#everyone else is kind of constantly enduring Everything and i got Pretty good at. not being as sad as k could be i suppose?

[simonstamenovic]

Gah okay I hope I can maybe sleep soon but I don't know. you do not need to read these tags is it a lot.

[izzyspussy]

Hey. So. I just had a thought. Totally out of the blue. What about OFMD characters as Tarot cards, huh? Whadaya think? Totally unprompted thought.

Wow, what a strange and interesting thought to have without any kind of cue at all... 🤔

Okay disclaimer. This isn't going to have everyone or tbh even most of 'em, because this post is fully brought to you by how no character has more perfectly exemplified The Hermit to me before and not much else.

Stede + The Fool

I think Stede and Ed both fit this very well (among other characters). I had a plan a while back to draw a card where Stede was The Fool upright and Ed was The Fool Reversed except instead of The Fool and The Fool Reversed it was Fuck Around and Find Out, but then I couldn't find reference pics I liked and I actually can't draw. So. But anyway. I don't feel like I need to defend this pick? Stede is at the beginning of the journey of his life and he's got a youthful energy because of that, but he's ill prepared and needs guidance!

Ed + The Devil

Fave card alert. Ed has a pretty clear "dark side" that he believes he can keep separate from his "good side" - which of course is not possible, they coexist. This dark side consists of his temper, his traumatic past, his self loathing, etc, all things brought up in The Devil. He also tries to satisfy these darker things with instant gratification type shit - drugs, sex(? metaphorical? who can say what he's been doing to Izzy or not askfjsk, but at least it was literal with Jack anyway), physical destruction, sadism, etc. He also has himself convinced he has no control or choice over his actions, that he's just evil or whatever, which this card addresses. The Devil can also represent a powerful and passionate relationship - or a codependent one, like Ed and Izzy's. And of course he also does literally just call himself the Devil straight-up. Who am I to argue.

Zheng + The Empress

I mean she has an Empire, so. A bit on the nose, but you can't beat 1:1 accuracy lmao. She also has her balancing act between tenderness and authoritarianism. She's nurturing (so far, but considering her ship is called the Red Flag I doubt that's gonna last or will be proven disingenuous soon, but anyway...) but it can't be questioned that she is the Ruler of Rulers.

Oluwande + Strength

Patience! Gentleness not from the lack of violence but despite the abundance of it! Commitment! Steadfastness! Emotional endurance! Yeah!

Ben + The Hermit

My longest yeah boi ever. A man at a remote location in nature that may or may not materially exist, there to guide a lone, lost visitor to understanding of himself in absolute spiritual solitude. I mean, there have been purgatories just like this one in fiction before, but none of them quite struck The Hermit so hard on the nail for me as Ben did.

Izzy + The Hanged Man

*ominous - and disconcertingly horny - chanting* Whipping Boy! Whipping Boy! Whipping Boy! Not just that, though, of course. As a character Izzy also represents the need to put things on pause and think them the fuck through before you do some stupidass shit. He wanted a plan, and when he didn't get one he put a screeching fucking halt to god damn everything. And then he didn't fully think through his own actions either and got fucking murdered about it lol. He also, narratively, represents a differing perspective (at least in season one) from the accepted standard, that without considering - as many """fans""" have proven lmfao - you cannot fully understand the story. Izzy is also the number one guy who would need to take The Hanged Man's advice. Give up, bud!!! It's over!!! Stop torturing yourself!!! (Don't actually though, babygirl you look so good 🫦)

Black Pete + Knight of Cups

He's so romantic... *dreamy sigh* When he's at his best, he's compassionate, understanding, emotionally available and expressive, and has such an innocent natural charm. At his less best, he's constantly talking talk he actually can't or won't back up with action. "I'm a perfect shot," he says, and then balks at being asked to shoot something mere hours later. He has an idealized, unrealistic view of himself.

Jim + Page of Wands

Like The Fool, the Page of Wands is at the beginning of their journey, but they are still deliberating about where exactly it is they want to go. Jim in particular has two clear paths they can take in becoming the person they'll be. They can take the path of revenge and ruthlessness laid out for them by Nana and Blackbeard, or they can take the path of redemption and compassion they're being invited to by Oluwande and Stede. And the only way to figure out which way to go is to look internally and discover what they truly want, and choose the path that will give them that.

Frenchie + Page of Swords

Frenchie is full of ideas and enthusiasm! But he's also very adaptable, and though he's got that youthful energy he is not necessarily lacking in awareness or experience. He's a Jack of all trades like The Magician, but without the social separation or ambition. Reversed, Page of Swords can represent repression and lack of communication, which Frenchie "Invented Compartmentalization" is clearly familiar with. It can also be about promises you can't - or have no intention to - keep, like Frenchie's murderboat First Mate duties.

We don't really need to address how BlackBonnet are The Lovers, I think. And I've already seen more than one fanart of BlackHands as Three of Swords, so I'll just mark that correct shall I? ✔️ Keep 'em coming baby.

Thank you so much for indulging me, Andie!! IDK if you're even in this fandom at all or not alsfjks, but I hope you like these answers anyway.

[myrcci]

Trigun Stampede final thoughts tldr didnt love it

it was bad. Not terrible honestly, but as a fan of the series it’s really hard to appreciate Stampede when the original message so thoroughly crafted in the 98 anime was just thrown to the side like it was. I can’t say I’ve read the manga either but I did do some digging and was informed of some of the key points and details that are explored in there as well.

I do want to point out some of the positives of the show first since I think it deserves them because it did some things good. The action shots were incredibly dynamic and utterly beautiful to look at, we got to explore more of some of the side characters and world building which was satisfying, and the animation was overall really smooth and is a really nice refreshing update to Trigun. And if you put this show in a vacuum you’d honestly probably have a really cool, interesting, engaging sci-fi western in its own right.

But this show doesn’t exist in a vacuum, and even thought it’s a re-imagining it almost completely treads on most if not everything the source material gave us. Meryl’s characterization gets a huge downgrade as her role in the story is greatly reduced and her design is downgraded. Wolfwood’s character becomes more twisted. Vash the man himself is kind of reduced to his more extreme qualities rather than his much deeper character. Knives as an antagonist loses his mysterious air and more feels like a typical big strong bad guy. And overall it feels like at it’s core the show lost the central theme of Trigun, the main message, the meaning behind it all. It feels like Stampede tried to grasp it, but instead just used it as motivation instead of a theme. That being the enduring spirit of humanity, the infinite love and violence that we are capable of. One of Vash’s shining characteristics is that he’s great at socializing, he’s funny, he listens and cares. And furthermore he hides a lot of regret and disgust towards himself which he hides well, but is constantly shown rather then told. It’s his ideal to both take on responsibility and not get too close to people that’s constantly tearing him apart and which makes him compelling and relatable. Vash is an incredibly deep character who I can’t even begin to cover completely or due justice but the thing to know about him is that despite everything Vash displays undeniably incredibly human qualities of love and grit. And it feels like Stampede overlooks those qualities to deliver a main character who instead carries a burden to usher a compelling story rather than a character. Stampede presents you with a goofy yet capable man constantly under stress but is ultimately very one dimensional in terms of his ideals and character compared to 98 Vash. And lest we forget the side characters, Meryl who’s role for the most part has been reduced to nagging woman when previously she was a pretty impressive character. Wolfwood, who remains a foil to Vash but now instead of being a raging catholic with a sense of good and evil he just seems to be depressed and unhappy, albeit a closer interpretation to the manga much to my own chagrin. Roberto is a new addition and takes on the role of the sole responsible character and narrator, replacing Meryl in that regard, though otherwise he’s not an unwelcome addition as he provides a much appreciated contrast of a very jaded experienced individual. And of course Millie is nowhere to be seen, hinted at in the final minutes of the show I am both saddened by the lack of heart and almost glad I didn’t have to watch her character butchered much like everyone elses. What I really enjoyed about the 98 anime, besides the goofy stints Vash got into, was just the raw and concise range of human emotion and value on human life the show constantly put in front of your face at every waking moment. Every conflict put the pressure of a very real tragedy in the air and made sure you didn’t forget. Vash would have to use every resource he had to save as many people he could, not just his gun slinging, and every win and loss was thoroughly felt. Knives was a more understandable villain, Meryl and Wolfwood were much more captivating and interesting, and Vash feels much more human in the end. Ultimately, I can’t say Stampede was a bad show. It did a lot of things right with what it had and would be interesting in it’s own right. But conversely, I can’t say I personally liked it as an adaptation of Trigun, and in fact feel like it dropped the ball in almost every category I appreciate about the franchise. However, in the end, that’s just the conclusion I came too based on my own reading and experiences, and this is just the long and short of my amateur analysis of Trigun. Good action, bad at what it was trying to be.

[the-bau-quinjet]

One Misunderstanding

Bucky x Reader

Summary: You struggle to fix Bucky's first impression of you. Bucky struggles with his own feelings.

Warnings: angst, Hydra things- like brainwashing and torture, a few curse words, panic attacks, anxiety

Word count: 5609

a/n: this idea came to me very suddenly, but I'm in love with it. Hopefully whatever I just wrote does it justice.

Masterlist

"Everyone, meet Y/N. She's the newest member of our little group, bringing in a whole new level of hacking and tech skills. Y/N, meet the team." Tony introduced you to everyone, eager to share your skills.

You turned to the group, getting ready to introduce yourself further, but instead tripped. You shrieked as you fell down the small set of stairs you were at the top of.

Sam, being the closest, caught you. "Good thing you've got tech skills." He chuckled as you righted yourself, firmly planting your feet on the ground.

"Haha, yeah. I'm not a big fan of violence." You winced as you said it, wishing you could take it back. You didn't want to get into the reasons as to why you don't like violence.

To your surprise, nobody asked why. You would have guessed they would have questions, but maybe they weren't interested in your past. They all had their own issues to deal with afterall.

"Eh, we don't need anymore people for fighting anyway. Welcome to the team." Steve greeted you warmly, as you would have expected from America's golden boy.

You gratefully shook his hand, glad to not have to talk about anything yet. Unfortunately, you tripped again when you tried to move back, falling into the one and only Bucky Barnes.

His hands steadied you, dryly laughing at your clumsiness. "You really are clumsy."

You did you best to not show how embarrassed you were. You couldn't deny the claim. Unless you were fighting, something you vowed to yourself to never do again, you were clumsy.

Being abducted and tortured by Hydra may have made you a competent fighter, but your aptitude for tripping over nothing never left.

"Right, sorry!" You greeted everyone else quickly, eager to get situated in your room. "I'm just going to unpack everything." You waved as you backed out of the room, bumping into the wall as you left.

-

You had just finished putting away your stuff when you heard a knock on your door.

"Come in!" You figured someone would have questions for you.

Unsurprisingly, Natasha was the one to step into your room. Of everyone there, you expected her to have learned about your past. It comes with the territory of being a spy.

"Hi, I was hoping to talk to you." Her tone was friendly, but clearly she was skeptical of you. Again, you weren't surprised.

"I thought you might. I'm assuming you read my file? Honestly, I thought everyone would." You laughed gently, shaking your head at yourself.

"I did. Your file is pretty bare bones though. I did some extra digging... Not everyone else is as nosy as me." She grinned, already pleased with your openness. "So, why'd you pretend to be clumsy?"

"Oh, it wasn't pretend. I've always been clumsy. When everything happened, and I learned how to fight, I thought my newfound agility would help. Turns out, it didn't. The only times I'm even the slightest bit coordinated are when I'm fighting or training, but I wasn't lying about that either. When I escaped, I promised myself I wouldn't hurt anyone else."

"Why join the Avengers at all then?" She looked curious, still unsure if she could trust you.

"I wanted to help people. I just didn't want to use the skills they gave me to do it. So, I learned how to code, figured I could help behind the scenes."

She smiled, letting down her guard. Clearly it would take some time, but you could easily see the two of you being close friends.

"So, nobody knows about what you went through?" She couldn't help but be curious about your past.

"Nope. I don't talk about it much, but it's not a secret. I'll answer anything you want to know." You smiled, eager to try and make a real friend here.

You spent the next few hours answering every question Natasha could think of. You told her about being abducted and experimented on.

That lead to even more questions, basically boiling down to the fact that you're not a super soldier, but you do have enhanced senses- and seemingly enhanced clumsiness for when you're not using them.

You told her about learning how to fight, and the punishments you would endure if you got it wrong. The two of you bonded over the shared experience.

Finally, you told her about how you escaped. When the Winter Soldier escaped, every Hydra effort possible was made to find him. That included you. Resources were spread thin, trying to cover more areas. It was the perfect opportunity for you to get out.

"Really, I owe my freedom to him. Even if he doesn't know anything about me." You felt the tears in your eyes, too many emotions swirling through you to keep it all in anymore. "Since then, I've learned everything I could about technology and coding, which pretty much brings you up to date."

Before she could ask anymore questions, there was another knock on your door. Quickly wiping the tears from your eyes, you called another "come in!"

Steve poked his head in the door, cautiously looking between you and Nat.

"I've been sent to stop the interrogation." He grinned, stepping farther into the room.

Nat rose from her spot on the bed, kissing him on the cheek while rolling her eyes. "It wasn't an interrogation. We were bonding."

"Yeah, over what?" He chuckled, trying to figure out what the two of you had in common.

Maybe it was the look in your eyes, or maybe Nat just likes knowing more than everyone, but she smiled conspiratorially at you before responding. "Girl stuff, babe. Just girl stuff."

You smiled as the couple left the room, grateful for not having to explain everything again.

-

Over the next few weeks, the team constantly teased you for your clumsiness. Well, not the whole team. Nat knew the truth, so she never said anything. Peter never teased you either, although that is likely due to the teasing he endures as well.

Weirdly enough, you bonded with the kid over it, eventually telling him about your past as well.

Normally you could shake it off. They clearly didn't mean anything by it. Except Bucky.

Whenever he said anything, he stared you down. His eyes felt like they were piercing your soul. You're not sure exactly why, but he didn't seem to like you much.

Which wouldn't be an issue if you didn't have an embarrassing crush on the man.

Really your infatuation started when you first escaped Hydra. His own escape lead to your freedom, so you admired him. When you found out he was working with the Avengers to help people, you admired him even more.

Watching him on missions is really what caused the infatuation to blossom into a full blown crush.

You, however, would adamantly deny that if anyone ever asked. Which is what just happened.

"What?!" You nearly tripped, again, with how quickly you turned to look at Wanda and Nat.

"You heard me." Nat stared at you, a neutral expression on her face. "When are you going to do something about your crush on Barnes."

"I, I don't- I don't have a crush on Bucky." You stuttered, a lackluster job at denying the truth.

"Please, Y/N. It's so obvious!" Wanda joined in.

The three of you hung out a lot around the compound. It was nice to have a support system to lean on when things got hard.

"Well, even if I did, which I'm not saying I do! He doesn't like me. I don't know what I did, but his eyes feel like daggers whenever we're in the same room." You started out strong, but quickly morphed into a sad resignation. It genuinely upset you that Bucky didn't like you.

"I think I might know what that's about..." Wanda bit her lip, immediately feeling guilty at having said anything.

"What!?" You eagerly turned to her, needing answers. You shuffled your way across the room, never fully rising from your seat on the ground.

"I don't know if I should tell you! I'm not even supposed to know, but sometimes his thoughts are really loud!" Her guilt multiplied.

"You have to tell me now! Then I can fix it!" You were practically begging at her feet from your position on the floor.

She looked at Nat, who just shrugged in return. "Not my place, although I would love to hear it."

"Ugh, fine. But you can't tell anyone I told you!" Wanda glared at the two of you, unable to say no to your pouting face. "The first day we all met you, do you remember what you said?"

Your face scrunched as you tried to remember. "I'm not a big fan of violence?"

She nodded, looking at you as if she just told you everything.

"So?" You asked incredulously, unable to follow her train of thought.

She rolled her eyes, having to spell it out for you. "He kind of took that personally..."

Immediately, you sunk completely to the floor. "Oh, god. Fuck! That's not what I meant at all! I just meant I don't personally like using violence! Shit, shit, shit." You continued to mutter to yourself as Nat and Wanda shared a look.

"Why don't you like using violence?" Wanda asked, intrigued by your reaction.

You thought back to your conversation with Nat the first day you got here. You told her it wasn't a secret, it just wasn't something you brought up.

"Can you just look in my head? I don't really wanna explain it, but I want you to know." You asked, glad to share you past with another friend.

Wanda nodded, seemingly doing nothing until realization dawned on her.

"Oh shit." She whispered, not even realizing she said it out loud.

"Yeah." You huffed out a dry laugh.

"Y/N... I'm so sorry." You smiled at her, having worked through most of the trauma already. "You totally have a crush on Barnes though."

That earned a real laugh. "Hey, that's not what you were in there for!"

"It's not my fault! You were thinking it really loudly!"

The three of you laughed together until you sunk back into a pit of despair.

"What do I do? How do I fix this?" You whined, laying back on the ground like a child.

"I think you just need to talk to him. Explain what you meant." Wanda shrugged, unsure of any other advice to offer you.

"She's right. Just talk to him." Nat nodded along as you whined on the floor.

-

After a few days, you finally worked up enough courage to try and talk to Bucky. He had just finished training, so you knew exactly where he'd be: in the kitchen.

Walking in, you were glad to see him pulling ingredients from the fridge.

"Hey Bucky, can I, um, talk to you for a minute?" You stuttered through the words, nervous about what he would say.

He barely looked at you, nodding his head for you to continue.

"I just, I wanted to apologize." You trailed off when his head snapped up.

"For what?" Well shit. How are you supposed to explain this one without ratting out Wanda.

"Oh, well, um... I just thought maybe I said- I did something that upset you. Uh, you just don't seem to like me very much, which is totally cool, you don't have to like me if you don't want to. I just didn't want it to be my fault... Fuck." That went horribly. Taking a deep breath, you started over. "I didn't mean it."

Bucky is looking at you like you have three heads. "Didn't mean what?"

"That I don't like violence."

"So you do... like violence." He'd somehow grown more confused.

"Well, no." You paused, unsure of how to explain yourself.

"Then you did mean it." His soul piercing stare is back.

"I-"

"It's fine, save it. Some people get to choose not to be violent." And with that, he left the kitchen, abandoning his post workout smoothie.

You stared at the doorway, in shock over how poorly that went. You stood there , unaware of the 25 minutes that had passed, trying to figure out how it could've gone better when Steve found you.

"Y/N? What are you doing?"

You didn't hear him, too lost in the memories. Memories of Hydra, forcing you to do things you never wanted to. This happened from time to time if something triggered you into remembering, otherwise you had a handle on your emotions.

"Y/N?" Steve said your name again, concern evident in his voice. He gently laid a hand on your shoulder, trying to get your attention.

Everything happened so fast after that. The feeling of someone's hand on your shoulder caused you to panic. With all the memories of Hydra in your head, your training kicked in instinctually.

You grabbed Steve's arm, pulling him closer to you for better leverage. Before he could question your moves, you flipped him, pinning him to the ground.

The second you made eye contact, you realized what just happened. Horror and regret flashed in your eyes.

In an effort to get off him, you threw yourself backward, knocking into a cart full of pots and pans. The clanging of metal hitting the ground echoed through the small room.

Steve sat up slowly, trying to register the turn of events. You sat in a ball on the floor, tears pooling in your eyes, mumbling apologies over and over again.

Sam, having heard the commotion from the pots and pans, ran into the kitchen ready to fight.

"What- What happened?" He asked in confusion, lowering his arms from their defensive position.

"I don't know." Steve looked at you, still trying to figure it out.

"Y/N?" Sam's voice was gentle, but it still startled you.

You jumped from the ground, rushing to help Steve get up. "I'm so sorry! I didn't mean to. I never wanted to hurt anyone again." Your breathing was picking up, short bursts of air leaving your lungs. Your hands were shaking as you pulled him from the ground.

Your panic increased as you took in their concerned expressions.

"Hey, look at me." Steve's Captain voice, came out, urging you to make eye contact. You followed orders, breathing rapidly, your whole body shaking.

"I'm going to touch you now, is that okay?" His words were gentle, but commanding, causing you to nod in response.

He pulled you into a tight hug, rubbing soothing circles on your back.

You wanted to explain, to tell them what happened, but all that came out was a pitiful "Bucky".

"Do you want me to get Bucky?" Sam asked, trying to understand you.

The idea of Bucky coming back caused your panic to increase. You shook your head rapidly, "No! No no no no no." You kept repeating the word, shaking in Steve's arms.

"Okay! Okay, no Bucky." Sam reassured you, voice calm and soothing.

You’re not sure how long you stood like that. Sam moved around the kitchen, cleaning up the pots and pans you had knocked over.

When your breathing steadied, Steve asked, "Do you want to talk about what happened?"

You nodded, leading the two men to the couch in the adjacent common area. You sat for a minute, unsure of where to start.

"Why don't you just lead us through it all?" Steve suggested, still rubbing your back.

You nodded, grateful for the starting point. "I went to the kitchen to apologize to Bucky."

"What for?" Sam interrupted, already confused.

"Sam! Just let her talk." Steve muttered, slightly annoyed.

"Sorry!" He glared back at Steve before turning to you, "Sorry, please continue."

You couldn't help but laugh at their banter.

"Right, I wanted to apologize for what I said the first day I met you all. I realized how it sounded, so I wanted to try and fix it." You paused, waiting for the recognition to hit them.

It didn't take long. The two men nodded, silently urging you to continue.

"Honestly, Wanda told me that was why he always seems mad at me. You have to know, I never meant for it to come across that way! It's more of a personal, 'I don't want to be violent' than shunning others for doing what's necessary." You took a deep breath, not eager to relive the conversation.

"Anyway, I told him I didn't mean it. I just couldn't explain it right, and he got upset, which makes sense!" You turned to look between them, not wanting them to think you were insulting Bucky in any way. "I don't hold what he did against him. It wasn't his choice, and I completely understand that. I just couldn't put that into words when I was talking to him, and I made everything worse."

Tears popped into your eyes again, upset at what he must be going through. You weren't with Hydra for but a tenth of the time he was, and you didn't endure the same level of brainwashing.

"He said something about some people not being able to choose not to be violent, and then he left. I don't know how long I was standing in the kitchen replaying the conversation, but it brought up bad memories for me." You sighed again, working up the nerve to tell them everything.

"Wanda and Nat already know, but I guess it's your guys's turn. This was so much easier to just have Wanda read my mind." You laughed at your own joke, the two men sharing a concerned look.

"I was taken... by Hydra. They experimented on me, gave me enhanced senses, trained me to fight, and punished me when I did something wrong." Again, tears sprung into your eyes, occasionally falling down your cheeks.

"Why wasn't this in your file?" Steve questioned, more to himself than you.

"I haven't got a clue. I guess nobody knew about me? But, I escaped. They didn't brainwash me like they did Bucky, because I don't have the serum. Or, at least, I think that's why." You shook your head, refocusing on the important parts.

"When every available Hydra agent was tasked with searching for the Winter Soldier, I took it as on opportunity. Their resources were spread thin. I was able to getaway."

You went onto explain your reasoning for joining the Avengers as a tech specialist, trying to convey the same earnestness you did with Nat.

"You can ask Nat or Wanda too. Nat found out day one, Wanda a few days ago." You wiped your tears, hoping they believed you. "Actually, Peter knows too."

"I was stuck in all those memories when you came into the kitchen. I didn't even register that you were in the room, so when you touched me I freaked out. I never meant to hurt you!"

You looked at Steve fearful that he would be upset.

"Y/N, I believe you." You cried tears of relief at his statement, genuinely exhausted from the day. "It's not your fault, and you didn't hurt me. Just caught me off guard. You're surprisingly agile when you want to be." He tried to lighten the mood, glad to hear you laugh.

"Well, I train in the middle of the night sometimes. I- I want to be able to get out if I'm ever forced back there." Your voice was quiet, admitting a secret you hadn't even told Nat.

"We won't let that happen." The sternness of Sam's voice surprised you.

"Thank you." You wiped your tears a final time, looking between the two men. "Now, what do I do about Bucky?" You refocused your energy on fixing your relationship with the super soldier.

"He never would have said what he said if he had known." Steve started the conversation, defending his friend.

"I know. I don't hold it against him, I just wish I could explain. I get so nervous when he looks at me like that." You rambled, too tired to filter your thoughts.

"Like what?" Sam asked, eager for more information to tease Bucky with.

"Huh? Oh, I don't know. Like he can see into my soul." You deadpanned, earning a laugh from both men. "I just want him to like me." You nearly whined, upset by your poor relationship.

"Like you, huh?" Steve grinned. Nat and Wanda chose that exact moment to walk into the room, eagerly joining the conversation.

"Barnes? Did you tell him how you feel?" Wanda squealed with excitement.

You buried your head in your hands, avoiding the knowing looks the four of them were surely sharing. "Not exactly." You gestured to your head, hoping Wanda would figure it out and share with Nat.

"Ooh... It didn't go well, basically Barnes got upset, Y/N flipped Steve and had a panic attack, then told these two everything." Wanda explained to Nat quickly, trying not to make you relive it.

"We need a plan." Nat declared.

"No, I just need to learn how to have a conversation with the man." You rolled your eyes at yourself. "I'll try talking to him again." You went to leave the room, turning around to glare at them. "And none of you can say a word of this to Bucky."

-

Despite you request, Steve still tried to talk to Bucky.

"What's up with you?" Steve questioned, trying to subtly pry into Bucky's thoughts.

"Nothing. Why?" Bucky answered in a questioning tone, trying to figure out Steve's motives.

"I heard you talked to Y/N is all. How'd it go?" He gave up on the subtle approach pretty quickly, knowing Bucky wouldn't answer a question that wasn't asked.

"How did you even hear that, punk?" Bucky deflected.

"Not the point. Answer the question."

"Not great. I messed it up." Bucky sighed, annoyed at himself for barging out of the room. "She said wanted to apologize, that she didn't mean what she said." He ran his hands through his hair, struggling to explain where it all went wrong.

"Would've been fine if I could follow what she was saying. She was rambling about me not liking her, which you and I both know isn't true. Ugh, i've never been mad at her. I'm mad at myself! At Hydra for making me a monster! How could she ever like me if she doesn't like violence? My entire past is violent." He huffed, having worked himself up again.

"You're not a monster, Buck." Steve started gently.

"I know you think that." Steve gave him a pointed glare. "I know, okay? But what does she think?"

"Maybe you should try talking to her. You might be surprised by what you learn." Steve clapped him on the shoulder, trying to reassure him, before leaving the room.

-

Everytime you tried to talk to Bucky, something got in the way. The first time, he was called in for an emergency mission before you even got the word hello out.

The second time, Tony walked into the common area, completely oblivious to the tension, and put on a movie.

The third time, Steve and Nat interrupted you. You were just about to apologize again after an awkward greeting when the elevator doors opened. The sounds of the cheerful laughter and stolen kisses didn't really set the mood for confessing your past with Hydra.

The fourth, and final time, was the most embarrassing.

You walked into the room on a mission. You were going to talk to him, no matter who decided to walk in.

"Bucky, I really need to-" and you tripped on a toy Morgan left out, causing you to tumble to the ground. That would have been embarrassing enough, but there's more.

In your effort to get up, you tripped again, hitting your head on the coffee table, causing you to bleed profusely.

"Shit." You cursed yourself, holding your hand up to your bleeding forehead.

"Are you okay?" Bucky rushed to you from the other side of the table, concerned with the amount of blood spewing from your head.

"Yeah, I'll be fine." Unfortunately, you chose that moment to jokingly reference your past.

Some of the people who tortured you had a sick sense of humor. Whenever they would hit you hard enough to make you bleed, they said something about only having one head. A play on words because of the greek serpent with multiple heads.

"Head wounds bleed a lot, I'm lucky I only have one." You froze instantly, unsure if he would have had a similar experience. Slowly, you looked up in an effort to make eye contact.

Bucky was also frozen in place. Clearly he understood the reference.

"Wh- where did you hear that?" Bucky struggled with his sentence, trying not to flashback to his time at Hydra.

"Oh my god. I'm so so sorry." You instantly started apologizing, trying to backtrack. "I really need to learn when to stop fucking talking." You said more to yourself than him.

"Where did you hear it?" He asked again, putting more power behind his words.

"Um, well, i've been trying to tell you for weeks now, but um, I also kind of, have, um, well, you see-"

"Just spit it out." There was the slightly miffed Bucky you were used to.

"I was taken. By Hydra. 9 years ago. Um, they forced me to learn how to fight. Tortured me if I did anything wrong. Forced me to do things..." You trailed off, realizing you didn't need to give him many details. He has first hand experience.

"Y/N, I-" You cut him off before he could say anything else.

"That's why I don't like using violence. I only know how to do that stuff because they made me learn it. I didn't want to use the skills they gave me." You took a deep, grounding breath.

"I don't blame you for anything you were forced to do. It wasn't your choice. You're not a violent person, and your past actions don't define who you are. You're here to help people. That's what you chose. That's who you are."

You made eye contact before you continued. "I've actually wanted to thank you for the longest time."

"For what?" He was incredulous, wildly caught off guard by everything you've said.

"The only reason I had an opportunity to escape was because 2 years ago, you escaped. If Hydra's resources hadn't been spread so thin trying to find you, I probably would've never got out. So thank you. For being strong enough to fight back."

You smiled at him, still unsure of how he was feeling.

"I... I'm so sorry." To say you were stunned was an understatement. What the hell could he have to be sorry about? Sure he was a little rude, but from your point of view he was completely justified in hating you.

"Bucky, you have no reason to be sorry. You didn't know, and I couldn't get out of my head enough to tell you. You just make me nervous." You clapped a hand over your mouth, shocked at having said what you just said.

You could see his face fall ever so slightly, causing you to jump back into your explanation.

"Not because I'm scared of you or anything! Hell, I could probably take you in a fight." You winked, trying to lighten the mood. It seemed to work, judging by the slight smirk on his face.

"I just, I've looked up to you for so long. Your determination to do good after everything you've been through is really inspiring. It's actually why I wanted to join the Avengers in the first place. I never would have-" You would have kept rambling if he hadn't stopped you.

"Y/N, I am sorry, and I do have reason to be. There's no excuse for what I said to you in the kitchen that day. Even if I didn't know, I threw everything you've been through back in your face. If someone had done that to me, I probably would have had a panic attack." He tried joking, but by the way you froze he could tell he struck a nerve.

"You had a panic attack? I'm so sorry! God, I just left you all alone and-"

It was your turn to cut him off. "Actually, I was kind of frozen in place until Steve touched me and I maybe threw him to the ground... Then I had a panic attack..." You smiled, trying to convey the joke. "So, I wasn't alone. Sam was actually also there. If anything, it made me better friends with both of them because I told them everything. So I have you to thank for that to." You playfully nudged his side.

He ran his hands through his hair, then down his face, clearly trying to deal with his own guilt.

"Hey, don't beat yourself up about it. You didn't know. It happened. We're good now, so we can move on." You smiled, trying to cheer him up.

"How are you so relaxed about all of this? You were tortured for years... I..." He was genuinely curious, trying to find a way to cope with his own pain.

"Well, even before that I always thought therapy could be helpful for me, so I really jumped in full force when I was free. Plus, if you can't joke about something, you haven't really moved on. Some days are harder than others, but I just try to appreciate the people I have now and the good experiences I've been lead to." You kept the tone light, trying not to get too emotional.

He just stared at you for a few minutes, making you questions everything.

"I mean, it's totally different for you though! I was only there for 7 years, you were forced into all that for like 10 times as long. I didn't mean to belittle-"

"I think you inspire me just as much as you say I've inspired you." He cut you off again, a small smile growing on your lips.

"Well, in the spirit of our newfound friendship, can I be totally honest?" You bit your lip, nervous about telling him the truth.

He looked nervous as well, but nodded anyway.

"I kind of, maybe, sort of have a crush on you." You watched his expression carefully, although there was really no need. His face easily gave away his surprise.

"You..." He stuttered, moving his fingers between the two of you. "Me? But, I was so mean!"

"What can I say, I saw through the facade... Well, really Wanda accidentally read your mind and told me why you were so upset around me when her and Nat teamed up to get me to tell you how I feel." You rambled again, realization dawning that you accidentally outed Wanda.

"But you can't tell her I told you that! She didn't mean to! She just said you think really loud sometimes and it's hard not to hear it! She did it to me too actually, I mean I told her she could look in my head so I wouldn't have to explain everything again, I know so lazy, and that's how she confirmed my crush on you." You said it all with wide eyes at a rapid speed, unable to control yourself around Bucky.

You slapped your hands over your mouth, forcing yourself to stop talking. Bucky looked on in amusement, slowly reaching to pull your hands away from your face.

"I won't tell her, if you get dinner with me tonight." He smiled cheekily, relishing in your blush.

"That's a deal I'm willing to make." You reached your arms around his neck, kissing his cheek before running to get ready.

***

Bonus:

Sam whined playfully as he looked at the high scores. "Whose username is 'God is a spoon' and how did they get so good at this game?"

He looked around the room, eying any suspicious candidates. Everyone denied it, throwing out accusations left and right.

It was another of Tony's team bonding nights and he chose VR games on the oculus. Obviously, Beat Saber was a top contender amongst the group.

You walked in with Bucky, unaware of the conversation going on, but immediately joining it.

"Peter! I bet it was him!" You playfully nudged the younger Avenger, having formed a close friendship in the early days. "What am I betting on?" Everyone laughed, happy to see you in a good mood after being so stressed for so long.

"Whose username is 'God is a spoon'." Sam chuckled after filling you in. You and Bucky settled on the couch, cuddling next to each other.

"Oh, that's me. Why?" You looked around curiously, trying to figure out what they wanted. "Is it a weird username? It was actually one of the catchphrase things in Just Dance on the switch, I didn't just think of it." You tried to justify yourself, causing more laughter.

"You?! How did you get all the highscores on this game? I thought you were the clumsy one."

You made an exaggerated face to show how offended you were, playfully swatting at Sam.

"I'll have you know, 7 years of Hydra 'training' and experimentation has its perks." You joked with the room. "One of them being I can beat your ass at pretty much any video game."

"Oh, you're so on." Sam smiled, glad he could joke around with you about it.

Meanwhile, Tony looked incredulously around the room, being the only one in the room who hadn't heard about your history, he was rightfully confused.

"I'm sorry, 7 years of WHAT?"

[stoneworldsimp]

what’s mine is not yours —a request

platonic senku x reader

warnings: swearing, anxiety, talk of insecurities and worries, gender dysphoria

your name!

your name!

YOUR NAME!

your hands slapped to your ears, eyes shut tight. i can’t take this so early in the morning.

the voices from your dream had lingered longer than you would have liked. it reminded you it was time to face another day, to endure another long long day and night of hearing the wrong things.

maybe if i went and lived on my own again…i wouldn’t have to deal with it—no. senku needs me. he needs me…what does he need me for again? you rolled onto your stomach; your pillow rustled as you flopped it on top of your head. he doesn’t need me. i’d rather be lonely than hear everyone say some bullshit about me.

everyone in the village knew you as a miss. yuzuriha made you more neutral clothes upon request, but everyone assumed you were tomboyish. luckily, no one read more into it; it was nice to dress comfortably, but it was like no one else understood. why were they still calling you a girl? and the older folks, you knew they meant well! but you couldn’t help but feel like their constant “sweet girl”s were making fun of you at this point.

i can’t do it, i can’t do it, they’re making fun of me right now, as i think. as i exist!

you felt a tear trickle down the side of your nose.

oh, you’re kidding. crying? again? is this—

a knock on your door halted your thoughts; you quickly flipped back and sat up in your bed on the ground of your hut, and wiped your face quickly. you lightly slapped your cheeks to stop yourself from continuing crying.

“yeah.”

“it’s me. can i come in?”

senku’s voice brought some sort of relief; personally you felt it was better for him to come in at such a time than anyone else.

you took a deep breath. “sure, but i just woke up. i’m staying under my blanket.”

senku laughed behind the door. a small shove was made and it opened, revealing a quite chipper senku. he liked to come early in the morning when the rest of the village was quiet.

his smirk faltered once he saw your face. you believed you hid your crying well; you didn’t think to check your red eyes or stinging cheeks.

“what’s wrong?” he asked, his words much gentler than when he asked to come in.

damn. how could i not realize i was so obvious?

with a deep breath, you whispered, “senku.. we’re pretty good friends, right?”

he snickered. “of course we are, way more than that asshole gen.”

his voice was closer. you laughed as well, and wiped your eyes clear. he slowly walked over and sat down on the floor next to you. senku was looking at you, really looking at you; it was intense, almost if he was making sure his closeness or anything about his presence wasn’t bothering you.

“okay…i’m about to say a lot of stuff. let me know if you need me to explain more, or if i’m talking too much. or—“

your words halted as senku put a hand on your shoulder, a smile light on his face. “all ears.”

you smiled back softly. “okay. so—back in..our time,”you gestured between the two of you with your hands, “i told my family and friends i was, uhm… nonbinary. like i don’t feel male or female, i use they/them pronouns; all that good stuff. still feel that way now. and, for quite some time, they didn’t believe me. not in a direct ‘you’re lying’ way, but more of ‘i don’t understand it therefore you shouldn’t understand it’ type of thing. i got a lot of shit from people who weren’t my friends, too. but with my friends’ support and getting more confidence after coming out, my parents were able to kinda see it. but yeah, it took quite some time. probably like.. eight months? even then, i had to remind them constantly, ‘not a daughter. please don’t call me she or he. please don’t call me a woman.’ but we were getting there. and right when we got petrified, right when it happened, i saw the look on my mom’s face.

“we were talking about me and my identity and it was like something had clicked in her brain. like, she knew exactly what i meant and how i felt when i said what it meant to be nonbinary. i don’t even remember what i said specifically, but i remember her expression as if she were standing in front of me right now. i was so hopeful i’d see her again, her expression got me through my petrification and even helped me break out of it. but of COURSE, i didn’t ever see her again after i woke up. and then i almost lost my own sense of self after being by myself for probably a year.. i was under the assumption i’d never meet another person again, so when i did run into your village—i had this gross feeling of dread. and i realized it was the same feeling that basically lived inside of me before i came out.”

you sat up straighter and looked away from senku. “it’s like, i have to rebuild my identity all over again. people always say you shouldn’t care about what other people say, but i can’t help it. i’m a sensitive person. i get hurt easily, no matter how hard i try to thicken my skin. they all, they all just use ‘she’ and ‘her’ and ‘that girl’ so often, it feels like they’re making fun of me, like they’re constantly telling me i’m not who i say i am. and i can’t tell them senku, being nonbinary was confusing for so many people in our time, i hardly believe they’ll understand it now. sure, my parents were fine, but it took a while before they got it. i can only imagine how long it’ll take for everyone here.”

senku was quiet. have you over explained yourself? was it too overbearing? in all honesty you’d only been good friends with senku a short while; you should have waited at least a little bit longer before letting him in on something so personal—

“it all, it all kind of makes sense now.”

huh?! “what?”

“what you told me, i think i get it now.”

you gave him a look up and down. it was possible, but you didn’t think there was much of a chance that senku would be so..cool with it. not right away. you expected some form of silent treatment for at least a day or two, so he could collect his own thoughts.

“i’m gonna say something, and i need you to listen. yeah?”

you stared at him like your brain short-circuited. what the fuck is he gonna say to me.. oh god, he doesn’t wanna be friends anymore. but he’ll be too nice to kick me out of the village. but it is his village—

“hey, hey…are you with me?” you both sat facing each other now, and his hands rested on your shoulders.

just hear him out. “yeah. all ears.”

he smoothed your shoulders with his thumb. “you’re just as valid as everyone out there. i know you’re scared, but believe me when i say they will not be mocking you in any way. sure, it might take a while for them to understand, but theyre not going to give up just because they dont get something right away. it took me a few months to fully convince this village i could help them, and even then, there were still a few who didn’t fully understand the experiments and contraptions i made until a while later. i know that isn’t the same as your situation… but what i’m trying to say is that they will try their best to know you, the real you. they aren’t going to mock you; if anything, they’ll have lots of questions to ask you.

“also, you have me, you have gen to help out in case you don’t have the capacity to answer everything yourself. i’ve a few things about gender before the stone world, and gen definitely knows a lot of things that are relevant to it as well.

“everyone here… they’re all so eager to learn, i highly doubt they’ll be unaccepting. they’ll be curious. and they’ll be happy you’re letting them in on something that is so important.”

tears had made their way down your face and on your clothes halfway through his mini-monologue; you didn’t notice him continuously wiping them away until he was finished. “it’s going to be okay. trust me.”

with a quiet sob, you pushed yourself into his arms for a hug.

“thank you.”

you knew he wasn’t particularly one for any type of physical contact, but he gladly accepted. for the occasion, he thought. his arms slowly wrapped around your slightly shaking body as you tried to calm down. neither of you spoke for a few minutes; only your soft sniffles were heard in the hut.

“senku, i think that was the most i’ve heard you talk about something that wasn’t directly related to science,” you laughed into his neck.

he laughed back. “i had a lot saved, since there were moments i could tell you were kind of uncomfortable. i didn’t want to force you into talking about it either, so i just waited. tried to figure out what i was going to say. it had to be good.. you are one of my closest friends, after all.”

both of you embraced each other a little tighter. “i hope all of this helped, i want you to live here with none of those worries. especially after so many months of having it bottled inside.”

you nodded in response.

today.. today will be the day i tell everyone not to use what they used to call me; that won’t do at all anymore.

today, i’ll tell everyone my name.

[ichayalovesyou]

TOS Crew-Phobias

Been thinking about And The Children Shall Lead and how the kids play on everyone’s inner Beast, and trying to decipher what fears each crew member may have based on what the children made them do and see.

The asterisk means it’s either an approximation because their fear is too specific, or if they had this fear they’ve since developed means of coping

James Kirk: Autophobia

Autophobia: Fear of being alone

I feel like this one’s pretty obvious. People tend to make the argument that the Enterprise (the ship itself) is Kirk’s overpowering true love, but I don’t think that’s it. It’s more the friends and the life that he’s made within The Enterprise that he’s terrified of losing. Some of the places we see Jim at his most upset and afraid in the series are when he feels he’s been abandoned or is forcibly (and seemingly permanently) separated from the crew. How visibly upset he is on the empty Enterprise in This Side of Paradise and The Mark of Gideon, lashing out at Spock when the crew reluctantly relieves him of duty in The Deadly Years, and his deep resentment toward Deela when she kidnaps him in Wink of An Eye. This is also further reinforced by his actions in Star Trek: The Motion Picture & The Search for Spock. He’s also one of the two characters (the other being Sulu) where his fear counts as an actual phobia and not a hypothetical phobia, ingrained personality trait, or symptom of Neurodivergence.

S’chn T’gai Spock: *OCD (fear of losing control)

Obsessive Compulsive Disorder: Obsessive thoughts that lead to repetitive actions.

If anything what we might perceive as OCD-like (or at least Neurodivergent) behavior may be typical of the Vulcan condition. I don’t think Spock has OCD, or at least I don’t know enough about it to say for sure, but what came up whenever I looked up “fear of hurting others/losing control” it came up without fail. While we don’t actually get to see whatever is making Spock’s hand tremble, momentarily defy orders and act as though everything is fine. I think we can surmise that his Beast convinced him that following the order would somehow hurt Jim or that he would be possessed/controlled to do so. Operation: Annihilate, Amok Time, Plato’s Stepchildren and essentially Spock’s whole character arc prove this to be true.

Bones: *Hyper-Empathy/Thanatophobia

Thanatophobia: Fear of death, dying, watching others die and/or others watching you die

There is a headcanon that Dr. McCoy is autistic with the hyper-empathy symptom, meaning he has a really hard time watching others suffer. This may have been the reason he became a doctor in the first place, or became worse/was triggered by his father’s death. While not technically a phobia and we don’t see Bones face his Beast in ATCSL. Evidence from other episodes supports this, Miri, Metamorphosis, Plato’s Stepchildren, The Empath, and For The World is Hollow & I Have Touched The Sky all heavily support this.

Scotty-Astrophobia

Astrophobia: Fear of getting lost or dying in space

Seems like kind of a ridiculous fear for someone who builds, maintains, and lives starships to have right? Maybe, but if that is something he’s deeply afraid of, it would make his surpassing ability to make certain the ship doesn’t explode despite impossible odds make plenty of sense. I don’t think it’s space itself that freaks Scotty out, it’s the idea of being stuck out there and/or suffering the cold and grizzly death that is getting sucked out into space does. So he does everything in his power to ensure that never happens. Out of all the supporting characters, the events of the episode that sparked this post aside, Scotty seems to have the best handle on his fear, the most condemning evidence that he’s got Astrophobia occurs later in season 3. He freezes up in the Jeffrey’s Tube during delicate work in That Which Survives. As well as telling his love interest that being bone deep afraid that you’re going to die in the cold vacuum of space is a perfectly normal thing to constantly think about in Lights of Zetar. Still, he is uncommonly steely-eyed and level headed whenever he has the con, even in the face of his fear. I used to theorize that maybe he was afraid of failure/imperfection, but Scotty’s Jerry-Rigs and Duct-tape way of doing things doesn’t lend itself to that idea. What stuck out to me was his comment “we’ll all be lost, forever lost!” in And The Children Shall Lead that made me think Astrophobia would be a good fit.

Nyota Uhura-Nosophobia

Nosophobia: Fear of contracting deadly disease

Uhura’s fear seems to be dying a slow and painful death by disease, one where she is irrevocably physically/mentally altered by her suffering. There’s evidence for this when she sees the appeal of immortality in I, Mudd, and that she’s scared she’ll end up like Chekov in The Tholian Web. Nosophobia is not hypochondria (convincing yourself that you have a disease/compulsively self-diagnosing) or germaphobia (extreme fear of germs and sickness). Nosophobia is more long term, an irrational fear of things like cancer and Alzheimer’s and other such conditions as well as potentially deadly viruses. It seems to me that if Uhura were to die she’d rather it be quick and painless rather than endure that sort of battle.

Hikaru Sulu-Cleithrophobia

Cleithrophobia: Fear of being trapped

Again, someone I thought maybe was afraid of failure (afraid of failing by destroying the ship with the swords in ATCSL) before I picked up on a very interesting pattern I noticed from The Corbomite Maneuver. Sulu gets really fatalistic and/or agitated when it seems like he’s trapped with no way out. He hyper fixates on the countdown when their trapped and condemned to destruction by Balok in The Corbomite Maneuver, he makes dark jokes while trapped and freezing to death on the planet from The Enemy Within. He seizes up instead of fleeing or fighting the Law Givers in Return if The Archons, and even panics a little when they’re trapped by the giant hand in Who Mourns For Adonais (and usually Sulu is insanely chill under pressure). Cleithrophobia gets confused with Claustrophobia often, but Celthrophobia has much more emphasis on the trapped and no way out elements than just enclosed spaces. So him being terrified by being unable to move because it’s surrounded by swords actually makes a lot of sense! Honestly, I find it uniquely fitting that a flyboy with an enthusiasm for growing things would be agitated by places that do not allow growth or flight.

Pavel Chekov-Proditophobia (in reverse)

Proditophobia: Fear of betrayal

Proditophobia is the fear of being betrayed, but there is more evidence to suggest that Pavel is waaaaay more terrified of betraying or being disloyal rather than being the victim of that action. There’s certainly evidence for it in both The Trouble with Tribbles and Day of The Dove, where he is driven to act out violently on the behalf of those he feels deep loyalty towards, in his head, allowing someone else’s reputation to be trashed counts as disloyalty. And The Children Shall Lead also shows us, at least at this point in Chekov’s character development, he feels more loyalty to Starfleet than the Enterprise crew (something that certainly changes/evolves by the time the movies roll around). The case might even have been that he was all bark and no bite and really wasn’t actually going to kill his Captain or mentor, he was just hoping they’d believe him so that they’d go peacefully and he wouldn’t have to worry about betraying Starfleet at all. I used to think maybe he feared punishment or retribution, but he’d never break any rules if that were the case, and if I know anything about this feral gremlin of an Ensign, he’ll do that in a split second if someone questions his loyalty.

[ticklygiggles]

Obey Me! N$FW Headcanons!

Written with @otomiya-tickles

Oh goodness, sweet Ginny and I are way too invested on these boys! We've been talking about the Obey Me boys' virginity and masturbating likings, and we decided to post these bunch of naughty hc’s. We hope you enjoy them~

Diavolo

We think this sweet looking guy has fucked at least once (don’t let him fool you, he’s fucked more than that)

We also think it can be because he was feeling horny and wanted to satisfy his needs or because he wanted something in return

When it comes to masturbating - he’s a shameless one

He’d go to the bathroom before a meeting or in the middle of the day to jerk off!

Goes back fresh as a lettuce, uf

One of Diavolo's fantasies is having someone looking at him while he masturbates!

He also has very sensitive nipples, you can’t change our minds

We think that when it comes to sex, Diavolo wouldn’t enjoy it as much if he’s not doing it with someone he loves

He’d just do it for some regular sexual thrill, but nothing too exciting

All for the dick, lololololol

Lucifer

Oh goodness, we think he wouldn’t be that interested about sex, but he’s up to do it if he feels the need!

We dare to say that he’d try to please Diavolo if he’s asked to, just like in our tickle hc’s!

L: “Fine. *sigh* if you must… Can I refuse?” D: “Noooo!!!” L: “Alright,, but make it quick” D: “I will, I will!!!”

Something like that, lolololololol

But sometimes when he sees how happy the other person gets he might smile a little (which is just too charming), or when he makes the other person feel real good

He will have a satisfied smirk

We think he’d be the pickiest little shit out there when it comes to choose a sex partner

He just won’t have sex with anyone! It doesn’t matter if they’re the most beautiful being alive, if there’s something he doesn’t like, then he won’t have sex with them!

Unlike Simeon, he’s not that flirty and doesn’t tease much, but of course he’d be so hard to get!

Both in ship and non-ship case, we think he’ll help Diavolo fulfill his sexual needs, but other than that he seems a very hard one to lay a hand on!

We thiiink Diavolo would make him watch while he masturbates, huhu

And Diavolo would be like “Touch my nipples?” and of course, Lucifer can’t deny him

We also think that since the MC manages to win him over, he just has the sexual hots for them!

We think Lucifer wouldn’t be horny for celestial beings since he wants nothing to do with heavenly things!

He knows and acknowledges angels are attractive but somehow horny is just not in his book

Unless with the one he really likes then he can be a beast xD

Omg, Lucifer banned the word Sex in the House of Lamentation, hahaha!

He really doesn’t like his brothers talking about sex. He’s just not interested in their sexual lives!

The horny bunch got their own chat room to talk about their nasty sex xD

Be it Mammon or Asmo talking about it (they both do it a lot) or they making remarks about Levi jerking off to things (Levi is flustered)

Those kinds of talks are not appreciated by almighty Lucifer

Asmodeus

Of course you won’t expect the Avatar of Lust to be a virgin, right? Because he is not!

He’d have sex with anyone attractive and that wants to have sex with him!

He’s also on the top of the masturbation list

Kinky bastard

Oh goodness, we think Asmo and Mammon have horny competitions like “how many times can you cum in one night?” or “how many times can you make your partner cum in one night?”

Actually these competitions were one of the reason talking about sex is banned in the House of Lamentation

Lucifer was like “Enough, you nasty pigs!” With that offended expression (you should know which one): wide eyes, a little gasp, a hand against his chest, yes. He’s pissed

Beelzebub

We think Beel is too busy with his food to notice that he has sexual needs

… Unless he’s making out with his S/O, then he realizes how needy he is!

He also likes to use his mouth! Be it nibbling, sucking, biting, licking, just everything!

He will eat the other person and make teasy remarks that they taste good!

He’s not necessarily kinky, but anything that includes food is a bonus for him!

Like whipped cream on his partner’s body or flavour oils!

We think Beel would come up to his s/o with his happy smile holding up a new flavour oil like “I got this. Let’s use it tonight!”

We also think he’d be so good at kissing (and blowjobs) because he uses his tongue a lot!

He’s an expert with his mouth. Just him kissing and sucking a neck can make a person weak already!

Barbatos

He’s also fucked before, so no Royal Virgins

We think he’s so into blowjobs and handjobs (mostly receiving)

He hardly ever jerked himself off, he will let others do it, omg!

He’s also so kinky: humiliating his partner, spanking, bondage, he’s up to everything

He's pretty resilient tho, like he can do a lot without getting hard yet hahaha!

Simeon

We have no shame. Where’s the fun if our hot angel is not in these hc’s?

We think Simeon is the candy everyone would want but can’t get!

Honestly, this man doesn’t need to be naked to turn people on!

He’s sexy and hot and hard to get, so he might please others sometimes

He doesn’t get touched or fucked easily because he’s definitely “keeping himself” for the person he loves!

He’ll give someone a handjob, but then the other person wants to do something back to him and he’s like “Naaaah” *graciously leaves*

We think he wouldn’t use his mouth on someone else, though, so he’d be like “Hmm? I can give you a hand job”, while he does a very dirty move with his hand, ay

He’s also extremely skilled at it! Like??? How?!

He’s also a tease!

He’d say things like “oh goodness, you’re so wet. Does it feel that good~?”

And it’s so frustrating because he doesn’t get hard! Only for the person he loves, fufu

Leviathan

It’s a dirty Otaku, no kidding LOL

We think he fantasizes, watches (you know what) and jerks off a lot

However, when it comes down to it he's shy and awkward

Definitely knows how to touch himself, but having someone touching him and/or touching someone???

Levi. exe has stopped working

He’s super subby and likes being told what to do, but he’s also cute and clumsy!

We think Levi is into many nasty things lolololol

As a dirty otaku he's seen a lot of things including the kinky shit: bondage SM/ tentacle sex (lolllll) so not really vanilla x'D he's just shy to ask or suggest anything

But he does get super hard whenever someone is dominant over him

He's definitely curious about all things he's seen, but he's way way too shy!

We think he probably just sends screenshots of the things he'd like to do and his partner is like "you want that? We can do it~"

We also think that he's jerked off so much and he knows how to please himself so well that it's a bit hard for him to come!

Like he needs a lot of pleasure and build up and other turn ons (like the kinky shit), and lots of verbal teasing to get him over the edge

Levi just needs a lot of stimulation, even though he is a virgin!

We also think he apologizes so much during sex! He’d be apologizing through all his moans and cries sdnjdsg

Like he will apologize if he doesnt come and then when he does come all over the other person he will apologize too haha

He's kinda into edging/denial? Like it takes a lot of time to make him cum, so it'd frustrate him so much if they stop when he's finally so close!

And he loves it when the other punishes him, like he doesn't necessarily act like a brat or something to be punished but he gets it on him anyway and when he does,it’s such a turn on for him haha!

He'd probably like to be spanked, but nothing too intense because he's baby

Levi usually talks SO much, so we think his dom can often tease him with that! Like “where are your big talks now~?”

To which Levi makes very courageous remarks like "don't touch me, normie" between moans and broken voice and his partner just "*spank* how did you call me?”

We think the whole concept of sex just changes him into this cute shy boy who's only had much experience with porn and fantasies

So he goes from the HOOOOOH loud Levi to just cute mewls, moans and apologies hahaha

We also think that he’d get ticklish when touched for the first tiiime, he’s so nervous and jumpy! Imagine him letting out this moany surprised giggles asjnd

He's also so ripped! He'd get flustered if you comment about his muscles!

His partner could be like "look how good your body is even if you're just an otaku staying inside all day long" and Levi is like "so meeaaan!!" All teary but his cock’s jumping skdjnff

While we do think Levi takes long to cum, he DOEs get hard pretty fast hahahaha

like maybe even when he's not fully undressed yet the bulge will already be visible!

We love cute kinky submissive dirty otaku boy >:)

Solomon

He’s kinky, HAHA

A top tease! Like 24/7 smug and teasy and he will make the receiver beg and ask for it and play dumb like "What do you want? You'll have to be specific."

He’s also very hard to please!

Like even to get him hard it’s hard xD he's enjoying his time with his s/o, but he's skdkf not hard!!

He can endure a lot without getting horny but he just loves to watch a person get weak under his touch

We think even when he's on the receiving end, he gets all teasy and constantly challenges the other, like “is that all you got? 8-) You gotta try harder~”

We also think he can control himself a lot! Like he can hold his orgasms for quite a long time and be like "I’m not even close~"

He rarely jerks off because he's not that entertained by it, he just needs someone to tease and make crazy haha

We love the idea of almighty Solomon getting overpowered by an even higher top!

We don't think he will ever 'break completely' and beg or do anything uncool but he'll definitely have less of an attitude once taken good care of

He’d be like "o-okay that's... That's enough" and his partner all like "huh? We're just starting, Solomon, so keep yourself together" while he blushes a lot!

He sounds so hot when he moans and gasps! His voice is a hidden treasure!

And once he finally DOES reach his orgasm his entire body gets sooo sensitive!

He'd be a whiny mess if his partner brushes their fingertips or nails against his skin!

He'd squirm so much and maybe let out a whiny giggle????

Belphegor

Belphie can be both genuine and teasy at the same time like "Does it feel good?"

He often needs confirmation and he often says things like "I'm inexperienced" or "I'm not sure how to do this" but he tries his best anyway

And besides saying things like "I'm inexperienced, I'm not sure what to dooo" he might say things like "Beel probably knows what to do." and he adorably tends to mention beel and the receiver will have to be like x3 omg no belphie you're doing fine

He'd be a little lazy to please his partner xD like he tries his best, but after he's like "I'm tired" and he wants to be taken care of!

He tends to get overwhelmed pretty fast by pleasure so he might ask the other to stop even when his body doesn't want it to stop but he's just like PSPHHgailugigh

He probably comes too fast the first times he has sex with his partner! He maybe just cums when they play with his nipples because he’s that sensitive!

He is so sensitive and his moans are so cute and whiny

We think he might be sore the next day xD he will complain a lot about being sore and tired haha

His body also gets tired fast during any intercourse, even though he does feel good and enjoys it, he will whine and whimper about it haha

He’d like to find little hickeys on his neck, chest or thighs the next day too!

He’s also very sensitive to neck kisses, probably enough to already stimulate him sexually since he’s so sensitive!

His little moans would be the cutest! And if he gets to make the other party feel good, he will show his precious smile!

Satan

We think Satan wouldn't be too interested in sex, (he spends his time trying to be better than Lucifer skdndnd)

BUT we also think that he reads erotic books every once in a while and like those book don't necessarily turn him on per say, but make him feel blushy and a bit giddy about having someone to enjoy sexy times with!

He'd be quite knowledgeable and a bit shy like “I read that this feels good, may I?” He is not like super horny but he likes to experiment a bit and is just so sweet 😍👏🏻

He's got skills to make his partner feel good, but he'd be so, so blushy and would feel flustered if his partner compliments him about how good he is!

ALSO! Someone should not mention Lucifer in any competitive matter because that might activate his hidden beast

When he's receiving, he tries to hold himself back so much! Like his moans and any noises!

He just wants to hide how sensitive he really is!

His s/o would be a little pouty like "are you not liking it?" and he just adorably nods but he keeps controlling himself as much as possible hehe

And sometimes a cute little moan escapes and he blushes so much omg

Also he has super sensitive nipples, if he gets touched there he'd be arching his back so much and would cover his mouth with one of his hands to hold back his sounds and would grip the sheets with his free hand!! He'd be all beggy like "please don't touch me there~" while his hips circle and thrust because it feels so good!

We think bondage will work really good on him since he tends to squirm a lot and cover up. He’s so helpless if he can’t!

He'd be pulling at his restrains and biting his lip so hard and begging for his s/o to let him go (even though he can escape on his own), and they're just teasing him

He’d also get extra sensitive if he’s being edged, like everytime they deny him his release, he'd just feel more and more sensitive and eventually won't be able to stop his sounds!

Satan begs a lot and he whines adorably but he’ll never say a safe word or give up

Satan being like this makes us want to wreck him!

We think he'd get a bit turned on if his s/o brush their fingers against his sides and he’d be so shy if he lets out a little giggle here and there!

"don't- don't tihihickle me right nohohow!" And his cock is shaking dkdnf

He’s also the type to get ticklish and super sensitive everywhere especially after an orgasm

And his giggles and moans are so cuuute and he sounds tired and whiny and he shakes his head adorably omg

His cheeks super red babyyyyyy

Mammon (tumblr didn't let me upload a pic, wtf?)

He’s a beast! Will have no mercy, so brace yourself!

To be fair, he’s really good in sex, so he loves praises! Compliments stimulate him. He needs to hear how good he is!

What can you expect from the Avatar of Greed, right?

He’s the typical guy to run after his dick, lololol! He’s all about money and sex!

We think he gets horny and hard in the most uncomfortable moments. He gets so many boners a day wtf

Even his brothers just stare awkwardly at his crotch… “wait… are you hard? o_O”

We also think he loves receiving blowjobs and he loooves to hold his partner by their hair!

He’s a passionate mouth fucker

He probably feels a bit vulnerable when people touch him elsewhere like, he just wants the attention for his dick!

And he might be sensitive somewhere else but he doens't quite like to be touched unless it's his love haha

He's really picky! Like if he's with someone else, then it's just dick attention, but if it's the person he loves, then they'd let him touch him everywhere!

He's a bit less casual about it than Diavolo, but he does jerk off from time to time and people will be able to tell from the look on his face haha

And he doesn't like to be confronted and teased with it, while Diavolo won’t give a shit

However, Asmo would tease him so much just because he knows Mammon hates that!

He’d be like "woah! Did you have a good one, Mammon~?" or “what did you think of mammoonnn?<3”

Also Asmo and maybe even the others might make some remarks like "Ugh, Mammon would jerk off to this"

Probably besides Asmo he might have some arguments with Levi from time to time, like Mammon's a nasty perv normie and Levi the dirty otaku

Levi would probably agree whenever someone's like “ugh Mammon would jerk off to this” or any other remark like “oh, he probably just gonna suck on his own dick!

And mammon will fire back at Levi for being a dirty otaku

We also think that Mammon has walked into Levi's room when he was watching anime porn hahaha

Mammon thinks his own porn is superior and Levi is like "that normie stuff is gross, this is way better" so Mammon ends up watching hentai with Levi xD

Also if people ever need condoms he probably has a good stash. He's really picky, so of course he'd have his stash of condoms! We're not risking anything here hahaha

It’s hard to Dom him, like he’s not super Dom, but he likes to be the possessive one!

He also might have a lot of kink stuff stored but in the end he just doesn't end up using it?

He would like to be kinky but in the end he just has normal sex

He’s also easy to distract! Like he's super horny and has the handcuffs or something else kinky ready, but the other person just can give him a blow job and let him fuck them and then it's done and he's like ohh oh well

He'd also be a bit turned off easily, like, he's still hard and all, but at then he ends up having sex just because, but he's bored, but if he's turned ON he can stay turned on for quite a while haha hes a beast!

Like fuck after fuck even after he comes! He likes it raw and he loves to hear his partner whining so much about how they just came too

He also likes to hear his partner saying just how tired they are and he'd give them this wide, lethal smirk and be like "we're just starting, so put yourself together"

And he's sweating a bit and his cheeks are a bit flushed and his skin just glooowwsss because he's feeling so good!

We also think Mammon is not too loud when having sex, he’s just not a moaner, but he will grunt and huff and occasionally you'll hear this kind of growl that just proves how good it makes him feel

[liloelsagranger]

Night shift - finally a new Rocketshipping-fanfiction

My dear friends,

it’s been a while since I last posted an entry. Let me tell you why and what, besides Covid-19, made me pause from publishing fanfictions over the last couple of months. Of course, Switzerland was very affected by the pandemic and still is today. We had numerous lock-downs or as Swiss people call it “slow downs”. My mother got very sick last year, I almost lost her. The doctors said she would only live two or three more days, but my mom is a fighter. She had to stay at the hospital for months, she endured countless medical examinations, had to take meds and slowly learned to live again. I’m so proud of my mother that she was strong and determined to get better. When she turned back home, I started to take care of her and I hate to leave her on her own, even if we’re talking about half an hour or less. Right now, she’s doing quite good, actually, we’re on vacation and she makes a great effort to participate in life in Italy. She’s my role-model! She will never be the same as before, but she won’t give up, she wakes up every morning to make progress. I prayed for her and her well-being, I prayed every single night she might get another chance and now we’re here at the beach and dining in fancy restaurants. It’s been a horrible year for everyone, a year full of sorrow, tears and desperation, a year where I was constantly afraid, the hospital would call me with some bad news, but she did it! She survived and she fights for her life! So proud! Good news is: I passed my doctoral exams and I’m officially allowed to call myself Dr. phil. des. Melanie C. but that won’t ever stop me from loving Team Rocket so here it is - a brand new Rocketshipping-fanfiction for you guys. LOVE YOU! Night shift

Chapter 1:

It was past ten o’clock when that miserable looking guy entered the diner. He inconspicuously sat down in the farthest corner of the café and immediately hid his face behind the menu card. Nevertheless, Jessie the waitress could make out the pathetic expression on his face, how he was cowering like a whipped dog. She had seen quite a bit in this diner. Drunks, thugs, addicts and other needy people who asked for a sympathetic ear, compassion and understanding, but that guy was different. He suffered terribly, but did not dare to communicate, instead he hid from the world so as not to attract attention and quietly endure his fate. Jessie had to do something about it. Of course, she didn’t want to play the Good Samaritan. She knew the tricks of the men who entered this diner. Most of the time, they told the waitress tall tales, hoping to be comforted, whatever they meant by that. But this young man did not make a shady impressionHe was well dressed, looked well-groomed, and Jessie was especially struck by his bright emerald green eyes, the only thing in his face that had not yet been veiled by grief and sorrow. She decided to do something about his displeasure.

“Did you have a rough day?” she asked while disinfecting the table.

He looked briefly into her eyes and nodded. “That’s one way to put it,” he answered, the gaze immediately lowered again.

This would be a taciturn conversation, but Jessie didn’t give up easily, she was a natural at making even rocks talk.

“Listen! No matter what happened, I’ve seen or heard some things. If I can help you in any way, my name is Jessie and I’m in charge of this table today. Let me just get the gum out from under your seat and get you a cold drink. What would you like?” She pulled a spatula from her apron and rubbed away the remains of the spoiled brats that marred her diner.

‘Wow,’ the young man thought to himself. ‘A strong, self-confident woman who lends a hand herself and who’s not above cleaning up dirt.’ Their eyes met briefly, and he forced a wry smile.

“You know, kid. You can’t rely on anyone. If you want to get everything done, do it yourself and don’t trust anyone. This world doesn’t give you anything for granted!” She briefly wiped the back of his chair before disappearing behind the counter and pouring the young man an ice-cold Coke.

“I have rarely seen you so concerned about a customer. Normally you show yourself aloof and only take the order, so as not to get involved in embarrassing conversations. Must be a really great pike, this pathetic creature in the far corner. Could it be that you’ve got a tiny crush on this guy?” For Eddy, teasing his best friend was the greatest pleasure. He didn’t know her like that. Jessie usually resisted any kind of small talk. This was due to her dark past, when she had repeatedly fallen for advances from men who were never looking for a steady relationship, but for a quick fix. Eddy had witnessed this bad time of his friend, how her heart was broken, how she was badly played with, and how she was simply dropped like a hot potato. Jack was the worst example of them all. While Jessie was already hearing the wedding bells ringing, he was making love to the women of the Strip and deceiving Jessie night after night with other broads. Jessie was devastated when she found out Jack was cheating on her. She was furious, not even at her lying boyfriend, but at herself for having been so stupid as to trust a man.

Jessie gave Eddy a light pat on the head. “Don’t be silly! That time is over. I can take care of myself, I don’t need male support for that. I’m a big girl, I make my own dough, and I keep my head above water pretty well. No, not a chance, I’ve sworn off flirting.” Nevertheless, she caught herself as her gaze wandered to the young man in the corner. “Oh yes, this time is definitely over,” Eddy smirked.

“Jessie, could you bring us a side of fries, please?” Misty’s order echoed throughout the hall. The twenty-year old waved her hands. She was used to speaking loudly, almost shouting, to attract guests to her daily water Pokémon show. Sometimes she walked up and down the streets of the Strip all day in the blazing hot sun, trying to win people for her underwater attraction. As an excellent student, she could have taught at any college, but she had decided early on to get into show business and make her living doing what she really loved, joined by Dewgong and Starmie. Her parents had not agreed with this decision at all, it was wasted talent, they had claimed, and had summarily turned Misty out the door. Since then, she had been struggling through life on her own, but could always count on Jess, the diner and her two best friends, Ash and Brock, young people who were also not favoured by fate.

“Temper your voice, twerp!” Jessie couldn’t help but grin. She spread the ketchup bottles around the table, hoping Ash wouldn’t spill on himself and the diner again. His constant companion Pikachu immediately hopped on his shoulder, grabbed a fry and popped it in his mouth. Ash and his Pokémon were carnies. He had trained his friend well and attracted many spectators with his performance. Most of them felt sorry for the guy and tipped generously. That’s why Ash was able to invite his friends to the diner every night, a place that gave them hope where they could experience security. They were convinced that nothing would ever disturb this idyll and that fate, for better or worse, had taken its course.

“Who’s that guy over there?” Brock wanted to know. He had barely sold chocolate and roses tonight. The others held back, but they were certain that their friend was just too pushy with women and that’s why he only collected rejections instead of green bills.

“I’ve never seen him here before. Must be from another area. I can’t tell you for the life of me why he’s wearing a suit at theses temperatures, he looks pretty pathetic to me anyways,” Jessie replied.

“Maybe his car has stalled,” Ash suggested, “and now he was forced to wander through the desert until the tasty aromas from your diner brought him back from his delirium.”

“Or,” Brock interfered, “he had to flee his own wedding because his wife is a real pain in the ass, unlike our sweet Misty,” Brock oohed at his friend. “Forget it, Brock! You and me, this will never happen!” She gave him a gentle poke.

“Enough now with your naïve speculations! Just let him enjoy his drink. We’re closing soon, so get going,” Jessie dismissed their absurd ideas with a wave of her hand, but at this point no one knew how right Brock was.

Dark thoughts hunted the young man. He knew what he would face at home if he was late. Beatings, torture, rebuke, harassment, were just a few words to describe his failed relationship. Unconsciously, he stroked his scarred arms.

“Can I get you something to eat?” Jessie pulled him out of the maelstrom of bad thoughts, of course she had noticed the wounds, but maybe he had gotten those injuries at work. The young man rummaged some coins out of his pants and let them jingle on the table. “Is that enough for a cheese sandwich?” Jessie hated small change, but she would make an exception for him. A friendly smile, a quick nod, and she passed on the order.

“Something’s wrong with this guy,” she whispered to Eddy. “He’s scarred, bruised and pays with penny coins. Possibly a vagrant.” Eddy couldn’t help but grin. “That guy’s been keeping you busy all night, Jess. What’s the matter with you? Are you getting weak?”

The young man could not overhear the conversation between the waiters, but he was sure they were talking about him. He sure made a rather frightening impression, but that was a private matter and not something you shared with a waitress in a diner.

His gaze drifted to the daily paper, which had two faces emblazoned on it: Butch and Cassidy. He had never heard of this odd couple, but according to the news, theses two were causing quite a stir and were terrifying the Strip.

“Oh, so you’ve already spotted them, those two knuckleheads! They keep the Strip in suspense, and heads roll when the taxes don’t add up,” Jessie served him the cheese sandwich and gave him a slight smile.

“Can I get you anything else?” He thanked her and took a hearty bite of his dinner.

The last half hour flew by and the remaining guests left the diner to spend the night on the Strip, as very few had a roof over their heads. Jessie set about cleaning up and Eddy checked the register.

The young man stood up and made his way towards the door. But before he left the diner, he glanced back at Jessie for a moment. A sigh escaped him. What if…?

Jessie returned his gaze and watched him go until the young man disappeared. She walked right up to his table and found a little note on the receipt.

“Thanks for treating me like a human being, James.” 

[gra-sonas]

Just as her character Maria DeLuca was being challenged on Roswell, New Mexico (blame the alien Jones, played by Nathan Dean), Heather Hemmens was as well (blame the weather), stepping behind the camera to direct the September 6 episode, “Goodnight, Elizabeth.”

“It was one of those moments where you’re challenged to do time management beyond the hours in a day, but it was a really, really great experience for me that taught me a lot of skills that now that I’ve done it, I can take forward and conquer with,” Hemmens tells TV Insider of the experience.

“[It] came about from hours and hours and hours of shadowing behind the scenes, directing short films, so this was years of preparation meeting opportunity for me,” she continues. “It really was a great time to grow within the show especially behind the camera. So I’m really excited to do that on my home court.”

Heading into the episode, Maria remains in a coma after her encounter with Jones (not Max, also played by Dean, as they’d all thought). But at least everyone knows who they’re really dealing with now… right? That doesn’t mean it’ll be easy to stop him.

Below, Hemmens talks directing — she’ll helm another episode later in Season 4 — before previewing the rest of the season and Maria’s slightly reckless behavior.

Where does this episode find Maria in her fight against Jones?

Heather Hemmens: We find them very well matched where she has unexpectedly met him in the mindscape, but she is holding onto her powers for dear life. Right now she’s just buying time until she can outsmart him. They’re very well-matched because Maria’s strong-minded and determined and she’s just as good as Jones as evil, so it’s going to be an epic battle between them.

What’s everyone else up to now that they know they haven’t been talking to Max, but to Jones?

Heather Hemmens:  Everyone is frantically searching around for the real Jones and trying to stop him from whatever he’s set out to do. It’s a really fun storyline where the Scooby-Doo gang is setting up traps and different schemes to try and get ahead of Jones’ agenda. At the same time, they’re trying to receive psychic messages from Maria, helping them figure out what his motives are and also to help them get her out of this coma. This all is going to culminate with showdowns and explosions and big reveals that people who have been watching the show for years will never see coming. And it’s just going to be jaw-dropping turns that will take us into the rest of the storyline for the season.

There is quite a bit going on in this episode – the Jones storyline, Alex [Tyler Blackburn] is trying to get answers, Rosa’s [Amber Midthunder] still figuring things out about herself. What were your favorite and the most challenging scenes to direct?

My favorite scenes were Rosa and Isobel [Lily Cowles] in the cave where they have a real sisterhood bonding moment. That was such a joy just to have a scene where it wasn’t about special effects or anything sinister. It was just about two women connecting and having this great dialogue. It was really just such a joy to work with both of those actors, who are my close friends, and we had a lot of fun with that.

One of the more challenging scenes is this showdown. There’s so much going on. There’s a bunch of characters in the scene. There are explosions, special effects, all kinds of things happening, and it felt like a major movie set. It was really, really fun to film and we got rain right in the middle of it. We ended up being more crunched for time than I was supposed to have, and I was just really happy that I had prepared for that day in a way that I was able to still finish one of the most important scenes of the episode without having to sacrifice.

The scenes that I was in as an actor had special effects in them. And I also had to make time to watch playback and spend an hour and a half in hair and makeup before I got into director mode. So those were also challenges that I was happy to explore, that new skill set for myself, and just try to enjoy it along the way.

Speaking of great scenes with two women this season, one of my favorite relationships right now is Maria and Isobel’s. Are we going to continue to see more of those two together?

Heather Hemmens:  Absolutely. These two strong women are realizing that they’re even stronger together. They have such a fun dynamic. They have witty banter and they have great ideas and they also still have that competitiveness that makes them really fun to watch. I’m happy for the storyline and for the characters that the catty nature of their relationship has been overcome and now we’re into seeing two empowered women support each other. I just think that’s a really beautiful dynamic, and we’re going to see a lot more of it throughout the season.

It seems like Gregory [Tanner Novlan] has adapted pretty well to everything going on in Roswell. What can you say about his and Maria’s relationship?

Heather Hemmens:  I think the reason that Maria loves hanging out with Gregory is that he’s so easygoing. He has taken everything in stride. He’s been a support system. He’s been a really warm presence and just a good friend throughout all of this and Maria really needed a rock. He’s very stable. So I think that is the initial attraction and it could be budding into something romantic. I think it’s at a good starting point in friendship to be able to grow into that. … He may be crushing a little bit harder than her at the moment. But I think when he’s showing his true colors that he really cares for her and he has her back when she’s not well, that could go over pretty good with Maria when she catches wind of it.

We saw how far Maria was willing to go to trigger another vision earlier in the season, and she’s in a coma right now because she couldn’t sit and not do anything. Will we continue to see her push herself to or beyond her limits?

Heather Hemmens:  Absolutely. Maria is now on her own journey with her alien powers and with this alien storyline, whereas in the past seasons, we’ve seen her really supporting the other characters’ experience of this. Now she is on a rampage to fulfill her own destiny and discover what that is for her powers, so she’s willing to go pretty far to figure it out. I think she feels that no matter what the danger brings, she can’t not know.

I love Maria and everything she’s doing this season, but at the same time, I’m like, where’s your sense of self-preservation?

Heather Hemmens:  Yeah, she’s gotten a little bit reckless because she’s in dire need of answers. I think sometimes the hardest thing in life is not knowing and that can outweigh the expense of any maybe physical harm that she can endure and survive. But the most important thing to her is just having those questions answered that constantly plague her mind.

Everything’s building up to this funeral with the Valenti crest on the coffin. What can you tease about that funeral and what we’re going to see going forward?

Heather Hemmens:  It’s one of those mysteries that everybody comes together as a group because not only do they all care about who could be in the coffin, but it could be them. They still have no clarity that any of them is safe, and so in order to protect themselves, they also have to protect each other. That’s just one of the more lovely storylines that bonds them all, this group effort to keep everybody safe.

How certain can we be of anything that we’ve seen in those visions?

Heather Hemmens:  I’d say that they present accurately, but hindsight is 20/20. So just because they’re presenting accurately doesn’t mean that the supporting evidence doesn’t change the dynamic.

What else can you preview about the rest of the season and how it’s going to set up next season?

Heather Hemmens:  This Jones character is very determined to wreak havoc, so he’s not going away, and they’re going to have to battle it out with him for the next chapter of this story. They find different ways to do that and each character comes in to fight that beast. That’s a really, really fun storyline that plays out. And we’re gonna dig a little bit more into Maria’s family history as well and how it connects to everyone else and how it gets specific with this day in time that Jones is trying to find a memory for. Maria has a very big role in whether or not he gets that that piece of information he’s searching for.

[roswellnmsource]

‘Roswell, New Mexico’: Heather Hemmens on Directing, Why Maria & Jones Are ‘Very Well Matched’

Just as her character Maria DeLuca was being challenged on Roswell, New Mexico (blame the alien Jones, played by Nathan Dean), Heather Hemmens was as well (blame the weather), stepping behind the camera to direct the September 6 episode, “Goodnight, Elizabeth.”

“It was one of those moments where you’re challenged to do time management beyond the hours in a day, but it was a really, really great experience for me that taught me a lot of skills that now that I’ve done it, I can take forward and conquer with,” Hemmens tells TV Insider of the experience.

“[It] came about from hours and hours and hours of shadowing behind the scenes, directing short films, so this was years of preparation meeting opportunity for me,” she continues. “It really was a great time to grow within the show especially behind the camera. So I’m really excited to do that on my home court.”

Heading into the episode, Maria remains in a coma after her encounter with Jones (not Max, also played by Dean, as they’d all thought). But at least everyone knows who they’re really dealing with now… right? That doesn’t mean it’ll be easy to stop him.

Below, Hemmens talks directing — she’ll helm another episode later in Season 4 — before previewing the rest of the season and Maria’s slightly reckless behavior.

Where does this episode find Maria in her fight against Jones?

Heather Hemmens: We find them very well matched where she has unexpectedly met him in the mindscape, but she is holding onto her powers for dear life. Right now she’s just buying time until she can outsmart him. They’re very well-matched because Maria’s strong-minded and determined and she’s just as good as Jones as evil, so it’s going to be an epic battle between them.

What’s everyone else up to now that they know they haven’t been talking to Max, but to Jones?

Everyone is frantically searching around for the real Jones and trying to stop him from whatever he’s set out to do. It’s a really fun storyline where the Scooby-Doo gang is setting up traps and different schemes to try and get ahead of Jones’ agenda. At the same time, they’re trying to receive psychic messages from Maria, helping them figure out what his motives are and also to help them get her out of this coma. This all is going to culminate with showdowns and explosions and big reveals that people who have been watching the show for years will never see coming. And it’s just going to be jaw-dropping turns that will take us into the rest of the storyline for the season.

There is quite a bit going on in this episode – the Jones storyline, Alex [Tyler Blackburn] is trying to get answers, Rosa’s [Amber Midthunder] still figuring things out about herself. What were your favorite and the most challenging scenes to direct?

My favorite scenes were Rosa and Isobel [Lily Cowles] in the cave where they have a real sisterhood bonding moment. That was such a joy just to have a scene where it wasn’t about special effects or anything sinister. It was just about two women connecting and having this great dialogue. It was really just such a joy to work with both of those actors, who are my close friends, and we had a lot of fun with that.

One of the more challenging scenes is this showdown. There’s so much going on. There’s a bunch of characters in the scene. There are explosions, special effects, all kinds of things happening, and it felt like a major movie set. It was really, really fun to film and we got rain right in the middle of it. We ended up being more crunched for time than I was supposed to have, and I was just really happy that I had prepared for that day in a way that I was able to still finish one of the most important scenes of the episode without having to sacrifice.The scenes that I was in as an actor had special effects in them. And I also had to make time to watch playback and spend an hour and a half in hair and makeup before I got into director mode. So those were also challenges that I was happy to explore, that new skill set for myself, and just try to enjoy it along the way.

Speaking of great scenes with two women this season, one of my favorite relationships right now is Maria and Isobel’s. Are we going to continue to see more of those two together?

Absolutely. These two strong women are realizing that they’re even stronger together. They have such a fun dynamic. They have witty banter and they have great ideas and they also still have that competitiveness that makes them really fun to watch. I’m happy for the storyline and for the characters that the catty nature of their relationship has been overcome and now we’re into seeing two empowered women support each other. I just think that’s a really beautiful dynamic, and we’re going to see a lot more of it throughout the season.

It seems like Gregory [Tanner Novlan] has adapted pretty well to everything going on in Roswell. What can you say about his and Maria’s relationship?

I think the reason that Maria loves hanging out with Gregory is that he’s so easygoing. He has taken everything in stride. He’s been a support system. He’s been a really warm presence and just a good friend throughout all of this and Maria really needed a rock. He’s very stable. So I think that is the initial attraction and it could be budding into something romantic. I think it’s at a good starting point in friendship to be able to grow into that. … He may be crushing a little bit harder than her at the moment. But I think when he’s showing his true colors that he really cares for her and he has her back when she’s not well, that could go over pretty good with Maria when she catches wind of it.

We saw how far Maria was willing to go to trigger another vision earlier in the season, and she’s in a coma right now because she couldn’t sit and not do anything. Will we continue to see her push herself to or beyond her limits?

Absolutely. Maria is now on her own journey with her alien powers and with this alien storyline, whereas in the past seasons, we’ve seen her really supporting the other characters’ experience of this. Now she is on a rampage to fulfill her own destiny and discover what that is for her powers, so she’s willing to go pretty far to figure it out. I think she feels that no matter what the danger brings, she can’t not know.

I love Maria and everything she’s doing this season, but at the same time, I’m like, where’s your sense of self-preservation?

Yeah, she’s gotten a little bit reckless because she’s in dire need of answers. I think sometimes the hardest thing in life is not knowing and that can outweigh the expense of any maybe physical harm that she can endure and survive. But the most important thing to her is just having those questions answered that constantly plague her mind.

Everything’s building up to this funeral with the Valenti crest on the coffin. What can you tease about that funeral and what we’re going to see going forward?

It’s one of those mysteries that everybody comes together as a group because not only do they all care about who could be in the coffin, but it could be them. They still have no clarity that any of them is safe, and so in order to protect themselves, they also have to protect each other. That’s just one of the more lovely storylines that bonds them all, this group effort to keep everybody safe.

How certain can we be of anything that we’ve seen in those visions?

I’d say that they present accurately, but hindsight is 20/20. So just because they’re presenting accurately doesn’t mean that the supporting evidence doesn’t change the dynamic.

What else can you preview about the rest of the season and how it’s going to set up next season?

This Jones character is very determined to wreak havoc, so he’s not going away, and they’re going to have to battle it out with him for the next chapter of this story. They find different ways to do that and each character comes in to fight that beast. That’s a really, really fun storyline that plays out. And we’re gonna dig a little bit more into Maria’s family history as well and how it connects to everyone else and how it gets specific with this day in time that Jones is trying to find a memory for. Maria has a very big role in whether or not he gets that that piece of information he’s searching for.

[flightfoot]

Secrets, Lies, and Hope

AO3 Thanks to pjomlb23 for betaing! ----

Alya hummed to herself as she walked, looking at the newest footage some helpful Parisians had sent her of the latest akuma fight. 

Ladybug almost getting hit by the latest akuma, Chat Noir knocking her out of the way just in time, Ladybug casting her Lucky Charm, and the two of them using their superb teamwork to take out the villain - nothing unusual.

Yet everything had changed.

Because that wasn’t just Ladybug - superhero of Paris, her idol, and part-time teammate. It was also Marinette, rising fashion designer, lovestruck teen, and her full-time best friend.

The revelation of Ladybug’s identity and the true source of Marinette’s troubles hadn’t been as much of a surprise as she was expecting. She’d been involved with Ladybug right from the get-go, filming their very first akuma fight against Stoneheart. Over the course of Hawkmoth's reign of terror she’d gotten to know Ladybug as more than a superhero to film from afar, but as a good friend, one who was kind, caring, and clever.

As for Marinette… well, she’d been involved in many of her crazy schemes. Heck, she helped Marinette come up with Operation Secret Garden! Her taking those same schemes to akuma fights wasn’t that much of a stretch.

Her leadership skills as Ladybug weren’t a shocker either. With how calm and collected she’d been during the Darkblade fight, organizing the rest of the class to try to keep them safe, she’d demonstrated those in spades.

Once Marinette confessed, it all came together.

What could she do but give her friend - her friend twice-over in fact - a hug?

After that they’d talked for awhile, Marinette finally getting everything off her chest, for real this time, as well as telling her about some Guardian-related things she hadn’t known about before.

Her theory about there even BEING Guardians was totally correct! Point one for Alya!

She winced. ...And take away a score for hastily posting her theories on the Ladyblog, where anyone - including Hawkmoth - could read them. 

At least now she could tell Ladybug about her theories directly, and who knew - maybe even help her unmask mister Butterfly Butt! She’d already uncovered one Miraculous wielder after all. (Though she doubted Hawkmoth was quite as obviously… well, HAWKMOTH in his civilian life, as Carapace was obviously Nino).

*bump*

“OW!”

“OOOPH!”

Alya collided with someone, getting knocked to the ground. She shook her head, dazed. 

When she looked up, a sheathed fencing foil pointed at her face.

Kagami’s eyes widened as she registered Alya’s face, and that she was not a threat. Immediately she put away her foil. “I am sorry, Alya,” she said, turning away from her briskly.

Alya frowned. Kagami could be pretty standoffish, but she’d been opening up more as she spent time around other kids - especially Adrien. 

But now, she seemed as cold and detached as her initial Ice Queen reputation had suggested.

Something was definitely wrong. 

“Kagami!” 

She stopped, turning her head slightly. “What is it?”

Alya walked over to her. “I just wanted to talk. We’ve seen each other on-and-off and I’d like to get to know you better.”

Kagami turned away, facing forward, pointedly not looking at her. “I am not looking for any more friends.”

She said that last word harshly, venomously.

“Everyone needs friends,” Alya told her gently.

Kagami shook her head. “Not me. Mother was right. It only leads to disappointment - and even more when you try to become lovers”.

Oh.

Marinette was not the only girl suffering from a broken heart it seemed.

“Did something happen with Adrien?” Alya guessed. She hadn’t heard anything about Kagami and Adrien dating, but then again, she hadn’t known that Luka and Marinette were together either until Luka showed up at Marinette’s house during that call. 

Were all her friends dating on the down-low?

Kagami sat down on a nearby bench, staring down at her feet. “I knew he had reservations. He’s pulled away from me before, saying he wasn’t ready yet.”

She clenched her skirt, her fingers tightening. “If he didn’t want to spend time with me - if he’d rather be somewhere else - he could have just told me so. Should have told me, instead of just feeding me LIES!” 

Alya blinked, taken aback by Kagami’s sudden outburst. “Lies? About?”

That explained Kagami’s akumatization the other day at least. Multiple akumas on the same day weren’t exactly unknown, but two of them being her peers was more unusual - usually it was just Mr. Pigeon and some other random Parisian. 

She knew full well why Luka was akumatized of course, but hadn’t had the time or mental capacity to dive into Kagami’s akumatization, though she’d had people send info about it to the Ladyblog. She’d been a little too busy trying to puzzle out why Marinette hadn’t told her about the breakup with Luka, and then reassembling her entire worldview after that earth-shattering conversation where Marinette confessed her secret.

“Mother doesn’t like me associating with other teens for too long. She doesn’t think it’s productive. But I’d sneak around, rearrange schedules, lie so that Adrien and I could spend more time together than normally allowed, could do things besides simply fencing. We’d meet up early so we could hang out in the art room, have our drivers ‘happen’ to sync up cars for a kiss, even sneak out for ice cream! But he ditched me. Constantly. Making up excuses. Not even trying to look at me as he left!” Her voice cracked.

Alya tilted her head. “That doesn’t make sense,” she said slowly, puzzling out Kagami’s words. “Adrien loves spending time with people.”

Kagami turned away. “Not with me it seems. He dropped some bracelet while we were on the Couffaine’s houseboat. I picked it up, intending to return it to him later… after a small test.”

Her voice dropped to nearly a whisper. “Next time I saw him, I asked whether he’d found what he was looking for. He said yes.”

Kagami’s teeth ground. “A moment later he realized it wasn’t on him, and he claimed he must’ve lost it again. If I hadn’t been holding the object in his hand, I would have believed him - he’s that good a liar.”

That- that didn’t fit with the Adrien she knew. But she didn’t think Kagami was lying either.

“Do you have any idea why he’d lie?” 

Kagami shook her head. “I thought about him cheating, I know he has a crush on another girl, but-”

“WHAT?!”

Marinette had told her about the ride back from the museum, how Adrien had talked about the “girl he loved”. They’d both assumed that was Kagami.

But Adrien hadn’t actually said the girl’s name.

Was there someone else in Adrien’s life?

Kagami raised an eyebrow. “Is it really such a surprise? Granted I thought it was Marinette for awhile, what with the way he looks at her-”

Oh, Alya knew. She’d seen the doe eyes Adrien sent at Marinette anytime she did… well, anything really, and that boy needed only the slightest prompting to start waxing lyrical about how amazing Marinette was. 

“-but it quickly became apparent that Adrien had never asked Marinette out, and he had asked out this other girl, so it couldn’t be her,” Kagami concluded.

Alya furrowed her brow. “A girl that even Marinette doesn’t know about?” she wondered out loud. “How is that even possible? Heck, even Nino doesn’t know her!”

Adrien didn’t exactly get a lot of opportunities to talk to other kids - his father made sure of that. And he didn’t seem the type to fall for someone just based on their looks and two minutes of conversation, at least not long-term. 

“I don’t think he was actually cheating,” Kagami said. “He may be a liar, but I couldn’t see him doing that. I still get this sense of sincerity from him, even after that. He sees others as people, and is too empathetic for me to believe he’d do that. I got the sense that he didn’t want to lie, even if he was good at it.”

Alya nodded. “Yeah, I can’t see Adrien doing that. Not that I could see him lying either, but… something just seems off.”

She’d considered that she’d might have totally misjudged what type of person Adrien was in the past, when ‘Adrien’ sent back a nasty video reply on the anniversary of his mother’s death. 

The evidence was right there in front of her, after all.

But she’d been wrong that day. Adrien had been the kind of person he’d been shown to be over the past few months, was kind, sincere, and loved his friends. 

So if she assumed that Adrien had good intentions, that he wasn’t being awful to Kagami, that he had a good reason for always needing to ditch and make up excuses-

WAIT.

She gripped Kagami’s shoulders. “When exactly did he need to ditch? Like, what times?” she said urgently.

Kagami narrowed her eyes, giving Alya a searching look. “It changed from day to day, it was never consistent.”

“Then how about that last day you two were together? When exactly did he leave?”

Kagami hummed for a moment. “I’m not sure of the exact clock time, but… well, you saw him arrive late to that Kitty Section concert. Just a few minutes after we left the boat, we were talking, but he seemed distracted. He kept on looking behind me. I actually checked myself, but I didn’t see anything there. That’s when he made up the lie about the bracelet and raced off.”

Adrien arrived late to the Kitty Section concert… the same one Marinette was late to.

Adrien had to beat a hasty retreat from Kagami a few minutes after he’d left the Couffaine’s houseboat… which was about the time Truth showed up.

Ladybug had turned out to be Alya’s best friend. What were the chances that Chat Noir was also someone she knew?

“Are you going to tell me what you figured out?” Kagami asked her flatly.

Alya blinked, snapping out of her thoughts. “Figured out? Figured what out?”

“Don’t lie.” Kagami said harshly. “I’ve endured enough of that already.”

Alya winced. “Ok, yes, I figured something out. At least I think I did. I haven’t confirmed it, and I’m not sure I’m going to. If I’m right, then Adrien had to lie and ditch and make up those excuses, and couldn’t tell anyone safely. That’s why I’m not sure about digging further. Me knowing would be dangerous too.”

Kagami’s eyes widened in alarm. “Is he in danger?”

Alya mulled that over. “...Sort of? Yes.” Noticing Kagami putting her hand on the hilt of her blade, she hastily added, “but it’s not a danger you can save him from!”

“Do not underestimate me,” Kagami said, her voice low and dangerous. 

Considering that Kagami tried to assault Desperada with a mic stand as soon as she was in range, she might have a point.

“He’s ok for now,” Alya tried to assure her. “He has some solid backup.”

“And that doesn’t include me?” Kagami asked.

Well, actually, it does sometimes, Alya wanted to say. But that would be too much of a giveaway.

Was this what Marinette felt like all those times she had to conceal her Ladybug knowledge? It sucked.

Kagami pulled away. “I can’t do this. I already had one person keeping secrets from me. I don’t need another.”

As Kagami walked away, Alya reached out a hand… and retracted it.

She was right. Kagami had been hurt enough by secrets and lies. As much as Alya would love to be totally honest with Kagami, to bring her into the loop… she just couldn’t. It was too dangerous and not her call anyway.

But Kagami needed someone. She was more alone than anyone else she knew, especially since her relationship with Adrien ended.

Hm… 

Maybe Kagami couldn’t spend that much time with others as Kagami...

But Ryuuko was a different story.

And if Marinette could bring back Rena Rouge even after having her identity exposed… why not? At least getting her occasionally. 

Alya turned to head towards the bakery.

Hopefully soon, the dragon would rejoin the cat and ladybug in protecting Paris, getting to spend time with her friends once again.

This time, at least getting to know why there were secrets between them, even if those secrets had to remain.

[lemon--squeezy]

𝐁𝐚𝐝 𝐛��𝐨𝐨𝐝 | 𝐎𝐍𝐄

Summary: 𝐀𝐚𝐫𝐨𝐧 𝐇𝐨𝐭𝐜𝐡𝐧𝐞𝐫 found love during his teen years and ended up married to his high school sweetheart. However, he hadn't been prepared for the effects caused on him by a younger Agent and coworker.

Pairing: Aaron Hotchner x Original Female Character

Warnings: Mentions of/implied attemped rape, sexual scenes, adult language, angst, boss/employee relationship, cheating, age difference and  canon-typical violence.

A/N: Before we start I just wanted to warn you that English is not my first language so you might see some grammar and spelling errors, if you spot any just let me know please. I hope you can bear with me! This story in also available on Wattpad 

“You made a really deep cut and baby, now we’ve got bad blood…” — Taylor Swift

Rays of a morning sun shine through the many windows, bringing a needy warmth to the cold bullpen of the Behavioral Analysis Unit. As soon as one enters the room, the bitter but invitingly warm scent of black coffee would invade their nostrils; a much needed drink to endure the consuming aspects of working for the FBI. Hushed footsteps, discussions of rapports, chairs moving around and whispers of good mornings are the prominent sounds filling the environment. 

At the center of the room, three distinct agents are discussing among themselves about gossips of the office. A strong, shaved headed man, with dark skin and a smirk plastered on his face. By his side, half sitting on his desk is a woman with fluffy bright blonde hair, thick black glasses supported by her delicate nose and wearing colorful clothes, making her stick out in an ocean of grey suits and blazers. Standing in front of them is a raven-headed woman, with pale skin and dressing a dark outfit like no one else could do. 

While grabbing his mug and sipping his morning coffee, the man looks at his wristwatch, slightly shaking his head in a mocking disapproval and declares, “It’s officially five minutes since our work time started and Agent Davis hasn’t arrived,” he flashes a smirk to the black headed female who had being part of the team for barely a month and continues, “I hope you’re ready to witness your first breakfast time quarrel between the bossman and Amy.” 

Emily, the sophisticated gothic woman, stares confusedly at her teammate and says, “Okay, I’m gonna take the bait. What are you talking about, Morgan?” 

He flashes a mischievous smile, “Do you want to explain it to the newbie, baby girl?” Morgan asks the blonde and eager female to tell the new girl about the most volatile - and funny to watch - dynamic of the team. “I’m pretty sure you’ve already noted that my lovely girl Amelia Davis and our stiff yet good-looking Superior don’t tolerate each other,” Penelope happily blabbers. “Since today is Monday and Amy loooves partying hard on the weekends, she’s already late. Something that displeases the bossman who is constantly waiting to scold Amy because of her little mistakes.” 

“That is intriguing. Are you sure it isn’t all about sexual tension? That would explain their behavior.” Agent Emily Prentiss questions inducing a gasp from Penelope and a laugh from Derek. 

“We’ve all considered it at some point,” the man affirms. “Just don’t say that to Davis or she will lecture you about how terrible it is that two people of the opposite sex aren’t allowed to sincerely and deeply hate one another,” he concludes and looks in the direction of his Superior individual office through the open blinds. “Hotch seems to be especially annoyed today so I bet he won’t even wait for Davis to reach her table before he calls her attention.” Morgan deduces and the elevator cheeps in sync announcing new arrivals, making the three agents stare in its direction. They see a couple of interns hurrying to the coffee marker and the next person to come out is the disheveled figure of Agent Davis. Her crystal blue eyes are hidden by black sunglasses, the woman’s usually perfect long brunette hair is currently disheveled, her button up white shirt is supporting some wrinkles while her dark grey blazer is in her left hand along with her bag. She connects the fingers of her right hand with her temple massaging it in a foolish attempt to ease the headache obviously caused by a hangover. 

Amelia tries to walk discreetly in the direction of her desk, hoping she would pass unnoticed by her boss, but she isn’t successful. Seeing her state, Derek whistles and loudly states, “I think someone had a wild night,” he laughs with Prentiss and Penelope. His booming voice affects the balance of Davis, making her stumble over her own feet and before she gets a hold of her chair and tells the man to be quiet, the harsh sound of a door opening echoes through the entire space of the bullpen. 

“Agent Davis. My office. Now,” the chief unit’s demand rings like thunder, giving chills to the ones around.  

“Fuck,” Amy murmurs while taking off her sunglasses  and dropping her belongings on her desk. 

The brunette drags her legs, taking her time along the short way to her boss’s office. 

Amelia feels like she’s in high school and the principal is calling to lecture her, but that’s something she never experienced during her school years since her teachers adored her effort to have the best grades and eagerness to learn. Besides, she could always blast a polite amiable smile to make people bend at her will. It came easily to Amy, being friendly and kind towards others, virtues that paid off and made everyone like her. Well, everyone but him. 

The door to the room is already opened and to Amy, it resembles the entrance of a

scary and dark cave. After she’s inside, she makes sure to close it to shield herself from the curious ears of her coworkers. She goes straight to one of the chairs across from the stoic man, a journey she’s so used to, considering that Hotchner’s constantly expressing his discontent with her whether it was about being a few minutes late, or about a typo in a rapport, or even choosing to use a grey folder instead of the yellow ones. Everything would lead to criticism and by now she would just take it with humor. She mumbles a good morning but Aaron simply ignores it.

“Tell me, Agent, what’s your excuse for today? Two weeks ago there was something wrong with your car, four weeks ago it was a problem with shower. I can’t wait to hear about another one of your misfortunes,” there’s venom watering each word, his eyes colder than a winter day and his entire posture screams irritation.  

Amy thinks how he’s ever so ridge when she’s around. Every time she enters the same room as him, the jet black haired man would instantly go ridge like her mere presence was a heinous crime. She’s used to it and more than happy to demonstrate that she is also offended by his existence.  

“Would you believe me if I told you that my nanny died?” Davis playfully replies and grins, which boils Aaron’s anger further. 

“Do you think this is some sort of joke?” he snaps, standing from his chair and positioning his hands on the desk that separated them. “I can’t have people in this unit that don’t take their job seriously and I don’t have time to endure irresponsibility and lack of respect.” 

I bet you would have a lot of free time if you just left me the fuck alone, dude - Amelia thinks while maintaining eye contact with the man. 

“One more day of tardiness and you will have to suffer consequences. Is that clear enough for you, agent?” he fumes. 

She bites her lips and swallows a bitter response. Not afraid of the outcome, just too tired to deal with her boss’s intensity so early in the day. “Yes, boss.”

“You can leave now,” he grunts and sits back in his chair. Starting to reach for one of the files on his desk; at the same time, Amelia makes a quick way out of the room. Once she gets to her chair, she releases a loud sigh, longing for the day to be over already. 

“That seemed intense.” Emily comments. She and Morgan are in their respectives chairs and Penelope has made her way to her own office - after the end of the show, of course.  

“You have no idea,” Amy answers while starting her work. 

 “If you don’t mind me asking, what happened between the two of you?” Prentiss carefully asks, genuinely curious.

“He’s the one who decided to hate me since my first day, I’m just returning the sentiment,” Davis explains, unbothered by the question, being a curious person herself she knows how it is once interest sparks. That’s when Dr. Reid and Agent Jareau arrive, talking to themselves. Spencer is carrying a notebook with a sketch of a boy’s face in it, moving around the room frantically and picking a telephone. 

“What’s wrong?” Amelia worriedly questions. 

“Need to get that to everyone as soon as possible,” Reid hurriedly explains while making a call. “Detective Barnes, this is Special Agent Doctor Spencer Reid of the Behavioral Analysis Unit in Quantico,” he clarifies to the person on the other side of the phone and continues rapidly, “Have you had recent murders involving prostitutes? They would’ve been stabbed to death and their hair would’ve been cut off by the killer,” that causes the other Agents to exchange confused glances, intrigued by the sudden event. 

“When was the last recent victim?” the Doctor inquires to the Detective on the line. 

Seems like we have a case, Amy processes. 

[animeyanderelover]

Hiii it's me again XD Can you write promp 52 to Dagger?

Hey, always happy to see you in here😇. It became pretty short, but I hope it’s still fine.

Warnings: Yandere themes, unhealthy mindset, unhealthy relationship, delusional thinking, paranoia, mentions of kidnapping

Prompt 52:You want to leave me?!?! Why?!?! Is it because I beat those people who insulted you last week? Or is it because I didn’t make you your favorite breakfast yesterday? Whatever it is, I promise I can fix it!!”

You want to leave me?!?! Why?!?! Is it because I beat those people who insulted you last week? Or is it because I didn’t make you your favorite breakfast yesterday? Whatever it is, I promise I can fix it!!” All you had asked for was a small break, nothing more and nothing less. It had been just a small request to your boyfriend who had become too much for you to endure anymore, constantly glaring at anyone near you, going as far as actually throwing hands and get into a fight with the other person. It happened so many times that Joker had to drag him away from others or Doll had rushed over to get you since you were the only one who was in such moments able to calm him down. That wasn’t the only problem in here though. Dagger was just too much, too overbearing, too clingy, too affectionate. At first it had been rather cute, really. You had just taken it as a sign that Dagger really loved you. And even know you didn’t doubt his love for you. But as weird as it may have sounded to other people, right now you just needed a break from this all. He was too sweet and doting with his words, awakening more annoyance than appreciation inside of you. He was too smothering with his touches and kisses, wanting you to push him away whenever he showered your face with kisses after a performance or just cuddled the oxygen out of you. And this was the point where you realized that you needed to take a short break to be able to calm your mind.

But Dagger apparently didn’t think so, pacing panicked in circles around you, preventing you from leaving the tent. He looked beyond disturbed, muttering inaudible words like a waterfall, eyes darting quickly around, every few seconds landing on you with an emotion you couldn’t find a fitting word to describe for, not knowing if there was even a fitting word. But whatever this emotion reflecting in his eyes was, it caused you to shiver, swallowing your growing uneasiness down. You shouldn’t have told him, that would have probably saved you from this moment here. But avoiding Dagger was impossible since you two worked often together, not to mention that you two saw each other each day due to living in the circus. So even if you would have send someone else to tell him that you needed a break, what good would have done it anyways? He would have just stormed out and instantly looked frantically for you. In the end it would have ended in the same situation, you guessed with Dagger this was unavoidable. “Come on Dagger, don’t act like this. It’s just a small break, it won’t kill you, you know? Just give me a bit of time and use it to work on your rather unacceptable behavior and we two are fine again. Doesn’t sound that hard now, does it? I mean, even Joker thinks that you’re acting a bit off.”

And suddenly Dagger stopped, freezing in his step he had wanted to take, as if someone had suddenly put a spell onto him. It looked weird to you. That was at least until you noticed something rather off. His whole body didn’t move. Except his eyes. His eyes were trembling, almost a sort of gaze over them. It was already eerie enough that only his eyes seemed to move, but rather than this it was the look presented in them. This dark and thick darkness in them, leading you to slowly stepping back. “Dagger...?” And with a speed that made you fear for a moment that he would snap his neck, Dagger turned his head to you, sea-green eyes drilling themself with an unbelievable intensity in you, giving you the feeling of not being able to breathe properly anymore. You had never expected him to be able to look that scary, his normally more lively personality being gone, his normally always emotion-filled face looking suspiciously blank. Only the weird and hideous glimmer in those eyes of his showed you an emotion. Cold rage. And suddenly you couldn’t move anymore, your limbs refusing to work like they should. What was with this look of his? You couldn’t recall a time before where he had ever looked more ready to just kill someone without giving a care.

But luckily he soon seemed to snap out of it, the coldness slowly melting away, showing you this certain spark in his eyes again that he always had when looking at you and you let a deep breath out, feeling like someone had just removed invisible chains. “I see. So it’s their fault.” You raised your eyebrow confused, not understanding what he meant with that. Was he even talking to you? He kind of looked at you, but at the same time you gained the impression that he didn’t look at you. “Excuse you?”, you asked carefully, at this point not knowing how to act around him. Should you be worried that he might do something stupid? Upon noticing your concerned expression Dagger gave you a smile, obviously trying to comfort you. But it did pretty much the opposite, causing your stomach to churn. It looked too bright for it’s own good, this smile of his. “You don’t have to be worried. I’m not angry with you. It’s not your fault.” For this stupid short moment you thought he had now accepted or at least tried to accept your pleas for a short break. And for a second you relaxed a bit, before stiffening up again when he continued. “It’s their thought, I knew that they were all against me. They all want you for themselves, that’s why they keep trying to get into your head. Yes...yes, that must be it. They corrupted your mind.”

Wow...This guy was delusional through the roof. Was he even listening to what he was mumbling there? What was this fellow there even talking about? But before you could even start asking him if he was either just very delusional or crazy he suddenly stepped closer to you, grabbing your hands and pulling you a bit closer to him, leading to you flinching away from him. “It’ll be alright. They just got into your head. But I will fix this and then everything will be fine again. Just let me take care of everything, I’ll ensure that everything will be fine. All we need to do is escaping this place here. That would be the best, to move you away from everyone here. They just want to steal you away from me anyways. It’ll be necessary for you to clear your mind and then we can start a nice and save life somewhere else.” His eyes literally screamed delusional, not to mention his voice that had sounded more and more thrilled the longer he had spoken, leading him to the point of tightly clutching your hands. You on the other hand had paled, labeling him officially as a lunatic in that very moment. And that made you realize that it would be the best option to get the fuck out of his tent, to storm to Beast and hoping that she would be able to whip some sense into this boy’s thick head.

But you hadn’t even had to do anything, Dagger suddenly pressing a quick kiss against your forehead before suddenly turning around, humming quietly to himself and skipping, SKIPPING, out of the tent, humming quietly a melody to himself. You remained frozen, eyes glued to the back of his head until he was out of your sight. A really bad feeling washed all over you, suddenly feeling like you should probably stay at least with one of the first-string members all the time. You definitely weren’t safe in here anymore, that much you knew. The question was how much Joker would be able to do against his friend? Would he be even willing to do much? Dagger was after all his childhood friend and you weren’t sure if your comfort would be put higher or if Joker would decide to overlook Dagger’s behavior. But you knew one thing for sure. You had to be on high alert from now on.

[dogbearinggifts]

I saw you mention in an ask that Diego spotted the abuse they underwent first. In what order and how do you think each of the kids came to the realization of what their dad put them through? They all obviously are still reeling from everything years later and it was EXTRA apparent during the light supper.

The light supper did many things, but the one thing it did most of all was show just how deeply he damaged these kids. Here they are in their thirties, meeting with a man who doesn’t know them yet—and even though they’re all completely on edge, guards up, expecting the worst, they’re still blindsided by how low he stoops just to gain a slight edge. 

But I digress. Here’s how I think each one of them came to realize Reginald was abusive, and the order in which I think they realized it. This is mostly just speculation on my part, so I could be wrong, but I like to think it’s an educated guess. 

Diego: Watching his dad give Luther nothing but praise while he received nothing but criticism fostered a good deal of resentment in him, but I think it also led him to see that something was very wrong much sooner than some of his other siblings. See, the torture they endured seems to have happened behind closed doors—Vanya losing her powers, Klaus being locked in the mausoleum, whatever awful things he did to Allison, Ben and Five in the guise of making them stronger—but the verbal abuse Diego went through happened out in the open. It had to. Reginald wanted to goad Diego into pushing his own limits to beat Luther at a game neither of them could win. To do that, he needed make them both aware that there was a competition, that Luther was winning and Diego was losing, and that all of the other siblings knew the score. Being locked in that dynamic meant Diego was constantly, painfully aware that no one else had to deal with Reginald’s constant nitpicking—but also that no one else was lavished with praise the way Luther was. Even to a sheltered kid who’s allowed few friends outside the family and limited freedom to leave the grounds,  that treatment is visibly wrong. Diego might not have been able to call it abuse as a teen, but I think seeing the blatant discrepancies between how he and his siblings were treated—plus his legendary stubbornness—kept him from internalizing it for too long. When Reginald used Ben’s funeral to shame them all, that was probably the moment Diego began seeing him not as a bad parent, but as a monster he needed to escape.

Vanya: Like Diego, she was treated differently from her siblings. Unlike Diego, I do think she internalized it to a degree. We see her taking up the violin in an attempt to impress her dad (“I’m going to be extraordinary”) and her visible dismay when Reginald says “I’m afraid there’s nothing special about you.” Even as an adult, after years on her own, she sends Reginald a copy of her autobiography. It’s possible this was an attempt to get him to see things from her perspective, but it’s equally possible she sent it to him as a means of saying “Look, Dad, I wrote a book. I got it published. It’s on the bestseller list. Be impressed, you asshole.” Part of her wanted to impress him, and part of her believed that if she just tried a little harder, she could do it. Although she recognized that her treatment was unfair sometime in or prior to her teen years (we see her protesting Reginald’s refusal to let her be in the family photo) the part of her that wanted to earn his favor probably kept her from fully embracing the idea that she was not responsible for how she was treated. That said, I do think she’d realized Reginald was the problem by the time she moved out, and she probably began calling him abusive once she either read up on abusive relationships or learned about them from her therapist. Learning that there was a word for what she endured, and that no decent person considers it okay, was probably strangely comforting and empowering all at once. 

Klaus and Ben: After Ben’s death, they almost certainly began talking more. Ben would’ve had to witness Klaus’ burgeoning addiction spiral out of control, and he wouldn’t have let it happen in silence. Maybe his resentment festered shortly after his death; maybe it came years later. Whatever the case, I think that when Ben began arguing with Klaus over his drug habit, Klaus pushed back—and eventually, this pushback led to him spilling details of what led him down that road. “He locked me in a fucking mausoleum when I was just a kid” probably stunned Ben into silence for a few hours at least—and also reminded him of the things Reginald forced him to do while he was alive. Maybe they started trading stories to empathize with each other; maybe they traded them to one-up each other. Whatever the case, I think that as they learned they’d both been effectively tortured by their own father, they both began to realize how twisted their childhoods had been—and that they were not to blame for it.

Allison: While her reactions during the light supper prove Reginald terrorized her as much as he did the others, we also know she used her power to get whatever she wanted. Parental abuse is damaging to everyone, no matter who you are; but abuse from a parent you can manipulate is a little easier to endure, and it’s much harder to recognize that something is wrong when you can buy yourself a respite—or at least a few material things to ease the pain. She had an advantage the others didn’t, and I think this advantage kept her in denial, believing Reginald might not be so bad after all, if he gave her all those nice things and didn’t complain, until Ben’s funeral. Watching Reginald use her brother’s death as an opportunity to berate and shame them for something she knows wasn’t their fault makes her angry and hurt enough to stand up to him, despite the derision this earns her. I think that day affected her pretty deeply—maybe even more deeply than her siblings. Ben’s funeral was probably the day she realized there was nothing redeemable in her dad after all and that she had to get away for her own safety. Once she was out on her own, I think she sought out books on bad parents—starting with survivor memoirs, empathizing with the narrators more strongly than she expected, then branching out into self-help. She probably read the signs and checklists over and over, just to make absolutely certain her experiences counted as abuse and she wasn’t just being dramatic and ungrateful.

Five: If he hadn’t gotten stuck in the apocalypse, I think he might have been one of the first to realize Reginald was abusive. But because he spent the majority of his life in a world much harsher than the Academy (which isn't to say the Academy wasn’t harsh, but no one had to eat cockroaches to survive it) his memories probably took on a rosier hue. A place with a solid roof over his head, where he was guaranteed clean clothes, companionship, and never had to wonder where his next meal was coming from—after starving out in the open and talking to a mannequin, Five probably thought more than once that he’d never argue with Reginald again if it only meant a return to those comforts he once took for granted. This longing, mixed with self-loathing over his stupidity at getting stuck, probably led to some self-blame over how Reginald treated him, if his “I was too hard on you” to Reginald during the light supper is any indication. He realized Reginald was abusive at some point (probably after some heated arguments with Dolores) but I think he’s also gotten it into his head that it wasn’t as bad as it seemed at the time—not as bad as growing up in the apocalypse, at any rate.

Luther: Not only did he stay in the Academy well into his twenties, but he put his own safety on the line, nearly died in service to Reginald’s goal—a goal he’d fooled himself into thinking was his own—and when the man who endangered him, mutilated him, and shunned him exiled him to a hunk of rock floating in space, he still blamed himself. While he took a major step forward in the latter half of S1, placing the blame for his pointless Moon mission on Reginald (where it belongs), I think his jump into the sixties caused him to regress a bit. I don’t think he forgot what Reginald did to him, but I do think he assumed that Reginald might be kinder in his younger years. Maybe he thought parenthood made him less patient or—more tragically—that something he and his siblings did turned him into the kind of man who would shame his surviving children at their brother’s funeral. I think he believed that if he could just talk to his dad before all of that happened, he’d be welcomed with surprise and joy, pulled into a hug and asked about all he’d accomplished. While Reginald’s rejection shattered him, I think it also, in a sad and twisted way, freed him. Luther learned, once and for all, that Reginald simply hated children. Reginald’s callousness and outright cruelty wasn’t due to anything he did—it was the result of taking on parenthood out of a sense of obligation, resenting it every step of the way, and lacking the emotional maturity to avoid taking it out on kids whose only crime was dependency on him. The fact Luther didn’t believe it until he heard it from the man himself speaks volumes about the control Reginald still had over him, even after his lies were laid bare.

[ilovefandoms102]

Enough is Enough

Pairing: JJ x Plus Size Reader

Summary: You and JJ are starting to constantly be harassed by the Kooks about your relationship. What happens when it becomes too much for you to handle?

Taglist:

@drewswannabegirl @velyssaraptor @kaitieskidmore1 @jiaraendgame @teamnick @jeyramarie @they-write-once-in-a-blue-moon​ @baby-pogue​ @ma10427​ @judayyyw​ @must-be-a-weasley-92​ @iamaunicorn4704​ @agirlwholovescoffee​ @justcallmesams​ @lasnaro​ @lonely-kermit​ @jellyfishbeansontoast​ @ifilwtmfc​ @gviosca​ @fernweh-fangirl​ @runway-to-my-aid​ @eb15​ @tangledinsparkles​ @hurricane-abigail​ @outerbongs​ @jaxandcomet​ 

Note: This is for the anon that requested this summary, I tried to combine the ending so I hope that’s ok! I hope I made you proud! And as always I hope you guys enjoy and let me know what you think!

=======================

JJ and I have been best friends since we were in diapers. Our parents big on the drug market in The Cut. We had similar home lives in that as well, except my parents just mentally abuse me. I had always been ‘bigger’ than everyone else we grew up with. JJ and the others accepting and never having a problem with my size, but my parents were never ending on how I needed to change. There was nothing more than I hated then having to go home....

The endless comments about how I’m ‘too fat’, ‘need to go on a diet’, ‘have you tried exercising’, ‘how do you have friends’, ‘you will never be loved because you are fat.......It wasn’t just them I got these kind of comments from however, the Kooks were also ruthless when it came to body shaming....

========================================

I had started developing feelings for JJ about a year ago, he had started sending me mixed signals that just confused me to no end. For example, he would only want to sit beside me anytime we went anywhere, sometimes he would hold my hand, and he had become a lot more touchy. Which I didn’t mind at first, I thought nothing of it. It wasn’t until at a kegger when JJ got piss drunk and I had to take him back to the chateau since I was the only one capable of driving that things had changed between us....

“You know, you’re really pretty.” JJ slurred, his hat tipped way down over his eyes.

“Who, your hat because I’m sure that’s all you can see right now J.” I laughed, tipping it back up for him. 

“No silly, I’m talking about you! I think, I think I might be falling in love with you.” he hiccuped.

“What the fuck JJ?!” I yelled, looking at my very intoxicated friend.

“Well...I am. Fuck, you’re so beautiful, my favorite part of the day is seeing you. Do-do you think you’re falling in love with me too y/n?” he asked, trying to sit up in the car seat.

“I don’t even know how to respond to that JJ.” I groaned, pulling into the chateau.

“Just say yes or no what do you mean?” he slurred, giving me a ‘duh’ look.

I helped him out, he was a lot heavier than he looked. I kind of threw him on the couch because it was enough getting him up the stairs of the porch. He whined when his face hit the cushions, rolling over to face me. He grinned widely, sitting up not so sturdily. 

“Are you going to answer me baby?” he asked, playing with a strand of my hair.

“You’re hammered J, you won’t remember any of this in the morning. Go to sleep.” I mumbled, getting up to take his bed for the night.

“Nooo, come back I need to know! Babyyyyyy.” he whined, seconds later he was snoring.

===================================

 I woke up encased in warmth, I threw my hand out to take the blankets off when I came in to contact with something hard. I turned to see JJ beside me, his strong arms caging me against him. I didn’t even know he had came in here last night....Does he even remember doing it?

“Ow,” JJ groaned.

“JJ, what are you doing in here?” I asked, turning in his hold. 

“Sleeping,” he grumbled, nuzzling his head further into me.

“I’m positive I left you on the couch last night.” I said, brushing some hair out of his eyes.

“I wanted a cuddle buddy,” he pouted, his eyes still closed. 

“Do you remember last night?” I asked hesitantly.

“Bits and pieces, but I do know what I said to you.” he said, cracking his eyes open. My breath hitched in my throat, preparing myself for the worst.

“It’s ok J, we all say things we don’t mean when we’re drunk.” I chuckled, trying to play it off.

“Well I meant what I said, and I know you feel the same way.” he said, blue eyes staring deep into mine.

“Full of yourself much Maybank?” I scoffed, pushing him playfully. 

“I know you like the back of my hand sweetheart, which  I was surprised you never said anything. I think I’ve made it pretty clear that I’m into you.” he said, his eyes searching mine for any tell of what I might be thinking. 

“JJ, look at me....do you know what people would say? I can’t let you go through that.” I whispered, hiding my face in his chest.

“There’s nothing wrong with you. I don’t give a flying fuck what people have to say about us. I-I love you, and I will do whatever I have to. I want to be with you.” he said, pulling my head back to look in my eyes.

“I love you J,” I whispered, tears gathering in my eyes. 

He kissed me hard, our teeth clashing together at the force. All of our pent up emotions and feelings for each other poured out into the kiss. Teeth and tongues moving sloppily, but it was beautiful. Never in a million years did I think JJ would ever feel the way I felt. I never thought any guy would give me the time of day, but all this time.....it was JJ.

====================================

It’s been about 6 months since JJ and I became official....

I was over the moon with him, never have I felt happier then when I was with him.

That was until the Kooks found out..more specifically, Rafe and his posse. It was hard enough with them harassing us because we are Pogues, but now they go out of their way to get at JJ and I. JJ of course flew off the handle anytime they mentioned my name, and I was tired of having to clean him up. I didn’t like seeing the marks on his face...I had seen enough of them come from his dad. I couldn’t help but feel like it was all my fault.... 

What drew the line for me was a day Pope, JJ, and I were making some deliveries to Figure Eight. Of course we were minding our own business when Rafe, Kelce, and Topper spotted us walking by the golf course. 

“Well, well look who we have here Top!” Rafe yelled, all of us freezing in our spot. I did not want to do this today.

“Guys come on, let’s just do these deliveries and go home.” I sighed, trying to pull on JJ’s bicep.

“You might run out of business if you keep having fatty here make runs with you Pope, she probably eats everything before it gets to the door.” Rafe smirked, eyeing JJ. 

“You watch your fucking mouth Rafe,” JJ growled.

“JJ please, they aren’t worth it.” I whispered, tugging on him again. 

“Hush piggy.” Topper said, shoving you to the side. 

No clue where it came from, but I had enough with them bullying us. I swerved my fist back and punched Topper straight in the nose, a sickening crunch sound followed by a shout came from Topper. Everything happened so fast after that... Topper grabbed me, pulling me off to the side. JJ and Pope were busy fighting off Rafe and Kelce.

“You will NEVER be good enough for him to love you y/n. You know that right?” Topper taunted, holding his bloody nose. 

“He does love me Topper!” I shouted, frustrated tears rolling down my face.

“Who could ever love someone like you? Look at you! You’re disgusting, ugly, and fat” he laughed.

“Shut the fuck up Topper!” I screamed.

I heard a scream, my eyes tearing from Topper to see Rafe beating JJ with his golf club. I cried out in horror, going to JJ’s aid. I was held back by Topper, his sinister chuckle sending chills through me. JJ tried to fight back, reaching for the golf club to stop its attack. Blood covered his beautiful face, splattering Rafe’s shirt. Sobs wracked my body, it became harder to breathe every moment I had to endure.

“JJ!” I yelled, tearing myself from Topper’s hold. I ran at Rafe, my only thoughts were keeping JJ and Pope safe.

“No!” Pope yelled as I ran towards Rafe.

I jumped on Rafe’s back, wrapping my legs around him so I could grab the golf club. It provided enough distraction for JJ to jump up, grabbing the golf club from Rafe and tossing it. Topper threw me off of Rafe, my face hitting the gravel below. The Kooks had enough since they ran off from us, leaving all of us beaten and bloody. I looked at JJ who was starting to sway, I got to him just in time before he hit the gound.

“JJ!” I yelled, and he was unresponsive....

==================================

I sat in the ER room with JJ, machines and tubes running every which way. Silent tears still rolled down my face, the reality of everything overwhelming my brain....I couldn’t let JJ keep getting hurt for me. He has enough to deal with at home, I can’t bare bringing him anymore hurt. It was too much, my heart shattered to pieces. I knew I had to end things before they got worse, no one else was getting hurt for me...

==================================

I was huddled up in my room a few days later, not having spoken to JJ, or any of the Pogues. I had hundreds of missed calls, texts, and FaceTime’s. This way, no one could get hurt. This way would be better for them. 

That’s what I kept telling myself at least....

There was a loud banging on my front door, I looked out the window and saw JJ. I froze, his solemn blue eyes made my heart clench. I opened the door slowly, met with my teary eyed boyfriend. His eyes were so red, it looked like he hadn’t slept in weeks. His slight stubble adding to his tired appearance.

“Why the fuck haven’t you been answering your damn phone!” he bellowed, veins popping out of his neck.

“I want to break up.” I blurted. His face dropped, fresh tears coming to his eyes.

“What?” he asked, his voice croaking. 

“I-I don’t want to do this anymore JJ.” I said, trying to sound convincing. 

“What has happened in the past three days that you decided you don’t want to be with me anymore? Do...Do you not love me anymore?” he whispered, the sheer pain in his voice made me want to forget my plan.

“No,” I croaked, trying to keep my tears at bay. I breathed in, clutching tight on the door.

“You’re lying.” he growled, seeing right through me.

“Dammit JJ! I can’t do this! I can’t watch you and the others get hurt for me anymore! Rafe almost fucking killed you because I’m fat!” I screamed.

“Don’t you fucking say that again! You are not fat! You are beautiful just the way you are, who the fuck cares about the Kooks? They harass us anyways, it wouldn’t matter!” he yelled back, tears rolling down both our faces at this point. 

“Either way, this is done JJ. Goodbye.” I said, slamming the door in his face.

“Baby please! Open the door! I love you, please don’t leave me! Y/N!” he cried, fists pounding on the door.

 I could hear his sobs through the wood, my heart breaking as I cried with him...

=======================================

Almost a week had gone by...

I haven’t ate, slept, just stared at my wall and let the tears roll. I felt like shit....literal shit. I hated myself for looking the way I did...not only did it cost my happiness with JJ, but it put the Pogues in danger. I wished more than anything that I could look like Kie, or Sarah. A skinny, beautiful girl. Someone people are excited to see, someone who can wear no makeup and look flawless, someone who didn’t have to try....

“Kie is here piggy,” my mother slurred, stumbling back to the living room.

“Hey” she whispered, taking in my tear soaked features.

“Hi Kie,” I croaked, my bottom lip trembling.

She came to me, sitting beside me as she wrapped her arms around me. I cried in her arms, what I’m sure JJ had done as well.

“I’ve missed you,” she said, brushing my tears away.

“You don’t have to say that because you feel sorry for me Kie.” I chuckled.

“When are you going to understand that we love YOU. You are the glue of our group, you light up everyone’s day. You’re kind, funny, beautiful, and just an all around amazing friend.” she said, holding my hands tightly. 

“Kie...I’m-” I started.

“You are not fat, I don’t want to hear that word out of your mouth. JJ has been a mess this whole week, what is going on?” she asked, so I explained everything to her.

“I can’t let him get hurt for me when he has enough of hurt from his dad Kiara.” I muttered, looking into her brown orbs. 

“You all need each other y/n. You’re each other’s soulmates, I truly believe that. JJ can take care of himself just like the rest of us can. We would do anything for you, you’re our family.” she said, pulling me into a hug.

“I love you all so much Kie, I can’t let them keep hurting you all.” I sobbed.

“You let us deal with that, now, I think you should talk to JJ.” Kie sighed.

“I-...I can’t Kie. There’s no way he’d take me back. He-he doesn’t understand...” I mumbled, picking at my fingers.

“Alright, I’ll talk to him. Then we can go from there yeah?” she asked, raising her brow. I nodded, hugging her again before she took off.

=====================================

It wasn’t even an hour later before knocking at my door was heard again. I looked to see my mom passed out on the couch, a bottle of liquor in her hand. I ran to the door, peaking out to see JJ. He looked just as bad if not worse than me.

“Hi,” he whispered, looking me up and down.

“JJ,” I croaked.

We both collapsed into each other, crying into the other’s shoulder. I clutched onto JJ tight, afraid that if I let go I’d lose him again. We both mumbled apologies to each other. His huge, ringed hand encased my head to his chest, his lips kissing wherever they could reach on my face.

“I’m so sorry I hurt you JJ, I-I just didn’t want you or anyone else to get hurt because of me.” I sobbed, pulling back to look at his handsome face. 

“I’m sorry to baby, for not understanding your reasons and just blowing up like that.” he sniffed,  his hands gripping my face to kiss my cheeks before placing a tender kiss on my lips.

“I don’t want you to get hurt like that again J,” I whispered, holding his wrists.

“I don’t want to hear you talk bad about yourself anymore. I love you just the way you are...You’re perfect to me. Deal?” he smiled, kissing my nose. I giggled, throwing myself forward to kiss his lips again. 

“Deal, I love you JJ Maybank.” I said, my voice cracking.

“I love you more,” he said softly, leaning his forehead on mine.

[bigskydreaming]

I’m almost more bothered by fics that don’t take an actively antagonistic stance towards Dick’s character, because what’s so often viewed as a GOOD storyline for Dick in fanfics is just like.....100% connected to my issues with fanon.

What I mean is this:

So many Batfam fics, even when they think they’re being kind or generous to Dick’s character, treat any relationship Dick develops or demonstrates with Jason in-story as Dick’s redemption arc, for being a shitty brother/person before a certain point.

And then on top of that, a ton of fics that include all the way through Damian by their starting point, then proceed to use any relationship (or attempt at one) between Dick and Tim.....as Dick’s redemption arc, for being a shitty brother/person to Tim at the Robin-Red Robin transition.

And then on top of THAT, you have the Batfam fics that focus on post-Spyral interactions with his family as....Dick’s redemption arc for being a shitty brother/person there, and during the Ric Grayson era we had ‘fix-it fic’ after fic whose idea of fixing it was picking things up at some point after Dick got his memories back and then proceeding to write Dick’s redemption arc for Ric being a shitty brother/person there. And even going all the way back to Bruce and Dick’s era of estrangement before Tim came along, there’s still absurdly so many fics over the years dedicated to....Dick redeeming himself in other characters’ eyes for that chasm with absolutely no effort in the same fics shown towards having Bruce work towards any kind of remption for his own behavior.

Historically speaking, the vast majority of fics tagged as Dick Grayson, stretching back years and still very much present now as well, are almost predominantly ALL somehow some kind of redemption arc for Dick.....

Specifically in regards to events and dynamics which have absolutely no basis (or at most an extremely skewed and one-sided one) in the source material. 

In fact, in the majority of most of the situations Dick’s being ‘redeemed’ for in fanfics, he either did the complete OPPOSITE of what he’s being punished/forced to make up for in fics, such as how his efforts in reaching out to Jason despite his own understandable bitterness stands in direct contradiction of the years of neglect and bitterness towards Jason that fics posit and theorize existed purely so that he has something TO redeem himself for in fics.....

Or then other times in the source material, he’s the literal actual victim of the things that he’s not only being held solely accountable and in need of redemption for in fics, like when he was beaten into going undercover for the sake of his family.....and then has to redeem himself for that in his family’s eyes......or when he was alienated, neglected and gaslit by his family while amnesiac.....and then has to redeem himself for that in his family’s eyes.....

And even in the cases where its SAID within a fic’s narrative (or more accurately, usually its said in the comments sections of fics as fic authors respond to people being disgusted with Dick by saying ‘no don’t be too hard on him’ and offering up justifications for Dick’s actual actions and understanding for his POV that for some reason never make it into the actual text of fics), like, even then, at most these fics TELL us that the flaws of Dick’s that they’re focusing on are understandable and its just human of him to be resentful of Jason as Robin, or overwhelmed and grief-stricken when he made Damian Robin at Tim’s expense, or traumatized and not thinking clearly when he ‘agreed’ to go undercover at Spyral.....

But meanwhile, what the fics actually SHOW us, beyond a few half-hearted defenses of Dick that usually are not at all substantiated by any other characters.....is Dick remorsefully doing the work of making up for the things he did so terribly, terribly wrong and that there’s actually no excuse for.

With this showing being a lot more evident and focused-upon than we ever see fics show Jason working towards earning Tim’s forgiveness and trust for almost killing him, or Damian doing the same, fics just skip past these things entirely to say ‘oh they’re better now’ but like....with Dick....its like the only storyline a ton of writers have any interest in writing for Dick....

Is a redemption arc.

Actively focusing on and SHOWING Dick putting in the work of being apologetic, remorseful, self-loathing, and absolutely committed to doing better by his siblings even if they never actually forgive him - with whether or not he can eventually ‘earn’ his way to a positive relationship with them far from a given - and any and all of his positive attributes or the positives of his actual relationships with various characters all but completely ignored or glossed over, to keep the focus entirely on Dick learning to do better.....

Than the crimes or slights against his siblings that authors first manufactured or exaggerated or took completely out of context, just to HAVE a reason for Dick to need to do better in the first place.

As I’ve said many times before, anyone is free to do whatever they want with fanfic, its an innately transformative medium, but its always going to be significant and worth attention in my mind, that so much of the transformation from the source material when it comes to Dick Grayson is entirely focused around and committed to transforming him from a hero that everyone loves and respects, a guy that always does his best to go above and beyond for family even when he has understandable reasons not to, and the literal inspiration for almost every second generation hero out there, including his own successors......

Into a guy that most people can’t stand, regard as irrelevant to their own careers let alone anyone worth looking up to, and constantly letting people down, especially his family.

All while there’s little to no attention paid to all the reasons in the source material that other characters most definitely have things they’ve said or done to Dick Grayson that need or deserve redeeming for.

Like the physical violence every single member of his family except Duke has inflicted on him at some point.

Or the victim blaming that’s so ingrained into his storylines and reader receptions of his storylines that even the fics that tackle redeeming Jason, Tim, etc for their behavior towards Dick post-Spyral limit this particular redemption to ‘we’re sorry we treated you badly when we didn’t know all the facts’ instead of ‘we’re sorry we treated you badly, full stop’ and ‘we’re sorry we passed judgment without even TRYING to know what all the facts were’ and ‘we’re sorry we display so little interest in your life or your traumas that even now when we’ve been informed you actually died and had to be forced into pretending to stay dead, we have zero interest in exploring if there’s anything else we might be missing if we could miss out on the whole ‘oh you really DID die’ part in the first place, and forget about us actually owning and apologizing for the specifics of how our behavior towards you was unacceptable even if we HAD been right in our interpretation of events.’

Or when mentions of the slutshaming and victim-blaming he endured during the Tarantula and Mirage storylines are limited to just that....mentions made of offscreen characters like Babs or the Titans.....with pretty much no stories I can think of, existing as ‘redemption arcs’ that tackle those characters actually working to redeem themselves for their behavior and trying to earn back Dick’s broken trust in them. Its usually just Jason and/or others finding out, telling Dick ‘hey your friends shouldn’t have done that either’ and then going off and murdering Mirage and Tarantula, the end, because....that fixes everything?

And forget about Bruce redeeming himself for his behavior - the way he works to put in the effort and fix things in so many ‘Jason returns to the family’ fics - but even when actual mention is made of the things Bruce HAS done wrong to Dick or needs redeeming for, its mostly just waved off as ancient history that he’s remorseful about but there’s no apparent need or effort to focus on Bruce putting that remorseful energy into action and actively on the page trying to bridge the gap he created in SO MANY storylines, again and again and again. ‘Bruce is just like that,’ a lot of stories shrug, about the time Bruce made Dick actually feel unwelcome in his own home and forced him to be the one to leave, unlike the way ‘its unacceptable for Dick to be like this’ energy is applied to stories about Dick forcing Tim to leave Wayne Manor....an action that has to be invented for a story’s purposes, of course, given that in the actual source story, Dick relocated himself and Damian to the penthouse anyway, and Wayne Manor was open and available to Tim and Dick never so much as implied otherwise.

Or look at how the adoption issue so often plays out....with it treated as though Bruce finally adopting Dick in adulthood just ‘fixes’ all the angst before that point, like it just overwrites everything he felt or experienced before and up until that.....with very little fandom energy paid to neither just castigating Bruce for not adopting Dick earlier or acting like adoption is a magic all-better now band-aid, but rather examining that both these things can coexist, and Dick can be happy and relieved and pleased to finally have the adoption he not-so-secretly wanted, even if only in adulthood, but that doesn’t mean the mental and emotional upset of his later teen years when he really, really, really could have used that declaration of being family rather than just a ward....like, there’s room for that to have still taken a toll and be worthy of awareness and regret on Bruce’s part, not for taking so long to adopt Dick, but for the damage Dick felt and suffered through BECAUSE of it. 

Its not even about vilifying or punishing Bruce for this, because ironically, like....redemption arcs aren’t actually supposed to be just about punishment or whatever? Its about acknowledging where wrong was done and GETTING what that means for the person who was wronged.....even if it can’t be undone.

People can get this when its Dick being written as having the redemption arc.

So where the hell is this understanding of what actual redemption MEANS, when its Dick that other characters have things to make up for?

The funny, ironic, cognitive dissonant thing about Dick Grayson in fanfics, is the vast majority of his appearances and storylines all somehow come back towards being his redemption arc in some way or form.....

For the made-up or exaggerated fanon crimes applied to him in fic, but that HE’S usually the actual recipient of in canon.

See, its not an obsession with canon that’s the reason for the disconnect between Dick Grayson fans and the takes favored by fans of most other characters.

Its the fact that the transformative energy of fanfiction, in his case, so often is utilized to give HIM reason to tackle the redemption arcs that OTHER characters owe HIM, but that so many of these fans don’t WANT to write their own faves being subjected to.....because they’re fans of these characters as heroes. They have no interest in reading or writing their favorite characters redeeming themselves for actions or behavior they personally don’t view as in character for them.

.....with the cognitive dissonant part in particular, being the way so many of these exact same fans turn around and express shock and bewilderment that Dick’s fans are simlarly uninterested in wanting to read nothing but their favorite character redeeming himself for actions or behavior we personally don’t view as in character for him....because it usually isn’t, according to the original stories BEFORE fanfic transforms him from victim of other beloved characters into victimizer of them instead.

And lol, many of us don’t actually want to see him as victim of other beloved heroes either! We’re in agreement there! Its why we come to fanfic instead of canon in the first place....to find stories where he’s not casually and regularly mistreated by other characters we like. But instead we usually only find stories that take everything people don’t want to see other characters doing to him, and making him do it to others. That’s not an improvement for us, lol! That’s just taking one problem and exchanging it for another. 

Flipping the script to make Dick the victimizer instead of other characters only fixes things if the only concern is making sure those characters aren’t seen as victimizers.

The really annoying part is how so many people can be so clear and cognizant of not wanting this for their own faves....yet are surprised, dismissive and disdainful of Dick’s fans....expressing the EXACT SAME FEELINGS.....about our own fave.