dollypartoncbdgummius

[emily-mooon]

@pizza-feverdream my pen also slipped…

reference

[thewritetofreespeech]

Could I request Gojo learning that his s/o's ex wants to get back together with her?

“Who’s that?” Satoru asked when he saw [Y/N] look at their phone and then put it back down.

“It’s nobody.”

Which was all Satoru needed to know who it actually was.

He and [Y/N] had been dating for a while now. It was still casual but getting more serious. They had known each other from years ago when they were still in school. [Y/N] going off into the ‘real world’ for a while like Nanami before inevitably coming back like they all did. Satoru had liked them since they were in school, so he was happy when they decided to come back and he could have another shot at them & their happiness together. Now that he wasn’t some faux jaded kid going on and on about how ‘feelings were for weaklings’. Now he was really jaded, and aware that feelings made you stronger, not weaker, in the grand scheme.

However, a few weeks ago [Y/N] started getting text messages from an old partner who seemed to also want another shot at happiness with them. They told Satoru what was going on, but no more than that. Now, they wouldn’t even make a comment on it. Just ignore it and move on. It was just a little hard to ignore when it was happening right in front of him.

“Do you want to get another cup before we head out?”

“Nah.” Satoru told them as he leaned back in his seat. His long legs sticking out. “If I have anymore I’ll start vibrating. Want me to get you another iced tea though?”

[Y/N] nodded with a smile and Satoru went to go get them a refill and pay the bill. When he came back, drink in hand, he saw [Y/N] was talking to someone on the street. They had just appeared next to their sidewalk table, it seemed, and [Y/N] did not seem happy with their presence. He slowed down to listen in on their conversation, debating on if he should step in.

“Are you following me?” [Y/N] asked.

“What? No. Just on Instagram.” They hiss through their teeth at the stranger’s answer, but they keep talking. “You haven’t returned my calls. I wanted to see you.”

“The not returning your calls should have been the hint.” [Y/N] told them. “I’m not interested in talking to you. Or getting back together, since that’s probably where this conversation is going.”

“You’re not even going to talk to me about it!” Their ex reached out and grabbed [Y/N]’s arm, and Satoru had to remember that the cup in his hand was very fragile.

[Y/N] batted their hand away with a glare and told them, “I don’t owe you anything. You certainly didn’t want to talk about it with me when you left me all of a sudden and wouldn’t return my calls.” They remind them. “Now, I’m here with someone. Someone I care about. So can you just leave and stop calling me. Even if I was single now, I would not be interested. This is the last time we’re going to have a conversation.”

The ex seemed fit to want to argue but sighed in defeat and left. Their shoulders looking like they might hit the ground if they sunk any lower. “Your tea, m’laday.” Satoru announced, after giving it a minute, as he returned to the table.

[Y/N] turned to him. Smiling, but not as bright as it usually was, and took their cup. “Thank you Satoru.”

“You know, I was thinking.” He helped [Y/N] up to their feet by offering them a hand, smiling down at them. “It’s a little too crowded out here for me today. Why don’t we go back to my apartment and watch a movie there, instead of the theater.”

“But…I thought you wanted see that new one…” [Y/N] seemed surprised but looked secretly hopeful. Clear that they didn’t want to be out in case their ex changed their mind and tried again, but not wanting to tell Satoru what just happened.

“Eh. I changed my mind.” Was all he said and was already walking them out of the café perimeter down the block to his place.

He wouldn’t tell them that he saw what had happened, but he also wasn’t going to risk it happening again either. Satoru showed remarkable restraint earlier. The cup in [Y/N]’s hand now was not actually the original one, and their ex was lucky that that was all that had been crushed that afternoon.

[glassartpeasants]

How to Love

Eustass Kid/Trafalgar Law x F!Reader

Warnings: angst, fluff, semi-slow burn?, beginnings to chapters are hard </3

A/N: yeah here we are. just wanted to set a light on what the base plan is. Also, this takes place RIGHT after the prologue ends. hopefully, it's good for a first chapter.

music playlist

~~~

Your heart beats harshly against your ribs as the events of only moments ago replay in your mind like a broken record. The images of the two most significant people in your world, your boyfriend and your best friend, betraying you, makes your head spin. It almost feels unreal, like a nightmare instead of reality.

But it wasn’t a dream. It was a harsh reality, a stark contrast to the life you thought you were living.

Instead of waking up next to your boyfriend, you find yourself in a disorienting place: your ex-best friend's ex-boyfriend's car. Random items you managed to grab scattered across the passenger side and on your lap. The smell of Eustass’s cologne, a scent that used to bring comfort, now only added to your heartbreak, still plaguing your nose.

“Thank you, Law. You really didn’t have to.” Despite being almost inaudible, Law still heard you like you were screaming. The tremble in your voice notifies him of his own inability to speak without breaking down.

“It’s fine. Thank you for telling me about (.....)-ya’s infidelity.” The fact you even told him in the first place shocked him. You had known (.....) for years, and she was your best friend, while you only had a class project with him. Given that it was a whole semester-long, you were willing to throw away a friendship just like that. 

“You're a good guy, Law. You don’t deserve to be cheated on. Whether we’re friends or strangers. I would have told you regardless. No one deserves such heartbreak.” Law can see tears slipping down your cheeks out of the corner of his eyes. The fact that you're trying to stay strong after being the one to discover the affair is admirable in a sense. It could also be that you didn’t want him to see you cry. The latter sounds more plausible.

“I'm glad I didn’t delete your number. It would have been awkward if I had tried to catch you at work.” A small, sad chuckle left your lips. The tension in the car was too much, and you needed something to keep your mind distracted so you didn’t start wailing in front of Law.

“That would have been a scene I’m grateful we avoided. I like to keep my private life and work life separate.” 

“I’m the same in a sense. I don’t tell my co-workers much except to recommend shows or movies. I know you're more of a book guy, but have you seen any shows or movies recently?”

“(.....)-ya made me watch a movie the other day. It was a horror movie.”

“Oh. Was it good?”

“No, it was terrible.” You couldn’t help but let out a small laugh at Law's cold tone.

“Bad effects, or was it a storyline issue?”

“I could’ve made a better movie with a budget of two dollars.” Even though tears still fall from your eyes against your wishes, Law manages to make you laugh to ease the pain.

“Well, have you read any good books recently?”

“Haven’t had the time.” Law’s admission made your eyes furrow together. You know the medical field could be rough, but there wasn't enough time for him to read?

"The bookworm hasn't read recently? Are you sure you're the real Law?" A small smile tugs at the corner of Law’s lips as he listens to you talk, but even he can only hide the effects of heartbreak for so long.

Whether Law knew it or not, you could see tiny droplets of water gather in his eyes. Seeing him trying to hold it together made it just a bit harder to prevent yourself from breaking down. You grip the seat of his car and try to regulate your breathing. Clenching your teeth together,  you lay your head on the window and look outside. The sudden tap of water hitting the glass makes you jump. You look around and watch as more water droplets start hitting the car. 

“It’s raining. I thought it was supposed to be sunny all day?”

“I thought so, too.” The thick, tense silence rose once again, making it hard to breathe. If there had been enough room, you would have curled yourself up in a ball and cried. But you could do that when you get to...

“Where are we going?”

“My apartment. Just for now.”

“Ah, okay. Do you have any alcohol at your place?”

“Maybe some (.....)-ya left. Why?”

“So we can drink away our sadness.”

“I’m not much of a drinker.” A second silence covers the car.

“So I can drink away our sadness.”

“We’ll see when we get there.”

~~~

Your feet feel heavy as you walk into Law’s apartment. It’s been a while since you’ve been inside it. After the project was finished, you stopped coming over. Law’s busy schedule and your own just didn’t mix. Sometimes, you’d text him to check up on him and ask him how he was doing. He’d take hours or a day to respond, but you never held it against him. He always answered before it had been 48 hours, so it was okay with you.

Looking around his apartment, you see things that hadn’t been there before: some plants, many pictures on the wall, a TV, and some knickknacks you recognize that belong to (.....). The atmosphere was more welcoming than when you first visited Law’s apartment. If an apartment could feel like a hospital waiting room, then that’d be Law’s place before (.....) put her touch on it.

Placing your things near the couch, you take a deep breath as you rub your sternum to try and soothe the pain in your chest. All the pictures of Law and (.....) smiling happily nailed to the walls made your throat go dry. The images of your own apartment clouded your vision as you remembered your own photos with Eustass. Pictures of times when you did matching Halloween costumes, went to concerts together, relaxed at a beach together, or the two of you would just stay home. Every picture held a memory. 

A once cherished memory is now tainted by the image of betrayal. No amount of effort can make that image disappear. Even your happiest memories become blurry when you hear (.....) calling out Eustass's name. It ignites a fiery rage inside you, and seeing (.....)'s face everywhere makes you clench your teeth. You feel like tearing apart every picture of Law and (.....) just to remove her face from your sight. Every bone in your body screams at you to lose control. To destroy everything that reminds you of Eustass and (.....) until it is nothing but microscopic pieces.

But you weren’t home. The home you once had was now lost to time. For now, your ‘home’ depends on whether Law will allow you to stay the night for tonight.

“You can stay the night on the couch for tonight if you want. I have blankets in the closet over there.” You let out an internal breath of relief from Law, answering your question without being asked.

“Thank you, Law. Can I make you dinner or something? Just so I can repay your kindness?” You watch Law lean against the kitchen counter before crossing his arms. His eyes staring out into space.

“I haven’t gone shopping yet this week, so I don’t have much.”

“I’m sure I can craft up something.”

“If you want, then go ahead.” The sound of a ringtone brings a silence to the both of you. You check your phone and see the screen’s black.

“I think it’s yours.” Pulling out his phone from his pocket, you watch Law look at the screen. A frown crosses his face immediately, letting you know the caller. Letting out a heavy sigh, you watch him answer the phone.

“What do you want (.....)-ya?” While you couldn’t understand what she was saying, the tone of her voice was frantic. You could hear sobs coming from the other line. Hearing them pissed you off to hell and back. Didn’t (.....) have a shred of decency? How dare she plead and beg after she committed such an act?

You had to sit on the couch to calm yourself down just so you wouldn’t start screaming at (.....) through the phone. As soon as your body relaxed on the couch, a wave of soreness came over you. It feels as if you’ve been working out for hours on end and only now stopped. Even your eyelids felt heavy as you feel tears starting to form and blur your vision. Trying to breathe normally falls short as you begin to hyperventilate. Your lungs burn as you can feel your throat constricting. It feels like you're swallowing your heart just to keep yourself quiet.

“I meant what I said (.....)-ya. I’m breaking up with you, and that’s final. You can come get your things tomorrow afternoon.” Hearing Law’s voice helped soothe a part of your aching soul. Hearing something other than your own ragged breathing helped calm down the streams of tears that were flowing down your face.

“I’m done talking with you (.....)-ya. Goodbye.” The sound of Law’s calls ending made you rub your face, trying to hide the tears that plagued you seconds ago.

“Your more civil than I would have been. I probably wouldn’t have even picked up her call.” Your voice cracked as you tried to let out a small laugh.

“She was asking me for a ride. Apparently, her and Eustass got in a fight, and he threw her out in the rain.” Scoffing in disbelief, you turn your head to look at Law, hoping he wouldn’t notice your puffy eyes.

“She asked you for a ride after cheating on you? Serves her right, getting thrown in the rain. Hope she gets a cold.” You can see Law’s body tremble and how he bites his lip. His eyes get glassy as he looks at the ceiling.

“Fucking a man.” Even from across the room, you can hear Law whispering to himself. You hated seeing him like this. Watching someone you care about hurt only adds to the pain you feel.

“Hey…do you wanna watch something to get our minds off them?”

“I should go back to work. They probably need me.” You let out a hum, hearing his words. A slight feeling of rejection crosses your mind, but you're quick to shake it off. The last thing you wanted was to make him uncomfortable. And if he was the type to work away his feelings, who were you to stop him?

“Well, drive safe. It sounds like the rain is hitting harder.” The sound of rain beating against the windows of Law’s apartment was finally acknowledged. Its beat almost matched Law’s own heartbeat as he thought about the phone call only minutes ago.

Hearing (.....)’s voice felt like nails on a chalkboard as she tried to explain what happened. The voice that once calmed his aching heart was now the reason it hurt. It was astonishing how fast his whole world flipped upside down. Earlier today, he couldn’t wait to come home and see (.....) and have her talk to him about her day. But now, instead of (.....) smiling at him, you were sitting on his couch with puffy eyes.

The way he could hear the tremble in your voice and how the light shined against the path of tears left on your face made his own wave of emotions try to surface. Even if he could tell you were trying hard to hold them back, he could see tears collect against your eyelashes. The sight had tears accumulating in his own eyes, making him look up at the ceiling to try and stop them. He didn’t need to show how bad (.....)’s betrayal has affected him. At least not in front of you.

Sure, you guys were going through the same thing together, but it wouldn’t help him or you if he let his own emotions out. It’d just be easier to shove them down, ignore them, and work until the pain left. He’s done it before, so he can do it again. 

“Um, Law?” Looking back down, he sees you standing in front of him. You refuse to meet his eyes as you fiddle with the bottom of your shirt.

“Yeah?”

“Can I hug you?” Law felt his heart skip a beat hearing your request. A part of him told himself no that he’d break down the moment you wrapped your arms around him. Yet, the voice of someone he used to know told him something different.

“Okay.” As soon as the words left his lips, he felt your body smushed up against his. Your arms held him in a tight embrace as the sound of your hushed sniffles made Law finally cave. Wrapping his own arms around you, a sense of comfort filled him. The feeling of being cared for once again was nice yet terrifying. As soon as the feeling would come, it’d leave just as fast.

But for now, he’ll indulge in your hold.

~~~

The blanket that wrapped around you did little to replicate Law’s hug. Sure, you were warm, but it wasn’t the same. It reminded you of how alone you were. You had no family in this city, and your only friends were (.....) and Law, but you wouldn’t count him as an option due to the current predicament. It felt like you were running in circles with every idea that popped into your head. Always leading to a dead end and making you start all over again.

You couldn’t go back home. It’d take you around three to four hours to drive there! Plus, you didn’t leave on a good note with your parents when you left for college. And if their last words to you were anything to go by, they didn’t want you back. You shake your head at the thought of your parents.

“No. No need to drag myself down even more thinking about them.” Slithering your hand out of your blanket cocoon, you grab your phone that was on your right. The black screen stared at you as it showed your reflection. Eyes red from tears earlier and a cut lip from biting on it so hard earlier.

A ding echoes across the empty apartment as the phone's black screen soon turns on. The quick flash makes your eyes burn before squinting to try and get used to the brightness. Once adjusted, you see a message from Law hiding in your notification bar.

-“I need a favor from you.”

-“Sure, what ya need?”

-“(.....)-ya is supposed to be getting her things this morning. I want you to make sure she takes everything and leaves her key in the dish by the door.”

A frown skims across your face as the thought of seeing (.....)’s face makes your stomach churn. It’s only been a day, and you're already forced to see her face? At the same time, Law did allow you to stay the night last night. So, despite your distaste for seeing (.....), you agreed.

-“Will do. Can count on me :)”

-“Thanks.”

-“How’s working going so far?”

-“Fine.”

-“That's good”

The urge to ask him what his plans were with you after you did him this favor ate at your conscience as soon as you sent that last text. Law was really the only one whose place you felt safe enough to sleep at. And he’s the only person you have in the entire city. You didn’t have a license since a lot of things were always within walking distance, so you never had a reason to. 

But now, you were on the complete other side of the city. What used to be a five-minute walk to your job now would take at least thirty minutes. You had no idea where anything was on this side of the city. Sure, you and Law would go grab an energy drink from the gas station when the two of you worked the night away on that old project, but that was two years ago. Who knows? Maybe that gas station doesn’t even exist anymore!

“Do you go here a lot?”

“To buy an energy drink and coffee every now and then.” The sound of small pebbles crunching under your and Law’s shoes goes unnoticed as you walk next to him.

“Okay, so every day then?” A laugh escapes your lips as Law rolls his eyes, yet a small smile plays against his lips.

“This gas station is the only place that sells my favorite one.”

“Which is?”

“Can’t tell you. What if you take it?” A smirk appears on his lips as he puts his hands in his pockets. Scoffing, you place your hand on your chest in fake offense.

“I can’t believe you’d think so lowly of me. Stealing your beloved drink? Only a monster could be so heartless!” Hearing Law let out a chuckle from your words made a heavy feeling of confidence run through your veins. He was always relatively quiet when in class, so it was nice to see him show emotion other than ‘bored.’

“How much farther? I’m dying to know the favorite drink of the future best doctor in the world.” A faint pink tints Law’s skin as he tries to look away from you, hoping you don’t see what your comment did to him.

“You really think so?” Despite trying to copy your playful tone, you can hear his self-doubt and hopefulness that your words were true.

“I know so! No one works harder than you! If anyone says otherwise, tell me and I’ll kick their ass.” Law could feel his palms grow sweaty, and his heart beat a little faster. 

Sure, he’s gotten praise from his teacher, but hearing it come from someone he had just met and barely knew felt a little more sincere? Why, he didn’t know, but he won’t complain.

“Will do.”

KNOCK KNOCK

The sound of light knowing pulls you from your memories. Looking up at the clock, you see it’s nearly three pm. You sigh as you shed the multiple layers of blankets you were snuggled in. The rage and anger from yesterday are still strong in your system, making you clench your fists. You walk towards the door when you hear your fingers popping from the sheer force. Unlocking it, you take a deep breath before fully opening it.

In front of you stood a very unkempt (.....). Her hair was in a messy ponytail, accompanied by red eyes and a red face. Makeup from the night before was still applied to her skin as mascara streaked down her face. Your eyes even caught the barely covered hickeys and bite marks that shined through her concealer.

“(Y-Y/N)?...Why are you…Where’s Law?” Her pitiful voice made you squeeze the doorknob tighter to try and calm yourself.

“He’s at work. Not that it’s any of your business, but he was kind enough to let me spend the night.” Your eyes narrowed at her as you couldn’t help but glare daggers at the marks on her neck. Noticing your stare, (.....) moved her shoulder to cover her neck.

“I see…” You move to let her in and shut the door behind her. She lets out a shaky breath before beginning to take down the multiple pictures hanging along the wall. The sound of sniffles hits your ears as you watch her grab the frames with shaky hands. Listening to her hold back tears made you struggle to hold your own.

How could she have done this? Years of friendship only to throw it away for some dick? Did you mean so little to her? You’ve been with her for everything! Breakups, grandparents passing, getting in trouble together, anything and everything you’ve done for her! If she needed a kidney transplant, you would’ve volunteered right away!

Now, seeing how a friendship can easily be thrown away like trash after years made bitterness fill your heart. If your best friend and boyfriend could betray you without so much of a second thought, what does that say about the strangers all around you?

What does that say about you? Did you do something to deserve this? Was (.....) mad at you and thought fucking your lover would get back at you? There had to be a reason. To be an explanation for the horror you saw yesterday. Maybe after a drink or two after (.....) leaves will calm you down.

~~~

“You got everything?”

“Yeah.” Just as she was about to walk out the door, you remembered that she still hadn't given you the key.

“I need the apartment key.” Putting your hand out, you move your eyes to your hand and back at her.

“I-I don’t have it.” Furrowing your brows, you sigh.

“Don’t bullshit me. I’ve known you for years, and I know when you lie. Now give me the goddamn keys (.....).” You watch (.....) bite her lip before digging into her jacket pocket. The light shined off the key as she gently put it in your hands.

“Can you say goodbye to Bepo for me?” Confusion hit you like a train at her request.

“What the hell are-you know what? Fine. I’ll say bye.”

“Thanks.” Closing the door, you let out a breath you didn’t know you were holding. After locking the door behind her, you placed her old key in the dish Law has near the door for his keys. (.....) request puzzled you as you tried to think of what she was talking about.

“What the hell is a Bepo?”

Just then, a light pitter-patter echos in the apartment. Your heart stops as the sound gets closer. There shouldn’t be anyone else in the apartment but you. Swallowing the lump in your throat, you try to move quietly towards the kitchen to grab something to defend yourself.

“Meow!” You stop in your tracks upon hearing that noise. Embarrassment floods your body as you move even closer to the noise. Upon turning the corner, you see a white cat walking in your direction. A big white cat.

“Can’t believe I got spooked by a damn cat. Didn’t even know Law had a cat…a fatass one nonetheless.” Bending down, you move your hand to let the cat smell you. A smile appears on your face when it rubs against you.

“Hmm? What’s this?” Moving the fluff from his neck, you see a collar with a tag. Squinting your eyes, you finally see the name engraved on the tag.

“Ohhh…your Bepo! Well, aren’t you a cutie-pie?” With (.....) 's request finally making sense, you fight to actually fulfill it. With a sigh, you pick up Bepo and hold him gently. 

“Let’s send your dad a selfie. I think he’ll appreciate it.” You go to the couch, pick up your phone, and find the right angle for the picture. When you find the right spot, you smile as Bepo rubs his head against your face.

“Say cheese!”

~~~

It’d been a long day at the hospital. It felt like nothing went right. Sure, he put in his all, but he had to tell people how they were diagnosed with a terminal illness or dealing with dumb co-workers. The only good thing today did for him was keep (.....) out of his head. But now that work was over, the nagging thoughts could finally bother him once more.

Sighing as he unlocked his apartment door, he was immediately hit with the smell of something cooking. Whatever it was, it smelled good, and he was happy that he didn’t have to make anything tonight. When he went to put his keys in the dish designated for them, he saw (.....)’s key lying in the middle. A wave of relief washed over him as he finished taking off his shoes and coat.

“Oh, Law, are you home?” Your voice rings in his ears as he walks further into his apartment. He spots you setting up the table while humming to yourself.

“Yeah, I’m back. Did you make something?”

“Well, you’ve been at work for sixteen hours, so obviously, you should be hungry! Not to mention that you deserved a home-cooked meal after working so hard.” Moving closer to the dinner table, he sees a plate of grilled fish along with a can of what looks to be sparkling water. The smell of his favorite food drew him closer, and he felt a sense of calm filled him. It’d be the second night in a row you made him dinner.

“Where did you get the fish? I don’t remember having any?”

“Oh, after (.....) took her stuff and left, I used GPS to find a store nearby, and there was an organic type of food store only two blocks away! So I went shopping and got things! Except for beverages, so I stopped by the gas station we used to go to and got sparkling water 'cause you don’t drink and no way you’d drink an energy boost at eight pm.” You continued talking, but it was lost on Law’s ears as he stared at the set-up table. The fact you put yourself to go grocery shopping and making him dinner made his sour mood from only moments ago lighten.

“Thank you.” As he moves to wash his hands in the sink, he sees his beloved cat following you and purring.

“I see you’ve met Bepo.” Upon speaking, the cat changed his attention to Law. Bepo begins to meow as he prances towards Law’s feet before rubbing against them. Leaning down, Law gives him a few pets before washing his hands.

“I didn’t even know you had a cat. Did you just get him?”

“No. I’ve had him for almost a year and a half. Why?” He watches you lift your eyebrows and look at Bepo before looking back at Law.

“What?”

“Law. Do you see how big that cat is?” Despite just washing his hands, Law picks up Bepo and holds him in his arms.

“What about it? He’s growing.”

“That cat is obese. He needs a diet.”

“Bepo is perfect the way he is.” You couldn’t help but giggle as you watched him hold Bepo protectively and away from you.

“You can be delusional all you want, but come eat before the food gets cold.” Turning your back, you begin to dish up after washing your hands. You can hear Law rewashing his own before sitting on the opposite side of the table.

As awkward as it may be, the presence of one another brings a slight calm to your new chaotic world.

~~~

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[janners]

Light

Sully family x daughter!reader

warnings : death, heavy angst..?, violence (if i miss anything tell me)

word count : 7.9k

a/n : This is my very first story that i’ve ever posted so it may be absolute shit but I hope you guys enjoy it. Please tell me if i’ve made any mistakes. Also there may be some plot holes that I haven’t noticed. If there is just ignore it lol

_______________________________________________________________________

Pure blinding light, that’s all you can see. An aching feeling within you surfaces as you slowly realise where you are. With Eywa…

19 years ago

“Y/N” Jake announces, his first born, his first daughter. A joyous day for both him and Neytiri, a gift sought from Eywa. The first light in their life, but what they didn’t know was how fast that light would fade within their lives.

_______________________________________________________________________

You were a bright child, fast learner as well. Being able to catch fish with your bare hands, showing it off to your father with the brightest smile. How that smile could brighten up anyone's day. You were adored by everyone in the clan with how enthusiastic you were and how positive you are in any given situation.

Only four years later came along your younger brother, Neteyam. Any chance that was given, you would hold him and just talk about how much you adore and cherish him. Neytiri being right there to witness these interactions gave her thoughts on how they could ever be deserving of such a blessed child.

As years pass by, Lo’ak and Kiri now being part of the family has Jake and Neytiri busy as ever. Though, where does that leave you? You are being left out, and held with more responsibility than ever before. Being the oldest sully child now became stressful and overwhelming. Once a carefree child, now trapped with responsibilities. Jake had given you the responsibility to watch over your siblings at all times and protect them at all costs. Only being 6 at the time, you didn’t fully understand why.

_______________________________________________________________________

Both Jake and Neytiri haven’t been the same parents you knew since the birth of Tuktirey. You don’t blame Tuk in any way with how your parents are now acting. You could only blame them for being hard on you no matter what you do. Throughout the years you had trained hard with no breaks. Becoming one of the most lethal warriors within the clan. Even with your parents knowing that, they still pay no attention to you. Even when you went through with your iknimaya, you didn’t get as much praise compared to when your other siblings had completed theirs. You still had strong bonds with your siblings especially with Lo’ak.

You and Lo’ak were always together, attached to the hip. You being the calm and collected child while Lo’ak was the “devil” child. You guys especially bonded over your difficulties in the family, you being the only one to really understand him. Though being older, you don’t rant to him but instead just listen and comfort him because that’s what a good older sister does.

Present

Jake is discussing plans about the raids now that the sky people have returned. You listen intently knowing that Jake expects the most from you. While listening Lo’ak nudges you with his elbow and whispers “psst y/n” you take a quick glance but focus back on the meeting but again he nudges harder, “sister pssst” you finally look at him “what do you want Lo’ak, father will skin us if he finds that we are not paying attention”

He just stares at you for a second before saying “nothing I just wanted to annoy you” with a smug smile on his face. You just roll your eyes with a faint smile.

“Lo’ak, Y/n, Neteyam, you three will be scouters alright? I better not see you guys on the ground at all, understand?” Jakes states with a stern face. You all nod, knowing if you retaliate it would only start an argument. The three of you are now flying and scouting in the air as the rest of the warriors raid the train. You hear Neteyam shout for Lo’ak which made you snap looking in their direction, just to see Lo’ak descending down towards the train. “I swear to eywa that I will not kill Lo’ak” you mumble under your breath. Spotting an aircraft you fly faster towards Lo’ak and Neteyam hoping to get them back to the sky before their father spots them. “Lo’ak, Neteyam, hurry your skxawng asses back into the air NOW”

Right as you finish speaking you see a missile coming towards you all. You quickly alert them trying to run but as it came closer you pushed them out of the way trying to take most of the impact. You landed harshly on the uneven terrain having multiple gashes litterred all over your body. You couldn’t breathe, you were panicking but not for yourself but for your brothers well beings. You struggled to to stand trying to look to where you pushed them, looking over you see them helping each other up with small scratches on them. Relief washes over you knowing that they are okay.

Jake witnessed all of it and came as quickly as possible but not towards you. He went straight to his sons, thinking you were a tough enough warrior to help yourself up. Jake pulling Lo’ak and Neteyam with him but Lo’ak began to go against trying to reach you. “Sir what about y/n? She is hurt, we can't just leave her!” he yelled in desperation. Jake pulled him back “She will be fine, she will meet us back as at camp”

You watched them leave, your chest aching and wondering why he would just leave you there. You struggled to stand while calling for your Ikran. Your Ikran kxamtxon, assisted you in standing up, you threw yourself on her back now heading back to your “home.” Landing you see your father waiting for you. Still struggling to walk over to him, the first thing you hear is “I told you to keep a close eye on them and what do you do, you let them go down” yelling not even caring whether or not anyone could hear him. “I am sorry sir, it won’t happen again” you reply knowing if you’d get yelled at more if you were to say anything else. “It better not or so help me god, go and get fixed up now and get that crap off your face” you nod reluctantly slowly limping to the healing tent.

Entering the tent Mo’at spots you and ushers you quickly to sit. Silence until Lo’ak comes up to you to apologise. “I’m so sorry y/n, did father yell at you?” he asks quietly, “It is okay Lo’ak and no need to worry whether or not he yelled at me, it’s okay” not wanting to worry your brother any further. Turning to Neteyam asking if he was okay as well, he nodded and said sorry as well. You reassure them that it is okay once more. Your relationship with Neteyam isn’t as close compared to Lo’aks but Neteyam always comes to you when he is having a difficult time with father.

Mo’at finishes patching you up telling you to be more careful next time. Now walking away to your family tent, you see your mother waiting for you as well. Neytiri isn’t as harsh compared to Jake but it still breaks your heart knowing that your once loving mother doesn’t acknowledge you as much. Jake and Neytiri come to an agreement that you are to stay in the tent for a week as punishment.

_______________________________________________________________________

Staying in the tent all day was dreadful and boring. Sudden sounds were made outside of the tent, seeing your family in rough states and shaken up. You had wondered what had happened while they were all out. Immediately, you walked towards Tuk seeing as she is the most shaken up from whatever happened out there. “Oh tuktuk are okay?? What happened?” Tuk instead cries in your arms and you look toward Kiri, Lo’ak, and Neteyam to see if any of them would tell you what had happened.

While all of you were outside the tent, Kiri had explained to you about the events. Hearing your parents argue made you even more concerned. All of you had listened in and heard them mention leaving. Those words made you all freeze. Leave? Leave your home? The clan? Thoughts swirling in your head, the forest being the only place you knew. You couldn’t fathom the idea of leaving.

Later that night after everything had been told to us, you couldn’t sleep. Your whole life spent in the forest now just gone within seconds. Having to start a whole new life when your life now isn’t good. The aching feeling in your chest rises, thoughts of having to leave everything behind. Eventually you fall asleep with worried thoughts.

Witnessing your father get cut on the chest from Tarsem, it is now official. Flying away you look back knowing you won’t get the chance to see it again. Flying for it seemed like forever, we reached the reefs. Hearing the alarms blown from the clan, you all landed. Surrounded by the curious eyes of the Metkayina people, tsuraks flying above you. Jake and Neytiri doing the I see you gesture towards two people, that you were guessing was the Tsahik and Oloeyktan. You glance over to your siblings, seeing Lo’ak spot a girl you smirk and give him a knowing look. He rolled his eyes and went back to looking at the girl.

You had spaced out the rest of the interaction between your parents and the leaders of the clan. That is until the Tsahik grabbed Kiri and Lo’ak and yelled demon blood. Those words alone made you want to hiss at her but held back knowing how your parents and everyone else would react. Now being allowed to stay here, we were to be teached by their children, Ao’nung and Tsireya. Tsireya led us to our Mauri and let us settle in, Jake pulled you aside for a private conversation. Far away enough from the family he started talking “y/n I expect you to keep an eye on your siblings, and for you to be on your best behaviour. I can’t have you messing things up. If you get into any trouble while we are here I will personally deal with you. Got it?” Looking up at him slowly you nod “Yes sir, I promise nothing will happen” with that you walk back to mauri. While walking back, you still wonder why your parents had started acting like this. Everyone else gets treated better than you. You can’t but feel envy for you siblings as they get more recognition from your parents. Even Lo’ak, you feel horrible feeling envious towards him, he gets more attention than you and he does a lot of dumb stuff.

You push those thoughts away thinking that you shouldn't be having thoughts like that, but can’t help it.

_______________________________________________________________________

Jumping in the water with your brothers, you look around you looking at all the sea life around you. For once in your life, you feel at peace especially with your thoughts. You swam away from the group exploring the area yourself like Kiri. Eventually you came for air and looked around seeing your brothers above water as well.

You all come together, Ao’nung calling for ilus. While Tsireya took Lo’ak and tuk, Ao’nung had you and Neteyam. Neteyam had gone first, not doing horrible his first try but still got flung off. Looking over to Lo’ak, you see him get flung off as well and you laugh as Lo’ak resurfaces. Now it was your turn, Ao’nung was a rude little shit but a helpful teacher. It felt odd being taught by someone younger than you. Adjusting your stance, you take off at a slow pace, listening to what Ao’nung had said. You did well for your first try by not falling off, and that made you extremely proud of yourself.

Next was breathing, and that had gone by quickly especially with teasing Lo’ak about Tsireya getting his heart rate up. You were now just sitting beside Kiri in the water looking out into the distance just thinking. Thinking about how this is the most freedom you’ve gotten since you were a child.

Flashback

Drawing your arrow back, arms aching, back and core feeling strained. You shoot and miss the target again. “How many times do I have to tell you, arms higher and straighter back. You won’t hit anything if you keep this up” Jake had you practising for hours “but dad my body is hurting, I don’t think I can do anymore” you had started crying with the amount of pain you were in. Instead of your father telling you to stop and continue tomorrow, he yelled at you “Do you want to become a warrior or not, enough with the crying there is no reason to cry. Do it again, we aren’t stopping until you hit the target properly” With that, you continued crying quietly but proceeded to keep shooting arrows but eventually you hit one.

You looked up to your father hoping to see a proud face but instead you saw nothing but a stone cold face telling you to keep going. At that point you collapse from being overworked. Next thing you know, you wake up in the healing tent with no one else here.

Flashback end

You sigh with a shaky breath not wanting to cry. Back to peaceful silence you were suddenly interrupted by Ao’nung and his gang. Things led to another. Ao’nung called Kiri a freak and you stepped in, “Do not call me sister a freak, I advise you leave us alone” Ao’nung looked at you giving you a smirk “Who are you to speak outcast, you’re just a loser in your own family” he laughed while you were close to punching him in the face. Lo’ak stepped in on time and then Neteyam came as well.

Lo’ak punches Ao’nung in the face and a while fight breaks out, Neteyam steps in too leaving you no choice to join as well. Being stronger than the rest, you took on most of them making sure Lo’ak and Neteyam aren’t harmed too much. The rest of them had started to gang up on you and purely just you. They kept pushing your brothers away so that they could beat you up.

It had gotten to the point where you were struggling to even throw a single punch at any of them. Eventually Jake and Tonowari came and broke up the fight. You were being dragged away, Jake having a strong grip on your arm making sure that there were bruises that were going to form. “Are you out of your mind y/n? What did I tell you NOT to do huh?”

You were at your snapping point

“What did you want me to do!” finally talking back.

“My sister and brothers were in trouble and as their older sister I went and protected them. YOU told me to protect them with my life and now I am being yelled at for something that isn’t my fault?” you felt your chest aching again, tears flooding your eyes.

“All my life I have done nothing but protect them and watch over them, but what about me HUH WHO IS PROTECTING ME, WHO IS LOOKING OVER ME” tears now freely flowing down your face.

Jake was shocked to say the least but instead of trying to comfort you or try to talk it out with you, he just yelled again.

“GET OUT, I do not want to see your face right now”

Neytiri had walked into the middle of the argument, just standing there shocked. When Jake had yelled for you to get out, you looked at your mom to see if she would say anything. Nothing came out, you couldn’t believe what you were witnessing and stormed out of the mauri.

You call for your Ikran, wanting to fly far away from your parents for the night. You spot a small island, you land and just lay down on the sand looking up at the sky. You break out crying again. Sobbing uncontrollably, and yelling and screaming, throwing sand. You were so frustrated that you couldn't help but cry.

Lo’ak was there to witness it all and his heart hurt for you. All his life you protected him and not once did he really notice how you felt. He felt like the worst brother in the world knowing that this is how you felt. He stormed into the Mauri ready to yell at his dad and mom

“Sir what i’m about to say i will not apologise for. My sister has done everything for me, she took care of me, protected me, comforted me. All you do for her in return is neglect and yell at her and for what?” he starts to choke up, tears slowly forming.

“Everything she has done was for us and not ONCE have you given her a break. She protected us from getting hurt today and during the raids. She got hurt the most and yet you care so little for her. I know for a fact that you guys loved her at one point because she talked so highly about you guys and apologising for your actions when we have our talks”

Jake and Neytiri just stare at Lo’ak trying to form sentences but nothing comes out. Lo’ak scoffs in disbelief

“If you open your eyes for once in your life, maybe you can be proud of her for once instead of disappointed. At this point I can’t even tell if you guys love her anymore and that is what disappoints me the most. The least you guys could do is let her talk and not yell at her for once”

Lo’ak was now crying because all he wants is you to be happy. He has admired you ever since he was young and seeing you finally reach your snapping point broke him. Walking out of the Mauri, he sees Kiri, Neteyam, and Tuk all with tears in their eyes after hearing everything. They all collectively decided to find you now worrying where you ran off to.

Now almost eclipse, your siblings could not find you anywhere. They were extremely worried, worried that you may have gotten hurt more or lost. With Jake and Neytiri, they now worry too. With everything that had happened, they looked at each other now knowing what they had done wrong. Guilt is what they felt, most of their lives they had thought of you as a burden after having Tuk. They never knew why it felt that way, maybe it was from the stress of having 5 kids. Though that isn’t an excuse for their behaviour and they know it.

They had not realised that what once was the light of their lives was now fading. Faded to the point where they might resent them forever. This thought had broken them, wanting to repair the damage that they had and become a happy family again.

_______________________________________________________________________

Lo’ak decided to fly out and see if you were any small islands while the rest continue to search around Awa’atlu. After a couple minutes, he sees a small figure and a dark blue Ikran on an island. He quickly descends towards you.

“Y/N!”

You raise your head to see where the sound had come from. You see Lo’ak running towards you, now jumping in your arms.

“Lo’ak what are you doing here” your voice hoarse from all the crying and screaming.

“You had me worried sick when I couldn’t find you. I heard everything that happened”

You pull Lo’ak away from your embrace.

“Lo’ak you should head back, da- Jake and Neytiri are probably looking for you”

He froze, hearing you call their parents by their names like they were strangers. Never in his life would he hear you say their names. It is like you now separated yourself from the family. How that made him even more upset towards his parents.

“No, I am staying here with you because I am your brother and I worry for you. It is my turn to sit and listen while you talk about your problems”

You huffed knowing that Lo’ak wouldn’t go, but you appreciate him for that. You both sat down properly, you looked out to the sea while Lo’ak is still looking at you waiting for you to talk.

“Before any of you were born, Jake and Neytiri were always smiling and happy with me. We played, talked, and loved each other…  They had told me that I was the light in their dark times. Told me how I somehow lifted up the mood anywhere I went and that made them so proud of me.”

Tears are now forming again but you held back not wanting to cry in front of your brother. Not wanting to look vulnerable. Lo’ak continues to listen, surprised how happy their parents used to be with you.

“Neteyam was born, nothing much changed apart from their attention being more on him now that he was the first born son. Everything was still normal, everyone was still happy. Once the rest of you were born, everything suddenly changed. I wasn’t a priority anymore to them. I was just a burden who happened to be related to them. Once I started training, never did I have one break. They worked me to the bone till I was exhausted and at some point I just collapsed.”

Both of you were now crying. Lo’ak had felt so much guilt not knowing this was happening, how cruel their parents were. Never in his life did he want to witness you cry because in his eyes you were always so strong even after being yelled at for his and Neteyams mistakes.

“These days it is like I am now the darkness that fills the room when I am near them. The light does not exist to them anymore, not in their eyes. I am just another being they have to keep alive. I have even thought about just running away but that never happened because I had you guys by my side. Without you guys, I don’t know what I might’ve done”

You took a long pause. Lo’ak took this as his turn to speak. You worried about what he may say.

“All my life I thought that I was a disappointment in mom and dads eyes…  Now hearing how you feel and knowing how they felt about you makes me so angry how I didn’t realise you were feeling this way.  I always thought you never took things to heart because they loved you and were just worried. I admired the fact that you were always so calm when it came to being yelled at by dad. I admired how strong of a warrior you became. I admired that you understood how upset I was after my arguments with dad. I am so sorry that I never realised you were hurting this bad”

Lo’ak now sobbing, you pulled him into a hug and he hugged you back tightly. Slowly stroking his head, you guys had stayed in that position for a good while before pulling away.

“Lo’ak, never ever be sorry for something you can’t see. It was my burden to deal with. I am the older sister, it was my responsibility. Protecting all of you is something I will always do without hesitation whether or not it gets me killed.” You now sat in silence looking out to the horizon. Turning to Lo’ak you speak again.

“It is best you head off before you start to worry everyone else”

“I am not leaving you here alone”

“Lo’ak, head back, I will be okay. Make sure to tell the rest of them that I am fine but I just need some time to myself for a little bit okay?”

Lo’ak nods, not wanting to leave but decides that it’s best to not worry his other siblings more than they already are. With that you watch Lo’ak fly away while you stay seated on the sand. Once his figure disappears you lay back down and think back on the days you were happy and free. Slowly drifting into sleep, thinking if you’d ever be that happy again.

_____________________________________________________________________

Waking up, you groan while stretching. Eyes puffy from the other day and mouth dry in need for some water. You prepare kxamtxon to head back “home” that was the one thing you were dreading. You were nervous especially after snapping at Jake the other day. You continue flying for a couple more minutes, mentally preparing yourself for the worst. You reach shore, you pat Kxamtxon off and head towards your family's Mauri. You start picking at your skin on your fingers, a habit you developed at a young age when you were nervous. 

You slowly enter hoping that it would just be your siblings present in the Mauri. Once in you only see Neytiri. She was waiting for you to return so that she could have a chance to speak with you after yesterday's events. “y/n…” She sits up quickly walking towards you with worried eyes. You wondered why she was acting like this, but in a way it felt comforting. But still being upset from the other day you brushed those feelings off. 

“I have been so worried, where did you go? Why didn’t you come back with Lo’ak?”

She tried grabbing your shoulders as a sign that she cared but you brushed her off. Seeing that you didn’t want her touching you she backed off though feeling a little hurt. 

“I just needed time to myself. You didn’t have to worry, this is the first time i’ve seen you this worried in a while” You chuckled dryly. 

That response broke Neytiri even more knowing that yesterday may have ruined her relationship with you forever. Looking back on the days you were younger, you were so happy. Looking at you now, you look as if she had abandoned you.

 “If that is everything, I will be heading back out. I do not know if I will be back tonight but I will be here tomorrow.” With that you left the Mauri leaving Neytiri alone with her thoughts. 

You went to go seek for your siblings but only finding Neteyam, Kiri, and Tuk. You greet them with a small smile while they all come running to you, pulling you into a big hug. You had asked them how they were doing and apologised for worrying them. They didn’t care and kept hugging you for a little while more.

“Where is Lo’ak? I thought he would be with you guys.”

“He went to apologise to Ao’nung for punching him the face” Neteyam chuckled

Although odd my Lo’ak would have to apologise for that, you laughed it off as well. Enjoying the day hanging out with your siblings and even Tsireya. Tsireya tried to naturally add Lo’ak in your conversations and that made you smile knowing Lo’ak had someone that could take care of him in the future. While you carry on with your conversation you start to worry a bit due to Lo’ak taking so long for one apology.

All of a sudden you hear abrupt laughter from behind you. You see Ao’nung and his ugly gang laughing at something while they were talking amongst themselves. One thing you noticed is that your brother is not anywhere near them. You stood up quick striding towards Ao’nung.

“Ao’nung where is my brother?”

He looks a bit scared for a second before giving you a smug smile.

“Oh, him? We just took him out hunting but he wanted to stay out a bit longer… alone”

His so called friends behind him started to snicker. That makes you even more concerned and angry. So you grab him by the ear and repeated again with a much more menacing tone.

“Where. Is. My. Brother.”

Now scared, Ao’nung told you quickly not wanting to get hit by you again. Him saying that they left him alone past the reef had you sprinting to where the ilu were. As you reach near the Ilu, you hear the blows go off. You ditch your idea and head right towards where the alarms were coming from. Heart racing not knowing whether your brother was hurt or even if it was your brother.

Finally reaching your destination, you see Lo’ak.  You sprint to him, engulfing him in the biggest hug ever. You pull apart checking to see if he had any injuries on him, nothing but small scratches. You finally let a breath of relief come out of you knowing he wasn’t hurt or dead. Just behind him you see Jake, you’ve been avoiding him at all costs but now you see him once again. Ready for more scolding of where you were.

Instead he brings both of you into an embrace, tight as if he was scared you’d disappear. Your heart swells a bit but again you pushed those feelings aside, still not being able to forgive for what he has done. Breaking the hug Lo’ak spot Ao’nung and ready to lunge at him before you stop him. Tonowari apologises and makes his son kneel to apologise as well. Your brother suddenly takes the blame and you look at him with concern in your eyes.

Walking away you catch up to Lo’ak and hooked arms together while you pat his head for comfort. Seeing Ao’nung pop up beside you guys, you were ready to talk to him but Lo’ak stopped you saying it was okay. You just gave Ao’nung a death stare knowing if he did something again he would be dead to you.

______________________________________________________________________

Everyone had now gone to sleep, you went to take a late night fly with your Ikran. You had named her kxamtxon since she looked like the midnight sky. Dark blue with lighter blue signatures accompanied with white. Gliding in the sky you felt at peace once more knowing there would be nothing bothering you at this moment. That was until Jake was flying towards you.

He signalled you to land on the small island you were heading towards. As much as you didn’t want to speak to him you nod at him. Both landing, you had sat on the sand and pat next to you. He sat down and began to speak.

“You know when you were younger, you had always mentioned that you would get an Ikran that looked like the night sky. Especially with how much you loved stargazing.”

You look at him wondering why he would bring that up now. Curious, you continue letting him talk.

“You were always such a bright kid, everyone loved you, I loved you, your mother loved you. We still do… I’m sorry we haven’t been showing it you these past years, I've kept making excuses saying I was busy with your younger siblings. What a lame dad I've become huh. Having you snap at me gave me a reality check and seeing you so upset and crying made me regret so much.”

You see him choking up, you had tears in your eyes too because you’ve longed for your father to talk to you like this. Being vulnerable to each other, sharing each other's feelings, that’s all you wanted. Seeing him like this felt like your dad was back, the dad you had when you were a baby.  You begun to speak up in a wobbly voice.

“You hurt me so much you started being harsh on me and ignoring me. You have been such a terrible father to me, even to your own sons. I need to realise that everything you do affects us all. You need to stop yelling at Lo’ak all he wants is your attention, for you to SEE him. Instead you’ve been so focused with this war that you’ve forgotten how to understand how we feel. The last time I've heard you say that you see me was when I was only an infant.”

Taking in all this and processing it had Jake in shambles. Not once did he realise how much of a shit father he has been to his own children, especially to you, his light. He knows he can’t blame the war or the sky people because he was the root of the problem since the beginning. He wants to embrace you and say he is sorry over and over again but even he knows that he can’t repair the damage he’s caused.

“I want to forgive you I really do, but with everything you’ve done to me… I don’t think it will be easy for me to trust you again. I am sorry.”

“No, don't be sorry, it’s all my fault and I know that now. I will work hard to earn your trust back even if it takes months or even years. I want to be your dad again.”

He grabs your hand giving it a small squeeze and you squeeze back to give a small reassurance that you’re okay with that. Sitting in silence gazing at the stars, you feel like a child again. Being able to lay down beside your dad pointing out your favourite stars, your heart finally settles to calming beats. This is what you longed for and you finally got it after years.

Heading back together you had a content smile on your face. Returning you see Neytiri waiting once again with worried eyes. You walk towards her with arms open and you finally embrace into a warm hug. She was shocked but hugged you back immediately seeing her daughter is finally back. Going into the Mauri, finally able to sleep peacefully without having to worry about anything. What you didn’t know was the events that were going to happen in the future.

_______________________________________________________________________

Waking up it was loud with na’vi jumping in the water with excitement. You came out and saw Tsireya running towards you guys stating that the Tulkun had returned. Turning towards the ocean, a beautiful scene of tulkun jumping and na’vi going towards them with joy. You all join them witnessing everyone finding their sisters and brothers. Rotxo introduced his brother to you, Kiri, and Tuk and rode on his fin, gliding through the water. Neteyam and Ao’nung chasing each other on their Ilu. Tsireya talking about Lo’ak to her sister. Everything was perfect.

Jake and Neytiri had put more effort into talking to you and laughing like old times. Neytiri even gave you new jewellery, with beautiful shells and beads mixed together. Again everything was perfect. Perfect until we saw Ronals sister's floating along with her calf. Everyone with looks of despair now enraged. Yelling and shouting from the clan ready to fight the sky people for what they had done. Jake yelling to not attack, but to tell the tulkun to go somewhere far away. Showing that if they are hit with the tracker they are marked for dead. Hearing that you turn to Lo’ak, watching him run to get an Ilu to warn payakan. You ran after him along with the rest of the kids.

Jumping in the water getting an Ilu chasing after Lo’ak, your heart now racing once again. Reaching payakan, he was in fact marked for death.

“Shit” you mumbled under your breath

All of you are struggling to pull the tracker off as the ship gets closer and closer towards you all. With a final tug it came loose, you took it in your hands and told everyone to go while you led them away from them.

Skypeople now chasing all of us under the water. Your heart is now beating at an extreme pace. Worried that your siblings could get hurt. From a distance you see Tsireya, Tuk, and Lo’ak being scooped up in a net from an avatar and their Ikran. Then Kiri was grabbed by another Ikran. You yelled trying to get to them as fast as you could but you were too late as they were now on the boat. You turned trying to find your father to tell him that they had been captured.

Now in a situation where your brother and sisters were stuck in a hostile position. You and Neteyam were waiting on the sidelines to see if we could anything to help but instead seeing your father move forward. At that moment you knew he was sacrificing himself and you couldn't do anything. Thinking that you’ve failed as both a daughter and sister, a sudden burst through the water showed payakan landing on the boat.

Everyone charging forwards ready to fight for their lives. You and Neteyam went forward to the ship to help your siblings. Payakan gets rid of most of the people on board, you and Neteyam jumped up. You surprise your siblings, cutting their restraints, giving each of them a hug. You hurry them off, telling them to get to safety. Then Lo’ak suddenly stops.

“We need to get spider!”

You had almost forgotten about him. Though deep in your gut you had a bad feeling. You knew something was going to go wrong but Lo’ak kept insisting. Finally agreeing, the three of you snuck on trying to find Spider. Once you spot him, you all jump down to kill off the surrounding men.

“Hurry let’s go”

You said desperation, the feeling in your stomach still not fading. Quickly trying to find the way out, you were now being shot at. All ducking for cover, you grab the gun that Lo’ak had grabbed.

“Lo’ak, Spider, be ready to run first and jump into the water on my signal okay?”

They nod. You gave them the signal, they started running as you begun to shoot at the soldiers. Seeing they made it safely, it was now Neteyams' turn then you. You gave him the signal thinking it was safe. You glance over seeing the gun being pointed at him. It was like everything was in slow motion. You dropped your gun running towards Neteyam and finally jumping in front of him.

You felt something odd hit your chest. You both land in the water, swimming up to the surface you see that Neteyam was alright cheering with Spider and Lo’ak. Then it struck you, you were struggling to stay on the surface and feeling the searing pain coming from your chest.

“N-Neteyam L-Lo’ak”

They both snapped their heads toward you, seeing you struggle they had swam over to quickly. Both in shock calling for their Ilu.

“No no y/n, stay awake okay? You’re going to be okay. NETEYAM help me put her on the Ilu!”

Grabbing you they lift you on the Ilu, now riding quickly towards their parents keeping pressure on your gushing wound. Lo’ak crying, trying not to believe that this was happening right now. Neteyam heavily focused on trying to keep the blood inside with tears running down the sides of his face. Finally reaching their parents, they carefully try to get you on top of the rock.

“Careful hold her head”

Jake couldn’t believe what he was witnessing with his own eyes. His sons carrying their daughter, covered in her blood. Neytiri now flying down with her Ikran, could not believe what she was witnessing either.

“NO Y/N, no my precious daughter”

They had just gotten her back but now she was fading again, Their light was now fading again. Their light was now fading again after being relit. Struggling to breathe you get some words out

“Dad take care of everyone, promise me”

Now wheezing to breathe. Jake grabs your hands and rests his other hand on your cheeks.

“No no you gotta stay awake babygirl, we still have so many nights to go stargazing together an-and we’re gonna go hunting together okay? Sounds good right?”

Jake now struggling to get words out as his first born daughter now struggles to breath.

“No dad, promise me you’ll take care of everyone, don’t blame anyone or yourself okay? P-promise me that.”

“I promise I swear, and i'll take care of you to okay?”

“I want to go home da-”

The light in your eyes had faded. Silence now fills your ears, finally peace overcomes your body as it stills in Jakes arms.

“Y/n? Y/N? NO oh great mother no please PLEASE”

Neytiri continues yelling and praying to bring you back. Lo’ak crying hysterically seeing his sister fade in his dads arms. Neteyam goes numb looking at the scene unfolding before him. Tsireya massages your legs to get circulation going, praying that you were just unconscious. The light in their lives is now gone forever.

Jake turns to see that his daughters are now also missing. Asking Lo’ak where they are, saying they are still on the ship near the moonpools. Lo’ak wanted to help but was told to stay put with his sister. Neteyam and Tsireya caressing your now cold body. Neteyam now sobs knowing that his older sister is now gone forever. The sister he was able to confined to when he was overwhelmed with the pressure of being the next oloeyktan. He sister who would take the blame for both his and Loaks mistakes. The sister that could make him smile in any given situation. His light… gone.

_______________________________________________________________________

Pure blinding light, that’s all you can see. An aching feeling within you surfaces as you slowly realise where you are. With Eywa, the mother of pandora. You realised that you were dead. Adjusting to the light, you were in the forest. Specifically inside your old home. You walk around, grazing your fingers over the objects you used to have when you were younger. Now walking outside, you head towards the top of the tree. You walk towards a certain spot where you would stargaze. Laying down, you close your eyes and let go.

_______________________________________________________________________

Quaritch now having Tuk and Kiri, he had mentioned that Jake didn’t want to lose another daughter. Both Kiri and Tuk stared blankly at him, knowing the only daughter left was you.

As fights went down, Neytiri and Jake both ran off of adrenaline and rage. Killing off all the soldiers. Finally reaching their daughter Tuk but Kiri in the hand of quaritch with a knife to her throat.

The ship slowly sinking, Neytiri and Tuk trapped, Jake slowly drowning. Jake's last thought before going unconscious was how much he had let you down. Blaming himself for the little time he gave himself to make amends with you. Thoughts now disappeared as he resurfaced with Lo’ak beside him.

Everyone is now making it out together, hugging each other, crying together. They went back to the rock to retrieve your body. Tuk and Kiri now seeing your still body, they cried their hearts out. Tuk holding onto your arm and Kiri holding your head in her lap.

The funeral was now happening. They gently placed your body into the large leaf, slowly going out towards the anemone, the light. Carefully removing you from the floating leaf, they slowly ascend down into the water. Gently placing you in the bed of anemone, slowly watching as you sink the light consuming your body. Energy now returned to Eywa.

On land, Ao’nung, Tsireya, Rotxo, all silently mourning as they saw you as an older sister as well. You helping Tsireya with small chores and gossiping about different things especially Lo’ak. Teasing Ao’nung like a younger brother when he does something embarrassing. Helping Rotxo with his grandma and lending tips into becoming a better warrior. They too lost a little bit of light that day.

The family is now approaching the spirit tree. They all attach their queues to be able to see you. First Lo’ak, he saw the memory of you comforting him after having a tough day with their father. She was able to cheer him up with simple words. He saw how they now playfully fought each other. How he missed hearing your joyous laughs and your comforting words.

Neteyam saw the memory of them when they were much younger. He was struggling to shoot a bow properly. Frustrated that he couldn’t get it right, you came over and helped him. No harsh words being said, just smooth guidance which put him at ease. Seeing how patient you were with him and how kind your words were, he really saw how much light you really emitted.

Tuk had the memory of them flying on her Ikran. One of her favourite memories of them together. You had taken Tuk on a joyride with your Ikran. Tuk screams with excitement and you laugh with her. Flying in circles and doing quick loops. That day was amazing for Tuk. It was such a freeing feeling.

Kiri, the memory that came to mind was having a quiet talk about how she feels her, how she feel eywa. You were the only one she could talk to because she knew you would not judge her. She talked about how she felt her breath and how she courses throughout the plants. You listened in amazement, seeing how close of a connection she had for Eywa. Kiri saw how you didn’t judge her once at all and just watched you watch her in amazement.

Neytiri had the memory of when you were merely a baby. The first sight of the light of her life. She remembers how you held her finger, how you giggled at the smallest things she did. Your constant smile was the light keeping the darkness away from her. Looking at the memory, she had a soft smile on her face. 

Jake, he had spotted you in your spot. He saw you laying there, eyes closed. He slowly walks towards the spot. You hear noise, and open your eyes just to see your dad sitting down beside you. You saw tears forming in his eyes and gently grabbed his hand.

“Do you remember when I was younger, we would always come up here to stargaze?”

He turns toward the sky, his hand still in yours.

“Of course, you would always drag me because I was walking to slow”

Laughing at his answer because he was right. You would have to pull him by his arm to hurry up not wanting to miss a single star going away even though they wouldn’t disappear.

“I really missed moments like this… being able to hangout with my dad in peace”

“I missed these moments too, much more than I realised”

You watch as his tears fall down his cheeks. Seeing this made you start tearing up as well. You pull him into a hug knowing he won’t have this anymore in real life. You whisper quietly while your head is tucked in his chest.

“I forgive you”

Jake's eyes went wide, wondering why you had forgiven him when he didn’t deserve it.

“I don’t want you to blame yourself dad, I know we never had the closest relationship but I want everyone to be happy even if I’m not there.”

He hugs you tighter not wanting to let go. Sobbing and wondering how he ever deserved you ever.

“Nga yawne lu oer,  Oel Ngati Kameie”

“Oel Ngati kameie, Nga Yawne lu oer sempu”

With that he opens his eyes, looking at the rest of his family with smiles on their faces looking at their memories with you in them. Now knowing that the light will always be lit because it you will always be present in their hearts.

[annymation]

The voices in my Wish Rewrite

I haven’t talked much about it, but in my Wish rewrite some characters would be recasted. I wanted to make this post just to show which actors I’d replace… And it’s pretty much everyone except Magnifico, cause ya know, Chris Pine is Magnifico, and Magnifico is Chris Pine, it’s just how it is.

So let’s get this started!

Asha- Denée Benton

Im absolutely OBSESSED with this woman’s voice, she sounds like an angel and carries so much personality in her performance, she sounds pure, youthful, hopeful but also strong, everything I imagine Asha as. THIS is what I imagine the 100th anniversary Disney princess sounding like. Not that I didn’t like Ariana DeBose’s singing tho, but I just love Denee Benton more, and hey, it’s my rewrite, so I get to imagine Asha’s voice how I please. Also I can totally see Asha and Aster singing this song.

Aster- Jordan Fisher

Oooooh this man, I love him so much. His voice has the perfect energy for Aster, sounding youthful and melodic like a prince, it had to be a literally other worldly voice, and I think Jordan’s voice is PRETTY DANG other worldly, like, this example I found on Spotify doesn’t even do him justice, go listen to his other singing chops on YouTube.

If you look up Jordan Fisher you’ll see the guy is DEEPLY connected with Disney in his career, from singing the song “Happily Ever After” 6 years ago, which is the theme song for the Magic Kingdom, to now being the main singer of 4-town in the movie Turning Red. And of course this one time he made a cover of “You’re Welcome”, the guy just lives and breaths Disney so WHY NOT have him as a wishing star? It just makes sense. But besides working with Disney he also has experience in a musicals such as Hamilton, Dear Evan Hansen, Sweeney Todd and more recently he became the new Orpheus in Hadestown… And by god I need a good quality audio of him singing “Wait For Me” more than I need air because that song fits Aster’s character SO WELL.

Magnifico- Chris Pine

Yeah no surprises here, you can’t have Magnifico without Chris Pine… But HIS SINGING VOICE IN THIS SONG THOUGH??? ITS SO GOOD!!! I listened to “Any Moment” ONCE and now I constantly go back to listen to it over and over and imagine young Magnus and Amaya meeting in the woods. I still haven’t posted about Amaya’s backstory BECAUSE IM TOO LAZY TO FINISH THE DRAFT I HAVE EXPLAINING IT- But let me just say her hesitating to start a relationship with him is VERY accurate to her character. And Magnus being like “May I kiss you” out of nowhere because he: 1- Sees himself as irresistible so he thinks she’d fall for him with just that and 2- he had 0 social skills before he met Amaya.

And then there’s the line “Life is often so unpleasant, you must know that as a peasant” ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! This is LITERALLY something my Magnifico would say, I’m so freakin lucky!

My point is, my rewrite’s Magnifico sounds like THIS when he sings, with a deep, smooth and honeyed voice that makes you want to trust him… Take that high pitched voice Chris Pine did in “This Is The Thanks I Get” and throw it out the window. Disney wasted the man’s talent. I’m so mad.

Amaya- Emily Blunt

Do you guys see my vision? Do I even have to say anything? Like really, go watch a scene of the Mary Poppins remake, any scene with her at all, that woman has a voice that DEMANDS respect, while also being motherly, it’s practically perfect in every way. I’m using “Open Up Your Eyes” here as an example though because… Well, it fits her backstory… Ya know, the backstory I’m stalling to talk about 👉👈… But it also just simply fits her personality in general!

And no disrespect for her voice in the movie, Angelique Cabral… BUT ITS EMILY BLUNT AS AN EVIL QUEEN!!! Come ooooon! It’s just meant to be!!!

Also side note, since we’re talking about Queen Amable, THIS design that came from an deleted scene is how I’ve imagined her the whole time:

Like, I could not STAND her hairstyle in the movie, it simply didn’t fit my vision for her character, see, Amaya is sophisticated but she’s also… Practical and likes to feel comfortable, hence why in my rewrite her dress has no sleeves, she values her own comfort more than conforming to the social norms… AND THAT HAIR LOOKING LIKE HEADPHONES WITH THAT CROWN THAT MADE HER FOREHEAD LOOK LIKE A SQUARE DROVE ME NUTS!

So yeah, this is our Queen Amable, voiced by Emily Blunt, with a British accent, in all her glory, we’re moving on.

Valentino- Gregory Mann

This is just a bonus mention, since Valentino doesn’t even sing in my rewrite, he just speaks in like 3 scenes… And you guys have only seen one of them so far. But either way, let it be known he sounds like Gregory Mann, because Gregory Mann sounds adorable. That is all.

Thank You For Reading!

[euripidestrousers]

The Bridget Jones Wolfstar AU that No One Asked For

Dear Diary, 

Even writing those words makes me physically ill so I’d like to start this off by disclosing that getting a diary was not my idea. 

You see, my best friend, James - excellent, wonderful best friend who has recently become a family man by choice, and has therefore become one of the most insufferable people on earth - gave me this diary and said it’s either this or he’s buying me therapy because one more rubbish one-week relationship of mine is going to kill him.

And I don’t need a fucking therapist, so here you are, and here I am. I feel better already.

(haha)

Dear Diary, 

James might be onto something. Today I found myself smoking my third morning cigarette while drinking my coffee and muttering that the drive to work is going to be hell because of the rain. 

I’ve become my father. 

Of course, I asked James if he ever looks in the mirror and sees Monty staring back and if it makes him want to buy a motorbike and he replied, ‘Uh, I’m literally his son, we look alike. Are you okay?’

My thirty third birthday is coming up. 

Please don’t let this be a mid-life crisis. I’m not in a relationship because I don’t want one, and haven’t had one in over ten years because the men in London either want to meet you in the park or meet your parents. It’s the last hour of the buffet and all that’s left is the salad. And I don’t need a relationship either. James and Lily are a match made in heaven since the first time he told her ugly friend he was ugly (rightfully so, the man is still hideous and a complete prick), and she told him to watch his fucking mouth. Made for each other.

But the last time I met a guy that made me laugh and was any sort of attractive and not a complete knob about being attractive, was over three years ago. 

Ie, it’s not for me. End of story.

I bought a motorbike

Dear Diary, 

I’m going to do away with the whole ‘dear diary’ thing, it makes me feel like a schoolgirl and if James ever finds you when we’re drunk he’s going to read out at least one embarrassing entry at me. They’re all embarrassing. 

I went on a blind date today.

“Long black for… Sirish?”

What? Oh. That vague jumble of mush must have been his name. Sirius grabs the takeaway cup and makes for the door briskly. He has the Binkley case to catch up on and write a piece on by the end of the week and he’s still not clear who the man is. A football star perhaps? He’s still being sidelined into the sports area of the paper because he did football for a year. Nevermind that he has an interest in politics and would very much like to report on where the country will be in ten years if it keeps going-

J: You busy after work?

Sirius grins, flopping his jacket over one arm to type back to James Potter, best friend and inarguably lesser half of Lily Potter. 

S: drinks?

J: I have a one year old

S: too early for him to start?

S: kidding. Don’t tell Lily. She’s already started making him take his helmet every time I take him for a day. 

J: It’s not for drinks. Lily has a friend who’s just come to town. I thought maybe you could show him around.

S: Worst lie ever. 

J: I haven’t had coffee yet.

J: It’s actually true though. He just came to town and doesn’t know anyone other than Lily, and Harry has a cold so we’re both staying home.

J: He’s quite attractive I’m told. Lily told me to say ‘tall Martin Freeman’, and that you’d know what it means

S: Potter, if I was so desperate that I would open to a blind date, I definitely wouldn’t start with any of Lily’s friends, they’re all college professors and about 50 years old. 

J: He’s 37

S: He has elbow patches. Guaranteed. Bet he says ‘but the Torries are actually not as conservative as they’re made out to be.’

S: Bet he has a mahogany desk and wanks to Aristotle

J: Jesus christ

J: Photo sent

Sirius glances down uninterestedly and sees a photo of a man. But instead of the expected stuffy looking balding man with a sour face, as most of Lily’s fellow professors are to be fair, instead he’s looking at a tall, brown haired man with flecks of grey at the temples and smiling softly at the camera, and he’s well, he’s not not handsome. Tall Martin Freeman is actually quite right. Hello.

He brings the phone closer to examine the photo as he blindly barges into the office building with the large Get Up, Britain sign gaudy and bright above him. 

The man is younger on second glance, although he is wearing a suit jacket with elbow patches (told you, Jamie), and standing a little awkwardly, like he’s not used to photos being taken of him, and it’s entirely likely that he’s more accustomed to being nose deep in a book ninety percent of the time. 

He’s shagged worse. 

S: I was right about the elbow patches

J: I really tried to find one without them too

J: But he sounds nice. Funny. Lily likes him, she talks about him all the time. They were prefects together in school and used to bunk off and smoke behind the bins

One the one hand: prefect. Disgusting. Hall monitors. Pigs-to-be, snooty, law-abiding to the most irritating degree (Lily being the exception, of course). On the other hand: smoking behind the bins is more his style. Speaking of, he’d love one right now-

J: I really think you’d like him. Even just friends. Moving cities is lonely and he sounds alright. He likes Manchester U?

S: Fine, I’m free after 6

S: Don’t yell at me if I shag him, work has been shit.

So that’s how Sirius finds himself, half past six, swearing up a storm and running with his tote bag over his head in the pouring rain, late for his blind date (or something).

He slams into the restaurant door, shaking himself off like a wet dog, his casual Friday jeans and black t-shirt soaking wet, his shoulder length, black hair is dripping around his face, hoping his laptop has survived, and shivering like a chihuahua at a children’s party. 

“Uh, I’m here for uh-” he consults his phone again and reads the name to the maitre d, “Reh-mus?”

“It’s Remus, actually”, comes a soft voice from his left. 

Sirius turns quickly and immediately drenches the man standing at his elbow in droplets of water from his hair and coat. Tall Martin Freeman indeed - he has one of those faces that’s even better in person, where the way he stoops his shoulders and holds himself makes him look soft and welcoming, and the warm lighting gives him that attractive, cozy professor look, rather than an uptight old man.

“Oh”, Sirius grins quickly, hoping his dazzling smile will make up for their flimsy introduction, “Right, Sirius. Are you still waiting for a table-?”

“I er, well, I was about to leave actually”, Remus says, glancing at the maitre d awkwardly, “You’re quite late.”

Sirius’ smile freezes. Well, then. 

“Got caught up at work”, he replies stiffly, brushing his hair back and letting his eyes go cold, “If you’d prefer we don’t-”

“No, no, of course not”, Remus appears to snap back, as if remembering his manners and seeming oddly distracted, “Please, let’s sit. You look like you could use a drink.”

Sirius runs his tongue along his bottom lip as he follows Remus to the table and wonders if that was a slight about him looking like a drowned rat. He notices the man has worn an absolutely hideous brown jumper that wouldn’t be out of place in an aged care home, so he doesn’t really have the right to judge Sirius’ appearance. 

“Wine?” The waiter offers politely. It’s a nice place - James said Lily had picked it because she thought Remus would like it. It is a little stuffy, honestly. Something his parents might have stopped by and deemed adequate, which is to say, the beer is fucking overpriced, Jesus-

“I’ll have the Stout again, please”, Remus answers briskly, nodding at Sirius to order his.

“Uh, yeah, Stout. Cheers”, Sirius adds, dumping his bag beneath the table and trying to surreptitiously dry his hair in the napkin. Remus looks away as if embarrassed by him. Swot.

“So, you know Lily through school?” Sirius starts, unable to keep the boredom completely out of his voice. 

“Yes. I take it you know James through yours”, Remus answers, very politely but also sounding just as bored. 

“Yeah, grew up together”, Sirius nods. 

Remus doesn’t say anything to that, just hums and sips some water. 

It’s fucking awkward. Normally, Sirius would give him an ultimatum - ‘look, do you want to liven it up a bit and turn this into a fun one-night thing? Because otherwise, I’m not feeling it and I’ve got work to do.’

But Lily knows this guy, they have mutual friends, and if this isn’t what makes blind dates the most excruciating, hellish thing on earth, worse than job interviews, worse than-

“I don’t really do blind dates”, Remus says suddenly, and then blinks as if he hadn’t meant to say anything at all.

“Right”, Sirius says, bewildered. 

“I, er, the dating scene. Not really my thing”, he says quietly, still not looking Sirius in the eye, “But I just moved here from Wales and I don’t know anyone, so this doesn’t have to be… anything. Just-”

“Oh- oh yeah. Fine with me”, Sirius finds himself swallowing down a touch of regret, offended really, because he’s not used to someone not immediately being ready to come home with him. “I’m not really looking for anything and blind dates are, well - eugh, you know? Like, thanks, my friends think I can’t get laid on my own or something so they set me up with whoever they think isn’t a serial killer, like any gay dude will do-”

“Yes, well”, Remus says tightly, taking another sip, “I rather thought Lily knew me better than that.”

His tone is rather pointed and Sirius realises he’s let his mouth run. Well… to be fair, the guy is kind of a snob. What was Lily thinking anyway?

“Yeah”, he agrees through his teeth, crossing his arms and legs and sitting back in his chair to wait for his beer. Maybe he can make an excuse after one drink. He can’t be friends with someone who doesn’t have a sense of humour and if this bloke doesn’t want to be a one-night stand, then he’d much rather be home. Alone.

“Is there anything around here you’d recommend?” Remus tries, voice clipped and still sounding slightly offended, “Restaurants? More importantly, ones you don’t recommend?”

“There’s a place that does turkey curry. It’s awful.”

“What? What curry?” The tightness in Remus’ face slips momentarily and he looks genuinely bewildered. He’s actually not a bad looker when he’s not frowning. 

“Turkey. It’s as bad as it sounds. Actually it’s worse, like eating a lamb burrito, it’s just not right. Shittest fucking curry and it’s as bad going in as it is bad going ou-”

“Two Stouts.”

The waiter delivers their beers and they fade off into silence as they drink. 

Remus sips delicately, in a way that’s completely inappropriate for a beer, and says awkwardly, “Yes well, thank you for the tip. I’ll rest easy never knowing what turkey curry tastes like.”

“Yeah, I mean, if you can avoid it then I guess this date wasn’t a waste after all.”

Remus blinks, expression dropping. 

Oh. Oh fuck. Double fuck. He hadn’t meant to say that.

“I’ve got to go to the bathroom”, Remus says abruptly and stands. He stalks away quickly and leaves Sirius gnawing at his lip and furious at both himself and this infuriating man who seems to loathe him, minutes after meeting him and who Lily apparently thinks is nice. 

He’s got other shit to be getting on with, he decides. And this bloke probably shags like a limp fish anyway, an Oxford type that thinks poetry is foreplay and once a month sex is scandalously frequent.

He drains his beer and half of Remus’ for good measure, and heads to the bathroom so he can catch Remus on his way out, only to hear his own name hissed furiously. He sees Remus standing out the front of the restaurant, shoulders raised against the cold and holding the phone to his ear. He steps closer and half opens the door to tell him he’s going to head off when he hears the conversation.

“... how did you think someone like Sirius would be good for me? After the hell I’ve had in the last year? Going on a date with someone like him? He showed up thirty minutes late, dressed like he’s going to a bar playing exclusively Metallica, and insulted me immediately. I told you, I don’t mind being alone for a while, especially after the divorce. I certainly don’t want to be shown around London by a rude, arrogant berk who dresses like a teenager and doesn’t seem to have a filter between his brain and his mouth. He probably thinks the bar scene is-oh”

Remus catches sight of him out of the corner of his eye and he spins. They stare at each other for a few excruciation moments, Remus still holding the phone to his ear. 

Sirius breaks the tension with a forced laugh, “Right. I’m definitely going home.”

“Wait, shit, I’ll call you back”, Remus mutters into the phone and hangs up, stepping forward but Sirius pushes past him, temper steadily rising into a roaring bonfire within his chest.

“Sirius, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean-”

“You’re absolutely right, I wouldn’t know the first thing about showing a bloke like you around London”, he turns and says loudly so it carries over the sounds of the cars driving by on the busy street, “You’d be more comfortable in a fucking graveyard, honestly. There’s one ten minutes that way-” he turns his back and points over to the left, calling back over his shoulder, “You’ll find someone much more your speed there, Remus.”

Blind date disastrous as expected. 

Remus fucking Lupin, a professor extraordinaire who wouldn’t be able to find his funny bone if it conked him on the fucking head, is not an exception to the blind date rule, even though he’s easy on the eyes at first glance. At second glance, he is a miserable, dried up academic whose own self-importance has completely consumed him despite dressing like his grandfather for Halloween. 

If this is what my friends think of me, I need to sort my fucking shit out. 

I should have asked him to shag before he opened his stupid fucking mouth. 

[chakotaybodypillow]

CHAKOTAYS TRIBE !!!!!! PLEASE READ IF YOU WANT TO KNOW HIS TRIBE!!!! I'VE DONE RESEARCH TO TRY AND FIND THE ANSWER!! <3

What the hell even is Chakotays tribe??? Would it be a surprise that there is an answer to that? What tribe he was based on has been questioned for a while and I’ve only seen a few people come close to a proper answer. I’ve seen people say that he is of Navajo/Dine descent or Ojibwe. I wouldn’t say any of those are wrong as his “traditions” were all over the place it made it hard to tell. Our first bit of evidence is the location he and his father traveled to in the episode “Tattoo”. Now this is my least favorite episode in Voyager, almost as worst as TNG’s Code of honor lol. So, it’s always hard to watch and I haven’t done so in a while, but I do remember they said they traveled to Central America. Obviously, this makes up a few different countries and tribes, but the most predominant Nation in this area are the Maya. I’ve been doing tons of research on this matter, and its literally impossible to compare Chakotay’s tribe to an individual Maya tribe. This is where the writers used the “Hollywood Indian” stereotype because its just all over the place. Other than the location, a few things that gives it away is the name of his tribe. They call themselves the “Rubber Tree People”. If you are familiar with Mesoamerican history, you would know that this is what “Olmec” is roughly translated to. Linguists were able to translate it from the Nahuatl word “Olmecatl” meaning “the rubber people who live on this land”. The rubber tree also plays a significant role in Mesoamerican tribes. The rubber from the tree was used to make the ball for the sacred game of “ulama”. Which played an important role of in the creation story in the Popol Vuh about the Hero Twins. The Olmecs came before the Maya and Aztec, but a lot of Olmec culture influenced their own. Whether or not Chakotay’s tribe were direct descendants of the Olmecs is unknown to me. It wouldn’t make much since historically speaking, but it would fit the narrative of the episode “tattoo”. Another indication would be one of his decedents, Ce Acatl. Ce Acatl Topiltzin was a real person who was a ruler of the Toltecs. I’ve only read a lil bit bout him so I won’t speak on what he did or who he was until I’ve done more research. Finally, one of the other MAJOR indications to me was in his short background story of pathways. I am aware that these are not canon, but it gives a glimpse into what the creators had in mind while creating theses characters. The literal first page is his father recounting a story from the Popol Vuh, and he’s talking about the Hero Twins, Seven Macaw, and the Maize God. My mind was blown when I read that, cause I started research about this a few yeas ago and was using clues from the show and figured since I had read the book before and didn’t remember any significant information about his tribe, there wasn’t any point to open it up. I read the book again at the beginning of the year and lost my mind. All of my answers were there lol. But it confirmed what I already knew. I felt hella proud cause I took the long way to get an answer and was still right. Anyways there’s still sooooo much to say about this and I’m working on a well put together paper explaining why the customs and traditions they gave him were wrong or confusing. I hope people will read cause I put a lot of research into it. I also have what I think to be some good lore that could fix a little bit of the damage that was done. More on that later though 😊.

[ridiasfangirlings]

Yata somehow finds himself back in time as his younger self and it's the day when Fushimi was to make his betrayal and leave Homra. Yata, being from the future post-RoK, now know what made Fushimi leave and what ruined their friendship. Would he change the past?

I feel like Yata would definitely try but I don’t know if it would do him any good, I feel like at that point Fushimi is just not in a headspace to take ‘I still want to be your friend’ from Yata no matter how sincerely Yata tries. Like imagine Yata gets hit by a Strain and finds himself sent back in time. He doesn’t even realize it at first until he gets a text from Totsuka saying that they haven’t seen Fushimi at all today. Yata gets choked up for a moment and then checks the date, realizing with a start that it’s showing years ago. He feels like there’s something about this date that he should know and then he looks at his messages again, where he’s been asking everyone if they’ve seen Saruhiko because a lot of his stuff is missing at the apartment. Yata’s stomach just drops as he realizes exactly what day this is and what’s about to happen. 

Yata knows he really shouldn’t try to change the past, he’s watched movies before after all, but the temptation is so strong — what if he could change just this one small thing, even if he can’t get Fushimi to stay in Homra (and now he knows why that isn’t an option) maybe he could still be Fushimi’s friend and they wouldn’t have missed so many years together. He decides he has to try, he at least has to make an attempt, and he heads to the alley where he knows Fushimi’s waiting. Yata’s demeanor is serious as he asks Fushimi where he’s been and why his stuff is gone, swallowing down all the memories of bitterness and pain, fists still clenching when he sees that twisted smile on Fushimi’s face.

Fushimi starts talking about how he’s going to S4 and how stupid and useless Homra is and rather than getting mad Yata just asks him ‘Saruhiko. Is that how you really feel?’. Fushimi is taken aback by this Misaki who won’t rise to the bait and Yata tries to word it calmly and clearly, that he understands Fushimi feels like he doesn’t belong in Homra and maybe S4 is better for him but they don’t have to break things this way, Fushimi doesn’t have to break them this way. Fushimi’s expression waivers for just a moment and Yata starts to feel hopeful but then Fushimi just laughs in Yata’s face all you don’t know anything at all Misaki, how stupid. Yata starts to respond that he does know but then he closes his mouth, even Yata is smart enough to realize that if he knows things that the Yata of this time wouldn’t know it will immediately put Fushimi on guard. 

Instead he tries to argue that it’s okay, Yata still wants to be his friend, and Fushimi laughs again as he’s like we were never friends. Yata is like you don’t mean that, come on let’s just talk about this rationally and this is where I think Fushimi throws that in his face, that Yata is an idiot who never wants to talk about things and how he needs to start seeing Fushimi as his enemy, and then Fushimi places his burning hand right on his own tattoo. Poor Yata is still horrified by it because I imagine this is still a traumatizing moment for him even in the future, remembering how Fushimi hurt himself, and the desperate smile on Fushimi’s face in response just makes it worse. Fushimi says that even if Yata wants to be friends Fushimi doesn’t, and Fushimi has all the time in the world to teach Yata why Yata should hate him. Yata’s abruptly pulled back to the future after this and maybe that world was even more like a ‘suggestion’ or something, so the past didn’t change anyway, but it’s still a shock to Yata. In a way it helps him too though — realizing that maybe there really was nothing he could have done in that exact moment, that Fushimi was going to do things his way regardless, and that Yata can’t blame only himself for all those years they missed.

[gracexthoughts]

of violent delights chap 24

burning embers

21 november 1996

Euphemia's POV

I rub at my eyes wearily and yawn, stretching my arms up and over my head as I sit up from my books and homework; a rather frustrating alchemy assignment that is due this week. My watch reads 12:55 AM and I sigh. Sirius is supposed to be meeting Harry and I at one, which is the only reason I’ve stayed up this late doing homework on a Saturday night. 

As I stand up from my desk, the door to my room burst open, Harry running through gasping for breath. “Dragons!” 

“What?” I exclaim, rushing to my brother’s side. 

“Hagrid-- forrest-- dragons--” Harry pants, seemingly having run all the way from the forest to her. 

“Haz, catch your breath. I can’t understand. Does Hagrid have another baby dragon?” Harry’s first year at Hogwarts, Hagrid had tried to raise a baby dragon in his mostly wooden hut. Harry shakes his head as he takes in gulps of air.

“Dragons, that’s the first task,” he says once he catches his breath enough. 

“Dragons?” I repeat, trying very hard to not show fear in my eyes. Harry nods solemnly just as the clock on my desk strikes one and a gasp emerges from the embers in my fireplace. 

“Mia! Harry!” Sirius calls out quietly and Harry and I scramble over, kneeling in front of the fire to see Sirius’ face in the low burning embers. 

“Sirius! How are you?” Harry asks. 

“Nevermind that, I’m worried about the two of you,” Sirius grumbles, his face much fuller than the last time we saw him, although his eyes still have a haunted quality about them.. Harry and I exchange a look and I nod, encouraging Harry to go ahead.

“I- well uh, fine I guess but, Sirius, Hagrid’s just shown me what the first task is. I’ve got to fight a dragon!” Harry stammers out, fidgeting with a loose thread on his jumper. “Malfoy’s right, I’m not going to last five minutes!” 

“Harry, since when do you listen to Malfoy?” I remind him. 

“Dragons we can handle, we’ll get to that in a minute. I haven’t got long,” Sirius says, pulling out focus back to the embers. “I broke into a house for the fire but they could come back any minute and I have to warn you.” 

“‘Bout what?” I ask. 

“There are Death Eaters at Hogwarts, Igor Karkaroff to be specific. He was in Azkaban with me but got released and I suspect that’s why Dumbledore has brought Moody in,” Sirius explains, in a hushed tone even though we are alone in my room. “He made a deal with the Ministry and gave up names of other Death Eaters but trust me when I say no one, no one, stops being a Death Eater.” 

“But Voldemort’s dead,” I say slowly, “Even if Karkaroff is still a Death Eater, what would he have to gain from coming after Harry? I mean it’s not like he could be in high favor with the Death Eaters if he traded names for freedom.” 

“We don’t know that he is dead for sure, Mia,” Sirius says but before I can protest he forges on ahead. “Now from what I can tell from the Daily Prophet, reading between the lines of that bloody Skeeter woman, it seems like Moody was attacked the night before the start of term. Like someone tried to stop him from making it to Hogwarts, probably knowing their job would be harder with him around.” 

“So what? You think Karkaroff put my name in the Goblet and is hoping the tournament kills me?” Harry asks and Sirius hesitates for a moment, looking between the two of us. 

“Strange things are happening,” he says after a moment, “The Death Eaters are becoming more and more active. They showed themselves at the World Cup and cast the Dark Mark. We have no proof that Voldemort is actually dead, there was no body.” 

“Dumbledore told me he was probably hiding somewhere my first year, that he was probably too weak to carry on but if Pettigrew found him,” Harry says, and my gut twists at the thought. 

“So what? Karkaroff managed to get himself out of prison how many years ago and now Voldemort has forgiven him for turning in his followers and given him the task of killing Harry?” I ask dubiously, looking between my brother and his godfather. 

“I’m thinking that the tournament is perfect cover for someone to attack Harry and make it look like an accident,” Sirius says bluntly. “Mia, Remus wrote to me. I hear you’re dating the Riddle heir?” Sirius’ eyes bore into me and I sigh; I’ve already received a letter from Remus warning me off Mattheo so I should’ve expected Sirius to know as well.

“I’m starting to get really fucking sick of people acting like Mattheo put me under a love potion or something and that I can’t take care of myself,” I snap, grateful Mattheo didn’t sleep over in my dorm tonight. 

“I didn’t say that-”

“You might as well have. I’m an adult Sirius and Mattheo knew his father as long as Harry and I did ours and he harbors no love for him either. I know him, you don’t, so I’d appreciate it if everyone would stop treating me like some fool blinded by a pretty face. I would have thought that you and Remus of all people would understand looking past someone's reputation and seeing them for who they actually are,” I cut Sirius off, reiterating what I wrote back to Remus. Sirius watches me for a moment, his eyes sad but a soft smile turns his lips up slightly. “What?” 

“You just look very much like your mother,” Sirius says softly but before I can ask more about my mother, Sirius forges on, “Listen, I’ll trust you if you say he is trustworthy, but I want you to be careful. The Riddles are a dangerous family, and even if his father wasn’t included in his upbringing, Voldemort’s blood still runs in his veins. Mattheo you call him? He very easily could have a hand in all of this-” 

“Well he doesn’t!” I snap. 

“I-I agree with Mia, Sirius… He’s got a bit of a nasty streak to some but he’s good to her, and me,” Harry says hesitantly, looking between me and the fireplace and gratitude floods through me for my brother. Sirius watches us for a moment, searching my face carefully. 

“Okay, if you trust him… just please be careful. Your father trusted Peter until the end and Lily spent many years defending a Slytherin friend of her own, only for him to turn his back on her when it served him,” he says solemnly and I grit my teeth at the reminder and I wonder silently at the story of our mum and her friend.

“Can we get back to how to get Harry through this first task?” I ask, afraid if we keep arguing about my love life I’ll stomp Sirius’ face of embers out and I’m not sure if that would actually hurt him or not. 

“Yes, right well there is a way, Harry. Stunning spells will be useless; dragons are far too powerful. You’d need about a dozen wizards in order for that to work,” Sirius says, turning his attention back to his godson. 

“No shit, I just saw one and it took nearly twenty!” Harry exclaims loudly, causing Sirius to glance back behind him. 

“Well could you fly? You’re an excellent flier,” Sirius suggests. 

“We’re not allowed anything but a wand,” Harry shakes his head glumly. 

“Well there’s a quite simple spell you could use to summon-” But before Sirius can finish his explanation, a noise sounds from behind him and Sirius startles. “I have to go, I’ll write again soon!” And with a quiet pop, his face disappears and Harry falls back on the floor next to my couch with a heavy sigh. 

“Great,” he mutters but my eyes are still trained on the fire, trying to figure out what Sirius was going to suggest. 

“Summoning…. Of course!” I sigh, jumping up excitedly. “Harry, have you learned the Summoning Spell yet?” 

“What?” Harry asks, looking up at me from where he sits. 

“Accio, have you learned it yet?” Harry shakes his head. “Well it’s quite simple really. You can’t take your broom with you but you could summon it to you! Then you can fly around the dragon, I doubt they’ll let it fly freely around Hogwarts grounds, they’ll have it chained down.” 

“But Mia, I don’t know the bloody spell!” Harry snaps, sitting up. 

“Well I’ll teach you, we’ve got till next weekend to practice. It’s far simpler than a patronus and its a fourth year spell anyhow so I’m sure you can get it no problem,” I say, kneeling back down in front of my brother. “You can do this, Harry. You heard Sirius, you’re an incredible flier.” I grab Harry’s face to make him look at me, still looking very unsure of himself. “Listen, you can do this. I know you can but for now go up and get some sleep. We can start practicing tomorrow, ‘kay?” 

“Okay,” he says tiredly and stands, reaching down to help me up as well before turning and heading for the door. “Hey Mia?” He asks, turning back to me. “If Voldemort… did come back, well- do you think….” 

“He’s not like that, Harry. I know everyone thinks he is but he’s not… He’s a good man, I know he is. I wouldn’t be with him if I thought he wasn’t,” I say earnestly, and it’s not just because I’ve fallen hard for Mattheo and everytime I think I couldn’t fall any further I do.

“I trust you, Mia, and if you trust him then so do I,” Harry nods. “No one else’s opinion’s matter, right?” He says with a soft smile and I nod. 

“Right, just ours,” I agree with a smile. “Go get some sleep.” 

“Yes, Mum,” he teases lightly, causing us both to chuckle as he exits my room, closing the door gently behind him. 

I crawl into bed, pulling the covers high up to my chin and try to sleep but worries keep my mind racing. It’s nearly three in the morning before I sigh and sit up. My bed feels so big and empty and cold without Mattheo and I’ve found that he is the only thing that never fails to calm me down. It’s as if my brain shuts off when he wraps his arms around me, keeping me safe and allowing me to relax even for just a moment. 

Before I know it, I’m standing before the snake statue that guards the Slytherin Common Room entrance and whispering the password, puritas, which means purity in Latin, as in pureblood. Typical of the Slytherins; according to Mattheo it always has something to do with blood purity or magic power. I creep through the thankfully empty common room and to Mattheo’s door towards the back of the common room. 

The doorknobs on all the prefect doors have flesh memories in them, similar to Golden Snitches, but the doorknobs can be charmed to keep certain touches from entering or only open for certain people. Mattheo and I both have full access to each others rooms so I open the door slowly, and creep into his room. 

The Slytherin dorms always seem much colder to me, and even though our rooms are set up in similar layouts and with all the same basic furniture, Mattheo has very little in his room. A muggle record player, a few books- some muggle and some magical- scattered around, his Nimbus 2001 leaning against the far wall, but very little else. No pictures or keepsakes littering the surfaces like the chaotic ensemble of my room. Sometimes I wonder if the slight mess of my room ever bothers him, but he never complains. 

I move to the four poster bed, rich dark green curtains and bedding adorning the bed looking black in the dark light, and I pull the blanket back carefully. Mattheo stirs slightly, his eyes blinking slowly open as I lay down next to him. Curls fall across his forehead haphazardly, his blankets tangled around his limbs.

“Mia?” He asks groggily. 

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you,” I whisper with a sigh. 

“Are you okay? What’s wrong?” he says, looking at me worriedly. 

“Nothing, I just couldn’t sleep,” I say, gently pushing a curl away from his forehead. Mattheo shifts his position, opening his arms for me to curl into. As sooqn as my head touches his chest, his arms around my shoulders, my brain quiets down instead focused on his heartbeat. 

“I’ve got you, princess,” Mattheo mumbles sleepily, and soon his breathing evens as he is pulled back into his dreams, and I follow soon after, the rest of the world disappearing beyond the four wall surrounding the two of us. 

a/n; this is poorly edited so im sorry

taglist; @purplegardenwhispers @somethingswiftandstyles @weasleyreidstyles @mayamonroem @girlbooklover555 @abaker74 @stxrsberkshire @helendeath

[theladyofdeath]

Better or Worse {6}

Nessian. Angst. Modern au.

@snelbz x @theladyofdeath collab

Better or Worse Masterlist

A/N: Thank you for reading! We hope you continue to enjoy! Please note this chapter's warning. x

Warnings: child loss.

We sit in Gwyn’s office in nothing but silence. I had high expectations for our date, but since then, things have been…tense. 

Cassian left me on the streets outside of Sea and Vine, which is exactly what I wanted. I made it two blocks before calling an Uber to drive me around the city before dropping me off at home. Cassian had been waiting up, but didn’t say a word to me once I had gotten home and climbed into bed. He simply made his way to the couch for the night after locking up.

I know I have to talk about what happened, but I wasn’t ready in that first session and I didn’t want to be shamed for not being ready. As I sit here now, however, I know that I’m going to have to face it sooner rather than later.

Especially when she starts the session by asking, “How did your date go?”

Cassian snorts beside me. I want to smack him. Gwyn just lifts a brow.

“Nesta wanted to leave halfway through because she didn’t like our topic of conversation, then decided to Uber home instead of getting in the car with me,” Cassian says, bitterly. I don’t blame him. Even though we’ve continued our small talk around the house for the last few days, I know that he’s still pissed about our date gone wrong. 

“I see,” Gwyn says, and looks at me. “What was this conversation that you didn’t like?”

I open my mouth to respond, but it’s Cassian that says, “I told her that we need to be truthful when we’re here. We need to get everything out in the open.”

Gwyn is still looking at me. “I will agree that honesty is key when in counseling. It’s usually the parts of us that we are afraid to face head on that are the things that need to be discussed. Even if it’s difficult.”

Cassian looks at me as he leans his forearms on his thighs. He’s a little too big for this tiny couch. That’s what I’m focusing on as he says, “I want to talk about it.”

I know what it he’s referring to. I don’t have to ask. “I don’t.”

“We need to.”

“I’m not ready.”

“You’re never going to be ready.” This time, his tone changes. It makes me look at him. His eyes are pleading and something within me sways and breaks. “I need to talk about it. I need for us to talk about it.”

I’ve been ignoring his needs for a long time. Ignoring them for so long that it led us here, to this, to him wanting to leave me. I know I need to grant him this, to open up, to talk about it, but the thought already has me in tears and I haven’t even said the words out loud yet. 

But then he turns to me and takes my hand. He brushes his thumb over mine, and it comforts me, if only a little. 

I find a place on the carpet and stare at it, cling to it, as I say, “Last time you had asked if anything had happened a year ago, when we started growing distant with one another, and I said no.” Cassian’s thumb continues to soothe me. “I lied, and asked Cassian to lie, too. There was no cheating, nothing like that, but…” I swallow and wipe my eyes with my free hand. “Cass and I tried starting a family about two years after we were married, once we had graduated and found jobs. It took a while, but I finally got pregnant and then I miscarried. The same thing happened about a year later, so we waited a few years before trying again. When we did try again, I got pregnant right away.” I look up at Gwyn, who is watching me patiently. I’m not sure if therapists are supposed to show any emotion, but I see the sorrow in her eyes that mirror my own. “I made it about halfway through my pregnancy, thinking that this would finally happen for me, for us, but then we lost her.” Her. There they were. The words laid bare. The words I have not spoken or confessed in a year, since the night that it happened, when I cried and screamed as my husband held me in the hospital. “That was about a year ago now.” I take a minute to try and compose myself, to overcome the sob that snuck its way out. Cassian's hand on mine is tight, and when I glance at him, he’s crying too, but his tears are silent. He says nothing, but he watches me, he comforts me, he grounds me. “I know that that’s when I started becoming distant. I wanted to mourn alone. That alone time eventually just became a wall that I had built up too high that I’m still having trouble tearing down. I started working more because it distracted me, and now it’s what everyone expects of me, to get out new content quickly. And I didn’t want to have any sort of intimacy because I didn’t want to go through that again.” I look at Cassian. “I don’t want to go through that again. I can’t go through that again.”

“First of all, Nesta, I want to thank you for trusting me — and Cassian — enough to open up about that.” The notepad is open before her, but for once, her pen isn’t in her hand. Her eyes are on me, on both of us, as she regards us with sympathy. “I had a feeling there was something you weren’t being completely forthright about when we spoke last, but I will never push you into speaking about something you haven’t begun to come to terms with yourself. Infertility can often be a silent battle, one that you feel like you’re going through alone, but I can assure you that you two are not the only ones fighting it.” She turned her attention on Cassian and I tensed. “Cassian, if I may, you lied for Nesta when we talked last, yet it seems like this is something you’re needing to talk about, too. Why is that?”

He released a breath, his fingers tightening in mine. “Because…no one knew. No one knows.” My eyes shut before I could see Cassian’s fresh tears, but I’m unable to stop my own tears that continue to fall. “We kept the pregnancy a secret, after the two miscarriages before. Nesta wanted to wait to tell our family and friends. We didn’t want to get anyone’s hopes up, to get our hopes up, if something went wrong. And then it did.” His voice was quiet and broken. “My brothers never even knew that I was going to be a dad. And then she was just gone, before we even got to hold her. To know her. To love her.”

Suddenly, I can only see the blood. I see blood on our sheets and hear the beeps of machines at the hospital, meant to read her heart rate and mine. I remember the emptiness I felt, empty from the shock until the reality hit me, that my baby was gone. Again. Everything after that was a blur but that emptiness had returned, had remained. The bloodstained sheets and the steady beeping of the heart monitor remained in my mind, in my memory. The monitor only picked up one heartbeat, and it wasn’t the one I had wanted to hear.

Guilt consumes me, yet again. I had never asked Cassian how he was after that. I had never wanted to talk about it. He had to heal, all alone. I want to apologize, but I can’t seem to open my mouth and form the words, so I reach up and wipe his tears with my free hand. 

Our eyes meet and hold, and a wordless conversation passes between us. Gwyn remains quiet, letting a moment pass, then another. 

“I encourage you both to talk about this beyond these walls.” Gwyn spoke quietly. “And when you’re mourning this loss, let the other know so that they can be there for you and comfort you. We are not meant to grieve alone and it seems that the two of you have been grieving alone for far too long.” 

I nod, as does Cassian. 

“Is that honest communication something you can vow to work on?”

“Yes,” I say, clearing my throat, and Cassian repeats my answer. 

Gwyn smiles kindly, and I have to admit that I'm feeling lighter. At least until she asks, “Was it before this experience that the two of you were last intimate?”

Ah. The other topic I’ve been dreading.

“No,” Cassian begins, slowly. His grip on mine has lessened, but he keeps holding my hand. “There was a time about six months ago, but that’s been it.”

The time when he came into the shower with me. It had been good, amazing, as it always had been. But that was it. One time in a year. I’m embarrassed. I look at the floor to try and hide it.

Gwyn jots something down. “And how do you feel about that lack of intimacy?”

“I understand it,” he said, calmly. “Especially now that she’s told me why…but, I’d be lying if I said that it didn’t bother me.”

“How would you describe your sex life, before everything happened?” She asks, as if it’s a totally normal thing to ask about. Which, in this instance, I guess it is.

“Very healthy,” I admit, clearing my throat. I’ve never been uncomfortable talking about my sexuality, but intimacy is a very different case.

She writes down something else. “And how often were you having sex to consider it very healthy? A few times a week?”

Meeting Cassian’s gaze, it feels like my face is on fire. Beneath the tears that are still drying on his face is a smirk. A hint of the man I married.

I roll my eyes, trying to hide my smile, and he takes the lead. “At least once a day, sometimes more.”

Gwyn’s eyebrows raise, just enough that I know his words shocked her, and hums. “Very healthy, indeed.” She scribbles something down before looking between us. “How often do you touch?”

Again, my cheeks hea for no reason. “We just told you, it’s been a while.”

“I don’t mean intimately. I mean, how often do you physically touch?” She gestures to Cassian. “When she touched your face a few moments ago, were you aware that you moved closer to her?”

Trying not to be obvious, I look down to where we’re sitting on the small couch. When we first sat down, we were both leaning against our respective sides, but now…

Our thighs are pressed against each other, Cassian’s hand resting on his own lap, but poised to take mine again at any time.

“I hadn’t, no.” His voice is low and I can’t sense the emotion there.

“Ultimately, our sessions are to get the two of you back where you started, yes? This is a journey I take with couples all the time, but no one reaches the destination the same way.” She closes her notepad, indicating our time today is almost over. “For some, sex is a hurdle that needs to be crossed. For some, it’s a crutch and there are even others that use it as a weapon against their significant other. For you two, I think sex is a wall.”

Cassian hesitated, his brows furrowed.

“For this wall to come down, I think you should take things slowly,” Gwyn suggested, carefully. “Start small. Little gestures of intimacy. Hold hands. Try a hug. Even just a little, random touch, like when you touched Cassian’s face, Nesta, or when you, Cassian, were rubbing Nesta’s hand. These little touches will serve as a foundation for everything else. Before jumping into sex, I recommend that you rebuild your foundation. What do you think about that?”

“I think that sounds nice,” I say, honestly. 

“I agree,” Cassian says, quietly.

“Good.” Gwyn smiles, and before we are dismissed, we set up our next session for two weeks from now. After we say our goodbyes, me and Cassian make our way to the truck.

The ride home is quiet but not uncomfortable. We spend our time absorbing, reflecting. We’re about halfway there before he takes my hand. He doesn’t let go until we’re parked in the garage.

“Dinner tonight?” he asks, once we’re in the kitchen and Greg greets us.

“What’re you thinking?”

He opens the fridge and takes a look around. “Roasted chicken? I can make it with corn or asparagus, maybe some rice.”

“That sounds good.” 

When he turns back around, he sees that I’m watching him and gives me a small smile. “So, uh, how do you feel?”

“Overwhelmed,” I say, honestly, “but relieved, if that makes sense.”

He nods. “It does. I feel about the same.” He rubs the back of his neck, which serves as a sign that he’s nervous or uncomfortable with whatever he’s about to say next. “I’m glad you wanted to do this. Counseling. I think it’s going to be good for us.”

We have a long way to go.

I know this, he knows this, it can be felt in the air between us. To get back to the people we were, the people so madly in love that such a love shouldn’t exist, it would be no easy journey, but that was okay, because we were working towards it.

I had to believe that we could make it back to that place again. 

[noonaishere]

Music of the Heart [J.YH] - eighty-one | public breakup

“Well, I think that’s it for now guys…” y/n trailed off as the game menu closed and the stream went back to the still image of the artistic rendering of her. “I’m a little tired.”

You watched the chat as people talked about random things, said goodbye to each other, said goodbye to youtube, whatever. 

You were a little hungover and didn’t really remember what happened last night, though you did remember being pissed off at Yunho because he didn’t show up. At the moment, you were trying to distract yourself from those lingering thoughts by crowding out any semblance of them with y/n’s stream.

WhoTheWhat: Where’s Morn?

That’s right, San hadn’t been here the whole time. You were almost done reorganizing the files on your hard drive and you’d been in the chat for the whole four hours of streaming… where was he?

“That’s actually why I’m a little tired. Umm… Morn and I broke up yesterday.”

The chat exploded with ‘what?’ and ‘no!’ and her mod messaged, telling everyone to stop. The shocked messages abated, and they started to ask the kind of questions a concerned friend might ask. You wondered if she thought it was nice or terrifying to have so many people concerned about her well-being.

“It’s okay. I thought we were great together too, it’s just that… sometimes things just don’t work out, you know?”

The chat threatened to beat San up. You chuckled, you had to admire how much they liked her. Her mod yelled at them again.

“None of that, you guys, none of that.” She laughed. “Yeah, I mean… all breakups suck, but I’m pretty okay.”

She sighed heavily. She didn’t sound okay. You wondered if maybe you should text her. But maybe that wouldn’t be good since the last time you did she sent San to pick you up and she’d see that again when she opened the message thread…

“We had a good dynamic, you know? Maybe even better than me and Keeho, right? And it was sorta crazy because we haven’t known each other that long. We just like…”

Bargaining. Something you knew well when you had stopped talking to Yunho all those years ago. The trying to figure out if there was anything at the beginning, trying to figure out if you could have seen it coming… you remembered it.

“Yeah, we clicked immediately. In real life, too. We met a little while before we started dating, and we got along, like, immediately.”

You remembered that too, one of the very few memories you still had from when you were really young. Meeting Yunho was the same, becoming best friends almost instantly, like you were meant to be together.

“True that.”

You looked down at the chat.

YangYangGangGang: Who asked who out? SleepySheepy😴: Are we allowed to ask?

“Mmm… I guess I asked him out. I was actually a little surprised he said yes.” She sounded like she was smiling.

JohnnyYuta: Really? A🌲SurroundedBy🌷s: Why were you surprised?

“Well, I didn’t know if he liked me that way, you know? We hadn’t known each other that long so like… some people take longer to develop feelings than others.”

YangYangGangGang: And you developed feelings first?

“Yeah… I guess I did.” She sniffled.

You sniffed. Thinking about their break up made you sad, they seemed genuinely suited for each other, from what you had seen. You wondered if San would stream by himself? Would the rest of the group allow him to stream when they stream together? It occurred to you that living in the public eye was horribly complicated when it came to relationships.

You looked down at the chat again.

JohnnyYuta: Cat, you don’t have to keep talking about him if you miss him A🌲SurroundedBy🌷s: Yeah, if it hurts to talk about, you don’t have to tell us MinHoe: Yeah, you should talk to a friend LuciPURR: We care about you too, but we’re just your fans

Her chat was so nice.

She sniffed again. “Thanks guys. But it doesn’t really hurt, I mean, yeah I guess it hurts, but like… I don’t know.”

QuackIsWack✅: You can stop streaming if you want to JohnnyYuta: You don’t have to tell us everything A🌲SurroundedBy🌷s: Or even anything LeaBea✅: Yeah

That was very true. This was a private matter that had nothing to do with the people watching.

“Yeah-- I thought that maybe I should because he’s not going to be around anymore. I didn’t want you guys to be like… wondering where he was or if he was okay or anything, you know?”

You wondered if streamers who dated always had to do these things. It seemed like it was worse than what idols have to go through, since fans had real-time access.

MinHoe: You don’t have to do this for us LeaBea✅: Yeah, your feelings are way more important LuciPURR: You’re the one who dated him, not us

One of the few things you had heard about streaming was that streamer’s chats could be really toxic, she was probably blessed by having such a nice chat.

“I guess you’re right… I don’t know. I guess I sort of wanted to talk about it a little… like for my own sake? I don’t know if that makes sense.”

I💚Keeho: It does. Sometimes we need to speak our feelings out loud, you know? LuciPURR: Yeah, you have to be honest with yourself YangYangGangGang: But forget about us, you should worry about yourself first

“Mhm… I guess you’re right.”  She sighed. “Do you guys think I should quit streaming early today?”

MinHoe: If you want to, go ahead! JohnnyYuta: Yeah, we’ll be here when you’re ready A🌲SurroundedBy🌷s: Mhm JohnnyYuta: Take a break if you need to take a break A🌲SurroundedBy🌷s: Breaks are important QuackIsWack✅: I can hold down the fort until you come back

So supportive.

“Yeah, I guess they are.” She sighed. “Whelp, I’ll see you guys next time, okay?”

JohnnyYuta: See you! A🌲SurroundedBy🌷s: See you! LeaBea: Hope you feel better! YangYangGangGang: Sending good vibes SleepySheepy😴: Get some sleep MinHoe: Come back when you’re ready LuciPURR: Bye! I💚Keeho: Make sure to rest!

“I will. Bye everyone.”

The stream ended and you were left to ponder what you witnessed. You wondered if you should call her or maybe text? Were  you close enough to her to do that? You wondered if Yunho had talked to San about it, since they were roommates and everything. You remembered that San and y/n also worked at the cafe together; you wondered if it would be awkward for them now. It’d have to be.

You found yourself glad that you hadn’t told Yunho you liked him at all. Not that you had thought to, but the idea of relationship agony made you even more than glad that you never did.

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[welcome-to-puppet-hell]

Lovingly (Part 1) - Character Study (Puppet!OC)

Content Warning: Disturbing imagery, slight violence, mentions of Dermatillomania (skin-picking disorder), subtle references to OCD, a special appearance of the WH black mold/sludge

[divider credit to @saradika-graphics]

There’s comfort in doing crochet. Something soothing about the motions; the insert of the hook into a hole and the yarning over of the working yarn and the pull and loop, the completion of a stitch. Sure, sometimes a cramp started from the fingers when first working on a project; but once you get used to it, the ache barely comes.

I loved doing crochet. It kept my mind calm during my commute to and from work, muffling away the other voices on the bus. It kept my hands occupied, especially when my mind would begin to wander to nightmarish scenarios that I knew would never happen—but would still result in me obsessing and obsessing until I felt ill—when my fingers would twitch with a familiar compulsion to pick the skin along my body until my nails drew blood. Fortunately, I haven’t done that in years. Therapy had helped a little, learning to organize my life and my mind, even better—but crochet still worked very well.

You would always smile at me when catching me work, eyes soft and full of love. You never figured out why I practiced such a hobby, about the nightmare I carried—the one that killed my father, made my grandmother into a monster—and I liked it that way. I liked having some secrets to myself.

One night, though, worry was wrinkling your forehead. Your eyes looked far away, your mouth twisting with an anxiety that made my own flare up. Then you pulled your lips into your mouth, a shift indicating you were gnawing on them lightly. I finally put down my needle and yarn, unable to take it.

“What is it? Something’s clearly on your mind. Just say it.”

It came out so harshly—sorry, I’m not good with being nice or gentle when I’m nervous—but you didn’t flinch. You never did.

“I got a job offer. Y’know that archiving project I interviewed for? For that old show? I heard back. But,” you hesitated. “It’s going to be in this small town in Montana. I’ll have to relocate.”

Montana? That was so far from New York, where we both came from—where we’d lived our entire lives. That part of the country felt like a whole new world compared to the familiar sounds of trains making the tracks above tremble, of cars honking, the pungent smell of the city streets, the taste of fresh, crispy pizza or the softness of freshly baked bagels. The idea of leaving that behind made me tremble all over.

But when we’d gotten married six months ago, I’d vowed to follow you wherever, just as you had with me.

So, I made sure to force a casual tone when I replied, “Okay, then. When do we move?”

Your eyes blinked, shining as if in shock. Then your mouth spread into a grin, much like I remember, like the first warmth of sunshine in the morning.

And then, the grin continued to grow. And grow. And grow. And grow. And grow. And grow. And grow—

By the time I realized there was something not right about your open mouth, that mockery of your smile, your eyes started to drip with this oily black sludge. I followed the path of the sludge down your cheeks, until it was dribbling down your neck. Then it started dripping from your mouth.

I tried to speak, but immediately felt the urge to gag. My hands slammed against my mouth and my nose. God, that smell. I’ve never come across anything like it, more pungent than sulfur, more insidious than mold. Pure rot, it was. It made me feel so sick, gave me the urge to repel, to run—but I couldn’t. I couldn’t move. I could only stare and watch, tears coming to my eyes. 

What was happening to you? What was doing this? How can I stop it—?

Any more thought in my head froze, my eyes widening. My pulse pounded sickeningly in my veins, despite a chill coming to my fingers.

Because, right from your gaping mouth—coming deep from your throat—was a huge pale hand, dripping with the sludge. Palm open, fingers out and curled, as if in a climbing gesture. Even under the fingernails, I could see a hint of the sludge mixed with the red that must have been your blood or tissue. My stomach dropped to my toes.

What…what is this? Why—?

The hand thrust forward and wrapped around my throat, cutting off my air. I gasped, heaved, and clawed at it, but it just pulled me forward. Spots appeared in my vision, I couldn’t breathe—and yet I still caught how your empty eyes dilated, how you seemed to be shaking with a silent laughter. The tears in my eyes fell as black started filling my vision, my own sobbing voice becoming muffled, drowned.

And then, somewhere in the void, a phone began to ring.

[Next Part]

[ternfic]

Reboot

Chapter Four

It was fairly early in the morning yet when they arrived at their destination. It reminded Bad Cop of Bricksburg before the rebellion and the Duplo invasion, just with suburban houses instead of a cityscape. The inhabitants were out and about, talking with each other excitedly over some big event that was apparently scheduled to happen later that day. Many of them were tall Systarians, like the General, but there were also many faces he recognized, not the least of which were the superheroes who had left years ago, never to return.

There were two things he noticed about his fellow Alterrans that disturbed him greatly. One- people he’d known to be sworn enemies, or at least intolerant of each other back home, were acting like the best of friends now. Two- they were all covered in glitter. And there didn’t seem to be so much as a single sparkle on any Systarian he could see.

Something doesn’t seem right about that, Good Cop agreed. …Can you at least manage a neutral expression? People are starting to stare.

Bad Cop fought down a wince at his other half’s observation. “Right,” he muttered, and tried to school his expression into less of a scowl. A glance at Rex showed the rogue to look almost as out of his depth as Bad Cop himself felt, though he was hiding it behind a confident smirk. Nobody really seemed to be giving Emmet a second glance though, as he cheerfully greeted people on their way down the street.

You know I would take over for you, but my face…

I know. We’d get caught in a heartbeat.

He stepped up to Rex’s side. “You seem the most familiar with these people,” he started. Rex glanced up at him. “What do you think happened to ours? This isn’t normal behavior for them.”

“They’ve been brainwashed,” Rex answered, keeping his voice low so as not to be overheard. “Music holds a strange power, here. Certain songs especially. If these people randomly start singing, run. You do not want to stick around to find out what the effects are.”

“Duly noted.” The two paused to watch as Emmet chatted up one of the locals, asking about the ‘wedding party’ and where they might be.

“They’re very good friends of mine,” Emmet was saying. “I haven’t seen them for a while though, and I’d like to surprise them, and congratulate them on being invited to be guests of honor at the Queen’s wedding.”

“Oh, you mean the leaders of Apocalypseburg? They’re likely at the palace, the Queen was very excited to meet them for herself.”

“I’ll bet she was,” Rex muttered darkly to himself. He stepped closer to the conversing pair. “Do you think they’d let us in?”

The Systarian glanced at him. “Well… if you are old friends, I don’t see why not! In fact I’m sure the Queen will be thrilled to see friends reunited!”

“Great! Thanks!” Emmet chirped, and bade them farewell. “To the palace, then?” he asked his companions.

“Absolutely,” Rex agreed. “Though I don’t trust that we would be let in just like that. I’ve seen the security around that place, and that General’s almost always hanging around.” He folded his arms and tapped his foot as he thought. “Though with what’s happening today, there’s probably going to be a million things going on at once to get it all ready on time, and everyone will be distracted. We might have a chance to sneak in.”

“Does your cruiser have cloaking technology?” Bad Cop asked.

Rex nodded. “It does. Almost as good as the Rexcelsior’s, even, so we should be able to sneak right up there unnoticed. There’s like fifty balconies, we can hop right in on one of those.”

“Been harassing Systar for a while, have you?” Bad Cop mused. Rex snorted.

“I’ve got good reason to. They took everything from me. And even if I haven’t been back to Alterra in like ten years, it’s still home, and I am so not cool with them constantly attacking it.”

They made it back to where they’d hidden the cruiser in the jungle, and this time Emmet squeezed himself into the back to allow Bad Cop some extra leg room. They made it out of Suburbia unnoticed, and Rex set a course for the palace, located at the heart of the system.

“Oh wow,” the construction worker gasped as the twisting gold and ivory spires came into view. “That’s amazing!”

“It is pretty,” Rex admitted. “But don’t let it distract you from our task. We’re here to find your friends and get them out, remember?” Emmet nodded. “And then once they’re safe, we have to put a stop to the wedding.”

“Why?” Bad Cop asked.

“Because it’ll-” He paused, catching himself. “I think it’ll seal whatever spell they’re under, make it permanent. And with so many of our people on their side, Alterra won’t stand a chance. We’ll all be brainwashed and assimilated. There’ll be nothing left of who we are.”

“Then shouldn’t that be our first priority?”

“Our friends haven’t been brainwashed yet, but they’re on the inside. We could use that to our advantage. Even just getting Lucy in on the plan would be a huge help,” Emmet explained.

“I see,” Bad Cop murmured. “Makes sense. Very well. I hope this plan of yours works out.”

[irishk0rn]

I thought my analysis on a damn YouTube video for Dragonflight was cool so here is my two cents:

[copy and pasted]

Hey, so I haven’t had much time to play, but I will start this comment off by saying I love Wrathion. Very much. I haven’t gotten far enough to see Sabellian, so I’ve just been watching cinematics (they keep showing up when I open YouTube)

I personally am torn between them. Yes, yes, Wrathion is very young, very impulsive and very hot headed. But he seems to have the flight’s best interest in mind. He was literally torn apart and put back together with spare parts for the purpose of living past Deathwing’s legacy and making sure the black dragonflight are redeemed. His pompous approach towards the subject is understandable, because he feels like he suffered the most for the flight. He had the weight of the world on his shoulders from a young age, and while he was a little brat, he acted out of what he thought would be right for the world. When he returns in Battle For Azeroth, he still just wants to help. He wants to right his own wrongs on top of the wrongs of Deathwing.His entitlement is justified, in my eyes.

Although, another thing to consider is that Sabellian spent his time in Outland cleansing the black dragonflight of madness after freeing himself from it, instead of just slaughtering them like the player and Wrathion did. As the last living child of Deathwing (though I suppose the reason Wrathion thinks of Deathwing as a father is because maybe one of the whelp corpses he is made of was a child of Deathwing, or he is referring to him as the father of the black dragonflight, much like how the reds refer to Alexstrazsa as mother or grandmother) Sabellian thinks of Wrathion as a child, and he is. He looks down on him. He sees himself as much better. He is experienced in leading and patience with long tasks.

Now, here is my theory:

I think Sabellian is still corrupted. I think he figured out how to hide it or control it for a time, especially laying low after Deathwing was slain and when N’Zoth returned, just at points where he would surely be killed as well. Maybe the Old Gods’ influence lingers after they die, or maybe Sabellian has just been so far gone that the Old Gods’ corrupting him is no longer needed, as he is already mad.I think he wants full control over Azeroth to be able to manipulate her and her inhabitants when he wants. He is not carrying Deathwing’s legacy, he is making his own. And he refuses to play second fiddle to a bratty child dragon who was supposed to die with everyone else years ago.

Wrathion is hot headed, yes, but he also wants to help Azeroth, his home, and his flight. He has always wanted to help, even if he messed up. He would not have returned so obviously and stayed near Sillithus if he didn’t want to help. Sabellian just... seems to want the title. At least so far. He expresses no interest in Azeroth or helping the cause, and only expresses interest in the black dragonflight when it involves his leading and control of them.

Anyway, tl;dr: I think Sabellian is still corrupted and just jumping on bandwagon “Wrathion is just a baby” hate. Team Wrathion!

These are just my opinions on what I have seen!

Sorry for errors if there are any, I’m on mobile.

[tellthemeerkatsitsfine]

So, I’ve decided to change up this blog’s theme a bit. I haven’t changed anything since I first created it, almost exactly three years ago – I believe this blog’s was born on August 11, 2020. At that point, I’d watched all of a few major panel shows and sitcoms, was in the process of watching more, and had my initial list of other stuff I wanted to see. And was running out people in real life who would speak to me because I kept telling them about British people they did not care about, so I figured I had to start putting some of it on the internet.

 I went to Tumblr because it’s the only social media site on the internet that isn’t bullshit. Reddit – does what it does well, parts of it are good for specific discussions, but it doesn’t let you set up an account and just post whatever you want, you have to find the correct subreddit. Twitter – can you imagine me in 240 characters, or whatever it is now? Facebook – I already had an account there, everyone I know in real life is on there, they were spamming it at the time with conspiracy theories because I was quickly learning that it turns out everyone I had chosen to surround myself with in life is terrible! Every social media site besides those ones – that’s where the influencers live, isn’t it? I don’t want to go where the influencers live.

So I created a Tumblr account. Tumblr asked me a few questions of the bat, and I thought about them for around one minute each – enough so each answer would mean something, but I was mostly just going with my initial instincts.

It asked me what I wanted my cover photo to be, and I went with my favourite season of my favourite panel show - simple.

It asked me for a profile picture, and I thought, what do I want to represent me? What part of Britcom, for this Britcom blog, captures the essence of how I’d like to be seen? And then I thought: Jo Brand. But not just any Jo Brand. Those pictures of Jo Brand that the Daily Mail and similar publications used when they were trying to smear her after she made that Nigel Farage milkshake joke in 2019. I want people to look at the internet representation of me, and see the version of Jo Brand from those papers, where they thought she looked bad and threatening and she had a cup in her hand as though she’d just poured her drink on a racist and was wishing she had something stronger. That’s what I want to be.

It asked me for a username, and this wasn't even an RIP tribute thing, because Sean Lock was still alive then. I just thought about what was a Britcom panel show moment funny enough to seem worth using as a name, and the first thing I’d thought of was Sean Lock on 8 Out of 10 Cats saying he wants to tell the meerkats it’s fine. So that’s what I am now. And that one I won’t change – I like that name, and I have to have some consistency, I think of this as my “Tell the Meerkats it’s Fine” blog, so if I changed it then it would become a completely different blog, and I don’t want that.

It asked me for a blog title, and I immediately thought of James Acaster’s comment on one of my favourite episodes of Catsdown. Possibly my very favourite episode, actually. I thought it was funny, and fitting, for a blog where I’ll be writing about people who can be called legends, in various ways and with varying degrees of irony. I don't see that one changing any time soon either, because it fits perfectly.

So the names remain, but I’ve decide it’s time for new pictures. It’s been a while. The focus of this blog has changed a bit. It’s still a Britcom blog, and Taskmaster season 4 is still my favourite season of my favourite panel show, and I still have great respect for the version of Jo Brand that the Daily Mail tried to smear because she made a joke about wanting to maim a racist. But in the last year, I’ve found myself more into stand-up and podcasts than panel shows and sitcoms, which is where this blog started.

(Also I chose those pictures before I read some of the stuff Jo Brand has said about TERFs – not that she is one, if she were a TERF I would not have kept my profile picture after learning that, she’s just sounded slightly more “well, we should listen to both sides” about the issue than I’d like, ideally, in a person whom I designate as the face that will represent me on the internet. Also I chose those pictures before learning that Noel Fielding might have slept with a teenager quite a few years ago, but not enough years ago so that he was also a teenager, and it’s entirely possible that the tabloids made all that up, I hope they made it all up, the point is that the hilarious panel show things I liked don’t seem quite as perfectly clean as they did a few years ago.)

So, I have updated my blog to reflect changing times, in my comedy-related interests. And I realize this is quite a change, because I’ve had multiple people tell me over the last few years that they picture me as looking like Jo Brand, because Jo Brand is the avatar next to all my posts. I do enjoy that, and I apologize to all those people who think I am Jo Brand that you are now going to have to adjust to seeing something else when you look at my blog.

I asked myself, who would I choose now, out of all the people in comedy, to represent me? Not someone I think I actually am like – I would never be arrogant enough to make such a claim. But someone who represents enough of the things I think are perfect so I would want them to be my face on the internet, feel no hesitation about having their face on all my posts? And there was no question, really.

If anyone reading this blog must have an image of me in their heads, I would like that image to be Josie Long, wearing a feminist t-shirt (it says “No More Page Three” on it), at The Stand comedy club in Edinburgh, doing some of her early pro-socialism material for a Stewart Lee TV show in 2013. I can't think of much that's better than that.

I also thought about a new cover image – what is the most significant Britcom thing to me these days, for this Britcom blog? Of course there are many things, that are central to my current interests, and it’s hard to find just one image that summarizes enough of them. But I know what comes the closest to that.

Five comedians on stage: Daniel Kitson, Adam Hills, David O’Doherty, Demetri Martin, John Oliver. I have seen/heard all stand-up comedy DVDs/CDs/any other official releases by all of those people, as well as quite a few things that were not officially released. Heard a few hundred hours of John Oliver on the original run of The Bugle, and that’s a huge thing that’s shaped my current comedy interests. I’ve become rather disillusioned with Adam Hills lately, but I did watch several hundred episodes of The Last Leg, and it had some very good stuff in its glory days. All five of David O’Doherty’s albums are saved on my phone, because I’ve heard them all all the way through before but I enjoy going back and jumping around and re-listening to them. Demetri Martin’s out there giving me one comedian I can reference to my North American friends, and they’ll have heard of him (I mean, John Oliver too, but my favourite John Oliver things are British or at least Transatlantic things that people don’t know here, while if I talk about the Demetri Martin things I like, I’m talking about the same stand-up recordings people here know). And Daniel Kitson took over my life some time ago and that has not come close to abating.

We’re coming up on the twenty-year anniversary of this, by the way. It happened on August 26, 2003 (if you want some useless information that lives in my brain, that was also Nish Kumar’s eighteenth birthday). I should have some sort of party for the twenty-year mark. I’ll rip some stuffed cows in half and sing some Eminem songs wrong.

I’ve come to refer to this incident as Cowgate, which I thought was a clever name. Employs the common thing where you use the suffix “-gate” to mean “scandal”, because I don’t know what the fuck was going on there but I don’t think it was right with God. Also, it took place in the recently rebuilt Gilded Balloon, after the original Gilded Balloon burned down, because it was in the Cowgate neighbourhood of Edinburgh, and there was a fire in Cowgate.

Someone who knows I'm sufficiently interested in that video to have created my own nickname for it, but for some reason still speaks to me anyway, very helpfully took a picture for me at this year’s Edinburgh Fringe, of a sign in the Cowgate neighbourhood. I’d been thinking of updating my blog’s pictures anyway, and this seemed like the perfect time to do it. Take a screenshot of that video and label it with the picture of the Cowgate sign–combining pictures from two different Edinburgh Festivals, twenty years apart – and there you go, that’s the comedy I like. It’s Kitson. It’s O’Doherty. It’s Oliver when he was British. It’s Hills before he was tight with the monarchy. It’s Chocolate Milk Gang. It’s cool yet inexplicable shit from old Edinburgh Festivals. It’s 00s-era comedy history. It’s a collection of things that followed from so much earlier stuff that I respect, and paved the way for so much later stuff that I respect. It’s been keeping me awake at night for like a year now with questions about the fuck they were doing. It’s all the comedy things I’m most interested in these days.

Apologies for the shit image quality, but it really is the best I could do. The original video is in much worse quality than this. I put some time into catching a screenshot at the exact moment when the spotlight shone in the right place, so you could see what was happening a little bit. I then ran it through two different image enhancers to get it as clear as this. So that's as good as it's getting.

For anyone who for some reason can't recognize these comedians in dim light and terrible image quality with faces out of sight and it was twenty years ago - that's Adam Hills holding the mic and rapping at them. John Oliver in red, wielding a pipe like a video game character. David O'Doherty in green, appearing to recoil in fear of John Oliver's power. Kitson with no fear of John Oliver or his weapon or the cow, jumping in there next to Adam Hills. And Demitri Martin in white, looking like a mechanic working on a car for most of this video.

[bastardsallofyou]

By the time I’ve fallen asleep and woke up, Good Omens 2 will be out (inconvenient time zones, what’s up?)!! And I’m so so excited, but also sad to see the Good Omens 1 era close. It’s so weird to me that we’ll have to clarify whether we’re talking about season 1 or 2 when talking about good omens from now on. 

I haven’t had to wait an extortionate amount of time for Good Omens 2-I only watched the first season a year and a half ago, though it seems, simultaneously, like just yesterday, and an eternity ago. I made a new years resolution at the end of 2021 to watch more TV shows, as I’d never been a tv show kind of person but still had some I wanted to watch but had procrastinated on. (Ironic, considering 2020/2021 would’ve been a perfect time to do so.) Good Omens was the driving force for that resolution- I watched a video of the best quotes, and I was hooked. I started watching- I kid you not- on the 1st of January. And that tremendous start to the year was the reason I kept that resolution all the way through 2022. (I watched 7 TV shows, compared to just 1 the year before.)

Good Omens really did change my life. It made me start watching Dr Who from the 10th doctor instead of the 11th- thank god, I’d kick myself now if I missed out on Rose and Donna. It made me fall in love with both David Tennant and Michael Sheen, and fall in love all over again with Neil Gaiman’s work after reading Coraline and the Graveyard Book as a child. It made me start reading Sir Terry’s books- another resolution for this year- as I never had the privilege of doing that when I was younger. I got closer to some of my real-life friends who also like our wonderful show. I made this account and made some amazing mutuals. Though I don’t talk to any of you guys (which I’ve gathered is kind of normal on tumblr in my year here, none of us are super social), you’re all super cool, and I regularly think “wow, this person has great taste” or ”aww they always reblog my posts :)” Good Omens inspired me enough to make me want to post my writing online for the first time, and the support you’ve all given that has been lovely.

And, finally, it reaffirmed my bad habit of looking at a piece of media/an artist, etc, going “ooh that’s cool,” watching a video of it, and forgetting it exists until I find it again and become obsessed. But my obsession has reached a new high with Good Omens- I mayyy have made my desk into a Good Omens shrine this evening in celebration of the release. 

But anyway- thank you. Thank you to the Good Omens fandom. You’re all so talented, and welcoming and lovely. Thank you to Neil and Terry for this amazing story, to Michael, David, Nina, Maggie and the whole cast of people who have made this story come to life in such a magical way. You’ve changed my life for the better, and I look forward to stepping into this next chapter with you all.