Tumgik
#for myself as a bit of a mental break so I can work on the Fairy Tale Collection properly lol
Text
Vermeil Adoration
Fierce Deity x Implied Deity Reader (can be Linked Universe or not) Drabble
Me, working on Act IIII and Act V of the LU Fairy Tale Collection: Alright so if we do this with slightly more sleep on us and figure a few things out for First I think it should be good to go-
Also Me: *remembers that because of the nature of the Fairy Tale Collection FD will be missing, is immediately assaulted with an idea, sighs, opening up a new WIP* You know what I'll come back to that, I can't not write for him if he's going to be left out.
For the FD Simps/lovers plus myself as I work on the Fairytale Collection, want to post two chapters at once and also crosspost on Ao3 plus life's been busy, apologies for the delay.
You were created from the breath of life itself.
You are the divinity found in the howling of winds cutting through the woods, the snarling of lightning down to the earth, attempting to touch something it may not have and scorch it so deeply new growth would flourish in a maddened frenzy, the sunlight kissing the ice tenderly though it may never do more than bring the crystalizing to shine, tears dripping knowingly from it's cold gaze as the water turns to rain, watering the land in it's unknowable grief in the closest way it could ever touch the sun in the sky. The joyful sound of wolves singing the moon's beauty with their howls, the birds merrily carrying the melody ever onwards so the sun may also partake of it, gleeful frolicking of fawns and foals discovering the world that the Golden Three left in their wake, the symphony of every animal and nature itself at it's finest.
You look at life itself and find divinity in everything.
So by the nature Farore so lovingly made sure you'd have, one would think you and the one hylians, hyruleans and beasts had dubbed 'The Fierce Deity' would never be able to coexist.
You've heard the one's watched over by your sister in divinity, ever watchful time herself with her diamond wings and gaze who pierced to the end of eternity itself with Nayru's patience whisper in primal terror and avarice drenched loathing about him to the trees in every corner of the land, heard beasts under the watch of death and rot himself curse his name to the winds and rain with as much ferocity and fury induced fear as the restless whispers of those denied existence, your brother in eternity with his shell of obsidian and the flames of Din's desire of consumption ever burning in his gaze daring not cross where the ivory and jade forged spirit passed. And of the horror and wonderment of your wild beings as they've hissed and howled and growled and screeched to the flowers and stones of nature.
A man like the hunt itself, divine without the vermeil breath of the primordial ones. The unrelenting slash of the blizzard gales in winter against any unfortunate to stand in their way, leaving the cold emptiness and silence behind, stealing the air from the lungs of living beings like the ocean for those unfortunate enough to fall with no sign of land. An ivory specter of death whom seemingly clawed himself from the void, an harbinger for the End with seemingly no rhyme or reason for those who he set his sights into, either to devour their divinity for himself or favor or bless.
A being like that should have been anathema to all you are and stand for. Or at least it's what anyone, including your divine sister and brother would reason.
Which is why you couldn't help but find it slightly comedic that the so called 'awful beast', capable of enacting such violence to consume divinity on a whim if tested. Was so very careful with you, head laid upon your lap in a rare moment of rest as you carefully weaved flowers into a crown.
You were curious, awfully so, like the foxes who roamed your woods in search of amusement and play, you just couldn't help yourself. You knew he was coming, how could you not, when the primal fear of living things echoed in the back of your mind, warning you as it warned animals of a bigger predator in the food chain? But you didn't run. Not in the face of narrowed, calculating pale eyes and alabaster hair and the scent of iron in the air, thick and old you couldn't mistake it for anything but blood and the marrow deep certainty of a lonsdaleite persistence.
Maybe you should of, in hindsight.
Instead you just blinked with evergreen curiosity, fascination bleeding from your lips before you could even think of stopping yourself, head tilted.
"My. Rumors are certainly exaggerated, you're beautiful."
The memory of his bewildered, flustered caution makes you smile a bit, as everything in between flowed naturally like spring petals on a breeze. You feel an armored hand on your cheek, so, so soft and careful, as if you were as fragile as a flower, and a calm, relaxed rumble of tourmaline lazy curiosity and aquamarine fondness, "Anything on your mind, my breath?"
You couldn't help your chuckle, emerald fondness running around the mosaic of your divinity as you gently run your hand through starlit hair, nuzzling the hand on your cheek and hoping to convey even half the warmth he gave you, "Reminiscing, worry not. Rest a bit more before you must go." You hear him sigh as you place the flower crown on his head, as pale as his hair, but as delicate as your sister in divinity's wings, threaded pthalo like the flame of his existence.
"... Must I? I was late this time, it's only proper I redeem myself for making you wait." He questions, reluctant and guilty in equal measure, fondness blooms over your lungs as you poke his nose, smiling bright, if dim as you answer him, "I'd dare not attempt to deny you your nature, I do not know what you hunt, what you're searching for. But it would be cruel to chain you."
The man many had dubbed 'Fierce Deity' nuzzles into your hand, nestling in close like a wolf over catch, you catch the hints of a frown on his face, "It's hardly chaining when I wish to stay, is it?"
Your breath almost is trapped in your lungs, but you shake yourself out of it, chuckling as you brush your lips over his markings, crimson affection as the carmine and lapis lazuli of his Hunt. The cheek of this man, for that's what you all are in the end, divinity or not, "Maybe not, though for all you rest here with me you still itch to run and hunt. Do you not, my dear warrior?"
The silence is only broken by the whispers of the leaves of the woods carried by the wind and the curious chirping of birds, his unwavering moonlit gaze giving away nothing. And it tells you enough.
You smile, brushing your noses together, spring breeze playful and sun warm, "If you're that worried, then just come back earlier, if you can. I'll have something new for you to look at, and I'll always wait. We have time."
In a flash, you find your positions reversed, your back and hair to the flowers and your wonderful, ever mischievous hunter above you, you yelp and you can't help but laugh before the sound is stolen by his lips. And he cradles your cheeky gently, so very kindly, and when he leans back he looks at you as if you're the first glimpse of water for a man in the desert, or the way a wolf longingly looks at the moon, and it cracks the phosphophylite of your soul and fills it with the gilded gold of emerald love, "... Thank you. I will not keep you waiting long again. I shall remain for now, though. The call can wait."
I love you. I want to stay with you.
"I know." Your hands gently thread through his hair, gleeful as you notice the rare curve of a smile as his cap lays abandoned in the glass, but your flower crown remains, "Be safe, when you do go. I'd be lovely if something happened."
I love you too.
He shakes his head, giving you an unimpressed look, "I cannot be harmed in any way that matters."
You fondly roll your eyes, pressing your index and middle finger to your lips, then touching it lightly against his own, he all but freezes. You refuse to allow him to distract you with admittedly charming affection, and you take the opportunity to tug him into your arms, shifting your positions so you can utilize him as a pillow, safer than you ever felt in your many eons of existence, more comfortable than the stars painting the canvas of the sky with their dance, "Promise me you'll be safe, and you can claim what's yours once you're back. For now I tire of your stubbornness."
You feel his chest rumble, maybe a laugh, maybe a purr or a growl, but he holds you close, steady and lovelier than even the world the goddesses created. "As you wish, my dearest blossom."
You both fall asleep to the songs of nature, you know he'll hunt again, you know he'll be gone soon like late night mist. But for now, a promise for an eternity of this, like how the mortals speak of, is enough.
99 notes · View notes
apocalypticdemon · 2 months
Text
I am so beyond ready to quit this job. Wednesday cannot come fast enough.
#to be fair it's bc school starts again in a few weeks#but idk. every day at this office feels like sandpaper on my skin. people always ask me shit i dont understand#and every case is so individual there's no set checklist to follow to troubleshoot#so most of the time I just grind my gears and get stuck#it'd busy more days than not.#and it was advertised to me as data entry only. client interactions was not what i signed up for.#it's all client interaction.#we're short staffed so nobody gets to take the back office and have a break.#when we weren't short staffed i was the new guy and only got 1 day in the back a week while everyone else got 2.#all my coworkers are conservative but talk like they're apolitical.#i thought it'd be fulfilling bc im helping people get benefits#but many are rude or impatient as any other service job. I'm constantly trying to direct people that don't want to listen#or explain the intricacies of something i barely understand.#and i don't want to lead people astray bc you have to start over if you blow a deadline.#but there's just nothing redeeming that i enjoy.#i hate customer service. i hate constantly asking questions. i like seldom few of my coworkers.#i can't be me at work.#and i don't care about the work itself anymore.#this job made me cry every day for weeks last month from sheer stress and overstimulation.#i almost cried myself sick several times.#the only reason I'm not there anymore is bc i dont fucking care anymore.#it took me 2 months to burn out. 2 months!#i was training for half of that!!#idk. everyone decided i was smart and could pick it up quickly so. even though everyone else got 4-6 weeks of shadowing#you can make do with 3 before you start doing stuff solo.#which feels unfair. i wasn't ready for it. and i resent the decision quite a bit.#plus it's been a nightmare for me in terms of external stressors and my generally deteriorating mental health. so.#all in all. i hate it here.#and i can't wait to turn in my notice so i can gtfo in 2 weeks#i am so tired. free me. let me go back to my music please
7 notes · View notes
Text
I am just so tired of everything but I can't do anything about it
#I can change this situation if I work hard and sincerely....but I just.... can't?#I just feel more physically tired day by day and it feels like I am being lazy and not trying hard enough#But I just. Can't.#Like one surface level I do understand it's just that I am not in a really good place mentally but sometimes it just feels so...bad#I don't know. I have been feeling a lot of unpleasant feelings towards people I though I loved and cared about and it is really troubling m#And then there's this situation of me just not being good enough. And it's so frustrating#I just. There's this person who I have been really envying for a while. I felt very guilty to admit it but I don't know man. Especially whe#I can't bring myself to completely envy and dislike them out of pettiness....it just feels so Wrong And Bad#But I don't know....why do I feel like I can't do anything about this when I can if I try#Why can't I just try to change this. Change myself#I am surrounded by people who support me always....yet I can't do better and I can't do ENOUGH#It just.I don't know. On one hand I wish I was better because I do have a bit of an ego and I want to relish that feeling of winning#On the other hand....I want people who I love to be proud of me.#But I can't because I am too lazy for this can I#It's like I've hit this slump and I can't get out of it#I've tried so much to get out of it....everyone around me tells me not to let myself get too deep into whining and negative emotions and#give up...but man is it so fucking hard not to. It makes me loathe myself that#I feel like running away from my responsibilities when I don't even carry them out. I haven't done shit to feel like I need a break#I don't know I just really am dissatisfied and disappointed with my current self now.#N rambles
9 notes · View notes
lovsome · 10 months
Text
>:(
#i need to vent a little im sorry pls ignore this if u are bothered by my thoughts#SH tw !!!!!!#this morning i was supposed to have my weekly therapy session but i had to cancel bc my mom got covid and obviously stayed home from work#and i do online therapy and i didnt feel comfortable doing it with my mom around but i really needed to do it tbh#and then my professor replied to my email with all of the things ive been working on since august and didnt say anything about the material#he just asked to call me on the phone tomorrow and i started to spiral…. like Spiral with a capital s#even now thinking about it my stomach sinks bc i have this feeling that his feedback is going to be negative and i just know my#barely existent self esteem is going to break and idk what im gonna do with myself then#this afternoon while i was spiraling all i wanted to do was /hurt/ myself. i kept thinking that i wasnt good enough and i had done a#horrible job.. so bad that he couldnt even tell me by email but needed to do it on the phone and i felt like throwing up and i couldnt get#/​that/ thought out of my head and i could only cry#and all of this not even actually knowing what my professors feed back is going to be because this is just all in my head#but i was talking to my school friends and they were like oh its gonna be fine even if he doesnt like it u can still put the project in ur#portfolio hes not even our professor anymore and so on#and i kept saying that i knew that but i just could not handle that sort of feedback and rejection mentally#i was telling them that i knew i would crumble if i got real negative feedback and i was terrified of that and they just couldnt get it and#idk it made me feel really lonely#im a bit calmer now but i feel so depressed#i am really anticipating something that will hurt really bad
8 notes · View notes
dogearedheart · 2 months
Text
8i've been thinking about the last asks i got today. and i think it's better for me to take a step back from this account. i know the anon didn't mean anything by it, but i still feel like i am being a negative presence on here and weirding people out with who i am is nothing i want. so, i am not deleting or anything. i am just gonna be less present with sharing personal things or leaving tags. I'll probably be more active on my second account where i don't have that many followers :)
#i guess it affected me more than i'd like to#i don't want to make people uncomfortable#and i am sorry if i did that with any of my posts i know they have been overly emotional and maybe a bit insane#it's true that i am trying to deal with losing and finding peace i am not very good at this due to my intense emotions#and my fear of loneliness and losing people. i am also in a very bad depressive episode. i am aware that this isn't an excuse for any#of my behavior. i never had a support system so dealing with all this on my own and getting no therapist who is willing to see you#it's a downer. guilt is eating me alive and my mental condition is the something that has ruined a lot for me but it has never before done#such a terrible job before. recovering from that and dealing with the aftermath of this is exhausting and has taken a toll on my physical#and mental health i know this post doesn't mean anything to most of all and is at best confusing but i guess it's my poor attempt#of avoiding that people will hate me. i don't want to self-pity more than i already did. but i do that all on my own already.#i know that life is so much more difficult than fiction and you can't expect miracles or believe in faith to fix anything#i know there is no cure to who i am. i can only try to navigate it better in the future. it doesn't mean that i can't regret what i did.#that i can't feel guilty about it. i know that won't change anything but i am also trying to get better and i understand if that's not#visible. i just have to believe that one day it will be enough for people to say 'hey. i know you are fucked up.#and you hurt me and you've been a bitch. but we'll work on it. i believe in you.' otherwise i have to believe that this loneliness#is all there is and that i'm gonna die hollow#i don't want much. i just want some patience and peace#i want to believe that i am worthy of love and that i can get a future. and yes. me talking about wanting a wife and this stupid apple pie#life... maybe it's cliche and stupid but i have been alone for years and i am so tired of fighting. is it so bad that i don't want to do#this alone? and that goes for friends as well. i want to cook for people built things and tend to a garden to take care of animals#and to create instead of destroying for once.#i don't know why i am still writing i guess when the dam breaks... again. i am sorry for ever making people uncomfortable or even hurting#them that was never my intention. i promise#so i really hope. whoever is reading this. i hope you are doing alright. i hope you had/have a good day. tell the people you care about#you love them and enjoy the little things. read that book. eat that chocolate or do whatever brings you joy. the world is so difficult to#navigate but you are doing such a great job by just existing. you are making this world a better place with the light you radiate#the last thing I want to do something I never can forgive myself for is hurting people#not only but especially the ones I care about. but beyond that those I barely know too because I care about you guys too#I just don't want that... I want to leave the world better than I found it but I'm having a hard time doing it due to this stupid fucking#brain of mine.
2 notes · View notes
exopelagic · 11 months
Text
yeah I have more to say
#I think priest was right when he said I wanted a lot and it’s more than I can have bc I’ve taken more than I can handle#I’ve been trying to say yes to things which is all well and good but I’ve been out every night this week between hockey and friends#this week has lasted six months#and at the same time Tuesday was a few hours ago#and at all times there is so much I’m not doing.#as always it’s partially an issue of wasted time bc ive been getting up late and struggling to work in my room#but I also still haven’t recovered from the cold mentally or physically and it put me so behind#which was now two weeks ago god#somehow only two weeks#.but also two fucking weeks that’s so long#and I’m still trying to be gentle w myself but that doesn’t work but i also know I’m being too harsh on myself all the time#I don’t know what to do with any of this#I think temporarily I might stop Doing Things and just have time for me to get myself back together and slow down a bit bc it’s way too much#I think I’m just really horribly overwhelmed by everything and it’s built up to a breaking point#so this weekend I’m not gonna go out and see anyone I’m gonna stay in or go to the library and finish my work#have a goddamn cup of tea before I go to bed#I need to go to the shop and cook at some point but that can be basics for now because as much as I’d like to do the pie thing#maybe leave it until I’m more together so I’m not worried abt Extra things. I think temporary goal is to minimise the number of things#I really want to cry and just have it out but I’m teetering on the like. wanting to cry feeling instead of pushing over#this is a jump but I’m so tired of prioritising everyone else’s feelings#I realised tonight when I’m playing I’m always holding myself back a little to let other people do shit#and it’s not even like I’m holding back bc I’m good. I’m just letting other people do stuff bc I think they deserve it more#and when we had Shit happen I took on talking everyone down and making sure they were all okay#and then that whole weekend after I was completely fucked I couldn’t Do Anything#even with ms main character I’ve been stroking her ego do she doesn’t blow up completely and fuck stuff up for Everyone#maybe. just maybe my feelings are also important and I’m allowed to have shit not be my problem like everyone else#I think I’m going to bed it’s 2:40#I’m gonna try prioritise myself just a little tiny bit more#luke.txt
1 note · View note
teruthecreator · 1 year
Text
one of those things i’ve had to reteach myself w writing is setting smaller, much more digestible goals so that i’m not constantly risking burnout
3 notes · View notes
pepprs · 2 years
Text
alt*rnative spr*ng br*ak day 1. i need to be on campus in 3.5 hours. i have packed nothing and have done no laundry. i have not prepared for any of the facilitation i need to do today. i am experiencing physical symptoms of anxiety and burnout ♥️
#this is my first time ever doing an in person asb and also my first time being part of the asb planning process and i am soooooo nervous and#unprepared and overwhelmed. and i volunteered myself as the staff member staying at the hotel making sure no one gets into trouble and#responding to crises / emergencies if they arise and i may be assigning more importance / weight to that role than there actually is given T#that they are all college students and i am less than a year removed from being a college student myself. but i am so nervous i want to#redacted. and i am not prepared for the situations that might arise. at all whatsoever. lollllll#purrs#btw unlike the retreat tag or the conferences im name dropping asb bc like every school has them and a lot of schools have spring break this#week. so i am not doxxing myself 😈 (and i didn’t need to tell u that but im doing it lol. aaaaand post)#delete later#also the amount of stress i have been under lately w work is like. actually insane and we are not getting a break (though i should take one#lol) but after this is over i will have my life back a little bit maybe and i hate to say im looking forward to it so much but i am. i just#want to rest and recover. it’s literaly been nonstop since we were abandoned in july (lol) and i feel so crushed by the weight of everything#we’ve been carrying and how much responsibility i have had to take on in my FIRST YEAR!!!!!!!!! and i would’ve gone crazy if i hadn’t takej#on big responsibilities ofc bc of my mental illness <3 but the impostor syndrome + the relentlessness intensifying every single day are just#so so so heavy to carry. and i can feel my mind and body and heart giving out but i have to keep pushing forward
6 notes · View notes
gibbearish · 2 years
Text
tells my boyfriend im overwhelmed lately bc ive had 0 alone time for almost a full month now bc we have a friend staying with us until we can get set up in the new house and he goes "oh yeah that sucks im sorry :(( but hey soon ill be working till 10 every night just like (roommate) so whenever we both work youll have most of the day to urself!" i go hide in the closet come out to make a drink and he sits in the kitchen and silently watches me make the drink the entire time
#i get youre trying to help but im going to fucking explode#oh boy a couple hours to myself several days from now thatll surely fix the breakdown im literally currently going through#and i have to go grocery shopping because roommate ate all the food while we were gone and cant afford to get more so i have to#do rhat tomorrow because theres Fuckinf Nothing in the house and im the only one who actually does the groceries right#have to get my tires rotated get my oil changed probably get new tires entirely#im mentally exploding from a -100 social battery and he sits there w#just STARING at me making my drink fuck off!!! literally the whole reason its overwhelmning me is because i NEED soace to Just Exist#without thinking about how im being perceived or how the way i exist effects others this is the opposite of helping i just want to#fucking rest#and theres so much more to do stil it never fucking stops not even for a second#just leave me ALONE stop touching me stop looking at me stop thinking about me stop BEING HERE ALL THE TIME#we just got back from an 8 day trip to canada where we literally spent 24/7 together only excluding bathroom breaks you dont need to#keep staring at me just ignore me for a little bit or just go AWAY#and he always chews with his mouth open and usually i can deal with it but especially now its like. even if were not directly interacting#i still have to just Be Aware Of You Near Me and i need a break#even the days ill have to myself later arent gonna do much because roommate doesn't wake up for work until like 3 but#i wake up around 10 and since its a studio i have to just Sit Quietly In The Dark for hours until they wake up until they finally leave#and then i get what maybe 5-6 hours alone? which like i do Need but its not fucking enough#thats good for a regular time when i have lther alone time as well not just my One Source#EVEN LITTLE THINGS earlier i started boiling water for a cup of soup and travis is like oh sweet grab me one tlo#and im not mad about getting him soup thats easy its just. that i cant do a thing for mtself without it becoming a group activity#and then he poured my water for me without asking which is nice but i like to put a certain amount of water so now mines too watery and#but i couldnt say no cause hed already done it and i cant get mad because thats a dumb thing to get mad about and im#already irritable so i dont want to make him feel bad at all but its just like. just leave me alone please#im trying so hard not to be resentful or let little things get to me but im just so. tired
5 notes · View notes
mayspicer · 23 days
Text
Mmm nothing like a good old full blown panic attack, I haven't had one in years. This time at least I have access to medication to make it stop a lot faster, but I have 6 pills left for the next 2,5 months and the recent trends in my mental state are not looking good.
#majek says shit#very bad year and VERY BAD week#had a new friend over for a few days and they had and encounter with an absolute bed bug infestation a couple days earlier#took all precautions they could and were very serious about the whole thing but were paranoid#something bit my bf on the knee literally the day after she left and we're in overdrive now#I say it's a mosquito because that night there was one in the house that I couldn't cath#but he says thats not how his body reacts to mosquitoes. I'm keeping myself in denial to preserve the little mental health I have left#my body decided that the stress will manifest as itchy hives which is great#we moved everything to my room and I'm going insane#I need my own space to live with someone and we even slept separately for like 2 years because it's better for sleep quality#and now we sleep together which is pretty nice and nicer than I remembered but also I have literally no space mental or physical#I'm unemployed and he works from home#we moved the tv to watch movies in bed and everything is taking so much physical space. my personal space#the house is a mess and my life is a mess and everything seems hopeless#I'm having... anxiety attacks? first once a week now every day. I always thought they were like milder panic attacks#they kinda are. as in they are shorter. and actually about something not the undescribed “watch out!”#but severity is like a panic attack was compressed into a few seconds which feel like I'm standing on the edge of a void pulling me in#it's physical. I have to physically hold on to something or move my body vigorously as if I'm shuffling away#and it lasts literally seconds and I'm fine-ish#my psychiatrist heard about it happening once a week and wrote me a prescription (?) to go to psychiatric hospital#not to stay there but for intensive 5-6h daily three month therapy#and after that visit I started having these attacks daily I think because it got to me that I'm Not Ok#it all started when I started on my new antidepressants and they are helping... but I'm afraid they are breaking something else...#I'm scared that they are#but so much is happening#unemployed for a year. my industry is going to shit. lost my friend who made sure to give me a big package of toxic waste as a farewell gift#so I have no support from anyone who even remotely understands me#unemployment means rejection over and over because I'm trying...#and this week exhausted me socially on top of everything. and the bed bugs threat. it's good I at least have xanax when it gets like today#oh also I'm turning 30 in a month. this is going to be great for job opportunities I can feel it
0 notes
be-good-to-bugs · 7 months
Text
i NEED to take a break from work
#the bin#:/ hhhhh.#well. i think i can take a break in the second half of march#if my next paycheck is big enough and my sister pays me back soo like she said she would then i will request like 10 days off#im tryna get my life fixed. it was doing ok for a bit but my apartment being a mess makes it hard#im gonna try to get that fixed asap. i was preoccupied with a new source of stress this past week but its gone now i think#idk. there was time recently when i was cooking food nearly every day even thevdays i worked and being more functional and i wanna#get back to that but my apartment is just too big a mess for me to do it#well. hopefully i can actually do it. i always feel like work is gonna totally drain me but my job is really ok#idk why i so often have this stress reaction to going to work :/ its so stupid#i dont wanna use my requested time off just to clean so i wanna get stuff cleaned before i take time off#i just really need a mental health break. im dealing with way too much stuff and i need a preplanned proper break#theres so much stuff im tryna fix. i hate having all this mess on top of it. i hate that my sister just completely ditched me and left it#for me to clean up myself#i wanna be completely free of her altogether#i wanna focus on fixing my weird brain issues. not all this trash. hhhh.w#i wanna ditract myslef but my brain is like incapable of enjoying anything without making me feel weird. i hate it. i git into some stuff#more recently and my brain did the thing again where it makes me feel cringe for it. why?? i hate it so much. thinsg are either boring to me#or i REALLY like them and my brain makes me feel weird abt it. i just wanna escape from reality but my brain makes it so hard to
0 notes
artemis-moon101 · 9 months
Text
me an my sister have so many parallels to ccrime its scaring me. i learned nothing.
1 note · View note
afternines · 1 year
Text
I HAVE TO LAUGH I HAVE TO LAAUGGGGFHFH
#when i dropped out of school and started working somehow everything started being easier#my social anxiety got soooo much better . my depression got so much better and i wasnt stressed at any giving time and i thought#that maybe all my mental health problems were just a direct consequence of me being undiagnosed nd in an environment that expected too much#from me without offering accommodations for me to reach those goal#like work is still tiring and overstimulating at times but theres no deadlines!!! i dont have to bend n break my back to get certain tasks#done!!!!! like i have a package of tasks i just loop through and i can plan in my own days and weeks and decide what i will be doing when#and how and theres no wrong or right system of doing things as long as the result is just what my boss wishes for and im AUGDHDGFH im so#lucky to be here#To get back to the point im trying to make tho.#as i left an environment that just wasnt good for me and entered another environment that somehow did wonders to my mental health i rlly#thought i would find peace from now on. Like id still get upset and sad or whatever like non mentally ill people do too#but it wouldnt be to an extent anymore where i wanna hurt myself or disappear forever#and for a bit more than a year everything was good!!!!! started to think i made up all my mental problems tbh#but lately things have been so tuff . i havent been this depressed in years#and like i can still physically do things . i can still go to work and clean my room and take showers and whatnot#but im so exhausted. and i keep crying all the time and i feel like everyone hates me for being so . depressed and i cannot physically do#the one thing i love doing (drawing) like nothing i try comes out good enough which just makes me cry again lol#and i dont . i dont understand it#bc i removed all (most?) of the factors that were making me this mentally nauseous and i was supposed to feel better . i was supposed to fee#good now. but i feel like im back at uni sitting on my bed crying over my notebooks trying to cram all the paragraphs into my head not#understanding why i cant remember anything for my classes . why its easy for everyone but me#everything always seems easy for everyone but me#i really dont understand#is this really a part of me . will i really always be this miserable and insecure? will i always hate myself and not feel enough?#im still the same person i was before i just wear different clothes#my body grows but i just dont grow up
1 note · View note
gallusrostromegalus · 7 months
Note
hi i see that you have much smart dog experience. i may have accidentally purchased such a dog. she's only 10 weeks, and ive had her 1, and she's already outmatched every puzzle feeder i got or have made. to the point that she is morosely disappointed when her food comes in an actual food bowl. do you know where i can find like. "heres 100 enrichment toys you can make out of free trash so your dog stops eating fucking rocks for enrichment" lists. i only have so many paper towel tubes XD
Herschel now just disassembles puzzle feeders, so I've been focusing on "Toys that, even if he already knows how to operate them, will still take TIME for him to collect the treat from" to give him something to fuss with.
Herschel eats all his meals out of a Kong Wobbler, because he will otherwise eat so fast he will literally inhale and choke on his kibble and I do not need him developing pneumonia from aspiration. Even though it's a "Simple" toy it slows him down and he does have to think a bit to tip it in the most efficient manner possible. Kong's "Flipz", "Gyro" and "Rewards Wally" are also really good "dog needs to think/carefully manipulate the toy for food" toys that act as both mental stimulation and exercise and "give human a break for up to twelve minutes" toys.
I highly reccomend KONG as a brand- they're local to Denver and have an impeccable saftey record and all of the toys I have gotten from them have held up extremely well vs. the ravages of three entirely too smart and strong-jawed dogs at once.
Some more thoughts:
If she's not prone to shredding rubber, the kind of treat toys she has to chew are also good stimulation.
If you don't want to give her That Many treats, my vet said that dogs can have as many green beans as they want. Just make sure that the beans haven't had salt added to them- canned usually does, but frozen green beans usually don't, but always check the label.
You can make nearly any toy last longer, or make a cheap long-puzzle by freezing the treats so they take longer to eat AND provides hydration. Herschel's most favorite treat of all time is literally a wad of sliced green beans in a dixie cup, filled with water and frozen. Just peel off the cup and hand him the chunk of ice and he's good for up to half an hour and more chill afterwards.
You can also freeze lick mats
If your girl is like Charlie and doesn't like greenbeans, you can also try freezing paper cups of: Canned pumpkin, apple slices in water, putting some ice cubes in the bottom of the cup, a gob of peanut butter in the middle and then fill it with water to make a peanutbutter filled ice cube.
If your girl is REALLY like charlie who has figured out how to use labor negotiation and strike tactics for better treats: boiled chicken chunks frozen in some of the water you boiled them in.
Walkies are as much mental stimulation as they are physical exercise. Take her out and let her sniff to her heart's content.
Also Puppies in particular need like, SO MUCH exercise.
Let her participate in activities with you. Herschel and charlie sit in the kitchen and I narrate cooking dinner to them, which seems to interest them, even if I don't have spare veggie ends to give them. I also frequently bring them along in the car if I'm running errands when it's cold enough to do that, so they have something new to look at, and get to participate. I also am more likely to stop at a new park and give myself some exercise and mental stimulation.
Training her to do tasks is GREAT Smart Dog enrichment- esp if she's a herding or heeler, they LOVE being helpful. I taught the dogs they get a small treat if they come in from the yard without me having to go chase them down, which saved me a lot of hassle, and now I'm working on teaching herschel to pick things up off the floor for me if I drop them and alert for chickpeas, which my housemate is allergic to.
A lot of dogs like cat-type toys. Tie a stick or some fleece to some paracord and drag or flycast it around for her to chase/play tug with when she catches it. Toys that bounce unexpectedly were also a huge hit. or just wave the string around the cat and the corgi both like that.
If you live in farm country or know other people with pets, you can grab something with the scent of another animal on it and bring it home for her to smell. Charlie and Herschel spent the better part of three days investigating the wad of horse undercoat I brought home and put in the spare wobbler for them to smell.
2K notes · View notes
writersdrug · 16 days
Text
Training for Two
Chapter 7. Motivated, Sir!
Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media
Masterlist
Summary: You struggle to keep up with your freelance work - Soap has the wonderful idea of bringing you and Riley to base.
Warnings: cursing, yeah.
Tumblr media
Sure enough, Simon had requested your services about three days after you’d run into him in the café.
He had sent you an email the Tuesday following your run in. It was the same as before – short and to the point. leaving thursday at 0900. riley will need her meds at 1300. i’ll be on base for a few days for trainig, won’t be far. call if you need anything.
You showed up no later than twelve-thirty, your backpack hanging off one shoulder and a fresh bag of peanut-butter-bacon cookies in your free hand. You cooed and smiled at Riley as she all but attacked you as you entered through the front door. She seemed to have grown to miss you, which had your heart swelling with pride. People pleaser and a puppy pleaser, it seems.
After a dose of her medicine and a much-needed walk through one of the nearby parks, you crashed on Simon’s couch to do some freelance work. With your feet kicked up onto the coffee table (politely, with your socks on and your shoes by the front door), you tapped and clicked away at your laptop, fiddling with the edge of your sweatshirt as you concentrated.
You may have bitten off more than you could chew, as much as you hated to admit it. Prancing your skill online – boosting social media posts that boasted about your expertise in logo design and marketing had brought in more customers than you anticipated. Recognition was exciting, and you had taken on four clients at once; something you were currently and mentally kicking yourself for. The burnout had settled in quickly after you finished the first portfolio of logo samples, and you wanted nothing more than to take a nap with Riley as your blanket.
You sighed, sinking further into the couch cushions and running your hands over your face. You were dangerously low on motivation.
A few moments later, you were holding your phone, listening to each ring as you chewed on the edge of your sleeve. A bad habit, one that your mother had tried to break you of in your teenage years, but you stubbornly kept to it.
Soon, the phone picked up with a click. “Hey, babe.”
“Hi Tyler…” you said with a relived exhale. “You busy?”
“Eh-“ he grunted; you heard the sound of tinkering in the background, and the voice of the secretary at his main office. “I’ve got a moment. Everything alright?”
You sighed. “Yeah… nothing’s wrong, I’m just stuck.”
“How so?”
“Well” – you sat upright, crossing your feet under you and putting your laptop to the side – “I’ve finished the one project, and now I-“
“Which project?” Tyler interjected. You heard beeping, followed by one of his coworkers asking for a wire stripper.
“The logo design for that new attorney’s office off of main and thirty-fourth.”
“Oh! Yeah yeah, I remember.”
You cleared your throat. “Yeah, I finished that one. I have three other projects now, and one is due by the-“
“Three?! I thought you just had the one!”
A sigh escaped your lips. “I did, and then more clients flooded in, I just got ahead of myself-“
“Sweetheart- here, Max, hold this for a second- you got too much on your plate. You’ve already been house-sitting for that one guy, Sam-“
“-Simon.”
“Right, yeah. But, doll, maybe you need a break. Can you tell him that you need him to find someone else for now?”
You faltered. “You’re saying quit the house-sitting gig?”
“Not quit, I know Riley likes you – but maybe just have him get another guy to finish the week.”
“I can’t do that!” you said, a bit taken aback that Tyler of all people, Mr. Work-Till-You-Drop himself, would suggest that you let go of a project. “He can’t exactly find a different sitter right now, he’s not going to be home.”
“Alright, alright- what about dropping one of the logo gigs?”
“That would look bad for my business.”
“Well, babe-“ you heard someone call for him in the background of the call. “-give me a sec, Ron, it’s important- I don’t know what to tell you. You bit off more than you can chew, it sounds like.”
Your heart dropped into your stomach; why am I bothering him? He’s working, and this isn’t something he can exactly help with. “Yeah- I’m sorry. I’m just- I dunno. I need something to motivate me.”
“Don’t be sorry, sweetheart.” Tyler sighed; you could hear the pinch in his brow. “I’m not trying to be short with you, I… eh, I guess this wasn’t the best time, hmm? Tell you what: when Sam comes back-“
“Simon.” You said with a chuckle.
“Shit, sorry- when Simon gets back, and you’re back home, let’s have a day in, yeah? You pick a movie, I’ll get the takeaway, and have a look at your portfolio. Sound good?”
You smiled, the knot in your stomach easing up a bit. “Yeah, sounds like paradise.”
“Good.” Tyler said, and you could hear the smile in his tone. “I’ll make sure it is. Let your mind rest a bit, alright? And give Riley a kiss for me.”
“What, I don’t get one?”
“Yours are automatic!”
“Leavin’ me for a dog, are you?”
“I wouldn’t leave you for Aphrodite.”
You smiled. “I love you. But go back to work! I don’t want Ron to hate me.”
Tyler chuckled, the sound sending butterflies fluttering in your stomach. “Alright. Love you too.”
You ended the call, tossing the phone onto the cushion next to you. Why did I call him? He was at work – I knew that. He doesn’t even know anything about design. I could have texted him – or I could have just left him alone. Why would I even bother him with this? How could he have helped?
You groaned, closing your laptop and moving it to the coffee table. Looking across the room, you saw that Riley was no longer in her bed, her blanket partially spilling onto the floor next to it. She whined; you turned your head to find her sitting at the door. She met your gaze, licking her lips and tapping her feet anxiously on the floor.
“Do you need to go out?”
She whined again, impatient.
“Why didn’t you say anything?” you huffed, standing on your feet and stretching your limbs. She trotted over to you with a groan, then back to the door.
You followed her there, slipping on your shoes. You reached into the closet and grabbed her leash, leaning down to clip it onto her collar. She grunted and jerked her head back, taking a few steps away from you.
Confusion settled on your face. “C’mon girl, don’tcha want to go for a walk?”
She let out a few voofs, raising a paw and stomping it indignantly. You tried again, reaching out with the clip of the leash, but she darted away once more. She stood by the closet and barked shrilly, still staring at you.
This lasted for a few more minutes; you’d stand there, taking every woo and wuff that she threw at you. After a few moments of the following silence, you’d take a step towards her, holding up the leash with a cocked brow, and she’d huff and turn in a circle.
“I’m sorry I don’t speak awoowoo.” You said in frustration, putting your hands on your hips. “spreek je Nederlands?”
She huffed dramatically, lying down and resting her nose on her front paws. You sighed yourself and headed back towards the couch – she yipped, whining at you through her nose.
“What?” you asked, throwing your hands up. “I don’t know what you want!”
She barked back at you. Helpful.
You groaned. This wasn’t getting you anywhere. You went back to the couch and grabbed your phone, flopping stomach-first onto the cushions. Riley trotted over to your side and whined, sitting politely on the rug.
With a few clicks, Simon’s contact appeared on your phone; well, it was Riley’s face, her snout taking up most of the camera and her ears tucked back against her head as she had sniffed the lens in the moment. You chewed your lip. It’s not an emergency… but maybe he forgot to tell me about part of her routine? She hadn’t acted this upset the last time you were here… and she had certainly never indicated no when you got ready to take her outside.
You pressed the call button, putting your phone on speaker. Not half a ring had passed before Simon answered.
“Wha’s wrong? ‘S Riley ok?”
“N- hi, Simon – yeah, Riley’s ok. She-“
“Are you ok?”
You chuckled. “Yes, I’m fine. This isn’t an emergency.”
You heard him sigh, and quickly tried to deescalate the situation. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to worry you-“
“Don’t apologize,” he said, “ya did nothin’ wrong. I know you wouldn’t call if it wasn’t important.”
You laughed again. “Well, I don’t really know if it is or isn’t – I’m trying to take Riley out for a stroll, and she won’t go,”
“No?”
“No. I try to put her leash on and she runs away. She’s yapping at me though, like she’s got something to say.” You looked at her, reaching a finger to boop her nose.
You heard the faint sound of gunshots in the background of the call. You had half a mind to ask if he was in battle- war- whatever they called it- at the moment, until you remembered that he said he was training this week. “Ya sure she needs t’ go out?”
“She’s acting like she does.” You said, rolling onto your side.
He grunted. “Pain flarin’ up?”
“She’s not limping.”
“Biscuit?”
“She’s had her first daily.”
He sighed. “Beats me. I’d think she was-“
“Oi! LT!”
You listened closely, suddenly drawn to the commotion beyond the speaker. “Simon?”
“One sec, luv-“ he said quickly. “I’m busy, Soap-“
“Cap needs ye back oan th’ feld. One o’ the Jimmies hud o’ nice fall.”
“Fuckin’ wot?”
“One o’ the rookies collapsed.” Soap was now closer to the phone; close enough that you could hear he was out of breath. “Cap wants ye out there.”
“Tell him I’m busy.”
“Tell ‘im yer feckin’ self, ye dry piece o’ shite-“
Riley suddenly barked, making you jolt. She stood with her paws on the edge of the couch and staring at the phone.
“Awe, tha’ mah girl?” Soap said from the other line. “Mah Bonnie, yea? She miss me?”
“’M on the fuckin’ phone, Johnny.”
“Ah know, I’m talkin’ to the pup.”
You thought for a moment, as Simon and Soap bickered in the background. Maybe, Riley misses Simon’s coworkers? She used to work with them… judging on her reaction – panting and ears perked up as she listened to the conversation – you’d guess you were right.
“Hey, uh… Simon?”
‘- hm?” Simon halted his bickering with Soap at the sound of your voice.
“Does she maybe want to see your- team? Or Soap, at the very least?”
“Aye, she does.” Soap chimed in, making Riley whine. “Ya hear tha’? She misses ‘er ol’ uncle Johnny.”
“Bugger off, mate.” Simon grumbled.
You suddenly felt like you made a mistake even voicing your thoughts. “Sorry if it’s not a good idea, I just heard how she reacted to Soap’s voice, and, y’know – how she used to work with you all…” you chuckled at yourself. “Now that I think about it, I probably couldn’t even get on base, could I?”
“It would-“
“None o’ that keech!” Soap said, cutting off Simon for the umpteenth time. “Ghost, ye can tell the gate guards you’ll be expectin’ er. Or cap, he’ll vouch for ‘er. Want tae see my girl.”
You felt a bout of excitement roll through your veins. “I think that would be great! And I’d get to meet you all finally. I should know who Simon travels the world with, right?”
There was a moment of silence over the phone, save for the distant gunfire and the cadence of orders being called out. You wondered if you had said something wrong; ‘travel the world…’ it’s deployment, not a vacation. Why did I say that?
“Don’t see why not.” Simon finally said, and you sighed quietly.
“You sure?” you confirmed.
“It’s jus’ what the pup needs.” Soap said. “Probably misses ‘er other friends, too-“
“Jus’ head towards the naval base, n’ I’ll send you the address to the gate.” Simon said with a huff. “Tell them you’re here for Ghost.”
“Ghost…” you repeated.
“’S my callsign. Oh, and, uh- put ‘er harness on. She wears that to base, probably why she won’t take jus’ the leash.”
You smiled, heart fluttering a bit at the information. “Great! I’ll see you soon!”
“Drive safe.”
You bit your lip as the call ended, that warmth still bubbling within your chest. A thousand, fleeting questions circled within your head as you rolled onto your side, clutching your phone to your chest. Does he call everyone luv? What gave him the callsign “Ghost”? I wonder what his team is like… I wonder what Johnny- Soap?- is like. I wonder if they’re all as attractive as-
Riley barked; you yelped, body tensing as you were torn from your thoughts. She pawed at you, still standing on her two hind legs and yowling lowly in your direction.
“Alright, alright- let’s go!” you rolled off the couch, equally as excited as she was. She happily obliged to sit next to you when you grabbed the harness from the closet, slipping it over her head and latching the leash to its back. She then eagerly trotted to the door, tapping her feet anxiously and whining.
You stuffed your feet into your shoes (you hoped that a sweatshirt, leggings, and rain boots would be appropriate for bringing your client’s dog on a military base). You stepped out into the overcast day, locking Simon’s door behind you and shoving the key into your bra; excitement boiled underneath your veins as the two of you headed over to your car, right as your phone buzzed with Simon’s text.
Tumblr media
Simon watched as your contact photo faded from the screen. His eyes hardened as he turned to Johnny – the bloke had a cheeky grin on his face, staring right back at his lieutenant. Simon wanted to grab him by his mohawk and swing him into the wall like a discus.
“Wha’?” Soap said innocently, shoulders shrugging with irreproachability. “I miss ‘er.”
“Ya don’t have nothin’ to miss, you wanker.” Simon snarled, stuffing his phone into his back pocket. “You’ve never met ‘er.”
“The dog, ya git.” Soap sighed. His eyes narrowed in amused suspicion. “Yer awfully protective o’ the lass, don’t ye think?”
Oh, Simon could have launched the Scot into next week. He knew what he was doing, the bastard. He knew Johnny was either going to try and pair you with himself, sweep you off your feet and charm you with his stupid blue eyes and bright smile – or, he was going to pitch you with his lieutenant. Simon didn’t like not knowing how to prepare himself: to either cockblock you and Johnny, or to refuse any advances Johnny made to him on your behalf.
Soap huffed, not intimidated in the slightest by Ghost’s dissociative, angry stare. “Calm doon, LT.” he said, shoving his shoulder with two, sturdy fingers. “She’s got a lad, aye? I jus’ want tae see Riley. I’ll leave your precious house-sitter alone.” He held a hand up and crossed a finger over his chest. “Scout’s honor.”
“You were never in Boy Scouts.” Ghost grumbled.
“Does it make a difference?” Soap said with a quirked eyebrow.
Simon sighed, leaving Soap on the training field to find Price. He had to let him know you’d be coming to base, or you’d be stopped at the gate and turned away – or worse, dragged off by the military police. It would be a surefire way of keeping you away from Soap, but it was also rather unhospitable. Riley wouldn’t be too impressed, either.
Still, Johnny had a point. Why was he fretting? You weren’t his.
“Jus’ keep an eye on the recruits. Be back in a moment.” He said over his shoulder.
“Aye, LT.” Soap responded: Simon could hear the grin on his face.
Smug bastard.
Tumblr media
Next ->
Taglist (trying this again): @my-queen-rhaenyra-targaryen @jisungswiftie @sweet-tooth4you @kennyis-aloser @hyyyxr @lahniu @dory-98 @naradae @cum-tea-and-towels @boystepper @definitelynotaclown @your-wifes-boyfriend @ghostslittlegf @bossva @poppingaround @katzykat @mileyraes @chocolate-noodles @jupiternighties @sadlonelybagel @rorysbrainrot @reevesdriver @kingshitonly @ghost4love @lilyofhoon
470 notes · View notes
Text
YOU MATCH THE 141 ON TINDER 💓
The Prequel to the "It's a Match!" series.
[ The Teaser! ] || [ Chapter 1 ]
Pairing: 141 x gn!Reader Words: 600~ Summary: While overcoming recent heartbreak, you decide to join Tinder in search of a rebound. Your friends advise to just Swipe Right indiscriminately... What happens when 4 soldiers from the same squad match with you?
Tumblr media
You’ve always found the concept of rebounds hilariously dumb. Every time that trope came up on a romcom or sitcom you were watching, you found yourself rolling your eyes at it.
Then again, everything about how Hollywood portrays break-ups is ridiculous. Sobbing on the couch while eating a pint of ice cream? Putting on your ‘revenge dress’ and showing your ex what they’re missing? All BS… but you guess both of those have a time and a place… But rebounds? 
How can someone think the remedy to a broken heart or a bad break-up is… getting involved with someone else? How can that be healthy at all? You’re at your lowest and most vulnerable and you decide to let someone else in to do more damage? Ridiculous.
That’s why you scoffed and rolled your eyes when your friend Leah suggested it during film night at your flat. “C’mon, you need to get laid!” She said as she bit down on her slice of pizza.
“Oh, please-” You grumbled, slinking down on the couch. “I’m alright by myself, thanks.”
“Pfft, c’mon!” Mia, your other friend, quipped while sitting on a pillow on the floor. “You seriously need to get out of the house and find someone else!”
"No, serious, you do." Leah agreed and nodded. "What happened with that tosser Ethan should not have you isolating youself like this."
“No, thank you. I’m quite alright by myself. Don’t need that extra stress.” You retorted as you reached for another slice of pizza from the coffee table.
“What extra stress?” Leah asked. “There's nothing stressful about it! It’s sex.” She said simply, Mia quickly nodding in agreement.
“The extra stress of going out and talking to people and getting to know them…” You list it off while halfway through chewing your bite of food.
“Oh, sod off! We’re not talking about a date!” Mia quickly said as she pushed your knee lightly with her bottle of Coke.
“Yeah, it’s a shag. You don’t have to meet or talk to a bloke! You just create an account on Tinder or Bumble or something.” Leah added.
You shoot them a look of disbelief. “Oh, I’m not doing that! Are you mental? Those apps are a cesspool! There’s nothing but creeps and losers on there…” You complained.
“See, that’s the mentality of someone who wants a boyfriend out of those apps!” Mia scolded you and nudged your knee again. “If you use it with that intention of course you’ll think every bloke there is a creep. But you’re not going to use it to look for a date! You’ll use it for the same as them: a shag.” She added.
“C’mon! Hand over your phone, let’s create a profile for you!” Leah insisted and stole your phone from your hoodie’s pocket before you even had time to argue, unlocking it and getting to work downloading Tinder.
“I don’t know…” You said, uncertain, as you nibbled on your pizza slice again. “I feel like I’ll get picky and reject all of them once their profile pops on my screen.” You add.
“Then don’t.” Mia said with a shrug while she pushed up onto her knees to peek at your phone screen in Leah’s hand.
“Yeah! Just Swipe Right on all of them! You’re bound to find one that’s worth it that way.” Leah added as she began creating an account for you.
“I don’t know-” You tried saying again, not just uncertain but downright disliking the idea.
“We promise it’ll be fun!” Mia interrupted you. “Just do what we tell you! Swipe right on everyone!” Mia added. “What’s the worst that’s going to happen?”
“Worst-case scenario, you don’t like any of them enough to meet for a shag. So what? Will make no difference on your life as it currently is.” Leah added and leaned herself lightly against you, nudging you with her shoulder.
Thinking for a moment, you end up sighing and smiling. “Fine!” You said, amused. “I guess if nothing else, it’ll give me a confidence boost to have ‘em all dming me.” You joked.
“That’s the spirit!” Mia cheered and wrapped her arms around you. “Now, let’s find some pictures of you looking fit to add to your profile.” She said, causing you all to giggle.
taglist: @daisychainsinknots , @bunnysdaydreams , @iite-cool , @lahniu , @pagesfalling , @tapioca-milktea1978 , @live-love-be-unique , @thelaisydazy , @littleghosthoney , @bossva , @emotion-no-hot-yes-hotel-trivago , @chamomiletealeaf , @ghosts-hoe
1K notes · View notes