#felt incredibly vulnerable and had to force myself out of bed

[humbleanger]

.

[dollwritesarchive]

So I saw you were a bit on the fence for writing Zhongli (Genshin) and I figured maybe sending a little blurb request couldn’t hurt, maybe you’ll figure out if you enjoy writing for him, so if you’re still taking blurb requests -

Zhongli being awakened to his size kink when he sees his hand wrapped around readers throat for the first time + a sprinkle of breeding kink cause’ it’s good for the soul

𝗰𝗼𝗻𝘁𝗲𝗻𝘁 𝘄𝗮𝗿𝗻𝗶𝗻𝗴𝘀 ∣ smut ( minors dni ), size kink ( reader is significantly smaller ), light choking, breeding kink, almost cnc, all characters featured are 18+

𝗶𝗺𝗽𝗼𝗿𝘁𝗮𝗻𝘁 ∣ i really can’t get a read on him at all BUT I REALLY ENJOY HIM; please be kind my only knowledge is through dialogue clips. do not repost or translate. please reblog && leave feedback. thanks for reading < 3

he was flustered.

no, beyond that.

the golden in his gaze twinkled with bewilderment when you whined for him. “Zhongli,” you cooed, grasping at his wrist and guiding it upwards. your eyes sparkled, pupils blown out with need as you elicit the tiniest puffs of hot panting— locked in a passionate stare with him as he took his time with you; filling you with slow, deep strokes until your back is arching off the bed. “choke me.”

he never would’ve done it had you not asked, he was never the type to allow his lust for you to take possession of him and weaken his resolve. you were small, and to him, fragile. he would’ve chosen to use those fingers to gingerly caress your steaming cheek, or trace your pretty, soft lips before he kissed them.

however, now that they curled around your vulnerable throat, he felt a moan slip from his lips before he could cinch them. his stomach lurched, and his eyes lit up. he hadn’t expected to like it so much. “You enjoy this?” he asks, though he can see the pleasured simper on your parted lips as you take shallow breaths; you nod with a happy whimper, and his hips snap forward with more force than you’re used to— spurred by this new, ferocious and mighty feeling. your eyes widen, and your body jerks in turn, breasts bouncing, but you hold on to his wrist with both hands, and mewl delightfully.

“My little darling likes to feel overpowered, does she not?” he croons, leaning back to admire the way you were splayed out for him. “Small and helpless?”

Zhongli couldn’t help himself; as his amber jewels raked over every inch of your naked frame, he could see each glistening runner of perspiration, he could watch your lungs inflate, and he could see his fist gripping your thin neck. his hand was so massive against it that he was able to use the soft pad of his thumb to caress your clavicle.

another nod, accompanied by the faintest, cutest gasp for air when he slammed himself home once more. it was the deepest he could go, and the deepest he’s ever been before— deep enough to hit your limit and see the shock on your face when he did so.

“Y—you’re so—“ you were whispering, stammering, with your knees trembling against his ribs, “d—deep, oh my g—“

the god hadn’t anticipated how addicting that look of awe and euphoria on your features would be to him, but he wanted to keep it there, forever. his free hand grasps one knee, pushing it back towards your chest. you whine, but allow the pretzel, following with the other leg until your ankles tickle his earlobes.

“And you are such a… good, little girl… for taking me so deep…” he groans, each word punctuating an incredibly deep thrust; every time the shape of his cock bulged against the inside of your belly, your head spun. Zhongli leans over you once more, pressing his weight against your legs to bend you open to him further, and draw himself closer to your face. it was contorted in frustrated nirvana, your brows knit together and your mouth hanging open. but, your eyes were big and innocent— even as he fucked you hard and deep, even as he squeezed your pretty neck, you looked celestial. and he couldn’t take it.

“I can’t hold myself back,” he pants, ragged against your lips before smothering them with his own, “I need to cum inside you.” your back pushed off the bed, encouraging the breeding. you wanted nothing more than to feel him come undone. with his firm grip on your throat, he eased you back down against the mattress, and pinned you there, “Stay right there for me, little girl,” he coos, hips rocking faster— chasing that high. you cry out his name, and he swallows the sound as his lips suffocate yours, “let me flood your womb, let me fill you until you’re ready to burst. Let me breed you, I need it.”

[winters8child]

It´s been a long, long time

Chapter 38

"Happy and his team are already sweeping every corner, but there's no trace of him on the camera footage," Tony said, his voice edged with frustration. I sat slumped on one of the many plush leather couches, my head buried in my hands. Beside me, Steve gently rubbed my back in a soothing, rhythmic motion. The party had mostly cleared out, with only Bruce and Thor remaining. Their eyes burned with a fierce determination, the latter vowing to tear the intruder limb from limb for daring to attack a lady.

Natasha handed me a glass of water, her expression a blend of concern and resolve. "I think you two should stay here for the night. It's safer than your apartment." Her words cut through the fog of fear clouding my mind. She was right. If he had the audacity to attack me amidst a crowd of superheroes, he wouldn't hesitate to come after me again in the privacy of my apartment. His menacing voice echoed in my head, replaying his chilling question: "Who are you?" Shouldn't he know the person he was attacking? My hand trembled as I took a sip of water, the glass shaking violently.

"He might have slipped into the garden, but there's no way he's getting into my tower. Stay here, and I'll let you know as soon as Happy finds anything," Tony assured, his tone unyielding. Steve gently lifted my chin, forcing me to meet his concerned gaze. "They're right. We should stay here," he said softly, his eyes searching mine for agreement.

I glanced around the room at the assembled heroes—figures of immense power and strength, armed with incredible gadgets and abilities. Yet, despite their presence, the intruder had targeted me, the weakest among them. A wave of inadequacy and vulnerability washed over me, emotions I hadn't felt in a long time.

With a shaky breath, I gave Steve a curt nod, my lower lip quivering as I fought to hold back tears. "The living quarters are on the 10th floor. You can have the room next to mine. If you need anything, just call 'Jarvis,'" Natasha said with a warm smile. My confusion must have been obvious, as I had no idea who or what "Jarvis" was. Noticing my puzzled expression, Tony chuckled. "Jarvis is the A.I. I developed. And don't worry, you don't have to yell; he’s not hard of hearing," he said with a grin.

"JARVIS," Tony called out, "please show our new guest the way to their room." A calm, robotic voice responded, "Certainly, just make yourselves at home, Mr. Rogers and Ms. Barnes." Instantly, lights shaped like arrows illuminated the floor, leading the way to the elevator. I glanced around, trying to locate the source of the voice, still bewildered by how it knew the new name I had chosen for myself.

Steve gently took my hand, offering a reassuring squeeze. He thanked Tony and the others before guiding me along the illuminated path. The arrows pulsed softly under our feet, creating an almost magical trail to follow. Steve didn't let go of my hand until we stepped into our temporary room. I had no intention of hiding here forever.

Kicking off my heels, I rubbed my sore feet. For all the advancements in technology, no one had yet figured out how to make high heels comfortable. I could feel Steve's gaze on my back as if he were expecting me to break down at any moment. I walked over to the large windows, looking out at the glittering Manhattan nightlife. Steve came up beside me and put his arm around my shoulders. "At least the room is nice," he said softly.

He was right. The room was spacious and well-appointed. A huge bed dominated the right wall, with a door next to it, likely leading to the bathroom. Two sleek sofas faced the window, with a cozy reading chair opposite them. The decor was modern and chic, though it lacked the familiar coziness of our apartment. I closed my eyes and sighed, turning to wrap my arms around Steve's waist.

"We will find him, don't worry", he promised while he kissed my forehead as I looked up at him. I believed him, he was the only person I had left on this planet, that I could trust with all my heart. "But in the meantime, we should get some sleep...I mean that bed looks like it's made out of clouds", he said with a smile. He looked down at me, his eyes filled with concern and something deeper, something more. I felt the warmth of his breath as he leaned in closer.

My heart raced as I lifted my chin, closing the distance between us. Our lips met in a slow, tender kiss that quickly deepened with passion. I could feel the strength and safety in his embrace, and for a moment, all the fear and anxiety melted away. His hands caressed my back, pulling me closer as if he could shield me from all the dangers outside.

We finally broke apart, breathless and flushed. Steve rested his forehead against mine, his eyes locked onto mine. "We'll get through this," he whispered, his voice full of determination. "Together." I nodded, feeling a renewed sense of hope and resolve. "Together," I echoed, squeezing his hand. We stood there for a few moments longer, wrapped in each other's arms, drawing strength from our connection.

His face was at the crook of my neck, his breath fanning my skin as he slowly kissed me from my jaw to my collarbone. I shivered at the sensation, the warmth of his lips sending a wave of electric pleasure through me. The gentle, deliberate kisses were soft but full of unspoken emotion, a tender reassurance that spoke louder than words.

I tilted my head to give him better access, my fingers instinctively weaving into his hair. “Steve,” I breathed, my voice trembling with a mix of anticipation and vulnerability.

He pulled back slightly, his eyes meeting mine with a soft intensity. “Are you okay?” he asked, his voice a husky whisper. There was a flicker of concern in his eyes, though his touch remained gentle.

I nodded, a small smile tugging at the corners of my lips. “Yes, I’m okay. I just… I need you.”

His expression softened at my words. Without another word, he closed the distance between us again, his lips finding mine in a kiss that was both passionate and tender. The kiss deepened as his hands roamed over my back, pulling me closer, his touch firm yet affectionate.

I let myself melt into the kiss, savoring the warmth of his embrace and the way his hands caressed my skin. The weight of the night’s events seemed to drift away, replaced by the intense connection we were sharing. His fingers slid beneath the hem of my sweater, tracing gentle patterns on my bare skin, and I let out a soft sigh at the sensation.

“Steve,” I murmured against his lips, my voice barely audible. “I want you.”

His eyes darkened with desire, and he kissed me again, deeper and more fervently. His hands moved to the hem of my sweater, hesitating for a moment as if seeking permission. I nodded the need in my eyes answering his unspoken question.

Slowly, he lifted the sweater over my head and tossed it aside. He took a moment to appreciate the sight of me, his eyes filled with adoration. “You’re so beautiful,” he whispered, his hands gently exploring the curves of my body.

I blushed under his gaze but couldn’t help the way my body responded to his touch. I reached for the waistband of his pants, pulling him closer until our bodies were pressed together. The heat between us was undeniable, and every touch seemed to ignite a new spark of longing.

Steve’s hands roamed over my back, his touch sending shivers down my spine. He moved his lips to my collarbone, his kisses growing more fervent as he explored the delicate skin there. I let out a soft moan, arching into him, lost in the sensation of his lips and hands.

He pulled back slightly to look into my eyes, his gaze filled with a mix of desire and tenderness. “Are you sure?” he asked, his voice a low rumble. I nodded, my breath coming in short, eager bursts. “Yes, I’m sure.”

His lips met mine again in a kiss that was filled with urgency and passion. He guided me gently onto the bed, his hands and lips exploring every inch of my skin with a loving reverence. We lost ourselves in the moment, finding solace and connection in each other’s embrace.

As we kissed, we let go of all the fears and uncertainties of the day, finding comfort and passion in each other’s presence. The world outside faded into the background as we focused on the intense, tender connection we shared in that intimate space.

When we finally broke apart, our breaths mingling in the cool night air, Steve’s hands cupped my face, his eyes searching mine. “I’m here for you,” he said softly. “I always will be.”

I smiled, feeling a profound sense of relief and love. “I know,” I whispered, leaning into his touch. “And I’m here for you, too.”

We kissed again, slowly and deeply, savoring the closeness we had found. The night was ours, filled with the promise of comfort and connection.

Next Chapter

[diaryofasadgirlsworld]

I lay awake at night wondering what could have been, if only I had the guts to tell my truth. I could have gotten the help I so desperately needed at that point in my life. But I was embarrassed. I knew no one would believe me, he was so popular…. And we were together. I can only presume I would have received the comments “you wanted it” or “you just regret it now that you have broken up” but that was never the case. That response would have ruined me. I was already in an incredibly vulnerable state. I know this will sound crazy, and I may receive an overflowing amount of hate for what is about to be said. But although it was the hardest thing I have ever experienced in my life, it happened and made me better. Dare I say… I’m glad. I know….. I sound insane, and you may be thinking “wow you did want it. It was not assault then.” But this is going somewhere. I feel that if this never happened, I may have never left him. I may have continued to endure the constant degrading and pain he caused. I was young and thought I was in love. i thought it was what I deserved. I had such little respect for myself. I couldn’t love myself, and he knew it. So he used it to his advantage. He had a complicated family life, and I let that make what he did okay. Constantly yelling at me, telling me how worthless I was, gaslighting the absolute shit out of me. Grabbing my arm so tight it left bruises, outlining his finger prints. If I tried to pull away from him he pulled harder. And after that day, I sat in my room and felt so out of place in a space that at one point was my comfort place. The purple walls resembled anger and felt like they were closing in on me every time I stepped foot in there. My bed no longer felt like a soft comfy place to curl up on with a book in hand. It felt hard. It felt like a plank of wood, no comfort to it. My silhouette still lingers, from the day he forced himself inside me. The reminder of a foggy brain still vivid as I lay in the outline of where my terrified exposed body laid that day. He made me fear my comfort space. He made me avoid it like it were an illness wiping out half of the world’s population. And that was when I decided no more. He had taken one too many things from me. And that was the end. I vowed to myself to never again give anyone the chance to treat me the way he did, even for a second. And here I am today. I still will not sleep in that room, but I no longer see the scared girl when I look inside. I see myself laughing as my mom reads me a bedtime story, I see my dad putting me in bed after I pretended to be asleep in his. I see the good. I no longer see him.

[milkypavement]

9/7/21

((i wish it still felt like this))

how can I best describe this weekend? i felt safe in a city that feels like home the minute you arrive, i felt like i was part of a family that welcomed me with open arms, i felt that i had experiences and advice that resonated with somebody that was severely struggling. a complete stranger to me. i got balloons for little girls to tie drawings to along with one piece of advice they’d give to anyone in the world if they were struggling.

these girls said:

•If you’re sad, go outside. outside is beautiful.

•sing a song. when I am sad, that helps me sometimes.

the girls both made wishes, they closed their eyes and made them quietly and I still to this moment wonder what they wished for, but they’re smart and they know that wishes don’t come true if you say them out loud- so we watched the balloons float away on the bed of a pickup truck and we all smiled and went back to the campfire where we all were vulnerable. we wrote down the things that we’ve been keeping inside that have been hurting us and we held onto the papers after signing them so we could sit with what was bothering us. after the s’mores and the hotdogs were done being eaten, we walked to the fire and individually at our own pace threw the papers into the pit and let that energy be released and burnt and expelled from our bodies. we processed our feelings and validated each other and we listened to music that made everybody’s hearts smile in one way or another. words of hope and gratitude flavored with honey whiskey, lemonade, and unsweet tea were spoken into existence and i hope to whatever higher power is out there that they all come true.

one of the little girls was vulnerable with me and she wanted me to sing to her before bed, so i did. i was afraid to sing to a small child and when i was vulnerable and sang her a song that means a lot to me, she told me I have a beautiful voice and she talked to me about wolves and i told her about how the world is strange and sometimes mean to “girls like us” and we talked about how we are good enough regardless of what anybody else thinks. we realized together that if you give a wolf a piece of meat, he might be nice to you, and people are like that too. if you’re kind to people, they just might be kind back to you and that’s something to always keep in the back of your mind. I told her that she is such a smart girl and i tucked her in and hugged her before she went to sleep.

my friend saw me crumble and he didn’t judge me or try to change me or tell me that i was wrong for the things that i felt, he validated me and he picked up the broken pieces of me when i wasn’t strong enough to hold them myself. he held onto those pieces for a day and when this morning came, I took them back because i feel that i am strong enough to bare the weight of my mental struggles in this moment.

there are people in this world who will try to convince you that “magic” doesn’t exist, but from my own personal experience this past four days, magic exists in a world that can only be felt when you really feel something resonate within your soul. you have to be willing to accept the happiness and elation that that magic brings to you and once you do, GOD. things feel GOOD.

i had to share this because i have been accepting far less than what i deserve in regards to how i treat myself and how i allow others to treat me. i am so incredibly fulfilled from this experience and i cannot wait to see what else the universe has to surprise me with. there is so much beauty everywhere, and there are people who are not only willing to share that beauty with you- they’ll BASK in it with you. absorb all of it and experience it with you in a way that is far more intimate than anything words can express.

i feel okay for the first time in a long time this weekend and i physically feel myself going down a path that is right and good and for that i am extremely proud of myself.

you cannot force others to want you, you cannot force others to change, but you CAN force yourself to go out of your comfort zone and seek out eye opening experiences that will profoundly change the way that you see the world.

it’s a beautiful thing, you know- this whole “being alive” stuff. sometimes it just doesn’t feel so good and you have to have the right support for moments like those. sometimes we, as people, can be a little bit “too much” for others to handle. especially when they’re struggling on their own already. that does not mean that you are too much for everybody.

this weekend i felt like i was enough, and for that i owe these people a tremendous thank you for such a dream-like experience and for allowing me to share their space and feelings and thoughts with them.

life is good, folks. the sun is shining and life is good. ☀️

[sammysvanfeet]

Boston Calling || Chapter Nine

Jake x Reader - Enemies to Lovers

Word count: about 4k

*WARNINGS*: flufffff!!

Chapter 10

“Adjust the equalization, just a tad. Gently… yep, just like that! Great job, Y/N!” David praised.

The sound was phenomenal, but Sarah was even better. Feeling less hostile than the last time we worked together helped the creative process in bringing her album to life. I let a wide grin spread across my face, feeling extremely proud of myself.

“See, I told you! You’re a natural, baby.” Jake commented, pulling me in to kiss my temple.

I flushed at the public display of affection, but everyone else either ignored it or pretended to for my sake. Jake had settled into the pet names and PDA so naturally in our everyday life for the past week, despite the fact that we hadn’t exactly labeled what we were. We spent much of our time together; in class, working at the coffee shop, tangled up in either of our beds and of course here at our internship.

Wringing my hands and staring intently at the panel in front of me, I could tell Jake’s eyes were fixated on me. I was still blushing profusely following what he said, and I didn’t want my reaction to his words to be obvious.

“Awww, is my sweet girl all flustered?” Jake cooed into my ear, his voice barely above a whisper.

I looked up at him, trying to suppress the growing smile on my face.

“Maybe…” I trailed off.

He just laughed at my response before entangling his fingers in mine, holding my hand tenderly. We continued to watch Sarah as she played out her beautiful riff, a part of it actually written by Jake. She was a force to be reckoned with in the studio, and it made me feel somewhat accomplished being a part of her creative and production process. Most importantly, I felt my shoulders were released from the shackles of my mother and her expectations. For once I was doing something out of my own conviction, completely void of her help, and I felt empowered, but mostly free. To some extent, it did hurt me. My mother was the only person left in my family that I was tied too, and now that bond had been tethered. But being around Jake, Josh, Sam and Danny was so much more fulfilling. It helped me come to terms with the fact that family doesn’t have to mean blood, but rather the people you surround yourself with that make you feel at home, respected, and most importantly; loved.

When David had called for lunch, Jake and I raced out to his convertible, top down in accordance with the beautiful sunny day Mother Nature had gifted us. We were laughing like teenagers, drunk on infatuation and happiness. The second I put my seatbelt on, I reached for my wrists in search of a hair tie and before I could ask, Jake promptly handed me his scarf, just like he had the first day of our internship. I smiled at him, a small ‘thank you’ falling from my lips as I took the scarf from his hand, before I could pull away he delicately held my palm before pressing a kiss to my knuckles. I was swooning, utterly speechless by his compassion and kindness, and the sheer look of adoration in his gorgeous brown eyes. We stared at each other intently for a second before he spoke.

“You’re so fucking beautiful.” He stated, as if it were the most obvious thing on Earth. God, I gotta keep track of how many times he makes me blush.

“I could say the same about you, handsome.” I replied, marveling at how pink his cheeks became in response to my compliment.

I was never one to be overly vulnerable, nor so accepting of affection. Living with my cold hearted mother conditioned me to take little love from others and give even less… but with Jake, it was a different story, especially right now, in this moment. I turned to face the front of the car, and just as I wrapped my hair up in the scarf Jake began pulling out of the parking lot and driving out into the road. I rested my sunglasses on the bridge of my nose and stared at the buildings we passed by, none of them were incredibly spectacular, they were brick and steel buildings, a result of industrialization, but the feeling of joy and excitement in my heart made everything around me seemed like it was tinted rose gold, like I was in a dream. I romanticized everything, and instead of looking at the buildings like they had been built with bricks and steel, I looked at them as if they were hand made from chocolate and cotton candy. Everything was sweet to me now.

I could feel Jake slowing down as we entered a plaza that I remembered all too well. Standing there in all its glory was the Waffle House that we went to all those weeks ago.

“Breakfast for lunch?” I joked, hoping my comment would spur an explanation out of him as to why we were here. Not that I was opposed to some more blueberry pancakes, but I did wonder why he decided to take me here when our last interaction at the very same place ended so terribly.

“Yeah, of course.” He smiled, before a more solemn expression overtook his features, “The last time we were here it didn’t end well, so I figured that we could replace that experience with a happier memory. Would you be okay with that?”

Jake was going to suffocate my heart with his tenderness and care, and I couldn’t help but look at him in adoration. Suddenly, I was compelled to pull his face to mine in an urgent kiss, hormones taking over. He was surprised to say the very least as he didn’t reciprocate my energy immediately, but he snapped out of his daze and leaned, his hands suddenly all over me.

I broke the kiss first, hovering my lips an inch or so away.

“Yeah, I’d love that.” I said, a little breathless. “You always know what to say and what to do.”

“I try, darling.” He winked at me before pushing a lock of my hair behind my ear that had fallen out of the head scarf.

We exited his vehicle making our way to the front of the door. As we entered the restaurant, my eyes immediately met those of the same woman that had served us last time; Doris.

“Hey, you two!” She beamed, obviously recalling us from our last visit. “Gimme just a minute, and I’ll be right with y’all.”

We nodded our heads in unison before vocalizing our gratitude and headed to seat ourselves in the establishment. I don’t exactly know why, but the both of us subconsciously picked the same booth we were in last time. Scooting across the plush faux leather, we stared at each other, like stupid teenagers who were on their first date or some bullshit like that. Giddy smiles plastered on our faces and I could so clearly see Jake’s dimples making indents in his cheeks. He looked so divine, his hair in a half up half down hairdo, held together by a tiny little claw clip he said he stole from Sammy, wearing the same denim jacket from our first day at the internship.

We turned our attention to Doris who was in front of our table now.

“What can I get ya folks?” she asked.

Without missing a beat I answered immediately.

“Blueberry pancakes and orange juice please.”

“I’ll have the same please.” Jake chimed in right after I had finished.

We glanced at each other, a knowing look in both of our eyes.

✦✦✦

It was a beautiful Saturday morning when Josh and I had found ourselves at a cute little consignment shop in downtown Boston. Spring was definitely approaching and the sudden desire for a new closet had compelled us to go shopping on this bright and beautiful day.

“How about this one, mama?” he questioned, holding a powder blue cotton sundress in his hands.

I gasped at the garment.

“Oh my goodness Joshy, it’s beautiful!” I squealed, running over to where he stood beside the rack of clothes to feel the fabric for myself.

“You should totally try it on.” He suggested, and just like that I was whisked away to a hallway of curtains. He gently pushed me into an empty fitting room and placed the dress in my hands before closing the curtain.

“Hurry up, I wanna see it on ya!” He implored.

“Jeez Josh, could you be any less patient?” I jested.

“Yeah, yeah, whatever… I just need validation that my style choices are up to par.” He defended. I only chuckled in response.

As I maneuvered out of my clothes, Josh spoke up from outside the fitting room.

“You know I haven’t seen Jake so happy in a long time.” He said.

His words made me slow my actions, pausing in the middle of getting the dress on to listen intently to what Josh was saying.

“What do you mean by that?” I asked, hoping to get more answers from him.

“What I mean to say is that you make him feel so fulfilled; more so than Sam, Danny, or even me.” He replied, laughing slightly, “He’s always telling us how much he enjoys your presence and talks about the most mundane, niche things about you. Like the kind of coffee you had that morning and how much you convinced him to try the same one, or what the both of you did that day at your internship… whatever it is, he tells us.” Josh finished.

By this point I was smiling like a madwoman, small tears brimming from my waterline. I wiped them away discreetly, despite the fact that Josh couldn’t see them. I cleared my throat to soothe the lump that had formed by my sudden emotional state. Suddenly feeling extremely vulnerable and at a loss for words, I simply drew the curtain open and waltzed out, presenting the dress to Josh.

“Well, what do ya think?” I asked, hesitantly.

“Wow…” Josh paused, clearly speechless.

“Josh, are you at a loss for words right now? I didn’t even think that was possible.” I joked, trying to lighten the mood.

He shook his head, removing himself from his thoughts, “You should buy that, Jake loves that color.”

“I think I will.” I smiled, before heading back into the changing room.

After we had finished perusing the store, we checked out. Josh found some beaded jewelry and I purchased the dress, suddenly giddy at the thought of Jake seeing me in it. We spent the rest of the day walking around, talking and just enjoying each other's presence before we decided to head back to his and Jake’s shared apartment. As we turned onto their picturesque street, we discussed our plans for the evening.

“Take out?” Josh questioned, punctuated by an audible growl in his stomach.

“Yes, please, should we ask Jake to join us?” I asked, nonchalantly.

“Ugh please, you can’t go one night without your boyfriend?” He joked.

Just then the realization hit, Jake and I hadn’t exactly labeled what we were. Up until that point I didn’t care but we had been intimate these past few weeks, acting as if we were a couple. Were we?

Josh seemed to notice my silence and took it as offense, “I’m sorry, was that too much?”

“No!” I shook my head, “Can I ask you something?”

“Anything.” He said, honestly.

“You said Jake talks about me a lot?” I implored.

“All the time.” Josh’s eyes rolled to the back of his head.

“You know, he’s big into PDA, too.” I laughed shyly.

“I’ve noticed.” Josh groaned. “We all have.”

“Well, he hasn’t actually asked me to be his girlfriend yet. Maybe I’m overthinking it.” I confessed.

Josh sighed, “Well, he’s never really been a relationship guy, to tell you the truth.”

I winced at his words.

“Well, that’s to say he’s never treated anyone like he treats you, he’s never acted like this with anyone else.” He tried to backtrack. “He’s never actually called anyone his ‘girlfriend’, but that doesn’t lessen his commitment to you.”

“Yeah, you’re right. We just haven’t talked about where this is going. I know I’m not just a fleeting thing for him and he’s not for me, either. I don’t want to put pressure on him… I’m just used to losing people and even if it seems arbitrary, having that verbal commitment means a lot to me.”

We climbed the stoop to the twin’s apartment and started our ascent. Josh looked at me sympathetically.

“There was this girl, back in high school. She was this older cheerleader and Jake had started playing soccer and was getting a lot of attention. She came onto him and asked him to prom. They did everything together for those few months leading up to it, he even lost his virginity to her.” Josh looked at me pointedly. “The week before the dance, a new guy transferred to our school. He was taller, bigger, and he played football. He asked that very same girl to prom. She agreed but forgot to tell Jake, he showed up matching her dress with a corsage and everything. People laughed at him, and beneath his cocky exterior, he was fucking heartbroken. So we skipped prom to get high and burn shit. But since then, he’s kept people at arm’s length, especially romantically. As his brother, I can tell you he fucking adores you. He’s letting you in, you just need to give him time.”

Josh’s admission stunned me, but I didn’t have time to dwell on it much as we were now entering his apartment where Jake was sitting on the couch doing what looked like to be homework.

The moment he saw us, he rushed over and picked me up, twirling me around before placing an innocent peck to my lips.

“I missed you.” He breathed, eyes boring into mine.

“Get a room.” Josh fake gagged.

“Stop stealing my girl from me, then.” Jake countered teasingly. I didn’t miss the words he had used and neither did Josh, who then winked at me cheekily.

I blushed before changing the subject, “Take out?”

“Without question, I’m absolutely famished.” Josh answered immediately.

“You’re so dramatic, Josh.” Jake scoffed.

“Thai?” I offered.

✦✦✦

I laid the little silver sun necklace on my collarbone and straightened out the edges of my sundress. It was the same powder blue one that Josh had picked out for me at the vintage store and for some strange reason I thought it looked even better the second time I wore it. Jake and I had the day off of both classes and work at the coffee shop, yet he said he still wanted to spend time with me. I swooned at the sentiment, and because I was absolutely head over heels for him at this point, I said yes. I wasn’t privy to where he was taking me but he said to dress casually. Taking his advice and the weather into accordance I wore my new dress, my hair in a sleek bun and a pair of simple mary janes. I hitched my black tote bag over my shoulder and made my way over to my front door the second I heard the first knock. Promptly opening the door I was met with an irresistibly handsome Jake who looked as good as ever. He graced his eyes over my figure slowly and let out a low whistle. He had a slightly surprised look in his eyes, but he recovered quickly and let a small smirk paint over his face. He stepped a little further into my apartment and rested his hands on my waist, shamelessly eyeing me up and down again. I blushed at the action and questioned him about his antics.

“You know it’s not nice to stare right, Jakey?” I teased him, knowing the real intent as to why he was checking me out.

“I love this little number on you.” He smiled, running his index finger along the hem of the top line. “You look so sweet in it.”

“Mmm, Josh picked it out for me.”

He groaned, “Don’t remind me.”

I giggled, wrapping my hands around his neck and pulling him into a soft kiss.

“You may look sweet in this dress, but all it makes me think about is the dirty things I want to do to you once you take it off.” He whispered against my lips, his hands enclosing around the small of my back, fingers hanging just by the slope of my ass, hand now trailing dangerously close to the hemline.

“Jakeyyy.” I whined.

“I know, sugar. But right now, we have plans to get to.” He responded.

I sighed, audibly frustrated. My cheeks were red, I was almost panting with want.

This seemed to please Jake, he offered me a sympathetic look before saying, “You poor thing.”

I pouted, childishly. Jake simply looked at me fondly, grabbing my hand and pulling me out the door. Once we got to the bottom of the staircase, Jake hovered, waiting for me to perform my ritual. The first time he saw me do it, he stared at me in complete bewilderment. Once I explained the history behind my compulsion to jump on the darker tiles, he softened. The fact that he remembered this small act without me reminding him warmed my heart.

“Wanna try?” I questioned, hopping to the first black tile in front of me.

“I don’t know…” Jake looked around, checking that we didn’t have an audience. “Oh, what the hell.”

He relented and hopped awkwardly to the first tile, causing me to giggle uncontrollably. I finished prancing from tile to tile, reaching the front door and looking back to watch Jake stumble in my path.

“Last one to your car is a rotten egg.” I called, racing out ahead of him.

He obviously wasn’t expecting my challenge, I reached the convertible much faster than him.

“That wasn’t fair.” He chided.

I poked my tongue out at him, “I never said I played by the rules.”

We both climbed into the car, Jake immediately handing me his scarf to tie around my hair. It was almost second nature now. He started on the drive to our mysterious destination.

“So, do I get any clues about where we’re going?” I pressed.

“Hmm, we’re going to ‘adopt’ something.” He said, cryptically.

I swallowed audibly, “Uhh, please tell me it’s not an animal. I’m not equipped to care for one right now.”

Jake laughed menacingly, enjoying watching me squirm. “I’ll guess you’ll just have to wait and see.”

After a little bit of a drive, we found ourselves in a cute suburb of Boston. It was quaint and visibly different from the bustling confines of the city. I closed my eyes and inhaled deeply, enjoying the fresh air and scent of lilac flowers. As I fluttered them open, we pulled up beside a small brightly painted building. It had a mural on the side consisting of foliage and floral designs. The sign read

‘Willow’s Garden and Cafe’.

“How did you find this place?” I questioned Jake in amazement.

“Josh comes here to pick out his plants, he says you can’t beat their care and quality. I thought we could adopt a plant together.” He said, bashfully.

I blushed profusely, “It looks like they have food, too.”

He nodded, “I thought we could get some lunch afterwards.”

“So, are you ready for fatherhood?” I asked blatantly.

Jake paled, causing me to laugh at his reaction.

“I mean, are you ready to be a plant daddy?” I giggled.

“Daddy?... That’s a new one.” He exhaled, a deep smirk plastered on his face.

“Jaaaaaake.” I stuck my lip out at him. “Stop teasing.”

He reached across the center console and pulled me in closer to him, pressing our lips together in a slow, intimate kiss.

“Sorry, baby. I’ll save it for later.” He promised, before exiting the car and rounding the front to open my door.

“Why thank you, Sir. Such a gentleman.” I joked.

He leaned in to whisper against my ear, “First daddy, now Sir? I might just have to find a bathroom to take you in.”

I rubbed my thighs together to soothe the pulsing ache between my legs. Jake noticed and chuckled darkly.

“So needy, Princess.”

“You said you would save it for later.” I complained.

Jake grabbed my hand and pulled me into the nursery. A part of me was hoping he would find somewhere private and take care of me, but he was committed to seeing this date through which was extremely endearing. We strolled the aisles of potted plants, amazed by the shapes and colors. His hand never left mine, squeezing it every now and then as if to make sure I was still there. My free hand was used to run across the soft leaves of some of the greenery we passed.

I stopped at a beautiful Monstera, amazed at the intricate pattern of its foliage.

“This one?” I looked up at Jake expectantly.

He beamed, looking at the plant appreciatively.

“This one.” He smiled.

We both reached to grab the pot, before Jake insisted he be the one to hold it. We took it to the small check out area, both of us arguing over who would pay for it.

“Why don’t you split it, 50/50 custody?” The employee laughed.

I appreciated her patience as we finally conceded, both of us sifting through some loose bills and combining them in a messy form of payment. We took our new plant with us to the small bistro tables outside, waiting for a waitress to come and take our order.

“So what should we name him?” Jake filled the silence.

“Him? What makes you think it's a him?” I challenged.

“Or her!” He put his hands up in defense.

“I like the name Jade, just look at the deep green color of her leaves.” I said in admiration.

“Jade… Yeah I like that.” Jake agreed.

The employee from earlier approached us, smiling fondly at the scene in front of her.

“Look at this happy little family!” She joked. “I’ll be serving you today, too. Can I get ya started with anything?”

“Do you have any iced tea?” I questioned, desperately desiring an ice cold drink on this warm day.

“Absolutely, we have peach, lemon, raspberry…?” She trailed off.

“Peach please! And maybe a cobb salad if you have one?”

She scrawled my order down on her notepad, “You got it! And for you?” She turned to Jake.

“I’ll have what she’s having.” He stated with a hint of a smile.

As the woman left to put our order in, I looked at Jake teasingly.

“Can’t ever make your own decisions on what to eat, huh?”

“I just trust your judgment.” He countered.

I reached for his hand on top of the table, connecting ours together, playing with the hair tie ring looped around one of his fingers.

“Thank you for bringing me here, this is nice.” I said, gratefully.

He rubbed his thumb over my fingers soothingly. “Wouldn’t wanna be anywhere else.”

TAG LIST

@celestialfauna @streamsofstardustt @doodle417 @gretavanfle3t @theweightofjake @turtleskane @morganic-goods @loofypoofy @jakeslovehandles @trplshotofdopamine @emsgvf @eeeloraaa @way-to-go-lad @fleet-prodigy @age-of-nyahh

[anabsolutetrainwreck]

tongue-tied like we’ve never known || h. styles

warnings: dad!harry, swearing, not really proofread

word count: 2.3k

summary: two single parents try to start their lives again...

Mornings were always the worst for you. Trying to pry Tommy out of bed, and even yourself for that matter, was always an incredibly stressful task. But you’d learned to live with it and quickly come to accept it. After all, he was only young now. He’d be old soon enough and you knew you’d miss these youthful years. 

You stood by the school gates, waiting for little Tommy to come bounding out of school to tell you all about his latest adventure. You always looked forward to hearing how his day went. As small children scrambled out of the doors after their teachers and straight into the arms of their parents, your eyes fell onto Tommy. He was with a boy you didn’t recognise. “Look, look! Meet my new friend,” Tommy grinned as he stood before you excitedly. “This is my mum.”

“Hello,” the little boy, dark-haired with perhaps the most striking green eyes, smiled. “I’m Oscar.”

“Pleasure to meet you, Oscar,” you smiled. “Are you new?”

The boy nodded, his cheeks flushed slightly. You couldn’t help but smile at the fact that Tommy had made a new friend. He’d been kind to the new kid and offered him a form of friendship. 

You were tugged away from your thoughts as you heard a voice behind you. You quickly turned to see a man, a little taller than yourself. You figured this was Oscar’s father from the dark hair to the green eyes. “There you are,” he smiled warmly and it seemed to make your heart flutter, as if he was smiling at you.

“Daddy, this is my new friend, Tommy,” Oscar grinned excitedly. 

For the first time, the man shifted his gaze from the two young boys to you. Your stomach lurched as you made eye contact with him. “You must be Tommy’s mum,” he said, extending his hand for you to shake. “I’m Harry.”

“Y/N,” you smiled, shaking it gently. You hadn’t felt like this since you first met Tommy’s dad. It was all of eight years ago now on a night out with your university friends, most of whom you didn’t even speak to nowadays. He had been kind then and polite and the sort of man you’d always envisioned yourself marrying. So, you ended up getting together and everything seemed great for the first year and a half. But then things began to decline and you both seemed to lose trust in one another and you felt as if you were putting all of your energy into this relationship. It was killing you. But then you fell pregnant with his baby and he broke up with you anyway. You went back home to live with your own parents for a while before you eventually found a proper job and moved into your own house. 

Anyway, you found yourself walking down the street, Tommy and Oscar running ahead slightly, with Harry. You had Tommy’s light bag clasped between your hands, listening to Harry tell you about Oscar. “And yeah,” he concluded, “we moved down here a couple of weeks ago, just the two of us.”

“What about Oscar’s mother?” you couldn’t help but find yourself prying. 

Harry seemed to tense slightly, before shrugging, “She was never really around much. Her parents thought she should have gotten an abortion but she didn’t want one and had the baby anyway. So, they kicked her out and she left Oscar with me and moved to Dublin with her friends.”

“That’s shitty,” you sighed. “At least you have Oscar, though, right?”

He nodded, smiling, “Exactly. What about Tommy’s dad then?”

“He was a dick. He broke up with me a couple of months after I told him I was pregnant,” you replied. 

“Yeah,” Harry chuckled, “sounds like a dick. Does he see Tommy then?”

You shook your head, your eyes caught between Harry’s and your son's lively figure running up and down the path ahead of you with Oscar. “No. He’s tried to reach out a couple of times but I haven’t let him see him. I just feel like introducing him to his dad six years later could just, you know, fuck it up. Besides, if he didn’t want to be with me through all the shitty, difficult stuff, then I don’t think he’s allowed to enjoy all the joys of being a parent.”

“Well,” he smiled, “good on you.”

And that was how you met Harry Styles. Over the weeks that followed, you would walk Oscar and Tommy to and from school with him. Tommy would spend time round at Harry’s and Oscar would spend time round at yours. And it felt like every time you saw Harry, you felt simultaneously more comfortable around him but more and more nervous. 

But you hadn’t dated anybody since Tommy was born. Having a young child seemed to be a deterrent for a lot of people. Or maybe had more to do with the fact that you didn’t have time for a relationship between work and raising Tommy. Sure, you’d been on plenty of dates and it wasn’t as if you weren’t ready to get back into the world of dating and relationships. If not for yourself, for Tommy. You wanted him to have some kind of parental figure that wasn’t you. 

You found it difficult to focus on the book you were reading when all you could hear was the two boys laughing loudly upstairs. Oscar was round for dinner and Harry was due to pick him up any minute. And as a knock at the front door finally snapped you into a new state of consciousness, you got up to answer it. Harry stood happily on the other side, his eyes lighting up at the sight of you. “Evening, Y/N,” he smiled. 

“Evening, Harry,” you mocked. “Do come in.”

You opened the door wider, allowing the man to step into your home. You called down Oscar and Tommy, only to be met with groans. They appeared at the top of the stairs, their faces twisted into bitter scowls. “Why?” Tommy sighed. “Can he stay for a bit longer?”

You exchanged a glance with Harry, who shrugged. “Fifteen minutes,” you sighed. Really, all you wanted was to go to bed. They grinned and dashed back into Tommy’s small bedroom. You guided Harry into the kitchen, letting him sit himself down at the table. “Do you want a drink?” you asked.

“I’m okay, thanks,” he smiled.

You grinned, pouring yourself a glass of orange juice, “Suit yourself. So, how was your day?”

“Stressful,” he sighed. “Thanks for looking after Oscar.”

“Anytime,” you shrugged. “He’s delightful. Besides, you’ve looked after Tommy so many times, I kind of owed you.”

“Nonsense,” he laughed. “We’re not exchanging favours. We’re just… helping out a friend.”

You couldn’t help but let yourself deflate at ‘friend’. You had known all along that you were just two, young single parents that only knew each other through their six-year-old sons. But a tiny fragment of you hoped what was happening meant something more to Harry, like it did to you. There were instances of harmless flirting and subtle glances. “Right,” you nodded, forcing a soft smile. “Well, thanks for helping out a friend.”

His fingers drummed mindlessly on the table and your eyes wandered from their tips to the tattoos that peeked out of the cuff of his jacket. “Got any plans for tomorrow?” Harry asked and you almost cringed at the small talk. 

But alas, you shrugged, “Not really. I have some work to catch up on, so an action packed day for me tomorrow. What about you?”

He shook his head, “I wish I had plans. Could go out for drinks or something, but I can’t because I have a needy six-year-old.”

“Treasure it while it’s still here,” you said. 

“Believe me,” he grinned, “I am. God, I’m so scared for the day he just… stops needing me. You know, the day he just sort of realises that he no longer needs me to wash his clothes or walk him into town or buy him things. And it took me ages to get used to putting somebody before myself, I don’t think I could imagine living without him now. Like, one day he’ll go off to uni and get a job and only come home every other birthday or Christmas.”

You smiled gently. You were sure he’d never been so vulnerable with you before. “It’s weird to think that’s what we’re doing with our parents now. We fear the day our kids stop needing us, but our parents are living that day.”

He hummed in thought for a moment, “I should probably go see my mum soon. I haven’t seen her in months. And my sister.”

“You have a sister?”

He nodded, “Yeah. Gemma is her name. She’d love you.”

“I’m sure I’d love her if she’s anything like you,” you said. 

You took a final gulp of your orange juice, your eyes beginning to feel heavy. You looked at the clock on the wall, noticing twenty minutes had passed since Harry arrived. “Right,” you smiled. “I’ll go get Oscar.”

And as you walked towards the kitchen door, Harry quickly said, “Wait!”

You turned back to look at him, your heart pounding heavily. All kinds of questions and hypotheticals raced through your mind as he paused for a moment. “Do you think you’ll ever meet somebody else, Y/N?” he asked. 

“Meet somebody else?” you repeated, though you were sure you knew exactly what he meant. 

“Yeah, you know… like somebody to replace Tommy’s dad. Somebody for you to settle down with and raise Tommy together. Do you think you’ll ever meet them?” he asked. 

You were utterly confused as to what had prompted him to ask such a question. But you’d be lying if you said you couldn’t hear your heart in your temples or taste your blood in your mouth. “Maybe,” you shrugged. “Do you?”

“I hope so,” he said. “I’d like Oscar to have a mum.”

“Yeah,” you nodded, “I think that would be great for him. I’ll go get him.”

That night as you lay alone in your bed, you couldn’t help but wonder what it would be like to share your bed with Harry. To feel his body beside yours on cold nights. To be woken up by his lips peppering your face in light kisses in the morning. To discuss all the trivial things when neither of you can sleep at night. Maybe he was trying to tell you something that evening…

Oscar had become ill over that following weekend. Nothing too serious, but something that warranted a day or two off school. So, after you picked Tommy up from school, you drove to Harry’s to check if they were both okay. Tommy sat at the end of Oscar’s bed, recounting everything the young boy had missed at school, while you busied yourself in Harry’s kitchen. You were heating up some of the soup you had made for the poor boy. “You’re really too kind. You didn’t have to do this,” Harry told you as he made you a cup of coffee. 

You shrugged, “Well, Oscar’s like my second son at this point.”

He smiled, albeit his cheeks a little red, “I’m glad you think that. I’m pretty sure he thinks of you as a mum at this point too.”

Now it was your turn to turn red. Your face heated up at Harry’s passing comment. Did he really think of you as a mum? “That’s sweet,” you said. “About what you said the other night… about meeting somebody, my friend says she knows a guy she thinks I’d get along with. So, I think I’m really going to try dating.”

He stiffened slightly, “Oh yeah? That’s great, Y/N.”

He hugged you and you couldn’t help but feel so safe in his arms. The hug was perhaps a second or three too long, but neither of you pulled away. And, as your bodies were pressed together, it was almost as if you shared a brief but looming epiphany together. “But,” you began again, “why try dating a stranger when I already know somebody?”

“That’s a good point,” he whispered softly, finally pulling away to make eye contact. He explored your face and you felt his warm breath on your cheeks. 

“I mean, this guy that I know, he’s sweet. Really sweet. He’s super funny and caring and so, so generous. And he has a kid himself, so he won’t be put off by the single parent thing.”

He understood what you were trying to tell him, “Sounds like an angel. Who is this fine man of whom you speak?”

You grinned, “I don’t know if I should say. He has tattoos and green eyes.”

“So he’s incredibly handsome as well as being an angel?”

“I suppose you could say that,” you chuckled. And, as if the sky were falling down, Harry wasted no time in pressing his lips to your own. He kissed you and you kissed him back. All of your prior dating worries just seemed to slip away as you buried your fingers in Harry’s soft hair. It was only when you heard a quiet ‘mum?’ from the doorway did you jolt apart. Tommy stood in the threshold of the kitchen and suddenly the microwave went off, notifying you that Oscar’s soup was ready. You and Harry turned back to each other, finally registering Tommy’s presence, “Shit.”

[mercurial-madhouse]

Trigger Warning: Healing is painful, but there’s so much light on the other side if we’re strong enough to walk through the dark.

My hope in sharing my story is to help anyone who reads it find peace or healing, just as I always aim with my fiction. If it feels right to you to do so, I encourage you to reblog this. It is highly personal, but I choose to share it publicly.

************

This past Sunday, I received an email responding to my desire to withdraw from a fic fest. Instead of the simple “You have been removed from the fest” that I’d been expecting through an official channel from mods to a participant, this is the response I received. Please be aware, the following is painful.

***

We've removed you from the fest and will mark you down as not being welcome to participate in future fests. We show a great deal of compassion toward our writers, which is why we send reminders, answer any and all questions, and provide extensions when requested. There's a reason why our fest has one of the highest numbers of fics of any fest/challenge in the fandom - it's because we support our participating writers and do everything possible to assist them as they complete their fics.

However, once a writer has repeatedly failed to communicate and missed both a deadline and an extended deadline, it's clear that they do not have any respect for the fest, the mods, our time, or our own unique situations, as we don't have endless extra hours to track down participants in a fic fest. Several reminders on three different platforms, an extension, and requests for writers to simply let us know if they need more time does not demonstrate a lack of compassion in any capacity. We also showed a great deal of compassion by welcoming you with open arms into the [redacted] after you insulted the fest, insulted [redacted] fics, and made writers uncomfortable last year after signing up to beta their fics, all while pretending to support and uplift writers in the fandom just as you did in your email here.

Have a great week!

- [redacted] Mods

***

This email arrived right at the end of the night, just as I was lying down to sleep. I couldn’t read it all the way through. It elicited a trauma response in me. My heart started racing, my palms were sweaty, I was shaking, I felt sick to my stomach.

I went into fight/flight/freeze/fawn mode. My first response was to freeze. In order to escape the barrage of pain bombarding me, I simply dissociated and disconnected from my body. It allowed me to sleep, but barely. I deleted the email in a desperate attempt to pretend it didn’t exist.

The pain caught up with me twenty-four hours later. I couldn’t breathe, my lungs shrunk in around my heart. My whole body locked up. I couldn’t move. I knew that if I spoke, even to say ‘hello’ to someone, I’d start crying.

The moment I was alone in my room the tears came. The pain came, bursting through me. I sobbed uncontrollably, curled into myself on my bed, begging for the pain to stop, begging for a miracle, screaming internally for relief and to understand what I’d done to deserve this because I didn’t have the air for more than broken whispers.

I fell asleep whispering ‘I need a miracle’ over and over. The mantra blocked out all the disgusting thoughts that wanted to keep swirling through my head. This is it. This is the final proof that you don’t belong here. You never have. You never will. Run away, M. It’s over. You tried, you failed. You always do. You always will.

I fell asleep out of sheer exhaustion.

Grief is intense. These are the moments where we don’t think we’ll survive what we’re feeling. My love, whoever you are, if you are reading this, hear from me. The agony passed. I needed to feel that agony, to allow it to move through me and to give myself the space to feel it. Without diving off the deep end into what hurts, I wouldn’t have been able to find the inner peace to keep healing, to start to understand.

The residual pain is still there, even as I write this post. But it no longer overwhelms my senses. And by Tuesday morning, I’d been given insight into what was happening.

I experienced a trauma response because it mirrored mistreatment I first received in childhood from family and classmates alike and continued into my adult life. In full view of others, it was acknowledged as cruel even by my mother, who struggles with her own guilt because she never stood up for me. No one did.

So I internalized the mistreatment. I must deserve it if everyone else around me is ok with me being singled out like this? At first I spoke up for myself. But in the end I stopped speaking up for myself too. I had never healed this pain and here it was, coming back around again, forcing me to face it, to heal it once and for all.

I still do not know what exactly I may have said to cause these accusations that you see in the email. **I do not and will not deny them.** Even if my words were taken in a way I did not consciously intend, to deny that I said anything that caused someone else pain is to deny my own power AND to deny that everyone’s emotions are valid and worth digging into.

I have the power to inflict pain, just as I have the power to spread and share love and joy.

Whatever I said came from a place of pain, of believing I did not belong in this community. That I am not good enough or worthy enough to be here. A series of unfortunate but necessary events when I first entered this fandom completely disintegrated my core beliefs in my abilities as a writer, something I have always kept so close to my heart, and my belief that I had a place in this fandom.

I expect, as I look into my past patterns, that what I did was try to logic why I wasn’t allowed to belong. At the time, this fest was the only subset of the fandom I knew, I was so brand new. So I looked through all the prompts in the fest. I brought a scientific method view to answering the question: “What is it about the fics people write in this fandom am I unable/incapable of doing?”

This process allowed me to generalize everything I saw that I perceived as ‘I can’t do that, this is why I don’t belong here’. Consumed in my own doubt that I could measure up and write something worth reading, I dropped from the fest last year too. If I can’t contribute writing that’s worth reading, I could at least stick with what I do best, which is helping others be their best selves. I had signed up to beta, and I chose to cling to the only grasp of belonging I had, which was through beta’ing. I ended up beta’ing four fics last year for the fest. And, of course, each of them were (and still are) incredible fics. At the time, it was further proof to me of exactly what I can’t accomplish.

In all likelihood, these generalizations, stemming from a place of pain and jealousy because I wanted to write good fics too, came out in a personal conversation with someone, which they translated as a personal attack. It is valid. Whoever you are, your emotions are valid. It does not matter how I meant whatever I said, pain is what you felt. This person did not feel comfortable sharing that pain with me, so instead they turned to others and shared. My moment of vulnerability and pain then spread more pain.

Pain only comes from pain.

The response was to shadow ban me. In fact, I was never meant to find out about any of this. The pain this person shared was simply taken at face value and that was that.

So on my end, this decision showed up in the physical world this way: Suddenly all my asks went unanswered, people I tagged to share snippets and last lines and get to know more through ‘about me’ posts or who had once talked to me through DMs simply stopped speaking to me in a way that is only noticeable to the person being ignored. I thought I was going crazy. But there it was, right in front of me: absolute proof that I wasn’t good enough to be a part of this fandom.

Is anyone else beginning to see the cycle of pain?

I expect I continued this cycle right back, because the pain turned to bitterness. I’d been doing everything I could to support every author the best way I knew how, and this was what I got? The exact opposite?

I found out about this shadow ban and actual blocking around June of this year. An ask sent in by a friend for me, inquiring why I couldn’t reblog a post that’d been sent to me by someone else, finally gave me the answer that I’d been banned for the accusations you saw above.

Horrified, hurt, and unable to comprehend any of this except to know that I support every author no matter what they write, I sent an apology to the mods, trying to end this cycle the best I could without knowing any of the details of what had happened. There was nothing more I could do.

They thanked me for the apology, though as you can see from the email, it was never accepted. I do not say that as a judgement call, but simply as a statement of what happened. Everyone is entitled to accept or not accept in their own time and their own ways.

I have been healing so much since everything that occurred last year. And the more I dig in to this cycle, the more my heart goes out to the drafters of this email, to the person I hurt with my words who then turned to share it out of context with others, and to the people who shadow banned me in connection with this situation.

We attract to us what resonates with us. Like attracts like. Which means just as I’ve attracted the greatest friends to me, I have also attracted this pain, and conversely, these mods and that person attracted me to them.

Deep down, on some level we share the same core wounds. And the person who can really understand just how painful those wounds can be is someone who feels them too.

So this is my message to the mods of the above email, to those who have shadow banned me and want nothing to do with me, and to the original person I hurt with my words:

I am sorry for my part in this pain. I am sorry for causing pain and I apologize for it. You are loved. You are enough. You are doing a fantastic job. Your feelings are valid. Your hurt is valid. I don’t know what occurred that hurt you before I entered the fandom, but after finding out from others that an email like the one you sent above is ‘Oh that’s just how they are’ tells me something else happened to hurt you before I even arrived.

Your hurt then is valid too. Allow yourself to feel it and process it. Don’t let it consume you. Don’t let that hurt and fear of it happening again or believing that that’s how everyone is push away from you people who in fact love just what you love. If someone has a different belief from yours, don’t let it invalidate what is true for you. Believing internalized lies about myself only caused me pain. And we spread and create what we believe to be true, whether we consciously realize it or not.

So here, now, is my truth:

I choose to perpetuate love. I choose to spread love. I choose to understand my pain and the pain of others, to transmute it, and to heal it, instead of passing that pain on.

I choose compassion. Compassion for myself in making these mistakes, and compassion for those who have hurt me. I do not condone the email that was sent to me. No one deserves to be treated that way. I choose to focus beneath the visceral anger and lashing out, to focus on the agony beneath the words, and stop this cycle of pain.

I choose to belong in this fandom. I choose to support every author in this fandom and ensure no one ever feels not good enough. I choose to own my past mistakes and learn from them.

I choose trust. To trust that those who I truly hope will see this, will see it. I have no expectations of responses or outcomes or reactions. My only hope is that whoever will benefit from seeing this post will see it.

This is not a matter of right or wrong, bad or good, just or unjust. It is a situation of two parties in pain, triggered by the same triggers.

Looking back on that email, I’ve come to realize that half of the pain I felt when I received it was not my own. I felt the pain of the attack, sure, but I also felt the immense pain beneath those words. And I wish I could hug you. I acknowledge your pain and I acknowledge how painful it is because I know that pain myself. I also know that this pain isn’t you and it isn’t who you are.

So I choose to remember the mods I first met around this same time last year in this same email chain. Mods who were so kind and offered advice to a brand new writer even when she sent an email that had nothing to do with the fest and was still struggling to find her place in the fandom. I choose to remember how beautiful that kindness felt. I choose to remember how I was so grateful for that kindness that I shared my gratitude for these same mods in an email with with another fandom friend at the time. I am still grateful for you.

You are so loved. You are loved for being exactly who you are. This fandom is built upon love. A shared love of five incredibly talented lads who have brought so much joy and light when each and every one of us has needed it the most. Shine your light through the dark and believe with all your heart that you are not alone. You have support. I support you. Shine on. Don’t let anyone dim it.

[shorkbrian]

Never Ever

(Warnings - dub-con, non-con if you squint. NSFW, body insecurity)

“Stop fucking saying that!” Kiri paused, looking up from the magazine he was reading (men’s health, the one with big buff dudes on the cover, typical) to watch you storm out of the living room.

“Babe?”

You ignored him, stomping into the bedroom (you refused to call it “your” bedroom, or “our” bedroom, no matter how Kiri wishes you would).

Flopping down onto the big bed, you fluffed the covers out, quickly wiggling under them and pulling them up over your head. 

It was one of those moments when you didn’t feel like talking. You didn’t want to talk, you didn’t want to hear, to see or feel or do anything. You didn’t want to fucking exist.

You just wanted to sink into the bed and disappear, not only from the world, but from everyone’s minds.

Steady footfalls padded down the hall, into the bedroom. The bed shifted, and you heard Kirishima sigh.

“All I said was that you’re pretty. And you are. You’re beautiful. Gorgeous and breathtaking, and incredible, and stunning, and divine, and-”

“Shut up.”

Your growl made Kirishima chuckle, and it made your chest seize up. It’s so stupid, you’re so stupid. It wasn’t that big of a deal. 

“I don’t lie to you.”

That makes it worse. Huffing, you threw the covers off your head, met with the sight of Kirishima sitting on the edge of the bed, looking at you. He was so big, so muscled and broad, and he had such a nice body. He’d never understand.

“I know you’re not lying. You wouldn’t lie. But that’s the problem, you big oaf-” Kirishima grinned, and you wanted to punch him in the face. This wasn’t funny. “-You think everyone looks great, and you’d never put someone down for the way they look, even if they looked like a grotesque swamp monster.”

Trying not to cry was at the top of your priorities. 

“I don’t wanna talk about it anymore. Leave me alone.” If you said much more, crying would be inevitable. You shifted onto your side, facing away from the big redhead. With any luck, he’d get the message that you didn’t want him to be near you right now, and he would leave.

No such luck.

Kirishima grunted, and you felt the weight on the bed shift. He lifted up the covers, sliding in beside you, making no move to touch you. 

After a second of gathering his thoughts, Kiri spoke. “Well, I guess that’s kinda true. I think everyone has inherent worth, and their physical features don’t really contribute to it. Like, yeah, some people are really pretty, like Bakugou, but their looks don’t make them better than everyone else.”

A hand gently crept onto your waist, and you slapped it away quickly, scooting further away from the large man.

“But when I say you’re lovely, and attractive, and hot, and a whole-ass meal I mean it. And it’s not just about your body either, although like, you’re totally irresistible in that department.”

He tried again, a large hand clamping down on your waist. This time, when you angrily slapped at his hand, it stayed put.

“It’s just... You. You’re indescribable. I love you cause of the way you are.”

A warm, hulking body pressed against you, and you squirmed, but there was nowhere to go.

“I love you when you wake up in the morning, and you got like, those little eye booger things? Yeah. I love you when I come home and see your face, and when I get to hold you, and give you kisses-” A quick smooch was planted at the nape of your neck. “-and I love everything about you; all the good, all the bad. It’s no question.”

“Please don’t touch me.” You whispered. Such a wimp, you were crying now, throat tight, face hot. You felt so disgusting, and gross, and his words weren’t true, or if he believed them, then he was misguided. 

“Babe-”

“Please.”

“I’m not gonna do that.” His hold on you tightened, and he shuffled even closer, dwarfing your body with his own. “Tell me what’s going on, yeah? Let’s work this out.”

You stayed silent. It was too embarrassing, too trivial. He’d laugh at you, and you were a weak, pathetic little baby for even being bothered by this. Why couldn’t you just accept you were gross and ugly? Why did you have to cry a bout it?

“I’m not gonna leave until we talk, babe.” There was finality in his tone, and you could tell, he wasn’t going to budge.

Still, you couldn’t find the words. The feelings were just too much.

The two of you were still for a second, then Kirishima was shifting, turning onto his back, pulling you onto his chest and turning you so that your head rested on his chest. You’d struggle, but it’d be useless. Still, you wished he wouldn’t hold you.

You could hear his heartbeat like this. 

It was slow, steady, relaxing. You could probably fall asleep like this.

“I know you don’t feel good about how you look. That’s what this is about, isn’t it?” 

When you didn’t answer, he sighed, before continuing. 

“I’m paying attention. I see how you try not to look in the mirror, or how you always try to sit so your legs don’t “look big” or whatever. How you always do that thing with your head and you hate looking down cause you'll get a lil double chin.”

An ugly sob tore from your throat. Oh god, he had noticed all of that? You felt horrible. Awful. You were so dumb and embarrassing. 

“But I love when you’re just you. Your body is good as it is. I know you don’t think so, but I know for a fact that your brain is lying to you. Yeah, maybe you don’t look like those people on tv, or in magazines, or wherever... but you don’t need to, y’know?”

A kiss was placed on the top of your head, and Kirishima’s hand was stroking along your back, soothingly rubbing.

“You deserve love no matter how you look.”

“But I don’t-” you sobbed into his chest, hands fisting in the soft material of his shirt. “-not looking like-like this. I hate myself so much, and I’m so ugly, and stupid, and I know it’s like, super dumb to get upset like this-”

“It’s not.” Kirishima chimed in.

“-but I can’t ever just... be good enough. I look horrible, and my personality sucks, and everything about me is wrong and bad. I am so disgusting, and worthless, and-”

“You aren’t.” Kiri growled, cutting you off. The man sat up, taking you with him. He pulled you directly in front of him, so he could grab you by the shoulders and look into your eyes. “I don’t care what you say otherwise. I’ll say it and I’ll keep saying it until your ears bleed and my tongue falls off, you’re worth the fucking world to me.”

He surged forward, mashing his lips against yours. 

You clawed at the arms holding you in place. You didn’t want him to kiss you, your lips were chapped and you were all gross from crying. But Kirishima wouldn’t let up, nipping at your bottom lip, hungrily kissing you.

When he finally did relent, you pulled away, a fresh wave of tears rolling down your face. 

“Please don’t. I’m repulsive and obnoxious, and-and annoying-” you hiccuped.

Kirishima grabbed your face, rubbing at your tears with his thumbs.

“No you aren’t. You’re sexy as hell, and you’re so smart, and you’re kind, and I could go on and on and on.” He leaned in, planted a kiss on the tip of your nose, following you even though you shied backwards from his touch. “But right now, I don’t think you’re gonna listen to what I say. Guess I just gotta show you, don’t I?”

Your eyes widened, and you tried to wiggle free of his grasp. “No-”

“Shh, c’mere.”

He clambered off the bed, pulling you to the edge as he did so. Once the man was standing, he started undressing, letting go of you in the process.

“Kiri, you shouldn’t do this.” You whined, scrubbing at your eyes with your hands “I don’t want to, I never do - I’m gross and you’re so fit and in-shape, please don’t make me do this.”

The redhead clambered back on the bed, now devoid of clothes. 

You were right - he looked like he could be a fitness model, all smooth muscles and gleaming skin. No matter how much you worked out, or watched your diet, you still couldn’t achieve the type of body you wanted, and it was so frustrating. Why was it so easy for him, yet unattainable for you? You’d do almost anything to get the body you desired.

“Hey, listen to me.” Kirishima shuffled closer, grabbing your face with both hands, forcing you to look at him with puffy eyes. “You aren’t gross. You aren’t ugly, or fat, or any of those things that you tell yourself.”

“But I am!” Your voice was high, distressed, and you felt like a whiny little kid. When would you ever stop embarrassing yourself?

Kirishima shook his head, leaning in to give you a quick peck on the lips, before his hands moved to your clothes.

“No, don’t-”

He fixed you with a solemn glare, one of his hands catching your own when you tried to push at him, wrenching them into his chest, right over his heart.

“Feel that?” it was beating like a drum, heavy and quick. “I don’t care what I have to do to make you realize how worthy you are.”

The man pulled off your shirt, letting it tangle around your wrists where he was holding them. You had neglected a bra today, expecting to just do a few chores around the house today, so your breasts were bared to Kirishima’s hungry gaze.

With a shattered cry, you twisted to the side, trying to wiggle away from the big man, but he easily pulled you back into place.

“Look at you, you’re delicious.” His eyes were bright, a grin spreading across his face as he breathed down at you, gazing at your naked upper half.

“Kirishima, please stop. I don’t want to do this! Stop it!” You cried, feeling more tears spring to your eyes.

“Nope, not gonna happen.”

Your shorts were quickly pulled off your legs, along with your underwear, leaving you bare and vulnerable. You sobbed. You could only imagine what you looked like, held under Kirishima, unattractive and flabby underneath the muscular man.

Without a word, he dipped down to mouth at your collarbone, before planting hot kisses along your skin as he traveled further to your breasts. He finally let go of your wrists, which immediately came to push at his shoulders, but the large man wouldn’t budge.

“You’re so gorgeous, and hot. Look at how nice your tits are, all warm and soft.” To prove his point, he grabbed at the mounds, massaging them gently with his large palms as he kissed in-between them.

You writhed. “Hey, don’t-don’t! Stop doing th-at.” your skin was probably dry and riddled with odd textures - acne in some area, hair in others. How could Kirishima find that attractive?

He kept kissing all over your chest as you squirmed helplessly, still gently groping at your breasts with gentleness. His hands plucked at your nipples, softly squeezing your flesh, sucking hickies that made your breath hitch and your body jolt.

“God, you’re so perfect. Just right for me, just what I always need.”

His hands abandoned your tits, smoothing down your sides. “You feel amazing, just getting to touch you is so nice. You’re soft-” a kiss to your cheek “-and your skin gets all flushed-” a kiss to your collarbone “-and you look like a goddess.”

Hands skimmed over your stomach, and you burst into a fresh bout of tears, pushing more insistently at Kirishima’s shoulders. The man was feeling all over you, all of your lumpy bits, all of the places you hated and tried to hide and not think about. 

He pulled away from you, gazing down at you with softness in his eyes, hands coming to grip your thighs and pull you closer to where he was sitting on his knees.

“Y’know babe, if I was more patient I’d eat you out right now, always taste so fucking good. But-” moving to stroke at your folds with two fingers, Kirishima grinned at you wolfishly, baring his sharp teeth. “-You’ve got me all kinds of worked up, I can’t wait that long.”

You could feel his length pressing against the inside of your thigh, would be able to see it if you looked down. But then your chin would fold, and Kirishima would be able to see all the fat there, how the skin bunched and how you looked awful. No matter what he said, you knew the truth - you were disgusting.

A finger roughly worked it’s way inside of you, and you gasped at the sudden stretch, not nearly wet enough for it to be comfortable.

“Shit-” Kirishima murmured, before slowly taking out his digit. He leaned down spat directly onto your hole, smirked as he watched it clench at the sudden warmth of the liquid.

Then he was pushing his finger inside again, it’s way smoothed by his saliva. 

“Kiri... Please stoppp. I feel bad, ‘m not feeling good, it’s-”

“Shhhh, I’ll make you feel good in a second. Just gotta get my girl ready for me.”

You weren’t talking about the physical discomfort (though with the way he was rubbing over your walls, quick and determined, was making you shake), you were talking about your mental state.

You felt like trash; useless, foul-smelling, rotten garbage. How could Kirishima even want you? Why did he even want you? There was no way he found you attractive, he was just trying to make you feel better, trying to be kind and supportive, because that’s just the kind of person he was. 

Another finger entered you, joining the first in quickly stretching you. A third was added after a while, then a fourth, Kirishima kissing at the flesh of your torso throughout the entire process.

He was already breathing heavily, panting in between each kiss. You could feel his hips occasionally stutter towards you, as if the man couldn’t stop himself from moving, from rutting his cock against the inside of your thigh as he prepared you to take him.

“Mm, alright, ready baby?”

The fat head of his cock was lined up against your entrance as soon as his fingers pulled free, slick with your juices. Kirishima quickly stroked his hand over his cock, groaning lowly, before grabbing under the head, holding it steadily against your pussy.

“Gonna make you feel so good, want you to feel how much I love you.”

It didn’t matter how much you shook your head, or uttered blubbered “No!”’s, Kirishima was determined. 

He slowly sheathed himself into your tight heat, almost whimpering as your velvety walls enveloped his cock. The man has his eyes closed, biting his lips as he pressed further and further, before his hips jumped forward unconsciously, seating himself balls-deep into your cunt.

“Fuckkkk, baby, you feel so good, how are you even real?”

You could only gasp, filled to the brim with cock, unable to think past the thickness buried deep and pressing into all the right spots. 

Kirishima pulled out a few inches, but quickly sank forward again, sighing in pleasure as your pussy gripped his bare cock, making it wet and slick and creamy with all your juices. 

He brought his hand over your pelvis, pressing down on your mons with his palm, thumb hanging down to rub delicately at your clit, making you arch.

“Ohhh shit, what a good girl, feeling good?”

His question went unanswered as you moaned involuntarily, the sensations that the man was creating becoming too much and entirely not enough at the same time. 

“Love you so much, you’re so beautiful. My girl has the hottest body, the prettiest voice, let it out for me yeah?”

You shook your head, quickly clamping your hands over your mouth, whimpering as he pulled out, before fluidly thrusting back in. He hit so deep, past where your own fingers could reach, right in all the spots that felt the best.

“Awh, baby I wanna hear you.” He whined, still rubbing at your clit.

Your stomach was tight, pleasure lancing through your gut and up into your chest. You muffled your sounds with your hands, closing your eyes so you wouldn’t have to look at Kirishima, see his look of adoration as he ravished your body.

The man seemed fine with that, focusing on moving his body against yours, pulling you into his lap on each thrust. The way your hips were angled high made it easy for the man to fall into a comfortable rhythm, bottoming out before pulling back, the head of his dick scraping deliciously against your walls.

“You make me so happy, I don’t ever wanna be away from you. You’re the best thing in my life, I’m so glad I get to have you.” Kirishima groaned out, sweaty body pressing against yours as he leaned forward to embrace you in a hug. 

The man was always so touchy, wanting to hold hands, playing with your hair whenever he could, pulling your shirt aside to kiss at your shoulders whenever you let him.

He turned his head to kiss your cheek, before quickly becoming unsatisfied, pushing himself up so he could pull your hands away from your mouth.

“Wanna kiss my pretty girl.” 

And he did, almost melting against your body as his lips met yours. You let him do what he wished, fervently making out with you.

Again, his hand found it’s way to your slit, fingers rubbing against your puffy lips. When they made contact with your clit, you jolted, hot pleasure climbing higher and higher.

“Kiri, Kiri, gonna-gonna cum, gonna cum.”

“Oh fuck, me too, you’re so fucking tight, your sloppy little pussy keeps pulling me in, fuck.”

You whined, pulling your head back from Kirishima to breathe, only for the man to start kissing at your neck, hot and wet.

The pleasure in your stomach crested, throbbing through your core as you came, clutching at Kirishima. The man moaned against your neck, hips working into you in little circles as he chased after his own pleasure. Your vision blacked out momentarily as he kept fucking into you, prolonging your pleasurable high.

You were still riding the last waves of your orgasm when the man pulled out, grunting as he stripped his cock over your stomach, grunting. “I love you, fuck, I love you so much.”

He came on your stomach, moaning brokenly as his hand worked over his cock, eventually slowing down, before stopping completely. The man had his eyes closed, barely cracking one open so he could flop down beside you without hitting you.

The sounds of the two of you breathing filled the space, panting together. 

Kirishima turned on his side, facing you as he smiled. “That felt amazing. I’m so lucky that you’re mine.”

You ignored him the best you could, the feelings of insecurity creeping back in. 

A hand suddenly appeared on your stomach, running through the mess of Kirishima’s cooling cum, rubbing it into your skin.

“Kirishima, ew.” You groaned, head flopping back onto the mattress. You were too tired to push him away, too worn out to dispute his praises and adulation.

You suppose that had been his plan from the beginning.

“Sorry, it’s just - you look so sexy like this, my cum all over you. It’s like I’m marking my territory.” You frowned at the mans’s goofy grin, but just closed your eyes instead of saying anything.

“Hey-” Kiri shuffled closer, his clean hand coming to cup your chin and pull your face to his. Red eyes stared into your own, wide and truthful. “I love you. That’s never going to change.”

Your gaze flickered to the side, and Kirishima took ash opportunity to press your foreheads together, nose nudging against your cheek.

“Never ever.”

[lokislittlesigyn]

Wake Me - Loki x Reader [Oneshot]

[My masterlist, where this and my other fics can be found]

Pairing: Loki / gender neutral reader

Warnings: Angst. But fear not, for fluff awaits!

Author’s Note: I have legitimately no idea if I’ll write more Loki x Reader; I never intended to write any because I don’t know the reader so I can’t characterize the reader but then I had a headcanon.. And then I had an idea...

And then I wrote this and I thought “hmm, I should challenge myself to do a New Thing?” and then this happened. Blame Loki, maybe? He seems to be behind a lot of this.

Is there any demand for a taglist of.. Possible future Loki x Readers? I dunno? Let me know.

This fic is loosely based off a song by the same name, which is also one of my favorite songs! Enjoy. <3

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You didn’t notice it at first.

Not for the first few days… Weeks? You weren’t sure how long it had been happening. How long Loki had been leaving your bed in the middle of the night.

Your apartment was a decent size - more than decent, considering the average size of a New York City apartment. Being a close friend and employee of Tony Stark and Pepper Potts (was it Stark now?) had its perks. The apartment had a bedroom, a bathroom across the short hall, a living room which doubled as your workspace, and a good-sized kitchen. Even had a washer and dryer at the end of the hall, tucked neatly into a little closet that also held a few of your coats. As an added luxury, there was a small - very small - balcony off the living room. Hardly big enough to stand on, it was nevertheless a wonderful spot to sit and watch the sun set over the city. You loved living there, in that cozy space you’d made your own, and eventually welcomed Loki into. 

Loki. Not exactly someone you’d intended to end up with. Then again, who intends to fall in love with a god?

Who intends to fall in love at all?

You’d met through friends of friends, and that was about the only mundane thing about your relationship. Said friends of friends were the Avengers for crying out loud, and the moment you saw Thor in person you nearly froze from shock. The moment you saw his brother, however, your heart practically leapt out of your chest and into the hand Loki reluctantly extended, per his brother’s direction.

You took his hand in your own, trying not to tremble as you shook it. You gave your name. He gave his. You parted ways. A mundane interaction, right?

But again, few things about your relationship were mundane.

You would’ve written it off as a simple, regular greeting if Loki hadn’t found you later as you skulked along the edges of Tony’s huge party. You knew the hosts, of course, and some of the other guests - but everything was so big and frightening and new you hardly knew what to do with yourself. 

How were you, a regular human, supposed to deal with all… That? Heroic wasn’t a word you’d really use to describe yourself. Let alone super-heroic - that title was reserved for the incredible individuals around you, whose personalities and achievements eclipsed your own. You mulled over the thought, drink still clutched firmly in hand, but untouched.

And that was when Loki commented on the fact you looked “nearly as miserable as he felt.” You couldn’t help but blush a little and laugh at the comment. You quipped something back - something about misery loving company, and Loki’s eyebrows raised. His expression gave little else away, though. It hardly ever did.

It wasn’t until many months after the party, after you and Loki had gotten to know each other better and started dating, that he whispered the truth to you: the idea that anyone would be gladder with him around than with him gone, was astonishing to him. He could hardly believe it.

But when it came to you? He believed you.

You had no reason to lie to him. No need to impress him, or earn his favor, or act cordially for fear of an Asgardian royal. You were safe at that party, and you were safe when you visited him at the Avengers compound - you had no reasonable ulterior motives. Nothing to hide.

And, likewise, he had no reason to actively hide things from you, now that you lived together and you knew about his past, about his parentage.

Or, you thought he had no reason to hide things from you…

So why was he leaving you at night?

The first night you truly noticed it was on a dark, cool night of spring. 

You’d left the bedroom window open while you fell asleep, and upon waking up thought to yourself, still under a veil of sleepiness, that you should probably get up and close it. But as your eyes opened and adjusted to the dark, you noticed two things.

First, the window was closed, the curtains completely drawn. 

Second, the place next to you, where Loki usually lie, was empty. Completely empty, the bed covers pushed toward you to help keep you warm. Still half-asleep, your hand smoothed over the sheets to his spot - cold. He’d been gone a while. 

You squinted to see through the crack in your bedroom door, but couldn’t make out if the bathroom light was on. Maybe he’s in there.. You shrugged to yourself, flipping back over and nuzzling into your pillow. You’d meant to stay awake until he returned, just to be sure he was okay, but sleep quickly washed over you again.

When you woke up the next morning, you realized you definitely should’ve been able to see if the bathroom light was on, had it been on, so Loki couldn’t have been in there. He was never one for midnight snacking, as far as you could tell, so he probably wasn’t in the kitchen.

The more you thought about it, the more it bothered you. You tried to brush it aside - after all, Loki was a very private person, slow to trust or to show much emotion. He was vulnerable with few people... Maybe only one person - you. The trust between you had been hard-won, and you loved every new piece of himself he showed you. 

He also enjoyed quiet time, often spent with books. Reading, writing notes, sometimes even napping in the safety of your apartment, his forgotten book on his chest as he lie draped across the couch, his lanky limbs hanging off the edges. You really needed a bigger couch.

Yes, you assured yourself. Loki just needed time alone every now and then. Everyone did, right? 

You tried to ignore it, you truly did. 

But later, it happened again. 

You woke up to an empty bed, a dark room, and the door pulled to. This time you could swear you saw a light coming from the other room, so this time you figured he was in the bathroom and once again you succumbed to sleep.

~~~~

The morning after, you woke up to your regular routine: Get up, get dressed, make coffee for two, eat some sort of breakfast, and get to work. Work didn’t exactly have a set location - that close friendship with the Starks stemmed from having worked with Pepper for years, and now since you worked for Stark Industries, you enjoyed several perks. 

Sometimes Pepper brought you in on-site, other times (more often than not, considering the fact you had an ex-villain alien god to worry about… and not everyone was convinced about the ex part) you simply received work on your secure Stark-tech computer and worked remotely. From home, from a cafe, even from the Avengers compound when you visited. (You had a room there, too - as did Loki. Courtesy of Tony.)

So as you sat with your laptop in front of you on your desk, the window cracked to let some air in, you started the day. Coffee in hand, a half-eaten croissant next to you.

Loki stood next to you, sipping his own coffee. 

He liked to watch you work. Liked to distract you from work too - he wasn’t the god of mischief for nothing.

“Sleep well?” He broke the silence first.

You took another bite of breakfast. “Yeah. You sleep okay?”

He shifted his weight. “Fine.”

“You sure?”

His hand touched your shoulder, as if to reassure you. “Just fine. How long are you working today?” His fingers smoothed their way from your shoulder to your clavicle and back - slowly, rhythmically. 

“I literally just got started,” you muttered a soft laugh, and he chuckled in turn.

“But I like spending time with you.”

“Well I like spending time with you, too. But work is important.”

“Would it be less important if I gave Stark something better to worry about than..” Loki leaned over, scrutinizing the screen, “Interview paperwork?”

You raised your eyebrows at him. “Loki, do not attack my boss, please.”

“I said nothing about attacking him.”

“Loki.”

“Yes, love?” He smiled down at you. You huffed - he had no right to be this charming, nor this cute - but that worry was still gnawing at you. Why had he left last night? 

“Are you sure you slept okay?”

He paused a moment, then smiled - but it seemed forced. “Yes. I slept just fine - do you need to talk about something..?”

“You left.. In the middle of the night, I woke up and you were gone.”

He swallowed. “I hadn’t realized you were awake - forgive me.” His hand slid down your shoulder, to your arm - and then away. “It was just a bit of restlessness, darling, you mustn’t worry.” He kissed the top of your head, then straightening up, raised his coffee mug to his lips again. “I’ll leave you to that.. Riveting work of yours… Let me know if you ever need a welcome distraction.”

“You’re always welcome,” you smirked slightly. You weren’t convinced he was only restless but.. Maybe he was. Who knew? Loki was a mystery to many. You’d try to believe him, at least.

“Am I?” He grinned. “Then I’ll be sure to distract you often.” With a small wink, he turned and left.

~~~~

The next time you noticed it, it seemed later in the night. And this time, you heard something too. Crying. Talking - like a whisper, barely audible past the soft sobs.

The door was cracked again, but had swung a bit more open than the times before. That must be the source of the sound...

Resolved to figure out what was going on, you slid out of bed. Tried to stay quiet as you walked to the door and peered out.

There was faint light coming from the living room. A silhouette on the wall showed Loki’s position - in front of the balcony, the street lights casting his shadow. You inched down the hallway, stopping just before you reached the living room.

“...Mother, you would. I just know it. (Y/N) is endlessly beautiful, and intelligent, and… and kind…” Loki was sitting in the floor, his back to you. Dressed in the same clothes he usually wore to bed - loose pants and a comfortable green shirt. His long black hair was messy, and his body shook with sobs.

The door to the balcony was open, allowing a cool night breeze to drift in. An occasional car drove by, or plane flew overhead, but Loki was focused on the stars.

“Just like you. But I, I don’t.. I don’t deserve it. Any of it-” his voice cracked, “And I miss you.”

Your heart broke. You made your way across the living room, quietly, carefully. 

“I miss you every day,” Loki continued, shaky hands brushing hair back from his face, then gripping it in agony. “I-I wish we could speak, we could.. See each other.. That you could see me - see us, but... You’re not here.”

“Loki?” you muttered, and he inhaled sharply, turning around. 

Now you could clearly see the tears streaming down his face. His mouth was slightly open, but he closed it, his lips pressed into a thin line. 

“I- ... Darling, you shouldn’t be up at this hour,” He stood, blinking away his tears. “Go back to bed.”

You stood your ground, but tried to pick your words carefully. He looked so vulnerable, standing there in the dark, still trying to steady himself.

“No, something’s clearly wrong. Loki... How long has this been going on?”

“It doesn’t matter..”

“Yes it does.” You moved closer. He twitched - but let you approach, let you reach up to brush a tear off his cheek. More fell as he pressed his face against your palm, relishing the touch. His brows pressed together, he looked as though he could break at any time.

“Weeks,” he whispered.

“Oh, Loki..” You embraced him. He welcomed it, his arms wrapping around you, clutching you close to his shaking chest. He moved to lower himself and you followed, the both of you slowly sitting on the ground, you tucked against him, his body trembling with sobs.

Tears pricked in the corners of your eyes. What had this long life done to him?

How many nights had he cried alone?

It was several minutes before either of you spoke again. Loki calmed, his nose finding a comfortable place nestled against your hair, and his breath eventually steadied. His grip loosened. The crying slowed.

“I-I’m sorry.. I’m sorry I left you,” He gulped. “This is the only way I can talk to her anymore.”

You pulled away to see his face. Tilted your head. “Her..?”

Loki’s eyes met yours. “Frigga. My mother. She..” He couldn’t bring himself to say the next word.

“I remember.” You nodded slowly.

He’d told you a while ago that his mother had died, after Thor had brought up their parents. But he never said how. 

Loki clenched his jaw. “It… It was my fault, it was all my fault-” He settled into another bout of crying.

“Loki, love - that can’t be true. I-I don’t know everything about your life,” You cupped his face, bringing him to look at you. He sniffed, swallowing again. “I don’t. I wasn’t there for all of it. But I know you. And I know you would never, ever harm your mother.”

“But I did, I did- that monster, I told it how to escape - I told it how to reach her. And it did, and she-” He stopped himself, biting the inside of his cheek. His breath grew shaky again as he forced himself to speak. “There was a funeral. I wasn’t allowed to attend - Odin would never allow that. He barely wanted me alive in the first place,” he hissed, his face contorted with rage for a moment, before relaxing again. “I found out after. By then her body had returned to the stars..” Loki turned to the outside again.

Moonlight graced his skin, highlighting the tears still glistening on his cheeks. His eyes searched the heavens, as though begging for a sign - something real, something palpable, something to tell him she was out there. 

“Loki, I’m.. I’m so sorry. But it’s not your fault. It’s not.” You spoke as gently yet firmly as you could. Giving a monster - whatever it was - directions (you figured it was to spite the Asgardians who imprisoned him) didn’t equate to murder. He hadn’t intended it to play out that way, after all. But you could understand the guilt behind it.. And you hated the fact he’d carried that burden alone.

He stayed quiet. Pulled you closer, his chin on your shoulder, his eyes still trained on the sky. 

“I wish she could meet you.” he confessed, his head leaning against your own. His arms still firm around you, his hands finding yours - your fingers intertwined. “She’d love you.”

“I’d like to meet her, too. But maybe she can see us now.” You moved closer to him, your thumb stroking his hand. You felt Loki smile next to you - it was small, and fragile, but it was there.

“Perhaps she can,” he murmured. 

“Maybe she can see how happy you are - you’re happy, aren’t you?” You glanced at him. He kissed your temple, staying cuddled up against you. 

“Happier than ever. I.. Thank you, love. Thank you for finding me. I hadn’t the heart to, to ask you to join me… I’d hate to wake you.”

“Loki, you’re important to me. I love you, remember?” You turned, facing him fully, your back to the open door. “Can you promise me something?”

His brow furrowed slightly, but he seemed willing to listen, watching you intently.

“Promise me, if you’re lonely, wake me.”

Tears glistened in his eyes again. He nodded, slowly, and managed a soft smile.

“Yes, my love,” he murmured. “I promise.”

[mypoisonedvine]

how about a dark bucky x naive reader where he always gets nightmares and she is always trying to help him (making him tea, laying with him til he sleeps, etc.) and one night she laying beside him and he’s having a nightmare and he traps her and says “this is the way to help me” and then there’s non/dubcon since she does want to help him 😳🥺

oh my godddd i love this!!  anon your mind.... this idea has been living in my brain rent free ever since you sent it it.

noncon, yandere-ish bucky, breeding kink, slight somnophilia and more below the cut people, watch out

he would definitely be really sweet at first, even with his brooding and aura of mystery

so it’s impossible for you to resist trying to get to know him better even as he seems to avoid you sometimes

eventually he opens up enough to tell you about his nightmares, and you feel awful about it.  he struggles to get enough sleep and sometimes he’ll try to get you to hang out late and you realize it’s because he’s afraid of trying to sleep at all.

you tell him to spend the night in your room and you guys can hang out and have a classic high school-style sleepover with junk food and movies.  you figure maybe it’ll distract him and maybe he’ll stay up so late that when he’s exhausted, he’ll be able to fall asleep easily.

it’s a lot of fun but it doesn’t seem to help much.  and it gets awkward when he makes a move on you and you do your best to gently rebuff him.   i like you a lot but i don’t like you like that-- i just want to be your friend, if i can 

it’s never an easy conversation to have but he seems to take it well, or as well as he could be reasonably expected to

your next solution was tea with melatonin.  he got to bed easier but he still had terrible nightmares and you had to wake him up because he nearly choked you out in his sleep.

finally, he asked you to sleep beside him in his bed, and you felt a little conflicted about it.

I know the last time you were around me while I slept went... really poorly... but I promise, I won’t hurt you.  I could never hurt you.

you agree only because you want to help him so badly

at first it’s normal, even sweet.  you brush your teeth together in the bathroom, you change into your comfiest pajama set and try to ignore that he’s sleeping shirtless.

you fall asleep pretty easily, and hope that he’s doing the same

but not so much later, you wake up to metal fingers pushing up the bottom of your shirt, running over your hips and waist

you mumble through the haze of half-sleep to ask him what’s going on but stop when you feel his hand slide under the fabric and wrap around your breast.

you open your mouth to speak but no words come out. you're totally paralyzed.

he slides closer and you feel his entire body pressed against your back. he's so warm, it's almost hot to the touch. hottest of all is the hard outline of his cock pressing right into your ass.

he rolls his hips against you and lets out an incredibly soft moan-- that's when you realize that he must be having some very strange dream or nightmare, that he isn't meaning to do this to you.

bucky, wake up! you're having a nightmare...I think...

I'm awake, the voice right beside your ear informs you. that or I'm having the best dream of my life.

you stammer because you have no idea what is going on. w-wait...

this is the only thing that's helped. I never told you, but the nights where I tired myself out by jerking off and imagining you, those were the ones where I slept the best. but it didn't fix it completely. I just know if you help me, the nightmares will go away.

before you can even speak again he's talking over you, sounding less sweet and more stern.

don't you wanna help me, doll? don't you wanna help me feel good? don't worry, I'll make you feel good too...

the hairs on the back of your neck are standing up because you know something is horribly wrong, but you want to give him a chance. still, you're unsure. I don't know...

you don't know? you said you were my friend. friends help each other.

you gulp and answer sheepishly, o...okay...

thanks, doll. I knew I could count on you.

he grabs your hand and pulls it down. you gasp as he wraps it around his manhood-- it's thick, and hard yet silky.

you've never touched a cock before have you?

you feel embarrassed, you realize you must be doing something wrong already if he noticed your lack of experience.  um, no... I haven’t...

oh I don't mind! it's a good thing. your hands are really soft... so much softer than mine.

you stay still and let him fuck into your hand, your face burning with shame even though you began to feel arousal tingle between your legs.

after a little more of that, he moves you around until he’s hovering over you, his hips between your legs.

I wanna try something different-- it’ll be better.

before you can stop him he’s rubbing his cock against your crotch, through your flimsy little shorts, and the sensation sends shivers up your spine.  you had touched yourself before, but this felt totally different.  

with him on top of you like this, you feel so small. his body towers over and envelops yours, but even with all that strength his little moans sounded gentle and vulnerable.

he leans down and you can feel his breath on your neck, his long hair falling down and tickling your face while his stubble scratches against your cheek

fuck, I love you, he murmurs into your ear.

what?! you try to recoil but you're trapped between him and the bed.

don't you love me too? I know you do.

you shake your head, you can’t even believe what’s happening.  I told you, we're just friends

he grabs your jaw suddenly, forcing you to look at him, and even in the dark you can see his eyes burning with anger.

I know you love me. if you don't, you will.

he starts to move his hips back and pull your pajama shorts to the side, and for all your naivete you know exactly what's about to happen.

bucky, please-- don't put it in me-- no, stop, wait--!

he shoves into you, groaning as your unwilling body is forced to accept him

hnng, you're so tight doll. can't you feel how wet you are? that's how I know you love me. god, you feel so fucking good.

you sob and try to push at his shoulders but he's like fucking granite.

don't fight it, it’s gonna feel good for you soon... you just need time to get used to me.

you can’t imagine how this could ever feel good, it stings and makes you feel nauseous-- that is, until he reaches down and swipes his calloused thumb over your sensitive bud.  

your whole body jerks and your fingers dig into his shoulders.

oh, do you like that princess?  

you want to deny it but you’re too busy bucking your hips involuntarily, chasing more sensation

fuck, you’re a needy little thing, huh?  you need me so bad... don’t worry, I’m here to take care of you.  god, you don’t know how long I’ve waited for the chance to take care of you....

suddenly the burn inside you begins to subside and you feel the tip of his cock rubbing against something that makes your walls tighten around him with every thrust. 

you hear your whimpers of pain morph into moans of pleasure, and you can hardly believe the noises are coming from you.

feels good, doesn’t it?  god, you’re such a tease... inviting me for a sleepover-- you don’t even know what that means for adults, does it?

guilt burns in your stomach as you wonder if you really did lead him on, if it means something different than you thought and that’s why he came onto you.

and before that, spending nearly every day with me and talking with me about things I’d never told anyone before... you may have fooled yourself but I knew you wanted me so damn bad.

had you??  you couldn’t remember now.  of course you’d always thought he was cute, that was objectively true, but you were just trying to be his friend...

and now you act so shocked and confused when I fuck you, but within a few minutes you’re moaning and begging for more.  

you don’t remember any begging.

his thrusts get a little rougher and you choke on nothing.

I know you want it.  I know you need it-- need me.

you can tell you’re going to come, but it doesn’t feel like how it feels when you’re by yourself.  it feels so much more intense, electric even, and you’re not sure you’ll be able to handle it.

god, i’m so close-- you’re close too, aren’t you?  you feel so good, doll.  feel so good around my cock.  fuck, you want me to come inside?

no, buck, you can’t-- i’m not--

oh it’s gonna feel so fucking good to fill you up, doll... and i know you’re gonna love how it feels when i come inside you.

you start to cry again, terrified that he’s going to get you pregnant when you’ve never even had sex before now.  please-- stop... i’ll help you again tomorrow, i’ll help you whenever you want, just please don’t come inside me...

oh doll, you’re gonna help me every night now, don’t worry about that.  gonna fuck you again before the night’s over, more likely than not.  gotta keep those nightmares away until I can only dream of you.

against everything in you hoping not to, you come suddenly.  you feel yourself tightening and fluttering around him as your whole body convulses.  

when your back arches, he slips his arms under you and holds you close, fucking into you with brutal speed and force.

fuck, right there-- fuck, doll, i’m coming, oh fuck!

with a deep growl he pushes his hips against yours as hard as he can, burying himself in your pulsating warmth.  you whimper and cry as his cock flexes with each spurt of come emptied into you.  it feels like it goes on forever, his come coating your walls while he sucks on the crook where your neck meets your shoulder.

fuck, baby... you’re incredible...

you shiver, waiting for him to pull out and roll off of you, but he just relaxes and kisses all along your collarbone.

god, I could fall asleep like this.  I sure as hell couldn’t have any nightmares with you keeping my cock warm in my sleep.

bucky... what if you got me pregnant?

oh, don’t talk like that, he purrs, you’ll get me all worked up and I’ll have to fuck you again.

he kisses you on the nose and it’s so disgustingly intimate.

I think I’ll be able to sleep again, at least for a few hours. come on, let’s move over to my side of the bed and you can be my little spoon.

[comfortwriting]

Closer - F.W

Fred Weasley x Fem Reader, inspired by the song ‘Closer’ by Nine Inch Nails

About: Fred and the reader decide to spice things up in the bedroom after he surprises her with a box full of fun.

Theme: dom!Fred sub!Reader, smut, smut and more smut.

Warnings: Heavy, filthy smut, BDSM, slapping, degrading, sex toys, fisting, rimming, and swearing.

You laid on the bed flicking through pictures of you and Fred from a Christmas party last year, putting them away on the bedside table, you noticed a white box poking out from the inside the wardrobe.

Walking over to it you picked up the box and brought it back on the bed, you sat down and pulled the red ribbon loose that kept the lid on. The label in the middle of the bow staring at you.

‘To my dearest Y/N. Love, Fred’

You told yourself to put the ribbon back on and put it back where you found it, but you were too intrigued. The curiosity spreading through your thoughts got the better of you.

Taking the lid off you blushed at the red tissue paper, hiding whatever lay underneath. Peeling back the paper your heart nearly stopped at the items staring back you.

Your face went hot and red, you felt like screaming out in excitement but you didn’t want Fred to find out what you had done.

Inside the box were an arrangement of BDSM related equipment: a black spanking paddle with red hearts dotted around the handle, vibrators, red hand cuffs that matched with a ankle spreader bar, a satin blindfold and a ball gag.

The items just kept coming and coming, each time you pulled one out another appeared, you could boil a kettle with the heat coming off your cheeks.

Hearing footsteps come up the stairs, you panicked and tried to put the items back into the box but Fred caught you red handed.

“Darling, I...” he spotted the box and his face flushed too “you already opened it”

You put the lid on and hurried trying to make a bow with the ribbon “I’m sorry it’s just, it was staring at me and I couldn’t stop myself from opening it!”

Fred tutted at you and pulled the box away. He took the lid off again and pulled out the items you had already had a good look at.

You noticed Fred getting erect, his cock poking through his trousers. He put the box back into the wardrobe and sat next to you on the bed.

You could feel your heart beat both in your chest and crotch, you would need to remove your clothes if you continued to heat up.

“You’ve been a very bad girl, opening that box.” His voice sounding gruff.

You swallowed hard “I said I was sorry”

Fred looked taken aback, a playful smile forming on his face. “Are you back chatting me now?”

“No, I—“

Fred unfastened his trousers and pulled his boxers down, his hard cock slapping against his stomach. He grabbed you by the hair and pulled your head down, forcing you to take him into your mouth.

You gagged as he tightened his grip on your hair, controlling you, bobbing your head up and down.

“Dirty fucking slut” he moaned out whilst face fucking you, getting harder just from watching you struggle taking in his full length.

You kept choking and Fred pulled you off him, and threw you face down onto the bed. He kicked off his trousers and boxers, and then his shirt. Fred stripped off your clothes with a simple swish and grabbed the hand cuffs, your hands behind your back he placed the cuffs around your wrists.

You let me violate you

You let me desecrate you

You let me penetrate you

You let me complicate you

Fred shoved three of his long fingers inside of you, finger fucking you. You moaned out in pleasure.

“That feels so fucking good” you whined out.

Fred slapped your wet pussy in response, and turned you around. He put the same three fingers into your mouth, throat fucking you. Your juices spreading across your lips and mouth.

“Go on, taste yourself” Fred groaned out.

Your gagging causing more saliva to form in your mouth. Fred pulled his hand away and slapped you again, forcing you back down to swallow his cock.

He held your head down and refused to move, you couldn’t breathe and Fred took pleasure in that. Your hands still behind your back in the cuffs.

Pulling you away, you gasped out for air desperately as he went over to bed to get more items.

I broke apart my insides

(Help me) I've got no soul to sell

(Help me) the only thing that works for me

Help me get away from myself

Fred grabbed the ball gag and placed it into your mouth, fastening it tightly at the back of your head so you couldn’t break free.

Fred also took a hold of the ankle spreader, your legs now open wide for him.

Laces of salvia streamed from your mouth, the cold air making you shiver. Fred grabbed you once more by the hair, turning you to face him he spat in your face and slapped you. “You’re worthless”

Dragging you over to his desk, bending you over it. Your tits feeling crushed against the hard wood. “So fucking helpless” Fred taunted you.

Fred grabbed the paddle and slapped your bare arse four times, he tossed it back on the bed and got onto his knees, he grabbed the vibrator turning it on and he pressed it against your clit.

You tried to moan out but found it hard due to the gag, your struggled muffles excited Fred. Taking away the vibrator he slapped your pussy making you jolt. “You’ll cum when I tell you to.”

I wanna fuck you like an animal

I wanna feel you from the inside

I wanna fuck you like an animal

My whole existence is flawed

You get me closer to God

Fred spat in his hand and rubbed his spit against your entrance, without warning he slammed his dick inside of you, your mouth in agony from the force of the gag.

Fred grabbed the desk for support with one hand and held your head down with the other, your face on its side.

Fucking you senselessly, tears streamed down your face and your legs shook violently, wanting to close them but you couldn’t.

Your walls tightened around Fred, edging closer to your climax “hold back you bitch!” Fred moaned “don’t cum yet!”

Your messy and knotted hair stuck to your face, your tears acting like glue.

Fred continued to pound you senselessly, your eyes rolling back into your head, your muffled moans filling the room.

You can have my isolation

You can have the hate that it brings

You can have my absence of faith

You can have my everything

Fred could feel himself wanting to burst at any moment, he pulled out quickly “sorry about the stretch” he warned, getting on his knees he put four fingers inside of you and then his thumb.

Your moans got louder, adjusting to his fist inside of you. While fisting you, Fred’s tongue circled around your arsehole, the new sensation driving you off the edge.

you tear down my reason

(Help me) it's your sex I can smell

(Help me) you make me perfect

(Help me) become somebody else

Despite the degradation, the roughness and restraints, you and Fred felt so secure and safe, you were sharing your vulnerabilities with one another.

You were giving yourselves to one another in a whole new way, something you had never done before, something new for the both of you.

Your intimacy with Fred brought out a new confidence in him and you, within yourselves and one another.

I wanna fuck you like an animal

I wanna feel you from the inside

I wanna fuck you like an animal

My whole existence is flawed

You get me closer to God

Fred slowly pulled out his fist and stopped rimming you, the saliva pooling from the ball gag made a puddle by your chin.

Fred removed the ankle spreader, your handcuffs and finally the ball gag. Your legs shaking and wanting to collapse as you were finally free from the spreader. Before you could stand up, Fred rubbed your face in the pool of saliva.

You whimpered from the pain caused by the gag, but feeling Fred push himself inside once again you took your mind off it very quickly.

“Fucking hell, Fred” you cried, with each slam.

“This is all you’re worth, you fucking whore” he groaned, picking up his pace.

You squeezed yourself around his cock on purpose, in response his rock hard cock throbbed inside of you.

“Fucking cum with me” Fred ordered.

Fred slammed into you, the two of you becoming exhausted and exasperated with the continuous edging.

Through every forest

Above the trees

Within my stomach

Scraped off my knees

I drink the honey

Inside your hive

You are the reason

I stay alive

Feeling the pit getting heavier in your stomach you let go, Fred releasing inside of you. As your legs gave out, Fred pulled out and stumbled back and you fell backwards onto the floor.

You laid on your back staring at the spinning ceiling catching your breath.

Sitting in front of Fred in the bath you felt light kisses peck upon your shoulders and lower neck, his fingers stroking your back.

“That was.. new... incredible” you croaked, your throat feeling sore from the finger and cock fucking.

You felt Fred smile against your skin “You’re incredible. You’re so fucking beautiful, love”

You laid back into his arms, the water splashing with you.

“You’re not a whore and you aren’t worthless.” Fred reassured you “I didn’t hurt you did I?”

You couldn’t help but giggle “I know Fred, and no you didn’t hurt me. It was just a bit let down that you didn’t use the blindfold.” You joked.

“We can make arrangements” Fred replied.

You smiled and wrapped his arm around you. “What a day”

[buckyownsmylife]

Burn - Loki Smut

The one where a dark!Loki becomes obsessed with you and won’t stop until you’re his. Based on a request from the incredible @cosvic-brownie.

Warnings: non-con, smut, breeding, kidnapping, obsessive behavior, dirty talk, bdsm, bruising, possessiveness, spanking

Loki’s P.O.V.

“It’s a pleasure to meet you, Your Highness.” From the moment you two met, you had impressed him. While everyone recoiled at the mere sight of the prince, despised in Asgard, feared here, you treated him like he was any other - no, you treated him like he was proper royalty - like he deserved to be rightfully treated. You never flinched when he found ways to touch you innocently, like when he accepted the cup of tea you offered him in the mornings or when you showed him how to use the remote to turn on that lousy screen that everyone was so obsessed with. 

He’d never before shown any interest in learning how to use such devices, but as soon as you appeared in his life, he took whatever means possible to be able to smell your sweet perfume that enticed him so very dearly.

Meanwhile, you never even noticed. Loki could easily see that all of his attention, his little ways of showing you his interest went completely unseen. It wasn’t that you didn’t care - in fact, the problem was the exact opposite: you cared too much. You had a heart bigger than yourself, and you showed your love for everyone equally, all the time.

Loki didn’t like that. He wanted you all to himself, or at least that you prioritized him just as he had done when he put you in the frontline of all of his thoughts. Sometimes, he could see why it was wrong of him to want you. But even in those moments, he couldn’t find it in himself to care. Wasn’t he already a monster? You were the only possibility of him ever joining the light. He needed you.

So he patiently watched over your every move, ever the gentleman, always there to help and smile when you needed someone. He couldn’t very well let anyone else be the one who fulfilled your needs. While watching, he created and perfected his plan, while feeding his belief that you were the right person for him. In his mind, you were already his. Certainly, the way your eyes lit up when he joined you in the kitchen every morning or how you constantly asked for his opinions during conversations were your way of communicating without raising your team’s suspicions, right? They would never understand just how badly you wanted to be with him, alone with him, only with him. But he did. And he would do everything in his power to make you happy.

One day, an opportunity appeared. You had announced to everyone that you were going to use up some vacation time to finally get to travel a bit, and Loki could barely believe his own ears. This was really it. Somehow, you had understood his schemes and planned accordingly. Now, you’d finally be able to run away together.

Loki didn’t even sleep that night, just patiently waited in the darkest corner of your room until your bags were packed and you had fallen asleep. Grinning from ear to ear, he ran a single finger over the skin that had become exposed as your top scrunched up from your restless movements, and in a blast of dark green mist, you were both gone.

Y/N’s P.O.V.

At first, you couldn’t understand what was wrong. In fact, it didn’t really seem like anything was wrong. You felt… warm. Comfortable, even. Slowly, your senses started to awaken as your body did, and it was only when you tried to stretch like you usually did every morning that you realized that, in fact, something really was wrong.

“Loki?” You whispered, finding his green eyes looking at you expectantly as he grinned like the cat who got the mouse. “Why are you in my bed?” Just then, his fingers tightened around my waist, making me realize something much more important. “Loki…” I started, “Why am I naked?”

Instead of an answer, what I got was a kiss. My eyes widened at the feeling of his lips on mine. I had dreamed of this moment countless times, but I’d never imagined it to happen like this. It felt off, especially since I couldn’t understand what was going on. “You’re not kissing me back,” he took notice after some time of trying to pry my lips open with his.

“And you didn’t answer me,” I countered, and that same damn smirk appeared on his face again.

“Well, you’re in my bed, darling. And that means that you have to follow my rules. In my bed, no clothes are allowed.” That statement led me to realize two more things. First, there was a particular hardness well pressed against my lower belly, and there was absolutely no sort of barrier between our skins. He was naked too. Second, the light of the sun shining through the thin curtains felt different over us. Colder, but also bluer.

“Loki, when you say this is your bedroom… We’re not in the tower, are we?” By now, I think he had finally started to see that I was on the verge of a panic attack. Immediately, he let go of my waist, separating himself from me just enough so he could hold my face.

“Of course not, my dove. We’re on Asgard. Why are you acting like this? Isn’t this what you wanted?” My head was throbbing by then, as was another part of me that I was trying very hard to ignore. Now wasn’t the time to feel horny, no matter how attracted to Loki I’d been before… before he kidnapped me. Because this was what had happened. And it was wrong.

“Loki, when you say this is your bedroom… We’re not in the tower, are we?” By now, I think he had finally started to see that I was on the verge of a panic attack. Immediately, he let go of my waist, separating himself from me just enough so he could hold my face.

“Of course not, my dove. We’re on Asgard. Why are you acting like this? Isn’t this what you wanted?” My head was throbbing by then, as was another part of me that I was trying very hard to ignore. Now wasn’t the time to feel horny, no matter how attracted to Loki I’d been before… before he kidnapped me. Because this was what had happened. And it was wrong.

Very carefully, I pushed him away from me so I could sit up, mindful of the fact that I shouldn’t startle him or even make it clear that I was scared of him in any way. It wouldn’t serve my purpose and it might as well only offend or irritate him.

Besides, I wasn’t even sure I was scared of him, exactly. Was I confused? 100%. But if there was one thing that was clear here was that there was some sort of mishap going on. I was more afraid of the situation as a whole than of Loki himself. He just… he seemed so vulnerable. As was I, naked as the day I was born, in his bed in Asgard.

The reality of the situation suddenly dwelled upon me. I was trying to find reasons for what was going on because it was hard to suddenly change how I felt about the man I liked, but the truth was, I hardly knew him at all. And everyone did try to warn me against him. 

Perhaps they were right. At least, things weren’t looking so great to me right now, and Loki was the only one to blame. Thankfully, he allowed me to sit up on the bed, but as soon as I was able to locate something to cover me with, he ripped it from my arms, making me jump.

“What is going on here, dove? I thought this was what you wanted. You told everyone you were going away, so we could finally be here, together.” A sudden surge of panic took over me. He really was bonkers. I tried my hardest not to show it in my face, but the second a frown took over his beautiful features, I knew I was screwed. “Why did your heart speed up? You’re starting to make me very confused, my dear…” 

I opened my mouth a few times, racking my brain, trying to figure out a way to make it out of here. But I wasn’t fast enough. Loki seemed to have had enough of my behavior, and he pulled on my wrist so I’d lay down on the bed again, this time forcing my legs open so he could kneel between them, hovering over me.

“Despite what kind of egocentric personality people tend to associate with me, I don’t like to talk with myself, my sweet…” He held my jaw, making me look him in the eye. “So tell me, just what is going on?” I bit my tongue so nothing would come out. There was nothing I could honestly say that would make him happy. It was better to remain silent.

Of course, my silence already told him everything he needed to know. When Loki clicked his tongue, the sound resonated across the room, making me flinch despite my best wishes. “I see…” Was all he spoke, his eyes leaving mine to wander down, down, until they found that place I had unwillingly exposed to him and was trying very hard to ignore in the moment. 

I knew what he would find when he turned his attention there. That’s why when he humorlessly chuckled, it didn’t surprise me at all, as it didn’t surprise me when two of his fingers lightly ran over my pussy lips, collecting some of the wetness that had gathered there. 

“So I must be imagining this too, right?” I shivered when he moaned at my taste, his pink lips perfectly wrapped around the digits that had touched me.

Loki’s P.O.V.

“Just like I imagined the stolen glances, the little smiles… The way you talked to me. It was all a figment of my imagination, wasn’t it, darling?” She bit his lip at my words, guiltily avoiding my eyes as I raised my eyebrows. “Thought so. Well, if this is all in my head, I guess it doesn’t do any harm to take advantage of it, don’t you think?”

When her eyes widened as she processed my words, I waved my hand so hers would be restrained over her head in green silk just before she tried to sit up again. The image was everything I had dreamed of and more, and I couldn’t help but to purr, slowly running my hands over her delicious thighs. 

“Relax, my dove… If you’re lucky, you might wake up to find out you’re still in the tower and this was nothing but a nightmare. But right now, you’re stuck in my dream, and I’m making the most out of it.” I delved into her waiting heat with unrestrained hunger. Just that teasing taste I had tried was nowhere near enough, I wanted to soak in her essence, bathe in it. When I was done with her, my sheets should be ruined by her wetness.

However, the more I licked on her little clit, slurping on her juices, the more I realized that I would never be done with her. How could I? Not when she tasted better than any royal feast I’d ever partaken in. Not when the little moans she tried so hard to suppress were igniting my flame, making me burn even brighter for her. 

I wanted her forever. And not even herself will stand in my way of achieving that.

“Your taste is magnificent, my darling,” I moaned against her lower lips, the vibrations provoking a response strangled moan from her. Smirking, I sucked on her clit a little bit more before teasing her. “I’m sorry you’re not enjoying this, my sweet. If only you were feeling at least some of the pleasure I am from eating this delicious pussy.”

Just my words were enough to make her moan again. She wanted this, that much I knew to be true. It might not be in the way she expected it to happen, but now that it was, there wasn’t anything much she could do except to take what I was offering her. 

The more I licked at her pussy, the more she offered me, granting me pride like nothing else. When her thighs started to quiver around me, I knew it was only a matter of seconds until she flooded my lips with more of her essence.

“Come on then, dove. No point in pretending anymore. Come for me, fill my mouth with your cream.” With a hoarse scream that tore its way from her throat, she did just so, and I happily drank all that she had to offer before deciding to let her taste herself at least a little bit. “Here, darling. See why you make me crazy?” She instinctively opened her lips a little bit when my fingers approached, dripping with her essence, but I forced them to completely accept my intrusion, pushing my digits as far as they could go inside her wet mouth, hearing her gag around them. “I can’t wait to hear that again, but it’ll sound so much better when you’re choking around my cock, my sweet.”

She opened her eyes at that, obviously intending on saying something back, but I only pushed them further down her throat before I brought my other hand in between her legs.

Y/N’s P.O.V.

I wanted to fight back, I wanted to shout and thrash around, but more than anything, I wanted more of what he had to offer. And I hated myself for it. God, what was wrong with me? Loki was abusing me, taking advantage of me and I had never been wetter in my life. Still, I knew I had to keep trying to break free. I needed to show him he couldn’t do this to me.

The second one of his long fingers penetrated me, my body fell slack against the bed. I couldn’t keep fighting it, I needed him and I needed him right then. “Please, please…” I started to moan, and that picked up his interest because he separated himself from my clit just enough to raise an eyebrow at me.

“Please? Already begging, my dove? Can you imagine how you’ll be by the time I’m done with you?” The second he finished his question, he started to furiously fuck me with that single finger, creating just enough friction to get me on the edge of orgasm again, but not enough to make me cum.

“Loki…” I whispered, desperate for more of something, anything, really. By then, my body was completely covered by a light sheen of sweat. I should be feeling dirty, especially since I was relenting to sexual activities I didn’t really accept to partake in, but all I felt was arousal, desire, need.

He hummed around me, still relentlessly sucking on my clit. “I think it’s time you call me something else, darling.” Trembling, I struggled to wrap my mind around what he was saying. All the while, his finger kept moving, in and out, in and out, making me frustrated beyond belief.

“W-what do you want me t-to call you?” He pretended to think for a moment, his lips still trapping my nub between them.

“Sir,” was his answer, and just then he forced another finger inside of me, prompting a second orgasm that made me scream. “Thank me for your pleasure, my sweet, c’mon. Thank your master.”

“T-thank you, sir,” I obediently acknowledged as soon as I was able to speak again. He blinded me with the most predatory smile I’d ever seen, crawling his way up my body until he could pull me by the back of my neck, forcing me to accept his tongue this time.

“See, my sweet? I can be so nice to you if you continue being a good girl for me. Why can’t you accept this? My claim on your body?” As much as I wanted to provide some sort of answer, any answer, it was hard to even think straight as he pressed the head of his cock against my overstimulated clit. 

“N-no, no,” I tried to warn him away, feeling too sensitive to have him touch me another time, but that only served to change the tide of his mood against me yet again.

“What is this, my dove? Already misbehaving again?” Tsking, he held my hips forcefully, surely leaving bruises behind. “I thought you were smarter than this, but I guess you’ll still need some time to understand, huh? This cunt, my beloved…” He cupped my sensitive pussy while speaking. “... belongs to me.”

And with that, he pushed his cock completely inside of me, making me writhe for air as I struggled to accept the invasion. He was so long, I could feel him in my stomach, and as he didn’t allow me any time to adjust to his length.

I choked once again, in my desperate need to find air, and while I felt like I was drowning, I could hear Loki’s melodic laugh in my ears. “Do you feel me, my sweet? Possessing you from the inside? Look how deep I am inside of you. You’ll never want to be empty again. You’ll beg for my cock over and over and over again. And I’ll give it to you, over and over and over still.”

Opening my eyes to watch the thrusts he coordinated with each of his words, I found his green hues fixated on my lower abdomen. I checked to see what I already knew - each of his thrusts in created a bulge on the spot, showing just how true his sentences were. My pussy lips gripped him each time he pulled out to leave only the tip in, desperate to have him inside of me again. 

My own transfixed observation was cut short by an uncharacteristically rough grunt from the man so determined to own me. My head flew up just as his fingers collected some of the excessive moisture seeping from inside me, already dampening the bed as he fucked me, and used them to ruthlessly play with my clit.

“Now, dove, it’s time for you to cum again. I can’t control myself much longer, I need to cum inside this pretty little pussy soon.” The words sparked something inside of me, suddenly remembering yet another reason why I shouldn’t be doing this, not like this.

“L-Loki,” I tried to warn, my legs cramping as I struggled yet again to get him off of me, but to no use. The only acknowledgment I received was a slap to my pussy, a punishment that my mind immediately processed while my body convulsed as I cum around him. “Sir!” I screamed, just as he doubled his effort to fuck me silly, taking advantage of the fact that I could no longer take control of my body.

His brows were dipped in concentration when I came to my senses, a single drop of sweat even running from his hairline to his beautiful nose. “Sir…” I tried again, my voice raspy beyond the point of recognition. “Please, I-I don’t have any… If you cum inside of me, I-I’ll…” The knowing smirk that appeared on Loki’s lips only served to worry me further.

“Shhh…” He tried to calm me down, his eyes still connected to where we were both joined, to where he had forced me to accept him. Each brutal snap of his hips against mine made me instinctively flinch away from him, but he only impaled me back on his cock with much more roughness.

Loki’s P.O.V.

I was hypnotized by the image of her petal lips engulfing my hardness, sucking me in, begging me to empty myself inside of her. And I would, oh how I would. I’d make sure that if she were to ever leave my bed again, it would be with a part of me forever in her. She’d never again remember how it felt to live without bearing my child.

“I know, my dove…” I assured her, raising a hand to cover her lips when it became clear that she was going to start screaming again. “Don’t worry, I can smell how fertile you are. There is no way I won’t get you pregnant tonight. And if after that you still want to leave… Then I might just have to lock you up in this room, but one thing I’ll make sure of is that you’ll keep on giving me kids, one after the other.”

All we could hear around the room were the filthy wet sounds of my cock driving into her dripping pussy, and the grunts I couldn’t hold in anymore. Yes, I was close to bursting and perhaps there truly was something evil in me, because it was the way she struggled against me and the look of panic in her beautiful face that made me finally tip over the edge I’d been dying to ride ever since we met. 

White light took over my sight as I slowed my movements, making sure she received every single drop of cum my cock was desperate to give her. When I opened my eyes again, it was to notice that she had at last given up on her pointless fight, and there were tears soaking the hand I was still covering her mouth with.

“Now, now, darling…” I cooed, slowly taking off my palm and using it to clean her face of the wet tracks on her cheeks. “There’s no reason to be sad. This is such a joyous occasion, the conception of our first child.” My words brought a new wave of tears to her eyes, prompting me to scoop her up and cradle her in my chest. “And you know what?” I whispered in her ear, keeping her tightly pressed up against me when she struggled to push me away. “I promise I’ll give you this same amount of pleasure every night. For the rest of our lives.”

You can read the follow-up I wrote for this fic here!

[axwalker]

Bad Timing: Only For Tonight

Book: The Royal Romance (AU)

Pairing: Drake Walker x Alexis O’Brien (MC)

Synopsis: Alexis O’Brien is escaping a terrible past. After months of running  she settles  in Cordonia where she meets Drake at the bar where she works and they spend a passionate night together.

What happens when a one-night-stand turns into unexpected parenthood?

This chapter: Drake and Alexis spend the night together. What happens after? 

MASTERLIST HERE

WORDS: 1998

POV: Dual

TRIGGER WARNINGS:  Explicit Sex 🍋🍋🍋. Mentions of domestic violence.

ALL MY FICS ARE +18

A/N: I apologize for any grammatical errors.

I’m participating in the Wacky Drables prompts  

This is Prompt #87: No offense, but I'm not interested (Bold)

@wackydrabbles​

Thank you to @burnsoslow​ for beta reading! I love you ❤️❤️

Please if you want to be added or removed from the tag-list, do not hesitate to ask.

@mskaneko​ @burnsoslow​ @texaskitten30​ @glaimtruelovealways​ @kingliam2019​ @kat-tia801​ @no-one-u-know​ @marshmallowsandfire​ @marshmallowsaremyfavorite​ @princessleac1​ @rubiwalker​ @lovingchoices14​ @randomstuffdorme​ @artisticgirl44 @bebepac​ @tinkie1973​ @gkittylove99​ @moneyfordiamonds​ @forallthatitsworth​ @mom2000aggie​ @twinkle-320​ @nomadics-stuff​ @thegreentwin​ @twinkleallnight​

ALEXIS

"Tell me what you want, and I'll give it to you," Drake whispers in my ear.

"I want you, Drake."

"I should probably warn you," he says to me, placing feather kisses down my jaw, his stubble grazing my skin, "that I can be very bossy."

His baritone voice sends a shiver through my body.

"Don't worry about me, Walker. I can take it."

Drake smirks, and I yelp when he scoops me up into his arms and carries me inside his apartment. He sits me on the couch and suddenly drops to his knees, his hands running up my bare legs and parting them. He looks up at me as his thumbs slide over my inner thighs, brushing over the delicate skin, pushing my dress up higher and higher. His expression is wild with desire. I raise my hips slightly as he pushes the dress up, so it's bunched around my waist, and he slowly runs his finger over the top of my underwear, from the waistband all the way over the mound and down between my legs.

"I've wondered all night what you taste like," he murmurs, sliding his finger back up, pressing in at my clit. His hands firmly grip my hips; He lowers his head, pulls me toward his face, and I feel his wet mouth pressing against me, the thin barrier of my panties muffling the sensation just enough to drive me wild. I suck in my breath, my fingers going into his hair, while he runs his tongue over my clit, the pressure causing me to jerk my hips toward him.

"I've had enough teasing," he says, the vibrations spreading through me.

He pulls his face back for just a moment, long enough to slide my underwear down over my thighs until they're off me, then he's pushing my legs wide again, his mouth going in for the kill. Every worry, every horrible memory inside me gets lost with the wet sweep of his tongue. My mouth falls open. My God. He knows what he's doing. My thighs are already trembling. His mouth is so warm, so strong. He kisses me there like he kisses my lips, soft and gentle, then quick and wild, sliding up around my clit, then down inside me with a grunt. I can't contain my cry. It tears out of me, driven by the need for him to be deeper.

"You have no idea how beautiful you look right now," he whispers into me.

I'm exploding, wet, warm, pure fucking bliss. My hips jerk into his mouth as I spasm, my thighs gripping the side of his face, his stubble so beautifully rough.

He stands up and takes off his shirt; my mouth waters, and he kicks off his shoes, bends down to take off his socks. Takes a step toward me. My eyes follow his hands as they undo his belt and then the zipper of his jeans. And then his jeans and boxer briefs drop to his ankles. Holy fuck, he's hot. Ripped and manly. Huge. I've never been with someone like him.

With trembling fingers, I take off my dress and bra as he inspects every square inch of my body, making me feel incredibly vulnerable.

"Jesus." He steps forward and trails his fingers up and down my bare arms. "You're so fucking gorgeous," he says, kissing my shoulders, my breasts.

He pushes a book off of the couch and then turns me around, placing his hand between my shoulders and shoving me down, so I'm on the couch on my knees.

"Hands up, against the wall," he says from behind me, his voice extra rough, almost feral. I've never been so excited before. I put my hands up so they're pressing against the wall, just as his hand curls around the small of my waist. His touch is electric, especially over my hyper-sensitive skin.

"Spread your legs for me, beautiful," he groans, and I hear his teeth opening the condom wrapper.

"I'll fuck you for hours," he murmurs, mouth now at my ear. His voice is rough with need. "I'll make you come over and over until you can't walk, can't talk, can't see anything but stars. But right now, I need to come inside you. And I'm going to do it fast and hard. Get that, Lexie?"

I nod, trying to swallow.  

"Good girl," he says, straightening up. He caresses my ass and slams himself into me. All the air is pushed from my lungs, and I bend a little more, trying to accommodate his size. His cock is in so deep I'm not sure where I end, and he begins. Then he starts working me, his fingers pressing so hard into my side that I think he's leaving bruises, holding me steady as he fucks me hard. There isn't anything in the world but this. He grinds into me, over and over, his hips jerking against my skin. His frantic thrusting is measured, his hips circling just enough to slide against every part of me—faster, harder, deeper.

"Fuck. Fuck, Lexie. This is ..." He doesn't finish his sentence. His grip tightens around my waist. I feel him everywhere, like he's filling me up in every way.

"So wet … so tight, baby." Just then, his cock hits the right spot until I catch fire and burn inside out. I've never felt this before. This pleasure, this passion.

"Right there. Don't stop!"

"Not even close to stopping," he grunts. He thrusts even deeper, watching my back arch into him with overwhelming pleasure.

It's a curious thing to have a one-night stand with a stranger. You've known each other for only a few hours, and then you decide to share something that leaves you so vulnerable. When I turn my neck and stare into Drake's deliciously wicked deep-brown eyes, there's a sort of freedom I've never enjoyed in bed before. He makes me feel safe and powerful.  

Then as he starts to tense, his breath becoming hoarse, a drop of sweat falling from his face and onto my neck, he slides his hand over the front of my skirt and below, finding my clit. A rub from his thumb is all I need to come, and it's not just the intensity of the orgasm that rips through me, causing my body to spasm and shake. It's the intensity of us. Of Drake, as he groans into my shoulder with one final thrust, his cock twitching.

Several positions and many orgasms later, we fall together into his bed, exhausted. True to his word, Drake took his time with me after the first time. Going slow, kissing every inch of my skin.

He gets up from the bed to throw away our last condom; I contemplate leaving. I don't know how to behave, it's the first time I’ve had a one-night stand, and I don't want to act clingy or emotional.  

"How are you feeling, Lex?" he murmurs when he comes back before he kisses me, long, deep and sweet. And just like that, every worry I have is gone. I melt into his touch, into his arms, and I never want him to let me go.

Which is a fucking problem because I can't stay.

He scoops me against his chest, wrapping his strong arms around me. He peppers kisses all over my shoulders, my neck, my back. I let my eyes drift closed just for a second and fall asleep.  

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Warmth engulfs me, every inch of my body is warm, and I nuzzle into the pillow deeper, wanting to stay like this forever. It's been a long time since I've had a decent night's sleep in a comfortable bed. However, as soon as I notice the room's complete darkness, my eyes pop open, and I start to panic, trying to remember where I am and how I got here.

There's a weight over me, and I feel suffocated. I force myself to take a deep breath, and I realize that I'm safe. I'm in Cordonia, thousands of miles away from him. Slowly, yesterday's events come back to my mind, and I realize my head isn't lying on a pillow but a firm, ripped chest. I glance up at the sleeping man I shared last night with and take in his harsh but beautiful features.

Drake's sleeping peacefully. His arm is still around my waist, holding me almost protectively. For a second, my heart flutters, and I allow myself to dream. What if I had met Drake instead of Matt? Even after only one night, I can tell what kind of man Drake is -- manly, confident, protective. I feel safe, cherished. But it can't be. Not now, or ever.

Gently, I untangle myself from Drake's arms. I gather up my dress and shoes and creep toward the living room. I order an Uber, and three minutes later, my phone pings with a notification that the Uber is here just as I reach the front door. I quietly open it, tiptoe out, and glance back at the house.

A deep sorrow overcomes me because I know that I will never be the same again after tonight.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

DRAKE

It's been three days since I last saw Alexis. I figured I'd feel differently in a few days. I'd forget the sweet taste of her lips, her delicate cherry scent, the sound of her laugh on my ears. Never did I think I'd still be replaying our conversations, jerking off every night to the vision of her body moving against mine. Fuck. Me.

Finally, I decide to go to the bar where we met. Despite the way she left --in the middle of the night without saying goodbye-- I don't want to ignore the crazy chemistry between us. I'm not an arrogant jerk; I know when a woman comes undone in my arms. And the way Lexie responded to me? It was fucking explosive.

"Why are we here? Li's dinner is tonight," Leo protests. I picked him up at his loft after work so we could go to Li's place together. In hindsight, he wasn't the best person to bring along with me, but I had to come to the bar tonight. I just need to see her. "Do you know how many women will be there? It's going to be a buffet, man." Leo insists as I park in front of the bar. I get out of the Jeep as fast as I can, so he doesn't follow me, but, of course, the fucker comes after me.

We walk into the bar, and it's as deserted as it was on Monday. The woman behind the counter smiles at us when we approach.

"Hi, guys! I'm Daisy. What can I do for you tonight?"

Leo winks at her. "I have a couple of things in mind, sweetheart."

I stare at him, and he shuts up. "I'm looking for someone who works here. Alexis Ortiz, she's a bartender."

She smiles at me. "Alexis quit this morning."

"Did she leave an address or a phone number?"

My heart sinks when the blond shakes her head. "She was kind of weird. She kept to herself." She looks at me and smiles again. "I'm free in an hour, though."

I don't want to be rude, but there's only one woman I want. "No offense, but I'm not interested."

I'm cut short by Leo, who grins at her. "You're embarrassing me, Walker." He gives her the same smile I've seen him give to a hundred women before her. "I'm Leo, sweetheart, and we're not free tonight, but I'll be happy to come by any other night."

She's grinning at Leo now, a flirty expression on her face. She sure moved on fast. I clear my throat. "Here's my card; if Alexis comes back, can you give it to her?"

She takes it. "Sure, no problem, but I don't think she will. She told Daniel she was leaving Cordonia and she wasn't coming back."

[wouldduskwood]

Jake's POV 18+ Descendants of Despair Part 5

Contains Smut not suitable for those under 18. Read up to part 52 to know what happens prior to this.

Entering the room, I set about checking my laptop to ensure our safety. I didn't like not having my full set up but one night of comfort was very much in need right now. I checked for any odd notifications. and as I worked, she had a quick look around and then went through to the small bathroom and switched the shower on. Once I knew we were in no immediate danger, I locked the door and closed the curtains, switching a lamp on as I did, trying to create some level of ambiance and privacy. As the steam started fogging the bathroom, I opened the door and watched her in her glorious, naked beauty. She hadn't noticed me arrive which was either a good thing, in that she was so accustomed to my presence, or a bad thing if she was so stressed she didn't notice me. She was about to hop in when I appeared behind her, wrapping an arm around her waist and kissing her neck.

“You weren’t going to start without me, were you?” I whispered in her ear. She relaxed against me with a sigh, her body feeling heavy.

“Hey now, it’s okay. I’m here. We will get through this,” I murmured, noticing her tension and turning her to face me, my thumb resting under her chin forcing her eyes to mine. I wanted her to see how sincere I was.

“Just, stay with me?” she asked quietly. I nodded and pressed my lips softly against hers, then stepped back and pulled my hoodie off in one smooth motion. My pants quickly followed and I took her hand and led her into the shower cubicle, shutting the door behind us. As the water fell onto her, it made her hair into a wild mane and her skin shone so beautifully.

“You know, you are so incredibly beautiful,” I murmured, absolutely smitten with her as my hand traced down her cheek and jaw, moving her hair away as I did. She ran her hands over my chest and down my abdomen. Her loving caress made me shiver as her fingers teased my naked flesh. My fingers brushed lightly against her supple lips, causing her to part them at my touch. As my fingers moved to her cheek, I bent down towards her and replaced them with my lips, keeping them soft and light. My tongue moved between her already parted lips, which she accepted and greeted with her tongue. I was quickly spiraling into an intensely loving need for her. She pressed herself closer to me, moving her arms so they were behind my neck. This type of need was so different to me. Where our last time had been passionate, burning and lustful...this time it was vulnerability, softness and genuine displays of love and affection that I'd never had before. I marveled at how enjoyable it was, in an entirely different way that the enjoyment had been last time but no less because of that.

We allowed the water to pour over us as we embraced and kissed. I was getting so lost in just being with her. She drew into me, further as she appeared to melt into the gentle caress of my fingers and lips. As she pressed her hips closer to mine, I was suddenly very aware of just how much I was enjoying her touch. My cock was already straining to be touched. I paused and moved my lips away from hers, causing her to moan weakly in response. To my pleasure, she tried to push herself closer to me once more. “The water is running cool. It won’t be long before it is freezing cold. Let’s make use of the other facilities this room has to offer instead?” I murmured quietly, chuckling at her response. Though I so wanted to stay locked in her embrace, I didn't want her getting sick. “Okay,” she pouted in such a cute way that I had to chuckle quietly again as I switched off the shower and hopped out. Before she could follow, I unfolded a towel and had it ready to greet her. As she emerged, I caught her in the towel, grinning as I held her to me. Standing in my arms with her own pinned by the towel, she struggled to kiss me once more. I relented and met her lips softly once more before letting her go to dry off.

Once we were both semi dry, I led her out to the main part of our room. Smiling, I placed an arm around her back then used my other arm to grab her knees, lifting her into a cradle carry. I looked her in the eyes as I carried her to the bed and laid her gently on top. Lying beside her, I turned to face her and kissed her gently once more. She was still uneasy and seemed flighty. “What will make you forget all the bad things?” I asked, my voice soft and low in an attempt to soothe her. “Touch me,” she pleaded. “I feel wired and my skin feels like it is crawling.” Her admission was another step in the right direction for us, and also meant I was getting good at noticing her needs. I smiled and brushed my lips against hers once again. “It would be my absolute pleasure,” I murmured with meaning, my lips still close enough that they brushed hers with every word he said. The gentle pressure on my lips was strangely intoxicating, sending pleasure signals through my body.

She lay back against the pillow, moving an arm over her eyes. I moved slowly, kissing from her lips, over her chin and down her neck. My fingers caressed her abdomen, causing her to squirm. I began caressing her skin with my lips and my breath, moving over her breasts and down her abdomen then back up again, avoiding her nipples. With every touch, she gasped, which fascinated me. As I kissed my way up her body once more, I breathed onto one of her nipples then, teasingly, let my tongue trace around it, causing her to writhe and moan in anticipation. I lifted my head and smiled at her before kissing around and over her nipples then back down her body and alternating between each thigh. There was so much joy in driving her wild with desire.

As my kisses reached her knees I began kissing back up her inner thighs until my breath was close enough to her pussy that she could feel it. This very action had her bucking her hips in a mixture of pleasure and frustration. Her absolute desire seemed to have taken away the discomfort she had felt earlier. Now she was entirely focused on pleasure. “Jake,” she breathed as I kissed her pussy with the gentlest pressure, then lifted my head and grinned smugly at her once more. I loved hearing her pleas.

She groaned and grabbed my hair with her hands, pulling at it lightly. This new sensation was insanely erotic and had me moaning in response. I couldn't stop myself, as I buried my face into her wet pussy. As the pressure of my mouth intensified, an orgasm that must have been slowly building reached a peak and slowly rolled through her whole body, causing her to arch her back and press her hips closer to my mouth. I moaned once again. As her pussy contracted around my mouth, I began greedily lapping at her juices. Finally, as her orgasm slowly eased, my licking slowed and I returned to gentle and loving kisses once more.

As my lips trailed back up her body, I pressed myself against her. My cock was stiff against her leg. “Please..” she begged.

“Yes?” I murmured quietly and joyfully.

“Please take me,” she pleaded.

I didn’t need to be asked twice as I pressed myself closer to her body, my cock resting against the entrance to her pussy. I thrust in slowly, enjoying the sensation of her pussy clasping around me and her hips bucking to meet mine. I moved slowly, pressing deep into her, my body remaining close and my eyes remaining locked on mine. With each heavy and slow thrust, the pleasure was building so slowly it was overwhelming. My mouth met hers then nibbled at her chin as I continued to massage her pussy with my cock. It was a fascinating mixture of intense pleasure and joy as I denied myself an easy release. Finally, I couldn't hold back any longer and I pulled my head back and thrust deeper and quicker, releasing my load inside her as she came around my cock. The pressure and tightness of her contracting pussy around my orgasming cock was almost overbearing. As I finished, I chuckled quietly to myself. “I’m strangely out of breath,” I snickered and collapsed into her arms, kissing her joyfully.

As I lay close to her, I was shocked in myself. For so long I had been just the hacker. The hacker that took whatever I wanted when I wanted it. I loved that I could be that self with her and she still loved and trusted me, but even more than that I loved that I could be gentle, deny myself instant gratification so we could share it together. She was making me...for lack of better words...human again. Completely and utterly her human...but human none the less.

Part 53

[torikengel]

Thomas Hewitt x Reader (Part 13)

Few hours passed, and everyone in the family was agitated. The atmosphere was grim as nobody knew what to expect. The boy definitely called for help, which meant someone would discover your whereabouts sooner rather than later. You were puzzled about your situation, as you finally admitted your feelings to yourself. You loved this man in a way, and you were determined to help him when he would need you… By killing for him, you gave up your past life, and now your future was dim as well.

If they found you… maybe they would assume you weren’t in the right mental state to control yourself and that you were forced by this family to participate in the killing to survive yourself… but what would happen to Thomas? To Luda? You didn’t want anything bad happening to them. For safety measures, you decided to get Thomas to your room upstairs. Hoyt and Luda both helped you as Thomas could barely walk. He was incredibly lucky that the guy didn’t hit the artery in his thigh, or he would’ve bled out.

You sat on the bed next to Thomas and looked at his tired face.

“Tommy…” you whispered as you held his hand and smiled at him.

He was on the verge of crying… not because of all the pain. Because he felt loved without prejudice for the first time in his life and despite the circumstances, he was genuinely happy. Your presence made him forget how cruel life could be. Everything he went through was worth it if it led to meeting you. You could see how lost in his thoughts he was.

“What are you thinking about, Tommy?” you asked curiously. He just kept staring at you.

“Me…” you wondered.

Thomas nodded, happy that you got it. He was sad that he couldn’t talk with you normally. There was so much he wanted to tell you, ask you… he wanted to get to know you better. He just knew your name, your kind heart, but he never got the chance to learn more about your past life, your family, your hobbies. But maybe it was for the better as he was already feeling guilty for the way you two met and how you were forced to stay with him. Thomas frowned and looked away. He didn’t like to think of you as a victim. He wanted you to be part of the family.

“What’s wrong?” you were worried that he was feeling worse.

Thomas closed his eyes and sighed. When he opened his eyes again, his gaze shifted towards the cuff, making it impossible for you to leave this room the first few days.

“Oh, that…” you immediately understood what was going through his mind. It was true, his family did indeed kidnap you and planned to kill you.

“You know Thomas, I admit, I wasn’t happy about my situation and that I had to be locked up here. But it wasn’t your fault… you were always nice to me.” You explained your feelings to him.

Thomas wasn’t pleased with your answer, and you could tell.

“Okay… well…” you mumbled, trying to find the right words. “It’s fate.” You finally let out. Thomas questioningly raised his eyebrow.

“It was predestined for us to meet this way.” You explained. “Me going on a road trip with people that didn’t even like me that much, getting into that accident, me waking up in the basement alive. Wait, that’s true, why you took care of Chloe first?” your train of thoughts was finally interrupted by a realization that Thomas could’ve killed you before you had a chance to wake up. Thomas really wanted to explain himself. He liked the thought of it all being fate.

“Hmmm…” you looked around the room and then reached for a pen and paper from your suitcase. Thomas was eager to take it from you and began writing. After a few minutes, he handed the paper to you. It was very hard to read, and there were many mistakes, but you could make it out.

“My ma told me you were nice, so I should kill you quickly and painlessly. I couldn’t bring myself to. You were pretty and looked so innocent, hard to butcher. Another girl was screamin at me, said I am ugly monster. I wanted you to do the same when you wake up to make my job easier…” Thomas was clearly embarrassed by his messy writing and poor grammar, but you thought it was adorable. You looked back at Thomas and leaned towards him with a smile.

“See, all fate.” You whispered and gave him a soft kiss, but he held you close and began kissing you back. When your lips parted as you needed air, Thomas pulled you closer to him. You snuggled on his side, careful not to touch any of the wounds.

“Do you want to know something about me?” you asked when you realized that you knew a lot about Thomas’s life while he didn’t know anything about yours. Thomas happily nodded, as he didn’t feel so guilty for now, because he was content with all being destiny. You started rambling about your past, what you did for work, and what hobbies you had in your free time. Thomas carefully listened, trying to remember every single word. He loved hearing you talk about yourself.

*

You spent hours in bed, just talking, well you were the one talking. Thomas occasionally wrote something to respond. The danger of being discovered by the police fading from your mind as you enjoyed each other’s company. After you were done talking because you basically told him everything, Thomas wrote: “I am sorry.” He knew that as long as Hoyt is here, you won’t be able to see your family. It was hard for Thomas to defy any member of his family because he was taught to obey everyone his whole life.

“It’s okay, Tommy…” you assured him that you didn’t mind, at least for now. You hoped that after being here long enough and proving yourself even more trustworthy, you would be able to return to your past life… maybe take Thomas with you. You heard footsteps, and then Luda stepped into the room with bandages.

“It’s time to clean ya up, m’boy.” She announced.

“I can do it.” You offered your help as you got up from the bed. Luda glanced over at Thomas only to see the nod of approval and handed the bandages over to you along with disinfection.

“I got it in the shop today.” She explained.

“Thank you, Luda.” You gave her a warm smile.

“I’ll bring dinner upstairs for you in a minute.” She said as she disappeared in the hallway and went back to the kitchen. You turned to Thomas, who tried to sit up. “I’ll be gentle, but please let me know if it hurts.” You said and shifted your attention to his wounded shoulder first, as it was easiest to reach. Thomas hissed in pain.

“Sorry, sorry.” You panicked a bit as you disinfected the gash, but Thomas looked you in the eyes and caressed your cheek. This man… big and dangerous was so gentle and vulnerable in front of you. Your heart fluttered every time he touched you.

“You are so brave, Tommy.” You admired his strength. Both emotional and physical. “You know, it’s imposing.”

Thomas was confused. What did you mean by that?

You giggled and then explained: “Everything you went through, Luda told me. I think you are amazing, despite everything people did to you; still, you have such a kind heart.” Thomas completely melted. He didn’t understand how someone so perfect could give him honest compliments. Thomas was still very self-conscious. As you tenderly tended to his other wounds, you saw the already healed scars on his body—some on his torso, a lot of them on his arms. Your expression saddened at sight, and Thomas noticed. There were some bigger scars, you knew that those were probably from the victims, but there were also ones with a certain pattern. You ran your fingers across them. Thomas flinched as he wasn’t used to someone touching him, especially his scars. It was his secret, his bad habit.

“You did that?” you asked with glassy eyes, even though you knew the answer. Thomas nodded and looked away in embarrassment.

“I’ll make sure you never have a reason to do that ever again, Tommy. I will always be here for you.” You grabbed his hand and gently kissed each and every scar.

Thomas’s eyes widened; he was stunned. He expected you to condemn him or mock his weakness, but your reaction was something else. Again. You were so special, different from anyone else. You loved him for him. Thomas wrapped his arms around you and embraced you in a tight hug. He hid his face, and tears streamed down his cheeks. All the pent-up pain in him, leaving his body as you ran your fingers through his hair and kissed his neck.

A/N: New chapter in 2 days <3 Tomorrow I will post the short story for Hilliker brothers from the Wrong Turn series and some of the Art RQs I got. 

And I am still taking requests, both Art and Writing ones.