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woman-for-women · 1 year

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So usually I wouldn’t ask for advice of this genre, but I’m genuinely worried. I think my already abusive parents are catching on that I’m a trans guy. I seriously want to detransition but it almost feels physically painful. What do I do? For context, I’m pre-op, pre basically everything. I still look like a girl and stuff.

Hi! I'm sorry you're going through this. I would consider myself dysphoric/desisted, but not truly detrans because I didn't truly socially (de)transition or medically (de)transition. I have some suggestions (adapted from one of my earlier asks on this topic), but it might be useful to talk to detransitioned women to get another perspective.

Talk to a trusted adult in your life. It could be a parent, an aunt/uncle, a teacher, or an older sibling. The adults in your life generally want the best for your health and happiness. If your parents are abusive or you are afraid to tell an adult you are trans, you can just tell them you are distressed with you body/gender roles and want help.

Contact your doctor or a local gender clinic and ask if they can point you towards detransitioning resources (if you have medically transitioned)

Search online and see if there are any detransition support groups near you (unlikely this will pan out, but it's worth a try). If you happen to know anyone who has detransitioned, you can also reach out to them.

If you are able to, please look into counseling. If you are dysphoric, you can ask for a counselor that will help you explore your discomfort with your body/gender roles and reconcile your relationship with your body. I’d avoid any therapists who advertise themselves as LGBTQIA2S+ friendly: they may be well meaning, but their primary method of treatment for dysphoria will likely be transition. Therapists and other mental health professionals tend to have bios where they list their background and what they specialize in: I'd suggest looking for a therapist who is female, and possibly someone who is comfortable gender non-conforming (someone who doesn't see being unhappy with gender roles or gender non-conforming as being the same as being trans). I went to a counselor who was an older lesbian. You can also send an email to Gender Exploratory Therapy Association (GETA) to see if they can match you with a therapist.

If you can't go to counseling, I strongly recommend this DBT Workbook (the link is to a free PDF version). Dialectical Behavioral Therapy is a way to cope with distress and improve your distress tolerance through different techniques.

You can journal how you feel. It doesn't need to be fancy (it can be a notes page on your phone or some binder paper, but if journaling with markers and stickers and washi tape helps, you can do that too). Ask yourself what made you feel like you weren't or couldn't be a woman/girl? What does the thought of detransitioning make you feel? It can just be how you feel in general. If you're comfortable, you can also share your journal with a trusted adult or counselor. Or, it can just be for your eyes only.

Work on improving your integrity and comfort with your body. It helps you feel wonderful feelings, taste your favorite foods, see beautiful things... your body is not trying to hurt you or work against you. For example, your body is not menstruating because it is "punishing" you for not being pregnant (this is something I heard a lot growing up). Menstruation is just something female bodies do. It's vital to regulating your hormonal health, bone density, and weight. While yes, you can get pregnant and be a parent if you choose to as an adult, your body is not telling you to do anything. Your bodily functions are not a mandate. You exist for you!

Try to avoid seeing your body as a problem, or as fractured parts you want to fix: your body is just your body. Don't think of your body as a decorative object you need to change to please anyone. Your body exists for you and (most importantly) your body is you. Treating your body well is part of treating yourself well.

To improve your relationship with your body, I would recommend picking a sport or physical activity. Do something you like that makes you comfortable! If wearing a swimsuit fills you with dread, wear a more modest one or don't pick swimming. It can be as simple as walking, stretching, or yoga in your room. The point of a physical activity is not just to keep in shape, but to feel how your body is capable of doing whatever you want it to. Your body doesn't have to look a certain way for that.

Your image of your body and your comfort with being female might also improve if you take a social media break. I know it can be hard, but try to commit to a short break (a week, a month). Use this time to read, listen to music, draw, relax, exercise... whatever will keep you happy and healthy. Social media is saturated with images of sexualized, objectified, and impossibly thin women. It can be stressful to feel like you don't "measure up" to what the Internet tells you a woman is supposed to be. Take this time to remind yourself that you don't need to imitate these people to be happy.

I would also recommend you unfollow any social media accounts that make you feel bad about your body or talk about transitioning and gender all the time (you can always refollow later). Focus on how you feel about your body and yourself, not what other people promote.

What or how you decide to change socially, who you tell, or how you say it is up to you. You don't need to disclose why you're detransitioning either. You can just tell people you've decided it wasn't for you or that you'd like to go by your old name/pronouns. Don't let anyone, especially other transitioned peers, pressure you into doing or revealing anything you don't want to. If you have a friend group of trans peers your age, don't let them make you feel bad! You have the right to do what's best for you. If you have friends that aren't supportive of you doing what's best for you, it might be best to look for a new friend group.

If you've been happiest dressing in "boy" clothes or doing certain "boy" activities, none of that has to change when you detransition! Detransitioning should be about accepting that your natal biological sex is female. Being female is a neutral fact, like being brunette or being 167 cm. Being female has no bearing on what you can do, who you can love, what professions, hobbies, or interests you have... that's all gender. You don't have to change how you dress, think, feel, act, talk, etc. None of these things can disqualify you from being a woman or girl. Just be yourself and know there's no wrong way to be female.

Being a woman or girl can be scary. Menstruation sucks, sexual harassment sucks, sexism sucks. But there's light at the end of the tunnel, and that's other women and girls! Reach out to them. They are your lifeline. Build friendships. There are other women and girls just like you. You are never alone.

On that note, having positive female role models and consuming books/TV shows/movies/music by and about women can help you feel better about detransitioning and reconciling with being female.

Don't discount the wisdom of older women! They're not nags, shrews, or "Karens". They're female, too. Many of them have likely felt what you feel.

Detransitioning doesn't mean you need to feel a certain type of way on gender or trans issues. Don't let radical feminists, conservatives, or trans-rights activists bully you into saying or doing what suits their narrative. It's your life, so do what's right for you!

Lastly, here are some resources I would recommend, both about transition and detransition:

A Booklet on Gender Detransition

The risks of binding

Testosterone use and pelvic health

The LGB Alliance USA also runs a virtual group for adult dysphoric women every other Wednesday

Detransition may feel painful now, but I truly think accepting my body and working hard to deal with distressing thoughts like dysphoria has improved my quality of life a lot. It will take work, but freeing yourself from the expectations of gender and treating dysphoria like any other body dysmorphia (as that can be improved over time) is a lot better in the long run than trying to obsessively tailor every aspect of your life to be gender affirming to lessen your feelings of dysphoria.

The prevailing narrative told to dysphoric and trans-identifying teens is that you need to transition, you need to go on hormones, you need to do xyz or you will die. This is not true. Most dysphoric youth who do not medically transition end up as happy, alive adults. (If you are having suicidal thoughts, please tell a trusted adult or call a hotline). So I’m going to tell you instead what I was told, and what other lesbian, gay, and bisexual kids were told growing up: it gets better, and you are going to be okay <3

#transition #detrans #detransition #trans #w4w speaks #w4w asks #transgender #ftm

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findroleplay · 2 months

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Hello! I'm Q, a fun and admittedly very addicted to Genshin Impact/Genshin, person (She/Her) If you're wanting to learn more about me here's what I offer in a roleplay! I am 21 btw

What I offer

-Novella post writing at least 300 PER character, meaning if I'm playing at least 3 characters expect for me to write 900 in a post if not more. (Please note I usually average around 400-600 per character, but I always list my lowest)

-Willing to provide writing examples for those interested to see if we'll mesh or not

-DOUBLES UP, this means that I am willing to scratch your back if you scratch mine. You want someone to play Alhaitham or Childe for you I can play them if you play X or Z for me!

-Capable of depicting a vast array of characters, from the crazed to the innocent.

-Preference for Discord for RP, I don't use Tumblr enough to know how to maneuver its mechanics.

-Writes 3rd person, responds relatively quickly to RP posts with waits being no longer than a week in a half unless otherwise stated.

What I'm looking for in a partner

-IS 18+ NO EXCEPTIONS, MINORS DNI

-Matches my writing capabilities + mirrors my length if possible (Understand short replies every now and then, but I absolutely will not stand for weightless paragraphs or one-liners. Just not my thing, please understand!)

-Is willing to provide a writing example to ensure that we're a good fit.

-Is willing to brainstorm! This is a BIG thing, plus would be even cooler if they are capable of accepting "but what if this?" add ons too!

-Understanding that if a reply isn't up to standard or does NOT have a desirable outcome for either my side or yours, that we can BOTH be able to say "Hey I know you had a vision with this, but I can't really add my own vision to this, can we maybe brainstorm to figure out how to better work your reply without stealing your agency or removing a characters personality" (I get into the brain of my character while writing, trust me I have fifty fucking ways for a character to respond or react to a situation, I have no problem reworking something if it's needed LMAO, hell I'm usually the first that will ask "Hey is this really the desired outcome you want or do we want to make rethink things and brainstorm together?")

-IS OKAY WITH POLY SHIPS AS ALL MY SHIPS ARE POLY SHIPS!!! AS WELL AS M/M COTNENT AS THAT WILL BE A THING IN THE POLY SHIPS

-Is alright with smut/erotic rps (Does not have to be the main plot, just something that happens every now and then)

Who I can play

Experience writing them in long-term rps: Childe (<My most experienced muse of mine), Xiao, Albedo, Itto, Shenhe, Diluc, Thoma, Kaeya

Those who I feel comfortable writing, but might not have much experience with: Alhaitham, Kaveh, Ayato, Wrio, Scaramouche, Lisa, Yae, Jean, Ningguang, Cyno,

If you don't see who you'd want me to rp as there, just feel free to ask! I uh, admittedly didn't feel like writing everyone. LMAO The only ones who I won't do romantic relationships with are the child-like characters this means any character on a child model like Dori or Diona (actually how fucking old are those two???) One could argue that Bennett and Razor are children as well, but I'm a little more lenient and will be fine with aging them up or making them look more grown.

Please note that I like to put research into a character (meaning I can almost assure you that anyone on or off this list will have their bios read, any unfinished quests finished, and so on), and while I don't necessarily expect my partner to do the same, I do expect them to at least put effort into portraying a character as accurately as they can.

Who I'm seeking a partner to play

Bold is who I am seeking my partner to play, the oc and unbolded character will be the ones I am playing. Unless otherwise stated these are closed Triad relationships.

Zhongli x OC x Azhdaha

Scaramouche x OC x Childe

Kaveh x OC x Alhaitham (NO PREFERENCE FOR CANON CHARACTER PLAYED)

Neuvillette x OC x Wriothesley

Tighnari x OC x Cyno

Itto x oc x Gorou

Kaveh x oc x oc

I might have other ships so if for some reason you can't find anyone you can play, let me know and maybe we can work something out!

#roleplay #rp #genshin impact rp

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junekissed · 2 years

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this might seem like a weird question but i'm starting up a svt reactions/drabbles blog and i was wondering where you find all your cute little banner gif/image things? like the long ones that go under your main pics? what do you look up to find them? i just think they make the posts look so cute!!

hi! great question, not weird at all! i get them from a few different places:

@animatedglittergraphics-n-more has most of the ones i use! pretty much any gif i've used is from them.

the ones with a little symbol in the middle and two solid lines on each side (like the one above) are from @firefly-graphics ! they have a ton of very simple, minimalistic line dividers.

the solid color line dividers (like the one below) are a little harder to find, you can usually find them by searching "[color] divider" on tumblr but it doesn't work every time. other than that i get them from any of the deco discord servers i'm in (open discord and find the 'explore' section, then type 'deco' and join any of the servers! there's tons of ones with good resources)

anything else i find just by searching tumblr! i try and make mine match the content of my fic so most of the time i'm searching things like "pumpkin divider" or "books divider". sometimes you have to wade thru a bunch of unrelated posts to find what you're looking for, but there's almost always some good ones to find!

i haven't tried this myself, but i'm sure tw!tter also has great resources, i know they're pretty big into aesthetics over there lol

the main keyword you're looking for is probably "divider", but searching any words like "bio", "resources", "symbols", "themes", "moodboard", etc also give good results! here's some examples:

hope this helps! once you start your blog feel free to send your fics over to my recs blog @junhui-recs i'd love to check them out! :)

#honestly just search around tumblr theres a lot to find if u look hard enough #after looking thru tags u start to notice which keywords are tagged most often and it helps narrow ur search to terms that ppl use a lot #good luck with ur blog eee thats exciting!! :D #also sorry for censoring twt i don't want it showing up on my blog in the middle of whatever's going on over there lol #🌃 : june.txt #🌠 : asks #🌠 : anon

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florasearle · 2 years

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Penguin Apps and Popular Audio Apps

Penguin offer apps that focus on cookery, science, children's audio books and education.

I tried to download but most of these apps said they weren't available in my location. The Roald Dahl audiobooks however, did work. I wanted to explore one of their apps to inform my app design. My app will focus on the use of music soundtracks to enhance the reading experience and an audiobook is closest to that.

The app uses simple navigation to allow ease for its young audience. There is a loading page with the Puffin logo that leads directly onto the homepage, where all audiobooks are displayed. There is a small navigation bar that gives some context to Roald Dahl. Upon clicking an audio book on the homepage, it takes you to the free chapter sample. This is a great method of 'try before you buy', but within my app I want all my playlists to be free of use, based on the fact that Gen Z avoid spending money where possible.

Spotify

This is the first port of call for almost every Gen Z'er when it comes to audio consumption. Spotify offers a wide range of medias but notably audiobooks do not come as a part of their paid service-books are paid for individually. Focusing on my concept of a soundtrack, all music is free to consume (without ads) so long as you pay the monthly subscription.

Spotify is easy to navigate with its three thumbnail icons at the bottom of the screen. The homepage welcomes you with previously streamed music and the search bar automatically suggests the 'browse all' option (note audiobooks at the top). The library feature allows the user to build up a variety of playlists, such as the 'dark academia' one pictured above. In clicking the music bar at the bottom, the larger image of the album cover is revealed with (sometimes), an artist bio and options to replay and shuffle the music. This bio element can be incorporated into my app, with information on authors and why musical pieces have been selected to represent their novel.

Audible

Audible follows a similar design to Spotify. Their design is very sterile and I feel that to appeal to an older generation.

BBC Sounds

Their app successfully achieves the personalization feature present within Spotify, with 'Match Your Mood' being a good example of how emotional states are influenced by music. Coincide this with reading, a user will experience escapism like no other.

This app also uses the bright aesthetics commonly seen in Gen z content, but as stated before, this is something I want to come away from. Due to this, I have questioned the prevalence of an app within my merch, because I do not feel to align with the visual approach I am taking. If it remained as my original idea of a vinyl, my gothic ornamental features would be used, but on an app, this would look tacky. I may rule out the app idea altogether, but there is research here to back the concept if I go forward with it.

#unit2 #investigatingcontemporarypractice #d&ad #contextualresearch

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tittyblade · 3 years

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tumblr etiquette 101

a list that is nowhere near exhaustive, from yours truly.

First off, welcome! Whether you’re a twitter veteran looking for anything but whatever twitter is, or a new user just done signing up, glad to see you in our ranks beloveds! Welcome home. Refer to this quick tour to make sure your fandom experience (or tumblr experience in general) is a positive one!

Disclaimer: I know it’s long, but please try to read or skim through til the end if you’re new here! This is by no means meant to be a rule book (for the most part lol), only a guide to help you get settled easier!

1) Your blog

This is where people will see and interact with you, so put some effort into it!

Try to choose a name (url) that’s simple. You can see it as your brand, it’s how people will perceive you and remember you. If you’d like to interact with other users here (and not use the site just for the content) it’s better to have something short and sweet, preferably without spaces. (Of course, these are only suggestions.) Rest assured, you can change it literally any time you want.

Have a theme. Utilize the tool that lets you edit your blog’s color or the font of your bio! You can make it match your profile picture, or your blog if it has a theme of its own. Make it feel homey :]

Fill in your bio. People will be checking out your profile probably more often than you think. Don’t leave it empty! Put in any information you’re comfortable with sharing and isn’t too personal (like your age if you’re a minor, or other TMI that can be found on other people’s carrds). It’s always better to add a name/nickname people can use to refer to you by, but feel free to use your blog description to shitpost still.

You can have an intro post. More often than not, you’ll see a blog have a pinned post, a post permanently appearing at the top of a blog until you pin another post or unpin it. You can make one of those, if you’d like to introduce yourself in more length, link any other socials or a carrd, and show others visiting your blog how you tag things so it’ll be easy for them to navigate. Not an obligation.

Keep your anonymity and your safety. It should go without saying, but there’s no harm in repeating it just in case. Your comfort, privacy and safety has the utmost importance. Don’t share any information you don’t want to. Don’t share your age if you’re a minor, or any other incredibly personal info. I’d encourage you to go by a nickname that’s not your real name, (blog name, your brand, remember?) since there’s safety in anonymity, and that’s lowkey one of the big deals of tumblr, but that’s up to you still.

Choose what you want to be visible. Your liked posts and who you follow are all things you can set to keep to yourself and hide from the publics eye, how handy! You should go through all the setting while you’re at it, set it to your comfort.

Side blogs are a thing. You can have multiple blogs that you can use for different things (see: different fandoms, art blog, etc) to keep them organized or away from your followers. Just remember that the replies and off-anon asks you send will be from your main blog, as well as where you follow other blogs from.

2) Interacting with others

You’ve set up your account, now comes the fun part!

Follow to your heart’s desire. If you care about others seeing who you follow, fear not! In tumblr, usually only two types of blogs keep their following visible to others: newbies, and big blogs using it to point people on other good blogs’ direction. Just turn it off, and go ham following people.

Customize your dashboard. Gonna mention just two things here: this is another reason why it’s really important that you follow blogs without sparing, your dash will collect dust otherwise; and you should turn off “best stuff first” in your dashboard settings, to have a better community here and all.

Follow tags. You can set it in your settings that posts with your followed tags appear on your dashboard.

You can check the og post for edits and context. When you see a reblogged post you don’t understand the context of (or don’t recognize the character in case of fanarts), click on the profile so it will take you to the original post. From there you can check the original poster’s tags to get the context, or see if there have been any edits made to the post, since when you edit a post it doesn’t update any past reblogs.

Send people asks... This is how you make mutuals, people! Do it off-anon if you’d like them to know your blog, or anon if you’d rather not! (You can still end your messages with a signature to show you’re the same person, -[name] is one example.) Send them nice messages, ask their opinion on something, discuss things, or just straight up shitpost lol. Go wild. The sky’s your limit and it’s definitely more than 280 characters.

...and let them ask you! You can set your preference in the settings, do it on desktop tumblr to access more settings tho! What you can customize on mobile is limited (like letting people ask you things anonymously, that’s only on desktop settings). In my personal opinion, it’s always better to tag their username (or a nickname you give them, if they’re a friend) on that post, since you wouldn’t want your interactions with your friends to get buried in your blog forever.

Comment on posts. If you have something to say but don’t want the post to appear on your blog you can add a comment. The owner of the post will get a notif for it, but for anyone else you need to tag them.

For the love of god, reblog. People will only see your liked posts if you have it visible to public and they specifically go on your blog to look at them. You like something? You reblog. It’s already hard for posts to circulate properly, if you don’t reblog them literally no one will see them. If not for anything do it for the artists. Just hold and drag on mobile to fast rb.

3) Your Posts

Finally here! Don’t be a lurker, post and engage!

Make use of “read more”. If your post is long, add it. That’s what you clicked on earlier to expand this post. On desktop leave an empty line and you’ll see three dots appear, and on mobile type :readmore: on that empty line.

Draft a post to come back to it later. Pretty self explanatory.

Queue your post. Whether it’s your own post or you’re reblogging, make use of the queue feature to a) not spam reblog and fill up the dashboard of people following you and b) keep your blog active while you’re gone. Mess around in the settings, it’s fairly easy to set up.

Schedule your post. Same as queueing, the only difference is you get to choose the exact time your post will go up. Handy if you want to schedule a post for certain dates like april fools, or 5 years in the future for some reason.

Format your texts. You can do all kinds of fancy stuff here (that’s a link, try pressing on it). Twitter doesn’t have this, make use of it. Changes depending on whether you’re on mobile or desktop. (Desktop has less features.)

Check your stats. If you’re trying to understand the algorithm better or want to look at some pretty graphs you can get your data on that on desktop tumblr.

@ people in comments. You’ll get all the notifs when people comment on your posts but they won’t see your reply unless you tag them in your message.

4) Tags, and tagging a post

This is where my earlier statement “this isn’t a rule book” stops being applicable. It’s not a war crime to go against these, I won’t come chasing you (don’t take my word for this) but you’ll work up a bad rep. Just saying lol.

Do NOT crosstag posts. It’s really tempting to add unrelated tags to increase your posts’ interaction, I know, but that’s not what tumblr is about. Don’t be a dick and make other communities’ experience worse for them.

Always tag your posts with “crit/critical/discourse/etc” if it calls for it. There’s no exceptions to it. This is the reason you see people migrating to tumblr. Let people enjoy things.

Don’t main tag a critical/negative post. If your crit post is about “Thing”, you add the “Thing critical” tag, but not the “Thing” tag. People block crit tags if they don’t want to see it, don’t shove it in their faces by main tagging it.

If you don’t want to see something, just block it. Another reason why people are able to survive on tumblr. You don’t start discourse, you don’t make call-outs, you block. You can find something for every community you can think of if you go looking for it. The worst of the worst probably won’t ever appear on your dash, but if you’re worried or feel the need for it, you know where the block button is.

Feel free to shitpost or ramble. More often than not you’ll see people rb a post with a comment, and their elaboration will be in the tags. The tags are only visible on your profile and the notifications of the owner of the og blog. Just a thing people do.

Reblog artists’ posts with nice comments in the tags! Commenting on a drawing is usually done through the tags (Not an obligation, again, just a thing people do. Feel free to add your comment on the rb itself if you’d want other people to see it tho!) and leave nice messages for the artists! It’s a win-win for everyone involved.

If you have more than a single follower, always use the common tw warning tags. You don’t need to tw everything, but tw’ing some common things is the bare minimum human decency. Keep it safe for others.

Tag a post “long post” if it’s really long. Pretty self explanatory. Don’t make people scroll through all that please lol.

You can use them to organize your blog. This is more of a pro tip, if you’d like to not miss a post in your blog, cause they will start pilin’ up soon enough.

#Liveblogging is pretty fun. If you’d like to talk to people during streams, don’t forget to add the relevant tags still! Again, you won’t show up on people’s dash otherwise.

Whew! That got out of hand. Hopefully I didn’t bore you too much. Check out blogs like @heritageposts and @hellsite-hall-of-fame to honor our past o7. @mcytblr-hall-of-fame too maybe :eyes:. Anyways, don’t forget the most important rule of them all:

Enjoy your stay! You’re meant to have fun on here while also making friends (if that’s your thing). Just be kind and respectful of others, you’ll get the hang of the rest! <3

#mcyttwt #mcytblr #dream team #dream smp #mcyt #dsmp #tumblr #how to tumblr #gonna tag ppl now so more users will see it lol #dreamwasteken #georgenotfound #karl jacobs #technoblade #sbi #twitter #twitter discourse #sbitwt #sleepytwt #sleepy bois inc #HOLY shit this took so long omg my back literally hurts rn #the fuckin lengths i go to make sure tumblr doesnt get tainted w twt LMAO #anyways if youre seeing this you should follow me look at how sexy i am i spent the last 2+ hours typing this goddamn list out #also: ignore how i literally sound like its 2014 at some parts here lol i tried my best #also ignore how wack the paragraph breaks are tumblrs formatting hates me and its 4 am im too tired for this #third also: some bits here are supposed to be ironic keep that in mind pls #rolan.txt #long post #save #yes im tagging my own post as save what about it

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gutosimmer · 3 years

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lol I'm just gonna post my Early Strangetown stuff here.

~Welcome To Early Strangetown~

I've always liked the idea of a Early Pleasantview, and i thought it was a real thing, and guess what? There isn't one for download! Well... Not that I know of. So In case if there was, I decided to make a Early Strangetown, that Is 20 years before Strangetown starts (approximately), and Is loosely based In the 80´s, at least I tried to recreate an 80´s vibe from a person that didn't experience the 1980´s.

This Is my first custom Neighborhood, so be nice to me lol. If you got any feedback or question feel free to talk to me!

A big reminder! I have the Ultimate Collection, so all EPs and SPs are required for the neighborhood.

*Edit 04.23*: I've made some corrections to the hood including, giving jobs (some Sims had the memory of the job, but were unemployed) , fixing grades, and gender preferences! Also fixed some text that was misspelled lol! ( and giving bios to the sims that I forgot to give oops! )

*Edit 07.22*: Now I updated the download link! Because this new file doesn't have any stealth hoods attached, because I'm making a sub-hood version of Early Strangetown as a shopping district, I'm just keeping you updated cause If you don't have clean stealth hoods, you will have all of those bin families from the EP's

*Edit 11.06*: Another update, mostly correcting the biographies for the sims, like typos and bad grammar. And fixed the apartment that the Loste family lives.

DOWNLOAD: Early_Strangetown

ALT_Early_Strangetown

CC NEEDED: SIMS 2 STORE, PREORDER, MISC ITEMS

Just to clarify! The maxis match version, means that the oldest parents in each family got their original face from Strangetown, and their children are genetically correct, with their facial structures matching their parents.

I hope this helps! But if you're still confused, you can message me, no problem! I'll try my best to explain lol

EARLY STRANGETOWN AS SHOPPING DISTRICT:

DOWNLOAD: Early_Strangetown_SUBHOOD

Alt_Early_Strangetown_SUBHOOD

This Is a subhood version of the neighborhood, as a shopping district (OFB) you are going to put the neighborhood In this directory:

UC : C:\Program Files\Origin Games\The Sims 2 Ultimate Collection\Best of Business\EP3\TSData\Res\NeighborhoodTemplate

Non-UC : C:\Program Files\EA GAMES\The Sims 2 Open For Business\TSData\Res\NeighborhoodTemplate

~Neighborhood Description~

Knowledge-seeking Sims move to Strangetown to find the truth. Do aliens live among us? Do Sims die mysteriously here? And is the rumor true that a woman has secretly disappeared in this town? In Strangetown, nothing is as it seems.

~Now on with the info~

I've renovated the residential lots, except 2 Cover Up Road, that's too iconic to renovate lol. And the community lots have not been changed.

About the families, they are just the parents of the premades, and the premades themselves. I´ve recreated their faces, which means that the faces are custom.

But I also included a Alt Hood, for the maxis match version of their faces (I extracted the facial structure of the premades parents from the @meetmetotheriver clean template of Strangetown, thanks to @strangetomato we have no corrupted faces!).

The hood comes with:

10 Families (The Muenda family, Nigmos, Specter, Curious, Grunt, Vandermorgan, Loste, Salamis, Loner.);

2 Families In the bin (Smith and Beaker);

9 Inhabited Residential lots;

3 Uninhabited Residential lots;

1 Apartment;

2 Community lots;

20 Adult Townies;

5 Townie Children

5 Teen Townies + 1 JOYFULL surprise!

I've made the all the sims genetically correct (through CAS). And made some genetic changes to fit the sims better, for exemple, Circe's father, his hair genetics is originally black, but i made it red, because i couldn't see Circe without her lovely red hair!

And i've given some of the sims Secondary Aspiration, just to fit the story, for example, A.P. and Jacqueline Vandermorgan, although they are Family sims, i gave them Secondary Popularity and Fortune (respectively) to fit their personal Bio.

And final thing i changed! The ages! I had to tweak some of the ages to kinda make sense, at least In my head. Like, basing of Olive's memories, at this point in the Hood, Lyla would already be dead, so i changed the time of the events, so that all of the sims would be In the same-ish stage of their life.

Here you can see the stories for the playable families!

#strangetown #sims 2 #ts2 #ts2 hood #sims 2 hood #s2download #sims 2 strangetown #earlystrangetown #sims 2 premades #ts2 premades #early strangetown

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hazbincalifornia · 3 years

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OC Meetup Contest

Hello! Like the title says, I’m hosting a contest where your OCs interact with mine! To keep from creating a wall of text, I’ll lay out the rules quickly under the cut and then link to their bios with refs.

The prize will be a writing of about 2-3k in a fandom that I know- probably Hellaverse, but if you’re interested in something else I know (like IZ or Sonic) I’d be fine with that too. (Example fics of about that length.)

Deadline is April 30th, but if need be I can extend it a bit, I’ll see how it goes.

If you have any questions, just ask!

RULES:

-Either submit directly to me or @ me. If I haven’t posted/reblogged it within a day, feel free to send an ask or DM to be sure I didn’t miss it/tumblr didn’t eat it. Submitting a link to twitter or something is fine, I just want to collect them all here for ease and I may repost the entry in the post just to avoid the link breaking, although I will leave a link to your account/the post to keep the source intact.

-It has to be entirely your own work- please don’t edit or trace somebody else’s art and submit as your own.

-Art or fic are both accepted!

-General OCs or other fankids are welcome, whether they’re from Helluva, Hazbin, original, or something else entirely. Kids from ‘conflicting ships’ (like Blitz/Fizz or Alastor ships) are fine as long as they’re not used as an excuse to ship-bash. ‘Siblings/half-siblings’ would be fun!

-Canon characters can be included as well if you’d like, but at least one OC, please.

-Shipping is fine, get creative!

-Just in case anybody wants to, NSFW is okay, just use reasonable judgement with anything extreme if I haven’t expressed interest myself. Feel free to ask if you’re unsure about something.

-You can redesign clothes if you’d like to make them ‘match’ your oc better or you just want to play dress-up.

Here’s a link to the reference page!

#shadow says stuff #oc meetup

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its-afucking-mess · 3 years

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A little guide on ao3 (by an ao3 user and writer)

Friendly reminder for mobile users! Ao3 is a website. It doesn't have (as far as im concerned) an official app for mobile, so better get comfy with using crome on your phone.

Some video links ill leave for people who prefer video and audio:

- navigating the fanfiction sites

- popular fandom terminology part 1 and part 2

- shipping etiquette

i really reccomend coley's videos if you want to get to know more fandoms, or get an inside look to how some stuff works. There also might be more vids about fandom's and fan works, so don't hesitate to look through some of her stuff!

the explaining under the 'read more' ao mutuals wont kill me :)

(also tagging @ethanesimp since they asked for this advice )

So, what is Ao3 really?

Ao3 is a website made by fans for fans. There are no ads, and all content is free on Ao3. Anyone can post (with some age restrictions) and they can post anything.

How can I browse Ao3?

Ao3 does not require an account to view stories. You can easily browse as an anonymous user. You just are not able to view certain works, as creators have the ability to show their works to registered users only. Some cases, commenting is possible while anonymous, but again, it's up to the creator of the work.

If you want to be a creator and share works, you need an account.

An account also gives you the ability to bookmark works, so you can re-visit them, mark works for later, keeps a history of the works you've visited and allows you to favourite tags.

How do I get an Ao3 account?

When you first open the site, it gives you the option to "Get Invited". An invitation will be sent to your email anywhere from 24hrs later to a week later, depending on the amount of people in the automated queue.

After the invitation, you are able to set up your account like any other social media account. Pick a username, pseuds (name), description and bio. You can have a profile picture as well.

How do I navigate the site?

There are few ways to do so efficiently, but there's countless of ways you can experiment with to find which is more comfortable.

1st option: As the website loads, you can go to the 'Fandoms' tag.

Then, after clicking on it, this column appears. Through there, you can pick which media your fandom is from and from there, browse the huge list of different fandoms until you spot your own.

The list is in alphabetical order, so if your fandom begins with an "C", it shouldn't be too far down.

2nd option: At the top right, under your profile, and the options 'Post' and 'Log Out' should be a white oval search bar.

(im using my own account for demonstration)

When searching, there are many ways to work around it.

Personally, I press search as it is. It will lead you to a page where all the fanworks of the site are listed. (i believe its easiest, but always feel free to experiment)

From there, you press the 'Edit Your Search' button, located near the top right.

It will then lead you to a page with multiple fields.

Don't panic when you see all the fields. Only half those are of interest when you want to browse works for a fandom.

The most important ones are those under the Field name 'Work Tags'

Whatever you select under this field will be included in the works the site presents you with.

What are the work tags? What do they do?

Lets go through the options.

Fandom(s): when typing on this option, multiple fandom names will autofill in a list under the white space. If your fandom shows up, you can just click on it.

example:

From there, you can select the fandom you want to see works from. If your fandom doesn't show up, it can mean one of two things:

-there are no works for it

-it isn't popular enough to be picked up by the algorithm

After selecting one fandom, you can select another fandom, or more, to see works that are crossovers over universes.

Ratings: Ratings are selected by author. It defines the level of maturity it has in the work

- General audiences is the tag you want to use when nothing bad happens in the work. No swearing, no sexual activities, no violence or gore. It wont contain scenes that minors are not allowed to see.

- Teen and up audiences is the tag used for most works on the site. It is what would be used when you have mentions of/vague sexual content or violence. Normally, the most extreme stuff on there is excessive swearing, heavy angst and hurt/comfort with no excessive details

- Mature is the tag that is for 18+. It is mostly filled with one of following : Violence, Sexual Content, Ab*se, R@pe, Death and SH.

Reader descretion is advised by looking at the additional tags the author has provided, especially for those with triggers.

- Explicit is like Mature, but contains more graphic content. Works rated explicit mostly fall under the 'Graphic depictions of sexual content', 'Graphic depictions of Violence and Gore' or 'Graphic depictions of Ab*se, R@pe, or Self H*rm

Reader descretion is advised, stronger than mature, since it can be much more triggering. The works are scarily detailed sometimes.

- Not rated: the author has not given this work a rating because none of the other ratings fit the work. Pay special attention to the tags.

Warnings: Also known as Archive warnings by older users. The trigger warnings of Ao3. There are 6 archive warnings:

-Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings: The author didn't use the warnings, either because none of them fit the work's theme and warnings, or to avoid spoiling the story. Pay attention to the tags for any warnings.

-Graphic Depictions Of Violence: It is pretty self explanatory. Can contain any sort of violence, from wars, to simple fights, to ab*se of any kind. Can and often contain death. The type of violence is in the tags.

-Major Character Death: A main character in the story will die in this work. Pay attention to the tags always. The name of the character will be mentioned, as well as the way they die.

-No Archive Warnings Apply: None of the warnings apply. It is most times a perfectly safe work. Check the tags to make sure though!

-R@pe/Non-Con: The work contains non-consensual activities. Ranges from non-consensua sex to non-consensual use and ab*se of substances. Very close attention to the tags!

-Underage: The main character(s) in this work are underage/minors. This is normally tagged along sexual content so be aware and pay close attention to the tags!

Categories: This regards the relationships in the work:

- M/M, or better known as mlm or a relationship between two non-woment (men mostly, can include characters under the non-binary umbrella)

- M/F, a heterosexual relationship (is inclusive of trans characters too!)

- F/F, or wlw, or a relationship between two non-men (women mostly, can include characters under the non-binary umbrella)

- Gen, no sexual or romantic relationships are in this work, or if there are any, they arent of main focus.

- Multi: Polyamorous relationships, or multiple relationships are included in this work (this is also where threesomes+ are tagged in sometimes)

- Other relationships: One of the two people in the relationship is non-human (mostly), or the relationships are platonic/family.

Characters: The characters you want to be included in the story. This works just like the 'Fandom' filter, so the same things apply. You can tag as many characters as desirable.

Relationships: The relationships that you want present in the work. This includes both major and minor relationships. It can also include ended relationships (tagged Past x/y) and implied/referenced relationships. This works just like the Characters and Fandom filter.

Additional Tags: These are things the author has included to give potential readers an insight to the story. 'Angst', 'Fluff' and 'Smut' are additional tags. Works like the Relationships filter, so all same applies.

Is there anything I have to avoid/ I should avoid?

There is this very infamous tag, 'Dead Dove: Do not eat.' This tag is a warining to readers that the things in the work are really messed up, and can include anything illegal in it. PAY VERY CLOSE ATTENTION TO THE REST OF THE TAGS IF YOU STILL ARE INTERESTED.

How else can I filter works?

You can choose how they are:

sorted (Titles, Authors, Hits, Kudos, Comments, Bookmarks, and Best Match)

the word count (from 1 word to millions)

the language (most are on there)

the amount of chapters

if the work is complete of not

when it last updated/when was posted

and if there are crossovers.

These are all options that author has to include, and therefore you can sort freely. Most are bulletin options you can click on.

What if I want to find a specific work?

If you happen to know one of these: Author, Title, Fandom or Rating, you will find it. If you were reccomended one, it's better to ask for the author or the title, to make looking for it easier.

Can I find a specific author/ user?

People search is for finding users on the site

Bookmark search helps you look through other people's public bookmarks. Not really used.

Tag search finds works that include this specific tag you searched. Also not used a lot.

People can see my bookmarks?

When bookmarking a work, you are able to do a lot.

if you do not want your bookmarks to be visible to the public, make sure to check off the Private bookmark box at the bottom left.

Common terms thrown around by Ao3 users:

-tags: the additional tags of the work

-kudos: liking a story

-bookmarks: saving/saved stories. makes it easy to revist. you can see your bookmarks from your profile

-hits: the amount of people that have clicked on a story. Isn't necessary they liked it, but they did click on it.

And those are the basics! If you had to take one thing only, its ALWAYS READ TAGS

I hope this helped the clueless souls even a bit :)

Im open to reply to any other questions, and you can send me them in my asks, messages or comments of this post

#sofi's advice #navigating ao3 #help #advice #ao3

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cancerbiophd · 3 years

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hey julia!! i'm doing an internship in a cancer bio lab (i asked a question about that too lol). my supervisor doesn't allow me to do anything, literally i'm only allowed to watch while he's doing a simple thing like a midi prep. i'm really disappointed, because i just feel like i'm not learning anything. and since i'm not given a project either, i just feel like i'm wasting my time, and i can't leave. do you have any sugggestions about how to make use of a shitty internship lol

Hello anon!

I'm sorry to hear you're having a less than ideal time in your lab. I agree with you that it's very unfair you're not given the chance to do more than just shadow, and you definitely have a right to be disappointed and frustrated. Your supervisor seems ill-matched to be accepting interns; they don't seem to have the capacity, energy, and/or drive to be a proper mentor.

Here are some options you could try to change things for the better:

Firstly, communicate with your supervisor about wanting to do more. Thank him for letting you work with him, tell him it's been informative watching him conduct experiments, and you think you're ready now to try some things first hand yourself, even if it's something small in the beginning like doing a few of the midi prep samples side by side with him next time. You can also ask if there are other "low-risk" tasks you can start helping with, like data analyses.

Set up a meeting with the PI and talk to them about this issue and how it can be resolved (if your PI and your supervisor are not the same person). The PI may not realize that your supervisor doesn't have the capacity to mentor someone right now, so the solution could be as simple as picking another lab member to work with.

Show documentation of internship expectations to back you up. If your internship is a program you applied to, you can pull up the program description that contains expectations/goals to remind your supervisor and/or PI that you would really appreciate their guidance in fulfilling these goals.

If nothing can be resolved internally within the lab, you could contact whoever runs the internship program (if applicable) to ask for their advice. They could have more options for you, or talk to your PI on your behalf. And if this lab really doesn't have the capacity to take on future interns, the program would probably benefit taking the lab off their list for a while.

If all else fails, you can consider doing some sort of independent research project. For example, a literature review where you generate a research question related to your lab's work and dive into the current literature to curate a mini thesis of sorts. The final product can be a paper, a powerpoint presentation, or a poster. It would be a great opportunity to use your supervisor’s expertise in the field for feedback. (And feel free to also reach out to me if you need any ideas!)

Those are all the ideas I can think of for now. I hope the situation gets better for you anon, and that you take away some good experience from your internship.

If anyone has anything to add (maybe a similar story to share), please feel free to do so in a reply or reblog!

#lab advice

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pudgecuddles · 3 years

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My Content & Boundaries

[No need to be alarmed! Nothing has happened to prompt this, I just figured it was about time that I pin a post like this.]

Welcome to my kink blog! This post is here to introduce myself, disclose what type of content that I may reblog or post here (including trigger warnings) and state my boundaries concerning who I want and don’t want interacting with me or my blog.

Intro:

Hi! I’m pudgecuddles! I’ve been here in the community as a lurker since 2018, and finally got around to making this sideblog about 2 years ago under the handle “prettypudgy”. I changed my username slightly after some twitter douchecanoes took screenshots of my content and made threads mocking it.

I am 24 years old and identify as female. Please use she/her pronouns when referring to me. I won’t be mad at all though if you use they/them or he/him, but I’ll probably just gently let you know what I prefer :)

I am aromantic/asexual, meaning that I do not experience romantic or sexual attraction to people of any gender identity or expression. I still experience aesthetic attraction, and of course enjoy the concept of weight gain as a kink.

Although I am participating in them, I am not looking for RP partners at the moment!

My Content and the Content I Reblog:

Although I do like fluffy and mild WG content (ya’ll who make that type of content are amazing and beautiful and deserve all the love and reblogs in the world), I do enjoy darker and less popular tropes/kinks as well. Up until recently the majority of the stuff I’ve reblogged has been cute and moderate, but I have been working on my own stories and RPs which happen to be on the more intense/darker side.

My content going forward may include topics such as:

Extreme Weight Gain Immobility Mind Break Pet/Pig Play BDSM Humiliation Manipulation Feminization Dub-Con Watersports Eproctophilia Slob Abusive Relationships (it’s not something I enjoy writing, but I may reblog it)

I will always tag specific topics and tropes that may not be for everyone such as immobility or fart kink stuff. And definitely triggering content such as dub-con or degradation. For example, I will tag it as “Immobility”, “cw Immobility” and “tw Immobility”, in case someone has only one tag blacklisted.

Please keep yourself safe! This community is supposed to be a comfortable, creative area where users can curate a homepage of content that matches thier tastes and respects their boundaries. I will not be offended at all if you decide to block me or my written/rendered content. All I ask is if you’re already an acquaintance or mutual of mine that you let me know before you do :) You don’t even need to tell me why, I just don’t want to wonder if I made you mad or were ignoring me on purpose.

Zero hard feelings, seriously! The block button is there to protect you!

Boundaries:

Please do not hit on me, or unexpectedly discus sexual topics without me knowing your age and instigating it. It is different if I already know you and am comfortable speaking with you like that.

Yes: Pudgecuddles: Wow that drawing is ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) You, 18+: Wanna see him get bigger? ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

No: Pudgecuddles: Wow! I love your line work! It’s so clean and really compliment’s the shading! You, 18+: Wanna see him get bigger? ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

No: Pudgecuddles: Wow! I love your line work! It’s so clean and really compliment’s the shading! You, 16: Wanna see him get bigger? ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Yes: Pudgecuddles: Wow! I love your line work! It’s so clean and really compliment’s the shading! You, 16: Thank you so much! ^_^ What do you think about the shape of his hands?

Minors: If you do not have your age, (or at least an 18+ only, or “I am an adult!”) in your bio, I will either ask you for your age or choose not to interact directly with you. This is not a punishment or a personal vendetta. I just do not feel comfortable interacting directly with minors when it comes to NSFW kink content. I am okay with reblogging your content, as supporting those in the community that are still young and exploring their identities in a safe and distant way is very important to me. I am so happy for you that you have found a welcoming and protective space to safely explore your sexuality and discuss your favorite groups. It’s what I wish I had when I was younger.

But I ask that you don’t attempt to private message me or participate in conversations that are sexual in nature.

Bigotry: Do not interact with me, my blog or my content if you do not support all LGBTQ+ identities. This includes but is not limited to: Transgender folk, Bisexuals, Pansexuals, Polysexuals, Omnisexuals, Asexuals, Aromantics and Non-Binary/Agender peeps. TERFs, exclusionists and Battleaxe Bisexuals are not welcome and will be insta-blocked. Same with those that participate in “discourse” on these topics.

If you do not believe that Black Lives Matter or support Donald Trump or any conservative party, politician or policy, please unfollow and block me. They have killed thousands of people and actively lobby against minorities.

This is the only time that I will be political on this blog. I am infinitely more outspoken/advocating on my main, but this sideblog is supposed to be a stress-free, kinky escape from the horrors of reality. I go on my main to reblog petitions, I go on here to reblog erotica.

This does not mean that I do not care, or that I am not an ally or that I enable racists or transphobes. It just means that I recognize that sometimes people get burnt out from constantly being reminded of the policies that harm them, or acts of violence against their race. I want this blog to be an escape, for both myself and my followers.

Hate/Trolling: Hateful or negative comments on me or my friend’s content will get your account blocked. This ranges from “ew” to telling them to kill themselves. This behavior is not tolerable anywhere, and the more extreme comments will be reported to Tumblr staff. Comments saying our content is disgusting will automatically tell me you think it’s hot and are in denial. How very sad. I will dedicate my grossest story to you specifically.

Inter-Community Drama: Mob behavior, brigading, witch hunting, call out posts (vague or by name), vitriolic hate and bullying of any type is something that makes me extremely uncomfortable due to having experienced cyberbullying in the past. Making people deactivate, continuing to attack them after apologies and other related behavior will get you blocked no matter the quality of your content, your standing in the community or our relationship history.

I cannot deal with seeing that behavior and it scares me continuing to interact with those that I learn can so easily turn on their friends like that.

That’s All Folks!

#tw mention of abuse #tw mention of self-harm #tw drama #tw politics

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ofmythsandmadness · 4 years

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prompts & requests.

SO...I never meant to delay this for so long, I’m so sorry for this, but I’m excited to rejuvenate this page -- I’m quite bad with tumblr, but I just hit 350 followers and I figured I’d put in a second dime for trying to make this little account work. People seem to like my little writings (which surprises me tbh, but I appreciate the love) and I’ve gotten a lot of questions about requests, so here’s the masterpost of all that for here!

PLEASE NOTE: I don’t use Tumblr too regularly, I’m trying to be more active but because of life & stuff, I’m not always active to write. Plus, just because you request something, doesn’t mean I will automatically be able to give that! It takes time, inspiration, and often the ability to form a sentence, which weirdly I struggle with. Way too often.

ALSO! please feel free to check out the kofi link in my bio (can’t link it here bc tumblr doesn’t like links and this won’t show up at all) and buy me a coffee if you feel like it! please don’t if you can’t and i’m not trying to force, guilt or forcibly nudge anyone to do it, it’s just if you can and want to support me, that’d be real sweet. :)

WHO I WRITE FOR...most people look at this acc for tua writings, which i’ve got an abundance of! I’m quite fine with any requests of any characters, except for five (unless like it’s some aged up version of him; I don’t feel comfy writing about him and I just don’t care to). I also will write for a lot of other fandoms if you ask for them: those including marvel, stranger things (those of age, i’m not writing stories about minors), harry potter and a couple others. Just ask me, I’ll let you know if I write for the fandom & we can move from there, darling. :)

HOW TO REQUEST...I prefer not too many details in a request, just so I still feel inspired to write the piece. So, if you’re asking based on a prompt below, tell me the number(s), the character you’re looking for, and any details you feel necessary to add! Remember, nothing too specific, like don’t give me the entire plot but things like genre, atmosphere, details on the reader are okay. I usually write either genderless or female reader (I try to stick with the former to be accommodating) but you can ask for a specifically gender-neutral or female/male reader too. This also applies to fics you want garnered to a specific section of the LGBTQIA+ community (for example, if you wanted a lesbian reader with Vanya Hargreeves). I try not to add any details to appearance to the story so that everyone can enjoy the fic, but again you can ask for any specific and I will try my best to accomodate for you lovelies.

REQUEST EXAMPLE - “Can you write something with prompt number 3 and 17? Preferably with a gender-neutral reader, and with Allison Hargreeves? I’d like it to be a happy fic, please, and for the reader to not have any powers. Also, they’re a cat person! Thanks!”

Obviously, I know most people know what’s up and are respectful. But just in case you wanted an example, there you go. :)

PROMPTS LIST

(these were made by me and to my knowledge, they’re not used elsewhere, only some were taken off my last requests list. also, feel free to mix + match and ask for as many as you want)

Quote Based Prompts:

1. ‘I think I’m falling for you,’ clumsy character. 2. ‘C’mon, this is definitely safe!’ 3. ‘Do you believe in ghosts?’ + ‘Why, is there something you want to tell me?’ 4. ‘Shut up about your black coffee aesthetic and try my (insert here) drink.’ 5. ‘I’m only asking for a hug because I forgot my coat and you’re like a human furnace...don’t get any ideas.’ 6. ‘Just five more minutes.’ 7. ‘And you’re sure this isn’t illegal?’ 8. ‘Wanna go get married?’ 9. ‘I love you” “don’t lie to me’ 10. ‘I hate you’ + ‘no, you don’t.’ 11. ‘let’s dance to taylor swift and forget about reality for a moment, please.’ 12. ‘why don’t you trust me?’ 13. ‘promise me, we’ll make it out of this alive.’ 14. ‘we can’t just pushing each other away and expecting things are going to change.’ 15. ‘why are you helping me?’ 16. ‘tell me a secret.’ 17. ‘you can’t friend-zone me, we’re married!’ 18. ‘is this the end?’ 19. ‘I let you win.’ 20. ‘go away’ + ‘no, not until I know you’re okay’ 21. ‘we were supposed to be forever.’ 22. ‘nothing’s fair in love and war.’ 23. ‘I want to be here for the good and the bad.’ 24. ‘So...what happened this time?’ 25. ‘I just really wanted to see you.’ 26. ‘Uh, that’s the whole point?!’ 27. ‘You cut your hair?’ + ‘I just needed a change.’ 28. ‘I can’t lose you too, dammit!’ 29. ‘Don’t lie, you’re a hopeless romantic at heart.’ 30. ‘Can we keep it?!’ 31. ‘Why can’t this happen like it does in the movies?!’ 32. ‘Can you come with me? It’s just to get gum, but I don’t want to be alone.’ 33. ‘I made muffins!’ + ‘You can bake?!’ 34. ‘I can’t sleep.’ + ‘We can share.’ 35. ‘It used to be so simple...’ 36. ‘STOP SINGING THAT SONG OR-’ + ‘-or what?’ 37. ‘I just wanted to tell you...you look really nice tonight.’ 38. ‘Ooh, show me, show me!’ 39. ‘I really wish I could paint, because you’re the perfect muse right now.’ 40. ‘Where’d you learn how to do that?’ 41. ‘Hey, it’s okay...you’re safe now.’ 42. ‘Am I in heaven?’ + ‘Aw, you think I’m your idea of heaven?’ 43. ‘I’m not crying!’ + ‘Oh, so it’s normal for your eyes to leak like that?’ 44. ‘Why wouldn’t you tell me that sooner?!’ 45. ‘What do you think of kids?’ 46. ‘Do you think I’m a good person?’ 47. ‘Don’t look down.’ + ‘You’re only telling me that now?!’ 48. ‘It’s okay...it’s going to be okay...’ 49. ‘I didn’t think it would hurt so much to do this.’ 50. ‘Nerd.’ + ‘Loser.’ 51. ‘Wait, you actually came?’ 52. ‘You didn’t notice the one bed before?!’ + ‘It didn’t say on the website!’ 53. ‘I’m in the hospital, but don’t worry--’ + ‘Don’t worry?!’ 54. ‘Yeah, I was jealous. So what?’ 55. ‘Did you know you talk when you sleep?’ 56. ‘Of course I kept it. Why wouldn’t I?’ 57. ‘I can’t get you out of my head...’ 58. ‘I made you it because I love you, duh.’ 59. ‘I trust you.’ 60. ‘How am I supposed to trust you?!’ 61. ‘You have to start getting better excuses.’ 62. ‘I think they like you!’ 63. ‘I swear if you sing baby it’s cold outside ONE MORE TIME--’ 64. ‘You’re telling me you don’t know all the words to Promiscuous? Who are you?!’ 65. ‘I only went along with it for your sake, you know I hate (insert here).’ 66. ‘Hold my hand but only so we don’t get lost. I don’t need you getting any ideas about us.’ 67. ‘Loosen up, jackass, and give in to evil a little more!’ 68. ‘You didn’t respond to any of my texts, so I assumed you were either dying or crying. I brought answers to both situations.’ 69. ‘That’s it. I’m officially convinced that you’re actually three years old.’

Situation Based Prompts: 1. Person A refuses to dress for the cold and gets sick; Person B is stuck taking care of them afterwards. 2. Person A finds a stray and wants to take it home, but Person B isn’t so interested. 3. Coffee Shop AU; Person A shows up every Saturday to work, and Person B becomes infatuated with the mysterious person. 4. Person A wants to watch a scary movie. Person B accepts, too chicken to admit they’re terrified of horror movies. 5. Person A falls asleep, and Person B plays with their hair. 6. Person A and B wake up hungover and realise that they got married last night. 7. ‘Oh...you love them’, where Person A realises that their real feelings for Person B. 8. Person A is a Christmas enthusiast, but Person B hates the holiday season. 9. (School Based Prompt); Person A doesn’t know how to talk to Person B, and decides to pretend to need help in a subject they definitely don’t need help with. 10. Person A decides to confess their feelings to Person B through a series of anonymous gifts...only they aren’t who B suspects behind it all... 11. Person A and B have a Catwoman/Batman type relationship, dancing around one another and ignoring their obvious feelings. 12. Younger!Person A and B shared their first kiss with each other -- not because of feelings, JUST to get it over with. It never meant anything, right? 13. There’s only a little bit of time left for Person A...will they make it to B, in time? 14. (Flower Shop AU) Person A comes in every day to purchase the same single flower every time, and Person B has no clue why. 15. (Villain/Hero AU) Person A goes home to find B in their bed, bleeding and fast asleep. 16. Person A has a fear of driving. Person B finally asks why. 17. (School Based AU) Person A and B get paired together to complete a project worth a lot of their grade. The only problem? They hate each other. 18. (Coffee Shop AU) Person A comes in every day with a different name and sunglasses on, ordering the same thing every time. And Person B is obsessed. 19. Person A has a hard day at work. Person B doesn’t know what they should do to help. 20. Person A finally finds out about Person B’s big secret -- only, it doesn’t come from Person B. 21. Person A is the most oblivious person in the world. Person B is slowly losing their mind over it. 22. Everyone thinks that Person A and C are meant to be together, and it’s only A and B who really, really don’t see it. 23. And they were roommates (oh my god, they were roommates...) 24. Person A’s roommate’s boyfriend is over again, and they escape to Person B’s for peace of mind. 25. Person A finds a random bag and is determined to return it to the owner -- only, all the clues she has for who the person really is, is in the contents of the bag. 26. (Party Based Prompt) Person A and B really, really didn’t want to go to the party. But maybe meeting one another makes it worth it. 27. Person A and B go laser-tagging for some stress relief. 28. There’s a Halloween party and neither A or B knows who the other is going as. But the (insert costume) standing in the corner is looking rather suspicious... 29. (Apocalypse AU) Person A and B have been struggling for months alone, and finally reach something that gives them hope. 30. Person A and B both head to the roof for some escape. They definitely didn’t expect to see someone in their special place... 31. Person A works really late shifts downtown; Person B always makes sure they’re there to give them a ride, no matter how inconvenient it is. 32. Person A forgets about changing their emergency contact, and this backfires when they end up in the hospital... 33. (Soulmate AU) In a world where people don’t age past 21 until they meet their soulmate, Person A is surprised to learn that the partner they’ve been with for four years hasn’t aged a day -- but they have. 34. (Airport AU) Everything shuts down in a last-minute snowstorm, leaving two strangers stranded. 35. (School AU) Everyone ships Teacher A and B together, and scheme to finally set them up. 36. Person A and B ride the train together every day. 37. (Doctor AU) Person A has to take Person C to the doctors. Much to both surprise, Person A falls quickly for the Doctor who comes in (Person B) -- and Person C takes it upon themselves to let B know. 38. (Neighbours AU) Person A is tired of hearing Person B being so loud so late at night -- especially when they have to get up super early. They finally decide to confront them on it. 39. (Soulmate AU) Everyone has the same cuts, bruises and scars as their soulmate, which really freaks out Person A, who becomes determined to find their soulmate to make them stop getting hurt. 40. Person A and B are hiding their relationship from everyone. They’re not very good at it. 41. Person A finally trusts Person B to meet their (insert here); the last step in their relationship. 42. Person A sends their text to the LAST person they wanted to send it to: Person B. 43. (Delivery Person AU) Person A somehow always manages to be the one to sign for the office packages...does Person B have anything to do with it? (Also, why does A keep buying so much stuff?!) 44. (Arranged Marriage) Person A is being forced into a marriage to Person C neither they or Person B wants. But B might just have a plan out... 45. (Bodyguard AU) Person A always knew that Person C was rich, but never rich enough to need a legit bodyguard. But when C’s father’s company is threatened, they call in the big dogs -- and they’re cute, too. Aka...A makes a point to catch the attention of Person B at any time possible, much to their upset. 46. (University AU) Person A needs a model. Person B needs a way to occupy their afternoon. Thus, a deal is struck. 47. Person A is a private detective hired to work the case on a mysterious murder (that strangely, Person C doesn’t want getting out). Person B is C’s lead suspect, but A can’t help but feel like they’re not the real culprit... 48. Person A drags Person B along onto a roadtrip across the country to go visit their oddball grandparents. But things go south quickly. 49. Person A gets robbed, and has no one to call when they can’t shake the nightmares but Person B. 50. Person A can manipulate time, but only by an hour. Person B doesn’t know this, but gets suspicious when they see A do something very, very weird... (you can supply more details for this one) 51. (Neighbours AU) Person A and B have the thinnest walls ever, which would suck, but they both oddly have the exact same taste in music. It’s nice; if only they got to meet. 52. (Store AU) Person A and B get locked into their work’s freezer for the night. 53. (Coffee Shop AU) Person B has never met Person A; they always miss them by only a minute. They do, however, manage to sit at the exact same table every day and pick up the piece of art they leave for the next customer. 54. Person A has loved Person B their entire life. Too bad they’ll never get to tell them. 55. (Diner AU) Person A meets Person B at three in the morning when they stumble in soaked. They’re surprised, when they show up again...and again...at the exact same time. 56. (5+1) Five times Person A told Person B they loved them, and the one time Person B finally said it back. 57. (5+1) The five times Person A surprises Person B, and the one time Person B surprises A. 58. (5+1) The five times Person A broke Person B’s heart, and the one time they didn’t. 59. (5+1) The five times Person A saved Person B...and the one time Person B couldn’t save A. 60. (5+1) The five times A and B almost meet, and the first time they finally do. 61. (5+1) The five times Person A lies to Person B, and the one time they finally tell the truth. 62. Person B is like, super allergic to dogs. But Person A doesn’t need to know that. 63. Person A has no clue how to tell Person B how they feel. So, they make a playlist. 64. Person A and B accidentally switch luggage at the airport.

Happy requesting, darlings.

#diego hargreeves x reader #luther hargreeves x reader #allison hargreeves x reader #ben hargreeves x reader #klaus hargreeves x reader #vanya hargreeves x reader #lila pitts x reader #mine #requests #peter parker x reader #michelle jones x reader #ned leeds x reader #harry potter x reader #hp x reader

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forasecondtherewedwon · 4 years

Text

Beyond a Seasonable Doubt

Pairing: Peter Parker x Michelle Jones (Spideychelle) Rating: T Word count: 7478 @spideychelleweek

Spideychelle Week Day 2: Soulmate AU

Summary: Peter's been living in winter for 17 years. A single smile from his soulmate would bring him into spring. Today, he finally has a real conversation with MJ, the girl he's pretty sure is the one.

Every day, Peter Parker wakes up certain of three things: that he won’t leave himself enough time to finish his cereal, that he should dress for snow, and the (probable) identity of his soulmate.

Ok, the first one’s not a certainty per say―sometimes he has microwave oatmeal or blueberry toaster waffles―but the second one’s been true his whole life. Every single day, for the past seventeen years and change, he’s been swaddled for winter weather. Could be January when he’s three years old and his puffy snowsuit looks totally appropriate as his mom pushes him down a slushy sidewalk in his stroller. Could be August 10th just last year and he’s wearing a woolen fisherman sweater (inherited from his Uncle Ben) and two pairs of socks to his own birthday pool party. Until his soulmate is confirmed, he won’t be part of the regular changing of the seasons that, up to this point, he’s only heard about and seen pictures and video of. For all intents and purposes, in Peter’s world, it’s winter. Some people say the date they’re stuck on bothers them. Personally, he doesn’t know how it could, since he’s never known anything different. You just have to layer up and get on with it.

His arm’s deep in his backpack, feeling around for the scarf he could swear he stuffed in there yesterday, as he walks into the kitchen. It’s a rare day; both Happy and May are at the table, working from home today. With ambivalence to the inevitability that he’ll be dumping half of it in the sink, Peter starts in on his Cheerios. He’s less apathetic about watching his dining companions. They haven’t had the easiest path, so he studies them for clues. May’s first soulmate was Uncle Ben. That’s not up for debate. Within 24 hours of when they met, the seasons adjusted themselves and two more people joined the rest of the world’s matched soulmates in enjoying the proper rotation of the earth around the sun. After Ben’s death, May told Peter that the seasons continued to change for her, but they slowed. Once a couple of years passed, there was a noticeable lag. She fell out of step with the world. When Happy came on the scene, things got back on track. Voilà, soulmate number two. From what Peter’s read, it’s not that unusual to find another soulmate if you lose your first, but honestly, he’d be happy just to get one.

May and Happy are dressed for mid-spring.

“Rain today?” Peter wonders, spooning Cheerios into his mouth.

“It’s holding off for now,” his aunt informs him.

When he turns to look out the window, there’s a cottony haze of thick snowflakes, like all of Queens is having a pillow fight on the rooftops. He sighs with acceptance rather than despair. Nothing was going to change overnight. It couldn’t, not without her, whoever she is. (He thinks he knows.)

“Cool.”

He leaves in a rush, slopping milk into the sink, and pulling on a hat.

A season isn’t much of a clue, but that’s not exactly how everyone experiences their pre-soulmate life. Instead of cycling through an entire spring, for example, and then starting again, each person exists in the weather as it was on the day their soulmate was born. The universe was kinda against Peter from the first. Snow, in his mind, goes with winter, but of course, in their New York climate, snow isn’t trapped between the boundaries of December and March. It wasn’t until he got his second clue that he figured out the first. The second clue was that this one girl would never smile at him. Soulmates need to smile at each other. That’s it. Just smile and everything else falls into place. No more dressing for the same temperature every day or involuntarily shivering when they see people in shorts and t-shirts in a world they observe to be covered in snow. Most people who haven’t found their soulmate yet smile a lot, trying to catch everyone’s eye, in the hope of locating the right person, so the fact that this one girl refused to smile at him (and continues to refuse) made Peter curious―curious enough to do some research to find out her birthday. End of November. Meaning autumn, not winter. He checked the weather for the year he was born, assuming he’s got the right girl and they share a birth year. Bingo. Big cold front, unexpectedly heavy snowfall that day. Plus, this girl dresses like it’s the peak of summer, which fits with when his birthday is, and he’s never seen her wear an outfit for cooler weather or hang around with any one person in particular (soulmates, especially those his age, tend to cling).

So, the third certainty. Peter’s pretty sure he knows who his soulmate is. What he doesn’t know is why the hell Michelle Jones won’t smile at him.

―

Every day, Michelle Jones wakes up certain of three things: that the inevitable sweat patches in the armpits of her uniform shirt will aid her in bullying Coach Wilson into letting her sit out during gym, that Peter Parker is her soulmate, and that she’d really prefer that he wasn’t.

People think she’s rude, which is maybe correct in the effect she has on them but not in the intention of her actions. She doesn’t like acting a certain way because it’s how she’s supposed to act. She doesn’t like etiquette, she doesn’t like rules, and she doesn’t like soulmates. Doesn’t want one, doesn’t need one. It’s an opinion adults condescendingly informed her she’d grow out of―as if accepting that she’s being denied free will is the kind of thing she’d mature into―until she quit voicing it. People love the system as long as they believe it’s working for them. What’s childish, as far as MJ is concerned, is placing complete faith in something as pervasive as soulmates simply because it seems too big to fail. That expression always makes her think of the Titanic.

She knows it’s not the cotton candy fantasy everyone wants to believe it is, and she’s not just disillusioned because she wakes up to a heatwave every day and has to carry deodorant with her all the time. Like most people, she was born the child of two soulmates. They met, they smiled, they took the soulmate bait, hook, line, and sinker. And then, even though they loved each other and got married and made MJ, her mom became mildly depressed. Her doctor thought it was the consequence of the seasons. MJ’s dad was a late-April baby, so maybe her mom was just one of those people who took longer to get used to variations in temperature and hours of daylight. The doctor thought she’d snap out of it when winter ended and nice weather came again. The problem was that MJ’s mom packed up and left in February. MJ’s never going to know for sure if it was the weather that made her go, but she does know that the soulmate bond wasn’t enough to make her mom stay. It taught her that, if a person’s determined enough, they can override destiny.

So she’s thankful to her mom, wherever she is, for that.

Based on her motives for distrusting the soulmate influence, the reason she doesn’t want Peter should be because she doesn’t want anybody, but no, it’s him in particular that MJ’s pretty much convinced she could do without. He’s smart, funny on occasion and mostly by accident, and he’s experienced family tragedy that’s different from hers, so they could connect over their messed-up pasts without too much overlap. All of that is more than she wants to deal with. If the universe attempted to shack her up with some trust-fund-having, loafer-wearing, future-frat-house-keg-meister, she could’ve worked with that. She would’ve smiled at the silver-spoon-suckling to confirm they were soulmates, then let that puppy-dog trail her from protest to protest while she told him when to pull out his chequebook and how many zeros to put down. There would’ve been a clear, Robin Hoodian purpose to that relationship. There’s not a point to Peter, besides him being someone she could very probably, very quickly fall in love with. Obviously, she can’t do that because soulmates are bullshit and true love is a con and long-term monogamy is a doomed enterprise.

…And she’s going to be late for her first class, Biology. Ugh, Peter always does this to her―intentionally walks slow to try to trick her into catching up with him. All that does is make MJ take a longer route and misjudge how quickly she needs to move. She wishes he’d knock it off. He’s backed off on a lot of other things for her sake (that’s an assumption based on observation because, of course, she’s never initiated a conversation with him), like sitting across from her in the cafeteria and dropping out of marching band (he plays trombone, she plays euphonium, and the brass section was too cozy a space for successfully avoiding someone). That second one was a waste because she was about to quit anyway, so now neither of them are in it and the whole band’s off balance. Too many fucking flautists. If Peter would commit to doing one or the other―pestering her or ignoring her―that would be convenient, but he’s inconsistent and she’s annoyed.

Oh, here’s another thing that happens every day: MJ hopes her displeasure will protect her from the urge to smile at the adorable, well-intentioned pain in her neck that destiny wants to tie her to until one of them drops dead or, marginally less dramatic, runs out on the young family they’ve created. It really pisses her off that Peter seems like he’ll be a great dad in another decade or two.

“Hey, MJ,” he says, when she finally makes it to Bio and slides behind the lab desk in front of his.

“Kiss my ass, Parker,” she mutters back.

He’s the reason for the sweat running down her spine. MJ pinches the front of her t-shirt and flaps it away from her skin, trying to stimulate enough airflow to make it through the period.

―

“You could trick her into smiling at you,” Ned suggests. They’re sitting together at lunch and Peter has a glumness hangover from MJ ignoring him (again) that morning.

“Babe,” Betty admonishes.

“Babe, he’d only feel bad if MJ really is his soulmate. If she’s not, then at least they know for sure and they can quit being weird with each other.”

“I’m not being weird with her,” Peter objects. “I’m just being nice! And I told you, I know it’s her.”

“You get that feeling?” Ned checks. “That warm feeling like I got the first time I saw Betty’s beautiful face?”

“Aw, babe!”

Their arms are already linked as they eat, but now Betty lays her head on her soulmate’s shoulder. If they get much closer, she’ll be in Ned’s lap, at which point Peter will have to make himself scarce. Though love is cute, it’s also kind of an affliction with a lot of messy symptoms.

“I don’t feel like I’m doing anything wrong!” he blurts out in frustration, jabbing at the salad May made him for lunch. “How could we be so incompatible?”

“You’re not though,” Betty counters. “You’re totally compatible.”

“Yeah, but we haven’t even taken the first step.”

“Maybe you shouldn’t think of it as the first step,” Ned suggests, being all wise.

“What do you mean?” Peter asked cautiously.

“Babe, you couldn’t be more correct,” Betty gushes. Peter sighs impatiently. He shouldn’t―they’re trying to help him―but it’s hard having paired up friends while his own soulmate stays just out of reach.

“Elaborate please,” he prompts.

He shifts in place and shivers when he accidentally moves out of the space his butt’s been warming. Meanwhile, here are Ned and Betty in their lightweight sweaters and sneakers. Peter’s boots clomp under the table.

“Well,” Ned posits, “isn’t confirming you’re soulmates more like the final step? You’ve done your waiting and now you get to be together?” Betty kisses his cheek in agreement.

“Maybe,” Peter allows.

“If you accept that confirming your bond isn’t the very next step, then you can start considering what is the next step. What do you think that might be, Peter?” Betty asks.

“I should… get MJ to tell me why she isn’t ready or interested in confirming it. In a respectful way that doesn’t pressure her,” he adds when Betty narrows her eyes judgementally.

“And how do you plan to achieve that?”

“Babe,” Ned intercedes, “let’s give him a minute to think about it.”

Peter tries to do that while he finishes his lunch. There are a lot of vegetables in here and they’re seasonal, just not for the season he’s experiencing. May’s always trying to load him up with vitamin-rich foods, since most of his day’s snowy; the clouds clear for a while around the time he gets out of school, allowing him some sun on his face as long as he doesn’t dawdle or land in detention. That train of thought makes him realize that detention would be the perfect place to talk this out with MJ, except that he’s against Ned’s plan of tricking her into becoming his soulmate and making sure she landed in detention with him would probably involve tricking. He knows she used to hang out there voluntarily from time to time, but not since they became aware of their connection. Now, she seems to avoid any place she might get stuck in and be cornered by Peter.

Ugh! He’s so ready to love and be loved! It’s super awesome to have people to love and worry about and have breakfast with. Love and breakfast are precious, in Peter’s opinion, and so is time. Getting enough of it isn’t something to be depended upon. After his parents and then Uncle Ben, he can’t trust quantity―he gives and gets quality love these days. He doesn’t know everything about Michelle Jones, but he’d like her to understand that, the irreplaceable value she represents to him. If she’d just be a plain envelope, he’d do all the work; put on the stamp, write out the address, compose the note it would hold. Right now, she’s like a sheet of paper, he guesses, one that they fold up into an envelope. She hasn’t been cut out or had that gross glue strip applied and it seems like it might be a long time before she’s ready for a letter or, like, a Happy Bar Mitzvah card. MJ might not want to be his envelope person, or she just might not know the things he could be for her (glue-licking, stamp-applying, Mazel Tov!-writing). If she at least knows, then he’ll concede that he’s done everything he can. If she knows, it’ll hopefully be enough for her to make a decision. Peter can’t force her to decide in his favour, but even if she understands and decides that she needs another five years before she wants to talk to him about the probability of their being soulmates and maybe revisit the smiling thing, he’ll know something too. Waiting is really tough.

―

“Don’t smile at me,” Peter requests, both hands up, when MJ shuts her locker to see him standing there.

She rolls her eyes. Nothing about the one person she’s actively avoiding hanging out at a place she has to be makes her want to smile. Did he decide that if he couldn’t be her soulmate he’d settle for being her stalker?

…Probably not. He’s way too good a person for that. Seriously, she tries to make these made-up accusations stick to him, but he’s just not that guy. That doesn’t mean she accepts, likes, or appreciates this latest move to get her attention.

“Are you trying reverse psychology now?” MJ demands.

“I’m just trying to make it extra clear that, whatever your reasons are for not smiling, I respect them.” He shrugs his shoulders and she glances down at the lunchbox he’s carrying. She wonders what he ate today.

“What if I’m not smiling because I’m plotting a bank heist in my head? Do you respect that? Do you respect theft, Peter?”

His expression is so satisfyingly startled that she almost does smile. No, fuck this. There are only ten minutes or so left in the lunch hour and she can wander the halls until the next class starts. She goes to step around him, but their shoulders brush and she feels something. It’s more aggressive than the welcoming warmth the bond (that’s what she attributes it to) usually makes her feel when she sees him. This is pure affection and it’s really hard to put her back to it. MJ pauses, facing away from Peter, and she’s almost got the new feeling under control when he turns and starts walking beside her.

“I think we can figure this out,” he says eagerly. Dammit. His enthusiasm for learning is one of the traits she finds most attractive in him. Can’t he just lay off with that fucking fated appeal?

“I think I already have,” she shoots back, not looking at him. “The universe wants to play sock puppets and guess what? We’re the sock puppets.”

“Look,” Peter says. He’s shockingly persistent today as he jumps in front of her and catches her eye. “We don’t have to play by its rules. We can make our own.”

“You wanna be with me?” she asks point-blank. Her chin jerks up instinctively when she questions him, eyes appraising. Either the question or the blunt stare makes him blush.

“Yeah, I, I think I probably do.”

“You want me to fall in love with you? For us to get married? Live together? Have kids? Me and you against the world, forever?”

“Maybe?”

“Well, you can’t just want one thing, Peter,” MJ tells him. Her fingers grip hard at the books in her hands. “There’s no shallow end of the soulmate bond. Its plan is not for us to casually date and let things plateau if it doesn’t work out.”

“But it would work out.” Poor thing looks confused.

“Says who?”

He shrugs.

“Everybody.”

“Check your sources.”

She hangs a left into the girls’ bathroom before Peter can respond, but he’s waiting in the hall when she returns.

“You can’t ignore it,” is the first thing he says to her, pushing off the wall. This time, MJ plants her feet.

“Or you, apparently, if you keep stalking me.”

“I’m not trying to. I just want us―”

“To talk,” she finishes for him. “Which is pointless. You’re not going to gain any ground with me, Peter. I have no ground for you to gain on this issue.”

“Maybe, if you told me why you won’t smile, you’ll feel better.”

“I feel fine.”

“You do not. You’re trying not to let someone care a lot about you when it’s guaranteed that they would. He would. I would,” Peter rambles. He takes a deep breath and looks her firmly in the eye. “Isn’t that, like, the one thing everybody wants? To be able to count on someone caring?”

“I’m not broken just because I don’t want what everybody wants,” she bites back, feeling herself flush with annoyance and, beneath that, embarrassment at being assessed.

“I would never call you broken,” he swears in a quiet voice. He is not going to make her tear up right now. She’s softening though, she can feel it. Stupid sincere soulmate. “I mean, if anything, I’m broken, so I could never judge, even if I wanted to. I know people try hard to find their perfect match, but I feel greedy sometimes with how badly I want it to happen to me. I know it’s not fair to you, I’ve been coming to terms with―”

“You’re not broken, Peter. Wanting someone to love you doesn’t make you broken. Or, if it does, then most people are. You’re not alone just because you don’t have me.”

Clearly, the time to stop herself was one sentence sooner. Because the jerk smiles at her and the next thing she does is agree to discuss this further after school.

―

There was something she said, while they were talking after lunch, that has him considering their potential as platonic soulmates well into third period. That’s what soulmates are for some people―they want all of the kindness and support of the bond with none of the romance, and the universe gives them what they need. When MJ said that stuff about marriage and babies and forever, Peter began contemplating whether they could achieve the third thing without the first two. Almost immediately, he ruled it out. He knew what attraction felt like. Sure, being soulmates was probably influencing him towards MJ, but she wasn’t the only person he found attractive. He used to have a crush on Liz. One day, when his Business class was on a field trip and it rained, he saw Flash with all the product washed out of his hair and was attracted to him (right up until Flash made a few loud comments about getting ‘Penis’ out of the cold weather before he shriveled up).

The conclusion he comes to is clear: Peter’s definitely hot for MJ. While marriage can wait, falling dizzily, hopelessly in love―and properly, in the kind of love they could have with their soulmate bond confirmed―is something he can only ever half-heartedly postpone. He wants to give her presents with love on her birthday. He wants to hug her and feel a new kind of complete. He wants to be her Valentine.

When Peter sees MJ hanging back to wait for him once the final bell rings, he’s relieved. Then tense. Not screwing this up might literally be the most important thing in his future. Trying to reassure her that he isn’t planning some sort of ambush to force a smile out of her, he suggests they talk someplace where other people will be around. She flat-out refuses to go to a coffee shop with him because it would be way too date-like. (Yeah, he gets that, picturing an awkward moment in which he attempts to pay for both their orders, or their shoes bump under the table.) They agree on the gym, where the girls’ indoor soccer team is having practice. Together―him in flannel-lined jeans and her in shorts―they thud up the bleachers to sit at the very top. MJ catches her foot and Peter notices that, when he instinctively reaches out to steady her, she shies away with a regretful look on her face. He really doesn’t expect her to explain, but then she does as they sit down.

“It does something to me,” she says, jerking her head as though to reference their near-contact.

Peter shrugs.

“Yeah, me too, but I’ve never been trying to avoid that feeling. I’ve gotten used to, like, um,” he stammers, “leaning into it. But I’m sorry. I won’t touch you.”

“Well, you know that I have the opposite habit.” MJ takes a deep breath, and Peter gets the sense that this would be the moment for her to be vulnerable with him and explain why she works so hard to ignore him. Ultimately, volunteering that information appears to be too much of an emotional effort. She decides to ask, “Is that something you’re interested in knowing more about?”

“Anything you wanna tell me,” he says quickly. He’s been waiting forever for this opportunity. “You can ask me things too. Open book.”

“I’m… not used to just spilling stuff about my life.”

He considers that.

“Why’d you say yes to this?”

She sighs and leans forward to rest her elbows on her knees. Then, she cups her face in her hand and turns to meet his eye.

“I’m tired of the way seeing you is always such a big deal. The bond says it’s wonderful and my brain hates it. I don’t want to be so torn all the time.”

“So…” he begins uncertainly. “Which outcome are you hoping for? Thinking I’m wonderful or hating my guts?”

The speed with which MJ turns her face away from him makes him wonder if she’s hiding a smile. He wasn’t trying to be funny.

“Quit twisting my words,” she requests, straight-faced as she stares straight ahead to where the soccer players are booting around what looks like an oversized tennis ball. “I didn’t say I hate you.”

“Just your brain.”

“Mhmm. My brain hates the idea of you.”

“MJ,” Peter says earnestly. She looks at him. “Why?”

“You control my whole life!” she says abruptly. “I’m sweating from climbing these stupid bleachers because of you. I have the urge to smile right now, when I’m irritated, because of you. Your existence tells me what to wear even when I’m not with you and how to feel whenever I see you.”

“I’m sorry―”

“And I can’t even seriously blame you because it’s not actually your fault!”

The girls’ team has quit weaving and shooting the ball, heading and passing it. Peter gets that MJ wanted a public place, but now he knows they’re being eavesdropped on. He’s quiet, though not because of the potential listeners; he doesn’t want to stop MJ from saying whatever she might tell him next. He’s been longing to hear her thoughts for ages.

“And that’s just, like, surface stuff!” she huffs. She’s flushed. If he could hold her face between his hands, the warmth might stay with him all the way home while he trudges along the sidewalk, ploughing snow aside with his shins.

“Please,” Peter says softly, “tell me more. Tell me anything you want.”

―

She went into it knowing she wouldn’t be allowing her soulmate to make her smile, but MJ didn’t anticipate letting him see her cry. He’s so open and she’s fortified her defenses against this topic for such a long time. Apparently, that’s enough for discussing her emotions and fears to make her crack like an egg. Peter doesn’t rush her or tell her that her feelings are the wrong feelings and the whole time he watches her face with a startling amount of attention. Has anybody looked at her like this? Really looked at her? Ever? She feels like a mom would’ve, but she can’t remember if her mom did. And that’s who she’s talking about, that’s the part of the story she’s at, when she feels the tears dribble out and tilts her head to let them drain away over her cheek. God, this is embarrassing. At least the soccer team packed up and left before she felt her throat getting thick.

“I don’t know if I’m still just letting my mom decide whether or not I get to be happy,” MJ admits, face wet until she catches her tear tracks with the back of her wrist. “I’m trying to do this, ignore the soulmate bond, for me, but maybe… I don’t know…”

“You’re forcing me away from you?” Peter suggests.

“Yeah. I’m abandoning you before we can get attached.” Somehow, this dork has Kleenex in his backpack and hands her one. She blows her nose hard, then crumples the tissue in her hand. “Pretty fucked up.”

“Ok, this is gonna sound really stupid, because we’re not even together, but I don’t think I’m the kind of person who could leave you.”

“You can’t promise that though,” MJ says―so, so quietly. She wants her words to run away and hide under the bleachers with the dust bunnies.

“Would you rather have nothing?” he asks.

Coming from someone else, she’s pretty sure that would be an ultimatum, some kind of threat to accept him as her soulmate now or never get another chance. Peter asks it with as little agenda as he’s asked everything else, easing her through her memories and her dreads.

“I’m not sure,” she says.

“Can I tell you something? I’m not sure I could be with someone whose goal was to resist getting or giving love. I mean, I’ve heard everything you’ve told me and I can see why you’ve been dodging the soulmate thing, but if you get to look way ahead and worry about things that are only possible and far in the future, like me leaving you, then I get to look ahead too.” He pauses and she nods to indicate that, yeah, that’s fair. MJ thinks this is very brave of him, stepping out of the situation for a second to consider what he might need later when what he wants is to be with her right away. “I don’t wanna be left either. I don’t want you not to be able to overcome the idea that soulmates are bad and wrong. Maybe it doesn’t matter if you think that in general, but if it’s a part of our relationship, then you’re always going to be expecting things to end. It would be like you were trying to think your way out of it instead of enjoying whatever we could have. And what we could have, by the way? I don’t think the bond has anything to say about that. Does it encourage us to get together? Yeah, sure, fine, it does and we accept that’s how it works. Once we are together though, isn’t the rest on our terms?”

Finally, Peter takes a longer breath and some of the intensity fades from his expression.

“You’re looking at me funny,” he notes. “I know I talked a lot. Are you gonna say something?”

“Just that you sounded smart and it’s pissing me off.”

He gives her dry joke a sad smile.

“Losing people sucks.” His voice is like a rock falling, falling, falling through deep water. “For as much as you don’t want me to make promises, I know that I’d try really fucking hard not to lose you. You can’t hate me, or your brain can’t hate me, for that. It’s the human element of this whole thing, which should be the part you like, since you’re so anti-destiny.”

Looks like Peter’s raised his own spirits enough to offer a conspiratorial little smile at the end there.

“Another repulsively astute point,” she says flatly and watches his smile broaden. Fuck, it makes her heart feel like a marshmallow that’s melting onto a s’more and simultaneously being stretched until it tears into sticky ribbons.

He checks his watch and gets to his feet.

“I gotta get home.”

“Did I miss the soulmate-decision deadline?” she teases. Feels weird. She stands too and they clomp back down to the gym floor.

“No! God, no, I wasn’t trying to rush you by looking at the time!”

“Parker, I’m messing with you. Chill.”

She eyes his winter clothing.

“Or maybe don’t. Looks like you’re chill enough already. Sorry for being born during a blizzard. My dad told me he and my mom barely got to the hospital in time for me to not be born in the car, the roads were so bad.”

Peter appraises her right back.

“Sorry for being born during a heatwave. I wish I could ask my mom what that was like, but you already know about my parents.”

“Shit, I didn’t mean to start comparing…”

“No, I know,” Peter says. “I miss her, but it’s not always the worst, having a certain moment make me notice that I could’ve learned something from her here. It’s actually easier to appreciate than forget, even if it’s sad for a little while.”

“If I promise to try it, will you cut it out with the insightful bullshit?”

Instead of answering that question, he springs something else on her.

“For the record, I know the only reason you didn’t smile at me is because you were trying so hard not to.”

Immediately, MJ turns her back on him and smirks as she heads for the far exit.

―

Peter’s seen a lot of snow. Almost all the weather he’s ever seen is snow, and even at the point in his day when the snowfall takes its lunchbreak, there’s over a foot on the ground and dense grey clouds up above. He thinks it’s crazy how snow fills people with wonder―mainly in Christmas movies and holiday episodes of TV shows. The way he feels about snow is probably how people living in late-spring-to-early-fall weather feel about grass. It’s just there, the base layer of their environment.

Except tonight Peter has his blind up, watching the thin sprinkle the blizzard has slowed into catch the light from other people’s apartments, a clean, meltable glitter. He’s tired and can’t sleep, but it’s a quiet comfort of sleeplessness, not the kind where he stresses and twists around between his sheets. The weight of the day keeps him flat on his back in bed as he thinks it all over. His feelings, MJ’s, the satisfaction of finally having a long talk with her, the biting pain of seeing her cry. In his mind, since he first guessed it might be her who’s his soulmate, he’s been tailoring their love. Their potential love. He didn’t know what it would look like before having her to mould a concept around. Learning that she was probably his soulmate, studying her, Peter decided they were meant for a slow love. Love would be something that slipped gradually across them, like pulling up the sheet on a bed or stepping into a long summertime shadow.

He’s surprised at the kind of love MJ envisioned; from the berth she gave it when she talked that afternoon, it sounded big and powerful and immediate. Faster than an avalanche, ringing through their lives louder than a thunderclap. He wanted them to confirm their bond soon so that unhurried love could begin to develop and she was afraid that the second they started would be the second they were swept away. No wonder she avoided him, Peter thinks. The love she anticipated would equal an act of god and he isn’t ready for that either. He turns his face away from the direction of the window and stares at his dark ceiling.

Peter has plenty of forceful love in his life―he can’t consider it enough forceful love, because there’s no such thing as enough love, is there?―thanks to May. She took on the mom-ish role of caring for him after his parents were gone, then the single-mom-ish role of raising him into approaching adulthood without Uncle Ben. While her aura is soft, her whole attitude has been very roll-up-your-sleeves where he’s concerned. May faced down his extreme need for parental TLC like it was a battle and continues to love him fiercely, even if his steadily increasing age and Happy’s calming presence temper her a little these days. So Peter’s covered in the department of that kind of love. He hopes his forever person doesn’t feel the need to bombard him with a truckload of love from the start; it would make him feel pitied, somehow, like they were putting all their effort into making up for the fact that he doesn’t have parents anymore. Peter knows he doesn’t have parents, he doesn’t want or need to be smothered to make up for their absence.

This chance (it still isn’t a solid thing) with MJ could let him grow into devotion. He’s kinda longing to know what that feels like. The theoretical adjective he’d attach to it is normal. Whatever the universe’s input here, Peter really believes the most normal thing after confirming their bond would be to allow things to develop however felt right. And with the bond backing them, technically anything they do would be right, right? He wants them to grow up together and grow into each other. He doesn’t want MJ to be the bond or a love lightning bolt, zipping down to fry him. The assurance that they’ll fall in love is enough to start. It’s an invaluable forecast, as dependable as the weather he’s been experiencing all his life.

When his phone buzzes on his nightstand, Peter feels as though he’s being retracted like a telescope―thoughts way far out in space drawing back to his building, his bedroom, his body. He rubs his eyes with his knuckle as he looks at the screen.

So… you were unexpectedly deep today, MJ’s text reads.

They never exactly exchanged numbers, but he got hers from Betty one time and saved it just in case. His heart beats faster at the thought that maybe MJ did the same.

And you’re still mad about it? Peter guesses, tapping out his reply.

Oh, you are up.

There was a lot to think about, he tells her honestly. Why are you still awake?

Because the day you were born must have been the most humid day of the year. It’s too hot to sleep.

Also, MJ tags on, that crap you said about thinking.

―

She lets her phone drop onto the thin cotton sheet of the mattress and uses its light to help her see as she rips nervously at the skin around her fingernail. Texting Peter wasn’t even really a thought―she just found herself doing it, surprised by how natural the instinct felt and despite the fact that she really doesn’t reach out to people. That she would reach out to the one person she was utterly vulnerable in front of less than 12 hours ago is something MJ would never have expected of herself. But she’s let him in this far.

And you decided to talk to me about it? Peter finally responds, postponing further anxiety.

I know. My boundaries are completely fucked after this afternoon. I might never be able to bottle up my feelings again. Hope you’re happy, loser.

Well, Peter texts, you don’t have to do that. If you need to empty the bottle every once in a while, I get it. I can be your glass. Or your straw?

You want to suck up my feelings? Like some kind of feelings-vampire?

God, she is fucking this up so severely. He’s going to wish she’d just kept ignoring him instead of caving to his persistent friendliness and that look he gets that’s all eyes, totally impossible to say no to. Amazingly, her last stupid text isn’t enough to make him say he’s going to sleep now, or worse, not respond at all.

Just a feelings-relief, he corrects. Unless you like the idea of the feelings-vampire better.

You don’t need to bend to my will like that, Parker. Suddenly, MJ’s kind of angry.

Don’t give me what you think I want just because you feel bad about seeing me cry, she continues. Or because you think you can make this work by doing whatever I want. Never appease me.

I care, he says simply.

Wow, she feels like a jerk.

Because destiny told you that you could take that care and trade up for the promise of eternal love? she snarks back, apparently not quite done with the jerk thing.

I had no idea texting you would be even more fun than talking in person.

Is he… is he being sarcastic with her? MJ smiles at her phone. Incredible.

I’m fun in all mediums, she says, not having a clear idea of what she means and looking forward to Peter trying really hard to interpret it.

Knock knock, is his response.

Who’s there?

Ummmm idk.

‘Ummmm idk’ who?

No, I seriously don’t know, he says.

MJ snorts in confused laughter and shifts around to find a cool spot on her sheet; she wasn’t lying about the heat.

Why would you send me the beginning of a knock-knock joke with no joke? she asks.

I thought I’d think of the rest of it in the moment. I know that’s dumb. It just felt like we were maybe in a zone there and I wanted to keep it going.

Relax. I’m not going to strike you out for one ill-conceived knock-knock joke.

What about two?

I wouldn’t test your luck, MJ counsels, still smiling.

She can see that he’s composing a reply, but she beats him to it: I was thinking about what you said about destiny. Actually, what you said about the opposite of destiny, the thing about the human element.

And?

She can practically sense his tension as she holds her phone in her hand.

I think it’s a good thought. That two people can still make a relationship theirs.

Ned said something to me today.

How unusual.

Shut up, Peter quips back. He said that confirming you’re somebody’s soulmate is like the last big step.

Oh?

Yeah, I think he’s totally wrong.

So do I.

Replying that way felt like a huge leap and yet, MJ took it. It doesn’t take long after that for her to start getting tired, blinking long and slow until she’s only opening her eyes when her phone vibrates against her fingers. Peter says he’s tired too and they wrap the conversation up. There’s a suggestion of seeing each other at school the next day. It shouldn’t have any special meaning―it’s a throwaway farewell, less than a promise―but she reacts to it with her last bit of focus. See you in the morning, are her exact words.

She cranes her phone out over the side of her bed with her arm, then lets it go just a little too far from the floor. Probably fine, though it clatters against the surface. Protected by the night and her closed eyes, MJ feels around inside her mind, looking for the taut tug-of-war rope that should be telling her that, one, she doesn’t want to meet with Peter because he’s probably her soulmate and soulmates are a lie and a scam, and two, that she does want to meet with Peter because he has a cute smile that he shows her even when she doesn’t give him much reason to. Then she thinks about how much she prefers first steps to last steps.

―

He could be a clone. He could be a clone in a programmed world, living his programmed life the same every day, but with, like, fake memories that fool him into believing in variety. Because he does believe in it. Today, Peter wakes up and change seems possible.

There’s snow on the ground outside and he has to get his socks on before putting his feet on the floor and he’s eating his breakfast too slowly and the way his aunt and Happy are dressed says it’s still spring. Peter asks about rain. May says, “Any time now,” and keeps reading the paperwork she has folded open on the table as she scratches absently at her arm.

“Amazing,” Peter replies, meaning it, as he picks up his bowl and slurps the rest of his cereal until milk runs down his chin.

His aunt glances up to give him a funny look. He’s pretty sure it’s not about the milk, but there’s no time to ask. If he hurries, he’ll leave ahead of his usual schedule, thanks to this new breakfast hack. He wants to get to school. School is such a great place to be.

Peter races out of the apartment and down the stairs like he’s 10 minutes late instead of 3 minutes early. It’s in the building’s entryway that he gets a feeling. Four feet from the glass door that he sees her standing on the sidewalk, snow she can’t feel partway up her mostly-bare legs. Pushing the door open when she quits looking away down the street and stares straight back at him instead. When MJ smiles, Peter smiles back. It could be a life-changing moment, or it might just be a reflex. Because they started to let each other in, he’ll probably never know the answer. Anyway, why does there only have to be one?

“I’ve been waiting,” she says. “I thought you’d be down sooner.”

He laughs self-deprecatingly.

“I tend to cut my timing kinda close in the morning. You wanna get going?” Peter jerks his head to the side.

“Yeah, we should. You’re probably getting cold just standing there.”

With his timing slightly off, they’re ahead of schedule for the bus he’s usually running to catch, so they decide to walk up to the next stop. As they approach the intersection, the light changes to yellow.

“We can beat it if we run,” Peter suggests, trying not to strangle himself by catching his scarf as he hikes his backpack higher on his shoulders.

But MJ goes, “Wait,” so urgently that he stops at the corner.

“What is it?”

“I thought I just…” With a puzzled expression, she extends her hand, palm up. Not towards Peter, but away from him. “…felt a raindrop.”

They lock eyes.

“You want my coat?” he offers. MJ smiles again.

“I’ll let you know.”

#my writing #spideychelleweek2k20 #spideychelle #spideychelle fanfiction #spideychelle fic #peter parker #peter x mj #peter x michelle #peter parker x michelle jones #michelle jones #May Parker #happy hogan #may parker x happy hogan #ned leeds #betty brant #ned leeds x betty brant #nettypot

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