#extremely intelligent? yes. a fucking disaster? also yes

[ruthlesslistener]

The one major downside to Destiny 2 is that everytime I want to make a new character its a fucking chore. No I don't want to do the million hour tutorial that is useless to me all over again I just wanna make my new oc idea a thing and start fucking around with other classes already

[1moreoffkeyanthem]

Another OJV friendship that is my fav is Kenny and Kyle, I was wondering if you wanted to talk about them because I live for your Headcannons and tumblr extras 🤓

I ALSO live for the headcanons and tumblr extras and OK ORANGEJUICEVERSE KENNY AND KYLE LETS GOOOOOO!!!

So like, Kenny is EASILY styles closest friend other than each other. And OJV Ken is pretty much everyone’s go-to, like Stan running to him when he feels like he fucked up, Marj and Cartman knowing Kenny’s down with a scheme, but it’s a little different with Kyle.

Kyle is 100% the mom friend of the group. And the WHOLE REASON he’s like that with everybody is because growing up, he was the one to jump in as the voice of reason (especially when the Disaster Duo gets goin) and always took care of his people. And who needs taken care of the most? Kenny.

Kyle is CONSTANTLY scolding him for not taking care of himself, doing crazy shit, yes he’s amused by a lot of the antics, but when the logic takes the forefront, he’s all Sheila mode “DR PEPPER DOESNT COUNT AS WATER ESPECIALLY IF YOURE GOING TO A BLOOD DRIVE” “aw it’s fine Ky I got it covered” “no,” *throws a water bottle at him* “I’ve got YOU covered”

Kyle’s super supportive of Kenny’s career, too. That’s not only his bestie but also his metaphorical son. He is SO hyping up every new painting and sculpture, the first person Ken shows new work to bc not only is it gonna be a confidence boost, but Kyle will also have suggestions when he’s stuck.

Kenny, our darling chaotic comic relief friend who hides his own issues behind a grin and a joke and a guardian angel complex, is VERY protective of Kyle. Nearly as much as Stan is. OJV Kenny is a LITTLE GUY, even shorter than Kyle is, but he’s POWERFUL and has every creative solution to get the gang out of a bind, and he’s really friendly with everyone he meets, and people automatically open up to him. On top of that, he is REALLY good at reading people. Kenny’s super perceptive. He sees when someone in his found family has something going on, even before they say something. Ken was the first to be suspicious of what was going on with Ky in high school, brought it up to Stan, who said “I know dude. He’s stressed as shit but I don’t want to piss him off by telling him to relax”, like Kenny does people EXPERTLY; at 14 he knew it wasn’t his place to stage an ed intervention and knew he had to wait for Kyle to hit the point where he either hit rock bottom or came forward on his own.

On the note of Kenny’s emotional intelligence, I mean, come on. Artists in particular see creative solutions to problems, read the energy around us. And Kenny… oh my GOD that boy is a force to be reckoned with in strategy. Which is WHY he and Kyle are BANNED from teaming up in any game. They’re too powerful together. Poker? Fuckin forget about it those two are DESTROYING EVERYONE they are way too smart and between Kyle’s own abundant perceptiveness and Kenny’s people skills they’re not fucking around lmfao. I also find it extremely iconic that while both Ken and Stan are super smart, you put them together and they are sharing a singular brain cell, doing the dumbest shit, and Kyle is RIGHT THERE telling them off for it.

Kenny is so so incredibly thoughtful though too. He is absolutely the person you want to go to if you need a shoulder to cry on, and Kyle, who is the other person in the gang who gets relied on emotionally a lot, does go to him.

Thank u for the ask man live laugh love orange juice

[the-bi-space-ace]

Daniel Jackson & Why Stargate SG-1 is the Best Show in the World

Here we go again. Listen, my obsession with this show knows no bounds and I’m going to simply have to take you through my thoughts on every character. 

Strap in. It gets long.

Daniel Jackson. Linguist and ancient aliens believer (Daniel. It really is your worst quality. Even worse that YOU WERE RIGHT HOLY MOLY) and he figured out how to dial the Stargate and get it to work. A character known for his intelligence and empathy, his moral compass and being petty as fuck. A man who pushes those around him to be better people, and to think outside of themselves. Also he has allergies which plays into a very cute intro to his character in the show where Jack literally tosses a tissue box into the Stargate to make contact with Jackson. Let’s get into it. 

We open season one with the SGC traveling back to Abydos where they left Daniel Jackson in the og movie after disaster struck (that disaster you may ask??? ….. I have no clue I haven’t watched it yet BUT I DIGRESS). There’s a problem. Aliens came through the Stargate and took one of their own. They need to talk to Daniel, to the Abydonians, and what follows is unfortunate. 

You see, they defeated Ra in the movie, a parasite pretending to be a god, and thought they were done with this villain. Unfortunately they’re facing a new one, same shit different name: Apophis - brother of Ra. And it turns out they aren’t finished with stealing and enslaving people. Now, the genre of villain they’re against is swift, cunning, technologically advanced, and ruthless. The Goa’uld. They attack Abydos and take a young boy named Skaara and Sha’re, Daniel’s wife, captive along with the SG team member. 

Ugh. Sha’re. Daniel is so sweet to her. They’re so clearly in love. Daniel Jackson has my favorite quality in a man which is that one of his primary personality traits is that he loves his wife. Ugh. It kills me that the Goa’uld took her away and he spends the next few years desperately tracking her down. The Goa’uld end up possessing both Sha’re and Skaara and it leads to Daniel Jackson rejoining the SGC and joining Jack O’Neill and Sam in SG-1. 

It’s important to note a few things about Daniel here that inform me about why he is the way that he is. He was orphaned as a child, he lost his wife whom he loved very much, and he is extremely empathetic. He basically imprints on every being he comes across that doesn’t have a family and that kills me. He’s desperate for connection and he tries to understand the motives and meaning behind everything. He cares about people. He cares about culture. He cares about respecting things you don’t understand. 

While we’re on the subject of imprinting, let's talk about Daniel and his friendships. We’ll start with Sam and Daniel. True science besties. I love every interaction between these two. It's like they found their platonic soulmate that they’ve spent their lives looking for. They info dump with each other, bask in each other’s intelligence and value it even when they have zero clue what the other is on about. Their friendship is pure and quick and beautiful and I can’t talk about Daniel without touching on how he quickly latches onto his friends and makes them important and how it makes his life fuller to have them. He does the same with Jack. They clearly care deeply for each other and Daniel finds a safe space in Jack. A space where he can push and be angry and ask questions and share how he feels and never receive rejection from Jack. Yes, they fight and argue and disagree but it is (typically) a safe disagreement where they’ll mend anything they hurt. Then there’s Teal’c. Teal’c, the man who is… kind of responsible for taking Sha’re from him. A man that Daniel wants to hate but can’t. Because Teal’c is a changed man. A man who had little choice. A man who Daniel has come to recognize as a friend and ally. This. This is big for Daniel. 

Imagine. Your wife is taken from you. The man responsible for choosing her to take is now saying he is going to help you defeat your enemies. He lives on earth with you. He is treated as an honorable man and warrior. He is part of your team. Your everyday life. And you forgive him. You forgive because it’s the right thing. You forgive because you know it’s not his fault. You forgive because your heart is big enough to do so. To not assign blame where it’s unfair. That is Daniel Jackson. That is who he is. And fuck do I admire this in him. If it were my partner taken, life stolen from them, parasites taken over their body and using them to harm people. If I had to look at the man who chose her every day I might not be so forgiving. I might not have it in me to see a difference. This quality is something I admire because it is something that would be excruciating for me. 

Speaking of excruciating things: watching Daniel’s face when someone he loves is in danger is like getting stabbed through the heart. One of the moments that sticks out in my mind is when Jack and Teal’c are trapped on a submarine that is being overrun by Replicators. Their only hope at not letting these bastards take over the earth is to blow it up, with both of them on it. Jack tells them to prepare to do it and Daniel is immediately against it. Jack takes his helmet off so he can hold the camera up so Daniel can see his face, can talk directly to him, and tells him to do it. When Daniel, in desperation, pushes again Jack reiterates that he does not want to die by the replicators. He doesn’t want his life to be over that way. Daniel has to let him and Teal’c go. Daniel eventually gives in but he refuses to look away while two of his friends die. (Spoiler alert is that they get saved at the last minute, thank fuck.) 

We watch this despair each and every time one of his loved ones is in danger. We watch his expression, his heartbreak, his feelings of powerlessness. He’s desperately done everything he can to keep them safe. Daniel is not a soldier. He is an academic. He doesn’t have the training that the rest of them do. He hasn’t been taught how to handle battlefields and death and loss like they have. Watching his friends get hurt or die is so devastating for him. They are his family. Losing them is like losing everything he has left, especially since losing Sha’re and leaving everyone on Abydos. His heart holds all of them so dear. 

We know he values his friendships, but what about the times he makes friends with beings from other planets? One of my favorite times is with an Unas who kidnaps him to sacrifice him. Now, Daniel spends a lot of time trying to communicate with this Unas. He shares food with him, talks, they play games. All while he’s being dragged through the wilderness to be slaughtered. He starts to understand the Unas, to learn that he has a connection with this one. Eventually this connection is what saves him in the end. Daniel even goes on a rescue mission to save this Unas when he gets captured in a later season. 

Then we have Reese. Oh, Reese. I liked her. She was an android responsible for creating the Replicators, a dangerous villain in later seasons of SG-1. Daniel spends time bonding with her, learning about her, and figuring out why she made the Replicators. She was lonely. She spent her life being told she was ‘made wrong’ and that she needed to be ‘fixed’. She was sad and emotionally uncontrolled. I’m about to be annoying about this but this is why Daniel bonds so well with her. She was lonely. She wanted friends. She wanted kinship. Daniel so desperately wants these things. He’s so lonely, has been since childhood. He sees himself in her. And when she dies he’s heartbroken. It’s the first time you hear him cuss at Jack, a line that will live in my head forever: You stupid son of a bitch. Now, Jack isn’t stupid. Daniel knows this. Daniel is angry. But Jack was just trying to protect him, doing the thing he does to show his love, and it was rejected. This moment stings. It stings because of the context. It stings because of when it happens. It stings because of what happens only a few episodes later. 

Daniel dies. Daniel dies because of his empathy and action. He dies protecting people. He dies. And it’s heartbreaking. Watching everyone say goodbye to him is one of the most tear-inducing moments so far. (I cried for… a long time.) Teal’c honors him in a way culturally significant to him with tears in his eyes. A man that is usually stoic and a strong silent type letting himself mourn a friend he’s grown to love. Sam cries and reminds him that she loves him and she wishes she could do more for him. He can’t even respond to her at that point but she sits with him and takes in what little time they have left. And Jack, well, he makes a joke. He tries to be serious about it but it’s too uncomfortably close to talking outright about his feelings so he makes some joke about how Daniel has been a pain in his ass for five years and despite all of that he has grown to admire the man that Daniel has become. It’s so painfully Jack O’Neill that it’s charming and gets Daniel to smile. (CAVEAT Daniel is not like… dead dead… I’ve been informed that he returns and my sadness over it is only temporary since the character will be back soon… and yet I still cried for over an hour over him.) 

The worst part is that there is a chance for him to be saved. But he stops them so he can ‘ascend’ and ‘do more’. And how does he stop them? Well, he talks to the one person he knows will respect his decision, the one person he knows will let him go, the one person he knows he can trust to have the responsibility to take care of it. Jack. He tells Jack to let him go, to make them stop, to let Daniel move on. And Jack, despondent and unhappy as he is to do it, does. It is horrible to watch. Daniel standing in front of Jack, crying, telling him he’ll miss everyone while Jack says ‘yeah. Me too.’ and lets Daniel go. Ugh. It kills me. He says at some point during the episode that his life is worth no more than anyone else’s. That he hasn’t done much. He’s not done enough to help. Oh boy. He’s so wrong. He’s so unbelievably wrong it hurts. He’s an idiot. Not enough? Daniel, sweetie, you’ve given your life to this. You’ve saved civilizations, saved earth, saved Skaara, what more do you need to know that you have done miraculous things? His low self esteem hurts me here. He doesn’t believe he’s done good, that he is good. How does a man who has given his life to this cause think so little of himself? Well, I think it stems back to his parents. 

Goodness. I believe his parents loved him more than the moon and all the stars. I believe they raised that boy with attention and affection and love and care and it is a damn shame that they died. It’s a damn shame they died at the same time. It’s bullshit that Daniel watched it. He watched both of his parents die when he was around 10-12 years old. He became an orphan in an instant. He went from two loving parents to the foster system in seconds. Now, he didn’t have to go to the system. He had a grandfather that could have adopted him but the man didn’t. He had a career more important than Daniel. I wouldn’t make the same choice if it were me. Hell, this little baby lost everything in a day and he needed someone. He needed love. He needed a home that was familiar. And instead of taking on the responsibility, instead of working through his anger and helping him cope you left him. My sympathies lie with Daniel here because I love him so deeply so I get angry when I think about little Daniel having a family member that could take him and instead being given up because of… what? A career? Some things are more important. (Sidenote that I am not condemning people for prioritizing themselves instead of having children… I am not ever going to have children and that is completely of my own free will and choice and wants and needs. What I am saying is that Daniel’s grandfather chose to leave him for the sake of himself and I think this rejection is where Daniel’s low self esteem comes from.)

His grandfather’s rejection is the start in a long line of rejections. Rejection from his peers, rejection from superiors, rejection from society. He finally finds somewhere he feels he belongs (Abydos) and that is gone too. In the blink of an eye. He thinks he isn’t good enough. And I think that blows. (Another side note that I think Daniel has at least ADHD if not also Autism and since I have both of those things I get really fiery about Daniel so… I’M BIASED OKAY.) He spends the rest of his life searching for connection, community, love. Hell, he even tries to infodump to Jack in episode one and faces yet another rejection of his skills and interests and I can’t help but feel like that hurts. Now, Jack does this song and dance often throughout the show with Daniel but it starts to feel more like they’re purposefully winding each other up and not like Jack is trying to hurt him. But… a different post for a different day. 

Now, I won’t lie. I am super drawn to characters like this. I had a huge crush on Milo from Atlantis as a kid and Daniel is very very close to that character in a lot of ways. The floppy hair, the glasses, the nerdiness, the excitable way he talks. So… I’m a little biased… but this character… this character rules. He’s sweet and kind and sometimes so petty it makes me laugh. He’s funny and charming and GOSH I JUST LOVE HIM OKAY. HE’S STUPID CUTE IT MAKES ME MAD. But. He has flaws. Flaws that make me like him even more but flaws nonetheless. He can be one track minded. He takes things into his own hands and puts himself in danger and puts his team in uncomfortable positions because of it. He lets his emotions get the better of him. He compartmentalizes by throwing his all into things like working and solving something. He’s a great man. But he’s confused and scared and has such low self-esteem it hurts. 

His flaws are on full display when he puts himself in immediate danger to stop Jack from destroying a ship that is about to wipe out a civilization that they helped get a new home for. Daniel has talked to this person, knows that he can prevent two civilizations from being destroyed, but Jack is focused on helping the one they’ve already connected with. Daniel disobeys Jack’s order. He puts himself in the path of an explosive in order to convince the other person to cease unintentionally destroying the planet in order to find another solution. While Daniel does succeed and it is the right thing he still puts Jack in a situation where he has to choose to sacrifice Daniel if he is to complete their mission and save a whole group of people. It isn’t fair. It hurts Jack, pisses him off, but Daniel isn’t putting that piece of it as his top priority. He’s putting saving two whole civilizations of history, art, and passion as his top priority. He doesn’t think past the consequences of what he’s doing. 

Another case like this is in season one, The Torment of Tantalus, where they find a device that contains information well beyond our wildest dreams. ‘Meaning of life stuff’ as he likes to say. He values this preservation of history and knowledge. Even more than his own life. His one track mindedness here almost gets him killed. Jack begs him to go, tries to force him, but Daniel refuses and again forces Jack to make the choice to leave him behind and get everyone else to safety. Now, Daniel does end up following and getting out of there but it does take him a little bit of time to come to the conclusion that he does have to leave. He can’t just give up his life to stay behind on a planet about to be destroyed by a storm. 

I want to touch on his pettiness for a moment because it is damn entertaining to watch him get… petulant for lack of a better word. I have never seen a man more willing to mouth off to high ranking government officials or question his bosses or down right taunt someone holding him captive. He will say some stupid joke in the driest tone I’ve ever heard and all I’m thinking is: yep this is the day he gets punched in the face. This is it. They’re going to do it. This man does not know when to shut up. My dear, sweet boy sometimes you have to SHUT UP!!! Self preservation, Daniel! Ever heard of it?!?! By far the best part of his pettiness is the looks him and Sam share when someone says something stupid. Some high ranking officer saying something stupid or derogatory? Sam and Daniel are sharing a ‘do you hear this guy?’ look. Someone being a bit too mouthy for their liking? They’re side-eyeing each other. They are true best friends. Having silent conversations with one another while everyone else in the room argues. I love their very first meeting. Sam geeking out over the dialing device while Daniel watches her like ‘who is this and why is she literally the most amazing person I’ve ever met’. Them interacting that whole first episode is just the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen. They are best friends, your honor. I cherish them.

Daniel, above all, is the definition of what it means to have a found family. His was taken from him and he spends his life finding a family again. The great thing is that he does find it. He finds it and he holds on so tight. I’m still working through the seasons of Stargate but Daniel is an interesting and beautiful character. He’s traumatized and sad but he’s also wonderfully complex and still learning. 

If you haven’t watched Stargate consider this: the found family trope runs rampant here. There’s plenty of content to watch, plenty of relationships to explore, and plenty of things to be said about this show. Plus, you could write some damn good fic about it if you wanted to :)

[gaykarstaagforever]

My YouTube Rewind Top 10 for 2022, based generally on time "viewed" (Starting 7 months ago, I drive for a living now, so "Can I just listen to it?" is weighted very heavily here).

(Also I am 40 so this is a very Dad Content list. Which is weird because I am not a dad and do not follow the sportsball. But Dadness still infiltrated things a bit. There are no golf or sportstalk channels, don't worry. Not yet, anyway.)

1. The Weekly Planet -- Generalist nerd media podcast out of Melbourne, Australia. Hands down the only good podcast on the entire Internet. Their Best Of compilations from years past are required listening and relistening. Also they do a short weekly show about movies and TV shows called Caravan of Garbage that is the bar by which all others are judged, and always come up short.

2. DankPods -- Sydney, Australian, retro mp3 player channel that has now expanded into general audio hardware reviews. But oh, so much more is going on here. This guy is one of the funniest, most energetic creators on the platform. Even if you don't care about anything he is interested in, you will love watching him talk (and scream) about it. Co-starring Frank the Snake. He also has two side channels about fixing up trashed Australian cars and drumming (he is a drummer by trade) that are just as good.

3. That Chapter -- True crime with a sense of humor, that is only occasionally mean-spirited. But even in those cases it is usually in the service of bad Dad Jokes so that's okay. He always tries to include actual 911 calls and trial footage, 20+ minutes, here is what happened, in a straightforward way that respects your intelligence. None of that "creating a narrative" horseshit that make true crime podcasts by actual journalists un-fucking-bearable 10 hour slogs that pretend they are saying something profound about the universe by the end. They're not. Stop paying 8 people to produce these; maybe then you wouldn't have to shill for whatever criminally-overpriced nonsense Peloton just invented. True crime podcasts suck, That Chapter is why.

4. Morbid Midnight -- He covers what I can only call "disasters," some true crime, others extreme sports accidents, also plenty of generally horrendous historical events. Lots of stories about people being blown off of mountain sides or getting trapped in caves. His subdued delivery of dark content is like what Chills pulled off, back before it became a meme and a parody of itself. I don't know why I like hearing about adventurous people dying horribly. Probably because I can then feel smug about how I wasn't so stupid as to dive into a cave like a big stupid idiot, you idiots. You shouldn't have been doing that. You should just get drunk and watch YouTube like me. See? They're the losers, not me.

5. Professor of Rock -- Oh god, the Dad. This is a daily upload channel in which Adam Reader, the Professor of Rock, talks about Dad Rock, and how great Dad Rock is, and how modern not-Dad Rock sucks. Tons of classic rock trivia, and also snippets of long-form interviews with the artists who made this stuff. This is the channel you are forced to admit is good and you like while simultaneously being embarrassed about how old that makes you look. But that's not Adam's fault. Seriously, a good channel for music nerds.

6. Cathode Ray Dude [CRD] -- He started doing short-form videos about the old camcorders he collected. He now does long videos about fascinating and obscure cul de sacs in tech history, routinely with live demonstrations of said tech. And yes, he almost always ends up explaining how this wonky failed media format can actually be a metaphor for our sad, short little lives. Which would be forced journo bullshit. Except it always ends up forcing me to respect the legions of unsung engineers and desperate marketing executives who had a hand in creating our modern technocratic world, even if only by failing spectacularly. These goofy creations really are artifacts of entire little worlds, many of them long-dead and forgotten. It is as sad and funny as it is fascinating.

7. Snipe and Wib -- A Warhammer 40,000 channel, but HOLD ON, this is one of the good ones! They do a show called Codex Compliant that goes through the published history of Warhammer lore from Rogue Trader in the mid-1980s to now. They love 'grimdark' and Space Marines as much as they understand that all of it was created as a cheeky English parody of melodramatic, misogynistic total-war fantasy worlds. I always thought Warhammer 40K was a boring expensive thing for the grossest WASP nerd boys before I watched Snipe and Wib. Now I know that Warhammer 40K is a boring expensive thing for EVERYONE. I'm not buying and painting miniatures or arguing over protractors yet, but I kind of want to because of Snipe and Wib. I at least get it now. It is a lot to manage, but a lot of it is pretty cool.

8. Imbrandonfarris -- Like I have to explain who Brandon Farris is. He is a charismatic guy who hurts himself and destroys his own apartment to entertain the world's children. And he doesn't say swears so they're allowed to watch it. And BOY, do they watch it! This is content for 8 year olds. But goddamn it if it isn't really, really GOOD content for 8 year olds, the kind the rest of the family can enjoy, too. Brandon is charming as hell, his story is heartwarming, his family is adorable, and you don't even resent him for recently buying a palatial estate in which he can spray foam on everything. This is a guy who exists to do the stupid shit the rest of us wish we could do, and he kills himself doing it, and the world has rightly responded by rewarding him for it. Good on you, Brandon. Also it is just really funny to watch a man destroy a bedroom with an exploding pumpkin filled with glitter and then fall down.

9. Warlockracy -- Russian-based gaming channel that mostly posts long-form analyses of PC RPGs, especially those in the isometric family of the original Fallout games. These games maintain a huge cultural influence on gamers in Russia and Eastern Europe, and being one of those, Warlockracy uses his platform to give the rest of us an insider's perspective of that world. Seriously, if you want to understand modern Russia, and even the war in Ukraine, Warlockracy casually explains complex aspects of both of these, via the easily-grasped context of games like STALKER and Vampire the Masquerade: Bloodlines. I believe he is still in Russia, so I don't know how he pulls off this kind of commentary at this point and hasn't gotten in trouble yet. But he keeps doing it, and with an easy sense of humor that I cannot comprehend, having to live under those circumstances. I wish him the best, and hope to enjoy his content as long as it lasts.

10. Thew Adams -- Thew reviews Transformers. But that...that doesn't begin to cover it. Threw Adams is a ray of sunshine on YouTube, and everyone needs to watch his videos. Don't care about Transformers? Doesn't matter. Seriously. It DOESN'T MATTER. You will like Threw. You will never see a more delightful person. And no matter your gender or sexuality, if you don't want to kinda kiss him on the mouth, you're not human. Thew makes everything fun, especially when he doesn't like something. Thew Adams is the bit of chocolate you let yourself have every day because no, you don't NEED IT, but it makes you happy, goddammit. Watch Thew. Thew is good.

Honorable Mentions (in that, these are consistently good channels I have liked for years, even if their specific content every year might not be perpetually notable):

Jenny Nicholson

Ashens

LGR

Techmoan

PeanutButterGamer / Peebs

Scott the Woz

Your Dinosaurs are Wrong

Secret Galaxy (formerly Toy Galaxy)

Drew Gooden

Pyrocynical

[qqueenofhades]

Fake dating AU for the idiot Heartrender Husbands! I beg of you!

As ever, I am preposterously easy to enable, and since they will eventually make an appearance in A Phantom in Enchanting Light, I decided to write their backstory for that verse. Also, “fake dating but it’s only fake because they’re both idiots” is an Aesthetic. I love them.

Moscow, 2010

The guy is most definitely late. Fedyor got here early – probably too early, since they’re supposed to meet at eleven and he arrived by quarter past ten – but it’s now 11:08 and still no sign of him. Fedyor has claimed a corner table in the coffee shop just off Red Square with its splendid old tsarist-era décor, surrounded by the murmur of conversation and clicking laptop keys as his fellow Muscovites get on with their daily lives. The rule is fifteen minutes, yes? If Ivan Sakharov doesn’t show up in another seven, Fedyor is free to bail. But it’s been so long, and Nadia, the mutual friend responsible for this set-up, has begged Fedyor to give him a chance. And since it is understandably difficult to date as a gay man in Russia, Fedyor’s patience must be tested longer than usual. He sips his flat white and glances at the door again. Still no Ivan.

Fedyor opens his phone and checks the photo that Nadia sent him, trying to decide if this man is attractive enough to compensate for his tardiness. It’s hard to tell. It is 11:14, and he is absolutely about to pack up and leave by no later than 11:25, when a tall, grim-faced man in a red windbreaker strides in. He stops short, glances around, spots Fedyor, and powers over with such single-minded determination that Fedyor fears he’s about to be arrested. “Hello,” he says curtly. “I am Ivan Ivanovich Sakharov. I believe you are waiting for me?”

“Ah – ? I am Fedyor Mikhailovich Kaminsky, yes,” he manages, offering a hand, which Ivan crushes in a Terminator grip. “It’s – nice to meet you?”

Ivan snorts, pulls out the other chair, and drapes his jacket over it, then orders a small plain coffee (black like his soul, evidently). Then he returns, sits down, and claps his hands as if he is calling a misbehaving class to attention. “Where are you from?” he barks. “How long have you lived in Moscow?!”

Fedyor continues to gape. He’s genuinely not sure if this is Ivan attempting to get to know him on speed-run, or if he’s being interrogated by a FSB agent who can’t even act for two seconds like he’s not. It’s ominously possible. Dmitry Medvedev is the president and there are hopes that there might be a social liberalization, but the Orthodox patriarchs and the far right have been increasingly agitating against Russia’s embattled LGBTQ community, and things could just as easily get worse. Is this a setup or a setup? Nadia would never knowingly put him in a dangerous situation, of course, but maybe she was likewise fooled. You’d think that if this was a sting, they could have found a guy who was actually capable of pretending to be on a date, but maybe that’s the point? What the hell is going on here?

Fedyor opens his mouth, then shuts it. As a matter of fact, he is originally from Nizhny Novgorod, but moved to Moscow for university and has lived here for seven years, but if Ivan is with the FSB, he probably already knows that. Is this a trick? Is Ivan trying to match him to some police intelligence file or see if he’s a liar? Fedyor is seriously about to get up and walk out (or maybe sprint out) when Ivan, perhaps realizing that he’s blowing this to a heretofore unprecedented degree, says, “Sorry. I am from Krasnoyarsk. I enjoy rugby.”

Of course he likes rugby if he’s from Krasnoyarsk. This is a disaster. “Uh, what side?”

“Krasny Yar,” says Ivan, in the tone of a man about to stand up and belt out the fight song. “I also enjoy football. Yenisey Krasnoyarsk. Though I have begun supporting Lokomotiv since I came to Moscow. That was five years ago.”

So, he’s definitely a hooligan. Fedyor does his best to keep smiling. In the flesh, Ivan is definitely not unattractive. His hair is crisp and brown, there are glints of hazel in his eyes, and he has that hard, chiseled handsomeness that Fedyor always ends up getting suckered into. Except for the fact that he is lively, extroverted, and outgoing, likes clubbing and mingling and making friends, and this man does not appear to have ever heard of a single one of those things. What was Nadia thinking? It’s not like her to whiff this badly. Or did she have to be so circumspect in asking Ivan if he would like to meet Fedyor that, even if he’s not an undercover cop, he is in fact clueless about the true nature of this social engagement? Thinks it’s guys being pals?

“Did you have somewhere you were coming from earlier?” Fedyor asks, after another excruciating silence. “Is that why you were – ?”

“My apologies. The bus was late. I am normally very punctual.” Ivan scowls ferociously, as if the bus ever dares to do such a thing again, he will personally murder it. “What hobbies do you enjoy, Fedyor Mikhailovich?”

“I think you can call me Fedyor, yes?” They are clearly nowhere near “Fedya” and “Vanya” just yet, but “Fedyor Mikhailovich” always makes Fedyor look around warily for his grumpiest professor at MSU. He tries to think of subtle conversational gambits to find out what Ivan knows, without being obvious. Oh God, he really should just cut his losses, but something – perhaps the pathetic conviction that even a terrible date is better than no date at all – keeps him in his seat. Presuming that he does get out of here alive, he will call up Nadia straightaway and ask her many, many questions, mostly consisting of Why??! “Well,” Fedyor says at last. “I like having fun?”

“I also enjoy fun,” Ivan says, stone-faced. “I am very funny.”

Russian humor is normally extremely deadpan, to the point that Fedyor does wonder if Ivan is in fact a diabolical troll genius, but somehow he doesn’t think so. The rest of the conversation proceeds in this fashion, but by the end of an hour, Fedyor still has no idea if he has just been on a date or a trip to the gulag. Ivan gets up, administers another bone-crushing handshake, thanks him for his time, and marches out. Fedyor can practically hear the Red Army Choir thundering some patriotic anthem in his wake.

When he gets home that afternoon, Fedyor is resolved to write off the whole thing, except it was weirdly kind of not as bad as he first thought, maybe, somehow. If nothing else, he’s fascinated by this, like watching a slow-motion train crash. He takes out his phone with the intention of calling Nadia, only to see a text message from an unfamiliar number. When he opens it, it reads, Hello. Your company was agreeable today. Thank you. Perhaps we could meet again next week. Please reply yes or no. The message uses the formal styles of address, and some of the spellings are slightly old-fashioned. He has also signed it – Иван Сахаров – in case there might be some confusion with another Ivan the Terrible at Dating of Fedyor’s recent acquaintance. It is a bit like getting a text from the undertaker.

Fedyor stares at it, insanely tempted to burst out laughing, and finally, just because now he’s too curious to refuse, texts back his gracious acceptance. Still chuckling, he makes dinner, and then, as his phone pings with Ivan’s response, wonders in horror what on earth he is getting himself into.

This is how things continue for the next six weeks. Ivan and Fedyor meet up for the second time, stroll sedately around one of Moscow’s many city parks together, then part ways, and this time it’s Fedyor’s turn to ask if he would like to do it again. He isn’t sure exactly why, except that Ivan is unexpectedly easy to spend time with, and he nods in stoic approval of whatever Fedyor says. Of course, they follow the usual rules of dating which are especially important in Russia: don’t talk about politics, don’t talk about religion, don’t talk about America, don’t talk about Ukraine, don’t talk about Chechnya. From what Fedyor can glean, Ivan’s views tend to the doctrinaire, but he is surprisingly undogmatic, and willing to at least act as if he has an open mind. If he was an FSB agent, it feels like he would have busted Fedyor by now, but maybe he is waiting for him to do something unmistakably gay. That’s not it. Right?

Nadia calls, wanting to know how it’s going, and Fedyor grills her for forty minutes over whether Ivan is a law enforcement plant, a lonely guy looking for a friend, the world’s most method practical joker, or just extremely stupid. Nadia insists that he is actually very nice once you get to know him (HA, thinks Fedyor) and has no particular affection for either the ruling classes or the oligarchs. He can certainly be an acquired taste, but he is not evil.

Forced to accept it, still chickening out of asking Ivan whether he knows they’re dating, wondering if they are dating, if Ivan knows that Fedyor knows they’re dating, if Fedyor only thinks he knows that they are dating while they are not actually dating, or if Ivan thinks he knows that they’re dating while they’re… whatever the fresh-fried fuck is truly happening here, Fedyor trudges off for what has become his almost-weekly rendezvous with Ivan the-Maybe-Not-Quite-So-Terrible. They manage to have a few conversations verging on meaningful, and Fedyor has found himself telling Ivan about his family and Nizhny Novgorod and other such things. Fedyor likes to talk and Ivan likes to listen, though he breaks in now and again with a bone-dry quip. He’s still never what you would call loquacious, or easily forthcoming, but Fedyor likes that. Ivan is tough, complex, enigmatic, guarded, occasionally willing to let down his walls but only if the other person is worth it, and Fedyor finds, to his surprise, that he wants to be worth it. If this is a long-con mind game, he almost doesn’t care. (Almost.)

The problem, however, is that they’ve been seeing each other regularly for a month and a half and they haven’t gotten any closer than walking through a park, outdoors, in full view of their fellow comrades. Even the first time Fedyor takes the plunge and invites Ivan to his apartment, they sit three feet apart on the couch, watching a badly-Russian-subtitled version of Die Hard and providing critical commentary. Fedyor’s English is a lot more fluent than Ivan’s, and his middle-class family, while not exactly wealthy, is definitely better off than Ivan’s hardscrabble clan of miners and loggers in Siberia. That upbringing certainly does explain, to some degree, why Ivan is the way he is, and Fedyor wonders anxiously if Ivan views him as an insufferably posh city boy. Ivan barely finished high school and went straight to working in a Krasnoyarsk aluminum factory. He definitely did not faff around Moscow State University and attend global development seminars in Paris.

Nonetheless, despite their obvious differences, they do get along, and Fedyor is unable to deny the fact that he would, if it’s all right with everyone, like it to be more than that. Of course, finding out if Ivan knows, etc. etc., has been the paramount challenge, and there is no way to find out other than to go for it. Fedyor is 75% sure that they’ve been going steady for two months, but if it’s actually the other 25%, this is going to get awkward in a hurry. Is this essentially a fake relationship, or is it only fake because they’re both idiots?

After having duly commended his soul to God, Fedyor invites Ivan over on Saturday night. He rents a tiny flat by himself since he’s been burned on rooming with strangers, but Ivan is used to it by now, and it doesn’t feel too small with the two of them. Fedyor strains his limited culinary skills to cook supper, probably making his babushka cluck her tongue and sigh in a judgmental fashion back in Nizhny Novgorod, and they sit down and eat in silence for five minutes. Then Fedyor says, “Vanya?”

The consistent use of the diminutive has started sometime in the last few weeks, neither of them remember quite when. Ivan doesn’t correct him. “Yes?”

Fedyor clears his throat. “Do you…” He winces. “Do you… like me?”

“Yes?” Ivan says again, looking confused. “I would not have spent so much time with you if I did not, don’t you think? We are friends.”

“Yes, I know that we’re friends, but…” Fedyor looks at the ceiling. It doesn’t help, so he looks back at Ivan. “Are we… special friends?”

Ivan continues to look blank. “Are we?”

Fedyor resists the urge to tug at his collar, thinking that it’s a damn good thing that he didn’t go with his other idea of just leaning across the table and passionately kissing him. With absolutely no change of tone or expression, Ivan says, “Please explain. Special friends how?”

“Friends who want to…” Fedyor takes a deep breath. “Be… more than friends?”

“How?” Ivan orders again, ruthlessly. “Be clear, Fedya.”

“Are we maybe… boyfriends?” Fedyor’s voice squeaks on the word. “As in… we have feelings for each other that aren’t just… friendly? Like… feelings which are… romantic?”

Ivan continues to stare at him like a statue for several more seconds, and Fedyor contemplates the feasibility of tunneling directly through the floor of his apartment and running all the way to Latvia. Then at last, Ivan throws his head back and – startling Fedyor deeply – breaks into real, genuine, belly laughter, the kind that he has never heard from Ivan before. “Oh my,” he chortles, slapping the table. “Your face. You were sweating bullets.”

“WAIT, WHAT!?!” Fedyor pushes his chair back and stands up with a clatter, incandescently outraged. “Are you – were you messing with me?!!”

“Maybe a little,” Ivan says, wiping his eyes. “You know, all this time, I have not been sure if you are shy or a terrible prude. Why haven’t you kissed me yet?”

“God’s Mother in Heaven – ” Fedyor feels another prick of disloyalty to his babushka for swearing on the Bogomater, but some people deserve it. All inhibitions forgotten, he charges at Ivan like a runaway train, as Ivan springs out of his own chair in readiness, and starts pounding on his chest in transports of fury. “You are the worst! You are the worst person ever! For two months, what have we been doing?! I have been afraid this whole time that maybe you don’t know what’s really going on, and now – ?! You are the worst!”

Ivan catches Fedyor’s flailing arms, holds them away from him, and picks him up bodily, swinging him around and pushing him against the wall. “Maybe I am just a dumb country boy from Siberia,” he remarks, “but even I am not that stupid, Fedyor Mikhailovich.”

“I hate you,” Fedyor pants, their faces and their mouths an inch away from each other. “Get out of my apartment.”

“Mmm?” Ivan cocks an eyebrow. Then he plants both hands on either side of Fedyor’s head, leans in, and deeply, savagely captures Fedyor’s mouth with his own.

Every remaining vestige of barely rational thought in Fedyor’s head evaporates in screaming shock. He still wants to shove Ivan away, knee him in the balls, or break a chair over his head, but if he did that, he would have to stop kissing him, and he can’t do that either. He moans, Ivan’s tongue takes the opportunity to slip into his mouth, their hands clutch and claw and their legs melt out from under them, they turn away or break contact only to gulp a breath before diving back in again, and the next time Fedyor is aware of anything, they have collapsed on his kitchen floor in a wrung-out, entangled, gasping heap. Ivan says in his ear, “Do you still want me to leave, Fedya?”

“No,” Fedyor manages. “Because now, I am really going to make you suffer.”

Ivan’s smile is dark and full of promise. He pulls back, gets to his feet, and holds out a hand. “Then I’ll meet you in the bedroom.”

(Ivan doesn’t leave Fedyor’s apartment that night. He doesn’t leave it the next night either. At the end of the week, Fedyor calls up Nadia and informs her that he hates her so much, and when they do next see each other, he’ll shake her by both shoulders and then thank her for introducing him to the no-good, truly awful, very bad love of his life.)

[spicymayo1983]

Hiya. Decided to do another pregnancy smut fest starring you, the reader, and Poe Dameron.

I love to imagine Poe as a doting, loving, expectant father. I think it's sexy. Lol.

The two of you met by chance during one of General Organa's meetings. Despite the fact of the seriousness of the situation the handsome leader of the black squadron caught your eye.

You are a rebel Alliance lieutenant, young and passionate about defeating the first order.

And you caught his. The two of you almost immediately begin a red hot, sexual relationship. A casual, mainly friends with benefits sort of thing.

The two of you can't seem to keep your hands off each other and you have sex on a nightly basis.

How will things change between you when you find out that you're expecting his child?

Warnings, unprotected sex, female receiving oral sex, angst, pregnancy talk, cockwarming. Poe is also very cuddly and affectionate towards you. 🥰🥰Not for anyone under 18.

This is straight up porn ya'll. Lol.

Flirting with disaster

It's been a few months since that chance encounter during one of General Organa's meetings. You were supposed to be focused on the extremely serious matters at hand but instead you found yourself absolutely transfixed by Mr. Trigger happy himself, Poe Dameron.

The sexual chemistry between the two of you was off the rails passionate. Your new routine consisted of nightly sexual encounters with your virile new lover. Sometimes Poe would just show up to swap oral sex, maybe do a little cuddling. But most of the time, every night, you had sex. Usually in your own bed but a few times you would squeeze into the cockpit of his X wing and sit on his lap and ride his cock until you would both cum.

You've never been with anyone quite like Poe Dameron before. He's older than you by nearly a decade and is dominant in bed but always listens to you and makes sure that you cum first. Usually multiple times.

You feel like you may be falling in love with him but you're afraid that it's still too early to tell him.

Late one night, after a particularly exhausting session of marathon sex, you are lying in your bed.

You've already slipped on a simple yet sexy little negligee. Poe is sound asleep next to you on his stomach, still nude.

You can't believe how beautiful he is. Poe is such a deep sleeper that you could run your fingers through his hair and he wouldn't wake up.

You're having difficulty sleeping so you find yourself doing just that. Playing with each soft little ringlet, giving them gentle, playful little tugs.

But this time Poe wakes up. His dark brown eyes pop open slightly and he says in a groggy voice,

"What's wrong babe? Can't sleep?"

"Yes". You reply with a deep sigh. "I don't understand how my sleep schedule got so messed up".

Poe rolls over on his side and tenderly embraces you, he wraps his arms around you and showers the back of your neck with soft little kisses.

He knows the one way to get you to fall asleep. With his arms wrapped around you in a gentle embrace Poe slides his thick cock inside of you.

You sigh deeply as you feel the warmth of his body against yours.

"Mmmm you like that babe, don't you?" Poe whispers into your ear.

"Yesss". You reply weakly, the feeling of him inside of you stirs up an entire cocktail of emotions.

You want to tell Poe that you love him but you're too afraid. You wouldn't know how to deal with the rejection.

The two of you fall asleep with your bodies locked together. The next morning before Poe gets dressed to leave you enjoy a round of sleepy, early morning sex.

After a long and stressful day packed full of meetings and intelligence briefings you can't wait to come home, take a warm bath and go to sleep.

You're surprised to see Poe waiting for you when the door to your quarters slides open. He's relaxing on the couch, his khaki shirt unbuttoned and his boots kicked off.

Even when he isn't trying the man oozes raw, animal sex appeal. You can't believe how lucky you are to come home and have this gorgeous man waiting for you.

Wanting to touch you, please you. He could be soft and cuddly or rough and dominant. Whatever you were in the mood for.

"What a day!" You announce, quickly kicking off your own boots and cuddling up next to him. "I need a hot bath and a good night's sleep".

Poe immediately leans over and tenderly kisses you on the forehead.

"Let me run a bath for you". He says, smiling a little and kissing you again, nuzzling your neck.

Tonight is a soft and cuddly night. Poe knows that you find him completely irresistible when he's being your sexy teddy bear.

Poe runs a hot bath for you. Once you sink into that hot water your troubles seem to melt away. He massages your neck and shoulders for you. As Poe massages your shoulders he plants a series of soft, delicate kisses on them, making you sigh in contentment.

"Mmmmmm". You mumble, closing your eyes in delight. "That feels great".

"I know what else would make you feel great". Poe whispers into your ear.

After he helps you dry off Poe carries you into your bedroom. Your body is tingling from excitement as you anticipate what's he's going to do to you.

He covers your body in gentle kisses from your forehead down between your breasts, where he lingers for awhile.

You begin to moan louder and you feel yourself becoming wetter and wetter as his kisses slide below your belly button.

Poe begins to gently suck your erect clit as he fingers your wet slit.

He can feel you cum for him with his mouth. Every pulse, every twitch, he can feel.

"If I don't fuck your perfect pussy I'm going to explode". Poe moans as you roll over and spread your legs for him, craving his cock inside of you.

He enters you gently, you moan and squirm from delight as you squeeze his beautiful thickness with your tight muscles.

You gaze into his eyes and run your fingers through his hair as Poe gently makes slow, tender love to you.

You cry out a little and bury your face in his shoulder as you feel his cock tense up and spill his thick seed inside of you.

Neither one of you have had the birth control conversation. But there are so many safe, effective and advanced options for men and women in a galaxy far, far away that it never crosses your minds.

You're not currently on anything but you assume that he is given his reputation.

Afterwards when you are both drifting off to sleep as you relax in his arms you ask,

"Are we exclusive?"

"Of course babe". Poe coos back, giving you a gentle squeeze. "Why wouldn't we be?"

"I'm not on the shot or anything else". He continues, the "shot" meaning one of the most popular methods of birth control for men. "But most women I'm with are on at least 1 thing so I figure why bother?"

His words immediately send chills down your spine. Before you met Poe you weren't exactly sexually active. Your menstrual cycle was light and normal so you didn't figure that you needed to take anything.

You got so swept up in the fun and carnality of your trysts with Poe that birth control slipped your mind.

"What's wrong babe?" Poe mumbles back, kissing your neck.

"Nothing, nothing at all". You reply with a nervous giggle.

You've been experiencing some things that you've brushed off as stress related. Sore breasts, weight gain, mood swings. But now you're terrified that you might be pregnant.

The next day you see your doctor regarding birth control options. But before anything is administered you are given a pregnancy test....

It's positive.

The end of part 1

[thenixkat]

Dragon Horror thoughts

There’s just so many different creatures with different abilities that fall under the umbrella of ‘Dragon’ that you could have so much fun with in any speculative fiction setting. Its actually really sad to see them restricted to the ‘dragon rider’s companion’ and ‘the last of their kind b/c the age of magic is dying’ kind of [action/]fantasy plots.

There’s few exceptions I can list off the top of my head but why haven’t we had another post apocalypse movie where dragons ended the world ala Reign of Fire? Or just schlocky B-Horror  monster flicks like Basilisk: The Serpent King? Or even a scifi/thriller mini series of dragons appearing from the depths of the ocean causing all kinds of mysterious events and catastrophic environmental disasters like Surface?

Things about dragons that lend well to horror:

Appearance

So you’re probably thinking, “Ah yes a dragon. A firebreathing flying lizard!”. Or depending on your background, “Ah, yes a dragon. A mystical serpent associated with water!”

The firebreathing lizard thing is mostly just the modern popculture dragon which is like the modern popculture werewolf or vampire a far less diverse and interesting than their older and less mainstream counterparts. And frankly most of the well known popculture dragons don’t even get to be lizards, just a vaguely lizard-ish approximation built out of mammalian anatomy covered in scales and not even in a fun way.

Dragons can be right up the alley for monster designs horror wise b/c you could quite literally get away with calling anything a dragon if you put enough oomph in it. Even if it might be kinda silly, its perfectly fine to be kinda silly. Silly does not negate horrifying when done well.

- Serpents- a lot of the oldest dragon stories have the dragon as big fucked up powerful snake (eel, or worm). Honestly an earthworm big enough to eat people is far more terrifying than folks give credit to.

- Monster birds- More than a few dragons are described or called ‘birds’. Just, very wrong birds. And honestly birds would be used for horror more b/c birds are really fucking weird and brutal in general.

- Chimeras- Now this is the best part b/c many dragons are described/depicted as being a mishmash of various animal parts. Typically consisting of parts of predators and ‘vermin’ (or in cases where dragons aren’t meant to be elder terror spawns of Satan, mixups of revered/respected animals). It wouldn’t be hard to make it work for a scifi setting. And its just ripe for horror where you can go the more magical/supernatural route.

- Humanoids- you are in no way restricted to only beastly looking dragons. From Typhon and Echidna to Coatlicue to mermaids to the Snake king, sometimes dragons are nothing like what you’d think upon hearing the word dragon.

- Plants- there’s more than a few dragon-plant connections. From dragons that become trees when they die to strange vegetation that resembles and acts like dragons.

Abilities

Listen, firebreathing isn’t even the wildest things dragons can do. I’m not even gonna list everything.

- Flight- dragons don’t need wings to fly. And that’s not just an Asian dragon thing. Dragons don’t have to obey the laws of physics. 

- Weather control- Dragons can cause storms and tornadoes and earthquakes and all manner of other natural disasters. And that’s not just an Asian dragon thing.

- Astral projection- yes. that is a thing some dragons can do. Sometimes they do it to control the weather.

- The Swarm- Some dragons could control snakes or fishes or birds. And honestly birds should be played for horror more often.

- Shapeshifting- a pretty common dragon ability. Not just transforming into different creatures but also into inanimate objects, vegetation, land formations, water, and such.

- Poison- most old school European dragons are known for being just fuck off walking wasteland level poisonous

- Hypnosis- looking at the eyes and/or face of a dragon can put people into a hypnotic state where they may freeze or walk into the dragon’s mouth.

- Deadly Gaze- remember the basilisk and the gorgons? Yeah, dragons that can murder shit with a look. Nowadays the basilisk and cockatrice turn bitches into stone, older version had shit just drop dead. Even older and it was just b/c shit was just that poisonous all a bitch had to do was look in yer direction.

- Horrible Visage- sometimes bitches just died from even looking at a dragon. A different version of the basilisk, didn’t have to look at you at all. You just had to see it.

- Seduction- sometimes dragons were extremely sexy. Sometimes that’s from the shapeshifting.

- Magic- Yeah. Yeah. Just general magic. Dragons can do shit like cast curses or give blessings.

- Indestructability- Dragons are very very hard to kill. 

Behavior

Things that can also work well for horror is just the way the things act and what they want. Just a little bit of stuff.

- Intelligence- Dragons can be as smart or smarter than humans. This is from a lot of different places. Being hunted by an aggressive wild animal is a different experience to being hunted by a human who wants to kill you is a different experience to being hunted down by an eldritch monstrosity with supernatural powers and the ability to plan.

- Feast and Famine- A good number of the more monster dragons are the sorts that spend a long time sleeping or dormant, waking periodically to cause havoc and fill their belly before going back to sleep.

- Blood drinking- Dragons that hunt people down to drink their blood is a thing.

- The Collection- Dragons like to collect things. Either hordes of great wealth that they do nothing with or just things they like. Who’s to say a dragon couldn’t collect maidens, not to eat, but just b/c they like collecting them and put them in a pit until they get moldy.

- Thirsty- sometimes dragons be horny my dudes. (tho apparently thy do make great spouses so long as you respect their boundaries)

- Disproportionate Retribution- demolished villages and burned countrysides all for the theft of a single cup. Being cheated resulting in the flooding of an entire province. 

- Guardians- the protectors of caves and bodies of water.

[purvishraick]

A TALE OF ALWAYS AND FOREVER

CHAPTER 7

Fanfiction : Bloodbound (Choices)

Pairing : Adrian Raines x Amy Richard Parker (MC)

Warning : none

Rating: Teen

TAG LIST : @otherworldlypresents ​  , @evelynistic ​   , @silma-words ​ , @fireycookie , @lauren-raines-x , @nala-raines

If anyone wanna be tagged in future do let me know….

read previous chapter here ….. Chapter 1 , Chapter 2 , Chapter 3 , Chapter 4 , Chapter 5 , Chapter 6

So here i promised this last night but sorry it got delayed ...got stuck in some important work .... now here i am .... i hope u like it

Amy had to forcefully cut the call, in order to shut her brother and she new that this will make him angry. But she didn’t need a pep talk for not getting wasted in the club before her interview. She could handle her brother afterwards and the interview was important. She wandered here and there and settled on the bench. She felt like she is being watched from behind but didn’t find someone. Just then a stunning woman with an icy demeanor came towards her.

“Amy?” stern woman said .

“ yes that’s me “ she replied .

“I am Nicole Anderson, VP of operations at Raines Corp. I will interview you . “ she said .

Amy was surprised to see that she was going to be interviewed by someone so high at post but her queries were eased when she reminded her that they take their hiring process very seriously and she followed her in the conference room keeping her confident look .

“ now then. The Raines Corporation is a global leader in technology and innovation . Why exactly are you interested in being the executive assistant to our CEO ? “

“well…” Amy took a deep breath and continued , “ I’d love to help make the world a better place . what I admire most about the Raines Corporation is your dedication to global innovation and improvement. The clean – water initiative …the vaccine for the cerella virus …the green energy project… you guys aren’t just getting rich. You’re trying to help people, to make technology that’ll save the planet. I can’t think of anything better than being a part of that.”

“hmm……a good answer. A bit cloying , perhaps, but Adrian might actually like that “ Nicole said with an appreciative look.

Just as she was going to speak the next thing , the door at the back of the room swings open , and a handsome man in a perfectly – tailored suit strolls in.

Intelligence sparks through his eyes . He was extremely charming , with his black obsidian eyes assessing her , her already killer nervousness now peaked a whole new level.

“ Adrian I wasn’t expecting you…” Nicole asked unable to hide the surprise in her voice .

Adrian as in Adrian Raines …well all escalated very quickly for her .

“ I had a free minute. Is this the candidate ?” he asked taking the authority in his hands as he decided.

Professionalism and seriousness reflected in his voice .

“ yes …but I’ve just started the interview and—“ Nicole asked stammering .

“ I’ll take over from here “ he cut her off not wanting to take any excuses .

“……of course sir , go right ahead “ she surrendered .

Adrian sat across Amy , eyes burning right through her . He has never seen such a beautiful person in his entire existence , god knows how would she be as a person .

Amy’s nervousness grew even more when his eyes bore through her but she remembered once more , she is Amy Richard Parker and nothing in this world ever scares her , she remembered her brothers’ advices on professionality and confidence and recalled her dad’s proud thought about her and her mother’s loving smile . Now that was enough to calm her down , so she put on the brave and fearless smile again on her face and straightened her back.

“ Amy , is it ? “ Adrian looked at her and saw her hazel brown eyes which her so hypnotizing , with all his strength he prevented himself from being lost in them .

“ that’s right “ she said interrupting his thoughts .

“ tell me Amy , what do you desire ? “ he asked her and she was surprised at the question .

Amy was already so mesmerized from him that this question surprised her.

“ You mean ……why do I want this job ? Because I – “ but was interrupted by Adrian .

“ I didn’t ask why you want this job. I asked what do you desire . “ he asked seriously and professionally.

“ I desire ……PASSION “ she answered after thinking fir a while .

“ oh , really ? “ he asked , his brows raising , he was in true sense intrigued by her answer .

“Sorry , if that is too personal but I am just being honest . I want to feel deeply. I want to experience life , live every moment like my last. We never know when is our last moment , it is better to live our life to the fullest than to regret it afterwards . That’s what I desire “ she answered honestly and it was the true answer she saw what happened to her family everything was good and happy then suddenly they lost everything , she do not want to regret anything .

“ I can relate“ Adrian was impressed internally but didn’t expressed it. He supressed a smile to reach his face. He was truly impressed by her desire to live and feel and experience. He now looked at her resume .

“ lets see here … graduated college 3 years ago …masters in communication …interned at Mannon financial…volunteered in San Torbida and France abroad for a year “ he read out and again was impressed from her but wondered why it took her an extra year to sign up for this interview or for that matter any other one .

“ yep that’s right “ she said .

“ well , how was that tell me in three words “ he asked .

“ difficult. Enlighting. Rewarding. “ she replied easily .

“ good , this job can be challenging and unpredictable , are you comfortable running unusual errands ?”

“Absolutely “

I have been doing them since a long time now , she thought to herself , smiling .

“ Handling confidential information ? “

“ I can keep a secret “

You wont even realise how many I am keeping right now too , she thought again and smirked .

“ Working nights ? “

“ Always been a night owl “

Okay , I atleast told him one thing fully without strings attached , she smiled while thinking .

“ Good , Anything else I should know about you ? “

“ Hmmmm …… I have got WORLD CLASS people skills “ , she said with a proud smile .

“ Oh , really ? “ he asked with questioning eyes .

“ I was voted ‘ most likable ‘ in my high school class . Also ‘ most popular ‘ and ‘ best smile ‘ . Technichally you are not supposed to win in multiple categories , but I was able to persuade them . And also the cherry on the top I was the PROM QUEEN “ , she stated out all of her achievements proudly and remembered how happy and proud her father was to see her that day . She and her brothers has always been the brightest in the whole family , anyways. Suddenly feeling nostalgic and tears building in her eyes she averted her gaze on the floor.

“ Thus proving your point “ said a grinning and impressed Adrian , but he saw a glint of sadness in her eyes and he doubted that he saw tears too , and was unable to understand why counting her proud moments made her sad .

“ exactly” Amy said after controlling her emotions and forcing a smile.

“ one more question “ Adrian leaned forward hands folded on the table and with an intense expression , told her the story of a man who got a genie lamp and destroyed everything , and then finally asked her about what should his final wish should be .

“I think his final wish should be to undo his first two wishes “ she said after thinking for a while .

“because ?” Adrian asked curious to know her theory .

“ because he already had everything he could ask for a family and many friends …what could he ask for more it was more than enough …all he wanted or ever needed was right there in front of him …this is a story of temptation and greed …he should have never played this game …all now he can do is making things as they were before “

Her answer was something totally honest … Adrian glanced at her and then noticed how true each and every word was . she was not only beautiful but also quite intelligent …in true sense beauty with brains.

She was quite interesting too …Adrian personally never saw such a person in his entire life … and he needed to know her …he knew that it is a huge risk and a mistake but he already did that when he decided to interview her himself …now he couldn’t resist her … so then he does the only thing he could do …he knew that Nicole will be a big trouble after this but guess he was okay with that if it was what would keep this girl around .

Then he grins brightly at Amy and says

“ You’re hired “

“wait what ? …seriously “ Amy asked with wide eyes , she was surprised , how in world is it possible that someone gets hired so fast …this was weird to her … but of course she was happy .

Adrian left an inside giggle watching her surprised reaction …she looked adorable with those wide eyes …his smile grew even wider … and he extends his hand …which obviously she took .

‘ oh my god …his skin is impossibly smooth…and hold so firm …wow he is really handso-……no no no …stop brain stop thinking …no eyes …don’t look in his eyes for too long … fuck …, I am a disaster …stop cheeks don’t turn red …god please ‘ she thought .

Good god if god wanted to kill her please kill her in this exact moment …someone save her from this embarrassment …she was a disaster with wide eyes blushing cheeks …FUCK.

Adrian saw her flustered reaction which was by far the cutest thing he saw in his life … his vampire senses made her blushing cheeks clearly visible …the dark pink tint on her cheek made her impossibly adorable.

“welcome to Raines Corporation “ , he said with a bright smile

They made eye contact for just moment but everything stood still for that particular moment …it was mesmerising .

In that moment Adrian didn’t knew about Amy but he knew that they were going to go a long way .

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

@choicesficwriterscreations

[has-gilgamesh-doneanythingwrong]

SLEEPOVER☆CHAOS

In which my mastersona, Seihai-kun; joins Gudako and Mash for one heck of a fun sleepover!!!

Secrets and hidden emotions are finally exposed! ;)

(naw i just like sleepovers)

Cold, billowing gusts of snow rattled against the glistening window panes; as the mundane, clinically white halls of Chaldea sparkled like brand-new.

Yes.

For the first time in ages, Seihai had volunteered to assist with the cleaning!!

'Well, it was either to help with clean-up or join the servants for a session of group counselling with Kiara...' The mere idea of pouring their heart out to their fellow allies made a cold shiver run down Seihai's spine.

No way in hell did they want to let others know about their inner demons; especially not when he was also attending today's session. To Seihai, that was akin to a recipe for disaster.

And in addition to that, Kiara was eerily perceptive as a counsellor. It'd be IMPOSSIBLE to hide anything from her. Seihai had seen how even Gudako's cheery outer self faltered before Kiara's intelligent wiles.

'It's much more relaxing to clean the place instead.' Resting their vibrant red cornrows onto one of the latest prototype model of the Chaldea Speedmop 2000 (nightingale had an entire stock of them in order to keep chaldea as clean as possible), they sighed.

Life had been a real struggle as of late for Seihai. Lacerating wounds. Ferocious beasts. Storylines bursting at the seams with treachery and Machiavellianism. In other words, the missions were hell. It was tough- unbearable even- to carry on, to keep on pushing forward like Gudako, Mash, the Staff and Servants were; but deep down, Seihai knew that they had no choice but to follow ahead.

However, it grew. A festering, deep pool of regret; self-abasement and shame. Was it really alright for Seihai to be here? Weren't they just a nuisance? Were they even worthy? Did anybody at Chaldea even care about them, anyway? Who could they open up around?

As a horrendous deluge of negative self-talk smashed into Seihai with all the force of a tidal wave; encasing them within a moment of anxiety so painful that they felt as if they were about to drown- a miracle occurred.

'TAP TAP!!!!' Tapping them ferociously on the shoulder, Seihai leapt out of their very skin to face such an intrusive force. "H-HOLY SHIT WHAT THE FUCK- oh, Gudako."

"What do you mean by 'oh Gudako'?!! It's none other than me, Gudako; your beloved homie and most trusted ally!! I was looking for you. Kiara was disappointed that you couldn't make it to counselling today. Told me that she's happy to meet you one-on-one, if you got some extra time." Gudako all but winked, as her golden eyes glimmered mischievously.

'You little shit,' Seihai couldn't help but laugh at that. "Alright, I'll visit her tomorrow. How was the group therapy?"

"Oh, it was awesome! We all had a good laugh, shared our stories and gave each other some support." Gudako was more or less beaming with joy. "It's so nice here, in Chaldea. Everyone's so supportive of one another. There's no shame here, Seihai. I hope you know that."

"Haha, of course I do!" An itchy, aching laugh that was even faker than the fakest of plastics erupted from Seihai's throat. Well fuck, looks like their skills at faking had subsided greatly as of late.

'Oh shit...she's onto me..' Seihai recognized that expression clearly. Gudako's eyes were wide, almost brimming with tears, as her eyebrows arched incredulously.

That only meant one thing- she was finally onto Seihai's bullshit.

"Hey, Seihai. If something's up, tell me! You always listen to me ramble on and on about all of my feelings too. Let it out!" Gudako gives Seihai a friendly shake of the shoulders. "AH!!!!"

"Oh lord, Gudako. What's happened now?" Seihai guffawed softly at Gudako's vibrant pose. "You got a new idea? C'mon let it out!"

"Oi, you're the one who needs to let things out more!!! I am doing perfectly fine, thank you. Well anyway. Seihai?"

"Come with us. Join us on our sleepover tonight. Let's chat, just like old times. You, Mash and I. How does that sound?" Gudako's expression was apprehensive, linking her palms together. "I want to help. If that's okay with you..."

'SHIT, I'M WEAK TO SLEEPOVERS!!! DAMNIT!!' There was something so precious, so special about being privy to the personal thoughts and opinions of others; that Seihai was infinitely weak towards. And a sleepover with Mash and Gudako? Lucky!

Seihai instantly looped their ebony hands with Gudako's scarred palms. "Look, I'm going. You better bring some popcorn and snacks, or I'll drain your room of food, Gudako!" Seihai's joke brought a smile to Gudako's face immediately.

"Hell yeah! I'll see you at 10. You better not flake on me!"

Gudako was most certainly one of the most beloved homies around.

SLEEPOVER TIME!!! (yeet)

Decked in the most casual pyjamas and a pale gray dressing gown, Seihai trooped into Gudako's room with all the force of a warrior. It was time to commence battle!

'ONWARDS I GO!!! YOU'VE GOT THIS ME!!!' Seihai slammed into the door as bravely as they possibly could. 'YEAH BOI! I AM NOT NERVOUS, I AM WORTHY AND AWESOME! I am valid, I've got this!' With an entire array of self-affirmations tucked under their sleeves, they boldly seized their targets.

"Yahoo, beautiful ladies. It's me." Seihai posed languidly, as an excited Mash and ridiculously energetic Gudako ran up to her. "Wow, this is my first time here...nice room you've got, Gudako."

Gudako's room was filled with an array of posters, dvds, cds and technological gear; however neon lights also paraded the walls, giving it a very 'cyber beach party' feel.

"Oh damn, the finest one of them all has arrived." Gudako smirked, swaying from side to side. "I'm glad you came."

"Me too...Senpai was yammering on and on about how she wants you to join in with us more often," Mashu beamed softly, tucking her hands politely behind her back. "Thank you for making it here. Truly. I am very grateful for this."

At this, Seihai's eyes widened with shock. They were so used to being alone; and dealing with everything on their lonesome. So to see these two seem so joyful by their mere arrival came as a deep surprise to Seihai. 'Y-yo...I can't handle this...Shit.' It was time to clam up.

Awkwardly ruffling ruby red locks of hair, Seihai turned to the side. "Don't worry about it, I think you two are great people. So...what have you both got planned for today?"

"Well, senpai and I usually tend to enjoy a good romance movie..." Mash began.

"...And imagine ourselves in their situation as well." Gudako's grin was enormous, as Mash's cheeks flushed ever so slightly. "It's so much fun when we do that. Mash and I have very interesting viewpoints on romance. Hehe." Gudako's expression was wistful and warm, her eyes filled with affection.

'Damn, they've got it bad for one another...' Seihai blankly mused. 'Are they just close friends? Are they in love? Hell if I know,' They wondered.

"B-but, as you're here, we wanted to make things much more simulating for you as well. So we decided to choose a legendary movie..."

"... that's named SHREK." Gudako's face was extremely serious. "The movie that fucking destroys all other movies, because it is just that darn good. What do you say? Want some SHREK TIME??"

"Of course, Shrek is love AND life, after all." Grabbing a huge bowl of popcorn, Seihai sits to the right of Mash and Gudako. "How may times have you watched it?"

"I've genuinely lost count..." Gudako sighed. "How about you, Mash?"

"Only twice...I don't really understand the jokes and references made..." Mash hung her head dejectedly. "Sometimes I wonder if these movies are wasted on me."

"That's not true at all, Mash. I have all the time in the world to explain them to you. You won't be left out, alright?" Ruffling Mash's hair softly, Gudako smiled blissfully.

"Senpai...Thank you. In return, I shall explain all sorts of magecraft theories to you so that you can rise above all of the clock tower mages. I'll be cheering you on!"

"Aah, Mash; what have I done to deserve someone as good as you? C'mere." They were now snuggling closely together.

"Yep, Mash! You heard Gudako. This movie isn't wasted on you at all! All knowledge has to start from somewhere. You may be lost now, but you'll eventually possess enough referential knowledge to enjoy this soon. Be nicer to yourself, okay?" Ah, there it was. Seihai couldn't help but throw out some positive vibes. Worried that they had gone too far, they cringed- only to be met with wide smiles.

"You're so right, Seihai!" Gudako was now caressing Mash's hair. "Hehe, you always give such wise advice."

"Seihai, you're so kind...Thanks." Mash grinned.

"Ah, no problemo! Just didn't want to see you hurt yourself."

As Seihai quietly watched over the two's warm cuddling session, a slight pain twanged at their heartstrings.

In Chaldea, they had no connections as close as that. There was nobody like that for them, whose arms they could be held in; who they could bond with so closely. Nobody who they could cry with in the worst of times; nobody who they could while away the darkest phases of night with...nobody at all.

It had always been them, and them alone.

No matter how many people they connected to on a surface level; how many people they met and spoke to; who they relied upon and trusted within their lifetime- Seihai had never experienced a close bond with anyone.

For the first time in a while, the arid, bitter taste of jealousy clawed across their throat.

'Ah man, they're so cute. Kinda wish I could love and be loved like that too.' Seihai silently watched the movie besides them, as blue rays of light danced upon their face. 'Damn, now I'm mixed between feeling both happy and jealous for them. GUHHHH!!!'

Sometimes... being emotionally distant from others sucked.

But they couldn't let desperation consume them. Whenever they were desperate for friendship and love, they'd let the wrong people in, and would end up even more battered and bruised than before...

'I just gotta keep on being my own pillar of emotional support, no matter how desperate I am for some hugs.' Seihai sighed.

'If this is the price I have to pay to live honorably to my true self, than so be it.'

"So...Mash, Seihai. Let's share some secrets. Have any of you got somebody who you like? Fess up to your dear Gudako!!!"

What was once an extremely loud and rancorous viewing of Shrek (Seihai laughed throughout the entire thing, as Gudako cracked an inane amount of jokes) had now become none other than a GOSSIP SESSION.

'FUCK...' Seihai's face paled at this. Of all the topics to discuss, why did it have to be this??? Whilst Seihai's face was creased up with pure pain and terror, Mash was blushing like a cute tomato.

"W-well senpai, I...You see, I..." Gudako was leaning in so closely towards Mash that she was bordering on pinning her to the wall.

"Hmm, what? What is it, Mash?" Her voice was a husky whisper. "C'mon, tell me who..."

'Bruh. GUDAKO!!! That's not helping at all.' Seihai wanted to facepalm at their antics. 'They really are this dense to each other's feelings, huh.' It was adorable, yet somewhat amusing to watch as well.

"A-AH! I GIVE, I GIVE!!" Pushing Gudako to the side, Mash panted in agony. "S-SEIHAI! WHO DO YOU LIKE??"

"OI, DON'T THROW ME UNDER THE BUS LIKE THAT! WHAT THE HELL!!!" Seihai couldn't help but yell, as a dastardly cold wind dashed through their spinal cord. "Fuck, well okay, there is somebody I like, but..."

"Spear."

'Shit...' Seihai's eyes were as large as saucers, as they spun in Gudako's direction; her smirk pernicious.

Did Gudako KNOW?!

"Looks like Seihai's in a spear of trouble." Gudako winked proudly at them. "Mash, save Seihai the embarrassment. We all know who they like already!"

"T-that's true..." Mash had finally calmed down, much to Seihai's own chagrin. "Yes, we do know."

"How? I mean, should I be worried by this??? How many of you know??" Seihai's arms pooled with cold sweat. "Damn you!"

"More or less the entirety of Chaldea?" Gudako admitted, chowing nonchalantly on a massive pocky stick. "You're not very good at hiding your emotions, you know. Seihai, we in Chaldea understand you much more than you may realize. You can open up a little more, you know?"

Overwhelmed by this, Seihai snaps for the very first time- their hazel eyes burning with repressed rage. "How can you say that, damnit?! How can you understand me, when I mainly hang out alone; when I can barely connect with anybody in Chaldea; when I don't even fucking belong in this damned place??? How can you say that, when I have a fucking useless one sided affection that I've been trying to hide, but everybody now knows of??? How can you say that Gudako??? You don't know shit about me, nor my feelings!!"

At this outburst, both Gudako and Mash's faces soured. Roughly gripping Seihai with her war-torn hands, Gudako shakes them by the shoulders, her golden eyes burning with passion.

"You don't think I see it, Seihai? How you fucking pour out all of your feelings by accident, only to withdraw back into yourself again? How you look longingly over at Mash and I, craving a bond of your own? How you reluctantly look over towards staff and servants, aching to talk to them but not knowing what to do? You don't think I see you crying, see your eyes fill with affection for a certain someone every now and then; that I don't pay attention to your feelings?!! I CARE FOR YOU, FOR FUCK'S SAKE!!! WE'RE FRIENDS, AREN'T WE?!!!"

"S-senpai, stop! Seihai, I'm so sorry, Gudako just gets a bit...well, passionate sometimes." Mash manages to successfully pull Gudako back. "Err, Seihai?"

Tears. A flowing river of tears dropped from Seihai's eyes as they sobbed quietly into their palms.

Gudako cared?

Somebody actually did acknowledge their emotions, and actually looked out for them?

'What, what...It can't be...But I thought that only I could care for myself and understand my emotions that well...How could she?' Before Seihai could even look up, Gudako had wrapped them within a fierce hug.

"Seihai. Look, I don't know what's happened in your past, or what's convinced you to be your sole caretaker and self-support system without letting anybody else in." Gudako ruffles their hair. "But I want you to know, that you're NOT alone. Yeah, maybe you've not found your close homies yet. But Mash and I are happy to hear you out, we all are!! Even the person you like sees you as a friend, hehe. You don't have to worry about hiding yourself behind a mask of peerless positivity and self confidence anymore."

"Gudako..."

"You know, you were there for me when I was crying about having to be strong. And you know, I struggled to open up as well. But yeah, Mash...well she came along, and now I feel so much better! Look, I just want you to not beat yourself up for this. It's okay."

"Gudako, you're gonna make me cry. Damn, you're really hitting me in the feels today. I got a real case of the 'crying in the club at 3am vibes' right now."

"Oi, no making shitty jokes to cope. Here, we show our vulnerability like real warriors!" Gudako declared triumphantly, as Mash laughs.

"Gudako, I swear...you really are a wonderful homie. I'm sorry that I tried to hide away from you...I am so grateful that you care enough to seek me out like this. Thank you."

"H-HOLY SHIT, WE CRACKED OPEN THE COLD ONE. MASH TAKE A PHOTO!"

"Senpai, please stop the joking."

"S-sorry..."

"I'm glad," Mash also sat by Seihai's side. "I just want all of us to be happy. And Seihai, I am sure there are many wonderful beings out there that you may eventually grow close to! You already believe in yourself, which is a great start! I know you won't have to be so lonely anymore!" Lacing her palms together, Mash spoke a prayer. "I wish that someday, you will meet people too. And that you'll stop fighting alone."

"Mash, you're gonna make me explode with tears. You're being so nice right now that I'm going to cry." Seihai blushed.

"You heard her, Mash! Why are you so damn cute, I'm falling in love!!" Gudako was clutching her heart dramatically. "Ahhh....Mash is such a beauty!!! Thank you, for blessing me with such a wonderful person!"

"S-SENPAI!!! STOP!!!" As the two began to pillow fight, laughing all the while; Seihai smiled softly at them both.

'So I'm not fighting alone after all...I'm not the only person who values myself in this world anymore...' Seihai could finally put down the weapons that they had grown so used to aggressively defending themselves with.

From now on, they'd do their best to trust in Chaldea more. And maybe attend group therapy from now on, as well.

'So this is how it feels to open up to people.'

It was an unforgettable sensation.

THE END

holy smokes this is so fucking LONG

[just-call-me-the-intrusive-thot]

Soulmate September - Day 15

Day 15 - It is impossible to lie to your soulmate.

Pairing(s): Romantic Loceit, Romantic Prinxiety, Romantic Intruality

TWs: swearing [like, twice at most]

--

Logan found himself in a bit of a conundrum. 

He watched the other sides bicker and argue among themselves - what else was new? - while Thomas tried to calm things down. In truth, Logan had no idea why Thomas had bought the damn trinket, it was likely a scam anyway.

The item in queston was a small, relatively unobtrusive enamel pin that, according to the informative leaflet that came with it, emitted a ‘subtle aura’ that would prevent the wearer from lying to their soulmate. Logan was skeptical to say the least, but Roman, ever the romantic, had insisted Thomas buy it in order to weed out the lucky prince of his dreams. Of course, the pin had no effect in reality, but because Thomas believed it so, the effect on his sides was interesting.

“I can’t believe you wasted ten dollars on that garbage.”, Virgil scoffed, perched on the stairs as always. 

“Oh, come on Virge!”, Thomas tapped the pin fondly, “Even if it doesn’t work, it’s a cute design, right?”

“Wow. A red heart. Yes. Totally original. I can feel the no doubt months of work that went into designing it.”

“....Sarcasm really isn’t a great look on you, y’know.“ Thomas muttered, feeling dejected.

Roman piped up to his defense, “It’s a classic design, Bring Me The Depression! Sure, it may be a little plain, but classics are classics for a reason!”

Virgil rolled his eyes, “Whatever, you just like it because you’re a sentimental dork.”

“And what if I am?! Better than being such a Robert Downer Jr!!”, Roman huffed, “You are one killjoy who should make far less noise.”

Before Patton or Thomas could butt in, Virgil murmured, “God, I love it when you make those references just for me-”

The anxious side slapped a hand over his mouth instantly. His eyes widened in horror at what he’d just said as the others all turned to stare at him. Roman especially.

“.... You do?”, the Prince bashfully inquired. 

Virgil uncovered his mouth, clearly about to try and cover his tracks when, “Of course I do, I love that you put so much thought into it for my sake!”

Once again, he clapped a hand back over his mouth.

Logan wasn’t sure how to take the topic away from this whole soulmates mess to spare his fellow left brain boy further embarrassment; they were aspects of Thomas’ mind, they didn’t even HAVE souls, not that Logan believed they existed. Power of suggestion is an uncanny force it seems. The logical conclusion was that they were merely acting upon feelings already harboured. 

The logical side had to admit, he really hadn’t seen this coming.

“.... Virgil,”, Roman began nervously, Logan realising he must’ve come to the same conclusion somehow, “What colour is my sash?”

The emo squinted at him curiously, “Red? Duh.”

“What color is the sky?”

“Depends on the time of day.”

“Best soda flavour?”

“Grape-”

“How much do you like me?”

“With all my heart-”

Virgil hauled his hood over his head and eyes, “Thomas turn that goddamn thing off RIGHT now-!!”

“No, no, this is way too much fun-!”, Roman began.

Virgil glared at him, his tempest tongue echoing with the weight of his anxiety, “Do you have a death wish, Princey!?”

“Yes if it means you’ll keep yelling at me in that tone of voice-”

Now it was Roman’s turn to look mortified. His eyes nervously darted from Thomas and Patton’s looks of excited adoration, and Logan’s look of sheer and utter “I am so done with this”. The prince swallowed anxiously, looking to Virgil who seemed to be just as nervous as he finally took the chance to sink out.

“Wait, Virgil! Don’t- Aw shoot! Just as you two were finally telling each other how you feel!!”, Patton lamented.

“Padre, you traitor!”, Roman huffed, crossing his arms as he sunk out. Logan theorised it was just an excuse to go after Virgil. Just then, a cackling voice erupted from behind the TV,

“Who knew Emo In Grouchland was so sweet on Roman? Shit taste!”, Remus snickered, vaulting over the TV and taking his spot with glee. Thomas sighed, “How long have you been listening in, Remus?”.

The duke grinned, “Oh, I’ve been here the whole time! I was waiting for a good moment to skewer Roman with this little gift I got him, but the conversation got soooooo juicy I couldn’t resist listening in!”. He brandished a serrated edged sword that looked positively lethal and extremely painful. Patton and Thomas both winced while Logan readied himself to step in should he be needed.

“On that note, Pattycakes, how come you keep losing the gifts I send you?!”, Remus piped up disappointedly, “I put so much work into them, but all you ever tell me when I ask you is that you ever get them!”

Thomas and Logan met Patton with immediate looks of intrigue while the father figure figment looked figuratively flushed. He avoided answering Remus directly, lying to Thomas, “I-! I dunno what he’s talking about, kiddo-”

“What is it our dear brainiac says?”, came a familiar smooth voice, “Ah yes. Deception!”

Logan shuffled to the side to let Janus have some room, “Actually, it’s Falsehood.”

“Whatever, sure.”, Janus waved a hand dismissively. He was more focused on the source that summoned him, tsk-ing at Patton, “All this truth being spouted and yet the one lying hard enough to summon me is our dear Morality. Colour me surprised.”

Patton avoided meeting Janus’ gaze, “I don’t know what you’re talking about-”

“Patton, did you just try to lie to my face?”, Janus chided, raising an unimpressed eyebrow.

The moral side bit his lip nervously, pointedly avoiding Remus. Unfortunately, Remus wasn’t about to let that slide,

“Yeah, Pat, what the fuck!”

“I’m nervous, obviously-!”, Pat cupped his hands in front of his mouth, inadvertently letting Remus know he wasn’t able to lie to him. 

“So where DO my gifts go off to, Pattycakes?”, he asked expecting the garbage or a wood chipper.

“I keep them, obviously!”, Patton blurted, his embarrassment growing.

Remus clearly hadn’t expected that, asking before he even had the chance to reconsider; “Why?”

The moral side figured he might as well come clean considering their current situation,

“Because I love them! They’re gross and a little scary sometimes, but they make me feel wanted around here whenever I’m sad!”, he admitted, tugging on his cardigan sleeves, “They make me feel….loved...”

Remus looked just as stunned as the others, but that expression melted into a toothy grin quickly enough as Remus scooped Patton into his arms in a bridal style hold, “See you nerds later, I have the cutest bitch in the mindscape to sloppily make out with!”

Before anyone could stop him, not that they probably wanted to, Remus sunk out with Patton clinging to him tightly.

“..... On that interesting note, I think I’m gonna go grab a snack.”, Thomas mused, already headed to the kitchen when Janus sighed, “I do hope this insufferable truth telling ends. I enjoy illuminating the lies you all spout but if there’s none to highlight, then I’ll be out of a job.”

Logan shook his head, “That’s incorrect, you also embody Thomas’ self preservation meaning you handle far more than lies, but more importantly, if you were ‘out of a job’ then you would simply cease to exist, which would not be beneficial to Thomas’ safety and wellbeing.”

Janus rolled his eyes and leant against the arm of the L sofa. “Are you always this sweet when you’re correcting someone’s use of hyperbole?”

“I was not being sweet, I fail to see how-”

“I was just teasing you, Logan.”, Janus smirked, getting comfy, “But if I’m being honest, which I very much am, it’s nice to be appreciated around here.”

Logan furrowed his brow, “Do you generally feel unappreciated Janus?”

Even Janus wasn’t immune to the effects of the psyche either, “Yes-”

He caught himself and cast a worried look toward Logan. Thankfully, the logical side may be intelligent, but he sure wasn’t smart enough to read Janus’ gesture properly.

“Are you alright, Janus?”

“No.”, Janus uttered, unable to suppress the truth.

A flash of concern that etched itself into Logan’s face gave Janus some hope that perhaps his feelings might be returned; it was always harder to read Logan, about all Janus knew was that he did in fact have feelings despite his protests. But those exact feelings? He’d be damned if he could figure any of them out.

“May I be of some assistance then?”, Logan offered, sitting on the sofa seat that placed him next to Janus while the latter remained on the arm of the sofa.

“... I’m not sure.”, the lying side hated how uncertain the truth tasted, “But I would like to try something, if I may, Logan?”

Logan frowned in uncertainty, “...As long as it will bring no bodily harm, I am willing to try anything.”

Oh god, is he really doing this? Yes, apparently. Janus brought his left hand to gently ghost over Logan’s cheek, 

“May I kiss you, Logan?”

Ugh, Deceit loathed the crack in his voice, but before he could apologise and let Logan off the hook, the logical side replied, 

“Please do.”, Logan’s eyes remained locked on Janus’.

The serpentine side didn’t need to be told twice. Janus softly tilted Logan’s face towards him, capturing his lips in a gentle kiss. It was soft, fleeting but with an obvious taste of longing. They both let out a content sigh n unison as Janus pulled back, 

“I’ve already asked too much but-”

Logan cut him off, already giving a fond smirk, “It’s alright. I will have Thomas ‘lose’ the pin in the garbage. Your work will be unimpeded, Janus.”

“Perfect. I believe you deserve a reward.”, Janus chuckled as the two went in to kiss once more..

----

Short ‘n’ sweet this time!

Just some gay disaster sides who can’t lie, ehe.

@tsshipmonth2020

Taglist: @somehow-i-got-an-account   @cateye-glasses   @fandomsofrandom

[sanders-sides-fic]

There are no nice deathworlders! (Right?) [Chapter 4]

AU materpost: here

The next two days were extremely frustrating. Still no sign of Janus and the creathen was either too proud or too dense to realize that Virgil was helping him. Every other movement caused him to jump or flinch and he didn’t eat anything unless prompted to do so multiple times. Well, at least the healing process came along nicely from what Virgil could see.

It was their third evening together, when he finally spoke up. “Hey, dark-and-ominous over there? Uhm… Do you… speak common by any chance?”, he asked in a wavering, insecure tone.

Virgil only looked at him silently. The answer was obviously yes, since Janus had made quite an effort in teaching him and he hadn’t had a choice but to become better afterwards. But he didn’t really know if he wanted to talk to the creath who obviously didn’t like him. And even if he wanted to, he was absolutely sure that he couldn’t talk when the creath looked at him that expectantly. It got easier once he said the first few words, spoke up for the first time. And then it got easier and easier until he would only fall silent when he got scared. But right now? When he never talked to the other creature at all and he also looked at Virgil so hopeful? No way. In other words: Let the awkward silence begin!

After a few eternal moments, the creath finally let out a sigh. “Oh, great!” He let his head fall against the stone wall of their little cave in frustration. But he still continued to speak, obviously trying to convey the meaning of his words with the tone of voice he used as well as some clumsy gestures with his bound-up claws. “Look, I need to go. What ever you are playing at, there are people who need me right now. Come on, surely you have someone dear to you as well?”

Janus. Virgil’s head came up with the name and the memory of a tired but smug smile right away. ‘How do you like your weapons now, huh?!’, echoed through his mind.

“Or not. You are a deathworlder, after all…”, the creath sighed before Virgil could react to what the creath had said. He rolled his eyes. Of cause the creath thought so. Just a dumb, violent deathworlder, right? God, and he used to think that humans had a lot of prejudges. Apparently that was something every living being had in common.

Great. And now he imagined a plant judging him when he walked past. Not an image he had needed or wanted to have in his head. Maybe nor being around any humans for so long had fucked him up more than he had realized, and made his social anxiety apply to even more situations. Looked as though he would never be able to talk to this alien over there. With a frustrated huff, he decided to leave again and look for either Janus or that creath’s crew mates. Not that the creath deserved a favor from him, but the other aliens hadn’t done anything to Virgil, yet at least, so he didn’t see a reason to leave them to die.

Both of them were unaware that this conversation took place not so far away from one of said crew mates. The lanky alien had hidden in a cave close enough to see from their own. But neither of the parties had noticed that the other cave was occupied.

Logan was sitting with his head turned away from the entrance, hidden behind a crease. The sun was so much brighter than on his own planet and his protective gear had been damaged quite some bit. At least his glasses were still in tact. Patton would have been quite upset if they would have been damaged, after the little one had gone through all the trouble just to make sure the sun-ray-canceling device matched the light-amplifier he himself used on occasion.

Logan let out a sigh, observing the scale he had found. Unmistakably Roman’s. He had to have landed somewhere around here, as Logan had found the scale rather quickly after the crash. No sign of Patton as of yet, but he hoped to find him with Roman. He knew the chances were slim and also he knew the chances of both of them living was even slimmer, but since Roman’s scale hadn’t lost its vibrant hue, it had to have come loose while the creathen was still alive. Now all he had to do was to hope that that hadn’t changed yet and that he would find his friend soon.

Logan was trapped here until the sun was hidden on this side of the planet, though. Unfortunately. But, a set-back was not a loss yet. He refused to give up hope as long as the chances were not annihilated completely. It would seem, living with Patton had influenced him after all.

And then, suddenly, he heard something. It sounded like steps at the mouth of the cave. A few sounds - Logan would have presumed a language unknown to him, had he not known that he knew every language in this galactic quadrant - echoed through his hiding space. Whatever was there was a predator, Logan knew that much. You could just tell by the cautious, stealthy movements. Especially Logan, who belonged to a species known for their intellect far and wide.

And then Logan was able to catch a glimpse of a reflection on the wet, metal-like wall of this cave. The reflection of a being he wouldn’t have thought to ever come across, especially not in this galactic quadrant. No wonder he had not been able to understand their sounds, it had been a language after all. A deathworlder language. He prayed that the creature wouldn’t advance further into the cave as he pressed against the wall more firmly, cursing his fluorescent skin in his head. What this would mean for finding his friends, well, he would think about that later. Much later. For now, he only hoped not to be seen.

What even was a human doing here?! Them being here changed everything. He could only pray to the stars that they hadn’t yet come across Roman or Patton. And since Roman had to be around here somewhere, he knew he had to find his friend quickly. Otherwise there was no telling what would happen to the creathen.

Logan shuddered.

Something did strike him odd, though. The human didn’t seem to be looking for refuge, but for something else. Someone, perhaps? Not in a predatory kind of way, if he wasn’t mistaken. But what else could a deathworlder search anyone for? Logan’s observatory skills must have been worse than he thought. Dulled down by his lack of nutrition and sleep, he presumed. 

He shook his head. Of cause it was predatory. How stupid of him. He continued to observe their reflection until they turned around and left. They appeared to have overlooked Logan’s little crease. And Logan, for once, could not believe his luck. Maybe Roman was right, maybe praying to the stars did something after all. But then he scoffed. Of cause not. The very thought surely only crossed his mind because he was a hybrid. A purebred would never have considered such nonsense.

Virgil was still unaware of the alien in the cave when he left. It had become a habit to check every cave close to his own in the morning, looking for signs of Janus having taken refuge from the weather there, or better yet: Janus himself. Of cause Virgil never found anything at all. Today was no exception. And though Virgil felt somewhat resigned, he hadn’t really expected anything else.

With a sigh he decided to go south this time. Or, what he believed to be south. Based on the was the sun worked. But then again, north and south had been something because of the magnetic field around earth, right? Who knew if those directions even worked like that on this planet. If there was one thing Virgil had learned from this entire disaster, it was that earth was a terrible gauge throughout the galaxy.

He was still in the milky-way, right? Was it physically possible to have left that galaxy? Before this ordeal, he would have denied the possibility, but after everything that had happened, who really knew?

He shook his head. Probably should stop thinking. Thinking was a terrible idea when he was alone. His thoughts would only drift too far. So he decided to pay attention to the scenery around him. He would have to walk only a little further until he would reach the beach. That was where he had left off yesterday. By now Virgil knew that Janus wasn’t in the forrest or anywhere in the cave system or close to the river. There was no one by the waterfalls or any of the meadows he’d come across so far. That left the mountains that lay presumably in the east and the beach. And the rest of the planet beyond this island, of cause.

Virgil stoped, his worn out shoes covered in sand. What was he even doing here? There was no way he would be capable of searching an entire planet, even if it was a small one. And he wasn’t even sure that Janus was here! The universe was so huge and a human was so small, there was no way he’d be able to find anyone alone! Thousands of stars shone every night on the sky, and every single one of them was surrounded by multiple planets and Janus could be basically everywhere. And Virgil hadn’t even found any of the creath’s crew mates, and he knew they had to be here!

He would never find Janus again.

That realization hit hard, harder even than he thought, hear enough to bring the human boy to his knees. Because what did he have left then? Virgil didn’t know where he was, couldn’t find his way back home. His only friend was long gone and everyone else in the entire universe seemed to hate his entire species.

The first tears started to hit the floor and his shoulders shook violently.

He was lost and alone. Maybe it would just be for the best to let the guards find him. Or just stay here, until a storm killed him. At least here were no intelligent life forms that would hunt him down. Here he would be able to just die in peace. That was better than any other planet, at least.

Okay, maybe he didn’t mean that. But still, his future was looking pretty bleak right now. And he really didn’t know what do to anymore. It was paralyzing to him, this feeling of uncertainty and powerlessness. It was devastating and it hurt and he wanted to just give up at this point.

After a long while of just sitting there and crying, he stood back up. This planet, he decided. He would finish searching this planet and after that he would stop. After this planet, it would be enough secretly sneaking around markets and searching for gossip about himself and his companion. Enough putting himself in danger for the slightest chance of finding Janus. Enough getting his hopes up. Enough shattered dreams of reuniting. If he wouldn’t find Janus on this last planet, he would let go.

Drying his eyes with his sleeve, he finally looked up - and jumped back when he found a sylemn starring back at him. The big, green frog eyes were definitely fixated on him. How long… How long had that alien been there? Were they going to attack him? No, not likely. The sylemn species was known for their peaceful, trusting nature. And Virgil had carelessly offered the perfect opportunity to strike, too. No, probably not.

And then Virgil noticed the way they were standing there. Looked as though their wing was missing a piece and one of their legs didn’t look so good either. He winced in sympathy as he realized that that had probably happened during their crash. And they seemed to be just as alone as the creath…

The creath! Remus’ other half. Of cause, they must have been from the same ship, so they must know each other. It would probably help both of them to know each other safe. Especially since the creath had started talking about them this morning! But would the sylemn be able to reach the cave like that? Probably not. No, actually Virgil was more than sure that they would not.

Alright, then. How to convince them that he wouldn’t hurt them but bring them to their friend instead? And with no words no less?

Fuck!

He sighed. Alright, at least sylemns were supposed to be trusting. So maybe, just maybe he would be able to lure them to come with him?

Okay, so now Virgil sounded like some creepy kidnaper, even to himself. Yeah, no, he would probably fail. But it was worth a try nonetheless. So he let out a deep breath and made a single, slow, hopefully nonthreatening steep towards the other. The sylemn flinched, but stayed still other than that. So far so good.

Virgil decided that it would probably be best to keep his hands where the other could see them but also in a way that the sylemn wouldn’t think he would raise them for an attack. So he slowly raised his hands and put them behind his head, the way you would do back on earth when getting arrested. A kind of nostalgic position, really. Only that this time there was no gun pointed at him. Instead, he kind of was the gun in this scenario.

It looked as though raising his hands had been the right call. At least the sylemn had relaxed a bit and was now watching in careful confusion. Confusion was good. Or, well, it was better than fear or anger at least. Virgil took another deep breath, hoping that that wasn’t something predatory in some alien-culture. Alright.

Virgil then lowered himself to his knees again. Don’t loom over the small sylemn, look less threatening and then approach slowly. Each movement was slow enough that the sylemn would be able to react and enough to make sure when he should back off again. But the sylemn only continued looking at him as though he was an enigma. Then again, a human not attacking probably was an enigma to the alien.

It took him over a minute to cross the small path between them, but when he had, Virgil realized… He had no idea what to do now. Well, great… Now what? He sighed. Maybe…

Maybe this could work?

taglist :)

@the-ultimate-a @bunny222 @elvis-has-been-dug @what-is-love-babey-dont-hurt-me @demonically-posessed-gnome

[amhohwa]

「 headcanon questions | accepting 」 —asked by @holographic-confidence, @exhuntra, @gueyveloz, @diamondtrail, @kiiingkobra, @lovclythief, @paquectric, @illusionage.

016. WHAT IS HIS WEAPON OF CHOICE? in the arena, he likes a few different types of weapons. im also biased so he likes the weapons that i like since he’s my main LOL. ideal loadout is a volt smg + r-301 carbine, though he’d also be satisfied with r-301 + charge rifle or r-301 + longbow dmr.

for any reconnaissance missions or other outside-the-arena activities, he favors a silenced pistol and a data knife.

also, of course, using hack as a bludgeoning weapon. he likes doing that quite a bit.

019. IF HE COULD HAVE A SUPERPOWER, WHAT WOULD HE CHOOSE? time travel. :^)

023. WHAT DOES HE CONSIDER BEAUTIFUL IN OTHERS PHYSICALLY? movement and posture. there’s something about the way a person carries themself, whether it’s with graceful poise, a tall and strong posture, or a confident swagger that crypto admires. probably because he tries to make himself as unobtrusive possible, to move through the world without being noticed too much. others who can carry themselves with confidence, not caring if anyone is watching them—he finds that really beautiful.

024. WHAT DOES HE CONSIDER UGLY IN OTHERS PHYSICALLY? this is hard just because i dont think he really cares what a person looks like when it comes to attraction. he’s definitely a believe that ugliness is something that shows in you because of your actions and your personality.

bad breath and bad teeth are up there though LOL

025. WHAT DOES HE CONSIDER BEAUTIFUL IN OTHERS PERSONALITY-WISE? kindness and optimism, even when faced with really difficult or terrible circumstances. he finds it really admirable that some people don’t feel the need to harden up and close themselves off in response to their trauma and hardships.

026. WHAT DOES HE CONSIDER UGLY IN OTHERS PERSONALITY-WISE? blatant and extreme cruelty. like, yeah, he’s a huge dick himself and he can say some mean things at times, but he’s definitely not the type to revel in making other people’s lives hell for the fun of it and he’s disgusted by people who do.

027. WHAT IS HIS IDEA OF PERFECT HAPPINESS? right now crypto thinks he’ll be happy if he can clear his name, reunite with mila, and go home to suotamo and mystik. of course all of us know that is not a realistic dream and it’s never going to happen because he is unable to come to grips with the fact that he will never go back to his old life.

028. WHAT MAKES HIM LAUGH OUT LOUD? sadly nothing really does :/ it really would take a lot for that to happen. either some kind of unexpected funny thing happening or some kind of absurd statement or joke or something like that. crypto’s not a laugher, sorry 😔

029. WHAT SORT OF SENSE OF HUMOR DOES HE HAVE? on the surface? a very mean sense of humor. insults, ‘playful’ ribbing, calling everyone that’s not natalie an idiot, etc. he also enjoys sarcasm a great deal as well as deadpan humor just to fuck with people.

but he’s also not immune to a good pun (’data way,’ for example)

030. DOES HE BELIEVE IN THE AFTERLIFE? no, not really. he’s an atheist and doesn’t think there’s anything waiting for us after we die.

031. IS HE SUPERSTITIOUS ABOUT ANYTHING? not in the way this question is asking, no. he’s too much of a realist/left-brain for anything like that.

032. DOES HE BELIEVE IN GHOSTS? no (see above)

033. DOES HE KEEP HIS PROMISES? i feel like crypto makes very few promises to anyone he doesn’t trust because yes, he does actually try to keep them.

034. WHAT’S HIS VIEW OF LYING? big big fan of lying over here. love it, will do it until he dies, 10/10 because to him lying = security.

035. WHAT IS THE MOST IMPORTANT RULE CRYPTO LIVES BY? trust nothing and no one.

038. WHAT BAD HABITS DOES HE HAVE? where to even start! LOL 

he has a plethora of bad habits. some of the more obvious are:

not getting enough sleep/pushing himself to stay up all night

not eating consistent meals

vaping

overworking

but then there are some less obvious ones like pushing people away, freezing people out, distrusting EVERYONE, and all his other little paranoid habits like:

scanning everyone who comes to his home for weapons

setting up surveillance cams around places he frequents

not eating food made by others/that doesn’t come in a sealed container

maintaining a minimalist lifestyle specifically because he will have to run again in the future

crypto is an unhealthy mess!

039. WHAT DO THEY THINK IS THE WORST THING THAT CAN BE DONE TO A PERSON? hmmm this is a hard one. because there’s the very obvious answer of, like, being tortured or assaulted and really terrible things like that but maybe those things go without saying. so in his opinion, the worst thing that can happen to a person is becoming completely stripped of their identity. it is so alienating and othering to have who you are at your core foundationally upended 

046. HOW DOES HE HANDLE GETTING SICK? like most things, crypto doesn’t handle it much at all LOL. once he realizes he’s getting sick he pushes himself through it as much as he possibly can to keep working/fighting/whatever until he physically collapses from it, whether that’s literally fainting or just falling into bed at night and waking up the next morning too sick to move. then he just lays there and hopes it passes quickly. he is horrible at self-care

049. HOW DOES CRYPTO FEEL ABOUT GROWING OLD? this is maybe a little morbid but crypto doesn’t have many feelings about growing old at the moment because he doesn’t think he’s going to live to being an old man. either the Syndicate is going to kill him or he’s going to die trying to take them down

050. HOW DOES CRYPTO FEEL ABOUT HIS OWN MORTALITY? he accepts his own mortality, and even if he’s not happy about it and even if he will fight it with gnashing teeth and claws, he accepts that he is going to die, probably soon. he’s just working to try and make it so that isn’t a thing that happens

051. IF HE KNEW HE WOULD DIE TOMORROW, WHAT WOULD CRYPTO DO TODAY? send a letter to mystik. try to get a message to mila. then he’d come up with some elaborate plan to try and really fuck things up for the Syndicate. sure it probably wouldn’t matter in the long run since they’re a huge conglomerate and have so much power but he can at least get some people thinking. so something like taking down a big rig of theirs or even just fucking up one of the arenas. something like that

068. HOW STRONG IS CRYPTO’S SENSE OF RESPONSIBILITY? WHAT KINDS OF THINGS TRIGGER IT? hmmm i think crypto has a strong sense of responsibility, just generally speaking. like he keeps his living space neat and does his work on his own time and puts forth effort in the game and all that stuff. he is a very hard-working and dutiful person. i don’t think there’s anything that really ‘triggers’ it either because it’s either he does these things, or he doesn’t, but the only person who cares if he does or not is himself.

072. IN A DUNGEONS & DRAGONS GAME, WHICH CLASS WOULD YOUR CHARACTER BE? i’ve spent an embarrassing amount of time thinking about this. if he was playing as a character, crypto would be a Divination Wizard for a couple of reasons. first and foremost being that of course he would get access to spells that rely all around foresight and knowledge and that’s what he’s all about—knowing more about everything going on than anyone else. he’d also favor spells that deal lightning damage. the second reason is that the main stat for wizards is Intelligence and u know he’s gotta have that 20 INT babey.

in my D&D au, though, crypto is a multi-classed Divination Wizard and Inquisitve Rogue. started out as a divination wizard as tae joon but then took up some rogue-like skills after going on the run. i picked Inquisitive Rogue because they’re all about perceiving little details and stuff like that. i know that’s more WIS and less INT but it suits crypto imho.

074. WHAT IS CRYPTO’S FAVORITE GAME? sorry in advance that im not going to pick just one. he likes a lot of different kinds of games, but i think his favorite kinds are horror games, games of strategy, and fighting games. so, stuff like detention, dead space, cultist simulator, portal, tekken, street fighter, etc.

078. HOW EMOTIONALLY STABLE IS YOUR CHARACTER? heeeeeee is not LOL. i mean, the reason he keeps such a tight grip on his persona and his emotions is because he’s like one misstep away from a total meltdown. he’s never properly grieved or mourned about what happened to him and having to go on the run, and now he can’t show any kind of emotion because that equals some kind of weakness or chink in the armor.

but under that armor he feels things INTENSELY. everyone gets on his nerves so easily, and everything that’s happened to him in the games so far is piling on: being framed as the mole, having to tell natalie his name, and now pathfinder/caustic. and thats not even touching on his crippling paranoia. it’s a lot from him and he is barely keeping it together. he’s just good at hiding it.

even so, it manifests in all the little ways, right? so like how he cant even enjoy a meal without wondering if it’s poisoned, his inability to sleep through the night, how he has to scan even pathfinder for weapons when he comes into his house. crypto is an mental and emotional disaster

085. DESCRIBE HIM IN THREE WORDS. stoic. resilient. paranoid.

087. HOW WOULD CRYPTO DESCRIBE HIMSELF IN THREE WORDS? genius. prepared. determined.

[unimpressivethief]

Meet the muse:

Rules: Answer in-character. Repost, don’t reblog.

► NAME ➭ “Names’ Lilac Alstad. Mom used to say I got my last name from a Vikin’ in our family like a billion years ago. That’s pretty cool I guess.”

► ARE YOU SINGLE? ➭  “Yep, no one can stomach me long enough to date me. But hey, if you’re lookin’ for a literal disaster, you can hit me up.~”

► ARE YOU HAPPY? ➭  “I’m indifferent. Actually content might be a better word. I’m startin’ to feel more at home, comfortable even.”

► ARE YOU ANGRY?  ➭  “Gotta lot of reasons to be but I’m too lazy to be angry all the time. Rather take a nap or somethin’.”

► ARE YOUR PARENTS STILL MARRIED? ➭  He pressed his lips together in a frown. He looked bitter almost. “No. They were never married. My father is a sperm donner at best. He’s dead to us.”

NINE FACTS!

► ‘BIRTH’ PLACE ➭  “Snaeros of the Fjallkonan region. Ya like snow? Do ya like a lot of snow and ice? Extremely dangerous rocky mountains? Boy do I have a region for you! Hah! As if a foreigner can handle that place. You’d be dead in less than a week.” There was a smug little smirk on his face.

► HAIR COLOR ➭  He twirled a piece of hair between his fingers, “Know it’s hard to tell but if you squint hard, my hair is purple. It darkened over the years.”

► EYE COLOR ➭  “Lilac like my name. Told they sparkle like the lilac ice roses that grow in my home village. They’re rare and it’s a big deal if you come across one. It’s said you’ll be blessed with a gift by the guardian Pokemon. Touched one once but I don’t really remember what happened... Weird.”

► BIRTHDAY ➭ “December 15th. Mom really wanted to have me on Christmas but I came early. She was out choppin’ wood and boom it was time for me to come.”

► MOOD ➭  “Content. Haven’t you already asked me this?”

► GENDER ➭  “A guy I guess...?”

► SUMMER OR WINTER ➭  “Winter! Reminds me of home, also it’s totally the most romantic season.” 

► MORNING OR AFTERNOON ➭  “Afternoon. Fuckin’ hate mornings. Everyone is always so god damn loud. Like shut the fuck up, some of us don’t sleep at night.”

ABOUT YOUR LOVE LIFE!

► ARE YOU IN LOVE?➭  “Wouldn’t you like to know.” He stuck out his tongue instead of answering.

► DO YOU BELIEVE IN LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT? ➭  “Yes and no. Happened to me once but it didn’t end well. Like to think if it’s real love it’ll work. Maybe. Or maybe I’m a dumb romantic.”

► WHO ENDED YOUR LAST RELATIONSHIP? ➭  “It was mutual. We were just bad for each other. No hard feelings but we don’t talk anymore either.”

► HAVE YOU EVER BROKEN SOMEONE’S HEART? ➭  “Probably. I’m a dick.”

► ARE YOU AFRAID OF COMMITMENTS? ➭  “I’m afraid of fuckin’ things up more than I’m afraid of the commitment. I sabotage my own happiness usually.”

► HAVE YOU HUGGED SOMEONE WITHIN THE LAST WEEK? ➭  “No but I have been hugged. The grunts literally have no boundaries and it’s only gotten worse since becoming an Admin. Buncha babies. Can’t believe Plumeria deals with it so well.”

► HAVE YOU EVER HAD A SECRET ADMIRER? ➭  “Probably. I’m a famous thief, who wouldn’t want a piece of that?” There’s that smug grin again.

► HAVE YOU EVER BROKEN YOUR OWN HEART? ➭ “Often. Sometimes you gotta let go of somethin’ you really want. It’s for the better of everyone involved. I’m not exactly the best person to get involved with anyway.”

CHOICES!

► LOVE OR LUST ➭  “Both! I want love but if all ya gonna give me is sex then I won’t complain either. Sex is great.”

► LEMONADE OR ICED TEA ➭  “Am I gettin’ them for free or...? If I had to pick, lemonade. I like lemons and sour things.”

► A FEW BEST FRIENDS OR MANY REGULAR FRIENDS ➭  “Keepin’ friends are hard, I only keep a select few close to me.”

► WILD NIGHT OUT OR ROMANTIC NIGHT IN ➭  “Both! I love a wild night as much as the next guy but I also like spendin’ alone time with my partner. Sex could happen with either so I win either way.” 

► DAY OR NIGHT ➭  “Night! The most fun things happen at night.”

HAVE YOU EVERS!

► BEEN CAUGHT SNEAKING OUT ➭ “Multiple times. Mom kicked my ass every time.” He frowned again, looking rather sad, “Except this time she didn’t catch me and she doesn’t know where I am.”

► FALLEN DOWN/UP THE STAIRS ➭ “Multiple times. I get stupid drunk too much.”

► WANTED SOMETHING/SOMEONE SO BADLY IT HURT? ➭  “Who hasn’t? Sometimes you just have to accept you’re never goin’ to get it and move on.” He doesn’t look much happier over that question either.

PREFERENCES!

► SMILE OR EYES ➭  “Both. Both can tell a lot about a person.”

► SHORTER OR TALLER ➭ “Both. Love it when I’m taller than someone but it’s kinda hot when they’re taller than me.”

► INTELLIGENCE OR ATTRACTION ➭  “Attraction. I’m no genius. I don’t expect anyone else to be overly smart just to impress me.”

► HOOK-UP OR RELATIONSHIP ➭ “Both. I want a relationship someday but I’m always down for a hook up.”

FAMILY!

► DO YOU AND YOUR FAMILY GET ALONG ➭  “Gah, more family questions. Let’s just say we don’t talk.”

► WOULD YOU SAY YOU HAVE A “MESSED UP LIFE” ➭ “I would say so.”

► HAVE YOU EVER RAN AWAY FROM HOME ➭ “I did and I never went back.”

► HAVE YOU EVER GOTTEN KICKED OUT ➭ “I kicked myself out so my mother didn’t have to. She wouldn’t have anyway. She supported me no matter how bad I fucked up but I fucked up too bad that time and I wasn’t goin’ to drag her into it. It was for the best... I guess.” A frown remained on his face.

FRIENDS!

► DO YOU SECRETLY HATE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS ➭ “If I hated someone, they wouldn’t be my friend now would they?”

► DO YOU CONSIDER ALL OF YOUR FRIENDS GOOD FRIENDS ➭  “I guess so?”

► WHO IS YOUR BEST FRIEND ➭  “My ‘Mons”

► WHO KNOWS EVERYTHING ABOUT YOU ➭ “My ‘Mons again.”

Tagged by: Stole this from @floralcalavera​ ! I have done this before a long time ago but I wanted to do it again now that more is known about my muse and I’ve grown into him more. Wanted to show off his story a bit! Tagging: Whoever else wants to do it!

[straydaddy]

*Sips more of my Sephiroth tea*

Sssoo. We do know that one ingredient of a person’s character and personality is the natural temperament the person is born with, something affected by the genetics and neurological qualities of that person. The rest is how that biological set-up reacts to and develops with the given environment. So we can assume Sephiroth’s natural-born temperament being a mixture of that of Hojo and Lucrecia, who are polar opposites as people.

Let’s try to figure out the natural temperament of Hojo and Lucrecia, shall we?

Hojo - I’m very confident that he is a natural-born psychopath without any inherent ability to feel bad for what he does to other people. Why I think he is psychopathic (born empathy-less and antisocial vs. made that by environment, which is what a sociopath would be) and not sociopathic, is because he has a high status in society and he seems to be living his dream life, a. k. a. he performs fantastically well and plays the system to benefit what he wants (in his case, his science). This takes ability to self-regulate and follow a calculated plan on how to do things, instead of acting impulsively and having melt-downs like sociopaths do.

     And just.. Look at that bulging skull of his, - it doesn’t take much brains to guess from appearance alone how much of a natural-born capacity for intelligence he possesses. He is a genius, lacks any regard for the well-being of others and therefore his primary way of viewing other people is seeing them as inferior beings and objects to use and manipulate. If he has any shreds of  prosocial feelings and instincts within him, they’re poorly developed and don’t allow him to see other people as his equals. His own observations of his own intelligence support his view that he is above everyone and he sees no problem in it. He operates in a completely different reality than the majority of other people, and I bet he knows that, feels smug about that and so forth.

      We do know that he is curious and he feels immense joy in solving problems and discovering incredible things he can create. I would say he is almost playful in this regard (and his “toys” are all living beings...). He likes to stretch his good ol’ mind muscle around things as far as he can. Damn, he’s even creative. I think the way Hojo sees himself is someone different, someone better than everyone else who’s had the joy to be born into a world where he can do the most magnificent things with science, explore his curiosity to his heart’s content. He may be human but he views himself as very separate from others because he naturally doesn’t feel similiarly as the majority of everyone else. Sound familiar?

Also. Hojo has a huge drive, he’s really darn efficient and energetic. He just keeps going like a train. Look at the amount of monsters he has made. This man runs on his sheer inspiration and won’t sleep. He is aggressive, too, and will kill or otherwise dispose of people who get in his way. He’s ain’t no mellow fellow... He’s really dangerous. 

     Hojo scores very high in the natural psychopathy spectrum, intelligence, aggression, curiosity, creativity, drive and self-confidence. He’s a wicked, dangerous, genious powerhouse of a person. Never driven my emotional turmoil, but well-calculated intent.

...

Lucrecia - Just how different from Hojo can you get? One thing she has in common with Hojo, - being intelligent because she did make it to a Shinra scientist after all. She seems to be very poorly equipped with social navigation skills, given with how Hojo could talk her into terrible things despite her personality seeming like a more good-willed one. She gives me mild Asperger’s vibes? Intelligent but veeery unprepared for how absolutely vile and manipulative can other people be, too willing to assume good about people because she herself would rather be fair to others.

     It really, really gets to Lucrecia if she discovers she has hurt someone. She can hardly cope with that knowledge at all, it makes her self-destruct psychologically. She may have followed a poor judgement, but she definitely feels for others. She felt terrible for what happened to Vincent and I’m sure losing her baby was traumatizing for her too. (That scream of wanting to hold him was just... Heart-breaking.)

     She is also a very nervous, turbulent type of person, which makes her likely to have difficulty maintaining a good self-esteem and makes her easily affected by other people’s opinions.  She is naturally someone who’s straightforward with people, - she prefers honesty and kindness, but her judgement got swayed by manipulation.

      So, Lucrecia is intelligent, scores high in empathy, suffers from social difficulty, is nervous and likely to develop a bad self-esteem, and probably the straightforward honest type who finds it hard to grasp that some people are wicked and dishonest like corckscrews because. She may be even using her own brainpowers against herself, - to rationalize and play mental gymnastics to convince herself to believe in manipulation under heavy pressure and flattery etc. ... How do these qualities manifest in Sephiroth?

Sephy boi is...

- He is absolutely impressive at keeping his calm and composure on the outside, making him good at hiding his true thoughts and emotions. He clearly withholds this information so that he could have more freedom and avoid more manipulation. He consciously breaks rules like sparing the lives of Genesis and Angeal. He can calmly follow a plan he made and lie about things to do them differently than ordered. Hojo trait? (Ofc his nobility to help friends doesn’t come from Hojo, - that’d be a Lucrecia thing..)

- But he is also absolutely emotionally turbulent inside, leading into huge disaster once all his lines have been crossed. We have seen how Lucrecia breaks down and is entirely consumed by it, and I assume Sephiroth has the same internal tendency. It’s just that he has a waaaaayyy longer patience to be broken than what his mother had.

- He always felt different... I can completely see how both Hojo and Lucrecia would’ve felt “different” for their whole lives. Be that science-loving brilliant girl who struggles with social difficulty and navigation (Lucrecia), or be that genius psychopath of a boy (Hojo)... Either way, you’ll feel like a weird outsider even without any Jenova in you. But heck, I do bet Jenova added to that.

- He gets attached to people which he certainly didn’t inherit from Hojo! In Crisis Core Angeal notes Seph has lost weight during the time his friends went missing. Hell, he’s been feeling physically sick from the sheer stress of that and struggled to eat. He is deeply affected by these things. His entire physical health gets worse when people important to him disappear, and I could see Lucrecia being similiarly strongly attached to people. Poor Sephiroth, born to be a soft and loving person but having to deal with this bs. :c

- Even though he was basically born into being manipulated, his curiosity and intelligence make him something of an independend thinker to begin with. He sniffs out information on his own even before Nibelheim, and even considers the desertion before he has deserted. He doesn’t look up to others for judgement, - he follows his own. In this, he shows the kind of intellectual independence Hojo has. He doesn’t depend on others for giving him answers, but trusts himself the most with those. Like Hojo, Sephiroth probably sees himself as the brightest mind around.

- He is extremely driven and determined just like Hojo, like darn. He accomplishes BIG things entirely on his own.

- He is aggressive, also like Hojo, but his aggression is more impulsive and more swayed by emotion than Hojo’s.

- He will deny and distrust his own feelings until they blow up on himself. Like Lucrecia denied her own feelings when Hojo manipulated her, I think Sephiroth must’ve also lived in a lot of self-denial while in Shinra. And it was disastrous when all that bottled-up turmoil spilled over. Ta-da, Nibelheim happened.

- Sephiroth is idealistic and wants things to have a purpose that he can morally justify somehow. (Yes, even when burning Nibelheim because at that moment he had decided that humans are Bad TM...) Do you think Hojo ever gave a fuck about such things? Sephiroth would never be content being just a sword that cuts nor a vessel for a gross blob of an alien, - at all times he believed in a greater purpose and some kind of moral virtue, no matter how delusional and twisted all that may have gotten with him.

[derl30]

ALTERED STATES REVIEW TIME!

OK, this tumblr is, today, a vehicle for me to review ALTERED STATES. And you (the one person who stumbled on this review two-hundred years from n- oh who am I kidding, when the aliens from A.I. who show up to thaw out Haley Joel Osment and the teddy bear who was the real hero of that movie find this) should be very excited about this. Because this movie is insane. And highly entertaining.

Yes, the movie poster looks like ass. If I told you this was a movie where William Hurt (not the William Hurt from that awful 90's Lost in Space remake, or the one who slept through an entire performance as Duke Leto in the Syfy miniseries of Dune. This is before the body snatchers got him) took ayahuasca and got in a isolation tank and it blew his mind so hard he started devolving into a neanderthal and creating dimensional portals and he couldn't stop because he was addicted to finding the truth of existence... Well you wouldn't get that from this poster, would you? So let's move on. Shall we?

The film opens in 1967 with William Hurt's character, psychopathologist Edward Jessup, already immersed in a sensory deprivation tank, whilst his colleague and “buddy” Bob Balaban (he's just Bob Balaban in everything I'm not giving you his character's name look it up yourself if it's bugging you so much) oversees.

Now, you may notice I put buddy in quotes. The reason for that is that Jessup is a self-obsessed ass who seemingly has no reason to be around other people unless he can expound to them one of his various monologues. Bob Balaban barely gets a word in edgewise throughout the entire film. Bob Balaban.

See, Jessup loves the sensory deprivation tank experience. Unsurprisingly, as it allows him to be completely alone with himself for hours.

Later, at perhaps the lamest party ever, a bunch of faculty are chilling out and listening to the Doors. Everyone we see is talking about Jessup. Why? Well, much as Jessup is obsessed with himself, everyone else seems to follow suit by being obsessed with him. One young woman, Emily, (Blair Brown) is introduced to him in this very shot below as he arrives at the party:

Notice how is framed in holy light? There is a closeup after, of him framed in blinding glowing light followed up with a zoom in on Emily's face, enraptured with this incredible dynamic man. So much so that the moment he tries to make a goddamn sandwich she starts grabbing his celery (get your mind out of the gutter) and flirting with him. Which for these two that means talking science, immediately. Talking more at each other than with each other. This is often the way with Paddy Chayefsky's scripts.

PAUSE

Paddy Chayefsky is doubtless one of the great American writers for the screen. He wrote Marty, The Hospital and Network (which is a fucking incredible piece of work). He got an Oscar for all three. He also wrote this movie (Altered States, remember? Good lord) and disowned it completely three weeks in to production. His scripts tend to have very intelligent, driven characters at the center, who monologue extensively at each other. These scripts are not attempting to sound naturalistic.

Ken Russell, however, directed the film. He, like Chayefsky, is top notch at what he does (Direct. I said he directed the film like a second ago, come on keep up). His films, like Women in Love, The Devils, (which was banned in several major countries upon release and has never been shown publicly in its full, uncut form (by the way it's a masterpiece)) the Who's Tommy, Gothic, and Lair of the White Worm are all fucking gonzo nuts. I mean like, when you gave this guy the reins, you were going to Overthetopsville and there will be no stops on this trip. And god bless! I love directors who GO for it!

You're getting the chance to make a movie. Stop hemming and hawing and hit me over the head with what you want to say! Film is a visual medium, USE IT!

I feel I might have made my feelings clear here. So, moving on...

Ken Russell and Paddy Chayefsky immediately started butting heads, right from the start. Chayefsky was a BIG deal, and he wanted control over the picture in a BIG way. Ken would listen to his suggestions on everything to lighting and set dressing, and politely tell him, “No.”, and continue being the director of the film. Chayefsky hated him pretty quickly.

He had much more control over films like The Hospital. Which, if you watch The Hospital, well, it shows. You've got great actors (George C. Scott, Dame Diana Rigg (Dame may be the greatest official title of all time)) saying great dialogue. But its just two very witty bitter people sort of expounding on topics and speaking at each other and suddenly admitting they are in love and discussing what drapes they will have to buy for their new home. It's utterly preposterous, and it doesn't work in the way Sidney Lumet got it to work in Network, by literally making one of the lead characters realize his life is turning into a ludicrous soap opera.

So of course Ken tried to humanize, naturalize, the dialogue sequences. And it works! The film feels more human than the Hospital or Network. Despite the fact that Jessup is literally becoming more and more inhuman throughout the film. One of the ways he does this is by having the character's eat, drink, and work on other things during the dialogue sequences. This is perfectly normal in film, it's called giving the actor “business” to do, during the scene. Chayefsky HATED this. “They are mumbling my precious dialogue! Chewing through it! Sucking it through a straw!” Sorry, Chayefsky buddy. It works for the picture. Chayefsky also felt the actors were too emotional with his dialogue. Right. See, they call that acting.

UNPAUSE

Which brings us back to the first meeting of Emily and Jessup at the party. They are eating during this important scene! I can just picture Chayefsky seeing this, and running to the studio brass to tattle and get Ken Russell fired (as he got Arthur Penn of Bonnie and Clyde fame fired before Ken Russell came on board).

Emily and Jessup are, true to Chayefsky form, extremely intelligent, driven people and hearing them discuss topics such as anthropology and schizophrenia is quite interesting. It's just that what is to come, film being a visual medium, will eclipse just about any dialogue, no matter how good, from our mind thingys.

The two give up on the science talk and go straight to banging on her couch. After, she asks what he was thinking about. His answer is priceless. “God. Jesus. Crucifixions.”

She smiles.

Bwahahaha! Oh Paddy Chayefsky, you sure know women.

He admits he used to have religious visions. She listens to him from the sweaty couch whilst he sits naked on the floor, and starts going on about his father's horrible death of cancer and his loss of faith. And he admits to her that he's a nut. Her response is to call him a fascinating bastard. I think Lucas may have taken notes for Padme and Anakin.

So naturally, they get married immediately.

But none of that matters because Jessup gets back in the sensory deprivation tank and has his first vision. A nightmare of his dying father and lost faith in christianity. It's pretty great, filled with foreboding hospital rooms, his father's face being covered in a burning Shroud of Turin, everything covered by horrible blood red clouds and then THIS FUCKING THING SHOWS UP AND ITS ALIVE AND WRIGGLING

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!

excuse me...

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!

The many-eyed goat is slaughtered over a gold bible and suddenly Jessups screwing Emily again and we enter a blood vessel looking thing and the vision ends and he never mentions this again. Oh. Okay,

Emily continues on about what a nut Jessup is as they make marriage plans. Her monologue:

“You're an unmitigated madman. You don't have to tell me how weird you are. I know how weird you are. I'm the girl in your bed the past two months. Even sex is a mystical experience for you. You carry on like a flagellant... Which can be very nice, but I sometimes wonder if it's me that's being made love to. I feel like I'm being harpooned by some raging monk in the act of receiving God. (Emphasis mine)

"And you are a Faust-freak Eddie! You'd sell your soul to find the great truth. Well, human life doesn't have great truths. We're born in doubt. We spend our lives persuading ourselves we're alive. And one way we do that is we love each other, like I love you. I can't imagine living without you. So let's get married, and if it turns out to be a disaster, it'll be a disaster.”

It's a disaster.

As in, by the next scene. It starts off happy enough looking, they have kids and people are smiling. And hey, wow it's seven years later! But, well, see, whoops, they are getting a divorce. Well, not they. See, he is divorcing her because he considers the seven years with her a complete waste.

She still loves him, desperately. He doesn't give a shit about her or the kids. He tells Bob Balaban this, straight up. And then starts bugging him about deprivation tanks and Hinchi Indians in South America who have sacred mushrooms that can really fuck you up.

It's at this point you would like for Jessup to be hit by a Mack truck. But the movie continues on. By the way, this is one of the kids he doesn't give a crap about:

That's right. Drew Barrymore's first role is a kid that William Hurt doesn't give a shit about. Something that William Hurt would make a career out of with narcoleptic performances in Lost in Space and Syfy's Dune. So, Emily takes the kids to Africa for her anthropology work while Jessup goes to South America to go deeper into his own creepy mind.

The Hinchi Indians agree to allow him to participate in the drug ritual. They enter their holy cave.

This shot is beautiful. At this point the film becomes increasingly gorgeous. Ken Russell has started to go into overdrive, ladies and gentlemen. Buckle. Your. Seatbelts.

The Indians grab Jessup's hand and cut him, freaking him out. They pour his blood into the drug mixture. They begin to drink. Then he takes a sip. The intensity of the film here has quadrupled. The vision begins, fireworks going off all around him. He sees cave paintings of humans and komodo dragons and this:

The proper life he left behind with Emily. He's convulsing, sweating. The Indians are all around, masked. Snakes. He's laughing in pain. Energy spills from the void. A snake under the parasol strikes and begins to strangle him. He and Emily march toward a nuclear explosion as energy pours from the cut on his hand, becoming a lizard. From within a sandstorm, Emily watches him, naked. Jessup looks at her, entranced, as the soothing sands cover them both, slowly.

It's a beautiful sequence. A perfect film sequence. I can't overstate how strong the vision sequences are from this point forward. Great visual effects work and the madman mind of Ken Russell create something unforgettable, with it's own pace, independent from the rest of the film.

Jessup awakens with a komodo dragon laying before him, ripped to pieces. The Indians and the others all claim he killed it in rage. Jessup remembers nothing, takes samples of the drug to reproduce it, and goes back home.

Back home, Jessup keeps doing as much of the drug as he can and having Bob Balaban record results. They can't up the dosage any more so Jessup hops back in to the self deprivation tank to create a more extreme experience.

In his next session, Jessup states he is having a vision of early man, hunting a deer and killing it. Suddenly he states he is one of them, killing the deer. He begins to grunt like an animal. The two pull him out. He's incredibly pale, blood seeping out of his mouth. He can't speak, and has difficulty breathing. He insists they do an X-ray. It shows that there is a vocalizing lump in the front part of his throat. Jessup claims that his body had begun to revert to a simian state. The medical doctor agrees, stating the throat X-rays looks like that of a gorilla.

Luckily his throat returns to normal. So Jessup finishes up his day by having over a student of his and sleeping with her.

Our hero, people!

At this point we hardly feel sorry for him as his body suddenly begins to twist and bulge in the middle of the night, shifting in and out of neanderthal shapes. It's a horrific sequence, disturbing as hell. You certainly didn't expect the film to shift into body horror.

Jessup feels normal after a while. but sees visions of lava explosions, the birthing of the Earth all around him. Not a good sign.

He goes to pick up Emily from the airport the next day. She asks how he is doing.

“Oh, fine.”

Yeah right.

Emily has been told what Jessup has been doing and is worried, which of course pisses off Jessup even more. The guy is obviously obsessed with reaching the truth and root of existence, much as Emily surmised earlier, and we see he has no fear of even losing his own soul, again true to her word. The only thing that allows us to give a shit about him at this point is that Emily cares for him and she's decent people, okay?

So back Jessup goes into the tank with his ayahuasca or whatever it is. Alone. The tank door opens from the inside.

The hand that pushes it open is covered in thick hair. He's devolved.

Ape-Jessup escapes the tank room and chases a janitor around the building. Again, this scene is fucking freaky as hell. We can't get a good look at this screaming animal that was Jessup.

The janitor gets a guard to help and chases after him into the boiler room, where we finally get a good look at him when he assaults the security guard and escapes.

AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!

Ape-Jessup runs through the city at night, making his way to the zoo where he kills a antelope and eats it. The Ape-Jessup sequence goes on way too long, but is nonetheless unforgettable. The makeup is much more convincing than the above picture suggests, and whoever performed Ape-Jessup did an admirable job.

The cops find an unconscious Jessup in the zoo and bring him in. Emily picks him up and questions him. Jessup admits everything that he can remember. He also admits that he probably killed that security guard. And once again doesn't seem to give a shit. Prick. He calls it the most supremely satisfying time of his life.

Even Emily seems disgusted with him. But, she's also fascinated with what he's accomplished. As an anthropologist, his transformation fascinates her. And so, she agrees to help oversee his next session. Big mistake.

Before the big session Emily and Jessup romantically reconnect, and then into the climactic session we go!

Get your popcorn ready!

After a few hours in to the session, the video monitor shows Jessup begin to literally melt apart like goo, reverting to primordial ooze, the very beginning of existence. An attempt to open the isolation tank doors blasts everyone unconscious, as light and energy pour forth. Emily is the only one left. She sees Jessup's life energy pulse from within the tank.

Rain pours down around them. The pipes on the walls twist and turn like jelly. The ground is covered with a pool of swirling fog and energy. Emily advances toward the vortex of the tank.

In the emptiness of the beginning of everything, Emily seizes the energy before her and reconstitutes Jessup.

They take him home. While he sleeps, Emily rages over the fact that she loves such a insane bastard, and can't get over him. And, then, after Bob Balaban leaves, leaving Emily alone, Jessup wakes up.

He sweetly admits that the truth he learned was that there was no learnable truth, just unknowable horror, and all that's real is human experience. And he'll be a good boy from now on. Well too bad!

Because that horrible truth isn't done with him, and it's back to goo-Jessup! Emily tries to help him, grabbing him, but this in turn effects her, turning her into a shimmering lava form of herself. Both of them begin to self-destruct as Jessup, enraged, watching her in pain, struggles to retake his humanity, slamming himself into the wall, reforming himself through sheer will and physicality. He grabs her and brings her back, mirroring what she did for him during the final session. They embrace naked in the hallway. He finally admits, “I love you, Emily.”

Fade to credits.

Awww true love!

What can I say to sum up? Awesome 80's practical effects. Genius wacko go-for-it Ken Russell directing. Out of this world vision sequences. A awake and actually remarkable performance from William Hurt. An occasionally turgid but often fascinating script by the ever ornery Paddy Chayefsky. Whats not to like?

Well, the ending is a little rushed. The ape sequence goes on for a little too long and takes up perhaps too much of the films overall running time. The central love story is, well... a little hard to swallow, but hey, I guess there really is somebody out there for everyone. Even self-absorbed, deadbeat, cheating, sensory deprivation loving, ayahuasca dropping, Harvard teachers with a messiah complex!

And on that note, aliens from A.I. Artifical Intelligence, have a good day, and don't leave poor Teddy alone with no one to keep him company!

Sayonara!

[ryttu3k]

I want to have them all on Tumblr, so. Here are my reaction posts, in order, for Resolution of the Daleks and season 12, part 1!

Resolution of the Daleks

Thoughts on Doctor Who - Resolution! Spoilers, obviously!

Okay, negative first, just to get it out of the way. Doctor Who, I really appreciate that you consistently have queer minor characters and queer couples. Just super casual and all, as it should be. Now can you please stop killing off half of said couples? Angstrom's wife, Frankie, now this young guy? It's really not cool.

Don't think the voiceover worked. I feel the prologue would have worked better with just visuals.

Again, Yaz didn't have much to do. The Doctor got a ton of action, Ryan and Graham both had significant interactions with Aaron, Yaz was... just kind of there. I'm hoping that when the show comes back in a year, now that Ryan has largely dealt with his issues, Yaz will get more attention?

UNIT was killed by Brexit?! Fuckin' rude!

Okay, on to the positive!

The Dalek was, frankly, fucking scary. Despite knowing that the Doctor would beat it, obviously, it caused huge swathes of damage and racked up a... rather high body count. Like it felt like a proper threat. Also, its ability to stop the TARDIS tracking it and stuff. Lin's terror felt extremely genuine and it was just nice and horrific overall, like - if it wasn't for the Doctor, it would feel like a genuine threat to the entire Earth.

(Also, it shut down the wifi. On New Years Day. What a monster!)

Oh man that Dalek laughter. Creepy as fuck. The Doctor dragging it in via hologram to dare it to laugh in her face? Fucking iconic.

"I've learned to think like a Dalek." Oof.

Doctor vs Dalek. Not just the physical aspect, but the mental part - the Doctor recognising the seriousness of it, but also having that element of cockiness ("Oh, mate") because, frankly, she's dealt with bigger threats. She's right when she points out that the biggest problem will be if regular humans try to engage it!

Elements of Dark!Doctor when she asks the team - almost desperately - if she gave it enough chances, if she was nice enough. Because the Doctor can get fucking scary around Daleks and she knows it. She's nice. She's friendly. But she's also the Doctor, and the Doctor has done some really damn questionable things to stop the Daleks, and she knows that. Fantastically done and I still desperately want some proper Dark!Doctor.

Really liked the parallels between the Doctor using scrap to make her sonic screwdriver, vs the Dalek using scrap to make its armour. The Doctor makes a tool, the Dalek makes items of war. Of course, well, the Doctor is probably more dangerous just with a swiss army sonic than a Dalek blaster...

I love how the whole, "Dads are complicated... so I've heard" bit could refer to either the loom thing or the Doctor having actual parents or the Doctor being a shitty dad themself XD

Graham was so excited to show off the TARDIS! Like he's just going, "How cool is this?!"

There were some legitimately funny moments! Graham's chair, "I suppose... we'll have to have a... conversation?", "Junkyard chic"... UNIT was killed by Brexit like that's so awful but. But in a kind of funny way.

Okay, now the unsure. Ryan, Graham, and Aaron. Ryan and Graham have sorted out their issues - but Aaron is still such a big overshadowing part of it that it's a bit of a shock when he comes back in. As someone with a similarly shit biological father, I was completely empathising with Ryan in the coffee shop conversation. And I do understand why they wanted reconciliation, so they showed Aaron as acknowledging his bullshit and Ryan ultimately choosing to forgive and save him.

But it's just... not that easy. It's not all going to be perfect just because they stopped a Dalek together. Aaron's neglect hurt Ryan really badly, and it just felt... too easy? Like it helped that Aaron was genuinely contrite, and that he had that good stepfather talk with Graham, but just... yeah, not sure how I feel about it, honestly.

The Doctor's first words to him being, "You weren't at Grace's funeral. Ryan waited for you, you let him down" were so, so good. Like the Doctor is just going "fuck you I'm his father now". Like tbh I think she was 100% prepared to yeet him off the TARDIS and be done with it. Like damn don't emotionally hurt one of her crew.

Some wonderfully savage lines, though. The Doctor's, "You're almost making up for your parenting deficit!"; Aaron and Ryan's, "Is that how you talk to your dad?" "I don't know, he's not been around"; Graham's fucking smirk when Ryan pointedly calls him 'Gramps'.

I did see a suggestion that would have made it much better - instead of the Dalek capturing Aaron, it captures Ryan. First, it ups the threat in the mind of the Doctor and Team TARDIS - this isn't some dickhead, this is one of them. And instead, it's Aaron who reaches out to Ryan, Aaron who risks his life, Aaron who has to come through for Ryan, instead of the other way around. Also would have tied in beautifully with, "Family isn't about DNA, or a name. It's about what you do, and you haven't done enough."

Also, 'srs tech skillz'. With a Z. Doctor why.

In conclusion, I am going to fight Nigel Farage for killing UNIT.

-

Spyfall part 1

Current response to Doctor Who: making a near-literal SDKFJHGSDASDKFH sound, grabbing a cushion, nearly throWING THE CUSHION.

More intelligent commentary when my brain comes back online.

-

Okay. Am calm. Am good! We're good.

MAJOR SPOILERS for Doctor Who: Spyfall, part 1!

So yeah I actually literally screamed (kind of... scream-laugh-holy-shit-yes). Like, even before Dhawan finished speaking the, "Or should I say spy... Master?" line because of the way he had said 'spymaster' in full in the line before and there's nothing that grabs my brain like that one word in that one context. It wasn't quite as mindblowing as the Utopia reveal, since, let's face it, it's only been a season since we last saw that magnificant arsehole, but still.

(Actually, since I didn't watch Twelve's run, the last time I saw them was exactly a decade ago in The End of Time, broadcast New Years Day 2010. And I still fucking cry over, "Get out of the way." So. That may have been why I literally screamed lmao)

I mean. It's the Master. I can't not. They're my favourite jerk. This is probably slightly concerning.

Anyway. Comments!

The good

Episode was just flat-out exciting. It reminded me both of the Three and Ten eras, a bit? Fun gadgets, fancy suits, and what ends up being a giant game! Did start wondering when they were talking about spies and codes and stuff. It's basically a puzzle that's been set up for the Doctor to solve. Plus, the way she was pretty much enlisted into it! Thirteen and Dhawan!Master might end up having a more Pertwee-Delgado-esque dynamic, maybe? I would be down for that!

(My introductory episode to the Master was The Mind of Evil. Let's just put it that way XD)

"I'm her best enemy." <3

I mean, in retrospect, isolated house full of high-tech stuff and a wall full of books about the Doctor... oh honey. Long, looong game of playing Spies and Conspiracies just for, apparently, the sheer funsies of it. Oh, honey. They're such a disaster and I love them.

The reveal scene, Jodie's acting. The way she just... freezes and hunches in on herself. She's been hiding her past more than other Doctors have in the past, and suddenly, here is her past!! Right here!! Laughing and joking and right there in front of her! And she's just like, "Ohhh shit, I was not ready to have this conversation again..."

Yasmin and Ryan's dynamic. I do like that they split up the usual combos of Thirteen-Yasmin and Graham-Ryan for once, because I do like seeing the way they play off each other! It makes them feel more cohesive as a group. I liked Ryan trying to comfort Yasmin after her experience.

Post-reveal, I'm now wondering if the weird zappy forest thing is the Master's TARDIS? Something to do with changing and processing DNA into something else? Something based around neurons, with the electric travelling system? Am also wondering what happened to Yasmin while in there, since she seemed to be processed in some way, and I'm wondering if she had part of her DNA rewritten as well - or maybe if she's been replaced entirely, like she's currently piloting an alien version of her own body while her actual self is still in there. They did already do that with Flesh!Amy, though.

Once this arc is over, I think Thirteen is definitely going to have to sit down and tell the Fam who the hell she actually is. Graham is having some serious questions, and the Master was definitely egging that on, pre-reveal.

How much do I love that even in a tux, the Doctor still has the culottes and boots? A lot, that is how much. Also, how much do I love the Doctor in a suit and on a motorbike? A lot, that is how much.

"I've had an upgrade." <3

Thirteen playing Snap. It's okay, Thirteen, you still win my heart <3

"Worst! Uber! Ever!!"

"Kisses!" Yes, we know ;) They've been texting! Someone write me a WhatsApp chat fic with plenty of subtext and double meaning, I require it. Also, memes. You know it's true. The Master isn't a Time Lord, they're a Meme Lord.

"Everything you think you know is a lie." Season hook? :o

The hmm

Main concern is how they're handling the Master's characterisation? Last we saw, they were so ready to jump the Doctor ship. Now it's back to games. Kind of wondering if that means the Master is just at the point of being resigned that they and the Doctor just don't work and so is going back to games because at least it makes them happy, but I'm happy to wait until next week to see how things play out!

Did see a suggestion that this is the Master from one of the alternate universes (or at least that seems to be the general consensus on why there were multiple maps), so not actually necessarily the same version as Missy. Alternatively, this could actually be a pre-Missy version! Maybe between Simm!Master and Missy, since we never actually see that regeneration?

Actually, if this is the one immediately before Missy and this two-parter ends with the Master regenerating and we actually do get Thirteen and Missy together on screen I may cry.

(Like I'm aro-ace and agender but I'm still so gay for both of them. There is no word other for this emotion other than 'I'm gay'.)

I kind of wish someone had double-checked the name of the company because VOR running the world is. Is. "Right now, VOR is more powerful than most nations." Just. *pinches bridge of nose* Like okay you know how we say 'oh yeah just google it' 'yeah I googled it' are they really gonna say 'yeah I just VO

'I'm going to V

I can't say it. I can't.

Apparently the Australia scenes were filmed in South Africa. Kind of assumed it wasn't really Australia as soon as I saw actually greenery in the background h e h.

Highkey wish I could have seen Missy and Thirteen together. Dhawan!Master is very fun so far but. Missy and Thirteen. See comment above about the Master's characterisation!

...ABC are you really going to keep to Thursday night broadcasts even after the UK switches their Sunday nights / our Monday mornings? Well that's a good way to guarantee I'll be watching them online first! I was happy to wait twelve hours or so so I could watch it with Mum, but like hell I'm going to wait three and a half days!

In conclusion, am dead, send help, is it Monday morning yet?

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Spyfall part 2

Thoughts on Doctor Who: Spyfall, part 2!

GALLIFREY LOOOOORE.

Oh man I'm hyped. We got a teeny teaser to the Timeless Child way back last decade but now we may actually get to see what the fuck is going on. And hell, if nothing else, at least the discovery is being teased to be so devastating it did undo Missy's characterisation. If this incarnation of the Master is after her, at least. Still not necessarily anything to suggest that. The Master will likely be recurring over this season, so we'll find out more, at least!

God, the Master is so fucked up. Like. He's seen something apparently so massively traumatic that he had to destroy his own planet and legitimately does look broken by it? Unless he was acting, but I did not get that impression from the message at the end. And the only way he can think of to get the Doctor's attention is to start his old tricks? Not sure if it's better or worse for him to be pre-Missy tbh.

It's just... such an interesting dynamic. Also I really want to read into the whole... scene where the Master asks the Doctor to kneel and call him 'Master' in front of everyone - then, when she does (defiantly! Stubbornly!), he... kneels to be at the same level as her. Like, "I'm going to play these BDSM-esque power games with you but when it comes down to it, I still consider us equal."

Anyway the Master is def a service top.

This comment from Tumblr user upslapmeal:

"'why would it stop? I mean how else would I get your attention’ what did I say about the Master being like a cat knocking things off shelves"

I mean. Yeah.

"Contact." Old school.

The Companions! They get a capital C because they were rad as hell. I love them all deciding that what they do next is: carry on to save the world. Like they're all heroic af without the Doctor and it's so good.

"Don't make me do a soft-shoe shuffle!"

And questioning at the end, oooh man. There are some Implications there, yeah. They've found out some surface information, yes, but no real hint at the deeper trauma. And given what this coming season is hinting at, I strongly suspect we will indeed be getting that deeper trauma and maybe even Dark!Doctor. Gallifrey does tend to bring it out of them...

The whole on-the-run thing seemed to definitely be a callback to Sound of Drums. Uh, what's that going to do long-term? Send out a worldwide message saying, "Sorry, our bad, they're fine"? I mean, last time that happened... okay, Jack was already with Torchwood and so is used to Not Really Existing, but Martha definitely couldn't go back to fuckin' medical school. She ended up at UNIT and then went independent. They did not return to their normal lives.

Barton: needs a goddamn punch. He killed his mother what the fuck. On the plus side, at least he seems to have thoroughly destroyed his career? Be interesting to see if he reappears later, you don't go from the most powerful person on the planet to massive pariah overnight without Repercussions.

On to our guest characters! I hate to brag but I guessed who Ada was as soon as I heard her first name and saw her outfit. I mean the computers theme was already there, who else would she be? :D And I admittedly didn't know who Noor Inayat Khan was except in passing, but still. Little upset about the erased memories (Donna ;_; ), but I can see why the Doctor did it and like... this way, I'm glad they were able to avoid the implications of, "Ada only developed computing because she had already seen the future." Like people said that with Rosa Parks even though the Doctor said explicitly to only ensure there were enough seats filled and the act itself was all Rosa, so they may have wanted to play it safe.

I... really want to comment on how Ada definitely was crushing on the Doctor (and really, who wouldn't?), but she was a real person so I shall avoid those implications. (But really though!)

Doctor how many times have you been in someone's liver. This is some Magic School Bus Inside The Human Body bullshit and I love it.

Doctor's recording: "First of all, you're not gonna die! Second of all, don't talk back to the screens, obviously I'm a recording and I can't hear ya. Third, don't panic. Especially you, Graham."

Graham, panicking: "I'M NOT PANICKING!"

Doctor's recording: "Yes, you were! And I did just say, don't talk back to the screens!"

Graham: "????!?!!"

I want an entire series of the Master having a really infuriating seventy-seven years on Earth. Please.

Comments on continuity issues regarding that, "It's worse than Jodrell Bank!" "Did I ever apologise for that?" "No." "Good." exchange XD;; Like people are going, "Continuity error!! It was the Pharos Project, not Jodrell Bank!!" and like. Pharos was a project. Jodrell Bank is an observatory. You can do projects at observatories. Also, you can refer to projects by location, too. Am I referring to the Canberra Deep Space Communication Project or Tidbinbilla Station? Both! They refer to the same thing! In the Whoniverse, they likely did the Pharos Project at Jodrell Bank, and just had some lighthearted bantz about that time where the Master killed the Doctor, no biggie.

So, onwards to... an apparently unrelated episode for next week! Also, the Kassavin? Still there. Like. The Master only gave suggestions. They still have all those agents everywhere! They're still ready to act! And yeah, now they have the Master in their hands, so... I wonder if they'll make the Timeless Child a long, ongoing arc, and have the much more immediate threat of the Kassavin as the season finale?

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Orphan 55

Thoughts on Doctor Who - Orphan 55!

...whew.

First thought: anvilicious, but some anvils need to be dropped, because, uh, have you seen the world lately.

It feels like quite a brittle episode? Even beyond the immediate tension of 'there are large angry creatures trying to kill everyone', there's just this sense of... like, tension. There's the tension between Benni and Vilma, which at first is kind of a sweet tension then becomes a life-threatening and sad tension. There's the tension between Roger Parslow Silas and his dad, with Silas not being taken seriously (although I do think him running out while they're in life-threatening danger is a bit much). The obvious and major tension between Bella and Kane that drives the whole episode, yes.

And there's also the tension amongst Team TARDIS! The episode starts with the Doctor still in Some Kinda Way about last week, and I felt a bit of tension between Yaz and Ryan? She seemed rather unimpressed by Bella, at any rate. I do like how organic the relationship between Ryan and Graham feels, at least. "It ain't the aliens that are gonna kill me, it’s worrying about you!"

Set and costume building, I felt, was kind of... eh? I liked how Tranquility itself looked, but the tunnels looked Very Generic, and some of the looks I felt didn't really work. Silas and his dad's green hair just looked very obviously fake, and I saw a description of Hyph3n-with-a-three looking like a cross between a Jellicle Cat and John Candy in Spaceballs (which... yeah, honestly). And I'm not sure about the Dregs, although I did initially have the thought that whatever the original inhabitants of the planet were, they must have been humanoid was amusingly accurate...

"I just pulled this out of a friend of mine! >:("

"Oh! ...We do not make any judgments on our guests and fully support any way you choose to enjoy yourself here at Tranquility Spa! ^_^;;"

"... ... ...It wasn't recreational! o.O"

God you could feel Hyph3n-with-a-three's embarrassment...

"If I had crayons and half a can of Spam, I could build you from scratch!" Excuse me I am at least Tofurky.

Also a logical issue on the whole journey to find Benni, because frankly, it just wasn't... sensible. Okay, bring a kid. Father of the year right there. Okay, bring an old woman. Granted, she could have insisted because it was her man-friend they were looking for, but surely she would have known she would slow them down? Her 'heroic sacrifice' felt very wasted, because dammit, she could have survived if she had stayed in the Dome where it was at least a bit safer!

"At least three eighths of a plan, right here! ...Two eights. I'll be honest, all I've got is the letter 'P'..."

So the Doctor is almost at the point of passing out from oxygen loss but hang on, let her first indulge her curiosity...

The sheer existence of orphan planets is very depressing. The sheer fact that there's at least fifty-five is very depressing.

There's an interesting comment about how straight after discussion of the reveal, the first shot of the preview is the Statue of Liberty. Very Planet of the Apes! (No apes next time, just Tesla vs Edison!) Also feeling a strong connection to Midnight (stunning resort on dangerous planet with a very personal enemy), and I saw a comment about Thirteen unintentionally The-End-Of-The-World-ing the Fam (and making a connection between 'very angry trees' and the Forests of Cheem). Bit of Ravolox. Bit of... fuck what was it... Curse of Fenric.

Although, we know that the Earth will eventually be consumed by the sun, and it was done in a way that was like... it was its time. This was not its time, was a colossal fuck-up on a planetary scale (and the Doctor continues to be 'eat the rich'), but it's also only one potential future. Which is good, because that got dark. Even more than The End of the World, even more than Utopia, even more than fuckin' Frontios, because this is the near-future. The shots we saw of the destruction were modern day! That was the Dome of the Rock you saw getting bombed!

"Be smarter than what made you." PAGING THE GOVERNMENT...

Going to put it on a solid... maybe 7/10? Some really good elements in there, but also some clunkers, and unfortunately not a patch on the same writer's It Takes You Away, which was one of the strongest of the last season.

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Nikola Tesla’s Night of Terror

Thoughts on Doctor Who - Nikola Tesla's Night of Terror!

Opinion before episode: man, Tesla's cool. Opinion after episode: man, Tesla is fuckin' cool! :D That was a well-done personality-based historical, absolutely - I think it's my second-favourite personality-based historical only to Rosa (there are other pseudo-historical based ones set in the past that I love, but they're not personality-based; the Human Nature duology is a good example).

But yeah, Tesla just came across as a really, really cool character. Genius and he knew it, yes, and the real Tesla did have some questionable views (sexism, mostly), but otherwise the archetypal Idealistic Genius who wants to change the world for the better. Contrast with Edison, who was... a businessman. With, like, a really punchable face. Still pretty intelligent, but... very, very punchable. I've read about the Tesla-Edison feud before and always sided with Tesla, and let's face it, so did the writer XD

Good mix of character combinations - with a lot of characters, it's easy for someone to get sidelined, but this managed to handle Thirteen and the Fam, and Tesla, Dorothy, and Edison, pretty well. There were some neat combinations, like Ryan and Dorothy bonding over the sense of adventure, and Graham and Edison's confrontation; I also really loved the whole conversation between Thirteen and Tesla on the joy of just... creating. There's actually a very nice overlap between arts and sciences.

Antagonists - not bad? I feel a lot of people were expecting the Racnoss, and there was such a similarity that I would have liked at least a throwaway line about how the Skithra were related or something. Ooh man she definitely brought out Dark!Doctor, though. Teleporting the queen back to the ship, specifically so she can be fried? I mean, she might have survived it. Might. And just that fantastic little change of expression when the queen asks the Doctor if she's ever seen a dead planet before! Whittaker pulled that one off.

There's a very interesting compare and contrast between the Skithra and Edison, I found. Thirteen has her speech about how once the Skithra are gone, they won't be remembered. Caput. Forgotten. They left nothing behind. Compare and contrast to Edison, who was openly accused of using other people's work, but who's able to learn from his mistakes, end on an even(ish) setting with Tesla, and who does get remembered. Which kind of stings, honestly, if you look at Tesla's actual history.

Like. Apparently that, "The man just didn't understand the American sense of humour," line was an actual historical line, according to Tesla's own records. The absolute main reason for the difference in fame and recognition is that Tesla was a genius who didn't know how to market. Edison was a marketer who could invent a bit. So in conclusion Edison is a dick and Tesla needs more respect, the end.

Favourite lines and scenes:

Tesla: "Is - is this your own design?" Thirteen: "I made it! Mainly out of spoons! :D" Tesla: "You're an inventor! :D" Thirteen: "I have my moments." Tesla: "I knew it! So you... so, you can understand how it feels, you know, when you have an idea, and - and to make it real. I don't think there's any greater thrill!" Thirteen: "I couldn't agree more." Tesla: "You... you spoke of aliens. People here laugh at the very idea." Thirteen: "But not you." Tesla: "Well, apparently I'm not like other people. It can be difficult, you know, to feel no one else sees the world the way you do. It's like you're, uh..." Thirteen: "...out of place."

Graham: "Yeah, still. I bet you'd jump at the chance to have him back working for you, wouldn't ya?" Edison: "Yeah?" Graham: "Yeah!" Edison: "How d'you figure that?" Graham: "'Cause I had a supervisor like you at my old depot. And men like you don't pay a bloke that much attention unless you think there's a payout comin'."

Thirteen: "I wouldn't go killing me and Yaz. 'Cause Yaz... can tell you what this is." Yaz: "It's a camera!" Thirteen: "Bingo!" *FLASH!*

Edison: "I couldn't figure it out either." Tesla: "The internal dimensions transcend the external." Thirteen: *GRIN* Edison: ._.

Thirteen: "You do realise, it's killing Edison that they want you and not him? ;D"

Graham: "Don't worry. This ain't our first rodeo!" Ryan: "We've never been to a rodeo." Graham: "...you're not helping, Ryan..."

Thirteen: "And what are you queen of, exactly? A stolen ship and second-hand guns? A queen of shreds and patches. You're not a ruler, you're a parasite." Queen: "And what are you? So clever, stealing onto my ship, taking what I claim as mine. But where has it got you? No weapons. No armour. No escape. Just the desperate hope you might change my mind." Thirteen: "No, we are way past that. I gave you your chance." Queen: "A chance to be like you?" Thirteen: "A chance to evolve. But you were too stupid to take it. When you die, there'll be nothing left behind - just a trail of blood and other people's brilliance. No one will even know you existed."

(Side note: I love that this speech was actually in front of the companions. They're starting to see that things are Not Okay.)

Thirteen: "Don't give up." Yaz: "Whatever anyone says." Tesla: "Well, let them talk. The present is theirs. I work for the future... and the future is mine."

Favourite incorrect lines:

Thirteen and Tesla, firing at the ship: "VIBE CHECK!"

-

Fugitive of the Judoon

I'M GONNA... NEED A HOT MOMENT TO PROCESS THAT...

-

WELL I. UH. OKAY.

lmao I'm serious I don't even know where to begin.

Uh, some very disorganised comments on Doctor Who - Fugitive of the Judoon!

I squealed when I heard Jack's voice then saw him in the flesh. I gasped audibly when 'Ruth' broke the glass. I yelped when we saw the buried TARDIS. I MAY HAVE SCREAMED A LITTLE WHEN 'RUTH' INTRODUCED HERSELF.

(Also can we talk about her outfit. That was on point.)

I'm getting a very... very early vibe? She didn't know what the sonic screwdriver was, and that was introduced with Troughton. Since we saw the Hartnell-Troughton regeneration, she must be pre-Hartnell? Maybe a Doctor whose memories were rewritten to the point that they thought the Hartnell incarnation was the earliest? Not to mention that was a pretty old-school-looking TARDIS!

Alternatively, maybe between Troughton and Pertwee? Either option has some inconsistency - if she's post Troughton, she should have known what the sonic was, although it admittedly did look very different. Plus, her TARDIS is already its police box shape, which was implied to have set in the junkyard. Also, we never actually do see the regeneration between Two and Three, and it could explain why Gallifrey was after her - she escaped after her trial after The War Games!

Definitely early, though.

Alternatively alternatively, Thirteen actually does say 'time is swirling around me'. Maybe an alternate timeline. Something to tie back to the Timeless Child?

"I've lived for thousands of years, so long I've lost count. I've had so many faces. How long have you known me? You don't know me. Not even a little bit."

That wasn't just aimed at the companions. I feel that was aimed at the Doctor themself.

(Related: the response from the fam was flat-out beautiful. Doesn't matter who she was or who she'll be. They know her now, and they love her.)

Just. Wow. Wow.

Really cool note from Twitter - disguised name was Ruth Clayton. Ruth = 'friend, companion'. Clayton = 'of the Earth'. She literally named herself 'friend of the Earth'.

"You're probably a bit confused right now."

I mean. Yeah. Confused and intrigued and what.

"Don't do points! I do points! Points are my thing!"

Jack. Jack. Smooching Graham, hitting on all the companions, getting into Shenanigans! The Lone Cyberman - I wonder if that's a totally different crisis that isn't even related to the current Gallifrey-Timeless Child one? The more important part is Jack's presence - the presence of another time traveller with a... unique relationship with the universe. The actual warning could be a red herring, but Jack showing up anywhere in the first place is a sign that something is happening with time?

Orphan 55 had a timeline that may or may not have been the 'real' one. Being only a potential future kind of doesn't work with what we know of established DW continuity, so I'm liking the 'alternate timeline' theory, maybe?

Ryan: "I liked him. Kind of cheesy."

Yaz: "But good cheesy."

Thirteen, smiling: "That's Jack."

Graham just standing there going, "He kissed me tho? ...Wasn't bad, actually."

"Is she safe?" Jack, honestly, is she ever safe?

"When she needs me... I'll be there." Oh yeah, he's so coming back later this season.

Also, Judoon, chameleon arch, the Master, Jack - getting big season 29 vibes here and that's a big thumbs up for me because that's my favourite season. We just need Martha to make an appearance now!

...hehe honestly, between Jodie's entire existence, and now, in the span of five episodes, introducing Dhawan!Master, Gat, and now Jo Martin as the first black female Doctor, and reintroducing Jack, one of the most overtly and openly queer characters on the series, the 'Doctor Who is too PC!' bunch are going to be so mad XD

"A platoon of Judoon... near the moon." / "Look at you, your platoon of Judoon near the... that lagoon..."

Man. The close-up in the very first shot of the watch. Nice tie-in.

"The Doctor never uses weapons!" "I know! Shut up! >.>"

Where do the Kasaavin come into play? Is this something they've done by integrating themselves throughout time and space? Maybe they're fraying the fabric?

My mind is blown. I can't wait for the rest of this season :D

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[Part 2 - Praxeus to The Timeless Children]