#fell in love with those i heard of but never been too hyped about them

[whats-rambled-rambled]

Every year, for a few days, these spaces fill up with live music, colours and laughter. The universal language connects us all, and leaves our throats and our feet sore, our minds at peace, and our hearts soaring. I can't wait to be a part of this again next year. Thank you Ostrava - extraordinary, as always!

[xsaltburnx]

Don't leave me

Comforting Farleigh after Felix's death

Farleigh Start x female reader

a/n: I really wanted to write this because I feel like Farleigh needed someone to comfort him and tell him everything's going to be alright after he got yelled at and he definitely deserved better, poor baby, (also that's what I think the scene is about, if I got it wrong, sorry)

warning: Felix dying, swearing, everybody treating Farleigh like shit, drugs, Farleigh crying a lot

word count: 3,299

You have known Farleigh for as long as you can remember. He's always been there for you. Your rock, your shoulder to cry on, someone who knew all of your secrets and all your problems, always ready to help you. Even if it was 4 pm or 4 am, you called and he was there.

And you were always there for him. Even though most of the times you two were on different continents and hours and miles away from each other, you never let something like that ruin what you two had. Then things started getting a lot easier because Farleigh came to live in England and since then you were inseperable. Yes, you did spend quite some time at Saltburn even when Farleigh wasn't here because you were really good friends with Felix and then later met Venetia, who you've clicked with just like that. Yes, sometimes they had their own opinion on Farleigh and sometimes you hated the way they talked about him but he somehow learned how to shake that off and not take it too seriously, so you did exactly that even though deep down it hurt to listen.

When you joined Oxford university, you and Farleigh became even closer and you eventually fell in love with him. You kept it a secret for quite some time because you were afraid to talk about your feelings because you didn't want to lose him. He was your home and you weren't planning on losing that, but luckily he felt the same and that was it. He was everything you always wanted and you swore you would never let him go or do anything that would harm him or let him battle his problems alone. No fucking way.

Everything was going great. You finished another year at Oxford, celebration obviously planned there and then later at Saltburn. Summer was about to begin and you had a feeling this summer was going to be one to remember. And oh boy it was.. but for very different reasons.

"Hey baby." Farleigh walked into your dorm, closing the door behind him, his arms immedistely wrapping around your body, hugging you from behind. "Did you finish packing?" He aks gently as he looked around the room, your clothes still splatered across the floor and your bed, messier than the first night you came here.

"Shut up." You playfully hit his arm as you heard him chuckle in your ear, his lips connecting with the top of your head in a gentle kiss. "I still have so much to do, I'll never make it in time."

"Yes you will, I'll wait for you, you know I'm not leaving." He spun you around, his hands resting on your waist as he pulled you closer and hugged you tightly, one of those as you called them grizly bear hugs.

"Then help me pack?" You batted your eyelashes at him and made a pouty face, hoping it would work.

"Oh no, that's not fair, don't do that, you know I can't resis that face" He said and kissed your lips swiftly, his fingers tucking a strand of hair behind your ear. "Of course I'll help."

"Is anybody else coming with us?" You asked while folding your t-shirts, placing them neatly inside your suitcase.

"Oliver fucking Quick." Farleigh trailed off.

"What?" You quickly turned around to look at him, unsure if you heard that correctly. You obviously didn't like him, I mean Fekix though he was a very inspiring person but you and Farleigh? You didn't get the hype and always held him on his toes.

"Yeah, Felix invited him. I don't know why, something about him not wanting to go home because of his parents."

"Do Elspeth and James know that?" You asked, crossing your arms.

"Yes, apparently Elspeth is extremely excited to meet him. That'll be interesting." Farleigh closed one of your bags and placed it on his shoulder. "Damn, what do you have in here, rocks?"

"Very funny, no, all the vibrators you gave me." You said, laughing, seriousness washed over his face.

"Oh really?" He dropped the bag on the floor and grabbed your waist, hoisting your body up on his shoulder, his large hand smacking you on the ass. Your laugh echoed throughout the room, probably audible outside too, but that's how Farleigh always wanted you to be. Such beautiful laughter, it was like music to his ears, like daisies adorning a beautiful meadow. He gently put you down on the bed and laid on top of you, his thumb caressing your soft cheek.

"I love you." He whispered, a special kind of sparkle in his eyes, a smile plastered on his face.

"I love you too, Farleigh." His hot breath washed over your face, his lips slightly brushed yours before he kissed you gently, a moment of bliss before the big storm.

~ ° * ° ~

Summer at Saltburn? Always crazy and busy, but the busy part? Partying and laying out on the freshly cut grass or swimming in the pool. That was all you did there every summer. Not a bad life, you always thought to yourself, but sometimes it was nice to go back to reality and to a real life.You'd be lying if you said you didn't get used to this kind of life, the glamour, the dinner parties, dressing up,it was quite fun to a certain point. When it was too much, you and Farleigh packed your bags and left for a week or two, all alone, away from all of it. But to someone, this life was inviting them in more and more as each day passed.

And then the Cattons decided to throw Oliver a birthday party. 200 people? 300? You lost count. I mean if it's a party then it's a great idea, but for the entire night Farleigh had a very strange feeling about everything that night. He watched Oliver just skulk around almost every room in the house, people not paying too much attention to him. Most of them only knew him as "the birthday boy" but only a few of them knew his actual name. There was something strange about him, Farleigh always kept an eye on him.

...and he was right...

Around 11 am you felt someone shaking your body, trying to wake you up. You opened your eyes and saw Farleigh standing in front of you and you immediately knew something was wrong. His eyes were wide and his hands were shaking, his mannerisms completely different than how he usually is.

"What is it?" You asked and instantly sat up on the bed, fear in your eyes and in your voice, your heart suddenly picking up its pace, a sudden wave of ringing filling up your ears.

"Felix is missing." Farleigh trailed off.

"What?" You quickly got up and didn't even bother to put on shoes. You ran outisde and saw Venetia in the water, walking around, waving her hands underwater. You ran towards her with Farleigh, both of you joining her, hoping he's not in here and that he's fine. Then you heard a gut wrenching scream coming from the maze. You looked at Farleigh and instantly felt tears well up in your eyes. You shook your head and walked as quickly as possible to the edge, climbed and got up, the three of you running towards the maze.

You knew the maze like the back of your hand so it was easy to get to the center, but at that moment you wish that you could just get lost in there because what you all saw was something you would never be able to forget as it was buried inside you mind very deeply.

Felix was laying there on his stomach, golden wings still attached to his back. His body a pale colour, almost a hint of blue, his beautiful eyes now without that incredible spark that you got so used to seeing. His lifeless body was something you never thought you would have to see in your life nor did you want to but for some reason you couldn't look away.

Venetia, you and Farleigh fell to your knees, grasping onto one another, looking for comfort as tears just started coming out, the pain in your chest unlike anything you've ever experienced before. It was as if someone ripped out your heart, a huge hole right in the middle of your chest. Your ears started ringing and you felt like you were going to pass out. You suddenly felt like you weren't on this planet anymore, completely disoriented and if Farleigh and Venetia weren't grasping onto your body, you don't know how you would have dealt with this alone. You let out a loud scream, your chest convulsing from all the sobs that kept coming out of your body.

You don't know how or when you got up, left the maze and changed your clothes or when on earth did everybody gather for lunch, but there you were, sitting at the table with James, Elspeth, Venetia, Farleigh, oh and yes, of course, Oliver.

The curtains shut as the room plunged into darkness, making it look red like blood, not a hint of daylight. It somehow looked terrifying and gruesome, very unpleasant. You were sitting next to Farleigh, his face kind of emotionless as he kept staring at the table, not moving his gaze from the same spot. You reached out to him, grabbing his hand and squeezing it, making him snap out of his thoughts, a sob suddenly falling from his lips. On your left was an empty chair and an empty plate. Felix's spot and when you first walked in and saw it, you broke down again.

Suddenly there was a hint of a squeaking gurney on the outside, meaning they were passing the window with Felix's body and then there was a sound of doors closing. A tear rolled down your cheek as you closed your eyes, your hand suddenly slipping away from Farleigh's.

"Oh my God... May I be excused, please?" Farleigh whimpered and got up from the table, his cheeks stained with tears.

"No. We haven't finished lunch." James replied, not even looking at Farleigh.

"Lunch is cold. You want me just eat it like nothing is happening?"

"What else is there to do, darling?" Elspeth looked at him, sadness noticable in her eyes.

"Anything! Anything-" You looked at him as he screamed out, a whimper escaping your lips as tears started falling from your eyes again. The pain was unbearable and seeing Farleigh like that broke your heart and how everybody acted like nothing ever happened, like Farleigh was the only one who actually cared and the only one who saw how messed up it was that everybody was acting like this. James slammed his fists on the table, the plates clattering. You jumped, your body shook from fear, the sudden change in tone almost too much.

"Farleigh! Will you be quiet?! Sit down and eat the bloody pie! Just eat it! Eat it and shut up! Eat the bloody pie!"

Farleigh sat down and grabbed his fork, placing the pie in his mouth but unable to chew through the meat. Small pieces flew out of his mouth and onto the plate, a tear rolling down his cheek.

"You're not the only person here with feelings. None of us wants your bloody American feelings!" James trailed off and suddenly there was silence inside the room. You didn't even try to put anything in your mouth because you felt like you were going to throw up.

"I think it’s delicious." Oliver suddenly said, Farleigh snapping at him.

"What the fuck are you still doing here?" you look at Oliver and his expression and there was nothing on his face. Like he didn't care. You wiped away your tears and placed your hands in your lap.

"Wait, does no one else find it weird?.. No one else finds that weird?"

"Farleigh.." you whispered and placed your hand on top of his, your fingers grazing his in a comforting way.

"I wouldn’t throw stones if I was you, Farleigh." Oliver replied in a strict tone, a fork in his hand.

"Excuse me?"

"Please stop." Venetia sighed and said quietly.

"What is he saying?" James asked and looked at Oliver.

"I..I've no idea." Farleigh said, clearly confused what Oliver wanted to get with all of this.

"What I'm saying is that I'd feel guilty too."

"Guilty?"

"If I was the one racking up lines the night someone died."

"Fuck you." Farleigh stared back at him, cursing, only hate for Oliver in his body at that very moment.

"That's not a denial." Oliver replied as he leaned forward a little bit, his gaze moving between you and Farleigh.

"You took it too far, Oliver." You interrupted them, defending Farleigh.

"Is that true?" James asked, pale with fury. He looked towards Duncan signaling him to leave. "Search Farleigh's room."

"No." Farleigh crumpled into his chair and started sobbing. Now you were a little bit scared. Your eyes widened, not surely understanding what they were going to do about this situation. Seeing and hearing what was happening was making the situation even harder. You couldn't take your eyes off Farleigh and when you saw tears continuously welling up in his eyes, you couldn't help but start sobbing as well. Your heart was breaking.

"Get out." Sir James said angrily.

"Please, he didn't do anything.." You looked at Sir James, begging, trying to make him see that it really wasn't his fault and that he had nothing to do with all of this. Of course he didn't believe you, he didn't even acknowledge you.

"No, wait-" Farleigh whimpered and wiped away his tears with the sleeves of his jumper.

"What's happening?" Elspeth asked after wiping her mouth eith a linen cloth.

"Aunt Elspeth- Elspeth-" he said desperately but got interrupted by James.

"Don’t you dare look at her!"

Elspeth looked liked she was now ignoring Falreigh, not wanting to look at him at all. Could she ever look at him again after this? Who knows.

"Get out!"

Farleigh looked around the table, searching for somebody to look at him, to see they were making a mistake but no one looked at him except for you. Not even Oliver. He got up your hand slipped off, hanging next to your body. Your lip trembled at the sudden empty feeling, your head hung low as you kept staring at your fingers. Farleigh grabbed onto the chair, picking at the stitching.

"I won't mention this to the police. That's all you get. Nothing more. Ever again." James trailed off and that was the last thing you heard from him that night. Farleigh turned to the side and left the room, leaving you alone with the Cattons and Oliver. You wiped away your tears with the back of your hand.

"You didn't have to do this. It wasn't his fault." You snapped back at Oliver, his eyes quickly looking back at you. A hidden smirk adorned his face, a sinnister look in his eyes.

"You know he did it. He was racking up lines the whole night. Felix could've taken whatever Farleigh was using." Oliver replied, his plate now half empty. "Even when you two were fucking outside. It was like a freak show."

"Fuck you." You quickly got up and threw the linen clot on the table, your legs feeling like jello. "If you'll excuse me, I can't be in the room with someone who cares more about a fucking stranger than a member of this family."

You turned around on your heels and walked out of the room. The second you closed the doors, you let out the biggest sob, a long hallway making it echo throughout the house. You felt like you were falling apart from the inside out.

You stood outside Farleigh's room as you quietly knocked on the door, only a quiet sob audible. You silently opened the door and what you saw broke your heart completely. Farleigh was laying on the floor, his knees pulled towards his body, his arms wrapped around them as loud sobs fell from his lips.

You looked around his room and saw how big of a mess it was. Everything was scattered on the floor. His clothes, his books, all of his belongings on the floor. You bit your lip in hopes it would stop you from crying, but it didn't help.

You walked over to his sobbing figure and knelt down, your arms immediately wrapping around his body.

"Farleigh... baby.." you whispered, his body shaking.

"They think I killed him." He whispered through his cries, his tears soaking the carpet underneath him. "I didn't do it." His cries kept getting louder and it was harder for you to stay quiet because you couldn't stand him being like this, broken, like he didn't mean anything to anybody. Like it was all his fault. You wanted to fix everything and make it all okay for him because that's exactly what he deserved. He deserved better and to be treated right.

"No, Farleigh, you didn't do it. It's not your fault, please don't think that. You didn't kill Felix." You told him, your hands caressing his arms, comforting him, hoping it would help him even just a little bit.

"Now I feel like I did." He cried out, his face now buried in his hands.

"Hey, come here." You grabbed his arm and gently pulled him, moving his hands from his face. You intertwined your fingers with his and helped him sit up, his knees once more pulled towards his body. You wiped away his tears with your thumbs, gently caressing his cheeks before you cupped his face, making him look at you directly in your eyes.

"You didn't do it, why would you think that? Because of Oliver?" He just nooded and closed his eyes, a single tear rolling down his cheek. It felt like someone was sitting on your chest, the pressure and the pain in your heart from seeing Farleigh like this was unbearable.

"Fuck him, Farleigh. He's a nobody, a fucking leech and if I could get rid of him, I would. You're so much more than all of this. You deserve everything in this world and if they can't see it, fuck 'em." You trailed off, tears welling up in your eyes and your voice breaking every other word.

"Everybody is leaving me, pushing me away like I mean nothing." He sobbed and quickly got up as he started pacing around his room, his cries so loud that it seemed like he was fighting for air. You jumped up and stood there in place for a few seconds, somehow unable to move.

"Are you also going to leave me?" His voice cracked and right then he looked like a little kid. You dare to say that he looked absolutely defeated. "Please don't leave me."

A loud cry fell from your lips, his words hurting you, hurting how he thought that you would actually leave him after everything. You shook your head and practically ran towards him, your body smashing into his

You wrapped your arms around him tightly, your face buried in his chest as you sobbed quietly. His arms squeezed you, almost as if he was afraid if he held you lightly or if he let you go, you would somehow slip away.

"I will never leave you, Farleigh. I could never. You're a part of me and if I lose you, I'll lose myself. Please don't ever think that I would leave you." He kissed the top of your head, one hand still wrapped around your body while the other gently caressed your hair.

"Now let's get out of here. Okay?" You kissed him on the lips gently, his arms resting on your hips. You had to get out of this house, had to get away from Saltburn as soon as possible. The only good thing about all of this? Farleigh by your side.

"Okay."

[folkloresthings]

PRIDE AND PREJUDICE — send a muse + a song and i’ll write a little drabble for it. !!!!! pls i beg for a lando & afterglow by miss swift

lando + taylor is my dream every night.

AFTERGLOW. ❨ lando norris x reader ❩

✩⡱ warnings: some cursing

it was too often said that formula one drivers were hot—headed, rash, quick to snap without thinking of the consequences. it was said, because it was true.

lando didn’t fit the stereotype. he was sweet and gentle and always good to you. he didn’t like to take his work stress out on you, but when you were at the paddock with him, trying to help him calm down in his drivers room before the race, it was difficult not to snap.

“it’s going to be fine,” you cooed, helping him into his race suit. qualifying and his practice race hadn’t been good. the car was slow, the strategy was poor, and lando wasn’t at his best. but he could still turn it around — that was all you were trying to convince him of.

“jesus, just give me some space!” the english boy snapped, grabbing the buttons of his suit from you and hastily finishing them off. “your pep talks don’t fucking work — i’ll still do shit today, with or without you.”

you fell silent. you hadn’t realised how sensitive he’d been today, and maybe you should have. he always liked you to hype him up before a race, calm his nerves and assure him he was the best. today was a different story.

lando, too in his head to realise what he’d said, only realised he’d done wrong when he heard the door open and close, and you were gone. hurrying out of the mclaren garage, sniffling and self—conscious. lando groaned, head in his hands.

“fucks sake.”

he had fucked up, and it only made his concentration during the race worse. ending somewhere around P10, but he didn’t care anymore. all he cared about was finding you and apologising. praying and hoping that he hadn’t ruined things completely.

he found you back in his drivers room, probably the one place with privacy that you could stay. you were sat in the corner, back to the wall, eyes red raw with the tears that had been shed.

lando hated himself instantly, shutting the door and rushing to kneel in front of you. your hands were locked tight across your chest, so he settled for resting his palms on your knees, freezing when you flinched away from him.

“i’m sorry. god, i’m so sorry,” he murmured, your eyes not meeting his. “i shouldn’t have snapped at you like that. you were only trying to help, and i was a dick.”

you didn’t dare speak, unsure of what to say. you were hurt and annoyed, but you loved him so much. one look into those eyes and you knew you’d melt.

“please don’t leave me,” lando whispers, afraid of his own words. “just… just tell me we’ll be fine, and i’ll spend the rest of my life making it up to you.”

you couldn’t help it then, to melt into his arms, letting him hold you as close as he could. still muttering apologies into your hair, lando swears he’ll never let himself hurt you again. he can’t risk losing you, not when he knows how good the other side can be.

[prof-ramses]

Horror Lingers in Hope

So, this is my first proper SM ficlet, and it's Roy angst because of course it is. I wrote this about a month ago, but refined it since and am posting to get extra hype going for the impending release of HS!

TW: Nothing explicit, but there is reference to past CSA, as should be expected from a Roy angst fic.

Roy was honestly surprised when his parents let him invite not only Susie, but Ross and Robert over. He was obviously glad, it just seemed a bit sudden. "Man, this place rocks, Roy!" Robert said as he looked around the lavish living room. "Heh, yeah, it does." was all Roy could muster, it was nice to not worry about anything for a bit, just enjoying a day with the people who mattered. "Now try coming here for dates all the time." Susie chirped, "With this fine specimen." She playfully tugged at Roy's cheek and got a little chuckle out of him. “So, being the great host I am,” Roy half-joked, “I wanted to ask; What do you guys want to do?” “Wait, you said you were writing a song, right? Can we hear it?” Again, Ross’s question took Roy a little off guard, it’s not that he didn’t like the attention, I was just something he wasn’t used to, at least not in this way. “Only, and I mean only, if  you promise not to make fun of how cheesy it is.” Which it was, a ballad he was working on for Susie, he’d never admit it, but it started as a birthday present he didn’t finish in time.Before he could get too lost in his thoughts, Susie butted in, “AND if you promise not to get jealous of his singing voice.” “Oh, yeah” Ross joined in, “I don’t think I’ve heard you sing, man.“ “Then you’re missing out. Trust me.” “Why are you saying that like I’M the talented one?” “Roy, you’ve heard me sing, you know which one of us has that kind of talent!” “I know, I know, you’re just a lot of fun to mess with.” And without missing a beat, Susie responded to her boyfriend the exact way he expected from her and loved her for, “Yep, we’re really in sync like that.”

That was when Roy's mother poked around the corner "Does anyone want anything? I've been meaning to try some new smoothie recipes." "Nope, but thanks for the offer, Mrs. L." Ross responded for the group, he really had a way of reading the room.

Just then there was a knock at the front door *knock--knock* Roy's hearing suddenly clouded as he heard his father in the next room say "Ah, on time for once." Suddenly everything seemed darker, everyone turned to him. Their mouths didn't seem to move, yet he could hear them, in unison "Go on Reynold, answer it." He suddenly found himself right in front of that door, the knock came again, faster *knock-knock* Roy felt something in his hand, nevermind the fact that it hadn't moved. The door opened and there he was. "Hey little man. Long time no see."

Suddenly Susie entered from Roy's peripheral vision approaching that monster, a calm, accepting smile on her face, yet her eyes full of tears, pleading through acceptance. "Thanks for this little number, Roy. Still not quite on par with those 2 treats you got me a few years back." "No-NO, NO! You're dead, you died that Halloween! You're gone! GONE!" Even with the door open, that knocking persisted *knockknock-knockknock "Thanks again, kiddo." He said as he wrapped his arm around Susie's. Her voice sounded so peaceful as she said; “Don’t worry, Roy. This is how it was always going to be.”. "You've done wonders for you're dear uncle." His voice rang out as the knocking turned into a near constant drone of beating against Roy’s mind. He tried to reach out, to pull Susie away, to do ANYTHING. But he couldn’t, he ran faster and faster, but with every step he felt like something was pulling him down.

Roy damn near fell out of his bed when he lurched forward as he awoke in a frigid sweat. The quiet of the night and the air around him feeling like a gentle hand on his shoulder telling him to leave that horror behind. Telling him to leave it behind in the exact way he couldn't leave it behind. Not alone. But he already told Ross and Robert everything, they'd already helped as much as they could. There wasn't a snowball's chance in hell he could tell dad, not yet. Mom, maybe, at least she wouldn't feel betrayed be her own blood. And Susie… how would he even start telling her? It didn’t matter, he had to tell them... Soon, sometime soon....

[i-sveikata]

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-

You have no idea how immersed I was in this chapter. I'm still slightly shaking from all the emotions- just finished reading.

Even though I knew what should happen I still was so anxious about every next sentence!! I love you so much for keeping those scenes that most of us fell in love with in the series! Exact scenes and lines 🖤 The pool scene!!! (Although I'm so thankful that you left out "I'm hungry" 😂)

Really, reading Vegas's misery after only seeing adds up to a whole miserable image. Why can't these unhinged bastards have any peace for a moment!? I cried again reading how Pete had broken down so bad - I would too.

I did notice you left out the L-bomb Vegas said originally and I was secretly waiting for Pete to say that 👀 But ok, I can wait. They can do it in their own time not pressured by the necessity of events happening around them.

And the cliffhanger!! I knew there would be one but this kind? 🥲

I'm still thankful it's over now. The tension is not gone but bearable.

Chan ❤️ His death is what I couldn't forgive in the series so I'm glad he is ok.

And the ring!!! Omg! I really hope it stays on him or I will throw my hands on who may take it away!! It's almost like proposing 😅

I really loved how you managed to sneak so many fond and hot interactions between them while the world seemed to be on fire. But it works so well for them ❤️‍🔥

Anyway, I'm dead.

Thank you so much for this! Love you 🥺

omg i cant believe it made you feel that much thats insane and makes me so happy to hear! lol yeah i did keep a lot of the core from the show and some of the translated lines but yeah the hungry part did not fit for the vibe of this fic because i never went into the pet/master version of the story because that really didnt interest me tbh.

oh yeah that was also intentional!! i wanted it to be in a less high stakes moment especially because most of the time the both of them are arguing/trying to leverage the other person's feelings and attractions against the other during the fight. like throwing in a love bomb in there would have felt too disingenuous (and im so sure that pete wouldnt have fully trusted it if vegas had)

yeah im sorry about that one i couldnt resist!!! just felt so funny to me the idea that pete spends his whole time worried about vegas- so hyped up on adrenaline that he doesnt even realise he himself has been shot. but i promise he'll be okay!! he'll totally recover faster than vegas thats for sure.

omg hahahaha yeah i literally noped out of that plot point. dead chan? never heard of the concept.

yessssss the ring!!! so much of vegas staking his claim on pete in really obvious ways- he is not holding back at all now that he's noticed pete's actions changing towards him. and its going to be really interesting when the other realise that pete is wearing the ring.

hahahahahahaha LITERALLY but like was so fun and amusing at the same time somehow? like i guess murder and the world being on fire makes them horny gahefjagkhflgsghj

ahhh youre so welcome! love you right back :)

[noogit9000]

Not sure how many tcw songs you've heard but I saw ur post asking for recommendations so here's some of my favs

Little soldiers: I've never been more insane about a song than this song ever. I cant. I cannot. This. This song. I'm so normal about this I swear. Go listen to it if you've haven't

Easier: This one's another one of my favourite of all times. Very sweet and kinda sad. Love it to pieces

Take me to war: !!!! Loved this one even from the first time listening. Songs that make you wanna tear something up. Chew on the furniture. Very funny trivia is that this song is supposingly about arguing with people on the internet despite sounding like it fits a feral fairie biting at god better

Tongues and teeth: Pretty sure if you've done any amount of exploring for ctw songs you've probs heard of this one but it Is Good. Like maybe a bit overrated but you cannot deny it's a good song

And some more obscure songs if you wanna dig a little further

Sleeping giants: songs that make you wanna go barefoot and sprint through the woods at night while howling. Wonderful song. Fell in love the first time hearing it

Rockslide: I like to think of this song as Sleeping Giants's slightly more energetic sister. If rockslide was the hyped-up start of a midnight hunt then sleeping giants would be the victorious whoops as you sprint down the hills with your prize in tow. Do not seperate them.

Strangler fig: okay maybe I just like this song cause it hits a little too close to home but it's also an earworm. Something something to be bitter about being used up or being taken advantage of. Cursing those who have taken you for granted

Ancient history: MY GOD THIS ONE IS GOOD. GOOD GOOD SHIT. WONDERFUL SONG. it's short but so so good. Everyone should listen to this song at least once if not only for that one line "my body's aching like a knock-down drag-out"

Volta: it took me a while to find this song but!!!! It's a very good and sweet song. Something very comforting and happy, which is rare for tcw songs considering how roughly 60% of their songs have something to do with unhappy relationships and the other 30% is just Feral Fae Vibes™

It's a bit of a long list ahaha ^^; but I hope you enjoy the songs!!!!! I'm holding back even more highly recommend songs cause if I named them all we'd be here forever but!!!! If you're interested in more I'm always happy to shoot you another ask with more recommendations :DDD enjoy listening!

I’ve never listened to the Crane Wives before now so I went in blind;

Excellent recommendations, I’d love some more since you mentioned you have more >:]

I haven’t really listened to a lot of the indie folk genre but I’m getting Hades Town/Wolfwalkers vibes and I love it.

I want to go run around in the woods

Delicious

Thank you Anon <3

[astrobei]

Hello Suni astrobei. For end of year asks, I ask you 2 and 12

hi abby strangeswift !! ok so i got a couple asks for 2 so i’m going to answer that one elsewhere so i can focus my full attention on Gushing !

12. talk about a new friend you made this year

ok i’m about to get seriously so sappy so if you don’t feel like reading through all this feel free to Leave (no hard feelings LOL)

i’m someone who has a pretty small social circle irl so i never thought i’d meet so many wonderful ppl this year, and definitely not online and definitely not because i started writing fanfiction again LOL like if u told january suni this she’d look at u like 👁👁 on a more serious note though this year was insane for me. so much changed really quickly in my life and i’m so beyond grateful that amidst all the chaos i was led to all of u guys ! literally if we’ve had even one conversation on here there’s a very high chance i’ve referred to u as a friend irl so. do with that what u will.

abby and ella (@elekinetic) and sierra (@finalgirlbyers) i want u guys to know that i treasure u all So Much. like even if our convos are sporadic or if we talk exclusively through asks ur presence on my dash brings me so much joy and i look forward to each post u make and each message and each ask and each incoherent ramble in the tags !! i don’t have Favorite Mutuals but if i did it would be u guys because it’s insane how much i light up seeing ur urls ! i hope 2023 brings so many more wonderful interactions w u guys, u rly make my mindless scrolling on tumblr 100x more fun

yvie @nnilkyway HELLO i am so so beyond grateful i met them this year ! what a strange stroke of luck too bc i was so obsessed w their art before we met and hearing him say he was a big fan of my work was like. mind boggling. anyways yvie is literally one of the funniest people i have ever met in my life oh my god it’s so rare for me to find people whose sense of humor just Clicks with mine but like. four messages in and we were sending each other memes and becoming best friends and it was fantastic! i have never once felt weird or intimidated talking to them which is crazy for me, a person who feels weird and intimidated a Lot, and also need i reiterate his INSANE TALENT !! like holy shit ! my go to person for talking about gf mike wheeler or mitski or literally just anything and everything. yvie if you’re reading this i am putting u in my pocket and holding u so close. mwah. also we are married, btw. if anyone cares.

haven @bookinit02 OK. you all have heard me gush about haven a million and one times on this blog and i’m sure you’ve seen her gush about me because she’s (rightfully) obsessed with me (/j. kind of) but haven was the first friend i ever made in the byler community which is so so beyond insane to me. i fell in love with her writing so instantaneously and you guys should’ve been there to see my reaction when i saw her leave her first comment on my fic. literally screamed it was so embarrassing 😭 we talked exclusively through ao3 comments for a while because she’d yell every time i updated ihcisc and i’d yell every time she updated her season 2 rewrite and then one day she dm’d me asking me to make a twt to add me to a byler gc and the rest was History. anyways haven is one of the most talented most creative people i’ve ever met BUT she’s also one of the sweetest and most compassionate people on the face of this planet and deserves nothing but good things always ! she’s one of those people that i need to talk to every day or i’ll go insane and i love how our convos can speedrun the entire human spectrum of emotions within like. 5 minutes. she’s so incredibly supportive and my #1 hype girl and she has the freaky ability to entirely turn my mood around on a bad day in less than 20 seconds. she literally managed to sleuth around and find my venmo just to send me soup money. if i could buy her Everything then i literally would. i would eat cilantro for her. i would watch the mlvn makeout scene for her. i would get my socks wet for her. literally i would do anything for her and i can’t wait until i see her in june and i chase her in circles around the airport and then we kiss👩🏼‍❤️‍💋‍👩🏽 and we Hug so tight and platonically 🫂

thea @wiseatom u already know. i tell her every day that i would do literally anything she asked of me and it’s true! literally 2 minutes ago she said “suni u should dye ur hair green” and for a moment i seriously considered it. anyways thea is objectively the funniest fucking person i have ever met in my life and is also my twin. if my twin were blond and taller and also a different age. in all seriousness though thea feels like the world’s most insane older sister to me and as an Actual older sister i’m really loving the feral little sibling treatment. she’s so insane easy to talk to (probably bc our brains work in the exact same way) and Oozes talent from literally every single cell in her body. she sends me a snippet of her work and i spend the next 10 minutes rolling on the floor trying not to SCREAM. there are so few people who can make me laugh as much as she does but also turn me into a blubbering mess of a baby with her Evil Cruel Prose 2 seconds later but thea wiseatom has been put on this planet to achieve the impossible. i have rarely felt so seen as i do when i talk to her, whether it’s for advice or Wallowing or complaining about our disproportionately large heads together, she is so kind and supportive and one of my favorite people Ever. i can’t believe the universe put her 3000 miles away from me because i Need to be a menace to her in person but we’ll make it work. every day i say goodnight to her at 8 pm my time and then say good morning to her at 2 am my time and then i go to bed <3 thea if you’re reading this (and u better be. i tagged u) i hope u know that u are the light of my life and i am packing my bindle as we speak to begin the cross country trek. mwah.

@andiwriteordie ANDI ! i miss talking to u every day but u are so busy with ur big girl job and cranking out quality fics at light speed so i’ll give u a pass 😔 andi is literally a legend in the byler fic community so when i found out she Knew Who I Was,,, i died. i literally died. even when we haven’t talked in a while i love how we can pick up a convo like nothing has changed or send posts that remind us of each other or go crazy apeshit in each others tags like there’s no tomorrow !! andi is so so inspirational to me, she is so kind and creative and full of positivity (even if her writing is mean and full of Sadness and Misery. still haven’t forgiven u for descent, btw) she feels like my other older sister and she has such an insane way with words that i will never understand ! thank u for singlehandedly keeping byler tumblr going, i hope 2023 is so kind to u and u get ultra promoted and have so much fun at the eras tour like u deserve <3

moon aka @smoosnoom omg ok not only is moon so crazy talented but she is such! a sweet person! back when i started writing for byler she was such an enigma to me, an ao3 user and a total Mystery, so i never expected us to actually talk and now! here we are! she is so uplifting and supportive and i’ve loved getting to know her over the past few months, whether it’s bonding over our shared hatred (affectionate. mostly) of finn wolfhard or bawling our eyes out to everything everywhere (oh my god.) seeing her comment on my first fic literally made my heart stop dead in my chest. she has such a gift for making everyone feel so immediately accepted and welcome in any space, and i will spend the rest of my life stewing in anger that she’s taller than me. that feels extremely, unfathomably illegal. anyway moon if ur reading this (and u also better be! bc i tagged u!!) i hope the new year is so good to u <3 mwah ily

[whatisreggieshortfor]

Overheard

For @lucolestead

Bobby x MC

God, they were roommates.

It was a thought that entered Bobby’s head often, usually because he had to correct people that thought Rose was his girlfriend. Good lord, did he wish. But no. They were only roommates.

There were so many things about Rose that he adored. She didn’t fight, always playing peace maker when someone had a problem. She was funny, always making him laugh about the dumbest things that probably wouldn’t have made sense to other people, like they had a million different inside jokes. She laughed at his jokes just as much. She took care of their flat. He wasn’t messy, refused to be a hard to live with kind of roommate, but she would clean up anything he might have forgotten about or do his baking dishes when he was running late even though she knew he would get to them as soon as he got home. She was always honest. Even when her best mates would wear a dress that was a color that washed out their skin tone, he would see her gently suggest a dress she owned that she thought would suit them better. If they did go for it, she was okay with letting them keep it. If they didn’t, she hyped them up in what they were wearing.

But it was her honesty that led to his undoing on his stance of just roommates.

Bobby had just gotten through the front door, hadn’t even shut it behind him yet, when he heard Priya’s voice echoing with her heels, “Okay, babes, I need to get back to designing this gown, but I love you and I’ll see you tonight.”

“Love you, too, babe. Send me pics when you finish! I know it’ll be gorgeous!”

The heels faltered for a second, “Babes, can I ask you an odd question?” Silence, Bobby set his things down quietly, he didn’t want to disturb them, “Why do you only ever say ‘love you’?”

“What do you mean?” He could hear the shift in Rose’s voice, the tone changing like she knew she’d been caught.

“All of us, when we exchange affections. It’s never ‘I love you’. It’s always ‘love you’. For all of us except-“

“Shh!” He heard the shuffle of heels and light skin smacking, assuming Rose shoved her hand over Priya’s mouth. “He could come home any second.”

Priya giggled, “Just explain it to me, babes. I promise no one’s offended, I’ve just been curious! Honestly, I think I’m the only who’s noticed.”

He could almost picture her shrugging, “You know I adore all of you guys. I’ve just always said that I would only say that to the person I fell for. You know how I feel about Bobby already.”

“So…when are you going to tell him how you feel?”

“Never. He’s made it clear, we’re friends. We’re roommates. I can get my feelings out this way for now, and eventually I’ll be able to move on.”

“Oh honey, we both know that won’t help you move on. You should just tell him.” He heard the heels clicking again, heading his way, so he made a show of shutting the door and letting his keys clack to the counter.

“I’m home, Lass!”

He heard a quickly muttered ‘fuck!’ before the two of them appeared from down the hall, “Hey, Bobs! How’s the bakery doing?”

“Busy as always.” He smiled, letting her ignore the awkwardness of thinking he’d overheard, even though he knew he had. “Hey, Priya.”

“Hey, Bobby,” she grinned, maybe a little widely, “I gotta get going, but you two have a good night!”

She scurried out as Rose tried to stop her, sending her a cheeky wink instead of slowing down. As soon as the door behind her, Bobby blurted out, “I’m not gonna pretend I didn’t hear you.” He watched as her face paled, hurrying to continue, “I didn’t want to say anything in front of her, but I- yeah, I heard all of that. And I’m not- Lass, I always called you my roommate and shut down those comments because I thought you didn’t want that. Not because I didn’t.” He could see the way she was processing, unsure if she should be happy or upset that he’d heard. He could see her mind working through it.

“So…you like me?” Her tone was hopeful, but tentative, like she was afraid he’d say it was a prank. God, he wished she could see how perfect she was.

“Little more than like you, Lass.” Bobby offered, “I’m not sure when I fell, but it’s been a bloody long time. Just didn’t want to be one of those daft mingers that made you uncomfortable living with me if you didn’t feel the same way.”

When her smile finally blossomed, Bobby could feel his heart thumping against his ribs. “We gonna do this then, Bobble? Proper date?”

He laughed, “Lass, I’ll do the proper wine and dine if that’s what you want. I’ll do anything for you.”

Her face scrunched, “That’s neither of our style. How about the arcade and a couple’s baking class?”

He took the few steps to be in front of her, hands reaching out carefully for her waist, “See how perfect you are? That sounds mint, Rose. Let’s do it. Tomorrow. Tonight is our weekly movie night, and I am not about to miss out on making up on lost cuddle time.” She giggled happily as he tugged her over to the couch, telling her to settle in while he changed out of his work clothes. But she refused to let go of him, stating that she’d missed far too much of her Bobby time already, even though he argued he was sweaty from being in the kitchen all day.

She won in the end.

Masterlist

@justtuesdays @sunshinejihyun

[moonmothmama]

i swear to christ i've fallen in love with Cain and Abel all over again every single time i've encountered them.

years ago when my brother recommended i read Swamp Thing, do you know what i came away from it with? i mean i enjoyed it. but what really burrowed into my brain were these two fuckin' guys from ONE scene, a dream sequence, and i knew there was more to them, i didn't know what it was referencing but i knew it was referencing something, and i had to find out what, i wanted more of them

and it's interesting because i had run into Cain and Abel before, briefly; in the tie-in comic book to Batman: the Animated Series. it was an issue about Scarecrow. on one page there was a sequence with two men talking to Professor Crane about a work release therapy thing. and it stuck out to me because, just like the Swamp Thing appearance later, i could tell it was a reference to something. i didn't understand the reference but i know how that shit goes. they were way too detailed and distinctive not to be someone. i couldn't look it up back then because like..... it was a long time ago. it's not like i could just google shit the way we can now.

anyway. i read Alan Moore's run on Swamp Thing- which predates Sandman as i later found out- at my older brother's behest, and as i said, i walked away with a burning curiosity about two characters who had appeared once in a main character's dream.

so. typical me.

and when i looked into it, i found something that fucking delighted me: that their origins were in old horror comics. that shit was RIGHT up my alley. so i dove in, and fell in love with them again. for real, i love those comics. first off the art! AUGH the old comic book art, i live for that shit. older comic book art is so gorgeous. and i love horror! i don't care that they were a lil corny. i have some of the collected volumes of House of Secrets & House of Mystery and god i wish they were in color.

anyway there was no repetitive reenactment of the first murder going on between them until Swamp Thing. they had a pretty typical mildly antagonistic sibling relationship as far as i recall (i have to go digging for my books); Cain teased Abel, and they were a bit competitive with each other, but iirc that was about as far as it went, aside from maybe a few quick gags. although, idk, would they have been doing that back then if they could've gotten away with it? hmm. food for thought.

what was i saying? right right. falling in love with Cain and Abel for the third time: watching Sandman on Netflix. by the time i heard that was gonna be a thing i already had a deeply established affection for these guys, although i'd never encountered them in the Sandman comics (the only sandman things i can remember reading are Death: The High Cost of Living & Endless Nights. if there was something else i've forgotten it). all the same, though, i was creeping on the news about it because hell, what chance am i ever gonna get to see Cain and Abel onscreen again? i mean a gal can dream. (hah) and they were a huge deciding factor in me watching.

and AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaa

they're so good i love them so much

particularly, watching this reminded me how much i enjoy Cain. is it weird that i feel a little guilty admitting that i favored Abel?? almost feel like i should apologize, lol (sorry Cain. mea culpa). but i love both of them. and i love them as a pair. and i am SO HYPED at the prospect of seeing more of them next season. PLEASE let there be more Cain and Abel next season.

[xplrvibes]

personally, i tend to dislike collabs bc if i’m subscribing to a channel, i’m interested to see the owner(s) of the channel and not the owner(s) and 15 other people. however, I don’t mind collabs if they add something to the video. something actually useful or interesting or historical, knowledge, it could even be a damn priest and i’d be like oh ok, cool, a new vision. i don’t even like or agree with what priests preach but it is something different, new, a different way to approach a thing that’s getting old already. it’s the same videos over and over again under different locations. i’d bet my two dollars those two haven’t even sat down to study a bit deeper about the paranormal world. i personally don’t mind stas or kat or amanda but honestly to me they add absolutely nothing. i actually get over annoyed with the dramatics. snc seem to get even worse when those three (or one of them) are around, they hype up their reactions, they hype up the editing, and in the end it’s two girls crying and being “traumatized” and one over religious girl who’s very good at conning but never substantially does or says anything that we haven’t heard before. seth and steve/haunted nights have their own content, know their stuff, feel things, see things, add stuff to the table and nate tries his best without overreacting or saying everything is scary and paranormal. i can deal with that. but it’s like… sam and colby. that’s the name of the channel. why am i getting the human trinkets too?

I totally hear that....collabs can be annoying, especially when it's people you don't know, or have any connection to. Sometimes, the collabs wind up working out, but sometimes they are a horrible bustaroo.

For example: I didn't enjoy when they collabed with that Summer girl during 25x25. It made no sense. She wasn't friends with them, she didn't come in with any prior experience or knowledge with drifting...it was awkward and weird and obviously set up by their (shared) management and was just pointless.

At least with the girls and Nate, they have an already built in friendship and comfortability with them, so the awkwardness isn't there.

The thing is- and maybe this is where my zen approach to the whole thing comes from- snc aren't professionals (no matter what bs they spew). They are youtubers who do ghost hunting content- partially because it entertains them, and partially because they fell into it in 2019, blew up doing it, and now their annoying ass fans won't let them try anything else. So, they kind of look at it from an entertainment perspective, more than a true paranormal perspective. They want people who will be entertaining on camera for youtube purposes, not necessarily historians.

And that sucks, because I am a fan of the history of places, and would love to hear more from the tour guides! But that isn't what the standard youtube audience is hungry for. Did you know that enough fans complained about how much history and backstory they were adding into the videos, that they decided to start cutting some of it out? The viewers were finding the backstory boring.

That's what they're up against.

Honestly- if snc continue on in the youtube space, they'll have to keep adding in elements that add a touch of that over the top entertainment style to their videos- friends that they have inside jokes with, or people who will freak out to the max over every little thing, is the easiest way to achieve that. Youtube audiences want to see friendgroups doing stupid shit, not necessarily top tier professional ghost hunting.

They are trying to do little things to innovate, in their own way. But, the old tried and true youtube tricks aren't going to go anywhere, at least not until they get that huge Netflix deal I've been joking about them stumbling into for the last year and a half.

[supportingfire]

Itto's heart feels like it's about to pound out of his chest when he sees Thoma from a distance. The weight of the box in his hands felt heavier now. It's a simple box from the outside, but it's what's inside that has the oni a bit nervous. He'd been preparing his hand-made gift for the retainer for quite some time now; He was never one to be crafty with his hands, typically swinging his claymore around was what his hands were best at. However, when Thoma's birthday drew closer, Itto knew that no simple, store-bought gift would be enough. Thoma deserved more than that. 

It takes itto a few seconds of quietly hyping himself up to finally walk up to the other with the box hidden behind his back. "Thoma!" Itto calls out to catch his attention. "I'm glad I finally found you! A little birdie told me that today is your birthday! So, of course, I have a present for you!" He extends the box out to Thoma and opens it to reveal a purple and white tassel tied with a red wood-carved oni mask charm. The carving is surprisingly quite nice; Itto had only picked up the hobby to kill time when he was bored, but he clearly devoted all his efforts to making the best charm possible for Thoma. If not for the countless failures he's made that now sit in a pile at his home, the bandages over his fingers were a clear sign that the oni stopped at nothing to make sure he made the perfect charm. Even the silk of the tassel was wrapped by his own hands, thanks to the guidance from Ogura.

"It's a good luck charm." Itto begins to explain as he pulls the tassel out of the box to dangle it on his finger, "People wear oni masks to protect themselves from evil spirits and harm, so, you know," The retainer could probably tell that the red in his cheeks probably rivaled the dendrobium flower, huh? "I made you this so you'd be safe." Itto was unfortunately too timid to add 'whenever I'm not around' to that sentence. "I hope you like it! Happy birthday!"  

it's a rare period of time when retainer has no other obligations but to enjoy the day; there was obviously things he could be doing - there was always work around the estate, with the clan. but he was all but told to enjoy the afternoon doing whatever it was he wanted. which, one of his favorite things just so happened to be walking inazuma city. reminding himself as often as he can why he fell in love with this place. why he chose to stay here all those years ago. the scenery, the weather, and the people...

speaking of people. a familiar presence finds him. one he's rather enjoyed spending time with as of late. though, he's not sure where the oni heard it was his birthday from...thoma maybe mentioned it briefly in passing during the times itto came to see him at the estate, or maybe one of his other retainers let itto know. his attention to small details was surprising, and sweet, "thank you itto, you didn't have to get me anything..." humble at his core, thoma almost feels sheepish accepting a gift.

but as he peers in the box itto hands him with damaged fingers, thoma realizes this wasn't an item itto purchased out and about. he made it himself. with quite a bit of care, if the bandages oni sports were anything to go by. he turns the tassel over in his fingers once, twice, thumb tracing the detail in the oni mask like it were precious. because it is. and then oni goes on to explain its significance, its purpose; itto wanted to protect him. which is funny, when he thinks about it; protecting the man who's vision manifested into a shield, thoma was known as the protector from afar to those who needed him. it wasn't often that same protection was offered to him...

green eyes soften significantly when they peer back up at the oni, noting the little pressure at the back of his skull that comes from bending his neck up to meet his gaze. he's beginning to really like that feeling, "itto...this is beautiful. you made this for me?" he confirms, glancing down to the tassel once more before glancing around them. 

they were in public, sure, but no one was really paying any attention to them any longer. itto got some stares from time to time (thoma was never a fan, but people would be people) but his presence was not so foreign anymore. he feels safe enough to reach up, and tug itto down a bit by the collar of his jacket. once in range, thoma plants a soft kiss to the oni's cheek. if he lingers a few seconds, so be it.

"this is so sweet of you. i'll carry it with me everywhere...would you help me put it on my vision?" // @theoneandonii

[therecordconnection]

Ranting and Raving: "Free as a Bird" by The Beatles

When I was a little boy, the first CD I was ever handed from my father was The Beatles 1967-1970, the blue compilation album that contained all the most important stuff from their later years. The Beatles were the first band I ever fell in love with and the first band my father and I ever bonded over. His favorite album was The White Album, his favorite song was “While My Guitar Gently Weeps” (he was a big Eric Clapton fan unfortunately, and always a sucker for a good lead from him) and I genuinely believe he had a rule that if that 2004 Rock n’ Roll Hall of Fame performance of the song came up on his Facebook timeline, he had to stop whatever he was doing and watch it. You know the one. The one where it’s Tom Petty, Jeff Lynne, Steve Winwood, playing together and Prince absolutely tears that song a new asshole by playing one of the most rippin’ solos ever. That one.

Anyway, My classic rock and entire musical education began with Beatles albums. They were also the stars of the first musical disagreement I ever had with my father. His favorite Beatle was George, mine has always been Paul. We always agreed on one thing though: we both preferred the later years of the Fab Four to their earlier years. We loved when the Beatles would get weird and play with wackier ideas. The early hits did nothing for my old man. That’s why I always gravitate more to that 1967-1970 time when I go back to them. He instilled a love for the strange and adventurous in music. He also loved every song George Harrison got to have on albums since everybody wanted to talk about Lennon/McCartney so much. He loved music history and always looked for the songs people didn’t talk about much. In a way, he’s been a big inspiration on this series, where I talk about songs I don’t think people talk about much.

There’s been a lot of talk about the Beatles lately, mainly because there was a lot of hype around the recently released “Now and Then,” the final unfinished John Lennon demo that the Beatles worked on when Paul, George, and Ringo reunited for the Anthology in the mid-nineties. If you want my honest opinion, “Now and Then” really isn’t that great. I can see why George wasn’t super into it back in the day and I get why it wasn’t finished back then. The finished production feels a little too artificial and cobbled together. It still feels unfinished and feels like it has no idea where it’s going or how it wants to end. It’s very clearly something Lennon only had a sketch of and clearly a song McCartney felt he had to finish in order for him to truly get closure on both the Beatles legacy and his songwriting partnership with John. I don’t begrudge anybody who loves it! If you do, that’s great! I just couldn’t connect with it. The song I’m going to talk about today isn’t a universally beloved Beatles song, so I get fighting for an underdog that people don’t fully vibe with.

My father didn’t live to hear “Now and Then.” In recent days, I’ve wondered what he would’ve thought about it if he had.

My father’s life ended on November 3rd, 2023, but he wouldn’t be taken off life support until the 11th. He never got to hear that final Beatles song. In the days that he’s been gone, I’ve found myself listening to all those old Beatles tunes I used to listen to with him and remember all the good times I had. The White Album has been on repeat a lot.

But most of all, I’ve listened to “Free as a Bird” on repeat. I’ve found a lot of comfort in it through these darker days.

I never asked my father what he thought of “Free as a Bird.” There’s a chance he probably never even heard it. He rarely listened to any music from the nineties so I’m not sure if he was aware the surviving Beatles even reunited for that. I choose to believe he liked it, if it was indeed a song he heard. I’ve connected with that song much more than I have with “Now and Then.” My father, who I’m named after, became a father when I was born on April 10th, 1995, thirty-five years to the day that the infamous headlines of “Paul quits the Beatles” appeared and signaled that the band had officially broken up. It would be a few more months before the world would get to hear a new Beatles song post-breakup. That was then, this is now. There’s a new Beatles song one more time. The saying is true: Everything old becomes new again. 

My father is dead. So it goes. John Lennon was also dead when the Beatles finished “Free as a Bird.” So it goes. But despite John’s vocals and piano only being available on a cassette tape, I really think Jeff Lynne’s production brings a warmth to the song and makes John sound as if he’s there in the room with them. If it was made under ordinary circumstances, you’d have every right to call his vocals here “low quality,” because they are. However, since a tape and 1994-95 production technology was all Lynne had to work with, what he pulled off is superb. There’s a haunting quality to John’s vocals that I’ve always loved with this song. It’s always felt like a final message from him. The melody of the song is one of John’s sweetest and the way he sings the chorus has this breathy, relaxed quality to it that makes it sound like you’re simply gliding through the air. The way he holds that first word (“Freeeeeeeeeeeee”) and lets it fly and maintain altitude is just beautiful. It’s the song where I think John sounds his most relaxed, which might be due to him just recording his part by himself, just him and his piano. The other three Beatles assist with adding warmth to John’s vocals by providing the same harmonies the Fab Four were loved for. 

The song itself doesn’t have a ton of tricks up its sleeve. The entire song really can’t have too many, considering it’s forced to be built around the bits and pieces that John provided. But man, what bits he did provide work really well. Paul’s added line of “Can we really live without each other?” hits different these days (my answer when it comes to my own grief: yes, we can, but it’s gonna be a tall order.) George’s slide guitar throughout the song and his solo near the second half are simply wonderful. A song like this doesn’t really need a lot of tricks, you mostly listen to it because the vocal melody is so sweet and because it’s all the Beatles together one more time. I always loved Paul’s idea of stitching in part of “Come Together” and strange recordings being played backwards. When the song came out, Paul joked that he did it “to give all those Beatles nuts something to do.” That’s a classic John “The Walrus was Paul” Lennon move right there and it’s a fitting tribute to his songwriting partner’s humor.

Even without the other three Beatles, the demo by itself is still a beautiful little piece. John sounds so calm and peaceful on it. It’s melancholy, but it’s hauntingly beautiful and reflective, just as all of John’s best songs were. He captures in one single verse how it feels to find peace with both yourself and the world around you. If you want to hear somebody besides Lennon take a crack at it, Adrian Belew and King Crimson performed it during their THRAK tour in November, 1995. The recording I have linked was done five days after Anthology 1 came out. It was a song that was fitting considering they were playing in New York City, John Lennon’s home for the last years of his life. I imagine members of that audience were hearing the song for the very first time. Interestingly, Belew doesn’t play the finished one on Anthology 1, he’s doing the demo version. He omits the lyrics McCartney added and sings the ad-libs John sang on the demo. You can hear the audience laugh, which is kinda rude, but I think they only did that because they thought he genuinely forgot the words... except, he didn’t. 

It’s a fitting tribute song, whether you’re thinking of Lennon and the Beatles’ story or you’re thinking of somebody close to you. For me, I suppose the reason this song has stuck with me in recent days is because I imagine this is how my father feels, now that he’s no longer in pain. He gets to sleep for as long as he would like. You could say that he’s now...

Free as a bird It's the next best thing to be Free as a bird Home, home and dry Like a homing bird I'll fly As a bird on wings

Whenever I have to face the death of someone I love, I choose to think of death as a release, especially if the days leading up to it were filled with sickness, which was what my father faced. The last few years of his life had him deal with CoPD, diabetes, blood pressure issues, and whatever else decided to stop working one day. I suspect my father was in more pain than he let on, but he never let any of us worry for too long. If there’s any comfort to be found in a situation as hard as losing a parent unexpectedly (because he was never in such ill-health that we worried he was knockin’ on heaven’s door) it’s that you can rest knowing that your parent isn’t in pain anymore. They’re freed from it. When I see birds hanging around now, I like to imagine that one of them will always be my father, watching over me from up above. John Lennon was killed young. He was only forty years old. My father died young. He was only fifty-five. There was so much still left to do and so many things left to see and experience. Since I’m named after my father (He and I always felt the need to point out that I’m not a junior. I have a middle name, he didn’t) I suppose that means I’ll have to carry on his name and experience all the things he didn’t get time to get around to. I can only hope I succeed and make him proud.

I treat “Free as a Bird” as a eulogy song for him, because I think it reflects who my father was. He was a man who lived fifty-five wonderful years of life on his own terms. He lived the way he wanted, did the things he wanted to do, loved and laughed the way he wanted. He’s always been free as a bird and his death––in the most positive light I can find––is just another way to freedom.

My father could be a stubborn curmudgeon sometimes, but more than anything else, he was a man who loved with his whole heart and devoted himself to the people around him. He spent his entire life giving love to his wife, his children, and anybody else around him who called him “friend.” He made the days brighter, made the laughs louder, and devoted himself to making sure everyone in his life had what they needed, no matter what. He knew that one day he would leave this Earth for the next adventure and so he spent his days making sure everybody around him would be taken care of when it was time for him to go.

I love you, dad. I always will. May heaven’s light shine on you and let you soar the skies forever... free as a bird.

And in the end  The love you take Is equal to the love you make

[darkficsyouneveraskedfor]

Looking for a Place to Happen

Warnings: non-consent sex and rape (series), age gap, general stupidity.

This is dark!biker!Sam Wilson x reader and explicit. 18+ only.  Your media consumption is your own responsibility. Warnings have been given. DO NOT PROCEED if these matters upset you.

Series Synopsis: There’s lots happening in Birch and you find it all too amusing.

Sister series to Smalltown Bringdown, When the Weight Comes Down, Little Bones, and Fully Completely

Note: We’re starting Sam’s installment but this weekend I’ll probably only be catching up on my headcanons and drabbles because I’ve been a lazy bitch and I’m sorry to those who have been waiting.

Thanks to everyone for their patience and feedback. :)

I really hope you enjoy. 💋

<3 Let me know what you think with a like or reblog or reply or an ask! Love ya!

Chapter 1: I've got a job, I explore

💀💀💀

The sleepy town of Birch was awake. 

In those last weeks, the arrival of outsiders had roused the attention of many once passive residents of the timeless territory. Those brick buildings unchanged by the tick of the clock inlaid into the old tower above the library that chimed every hour on the hour. They still stood with only chips in the mortar but the air tasted different. The frost was more bitter and the sky more grim. An omen of something no one could predict.

It was the perfect setting for a screenplay. The isolated town with its unsavoury secrets and the visitors who threatened to bring them to the surface. It was inspiring to you, to imagine what was hidden behind the stern wrinkled faces of the town elders and under the jackets of those men who wore the cut of the local club. The bikers ruled the town covertly but everyone knew that Bucky Barnes’ palm was lined with the map of Birch.

As a bystander, an unnoticed observer, just another ant in the hill, you watched from the side and amused yourself with the drama of others. It was like a soap opera or another HBO hype machine. Those things you aspired to when you could be free of this ho-hum town.

The snows added to the natural gloom of the place. The deep heaps smothered the noise and harkened back to those days of colonial settlement. Forgotten, desolate, fearful. 

You ventured down in your heavy boots that stretched to your knees and pushed your chin down into your scarf. As a child, you ran and jumped in those piles, now you were out of breath just trying to walk past them.

You stopped in the bakery that doubled as the only café, a place where the owner, Babs, tried to to intimidate the last caffeinated trends. She was always a few seasons behind but you didn’t mind so much. 

You ordered the salted caramel mocha and waited patiently as the quiet woman fought with the steaming machines. She was older than you but you’d work with her for one summer during high school, only five years ago. She had the eyes of a child still, but there was something worn in her. As if she’d been exposed to far too much in her three or so decades in that place. She was a harbinger of what you didn’t want to become.

You thanked her for your drink and set out once more into the billowing winds. Birch winters were never kind but this one was crueler than most. Your teeth chattered as you blew the steam away from the lid and hugged it with your mittened hands.

You stopped short as you heard the familiar ding of the diner door across the street. You recognised the mechanic who kept to herself and once growled at you in the grocery store. She stormed across the street, followed closely and quickly by a black-haired man you’d only seen once before. He was one of those outsiders who came to deal with the club men.

You sped up as you sensed chaos brewing and pulled out your phone as you balanced your paper cup in your other hand. You flicked your camera on just as you got to the front of the shop and the man grabbed the mechanic. You let out an ‘oop’ as she turned on him and you aimed the lens at the couple as they fell into the snow, the man’s shoes giving little traction to his steps. 

You moved closer, stunned by the scene, and kept your cell phone rolling as you found a better angle around the snowy walks. As she choked him on the ground he elbowed her and she coughed as she rolled away. She snarled as he clamoured to his feet, slipping and sliding as he marched away.

You killed the recording and watched the man cross the street again, nearly wiping out as he did and when you looked back to the mechanic, she was gone behind the clattering door. You chuckled to yourself and tucked away your cell. It was prime footage for TikTok; with a bit of editing, it would be comedy gold.

💀

You stomped up the steps of your grandmother’s house, this time through the front door as you heard her chair rocking in the front room. You usually took the stairs in the back as you paid her to live on the upper floor of the duplex. You checked in with her daily, she didn’t get out much more than the occasional trip to the grocery store when you couldn’t or you dragged her out to join you for a tea at Babs’.

“You’re late,” she grumbled as you set your cup down and unzipped your coat.

“For what?” you scoffed.

“It’s after noon and you don’t even come down to say hello? A ‘good morning, nan’,” she harrumphed.

You chuckled and hung your coat before shoving your boots over on the mat. You grabbed your mocha and leaned on the doorway as you watched her crocheting in her chair, reruns of some court show playing from the boxy television.

“I was working,” you said, “sent in some stuff for review. Hopefully not much work to be done.”

“I don’t know how you make money on that interweb,” she bemoaned, “I don’t trust it.”

“Maybe you’d trust it more if you used the Netflix subscription I got you,” you crossed your arms, “then you wouldn’t have to watch trash daytime TV.”

She shrugged and muttered under her breath. She could be crotchety but you liked her sense of humour. Your aunts and uncles never came around because they just took it as spite. You were the only one who knew how to handle the jaded old lady.

“Maybe you coulda looked out the window,” you snickered, “quite a show going on in town.”

“Hmm, what’s that?” she stilled her needles and reached for her tea stained cup.

“Just a fight. You wouldn’t believe it, that lady mechanic beat the shit--”

“Language,” she huffed.

“Anyway, she had this guy in a chokehold. It was awesome.”

“What guy?” she squinted at you over her glasses.

“I dunno. Some out of towner. Remember I told you about that burly dude hanging around the library?”

“There’s more?” she sucked on her teeth, “those bikers have never been good news and now they’re bringing in more.”

“Yeah, well, what’re you gonna do?” you sniffed as you took out your phone and rewatched the scuffle with the volume down. You shook your head and opened up your TikTok. 

“I don’t understand why you’re always on your dang phone,” your grandmother pestered.

“I’m not always on my phone,” you smiled at her smugly, “there are those time when I’m listening to you prattle on or you know, making you tea, oh, and cooking you dinner. What was it I did last week? Oh that’s right, I got Pippin out of the crawlspace.”

“I’m too old to be chasin’ that cat all around,” she huffed, “where is he anyway?”

“He’s your cat, I don’t know? Last time I saw him, I sent him back out the window for shredding my charger.”

“He knows you need to give it a rest,” she laughed to herself, “got your nose to that screen too much.”

“And what do you do, old lady? Crocheting doilies to put where exactly?”

She gave you that dry smile, the one that said watch it but carried a hint of humour still. You hit post and put your phone away as you waved off her irritation.

“Well, you know what, I sit all day at my computer, doing who knows what and you know what it got me?” you taunted, “a large mocha!” you sipped as you sat on the sofa and grabbed the remote, “and it’s paying my rent and putting bullet points on my resume.”

“Mhmm,” she scowled, “just remember, real life ain’t online. Those videos you’re always laughing at like hyena, that’s not reality. You forget it and it’ll come back and bit you. ‘Specially with those bikers.”

“Oh, nan, you know too well, don’t you? Didn’t you have a fling with one back in your hippie phase?”

“Two, actually,” she raised her brows, “I was young and stupid. Not like you, but still.”

“I love you too,” you chirped and sipped from your cup, flicking the station to Jerry Springer, “that’s more like it.”

💀

Your usual TikToks were sarcastic and dull complaints about your small town life. The response was less than pleasing but it gave you an outlet to vent. You liked to goof around and document the very specific type of weirdos that resided in Birch. But the video of the fight in the snow blew up your phone and made it difficult to ignore the buzzing as you went back up to your room to eke out the last of your captions for the ad agency.

When at last you could call your day hard-earned, you logged off and sent in your hours to the agency. Social media promotion was easy enough but the working gigs for a thousand different companies was tedious. You hoped you could build your portfolio enough to manage a single corporate page as you continued to chip away at your creative outlets.

You picked up your phone as you waited for Netflix to load on your tiny smart tv and flopped onto your bed, not two feet from your desk. You hit the icon in the upper panel of your phone and scrolled through the notifications, pausing to turn on another episode of the cable sitcom from ten years before. You snorted as you read each comment but the number under the video made your eyes round. The thing was bound to go viral.

As usual, you went down to help with supper. Pippin, the orange tabby, returned to cry at his dish and you fed him too. Your nan peered through her glasses at a crossword as she tasted the tangy pasta sauce. 

“More basil,” she snipped.

“Well, I asked if you wanted to help,” you muttered, “I think it’s good.”

“Hmmp, I need milk,” she jutted her chin out, “for my after-dinner tea.”

“You couldn’t say something like three hours ago?” you blinked.

“I could have but I didn’t,” she snickered. You rolled your eyes and she took another forkful of penne and filled in another line on her puzzle, “ah, no hurry, girlie, you know I’m patient.”

“Patient? You?” you chuckled as you took your plate and shoved it in the microwave to keep it warm. The ancient thing had a dial and the door stuck, “I’ll just go get it over with.”

“Don’t forget your mitts,” she called after you as you tramped into the front room, “it’s cold.”

You pulled on your knitted cap and matching mitts. You zipped up your parka and shoved your feet into the deep boots. You grabbed your wallet and buried it in the spacious pocket. You bounced out the front door and down the steps as the sky sent down another coat of powder for the night.

You went up White Forge Street and through the short path behind the diner that led to the main road. You glanced over at The Asp, the beacon of the dull town, and turned towards the grocer. Like anywhere in Birch, the store was outdated and stuffy. It felt like stepping into another time with the paper bags and chunky tills.

You went down the center aisle and stopped at the fridge to search through the frosted glass. Your nan only drank whole milk and the last time you carelessly grabbed skim, she whined that even Pippin wouldn’t drink it. She was particular but that was just her nature. You couldn’t say you were any less fussy in some instances.

You grabbed a jug and the door slapped closed against the worn rubber seal. You headed up the candy aisle and brushed your woolly thumb over your chin as you considered gummy bears or Reeses’ Pieces.

“Hard choice?” The deep voice jolted you.

You snatched the box of chocolate and looked over at the man in leather, his chin tucked down behind the collar as snow dusted his shoulders.

“Sure,” you said as you brushed past him.

The cut of the leather told you he was better not entertained. While you thought the men amusing, you weren’t stupid enough to engage with them. You rarely listened to your grandmother but she was wise in her own way. 

You knew a girl in highschool, she was fucking around with one of the club men in her junior year, she ended up with a baby and no support. You didn’t think he was into you that way but he could hardly have innocent intentions.

“How’s the old lady?” Clayton asked as he rung in your order at the end of the belt, you moved along with the groceries and pulled out your wallet.

“The usual, you know? She’s tryna quit again. Don’t know how long it’ll last.”

“Oh yeah? I’ll keep a carton aside for her,” he kidded as you felt your phone vibing in your back pocket.

“Don’t encourage her,” you swiped your card and punched in your pin, “although I don’t know what’s worse; the smoke or her sucking on those mints all the time.”

“Oh, it’s not the bitchin’?” he laughed.

“That, too,” you scooped up the paper bag and put your wallet away, “have a good one.”

As you came to the end of the first counter, you were nearly cut off by the club member as he swept around from till two. His own purchase of a car magazine and jerky was tucked under his arm.

“Ah, sorry,” he smiled, a sparkling smile, almost charming.

“No worries,” you continued on and he followed close behind.

“Those mitts look real warm. ‘Specially in this weather,” he said as you pushed open the door.

“Uh huh,” you kept on as your boots crunched out into the snow.

“You know where I can get a pair. Leather isn’t exactly thermal, you know?”

“These? My nan made ‘em. I’m sure Clayton got some hung up back there,” you looked across the street as you stepped up onto the ledge of snow between the sidewalk and the road.

“Am I bothering you?” he asked.

You looked at him dumbly and almost laughed in his face. You glanced back across the street then down towards The Asp.

“Sorta,” you answered.

“Make you a deal. Leave ya alone for your name.”

You eyed him. He was older than you like many of the Commandos. At least a decade, likely more than that. You chewed on your hesitation and cradled the bag more firmly against your side. His eyes strayed as he tried to see through the thick layer of your coat.

“Nah, I’m not s’posed to talk to strangers,” you said and hopped off onto the road.

You heard him behind you as he struggled to follow and as you came up to the other side, he came parallel with you and kept stride with you easily.

“I know you’re young but you’re not a kid,” he intoned, “what’s the harm in a name?”

“It’s a small town,” you stopped short of the end of White Forge, “I think I know enough about you to avoid you.”

“Oh ho, is that it? Well, I’m Sam, I’m not a stranger now, am I?”

“Not interested, Sam. Sure there’s women your own age over at the bar,” you nodded behind him.

“You wanna come see? Maybe have a drink?” he gave a crooked grin.

“You don’t give up, do you?” you shook your head, put off by his forwardness.

“Well?”

“Not tonight, Sam,” you turned around and headed down White Forge.

“Then what night?” he asked but you didn’t answer and he didn’t follow.

You turned down onto your street and refused to look back in case. It would be best not to mention the run-in to your nan, she was paranoid enough as it was. Besides, you’d forget about it by the end of next week.

[tender-rosiey]

Can I request headcanons of chuuya, dazai, fyodor and whoever else you want where they stand up for y/n against a toxic family member (or toxic friend whatever your comfortable with) I just had this idea but you don’t have to write it if you don’t want to :)

❥ Standing up against a toxic family member of yours

Includes Dazai, Fyodor and Chuuya

ᴀ/ɴ: *sharpens knife* do I have to kill someone? Also may anyone who gets the reference have a lovely day, it’s been a good while since I posted 😀 I hope you like this dear and this is what you wanted 💕

f/m= family member and I made the pronouns gender neutral to suit everyone’s taste and their dialogue is in bold :D

DAZAI OSAMU:

It has been the day that the great Dazai meets your family

Don’t ask me how tf did you convince them to meet him and likewise but he always wanted to “meet the people who birthed the most beautiful and stunning human on earth”

His vocabulary is sometimes concerning, oh dear

HE SHOWS UP

With a bouquet of flowers, a very pretty one too

What a gentleman

Your parents welcome him (though your dad begrudgingly)

Your mom obviously fell in love because woah a (seemingly) proper gentleman

He bows and introduces himself dramatically and throws in some ✨fancy✨ words

Your dad is wary of him because he seems a little too proper and people like that rarely appear anymore

Somehow you forgot to mention to Dazai that it was a family gathering

Though he adapted quickly so it was fine

But it came to this one person that you really didn’t like

It was your f/m who just seems to get mad and is sensitive about every single thing you do, even if your drink water

He did sense some bitchassness in the atmosphere but he couldn’t pinpoint who did it belong to, but now that he in front of them he can 🤡

He tried his best to be polite in case you wanted that and for the sake of the people there

It didn’t last long because they spoke

“Hello there, I am Dazai—“ “Why are you with that whore?”

Blink once, blink twice; did he hear that right?

“Pardon?” “I said-“ “No I heard what you said, I am making sure that you want to repeat that.”

Someone is not gonna make it out safe of nightmares

Cue his very famous glare that sends chills down their spine

“I would appreciate if you keep your mouth shut, and stop insulting my lover, now and in the future. If you do, I will know.” He then got near their ear and whispered “The price won’t be pleasant.”

“Well! I will go check the rest of the people :D”

Acts like nothing happened and goes to you and starts pampering you with kisses

Also will start shit talking them whenever you bring them up

Because I believe Dazai is the boyfriend who hates who you hate

And because they insulted you and are clearly shit and toxic so they deserve his hatred anyways

When you guys get home he will compliment you 10x more and cuddle you because he wants to remind you that you are beautiful and perfect the way you are <3

CHUUYA NAKAHARA:

You guys were shopping per the rule of “y/n should be spoiled weekly” that Chuuya put without the interference of any body

Which you everyday argued with because he shouldn’t be spending money carelessly >:(

And he defends with that is that his love for you isn’t careless

Anywho

You guys are in a shop and you were trying out outfits

He was hyping you up because as usual you are stunning af and I take no criticism

However you had an outfit that you quite liked and were showing it to chuuya to see what he thought of it, and you didn’t expect that one particular family member of yours to show up here

You have never liked them and they never did anything to lessen the dislike, on the contrary they kept treating you in a horrible way that you didn’t deserve

“Oh y/n.”

“F/M, what are you doing here?”

Chuuya could already sense the tension because of his job as a mafia required these skills though it was even crystal clear for the naked eye

“Oh nothing, I was just shopping with my fiancé; didn’t think I would run into a pig though.”

Chuuya’s anger risen as he heard those words, but they didn’t stop

“Like honestly, this doesn’t suit you at all, you are too full for it.”

“I didn’t know they allowed bitches in.”

F/M looked at Chuuya thinking he was joining them in their horrible act

“Right?—“

“I was talking about you.”

Only to be cut off by his venomous tone and horrifyingly piercing gaze

“You are gonna take your toxic and sorry self out of this shop, before I send you to a five year coma. Right this instant.”

They could only shudder and run with their tail between their leg at Chuuya’s threat

Even if you don’t know Chuuya, those words weren’t an empty threat, they were a promise

He took a deep breath before turning to you gaze softening tenfold

“Love, I know what they said is harsh, but don’t let it get to you; you are more beautiful than you think. They are just jealous of you.”

He bought the outfit you were wearing and everything you chose before gently pulling you out of the store

“Let’s go to another store, it makes me sick knowing I was in the same place as that thing.”

You smiled knowing that you had someone to rely on, and someone who truly loved you for you and in his eyes you were the beauty of the world combined

Also whenever they are brought up somehow he gags and his face is just full of disgust

FYODOR DOSTOYEVSKY:

Look at how his hair and ushanka are going swoosh and whoosh

Anyways

He is another one that happened with pure coincidence

Just another day of planning mass murder with your dear boyfriend while walking the streets of Yokohama incognito 🥸

Not really incognito but people couldn’t care less about anyone else in the roads

And y’all are a couple

No one needs a reminder that they are single

And what are the odds that you bumped into this very shitty and annoying familiar member of yours

Life is unfair, isn’t it

You thought you would just exchange quick hateful glances and then continue on your day forgetting even seeing their shit face

However they just had to just show how toxic they are and let out a very disturbing sound

Their voice <3

“Oh, a stray y/n is going around slutting around I see.”

You tried to pull Fyodor away from them and to continue your walk ignoring them but he wouldn’t bulge

Instead just kept staring at them, but a cold stare that they couldn’t get the hint from, because apparently they lack braincells

Hence somehow they took it as cue to continue which will eventually end in a very horrible way I assure you

“And like you are not even worth it, why are you even trying? I am surprised you have a boyfriend even—“ Please do shut up, your appearance disgusts me enough.”

They really went 👁👄👁

“What are you waiting for? Scram.”

Their trial to put on the tough act once again failed as they saw the dagger in Fyodor’s big ass coat

Hence they ran away like the embarrassment they are

But they were limping and clutching their sides?

Meh, could’ve drank a lot of water before going for a walk and polluting the air with their presence

Y’all indeed continued your walk like nothing happened after that

“Hey dear, so I was wondering about going to this rather lively restaurant in…is something the matter?”

“Did you stab them?”

“No—“

“Fyodor did you stab them?”

“:)”

“FYODOR DOSTOYEVSKY!”

Anyways

he bribed you with poetic lines and kisses to forget about it

Though after that incident he is more sure about the fact that he will commence his plan to get rid of shitty people like them because screw these disgusting people

And yes they are in the ER

Ha ha

Ha 🤡

*calls steveioe*

taglist: @magenta-cat-drawingss @pompompurin1028 @scul-pted @dazaisdeathwish @requiem626k @nameless-shrimp @shinys-bsd-world-1 @bsdparadise @ravenina14 @jessbeinme15

copyright © 2020 tender-rosiey

do not copy or plagiarize or you will be reported

[ddaengtae]

see you around || jjk

pairing: jeon jungkook x reader

genre: college, strangers (idiots) to lovers, fitness instructor! jungkook, fluff, smut

word count: 13.9k

summary: you know those beautiful strangers that you admire from afar and obsess over with your friends, but know there’s about a one percent chance they’ll ever talk to you or even know who you are?  that’s precisely what jeon jungkook was to you; a piece of delicious eye candy that you could daydream about all you wanted, but had to accept that it was too unrealistic to ever happen.  or so you thought.  after an embarrassing accident at the gym that makes your worlds collide, maybe you had been wrong about your chances all along.

a/n: when i came up with this idea in my head, i guessed it would be around 5k words.  guess my hands slipped.  this is only my second bts fic, but after getting good feedback for my first one, i decided to give it another try and this is what happened.  i tried to edit closely, but there may be a few types so i’m sorry!  thanks for reading & pls lmk what you think. :)

Another week, another million reasons to be stressed.  It really seemed like that was the never-ending pattern of the college lifestyle.  The weekend was never long enough to truly allow yourself to unwind.  Sure, those two days were great, but how was two days enough to destress from the agony of multiple all-nighters to keep up with the shitload of work that all of your professors always deemed it acceptable to assign?  There was no way for you to prove it, but you believed in a conspiracy theory that all of the professors would meet up at the beginning of each semester and choose to make all of their huge assignments due on the same days just to fuck all of their students over.  There could be no other explanation for the hell that was midterms season.

While during your first two years of college you would barely be hanging on by a thread during the busiest weeks of the semester, you were now a junior and had at last adopted a regime that helped you burn off some steam when the tension became all too much.  Somewhere along the way, you started to realize that inhaling mozzarella sticks and Red Bull at two in the morning the night before an exam did very little to make you feel better and that it would probably be a better idea to take up a healthy lifestyle and better time management skills sooner rather than later.  In the process of getting your life together, one Tuesday evening in the spring of your sophomore year, one of your roommates had convinced you to accompany her to a group fitness class at the gym on campus.  To your surprise, you fell in love with it and the feeling of adrenaline and accomplishment that came along with making it through the hour.  From that day on, you vowed to yourself to make it to the gym most days of the week.

There was something about group fitness classes that made you feel much more comfortable than going to the gym and working out on your own.  Perhaps most glaringly, the classes were dominated with like-minded girls who just wanted some peace of mind for an hour.  Most of the instructors were girls too, except for a few guys who seemed to understand why a lot of women chose to avoid the rest of the gym.  It was quite unsettling to work out by yourself on the main floor and be surrounded by conceited guys who always seemed to either be undressing you with their eyes or judging you because, god forbid, you couldn’t squat three-hundred pounds like they could.  The whole place just always reeked of toxic masculinity, or so that was what you had thought until you found out about the group fitness classes that the facility also held.  They seemed to be a sort of heavenly escape from the rest of the place that resembled a fraternity initiation ceremony.

That was precisely where you found yourself this Monday evening.  In dire need of a break from studying, you found yourself sitting on the floor of the group classroom surrounded by your equipment and waiting for your favorite instructor to arrive.  The concept of a high-intensity circuit training class had initially terrified you when you first decided to try it out last semester, but it had quickly become your favorite class and one that you attended every week without fail.  It was incredibly satisfying to track your progress and watch your body evolve as you adapted to be able to lift heavier weights and make it through the cardio outbreaks without feeling like you were going to drop dead every second.

Taking a long sip of your water, your eyes remained down on your phone as you heard the door of the room open and close again.  As it was still ten minutes before class, you didn’t think much of it and assumed it was probably just more people piling into the room and rushing to get their equipment ready.

“Uh, hi guys!  The usual instructor for the class is unfortunately sick so I’m filling in for her tonight,” an unfamiliar-- but yet also eerily recognizable-- male voice echoed through the room.  “I was just recently certified so this is actually the first class I’ll be teaching here.  I promise I’ll try to live up to her hype.”  The unknown source let out an awkward laugh, which was met with relative silence from the rest of the room.

The moment your eyes moved up to fall upon the new instructor, your breath hitched in your throat, causing the water you had been attempting to drink to flow down the wrong pipe.  This wasn’t just any unmemorable college boy filling in to instruct the class.  There at the front of the room stood none other than Jeon Jungkook.  The breathtaking Jeon Jungkook was going to be leading the class and you were supposed to be able perform-- let alone breathe-- properly?  Oh no.

You and Jungkook were not friends by any means.  Hell, it was highly likely that the boy didn’t even know who you were.  You know those beautiful strangers that you admire from afar, yet know there’s about a one percent chance that they will ever know who you are or ever speak to you?  The ones you tell all of your friends about and you go out of your way to use your FBI-level stalking skills to find their social media in hopes of finding out more about them so you can daydream about your nonexistent, fantasy future together?  The ones you’re always hoping you’ll cross paths with while walking to class because even a glance of them will make your day a little more exciting and give you something to talk about with your friends?  That was what Jungkook was to you.

Jungkook had become known as ‘hot coffee shop boy’ amongst your friend group after you had noticed him studying in the same coffee shop as you one day in the fall of your sophomore year.  As you always chose to study at the least favorite and therefore least populated coffee shop on campus, it was shocking the first time someone as beautiful as Jungkook sat down at one of the tables across from yours and settled in to do his homework as well.  His presence offered you a paradox; while seeing him looking like a model wearing his oversized clothes and sighing at his laptop screen was certainly a distraction at times, it also served as a form of motivation to force you to focus because you didn’t want him thinking you were slacking off.  He seemed to enjoy the quiet ambience of the specific shop because after that first day, he began to frequent it almost as often as you, always sitting at the same table by the third window.  On some occasions, one of his friends who always seemed to be changing hair colors would accompany him.  After some research completed by your enamored friend Jennie who sometimes accompanied you, she discovered his name was Park Jimin.  He quickly became known as ‘iced chai’ after that seemed to be his regular coffee order.

It was an exciting day amongst your friends on the first day of classes in the spring of your sophomore year when Jungkook happened to enroll in the same Earth Science lecture as you to satisfy the science gen-ed requirement at your university.  Rocks and rivers weren’t exactly interesting, but the back of Jungkook’s head from the row in front of you certainly was.  The group chat really blew up the day he spun around in his chair and asked you if he could borrow a pen.  They were right that it would’ve been easier for him to just ask one of the people next to him, but you were smart enough to not think into it too much.  Maybe you just seemed like the type of person to carry around an abundance of stationery materials (you weren’t, and you ended up not taking any notes that day after giving him the only pen you had).

So here you were, practically choking on your water as Jungkook started to set up his own equipment at the front of the room.  How dare he invade your safe space?  You suddenly felt as if you barely remembered how to do a jumping jack, let alone have the facilities to pick up a weight.  

After organizing his weights at the front of the room, Jungkook’s eyes began to scan the participants in the room, likely counting how many people had shown up.  The moment his eyes met yours, your whole body froze in place.  Oddly enough, his seemed to do the same.  His doe eyes became wide and his mouth fell into an ‘o’ as he looked at you for a few seconds too long, and you swore there was an expression of recognition on his face.  Before you could convince yourself that anything of the sort had truly happened, Jungkook was blinking rapidly and shaking his head at himself before his eyes darted away to scan and count the rest of the room.

“Alright everyone, we’re going to get started in a minute here,” Jungkook announced a minute later, looking down at his phone as he connected his music and began blasting it through the speakers.  “Just remember to follow my lead and please don’t hesitate to wave me over if you have any questions or are struggling with form.  I’ll try to keep an eye on all of you and come over to help you out anyway.”  His eyes crinkled into crescent moons as he offered the class a big bunny smile.  Oh god, you were going to pass out.  “We’re going to be starting with a pretty intense cardio circuit here to bring those heart rates right up and set the tone for the rest of class.”  Great.  Your heart rate was already accelerating through the roof just at the sight of him.  “Try to keep up, but if you need to grab some water or take a break at any point, please don’t hesitate to do so.  We’re going to get started in 3… 2… 1… Go!”

To your surprise, you were able to make it through the first couple of circuits without too much trouble.  You made it your mission to zone in on each of the exercises you were doing, and that every time you were forced to face forward you would fixate your gaze on the back of the girl in front of you.  It was shockingly easy to forget about the beautiful man in front of the room while you were gasping for breath after numerous rounds of burpees and mountain climbers.  The goal was to look calm and fit without calling attention to yourself.  Outside of your heavy breathing that was likely being drowned out by Jungkook’s loud music, you could say you were succeeding.

About twenty minutes into the class, Jungkook signaled a transition into an upper body circuit.  While you were delighted to get a break from cardio and to allow your heart rate to calm down for a bit, following the exercises now required you to face forward and watch for his cues.  This would be fine as long as you didn’t focus on his gorgeous face that was currently glistening with sweat in the most pleasing way possible, right?

“Alright, we’re going to start off here with some overhead shoulder presses for the first minute.  I’d recommend something on the lighter side, but make sure you’re challenging yourself.”  With a slight nod of his head, Jungkook picked up his own weights and counted down the class to begin the first exercise of the circuit.

Shoulder presses weren’t bad.  You could do this.  Inhaling a deep breath, you made an attempt to wipe your sweaty palms off on your leggings before picking up your dumbbells and getting in position to begin your shoulder presses.  After the first few reps, you quickly fell into a rhythm that was both comfortable yet challenging, feeling that delicious burn in your shoulder muscles.  At the halfway mark through the minute, your eyes had remained glued to the same girl in front of you.  You finally felt a sense of peace.  One look at Jungkook couldn’t hurt, right?

Wrong.  

Against your better judgement, you decided to shift your eyes to the front of the room and take a good luck at a combination of both Jungkook’s back and the reflection of the front of his body through the mirror before him.  

The string of events that occurred immediately after that moment was a blur.  As Jungkook pressed his set of dumbbells above his head, his baggy shirt slid up his body, exposing his sweaty, toned abs that looked as though they were sculpted by the gods themselves.  What was likely an audible gasp escaped from your lips as your eyes remained frozen on the sight in front of you.  It was unclear if it was your mesmerized state, your sweaty hands, or a combination of both, but seconds later, the dumbbell in your right hand slipped out of your grasp and quickly went crashing downward.

“Oh my... Fuck!” 

There was a moment of dissociation before you realized that the loud cry had, in fact, come out of your mouth, and that the dumbbell that had glided out of your hand had, in fact, come crashing down onto the big toe of your right foot.  Your head was spinning as you began to process the throbbing feeling radiating throughout your entire foot, as well as the weight of what had just occurred.  Within moments, the eyes of all of the participants were on you, as well as the eyes of the one person whose attention you really did not want in such an embarrassing moment.  No, no, no.

“Oh my god, are you okay?” Jungkook’s panicked voice echoed throughout the room as he spoke into his headset and he quickly dropped his weights on the ground.  “Um, okay, the rest of you can keep going!  I’m going to get someone else to come in within a few minutes so I can help her.”  Within moments, he was shoving his way through the room until he was right in front of you and pulling the microphone away from his mouth so the rest of the class wouldn’t hear your interaction.  “Are you alright?  Oh my god, you shouldn’t be putting pressure on it.  Let’s get you out of here and get some ice.”

You genuinely thought you were going to pass out.  It had little to do with your toe, and a whole lot to do with Jungkook’s sudden closeness.  His concerned face was just inches away from yours as his eyes scanned yours for any sort of explanation for what had just unfolded.  His presence was intoxicating.  You could smell the combination of his cologne and sweat, and you had yet to tear the image of his gleaming six-pack out of your mind.  Oh my god.  That had really just happened.  The first impression you made on Jungkook, AKA hot coffee shop boy, was you making an absolute fool out of yourself and possibly breaking your toe while doing a simple exercise.  You were never going to live this one down.  You were going to throw up.

When you hadn’t responded to Jungkook within a few seconds, he took it upon himself to drape an arm over your shoulders and pull your body against his side.  “Here, lean against me so you’re not putting weight on it.  I’m going to bring you to the first-aid room and get you some ice…  At the very least.”

It was quite possible that your brain had chosen it was better to black out the memory as Jungkook began to pull you out of the room, yelling to one of the workers at the front desk to quickly find someone else to take over the class.  Your legs felt like jelly as they moved beside his, only functioning out of muscle memory rather than true volition.  Here you were, body pressed against that of the guy you had admired from afar for over a year.  In any other circumstance, this would have been like a dream come true.  Instead, you wished the ground would swallow you up and put you out of your misery.

It wasn’t long until you were pulled into what was likely the first-aid room and instructed to sit on top of the counter by a very stressed Jungkook.  The more you thought about it, the more horrible you felt.  Not only was this the Jeon Jungkook of your fantasies, but it was also the Jeon Jungkook who had informed the class before it had started that this was the first class he had ever led.  You had quite literally ruined his first class, and had set an appalling example of what he would expect going forward.  If your toe hadn’t been throbbing, you would have seriously considered running right out the door.

“Okay, if you don’t mind, just take off your shoe and sock while I try to find an ice pack,” Jungkook commanded as he nervously raked a hand through his already-messy hair, frantically rifling through the cabinets.  Your eyes watched his back as you followed his instructions, guilt filling your entire body.  He seemed stressed.  Nervous, even.  It made sense, if you thought about it.  Your foolish accident had just become his responsibility, and he was a new employee.  You would be nervous too.

“Found one,” he breathed out, hitting it against the counter a couple of times to activate the coldness.  As he turned around to face you, his eyes wandered down to your exposed toe.  “Oh no, that looks pretty swollen.  Does it hurt really badly?  Are you okay?”

“It doesn’t feel great, but I’m okay.”  No, no you were not okay, but you needed this to be over.  Meeting his eyes, you realized those were the first words you had spoken to him since this whole debacle had unraveled.  He probably thought you were crazy.  Taking the ice pack from him, you chewed on your lower lip.  “I’m… I’m really sorry.”

Jungkook furrowed his brow as he looked up from your foot to meet your gaze, tilting his head to the side.  “Huh?  You have no reason to be sorry.  Accidents happen.  I get it… I’m pretty clumsy too sometimes and have hurt myself much worse than this for much stupider reasons.  Really, don’t worry.”  He was rambling, and if you hadn’t been so distraught, you would have perhaps realized just how nervous he really seemed.  Offering you a shy smile, his eyes averted away from yours as his cheeks flushed a shade of bright red.  Redder than they should have been from just working out.

Looking down at your foot, you placed the ice pack on top of it and shook your head.  It was difficult to form words with him so close, but you knew you had to if you wanted to redeem yourself at all.  You already had created a mental plan to avoid him at all costs and hide from him whenever that wasn’t possible, but this was the least you could do.  “No, I’m really sorry.  You said at the beginning that this was your first class and I… I kind of ruined it for you.  I’m sure you were really excited about it.”

Jungkook remained occupied with your toe as he moved the ice pack to the side, feeling around the bones and moving it gently in various directions to see how bad the pain was.  “I don’t think it’s broken.  Definitely pretty swollen, but not broken.  However, I’m clearly not a doctor so you might want to get a second opinion.”  Standing up straight, he offered you a warm smile.  “But seriously, don’t worry about it.  There’s always going to be more classes for me to teach and I wasn’t just going to let you suffer there.  I’m happy to help.”

God, not only was he gorgeous, but he was also this friendly?  It was possible that he was just being nice to keep you calm and keep his job, but regardless, he just seemed so perfect.  So perfect that you feared being so close to him, for your endless flaws felt as if though they were being magnified.  Clearing your throat, you forced yourself to return the smile.  “Thanks.  I really appreciate it, but I’ll be fine.”  You needed to escape.  You needed to get out of there so you could cry to your friends about just how mortified you were and how you now really never stood a chance with hot coffee shop boy.  “I should probably get going.  Don’t want to hold you up any longer.”

“You’re not holding me up at all, I promise,” Jungkook responded a bit too quickly, but yet again, you were too focused on your own embarrassment to notice.  Crossing his arms over his chest, the tall man tilted his head to the side.  “How are you going to get back to your dorm?  Do you have a ride?  You definitely shouldn’t be walking on your toe.”

Fuck.  He had a good point.  Regardless of the pain flowing through your foot, you were willing to walk on it just to escape this situation.  However, you knew you couldn’t tell him that.  “I, uh, one of my roommates has a car and I was going to call her to pick me up.”

“I have my car here.  I could drive you.”

Wait, what?  Had he really just offered you a ride?  If you had met his gaze, you would’ve seen that he looked just as surprised that such an offer had slipped out of his lips so casually.  Instead, you stared down at your lap as you attempted to process his suggestion.  If the situation had been even slightly less humiliating, a car ride with the Jeon Jungkook would have sounded like one of your fantasies come to life.  However, at the current moment all you could imagine was the intense awkward silence that would likely fill the car as you contemplated how to successfully fling yourself out of the window.  That would not do right now.  You were not in the right headspace to muster up any coherent form of small talk.  The offer was likely just extended out of pity anyway.  He was a good guy and deemed that that would be the righteous thing to do.  No need to burden him and actually make him follow through with it.

“No, no.  I wouldn’t make you do that.  I’m going to text my friend right now,” you assured him, weakly smiling as you moved the ice pack to the side to retrieve your removed sock and shoe.  “You have a workout to finish anyway.

“It wouldn’t be any trouble,” Jungkook insisted, watching intently as you carefully put your sneaker back on and tied it up at lightning speed.  When he realized you had no plans of speaking again, a defeated sigh pressed through his lips.  Why was he so set on helping you?  “Okay, okay.  As long as your friend is coming soon, that’ll work.  I can walk you to the lobby though.”

Realizing he wasn’t going to let you just run out of the room alone, you forced yourself to nod your head in agreement.  You were being dramatic.  You could handle one more minute in his presence before you imploded.  “Sure, thanks.”  The response came off a bit snappier than you had intended, but did that really matter at this point?  You weren’t going to be able to show your face around him ever again to begin with.

Once you pushed yourself off of the counter, Jungkook encouraged you to lean most of your weight against him as he led you out the door.  As you were already on the first floor of the facility, the walk to the lobby luckily didn’t take too long.  Upon arrival, you plopped down in one of the plush chairs by the door, fishing your phone out of the pocket of your hoodie and pretending to draft a text.  In all honesty, the moment Jungkook disappeared, you intended to wobble your way back to your dorm by twisting your foot to the side to avoid putting pressure on the big toe.  You were well aware that you were going to look ridiculous, but nothing could be more mortifying than what you had already experienced.

Jungkook stood over your chair, rubbing the back of his neck as he rocked from side to side on his feet.  Something about him just exuded nervous energy, and it was making you feel even more on edge.  “You’re sure your friend is able to come soon, right?”

Nodding your head in response, you lifted your hand into a thumbs-up that you regretted the second your hand formed it.  God, you might as well have hit him with some finger guns.  Could you be any cringier?  “Yes, don’t worry.  She’s on her way.  Really, thank you though.”

Shoving his hands into the pockets of his athletic shorts, Jungkook’s eyes scanned your face one last time.  It was almost as if he was searching for any hint of a lie, but if he had been, he wasn’t able to find it.  “Okay, okay… If you insist.  I’m sorry this had to happen to you.  I hope it heals quickly.”  His lips stretched into that signature bunny smile you had witnessed so many times while seeing him with his friends in public, but it almost looked a little more… Bashful.  “I’ll see you around, okay?”

No, no he would not.  You weren’t even sure that he had recognized you from being at the same coffee shop so often, but regardless, you had already planned to avoid the location at all costs.  You couldn’t stand the thought of him possibly approaching you out of pity to check and see if you were okay.

Instead of expressing any of these concerns, you twisted your lips into a small smile and nodded your head at him.  “Mhmm.  See you around.”

After lifting his hand in a wave, Jungkook smiled at you once more before turning on his heel and slowly starting to make his way back toward the main area of the gym.  You watched as he began to disappear, as you planned on rushing out the door the moment he was out of sight.  Right before he rounded the corner, his body twisted to face you once more.  If you hadn’t been so fixated on your own embarrassment, maybe you would’ve noticed the way his cheeks flushed a deep shade of red before he nervously laughed to himself and rounded the corner quickly so he was out of your line of vision.

The moment he disappeared, you gathered your belongings and rose to your feet a bit too quickly, immediately noticing how you forgot to avoid putting pressure on your toe.  Fighting through the pain and fighting to maintain any sense of pride you had left, you began your walk-- or rather, wobble-- home.

God, you needed some wine.

The rest of the week passed by without much trouble, but maybe that was due to your advanced avoiding skills.  Due to having three midterms throughout the week, most of your time was spent holed up alone studying.  While you usually would do most of your studying in your favorite quiet coffee shop, you made it a point to steer clear of it at all costs.  You were well aware that Jungkook also spent a lot of his time in that specific location, and you weren’t ready to show your face to him if it could be prevented.  He had been right; your toe wasn’t broken, but instead just badly bruised.  While your toe may have been fine, your ego certainly wasn’t.  After stumbling home after the incident on that Monday evening, your roommates had a laughing fest at your expense over a few too many bottles of wine.  They attempted to convince you that what had happened really wasn’t that embarrassing, that Jungkook seemed to be really sweet about it, and that such a chaotic event would be ‘the most epic story to tell people about the start of your relationship at your wedding.’  Although you indulged in their pipe dreams for the time being, you were going to stick to your plan: avoid Jungkook at all times possible until enough time had passed that he likely forgot about your humiliating catastrophe.

After a week of cramming for exams and perfecting your evading abilities, you were beyond ready to take a night to unwind and destress. That was precisely why you found yourself out at one of popular college bars by your campus with your friend Jennie on Friday night.  The pair of you weren’t exactly the type to go out and let loose very often as you tried your best to prioritize your studies, but once you allowed yourself to get dressed up and had a few vodka-crans running through your veins, you understood why a lot of college students went out so often and remembered why you used to so much during your freshman year.  The sensation of being tipsy and laughing with your friends was truly therapeutic and a much-needed antidote to counteract the toxic environment of never-ending stress.

Having been at the bar for over an hour, it started to get quite crowded.  As you twirled your straw around in your half-empty drink, you watched as Jennie began to look around at all of the new faces in the bar before freezing and pursing her lips. “Okay, not to make you freak out or anything… But hot coffee shop boy AKA sexy fitness instructor boy AKA Jeon Jungkook is here,” she whisper-yelled at you as she leaned toward your ear.  “He seems drunk… Like really drunk.”

Blinking rapidly as you tried to process this new information, you pulled back from her and began to shake your head.  This certainly was not what you needed to hear right now, but the alcohol in your system calmed you down at least a little bit so you didn’t immediately book it out of the place.  “So what you’re telling me is that I need to hide in the bathroom for the rest of the night?”  Despite your fears, you really wanted to get a glance of him.  Although the bar was quite large, you told yourself it would be too risky.  If experience had taught you anything, it was that even one glance at him could be fatal for you.

“Stop being ridiculous,” Jennie scoffed, shoving your shoulder before taking a long sip of her drink.  Her gaze remained set on the area of the crowded bar that you refused to look toward.  “He’s…” She paused for a moment before her eyes widened.  “Okay, I might be a little drunk, but I’m almost positive he keeps looking over here.”

“Maybe because you’re staring at him and drawing attention to us,” you scolded, narrowing your eyes at her.  “Please stop before I jump over the actual bar and hide behind it.”

Jennie laughed at your dramatic suggestion, eyeing your nervous persona up and down.  “Relax, relax.”  She looked over your shoulder yet again.  “Oh, wait.  He’s on the move now so I don’t think you have to worry.”

Letting out a sigh of relief, you took an extra long sip of your drink.  “Thank god.  I don’t need to relive my earlier trauma on a night out.”

“Wait, fuck.  I think--”

“Ah, is that toe girl?!”

Your whole body froze as you heard the close proximity of a very familiar male voice behind you.  You wanted to believe that your initial guess of what was occurring wasn’t true, but the mixture of shock and amusement on Jennie’s face as she looked over your shoulder at the sight behind you confirmed that your worst nightmare was, in fact, true.

Sucking in a deep breath and downing the rest of your drink before placing it down on the bar, you gave yourself a mental pep talk before slowly turning on your heel to face the source of the voice.  If there hadn’t been a decent amount of alcohol in your system, you were quite certain that you would’ve passed out right then and there.

There before you stood Jungkook with a cheeky grin spread across his lips and arms crossed over his chest as he stared down at, unfortunately, you.  He was sporting a pair of tight, ripped black jeans and a matching black t-shirt.  The clasping of a beer bottle in one hand and the way his arms were folded made his bicep muscles protrude in a manner that had you ready to start drooling.  Jennie had been right; his face was glowing a bright shade of red, likely due to a great deal of alcohol consumption.

Clearing your throat, you forced your lips into a shy smile as you folded your hands together in front of you.  You wished you hadn’t finished your drink so you had something more natural to do with your hands.  It felt as if though your heart was going to explode through your chest, but he was here now and there was no escaping.  “God, is that really what I’m known as now?”

“I mean, kind of.”  Jungkook let out a loud laugh, the corners of his eyes crinkling as he did so.  How was he so fucking gorgeous?  And why the fuck was this beautiful man going out of his way to talk to you on a night out?  “But I won’t call you that anymore.  It’s Y/N, right?”

Your brow furrowed as your mouth opened in surprise.  Wait, what?  Jungkook knew your name?  It felt like your mind was moving at a million miles a minute trying to process just how that could be possible.

A hand reached out from behind you to squeeze your shoulder, Jennie stepping forward and revealing herself after you had forgotten about her existence for a minute.  Her lips were twisted upward into a mischievous smile.  “I see a couple of my friends from one of my classes.  Gonna go say hi to them.  I’ll meet up with you later.”  After not-so-discreetly wiggling her eyebrows at you, she mouthed what appeared to be “good luck” before sauntering off.

“Looks like you’re stuck with me now.”  Jungkook chuckled quietly as he watched Jennie walk away before setting his eyes back on you and smiling warmly.  You were convinced that his smile was going to be the death of you.  “Hopefully you won’t try to run off as quickly as you did the other day.”

“I did not run off!” you scoffed immediately, crossing your own arms over your chest as you feigned offense.  Once again, thank god for alcohol, for you were well aware that this conversation would not be happening without it.  He was right, but you hadn’t realized he had noticed your urgency in escaping that day.  ‘I… I wasn’t even aware that you knew my name.”

“Suuure you didn’t.  You couldn’t get away from me fast enough,” Jungkook teased, leaning forward a bit to nudge his shoulder against yours.  The area of skin he touched immediately felt like it was on fire, as did your cheeks.  “But of course I know your name.  We had Earth Science together last year and you’re always studying at the same coffee shop by North campus that I do.  You’re kind of hard to miss.”

You?  Hard to miss?  Not to mention, the Earth Science class was a lecture with over one hundred students in it, and the professor hardly ever took any form of attendance.  Sure you could say the same thing about you knowing his name, but that was only because you had gone out of your way to find out who he was after becoming captivated by him upon seeing him at the coffee shop.  This didn’t make any sense.  Were you dreaming?  Hallucinating?

Raising an eyebrow at him, you decided to keep your response simple.  “You’ve never talked to me, though…”

“I know, I know.”  Jungkook unfolded his arms and clasped both of his hands around his beer bottle, staring down at his fingers as he tapped them against the glass.  Maybe it was the dim lighting in the bar, but you could’ve sworn his cheeks darkened as he avoided your eyes.  The aroma of cologne and beer coming off of him at the close proximity had you feeling light-headed.  “I’ve always wanted to.  Planned to talk to you at the coffee shop this week, but you were nowhere to be seen.  You just… I… You’re really pretty and you’re always smiling and I kind of freaked out when I saw you taking that class on Monday.  I’m pretty shy and not exactly the most confident person so I have no idea why I’m saying this right now… Definitely all of the beer I’ve drank… But I probably shouldn’t be overstepping or saying any of this anyway since I’m starting to realize that you’ve probably been avoiding me or think I’m weird or something.  Sorry for offering to drive you home the other day… I realized after that that probably seemed creepy coming from a total stranger.”  He looked to the side as he began to nervously tap his foot against the floor.  Something that sounded like a nervous laugh pressed through his lips.  “Fuck.  This is why I barely ever drink.”

Your body remained frozen as you stared at the side of his face, fully aware of the fact that your jaw had dropped and you were visibly gaping at him.  No.  There was absolutely no way that those words came out of his mouth and he meant them.  It had to be the excessive amount of alcohol in his system, right?  Or maybe he was just sweet talking you to try to get laid.  That had to be it, right?  You weren’t sure if you were going to throw up, pass out, or do both at the same time.  The vodka taking over your own system was preventing you from being able to form any sort of coherent thought.  Still, he deserved a response.

“What?  I don’t think you’re weird at all,” you reassured, chewing on your lower lip as you tried to read the expression on his face.  God, you really could have come up with something better than that.

Jungkook’s doe eyes at last met yours again, a disbelieving look in his eyes.  “Then why’d you lie and say your friend was picking you up and end up walking home on a possibly broken toe instead of letting me drive you home?”

Oh my god, he had seen you do that?  You were certain he was completely out of sight when you had dragged yourself out of the building.  To be fair, you hadn’t taken into account the fact that the place was covered with windows that would have given anyone access to see outside the front of the building, but why would he have been looking anyway?  Just as you thought that day couldn’t have gotten any more embarrassing, it did.  

The mix of alcohol in your system and your heart pounding in your chest was quickly becoming too much to handle and making you lose control over your faculties.  Maybe that was why you blurted out, “I-I don't know… You make me nervous.”

“You make me nervous too!”

Before you could even begin to comprehend the weight of his words, another male figure popped up beside Jungkook and draped an arm over his shoulders.  His bright pink hair made him easily identifiable.  It was iced chai, also known as Park Jimin.  If Jennie had noticed he was there, she certainly would have been freaking out.

“There you are!  I’ve been looking for you.  You just disappeared on me,” Jimin informed Jungkook, his gaze quickly moving to set on your distraught form.  If you hadn’t been so out of sorts, perhaps you would’ve noticed the look of recognition in his eyes as they set on you.  “I’m sorry, is he bothering you?  He never usually goes out with us and gets drunk like this, so I’m sorry if he’s a little chaotic.”

Shaking your head at Jimin, you offered him a comforting smiling.  You could feel Jungkook’s concerned eyes burning a hole into the side of your face.  “No, no.  He’s not bothering me at all, don’t worry.”

“Oh, thank god.  I was worried he might do something stupid.”  Jimin let out a sigh of relief, looking between the pair of you.  Could that ‘something stupid’ be what had just occurred?  At last, he gave Jungkook a firm pat on the shoulder.  “We have to get going right now.  Hoseok thought it’d be a good idea to down five tequila shots in a row after all of the beer we drank back at the dorm.  He has his head down on the bar with his eyes closed and I want to get him out of here before he starts puking everywhere.  Afraid you might end up in the same state if you keep drinking at this pace too, dude.”

“I’m fiiine,” Jungkook snapped back at him, rolling his eyes as he shrugged Jimin’s arm off of his shoulder.  He peered at you for a quick second before his eyes averted downward, the nerves that had been there before refusing to go away.  After taking a few moments to ponder what his friend had just told him, he let out a defeated sigh.  “Fine.  We can go.  Only because it’s Hoseok though.”

“I’ve already requested the Uber so we should head outside now,” Jimin urged, glancing over toward where Hoseok likely was sitting at the bar.

“Um.” Jungkook at last forced himself to look at you, his lips curving upward into the slightest smile.  It seemed forced though, and you knew it was because you didn’t have the opportunity to elaborate on and finish the conversation you were having before Jimin butted in.  You also felt as if though you were about to self-implode and needed some time to comprehend what had just unfolded.  “Sorry.  I have to get going, I guess.  I’ll see you around though, okay?”

Nodding your head in agreement, you allowed yourself to return a reassuring smile.  “Okay.  I’ll see you around.”  This time, it was possible that you meant it.

After he gave you one last anxious look, he turned on his heel and followed Jimin’s lead, disappearing out of your sight.

Where the fuck was Jennie?

After scoping out Jennie in the corner of the bar, you had convinced her that it was absolutely necessary to immediately take an Uber home to debrief on what had occurred.  Within half an hour, you had managed to arrive back safely to your dorm and had replaced your uncomfortable clothes with pajamas and your vodka crans with a bottle of wine.  Although your mind felt quite foggy from trying to piece together everything that Jungkook had said, you were able to provide Jennie with at least the majority of the details.

“Wait, hold on.  Let me think about this.”  Jennie threw herself back against your bed, staring up at the ceiling after her head hit the pillows.  “So basically what you’re telling me is that you are to Jungkook what Jungkook is to you?  Like he pretty much admitted to admiring you from afar and being too afraid to talk to you all of this time?” she questioned, eyes wide in amazement.  “God damn, why can’t shit like this happen to me?  This is like some fairytale shit.  You’re so fucking lucky.”

Taking a big swig directly out of the bottle of cheap rosé, you let out an exasperated sigh.  “I don’t know.  It seems too good to be true.  Like, what if he was just really drunk and didn’t know what he was saying?  You even said he seemed really drunk.  Or like, what if he was just being nice because he was trying to get laid?”

“Y/N, don’t be ridiculous.  I know this all seems so unreal because we never thought something like this was possible, but the things he said to you were way too specific to just be a fluke.” Jennie sat up straight again and pulled the bottle of wine out of your hands, taking a sip herself.  “Besides, I was watching you guys from across the bar.  He looked absolutely smitten with you and ridiculously nervous, drunk or not.”

“Fuck, I’m so much better at just daydreaming about guys than actually knowing how to talk to them and attempting to form actual relationships,” you groaned out, closing your eyes and resting your head on Jennie’s shoulder.  “What am I supposed to do?”

“I hate to break it to you since I know this is very out of character for you, but you’re going to have to make the next move.  He laid his cards on the table, and now the ball is in your court.”  Jennie allowed her head to fall on top of yours and passed the bottle of wine back to you.  “Based on what you explained to me, you didn’t really provide him with a whole lot of reassurance that the feeling was mutual and he’s probably feeling super embarrassed right now… Like, definitely more embarrassed than you felt after the whole gym incident.  You have to let him know that you’re interested in him too.”

Letting out a huff, you tapped your fingers against the glass of the bottle of wine.  Jennie did have a valid point, as much as you hated to admit it.  Regardless of Jungkook’s intentions and just how drunk he may have been, he had seemed incredibly flustered after rambling on and exposing what he had to you.  As much as there was still a part of you that was convinced that he hadn’t meant what he said, there was a bigger part of you that was excited about what this could possibly lead to if you followed through with it.  You would have to throw away your nerves and muster up the tiny bit of confidence you had if this was ever going to happen.

“Okay, so what’s the game plan?”

The plan you and Jennie had concocted ended up being a lot more difficult to follow through with than you had initially imagined.  The original scheme involved you approaching him at the coffee shop you both always studied at, but despite the numerous occasions you dropped by and spent hours studying there over the next week, he was nowhere to be found.  It was almost as if he had adopted the same avoiding technique you had the week prior after being embarrassed at what unfolded at the gym.  You weren’t exactly surprised, but it was making this whole thing a lot more complicated for you.  Furthermore, the longer it dragged out, the more anxious you got that maybe this was all a bad idea and that you had misunderstood what he said at the bar.

After a week with no luck, Jennie had convinced you that maybe it would be a better idea to try to track him down at the gym.  Despite going almost every day and keeping your eyes peeled for him, he was nowhere to be seen.  It wasn’t until a few days later that it dawned on you that the group fitness class schedule was posted online, and that it was possible that he now had some classes that were officially assigned to him.  Sure enough, upon checking the recreation website, you quickly discovered that he did have a couple classes that he was set to teach.  While this information certainly was helpful, it was quite unfortunate that every class he led happened to be at the ass-crack of dawn.  God, were you really interested in the type of guy who gets up extra early to work out?  Apparently so.

So that was precisely how you found yourself rolling up to the gym at 6:45am on a Tuesday morning, eyes heavy with exhaustion as you searched for the room the class was being held in.  Your heart was pounding and your palm was sweaty against your water bottle, but you were too dedicated to turn around at this point.  You had spent over a week trying to track him down, and you at last had.

When you entered the room, Jungkook had not arrived yet.  There were already quite a few girls in the room setting up their equipment, so you followed suit.  As most participants were often too intimidated to take the spots up front and center in front of where the instructor stood, you took it upon yourself to do the honors.  Of course you knew this would make Jungkook want to run the other way, but the thrill of making him as nervous as you were that last time was too exciting to turn down.

The door of the room opened and closed once more, and you didn’t even have to look up to feel his presence.  Here we go.  “Hi, everyone!  Welcome to class.  My name is Jungkook and I’ll be your instructor toda--” His voice cut off at the end of his statement, and when you finally allowed your eyes to set on him, he was already looking at you with wide eyes and tinted cheeks.  Within a millisecond, his eyes found the ground and he apprehensively took his spot directly in front of you.  The poor guy didn’t have a choice.  “U-Um, if you guys have any questions before we get started, please don’t hesitate to wave me over!”  You had a very strong feeling he was praying you wouldn’t wave him over.

The plan you had created before arriving was to wait until after class was over to ask him if he could talk for a few minutes.  You knew it wouldn’t be fair to put him on the spot before class, and you didn’t exactly feel comfortable confessing your feelings for him in front of twenty other girls who were probably drooling over him as well either.  

You managed to follow through with the plan, not communicating with Jungkook at all before and throughout the class except for a few soft smiles and some attempted eye contact.  The eye contact thing didn’t go over so well though, for whenever you did manage to get Jungkook to lock eyes with you, he’d immediately turn bright red and force himself to look everywhere but at you.  His nervous stammering through the microphone when giving instructions was almost too cute to handle.

When the class finally did come to an end and you were a sweaty mess, you sucked in a deep breath as you watched the rest of the participants start to put away their equipment.  Setting your eyes on Jungkook, you smiled slightly.  “Hey, can we talk?”

Jungkook looked up from his phone, eyes wide and clearly panicked.  He scanned your face carefully, almost as if he was trying to guess what your intentions were.  At last, he swallowed the lump in his throat and shoved his phone into his pocket.  “U-Um, sure, I guess.  Let’s just wait until everyone clears out.”

Nodding in agreement, you sat back and watched as the rest of the participants put their materials back in the closet and slowly began to file out of the room.  With each person that left, you could sense Jungkook getting more and more anxious.  He seemed to be mindlessly checking things around the room, his eyes darting back and forth between the door and any part of you that wasn’t your eyes.  By the time the last girl exited, your heart was pounding in your chest as well.

Clearing your throat, you watched as Jungkook walked to the front of the room to shut the door, seeming to take as long as humanly possible to pull it closed.  Just as you were about to speak the pitch you had practiced in your head and to Jennie numerous times over the past week, he opened his mouth.

“Look, I’m not sure exactly what’s going on here and I know that I might have been a bit overbearing when I was drunk last week, but if you’re just here to make me nervous and make fun of me and my awkward self for having a crush on you, you can just leave.”  He at last whipped around to face you, a sad expression taking over his features as he began to pace back and forth, running a hand through his sweaty hair.  He resembled something like a wounded puppy, and the longer you stared at him, the more you noticed just how exhausted and agitated he looked.

That definitely was not what you had expected and you felt awful that he had spent over a week thinking that you were probably teasing him with your friends for what he had said to you at the bar.  Furrowing your brow, you pushed yourself up to your feet and crossed your arms over your chest.  The planned speech was not going to do in these circumstances.  You would have to cut straight to point.

“I dropped that weight on my foot because I’ve been ridiculously attracted to you for over a year and got embarrassingly flustered at the sight of your shirt riding up during class.”

Jungkook stopped dead in his tracks, clasping both of his hands behind his head as he at last allowed himself to look at you.  His eyes were wide in shock, his head tilted just slightly to the left.  “Wait, what?”

“I didn’t want you to drive me home because I was already so embarrassed and was so nervous that I would’ve only embarrassed myself more trying to talk to you without making a complete fool out of myself.”

As you spoke again, Jungkook hesitantly took a couple of steps in your direction.  It seemed as if though his expression was slowly softening, and what almost appeared to be a small smile was fighting to form on the corners of his lips.  “I asked you to borrow a pen that one time in Earth Science with plans to work up the nerve to talk to you at the end of class when I had to give it back, but instead I just kept it and ran out of the room because I got too nervous.”

Unable to hide your own smile now, you allowed yourself to take a step toward him.  The closer you got to each other, the more the tension in the room built.  “I lied and said that I had an extra pen that day, but really I gave you my only one and just didn’t take notes that whole class.”

At last, that familiar bunny smile stretched across Jungkook’s whole face, his chest bubbling in laughter as he threw his head back.  “I once tried to ‘accidentally’ drop a book near you at the coffee shop in hopes that you’d pick it up and talk to me, but instead I just dropped it and tripped over it.”  Another step forward.

Giggling quietly, you chewed on your lower lip as you advanced forward.  “My friends and I have collectively referred to you by the code name ‘hot coffee shop boy’ ever since the first time I saw you there.  Also, ‘sexy gym instructor boy’ since last week.”

Jungkook’s eyes were boring into yours at this point, his body inching forward just slightly as his toes finally bumped against yours.  The tension-- not just from what was happening at the moment, but also from a year of pining after each other-- was so close to bubbling over.  “My friends and I know you as ‘hot coffee shop girl.’  Also, ‘toe girl’ since last week.”  The warm smile on his lips had twisted into a sort of mischievous smirk.

Leaning your head forward the slightest bit, your breath hitched in your throat as you could feel the warmth of his breath against your lips.  “If I haven’t made it clear yet, I’m extremely into you.”

Jungkook’s eyes-- which had darkened quite a bit over the last minute-- flickered down to your lips, his own head leaning forward an inch.  With this movement, the tip of his nose brushed against yours.  “And if I haven’t made it obvious yet, I’m extremely into you too.”

Before you could utter another word, Jungkook closed the minimal space remaining between the two of you by crashing his plump lips into yours.  His hands moved up to cup your cheeks, one moving along the back of your head to tangle into your hair.  Your own hands gripped to the front of his shirt as you stumbled back a bit due to the impact, your back bumping against the mirror in the front of the room.  The tension that had previously been building had popped the moment his lips met yours, but as his fingers tugged on your hair and his tongue found its way between your lips, you felt it resurfacing, this time between your legs.  You felt a bit flustered getting turned on this quickly by him, but when you put it into perspective, you had been waiting for this moment to unravel for over a year.  As your hands slid up the front of his shirt to rest on his defined core, you were certain you could feel his length getting hard against your thigh.

Pulling away after a minute, Jungkook rested his forehead against yours and stared deeply into your eyes as he breathed heavily.  There was a playful smirk on his lips as he dropped the hand from your face and rested it on your hip.  It was nice to see that he had finally let his guard down.  “So, I have to ask.  Are you more for sex first or a fancy date first?  I’m happily offering both, but we’re both kind of coming off a bit impatient here.”

Biting your tongue to hold in your laughter, you couldn’t ignore the way that the heat in the pit of your stomach was quickly sinking down lower between your legs.  “You know, if you hadn’t been so difficult to track down this past week, I may have taken you up on that fancy date first.”  You ghosted your fingers over his stomach, eliciting a surprised jolt out of him.  “But after you made me wait so long, I think you just might have to fuck me first.”

Jungkook’s eyes widened in surprise at your lewd words before he smirked and pressed his body against yours a bit harder, leaning forward to kiss a trail of wet kisses down your jawline.  “I’m happy to be at your service, but we’re kind of out in the open here.  I could drive us back to my room, that is if you’ll actually get in the car with me this time.”

Rolling your eyes at his teasing comment, you shoved at his chest.  Regardless, you couldn’t deny the fact that you were feeling incredibly impatient and weren’t sure you would be able to handle the wait while he transported you across campus.  Chewing on your lower lip, your eyes scanned the room.  “Equipment closet.  It’s spacious enough, it locks, and there’s no windows.”

“Jesus Christ,” Jungkook muttered under his breath, eyes searching your face for any hint of a lie.  When he didn’t find any, he smirked and pulled back, grabbing your hand in his.  “You know, I had planned on doing a lot of things today, but fucking in an equipment closet at the ripe hour of eight in the morning certainly wasn’t one of them.”

“Get used to it, hot coffee shop boy.”  Smirking to yourself, you allowed him to drag you towards the closet, pressing your back against the door after he closed and locked it behind you.  “Are you complaining?”

Rapidly shaking his head, Jungkook leaned forward and peppered kisses along your neck and collarbone, only pulling back to tug your shirt and sports bra over your head.  “No, no.  Just concerned you’re going to be the death of me before I even get started with you.”  Taking a step back, he pulled his own shirt over his head before allowing his eyes to rake up and down your body.  A combination of lust and admiration filled his eyes as he stepped toward you again.  “God, you really are so beautiful.”

Despite the fact that you had both been completely open with each other and the current situation being far from romantic, you felt your cheeks heating up at his compliment.  Shaking your head, you poked him in the stomach.  “Speak for yourself.  That’s the reason why I almost broke my toe.”

Throwing back his head in laughter, Jungkook stepped forward and wrapped his arms around your waist, lifting your body up and placing you down on top of a few stacked crates full of equipment.  “Mmm, I can make it up to you right now.”

Leaning forward, you pressed a few kisses along the corners of his lips and his jaw.  “And how are you going to do that?”

“Shhh, patience.”  Jungkook grinned as he bent down, slowly kissing a trail down your neck and collarbones.  When he reached your breasts, he slowed down his pace, carefully taking one of your nipples between his lips and softly sucking at the skin.  Once he established a rhythm that he was satisfied with, he lifted a hand and latched it around your other breast, kneading the skin between his fingers.

Letting out a soft moan, you threw your head back in pleasure and closed your eyes.  Your hands fastened around his neck, gently tugging at the hair on the back of his head.  The longer his lips and hands worked at your breasts, the more the heat between your legs throbbed.  “How am I supposed to be patient when I’ve waited so long for this?”

Jungkook’s eyes flickered up to meet yours, his lips making a popping noise as he removed them from your breast.  “You make a fair point.”  Kissing down your stomach, he urged you to lift your hips as he tugged your leggings and panties down your legs and allowed them to fall into a pile on the floor.  Kneeling down on the floor, his lips trailed their way up the inside of your thigh.  “Mmm, so wet already and I’ve barely even touched you.”

Whimpering softly at the feeling of his lips so close to where you needed them, you bucked your hips upward in an attempt to feel any sort of friction.  “P-Please.”

Chuckling quietly, Jungkook’s dark eyes remained on yours as he ghosted his lips over your dripping pussy.  The shy, insecure boy that he claimed to be earlier was nowhere to be found.  Instead, he was now indulging in the power he held over you.  “Who made you this wet?  Tell me.”

“You, J-Jungkook.  You did,” you whined out, attempting to push down on the back of his head.

Jungkook flashed you a satisfied smirk, nodding his head.  “That’s all I needed to hear, babe.”  Without another word, he gripped his hands around your thighs roughly and lifted your legs to drape over his shoulders.  Leaning forward, he closed the remaining space and attached his lips to your pussy.  Rather than making you wait any longer to have the tension relieved, he immediately went to work on your throbbing clit, gently sucking at the sensitive bundle of nerves.  Once he was pleased by the moans leaving your lips and the clenching of your thighs, he pulled his lips off and replaced it with his tongue.  Expertly circling his tongue on your clit, he reached one hand down and, without warning, began to pump one of his fingers in and out of your pussy.

“F-Fuck, oh my god, Jungkook,” you moaned out loudly, pulling harshly at his hair with one hand and reaching the other up to pinch at one of your nipples.  “R-Right there.”

“Mmm, need to get you stretched out and ready for my cock,” he murmured against your heat, quickly inserting another finger and curving them at the perfect angle to hit your g-spot with every pulse.  After circling your clit with his tongue a few more times, he encircled the bud with his lips yet again, this time humming against it to add an extra feeling of friction.

The sensation of his tongue and fingers working on your pussy and the sight of his glistening face was quickly becoming too much to handle.  With every movement, the bundle of nerves in your core was getting closer and closer to snapping and sending you into that blissful state you so longed for.  Biting down on your lower lip roughly, you closed your eyes tightly.  “I-I’m close.”

“Open your eyes.  I want you looking at me while you cum all over my tongue,” he rasped out after pulling back slightly, only leaning back down once you obeyed his command.  After a moment, he wet two of his fingers on his tongue before quickly beginning to circle them on your clit, moving his tongue in and out of your cunt at the same speed.

“F-Fuck, Jungkook!” you yelled out, forcing your eyes to remain open and fixed on his as you were quickly sent over the edge and into a state of ecstasy.  Your walls spasmed around his tongue as your vision became blurry and filled with stars.  The feeling was only prolonged as Jungkook kept moving his tongue until you couldn’t take it anymore and reached forward to push his head back slightly, left completely breathless as you stared at him.

Getting off his knees and onto his feet, Jungkook stared down at you in awe, leaning forward to press his forehead against yours.  The sight of your release on his lips that he refused to wipe off had your core already begging for more.  “God, that was so fucking hot.  You’re so fucking beautiful.”  Letting out a deep breath, he pecked your lips a couple times.

“How are you so fucking good at that?” you muttered against his lips, blindly reaching forward in search of the tie on his sweatpants.  Once you found it, you tugged roughly at it, sitting up straighter to urge both his pants and boxers down his thighs.

Chuckling to himself, Jungkook assisted you and pulled the articles of clothing down the length of his legs, stepping out of them once they reached the floor.  “I’d like to think that I’m a gentleman in the streets and a freak in the sheets…” His eyes wandered around the room for a moment.  “Or in the gym equipment room, apparently.”  

Rolling your eyes and giggling at his joke, you pulled him forward again to peck his lips.  “You know, if you moved to the side and let me get up, I’d happily return the favor.”  Your eyes wandered down the front of his body until they set on his hardened cock resting against his stomach, the sight of it causing you to clench your thighs together.

Shaking his head in response, Jungkook flashed you a shy smile.  God, how could he be so sexual yet so cute at the same time?  “As enticing as that sounds and as much as I would never turn that down on any other occasion, I’m afraid I’m not going to last if I don’t fuck you right now.”  Stepping forward, he looked down before cursing under his breath.  “Fuck, I don’t have a condom on me.  We don’t have fuck to if you’re not comfortable.”

“Wow, you didn’t bring a condom with you to your 7am fitness class?  How irresponsible of you,” you joked, shoving his shoulder before pulling him closer to you.  “I’m on the pill and I’m clean, so as long as you’re clean it’s fine with me.”

“You know, you’re going to regret teasing me,” he warned, laughing softly as he nudged his nose against yours.  “But yes, I’m clean too.”

Wrapping your arms around his neck, you raised a mocking eyebrow at him.  “Oh yeah?  And why am I going to regret it?”

Without another word, Jungkook reached down and grabbed his cock with one of his hands.  Rather than pushing it right inside of you, he instead slowly started to rub its angry red tip up and down your folds.  His eyes remained on yours, a teasing smirk tugging at the edges of his lips.

Biting on your tongue to suppress your whimpers, your eyes wandered down to the area between your thighs.  “W-What are you doing?”

Pressing his lips against your jawline, he let out an amused chuckle.  “Nothing until you tell me what you need.  Use your words, sweetheart.”

Reaching around him, you dug your nails into the skin on his upper back.  It wasn’t in your character to beg during sex, but the sight of the tip of his cock glistening in your juices from your first orgasm was enough to make you give in.  “P-Please fuck me, Jungkook.”  You forced yourself to lock eyes with him, hoping that the desperation you were exuding would be enough to make him cave.

Grinning in amusement against the skin of your neck, he nodded his head.  “Good girl.”  Sliding his cock down your folds one last time, he slowly slid it inside of your entrance once he reached it, a loud groan escaping his lips as he pushed all the way inside of you.  “F-Fuck, you’re so tight.”

Moaning out in pleasure at the feeling of fullness, you whimpered as you watched the sight of his cock disappearing inside of you.  The spectacle alone was enough to make the heat in your core reemerge, and your body was pleading for him to do more.  “M-Move.  F-Faster, please.”

Grabbing one of your legs, he extended it upward and propped it over his shoulder.  After getting a good grip on it, he quickly began to thrust in and out of you.  “Yeah?  You like that, babe?” he breathed out, his eyes screwing shut in pleasure before he buried his face into your neck again.

Dragging your nails down his sweaty back, you were sure you were going to leave some marks behind.  It only took a few moments for the feeling of overstimulation to wash away, and a new, deeper pleasure to replace it.  With your leg hanging over his shoulder, his cock managed to hit you at just the right angle with every thrust.  Using your grip on his back to press your body closer to his, you took the opportunity to wrap your free leg tightly around his waist.  The new position made it so his cock brushed against your clit every time he pulled it out of you, the feeling nearly having your eyes rolling to the back of your head.  “O-Oh my god, right there.”

Jungkook’s half-lidded eyes remained fixed on yours as he lifted one hand off of your thigh, pressing his index and middle finger together and moving them toward your mouth.  “Open.”  Once you complied, he inserted his fingers into your mouth.  His teeth dug into his lower lip as he watched the way you closed your lips, swirling your tongue around his digits a couple of times before sliding your lips back up and releasing them with a loud ‘pop.’  There was a mesmerized look in Jungkook’s eyes as his thrusts slowed for a moment.  “J-Jesus fuck, that was hot.”

A cocky smirk initially tried to spread across your lips, but it was washed away the moment he began to circle his lubricated fingers over your clit, his cock pounding in and out of your pussy at a pace that had you ready to unravel at any second.  “I-I’m close.”

Letting out what sounded like a combination of a groan and a whimper, Jungkook leaned forward and brushed his lips over yours.  “Cum all over my cock for me, babe.”

“J-Jungkook, f-fuck!” The sound of his raspy command and the feeling of his cock inside of you was all it took to push you over the edge again.  Your second orgasm hit you even harder than the first, a sensation of rapturous bliss overtaking your senses as your toes curled and your thighs were left convulsing around his body.  While your mind went foggy for a few seconds, the strain that was left in the back of your throat suggested that you had yelled out in pleasure quite loudly.  The euphoria was dragged out even longer as Jungkook had yet to reach his own high, his thrusts becoming sloppier as you stared up at him with hazy vision, gasping for breath.

“I-I’m close too,” Jungkook whimpered out, eyes screwing shut as your walls continued to twitch around his cock in the aftershock of your orgasm.  “W-Where do you want me to cum, babe?”

Coming back to your senses, you blinked a few times until your vision returned back to normal.  Finally processing his request, you used quite a bit of your strength to push him back a bit, ignoring the confused look on his face.  Using the space in front of you, you pushed yourself off of the elevated surface before getting down on your knees.  “My mouth.”  Reaching forward, you grasped his shaft in one hand, pumping his length a few times before leaning down and capturing his tip between your lips.  After circling your tongue around it a few times, you hollowed out your cheeks and began to bob your head up and down.

“O-Oh my… F-Fuck, Y/N.” Jungkook quickly adapted to the new sensation, his hands reaching around your head to tangle into your hair and urge your head down his cock further.  He locked eyes with you from above, his legs trembling around your head.  Taking notice of just how close he was, you forced your mouth down further to accommodate the rest of his cock in your mouth, swallowing around his length at the bottom.  The motion and the feeling of the tip of his length hitting the back of your throat was enough to make you gag, and that was all it took to push Jungkook to his climax.

Jungkook was a groaning mess above you as he released his load down your throat, unconsciously thrusting into your mouth further a couple of times to ride out of high.  After a few more spurts of his hot cum filled your mouth, you worked your mouth back up his length.  Once your lips popped off of the tip of his cock, you pulled back and swallowed thickly, the salty taste of his release lingering in your throat.

After taking a few moments to catch his breath, Jungkook reached down and grabbed your hand, pulling you up onto your feet in front of him.  Despite the crude nature of what had just occurred, the smile stretched across his lips seemed so… Innocent.  “Well… That happened.”  He reached up and pushed the sweaty hair that was sticking to his forehead out of his face.

Laughing softly at his words, you bit your lip and crossed your arms over your chest.  “I mean, that’s certainly one way to work out at the gym.”

Jungkook’s whole body shook as he erupted into laughter, leaning down and beginning to grab all of your discarded clothing articles off of the ground.  He sorted through them and handed you back yours, beginning to redress himself after.  Once he was dressed, he grabbed a towel out of one of the crates and made sure the area was clean.  “Don’t forget we worked out before too.  That’s two whole workouts.  We’re going to need to fuel up with some electrolytes or coffee or something.”

Forcing your damp leggings back onto your sweaty body wasn’t exactly the easiest or most enjoyable thing to do, but you managed.  Once your shirt was back on, you looked back over at him and feigned an exaggerated amount of excitement.  “Oh my god, am I going to be able to get coffee with hot coffee shop boy?”

“Only if hot coffee shop girl would be so willing to accompany him,” Jungkook jived, nudging your shoulder with his before unlocking and pulling open the door of the closet.  To your relief, the room was still empty and there seemed to be no one lurking outside of it.  Grabbing his backpack at the front of the room, he slung it over his shoulder.  “It might be a good idea for us to shower first, though.  I have a strong suspicion that we probably smell prettttty bad.”

Grabbing your own bag and water bottle, you laughed in amusement as you followed him out the door of the classroom and into the main area of the gym.  “I have a feeling you’re right.  Should we shower and plan to meet up after?”

Walking through the lobby, Jungkook held open the main door for you before following you outside.  It was much brighter out now than when you had arrived at the facility almost two hours prior.  Time really does fly by when you’re having fun.  “I feel like we can’t really be trusted with the whole ‘see you around’ thing and going our separate ways just yet after the shit we both pulled avoiding each other the past couple weeks.  Plus, I’m not quite done with you just yet.”

Snickering at the reminder of your past dramatic behavior, you nodded your head in agreement.  “So what did you have in mind?”

Stopping in his tracks, Jungkook turned to face you.  “So first, I was thinking you could come back to my place and we could both shower there.  I could provide you with some clothes for the time being, but if you need to change later, I can bring you back to your place.”  The corners of his lips began to twitch upward.  “However, that would require you getting into my car with me, and history suggests that doing so ‘makes you nervous,’ or something like that.”

“Hmm, I’m pretty sure I remember something about me making you nervous too.  I think some weird drunk guy told me that.”  Scoffing at his flirtatious teasing, you playfully shoved his chest.  “Anything else planned?”

“Hey, that ‘weird drunk guy’ is the reason we’re here today,” he scoffed, grabbing one of your hands off of his chest and lacing his fingers with yours.  “Then I was thinking we could go to our favorite coffee shop.  But… And I know this is kind of a wild idea... I’m thinking we sit at the same table for the first time instead of dropping pens and books to try to get each other’s attention from across the room.”

Squeezing his hand, you began to follow him as he led the way to what you assumed was going to be his car.  “A bold suggestion, but I’m into it.  Might have you drop a book at my feet and I’ll stare at you across the room longingly just for old time’s sake.”  When you reached a shiny black SUV, Jungkook unlocked it and walked around the passenger side, opening the door for you.  “So I’m guessing these plans involve us skipping classes today?”

“Well, obviously.”  Jungkook flashed you a bright grin as you climbed into the car, shutting the door gently once you were in the seat.  He ran around the front of it and quickly hopped into the driver’s seat, leaning over to look at you once inside.  “And then once the evening comes, as I suggested earlier, I would still love to take you out to dinner, if you’d let me.”  Despite everything that had just unfolded and all of the confessions you both had shared, there still appeared to be a glimmer of nervousness and hesitation in his eyes.

Leaning to the side, you reached over and placed your hand on top of his.  Your lips formed into a reassuring smile.  “I would love to.”

Jungkook lifted your hand that was over his to his lips and pressed a gentle kiss against your fingers.  “Good.”  Turning to face forward, he started the car and began to back out of the space.  As he looked at the pathway in front of the gym, he directed a mischievous smirk at you.  “Remember that time you walked back to your room on a swollen toe to avoid getting into my car with me?  Good times.”

Letting out a groan, you covered your flushed face with both of your hands.  “If you don’t shut up, I’m about to hit you with a ‘see you around’ and roll right out of the side of your car while it’s moving.”

“Okay, okay.  I’m sorrrry,” Jungkook laughed to himself, grabbing the wrist closest to him to pull your hand off of your face.  “As compensation for your shame, I will make another embarrassing confession.”  He knitted his brow together as he thought for a few moments before chuckling to himself as a memory came to mind.  “I once accidentally liked one of your Instagram pictures that was like… 72 weeks old and almost considered moving to another country and changing my identity.  I unliked it right away and you probably didn’t even notice, but I was stressed.  There.  Does that make you feel better?”

Gnawing on the inside of your cheek to hide your smile, you glanced at the side of his face.  “Mmm, a little bit.  I think I’m going to need you to keep going.”

Jungkook scoffed as he placed your hand that he was holding down on his thigh, shaking his head in disbelief.  “How is that fair?  I think I deserve some form of payment if I’m going to keep exposing myself too.”

“Fine, fine.”  You gently squeezed his thigh, your mind sifting through all of the embarrassing things you had done in the past due to your embarrassing infatuation of the boy who was now sitting beside you.  “I tried to order you, like, a sort of secret admirer coffee on Valentine’s Day, but the barista ended up giving it to the wrong guy and I ended up leaving the shop because I was so mortified.”

“Aw, I’ve always wanted to have a secret admirer,” Jungkook teased, parking the car in front of his building.  “God, we really could go on forever with these embarrassing stories, huh?”

Nodding your head, you reached your hand up and playfully poked at his dimple.  “It sure seems that way.  We’re kind of the worst.”

Unbuckling his seatbelt and hopping out of the car, he met you at the front of it and draped an arm over your shoulders.  “Good.  Just gives me another reason to keep you around longer.”

And while ‘see you around’ hadn’t been a promise that either of you kept before, keeping you around from then on certainly was one that he fulfilled.

[amor-immortalem]

You’re Important to Me part 4

Part 1 | part 2| part 3

Genre: angst/comfort

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Chat: Troublemaker (affectionate)

Lucifer: Come home immediately. We need to talk.

Mammon: bout what? If its one of your shitty punishments. Think I’ll pass.

Lucifer rested his head on his desk letting out a groan. The second-born was frustrating him to no end. However, the first-born supposes he’s made him this way from everything he’s put him through. Picking up the pill bottle, he rolled it in his hand and watched as the contents slid from one side to the other. He placed them in a locked door in his desk as he thought about how they had been this close to losing yet another sibling.

A soft rapping on the office door pulled his attention back to the present.

“Enter,” he sat up straight as the guest joined him. It was Levi.

“Do you think Mammon still loves us. I-I’ve really been thinking about what’s been going on….. about our family. What if he leaves us? We lost Lilith. I-I don’t want to lose him too…” The Avatar of Envy’s voice quaked. Back when they were angels they were once close- almost even closer than the twins.

“I’m sure he does, Levi.” His response was hollow words. If Lucifer was being honest, he didn’t really know how Mammon felt about them currently. If he were the one in Mammon’s shoes, he would absolutely despise his brothers.“He’s currently refusing to come home, however. It’s likely that he knows what went on today and that’s why he broke up with the human we all know he cherishes so deeply. He didn’t want us to know.”

“I knew it! He hates us and never wants to see our faces again.”

“Leviathan, I never said that.” Lucifer’s voice was stern. “Please calm down before you throw yourself into a panic attack. He has to come home eventually, and we’ll all talk then- if not tonight then definitely tomorrow morning. For now, maybe you should go play one of your games. If you’d like I could join you to help take your mind off this whole debacle.”

Levi nodded his head slowly. “ I would appreciate that….. Actually, I had made this rpg specifically to play-test with Mammon but if you wanted to….we could play it together.”

“That’s a wonderful idea, Levi.”

Finally deciding to make his way home, Mammon pushed open the heavy doors to the house. The last thing he wanted to do was face his brothers right now. He already anticipated their reactions. The teasing and mocking that would be thrown his way- there wasn’t any escape for him now, was there? At least no one was here at the moment- that much he could be greatful for.

As he made his way up to his room, the demon made sure to avoid the places he knew his brothers would frequent at this time of night. Once there, he slipped inside and tossed the bag of clothes he had modeled in today from the top of of the stairs into the walk in closet with practiced precision. When he turned his head, he saw her small, blurry form just lying there on the couch.

“Why’re you in here? Ya got a room if your own dontcha?”

“I just….. sorry. I pushed too hard, didn’t I?” Arella’s voice sounded hurt. “It was just that I thought this might be the only place I could go and you’re brothers wouldn’t come looking for me. I’m still really angry with them. Not that they would anyway, not with how I screamed and yelled at them earlier...”

“And Lucifer didn’t kill ya on the spot? Its a miracle you’re alive after that.” He let out a chuckle. “I can’t tell if you’re incredibly brave or just plain dumb.”

“Maybe both…..” Arella sighed, “I… um… I’ll go back to my room now.” As she stood and made her up the staircase, he could feel the sadness radiating off of their pact mark.

“‘Rella, wait.” He grabbed her by the arm. “Don’t go. I don’t mind if ya stay…. We should talk about earlier, okay?”

He watched as she nodded a small frown on her face. Now that he could see her more clearly, he noticed the puffy eyes and tear tacks streaked down her cheeks. Now he just felt worse.

“I was thinkin’ real hard about this morning and I’m sorry for what I said earlier.” He started, “I don’t… I don’t really think we should break up…. I know you were just trying to help. That you were worried and scared for me.”

“I was…. Can I tell you something?“ she asks as he nods. “Seven years ago, I lost my little brother and then six months later my mother to suicide. One to cyber bullying, the other because she was so consumed with grief from the loss of a child that she saw no way to go on…. Do you know what was like….. to find their bodies? To realize you could have helped them if you had just paid attention and seen the warning signs? It still affects me to this day….They were the only blood related family I had left until I had found a new family here in the Devildom with you and your brothers. A-and then when you were saying all those things last night, I- I flashed back to the night I had found my brother but instead of him it was you and I-I-”

Mammon pulled the human tight against his chest in what could have been a bone crushing hug if he wasn’t careful and she buried her face in his chest. Her body shook with with muffled sobs.

“I’m sorry. I was running my mouth without thinking ‘bout what that might do to everyone- worst of all you….” He leaned down, pressing a kiss to the top of her head. “I wont say things like that ever again. No matter how I’m feelin’.

He walked her back towards the bed, letting her get in as he went to go change into some more comfortable clothes for sleeping. He joined her in bed shortly after, pulling her close as he wiped the stray tears from his cheeks. Arella moved closer so she could lay her head on his chest listening to his heartbeat, her crying reduce to quiet sniffles and hiccups by this point.

“Ya know, I think you just wasted your breath when you were yellin’ at my brothers earlier…. I think to them, I’ll just always be the family screw up. I’m already dreading the teasing I’ll get tomorrow at breakfast….”

“It had to be done, though. I think I managed to set them all straight….If you could have seen the look on their faces when I lost control of my temper and fried all the electronics in the common room or when I commanded Asmo to sit so hard he crashed face first into the floor….”

“Wait…you did what?” He quirked an eyebrow as he stared down at her before breaking into a soft laugh, “Ya really are something else, Hon, ya know that? I’ve never met someone who would fight for me like this before- who would call my brothers out on their bullshit.”

“Only because I know you don’t deserve to be treated this way…. You… you deserve good things and to be treated well by the people who you love most.” She yawned as she stretched out a little more in his embrace. “And because I love you and I would be lost if anything were to happen to you.” Her eyes were starting to slip closed.

“I love you too, babe.” The demon hummed as he started to card his fingers through her hair. As soon as he was sure she was out like a light he pressed his lips to the crown of her heard once more.

“Thank you for being here on my worst days, for being my little ray of sunshine down here in the dark.”

Once the morning came around, most of Mammon’s brothers gathered in the common room. They were awaiting the entrance of the Avatar of Greed as it was nearly breakfast time.

Lucifer had figured Mammon would be avoiding them as if they had the plague, so he instructed Beel to drag him in here by any means necessary. They all knew he was successful when they heard Mammon let out a surprised yelp and the clattering of a bowl against the floor.

“C’mon, Beel, Let me go!”

“Not until we all talk.”

“Talk? What’s there to talk about? I didn’t do nothin’ so let me go!’

Both demons soon entered the dining room as the sixth-born sat his older on the couch facing all of them, holding him down by his shoulders so Mammon couldn’t escape despite how he squirmed and tried to wiggle his way out of Beel’s grasp.

“Mammon, stop struggling.” It was a request from eldest, a chance to cooperate. “We all have some words we’d like to say to you.”

Mammon froze at that statement. Here it came: all the ridicule and teasing. He wanted to run. He was the second strongest of them, maybe if he tried hard enough, he could shake his little brother off and get away. What good would that do him though? His brothers would just corner him later anyway so maybe it was just best to get it over with now.

He looked towards his brothers’ blurry figures, a million different thoughts rushing his head. He couldn’t tell their expressions from this distance but they had to be smiling, right- ready to laugh at him any minute now. His body tensed as he braced himself for the harsh sting of their words.

“Mammon, we’re sorry,” Asmo was the first to speak up after a short moment of silence, “We love you so much even though we suck at showing it.”

“You did so much for us after we fell,- you still do a lot for us even now,” the seventh-born picked his head up from the table,“And I don’t think we ever told you how much we all appreciate it…. If it weren’t for you, I don’t even think we would still be a family… don’t forget, you’re the one who kept us all in line when Lucifer would lock himself away in his office back then.”

“I know we act like you’re just a burden to us,” Satan started, “but I think all of us would agree that life would be so boring without you here.”

“Yeah, I-I mean who else would take the time to play games with me when I’m down in the dumps?” Levi asked.

“Or risk getting strung up from the chandelier to get me the food that I want from the human world?” Beel cut in.

“Or compliment me on my outfit or hair no matter what form I choose to take for the day. Or is always there to hype me up when I’m having a bad day? Hell, you even gave up the position of DevilStyle’s cover model just for me! Honestly I think you might be the best big brother out there.”

“We know about all the things you’ve done in secret for us- the things you don’t take credit for,” Lucifer smiled softly, “I’m proud to call you my brother for that. We love you and while you may make some poor life choices from time to time, our lives just wouldn’t be the same without you.”

Mammon looks at them in a daze. Was this really happening? His brothers were…. Apologizing? To him of all people? This had to be a dream. There was no reality in which his brothers really cared about him. The second-born pinched the skin on his arm. That’s what you did to check if you were dreaming, right?

Harder, harder he pinched until the spot was sure to bruise. It wasn’t until Beelzebub placed his hand over his that Mammon realized he wasn’t dreaming. This was reality.

Tears welled in his eyes as he processed the words he just heard. One tear fell down his cheek soon followed by another then another until eventually the demon let out a sob.

“Th-This ain’t real! It ain’t!” The second-born yelled, his body shaking as he sobbed harder. “I’m still dreamin’. I-I gotta be! None of this is real…”

His brothers moved to embrace him- first the sixth-born, then the eldest and then the youngest. One by one, the rest of their brothers followed suit until the seven of them all somehow managed to end up on the floor in one giant cuddle pile, his face pressed into Lucifers as they allowed their brother to cry out all the tears he’d been bottling up for all these centuries.

It seemed they were going to be there a while- Good thing Lucifer had called Diavolo to tell him they wouldn’t be attending RAD today. That this was a more important matter to attend to.

“This stops today, Lucifer announced to his siblings once Mammon had stopped crying. “From today on, the six of us will make a conscious effort to change the ways we’ve talk to and treated you.”

“And if we get too out of hand, feel free to put us in our place,” Belphegor chuckled. “We can be blockheads from time to time.”

“The point is,” Asmodeus sighed as he hugged his brother a little tighter, “We all messed up big time. We just want to make you feel loved and appreciated again- like you’re an important part of this family.”

“We lost Lilith.” It was Beel’s turn to speak. “We’re not losing you too.”

Mammon smiled at his brothers’ words. Finally, he had thought, finally they were showing their true feelings to him after all these centuries.

“Thanks guys…..” the demon’s voice sounded cracked and strained from all the crying he had done earlier. “Even after everything that’s happened I wouldn’t trade y’all for the world. I love you guys.”

A chorus of ‘I love you too’s sounded from the group of demons as another family hug commenced. Eventually, as hours passed, one by one, they had all fallen asleep, each with a smile on their face and still huddled together.

Arella eventually found them in that state. With a soft smile she grabbed the blanket they often used for movie night and draped it over them heading back to her room so she wouldn’t disturb them.

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Taglist: @gallantys

Masterlist 2