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vrisrezis · 2 years ago

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OMG I REALLY LIKE UR YAN GETO HC!! It's quite rare seeing sub yan fic these days... And if u don't mind, may I rq yan Gojo hc? (No pressure tho)

Have a nice day/night!

Thank u! And yes ! I’m such a fan of subby yanderes . Makes me sad there aren’t more :((

Here’s some Yan gojo for the soul

College au? Normal Yandere stuff, gojo is possessive and very bratty and subby! umm lotsa nsfw in this one, mentions of choking, gojo is very masochistic but still very loving, kind mentions of gojo getting beaten up but … yea

Yan! Gojo who notices you the moment you step into those door of the classroom, and he makes himself your never ending curse ever since

Yan! Gojo who is convinced you must love him, since he’s irresistible. Why wouldn’t you love him? The object of his affections has taste, after all.

Yan! Gojo who thinks you’re playing hard to get when you say you aren’t interested. There’s no need to be shy! He’s not going anywhere.

Yan! Gojo who’s delusional enough to think you’re dating simply because you looked at him a second too long.

Yan! Gojo who sees himself as the only one worthy to be in your presence. Everyone else doesn’t matter.

Yan! Gojo who loves to compliment you, but expects the same back. Otherwise he gets mad at you. However, if you ask why he’s mad he claims he’s fine ! There’s nothing wrong! But he’s silently brooding at the fact you didn’t compliment him back.

In the same breath Yan! Gojo who gets mad when you don’t notice slight changes in his appearance such as a different shampoo he’s using. He did it just for you! How could you not notice?

Yan! Gojo who insists you kiss him whenever you talk to that stupid bitch that keeps grabbing your hand.

Yan! Gojo who’s completely unashamed in how badly he wants you, and tells you as such.

Yan! Gojo who can’t get off unless you’re inside of him (whether that be your dick in him or his dick in u lol)

Yan! Gojo who wants you to pull his hair and completely wreck him. He knows he can be a overconfident brat, please put him in his place!

Because for as much as he’s the only right one for you, you’re the only right one for him. The only one that can put him in his place.

Yan! Gojo who ends up threatening your friends to leave you alone, you’re his.

Yan! Gojo who acts over confident as per usual, he’s confident in your relationship but he still gets really jealous of everyone around him.

Yan! Gojo who’s really possessive and protective of you, truly acts like your classic crazy girlfriend.

Yan! Gojo who screams at you when you talk to other people and make him jealous “on purpose”

But even after those fights, he comes back to you as if nothing ever happened an hour later, giving you the softest look and the sweetest kisses.

Yan! Gojo who gets mad at you a lot but also forgets the things that you do that make him mad… a lot.

Yan! Gojo who gets very jealous easily. Insists you fuck him to make him forget about it.

Yan! Gojo who gets clingy when he’s jealous, and starts being openly perverted and sexual as a result of his jealousness.

Yan! Gojo who likes when you choke him when you’re fucking

Yan! Gojo who looks at you with such adoration in his eyes, to him you are perfection. He loves every single part of you, because that’s what it means to love someone. Even when you piss him off, he loves every inch of you.

Yan! Gojo who insists you put him in his place constantly, please beat him up. You’re the only one that is capable of beating him up. The only one capable of touching him, he wants to constantly be reminded of how you own him.

Yan! Gojo who just wants you to use and abuse him.

Yan! Gojo who wants you to make him cry and embarrass him, he does not care about anyone else. He doesn’t care about his reputation or the people that worry about him, he wants you to wreck him beyond repair.

Yan! Gojo who just wants to be your toy, and never feels insecure about it cause he’s so convinced he’s your world, just like you’re his.

Yan! Gojo who likes taking you out on dates, he’s surprisingly romantic for being such a menace to society

Yan! Gojo who is actually very sappy despite how crazy he can be

Yan! Gojo who doesn’t try to resort to killing people but absolutely will and will feel nothing upon doing it, they have to be really persistent on talking to you.

Yan! Gojo who tricks you into thinking your friends and family dont love you and even if they did, who cares about them?

Yan! Gojo who wants to be the only one in your life, won’t understand why you don’t just ditch everyone else already.

Yan! Gojo who loves being your toy, but he also loves being your good little pretty boy.

Yan! Gojo who wants you to slap and step on his dick

Yan! Gojo who tells you how much he loves and adores you everyday

Yan! Gojo who’s so clingy it’s overwhelming

Yan! Gojo who loves you so intensely it becomes completely overbearing

Yan! Gojo who likes giving you little kisses on your neck

Yan! Gojo who lets out the cutest giggles when you do something he thinks is cute.

Yan! Gojo who laughs like a highschool girl when you make a joke

Yan! Gojo who constantly gives you literal heart eyes

Yan! Gojo who blushes when you call him pretty

Yan! Gojo who’s into you feminizing him. Call him your pretty girl.

Yan! Gojo who likes being carried by you even if he’s a lot bigger than you

Yan! Gojo who loves being kissed on the neck, he blushes like crazy

Yan! Gojo who likes being called princess

Yan! Gojo who loves you so much and tells you constantly

Yan! Gojo who’s very demanding in your relationship and isn’t exactly aware of the fact, but he loves you and would protect you. He’s the only one that deserves you. Please don’t throw him away!

#gojo x reader #gojo x you #gojo x y/n #satoru x reader #satoru x you #satoru x y/n #satoru gojo x reader #satoru gojo x you #satoru gojo x y/n #jjk x reader #jjk x y/n #jjk x you #jujutsu kaisen x reader #sub!gojo #sub!character #sub!yandere #sub!jjk

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taiey · 9 months ago

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hi guys i watched Pangi's vod An honest talk with Flamefrags and came out of it A Flame Fan 💖 i shall now attempt to spread this affliction 😌

Like I do appreciate just the bare fact that he did log in to chat with Pangi, because he asked. And then went and... built a house with him? Just because. Like they spent an hour this, he's not actually kidding when he says that he does show up for other people's bits.

Anyway. Here are some things Flame says, when they got onto building:

I don't like building: everything I build gets destroyed

I won't build at spawn, I'm scared I'll get arrow cannon'd

I don't like getting attached to places, someone'll trap it

"putting the entrance *here* would make sense but if it's *here* I can see more people if they come to attack me"

Having pets also gets him killed, "I had to drop that a while back."

"How can you dedicate this much time to something, just to know it could be gone instantly?"

(me like a month ago: huh Flame keeps going through the wall instead of the door of his base, that's potentially interesting.) (me now: oh NO) this is what being immortal means, apparently: being constantly aware of all the ways you could die.

so. in. addition to your "man who had to burn off him caring about anything other than fighting because it will get him killed". thing. 🥺

There's the whole audience angle that I find tasty to chew on. Like he opens by saying, he dies once on Lifesteal and everyone's mocking him and he wanted to prove himself. And then the "I have four thousand people watching me and now I let them all down and they start slandering me in the chat"—calling it clickbait, I hear. And it's like—

Did you know one time Flame was a streaming grinding villagers in his volcano-adjacent base and someone paid him money to tell him they would pay him more money if he killed Zam? (the answer, at the time, was—I'm not killing Zam, I'm allied with him, Zam built this base.) Did you know one time he killed Jepexx, metaphorically turns to the camera to say "chat, you be begging me to kill people. Then look, I just killed him in three hits. Are you happy? That's why I want to fight actual good people, like... Is this what you guys wanted? An easy kill?" and then two minutes later he died to Leowook's void trap? Like the emergent symbolism, guys. Did you hear that he died to a wither he had already killed because he was responding to chat?

"I have to blow up spawn tonight or I'm lying, again"

i want to Chew

And then there's a reflection of the stream audience in the audience of, like Wemmbu, and Manepear, which we get in inside flamefrags mind, like... can you back down when other people are looking at you expecting it, encouraging it, going through with it with or without you? You can't understand the - character of Flamefrags without putting that pressure somewhere. (i do like fics where these characters are streaming their own lives)

They blow up his house; Mane says it was just Wemmbu and that Wemmbu didn't know it was Flame's but we don't know. He was very suspicious and withheld for a long time but by the end of it he was joking with Pangi and putting real effort into making the fireplace look nice with the bricks and the grate. Like, like, like—You take - one step down a path you've been avoiding for so long because every time you've tried it leads to ruin. And then your friends burn it down. Don't go that way, even a little. Just blow stuff up, that's what's fun, that's what we do for fun. Not that.

. . . probably reading too much into it.

Also he said he expected that if he'd fought the six people everyone would've just run away as soon as he started winning/killed one person, and told Pangi his plans for later were getting enchanted apples, and just generally gave the impression that he could plausibly win a 6v1 by straightforwrdly having 20 hearts and notch apples and being Flamefrags. :) i am not immune to being an audience that thinks it's neat when he's super good at fighting. :) also also it's not just the four Declared Pacifists he's complaining about, they made a list of thirteen people on lifesteal who in general wouldn't fight (4c, zam, ecorridor, midmystixc, mrcube, pangi, squiddo, jaron, kaboodle, poafa, terrain, spepticle, woogie) and you could add or subtract a couple (pangi argued him out of bacon; uh, i do dispute,) but gosh that actully is a lot.

In conclusion Pangi's going to make a Flame Lore video and I hope it is Good and I can just point people at that when it's out 🙏

#flamefrags #lifesteal #lifesteal smp #lifesteal spoilers #meta #mine

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erinwantstowrite · 11 months ago

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hey how does it feel to have such a popular fic that gets hundreds of thousands of hits and people making fanart and sending asks and stuff? is it scary to know so many people are looking at your work? do you ever feel like you need to hold yourself to a certain standard so you dont disappoint people? or feel burnt out? (sorry if this is a weird ask, i love your work and was just wondering <3)

actually, it kind of is scary!

i'm not a stranger to a popular fic (...wattpad days are behind me) but now that i'm older i feel different about it? i guess? like as a kid, i didn't fully understand what it meant to have a lot of people looking at my stuff. but now i'm an adult and i'm like "oh!" it's scary but in a fun way?

i never expected for LoF or Home to get so popular, i've always just wrote for fun and practice. (i have a couple of original works that i've been working on as well, and fanfic is a great way to get creative juices flowing, etc.) seeing how far it's come in such a short amount of time is incredible, and i hope i can continue to inspire people like this with my other works. one day, maybe people will read my original works and feel the same they do about LoF :)

seeing all of the amazing artwork, tiktoks, and clothing!!! that people made!! of my designs!! (with permission lol) is so so so awesome. everyone is so talented, and i'm really grateful for it. it makes my day to see something that i wrote or drew has an impact on people enough to inspire them. when i first started writing, i was on the other side of that. now being the one who gets sent the asks and gets comments and love and stuff, it's so much fun!

i think it gets overwhelming only because i'm constantly aware that i'm just a person, at the end of the day. and that the bigger i get, the more responsibility that comes with it. my platform might be relatively small, but it's important that i use it in a good way.

it's why i don't make promises unless i know i can keep them. i don't keep an update schedule so i don't put pressure on myself, and i don't lose momentum or motivation. inspiration comes in waves, and i am at the mercy of that. keeping up with myself is the best way to ensure i can still create and have fun with it. the last thing i want is to disappoint anyone by making a promise and then having to take it back.

#erinwantstowrite #ao3 #leap of faith ao3 #ao3 fanfic #leap of faith catch me if you can #leap of faith #thank you for the ask!

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cherryblossomchronicles · 9 months ago

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The revelation of Seok-Ryu's past was a gut-wrenching blow.

Going from the high of deciding to spend the rest of your life with your partner to realizing you might not even have the time for that must have been devastating for her. But then choosing to not tell your best friend about it, your family? It would have totally crushed her to go through all of that alone and put a strong front for them.

“It’s okay Seok-Ryu, it’s not a big deal.

I’ll get better. I’ll tell them after I get better.

It’s not a big deal, its nothing.”

As an elder daughter, Seok-Ryu had internalized the societal expectation that she should be the pillar of strength for her family. This pressure to always be "okay" had become so ingrained in her that she felt compelled to hide her struggles. Her reassurances to herself that "it's not a big deal" were a desperate attempt to maintain a facade of normalcy.

This is such a consistent thing with elder daughters in a family. We must have it all planned, we must be able to solve everything, survive anything that we prefer to tell anyone about our problems when we have already solved them. This habit becomes so ingrained in us that we stop telling people even about the things that we should.

“I’m going to worry about a recurrence next year and the year after that.

Even if I remain in complete remission for five years, I won’t be completely free.

I’ll always be near death’s door. I am going to feel a little anxious and sad.

That’s how my life’s going to be.”

This is the life of a cancer survivor. Even if you’ve risen triumphant from the battle, war is not yet done – rather your entire life is now a war. You can’t rest it easy. Stress, anxiety and fear will constantly dog your steps and make a home in your routine. This is what Seok-Ryu’s reality look like with her mental health taking a steep nosedive due to her physical health. She had to let go of so many aspects of her life to deal with her new reality. All this while she was also dealing with her slowly crumbling relationship with Hyeon-Jun.

When she could finally let go of that threads tying her back to the toxic part of her life and decided to come home, she realized there is another battle that she must face – lying to everyone she loves day-in and day-out. And she did, pretended that everything is fine, that things didn’t work out for her, that she had burnout – that she came back due to workplace harassment. Everything was acceptable but the truth. That little nugget was something that no one could know about. For all the problems, scorns and disappointment that she had to face and go through, the reality of the hellscape her life turned to was known only to her and she was happy in that escape. Even if she had to pretend, make herself sick, avoid the situations and deny herself the things she wants, if she could believe that everything is back to normal for few moments – all of it would be worth it.

“That’s why I don’t need love anymore.

The stomach I have left can barely handle digesting my dream.”

In all this, one thing that made me immensely sad was her decision that she and her situation is the problem. What happened with Hyeon-Jun made her think that no relationship would be able to survive the stress that comes as a complimentary gift of being with her. And she? She swore off it. Everything is acceptable in her books, everything, but ruining her friendship with Choisseung.

She knows he likes her, she also remembered that she liked him first, in their past but she would rather be selfish and keep Seung-Hyo in her life as her friend. At least with it comes a guarantee that even if he gets angry, mad or furious with her, it’s all temporary. That their friendship is made of sterner stuff to crumble under this pressure. She can’t say the same about relationship and repeating the slow death of a relationship like the way she experienced is the last thing she wants to do. Especially when the person in question is someone, she holds very dear.

Having decided upon the truth about being with her, she went ahead to turn him down as gently as she could, crushing any hope while also trying to preserve as much of their friendship as she could.

Seok-Ryu wants. She wants to be happy. She wants to not have to worry. She wants to cook for a living. She wants to see her parents happy. She wants to see Seung-Hyo successful. But more than that – she wants to keep seeing that smile on his face and she knows being with her is the fastest way to lose it.

#Seok-Ryu – darling - you’ve suffered enough. Now time for you to get all that love you think you can’t digest #I just want to wrap her up in a blanket and get her all the love and care that she deserves #love next door #kdrama #bae seok ryu #jung somin

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branwyn-says · 3 months ago

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The Looming Present

Reposted from today's post (6 March 2025) on my (free) Substack

I was drafting a post about "craftivism". Makers are feeling pressured lately to respond to the Global Omnishambles in some way. (I like to make bracelets that say things like HOUSE PEOPLE and ELON MUSK IS A FAKE GOTH.) Makers are also feeling a strange pressure to become preppers on some level, since disaster readiness and crafting skills are somewhat overlapping spheres.

But any maker knows they can't be self-sufficient unless they make their own tools, and almost none of us have the means. Like if we’re talking about the utility of popular making skills in your average End Times bunker, most people are going to need to stockpile a lot of supplies. If you’re like me and you don’t have money to stock or a place to pile, that’s not possible. So you feel a kind of pressure to be useful that is not actually useful at all.

For example: the current state of Global Omnishambles made me buy a fucking loom. I can already cook, make simple garments, quilt, mend, care for children, tend the sick and the dying, sing and tell stories, grow stuff, provide mental health guidance, and make a little go a long way. But that doesn’t feel like enough, because nothing feels like enough when you’re poor and the future is unreadable. So I got a damn loom. Not a big one because again, where would I put it.

Now I can make tiny decorative tapestries out of unraveled crocheted blankets against the apocalypse, I guess.

(Not this loom. A less useful loom than this.)

Stopped working on the craftivism post. Too much like an essay. Don’t write essays anymore. I want to keep this blog as a public diary and as a record of my time. I want to connect with my readers. Not in that driven social media engagement way, but in the way of the old internet, where comment sections are conversations, not peanut galleries.

I've returned to Raleigh, after fleeing Raleigh in 2014. Am continually shocked by how often I experience a smell, a sound that I did not know I was homesick for. (The weather today, for instance. The warm grey humid balminess of Raleigh in tornado weather. You wouldn't think a body could miss a thing like that.) Am shocked every time I sniff a pile of sun-baked pine straw or get honked at by a Canada goose and find myself thinking, this is my home.

For much of my life I was not at home in myself, and therefore unable to be at home in any city or landscape. In Baltimore, there was time and space to do the necessary inner work. Now I'm back, and I'm me for the first time ever. I would be happier than I've ever been before, no matter where I was living. But here, I feel like the prodigal daughter returning to fatted calves and warm welcomes.

I also feel a little like a conqueror. Is that strange? Raleigh used to be full of things and people that made me feel like a failure of one kind or another. I do not feel like a failure anymore. I'm not intimidated by all these silver-haired dad bods with their tan slacks and pastel button-up shirts. They used to define the boundaries of what was possible for me to want or achieve. Now I put them in their place at the grocery store. It isn't as much fun as you'd think. Part of me expected everyone I left behind to grow into themselves just like I did. I'm mildly surprised and embarrassed for them when they insist on the old hierarchies. But what am I going to do—pretend I still fit in the box they made for me? Not in my nature.

I came back for a caregiver job that is more or less ideal for me. After years of unemployment, underemployment, and exploitative employment, I am constantly being thrown by how lightly the work sits on me, and by the miracle of having some resources of my own. I'm trying not to become too comfortable. Permanent security doesn't exist, especially for me, especially now.

I am monitoring the Omnishambles as best I can and trying to figure out what I need to be ready for. I'm learning how to defend myself and others and investing in my nursing skills. If I had money or property I would be doing other things. At the moment, I'm just pricing IFAKs. (Do I need the full trauma kit? How much saline solution can I make and what should I store it in. Etc.)

I'm making new friends and returning to the old ones with all my new gifts. Trying to build and rebuild connections. Aren’t we all just fucking lonely? Even if we have partners, don’t we miss having friends? Seeing each other, talking to each other without screens? I do. At last, my friends and I are in the same city. Communication without screens is again possible. I’m trying not to be lazy about taking advantage of those opportunities.

Irony is, I’m the happiest, fittest, strongest, and most grounded version of myself I've ever been. Sometimes I look at myself and I’m like: really? now? I’m 43 and the country is failing and here I am, coming into my own. What's all this strength for? How am I meant to use it?

(I’m using it to make shiny stuff rn but I have time to do other stuff too, you know?)

My orientation weekend, freshman year of college, I was sitting the chapel of the Methodist church, praying. My parents did not go to college. Getting me to college, paying for it, had been their goal and focus my whole life, and I felt invested with a burden. I had something to live up to. I had been raised conservative, educated to be a trad wife. Not allowed to wear pants until I was 14. People around me kept telling me that God had something incredible planned for me—why else would I be the way I am? (I have always been the kind of person for whom an explanation was necessary.)

But I came out of high school half-deprogrammed and working on the other half. I still believed in God. In my own destiny. I no longer believed in the framework my mother had given me for religion, or reality. I felt poised at a crossroads. So I said to God, use me. Whatever I’m meant for, and whatever it takes, I offer myself up to it now. Even if it hurts. I believed in divine providence with youthful simplicity. I didn’t think my pain was God’s doing, but I knew the pain had given me certain gifts. Use me. Make it all mean something. This was the prayer of the youthful prophet Elijah. It is the prayer of all saints. The vessel must be willing to be filled.

I was so unhappy and hurt for so long, and I worked and worked to find meaning, and now I’m bursting with it. Meaning for days. Meaning in excess. Joy in the morning and peace at night. Since 2019, I’ve finally had the bandwidth to do things besides tend my wounds. I’ve had lots of processing time. I’m not confused about things anymore.

There is no such thing as finding Your Purpose. We are all of us multi-purpose. I know some of mine. I’m looking for the others.

I've been working on a certain novel since 2006. There have been five or six drafts, two of which I finished. None of them were right. When I began writing, I asked myself the most crucial question of my own existence. Might have been slightly surprised to discover I wasn’t going to be able to answer that question at the age of 22. Two decades later: I know the answer. This is the draft I’m going to publish. I might end up publishing it for free. That’s how sure I am it has value. That’s how unsure I am that any of us have a future.

(Apparently, I have to be in Raleigh to write a novel. Prophets are not honored in their own country, but they are inspired there.)

I’m stalling, trying to think of a button to end the post. I keep forgetting I don't need those rules and formats anymore. I keep forgetting I came here to be free of the tyranny of Writing for Social Media.

Oh: here’s the button. Talk to me.

Literally talk to me. If we’re already acquainted, tell me what you’re up to. If you kind of know me, tell me things I don’t know. If you’re one of my tumblr/AO3 readers, tell me about yourself. My other homeland has always been the internet. This is the only house I’ll ever build anywhere. Come inside and stay awhile.

#Livejournal Is Dead #B.N. Harrison #global omnishambles #making

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lemurzsquad · 1 year ago

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Haikyuu High School Band AU (Karasuno)

I know I've seen this before, but I just HAVE to make my own version of this!!

Haikyuu High School Band AU!! Or at least headcanons on the characters

Starting off strong with Karasuno as a starting point (as much as I want to just do all my favorite characters first TvT), including the entire team and coaches and managers

Please lmk if you want to hear more about this au, and I'm happy to take asks for more headcanons or even story ideas!! (I do plan on writing more and for doing some of the other teams, albeit maybe not with such in depth headcanons and maybe not the entire teams)

(Also, small disclaimer, this is based almost exclusively on personal experience, and a lot of this is based on things that have actually happened to me/in my band gkhsbkj)

Karasuno:

#1 - Sawamura Daichi

Leadership: Band Captain/Section Leader

Concert: Tuba

Marching: Sousaphone

Jazz: Trombone

I feel like he'd totally play tuba and be in jazz on trombone, as well as being a band captain and section leader for the low brass (or just tubas if the band is big enough). Definitely gets "That's my band captain!!" yelled at him a lot, no matter what he does, and he's totally sick and tired of it. He is single-handedly the only reason the band hasn't fallen apart because he actually keeps close contact with everyone in leadership and makes sure stuff is organized. He also brought back running laps as a punishment, but he somehow made it such a thing that people would just join in pre-marching rehearsal laps.

In concert, he's probably first chair tuba in the highest band and thankfully actually knows his parts and is consistently called on to play shared parts with other sections by himself as an example.

As for jazz, I imagine he might not be in first chair, maybe even being on bass trombone, but he knows his part. Not perfectly, but he knows it well. He's also not the most flashy soloist; his solos are simple and solid and well-thought through (if they're improv-ed).

-----

#2 - Sugawara Koushi

Leadership: Head Drum Major

Concert: Bassoon

Marching: Flute

Marched flute his freshman and sophomore years before becoming a drum major his junior and senior years. While he tries (sometimes) to be serious and a good example, being in executive leadership, more often than not he's adding flourishes and shenanigans to his conducting whenever he feels like it and stealing Daichi's tuba, sousa, or trombone mouthpieces upon request from the non-low-brass underclassmen who aren't allowed in the low brass room where they're stored.

He also plays bassoon in concert in the highest band mostly because of a lack of bassoon players. Not to say he's bad---he is good at his instrument---but he also didn't have much competition. He's known for walking around the band room with a bassoon reed in his mouth and occasionally crowing on it (or putting multiple in his mouth and being almost as obnoxious as some of the other brass players). He always seems to have a pair of pliers or sandpaper during rehearsals, constantly adjusting his reeds whenever he's not playing---for better or for worse, especially when he overadjusts and doesn't have time to fix it before he has to play again.

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#3 - Azumane Asahi

Concert: Percussion

Marching: Front Ensemble (Mallots)

He managed to fly under the radar in terms of skill level until someone caught him practicing an insane marimba solo for fun when he thought no one else was in the band room. And then obviously he got stuck getting tons of mallot solos, quickly becoming the band's most prized percussionist. He's always terrified when doing solos, especially in front of judges by himself, but is absolutely in the zone when he's performing in concert or marching band, entirely focused on playing and nothing else.

At some point, the pressure got to be too much and he quit band for a year. Prior, he had been assigned primarily to more auxilary percussion instruments, so when he was suddenly expected to be this amazing player after one encounter, he caved and dropped the class. Fortunately, when the underclassmen discovered he used to be a great player, they managed to drag him back, and Takeda happily got him a schedule change to bring him back into band.

Now, he spends a lot of time hidden away in the percussion room, often interrupted by Noya, with headphones on and practicing his mallot parts. The band relied on him, after all, and he couldn't let them down.

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#4 - Nishinoya Yuu

Concert: Percussion

Marching: Lead Snare

Jazz: Rhythm (Drumset)

One of those crazy good percussionists that just seemed to show up one day with an insane talent for drumset and drums in general. While he struggles in concert to read rhythms (often improv-ing them instead, which often gets him a stern look from their band director, Ukai), he has a natural knack for drumset and setting up the jazz band with a solid backing.

In concert, he loves to play the big percussion instruments, like gong, bass drum, or timpanis, but he's content with anything that's loud and stands out (slapstick, flexitone, castanets; if you know, you know). He seems to always be late for rehearsals, usually with a snack, smoothie, or full on fast food meal that he brings into the band room and immediately gets chewed out for for bringing open food into the band room.

He somehow ended up on lead snare for marching despite wanting to play tenors or bass drum because they needed someone with really good tempo and feet timing, as well as skill on the drums, in order to line up with and help the drum majors keep the band in time out on the field.

In jazz, he essentially only plays the drums, having no particular skills on vibraphone or piano. So when rhythm rotates and someone else is on drumset, he often has to sit out if there isn't another set of drums needed for the chart.

He seems to never leave the band room, similar to Asahi, except he doesn't actually seem to do anything except cause problems. If he's not confined to the percussion room, spending time with Asahi, he's on a drumset somewhere in the band room or helping the underclassmen pull pranks (no he definitely was not the reason there were tons of stickers of Ukai's face now being distributed among the band).

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#5 - Tanaka Ryuunosuke

Concert: Alto Saxophone

Marching: Alto Saxophone

Jazz: Alto/Soprano Saxophone

Ah yes, the bane of every band director's existence: that one loud alto sax player. Is he good at his instrument? Yes. Does that make him any less obnoxious? Absolutely not. He practically carries the entire marching alto section out on the field with how loud he plays (for better or for worse) and is constantly told to play quieter, play less aggressive, soften the articulation, just chill out a little bit. He is, shockingly, usually the first to marching rehearsal (sometimes throwing a ball with some others on the field before it starts) and probably the most hyped out of anyone. This does not, however, stop him from being late to stretch block despite being there earlier than anyone.

He is very well known for trying to play every instrument that isn't his. At least once a week, he's trying to convince someone to let him play their trombone, bari sax, trumpet, bass clarinet. Many times has he been lectured by Daichi for playing other people's instruments, especially when Band Plague (tm) is circulating.

He plays lead alto in jazz. It's a miracle they let him play soprano sax in jazz, but they really couldn't pick anyone else that had the same skill for jazz and improv as he had. He and Noya are a duo that should not be messed with or underestimated, especially if they're assigned to the same combo.

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#6 - Ennoshita Chikara

Leadership: Quartermaster, eventually Band Captain/Section Leader

Concert: Euphonium

Marching: Trombone

Getting the instruments right for him was hard, but I could honestly only see him playing trombone and euph. It's kind of a mystery how he ended up as a quartermaster after putting in his leadership application, but him lugging around equipment and setting things up quickly became a very common sight. He proved himself to be extremely reliable, and Daichi would often go to him for advice and to make sure everything was set up and ready to go. When he becomes band captain and section leader, it was very natural; the irony was having two low brass band captains in a row, which isn't the most common sight.

He's probably what would be considered the model band student, which is most likely the reason he is assigned to executive leadership. He's always on time, always the last to leave after helping clean up the band room and put chairs and stands away (that no one else bothers to). He diligently practices his concert and marching music, which does land him with his fair share of solos. He's the best euphonium player they have in the highest band simply due to his dedication. He does, however, seem to have a sixth sense for misbehavior, and he's scared a number of band kids when he suddenly appears just as they're breaking the rules.

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#7 - Kinoshita Hisashi

Concert: Alto Saxophone

Marching: Alto Saxophone

Jazz: Alto Saxophone

Kind of just your average, quiet alto player. The problems lie in who he has to be around consistently: Tanaka. Their lockers are next to each other, and he's always second to Tanaka. He really doesn't mind, he just wishes when the "altos" get yelled at, they would specify "just Tanaka." Fortunately, he's a decent player---albeit often told to play louder on his second alto part---so the attention usually isn't on him very much.

He's often found outside the band room by the vending machine, usually doing homework or chatting with Narita (and Ennoshita if he's not practicing, which he usually is). He prefers to practice at home, so he brings his instrument almost everyday. Even if he is (definitely) a better concert alto than Tanaka, he doesn't bother challenging him for his chair because he knows he will never hear the end of it. Better to keep the peace, he thinks. Second alto isn't such a bad part to play.

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#8 - Narita Kazuhito

Concert: Oboe

Marching: Baritone Saxophone

Jazz: Baritone Saxophone

Another quiet but strong player, he's a very reliable oboe and bari sax player (the double reed to saxophone pipeline is very present). Initially, he never expected to play bari sax after spending middle school playing oboe and alto sax for concert and marching, but when Ukai became band director, he decided they needed more low reeds. So, he ended up picking up bark sax when he joined jazz in sophomore year and really enjoyed it, enough to start marching it.

While he's still second chair oboe behind Kiyoko in the highest ensemble, he does often end up being the only oboe when she switches to English horn for some pieces. He's had to learn a lot in terms of being confident in his part and not leaning on more experienced players. Jazz band helped with this as well given the standard big band only has one bari sax; he can't always rely on having Daichi on bass trombone sometimes to back him up, especially not in sax features.

His locker is actually next to Kinoshita's despite it being one of the massive bari sax lockers, and seeing a tiny oboe case on top of a giant bari sax case is always entertaining. He also probably rarely uses an actual school locker with how much space he has in his band locker (even if he's not there super and they're technically not supposed to store non-band things in there). I imagine he doesn't spend more time in the band room than he has to most of the time---no particular reason against it, he just doesn't see the need to be there.

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#9 - Kageyama Tobio

Leadership: Section Leader

Concert: Clarinet, Bass/Contrabass Clarinet

Marching: Clarinet, Mellophone

Every band has that one person that can play way too many instruments and takes the "give me five minutes and a fingering chart" phrase way to literally. That person at Karasuno is Kageyama. While his primary instrument is---and always will be---clarinet, he picks up other instruments pretty quickly given the chance: piano, saxophone, flute, trumpet, and mellophone in particular. In concert, he is the best clarinet player the band has, which gives him opportunities to play bass clarinet (if they don't already have one) and contrabass clarinet when it's needed, at least when the parts are particularly vital and they need a solid player.

During marching season, he marched clarinet as well, becoming section leader in his junior year. He did, however, start investing in playing mellophone with the intention of going into DCI---essentially professional marching band---when he graduated. While some of the woodwinds gave him flack for starting to learn a brass instrument, they couldn't deny that he did get pretty good at it.

He is always in the band room, practicing or otherwise, and if he's there, then so is Hinata. They constantly seem to be competing about something even though there's no real basis of comparison considering they don't really play the same instruments. This does not stop them, however. Often, they will have to be yelled at to go home and get out by Daichi (and eventually Ennoshita and Yamaguchi) and their band directors so that they can also go home.

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#10 - Hinata Shouyou

Concert: Trumpet

Marching: Trumpet

Jazz: Trumpet

(As much as I loved the idea of giving him bari sax,) I had to give him trumpet because this kid is absolutely obsessed with DCI. He wants nothing more than to be the absolute best so that he can march out there with the best of the best. His playing style is overzealous most of the time, but he has skills built up from years of teaching himself. They are far from the conventional methods of a classical private teacher or band director (since his middle school essentially had no real band class and barely enough to keep the class on the roster). He joined jazz as just another chance to play trumpet during the day and have more pieces and charts to play. Any excuse to be playing.

He is very loud, to the point where his playing is instantly recognizable even from outside the band room. He actually struggles quite a bit to play proper swing in jazz, to Ukai's frustration. If he's ever given solos, it will be on a Latin or shuffle or any chart without a strong swing. In concert, however, he is given almost every trumpet solo under the sun, especially with Ukai picking pieces specifically to cater to giving both him and Kageyama solos and features.

Hinata takes every opportunity to try and compete with Kageyama, to the dismay of everyone around them. Made worse by the fact the underclassmen ended up with last pick of lockers and the only available ones were next to each other, they always seem to be bickering about something. Kageyama had tried to ignore it, but eventually gave into the competitive spirit, and both are known to be constantly practicing to show up the other. Every cracked note is met with a perfectly in tune melody, and every solo is met with a perfect rendition of the background part.

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#11 - Tsukishima Kei

Concert: French Horn

Marching: Clarinet, Mellophone

Arguably the weirdest combination of instruments, he prefers to play a few instruments that he can get really good at than be like Kageyama who is very good at a couple and pretty okay at a handful of others. He never really showed insterest in leadership, preferring to focus on himself. Being in the highest band, especially in first chair, means he constantly has to see Hinata and Kageyama, but he doesn't mind as much since Yamaguchi is also there. Why he started marching clarinet as opposed to mellophone is a mystery to most, although Yams will claim it's because he didn't want to have to hold up a brass instrument out of the field so his arms would hurt less.

Unfortunately, marching clarinet meant he had to be around Kageyama, but as long as they didn't have to sit next to each other in concert band, he was fine with being in the same section out on the field. Until Kageyama became section leader and gained some level of authority over him, which led him to switch to the standard french horn alternative: mellophone. Some called him petty, but he just shrugged it off.

His indifferent attitude---and the fact that he never seemed to be in the band room---might have led to assumptions that he didn't care, but others were not aware of the personal french horn he practices on regularly at home, away from the prying eyes in the band room. He opted, rather, to use a school-owned horn in class, only bringing his own for concerts (not that anyone paid enough attention to notice aside from his own section, but they want nothing to do with any backlash from anyone for revealing this).

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#12 - Yamaguchi Tadashi

Leadership: Uniform Staff, eventually Band Captain/Section Leader

Concert: Tenor Saxophone

Marching: Tenor Saxophone

While entering high school as a perhaps below average tenor sax player, he managed to distinguish himself as a very perserverant player by the time he got to his junior year. Rather than relying on natural talent, he put in the work to get to be one of the top saxophonists---not the best, but he was certainly not to be looked down upon. Especially when he made up for what he lacked instead with his leadership skills. He practically redefined the role of uniform staff (a role that initially just meant "know how to fold uniforms and check that they're put away correctly") into something that actually took initiative in managing uniforms and allocating duties.

If anyone had met him in his freshman year, they would never have said he would become such a good leader or player, but he became that regardless. He and Tsukki tended not to spend excessive amounts of time in the band room until their senior year when Yams had to be the first there and the last to leave as band captain, so Tsukki often assisted and stayed with him so he wasn't by himself once the other section leaders had left.

He actually made it a point to learn bari sax and bass clarinet (at least in terms of knowing the basics and how to transpose from concert pitch to Eb and vice versa) to be a better low reeds section leader. He may seem sweet, but he has more than earned the respect of his band---and there is a reason they don't mess with him because it can never end well. It's also how the band room is spotless by the end of every day.

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Shimizu Kiyoko

Leadership: Librarian

Concert: Oboe/English Horn

Marching: Front Ensemble (Keyboard)

Jazz: Rhythm (Piano/Keyboard/Vibraphone)

The absolute model student and kid in band (not to be confused with a band kid). She plays oboe and English horn in concert, but her skills from years of piano lessons still landed her on piano parts. As a librarian, she constantly organizes and finds music and makes copies for all of the bands for the band directors and even occasionally the orchestra; when Yachi also became a librarian, she did her best to train her, and they were able to split up the workload much more reasonably.

She is easily the best oboe player not just in the school but the county. Oboe and English horn solos are commonplace in the pieces that are chosen for the highest band specifically for her. In jazz, she typically plays piano or keyboard but branched out into vibraphone when percussion did their instrument rotations. In marching, she stands in the front, headphones on, playing keyboard with the rest of the front ensemble.

Despite not being on executive leadership, she is still well-respected and very rarely left out of the loop on important issues and discussions, being a somewhat honorary member of upper leadership.

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Yachi Hitoka

Leadership: Librarian

Concert: Flute

Marching: Flute

Jazz: Trumpet, Flute

Poor Yachi, she was not ready for how intense Karasuno's band would be and how seriously they take the program. But she quickly got used to it, practically adopted into the main group, namely when she joined jazz after her first year and became a librarian. Since there typically isn't a designated flute player in a big band set-up, she opted to learn trumpet with the help of Hinata when he found out she joined the lower jazz band as a beginner. With his help, she got to be a decent intermediate player, occasionally playing flute on the off chance a chart called for it in the instrumentation.

She became more outgoing slowly but surely, somehow suddenly ending up with friends and acquaintances in almost every section and ensemble---Kiyoko thinks it's because the boys are rubbing off on her. Becoming a librarian also really helped in learning names and faces so she can get music and dot cards to the right people. By the end of her time in high school, it seemed that everyone at least knew her name or face with how much time she spent in the band room doing homework, helping out band kids and the band directors, and keeping everything organized.

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Takeda Ittetsu

Position: Assistant Band Director, Orchestra Director

Teaches: Orchestra, Symphonic Winds (2nd band), Music Theory, Jazz Band (lower)

Instrument: Cello, Trombone

Band was certainly not his first calling, considering he played cello in high school. When the previous Director Ukai retired, Karasuno struggled to find another teacher to replace him, thus their orchestra director took the place for a time until he managed to track down the current Ukai. With the extent of his experience with band being the instruments he learned for his degree in Music Education, he struggled, to say the least. But with the help of the students and other staff members (and the temporary band director that filled in for a while), he made it work the best that he could. He did start to get better at trombone (the wind instrument he enjoyed the most in his college music ed classes) so he had at least some band experience.

He did a lot for the program in terms of finding places and gigs for them to perform at, adding more marching competitions to the schedule and finding more performance opportunities for the bands and individuals. Despite the couple of years of transition that led to the band program losing many members, especially experienced players who graduated, it was eventually built up again.

After he brought Ukai on board, he had more time to invest in the orchestra program like he had before while still teaching the middle level band, the lower jazz band, and the Music Theory class. His insight on and relationships with the band members was invaluable, however, to help make decisions on leadership and ensemble placements.

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Ukai Keishin

Position: Head Band Director

Teaches: Concert Band (3rd band), Wind Ensemble (1st band), Jazz Band (upper), Percussion

Instrument: Trombone, Euphonium

It took a lot of convincing for him to get on board with becoming a band director, but it was one of the best things that could have happened to Karasuno. Having a solid band director who had lived and breathed band when he was younger (and a father who was the previous band director at that very school for many years) was exactly what the program needed to finally rebuild. He may not be the best conductor or organizer, but he does pick challenging and achievable music to push the bands to be better. The jazz band in particular soared, many joining to get a taste of its success under new leadership. Despite not getting to choose leadership the year that he joined (that being established the year prior), he was not afraid to keep a tight reign over those that were not doing what they needed to in their positions.

Through high school, he played trombone, being a skilled jazz and concert trombonist. He picked up euphonium for concert band in late high school and college and for some community ensembles he joined. He is also very knowledgeable of marching band, helping write one of the best shows the band had had the chance to perform in years.

He teaches the lowest and highest bands as well as the top jazz band and the percussion class. Takeda makes it a point to get him to organize joint band and orchestra events in order to bring the programs closer, specifically having a full orchestra (something students from both always asked about and looked forward to) and concerts where they both perform. The jazz band also got many opportunities for gigs and other performances, and the wind ensemble got chances to be a showcase band at band events and camps on more than one occasion. Parades were also events they got chances to perform at because of him (and Takeda's persistence, of course).

Thank you for reading!! <3

If you'd like to add to this or share your thoughts, please lmk!!

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poupeesdecirque · 1 year ago

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Hobby Update.

For quite some time I have been sitting on a drafted hobby update entry, I wrote it back in October.

I took the last step this week and left one hobby space I loved for years.

I can tell 2023 was a quite difficult year for me in doll hobby terms, well, on the social side. A lot of things have changed.

For the last week, since I left the space, feel like a huge load fell off my chest, it's coincidence that a lot of things arrived this week and some orders finally came to an end, it's still on going in some cases but I can tell I feel ... free?

My close friends know I have been struggling with a lot of things in hobby terms as I am trying to care for myself more and some people were constantly poisoning my mind.

My conclusion right now is I love my creative hobbies, I don't want to end any of all but I also don't want to feel like I need to hide my decisions. I know I don't need to but being reduced to just "having a lot of" while I am using the dolls as blank canvas and learned how to sculpt my own head, learned to do face ups, to make wigs, full clothing sets, I draw, I write, I take photos, I can use my knowledge on cosplay and cosplay knowledge on the dolls. I am versatile. Also it's my way to cope with stress. I am stressed I draw, I sew, I write. Take that away from me and I will become a braindead mess.

2023 showed me that I hate certain parts of the doll community, I hate the binge & purge mindset, I hate that you are reduced to be a "content creator", I am not. I don't put out mindless stuff I pour my heart into every creation, every photo, every display, every drawing.

People have expectations of me, and I can't and won't cater their interests anymore. I got shit for so many things and I want to step away from that. Disconnecting from the community is the best I can do right now. Will I return? I can't tell that now. I need my distance for now.

I want to create my own little cosy places and I am thankful for everyone who became a friend with me during the last years.

2024 will be full of dolls, full of fun projects, full of sewing, crafting, creating, full of cosplay, full of traveling. It will be full of meeting friends, learning new things, challeging myself.

I want to get this off my chest as well. If you are interested in a glimpse of my feelings during the last months... behind the cut is the old entry.

Here is my original drafted journal from the 24th October.

For those who are knowing me for longer (and with that I mean longer than this blog here exist) there is the fact I cut ties with several communities over the years. Not only doll ones but different too. It all had several reasons over the last two decades but I won't go that much into detail here.

I am about to do the same again and I know I don't owe anyone an explanation why, but I need to get it out of my head and that's what I made this blog for in the first place. This is subjective I will not discuss anything about it and you can't change how I perceive it, I know I have my flaws too, not innocent, no saint. I just want to get steam off. Thanks.

Don't read further if just the pure art content interests you :)

Two years ago I had a literal doll burn out, I overstressed myself with keeping up on releases "because omg they are so cool" and pressured myself to get customs done in inhumane speed, that sucked all energy from me and I only saw mistakes and hated my work.

It was the time I picked up watching Anime again and fell into DGM and that brought me my love for not only Anime/Mana back but also for the dolls. My focus shifted into doing fan based dolls again. I can say my relationship with OC dolls isn't on par with what it was before the burn out but I will come to that later on.

In the last two years the hobby changed, not only because I had a different approach to it but because of the people who joined the places I used to socialize within the hobby.

First the type, who is annyoing, but well you can ignore quite well. It's people who glorify buying every clothing fullset they can get their hands on and the only love they show for the hobby is actually telling everyone to do the same and just buy half of taobao, like they do. I know people like this were common in before but it got out of hand the last years. You don't buy from taobao? You don't even consider it? Well, you are not part of the club anymore. We always had brand snobs, nothing new. But the amount of energy regarding taobao got quite annyoing.

That's a thing you can ignore, as mentioned, what I can't ignore is stealing ideas or telling lies or just downtalking every release you come across.

And those three type of people is what just makes me leave the hobby spaces I am in.

First of all if something goes wrong just have the balls to apologize to everyone who is involved. Don't go telling lies, don't go and show you basically do what you said I can't do just in another shape. This behaviour took something from me I loved within the hobby: seeing how people grow with their dolls, because I had to block whole areas as I got constantly reminded of person X. I was reminded of situations, of being told my opinion doesn't matter, several times, I got reminded that handcraft work means nothing as long as you can sculpt on a pc and just vomit out products to hide the fact you messed up something else. Oh and of course the "how can't you have time for fast progress"? Coming from a burn out trying to slow down while the real life basically ate me ... ahaha. thanks. And all that despite the fact the people who are causing those problems for me are protected by everyone, oh beware if you dare to say a word. It started with one person and got a bigger mess over the time.

This overall leads to the fact that somehow almost all preorders from non-Asian artists were all super chewy or went horribily wrong for me in the last 3 years. Started with ZeligenArt whom at least popped up after calling out, the clusterfuck with IntotheDeepDolls to the failed Preorder with AceofDolls to Logan.Dolls taking forever with several reminders, or the one with LenaRuiiz I'm still in I literally don't have the nerves to go into details here anymore as it just tires me out. Oh and the post eating my Parcel from Mirror didn't help much either, but that was out of control for us both and Mirror replaced the lost heads for me and just send them out. I don't have the patience for this anymore, I just want them all to be done. That's the reason why I kept pushing back some dolls, normally I do them by arrival. In one(!) preorder case I was asked directly(!) if I want a refund instead of my heads, but I was waiting for 1 1/2 years now, I didn't want to end up with nothing/or even less than I have begun with.

Then we have the audacity of people using other people's creations as their own and only mentioning it briefly, after they got popular with the doll/character "they" have created. If you have references just tell people you have used them. There is nothing wrong with that.

I can't overlook the fact of people 1:1 taking someone's character and slapping on another name and calling them theirs though. There is something going very wrong here.

Then we have the people being nasty about releases that don't fit their aesthetics (yes I am aware this is a thing for years, don't come at me I was member of Den of Demons I know the drill), comparing them to real people and downtalking people they never met and never will understand their beauty standards.

Those 4 types are ruining what I learned to love after leaving the bitch fights of my local community. The support, the open ears, the - we grow together - even when we have different tastes. I miss that.

I know i have withdrawn from telling my OC's backstories as there were too many putting their expectations on how I have to do dolls onto me. I stopped sharing even more photos ... which resulted in people thinking I'm just that one person with a lot of dolls. Sigh. I know growing a thick skin, I'm healing from being a people pleaser and all but in the end ...

i love the dolls. I love the hobby. I love being creative, I love sharing my joy, I love seeing how other people get inspired, how they grow and not this "fast"-fashion type of mentality that somehow came into the hobby. I hate THAT.

I love the people I met and have conversations with, but I don't love how I feel like not part of the hobby anymore, like someone like me don't have space anymore because I just want to have fun, I don't want to buy brand x, and I don't want to be urged to buy size Y, I don't want to reduced to the number of dolls I have - because every finished doll is a huge project for me, all tell a story, some a whole epic book some more just a small article. Because I don't want to be a sassy asshole, because I can't read the irony among the lines when people making fun of me, I take this literally.

I just have no idea anymore if there is a space for me. As I write this I have unboxed a new head and the excitement of having it here, it's still there, I love the hobby, but fell out of love with what the community space - that once felt like home to me - has become.

I will continue my blog, as I like to see my own progress and smile at what I have created. And as long as just one person maybe smiles at my creations or is inspired, or I can help with what I have written down I know it's worth sharing.

... I just want to enjoy my hobby.

There is a ton more going on, my head is full of thoughts, but getting at least this out of my head here might help to sort my feelings.

#blog

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jaladwolf · 8 months ago

Note

Can u talk more about your fnaf agere au? And If anybody else regress on the pizzaria?

This ask has given me motivation, and now I shall reward you with this.

AU Explanation here!

After Goldie began regressing, Henry made a little daycare-like space out of a spare room for other regressors. I’ll let you imagine what it looks like.

Of course, not everyone is akin with the whole age regression thing. Most of the main cast, including supposed “villains” Foxy and Shadow are completely fine it. But some characters and OCs that I plan on adding either see it as an excuse to get away with stuff or as some gross fantasy while others… well, they say they support it but in reality, they shouldn’t be allowed within 3 feet of an age regressor.

Speaking of age regressors, let’s list them off shall we?

First up is Goldie of course! As most of you know, his little age is around 5-7. His personality doesn’t change that much (only another regressor might be able to notice it). For example, his pranks would be more lighthearted, such as taping silly pictures on the walls or decorating someone’s face with stickers. Freddy’s a bit less harsh on him because he’s aware that certain words and actions can trigger his regression. Same goes for Foxy, though he does have trouble controlling his hatred towards the golden prankster. Bonnie is one of his caregivers, along with TC and Mike. Next is Finn! His little age is about 2-4, making him one of the youngest in age regression. But the difference here is that he’s also a puppy regressor. Basically, it means Finn acts like a puppy when he regresses. For example, playing with a toy ball or chew toy, curling up next to them when he’s tired. Basically, he’s playful, curious and just all around happier when he’s in little space. Goldie is often his play buddy whenever he regresses and Mari is one of his caregivers, along with Dottie and my OC Julie (who despite her often neutral expression, would literally kill for him). And finally we have Pete, who surprise, surprise, is a flip! This means he’s both a caregiver and an age regressor. His little age is around 7-9, making him the oldest out the current age regressors. When he and Dottie were transferred to Freddy Fazbear’s following an investigation of the boss, Marcus Stein (dude hasn’t been arrested yet, but it’s coming no doubt about it), the constant strain of trying to put on a tough act wasn’t working as well as he wanted it to and one day, he ended up having a mental breakdown. So yeah, he’s been regressing as a way to cope with everything. He usually avoids being touched whenever he’s not in little, but he is kinda touch starved, just like Shadow Freddy in a way. Also, due to the constant pressure and expectation of being a perfect animatronic performer back at his old establishments, he constantly strives for validation and approval, both in and out of little space. Okay I think that’s everything. Sorry this took so long dear anon, school has been keeping me busy.. 😤

#ask goldie anything #ask goldie anything au #aga au #sfw agere #fnaf agere

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timeoverload · 1 year ago

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I had to leave work around 10:30 this morning. I tried so hard to keep moving but I couldn't do it. I can't stand for very long and it's hard to keep my balance. Last night my sock was blood stained when I took my shoes off even though I don't have any visible wounds so I'm not sure where that's coming from. It happened again today even though I wasn't on my feet as long. My leg won't stop vibrating. I felt so guilty leaving. The pressure on my bladder is worse today and I had to keep rushing to the bathroom. Sorry for sharing that information but it's really uncomfortable. I know I don't have a UTI because I took a test when I got home.

I am going to the spine specialist in the morning and I'm going to try to get in for an injection on Friday. I don't know how the hell I'm going to pay for it. They won't schedule me any more appointments if any of my bills go to collections so I need to get on top of it right away. I don't want to get my injection alone!!! I want someone there to take care of me!! :'( I hope I don't get a spinal headache this time.

I knew something bad was going to happen. I'm so tired of going through this alone. My dad is the only person that has actually been there to help me. I wish I didn't have to ask him to help me all the time. He already has so many other things to worry about. I haven't been able to drive anywhere for weeks due to the snow either. I have a lot of errands to run but I don't expect him to drive me everywhere.

I'm also feeling pissed off at the world because I have to go through all of this without anything to relieve my pain or stop my muscle spasms. I am so uncomfortable!! I wish I lived in Colorado or something... I want to run away sometimes but I know I couldn't do it financially. It's not fair!!! I don't really drink anymore either and it's been over a month since I had a beer. I can't remember the last time I got drunk.

I feel like I will be trapped in this prison (my bedroom) forever. I feel like a feral animal locked in a cage. My mess keeps growing and maybe if I'm lucky it will eventually just suffocate me while I'm sleeping. How the fuck am I supposed to clean when I'm like this?? I have to keep ordering more clothes and I have probably spent thousands of dollars over the past year. I lost track. I don't want to keep doing that and I could have used that money to pay off a lot of my debt. I don't have a choice because I'm not going to wear dirty clothes. I haven't felt good enough to put the new mattress pad on my bed that I bought like 6 months ago and I couldn't get the old one off so I just ripped it in half so I have a space to sit. I don't have sheets on my bed and I just have to lay on blankets. There is so much stuff on my bed that I can't use the other side. How am I supposed to do anything?? I am pathetic. I don't think anyone realizes how bad it is or takes me seriously. I wish someone would put me out of my misery sometimes. I am not going to hurt myself but existing is pretty terrible right now.

I don't think I would be so nasty and angry if I wasn't in so much pain constantly. I don't think people understand that. I'm generally the sweetest person and I try to be kind to everyone but I know I haven't acted that way lately. I feel like I have been very mean and I'm getting worse so I'm sorry for that. No one knows what it's like until it happens to them. Literally anyone can become disabled at any time so don't take anything for granted.

I remember years ago I had a co-worker who had been working in sterile processing for 15 years and she was such a bitch to me all the time and was hard to be around. I was afraid of her. I understand now why she was like that... she was in a lot of pain too. I definitely have a lot more empathy for her now. I hope she is doing better now wherever she is. I've also taken care of a lot of sick people and I know that pain can bring out the worst in someone. People tend to lash out more often when they are desperate for relief because they get ignored otherwise.

My head is killing me because I am dehydrated since I keep having to go to the bathroom almost every hour. It's making me dizzy. I'm glad I don't have to go to work tomorrow because I would probably cry. I managed to take a shower when I got home but it didn't really help me feel better. I think I am going to sleep the rest of the day. I had breakfast but I don't feel like eating anything else today and I don't care about food now. I hate eating. I don't want to be awake anymore because it's depressing and I have no desire to do anything. I'm sorry for being such a downer but this is just how my life is and I don't think it's going to change any time soon.

Hopefully everyone else is having a much better day than I am... thank you for listening to me vent. 💖💖💖

#personal

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mwolf0epsilon · 2 years ago

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20 questions!

Tagged by @corvod , this should be fun!

How many works do you have on AO3?

35 written works.

What’s your total AO3 word count?

589,410 exactly.

What fandoms do you write for?

Currently it's just Star Wars stuff.

What are your top five fics by kudos?

-The Joey Drew Studios Unused Reel Collection (BATIM drabbles) -Of Clones and Collateral Damage (TCW Whumptober drabbles) -There's a War Out There (TCW Whumptober drabbles) -The Frog Trooper (TCW fic where Dogma is turned into a frog) -In Which Fives's Coping Mechanism Accidentally Saves a Galaxy Far Far Away (TCW fix-It fic where Fives gets into a ridiculously situation)

Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

I try to respond to comments but sometimes when I'm in a bad funk I end up forgetting for a while. I just think it's nice to respond to anyone who was nice enough to leave their thoughts.

What’s the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

I am currently working on it :)

What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Definitely The Frog Trooper!

Do you get hate on fics?

Hmm, I haven't seen anything super negative yet and hope I don't in the near future...

Do you write smut? If so what kind?

Very rarely and I don't usually share because it's a little embarrassing...

Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

When I was younger I would daydream about crossovers constantly, but putting it into an actual fic would be a little hard to keep up with.

Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not yet I haven't, and hope it never happens.

Have you ever had a fic translated?

Nope.

Have you ever cowritten a fic before?

In my DA days I did. But due to changing accounts I lost my parts of that fic, which I think my co-writer is still angry about to this day despite the situation that lead me to changing accounts being pretty difficult...

What’s your all-time favourite ship?

Depends on what I'm feeling, but right now I'm quite partial to Hogma (Hondo Ohnaka x Dogma) and Alphobi (Alpha-17 and Obi-wan Kenobi)

What’s a WIP you want to finish, but doubt you ever will?

All of my WIPS go through that process so I can't really name any for sure, because you never know...

What are your writing strengths?

Probably dialogue. I get really into it, more so than the rest of the story ^^;

What are your writing weaknesses?

Pacing, structuring and the occasional grammatical slip-up that comes from English not being my native language.

Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

I've written some Portuguese and Spanish dialog on occasion. But in star wars fics thus far I've sprinkled Mando'a here and there. I think it adds flavor because you can't expect everyone to speak english. That's not how it works.

First fandom you wrote for?

I honest to god can't remember. I was writing fanfics since I was a tiny kid with no real archive.

Favourite fic you’ve ever written?

The Frog Trooper is my pride and joy, and I am honestly happy it's one of my top 5 hits.

No pressure tags: @british-hero , @milfcutlawquane and @gaeasun

#Tag Game

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stellocchia · 4 years ago

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I think it's been more than two months since I pushed my "Wilbur is remembered far more competent than he is" agenda in your asks.

So let's rectify that, shall we?

Wilbur is pretty fucking incompetent. He's never been that amazing charismatic smooth talker we characterize him as (not that I'm not absolutely behind that too)

Like. Who did he ever successfully smoothtalk? The Lmanbergians? None of them were ever hesitant to join from the very beginning and Eret betrayed them pretty easily when Dream manipulated them.

Techno? Techno wanted to join them, he was the one who reached out to them. There was no convincing needed and Wilbur never convinces Techno of anything Techno wasn't already willing to do by himself.

Dream? Definitely not during the revolution and Dream's support during Pogtopia was Dream following his own agenda, not being influenced by Wilbur in any way.

He couldn't even get Quackity to let him into Las Nevadas.

Nah, the only person Wilbur ever smooth talked is TommyInnit. The fucking powerhouse of this cell. And even that's not completely true. Tommy hasn't been convinced by Wilbur of anything since the very beginning of the Lmanberg revolution. Not during Pogtopia. And not even now (it's not smooth talking if it's just exploiting mental exhaustion and trauma and all that. Tommy isn't convinced of what they're doing.)

Really. Not even Tommy, per se.

He just got Tommy extremely loyal and attached to him.

And honestly, that's all he needs.

You don't need to have influence over everyone, you just need to have strong influence over the right person.

And that's what Wilbur had and has.

Wilbur's accomplishments are just pretty much him having a vision and Tommy throwing himself at it to make it come true.

Wilbur had the idea for L'manberg but Tommy was the one leading the troops. Tommy was the one who negotiated for their independence and got it when Wilbur was negotiating their surrender. Tommy was the one who FOR NO REASON built the escape tunnel they escaped through when Dream blew up L'manberg and he was the one who built the lil panic room at the end. Tommy was the one who's home became the embassy to L'manberg (something Wilbur very much pressured and kinda manipulated him into btw. I'm never not gonna mention that lil detail when the embassy comes up)

Wilbur had the idea and stood around looking pretty. My guy literally stood around looking pretty, without armor, during battles. Just. I love him.

And let's not forget that Tommy was fckin great at being the general. The SMP was so much better equipped and still, L'manberg was kinda winning. To the extend that Dream saw the need for TnT (which was hidden) and the betrayal through Eret (which was hidden)

Dream felt the need to pull two deceitful moves to keep if not even gain the upper hand.

If I'm not mixing stuff up here, correct me if I'm wrong.

And stuff like the tunnel weren't even expected of Tommy. My boy just thought of that on his own and did it on his own. Noone knew it existed. Noone expected it to exist.

After independence Wilbur is implied to have been leading but he generally wasn't around too much. Tommy was keeping order in the more face to face kinda way. He tried to navigate people's personal conflicts and make sure things didn't escalate and just. He did so well.

And Pogtopia? Oh, Pogtopia.

It's a bit more difficult here, since they were no longer on exactly the same side and goals are more muddled but still.

(and I want to make it clear that I'm in no way trying to shame Wilbur for mental health issues or anything. This isn't about that. I'd never fucking even imply that)

Tommy kept morale high. He made sure that other people were fine, when there was a chance. He tried to reassure Wilbur when Wilbur was spiraling, he asked Tubbo if he was happier, he told Tubbo to be safe, he recruited Quackity when he saw the chance while making sure that Quackity's intentions were sincere enough (he didn't just naively offer Quackity a place in Pogtopia and risk it being a trap).

He avoided any kind of destruction to L'manberg as much as possible.

He rallied people.

Really, his one actual flaw was not "turning" on Wilbur. His unwillingness to give up on him or even just incapacitate him or limiting his ability to act as he wanted was what ended up costing him everything. His unwillingness to interfere with Wilburs plans beyond talking to him and threatening him with a crossbow that one time ended up making the 16th possible. And he can hardly be blamed for that.

And Wilbur, during Pogtopia... Well... Nobody liked him, he made everyone uncomfortable and most people just kinda tolerated him because... Yeah...

Without Tommy troop morale would have been abysmal thanks to Wilbur. He constantly put himself and his side down, labeling them as villains and thus morally inferior. He pitted his own people against each other, spread paranoia between his people. No communication or actually planning involving other people. Still refused to wear armor.

And don't get me wrong, that's the point. He wasn't on their side. Obviously Tommy added more to their victory, Wilbur didn't want their victory. But still I just wanna praise my boy Tommy, he was. So amazing. Boy fucking peaked.

He's so good in tactical warfare or whatever you call it.

And I wanna just make it clear that this isn't criticism of Wilbur. Not at all. This isn't criticism at all. This is just about the big fanon perception of Wilbur as this great and mature leader.

Tbh this is actually more about showing people how amazing Tommy was and PLEASE I WANT FICS TO HAVE TOMMY BE MORE OF AN EFFECTIVE POWERHOUSE

Regarding my former ask I just wanted to clarify again that I'm not trying to critique Wilbur or anything.

It's really just that I think it's hilarious how people remember him as way more put together and competent than he really was.

Yeah, honestly one of the biggest disservice people have done to c!Tommy in this fandom is fail to portray him as the badass general that he actually was. Like, sure, Wilbur's title was as "general", but he never did anything for it. He gave a few speeches, but then the work was left up to Tommy. Like, genuinely, rewatch the Eret betrayal vod, Wilbur says it openly that he's leaving it in Tommy's hands. And Tommy does manage to lead his troops into an advantageous position! They get their enemies to retire at one point during the very first battle!

Then, of course, there is the betrayal, but, once again, Tommy didn't give up. He built the tunnel for their scuffed escape beforehand and, when everyone was just about ready to give up, he went against Dream in a duel and then traded the discs for their independence without loosing a beat.

Tommy was a BIG asset during that war!

Wilbur mostly was and still is kind of a wreak. And it's not his fault, 'cause mental health is an absolute bitch and he wasn't doing too hot after the war, then it got worse with Pogtopia and even worse during the 13 years in Limbo. And now we are where we are now with Wilbur being... not a great individual.

But still! In Pogtopia Tommy was the de-facto leader. And yeah, that was because Wilbur wasn't on their side anymore, but they didn't entirely know that. Or didn't wanna see that.

Tommy himself was hoping that Wilbur would "come back around" if he managed to get back their country. That was a big motivator for him. And he did everything that was in his power to do to not lose either Wilbur or L'Manburg. He tried talking to Wilbur multiple times, tried persuading him that there was another way, he never bought into Wilbur's ideals, he recruited people and he lead the troops once again. It wasn't Techno that lead the troops (despite him being a much better fighter) it was Tommy. And once everything was exploded and Techno and Wilbur betrayed them? Well he kept encouraging people. Literally I'm begging everyone to watch that vod! Tommy was there at every step of the way, telling Niki that it wasn't over, telling Quackity to keep fighting and, after that, you know who was there to validate Tubbo's presidency? To rally people behind him? It wasn't Tubbo. Tommy gathered everyone by the L'Mantree and got their spirits high once again.

He is just genuinely amazing.

And, like, yeah now Wilbur managed to manipulate Tommy to an extent to be by his side. But that's not that much of an accomplishment anymore because Tommy has just been through so much that he's exhausted now, as you said. Like, remember when Tommy said he wanted to be on Wilbur's side because "he gets things done"? Well, I'm still waiting to see that one honestly...

#ladycatland ask #dream smp #tommyinnit #c!tommy #c!wilbur critical #<< just in case #long post #character analysis #tl:dr #the fanon interpretations for tommy and wilbur are often a reverse of canon #tommy is made to be a lot more incompetent and in need of help while wilbur is made a lot more competent and in control #I wonder why that became the case?

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pyroclastic727 · 5 years ago

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Is Amity autistic?

In the Owl House fandom, we hear a lot about how Luz is written to be ADHD. Now I would like to present the flipside: Amity is coded as autistic.

Here’s the breakdown.

Amity is touch-averse. “BuT aMiTy ToUcHeS LuZ aLL tHe TiMe” nice try. The key to autistic touch-aversion is only being okay with touch when she initiates it. And that totally matches up with Amity. See, Amity is really happy when she initiates touch with Luz. She’s also cool with it when Luz holds her hand after standing near her for enough time that Amity can predict an incoming touch. That’s because Amity consents to that touch and expects it.

But when other people touch her? She doesn’t take kindly to that. When Luz initially bumped into her at Covention, she snapped at her and degraded her. Even when she bumped into Luz in Enchanting Grom Fright, her initial instinct was to snap at Luz, since she didn’t expect to be touched. When Hooty touched Amity’s face without consent, she flipped out and beat him up. Not even Lilith beat Hooty up when he wrapped her up in his mucus-filled tube, but Amity gave Hooty the injuries we all wanted to see him with, because he breached her boundaries without her consent. Even as late as the last episode, Amity fell over when her face got close to Luz’s on the bleachers, because she didn’t expect it.

Amity stims. Okay, this one took me a while to catch, since most of the time, Amity is very controlled with her actions. This symptom isn’t very intense; her senses aren’t understimulated too often, and she really only does it when she’s really excited.

Mainly, when Luz offered to carry her. While she adorably scrambled for words, she also flapped her hands against her legs. At first I thought it was just a cute thing she did, but there’s more to it. She was so excited to be held by Luz that it showed up in her hands flapping...a common stim. With Amity feeling more comfortable around her new friends than the old ones, I wouldn’t be surprised to see more stimming in the future.

Amity always has The Mask as her expression. You know, the one with her eyes half-lidded, eyebrows raised, mouth slightly downturned. I also call it the Resting Blight Face, for...reasons.

At first I thought it was just a way to hide her true emotions, since her parents are assholes. But even though Luz makes her feel accepted, she keeps doing it. It’s more like...you know that feeling when you’re thinking really hard, or uncomfortable, or ashamed, or even just relaxed, and you can’t think of which expression to wear quickly enough, so you put on an unreadable one to tide people over? Apparently most people don’t do that, since allistic people tend to have expressions for those feelings, ones that arise naturally.

Another symptom of autism is having hard-to-read expressions, or being less expressive. In Amity’s case, it’s the fact that she doesn’t see a need to have an expression in calmer moments, so she just uses her usual expression.

Amity hyperfixates. This has several facets, so I’ll break this down.

She initially hyperfixated on school. And that’s how she became top student. Amity Blight is who you would mistake for a “gifted student.” But make no mistake...she is not gifted, and gifted is a bullshit label used to overexert people and force them to keep school as their special interest for their entire lives (and I may have a bit of a vendetta against it). Anyways, we already know she’s a perfectionist. My theory is that Amity originally was hyperfocused on school--the Abominations track, to be exact--and that’s part of how she got so good. Then, her focus shifted, but the school expected her to keep being top student. Cue the perfectionism; she was no longer able to focus on school like she wanted to, but everyone expected her to, so she got insecure about it.

She hyperfixates on Azura, just like Luz did. Yeah, she keeps it secret from the world, for most of the time. But she definitely likes Azura a lot. I mean, she started to reconsider her opinion on Luz when Luz offered her an Azura book. She destroyed her jock career because she tried to use an Azura move in real-life Grudgby. Her interest in Azura is long-lived, starting about the time that her interest in school would have expired (which would explain why she stayed closeted). And we can’t ignore the fact that she sees Azura in Luz and is definitely enjoying the parallels between herself and her fictional counterpart. (Which might not be a coincidence, but that’s an entirely different theory).

She hyperfixates on Luz. Yes, part of this is a crush. But a lot of us have watched Amity’s personality go from alpha bitch to cutest little bean in the Boiling Isles, all thanks to Luz’s influence. Lumity is not a rivals-to-lovers speedrun due to bad writing, it’s due to Amity hyperfixating. She’s already extremely introspective, going so far as to keep a diary where she analyzes and makes sense of herself. It’s not a stretch to say that she identified the faults that kept her from Luz and worked hard to change those off-screen.

Amity keeps a journal. To me, this seems like masking. You see, Amity is what people would consider to be high-functioning, since she can pass for allistic. But in order to do this, she has to put in significant effort on her part. See, when she does something that makes it so she doesn’t pass, she just sees it as a problem (since she probably doesn’t know about autism, and she passes well enough that she would totally be undiagnosed). Then she tries to fix the problem, in order to keep being perfect.

Amity has awkward body language. Thanks to the journal and other ways of masking, you don’t see this early on. But once she feels comfortable enough around Luz to let her guard down...she completely forgets boundaries. To review: in episodes 15-17, she throws herself at Luz, holds her formal rival’s hand for 24.71 seconds, blushes every time she sees Luz, and loudly declares her thirsty thoughts about Luz in uniform before literally running away. While some of this can be seen as normal gal pal things or crush things...you’d think a repressed wlw like Amity would try very hard not to touch Luz, so as to avoid being outed. Or at least she would do less of that stuff, so as to respect Luz’s boundaries the way she wants her boundaries to be respected. But that’s not the case, since she straight-up misses a lot of social cues. And since she feels comfortable around Luz, she doesn’t feel the pressure to be so paranoid about the cues, and can be her awkward self. From her point of view, she probably sees it as being freed from her parents’ judgment.

Amity takes things literally, sometimes. Now, this doesn’t happen all the time, since she isn’t heavily affected by this autistic trait. But when Luz says “I’m picking up what you’re putting down” and Amity says “I’m not putting down anything” and looks down...she not only missed the conclusion Luz drew from her words, but also assumed a literal meaning from her words. I can’t come up with many other instances of this, mostly because this doesn’t happen often. I would assume that Amity missed these a lot early on, and learned how to mask/identify them.

Amity is easily upset when things don’t go as planned. Let’s review these. In the library, she gets really mad at Luz when they end up stitched to a book, and it takes Luz’s sweet personality to get Amity to loosen up and laugh over it. When she goes to practice magic, and Luz steals her wand and uses it to get her siblings kidnapped, Amity locks Luz in a cage and assumes that she will get badly injured if she tries to fix the problems she caused. When Luz comes to her school, she panics and focus on how that doesn’t change anything. When she burns Willow’s mind, she appears absolutely terrified of being punished, flinching and bracing for impact when Luz finds her near the memories, constantly trying to distract Luz as they work together to save Willow, and hiding behind Luz when she confronts the Inner Willow. When Luz asks her to join her in Grudgby, Amity doesn’t initially agree, instead taking much more of the episode to come to terms with her involvement in it.

Amity likes predictability. She’s not attached to routines, but she does like being able to expect things. If she makes a plan for the day, she expects that day to adhere to that plan, and she doesn’t respond well when it changes. When Luz comes to her school, she focus on how that doesn’t change anything...not how that would ruin things or complicate things. Whenever she gets involved in Luz’s shenanigans, she either gets angry, scared, or takes a while to accept it. In a broader sense, she takes a while to accept that Luz and her shenanigans are a permanent fixture in her life--sixteen episodes, to be exact.

Finally, it would make for some excellent representation. An ADHD Dominican-American bisexual protagonist is pretty groundbreaking. But an ADHD Dominican-American bisexual protagonist girl who dates an autistic wlw witch girl from another dimension is exactly the kind of intersectional representation you’d expect to see from an unrestricted Owl House crew.

...Now, this might just be me hardcore projecting. I’m a little scared to post this because I don’t know how much of this is me reading into imaginary things, or trying to convince myself that Amity is like me. Feel free to debate/disprove me or support me in the comments.

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hecateisalesbian · 2 years ago

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Bride Wars was a Bad Movie and here’s why

friendly reminder everyone has their own opinions :) if you liked this movie that’s fine but here’s my reasoning for not liking it. If you don’t agree with me then please don’t leave a hate comment. Be respectful if sharing your opinion :)

Alright. Let’s get into it. To summarize, Bride Wars is a Movie about two best friends whose weddings are on the same day and they have a big fight over it. It’s a romcom/heartwarming comedy.

so I watched it tonight and I’m not really big on watching wedding movies/romantic (comedy) movies, but I watched it tonight because my mom wanted to.

so as I’m watching it I’m realizing more and more how much I didn’t like this movie. To say hate is strong, but I was definitely a couple blocks away. My biggest complaint with this movie is the way that Marian woman describes getting married. I’m not sure the exact lines of what she said, but it was quite similar to this:

“The day a girl gets married is the biggest day of her life. A woman has not lived until she gets married. A woman is dead until then. You two are dead. Right now. [don’t remember her name lol] will die dead.”

(keep in mind I don’t remember it exactly but this was pretty much the gist of it)

so, a lot of things I hate in here. The first sentence, which I commonly hear A LOT in media + Irl, is already enough to make me dislike her. The idea of a woman’s wedding day being the biggest day of her life is crap. It’s basically stating that a woman is expected to be married, and that should be her happiest day. I’m unbiased about marriage. If someone purposed, and I loved them and was ready for it, I’d say yes. But if I end up not marrying ever that’s also fine with me. Marriage is more of a social concept. It doesn’t do anything besides making someone feel like they are taking a big step in their relationship or proving their love to the world, or whatever reason. A lot of times it also comes with tax benefits and stuff (atleast in America). Lots of religions have marriage in their books, and some even “require” it. There is too much hype and stigmatism around marriage and being unmarried. You’re expected to get married, for it to be the biggest, happiest day ever. If you don’t, you’re told slurs, not living up to expectations, etc. People, especially Celebrities, are constantly pressed about “When are you getting married?” Or “do you plan on getting married?” Whether they are in relationships or not, especially by Media.

So that’s already a major dislike I have about that little speech. The next part I’m gonna do fully. The “you have not lived until you’ve married” spiel. I hate that. PASSIONATELY. Hate that. It’s reinforcing the “people are expected to marry” times a million. You can live without being married. Life is not just about being married (or having kids or being in love. Love isnt required to have a good life. You don’t need to be in a relationship. I’m talking about romantic love. Platonic love is a good thing to have. You need it to live. Humans are social.) I hate that she says you’re “dead.” You are not dead if you aren’t married. I hate that. Marriage isn’t required, it shouldn’t be expected. Marriage is something you do for love, if you really want to, for your own reasons. You marry for yourself, and you shouldn’t marry for anyone else (also why I kinda hate public proposals. It kind of putting pressure on the person to say yes, and that is something I would hope my partner would never do.) That little minute long clip of the movie is already horrible.

but there’s more.

I think the whole plot of the movie is stupid. Two best friends, who have stuck by each-other side since they were little kids, almost break up entirely for a wedding? No! That should never be a reason to end a relationship. Never. But that was the plot :\. This movie really boiled my blood, and it’s really low on my list of “wedding movies I dislike.”

I think this movie wasn’t very good, and I strongly disliked it. However, it is my opinion. So don’t hate on me or be like “yOur wRong >:(((((” it’s an opinion. If you’d like to leave yours I’d be happy to hear it.

i might follow this up at a later time about how I would’ve liked this movie if this gets enough attention.

#Bride Wars #bridal movies #Movie review #movie ramblings #vent post #long post #text post #personal opinion #asexual #aromantic #aroace #aspec #im including the a-community because this is important on the topic of romantic love #I feel like the a-community doesn’t get enough respect and a lot of people #Don’t understand it #So hopefully this helped a little #If you have any questions about the aspec community feel free to message me

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asterlark · 4 years ago

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ok. samwell college of music au. i wrote all four years let's go babey

eric bittle is this lovely southern tenor (sounds kinda like mitch grassi or ben j pierce) who posts covers (& sometimes originals, but always with neutral or no pronouns because he can't post anything that says he or him ☹) on his youtube channel and has major stage fright but is very talented; he also plays ukulele

he got into samwell college of music on a voice scholarship and his dad doesn’t exactly approve but eric was never the 6′2″ masculine football player he wanted anyway so why not go for his dreams

he auditions for the very competitive samwell men’s contemporary chorus (there’s like 20 choirs; chamber choir, jazz choir, a cappella groups (lax bros do a cappella), combined choirs, etc- smcc does contemporary pop/rock music) and while he’s very very nervous and shaky as he auditions, directors hall & murray see a lot of potential in him (with major grumbling from student director jack)

(the rest of this ridiculously long au under the cut)

the group is small, for a chorus, because the point of the group is not a wall of sound but a focus on all of the very talented guys’ voices coming together in these gorgeous harmonies and basically they’re like one of the best choruses on campus and all the male singers want in

so there’s jack zimmermann, who of course eric knows because everyone knows who he is, he’s the son of bob and alicia zimmermann, both incredibly talented and famous musicians, and basically those genes were in his favor because he’s mega fucking talented

(jack was supposed to sign a recording contract to be in a band with his best friend kent parson when he was 17 but something happened between them and the pressure was too much and jack overdosed on something- there’s so many rumors no one knows what’s real- and kent signed solo in LA & went on to win grammys for his albums about a mysterious ex and jack disappeared for a few years to be a counselor at a music camp and reappears at samwell, knocking everyone’s socks off again like he’d never left, except with a renewed vigor and intenseness that freaks everyone out)

jack is a contemporary writing & production major, freaky talented and sings like a modern day frank sinatra, and he plays like 20 instruments and can read music like breathing air and writes songs like if he stopped he’d die; his music is folksy and mournful and he plays all the instruments on his tracks himself- guitar, piano, strings, drums- it sounds like a full band but nope. just jack. he’s intense

“we all get nicknames in this choir,” justin informs eric on his first day, “we’re those kinda guys.” so he’s bitty, which he finds vaguely offensive (bc he’s not that short!) but still cute, & the rest of the group is introduced to him:

“shitty” knight (voice like colyer) is a musical education major and an enigma of a singer with this awesome, earthy, raspy voice that’s really interesting to listen to and a very.... unique style & look; he writes cheesy but shockingly good raps about social justice topics and he will sing-lecture you if you’ve said something offensive (he also plays banjo)

justin “ransom” oluransi is a music business & management major with an angelic voice you can’t help but listen to; he’s sultry and has an incredible range and does runs like nobody’s business (with a voice like daniel caesar or leslie odom jr UGH)

adam “holster” birkholtz is a voice performance major, wants to be on broadway and it’s all he ever goddamn talks about basically, he’s a belter and has a lot of charisma and starpower and he’ll charm the pants off of you within one note; can also play piano and irritates everyone constantly because his regular volume is like a level 11 (voice like the frontman of my brothers and i combined w/ x ambassadors lead singer)

larissa “lardo” duan is at the local art institute because performing arts is not her jam and she’d much rather paint; she’s a barista at annie’s and supervises open mic nights and keeps the annoying choir dudes from driving away all her patrons

“i’m not even in your dumbass choir,” she says when the group gave her her nickname. holster just told her that she was an honorary member and then started sing-shouting a song at her about how good she is

bitty’s first year is hard because he’s talented and he works hard but he shies away when anyone asks him to sing outside the group and like, he can sing to a camera by himself but being on a stage with everyone looking at you and the sole responsibility of the song on your shoulders is terrifying and no thanks

jack does not. understand this. he’s been performing practically since he came out of the womb and he doesn’t really get performance nerves (what he gets is anxiety about how he did after he gets off stage that follows him home and makes it so he can’t sleep) - so he bothers bitty about it constantly like “you just need practice, you just have to sing by yourself a lot and then you’ll get over it” which like.... that’s true but it’s also hella scary and bitty’s like “no thanks!!!!”

but jack’s annoying and intense so he makes bitty do open mic with him every saturday night and it’s going okay and bitty loves his choir and loves his school and these new friends he’s making and he finally feels comfortable enough to come out to them during his second term

then during their spring choral showcase at the end of his freshman year bitty has a solo and he’s worked really hard on it and he’s feeling good- okay he’s completely freaked out but he’s trying to feel good- but when he gets up on stage there’s so many people and the stage lights are so hot on his face and he flips out a little and maybe he passes out from anxiety and stress right on stage and it’s terrible and he’s so embarrassed and ashamed that he ruined their set at the showcase

of course jack blames himself because “we shouldn’t have given you a solo before you were ready, i misjudged it, i’m sorry” - and they all feel kinda bad bc holy fuck they didn’t know his stage fright was that bad like they didn’t know someone could pass out just by being anxious to sing

he practices all the time over the summer and goes to his local open mic at jack’s insistence and it actually helps a lot because instead of a sea of strangers judging him it’s a bunch of people he knows and they’re all smiling at him and when he finishes his song they cheer for him and it boosts his self-confidence a lot

his sophomore year they have three new members- chris ”chowder” chow (voice like ieuan), an excitable music education major with impressive rapping skills, derek "nursey" nurse (frank ocean or leon bridges type), a songwriting major who can also play violin and guitar, and will ”dex” poindexter (like tom west), a production & engineering major who tried out with chowder bc he needed moral support and didn't expect to get in but impressed the directors with his voice

the year’s going pretty good, bitty’s still pretty scared of singing alone but more confident now and the open mic nights with jack haven’t stopped, so he’s getting better. and one night they’re hanging out at annie’s after closing waiting for lardo to be done so they can walk her home, and bitty suggests that jack sing with him one of these nights, and jack says he doesn’t know any of bitty’s songs and bitty says they can write one together half jokingly but then jack is like “yes.” with that Intense Look

SO they get together a couple days later in jack’s room at the house they all live in together (bitty moved in at the beginning of the year after previous smcc member john johnson called him- how’d he get his number?- and told him he could take his room if he wanted), jack with his guitar and bitty with his ukulele, and it’s a little awkward until bitty says jack should play him one of his songs

and, okay, he doesn’t really know what to expect because the only music jack ever released to the public was that one single he did with kent parson when they were 17 so bitty doesn’t even know if he has anything to play him, but he does- he starts playing these soft, sad notes on the guitar and opens his mouth and sings about being lonely and scared and unsure, about false starts and shaky ground and not knowing where you stand with someone, about expectations and lying awake at night and wishing so hard you were someone else, and bitty watches him sing and just kind of... realizes he’s head over heels for this boy and internally Freaks Out a little

he tries to put that aside and they start to write this song, at first it’s weird because jack’s like “all your songs are love songs i can’t really relate to happy love songs” and bitty’s like “listen... i’ve never even had a boyfriend i just write a bunch of sappy love stuff because it’s not about me it’s about whoever’s listening to it, they’re gonna project their own experiences on my music anyway so it doesn’t matter if it’s my real life or not” and jack’s like “alright while fake af that’s smart and i respect you” (what bitty doesn't say is that he writes about what he really wants which is to fall in love & be in a happy relationship)

they say they’re just gonna write this kinda vague sad song but they both secretly write lines about their actual lives so it ends up being really personal and real and raw for the both of them

they sing the song at open mic that saturday and the crowd at annie’s is never that big but they’ve never got a standing ovation here before, and some girl shouts “MAKE AN ALBUM” (it may or may not be lardo) and they both blush furiously and bitty’s like “... that was really nice, jack” and jack’s like “... yeah it was good good job you’re really getting some confidence out there nice work” (bitty: “THAT’S NOT WHAT I MEANT AAAAH”)

around this time jack’s really thinking about what he’s gonna do when he’s done at samwell, talking with his parents and his agent and looking into different record companies and deciding if he wants to sign with anyone or possibly start his own company- the head of a small company called falcon records in rhode island has been talking to him a lot, and jack talks to bitty about how he thinks it’d be nice to start small, and the record exec georgia and the producer marty had both been really nice and welcoming, and bitty’s so happy for him but also just... sad that he won’t be around jack every day after he graduates

THEN at a haus party celebrating their win of a local choral competition, who shows up but none other than pop star kent parson to Ruin The Fun

bitty sees the way jack pales when kent walks in, notices them disappear upstairs together and feels a little sick worrying about jack but chalks it up to the highly alcoholic concoction shitty and lardo had cooked up but nonetheless decides he’s sick of the party and goes up to his room and hears.... a little too much

and YIKES he’s standing right there and kent parson, pop star, two-time grammy winner, is looking a little rumpled and staring right at him and he puts his hat on and clears his throat and snaps at jack- “hey. well. call me if you reconsider. but good luck with rhode island. ...i’m sure that’ll make your parents proud.” and jack’s shaking, and bitty doesn’t know what to do but jack goes back into his room and bitty’s just kind of standing there like What The Fuck

so.... he kind of stews over winter break but tries not to think about it too much and he and jack text a bit and jack tells him to practice and bitty’s like “oh, you” and jack’s like “im serious” and bitty’s like “>:( it’s christmas”

spring semester starts and they're doing well in competitions and they go to semifinals and then finals for a prestigious collegiate choir competition and the pressure is mounting but they all are so optimistic and really feel like they're on the same page and bitty’s confidence is better than ever and then.... they don't win

jack especially takes it very hard, but then he also has signing to worry about, which everyone helps him with and he decides to sign with falcon records and start work on an album after graduation

speaking of graduation, shitty and jack graduate and it's hard for them but harder for bitty who feels like he's losing jack in a way, he knows how intense jack gets when he's making music and it doesn't feel like he'll have any time for bitty anymore so when they say goodbye bitty goes back to the haus and listens to his and jack's song and just cries

but, like in canon, dadbob has words of wisdom to impart and jack has an "oh" moment and races across campus to kiss bitty

they get together and the next few months are spent with jack working nonstop on his album (which tbh, he'd had many of the songs written already so it's mostly recording and producing) and texting bitty constantly and coming to visit him and playing him demos of all the songs

jack also asks bitty if they can record the song they wrote together & have it as a bonus track on his album & bitty says of course, so when jack visits they set up an impromptu studio and record vocals in the guest bedroom and this deeply personal song they wrote before they were ever together means so much more to them now

and bitty is so happy but so scared and sad too because jack is playing him these songs telling him "they're all for you bits, & a lot of them are about you" and he just doesn't know how he's going to keep all this love inside even though it feels like jack's career is at stake

he tries to shove it down and stay strong though, especially since he's now an upperclassman and they're taking on new members- connor "whiskey" whisk (voice like finneas or the male singer in valley), a music business/ management major who seems to hate bitty's guts and tony "tango" tangredi (like chaz cardigan), a jazz composition major who astounds everybody with his endless questions but also his ridiculously impressive composition skills & naturally perfect pitch (he can also play saxophone??)

i want ford in this au so fuck it she is a composition major with dreams to write scores for musicals and she stars training as a barista at annie's (aka training to corral the smcc)

the pressure of it all proves to be a lot and bitty and jack have their hi, honey moment where bitty's like i can't be this deep in the closet!!! and so they tell the smcc and also jack's label that they're together and that eases things a bit

jack's album comes out to much critical acclaim and shouting in the groupchat ("#1 ON ITUNES BRAHHHHH!!!!!!!!") and several months later, when smcc has already been eliminated from choral competition in an earlier round, jack is nominated for SEVERAL grammys including best album, song of the year, and best new artist

when the time comes he takes his parents and bitty on the red carpet which, everyone keeps being like "who are you here with jack?" and he's like "my family and my good friend :)" and yes it is awkward

jack wins... all three awards. it's the comeback everyone is stoked to see and when his third win is announced, he and bitty are so elated that they kiss before he goes to accept the award

his speech is basically just "um... wow. thank you. i just kissed my boyfriend on live tv. this is amazing and i'm so humbled. i'd like to thank my boyfriend and georgia and marty and my parents and my friends and my boyfriend"

obviously the press has a FIELD DAY with this but bitty & jack are honestly vibing and so happy that it doesn't matter untiiiillll bitty's mom calls and he has to tell her "mama i'm gay and i'm going on tour with jack this summer okloveyoubye"

the last few months of bitty's junior year pass quickly and he's voted student director which is a huge honor considering how much he struggled with stage fright and confidence & how he'll now be stepping into ransom & holster's shoes

r&h and lardo all graduate (the smcc basically crashes the art school graduation and all scream when lardo gets her diploma lmao), which is a bittersweet occasion and they all do a bit of tearing up

that summer bitty goes on tour across the u.s. & canada with jack and his touring band (snowy is a bassist, tater is a drummer and poots does backing guitar, he also brings nursey to play violin on a few songs) as well as georgia who's there to manage logistics

and tour is so fun & chaotic with many bi and rainbow flags in the audience that end up thrown on stage and draped around jack's neck and they spend so many nights in the bus drinking and laughing and fooling around on the guitars and bitty's uke and exploring new cities bitty has never been to before and it's the freest bitty has felt in a long time

summer ends though, and jack leaves for the uk/europe leg of the tour, and with the new school year brings a few new members- river "bully" bullard (voice like gregory alan isakov), a music therapy major who draws his own cover art for his songs, lukas "louis" landmann (like jr jr), an electronic production and design major with a penchant for EDM, and johnathan "hops" hopper (like keiynan lonsdale), a film scoring major who wants to write music for movies and video games

bitty meets and befriends some of the other student directors- shruti, sd of the women’s contemporary chorus; sharon, sd of the chamber choir; and edgar, sd of jazz ensemble (even chad l., sd of the all-male a cappella group)

senior year passes similarly to the comic; coach visits and sees one of bitty’s competitions, jack comes to madison for christmas, smcc does well in competition and goes to regionals etc

however… bitty keeps putting off and putting off gathering the songs for his senior recital

he has a hard time doing that because he’s so focused on the group and making sure they’re performing well and as they advance in competition, everything else starts to fall away

eventually the rest of the smcc has to lock away his uke and change his youtube password and FORCE him to choose songs for it and start preparing because he cannot graduate without doing this recital and doing well on it

he chooses (of course) a beyonce song, a few of his own songs, an ellie goulding song, and an adele song

with all that his breath hitches and his hands shake before he goes on stage, he does really well and his voice instructor prof atley tears up a little in the audience as does his mom

meanwhile smcc goes to semifinals, then finals, of the national collegiate choral competition they participate in

and i imagine bitty faces somewhat less homophobia in this au because i mean, he’s in the performing arts, but i think it’s still there and he also faces a good amount of classism from richer students and performers who think they’re better because they had the resources and money to be performing professionally from a very young age, and he has been practicing via filming himself on a shitty camcorder and posting it to youtube

but they still get there! and the national finals are fucking HUGE and a big deal and a little overwhelming

bitty’s stage fright is Present because this is the biggest stage and the biggest stakes he's ever had and he has a big solo in one of their songs so if he fucks up, he fucks up a national championship for his whole group and school

luckily though, when he steps on the stage with his best friends and sees his boyfriend and family and smcc alums in the audience and they perform their first song, a high-energy pop medley that always gets the crowd going, everything seems to melt away and it's just him living in this moment and singing his heart out

when it gets to the next song and his solo, he forgets to be nervous and belts it out, getting screams of approval from the audience when he finishes

(dex and nursey do have a duet together that they had to practice for many long nights in the practice rooms alone but that's neither here nor there)

their time on stage seems to last both hours and no time at all and then they're done, the crowd gives them a standing ovation and it's at least 30% r&h & shitty's hooting and hollering and jack's enthusiastic clapping that makes bitty & the others beam with pride

then it's just waiting, giddy and nervous beyond belief in their green room, for the judging to be over

after what feels like forever they're back on stage, arms linked together waiting and hoping for their name to be called and it is, they win and it feels like years have built up to this moment, and bitty tears up because years ago when he was fainting from anxiety at having to perform in front of people he never could've imagined that he'd do this, that he'd be the student director that led them to a championship

they get the trophy and a ridiculous amount of flowers from their loved ones and they all are just in giddy disbelief that this is happening, they're national champs!!! they are the best choir boys in the nation!!

they come home and the rest of the school year passes by so quickly that it's very suddenly graduation and bitty can't believe his college career at samwell is over 😢

(he and ollie and wicky take pictures together, o&w talk about how excited they are to devote full time attention to their band & wedding planning and bitty's just like wait you're gay??)

bitty got plenty of offers from record companies but he likes his freedom of creativity and he has a built in fanbase from doing youtube all these years so he decides to make an album independently (jack helps him produce & master it 🥰)

when bitty's album comes out about a year later, full of bops about being gay and in love and having struggled but come out the other side more confident than ever, it doesn't get any grammy nominations- and he didn't expect or need that.

what it does do is it resonates. it makes the rounds in youtube and queer internet circles; people his age reach out to him saying this is the music they wish they had as a kid and kids reach out to him saying he's a role model and they're so glad to have his music to listen to. his album is written about as an underrated gem that shines with queer brilliance and is sure to start a party when it comes on.

his parents may not fully understand the road he's chosen for himself but they're still so proud and promote the album as hard as any of his loyal fans (especially the one country-inspired song on the album that he wrote and dedicated to them).

and jack, jack who saw this album from its infancy to its release date, who took the film photo that ended up being the album cover, who worked with bitty to make sure his vision was realized exactly how he wanted it to be, is proud beyond words.

jack starts using his semi-abandoned twitter again to tweet "stream [album name]" every day and bitty retweets them sometimes, with just a "this boy. ❤"

and they're happy. they're good. they have come so far and they are reaping the rewards of all the hard work they put in to make the music that they truly love.

the end :)

#check please #omgcp #samwell college of music au #mine #my writing #eric bittle #jack zimmermann #omgcp fic #check please fic #zimbits #uhh idk what else to tag #this fucking thing is like 4.1k words i'm-#i hope you enjoy it (and reblog it!) bc i've been working on this for literal years #i know i'll never actually write it as a longform fic so here's a bullet pt fic instead #pls let me know your thoughts i have so many things to say about this au

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