#even with his flawed self destructive mindset. he still wants to help

[justsomerandomplanet]

[ jjk 261 spoilers ]

just rambling thoughts about the chapter now that ive Actually read it (thank u tcb and also i wish ppl who post about leaks without tags a very can you Stop and tag thanks)

tldr; i dont hate the chapter, its an interesting one! feel free to discuss with me if u would like

I don't actually hate the chapter conceptually

Ideologically, Uraume has brought up the topic of being human and the fact to be strong/to defeat sukuna you must disregard that obsession of loneliness/humanity. I also think at the end of the day, it speaks a lot about how jujutsu society functions (in that it uses people regardless of respecting them as people, i.e. the star plasma vessels, children as sorcerers facing death constantly, etcetc).

Nevertheless, I do wonder why Yuta had to do it. At the end of the day I still believe Yuji will be the one to defeat Sukuna, you cannot tell me all that build up to him is for Nothing, but what point is there in bringing Yuta in that case? If he just does more damage and then dies (lol), like. What is there to it. Like in the perspective of the characters i get it, they don't know if they'll win or lose and they're gonna have to use every option they have, but simply on a readers perspective, it feels a bit redundant. I just feel there should be a way to incorporate this idea without it feeling like we'll get gojo v sukuna 2.0. Idk i just want yuji to beat sukuna like that first page was so cool :(!!!!

Anyway, the idea of bringing back Gojo similar to how "Toji" was revived in shibuya is also unbelievable bc Gojo himself is shown to still want to protect the kids. His ideology derives from making sure They Are Alive And Changing The System. Yes, I get it he is battle obsessed too (see the shinjuku battle) but it doesn't change he went out of his way to tell them not to look/follow him for what he's about to do with the higher ups. Theory wise, gojo being brought back like this is dull (but plausible i suppose) (also thinking about it would that Really be gojo? We saw that toji still didnt come back normal, and wasnt it stated that the toji that did come back was more of just the memories of the body rather than the person himself? Idk. Anyway)

Additionally, Yuta, altho caring for Gojo, is still falling back to the mentality that made Gojo alone (the "Strongest" vs Gojo Satoru). Yuta himself wanting to sacrifice his humanity so everything Gojo did wouldn't be moot while still using his body, which inherently disrespects him as a person, is a hyprocritical and flawed way of thinking that makes him interesting for me now lmao. He cares for him a lot, but he has to resort to it as a means to an end. Also I don't care if he dies, in fact the idea of him living while still in gojo is just weird tbh so i really dont see a way put of that? Im kinda just interested to see what happens tbh

I'll be real; I can see both points in how ppl think this is a cool chapter vs ppl thinking it sucks. It is surprising how very Neutral I am on this bc I personally feel like the explanations given made sense to me in the chapter.

I don't think this took away from Yuta's character, nor did it take away from what we've seen before; Yuta is not Yuuji. Yuta has shown that he can kill people. He only sparred Uro and Ryu bc of the rule to be able to transfer points. He admits that he "cheated" in the past month. Yuta is very aware of what decisions are wrong but still does them bc its for the best outcome, even if it means losing his own humanity. Yuta wants the best for Gojo but still looks at it in a flawed way. Yuta is unknowingly falling into Sukuna's/Uraume's ideology.

Yuuji is the only one so far in the series that continues to be filled with regret from killing and still wants to do better. He is forced to dissociate his self-identity to cope with his actions. He has said he would eat anything to defeat Sukuna, effectively throwing his humanity, but does not do so at the expense of other ppl (see Yuji's conversation with Higuruma before shinjuku). Yuji looked past Gojo's infinity so he could give encouragement, even tho everyone else was afraid. Yuji is the antithesis to Sukuna's view of the world

Yuta is not Yuji, and I think that's the point.

I don't think one is better than the other, I simply find this contrast to be interesting when u look at it in the grander theme of change and tradition within jujutsu society.

[panglossesanddiadorims]

The ones I help by not having to deal with me

In this list I do not consider in the list those who are automatically excluded against the criteria of basic human knowledge, crave for the truth on facts and human integrity; or those who relentlessly try to indoctrinate, lecture, or impose on others their superstitions, religion, beliefs, life habits and fads on others. Do you want to do it? Good. Be happy. Just leave me alone. Or those whose opinions on scientific or historical events derive from the teachings of biased innuendos by YouTube and TikTok influencers. Never read a real book or question the first idiocy they listen to like Marxism, an economic theory of the XIX century derived from fascism a right-wing political ideology born in the 20s in the XX century; or that Nazism was a left-wing movement because the party had the word Socialist, or that vaccines lead to autism, or that Evolutionism is just a theory, or that Climate Change is a hoax created by the evil media and mad scientists. One needs to be hollow in mind and spirit to embrace it and even feel like further on the matter research does pays off. And I deliberately exclude the conspiracy theory ones with their flat Earth theory and Holocaust deniers.

For all of those above, I follow the advice of Groucho Marx (nothing to do with the other Marx, please) who said that he also considered TV a cultural device; if anyone turned on one close to him, he would go read a book. If those people want to behave and pride on doing it, I just move away. One interesting aspect is that the internet contains plenty of reliable sources and fact-based information, why waste time on verbosities? For me it is simple: these people do not have the ability to think critically or reason things out in logical steps. Some even display evidence of arrested development and others just attended amazing schools and universities, juts never learned anything away from their limited mindsets or, as in Plato’s The Cave, fear trespass the barriers of their own shadowed and biased universe. In my opinion, sometimes being McMurphy, John Proctor, Montag, Winston, and Juror #8 (12 Angry men) may help. A little entropy could help in the mid and long-range.

Since reading good books on the issue is something too much to ask for these people, there are still  amazing and serious documentaries and valuable data in the same Internet, many of which would even show that Marxism is an 19th century economic theory, which has been proven flawed, but written during a period in mankind when labor laws and rights never existed and workers were exploited to exhaustion and lived and worked in inhumane conditions, when human beings worked sometimes 14, 15 hours a day, 7 days a week, including children.  In addition, it is an economic theory, once again a flawed and risible one, which never said anything about murderous dictatorships, collectivism, invasion of private property or censorship.

It was Machiavelli-like manipulated as a means and excuse by sociopaths like Lenin, Stalin, and Mao to seize power, justify barbaric and murderous decisions and impose their own self-destructive remorseless mindsets, but the Theory itself never said anything about genocidal acts. If you do not believe it, just read the books, The Communist Manifesto and The Capital. In fact, Karl Marx (not the Groucho and any of his brothers) always thought that Germany would be natural country where Marxism would prevail. The Bolsheviks succeeded in imposing it in Russia because of the WWI disastrous consequences, the famine and social upheaval it entailed, centuries of despotic and murderous rulers, the Czarism ideals of autocracy based on a strong and fierce leader, the decisions of the weak, reactionary, narrow-minded Czar Nicholas II and mainly because the Provisional Government of Kerensky insisted on fighting in the trenches of WWI, losing the authority amidst the mayhem.

Fascism comes from the Latin word fasces, a weapon used in Ancient Rome to inflict corporal or capital punishment and as symbol of the Roman magistrates to impose authority. It was used by Mussolini and his supporters exactly with the idea of restoring both order and the sense of grandeur of the Roman Empire to Italy in the years post-WWI. Despite the fact it was a far-right movement, Fascism as a thought is applied to both spectrums of the extreme ideologies. It is basically a concept that imposes a point of view and suppresses dissident opinions and arguments by dehumanizing the critic. If anyone says anything different from a fascist’s idea or concept, he will not debate you on the field of ideas, but dehumanize you through an anathema or apply character assassination.

1-     These are the first people on the list. The egotistical selfish know-it-all people. Those who not only dehumanize your opinion by marring you with an anathema conceived by their medieval superstitious minds, but especially those who ask you a question not to learn anything or listen to a different vision, but to confirm their narrow-minded biased mindsets. Many times, they ask you just about anything, even if you have experienced something which they never have or will, to validated their biased and prejudiced opinions about anything, from cultural to historical facts. It is just to feed their pathological narcissism and evade from the fear of the realization of how wrong they may be about something. Which is itself the denial of how we evolved as a society. In addition, it is not they do not want to listen to you, they do not even care to listen. You have not even finished speaking, they interrupt you, mock your opinion and immediately provide their superior assessment and final verdict. These vestals are amazing, because the human mind does not have the ability to process between listening and already produce an answer before the end of a thought development. It is just that they could care less about your opinion, so why should I give a damn about their own existence. They are just pitiful ignoramus ones who I believe are fucking afraid of being open to the different or incapable of holding an intelligent conversation.

 2-     Those who see the world through a negative filter, which is nothing but a pusillanimous and infantile self-defense strategy to not face the music of how fucked-up their lives are. Perhaps it is a means to show superiority and disguise their flawed lives or a habit to meet their own needs and feel better about their failed marriages, careers, and decisions.  By making another person’s comment, concern or situation look less valid or redirecting the situation or conversation they can then cope with their own flaws. Many times, the person is just making an observation, but they feel the need to say NO (to anything, anything at all), veer the flow of the discussion to their own bubble and reality and, therefore, show that other ones’ despondence, sadness or anguish are either not important or irrelevant. Sometimes the person is just sharing something, not looking for any advice. He just wants to vent out. But these troubled-minded, narcissistic, and coward losers feel the need to immediately impose an opinion to minimize the situation and therefore show not deal with their own failures. 

 3-     Those who seek your company only if they can profit from it or take advantage of it, but not of the warmth and affection a good a company provides, but of their parasitic behavior may extract.  Not much to say about these guys, but that they are assholes.

 4-     Those who are above the good and evil, on a pedestal of Those who ask, but never really ask to hear different opinions, but to validate their self-righteous agenda. Because in their questions is already embedded the answer who not only, they believe to be an epiphany, but the godly truth to the universe.  Their questions are just a vessel to spew their biased speech and contempt for the others.

[shuttingupwards]

Mae’s issues. (NITW SPOILERS)

I should preface that I am a huge Mae fan, she is my favorite character. So there may be inherent bias however there are concrete things in the story that don’t have bias that I’d like to point out in the complexion of her own character. To start let’s say that Mae has many issues that kind of go under worked on. It’s obvious that she’s reckless, adventurous, and a little oblivious. However core issues seen in her is her lack of mindfulness, apathy, and general privilege.

Her black and white vision is troubling as she doesn’t think clearly on what is correct or true about other people. She lacks filter, she doesn’t have consequences and this is a huge part of her character. Her lack of consequences is due to her childish like nature and her privilege she has unlike characters like Bea, Angus, and Gregg. She is of course aware of some things, similar to how she is aware about the fact that her friends just deal with her because she is all they can get.

She’s learned not to ask for help, and this is mostly through some form of miscommunication through childhood. We see her parents to be extremely supportive. They talk to her and ask her caring questions, but It could be the possibility that she through her extreme tunnel vision was never clearly taught what to do. This is common in every parent to make, even small mistakes, but specifically with Mae was she grew up surrounded by reckless people and wanted to stay in that childhood. Where she could smash things and have fun, and not deal with the consequences from her parents. This is especially normal throughout people you see growing up.

However one of her largest flaws is her ineptness to ask for help. We see her rot away often despite the support she has, however this recklessness could quite be the same answer to explain this conundrum in her character. When characters grow so used to something, it becomes that coping mechanism. It could be very well that she genuinely believes help just isn’t something she needs. Just because it’s an option doesn’t mean a character is comfortable to take it. Mae likes short, easy things. She doesn’t like the long route, and because people around her have enabled her to have it she doesn’t see the point in reaching out. That even means helping others, which is why she’s so apathetic.

Mae is another thing, incredibly blunt. Not only does her black and white thinking interrupt any form of interaction with other people, she has odd dialect and views everything as something not as serious as it is til it effects her personally. She thinks Bea is “badass” for her moms death, or dealing with the shitty situation she’s in. This is a harmful mindset that she applies to herself. She’s extremely self destructive and stuck in her own head about her own fantasies.

This is most likely a cause of her dissociative disorder she seems to have. Dissociation is a feeling more then just feeling outside your body, it’s like being stuck in it as well. Even when your thousand of miles away you’re still stuck in your own bias. Mae realizes things often, but chooses to stay ignorant to them til it hurts. Like her knowing half the time her friends only stick with her because they are all they can get. They know her for her childish and dangerous attitude and know that it’s something that she needs to move on from.

Mae holds extreme privilege from everyone else in her life. Bea is poor and has to work emotionally and physically constantly for her father and the business, Gregg works a bad job with constant fear that he’ll lose Angus, while Angus is still dealing with his own emotional turmoil of his trauma but also his want for something more then where he is. All of them have that theme, wanting more then what they have but having to cling onto what they have no matter what happens. Which funny enough happens to be each other. They rely on what they are given, and they are given Mae who is to ignorant to be a genuine person around them. Half the time she’s a clueless asshole, but apart of her is charming in that it helps reflect a newer perspective to others. Which is half the reason the three stick around her.

Not only does Mae lack social cues with other people, but mindfulness of her own actions. She’s constantly self destructive and hating herself that little does she realize the pain she causes herself. It’s a painful process of self harm that affects other people in ways she’s not aware.

Now there’s the elephant in the room, which is her dissociative break in high school where she attacks a student almost to death. She doesn’t have consequences for this, rather is shifted into shitty solutions that heightens and again, enforces her mental anguish. She does not have the resources to help herself and doesn’t even know how to obtain them because of lack of understanding of how being a person works. This is definitely an important thing to remember about her is that she’s only broken the shield of ignorance when everything gets the worst that it gets.

Finally, when her consequences catch up to her and she meets the weird cat god and the cultists, does she have her realization. While in a realistic situation, having the realization after all of this isn’t recommended. Having to make sacrifices to realize something about yourself is an extremely destructive thing to do, but it fits Mae’s narrative and that’s why it works. It shows the theme of her own self destruction build up and finally bite her back down. As a story plot, it works that she only comes to the epiphany here. Then, does she apologize and work towards a better self. She feels bad for her actions and the way she’s been affecting Bea and Gregg especially. Bea seems the most affected as she has her always tagging along, and Bea has her own situation that with Mae’s blunt force doesn’t help.

I think what people forget about Mae is that she’s not a comedy joke and nor is she a good person. She’s done awful or just mean things to people because of her own mental issues, but that’s what is so important about her character. Is that she’s such a complicated and working person, that from there one does she realize her need for help and how she could help her friends.

[ectonurites]

but do u rlly think flaws that make a character interesting include like...being insensitive? everyone has their own taste ig but tim's flaws dont rlly make him more interesting to me. hes just some guy plus he can be thoughtless towards others

I mean I guess it's a difference in how we read the character because while I can kinda understand where you're getting 'insensitive' and 'thoughtless towards others' from, that's not how I think about what are essentially the same traits.

Like I think Tim can be overly blunt & has chronic foot-in-mouth disease because he's not always good at reading/navigating situations (talking about this more in terms of inter-personal things, and the intersection of personal things & hero-ing. he's better with it in terms of just the hero business imo) but he typically has good intent that's made pretty clear (when we're reading from his perspective, since we get to ya know hear whats in his head).

Having good intent with your actions and doing good as a hero but conversely being pretty bad at expressing things in more day-to-day situations is absolutely a character flaw/a contrast i find interesting for a teenage superhero.

For me though the main flaws with Tim that are what I think make him interesting are like:

his mindset where he lets the weight of the world fall on his own shoulders, and acts like everything has to be his own responsibility. like even as early as YJ #7 during the camping trip his whole reasoning for why he wouldn't give up being Robin is that he needs to be doing whatever he, as an individual, can to fix the world. Like my dude my guy you are 14. This ties into his strong sense of duty which is a pretty commonly talked about Tim trait/motivation, but seeing it as a flaw is only when it goes too far.

his problems with honesty and communication because like... those are pretty common traits like, in life in general, but obviously they go to new lengths with any character with a secret identity. Tim within the Batfam was in that unique position of 'lived with a parent who for a very long time didn't know about hero stuff' so the level of having a double life not just publicly but in your own home... that fucks a kid up! and so seeing how even after that situation passed and his father was murdered, so much of that secretive tendency stuck around with him... there's so much to explore with that.

his tendency to care about people so much that it destroys him or makes him destructive. obviously caring about people isn't a bad thing LMAO but I'm talking about how he has multiple times pushed himself into darker places than are healthy because of wanting back/wanting to protect/wanting to avenge the people he loves (which also like, i think this being something so prominent with Tim how I see him is why when you said he's 'thoughtless towards others' it took me a minute to even get what u meant asgdfs) some examples being his extreme reaction to being tortured with Cassie & Kon's deaths on Apokolips, nearly killing Johnny Warlock because he hurt Steph, the Conner cloning attempts, nearly taking the Lazarus Pit water for Steph Kon & Jack during Resurrection of Ra's Al Ghul, etc

his GUILT!!!! GOD the self-blame and the guilt. this is kinda related to the 'everything in the world on his shoulders' mentality but I think it exists as it's own sub category too. he takes every loss so incredibly personally in a way that, for someone who's a superhero and will have to encounter losses, is sooooo not good for him but is really fascinating to see. Like, this ties especially into the whole thing where everything has been Tim's choice. I've talked about this before, but Tim is one of the only batfam members to set down the path of becoming a hero without experiencing a major firsthand trauma in their own life/immediate family (the closest is how he witnessed Dick's parents' death but that was still not a death in his own circle of people, if tht makes sense). He made the decision to join in all of this purely because of his sense of duty and his admiration for Dick & Bruce. Which means that Tim as a person will then hold himself responsible for all the bad that happened in his life related to the Robin role down the line, because nothing external pushed him into this life aside from his own want to help Batman.

Okay yeah I probably answered this with FAR MORE THINGS TO SAY than you had in mind, but I just think he's a neat little guy, because also even despite all that darker stuff I just talked about he also manages to be a cute dork with a lot of friends who's fun to read about.

[probably-haven]

after binge reading i have come to a new revelation: I’m not a fan of most Xiaoven fanfics

Don’t get me wrong, I love the ship and its one of my favorite to think about.... but most of the fanfiction for the ship just- doesn’t sit right with me for a number of reasons. 

Disclaimer: these are personal opinions from my own taste and are in no way an attack against any authors out there, because frankly fanfic authors are great and not like i could do better lol. As these are personal opinions, I acknowledge here and now that a number of people disagree and that they are under no obligation to change their opinions in any way as it is not and never will be my intention to tell others what they should be thinking That said- read at your own risk if you want- meh, anyway-

time to share some opinions that have been on my mind lately

The biggest reason.... is how they handle Xiao. And I don’t even mean mischaracterization because Xiao is such a complex and yet simultaneously simple character that as long as you’re somewhere in the range of “Xiao vibes” it’s really hard to write him out of character because of his complexities. What I mean is something that i actually completely agree with as being accurate to his character. In nearly every single fanfic I’ve seen, there is some element of idolization that Xiao has for Venti, or for the sake of reference, Barbatos. He tends to think himself beneath Barbatos and/or indebted to him, whether that be because he’s an archon, because he saved him, or simply because of Xiao’s tendency to dehumanize(yes i see the irony in that word usage) himself.  This by itself isn’t an issue but its often how this trait of his is treated.

Imma just list a few ways I’ve seen this be handled within Xiaoven fics. - It isn’t handled, it’s just there and accepted as a part of who he is in the story - It isn’t handled but his trait is treated as source of humor within the story - Venti(and others) roll with it (finding humor in it, just cant change it, encouraging it, making jokes about it, etc.) - Venti takes advantage of it(whether accidentally or purposely) - it’s actually addressed(by Venti or someone else or the narration- can go a number of ways, but just- even a brief reference to the fact that its not a good mindset fits in here) - savior!Venti(Where venti disagrees with it but the way it’s written gives off “god among mortals” vibes- like he’s just being humble and truly is above him in reality) - its the focus of the story  - not directly addressed but shown to be destructive.  - they chose not to not include this in the story’s characterization of Xiao(just saying that this is valid ahead of time) Theres others but i have a lot already.  Note that I tend to read more ‘serious-toned’(idk if that makes sense) fics so that may skew my perception

Now there’s a few that i have issues with on their own- both instances of it not being handled, Venti(and others) rolling with it, Venti takes advantage of it(purposely(and without good intent)), and savior!Venti. Xiao not only has this trait, but he is unfamiliar with what is normal in relationships or emotions as a result of isolation and inexperience. He is also either not aware of or not concerned with what is considered strictly “healthy.” Combining these makes for a rather dangerous combination and just accepting it as “oh he’s just like that, it’s who he is” or making it out to be something funny- It’s not wrong or bad by any means necessarily, and I could still possibly enjoy it to an extent depending on a series of different factors, but its- not as often.  Even in the case where I do enjoy reading it however, I would still feel uncomfortable sharing it with or recommending it to others because in the first instance it feels like normalizing a destructive and dangerous mindset, and in the second case it does the same while simultaneously making a joke of it. It’s the same deal with Venti or other characters rolling with it, but that’s probably gonna be mentioned later too. Not to say that this is a “wrong” way to handle it, that it makes the fic bad, or that authors even are normalizing anything by doing so, just that in my specific instance- not a fan. 

I’ll get to the others when i talk more about Venti, but for now: It’s the focus of the story. I think I saw like... 2? where the story was like- focused on this and why its a problem which- power to them, address those real world problems like a boss- but also i wouldn’t actively seek it out or anything- like, good job, but doing so just leaves it open neutrally for other factors to decide how good a story i think it is. 

not directly addressed but shown to be destructive. You’d think i wouldn’t like this- but frankly in fanfiction not everyone wants to address every character flaw verbally because it can through off story, narration, dialogue, and general flow to do so. This can be with an event, an action, a dialogue, a mere comment, making it actually fit into the it’s actually addressed category except that its- subtle enough to make its own category. plus i live for show not tell- in everything- its a thing. im- very much a fan of when the fics do this but the subtlety is easy to miss and its not common so- 

It’s actually adressed- doesnt have to be a lot- just mention anywhere or imply anywhere that maybe idolizing someone as a god and savior and being in a relationship with them while having little knowledge of standards, emotions, relationships, or healthy behaviors in general- maybe isnt the smartest idea in the word. (”Call me Venti, not Barbatos” by itself is not enough to fit in this category tho as a note)

-

Now lets talk about Venti...

uh.... those who have followed me for awhile will probably already know this but... I have a lot of opinions on Venti and a pretty- “niche(?)” perception of his characterization that isn’t shared by a lot of others- so I don’t actually read as much Venti fanfic in general as you might expect because I often end up disagreeing with how writers portray him, which again, in no way is their characterization wrong, but- “their perceived truth” conflicts with “my perceived truth” and by extent so does the characterization, though neither is any more correct than the other from an objective point of view, if that makes sense... but anyways now that that’s said, moving on before this becomes a philosophy lecture, as fun as that would be for me.  I’ll try to keep my “perceived truth” out of this for the first bit. 

Venti’s response to this: 

He rolls with it: this depends on the mood of the fanfiction. If they dont put a lot of stress on that trait of Xiao’s it totally fine but if the trait seems to be a major part of Xiao’s character, it seems like normalization once more. (more on this later)

he takes advantage of it purposely: if its an AU or something and Venti’s like a villain(i saw a few) then- villain venti isnt my cup of tea but i have no qualms. If they don’t portray Venti in a negative light while having him take advantage however that’s a bit uncomfortable to read for me because it feels like normalizing taking advantage of that mindset as well as the mindset itself. However, i did see a number of instances of Venti using it as leverage for like- self care- which i definitely have no qualms. Xiao: [insert probably destructive idolizing statement about being indebt] Venti: How bout you pay me back by actually sleeping for once smh or other variations are okay and depending on the vibe are actually a really fun dynamic as long as it doesnt turn into romanticizing or normalizing it, y’know?

Venti accidentally taking advantage of it.... I love angst- and in most of these theres a sense of guilt when he realizes- and i just think thats a lovely way of addressing the dangers of such a mindset for both sides. As long as it doesn’t keep repeating to the point of romanticization its totally cool to read in my eyes(not irl ofc). If Venti never realizes he accidentally took or is taking advantage it feels a bit like normalization, and if he does but just- doesn’t care thats- a rip.

savior!Venti...... i- i hate. the story giving off vibes that Xiao’s mindset is technically correct while Venti oh so humbly tells him to treat him as an equal like the wonderful and charitable person he is.... i just- no. of course thats over dramatizing it- I think the main thing that gives it this vibe is when Venti doesn’t seem either concerned, surprised, uncomfortable, or otherwise have a negative feeling towards Xiao’s mindset. Just- it makes the whole thing weird in my eyes when Venti doesnt really seem to have his own reason to oppose the mindset idk- 

-

fact time!

Venti is the god of freedom. His backstory is freeing Mondstadt from a god’s tyrannical reign. His origin is a windsprite, just another breeze bringing changes for the better. His form is a nameless boy who played an instrument and then died, thus failing at his only dream and only ever accomplishing anything because of the help of others. He slept for a thousand years after the archon war to avoid putting Mond under the rule of yet another tyrannical god. He only even became a god because Andrius chose to let him. He wouldn’t have even had that chance if the nameless bard had survived, he’d remain just another wind while his friend ascended to godhood. Venti sacrifices his own power for his people’s freedom. 

now that I’ve laid out a number of canon facts, time for opinions:

Venti has little to no desire to be seen as a god. He thrives in, comes from, and emphasizes a lack of superiority in quite nearly everything. The first Ragnvindir, who canonically turned his back on Venti after Decarabian’s fall, likely did so because one- he anticipated power would corrupt and Venti would soon become just another tyrannical god, two- he suspected Venti used the nameless bard in an attempt to rise to godhood, or three- idk insert other possibilities to acknowledge again that i could totally be wrong.

Look me in the eyes and tell me Venti wouldnt trade godhood for his friend in an instant. His godhood was only granted to him because his friend died and could easily serve to constantly remind him of what could have been and what he lost. Venti takes no enjoyment from being seen as superior and in my opinion, I feel that it could actually make him largely uncomfortable when his divinity and abilities as an archon get involved-

also self promotion for my favorite posts- check out #archon war era venti if thats interesting to you

so anyway Venti rolling with it or making jokes about it just doesn’t sit right with me.- 

-

Okay! enough talking about that mindset!

idk- i have... a few/lot of other gripes and stuff or just things that kinda throw off the vibe for me but that’s the main one plus my general personal pickiness when it come to Venti fanfics- but this has gotten long enough already- 

idk i just felt like rambling about it and i haven’t done a long post in a while so-

again, I love the ship and its actually one of my favorites- just the fanfic isnt my thing..... that doesn’t mean i don’t still love it and come up with a whole ton of brainrot and ideas on it tho lmao

[zeta-in-de-walls]

Analysis on Tommy’s character’s mental state as a result of the exile arc.

Hey guys, I often makes posts discussing Tommy’s character and one thing that absolutely can’t be ignored is how his character has been traumatised by his experiences during exile. So, I thought I’d discuss in depth and how it’s impacted his behaviour.

In exile Tommy usually described himself as lonely. This is somewhat true but it’s actually a little misleading if you take it at face value. It’s not really loneliness that was his main issue, that was just the easiest one to express. Indeed, people did visit, they just didn’t really help with the issues that were really plaguing him. And there were a few.

-Tommy felt powerless. He was weak and attempting to get stronger himself only lead his hard work to be wasted. Therefore, he was reliant on others for help, and was utterly unable to give them anything back for any help offered. 

He also felt trapped, he had to stay on the island so people could find him and visit him but he was not allowed to choose to send time with others himself. He was completely reliant on others deciding to visit him. (Him building not one but two bridges to make it easier for others to visit was all he could do to increase the odds of someone coming to see him.) It wasn’t just loneliness so much as it being something out of his control. 

-Tommy felt worthless. He felt like L’Manburg had just seen him as a liability and was increasingly feeling like they were better off without him. No one really cared about him. He didn’t feel like he had value anymore as a person. 

He didn’t want someone to visit him, he wanted someone to stay with him - he wanted to feel accepted, validated. That’s why he spent time making a guest tent, so people could spend the night. And was so ecstatic at Mexican Dream agreeing to live with him. 

-Tommy is a very clingy person. He’s extremely sociable and becomes attached really easily. He has a hard time letting go too. In exile he constantly missed Tubbo and obsessed over the fact that he hadn’t visited. Leaving on bad terms hurt him. He couldn’t resolve anything and instead his frustration and bitterness grew and grew. He was put into such an awful and dark mindset! Its during this that he lets himself grow attached to Dream instead, who subtly encourages him to believe Tubbo didn’t care. 

So, Tommy said he was lonely, but he was way more troubled than he let on. 

...

Dream also took advantage of Tommy and performed abusive actions that both confused and traumatised him. 

Dream forced him to drop his items, hitting him if he refused and threatening to kill him if he continued to resist. He then acted nice, protecting him, keeping him company and joking around with him.

He lent Tommy his pickaxe and trident. He helped Tommy get primes. He repeatedly blew up Tommy’s armour. He regularly destroyed any diamond tools Tommy got and talked about ‘letting’ him keep some things, like he was being generous. Dream talked about how L’Manburg was prospering with Tommy there, suggesting everyone had moved on while he was the one responsible for sabotaging Tommy’s relationships.

Dream acted like an authority figure, dressing up all his actions as reasonable and Tommy was at fault for making his actions necessary. He lied about Tubbo not caring about his compass. He promised to invite people to his party and then didn’t, letting Tommy believe they chose not to come. Dream’s actions left Tommy increasingly dependent on him, as he was both physically and emotionally very vulnerable (as Dream had induced) and Dream took advantage of it. Finally, when Tommy did a relatively minor act of rebellion, Dream blew up everything. He killed Mushroom Henry and destroyed anything else Tommy was attached to - his tent, the campsite Wilbur built, the prime log.

Now, one of Tommy’s key character flaws is that he is rather irrational. While he can be perceptive, he often gets driven by his emotions rather than logic. (Its part of why he gets attached to things so easily). Usually he doesn’t actually let his feelings control him, but the exile put him under huge emotional turmoil.

-Logically, he always knew that Dream was responsible. He never forgot anything, he was just struggling to process it.

Dream was acting like he cared and Tommy clung on to that. Even once with Techno he described his confusion at his exile and noted that he recalled all the events perfectly but was confused emotionally and basically wasn’t able to deal with his feelings on Dream at all. He knew he ought to hate Dream but wanted to trust him still. 

Thinking more on emotions is also why he took Tubbo exiling him so personally - just before Doomsday he apologised and said he understood why Tubbo did it (I think he said it was the right decision even) but at the time he was hurt and felt like Tubbo didn’t care about him. Tommy often acts in the heat of the moment but fixes things afterwards. The issue with his fight with Tubbo was that they were unable to see each other and therefore resolve things, causing it instead to fester and get worse. 

So, that’s basically what happened to him throughout exile, but how did this affect his actions? A few different ways.

-He became extremely depressed and almost ended his life. Though he ultimately chose against this, his sense of self-preservation is notably lower. He didn’t seem to be afraid at the possibility of dying during Doomsday. And he was also prepared to confront Dream again over his discs - he had nothing left to lose as far as he was concerned. Once Tommy realised that Dream didn’t want to kill him, he took full advantage of it. He walked up to Dream completely unarmoured while Dream was in full netherite and confidently ordered him around. He was not afraid of dying. And again, he threatened to kill himself if Dream didn’t return after already killing Dream twice. Tommy’s only slowly gaining back his zeal for living. 

-He became angry and lashed out. Jack visited him at one point and Tommy spleefed him into lava, killing him absolutely ruthlessly. This is not a nice anger, its a cold destructive one, a result of all his bitterness from his unjust suffering. A minute later, he can only ask, why did he do that? Sometimes, Tommy might seem meeker, but it’s just hiding pain and rage that comes out in the worst of ways.

When no one turns up to his party, Tommy destroys part of the bridge he built for people to visit as he’s angry and has no real way to lash out - it’s not logical but as Tommy expresses: if they really want to visit then they’ll have to make an effort. A few days later he builds another, not because he’s better but because he’s so desperate for company he doesn’t even care if they don’t really care as long as they show up. 

His actions while with Techno have him torturing Fundy and Connor, interrogating Ranboo and helping Techno release a wither on L’Manberg. This is not the normal Tommy. This is him releasing his bitterness and rage in a destructive way, with his twisted mindset being vaguely approved of by Technoblade (though even he thought Tommy was going too far!) 

-He grew unhealthily attached to anything that gave him any stability in his warped, messed up world. That’s why he started fixating on his music discs so hard. And why he clung to Dream so hard for a while. And why he clung so much to Technoblade, quickly growing dependent on him, desperate for any sort of care and validation.

It’s why he even agreed to help Techno destroy L’Manburg at all. He was in such a warped mindset and wanted to trust Techno even if part of him was appalled by the idea, but his anger at L’Manberg was also clouding his judgement, and he wanted to agree with Techno because Techno cared about him. It’s not Techno or Tommy’s fault but their relationship was messed up thanks to Tommy’s trauma. Tommy was so dependent on Techno and was not able to function properly alone and he was very driven by his emotions, which were in a mess. He could barely sort out his feelings on Dream, let alone L’Manburg or Tubbo. He even let himself believe that all they were doing was minor terrorism, when Techno hadn’t hid his intentions that much at all. 

-Tommy blames himself for all that occurred. When the anger faded, and he was a little less powerless, Tommy began to get back his own sense of agency, which he’d been lacking for so long. With more clarity, he realised that of course he wanted to forgive Tubbo and make amends. His experiences lead to Tommy feeling like it was up to him to apologise - and he did. 

In some respects, there’s some excellent development here - it’s amazing to see him put feelings to one side and realise that his anger and bitterness were hurting him. And he held himself responsible - that his actions, traumatised or not, didn’t justify hurting others. He had been becoming the person he didn’t want to be - and rejected it. 

But there’s some worrying signs too - his experiences left him in some ways too apologetic. His sense of self-worth is still low. He didn’t blow up the community house but at one point said he wouldn’t bother defending himself anymore as there was no point, nothing to be gained from arguing about it. He apologised to Sapnap for releasing Mars - wonderful but it was never really necessary. When interacting with the egg, he said he didn’t want to cause yet another war, having internalised the idea that he’s responsible for most conflicts. At one point he even said he blames himself for Doomsday. It’s not healthy to have such a low sense of self-worth. He no longer blames others for not caring about him - but he does blame himself. 

....

Well this has been a long post. I hope that better expresses how Tommy’s been affected from his exile. I feel like I’ve seen posts complaining about apologists using trauma to excuse his actions. Not at all! Merely to explain. You cannot discuss Tommy’s current character without discussing his trauma. Likewise, it has been treated seriously by the narrative and Tommy continues to have it affect his character. It’s ongoing. He is improving but it has had a long-lasting impact. Indeed his mental state still feels fragile enough that us fans have been very sensitive to anything that might impact him. Tommy should be handled with care, and few of the characters on the server realise this. 

[yellowbluemoonshine]

Can you talk about Akito and Shigaraki parallels, please? And about Tohru and Izuku ones?

Tohru-Deku & Akito-Shigaraki Parallels;

Okay so lets look at the parallels between Tohru & Deku and Akito & Shigaraki under the cut.

Tohru & Deku;

They are MC of their series. Though, Tohru is more like Uraraka, there are still some similarities. Tohru is too positive, Deku is too negative. They both raised with love. They are both extremely kind kids who wants to save everyone from their pain. They are both crybabies. They both housewife / househusband kind of character. They are both too expressive of their feelings. They both stubbornly bump in other people's business.

They are both self destructive. Deku breaks his arms to help someone, Tohru doesnt go that far but she still ran to knife to help someone. Deku’s self destruction is shown as flaw, Tohru’s shown as hardworking.

Tohru almost always succes which is very unrealistic while there are times Deku fails a lot. Tohru is always protected from dark plot while Deku always face against it.

Both Deku and Tohru have their own issues, Deku with bullying, Tohru with fear of abandonment. Deku is victim of system, Tohru has no relation to clan system.

They both try to save everyone and they think if they defeat their foils, they will acheive that goal, even though its opposite. They both decide to save their foils when they realize there is crying child inside of them.

Its like, there is invisible line between Tohru and Akito, even though they are foils, story didnt adress that they could be each other’s sitution, Tohru always stayed as pure and story didnt let Akito to grow while in bnha, we clearly see that Deku can be villain, Shigaraki can be hero in different situtions.

Akito & Shigaraki;

They are both 20 years old adult who is mentally child. They are both main villain of the story, actual villains of story are hiding behind them. They are related to theme of story the most and parallel with almost every character’s pain. (Though, i write some parallels between them in here but anyway, lets continue with more details.)

They are both used to kind, cheerfull kid who was crying but noone helped them. They are supported after abuse but during abuse, noone helped them. Shimura family ignored Koutaro’s abuse, Akito always had to deal with Ren’s abuse alone because they are the head of family.

They both have mentalbreakdown and became broken.

They are both chosen kids. Akito is groomed to be god by clan people, Shigaraki is groomed to be murderer by AFO.

They also have supernatural power. Akito’s whole god existence depens on her connections with zodiac and her power is literally being able to control them/forcing them to obey. Shigaraki's power is destruction. Its like; its impossible to not be abuser or killer in their position because thats literally whats their power about and what people expect them to be.

They are both dehumanized. Akito is called as god and gods action have no consequences, she is allowed to do whatever she wants with zodiac. Shigaraki is called as monster and its only natural that monster doing inhumane things because they are not human anyway.

They are both used as tools/objects by adults. AFO used Shigaraki to destroy current system while clan used Akito to make system work. Even though, they are the biggest victim of system, they are still seen as monsters.

Since they spend most of their times inside and didnt interact with people, they dont really understand other people.

They are raised with the mindset of ‘i can do whatever i want’, they treat people as their toys, like a child who is playing with toys because their mentality isnt developed like others.

Because of this mindset, they are egoistic, arrogant and have extreme confidence in theirselves. They both almost always in depressive, angry mood cause they feel empty. They both feel stockholm sendrom woars the people whom made them feel trapped.

They also self neglect a lot that people around them have to take care of them. Older zodiacs and servants are taking care of Akito, Kurogiri (and later Mr Compress and others etc) is taking care of Shigaraki. There is also always someone who watches them, try to control them etc.

They both deal with self hatred and they view theirselves as vilain/monster cause thats how they are treated, thats how people expected them to be. They both deal with severe of mental illness such as identify disorders etc.

Akito is literally like female Shigaraki. Akito is the queen, Shigaraki is the king. They are both cat characters who loves animals.

Only difference is story let Shigaraki to grow, he met with league (Toga and Dabi), people who wont listen everything he said, people who will go against him, people who wont be his toys. At first, he couldnt accept it but since he had to, he does. Later, we see him developing healthy relationship with league.

Akito’s relationship with zodiac is meant to be unequal, she never meet another person (except Tohru) besides zodiac, this is why she couldnt develop personality until she face consequences of her actions. What happens with Shigaraki at start of bnha happens to Akito at the end of furuba but they are very similar actually.

They have very tragic lifes and despite looking like monsters, they are actually good kids in deep.

[life-rewritten]

1000 Stars Ep 1-6; Tian and the Consequences of past mistakes.

This has been long coming. I’ve just been very weirdly conflicted with writing about this show because I tend to find speaking about it for hours more appropriate. But because I didn’t have time to create a video focused on this topic, I decided to write it out the way I know how. First of all this has been just an insane experience, this show is... well how  can I describe it?  It’s incredible, and not like the oh this is really good incredible, I mean like it’s mind blowing how outstanding this show is, the fact that this show is the first Thai bl show of 2021 that was original is blowing my freaking mind, it’s put a standard to everything else, it’s standard is excellence, there is no mistake, no errors, no issues with this show unless you’re someone who loves to find something wrong about something. This  show is so inspirational, representative, deep, and important in this genre. First of all it’s a unique type of storyline, it has meta everywhere, it’s incredibly filled with dimensional characters that are so human and real and make mistakes but learn and grow, and it has an incredible realistic love story brewing. Like what else can you say about this show? The cinematography? Excellent. The directing. Even more great. The acting; So incredible. Everyone who has joined to make this show mean something, mean something to me. Because this show is now my hiding place, an escape from the realities of the world, and the grim aspects of life, a show that makes me learn about the value of life, the importance of love, and just the inspiration of finding meaning to who you are and why you should be here. This show is so incredibly written and planned with so much effort, direction and energy. If GMMTV can keep on with this energy with all their other BLS this year is going to the biggest, greatest breakthrough for this genre. This show makes my Fridays. And I wanted to first start with that because it’s hard to write thoughts about this show, because there’s so much to flesh out and explain, every scene, every dialogue, every thing means something to the overall story brewing, to the subtext hidden, to the themes and messages the show is trying to teach. Everything can be explained. And I think that’s so incredible.

 So what do we have in this essay then, we have a focus on Tian, and his actions from Ep 1-6, it’s incredible how our little sunshine is finally going through self discovery and finding who he’s meant to be, also it’s just amazing to see him find his soulmate through all of this; who just means so much to him and influences all of his greatest things in life. However this show toes between the line of a really sweet love story, with some humour, some laughter, some cheesiness and flirts but also a darker, sadder and realistic portrayal of some issues in the world, and also some parts of the human psyche that represents or relates to us in some way. Whether this show is about how easily depression can make us fall into this well of self hate, and self destruction, or make us forget the value of the people around us and the value of even our selves, or this show is a message and warning to consequences of recklessness, corruption and selfishness, this show has so much to say and show whilst still presenting it in a format that’s a BL; that’s still hopeful and beautiful and sweet. And how Backaof has gone and done this is incredible to me. This essay is going to be breaking down each of the hints and clues that point to the serious aspects of the show, what are we to expect? Why is this a repeated theme in the show, what does it mean for our characters, what does it mean for us? So Let’s break down the foreshadowings and clues to  the plot twists in the show that’s upcoming and how Backaof has laid a very meta plan for each of these clues to take place.

 Tian and The Consequences of The Past

Mostly episode 5 really is the episode where these clues are hidden in subtext. So much is troubling immediately we begin the episode. We start of with a realisation that we’re being bamboozled, the show is hiding information from us, it’s twisting our perspectives on certain storylines and there’s still truths that we need to unveil to piece together. The most important connection of this story is the demise and removal of Torfun. In fact her accident is the catalyst that causes this story to begin, she’s a guide to Tian to lead him to this new renewal of life, and purpose but also she’s the family and friend to many people who have been touched by her presence, she’s also the person connected to our love interest. In so many ways her demise means a lot to the plot of the story. And it’s shocking to think that there could be more to it. It’s not just this plot that is a convenience to the story, it means more, it’s connected to every single thread of the plot, connected to the love story brewing, because it’s her heart that’s being confused at first with Tian’s feelings, it’s her presence that’s being emphasised on with Tian’s guilt of replacing her, it’s her words that’s being valued by Tian to want to be better and do more for himself, but it’s her mystery that keeps us all on edge including Tian who is slowly unveiling memories that he doesn’t want to accept. It seems like deep down Tian knows something is of about Torfun’s accident, it’s like he can’t rest, he can’t help shake when he questions his flashbacks, his memories, there’s this desperate need for him to attempt to make it up to her, to ensure she’s happy and rested with her wishes coming through, it’s such a desperate need it drives him to self sacrificial methods, he completely leaves his own needs and care for her goal to be realised. 

And it is sweet but Tian is also someone who is incredibly hurt, and destructive, he’s been so pushed into this mindset of thinking he’s not worth it, his life is not worth it, his presence is not worth it. For so long he has been shackled by the idea of deth (wrong spelling on purpose) following him all around, one day he was meant to leave the world, unexpectedly, no hopes, no dreams, no freedom from this and so he became numb to this premise of life, of value, of self care. Tian is incredibly reckless and self destructive because he lost the meaning of why he should be self protective and self loving. And it breaks my heart everytime we have to relive or even remember his state of mind in the past episodes from 1-4. Now this begins to change once he settles and realises he has meaning, and he’s needed and he’s worthy. It starts to change when he realises he wants to be protected by the man he loves, it starts to change when he’s found something to protect, his new family, friends and lover. It starts to change when he also wants to make a difference and be of importance. So Tian is finally going through this self discovery of Purpose, Love and Happiness, which are all connected to this meaning of life, that he wanted to uncover when he read Torfun’s diary at first. But as much as he is on this path, he still has remnants of his mistakes and his past mindsets that prevent him from moving forward, it eats him up with guilt, it paralyses him with fear that one day he could lose it all, but also it makes him run into the claws of danger and deth time and time again. So Episode 5 really is a map of all the dangers that Tian has to get through, connected to his own faults, flaws and development needed to be unpacked to get to his destiny/fate with Pupha. These worries and foreshadowings show a grueling yet important journey to overcome, he needs to overcome his self doubt, his self hate, his numbness to life and his guilt and shame of the past. So Let’s analyse and break down these clues.

Consequences of Recklessness

Episode 5 starts with immediately a shift, it’s a plot twist to see that Tian didn’t faint. It’s odd for me to be watching this scene in the beginning and screaming Faint please faint, why isn’t he fainting. Immediately he stands up assures Tul he’ll be okay and then proceeds to discuss about his car as his baby and pride, you know it’s a problem. The emphasis of Tul feeling uneasy brings up this worry that Tian is about to attract trouble through his lack of care for himself, and his lack of value for others and things connected to him. This is the moment we’re hit with the wave of realisation that Tian may have to deal with the consequences of his recklessness, and that means that this event is connected to the source of everything the one thing we still have questions about; Torfun and her accident. And it’s a terrifying lesson don’t get me wrong, but it’s like Tian to be reckless, he’s reckless about everything, his life, his heart, his self, he’s just constantly putting himself at risk. 

Immediately he opens his mouth and pushes for an illegal car race, we know there’s going to be consequences, this is connected to how powerful he is, (they can close the road and cover up the truth), this is connected to how corrupted his background is as we’ve seen in episode 1, how little they value others for themselves, it’s connected to the ease and way he can be privileged and thrive of chaos and get unscathed whilst people like Torfun end up victims used and forgotten. Now I’m not saying Tian is the actual person who took Torfun’s life, although he does end up in possession of her heart, he doesn’t drive and I do believe he wasn’t the one in the car, maybe in the passenger seat next to the driver, or maybe hitting another car from behind that ran into her, or Tul managing to get him out of that situation before he could be the one who caused it. But it’s still his words, his actions that lead to this accident, and that’s a terrifying fact both he and the audience has to deal with.  And this is connected of the value of life and people and how this can be lost with recklessness, and corruption  and selfishness. 

Consequences of Evasion of the Truth

Tian literally had to evade and run away from this world to go to the village to find the real meaning but it doesn’t erase his past, he has to deal with that, and I do think he will think he’s the one who is the person at fault mostly because he’s starting to get flashbacks of that event, he knows he’s hiding a secret and It’s more than just the fact that Torfun gave him his heart, it’s because deep down he’s scared he was involved in that in a different way. And this leads to Pupha and his secrets, the way he was actively trying to conceal the truth in episode 5, because of his fear of losing it all, and hurting the person he loves. The fact he’s hiding secrets means that those secrets will come to light and we do see an example of this a bit less painful when Longtae stumbles on Torfun’s diary, this is still going to be happening because Pupha still needs to know the truth and the way Tian has covered up the secrets and truth for so long means there’s consequences to hiding the truth. 

This is also another theme of the show, connected to the fact that Torfun’s accident is being covered up as just that, connected to the fact that maybe Tian’s father and mother tried so hard to evade the truth and move on and pretend nothing happened, by selling the car and forcing Tian to not think about looking for her. That’s why it’s worrying because the parents are obstacles and in my opinion are also one of the hints episode 5 leaves for us the audience to notice. Already it’s uncommon to hear that Tian’s mum isn’t as worried about him in the village, when her love for him in episode 1 is suffocating and protective, she won’t be okay with his choice to be reckless, to push his heart, to come to a place with distance, and so it’s a red flag.

Consequences of Corruption and Power

It’s a warning, his parents are connected to a plot twist, they’re going to be an obstacle because they represent right now Corruption and Power. And the consequences of corruption and power removing the value of life is also shown in episode 6 when we see our villain Sakda. In fact it’s because Tian tries to evade Corruption that we see the value of all the villagers earnings, work, life, burn so cruelly at the end. Sakda’s cruelty has no bounds, he doesn’t take the people seriously; he sees them as liabilities, obstacles, unimportant, he doesn’t value them just like Torfun was also unvalued by her aunt because of money/recklessness and also probably by Tian’s family because of corruption and power. It’s all about the darkness of privilege; the very lesson Tian is learning about and also growing away from. Episode 1 shows the stain of corruption in Tian’s life, how it suffocates him and makes him feel unsafe and unhappy in his own home, how it shrouds him in the dark compared to Torfun who found light in Pu Phan Dao. And that wine stain on his chest that carves the same length and shape as his scar is a reminder that he’s been stained and affected by that Corruption. And that’s why he tries to escape and start anew. But there are consequences and lessons of forgiveness he needs to learn, a way to relearn about his own meaning and value but also a way forgive himself and Torfun to find peace with the truth unfolded. Okay so a bit dark but this is a theme, the way corruption and the rich and power don’t care about the value of life, even in Pu Phan dao, Phupha is tagged with protecting the home, the trees, the forest because they have value, but the rich come and poach and cut down the source for the people, they misuse and scam the people because they don’t know or treat what they do as valuable. That’s why Tian as he learns about value finds a way to help the villagers regain the value of their tea leaves and more, he adds innovation and a creativity to everything to make the villagers be strong enough to know their worth and yet the rich and the corrupt manage to burn it all down in episode 6. The theme is recurring; the question is how do we come out of it with forgiveness, peace and understanding.

 Consequences of Carelessness

I can talk about this theme and the value of life linked to this show for ever. But there’s more shown in episode 6 that hints at the worrying obstacles we still have to face. There’s Social media mentioned, Tian repeatedly warns Tul to not take a photo of him, he lies to Nam about his facebook and he finds Torfun through facebook in episode 1. He’s so desperate to hide his past and his truth that maybe that’s how some of the truth will be unveiled. Social media can be easily tracked if a person has it out for him, but also Tul takes a picture with him that holds such a warning to it, it just seems important to notice as well. Because it could be Sakda who unveils it but he’s also connected to so much more. 

His power also puts Phupha at risk, because Phupha is the one tasked with preventing these type of influences hurting the village. Phupha’s job requires his life to be at risk for the value of others, the people he deems family, and the place he deems home so his job is going to also lead to him being at odds with Sakda and his minions. Especially since we have seen how violent they can get, and in episode 1 we are shown a bunch of people who are currently a danger to the forest with one escaping and boss connected to them. That’s Sakda. So if Phupha has to stop Sakda his life may be in danger as he risks it for the village but also mostly Tian who is the target of them now. 

Again that’s the consequences of Tian’s recklessness because even though it was good for him to defend the village and do what’s right, he was warned repeatedly what it could bring. And it brings Phupha’s life in danger. Especially the foreshadowing with him running in episode 6 to bring out a symbol of Phupha’s presence in his life. His actions have unfortunately led to the endangerment of the one person he wants to protect more than himself. The one person who truly shows him the value of life. That’s why episode 5 jokinly repeats also warningly that Tian is a trouble magnet, it’s a joke because it seems him being reckless and attracted to trouble is not important because with his status and privilege he can come out unscathed, however it can lead to catalysts of drama and more pain in the future. Hence again the consequence of recklessness. Tian acts before he thinks, it’s a good and bad quality, first it leads to him being brave, being determined, being creative with how he tackles solutions, it comes to him immediately at the same time packed with his self destructive mindset, at times it leads to him causing trouble and harm. This is why I say another theme to his self acceptance journey is forgiveness this is not just him learning about the best things in life, it’s also about him embracing the mistakes of his past. Because it’s only if he learns, will he become his best self, the one that loves everything about himself, and the one that can move forward and heal past scars. Also because I’m sure people are like what about Torfun our victim essentially, I think Torfun is definitely making Tian also feel this uneasiness and determination to unfold the truth for peace, she gives him permission in the episode 1 for him to take over her heart, to take care of Pupha but probably also to take care of the village. I think she’s at peace but you know we’ll see if the show mentions her again in a different manner.

Consequences of Insecurity

But this brings us to the next obstacle mentioned in Episode 5: Torfun vs Tian. Head vs Heart. Especially also connected to Phupha. From episode 3-6, Pupha and Tian have given their hearts to each other, in subtext it’s really obvious they both know how they feel however it’s always distracted by insecurities, logic, and questions in their minds. There’s a lot in their heads they have to deal with that makes it hard for them to confess. Although Tian is basically still willing to fight over those thoughts and choose him and show him he’s open. This is why I don’t think Tian fully thinks it’s him behind Torfun’s incident, mostly because if he truly thought he was behind the car he won’t let Phupha near him. He won’t forgive himself to even let love in. So I think he has inklings something is not right but he pushes down and isn’t fully aware of what happened that night. But apart from those worries, there’s more things he and Pupha deal with that is hinted in episode 5 and we see is preventing both of them  just coming out and saying what they feel.

The things in Pupha’s head vs heart

The first worry which he kind of removes in episode 6 is distance. Phupha says it in episode 5, he doesn’t want to be the reason for why Tian stays in the village and not return back for his degree in college. He doesn’t want to hold Tian back though he’s worried that him returning means he won’t come back to the village. Infact Tian returning home has been Pupha’s biggest fear since he first met him, it’s why he teased him harshly each time he saw him pre ep 3, because he didn’t want him to leave so he always angered him and tested to see how determined he wanted to stay. Because of this looming distance/long distance relationship that could occur in the future, Pupha shies away with his other insecurities and prevents himself from confessing rather keeping their relationship in this unknown stage than facing the reality of what they are. He doesn’t want to get in the way of Tian’s potential, it’s obvious Tian is finding Purpose in the village as a teacher and helper but for Pupha where people of the village dream of going to the city to get their dreams, and live a better comfortable life it’s better for Tian who’s frail, and smart to go back and unveil his potential by staying in college for however long he has to.

 But also Pupha notices Tian is secretive. This is why although it seems Tian is open to him and obviously flirting and hinting at a way to elevate their status, Pupha shies away because he has insecurities, one he still doesn’t trust how Tian sees him, there’s this idea of him being different to Tian because of age, personality, and maybe even sexuality, and he worries about all of that, what if Tian is more matched with others his age, and finds more happiness and comfort with people who speak like him and act like him, what if Tian hates strict and moody people, what if Tian isn’t queer? These are the insecurities he battles with in his head even though his heart thinks Tian may reciprocate.

The things in Tian’s head vs heart

And we know the big one for Tian is Torfun. She’s Pupha’s prized, valuable connection, someone who really meant the world to him, someone he and the village is struggling to let go of. Tian feels like an impostor holding her heart, it fills him with guilt, shame, worry about him not being worthy enough to replace her, but also to help them deal with her demise. And For Pupha especially who doesn’t have a lot of family members; who cherishes every single thing as like the most important valuable thing, he doesn’t want him to be hurt with that realisation. He doesn’t want him to compare Tian with Torfun, he doesn’t want to always see the hurt in his eyes when he looks at Tian and misses her.  

It’s also the fact he’s been lying for so long, and so that worries him even more as days go by, because he lied (as his subconscious of Pupha told him in the dream In episode 4) it makes it worse, he should have just told them immediately to take away the betrayal and the hurt. So this is all also in his head. Before he accepted his sexuality he also questioned if it was her who loved Pupha not him. Because sometimes people say things to him that makes him feel again like she’s there controlling him, or changing him to become like her etc. It’s hard for him to not think there might be a chance he likes Pupha because it’s her not him. However the most important one is the guilt of holding her heart, of basically stealing her life, he basically took the guy she loves, the job she loves, the place she loves and replaced her. So he’s not really particularly comfortable with that truth; in fact this is the reason why he’s desperate to make her wish her come through to give her some sort of validation and make her still have meaning. To also ask for her forgiveness for being the one who took her heart. That’s why I think if he’s any way close to her demise as in the accident the guilt and determination to run to the cliff and just beg her for forgiveness is even more desperate and intense. That’s what I’m dreading. Because the journey to the cliff isn’t an easy one, and if Tian desperate and reckless runs away to go make it happen what happens to his already overworked heart?

Consequences of Deth

And that’s the last thing we really have to overcome in the show, the closeness and link to deth both our characters have, like it’s insane, Phupha’s life is constantly in danger, and episode 5 reminds us of the violence of people like Sakda he has to face. Meanwhile Tian is just close to it because of a chance of his rejection, luckily episode 6 reintroduces his medicine and now Nam knows the truth, his heart may finally be taken care of well, but there’s still a chance that he’s pushed it too far, there’s still a connection to his numbness of life, and his self destructive way he sees himself when he’s filled with guilt and pain. So there’s still this tangle with this, which is worrying as we saw in episode 5, his heart is pushed so many times over the limit and in episode 6 even more when he runs into the fire forgoing his own safety yet again. So that is important to note. However I think this is just probably going to be more of a warning for Pupha though Tian’s life is also endangered by Sakda since he’s a target so it’s both, they’re both again in danger of sacrificing themselves to help the other. This doesn’t mean a sad ending I don’t even worry about that, but it’s an obstacle, it’s a consequence of the themes of the show, and another lesson for Tian to learn and grow from.

The themes of Identity, Self love, Purpose and Renewal of the meaning of life all are lessons that Mr Tian needs to learn as he discovers himself through the show. However Tian’s past doesn’t just disappear as we see mechanisms and mindsets constructed from his past environment, situations and hurts can show up as consequences, but this doesn’t mean it’s the end of the world for our couple, in fact it’s opposite, it’s a healing message of embracing your past and healing your scars, and becoming a better person knowing you’re still worth everything good despite your mistakes if you’re willing to grow and change. Knowing actions have consequences but you have a chance to learn from them and grow. It’s a self acceptance and self-forgiving journey, to embracing your fate and finding the meaning of life again. So yes in this show there’s a reason for why the characters act the way they do, there’s a reason why Tian constantly puts himself in harms way, a reason for why Pupha is the opposite and is strict and filled with order to prevent recklessness, to protect the value of people, life and more. Both Tian and Pupha come into each other’s lives to offer perspective, to help each other grow, with making Pupha embrace vulnerability and weakness of himself, and to make Tian embrace meaning of life and purpose and love; all the things he thought he had lost. So yeh Episode 5 was a rollercoaster, I kept on smiling but then worrying each time below the surface another clue popped up showing we still have a lot of obstacles to deal with. But if we don’t have these obstacles then these real life messages and call outs won’t matter, we need to see the price of privilege, we need to see the consequence of recklessness, the selfishness of corruption and how it can bring  harm to others, we need to know why it’s important to value your self, and know your truth, and fall in love, So we’ll be fine, this show is incredible already and it deals with everything well. No matter what theories we have Backaof has a full map for how everything ties together in his head, how Tian deals with his guilt, how he confronts his parents, how he chooses Pupha overall, we’ll see it all unfold. It’d be a journey, sometimes painful but we’ll come out smiling. Anyway here’s the analysis of the consequences and dangers in the show. Let’s discuss? What are your theories? How do you feel about the show? Let me know. Ciao.

[kazo0-boy]

WARNING: Talk of mental illness, trauma, suicide, PTSD, solitary confinement, torture, generally dark topics, talking about c!dream in a somewhat sympathetic light

honestly idk what this is. it had a point somewhere but it just devolved into my thoughts on c!Dream. i also wrote half of it while dissociating oops

gonna put a disclaimer first: I am in no way trying to excuse any of c!Dream’s actions. he’s done tons or horrible things. this is just an analysis post from the perspective of him being mentally ill and flawed and the effect the prison would have on him, and what i think should have been done instead. Also, this is a fictional character.

This is something i’ve been wanting to put into words for awhile but haven’t really gotten to until now, but honestly as someone who has struggled with mental illness for most of their life and been in toxic mindsets I can’t help but sympathize with c!Dream in that it’s very clear to me that he isn’t just evil for the sake of being evil, but he is also a character that has gone with untreated mental illness and no proper support system that has resulted in him spiraling into the toxic mindset and abusive behaviors that we see him with now.

Nobody just goes into a spiral of cutting everyone and everything important to them off in order for them to have no chance to hurt or be used against him out of nowhere, developing unhealthy obsessions with power and control, attributing having attachments to displaying weakness, ect.. He’d have to have been struggling for a while to get to that point. There’s no way in heck that happened without a lot of internal struggle. Tbh i think what we saw with him snapping at Tommy for using Spirit’s leather against him was only the tip of the iceberg. We didn’t see any of his internal thoughts or descent but we did see the breaking point that led to his downfall. And he just kept getting worse from there. 

do i think his actions are justified? no. he’s done a lot of unforgivable things that cannot be excused with any explanation and that’s not what i’m trying to do. can i see what state of mind would lead him into the place he’s at now? yes. just like every other character on the server, he is someone with complex actions and motivations that go beyond just being evil for the sake of being evil.

do i think he should be in the prison? no. now before you write me off let me explain why. NOBODY should be in the prison because it is inhumane and designed to break the prisoner’s spirit rather than contain and rehabilitate them for the safety of the server. It’s more of a torture chamber than a prison honestly. And being in it is clearly not helping c!Dream at all and traumatizing him more than anything. He’s mentioned that he doesn’t get full meals (during Bad’s visit, he asked if he gets 3 full meals a day and Dream brushes off the question) and what he does get is barely anything. Essentially starvation. The original prison plans were for the prisoner to also be able to leave the cell and go into a courtyard and such for ‘enrichment’ but neither Sam nor Dream has mentioned that. So as far as we know he’s been stuck in his cell the entire time with almost nothing to do. So essentially solitary confinement with a touch of starvation and isolation (people rarely visiting him, visitation being taken away as a punishment, ect) plus more for an extended period of time is a recipe for disaster (this is the only time i’m gonna mention specifics but i can see this resulting in specifically C-PTSD among who knows what else, as unlike simple PTSD it is caused by multiple traumatic events for an extended period of time. things like childhood abuse or being held captive for an extended period of time, and there have been cases where solitary confinement has caused it so he could easily end up suffering from it). I’ve seen people make the point that ‘oh well he was gonna put Tommy in there so he deserves it.’ that’s not the point. the point is that NOBODY should be in the prison. It should have never been built in the first place. any character that would go in would come out with serious trauma therefore it’s inhumane.  Plus, how is Dream going to ever become a better person in that kind of environment? Isn’t that what a prison should be aiming to do? 

Even if he hasn’t entirely broken yet, as he still shows hope of getting out or fighting back it’s inevitable that he is going to. We’re already seeing the beginnings of it in the form of self-destructive behavior like burning his clock and killing himself in lava (basically suicide). As time goes on its only going to get worse and worse. and even in the off-chance that he’s doing those as some kind of attempt at manipulation, the fact that he’s willing to go as far as to do serious harm to himself is seriously seriously concerning

So what do i think should have been done instead? first off, get this man some therapy. get EVERYONE some therapy. he’s no less deserving of getting help than anyone else. Second, put him in an actual prison that isnt a literal torture chamber, that will give him consequences for his actions properly without dehumanizing him and taking away any chance at recovery?

so uh, yeah. theres my 2am dissociative trigger-enduced rant on c!Dream over. i cant believe i wrote an entire essay on a minecraft roleplay

[lonestarpost]

April 26, 2021~ Masterlist ~ Issue 12

Episode Review

by @lonestarbabe​

9-1-1: Lone Star’s ninth episode of season two breaks the hiatus with one of the season’s strongest episodes; in this episode,  the showrunners prioritize quality storytelling (many thanks to writer Tonya Kong), and while the episode focuses heavily on past events, it creates an atmosphere that allows extensive character development moving forward. The episode shows viewers Grace and Judd’s story, and it does so in a way that highlights their bright future and how they have built a healthy, happy future together by first creating a solid foundation for themselves. “Saving Grace” stands out because of its attention to detail and the complex dynamics it beautifully fleshes out. The episode is rooted in humanity; the characters are not perfect, but through those flaws, viewers see the power of interpersonal relationships and the ability of people to save one another in a myriad of ways.

Throughout the episode, Judd is lost, but one grounding force saves him from his demons: his wife, Grace Ryder. As the episode kicks off, Judd is a young kid joyriding with his friend. As Judd sits behind the wheel, a tragic accident causes his friend to die, and Judd is left with a wealth of guilt and self-doubt. Despite Grace being in grave danger after the accident, during the entirety of the episode, it is Judd who needs saving from the complex emotions that haunt him. When Judd is in danger, Grace is there for him, even when she is a hospital bed. Judd wants to take revenge on the drunk driver who drove him and Grace off the road, but then, Grace wakes up, and Judd comments that Grace has saved the drunk driver. Before that, before Grace and Judd have met face to face, they begin correspondence when Judd calls a Christian crisis hotline that Grace works at as she finishes school. Seeing their relationship develop over the phone shows the deep connection that the couple has, and in Judd’s darkest moments, Grace was there for him, and her voice saved him from his own self-destruction.

After reciting Psalm 31, which Judd has tattooed on his hand, Grace says, “None of us are perfect. It’s by Grace that we’re saved,” and this line expertly reinforces the themes of the episode. Just before he nearly beats the drunk driver who ran him and Grace off the road, we see Judd getting the tattoo, which shows Judd’s mindset. He is thinking about Grace and how she has saved him. Judd himself was responsible, at least in part, for somebody’s death; that guilt has made it hard for him to recover mentally, but grace has gotten him through. Even so, he struggles to extend forgiveness to the man who has hurt Grace. The reminder of his own trauma is fresh, but Judd is still a flawed, emotional person who needs tempering, and with Grace unconscious, he feels untethered. He’s back to being an angry person, who still blames himself for the death of his friend.

Judd once fought to make amends with Leigh-Ann, the mother of the kid who died in the car, and these parallels show how hard it is to forgive. But the forgiveness ultimately isn’t about giving a gift to someone who has done wrong; in this story, it is shown as a way of saving yourself. Instead of getting trapped in the bitterness, forgiveness allows the characters to heal themselves. Early in the episode, Leigh-Ann is hurt on the floor of her home; this portrayal represents how her son’s death debilitated her. She holds unto her anger, but as Judd makes amends by fixing Leigh-Ann’s fence (a white picket fence that represents the ideal American home, which has become dirty and has fallen apart since Cal’s death), and he takes a devastated property and makes it a home. After watching Judd work for a while as she recovers, Leigh-Ann finally gives Judd water, and not only does Judd make amends, but Leigh-Anne has physically recovered since we last saw her. She still has a sling on her arm, but she’s on the way to healing. Likewise, when Judd goes to see the man who nearly killed Grace, he is in the process of healing himself. He’s just gotten out of bed from his own injuries. His body is still battered, but as he backs away from the man because of Grace waking up, it marks that Judd is healing too, not just physically but he’s also learning to focus on what matters rather than the anger he feels. In the end, it is love and care that brings the character happiness, and it makes them happier to focus on the things that save them rather than what hurts them. Love, from the 126 and from Grace, keep Judd from self-destructing from his guilt and rage.

The title works on a number of levels. While it seems at first glance that the episode is about “Saving Grace” from the accident that has nearly killed her, the essence of the episode is that Grace is Judd’s “Saving Grace.” Not only that, but she is thousands of people’s “Saving Grace.” In her career, she has been a voice of reason and hope. Even when she can’t save a life, as with the astronaut in the season one finale, her voice still provides comfort and a sense of salvation to people who are hurting. It’s not just Grace that saves Judd. In many ways, Judd also sparks Grace’s own decisions. As Grace falls in love with Judd, she realizes that going to graduate school far away isn’t her calling. She doesn’t stay because of Judd, but there’s no doubt that her connection with Judd helped Grace realize that saving people was her calling. She decides to become a 9-1-1 operator, and for thousands of people, she becomes a “Saving Grace” on the other end of the line.

“Saving Grace,” is one of the best episodes of the series, and arguably, it is the most artfully written. It stands out because the details add up in a way that drives the plot and character development. It excels at showing rather than just telling the viewers the vital details of the story. Grace is an angel, and one of her greatest strengths is bringing people together and comforting them in their times of need. When she saves people, she then allows them to save countless others. Through Grace, Judd is a hero in his own right, but he is the kind that gets glory, while Grace’s role is more understated but just as important. The episode mostly focuses on Judd’s history, but when you look at it closely, the role of Grace, understated but poignant, is what stands out the most.

The Edits Edit

Some of the best edits this week that deserve all the love.

Carlos Reyes, 911 Lone Star 1.01 by @reyeslonestar is an amazing piece of fan art, and as usual, Alice is an amazing talent that we should all appreciate.

This Grace and Judd gifset by @ronenrubinstein is just WOW. I love looking at it and cannot stop!

Marjan Marwani by @alwaysablossom is soooooo pretty. I love the colors and all the details more than I can say!

SIERRA MCCLAIN as GRACE RYDER by @bucktks is an amazing edit that highlights Grace. You should also check out this one, which is equally good! Finally, take a look at this Tarlos set! (They all are amazing.)

Judd & Owen in 2x09 (Pt2) by @911dawnstar is such a well-done gifset, and I love seeing Judd and Owen being a wonderful duo. Also look at Part 1!

“We’re gonna have a new little Texan running around!” by @shoenaerts makes me swoon, and my heart can barely handle it because Grace and Judd are the definition of LOVE. This one is also beautiful.

the ryders + howdy. by @laurenkmyers makes my heart beat faster... I love it so much.

This Grace and Judd moment by @chrissiewatts makes me cry every time I see it AHHH.

These gifs by @strandtk is so amazing. I am in love with this edit! This one too!

This gif by @jessie-meili showcases Grace in the perfect way!

Group Hugs by @rafasilvas is one of my fave gifsets ever and highlights wonderful parallels of the 126 family. I’m in love.

The truth is, I think I just wanted to hear your voice. by @buckleys-diaz is soooooo dreamy and beautiful.

Fic Recs

remind us where we've been by @morganaspendragonss (hollyhobbit101)

Word Count: 564

Chapters: 1/1

“This is something, ain’t it?” Judd says, nudging Owen gently. Owen looks around Judd's backyard, taking it all in - TK and Carlos with their two kids, Judd's three milling around, their whole family gathered together in a future Owen's not sure he ever imagined even in his wildest dreams. "It's something," he agrees.

Home is wherever you are by @sixringss (buckscasey)

Word Count: 1651

Chapters: 1/1

A week after the fire, Carlos goes back to his home.Speculation for 2x12/13

Get Me off the Boat, I'm Ready to be on Land by @silvarafael (tiniestmite)

Word Count: 3966

Chapters: 1/1

Five times TK’s sobriety is tested after he arrives in Austin but he keeps it to himself, and the one time it gets so bad that he tells someone.

The Way Our Horizons Meet (chapter 1) by @chicgeekgirl89 (Writeallnight)

Word Count: 1500

Chapters: 1/3 (WIP)

Carlos' perspective through the aftermath of T.K.'s shooting. Follows the events of episodes 1x08-1x10.

You Found Me (Did You Ever Doubt I Would?) (Chapter 10) by @doctornineandthreequarters  (doctornineandthreequarters)

Word Count: 2736

Chapters: 10/? (standalone works)

Tarlos college au

[wanderingchocolateeclair]

For the asks, 11, 18, 19 for Edgeshot and the soggy noodle (Jeanist) please?

Oohhhh, thank you for sending one in!! I actually did number 11 for these two way back when I reblogged this for the first time in this post (one of your asks actually aha) but I’m going to write out some more/re-write what I’ve written slightly different most probably lmao

Warning: will be mentions of bad coping mechanisms, depression, death and self destructive tendencies and thoughts. Please read with caution. I’ve put number 19 under the cut for this reason.

11. Bad or petty habits.

Okay well, they’re both incredibly bad at dealing with stress and tend to have a habit of overworking themselves.

Jeans gets incredibly fidgety when nervous, however always tends to pick and scratch at his hands. So he’ll always have something with him that he can fiddle with, such as a ring or charm or just the hem of his clothes.

He also is really bad at taking care of himself for some reason, mainly with things like injuries and stuff like that, but still.

Also. Petty habits? His puns. Please, it’s his puns he just cannot stop himself.

Shinya overworks himself, as said earlier, but it just has to be emphasised.

Sometimes (very rarely) he can tend to make a snarky remark relating to someone complaining about their family, with a response along the lines of “oh yeah same” or “ahaha yeah, it’s really annoying huh?” or literally just hitting them with the “yeah, they’re dead.”

He mostly does it to villains as a way to make them actually hesitate, when they say stuff like “oh I’ll kill your friends and family blah blah” he simply answers with a “too late” and he hates how spontaneous he says it.

Obviously, this doesn’t happen often because, well it’s kinda obvious and he has respect towards his family, but some days he just cannot help himself, he considers it a very bad habit.

18. Things they’ll never admit.

That they are tired. Or stressed. Or overworked. Or mildly injured.

They are so stubborn and they just will not admit it.

Also, when one is mad at the other, they don’t like admitting when there is something that they’re mad/wrong about.

They are just incredibly stubborn and will wait for ages. And eventually they feel bad but are still stubborn so don’t want to admit that they want to speak to the other.

Not that they need to admit when one of them feels lonely or sorry or just really bad about something when they aren’t speaking. Because it’s definitely plastered all over their body language.

(To those who don’t want to read number 19 because it does have some pretty heavy angsty stuff, please feel free to leave it here ❤️)

19. People they’ve hurt or indirectly killed, and how it affected them. (Read carefully, contains some sensitive stuff as specified in my warning ^^)

Okay, like I said, these are pretty heavy and contain quite sensitive stuff so please be careful. I’ve wanted to talk about these particular headcanons for a while, but didn’t know how to.

I have a headcanon that Tsunagu has killed someone in the past, and possibly more than just one person. It was all accidental, well, mostly.

When he was younger, about 12, I can’t remember what age I said in ‘When it Rains...’ but he was young. He couldn’t control his quirk and his quirk often would be way too powerful for him and his body to handle.

He found himself rushing to help some kids from a villain but his quirk ended up going haywire and he basically strangled the villain to death, whilst doing serious damage to himself and hurting his sister by doing so. He was just so angry and out of control, his mind was screaming at him.

This spirals him into a very very dark mindset, and he starts to blame himself for everything. The kids at school knew what happened and called him a “freak” and he had no friends.

As time went on, he often got told that “his quirk wasn’t suited for being a hero” and taunted that he should just stick to “making dresses and playing hairdressers” which had a really big effect on the way he saw himself.

He started to agree with them and when they told him that “you can’t be a hero now, you killed someone! Better to just start fresh, yeah?”...he also agreed...and well, I’m sure you can imagine what that leads him to, since I’d rather not go into the details of that too much at the moment...

His sister has to feel all of this pain that he goes through, and this makes him feel even worse.

He manages to get through this with the help of his sister, and a couple of friends that stuck with him throughout it all. And he goes to UA with his mind still clouded with doubts.

He knows he’s weak, he’s thin and not of a suitable fighting form. His quirk is too powerful for him to control and also not suitable for being a hero, but with the help of others and teachers and family he manages to pull through.

As he becomes a hero, he starts to feel better and more proud of himself, however there is still that little comment at the back of his mind telling him that he is weak.

Everytime he fails to rescue someone, or accidentally injured or goes too far with capturing a villain, it takes a huge toll on his self confidence and he starts spiralling again. Even if it wasn’t his fault he will still take the blame. It all brings him back to that moment when he was 12.

This often leads him to overworking himself to the point of passing out or collapsing, and often one of his friends or interns will have to usher him to somewhere he can recover. He lets his health deteriorate and lets any injuries go untreated.

He is the type of person to carry every failure, tiny mishap and any failed missions, completely on his own back. He converts it all to regret and this makes him feel weak, stupid and helpless. He could be on the other side of town and hear of a villain attack that got someone injured and he’d blame it on himself. These thoughts get carried with him until he finally just has to break down and let it all out.

This usually happens at home, where it’s obvious to anyone that he needs to talk about it, even if he doesn’t want to. Or at their usual top 5 meet ups, because they understand and they all listen to him and comfort him beca they know how much it affects him.

Often, in these mindsets, he will end up over using his quirk and injuring himself with his recklessness, however....this time it’s quite deliberate...he just lets it happen.

This carries on until he’s quite a bit older, and even then he still gets moments where his mind starts to slip.

When he meets Shinya, it helps a lot with his mental health, due to them having so much in common (and just being a couple of generally traumatised and depressed heroes who can barely look after themselves properly). They help each other get through the hardest parts and they understand when one feels the way they do.

(I’ve got many other little things that relate to this rather depressing headcanon, but it’s a heavy subject so I won’t write them out unless someone asks and actually would like me to, just for me to make sure you guys are comfortable and okay)

—————got to switch to Shinya now aha—————————

Okay so we have his backstory (which I am still working up the motivation to finish the whole thing)

Shinya ends up killing a large group of the villains that ambushed his village. He didn’t know how it happened, how he did it, or anything like that. But in a moment of rage and adrenaline and pure unbridled emotion, he shot forwards and killed them instantly, brutally.

In the moment he didn’t care. He was scared and had just seen his family and friends die in front of him.

However, once he learnt exactly what he’d done, and how severe it actually was, that’s when he started to feel the regrets.

At first it was not much, but as he started to try to live a normal life again and interact with others, that’s when it became an issue.

He noticed how others glared at him. He noticed the fear in the other people’s faces as they walked past him. The looks on their faces as they acknowledged the broken, empty face of this child and how scared they were of his past.

Slowly this all made him very self conscious and worried about how others saw him. He started to feel more doubtful and less trusting than he was, even with barely any trust left in him.

He trained and trained, overworking himself and using his quirk way too much. This allowed him to gain experience, yes, but it also drained him of having any sense of what a childhood should be - draining his memory of living a normal life.

People were always intimidated by him, and over the years he got used to it, but there are always times where he felt that no one would see him how he really was. Just a lonely person, robbed of a happy childhood and innocence and someone who can’t find it in him to trust anyone ever again. The only person who would understand was his sister, since she wen through the exact same experience and was with him through it all.

When he meets Tsunagu, he finds himself starting to trust again, and found that he was one of the only people that he felt safe with.

Then he started meeting other pro heroes, some with tough backstories themselves, and it just made him feel less alone.

Of course, there will be days where his past haunts him, and he feels the blood of all the lives he’s taken and failed to save on his hands and it terrifies him. It drags him down. These days he ends up shutting himself away.

He doesn’t take care of himself properly and ends up collapsing and becoming ill and rundown.

However, these moments happen. And being with those who he finally trusts and those who are there to help him feel safe...that’s what allows him to recover

That’s what allows them both to feel human once again, despite their pasts and doubts. Despite their flaws and failures. They seek happiness in each other and they find safety in their friends...and that’s what keeps them going.

Thank you for asking! Sorry for how morbid that end one was, but it really is one of my most prominent headcanons for these two, especially poor jeans, and I actually kinda feel a little better to have you guys know it now, so that when I sort of reference it in my writing, you know what I’m going on about.

Please send some in guys, I would love to give you some headcanons on whatever character you’d like to send in! Love you ❤️ This is the post for the questions!! I’m going to bed for now, but please feel free to send some in for me to answer tomorrow, I’ll get to them as soon as I can!!

[makeste]

some rambling about legacies, and opening up, and All Might has two sons more at 11

can I offer you an essay about All Might and his children in these trying times.

so back before he got swept up in the great tides of character development, Bakugou used to think that in order for him to succeed at becoming the best hero, it meant that Deku could not succeed. he thought it was a zero sum game; he could only be strong if Deku stayed weak. if Deku grew strong, then that would mean he was the weak one. there wasn’t room for the two of them to reach the top together. it could only be one or the other.

this is of course patently false, and we’ve since seen it disproven beyond a shadow of a doubt, and Katsuki has learned that it’s okay for them to work together. not just okay, but correct; the only way, the best way. it doesn’t make him weak; working with Deku improves them both and helps them both to succeed.

so given that, I think it stands to reason that if this holds true for success and power levels, it should also hold true for their character development, and their personal relationships -- such as their relationship with All Might.

   oddly enough, this is something that’s come under a fair amount of criticism. and interestingly, these criticisms have come from two very different perspectives. All Might spent too much time with Deku and focused too much on him and ignored Katsuki in his favoritism, which did a great deal of harm to Katsuki’s mental health. or the reverse: All Might’s bond with Deku is special and important, and there’s a closeness there that should never have been encroached on by Bakugou, and him sitting in on all of the OFA Club meetings now is unfair to Deku and takes away the one special thing that he had, and for once Kacchan should not make it about him and should butt out.

there isn’t room for both. or so both of these standpoints would seem to imply. All Might cannot be a close mentor to both Katsuki and Izuku; if he gets closer to one, it must necessarily be at the expense of the other.

pardon my very blunt take, but... bullshit.

let’s start by talking about something which I don’t often see discussed: All Might’s similarities to Bakugou. yes, Bakugou. not Izuku, the little green Might Jr., but Bakugou Katsuki, whose hostile and volcanic personality would at first glance seem to clash with All Might’s in almost every way possible. All Might is kind and altruistic and empathetic and burdened with a soul-deep need to help and protect others. All Might was born quirkless. All Might is the mirror image of Deku. All Might chose Deku as his successor specifically because he sees himself in Deku. all of this is absolutely true.

but All Might also keeps to himself. All Might goes to great lengths to avoid being seen as weak. All Might doesn’t let people close to him. All Might rarely works as part of a team. All Might is a natural talent. All Might smiles when he’s up against a wall. All Might is synonymous with determination. and All Might takes responsibility far beyond what he should, and burdens himself and blames himself when things go wrong, even when the outcome is out of his control. and at those times, All Might blames himself for not being stronger.

do you see?? All Might is like Deku, yes, but not only Deku. the truth is that All Might and Katsuki are alike as well. not only are they alike, they’re far too alike, in ways that All Might probably wishes they were not. where Deku is a mirror of All Might’s goodness and selflessness and optimism, Katsuki is a mirror of All Might’s strength and resolve and determination. but he is also a mirror of what is possibly All Might’s greatest weakness: his isolation.

this, perhaps, is a natural consequence that comes from having the sort of physical talent that both he and Katsuki possess. All Might grew up quirkless just as Deku did, yes, but once he received One for All from Nana in his teens, he took to it just as instinctively and intuitively as Katsuki has taken to his quirk. there was none of the steep learning curve that Deku experienced; OFA came to All Might easily, and he was by all accounts a force of nature during his school years.

the downside of this, however, is that when everything comes easily to you, you start to feel like everything always should. that because you are capable, you need to be capable. you start to build up expectations of yourself that don’t take into account the simple truth that no matter how gifted you are, everybody fails at some point or another. and because you are strong, because you never fail, you never learn how to let yourself rely on other people. you never learn how to ask for help.

and needless to say, this is a terrible, even fatal weakness to have. and what makes it all the more destructive is that this particular weakness is self-perpetuating and feeds into itself. you don’t know how to admit when you need help, and so you never get the help you need. it’s a brutal fucking cycle, and so it’s no wonder that All Might spent years and years and years trying to do everything all alone.

and he lost Nana. his mentor, the woman who was like a mother to him. and that only made matters worse. he lost the person who believed in him and encouraged him, and who understood the burden he was carrying better than anyone else, because she herself had struggled with that same burden. and so the one person he might have been able to reach out to, he ended up losing in the most devastating way possible. and so not only was he heartbroken and traumatized and likely blaming himself, but it also left him more alone than ever before, with the pain of that loss basically ensuring he wouldn’t ever open himself up and let anyone else in again.

and it’s easy to look at the impact of All Might’s downfall at Kamino, and the many shortcomings and vulnerabilities it exposed, and wonder what the hell he was thinking, and to blame him for not recognizing the fragility of the society he helped to build, and for the arrogance of thinking that a lone pillar could support an entire country all on its own and not inevitably come crumbling down. and yes; for all of his goodness and optimism, the notion that All Might had of a lone Symbol of Peace was deeply flawed.

but we learn from our failures. and after decades of struggling to support the world all on his own, All Might finally did fail. and after years of stubbornly trying to fight on anyway in spite of his injuries, he was finally forced to accept that his time was coming to an end, and that he needed to pass on his legacy. and in many ways, his mentoring of Izuku has been as much of a learning process for him as it has been for his protege. 

because for all of the similarities I discussed earlier, there are also ways in which Deku is not like him at all. Deku is used to failure. Deku is not afraid to ask for help. and Deku does naturally what All Might has always struggled to do: he reaches out.

and who does he reach out to? first and foremost, to another boy with whom, as I mentioned, All Might shares all too many similarities.

another boy who’s isolated. another boy who doesn’t know how to ask for help, who is afraid to fail.

All Might understands Katsuki remarkably well right from the start. of course he does; how could he not? and because he is all too aware of the effect that kind of stubborn self-reliance has on a person, he is hesitant at first to reach out to Katsuki in the same way that he does to Izuku. not because of a lack of care or concern, but because he knows -- all too well -- that Katsuki will not accept it. and so instead he takes a different approach with him, trying to guide him while still respecting his pride and stubbornness.

so this is kind of the status quo for them for a while. but now here’s where things finally get interesting. because as All Might’s powers continue to wane, and he’s forced to come to terms with his own weaknesses and to rely more and more on others, he finally begins to see where it was that he went wrong. and as he grows to care more about Izuku, he realizes that he doesn’t want him to have to suffer in the same way that he did.

and during this same time, Katsuki is also starting to go through his own personal journey which includes so many of the same struggles that All Might came up against. everything that comes along with the mindset of thinking you only need to rely on yourself. so here, again, is someone who is so much like All Might was. who is putting the same kind of pressure on himself of thinking that it’s not okay to fail. and who, eventually, also comes to experience the same pain of feeling responsible for the “loss” of someone he admired more than anyone.

and it’s one thing for All Might not to acknowledge his own pain, but it’s quite another to recognize that same pain in someone else. and I think that once he did, he came to the same realization he did with Izuku: that he doesn’t want Katsuki to suffer like he did. see, that’s the thing about being selfless. you’re numb to it while it only affects you. it’s not until you see that same pain affecting someone else that you finally start to realize how fucked up it actually is.

  and so this, fittingly, is what prompts All Might to finally reach out to Katsuki. the realization that Katsuki has been struggling alone, the same as himself. and at the same time, the long-overdue and crucial recognition that the past doesn’t have to be repeated. that he can be there for him, even if he’s still trying to figure out the best way how, and even if he still hasn’t come to terms with the near-identical burdens that he bears himself.

and so Katsuki has now officially gained one (1) Dadmight as well. and so here we have two boys, each a reflection of their beloved hero in their own way. two boys, and one legacy. a legacy which All Might carried proudly, but which nearly ended up destroying him in the end. two boys whose strengths and weaknesses seamlessly complement each other’s. two boys who already share a bond the likes of which All Might himself never had growing up.

the solution is obvious. but more than that, it’s necessary. so that neither of these boys has to go through what he went through. so that neither of them will ever have to fight alone. so that if they fall -- when they fall -- the other one will be there to help them get back up.

Deku has the quirk, but One for All is more than just a quirk. pardon me for getting all sappy, but it’s right there in the name -- One for All. it’s more than a power; it’s the legacy of working together to fight evil. a legacy of inspiring hope in others. and a legacy of never, ever giving up.

that legacy is both of theirs to share. that will is both of theirs to inherit. both Izuku and Katsuki are All Might’s successors. and he takes pride in them both.

and All Might doesn’t love Izuku any less because he is also a mentor to Katsuki. and All Might doesn’t care about Katsuki any less because he also has a close bond with Izuku. and All Might mentoring the one will always also be in the other one’s best interests. because the stronger they become, the stronger they can be for each other.

and they’ll need to be. because one thing All Might does understand all too well is that regardless of whether he lives or dies, he won’t always be able to be there for them.

so do you see? the reason why it’s so important for All Might to mentor them both. to mentor them together. because Katsuki can inspire and support Izuku in ways that All Might can’t. Izuku can reach Katsuki to an extent which All Might cannot. and All Might knows this, and has understood it almost from the start.

in conclusion, there really isn’t and never has been a war for All Might’s affections. Katsuki becoming a part of the squad isn’t forced; it’s foreshadowed. it doesn’t take away from what All Might has with Deku; it’s proof that All Might cares deeply about Deku and is taking steps to secure his future. and for All Might himself, it gives him a new purpose: to be there for these kids, to guide them and continue to support them.

and them coming together shows their growth. it shows how far they’ve come as characters. it’s the culmination of something that has been in the works since the start. All Might has two sons, plain and simple, and debating which one is the favorite child is really missing the entire point. that this is the story of two boys, who grew up admiring the same person.

and the story of how the two of them take that legacy, and make it their own.

together.

anyway that’s my post! if anyone needs me I’ll be sitting here thinking about these boys and how much I love them and their dad, and pondering other comforting topics to write therapeutic essays about.

[thessaliah]

Understanding Beast VII: Olgamarie’s and her family’s Sin in FGO

Note this is speculation meta which might or might not get jossed in the future, or change when I go through another branch. It's to explore what's said in the game, adaptation and other related (Nasu approved) material to speculate the themes of part 2. Working with contrasts with previous plot relevant Beasts, setting aside Tiamat animated parallel (which could get for Beast I in the future when Solomon temple is out as well), Goetia works the best because of the origins:

King Hassan (in disguise) warns in Babylonia through flowery language warns of two evils in particular. One is pity (or compassion), and another, the complementary one, shame (or regret). Beast VII sin hasn't been assigned, however it's very likely it'll be this one. I think I've covered up since the beginning of Lostbelt my suspicion Beast VII was the culprit because this sin was particularly fitting with Lostbelts and Crypters.

Beast I and Beast VII have some sort of connection, to each other. Holmes call Beast I attack the present from the past, while Beast VII from the future. It's the destruction of the past, the end of the future which somehow provokes this.

The Time Temple is compared by Da Vinci with Chaldeas, both as conceptual replicas of something on a smaller scale. Chaldeas is probably connected to Beast VII and the bleaching because it was made to observe the future, 100 years to be precise.

Now, talking about sins seems excessive, but I'm just using some contextual language since we speak of Beasts. Evils of Humanity. Beings who bear their fangs against the Human Order of the present to safeguard the Human Order. Well, of course, we're talking about the more plot-relevant ones and we can ignore Kiara or Kama for this lore definition. That's what I'm sticking with. Given that clarification, we should recap what was Beast I to understand why Animusphere are Beast VII and why Olga in particular, rather than her father (for now?).

Beast I was the consequence of a system designed to protect the Human Order and help humanity evolve. An observation system composed first of Solomon, who died, and then the 72 pillar demons. This birthed humanity incineration in their pride and anguish of humanity perceived meaningless and suffering. It was pity for that history of pain that led to extinguish it fire to use that energy and makeover the species (and the planet) from scratch. It was because they had the authority to do so. They were a system made to evolve humans, and one with human emotion and agency, unlike Solomon who could perform his duty because he had neither of those. Roman, the human born of Solomon's wish for a second life, countered such a statement denying the rights of such authority, returning Solomon's blessings to God, completing that task. Because he believed in many futures chosen by people themselves, and not chosen by him or his replacement. The reason why Goetia became Beast I and not Solomon was because Goetia had freedom to be angry and snap back, but Solomon admitted he didn’t have such freedom, so the potential of that evil was inherent in the system: an observation system to evolve humanity. That’s not necessarily a bad thing, but perhaps it is when it demands it to have the reigns and control of it.

Back to Animuspheres. Why them? Creating Chaldea seems beneficial for humanity. Well, it is... but only if Chaldea is treated like was treated under Romani, Da Vinci and Gordolf: as a group that answers emergencies that endanger the present at the time rather than in potential for a future danger. Let’s remind what Olga said in Fuyuki:

(cutting because image heavy)

On a first read, it sounds innocent, but actually, is a fairly arrogant claim. The speech beforehand should be revised (in particular with the recontextualization Mortalis Stella gives it having Emiya being angry with Olga and the Animuspheres):

Basically, if Solomon and the 72 demon gods were Observers and Administrators to evolve Humanity (something Roman undid so humanity would be free to choose going their pace). Animuspheres fashioned themselves as Observers who ensure or validate Humanity future. The results of over 2000 years of experimentation. Now here’s the question, if Beast VII is the Beast made of this system, why was Olga, and not her father, the one who transformed? While in the past, I believed Marisbury would be Beast VII, I always have to wonder one thing: what could lead a man as self-assured and pragmatic to experience such shame and regret (if that was the Beast sin as I speculated) so I had to headcanon something like “whatever he saw in the future made him feel ashamed”, but thinking about it, he couldn’t be that for a similar reason Solomon wasn’t Beast I: he didn’t have the mindset for it (in Solomon’s case, it was because he had no freedom to choose to be angry - but this weakness also exists, even in Roman who dislikes watching and making people sad, he just diverted from his potential danger by his  personal journey as human). Marisbury’s simply someone who resolutely points a gun at himself and blows his brains out with a smile. He still could have been an evil of Humanity, like Solomon probably was (not the Servant record version), just unhatched because the sin assigned was never nurtured. His daughter on the other hand... Unlike her dad, Olgamarie accomplished nothing, she’s deemed as a failure, no matter how she tries, even less apt for Celestial Bodies Faculty than her father’s star pupil, Kirschtaria Wodime. She even clings to her ‘life’ in Fuyuki because of her regrets, expresses her cries for her own insignificance in her last moments unable to accept it’s over.

There surely are other factors, like humanity torturing her (Specimen E), her death, potentially being an artificial being, or family indoctrination. But it’s still Olgamarie’s choice and her flaws which led to this transformation. The emphasis made on Olgamarie’s choice was present in the Lostroom when Lev asks her what she’ll do and she doesn’t have an answer to him. Her only answer is in the game or in the storyline where she parrots they’ll protect the future:

And now we’re back to Melty Blood: Backalley Nightmare. In that story, there's an argument of approaches to how to protect humanity. One is Sion, who abandons the big picture of 'preventing' a crisis and more 'do what little I can do' with the present. This is what Chaldea, the Chaldea after Olgamarie died led by Roman and his successors, has been doing, even in the Lostbelts. They try to protect what they could, and trust for the best. The other is Siamlin, who like Animuspheres did, is trying to observe the future and take measures to prevent it before it happens, no matter what she does, she justifies it as for the sake of the future.

(and there's this warning right here).

Simultaneously there're two Olgamaries. A dead one, presumably from Siamlin’s timeline, is a child ghost with mysterious powers and says this: “The future will not change.” The other Olgamarie is actually from one of Atlas’ simulations but has become a real timeline (due to Ghost Olgamarie’s power). That Olgamarie meets Sion and has a change of heart. This is why I made emphasis on Olgamarie’s choice and agency earlier, because that Olgamarie takes FGO Olgamarie’s proud statements in the beginning about her and Animusphere’s mission and abandons it:

Our job to guarantee the future, but whose future do we guarantee? We say that we're going to ensure the future, but what kind of future do we think is good? We expanded on the land, we built cities, we crossed oceans, we travelled the skies, but for what purpose?

She concludes that, to change the future, working with the little things of the present should be more important. This speech she gives to Flauros before he detonates the bomb, and  it changes everything because no bomb goes off. Nobody died. Flauros changed his mind and agreed. While the ending is all poetic and symbolic. The result is Sion winning. And the materialization is what Olga (this Olgamarie) wants, same as Roman, a bright blue future which is the symbolism for “endless possibilities” (also mentioned and reminded in Lostroom by Lev to her). The future can change.

Well, I was lengthy, but I laid out something: Beast VII being Olgamarie, other than whatever tragic thing Nasu will toss to “soften” the blame, makes a lot of  sense if it’s the Beast of Shame/Regret who ends the present from the Future. Animusphere (or Animusphere experiment) connected to Chaldeas and filled to the brim with feelings of not being good enough, and who thought needed to ensure humanity’s future. However, I think the one who has to defeat Beast VII is Olgamarie herself too. Because there need to be clear that humanity doesn’t need anyone to validate the future for them and the approach to change what’s the come is more “focusing on what little you can do now” than “obtain a great power to change things” which is what Olgamarie concluded in that manga (ironically FGO Olga strongly preached for latter in her speech; it’s no surprise U Olga exists partly, IMO, due to this). It’s possible that the thematic resolution will be similar, give or add new themes with more packing punch and characters involved.

P.S. Moonlight Lostroom OVA and Mortalis Stella in particular make emphasis that Olgamarie has doubts about her mission, but it seems she sticks with it. But once again, it’s important that these got (belatedly) added to reflect the post Melty Blood manga retcons.

[suf-lives-rent-free]

Fragments

Everything below is just my opinion; I am in no way trying to say that how I feel about this is the one correct take or whatever.

I know a lot of people like this episode and what happens in it, but I don’t.  I totally understand that some people just don’t want to see any negativity, period, but negativity is not inherently bad or wrong.

Negative opinions, even about something you enjoy, can be valid too - regardless of whether you happen to agree with them or not.

Also I get very salty near the end of this, and that might be entertaining to people who stan this episode?

I am aware that a lot of people – the majority, I’m pretty sure – think that the episode is a masterpiece. And on some level, I see where they’re coming from with that assessment.

The episode is boarded beautifully, the backgrounds – especially during the training montage – are stunning as always.  The music is fantastic, and the performances are great too.  In these respects, Fragments is a stand-out episode; I agree.

(Like look at this.  Gorgeous.)

However, something that’s bothered me since I saw the episode is the writers’ decision to write it into the story that Steven shatters Jasper.

Now, I know what you’re thinking: I just don’t get it.  I’m purposefully misinterpreting the story to say it’s bad.  Steven brings her back to life; and it’s not like he meant to do it in the first place.  I just don’t have the capacity to understand the sublime nature of the show’s storytelling.  I’m an SU crit and all I want to do is make the real fans feel about themselves for liking it.

Uhhhh... no.  Nah.  That ain’t it chief.

It’s true; I am not a writer.  I’m just a passive consumer of media.  However, I do not agree with the viewpoint that in order to properly understand or critique a thing you need to have the expertise and/or experience in order to make something similar.

For example, if I were to put something I drew when I was 10 years old next to something I drew yesterday, it shouldn’t take a person who has had an education in fine art to tell you that the latter drawing is better-looking than the former.

That’s how I approach media consumption and criticism; when I criticise a writing decision, I am doing so as a consumer.  I’m not saying I could write it better, or even that my opinion is objectively correct and the writer is wrong or bad.  I’m just saying that I didn’t like a thing.  Which, I would hope, is allowed?

Okay, defensive hedging over, back to the point; I don’t like that they had Steven shatter Jasper.

[I get markedly saltier from this point on, fyi]

Full admission of bias here: one of the things I really cherish about the original show is how they wrote Steven’s character; he’s a boy with interests that don’t rigidly conform to gender stereotypes.  He likes ‘boyish’ things and ‘girly’ things, and that’s okay; thats just him.  In cartoons when I was growing up, characters like Steven would be the butt of jokes about being ‘girly’ or thinly-veiled homophobia.  I find him very relatable, and I want to acknowledge that yes, that is probably a significant part of why I have such an issue with this episode’s twist.

I am not trying to say that he’s a perfect baby angel or whatever; Steven regularly gets frustrated and angry. He does some pretty manipulative and dickish things to people around him (stop trying to make Larsadie happen, Steven. It’s not going to happen).  He is a flawed character who fucks up sometimes. And he’s not 100% peaceful either; he acts violently when he defends himself against corrupted Gems and Homeworld Gems (and Crystal Gems on occasion *cough*Bismuth*cough*).  

However, he has a pacifistic temperament; whenever it’s possible, he prefers that problems be solved without needless violence or hurt.  And I like that; in most media, it’s rare to have a male protagonist who wants to solve their problems without jumping straight to punching things.

When he accidentally frees Centipeedle, he convinces the Gems to step off and allow him to try and rehabilitate her peacefully; he even notices that the Gems’ weapons are a trigger for her, and make them put them away.  He frees Lapis against the Gems’ wishes because he recognizes that keeping her prisoner is wrong, and when she steals the ocean, he talks it out and heals her so she can leave Earth peacefully.

He tries to aid Jasper when she starts corrupting, fixes Eyeball’s gemstone when she’s cracked and tries talking Bismuth down when she attacks him with the breaking point.  In all of these situations, his words and help are ignored or rejected; he’s forced to resort to violence.  And it traumatises him.  

We get an entire episode dedicated to the fact that he’s been struggling with processing these awful things that happened.

Even in Future, Steven shows hesitation about engaging in unncecessary violence; he gives into Jasper’s goading for a fight after what’s implied to be dozens of failed tries at making her come to Little Homeschool, and he spends an entire episode trying to keep Lapis from squashing the two rogue Lapis Lazulis. 

The only time he hops into a fight willingly is after Eyeball and Aquamarine hold Greg hostage, and even then they pose a clear threat to his and Greg’s safety and have made it clear that they want to hurt him emotionally and physically.  Even at that, he stops and switches tactics to talking them down as soon as they lose their focus and start bickering with each other.

(I mean, he fails.  But it’s the thought that counts.)

I personally find it really jarring that the writers found it appropriate to write it into the series that this same character – over the course of three (3) days – goes from disliking mindless violence for mindless violence’s sake to happily engaging in the destruction of plants and animals* and has done a total 180 on his willingness to spar with Jasper, to the point that he instigates their rematch.

*(You best believe plenty of small mammals and birds – y’know, like the nest Steven saved in the first episode – died as he and Jasper felled tree after tree, not to mention all of those displaced by the destruction of their habitats, and the potential loss of food sources from some of those trees.)

You’re telling me that it’s a reasonable character beat for this boy to gleefully laugh like an anime supervillain at his sudden new-found joy in fighting, then pin Jasper in place, taunt her for helping him get so strong, and hit her so hard that she breaks into pieces and dies?

You’re telling me that that’s an in-character thing for Steven Quartz Diamond Cutie-Pie DeMayo Universe do to another character?

(And yes I am purposefully dancing around talking about the mental health stuff because if I did that I’d have to go on a whole other tangent about Growing Pains and fuck I just don’t feel like it right now lmao)

Going back to Mindful Education, another big thing we see Steven struggle with is the idea that his mother shattered Pink Diamond.  This knowledge sits heavily with him; it makes him sympathetic to the Diamonds, even under the circumstances in which he sees them (escaping from the Human Zoo, and being on trial for said murder). 

He sees their grief, and he feels awful.  He questions who Rose Quartz even was.  He knows, based on what Garnet said, that Rose had to do it; there was no other way to free Earth.  But he still feels awful seeing the pain that Pink’s loss has caused Blue and Yellow Diamond.

In Steven Universe, shattering is clearly equated with execution/death multiple times.  When Pearl and Garnet fret over the crack in Amethyst’s gemstone worsening.  When Blue Diamond threatens to break Ruby.  When Bismuth introduces the breaking point, and Steven recoils at the sight of what it does.  If you want to take the fact that Gem shards are sentient and desperate to become whole again into account, you could even argue that it’s a fate worse than death. This particular act of violence is treated very, very seriously.

When we find out that Rose shattered Pink Diamond, there is a season and a half long arc unpacking the implications and consequences of this one action, and how this knowledge forever alters Steven’s mental image of his mother.  And she didn’t even kill anyone.  It was a lie!

In Steven Universe Future, Steven shatters Jasper 4 episodes before the end of the series.  And it’s only brought up twice; once for a big *gasp* moment during his breakdown in Everything’s Fine, and in I Am My Monster by Pearl, when she has to fill-in Bismuth, Lapis and Peridot.  Notably, it is never discussed around or by Jasper.  Y’know.  The person who actually died.

No indication of how (or even if) what Steven did is affecting his own self-image after his initial breakdown, how Jasper feels about what she went through beyond falling back into the Era 1 and 2 mindset.  No inkling of how the knowledge that Steven killed somebody has affected how anyone in his life thinks or feels about him; when Pearl brings it up in I Am My Monster, she seems to not even really believe it’s true.

If there are any consequences or talks about this incident, they’re skipped over between I Am My Monster and The Future, and we’re expected to assume that Steven and his therapist are dealing with it, I guess?

And yes.  It was an accident.  He did bring her back to life.  But it still happened.  If you hit someone over the head and they stop breathing, just because the paramedics are able to resusitate and stabilize them afterwards doesn’t mean you never hit them.

But here, it’s shoved aside because dwelling on it would take far too much time, and risks framing Steven in an unsympathetic way when he’s meant to be on the cusp of a breakdown.

It just feels like careless writing to me.  They really, really wanted their big action scene with Steven and Jasper, but didn’t think (or maybe weren’t interested in thinking) about the seriousness or consequences of what Steven shattering someone would entail.

In my opinion, Steven shattering Jasper is one of the cheapest, laziest things they could have ever done with his character (and hers, for that matter).  To me, the entire thing feels entirely out of character.  It’s pure shock value; nothing more.

So yeah.  That particular writing decision just does not work for me.  And if you disagree... well that’s fine?  It’s fine.  We can agree to disagree?  I’ve read a lot of defense/praise for this episode, and honestly even after processing all of those opinions and all the time my thoughts about this plotline have been stewing in my brain, I still feel the same way.

[browniesnivy]

I’m not going to pretend that Dartz isn’t easily the weakest villain in the series, but I feel like there was at least some effort put in to giving him some interesting contrast with Yami (even if, like most decent or even good ideas in Season 4, they ended up diluting the message in the paper-thin writing). Unfortunately, before I explain what I mean I have to go into excruciating detail about Atem’s character arc, so buckle up because it’s essay time. 

One of the things that Season 4 touches on that I actually rather enjoy is Yami’s obsession with destiny and how this affects his perception of victory and of himself. Though people complain that Yami had nothing to lose in his duel with Raphael before he activated the Seal of Orichalcos, I actually think this was intended to highlight how he perceives winning and losing. To lose for any reason is (at least to him) not just a personal failure that will injure his own pride, but one that will put the balance of the entire universe in danger. He has no memory of who he was or even who he is now, but his past follows him around everywhere he goes and dictates every second of his afterlife (just as it did when he was alive, although he has no idea about that at this point). He is told by Ishizu and many others around him that he is responsible for everything, that it is his job to fix everything wrong in this world, and thus he has developed a complex of thinking that it is his personal responsibility to eradicate every evil in this world and any failure is an apocalyptic catastrophe. That mindset is obviously terribly unhealthy, but Yami’s destiny is the only shred of his identity that he even knows. It might require him to constantly endanger himself, but it’s the only thing that anyone seems to understand about him and is certainly the only thing he understands about himself, so he continuously throws himself in front of Ra’s attack again and again and again...

Unlike the major story arcs in the show that proceeded it (and sadly the one that follows), Season 4 treats this as a major flaw in Yami’s mentality. Raphael is able to manipulate him into activating the Seal by convincing him he will lose everything if he can’t defeat him, and the fact that there is no actual danger involved at present might actually help convince Yami of his point even more. We see in Season 0 that Yami often puts himself in unnecessarily dangerous situations for what appears to be no reason, but to him every situation with even a possibility of “failure” is dangerous. In this instance, the fact that he could lose at all is dangerous enough, and he invents all sorts of imaginary reasons why he has to play the Seal of Orichalcos no matter what the cost. Raphael is expertly manipulating his opponent’s insecurities here. Of course it was a huge mistake for Yami to play the Seal, but with all this in mind it is a mistake that I could at least easily see myself making if I were in his shoes. 

In the end, Yami ends up paying for this mistake. He loses despite his best efforts, but unlike before he played the Seal and was on the verge of defeat, he actually has something tangible to lose now. Yugi didn’t deserve to have his soul stolen for a mistake his partner made, and yet that is exactly what ended up happening. Yami is able to see that this is unfair when it happens to Yugi, and yet he still is at first unable to see that same principal applies to him when he tries to brazenly sacrifice himself for other people’s sins. Yami is forced to confront this nasty part of himself and realize that his life is worth more than it’s use to the universe at large. Only by the lose of his closest friend, the only one who sees him as a real person and not as a Messiah or an extension of someone else, can he come to the realization that he isn’t meant to single-handedly solve every single problem in the world. That emptiness when his friend isn’t around makes him realize that it isn’t his destiny that fills the void in his soul but his connections, and that he doesn’t have to constantly throw himself under the bus in order to make the world a better place... because there are people who love him and who want him to love himself too. 

Of course this is basically ignored by the fact that the show ends with Yami being forced to abandon all his meaningful connections in order to fulfill his depressing and lonely destiny, but in isolation this is a pretty nice character arc that honestly should have been carried over into future seasons. And before you ask, I don’t take constructive criticism. 

Now, back to Dartz. There are several surface level similarities between Atem and Dartz, most obvious being that they are both ancient kings who wield the powers of darkness. What I think often goes unnoticed is the fact that they have nearly identical views of the world despite being on opposing sides. Dartz desires to consume everything he deems evil by fulfilling the destiny given to him by the Orichalcos, not just because he was instantly brainwashed by it (because that would be stupid) but because after his kingdom crumbled he realized that he was the only one left to stop the destruction of Atlantis from happening to the rest of the world. This is basically exactly what Yami is trying to accomplish: Yami was unable to stop the consequences of his father’s sins from bleeding into the future and now seeks to use the last of his remaining strength to completely purge the world of sin. One major difference in Dartz and Yami’s thinking is that Yami seems to be focused on destroying the very concept of “evil” while Dartz just wants to get rid of the people that do evil things, but nonetheless both of them have personally taken on massive responsibilities spanning generations in an attempt to stop something they aren’t even responsible for themselves. It isn’t Dartz’s fault that Atlantis was full of unrighteous people in the same way it wasn’t Atem’s fault that his father committed genocide an entire village, but they both think it’s up to them to face the consequences head-on regardless of what that means for them. 

Dartz sacrifices himself to the Great Leviathan in the end to achieve his goal, an action which I believe is the final culmination of all of Yami’s self-worth issues and the logical extreme of his mistake to play the Seal of Orichalcos earlier in the season. Yami can not be fooled into blindly sacrificing himself after what he learned on this journey, not after he realized that he had value despite the darkness inside his heart. He is able to defeat the Leviathan by calling upon his friends to help him accept his flaws and learn to work past them instead of force himself to constantly atone for them. It might have been corny, but it gets the point across that Yami will not become Dartz (ignoring the fact that he ends up basically doing just that even if it is “for the right reasons” later on which drives me INSANE) and will no longer treat himself as something less than human, as just a vehicle for destiny’s righteous judgement. Dartz tried to fix a fundamental evil of the world by sacrificing his own humanity and ultimately became the very thing he sought to destroy, just as Yami became dangerously close to doing in his duel against Raphael. But he knows better now and for once, he actually puts his past behind him and moves on towards a better future alongside his friends. (I know I keep bringing this up but take notes, Ceremonial Duel.)

I’m not going to pretend that I’m not thinking way to hard about this, or that the way the show handles this is done expertly. I already acknowledged that Dartz is as bland as an unsalted cracker, but I also have to mention that Yami still basically has to defeat Dartz alone even after all the set up with Kaiba, Joey, and the Legendary Dragon Knights, which I really have no excuse for. Season 4 definitely isn’t perfect (I don’t think I’d have such a soft spot for it if it was) and I still have a lot more to say about it, but I just wanted to bring some attention to this contrast since I only noticed it on my fourth complete rewatch of the season. I think Dartz could have been a much stronger antagonist if his similarities to Atem were made more pronounced, and I hope I explained that in a way that was at least slightly thought-provoking in this essay that took me far too long to write.

[the-nysh]

Garou does have a lot of charming and redeeming qualities and most of the fans seems to like him. But do you have any constructive criticism for garou or any quality that you seem to dislike in him? Plus I love your writing :)

Oooh, let’s see...(and thank you! :’3) ‘Dislike’ may be too strong a word...but he does have his interesting character flaws (which, depending on how you look at them, could be seen as more endearing/charm points, heh ymmv) and I certainly have my concerns for him.

The big one is obviously him going around hunting heroes who never personally wronged him (no matter how justified he feels in doing so by attacking the system’s ‘justice’, and even when he announces his intent by warning them first) is still...well, a crime, and beating them up and putting them in hospitals while other disasters are raging, dwindling their numbers when they’re needed more on the front lines is also...not very constructive or his best judgement of the current situation either. He thinks he’s making an impact that way (including wanting to build his notoriety), but objectively, we know that’s unhelpful the wrong approach. 

So you could say he’s stubborn to a fault (to the point he even recklessly endangers himself), indecisive about what he really wants (and who he really wants to be), and in some chronic denial about himself too (a bit of an oblivious dummy because of that), and doesn’t tend to think things through either, so his perspective ends up rather warped short-sighted and overly hasty. He may feel things very strongly (his heart coming from a good place tho) and is often driven by those emotions, but he doesn’t always know why he feels the way he does, or how to deal with them well or channel them in constructive ways. In turmoil from emotional constipation~ So his pent-up anger/frustration can erupt in reactive outbursts or he lashes out on instinct (which can be dangerous;; esp if it gets out of control or he accidentally does things he doesn’t mean to making him feel shitty afterwards.)

From early on, he’s been bound by spite and a world view formed perhaps too soon in his childhood (which is actually limiting *cough* key word). He may think he already knows ‘this is how the world works’ based on what he’s personally perceived and experienced....but that actually makes him rather naive to the real world instead. :O Especially by thinking he could change and unite the world thru fear...lofty in scope, but a bit too idealistic, cause the real world’s not so simple. Ah, and Psykos did call him ‘pure of heart’ too. He prematurely set out calling himself the monster (read: identifying and sympathizing with those who’re systematically treated unfairly), conflating another group as the ‘bullies/bad guys’ instead (based on his own personal and fictional projections a bit too much), and all without even knowing what real monsters are actually like! (Which he ends up hating anyway once he finally meets some for real.) So hhhh;;; (his intentions may be grounded from a place of moral righteousness, but his methods in response to that, by setting out wanting to achieve balance, are certainly...ill-advised) he really lacks that necessary life experience and guidance. :’)

Which is also rather tragic, because when no one was on his side as a kid, he likely lost his trust in adults/authority figures to help him (when alone and powerless) and the reliance on any potential support system from others too (striving to become strong and self-reliant on his own instead; aka the ‘you gotta stand up and save yourself’ outlook) when...after everything learned from ONE, that’s against the whole message about how much we actually need others to function/mature/grow/thrive (connections with others are important!) And Garou...all by himself lone-wolf style, taking all that burden upon himself, believing he had no other option to take either (even when not true to himself or happy about it, yet he still felt he had to perform the role anyway), just ends up being self-destructive...;.; So he couldn’t have gotten far on a path like that, but whew, thankfully Saitama stepped in before any of this could spiral out of hand! (With Tareo’s help!) The lesson finally (and hopefully) liberating him from his previously binding mindset. :’) (Which we still have yet to see what becomes of him next~) After finding himself and the truth, ideally there should be nothing else holding him back (or forcing him to conform to such ‘roles’ anymore) cause it’ll be just what Saitama says, he can still do what he wants, and try again in a new/better way, even after experiencing failure the first time around. So ahhhh...(this got pretty long, heh) I definitely have my many concerns for him, but seeing him struggle and figure out all this for the better makes me rather fond of him and all his flaws instead. <3