#fuck cis people tbh im tired

[craycraybluejay]

Literally never getting involved with a cis person again. If I'm fuckin someone they gotta be trans. "I care about you but I just don't do politics." Complacency is the same as pulling the trigger. I cannot be disrespecting myself by letting myself be disrespected like that and giving myself to a person who would let me and people like me die without lifting a finger to help. Hold me to this btw. Any time I'm like "but this cis person is different--" shut me tf down. Please.

[kitty-thinks-stuff]

uhh little vent ig bc i feel like crap :P ‼️tw-emetophobia, mental health talk, homophobia, hatecrimes‼️

im going through a bad mental health low right now and it fucking suckkks. sometimes i forget that i have kinda shitty mental health until i go through a bad episode and this rn is a bad episode

im tired *all* the time, mentally and physically. i cant find joy in my usual interests, like genshin and hsr, which sucks bc i usually go to them for comfort?

when i play them i feel bored, or almost annoyed? like its just extra work. its fucking awful tbh, going to something you're usually excited for and just feeling. terrible

i also feel nauseous whenever im anxious, and usually im pretty used to it but its happened a lot today and i fucking hate it. and i feel anxious about EVERYTHING, bc im not. normal dude. being neurodivergent in the real world is fucking hard.

i have to mask all the time, i can only act the way that i do on the internet, or with my closeclose friends. basically all the people at my work are straight cis neurotypical people and its worse than i thought it would be. dont get me wrong, theyre great! but its so hard having to be a completely different person.

this guy asked me for my number today, this very cute, very funny guy. and i gave it to him! it was nice, i was flattered. but i know its never gonna go anywhere. im never gonna have this relationship, bc i dont feel love and attraction like a normal fucking person, and i dont feel comfortable around straight cis neurotypical people.

he didnt do anything wrong. none of them did. but i cant be myself around them, any of them, and its just exhausting.

i want to have relationships, i want to have a partner, i want to have friends. but its hard to make friends when you're constantly worried about getting fucking hatecrimed.

im always worried about getting called weird. i only feel safe on the internet, on my tumblr, where i can be myself and not feel like im gonna fucking vomit everytime i talk to someone.

i get so anxious talking to new people. and i hate it. i cant just. be like everyone else. i see all these nt people making tons of friends, and i just cant

ever since i started my job its been slammed into my face that im weird. ive been inside for so long (homeschool since about a year ago) that i forgot that not everyone is like my circle on the internet.

im not just "funny and silly" outside. im just weird. and its such a scary wake up call that i actually do have to be worried about who i talk to. what i do. what i say.

because what will happen if i slip up and mention being neurodivergent? being queer? not being cis?

im sure ill get used to it someday. i know it wont be bad forever. but fucking hell dude. im glad to get out of the house and to be making money but shit. its so hard being the weird kid again. its so much like highschool its awful.

anyways. im sure ill be fine. its been kinda icky for a while but today it really hit.

i love u guys :) ur really super fucking awesome, thank you for letting me be myself.

[kiruliom]

tbh I think my most controversial take is I think cisallohets should be able to identify as queer if they want.

straight (used as an opposite to queer, not mlw/wlm exclusives) people don't want to be queer, if they want to be a part of the community (see; 'a stands for ally') theyd rather say 'safer' words like fruity or girlypop or whatever the fuck. because queer is too controversial. you get what Im saying. who knows maybe Im too tired to make good points. theres also the fact that people can be both cis and trans, both homo and het, and yes, both allo and aspec, we shouldnt exclude these people (as a cistrans that shit would fuck me up if someone decided I wasnt trans enough to be in the community you know, which Im surprised I havent yet but still)

[x-soapbox-x]

Sigh vent post. Tw transphobia

So I work for [unnamed] and we do screenings for law firms to see if people meet criteria for different class action lawsuits/victim compensation. And I’m in a meeting, and supervisor goes “oh I know this is a sensitive subject, but some of the clients we are getting on [recent case] identify with different genders then the ones in their file. We still need to know [relevant medical info] and they might not like that we have to ask them these questions” and then she proceeds to tell a story about a case she did where a ‘Gentleman’ wanted to go by a woman’s name, and in explaining her story was like he this, he that, you know. Which does grate on my nervous, like obviously that’s a woman right? And she basically ends like You Just Have to call them what They Want to be Called. So at the end of the meeting she asks for comments or questions and I jump in like “hey in regards to having clients with different gender identities, if anyone doesn’t know how to navigate that or the language to use, I’m a queer advocate in my area and I’m extremely comfortable with these kinds of situations so I will gladly speak with any transgender clients or answer any questions anyone may have.” Very non hostile, very helpful. And she just seemed taken aback like, oh we’re professionals so I think we are capable of talking with anyone. But then she was like maybe we will have you do a training for those situations or something but I don’t think she was serious. I just hate when anytime the topic comes up and I’m like. Hey if your unsure about this I can help :) I hate how it’s like suddenly I’m holding a lit dynamite the way the tension in the air goes. I accept and understand that cis people who never (knowingly) interact with trans people are ignorant and clueless, and I don’t think that’s a bad thing in all cases. I’m down to teach. I’m patient and good at explaining things if you’re down to listen. But I hate that people bristle. Like I get why, it’s a Political Topic. But like hello this is my nice ‘we are employed by a law firm’ face. Knowing that they’d run for the hills seeing me in my off days all trans rights punked out isn’t as satisfying as I’d like it to be. And I hate that the default in the meeting was “trans people are Other” like, no one who works here could possibly be queer. I hate that the assumption is that cis and straight are Normal and we are all Normal here. I hate that the default is unwelcoming. Like if only you guys knew the beauty and the art and the humor and the strength of queer people. But they’ll never see it and tbh they don’t deserve access to that. I’m just tired of everywhere I work it becoming an issue to the point that even this minor shit has my patience thin. My last job was really bad about it. And I think what gets me is that otherwise, these people are good people. And I think I hate that most- like a bigot is a bigot, but I hate that regular good people get infected by that bigotry, and it’s no less evil for being there bc it upholds the status quo (aka systems of oppression) But how the fuck do you hold onto the two world views and not split in half? I came to the political stances I hold bc as a kid I was compassionate and I saw pain and it led me from feminism to queer politics to class politics and now I’m just left as fuck bc I CARE about the other people I share the planet with. How can a person preach about respect when it’s…superficial at best? idk I’m glad I offered my knowledge if it means our trans clients won’t have to deal, but as a nb adjacent worker I’m like. Oh shit I beefed it, no one is gonna listen to me and now everyone knows im queer. I’m sure that won’t have any consequences.

[hematomes]

couldn't he just. say no to chappelle lmao. like he could just say no??

and yeah ive seen a couple posts from trans people saying they were there and had the entire audience around them laugh at a transphobic joke. jfc it must have been awful

tbh im already tired of seeing cis ppl defend him LMAOO like shut the fuck up this isn't abt you!! can you!! shut it!!

yeah i saw some of these too,,, that's so disgusting tbh

[revaeli]

listen if a trans person joking about how only trans characters are valid or whatever  ...  is offensive to you  ,   that is literally a you problem  .   take a breath   .

[doctorwhoisadhd]

vent post but UGH people are SO willing to make assumptions about you when you dont present at all femininely

[qsphyxias]

any passing tips? congrats!

first of all, i love your username

second of all, thank you

third of all, i have so many get ready

warning: this is for transmasc people because i don't know any transfem people and im not transfem so i cant give my input on that, this is for if you want to be cis-passing, probably enforcing a little toxic masculinity honestly, also this is heavily based on my own experiences so far so this may not apply to everyone. and like i said, this is for people who want to be cis-passing, the tips are kind of aggressive.

first! something reallly important i learned about binding; flat chests are not super duper natural, though it still passes, it's still not as natural as a cis guys' chest because!!! guys have pecs. seriously, if you see small bumps under your binder, that is fine, actually, it may be better than a flat chest. flat chests are fine too, but tbh having small bumps as pecs is more convincing.

wear the waistband of your pants on your lower hip

for stance, put your hands in your pocket and slouch your back. if you want, try to walk with the tips of your toes aiming to the opposite sides of each other?? like, an opposite catwalk

take up more space, if you have a backpack, hold on the straps and bring them closer to your chest

like this ^^

lower your voice, it's okay if it sounds weird or fake, just fucking do it. you have to be confident, look confident, and even smell confident. don't think, just do. it'll be easier for it to be more natural that way.

say stuff like, "nah, bro, bruh, my bad, yo" be really chill, and really confident but not overconfident. i usually just act like a stoner or a fuckboy, or if it helps, just kinda watch what cis guys do and absorb those traits, and mimic them. that's what i do.

don't have too many manners, but like, apologize when you need to. if you bump into someone in the hallway, give them a quick nod or acknowledgement and keep going, or pretend you didn't see anything. if it's an awful bump, then ofc apologize but if not, just brush past them.

if you have a resting bitch face, that's bonus points. don't make too many facial expressions or any exaggerated tone while you talk. your face should have a neutral facial expression, like a bored, focused, tired, or occasionally smiling expression when your friend has something funny or hilarious. don't suppress your feelings, just change how you probably look when you are expressing those feelings, at least to an extent.

this happens a lot to me but like, when i'm really in the zone, or when im laughing, my voice tends to go higher pitched, and this is the case for maybe a few months but one you practice deepening your voice and changing your mannerisms, it'll go away because you'll go into habit.

also! a tip to lower your voice; when you wake up in the morning, make sure that the first word you say after you wake up is really low, because that helps set the bar and the octave of where you will start speaking in for the rest of the day.

idk if this actually helps but i don't ever drink water and that makes my voice rlly raspy in the morning, i'm convinced thats why it's so easy to skip a few notes down into a lower voice but like idk you should still drink water (and apparently when you're on T, you need to drink a lot of water)

also, another thing, start speaking from your chest and your stomach, not your nose- if that makes sense? sometimes i think it's not even about the tone, it's literally about the depth of your voice. so like, just make your voice heavier ig? but if you're in high school like me, don't make it too deep because you're supposed to be having voice puberty right about this point (i usually throw in some fake and some real voice cracks but idk if that helps or not, it's just fun)

if you're worried about height, which tbh i don't think is much of a problem, you can buy those gel shoe lift thingies and hide them in your shoe

i'm gonna be honest with you, being fashionable is seen as feminine, and it really sucks, but that doesn't mean you have to stop looking fashionable if you want to be seen as a guy, if that makes sense? cis guys usually just wear sweatpants and 7-day old hoodies, they don't have much of a style (in high school at least) but nowadays there are more fashionable guys. just, know that if you want to look more fashionable and like, really good, it will make you look a little less cis passing.

but tbh this is not super true, it's just from my experience

painting your nails is fine. mild jewelry is fine.

probably better to use men's deodorant, shampoo, conditioner etc.

consume a lot of media with heavily masc characters, aka men that you look up to/favourite characters, etc. just so you can take in their traits and hopefully raise yourself to be more masculine.

have a big group of guy friends to blend in, otherwise, you can just be that gay guy in a group of girlfriends(but you'll be the token gay friend, and honestly it's not great), but tbh i suggest having a bigger group of guy friends, or just have one trusted guy friend. trust me, this is crucial. (at first it was crucial, now idk)

another thing to make sure, make sure that guy friend doesn't know you're trans, and thinks you're a cis guy. trust me on this, you need one guy friend. just one, and you're set for life.

girls typically can tell if you're trans, and it's a higher percentage to get misgendered by them rather than guys bc they just dont care ig.

ANOTHER THING!! this is kind of a stupid tip, but another passing tip is to literally not care. throw away any self-esteem, any worries about whatever you're doing, but at the same time be mildly aware. be in the habit.

if you do get misgendered, don't say "my pronouns are actually__" instead say, "huh? im a guy."

saying "my pronouns are" heavily imply that you're part of the lgtbtq+ community and guys might make fun of you for it.

^ this doesn't apply if you're talking to lgbtq+ people.

if a guy sits next to you, don't get nervous. just manspread lol.

try to make yourself more comfortable around guys, even if it's tough.

guys are going to want to do a cool handshake as a greeting if they feel like they're your closer friend so get ready for that

if someone deadnames you, look confused and ignore them (don't get defensive, unless necessary)

if someone asks why you're in the guy's locker room/bathroom, look confused (don't get defensive)

^^ when you walk into the guys' bathroom, walk in with your guy friend, don't be nervous, act natural.

this is just a disclaimer, i'm super biased so warning for that below.

there are basically two choices to have when you want friends as a transmasc/trans guy

have a (small or big) group of lgbtqia2s+ friends who have been through it, and understand your own gender struggle, it's a higher chance they will never misgender you because they know how it feels.

- they are definitely more fun, and better than the other choices

- you can find these people in an lgbtq+ club or you can hunt them down

have a group of friends that have a majority of guys or just have one friend that is a dude. they will not misgender you, they will not even think about it because they see you as their "pack"

- but there are consequences for this, you will probably have to sell your soul because there's a chance, they are probably homophobic or transphobic, not a huge chance, but still a chance

- they will attack you in a playful but painful way

- you will absorb their toxic (masculinity) traits (they're not all toxic)

- but you will also absorb their passing masculine traits

do not be friends with cis, straight girls unless you are 100% sure they are true allies, and see you as who you are — there are people like that, but they are r a r e (this only applies if they know you're trans)

^^the she/they's don't count, the she/they's are awesome (sometimes)

- if you do decide to be friends with cishet girls, they will likely infantilize you (my own bias and experience)

^^this doesn't apply if you already have cis girl-friends that you've known for a long time and you know they respect you and support you.

- the cishet girls (who know you're trans) will not treat you like a guy, they will treat you like another friend that's a girl (based on my own experience, it's not great)

(again, this is just my own bias, and based on my experience)

THIS IS NOT ALWAYS THE CASE THOUGH!! I made these observations based on this one girl that was basically a piece of shit to me, we're not friends anymore dw (also this is outdated)

[fox-steward]

hi. i hope you don't mind me asking this but i need some advice.

i was born female, and ive always been a tomboy, sometimes in the most stereotypical way. i was also a little lesbian who didn't know it yet. but after my younger sibling came out to me as trans, i started second guessing everything about myself.

for the sake of my sibling, who im closer to than anyone in my life, i learned about what theyre going through to support them and ended up getting taken in myself. i consumed all the yaoi and gay fanfiction they did, i read up on all the identities that were within the trans umbrella and eventually i started to think i wasnt a girl at all, but my infact a feminine transboy.

i never was able to transition on account of my family but the growing inner hate i felt for myself made me want to because deep down I knew that no matterr what i said or believed, id never be the cis gay boys i, essentially, fetishised and craved to be. it made me miserable, but i wanted to be accepted so badly that i stuck with it. but then i fou d your blog and others like it, and reading through it, whole reevaluating myself made me realise how misguided my mindset was.

despite realising that me being a tomboy is perfectly fine, i cant help but cling to that idea of being a boy, even though i have no idea what it means to "be a boy" or "feel like a boy". all i know is what the media portrays boys, feminine boys and gay boys to be like, and i clung to that idea for so long that i believed it to be my identity.

i just wanted to ask, if i can, how can i get over this mindset? i feel terrible because my younger sibling still identifies as trans without a shadow of a doubt, and my questioning of myself makes me feel awful, but i also feel bad because... i dont know who i am really now. how can i just be me again?

sorry this is long. any advice would be very very much appreciated.

it sounds like you’ve been through it, anon. whew! i just wanna acknowledge what a mindfuck you’ve been through, and it’s normal to feel no so great.

i actually think you’re grieving, strange as that sounds, but hear me out. being female is not easy, being a masculine woman comes with its own set of challenges, and imagining yourself as a “gay transboy” was an escape from all that. you could imagine a future for yourself where you grew up to be a gay man, not a gay woman. it’s worth noting relationships between men are the only sexual/romantic pairing that isn’t party to misogyny within the relationship itself.

it’s intoxicating to imagine we could have that ourselves, huh? it happened to me too, and i’m not even actually attracted to males at all, i was really just seduced by the idea of a relationship of equals.

but this. is. a. fantasy. one we as female people can never achieve.

so you’re grieving the vision you had for your future. your grief doesn’t care that the thing you promised yourself is impossible.

you’re undergoing another shift in the way you see yourself, the way you imagine yourself moving through the world. that’s hard, anon. being a tomboy, while absolutely lovely and perfectly fine, can be really difficult in our misogynistic society. it’s like that dworkin quote i’m about to butcher—something something absolutely excruciating to be fully aware of the misogyny all around us. you get the gist. and she’s right, but that doesn’t mean it’s not worth it.

so idk, i don’t have any specific advice, but i do know a lot about grief. with grief, you gotta accept you’re gonna feel shitty for a while and absolve yourself of the responsibility of ~fEeLiNg HaPpY~ for now. i’m being flippant because happiness is a mirage anyway. we get pricks of joy, moments of brightness or laughter, flow and contentment, enjoyment, pleasure, and these fill in between other moments of discomfort or monotony or tedium or malaise or or or. and if we’re lucky we are aware when the good stuff is happening, so that we can pause and say, gee this is nice. and if you get enough of then and you’re aware enough as they’re happening, perhaps you can tie it up in a bow of hindsight and call it contentment.

tangent, sorry. practically, keep yourself busy and tire yourself the fuck out, tbh. when my wife left, i started just going and doing things, anything i didn’t actively NOT want to do. dancing, concerts, art class, bike ride, walk a friends dog, cooking class, sit in a field and listen to music.

just do anything. i know it’s hard during covid, but it isn’t so much WHAT you do but THAT you do. take the field example—you have to travel there (that kills time!) and maybe you walk or bike (that is physical activity) then you do the thing you planned to do (takes more time) and you have to travel home (more time and activity) then you have completed something you set out to do (an achievement/free endorphins).

i also took up running when she left (tire myself the fuck out) and that changed so much for me. with grief, rumination and sleeplessness plagued me; running took both those out of the equation. so my sleep improved, i got stronger and my cardiovascular fitness improved, i ate better, i got to see myself improve and achieve goals, got to build an identity separate from who i was in my marriage. so i cannot recommend running enough.

and as for identity, finding out “who you are”—identity is a trap. don’t cement yourself to any one thing because everything changes. don’t define yourself by externalities, just be open and curious about your inner life, your qualities (which are also able to change btw) and start to strengthen the ones you like, like training a muscle. i practice (literally practice) kindness and discipline, which are important qualities for how i see myself. i also practice at compassion and i like how these things make me feel and how i show up in the world when i’m practicing at them. what qualities will you train in yourself?

you’re not defined in relation to your sibling, btw, and they aren’t defined in relation to you. you can question transness while still loving them.

you’re gonna be just fine, anon. you have plenty of time. grieve the future you can’t have, even though it’s truly for the best, and cultivate a person in yourself you’re excited to be. good luck.

[acastered]

I watched Cold Lasagne Hate Myself 1999 last night at  3 AM and here are the notes i took [Pretty obvious spoiler warning for the rest of this post]

This looks so professional compared to repertoire wow 

Him dancing around in the intro is actually really cute

Oh God he swears now

First off I know the outfits a joke but it actually looks quite good

"White, the worst of all the races"

James calling out ricky gervais,,

the entire bit about edgy comedians

especially hearing him say "ye brave little cis boyyy"

So refreshing to hear a famous cis person casually defend trans people without making it A Thing

If he leans back any more his back will snap in two I swear to God

Posture of a fucking candy cane

Love love love him speaking his mind & being himself in this one

Tbh the Samaritans part is darker than I had expected but it's really good

Kind of feel bad for laughing at him so much on gbbo hh

"Its about 52/48"

He's surprisingly left wing in this lmaoo

?? Is this what Reddit got so upset about? He's not even that angry at the audience, it's literally part of the joke

Jesus christ i hate the top of the tea bit. I love it but. 

Ive never been more uncomfortable.

"Thats like bandersnatch enjoy that shit" hit me so hard

Holy shit i didn’t realise it would be this lomg its so late

Im tired but it was worth it

[transsexualhamlet]

sherlock holmes reactions part 4 (?) ive lost count already but unsurprisingly ive grown even more attached to him

using this as the cover image because i made him a playlist. cause im awful

no legit this is gonna need a read more because it's SO LONG SHIHEWIESHEFSHIEWHF

Had three mental breakdowns this week and realized i do in fact kin sherlock motherfucking holmes. this does not bode well for anything in my life mentally I've diagnosed him with so many things

Oh boy lol you want the list I think hes autistic (undisputed honestly) plus also adhd but on top of that there's the manic depression and uhhh the bpd lmao I dont even think that's it those are just. the obvious ones

But yeah man's a fucking mess and a shit person but in the same way as me so 👍

Some highlights I thought were very funny:

watson: we are in fact going to be waltzing into a place where people are Shooting People you do not have your gun. this is a problem

sherlock: don't worry watson I have my trusty stick!

watson: visible pain

This clearly happens like every day or so with them

but yeah there were some really honestly sweet scenes with them at the apartment and why am i getting soft over the crusty man being gay

have you considered tho. have you considered them

have you considered sherlock, who usually only plays absolute garbage on his violin serenading watson to sleep when he was tired and in pain and watson being so fucking in love with the man and waxing poetic about falling asleep to his music and waking up to see him fallen asleep on the couch next to him and oh my god them

They're just really sweet together for such a completely dysfunctional couple so much of the time lol I just. Sherlock being like.

Sherlock half of the time: watson you're fucking stupid. no i won't take care of my personal needs stfu. watson get a goddamn life. watson shut up. watson no one cares about your goddamn opinion. no i need to disturb you in the middle of the night it's for science. hey watson mind if i manipulate mansplain malewife

Sherlock the other half of the time: HELLO SIR YOU ARE MY FAVORITE MAN TO EVER MAN HELLO MAY I SPEND THE REST OF MY DAYS WITH YOU HELLO I WILL DO ANYTHING FOR YOU WE ARE PERFECT MATCHES I LOVE YOU AND I NEED YOU YOURE SO MUCH BETTER THAN ME PLEASE MARRY ME

They're... they certainly are.

ALSO OH MY GOD.

THIS ONE TIME WHEN SHERLOCK WAS JUST PACING AROUND THE ROOM AT 3 AM GOING "IT DOESNT MAKE SENSE >:(((" AND HUDSON LIKE BARGED IN TO COMPLAIN AND THEN WATSON WAS LIKE DUDE YOU GOTTA STOP DOING THIS AND PROCEEDS TO SAY THE LINE "YOU ARE KNOCKING YOURSELF UP, OLD MAN"

BAHGHSFHGRHEWHEWHIFEW

BRB SOBBING

CALLING HIM AN OLD MAN???? KNOCKING HIMSELF UP?? I DONT KNOW WHATS FUNNIER

The main highlight of this part was I have now gotten to see him have a great time watching his homo homie get married

Its so fucking funny.......

I was prepared for a funny reaction by yuumori sherlock's face when he said it lol but. Damn i was really not prepared tbh

watson: I'm engaged!

sherlock: *pained groaning*

watson: do you... not like her?

sherlock: no she's fine she's great you'll be wonderful together bUT I HATE IT WHEN PEOPLE ARE HETEROSEXUAL WATSON DO I HAVE TO MARRY MYSELF THEN WATSON? ARE YOU GOING TO MAKE ME MARRY MYSELF.

watson: yeah... yeah... fair, I feel really bad because you did this whole case and I got a girlfriend out of it and all you got was me leaving you alone fuck man im sorry what are you gonna do without me

sherlock, highly sarcastic: dont worry watson I've always got my handy cocaine! *pulls it out and gets high in front of watson just as he's about to leave*

watson: *in fucking agony*

sherlock: good for you!

I DONT EVEN- THIS SCENE KILLED ME MULTIPLE TIMES OVER WHAT

ITS SO GODDAMN NONCHELANT ABOUT IT SHERLOCK IS JUST LIKE YEAH I WILL IN FACT NOT BE MENTALLY HEALTHY IF YOU ARE NOT WITH ME 24/7 BUT WHATEVER YOU DO YOU /S

I'd like to apologize to watson on sherlock's behalf lmao. man is being a bit too codependent on main

The last thing about sign of four I do need to address is yeah, there's the Horrific Amounts Of Racism in that one and the whiplash hearing it is just ridiculous because they seem to be so knowledgeable in all other areas and fairly... politically correct, taking sherlock's original misogyny as a purposeful character flaw, but then they just mention someone indigenous once and suddenly its all parrotting racist propaganda and just... really awful shit. There's no way I'm gonna speak for the group that just got absolutely hate crimed here but anyone can tell the author just has no clue what he's fucking talking about and it's physically painful.

And I don't know, it's just so bad it seems out of character? Doyle's making these motherfuckers say shit that honestly, Sherlock would know better about. And especially Watson. Come on, you cannot tell me watson is mentally capable of being prejudiced against someone. Please do not make him that way.

I'm not sure how to handle it specifically, or what's the proper way I should handle something like that in a media I otherwise like. Is it ok to say Doyle was clearly a piece of shit on the matter and separate those characters from his bias or is that insensitive?

I don't know, I was Not a fan of it and I'm glad to see they've at least finally shut up about the guy

But anyway yeah, uhhhh onto the short stories because I'm trying to read those before I get to the final problem

Scandal in Bohemia was a fucking ride, first of all, before we even get to Sherlock's girlboss arc we have to discuss how gay the whole situation was and how Doyle's attempt at making them less gay failed spectacularly

Like he's all "ah yes I need to marry off watson and uhhh make sherlock ummmm interact with a woman so they dont look gay" but he does it SO BADLY that it makes them look EVEN GAYER

cause i mean, even the conversation they had about watson getting married back in sign of four was gay af, but how Doyle handled things afterward was in no way straighter.

Cause you know, the man kind of wrote himself into a corner with the fact of Watson narrating these stories. So Watson has to be around to witness them, and to witness Sherlock's own thought process rather privately, so he has to be around sherlock at night, a lot. But trying to come up with a reason for that happening just... it didn't occur to Doyle. He just went. Ah yes this makes sense. And it's Watson just like Sleeping Over At Sherlock's like every other goddamn day and every time his wife leaves town and having them basically still live that cute domestic home life but they have absolutely no excuses for doing it anymore. It's quite funny

Like it was gay already the way they interacted when they officially lived together but it was like, a necessity for them. Now it's not, Watson just comes over because he goddamn wants to, and it's hilarious to me.

LIKE IDK I THINK THEY KIND OF BROKE UP FOR A YEAR OR SO BC OF WATSON GETTING MARRIED AND THEY LIKE DONT HAVE CONTACT WITH ONE ANOTHER BUT ONE DAY WATSON JUST INEXPLICABLY HAS THE URGE TO COME VISIT SHERLOCK ON NO NOTICE AND THEN SUDDENLY THEY ARE TOGETHER NEAR 24/7 AGAIN LIKE BARELY ANYTHING CHANGED AHIEHOEWH

SIT DOWN AND TRY TO TELL ME THOSE ARE NOT HOMOSEXUALS

Watson walks in on no fucking notice after a full year and Sherlock is just. In the middle of some experiment obviously but hes like

Sherlock, carrying around unidenfiable chemical mixtures: W A T S O N you look good you look good! i see you've gained seven pounds!!

watson: uh. thanks??? Hey lol *awkwardly waves* Uh um Wanted to Uhm sEe you

Sherlock: ABOUT gODDAMN TIME AND YES WONDERFUL LOOK LOOK SIT DOWN I HAVE THINGS TO INFODUMP ABOUT

watson: :) ok :) *turns to camera* and we were back to the old days

sherlock: makes a deduction

watson: wowwwwwwwwwwww !! so true bestie !!

sherlock: !!!!!!!!! :))) !!!!! :))) uh fuck im supposed to be smooth Its Elementary Lol

watson: *turns to camera* when i stroke his ego like this and compliment him he blushes like a girl like i just complimented his dress so i do it more because he likes it. this is a homie trait

watson: well i should probably get going! my wife will notice that i am gone my dear buddy bro homie!

sherlock: NO DONT LEAVE IM LOST WITHOUT YOU (pretty much a direct quote lol) your. wife doesn't. get back home until monday. I know this because I am smart and definitely have not been stalking you.

watson: alright :)))))

AND THEN HE FUCKING SLEEPS OVER LMAO FUCKING HOMOS

So yeah they're right back where they were before pretty much and there's a case bc of course there is

And honestly I think this short story specifically was so insane mostly just because of how absolutely fast it all went. Yuumori kind of made me believe the original Irene Adler was more of an important character than she really is? And I think that's. Honestly so funny. Motherfucker shows up for ten pages, girlbosses her way around town, and changes sherlock's entire opinion of the female gender while still keeping him gay?

LIKE NO LOL SHES NOT IN ANY WAY A LOVE INTEREST AND WATSON GOES OUT OF HIS WAY TO SPECIFY THE FACT THAT IN NO WORLD WOULD THEY HAVE BEEN ROMANTICALLY INVOLVED BECAUSE. SHERLOCK. DIDN'T DATE WOMEN.

HE WAS JUST??? SO IMPRESSED AND SHELL SHOCKED BY HER EXISTENCE HE DECIDED IT WAS TIME FOR GIRLBOSS APPRECIATION DAY TODAY AND ALL DAYS HENCEFORTH???

AND THEY HAVE LIKE O N E INTERACTION?? God, the power this woman(?) has. Watson looks at her once like. damb shawty 😳 and she's like "no<3" and he's like FUCK

Like yeah it's pretty much just the king walking up like "help girl the whore is blackmailing me" and sherlock being like "ok lol this will be easy" and then it proceeded to not in fact be easy or even possible

sherlock like... posed as a dead body and tried to get her to give up the location of the photo but she out-acted him and skipped the town the next day after doing the 'good night mr. sherlock holmes' thing with sherlock completely tricked

and she just. sends a letter like "dear sherlock holmes. you're a fucking idiot and i think it's funny that you lost. nice job tho mad respect" and sherlock just SHORT CIRCUITS

the king comes back a bit later like "hey Dude where's my Photo" and sherlock's like oh yeah uhhhhhhhhhhh about that and the king is like HOW COULD IT POSSIBLY HAVE BEEN THAT GODDAMN HARD i would have dated someone more noble if she wasn't so pretty i swear im on a whole different level from her

and then. GIRLBOSSIFIED SHERLOCK HOLMES RESPONDS "from what I have seen of the lady, she seems indeed to be on a very different level from your majesty" ABSEHHESHEFHHFES ROASTED

and the dude just LEAVES

After that I read a few more of the short stories and well the highlights I got from that pretty much were these conversations

Watson: sherlock. honey. have you. eaten anything today

Sherlock: IT DIDNT OCCUR TO ME DEAR WATSON

Watson: ITS FIVE PM

and:

Sherlock: *having one of his Moment Moments at three in the goddamn mornig* GRRRR CRIME ISNT WHAT IT USED TO BE

Watson: MY DEAR SHERCOCK WHAT IS CRIME S U P P O S E D TO BE LIKE ACCORDING TO YOU

Sherlock: no one's original anymore fucking copycats

Watson: so you want the criminals to make things harder for you specifically.

Sherlock, exasperated: yes!

I love them your honor.

[ambiguousdisorderken]

personal stuff 🙃 do ignore 💙

so tuesday im going to the gyn and actually expecting a pcos diagnosis (and rooting for it can you believe) . from what i've read in most cases patients get birth control prescribed to help balance their hormones and i guess that would help with my symptoms as well. but i went down a reddit thread, as one does, and there are some bc experiences there i would not like to go through thank you very much. i know so many people take for different reasons and they do alright but i swear my body has a knack for doing a crappy job whenever one has to be done :/

another thing is. god fuck.. is pcos gendered 🙄 not helpful, makes me angry to even do research. like. whatever but also why. anecdote: i've heard irl/online happy comments saying the pill made their breasts bigger.. . boy. i do Not want that. i have enough issues as it is without having to worry about a cleavage situation. again. i have a whole chapter dedicated to that kinda trauma.

how do you go about pcos treatment seeking with a doc when you aren't a cis woman whose primary concern has no relation to yours ? i was on the pill like 5 years ago and idk if it helped (more issues ha) or if in the long run it was a contributing factor in the awful nosedive my mental health took when i stopped taking it. some say it only masks the symptoms but then what, take it forever? it wouldn't be so unattractive a prospect if it weren't for the low to non-existent sex drive and the mood swings i think i remember having back in the day. plus. who has the money. not me rn. i feel so whiny and pathetic complaining about this, apologies i guess. my only excuse is that i put this mess of a rant under a read more, if you're here that's on you

fuck. i don't know what the point of this post is tbh. i wish i could chug some metformin to deal with some symptoms and call it a day but my last panel showed regular blood sugar levels and most other results were fine as well. and then what if they're like ' oh it's not pcos' , what the fuck is it then .

god. i still need to see the endocrinologist. so far 80% of the times i've gone outside my house this year have been due to doctor visits. stress wise im doing alright but my body is failing me so bad rn or maybe i fucked it up and now it's just a big what the fuck am i supposed to do.. i could go on forever. just. i want to sleep and sleep and sleep and sleep and sleep and sleep im just so tired

[ghostofcitrus]

i’m just posting bc idfk it’s my blog?? i’ll do what i want lol

vent post. just ignore if ya want. or don’t. whatever tbh.

i do feel icky rn. anxious. idk why. reality is Too Much.

i don’t have friends to talk to and my bf doesn’t rlly get this stuff so whoever happens to read this will. i wish i had someone to talk to rn but oh fuckimg welllll

my brain is not my friend right now. it won’t stop gendering everything i do. i keep feeling like all of my mannerisms and personality is to “girl” to not be girl. i don’t fucking know. i don’t know i don’t know i don’t know. i’m stressed and scared and anxious. i’m afraid that i’m actually just a cis girl and all of this was just rediculous and i have other issues idk. or maybe i was just wanting to be in a community. bht i don’t know why do i keep doing this to myself??? i don’t want to deal with this.

my brain is simultaneously deconstructing and reinforcing the gender binary. deconstructing in the sense that the more i analyze it the less sense it makes, and reinforcing in the sense that i just fuxking csnt let myself break out of it. i keep forcing every single little thing about myself into a binary box. and yeah i guess a lot of it matches a stereotypical girl. i guess. i like femininity. i don’t feel like a girl. i like femininity tho. a lot. not a girl. but what if i am????????????

i don’t recognize myself in the mirror. but when im talking and doing shit i just feel ,,, like im so noticeably a girl. no matter my appearance i keep finding a way to shove myself baxk into a box. do cis girls think like this?????? everything i do. “wow i’m getting ready for bed while talking on the phone with my boyfriend this seems like a Girly thing. you just must be fuckimg faking” “youre face is so feminine and your body is curvy. if you don’t hate every “female” identifier then you’re just a gnc girl” FUCK i hate this i hate this i hate this i hate this i hate this. and i don’t think i’ll be able to get a flat chest. i feel like i’ve tricked myself into believing i jusy woll happen but i don’t fucking know. i don’t know. i thouvht it would i thouvht itd work oht but i. DONT KNOW i don’t know. i want to look androgynous/vaugly boyish but be feminine in that way. that’s what i want. fuxk this i hate this i hate this. someone tell me if this is normal or if i’m faking or what i am i don’t know

and i’m just anxious. about my future. abohr my present. about the world. about the fact that there’s BILLIONS of other people. the world is MASSIVE i csnt comprehend it. i want the world to be as small as my neighborhood. that i can conceptualize. i just can’t think of anytbing else i csnt do it it won’t fit into my brain. future financial anxiety. i think i’ll end up having to get two jobs. i won’t go down that rabbit hole in this post. but i’m scared. i csnt handle that. i don’t know what capitalism is really going to do to me.

i feel like i’m not allowed to live my life as non-binary. theres not a place in society for that. i have to choose. i have to conform. i don’t want to be a debate. i don’t want to have to argue for my validity or panic at every turn. i don’t want to be shoved into a place. i don’t want to “pick”. but i do. and so,,, my brain forces me to do it to myself in private. i hate it. i hate this.

ugh. i’m calmer now. bht still upset. i csnt sleep. i’m anxious. a lot of things are upsetting me rn. i wish i had someone who it felt like the understood. i loce my boyfriend. i really really do. but he csnt get everything. he’s not autistic so he doesn’t get that experience which feels isolating bc i have autistic friends and the same goes for non-binary. whatever

i’m going to try to sleep now. i’m gonna post this. prob take it down later? i just want other people to see. or talk to me or something. idk honestly. sorry i’m just,,,ugh. i’m finally tired after a few hours of not being able to relax tho. so i’ll try to sleep now. thanks internet void?

anyways i hope if you’re reading this you’re able to recognize how lovely and deserving you are. thanks for reading and sorry lmfao <3

[rvseate]

welcome  to  bee  tries  to  write  a  coherent  intro  challenge  !

(   𝘩𝑎𝑙𝑒𝑦  𝑙𝑢  𝑟𝑖𝑐𝘩𝑎𝑟𝑑𝑠𝑜𝑛  &  𝑟𝑒𝑏𝑒𝑐𝑐𝑎  𝑟𝑖𝑡𝑡𝑒𝑛𝘩𝑜𝑢𝑠𝑒   )   bopping  along  to  𝐬𝐩𝐚𝐫𝐤𝐬  𝐟𝐥𝐲  by  𝐭𝐚𝐲𝐥𝐨𝐫  𝐬𝐰𝐢𝐟𝐭  is  𝐏𝐄𝐍𝐄𝐋𝐎𝐏𝐄  𝐁𝐔𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐍𝐀𝐍  ,  the  𝐭𝐰𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐲  𝐨𝐧𝐞  year  old  𝐜𝐢𝐬  𝐟𝐞𝐦𝐚𝐥𝐞  thrown  back  to  their  𝐬𝐨𝐟𝐭𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐞  𝐞𝐧𝐠𝐢𝐧𝐞𝐞𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠  days  with  𝐬𝐨𝐦𝐞  of  her  memories  .  voted  𝐦𝐨𝐬𝐭  𝐥𝐢𝐤𝐞𝐥𝐲  𝐭𝐨  𝐛𝐞  𝐨𝐧  𝐭𝐡𝐞  𝐛𝐚𝐜𝐡𝐞𝐥𝐨𝐫  ,  𝐏𝐄𝐍𝐍𝐘  was  known  for  being  𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐬𝐜𝐢𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐮𝐬  &  𝐬𝐲𝐜𝐨𝐩𝐡𝐚𝐧𝐭𝐢𝐜  ,  go  figures  you'd  always  find  them  𝐫𝐞𝐜𝐫𝐮𝐢𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠  𝐧𝐞𝐰  𝐬𝐨𝐫𝐨𝐫𝐢𝐭𝐲  𝐦𝐞𝐦𝐛𝐞𝐫𝐬  ,  but  grew  up  to  be  𝐞𝐦𝐩𝐚𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐭𝐢𝐜  &  𝐢𝐧𝐭𝐫𝐚𝐧𝐬𝐢𝐠𝐞𝐧𝐭  .   ✎   𝑏𝑒𝑒  ,  𝟸𝟷  ,  𝑠𝘩𝑒/𝘩𝑒𝑟  ,  𝑒𝑠𝑡  .

𝐛𝐚𝐬𝐢𝐜𝐬.

NAME  :   penelope  dahlia  buchanan

NICKNAMES  :  penny

D.O.B.  :  june  25,  1989

GENDER  /  PRONOUNS  :  cis  female  /  she  +  her

SEXUALITY  :  biromantic  bisexual

𝐥𝐢𝐟𝐞𝐬𝐭𝐲𝐥𝐞.

BORN  :  san  antonio,  texas

RAISED  :  san  antonio,  texas

CURRENT  RESIDENCE  :  rom  valley  university  dorms  (  past  )   /  san  francisco,  california  (  present  )

NATIONALITY  :  american

SPOKEN  LANGUAGES  :  english

SOCIOECONOMIC  CLASS  :  upper  middle  class

OCCUPATION  :  full  stack  developer

PARENTS  :  glenn  &  tammy  buchanan

SIBLINGS  :  blair  buchanan,  lucille  buchanan,  stella  buchanan

CHILDREN  :  none  (  past  )   /   madison,  3  y/o  (  present  )

RELIGION  :  christian  (  past  )   /   agnostic  (  present  )

𝐩𝐡𝐲𝐬𝐢𝐜𝐚𝐥𝐢𝐭𝐲.

HEIGHT  :  5′5″

BUILD  :   a  little  curvy,  not  much  muscle  definition

HAIR  :  dirty  blonde,  wavy

EYE  COLOUR  :  a  murky  grayish  blue

SKIN  :  fair,  prone  to  acne,  easily  flushed

DOMINANT  HAND  :  right

SCENT  :  vanilla  &  lavender

ACCENT  :  texan

TATTOOS  /  PIERCINGS  :  no  tattoos,  ears  pierced  (  past  )   /   a  simple  hello  world  tattoo  on  her  wrist,  ears  pierced  (  present  )

𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐫𝐚𝐜𝐭𝐞𝐫.

STRENGTHS  :  conscientious,  kindhearted,  intelligent,  affable,  humble

WEAKNESSES  :  jealous,  self-conscious,  intransigent,  pessimistic,  dependent

ZODIAC  :  cancer  sun,  libra  moon

MBTI  :  infj

TEMPERAMENT  :  phlegmatic

MORAL  ALIGNMENT  :  lawful  neutral

HOGWARTS  HOUSE  :  hufflepuff

𝐛𝐢𝐨.

penny  buchanan  is,  and  always  has  been,  unremarkable,  at  least  in  her  own  eyes.  a  christian  sorority  girl  from  texas  ?  they’re  a  dime  a  dozen.  not  to  mention  penny  is  the  second  youngest  of  four  girls,  all  of  whom  look  remarkably  similar.  the  buchanan  girls  came  as  a  package  deal.  penny  spent  every  minute  with  her  sisters  growing  up  (  though  many  of  those  minutes  were  spent  at  war  ),  trying  to  ignore  their  parents’  relationship  crumbling  irreversibly  as  the  years  went  on.  it  was  an  open  secret  that  glenn  buchanan  was  not  entirely  faithful  to  his  wife.  but  they  brushed  it  under  the  rug;  after  all,  what  else  were  they  supposed  to  do,  divorce  ?  now  that  wouldn’t  be  very  christian,  would  it  ?

penny  first  discovered  a  love  for  computers  in  her  sophomore  year  of  high  school,  when  she  signed  up  for  a  computer  class  because  the  boy  she  was  crushing  on  was  taking  it.  well,  crushes  fade,  but  her  interest  in  the  ones  and  zeroes  that  composed  the  modern  computer  didn’t.  the  first  week  of  her  first  year  at  rvu,  penny  cried  herself  to  sleep  every  night.  she’d  never  been  apart  from  her  sisters  for  so  long.  not  to  mention  she  stuck  out  like  a  sore  thumb  in  her  software  engineering  classes,  which  were  overwhelmingly  male  (  and  in  need  of  deodorant  ).  

but  she  quickly  found  a  home  in  the  sorority  sigma  delta  nu,  all  too  happy  to  bake  cookies  for  their  bake  sales  and  play  sidekick  to  the  bolder,  more  outgoing  girls,  as  long  as  she  was  part  of  a  sisterhood  once  more.  she’s  always  defined  herself  by  her  relationship  to  other  people,  and  a  sorority  is  right  up  her  alley.  she’s  a  little  embarrassed  by  her  major,  since  it’s  probably  seen  as  pretty  nerdy  and  masculine,  and  definitely  downplays  it  lmao  even  though  she  loves  it  a  lot.  she  definitely  was  more  of  a  follower  than  a  leader,  so  if  another  of  her  sorority  sisters  had  drama  with  someone,  penny  definitely  stood  behind  them  and  stayed  quiet  instead  of  maybe  forming  her  own  opinion.

totally  into  the  bachelor  lmfao.  she's  seen  every  season  and  lives  for  the  drama  of  it  all.  just  loves  reality  shows  in  general.  also  loves  romcoms.  she’s  a  total  hopeless  romantic  who  gets  crushes  on  people  way  too  easily

WANTED  PLOT  !!!  something  i’d  love  is  if  penny  had  a  boyfriend  in  her  college  days.  super  cute,  been  dating  a  while,  people  probably  expect  them  to  get  married.  but  she’s  secretly  cheating  on  him.  the  drama  !!!  up  to  you  how  much  he  remembers  of  the  future.  extra  bonus  points  if  she’s  cheating  on  him  with  a  girl,  im  so  gay  and  so  is  penny

college  tl;dr  :  penny  is  your  average  christian  sorority  girl,  sweet  but  a  lil  insecure  and  dependent,  Confused™  about  her  sexuality,  loves  software  eng  &  actually  really  good  at  it  but  embarrassed  abt  it.  can  be  jealous  and  honestly  a  little  spiteful.  way  too  concerned  about  her  image

after  college  !!  i  imagine  the  boyfriend  finds  out  about  her  cheating  and  breaks  up  with  her  lol.  she  got  a  job  in  silicone  valley  and  makes  like,  a  lot  of  money  tbh.  she  gained  more  confidence  and  independence,  but  still  tends  to  make  herself  smaller  and  stick  to  the  shadows  while  her  coworkers  get  the  glory.  i  feel  like  she’s  had  a  few  short  relationships  but  nothing  super  serious.  definitely  had  an  okcupid  account  lmfao.  

she’s  always  wanted  to  be  a  mother  and  at  some  point  after  a  certain  amount  of  failed  relationships  she  was  like  …  ya  know  what  ?  i’m  gonna  do  this  on  my  own.  so  she  got  artificially  inseminated  and  now  has  the  cutest  daughter  named  madison.  it’s  been  tough  being  a  single  mother,  but  it’s  been  so  worth  it.

after  the  reunion,  she  remembers  some  of  her  future,  but  it’s  very  much  like  remembering  a  dream,  where  you’re  not  sure  if  it  even  happened.  the  only  parts  she  remembers  clearly  are  with  madison.

𝐰𝐚𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐝  𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐧𝐞𝐜𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬.

these  are  all  lame  bc  i’m  tired  i  am  sorry

ex-boyfriend.  like  i  said,  a  college  boyfriend  who  she  was  cheating   on.  pleaseee

college  fling.  the  person  she  cheated  with.  would  love  this  to  be  a  girl/enby  but  would  also  be  ok  with  a  guy.  taken  by  vivienne  hale

skinny  love.  maybe  they  were  just  friends  but  always  lowkey  had  a  crush  on  each  other,  but  it  never  worked  out  cause  they  were  never  single  at  the  same  time

sorority  sisters.  pleeeease  give  penny  her  sorority  sisters  !!  her  girls  !!

hbic.  penny’s  more  of  a  sidekick,  so  i’d  love  a  female  friend  who’s  more  confident  and  outgoing.  think  like,  jennifer  &  needy  from  jennifer’s  body

classmates.  any  other  engineers  out  there  ??  doesn’t  even  need  to  be  software  engineers  lol

childhood  /  high  school  friends.  someone  also  from  texas  who  penny  knew  growing  up

victims  ?  maybe  some  of  her  sorority  sisters  tended  to  be  snotty  and  mean,  and  penny  just  stood  by  instead  of  standing  up  for  their  victims

one-sided  crush.  either  way  bbyyyy

sperm  donor.  i  know  sperm  donors  are  anonymous  but  how  fucking  funny  would  it  be  if  penny  found  out  the  father  of  her  child  was  an  old  classmate

annoyance.  someone  who  irritates  penny

bad  influence  /  good  influence

[glowstickk]

i wish to know... about your zimverse ocs... they seem pretty neat...

anon u GOT IT i’ve been wanting to talk abt the gang for so long!!!!! when i saw this ask i lost my marbles!!! knowin that someone is actually interested in these guys makes me so happy!!! so!! here they are!!!  also!! apologies that it took me so long to actually answer, i wanted to be able to say all of the lore for lizzie (who hadn’t had her chara arc in rp at the time) and by the time i got her arc done i ran flat outta spoons nbfkgb,, but i got my spoons back and whipped up a few lil pictures to go with this so hopefully that makes up for it!!! oki here we go!! under a cut because talking about five separate charas is gonna get long ndfjkv

ZAPPELINE VOLTAIRE

she/he/they | genderfluid | somewhere between 25-37 y/o zap is basically my main character! she used to be a scientist who worked on interdimensional research, more specifically what the theoretical effects of interdimensional travel/portals would be on the human body and the safety of all of that. at one point the lab she worked at lost funding, but she decided to fuck around there before it got demolished because why not! she did a few experiments on herself, including changing her natural hair color and making it so that she could see an extra color. the latter of which did not work out entirely as planned, because the rods in her eyes didn’t grow in quite right. so! now she has red-green colorblindness in her right eye, and something similar to tritanomaly in her left, which is why she wears those funky glasses!

gonna be honest, i’m still working on a way to properly explain the next bit without it getting super boring or incomprehensible, but tdlr the new colors corresponds to a wavelengths that interdimensional rifts emit, so now she can see interdimensional rifts! she noodles out a way to build an interdimensional portal using some leftover notes from one of her co-workers, and jumps through! she ended up getting too excited about the portal and forgets to make sure it’s stable, and it ends up collapsing the second she gets through. so now she’s stuck in the multiverse! fun! after a bit of dimension-hopping, mad science, and the entire plot of polychrome (a game concept im workin on!!), she lands herself in zimcon!

SPARKPLUG VOLTAIRE

he/they | nonbinary | 5 y/o

sparkplug was originally built by zap to be her impulse control! this did not work! for context, zap used to be a really shitty supervillain before zimcon, so i kinda made sparkplug to be her sidekick/henchman? but in the way that’s like, supervillain is really nice and respectful to their “underlings” and basically treats them as equals and as friends, because i love that trope so fucking much. the original joke was “haha the supervillain has pack-bonded with the box!” but then the box turned into a kid and well! here we are. eventually after just. existing for a while they developed their own personality, and pretty much just became a regular kid! they arrived at zimcon as a box, but later on they end up asking zap for an astroboy-style body! as of writing this they haven’t gotten it yet, but that’s just because the rp’s kinda on pause right now. i do wanna say tho i have a special lil bit of art for it ready that hopefully yall will enjoy!!

ELIZABETH VOLTAIRE

she/her | cis (ew) | 4 years younger than zap

god just. i hate elizabeth! i really do. she’s another version of zap who is basically just an evil boomer who can’t even be fun or dramatic about it. in polychrome, she takes over as the big bad of the game. i feel like she works a lot better in polychrome just because that’s what she was made for, tbh. she and zap used to work together at one point, but due to a lot of arguing, many disagreements and some other Events(tm), started hating each other. she’s literally no fun at all and i can’t really expand upon her all that much without going into spoilers territory so that’s about it for her.

LIZZIE VOLTAIRE

she/they | trans gal | 745-748 y/o

lizzie is a ghost! she’s an alternate version of zap that died before she could ever leave her home dimension. after she died, she was quite literally chained to her death spot for over 700 years. when she died though, she was given a contract that said she could be freed if she got someone to sign it, the person signing it would be able to have her do whatever they want, but once she finished the task she could be free. if the person signing felt that she wasn’t doing a good enough job, they could rip up the contract and she’d be sent back to her death spot. it sounds bad, but it was all she had so she tried her best to get someone to sign! unfortunately though, in the few months where there were still people around, she hadn’t been able to figure out how to get herself to be visible again. just before she figured that out, the world underwent some kind of apocalypse, and all the people were wiped out. so she had no choice but to just kinda sit there and vibe for 700 years.

that is until elizabeth came along! liz signs her contract, and lizzie starts working as a henchman for her. the elizabeth arc happens (which is basically elizabeth helps lizzie possess zap and tells her to erase the con members’ memories, she does this, people are pissed, lizzie gets knocked out of zap’s body, zap dies, comes back, and beats the shit out of elizabeth and later sacrifices her to a crab) and liz decides to send her back for not doing a good enough job. so she goes back to her death spot, and after a night’s stay makes a deal with an eldritch blonde twink to gain her freedom.

REGINALD SPECTER

he/him | agender | a few thousand years probably (boomer)

bastard!! bastard man!! reggie is the one responsible for lizzie’s (and a few other peoples’) death(s). he has a job in the underworld which is basically just “take care of this huge monster that eats parts of people’s identity.” he found that feeding it souls worked best, so instead of finding lost souls he just decided it’d be easier to get some new ones. in order to kill people without getting caught, he disguises all his murders as accidents. lizzie’s happened to be a falling stage light that hit her on the head real hard. it’s not a cool or fun death and it makes her real mad ndjvkdf

lizzie was left there for so long because reggie pretty much just forgot about her. he left her the contract to give her some form of hope, which would keep her from fading away completely, but she was chained there so he could come back when he remembered. when liz signed her contract he got some sort of notice about it, and decided to come back to lizzie later for some shits and giggles. when they met up, he told her if she could find a soul to trade he’d give her her freedom. she accepts, and picks zap to trade, hoping that getting rid of her would help her earn liz’s approval (it didn’t). zap gets sent to this weird hell maze, and when a few others get in the way they get sent there too. lizzie eventually gets talked down from sending more and more people to the hell maze, and she lets them out. she’s tired of hurting people, and wants to give helping others a try! at the moment, reggie isn’t aware that lizzie let them out of the maze (and thus, isn’t gonna give him a soul to trade). if he finds out it’ll be bad, but for now she’s just vibing and trying her best to be nice!

reggie’s very much inspired by hate and dial from tpoh, and a lot of lizzie’s story is inspired by my personal theories on blondie/rgb’s death!! its basically “how many tpoh references can i cram into this: the arc.” it’s unbelievable the amount of shit i was allowed to get away with with nobody calling me out nfjdkvsf

aaaand that’s kinda it!!! i tried my best to make this short and readable, i wrote up something else earlier that was a LOT longer and im much more happy with this version. and if something i said doesn’t make sense or anyone wants to ask anything about these guys or polychrome id be more than happy to answer!!!! thank you so much for reading!!!! <3!!

[normal-thoughts-official]

Ok so some of your content implies immortal Alec and I was wondering how you thought it would happen? I've read a few things where Clary creates a rune/uses the alliance rune to make him immortal (but I don't think you're a real big fan of her) so I wanna hear your thoughts and also maybe Magnus's reaction

hoooooo boy i am GLAD YOU ASKED because i have a whole ass au that i have like. basically all the plot down but my stupid brain can’t turn into a fic so i guess im gonna shove it here and GOODBYE FOREVER 

(also, about the clary thing: it’s complicated diaushduaih because i kind of really hate her in canon but i also accepted fanon clary into my life? mostly because i unfortunately can’t help but ship clizzy, but anyway, i kinda disassociate clary from canon. so i’m not really against the idea that she makes a rune or something, but i do think this idea is more interesting. or maybe it isn’t but then i guess that’s your personal problem because well, you did ask lol im jk btw)

okay so i have one word for you: seelies. hot diggity damn do i fucking love seelies or what

so you know how seelies are the offspring of demons and angels? and there’s this whole thing about demon blood and angel blood not mixing well at all? well, i was thinking, how the fuck does that work. and i came to the conclusion that whatever stronger parent they had’s blood would like, tame the other or whatever, you know? but then what if they had equally strong - or equally weak - parents? like a child of an archangel and a prince of hell, what the fuck happens then? or alternatively the child of some angel janitor and a minor demon, would they even have enough magic?

so i figured if that happens it’s like as if a seelie has an autoimmune disease - their body is fighting itself constantly. for those who have very strong parents, this means that they are decaying quickly, and usually won’t be able to like, survive for long if they don’t do something. for those who have weaker parents, it usually means they’re weak

so these seelies are actually born mortal, and for the ones with stronger parents, pretty much with a lifespan of like, a few days before they end up dying due to the autoimmunity. so what happens for those is, they have this Cool Ritual that makes them immortal and solves all their problems

basically what happens is: seelies are one with nature, correct? but they’re also, like, individuals. so they have their own magic, their own energy, their own life source. right? so what happens to these seelies is, they tie this life/magic source of theirs to that of the universe. they basically become one with the universe fully, instead of just guarding it and being connected to it, they are literally tied to it, so much so that their magic and the world’s magic is one and the same. basically their life is fed by the same source that feeds all life, even mortal ones, and that source is endless, so they become immortal. it’s not a cure per se, since it doesn’t really stop their blood from fighting itself, but it does solve the problem because it has endless energy to keep doing it. and after going through this magical ritual, they become basically the strongest seelies around, because they have access to very strong demonic and angelic magic and the like, natural source of the world. so that’s pretty cool

and this whole thing is like. absolutely top secret, no one but the seelies knows how it works or even that it exists. especially because the seelies used to be basically closed off to outside influences, besides the very few representants they had going to the realms (like meliorn)

meliorn is one of those super powerful seelies, a child of an archangel and a prince of hell, who has gone through this ritual. which is one of the many reasons they’re, you know, a super powerful and respected Seelie Knight, sent to deal directly with shadowhunters and the highest threats they have to deal with, all by themself. no one would be crazy to go against them, because they are extremely powerful. it’s also why they had, to seelie standarts, been given a slap to the wrist for taking clary to twi - i mean, they didn’t even lose their position in a super trusted and highly important job, really? like yes they were tortured and don’t get me wrong, that was fucking awful dude, but i feel like the seelie queen could have been a lot more cruel, could have taken away their job (it would make sense to since they basically committed treason by seelie law) or exiled them, or maybe even killed them. but they got “just” a physical punishment. that’s. weird to say the least

so that’s why, because meliorn actually has a lot of leverage and importance. they have a rare condition, a lot of power that most seelies can’t dream of, and they are extremely smart and have knowledge of the culture of our realm, which most seelies don’t since their realm is closed to outsiders. the seelies can’t afford to lose them. and they know that, too, which is why they went so hard to help clary and take her to twi in the first place - they knew that they would be punished, but that it wouldn’t actually risk their position, or their influence

anyway! with the previous seelie queen gone, i like to think that meliorn becomes the new seelie queen (random hc that no one asked for: since i refuse to believe that seelies have any concept of gender, i think the position is called “seelie queen” because outsiders took a look at the first seelie queen, who’s very cis female-presenting, and were like “ah, is that your queen?” and to seelies that basically translates to just “monarch” in whatever their language is, so they were just like yeah sure. and so the position is called that and they don’t even know that it’s supposed to be gendered and that to outsiders meliorn would probably be called seelie king, they are just like “i am the new seelie queen” and no one of course is going to fucking question why they didn’t gender the position, especially considering how fragile relations with the seelie realm are) or at least is given like, an important position or something. like tbh i don’t stan monarchy so :/ but anyway the point is, meliorn is super powerful, they are super smart, they have knowledge of the mundane, shadowhunter and etc cultures - and after the whole previous fiasco with the jonathan thing and the seelies having been basically kept from the other realms, despite the fact that as parts of nature, seelies should be able to wander between them as they please, i think they would want to start a radically new external policy, and who better than meliorn to help them do it? so yeah i think they would choose meliorn to be their queen. besides, they love the seelies more than anything. they might have disobeyed seelie law, but that was to like, save a whole ass realm lmao, but they’ve always had the seelies best interests at heart, hell, they were willing to be tortured twice for them. so i think they would be well liked, and want this new position, and treasure it not as a display of power, but as an opportunity to lead the people they love into better times

DISCLAIMER: i’m not saying that seelies bad or whatever, okay. tbh i do understand perfectly why they would want to close off their realm with the very real threat that shadowhunters presented, and i wouldn’t be dying to integrate with shadowhunter society either, especially considering that their idea of integration was just genocide and assimilation and the destruction of their culture. okay? but in the process, the seelie law and realm became cruel, first and foremost, towards seelies themselves, and the banishment of them from other realms is. very bad. and after the whole jonathan and valentine thing, the shadow society as a whole is being reconstructed, so what better time to try and create new alliances that won’t implicate into attempts of assimilation, etnocide and so on. it’s a new bet, basically, one that is only possible because shadowhunter society is also in shambles after the near destruction of the world, and this means that seelies have more leverage to try and build something new without yielding to them. and it’s a SLOW process, one that takes years and always has the seelies best interest’s, not the shadowhunter’s or anyone else’s, at heart, okay? and it implicates in shadowhunters giving them many concessions, and the strongest alliances between them are and will always be with the other downworlders - this is also something they are working on, making the different downworlder cultures closer and stronger politically, aiding each other mutually and helping each other reach their political goals. together, the downworlder societies are unbeatable, and the shadowhunters basically have no choice but to accept their demands, especially after so much destruction. plus, at least some of them are slightly more willing to. but it’s mostly a vicious political battle that takes all of them years, not to say decades, to settle

but the fact that the seelies are willing to do it and getting stronger relationships with warlocks and vampires and werewolves (and hoo here i come with my “maia and raphael start a vampires/werewolves alliance” hc because look that rivalry thing is STUPID and i want to see downworlder societies coming closer together and healing after being very obviously pitted against each other due to shadowhunter supremacy) is also what, well, allows the whole thing to happen. they are powerful, and the shadowhunters have no way of taking them on a war, much less now that their forces are well, fragile to say the least

in short! they have leverage now. and that makes it possible for them to try a new external policy that wasn’t in the table before, and their main interest in doing that is helping themselves, because seelies are tired of living in constant fear in a basically military state where they’re confined to the same realm despite them being supposed to be guardians of all of them. like that’s gotta affect their mental health, if they’re one with nature, wouldn’t being kept away from it be like being isolated from your loved ones? isn’t that deprivation? so like. this is about them, not the shadowhunters and how great their society is and how much they want to be a part of them, okay

anyway! so the seelies have designed a plan (because under meliorn’s rule everyone participates in political decisions because hmmm *checks notes* i said so) to make stronger alliances with the other downworlders. the first thing they offer them all is a little token of alliance. to vampires, they offer the possibility of becoming a dayligher - something they can easily do with their angel magic, not to mention, you know, blood -; to werewolves, magical amulets that help them keep their wolf under control, not turning without meaning to and being able to live a relatively normal life if they so choose; and to warlocks, knowledge of seelie magic

and of course magnus in particular eats that shit right UP because he’s a naturally curious person and a genius and a physichist and holy shit i love him so fucking much. seelies have so much more knowledge of physics and magic and their natural workings, so much so that it makes him dizzy because hell, the possibilities, and all the shit he can learn, okay. all this knowledge that was currently being kept away, and the warlocks get to learn about it (or well, part of it. obviously the seelies aren’t going to go around spilling EVERYTHING to them all at once before they even know if their token is accepted and whatnot. but they do teach those who are interested a lot of stuff, maybe create some sort of seelie-warlock magical school/course/programme/look you GET IT to strengthen their relationships as a whole?? boy i eat that shit UP). he’s just losing his mind here

super cute to think about alec coming home to find a very disheveled magnus surrounded by books and notes, hair and clothes rumpled and just a whole mess as he excitedly reads and writes and runs around to get a different book and draw parallels, okay. and alec smiles and has to be like “have you eaten?” and magnus looks up from his books all suddenly like “hm? oh hello alexander, i didn’t see you there”, “have you eaten?” “i don’t remember” “okay, i’ll make you something, you can keep reading” and magnus smiling all like “thank you” and diving right back into the notes in Super Hyperfocus + Hyperfixation Mode as he figures out, like, a thousand new spells (obviously warlocks can’t use seelie magic because they come from different sources they don’t have access to, but like, the knowledge is enough for them to create so much new stuff okay), btw. but anyway, ANYWAY

and to shadowhunters the seelies offer, i dont know, a soggy cheeto or something faiojdsajdasj look it’s not like the seelies owe them so they basically offer a truce and maybe authorization to explore certain parts of the seelie realm in small guarded groups? i dont know, in exchange for them and all other downworlders having a power and a vote in the new shadowhunter laws, and the whole proccess of reconstruction of their society. and the shadowhunters agree, after vicious infighting of course 

so anyway years pass and things are blossoming, downworlder societies are stronger than ever and phucking florishing dude, shadowhunters suck less, seelies finally get to wander around like they’ve been wanting to for centuries, there’s been some neato cultural exchange, magnus is still figuring out spells and shit at an alarming rate to anyone who doesn’t know what a goddamn genius he is. and shadowhunter society is- well, changing, but there’s a kind of cultural war going on, you know, with such a strong shift in paradigm so sudden. the changes in schooling and shit that were brought on by the new accords kind of ensure that the newest generations are getting a very different view and education, but there’s still a lot of infighting from shadowhunters who want to undo all that hard work, which is of course still fragile because it’s only starting

and alec of course takes a primary role in that fight, being the greatest representative of the progressive shadowhunters’ (?) and their downworlder allies’ interests, inside shadowhunter society. like don’t get me wrong it’s not like he’s leading the downworlders, the downworlders are doing all that hard work so they can get their own destiny back into their own hands and not be led by shadowhunters anymore, but within shadowhunter society, alec is a leader and their greatest ally slash eye in the inside, defending the policies that downworlders create and letting them know what is going on inside of the clave. basically preparing a cultural war. you get it

so naturally alec is a threat to conservative shadowhunters and they’re trying to strip him off his runes all the time, and there’s even been a few (quickly failed) assassination attempts, you know, the whole. drama. and he plays an important role for this whole game, and magnus has been studying the whole immortality ritual thing, and yeah, the seelies offer to put him through the ritual

it’s a matter of political leverage (and okay maybe a personal favor to meliorn’s dear friend magnus, but like, mostly political leverage). first of all, making alec immortal gives him a lot of power within shadowhunter society, not unlike meliorn and being the child of super powerful parents. second of all, no need to worry about assassination attempts, they can’t fucking kill him! third of all, clear message - alec has powerful allies, way more powerful than the shadowhunters can dream of, and if shadowhunter society is willing to create real, lasting equality with downworlders, they have a lot to gain. if not, they have a lot to lose, because the seelies have literal power over life and death. also, alec better watch his step, too, because, you know. he owes them that one. they are not stupid, they know alec has been looking for a way of becoming immortal for years now, know how much he desires this. it’s also about keeping his loyalty, and making sure he doesn’t forget, he’s supposed to be their ally too

and there are a lot of like, security things in place. alec will not be able to see or hear anything, he will not be taught how the ritual works (not even warlocks know that yet), he will not be taught about its forces, it will happen in the seelie realm and he will go alone, and no other shadowhunter will be granted that unless the seelies themselves offer at a later time, you know, etc etc. they list off things and precautions he has to agree to for like, half an hour, and honestly they could have added “alec will have to eat a piece of the moon” and alec would be like “okay fine great let’s do this”

magnus is fucking terrified

first, because well, they have never attempted to do that on someone who isn’t a seelie, and while they have figured out a pretty damn good understanding of how it works and are pretty sure it should go smoothly, there’s no way to actually tell. it might not work. alec might regret it. does he really want this? to become immortal? he doesn’t have to say yes, and magnus will not be upset, because he would never, ever demand such a huge sacrifice from him-

and alec’s like “nope i want this let’s go” which only terrifies magnus more because it feels like he’s being impulsive, you know? and he doesn’t know if there’s any turning back from this. but alec is like “magnus, when have i ever been impulsive? i’m not impulsive, i’m just sure of what i want, and there’s no reason to dwell on it because that’s already done.” alec is an expert at dwelling on things, and when he makes a decision, it’s because that part has already been thoroughly done, with every single possible argument being exhausted and taken apart minuciously and careful. there’s no room for doubt anymore, because if there had even a spectre of it, alec would still be ruminating. he doesn’t make a decision until he’s sure, but by god, once he makes it, he is sure, and nothing will stop him

so he reassures magnus of that (“hey, look at me. i’m not doing this on a whim. i have been looking for something like this for years. i’ve given it a lot of thought. besides, the seelies reasoning is good, too; i do want to have the time to dedicate myself to these changes, to building a new society, and with that, i can do it. there’s so much i want to live and see and do, magnus. and i want to do it by your side, yes, always, forever, but it’s not just about that. this is my decision. i’m not doing it for you. you won’t owe me anything because of it. you won’t have to make it up for it. because i’m doing it for myself. okay?”) and magnus kind of chokes up and hugs him and cries because he’s so overwhelmed by everything, the fear and the adoration and the relief of knowing that alec isn’t doing this just because of him, because if he had, magnus would forever feel like he was ruining his life, like he was indebted, like he would have to make up for it. but alec wants this. truly. and he doesn’t have to- worry anymore, this constant weight in his head, that tells him this has an expiration date, you’re gonna lose him. look at how much time you’re wasting with all of this, he’ll be gone before you even notice. there’ll be no turning back, and you’ll regret it forever. and fuck it’s just- so much, okay

so alec hugs him and they repeat to each other, i love you, i love you, i love you, and the next day, alec accepts the seelies’ offer. 

and magnus is- fuck, terrified, because he can’t even go with him, can’t even watch. there’s nothing he can do but wait

but everything goes relatively smoothly and alec emerges from the seelie realm exactly as before, no change to be noted, not even when magnus scanned him with his magic - it’s all still there. still a shadowhunter, still the same runes, the same face, the same hazel eyes, the same smile and voice, and when he hugs and kisses magnus, it feels like just the same

and then i suppose alec can now, like, talk to trees or something, since he’s connected to the whole force of nature and whatnot. i don’t think he would be able to use magic, because like i said, he’s still the same and a shadowhunter so it’s more that his angelic magic is stronger? but he’s fucking immortal dude, and he can like talk to trees, which is at the very least funny as hell (cracky images of alec discussing with some shadowhunter asshole and he’s like, even your SUCCULENT is tired of you!! but i digress)

anyway the point is, it works both in the sense of immortal alec, baby! and the whole political leverage thing, and they basically revolutionize all of shadowhunter society and alec lives to see the results of that besides magnus, and meliorn is the greatest seelie queen ever, and the downworlder societies are all happy and blossoming and getting their best life, and everyone is happy, and the bigoted shadowhunters die and are hated by their own plants. the end