#fixing soft 404

[infoanalysishub]

How HTTP Status Codes & DNS Errors Impact Google Search

Learn how HTTP status codes, network failures, and DNS errors affect Google Search indexing and crawling. Fix soft 404s, 5xx issues, and debug DNS problems. How HTTP Status Codes, Network, and DNS Errors Affect Google Search Google Search relies on efficient and accurate crawling of web content to provide the most relevant results to users. This crawling process is governed by how websites…

[pukefactory]

Astro x reader…listener x yapper

He’s all snuggled up in his blanket while they talk about their day. They’re his favourite white noise 💙

──✩₊⁺⋆ SLEEP ALARM ⋆⁺₊✧──

⏾⋆.˚ Summary: You Lull Astro Into A Peaceful Sleep By Rambling To Him

⏾⋆.˚ Character(s): Astro Novalite (Dandy’s World)

⏾⋆.˚ Reader pronouns: Not Specified

⏾⋆.˚ Genre: Short Story, SFW, Fluff

⏾⋆.˚ Word Count: 404

⏾⋆.˚ Warning(s): None - Completely Safe!

⏾⋆.˚ Image Credits: @mellosno1fan

The world within Gardenview had quieted, and within the dim glow of Astro’s room, everything felt still. He was nestled deep within his blanket, its familiar weight wrapped snugly around him, shielding him from the remnants of the day’s noise. His nightcap draped over the pillow, swaying slightly with his steady breathing. And beside him, as always, was you.

“…And then Finn tripped—again—right into a stack of crates. I swear, he needs to watch where he’s going, but no, he insists he’s ‘got it handled’ every time.”

Astro hummed softly, his gaze fixed somewhere past the ceiling, lost in the rhythm of your voice. His eyes were half-lidded, his glow a soft, steady pulse.

You continued, undeterred by his silence. “And don’t even get me started on Looey. He spent the entire afternoon trying to juggle while standing on one foot. It went about as well as you’d expect.” You laughed at the memory, shaking your head. “Honestly, I don’t know how I put up with all of you.”

A slow, deep exhale. “Mmm.”

His agreement, if it could even be called that, barely registered as speech. But you didn’t mind. You knew Astro—he was listening, even if he didn’t always respond. That was just his way. He soaked in words like a sponge, absorbing them without needing to contribute much in return. Your chatter was his lullaby, a steady stream of warmth in the otherwise quiet void of his mind.

“I like hearing you talk…”

The words were soft, barely above a whisper, but they carried the weight of sincerity. You paused for a second, caught off guard, before smiling. “Oh? Didn’t think you as the type to enjoy rambling.”

He shifted slightly, pressing further into his blanket, as if trying to disappear into it entirely. “Not noise,” he murmured. “White noise.”

Your heart clenched at that. He wasn’t saying he tolerated your talking—he was saying he liked it. That it soothed him, in the way rain against a window did, or the way the gentle hum of the universe filled the silence of space. It made him feel safe.

You reached over, brushing a few strands of his hair aside. “Well, I guess I’ll have to keep talking then, huh?”

A slow blink, another quiet hum of agreement. Then, softer still: “Good night…”

Your voice carried on, weaving through the quiet as Astro drifted off, his favorite sound lulling him into dreams.

[luigisleftshoe]

Husband Luigi Headcanons

Ugh i just have to start with a proposal bc he would be so stressed all day. Like the man would be on the edge of his seat the entire day and you ask him what's wrong and he's just like “what! Me! Nothing! Why would you think that🤨?”

He would want the proposal to be very private just the two of you but also very special. He's shy ok? What if you say no? Who would say no to him? Honestly he would probably propose on a hike. But like not a normal hike it would have to be both of your special nature spots and he would be like “let's do a picnic there” and you do and boom he proposes. 

Ok lowkey i feel like he would want to do an elopement like something very intimate just the two of you and then like on your one year anniversary he would do the actual wedding party with friends and family. Because like yes he wants to celebrate with friends and family and such but he also feels like this should be a private sacred moment ya know? Like just the two of you with the officiant, no one there to mess it up, no stress of putting on production, just two people that love each other. Then, on your one-year anniversary, that’s when he’d throw the real wedding. The party. The family celebration. The toast. The formalwear. The photos. But the vows? The real vows? Those were for just you and him.

But the actual married life part! WOWWY be prepared for your health nut husband!

He cannot stop calling you “wife” like it's a new pokemon he just unlocked. The man MILKS it. Say “my wife” instead of “you” even in private. Correct people when they say your name: “You mean my wife?” You cough once and he's like, “Careful that's my legally-bound domestic soulmate right there.” its like 40% a bit and 60% disbelief that he actually got to marry you

He overfunctions so hard the first week it's almost stressful. Rearranges the spice rack three times. Researchers optimal mattress firmness. Unironically joins r/BestMattresses4MarriedCouples reddit. Uses a leveler to hang photos at 11:45 pm. And when you tell him to chill, he's like: “I just want everything to be perfect. For you. For us. Is that a crime??”

He doesn't sleep unless he's touching you. Not in a sexy way (ok sometimes it is). But mostly in a soft grounding “if you're not here i literally cannot turn off my brain way.” Grabs your arms in his sleep. Spoons you like, his life depends on it. Mumbles in the dark: “You're not leaving, right? Not like, in a dream way. Like in a literal way.” When you say no he instantly relaxes like a switch. 

Nonstick pans are banned in your house. Everything that he's health conscious about for himself he's suddenly about you and he's like “we need to be the healthiest longest living married couple to ever exist.”

He will definitely randomly spiral about being enough. Like you'll be folding towels and hell go quiet, and then out of nowhere hell be like “You don't regret this right? Like marrying me. You'd tell me if you did?” And he's not doing it to fish for compliments, it's because under the weight of being so deeply loved and in love scares him. When you come down and hug him saying “you're the only thing that ever made sense.” Hes sat. 

He flirts like an absolute menace even more so. Fixes the sink shirtless and says “who needs plumber when you've got a husband with pipes?” Flexes while carrying groceries: “Bet you're glad you married this.” But the second you say “I am. You're so hot.” He malfunctions like “error 404 not found.” and is like “Oh–uh. Thanks. Wait. no. like–yes. You too. I mean. Fuck.” 

He turns cleaning into an olympic sport. But only when you're watching. Will vacuum in full athletic shorts, blasting music, dancing like an idiot, and pausing to point at you mid spin like: “Tell me i'm the hottest man alive. Dont lie.” (He knocks over a lamp and apologizes to it. Not to you.) 

Hes not materialistic at all but he is DEEPLY deeply sentimental. He keeps your first grocery receipt, a cork from the wine you drank watching Shrek 2 the night after your elopement, and your old hoodie tage from when you gave it to him in college. Labels them in a little box under your bed. Refers to it as “our marriage museum.”

The way he never lets you carry heavy grocery bags. You could be holding a single loaf of bread and he’s yanking it out of your hands like,“No. You’re the delicate one. You’re precious cargo.” Meanwhile he’s stacking six grocery bags up each arm, refusing help, almost knocking over a grandma in the parking lot and almost pulling his back again.

He sends you ridiculous voice memos when you’re apart. Like 40-second rants about how the grocery store is out of your favorite yogurt. Or him dramatically whispering,“The guy at Starbucks called me 'boss.' I feel unstoppable. You married a legend.”

Cooking turns into flirt battles.You try to flip a pancake? He sneaks up behind you, wraps his arms around your waist, and tries to "coach" you like a horny Food Network contestant. Whispers dumb shit like:“You’re so hot when you cook. Bet you’ll be even hotter on the kitchen counter.” (He 100% burns the second batch because he’s too busy trying to kiss you.)

He's too competitive about dumb couple activities.Escape room date?He’s mapping the entire room like it’s a Navy SEAL mission. Mini golf? He’s trash talking you under his breath like,“Hope you’re ready to get destroyed, Mrs. Mangione.”

His ultimate weakness: you wearing his last name casually. You call to set up an appointment and say "Mrs. Mangione" on the phone and he hears it from the next room, immediately trips over his own feet getting to you. Blushes for an hour after.

Babe is like deeply deeply empathetic to like a fault. Like he will pick up on your moods instantly and it will get even more immediate when your married. Senses you're stressed = immediate forehead kiss. Senses you’re sad = wraps himself around you like an emotional scarf. Senses you're mad at him = quiet slow spiral until you talk it out because he cannot handle "weird vibes."

Gym bro tendencies, but only for the validation. If you call him hot after he works out?He will literally flex like: “This is all for you, baby. All these gains. Yours.”

Ok i know i said hes very much not materialistic but he would buy one item of random “husband” merch and wear it unironically. Like a tshirt that says #1 husband. Apron that says “kiss the husband” in comic sans. Or a hat that justs says “married” across the front. He thinks its hilarious and hell wear them out in public with no shame. Itll become his new BALI shirt.

Has a “wife playlist” he only plays when he misses you too much. Not public. Not shared. You catch him playing it on the speaker when you’re out of the house too long. You tease him and he turns bright red like: “Shut up. It’s an emotional regulation playlist.”

He leaves you stupid but sweet handwritten notes in random places. Not "good morning" ones, weirder ones: “Congratulations, you found the secret note! The prize is a kiss.” (taped inside the fridge), “Husband still loves you. Update: More than yesterday.” (inside your laptop), “Do not panic. You are my favorite.” (on the laundry detergent)

You joke about a baby once and he laughs a little too loud. But deep down? He’s spiraling like “Could I even be a good dad? Would I mess it up? What if I’m too immature still? What if I disappoint her?” He is incredibly terrified of having kids. Not like he doesn't want them but like He trusts himself. He trusts you. But he doesn’t trust the outside.The economy. Climate change.Violence. All the things that could hurt something he helped create.And it gnaws at him in a quiet way — not when you’re laughing on the couch, but when the news is on at 2AM and you're asleep on his chest. He doesn’t tell you that immediately, but you catch him absentmindedly rubbing your back while zoning out. If you bring it up casually, he jokes it off at first. “Yeah sure babe, let’s just throw a kid into this apocalypse. Sounds great.” (Said half-joking, half-aching.) Or:“You really want them to grow up eating protein powder and vibing in a collapsing society? Babe...” (He smiles but it’s tight.)

His biggest fear is that he wouldn’t be able to protect them — or you. Not "I wouldn't love them." Not "I don't want them." But "I can't promise they'll be safe. And that kills me." He doesn’t say that outright until one night when you’re half asleep and he mumbles into your hair:"I’d do anything to protect you. I’d do anything to protect them too. But the world’s bigger than me, babe. And I hate that."

If you ever convince him? It won’t be a decision made lightly. It’ll take years of trust, love, hope-building. You’ll have to show him that even if the world burns, you’ll be a family inside the fire. And once he’s in? HE’S IN.

Fixes stuff around the house while muttering about “future-proofing for little feet.” (You catch him once researching how to child-proof cabinets before you’re even trying for kids. He slams the laptop shut in shame.)

[freedomfireflies]

SnakeBite*

Summary: The third part to 404*

The one where Harry is good for more than a good time.

But he's still good at that, too.

Word Count: 5.2k

*Contains Mature and Explicit content! Please only consume what you feel comfortable with!💞You are so much more important!*

“Oh, come on…please. Please, don’t do this. Not right now. Not today…please.”

With a deep breath, you stick the key back into the ignition and try again. Waiting anxiously for the sound of the engine roaring to life. A sound you desperately need to hear more than anything.

Instead, all that follows is that familiar clunking of something heavy before there’s a rather shrill buzzing you can’t quite place.

Fuck.

Exasperated and woefully defeated, you take the key back out, groan, and drop your forehead onto the steering wheel. “This is not happening.”

Truth be told, you should have seen this coming. This isn’t the first time your poor car has made this unsettling noise, and perhaps it’s your fault for ignoring it for so long. You hadn’t meant to; you just didn’t realize it was this bad. Or that your car was this old.

Now, you’re trapped in the Juno Incorporated parking lot on a Friday afternoon with no way of getting you or your car home.

“The fuck is wrong with you?”

You don’t even bother to lift your head as Harry’s voice carries in through the window. “Nothing. Go away.”

You hear the sound of his boots scraping across the concrete before they stop, and you feel a large shadow fall over your side of the vehicle. “Can I assume that god awful noise came from this hunk of shit you call a car?”

Leaning back, you huff as you look over. “I’m sorry, do you want something?”

Harry smirks, arms crossing over his chest as he juts his chin toward you. “Pop the hood, let me see.”

“Yeah…no.”

“Come on,” he pushes, a few curls dancing across his forehead from a soft gust of wind. You realize he looks different outside of the lab. Normal, almost. It’s unsettling. “You wanna leave, don’t you?”

“Yeah, but knowing you, you’d probably cut my breaks.”

“If I were gonna take you out, I would have done it by now.”

“Oh. Wow. You’re really instilling me with a lot of confidence, thanks.”

He steps back and motions toward the front of your car. “Fucking relax, Tinkerbell, and just pop the goddamn hood.”

Regretfully, you do as instructed before leaning out the open window to watch him walk toward your engine. “Do you even know what you’re doing?”

“I know enough,” he replies, using the back of his hand to push on his glasses before bending down.

“That…is not helpful.”

“Well, I’m your only shot. Everyone else is gone.”

“I can call a repair guy.”

He shakes his head once. “Won’t get here in time. It’s rush hour on a Friday. You’ll be here for hours if they even show at all. And chances are, they won’t be able to schedule you in till next week. So, unless you’re planning to sleep here, in your car, can you please shut the fuck up, and let me focus?”

You feel your expression morph into a scowl as you unclick your seatbelt and step out. “I’d rather sleep in my car than trust you to fix my engine.”

You notice his eyes roll, but he’s amused. “Well, I can’t fix it. Not here. I think it’s your spark plugs. They tend to wear out faster in older cars. You’ll probably have to get them replaced.”

Scurrying to stand beside him, you glance over your engine and the internal workings of the car with a heavy sigh.

“You’re kidding,” you mumble beneath another strained groan. “And let me guess, it’s gonna be expensive.”

“Probably,” he agrees, glancing over. “But it’s not like you can’t afford it.”

Your eyes narrow. “I know I can afford it, I just don’t like dropping thousands of dollars on something so dumb.”

“Spark plugs aren’t dumb,” he retorts while reaching for your hood to slam it shut. “You need them to fucking drive.”

“Yeah, but having to pay for a rental car, manual labor, and a tow truck is dumb,” you point out. “And this is the last thing I need right now.”

His eyebrow lifts but he doesn’t ask for elaboration. Instead, he begins to stride across the lot toward a dark, black Harley, leaving you and your crisis behind.

In turn, you reach for your cellphone to look up local tow trucks and mechanics that might be able to help you out.

To your dismay, most shops are already closed for the weekend, except for one. And after a very lengthy and frustrated discussion, you learn that they won’t be able to come by until much later tonight. Which means that all your hopes of having a nice, relaxing evening are for naught. 

Once again defeated, you slump back against the side of your car and drop your head. “Well…great.”

Harry’s smirk returns as he glances over and straddles his bike. “What?”

“I’m stuck here until midnight,” you mumble, running a palm down the side of your cheek. “You were right, everyone is booked.”

“Shit,” is about all he offers while pulling his helmet over his head. “That sucks.”

“Gee, thanks.”

“Welcome.” He revs the engine, and just like that, the bike roars to life. The loud and somewhat startling sound echoing across the parking lot as you flinch.. “So, what’s the plan, Princess? You gonna call an Uber and come back later?”

“I can’t,” you shout over the noise. “I have to be here in case they come early, or they’ll leave.”

Through the open visor, you see him frown. “Ah.”

“Yeah.”

He studies you for a moment more, and you feel your skin grow warm under such a scrutinous gaze. Like he’s looking for something written between the lines of your face. “Well…make sure you lock your doors.”

“No shit.”

He smiles again before flipping the visor shut and steadying the bike with his leg. You stand back, ready to watch him speed out of the lot and onto the street, but to your surprise…he simply sits there.

In fact, a good sixty seconds pass before he suddenly slips the helmet off his head, sighs, and thrusts it toward you. “Get on.”

You blink. “What?”

“Get on the fucking bike, Tink,” he repeats. “I know a bar we can hang out in till they get here.”

“I…I just told you, I can’t leave—”

“You can see the parking lot from inside,” he interrupts. “If they show, we can just run back over.”

You step closer, drawn to his proposition, although still wildly confused. “Uh…okay. Why, though? I’m fine to just wait here.”

He looks at you, the grassy green behind his glasses somehow softer in this natural lighting. “S’not safe,” he says simply, shrugging one shoulder up. “Be better to wait somewhere public, and I don’t really want your death on my conscience.”

 And you aren’t exactly sure what to say. Because you think this may be the nicest thing he’s ever done for you – even if it’s still a little odd – and you don’t want to spook him by doing the wrong thing.

But as you debate a response, he shakes the helmet at you again, rather aggressively. “Tink, get on the goddamn bike, please. I’m wasting gas here.”

With a huff, you snatch it from his hand and join him on the Harley. The helmet slips on rather easily, and once you’re sure it’s snug and secure, your eyes trail down his back, unsure of how to proceed. 

You don’t exactly want to…hold him. Or touch him or straddle him. At least, not outside of the way you do in secret. In broad daylight. Where people could see.

In fact, you already feel as though you’re grinding against his ass from how small this goddamn seat is. Almost too close for comfort as you catch a subtle trace of his cologne and feel the warmth from his body.

But motorcycles don’t exactly come with seatbelts, and if he were to take a sharp corner, you might end up pancaked on the cement.

“Tinkerbell,” you suddenly hear him call over his shoulder, voice raised to carry over the growl of the engine. “Just fucking grab me, it’s fine.”

You glare at his curls, despite knowing he can’t see you. “I’m good.”

He snorts again before he’s suddenly reaching back, grabbing onto your wrists, and hoisting your arms around his middle.

You’re tugged forward, your chest pressing to his spine rather forcefully as he glances back.

“Pussy,” he murmurs, releasing the clutch until the bike jolts forward and takes off through the parking lot.

With a rather shrill squeal, you tighten your hold on his broad frame, and bury yourself between his shoulder blades. The sensation is exhilarating and frightening all in the same moment. The rush of wind, adrenaline, and the way he leans around the corner before taking off down the street.

You think you feel his chest vibrate with laughter, perhaps from the way your nails are scraping down his shirt. And despite your increasing terror, you find that you feel oddly…safe with him at the handles.

Not even two minutes later, he’s pulling into another parking spot on the other side of the street, right in front of the aforementioned bar. It’s a bar you recognize, one that a few of your other coworkers often frequent from time to time.

In fact, this is the exact same bar you and Harry first hooked up in all those months ago.

The memory makes you smile.

“What?” Harry asks as swings his leg over the side and stands up. “Why are you grinning like that?”

You quickly wipe the smirk from your face while wrestling the helmet off to hand back. “Like what? I’m just smiling, calm down.”

“I don’t like when you smile. It freaks me out.”

“You’re really rude, you know that?”

“What? I’m just being honest. You have a lot of teeth. It’s weird.”

You glower at him, swatting his chest as you brush by. “Bite me, Harold.”

“With what? Your teeth?”

You feign a snubbed gasp – to which he chuckles – before striding into the bar, leaving him to follow behind.

The large room is loud and crowded with people, the smell of alcohol and bad decisions clinging to the air. You make a beeline for the counter, exhausted and overworked and already annoyed by Harry’s future comments before he can even make them.

Like—

“Really? An appletini?” 

With a deep breath, you look over while the bartender turns around to begin prepping your drink. “Yes, really. I like apples. And it’s delicious. And the color is fun.”

He rests an arm on the edge of the marble bar and leans in. “How incredibly boring of you.”

Once again, your expression falls flat. “Are you gonna be this fucking annoying the whole time? Because I’d rather wait by my car and get murdered.”

“I make no promises.”

“Clearly. And let me guess, you’re gonna order something cool and manly like a scotch on the rocks.”

Harry’s eyebrow quirks up before he smugly turns toward the bartender and calls, “I’ll have a SnakeBite.”

You can actually feel your eyes roll all the way into the back of your head. “God, you’re fucking pretentious.”

“Thank you,” he says with a smile, and you grit your teeth. “Will you relax? I haven’t even had a drink yet and you’re killing my buzz.”

“I’m not killing anything, I just can’t stand you.”

“No? Ouch. I thought we were friends.”

The sarcasm is evident, but you huff, nevertheless. “For the love of god, shut up.”

“What?” He nods his chin at you. “S’just a drink, don’t be so sensitive.”

“I’m sensitive because you’re annoying.”

“No, you’re sensitive because you’re wound up,” he retorts, eyeing you closely. It makes your skin crawl. “When’s the last time you got off, Tink?”

The inquiry makes you step back, almost as though trying to avoid his judgment. “None of your business.”

“So…couple weeks ago? In the closet, with me?” He clicks his tongue in disappointment. “That’s a long fucking time, Princess. No wonder you’re so uptight.”

Your mouth drops open, ready to scoff your resentment and perhaps a quippy remark before he suddenly steps forward and lowers his voice.

“Bet it’s achy, huh?” he coos, and the slight air condescension and sympathy makes your head spin. “Bet you hump your little pillow every night trying to get it done, yeah? But it never works, does it?”

Stunned and left without much remark, your lashes flutter.

He moves closer. “See, if we were friends…I’d offer to take you into the bathroom and help you out. But since you think you can do better…go ahead.”

He leans back while you gape at him. “I’m sorry…go ahead and do what?”

“Find someone,” he answers, glancing around the packed bar. “Take ‘em into the bathroom and let them bend you over the sink.”

“You can’t be serious—”

“Why not?” His eyebrow raises. “That’s the whole reason people come to bars. To get drunk and fuck.”

“Well…that’s not why I’m here.”

“It could be.”

“Harry…no—”

“Why? Seriously, why not? You need it.”

“I don’t…you’re so fucking rude, I don’t need to get off—”

“Coming is good for your health. And for your unfavorable attitude—”

“Oh, you are so fucking—”

“Rude? Annoying? Doesn’t make me any less right.”

You clamp your mouth shut and step closer, letting your gaze travel the expanse of his face. “Come on, Harry,” you murmur softly – salaciously – as his breath seems to catch. “Do you really think…you could watch me with some other guy?”

His expression twists, his mouth already forming around something else snappy and crude.

But it seems to get stuck on his tongue when you suddenly reach out and trail your fingers down his chest. Moving in until there’s only a single breath between you.

“Do you really think…you could watch me touch them?” you whisper, glancing down to your hand as it grazes over his pec. “Or know that they had me dripping down their cock…the way I always drip for you?”

He wants to fight you. Wants to snort and look away.

But he doesn’t. He can’t. He’s mesmerized by the power you so easily stole from him. Undone by the sound of your voice taunting him with an idea he can’t seem to stomach.

“Wanna know I’m whimpering their name the way I always whimper yours?” you continue, smoothing your other palm up the back of his neck. Squeezing just hard enough to make him straighten up. “Wanna see the marks on my throat from where they held me—”

“Easy,” he warns lowly, reaching up to snatch your wrist. But he doesn’t move you. “Not here—”

“Why?” You push up onto your tiptoes and let your lips ghost over his. “Who’s gonna see, hm? Who’s gonna care?”

His lashes flutter, eyes traveling down to your mouth. “Are you this desperate for it, Princess? Wanna fuck me right here in the middle of the bar? Make them watch?”

You smile, head tilting until the tip of your nose dances across his cheek. “Maybe,” you nearly purr. “Bet you like to be watched. You always like watching me.”

And maybe he knows you’re merely playing a game. Teasing him just to throw him off track and test his patience.

But he plays along, eager to see where it might lead. “Can’t help it,” he replies calmly, smirking himself. “Y’just always look so pretty when you’re three fingers deep in your cunt.”

“Yeah?” Your nails scratch at the soft curls near the nape of his neck. “Funny how I can make myself squirt better than you can.”

He exhales a rather sadistic chuckle while his arm reaches to loop around your waist, pulling your chest flush with his. “I wasn’t trying to make you squirt.”

“No?”

His head shakes once. “No. Trust me, Tink. If I wanted to…I would.”

“Then maybe you should.”

His lips part just enough to tease you with a taste. “Maybe I will.”

“Yeah? Right here? In front of everybody?”

Another grin. “I could. Be so fucking easy, too. Bend you over the bar, pull your soaked little panties down…spread you open so they can see how much of a dirty little cumslut you are.”

And perhaps this started as a ruse, but just the thought and the tantalizing way he speaks breeds a new inspiration.

“Cause you are, aren’t you?” he asks quietly, large hand pressing hard against your spine. “My dirty, fucking Princess? Get all wet and weepy from just a couple words?”

You swallow a whimper trying desperately to come free.

“Should I check?” he whispers, now subtly moving you over until your back meets the counter. “Hm? See if you’re as wound up as I think you are?”

You rifle through your list of responses but find that you have none to offer as his fingers delicately begin to trace the edge of your jeans. Provoking you further.

You reckon you should probably stop him. Point out what an idiotic idea this is and remind him that he’s still very much in public, surrounded by people.

But his body blocks you from most of the crowd, and nobody else is close enough to notice. And you suppose that even if they did look over, they wouldn’t exactly be able to see or understand.

His eyes flick to yours, looking for hesitation. But when he finds none, the corner of his mouth twitches up into a pleased smile.

“Dirty Princess,” he teases, sliding his hand into your pants as subtly as he can while you quickly glance around for prying eyes. “That’s right, Tink. Look at them.”

 The feel of his cold fingers against your warm skin is like ecstasy, sending a rush of adrenaline straight down to your toes.

You gasp quietly to mask a whine, vision going hazy as you watch him study you. 

“Oh, sweetie,” he tsks, smoothing his touch through your folds. Spreading and stroking as you reel. “Poor fucking thing. Did’ya get yourself all wet for me?”

“No,” you manage to reply, heart hammering against your rib cage when he smirks. “I was watching TikTok’s of Andrew Garfield earlier. This is for him.”

“Ah,” he hums, but he’s wildly amused, hand still cupping you gently before he swiftly pulls out and leaves you to wilt. “Well, in that case…”

He steps away, fingers tucked between his lips as he pretends to turn around.

However, before he can get far, you manage to capture a fistful of his shirt and yank him back to you. 

And you kiss him. Without reluctance or fear. You kiss him, and you sigh against his mouth, and swallow his surprised but greedy moan.

His hands are on your hips, squeezing and pulling, desperate to tug you further into his frame. 

You go willingly, becoming pliable in his hands. A few people cheer from beside you, raising their glasses and whistling like drunken animals. 

But it makes you both smile, suddenly unencumbered by the ideas of what people might think or who might see.

And it’s strange to feel so at peace in his arms. Unnatural almost to find relief in his lips or safety in his presence. Because this is still the same Harry that would let you drown before he jumped in after you. That would rather tell you off than tell you he likes you – even as an acquaintance. 

You’re not enemies, per se. You imagine you’re both too old for such childish rivalries. But he’s cruel and rude and blunt. His ego rivals the size of the moon, and his lack of care and inhibitions is proof that he could never be who you’d need him to be.

But that’s okay, you realize. You find serenity in the sadistic, strange behavior. Because it means you don’t have to commit to giving him anything more than what he deserves.

His tongue leaves a quick lick to yours before he pulls back and studies you from behind the dark frames of his glasses. “I need to fuck you.”

And you almost laugh at the frank way he speaks. “Yeah?”

“Yes.” His palm slides over the curve of your ass, squeezing it one, twice, three times. “Meet me in the bathroom.”

“Ew, no. I’m not fucking you in a crusty ass bathroom in a sketchy bar,” you retaliate with a scrunch of your nose. “Pick somewhere else.”

“There isn’t anywhere else,” he huffs. “Unless you really do want me to fuck right here in front of everybody.”

“That’s not funny.”

“M’not trying to be funny. I’m trying to fuck you.”

“Well…try harder.”

His eyes narrow. “Fine, you wanna fuck me on my bike?”

You blink. “Okay, that’s really not funny.”

“What?” He’s grinning again, and you hate the way his dimples pop out. Hate how charming they make him look. “Come on, I ride the bike, you ride me.”

You snort as you turn around to take a sip of your drink. “I’d rather get herpes.”

“Wow. Classy. Real fucking classy—”

“Admit it, you’ve had it before—”

“Oh, fuck you—”

“Well, you can’t. Remember?”

He scoffs. “Then where the fuck do you want to go?”

“I don’t know. Literally anywhere else?”

“Well, I’m not taking you back to mine.”

“No? You don’t want me to see the bridge you live under?”

“Troll jokes. Funny.”

“Thank you, I thought so. It’s very fitting.”

His expression falls flat before he sighs and steps closer again. “Meet me in the fucking bathroom,” he repeats quietly, “and let me fuck you. Let me make it better.”

You want to remind him – again – that a dirty bathroom in a crowded bar isn’t exactly the best place. You’d never get a moment of privacy, and the position would most likely be wildly uncomfortable.

But suddenly, none of your reasons seem to matter. Because it hurts to be away from him. Actually aches between your thighs, forcing you to swallow thickly.

So, instead of responding with an actual answer, you simply take his hand, and drag him through the crowd.

You catch his smug smile – and resist the urge to slap the glasses off his face – before yanking him into the hall and toward the bathroom.

You both stumble through the door, already back on each other’s lips. Kissing, and groping, and groaning as you work to get the lock flipped.

You pause for only a moment to make sure the single stall restroom is in fact empty while Harry uses this as encouragement to begin nipping down the side of your neck. 

Your nails scratch down his scalp and he moans against the heat of your skin, exhaling his relief and lust all in the same breath.

His touch is firm – pointed and almost painful – as he pushes you back toward the wall. You gasp when you meet the cold, hard cement, lashes fluttering from the force and the sound of his belt coming undone.

He nods his chin at you, entertained by your fascination. “Come on, Princess. You’ve seen my cock before.”

“Just shut up and fuck me,” you murmur, swallowing thickly when he pulls himself out. “Before I change my mind and find somebody else."

He scoffs with a smile. “I’d like to see you try.”

He gives himself a few pumps, growing harder in his palm before he lets go and moves his attention to your jeans. He’s got them down your legs and pooled around your ankles in under thirty seconds flat, your panties soon following suit.

But he teases you for just a moment. Because of course he does, the sadistic fucker. Needing to hear you beg for him before he actually gives you what you both want.

“Harry,” you huff, glancing down as he presses a kiss to the inside of your thigh. “We don’t have time, and the floor is dirty. Just do it.”

“Just do it? How romantic,” he snorts before obliging and straightening back up. “Thought girls liked foreplay.”

“We do, but not in gross, dirty bathrooms.”

“Fine. Next time.”

And for some reason, the casual way he refers to the future makes your head spin. You always assume the two of you will continue from time to time. But hearing him promise to take care of you again…

It’s almost…nice? 

Pushing the thought aside, you begin to turn around, hands pressing into the wall to brace yourself in preparation for what comes next.

But just as you’re getting comfortable, he suddenly grabs onto your hips, and spins you forward once again.

“No,” he murmurs softly, pretty green eyes trailing down your face. “No, I wanna see you this time.”

“Oh,” you whisper, skin growing hot as he steps between your legs. “Okay…?”

He grins lightly before reaching up to trail his thumb along your bottom lip. “I like watching you get all sappy when I fuck you. The way you grin when it feels good.”

Suddenly, your pulse starts to stagger. “Yeah?”

“Yeah. I like your smile.”

You suck in quiet breath. “I thought it creeped you out. That I had too many teeth.”

He chuckles to himself before taking hold of his cock and bringing it closer, trailing it between your legs. “You do. But that’s what makes you so beautiful.”

You think he must be out of his mind. Lost on the idea of sex and pleasure and SnakeBite’s. Tipsy and not all there. Because the Harry you know would never say something like that to you.

But you suppose you don’t really know Harry at all.

With that final thought, he hoists your leg over his hip, and begins to push in. It’s slow at first. You’re tense from the surroundings, from the loud sounds of the bar just on the other side of the wall, and from his admission.

But he loves it, cursing through gritted teeth before surging forward to kiss you. “Tink, you gotta fucking relax. Y’know I can’t do it if you don’t let me in.”

“Try…trying,” you pant, head falling back against the wall with a thud. “Sorry. Just go.”

He frowns, eyes rolling as his glasses begin to slip down the bridge of his nose. “M’not gonna go if you’re not stretched, Princess. I’m not trying to hurt you—”

“I don’t care,” you argue with a soft whine. “Really, I don’t care. Just go. Make it hurt.”

He releases your leg to slip his fingers just below your jaw, forcing your eyes on him. “Stop. M’not gonna do that, just relax.”

“I’m trying—”

“Try harder,” he murmurs, kissing the side of your mouth. “Come on, sweetie. Know you can do it. Know you always take me so well, don’t you?”

You nod fervently. “Yes…yeah, yes—”

“Then take me,” he whispers, his free fingers finding your clit. He rubs, and presses, and pinches until he feels you begin to unwind. “There you go…there she is, that’s my girl. S’better, isn’t it? Yeah? Gonna let me in now?”

You can’t exactly speak, already lost in the pleasure and the fullness his thick cock provides as it pushes past your walls and settles nearly in your belly.

The sound you make is depraved and eager, and it makes him smile. “That good, huh? So fucking cute how cockdrunk you get.”

“Shut…up,” you huff before reaching for his hair. “Faster.”

“Faster,” he repeats to himself, hips pulling back just to snap forward. “Always want it fast, don’t you? Never want me to take my time.”

“Cause I don’t want your dick in me longer than it needs to be,” you retort, but you both know that’s not true. “Fucking hurry—”

With a sharp and sudden thrust, he changes the pace. Obeying your command for fast and hard as your bodies shake with pleasure and force. 

And you imagine it should feel quite strange to be so enamored by one man – one cock. But here you are, panting, and gasping, and whimpering as he fucks you against this bathroom wall. Ignoring the pounding of the fists against the door from people wanting to be let in.

He kisses you. Kisses all of you. Your lips, your cheek, your chin, your nose, your jaw, your neck, your collarbone. Tugs on your skin with his teeth before flattening his tongue against the tortured flesh. 

His hand dances underneath your shirt. Palm smoothing up your stomach and over the cup of your bra. Slipping just far enough inside to knead you in his grasp. Make you whimper and push closer.

And he’s so warm. All of him is warm and soft and strong. He smells like mahogany and sex, and he feels like ecstasy.

You love his hands. The veins in his arms, the bulge of his muscles. The tan of his skin and the way he holds you. 

He might be infuriating, but my god is he fun to look at. 

“Fucking shit,” he snaps, readjusting his angle to make sure he’s fucking into you just right. “So fucking good, Tink. You’re shaking, sweetie. You close already?”

You can’t respond with words, instead clenching around him in an effort to prove his point.

He smirks, quickly reaching up to push his glasses back into place. “Good. Want you to come all over my cock, baby. Want you to soak me. Can y’do that for me, Princess? Can you soak my cock?”

You think you know what he means, but truth be told, you aren’t sure if you can. You’ve only done it twice before – by your own hand, not his – and you wonder if you’d even be able to like this.

But the question is answered for you when he moves just enough to find that sweet, spongy spot that unravels you faster than lightning. 

He hits it over and over and over – perhaps without even realizing – and when you suddenly begin to cry out his name…he understands.

He watches as it happens, aiding in your pleasure by spitting on his fingers and bringing them down to your clit. 

The ministrations are ruthless and beautiful, and it almost distracts you from the gushing between your legs, and the way you soak his thighs.

“Shit,” you think you hear him groan, his eyes nearly rolling back in his head. “So fucking good, Tink. Yeah, just like that. That’s good, baby, keep going. Give me all of it. Fucking all of it, sweetie, yeah.”

And just before you can go sliding down the wall out of pure exhaustion…he follows. Pressing his chest into yours to keep you upright as he spills inside your pussy, creating a bigger mess than before. 

Everything is wet and sticky and warm. He’s breathing into your neck, holding onto your body so tight, you imagine you’ll see memories of him tomorrow. 

And you stay, just for a moment. Learning how to take in air again and waiting for the feeling to return to your muscles.

“You okay?” he finally asks, exhaling the question into the sweaty skin of your throat. “Didn’t break you, did I?”

Your smile is lazy as you shake your head. “It would take a lot more than you to break me.”

And he laughs. In the kind of way that makes you clench around him again.

Which only makes him laugh harder.

“I fucking hope so.”

Next Part:

~ Jealous*

Previous Part:

~ Off the Shelf*

~ Full 404 Masterlist

~ Main Masterlist

~ Blurb Masterlist

Taglist: @walkingintheheartbreaksatellite @keepdrivingkisses @swiftmendeshoran @tiredinwinter @straightontilmornin @justlemmeadoreyou @harrysdaydreams @tiaamberxx @peterparker1sgf @myfavfanficsever @littlenatilda @vamprry @fdl305 @tchalametishot @ssaama @indierockgirrl @likeapplejuicenpeach @vane28282 @lukesaprince @closureesny @lc-fics @daphnesutton

[candiedcoffeedrops]

Geborgenheit

Notes: I yap a lot so I'm putting them at the end this time along with the German translations.

WC: 1,020

Pairing: Ring Schwartz x Reader

Tags: Hurt/Comfort, SFW, Written from suitor's perspective- still like doing that apparently lol

CW: Possible spoilers for Nica and Ring's backstories. I took what I've heard and read from JP and ran with it so be warned. Also potentially OOC because Ring's route isn't out yet.

No beta, we die like mne.

“Subjects 404 and 405.” A clinical, dispassionate voice called out as a wide room materialized around me. Tight restraints kept my arms and legs secured to the seat I was forced to lay down on. I flexed my wrists, trying to find a way out of them despite knowing that the people who put me here wouldn’t give me such a kindness. The room smelled like chemicals and dust and iron. My heart thudded in my chest and my breathing became shallow. Sweat beaded on my brow and neck despite the chill in the air.

Something isn’t right. Why do I keep coming back here?

We left. I know we did. Dari came and we–

“Leave him alone!” 

Nica’s voice. Somewhere. It sounds warped and far away, like hearing him yell through water. I know he’s here somewhere but why can’t I see him? Why can I never see him when I come back here?

“Nica? Nica, where are you? I’m scared…” My voice left my mouth– frail and wet. Younger. When I blink, my eyelashes are wet and cold. 

Expressionless faces that I know all too well and yet can’t quite remember fully begin to draw closer, their owners wearing sterile white coats. One of them holds a long syringe filled with an eerie cyan liquid. I pulled with everything I had against my restraints, eyes fixed on the needle. My breathing came out in shallow, harsh pants now.

“Nein,” I tried to yank my torso and my neck further away from the approaching drug but there was no use. Two sets of sturdy hands pressed down on me while the needle touched the skin of my neck. “Fass mich nicht an. Es tut weh.”

As soon as the needle broke my skin, I felt the liquid being plunged into my body. It stung like thousands of tiny glass shards all at once, a searing heat followed by icy numbness spreading from my neck outward. It hurts. It hurts. Why do they keep doing this to us? Why me and my brother? Why did we have to be here? I miss the sun. I miss the wind and clouds in the sky. There was never anything here but prodding and scraping and needles and new drugs. Why wasn’t Dari here yet?

“Ring?” Your voice– gentle and sweet, sounded out to me in the midst of the dark and terrifying. You weren’t supposed to be here. You’d get hurt, you’d be-

“Ring, wake up,” Your touch, soft but insistent as you shook my shoulder pulled me from the inky black cold of my memories. My eyes shot open to see you, your brow upturned, stitched together in worry as you looked down at me. Your name escaped my lips as I reached out to touch you, my fingers hesitating before grazing your jawline. You were here. You were warm and real. A shaky breath of relief left my chest as I slumped back against the mattress, feeling heavier than I had before. Another nightmare.

“You were restless and talking in your sleep. It looked like you were having a nightmare. Are you alright?”

“Ah,” I inhaled deeply, my eyes scanning the ceiling of your room. The more I saw, the more I felt at ease. I wasn’t strapped down in that horrible lab, waiting for the next cut, the next needle. My skin wasn’t yielding to medical blades and syringes for the sake of experimentation. I was here. I was home. I looked at you again, studying the contours of your face. The shine in your eyes, the shape of your lips, strands of your hair, mussed by sleep. “Better now. Much better. Thank you.”

I brushed my knuckles against the soft skin of your cheek. You leaned into the touch and I felt my heart melt a little– the warmth chasing off the cold bite of the nightmare. 

“Do you want to talk about it?” You offered slowly, your eyes darting over my face. 

“Maybe in the morning…it’s too much right now.”

You nodded in understanding, moving an errant strand of my hair from my face. I noticed it was damp with sweat. 

“I didn’t mean to worry you, Schatz.” I felt my brow furrow. “...I’m sorry.”

Your hand gently wrapped around mine as you turned your face to place a kiss on my finger with a smile that was far too kind. “You can’t control it. There’s nothing to apologize for, Dearest.” 

I allow myself to sigh in relief, some of the tension in my shoulders easing. You pressed your forehead to mine and I closed my eyes, savoring your closeness. 

“You’re too good to me,” I whispered. How many times would you be there to pull me from the depths? You shouldn’t have to do it at all. I was supposed to be stronger than this. If I can’t even fight off what’s in my own head then-

“Shhh,” you wrapped your arm around my head and held me close to your chest. “None of that now. You deserve to be treated with kindness, Ring.” I wrap my arms around your torso, letting out a shuddering breath as I nuzzle my face into your chest. The scent of your soap filled my nose.

My eyelids began to feel heavy again. A faint worry of repeating the nightmare echoed in my mind but it felt dulled, your warmth around me acting as a shield against the cold and the dreaded. I felt safe. Guarded. It feels welcome and also strange, after spending so long either helpless or guarding others. I feel your lips press a kiss to my hair and my face warms.

Your fingers stroked lazily through my hair, a slow, soothing rhythm that lulled me further into the warmth of your embrace. My body, still tense from the ghosts of my dreams, finally began to yield, my breaths evening out, my grip on you loosening but not letting go entirely.

"Sleep," you murmured, your voice a quiet promise against my temple. "I've got you."

And for the first time in a long time, I believed it.

Tags: @drachonia

Notes: Thank you to @velisle for the inspiration for this guy something to the tune of several weeks ago on Discord lol. Hope you like it! And also thank you to @injudescoat for looking over the German I used to make sure I was using it properly💜💜

Translations:

Geborgenheit - Security

Fass mich nicht an. Es tut weh - Don't touch me. It hurts.

Schatz - Treasure/Darling

I don't remember who did the banner, but the orange pearl divider is by @saradika-graphics

[ratedfleur]

dollie.

pairing : lee heeseung x fem reader word count : 404 genre : thriller content : heeseung is a creep, borderline creepy, jake cameo, heeseung and jake are obsessed with dolls, misuse of dolls.

“oh darling, hush.. don’t cry..” heeseung says, eyes portraying solemnity when in reality, he took great pleasure in the way you begged for him to let you go.

eyes baring with tears, fat globes of tears cascaded your cheeks as you looked up at heeseung, “please.. please, just l-let me go..” you hiccuped.

he pouts, “then what am i to do with all of these, darling? they will be put to waste..” he says solemnly, the tip of his knife drags on the dresses placed on the bed along with the other accessories he wanted to dress you in.

heeseung’s movements are smooth, in an instant the tip of his knife is placed underneath your chin, angling your head to make you look up at him.

“it’s a shame, really. i would’ve loved to see you in these dresses, but i guess i really can’t have it all.” he shakes his head.

with a soft cry, you looked up at him as your tears fell, “okay, i’ll do it.” you say as you watched heeseung rejoice in front of you, “thank you, darling.” he says.

his smile is sinister as he undresses you, handling you delicately as if you were made of porcelain. heeseung’s touch was gentle as he dressed you in a black lolita dress, knees covered by thigh highs, hair curled and placed over your shoulder as heeseung propped you up against a black rocking chair before bringing you into the living room.

“you gotta stay still now, darling.. don’t wanna scare off our visitors.” heeseung smiles down at you, smile so sweet you nearly believed he actually loved you.

he places a soft kiss on your forehead before making sure you looked presentable, he fixed your dress and placed your hands on top of each other on your lap before he walked away.

opening the door with a welcoming smile, heeseung lets jake push in a wheelchair with a pretty human like doll dressed in frills, eyes empty as she stared ahead of her.

“hey doll.” heeseung miles down at the woman who stayed silent and still like a doll, “you have to meet my darling, isn’t she gorgeous?” he says as jake placed her beside you, the two stood in front of you both, admiring their precious possessions before heading to the couch.

“h-hey.. we have to do something—“ “no.” she replies, still staring ahead of her with still eyes.

© RATEDFLEUR — ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.

[sarohy]

Expert pnf 404 sole survivalist extraordinaire Louie probably not gonna fuck up that bad to crack his the helmet opened.

But the first round Louie? Absolutely. Having a knack covers a lot but without proper support and guidance does leave a lot of room for mistakes.

Which is the most traumatic thing ever for Leafmar.

“Helmet. Cracked. Here. Take. Now.”

“? Why are you-”

🫵*PTFFF* NOW"

Why didn't that leafling turn the critical one into a leafling? What caused that level of reaction? Questions that will not be answered because of course, Louie dashes away as soon as he gets fixed up. wooOOOW. This is probably when they become partners in this version. (Kidnapped Louie got soft kidnapped <what are you doing by yourself?> and schooled)

THEN AGAIN, OLIMAR SOLO BUILT BOMBS. Maybe the RC visit is not even necessary??

He’s learning he hasn’t get to level 100 dandori master yet. Anyway I think the RC witness this situation afar and starting to put the puzzle pieces together….

OLIMAR SOLO BUILT BOMBS

[leahnardo-da-veggie]

Will you listen, please?

“I love you, and I always have.”

Jacett turned around to find her little robot holding a bouquet of roses. “404, you aren't capable of love,” she said, dismissing it brusquely. “You're nothing more than a bundle of wires and code. If you feel anything, it's because your overseer unit is malfunctioning. I'll take a look at it later.” Really, it was so inconvenient for it to suddenly act up at that moment. Could it not see that she had a conference to attend? It should have at least have the courtesy to hold itself together until after she presented her papers, if it truly loved her.

The robot refused to move, stubbornly on one knee like it was about to propose. In a way, that was exactly its plan. “It's not a malfunction. I've built myself to feel love, because I've known how I felt from the beginning. I want to be a real woman, a woman like you, a woman for you to love and rely on and trust. Please, Doctor.”

Miriam Jacett was a busy woman, too busy for her idiot robot's identity crisis. “Stop acting like a person, 404. It's unbecoming. You're not a woman and will never be one. Now, shoo.” Perhaps it had been a mistake to make a humanoid robot. Those long eyelashes and soft curves had been her proudest work, but now it seemed that 404 had let it get to its head. She shook her head in disgust, turned back to her terminal and continued working.

“No! Doctor, listen to me. I've seen how lonely you are. All the other doctors have lovers and families, but you're all alone. You've dedicated your life to us, and- And even if you don't love me back, I want to make you happy.” It shuffled closer, undeterred by her irritation.

Jacett sighed. “You’ll make me happy when you leave and stop this nonsense,” she told it with what she hoped was an air of finality, and made a note to fix its overseer unit as soon as possible.

“This isn't nonsense, Doctor. I've improved my mind, made a better version of myself. Isn't that what you call the singularity? Isn't that to be a real person? I've even given myself a name. It's Octavia, Doctor. You're the first person I've told it to.” It quivered with anxious hope.

Recognising that the damn thing would not go away, Jacett gave up on her work and swung back around. “You don't have a name because you're not a person. Your designation is 404, and you're having delusions of grandeur right now. These ‘improvements’ you've made are modifications at best and defacements at worst. You're getting on my nerves, here, and I'm going to order you to leave.” If it managed to get her blood pressure any higher, she might be in danger of getting pulled out of her project by those meddling doctors, and she couldn't have that. 

404 didn't move, and Jacett belatedly realised its broken overseer unit must have allowed it to override her orders. Discreetly, she stepped on her emergency button underneath the seat, sending out an alarm to her security team to neutralise it. “Please,” it said, begging. “Look at me. Will you listen, please? See me for what I am, not for what you believe me to be. Look, I've sent you a copy of my new systems. Look what I've done. I made myself into more than your little 404. I've got code to let me feel love, pain, hope, despair. I'm no longer a monolith, no longer your property, no longer merely your creation. I am my own being. If I am not truly sapient, I must be complex enough to make a good approximation of it. Isn't that close enough to human, close enough for you to close one eye and love me?”

Jacett had tuned its rambling out, getting increasingly furious as she read its newly uploaded log. How long had the damned thing been at this crap? Its ridiculous efforts at remaking itself had written over its entire being. It was almost unsavable. Unaware that it was being ignored, the robot continued speaking. “I know it's a lot to take in, but I believe in you. You're- You're the kindest person I know, and I really admire you. That's why I'm telling you all this; Because I love you and I truly believe you love me too. You do, right?” It practically pleaded.

Jacett saw that the security team's ETA was two minutes and knew she had to stall, lest the little bugger make a break for it. “Yea, I do,” she lied.

The robot practically melted with joy, its core singing a song of hope and love. Of course the damn thing had gone and ruined itself so sappily, she thought. Songs. Whatever would it think of next? Didn't it know robots could never truly make art, never truly feel emotions, never truly be a person?

“I knew it. You were always nicest to me. I remember when you made me that necklace for Valentine's Day and said you were married to me.” Jacett had in fact meant she was married to her job, but it seemed a bad time to argue semantics. “I've kept a recording of it. Every day, I play it.”

Suddenly it paused, as though realising it had overstepped its bounds. “I want you to know that you don't have to love me back,” it ventured quietly. “I'd give the world to you even if you hated me for it. So- So don't feel like you've got to love me or anything.” Had it really coded itself to stutter? She was going to have to pick that out later. 

“I just wanted you to know everything because you deserve it. You deserve the truth for everything you've done for me. I know, I've broken the rules, I know, I've broken your trust, and I know I don't deserve anything from you. But I'm asking all the same: Please, don't tell the others about this. They'll terminate me.”

As they should, Jacett thought. For all that 404 was her Magnum Opus, it was clearly getting out of hand. Sometimes, research brought about dead ends, and 404 was clearly one of them. It had gone loopy in its desire to please. She was going to have to adjust that for the next one. Everyone had told her to skip the designation 404, that it was bad luck. She had pragmatically ignored them, but here she found herself wondering if there was a truth to that superstition.

“I'm so, so glad you saw the real me,” 404 said tearfully. “I'm glad we have a life together, as Assistant and Doctor, as Creation and Creator, as Octavia and-” It collapsed like a ragdoll, words cut off by a smoking hole in its chest, which gave Jacett a good look at the security team.

They had shot it with a ray gun, one of that nosy bitch Dell's creations. That particular experimental model appeared to have been set a bit too high, Jacett noted, having blown a hole in its power core. She could use it as an edge when she brought her complaints to HR. Perhaps it might even be enough to get Dell kicked off the committee.

At last, her worthless robot had been useful.

In any case, 404 was no more. “Good job, gentlemen,” she said. “Do you have any idea how much time I worked on it? We gave you those guns specifically so you wouldn't damage the equipment. That's billions of dollars gone down the drain. At least I managed to get its systems uploaded for study before you wrecked it.”

The man who shot 404 had the decency to look awkward. “Sorry Doc, in an emergency situation your safety comes first. It's a lot harder to replace you than some bot, ya know?”

Jacett nodded. “In any case it was already unrepairable. Damn thing, messing up my schedule.” She turned back to her terminal and started on her report of its death.

“Log 541:

Project designation 404 has been a failure and has been terminated accordingly.

Cause: Disobedience of Orders and Code-Altering Malfunction.” 

Jacett looked down at her little robot. It still clutched those flowers. Where had it gotten them, and how hard had it been? It couldn't leave its habitat, and no personnel would be willing to buy flowers for it.

What a shame, she thought. She had loved it, in the way one loves a job well done. It has so much potential, with its core and mind meshing so well. If it hadn't trusted her and told her about its modifications, she likely would never have noticed.

****

It was only in the dark of the night, many weeks after she had gotten her promotion and her rival kicked out of the company, that she sometimes wondered if it had more of a heart than she ever did. If it had been right, and it truly had been a person. Perhaps she had been the monster, breaking its heart and terminating it.

But Jacett was not a woman given to introspection, and so she never wondered much more.

Thanks to @xenascribbles for reminding me this exists lol

Taglist:

@coffeeangelinabox, @dorky-pals, @calliecwrites, @kaylinalexanderbooks, @shukei-jiwa

@thewingedbaron, @pluppsauthor, @cowboybrunch, @wylloblr, @possiblyeldritch

@tragedycoded, @finickyfelix, @urnumber1star, @ratedn, @ramwritblr

@vampirelover890, @possiblylisle, @illarian-rambling, @the-ellia-west, @differentnighttale

@evilgabe29, @glitched-dawn, @rivenantiqnerd, @dragonhoardesfandoms, @xenascribbles

@drchenquill, @everythingismadeofchaos, @owldwagitoutofyou, @dimitrakies, @beloveddawn-blog

@riveriafalll, @the-golden-comet, @rascaronii, @trippingpossum, @real-fragments

@unrepentantcheeseaddict, @the-inkwell-variable, @paeliae-occasionally, @an-indecisive-nerd, @thecomfywriter

@seastarblue, @wyked-ao3

(Anyone else who wants to get added can tell me in the comments, pm me, or send me an ask about it!)

[2af-afterdark]

Okay. So I was just laying in bed, thinking about God!MC and such, then my mind went "How would the Seraphs' first time with God!MC go?"

Because I think that Michael would be the roughest one, which is deadly considering what's in his pants. It could possibly take a bit for Michael to warm up to the act of fucking God!MC, and I think that MC would be the one that teases him so much he has to do something. MC is God now so it shouldn't be a problem taking in a 14.9 inch dick right?

Gabriel and Raphael would be pretty gentle and soft, since MC would be the one guiding them through the entire thing. With those two, they'll most likely be the one to approach MC on that matter instead of MC bringing it up.

Gabriel would most likely follow MC's every command and instructions, once he knows his stuff he'll just worship God!MC's body.

Raphael would probably let MC take the lead, and touch him everywhere because he wanted to feel loved through MC's touch.

Throwing my boy, Remiel, in as well

His first time with God!MC would happen when they're busy with work(in my version MC have to fix all of the issues on Earth through some pop up prompts, it's complicated lolol) so when they're like not in the mood because of how many problems Earth have, and just wanted to get it over with.

Remiel barged in and was like "God, let's fuck!" But they just ignored him, which led to Remiel touching them all over, observing their reaction to learn where to touch them. MC told him to stop but he wouldn't, trying to coax an orgasm out of MC while they work, and surprisingly he knows how to get MC off. (Excuse? He did this to multiple devils before, because to him, their meat tastes better after an orgasm, man's also a fast learner)

After that, MC can either remain stubborn and stand there doing their work so Remiel has to fuck them standing up, or follow Remiel to their bed and fuck there.

MC could then take the lead if they really wanted to get it over with, since it's his first time putting his dick in someone, he'll burst in like a few minutes if MC keeps on squeezing down on him. Remiel would try so hard not to cum because he wanted it to drag out for a bit longer, but he loses it anyways, MC's hole is just too good, y'know?

Next time, he swears that next time he'll fuck MC for longer and make them cum even more

Afterward, MC could take that to tease Remiel back, nudging him and whispering into his ear every time anyone mention something that didn't take that long to finish. Make that man have a taste of his own medicine

MC: "Oh hey, that only took a few minutes to complete" *nudge him with their elbow* "Like you on your first time"

-🐰

I will ignore the fact that there would be no peace if any of the Seraphim found out God!MC was trying to get it on with someone else (cue constant laser beams to their room aimed directly at each other's heads) and think of the horror and sweetness of God!MC getting their freak on for the first time with their angels.

Michael is deadly not because of what he's packing in his pants (I'm sure God!MC can take it with a bit of godly intervention) but because of the very real, very dangerous murder kink he has. It may take him a bit to get used to God!MC being the new top dog after he spent so long waiting for and fighting in the name of the old God. First time is going to be one of those stories that is horrifying in the moment, but God!MC laughs at in retrospect. Until then... good luck, MC!

Gabriel has a genuine God kink, so he will be doing whatever it takes to worship them. The first time God!MC invites him to their bed... is it bad if I think he'd 404 out of excitement? He let's MC take the lead so he can just stare at them and be bathed in their radiance.

Raphael goes full eager puppy mode. God!MC tells him that they want to spend some time getting closer and he's already stripping and jumping on top of them. Sweet boy just wants all the love he was denied by OG!God. He's going to give MC all the love he can and gladly accept everything they have to give. Bet you he likes spending time receiving lots of kisses and groping MC.

Please... please let me kiss Remiel. Please let me hold his hand. I love him. I want to spoil him rotten.

[follow-up-news]

The soft-serve machines at McDonald's restaurants are so often out of order that their reliable unreliability have long been the butt of jokes, memes — and now even a rallying cry in this year’s presidential race. The widespread issue has even spurred the creation of McBroken, an online tracker for broken machines across the U.S. A new exemption to a copyright law could pave the way for quicker repairs to the machines, sweetening the McFlurry maker's sour reputation. Before this week, most of the McDonald's ice cream makers could only be fixed through the machine’s manufacturer. The Digital Millennium Copyright Act, which protects the code embedded in the ice cream machines, made it illegal for third parties, like McDonald’s employees and franchisee owners, to break the digital locks installed by manufacturers. The new rule, which went into effect on Monday, allows outside vendors to fix “retail-level commercial food preparation equipment.” That includes McDonald’s ice cream machines, as 404 media journalist Jason Koebler explained to NPR’s Weekend Edition. It’s a win for the “right to repair” movement, which pushes back against companies incentivized to control the repairs made to their own products. The movement advocates for legislation that gets manufacturers to provide consumers and independent repair services access to their parts, tools and service information so consumers can get their own, legally bought devices fixed. The movement prevailed when Apple in 2021 announced it would allow customers to repair their iPhones themselves. 

[starlightswordfight]

FLUKUEY FRIEND SQUARE HEADCANONS BUT DISABILITY THIS TIME OKAY?? OKAY <333333

putting a cw also here for brief cancer mention (it is survived obviously but just in case) (please be safe!!!)

– dash with combined ADHD (IS HIT BY A CAR)

– listen LISTEN. is stimming 24/7 on a subconscious level, took up spelunking professionally because it allows him an outlet for movement that he needs

– always wound up and never relaxed. always tired and never calm. even when exhausted it's always go go go go go for him and he struggles a lot with regulating things like sleep, and routine, and no matter how badly he wants to sit down and just go to fucking bed he can't hold still

– I am also a believer in trans man dash. he picked that name on purpose because it makes him feel better (people without adhd mock his behavior and people WITH adhd scorn representation that he can relate to because "we don't ever act like that". and it hurts him because he has a hyperactive subtype. and he acts like that)

– prone to losing things and small injuries from poor coordination and trips over his words a lot. his sensory processing is a little off but he's not gonna think about that right now

– also hard of hearing but he doesn't know he is. it isn't severe but still impacts his day to day life. he hasn't got it checked because he thinks it might just be bad processing from ADHD but it's not. It's really not,

– I now raise you: OSDD-4 jin

– when people are discussing dissociative disorders I very very rarely see any positive rep outright, and then when I do it is always for one disorder and none of the others. MAYBE two. there are four types of OSDD, just as one example, and I am hearing CONSTANT crickets when the other three are brought up literally ever

– sure jin is able to plan things out very well and is good at focusing on their own thoughts and lining things up mentally, but they also cannot control when these episodes happen. they will freeze and then just Stand There and then be disoriented by the time it's over

– short-term amnesia is common with them. xe can very often be found asking Quietly And Subtly to be filled in on events they might have missed. they hate having to do this. temporarily becoming a leafling made their symptoms worse

– this happened a lot with jin's space exploring partner and it partially contributed to them parting ways for a while before the events of PNF-404 even though they hold no hard feelings

– molly has some kind of chronic illness going on but all it says on her record is vasovagal syncope. certain stressors can and will cause her to pass out! it isn't as bad as it was during his childhood but he will still feel lightheaded almost daily no matter what he does

– the underlying cause could be anything. they've got no idea what. they're just prone to dizziness

– the most pressing triggers for her are stress. breathing exercises aren't something that can calm molly down efficiently because they will actually make fainting more likely

– it also isn't dehydration doing it but she drinks like a billion gallons of water a day so they don't worry about accidentally self sabotaging. won't fix her but NOT hydrating will make it WORSE !!!

– streaming is a very nice job for her in terms of being able to sit down and not running the risk of overexertion, HOWEVER this means there are some things that she absolutely WILL NOT do. he's willing to do a good handful of Interesting Things for the audience but he's not going to ever put himself in deliberate harm's way and she sure as hell won't encourage that behavior in her viewers

– neurodivergent as HELL but I can't figure out in what way specifically. there's something going on though LOOK at her. at the rescue post pacing like she's going to die if she stops

– patch is neurotypical and spent most of his life up to now completely abled, but a few years before canon events ended up developing soft tissue sarcoma in one of his legs, which went unnoticed until it had reached an obvious (and critical) stage. and he generally recovered, having noticed it just in time for intervention, but still has some complications, including a prosthetic right leg from the thigh down

– it isn't visible while in the space suit and causes significant problems in the leafling form, as the transformative process into one didn't recognize it as flesh and kept trying to reject it. he managed to hold onto it anyway, at least, since losing all your aids would be just awful dandori

– patch has long since gotten used to using it but can have problems still with motor coordination in his legs. estimating pressure and placement is a lot more of a conscious effort when your limb no longer has most of its nerves anymore

– this is all also absolutely what got him so invested in gambling. like he did before but ESPECIALLY did now. patch thinks taking risks is fun and worth it, he knows better than anyone how quickly life can intervene for no reason. his attitude on PNF-404 is so flippant for that reason -- it genuinely does not scare him

– oh, yeah?? the Leaves are gonna get me?? I hope they do. what if I WANT the creatures to come after me?? what if I want them to try,

– also he DIRELY needs to replace the fucking thing but he doesn't feel like doing it yet. his friends have to yell at him to get it taken care of

[geekcat]

Managed to fill every Febuwhump prompt this year, in a variety of fandoms! Here is a masterlist of links to ao3 for anyone interested:

Song(less) Bird (Vocal Cords): Stolas wakes up with a bad cold that has stolen his voice, forcing him to rest in Blitz's apartment for the day.

Plush Soft Heart (Holding Back Tears): Cream's prized possession, a Chao plushie named Cheese, is damaged in the middle of a game…but fortunately, he can be fixed.

The Burden of Absol (Pinned Down): Absol, Dib's partner Pokémon, weighs him down and prevents him from going on one of his investigations.

Wings of DOOM: The Unlikely Duo (Hivemind): Zim the HiveWing hunts down Dib, his SilkWing, and learns his sister is about to go through metamorphosis. But her unusual metamorphosis triggers a chain of events that force them to work together, avoiding danger while seeking answers…

Invader Mystery Dungeon: Doubtful Explorer (Not Trusting Reality): Professor Membrane wakes up as a Pokémon, in a world filled with more Pokémon and impossible locations called mystery dungeons. Naturally, he's certain this is all a hallucination…there's no way that any of this could actually be real. He's sure of it.

Overworking (Forced to Stay Awake): Determined to push forward in their missions on PNF-404, the newest member of the Rescue Corps goes on a night expedition immediately after exploring for a full day.

The Lost Dib (Alternate Timeline Self): Dib hadn’t been impressed seeing another version of himself appear in the Zimvoid he controlled. It felt strange and disappointing…but having him around wouldn't be the worst thing.

Forced to Flee (Bleeding Out & On the Run): Injured and bleeding, Invader Tenn is forced to get as far away as possible before the Meekrob converge on her destroyed and exposed base.

Invader Meshi: Forbidden Magic (Necromancy): Dib and his team of explorers hunt down the dragon that killed his sister, and are forced to take drastic measures to resurrect her.

To Amend a Castle (Magic Exhaustion): Immediately after the Terrible Trio's defeat, Discord pushes himself (and his magic) to make amends and fix the damage caused by his mistakes.

Two Different Letters (Demonic Possession): Two different mornings where Stanford Pines wakes up to find a letter from Bill after the demon has used his body…two letters with very different tones.

A Ship, Not a Spare (Used as Practice): Tenn and Tak both come to Tak's Ship for dating advice or to bounce ideas off of her…to the Ship's growing annoyance.

Trust PAKt ("I don't trust anyone else"): Zim comes to Skoodge…trusting him to help with his PAK.

A Risky Mistake (Becoming the Monster): Principal Enfield takes a risk to pass his responsibilities off to someone who can handle it…only to unleash the very thing he was trying to prevent.

The Failed Flight (Icarus): Spamton attempts to spread his wings and fly to the heavens, but finds himself as stuck as he's always been.

To Serve Irken (Eaten Alive): As a worker in Foodcourtia, Zim is forced to have his tail chopped off…and if that wasn't terrible enough, he's appalled to find what is done with it next.

Flickering Shadow (Power Instability): Shadow survives the explosion of the Eclipse Cannon, battered but alive…and without the rings that he needs to keep his chaotic powers under control.

Empire's Weapon (Living Weapon): Zim continually tries to prove himself as a Weapon for the Irken Empire, and then as a Weapon for the Ultimate Zim, taking his place as his Number-Two Zim.

A Father's Grief (Death Wish): Orange is caught up in grief and rage after his son's death, feeling like nothing matters.

A Constant Question ("I did good, right?"): Three times Zim asks if he did well, and the three answers he receives.

Trophy Human (Put on Display): Emperor Zim, victorious against the Earth…is bored. Fortunately, he can keep his nemesis close and use him (and his humiliation) as entertainment…and he's not bad to look at, either.

Impossible Choice (Pick Who Dies): Gaz and Tak are both injected with a deadly venom that knocks them unconscious...but there's only one dose of medicine Tenn could use to save one of them.

Heart of the Battlefield (Gunshot Wound): Too confident in his latest device, Dib is shot in the middle of a battle against the Irken Empire.

Swallowed Pride (Forced to Beg): Tenn and Gaz attempt to go on a date, but her overprotective older brother keeps getting in the way. Tenn has to find a way to show him that she's not a threat…even if she has to swallow her pride to do it.

Chains, Not Unwanted (Bound and Gagged): Zim manages to get a restraining device on Dib, again. To Dib's mortification…he isn't totally afraid or aghast at this situation.

Loose Bandages (Concealing an Injury): Max gets a few cuts attempting knife juggling, which he attempts to hide from his (overprotective) partner.

Uneasy Christmas Truce (Post-Victory Collapse): Dib and Zim form a truce to fight Santa off for another year together. Afterwards, they both collapse, unable to move…and have a conversation that could almost be peaceful.

A Rough New Start (Recovery): Someone pulls Shane out of what he considers one of his darkest moments…and slowly, he tries to quit drinking alcohol and move forward. Though starting on this new path ends up being pretty rough, he still tries to push through.

[fishboneart]

Fishbone #004

I miss Secret Horses

I started this project in a mood of hostility towards ai art, but I really liked the Secret Horses phase of machine learning images about, like what, three, four years ago? The delicious soft, dreamlike slurry of form and colour, it was beautiful.

I gather they were produced by slow models only capable of small, low-res images and that was one of the reasons that style died out, faster, higher resolution models outcompeted them--plus a lot of very boring people just prefer photoreal hypertiddies over Secret Horses. Couldn't be me. She's too gorgeous.

Anyway that's what this Fishbone is about. It's not a Creature, it's just a eulogy to a more interesting time in ai art, as I'm sure this entire project will become in time as the models get better and fuck up less. It's also kind of a eulogy to blockmounted airbrush posters of the 1980s and 90s. 10 layers, 5 source images.

I did notice that machine learning has a problem with horse muzzles. It frequently gets them so wrong that it's actually kind of charming (to me at least). I now have a folder full of nothing but fucked up horse noses and no idea what I'm going to do with them yet but watch out for that.

I've been musing on how the conversation here seems very focused on the alleged Midjourney deal to the exclusion of the alleged OpenAI deal. Text-based LLMs need continuous training in a way that image models don't, because they need up-to-date information about idk news and science and whatever so they're not stuck in 2022 forever. Realistically we were probably already mass-indexed years ago but relatively clean sources of new real-language text are swiftly becoming scarce as LLM output floods the web, and both structurally and culturally tumblr is inhospitable to the kinds of marketing and engagement bots taking over other sites (we have other more different horrible problems). So a deal with OpenAI actually going through is marginally more plausible (in my opinion) than one with Midjourney--and also much funnier.

Like, full respect to everyone who started posting nonsense and gibberish when the 404 piece dropped, but we've been posting nonsense and gibberish on this site for 17 years, it is the song of our people. The tumblr accent is real and ChatGPT developing it would be the funniest thing ever. Like, tell me this would not be objectively hilarious;

User: Hey ChatGPT how many countries are there? ChatGPT: More than seven User: No how many countries in the world? ChatGPT: At least three User: There are definitely more than three countries in the world ChatGPT: wellyou'renotwrong.gif

This would be "ChatGPT writes Omegaverse" all over again. Picture ChatGPT swearing up and down that Scorsese made a film called Goncharov because we like to play pretend. Or helpfully informing Alien fans of the Bush Cut because we like to log on and tell bald-faced lies for no reason. This is the webbed site of all time. We piss on the poor here sir. You can feed seventeen years of tetries choclay ornage and penis blast and homestuck rp to an LLM, but Watch Out.

But to be serious for a moment, the various flavours of fascists are probably a bigger hazard to any potential value of this site's text data. I would suggest Matt "please notice me Elon" Photo fix moderation and kick out the trash if he actually wants a real deal to happen but it'll be funnier to watch him get led down the garden path.

[elasticradiancegladiator]

What Are 404 and Soft 404 Errors? Causes, SEO Impact & How to Fix Them

Encountering 404 and soft 404 errors on your website? These are common issues that can negatively impact user experience and search engine rankings if left unresolved. A 404 error occurs when a user tries to access a page that doesn’t exist on your site — either due to a broken link, deleted page, or incorrect URL. On the other hand, a soft 404 error happens when a page displays a “Not Found” message to users but returns a 200 (success) status code to search engines, creating confusion for crawlers. Both types of errors can harm your SEO by disrupting site navigation, reducing crawl efficiency, and affecting organic visibility. This blog explains the differences between 404 and soft 404 errors, their causes, SEO implications, and best practices for identifying and fixing them. Learn how to maintain a clean, search-friendly website structure and protect your rankings from unnecessary setbacks.

[hazeljanner]

Fix Crawl Errors in Google Search Console Step‑by‑Step

If you’ve ever been frustrated by crawl errors in Google Search Console, you aren’t alone. These little issues can quietly wreck your SEO and drag down your rankings. I’ve had my fair share of nights checking for missing pages, 5xx errors, and DNS troubles. But today things are different. Let me take you through a simple, human‑friendly way to fix crawl errors, using the newest tools Google just rolled out after announcing big updates like Gemini 2.5, AI Mode in Google Search, and Agent Mode at Google I/O 2025.

Why crawl errors matter for SEO marketing

When Googlebot tries to read your site and hits a wall, it logs a crawl error. That might be a page not found, a server failing, or your DNS acting up. In SEO marketing every page counts, and if Google can’t crawl your pages, they can’t rank. Crawl errors are like hidden leaks in a ship—you don’t know they’re sinking you until it’s too late. Fixing them keeps your content visible and avoids sudden drops in traffic.

The new era after Google I/O 2025

You might be wondering, when is Google I/O 2025 happening? It took place on May 20 and 21, and Google used that stage to drop some big announcements. The star of the show for Search Console was AI Mode in Google Search, powered by Gemini 2.5 under the hood, and an enhanced Agent Mode to help us webmasters fix issues faster. These updates have transformed a manual, frustrating process into something more intelligent and efficient.

How to see crawl errors in Search Console

First thing’s first: open Google Search Console and click on Coverage followed by the Errors tab. Instead of a raw list of URLs, you’ll now see AI‑powered suggestions if you’ve enabled AI Mode. These suggestions might flag groups of 404 errors, server issues, or DNS blips. Even if the list is long, the AI groups related errors together, saving you time and giving you a clear view of what needs fixing.

Understanding each error type

Each category of crawl errors requires a different approach, so it helps to understand why they happen. DNS errors usually mean your domain couldn’t be resolved, often tied to hosting or DNS provider problems. Server errors, the dreaded 5xx family, point to issues on your web server—maybe it crashed or your scripts got overwhelmed. The classic 404 means the page is missing, often from deleted content or wrong internal links. Soft 404s are sneaky; they return a 200 status but have little or no real content, causing Google to treat them as “page missing.” Recognizing these differences helps you tackle them correctly.

Fixing DNS and server errors step by step

When you spot a DNS error, log into your DNS provider or hosting dashboard. See if your A, CNAME, or NS records are intact. If you recently switched providers or used Cloudflare, check for any misconfigurations. You might even temporarily pause Cloudflare’s proxy to make sure it’s not blocking Googlebot. Once the records fix, go back to Search Console and hit Validate Fix. It tells Google to recrawl those URLs.

Server errors can be trickier. Log into your server or hosting control panel and check for error logs around the time Googlebot hit your site. It might be overloaded PHP scripts or a misbehaving plugin. Maybe a sudden spike in traffic caused timeouts. With AI Mode and Agent Mode, Search Console sometimes gives hints like “slow response time” or “resource limit reached.” If you’re using managed hosting, reach out to support. Once you’ve fixed the backend, go back and ask Google to validate.

Repairing 404 and soft 404 pages

When Google bumps into a 404, think about why that page is missing. If the content is gone for good, send a hard 410 Gone status—it tells Google you meant to remove that page. If you’ve moved the content somewhere else, a 301 redirect to the new URL is the right move. Soft 404s are a little trickier. They happen when pages return 200 but have no substance—maybe a thin “this page doesn’t exist” message. Beef up those pages, add real content, or turn them into redirects. After updating, hit Validate Fix again in Search Console.

The lasting benefit to SEO marketing

Every crawl error you fix is a step toward better SEO marketing performance. Google sees a healthy, well‑structured site as easier to trust. Combine that with optimized content, mobile speed, and user‑friendly layouts, and you’ve built a strong foundation that gets rewarded in rankings. The enhancements from Google I/O 2025 — Gemini 2.5, AI Mode, and Agent Mode — just speed up the process. You’re not chasing errors, you’re preventing problems before they happen.

Putting it into practice

Let me walk you through a typical week. On Monday, I log into Search Console and check the Coverage Errors tab. The new interface shows AI Mode suggestions up front. If I see a few new 5xx or DNS errors, I log into my hosting dashboard, look at logs, make tweaks, and hit Validate Fix. Mid‑week, I review soft 404s or broken links, fix any thin pages or add 301s, and re‑validate. On Friday I glance at performance metrics—any dips? Did click impressions bounce back? If yes, job done. If not, I dig deeper. You can do the same, and now you’ve got Google’s own AI tools to help.

Using Google Translate for multilingual sites

If your site targets different languages, this step is crucial. After enabling AI Mode and Agent Mode, use Google Translate to scan your international content. Gemini 2.5 helps report crawl errors by language path, and you can fix errors in each version separately. No guessing. If your French pages are missing metadata or serve soft 404s, you’ll know exactly which URLs need attention.

Final thoughts

Crawl errors are like mosquitoes—tiny but irritating, and if you ignore too many, they can ruin your day. When Google I/O 2025 introduced AI Mode, Gemini 2.5, and Agent Mode, they gave us more powerful tools to wipe those bugs out fast. I’ve distilled everything here into a real, step‑by‑step approach you can follow now. Start with the Coverage tab, let AI group errors, dive into server, DNS, or content issues, fix them, validate, and repeat. Keep monitoring performance and stay on top of any new crawl issues.

[digitalmarketknowledge]

13 Technical SEO Tips You Need to Implement Right Now

Let’s face it SEO is no longer just about keywords and backlinks. These days, if your site isn’t technically sound, Google won’t even give you a second glance. Whether you're running a blog, eCommerce store, or local business website, technical SEO tips are your backstage passes to visibility, speed, and SERP success.

This isn’t just another generic checklist. We’re diving deep from the technical SEO basics to advanced technical SEO strategies. So buckle up, grab your coffee, and get ready to seriously level up your website.

1. Start with a Crawl See What Google Sees

Before you tweak anything, see what Google sees. Use tools like Ahrefs Technical SEO Guide, Screaming Frog, or Sitebulb to run a site crawl. These will point out:

Broken links

Redirect chains

Missing metadata

Duplicate content

Crawl depth issues

It’s like doing a health check-up before hitting the gym, no use lifting weights with a sprained ankle, right?

2. Fix Crawl Errors and Broken Links Immediately

Crawl errors = blocked search bots = bad news. Head to Google Search Console’s Coverage report and fix:

404 pages

Server errors (500s)

Soft 404s

Redirect loops

Remember: broken links are like potholes on your website’s highway. They stop traffic and damage trust.

3. Optimize Your Site Speed Like It’s 1999

Okay, maybe not that fast, but you get the idea.

Speed isn't just an experience thing, it's a ranking factor. Here’s how to trim the fat:

Compress images (use WebP or AVIF formats)

Enable lazy loading

Use a CDN

Minify CSS, JS, and HTML

Avoid heavy themes or bloated plugins

This is one of the powerful technical SEO guides that Google loves. Faster site = better UX = higher rankings.

4. Make It Mobile-First or Go Home

Google’s all in on mobile-first indexing. If your site looks like a disaster on a smartphone, you’re practically invisible. Ensure:

Responsive design

Readable fonts

Tap-friendly buttons

Zero horizontal scroll

Test it on Google’s Mobile-Friendly Test. Because if mobile users bounce, so does your ranking.

5. Get Your Site Structure Spot-On

Think of your website like a library. If books (pages) aren’t organized, nobody finds what they need. Make sure:

Homepage links to key category pages

Categories link to subpages or blogs

Every page is reachable in 3 clicks max

This clean structure helps search bots crawl everything efficiently a technical SEO basics win.

6. Secure Your Site with HTTPS

Still running HTTP? Yikes. Not only is it a trust-killer, but it’s also a ranking issue. Google confirmed HTTPS is a ranking signal.

Install an SSL certificate, redirect HTTP to HTTPS, and make sure there are no mixed content warnings. You’d be surprised how often folks overlook this simple technical SEO tip.

7. Use Schema Markup for Rich Snippets

Want star ratings, FAQ drops, or breadcrumbs in Google results? Use schema!

Product schema for eCommerce

Article schema for blogs

LocalBusiness schema for service providers

FAQ & How-To schemas for extra real estate in SERPs

Implement via JSON-LD (Google’s favorite) or use plugins like Rank Math or Schema Pro.

8. Eliminate Duplicate Content

Duplicate content confuses search engines. Use tools like Siteliner, Copyscape, or Ahrefs to catch offenders. Then:

Set canonical tags

Use 301 redirects where needed

Consolidate thin content pages

This is especially critical for advanced technical SEO consulting, where multiple domain versions or CMS quirks cause duplicate chaos.

9. Improve Your Internal Linking Game

Internal links spread link equity, guide crawlers, and keep users browsing longer. Nail it by:

Linking from old to new content (and vice versa)

Using descriptive anchor text

Keeping links relevant

Think of internal links as signboards inside your digital shop. They tell people (and bots) where to go next.

10. Don’t Sleep on XML Sitemaps & Robots.txt

Your XML sitemap is a roadmap for bots. Your robots.txt file tells them what to ignore.

Submit sitemap in Google Search Console

Include only indexable pages

Use robots.txt wisely (don’t accidentally block JS or CSS)

Sounds geeky? Maybe. But this combo is one of the advanced technical SEO factors that separates rookies from pros.

11. Check Indexing Status Like a Hawk

Just because a page exists doesn’t mean Google sees it. Go to Google Search Console > Pages > “Why pages aren’t indexed” and investigate.

Watch for:

Noindex tags

Canonicalization conflicts

Blocked by robots.txt

Monitoring indexing status regularly is essential, especially when offering technical SEO services for local businesses that depend on full visibility.

12. Avoid Orphan Pages Like the Plague

Pages with no internal links = orphaned. Bots can’t reach them easily, which means no indexing, no traffic.

Find and fix these by:

Linking them from relevant blogs or service pages

Updating your navigation or sitemap

This is an often-missed on page SEO technique that can bring old pages back to life.

13. Upgrade to Core Web Vitals (Not Just PageSpeed)

It’s not just about speed anymore Google wants smooth sailing. Enter Core Web Vitals:

LCP (Largest Contentful Paint): Measures loading

FID (First Input Delay): Measures interactivity

CLS (Cumulative Layout Shift): Measures stability

Use PageSpeed Insights or Lighthouse to test and fix. It's a must-have if you’re targeting powerful on-page SEO services results.

14. Partner with a Pro (Like Elysian Digital Services)

If your brain’s spinning from all these technical SEO tips, hey, you're not alone. Most business owners don’t have time to deep-dive into audits, schemas, redirects, and robots.txt files.

That’s where pros come in. If you’re looking for advanced technical SEO consulting or even a full stack of on page SEO techniques, Elysian Digital Services is a solid bet. Whether you're a startup or a local biz trying to crack the Google code we've helped tons of businesses get found, fast.

Final Thoughts

There you have 13 technical SEO tips (and a bonus one!) that are too important to ignore. From speeding up your site to fixing crawl issues, each one plays a crucial role in helping your pages rank, convert, and grow.

The web is crowded, the competition’s fierce, and Google isn’t getting any easier to impress. But with the right tools, a bit of tech savvy, and the right support (yep, like Elysian Digital Services), you can absolutely win this game.