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fatecantstopme · 6 months ago

Text

All I Want Is You

Pairing: Tyler Owens x reader

Summary: Chasing tornadoes with the famous Tornado Wrangler is a dream come true, but falling in love with him wasn't exactly on your to-do list.

Warnings: Cursing, use of pet names, descriptions of tornadoes. SMUT, oral (F receiving), unprotected sex (P in V), praise kink, light choking, spanking.

You groaned softly at the sound of plastic snapping from behind you. "Boone..."

You turned to see the man in question giving you a very sheepish look. He held up the broken antenna with a wince. "Sorry, (Y/N/N)."

You exhaled heavily. "This is why we can't have nice things."

A small smile danced on your lips as you took the antenna from him. You examined the base and determined it just needed a new coupler. An easy fix.

"Dani!" you called out.

Dani popped her head out from behind the camper. "Yo!"

"Can you get me a new coupler for this antenna, please?" You held up the broken item so Dani could see which one you were referring to.

"Yeah, one sec!"

You glanced at Boone, who still had a sheepish expression on his face. You shook your head slightly as you took a step towards him. "Don't worry about it--I won't tell Tyler."

Boone smiled. "I'm way more afraid of you than I am of Tyler."

"As you should be," you teased. "Gimme a hand?"

He reached out to steady you as you pulled yourself up into the bed of the truck and climbed onto the roof. Dani came over moments later with the replacement coupler. You set to work on fixing it before Tyler came back and asked what was going on.

"Any particular reason you're on top of my truck, darlin'?"

You froze as Tyler's voice washed over you from behind. You turned to look at him, noting the amused smile on his face. "Just making a quick adjustment."

He raised his eyebrows, his disbelief evident in the action. "I made adjustments not 20 minutes ago."

"Well I'm just making sure."

"Uh-huh."

You'd finished attaching the antenna, but you made a show of checking all the other attachments on top of the truck. "Hmm...everything looks good to me."

Tyler chuckled and shook his head. "Then get down from there before you hurt yourself."

You slid down into the truck bed and jumped off the edge onto the hard ground. Tyler's hand shot out to make sure you didn't fall. You shot him a pointed glare that clearly said I don't need your help, thank you very much.

"So you gonna tell me who broke something?"

"Never."

He laughed lightly and followed you to the camper where the rest of the team had gathered.

"How's the radar looking, Dex?" Tyler asked.

"We've got a nice looking cell popping up to the East. It'll probably hit within the next hour."

"Excellent."

Everyone turned to look towards the Eastern sky. You could plainly see the dark clouds rolling across the horizon, heralding the oncoming storm.

"Thoughts, Lightning?" Tyler asked softly, the nickname rolling off his tongue with ease.

"Smells like a good one," you murmured.

The team had long ago learned to trust your instincts when it came to the weather...even if your methods weren't exactly orthodox. Tyler always said you could feel a storm in your bones, and he wasn't wrong. It was as if Mother Nature herself spoke to you.

"Who needs science when we have (Y/N)?" Boone said with a grin.

You turned and shot him a warm smile, but it quickly faded as you caught sight of four vehicles pulling into the parking lot. "Fuck," you muttered.

The rest of the team followed your gaze and muttered their own varying expletives.

"Can't we just have one storm where those assholes don't show up?" Lily grumbled.

"We'd never be so lucky," you said with a sigh.

The six of you watched as men in polo shirts piled out of the vehicles. Each and every one of them wore the logo of the business on their shirts, just as each of the vehicles did.

"Howdy, Storm PAR," Tyler said in a mocking tone.

Most of the other team ignored him, but one of the younger members gave him a friendly wave.

A soft chuckle left your lips, echoed by the other members of your team.

You opened your mouth to make a joke, but your jaw clamped shut as Scott Miller, one of the founders of Storm PAR, started walking your way.

You felt Tyler tense beside you, and you could see the others doing the same out of the corner of your eye.

"(Y/N). Owens." Scott gave the two of you appraising looks. "Surprised to see you're still chasing together."

You pushed down every annoyed response you wanted to shoot at him, instead opting for what you hoped came across as cool indifference. "Can't see why you'd be surprised."

Scott shrugged. "You and I both know you're too smart to run with this bunch of hillbillies."

"Hey!" Boone yelled. "Watch it."

Tyler stepped forward, his expression calm, but his stance was protective. "No need for the name calling, Scott. (Y/N) can chase with whomever she wants to, but you can't be mad when it's not you."

Scott's expression darkened. "She and I both know which one of us is actually successful." He started to walk away, pausing only to throw one more insult over his shoulder. "The YouTube channel sure is cute though."

Tyler bristled, but you grabbed his arm to keep him from saying anything further. "Let it go, Tyler. He's not worth it."

Tyler exhaled slowly and nodded, turning back to the rest of the team. Each of them shared the same angry expression, and it upset you that someone you used to work with dared to speak to them this way.

"I'm sorry, guys."

"Nothing to be sorry for, (Y/N)," Lily said with a smile.

"Lily's right, that dude's an ass," Boone commented.

"An ass I used to work with," you muttered.

"We all make mistakes," Dexter said with a small smile. "Besides, you're here now."

Tyler nudged you with his shoulder. "They're right darlin', and so were you. He's not worth it."

You smiled. "Alright, alright. 'Nuff of this sappy shit." Your voice was light and teasing, and it made the rest of the team smile. "We've got a storm to chase, don't we?"

"Yes ma'am," Boone said.

"You heard her. Let's get a move on," Tyler added.

**********

Thirty minutes later, you'd all piled into your respective vehicles and headed off to chase yet another storm. Radar still showed the cell to the East was looking promising and you'd confirmed it.

You could tell by Tyler's expression he was disappointed you'd chosen to ride with Lily instead of him. Boone had been more than happy to ride shotgun with Tyler and you'd muttered something about needing to drive so Lily could fly Cairo.

When you climbed into the driver's seat, Lily gave you a look. "What?"

"Why aren't you riding with Tyler?"

"Because you need a driver."

She raised an eyebrow. "And what, Boone forgot how to drive?"

You rolled your eyes. "Boone's operating a camera."

"Oh right, because we don't have cameras in every vehicle."

"Lil..."

"I know something's going on with you and Tyler. You've been acting weird all week."

You sighed. Lily was your best friend and your closest confidant. She knew very well how you felt about Tyler--and she knew exactly why you would never tell him. It wasn't that you thought he would be rude about it...you just didn't want to risk making things awkward between the two of you, or gods forbid, the rest of the team.

"Promise you won't laugh?"

"I promise I won't make fun of you, but I can make no promises regarding my laughter."

Her candor made you chuckle. It was one of the many things you loved about her. "I had a dream earlier this week...and um...well, I can't get it out of my head. Every time I see him, it just invades my damn brain."

She smirked. "What kind of dream?"

You groaned. "You know exactly what kind of dream, Lily."

"Was it..." she grinned, "...the dirty kind?"

"Lily!"

She laughed loudly. "Oh there's nothing wrong with it! We've all had a dirty dream before."

"It's a little different when it's about someone you know and see every damn day."

"Instead of being awkward about it, you could just tell him...maybe he'll make your fantasies come true."

You rolled your eyes. "Yeah, like that's gonna happen. We both know Tyler isn't into me like that."

"I most certainly do not know that, and for the record, neither do you."

"He's not."

"How do you know if you never ask him?"

"He would have said something by now, Lily."

"Oh, you mean like you have?"

You shot her a glare, but before you could respond, the radio on your dash crackled to life, Tyler's voice on the other end letting you all know Boone was starting the stream. You flicked the camera on your dash on, effectively silencing any further personal conversation.

Tyler made his traditional intro, introducing every member of the team before launching into a description of today's storm.

"Lightning, can you swing up to my left and give me your thoughts?"

Lily'd already pulled her goggles down, eyes trained on whatever Cairo was seeing up in the air. You pulled around to the left of Tyler's truck, giving yourself a good view of the approaching storm.

You breathed deeply as you took in the beautiful cloud formations before you. No matter how many storms you chased...or how many tornadoes you experienced, the beauty and power never ceased to amaze you.

"She's looking beautiful, T. Plenty of shear and that cap is definitely gonna break. I'd say take a left in a half mile and drive straight at her."

"You heard the woman. Let's ride."

The clouds were rotating more rapidly as you approached the storm. You could feel the electricity in the air--the heaviness that accompanied any supercell storm.

"Come on, baby, show us what you got," you muttered.

The rest of your team smiled at your words as they crackled through the radio.

"We've got a funnel!" Lily called. Cairo zoomed overhead, able to see the beginning of the tornado before the rest of you.

You watched in rapt awe as the funnel grew. When the tornado finally touched down, you let out a whoop of excitement. The sound was echoed by the rest of the team.

"We've got ourselves a grade A tornado here folks," Tyler said. You could hear the joy in his voice and you smiled as you pictured his excited expression. "Lightning, Dex, you guys hang back while we get a little closer."

"Copy," you responded, Dex's affirmation coming moments later.

You slowed to a stop, eyes glued to the red truck as it sped closer to the tornado. This was always the moment that had your heart clenching in your chest...this was the moment it could all go wrong.

"What are our readings, Lil?" you asked.

"Wind speeds are currently 98 miles per hour and it looks like we've got an RFD forming."

Your breathing slowed as you stared at the tornado. You could see the rain curtain forming at the southeastern edge of the tornado, confirming Lily's RFD observation. Your earlier excitement turned to dread as an overwhelming sense of wrongness came over you.

"Monitor the wind speeds, Lily. I'm not liking this one."

"You got it."

"Tyler?" you hailed him directly.

"Yeah, Lightning?"

"You're heading straight toward an RFD. You need to pull back or you're not gonna be able to see the actual tornado."

"What's the current windspeed?" he asked.

"We're up to 110," Lily replied.

"Tyler--pull back. Now," you urged. 110 mph was the top windspeed for an EF1...and that truck wasn't rated for an EF2.

"We've got hail!" Boone yelled excitedly.

"Baseballs!" Tyler hollered.

"Tyler!" you called.

"We're alright, Lightning. Don't worry," he responded.

You exhaled heavily and closed your eyes for a moment. "Windspeed, Lil?"

"120."

"Shit. Tyler it's an EF2 and you're driving right into the damn rain wall. Back off."

"Alright, we'll go around the edge--see if we can't skirt around the RFD."

You didn't like it...you never liked when visibility was so compromised. Especially when you weren't actively in the storm. You'd lost visual of the truck, but you could still clearly see the tornado and the rain wall that formed on the Southeastern edge. Your skills were of more use when you were actually in the storm...not watching from a distance.

"(Y/N), we've got a second funnel forming," Dexter called.

"Where?"

"I can see the hook on the radar. Off to the west."

"Lily, can you get me eyes?" you asked.

"On it."

While you couldn't see Cairo, you knew the drone was flying overhead, racing towards the western edge of the storm.

"Wind shear is still high," Dani commented.

You could hear the slight worry in her voice, echoing your own concerns.

"Shit," Lily muttered. "We've got an updraft and she's rotating."

"Tyler, get out of there now," you ordered. "Second tornado just touched down to the west."

"We can't see it," Tyler called out.

"Windspeed on the first tornado?" you asked.

It was Dexter who responded. "136!"

"Fuck!" That was the threshold for an EF3.

"Windspeed on the smaller twister is already 105," Lily yelled.

"Tyler!"

"I can't see the other tornado!" he yelled.

"Lily!"

"I'm trying..." she said desperately. You watched in dismay as the two tornados spun in the distance. Tyler and Boone were somewhere in the middle of it and Lily was trying to find the truck with Cairo.

"Got 'em!"

"Guide me!" Tyler yelled.

"Go in reverse," Lily insisted. "If you keep going straight, you're gonna hit the second tornado."

You could hear Tyler's cursing over the radio, followed by the revving of the truck's engine.

"Keep going!" Lily commanded.

Your anxiety was through the roof and you still couldn't see the truck you were so desperately searching for.

"Shit!!!" Lily yelled. "I lost Cairo!"

It was your turn to take over...but all you had was instinct. "Tyler! What can you see?"

"I can still only see the EF3!"

"To your right?"

"Yes!"

You gauged his likely location and sent out a silent prayer that you were right. "Go left. As fast as you can."

Tyler didn't even ask if you were sure. He trusted you with his life...and with Boone's.

"You might be sending him right into the EF2," Lily said softly.

"I know."

You could feel her concerned gaze on you, but you didn't dare take your eyes off the storms raging in front of you.

"We've got a wind shift," Dexter called. "The storm is moving Northeast."

"Tyler?"

"I heard. We're headed in the opposite direction."

You held your breath, waiting to see the red truck finally come into view.

"I see them!" Lily shouted.

You followed her line of sight and let out a long exhale. The sight of that damn truck was easily the most beautiful thing you'd ever seen.

You waited until the truck finally pulled to a stop just ahead of your truck before getting out and racing towards it.

Tyler jumped out and didn't hesitate to catch you as you jumped into his arms. He held you tightly and you finally felt the tension leave your body. Neither of you said a word as he sat you down, the emotion on both of your faces was enough to convey what you needed to.

The rest of the team had run up to the truck and everyone embraced in relief. Tyler turned back to the camera, letting everyone know the team was safe. He reminded the viewers not to try anything like this without proper training and equipment, before signing off the stream.

"I need a drink," he muttered.

"I think we all could use one," you added.

The sound of a horn honking brought your attention back to the road. A Storm PAR truck pulled up alongside you and Scott leaned out the window.

"Taking a little break?" he taunted.

"Why don't you go drive into an EF5, Scott," you snapped.

He merely laughed. "Next time, you should leave the storm chasing to the adults...and maybe stop listening to intuition instead of science."

"That intuition just saved my ass," Tyler growled.

"And mine," Boone added.

"Intuition," you said softly. "The one thing you've always wanted but will never have."

Scott glared at you. "Maybe this is the right group for you, (Y/N). You never were on my level."

"You've got that backwards, Scott. You were never on mine."

A chorus of "ooos" went up around you, sparking a smirk to cross your face.

"Screw you, (Y/L/N)."

"I'm sure you'd like to." You gave him a teasing wave as he sped off, middle finger hanging out the window.

"You handled that very well," Tyler said softly.

You smiled. "I guess I just got tired of his shit."

"Personally, I thought it was pretty hot," Boone commented.

You laughed, along with Lily and Dani, while Tyler and Dexter groaned.

"Come on kids. Let's go get a drink."

"And food?" Boone asked hopefully. "I'm starving."

"Since you just survived a very harrowing experience, I think we can manage to scrounge up some food for you," you teased.

He grinned and gave you a kiss on the cheek before climbing back into the passenger seat of Tyler's truck.

Tyler's gaze lingered on you for a moment before he went back to his truck...a gaze that didn't go unnoticed by Lily.

"I saw that," she whispered once you were both back in your truck.

"You saw what?"

"The way he looked at you."

"It's called gratitude, Lily. Nothing more."

"I love you, but you are blind as hell. You both are."

You just shook your head and started the car, trying desperately to ignore the pit in your stomach that had formed the moment you'd lost sight of Tyler's truck in the storm...

**********

The team had made it through a round of drinks and appetizers before their meals hit the table. Adrenaline did wonders for one's appetite.

You'd managed to find a large booth in the bar across the street from your motel. You sat between Boone and Tyler, and the other three sat across from you. Lily's gaze was focused very heavily on you to the point where you kicked her under the table to get her to back off.

After everyone had shoveled down their meals and gotten another round of drinks in, Dani announced she wanted to play pool. Dexter and Boone immediately offered to join her, and Lily said she'd try her hand at it before following them to the tables at the other end of the bar.

"You don't wanna play?" Tyler asked.

"I suck at pool and you know it."

He chuckled softly. "You really are terrible at it."

You shot him a glare, but his warm expression softened yours instantly. "I'm glad you're okay," you whispered.

"Thanks to you, Lightning."

"And Lily. Mostly Lily."

He shook his head. "I should have listened to you right away. I'm sorry."

"You don't have to apologize. I probably sounded overprotective."

"Your instincts are always spot on. I shouldn't have ignored them."

"It's alright, T. You and Boone are fine. That's all that matters."

He was quiet for a moment, as if contemplating his next words very carefully. "I'm glad it was Boone riding with me today. I don't know what I would have done if it had been you."

"The same thing you did today. Nothing would have changed."

Tyler gave you a long, strange look. "I would have been terrified, Lightning. Absolutely terrified."

"Why?"

"I can handle putting myself in danger or even dying, but I don't like the idea of putting any of you in that situation, you least of all. If something happened to you?" His eyes closed and he breathed deeply. "I don't know what I would do."

You grabbed his hand and squeezed it, prompting him to look you in the eyes. "I know the feeling. I was scared out of my mind today, Tyler. More afraid than I've been in a very long time."

He scanned your face as if looking for something. You couldn't tell if he found it or not, but his expression changed back to the easy cockiness you were used to. "Wanna dance, darlin'?"

You couldn't help the surprise that crossed your face at the sudden change of topic. "What?"

He just grinned at you. "Dance with me."

You nodded slowly, letting him pull you out of the booth and to the dance floor. Tyler had never asked you to dance before and to be honest, you didn't think he even liked dancing.

You, however, loved to dance. You'd danced with every other member of the team and plenty of strangers. You were never ashamed to dance alone either. Music spoke to your soul in the same way storms did, and you'd always lost yourself in both.

You were surprised by Tyler's movements as he moved to the rhythm of the upbeat song. "I didn't know you could dance," you teased.

"You never asked."

"I've danced at every bar we've ever been to," you countered. "I don't think you've ever joined in!"

"I didn't want to embarrass myself in front of an expert."

You laughed. "I'm not expert, I just love it."

He grabbed your hand and spun you around a few times before spinning you into him. "Perhaps I just like to watch you move. It's one of the few times I see you look truly free."

He spun you away from him again before you could comment. You'd never noticed him watching you dance and his admission surprised you.

The song changed to a slower, more sensual beat, and Tyler pulled you into him, back against his front. You swayed your hips to the beat, trying to steady your heartbeat as Tyler's hands rested on them.

You felt his body moving sensually against yours--the feeling more intoxicating than you'd ever imagined. You felt his lips graze your temple before spinning you around to face him.

You couldn't look up at him, eyes focusing instead on his slightly exposed chest. He moved your body slowly with his, swaying to the rhythm of the music.

"Sweetheart," he said softly. "Look at me."

It took all your willpower to look up at him without panicking. He was looking at you with an expression you'd never seen before, and it made you breathless.

His eyes swept lovingly across your face as his right hand lifted to cup your cheek. "You're so beautiful," he whispered.

You inhaled sharply, surprised as much by the tenderness in his voice as the words. "Ty..."

"Can I kiss you?" he murmured, his voice little more than a plea.

You didn't trust your voice, so you simply nodded.

He lowered his mouth to yours, pressing his lips against yours with a gentleness you didn't expect. It was a soft kiss at first, but as you responded to it, he nipped at your bottom lip, tongue pressing firmly against your lips, begging for entry. You parted your lips, allowing him to deepen the kiss as he explored your mouth.

You wrapped your arms around his neck, fingers gripping at the short hairs at the base of his neck. His left arm had wrapped around you, pulling you tightly against him, right hand cradling your face.

You had no idea how long the kiss lasted. It felt as if time stopped and the world around you ceased to exist. It was only the two of you and the moment you shared.

When you finally parted, you were both breathless. It was evident from his expression he didn't have an interest in stopping, and neither did you. You would have kissed him on that dance floor all night long.

He kissed you again, but it was over too soon for your liking. "Tyler," you whimpered as he pulled away.

He chuckled softly. "I don't wanna stop either, baby, but if we don't, I'm liable to make a bit of a scene on this dance floor."

You grinned. "What kind of scene?"

He leaned in close, lips a hair's breadth away from yours. "The X-rated kind."

You brushed your lips against his. "I'm down if you are."

His responding grin warmed your heart. "As hot as that would be, I'd rather not share you with the rest of this bar."

"Well then I guess it's a good thing our motel is right across the street."

He groaned softly. "Thank god." He pulled away, but you could see in his gaze he didn't want to. "Lemme just pay the tab."

"Oh, I gotta pay mine too."

The look he gave you halted you in your tracks. "I'm taking you to bed, Lightning. I'm paying your tab."

You laughed lightly and watched him walk away. Your gaze lingered on his very nice ass for a moment before flickering away in search of your team.

You met Lily's eyes across the room and the grin she gave you told you she'd seen everything. She pulled out her phone and typed for a few moments. Unsurprisingly, yours dinged the moment she looked back up.

Lily: YOU KISSED TYLER!

You: Technically, he kissed me.

Lily: Whatever! YOU KISSED!!! I told you he liked you!

You: Yeah, yeah. You can gloat later...we're going back to the motel. ;)

Lily: You can bet your ass I will! Have fun and don't do anything I wouldn't do.

You: Is there anything you wouldn't do?

Lily: Nope :D <3

You met your best friend's gaze again and she was grinning ear to ear. She gave you a big thumbs up, which sparked your own happy smile.

"Whatcha smilin' at, sweetheart?" Tyler asked, appearing beside you.

You looked up at him with a warm expression. "You."

"Mhmm." His tone told you he knew exactly what had made you smile, or rather whom.

"Walk me home?" you teased lightly.

He grinned. "It would be an honor, milady."

You laughed at his attempt at a proper British accent. "Stick to your normal accent, babe. It's hotter."

He smirked. "You think my accent's hot?"

You groaned as you walked out the door, Tyler right behind you. "I'm gonna regret admitting that, aren't I?"

He wrapped his arms around you, pulling you to a stop. "I don't know, darlin'. Are you?" His voice had deepened and that southern drawl made your knees weak.

"Not if you keep that up," you whispered.

He chuckled as he placed kisses on your neck, nipping gently at the place where your neck met your shoulder.

You let out a soft moan and he tightened his grip on your waist. "We better get moving or I'm gonna lose it."

You smiled. "As much as I'd like to see you lose control, I'd prefer it be in my room and not the parking lot."

He laughed softly and grabbed your hand. He guided you across the street and up the stairs of the motel. His eyes seemed to gleam in the moonlight as he watched you fish out your key and unlock your door.

The second you entered the room and closed the door, Tyler had you pressed against it, lips pressed firmly against yours. You sighed into the kiss, relishing the hard lines of his body beneath your hands.

You made quick work of the buttons on his plaid shirt, pushing it off his shoulders as his lips trailed down your neck. He nipped at your collarbone, earning a breathless moan from you.

Your hands instinctively went to his hair, but his backwards ball cap was in the way. You pulled it off his head and tossed it across the room before tangling your fingers in his dark blonde locks. He let out a soft sound of pleasure as your nails scraped against his scalp.

"Normally I treat my hats with more respect than that, but you're more than welcome to throw 'em around if it means I get to feel your hands in my hair."

You chuckled, tugging lightly on his roots. He groaned lowly in response, and you grinned. "I'll keep that in mind."

He tugged his shirt the rest of the way off before sliding his hands under yours and removing it with a swiftness that surprised you. His eyes trailed down to your bra, but you were too focused on his bare chest to notice.

He leaned forward, aiming to press a kiss to your breast, but you held him at arm's length. "Sweetheart?"

"Hold on," you mumbled. "I'm trying to count your abs."

He laughed and shook his head slowly.

"It's not natural to have that many. It's absurd."

He laughed even harder, hand sliding under your chin to tilt your head up. When your eyes met his, you could see the mischief dancing in them. "You can count them later--after I'm done making you scream my name."

You smirked. "Is that a promise?"

"The screaming or the ab counting?"

You laughed lightly, smacking his chest affectionately. "The screaming, Tyler Owens. I am very interested in forgetting my name...if you think you can manage it."

He grinned wolfishly. "Oh darlin', my name will be the only thing you'll remember."

He didn't allow you to respond before kissing you with even more hunger than before. His hands deftly unclasped your bra and you let it fall to the floor.

Tyler pulled away just enough to look at your bare breasts, a low appreciative whistle escaping his lips. "Now these are the nicest pair I've ever seen." He punctuated his words with a pinch to each of your nipples, which had you arching off the door.

"Ty--"

Whatever you were about to say was cut off by moans as he lowered to take a nipple into his mouth. His hands massaged what his mouth could not, and he listened closely to your breathing to gauge your enjoyment.

After spending a sufficient amount of time appreciating your ample chest, he slid to his knees, mouth trailing kisses down to your abdomen.

He made quick work of removing your jeans, leaving you in nothing but a pair of lacy underwear you suddenly found yourself incredibly glad to be wearing.

"These are nice," he murmured, tracing a finger around the edge of the lace. "Were you expecting something, Lightning?"

His tone was teasing, but you could see a little bit of worry in his eyes. As if you would have wanted to be in this position with anyone but him.

"There's always a part of me that hopes you'll see them," you admitted softly.

His eyes lit up. "Oh? You wear them for me?"

You blushed. "I wear them for me, but...you're the only man I'd want to see them."

Tyler grinned and dipped his finger beneath the lace, hooking it around the crotch panel and tugging down slowly. You watched his hungry gaze as he lowered your underwear to the floor for you to step out of.

He gently traced a finger along the seam of your labia, a groan escaping his throat. "Fuck, baby. You're already soaked."

You blushed and let out a soft whine, desperate for him to actually touch you already. "Ty..."

He chuckled lightly. "Patience, sweetheart." He grabbed your left leg and pulled it over his shoulder, before leaning in to lick a thick stripe up your pussy.

You gasped, one hand going immediately to his hair while the other pressed against the door for balance.

"You taste even better than I imagined."

Every woman wants to hear that, and you were no exception, but you were becoming increasingly impatient. "Tyler, please."

"You gonna keep still for me, darlin'?"

You nodded rapidly.

"Good girl. Now let me enjoy my meal."

You weren't sure what pulled the moan from deep in your chest--his words or the incredible feeling of his tongue delving into your pussy. To be honest, you couldn't be bothered to care.

It was harder than you'd thought to actually stay still. His tongue was exceptionally talented and he had you bucking up against his mouth almost instantly.

He chuckled against your pussy as his hands grabbed your hips and held you firmly in place. He wasn't about to deprive himself of your delicious taste for even a second to admonish you for moving.

As your moans increased in volume and frequency, Tyler found himself loving the sound more than he'd ever thought possible. He knew he would do just about anything to hear them again.

Your grip on his hair tightened and you pulled on it periodically, each time breaking his concentration for a moment. You were still coherent enough to tuck that knowledge away for use at a later time.

"Tyler," you whimpered. "I'm close."

He groaned against you and his grip on your hips tightened to an almost bruising level. He brought all of his focus and effort to your clit, increasingly desperate to feel you come.

Gasps and moans ripped from your mouth as the tension in your abdomen reached a fever pitch. "Please, please, please."

Tyler didn't stop his ministrations--didn't change a single thing. Your legs began to shake and your grip on his hair was painful, but he'd let you rip every last strand out just to hear your moans as you came.

With a final flick of his tongue, you fell over the edge into a brilliant abyss of pleasure unlike anything you'd ever experienced before. The sounds pouring from your mouth were easily the most beautiful sounds he'd ever heard and he never wanted them to stop.

Your thighs were shaking as you came down from your high, Tyler's mouth still fixed on your pussy despite the grip you had on his hair. He finally let you pull him away, if only to prevent you from losing your balance.

He stood up, licking his lips happily as he gazed into your flushed face. His cock was throbbing painfully, but he was happy to ignore it in favor of ensuring your pleasure for every moment.

"If you're that good with your mouth," you started breathlessly, "then I'm intrigued to see what you can do with the rest of your body."

He grinned wickedly. "I'm more than happy to show you."

You smiled. "I thought you might be."

You grabbed his face and pulled him down for a heated kiss. He pressed his body firmly against yours and you could feel his erection pressing into your lower belly.

You palmed him through his jeans, giving him a firm squeeze. He groaned and bucked his hips against your hand. You smirked against his lips as you noted the impressive size beneath your palm.

"Baby," he ground out. "Don't tease me."

"Since you had mercy on me, I suppose I can do the same," you murmured.

You made quick work of removing his belt and unbuttoning his jeans. He helped you remove them, along with his boxers. Before you could see exactly what he was working with, he'd scooped you up in his arms and was carrying you to the bed.

He laid you down gently, climbing on top of you, lips pressed against yours in a hungry kiss. His tongue fought yours for dominance, but you allowed him to win, opting instead to reach for the hard length you could feel pressing against your thigh.

You wrapped your hand around him and began to stroke slowly, adding a little pressure each time you reached the head. Tyler groaned against your lips, clearly enjoying the sensations.

After a few moments, he grabbed your hand, stopping you mid-stroke. "Keep that up and this isn't gonna last nearly as long as I want it to."

You smirked and nipped at his bottom lip. "I didn't realize I had that effect on you."

"How you didn't figure it out is beyond me. I've wanted you with increasing desperation since the day I met you."

You inhaled sharply, surprised by his admission. He didn't want to give you time to respond, especially if you hadn't felt that same attraction, so he used your momentary distraction to brush his cock against your folds.

You both moaned softly, focus returning to the present situation.

"I would have liked to repay the favor, but I don't think I can stand another second without you inside me," you whispered.

Tyler smirked. "The feeling is mutual, baby."

He gripped his cock tightly and lined it up with your entrance. He paused, realizing he was forgetting an important step. "Shit. Do you, uh, do you have a condom?"

You shook your head. "It's okay though. I've got an IUD."

"Are you sure?"

You nodded. "I trust you."

"I'm clean and I haven't been with anyone since I got tested last."

"Same," you confirmed. "So please, if you could fuck me senseless, I would really appreciate it."

Tyler grinned and chuckled breathily. "Your wish is my command."

He knew he was well-endowed and he could see the flicker of worry in your eyes as you stared down at his cock. He didn't want to hurt you, but he knew the moment he felt your warmth around him he'd lose all sense of control.

"I can go slow, sweetheart," he said softly.

Your eyes flicked back up to meet his and you shook your head. "I wanna feel you--all of you. Please."

He nodded and pressed the tip of his cock against your core and slowly slipped into you. He watched your face for any sign of pain or discomfort, but he didn't see any.

"Take a deep breath for me, baby," he whispered.

The moment you inhaled, he thrust into you, filling you so fully you nearly screamed from the stretch alone. You gripped onto his shoulders tightly and gasped his name.

He lowered his head to yours and tried to steady his racing heart. He knew you'd feel good, but he'd never imagined it'd feel like this. "You feel incredible," he murmured. "Made for me, weren't you darlin'?"

"Ty," you whimpered. "Need you to move--please."

He started to move slowly, dragging his cock along your tight walls until he was almost all the way out before plunging back in. The initial discomfort eased as he moved until all you could feel was blinding pleasure.

Tyler watched your face, waiting until your expression morphed to pure ecstasy before shifting his angle. He elevated your hips, tugging both your legs up against his chest as he pounded into you.

You let out a cry of pleasure as his cock brushed against that spot inside you that made you see stars. Your nails dug into his biceps, the only part of him you could reach.

"You feel so good, baby," he ground out. "Squeezing me so tight."

Your eyes snapped shut and your head tilted back as a series of moans and expletives slipped from your lips. You could feel another orgasm building, pleasure so close you could almost taste it.

"Ty, please don't stop," you begged.

"I wouldn't dare."

He knew you were close--could feel it in the way your walls pulsed around him. He continued his pace, hitting your sweet spot with each thrust.

Your grip on his biceps tightened to an almost painful level, nails digging into his flesh so deeply they may draw blood, but he was too lost in the pleasure to care.

"You gonna come for me, sweet girl?" he murmured.

You were past words, only able to manage a rapid nod of your head. The sounds your bodies made mixing with the broken moans coming from both of you, was absolutely the most sinful sound either of you had ever heard. Tyler would have given his last breath to hear those sounds forever.

Your jaw went slack, the only warning Tyler had before he felt the explosion of pleasure rock through your body. Your pussy clenched him so tightly he couldn't move, the force of your orgasm stealing the breath from his lungs.

You clung to him as you came down from your high and he slowly lowered your legs so he could kiss you without breaking you in half. His lips brushed against yours, swallowing the soft panting breaths as they escaped your lips.

"How many more do you think you can give me, Lightning?" he murmured against your soft skin.

"I--I don't know," you answered breathlessly.

"Well then, let's find out." His tone was dominant, but you knew he wouldn't do anything you didn't want him to. If you asked him to stop, he'd do it in a heartbeat.

You nodded your agreement, earning a wicked smile from his handsome face. He slipped out of you and the sudden emptiness almost made you cry. Tyler noticed instantly and he cooed softly, "Aww, don't worry, baby. I'm not going anywhere."

His strong, callused hands stroked your sides before gripping your hips tightly and flipping you onto your stomach. You gasped in surprise, but immediately lifted your hips for him as if on instinct.

He chuckled softly. "Such a good girl, aren't you sweetheart? You know just what to do."

You shook your hips and whimpered softly, signaling your need to the man now hovering behind you. You felt his hand trail down your spine, leaving goosebumps in his wake. When his hand reached your ass, he smacked it--hard enough to get a reaction, but not hard enough to really hurt you.

You moaned loudly at the pleasurable feeling and pushed your hips back towards him, desperate for him to touch you again.

"Oh you like that, pretty girl?" He smacked your ass again. "You like it when I spank you?" Another smack.

"Yes!" you gasped out between moans.

Tyler chuckled and gave you one more spank before sheathing himself in your warm heat without warning. Your cries mixed with his low groan as he bottomed out.

"Fuck, baby. So goddamn tight."

You pushed back against him and wiggled your hips, a broken "please" escaping your lips.

He couldn't resist your begging tone even if he wanted to. He set a brutal pace, pounding into you like he'd never get to do it again. He held your hips so tightly there was no doubt there'd be bruises there in the morning.

"So deep," you cried out between moans. "'s so good."

Tyler wanted to feel you come again, but he had a feeling you'd need a little extra stimulation this time. His right hand slid down your back until he could wrap it around your throat. Using it as leverage, along with the arm he slipped around your middle, he pulled you up so your back pressed against his chest.

You gasped, head falling back against him, exposing your neck to him as your heavily lidded eyes met his. He brushed his lips to your shoulder, then your neck, then your cheek--hips never faltering, hold never slipping.

"I need you to come again for me, baby."

You whimpered in response, but made no move to stop him as his dominant hand lowered to your throbbing clit. He maintained a grip on your throat, firm but gentle, while his other hand slowly massaged your clit.

The moans that fell from your lips were like music to his ears, along with the half-gasped whimpers of his name. "Let go for me, sweet girl. I've got you."

You lifted one arm to wrap around his head, entwining your fingers into his hair. You held onto him as best you could as your orgasm ravaged your body.

Tyler groaned as you tugged his hair, teeth nipping at your pulse point while he helped you ride out your high. He knew if he let go of you, you'd fall flat on your face, so he lowered you very gently to the bed before rolling you back over to look up at him.

"You look so beautiful like this," he whispered.

A soft blush bloomed across your cheeks, somehow only making you more beautiful. He wished he could take a picture of this moment, but he'd have to settle for the memory instead.

He lowered his lips down to yours and you met him with surprising intensity. You held on to the back of his neck and tugged at his hair as your tongues intertwined. You brushed your soaking core against his painfully hard length, and he groaned into the kiss.

"Want you to come too," you whimpered against his lips.

"Only if you come with me."

Your eyes widened as you pulled away from him. "I don't think I can."

"Will you try for me, pretty girl?"

You bit your lip, but you nodded slowly. "I'll try."

He grinned, nudging his nose against yours affectionately. "That's my girl."

He slowly slid back into you, starting his medium pace immediately. Your breath mingled with his, lips never more than a couple inches apart. He was supporting himself entirely on his arms, which were caged around you.

Unlike the previous positions, this felt unhurried, gentle...loving. You lost yourself in his blue-green eyes, gaze never leaving your face.

Tyler wanted to see you fall apart this time--really see you. He wanted to see all those little micro-expressions of pleasure--pleasure he was giving you.

To your surprise, you could feel the familiar tightening in your lower belly, feel the ache that always preceded an orgasm. Your hands were soft against his velvet-smooth skin as you traced the muscles up and down his back.

"Tyler..." you whispered, brushing your lips against his again.

"Yes, sweetheart?"

"Wanna come with you."

He kissed you gently. "Tell me what you need."

"Just don't stop," you begged softly.

His lips brushed your forehead. "Never."

You weren't sure if it was the passion of the moment or the heightened sensitivity from multiple orgasms, or maybe a mixture of both, but you were already teetering on the edge of bliss. Your nails dug into his back and your moans became louder--a subtle signal of your impending orgasm.

"I can feel you tensing, sweet girl. I know you're close." He kissed you again, tasting the moans that left your lips.

Your entire body began to shake and your breathing was ragged as you held tightly to Tyler like he was the only thing keeping you tied to earth.

Tyler was on the edge too...barely able to hold back the orgasm he'd been fighting for several minutes. It was taking almost all of his focus not to come before you did.

"Need you to come with me, (Y/N)," he begged. "Please, baby."

Hearing Tyler Owens beg was one of the sexiest things you'd ever heard, and it had you falling into an ocean of pleasure you might very well drown in.

Your mouth opened in a silent scream as you fell apart, Tyler's strong hands and whispered words the only things holding you together.

Your name escaped his lips like a prayer on repeat as he came, filling you with his seed. You clung to each other in the moments after the pleasure began to fade, neither of you willing to part just yet.

Tyler's large, toned body collapsed onto yours, pinning you beneath him as you both tried to catch your breath.

"Am I hurting you?" he mumbled.

"No."

"Good...because I don't think I can move."

You chuckled lightly, feeling his responding chuckle rumble against your chest.

Your fingers ran through his hair, gently messaging his scalp as you held him close to you. If you were being honest, you didn't want him to move...at least not anytime soon.

After several minutes, Tyler finally pulled himself up and you grumbled softly, wishing you could hold him a little while longer.

He chuckled as he looked down at you. "I'm coming right back, sweetheart. Just gonna grab something to clean you up with."

You watched him walk to the bathroom and return moments later with a warm, wet washcloth. He was gentle as he cleaned up the mess between your legs before wiping himself off and collapsing on the bed beside you.

"C'mere," he murmured, pulling you towards him. You obliged, laying your head on his chest and letting out a happy little sigh.

Tyler smiled as he placed a kiss to the top of your head, pulling you even closer despite how hot his skin felt.

"What're we gonna tell the team?" you asked softly, unsure if you really wanted the answer.

His responding chuckle made you smile. "Pretty sure they already know, darlin'. Especially if Lily's expression when we left the bar was anything to go by."

You blushed as you looked up at him. "So you're okay with this?"

Tyler could see the flicker of worry in your eyes and he wanted to assuage it immediately. "If by this you mean, telling every single person I see that you're my girl, then yes."

It was your turn to chuckle. "I think I like that."

He smiled. "Yeah? You like being my girl?"

You pulled yourself up to kiss him sweetly. "I like it very much."

He kissed you deeply before allowing you to settle back against his chest. He knew he wouldn't mind spending every day like this for the rest of his life. In fact, he was willing to do just about anything to ensure it...and so were you.

#tyler owens x reader #tyler owens x you #Tyler owens x reader smut #Tyler owens smut #Tyler owens #twisters #twisters smut

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nattikay · 1 year ago

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wooooo they have proper refsheets

massive lore dump under the cut

Might as well start with Neynari. Probably the most striking thing about her visually is that she has a condition called leucism, which causes an underproduction of pigment. In Neynari's case, her leucism is a random mutation that resulted in the malfunction of her pigment-producing cells, rather than a genetic trait inherited from her family. Needless to say the clan was quite surprised when she was born hrh

Speaking of which, Neynari was born in the Aranahe clan to a couple by the names of Seylana and Vontxu. She was an only child and has an especially close relationship with her mother. Her father, Vontxu, was very quiet and reserved; he rarely spoke and was difficult to get to know. Seylana found his soft demeanor charming, but while Neynari loves her father and knows he loves her too, his personality made it harder for her to bond with him, so she was never quite as close to him as she was to her mother.

Her pale skin makes her a poor hunter--prey can see her coming from a mile away--but she more than makes up for her lack of hunting ability with excellent craftsmanship. Growing up in the Aranahe clan she is of course well versed in weaving and dyeing, but her true passion is beading. She absolutely loves making beads of all varieties and incorporating them into her weaving projects. Vontxu is actually the one who first taught her how to make them, and it was one of the few activities she felt she and her father could bond over. She used to sit for hours in the weaver's den with him, not speaking, just carving beads to their hearts' content.

One day a group of Aranahe artisans, Neynari among them, set off on a trading route to visit the Anurai clan. Neynari knew the Anurai clan also had a reputation as skilled artisans and was keen to compare their crafts. It was on this trip that she met Se'txelu...

(rewinds tape recorder) alright let's talk about Se'txelu now hrh. I mentioned how Neynari has a condition called leucism. Well, Se'txelu has the opposite: melanism (or I guess for a Na'vi it would be called cyanism). So while Neynari's body underproduces pigment, Se'txelu's overproduces it. Unlike Neynari whose condition was a random mutation, Se'txelu's is one that I headcanon as a rare but established recessive trait among his clan, the Anurai (actually google tells me that irl melanism is dominant but shhhhhh this is imaginary alien version I can do what I want with it lol). This Pandoran version of the condition, in my headcanon, requires just the right combo of genes to show up in the phenotype, so while several of the Anurai are carriers of the gene(s), it's very rare to have more than two or three indivduals who actually display it living in the clan at the same time, and sometimes there are none at all. At the time of this "story" there are only two: Se'txelu himself, and the current tsahìk, Awlun (who happens to be his great-aunt.) Before them, the most recent person to have it was Se'txelu's great-grandfather.

The Anurai don't use human terms like melanism or cyanism of course; they refer to this condition as txonleng (shortened from txonä ta'leng, meaning "skin of night"), and because the dark color resembles the hide of the mighty palulukan which the Anurai canonically revere, it is generally believed that individuals born with txonleng are blessed by Eywa and destined to be legendary hunters, especially nocturnal hunters...which there may be a sliver of truth to, since they are naturally better at blending into the shadows.

In Se'txelu's case, though....well, he is good at camouflage, but alas, he's also kinda clumsy, which kinda cancels out any stealth bonus granted by his condition 😅 Despite his clumsiness, he is still a decent hunter at least, albeit a long ways off from "legendary" status (uh oh, potential source of angst for this usually happy-go-lucky dork).

When the Aranahe artisans visited his clan to trade, Neynari immediately caught Se'txelu's attention. He'd never seen anyone who looked like her before, and on top of that, she was quite beautiful. He was infatuated immediately. Lucky for him, she took notice of him too (they both kinda stand out in a crowd lol). Now, while Se'txelu had never seen anyone with leucism like Neynari, he had met two other people with his own condition, txonleng—his great-grandfather (although his memories of him are hazy since he was quite young when he died (of old age)), and Awlun (who of course is still alive and kicking)—so though his condition was rare he had never really felt alone because of it. Neynari, on the other hand, had never seen another Na'vi who wasn't standard blue, so meeting someone else who stood out like that was shocking and intriguing.

The Aranahe trading party stayed with the Anurai for about a week. Se'txelu tried to work up the nerve to actually talk to Neynari. One day, she noticed him up in a tree and waved at him. Remember when I said Se'txelu was clumsy? Well, he tried to wave back...but in doing so let go of the branch he was gripping and fell out of the tree. Onto his face. And lost a tooth in the process.

Neynari felt awful because she felt like the accident was her fault, and she came to check on Se'txelu once his bloody mouth had been cleaned up. But despite the initial awkward guilt, with that incident the ice, much like Se'txelu's face, was broken lol. They ended up talking for a long time after that, and clicked pretty hard. Neynari even gave him the joking nickname Sre'tìkelu ("tooth-lack") in reference to the now permanent gap in his smile. They continued to bond over the next few days, and when it came time for the Aranahe party to return home, Neynari found herself not wanting to join them...

Neynari's closest friend back home had always been her mother, Seylana. But tragically, Seylana had passed away of sickness about two years prior to Neynari's trip to the Anurai. With the loss of her mother back home, but the promise of a potential future with Se'txelu here, Neynari was wondering if she should stay and ask to join the Anurai clan...but would that be fair to her ancestors, and to the clan who had raised and loved her?

The night before the Aranahe were meant to leave, Neynari asked Se'txelu to take her to the nearest spirit tree. She connected to Eywa and spoke with Seylana's spirit, pouring her heart out to the memory of her mother and explaining her dilemma. Seylana comforted her daughter and encouraged her to stay with the Anurai. She wanted her daughter to have a bright and happy future and if she found that in another clan, so be it.

Now with her mother's blessing, Neynari spoke with Awlun, the Anurai tsahìk, as well as with the leader of the Aranahe trading party, and explained the whole situation. She was allowed to join the Anurai, and she and Se'txelu began courting officially, and became mates not long after.

But wait! All these words and we haven't even mentioned Rolukx yet! Rolukx is Se'txelu's older brother, by roughly five or six years. When the boys were young, their father, Tanu, was involved in a hunting accident and almost died. He survived and is fine now, save a few scars, but there was a period of time where his condition was critical and his survival unclear. Se'txelu doesn't really remember this incident because he was too young, but Rolukx does, and it really affected him. Up until that point, he, like many young children, thought of his dad as invincible...this brush with death shattered that innocent belief for poor Rolukx; he became a lot more nervous and paranoid about safety and, well, mortality. One way he dealt with this trauma was becoming very protective of his little brother, even after they became adults (and to be fair, his worries over Se'txelu's safety aren't entirely unfounded because, again, clumsy dork lol).

Though he spends a lot of his time keeping an eye on his brother, Rolukx is actually a musician and instrument maker by trade, and he's very good at it. The knife he carries is not (usually) used for hunting or cooking, but rather for whittling bone (and other materials, but Anurai clan so mostly bone lol) into intricate flutes and whistles. He plays them beautifully as well, but unfortunately suffers from stage fright and dislikes playing in front of others. The only person he'll consistently play for is his mother Lunaya, who was always very encouraging of his talents (he's a bit of a mama's boy).

Rolukx was a little wary of Neynari at first, as he felt like Se'txelu was rushing into this relationship with some random girl from another clan way too fast. But Se'txelu seemed happy, and when Neynari showed genuine interest in Rolukx's whittling skills, offering to teach him some Aranahe beading and weaving tips in exchange for some whittling and music ones, he warmed up to her and they wound up being pretty good friends, so Rolukx approves of his brother's relationship.

Lunaya, the boys' mother, happens to also love beaded accessories and hit it off with Neynari right away. Neynari appreciates having her around because she reminds her of her own mother, even if Lunaya is much more extroverted and eccentric than Seylana was.

(deep breath) sooooooooooo.....I think that covers most of it. those are my dumb dumbs, enjoy

#avatar #na'vi oc #neynari #se'txelu #rolukx #oeyä ayskxawngtsyìp #my art #shoutout to my friend tìrey for giving me an excuse to actually type all that out recently lol

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bestanimal · 7 months ago

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Round 2 - Arthropoda - Malacostraca

(Sources - 1, 2, 3, 4)

Malacostraca is the second largest class of crustaceans, and what most people picture when they hear the word crustacean! It contains over 40,000 species separated into 17 orders: Leptostraca, Stomatopoda (“Mantis Shrimp”), Decapoda (“Crabs”, “Lobsters”, “Crayfish”, “Shrimp”, and “Prawns”), Euphausiacea (“Krill”), Thermosbaenacea, Mysida (“Opossum Shrimp”), Stygiomysida, Lophogastrida, Spelaeogriphacea, Mictacea, Bochusacea, Cumacea (“Hooded/Comma Shrimp”), Tanaidacea, Amphipoda, Isopoda, Anaspidacea, and Bathynellacea. Many are scavengers, some are predators, some are herbivores, some are filter feeders, and some are parasites.

Malacostracans live worldwide, in marine, freshwater, and terrestrial environments, and have a large diversity of body forms. They are united by their segmentation of 20-21 body segments divided into a 5-segmented head, an 8-segmented thorax, and a 6-segmented abdomen with a telson, except in Leptostraca which has 7 abdominal segments. They have a pair of jointed appendages on each abdominal segment, though some groups have lost them secondarily. In some, three thoracic segments may be fused with the head to form a cephalothorax, the associated legs becoming maxillipeds. They have two pairs of antennae, which often branch into two parts. Their mouthparts have a pair of mandibles, maxillules, and maxillae. Many taxa have compound eyes on moveable stalks. Some have a carapace which covers the head, part or all of the thorax and some of the abdomen. The carapace may be fused with some of the thoraacic segments or hinged with two parts. This is one of the most diverse classes in the animal kingdom, and their anatomy and behavior would be hard to summarize further in just one paragraph!

The oldest malacostracans are the Leptostracans, which first appeared as fossils from the Cambrian period.

Propaganda under the cut:

“Carcinisation” has become a meme meaning “everything becomes crab”, but it actually only refers to the phenomenon of decapods convergently evolving crab-like anatomy. The Infraorder Brachyura contains the “True Crabs”, but at least 5 groups of unrelated decapods have evolved similar anatomy: a flat and broad cephalothorax.

Stomatopods (“Mantis Shrimp”) are known for their excellent color vision, but they probably can not actually see “shrimp colors.” They can see ultraviolet and polarized light, but their excess of photoreceptor cells actually lets them process their environment faster than we can, rather than differentiate between a multitude of different colors. This allows them to have quick reaction times, either to escape predators, fight or flee from rivals, or strike at their prey with amazing speed.

Malacostraca contains the largest living arthropods: the Japanese Spider Crab (Macrocheira kaempferi) with a legspan of up to 4 metres (13 ft) long, and the American Lobster (Homarus americanus), which can get up to 20 kilograms (44 lb).

Many species of malacostracans are commonly kept as pets, including crabs, crayfish, shrimp, mantis shrimp, and isopods.

Cute creb eat a cherry:

#round 2 #animal polls #arthropoda #Malacostraca

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pseuddamntired · 7 months ago

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Needle Lace Resources

This is a very long post, so I'm including a cut.

Tutorial-like Things, Others' Work

An overview of the stages of needle lace (specifically learning from Alençon, I believe. They link to a documentary type of video on Alençon lace): https://www.taixtile.com/needle-lace-first-steps/. This blog has links to other resources (one link is broken, if I recall correctly).

A very approachable first project, I think. From a lace maker who has done very cool illustrations with lace, Maggie Hensel-Brown: https://youtu.be/OLuRpJ96p4Q?si=gqBWqYxa755gFozr

This channel has videos of the stages of needle lace making. They specifically demonstrate Irish lace, I believe. But the stages are very similar to or the same as the stages in Alençon lace. https://youtu.be/dZVagIFCnLc?si=d8lRnPsmz5iTM0Z_

Pierre Fouché has a video about making dense filling stitches and even doing short rows to makes curves (something I tried but did not yet succeed at): https://youtu.be/DK5cMQND3b8?si=qySmT9yaoTcpsUV9 He also does really cool bobbin lace illustrations by constructing patterns in cell-like units.

An embroiderer tries needle lace in two videos. In one of them she tries different styles from different places: https://youtu.be/eTO7dA4oyl4?si=VInx35kql115bIIo https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A9Wa6-Qf5xw

Example of a different style of needle lace. Unsure what it is exactly. Some sort of cut work or reticella, idk: https://youtube.com/shorts/7DFogWC3tDI?si=uju74sPFbRj3_wrn

Sampler directions: https://youtu.be/oDKBfjDYBnU?si=shQYvaT4kAZD7BgV

Again, a more geometric style of needle lace. I don’t know the particulars of this style (styles?), since I’ve mostly been looking into styles similar to Alençon because I’m aiming for more illustration-like lace. This channel has multiple videos demoing and explaining that process: https://youtu.be/gJd6mkrsUCQ?si=AfVIiwljHvfismrX https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R6dk721UwW4

Not so much instructions but video of a very skilled lacemaker working on a project: https://youtu.be/01H2GdEXLrs?si=2suFHSG4Kwa6Yl2m

Another lacemaker's work on their blog. I don’t know if they do as much lace making as they do other needle arts https://www.robesdecoeur.com/blog/needlelace-my-work-so-far

A lacemaker's work... the site is older and kind of tricky to navigate. Like. there's no home button, as far as I can tell. Album of their work: https://www.lacemakerslace.oddquine.co.uk/album/index.html Home page, I think: https://www.lacemakerslace.oddquine.co.uk/

Useful/Interesting Things to Know

Alençon lace -- specific French style from the Alençon region, which has a history of point lace and a current institution dedicated to preserving the skills and producing lace. This is the style that I was looking at examples of to try and learn from.

Search terms like different styles of lace that I’m not qualified to talk about but you can look into and do research on: Battenburg, point de gaze (very very fine work, like gauze)… More to be added as I learn about them.

The terms "needle lace" and "point lace" are both used to refer to lace made with a needle. I'm unclear on if there are subtle distinctions between them or if it's simply a matter of location. But having versions of a search query for both terms should help find more results than just using one.

Encyclopedia of Needlework by Therese De Dillmont is an excellent resource to learn how to do different stitches. It seems these stitches mostly come from Irish lace, according to the book. HTML copy of book available on Project Gutenberg here: https://www.gutenberg.org/files/20776/20776-h/20776-h.htm I recommend using ctrl+f to search for "lace stitch" on the page. The end of each chapter in the HTML version seems to have a link to the Table of Contents that is at the end of the entire document. It has chapters for plenty of other needle arts, so it's a good resource all around.

If you want to find examples of needle lace, look on Wikimedia Commons! Using a variety of search terms will help you find more material for inspiration/observation than otherwise

If you want to design your own needle lace depicting objects, it might be worth looking at stained glass to see how larger shapes are broken up into smaller shapes that still feel complete.

You can use multiple colors! Let yourself use multiple colors, like stained glass!

Thoughts from the Learning Process So Far (some terminology used here, look them up so you know what the actual definitions are, but I’ll define what I mean by them)

Tacking vs Couching... I'm unsure about the actual definitions so I may be using them wrong here. In the videos I’ve seen tacking seems to be making a stitch that runs along the way the cordonnet will run. Couching seems to be just when the thread that secures the cordonnet comes up through the backing and goes down through the backing at the same point. With these definitions… Tacking went faster for me than doing couching, but it feels a lot less secure and precise for the form of lace I’m making. Unless I made the tacking stitches perpendicular to the cordonnet's path, the outline cord moved too much due to tension. If it's perpendicular and not a very short stitch, it might get in the way of your filling stitches or binding off stitches. Which might be fine, since you pull them out anyways. But it would also mean more holes in the backing, and at some point the holes are too close together and might tear the backing and pattern. I don't like that. Couching—much, MUCH more tedious for me because I’m not practiced at making the needle come up in exactly the right spot. but it feels more secure to me. The outline seems to be less affected by tension as you work. And I took some shortcuts for couching that helped. I don’t couch the doubled cord, instead I whip stitch back over the already-secured cord. I might make a post to demonstrate what I mean. It kind of messes with the shape/placement of my cordonnet, but for the sake of my impatience I’m willing to sacrifice the precise shape.

Backing material... To use fabric in backing like the instructions usually say, or not? Idk. For me, it’s hard to find the right hole for the couching stitches when I can't see my pattern from the back. It took a lot of trial and error until I got a feel for how to predict where my needle would come up. I don't like the way the poke-and-check method of stitching the cordonnet down tends to rip the pattern up (at least, with my easy-to-access materials. Probably better with better materials and more practice. Using my thumb to find approximately the right spot helped, but not enough). So I just used a sandwich of tape/paper/tape as my backing. If you're willing to fuss around with fabric in your backing, it might make it easier to remove the couching threads after you're done, and when I tried. The directions I've seen usually say to use a backing of doubled-up fabric, clay paper (I'm unsure what this is. might be a thicker paper than cardstock, or it might be paper made to contain clay particles. Probably more like the first option), and contact paper. My last attempt at making a backing used notebook paper (or other type of paper) with packaging tape on both sides to provide a smooth surface and structure. I think it worked fairly well, and I didn't have to figure out where to buy contact paper (or figure out exactly what contact paper was).

#lace making #fiber arts #needle lace #instructions #tutorials #information #resources #my post #i will make this cleaner/easier to read later

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junkgatorswritings · 7 months ago

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The Goblet of Fire

I started reading Harry Potter with the very simple goal to prove that the reason it has so many plot holes is because JKR planned out the Marauder's era A: too late and B: not nearly enough.

This book has a lot and most of it's to do with more general characters which makes sense. Because of this I'm probably going to separate the info into more characters than just the Marauders and Lily.

But let's get into it. I'm getting my page numbers from the Raincoast Books publisher with the cover made by Micheal Wildsmith.

Lily Evans:

She refused to stop shielding Harry when Voldemort told her to move (ch. 14 pg. 238).

A trace of her sacrifice stayed on Harry (ch. 33 pg. 707).

James Potter

James died first while trying to hold Voldemort off and telling Lily to take harry and go (ch. 14 pg. 238).

Snape loathed James while they were in school (ch. 26 pg. 523).

He died straight backed and proud (Voldemort ch. 34 pg. 715).

Sirius Black:

He was sent to Azkaban without a trial because of Crouch (ch. 27 pg. 572).

Peter Pettigrew:

He gave up James and Lily's location to Voldemort (ch. 14 pg. 238).

Bertha Jorkins:

Bertha Jorkins was very nosey and didn't have any brains. She was a few years older than Sirius and James (ch. 19 pg. 366).

Bertha Jorkins had an excellent memory for gossip and never knew when to keep her mouth shut, it got her in a lot of trouble (ch. 27 pg. 580).

Bertha followed someone behind the greenhouses or at least said she saw someone (referred to as he) kissing Florence behind the green house and that he hexed her (ch. 30 pg. 650).

Voldemort / Tom Marvolo Riddle:

He killed his foolish muggle father (ch. 33 pg. 700).

His mother was a witch who lived in the village, she fell in love with his father but he left her when he found out she was a witch (ch.n33 pg. 700).

His mother died in childbirth, leaving him in a muggle orphanage (ch.33 pg. 700).

Voldemort vowed that he would take revenge on the fool who gave him his name (ch. 33 pg. 700).

He says that it appeared that one or more of his experiments for immortality worked because he didn't die (ch. 33 pg. 708).

Death Eaters:

Barty Jr. was caught with a group of death eaters who'd talked their way out of Azkaban, apparently they were trying to find Voldemort and return him to power (according to Sirius ch. 27 pg. 573).

Barty Jr. could have just been in the wrong place at the wrong time (according to Sirius ch. 27 pg. 574).

Barty Jr. was no older than 19 and a few cells away from Sirius, he died a year later, no one came to collect the body and it was buried by dementors (ch. 27 pg. 575).

Snape was famous for his fascination with the dark arts at school, he knew more curses when he arrived at the school than half of the seventh years. He was part of a group of Slytherins who nearly all turned out to be death eaters (according to Sirius ch. 27 pg. 577).

Part of Snape's group were Wilkes and Rosier who were both killed by Aurors before Voldemort fell (ch. 17 pg. 577).

The Lestranges are a married couple who are in Azkaban (ch. 27 pg. 578).

Avery said he was imperiused and isn't in Azkaban (ch. 27 pg. 577).

Snape was never accused of being a Death Eater, but he's clever enough to get out of it and a lot of them were never caught (ch. 27 pg. 577).

Crouch's Son (Barty Jr.) got twelve owls (Debatable, crouch said this after escaping Voldemort, so his mind isn't really intact ch. 28 pg. 604)

Igor Karkaroff was in Azkaban, and tried to sell out other Death Eater's to get out (ch. 30 pg. 637).

Moody spent 6 months tracking Karkaroff down (ch. 30 pg. 638)

Voldemort had the Death Eaters organized so that no one never knew who all of his supports were except for him (ch. 30 pg. 639).

Karkaroff gave the names of important supporters, people he saw doing Voldemort's bidding with his own eyes (ch. 30 pg. 639).

Antonin Dolohov tortured countless muggles and non-supporters of the dark lord, he was caught shortly after Karkaroff (ch. 30 pg. 639).

Evan Rosier was killed in a struggle with aurors, he took a large chunk out of Mad-Eye's nose in the process (ch. 30 pg. 640).

Travers helped murder the McKinnons (ch. 30 pg. 640).

Mulciber specialized in the imperius curse and forced countless people to do horrible things (ch. 30 pg. 640).

Rookwood was a spy and passed information to Voldemort from inside the ministry (ch. 30 pg. 640).

Augustus Rookwood had a network of spies inside and outside the Ministry to collect information. But the Ministry had already caught Mulciber and Travers (ch. 30 pg. 641).

Snape was a death eater but he was cleared by the council after being vouched for by Dumbledore. He rejoined the ministry's side before Voldemort fell at great personal risk (ch. 30 pg. 641).

Barty Jr. was put on trial with three other Death Eaters who were caught with him, he was shaking and milk white when he was brought in (ch. 30 pg. 645).

Barty begged his father not to send him back to the dementors, and when that didn't work begged his mother claiming his innocence (ch. 30 pg. 647).

The heavy lidded woman (Bellatrix, probably?) declared that Voldemort would be back, and that he would let them out of Azkaban (ch. 30 pg. 647).

In response to 15 in general information Harry then asks if Barty Jr. might have been innocent (ch. 30 pg. 655).

Barty Jr.'s mother saved him from Azkaban, she came and took his place using polyjuice potion and then kept taking it until she died there (ch. 35 pg. 740-741).

The house elf nursed Barty Jr. Back to health and once he regained it his father put him under a number of spells including the imperius curse, once he broke that control all Barty Jr. could think of was returning to service of his lord (ch. 35 pg. 741).

Barty Jr. loved quidditch (ch. 35 pg. 742).

General information:

Aberforth was prosecuted for practicing inappropriate charms on a goat and went about his business as per usual (according to Dumbledore ch. 24 pg. 495).

When Voldemort was first in power it was a very stressful time. people didn't know who was or wasn't working for him. You knew that he could make people do horrible things against their will. People were scared for themselves and their family. Every week there were more reported deaths, disappearances, and torturing. The ministry was a mess and didn't know what to do, they're trying to keep everything hidden from muggles. Muggles were dying too (ch. 27 pg. 572-573).

Crouch rose quickly in the ministry, he started ordering harsher measures against Voldemort's supporters. Giving Aurors permission/power to kill rather than capture. Sent multiple people to Azkaban without a trial. authorized the use of Unforgivable curses against suspects (ch. 27 pg. 573).

Crouch became as ruthless and cruel as anyone on the Dark side (according to Sirius ch. 27 pg. 573).

Crouch had plenty of supporters, they wanted to make him the minister of Magic, but once his son was found to be a death eater he lost most of his support (ch. 27 pg. 573).

Sirius says that Crouch should have spent more time out of the office and got to know his son (ch. 27 pg. 574).

Crouch cared about his son just enough to give him a trial, and even then it was a public display of how much Crouch hated him (according to Sirius ch. 27 pg. 574).

Being high ranking in the Ministry allowed Crouch and his wife a deathbed visit, his wife died shortly after their son (according to Sirius ch. 27 pg. 575).

Crouch attended a concert with Mr. and Mrs. Fudge with his wife and son, he was very proud of Barty for getting 12 O.W.L.S. (debatable we only find this out after Crouch escapes Voldemort ch. 28 pg. 604).

Ludo Bagman passed information to one of Voldemort's supporters, but he didn't know what he was doing. Rookwood was one of his father's friends and had promised to help get him a job at the Ministry (ch. 30 pg. 643-644).

Crouch looked upon his son with pure hatred (ch. 30 pg. 645).

Barty jr. and the three other Death Eaters captured Auror Frank Longbottom and subjected him to the cruciatus curse because they thought he had information on where Voldemort was. They then tortured his wife Alice the same way when he wouldn't give up the information (ch. 30 pg. 646).

Crouch disowned his son when he was sent to Azkaban, he didn't notice his wife faint when he made the declaration (ch. 30 pg. 647).

The years of Voldemort's rise to power were marked with disappearances (ch. 30 pg. 653).

The Longbottoms were very popular and the attack on them happened after Voldemort's disappearance which caused a wave of fury and demands for the perpetrators to be caught (ch. 30 pg. 655).

Mrs. Weasly once got told off by the Fat Lady for coming back to the common room at 4 in the morning, she was out for a stroll with her now husband. He however got caught by Apollyon Pringle the then caretaker. Mr. Weasly still has the marks (ch. 35 pg. 669).

Crouch loved his wife like he had never loved his son (according to Barty Jr. though he was under Veritaserum so it's likely he truly believed this ch. 35 pg. 740).

The old crowd included Remus Lupin, Mndungus Fletcher, and Arabella Fig (ch. 36 pg. 773).

Questions:

Did Regulus exist when this book was being written? I think not because I feel like Sirius would have mentioned him when he was talking about Snape's friends.

Were other innocent people sent to Azkaban when Crouch wasn't giving out trials?

Where are the theoretical repercussions from sending more innocent people to prison?

Edited on November 28, 2024, to add chapter numbers.

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techalertr · 8 months ago

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Cell Reference in MS Excel | Relative, Absolute & Mixed Cell Referencing https://youtu.be/-EVmfkY5HLU

#TechAlert #MSExcel #Microsoft #msoffice #tipsandtricks #howto #cellReference #Excel #trendingreel #viral #youtubeshorts #fb #love #easy #computer #computercourses #Education

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auspicioustidings · 8 months ago

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Kinktober Day 28

Moniker: N/A Risk Level: High as you may emerge with fewer brain cells. Brief: B-movie marathon Safeword: Refer to first brief.

If Soap gets frisky I can fuck it out of him luv, today is about you getting to lounge about and do nothing but eat, drink and relax - Gaz

Wanna cuddle and watch shite movies? - Soap

Not optional I’m afraid sweetheart. Ale reckons you’re sub-dropping, let the boys handle it for you - Price

Soap looked ruined and you suddenly felt the horror that came with knowing exactly what you must look like all clean and bundled up after having your brains fucked out. It was so obvious he was exhausted and so obvious what had exhausted him. Christ, it must be so apparent to anyone in here that you were getting ruined on the daily if you looked like that after.

The room was basically set up like you were having a childhood sleepover. Huge mattress on the floor piled high with plush blankets and pillows with a big TV and veritable mountain of snacks and drinks set up in little baskets on the floor. You raised an eyebrow at Gaz who was fondly petting at Soap’s mohawk.

“Ghost thought it’d be better if he was too tired out to try humping you” he said with a conspiratorial grin.

“Wait it’s possible to tire him out?”

“Aye very funny. Cuddle!” Soap demanded like a spoiled brat, holding his arms out and making grabby hands.

Ridiculous, this was ridiculous. You were getting paid to what? Cuddle Soap after Ghost had fucked the stuffing out of him? It was the 28th. The contract defined a month as 30. Shouldn’t they be looking to use your body for their pleasure as much as possible with so little time left?

“Hey hey, no, c'mere bonnie, come cuddle” Soap said, crawling over to the edge of the little almost nest to grab your hands and rub his thumbs gently over your knuckles.

You appreciated that neither him nor Gaz pointed out that your eyes were bubbling up with tears because you didn’t want to talk about it. What was there to say? You were an idiot who was falling in love with a bunch of the most dangerous people on the planet? You were starting to think you were no less a dog to be leashed than any of them were?

Instead of saying any of that you just collapsed into Soap’s arms and enjoyed being held by him and Gaz who had wrapped around the two of you in a tangle. The hazy fog of deep sadness that had settled over you slowly started to clear bit by bit as they took care of you.

The b-horror marathon was excellent if you were honest, Gaz kept heckling the characters and threw popcorn at the screen whenever one of the characters did something stupid.

You didn’t disagree and had your own little rants whenever the slut archetype died first. Poor Soap tried to have the discussion of sluts and violence infuse some horniness into him, but whatever Ghost had done had well and truly put him out of commission. He whined terribly when humping a pillow didn’t do anything at all for him, lamenting that his cock was broken.

When Gaz tried to tease him he just pointed out that Gaz was one of the Kennel's dogs for the next week and you found out that he was detained temporarily because of the day he had destroyed your poor ass. You protested but Gaz himself settled you, saying it was fair that they would think he seemed a little off kilter (you felt a little guilty knowing you hadn't reported Soap because he definitely should have been detained if Gaz was). Plus, he was planning on sticking around the place with you here anyway.

It was so silly and yet you couldn’t help but feel that it was real. That this was just a lazy night in with loved ones who were just as happy to be there as you were. That they enjoyed your company even when they weren’t fucking you.

“We should do a Christmas movie marathon” Gaz said as he scrolled through to find your next awful movie.

“Aye but only the pure awful ones.”

You blinked and took a second to catch up.

“I won’t be here at Christmas?” you said, meaning it as a statement but having it come out as a question.

The two of them shared a look that set the hairs on the back of your neck to standing and then just crushed you between them to watch the next movie. Maybe you should have wrestled your way out from between them and demanded to know exactly what that look had meant, but it was warm and cosy and you liked the feeling of safety that came from being wrapped up in them so you just snuggled in and ignored the alarm bells in your head.

#mhairi'skinktober

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neerathebrightstar · 6 months ago

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So because i can't stop myself I will post a small part of chapter one from gotham entity fic (still not sure what title it will have). Treat it like sneak peak before I publish the whole thing cause it's really small and i hate it

“Gotham” did not remember her name from before the city she called hers called itself such. She really didn’t have what most humans referred to as gender before her people started calling her a woman. A Lady protected by her Dark Knight, swarmed in shadows of their joined making. Her Bat was, unfortunately, unaware of her existence. Like most people in her home he went along with his life never feeling her careful but tight grasp on his soul, never once seeing her cold, lifeless eyes watching from dark alleys.

Before him, her city (her body) was slowly eating itself alive. Choking on corruption, crime running through its veins like acid and the crazy destroying it cell by cell. She was dying because the place she tied her soul to just happened to be the closest thing in a long time that could be called hell on earth. It pained her to see so much death in the beginning but her kind is nothing if not excellent at surviving so she evolved into the very thing that seemed to kill her and her citizens. She had to become Darkness in order to thrive without Light.

dividers by thecutestgrotto This fic is inspired by series again & again from @acid-ixx so shout out to my favourite dc writer who practically bullied me into writing again (Im just kidding i love you so much). If anyone wants to be tagged let me know in the comments

Taglist: @jjsmeowthie , @kjhgflds

#dc #batman #yandere batfam #yandere batfamily #yandere dc #bruce wayne #batfam #yandere batman

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mulders-too-large-shirt · 22 days ago

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s8 episode 4 “roadrunners” thoughts

we! are! back!

i haven’t seen an episode in 5 days, so i’m feeling the excitement. and this one seems to be scully-centric! i cannot wait! it is called “roadrunners” and it seems that scully is going to find herself stranded somewhere… i have a feeling i will be SPOOKED!!

let us begin! i have no further thoughts beyond that scully loves to make cartoon references, so even if the episode called “roadrunners” didn’t have her face on the thumbnail, i would imagine she would feature heavily. and also, i am worried for her… girl, please be safe. i’m scared.

okaaaay!!

(post-episode thoughts: this was a good episode- compelling plot, the pacing was excellent, and i have no major qualms with how the characters were handled like i usually do when i don’t enjoy an episode- but i didn’t like it because it was toooooo scary and nasty💀💀 i’m speeding through editing these notes so i can upload them right away and Not think about the spine worm any longer.

and while there were some very interesting things going on in the doggett and scully dynamic in this episode, especially with her not telling him about the case, and then their conversation at the end- analyze as you please- i need time to detox from those images. i trust you understand

🧼scrub scrub scrub it from my brain!!!!)

back to past me!

oh girl, i clicked play and it already seems creepy. we are in a utah desert. someone takes pills by the side of the road. puts on some headphones. goes to a payphone.

he might be lost. oh no, he is hitchhiking. trying to flag down a bus. and it stops for him, luckily, even though he got mad and started yelling. he takes his stuff on the bus and yells at the driver, who says nothing. it seems none of the passengers say anything to him, either. this doesn’t bother hitchhiker man, who puts on his headphones and tries to sleep.

the bus stops and almost everyone departs, including the woman sitting next to him. and he’s asking where they are going and getting ignored. but he follows along.

they are all staring at this one guy who is using some sort of crutch-like mobility aid… and then the bus driver smashes him over the head with a rock?? hitchhiker fellow is GAGGED!!! are they SACRIFICING him?? OH MY GOD??? hitchhiker tried to run away, but they surround him, also holding rocks…

GIRL. I AM SPOOKED!!!

scully honey, please stay away from these people.

she is SERVING in that new intro headshot though, let me just make that clear. more intro imagery: creepy baby. eyeball. mulder falling. we’re getting familiar with these sights.

let’s goooo to spooky town!!!

BLEH, there is blood at the scene. SCULLY IS TAKING PICTURES! oh, scully with a camera… i want to know what she would take pictures of when not working. she is still in heels. still in a desert. we need to get her to stop with the heels in the desert thing.

she finds a rock covered in goop and scoops it into a bag. is she out here ALONE?? where is doggett? and she has no cell service!!!!

ah, roadrunner is the name of the bus line. she goes to the payphone and tries to make a call there, right beneath the sign for the bus.

she says good morning to doggett and he says “good afternoon”- time zones! she is out of town! a local coroner called and asked for help… and i guess she was who they came to? who knows. he didn't know where tf she was!

the body had some… anomalies. a 22 year old backpacker was last seen 6 months ago in perfect health, but his body shows signs of advanced osteoporosis, arthritis, and kyphosis of the vertebrae. and i don’t even KNOW what that last one means!! what did these townspeople do to him? anyway, the body had the spine of a 90 year old woman. yikes.

doggett seems a bit surprised she didn’t need him- she says they called over the weekend and she didn’t want to bother him- but he offers to do anything he can from the bureau. aww. can he get her a ride?

(author's note: hmm... so many ways you can interpret her "not wanting to bother him". i find myself wanting to read the script to understand what was written. that is the thing about TV- when you don't have the words the actors were given in front of you, there are so many ways you can interpret the acting choices!)

she actually wants some help! they have some files about a murder case… and she doesn’t remember the details like where or when it happened, but she remembers some glycoproteins at the crime scene. unidentified mucus. and since he recently went through all the files, maybe he could help…. her face is desperate.

“well, i don’t have a great memory for mucus, but i’ll be happy to look”, says special agent john doggett, a deeply serious man.

he asks for any more info… but the scary bus goes by so she can’t hear him!! once he finds it, could he please fax it over to the local sheriff’s office? <- FAX! how truly vintage.

she watches the bus… it makes a turn. and then gets in her car. YAY, SHE HAS A CAR, I MEAN I REALLY HOPED SO, but i didn't see it while she was sleuthing… and goes to get some gas. the station seems empty…

she calls out “hello?” and then honks the horn, which nearly made me jump, LMAO. everything looks so hot. i am thirsty just watching this. she has her map and her green button up under a brown jacket and the world against her.

as she looks at the map… a man approaches. she wants to know where the road goes and also what happened to his hand. EEK, he cut it with his saw. she is gonna investigate his hand while asking about the murder.

AWW, she tells him to wash it out and put on some iodine “you sound like my mother” “yeah? well i also sound like a doctor” “medical doctor?” “yeah” <- aww… you can take the doctor into the desert and she is gonna find someone to heal up.

she asks for some gas, and he says he doesn’t have any. she says she’ll be fine- she has a quarter tank- but he runs around the back to get something, which she thanks him for. aww, scully making polite small talk...

she still cannot figure out this map. it must be wrong, because she knows how to navigate stuff.

he comes back with some gas and she says thank youuuu!!! and btw, where tf are we? he says we’re not really a town… just a few like-minded people trying to keep the modern world at bay. tf does THAT mean? is he evil? is he putting diesel in her car to make it break down?

maybe not, at least on the disesel front, because she takes off. while gas guy goes inside and finds the bus driver AND THE HITCHHIKER?? and declares that help is coming. the hitchhiker is writhing in bed. is he going to get her to come back somehow and heal him! but what are they even doing to him?!

nooo!!! her engine starts to sputter. so she walks back. “you put something in my tank that killed my engine” <- GET HIM! does she have all of her stuff though? or is she here with just her jacket!!

and she wants to see the gas can, so don’t even try to play dumb. she pours it into her hand… smells it… and declares it to be WATER! he pretends he didn’t know that. “it must have gotten rain in it” “oh, and it rains a lot here, does it?” <- LMAOOOO

she is soooo mad. all traces of earlier polite small talk scully have evaporated in the desert heat. he says he doesn’t have a phone. but there is one up the street. so she goes. opens the door. calls out hello. no response.

oh, one of the guys from the bus is here, and his name is milsap. he is all in shadow. leads her to a room. the phone line is dead. but he says it’ll come back on. in ten minutes… two hours… who knows when. she’s welcome to wait here. he can even give her a room!

“what the hell is going on here? i get the distinct impression that somebody doesn’t want me to leave” but he denies everything… even that a bus came through. her eyes are so blue. she is weirded tf out.

and she does not wanna walk those 20 miles. that hand on her abdomen… the deep sigh. i am doing a deep sigh of my own.

AWWW, she runs after someone else who hides from her :( there is a whole group of people in there ignoring her!!! WHAT IS GOING ON… she knocks on each door…. looks in the window…

while that creepy milsap guy stares at her. so. she accepts a room. cocks her gun. sits in bed with it in her hands. while people with lanterns approach!! so many people with lanterns!!!

this is so CREEEEEPY.

she falls asleep. someone wakes her up with a knock on the door, so she GRABS HER GUN AND HAS IT POINTED. WHEW!!!! do NOT mess with her- it will be the last thing you do. it’s milsap, and he calls her “doctor”, asking to speak with her. saying there is an emergency.

she opens the door. carefully. he claims a man downstairs needs help.

hitchhiker man is having a seizure, and she tells bus driver to stop holding him down. and she’s doing her doctory thing. huh, i guess if someone smells like acetone, that means they are hyperglycemic! who knew? she did, but i didn’t. they don’t know his name, which is suspicious… possibly he is epileptic and stopped taking meds.

BLEAUGH, his back is covered in blood. they claim they don’t know how that happened. they need to get him to a hospital NOW.

and she presumes correctly that the phone is still “not working” and no one has a car. DOGGETT, CAN YOU SEND A GUY DOWN…

milsap says they can send someone on foot to the state road. in the mean time, she asks for corn syrup.

DOGGETT IS CALLING THE UTAH SHERIFF'S DEPARTMENT SHE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE AT!! and they don’t know where she is!!! he asks them to send a car out. she called him yesterday somewhere north of sugarville. he says thank you. and then calls someone else. asks for her call to be traced.

scully still has no cell service while the bus driver asks if she is doing this right. well, raising his blood sugar could help if that is what is wrong with him, but they DO NOT KNOW. and unless you can get some diazepam or phenobarbital….

he starts to cough!! he says he feels okay and that he just needs rest. and he asks scully to stay. “thank you for, uh, helping me” “well, i’m not sure if i’ve actually done anything. in fact, i don’t even know, uh… i don’t even know what is going on with you right now” <- LMAOOOO, i respect the honesty, it just sounds very funny from her

he doesn’t even remember his name or how he got here. or who these people are. and she tells him she thinks they stranded her here to tend to him.

why would they do that? well, a guy was stoned to death nearby. perhaps upwards of a dozen people were involved based on the footprints… a group has to be tight-knit to murder together. a cult. like these people. “what are you, a detective?” <- well kinda!!

AUGH, SHE SQUEEZES HIS BACK WOUND with her BARE HANDS and he moans. and another bump comes up. and it is MOVING. while he writhes and writhes. OH SHE GOT HER PLIERS, I CANNOT LOOK AT THIS SHIT! LALALALALA… WHY IS IT MOVINGGGGG?? WHAT DID SHE PULL FROM HIM?? SHE IS LIKE STARING AT A CHUNK OF SOMETHING???

HELLLLLLLL NOOOOOO 😫😫😫😫😫

deep. breathing. NGDJSKDNSKS

nasty, nasty…. are they putting something in him that leeches out all his nutrients??

doggett is printing a missing persons poster… he wants to know if the local utah police are canvassing for scully!!! he is sending someone down there AND he will be arriving shortly himself!!! they need to look at this from the angle of the payphone she called from! only one call was placed other than hers, it was 4 days before she called, and it was a guy named hank… WHO IS THE HITCHHIKER ON THE MISSING POSTER!! he said he would be at his sister’s in 2 days and never showed.

scully is talking to a the guy we now know as hank. while the others praise god. and he asks what is wrong with him, telling the others to go. she slams the door in their faces.

a parasite is in his back!! it lives in his spine!!! something she has never seen before!! and she doesn’t know how to get it out!! she tells him that he will die if they cannot get it treated and that she thinks they put it in him. they killed the last person in his position and she is scared they’ll kill him too. she wants to get them out of here. so she opens a window to go investigate.

“you’re not gonna be gone long, right?” she pauses. asks if he knows how to use a gun. NOOO, DON’T LEAVE YOUR GUN!!! but this is exactly what she does. i’m not buying this guy isn’t somehow in on it.

milsap and bus driver knock on the door right as she leaves… and he tells them she says he is dying, “we need another swap” <- what does THAT MEAN?? so his ass WAS in on it?? and now he has her gun!!! NOOOO

doggett is here in utah with the sheriff and some fellows from the FBI. he hands the sheriff a photo of a wound… sheriff says that it is from the murder victim. but doggett says it is from a 1991 texas john doe!! and it happened again in arizona, and then new mexico, and then nevada! all victims had their brains beaten out and their bodies dumped in remote areas!

scully had him find the first case… the mucus one! which she found at the crime scene! the more remote, the better for these murders….

scully is breaking and entering back in town. she has a little flashlight and finds a camper van!! but will there be a key?! nooo!!! someone approaches her!!! what will she do??

the dark, the flashlight… getting flashbacks to the early seasons

it’s hank! with the same mobility aid as the first victim we saw, hobbling toward her!! but he is followed by the others!!! she is surrounded!! they all have lanterns… and they grab her… and she screams that the FBI is searching for her.

hank starts to say that her life will take a wonderful turn… that she will become a part of something greater than she is. “you’re going to be… so loved” “amen” they all chant

AND THEN THEY START BEAT HANK WITH ROCKS WHILE SHOUTING AMEN!!!! AND THEY PULL OUT THE WORM THING.

AND THEY’RE BRINGING IT TOWARDS HER SO SHE YELLS THAT SHE IS PREGNANT, BUT GIRL, IDK IF THE WORM PEOPLE ARE GONNA CARE ABOUT THAT???

OH GOD… I NEED A BREATHER.

if you could SEE my face right now… DOGGETT… WHERE ARE YOUUUUUUUUUU?

moral of the story: NEVER give a guy your gun 😭😭😭😭

they’re putting the worm thing in her BACK I THINK?? and she says she will kill all of them. but milsap says she will love us, protect us, teach us. that she’ll be one with him. “THAT THING IN MY SPINE IS A HIM?” <- lmao.

she is HOWLING and screaming, very convincingly for someone who has to act out the prompt "they're putting a worm in your back", which i imagine someone with less talent could fumble. lines like "that thing in my spine is a him?" do make you remember the inherent silliness of this TV show... but that is the only thing that feels silly right now. because this is very serious.

“that last man just wasn’t a suitable tabernacle”. milsap says they are taught not to be jealous, but they all are…. there is always the chance that her body won’t fail him. that he’ll be in her forever.

car approaches. doggett, please light this place up.

she screams for help, but they shut her up with a gag…..

and it is doggett!!! bus driver and milsap approach him. he shows them a missing poster of scully, who they deny seeing.

she is bound up. knocks a lamp with her foot. starts a fire. they keep denying it to doggett’s face. he starts to leave…. gets in his car…. but someone stamps out the fire she started.

where is he going….. he calls the sheriff. says he is getting a vibe. says to hurry. talked to a guy with a gun in his pocket, and that did not mean he was happy to see him. again. lmao. but only briefly.

she is screaming and groaning while the gas guy looks on… doggett comes in!!! knocks gas guy out!!! finds scully. who demands he get her the hell out of here.

he starts to carry her… she tells him to go to the camper van. gently sets her down. and he says he can certainly hotwire it.

she starts screaming, cut it out of me, cut it out of me now. but they're coming!!!!!! slamming their hands on the windows!!! while he’s trying to do it!!!!

they’re smashing the windows in!!! he gets the worm!!!!!! shoots that sucker!!! they’re all silent.

he wraps up scully in his jacket and carries her back to his car. they say nothing.

sirens approach. oh my god…..

so, a week later, she’s still in the hospital. packing up her things. bandage on her neck where he ripped the damn thing out. he knocks on the door. doggett asks if she is ready to go. grand jury convenes today, he says. the cult believe they worshiped christ and that thing was the second coming.

she says she is sorry for leaving him out. “it was, you screwed up” “and i won’t do it again” “i appreciate it”

she goes to grab her things... but he takes her bag before she can grab it. then follows him out.

oh my god….

the end.

well, that ending was pretty fascinating.

did she really not want to bother him and that is why she left him out of the case? was this about her confronting her vulnerability? the nasty facts of it? that you have to rely on a partner, even if it isn’t your soulmate?

or was she trying to keep him at arm’s length and do her own thing because she still doesn’t fully trust him? or do you think this was about reclaiming her autonomy and doing something on her own terms when so much is out of her control, and then it backfired?

god, her begging him to rip that thing out and then carrying her…. whew. WILDLY intense. again, she was selling it, which is a hard thing to do when you have to act like a parasite is in your spine. and i will admit that i barely looked as he got it out because i was gagging, but: noble agent doggett, ripping a worm out of his new partner's body, wrapping her up in his jacket, and carrying her bridal-style to safety... all performed silently... whew. there are LAYERS there, man.

do you think he went home for the week she was in the hospital? or do you think he stayed by her side? do you think he hated her a little bit for doing something so reckless? do you think he blamed himself?

how tf do you treat a person for a parasitic life form? i would assume a course of antibiotics... but can you even do that when you’re pregnant? maybe the thing was only in there for like a few hours so it didn’t mess with her system or the baby or anything *that* much, but like, holy fuck. her medical history is absolutely crazy, and that is a notable addition.

they kept her there for a week, so i assume doggett knows her secret now… and also, the creepy townspeople knew, and she likely had to testify about what happened anyway, which he might have read... he probably had his suspicions after the first time they kept her in the hospital for so long… oh my god, is she ever gonna, like. NOT put herself right in the face of danger? but in her defense, she really didn't know- she just went up to look at a body. there shouldn't have been any harm in that!

SIGH. she really wanted to help that hank fellow… but he was in on it. i mean, or was he? once it was in him, it seems like it takes over your brain, makes you do things in service of it. makes you think you’re anointed or something. even though he knew they were going to smash his brain open, he didn’t seem bothered, just truly excited for her opportunity to be next. and you know scully is always going to want to protect the innocent. it is in her DNA.

fuck. well. i don’t like this one, LMAO. don’t get me wrong!! it was a fine episode, i don’t have broader critiques about it mangling characters or whatnot... that was just TOOOO much for me. another case of the show where spooky things happen actually being a little TOO spooky for yours truly. i’m not looking forward to editing these notes tomorrow and rewatching it by proxy, so i might try to speed through them just so i don’t have to dwell on it.

NASTY. nasty.

fascinating things going on in scully and doggett’s brains, though. i wonder if she thought going down to utah and doing something on the side would distract her and keep her busy- make her days feel more purposeful as she waits for a lead on mulder. maybe she wanted to slight doggett. maybe she wanted something to be just hers. maybe she didn’t think about it at all and felt all these things subconsciously. she didn’t even tell him when she left… maybe she didn’t think it would be that long. either way, she is definitely in a lot of distress, so it’s not like she is in her normal state of mind. and it seemed like an easy enough thing to do… it makes me sad.

and poor doggett, too. i don’t think understanding scully will ever come easy to him. but he seems like he really wants to. she might be shutting him out purposefully, or perhaps not, but she is shutting him out either way, even when it seems like they’re getting closer, it must sting for both of them that he has to be mulder’s replacement, which stirs up all kinds of emotions… but finding her like that, listening to her howl in pain, and then cutting that thing out of her back...

and there is something really sick and twisted about them carrying each other's bloody and broken bodies to safety, but being unable to talk about anything other than work. something verrrrrry twisted there. and frankly, i am eating it up.

fuck. her having to tell her secret to someone she didn’t want to because it was her only chance of saving her life… sooo evil. that should be what she gets to share with her loved ones, not people trying to STICK A SPINE WORM IN HER. nasty. nasty. and in the end, they didn't even care!!

and we STILL haven't seen her mother... maybe they talked off-camera... well, i would have liked to see that... or maybe it is just coming later?

i wonder if she’ll be roughly 20% more cautious now. i wonder if the recklessness is a form of denial of her circumstances. i wonder if skinner would yell at her if he found out she slipped out to utah without telling anyone. ooo, tag me if you write that.

for now, i end my thoughts here, because i do not wish to dwell on spine worm any longer. it was a perfectly fine- nay, even a good episode! but: YUCKY.

#i woke up early to edit these notes because it was indeed pretty damn nasty and i didn't want to dwell on it LMAO #but now that i had the night to think on it the whole dynamic between doggett and scully is even more fascinating...#hopefully they can make progress in trusting each other and basic communication #and getting scully's perspective in this episode was such a treat. there is so much to gnaw on. unfortunately there is also the Worm.#and i could not look at the screen when it was on there. so that makes things difficult.#anyway! tell me all of your thoughts as i always ask you to do.#8x04 #txf #the x files #juni's x files liveblog

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totalperspectivevortexx · 20 days ago

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As promised my first Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy fan art from all the way back in 2020.

What I find most interesting about this is Arthur's lack of pajamas. I had only just finished the first book which makes no solid reference to what he's wearing. In retrospect, it's like realizing Humpty Dumpty never mentions an egg! It's such a staple of his character design and it's fun to think that in my first read through I was imagining him in this cute little sweater vest. Very nice outfit though and I like the yellow Guide.

As for Ford, he's a bit taller than I actually imagined him even then. It was just a limitation of my art skill at the time that making him lanky stretched him out more than I wanted. I really like his shoes. There's some really excellent shoe designs from this period of my art that are similar in style and I just love them. And they suit him well. I also like that I made his satchel look packed to indicate the towel inside.

I think Trillian is my favorite here. Her shirt makes me think of the original Lost in Space which is the first Sci-Fi thing I ever got into. I think that was intentional. I don't remember.

Marvin is very cute. I've definitely gotten better at drawing robots and I draw him a lot different now, but I like this simple design. He looks very depressed. Good job.

Zaphod, Zaphod, Zaphod. That is a normal outfit. Who even is this? All the pizzazz is held in his right head. His left head looks like it didn't get a single brain cell in the divorce. He's my favorite character now, but he wasn't then and I think he suffered for it.

#h2g2 #old art #the hitchhiker's guide to the galaxy #trillian astra #arthur dent #marvin the paranoid android #ford prefect #zaphod beeblebrox

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zel-shadedreviews · 1 month ago

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Well, this movie made quite the impact across the studio, receiving favourable reviews and earning an upcoming sequel after two mediocre holiday specials. Based on the book series by Aaron Blabey, the film managed to return the studio to its former glory, especially when they’re allowed to throw in their own spins across the adaptations.

Mr. Wolf and his team, the Bad Guys, are a well-known band of thieves, planning heists across events, where they plan to steal an award at the ceremony. However, Wolf saves an old lady from falling and is praised by his actions, where he begins to feel that what if a criminal like him could do good. The team end up captured, but Wolf convinces the guinea pig, Professor Marmalade, to help them reform. From there, the team attempt to start over a new leaf, while coming to grips with their statuses.

This went for a different approach towards the book series it was based on by allowing these characters to seek redemption rather than choose from the very start. The style that the makers aim for was a romp and that’s all I can describe it, really. From the trailer alone, I could tell that we’re headed for a fun time and that’s exactly what I had. After watching it twice, I am glad with the route that the makers went, where I wasn’t expecting a complex storyline. This rides the coattails of their previous movies like Shrek and Megamind, where the “villains” become so out of the general public, only to gain a newer outlook to life. In some cases, it attempted a balance between a villain redemption story and a family comedy, but it fell rather hard into the levels of predictability.

Its story alone followed a path of predictability, focusing more so on the thieves undergoing a programme, where after years of performing heists, one little good deed alters their images, before falling into the same mess all over again. To top it all up, there’s a twist villain that got in the way, framing the bad guys into their namesakes by the third act. While it’s another story similar to what we’ve had, I was fond of the ending, where it made some choices that you wouldn’t see. I can see the appeal of the band of thieves pretending to be nice only to feel kindness the more they proceed, but I was expecting more from the directions they went.

To mingle with their plot, they flurried the running time with plenty of jokes. Not all of them are bangers, where some had to elaborate on excited flatulence involving one character; most of their winners are delivered by the fast levels of talking from these characters and their banter or highly energetic tones when faced with problem after problem.

To really fill up the storyline, the animators went with a cell-shaded style, topped up with a highly-energised tone. This greatly assisted the moments when the titular team were readying themselves for a heist, each capturing their scenes with different frames, before upgrading the tone with a fantastic chase sequence. While folllwing the footsteps of animation-changing Spider-Verse, their main inspirations came from the Ocean’s trilogy and Lupin III, especially when the Wolf made those daring manoeuvres behind the wheel. You could tell that the animators were attempting to reference the hand-drawn techniques, mainly anime, which they succeeded; while there are some movies that replicated the cell-shaded style for the sake of it, this matched the romping atmosphere they were aiming for.

I was more than impressed by this display they went with, particularly when the characters could overly express themselves; the shark and the police officer especially were great examples of how unlimited they could be in terms of excelling their reactions. While the characters were moving around the same style, I was fond of the snake’s ability to utilise his tail for arm movements, while mounting a pair of fake limbs to pose as a human.

As for the characters, most of them fitted the storyline, starting with the Bad Guys themselves, a team of untrustworthy carnivores, who love nothing more than stealing anything worth a lot and engage in rollercoasters with the police. With Mr. Wolf as the leader, he acts as the straight-forward Everyman with a knack for pickpocketing and allowing a sharp-toothed grin to really get past the spectators. After referring to his species as the main villain across fairy tales, he lives up to the trope, scaring anybody with his appearance alone. It’s only until their latest heist where his eyes open to a fresh perspective of feeling nice after helping an elderly lady; upon meeting the key to help themselves for the sake of avoiding prison, Wolf begins his road to redemption. While putting on a friendlier face was for a show, Wolf soon develops feelings for the mayor, deciding to turn his whole life around. Sam Rockwell was the right choice to give this sly character a voice matching his mannerisms, while toning it down to his newly-discovered ethical perspectives.

To counteract Wolf’s development was his best friend, Snake, the pessimistic serpent with a knack for safe-cracking; he stands as the complete opposite of Wolf’s arc, choosing the life of crime from his past, while feeling the life of being the Bad Guy is more befitting. They share the typical dynamic of the polar opposites with differing demeanours, but you can tell that they share a rather healthy relationship as partners-in-crime. Their relationship alone is one of the greatest aspects throughout where I actually felt that they overshadow the rest of the characters. With the talents of Marc Maron, he was able to capture the down-to-earth cynicism, which rubs off on the conflict by the ending point.

As for the other Bad Guys, they’re sufficient enough and keep the gang running with their individual talents, along with solid voice performances: you have Shark, an overly emotional and ecstatic master of disguise, high-pitched tone captured by Craig Robinson; the unpredictable Piranha by Anthony Ramos; then, there’s Webs Tarantula, the sassy hacker, vocals by Awkwafina, which I wondered if she was the first choice due to little to no connection besides the demeanour. All of them progressed the style this movie went for, but weren’t to the point where they were as developed as Wolf and Snake. While Shark was a blast to watch, I felt that Piranha could have been rewritten and Tarantula didn’t exactly contain any depth, mainly involved by the end by becoming the mayor’s new tagalong.

I was more hoping that they could have replicated a scene from the books where Shark was scared of Tarantula, only to hear from the other’s perspective on fear.

To authorise his ticket to redemption was Diane Foxington, the city’s mayor, who begins to see his need to change his ways due to a personal secret involving her past life. In a way, I felt what they were going to do with her by starting a predictable yet decent chemistry between the two, only to discover that she had a life similar to Wolf’s, only revealing by the third act’s climax. You do have Zazie Beetz delivering a professional and yet heartfelt performance, but nothing really stood out to me.

The real bad guy within this turns out to be Professor Marmalade, the diabolical hamster who wishes to frame the crime animals while stealing back his own charity donations. In no other way, Marmalade does plummet rather hard into the twist villain category, though it’s his influence that managed to decipher Wolf into the person he attempted to become. His goal wasn’t particularly interesting, standing in as the little girl coming off as the antagonistic greed behind closed doors, but what saved this was the voice by Richard Ayoade; his talents managed to foreshadow the villain’s plans with suppressed rage filled within desperate determination.

Since this world bares humans and animals co-existing, similar to the veins as Cats Don’t Dance, it features two occurring human beings making their mark in the conflicts. You have Misty Luggins the police chief, baring an urge to capture the Bad Guys that’s as large as her prone to anger, while the news reporter, Tiffany Fluffit, overstates the delivery of the story’s news.

So, all-in-all, this was a fairly good movie by DreamWorks and that’s all I can label it as such; I’m happy that the studio decided to lean back and deliver us a good romp for us to enjoy, even if it’s not perfect all the way through. There’s a sequel due to be released next year and I wonder if it’ll take them half the movie until they fall into the same category.

After all, they’re not the Bad Guys for nothing.

Final Rating: C

7/10

#zelshadedreviews #dreamworks animation #dreamworks marathon #the bad guys #the bad guys review

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oddyseye · 2 months ago

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Okay I genuinely mean this with full curiosity, no malice whatsoever (gotta state this bc I’m bad with tone), but why do you like Paris so much? I haven’t read the Iliad or the Odyssey yet (trying to find a good translation so if you got recs 👀) but I saw some of the post on your page and I was just genuinely curious and you seem well versed in this

Valid question, considering Paris gets absolutely dogpiled in, like, every retelling. People act like he kicked a baby and spat on a shrine.

So first: why do I like Paris?

Because no one else does. Because he's the scapegoat. Because every war needs a villain and this poor man was a herdsman when they found him.

People love to treat Paris like the villain of the Trojan War. Like he single-handedly destroyed Troy with his evil seduction powers or something. But like...Hera, Athena, and Aphrodite literally dangled the entire cosmos in front of him and told him to pick one of them. And he picked Aphrodite because, shocker, he's like twenty and dumb and thought love sounded nice.

I am also very soft for Paris in Lucian's Dialogues of the Gods because he's so stupid dumb and himbo-coded. Like. This man said "why am I not all eyes like Argus" with his whole chest. He's panicking. He's flailing like a baby deer. I'm obsessed. He's out here comparing goddesses to goats and heifers like he's judging livestock at the county fair and somehow still sounds poetic. This is the most divine himbo energy I've ever witnessed. 10/10 I would also fight a war for him.

Here are my favorite parts:

PARIS: As for me, I can tell you which of two goats is the fairer beast; or I can judge betwixt heifer and heifer;—’tis my trade.

ICONIC. LEGEND. I would trust him with my drink and also my life. He's got two brain cells and both are holding hands and crying. I LOVE HIM.

PARIS: I bathe in beauty: I am enthralled: ah, why am I not all eyes like Argus?

😭😭 This boy read one (1) myth once and was like that's the reference I'm gonna pull right now!

APHRODITE: But you have heard of Helen, of course? PARIS: No, ma'am; but I should like to hear all about her now.

PARIS: What, when she is married already? APHRODITE: Tut, child, you are a simpleton: I understand these things.

PARIS: But that is what I cannot believe,—that she will forsake her husband to cross the seas with a stranger, a barbarian.

Hermes is right, he is a charming young man. Stupid as a bag of rocks but charming.

I also like him because his name, Paris (Πάρις), probably comes from the Luwian Parizitis, meaning "son of a noble", or it might relate to the Greek verb paríēmi—"to let go" or "to allow to fall". And that slaps, because that's exactly what he does: he lets the world fall into war, he lets Troy fall, he himself falls. He's literally a name made of ruin. Tell me that's not poetic? And his epithet, Ἀλέξανδρος (Alexander), means "defender of men", which he got by (according to Apollodorus) fighting robbers and defending the flocks during his time as a literal nobody:

When he grew to be a young man, Paris excelled many in beauty and strength, and was afterwards surnamed Alexander, because he repelled robbers and defended the flocks.

Not to mention, he is so damn susceptible to what everyone around him says. Like, his spine? Made of wet pasta. He is consistently written as someone who just folds. All the time. The man is soft-spined in everything except Helen.

Literally, in Iliad Book 3, after being shamed by Hector, he's like "yeah okay fine I'll duel Menelaus", even though minutes earlier he was strutting around like a peacock. And when Aphrodite tells him to get his ass back to the bedroom? He goes. No resistance. Or like, in Book 6 of The Iliad, Hector's back again with the emotional warfare, saying he wishes Paris had never been born. And Paris just shrugs it off and goes, "fair point tbh", then offers to catch up later. Man doesn't even defend himself. He is like…famously compliant, again in all but giving up Helen, who represents his entire delusional worldview.

In every source (Homer, the tragedians, even in later retellings) Paris is almost always described as going along with what others tell him to do. Hector yells at him? He sulks and then goes back into battle. Priam says "stop being dramatic" and Paris is like "oh okay, fair". Aphrodite demands he go claim his prize and he literally teleports. He doesn't resist the gods, he doesn't argue with his father, he doesn't challenge the warriors who call him a coward.

Except when it comes to giving Helen back. That's the one moment Paris becomes immovable.

Everyone's like "Dude, please, just return the woman and we can stop this apocalyptic 10-year bloodbath", and he's like "Actually no 🙂." Which is rich considering he did kidnap her (like yeah, I acknowledge that; man saw a goddess-made opportunity and took it, no questions asked).

So like. He's impressionable when it serves the narrative, until the one time his stubbornness absolutely dooms everyone. Iconic. He folds under pressure but refuses to bend when it actually matters. Paris is the softest marshmallow in the bag...until you try to take Helen out of his sticky little hands. Then he's granite.

Paris is the only one of the Trojan princes who's not a soldier by instinct, and that is so interesting. He isn't an ideal hero, and that's what makes him stand out. The Iliad is full of men trying to be the perfect warrior. Also: he has a bow. A ranged weapon. And every time a Greek author wants to shade a guy, they give him a bow instead of a spear. Because bows are "cowardly", aka not up-close, aka not "manly". And Paris leans into it. He's not trying to be Achilles. He's not pretending to be someone he's not. The dude feels things. A lot. Like, everything. He's a man of extremes, and honestly, that's relatable. He has no problem feeling guilty, regretful, ashamed, or even afraid to fight. A lot of the heroes in the Iliad are obsessed with honor and reputation, but Paris isn't that into it. He cares, but it doesn't override his humanity. He is aware of his own fragility and mortality in a way that I think is overlooked in a lot of other characters.

Then, Oenone. Paris' first love.

She was a nymph, a healer, and, most importantly, the woman Paris could have had a whole other life with. But Paris is caught in this web of fate, desire, and, like, divine bullshit (we all know how the gods love to mess things up). He leaves Oenone behind to go after Helen—because, you know, she's the face that launched a thousand ships and all that—only to return, years later, wounded and dying, looking for help. She refuses. Tragic flower twink dies. She regrets it and kills herself either by hanging or throwing herself onto his pyre.

Into Oenone's presence thus he came. Amazed her thronging handmaids looked on him as at the Nymph's feet that pale suppliant fell faint with the anguish of his wound, whose pangs stabbed him through brain and heart, yea, quivered through his very bones, for that fierce venom crawled through all his inwards with corrupting fangs; and his life fainted in him agony-thrilled. As one with sickness and tormenting thirst consumed, lies parched, with heart quick-shuddering, with liver seething as in flame, the soul, scarce conscious, fluttering at his burning lips, longing for life, for water longing sore; so was his breast one fire of torturing pain. Then in exceeding feebleness he spake: "O reverenced wife, turn not from me in hate for that I left thee widowed long ago! Not of my will I did it: the strong Fates dragged me to Helen -- oh that I had died ere I embraced her -- in thine arms had died! […] My queen, I sinned, in folly sinned; yet from death save me -- oh, make haste to save!"

Of these things with her handmaids did the Queen of Heaven hold converse, and of many such, but Paris, while they talked, gave up the ghost on Ida: never Helen saw him more. Loud wailed the Nymphs around him; for they still remembered how their nursling wont to lisp his childish prattle, compassed with their smiles. And with them mourned the neatherds light of foot, sorrowful-hearted; moaned the mountain-glens.

I love how Quintus contrasts Oenone's initial rejection of healing Paris with the Nymphs' mourning. The Nymphs are still holding onto the memory of the boy they raised, the one who had so much promise, before the weight of the world was on his shoulders. There's this sadness in their grief that transcends just death. It's as if they're mourning the man he could've been, the potential lost, the carefree boy who is now gone. And that's what makes it feel even more tragic: Paris, for all his arrogance and his mistakes, had so much more ahead of him. But now, here he is, alone, fading away on the mountain he once called home, surrounded by nothing but memories of a simpler time.

Once, while [Paris] was tending his cattle on Mount Ida, the young shepherd fell in love with the nymph Oenone, daughter of the river god Cebren. This girl was possessed by a divinity, and some say that it was Rhea who taught her the art of prophecy, but herself she says that it was Apollo. In any case, as the rumour went, she was able to foretell the future, and also obtained renown for being a woman of wisdom and understanding. Paris took Oenone to Mount Ida, where he had his home, and being very much in love with her, promised her continuously, as lovers often do, that he would never desert her. But almost everybody knew Paris' deeds before Paris himself, and so Oenone, though acknowledging that he for the moment was profoundly in love with her, said that she knew that one day he would fall in love with an European woman, whom he would bring back with him, carrying with her all the horrors of war. And to this disappointing picture, she added that he was to be wounded in that war, and that nobody would be able to cure his wound except herself, who was well acquainted with the Phrygian forests and its healing herbs. This nymph, who loved Paris when he still was a poor shepherd (for at the time it was not known that he was a Trojan prince) never accepted, though she foretold it, that this young man, who had gone around writing "Oenone" with his blade in the trunks of the trees, could endure to desert her.

What if I killed myself?

Uhh there probably is a lot, lot, LOTTTT more, but I'm very sleepy so...I'll leave it at this.

Oh, right, you asked for translations:

https://www.tumblr.com/oddyseye/770937867408162816/heya-im-thinking-about-reading-the-odyssey-but?source=share

https://www.tumblr.com/oddyseye/771148864576241664/what-are-your-thoughts-on-samuel-butlers?source=share

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