#everytime i see him i am so tempted to just say hi dad | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

pockou · 3 years

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skin ⤻ chpt. one

— pairings: jean kirschtein x fem bodied nb!reader

— warnings: none for now

— summary: after reuniting with your childhood bestfriend, jean and a long heated night together you establish a friends with benefits relationship. what could go wrong?

— modern au

— wc: 2.6k

— a/n: sorry nothing really happened, this is really just me setting things up !

⤺ skin masterlist

After a long and stressful day with work, you finally arrived home. The first thing that crossed your mind was letting your mother know you’d be skipping out on brunch with her and some old friends the next afternoon so you could catch up on some much needed sleep. You removed your shoes and wiped the small bit of sweat which was accumulating on your forehead, outside felt like a heatwave being it was nearing the peak of summer, work has been pretty busy lately with all the moms coming in and demanding for you to restock the pool noodles — which obviously you had no control over just being a mere cashier. You never knew how stressful it could be just standing behind a counter all day, which you didn’t take into account is the long and blistering walk home. Maybe a summer job wasn’t the best choice?

“Oh hey Mom!” Your mom was just passing by with a laundry basket in hand, probably heading to clean clothes for tomorrow.

“Hi Y/N, how was work?”

“Long.” You filled a cup of cold apple juice up before turning back over to her, “By the way, I can’t go with you and dad to brunch tomorrow. I’m pooped and need some extra sleep.”

“Y/N, you can’t skip out, I understand you’re tired but an old friend who you’ll probably be happy to see is going to be there, and i’ll make sure you don’t miss him, he’s rarely in town anymore.”

“He?” You tried to think of all the guys who’ve came into your life which your parents took a liking to, there were a few but not any you really would want to see.

“Yes, he. Now get showered you smell like clorax and sweat!”

“Jeez Mom way to put it lightly!” You both laughed together, these moments definitely made you glad you decided to move back for the summer and stay off of campus. You picked up your phone after it buzzed and saw an incoming follow request from “Jean Kirschtein” the name rang a bell but ultimately you chose to ignore it and decline. You decided to fix the obvious awful scent which was coming from you and headed to shower.

You looked at the array of bath soaps, body scrubs and shampoos you and your mom shared, you picked up the ‘vanilla mint’ scent which always brought comfort to you for some odd reason, it just has for as long as you could remember. After massaging your head with shampoo and conditioner you shaved your legs until you were satisfied with the outcome and jumped out of the shower. Noticing the time after you went to pause your music you realized just how long you took, it was already past seven pm and your dad should be home, hopefully with dinner. Before leaving, you moisturized your legs and added an acne serum to your face, gently patting it into your cheeks and forehead. You just threw on some boxer-like shorts and one of your dads old band tees and peeked into the kitchen.

“Hey darling.”

“Hey Dad, did you pick up dinner?” You leaned over the counter giggling at your mothers antics, being she was behind your father mocking him.

“Yes I did, burritos good? There’s this new joint by the office.”

“Sick, thanks dad! I’ll set the table, love you.” You pecked his cheek before grabbing plates and cups for the three of you, you hadn’t remembered the last time you ate, it probably was around eleven when you had your lunch breaks. Which you believed to be a bit too early for lunch. You smiled widely at both of your parents as they sat down at the table.

“What do you guys want to drink? I’ll go get somethin’ for us all.”

“I’ll just have a water pumpkin.” You took your dads cup and gave him a thumbs up then looked to your mother.

“I still have my protein shake i’ll be fine!”

“Mkay!” You took yours and your dads cups and filled them about halfway with water, adding a bit of lemon and ice to yours, “Dad do ya want ice?”

“Sure, thank you. Now hurry up your foods getting cold!” You shuffled back over to the table handing your dad his iced water and flashing him a shiny smile.

“Thanks again!” After that you dug into your dinner and the whole meal was filled with your dad telling you and your mom about people calling in asking for help with computers and you telling them about annoying people you had to deal with and, of course your mom complaining about Amy from her yoga class.

By the time you all died down and your mom mentioned you should all get some sleep so you’d all be in good moods for brunch in the morning, inevitably you gave up in trying to skip out due to your moms persistence to join them. You walked into your room to be greeted by the warmth and comfort it always gave off to you, you grabbed your phone and plopped onto your bed ready to finally wind down and relax after such a long day. Your eyes got heavy and you felts drowsy before you gave in and fell into a deep sleep. You dreamed of the same boy you had been for a while, he was cute, really cute and he always brought comfort to you. This dream always took place in a pre-k classroom, playing will blocks and legos and the smell of popcorn and juice in the air. He always came up with a smile on his face which was missing one of his front teeth already, some spaghetti sauce around his mouth and asking if you wanted to play tag. But everytime before you said yes, you always woke up and you were no longer in a carefree mindset like a child and that boy was never there all that was there was a loud ‘beep beep beep’ sound ringing in your ears which never failed to wake you up right at ten thirty am.

This time your mom was also in your room, rummaging throughout your dresser drawers. She was humming the same song she used to sing you to sleep with which always made you smile. You whined as you sat up stretching.

“Morning honey, can you wear this today?” She had just a white tee and a jean shorts pretty simple and nice to wear in the summer.

“Sure that’s fine, how much time do I have?”

“Around an hour or so, make sure you hurry please I don’t wanna be late.”

“Mkay, by the way when do I getta know who this wonderboy is?”

“When you see him you’ll know, trust me. Now get ready!”

She walked out of your room to let you get dressed, after putting on the outfit she chose you just found some random sandals to wear and fixed your hair a bit, you still had some time to spare so you just chilled on the couch playing a random cooking game. Your mom came out to show herself off and she did her cheesy little jazz hands.

“You look beautiful Momma.”

“Thank you, Y/N, you look great aswell.” You both looked in the kitchen to see your dad eating something, “We are literally going to brunch why in the world are you eating?” She obviously wasn’t mad but she shook her hand at your dad which made you both chuckle. They both had been together since they were in highschool and seemed to have an unbreakable bond. That was something you’ve always wanted with another person, just to be able to find comfort in another so easily, and trust them no matter what. And just the very way they looked at eachother and the loving gaze they shared, it was everything, they were soulmates and all you wanted was to find something like that. Your special person.

“Well, we should get going, the car drive is a bit long id say.” You lifted yourself up from the couch and followed them, still looking down at your game. You plopped into the car once again, and just gazed out the window.

“Where are we goin’ again?”

“Just a pancake house, nothing too special y’know?”

“Mkay, thanks Mom.” You looked back down at your phone to see that ‘Jean’ guy requesting you again, you found it kinda weird but you decided to look at his account. He was attractive. No he was fucking hot, he had a shiny ash blonde mullet, which some of it was a darker shade, somewhat brown. His hair had a slight wave at the ends adding just a bit of volume to it. You scrolled a little bit more to find out he had a chihuahua and a shitzu. He was also doing good in school and — you double tapped. You mentally cursed at yourself, you just liked a post from not too long ago but still he’d now know you’re looking at his account. Out of guilt you let him follow you, you had to now atleast. You just turned off your phone and flipped it over, ignoring what just happened.

“You alright? You look sick.” You looked up to your mom who was looking at you from the front seat, “If its about ‘wonderboy’ don’t be too scared you two used to be so close, you’ll click instantly!”

“Mkay Mom, and I’m fine.” You acted as if you totally didn’t just stalk a hot guy on Instagram, gawk over him then like one of his posts from a few weeks back. You were totally fine, what else could happen. You were incredibly tempted to go look at his page again, his arms always seemed to fill his sleeves from what you saw and, he had a stubble which was just a shade darker than his hair. He dressed incredibly well and looked like he smelled like fancy cologne. You checked your phone and it already had been thirty minutes.

“Mom when’ll we get there?”

“It’s just done the road, relax honey.” You sighed in relief, your stomach had been churning the past few minutes and you needed out of that humid car. Once you parked and looked at the time, it was half past eleven, the exact time of your reservation.

“Alright, we’re at a patio table so you two walk their i’ll go talk with the bouncer to see if the others are here.” Your dad patted your head before walking off to check in, you followed behind your mom. With your hands in your pocket you guys turned the corner and a certain someone caught your eye, the guy from instagram, Jean was it? He was sitting in the patio, her hair was thrown into a ponytail and a chocolate brown like some of Jeans hair, she was cute and obviously his mother.

“Oh my goodness, Kirschtein is that you?!” Your eyes widened, these were the people you were joining for brunch. “Jean! You’ve grown so much, you look very handsome now.”

“Thank you ma’am, Y/N is that you?” He smiled widely before stepping closer to you and embracing you in a bear hug, you let out a small defeated laugh before hugging him back, “How’ve you been? How long has it been?”

“Since preschool.” Your gazes went to his mom who stole you from Jean and hugged you even tighter. You felt the life being squeezed out of your ribs, even though you barely remembered these hugs. And the scent you’ve always loved, both Jean and his mom smelled like vanilla and mint, it was pretty ironic. You all took a seat waiting for your dad to come back before you ordered anything. Jean was seated across from you, his legs were a bit on your end of the table but you just ignored it, everything seemed so awkward yet comfortable all at the same time. Jeans presence was just comforting and made you feel warm and whenever he talked to you and kept eye contact? That made you wanna scream, you two hadn’t seen eachother for years but instantly clicked.

Once your Dad came back, he had five menus in hand and gave them all out. You all talked amongst yourselves about what you’ll get to eat, and what you’ll be getting to drink, ultimately you settled on a coffee, so did your Dad. While Jeans mom and your Mom giggled about some drink they used to always share before ordering two of them, Jean got a decaf. It seemed plain but you weren’t one to talk. You had been engulfed in whatever it was you were doing on your phone until Jean kicked you lightly and gestured to his own phone. You clicked on instagram and saw he had messaged you there.

“Hey, so are we gonna talk abt you stalking me orr?”

“No, we’re not Jean, please just forget abt it.”

After that your drinks had finally came, now you all had to order you got just some pancakes, nothing special. Jean got an omelette while his and your Mom shared french toast and your Dad got waffles. The conversation over brunch went well, Jean shared about what he was studying in during the last school year, as did you. Your familys just caught up with what had been going on, Jean had adopted two dogs over the past year — which you already knew, he was doing good in school and his studies. You just sat there kind of awkwardly being just an hour or two before you were stalking him and thinking about how hot he was, you were snapped back into reality when his Mom asked you something.

“Have you been with anybody recently?”

“Mom! You can’t just ask her that, we haven’t seen her in years..” Jean whipped his head to the side looking at his Mom.

“No Jean it’s fine, but I haven’t.”

“Oh really? You’re so pretty? I find that hard to believe!” You smiled at her, she was obviously trying to be nice. You all continued eating, Jean paying close attention to his phone.

“Well Jean, have you seen anyone recently?”

“Mom!! Seriously?” You were confused about what your moms were trying to pull off, asking random questions back to back on the same subject.

“Y/N it’s fine. And No Mrs. L/N, I actually haven’t.” Jean stretched backwards, his arm muscles slightly flexing while he did so.

“Hmmm, interesting.. Well, finish up everyone.” You had already finished eating so all you had to do was wait for everyone else to finish. You played that same dumb cooking game for what felt like an eternity your Mom finally tapped your shoulder to get your attention.

“We should be heading out, by the way you two are invited for dinner tomorrow, feel free to come by anytime!” You got up with your mom, waving a goodbye to Jean and his mother. Now you had to endure a car ride most likely of your mother blabbing on about how you should get with Jean, that was something you didn’t wanna think or talk about.

You napped in the car for most of the ride until your phone started to buzz in your pocket, which woke you up from your dazed state. You checked the notification to see Jean had sent you a message.

“Y’know you got pretty hot right?”

“What? Jean thats random.”

“Fuck I mean that in the most respectful way possible.”

“Mkay.” You rolled your eyes, although you could say the same about him you were fond of his boldness but that was definitely a worry for another day. All you were worried about was what you’ll be doing now with him coming over again. Were you going to make a move in the same way he did or ignore his antics completely? And that was the last thought you had before falling asleep again.

#jean kirschtein x reader #jean kirschtein #jean kirstein #jean kirsten x reader #aot x reader #aot #snk x reader #snk #skin. ➷

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gisachi · 4 years

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hmmm i'd like to see how desperate they can be. Kiss prompts #14 for shinran, maybee? thankyou 🤟

Thank you for the request! Wanted to do a trope and this is how it turned out. Hope this is an enjoyable read. 💖

14. A kiss so desperate that the two wind around each other, refusing to let go until they are finished. (2,374 words)

In her seventeen years of existence, Mouri Ran has never met a person as infuriating as Kudou Shinichi.

She isn’t a particularly spiteful person. In fact, she’s always so welcoming and positive. Her well-earned reputation in school as the top of her class and her father and mother being one of the best detectives and lawyers in town do not in any way inflate her ego and turn her into an arrogant prick. If any, others spite her, never the other way around. (Though no one - ever - has brought it upon themselves to hate on the ray of sunshine that is Mouri Ran.)

As nice as she may be however, Kudou Shinichi always seems to get on her nerves.

Perhaps the only thing he inherited from the world-famous but humble Kudou Yuusaku and Fujimine Yukiko are their physical attributes. Sharp jawline, charming eyes, straight nose, pearly teeth, prominent Adam’s apple, broad shoulders, lean body…in short, fine. Good-looking. Hot maybe, yes. But she cannot let just that overshadow his absolute cockiness.

For instance, Ran is grateful for people who correct her mistakes, however seldom they may happen, but everytime Shinichi does it - in front of the class, brandishing a proud smirk at the end of it all - she feels the veins on her temple pop. She never cared at first, but when done habitually (and consciously?) by the same person, an underlying urge to punch him straight on the face arises. She knows she is nice but her patience isn’t eternal.

The rational half of her tells her to ignore him, but the petty half of her screams at her to give him a taste of his own medicine. So she revels inwardly at the hooded stare he gives her back whenever she contradicts a portion of his answer in Japanese History class, and restrains her satisfied grin when she corrects his negative integers into positives on the board during Math.

The class takes the toll in this twisted brain battle, because one-on-one debates between the top two students lead to extended fourth period and lesser lunch time. On the bright side, the lazy and unprepared don’t get to recite, so they let the two be.

Their academic tension spills even to athletics. Admittedly, he’s great at soccer, no surprise for an Ace. Her attempts at scoring a goal every time he gate keeps always end in failures, but what irks her more are the deafening screams of his fangirls behind the rails and his annoying wave like he’s some celebrity, beaming proudly like she hasn’t given him a hard time. (She hasn’t.)

But if he has soccer then she has karate. His powerful leg muscles are no match for her deadly roundhouse kicks. Shinichi has begged for his life once - when she has him pinned down between her legs on the floor in front of their classmates for a test of strength. Then he hasn’t brought that up ever again. That’s her win, not that she’s counting. (But really, that’s her win.)

He breathes, she’s annoyed.

When their gaze meets in the hallway, she is tempted to hold it and see if he’ll turn away first.

When he utters her name (“Mouri-san”, husky and sonorous), she wants to utter his back with twice the spite and snark. One that can bite. Tingle. Keep him up at night.

“Sometimes I wonder if you want to kill each other or kiss each other,” her best friend Sonoko brings up during lunch, and that’s just about enough to turn Ran’s mood into sour.

“I do not want to kiss him!” she reacts in a guilty way, and coincidentally they hear a resounding “I do not want to kiss her, barou!” along the corridor, only for Makoto and a grimacing Shinichi to appear on the door frame the next second, and their eyes meet, only to look away immediately.

“Maybe it’s you and Kyougoku-san who want to kiss each other,” Ran says bitterly, attempting to get back at her friend upon seeing her and Makoto exchange knowing glances.

“Mm, yeah maybe we do.” Sonoko grabs a bite of tamago sushi from her bento. Ran rolls her eyes.

“What? At least I’m being honest,” she chides, but Ran is already too engrossed glaring (rather salaciously, in Sonoko’s opinion) back at Shinichi to hear her or even notice her being an audience to their subtle eye makeout.

What do the other girls see in him? He’s a conceited, competitive brat who likes to pit with her for the fun of it. Sonoko says he’s not as annoying as she makes him out to be, which is about the only time she doubts herself because Sonoko does get annoyed easily. But Ran sees Shinichi in the hallway and she recalls the shameless bites and banters and sparring bruises and classroom debates and yep, her blood boils for this lad.

On Valentine’s Day, Ran makes chocolate.

More like, she helps her mother make one for her dad. For everyone’s sake and their stove’s. Since there are excess ingredients, why not? She doesn’t know for whom and why though, she just makes it.

(“Oh, you have a boy in mind?” “None, kaa-san.” “Let me guess, Yukiko-san’s son?” “NO!”)

She’s greeted by girls pooling outside the classroom. Sneaking a peek at the tag of a daintily wrapped box one of the underclassmen holds, she isn’t surprised to read Kudou Shinichi’s name on it. The subject appears behind her, and the girls line up and squeal in glee, and he greets them all while she huffs, not sparing a second look at the commotion as she makes a beeline for her seat.

She doesn’t understand why he always ends up alone with her after class when they both know that’s not the best idea. Their homeroom teacher just cannot read the atmosphere, because this is the third time he’s designated the two as class reps for student affairs work. This time, it’s a campus tour for visiting students. She hates it because she and Shinichi can never agree on anything.

“I’ll sketch the route, you do the tour,” she says.

“No, you do the hosting, I do the planning,” he counters.

“Aren’t you better at talking?” Ran sneers, remembering the chaos of fangirls and all annoying flowery words he’s probably said back. “Or don’t tell me it’s just the confidence and charm overcompensating for the lack of substance?”

“I can plan and I can host well, but I do the planning now ‘cause I did the talking in our presentation last time while you rested at the back and let me do the bulk of the task but thanks,” he rises from his seat and leans his body on the desk next to her, “for thinking that I’m charming.”

“I didn’t— I wasn’t—!” Ran’s cheeks heat up in fury or embarrassment or both. “I’m just saying this task is the best time to utilize your charisma!”

“But aren’t you charismatic yourself, Mouri-san? As expected from the daughter of a lawyer mother and a detective father?”

“No- I mean, yes, whatever, but we need charm and-”

“And I have it? What do I say? Is this your roundabout way of making me admit that you’re charming too?”

“I wouldn’t do anything like that, baka!”

He holds her challenging gaze, long and hard.

“In any case, I refuse. I plan the routes.”

“No, I plan the routes, you do the talk. No ifs. No buts.”

“This is just a simple assignment, Mouri-san! Why can’t we agree for once?” he snaps, stepping forward.

“Exactly! This is just a simple task, Kudou-kun! Why do you have to be so overbearing?” She steps forward.

“I am not overbearing. You are!”

“No, you are! You’re the hardest to deal with! I can’t even stand being near you! You’re the absolute worst! You’re—”

And then he’s hovering over her, sealing her lips shut with his own.

It happens lightning fast. He's in a respectful distance one second and then he’s hogged all her space and claimed her lips the next. Her heart rate has already gone up at the start of the bicker but now it’s literally flown off the charts.

“Kudou-kun—!” Ran gasps when her back hits the wall of the classroom, disconnecting their lips for a second. “I’m... not done...speaking—”

“And we’re not done kissing,” Shinichi angles his head for another searing kiss and that is enough to turn Ran into a puddle of melted flesh in his arms. Doomed they will be if students outside the window look up their floor and catch her back pressed suspiciously against the glass with his body the only thing keeping her upright. She can only pray they won’t. Because she doesn’t push him away.

Maybe she doesn’t care so much about being seen? Or maybe she doesn’t have the mind to think of anything else when his scent and his taste and his touch take over her senses and it still isn’t enough. This she realizes as her hands cup his warm cheeks to deepen the pressure of their connected lips, both red and swollen from the fiery mutual exchange. She kisses him with no intention of stopping. She kisses him like she’s making up for the moments her subconscious wanted to but didn’t. The tightening arms around her waist and desperate push of tongue in her are all she needs to understand that Shinichi must be thinking the same thing.

(“Mouri-san,” he sighs in her mouth. “Mm, Kudou-kun,” comes her lush reply.)

Only when she feels herself blacking out from lack of oxygen - or the fact that she feels hands untucking the hem of her school uniform from her skirt - does she unconsciously push his chest away, giving them an inch of space.

Stunned and breathless, they separate with the thought that what they share may have been too much for a first kiss. Achievers always aim for too much; anything less and they die. Too much is always too good.

For a first kiss, theirs is pretty characteristic.

“Huh.” She utters low. Any sound will do to kill the awkward silence that has stretched on for too long.

“Well.” He speaks, a little strained, but coughs his throat clear and gets himself together. “If you may...continue with what you’re saying, Mouri-san.”

For someone who’d just kissed her heatedly in an empty classroom in the middle of an argument and was so close to successfully getting his hands under her shirt, Ran is pretty impressed at how he manages to remain courteous in addressing her.

“Y-You’re the absolute worst,” arms still wrapped around his neck, she begins, but doesn’t remember what she’s supposed to say next. All coherent thought has flown out the window when his lips meet hers five minutes ago. She has no choice but to rely on the power of impromptu speech. Like Shinichi said, she’s good at that, kind of. He can probably hear her pulse palpitating on her wrist as she speaks.

“You’re...You’re such an airhead and you think so highly of yourself just because you have so many fangirls. Kuroba-kun or Hattori-kun from the other class are better and much more handsome than you, would you believe? You’re not the only charming guy in this school, Kudou-kun! And you don’t have to correct my flimsy academic mistakes in front of the class for a moment of schadenfreude, damn it! You annoy me to no end! I was this close to giving you my chocolate but good thing I didn’t because you know what? You’re annoying. Truly. You’re so full of yourself and I don’t like you for that and, y-you’re annoying and...and gods I hate you so much I’ll kiss you to death—”

She’s ready to tiptoe but his hands on her waist hold her still.

“What?!” she snaps, not sure where she’s more pissed at, the guy she’s about to kiss or the guy she’s about to kiss stopping her from kissing him again.

(A third option is herself but she’s already established her seething self-loathe when she chose to kiss him back.)

“I-I should be asking that, Mouri-san, what?” he stammers over her lips. “I... Give me your chocolate.”

Ran blinks, partly confused, partly surprised. She tries to comprehend how that is a proper response to whatever she just said (which by now, she’s already forgotten - or at least, in the process of forgetting).

“Give me your chocolate and I’ll eat it even though the chocolates I make with mom surely taste better but I’ll take what you made for me anyway. Don’t even get me started about how much I think it’s funny that you’re thinking about me as you make your chocolate, I mean, wow, there’s always that possibility, but still, wow. I-” he catches his breath, continues, “I’ll give you a better one on White Day. So please give me your chocolate.”

She doesn’t know what to make of the string of words that spew right out his mouth, but she can feel her face tightening to a grimace. Surely now, she knows she’s better at impromptu speech than him.

“You really expect me to give you my chocolate after you insult me? Wow, you really are an ass!” she shouts, as if she hasn’t mocked him the same.

“An ass who’s rejected every single chocolate given him except for one,” he says. His gaze locks her eyes, then her lips, then her eyes again. “And he’s even begging for that one chocolate, how ridiculous is that.”

Ran holds her breath, feels her face burn from his blazing irises.

“You don’t say-”

“I do say.”

His lips twist mischievously, too handsome for her heart to take.

“And you did say something else a while ago. Something equally interesting.” He cranes his head lower. “You said you hate me to death?”

Ran feels her toes tipping to balance.

“...Yes,” she lets go of his nape, hands sliding down to the plane of his chest and crumpling his shirt in her fists. “I hate you so, so much.”

“Oh by all means,” he leans in to swoop her lower lip gently between his teeth, smirks as he pulls it for a soft tug, “hate me all you want.”

#shinran #kiss prompts #fanfic #an idea like this has been stuck in my head for a long time and i wanted to try it out #shinichi might be a lil too cocky in this one lmao #but isnt he?#hope you like it!!

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skieswords · 3 years

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Pull Through Part 6

Please read the warnings in Part 1❤️

Trigger warning, mentions of physical abuse, self-harm, vomiting.

They pulled into the driveway, Becca's hands fidgeting nervously in her lap. Alex placed a hand over them, nodding at her, before stepping out of the car, and coming round to let her out. He took her hand again, and walked into the house by her side, kicking his shoes off as she did the same. Becca took a deep breath and dropped Alex's hand, stepping into the kitchen, and blinking under the sudden light. "Rebecca, happy birthday. Did you have a good day?"

Becca nodded at her dad with a weak smile, and made her way to the fridge, taking out a bottle of water. "Yeah it was pretty good. I got an A in my english exam, by the way." Graham nodded from his seat at the table, his tie resting beside him and the top few buttons of his shirt undone. A few empty beer bottles sat on the table in front of him, another one in his hand. "Fine. What about math? And science?" There was a slight sneer in his voice, and Becca looked at her feet, shuffling awkwardly. "I've got those exams next week. I'll pass them though, promise." Graham snorted quietly, and polished off the beer in his hand, slamming it down on the table with a little too much force. "Yes, you will." Becca nodded and turned to leave, but he spoke before she could. "Grab us another beer, hon." She looked back at him, taking in his dishevelled hair and glassy eyes. "Dad, don't you think you've had enough?" Alex took a deep breath from where he was standing outside the door. Obviously she was feeling brave. "Who are you to tell me when I've had enough? God, you sound like your whore mother." Alex flinched, and took another step towards the doorframe, trying to build up the courage should he need to intervene. Becca's voice, strangely confident, filled the kitchen again. "Don't talk about mom like that. She deserves more respect." Graham's chair scraped against the kitchen tiles, and he stood up, frothing at the mouth. "Don't talk to me about respect in my own house. You're all the same, you, your mother, that boy. Disrespectful, ungrateful bastards, the lot of you. Don't know why I stick around. And you, throwing all of my hard work back in my face, failing your classes? I'm embarrassed to call you my kid." Alex's heart sunk at his dad's words, the words scarily reminiscent of the speech he'd recieved when he came out. Becca clenched her fists and grit her teeth. So much for best birthday yet. "God, I'm so sick of you treating us like this! I try my ass off, dad, but it's never good enough! You've stopped acknowledging Alex's existence all together. He's still your son! Just because he'd rather kiss guys, doesn't make him any less Alex than he was before. He deserves better than you." Graham was seething, stalking towards Becca with his empty beer bottle in hand. "Shut up, little girl. No-one cares what you have to say." Becca scoffed and drew back her shoulders, standing up tall. "You know what? Yeh, they do. And one day, you're gonna realise that. And then you'll be sor-" She was cut off by a sickening crack, and Alex jumped into the kitchen just in time to find Graham standing over Becca's kneeling form, her forehead cradled in her hands. Blood was seeping through her fingers, and Alex noticed the shattered beer bottle with a look of horror. "Get out." Graham was in shock, looking at the blood dripping onto his kitchen floor. He looked up at Alex, almost afraid. "Get out. You heard me." He fumbled for his keys, and ran past the Mercer kids, not sparing Becca a second glance as she whimpered quietly. Alex listened for the sound of tires against the gravel, and felt his shoulders relax as the familiar crunch sounded through the house. He fell to his knees and placed his hands on Becca's shoulders. "Bex? Bex look at me. Let me see. Bex?" Becca groaned and looked up slightly, wincing as her hand brushed against her forehead. She pulled her fingers away, and Alex hissed as he saw the nasty gash across her forehead. He struggled not to panic, forcing down the overwhelming sense of terror in his chest. Taking a deep breath, he reached out for her hands, helping her to her feet. "Fuck. Okay, come on, up you get. We gotta get you to the hospital." Becca leaned on Alex heavily as he helped her out the door, folding over in her seat when they reached the car. Alex watched her out the corner of his eye, clenching and unclenching his fists around the steering wheel. Becca's whimpers were only just audible, her shoulders trembling slightly. He was grateful for that at least- the only thought circling his head was the fear she might pass out.

They pulled up to the hospital, and Alex wasted no time, helping Becca out of the car and through the front doors, his hand round her waist. "Hey, is our mom working?" The receptionist looked up at him in surprise, taking in Becca's appearance. "Another skating accident honey? We told you to start wearing a helmet after the last one, didn't we?" Alex bit his tongue, remembering their last visit to the hospital 6 months ago, when Becca had needed stitches after being thrown down the stairs like a rag doll by their dad. The feeling in his stomach that night, seeing her body lying at the bottom of the stairwell, sprawled out, while blood trickled down her forehead, was one he'd never forget. She'd been knocked unconscious, and for a moment, Alex had feared the worst. But luckily having a mom for a doctor came in handy sometimes, and she'd gotten them straight to the hospital, with strict instructions to call it a skating accident. Alex was tempted to tell the truth, but wasn't given the chance, as Becca smiled weakly and nodded. "Yeah, sorry Naomi. I thought I'd be fine but, guess not!" The dark haired woman shook her head fondly, and brushed down her purple scrubs, before picking up the phone and dialling a number. "Hi, is Julia there? Can you tell her her kids are down here? Her daughter needs some stitches by the looks of things." Becca leant into Alex, his arm now wrapped protectively around her shoulder. Naomi set the phone down and looked at the two of them with kind eyes. "Go to room 211- your mom will meet you there. And, by the way, happy birthday sweetheart!" Becca forced a smile to the kind nurse, before turning away with Alex, and stumbling down the corridor, biting back her tears. As soon as the door was shut, she folded over and started moaning, clutching her forehead desperately. Alex stepped forward and rubbed her back, pulling her hair back and tying it with a scrunchie she had round her wrist. He grabbed her hand and squeezed it tight, guiding her to the bed and sitting her down. "I don't know where you find the guts to stand up to him, Bex. He always manages to hurt you." Becca sniffled, and leaned into her brother, releasing her forehead and feeling the warm blood trickle slowly down her temple, already sticky. "I'm sick of him treating us like this, Alex. Why are we never enough?" He bit his lip, and felt tears well up in his eyes. "I don't know, Bex. I really don't know." They sat in silence for a few more minutes, Becca's occasional whimpers the only sound in the room.

"Oh my god, Rebecca, what happened?" Julia came rushing in, and placed a hand on either side of her daughter's face, lifting it gently. The entire right side of Becca's face was covered with a light coating of blood, and her eye was screwed shut, blood coating her lashes. She sighed, and stroked her forehead, glancing at Alex. "He did this, didn't he." Her voice was hardly more than a whisper, and she continued stroking Becca's hair as she spoke, making a noise like an injured puppy when Alex nodded. "I'm so sorry baby. I should've been there." Becca shook her head, wincing as she did so. "Keep still. Let's get that sorted." Alex watched with a heavy heart as Julia fetched a suture kit, flinching everytime Becca whimpered at the new sutures. As she washed off the blood with an alcohol wipe, he felt angry tears rise to the surface, the bruise and swelling around his little sister's eye already painfully obvious. Julia pressed a kiss to her youngest child's forehead, before looking to Alex, who had his arms crossed over his chest, his body language radiating anger. "Alexander, hon, can you take her home? She should be fine. I don't want people asking questions." Alex scoffed and shook his head at her. "Really? What if she's got a concussion?" Julia sighed and peeled her gloves off, trying not to look at the red stain of her daughter's blood all over them. "Alex, please. Just do as your told." Becca looked pleadingly at her brother, wincing as she ran a finger over the bumpy stitches in her forehead. It was a nasty cut. About 4 inches wide, and pretty deep, she was going to have a beauty of a scar. "Fine. Come on, Bex." Alex reached a hand out to her, and sent one final disapproving look at his mom, before guiding Becca along the corridor with their hands intertwined. "I promise, Bex, if it's the last thing I do, I'm gonna get you out of there." Becca laughed mirthlessly, waving as they passed Naomi. "Bye honey, I don't wanna see you in here for at least another 6 months, you hear me?" Becca smiled forcefully, before disappearing into the carpark, tucked under her older brother's arm. They got home, and Alex went straight to the kitchen, running a cold towel under the tap. "Here, hold that over it." Becca took a seat at the kitchen table, pointedly avoiding looking at the collection of beer bottles on the table. She watched as Alex soaked another cloth, before kneeling down and collecting the shattered glass from the floor. Binning it, he returned to the floor, grimacing as he started wiping the red splatters off of the tiles. He scrubbed furiously, until he let out a pained groan, and slumped onto the floor, leaning his back against the fridge. Becca ran to him, holding him as he cried, letting her own tears fall. "How many times am I going to have to clean your blood of the floor, Bex?" Becca felt a tear drip off the end of her nose, and ran a hand through Alex's hair. Just over 6 months ago, they'd been in almost this exact situation, only there had been a lot less blood and glass to clean up. "Can I sleep with you tonight?" Alex nodded at his little sister's request, finding her hand and squeezing it tight.

The next morning met the Mercer kids with a silent house, a clear sign that neither their mom or dad was home. Alex rolled over and looked at his little sister, fast asleep with the covers pulled up under her chin, her hair spread across his pillow. She looked so peaceful, the ugly black of her stitches covered by her hair, and it was almost possible to imagine her as any other 16 year old girl, about to wakeup and go to school as she should, to then come home, and go out for her first driving lesson. But of course, the reality was not quite like that. She woke up not long after him, and after accepting a much needed hug for 5 minutes, legged it to the bathroom, closely tailed by Alex, who held back her hair as she vomited for 20 minutes straight. Totally wiped out, she groaned, before feeling Alex pull her against his chest, holding her tightly and rocking her back and forth in his arms. "How you feeling?" Becca groaned in response, resting her head against her brother's shoulder. They were leaning against the bathroom wall, Becca sitting in between Alex's legs with her head on his shoulder, carefully avoiding her stitches. They sat in silence, staring at the wall with blank expressions. There was nothing to be said.

Alex stirred eventually, pushing Becca off him gently, and helping her to her feet. "You need to eat. Cmon, I'll make something." Becca nodded, and walked over to the sink to get her toothbrush. "I'll be down in a bit." Once Alex left, she turned the faucet off, and looked at herself in the mirror. She ran a finger over the jagged black stitches, and touched the skin around them, wincing. A nasty bruise was already forming around them, and she knew she was going to have a killer migraine for the next few days. Becca touched the scar above her eyebrow, only an inch or so below the new stitches, and smiled sadly. Another one to add to the collection. She dropped her hands to her sides, rolling up her hoodie sleeve. She ran her right hand over the small collection of white and purple marks on her left wrist, frowning. Skating accident didn't quite cover these ones. She pulled her sleeve back down, rubbing her arm. Once again meeting her own eyes in the mirror, she drew her shoulders back, and sniffed. She was going to be okay. She had to be.

The smell of burnt toast carried up the stairs, and Becca laughed as she walked into the kitchen, finding Alex standing over a stack of charred bread, a hopeless frown on his face. "Leave it. I'll just have cereal." Alex groaned and jumped onto the counter, swinging his legs as she got the milk from the fridge. He reached in to the top cupboard, and held his hand out toward's Becca, who glared at him, and shook her head. "No, Alex." He raised his eyebrows at her and jumped down, setting the orange bottle down next to the orange juice he'd left out for her. "Take them, I don't care what you've got to say. Just do as your told." His voice told her not to argue, and she groaned, but unscrewed the cap and swallowed back two pills, gagging, before sticking her tongue out at Alex. "You done torturing me for the day?" Alex rolled his eyes and ruffled her hair, pointing to the milk. "Eat. I'm going downstairs." He shoved his hands in his pockets and left the kitchen, stopping outside the door for a moment to make sure she was actually eating. Satisfied after hearing her grab a bowl, he continued on his way down the hall, opening the door to the basement and disappearing down the stairs. The basement had been Alex's sanctuary for years, his safe space, his only escape from his parents. When he came out, he'd basically moved in, only coming out at night to go to his room. They'd soundproofed it when he picked up the drums, turning it into a sort of studio, so that he could go mental without disturbing the entire neighbourhood. His anxiety had been okay recently- it had been months since he'd had an attack. As Becca and their dad started fighting more and more, he'd felt his chest getting tighter and tighter, ready to snap. Becca was the only thing keeping him going. He knew he couldn't break while she was still at home, he had to have his head screwed on straight so he could keep her safe. One more year, that's all she needed, and then she could get to college, and she'd be safe. Their dad was terrifying. But he was also the only person in the world that Alex would stand up to- because he'd do anything not to see his little sister get hurt.

Becca cracked open the door to the basement, and sighed as she heard Alex going at it, fill after fill after fill. She knew he was hurting, and she knew it hurt him to see her hurting. But there wasn't much either of them could do about it. They'd just have to stick it out for a little longer. She pushed the door shut with a click, and ran upstairs, settling down at her desk. She had multiple pieces of homework due by the end of the week, and an impromptu day off meant she'd have lots more to catch up on the next day. But the minute she opened her history textbook, and started to scan the page, her mind started reeling, and she had to clutch her head with her eyes closed in an effort for the dizziness to go away. "Well that's a no to that then." She sighed and closed her textbook, collapsing onto her bed instead. The house was silent, Alex's frantic drumming silenced by the soundproof walls in the basement. Becca fiddled with her fingers, looking around her walls. The usual urge to suddenly change and redecorate the entire room was more dull than it normally was, almost like it was blurry, not quite defined. Her mind was reeling, struggling to work out reality and her thoughts. She groaned and buried her face in her pillow. She almost preffered the constant talking in her head to this. This feeling of uncertainty, not being able to tell the real from the fake. She was going insane.

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freshstartbaby · 4 years

Text

Quatre

PREVIOUS PART

🎧 Me, myself and I - Beyoncé

I finally got back home. This trip was amazing. I really had a good time. Beautiful country, beautiful house, beautiful people, peace. I can’t wait for our next trip together. The crew was lit for real. But every good thing has an end. We’re back to reality baby. I was getting ready for work this monday morning. It was my sixth week. It went well that far. My bosses were kind, good listeners and really seemed to want to make me comfortable. My co-workers were cool too. I was greatful and excited because my missions were fitting me so well. I will have few presentations this week so I’m kind of anxious. But I got this.

I really worked hard since day one at this position because I didn’t want to mess it up. I wanted to show that I deserve my place. So I didn’t really take time to discover LA yet. I like to enjoy myself but I’m workaholic sometimes. I wasn’t down for distraction.

Speaking of distraction I heard my phone buzzed on the sink of the bathroom. I finished rubbing the lotion on my legs and grabbed it.

@bignasty reacted to your story

I twisted my mouth and smiled slowly. This boy. Mhhh how can I say that. We got close at the end of the trip. Like he is a very kind person and all of that. We kept in touch when we were back in LA. I mean we exchanged good morning, good night, joke messages, FaceTime and things like that. He proposed to me to see each other few times but I kept declining it. Even if it was very tempting. We weren’t on holiday anymore. And even if he was a kind, smart and attractive man, I felt like he was radiating a fuckboy vibe. I was not falling into it. So the less we see each other the better I will be. I tapped on the screen, opened the message and double tapped it. I put my phone back, adjusted my shirt and heard my phone buzzed again. This time it was a FaceTime call.

My eyes widened at the sound. I looked back at my phone and saw Florian’s name on the screen. I answered and went to my bedroom saying

« You are really face timing me at 8:17 in the morning » I said sitting on my bed

« Wassup Rob » he said smiling. Oh Jesus that voice. It looks like he was in his car

« And you're doing it while driving ? »

« I’m not on the road, can you at least say hi back » blinking his eyes

« Hello my dear » smiling and putting my hand under my chin

« There she is, how you doin ? » he said smiling

« I’m good thank you, and you ? Where you goin ? »

« I’m good to, I’m heading home, I was at the gym » he said rubbing his neck

« Mhhh I see, you were pushing hard for you naked photos on IG » I said miming some sport

« Why are you like that ? » he said laughing « at least you are watching to them »

« Not AT ALL » I said rolling my eyes knowing I was discovered

« Yea Yea I hope you enjoy it » he said, licking his lips. You see ? I told you ? Fuckboy

« Yea Yea quit it » I answered

« You heading to work ? »

« Yes, I start at 9:30»

« You want me to drop you ? I’m not that far »

I put my head to the side, thinking. I wasn’t sure it was a great idea. I mean I kept declining his proposition to get out my and now he's proposing me a service and I say yes ? I don’t want him to think I’m scrounger.

« I don’t know, I don’t want to bother-

« I know you don’t have a car yet, I’m not far, it will make you arrive earlier and I just want to see you so bad »he said in a calm voice

Woaw booooooy. I smiled and put my head down licking my lips.

« Or maybe you don’t want to see me at all, I feel like I’m pushing you theses weeks »

« No no it’s not like that, it’s just that i was settling in my new place and I began this new wor-«

« Yea I know you’ve been working hard »

« I just want to kill it you know ? » i asked him

He nodded his head and waited for my answer. Few seconds passed when he said

« Just text me your address Rob »

I pinched my lips, got to our message conversation, texted my address and sent him.

« It’s on its way » I said

I saw him grabbed his phone and tapped on his screen

« I’m here in 14 minutes » he told me

« Okaaaaaay » i answered in a low voice

« See you in a minute »

As the video ended I put my phone on my bed. Okay I was ready to nailed this week. But I hadn’t prepared myself to see him, not physically I mean mentally. Jesus. I think that it was the most stressing 10 minutes since I don’t know when. I shook my entire body in front of my mirror, trying to not look stressed or anxious. Checked myself a last time and closed my door.

I was waiting in front of my building, scrolling my feed when I felt a car parked in front of me. I was ready to step inside when I saw him get out of his side and stepped closer to me. I forgot how huge he was. He was in a grey street wear ensemble and looked just so fine. He was just not playing fair. A big smile appeared on his mouth before he pulled me into a tight hug. I found myself smiling maybe harder than him. He pulled back and told me

« I missed you »

« No, I missed you » I said pushing his shoulder

He stepped back, opened the door and told me to get in here. I thanked him and watched him go back to his seat. Once he closed his door he looked at me still smiling. At this point my cheeks were burning. His smile was so contagious.

« It’s good to see you » he said looking me in the eyes

« It's good to see you » I repeated. It really was. I didn’t think I will felt that way

« Still shining « he said looking me up and down

« Still looking handsome » I replied

We stared at each other few seconds before laughing. He handed me his phone so I could put my work’s address. He took his phone back and secured it on the board. We were ready to go. We were on the road, taking news, finally face to face when my phone started ringing

« Theo 🤍 is calling »

I excused myself and took the call.

« Hey you » i said smiling

« Hi Rob, how are you ? »

« I’m great thank you, and you ? »

« Pretty fine, am I bothering you ? »

« No ! I’m on my way to work »

« Is that a road sound ? You found a car ? »

« No yet, a friend kindly proposed me to drop me this morning » I said looking at Florian

« Oh ok. I'm not goin to bothering you any longer, I took my flight, I will arrive in LA Wednesday »

« Oh Wednesday ? Great ! »

« Yea I can't wait to see your face, I got so many things to tell you « he said laughing

« Ow I can't wait to see you too baby » I bitted my lips realizing that Florian was just beside me

« My dad will be in LA too, are you down for dinner ? »

« Of course when ? Wednesday evening ? »

« Yes »

« Ok i put it on my agenda »

« Amazing, see you Wednesday then ? »

« See you Wednesday Theo » I said smiling

I put my phone in my bag and took a breath so my shoulders went down

« Who was that ? » Florian said keeping his eyes on the road

« A New York friend «

He nodded and went silent again

« A friend ? » he asked

« Yea « I said laughing trying not to look uncomfortable

« You called him baby »

« I call everybody baby »

« Not me » he said looking at me with serious face

Why do I feel like I’m in trouble ? He is kind of impressing when he talk like that

« You want me to call you baby Florian ? » I said acting like it wasn’t a big deal

« If you calling everyone like that I’m not interested » he said looking back at the road

« The nerve » I said rolling my eyes

« At least baby has the chance to take you on dinner » he said referring to Theo

I let my jaw drop at the end of his sentence. He was really doing me like that ?

« You heard that ? » i asked

« I did, I'm not asking you out again anyway »

I started laughing to make him relax. His smiled and looked at me

« I’m not laughing. »

I poured my mouth trying to coax him.

« Don’t do this face » he said looking back at the road « You’re the one saying me no »

A silence settled between us. I was feeling bad. I didn’t thought that it will mean so much to him

« Look, I promise you that this week, I’m booking an evening for you or this weekend if you want ? »

« An evening. And an entire day this weekend. » he said

I opened my eyes like woaw ok.

« You can not step back now » he said « you promised » He continued while parking

I slowly shook my head, unput my seatbelt. And looked at him.

« Thank you for the ride » I said softly

« Thank you for accepting it » he answered nodding his head.

I opened the door, stepped away and closed it. I was ready to head to my work when I came back on my steps. I made the tour of the car. Florian opened the window and watched me with a wondering face.

« Get out » I told him

He closed the window and opened the door slowly so he wouldn't hit me. He got out watching me as I pulled him in a hug. I heard him chuckle before putting his arms around me.

I don’t really know how to explain this but let me do it short. I would have regretted it all week if I hadn’t done this. Sometimes you just have to do what you got to do. My guts were telling me to take this big boy in my arms while I could. Before I mess all this up. I felt his left hand caressing the back of my head and his mouth pressed on my temple. I could literally die like this. His hand left the back of my head and patted the lower part of my back

« You gon be late « he whispered

I let my arms slowly drop and stepped back

« Have a nice day » I said with a little smile

« Have a nice day Rob » he said licking his lips

I headed the building shaking my head. Let’s do this baby.

—-

« I swear to you, this co worker is just super annoying « I said laughing « what kind of people keep asking you where you going everytime he sees you walking »

« Next time, do me a favor, tell him to mind his business » Alexandra said

We were on facetime while I was getting ready for my dinner with Theo and his father.

« So you have a date with your daddy and your father in law tonight, let me see what you wearing » she said

« You know what, I ain’t goin to argue with you about that » I said blending my eyeshadow « but I’m giving you minimalist rock shit » I continue showing her my jacket « and I’m goin to put my black ducksmartin »

« If you can take money from these white men, do it »

« Drop it Xandraaaa »

She kept laughing when Alexander appeared behind her saying me Hi

« Hey Alex »

« You good Rob ?» he said

« Super fine »

« And just so you know » he said looking at his girlfriend « she can’t have dinner with a father in law because she is dating Florian tomorrow night » he kissed her cheek and left

Alexandra looked at me, mouth full open

« You got a date with BIG NASTY and you hided it from me »

« I was going to tell you I swear it was the next topic but first of all Alexander take you ass back in here » I saw him come back « how do you know that ? He told you ? «

« Yep »

« My god he is so talkative, and second of all it’s not a date »

« Hum this is not what he told me » he said looking to the side and twisting his mouth

« Well this is not what is told me either and I’m the one concerned here so this is definitely not a date, this is a chill night » I said putting on my last lashes

« A CHILL NIGHT ? » Alexandra screamed « like what Netflix and chill ? Girl he is going to bang youuuuuuuu » she said laughing

« No it’s not a Netflix and chill I’m not that dumb, we going to eat » I said with a little smile.

She was so true, I was so trapped if I allowed myself to Netflix and chill with him.

« And Saturday he is giving me a proper LA tour, it’s going to be fun »

« at least you stopped ghosting him » Alexander said while drinking water

I opened my mouth in shock, did Florian really tell him that ? Boys talk like girls these days i couldn’t believe him

« First of all she didn’t ghosted him, she took her distances because we never know with you guys » Alexandra said

« Thank youuuu ! »

We kept talking when I received a text message from Theo saying me that he was here on my block. I said goodbye to them and went to put on my shoes when I heard the ring belled. I opened the door and saw him

« Well Hello Mister T » i said smiling hard

He looked up at me and pulled me in a tight hug. We stayed there few seconds before he stepped back putting his right hand on my cheek

« I missed you « he whispered

I closed my eyes and smiled shyly before pulling him in a quick hug and telling him to come in. He stepped in and handed me a bag. I took it and watched what inside, it was kind of heavy

« I know you don’t like flowers so I took you few bottles »

There were five wine bottles. It was the brand that I used to drink when I came to his place.

« I took 2 white, 2 rose and 1 red because baby you need to your puck needs to get used to it »

I laughed softly about how he was right about everything. I wasn’t a flower girl. And I wasn’t a red wine girl either. It’s gon be few years he kept telling me that I have to get used to red wine.

« Let me put this in the kitchen. Please take a sit and thank you, I really appreciate it » I said kissing his cheek « then we can go »

« Oh we got few minutes in front of us, you giving me a tour ? » He said smirking

« Theo you already know the place « I said smiling

« Hey but I want to know how you decorated it »

« Come on lets give you a second tour »

I put the new bottles in the kitchen, showed him how I decorated the place and we went to the restaurant. He told me that his father will join us when we get there.

When we were in the cab, talking about past weeks I felt my phone buzzed. I grabbed it and saw a text message

Florian Munteanu:

Have a nice dinner with baby

I shook my head. He was so childish. I unlocked my phone and told him

« Thank you ! Don’t worry you will have your own dinner tomorrow ️ »

I hadn’t the time to put my phone back in my bag that he answered me

« It’s gon be better with me »

I rolled my eyes, he just never stop

« It’s not a competition Florian »

...

« Yea I know I just want to make you happy »

I softly smiled at the last message.

—-

The dinner went very well. It’s been a while I haven’t seen Theo’s dad. I could clearly remember where is soft part came from. Very nice and dedicated people. I liked the way that he was talking to me like I was his own daughter. We laughed at the fact that when we were three of us, we always had people glancing at us like I was the a Sugar Baby with two Sugar Daddies. Theo’s father insisted to pay for us and went back to his place. Theo and I still had a lot to discuss and weren’t tired so we decided to go take a drink.

I was showing him Tulum photos. There was the house, landscape, the crew and we arrived at a part when there were like a dozen pictures of me and Florian, a little wasted. Theo looked at me scrolling the picture faster and told me

« You had fun don’t you ? » he said rubbing his chin

« Yeaaaa it was awesome » I said exiting the pictures app.

He nodded his head still looking at me for few seconds

« I need to tell you something «

I looked at him. He wasn’t used to telling me things like that. He is more straight to the point guy. I put my back in the back of my chair and crossed my legs still looking at him

« Should I be afraid ? »

« Naaaaa « he said before drinking a big sip of his beer and put his back in the back of his chair miming me

« Come on drop it ! »

Few seconds passed before he said

« I met someone. » he said looking down and smiling

I never saw him that way. I raised his chin with my finger and took his and

« YOU DID WHAT ? » I said smiling hard

My reaction made him laugh and I saw that he relaxed a little

« I met someone »

I waited for the rest like come on « i met someone is not enough »

« And ?! » I said still cheerfully

« And we get along pretty well »

« Theo stop teasing me, what else ? »

« What do you want to know ? » he said rubbing his hands on his face trying to hide how happy he was

« When, where, her name, her position, what do you like about, who made the first move, everything man spill the tea ! »

He shook his head and started to tell me the business. He knows her for years but he saw her few months ago and they started to see each other. She is named Olivia and they have the same age. If I have well understood, he loves everything about her. He seemed shy to say everything he thought in a loud voice but the smile on his face was priceless. I was happy for him. Really. Even if it’s going to be weird to not have him « for myself » I was happy that he didn't make any further moves toward me. I really care about him and I wasn’t down for breaking what we had. He woke me from my thought

« Rob ? »

« Mmh ? » I mumbled

« You have all the information you needed ? » he said squeezing my hand

I watched our connected hand and moved mine off softly

« No actually, when do I meet her and I need pictures baby you can’t not describe a lady like that without showing me her pretty face »

« Next time you come to NYC, I will love you to meet her » he said grabbing his phone un pulled it towards me to show me his new baby

Woooooo ok i see he likes that melanin stuff . She was gorgeous. She looks stunning

« She is hot as fuck « I said sipping my drink

« I know » he said raising hi shoulders

I laughed « oh maybe we could go to this restaurant you know with the rooftop when I will meet her »

« Mhh i think it’s gon be a house night »

I watched him with a wondering face

« We moving together in few weeks »

I blink a minute

« Baby, this is huge » I said speechless but smiling

« I know » he said shaking his head like no one of this was real

« Should I get ready for a wedding or a babyshower ? »

« Both. You know I don’t come to play »

« My gooooooooosh « I said laughing « she really took you up for herself »

« You should went faster » he said winking at me

I rolled my eyes at his last sentence and finish my drink

—-

« Next point, I would like us to re do the benchmark on two customers because I’m not satisfied with some points »

I rush my fingers through my hair trying to hide how annoyed I was. Explain me why the fuck do my team put me in meetings that always exceeds the timing. It was already 7:20 and Florian told me to be ready for 8:30. How the fuck I’m supposed to get back home and get ready on time ?

The meeting finally ended thanks to a co-worker who had to get her daughter. Thank you, thank you for rescued us. I grabbed my stuff and runned down the building catching my cab.

I was trying to figure out what I was going to wear since I haven’t prepared anything at all. I closed my eyes trying to visualize where the clothes I chose when I grabbed my phone. I rather prevent Florian now, I don’t want to upset him. I went to our text messages and started to tappe

« Flooooooooorian »

« Don’t even think about cancel tonight »

« No way ! I just might be late »

« You weren’t late for dinner with baby »

« You need to drop this for real »

I will still arrive at your place on time, i will wait for you »

« Ok text me when you down my building I will text you my code »

« No prob see you »

I put back my phone on my bag and clothe my eyes trying to relax

—-

« Are we goin to walk a lot ?» I said louder enough so Florian could hear my voice

« No » he screamed back

I looked at my black thigh high boots and shook my head. Not tonight babies. I don’t feel like heels anyway. I Grabbed my A1 and put them on. Took my perfume and pulsed it everywhere around me, I like to smell good. Like you know a smell good that makes you turn back. I closed my bedroom door and stepped quickly in the living room holding my hands praying

« I’m so sorry for my lateness, thank you for waiting for me »

I saw him sitting on my couch. He had a black jean and sweatshirt, a denim jacket

and some red Nikes. This man doooooe. He looked back at me with a little smile. I couldn’t help but laugh. He looked at me with a wondering face.

« It’s just the way you are seated » I said grabbing my keys

« What about it ? »

« Why do you have to spread your legs that way » I said laughing again

« I don’t know I’m just used to it » he said laughing and sitting up « you better stop making fun at me let me remind you that you're late so keep it low »

Step towards me and pull me into a hug. Shiiish. I need to keep my mind clear. He pulled away a little and kissed my forehead. Owwww jesus why he is doing me like that. I grabbed his chin softly

« Mmh I see someone got a fresh haircut and all » i said smirking

« Yea you know I got to look cute for the chicks »

I rolled my eyes and put my hand on the door handle.

« Wait, do you want a glass of water before we go ? » I asked him

« Na I’m good let’s go »

I closed the door and called the elevator. We stepped in as in checked myself in the mirror. I saw his reflect in the mirror, leaning on the wall checking me too.

« See something you like ? »

« Stop asking dumb question » he said putting his hood on

I looked at him, put a hand on my chest faking to be shocked. I followed him outside until the car. He opened the door and waited for me to jump in

« This is the first and last time you call me dumb » I said pointing my finger at him

« Alright » he said, licking his lips « are you going to come in or what ? »

I stepped in the car and pulled out my tongue at him. He closed the door and went to his side

« I already warned about that tongue out » he said in a low voice

« Maybe if you stop annoying me it will be another way » I said with a little attitude

He bucked his seatbelt and watched me

«You know what, I’m planning to make you have a great night, so I’m not going to waste my time about this attitude you got »

I put my back in the back of the seat and twisted my mouth. Ok I was acting up. I need to chill out. Like come on Rob it’s nothin.

« Thank you for taking me out tonight » I said in a low voice

« Thank you for finally accepting »

He does it on purpose. How can’t I have an attitude with this boy.

« Can I put some music on ? » I said trying to sound nice enough

« Oh now you want to be kind » he said

I looked at him and then toward the window, he is pushing me right now

« Alright, alright I stop teasing you, we drop it, come on don’t be mad at me » he said putting is hand on my bare thigh

« you’re annoying » I said hidely enjoying his touch

« I know I stop, I’m sorry look at me Babe »

I turned my head back at him, pinching my lips. Did he call me ... babe ? Boy don’t start.

« Come on give me a kiss »

« EXCUUUUUUSE ME ? » I said laughing at him « you must have lost your mind »

« Come on don’t be a child, on my cheek. Take it as a peace sign »

I looked at him, not totally sure if I would do it. Come on Robyn stop being a bitch. I step closer to his face

« You better not turn your head at last moment » I whispered

« You wish I do don't you ? » he said not moving his head from his position

I leaned and pecked his cheek before grabbing his phone. I opened Spotify and put a sold on

🎧 44buldog - Pop Smoke

He started the car as I started vibing on the song and making gun shot sounds. First he laughed at me but finished by doing the same. The drive was fun, I tried to put songs that he might like when I asked him

« Give me a German song I would like «

« A German song ? » he asked

« Yea »

« Like what R’n’b ? Rap ? Electro ? »

« As you want. Something you hear and you like « Yea Robyn should love this » «

« Mhhhh let me think, oh ! I knoowwww » he said ending his sentence laughing

« Tell me »

« It’s Azad Goddesses but he raps in English »

« Alright let me hear it » I said tapping on the sound

I watched at the window while the sound began. I heard him rap few lyrics. The sound was chill. He was right. I kind of like it. I was enjoying the scene when the hook dropped

Hypnotic

The way she move her body

Girl, you so erotic

Won't you come and ride it?

I turned my head looking back at him. Obviously he was enjoying lips singing the « won’t you come and ride it » part. I blinked a few times finding myself turned on by this question. Boooooooy if I wasn't so Insecure of course I would come and ride it. I meaaaaaaaaaan. Robyn stick to the fucking plan. Do I have one ? I don’t know oh lord help me.

We arrived after riding for 20 minutes and stepped out of the car. We headed to a building we’re there was a quite big line. Florian went directly to the start and greated a man before saying that he made a reservation. The man told him to come in. He looked back at me and gave me his hand. I grabbed it and followed him. Ok I’m going to stop lying to myself, I like feeling his hands, I like when he touches me, I just like it, can I really blame myself for this ?

We stepped in the place. There were a lot of neon spots and there was very good music on air. I could feel the bass a little. You know it makes your girl want to bounce everywhere. We arrived at our place and took a seat. The waiter told us to scan the QR code if we wanted anything. We thanked her as she left. I took the time to look around me and started to move my shoulders to the rhythm without noticed it

« Do you like it ? » Florian asked me with a smile

« I like the vibe » I said smiling back and still dancing a little

« Yeaaaa that’s what i thought, so look this a bar club restaurant chill place let’s call it a concept store ok ? »

« Okaaay but it’s not what matter «

« What you mean ? »

« What can I eat here ? And boy you told me good food only so don’t fuck it up »

« Hold up babe you really think I’m going to mess up our first date » he said laughing

« Wo wo wo you hold up just right there, I had echos about that and let me tell you something this is not a date »

He blank a second

« This is a date » he said putting his elbow on the table

« This is definitely not a date »

« You’re joking right ? » he said not losing his smile

« Absolutely not »

« What do you mean by this not a date ? »

« You didn’t sell me this that way. Next time, don’t forget to put the form like « Robyn you know what, I quite like you, maybe we can learn about each other better during a proper date, what do you think about it ? « «

He put down his head and rubbed his eyes . He raise back his head and looked at me

«You’re going to drive me crazy, you know that ? »

I nodded my head still dancing

« What about tomorrow ? » he said

« Still not a date »

He shook his head and scanned the RQ code before showing me the menu. There was everything, pizza, waffle, burgers, French fries, sushi, pasta, tacos... I didn’t really know what to take so I asked him to help me. I finally took sushi with a bubble tea which made Florian’s face twisted

« You don’t like bubble tea »

« Na « he said laughing

« Have you ever tried ? »

« Either »

« How could you say you don’t like it if you never tried it »

« I just feel like I don’t like it »

« Oh my god Florian » I said rolling my eyes

The night went extra well. I had a good time and I ate very well too. Sometimes when Florian was talking to me, I was wondering if I really was ready for whatever we going to. The more we talk the more a understood that he was not just a very good looking man but also a funny and deep one. Which was scary. Even if he was chill all night I could feel a little switch when I told him that it wasn’t a date. He drove me back and I felt him a little quite. We finally arrived down my building, he parked and turn off the car. We stayed few seconds in a silence, me looking at him, him looking in front of him

« Are you ok ? »

« Yea » he said softly smiling

« You seemed a little quite »

« I’m fine Robyn »

Oh he dropped the babe thing ?

« Look I didn’t mean to be rude when I told you that it wasn’t a date »

« I know »

« So i hope I didn’t hurted you by saying that »

« It’s not about hurting me, it's more like » he rubbed his thigh with his hands and looked at the window, clearly searching for his words or pissed of the situation « it’s just destabilized me, you know ? I don’t really know in which way to dance with you »

« I understand and I’m sorry about that » I said grabbing his hand « to be honest with you Flo, I’m not sure about what I want myself and I just need time to figure it out »

He rubbed my hand with his thumb and kissed it

« Thank you for you honesty » he mumbled

« But I had a great night, and it was delicious and the place was awesome »

« So you enjoyed your night » he said playing with my fingers

« I did »

« Well I passed the mission » he said laughing then looked back at me « get home safe Rob »

« I’m not the one driving but I will » I said opening the door and stepping out

« Don’t forget my hug »

« I won’t « I said going to his side

He stepped out and took me in his arm as I rubbed his back.

« Go before I kidnap you » he whispered

—-

🎧 Pink + White

Things have been a little crazy these days. I was doing pretty well at my job so my bosses put me on more important customers. I started back dance classes. I finally got a car. And I started working out again. So yea big days, big weekends and repeat. I had maybe 3 times Alexandra on the phone and Flo and I texted each other anytime we could. Since our discovering LA day we didn’t have the time to catch each other but we talked a lot. I was still wondering where the fuck I am goin with this boy but yea we talked a lot. Moreover, he wasn’t the only one to send the first message, I tried to not act like I didn't matter about him.

It was Saturday morning, I had just finished to clean my place. I was sitting on the couch looking to the window. I must call him. It’s been a while since I haven’t see his face. Did i kind of miss him ? I don’t really know. I grabbed my phone and facetime called him. I let it rang for like 8 times, I was ready to hang up, maybe he was busy, when I saw his face

« Hey Flo »

« Hey Beautiful how are you ? »

« I’m good and you »

« I’m doing fine »

I stared at my screen enjoying how gorgeous he was

« what is this early call worth to me ? »

« Mhhh nothing at all I wanted to see your face »

« You got my ig for that »

« You know what I mean, I wanted to check up on you »

« Mmmh, this is kind of you, I’m good »

« Alright, do you think you will have time for me ? I would like to see you » I said in a low voice the last sentence

« Excuse me ? You would like to what « he said laughing

« See you » i said clearly

« Woaw you mean that Robyn Matthew, like THE Robyn Matthew I know, like the fine ass wants to see me ? Woaw i'm going to get emotional » he said acting up

« Have you finished ? » i said shaking my head

—-

I was walking down Forian’s block. He invited me to his place with some friends of his to spend the evening together. I was trying to walk faster because your girl was late. The thing is I took a nap and I just didn’t wake up. The GPS told me that was arrived so I stopped and looked around me. I tapped the code and entered the building. The hall was very pretty with a big nice mirror. Your girl is so addicted to the mirror I had to take a picture.

I took the stairs and went where he indicated to me. I stepped to the door and rang the bell. I waited few seconds and the door opened. He watched me up and down with a straight face before saying

« You lost yourself ? »

« I fall asleep » I said leaning on the door frame

« You spend your entire life sleeping it’s incredible » he said before chuckling

I pouted my mouth as he pulled me into a hug. God I missed this. We were enjoying our embrasement when I heard

« Yooooo she is here ! »

Florian laughed softly before pull out and grabbed my hand

« Come in let me introduce you »

We went through the row when I could notice a lot of pictures on the wall when he spoke

« Guys this is Robyn « he said behind me with his hands on my shoulders

« Hello Robyn » they all said in choir like anonymous alcoholics meeting

« Wassup guys » I said moving my hand and smiling shyly

« So this is Marcus, Leana, Steven, Karen, Josh and Zac » Florian said pointing at people

« I’m not going to remember everyone’s name but I will with a little time » I said laughing

We shared a laugh when Florian told me to take a seat as he went to another room. There was only one armchair left so I went for it. I sat down and removed my handbag. As I raise my head I saw everyone looking at me.

« Woooo guys you’re making me uncomfortable » I said smiling shyly

« No, don’t be, we’re just happy to have you here « a man said, I think his name was Steven or Marcus ? I already don’t remember

« Yeaaa we heard a lot about you, we couldn’t wait so finally see you » a girl said

« What do you mean ?» I asked

« Flo talked a lot about you » the other girl said

« Really ? » I said a little flattered

« What ? » Florian said getting back to the living room

« We were saying to Robyn that you keep talking about her » the first girl said

« Oh yall want to start being annoying ? » he chuckled

« He also said that you were looking fine but he didn’t mention that you were THAT fine » a guy said. Oh I really need to remember the name I don’t want to be rude

« What’s your name again ? »

« Zac » he said with a bright smile

« Don’t listen to him, he got a baby mama » Florian said

« Man you didn’t have to do me like that » zac said rolling his eyes

« Do you want to drink or eat something ? » Florian asked me sitting on the armrest of my armchair

« What you got ? »

« Come on » he said giving me a head move

We went to his kitchen. He proposed to me pizza, wings, French fries, donuts, candies, water, juices and alcohol. I declined the last one because I will have to drive home

« You’re not staying ?« he asked me

« what do you mean ? » I said chewing a candy and putting my hands on the island

« Everyone is staying late so you can drink, rest a little and go back after that. Or you can spend the night here I don’t mind » he said leaning back just next to me, his back on the island

I twisted my face at the last sentence. Very dangerous. Very risky.

« Or maybe you are too afraid something might happen » he said looking down at me licking his lips

Oh he wants to play. I was in a good mood. Let’s play. I tried to keep my face straight before sniffing

« Like what ? » I said looking back at him trying to looked confident

He put his hands on my hips and turned me facing him. Stepped closer and put his hands on the island trapping me

« I don’t know, everything can happen with you » he said close to my ear

I laughed at his sentence. My heart was beating fast. I put my hands on his chest pushing him a little so I could face him

« You been thinking about me, haven't you ? » I whispered rubbing a little his chest

« The same way you been thinking about me Babe »

« Ow you back with the babe thing ? » i said looking at his gold necklace and playing with it because his eyes were doing things to me right now

« Yea I know you love it when I call you like that » he whispered putting his head close to my neck

One of his hand left the island and grip my waist pulling closer to him

« You still haven’t chosen a nickname for me, I’m going to start to think you do it on purpose « he said in a low voice before I felt his wet lips on my neck.

This one action caused my entire body shuttled down and totally turned on at the same time. I gripped his arm because I was surprised by it. I felt my eyes rolled, my knees getting weak, a concert in my stomach and last but not least damp between my thighs. One part of me wanted to push him back and tell him to stop playing. The other one wanted to be taken right here right now. But I just couldn’t move either way. As I tried to focus on the feeling on his lips my mouth started watered. The first kiss was soft and kind. Now I could feel his tongue and him devouring like he was starving for days. My pantie was ruined.

« Tell me you missed me » he whispered before skimmed his lips against my skin, pulled back and put his hand on my cheek.

I re opened my eyes facing him closer than we ever was, shook my head a little a pushed him back

« You playing way too much » my tone was weird as fuck, almost like I had lost my voice

« I never saw that face Babe what is it ? « he said chucking like a demon « I could get used to it « he finally stepped away for me. It was like a relief but the whore in my head screamed to get him back.

« So you staying or not ?»

I put my hand through my hair and shook my head to agree.

We spent the night eating, drinking and playing videos games. I had a lot of fun with Karen and Leana. It was nice to meet new people around since I only knew Florian and Veronica. They were just hilarious. During the entire evening I felt like I couldn’t stay to much far from Florian. Like my body wanted to feel his hands again. I succeed keeping some distances so I was quite proud of myself. I was at my 6 or maybe 7 drink when they started playing Soul Calibur IV, a fight video game. I was hot at this game, I used to spend entire afternoon playing it with my brother. I asked if I could play when Florian told me that it was for novices.

« Excuse me ? I could make you doubt about your own existence if I fight you » I said arrogantly

« Oooooooooh she said she could make you beat you » Steven said trying to warm up the thing

« You can not beat me Babe I’m sorry » he said laughing

« Oooooooh he called you babe, what is you going to do about that » Steven said again

« Bet ? » I asked eying him

« You want to bet with me Robyn come on, I’m going to break you »

« What do you want to bet ?» Karen asked me

«Mh let me think, a weekend totally spoiled, I feel like I could be take care of» I said smiling taking the controller and watching Florian

He laughed and stared at me before saying

« Alright I think I could enjoy being take care of too » he said winking at me

« Ooooooh was he talking about money or was he talking about sex ? » Steven said acting like a tv presenter

We laughed and started to play. I ain’t goin to lie to you. I was near to lose but you know your girl. I smashed his white ass

« I was thinking Tijuana, Calabasas or maybe Vegas, what do you think Handsome ? » I said sitting on his lap and touching his beard.

« I hate you » he said putting his face in his hands

« Oh come on you will go through it » I said rubbing is arm with a big smile on my face

—-

I was in Florian’s bed, him by my side. Steven was on the couch and the girls took the guest bedroom. When Florian asked me if it was bothering me to share his bed, maaan absolutely not. He gave me a shirt so I could change myself and guided me to his room. The first thing that struck me was the temperature. Why was it so cold? I told him to put it up when he explained to me that he was better to sleep in this kind of temperature because blablabla. Oh my god. I stopped listening and touched the blanket. He was lucky that it seemed to me warm enough. What kind of people sleep in a cold room? Ok it’s true, alcohol had kicked me a little, I was laughing for nothing and very cuddling but I was still on my guard. We never know. I thought I will fall asleep faster because i was feeling a little tired but I just couldn’t sleep

« I can’t sleep » I said softly

He turned to my side

« Let’s play » he said with a play tone

« Let’s play to what don’t even start Florian »

« Why you always talking about sex things, am I messing with your head that much ? »

« boy shut up » I said laughing « play what ? »

« Don’t ever tell me to shut up » he said pushing me « I don’t know let's ask question, but real questions like questions we never will to ask each other, or just simple questions everything you want »

« It’s a dangerous game » I said

« I know but if there is a question we don’t want to answer, even if it’s not funny, we got to pick a safe word you know ? So if we’re not comfortable enough we can pass it »

« awkward »

« What ? «

« The safe word is awkward «

« Alright, you want to start ? »

« Yea Mhh what is your biggest fear in life ? »

« Mh good one, disappoint and lose my dearest »

« Fair enough »

« And you ? »

« Mh ending my life without being happy »

« Being happy ? »

« Yes »

« What is being happy for you ?»

« Here you go Dr Munteanu » he chuckled a little at my sentence « Mhh you just feel it you know, it’s a feeling, it’s different from people, for me I think it’s waking up motivated, do the best that I can during the day and going to sleep being satisfied about what I did »

« Yea I see, what’s your favorite flower ?«

« I don’t like flowers »

« Excuse me ? »

« I don’t like flowers » I said laughing

« what kind of girl are you ? You’re such a psychopath «

« Thank you for the compliment, what is your favorite colour ? »

« Green and you, don’t answer that, I know it’s black »

« Absolutely not » I couldn’t see his face but I knew he was lost « ok you’re right »

« Of course I’m right » he said pushing me

« Stop pushing me you are goin to make me fall » I said stepping in the center of the bed

« Stop lying and tell me you want to be closer to me, it's not a big deal. Anyway what was your worst date ? »

« Thanks god I didn't have very bad dates, but there was this guy. We met on Facebook, we talked and all. Then he proposed a date to the movie theater. I made myself cute and all. And when I arrived I saw him he was tall like a 10 years old boy. Jesus it was so awkward. You know when the first 10 seconds of the date you know that it’s already dead »

« But what did he do ? »

« Nothing but it was just not possible, I need to feel protected, or at least do the same height as me »

« Fortunately you look like a oopa loompa next to me » he said then laughed like a kid

« You’re so mean, what about your worst date ?»

« Mhhh she was beautiful and seemed really funny and smart but she had bad breath, it was just to much for me she broke my heart »

« When you said beautiful, what was she like ? »

« Blonde, blue eyes, tall, very good looking, very big breast-«

« Are you an ass or breast boy ? »

He laughed. He laughed a little bit to much

« I used to be a breas-«

« Oh my god Florian you’re so white « I said shaking my head

« Let me finish, I was a breast boy but since I move here I changed my team »

« What your ex look like ? »

« Mhhh Natalia is a brunette, same height as you, very light skin, big black eyes, extra cute »

« Oouh boy you like her ? » I said, the way he described her let me think that he maybe still have contact with her

« Not anymore but she is a nice person »

« Mh I see, you still see her when you go to Germany ? »

« Sometimes, but hold up it’s my turn to ask questio-«

« Give me a last one »

« Go ahead »

« Do you make out when you go there ? »

« Awkward. »

« Oooooooooh Mmmmy Goooood Flooooorian «

« No no ok let me answer it happened two times »

« Shiiiiish what a lover boy »

« Cut it, my turn, what your ex looked like ? »

« Mh tall, a little skinny, beautiful features, big lips, black, short hair cut » I said trying to describe every point of Leo’s face

« Mmh and « few seconds passed before he said « do you still want to get married ? »

« To be honest with you. I have no idea. I’m not goin to jump in it, but I don’t think I would never want it again. I didn’t lean on this case since then I have to admit. »

« i see »

We stayed in a silence for few minutes when he asked me

« Do you miss him ? »

« The million dollar question. It’s complicated because sometimes I found myself wondering about him. Which makes me want to slap myself. And on the other hand I think that I missed what I thought we had you know ? I think that unconsciously I make our story prettier so I can miss something » I turned back and positioned myself on my stomach « but I don’t feel like I miss him, I more feel like I miss having someone which is worst I think »

« Why ? You can not blame yourself for wanting to share your life with someone. »

« Yea but i don’t think it’s healthy that my happiness depends on someone »

« You’re right about that, but I don’t think it’s incompatible to be ok with yourself and enjoy the company of someone » he said

« Mhhh you must be right, I’m not at this level for now » I said touching his wrist where his religious bracelet was « how old were you when you were baptized ? »

« 3 months I think, are you baptized ? »

« Nope »

« Really ? » i could feel the worry in his voice

« Yea » I said softly

« Why ? »

« Ask the lady who is my mother »

« What do you like the most about her ? »

« Awkward «

« Ok about your dad ? »

« Awkward «

« Alright alright you got siblings ? »

« Awkward «

« Are saying this to make fun of me or you serious »

« I’m serious «

« oh ok im sorry, mh you and baby?»

« Baby ? » I asked

« Yea you had dinner with him last time »

« Oh TheI, Yea what about him ? »

« Is he more than a friend or-«

« He is family »

« Family ? »

« Absolutely. »

« Alright »

« Do you know that I can speak German ? »

I felt him raising up but still laying on the bed. Suddenly he turned on the bed light

« You kidding right ? » he said with big eyes

« Damn Florian turn the light off yoooo » I said trying to hide from the light like a vampire underneath the sheets

« Are you kidding or not ? »

« I’m not kidding »

He turned off the light and lay down back

« I want to eat it »

« Chill out I must lost all of it and it was not so good »

« But I want to eat it and how did you learned it »

« I was a huge fan of a German boys band »

« Oh no. Don’t you dare tell me-«

« Tokyo hôtel «

« Oh my god Robyn » he raised up again turned the lights on, remove the cover from my body and said

« Im sorry but you must go. This is too much for me » he said

My body twisted in the bed because of the light and the cold air.

« Flooooorian » i whined

I finally opened my eyes watching him, standing up, shirtless. I missed seeing him half naked since Tulum. As my eyes were traveling his body, he approached me dangerously and entered the bed again. Put his hand on the side of my body and let his dominated mine

« I want to hear it«

« Es ist unsere erste gemeinsame Nacht. Verschwende es nicht, indem du meine Augen mit dem Licht verletzt » (it's our first night together, don't waste it by hurting my eyes with the light)

« Woaaaaaw maaaaaan » he said laughing but amazed at the same time « your accent his an insult the the country but you really do speak German « he almost screamed

« The light Florian ! » I screamed myself

We kept talking for hours about all and nothing. I was delighted deep down because I never thought one second that it would go that way. It was 4:07am when we agreed that he was time to sleep when he started to talk again

« Robyn »

« Didn’t we just agree about sleeping ? »

« Rob, babe, listen to me »

Few seconds dropped. I was ready to try to fall asleep again when I heard him

« Robyn you know what, I quite like you, maybe we can learn about each other better during a proper date, what do you think about it ? »

Ow we were fucked.

——

Wassup guys

How do you feel about chapter four ?

We raise the temperature in the next chapter

Do not hesitate to give me feedbacks, react and all that stuff

Take care

NEXT PART

#fanfic #florian munteanu x black reader #florian munteanu #bignasty #Big Nasty #freshstart

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jessiebanethedragon · 4 years

Text

Sweet Coffee

WARNING: Content is about suicide and loss of loved ones, also swearing.

Isn't it lovely? Being here alone, in the dark? Doesn't the fresh air make you feel alive? I used to come here with you, in the middle of the winter when the owners had left to retreat to somewhere warmer. If you knew where to turn, you could find the property and the side of the hill that it sits on. If you knew where to look you could find a place that looks over the whole city.

It smells like our life together, and for a brief moment it seems so real I could look over to the driver's seat and see you. But then the wind picks up and the smell of soft sweaters, lavender and fresh herbs is taken from me. It tastes like iced coffees, the only thing worth ordering from the drive through we always hit before coming here. And the freedom it brings is so real I can reach out and touch it.

Sitting in a small car and staring into the depths of a city that didn't care about us was so satisfying. Like we could see all the lives that were milling about unknowing we watched over the tops of their heads in our secret special place. It's not the same without you.

“I don’t want to say goodbye. I want to say thank you.” Was what the letter said. “I want you all to know that without everyone in my life I would’ve been dead long before this moment.” it was as eloquently written as you were spoken. All the right words in the right places to tell us what we had to hear. And I can't help but think how bad a job I would have done if it had been me writing it. Like an automated response generator, repeating the same things I'd been told over and over.

“Call the helpline. Dial 911 if it is a life threatening emergency. Ask a trusted person to hide away your pills so you’re not tempted by them.” All the words people told us in order to make use of someone else's problem. “Don't call me. Call the authorities.” Don’t ask the doctors to find medications that help, just hide the ones that should be working so you don’t overdose before they can adjust you to the correct dosage. Yes, I do know that my final message would've been much more angry than yours.

I can't remember the exact words, I ripped the thing to shreds the second I was out of sight when we got back from the hospital. No one could know I had planned my own downfall just days before your own. The guilt I feel for being so self absorbed in my own demise that I didn't notice the signs is immense, even though you specifically said not to feel at fault. Our last night together is burned into my memory. But after all, everyone around us was taught to recognize destructive behavior, our families were trained to know when we went over the edge. You and I were never given that luxury.

“Coffee.” was all the text said at 7:34 that night. I know because I checked the time stamp, as if I could recreate every element of the last time I saw you. It wasn't a question, it never had to be. When did either of us say no to a drive around the city at night with an iced coffee and what felt like not a care in the world? If I had known what that night meant for you, maybe I would have said no. Maybe I would have taken away your ability to say goodbye to me because I wasn't extended the same courtesy.

“If you had to do it all again, would you?” you asked when we had settled into our spot. We didn't talk while driving, looking out the window was too much fun for conversation. But after we had parked on the edge of the hill on February the tenth, at what I guess was about ten to eight in the evening, the conversation started to pour out of us. Words spurting out, as emotional and as spirodic as a bullet wound.

“Probably not.” I admitted, sipping the iced coffee that was just sweet enough for such a cold night.

“I would.” you said staring at the train that was passing in the distance. “I would change everything. I’d work with every intention on changing who I've turned out to be.”Then it went quiet.

“I think i'm hardwired this way.” I whispered. “I think even if I did it all over. I’d still end up where I am.” Brown eyes met mine before turning back to the scenery. “I think whatever created me, the universe, god, whatever it was,” I paused, releasing the implication of what was saying, a breath, a beat went by before I continued. Knowing that whatever I said, you’d still be there after. “I think whatever designed my DNA chiseled in that I wasn't meant to be happy. If my life is ended ‘prematurely’.” I added bouncing finger air quotes. “It's only that way because that's what fate wanted.”

“Fuck fate then.” You replied. And we both shared a chuckle as I leaned my head on the rest behind me, closing my eyes with a smile.

“Yeah, fuck fate.”

It takes one beer to get me buzzed, it’s enough to feel calm but not enough to make me loopy, so I can keep my indulgences to myself. I like to think you’d approve, me having a beer before your funeral. It’s rebellious, and it tastes bitter with that little fizz. Just like you.

As a person who only ever wears black, I can say that the colour didn't seem comforting today. My mother squeezes my shoulder, pushing me forward into the church. It angers me, you weren't religious, you were baptized as a courtesy to your grandparents. You would not want to be buried here. If I had my way I'd take your ashes and spread them across the world. Leaving a part of you in the depths of each corner of the planet. A representation of how ingrained you were into my world. But that's selfish. And I was raised not to be selfish.

“I’m sorry for your loss.” People say as I pass them, pulling me into their arms, touching my hair, arms, face and anywhere else they think is appropriate. When in fact every touch makes me want to scream and every time someone says “I can't imagine what you’re going through.” I can't help but agree.

Everyone else fades away when I see your mother. The likeness so obvious now, it's like a punch to the gut. The times we spent together flash before my eyes, driving with the music too loud, her making us the special breakfast that's only allowed on sleepover days. And I can tell she feels the same because when our eyes meet she stops talking. I know I am the last living embodiment of her daughter, and the similarities between us are clearer now than ever.

I throw myself into her arms because she's the only one who makes me feel whole again.

“It should've been me.” I whisper to her, my head and mind buried into her shoulder, hiding my emotions. “It should've been me, I deserved it, I should have been me.” I repeat it over and over again, my mantra breathed aloud as if it's the last thing i'll ever say.

“Oh honey” she cries, brushing my hair soothingly. “It shouldn't have been either of you.”

“I-I-I” I sob out, forgetting how many people can see me meltdown “Feel, I feel, so, so, g-g-ultiy.” I feel someone's arm around me, I can tell from the smell it is my dad, he always wears the same cologne. He's gently leading me outside into the fresh air. The wind is making me chilly, enhancing the feeling of emptiness inside me.

“I found your note.” he whispers, somehow we find a bench, one that overlooks the entire cemetery. I look at him, and his eyes give away how I look. Red eyes, mascara in streams down my face, covered by foundation. I look like a doll, ceramic perfection, save for the giveaway of black streaks and puffy eyes.

“I ripped it up.” I stutter out. As if that is an excuse, what I really want to say is ‘don't be mad dad, I threw it away, so that means I’m fine now, right?’

“I know, I found the pieces. I just” he pauses, he’s always so concrete with his words. Now is no different. “I wanted to say how proud I am of you, for having the strength to do that, for sticking around.”

“I can't promise anything.” I say, my family knows all too well how often my strength fails.

“You don't need to.” He murmurs with soft eyes. “I can't explain how much I love you, and I can't explain what it's like seeing you in pain. I can see you burning up like a supernova before it collapses. And everytime you choose to stay you amaze me, and you just lost the person who was most important to you. People who have been through less have taken things much worse than you are.” He takes a breath, “I knew this guy at school, we were like 23 at the time. Partying, skipping classes, the usual. His dad passed away during the second semester. Heart attack.” I notice the tears in his eyes, welling up steadily as the memory becomes more and more clear.

“That's so sad” I say to fill the silence.

“Gets worse. My buddy, he took his own life after the event. Just couldn't cope, never got his degree, never graduated. His girlfriend was a mess for so long, his mum even more so.” he wipes away the wetness with a sniff.

“Dad, I'm so sorry.'' I say with my whole heart.

“What I mean is, you always stay because you ignore your pain for fear of hurting others. And that makes me so damn proud of you.” I lean into him for a hug, and I wonder why he's kept that story hidden for so long. I don't question it, we all have our secrets after all. But this moment, right here on an old bench with my dad. This, I will treasure.

The rest of the funeral was largely uneventful. Everyone had stories to share. Many tissues were used and even more hugs ensued. My best friend's life is recounted in the space of a few hours. Every memorable detail shared to the fullest extent, and then she is laid to rest in the ground, surrounded by people she didn't know. The only thing that isn't present is her letter. It’s mentioned, but not read. There are words and phrases that I recognize. “Don’t lose yourself to my loss” or “ I give myself to the earth, the wind and the heavens, because there is no pain in the deepest of forests and the warmest of oceans.” But at the end of the letter, the gut-wrenching final goodbye is left out. Not that it matters, no one needed to hear those words, except maybe me. On the car ride home I close my eyes and picture the papers in my head. Page after page of apologies, memories, and everything in between.

“To my best friend, sister and lifeline,” I could hear your voice as my eyes drifted across the paper. “You will feel the most guilty, I know this. But I need you to push those feelings away, there is not anything you should have or could have done. I know it is going to be hard, maybe impossible even. And I write this for you because I know as I jot down my farewell, you’re in your bed, underneath a pile of blankets whispering over and over, ‘Death is permanent, this feeling isn't.’ I know this may be a mistake, and I know you’re depressed, anxious and obsessive. But you need to stop apologizing to everyone for being that way. I mean, it's hardwired into you right? Or at least I know that's what you think. But even those who are made to be a certain way, it doesn't stop them from living the best they can. Don’t follow me, don't give up your life for one person. If you don't want to stick around for them, stick around for me. Because you’re going to have to live for two from now on. I know it’s shitty to put that burden on you, but I know you need it. Living wasn't your plan, living for two people was even supposed to happen. But fuck fate right?”

#short story #fiction story #mental ill health #mental health story #depression story #anxiety #friendship #creative writing #stories #sad story #sad stories #shortstories #writer #fiction #books #reading #mental health

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crazyrandomfucker · 4 years

Text

Marichat May Day 16: Do Not Disturb

Summary:

That awkwarndess when you catch your twin brother making out with a hot feline heroine

-------------

Marinette was completely embarrassed. When she opened the door of Marin's bedroom to tell him that dinner was ready, the last thing she had expected to see was Kitty Noire passionately kissing Marin as if they needed to completely absorve the air from the others lungs. She was so surprised that she froze there for a couple of minutes before the couple noticed herstanding on the door with a dumbstruck expression. Obviously, as soon as they registered Marinette's presence Kitty and Marin stepped back from each other and a bright red blossomed on their cheeks as they looke away, clearly very ashamed of being caught red-handedly like that. They stood there awkwardly until Marinette finally bursted into luaghs.

"Oh gods" says Marinette laughing. "Here I was going to tell you that dinner is ready but you were already eating something".

"Marinette!" exclaim embarrassed Kitty and Marin at unison.

"I'm not going to lie, when I entered and saw you two I was so confused that I froze for a moment" says Marinette. "Thought I guess your burning passion reheated me".

"Please stop it Mari" pleads Marin covering his face in utter embarrassement.

"Why? It was your fault for not saying you had a visit" says Marinette clearly amused.

"Someone kill me" says Kitty crouching.

"You could have put a sign in your door Marin" says Marinette smirking.

"It wasn't planned! Am I supposed to put a sock on my doorknob everytime she comes?" asks Marin in a high pitched voice.

"You know, that actually might be a good idea" says Marinette. "That way I won't interrupt your smooching time next time".

Kitty suddenly springs up and grabs Marinette's shoulders. "Marinette, please, don't say a word to my brother about this" pleads Kitty Noire.

"I'm not heartless Kitty" says Marinette petting Kitty's head. "I can guess how Chat would react if he knew".

"Don't tell mom or dad either" says Marin.

"Don't worry, I'll just go downstairs and tell them that you're working hard on a project" says Marinette grinning. "You can go back to being all lovey-dovey".

After she leaves, Kitty Noire and Marin look at each other. "That was so embarrassing" says Kitty.

"I just hope that she keeps quiet about this. I don't want another awkward lunch like that time my father was akumatized" says Marin.

"So... Um... About this..." says Kitty nervously. "Do you want us to be...? You know".

"Oh! I- Um..." says Marin blushing. "If- If you want to... If you're okay with me?"

"No no no, it should be the other way" says Kitty flustered. "I should be asking if you're okay with me".

"Why wouldn't I be okay with you? You're a great girl that is selfless, kind, funny and caring" says Marin. "You're simply amazing while I'm just your average Joe".

"You are not! You're attentive, sweet, compassionate, considerate, handsome and so freaking cool!" says Kitty Noire. "You're a one out of hundred guy".

"I'm not that special" says Marin blushing more".

"Look, Marin" says Kitty Noire grabbing his face. "To me you are just unique. I would want to spend the rest of my life with you if you wanted too".

"I- I would like to. Kitty Noire, I love you and I've been loving you for quite a long time now" says Marin taking her hands on his. "At first, I used to have a silly celebrity crush on you, but as the time went on and we got closer and closer, I only ended up falling in love with you to the point where I can't get you out of my head".

"Marin..." says Kitty beginning to cry. "I love you so much Marin".

"I love you too" says Marin hugging her. "And I would love to be your boyfriend".

Kitty Noire grabs Marin's shirt and looks at him with doubt on her eyes. "W-Would you mind if I kiss you?"

"I want nothing else right now" says MArin looking dearly at her.

Kitty Noire raises her head and reaches to Marin's lips, interlocking them with hers in a sweet addicting contact that lit sparks around them, carrying the passionate flavor of their love. Marin lowers his head to correspond, following Kitty's lead as they inmerse themselves into the other. Kitty grabs Marin's neck and desperatedly pushes his head against her, as if she tried to mantain Marin where she could reach him because she was afraid of letting go and losing him forever. Marin tightens his hug, getting Kitty's body closer to his, embracing her in a warm and delightful hug that melted the heart of both teenagers.

But then, Marin breaks apart from the kiss, looking startled as if he had just heard something. "What's wrong?" asks Kitty Noire.

"I think that my family is outside trying to hear what we say and spy on us" says Marin.

"I didn't knew they were so meddlesome" says Kitty.

"This is barely nothing" says Marin sighing. "I think I should put a sign after all".

"Let me just..." says Kity breaking away from their hug and picking paper and a pen, writting something. "You could put this sign".

Marin reads out loud the sign. "Do Not Disturb. Superheroine modelling for a great designer" Marin looks at her amused. "You really want me to put this?"

"Why not, there shouldn't be anything wrong with it right?" says Kitty innocently.

"If you say so" says Marin rolling his eyes as he picks some tape and sticks the sign on his door, making sure that no one was in the hallway. "Okay, we're safe for now".

"Safe? What were you planning to do to me Marin?~" teases Kitty sticking her tongue.

"Now that you mention, I'm quite hungry, so I could downstairs and have dinner instead of being here" says Marin looking at Kitty.

"Fine, I'll be a good kitten for you, but just because you're handsome" says Kitty.

"Does that means that you don't want to kiss me then?" asks Marin teasingly.

"Maybe I do, maybe I don't" says Kitty grabbing Marin's shirt and getting dangerously closer to his face.

"I think you do" says Marin smirking as he internally screams in embarrassement.

"Wouldn't you like to know baker boy" teases Kitty as she mentally dies because of the embarrassing lines she's saying non stop.

"I'll admit it's tempting to ask you" says Marin.

"But you prefer to do it regardless" says Kitty, half teasingly, half hopingly.

"Only if you let me" says Marin winking at her.

"Come here you idiot" says Kitty as she kisses Marin and they get involved in another passionate kiss.

#marichatmay2020 #miraculous ladybug #miraculous au #miraculous fanfic #Twins!Au

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futurewriter2000 · 5 years

Text

I am finally going to say it.

Lately it hasn’t been easy for me. It was never easy for me but somehow I managed to be positive about it.

Let’s start at the begining.

Year 2000 a girl was born. A girl who went home in a blue suit because everbody expected a boy. They expected my parents to have a son but guess they were all disappointed at that.

Year 2002 she found herself her first friend who became her best friend for the next 11 years of her life. That same year her father’s mother passed away and her father wasn’t the same ever again. He was attached to his mother and I believe she came second place after himself, into loving.

From all my years in Kindergarten, I hated it the most. I was shy and quiet. Kids used that against me. They bullied me and made fun of me. That’s why I kept to my corner and drew but I never thought drawing would ever get me in trouble. See, I was afraid of my father. Everytime my mother left for work, I cried. Everytime I went to kindergarted, I cried. Everytime my father came to get me, I cried becasue he smelt of alcohol and cigarates. Kids in kindergarten made fun of me. I hated kindergaten the most.

2006 another girl one month older than the first girl moved into the neighbourhood. They became close friends and she made the girls- my childhood worth remembering. But there was this one problem with me. I was overweight. You see I had lunch in school and every time I came home, my father forced me to eat. He used to shout at me for not eating the whole plate. He shouted at my older sister (by three years) whenever she couldn’t eat the whole plate and he stormed out of the kitched, smashing the chairs on the floor because two kids couldn’t eat a full plate. I couldn’t eat a full plate but I remember how terrified I was of my own father, so I forced myself to eat the full plate. As a kid I was never bothered with that but my mother kept saying to stop eating so much but my father encouraged me on. They used to fight over my weight.

My First Grade was good but for some odd reason nobody could remember my name. Of course, my name was different from any other names they’ve heard. Like Sara, Katja, Maja, Petra... normal names. Mine was odd and I have always hated it because it was odd. Who can remember and pronounce the name such as mine. So I was a fat, shy kid in Middle school. An easy target for bullies. I was terrified most of the time. Going to school and going home. My parents argued a lot. I fought with my sister a lot. It was just...more bad memories than bad...that’s why I don’t remember them much. Because I don’t want to.

2011 came and it was the most horrible year. My mother’s father was sick and it had been tough on my mother. He raised her because her mother, my grandmother, used to beat her when she was young. When my grandparents divorced, my mother and uncle stayed with my grandfather. It wasn’t easy since my grandfather had a tendency to be quite strict and old fashioned. He had a short temper and thin nerves. He terrified me but now that he’s gone, I realized I loved him. I loved the way he sat under his linden tree with his cat and that is a great memory to have. My grandfather and his Jack. Though he was very ill and his sickness took him quick but it took him in my birth month. Instead of being happy that my birthday is coming soon, I was terrified of what might happened. I only wished he wouldn’t die on my birthdays. That didn’t ease things. He died six days after my birthday. My mother was never the same.

More fights came after. I remember this one night when my dad was so drunk he- he lost control. I was in the living room with my mother and sister when he was shouting on the top of his lungs. I was petrified, along with my mom and sister. He started throwing dishes out of the dishwasher. He threw the lunch over the balcony which I had to go get the other morning. I could never look at him the same. Every night since then, whenever my father goes drinking I stay awake and wait. I am afraid, every night.

2013 came and I got sick. I had my apendix removed. I remember that day. I remember I couldn’t eat. I saw the food in school and I couldn’t eat. I came home, my tummy was hurting and I told my mom that very same day it did. She told me to go to school. (By then...for years my mom and dad haven’t been sleeping together in the same room. He kept sleeping in the living room). She was sleeping in my bed with me that day. I went to school, couldn’t eat lunch in school or lunch at home. I went to sleep but I couldn’t really fall asleep becasue it hurt. The next thing I new I went to the doctors and they diagnosed me wrong. They sent me home but it got worse. Fever was high and I was shaking. I don’t remember much but I was waiting in the hospital for 4 hours. My dad didn’t even bother to wait with me and my mom. He went drinking that very same day. I was in pain and he went drinking. That hurts me still. I had two surgeries in one whole month. The doctor said I was strong and she said I could have died perhaps if I was a day late. My mom lost it.

2015. First day of high shool. I was put in a class without any friends. All my friends were put in one class but they threw me in the other. Funny thing, the 4th year couldn’t even spell my name right. I was alone most of the time but then I became friends with the wrong crowd. They made me come out of my shell but they also corrupted me. A good girl turning bad. What a cliche. But I wasn’t bad. I was dumb and naive.

2016. Second year of high school. All my friend from first year had to repeat the first year while I went into the second one. We distanced ourselves from each other and I was again, friendless. I barely rememeber that year because most of the time I was sleeping. I slept through the whole year, crying myself to sleep each night. I wanted to kill myself, many, many times. To see how tempting it was to just...leave. But music pulled me out. And I am thankful for those artists that did pull me out.

2017 was worse despite the good summer I had. I went to my first concert, was taken to my first McDonalds and finally had a pleasure of seeing my beautiful capital city. See, in all seventeen years of my life, I haven’t seen my capital city or was even taken to the shopping center there. My father never wanted to take us. Third year was okay. See, that year I fell in love with one of my classmates. He changed during the summer and he came out of his shell as well. I still feel butterflies in my stomach whenever I think of him. He was my escape for a while.

Until 2018. That year was crucial. I remember I didn’t sign up to trip to Spain with my class but the day they had to leave, everybody was happy but me. The night before my father came drunk home. He came home drunk up his ass, thinking my mom was cheating on him with his best friend. My mom was many things but she wasn’t a cheater. She was loyal and she still is. He grabbed my mother by her neck and started squeezing. I remember I couldn’t breathe for a moment when that was happening. My sister, skinny as she was, grabbed my father from behind and pulled him away. You see, my sister was a softie but when she was upset or angry, she had this way of her adrenalin coming through her veins and suddenly she became the Hulk of her own. I remember going for my mother and comforting her, checking if she was breathing, chechink if she was okay. Of course, physically she was...mentally not so much. My dad grabbed a knife and put his hand on the table. He shouted: “IF I AM A CORRUPT MAN, THEN LET GOD HELP ME CUT MY FINGER OFF! Do you want me to cut my finger off!” And my sister, the Hulk, came rushing to pull him away. I remeber the next day I woke up. My head was heavy, my face was completely motionless. I couldn’t smile or move. I was numb but I still went to school. I remember my classmate, a girl, asking me if I was okay. After I said no, she ignored me. Different was with my other classmate, a guy. We were good friends and he kept looking at me, it was history class, and he went like. “Are you angry at me?” and surprised as I was to hear him ask that, I said no. I could never be angry with him. And he asked me. “You haven’t smiled all day. It’s weird not seeing you smile.” and I put a fake smile on, the largest my numb face could stretch and I knew he saw right through it but God knows I am convicning. “I’m fine.” I said. He did make my day better. For some odd reason I felt like he cared. My mom left August that year. She did cheat on my dad but after the strangling. I couldn’t blame her. My father is a difficult man and a bastard.

I remember my mom saying that she couldn’t come back here for what she did but she promised me that as soon as she get a big enough apartment she would take me with her. I held on to that promise but I think she didn’t.

See in June that same year I dropped out of school and I went to another school but because I knew that other school was wrong for me I came back to my old one. I remember the day my mom told my dad. I was sleeping in my mom’s previous bedroom. For that time I thought it was because she had larger bed but deep down I knew it made me feel closer to her. She was gone but this bed was closest I had of her. And he came in and started shouting and insulting me, just like he did with my mother. My sister was in Bosnia with my cousins but I couldn’t because I had school. We were alone, he was shouting and I remember his works like he spoke to me a minute ago: “You think you’re SO INTELLIGENT! Well, you’re not! You’re not! You are hundred years behind the bear and you will be nothing but a failure! You are dumb! Like your mother!” and I remember him calling me names like kucka (which means a whore) and prasica (a bitch) and govno (shit). I remember I got out of bed, put on my sweatpants that I’m wearing at the moment. I remember putting on a sweater without a bra on. I didn’t even think. I took keys and my phone, a wallet and my shoes and I was running out the door. I was running and crying in my socks. My shoes were in my hands. I didn’t even bother to put them on. I just grabbed them and left and I ran. I ran until I reached the first street lamp and I remember my whole face was wet. From sweat? Tears? Buggers? I don’t know really. I ran to my mum and I remember she was already on the phone with my dad. He was cussing her, threatning her, saying he will kill us all. I remember taking her phone and just cutting him off. I remember crying in her arms all night. It was 4am when I went to sleep. I had to get up at 6 to straight things out for my school. (7th Spetember)

I came back but I couldn’t face my father. I couldn’t and the worst part is I never forgave him for what he did. He made me an 18th birthday party but what he never knew that since my grandfather died, I hated my birthdays. It was the time my grandfather was sick and everybody was just grieving over the not dead man yet. I hated my birthdays since 2011. And I hated my 18th birtday especially. I cried that same night but I remember my crush giving me the sweetest gesture of wishing me a happy birthday. I remember as if it was yesterday. He had his birthday a day before mine. He was definetly something. And you see, everything was going okay until the fourth years, the class I was supposed to graduate with, finally had their prom. And I cried that night because I was supposed to be there. And since then everything was pretty much going straight down to hell.

It’s 2019 now and all I’ve been getting is the slap of realization. My father will never change. I live with a monster. My mother forgot on her promise. My sister doesn’t care about me. She thinks just because I don’t cry in front of everybody.Just because I am not revealing any emotions to people, because I am closed up that I don’t feel. But at one point she is right because I don’t feel anymore. There is a pit inside of me, dark, deep. And all I know is that I’m having so much pain inside of me that all I want is to die. Because I said. Death is quick and beautiful. Death is final peace. Death is sleep for eternity. And I want that. I cannot deal with life. I cannot even think anymore because reality hits when you realize you have nothing. When you realize your whole life has been nothing but pain and missery with a few good moments, there isn’t much to think about but to leave already. I was a broken condom. My mom wanted to abort me. My dad wanted to sleep with my aunt on the day I was born. I was sent to a psychologist when I was five years old because some dumb ass school teacher accused me of saying that I sucked my dad’s dick. And she showed them a picture I drew where I drew my dad with high waisted pants and a small upper body. I drew my sister and me beside him holding hands, and I remember my mom was on the other side but only because there was no space left on the paper. And the psychatric said that’s a problem. I drew a bird and they said it was a dick. Like what kind of bullshit is that. It’s a fucking bird. A cute ass bird. Life wasn’t nice to me. Ever. I don’t want it anymore. That’s the point. And people, even anonymous messeges here on Tumblr can call me grumpy and bitchy and a bad person and send me insults in other languages but you know what? I don’t care. I don’t care anymore because I am done with caring. Because my 2002 best friend is not my best friend anymore. My close friend from 2006 is a fake friend that made me 13 years to realize that. Nobody cares. Nobody should ever care for me because like they say. I am forgettable in every way. Maybe my writing isn’t amazing. It definetly isn’t the kind to remember. My face is not that special to remember. God knows I met the same guy three times and introduced myself to him three times because he couldn’t remember me. I am forgotten. I will always be forgotten. And everything I wrote here...this will be forgotten because nobody cared enough to read it till the end.

#here it is #everything #well #not everything #but a piece of it #finally written down #Foreveronmyblog

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finderskeepersff · 5 years

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35. Part 4

I am just in shock, like who the fuck does such a thing. How disgusting can you be, Sofia should have been in care I mean the fuck, Grace is a bad fucking parent “I love you” bringing Sofia’ hand up to my lips “I bled for so long, I didn’t start my period early. I was late, she said it was my period but it wasn’t. I just remember the little things now, he said to her I was better. Still, not once did she say what do you mean, she said I was the bad one when all I did was be born, I never understood why she hated me like that or saw me as competition when that was not me at all. I just wanted a mother, I was more of a mother to Leyton than she was but he turned deluded like her. Then you think why I wanted to move, I didn’t really think twice. I was happy to go, I didn’t really want to move with my friends because they had their own life. I didn’t trust any man to do this with, but with you. I was like I can trust him. When you love me, I don’t understand how. I am used, I did think you may want to make me feel ugly, you know. You never once pushed me to do anything, you was so different. You are so laid back, you let me take lead. You make me feel beautiful, you know. I have never had that, then just the love you hold for me. I don’t think I will ever want to see Samuel, he never saved me Cassius, you saved me. I think I would probably be stuck in that hole my friends wanted me out of. You don’t understand how much you have saved me from the moment you looked at me, from the time you asked me if I was ok outside your home. I am just feeling very numb, I don’t want to feel that” nodding my head, I bet she does feel that way right now “Sofia, what you have told me, it stays between us but I want you to accept that what happened to you, it was abuse and what happened to you was rape” Sofia plays around this, Sofia stared at me with her eyes filling up “you need to accept this for you and for us to move on, you’re excusing Grace. What she is to you is Grace Sofia, it was abuse and it started from a young age. This will never leave the room or even my mouth but Sofia, it’s hard to think of it. But your mother didn’t care for you, she did abuse you too” lightly touching Sofia’ cheek, a sharp sob left her lips as tears fell as she stared at me “you are stuck in this thought that your mother is good when she isn’t, come on baby” she is in denial, throughout this she has been.

Sofia stared at me, fighting back her tears “you need to open up baby, you need to do this. You have locked this up for so long and it hurts” Sofia nodded her head, she has to do this to move on because she still thinks her mom is ok and that she cares and she will care about her, I am tempted to tell her about her mom calling me but I won’t “will you think differently of me” in shaky tone she said “no, I want you to say this so you can close that chapter and you can accept what happened. Sofia, what happened to you was cruel. Even what happened to me does not touch your life. My god, someone took something away from you, your innocence was taken Sofia. Like I am so sad for you but I also want you to accept this so we can both move on together” Sofia nodded her head “this hurts” Sofia sobbed out crying, she is fighting herself so much but she is crying “I got you Sofia, it will hurt. It has to hurt for it to get better for you” hugging Sofia “I am here Sofia” it seems harsh but it will work out for her, she needs to accept in her heart and then she can maybe move on from Grace and not call her mom the way she does, Grace doesn’t deserve the love.

Watching Sofia wash her hands, she is feeling a little senstive and wants me to watch her. I even watched her pee and whatever “you know Sofia, ain’t shit changed with me. I still adore you to the moon and back, I love you Sofia. You just made me love you even more, you my queen. I got you, you got me. You tell me something I will do it” Sofia dried off her hands “really?” why she saying really like I wouldn’t “yes bub, you know that” she walked over to me “kill him for me” I had to pause right there and stare at Sofia “who?” I said in shock, blinking several times at her “you know who” Sofia is being dead ass “you know he got like five kids right?” I already know he gone but I want to know how far she would go “then his kids can feel what I feel, I want you to kill him. I want you to do it” I didn’t think I would ever hear the day Sofia telling me to do that “you’re hurt, don’t speak like that” grabbing Sofia’ hands and pulling her along out of the bathroom “he raped me Cassius” I stopped walking, she said it “look” letting her hands go, rubbing my face “there is an issue with that, trust me I would. I want too more than ever but someone did the job for me” Sofia furrowed her eyebrows “how?” I am a little shocked that Sofia really wanted me to kill but I would for her “Samuel did it” I said in a whisper “excuse me!?” Sofia spat “well what happened, he has been bugging. Since you said all of that he has been wanting to know who, what and when, so like he turned around and went to Leyton’ dad. He was talking some shit so he says, so then he said about your lips and straight away Samuel shot him. Which doesn’t bother me, it didn’t anyways but I just didn’t tell you because what is it to you. So yeah, he erm did it for me anyways” Sofia put her head down “he always said about my lips, everytime” I hate even thinking about that “I am sorry but I would do it for you, I would have killed for you, trust me baby” Sofia smiled at me lightly “I know you would have, I am so tired and drained. Can we go to sleep?” I didn’t really want to sleep but I can lay in bed I guess “come” least she can get some sleep.

Squeezing Sofia a little and pressed a kiss to the top of her head, she has her head rested on my chest, holding my body close “I love you Cassius and, I am so emotionally drained and tired. My head is hurting me, my eyes are sore. I am so thankful for my friends, imagine if they didn’t love me and also I wouldn’t be here for you. Like I am so happy we met when we did” I smiled staring up at the ceiling “yeah, I was thinking with my dick though. Like I came out of that place so fucking horny but I was so shook. Like you in that dress, it was a green dress and you had your hair up. I was like nah, Jordan that is your friend. I was so fresh out of jail and ready to beat his ass but you was there. I always wondered why you was a bottle service girl but not on my watch, you will always be treated like a queen. I want us to move on together, I want us to be happy. I want you to be ok, I know it will take a few days until things calm down and you can heal but I want to be there to heal you. I will always be here” I pray that I can be, I hope that don’t get shortend for me “you remember my dress colour and hair? Oh my god, but yeah. I was more thinking oh god, they are arguing. I could feel the tension, god you mean so much to me” I will never forget little things like that.

I managed to slip out of bed, I had to put a pillow there. She assumes someone is there but I ain’t even tired and also Kyle is coming, he has some money for me. I know it’s late night but the money arrived late so that is why, it’s amazing how much money you can make being this way in life. I wish it was a real life profession because I would be in the books “my nigga” dapping Kyle “what’s good bro? They all asleep?” closing the door behind him “yeah, it’s late. Come on now” Kyle placed the duffle bag on the floor “well it got dropped off, picked it up. Should be about two fifty” nodding my head “cool, you heard anything else about Samuel? He killing anyone else?” Kyle snorted laughing “he ain’t do anything else, just that he has been asking for you. I said look no, he called me. He said that please, I am sorry. He bugging, killing and shit” shaking my head “I know, well as long as that shit don’t fuck with my money I don’t care. Tell Ethan that Raphael needs to do a little publicity about the new club in Atlanta? Aight?” Kyle looked behind “Sofia, you good? Where was you today at the meet?” I swear I said don’t say shit, looking behind me “was busy” Sofia walked towards me “cool, I just miss Cassius so much, I had to give him a goodnight kiss” Kyle hit my shoulder, Sofia wrapped her arms around my torso “he loves me too much, speak soon ok?” I guess I better take my ass back to bed.

Closing the bedroom door “you don’t miss a thing huh? Woke up that fast” watching Sofia open the duffle bag “you can’t trick me by putting pillows there, try again” slowly walking over to Sofia “what you doing nosey?” ain’t nobody told her ass she can open anything “to look” she unzipped the duffle bag “but you ask permission for all that first” standing behind Sofia, the duffle bag is filled with money “it’s hard to comprehend that this is real, you made this?” she grabbed a few stacks out of the duffle bag “yeah, that is mine. This is from Brooklyn, you can have it, the whole duffle bag” Sofia turned to look at me frowning “I am being serious, this is for getting the home at the side of us done up. I bought it” Sofia turned her whole body to face me “what? Where was I when this happened?” I chuckled “here, so Wheezy is going to be protection, my right hand man here. The guy to watch over you when I can’t. I have to do this, I want to protect you. He will be around like Kyle and Myles, he is a good guy and you know that” now this is the Sofia I know, she wants to know “and what meeting happened?” looking at Sofia’ hands with the money still in them “Amira is being the face of the club, she is the owner” I will say it in the simple way “why can’t I do that?” I had to laugh, rubbing my face “you know why, I don’t want to be watched. You’re my wife that is why, don’t worry about it I got you. I am sure Amira will fill you in. So you want that money?” Sofia grinned holding the money up slowly over her face “can I get a new car?” snatching the money out of her hands “hell no, you drove me crazy about your car. You keep it” throwing the stack in the duffle bag “what if I wanted that whole money bag?” walking off towards the bathroom “then take it” I can just get another one.

I am happy that she is happy, I am happy she is smiling “come on, sleep” slapping her butt “I am, your mom is still awake. She just text me asking if I am ok, she said she has been worried” pulling the covers over me “yeah, she was upset. She is not bothered about knowing, she just didn’t want you sad. I am happy that you are in good spirits” watching Sofia place her phone down, turning onto my side “I want to move on, I think to know he is not here to be so smug kind of puts me at rest. I feel safe, I think I felt as if I could have lost you. I mean every man would look at me like shit but you, thank you. You made me feel secure, I think I just want to move on. You’re right, I have a lot of other people that make a family. You know” nodding my head as I propped my head up with my arm “it’s what you do Sofia, it’s natural to do this. It’s what a man would do but you still ain’t going to get a car out of me” she didn’t let me at first and kept complaining about it “I need to work on you then” Sofia said as she climbed onto the bed “Cassius Warren, thank you from me and baby Warren. We happy” I chuckled as she shuffled over to me “come on you, you need sleep” she is all smiles now, I think she was scared of how I would feel about it too but it don’t change anything.

#Chrianna #Chrianna FF #Fanfiction

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sunshine--temptress · 5 years

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Your Arms Feels Like Home - Ziam (4.1k)

Here's some 4k of Ziam fluff. I am sorry for torturing Liam so much.

°•°•°•°•°

Liam met Zayn for the first time at McDonald's, he can't remember why they started talking but he remembers the feels in his stomach when they exchanged numbers. He didn't think about this too much, he was just hungry. They never used it and Liam forgot about Zayn. He thought about texting him the first few weeks but he didn't know how to start a conversation and Zayn didn't text either. Liam forgot about him until they met again when he auditioned for The X Factor a year later. Zayn was auditioning too and Liam felt the same feeling in his stomach but it was just the stress to have to perform in from of Cheryl, she was so pretty, Liam was just nervous.

Liam auditions and it goes well he thinks, he doesn't see Zayn again until they are all on stage. They don't make it and Zayn looks devastated and Liam feels like crying and for a second he wonder if he's more sad for himself or because Zayn is crying. Liam walks briskly to Zayn and takes him in his arms and hugs him tight. Zayn hugs him back and Liam feels his warm breath hitting the side of his neck and he shivers. Zayn's tears are dampening the thin material of Liam's t-shirt but Liam couldn't care less. He don't know what it is but he just want to see Zayn smile again, he can't stand to see him like this.

They are about to leave, they promised each other to use their phone number this time and to stay in contact, when they see Simon walking toward them, looking agitated. He tells them he want to put them in a band and he lead them back inside to meet three other boys. They meet Harry, Louis and Niall. They seems nice enough but Liam stays close to Zayn. He really hit it off with Harry and Niall but he isn't too sure about Louis. Louis is loud and dramatic but he puts this aside for his dream to sing and he has Zayn with him so everything's fine.

The first few weeks at The X Factor’s house are not easy, Liam is still getting used to his new friends, his bandmates. More often than not Liam finds himself in Zayn's bed, his head pillowed on his chest. He likes to listen to Zayn's heartbeat while Zayn plays with his hair. Once Louis found them like that and he spent days teasing them. Zayn just flipped him off and he doesn't seem to care about what the others think so Liam tries to do the same and not let it get to him. He misses home a lot. He miss his mom's food and his dad and his sisters even if he finds them annoying. He never spent more than a week away from home, and when it happened he was at his grandparents house. It was different, they are family. But here he's with thirty strangers, it's weird. Zayn reminds him of home, he makes him feel safe so he tries to not think too much about what Louis said and he keeps snuggling with Zayn.

They don't win, they end up in 3rd position but Simon signs them to Syco and Liam has absolutely no idea his life is about to change forever. Their parents wait for the, to bring them back home for a few weeks. Liam hugs Zayn, his nose pressed against his neck. Liam takes a deep breath. Zayn smells very good and for a split second he is tempted to press his lips to the soft skin. He doesn't want to let go, he knows he's gonna miss Zayn. They pull apart when Liam feels his dad's hand on his shoulder. They keep their forehead pressed together for a few more second.

“I'll text you,” says Zayn and Liam smiles.

Liam feels weird, he thinks he's probably hungry and they went through a lot of emotions today. They've been driving for about thirty minutes when Liam feels his phone vibrate in his pocket. It's Zayn telling Liam he already miss him. Nicola is poking him in the ribs asking him who's making him smile like that, she keeps bothering him until Karen tells her to stop it, Liam obviously don't want to talk about it. Liam's never been more grateful for his mom than at this moment. For some reason he don't want to talk about Zayn to his family, he wants to keep him all to himself. He doesn't understand why but he pushes the thoughts away and they text until Liam goes to bed. It's like that until they are set to go back to London. Liam can't believe this, they will really record an album, people will hear them sing, they might even play show and maybe tour if people like them. It's extremely exciting and nerve wracking but Liam knows Zayn will be by his side. He can't wait to see Zayn again. He can't wait to see the other boys too but Zayn more.

Liam was right, his life change. Everything happens so fast. They release their first single and suddenly everybody knows who they are. They are invited on tv and radio shows. Their album goes number one and then next year comes and they record another album and they go on tour and suddenly two years has passed and Liam barely remembers them. He and Zayn are still as close as ever. This is probably the only thing that haven't changed since this adventure started. Zayn is always there next to him, holding his hand when he gets too nervous or cuddling with him when he misses home. Liam knows he can count on him and Zayn knows it too, this isn't one sided. Liam is always there when Zayn feels sad or if he doesn't feel like going out with the other boys. Liam will always gladly stay with him in the bus or in their hotel room.

One thing changes, one thing that still confuses Liam. He often think about kissing Zayn. When they are laying down in one of their tiny bunks, Liam's eyes are often drawn to Zayn's lips. He hopes Zayn haven't noticed but if he did he's been nice enough to not mention it. Liam isn't sure what it means. He never had these kind of thoughts about another boy. He likes girls. He's had a crush on Cheryl for the longest time but he realise this isn't her he's thinking about when he jerks off in the shower. Slowly his thoughts went from long curly hair to short black hair. Everytime, Liam shake his head to think about something else but he always come with a sigh and Zayn's name on his lips. It's nothing, they are close, they are best mates, it doesn't mean anything he tells himself.

Tonight Niall, Harry and Louis wants to go out but Liam isn't in the mood. It's a rare hotel night and Liam would like to actually have one real night of sleep in a bed that doesn't move. The boys leave him alone, wishing him goodnight. Liam wonders for a second where is Zayn. He probably went out with them. It would be selfish of him to want Zayn to be with him, thinks Liam. He spends most of his time with him but a small part of him wish he was here to play video games. Liam starts a game of Super Mario bros, he's feeling nostalgic, when he hears a soft knock on the door. Slowly he puts the controller on the floor and gets up. Liam isn't sure if he should open the door, he hasn't ordered room service and the boys all left about thirty minutes ago. No one should be knocking on his hotel room door. He's pretty sure it can't be a fan since the hotel takes their security very seriously. The person behind the door knocks again.

“Who's there?” Liam calls through the door, he feels very silly, like he's in a bad horror movie.

“Zayn, now will you open the bloody door.”

Liam let out a sigh of relief and let Zayn in.

“What took you so long? And ‘who's there?’, really?” laugh Zayn.

“Oh shut up, I thought you had left with the others.”

“Didn't felt like it, prefered to stay with you and play video games.”

“How did you know I didn't go out?”

“Louis texted me to say you stayed here too.”

Liam nods and Zayn smiles, he follows Liam further inside the hotel room and sits next to Liam as he take back his spot on the floor. Liam takes his controller and hands another one to Zayn. Their fingers brush and Liam tries to not let it show on his face how much it affects him. Zayn's side is plastered to Liam and Liam takes a deep breath to try to stay concentrated on the game in front of him. Liam feels ridiculous to be so affected by Zayn's closeness, they slept in the same bed many times, they always cuddle but somehow this feels different. After a while Liam realise Zayn scooted even closer. His heart is in his throat beating so fast he's not sure he's not having a heart attack.

They play for a while, mostly in silence. When Liam beats Zayn, finally, he can't stop laughing and chanting “I won! I won! I won!”.

Zayn laugh and drops his controller on the floor and before Liam realise what's going on, he's laying on the carpeted floor. Zayn is straddling him and his hands are tickling his sides. Liam can't breathe and he's not sure if it's because Zayn is sitting on him or because he's being tickled. He tries to bat Zayn's hands away but Zayn doesn't stop.

“Please stop,” laughs Liam, “stop I'm gonna piss my pants.”

Zayn chuckles and finally stops but he stays on Liam, putting his hands on each sides of Liam's head. He leans down and Liam is suddenly aware of how close their faces are. His throat and lips feels dry and he nervously lick his lips, not missing the way Zayn's eyes tracks the movement. Liam doesn't understand what is happening but Zayn's face gets even closer and his warm breath his hitting Liam's lips. Or maybe he understand perfectly because he may or may not have fantasized about this happening not that he would ever admit it. They're best mates and best mates don't fantasize about each others. But this isn't a dream or something made up in his head right now. Zayn is right there on top of him, his nose is bumping against Liam's but he's frozen in place. Half of his brain is screaming at him to kiss Zayn and the other rational part of his brain is scared. Zayn is probably just taking the piss and if Liam kisses him he will probably laugh at him and tell the other boys and…

“C'mon then, c'mon,” says Zayn and Liam is pretty sure his brain just short circuited. Zayn can't be asking what Liam think he's asking. Liam licks his lips again and Zayn does the same and before Liam has time to react, Zayn is pressing his lips against his. It's soft and warm and wet and not that different from kissing a girl except girls don't have stubble that scratch you face. Zayn starts to pull away and Liam realises he didn't kissed him back. Before Zayn can go too far Liam grabs Zayn by the back of his neck and kisses him. It stays chaste for a while, Liam is happy with this, until he feels Zayn's tongue against his lips. Asking permission. Liam timidly opens his mouth and let Zayn’s tongue invade his mouth. Zayn is still sitting on him and Liam has his hands on his hips, his thumbs tracing circles on Zayn's warm skin. Zayn sigh against his mouth and everything is perfect. They kiss until their lips are numb and Liam is disappointed when Zayn breaks the kiss. He keeps his eyes closed but he feel Zayn putting his forehead against his. They stay like that, in complete silence for a while, trying to catch their breath. Liam want to say something but he doesn't want to break the silence. He doesn't even know what he would say. He doesn't know anything and he never felt more confused. He feels Zayn moving until his lips are grazing Liam's earlobe.

“I think I'm the one who won,” Zayn whispers hotly against his ear, sending a shiver down Liam's spine. Zayn takes back his spot on the floor next to Liam.

“Wanna play another game?”

Liam nods and accept the controller Zayn is offering him.

They don't talk about it. Liam's not mad about it, he doesn't know what he would say if Zayn brought it up. But nothing change between them and Liam is grateful, they still play video games and cuddle and stay up late at night, squished in one of their tiny bunks, talking until they can't keep their eyes open. The only difference is now Liam knows how Zayn's lips feels against his, how soft and warm they are and how he wants to kiss him again. Liam keeps telling himself it's normal, mates kiss, and him and Zayn are best mates. Liam also starts to dream about Zayn and he wakes up hard and comes with Zayn's name on his lips. It's not weird or anything he keeps telling himself but he knows it's not normal and he needs to do something about this, whatever this is.

Liam walks into the lounge at the front of the bus, Louis is sitting on the floor, his knees up to his chest and he's typing something on his phone. He's the only one in the bus and Liam sit next to him and let his head falls on Louis’ shoulder without saying a word. Him and Louis grew closer after a few years of always being in each other's pocket. Or well, Louis didn't really gave him a choice and he kept hugging him and trying to include him in all his prank. Liam is glad he gave him a chance because Louis is the best friend he could ask for. It's not like with Zayn, there is only one Zayn and Liam knows he will never have this with anyone else. Zayn is is soulmate or something. But Louis is a good friend and Liam knows he can always count on him.

“Oi,” says Louis when he finally lift his eyes from his phone, “you okay Li?”

“Have you ever kissed Harry?” Liam asks softly.

“What the fuck are you on mate?! No I never kissed Harry. You really need to logged off from Twitter,” reply Louis and Liam laugh.

“T'was just a question.”

“A weird one yes. Why d'you wanna know that?”

“Zayn, he well, I, no, no we, we kissed”

“What? When?” Louis asks excitedly.

“Last week, when you went out and we stayed at the hotel.”

“I can't believe he finally did it, but I still don't see what's the link between you and Zayn kissing and me and Harry kissing,” asks Louis at the same moment Harry walks into the bus.

“We never kissed,” says Harry looking at Louis like he lost his mind and he continue to walk towards the bunks area.

“You'd be lucky to kiss me Hazza,” shouts Louis and laugh when Harry shouts back “Yeah keep telling yourself that Tommo, keep dreaming.”

Liam laughs too, his friends are ridiculous.

“Can you tell me the link now, because I’m confused.”

Liam tells him everything, from the start, from the first time he laid his eyes on Zayn and how he felt to how he felt when they kissed and about his dreams even if it's a bit embarrassing. Louis doesn't interrupt him, he lets him talk and talk and talk. He also doesn't judge and Liam is grateful for that because it's the last thing he needs.

“I'm so confused Lou, I've never felt like that before not even for my ex girlfriends.”

“Let's start with you might not be as straight as you thought you were.”

“But I'm not gay, I still find girls pretty,” whines Liam and Louis rolled his eyes.

“And the thought of being bisexual never crossed your mind?”

“Maybe, but it's scary Lou, what do I do with all these feels?”

“Tell Zayn how you feel could be a good start, if you are ready.”

“I can't do that, I don't even know if he likes boys.”

Louis smacks him on the back of his head.

“OUCH! What was that for?” exclaims Liam, rubbing the back of his head with his hand.

“He kissed you dumbass, what do you think? Also, you don't see the way he looks at you when you're not looking. He looks at you like you hung the moon Li.”

Liam groans and closes his eyes. Why is everything confusing. He hates feeling like this. Why can't love be easy? Wait love? Oh!

“Lou, I think I love him.”

“No shit?!”

“Oh fuck off ok! An hour ago I was thinking maybe he was just being overly friendly.”

“You’re so dense sometimes. Okay, do you trust me?”

It's a trick question and Liam knows he should say no but he nods anyway.

Louis’ plan is stupid, it's never going to work and sphe should never have agreed to it. It's not gonna work. Zayn doesn't have feelings for him there is no way he will be jealous. Liam will only make a fool of himself and maybe ruin his friendship with Zayn. Oh my god this is dumb, Liam needs to find Louis to tell him the plan is not working. Liam is pacing the floor of the changing room when Zayn walks in.

“Hey babe, you okay? You look stressed,” say Zayn, opening his arms to hug Liam as he gets closer. Automatically Liam wraps his arms around Zayn's smaller frame and press his nose against Zayn's neck. Immediately he feels better and forget about Louis’ dumb plan. He takes deep breath while Zayn rub circles on his back. It feels great and Liam tighten his arms around Zayn. If Louis’ plan doesn't work it could be the last time he gets to do this and he's so scared of losing Zayn, his Zayn.

“I don't wanna lose you,” Liam says, letting his lips brushing against Zayn's skin.

Zayn pulls back and takes Liam's face between his hands and looks at him in the eyes before pressing their foreheads together.

“You're never going to lose me babe, I don't know what is going on but you will never ever lose me. You understand that?”

Liam nods and Zayn smiles.

“I love you Liam, okay I love you.”

Liam's heart his in beating so fast he feels dizzy. He takes a deep breath and closes his eyes for a second.

“I love you too,” he replies and Zayn gives him a quick peck on the lips.

“Then we are on the same page, now time to get ready. Show starts soon.” With that Zayn is out the door before Liam has time to say anything else.

Maybe Louis’ plan isn't so stupid after all or maybe he doesn't need it. He looks at his watch and he doesn't have time to fo find Louis to tell him.

The show is going well, the crowd is amazing but Liam is nervous. He knows Zayn said he would never lose him but he still feel anxious about Louis’ plan about making Zayn jealous. This was his genius plan, to flirt with Liam all night. To touch him more than usual to make Zayn feel jealous to get a reaction out of him. Liam still don't know why he agreed to this. Probably because he was desperate. He doesn't feel so desperate now but he let Louis do it anyway, he knows that trying to stop him wouldn't work now and no matter what Liam says, Louis would just think he’s chickening out. He lets Louis run his fingers on his forearm or brush his lips against his ear when he talks to him. According to Louis, Zayn hasn't stop looking at Louis like he wanna murder him but Liam hasn't noticed. It's not until near the end of the show that he sees what Louis meant. Louis is on his right side and Zayn on his left. Zayn is looking at Louis with dagger in his eyes, Louis has a small smirk on his face as they both circle around Liam. Liam never saw his expression on Zayn's face before and he really hope he will never be on the receiving end of it. Louis seems unfazed and he squeeze Liam's shoulder before he runs toward Niall to poke him in the ribs.

The show ends and Zayn is the first out. When Liam finally reach the changing room Liam can’t stop smiling but Zayn isn't there. He showers quickly and Zayn is still nowhere to be found. He finally ask Paul who tell him Zayn felt knackered and he's already back to the bus. Liam suddenly feels anxious, like Louis’ plan backfired on him. He grabs his stuff and runs to the bus. He needs to talk to Zayn. He drops his stuff on the table in the lounge and calls Zayn's name but he gets no response. He gets closer to the bunks and calls Zayn's name again. Nothing. Liam feels his stomach twist in a knot and his eyes filled with tears. He wanna be mad at Louis but he knows he only have himself to be mad at. Louis only wanted to be a good mate and help.

Liam lay down in his bunk and closes his eyes. He want to sleep and forget about all of this and hopefully tomorrow morning everything will be back to normal. He hears Louis, Niall and Harry come back to the bus, trying but failing at not making too much noises. He doesn't care. He keeps his eyes closed and try to sleep. He doesn't know for how long he tries but it's not working.

“Li?” he hears Zayn whisper and a part of him wants to ignore him but he can't, “Li, are you sleeping?”

“No.”

Zayn pushes the curtain open but he stays in the aisle between the bunks, shuffling from foot to foot.

“Can I?”

It's weird, he never asked before he always just climbed in and wrapped his arms around Liam.

“Of course you can.��

Zayn climbs on the small bed but he stays on his back, his hands crossed on his abdomen.

“I'm sorry.”

“For what?”

“I acted like an ass, I uh, I heard you cry.”

Liam doesn't say anything, he just keeps looking at Zayn in the dark.

“This is all Louis’ fault,” they both say at the same time.

“What do you mean?” question Zayn.

Liam sigh. That’s it, that's the moment. He will tell Zayn how he feels and Zayn will tell him he loves him but just as a friend and he will get his heart broken but he's ready.

“Louis convinced me to let him flirt with menso you would get jealous because he got this idea that you have feelings for me, I mean like the one I have for you and that it would make you confess them. Sorry is this is weird and I knew this was a bad idea. Louis's an idiot and I should never have agreed to this.”

“Wait what? No, Louis told me he would flirt with you and to act overly jealous so you would confess your feelings for me. But I ended up hurting you and I am sorry. It's the last thing I wanted.”

“How did Louis...I'm confused.”

“I went to him for advices about my feelings for you after we kissed.”

Liam couldn't believe this and started to laugh. He would need to find a way to get back at Louis and he was sure Zayn would gladly help him.

“I did the same. God, we should just have talked together.”

“Yeah but in the end it worked.”

Zayn turns on his side to look at Liam and Liam immediately wrapped his arms around Zayn.

“Can I kiss you? Been dying to do it again for two weeks now,” admits Liam.

“You never have to ask, I love you Liam.”

“I love you too, Zayn,” Liam says before closing the gap between their mouths.

#ziam #ziam mayne #ziam fic #zayn malik #liam payne #my writing #claudia shut up

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devil-writing · 5 years

Text

Stozier fic

"But why?" Richie asks with his baby voice to Stan. Making him roll his eyes for the millionth time.

"Richie stop being such an infant and help me", it was one of those afternoons where Richie was absolutely unbearable. They had to repair a tiny motor for their project, and even though Richie knew how to repair it in less than an hour he was letting Stan do all the job.

It was hot in Derry, Stan had to put a headband so his long curls wouldn't touch his sweaty forehead. Richie was sweaty too, but he didn't make "such a fuss about it" as he liked to tease Stan for.

"Come on Rich, please, I know you can fix this awfully fast and we can both get the A we deserve" Stan said, while holding the wrong screwdriver.

His friend was lying on the floor right beneath the ceiling fan. He lifted his head up and raised one eyebrow. Richie was not on the mood to work, but he was tempted to get an A on this work. His hawaiian shirt had sweat all over but he still made Stan a little flustered. He surprised himself looking too focused at Richie, and once again he was lucky Richie didn't notice.

"I think I will help you Stan... Seems cool getting an A so easily". He answered, after a lot of thinking.

"Well yeah, we are partners in this project after all, but thanks" he said, going back to his usual tone "...I don't know what I would've done if you refused" he added as a whisper, so low only he could hear it.

Richie got up and drank what was left of his Coca Cola, a boy needed his sugar. Once he was beside Stan, he was no longer all that sweaty. He pushed Stan aside and put his glasses on, the tiny motor was easy peasy compared with the ones he helped his dad repair.

Stan walked to where Richie laid, he sat down and stared at Richie while he worked, how can a boy be so stupid yet so intelligent? Mysteries of life. Stan only stared at Richie beacuse he made him wonder about human behaviour. Or that is what he convinced himself about. Stan usually remembered many details about his friends, it was like data. He loved science. But he had this tiny obsession with Richie, unexplainable to him and rather confusing at times.

Richie looked back at Stan, noticing he was frowning. "Weird" he thought, and continued repairing the toy motor. For a moment, he lifted his head and looked around. It hit him that Stan's garage was basically foreign land. At least for him. It had mostly his dad's stuff. The shelfs had old and probably broken artifacts. They had a pinning wall where they kept the tools that could hang there. The garage door was open so he could see the sunset was starting. The flourescent started to flicker and Richie had to turn it off. The sound of it was starting to get annyoing. As he turned around Richie suddenly stopped, he snorted loudly. He had spotted a photo of tiny Stan in a bathtub, he looked so cute back then. Well, to be fair, he still looks cute.

“Stan what a cutie” said Richie, referring to the bathtub photo.

Stan’s cheeks turned pink. His mind was going wild. Was he saying this out of the blue? Did he miss signs that Richie corresponded him?

Richie on the other hand, left the tools and the tiny motor to grab the photo. When Stan turned around, still with reddish cheeks and glittering eyes, he realized what Richie was talking about. He was still red, but now for a different reason.

He stood up and snatched the photo out of Richie's hands.

"Jeez, my dad is so cheesy at times" he said, looking for a place to throw the photo.

"I still think it was cute" Richie replied.

Above Stan's head a lightbulb turned on, and really brightly. His hands turned to fists for he was so nervous about what he was about to do. It was his chance. "Now or never Stan" he thought.

"I was or still am cute?" he inquired.

"I could say you still are cute, but I rather call you sexy" he answered, with a wink.

Stan wasn't prepared for that answer, he was never prepared for anything in the first place. His chest was hurting because of his heart, it was pounding very hard. His eyes were wide open. The world stopped for him. Was this real?

Richie was smiling and trying not to laugh at Stan's shocked reaction. Then he left the nerd shocked and continued working with a grin. Huh, who knew Stan felt that way? He wasn't sure why he played along with him. But it felt right. His friend was indeed cute, so it was fine.

Richie was giving the motor the final touches when Stan awakened from his trance. His mind flew and he was thinking about everything and nothing at the same time. If he made another step foward, his relationship with the whole Losers could change. However, he wanted his realtionship with Richie to change, and he wanted it so badly he was willing to risk everything he had. Even if a part of him was still unsure to do it, he had to try. He didn't want to stay all his life wondering.

Richie finished the motor. As he placed the motor inside a box to carry it he let out a loud sigh. He was tired, and it was already getting late for him to ride home. He thought of asking Stan if he could stay over... However, he wasn't sure it will be a very good idea. He still didn't now were they stood.

"Richie I have to talk to you." Stan blurted, he fixed with Richie. And Stan's heart was pounding, his face was boiling, and the sun was about to set. The golden hour made everything more fantastical. "Look, I don't know since when or how it happened but I feel strongly about you. Everytime we're at school I look around and hope to see you. When we are joking or fooling around there are times I just want to kiss you, hug you or tell you how amazing I think you are. You make me laugh and always make sure I don't go to sleep mad at all the Losers for being... Well, the Losers."

Richie gazed at him. He knew Stan wasn't good with the whole emotions-and-feelings issue. Nevertheless, this confession was warming Richie. Each word was honey for his ears and he didn't know why. He wasn't aware he could feel like that for Stan.

"I..." Richie started, but he couldn't find the right words. It was already dark, so he turned on a flashlight that was near him. "I don't know, but I just feel this is right. And I don't know what I mean by this."

Stan didn't know what to answer or what to feel about that. Should he be happy? Should he be angry? Sad? All he knew is that he wanted to kiss Richie, so badly. The silence felt akward, he didn't want it to be akward. He gathered all the courage left in his soul and began walking towards Richie. Richie stood there facing him and Stan walked closer, and closer until he felt his breath. None of them moved, or talked. Both of them were hot, and nervous. But both of them knew they needed the other's touch.

Finally Richie talked; "Stan..."

But Stan shushed him, and lifted his head, looking directly at Richie. Richie now grabbed Stans head, pulling him closer. Their noses almost touched. Richie sighed and Stan gave him a quick, soft kiss. Richie now didn't hesitate and went in for a more long, lusting kiss.

Stan hugged Richie and pulled him closer, as they continued kissing. You couldn't determine were one ended and the other started. They needed each other, they wanted each other. The kiss grew more and more passionate and when they finally stopped they were still one inch apart. They breathed heavily. Stan's cheeks were red and Richie was clearly aroused.

"I wasn't gonna ask if I could stay over 'cause I didn't want to make you uncomfortable... But now..." said Richie with a husky voice.

"Why don't you stay over Richie?" Asked Stan, playfully while still embracing him.

"Sure, thanks for inviting me."

He kissed Stan one more time, but now it was soft again, in a more loving way.

They went inside, kind of sweaty and still very hot. And they went up the stairs, ignoring the embarrasing pictures hanged in the walls and paying no attention to the smell of pie that came from the kitchen. Once they were in Stan's room, they sat on the bed. Aware of their surroundings, Richie noticed every detail he didn't care about before. Like the ukelele that was badly hidden behind his collection of National Geographic books. Or the sketching book, opened on a doodle of what looked like him. Richie was noticing everything he didn't before and Stan was just looking at his shoes. And when Richie grabbed his hand, Stan swore, he felt like a sunny day on a meadow filled with aromatic flowers and a cooling breeze that made them dance.

"I want to stay like this forever."

"I don't see why we couldn't." He replied. "Let's not think about that stuff right now, let's just... Enjoy our little forever before we have to worry about any other..." and he was interrupted because Stan kissed him. Even his curls seemed to be in sintony with his feelings.

"Yeah, let's do that."

#my writing #stozier #fic #it #richie tozier #stan uris #losers #gay #my fanfic

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shikastemari · 6 years

Text

control - b&s.

pairing: boruto uzumaki x sarada uchiha

request:

word count: 1,918

when it happens: a few months after kawaki apparition

warnings: mentions of blood

a/n: not sure if that was what you were looking for when you requested it, but i kinda liked how it turned out. i just didn’t think about any good roast phrases, and that kinda turned me down, hope you like it though.

MASTERLIST

"Do you think Nanadaime will be mad if I kill them both?" Sarada whispered to Boruto.

A small smile played on his lips, as he arched his brows as if asking her 'so now it is not funny anymore'. The way Sarada rolled her eyes made pretty clear she got the message, which cause his smile to grow bigger. Kawaki and Sumire had been talking shit about them since the minute they left the farm outside the Village they had just helped. Apparently, his father trusted him enough - along with Sarada - to keep an eye on the new guy, and earning his trust.

However, Boruto hadn't done such thing so far. Kawaki was incredibly hard to be friends with. Not that he actually tried that hard to make something happen, he just couldn't stand the freeloader inside his house, getting his dad attention. Boruto fought so hard to finally be recognized by Naruto, so one guy out of nowhere, with a power similar to his, could steal the Hokage's focus all over again.

Sumire went along, because according to his old man, she had been down this road before - and by this road, he meant she tried to tear Konoha apart -, so she could help him to finally see things ahead, like an example. Deep down, Boruto was feeling like he and Sarada were kind of a rehabilitation center for kids who had cracks of wickedness on their past.

It wasn't a shock, neither for Sarada or Boruto, that Sumire and Kawaki got along right away. Their abilities fit together quite well, and their team work was incredible, especially for Kawaki. Boruto hadn't seen the guy being so useful until that particular moment. The thought of Sumire maybe summoning Kawaki crossed his mind, but he didn't verbalize it. Even when Kawaki and Sumire discovered that they could bond over talking shit about Boruto. He did think it was a bit outrageous Sumire had so much to speak about him, particularly because it was mostly bad things he had done during all the years studying together. In the beginning, even Sarada was on board on roasting him, apparently, but once Sumire brought her name to the road, the raven girl stopped enjoying it.

The current topic was his family, the looks one already dead-beat. The most fun part was how mad Kawaki would get when Boruto didn't even glare at his direction, completely ignoring every word he would say. Sumire's words apparently had no effect on the blond guy either, but Sarada had a behavior completely different from his. Everytime the purple haired girl said something about her or her family, Sarada would snap and Boruto had to keep her from ripping someone's head.

"It's only more thirty minutes, and we will finally arrive in Konoha," Boruto muttered the last time she almost used her kunai to rip one of Sumire's eyes. "Hang in there."

His voice was soft and calm, not mirroring at all Sarada's feelings at that particular moment. Sumire had just spoken something about her father, and she could still feel her blood boiling inside her veins, her sharingan ready to be used. The only thing that was keeping her on her place was Boruto's gentle glances and supportive smiles.

"Do you realize they are bonding over bitching about us?" Sarada questioned, amazed by his posture. "How can you not punch them for the things they are saying about your dad? Your mom?"

Boruto glanced over his shoulder, where Kawaki was telling Sumire how he didn't understand how Boruto could be Naruto's son, since he was such a loser and the Hokage was so strong, the girl was covering her mouth to repress a laugh. Boruto just shook his head, tired.

"Easy." His eyes darted from the couple walking behind them to Sarada's face. "I don't get mad because I know it is not true. My mom is strong, my dad, along with yours, is one of the best shinobi alive. The guy is a legend, so as master Sasuke and they are not here, so their words can't hurt any of them. I would act different for sure if he was saying that to my mother's face, but honestly, I don't understand how their non sense talk can crawl under your skin like it had been doing so far," Boruto smiled, as he noticed a pink hue appearing on her cheeks. "I thought after living with me for that long, you would be almost immune to bullshit."

Sarada bit the inside corner of her cheek, as acknowledging his words. He was right. The things those two were saying shouldn't affect her that much, especially because she was completely aware of her parents strength. All memories of her pinkette mom and her dark father protecting her came to her mind, and she was filled with a feeling that she knew way too well. She was proud.

Satisfied, Sarada pushed Boruto lightly with her shoulder, as they continued their path to their homes. A grin lit up his face, as he felt her more at ease.

"I miss Mitsuki," she blurted out. "Somehow I think he would make the whole situation easier to bear."

"Konohamaru-nii-san too," Boruto completed, knowing exactly what she was talking about.

The sun had passed overhead and was descending behind the tall trees to the west. The air sweated with August heat, but an occasional warm breeze was funneled between the bushes, picking up whirlwinds with mixed flowers scent.

"Oi, Boruto," Kawaki shouted from the back after a while. Boruto just kept walking besides Sarada. As tempted as she was to play the mature one in this convo, she couldn't avoid turning her head to stare at the guy behind her. Sadly, Boruto's lack of interested of whatever Kawaki had to say wasn't enough to keep him from actually saying it. "I bet your little sister is stronger than you, if she had inherited your dad's strength, because if it she got from your mother..."

His phrases died once he realized Boruto had stopped, so as Sarada. The girl scanned her teammate. Boruto's fingers curled tightly, pressed against the rough flesh on his hands. Boruto could to see clearly Kawaki's neck snapping in his mind and it felt good. He could feel his fist smashing into his nose, splattering red blood on the trees. What an improvement that would be. Instead, he just replied as if his jaw were wired shut, forcing a sardonic smile.

"Don't worry about that, Kawaki," Boruto winked at him. "I am pretty sure my sister is the only person alive who could beat the crap out of your precious and strong Hokage. She is stronger than me, and believe me, she is way better than you, freeloader," Boruto shrugged and kept his pace.

Sarada bit her lower lip, to contain the huge smile which was desperately to spread across her face after seeing Kawaki's shocked face. The girl took the opportunity to glance daggers at Sumire, but she wasn't staring back at her. Her eyes were locked on Boruto's back, with such admiration, making it hard to Sarada swallow. Sumire liked Boruto as much as Sarada did, and she hated it.

"Well, Sarada," Kawaki continued talking until he finally reached her. "Now I think you are the one stupid here, I don't understand how you can stand that brat-"

That was the exactly moment Kawaki flew meters away from where he was originally standing.

Boruto's arm was stretched out, white knucles from clenching his fingers too hard and gritted teeth from effort to remain in silent, a drop of Kawaki's blood painting his fingers. His rage came out faster than magma and just as destructive. It consumed him, but he couldn't stop himself. Not after seeing the hurt on Sarada's face. Not after seeing the girl he loved being hurt by some jackass who wanted to hurt him.

Kawaki was on the ground, his right hand holding his jaw, as his eyes widened.

"I will endure you talking about my looks, about my father, my mother." Every word stung only fueling the fire that burned inside of him. Every violated phrase was like gasoline to it, his fists began to clench again and his jaw rooted. "I will even take a deep breath when my sister's name come out of your filthy mouth, because she is way better than this whole situation." Burning rage hissed through his body like deathly poison, screeching a demanded release in the form of wanted violence. "But don't you dare, Kawaki, say anything about Sarada in front of me, because if you do, the next time I won't break your jaw. I will break every fucking bone in your body. Did you understand?"

Words left Sarada. She stared into those bright blue eyes burning with anger and her heart fell silent. The moment Kawaki slightly nodded, Boruto turned his back on him, returning to follow his path. Her feet, as they had life on their own, followed him. She felt like she had to say something, but she couldn't will her lips to move. As if stuck underwater, everything was slow and warbled as Boruto muttered an apologize for her.

"What?" She found her voice, looking over her shoulder to see Sumire helping Kawaki to get back on his feet again. "Why are you apologizing?"

"Because I don't want you to think that I don't trust you. I don't believe you need anyone defending you, you are more than capable of doing it yourself. It was just..." He passed his hand through his face, trying to calm down.

"It's okay, Boruto," Sarada got closer to him, darting him a grin once he turned his eyes to face her. "At least, you didn't kill him."

"It did take all my strength not to." He responded, honestly, making her heart flutter. "When the stupid word reached my ears, I felt like I lost all control I had left."

"I thought you were good at this control thing." Sarada teased him, but before he could give her a smart comeback, she grabbed his hand and pressed it tightly. "Thank you, Boruto."

His cheeks burned red from her touch, and he looked away. "Yeah, whatever, that is what friends are for."

Sarada nodded but didn't let go of his hand. His burning flesh was a good contrast against her cold skin. Boruto didn't drop it either. They just kept roaming, their fingers intertwined.

From behind, Kawaki and Sumire watched the scene with a crescent curiosity. It was painful for her to see how fondly of Sarada the blond were, he even threatened someone his dad was trying to protect because of her. She couldn't compete with that. Every cell on his body belonged to her, and so as hers. They just didn't notice it yet.

But Kawaki, he was curious about their feelings. Never in his life he had someone that cared so much about him to the point to actually give someone a death sentence. Kawaki couldn't stop himself from wondering how that must feel. The overwhelming love, unbreakable trust and intense admiration. Realizing he may never have anything like it was way more painful than any punch Boruto could throw at his direction, and roasting the blond guy to the point his rage would blow up in his face wouldn't make him feel better.

Well, apparently Boruto's inner psycho threw the last punch. One much worse than the physical one.

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greetingfromthedead · 6 years

Text

AU Bucky Barnes aka The Winter Soldier – Light up the Darkness

Reader gender: neutral

Warning!: I’m a DramaQueen, so don’t expect anything less from my oneshots!

Request by @marvelanddcfanart: Can you do a Bucky X reader where reader is in her period and she cries for no reason and is mad at the tiniest insult and Bucky helps her and gets her chocolate ice cream and even tampons and all because she is the only one with Steve and Natasha he trust and because she makes him happy. And everytime someone makes her mad he's defending her and at the end he finds out he has feeling for her but he doesn't tell her, until she gets drunk and kiss him at Tony's part. Please, you're awesome! :)

Author’s note: I’m sorry, but I don’t feel comfortable with the period thing for my own personal reasons, I will use anxiety disorder instead, nothing else will really change, sorry if that is not what you hoped for.

Author’s note 2: I got really inspired for this story by the new top song My Blood.

Author’s note 3: This hits closer to home than many of you might realize and I hope it might give perspective to anyone who might need it. Also - if you find yourself in a similar situation - I will be your Bucky if you need me to, just tell me.

Bucky knocks on the door and silently awaits for the sweet voice to call him in, but he doesn’t hear anything. He knocks again, but after he doesn’t get an answer for the second time he decides to try to open the door. To Bucky’s surprise the door did open and he looked at your spacious room. The TV is turned on, but the sound is muted, your window open, your phone lays on your slightly messy bed - everything hints at you still being here. That is when Bucky starts to hear silent weeping. He walks closer and follows the sound.

Bucky finds you under your table, your knees against your chest. You hide your face in your hands. You haven’t noticed his presence.

“Y/n?” he softly asks not wanting to scare you, but he doesn’t succeed in that.

You quickly look up, your face wet with tears has a shocked expression on it. Bucky hears your breath catch in your throat.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t want to startle you. What’s wrong?” he reaches out his right hand and touches your upper arm. He is gentle, but you back yourself more into the corner to keep away. He retracts his hand and just sits down without saying anything.

You feel embarrassed and you look away. Your tears haven’t quite finished forming, but you feel more at ease than before. Bucky sits so quietly that you almost forget his presence. Once you finally dry your face and take a deep breath, you turn your head and see him looking at you with a gentle expression.

A part of you is surprised to see him like this, you almost expected him to be gloating, but you also know he would never do that.

“I’m sorry,” you say, your voice still a little unsteady.

“Don’t be, you have no reason to be sorry. What’s wrong?” he asks, his voice low and soft.

You just shake your head, you haven’t spoken to anyone about this and you don’t really want to start now, but maybe you should.

“You can tell me. Whatever it is. Did someone say anything to you? Did someone hurt you?”

You shake your head again, your vision starts to get blurry as the tears begin to form again.

“Please, let me help you. Nobody cries under their table for no reason,” He touches your hand, “You’ve done so much for me. Tell me what’s wrong.”

“Nobody hurt me. Nobody has said anything bad to me. It’s all in my head,” you say and hold onto yourself more tightly.

“Take it from someone who couldn’t trust their own mind for the best part of their life - it is better to get it out.”

You hesitate.

“I’m alone. I’m alone in a dark and empty room. There are doors everywhere, all of them lead me out, but they are all locked. I hear voices behind these doors, friends and family. They want me to let them in, they want to help, but I can’t open these doors, I can’t let them in because I don’t have the key. A figure is always watching me, I can hear its voice in my head, my voice. And it always tells me I’m not worth anything, that I am useless, I am stupid. It tells me that I have nobody, that everyone just pretends. Pretends to care for me, but behind my back they talk shit about me. It feels like every look I get, every chuckle form people passing by is because my whole existence is a joke. And I believe that voice because it’s my own. It keeps pushing me towards the only open door. A door so obvious, so inviting. It might as well have a big neon sign above it. There is nothing behind that door, it’s just a big and steep ledge and the only thing left to do is to... let go. I could leave that big empty room, death would relieve me and the voice in my head would be gone. Nothingness would be better than this, but I know the lie, I know it wouldn’t solve anything, but only cause more pain. But I can’t tell you just how tempting that open door is.”

You feel tears on your cheeks again.

“You aren’t alone. You just opened one of those doors. You let me in. I will always be there, I will always stay with you. I will bring a light and the darkness will disappear. I will kick open every door. I will kill protect you from anyone who would ever say anything bad to you. I will always stay by you, but you have to keep fighting. You stay with me.”

You look at him, unable to form any meaningful words. He takes your hand and lightly squeezes it. You slide yourself out from under your table and he takes you into a hug. You feel yourself falling apart, but you trust him to pick up the pieces and help you get yourself back together.

You walk back from the gym together with Bucky. Neither of you feel like talking today and the workout took the last pit of energy from you.

Tony comes your way and looks very cheerful despite being at the gym with you today. As he gets close to you he playfully slaps Bucky on his shoulder and stops.

“You do pack a mean punch. Glad you’re on our team,” he addresses Bucky and then turn to you, “But you, my dear, need to hit the gym more often. I can come with you if you need, put some muscle on those spaghettis of yours.”

He looks happy and playful - you know he means this as a joke, especially after you gave him quite the beating today, but you can’t help but wonder if’ your right. The voice in your head assures you he means it and Bucky can read you.

“Stark, you should apologize. (S)he is more than capable, without the suit of yours, (s)he could kick your ass any time of the day... and maybe even with your suit.”

“Relax, it was just a joke.” Tony looks confused.

“It’s fine,” you just say, “I’ll see you later.”

You feel a bit uneasy and you just walk away, the men staying behind. You find your room and take a long hot shower. You relax a little, but you can feel a presence in the back of your head, the voice just waiting to make you feel miserable.

You finally get out of the bathroom in your most comfortable clothes. You’re still trying your hair as you get out so you don’t immediately notice the man sitting on the edge of your bed.

“What are you doing here?” you gently ask Bucky.

“I thought you might want company and...” he shows you the bucket of ice cream.

You chuckle.

“You didn’t have to do this,” you say.

“I don’t mind.”

“I’m fine,” you assure him.

“I know.” he answers in a serious manner.

You sit down next to him and together you finish the whole bucket. The both of you lay on your bed, legs tangling over the edge.

“Are you going to Stark’s party tomorrow?” Bucky asks, secretly hoping you’d say yes.

“I don’t know yet. Not sure I’m up for the crowd, but the open bar might just convince me to come.”

“I’m not sure either, doesn’t matter what they say, I still have my reputation and for some I will forever just be the Winter Soldier.”

“Not to those who matter. To your friends you’re just Bucky.”

After a lot of contemplating you did decide to go to the “little get together” as Tony called it. You sit by the bar and stare at your drink. You have to admit that this sin’t the first drink of the night, but anything to silence the voice in your head.

The music is loud so you don’t hear the crowd of strangers around you. Occasionally you see familiar faces, but none that you would want to talk to tonight. There was only one face you were looking forward to and he came a couple hours later.

You walk up to him, but it is too noisy to talk here, even your drunken self knows that. You take his hand and drag him out behind you. A little shaky as you might be on your feet you find a silent corner for the two of you.

You look for the right words, but they just don’t come to you. Bucky is about to ask what’s wrong, but you grab him and pull him closer. You kiss him and you feel him kiss you back for a moment before gently pushing you away. You are embarrassed and you turn your back on him to walk away. He gently takes your hand and turns you to face him.

“I care for you, very much. And kissing you right now is tempting, but you are not yourself right now.” He says as he can smell the alcohol on you.

You still look away so you can’t see him bite his lip and then smile.

“Go to bed, doll. Sleep it off and if you still feel the urge to kiss me tomorrow morning... you are more than welcome to.”

You knock on the door and almost hope he doesn’t answer, but soon enough the familiar friendly face greets you.

“Hi...” you greet awkwardly, “Look, please tell me I didn’t dream last night. Please, tell me it actually happened.”

“It did,” he says with a slight smirk.

“I’m so sorry for that, I shouldn’t have done it and...” you finish your sentence by taking his hand and pulling him into a kiss. He wraps his arm around you and pulls you in before pushing the door shut, all that without breaking the kiss for even a second.

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