#facing literal life threatening dangers just for them? check

[naruto-is-baby]

whatever soul crushing romantic thing happens to you I'm sure it has already happened between naruto and sasuke

[howtofightwrite]

Since adrenaline makes it easier to ignore pain, I’m wondering how severe an injury can be before adrenaline isn’t enough to allow a person to keep fighting

Fatal.

The scary thing about adrenaline is that you can suffer a mortal wound and not realize it until you drop dead. If you've ever seen the, “humans are space orcs,” meme, adrenaline is a big part of that. If you don't finish someone off, they are still a potential threat until they are clinically dead.

While it may seem slightly comical, the image of someone literally checking themselves for holes after being shot at is a real practice with genuine purpose. If they had an adrenaline rush, they might not be able to tell that they've been hit, and will need to physically examine themselves to ensure they're not bleeding to death without realizing it. (And, yes, that can absolutely happen.)

As a general rule, anything that will immediately kill someone, such as decapitation or catastrophic head trauma, will stop someone through an adrenaline rush. Destruction of the skeletal structure, (which is to say, destroying joints), might not completely stop them, but it's an injury they won't be able to power through (even if they aren't immediately aware of it.)

It's a little worse than I'm making it sound, too, because you can suffer non-fatal injuries during an adrenaline rush, and then aggravate the wound to the point that it becomes life threatening (or life-altering.) An adrenaline rush can, potentially, persist for over an hour.

In most cases, the adrenaline rush will drop off within a few minutes of the threat passing, though the state of threat is assessed by your brain, so your psychological state heavily affects that. Meaning, if you feel threatened, even if the actual danger has passed, the rush could continue (though it will usually drop off after, roughly, an hour.)

The “good” news is that an adrenaline rush will not prevent you from bleeding to death. So, if someone has been shot multiple times and is bleeding out, they'll still lose consciousness. You just need to make sure that they're actually incapacitated. Not that it matters, but as a minor up-side, adrenaline is delivered via the circulatory system, meaning if you start seriously bleeding, that's your adrenaline rush going with it, so the rush is likely to drop off prematurely in the event of fatal blood loss.

I'm not completely sure what the subjective experience is there. Catastrophic blood loss during an adrenaline rush is not something I have personal experience with, and my experiences with bleeding while dealing with an adrenaline rush is more just that bleeding is an extremely annoying inconvenience, when you don't need to consider what's happening. (To be clear, that's not just a glib dismissal, being aware of bleed was actually annoying. It might sound hilarious to be pissed off at your own blood leaking down the side of your face, but that was my experience. Also, for the record, I did not feel the gash that I was bleeding from, and angrily rubbed it a few times before realizing I'd been injured.)

The short answer to your question, “how much severely do you need to injure someone through an adrenaline rush?” You need to kill them.

That said, killing them is absolutely not your only option. Less than lethal devices, such as tasers or chemical sprays, can absolutely incapacitate someone under an adrenaline rush, without severely harming them. Similarly, restraints, and other submission techniques can be used to hold them down. In the case of restraints and submission holds, there is a danger of the individual injuring themselves, while they try to work their way out of the hold, but that risk is still vastly preferable to killing them on the spot.

Adrenaline is a very potent survival tool, in your physiology, and if you try to simply overpower that tool through direct force, it will lead to catastrophic consequences. However, alternative methods (in particular, shorting out someone's nervous system with a direct electrical charge, or simply interfering with the mechanical structure of their joints, can be just as effective at stopping them with far less dire consequences.

-Starke

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[im-probably-crying-rn-ngl]

fuck it, book recommendations based on your favourite driver

+ age rating, summary and rambling disguised as explanation as to why

if your favourite driver is Lewis Hamilton...then i would recommend Carrie Soto is Back by Taylor Jenkins Reid

(historical sports fiction, standalone) "Carrie Soto, a fierce and determined retired tennis champion, comes out of retirement at thirty-seven to reclaim her record and face personal challenges, coached by her father partnered with the man she almost opened her heart to, in Taylor Jenkins Reid's novel about the cost of greatness and a legendary athlete's epic comeback."

the connection between this book and lewis is what inspired this whole post in the first place. a comeback story even if you have proven all there is to be proven? trying to beat all the odds against you even time? being an all-time champion AND an underdog? there are so many links that can be made between carrie and lewis not just with their careers and relationships but also what adversities they have had to face. idk but is this like manifesting that lewis is going to be "back" for his 8th wdc?

if your favourite driver is George Russell...then i would recommend A Good Girl's Guide to Murder by Holly Jackson

(young adult mystery thriller, book 1 of 3) "In 'A Good Girl's Guide to Murder,' Pippa Fitz-Amobi reexamines a closed case, challenging the conviction of Sal Singh for Andie Bell's murder, unearthing hidden secrets that threaten her safety as she seeks the elusive truth."

ah mr wannabe investigator (we all saw him checking out that redbull) but seriously there's something we grussell sprouts must enjoy about someone who seems so straight-laced and uptight be absolutely blatantly unhinged both on and off track. it's just so george to choose literal murder inquiry as a school project, from the ambition bordering on arrogance of believing a high schooler could do what the authorities couldn't to the genuine heartfelt sincerity in wanting the truth and to bring justice for those already deemed outcasts by society. he's OUR good girl that's not-so-secretly "bad".

(main ship are george and alex coded btw like im just saying)

(+ bonus rec bc i am incredibly biased) if your favourite team is Mercedes AMG Petronas F1 Team (had to google the name for the nth time)...then i would recommend The Green Bone Saga by Fonda Lee

(adult fantasy, trilogy, best books i have ever read) "The Green Bone Saga is a fantasy trilogy by Fonda Lee, exploring the intricate power struggles and conflicts within and around the Kaul family. Set in the fictional city of Janloon with ability-enhancing jade as it's lifeblood."

my faves with my faves. mercedes aren't a national institution/emotion (ferrari), a team (red bull racing), a villains' lair (ashton martin) or a pop band (mclaren) but a family. a dysfunctional, awkward, barely concealed hot mess of a family, but family nonetheless. chasing victory while trying to survive the horrors of life and each other is the merc way and you will see the same in this trilogy. *toto voice* loyalty!

family is duty. magic is power. honor is everything. <- literally them

if your favourite driver is Oscar Piastri...then i would recommend The Lightning Thief by Rick Riordan

(young adult fantasy, book 1 of 5) "In 'The Lightning Thief' by Rick Riordan, seemingly troubled teenager Percy Jackson discovers his divine lineage as a demigod, embarks on a perilous quest with his friends to prevent a war among the gods."

wow guys i don't know what to tell you except oscar JACK piastri, SON of nicole and chris piastri, might literally be percy JACKSON (i have connected the dots, you haven't connected shit). your guy might have had a former illustrious career in undertaking dangerous quests and asking greek gods to pay child support, you should check.

if your favourite driver is Lando Norris...then i would recommend Magnolia Parks by Jessa Hastings

(adult contemporary romance, check tws, book 1 of an ongoing series) "In 'Magnolia Parks' by Jessa Hastings, a tumultuous love story unfolds between the beautiful and self-involved London socialite Magnolia Parks and Britain's notorious bad-boy BJ Ballentine, as they grapple with a dysfunctional relationship marked by heartbreak, secrets, and the enduring pull they feel towards each other."

picked this based on vibes, just pure vibes but immaculate ones. the drama, the glitz, the glam yes but also the family, friendship, and love found within the pages of this series. this is british gossip girl. i am telling you there is a vision here people.

(+ bonus review because this might be the only book on this list that has less (3.84) than 4+ stars on goodreads and i can't do him and y'all dirty like that: i personally didn't love the first book but the series really comes together and you truly get invested in these characters and their happiness, actually pretty excited to read more.

also if nothing else it's fun, just some brain popcorn)

if your favourite driver is Carlos Sainz...then i would recommend The Wrath and the Dawn by Renée Ahdieh

(young adult romance fantasy, check tws, book 1 of 2) "In a land ruled by a murderous boy-king, Shahrzad vows vengeance for her friend's death and becomes the next bride of the tormented Caliph Khalid, discovering unexpected love as she navigates the perilous palace of secrets and stories, torn between survival and the promise of retribution."

wow like you think he didn't step out of a magical retelling of 1001 nights? mhm but let's leave aside the fact i am still not convinced otherwise. carlos this year has shown his insane mega ultra galaxy brain, so i believe the plot of the wrath & the dawn would be something that would resonate with you. the quick wit and guile of the mc as she tries to carry out a revenge plot while trying to not get executed is only comparable to carlos coming up with his own race strategy mid race and cementing himself as the only non-rbr race winner in 2023. wow.

if your favourite driver is Charles Leclerc...then i would recommend The Song of Achilles by Madeline Miller

(historical romance fantasy, standalone) "The Song of Achilles by Madeline Miller is an Iliad retelling, focusing on the deep and complex relationship between Achilles and Patroclus."

he has that sadness in his eyes that you only see in tragic greek myths etc etc. i will have to say, achilles walked so charles leclerc could race. *soft longing sigh* il predestinato and aristos achaion, the predestined and the best of the greeks. beloveds born and bathed in golden light. it just makes sense to me.

if your favourite driver is Alex Albon...then i would recommend Beach Read by Emily Henry

(adult contemporary romance, standalone) "A romance writer who no longer believes in love and a literary writer stuck in a rut engage in a summer-long challenge that may just upend everything they believe about happily ever afters."

i mean alex is a living-breathing romance novel of a man. BUT it hasn't always been sunshine and rainbows (helmut marko if i catch you). so i think any emily henry book but especially beach read captures the ups and downs of alex's journey so well compared to just any ole romcom (...but if i had to give one for the alex enjoyers then it would be Better Than the Movies by Lynn Painter, coincidentally also george and alex coded lmao).

but was it his remarkable drive back to f1 or the recent holiday beach pics that was the reason behind this rec? i guess we will never know

if your favourite driver is Logan Sargeant...then i would recommend Howl's Moving Castle by Diana Wynne Jones

(young adult fantasy, book 1 of 3)"In 'Howl's Moving Castle' by Diana Wynne Jones, eldest daughter Sophie is cursed to age prematurely, the key to break the spell lies in the enigmatic Wizard Howl's castle. Sophie embarks on a quest to confront the Witch who cursed her all the while unraveling hidden truths about herself and Howl."

"let's bring it in and call it a day - let's look after of you." to "that's my girl" pipeline and vice versa. i know what you are.

but logang (the only one i know frfr) you deserve it okay? a cozy lil fantasy full of whimsy and wonder. tuck in and have some tea and cookies, pookies.

(i wanted to do the full grid but keep the teammates together and i haven't yet come up with something for all of em so there will be a part 2...? hopefully...?)

sources for summaries: thestorygraph and goodreads

[thefiery-phoenix]

PLATONIC YANDERE MANAGER KIM X READER (MANAGER KIM)

Manager Kim as a dad would be insanely protective of you and a literal definition of a helicopter parent and rightfully so considering all that he's been through in his life with crackheaded mafia bosses and North and South Korean gangsters chase after him and the military and whatnot. Needless to say, he's lived a really rough life and he'll be damned if he let anything happen to you and Minji because of his past. He'll do his best to shield you from the horrors of his past and make sure you only have happy memories and things to think about

He's a bit sad that Minji seems to dislike him but takes comfort and solace in the fact that you like him. You cannot have friends till he runs a full background check on them and after rounds and rounds of interrogation to find out their intentions with you, only then will he allow you to hang out with him, of course, you'll have to call him every 10 minutes and he'll know about your location anyway because of the GPS tracker he's installed on your phone. Plus, you have your older sister Minji looking out for you too so everything will be fine

Everything else is secondary, you're important to him, more than you know and can imagine. He would literally murder and kill anyone who dares to have the thought of harming you and Minji. In fact he has. A few weeks ago a new bookstore opened up near your house and you were pretty excited to check it out since you had a fondness for books. He allowed you to explore it only if Minji could accompany you as well, which she would have done in the first place, she's equally overprotective of you as well with the overwhelming and constant urge to protect her younger sibling from danger and guide them in the time of their need

The bookstore was a quaint little place and you loved the cozy aura and warmth it radiated. While you were busy checking the books out, a few men who appeared to be members of the Yakuza entered the store. Minji instinctively rushed in front of you and threatened them to leave as they simply sneered at her. One of them leered at you with a wide grin on his face as he spoke "Boss will be happy to have a cutie like you in bed with him... or if he doesn't want you, don't worry, I'll take care of you and show you a good time... we can share among my pals too if you want~" Minji got livid at the garbage they spewed as you felt disgusted and slightly scared about what these men might do to you. You didn't have fighting lessons as a kid and you definitely didn't know how to fight a full grown man from the Yakuza

A few seconds later, you heard a few men groaning in agony as you noticed two people move with lightning speed, disarming the men and tactically fighting them. You took a closer look and couldn't believe your eyes when you saw your dad and his friend, Hansu Seong just dodging their punches with ease and delivering punches and kicks like it was nothing. Your dad had a chain with him as he wrapped it around the neck of someone and chocked him with it till he passed out cold. You stared in admiration as Hansu leaped at a great height and kicked his opponents, rendering them with agony and brutal pain

After they ensured you were all right, Manager Kim got you out of that damned bookstore immediately. It turned out they belonged to one of the most prominent yakuza gangs of the country and were sent since your dad had a tiff with their boss. After this incident, you weren't allowed to go anywhere without him or Hansu anymore. He kept a strict eye and monitored your electronic usage as well, limiting you to only an hour on your phone or laptop while he's in the same room with you. There are reports of hackers installing malware into computer systems, he just wants to keep you safe from harm

You'll soon grow weary and fed up with this lifestyle of not being able to do your own thing anymore. You can reason, argue or even cry for that matter with your dad but he won't budge from his decision. As much as it pains him when you're upset, he can't risk your safety. Your safety is more important to him than anything else. It's not like you can exactly ask your dear older sister Minji for help anyway, she'll know what you're planning and instantly report it to her dad and the two of them will shut down whatever idea was forming in that head of yours without even getting to execute it. If you have a diary you can bet your allowance she WILL read it, every page and every word

It's not like she wants to invade your privacy or anything, she just wants to know more about you and keep a protective watchful eye over you like any good older sibling does. If you have a crush or someone broke your heart, she'll inform your dad about it immediately and before you know it that particular family will leave the country as soon as possible. Your dad and your sister like spoiling you with whatever you ask for, anything you ask, you receive except for your freedom of course

You can't really go ask Hansu or Jincheol for help either, Jincheol will just egg Manager Kim on with how risky things are outside for a young little thing like yourself and you need protection. You can't trust Taehun and Dabin either, they'll snitch on you anyway to their dads and their dads will inform yours and before you know it, you'll have a whole squad looking for you if you ever thought about running away or escaping. Surprisingly not even Taehun will assist you in running away, he'll just swat you on the head and tell you to forget the idea and go back to your dad. You clearly aren't meant to be alone in a cruel world

I guarantee you, it won't even be 5 minutes before your dad finds you and will just carry you like a sack of flour with a stoic expression. However his heart is bleeding with pain and regret, not because of his parenting but because you felt the need to run away since you obviously thought he wasn't showering you with more attention. "I recommend some nice hot dinner and a good night's sleep to forget about the night you've had... it's dangerous what you've done" said Hansu, his voice a bit stern as he adjusted his glasses. "As much as I'm all for having fun, you did give your old man a damn heart attack running away like that, don't do that kid..." said Jincheol as you were carried back home. You sighed in defeat and realized dejectedly that there really was no way out for you. Might as well just give up. No one would help you anyway, not even the police officers who know all too well about your dad's records with the government. No one wants to mess with an ex war veteran after all, not unless they have a death wish...

[soupthatistohot]

BSD: An Absurdist Analysis - Chapters 7 & 8 (Part 1)

Yosano and Kyouka: The Agency’s Women

[Masterpost]

I will be covering chapter 7 and 8 different from how I usually do these analyses, focusing on certain characters rather than the linear narrative. These two chapters revolve around the introduction of Yosano and Kyouka into the story, so I will focus on them for this post and make another ch. 7 & 8 post regarding other aspects of the chapters. 

So, let’s talk about Yosano!

This is her introductory chapter, spotlighting her personality and eventually her ability. One of my favorite moments by far is when she’s apologizing on Atsushi’s behalf for bumping into a rude, wealthy and entitled man who then kicks her in the face and she replies by threatening to stomp on his dick.

Later in the chapter, after Motojiro Kajii begins the bomb threat on the train, the same man begs for Yosano to save him after realizing she’s with the agency, perhaps hinting to the reader that he’s now had a change of heart… but then asks her to step on his dick. Appropriately, she drop-kicks the pervert. 

This highlights the absurdity of sexism and classism in modern society, the man flaunting his wealth earlier and insulting Yosano for being a woman, and is still unable to get over his bigoted ideology when his literal life is in danger. One would like to think that a woman being part of a powerful detective agency would earn the man’s respect, but in reality, this is not quite so true. He just wants to reap the advantages of having Yosano on his side by offering to pay her, but still objectifies her in the end. It’s a nuanced criticism that doesn’t magically solve sexism/classism by Yosano simply existing as a badass woman. 

This continues with Kajii’s interaction with Yosano, where he remarks that “women are so tough nowadays,” implying that it’s not in women’s nature to be strong. His sexist assumptions already put him at a disadvantage, because although he acknowledges Yosano’s strength, he still thinks himself more powerful and her stupid for trying to defy him.

In chapter 8, he calls her a “girl” and questions her intelligence, to which Yosano retaliates, calling Kajii "an idiot."

She’s goading him into injuring her here, knowing that her own ability will only work if she is on the brink of death, and it works. He drops a load of bombs on her, ignorantly assuming that there’s no chance of her survival. When he checks on her again, she uses this to her advantage, attacking him and effectively putting him in his place. 

Earlier, he had basically tried to mansplain death to her, not knowing who she was or what her background is, so she reveals her status as a doctor and explains her ability and understanding of death, threatening him.

After this, she half-kills Kajji and uses her ability on him enough times that she gets the information she needs and is able to speak to Atsushi over the intercom, allowing him to take charge of the situation. 

In summary, this chapter introduces Yosano as someone consistently overlooked because she is a woman, but she proves that she is capable and intelligent, which is not negated by the fact that she is also revealed to be borderline sadistic. It paints a nuanced portrait of a female character that will be further explored with her backstory much later in the manga. 

Now, let’s shift focus to Kyouka. 

Kyouka is silently present throughout chapter 7: capturing Dazai at the beginning and bumping into Atsushi at the train station. We know she is a threat, likely affiliated with the Port Mafia, but she is kept mysterious until the conclusion of chapter 7, using her appearance as a young, quiet girl as a cover until then. Atsushi tries to warn her against going toward the bomb before she reveals Demon Snow, who is being controlled by Akutagawa at this point. 

Continuing into Chapter 8, Atushi is shown to have been pretty injured by Demon Snow, and when he asks why a young girl like her is there, she reveals her very innocent interests and fears… and the fact that she’s killed thirty-five people in the last six months. 

Pairing the seemingly normal and even sweet personality traits consistent with a young girl with the fact that she’s an assassin is jarring, those two things do not belong together, and yet, in this absurd reality, there exists and girl who likes rabbits and has caused death. It’s absurd. 

After battling with Atsushi some more, she reveals that the bomb is strapped to her chest, reiterating her body count. Atsushi implores her to “express herself,” telling her that there’s more to life, imploring that they stop. Yosano then interrupts and Kyouka hands over the switch, only for Akutagawa to reveal through the phone that there is no way to defuse the bomb and it will go off regardless. 

She then pushes Atsushi away, attempting to jump off the train, and he then realizes that the phone controls her ability, that she has no autonomy and did not want to commit the murders she did. She has no autonomy. 

But rather than be resigned to her fate and allow herself and everyone on the train to die, Atsushi’s words seem to have affected her, and she decides to sacrifice only herself, jumping off the moving train.

While I cannot label this action as explicitly absurd (she believed she was dying either way and had completely lost hope), the fact that she’s rebelling against what Akutagawa wanted her to do, something she was unable to do thus far, is significant. I also think it is noteworthy that her ability is being controlled by a man, rendering her mostly unable to control her own actions, her hopelessness allowing for this. This appears to be in theme with the feminist lens these chapters seem to be taking. 

But as we already know with BSD, there is no situation that is completely hopeless, and Kyouka’s intended act of sacrifice allows Atsushi to jump out after her and save her, the bomb detaching from her chest far enough from the train that nobody gets injured. 

Kyouka will be further developed in future chapters, so I’ll wrap this up here at the end of chapter 8. What I will bring up is Kyouka’s similarities to Dazai, especially in his younger years. This is by no means an original idea, as many others have brought up this point on social media, but I do think it’s worth noting considering that the two share a certain amount of nihilism, which is only perpetuated by the toxic environment of the Port Mafia. Here, we see 

Kyouka taking her first steps toward breaking from this mindset, taking direct action so that nobody else got killed, seemingly the first decision she’s made for herself since her parents’ death. In this moment, she's reclaimed her autonomy.

This post is long enough as it is, so I’ll end it here. I will be making another post soon about chapters 7 and 8, focusing on Dazai’s capture, Kajji’s ideology, and Atsushi’s actions.

[Previous] [Next]

[lythea-creation]

Psycho - Mariam x fem reader

summary: When Mariam is bullied again, (f/n) doesn't hesitate to stand up for her. But will it mean anything at all?

warnings: bullying

word count: 925

Author's note: Feel free to check out my Masterlists and make requests. No reposting please! Reblogging, comments and requests are always appreciated <3 If you like the story/my writing, please don't be shy to say it via comments or asks! It takes you a few seconds and might make my day. It's the best appreciation you can show to a writer you like.

Requested? Yes

----------------------

I was horrified to see Mariam's diary entries floating through the hallways. And all of that just now that she had started to get better.

I stormed through the whole building to find her and after a while ran into a bunch of girls in the bathroom, Layan in the center of course.

It did not take me long to realize that Layan was reading out Mariam's diary. I snatched it out of her hands before she even noticed my presence, taking her off guard.

“What the hell are you doing?”, she exclaimed.

“How can you even live with yourself?”, I questioned. “Do you seriously feel better by ruining other people's lives? That's pathetic. I can't believe you're all standing here and siding with her.”

“Watch out what you're saying”, Layan threatened me, getting closer by the second.

“Or what? I'm next?”, I challenged her.

“Wouldn't want to find out if I were you”, she alluded. “You know what I can do.”

“You mean hide behind a bunch of people because you can only feel strong if you have the upper hand?”, I shot back.

I heard some of my classmates gasp at my words.

Without any warning Layan pushed me forcefully to the ground, leading me to hit my head on one of the stalls.

“Who are you to talk?” She was towering over me now. “You're a total weirdo. You've no idea what life's like. By the way, did you read any of the diary entries? Maybe you wouldn't judge me then. This psycho is a danger to all of us.”

“Why? Because she has feelings that are not socially adapted? Oh, no! She wrote all of them down to work through them instead of living them out and hurting somebody”, I mocked her. “Unlike you who's literally hurting me right now. And none of you is doing anything against it. Just keep on watching and standing by. I wonder if you will hope for someone to stand up for you when you're in such a position.”

“The teacher is coming”, somebody suddenly announced, which led them all to flee the scene.

“Go to hell”, Layan remarked and kicked me in the gut, then in the face.

When the noise faded away, I could hear soft crying.

“Mariam? Are you here?”, I wondered.

“I'm sorry”, she cried.

I pushed myself up and looked around to find the stall she was in.

“Can you unlock the stall, please?”, I requested.

She did.

Her tear struck eyes met mine for a second and I almost started crying myself at the sight of her.

“I never meant you to get hurt”, she proclaimed.

“I'm fine”, I brushed it off, tasting the blood of my split lip. “It'll heal in a few days.”

I sat down next to her, trying not to groan at the pain of my ribs. I hated to admit it, but Layan actually had a pretty strong kick.

Silently I handed her diary over.

“Thank you”, she whispered.

“You know it's not true, right? You being a psycho. They are”, I noted.

She nodded timidly, like she was not believing it at all.

“You're the most inspiring person I know. No matter what happens you never give up. Even now that everyone's against you, you showed up at school and didn't take any shit from anyone. You're strong”, I declared.

“I'm not”, she stated. “But you are. You were standing up against Layan despite being at a huge disadvantage. And all of that without being concerned by it.”

“Of course I am. It concerns all of us when something like this happens. But especially me when it's about you”, I confessed.

“Why would you say that?”, she inquired.

“Because it's true. There's nobody at this school I care more about”, I proposed.

“But why? Sorry, I just don't get it. Didn't you hear them? I'm the last person you should consider at all.”

“Can you please stop talking yourself down? It hurts”, I declared. “It's bad enough that I can't stop the others from doing it. I feel so useless!”

“What?”, Mariam exclaimed, turning around to face me. “You're doing everything you can. How could you think that you're useless?”

“Well, obviously I'm not even strong enough to protect the person I love. So how could I not be useless?”, I ranted.

“You … you love me?”, she reassured.

Shit! Now I had completely lost my cool and was paying the prize for it. The last thing Mariam needed was to deal with letting me down slowly and preserve our friendship. But I could not take it back either.

“Yes, I do. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to tell you now out of all times. You don't have to answer in any way. You already have enough to deal with”, I considered.

“If you were anybody else, I would think this was a cruel joke”, she pointed out.

“It's not”, I promised.

“You know … I feel the same way about you”, she confessed.

“You do?”, I uttered, surprised that I was getting an answer at all. Maybe I had misunderstood her because this was too good to be true.

“Yeah”, she confirmed, a soft smile taking the heaviness off her face.

I cupped her cheek and brushed her tears away, pulling her into my arms to further comfort her.

---------------------

Hey, I hope you're fine with the fact that they didn't kiss. It just kinda didn't feel right in that situation. Anyway what do you think about the Oneshot?

Tag List: @sunwoniie

[ladyintree]

i have to rant about this because i'm tired of seeing it 20 times a day in my personal activity, and i probably have already ranted here, but anyway --- 1) sammy was not in tai's care to begin with, he was with simone's parents, so even if tai hadn't left suddenly, he would not suddenly go back to her. i promise he is not still waiting to be picked up from school. 2) she was elected as senator literally a week ago, she has not been sworn in to office yet, she is not skipping out on her job, i promise her being elected as senator is still very relevant to her motivations + her ongoing arc.

mostly my frustration is the claim that "the show just forgot about tai's family" because i think that misses the point of tai's arc, which is that she literally did just ghost them. the point is that she did not care and that she, selfishly to her family and her team and to v.an, skipped town without warning or explanation because she needed help but wasn't willing to do it anyone else's way. we are supposed to be left wondering how her family is doing because tai made the selfish choice.

it's only been a few days too, but regardless, they're still mentioned throughout her arc and the show has not "forgotten" about them. she breaks down to v.an about desperately needing help because she put her family in danger, she opens up to l.ottie about this other version of herself wanting to hurt her family, she jumps when the phone rings thinking it's the hospital, and her voicemail notes that her in laws are rightfully angry with her. they're still very much a part of her arc and her motivations.

there are plenty of criticisms to give her that she absolutely has earned. she felt so threatened by simone's continuous attempts to support her + get her help that she crashed the car with her in it, then ultimately left her behind without knowing if she was going to recover. even though sammy is not in her care, she could have been there to support him through a very scary time, but she wasn't. her assistant was trying to help her prepare to eventually take office but she took her car and left it on the side of the road without giving her any explanation. but her immediately leaving town without warning, without explanation, and without actively checking in constantly herself is not the show "forgetting" about these things, it's the show making a point to what kind of wife, mother, and leader she is. she is selfish, her motivations are selfish, and it's okay to admit that because that's what her arc is telling us.

i would like a resolution about simone's recovery, but i don't think it fit into season 2 -- partly because we ended the season with tai still at the compound and she does not have a resolution herself, so it makes sense that viewers wouldn't either --- but more importantly because it seems like her season 3 arc is set up for her to try to get her life back in order, starting here. it can't be as simple as she wants it to be, but what she wants is for everything to be "perfect" again, to get her wife + kid back not out of love but out of fixing her life to make it seem right again. it can't go back to that, her family doesn't deserve to just be an accessory in her life, and it's not what's right for tai either, but that is her whole goal this season despite having left them --- she fucked up with them and she has to face her problem head on so she can circle back and make it right again, using v.an to her own benefit in the process, but tai's definition of 'making it right' is not what's right for any of them.

[callsignbaphomet]

I wanna go ahead and talk about the dynamic between Jelani and Uthorim for a second because as important to me as Uthorim and Loke are I feel that Uthorim and Jelani are as equally important.

To recap Uthorim and Loke met when Jelani was only fourteen-years-old when he and his dad lived in New Vegas. Jelani was sick with the flu, had a nasty sinus infection and a dangerous and life threatening high fever. Loke had taken Jela to the Old Fort and Uthorim just so happened to be there that night. Now skip to some time later after Uth and Lo had gone out a few times and were getting close. Jelani instantly liked Uthorim, he always had something interesting to talk about, his outlook was appreciated and on top of it all he gave the boys a new perspective on things. He also loved seeing his dad come back home with a smile on his face and genuinely happy and it was all because of Uthorim. Jelani never asked about his bio parents much for two reasons: 1. He knew it was a touchy and painful subject for his dad and 2. He never knew them like Loke did therefore there was no real emotional attachment to them. So he knew Loke had been through some shit and his dad's happiness was very important to him. Uthorim was that happiness.

On top of everything that Loke taught him Uthorim also taught him a lot of things and Uth and Jela would often hang out together and bonded. Uthorim meant stability and peace of mind and as the years passed Jelani got fiercely protective of Uthorim as he was with Loke.

When Jelani was shot Uthorim was right there with him and was also there to keep Loke in check and keeping him from doing something stupid like arming himself to the teeth and going after a "highly decorated soldier" who apparently could do no wrong and shooting a kid out of anger was apparently not that big a deal to the higher ups. [She was initially aiming for Loke but as she pulled the trigger Jelani pushed Loke out of the way and he caught the bullet instead. He recovered but they had to remove his right kidney as the bullet damaged it beyond repair]

What Loke knew about medicine was super basic so Uthorim reassured him that Jela would be fine even if he had one working kidney from that moment on.

When Jelani was reunited with Loke after being apart for almost a year and thinking he'd died because of him he was--well, I don't possess the ability to describe what that kid went through in that moment. He thought he'd killed his dad and at some point he thought about going back to New Vegas to find Uthorim but he didn't because he thought that if Uthorim found out that Loke was dead because of him Uthorim would hate him and the thought of Uthorim, a man he'd grown to love like a father, hating him would've been enough to kill him literally. But when he looked and saw Uthorim along side Loke it felt like every organ in his body had failed at that moment. He honestly never thought he'd see him ever again. For an entire week after reuniting Jelani was either closely tailing Loke or Uthorim, he didn't wanna let either of them out of his sight because he didn't wanna have to live through being without them ever again.

I also feel like the dynamic between Uthorim and Jelani's father and son relationship is different to Loke and Jelani's. Like, Loke raised him, he's been the only parent he's ever really known his entire life. Uthorim's been in his life for only four years and their relationship is really honest and raw. Yes, Loke and Jelani have a very honest and open relationship and they communicate very well but the thing is that it's still a father and son relationship and sometimes there's some stuff you don't know how to tell your parents or don't want to out of some type of fear. No, this doesn't mean Jelani's afraid of Loke. It just means that he knows his dad is very emotionally compromised. He's very well aware that since Loke was a teenager shit went sideways for him and that he's felt guilty and worried his entire life. He also knows that that guilt quadrupled after that thing that was done to Jelani happened and he's aware of his dad's anxiety so Jelani often seeks out Uthorim's advice on how best to proceed when it comes to talking to Loke about certain topics. Mainly the depression, failed suicide attempts, self-harming (he usually hides all the scars but even more so around Loke and Uthorim), the drinking and the drugs, as well as the constant nightmares, the intrusive thoughts, the flashbacks, and the panic attacks. Jelani does feel some guilt laying out all the more heavy topics on Uthorim and does worry he'll think of him as some kind of psychotic damaged goods and will be disgusted by him but he's drawn to Uth's wisdom and knowledge on things.

Yeah, I just think they have a pretty special relationship and it's honestly super adorable to me. Jela looks up to both of them and loves both of them dearly and would kill for them.

[auxiliarydetective]

The OC Halloween Challenge - Day 16

You can find the challenge here!

Today's prompt was...

She Doesn’t Like It In The Barn

Samara Morgan was forced to stay in the barn’s hayloft to keep her burning images out of her adoptive parents minds. Framer Graham Hess had to defend his home and family from aliens that threatened to kill his son. Pearl craved to be a movie star and experienced a psychotic break where she killed those who denied her her dream. What deadly passages does the farm bestow to your characters?

There was a duel for today's challenge entry and, to be fully honest, I didn't expect the winner at ALL. Like, that is literally the most obscure OC I have, or at least one of he most obscure. But you guys voted for her and I love you for that. She beat out or boy Charlie who thus didn't have to try and catch the Ghost Riders in the Sky. Good for him, he gets a much needed break! Today's winner on the other hand...

Eva slipped her phone back into her pocket as silently as she could. It would take her colleagues quite a while to get here from the police department, half an hour maybe, if they were very quick about it. But that was just wishful thinking. In the current situation, every minute, every second counted.

A rustling nearby caused the hairs at the back of Eva's neck to straighten up as if she had touched a high-voltage wire. Quickly, she ducked behind one of the crates. As quietly as she could, she pulled her gun out of her belt. She wasn't supposed to be carrying a gun. In fact, she had brought in in secret, smelling the danger that checking on this newest clue could bring with itself. An abandoned farm beyond the outskirts of Rosenheim... Usually, it would have long since been sold. That is if it wasn't for the fact that anyone who set foot on the property went mysteriously missing. Well, it wasn't a mystery anymore, not to Eva. They were dead, a pile of corpses currently lying on the ground of the hayloft right above her. Each of them had been surgically rearranged into a different animal. A cow, a pig, a goose. The barn of this farm was a murder dungeon, one she could only pray to get out of alive. Maybe she should've stayed in Argentina, she mumbled internally.

Then, the killer appeared, dressed in bloody farmer's clothes, his face hidden behind patterned fabric. Eva wanted to catch her breath, but then remembered it was quieter to keep breathing shallowly instead having to eventually gasp for air. The man walked across the ground of the barn and headed for the gate, blocking it off further with bales of hay.

Sure that the sounds she would make would be obscured by the rustling of the hay, Eva loaded her weapon. It was an old revolver, inherited from her father. Six bullets, .22 caliber. Barely enough to hurt anyone seriously. Plus, if she ever fired it, she would give herself away. It was a gamble, a gamble with death.

Eva looked at her watched. Barely two minutes had passed. She was never going to make it out of here alive. Memories started crawling up on her, as if here life were flashing before her eyes, but she pushed them away. If she had ever, in her entire life, needed to remain calm and focus, it was now.

[alovesongshewrote]

Is There a Doctor on this Plane? (Yes, yes there is.) - P2 | Eddie Munson x Reader

Plot:  Eddie faces the consequences of his run into danger, and you, a med-student, stay by his side. Or you try to. You do need to eat. [Eddie Munson x Gender Neutral!Reader] Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6, Part 7

Word count:  3,281

Warnings:  SPOILERS FOR STRANGER THINGS SEASON FOUR, VOLUME 2. hospitals, nightmares, horror elements, reader experiences mild hallucinations

Disclaimer 1: Uh, yeah, fuck netflix, and fuck whoever came up with having a "stranger things experience" in a former n*zi prison where jewish and romani people were exterminated. that's an incredibly fucked up thing to do, and i do not support or endorse it.

Disclaimer 2: I know we have fun here reading self insert fics about eddie munson the fictional character, but for the love of god do not go to his actor's house. i doubt anyone in my particular audience would get up to that shit, but still, it's worth saying.

Tags: @twistedhistory

Hours after you escaped the Upside Down, you were behind the wheel of Steve’s car. You were also in an entirely different state. And you were in a hospital parking lot. Eddie was in said hospital, Dustin was back in Hawkins, and you? You were alone.  

That really wasn’t a good thing to be.  

Every time you closed your eyes, you saw Eddie’s lifeless body lying in Dustin’s arms. You had to remind yourself that he was alive, that you had saved him, but it really wasn’t working out. All you could think of was his ribs cracking beneath your hands. All you could remember was the moment you realized his pulse had stopped. All you could see was Dustin, a child, weeping over the bloodied body of his friend because you had failed them.

You saw it happen, over and over and over again. You were so, so tired of it. You had no peace. Even when you slept all you saw was Eddie suffering and Dustin crying. All of your failures were painted out before you, and there was no escape.

What’s more, you were kind of pissed at Eddie. You didn’t want to be pissed at Eddie- what he did was brave, and he was a hero, and you loved him- but that was all part of it in the end. You loved him. You needed him. And you weren’t the only one who did. He had friends and loved ones, he had a life, and a future, and he was willing to give up on all of it for a few minutes of extra time that you weren’t sure anyone actually needed. You were so angry, and so hurt, and you felt like it was your fault- like you didn’t do enough to stop him.

It was too much. Your feelings were tearing you apart, ripping into you like the demobats had just hours before. Guilt ate at your ribs, anger mauled your heart to pieces, and grief threatened to consume every part of you.

 So, you rolled up the windows of Steve’s car, and you screamed until your throat was raw. You sobbed, mourning loudly and angrily. You hit the steering wheel over and over again, taking your aggression on a very undeserving car. You broke down, and you broke down hard, and when you were done, you just felt empty. Tired. Lonely.

You didn’t know what to do with yourself now. Eddie was safe with professionals more experienced than you. Dustin was safe with everyone else in Hawkins. Your own injuries had been checked over, and you had been discharged. What else could you do?

You felt lost- so, so fucking lost. And it made you think of your high school graduation of all things.

In your senior year, you weren’t sure what you were going to do with your life. You had ambitions, aspirations, but you were too much of a coward to consider them seriously. It was Eddie who had encouraged you to leave Hawkins. He wanted you to achieve your goals. He wanted you to succeed. He wanted you to do what he couldn’t and run like hell out of Hawkins. And you did.

You remembered the day your admission letter came in from your first choice university- he was more excited than you were. If you remembered correctly, he literally jumped up and down. You thought it was adorable, honestly, so, of course, you laughed at him. In retaliation, he pulled you up from your desk and made you get excited with him- and once you had, he teased you gently. His eyes were bright, and his laugh and his smile were blinding, shining like gold in your memories.

You remembered the day you graduated, where, once again, he was more excited than you. That night, you really couldn’t leave each other alone. While the rest of the graduating class went out to parties and social celebrations, you and Eddie had your own little party involving several movies and a teensy bit of underage drinking. You fell asleep leaning against him that night, with your head on his shoulder and his arm around your waist.  

You remembered the day you left Hawkins. He helped you pack. He reassured you when you started to doubt yourself. He helped you move your things into your car. When that was done, he found you standing in your empty room, staring at the now barren walls.

“You okay?” he asked, leaning against the doorframe.

“I am. Or, I think I am, it’s just,” you turned to face him, “I’m gonna miss you.”

“I’m flattered, sweetheart. Aaaaabsolutely flattered,” he crossed the room until he was standing in front of you, and he gently cradled your face in his hands, “But you’ve gotta leave the Shire now, little hobbit. It’s your time.”

“Hey!” you laughed, pulling away from his hold, “I am not a hobbit!”

“Mmm, are you sure about that?”

“I am not a hobbit, you dick!”  

He gasped, throwing himself back with a hand over his heart, “You wound me, you foul hobbit creature!”

“You little- get over here!” you smacked him on the arm a few thousand times until you were both laughing your asses off. Of course, you didn’t really hurt him, but that didn’t stop him from complaining.

“Ow, ow! You’re gonna leave bruises. What are your hands made of? Steel?”

“Mithril, actually,” you said with a smirk. Your smile was quick to fall, though, as you took Eddie in for what you knew would be one of the last times for a long while.

“Hey,” he asked, reaching out and poking your face, “What’s wrong, (L/N)?”

“I-” you cut yourself off, trying to choke down the tears that, to your horror, were springing to your eyes, “I’m just gonna miss you.”

“Hey, aren’t you supposed to be a doctor or something? I thought you were smarter than that.”

You pouted at him, giving his arm another whack. He laughed at you, but his voice changed from teasing to comforting in an instant, “What I mean to say is, everything’s gonna be okay, okay? It’s not like this is goodbye forever. You’ll come back and visit, and you’ll be an awesome doctor who fixes sprained bones-”

“You know it’s broken bones.”

“Do I? I mean, I’m not the doctor here, so-”

“Oh, shut up.  Y’know, you’re gonna regret teasing me one day,” you for the door, casting a glance his way, “Walk me out, would you ”

He did. He walked you out of your house, and kind of walked you out of his life for the next two years. He missed you, of course, and you missed him. But Eddie really believed that it was for the best that you escape Hawkins. You had bigger and better things to do with your life than stick around and wait for him.

And yet, that was exactly what you were doing. You were sitting in Steve “the Hair” Harrington’s car, in a hospital parking lot, and you were waiting for him. It was almost funny how much he would hate that. How much he would hate you sitting idle, doing nothing, waiting for him.  He would hate how much effort you’d gone through to save him. He would hate how much you loved him, if he knew.  After all, it was him- HIM.  He never thought he was worth it, but you always did.  

So, you waited. You waited, and you promised yourself that you would never leave him again.  

You did need to eat though. And shower. You still had Upside-Down juice all over you, after all. With a shaky breath, you started the car and went back to the dorm room that you’d left Eddie for in the first place. The dorms were relatively abandoned, your university peers taking off for the break so that they could relax, have some fun, and maybe see their loved ones. That had been your plan once.  

It was almost funny how quickly things had changed. Instead of relaxing, the boy you’d pined for years was almost instantly accused of a murder he didn’t commit. Instead of having fun, you had to fight monsters in an alternate dimension. And as for your loved ones? I feel like that question answers itself.

The door to your dorm room opened with a creak. You took a few steps in before you practically melted to the floor in a puddle of anguish. You didn’t have any more tears left in you that night, so you kind of just laid there, empty. You barely had the strength to get up and shower, and once you did, you instantly collapsed into bed. You were drained. You were done. You just needed a nap. You drifted off slowly, your eyes fluttering shut as your mind finally fell to darkness and peace.  

Obviously, that didn’t last.  

When you opened your eyes, you were back there, in the Upside Down. The air around you was freezing, and filled with those fucking particles that got stuck in your hair. You tried to take a step forward, but you found that you could not move your feet. You were stuck, frozen solid in the middle of this hell dimension.

You could hear coughing- someone choking on their own blood as they tried to gasp out their last breaths. It was the sound of a dying man. The sound was sick, wet, and at first, faint. Then, as the world around you flickered, it grew louder, louder and louder until it surrounded you. You could practically feel the desperate gasps in your chest. Your throat hurt as if you were the one choking. When you finally gained the mobility to look down, your body was covered in blood.  

His blood.

You gasped. The noise was sharp and hard, and it silenced the world around you- but only for a moment.  

The next sound you heard was the cracking of bones.

His bones, beneath your hands, snapping and giving way to the force you applied as you tried to save his life.  Your bones, snapping and bending as punishment for something- for failing him.  You’d failed him, you’d let him die, and as your mouth filled with the taste of blood, you remembered his lifeless eyes burning into yours.

And then, you didn’t have to remember.

Then, his body was on the ground in front of you, lying broken and dead, slowly rotting away as you watched. You didn’t have to remember because your brain wouldn’t let you forget.

Your breath came harder, faster, as you watched the face of the man you loved dissolve before you. Your heart raced as his skin split, revealing blood and sinew beneath it. A panic attack hit you as you watched him die, again and again.  

The screeching of those goddamned bats filled the air as you fell to your knees. You wanted to scream with them, but your voice simply refused to work. Instead, your body was racked with silent sobs as you dealt with the fallout of your failures. You could hear his voice in your head- his last words, his cries of pain, all of it.

It killed you inside, and you let it, and even when your eyes snapped open and you finally woke up from that wretched nightmare, you could still hear him.

You didn’t manage to fall asleep again that night.

When the sun rose, you just kind of glared at it before pulling yourself out of bed and forcing yourself to get ready for the day. You looked a little worse for wear, but quite honestly, you couldn’t be paid to give a shit. You had things to do.

The first thing was to get breakfast. You hadn’t eaten the night before, and somehow, your nightmare hadn’t destroyed your appetite. You were almost impressed with yourself on that front.

The second thing you had to do was figure out a way to contact Dustin and everyone else back in Hawkins. Primarily, you wanted to make sure that they were okay, and that they knew you and Eddie were alive. You also assumed that Dustin and Eddie’s uncle would either want more details on Eddie’s condition, or they’d want to venture out for a visit. Either way, you needed to communicate with them for that to work. You knew vague things about Dustin’s whole “Cerebro” project, but you weren’t sure how it functioned. If Eddie was awake, you would’ve asked him, but he wasn’t, and you were still alone. You knew your roommate had left some kind of radio/walkie-talkie thing in your dorm. You turned it on and left it that way, just in case. You were really just throwing spaghetti at the wall and hoping for the best with that one, but at this point, when were you not?.

The last thing you had to do was actually check on Eddie. You kind of dreaded that part.  

The hospital smelled like chemicals and cleaning products. Honestly, you weren’t sure what else you expected. The walls and floors were a blinding white. Fluorescents flickered slightly, lighting the building in an unsettling way. The air was chilled, which only served to remind you of the nightmare you had the night before. Fantastic. Just fantastic.

The hallways felt impossibly long- as if they stretched out past oblivion and into nothingness. Part of you wished that you could just follow them into the void, but you couldn’t. You had something more important to do.

You hesitated before you pushed open the door to Eddie’s room. You were illogically scared of what you would find behind it, kind of expecting to see a corpse lying in the hospital bed. The sad thing is, you weren’t far off.

Eddie looked like absolute shit. Dark bags had formed under his eyes. His already pale skin was borderline translucent. Dark bruises outlined his face and covered his arms. Red stitches glared at you from his pale skin. He was plugged into a billion tubes. Each of the tubes served a purpose- each one of them kept him functioning. The heart monitor at his side beeped at a constant rhythm. His chest moved slowly, up and down, and up and down, and up and down again. He was alive. You knew he was alive. Everything told you he was alive.

But if you didn’t know better, you could’ve mistaken him for a dead man. A corpse waiting to be wheeled off to the morgue. He looked so fragile like this. Weak, almost.  It felt wrong.

The nurses and doctors had done an excellent job of patching him up, a job that was far beyond your capabilities, but it still hurt so much to see him like this. It felt like it was your fault, and it felt like it was his, and you were just so tired, and so angry, and so empty, and before you knew it, you were in tears.

You weren’t sure if he could hear you crying, but you knew that if he could, this would be a special kind of torture for him. Hearing you cry, knowing that he caused it and there was nothing he could do about it? Honestly, he’d probably rather die. Sucks to be him, I guess.

You sighed, and all but collapsed into a shitty hospital chair near his bed, “You’re a huge asshole,” you whispered, “You know that, right?”

He didn’t respond. Of course he didn’t. You continued anyway.

“You almost fucking died on me. And on the kid. That’s a dick move, Munson, even if you did help save the world. He’s gonna carry that with him for the rest of his life, y’know? And Steve, Nancy, Robin, they all saw what kind of shape you were in, they aren’t gonna forget that. And I- I’m-” your voice threatened to break, “Well, you don’t need to know that, do you?”  

You paused before continuing, “You’re safe now, by the way. So is the kid. Dustin’s in Hawkins, and you are not there because I’m not in the mood to see you get your ass handed to you by an angry mob. I rolled a metaphorical nat twenty saving you last time, I don’t want to try and do that again.”

Another pause, then, “You scared me, y’know? I… I thought I lost you. I did lose you for a second there, and I mean, we aren’t out of the woods yet, I might lose you again. And I’m not the only one who would lose something. Your uncle, Dustin, and your friends.  I-”

You paused, taking a moment to dry your tears. The next time you spoke, your voice was much quieter.

“Please don’t make me lose you again. Don’t make us lose you again.”

You sat in relative silence for a few moments, just watching him breathe for a moment. The beeping of the heart monitor continued on. It was almost a comforting sound. Combined with the general chatter of the hospital outside, you found yourself nearing sleep.  

When your eyes shut, images of Eddie’s face, covered with blood and contorted with pain, flashed through your mind. You jolted back up, nearly falling out of your seat.

“Jesus-!” you exclaimed, “Jesus…”

You put your head in your hands and sighed. You tried to shut your eyes again, hoping for peace. Instead, all you got were flashes of memories that you would much rather forget. As you looked up, those flashes bled into the real world, and for a moment, Eddie’s living breathing body was replaced with a corpse.

You couldn’t take it anymore.

“Fuck,” you hissed, “I- I can’t be here right now. I have to go, I can’t-” 

You stood, quickly collecting your things. You made a beeline for the door across the room, but before you left you stopped. You took a few steps towards Eddie. His eyes were closed. He still looked dead, but when you thought about it, you realized he also looked calm. Relaxed. You hoped that, wherever his mind was, he was okay. Even though this wasn’t the best way to go about it, you had to admit, he deserved a break.

“I’ll come back soon, okay? And-” you slipped one of your hands into his, squeezing it, “And you’d better be here when I get back. Got that?”

He didn’t respond. Of course he didn’t. Still, you squeezed his hand again and whispered, “Good.”

When you got into the elevator, you completely broke down for what felt like the billionth time in the past few days. Tears fell from your eyes faster than you could wipe them away. Every attempt you made to catch your breath was met with failure. You felt so tired and so empty, and you just wanted to sleep, but you COULDN’T, because of the NIGHTMARES.  

You needed a coffee. You needed a coffee so badly. 

Not wanting to spend another second in the suffocating antiseptic-smelling air of the hospital, you took off for your dorm, almost breaking several traffic laws on your way over. The second you got in, you started your coffee maker. The soft sound of bubbling water soothed you as you removed your jacket and shoes. You collapsed on your bed and let yourself listen, trying to relax for just a second.

Just as your eyes fluttered shut, a sharp static sound cut through the calming sounds of your coffee pot.  The radio.

“(Y/N)? (Y/N), if you can hear this, come in. This is Dustin, I repeat, this is Dustin. (Y/N), if you can hear this-”

“Dustin!” you exclaimed, grabbing the radio, “I’m here! I can hear you. I’m here.”

[creacherkeeper]

happy sleepover saturday luka!!! hope you’re feeling a little better <3 for dnd asks, all the odd numbers for maxwell?? i am so into his entire deal it’s so good

omg thank u leo. and yes im feeling much better <33

What does your character typically keep in their pockets?

literally who the fuck knows whats in there. he always keeps his tools on him though. his hammer is his arcane focus so that is very close by

3. How do they carry themselves around strangers? Friends/Lovers? Family?

i dont think maxwell tends to have many different modes. what you see is pretty much what you get. he's loud, exuberant, excitable, and curious. but i do think around romantic partners he's a little more quiet and calm and pretty mushy

7. How impulsive is your character?

he is the walking picture of adhd

9. What is their favorite scent?

i think the like. very metallic scent while soldering things

11. How does your character blow off steam?

as much as he is a nerd he is pretty damn twunky and has +4 strength so i think working out and training

13. If they were a body of water, what would they be?

a river that looks super fast and chaotic on top but is actually only a few feet deep and wont actually drown you

17. Does your character swear? What’s their favorite phrase/word?

oh he swears like a sailor yeah. i think his dad always stuck with like. kid friendly swearing. so thats what max knew growing up. and then when he went to the monastery the other kids were like "no check this out &*#%#%*" and max was like. i am a changed man.

19. How does your character act when they want to seem threatening?

i think he's simply so bad at it but mostly very loud cursing and threats about how he's going to crush them with his big hammer and he's going to enjoy it (almost entirely directed at his ex boyfriend)

21. If they were a potion, what would it look like? (Color, glass shape, smell, etc.)

bright but slightly clear yellow/orange/red thats kind of always shifting around even when it should be steady and fizzes like a very carbonated beverage. and i think it smells like ozone and is in a triangle shaped bottle

23. Would your character want to be famous? Why or why not?

oh definitely. he wants to be as renown an inventor as he thinks his dad is

27. If they were a ghost, how would they haunt in the afterlife?

the sound of feet running on stairs and laughter when no one is home

29. What does your character have too much of?

self confidence .....

31. Can your character visualize actual concepts in their head? Or are they just vague thoughts?

i think he thinks like me and its like. systems and diagrams and how things fit together. like i think if someone shows him a math problem he SEES the answer diagrammed not the equation you know ??

33. How do they feel about the unknown?

very excited to make it known

37. What are some ways your character acts silly?

i think he's silly most of the time but i think his silly is very physical. hanging upsidedown from a tree branch. spinning people around in hugs. making funny faces behind peoples backs

39. What does your character believe their party lacks?

he hasn't met them yet but he's hopefully coming in next full party game!!! but probably like. a sense of honest fun

47. Do they consider themselves funny? How do they use humor?

i think maxwell is less one for making jokes and is more one to point out or emphasize humorous aspects of whats already there

49. Do they talk to themselves?

when he talks out loud he's talking to his god. but he does talk out loud a lot. he's very much just like hey bestie burnlow you are getting a running account of literally everything i am doing today Thank You Love You

51. What makes them a hypocrite?

he very much cares about truth and understanding and knowledge but is also very much in denial about literally everything about his dad

53. What does freedom mean to them?

being allowed to live the life you want and be the person you want without having restrictions or danger put on you because of that (he is a trans war refugee lmao)

57. How does the way they act seemingly contradict their ability scores?

he has +5 int and wis but dear god will he ever use that in a practical way. remains to be seen

59. What’s something your character has realized?

that sometimes pride has consequences

61. Who do they go to when they’ve had a nightmare?

definitely his dad. but i think once he joins the party probably seir or jonny g (i think him going to jonny would be funny because he's literally the most normal mild mannered pleasant middle aged man and this absolute chaos goblin 20ish year old being like @n@, jonny,,,, is so funny to me)

63. Which party member would they pull a prank on? Who would they plan a prank with?

he would prank anyone with anyone. literally always down for a prank and consequences? dont know her

67. Selflessness or Self-Preservation?

i think he's never had to choose before. he's always been prioritized and been able to prioritize himself so he's never been in a position where he needs to be selfless

69. Journey or Destination?

destination. he will enjoy the journey but is only doing it to get Answers

[a-shared-experience]

“ my dope is making people drop like flies. It’s killing people” she says in distress as my shift partner injects narcan into the right thigh of a young girl slumped over on the bench.

“O2 sat 61% let’s get her on her back and bag her. A guy I’d helped earlier just happens to wander in and hands me back the preloaded syringe we’d filled for his friends. I check the time and squat down to inject the left leg as my partner squeezes air into the lungs. “

“Oxygen is rising hold off on the third shot. 77% 91% 97% perfect.”

“Mom?”

“Huh”

“ I need my mom”

“ you’ve had an overdose babe, we had to give you two shots of narcan. Do you know where you are? “

I’m crouched down beside her and my shift partner lifts my coat and tells me to back up a little. The young girl has lost control of her bladder. She cries and asks us for pants. We don’t have any of course but tell her the peace officers can probably help her. She declines. The uniform is too frightening to request in front of the dealer.

The dealer pulls me aside and tells me she went to the clinic I recommended for treatment but they did blood work and informed her that when she experienced a sexual assault in the summer she contacted HIV. She immediately ran back to fentanyl and tries to quickly do her makeup and hide the fact that tears are welling up.

“Come here, I’m so sorry” I hold out my arms and embrace her in a hug. Her tears stream down my jacket and I just keep holding her and whispering, “ you are loved, you are valued, you are going to survive this. “ I hold her until she’s ready to let go.

“ you can talk to me anytime girl. We can figure this out and this can become undetectable, this is not a death sentence. The most important thing is not giving up. We need to find any sort of housing option, therapy and ways to adhere to the medication. That’s super important. “

“ you’re the only person I talk to, I’m so fucking dirty now”

“ you absolutely are not. There are so many options and you can lead a very long healthy and happy life. We can teach you about this. This isn’t the 80’s. I love you. You are loveable.you are not what’s happened to you.”

She’s got customers but ignores them to show me her dope. It’s not unlike one of the samples in my linen closet. I can’t tell her much other than it’s likely carfentanyl if her clients are dropping right after they take a hit. I load her up with narcan.

My heart aches for her. We often demonize the dealer but she has no income support, no family, sleeps on the street and is terrified of treatment because she just got diagnosed with a serious life threatening disease and has no meaningful way to find the support she desperately needs. It’s easier to think this is a good time to turn your life around but unless this has happened to you then you really have no idea how difficult the collective trauma can be for this one tiny girl.

We toss out a second BVM for the day. The first incident was a young boy on the north side. He and his friends hotboxed one of the elevators and they shuffled out excited to see our team. They needed wound care for frostbite , advice for severe swelling without cause , snacks , etc.

“ hey friend” i say to one of the boys who’s starting to fold up, “ take a deep breath for me ok. “

He slides down onto his knees and face plants the cement platform. His oxygen is a dangerous 41%. I need to lay you down on your back I yell as I grab him from behind. He tries to resist but his friends start yelling at him. “ bro this chick is cool. She literally bought me shoes and knows her shit. Don’t be an idiot”

“ no narcan “ inaudibly escapes his blue lips. I gaze down, fingertips are blue. Skin is pale and the chest is barely rising.

“ homie you’re gonna die without narcan this isn’t a joke. “ I say as my mind races a million miles a minute. I’ve never had a situation like this.

“ I know it’s hard to get dope bud but this is gonna be your last high, you’re fucking cutting oxygen off from all your organs. Let me give you a half shot , you need a full one but I’ll work with ya”

“ no”

I’m standing over a kid watching him fucking die. I’m legally bound not to administer narcan if the affected person experiencing the poisoning declines care.

Everyone is yelling and he starts to convulse.

“ what do we do”

I threaten to call Ems and he tells me no. Everytime we think he’s unconscious we go to administer and he magically flinches and says no. These stats are so low and not improving. This is brain damage and I can’t just fucking watch someone die like this. This is a kid- a stubborn kid.

“ bag him”

What? My coworker says! , he’s refusing care.

“ I don’t care, no narcan but he needs airway support. I’m not fucking watching this kid die”

Everyone is yelling, they are afraid , off in the corner I watch a couple of kids start to get high.

“ fuck this”

911 what’s your emergency?

I have a young male experiencing a substance poisoning, oxygen is 47 % with bvm airway suppprt, he’s refusing narcan and I’m legally bound by bystander laws not to respond. I don’t know what to do. “

“ mam i understand”

“ I’m located on the top of the platform northbound, there’s no violence but he’s cyanotic and keeps regaining consciousness to refuse the shot. “

“ help is on the way. Send someone to get an aed”

“ I need you to run and find security and ask for an aed. “ I say to my partner

I place my hand over the mask tightly around the nose and hold my phone up with my neck. I grab my bag so it doesn’t get rinsed and pull it closer to me. “

My partner stares blankly. “ a what”

She’s hella smart but this is chaotic and we’ve never had someone in such high risk for fatality be able to resist in this regard. He’s so young.

“ defibrillator. I’m good , I’ll be ok, you go”

“ you’re gonna fucking have cardiac arrest dude” I squeeze his shoulders, “ I need you to breathe bro”

I squeeze the bag

“ mam i want to count his reps on his own ok.

Everytime the chest rises, you say GO.

“1234567 GO123456789 GO 12345678 Go” I shake and stare at his chest.

“ ok provide airway support. Fire will be arriving shortly”

My partner runs over from the 4 flights of stairs and says out of breath, there’s no aed on site.

You’ve got to be fucking kidding me.

12345 squeeze.

“ you’re doing great. Fire is there”

Ok I’ll let you go.

Three huge men tower over me and ask what’s going on. Oxygen was 41 at lowest, he is cyanotic and just barely conscious enough to refuse care. Bvm airway support for 30 minutes has brought him up to 76%.

“ you did a great job. “ he says and quickly

Starts responding and trying to reason with the kid.

When Ems arrives I pull one paramedic aside and say, I don’t know if that was the right thing to do but I wasn’t sure bvm would work and I couldn’t just let this kid die.

“ you guys are awesome and legally you did everything you could do, otherwise you can be sued. Calling us was the right decision. You guys saved him. He’s gonna be ok “

I take a breath and ask them to check out the other kids swollen foot. He’s proud and doesn’t want to talk to the boys in blue. I crouch down and just get real. “ I care about you, I know you’re high and I know hospitals suck and it’s a total dude thing, y’all are idiots , did you drop something on your foot? No, did you kick a wall or something ? No. Did someone assault you or did you step on something weird? No

It’s pretty ballooned up dude. Is there pain going up the leg because you are violently shaking in pain and I know you just smoked fent strong enough to almost kill your friend so you shouldn’t feel this shit.

This is more concerning if you don’t know why it’s happening.

He cries and tells me he will go later , he needs to make money.

The paramedics join in to talk sense into him. “ bro this is serious. We can take you to a clinic. A hospital wherever you wanna go but you need a doctor”

We pass out mass amounts of narcan and talk carfentil to most as well as the latest 890 pound meth bust. “ the drugs are gonna be spicy”

The kid who almost died seems excited about that.

The kid with the balloon foot that can’t fit into a sock or a sneaker looks at me and says, “ he’s been like this lately “

“ suicidal!? Don’t listen to him. Narcan him and help your homie access medical care for mental health. There’s times when we respect someone’s wishes and times when people aren’t using their fucking heads. This will pass. He’s young man. I know it’s hard but there are options. If I can make it out , yall can ok. Get your fucking foot looked at, I got Jordan’s for you and you can’t even wear them - that’s not going away magically.

“ what do you think it is” he asks.

“ how the fuck would I know. If you have questions about drugs I’m your girl, you need some first aid , I’m your girl, bro you need a lot of things. What’s your plan”

He tells me he’s banned from transit so I ride in the elevator his friend just pissed in and get him onto the train with us. On the train a well known gang invites us to hang out , we laugh and thank them but flash our badges. They all ask for narcan. In the seat in front of me is a girl with schizophrenia, severe wounds and a bad meth addiction. I love her.

“ hey girl, you look great”

“ I am so happy to see you, you are always there on my worst days magically. You’re always there somehow. I don’t see you for weeks and then you’re here. You are so pretty. I just got out of the hospital. I am sick. “

“ can I see your leg, I won’t touch it I promise. “

She lifts the jogging pants to expose soiled bandages. She’s nearly impossible get into wound care because of the severe pain, the refusal to give pain meds from her doctors because of heavy methamphetamine consumption. You basically have to wait for her to mistakenly smoke fent and go down to get her medical attention. The wounds have at times made me almost faint. I see a lot of things out here but this is top 5 worst.

She doesn’t like many people, she doesn’t engage but I saved her life and I was there shortly after she was raped , I’ve listened to her tell me that her parents didn’t want her, they kept her sister and sometimes send money to her account. Small amounts. They don’t want a mentally ill child.

She’s stuck in our shelter system without adequate treatment for serious disorders and the pain and paranoia will possibly lead to her having amputations.

“ I got you a present you know! It’s at the mall. Ask for James ok- the cute one! I got size 13 shoes, flyknits so they aren’t tight on the wounds ok, and even a tarot and oracle deck”

“ oh my gosh are you serious! A tarot deck. I’ve always wanted one. You are an angel. I love you”

I begin walking her through each wound care provision I’m placing in the brown paper bag. Gauze, sterile water, roller gauze , adaptic, another pair of socks. “

“ make sure you go there on Monday and get shoes ok darling. You are loved. I’m so glad I got to see you. “

She hugs me and rambles a bit. Then the boy hugs me and says sorry for being a shithead.

“ you’re good , i love you bro, just be serious ok. It’s serious. You don’t need to be afraid but you need to go today. Is there anyone I can call for you ?” Nah

I look over at the gang girl, she’s been calling me sister , “ yo, make him go to the doctor, he can’t be out here reppin face tattoos and crying over a fucked up foot. That’s not a good look lol” we all laugh and my partner and I get off the train and find 8 kids down in a forested area outside of the train station.

8!

It’s very haunting to see. Everyone just walks by afraid.

I turn the corner and see my client dealing. “ bro no shade but fucking take narcan and give it out, this shit is strong” I hand him baggies for his dope and start distributing kits. Even people acting tough I just give the look to and they take it. “ this shit ain’t no joke, take care of each other “

The day is intense and we hop on the train to head back to the office. A guy strikes up conversation and is genuinely intrigued by our work. He tells us it’s his first time taking the lrt, he was completely lost and these young thug kids showed him exactly where to go and even walked with him and made sure he understood which train to get on. He then saw them approach us and ask for snacks , condoms and narcan and had to inquire.

“ I just can’t get over that those seemingly bad kids actually were super kind and helpful and respectful “

“ it’s amazing what happens when you start to engage with your community. Everyone is so diverse and has a story and to be honest so very few are “ bad” even then it’s likely they are very mentally ill and need the most help or just find themselves in a situation that they can’t find solutions for. We’re all perceived as something , we’re all a bad decision or bad circumstance away from being on the side in need of help. Life happens. “

“ it takes a special kind of person to do your job”

I enjoy talking to him and can tell that other members of the fearful general public are eavesdropping which is wonderful. It’s not often that I’m given a voice to advocate so one on one like this.

“ excuse me” I say. I quickly get up and walk down the car and trap squeeze a young girl. “ hey darling, are we doing ok”?

I find her unconscious falling into the aisle. She must have just gotten on or just slumped over, I refuse to believe I didn’t notice this.

“ good eye” my partner says to me for the millionth time today. “ i want that on my tombstone when i die. She had a good eye, two of em”

The girl is rousable but covered in fresh blood. I glove up and ask her what happened. A few white ladies are gawking at me and it’s likely a bit funny what with my new meth hoodie NO CUT NO BUFF 💪 ( support dulfs compassion club! Safe supply is the beginning of the way out of this crisis).

I am trying to clean her up and because our shift is over we are rushing a little. My coworker notices a huge lump expanding on the forehead and the girl says she’s dizzy. She doesn’t appear to be intoxicated so we ask if she wouldn’t mind hopping off at the next stop. “ I think you need Ems love. You might have a pretty intense concussion and there’s a lot of bruising and blood everywhere. Can we get an assessment at least. ?”

She agrees and asks to lay down. Peace officers call 911 for us and bring a few bottles of water.

I hand out narcan to the people in the immediate area and wait for ems to arrive to pass off care.

We had a lot of great interactions with medical responders, security and officers today- it’s almost weird.

A new guy introduces himself as having just joined the peace officers after moving from Toronto.

“ man i grew up in Toronto and thought that was wild but it’s nothing compared to this shit. This is insane. I don’t even know how you do this. There’s constant crisis”

“ welcome to Edmonton. If you need any resources let us know, we can always assist with mental health crisis, wound care , overdose , or even just communication and snacks. We try and connect with as many individuals as possible and the only thing we don’t do is violence. We avoided stadium for that reason earlier today. Violent assault on the platform as we rolled up and rolled away lol. I’ll save that for you. My name is Brett, I shake his hand”

He walks outside after I finish charting and I hit my vape in the square right in front of the no smoking/ vaping sign… in front of the bylaw officer.

“ fuck , sorry. “

“ that’s a 250$ ticket miss “ he winks

“ after today I’d probably fight ya lol”

“ I’d let you win” he winks again

“ stay safe. Ill see ya around”

I go out and make it home at 6am. It’s been a long day and a weird night and I think soon I’ve got to check myself for my escapist ways. It’s a lot- this work, this role. It means a lot to me. I’ve got to take better care of myself and maybe I need to learn the ways I’ll do that still. I want to be my best self for me and others. Be safe kids. Be safe. Today I’m hoping to rest, make more art and have a two hour grief course later in the afternoon. I don’t want to do it, there’s a lot to unpack but practice what ya preach I guess.

To some extent , at any given time, we will all struggle and maybe do risky things , we are all just trying to connect, to feel safe, to feel valued and to take our mind off a few things.

I think that’s human.

The Uber driver says he works at the mall and has seen me and my team saving lives. “ you are a blessing to this world. You do things many cannot. These are very special gifts.”

“ do you know how to use naloxone? I can show you”

[duskamethyst]

stranger danger.

a/n: did i sit on top of my car to imagine this? sure did. a part of the jujutsu hub collab! thank you vee @suna-reversed for organizing this horny event for us horny people.

word count: 3.8k

genre: smut, nsfw, pwp

warnings: dubcon, literally dumbass porn, degradation + praising kink, daddy kink, gun play, mentions of alcohol consumption, dui and death, public sex, overstimulation, squirting, creampie, implied kidnapping

pairing: criminal!toji x f!reader

summary: dozing off in a parking lot seems dangerous but it seems like the right thing to do. that is, until a mysterious man taps on your window.

you shouldn’t have trusted yourself. you’ve vowed to yourself not to drink tonight, especially when you were driving to the city by yourself. maybe one drink wouldn’t hurt, you thought. but that one drink led you to another until you eventually found yourself light headed and could barely walk in a straight line let alone drive home.

so now you decide it’s best to just stop in a random parking lot and doze off for a couple of hours until you’re certain that you’re sober and ready to continue your journey back home. thankfully the lights are on and there are a few other empty cars in the lot, giving you somewhat a sense of security.

even though you aren’t completely sane at the moment, you make sure the doors are locked, turn off the engine and roll your windows down slightly to allow ventilation. if you could avoid a possible car crash, might as well avoid dying from inhaling some fatal gas. so you push back your seat and close your eyes to let sleep take you over.

but it isn’t for long until you hear a knock on the window.

startled and confused, you instantly get up thinking it would be one of the securities patrolling the area, telling you to scram but you’re only met with a rather handsome man, tall and brawny standing next to your car.

he leans down to your eye level and glares at you intimidatingly before he speaks, “get out.”

in such a panicky situation, your heavy cluttered brain doesn’t really tell you what to do nor what the hell is happening so you only stare back at him tongue tied, unable to properly gauge the situation thanks to both chemicals in your system and adrenaline pumping through your veins.

“are you deaf?” he snarls with anger distorting his face.

the sharp eyes piercing through you coupled with the discernible scar on his lips go so well into his menacing demeanor and you’re aware he’s getting impatient. unsure of what to do, your hand reaches for your keys to turn on the engine, thinking it’s best to leave but he bangs on the window as if to tell you that isn’t what he wanted.

“i only told you to get out. so, get the fuck out. now.” toji waits for you to comply, but instead you just sit there frozen and he sighs in exasperation. “look, i have a fucking gun. and if you don’t do as i say, i won’t hesitate to shoot your brains off. you don’t need it anyway, right?”

toji fishes out his gun, waving it in front of you in warning. “and you’d be fucking dumb to think it isn’t loaded.”

the threatening sight of the firearm is finally what makes you unlock your doors and he immediately swings the door open and pulls you out from your vehicle by the wrist. toji eyes you up and down, taking a special interest in the mini skirt you don with a filthy smirk across his face. he peeks inside the car briefly, delighted over the fact that you’re all alone in the middle of the night– in some deserted parking lot, no less.

“where were you from?” he suddenly asks with less gruff in his tone. the eyes raking up and down your smaller frame so flagrantly makes you feel small and vulnerable.

you lick your lips to return moisture lost to parched skin as your eyes shift from his gun to his face. “a party.”

“a party, hm?” he does a double take on your whole skimpy outfit, sending a plethora of titillating thoughts to run in his head and waking up his primal instincts. he hasn’t gotten his dick wet for a while and opportunities don’t come by so easily when he’s a man on the run. he’d have to be an idiot to let this chance slip through his fingers.

“must’ve put a lot of thought on your outfit tonight. why don’t you give me a little twirl?”

toji deliberately taps the gun on the side of his thigh, reminding you what could happen if you either scream or run. getting the hint, you decide to entertain him, knowing well that you could end up with a bullet in any part of your body if you try to escape.

but do you oppose the idea of a sickeningly attractive man trying to check you out with a weapon in his hand? not really. if anything, the alarming nature of the affair only gives a delicious thrill to your already messed up nerves.

his predatory gaze is fixed on your voluptuous curves and the little sway of your hips as you gracelessly turn around in your heels, making blood rush straight down to his cock before telling you to stop.

“get in front of the car.” he urges.

“huh? why?”

toji cocks the loaded gun in front of you, his expression turning stern and serious once more. “no talking, just do it.”

you walk towards the front with the gun behind your head, careful not to miss your step until you’re facing your car.

“hands on the hood.” he demands, dark eyes silently watching you do as you’re told like a well-trained dog.

you’re certain he can see your ass cheeks peeking underneath the hem of your skirt as cold air hits your skin. the thought of a pair of eyes staring you down hungrily forms an anticipative knot to pull tightly in your stomach as your mind wonders about the dirty things he might and could do to you.

the next thing you feel is the cool metal of the barrel under your skirt, making you shudder as it caresses your puffy folds before dragging upwards to hike up the hem of your unbearably short skirt in favor of checking your panties but oh, what a delightful surprise– not a single thread underneath it all.

“no panties?” he bites back a groan when he notices the glistening slick coated around his black gun. “don’t tell me you’re getting off to this?”

“‘m not–” you deny meekly despite the blossoming heat between your thighs growing bigger when you feel the tip of the barrel against your drenched cunt again.

“don’t lie. you’re a little slut aren’t you? went to a party without your panties on– something tells me you’re an attention whore.” he mocks, poking the gun against your entrance only to observe your little squirms.

“not a slut!” you whine giddily as you spontaneously grind against the long barrel in seek of relief for the dull ache that has formed in your core.

“no? you’re gonna tell me you’re not jerking off to my gun right now?” he chastises with a satirical smile on his lips, feeling his cock harden even more from watching the way you’re eagerly rubbing against the gun he currently holds in his hand.

“i– i don’t know what you’re talking about.” you try not to let your words slur as you play coy, even when breaths are already hitching in your throat.

“oh yeah? ‘cause that cunt is positively leaking right now.” you whimper at his words, being bad and filthy never felt so good– especially to a man you don’t even know. “bet you want me to fill that needy cunt.”

“mhm!” you mewl, gyrating your hips even more salaciously once you manage to find an angle to rub your sensitive clit, sending waves of sensations to every fiber and nerve in your body.

“now that’s an honest little slut.” he coos with amusement lacing in his voice. “why don’t you beg for it?”

you tilt your head back towards him, bottom lip jutting out into a cute pout and eyes pleading. “please..?”

toji lets out a huff, “not good enough, sweetheart.”

your eyes narrow at him, hoping he can read the desperation in them as you call him in the softest mewl that you've used to numerous guys before. “daddy.”

“hmm?” he strokes your clit by rubbing the gun back and forth and watches you quiver with a lopsided grin across his face.

“w-want– need your cock, daddy.” you pant in a shameless expression of your need for him.

“what do you need daddy to do to you, pretty girl?” he studies the barrel, now smeared with your slick.

“need daddy to fuck me– fuck my little tight cunt.”

toji draws his gun away and raises it at the back of your head. “then, get on your knees.”

you don’t need to be told twice as you instantly turn around and face him, the gun now pointing directly to your forehead and follows you even until you’re already kneeled in front him.

“you went a little too fast there, didn’t you?” he chuckles, the sound is smoky and alluring. “so eager. now, take off my pants.”

your hand reaches up to unbuckle his belt and undo his button before pulling the zipper down and tugging off his pants and briefs hastily. your mouth waters at the sight; his thick cock is already throbbing, tip flushing red and leaking precum with a prominent vein on the underside – causing you to quickly disregard the life-threatening weapon in front of your head.

seeing you blatantly gawk at him causes pride to spiral in his chest, as if you’ve never seen a dick before. but is it bad for toji to assume that you've never seen a dick as big as his?

“getting nervous now?” he teases. “fuck that. put it inside your mouth.”

toji exhales sharply once your tongue carefully licks off the salty pre on the tip, rousing him further with only kitten licks until the barrel nudges your head in warning, forcing you to stop your ministrations.

“are you asking to get a hole through your head?” he scowls, showing apparent irritation.

“no.” you answer meekly.

“then? i told you to put it inside your fucking mouth.”

“‘m sorry, daddy.” you wrap your fingers around the base of his cock and give it a few pumps up and down his shaft in hopes to please him and calm him down. “promise i’ll be a good girl.”

“then stop fucking around.”

without a second to waste, you wrap your lips around his cock and hollow your cheeks, squeezing and milking his cock with your tongue and throat as your head bobs up and down. you graze your tongue on the underside and slowly drag upwards, following the curve of his vein before giving a harsh suck on his tip, drawing out a loud groan from his throat.

“look at daddy.”

and you do, fixing your gaze with his darker ones as you slobber his cock with so much drool and you relax your throat in order to force yourself down to the base, devouring him whole even as he tilts the gun next to your head.

“wish i had my phone right now. you should see how you look.” his other hand reaches the top of your head, holding you in place and causes you to choke slightly before jerking his hips forward and begins to fuck your throat.

squelching noises resonate in the silent air, mingled with his grunts. drool starts to seep from the corners of your mouth and tears begin to well up in your eyes as his heavy balls slap against your chin.

“boys must really love you, hm?” you can feel the tension in his fingers as he puts monumental effort into restraining himself and he finally draws his gun away. “just taking it like a good girl.”

you can only whimper around his cock, the praise making you feel hotter that you find your hand between your thighs to push a finger inside your wet cunt.

“fuck– yeah, keep touching yourself like that.” he growls, the sound rumbling in his chest as the vibrations from your muffled moans are slowly sending him to the brink of an orgasm.

you’re too immersed by your own finger pumping in and out to even care about the ache that has formed on your jaw but the moment you feel his cock twitching, you both know it won’t be long until he breaks down.

“you’re gonna swallow all of it. got it?” he states more than questions, feeling his balls tightening as he starts to lose the last remaining control he owns.

you hum in response and flutter your eyes close and you wait until his hips still before he spurts thick ropes of cum down your throat, invading all your senses with the bitter taste of his load.

once he has emptied, you pull away with your tongue gliding along his length, not forgetting to lick off the sensitive slit to clean off any remnants.

“open your mouth.” he demands. you part your puffy lips and stick your tongue out, showing your obedience to his prior order and a delightful smirk makes its way on his face upon seeing that you’ve downed every drop of his cum. “good girl.”

“to be honest, i didn’t think you’d cum quickly.” you blurt out bluntly.

his brows furrow and his face contorts into a scowl. “‘fuck did you say?”

you shrug nonchalantly. you don’t know where it’s coming from either– the alcohol still lingering in your veins or the fact that you feel beyond proud that you’ve made him, some guy who claimed that he wanted to rob your car cum so fast. “well, all the guys told me i give the best head but none of them ever–”

“get up. face the car.”

toji clicks his tongue as you blink at him in confusion and he grabs your arm to pull you up on your feet before spinning you around and bending you down on the hood with his body pressing against your back. you swallow nervously when you feel a nudge against your ass, his dick is still hard despite the fact that he has cummed just a minute ago.

“you’re gonna regret that. once i fucking ravage that little cunt, you’re gonna be begging for me to cum quick.” he leans down to your ear as he threatens, sending shivers up and down your spine.

“i’m sor–”

“no. i won’t give a shit if it hurts you or when you cry for me to stop.”

toji gives a harsh smack on the plump flesh, making you jolt in surprise. with your hands down on the hood, he lifts up one of your knees on top of the car, causing you to spread wide open in an instant before he impatiently pokes the tip of his cock against your pulsating hole.

“but that’s what you want, right?”

your eyes roll back, lips parting in an appreciative squeal as you feel his fat cock stretches you out accompanied with a delicious burn when he sinks in deeper.

“mmh– s-so big–!”

“yeah? never had a dick this big before?” toji pulls out almost completely, eyes fixed on the cock glistening with your slick under the street lights, not missing the white cream attached onto the skin.

“n-no– ah–!”

toji cuts you off with one hard slam of his hips, drilling his cock into your tight pussy in a brutal pace while you keen and whimper as it brushes against your walls, each stretch and drag inside you so exquisite while deep crescent shapes of his nails form on your pliant skin as he holds you firmly by the hips for leverage.

“no wonder you’re so fucking tight. stupid boys didn’t know how to fuck you right.” his words thrum in a burst of heat as he growls in your ear, breaking through your every thought.

you tilt your head towards him with heavy lidded eyes and meet his lust addled gaze. your mouth is gaping in breathless moans, tongue slightly lolled out from your lips as you try to reach closer to his scarred lips, wanting to crash your lips onto his before it stretches into a devilish smirk and you feel warm liquid lands on your palate.

“you looked like you were begging to taste my spit.” he mocks. toji watches as you eagerly swallow it down your throat and he lets out a brittle chuckle. “dirty slut.”

your pussy flutters upon hearing how he degrades you, causing you to buck your hips wildly against him in an attempt to meet his thrusts.

“you liked that, didn’t you? i can feel you clamping down on me like a fucking whore.” he derides, fucking you harder and deeper until your world is reduced into nothing but the way he makes you feel completely stuffed and filled, the cockhead kissing your cervix with each deep strokes.

“please– make me cum, daddy–” you keen as pressure pulls taut in your lower stomach, the slick noises are so loud that the both of you can hear them even through your moans.

your body flushes against his, so close together and you can only focus on the sounds of flesh against flesh, the salacious rhythm making you more delirious.

“then, cum for me. let me feel you gush all over me.” toji brings his fingers to rub against your clit, easily tipping you over the edge by pressing tight circles until you find yourself crashing down with an orgasm exploding throughout your body.

“you want more?” he taunts, helping you ride out the aftershock by continuously rutting his hips into your cunt and not giving you the slightest chance to recuperate.

“ah– ‘s too much–” you whimper as soon as the pleasure begins to numb and you clutch onto his wrist tightly to try and pry his hand away from your sensitive clit.

“too much? don’t think that i’m done with you yet.”

toji finally draws away from you, but only turns you around to face him and effortlessly puts you on top of the hood with your elbows propping your weight. with his hands, he spreads and keeps your legs apart before sheathing his cock back inside your pulsing cunt again, completely mindless of your pathetic sobs. he lifts up your top, not surprised over the lack of bra underneath and he intently watches the way your tits bounce with each merciless pound of his cock.

“s-stop– please–” you whimper feebly as you try to shut your trembling legs together but he doesn’t budge and only keeps his grip on your thighs even tighter, stretching out your pussy for him wider.

“fucking take it.”

toji ignores your plea and his head dips low to your chest, latching his mouth onto one of your nipples and starts to flick it with his tongue coupled with harsh sucks until he pulls back with a pop and watches as the nipple stands erect before assaulting the other, swiftly sending sparks of pleasure down to the bundle of nerves.

“might as well keep you around. be my personal fucktoy. would you like that?” he grins up at you to see your jaw slacking, mouth falling in a wide ‘o’ as the burn down your core begins to cease.

“yesyesyes– make me your slut–!” your toes curl, making your heels drop down to the ground while your knuckles turn white from squeezing your hands into balled fists too hard.

“yeah? you’d do anything for a good fuck, huh?” he sneers at you, although he’s fascinated with your state of arousal.

“mhm– need daddy to fill me up with his cum–” your back rests against the car, reveling in the feeling of his cock abusing your swollen cunt like you’re nothing but a sex doll.

“but daddy’s not gonna cum yet. not even when you’re tightening around him like this.” toji slams your hips down closer to him, fucking into you deeper and harder with his heavy balls smacking your ass.

“t-too deep–! daddy, i’ll–” you babble, losing the ability to form cohesive words as you feel a strange knot twisting rapidly in your guts. the feeling is too intense and unbearable– the refined drags of his vein brushing against your spongy walls is anything but agonizing.

“come on. use your big girl words.” he drags out slowly and quickly pumps back into you ruthlessly. “or are you too dumb already?”

“i’m gonna–”

toji lifts up your legs over his shoulders as he leans down closer to you and he nips on your pulse point, causing your body to tense as your hands find home in his dark locks and tight shirt.

as soon as he lets go, your pupils are blown wide as pleasure washes throughout your body and you feel yourself gushing around the cock still buried inside you along with a broken moan from your lips. the release is oddly more relieving than your prior orgasm, making your body feel lighter as your mind ascends to a state of euphoria. you find yourself panting heavily as you squirt all over him, staining his black shirt with clear fluid and with some of it dribbling down to his thick thighs.

“making such a mess on daddy.” he groans as he feels your walls convulse around him rapidly, milking his cock dry and slowly dragging him down to his own high for the second time of the night.

you can only look at him in a cockdaze with no particular thoughts running inside your head, each one formed gone like popping bubbles. your eyes glued onto every bit of his features; the brows furrowed in concentration, the lips parting in grunts, the damp matted hair against his forehead and you drink the sight of it all even when you’re not sure if you’ll remember it all the next morning.

“fuck– it’d be a shame to not cum inside this pretty cunt, right?” his thrusts turn sporadic, dick twitching as a telltale of his pending orgasm that’s soon to crash down over him. he didn’t need to hear your answer as he ruts into you faster, hips stuttering out of control before a low, guttural sound escapes his throat as he shoots hot ropes of cum, flooding into your womb and stuffing you full with his seed.

and once he lets go of your legs you can feel your whole body sore all over, but you can’t bring yourself to care nor whatever is going to happen after this when the man in front of you has given you what you truly wanted and made you feel satiated like you’ve never felt before.

toji pulls out his spent cock and runs a hand through his hair before putting his pants back on. a cocky smirk graces his lips at the sight of your fucked out body, still splayed on top of the hood with his cum dribbling out from your pussy.

he presses your cheeks together with one hand and forces you to look at him, even as your lids are getting heavy to lift.

“i was serious about you being my fucktoy– and stealing your car.” he cackles. “so, do you wanna be in the back seat or do you prefer the trunk?”

duskamethyst © 2020 • all rights reserved. do not modify, translate or repost anywhere.

enjoyed this work? wanna buy me coffee? :)

[gazing-at-the-abyss]

Show Me (part 2)

Whoooo... Gabriel is hard to write (or I am just rusty.) Can you tell I don't know how to write romance?😏 The text in italics is Gabriel talking and the red text are his thoughts.

Warnings: Nothing, a hint of romance/yearning, blood mention, and care of wounds! Also, sliiiiiightly possessive Gabriel if you squint. Also, ooc.

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3

What am I doing?

What am I doing?

What have I done?

You literally invited an extremely dangerous individual into your home.

Someone who attacked you, threatened you. Was probably hiding from the cops or something.

Into your space.

Into your safe haven.

Like a complete idiot.

And now they were resting on your couch and bleeding on it as well, lights out as he didn't allow you to turn all of them on. The only source of light being the living room's nightlamp. You had a feeling he allowed you to drag him in, if he didn't want to, he wouldn't allow you to go that far you reasoned.

But that wasn't your priority. You rushed down your home, scavenging for bandages, antiseptic and everything that you might need for his wounds in the darkness. You weren't sure of the gravity of them but... they seemed painful. Even his face was soaked in blood, but the hair made it difficult to determine how bad it was.

In your panicked state you didn't even notice the position of his legs...

You came to a halt, eyes widening slightly, trying to hide your surprise.

They were... twisted.

Backwa-

"Take a picture... It'll last longer."  Your phone spurred to life again startling you, almost spilling the bottle of alcohol you opened, down on the floor. Alarmed gaze stared at his rather relaxed form, blue eyes crinkled in silent amusement, body sprawled on the couch as he observed.

How could he be so calm about everything? It frustrated you to no end but you knew better than to play with fire.

"I-... sorry... didn't mean to stare... I just-" people normally don't have their body backwards and their face mangled and act so casual about it, you wanted to say but you refrained from doing so. Didn't want to seem rude to the violent and possibly murderous man after all. "Having a stranger bleeding on my couch is... unnerving. Your face... is also bleeding a lot, so..."

A soft grumble, the bastard was laughing. Irritation quietly bubbling in your chest, whether it was directed at him or you, you weren't sure yet.

"You're the one... who brought me... to your place. You didn't... have to... but you did."

"And you allowed me drag you here. I don't even know why I am even doing this looking how ungrateful you are acting-...!" your free hand immediately flew to your mouth. Oh God... oh God oh God why did you even respond like that.

You needed to change the topic quickly.

Uncomfortable silence permeated the room soon after. You could feel cold sweat rolling down your skin as wide eyes fixated on the carpet under your feet. You feel his eyes piercing you, the intensity of his presence putting you on edge. Even your phone has turned off but you could feel the electricity pricking your skin, hair on your body standing as if it had been rubbed by a balloon.

You needed to change the topic quickly.

But to what?

You needed to change the topic quickly.

"Do... d-do your wounds hurt? Are you... you... um... okay? Need me to... you know."

God... he wasn't responding, how can you-

"My wounds... they heal quickly. No need... for that."

"I still want to help."

"I can... do it myself."

"Can I at least... can I at least clean the blood?"

"Alright..."

The remainder of the time went uneventful, not much more had to be said after that. Using a damp towel you carefully cleaned his neck and his clothing to the best of your ability. You quietly insisted on him taking his coat off for you to clean it and have better access to his wounds, he dismissed it much like a petulant child would, smacking your hand whenever you would insistently pull on his clothing. He also didn't allow you to check his "back"... Made sense, probably paranoid of you catching him off-guard and such. Didn't mean it made your life easier.

You could feel the vibrations of him asking you something, phone vibrating as the voice pushed through. However, being so deep in thought, you didn't process what was asked.

He lifted his arm up towards you, palm open, waiting. Instinctively your hand shot up as well and gently grasped his. His fingers twitched, gently flexing around yours. Your hand was warm, he could feel it despite the glove covering his own. A deep, heavy feeling twisted down their throat.

It felt nice... how long has it been? Having someone touch him so kindly? Has he ever been touched like this?

It took a second, two seconds to even register what you did. Oh...

"SHIT... AH... YOU WANTED THE ANTISEPTIC, RIGHT? I AM SO, SO SORRY. HERE." As if burned, you quickly pulled your hand off and offered him the bottle instead. Tears of embarrassment threatened to spill out the longer you waited for him to take it.

Your warmth lingered for a few seconds in his palm, he wanted to keep that sensation as close and dear as it was possible. He didn't want you to pull away, not yet.

Not yet.

However, he felt he needed to grant you a little mercy. After all, you've been nothing but kind to him so he took it from your hand.

"Thank... you."

"Y-yeah..."

A minute, two passed.

"Gabriel..."

"Mmh?"

"My name... Gabriel."

"Oh... Gabriel."

You silently tried his name under your breath, gaze directed towards the ground and eyebrows knitting together in deep concentration as if trying to memorize it.

His name sounded too gentle coming from your lips. Could he even kiss you? Would you let him? What were these feelings...

You lifted your head, much more relaxed now.

"Well... it's nice to meet you, Gabriel."

A sheepish smile painting itself on your face, eyes crinkling as your eyes; eyes that held no disgust, stared at him.

He also decided that your smile was beautiful as well.

[otakusheep15]

Hey! I’m a huge fan of your work!….I’m feeling depressed and suicidal today. So I’m wondering if you can make a suicidal GN! MC planning to commit suicide and the Demon bros, Diavolo,Barbatos , Simeon and Solomon saving them. It’s okay if you don’t want to, Just take your time. Thank you and take care :)

I'm not sure how long ago you sent this in, but I hope you're feeling at least a bit better. I also often feel like that, so I completely understand.

Heavy warning for depression/ thoughts and attempts of suicide (specifically via hanging) just in case anyone wants to skip this one. Also putting a keep reading up just in case it upsets anyone. 

MC Attempts Suicide

Set up: You were done. You couldn't deal anymore. Your life already sucked in the Human World, and now you were expected to be some exchange student in literal Hell? It was absolute bull.

Your life was constantly threatened by both strangers and your supposed protectors, and danger lurked around every corner. The brothers dragged you around all over the place and you had no choice but to go.

At this point, you wanted nothing more than to just curl up and die. However, you had slightly different plans. You have no clue how, but you were able to purchase some rope without Lucifer questioning the purchase.

On a day when you were sure no one would interupt you, you put your plan into action. You stood on a chair as you tied the rope around a beam on your ceiling and then around your neck. Just as you're about to jump off the chair, someone walks in and prevents you from doing so.

Lucifer:

Lucifer forgot some papers in his office, so he came back to grab them. When he passed by your room, he heard the shuffling of your feet and then the sound of rope scratching some kind of surface. He'd noticed you seemed off lately, so he decided to check on you and see how you were doing.

As soon as he sees you standing on the chair with that rope around you neck, he drops everything and rushed towards you, catching you just before you jump. You're confused as to why Lucifer is here and, worse, why he prevented you from committing.

He was one of the main reasons you decided to do this, after all. With all of the times he tried to kill you and the constant threats, it seemed like he wouldn't care if you just offed yourself.

But here he is, with his arms wrapped tightly around you and holding you in place. He says nothing, obviously wanting you to speak first. You try, but all that comes out is a muffled sob. The breakdown comes quick, but it's impossible to stop.

Lucifer helps you gently remove the rope from your neck and lifts you up from the chair. In a rare moment of weakness, he hugs you tighter than he's hugged anyone in years, and that just makes you sob harder. He guides you to your bed and sits you down, finally giving you some space and sitting beside you.

After letting you calm down, he gently tries to probe you for the reason why you tried what you did. If you decide to tell him, he'll listen intently immediately adjust anything that upset you previously, including his anger issues. If you don't tell him, he'll try and focus your attention on something else instead, offering a hot drink and some snacks.

Either way, he'll drop the cold exterior around you, and he'll always lend you an ear if you need it. Lucifer also gets his brothers to lay off you for a while to give you time to calm down. Your life in the Devildom gets a bit more peaceful after the incident, and you're actually kind of happy that Lucifer stopped you that day.

Mammon:

Mammon had just gotten home from a huge winning streak at the casino. He was so excited to tell his human all about his awesomeness. As per usual, he barges in your room without knocking, and his huge smile immediately leaves his face when he sees you. His speed really comes in handy here as he catches you just before you jump. 

It was confusing for you at first. With the way he treated you sometimes, it almost made you feel like he wanted you to die. After all, he’s constantly making fun of you, calling you names, and treating you as if you’re beneath him. So seeing hm here, trying so desperately to hold back tears as he takes the rope from around your neck, really changes you views of him. 

When you tell him your thoughts, he’s so genuinely heartbroken. He can’t believe he made you feel like that. And here he thought he was making progress with letting his walls down. The two of you stand there for a minute in each other’s arms, no longer speaking. The sound of muffled sobs is the only noise heard throughout the room. 

Eventually, Mammon is able to calm down enough to carry you to your bed and place you down. Gently, as if you might break at the slightest touch, he lays down next to you. He holds you close and refuses to let go. He already lost you once, he’s not about to let it happen again. That’s a promise. 

Leviathan:

Did you honestly think Leviathan would leave the house? Maybe you thought he was gone, but he was actually still in his room gaming. Then he gets a notification that an anime he’s been wanting to show you is about to come on, and he excitedly texts you. When you don’t respond after his tenth text, he starts to get worried. He knows you’re home, so why aren’t you coming to him? 

Pausing his game, he gets up and sets out to find you. Levi gently knocks on your door, assuming you might be asleep, and opens it carefully. You’re standing there, frozen like a deer in headlights. It takes Levi a while to process just what he’s seeing, and he almost doesn’t believe it. 

But it’s true, and he wastes no more time in getting the rope off of your neck and placing you safely on the floor. He stands there in shock for a bit, his hands not leaving their place on your shoulders. For some reason, you feel the need to console him despite how it should be the other way around. 

You wrap him up in a hug, and that’s when he shatters. Levi lifts you up and carries you to his room, his touch aversion be damned. When he gets to his room, he sits on his chair with you in his lap and his face buried in your shoulder. For the rest of the day and well into the next, you sit with him and binge watch every comfort anime he can find until you both feel better. 

Satan:

You still hadn’t returned Satan’s book you borrowed, and he was starting to get annoyed. He wasn’t mad; he could never get mad at you. But he still wanted his book back, and it’s been bugging him all day. Even when at the library, he couldn’t help but want to go to you and get it back. So, that’s what he did. Satan left the library and headed back home to retain his book. 

He knocks, like the gentleman he is, before walking in and pausing. The sight before him doesn’t seem real. It feels like something he’d only find in one of his horror books. You, standing on a chair, ready to hang yourself. He can’t help the anger that builds in him. It’s not anger towards you, no, it would never be. Instead, it was anger towards himself for not noticing sooner. 

Without warning, he’s in his demon form and rushing at you, barely saving you before you jumped. He’s not wasting any time and is almost immediately high-tailing it to his room. Satan unceremoniously drops you on his bed and walks to the other side of his room. You can see him trying to cool off before he approaches you lest he accidentally do something.  

Once he’s cooled off enough, he walks up to his bed and sits down next to you, leaving enough room just in case you want some space. If you stay where you are, he respects that and stays where he is, offering to read to you or bring you a snack. If you decide to move closer, he’ll (with consent) grab you and hold you close, offering the same as before. That night, he makes you one of your favorite meals and you eat together in his room. 

Asmodeus:

Asmo was so excited to show off this new outfit he purchased from Majolish, and who better to show it to than you? So he gets home as fast as possible, only to lose any sense of happiness when he sees the events taking place. He’s never moved faster in his life, no longer worried about ruining his outfit in favor of saving you. 

The second he unties the rope from your neck, he’s a mess. Asmo latches onto you, sobbing into your shoulder. He demands to know why you’d do such a thing, and if he had anything to do with it. No matter your answer, he’ll start crying harder, and he’ll move you to your bed to sit down. 

Once he’s finished crying and successfully ruined his makeup, he’ll rant to you about how scared that made him feel and how he wouldn’t know what to do if he lost you again. He’s not trying to be selfish, he was just so afraid to lose the one person who sees him for who he truly is. 

His rant takes up a good hour or so, and by that point he’s too worn down to even finish it. In fact, he’s basically just collapsed on you by now, content to just stay here. He refuses to let you go, claiming that he doesn’t know what you might do if he does. So, you essentially just have to bunker down with him for the night and hope you don’t have to use the bathroom. Not that you mind. 

Beelzebub:

Sweet thing just wanted you to try the batch of cupcakes he baked for you. He was so excited about it since he knew they were your favorite. But when he walks in and surveys the scene, he wastes no time. His mind doesn't even fully comprehend what he’s doing until he’s holding you safely in his arms with the rope and chair thrown haphazardly on the ground. 

Flashbacks to his sister and your previous death plague his mind, but he pushes them aside for now. Right now is about making sure you’re okay. Beel guides you to the kitchen where you finally see the cupcakes he’d made for you. He sits you down on the counter and offers you a cupcake. 

If you accept it, he watches as you eat and asks if you like them and if you’d like another. If not, he pushes them to the side in case you change your mind. Either way, he stands next to you and leans on the counter, waiting for you to make the first move. 

Whether you want to rant or just need a hug, he’ll be there to comfort you. He’ll give you whatever you need in that moment. He had promised to protect you like the rest of his family, and that was a promise he intended to keep. 

Belphegor:

He really just wanted a place to nap. And what better place than his human’s room? Belphie has never once knocked, and that habit continues as he opens your door with no warning. He’s not at all prepared for the sight in front of him. Like his twin, he barely even processes what’s going on until he has you safely on the ground. 

Doesn’t say a word to you, too afraid he might break down if he does. But he can’t do that right now. Not when you look so afraid and vulnerable. So, instead, he leads you to your bed and gently places you down before hesitantly sitting next to you. 

Belphie wants nothing more than to hug you close and tell you everything is going to be okay, but he can’t bring himself to. What if you get triggered by the time he killed you? Was that why you were doing this? Did you hate him? These thoughts flooded his brain as he sat there, waiting for your next move. 

If you choose to move closer to him, he won’t hesitate to pull you in close for some much needed cuddles. However, if you choose to keep your distance, he’ll respect that. Even so, he refuses to leave your room out of fear that you might try hurting yourself again. 

He’s already killed you once. Belphie refuses to let you die by your own hand as well. He simply won’t allow it. 

Yeah, that was a really long one. I’m gonna split this up into a two parter to make things a bit easier. Expect that to come out sometime this week. 

Sorry if this isn’t what you were looking for, but I tried my best to make it as general as possible so that anyone could relate to it. Thanks for reading, and I hope anyone that feels like this knows that I, and many others, are here if you need to talk at all. 

Also, just in case, here’s the number to the National Suicide Prevention Hotline if anyone needs it: 800-273-8255. 

[jimilter]

riptide (m) | k.sj. | (1/2)

one | two

pairing:  kim seokjin x reader

rating:  m (18+)

genre:  angst | smut | established relationship!au

summary:  It takes a foolishly trivial incident to unravel how astonishingly little you and Seokjin actually understand each other. It has you questioning your relationship, and him? Well, he’s questioning his whole life.

warnings:  swearing + implied alcohol consumption + realistic relationship problems + mentions of insecurities, jealousy, complicated mental dispositions + emotional distress + sexual situations (unprotected penetrative sex, dirty talking, a bit of manhandling, fingering) + mentions of masturbation + a ton of miscommunication (refer to the summary smh)

word count: 12.3 k

note:  it’s FINALLY done, y’all! came up to be a monster of 25k words, so i decided to split it into two. i’ll drop the other part next week. this took a lot more time, energy and re-writing than i’d thought it would. i began writing this in january - it’s been five excruciating months! 😩 i really hope y'all will like this one~ 🥺💜

💟 YOUTH – 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7

— masterlist

— feedback is always appreciated!

riptide (n) – a dangerous area of strongly moving water in the sea, where two or more currents meet.

Lady, running down to the riptide - Taken away to the dark side - I wanna be your left hand man.

The turn of events has been so fucking hilariously impossible that Seokjin has literally been rendered speechless. Which doesn't happen often, mind you. What can he do, he is just extremely witty—he always has something to say about everything, usually and preferably with impeccable comic timing. Especially when it comes to you. 

This, though. This completely baffling scenario, right in front of him, has him gaping like a goldfish with no words to say.

"Final call, Jin. Gawk at me for five more seconds and I walk out of here," you threaten, an elegant arm poised at your waist and gorgeously plump lips pressed into a thin line. "Say something?"

And Seokjin still cannot formulate a single word, because what the actual fuck? How can you even think that he could ever— 

"Alright." You catwalk out of his bedroom, leaving him blinking into space.

He jumps the next second, leaping after you. "Honey! How would—what—I can never—why do I even have to say—will you wait? You’re being so ridiculous, right now, I hope you know that!"

If he wasn't in such a fix, Seokjin would physically cringe at his speech. It was better when he was just gaping.

“Honey! Stop being so overdramatic, you’ve known me and you’ve known Jimin! For years! Stop acting like you seriously don’t know what happened, here!”

You don't stop, though, gliding down the stairs and hopping over the haphazardly tossed items in the living room as you exit out of the house.

And then you're gone. You're really gone, over something so fucking ridiculous, that Seokjin still has no words to say.

All he knows is that his girlfriend of five years has finally gone crazy enough to jump to conclusions of such high magnitude of stupidity.

And, that Park Jimin is a dead man.

It all begins on an unsuspecting Sunday morning, when the entire house is smelling of weed, stale booze and some worse fluids. 

Last night, Seokjin vacated his own bedroom for the boys to smoke up in at Jimin's request, because that is the only well ventilated room of the house. He spent the night in Yoongi's room with earplugs in, dead to all the chaos in the house—as he often does on party nights—to catch up on his beauty sleep. He cannot afford any unbecoming dark circles or, God forbid, breakouts.

And no, that's not a comedic moment, he really does need his face looking perfect this week for reasons outside of personal gratification too, because he has a shoot on Tuesday. He especially took a leave from his part-time job at the Mexican restaurant downtown where his girlfriend, you, work full-time, on a Tuesday—saying goodbye to all the amazing tips always forwarded to the cooks on Taco Tuesday—for this. Nothing would mess up his face.

Not to mention that one very important audition for a very gigantic project he's been looking forward to. They're yet to announce the date, but it would be this very month. He hasn't really told you much about it, planning a huge surprise for later when—if, actually, but he prefers to be unrealistically optimistic in every situation possible—he bags the coveted position, at the end. He hasn't really decided upon much, other than a long drive and a picnic date to one of those grasslands on the city's outskirts that you love so much. Oh, and bringing up the prospect of moving in together in an apartment with just the two of you. 

He's pretty certain you must not remember him raving about the opportunity, because it has been months since he did that. He then proceeded to be covert about all the mini auditions and trainings he underwent to prepare for the final audition, and he is confident you have not connected the dots.

But that is all a discussion for later — he doesn't even know when he would be auditioning. 

The crux of the whole matter is that he needs to keep looking as flawless as he can until that audition happens.

So he has slept like a baby, last night, while the rest of his friends have partied, including two out of three of his housemates—Hoseok and Jimin—along with Taehyung and Taehyung's girl. Namjoon had foregone attendance in lieu of the Halloween party, next weekend, that he knows he would definitely be forced to attend because Hoseok is hosting. Yoongi, his third and final housemate, escaped the house altogether to spend a night of music-making with Jungkook in his dorm.

So, in the morning, when Seokjin is moving around his kitchen that seems to have been hit by a tornado, checking the fridge and mentally praying that his baggie of smoothie ingredients is still in good shape—a scream echoes around the house.

Seokjin freezes. That sounded a lot like…you.

Immediately alert, he runs out of the kitchen and into the drawing room. Hoseok is hanging upside down on one of the couches, something that looks a lot like undigested white sauce pasta puddles on the ground, inches from his new, fiery red hair. Seokjin grimaces.

"Kim Seokjin!" your screech tears the silence.

Seokjin twists on his heels, looking up in the direction of his bedroom. It really is you. And you're in his bedroom—the room he did not occupy last night.

God only knows what kind of a scene you have walked in on. He hopes these idiots didn’t have an orgy up there, although he really can’t put it past them.

Not waiting another second, Seokjin rushes up the stairs and pushes through the doors to his bedroom. His mouth falls open on an audible gasp.

You stand next to his bed, dressed up elegantly in a navy dress that ends above your knees—which makes him wonder if you are here for an impromptu breakfast date—with one hand clutching his duvet that has uncovered what looks like…

…a head of long, dirty blonde hair.

Who the fuck?

In his bed?

"Hey, Honey!" Seokjin's voice is a squeak. "You… you here for a date?" he manages out of a suddenly parched throat.

You roll your eyes. "Uh huh. A fact you would've known if you looked at the texts I sent you last night." Your eyes are narrow at him. "This explains why you didn't, though. Busy night, Jin?" 

He balks at your words, at a loss. How could you even think it was him, when you know all about Park Jimin and his escapades?! 

Seokjin's blood boils. Fucking Jimin. There is going to be blood on Seokjin’s hands. 

In the midst of it, the blonde head shifts. 

Soon after, as you two watch, a pair of brown eyes with smudged makeup emerge from inside Seokjin's bed—and the audacity?! There’s makeup all over his covers! Jimin will pay for the dry cleaning. The face is followed by a whole, tiny woman of five-something feet who is, thankfully, covered in a shirt.

Seokjin is almost not breathing when the blonde starts to give him a dreamy smile, his gaze switching between her and you. And it’s extremely stupid, because he hasn’t seen this woman before, ever, in his entire life. But he catches the way your arms fall to your sides and those elegant, dainty fingers of yours ball up into fists as you look at the blondie’s face.

Fortunately, the girl recognises him at last before her grin could turn fully dopey, and with a squeak, jumps out of the bed. “You’re not—um. Hi. Sorry, I, uh. I’ll get going.”

And surprisingly, she does exactly that in less than a minute, leaving you to stare down at Seokjin.

“You know, it’s really unbecoming for a girlfriend to keep finding girls in her boyfriend’s bed every other week and not be given an explanation, ever.” Your tone is teasing, but your eyes are taunting. “You shouldn’t always be so dismissive, you know? What if I start getting ideas? I don’t think you even remember how to make up with your girlfriend, at this point, because I never fight.”

That is when Seokjin starts gawking. And literally doesn’t stop until you’ve left the house.

“I don’t get it,” Jackson says, stuffing cold noodles into his mouth and chewing on them without closing it. “Do you think he cheated on you, or do you not think he cheated on you?”

You look at your best friend with your face twisted up in disgust. You swear to God you would never have agreed to make friends with this guy on your mother’s insistence when the Wang family moved in next doors to you, had you known he’d turn out to be such a barbarian a decade later. Twelve-year-old Jackson had been such a decent kid—studious, elegant, well-mannered. What went wrong, along the way?

You exhale, shifting on your chair, very wary of any dried up fluids that you might come in contact with. “I know he did not cheat on me, Jax, the very notion is completely ridiculous.”

Jackson stops chewing and looks away from the WWE match playing on the TV to squint at you. “I’m…confused? Wait. What is the problem, then? What are you mad at him for?”

To be completely honest, you aren’t quite certain yourself.

But you do know that you don’t feel good. And that this feeling has been building up over a couple months, but you have only really acknowledged it head-on, today, in all five-something years of your relationship. Five years, seven months and eight days, to be exact, but that’s kinda besides the point.

You’ve had at least a few months’ worth of buildup that has gotten you to this point, you would admit. Especially after Seokjin had to cancel that visit to your hometown at the end of June, for your parents’ thirty-fifth wedding anniversary celebration because he had an important audition for a big-brand ad film. The cancellation was acceptable, but his offhand comment that, “thirty-five isn’t even that special, we’ll get them a huge gift for their fiftieth,” stayed with you longer than it should’ve. Things got okay-ish when you reminded yourself how Seokjin never really thought too hard about things he said, always being a humorous, unattached clown in every situation. But this morning's dismissal has pushed you over that edge. You straightaway goaded him, claiming he doesn’t remember how to make it up to you, and all you got in response was his shock and being called “ridiculous” and “overdramatic.” Fun.

You were most certainly joking, if a bit caustically, when you said what you did. He could have taken it as a joke and laughed it off. He could have taken it as a threat and comforted you, said it was Jimin that used his room, and maybe kissed you. You already knew what had happened when you saw the girl, anyway. But this was probably the third time this situation had happened, this month. 

Sure, you are understanding and really do know Jimin and what all he gets up to, but is that really supposed to be such a given? Asking your boyfriend to hug you close and kiss your forehead when you discover a girl in his bed just as you were about to cuddle the lump of sheets thinking it was him, is not too much to expect, is it?

Granted, Seokjin has never been extremely expressive, but still. It feels like he’s consciously trying to keep you at a distance, these past few months.

You don’t have the complete grasp of the storm of thoughts in your head yet, but you want to try and explain it to Jackson the best you can. 

“It was about respect, in a way, I guess,” you quietly mumble, and Jackson turns the TV off, now sitting cross legged on the couch to face your chair. He puts away his takeout container to frown at you, probably gleaning how serious this is for you. “He stood there, without saying a single word, expecting me to stop being mad. Almost willing me to stop being mad by making these big, incredulous eyes at me. Like it was that horrible of his girlfriend to demand for an explanation when she found a girl in his bedroom. It was just the two of us, I wasn’t making a scene in front of anybody. He just—ugh! He could’ve simply asked me to not be mad, said it was Jimin who spent the night in the room and maybe even laughed about it, or plotted Jimin’s murder—I would’ve joined in—but no. He acted like I was being stupid, told me not be ridiculous and dramatic. And that made me feel really stupid.”

Jackson winces. “And why do you think you were not being stupid?”

You exhale. “I wasn’t. Because I wasn’t actually accusing him of anything, and five years down the lane, he should know that now. I just wanted him to say it and not scold me when I tease-taunted him. He always expects me to know everything. And even though I always do, it gets tiring sometimes. These weird thoughts get to you — that maybe you’re being too understanding and he’s using that to his advantage, you know?” You look down at your lap, playing with your nails. “It’s just…um. I wanted him to coddle me, I guess. To treat this as something big because I was throwing a tantrum about it and, just, I don’t know—try to cajole me? Assuage me with his words, maybe? But he didn’t. Because he hasn’t done that in forever. Because I never need him to, because I always freaking understand everything!” A sob leaves you.

Jackson pats the place next to him. “C’mere, you dumdum, and stop hyperventilating,” he mumbles, hugging you to his side when you move to sit on the couch. “I don’t exactly understand how the relationship dynamics work, but from what you told me, I get that you wanted attention? Some loving? And instead you got disappointed looks because Jin expected you to be mature and rational about it — the way you always are — and that too with his fucking eyes and some low-key insult words? Is it something like that?”

Wow, Jackson really paraphrased all that amazingly. “Yes, actually. It’s exactly that.”

Jackson sighs. “Y’all have been together a long time, babe, so I guess it’s kind of a given that you’d get to a no-bullshit point. Which is why he hasn’t done that in forever, because y’all probably don’t need that kinda stuff between you anymore.”

“I get that, it’s how a relationship matures. But I’m pretty certain that it’s not supposed to make me feel like this,” you sound slightly muffled, having stuffed your face into Jackson’s hoodie-covered chest. “I feel—I feel like we got too comfortable and now he’s just started to take me for granted. And I also feel like I’m being too needy. Am I being needy and annoying? He’d hate me if I told him all this, won’t he? Half of the reason we’ve worked out so well is because we’re both career oriented and don’t waste time overthinking stupid shit.” You gasp. “Oh, no—would he leave me? He’s used to his girlfriend being mature, not needy—”

You are cut off when Jackson pulls you away by your shoulders, giving you a serious look. “Wait, wait, stop. What did you say? Not the needy part, you’re allowed to be needy once in all the damn three-sixty-five days y’all stay busy for. The…taking you for granted part. Pretty big of a thing to say, babe.”

You sigh. “We haven’t been on an actual date in months. Seokjin thinks there’s no need for that extra effort when we spend lunch breaks at work together, everyday. Outside of the restaurant, our meetings involve our entire flock of friends by default. It’s been three months since we slept together.” You sniff, hating having to impart such a private detail of your life. “So no, I don’t think it’s that big of a thing to say, at all.”

“Wow.” Jackson gives a slow whistle. “You’ve really been bottling up a lot in there, huh?”

You shrug. “I guess. It never made me feel underappreciated, though. Sure, I was irritated at some occasions and disappointed at others, but… Today I feel horrible, Jax.”

“Did you share anything with Byulyi?” he asks, referring to your flatmate and good friend since college.

You shake your head. “She already has a lot on her plate, right now. She got rejected by the photographer she wanted to intern with, so it’s back to freelancing for her.”

“Yeah, that must suck.” Jackson grimaces. Then he looks at you. “You need to take a break, hun. Sit back, today, and have tacos and beer with me. Reset your inner thoughts. Talk to Jin tomorrow. Although, I must say, it’s kinda depressing that you have to actually tell your boyfriend that he’s being a bad boyfriend. Isn’t that kind of shit supposed to be realized on your own?”

You purse your lips. “I guess, yeah. But…don’t say that he’s being a bad boyfriend, Jax. I don’t think he even realizes something is wrong.”

“And that…doesn’t make it worse?” At your raised eyebrows, he concedes with a roll of his eyes. “Fine, fine, in any case — maybe try to hint at it before you dive straight in with the kill? See if he reacts?”

“I don’t know, Jax. What if he doesn’t? He’s really not the best at taking hints and reading signs, or that kind of subtle stuff.”

“Then you can just say your shit. All I’m saying is, give him a chance to figure it out on his own. He’s probably really clueless why you reacted so big on something so small, this morning. If you drop hints, maybe he’ll feel it out.”

You nod, somewhat amazed at how sound Jackson’s advice seems. “How are you doing this, Jax? Being a love guru all of a sudden?”

Jackson scoffs. “I’m just tryna put myself in Seokjin’s shoes. If I was in the situation he’s in, this is what I’d like to happen — be given a window to figure out what’s wrong. You’ve been together a long time, hun. It really shouldn’t be that difficult for him.”

You shrug a shoulder. “I won’t be too sure about that. Why does it even matter if he can or cannot, though?”

Jackson seems to be mulling over something before he drops his chin to his chest. “Because you’re supposed to be partners, hun. If you can tell what’s up with him with a single glance, why can't he? Not being good at taking signs is not a good enough excuse. My gut says that he’d be able to, though. And that knowledge will make you feel infinitely better, trust me. It’ll be reassuring to learn that he really knows and understands you well, won’t it?”

You nod, slowly, but you still have your suspicions. Seokjin has just been the kind of guy whose emotional depth goes to a certain extent and then just — well, stops. There are things that he feels and realizes and sees, and there are things that he doesn’t. It isn’t even something he does, you believe. It’s just how he is. Certain feelings just don’t fall in his orbit. And you’ve never found there to be anything wrong with it when he’s been an immaculately amazing boyfriend and tended to every single one of your needs, always. Well, you have never actually needed emotional consoling, too, so you haven’t had the chance to audition him for that. You keep yourself too busy for all that unnecessary mental pressure. It comes as a surprise, but you have never cried on Seokjin’s shoulder in all these years of your togetherness. You’ve kept your head straight and chin up, even during your college exams. And so has Seokjin, because you’ve never seen him cry, either.

Lately, though, things have been kind of weird. The gradual transformation into your professional lives that began after college, has been drastic in the past few months. Seokjin has been constantly prioritizing his career over you, and you have been understanding about it because you agree with it — to an extent. Seokjin believes it all the way through, though, and you have known for a while that you would hit your limit at some point, and would try to bring him back to yourself. Today morning, it seems, you hit that limit. 

You felt dispensable. 

You hate this feeling.

To be very honest, you know you can get over this. You can give it some time, remind yourself of how much your Jin loves you, believe that he is eventually going to come back to you once he settles, and be understanding about the entire thing. 

You can — but you really don’t want to.

Something tells you that this feeling of getting too comfortable will only fester and take a worse form as time goes by. You can wait it out, sure, and hope you aren’t being a pushover as he works on building his career. You are building your career, too, after all, and at least some of it has been for each other. 

The thing is, your plans with Seokjin are long-term—marriage, kids, white-picket fence, and all that. And you believe that if you are sensing a problem now, you better deal with it now before it has the chance to change its form and affect you both when you are at a more responsible point in your life.

Mind made up, you look up at Jackson, immediately grimacing when he forwards a greasy hand to pick up a taco for you. “I don’t…I don’t like tacos. And may I exchange the beer for scotch?”

“You work at a Mexican restaurant, and you don’t like tacos,” Jackson deadpans.

“They mess up my skincare.”

“Oh, fuck off! Have a spinach smoothie with a drink, why don’t you?”

You purse your lips to hold back your laughter at his ire, your own worries forgotten in the moment as Jackson gets up to get you a glass of scotch and some healthier snacking alternative.

“You're a dead man.”

Jimin stops dead in his tracks, arms frozen in the act of putting a t-shirt on. He blinks at Seokjin with big round eyes. “Hyung?” he mumbles, a picture of unblemished innocence, especially when he covers his toned torso with the oversized t-shirt he was in the process of getting into. “What—what’d I do?”

Someone who doesn’t know better would never believe that this young, innocent, frazzled haired fairy-boy could ever do any wrong. But Seokjin knows better. “You chaotic womanizer,” Seokjin nearly hisses, "you've gotta learn to clean after yourself. Honey found a girl in my bed. A girl—in my bed.”

Jimin had the decency to drop the innocent act. “Oh. Oh.”

Seokjin raises a brow. “Oh? That’s it?”

"Yeah, well, I clarified to her that it was a one time thing when we got to it. She was obviously expecting something more if she didn't leave when I told her to. Disappointed but not surprised." Jimin is frowning when he comes to sit down on the couch next to Seokjin. “Sorry you two had to see that. You clarified to Honey noona that I’d been the occupant of the room, though, right?” 

“I—what?” Seokjin scoffs. “Why would I even need to do that? She knows that already, obviously. She’s been seeing you for over five years, or have you forgotten?”

Jimin squints. “I mean…okay, fair point, I guess. Why’re you so worked up, then? Did something else happen, too? Where’s she, now?” Jimin looks around the living room as if looking for you.

Seokjin sighs. “Well, I couldn't really get much out before she was storming out of the damn house, altogether.”

Jimin blinks. “Storming out? Why? She… um, was she mad?"

Seokjin opens his mouth – and then shuts it. Was she mad, indeed. "I don't know. She looked kinda mad, yes. But maybe she was in a hurry?" 

"Why would she be mad? Did you try to call her? Text her? It's unlike her to react so big on something so small." Jimin bites down on his lip, looking lost in thought. 

Seokjin shakes his head. "She didn't pick up or text back."

“There’s definitely got to be an underlying reason for her being like this. Are you sure you guys haven’t been fighting, hyung?” 

Seokjin sighs. “Yes, Jimin, I’m absolutely certain that there hasn’t been any fighting of any sorts between the two of us before today.” He pauses. “Well, she was slightly irritated that I didn’t check her texts last night, but she knows I go to bed at eleven on days leading up to a shoot, so that one’s on her.”

Jimin looks genuinely concerned, which, in turn, makes Seokjin concerned. Jimin isn't the type to stress over stuff if he can help it. Sure, he cares about the boys and would always be down to do whatever he can for them, but his throwing-caution-to-the-wind way of life causes him to not take most of the things in life seriously.

You’ve been like an older sister to the boys ever since Seokjin started dating you and introduced you to them. They all have their ways of showing their respect and affection to you. Well, maybe not Jungkook because he can’t get over getting unnecessarily intimidated by Seokjin enough to relax around you. 

Jimin, especially, always seems to be affected by any tension in Seokjin’s relationship. Everyone can see how it upsets his entire life when you two are fighting, although he’d never admit to it. He doesn’t need to, because it’s pretty obvious when he becomes a cranky six-year-old who hates the world. 

Right now, he has a guilty frown on his face. "I should've seen to it that Suzette left before I went to shower," he mumbles as if talking to himself. “Shouldn’t have trusted her to leave just because I told her to.” He looks up at Seokjin with troubled eyes. "I'm sorry, hyung."

Seokjin can not believe himself when he shakes his head at Jimin's apology—this little demon causes so much chaos in all their lives that any apology coming from him should be justified and welcome. But this one isn't really on him. "It's not entirely your fault."

Jimin's demeanor changes a bit and the attitude Seokjin is used to witnessing makes an appearance. "Right? That's what I was thinking, too!" Jimin exclaims, some of the concern on his face lifting. "You have to talk to Honey noona and make things right, though, hyung. She’s the only womanly touch in our man cave. We’d all be barbarians without her.” Jimin looks very wary and kind of nervous.

“It’s funny you would crave her ‘womanly’ presence when she’s rushed off because of a woman that you brought home.” Seokjin scrunches his nose. "And I said it isn't entirely on you, because it is partially on you, Park Jimin. You borrowed my room to smoke up in. Why couldn't you take your Suzy back to your own room?"

"Suzette," Jimin corrects under his breath while shaking his head. "Yeah, I should've, but… your room just felt like a better choice during the high," he finishes in a mumble, dragging a hand down his face. “Hyung,” Jimin says with a pout on his lips, “the last time you two fought was two years ago, remember? On your birthday? When Hobi hyung dumped cake in noona’s hair and she had her first shoot for that bigshot magazine, the next day?”

Seokjin nods with a sigh. “She yelled at me for having stupid friends, and I yelled at her for caring more about the shoot that having a good time on my birthday. Yes, I remember.”

“And then she didn’t visit us for a whole week. Please don’t let that happen, again.” Jimin looks up at Seokjin with big, round eyes. “I can’t take that kind of unrest in my life."

Seokjin briefly wonders, if Jimin’s nightly conquests were to see this side of him, would they run in the opposite direction or be more attracted to him? Jimin definitely needs someone in his life that would bring out this side in him and stay to provide him the emotional comfort he requires when he gets like this. 

“I will try not to, Jiminie, but…” Seokjin shuts his eyes. “I seriously do not understand her actions from the morning,” he finishes in a mumble.

“Maybe she’s—maybe she’s worried about something else? Some other aspect of her life?” Jimin suggests with wide eyes. “And she’s just projecting onto you.”

“As sound as the explanation is, I am literally involved in ninety percent of the aspects in her life,” Seokjin says with a twist to his lips. “I would know if something was wrong anywhere.”

“That’s cocky of you to say,” Jimin snarkily comments with narrowed eyes. At Seokjin’s raised eyebrows, he amends, “That’s cocky of you to say, hyung-nim.”

Seokjin scoffs, but then he shrugs his shoulders. “It’s true. We work at the same restaurant, we’re scouted by the same agency. Even her agent is best friends with mine—she gossips a ton about how Honey passes up so many opportunities and pisses her agent off. Her friends are, well—” Seokjin stops short when it hits him. “Wang. Wang could know something!”

Jimin is looking at him skeptically when Seokjin meets the younger’s eyes. “I just think you should have a simple talk with noona first before digging around.”

That is sensible advice. Seokjin nods as he pulls his phone out.

“Just find out what’s been troubling her, hyung. You two are rational people, I’m sure you’ll work it out.” Jimin pauses to scratch the back of his head. “Just please don’t let this be another fight like that one?”

“Don’t worry,” Seokjin finally says with a pat on Jimin’s shoulder as he finishes sending off another text to you, “this one is nothing like that fight.”

Turns out, this fight really is not like that one. Or any other fights Seokjin has ever had with you, in fact, because you’re giving him the silent treatment. 

You’ve never given him the silent treatment. 

Not even when you were students and didn’t have a load of time on your hands and used to waste precious sleep hours arguing over stupid shit that would probably resolve itself if you just slept on it and looked back at it with a fresh state of mind. Not even then did you forego talking.

Needless to say, Seokjin is distressed.

You drive to the house to pick him up at your usual time, the next morning, after not having responded to any of his calls or texts for the entire day. Seokjin is aghast as he gets into the car.

“Honey! What is going on? Why didn’t you—where have you been?”

You simply start the engine and take off. “Busy,” you murmur after a while.

Soekjin’s head is close to exploding. “Busy? Doing what?”

Your face remains stoic as you weave through the morning traffic. Seokjin looks at you. You’re dressed up in your waitressing outfit that consists of a shirt, skirt and tights, and being who you are, Seokjin can proudly say that you would stand out to be the most well dressed server in the field. You’re always pristine and tidy — no accidents happen to you at the job ever. No spillage of drinks or ketchups, no soiled hands being wiped down on your skirt. Nothing even ruins your manicure. 

It is something that Seokjin has always tried to keep up with, this cleanliness streak of yours. Because he has always assumed you would expect it out of him, too. You were attracted to the cover model version of him, after all. It is quite natural that you would have those kinds of expectations. And Seokjin has always been more than happy to deliver. It has become a part of him, in fact. He doesn't even chew with his mouth open even when he's among the boys, anymore.

It has, somewhat, made him practical and less emotional in life, too, but he doesn't really think of it as a bad thing. You have always been practical in life – the most ambitious girl he has ever met, someone that has always prioritized her career and goals over everything else. Seokjin has admired that since college, and has tried to show you that he has similar priorities even if he has had to work on thinking from his mind more than his heart.

But when you are already by his side, what does he even need his heart for, anymore, when it's already yours?

Now, looking at you sitting with a morose expression on your face as you give him the cold shoulder, Seokjin is just as much in love with you as he was when he first met you.

“Stuff,” you say with a shrug, after some extended silence. “You should know about that, right? Your schedule’s always busier than mine and I never complain.”

Your sharp words have him reeling. Whatever do you even mean by that? “Uhm, okay. Fair enough. But… did you really not have the time to respond to a single text?”

“It gets impossible sometimes, Jin, you know how it is.”

Seokjin frowns. He does know that, but he doesn’t feel okay. Something is very off with you. It is as if you’re saying something else and expecting him to discern a different meaning out of it. 

He doesn’t understand why, though. You, of all people, should know how terrible he is at decoding signs.

He sighs.

Seokjin, after his conversation with Jimin yesterday, had decided to ask you about the morning’s incident, head on, whenever you called him back. But you didn’t, and this is the first opportunity he’s had to talk to you, so he decides to bring it up, now. “What—what happened yesterday morning, babe? You got really mad and stormed off, and… I mean, you’ve got to know the girl had been Jimin’s companion for the night, right? You know him, how he is!”

You say nothing, hands tightening a bit on the steering wheel. Seokjin looks down at his own hands.

“You know I was only surprised at your words because we really do not have the time to be discussing silly things." He shuts his heart down when it tries to tell him to go soft. He knows it isn't something you would appreciate. "After five years, you know what I’m capable of right? You can never start getting ideas, because that would be insane and stupid. I’m already so supremely occupied as it is between two jobs, when would I even have the time to cheat, right?” he jokes, snorting to himself.

You’re still quiet, but your tongue comes out to moisten your lips. It is a nervous tick of yours which Seokjin recognizes very well, because with your skincare and scheduled regular application of lip balms, your lips never need the extra moisture.

He frowns. Was he too straightforward? But this is exactly how you communicate with him! “Hey, is everything okay, babe?”

You exhale, noisily. “Everything’s fine, Jin,” you finally say with a roll of your eyes. “And you’re right. I know you wouldn’t cheat. You don’t have the time to chat me up, how are you gonna pick someone new to impress, huh?” 

Your snort sounds lacking in humor, but Seokjin still gives a couple of stilted chuckles. Even so, he's still somewhat relieved. “Right. Just so we’re certain, that was a joke, right? I mean, it would be really ridiculous of you to think that I would—”

“Yes, Jin!” you cut him off with a deep frown. “If I wanted to talk to you about something, or accuse you, or confront you — I’d do that without you having to prompt me. Stop obsessing over yesterday and stop trying to explain yourself. I know it was Jimin’s doing.”

Seokjin feels immensely relaxed at the conviction with which you say the last sentence, certainly, but something is still off. “Why were you ignoring me, then?”

“I just didn’t have anything to say to you.” You stop at a red light, the last one before you reach the restaurant, and turn to look at Seokjin with really vacant eyes. He doesn’t like your stare one bit. “We’ve been together five years, babe. If neither of us have got anything of significance to say, I’d rather not text too much, if that’s okay with you? I’ve got a busy schedule to work around, too, you know?”

Seokjin wants to remind you that both of you had something of significance to say after you left his place in anger, but chooses to just roll with whatever you’re playing at. Maybe he's thinking too much. He nods. “Sounds alright to me.”

“Great,” you breathe out, somehow looking disappointed along with the preexisting sorrowful expression you had on your face.

You really do not have a concrete explanation for why you acted the way you did with Seokjin, this morning. 

You were supposed to hint at being mad, not blatantly try to give him a taste of his own medicine. It could turn out to be a good thing if he eventually starts to miss you and reaches out, sure, but playing mind games never feels right to you. But when he started to joke about not having time to cheat, and something just turned off in you. He really could’ve seriously reassured you of his love. That would’ve been actually comforting. But no. He chose to joke about that, too. You didn’t feel like putting in all that energy anymore, after that.

Now, you sit down in the break room to check your phone during your ten minutes’ rest break. A text message floats at the top of your notifications.

Jax 🚽 Hey How’d it go?

With an exhale, you decide to call him back. Your fingers are too tired to type, and Jackson is sure to launch off into a rampage of texts the moment you tell him you’ve tried to turn the tables on Seokjin.

Seokjin is in the kitchen, his usual rest break not being for another hour, so you don’t have to worry about him walking in.

“Hey!” Jackson jovially greets you as soon as he picks the phone. “Did you get my text?”

“I did, yes,” you respond in a calm voice. “I’ve been looping milkshake mugs through my fingers since eight am, they needed some rest, so I decided to call.”

“Yeah, no, it’s cool. I was in a really boring class, anyway. So. How'd it go?"

You pull in your lip between your teeth. "I… I kinda ended up telling him I am a busy person too and that we shouldn’t text that much."

You hear silence instead of the outburst you'd expected. 

"Jax?"

"Are you actually gonna try to play a mind game with the dumbest human being you know on earth?" Jackson so very eloquently asks, his interpretation making you pinch the bridge of your nose. “He’s never even gonna figure it out!”

“I know how it sounds, okay?” You exhale. “I honestly don’t know what came over me.”

“Okay, alright, one thing at a time. So, no coddling?"

"Not a single soft word. Just more expectations of me understanding, and claiming that anything but that would be stupid of me. He acts like I'm supposed to know everything about him and everyone in his group of friends," you mutter in irritation. “As if those dumbasses know the first thing about themselves.”

You realize you're being a bit harsh, because his friends – basically your younger brothers, at this point – are a bunch of clueless idiots that love, adore and respect you. You shouldn't be badmouthing them, Seokjin’s growing callousness towards you isn't their doing. It's his own. 

You sigh. You really miss how things used to be when you were in college.

“Uh, I think we need to rewind a bit. What happened? What triggered this?”

It makes you smile a little when Jackson asks that. At least your best knows you’re not wholly clinically insane. “Well… I drove him to work. He…" your brows lower at the recollection, "he was the first to bring up yesterday morning. And yet again, he gave me the same you've got to know this and that crap, and then he tried to assure me in the dumbest possible way. Do you know what he said, Jax, do you?”

“Um, do I wanna know?”

“He said, and I quote, he doesn’t have the time to cheat. Jackson Wang, are you hearing this? He really straight up said he was too busy to cheat on me and so I should rest assured! Who says that?!”

“He must’ve meant it as a joke—”

“Yeah, he said that, too, and then very immaculately added that it’d be ridiculous of me to think otherwise. I have lost count of how many times the words ridiculous and stupid came up.”

“Goddammit.”

“Goddammit is right,” you mumble, morosely resting your head on your palm.

“What did he say, by the way? When you told him to text less?”

You give a wry chuckle. "Well, he said it sounded alright to him."

"Son of a bitch. You – you two are messed up, man. Messed up bad. Why the hell can you not just say shit you really mean and actually want to instead of saying shit you don't? You don't wanna text less because you're busy, you want him to dote on you because you miss him!" Jackson sounds beyond frustrated. "And it doesn't fucking sound alright to him! It sounds scary, it sounds confusing, it sounds like something you would never say to him!" He groans. "But none of you would say that shit to each other! You’re choosing to be evasive and fucking plastic instead of honest, and falling deeper into your mess."

You reel from the onslaught of his harsh words, eyes widened and breath stuttering. Jackson isn't usually the type to pay so much attention to your relationship problems. But this time, you guess, he has garnered the depth of your unhappiness and thus has gotten so involved.

You realize he is right. Nothing good can come out of any turned tables, because Seokjin is, anyways, not even going to be able to work out the problem by himself. He may even go around talking to his friends about how you were being cold with him and not giving him any time, and still not realize he has been doing the same to you. He is thick like that. 

When his friends tell you tales of his compassion, you're unable to relate. You've never seen that side of him. He has probably grown up from that emotionally overwhelmed high school graduate who had made friends on a whim, the night of his graduation.

You certainly don't appreciate the emotional abstinence, though, and would very much rather prefer if he would open up a bit more. It would help you be more open with him, without fearing him calling you "stupid" in response.

But it’s still alright, you accept him with that thick brain of his, because he’s still only ever going to be the only one for you.

"How are you two gonna get around to having a proper chat if you just keep building more walls between you both?" Jackson asks after the long pause from your end, this time softer. “I’m sorry, babe, I was wrong. Giving him signs and making him realize shit won’t work. It was stupid of me to suggest that. It’s probably why you ended up being so caustic with him.

“No, no, it was all me, Jax. I could’ve chosen to not listen to you, but my ego got in the way, I guess. It’s not exactly easy, telling your boyfriend you’re feeling neglected. I mean, what if he laughs in my face and tells me I’m being paranoid? What if he thinks I have no regard for his career — or mine — because my priorities don’t align with his?” You bite your lip, shutting your eyes as your insecurities attack you.

“Hey, no. None of that is gonna happen if you really share with him what you’ve been feeling. No hints, no sarcasm, you’re gonna have to tell him point blank. Allow yourself to be raw. He’s the love of your life. You don’t have to protect yourself from him, right?”

You sigh. “Yeah, I know. You’re absolutely right, Jax. But I really have no idea how to even approach him, at this point. He’s either too busy with shoots, or with the guys, or some meeting. I cannot do this on call, because that always leads to misunderstandings.” You bite down on your lower lip, contemplating. “But I’ll figure something out.”

"Yes, you will. You always do. So, that’s good then. In the meanwhile, can you at least clean up this latest pile of poop? The talking less thingy is gonna make you two more distant, hun."

You scrunch your nose at his metaphor, but then your shoulders slump. "I don't know, Jackson. The way he so impassively agreed to it would make me sound really stupid if I take it back. And given what he keeps saying, he really doesn’t want me to sound stupid."

Jackson gives a snort at that. “Hah, funny. But listen. At the end of the day, he’s your boyfriend. You're gonna have to really decide if you're trying to get your boyfriend to give you more love, or if you're fighting a battle of egos and would like to bend him to you."

You bite your lip. “You make me sound manipulative.”

“You yourself confessed you let your ego come into this, one time. Don’t let that happen again. I’m trying to make you realize that complicated problems can have simple solutions, too. If only you’d communicate. Just talk to him soon, please, and make him understand why you’re hurt. Don’t carry on with this stupid cold war, okay? You gotta figure out exactly what you want, first.”

“You know what I want, Jax. You’re literally the only person that does, actually,” you remind him with a sigh.

“Oh, he is, isn’t he?”

You freeze, eyes bulging at the familiar voice. “I’ll… I’ll call you back,” you mumble before you disconnect the call and turn to look over your shoulder at Seokjin’s unreadable face. He stands with his arms crossed, still in his uniform but without the apron. “Jin… what—uh…”

“What am I doing here?” he scoffs, lips curling in distaste as he stares you down. “Well, I was going to the loo when I saw you sitting here. You looked upset, so I thought I’d check in on you on my way back.” He clicks his tongue, a dry chuckle tumbling out. “But apparently, you’ve got other people doing it for you, already.”

You wince, shutting your eyes. The one time he was finally going to give you some much needed attention — you sent a bad message his way. 

“So. Good to know there actually is someone who knows what you want. Would’ve been easier if it were me, though, given how I stand to be the one that is to deliver.” Seokjin sounds pissed off, and despite your irritation, you really want to make him understand.

You rub at your forehead. “Stop talking like that, Jin, it was just Jackson.”

“Wang?” He seems to seethe more, for some reason. “Of course, it’s fucking Wang!”

You frown, standing up. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

Seokjin looks at you incredulously. “You—do you not see how this looks? You have problems with me, Honey, but you choose to discuss them with him? Who’s he, your therapist?”

“He’s my best friend, Jin, someone I trust,” you grit out.

Seokjin seems to take it the wrong way, his agitated expressions slowly fading into a blank stare. “Oh. You trust him, as opposed to…” He trails off with a shrug, but the implication is as obvious as it can be.

“Jin—”

He raises a hand up, palm facing you as he looks away. “If you need some time apart, you should tell me in plain words. You know I’m not good at reading signs.”

Seokjin gives you a blank stare before turning around to leave the area. You stand rooted to your place, jaw dropped and eyes wide.

Some time apart? Has he lost his mind? 

He really is a huge freaking idiot who cannot pause to think what implications his words have. He seriously doesn’t recognize what all his “don’t be ridiculous/overdramatic/stupid” speeches do to you. You realize you should really make him understand. This has gone on for way too long.

But maybe you should take some time to yourself to cool off before that. You don’t want to say the wrong thing in your rage and complicate things further.

You sigh to yourself as you slump back into the bench you were sat on before.

You’d set out to tell your boyfriend you were feeling neglected, but you ended up making him think you want to be apart. How the heck did you get here?

You belatedly recall Jackson's words.

Why the hell can you not just say shit you really mean and actually want to instead of saying shit you don't?

You’re choosing to be evasive and fucking plastic instead of honest, and falling deeper into your mess.

Your usually dumbheaded best friend was right on this one, you realize. You should’ve just talked like a normal human being instead of letting Seokjin’s words get to you and get pissy in retaliation.

You give a weary sigh. 

Seokjin is grateful for the sudden busyness he’s got on his schedule, or he would explode from all the pent up frustration you have been causing him. 

He realized he wasn’t as upset with you as he was irritated, right after he walked away from you on Monday. He dropped you a text with some excuse of needing to stay back so that he wasn’t forced to ride with you in the car again, and later took the bus home. 

You had told Jackson Wang about what was troubling you, but not him. It made Seokjin feel upset, incompetent and more than a little insecure. Seokjin absolutely hates feeling insecure. Especially about you. You’re the singular most precious entity in his life — not that you are an entity, per se — and anything that seeks to threaten your position in his life or his position in yours, makes him lose his shit.

So it was understandable that he jumped to unfairly disproportionate magnitudes of conclusions that day. When he thought about it, later, he could easily tell that you are just mad at him and not actually contemplating leaving him, not even for a little while. Not that he’d just sit back and have you do that so easily.

Seokjin also hates overthinking, but that is all he did for the entirety of his Monday. 

Monday, though, was the last time he had time to overthink. Life got exponentially busier after that.

Immediately after his shoot on Tuesday, he received his agent’s call and was informed of his jam packed schedule for the remainder of the week. He was pulled into two separate magazine ad shoots on Wednesday, a perfume ad film drank up all of his Thursday, and today, a hair product ad film needed him to report to a sunrise point in the city at the ass-crack of dawn. The sky was still dark when he rode across the city with his agent at nearly four in the morning. 

And now, the afternoon sun beats down on his car as he drives back alone, his agent staying back to tend to some business. Stopping at a red light, he reaches for his spinach smoothie with one hand and his phone with the other. Ugh, he feels beyond tired.

Blearily, he looks down at the device around a yawn, fingers habitually reaching for your chat.

He took a week off from the restaurant and dropped you a text, late Tuesday evening, informing you of the same.

Honey✨❤👸 Hm, kay. Good luck x

Unsurprisingly, that stands to be your last message in his inbox. It’s been four days.

Sighing, he swipes a hand down his tired face and exits out of the message app. He went to bed at nine o’clock, last night, and owing to the way he has trained his body to sleep on command, he did manage to get a sleep of nearly six hours, too. But it was fitful and plagued with nightmares featuring you. 

Knowing he doesn't have to be at the restaurant until Monday and that his next gig isn’t until Wednesday, he cannot wait to get back home and drink his weight in alcohol before he sleeps his way through the weekend.

Just as he has moved past the intersection, his phone rings. 

Honey✨❤👸 calling...

He nearly spits the smoothie he just sipped at.

Coughing, he roughly jostles the plastic cup back in the holder and pulls up to a side of the road to pick up the call. “Hey,” he breathes into the phone, embarrassed at his desperation.

“Jin. Um, hi.” You sound awkward, as if you…have been compelled to call him due to some reason.

He is immediately worried. “Honey? Is everything okay, do you need something?”

He hates himself for being so concerned when you have been neglecting him for so many days – yet again, despite your spat at the restaurant – instead of finally talking to him about what’s bothering you, but he can’t help it. At the end of the day, you are the love of his life. 

“Yes, yes, I’m okay. It’s just, um. Can you pick me up from the restaurant?” you sound nervous.

But, Seokjin realizes, I was right. You do need something. He clears his throat. “Uh, okay, I guess,” he agrees before stopping short when he realizes the time. “Wait, it’s barely even two. Why are you leaving?” he asks, confused and a little concerned. You work your shift till five every day and till eight on weekends.

“Tomorrow is Halloween, Jin. We’re closing for the weekend, remember?”

Seokjin’s mouth falls open on a gasp. He really had forgotten. “Oh. Oh, okay. Yeah, I’ll be there in five, wait up.”

He swerves the car into the lane and takes off in the direction of the restaurant. 

He laughs at himself. He has been so caught up in work that he literally forgot Halloween. He wonders if this is what actual adulting is.

He is stopping before the restaurant within three minutes of your phone call, eyes immediately spotting your delicate figure standing on the sidewalk with your hands crossed against your chest.

You step down from the curb when you spot his car, and walk towards him. He watches your elegant legs as they beautifully fall in a straight line. Even when exiting your job as a waitress, you’re every bit the elegant model he met in college. Your hips sway tantalizingly, and something akin to longing swirls in his chest.

He composes himself quickly when you cross the car to get into the passenger’s seat. You awkwardly clear your throat as Seokjin busies himself with starting the vehicle, unsure if he should initiate conversation.

“Um, sorry about this. You were probably getting ready for shoot,” you finally say. “Byulyi dropped me off today. She wasn’t picking her phone up. I was trying to get a cab for half an hour. And the bus stop’s really far—”

“Hey, stop. It’s okay. You should’ve called me sooner.” Seokjin catches your apprehensive gaze on his oversized hoodie when he chances a glance at you. He sighs. “I was returning home from shoot, actually.”

He feels you stiffen, and he feels even more mentally drained at this. You used to be updated with his schedule to the tee — just short of having an actual copy of the calendar his agent carries on him. And the same goes for him with your schedule. This feels so wrong.

You are quiet for a while, your hands fidgeting in his peripheral vision.

“How—how was it?” you finally say, voice coming out like a croak.

Seokjin shrugs his shoulders. “The usual. Blinding, tiring, exhaustive. I did okay, I guess.”

He feels your gaze snap up to drill holes into his skull. Your eyes are wide when he checks. “Okay? Since when do you do anything less than amazing at shoots, babe?”

He feels endeared at your casual use of a pet name. “I had to get up at three in the morning and go through a skincare routine. Then drive across the entire city to get to the location, because they wanted to capture actual sunrise. I was more tired than excited by the time they rolled cameras, so.” He shrugs. “Can’t really say I gave my best today.”

You nod at his admission. 

Seokjin almost jumps when his phone rings, again.

Jiminie calling...

He feels you shift in your seat. His mouth sours at the reminder of that Sue girl that started off this entire tussle between you and him. Fucking Jimin and his conquests. What happened to the shy and more than a little glum looking freshman he let into his living space, three years ago?

Your hand suddenly reaches forth to accept the call, putting it on loudspeaker, immediately. Seokjin gapes at you, momentarily looking away from the road. 

“Uh…hyung?” Jimin’s confused voice echoes in the car. 

Seokjin snaps out of his daze when you gesture towards the device. “Wh—Jimin, hi, what’s — what’s up?” he stumbles his way through a haphazard greeting.

“Hyung, I needed a favor. Are you on your way back from the shoot, right now?” Jimin asks, and Seokjin sees you freeze in your seat.

He feels a perverse sense of satisfaction. Yes, take that! Park Jmin knows of my schedule better than you do! This is what you get for ghosting me! “I was, yeah. What is it?”

“Oh, great! I kinda need your help, hyung. My tire gave out. Could you pick me up from the Kappa hall?”

Seokjin scowls. “Yah! Who am I, your butler? Hop on a damn bus!”

He notices you pursing your lips, no doubt finding his agitation humorous — you always do. 

“Hyu~ng,” Jimin whines. “I would take the bus, but the next one leaves in forty-five minutes and I need to be back within an hour!”

“What? Why?”

“I started on my sem project really late, hyung, and now I gotta spend any time I can spare at the rehearsal hall. I’m meeting a choreographer here in an hour. Please help me out!” Jimin is still whining, and maybe his reasoning is kind of alright, but—

Seokjin is tired to his bones. He literally cannot drive all the way down to your apartment and then drive back to the university campus to pick Jimin up.

He sighs, wearily. “Jimin… I’m really tired.” 

“And I’m really desperate, hyung! Dancing is tough! And the subject I've chosen, tougher. I haven't done ballet since first semester, Freshman year! I have to work my butt off and be done in under two months."

Seokjin exhales, feeling beyond exhausted. But then your finger is tapping on the screen and the call has been muted. Seokjin’s surprised eyes fly up to meet yours. You look conflicted, biting down on your lower lip as you shake your head with a frown.

“You should go home and rest, Jin. Leave the car with me, I’ll pick him up.”

“Hyung? Say something?”

Seokjin blinks. “You…”

You roll your eyes. “I’ll pick him up, yeah. He’ll drop me off and drive back to your place.”

“Hyung?! Did you put me on mute, or what? I can't hear a thing!”

“Tell him you’ll be there in ten!” you say, unmuting the call.

“I’m in the car, the network must have glitched. I’ll, uh… be there in ten?” Seokjin nervously finishes off, looking at you in question. You give him a nod, blinking slowly. “Wait up, okay?”

“Oh my God, thank you so much, hyung!” Jimin practically squeals through the phone. “I’ll be in the ice cream shop across the building. I love you, hyung-nim!”

Seokjin rolls his eyes and disconnects the call. He looks at you from the corner of his eyes as he takes a right, now moving in the direction of his apartment instead of yours. “You sure about this? Jimin, um, knows. About our…” Seokjin doesn’t want to call it the f-word, because he would like to believe that you two aren’t actually fighting. “You being upset, I mean,” he settles for the easier alternative. “He might ask questions.”

You give a small huff of wry laugh. “I can handle it, Seokjin. I’ve known Jimin for almost three years now.”

Seokjin doesn’t like it when you address him by his full name. And so, his lips remain pursed for the remainder of the ride, only parting to tell you to “drive safe and text me when you finally get home,” and then he walks inside his apartment without looking back.

He hears his car come to life and then speed away. He shuts his eyes, leaning against the kitchen counter. Gathering his emotional as well as physical bearings, he opens the refrigerator to rummage through some leftovers to munch on while he breaks out a six pack of Budweiser. 

Before his fried rice has even reheated, Seokjin groans at the sight of an all too jovial Hoseok entering the kitchen with a glint in his eyes. “No, Hobi. Not now.”

“What? I didn’t say a word, hyung!”

Seokjin winces, shutting his eyes just as the microwave beeps. “I don’t have enough energy to deal with your general aura, right now,” he mumbles, extracting the piping hot glass bowl. He leans down to open one of the compartments beneath the kitchen table to get to the beer that he’s been dreaming of for nearly an hour, now. “I’m dead on my feet and—woah!” Seokjin gasps, cutting himself off.

Hoseok hops into the kitchen, coming around to stand behind Seokjin. “So you found ’em,” he says around a chuckle.

“Found ’em? This is you?” Seokjin whips his head around to glare at Hoseok up from his crouch. “Why is my liquor closet resembling a liquor shop, Hobi? Why do we have all this—” he turns around to read the labels, cursing under his breath. “Why do we have,” he pauses to count, “five bottles of Tequila and eight bottles of Vodka?”

Hoseok frowns in concern. “Eight? There should be ten, hyung, check again.”

Seokjin actually gasps, this time. “What the hell, Jung Hoseok? Explain yourself before I start throwing hands!”

Hoseok smacks a palm against his forehead, taking Seokjin by surprise, yet again. “Tonight’s the Halloween party, hyung! Did you actually forget?”

Seokjin screws his eyes shut, letting his head roll back with a frustrated whine. “No~o, don’t tell me it's tonight. Halloween’s tomorrow, right? Why is the party tonight?”

“Yes, hyung, Halloween in tomorrow, which is why it would be stupid to hold the party when Halloween is ending.”

Seokjin finds the logic to be very severely flawed, but his energy is draining out fast and he cannot keep up with this quarrel. There’s no point, anyway. He’s known about this party for nearly a month. And Hoseok isn’t going to postpone a whole party just because Seokjin is tired.

“You look tired, hyung. You should rest. Recharge yourself before the party, okay? There’s plenty of time.” Hoseok pats Seokjin on the shoulder with a kind smile.

“I’m not even in the mood to party, Hobi,” Seokjin mutters, reaching behind all the glass bottles to extract his pack of cans. 

Hoseok scowls at Seokjin. “Because you’re upset about your fight, I realize that. All the more reason to party, hyung! Take your mind off it for some time, why don’t you? You don’t even have to dress up, come as yourself.”

“I’d rather just drink myself to sleep and not wake up for the next twenty four hours.”

Hoseok blocks his path as Seokjin moves to exit the kitchen. “Is Honey coming?”

Seokjin sighs, shrugging his shoulders. “I don’t know, Hobi. Did you invite her?”

“No, hyung, because you said you would.”

Seokjin clicks his tongue. He completely forgot. “Then she isn’t coming.”

Without listening to his protests, Seokjin trudges upstairs with his food and beer. He will be forced to come down for at least a couple shots, he is certain, so he better make as much of the time he has on his hands as he can.

These days, it seems to be becoming a pattern for you to do things without really understanding why you do them. 

You nibble at your bottom lip as you recall how gaunt and pale Seokjin had looked when you sat in the car. You had been really self-centered as it is, not really keeping in touch with him for four days, and then reaching out when you needed help. You couldn’t bear to think, on top of everything, that he had driven you home despite his extreme exhaustion while you sat back selfishly and let him drive around the city to pick Jimin up when he looked like a ghost.

You shake your head at yourself as Jimin jogs down the road to enter the car, ten seconds after you texted him. 

His gaze is slightly hesitant when he meets your eyes, even though his smile is nothing but genuine. “Hello, noona. How come you are…” he trails off, gesturing around the two of you.

You start the car, shrugging one shoulder. “Seokjin came to pick me up. Now you’re gonna drop me off.”

Jimin gives you a huge smile, before his eyebrows suddenly lower. You look away, veering onto the road. “Wait. Were you in the car with him when I called?”

You chuckle. “Yes.”

“Oh,” Jimin mumbles around a small laugh.

You hum to yourself as you drive, distracting yourself from the thoughts that keep encircling your head. Seokjin is your boyfriend, no matter how mad you might be at him — you love him and care about him. Which is why you have tried to help him out. Not to mention, you felt slightly guilty, as it is, about calling him to pick you up. Why is your gesture of goodwill bothering you, then?

This is what you do for people you care about. Seokjin would do the same.

Your train of thoughts suddenly comes to a screeching halt.

Would he? Would he, really?

“You okay, noona?”

You jolt back from your thoughts, wide eyes turning to look at Jimin. “Wha—yes, yeah, I'm fine.”

He cocks an eyebrow at you. “You’re gripping the wheel really hard.”

You look at your tightly clenched fists, and immediately ease them. “Oh, uh. Sorry. A lot on my mind, I guess.”

“Understandably,” Jimin mutters, looking out of the side window when you turn to look at him.

You purse your lips and press down on the accelerator. 

A few beats of silence pass between you two before Jimin clears his throat. “Can I say something?” he asks you in a soft voice, looking nothing like the seductive persona he puts forth to get ladies falling in his bed. 

You exhale. “Sure.”

“You, um. You are not just hyung’s girlfriend, you know?” he says slowly.

You scoff. “Of course, I do. I am also the very best server my restaurant has ever seen and the best struggling model you’ll ever meet, on the side.”

Jimin snorts, before giggling with his eyes closed. “You know that’s not what I meant.”

You do. But you do not want to face it. You want to be selfish, for once. You do absolutely know that you have been ignoring all the boys in your anger at Seokjin, but you absolutely do not wish to do anything about it. Not until you’ve resolved this tense air between you and Seokjin.

“You are also a part of our little family,” Jimin quietly finishes.

You suck your lips in at that. The word “family'' really gets to you. 

He’s right, isn’t he? 

All eight of you — well, nine, now, with the addition of Taehyung’s girlfriend — have been a family since the day you met these guys.

You smile as the memories start to filter in.

You had had a giant crush on Seokjin since the very first time you saw him in your Freshman year. Well, having a crush on the guy wasn’t that unheard of given how handsome he was. It also helped matters that he modelled for the cover page of your university’s journal within his first month in college. What surprised you was his reciprocated interest when you both finally got to know each other, thanks to Byulyi. Your current roommate was majoring in photography back then, and somehow roped the two of you into modelling for her portfolio. Seokjin asked you out during the sixth month of your Freshman year.

You recall being introduced to Yoongi in your Sophomore year, when he entered your college as a Music major. You found him laid back, calm but really sassy, and fun to be around. The three of you often hung out together, and you took immense pleasure in singling Seokjin out with the two of your sarcastic back and forths.

In your senior year, Hoseok transferred to your college as a Sophomore, and Taehyung and Jimin entered as Freshmen. 

Hoseok was literally the most lively person you’d ever met in your life. There wasn’t a single moment of boredom next to him. He was easily given the responsibility of planning all your outings and parties, henceforth — a position he still holds with full competence.

Taehyung was usually found to be lost in his head more often than not in his initial college days. He was confused about his major for two entire semesters. With inputs from the group, when he eventually picked Art, he eased into college life. After that, he came out to be one of the weirdest and unwittingly funny guys in the group. You still don’t get how he was the first amongst all the boys to find him a girl.

Jimin was a really quiet and reserved individual, at first. He very rarely interacted with you all, choosing to stay holed up in his dorm room, instead, that Taehyung had forced him to share with him. You suspected he was recovering from a recent heartbreak. It became evident when he started dating someone within a week of getting into college, only to confess it was a rebound when he got dumped. The whoring around that began after the whole debacle is yet to cease, though. Obviously. 

Hoseok comes from a really well-off family, and had brought along with him the four-bedroom apartment he currently resides in with Yoongi, Jimin and your boyfriend. His uncle gave it away to him, rent-free of course, and he proposed to share it with the rest of the guys. Seokjin and Yoongi were immediately on board, more than eager to leave the chaotic dorm life behind. Taehyung, contrarily, decided he wanted to get the whole college experience and refused to quit the dorms. Jimin, then, left the dorm he shared with Taehyung to move in with the elders.

You met Jungkook immediately after your graduation on the boy’s eighteenth birthday. He instantly struck you as a smart kid, really good at singing as well as art. Yoongi disclosed he wanted to be a music major in your college, and you tried to encourage Jungkook about it, but the guy could hardly even look at you. It was cute but also hilarious how much he was scared of Seokjin, and by principle, you.

You believe that is still true. Now that you think about it, you're pretty sure you haven’t seen Jungkook ever actually relax around the two of you.

“Noona?”

You blink, coming back to the present as Jimin calls out to you. You take a deep breath, the memories hitting you with tender emotions. All these people are really precious to you, aren’t they? The bunch of you really are a family, aren’t you?

A sad smile swims up to your face. You miss the boys.

When he calls again, you turn to look at Jimin, questioningly. 

“Please don’t be mad at hyung,” he slowly says, looking down at his lap. In this moment, he looks quite unlike the Jimin you are used to and reminds you of, instead, the one you’d first met. “He might lack tact, sometimes, but he really loves you a lot. You’re his whole world. Whatever it is that you are angry about, you should tell him about it. I don’t think he would be able to figure it out by himself.”

This, you agree with. “I’ll try, Jiminie.”

“We all miss you. Especially Hobi hyung and I,” he says with a lopsided excuse of a smile. 

You resist the urge to fluff his hair. Jimin and Hoseok have been like the younger brothers you never had. You miss them, too. 

He suddenly chuckles. "And Yoongi hyung hides it well, but I think he's the one that misses you the most. No one helps him roast Jin hyung quite like you do."

You roll your eyes. "Of course not. It's a waste for Yoongi to even try to find a better partner at roasting Jin."

You spot your apartment building and pull up to it. 

“I’ll try to talk to Jin as soon as I can, Jimin, I promise. Don't worry so much about it,” you say as you step out, patting the boy once on his head. "I miss you all, too."

You give a small wave and faint smile to him as he drives away.

tagging: @shrimpmsg​

note: so! a lil bit of backstory and the infamous halloween party - how we feelin’ so far? the next part is ~12k words, too, and i’ll post it next wednesday, wait around~ 😘💕

SECOND PART OUT NOW: read here!

© jimilter | 2021