#fanfic is real writing pass it on | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

melodeebarnes · 5 months

Text

"Of course, I noticed"

Pairings: Bucky Barnes x reader

Summary: It's your first Christmas with the Avengers, and you're nervous. Not everyone is big on the idea of a new teammate. They haven't been very good at remembering to include you. However, someone you least expected remembered.

Notes from Author: This is my first thing to write on here, and first written out fanfic ever. So, not sure how I feel about this. I started writing this at 2AM. So, we'll see.

*No mention of y/n*

It's currently 7:45AM, and you've just finished up wrapping the present you picked out for Wanda. You want to make sure everything is perfect.

It's you're first Christmas living in the compound and what happens today could determine how everyone thinks about you. You may be overreacting a bit...but what if you're not? Either way, your nerves are at their peak.

You take a deep breath, and grab all of the gifts you bought for everyone. You head down to the main living area, which holds the biggest Christmas tree in the compound. You delicately place each present underneath it, next to the other ones.

You follow the aroma of fresh hot coffee into the kitchen. You pass Wanda, who's flipping a pancake, humming to the Christmas music sounding from F.R.I.D.A.Y.

You grab your favorite mug, and quickly turn, eager for the first sip of coffee. Thankfully you got here just in time, as there isn't much left. You pour the rest of the steamy hot goodness into your cup.

You quickly doll in up, a little bit of cream, and a little bit of sugar. Just the way you like it. You take the first sip, and it's perfec-

"You've got to be kidding me." Bucky groans, causing everyone to turn their attention to him. Though, his eyes seem to be on you. "You just HAD to take the last of the coffee?"

Bucky. He's the person you knew you'd have the most trouble with today. He has never been fond of you. You thought he just needed some time to warm up to you, but even after months he still hates you. He made up his mind about you the first day, and won't change it.

"I'm sorry, there wasn't much left." You explain.

He scoffs, "So you think you can just come in here and take it? You have no right to-"

"Hey! What's the rule?" Wanda interrupts, immediately shutting him up. "No arguing on Christmas morning," she reminds.

He huffs out a sigh, glaring at you. "Whatever." He mutters.

"Here, I'll make another pot." Steve offers, being the peacemaker, he is. He looks back at you, giving a friendly smile.

Everyone sits down, eating their breakfast. There's a bit of banter between the group, but you just sit and listen. They're clearly more familiar with each other than they are with you.

They haven't made much effort to get to know you on a personal level, so you chose not to force it.

Tony walks in into the kitchen, grabbing a piece of bacon from the plate. "Alright, now that I'm here we can start the real meaning of the gracious holiday."

You follow behind everyone to the black velvet couches and sit in the in the empty spot on the corner. Natasha passes out everyone's gifts to their recipient.

As you watch each gift get passed out, you notice how few of gifts you have, compared to everyone else. You have two gifts, one from Steve, and one with no name.

"Sorry, we're not used to you being here for Christmas." Bruce shrugs.

"Oh, no. It's fine. I totally understand" You try to hide the disappointment behind a smile, but there's no hiding the sadness' in your eyes. Though, no one cares enough to notice.

You try to brush it off and open the gifts you do have. Inside the gift from Steve is new training gloves. Your old ones were already beginning to wear out, your thankful to have new ones.

"Thank you, Steve."

"My pleaser." He smiles, warmly.

The second gift with no name, is a small box with a poorly tied bow. You sigh at the lack of effort. When you open it, you see a necklace with a diamond incrusted butterfly charm. It's the same one you saw at an antique store you went to when everyone was out shopping on a day off.

You figured no one was paying attention, but clearly someone was. "Wait, who is this from?" You ask, gently holding up the necklace.

Everyone either shrugs, or looks around looking for an answer to the same question.

"Well whoever it was, thank you so much." You're unable to stop smiling. You admire the beauty of the necklace.

A few hours later, you're back up in your room. You decided to leave the celebration early because you felt left out. It just seemed like it'd be best for everyone.

However, the sound of a knock, echos off your door.

"Who is it?" You raise your voice, in order for them to hear you. When there's no answer, you sigh getting up. You slowly open to door, to see Bucky standing on the other side, hands in pockets, and eyes avoiding yours.

"Uhm...may I help you?" You ask, confused.

"I just came to tell you, we're doing our annual Christmas movie night, in case you wanted to join." He mutters, looking off to the side.

"Trust me, no one wants me there."

"That's not tru-" He cuts himself off.

You furrow your brow, "What?" you ask.

"Did you not like the gift?" He asks, now looking at your neck, still bare with no jewelry.

"No, I loved it I just-" you got yourself off, suddenly putting the puzzle pieces together. "Wait, that was from you?" You question, taken aback.

"Uhm..yeah." He mutters.

"Why didn't you put a name on it?" You feel confused. Why would, Bucky, of all people be the one to get you the meaningful gift.

"Well, usually everyone can tell by the wrapping." He rubs the back of his neck, embarrassed. "I'm not the best at it, but I swear I try."

"Well, that is what matters." You laugh. "Wait, but how did you know?"

"When we were all out shopping, I saw the way your face lit up when you saw the necklace." He explains. "So, I assumed it'd be the perfect gift for you."

"I can't believe you noticed that."

"Of course, I noticed." He smiles at you for the first time ever.

You can't lie, seeing him smile did abrupt a few stray butterflies in your stomach. "Thank you, it must've cost a fortune."

He shakes his head. "The price isn't what matters. It's the thought that goes into the gift."

"I never thought I'd hear that coming out of your mouth." You laugh.

"Yeah, and if you tell anyone I'm gonna have to kill you." He jokes.

"Can't ruin your big bad wolf reputation, right?"

"Hey, it's white wolf." He corrects.

You put your hands up in defense. "My apologies."

"Wait, so why aren't you wearing the necklace?" He asks.

"I'm not great at putting on necklaces, and I didn't want to break or mess it up." You explain.

He nods in understanding, "Would you like me to help?" He asks.

"Sure, I would love your help." You smile, opening the door wide, inviting him inside.

He hesitantly walks in, immediately spotting the gift sitting in the poorly wrapped box. You smile, delicately taking it out and handing it to him. You turn around, watching him through the mirror.

He uses his flesh hand to gently brushes your hair out of the way, sending shivers down your spine. He brings the beautiful necklace in front of you, and you lift your hair up out while he clasps the chain.

You let your hair fall, but you both stand silently looking in the mirror. Suddenly he ends the silence by clearing his throat.

"It's beautiful, Bucky. Thank you."

"Call me Buck." He smiles, again.

"Really? But I thought you hated me."

"I don't hate you. Sometimes I'm just not great with new recruits, and I don't handle it the proper way." He looks away, embarrassed by the way he's been acting. "And I'm sorry for treating you so poorly these past few months."

"It's okay." You smile.

"Now come on, lets go down for movie night." He begins to walk out.

"But they probably don't want me there." You say.

"If they have anything to say, they'll have to deal with me." He warns. "Between me and you, they're all a little if not extremely scared of me." He laughs.

"Well then, this should be good." You smile, and follow him out.

#bucky barnes #bucky #bucky fanfic #bucky fluff #bucky x reader #bucky x female reader #bucky x you #james bucky buchanan barnes #bucky x y/n

789 notes · View notes

otome-corner-cafe · 2 years

Text

Happy birthday to the director extraordinaire, Llyod Newton!

#happy birthday llyod #llyod newton #backstage pass #my buddy and pal in creation #okay some of the line specific to his friendship route really hit me as a creator #i write fanfic once in a while #and sometimes the creative juices just don't flow #or they flow to ideas that i shouldn't be focusing on at the moment #i wanna know this dude for real

0 notes

mrghostrat · 5 months

Text

some tips for writing flow

i've had a lot of comments complimenting my writing style, most of which don't know how to explain or describe what they like about it. i never really knew either, but i've been paying more attention to the way i write things lately, in the hope of being able to understand and explain it.

a lot of this is "based on feel" with no hard and fast rules, but there's also very tangible techniques you can hopefully work into your own writing, if that makes sense? idk is this anything—

1 - sentence beats, and alternating them.

this is probably the biggest thing in my writing. i've realised my sentences can be measured in beats, based on their length and how many sections they can be broken into. the pattern changes often, and i don't have a concrete rule in how i fill a paragraph (again, i've only just put words to any of this), but it's probably the most important part of my flow. let's have a look:

1 beat: • this is probably the biggest thing in my writing.

2 beats: • i've realised my sentences can be measured in beats • based on their length and how many sections they can be broken into.

3 beats: • the pattern changes often • and i don't have a concrete rule in how i fill a paragraph • but it's probably the most important part of my flow.

it looks like a favour certain patterns, the only real "rule" i use is to construct a paragraph with various beats, and never put two side by side. whenever i'm struggling with my flow, it's usually because i've put two of the same beats next to each other and everything feels either stiff or crowded. i rarely put two side by side, unless it's for specific emphasis.

the other exception are paragraph breaks: these are a pause for breath, and allow us to reset the pattern. i often start and end my paragraphs with single beat sentences, and it doesn't feel like they're running on because there's that lovely breath between them.

2 - short paragraphs

the rule we learn in school is that new paragraphs are for new ideas. convert this to prose, and we can consider "ideas" to include the character's thoughts, new narrative tangents, and physical movement around a scene.

one of my biggest struggles reading "bad" fanfic is when paragraphs are too lumped together. crowley will walk into the bookshop, see aziraphale across the way, wander over to a shelf, select a book, then pour himself a drink all in one big chunk. i can't parse that. there doesn't have to be a new line break for every new action, but grouping the relevant ones together and breaking in between broad motions (i.e. walking across a room, acknowledging a character) can help ease readers through the scene.

paragraphs are a breath, not only for sentence flow, but for processing the action within a story. similarly, purposefully keeping multiple actions confined to a single paragraph can make them feel quicker, while breaking them up into multiple paragraphs will slow down the pacing (even if the amount of detail describing each action is the same). included some examples because i'm struggling to explain this one

3 - mixing metaphors

this might sound less flow related, but i used to struggle with it a lot as a young writer, and paying more attention to it has definitely helped clean up my flow and writing overall.

i love a good analogy, but it can be easy to get carried away, and this can bog down the prose. my personal rule is that i can get silly with my metaphors (see: the mon chéri magnet), but i can only use one at a time. no talking about the magnet in aziraphale's chest and the angel and demon on his shoulder within the same scene.

if i'm getting silly and long winded with a metaphor, i also try to limit the length of it to one or two paragraphs. paragraph 1: set up the metaphor, establish the analogy. paragraph 2: come back to the reality of the scene, then mention the metaphor once more to link it all together. if i'm feeling cheeky, then i mention the metaphor again ONCE in passing, a couple of paragraphs or even chapters later

the magnet was a fun one, because i kind of flipped how i would usually present a metaphor, with the long winded tangent coming last instead of being the set up. and even though i used the metaphor 3 times, it felt like 2 because the set up was really just a planted seed for what i'd be mentioning later in the theatre. referencing the "whispered curse in the dark" also helped tie the scenes together and keep the analogies neat and tidy in our heads

meanwhile i got a little more carried away with the space metaphor in postcards (i feel like there's probably a 4th and maybe even 5th mention during the bookshop scene), but each one was blink-and-you'll-miss-it brief that didn't slog down the prose.

4 - avoiding repetitive pronouns

we're all going to struggle with this, and i don't have a secret hack for avoiding a wall of "he this, he that, he then," and i honestly try not to beat myself up over it too much. but there are two things i check to make sure it's not getting too repetitive:

1. looking within a paragraph

apparently everything revolves around paragraphs and the breath between them lmao. i don't have a strict rule like "use the character's name once per paragraph, then 'he' for the rest" or anything like that, but it's in that kind of vein. i simply pay attention to one paragraph at a time to watch for too much repetition, and if i notice it's been one or two whole blocks without switching from 'he' to a name, i'll chuck one in to break it up.

2. paragraph starters

this is so picky. and i don't know if it does ANYTHING, but it bugs me when i'm writing and i notice every paragraph starts the same way. maybe it has no effect on the flow at all. but i like to make sure my paragraphs aren't starting with the same "he" "he" "he", and that forces me to go back and switch around the pronouns in recent sentences, so the next paragraph can flow on more smoothly.

5 - use interruptions appropriately

edit: sneaking this one in here as a final thought! i just want to mention the use of em-dashes, semicolons, footnotes, and parenthesis mid-sentence. it's common to favour one in particular, but each have spectacular uses and can add miles to the pacing and flow of your prose.

em-dash (—) interruptions, cutting off dialogue— pausing to make a point — like this — in the middle of a sentence.

semicolon (;) helps with making lists and continuing a compound sentence that doesn't really link with 'and' or 'but'; when you want to pause, but a new sentence would break the flow of things.

footnotes (¹) these should be optional additions to the text imo. you should be able to keep reading without looking at the footnotes and not lose an ounce of story. they're additive, not necessary.

parenthesis ( () ) a great way to interrupt yourself (less sharply) than with em-dashes, include longer pieces of information (like what you might put in a footnote, except more crucial to the narrative that you don't want people to miss!) and adding sass (lol) and tone to your prose.

#*taps mic* IS THIS ANYTHING #includes some bnf teasers :)#note: ADDED A 5TH POINT AT THE END AT THE LAST MINUTE #writing tips #writing process #fan fic #fan fiction #fic #rat writes #good omens fic

409 notes · View notes

olderthannetfic · 3 months

Note

Getting this off my chest:

Back from a small fanfic hiatus, and I am absolutely flabbergasted by all of the fic authors now practically begging their readers to READ THE TAGS.

I’ve been seeing this warning written in summaries, in author’s notes, highlighted in all caps in the actual tags. I’ve read so many apologies written by authors in the comments in response to people chastising the author for writing what they wanted to write, for what they tagged correctly — for what essentially comes down to nothing more than having had other people actively ignore their tags or read despite them.

And there seems to be this bizarre, somehow largely accepted idea that it is the creators job and responsibility to beseech their readers to ‘use caution’ and to ‘stay safe’, to ‘be mindful of their health’…

I am beyond confused here.

Since when??? did exercising the most basic form of common sense and acknowledging one’s personal yeas and nays, likes and limitations, become some other random stranger’s burden rather than one’s own? And especially a random person who tagged their work correctly??? Does no one remember how to harness their own powers of discernment and self-regulation???

This little jaunt back onto ao3 has been unlike any that I’ve ever experienced before. What. Happened?????? Who is this new, apparently severely emotionally unstable and obstinately tags-reading resistant audience everyone has come to focus on?

It all feels so out of touch. The basic concept of ao3 is for the reader to seek out what they want, not what they don’t want. And to actually read. But there seems to have been an extremely strong shift away from reading. On ao3. A site built specifically for reading and writing. (And other fandom artistic pursuits, but not my focus, atm; though I’m sure whatever this is has crept steadily into all spaces there.)

Plummeting reading comprehension must be somewhat to blame; the popularity of fanfic amongst younger and wider audiences, as well. But… young people have always been there, as far as my own experiences go, and it was never like this. It’s as if too many readers don’t know how to make good or even practical decisions for themselves anymore, that they’ve lost the skill of choosing, and now believe that they must consume everything that passes before them; — that they have, for some reason, adopted the belief that any turmoil or dislike or discomfort felt within themselves is harm purposely being done to them by the author.

Idk. Idk, idk, idk. It’s just such a bummer to see how much nervousness and distress has entered the community. Authors notes and comments used to be hilarious fun, or a peek into someone else’s real-life world, used to be casual and full of personality, whereas nowadays, there seems to be an underlying hesitancy and distrust, a sort of growing divide between writers and readers, groups which, until recently, very much were not mutually exclusive.

Idiots have been around forever. The more you cater to them, the more entitled they get. It's best to shut that shit down fast and use no warnings that indicate a willingness to entertain stupid complaints.

348 notes · View notes

blackopals-world · 15 days

Text

Otaku!Yuu: *reading a dark romance book* Are you here to put me down again over my taste in books.

Writer!Yuu:*sigh* I not trying to attack you. I never attack you. You need to see my perspective on this. You keep saying that the books you read are really books and not just smut. So I treat them like they are more then just smut. But if I do that I have to judge them like real books. That means they are not above criticism. The problem is every time I tell you that from a literary perspective, the books are bad you get upset. The majority of them don't even have romance, but sex between people that either don't like each other or the man is assaulting the woman. They just fuck until suddenly they are in love. If this was fanfic I'd give it a pass because fanfic isn't trying to pass itself off as a legitimate book. Although in my opinion, I read fics that deserve to be published over this other garbage. I love books and I want to read good books not a collection of tropes spun together to capture the attention of teen girls who haven't discovered fanfic yet as a way to feed their unhealthy obsessions. Yes I may be critical but you have to be in the realm of books because they deserve respect and only writers who actually try to make something new and authentic deserve that respect. If I have to be put on a stage next to writers who can't even write a coherent plot without sex to fill the page-length then I'd give up on anyone actually respecting my work.

Otaku!Yuu: It's just a book.

Writer!Yuu: (snatches book and flips through the pages) Well not to me....this book has 5 sex scenes and barely 200 pages. That's not even a novel length. That's not good. And the scenes are like 20 pages! This is just erotica! Just call this erotica. Why is this labeled a YA-fiction? This isn't for teens!

Otaku!Yuu: (trying grab book) This why I hate you! Give it back!

(Yes, I'm venting. I hate booktok. Just call it erotica!)

#writer!yuu #otaku!yuu #yuuniverse #twisted wonderland #twisted wonderland x reader

135 notes · View notes

blacknedsoul-blog · 3 months

Text

A detailed explanation from my headcanon that Annabel has ADHD

So I had this six fucking hour trip. On a bus. Alone. And I was bored out of my mind, because sitting around being bored is as close to mental torture as it gets for me.

Fortunately, the light at the end of the tunnel: I was inspired. Away from the burnout I have with fanfics, I remembered that I've mentioned this headcanon several times on Nevermore's Discord and just thought, what better time to talk about ADHD than when I'm having a pretty ADHD moment?

But before I start, there are a few little things that need to be pretty clear on the table:

I'm being a bit hypocritical here: in general, I'm deeply against diagnosing fictional characters for two reasons: first, it's an impossible task to distinguish between character traits and symptoms to such an extent that you can go around forever without coming to a real conclusion unless the author of the work confirms it, and second, even if you have the disorder you're talking about, you can fall into the trap of perpetuating stereotypes or generalizing, thereby invalidating other experiences. So even if the tone of this review sounds very assertive, it is because of my writing style. I am in no way diagnosing Annabel; this is an analysis of her character through the lens of a possible disorder.

In relation to the above, where I point out an event in the comic that can be read as a symptom, I am not reducing it to "this only happens because she has ADHD". You CAN'T reduce a person's personality to "they has a disorder," and when I point out these examples, I'm not doing so with the intention of denying the background behind it, but rather pointing out how, under the magnifying glass of having it, it might exacerbate that behavior.

I am NOT a psychologist, a psychiatrist, or a neurologist: I am a woman with ADHD. One who has done a lot of research on the subject, been in therapy with a psychologist who specializes in the disorder, and talked extensively about it both with friends who also have it and with professionals. But I don't have a career in mental health, I don't pretend to, and everything you'll read below is a mixture of research and personal experience.

You're going to see a lot of "we" or "those of us with ADHD" because, as I said, I have it too, but this is all a generalization made for the sake of flow. The symptoms of this disorder can be expressed in many different ways, and not everyone has all of them (for example, there are some that I don't have, but it would be strange to change the voice of the text just because of that, it makes it harder to read). If you have ADHD and read a symptom and think "hey, I don't get that", that's perfectly normal. Your experience is valid and I don't want to pass it on. But it would be exhausting for me and for the reader to use tentative phrases all the time.

If this text resonates too much with you, I strongly recommend that you see a professional, if you're able, and not self-diagnose: ADHD has many symptoms in common with autism and other neuro divergences, don't risk misdiagnosis.

If you have a different opinion than mine on this subject and want to share it with me, I'll be happy to read it, if I don't answer it's because I forgot (forgive me?). But you can be sure that I will read it.

Anyway, let's get started.

What is ADHD?

According to the NIH (National Institute of Mental Health) website, this is the definition of ADHD:

Attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) is marked by an ongoing pattern of inattention and/or hyperactivity-impulsivity that interferes with functioning or development. People with ADHD experience an ongoing pattern of the following types of symptoms:

Inattention means a person may have difficulty staying on task, sustaining focus, and staying organized, and these problems are not due to defiance or lack of comprehension.

Hyperactivity means a person may seem to move about constantly, including in situations when it is not appropriate, or excessively fidgets, taps, or talks. In adults, hyperactivity may mean extreme restlessness or talking too much.

Impulsivity means a person may act without thinking or have difficulty with self-control. Impulsivity could also include a desire for immediate rewards or the inability to delay gratification. An impulsive person may interrupt others or make important decisions without considering long-term consequences.

Here is an impression that needs to be clarified: ADHD is more about an inability to regulate attention than a lack of it. A neurotypical person may choose to focus on a task to get it done, we may procrastinate to death because even if we want to, we can't focus on it, or stand there absorbed in it ad infinitum until the house falls down around us (and we may still have trouble noticing). This is understood, Understanding all this, here is the list of Annabel's behaviors that could be interpreted as symptoms.

Hyperactivity

One thing that not everyone knows is that hyperactivity is not about running around like an uncontrolled animal. It can manifest itself in many ways, and there are many types: physical, mental, and even emotional.

In Annabel's case, she seems to be the first two types.

Perhaps due to her difficulty in expressing emotions, it is quite obvious at this point in the comic that her moods are made explicit through gestures: playing with her rings when she is happy or nervous, touching the ribbon around her neck in moments of anxiety, or playing with her hair almost as a default state.

Annabel.

Doesn't.

Sit.

Still.

Never.

It is also clear that Annabel is always planning something. Always.

This can be read into the logic of mental hyperactivity: when you have it, your brain just doesn't stop. Ever. And that's something that resonates with this lady.

Emotional Dysregulation

The part of the brain that regulates our moods works…erratically. Not to say it doesn't work at all.

This leads to a painfully common problem in women with ADHD: lack of emotional regulation is seen as drama, and instead of being taught tools to deal with it, we are taught to repress and bottle up emotions.

Annabel has highly internalized this as a defense mechanism. But here's the thing: if repressing emotions instead of learning how to deal with them in a healthy way is harmful, being biologically unable to regulate them can be even worse.

It touches the right nerves, and if you catch us flying low, it can cause explosive outbursts.

Possibly violent reactions to feeling offended or uncomfortable.

Or completely over-the-top reactions that we can't control.

And it's not just anger that's affected, it's the whole emotional spectrum. Another emotion that is very noticeable is fear. If we don't develop tools to help us calm down, we don't get scared, we panic.

If this happens too often, we can become prone to developing severe anxiety or frequent attacks.

We may also have great difficulty dealing with frustration. Our brains love rewards, and feeling that we're not getting them because of our own inability to do something can be downright annoying. And if we don't have the tools to express our frustration appropriately, we can have quite childish reactions, ranging from temper tantrums to…pouting.

I find it funny how several of these pouts are caused by Lenore, a bit like "Oh, come on, honey, what are we talking about?"

Another important thing to note here is that one of the most fucked up and notorious symptoms of this lack of emotional regulation is RSD, short for Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria, defined as "a problem that interferes with your ability to regulate your emotional responses to feelings of failure and rejection. While rejection is almost always unpleasant, people with RSD experience overwhelming levels of emotional pain. This can lead to long-term mental health problems, fear of failure, and behavioral changes that negatively affect them throughout their lives."

Rejection and fear of failure are a problem for us. So much so that we may seek strategies to avoid it as much as possible, even when it causes us problems (such as not completing a task for fear of doing it wrong). This is an issue that can tear us apart emotionally.

Annabel is terrified of being rejected or despised. Her whole life has been built around appearances and getting the right people interested in her. If she can't do that, what good is she?

And that's something that comes up a lot in her relationship with Lenore. Repeatedly, in fact, but my favorite has to be this one:

Annabel thought it would be the smart thing to do to break that bond because she knows they're never going to see each other again. But the look on her face when Lenore calls her a "damn liar" is just painful to watch. I think ripping her heart out with a rusty spoon would have hurt less.

Finally, on the subject of things that aren't so funny: that thing Annabel does about biting her fingers when she's in a critical situation is something I used to do, too (only I'd bite my knuckles or palms).

My psychologist explained to me that when you feel like you're losing control, you immediately look for something to ground you, and unfortunately, physical pain is often a quick (if damaging) way to do that.

Codependency

Okay, here's a thing: it's not that we have a tendency as such to codependency, but this is a situation that can occur due to bad practices within a relationship. Especially a couple one.

As it stands out, people with ADHD can have a lot of problems with micromanaging ourselves, remembering things, dealing with our emotions, etc, etc, etc. And it is natural for close friends, family or our partner to help in those processes.

The problem arises when that help starts to become a parentification process where the partner who is providing support starts to do this on behalf of the other person, infantilizing them in the process.

This is a cocktail for resentment on both sides: the party calling the shots can easily feel that the other is putting a huge burden on their shoulders and not trying hard enough, while, on the other side, no one likes to feel like they are being treated like a child. Let alone that the person doing it is your partner.

But at the other end of resentment, there's codependency.

The constant feeling that you are a burden, insufficient or even disposable.

And that means you have a lot to make up for. On a regular basis. So much that you put yourself in a situation where you have to make horrible decisions so that someone else doesn't have to because somehow you owe it to them, who hasn't had that happen?

What I mean is that yes, Annabel feels like she owes this to Lenore because she only remembers the part where Lenore came kicking in doors to save her from a marriage she didn't want. And if she can't do this for her, she doesn't deserve a relationship.

Feeling inadequate, that your partner is doing you some kind of favor by tolerating you and ending up idealizing their in the process is obviously not unique to the neurodivergent experience.

But we try, we try really hard and, like anyone else, we like to feel that the effort we put in is seen and valued.

If we are not careful about that, we do indeed fall into the risk of becoming codependent. The desire to feel loved or valued becomes a constant hunger for validation from which it is difficult to escape because we are aware that our brain will never function in a different way. And if that is mixed with RSD, it can become an even bigger problem.

Novelty, games, challenges, and rewards

Producing dopamine on a normal basis is one thing our brains aren't very good at (one of the reasons we can be prone to depression, for example), but you know what they love? Challenges and rewards.

New things feed our endless curiosity, but for some reason unknown to me, our brains really love challenges and dares. They give us dopamine like we're on a high.

So much so that some people use it as a tactic to perform tasks they don't like: "How many dishes can I wash before my dinner is ready?", "If I can finish this in less than 30 minutes, I can go get chocolate."

One medium we may like very much for this reason is games. Board games, card games, or virtual games. It doesn't matter. Games provide a very good balance of challenge and reward.

If you see that Annabel seems overly interested in how this works, it's because there may be a part of her that thinks "aside from the deadly situation we're in…this is like the most hardcore escape room ever" and inevitably there's something here that stirs her bug.

It may be something she loves about Lenore. As a good hypocrite, Annabel despises the rules she knows so well, so when Lenore comes along with this gimmick and completely changes the paradigm of what she knows, there is inevitably something that appeals to her. Others who are good at the game look down on Lenore's disdain for the rules, to Annabel it is fucking appealing because it offers a range of unexplored possibilities that she fucking loves.

Erratic Communication

When our brains are running at full speed, communication can become a challenge, and we tend to exhibit erratic patterns.

One of these is info-dumping. Touch a topic we know about or are interested in and it's like stepping on a landmine: we explode talking about it. Non-stop. You'll have to hit us to shut us up.

Another thing is that we can have a bad habit of interrupting. A lot. It's not malicious, it's just that we're really into the conversation and want to participate as much as possible.

That said, even if we're extroverts, it can be a nightmare to withhold information or participate in a conversation if it doesn't grab our attention. It's not that we want to be disrespectful or anything, it's just that, again, we have no control over our ability to pay attention and we're swimming against the tide to hold on to whatever it is you're telling us.

This scene is something I've seen in friends with ADHD and have been told I do: stare at people while doing your best to do the hamster run to remember what they're telling you because you know it's important, even though your brain is putting it together with junk information because it's not engaging your attention in the right way.

Ignore the murderous stare part, it's not that common - at least I hope not.

Drinks that are like a pill

Our brains are not designed to produce certain hormones naturally or, in some cases, they produce them under other circumstances. For things like that, we can take pills, develop strategies to help our brains produce hormones.

And drink coffee. Lots of coffee.

Caffeine can be extremely relaxing for us because it can actually help our brains keep functioning, you know that stereotype of the highly coded ADHD character who drinks coffee like it's his life? Well, that's because.

You know what other beverage has a similar effect? Tea. Theine is also a natural activator, perhaps less aggressive than coffee, but it can have a similar effect.

If you're interested in describing this topic in fanfic or touching on it in fanart, tea should have a relaxing effect on Annabel and even help her concentrate.

Boredom

We get bored. A lot. And we get painfully bored. Here's what happens: boredom is caused by a lack of stimulation, and our brains aren't stimulated just because we can't regulate our attention to seek out that stimulation.

Add to that the fact that when we are bored, without dopamine hitting our receptors, our executive functions diminish and we function like shit.

Boredom

Fucking

Murder

Because our brain starts desperately asking for dopamine and we can fall into really unhealthy behaviors like fighting, being chronically online, or eating because we can't find anything better to do. This also contributes -again- to our depression or anxiety.

Conclusions (and if I don't make the joke, I'll die)

In the book ADHD After Dark (a study of ADHD, relationships, and physical intimacy), Ari Tuckman draws some interesting conclusions, one of which is that on a statistical level, people with ADHD seem to be more likely to have what he calls "sexual eagerness": kinks, fetishes, a tendency to be adventurous in bed, and the like. Again, our brains love play, and both intimacy and flirtation can involve a lot of it.

So…

Um…

…well, I think Lenore will be happy. Good for her.

Anyway, this has been a seriously long explanation. Thanks for reading this far.

#nevermore webtoon #annabel lee nevermore #lenore nevermore #white raven #annabel lee whitlock #lenore vandernacht #annabel lee x lenore #lennabel #nevermore webcomic

204 notes · View notes

maximumsass · 3 months

Text

Green Eyes of Envy Pt. 2

Story Synopsis: So part 2 is the aftermath of Melissa’s confession. I added some more characters into the mix of this story to round it out. Hopefully you like that. And then of course the angsty hot interactions between the reader and Mel. The real question is will they do the “right” thing or will they take the risk and choose each other?

Author’s note: Hey my lovely fanfic village! So I’m not going to lie this one was hard for me to write because I had several different scenarios that could be played out with this but in the end when I sat down to finish this, this is what came out of my author’s soul! So hopefully you enjoy it and it doesn’t disappoint! I do have a pretty wild part 3, let me know if you want it!! I’d love to hear your thoughts and of course any requests you have please ask me! Thank you again for all the likes and the kind words! Sending love to you beautiful humans!!

Word Count-4.3K

Warning: There is a puking part but I promise it’s not graphic or anything.

Part 1-For those of you who missed part 1 here you go!

————————

You hear the door open and close and then you unexpectedly start silently crying. Pull yourself together (Y/L/N), you think to yourself. You think back to the redhead asking why life is like this, that really is the question, why couldn’t you both just be single and start to date like normal people do. You wipe the tears away, there’s honestly nothing you can do at the moment, all you can do is exactly what you told Melissa to do and that’s to think on it and make a decision, wait for her decision and then act accordingly.

You work on the bulletin board until the final bell rings. You rush to grab your stuff and hall ass out to catch the bus to your place. You walk out into the empty hallway before the other teachers start leaving so that you can avoid any small talk, the whole situation with Mel has drained your social energy completely. Of course you have to pass the redhead’s classroom to leave the school, you can’t help but stop and look to see if she’s in there, you think about the kiss you two shared and feeling her gorgeous lips as well a her gorgeous body pressed up against yours. She’s sitting at her desk looking at her computer with those extremely cute cat eye glasses on, she’s biting her lip in concentration as she stares at the screen. And it takes everything in you to not go in there, close the door and give her a kiss she’ll never forget. Something makes her look up and she locks eyes with you, and there is a deep craving in those green eyes, and you know that she feels how badly you want her in that moment. You both just stare at each other for what feels like forever and then your snapped back into reality as the other teachers make their way into the hallway to depart for the day. You rip your eyes away from her emerald eyes, and physically wince as you walk away because you know that was just as painful for her as it was for you.

As you walk away, you feel an arm hook onto your arm, you look beside you to see Jacob looking at you with a huge grin.

“Heyyy!” he exclaims.

“How do you have energy after all of those sessions today?” You tease and playfully nudge him.

“Just call me the energizer bunny!” He says as he mimics pounding the drum like the bunny does in the commercial.

You, Jacob, Zach, and your girlfriend Carly all celebrated pride together this summer. And it had only brought you and Jacob closer as both work and social friends. He was your go-to when you needed a laugh, or just to surround yourself with some uplifting energy.

“On a serious note, I need to ask you a favor.” You say to him as you walk him to his car.

“You know I’d do anything for my home girl!” he exclaims. “Please step into my office.” He opens the passenger door for you and then runs to get in on his side.

You chuckle and roll your eyes. “Have you noticed that Melissa has treated me differently than the rest of y’all since I started?” You ask him as you look at the floor of the car scared of what his answer will be.

“Oh yeah, Janine and I have had many conversations about it. We came to the conclusion that it’s because you’re quiet and give off a chill vibe but at the same time work really hard and the passion you have to help students succeed shines through that.” He answers in a genuine tone.

“Aww Jacob, that’s nice of you to say.” You say with a smile. “So I ask that because obviously I’ve noticed it too. And to be honest before I noticed her behavior towards me, I noticed her from day one because she’s drop dead gorgeous and I developed a little harmless crush. And she was with Gary and I shortly after met Carly so I know that I’d never act on it. But then her and I became close work friends and there was this undeniable fizzle of chemistry I felt towards her whenever I was near her, long story, short your girl caught feelings.” You say as you feel yourself intensely blushing.

Jacob slaps your arm. “Oh my god, I can’t believe I didn’t see it before! But now that you say that you guys are extremely flirty with each other! So what are you going to do?!” He asks loudly.

You then proceed to tell him about everything that went down between you and Jessica Rabbit today as well as Barbara telling you about the proposal.

“Now everything that I just told you stays in this car! Not word to anyone, especially Janine!” You give him the stare downs of all stare downs.

He mimics zipping his lip and throwing away the key. “Girl you’ve gotten yourself into one hot mess! I love you to death (Y/N) but Carly’s my friend too, and you know that you don’t deserve to be with her, when you’re doing the things you’re doing. You at least need to be honest with her about what’s been going on regardless of what Melissa’s decision is. Okay that is the tough love portion of my ted talk. Imagining you kissing Melissa is so hawt!!! How did it feel?!” He asks excitedly.

“You’re right about Carly, I know I need to tell her. And I promise I will. As for the kiss, it was better than I ever imagined it could be! I know what were doing is wrong but the kiss just felt so right. Honestly all of it is a huge mind fuck and that’s the last thing I need right now. Anyways back to the favor, I need you to play interference so that when Melissa and I are in the same room there is no opportunity for her to talk to me. I could just stay away from the breakroom until she decides what to do but the other staff would notice my absence and that would draw more attention to me and that’s the last thing I need right now.” You say with a big sigh.

“Mission (Y/N) No Communicado with Red is a go!” He exclaims. You chuckle.

“You want a ride home?” He asks.

“Yes that would be very appreciated. Thank you!” You reply squeezing his arm showing your appreciation.

Tuesday goes smoothly without a hitch. Jacob does exactly as you asked of him and is by your side and talking your ear off whenever Melissa’s in the room and there becomes a possible opportunity to start a conversation with you.

Wednesday morning you can tell that the redhead is itching to talk to you, you can feel her eyes boring into you throughout the sessions. It’s literally taking all your will power to not be available for any conversion or physical close proximity and feed her neediness of your essence close to her.

“Is there a hole in my body that you can see? Cause she hasn’t taken her eyes of me this whole time.” You joke to Jacob with a quiet chuckle.

“(Y/N), I don’t know how you’re staying away from her. Her longing for you is so palpable you could cut it with a knife. Do you think that she’s made a decision and that’s why she’s being so intense?” Jacob asks you.

“Well it is Melissa we’re talking about here Jacob. If she wasn’t being intense I’d be worried. If she made a decision, she would just interrupt you to tell me about it. No offense.” You say with a smll smile.

“Oh none taken. She would definitely do that!” He says returning the smile.

You get through lunch and the rest of the sessions and then you have free time again to get ready for next week. You are the special education teacher at Abbott, you were born with a rare syndrome that in a nutshell paralyzed most of your muscles in your face and left you with multiple physical disabilities that are lifelong. You wanted to make sure that students with disabilities felt included in their classes and that just because they might need to learn differently, doesn’t mean they’re any less smart than the other kids and that they can be successful with anything they want to do, they just might do it a little differently and that’s okay. Thursday and Friday are your accessible tours of the school and the classrooms so it isn’t so scary for the kiddos on their first day. Already setting them up for success for the year ahead. You list your kids by grade and teacher, and then write down when they are scheduled to come for their tour.

You: Hey hun. We need to have a talk tonight. It’s pretty serious so if you just want to come to my place and skip dinner like we planned.

Carly: You’re scaring me. What did I do? Leave a towel on the floor again. Haha. XD

You: Not that this is comforting. But it’s not you, it’s me kinda thing.

Carly: Yeah super not comforting. I guess I’ll see you tonight.

You: I’m sorry. Okay I’ll see you tonight.

You shoot off that last text and then immediately have to run to the staff restroom in time to make it to the toliet. The cool hard tile on your knees is the thing that is keeping you grounded in the moment and not dissociating from the shit show that your life has become. You grab some toilet paper to wipe your mouth and cough a little. Great, now this situation is making you physically sick, at least you’ll come clean to Carly tonight.

“(Y/N)?” you hear the redhead’s voice call out to you.

Shit, Melissa would be the one to find you in this state.

“I’m good Mel. Don’t worry about me.” You respond.

“You are the most stubborn woman! You throwing up during the work day is not fine. I’m going to stay here until you come out. And then you’re gonna let me take care of you. And I’m not taking no for an answer.” She says to you in her I’m not fucking around tone.

You stay in the stall for a few minutes until you think you’re good. You hear her running the sink water. When you come out of the stall you see that she has ran and gotten the toothbrush and toothpaste you keep at school, as well as a plastic cup.

“G’ahead and brush your teeth.” She instructs softly. You take the tooth brush and toothpaste and brush your teeth. When you’re finished she hands you a paper towel to wipe your mouth.

“Come here hun.” She says to you. You go to her and she produces a warm wash cloth an starts to blot it on your forehead, all the time she’s looking at you with this extremely worried look on her face but her eyes show that she’s determined to fix whatever is going on with you.

“You’re not pregnant are you?” She teases you. You both chuckle at that. “But seriously what happened?” She asks in a serious tone.

“I just texted Carly that we need to talk tonight. I’m going to tell her everything that’s been going on with us. And apparently all of this has me fucked up enough that I can’t keep my bodily fluids down.” You say quietly.

A horrified look creeps onto the redhead’s face. “I shouldn’t have told you about my feelings towards you. You’re getting physically sick because of my actions. This whole thing has been so selfish on my part. (Y/N) I’m so sorry, I didn’t think…” She says with a deep look of shame and tears tarting to glisten her eyes.

You put one hand on her waist while the other cups her cheek. “Mel stop, if you wouldn’t have said something the other day, I truly believe that it would’ve still come out somewhere down the line. And then who knows where we would be then, you might be married to Gary by then and then it would be a should’ve, would’ve, could’ve conversation or a lot more complicated to be together. It wasn’t a selfish move because I truly believe deep down we both knew that our feelings were reciprocated. So no matter what happens moving forward, never apologize for telling me about your feelings towards me, because just knowing that Melissa Schemmenti was falling in love with me is an honor all on it’s own.” You say softly.

You look down at her lips and then back to her eyes silently asking for her permission. She slowly nods with a pleading look in her eye. You gently push her against the bathroom wall and kiss her with the craving that has been plaguing you both since your last kiss. A moan reverberates from her mouth into yours and you moan a response back into hers. Her hands tangle in your hair and pull you closer until there is no space and your bodies collide like two puzzle pieces that fit together perfectly.

Sadly air is required to live so you break away, her hands still in your hair holding you to her.

“Fuck.” You say between pants trying to get a proper level of oxygen back. “This is exactly why I asked Jacob to play interference between us.” You say more to yourself than her.

“So I wasn’t just imagining him being your little body guard for the past few days.” She chuckles.

“No you weren’t but obviously it was needed. I mean this situation went from caring friend to eroctic fiction in 0 to 60 in 6 seconds.” You chuckle.

“You’re doing the right thing by talking to Carly tonight. What just happened is evidence that I know what my decison is. I’d just be lying to myself and denying myself of what I really want if I didn’t choose you. And I’ve denied myself of what I really wanted too much in my life in order to make others happy or to keep up appearances. I’ll talk to Gary tonight.” She says quietly looking at you with a determined look in her eyes.

You both fix each others clothes and get the smudged lipstick off of your faces and reapply so it looks like nothing happened. She pulls you into a hug, you hold her feeling her warmth engulf you, there’s a sense of peace that washes over you. You end the hug and walk into the hallway together.

“See you on the flip side Schemmenti.” You say to the redhead, giving her a big smile and grabbing her hand and giving it a tight squeeze before letting go and walking back to your classroom.

That night you tell Carly everything. She’s understandably upset and hurt by everything. But at the end of the night, she thanks you for being honest with her and not leaving her in the dark and making her the backup plan if Melissa didn’t pick you. She gathers her things she’s left at your place. You end the night with a hug, wishing each other the best.

Melissa knows that she needs to end things with Gary in public, not because she thinks he’ll do something but if she’s wrong she’d rather not be forced to use her trusty bat even though it is very tempting. She asks him to get drinks at a bar they regular often since they started dating. She tells him everything that she’s felt and that has occurred. Once she’s finished, she can see the red hot anger seething from him.

“How dare you cheat on me!” He hisses at her. “You really think that you’ll find anyone better than me? You are walking away from the best thing you’ll ever have.” He growls at her.

“I’m sorry Gare. But it isn’t fair to either of us for me to stay because I think it’s the “right” thing to do. You deserve a woman who actively and excitedly chooses you every day. And I’m just not that girl.” Melissa says in a somber tone, tears pricking her eyes.

She finishes off her Yuengling. Stands up from the table and walks to his side, and puts her hand on his arm. “I really do wish you all the best Gary.” She gives his arm a squeeze and then exits the bar and doesn’t look back.

You tossed and turned all night long, you know it was the right thing to end things with Carly but to say it didn’t hurt you would be a lie. You get up before your alarm because it was obvious you weren’t getting any more sleep. You have your breakfast and get distracted by watching tv. Then you look at the time and rush to the shower. You are drying your hair when you hear a loud knock at your door, you llok at you phone, it’s 6 in the morning, who the hell is at your door at 6 in the morning! You grab your aqua silk floral robe and throw it on and then go to the door. You look through the peep hole and low and behold stands Jessica Rabbit herself.

“Get your cute ass in here.” You say as you open the door and step aside for her to come in.

She steps inside and you realize she’s holding coffee in one hand and an iced coffee in the other. “So what do I owe the pleasure of being graced with your presence at 6 in the morning?” You tease her with a chuckle.

“I talked to Gary last night and ended things. And I couldn’t sleep last night because all I wanted to do was tell you and be with you without feeling the guilt that has been surrounding us since my confession. I choose you (Y/N) and I’ll keep choosing you as long as you let me. I also needed to bring you an iced caramel latte because that’s your favorite and since this is the first day of me giving you the world and making you feel like the most wanted and cherished woman in the world bcause that’s exactly what you are to me.” She says in a soft voice, vulnerability as well as adoration filling her eyes.

“Mel I feel the exact same way about you. Thank you gorgeous.” You kiss her forehead and then you take your drinks and set them on the counter. And then you are pushing her up against the door and showing your appreciation from the moment your lips are pressed against hers. This kiss feels different, the neediness isn’t there it’s been replaced with a sense of freedom, with the knowledge that you have all the time in the world to savor these kisses because you chose each other and have gifted yourself the time to take this slow and sensual and explore and worship every crevice of each other.

She somehow turns you around so she’s pressing you against the door. Her hand goes to the tie of your robe and looks at you for permission. You nod and she unties it and pushes it until it falls to the floor. You stand there in all your naked glory for her to admire. She steps back and her jaw hits the floor.

“Fuck (Y/N), you’re perfect.” She says in her deep husky voice dripping with seduction.

She steps as close to you as she can, your noses are touching. She starts slowly and softly kissing your neck, making you moan quietly. She takes her hands and cups both of your breasts and then taking her thumbs and slowly rubbing circles on your hardening nipples. She turns her attention back to your lips as she kisses you hard with passion, tongues colliding, sharing moans through hot breath.

She pulls away with an evil smirk on her face. “As much as I want to make you cum for me and witness you in the bliss of an orgasm I give you. We are going to do this properly. And just so I am clear I will make you cum and give you an orgasm you’ll never forget. Will you (Y/N) (Y/L/N) join me for dinner at my house at 7 tonight to enjoy a delicious meal I cook for us as our official first date?” She asks you as she looks at you a little nervously as she caresses your cheek.

“You are a cruel woman!” You say in sexual frustration. “But yes I would love to join for you for dinner as our official first date. You say giving her a big smile and then leaning in and giving her a soft kiss.

When you break the kiss, you playfully and gently push her off of you as you grab your robe and put it back on. She of course gives you her sad puppy dog eyes and pouts.

“You do not get to pout Schemmenti! You are the one who teased me to the point where I have to go take care of myself after you leave.” You tease her.

“You loved it, besides it only makes tonight hotter!” She says with a smirk.

You go to your iced caramel latte and take a sip. “Thanks again for the coffee hun.” You say. “Now unlike you I still have to get ready. I’ll see you at school, okay?” You say with a smile as you kiss her forehead.

“Okay I guess I’ll let you get ready.” She teases. “Stop by my room to say hi if you have time.” She says as she gives you a slow soft kiss and when you break away you both say bye and give a cute wave to each other before she walks out the door and closes the door behind her.

You are meeting with one of your students and his parents for his accessibility tour of the school. His name is Jamal Williams, and Jamal has autism and ADHD, you’ve worked with him for two years now and have seen immense growth. You talk with his parents about how you and Jamal will discuss what his goals are for the year next week. And then it’s time to go see his new classroom, Jamal is starting the 2nd grade and is fortunate enough to have the infamous Ms. Schemmenti.

You walk hand in hand with Jamal down the hall with his parents close behind to the redhead’s classroom. You knock on Melissa’s open door, she’s at her desk when she looks up at you she gives you a big smile.

“Ms. Schemmenti, I would like you to meet Jamal Williams, he’s going to be in your class this year. And he’s just here to get a feel for the classroom and to meet you before the first day so that he isn’t so nervous on his first day. Isn’t that right buddy?” You look at Jamal with an encouraging smile. He silently nods with a small smile.

Melissa bends down to his eye level. “It’s very nice to meet you Jamal. I am so excited to have you in my class. Are you excited to be a little eagle?” She asks him in a warmingly calm voice.

Jamal looks directly at her and holds out his little hand for her to shake. “It’s nice to meet you Ms. Schemmenti. I’m excited for the second grade!” He says with excitement. You look at the interaction shocked. You’ve been working with him on his being introduced to new people skills but this was not how you were expecting that to go.

“Oh my gosh, look who has been working on his introduction skills this summer!” You exclaim. “That deserves a high five and I think I have a gold star sticker for you when we go back to my classroom. That was awesome Jamal.” You say giving him a high five.

You step away from the door to let Mr. and Mrs. Williams in. “This is Mr. and Mrs. Williams and this is Melissa Schemmenti, Jamal’s teacher this year.” You say as you make introductions.

“Jamal let’s go find your desk and let them talk for a bit.” You say to the little boy and then he’s off searching for his name tag. He finds it and looks at you with a big smile.

“Oh my gosh look at you being a big 2nd grader and finding your name tag so fast!” You exclaim. “What did you think about Ms. Schemmenti?” You ask him.

“She’s nice. I like her.” He answers.

“I like her too. Ms. Schemmenti and I are friends so if you ever need to come to my classroom or need me to come here, you just let her know and she will help you, okay?”

“Okay.” he says.

You got him new fidget spinners for the new school year. You pull them out of the pocket of your blazer. “I got you new fidget spinners for the new school year so when you feel yourself start stemming you just pull these out and play with them just like you did last year. Okay bud?” You say to him.

He gasps loudly, making the redhead and his parents turn to us.

“It’s all good y’all, I just surprised him with new fidget spinners for the year.” You quickly explain.

You turn back to Jamal. “Thank you Ms. (Y/L/N)!” He exclaims.

You chuckle. “You’re very welcome. Now where’s a good place to put the new fidget spinners?’ You ask him.

“Ummmmm….” He pauses to think. “In my desk?” He asks.

“That’s right bud! Fidget spinners always go back in your desk when you’re done using them.” You say to him, holding up your hand for a high five.

You sit with Jamal as his parents finish up talking with Melissa. You stare at the gorgeous woman with a big stupid grin on your face, still in disbelief that she chose you and that you were having your first date with her tonight.

#abbott elementary #fanfic #melissa schemmenti x you #melissa schemmenti #melissa schemmenti x reader #lesbian #queer #wlw #pansexual #biseuxal #Spotify

173 notes · View notes