#funny fails 2016

[mayadoesfandomstuff]

I struggle a lot with reading books in text format regardless if it's print or electronic specifically because of a condition that fucked up my eyes really badly that I could only use it like every 40 minutes before needing to rest it again and like every 10 minutes more or less when reading finer text so I've been relying on the audiobook released by Penguin Random House to get into Conclave by Robert Harris and I cannot for the life of me understand what the British narrator is saying when he was talking about which part of Manila Benitez had done a lot of work in besides like Tondo and Bagong Silangan which was still said so horrendously that I needed to do a double take of that part of the book

[merlinssassybeard]

'Ex' husband Gojo - The Aftermath- 02

Tags- smut, angst, cheating, TW seizures, bad mental health of reader

Synopsis- The events of the fateful night of Christmas...

The Aftermath- 01 // series masterlist

24th December, 2016

"Hey y/n! Wanna get some drinks on Christmas? If you don't have any plans! Or are you too busy for us 'poor people'! Haha!". Your friends have called and they joked.

You come from a very lower middle class family. Raised by your grandmother and elder sister(by six years) due to your parents being absent.

It was difficult, you grew up watching your grandmother working at an age where she should be enjoying life and your sister when she should be studying. You grew up knowing what's it like to have nothing.

With a decent education, you and your sister started supporting your grandmother with a decent corporate job until your sister got married to her co-worker.

It was just you, helping financially your grandmother with her medical bills while saving up enough for a decent enough wedding dress to follow your sister's path, where you marry an average man like she did, have kids, take care of your children and man and thats it.

An average life.

But you wanted more.

You prayed. Day and night for an extraordinary life, a life memorable and not like your sister's.

You wanted more from life.

And the Gods heard your prayer.

Your whole life changed when you became an essential part of Japan's prolific Aristocratic family.

The news was everywhere. Its a rags to riches, The modern Cinderella story in everyone's eyes.

It was beautiful.

It was memorable, everything you wanted..

Until it wasn't...

"Uh.. yes i am free.", it felt so different, talking to people you worked with after so long. "What's the timing?", you asked.

"25th, 7pm! At the usual place. Also y/n! Could you maybe bring your husband! I mean we would all love to meet Mr Gojo! He's so funny! Only if Mr Gojo is free that is!"

Ah yes. Mr Gojo, the funny, entertaining Mr Gojo. He has met your friends from work enough times to make an image of the grounded but arrogant, funny rich guy.

"Oh! He-he isn't home. He's quite busy. Maybe next time, i will bring him!", you managed as if there will be a next time!

"Oh(disappointed) , nevermind then. Send my regards to Mr Gojo. And you do not forget to come y/n!"

"Yeah".

You wanted to go out, outside and away from this house of memories, with Satoru, that trapped you. You wanted to breath fresh air and move on.

Move on?

How could you move on?

The fact that you were 3 months in your pregnancy after 4 years of marriage. But you failed to carry the child. You failed to maintain the marriage with the person you love. And you're talking about moving on when its just 2 months?

How cruel y/n, how cruel...

25th December, 2016 || 6.45pm

You got dressed up in a simple black turtleneck, jeans, an overcoat and knee high boots with a woolen cap on.

A thick layer of concealer was enough to hide the under eye dark circles. You put on a red lipstick and went out.

The staff stared at you, secretly though, but nonetheless they stared and judged you.

'Is Lady y/n really pregnant?' One said. "She doesn't have a bump though", other quoted. "Come to think of it, her monthly(period) hasn't arrived either. She is pregnant!".

"When's she going to announce?" One servant asked. "Maybe after Lord Satoru arrives?". "Oh! Maybe on the New Year's eve! Seems perfect timing as well.", one replied.

The servants maybe nosy but they know their places. They know, something so sensitive as the pregnancy of the great six eyes sorcerer's wife, its not their place to give the news to the family.

Generally, almost every household's staffs know about anything and everything that goes on in Gojo household. But the word, luckily, doesn't reaches to their employers most of the time.

But this time, it wasn't just some other light news from the Gojo House and the servants of other households started talking to their employers in no time...

It was already past 11.30pm.

Reunion with your office friends and straight up five bottles of your favorite vodka felt so nice that you almost forgot about all and everything that had gone wrong in your life.

You meet up with your co-workers every Christmas for the last 4 years. Sometimes Satoru would company, sometimes he wouldn't.

Talking about politics, sports and who's dating who, both in the office and among celebrities. These were mostly the topics you spent discussing while drinking.

"Hey, its almost going to be 12. I think that's it for the night guys!", one of your girlfriends announced after a slight glance at her silver wrist watch.

"Whaaat?", your speech was slurred and vision blurry after five drinks. "Isss overrr already? Whyyyy? Less get the party started.."

Everyone chuckled. "Ah y/n san had too much to drink! Now we'd have to drop her at her royal palace!", the other girlfriend smiled, a little jealous of your luxurious life.

"Whaaaaat? Less playyy! C'mon ya lot!", you continued babbling frustrated.

"I'll drop y/n. If its okay with everyone."

Out of all the twelve co-workers, one of them stood up and offered to help you reach home.

He knew none are interested in insuring you reach home safely. Everybody was just ignorant and busy to get back home to be on time for work.

He, Kenzo, always have had feelings for you. From the moment you entered the Office to present, when you're married and babbling gibberish while totally drunk.

Everyone agreed to leave you to Kenzo since it was no secret, the feelings he has and someone like him would definitely make sure you reach home safe and secure.

26th December, 2016 || 12.26 am

The group gave their farewells to each other and went on their way.

You, on the other hand, are so drunk that its impossible for you stand up without your legs wobbling and bringing you down.

Kenzo helped you and got you on the passenger seat of his car and started driving towards your 'palace'.

Your head felt heavy with all the drinks you had. You could hear voices in your head, all distorted, words lapsing onto each other.

"You did this y/n!"

"Because of you y/n your baby is dead"

"Satoru will never love you"

"All you've done since marriage is sitting on top of your husband's fortune... living the life you never had"

"Satoru's family....They were right...Everyone was right.."

"You are just a whore"

"Whore for money"

"WHORE"

You let out a scream and started twisting and turning your head and hands to stop all this annoying gibberish in your head. Your eyes closed tight shut.

Kenzo, while driving through almost an empty road, saw this and was absolutely horrified. He thought you're having seizures so he stopped his car in an empty underground parking lot that was luckily near when he saw you.

"Y/n! Y/n! Are you okay?". He grabbed your cheeks to hold you still while his other hand held forcefully onto your shaking arms. "Talk to me y/n. Talk to me!"

"Talk to me y/n"

You heard.

"Talk"

You opened your eyes, slowly letting in the artificial bright lights hit your eyes. Lips trembling. Cheeks red, tears rolling.

You felt a grasp on your cheeks and lowered your gaze to see Kenzo, worried and sweating.

You let out a sigh and without any thoughts hugged Kenzo.

He didn't know what just happened but if hugging him makes you feel better, he's okay with it. He hugged you back. Caressing your back.

All the thoughts had stopped now in your head.

You calmly pulled away from the hug and locked your eyes with Kenzo's.

He is so handsome, same age as you, has beautiful hooded eyes, his nose, his lips.

You gently brought your lips closer to his and he to yours. You both so close but so far. You wanted to kiss him, he wanted to kiss you.

Your lips brushed upon his and he kissed you. You put your tongue in his mouth and fought for dominance. After a few pants for air, you won, a battle you never won with your husband.

Kenzo pulled back though halfway through. You were puzzled. Didn't he want you? But then you saw him looking at your big blue and white diamond wedding ring.

Oh so thats what it is.

You quickly removed the two rings from your left hand and put the expensive rings onto dashboard. One ring being your wedding band and the other ring was an official platinum-diamond band symbolizing that you are the Gojo Clan head's wife.

In a rush you jumped sat on his lap. Fixating yourself just above his crotch, continuously rubbing your clothed groin over his. You both panted.

You unbuckled your jeans and threw them in the backseat and unzipped Kenzo's pants, about to slide in his member in you. You were so in heat he could see right through you if he'd have to be honest.

He held your wrists and stopped you from doing it...

"Y/n, we shouldn't... its not right... you're married-", he protested with his voice low.

"I decide whats right or not... so shut up and do it already", you growled at him in frustration and just put his cock in your unprepared cunt.

You were finally tainted wholly...

It hurt a lot in the beginning, doing the deed all dry, without any foreplay after so long and after your miscarriage but slowly your body adjusted.

'God! he's so small', you thought to yourself while pushing in Kenzo's 5 inches hard cock in you since for the last over 7 years you've gotten used to Gojo's 8 inches.

This lowly act of yours went on for around 2 hours. Doing it anywhere and everywhere inside the car, in all and every position.

26th December, 2016 || 4.50am

The radio was playing 'Lovely Day' by Bill Withers.

Kenzo was driving you to your house.

You were quiet. He was quiet.

The drive to your uphill estate was easy since it was early morning so the streets were traffic free. He drove his car through the beautiful posh Uphills neighborhood of Tokyo. Your house was almost there.

Each house in this posh area are mindfully distanced to provide full privacy and personal space to the owners. That is why Satoru bought his married house here.

You were looking outside the window with a cigarette between your lips and suddenly your heart skipped a beat, eyes widened, forehead sweating when you saw your husband's black Audi sedan parked in the driveway...

You gulped when the car stopped outside the Gojo Estate's premises.

Door opened, left foot out and you got out. Before entering the gates of your premises, you leaned down a little to look at an equally annoyed Kenzo.

You both didn't share any words or any final looks and he just drove his car as soon as you got off.

He knew what he had done was crossing the line and beyond. It was so unethical to sleep with a married woman, doesn't matter if you were his crush once or not.

You closed your eyes and let out a deep sigh.

"Well technically y/n you are separated and will be divorced soon. So its not cheating. Technically?" Your head convinced you in case when you'd be caught you'll have an argument ready.

You started walking through the cobblestone walkway, a little nervous... Actually, truth be told, you are scared of seeing Satoru. Finding you in your current state at this late hour.

You took one last big puff and then crushed the cigarette with your boots.

You rang the bell once, twice. You started thinking maybe its not Satoru but its Mr Ijichi. Yeah! He's busy anyway.

The door opened just as you were about to ring the third time and all your fears came true...

Satoru Gojo opened the door.

@sindela @dazai-gojo-kinnie @whats-humanity-lol @thewickedofrizz @phantasmia @ghostllyyz @yihona-san06 @Enaaneaen @sweet-almond @Angel_🫶🏻@autumn-slaves @wondermilka @hh0peful @kugisakinobarades @witchbybirth @nineooooo @ssc7514 @Hana-patata @blue_spices @haikyuubiggestsimp @urstepmom69 @hueneve @chayunwoo@waosobii @nadzhaf @yoriichiswife @tiltraumadouspart @kirschtein123 @whoisobsessed @Asala @ashthemadwriter @remnirris @svm666 @voidsatoru @staygoldsquatchling02 @dunnowhy-m @nnasv @violetmatcha @dummyf @Noblog @Littledemoness15 @shaiah @iluv-ace @mmeerraa @angellyah @0bakuzan @waxhers @chanelmalandro @shoutobrainrot @angrydaughter @Screw-aebi@asdfghjkl7things @kodzukenwhore @gabile18 @bollockswhy @pelicanpizza @electro-supremacy @Zatannaswifeblog@spam-and-eggs @guenievresworld @b0scuit@aliventboo @marit332 @ieathairs @hells-escapees @no-name222

Aplogies, tags are CLOSED

[swan2swan]

My tentative CampFam calendar for 2016 (note: all birthdays are very subject to change except for Bumpy's and Kenji's):

Jan: Ben becomes "Brave"

Feb: Eggs in lab hatch > Kenji's birthday > JW's primary generators fail > Ben defeats Toro > Mitch and Tiff arrive > E750 released

Mar: Darius's birthday > Hidden Adventure > Sammy's Quinceanera

Apr: Scorpios babies born

May: Brooklynn's birthday = Yaz's birthday (it would be so funny) > Mae begins her solo assignment for Mantah Corp

June: Raft failure > Visitor center destroyed Indominus sample acquired > Marooned > Mae discovered > Kash arrives

July: Kenlynn official > Kenlynn Divorce > Yasammy official > Kenlynn official > Return home

Aug: Ben's birthday

Sep: Back to school and therapy

Oct: Halloween

Nov: Kenji Learns What Thanksgiving Is All About (and that Football is Serious Business in the Bowman household)

Dec: Meeting anniversary > Bumpy's Birthday > Incident Anniversary > Double Christmas

[olderthannetfic]

Sending this to you specifically because I feel like you're the only normal brained person about this series.

I read Captive Prince a couple of years ago and liked it fine, as someone who doesn't have a strong preference for or against m/m and therefore isn't well-versed enough in its clichés to notice whether it reads like something full of cliché fanfic tropes. I really liked the use of language, some of the historical/political stuff, some of the ways that the characters are made complicated or unreliable.

The problem is, I've since coincidentally read most of the books that were Pacat's inspiration and. Well. Like 80-90% of the stuff in there has direct parallels in one of those. I'm not sure if there are more than three original thoughts in there.

I am not joking, if you read 1. The Lymond Chronicles and House of Niccolò by Dorothy Dunnett; 2. The Nightrunner series by Lynn Flewelling and 3. The Vampire Chronicles by Anne Rice, you will find that some of the scenes were ripped off beat for beat, many jokes were taken and just lazily reworded, a lot of the character beats and arcs are at best a mashup of 2 or maximum 3 things from those books with the serial numbers filed off really poorly. There's a scene where some characters discover a suicide victim whose structure and descriptions are completely ripped off from another series, except Pacat fails to see what made the original scene so impactful. A lot of the pretty use of language is also directly copied from those, including some really really specific descriptors. It's so blatant!

And I don't see how people are okay with this! I know people who are fans of several of these works and they're totally cool with it! And honestly if it were some rando's unpublished original project I'd be cool with it too, but as a published beloved worldwide phenomenon with rabid fans? C'mon.

And another thing is, all of the other series mentioned above are balls to the wall insane. She just... she just made it bland. She took off most of the edge and reshuffled the elements into a fairly straightforward MLM love story with some light kink thrown in. It's not a BAD series, but I feel like I'm disappointed that someone read all my favourite books and THAT was their takeaway?

--

I started reading, got to the name of the series and burst out laughing.

And, wow, you brought up something totally new that I hadn't thought about! I'm impressed. Genuinely. Usually, I rant about all the reasons I hate the series while debunking the standard anti talking points.

--

I've read the Vampire Chronicles, but that was in the 90s and I read Captive Prince in like 2016 or after. I had zero recollection of common points. I haven't read The Lymond Chronicles despite years of hurt/comfort fans bugging me to do so, and I think I got like a chapter into the Nightrunner series before getting distracted...

The reason I found Captive Prince annoying and derivative is that it also reads exactly like the original m/m that was available when it was first being written, most notably the work of P.L. Nunn who was extremely famous for horny fan art but who also wrote some original m/m fantasy novels. The scene where they finally bone reminds me heavily of the one from... uh... what's the P.L. Nunn one where the prince creeps on that archer dude and he gets raped because of course and then the prince has to be ~patient~ and it's peak boring 2000s rape recovery tropes?

The rape backstory is not only lifted from Fushigi Yuugi (the author's fandom at the time) but is shared with basically 100% of original m/m from that era. It's sometimes the uncle, sometimes the stepfather. One single time that I can think of, it was the foster brother, but mostly it's that "funny uncle" type. Unless it's gang rape from a bad Gundam Wing fic. That was also everywhere.

Once somebody told me the author had previously shipped Tamahome/Nakago, I realized that they'd taken what would be a kind of unusual anime ship and made it a thousand times more boring by dumbing down the scary, tall general with the tragic backstory into an uke-appropriate waif.

So I guess what I'm saying is that there may be some inspiration you aren't familiar with, but it's the same story as what you said above: this is the blander remix.

--

As for why people are okay with this... honestly, most of the people who really adore the series whom I've talked to point to how it encapsulates the exact tropes and tone they loved in anime fic circa 2000.

As a fellow weeb, I loathed the tone of said anime fic circa 2000 and could not wait for tastes to change, so Captive Prince is a hideous blast from an unlamented past for me.

I think most people who love the series aren't familiar with its inspirations. Those that are may have consumed them quite a while ago and don't realize quite how direct the parallels are. Or, for the inspirations that aren't overtly canon m/m, the lure of it being Exactly Right may overshadow other things.

(They also mostly haven't read 90s fantasy doorstops that actually contain political intrigue, tactics and strategy. Captive Prince is a piss poor entry into this genre and should be recced for m/m, not this other stuff people constantly think is in there. None of these characters can reason their way out of a paper bag.)

More than any of that, there's a lot of love left over from when the series was a serialized original story on Livejournal in an era when we had vanishingly few original m/m works, especially long ones in a fantasy alternate world.

I think that is what gets it a pass when a new m/m novel presented as "m/m romance" or posted on one of the webnovel sites would be mocked for unoriginality. Many Captive Prince fans aren't (or weren't when they read it) all that familiar with the smorgasbord of original m/m available today. Many are unfamiliar with anime fanfic circa 2000, so this feels adjacent to the fic they've read but a little fresher... instead of like the week-old sardine tin I found it to be.

[tobiasdrake]

one of my favorite moments from the 2016 Doom game is where Doom Guy is fucking up some of the tech in order to beat the demons, and he takes care to save the AI assistent connected to it. A lot of characters who aren't hyperviolent killing machines wouldn't have been written as valuing the life of an AI enough to save it, but Doom Guy does, and that's great

Oh, yeah. As Hyperviolent Manly Men go, Doomguy is one of the most sincerely, genuinely heroic. Not just in terms of "Great man doing great thing" but he genuinely cares about others. His relationship with Daisy and the fact that he's doing all this for his precious bun-bun is funny, but also a demonstration of his big heart.

Doomguy cares so much.

One of Doomguy's biggest standout moments to me is midway through Doom 2. Humanity is trying to escape the overrun Earth but the demons have a barrier stopping them. Someone has to stay behind. Doomguy doesn't even consider getting on that ship; He blazes a one-man trail into their base and opens the barrier so that the rest of humanity can escape, then sits down and waits to die.

He legitimately tries to sacrifice himself for the good of the world. And the only reason it doesn't take is because someone transmits the location of the demon portal to him, and he decides to go down swinging instead. And then fails at that successfully.

Doomguy is genuinely a protector. He gets mad at people who do dumb shit like trying to harvest energy from Hell and put everyone else at risk. He is frequently uncooperative, listening to what others tell him but deciding on his own initiative what to do with their advice or instructions. But his ultimate endgoal is to close the Hell portals, make the demons go away, and save the world.

Preferably with himself on the other side of said portals so he can continue to have justice for Daisy.

Also, fun fact, he's Jewish. Doomguy is descended from Wolfenstein's Hyperviolent Manly Man B.J. Blazkowicz, who single-handedly killed the entire Nazi army and then shot up Hitler. I just think that's neat.

[sugar-coat-it]

Mask kink with 2016 Halloween Matty <3

This is so specific, idk who the fuck is going to read this. Anyways, I’m a slut, hope you like my very niche love for Kylo Ren Matty (IT’S LITERALLY DECEMBER TOO, HALLOWEEN IS SO OVER I NEED TO BE PUT DOWN)

Fem! Reader 

Contains: Mask kink, unprotected penetrative sex (riding), low-key filthy dirty talk, praise, degradation (light), kink exploration, pussy slapping, hella pet names, them being sweetie pies 

—----------------------------------------

Matty is preparing his Kylo Ren costume for his Halloween show, totally unaware of his girlfriend’s raging mask kink.

—---------------------------------------

“Right, if I look like a wanker, I need you to just tell me!” Matty shouts from the hotel bathroom.

You smile to yourself as his voice echoes through the room, having been patiently waiting for him to show you the big surprise he had planned for the show in a few weeks on Halloween. 

“I’m sure it’s fine, Matty!” you call back, trying to coax him out of the bathroom.

Finally, he obliges, swinging the bathroom door open dramatically. The second he steps out, he’s swinging around a red lightsaber, trying to imitate the noises they make in the movies, all while dressed as Kylo Ren. Your eyebrows raise with a surprised laugh as he comes towards you, pretending to slice you with the fake, light-up lightsaber.

“Nah, never mind, I definitely look cool as shit,” he gloats, and you can tell he’s got that boyish grin on his face even from under the mask.

Your boyfriend tosses the lightsaber down onto the bed, now holding his hand out like he’s using the force. You give a playfully unimpressed stare, crossing your arms as he continues his antics.

“I’d force choke you, but you’d probably like it, you slut,” he rasps, trying to sound like Adam Driver but failing so miserably. He barely got the sentence out before he started giggling his loud, unfiltered laugh.

“Very funny,” you say straight-faced, pushing his tensed hand away from your face.

You take a moment to fully drink in the sight of him now that he’s not flailing the lightsaber around. He was draped in all-black fabric, leather gloved hands, and a mask covering all his features except a slit for his eyes. You swallow thickly, your mind going places it definitely should not because of a silly costume. 

“Yeah, you look cool, I like it,” you smile, trying not to be obvious with the way you’re attempting to process all of this… your gorgeous boyfriend wearing a mask like that, making a simmering feeling pool deep inside you.

“Uhuh. The band’s all gonna dress up like Star Wars characters too, it’s really mint,” he grins, practically bouncing on his heels with how excited he is about the little theme they put together.

As lovely as it all is that the band is doing a themed Halloween show, and it’s Star Wars, and Matty seems thrilled, you’re a little preoccupied with the way he looks with only his pretty brown eyes looking back at you through the space in the mask. 

“Are you listening?” he interrupts, cocking his head at you with some sass to the motion.

You sit up straighter on the bed, acting like you’d been burned by the way he caught you daydreaming. You try to think of an excuse, something, anything, but what comes out is:

“Yes, I’m listening, but also, you look far too good for someone wearing a Star Wars costume you got off Party City.”

You can see his eyebrows raise through the slit in the mask, an amused laugh coming from his throat. Clearly, he didn’t expect the rushed response of praise to come from your lips. Silently, he steps closer. You don’t need to see his face to know he’s smirking, growing emboldened by how enamored you seem at the moment. He places a gloved hand on your chin, holding it to force you to look up at him as he towers over your seated position. You can feel heat prickling at your cheeks at the intense eye contact, his eyes are dark, from what you can see. 

“What? Is it cause you fancy Adam Driver?” he teases, running his thumb over your jawline. 

You shake your head at him, eyes wide as one of your most secret fantasies comes to life. Never in a million years would you have asked Matty to do something like this for you, but now, your wet dream has practically fallen into your lap. With his free hand, he reaches up to start to take the mask off, but you quickly reach to grab his wrist, your body moving faster than your brain. Matty freezes, you can practically see the cogs in his mind turning as he tries to figure out why you stopped him. He’s silent, waiting for you to explain yourself as he raises a puzzled eyebrow at you.

“Could you… keep it on?” you suggest softly as if slowly dipping your toe into the pool of possibilities.

“Keep it on?” he echoes, an amused tone to his voice like he’s not sure if you’re playing with him or not.

You nod slowly, looking a little nervous to be broaching the idea. He chuckles, a newfound darkness to his voice as it starts to click for him. He grips your jaw a little tighter, a glint in his eyes that you can’t quite read.

“Ohh, I see,” he says lowly, now moving to sit on the bed and swiftly pull you into his lap.

You swallow hard, anticipation pulsing in your veins as you settle on his lap, his leather-gloved hands resting on your hips. You can see the way Matty’s eyes sparkle with mischief now that you’re closer, only able to read his expressions through the slit in the mask. There’s something thrilling about it that you can’t put your finger on. He leans in, getting closer to your ear, voice slightly muffled by the plastic as he whispers to you, using this newfound discovery to his full advantage.

“Have you got like a kink for that or something?” he teases, knowing full well that you must if you’re reacting the way you are.

You’re silent, lips pressed together in a thin line as you neither confirm nor deny his accusation. He gives your hips a squeeze, a triumphant chuckle rumbling in his chest. As slightly embarrassing as this all is, him having this edge on you is making you hot and bothered. 

“Aw, my dirty girl,” Matty coos, his thumbs now rubbing little circles into your hip bones.

Your breath catches in your throat at that. You’ll never be used to how his silver tongue always seems to conjure up just the right words to get you soaked. Your boyfriend’s talent with words doesn’t just extend to his songwriting, he’s also the filthiest dirty talker you’ve ever heard. 

“Y’know, if you didn’t want to see my mug while we fuck, you could have just said so, fucking hell,” he laughs, holding a hand to his chest dramatically in mock offense. 

“You know that’s not it, Matty,” you quip quickly, with a roll of your eyes.

“I know, I know,” he relents, bumping his forehead against yours apologetically. The gesture is a little more awkward than intended with the mask on his face, but it’s still cute. 

A moment of silence passes like neither of you knows where to go from here. You’ve never actually considered the logistics of your little infatuation. Deciding to make a move and break the tension, you slowly lift your shirt over your head, watching as Matty’s eyes instantly flick down to your chest, letting out a little satisfied hum as his gloved hands slide up your sides. Skilled fingers circle around your back, undoing the clasp of your bra in a split second. Letting out a shaky breath, you let the sensation of the cool leather of his gloves on your tits put a haze on your mind. The roughness of where they’re stitched together grazes over your nipples as he cups your breasts. 

“How’s this gonna work? I can’t even kiss you,” Matty pouts, giving your nipple a pinch between his thumb and his forefinger. 

You whine, back arching at the sudden rush of pleasure he allows you, shamelessly sliding further down in his lap. Your hips are right over the slight bulge in his trousers now, you bite your lip at the feeling. Need is clouding your thoughts as you try and piece together how you want this to go, lewd images flashing through your head. 

“I can still ride you though,” you suggest, rolling your hips down against his to punctuate your point. 

Matty grins beneath the mask, you can see it in the way his eyes twinkle at you. He circles his thumbs around your nipples, relishing in the way your back arches so prettily for him as he does it. He only grows harder as you grind onto him, a little grunt leaving his lips at the delicious friction. 

“I like the sound of that,” he murmurs, eyes growing more lidded at the idea, “Should I take everything off but the mask, then?” 

You nod at him with an excited smile. Matty can’t help but chuckle adoringly at how eager you seem to try this out. He claps his hands down on your ass suddenly, making you squeak as the resounding smack rings out in the quiet hotel room. He then carefully moves you off of his lap to shed himself of the cheap costume, making intense eye contact with you as he undresses. That’s one thing about Matty, he absolutely loves making you squirm with unflinching eye contact, whether he’s fucking you or just trying to get you riled up. And you’ll be damned if it doesn’t work every time. 

With your clothes and his costume in a pile on the floor, he sits against the headboard, his cock hard with pearls of precum dripping against his stomach. He watches you through the slit in the mask as you approach slowly, crawling over to him with the eyes of a siren. The tension is thick in the air as you sit on his thighs, his hands instantly finding their way to your sides, tenderly running along your skin. A shiver licks up your spine at the feeling, but you need so much more than just his fingers ghosting along your body. Your heart thrums in your chest as you stare down at him, totally bared to you except for the mask, his tattooed skin on full display for your eyes to devour. 

“It’s hot as balls under this thing,” Matty grumbles, his hot, heavy breath making it warm under the mask, it’s only getting worse as he gets hornier. 

You give him a look and he tries to relax his body with a sigh, much more intent on pleasing you than anything else, he just likes complaining. His head goes slack with a thunk of the plastic mask against the headboard, making him giggle. You just shake your head at him with a smile, now grabbing hold of him at the base of his cock, lifting your hips over him. His fingers constrict at your sides, holding you still so you can’t sink down onto him, making you look down at him with furrowed brows. 

“Don’t you need me to get you ready first?” he asks, raising an eyebrow at you.

You just smile at him coyly, sliding a hand down between your thighs. His eyes are glued to your fingers as you spread your folds for him, showing him just how soaked you are, practically dripping down your thighs. You watch his eyes go wide as he murmurs a breathy “fuck” at the little display. Clearly, you don’t need any preparation. Matty’s hands relax again, allowing you to continue. Looking very pleased with yourself, you run the tip of his cock through the arousal gathered between your thighs, both of you letting out a little sigh at the feeling. Once you felt he was thoroughly slicked with your honey, you align yourself with him and sink slowly, mewling at the feeling of him stretching you out inch by inch. Matty’s head tilts back with a moan as you envelop him perfectly, fingers digging into your hips.

“Ohh, god. Perfect little fucking cunt…” he mutters, pussy drunk already and you’ve only just started.

You rock your hips a few times, just letting yourself adjust to the slight ache of him filling you so snugly, placing your hands on his shoulders to support your body. Your clit drags against his pelvis, catching against his skin as you grind down on him slowly, pulling a moan from your lips. Matty’s hands guide your hips, helping you rock back and forth as he watches you like you’re a work of art before him. 

“C’mon pretty girl, go ahead and fuck yourself on me,” Matty encourages, giving your hips a tap with his fingers. 

You whimper at the gravelly tone of his voice as he lets filth spill from his mind right to his lips. You waste no time following his instructions, starting to bounce in his lap with vigor, looking down for a moment to watch as he disappears inside you. You moan softly every time you drop down onto his shaft, tits bouncing as you move, much to Matty’s pure delight. Your eyes squeeze shut as you tilt your head back, focused on keeping up your pace and listening to the sweet sound of Matty’s grunts and moans.

“Mm, hey, need you to look at me, sweet girl,” Matty groans, reaching back to grab a handful of your ass to get your attention. 

Whining softly, you let your eyes open hazily, looking down at him with wet, parted lips as you pant for him. Your thighs are burning as you keep bouncing in his lap, doing your best to not let the pace falter. You don’t have to see his whole face to know he’s smiling right now, his eyes crinkling at the corners through the slit in the mask.

“Talk to me,” you say softly, a plea for him to make you throb and clench around him with just his words. 

“Yeah? Want me to make you cream all on my cock while I talk dirty to you? You fucking love that shit don’t you?” he rasps, pausing with a moan as you clench hard around him, roughly digging his fingers into the plushness of your ass. 

You watch in awe as his eyes roll back, pretty toffee-colored irises almost disappearing beyond his eyelids. Fuck, you don’t even have to see the rest of his features to know how good he’s feeling right now. 

“Fuuuucking hell,” he drawls, “Fucking clenching ‘round me like that, that’s my girl,”

Reaching around to your front, Matty places a firm slap on your cunt, the wet sound of it is honestly pornographic, especially followed by the loud yelp you make at the feeling. 

“Fuck! Matty-” you start, but you’re cut off by your own squeal as he lands a few more quick spanks to your sopping pussy. 

Your hips stutter as your velvety walls clamp around him hard, feeling so good that you almost forget that you’re supposed to be riding him. You regain your rhythm when he begins bucking up into you, aiding you in fucking yourself on him. Your nails dig into his shoulder as you continue, moaning wantonly as he stares up at you intensely, eyes dark with the shadow of the mask. He knows his girl well enough to know that now’s the time to help ease you over the edge into euphoria. 

“Beautiful girl… ohh, just look at you,” he admires, moving to slowly circle two of his fingers around your clit, “Taking my cock like a dream, aren’t you, love?”

You cry out as he starts toying with your clit, inching closer and closer to sweet release as that feeling inside you builds, tightening familiarly. His name falls from your lips like a mantra, your mind too far gone to think of anything else. Fuck, god bless cheap Star Wars costumes from Party City. 

“Matty- Matty, M’gonna cum-” you gasp, your back arching as your orgasm rears its head. 

At that, he speeds up his fingers, hips snapping up into you with a vengeance to get you there. He wants, no, he *needs* to see you fall apart on top of him. His eyes narrow with focus as his skillful fingers rub at your clit, bracing you with a hand at your lower back. 

“I know, I know baby, feels so good, huh?” he coos between heavy breaths, “Such a good girl for me sweetheart, fuck. Cum for me, angel.” And you do, oh, you do. A broken cry wracks through your body, shaking all over as he gets rougher with you, sending you hurdling into the abyss of deep pleasure. Any semblance of rhythm in your hips is gone now, bucking wildly in his lap as the building feeling snaps inside you. Matty watches you with wide eyes, cock throbbing inside you as he relishes in you making a mess of yourself for him. He’ll never get over how beautiful you look when you cum, your head tossed back in a silent cry, the sheen of sweat on your skin making you look like you’re glowing. He gently rubs at your lower back while working his fingers against you, easing you through your orgasm lovingly while fucking up into your tight cunt. You’re an angel to him. He spills inside you with a whine and a rushed warning to you, unable to hold back with how fucking amazing you look right now, shaking on top of him like that. You gasp hazily as you feel his cum paint your insides, warmth flooding you as he finishes with eager thrusts. 

“Fucking hell,” he groans, going limp against the headboard as his arms wrap around you, pulling you against his chest to hold you, deft fingers now carding through your damp hair. 

Your whimpers start to taper off now, just letting yourself rest against your beautiful boyfriend’s shoulder, legs quivering a bit as you feel him start to soften inside you. With a huff, he rips the mask off of his face and tosses it to the edge of the bed. Blinking your eyes open, you can’t help but breathily laugh at how his damp curls stick to his face, he wasn’t kidding about how hot it was under there. 

“Yeah, yeah, laugh at your boyfriend that melted his fucking face off for your sake,” he chuckles, digging his fingers into your sides as revenge. 

You yelp, hurriedly grabbing at his wrists to keep him from tickling you. He just laughs, tilting his head forward to rest it against your forehead now, his damp curls framing his face prettily. He leans down slightly to press a kiss to the tip of your nose. You’re both flushed and smell of sex, skin warm to the touch as you melt into the other's embrace.

“Thank youuu,” you sing, truly grateful that he was so open to trying this for you, “It was really, really hot,”

“Glad you had fun, love. And, y’know, when I’m on stage with this on, I’m only gonna be able to think of you riding my dick,” he grins, hands wandering to give your ass a teasing squeeze. 

Your cheeks burn a bit at his comment, a similar grin spreading across your lips. As fun as this was, you missed seeing that smile. 

“Lucky you,” you whisper, capturing his lips in a tender kiss. 

[celaenaeiln]

What's the deal with fanon Tim bc I read some comics with Tim and I've seen him in cartoons but all I see people talk about is "haha coffee addicted nerd who doesn't sleep!" and that just seems weird and wrong. Like my view of Tim has always been "he's a nice and extremely smart guy who sometimes pushes things a bit too far and maybe a bit set in his own ways/Batman's ways" but now I'm not even sure of that because I really haven't read THAT much (mostly seen him in other series) lol

No you're right!! Anon you're so right!!!

What the heck is up with fanon Tim Drake??

The thing about him not sleeping is actually true though

Detective Comics (2016) Issue #937

Batman: Contagion Issue #11

(I agree with Catwoman, Tim is so cute)

So I understand where the coffee addiction in fanon comes from but Tim's not actually addicted to coffee in the comics. I actually don't recall him mentioning coffee at all. At some point he might have but if he did, then those instances are so little in the grand scheme of things it might as well be called negligible if it's trying to be called an addiction.

But more importantly, Tim is so much more than that!! My favorite Tim Drake aspect of him is how sassy and sarcastic he is, it makes him so endearing!!

UGH NO ONE APPRECIATES HOW MUCH OF A LITTLE SHIT HE IS!!

Robin (1993) Issue #58

CMON CMON CMON LETS TALK MORE ABOUT THIS!!

Tim, you little shit, you know exactly what they say - cause you did it!!

HIS SELF-SATISFIED SMILE!!!

In all honesty I find Tim the funniest of the entire batfamily to read because he's so-he's so wholesomely quirky in a mean way. That's such as awkward way to describe it but reading his comics, you just can't get enough of them because he's just too funny!

At one point he has a massive fever and stuck underground with a bunch of weird kids and one of the girls is just like "please get better, please get some rest!" as she's wiping away his sweat and Tim has like no breath or energy at this point. But with the last remains of will power, he uses his breath to push one last question between lips.

Robin (1993) Issue #70

And as the audience waits in baited anticipation we get this-

Robin (1993) Issue #70

It's actually a very valid question and shows his detective thinking and yada yada yada but THE COMEDIC GOLD OF HIS TIMING!!

Like his situation and his question there's a massive gap that's almost incomprehensible about it all which is why it's so fantastic!!

The way he sasses batman is top 5 fav moments with him.

Azrael: Agent of the Bat Issue #91

Thanks @paladin-of-nerd-fandom65 for finding it again <33

But Tim overall is just like a normal kid. He's what authors tried to do with Stephanie but failed. They were able to make him relatable to the audience because the way he acts, it's so quirky but funny. Yes, he's a boy detective genius but he likes messing with people, he likes solving crime, he likes hanging out with his big brother, he asks for relationship advice, he can get insecure, he can get upset without acting cold, he gets tired, he gets anxious, he's determined, and he's super dorky.

Robin (1993) Issue #25

Like really dorky.

But what I think really defines him is this panel

Robin (1993) Issue #48

This scene is probably what explains him best. Tim is someone who ponders a lot. He thinks constantly all the time whether it's about cases or his personal life, he just goes over the choices he makes constantly because he's just soul-searching alot.

He always means well even if he's awkward about it and he's just a diverse personality overall. The fanon interpretation of his character doesn't really do him any justice because it doesn't address how funny he is or confused or just a likeable, real person in general.

[qi-mera]

what are your thoughts on frozen empire? What are its failures?

Oy Vey…

I've already ranted my thoughts both in posts and in private, so what can I say that hasn't already been said? I'll just try to summarize my main gripes.

The cast is bloated with too many characters and none of them have enough screentime to properly showcase or develop their personalities. It's honestly a shame too, because Afterlife set up Phoebe, Trevor, Lucky, and Podcast as the new main four Ghostbusters to parallel to the OGs, who could be their mentors. Instead we got the Spengler family, along with Nadim, and lars. It's not as tight and focus as it should be, in my opinion. I don't hate Lars, but his inclusion bothers me in particular because his role could easily be filled by other characters. I don't know why he's being pushed as "the new Egon" either when Phoebe was already shown to have so much in common with him.

Speaking of Phoebe, what the Hell were the writers trying to do with her? In her first appearance she was funny, clever, and brave. She had a temper sure, but only when she was pushed to her breaking point. She also knew how to be a team player, working with her friends and family to prevent the apocalypse. In just her second appearance, suddenly she's snapping at her parents, recklessly causing damage, arrogantly taking all credit for saving the world, and preferring the company of a ghostly stranger over people. Disturbingly enough, she develops a morbid fascination with becoming a ghost herself. Where did this come from? She behaves more like Rowan North from the 2016 film. What happened to the determined young girl who stood up to the god of destruction and refused to die? Now she's locking herself into a metal box and painfully electrocuting herself in a scene that resembles self-harm or suicide. All this to separate her soul from her body just to be closer to this girl she's hinted to have a crush on.

Phoebe never needed a love interest of any gender, explicit or implied. It doesn't serve her story when there were so many other interesting things about her that could've been explored instead. How does she live up to the legacy of her grandfather? Is she worried about repeating his mistakes? Does she struggle to be taken seriously as a child doing an adult's job? There were already two other romantic subplots that deserved focus anyway: Callie with Gary and Trevor with Lucky. Adding a third one at this point just comes out of nowhere. Not to mention all the other elements of Phoebe and Melody's relationship that make it weird, like the age gap between the actors or the fact that melody is DEAD. Even if you ignore the flirty undertones and interpret their interactions as platonic, it's still a toxic situation because Melody is only manipulating Phoebe to release the real villain Garakka.

Garakka fails to impress me, too. He has little in the way of personality or motive. His visual design has a striking silhouette at first glance, but it's rather plain compared to other ghosts in the series. There’s nothing about him that suggests the culture he’s from (what was a frost giant/lich doing in India?). I don't understand why they make such a big deal out of his horns either, they're the source of his power yet he's able to do things without them. The horns are also conveniently locked in the same room as his orb, so he's able to quickly retrieve them. They might as well have stayed stuck on his head the whole time! What's so scary about this guy anyway? He's cold, naked, and skinny. That's not scary, it's just me stepping out of the shower.

Well, I guess Garakka deserves some credit for killing that random store clerk. The only on-screen kill in GB film besides Shandor in the last movie, and it’s some poor innocent bystander. Normally I wouldn’t mind such a thing, but it sucks that Phoebe and Nadim are indirectly responsible for this dude’s death through their irresponsibility. All the characters seem incompetent here. The Firehouse and the new lab don’t have adequate safety measures, and apparently Egon never thought to plan ahead for if the containment unit got full. That last point is a non-issue that just wastes time since the lab has backup units and Garakka breaks the main one from the outside anyway.

There are several moments that come across as mean-spirited and cynical, from Podcast crushing the old lady’s watch (that belonged to her late husband) to Lucky and Trevor cracking sex jokes about Nadim’s dead Grandmother. I complain about Phoebe’s attitude, but it’s not like she has a good support network. Her parents are dismissive of her and Ray doesn’t ask her what’s wrong when she asks if he ever wondered what it’s like to be a ghost.

We get a happy ending when Garakka is trapped and Melody crosses over, but it rings hollow when nobody acted as they should. They only acted how the convoluted plot demanded them to.

Oh and those mini-pufts, how I despise them. They were fine in Afterlife but now they’ve overstayed their welcome and become the new minions.

This whole movie feels like a bad dream and as far as I'm concerned, it's not canon.

[pointyhatspointyears]

Then & Now: OCs & Gposing

Tagged by @sparrowsong-7 @l3ylines & @lynxden (thank you <3)

This'll be long and all over the place because I took a very different direction with gposing this years and it's been very uh educational. Learned to use posing tools less than a year ago and it's really given our characters more life and made a world of difference. Old embarrassing screenshots incoming.. (but the point here is to show ~Growth~ and I hope it motivates you to keep improving too. and push through all the bugs and that existential ennui hit when your game crashes before youve taken a single screenshot ;-;)

-

Random sentimental observations first, going through old folders..

My gurl aged. But the older she got the happier we both were. We discovered ✨boundaries✨ together.

Her fem elezen Era of 2013-2014 had a bit of both Gabriel & Theneras in her. Nerdy elf and grumpy elf were always there. Never realized. (also apparently we've always had that annoying light/shadow shimmer effect and it's not just a post DT lighting thing)

Apparently I've been wearing the same outfit since 2018. Sometimes you just put on a hat and your character says Yup. That's me. Forever. You'll just have to find a way to squeeze under. (sorry for +6 years of clipping, sweetie, but it was your gift and I'm never taking it off)

Gabriel and @pocketyoukai's Yuusei were besties since 2016 before they were RP characters. and he'll always be a loving doting dad retainer to her sister.

2020- Goose & Amalthea were girlfriends before we realized they were girlfriends. The ship sailed itself.

2018: discovered GIF making. Tried to put it to good use..

…but I just kept making shitposts. which didn't last long thankfully.

..And I'm glad it was short-lived, because when I focused more on telling stories through gposing, especially this past year, it's like my brain got rewired to view this world differently, through the eyes of a little sprout again. If I was going to use screenshots only and no words, I had to take shots/gifs of different things to set my scene and experiment with angles I wouldn't otherwise have considered (and fail 50% of the time and try something else. timing is so tricky😭)

..not to mention, when you're thirsty and need to work around censorship you also get creative with angles and visual subtext

It's 10x more fun and rewarding, albeit challenging especially if you don't want to use any crime tools. But doable. And just as fun and rewarding. And I want to do more of this (and fail and keep experimenting) next year and see you tell more of your stories your way too. and be inspired by and fall in love with your characters.

..I was very much 100% vanilla, as in not even shaders, until early 2020. And started using posing tools about a year ago. When you say "your characters have more character!" (you know who you are) I know exactly what you mean now and that makes me very emotional ;-; it really wasn't the case until less than a year ago. a lil criminal activity goes a long way.

Also vanilla kisses were so hard to gpose and turned out so funny. Note to self never to /puckerup for kisses. ever. But we did our best and learned a lot. A ton more kissing next year for sure.

-

A little late so not sure who hasn't done this yet. Tagging my new favorite gpose storyteller @quiethealer , @squidzure (you've shown us Rhea's glow-up but where is Birdie's glow-up!), partner in storytelling & crime @pocketyoukai & @pumpkinmagekupo

and if you're seeing this and are happy with the growth you've done lately... doeet. Show me your embarrassing shots and the shots you're most proud of this year.

[crowsintheforest]

2024 is the year where I got a job at a library (huzzah!!!) which meant that I read a lot. and a lot of that was from previous years! so here's my top 10 not of 2024 list, which is 40% books.

(end of year top 10 tag)

a wizard of earthsea (ursula k. le guin, 1968): I can't believe I've never read these books. I love le guin's writing, and excellent podcast "shelved by genre" reading these was a good incentive for me to actually get off my ass and read a bunch of le guin. her book of poetry from 2017 was almost on this list as well, beautiful and funny and old. going to go after more this year!

the seventh seal (dir. ingmar bergman, 1957): did you know that one of the classics of cinema is really good? also really funny? so go play chess with death and think about the end of all things

scavengers reign (joseph bennett and charles huettner, hbomax, 2023): this show made me weep. beautifully haunting and hauntingly beautiful, a scifi story that could be a cosmic horror if you forget that even the horrors are part of a greater ecosystem, and sometimes the horrors are not unknowable but merely unknown and strange. I still think about this show, and probably will for the rest of my life. best show of the decade so far.

look back (fujimoto tatsuki, 2021): putting the manga over the (also exceptional) ova because I think fujimoto's overall artistry hit just a bit harder. a story about the reasons we make art, and the companionship in finding another weirdo to make art with, and how we move on while looking back at what inspired us

a visit to san sibilia (peter eijk, 2021): I tried to play a few solo/journaling rpgs this year, and san sibilia was my favorite. also has a great playlist!

true detective s1 (showrunner nic pizzolatto, hbo, 2014): watched this after finishing aw2 and in the run-up to "night country" (also good, better in retrospect than I gave it credit for at the time), and this classic of Two Weird Dude Cops Coping Poorly with Manhood is excellent television. still bummed it wasn't as paranormal as it could have been, but them's the breaks.

"COUNTER/weight" (friends at the table, 2015-2016): come for the mecha rpg, gorgeous worldbuilding with millennia-old robots and sociopolitical intrigue, and the mashup of space/cyberpunk/giant robot anime; stay for aria joy scoring girls by failing super duper hard. also giant tarps.

gris (nomada studio, 2018): both the game and the ost, so I'm cheating here for a top 10. a story about grief and mourning and song and color, up there with scavengers reign for most beautiful thing I experienced this year.

palestine (joe sacco, 1991-1992): sacco's graphic journalism of his time in palestine during 1991 and 1992 is both of its time (specifically right after the first intifada, with ongoing riots and imprisonment and interviews with palestinians of all backgrounds) and imminently timely (given the ongoing genocide in gaza and israel's occupation of palestine). it's a hard project to read, but invaluable for being incredibly humanizing, and humbling, and necessary. sacco's upcoming collaboration with art "maus" spiegelman is going to be one of my most anticipated comics.

a memory called empire (arkady martine, 2019): do you like political intrigue space operas? do you like murder mysteries? do you like future cities heavily influenced by byzantium and the aztec empires? how about language, linguistics, and the reaches of empire? wait, this is tumblr. do you like messy gays? if so, have I got the book for you! (also the sequel, a desolation called peace, is fantastic, so you've got TWO books in one recommendation! aha, I cheat again at top 10 lists!)

[laswells-ashtray]

Hello I hope you’re doing well ^^

You mentioned how Kate knows a freakish amount of muppets lore, has this ever lead to Laswell going off on a tirade after Shepard and or Price say something about the felt and fabric creatures.

I’m especially interested because we know that Price commonly calls folks muppets, I also just want Kate to scold Shepard for being an uncultured swine.

I really hope I’m not bothering with all these asks, I’m personally happy that someone sees Kate the same way I do. Just tell me if I’m ever annoying you, I fear being annoying to strangers online who I think are radically tubular.

=^.,.^=

You are never annoying me, I love asks especially Kate Laswell related asks. Also, I always look for an excuse to talk about the Muppets.

Making John work with an incredibly professional follow-all rules French man is probably not Kate's smartest idea but neither was the drunken karaoke she did in college so she moves on. John can't.

"Fuck sake, he talks like that stupid fucking frog from that bloody Muppets movie Soap kept playing the other night."

She barely restrains a snort, she'd heard about the sergeant's antics. He'd put on a Muppets movie in their common room and bolted with the TV remote to ensure that neither of the other three men could turn it off. It had been an act if protest of some kind, she hadn't bothered listening that much.

"Frog was Russian." She corrects him without thinking. She's an aunt, of course, she's seen Muppets Most Wanted.

John's head whips around to her with a speed that had to have hurt his neck. "What?"

"The frog was Russian." She repeats.

"Why do you know that?" He asks almost instantly.

She answers him with the same voice she uses to deliver intel of high importance. "His name was Constantine and he was serving time in a Siberian gulag. The frog was Russian."

"That's not what I- Nevermind. The frog was Russian. Frenchman is still a cunt."

"Noted."

Also, because I think I'm funny:

She doesn't like eating her lunch in the vicinity of Shepherd but this is the only time to eat with everything they have at stake right now, they can't leave in case John makes contact. And Shepherd is doing a fucking crossword. A crossword.

She watches Shepherd squint at the newspaper on the table in front of him, muttering under her breath. "The fucking Muppets? Jesus."

She glances over, reading the question as she swallows a bit of pasta. Country guest star on season five, episode 21 of The Muppet Show. Well, it isn't exactly a hard hint, is it?

"Johnny Cash."

Shepherd looks up at her with an uncharacteristic confusion, "What?"

"Answer is Johnny Cash, he was the guest star."

The man looks down at the crossword and she can see him mentally filling in the letters to see if she's correct. She is.

"Huh." The general fills in the answer before looking back to her with a curious expression that he fails to hide. "Would've thought it was Willie Nelson, how'd you know?"

"Willie Nelson never appeared on The Muppet Show, he only showed up in The Muppets in 2016. Cash did The Muppet Show in 1980." She answers, returning her attention to the half-decent pasta in front of her.

"How'd you remember that?" His tone is almost accusing, as if she was lying or being honest to spite him. Bald prick.

"He sang Ghost Riders in the Sky with Mrs Piggy, one of the nieces likes rewatching the show." That's a lie, Kate rewatched it on the rare occasions she indulged in a joint with Sarah.

"Your kids never watch it?"

He didn't talk to either of his kids, they both knew that.

"Hmph."

[brainrot-goes-brrrrrr]

Savannah Squad Presentation Night Headcanons/Drabble [2/3]

it has been forever :'D (everyone say thank you to @moonbiine)

ANYWAYS, here's part 2 :}

Part 1: Taylor & Logan Part 2: Ben & Tyler Part 3: Aiden & Ashlyn [WIP]

Logan's POV

Two hours and twenty-eight minutes. It has been two hours and twenty-eight minutes and we've been stuck at 76% complete for forty minutes. Whoever made Windows deserves to burn and I stand by that, cause what do you mean that they can push an update and force restart my laptop.

"Logan when was the last time you updated this?" "Logan, why are there fifteen updates that need to be downloaded?" "Bro, when was the last time you actually shut down your laptop?" ... "I've been busy, okay--"

So it might be my fault. Partially. I will admit that much, but the laptop's never given me a problem before and it was running fine. It's just old, and has a few odd... kinks? I mean, the left half of the mousepad is jammed to the point where it can't click, and, sure, the screen does go black every now and again, but just hit it a few times it works! It's character, charm even (and I can't be bothered to fix it...)!

It was, honest to God, easier for Aiden to run back to his place and grab his laptop.

"So we agree that Logan is off electronic duty right?" Taylor had asked as Ben was setting up the other computer to the television screen with Aiden helping. It was a unanimous decision. Ben and Aiden are the new tech guys.

"Yeah, that's probably for the better," I had conceded.

Ben Clarke

Ben goes next because he saved the groups sanity by suggesting that Aiden just gets his laptop. Everyone, thank Ben for the night not failing.

To address the obvious, Ben has a text to speech app on his phone, which is connected to a speaker, that he uses to present. I will say that there is a sort of humor in this for two reasons. One, the voice can either be monotoned like a typical text-to-speech program with funny pronunciation errors, or two, it will sound like one of those videos on tiktok where an AI is reading a tumblr post about SuperBats or something and gets progressively more expressive as time goes on. Personally, I want to hear exasperated robot Ben voice explaining to Aiden why "Life is a Highway" on repeat can and will be considered a torture method.

Ben's music taste is GODLY. And he's more of a eclectic listener too so he has experience with a good amount of genres. This man does not bash other genres of music that he doesn't care for, he thinks its rude to the person he's talking to and to the artist.

Aiden is the exception to this rule^^

DESPISES having to subscribe to music platforms. What do you mean that you can't listen to a song on repeat without paying, what do you mean that you will interrupt his carefully crafted playlist with a recommended song that does not fit the vibe. This end up derailing his presentation couple times.

He has a set criteria that he judges on: length, vibes, transitions, and replayability. Good playlists should at minimum be an hour, have similar vibes/sound while still being unique, the transitions between songs shouldn't be jarring, and the playlist shouldn't be painful to listen to after a month.

Taylor and Ashlyn helped him judge everyone's playlists by acting as secondary perspectives. Taylor is more open to everyone's music tastes while Ashlyn scrutinizes them more. They pretty much just took a playlist that everyone listens to regularly, one that they made but listen to it every so often, and their liked songs.

I would also like everyone to remember that the series is set in 2016... they would have songs mostly from the 2000s-2010s with the exceptions of some 90s and 80s songs. I'm not saying that's a bad thing, I'm just saying that I looked up 2010s hit songs and I'm filled with nostalgia.

Overall, Ben's criticisms and recommendations are genuinely thoughtful. Especially the recommendations. For each person, after critiquing their playlists, Ben made a slide of genres and artists that each person should check out to expand their tastes.

(I'll probably make a bit about what songs were on their playlist, idk tho)

Group Reaction (how they ranked in comparison to each other)

Personally, Tyler and Logan getting the best ratings because their playlists are very consistent in their vibes and are replayable. I also think that Ben's music taste fits the most with these two for some reason, so they got the most song recs out of everyone.

Ashlyn is third in the ranking. She has one or two that she listens to occasionally, and they're pretty short. They are absolute polar opposites though. One of the playlists is rock, since she canonically likes Paramore (if you don't, get well soon), and the other is classical music for her ballet performances.

Taylor is next. Her playlist isn't bad, its just... a bit everywhere. Like it starts pretty good, but you can tell that somewhere along the lines of creating this playlist she just added songs that she remembered that she likes. It mostly fits the same genre. Ben makes her a more organized playlist after the presentation.

Aiden is dead last. It's not because his music taste is shit. Aiden actually has a pretty good music taste. No. Its because he only listens to his liked songs on repeat like a monster. It is musical whiplash. You go from a movie theme song, to crying, to listening to white girl club music, to rock, to crying again, and then for some reason the Home Depot jingle???? The only playlists that he makes are for jokes really. Do you know the John Mulaney bit where he plays "What's New Pussycat?" 27 times. Yeah, that's Aiden.

Tyler Hernandez

Tyler's next, and, I'm letting you know now that he sprayed the fuck out of Aiden for interrupting. Yeah, Ash pulled them a part.

Motherfucker is so pleased with himself, like its honestly so funny. Aiden had him by the collar and Tyler was just fucking smiling. Taylor does throw her slipper at him for being rude, but he could honestly care less.

The slideshow itself is the most soulless thing ever made, man used the Blank Google Slides template and called it a day. Like one stock image on each slide, and its so pixelated. He probably did it like an hour ago. That's why his presentation is funny because he's just jabbing at Aiden over and over with a basic slideshow that you'd see someone pull out in a Spanish 1-2 class.

You know what? He probably had another presentation about what piercing he think would suit the group best, and just did this one out of spite cause Aiden was being loud. I take back my previous statement about him doing it an hour before getting to Logan's place, he did this on his PHONE WHEN THE LAPTOP WAS UPDATING!!!! Like Logan was taking a walk, Ben was trying to fix the computer, the girls went to make sandwiches, Aiden was running errands, and Tyler made this in an hour.

His presentation is based off a tier system where it gets more effective with each method. Methods 1-3 are pretty basic where its just stuff like duct taping his mouth shut, 4 and onwards just gets funny

I'll be completely honest, each way he put is wild, and it gets progressively more deranged as the presentation goes on. These one's my favorite

"Number 9: Dying You know, I thought this would be the best way, but the bastard got crushed by a ceiling and walked it off. I want you to try and convince me that Aiden wouldn't crawl out of hell just to ruin my day. " "Number 10: Put him in a room alone with Ashlyn's mom and dad *insert a picture of Aiden sitting not so comfortably in between Ashlyn's parents* I don't even think I need to say anything else, I mean, I will, but like... look at him"

This is honestly the shortest presentation of the night but so far it's the most chaotic (he will quickly lose this title).

Tyler went through two spray bottles, mainly for Aiden, but he did spray Taylor once or twice. She threw a shoe at him. It's only fair.

Groups Reaction

Aiden is standing to the side with a towel around himself because Logan said his grandparents would kill them for ruining their couch. He's not exactly pissed but he is kind of sulking. Honestly this just makes his presentation so much better for him.

You know how Tyler asked for suggestions in the beginning, Ben and Ashlyn give him genuine ideas. Mainly Ben, just out of good humor you know. And Tyler's taking notes.

Taylor is giggling, but she does feel a bit bad for Aiden. At some point she gives him a consolation sandwich to raise his spirits.

Logan, however, doesn't and he's just quietly enjoying the scene that's unfolding around him.

The end of these two presentations are by far more chaotic than the first two, and it feels like its only going to get worse from here(/pos). Because right now Aiden is fighting with Tyler, getting him soaked too, Taylor is filming them while Logan provides commentary, and Ashlyn is standing with Ben setting up the next powerpoint.

While it was initially decided that Aiden would go last, Ashlyn suggested that she and him switch. Mainly so that he can drip dry while presenting, and sit down when he's done.

Aiden is following a presentation that was just jabbing at him, how do you think his is going to end up now?

[pseudophan]

wait i'm new here and i'm curious, if you're okay talking about it what happened before in the uk / why did you move back?

longass story but i've complained about this whole ordeal so much on here i think if i do the whole thing again people will get mad at me like omg we get it. anyway here it is again:

i moved to england (milton keynes specifically which all brits find very funny) with my mum in 2016 to go to high school because norway requires you to do six thousand subjects even if you "specialise" in something and i just did not have that in me. every subject combined with an instant fail if you miss more than like three lessons? absolutely the fuck not. in mk i did a level 3 creative media btec which is known as a bit of a joke because it won't make you kill yourself as much as a-levels, but lowkey i enjoyed it SO much. i've heard media btecs are very hit or miss depending on your tutors but mine were really good! half my class was only there because they flunked out of their a-levels and wanted something easy, but by like week two i'd say most of them were really into it

after college i started a film and tv production course at uni in london, none of the fancy unis because rip my grades lmao but it was a good time. year one went alright, but then when i applied for a loan for the second year months went by and i didn't hear anything until literally DECEMBER, halfway through the year, when they got back to me and were like oh sorry you don't qualify for the loan. oh and we're also taking back the money you got for the first year, so now you're in immediate debt to us for that and to the uni directly for the months you just did where we just couldn't be bothered to tell you you didn't qualify for any funding. hope this helps!

basically because i'd already lived in the uk for a couple of years before university i could apply as an english student rather than an international one, which is much cheaper so that was great. i also, IN THEORY, qualified for a loan through the student loans company, which is, IN THEORY, much easier and less annoying than the norwegian one because you don't start paying it back right away, you can wait until you're actually making x amount of money. all good. the problem was that the only reason we could afford to just fuck off and move to england in the first place was that my mum got to keep her norwegian job and work from home, meaning we weren't sure if i DID actually qualify for the loan because the way she was paying taxes was like kind of confusing. i still don't know exactly how it works, but i guess you pay it all to one country and then they split it? cause you're effectively paying taxes to both norway and the uk but you're not supposed to have to pay More so idk. who knows. not me. but yeah so we called them Multiple times to ask if i was in fact eligible for a loan and every time they were like yeah it's no problem. my bad for not getting it in writing by the way, always do that. then like i said they fully accepted my loan for the first year after looking through all our documents so clearly it WAS in fact fine, or at least enough people working there believed it was.

i have no idea what actually happened with the second year application, or which one got evaluated wrong. might have been the first one, might be the second, i'll probably never know. the real kicker though is that if they just got back to me earlier i could have gotten a norwegian loan and it would probably be fine, but because they were months late i only had like two weeks until the application deadline for the norwegian one and because the whole situation was so complicated and confusing, and i was struggling really hard with any paperwork or essays because of my super cool then-still-undiagnosed adhd, i just didn't have it in me to fight it. i was like whatever, guess i have to just drop out. didn't actually have to drop out, they suspended me for unpaid fees. i kept going until they turned off my key card though and banned me from campus lol, my tutors were just like eh keep showing up until it doesn't work anymore, it's not like they can suspend you out any more 😭

fuck knows what my plan was after dropping out. in my head i was like, well i can probably get a shitty job for a bit and yeah it probably won't go very well but it's not like i've tried, who knows! and then uhhhh covid happened LMFAO, so nevermind that shit! turns out getting a job in covid lockdown london is Difficult. my mum moved back in the middle of covid and a few months later i had to follow and now half a decade later here we are </3

[mysteriouslyjovialcolor]

Germany 2019

-Oh the last German GP?

-Lewis and Max first row! Pierre in Red Bull. Lando and Sebastian last row?!

-Look at that, they’re racing in the rain. Albeit, starting under safety car

-“Safety car needs to come in already. Come on let’s go” Lewis’ beef against the safety car will never not be funny

-They’ve done like three formation laps or as they’re calling it: “exploration laps”

-“How are conditions Max?” “Yeah, perfect to go, I don’t understand why we are not racing”

Lewis 🤝 Max: wanting to go race

-Haha all of the cars glitched for a second before the start

-And now Max has somehow dropped five places, wth

-Kimi p3 🙌

-Sebastian too, making up many places! P20 to p14!

-Oh Max back to p3!

-Kevin and Checo squabbling…Checo’s in the wall

-This is giving Brazil 2016 with the multiple safety cars

(Try not to compare every wet race to Brazil 2016 challenge failed)

-Sebastian and Alex falling back to p18 and p19 after stopping for tires :/

-Almost every driver pitting now

-Mercedes double stack!

-Holy shit Kevin is p2 (That’s a rare sight to see)

-All of those pit stops shuffled up the lineup so much. Lance is p5, Nico p7, George p9!

-I don’t think the Williams pit because they’re somehow both in the points

-Yeah, George pit now

-Sebastian finally in the points

-Oh shit Danny p17?

-Aah Charles, Kevin, and Nico fighting for p4

-Pierre running wide! he’s fallen to p19 :((

-Kimi’s still as formidable as ever in that Alpha Romeo

-“Raikkonen turned a threat into an opportunity” yesss Kimi!

-“The three at the front are traveling much faster than anyone else”

-Aw I forgot this was Nico’s home race too

-Engine problem for Daniel :/

-Another safety car? Virtual safety car?

-More pit stop games

-“Just be patient Max” GP has got to be the calmest man ever

-“So you are the fastest car on track” Let’s go Charles!

-Carlos slipping off the track??

-“Sorry guys, that was unfortunate” Yeah, top ten to p14

-“Leclerc is now 7 laps off leading this race” Oh?? Are we about to get Max vs Charles??

-Ferrari trying a gamble with Sebastian’s tires

-“They’re in the clouds of the gods now” Sometimes these commentators go unnecessarily hard

-Red Bull playing a gamble too

-“Lando Norris power slide out of the pit” That looked very cool actually

-Max doing an involuntary donut. I’m not sure if that gamble played off

-Oh shit Lando’s lost power. VSC once again

-Charles p2! At least one driver’s strategies are somewhat working

-Ohmygodd he’s out!! I actually gasped out loud! That was so unexpected!!!

-Aaah that sucks so bad

-The actual safety car is back

-I’m still in shock

-Ohmygod this is all so chaotic!

-Lewis almost went into the wall and damaged his front wing!

-The pit crew weren’t ready for him!! They’re scrambling! He’s lost so many places!!

-Nico’s p3 now ohmygod

-This is still lap 30 of 64. We’re not even halfway through

-Valterri pitting as well, Max leading now

-Everyone’s on inters

-Nico p2 at his home race😭 (I’m going to cry when he loses that) (What do I have to do for him to just stay there???)

-I can’t believe Lewis got a 5s time penalty for going on the “wrong side of the bollard at the pit entry”

-How does that even make sense? It’s not like it affected any other car but his

-Alex though! In p4, holding Lewis back in that Toro Rosso

-??? Lewis under investigation again???

-Valterriiiii stay away from Hulkenburggggg

-Noooooo Valterri whyyyy

-Can’t even hope for p3 now because it’s Lewis who’s behind him

-At this point let him just finish the race please

-“Rare to see Kimi Raikkonen making a mistake” Yes, it was devastating (at least he recovered still in the points)

-Someone kill me, Nico’s out

-“That’s so terrible for him! I was just about to say what a phenomenal run he’s having. He would so have deserved to finally maybe have a chance even for a podium because we still don’t know what penalties Lewis is gonna have. Ohmygod, that’s heartbreaking. Poor guy” Me and Nico Roseberg commiserating together

-“I’m still looking forward to Lewis coming up to Bottas now though. That’s going to really really cause internal team battle there; coming up” And Nico R is now hoping for inter-team drama. He moved on pretty fast. I’m still here (crying over Hulkenburg and his dream slipping away right through his fingers)

-“Right call, right tire, right time” Max: the only one carrying me through this race now

-“Nico Hulkenburg never retired from his home race at the German Grand Prix before” Why must they keep rubbing it in??

-“Verstappen’s pitted 4 times in this race so far” This race is actually insane

-I’m actually still sad about Nico. He was so close! God, why does he have such bad luck!

-None of these commentators talking about how Alex casually made up 12 places and has stayed in p4?? In a Toro Rosso?!

-Ohmygod I should just shut up, why’d he loose a place…two places…and he’s gone wide and dropped down to p8; someone kill me.

-Max pitting again????

-Where did Sebastian randomly gain speed from? Ohmygodd Kimi too? They’re p3 and p2?! What is going on???

-Somehow Lance is in p5 all the way from p15. I did not see that coming. He was the only car who pit for slick tires with the safety car earlier and now with everyone pitting again, this has worked out great for him

-Holy shit Lance is leading the race

-Lewis, Kimi, and Sebastian all pit and now Lance is leading and Max is back up to p2 and somehow Daniil Kvyat is p3 and just set the fastest lap

-Wet races always bring so many surprises. This is all so insane. I feel like I’ve just hallucinated half of this

-Max leading again

-I forgot about Lewis’ penalty 😭 The grid positions changed so drastically, it almost feels like it got reversed

-“How has it got this bad?” Honestly Lewis I actually don’t know

-Aww kinda wanted Lance to stay p2, he missed out on it so narrowly last time he was on the podium

-Haha Valterri about to take p3 from him now, he’s the one who took p2 from his last time I think, if I remember correctly

-Checo looking on from the pit box>>

-Oh shit Valterri is out! God, Mercedes are not having a good race are they? Lewis in p14 (last) pitting again (his sixth time) and Valterri out

-This safety car probably not going to help Lance keep podium position, what with Carlos and Sebastian right behind him at the restart

-“Good for the smaller teams. This is their kinda day” Don’t I know it (maybe it’s something about pink teams?)

-Aah Sebastian right behind Lance now! If he makes podium now he’d have gone from p20 to p3!

-And he’s done it!!

-Oh bloody hell, Pierre’s gone off. He’s not having a fun day either

-Ohmygod Sebastian p2!!! Imagine if he wins?!!

-“And you’re either wearing orange this weekend or red” yesss, the orange army going wild!!

-It is so insane to me that seven cars are out

-Honestly, Lance p4 is cool too, his race did not start out well (and Carlos p5 🙌)

-I wish Sebastian was still racing 😢

-Genuinely didn’t ever expect to see a Daniil Kyvyat podium; when I was watching the races from the past few seasons he barely finished a race

-This podium is kind of a Red Bull family reunion if you think about it

-‘Tis very cute

(Would be better if Nico had finished the race but I’ll take my wins where I can get them)

(Also! I just looked up the race results again cause I forgot if Kimi placed 6th or 7th and he hasn’t placed either??! Apparently he got a post race penalty for some infringement!? That’s so annoying)

(Oh however, that means Lewis did end up in the points after all)

(The more you know)

(Ohmygod, I just noticed that Fernando is not here?!?? How did I miss that when I watched Brazil 2019?!)

(I’m crashing out. I need sleep)

[girlfriendsofthegalaxy]

tuesday again 7/23/24

i woke up at ass o'clock monday morning to find BOTH of my cats sleeping on the bed with me :') temporary peace and love on planet niceys

also read a book where my takeaway was that there are SO many opportunities in the world for evil engineering but not nearly enough for evil puzzle games

listening

my sister sent me ONE instagram reel/screencap of a tiktok and ive been muttering "emergency! emergency! paging DOCTOR BEAT!" under my breath for the past three days. alarmingly catchy remix of this gloria estefan song. this specific video below is pretty close but there are approximately eight zillion versions

-

reading

Dark Wire by Joseph Cox (photo from here, description from the publisher's site).

The inside story of the largest law-enforcement sting operation ever, in which the FBI made its own tech start-up to wiretap the world, shows how cunning both the authorities and drug traffickers have become, with privacy implications for everyone. In 2018, a powerful app for secure communications called Anom took root among organized criminals. They believed Anom allowed them to conduct business in the shadows. Except for one thing: it was secretly run by the FBI.    Backdoor access to Anom and a series of related investigations granted American, Australian, and European authorities a front-row seat to the underworld. Tens of thousands of criminals worldwide appeared in full view of the same agents they were trying to evade. International smugglers. Money launderers. Hitmen. A sprawling global economy as efficient and interconnected as the legal one. Officers watched drug shipments and murder plots unfold, making arrests without blowing their cover. But, as the FBI started to lose control of Anom, did the agency go too far?   A painstakingly investigated exposé, Dark Wire reveals the true scale and stakes of this unprecedented operation through the agents and crooks who were there. This fly-on-the-wall thriller is a caper for our modern world, where no one can be sure who is listening in. 

i really liked this one! cox did a really good job of slowly unfurling the extremely technical details as they became relevant, instead of one horrible infodump near the beginning, and has a real gift for humanizing little anecdotes that illustrate the concept. he's also dryly funny in a very british way, eg the transition between one paragraph describing a very talented olive oil salesman and his lifestyle to how that olive oil processing covered up drug labs with the sentence "But Catanzariti didn't stay with olives; he pivoted instead to methamphetamine." i loooooove reading about how the drug trade gets around customs. i love edge cases and figuring out why things fail. i truly think some of the finest materials engineers of our time are out there trying to figure out how to get cocaine into australia.

this is deeply reported in a way that's very different from a lot of popsci and pop-history books that annoy me: this is NOT a book where it feels like the author is simply padding out a wikipedia page, supplemented with articles he's already written. he's been on this beat since 2016 and it shows: he has quotes from hundreds of people on many sides of the drug war. something i also appreciate is that cox is not automatically, rabidly pro-cop; he does not gloss over the very real tortures and kidnappings and all the other nasty realities of the global drug trade, and frequently shows how much overreach and entrapment took place during this whole endeavor. i particularly liked a chapter where he flipped back and forth from various law enforcement officials assuring him they of course complied with all relevant privacy laws and blacklisted anyone using it for simple secure communications, and lawyers telling cox "no the cops very much did spy on my privileged communication with my clients and i know this because these texts came up in court". also gratifying to read about some cases overturned or thrown out, in the odd case a judge decided it looked too much like entrapment.

i feel like i devoured this book SO fast but it's a solid 352 pages in hardcover. i also had to wait a good two months on the libby holds lists so there is strong interest in this book! good for cox!

how did i find this book: it's austin underscore walker's fault. they used to be coworkers at vice and cox and three others broke off last year to found 404 Media, which has had an absolutely crazy amount of real-world impact for the size (again! four people!) and how long they've been around. rip vice. wish u did better by your people.

-

watching

watched Hercules (1997, dir. Clements & Musker) with my bestie's five year old. i did not grow up with disney movies and don't really have a nostalgic affinity for them but this shit holds up! i like how meg has the silhouette of a greek vase

-

playing

powerwash simulator has a new free DLC out! we get to go to the aquarium and wash some exhibits and wash the research submarine!!! VERY soothing. took me a good solid two hour podcast episode to clean the exhibits.

the temporary summer event in genshin impact is very darling this year-- there are big indie game vibes and unlocking every chest is a little more complicated or has a little bit more story attached than usual. very excited to see if this continues with the next big update that introduces a whole new land.

i also like that they've picked An Art Style to work with-- everything is very toy-like or origami. not that genshin doesn't have a distinct art style, but playing around with something less realistic is fun!

-

making

look im going to have to add a cross stitch update to the morning reblog. the lighting in here is simply Not Good Enough

[read-marx-and-lenin]

It's funny how liberals will bring up "most Americans don't vote" as evidence for the unpopularity of conservatives, because just because most voters didn't vote for them doesn't mean they're extraordinarily unpopular. Yes, more people did not vote than voted for Trump in either 2016 or 2020. But polls have consistently shown that non-voters do not lean significantly towards either party. If you forced every registered voter to vote, chances are the ratio of votes would not change considerably. Australia has compulsory voting, for instance, and that hasn't given their left-wing or right-wing any advantage over the other.

Yes, having the president elected via popular vote instead of through the current convoluted and anti-democratic system would have changed election outcomes in the past. Yes, getting rid of gerrymandering and other mechanisms used to manipulate the outcome of elections and suppress votes would be a positive thing to do. But none of that changes the fact that at the moment, both parties have on average relatively equal support.

You cannot vote your way out of conservative and reactionary politics having widespread support. You need long term organization that can support a wide-reaching education and outreach program to provide the masses with a coherent and truthful narrative to counter right-wing propaganda. The narrative being put forward by the "progressive" wing of mainstream media in the US has consistently failed at this task. That is because both Democrat and Republican politicians represent the interests of the bourgeoisie first and foremost, and so neither side is able to fundamentally critique the other. So they end up quibbling over minor policy differences and culture war chaff, and the country flips between red and blue without any meaningful political change as a result.