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violentdelightsandviolentends · 9 months ago

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Honey Girl. Chapter Eleven.

previous chapter (10). series masterlist. the playlist.

chapter synopsis - There’s no denying it anymore - not that you’d want to. You and Bucky fit together in every sense of the word.

pairing - dads bestfriend!bucky barnes x female reader - soulmate au

warnings - smut. cursing. alcohol consumption. harassment, and then conversations surrounding past incidents of harassment. bucky calls reader a whore (not viciously).

word count - 5.3k

authors note - this is a long one!! I got a bit carried away with the smut, but honestly… it was a little overdue. I needed bucky and honey to get a little down and dirty sometime soon, and there’s no time like the present. as always - your love and support is invaluable to me, and i’d be nowhere without it. love you <3

as always, if you enjoyed this, please consider reblogging!! reblogs are the only way to circulate my writing, which generates more of it. feel free to send me a comment or an inbox, too!! thanks, my loves!! <3

masterlist. inbox.

Your hips sway gently to the music that plays as you watch your own reflection in the mirror. Sweeping a makeup brush across your cheeks, you laugh as Bucky presses open mouthed kisses to your bare shoulder.

“Getting ready takes ten times longer when you’re here, you know.”

Your soulmate laughs, wrapping his arms around your middle and pulling your back into his chest as he sways with you.

“You love it,” he murmurs into your ear. “You got a lifetime of this, honey. Get used to it.”

“God help me,” you giggle, squealing as he pinches your side. “I’m never going to get anywhere on time ever again, am I?”

“Worth it though.”

He winks at you in the mirror, and you can’t help but chuckle, shaking your head. Spinning in his arms, you lean up to press a lingering kiss to his lips.

“Luckily for you, Lacie is the worst person at being on time. I actually don’t think she’s been punctual to anything, ever. You have to tell her six if you want her to be there at eight.”

“I like her more every time you tell another story.”

“I feel like I should warn you.”

“Uh oh.”

You fight back the smile threatening to take over your face.

“She means well. She’s got a heart of gold, and good intentions always. She’s just… blunt, sometimes. She doesn’t mess around, or avoid the tough conversations. She’ll always tell you exactly how it is. And sometimes that can come across as rudeness, or that she’s a little… prickly? But she’s not, I promise.”

“Hey,” he murmurs, pressing a quick kiss to your forehead. “I get it. And I trust your judgement, always. You’re a good judge of character - I’ve never doubted that. She loves you and she wants to protect you, and so do I. I think you’ll find we have a lot more in common than you think.”

“I hope so. This is kind of a huge deal for me. And the more I think about it, the more worried I get.”

“Worried about what, honey?”

Bucky leans back against your dresser, using his hands on your hips to keep you against his front. You tilt into his body, resting your head on his chest.

“That you won’t like each other, or something. Which is stupid, I know. But the two of you mean so much to me, and I can’t lose either of you, and I just…”

“You’re spiralling.”

You exhale a breath you didn’t know you were holding, wrapping your arms around his middle.

“Yeah.”

“We’re gonna have a fun night, okay? If you put too much pressure on it, it’ll crumble under its own weight. Just breathe, baby. It’s dinner and drinks. Nothing you haven’t done before.”

“Dinner and drinks.”

“Exactly. Thankfully, actually, because I’m starving.”

“You’re always starving.”

“You know me so well.”

He chuckles as he leans down to press a sweet kiss to your lips. It ruins what was left of your lip gloss, but you don’t mind.

“It’s us against the world, remember? That includes double dates.”

You shake your head, scoffing as you break away to pull your shoes onto your feet. Taking a step back, you check your reflection in the mirror, not missing the way Bucky’s eyes follow the shape of your body all the way down and back up again.

“Quit that.”

“Quit what?”

“That, Barnes.”

“What, honey girl?”

“You’re insufferable.”

“You love it.”

You grab your purse and your jacket, giving him a once over to make sure he’s ready.

“We need to go. We actually should have left about ten minutes ago, but someone couldn’t keep their hands to themselves.”

“You want an encore?”

He lurches forward, fingers digging into your sides as you thrash in his hold. Your knees buckle as the tickling continues, punching at his biceps to get him to stop. You finally break away, panting as you keep him at arms length.

“Pull that shit again and I will kill you, James. You hear me?”

“I’m so scared,” he jokes, laughing infectiously.

You grin as you push him out of the door, shaking your head as you do it.

✵ ✵ ·　 ✵ 　　 * · ✵

The restaurant Lacie has picked is perfect.

It’s a place the two of you have been to many times - intimate but not too quiet. It’s all candlelight and real wood and big, open windows. You can hear the sound of chatter and laughter from down the street, warm and inviting.

A wave of nostalgia overcomes you as you stand on the sidewalk and wait for your best friend. You spent your 21st birthday here with Lacie, getting drunk on sweet cherry cocktails and dipping pieces of fresh bread in olive oil to soak up the alcohol. The entire night consisted of giggling and gossiping, until you’d wobbled home in your high heels, hands tightly clasped together just like when you were kids. You both fell asleep tangled in Lacie’s pink ruffled bedsheets, cuddled up and wearing your old matching Looney Tunes pyjamas.

“What’s goin’ on in that pretty head of yours?” Bucky asks, swinging an arm around your shoulders.

“Just thinking about all the nights me and Lacie have spent here. We’d always order the Cocktail of the Day, no matter what it was. Sometimes it was the best thing we’d ever drank, sometimes it was so vile we’d down it in one to get it over with.”

He laughs all deep and hearty, the sound vibrating through you where you’re pressed into his side. You’re looking down the street when you hear a shout from the opposite direction.

“Is that my bestie and her soulmate I see? Looking hot as ever?”

“Yeah, baby!”

You start walking towards her voice, grinning as you go. She holds out her arms, bracing herself when you run into them.

Lacie hugs you like she hasn’t seen you in years - and honestly, it kind of feels like it. She squeezes you as tightly as she can, cutting off your oxygen supply. You don’t mind one bit, squeezing her back just as tightly.

You hook your chin over her shoulder to see Bucky and Cameron shaking each other’s hands, going through first meeting formalities. Breaking away from Lacie, you pull her soulmate into a friendly hug that he reciprocates eagerly.

“I’ve heard so much about you,” he smiles, linking his hand with Lacie’s as if he’s scared to be apart from her for too long.

“I’ve heard so much about you!” you repeat, leaning into the warmth of Bucky’s hand on the small of your back.

“It’s true, she has. Probably too much,” Lacie laughs, guiding you all to the hostess at the front door.

You’re seated outside, on the terrace with a gorgeous view of the coastline. It’s breezy but not windy, warm but not hot. It’s perfect. The sun is starting to begin its slow descent, and the orange glow lights up Bucky like he’s a heavenly being, some sort of celestial creature. It’s hard to read the drinks menu when all you want to do is stare at your soulmate for hours on end.

“Babe… shall we get a cocktail of the day?”

“You remembered!”

“Of course I did,” your best friend giggles, kicking your shin under the table. “Remember that one that was full of rose petals, and we kept accidentally eating them?”

“Or the one with the sour sugar on the rim? Must have been the most sour thing I’ve ever tried.”

“This isn’t filling me with hope,” Cameron chuckles, setting down his menu to put his trust in Lacie anyway.

The waitress brings over four pink cocktails in rocks glasses, popping straws in them when she reaches the table.

“Cherry and lemon,” she informs you. “It’s delicious.”

She’s right. It’s definitely one of the, if not the best cocktail you’ve ever had in this place - a million times better than the rose petal one. When you’ve all ordered your food, conversation turns to the elephant in the room. Soulmates.

“So you guys were strangers, right?” Bucky asks the two people across from you.

They both instantly light up, ecstatic to be able to tell their story.

“Complete strangers. We’d never met each other in our lives. I walked into the gym as usual, and there he was. All gorgeous and tanned and tattooed and muscled.”

They interlink their fingers, beaming at each other.

“I could see it all instantly,” Cameron takes over. “Living together, marriage, kids, the rest of our lives. It was like a vision, this prediction of what’s to come on a big screen in my mind.”

He leans in to kiss Lacie, all tender and so full of love. Anyone within a fifty mile radius can feel their connection.

“So, Lacie said you guys already knew each other?”

You knew this line of questioning would happen sooner or later, but you didn’t realise just how nervous it’d make you feel. Bucky senses your anxiety instantly, wrapping his fingers around yours under the table. His thumb rubs gentle circles into the back of your hand, the familiar and comforting motion calming you down easily.

“Uh, yeah. We’d known each other for a few years. He’s my dad’s best friend.”

“Oh, shit. I mean Lacie explained back when you told her, but that’s so… complicated. How did your parents take it?”

“We… don’t know,” Bucky explains. “We haven’t exactly had that conversation yet.”

“But you guys have been soulmates for like two years, right?”

“It’s been complicated, like you said,” you pick up. “I wasn’t home for a lot of it, I was back in California for work. And we tried to tell them, but my Dad got sick, and then it turns out that they actually already knew. So, maybe in hindsight, complicated is actually an understatement.”

Lacie laughs with nothing but love in her eyes, stepping on your foot affectionately in a gesture of solidarity.

“Told you they were complex, Cam.”

“A lot more complex than us, lovebug,” he chuckles.

“You hear that, baby?” Bucky leans over to whisper in your ear. “We’re complex.”

“Wouldn’t have it any other way,” you whisper back, turning your head to press a kiss into his jaw.

✵ ✵ ·　 ✵ 　　 * · ✵

The food is divine.

It’s all small plates, Mediterranean inspired and delicious. Seafood, charred vegetables, beautiful mixes of herbs spices with everything doused in olive oil and balsamic.

“Holy shit. I don’t think I can eat for a week after this.”

“You gonna have to unbuckle that designer belt of yours, Cameron?”

You’re met with a cacophony of laughter and shaking heads.

“I like her,” he tells Lacie with a smile. “I see why you two work.”

“Aha, I’ve earned the Cameron seal of approval! Hear that, Lace? He likes me.”

“Oh god. My bestie and my soulmate are gonna be friends. There are so many embarrassing stories that are going to be shared, aren’t there?”

“So many,” you and Cameron say in unison.

Lacie’s shaking her head but she can’t stop laughing, buzzed off of the speciality cocktails and the joy of having her favourite people get along.

“Okay, okay, before we get into that,” she intervenes, “we’re having brunch with my sisters and their soulmates tomorrow. So I hate to be a buzzkill… but I’m gonna have to cut this short, before we pass the point of hungover beyond return.”

“Say hi to them for me, won’t you? I haven’t seen them in so long.”

“Laura’s getting married in a few months - I’ll make sure you two get an invite. They’d love to see you again soon, they both ask about you all the time.”

“Sounds perfect.”

You say your goodbyes, hugs and promises to see each other as soon as possible exchanged with love and excitement.

“I’m moving into Cameron’s place finally, and I’m gonna need your help decorating, babe. Will you come shopping with me sometime this week? I trust your taste.”

“Of course, Lace. I’d love to. Just text me, and we’ll arrange something.”

She presses a lipgloss stained kiss to your cheek, smelling like strawberries and giggles from your childhood.

“Bye, you two! So lovely to see you again, Bucky.”

“You too, Lacie. Good to see you guys, and good to finally meet you, Cam.”

“Cam,” Lacie whispers to you. “They’re besties already.”

You can’t help but laugh, waving them off with Bucky’s hand entangled with yours. After they’ve gone, you both sit back down at the table, exhaling.

“See? Wasn’t as bad as you thought, right?”

“I never thought it’d be bad,” you tease. “Just thought it’d be… intense. Which it was, but in a good way, I think.”

“You wanna have a drink just the two of us? Then we can go home, get into our pyjamas, rewatch an episode or two of Twin Peaks.”

“Sounds perfect,” you assure, standing up to press a quick kiss to his cheek before getting ready to make your way to the bar. “The usual, my love?”

“Surprise me, honey.”

You saunter inside, leaving Bucky sitting pretty on the balcony. The breeze gently blows the linen of his shirt, billowing the material and making him look like an angel.

“Can I get two old fashioneds when you get the chance? Thank you.”

The bartender nods her head at you, giving you a gentle smile before turning away to make your drinks. You take a seat on a stool, resting your feet in your heels for a moment.

“Excuse me?”

A pause.

“Excuse me, miss?”

A man slides into the stool next to you, tapping you on the shoulder to get your attention.

“Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t know you were talking to me.”

“I don’t usually do this, but I saw you across the room and just had to tell you that you are the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen.”

You spin around in your place to get a good look at the man who’s speaking. He’s only got a few inches of height on you, but he’s built stocky and strong, with a certain glimmer in his eyes that leaves a strange feeling in your stomach.

“Uh, thank you. That’s kind.”

You try to spin back around, but a clammy hand wraps itself around your forearm, effectively stopping you.

“You’re hurting me.”

“Sorry, sweet thing. Just wanted to talk a little more.”

His voice is dripping with condescension, terribly masking venom and ill intent. The whole situation feels tense and too charged, and you’re desperate to find a way out without upsetting him. You look over to the bartender, trying to catch her attention.

“So you’re here by yourself? Pretty girl like you, you shouldn’t be alone. You don’t know who’s around.”

Your heartbeat picks up, hairs on the back of your neck standing at attention. You’re screaming to Bucky in your mind, begging for him to sense your unease as soon as possible. This man still has a grip on your arm, his other hand moving to rest on your thigh. A cold chill overcomes you, and you know it isn’t from the ocean breeze.

“I’m here with my boyfriend,” you choke out. “He’s waiting for me.”

“Really?” he asks, squeezing his grip tighter. “Where?”

“Right here.”

A familiar voice booms from behind you, rumbling through your bones. You exhale shakily, desperate to turn around but unable to.

“This your daddy, sweet thing?”

“He’s my boyfriend, actually.”

Your voice is shaking, and Bucky hates how vulnerable you sound. You feel the sharp pang of sadness stab through his chest momentarily.

“Take your hands off the lady, asshole. Now.”

When the man doesn’t move, Bucky steps in, plastering himself to your back.

“I won’t ask again,” he reiterates, tone deep and low.

The man seems to get the message, judging by the way he slowly backs away from you. The minute he’s far enough away, Bucky slips a hand under your hair to hold the back of your neck, pulling you into his body. You melt into him, resting your head on his chest and breathing him in.

“Oh, your old fashioneds! I’ll start them now. Sorry!” you hear from behind the bar.

“It’s okay, don’t worry about it.” Bucky says over your head to the bartender. “We’re gonna get going.”

You assume she nods, because Bucky pulls you gently off your stool, leading you towards the door.

“Come on, angel,” he murmurs into your temple. “Let’s go home.”

✵ ✵ ·　 ✵ 　　 * · ✵

Bucky’s hand doesn’t leave yours the entire way back to his house.

You both spend more time at your place than you do at his, so it makes a nice change. You love being here, because it is so completely enveloped by Bucky.

You see him everywhere. His favourite soft grey blanket strewn across the back of the couch, his handmade green mug that you bought him in California left ready on the counter by the coffee machine, the weathered and worn blue plaid pyjama pants he loves folded on the bed.

You hear him everywhere. The trees that he planted in the backyard rustling in the breeze, the soft hum of the refrigerator that he fixed himself six months ago, the reruns of vintage shows that play on the TV when he knows you need some background noise.

You smell him everywhere. The lingering scent of his cologne on every surface, his favourite laundry detergent that clings to his comforter even after he’s slept in it time and time again, the salt from the breeze that billows through the house when he leaves the windows open.

You feel him everywhere. The indent of where his head has laid on his pillows, the fingerprint shaped divots in the arm of the couch where he rests his hand as he watches a movie, the light switch in the hallway that has worn away due to him always pressing it with his elbow when he walks through the front door.

He’s in all four corners of this house, plastered all over it north, south, east and west. His very being lives in the walls, the floors, the ceilings. His spirit has cemented itself into the foundations, down through the Earth that it’s built on.

You couldn’t love it more if you tried.

And now, you see glimpses of you. Your toothbrush and shampoo in the bathroom, your mug waiting ready at the coffee machine, the smear of nail polish you accidentally spilled on the coffee table one evening that won’t quite come off. Your pyjamas folded next to his on the bed, your shoes next to his at the door, your socks next to his in the top drawer.

Neither of your places are yours or his, now. They belong to the two of you. You refer to my apartment as our apartment. He refers to his house as our house. You’re not sure when it began, but it’s happening more and more as of late. It makes you happy beyond words.

Your place, his place… doesn’t matter. Home is wherever you’re together.

✵ ✵ ·　 ✵ 　　 * · ✵

Bucky kneels in front of you where you sit on the edge of the bed, unbuckling your heels. He digs his thumbs into the bottom of your feet, releasing some of the tension firmly but carefully.

“You sure you’re okay, honey?”

“Yeah, Buck. I’m okay.”

You look down at him, caressing his stubbled cheek gently. He looks back up at you with those big blue eyes blown wide, so full of concern you can practically feel it buzzing around the room.

“If you wanna talk about it…”

“I know. I can talk to you about anything, baby. And I will, when I need to. Look… it was scary in the moment. But I also knew that you were on the terrace outside, and that you’d come and get me eventually. Plus, it’s nothing I haven’t dealt with before.”

He takes a pause, still working his thumb into your soles.

“You deal with this stuff a lot?” he asks after a moment.

“Sometimes.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. All girls do. You know that.”

“I do. It’s just… I don’t know. It’s different, when it’s the person you love the most in the world.”

“I get that. It’s not different for us, though.”

“I know, baby. I’m sorry.”

“Don’t apologise, my love,” you whisper, tracing your fingertips across the features of his face. “You came along and saved me, so.”

“I would have come sooner, you know. I felt it in my chest pretty quick, but got stuck talking to a client of mine. I was inching away for so long before I had to just tell him to leave me alone.”

“It’s okay, we’re all okay. I don’t wanna focus on it. It’s done now.”

“Promise me you’ll talk to me anytime if you need to, though?”

“Promise,” you reassure, linking your pinky finger with his.

You both sit like that for a while, just thinking. You’re still tracing his face, following the beautiful lines and curves as if it’s a colouring book. Focusing on the warmth of his hands on you, you can’t help but let your mind wander to how he handled the guy at the bar. You’ve never seen him so assertive, almost threatening. And the more you think about it, the more you realise - you liked it. Obviously, the situation was unpleasant and far from ideal, but when you hone in on the way your soulmate swooped in to save you…

“What are you thinking about, pretty?” he asks, noticing the way your eyes have clouded over.

“Just the way you looked in that bar. All strong and domineering and in charge.”

“Yeah?”

There’s a dirty smirk making his way onto his handsome face, all mischievous and cunning.

“Yeah. You walked in and saved me like it was nothing. I felt so safe, with the hottest guy in the world protecting me.”

You dance your fingertips across Bucky’s face, tracing his bottom lip.

“I could have killed him,” he murmurs, nipping at the pad of your thumb. “Touching what’s mine.”

Oh. You’ve never heard him speak about you like this, but you’re glad you’re already sitting down - otherwise you’d be melting into a puddle on the ground.

“Mhmm? Yours?”

“You know you’re mine, angel. I have no doubts about that.”

The juxtaposition of it all is making your head spin. Bucky is knelt below you, looking up at you with his ocean blue eyes, but he’s still the one in charge. He’s the one making your knees buckle while his are digging into the carpet.

“I am yours,” you whisper.

“I know.”

His confidence is killing you. There’s sweat dripping down your back already, a bead of it slowly trickling down the curves of your spine. Your chest heaves as you refuse to break eye contact, desperately anticipating his next move.

“You like me like this, don’t you, honey? Sat at your feet, watching you, ready to do whatever you want. Do you even know how much power you hold? Do you even understand the things I would do for you?”

You might pass out if he keeps talking like this. To shut him up, you shove your thumb into his mouth, groaning when he laves over it with his tongue.

“I’ll give you anything,” he mumbles around your digit. “Just say the words.”

“Want you to fuck me,” you choke out.

“How?”

You press down on his tongue for a minute, taking a sick satisfaction in how his eyes water. There’s spit dripping down his chin and your wrist. It’s depraved. You want more.

“Like I’m yours.”

“Yeah?”

“Prove it. Show me. Make sure I don’t forget it.”

He bites down on your thumb before slipping it out of his mouth, licking a stripe from the bottom of it to the top.

“Oh, sweetheart,” he chuckles. “You don’t know what you’ve just asked for.”

He rises suddenly, pulling you off the bed by your arms so you’re standing in front of him. He takes your place at the edge of the mattress, and you realise that you never had the advantage you thought you did.

“Strip.”

You raise a brow at him, and the stormy look you receive in response makes you shut your mouth.

“I won’t ask again, angel. Strip.”

You go to reach for your hem when a hand darts out and catches yours.

“Ah ah ah. What’s the rush? Put on a show for me, baby. Come on.”

You slow right down, carefully undoing the zipper on your dress before gently pulling it up to underneath your chest. You don’t miss the way Bucky’s breath hitches at the sight of what you’ve had on underneath your outfit all night. You pull it up and over your head softly, standing in front of him in your lacy black underwear that you’ve been waiting to debut.

“Fuck, honey girl. Is that new?”

You only nod before stepping forward to stand in between his legs, smiling when his hands fly straight out to rest on your hips.

“You still want me to strip? Or shall I keep this on, let you enjoy it a little longer?”

“Keep it on,” he mumbles against your stomach, pressing kisses to any skin he can reach. “Wanna fuck you in it.”

“Where do you want me?”

“Everywhere.”

You laugh, leaning down to press your lips to his quickly.

“Come sit here,” he decides, patting his thighs.

You go to oblige but stop, pouting at Bucky where he looks up at you.

“What is it, baby?”

“This feels unfair,” you point at him. “You’re wearing all your clothes.”

“Which is the way it’ll stay, until I decide otherwise.”

With that he pulls you down into his lap, manoeuvring you so you’re sat with your legs spread apart by his, back pressed to his chest. You look straight ahead to see yourself in the full length mirror, with Bucky’s self satisfied expression behind you.

“Want you to see what I see,” he explains, running his fingers across your thighs in a featherlight touch. “You should see how pretty you look when you come.”

He cups you over your underwear, both of you groaning in unison.

“This is all for me? All mine?”

All you can do is nod, not trusting your voice anymore. Bucky hooks your panties to the side and runs a finger through your wetness, smothering it around and making a mess on purpose.

“I love you like this,” he murmurs into your ear. “All messy and careless and desperate for me. You’d do anything I asked. So good for me.”

He slides a finger into you, pulling it out swiftly and adding a second. There’s no resistance, only your warm, wet heat sucking him straight back in. You buck your hips, trying to get him to curl them how you like.

“Please,” you whine, squirming in his lap. “Please, Buck.”

He knows exactly what you need, crooking his fingers to hit that spot just right. He can play you like an instrument, plucking at your strings until you’re teetering on the edge in no time.

“Wait,” you plead, gripping his wrist. “Don’t wanna come yet.”

Bucky slows his movements to a halt, kissing your neck and catching your eyes in the mirror.

“No, baby? Why?”

You grab his hand and remove his fingers from you, sucking them into your mouth without breaking eye contact with him. When you’ve licked them clean, you lean back to murmur into his jaw.

“I wanna come on your cock.”

With a gentle kiss to his jaw, you add ever so politely,

“Please.”

Bucky’s never been one to deny you anything, and he’s not about to start now.

“Fuck, look at you. I’ve turned you into a whore.”

“You love it.”

He chuckles all deep and low, the sound rumbling through your body. Pushing you off his lap, you’re confused for a moment before he starts undressing, putting on a show of his own for you.

“C’mere,” he says finally, now fully naked and sat back in his original spot at the edge of the mattress. “Come and watch how pretty you look when you’re sitting on my cock.”

You settle back where you were, legs spread wide by his thick thighs. One of his arms is wrapped around your middle, keeping you firmly plastered to his chest as his other hand lands at the base of your throat.

“Okay, baby. S’all yours. Take what you need.”

His arrogance is doing nothing to soothe the ache between your legs, your arousal dripping through your pretty lace underwear. It’s ruined, but you couldn’t care less.

Lining him up and sinking down, you both groan at the sensation. He fills you up perfectly, almost as if you were made for each other. When you realise you were, your legs go jelly.

“Atta girl. Use me, baby. Fuck yourself, that’s it.”

You use his thighs as leverage, rising up onto your tiptoes to slam back down. Finding a steady rhythm, you feel a funny sense of pride at doing it yourself, at being the one to take you both apart.

Bucky’s praise doesn’t stop, the timbre of his voice in your ear like melted honey, all warm and golden. He presses kisses into your shoulders, your neck, your back, anywhere he can reach. When he can tell you’re getting tired, he starts canting his hips upwards when you come down. He knows he’s hit the right spot when you half collapse backwards into him, whining. His hands tighten their grip on your hip and your throat, keeping you upright.

Your soulmate directs your head back towards the mirror, forcing you to look at your fucked out reflection.

“Look at you,” he hums. “You look wrecked, baby. Such a fucking mess.”

“For you,” you slur, still willing your legs to do the work.

You’re so close you can taste it, and Bucky knows this. His hand that was on your hip migrates to between your legs, where he rubs slow but firm circles on your clit. Your knees buckle, and he knows you’re done for.

“Look at yourself,” he demands, keeping your head up with his grip on you. “Look how fucking pretty you look when you come.”

You watch yourself - the way your jaw drops open and your muscles tighten, back arching up and away. You then shift your gaze to Bucky’s reflection just in time to watch him finish. It’s the most beautiful sight you’ve ever seen - his teeth sunken into your shoulder, sweat dripping down his chest, eyes blown so wide you can’t tell they’re blue anymore.

The two of you sit like that for a while, still connected in every sense of the word. You’re trying to catch your breath, every bone in your body completely relaxed. Bucky’s arms circle your middle, ensuring every inch of his skin is pressed to yours.

“Told you,” he mumbles into your jaw. “Prettiest sight in the fucking world, honey girl.”

You tilt your head up to look at the two of you, the way you fit together so perfectly.

Yeah, you think. Prettiest sight in the world.

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revelboo · 2 months ago

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got myself the cutest little bluestreak (amongst six others) after you made me fall in love with blokees! i may thank you, but my bank account certainly doesnt. the pains of aud 😭 gonna need to keep buying when another sale comes around til i get myself jazz and prowl hehe

apart from that, im not sure if this has been asked before or if ive missed anything, so sorry if i have, but im curious, do you write for female bots?

The boy! I just write for the mechs, because it’s what I personally prefer and I just do this for fun.

Where I Belong Pt 15

Bluestreak x Reader

• Staring at you, your cheek resting in his palm as you sleep stretched on your side against him with flowers tucked in your messy hair, he doesn’t want to go back. Not yet. Not while you look so peaceful. He’s pretty sure that you’d thought he’d been joking when he’d told you the two of you could build a home and just stay here. Belong to each other and forget the war, duty, and responsibility. So tired of fighting. And he needs this. Because you’re never disappointed in him, never dismissive.

• Whatever your head is laying on shifts slightly under you and something gently bumps your forehead. Eyes opening as Bluestreak shudders against you, the chevron on his helm brushing you. “You okay, baby?” You ask, touching his jaw and his optics open and find you. And your head is forced up to avoid the sharp points of his chevron when he buries his face against your throat.

• “I’m okay,” he murmurs, venting slowly, dragging your scent deep into himself. Grounding himself with you. Feeling your hand stroking his helm and you start humming softly to him. Soothing him when he should be the one taking care of you. He’s older, bigger, stronger, but still clinging to you like a frightened youngling. Afraid. Always afraid and nervously rambling and you let him. Never tell him to shut up. Never get angry.

• Humming a lullaby to him, you feel him curl closer against you and you play your hands over him. Feel his door wings tremble under your fingertips. “Should we head back?” You ask and he vents against your throat. Relaxed with him, you stretch out your legs, a knee sliding against his leg. Have you ever felt this at home with anyone else before? Like you could tell him anything and there’d be no judgement. Like you’re seen and known.

• “Not yet.” Just wants this moment to last. Because right now, there are no nightmares. No ghosts lurking at the edge of his awareness. Here with you, this is all there is. Just you and him, the sun low behind the trees to throw dazzling lances of gold through the leaves, birds singing above and the beat of your heart against him. “I just-I need this. Just a little longer, okay? And then we’ll go back.” Pleading softly and stuttering into silence when you brush a kiss against his chevron with a soft ‘okay.’ Curling closer, he relaxes.

#transformers x reader #bluestreak x reader #Bluestreak

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shsl-hubris-guy · 6 months ago

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In-Depth Character Analysis On All The DR Characters Because What, Are You Gonna Try And Stop Me? Who Are You, My Mom? Yeah, I Didn't Think So- Part 5: Junko Enoshima

Oh boy, this is gonna be a big one. In fact, I wouldn't be surprised at all if this turns out to be the longest analysis in this entire series of ~100 characters. Why did I not save her for last. Why is this part 5. Why do I do this to myself-

Jokes aside, I am so so so excited to make this; Junko has become the face of this franchise for a reason, and the depth of her character and role in the series as a whole is massive. I won't be surprised if this takes over a month to complete. In fact, just for fun, let's track it. I'm starting the analysis on 7/5/24. When will we finish? Nobody knows!

(Final edit Crane here. It has been more than 5 months. Christ.)

This analysis uses only official material for the sake of analyzing the character, primarily sourcing official English localizations. It'll be um, lengthy, to say the least, so if you aren't that interested, just keep scrolling. Also, if there's even one canon installation of Danganronpa that you haven't played/watched/read yet (THH, DR0, SDR2, UDG, DR3, and/or V3) don't read this; the ripple effect of Junko in every corner of the franchise will be discussed and thus, there will be spoilers aplenty.

Also, a disclaimer that though I try to remain as objective as possible with these analyses, it will be at its core, an interpretation. Not everything will match up with how you interpret it, and that's okay! I don't claim to be perfect, and this isn't an infallible source of canon, only my interpretation of the source. Let's get into it!

Foreword

Real quick, before we get too far in: readers of my previous analyses know that I normally try to move in chronological order of release and events in-game to keep the analyses easier to follow. Due to the nature of Junko's characterization and the fact that she's present throughout the entire series, that isn't really possible here, as to talk about any one aspect of her, I may need to pull from multiple installations. I'll be sure to cite where I'm pulling from and provide evidence where necessary, but it definitely won't be perfectly in order by release or timeline. So hopefully it won't be too messy. Also, characters very closely tied to Junko, like Monokuma, Ryoko, Mukuro, etc. will be analyzed separately at a later date, so those sections may end up feeling incomplete as a result. For the sake of releasing this before 2025, I need to cut corners a little bit and focus primarily on how these relationships affect Junko, and not the other way around.

Part 1- Monokuma

In order to understand Junko, you must first have a basic understanding of Monokuma, mascot of the Danganronpa series and self-declared Headmaster of Hope's Peak Academy. Monokuma introduces himself to the cast as their superior and oversees the killing games, providing motives and passing judgement on the class trials, all while reveling in the Despair of the students. There are multiple iterations of Monokuma, but most of them exist in order to carry out the killing games without issue.

Like Junko, Monokuma remained a staple of the franchise, appearing in every official installment, whether he was being actively piloted by Junko or not. As we see in DR3: Despair Arc, she personally designed him to become the face of her movement of Despair, and thus, he was used to carry out her will at every turn.

1.1- Trigger Happy Havoc

In the first DR game, Monokuma was just a robot piloted by Junko. His mannerisms were a character invented by her to appear as the psychopathic Headmaster, but regardless, her true nature of Despair is directly infused into the character as she acts him out. Through him, she's able to reveal hidden information about each of her classmates and torment them personally, all without them knowing she was once a dear friend to them. As a robot, though, he came with drawbacks- Junko couldn't pilot him and watch the cameras at the same time, and once the charade of his all-seeing Headmaster was seen through by Kyoko, he lost most of his power. Thus, Monokuma's existence was designed to deceive, and could only function through deception. He created the illusion that hope was outside, that escape was solely on his terms, and that the class had no unification- all according to Junko's design.

1.2- Goodbye Despair

When the sequel game arrived, Monokuma was once again a character being played by Junko. Unlike last time, however, the two had blended together, becoming one and the same. This Monokuma was a Despair Virus, created with Chihiro's Alter Ego technology, and implanted into the Neo World Program with the intent of continuing the real Junko's plans for the spread of Despair. This version of Monokuma is extremely similar to the previous in terms of its personality and beliefs, but appears much more powerful within the artificially generated world, now able to apparently power-up, bleed, and transform plushies into duplicates without logical explanation.

Rather than targeting certain themes in an attempt to teach Despair, this Monokuma created directly-targeted motives, attempting to use class 77's personal connections to a whole other level and banking on the fact they were friends, rather than try to cover it up. He also acts as if they're his dear friends and like they're on the same side, directly inverse to his apparent attitude towards class 78. This is intentional, though as to why, we'll get into much later.

1.3- Ultra Despair Girls

Rather than being present as a character, Monokuma exists solely as mascot in this game, as thousands of Monokumas are programmed and piloted to slaughter the majority of adults in Towa City. He exists solely as a tool used by the Warriors of Hope.

In chapter 4 of the game, you get the reveal that all the physical Monokumas that exist were built and sold in Towa Group's factories, and later, that Monaca Towa was directly responsible. This exists to demonstrate how Junko was able to financially and physically afford the amount of power and technology she accrued in her crusade for Despair. More on this later.

1.4- Danganronpa 3- Future Arc

Near the end of the first episode, Monokuma seemingly appears on a monitor in the meeting room of Future Foundation's HQ, announcing his survival and a return of the killing games, starting with the Future Foundation higher-ups. At the beginning of the following episode, an act is put on between this version of the character and "Miaya Gekkogahara", as they fake an argument where Monokuma alters her avatar Usami into Monomi, making it appear as though he's again being piloted by a real person from some remote location.

As the season comes to a close, though, we learn that it was the chairman who set up the killing game, and that Monokuma's appearance, along with the video that would play during every nap, were falsified recordings, aided in part by Monaca Towa pretending to be Miaya. Thus, his likeness was used for a cheap recreation in an attempt to manipulate one person and kill nearly everyone else in charge of the Future Foundation, all set in motion by Junko's own brainwashing videos.

1.5- Killing Harmony

This is the only version of Monokuma that Junko herself doesn't have a hand in recreating, and is the only time he exists solely as a robot personality of his own accord. Created by Team Danganronpa, he's a physical conception of the fictional character Monokuma in-universe, and thus, is a character in his own right. Birthed by a Motherkuma machine for the mastermind's benefit, Monokuma acts once again as Headmaster, but a significant amount of soul is noticably absent from the presentation. This is in part due to the amount of focus on the Monokubs, using their unique characteristics for comic gags with the cast in the way Monokuma used to in the previous games, and his appearance feels like more of a checkbox than an actual return of Monokuma. Simply put, without Junko's influence, Monokuma's character becomes more flat, and starts to fade into the background in a convoluted mess of references and callbacks. All of which is done on purpose- Monokuma is a facet of Junko, and without Junko, Monokuma becomes empty.

Part 2- Character Design

Junko Enoshima is designed as a gyaru, a subgenre of fashion known for its more 'rebellious' style. She's dressed in a modified uniform, with a black jacket with her sleeves rolled up and unbuttoned, allowing her cleavage and bra to show, with a black-and-white tie, a red bow, and a red plaid miniskirt. She also has Monokuma pins holding up her ponytails- one with the white half, and one with the black half. Asymmetricality and the use of exclusively black, white, and red all align her with Monokuma, an asymmetrical black-and-white bear with a red eye. She has styled blonde hair and blue eyes, and has the title of SHSL Gyaru, or Ultimate Fashionista.

2.1- What's A Gyaru?

Gyaru as a fashion style first originated in the 1970s, emerging from Japanese women's nonconformist desire to embrace their own sexuality and rebel against societal standards of the traditional housewife. As time passed and more women latched onto the trend, it became a major point of discussion, initially shaming these women for being too racy or delinquent, before shifting to an increase in streetwear fashion and being recognized as its own genre of fashion, evolving with new subgenres as time continued to pass. It went from a wholly shameful style to an expensive, trendy one as expressly gyaru clothes started to be made and sold in stores. The increase in popularity also led to discussions of placing laws against child prostitution, as younger girls were getting into the expensive fashion and started finding alternative ways to afford this showy clothing.

There are many, many subgenres of gyaru known, but Junko Enoshima is specifically referred to as a kogal or kogyaru, a high-school gyaru. Her school uniform is modified into a showy jacket and miniskirt with big bows, she wears knee-high boots, and her hair is blonde, implied to be dyed based off of the common hair-dying of kogals. In DR 0, we also see her with red hair and eyes as opposed to the blonde and blue, suggesting that red may be her natural hair and eye color. Kogal culture has a lot of stereotypes around it regarding the extracurricular activities of the girls who subscribe to it, but the general idea around it is for the girls that participate in it to break social norms and claim their sexuality for themselves to get what they want, all within a consumerist guise. This type of mentality matches Junko extremely well, as a character bent on breaking the world for her own pleasures by advertising herself as Despair.

Part 3- The Mastermind Reveal (THH)

We don't actually meet Junko Enoshima until the final showdown in THH, though we are well-acquainted with the idea of her before then, as not only do we meet an imposter-Junko in the first chapter, but her magazines are specifically shown to us in the intro of the game, and are scattered throughout the school(laundry room). There are also little hints as to her identity as mastermind sprinkled into the game.

"Whenever I spot a cute girl, I have a tendency to stare. I can't help it- I just gaze with intensity. The other day, I rode my bike to the train station... I was in the bathroom, just looking at myself in the mirror..." -Monokuma Theatre, THH

Despite these hints, the characters don't know who the mastermind is yet, only being able to reason at her motivations for the killing game and why it came to be based off of what clues Monokuma leaves out for them, like how the main track that plays when interacting with Monokuma is called '100 Mile Junk Food Dash'.

"But first, I have a question for you... Who are you? What do you want from us?" "Well, if you really must know... Despair. That's all." -Kyoko Kirigiri & Monokuma, THH

"And for those of us who represent hope to kill each other and sink into Despair... The mastermind wants the world to see that, to try and prove that Despair is better than hope." -Kyoko Kirigiri, THH

We know that whoever this mastermind piloting Monokuma is, they're someone that's engineering this entire killing game expressly to spread Despair. With the knowledge that the killing game is being televised, that Despair isn't just for the students, but is being put on display for the entire world to see. Manufacturing and televising such a sadistic game using public figureheads under governmental protection is a behavior akin to terrorism (Despairism?) and is an act that, by itself, seems nigh impossible for some high-school student to be capable of. Yet, we know it is a high-schooler- Monokuma insists that the only people involved in the killing game are the 16 students of their class.

Through the investigations of chapters 5 and 6, it becomes increasingly more apparent that whoever this SHSL Despair is, Junko has some level of involvement. For example, more observant players will recognize Mukuro's corpse almost immediately as 'Junko's' from chapter 1, as her bright red nails and the same high-heeled, red-laced boots are clearly visible. And while this doesn't immediately incriminate Junko herself, it does at least call into question the identity of the dead SHSL Despair, as the body being Mukuro's isn't ever really contested(save for a 'dumb Hiro' gag insisting it's Kyoko while standing next to Kyoko).

"And don't forget about the Fenrir tattoo. There's absolutely no mistake... Our victim in this case is, without a doubt, Mukuro Ikusaba...!" -Kyoko Kirigiri, THH

Throughout the final investigation, the player's job is to solve 'all the mysteries of the school', AKA their erased memories and the identity of the mastermind. This investigation intentionally doesn't talk about Junko, voiding her involvement to the point that her own face is scrubbed from the evidence. The hints given by Monokuma picture Junko's face covered up in every photo, and the recordings of the students agreeing to live in the school is cut off before it can cycle over to her. It's not her presence that matters, it's the lack of presence, because we haven't actually met her yet, juxtaposed to the repeated mentions of Mukuro, a girl who'd been a part of the group since the very beginning without anyone realizing.

When we do realize this, it comes with the realization that Mukuro's and 'Junko's' body were one and the same, and with Kyoko's old pocketbook revealing that "Despair walks among us, and so we survive... There's a second 'Despair'", we can come to the conclusion that the reason the mastermind was able to pull this off was because there was actually more than one, working in sync, and thus, the reason both bodies were one was because they were the SHSL Despair together.

Part 4- The Despair Sisters: Mutual Abuse (CW: Incest)

Despite the fact Junko was the brains behind the operation, there was never really a time where she was working alone towards Despair. She was actually one of two Ultimate Despair- as she called them, the Despair Sisters. Her twin sister, Mukuro Ikusaba, was Ultimate Despair as well, and assisted her every step of the way.

In her first appearance, we don't actually get to know anything about her, as she spends her time with the class pretending to be Junko. As such, any and all information gathered on Mukuro is given by someone else- official school records state her title and physical attributes, and Junko tells us her role as Ultimate Despair and goes on about her flaws.

"She had what I call the 'three atrocities'- atrociously rank, atrociously filthy, atrociously repulsive. It was atrociously clear just how out of touch she was with the rest of society." -Junko Enoshima, THH

"The older sister, tough and proud, that was Mukuro. The younger sister, smart and cute, that was... Hyaaaahaha! Me! Junko fucking Enoshima! And together, we were the Despair Sisters! AKA, the Ultimate Despair!" -Junko Enoshima, THH

Mukuro reappears as herself in DR 0 and DR3's Despair Arc, as well as the official AU novel DR IF. In these, we get more insight into her feelings, and see her display an overt attraction to her sister at multiple instances.

"Consumed by ecstasy, even Ikusaba-san's breath became ragged. 'Only I am able to understand her. That's why she needs me. She still hasn't realized that but, maybe she's only pretending not to realize. Ufu, that's because she's so shy. Ufufufu.' Seeing this intoxicated Ikusaba-san continue to talk like that repelled me. I knew that she definitely didn't have normal feelings for Junko Enoshima". -"Mukuro Ikusaba" & Ryoko Otonashi, DR 0

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This is pretty obviously incestuous in nature. She blushes at her sister's attempts to kill her with an ice pick, has an internal dialogue about how much said attention affects her, and 'goes into ecstasy' talking about her sister's madness. It's intentionally uncomfortable because it's intentionally incestuous*. I've seen arguments for Mukuro's behaviors being out of character and only there for fanservice in the anime, but this behavior being found in DR 0 first pretty clearly contradicts that. I've also seen an argument for Mukuro's behavior being an act meant to make Junko feel Despair and not having any legitimacy. The crux of the argument comes from the assertion in DR IF that Mukuro is able to numb her emotions in battle, so therefore, she could also mimic such an attraction when around her sister. This argument quickly falls apart as well, considering that a) she has both internal and external dialogue directly referencing her attraction where Junko can't actually hear her, and b) going numb in the heat of battle is not at all the same thing as faking sexual desire outright.

*(Mukuro being incestuous is immediately relevant to the way the Despair Sisters interact with each other, and understanding that I'm talking about their relationship under the lens that she is will hopefully prevent questions about why I'm talking about them as I am throughout the analysis, particularly when she pops up in other sections here and there later. Please do not go into the replies or reblogs and explain to me why I'm wrong; you are not going to change my mind. Believe it or not, I don't like Despaircest either, but that doesn't mean Mukuro's behavior in canon is some accident to be shrugged off. These are meant to be OBJECTIVE analyses. I'm going to look at what the games and novels and anime are presenting, whether I actually like all the points or not.)

Junko Enoshima yearns for Despair. Despair is her reason for being, and everything she does, she does with the intent of eventually bringing Despair upon herself. That pain of Despair is the strongest feeling in the world to her. And the way she treats Mukuro directly stems from that desire. Despair stems from grief, and what brings more grief then the people you love most despising you? Mukuro is her twin sister, who stands by her no matter what. Junko even tests this, having her kill an entire class of students to prove her strength and loyalty in manga series Killer Killer(though, admittedly, Killer Killer hasn't been confirmed as canon to my knowledge, it still aligns with what we know for both characters without altering anything about their characterization).

Mukuro is capable- very capable, and definitely has the ability to betray her, or even kill her if she wanted to. So at every turn, she treats Mukuro like garbage, actively trying to kill her with an ice pick when they first reunite and talking down to her at every opportunity. She describes her sister as fat, flat-chested, ugly, stupid, a pervert, any insult she can think of. She critiques her murders, chastising her when she kills the guards in Despair Arc while looking for Izuru for not doing a clean enough kill. But despite all this, Mukuro never strays from Junko's side. She continues to fawn over her, not just taking all the abuse, but displaying an attraction to her Despairing nature, and refuses to leave her side, the exact opposite reaction of what Junko wants to see from her.

"'Yes, she really is ridiculous…to the point of Despair, she's the lowest, worst sister ever but…that's why I can't leave her alone. That's why I have to help her. After all, I'm the only one who can understand her.'" -Mukuro Ikusaba, DR 0

This kind of loyalty isn't Despair-inducing at all; that dedication is exactly what she predicted from her obsession. What Junko actually wanted from her, we get a brief taste of when she speaks in the final trial of THH- "Because naturally, she turned out to be the letdown of the family. Leaving me behind to run off and join some band of mercenaries... Such a disappointment." The Despair of abandonment, of betrayal, was what she wanted. But Mukuro is too loyal for her own good. That's just annoying.

Mukuro is emotionally abusive, or would be if her sister were anyone but Junko, lusting after her own blood sister in a way that's considered taboo and perverse. This lust develops from an obsessive need to stay loyal to her sister, while Junko verbally abuses her right back, talking down to her and keeping her under her heel, mocking her at all available opportunities and treating her in a way that would make anyone else feel like shit. Not so for Mukuro, the person who's been next to her since birth and has stood by her side through all her Despair. They abuse each other, but there's an unspoken bond that allows for their relationship to function regardless, albeit in a twisted way. They're sisters, equally matched, and together, they become two halves of a whole terrorist. Despair is toxic for anybody, and Junko's own affliction leads Mukuro's obsessiveness to chain herself to Junko's side. They're twins who were born together, after all, and who else could even begin to understand Junko's Despair?

4.1- Despaircest & Anime (CW: Still Incest)

We've seen the relationship that Mukuro and Junko have with each other, both as it was alluded to in earlier depictions and how they interact with each other immediately in the anime. And, despite the fact that it wasn't directly shown to us before said anime, there were hints of the intention of a one-sided incest in DR 0, as well as repeated examples of Junko treating her sister poorly on a surface level and how much she actually valued her within THH and DR IF. Going into the anime, this would be the first time we'd actually see Junko and Mukuro interacting directly with each other as themselves. This could have been the time where we get to see just how twisted their relationship actually is, getting to see how, and maybe even why, they began treating each other in this way. We could've gotten more of a glimpse into their backstory, when they separated, and the inherently self-destructive cycle they pull each other into. Here's what we got instead:

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Rather than actually explore the real depth of their fucked up relationship, the anime elects to play it up for the sake of fanservice. This is admittedly an ongoing problem in most of DR3, as it throws most of its female characters into very compromising positions and focuses in on their bodies when they're being brutalized in one way or another and not doing the same for the men, but that only makes this lack of tact worse. There's no interest in actually addressing this darker plot point beyond the most basic surface level because to go any deeper would make it more difficult to get your rocks off to it. It's a shame to create such a conceptually fascinating relationship that would've made for a fantastic way to develop Mukuro as a villain more and Junko as a human more, and just use it for cheap servicy gags. I feel like it isn't an unreasonable statement to say that this was lazy. Danganronpa is supposed to be a series that explores dark topics and uses them to create tragedy and develop its characters. In the face of that, this was cheap.

Hell, this very scene says it itself: they're using Despair to create a fucked up pleasure for the viewer! The incest being played up for fanservice instead of acknowledging Mukuro as a character is, from a meta perspective, Despair-inducing. To the writers and to Mukuro, Mukuro doesn't matter outside of Junko. Her suffering is pleasurable to the audience in a way that's outside of social acceptability, in the way she needed to be used for so long just to exist. BUT WE ALREADY KNEW THAT. We didn't need to boil Mukuro down to an extension of Junko; Mukuro already did that to herself. Maybe this is just me complaining because it's not what I wanted to see from this plotline; I'm not ashamed to admit that. I think being able to acknowledge your biases as a consumer is important when critically looking at a piece of media. But I stand by my assertion that the presentation of this point is sloppy and surface-level, and should've been handled with more tact.

Part 5- The Murder of Mukuro Ikusaba

Junko treats her sister like trash, but despite this, we know that she does respect her. In fact, she has to consider Mukuro as an equal, because if she didn't, she wouldn't hold her as equal parts Despair as herself. Yet, when she reveals herself at the end of THH, she affirms that they were equals- both the Despair Sisters, who worked together("We were the Ultimate Despair, ya know?"), and in the same breath, describes her atrocities and mocks her memory as a disappointment. She sees Mukuro as not just a person, but a legitimate danger and a harbringer of Despair that's worth recognizing. Thus, as a sister, it causes her Despair to prevent anyone else from seeing that and paints Mukuro as just another victim of hers("She was nothing more than a bit player, an extra unworthy of lines."). Playing up her betrayal of Mukuro and her supposed disdain for her sister strips her of her agency as Ultimate Despair to their classmates, without letting them see her true self either. She becomes just another faceless victim, and Junko holds the memory of the true Mukuro Ikusaba, merciless killer and all, wholly to herself.

In the au light novel DR IF, Makoto remembers Mukuro, and inadvertently saves her from this fate. This leads the rest of the LN to focus on Mukuro and her relationship with Junko from her perspective as she copes with the reality that her sister betrayed her. It differentiates herself from Despair, and from her POV, we learn how she thought Junko felt vs how she actually did. Junko lives her life hopelessly- she's too smart for her own good, and can predict the moves of society and of the people around her. Mukuro believed she was the only one who fully understood Junko, so she acted perfectly in accordance with her plans, never once rebelling or going against her. She tries to convince herself to crave her sister's Despair so she would feel Despair from that desire, so she can remain close to her. But that wasn't the Despair Junko wanted. All along, what Junko wanted was for Mukuro to betray her because of her love for her. Without Mukuro, her plans would fall apart. She wouldn't be able to break into Hope's Peak as she did, nor would she be able to protect herself when attacked. Mukuro was what allowed her to gather as much power as she did over Hope's Peak, infiltrating and gathering blackmail, kidnapping chairmen, and so on. Mukuro was the brawn to Junko's brain. So the one thing that could destroy her plans, and bring her a Despair greater than any other, would be if her other half abandoned her. In DR IF, she learns this as Junko finally tells her that she loves her to her face. She breaks Mukuro's chains, and sets her free from her Despair to heal without her by rejecting her help, in a roundabout, Junko-esque way. In canon, though, Mukuro doesn't get to have that realization. She doesn't have the emotional intelligence to put those pieces together herself, and tired of waiting, tired of hoping, Junko gives herself an alternate Despair- the Despair of killing her own sister in cold blood.

The identity and death of Mukuro exist to keep the identity of the mastermind shrouded in mystery. Within THH, she's someone who's important from a narrative perspective- not as a person, but as an entity- designed to facilitate the reveal of the real Junko. Her murder is thus a murder of both her literally, and the murder of her personhood, as Mukuro is the one character that never gets to introduce herself. Junko makes it so, and wipes the memories of the class so that Mukuro Ikusaba will no longer exist outside of herself.

We're introduced to Mukuro not as Mukuro, but as Junko, wearing a wig and costume to appear as similar to her well-known sister as possible, and acting out her sister's fashion diva personality as convincingly as possible. It's tropey and typical of a fashionista- she cares about her looks a little too much during a killing game, acts like she's above the killing game and wants out of it, and explains away any imperfections as 'oh you haven't heard of photoshop before?'

There's no reason not to trust her at that point because no one thinks they've met her before. In DR IF, Makoto is able to recognize her through the outfit and charade, but that's only with his memories intact. Those memories have been thoroughly covered up by Junko in reality, and so the Mukuro Ikusaba she knows dies invisibly, betrayed and unrecognized as her classmates and friends mourn her killer instead. Junko gives her sister the worst Despair of all- being truly forgotten. After this, no one would remember who she was ever again, locked away in the mind of the person who'd never show her affection.

Not only that, Junko killing Mukuro and emphasizing how little she cared about that decision served to make the survivors hate her- her old friends now despised even looking at her, and brought her more Despair.

"Which is precisely why I killed her- to meet everyone's expectations." "That... can't be your only reason, can it?" "Well no, of course not. I also did it to avoid becoming bored." -Junko Enoshima & Makoto Naegi, THH

Despite that, being the one to kill Mukuro brings her a Despair like no other, with her describing it as "super super super super super Despair. No, more than that... Super super super super super super super super super super super super super super super Despair... It just feels... so... good..."

Junko did love her sister, and made everyone else she loved believe otherwise so she could feed off the Despair from their hatred.

Part 6- Ultimate Despair and Junko Enoshima

"The Ultimate Despair... A group of people who caused the Tragedy one year ago... Those same people put together this killing game and began broadcasting it around the entire world. The most desperately awful group of people ever... *That* is the mastermind's true identity." -Makoto Naegi, THH

Make no mistake- despite what the surface level of the series would have you believe, Junko Enoshima isn't the Ultimate Despair. There is no the Ultimate Despair because Despair isn't confined to any one person. Rather, Junko Enoshima is afflicted with Ultimate Despair. Despair, by nature, is grief. It's a pain inflicted by the death of hope, whether that be through the loss of a dream, a person, or whatever else. You grieve that loss, and it takes the form of Despair. Ultimate Despair takes that grief and amplifies it, destroying any sense of self and replacing it with the desire for more Despair. This is the type of Despair that Junko Enoshima feels, and thus, uses her own talents to embody it and spread it. It's a bold claim to make, I realize, that she isn't the SHSL Despair she defines herself as, but it's the basis this entire analysis leads to, and as the evidence over the course of the series develops her character more and more, it goes from some theoretical musing to legitimate design, all the way through to the end of V3. Though she immerses herself within Ultimate Despair, she herself is not Despair incarnate like she'd have you believe.

As we see her in THH, Junko is repeatedly hammered in as 'one of two' by the narrative. It's not just Junko that's formed Ultimate Despair; it's also Mukuro, and they're not referred to as 'Ultimate Despair and her sister', they're 'the Despair Sisters'. For all her charisma she displays, she alone isn't responsible for the Tragedy. Everyone is capable of feeling Despair. It's that foothold Despair has within her that creates an 'Ultimate Despair'. And while yes, Junko was definitely the most afflicted with Ultimate Despair, she didn't get as far as she did just by being horny for grief. She has a title, a real one, and it's not SHSL Gyaru. That was her cover, something she could use thanks to her real talent. Her real talent was only ever known by a select few, and to know what that is, you have to dive into the (criminally underrated, may I add) 2-volume novel set, Danganronpa 0.

Part 7- Ryoko Otonashi (DR 0)

(Little disclaimer here: Before I actually talk about the novel, I did want to quickly assert that DR 0 is both a mainline release to the Danganronpa series and 100% canon. Written and released by series creator Kazutaka Kodaka himself in 2011, it was written specifically to fill out Junko's character more. As such, everything contained within them are unquestionably canon to the world and its characters, something critically important to understand when talking about how it pertains to Junko Enoshima. I think just about anyone who's read DR 0 before knows all this already, but for the sake of anyone reading this who hasn't, I wanted to assert that.)

Ryoko Otonashi is the protagonist of DR 0, and is introduced to us as an audience in a 1st-person perspective. While she isn't the only character we follow in this series, she's the only one to speak to the reader straight-up, introducing herself and reacting immediately to the people and events in front of her. This is for good reason, as Ryoko is suffering from some form of amnesia. Not only does she not remember anything about her childhood or her identity, she also forgets things as they're happening. She can't even remember her name, and is only able to recall it by reading the cover of her notebook- 'Ryoko Otonashi's Memory Notebook,' where she's writing down everything in front of her as it happens so she can try to remember later.

Most of the story is told through Ryoko's perspective as she tries to avoid being caught up in some massive conspiracy within the school- all without actually remembering the conspiracy she's avoiding. Junko Enoshima is the one responsible for this, directing her from place to place and slowly forcing her to confront the conspiracy as she starts to figure out who she is and how she fits into it all. She insists over and over again that it has nothing to do with her, that she's innocent and has never met any of these people before and desperately tries to believe it- her memory is gone, therefore she could not be responsible.

But she is responsible, because she's not Ryoko Otonashi. Her real name is Junko Enoshima, and she's the SHSL Analyst, a girl with such a strong logical capacity that given enough information, she can perfectly understand and predict anything. This could be the actions and personality of a person, or it could be upcoming trends in fashion; whatever it may be, Junko is capable of perfectly analyzing and understanding what will happen in any given situation, long before the world does. And that type of intelligence has rotted away her mind.

Simply put, the human brain requires stimulation. Boredom is her opponent, and in a world where she can fully understand and predict anything at any time, Junko has nothing to stimulate her, and almost nothing can bring her any joy, because she fully anticipates it. Everything is normal, predictable, boring- it's left her with a case of intense anhedonia. Therefore, the only way she could find any happiness is in a world where that talent is stripped away from her. As Ryoko Otonashi, a girl with no memory, she can remember nothing and therefore predict nothing. Analysis requires data, and a blank slate offers none. Even her name is in reference to this, as 'Otonashii' translates to English as 'no sound' or 'quiet'. Only without memory can Junko's mind be silent and let her be genuinely happy.

Ryoko Otonashi is essentially a personality created by Junko as a test, not just for the people around her, but also for herself. Throughout the novel, Mukuro and Yasuke interact with her with opposing goals- Mukuro pushes her into the fray of Despair she's created, while Yasuke tries his best to keep her eyes and ears covered. Ryoko is in a unique position between the two- she's starting to remember and understand herself again, but is terrified of what she'll find, and wants to hold onto her peace with Yasuke. The ongoing question of the novel, which only reveals itself on a reread, isn't within Ryoko's identity itself. It asks the question of whether or not Junko could have been saved from Despair. And the answer, sadly, is no. Remembering anything for too long makes her forget her happiness, and she falls back into Despair, killing Ryoko Otonashi, the epitome of her peace, with her own hands.

Mukuro and Yasuke act as opposing forces within the novel, as both feel a loyalty to Junko that makes them act in what they believe to be her benefit, and both fail. Mukuro drags her kicking and screaming back into the depths of Despair to bring back the madness she sees Junko as, while Yasuke wipes her mind of everything that made her Junko to remove what plagued her. For Junko, balance isn't an option, and the people within her orbit fall victim to that same mentality.

7.1- Personality Disorders In Danganronpa

I'm not a psychologist, nor do I have any sort of split personality(DID, OSDD, etc). So my knowledge on the subject isn't that great, and everything said within this section should be taken with a grain of salt. But, to the best that I can tell, Ryoko's existence as an alter is sort of... mixed up. Other characters in the DR series (Toko & Genocider) make it pretty clear that Kodaka doesn't really have a fantastic understanding of people with DID outside of how they're stereotyped in the horror genre. And that background knowledge, combined with the presentation of Ryoko in DR 0, makes me think she was likely intended to be an alter, but as one that Junko had almost absolute control over, as at multiple instances, she was able to knock Ryoko out at will, and fully killed her once she'd outlived her usefulness for the experiment. There are parallels to Jekyll and Hyde in that aspect, though of course Jekyll was aware of also being Hyde- an alternate version of yourself created to rid yourself of everything about yourself that you despise is very reminiscent of Jekyll's motivations, down to the permanent erasure of the "good" side by the very end. It's also worth noting that Jekyll and Hyde weren't intended as an example of DID, but rather, an exploration of how every person is multifaceted with good and bad parts, even if modern day interpretations often read it as another example of the evil DID trope from 1960 and beyond(thanks a lot, Psycho).

There are several interactions between Ryoko and Junko that support them being two personalities within the same body rather than just a case of memory erasure. For example, when Ryoko is nearly killed by one of the SHSL Octuplets, Junko emerges just to make sure she isn’t killed, citing it as a minor nuisance.

“‘Upupu, I wonder if I was a bit too harsh.’ The voice said, it sounded close. ‘... But it can’t be helped. It’d just be embarrassing if you died here. After all, you’re the protagonist in this scene for once!’” -Junko Enoshima, DR 0

When Ryoko wakes up in the underground bunker of the Reserve Course cult forming, she comes across a captured member of the Steering Committee. And because she genuinely doesn't know who he is or where she is, he ends up giving her classified information that Junko needed, and the second he reveals it, she's immediately able to knock Ryoko back out and take over once again, having used the Ryoko personality as a front specifically to gain information.

“'The old school building… Kamukura Izuru’s there.' 'P-Please wait..' I ended the conversation prematurely with an interruption. Quickly, I wrote in ‘Otonashi Ryouko’s Memory Notebook’. .... But then… Huh? I suddenly felt an attack of dizziness, I struggled to stay upright. What’s happening?" -Steering Committee Member & Ryoko Otonashi, DR 0

"'Oy, did you hear me?' I didn’t. The beating in my ears was only growing louder, it completely drowned out all other sound, I couldn’t hear anything anymore. I shouldn’t be able to hear anything anymore, and yet I could hear a single, eerie laugh. '...Upupu.'" -Steering Committee Member & Ryoko Otonashi & Junko Enoshima, DR 0

Ryoko's memory of Yasuke is also contingent on whether or not Junko wants her to recognize him, suggesting that to some degree, her memory issues aren't just forcefully induced, but rather, are a conscious choice on Junko's part for Ryoko, as once Junko's plan is in place, she suddenly can't recognize him and is then forced to kill him in self-defense.

"'Are you…talking to me?' He looked exhausted. A face of someone who lost everything. The face of someone who lost all his thoughts, all his senses, and all his emotions. '…You don’t remember me?'" -Ryoko Otonashi & Yasuke Matsuda, DR 0

It's pretty unclear whether this was an intended conclusion from Ryoko's and Junko's behavior in DR 0, or if these are just remnants of Kodaka not knowing how personality disorders work and simply having Junko be so powerful that she can purposefully create, manipulate, and kill personalities at will, but I think looking at it from a more psychological viewpoint like this certainly puts Junko's actions as a manipulator into more perspective. The intention behind Ryoko suggests that Junko's manipulative abilities extended even into her own psyche, almost to a supernatural degree. Do actual systems in the real world function like this? No, but thanks to Toko/Genocider, we know that the representation of DID isn't gonna be good in this series.

If we wanted to put this into a more realistic lens, we could come to the conclusion that Junko's apparent control over Ryoko and the discrepancies behind her existence is a result of Junko having Munchausen Syndrome. Also called factitious disorder, Munchausen is a subconscious psychological condition in which the patient fakes symptoms of other kinds of conditions, whether mental or physical, without realizing they're mimicking the symptoms. Under this lens, we could say Ryoko was a factitious alter that Junko created after Yasuke wiped her memory, hence why she could have control over her over the course of the novel. This was almost definitely not the intended explanation, but it's the conclusion I came to. So there.

Part 8- Relationships

Due to just how many corners of the franchise Junko's present in, there's no convenient place to dump all the relationship analyses like I normally do. Ergo, I'll be breaking part 8 up, and will talk about the different core relationships Junko forms when they're most relevant.

8.1- Yasuke Matsuda

Yasuke Matsuda is the SHSL Neurologist, and a childhood friend of Junko's introduced in DR 0. Because he's the boy she's in love with, he remains the only tangible thing Ryoko can remember outside of her procedural memory, and is treating her memory loss. He's also the one primarily responsible for wiping her mind and assisting the school in the coverup of the student council massacre that Junko was responsible for, though he takes no pleasure in it.

"The silence continued for a while until Matsuda sighed and muttered, 'You should worry.' His voice was low and depressing. 'What if you’ll always be like this......'" -Yasuke Matsuda, DR 0

Despite his tsundere behaviors towards Ryoko whenever the two are face-to-face, he's very much in love with her, and spends the novel trying to look out for what he believes is in her best interests by methodically attempting to remove the Despair from her mind and covering up the Tragedy she's already set into motion. Throughout the novel, he works in cahoots with the Hope's Peak Academy Steering Committee to find more information about the Incident. He does this specifically to defend Ryoko and keep people from interrogating her further, and to hopefully extricate her from the whole situation permanently.

"'I said shut the fuck up.' Matsuda easily quieted the men by saying that and then he continued in a soft voice. 'People might call her an idiot, but she doesn’t even bother to stick up for herself, thinking she can’t do it. So I don’t think I’d be able to forgive myself if I don’t do it for her.'" -Yasuke Matsuda, DR 0

Though we never see it directly, we realize with the help of Kyoko that he's also the one taking the bodies of the Steering Committee and SHSL Octuplets after Mukuro kills them and disposing of them, in the hopes they won't be discovered and Junko will eventually be absolved of both suspicion and Despair.

“Finally she looked at me. ..... ‘The dead body, the body that was dead. There was a post-death body here before!’ ‘Huh?’ ..... ‘There’s not mistake, I know there was definitely a corpse here before!’” -Ryoko Otonashi & Mukuro Ikusaba, DR 0

“Matsuda-kun’s voice was definitely coming from beneath me. There’s no mistaking he was under the bed. ‘But... what would require so much concentration to be under the bed?’ ‘This situation.’ Somehow, Matsuda-kun’s way of putting it could allure to several different meanings.” -Yasuke Matsuda & Ryoko Otonashi, DR 0

"I stood next to the girl, crouched down and peeked under the bed. At the back I could see a large opening, .... 'It’s not a terribly impressive hidden room… a storage room at best.' '…A storage room?' 'For hiding dead bodies.'” -Ryoko Otonashi & Kyoko Kirigiri, DR 0

But despite his best efforts, Junko's talents of analysis were just too great, and she'd already come up with a plan to send her back into Despair before he ever touched her mind. With the help of Mukuro and the growing underground Reserve Course cult of Despair, Ryoko is forced to face Despair after Despair, and is hunted for her involvement in the student council massacre. Junko confronts him and taunts him for his failure, leaving him to wallow.

"'I get it, you feel sorry for her… even so, you’re troubled. You’re incredibly troubled. That’s what it seems like after what I’ve been hearing…'” -Junko Enoshima, DR 0

“'You know, in this scenario, only you can make the choice, Matsuda-kun. So think carefully, worry about it, and choose the choice you think it best. Hope or despair… the choices are so diverse and yet, surprisingly, intricately connected. Anyway, have a good think about it…'" -Junko Enoshima, DR 0

In one final attempt to see if he can salvage her, he approaches Ryoko outside of his lab, pretending as if he's Izuru Kamukura, and questions her. She doesn't recognize him, and he, too, falls into Despair, finally accepting that despite his feelings, he was a pawn to Junko's game, and tries to kill her, sending Ryoko towards Despair as she realizes who she's speaking to and can't convince him she loves him anymore. Defending herself, she ends up stabbing him, sending herself spiraling as she becomes her lover's killer, and Junko reemerges from her mind, killing her off in front of him and forcing him to die in Despair.

He dies believing Junko never actually loved him. He becomes thoroughly convinced that she was pretending, and that Ryoko was nothing more than a part of the game to send him into Despair. And that perception of Junko combined with her causing his death brings Junko an indescribable Despair. The man she loved died by her hands, hating her existence. Truly, this was Despair!

"'I was right, wasn't I? About you remembering? That's why you can't remember me? You remembered that I wasn’t a particularly important person to you…so that's why you can't remember?' Kamukura then revealed his eyes, their glint was tainted with deadly hatred. '…You're such a bitch.'" -Yasuke Matsuda, DR 0

"'There's no way this would have nothing to do with me…' There was a hint of sadness laid somewhere in that murmuring voice. 'After all…you were the most important person to me of all…' Those were her true feelings. Yasuke Matsuda was an especially important existence for Junko Enoshima." -Junko Enoshima, DR 0

She loved Yasuke intensely. She cared about him moreso than anyone else, save Mukuro. And yet, despite how attached he was to her, Yasuke couldn't realize in his own Despair that there'd be no reason for someone like Junko to bother dragging herself through so much mental torment and manipulation at his expense if she wouldn't get a magnificent Despair out of it. Yes, she causes Despair for others, but she doesn't throw herself directly into the fray unless she gets something out of it. Despite loving her, he never actually understood her. That truth, too, would bring her Despair.

Part 9- How Junko Shaped the Game

Turning back towards THH, Junko's reveal shakes the class. Most of them believed that finding the mastermind and forcing them to show their face would end the game. But that's not the case for Junko Enoshima. She's not through with them yet, and takes the opportunity to rub everything they've lost in their faces.

"Puhuhuhu... Did you really think the story would end once we reached the climax of the case? Wrong! There's still plenty more to go!" -Monokuma, THH

Throughout all of THH, Junko's plan is hinged on Despair, and thus, she takes her class, which had become close friends and confidants over the past two years of their lives, and attacks what would bring them the worst Despairs possible for each. Her talents as SHSL Analyst allowed her to analyze her own classmates and tear at what would've made their 16-to-20 year old selves when they first met snap. And each one of the motives she used was designed specifically for that, something she makes sure to cite when taunting them ("Did you notice that each motive I presented you had a specific theme to it?")

The first motive's theme was 'human connections', and everything surrounding the first chapter reflects this. Sayaka's motive wasn't just about her career. It was about the family she'd found and not letting down the people who loved her. And on a meta perspective, the first chapter was also about relationships, specifically that between Sayaka and Makoto and how that relationship's end motivated Makoto to eventually become SHSL Hope, and to a lesser degree, starting the development of the critical relationship between Hina and Sakura.

The second motive's theme was 'the past', something the 2nd chapter very much reflects. The secrets that Junko uses against the class are extremely personal to each of their histories, and can be used to twist each of them to head towards Despair, whether that be through their own hand or their own poor judgements of the people around them from their lack of memories. Mondo's secret isn't just tragic; Junko purposefully warps it in his letter to affirm his own belief that Daiya's death was murder and not just an accident, and because no one knows its contents, it sends him into a spiral. The same can be said for Chihiro, whose secret implies that their gender presentation is a lie, forcing them into a conformatory decision that leads to tragedy. Her classmates' memories of the past are presented in a warped way to suit Junko's needs. Toko's secret of having DID and a serial killer alter, Genocider Syo, is also revealed and used to develop her more as a character when she's the one most afraid of opening up to the class.

The third motive's theme is 'greed', using the promise of wealth to lure Celeste to murder. Even if you could argue other characters within the class could have fallen victim to the first two motives, this one is undoubtedly meant to target the Yasuhiros on Junko's part, as realistically, no one else in their class has any reason to even consider killing for money by itself, especially not when there's already been two class trials. The Yasuhiros are the only ones who consider themselves to be in any level of financial need. This theme is also meta-reflected by the possessive nature Kiyondo and Hifumi both develop over Alter Ego. Because neither of them can keep themselves away from them, they became easily manipulated, and it became harder for the rest of the class to obtain information and watch out for each other, forming a tunnel vision towards Alter Ego in their minds. This contrasts Celeste and Hiro greatly as well- Celeste is consumed by her own greed, while Hiro doesn't even consider killing for the money, opting instead to try and look out for the class and develop him as a survivor. Hiro's the one that looks out for Taka and calls out Hifumi on his obsession; Hiro's lured into Celeste's trap by promise of a way to save everyone, while Celeste rejects her class in favor of fighting for a selfish dream she didn't even need.

The 4th motive is that of 'betrayal', and this one is where the cracks in Junko's plan finally reveal themselves. Each and every trial before this one ended in tears and Despair, and a sense of hopelessness that wasn't alleviated until they were given new distractions. Sakura's betrayal is meant to mirror Junko's own betrayal of her classmates, and when half the class instantly turns on her, things go exactly as Junko plans. Sakura swears to destroy Junko by any means necessary, and takes her own life in an attempt to take the fun from Junko. With Monokuma's meddling, Hina is instead pushed into attempting a murder-suicide, one she's caught for by Kyoko and Makoto. But once the truth comes out, Sakura and Hina aren't condemned. Those that attacked her end up defending her. Sakura doesn't betray her class; Sakura betrays Junko, and it puts her on the path to failure. Junko even admits to this, though indirectly: "Once I revealed Sakura's betrayal, that led to everything that came afterwards..." Note this is the only time where she doesn't expressly explain to the survivors why her motive was successful, because in this instance, it wasn't. It also fills out Hina as a character and uses her arc of an attempted self-destruction to contrast Junko, as Hina let herself be forgiven by her classmates, something Junko could never let herself do.

Part 10- Self-Destruction (Junko vs Sakura)

Despite the fact that Makoto is the character christened as SHSL Hope at the end of THH, there are a lot more parallels between Junko's self-destructive nature and Sakura's self-sacrifice that often go unnoticed, and these parallels are quintessential to the overarching narrative of THH and why Junko functioned as its villain.

Both Sakura and Junko do the things they do because they love the people around them. Both Sakura and Junko find themselves to fall short of who they'd rather be. Both Sakura and Junko kill themselves. But their goals are fundamentally, diametrically opposed.

Sakura Ogami, as a martial artist, is a woman of honor and principles. She believes in the inherent worth of the people around her because of this, and strives to become the strongest person alive not because it's a desire of her own, but because that's the destination the people who loved her had in mind for her(her father, Kenshiro, etc). And therefore, she's someone who fundamentally wishes to act in the best interests of the people she loves, even when it's at her own detriment.

Junko Enoshima, as a hyperintelligent analyst, is able to predict anything. And because she can predict anything, she can enjoy nothing, because she always knows what will happen before it gets there. Ergo, the only way she can enjoy herself is via the only thing that can make her feel- Despair. Grief and pain still feel like something in a world where she can't be pleasantly surprised by anything. She despises herself for it, and so in order to feel, she decimates anything that brings her joy. Joy is boring; joy is nothing; joy is just part of the default setting because she still sees it coming. And therefore, she's someone who fundamentally acts in the worst interests of those she loves, for the sake of her own detriment.

When Sakura kills herself, and Hina is filled with Despair, Junko wants to revel in the Despair this brings everyone else. Sakura killed herself for people that weren't giving her the time of day, and the one person who gave a crap tried to kill you all! Isn't it so tragic, so Despair-inducing, don't you just want to break down and crumble?! And then they don't. Instead, after hearing the truth of Sakura's actions, the entire rest of the class is uplifted and united by her honor. Even Byakuya is feeling hopeful now! What the actual fuck is happening?! Is this how they'll feel when I die, too? Will my death bring no Despair?

8.2- Class 78-B

We never get to actually see any of her classmates interacting directly with her in their school days, or in any way that was positive. Outside of THH's and SDR2's final trials, we as an audience don't get to see them interact as friends. So we have to draw these conclusions from what little context we were given within her dialogue in these few rare moments in THH and the mentions of her class in DR 0.

"There was a tap inside [Junko's] skull, like someone pressed a switch and slowly her entire brain lit up with a notion. Several faces appeared. Of course, they were faces she knew… they were the faces of her Hope’s Peak Academy classmates." -DR 0

Without any doubt, Junko loved her classmates. They were people she considered in high regard and had unwittingly fallen for their unique charms. While Junko had come to Hope's Peak with the intention of causing Despair, she'd accidentally found people that made her happy. When entering the school, she intended to use the people around her to damage the school of Hope's reputation, but inadvertently became attached: "Once your school life here began, I thought about you constantly. It's only natural that I would... fall in love." This made for a fantastic happy accident for Junko, as finding something beloved made for a much more fantastic Despair for her later.

"Remembering the faces of the people who would bring her such despair, she felt something that was similar to a person in love, and she danced to the rhythm of Despair. 'This is it! This is a fantastic despair!'" -Junko Enoshima, DR 0

We can also reasonably assume Junko was someone her classmates had considered dear to them in turn, as she not only knew how to motivate their past selves into murder, but also their deepest secrets and fears, and was able to attack their relationships when they themselves couldn't even remember them. Could you handwave that level of connection with her SHSL Analyst talent? Actually, no, because as stated previously, analysis requires data. And the only way she could gather enough data to understand them at a depth that let her plan her killing game to perfection was by getting to know them firsthand.

There's also a strange implication within Junko's explanation of how she put the killing game together that I think gets often overlooked. When she prepares to infodump to the remaining survivors, she says this:

"So since I love you guys so much, I'll tell you all about it! All about the idea we came up with as the Ultimate Despair- our plan to bring Despair to all mankind!"

It's an interesting choice of pronoun, to say the least. "We." It implies that the group she's referring to when she speaks is herself and the people she's speaking to at this moment in time. Could she just be switching gears and talking about Mukuro, and later, the RoD, Kamakura, the WoH, etc? Yeah, absolutely. But none of these characters had even been mentioned, whereas she was just speaking on her love for her classmates in the dialogue prior and continues to talk about her classmates after.

In listening to Junko's explanation of how she put the killing game together, it made me come to a pretty disturbing realization. One of the biggest things about Junko is how she's always able to seemingly pull together everything to form this killing game almost entirely by herself. Later installments to the series include some level of explanations- Towa Group becoming a financial and robotic sponsor, a SHSL Mechanic that could've made the executions, etc- but her success within the killing game hinges fully on her knowing how to best bring her classmates to Despair. And she's not just an analyst; Junko is a master manipulator. Throughout her entire explanation of how she created the killing game, she never says she threw them into the killing game against their will. Instead, she very deliberately calls attention to her classmates' choice in the matter, over and over again. They chose to enter the shelter, they chose to lock the doors and cover the windows, they chose to be there with the SHSL Despair, though they didn't know who they were with at the time. Makoto is the one to assert that they did so because they believed in the hope of survivng, and giving the world a fresh start. But it's not just their year's worth of fun school classes missing from their memories. There's also a year of hopelessness within the school erased, too. Combine this with a few well-placed lines from Junko.

"You see, by taking away your memories, I gave you hope."

"You absorbed all that Despair, but then you forgot it all."

"Despair is contagious, you know. It's almost like... a natural phenomenon."

"Once you'd finished building your little shelter, it was time for me and Mukuro to get to work. And thus began the killing game!"

If Junko is making the claim that she was able to give them hope by removing their memories, that meant none of them had any to begin with. She emphasizes how much Despair her classmates absorbed, and even Kyoko herself states that it's impossible for all this to have been put together by just the Despair Sisters. If an additional year of hopelessness waiting around within the school were also erased, and Junko is intentionally avoiding saying she started the killing game herself, is it beyond reason to suggest that at least some of the 78th class had fallen to Despair in that timeframe? Look at the survivors that are left- Byakuya, Toko, Syo, Hina, Hiro. All characters that Do Not Like each other by this point. Most of the meaningful connections between the classmates have been murdered. Their past is scrubbed away. They've basically all betrayed each other at least once by now, and have been pushed to the brink of Despair. If you got a collection of THH characters most likely to fall to Despair, it'd be this group.

Junko even takes a point to emphasize just how Despair-inducing the truth can become, targeting Kyoko directly with this. As Kyoko comes to the realization the Junko purposefully designed the game with the possibility of being caught, she revels in Kyoko's Despair. She taunts her with the fact that their solving the mystery only made things worse. She is purposefully trying to drive the rest of her surviving classmates into SHSL Despair alongside her. She's manipulated the game and her classmates to get what she wants- the people she loves slaughtered, the survivors joining her in Despair, the world reborn by her hands. She quite likely manipulated her classmates into plotting each other's deaths not only inside the game, but in preparation for it as well.

Out of all her classmates, there was only really one you could argue wasn't perfectly analyzed and manipulated. One stood out among the rest as the unknown variable- a concept otherwise foreign to Junko- that was able to act as a wrench in her plans. And this, too, could cause her Despair.

8.3- Makoto Naegi (Hope vs Despair)

Makoto Naegi's SHSL Luck, AKA SHSL Hope, is the one who takes down Junko Enoshima's SHSL Despair. But why and how was this possible, and what does that mean for the relationship that he and Junko had prior to the game? If I wanted to fully delve into their relationship specifically, I'd need to really tear into Makoto's character, and I don't really have the time for that today(again, still hoping to get this out before 2025), so we'll just do the best we can based off the scenes they've had together and what we know about Junko to put the pieces together thematically.

Makoto is an average guy in just about every sense of the word. He likes average things, he looks plain, he's chosen randomly by lottery instead of earning his place in the school, he doesn't have any noticeable traits or beliefs- at least, not at first.

"But you know, if I had any one kind of strong point, so to speak, I'd say I'm a little more gung-ho than other people." -Makoto Naegi, THH prologue

By his own admission, he has a grand total of two character traits- abnormal normalcy, and enthusiasm. He's optimistic, and that's kind of it. By all intents and purposes, he's the SHSL Joe Schmoe, and that should make him another blank canvas on the wall of pawns Junko can knock over whenever she gets a little bored. And yet, SHSL Joe Schmoe is the one directly responsible for Junko's failure, and the one person who, by her own admission, she cannot predict. So why and how exactly is that?

I recall reading a story about a coding competition, where coders were meant to design an AI for a gambling competition. One entry proceeded to make an AI that would go all in every single time it was its turn, and the simplicity of it was so intimidating that it broke every other AI that was in the competition. That mentality is the exact strategy Makoto unintentionally employs. He doesn't have any strong sense of self or moral complexities; he's a dude that exists, and he throws everything he is into everything he does. He's an optimist to the highest possible sense. He leaves his door unlocked even after 4 murder cases and a break-in. He refuses to fathom anything but the best possible outcome, and so he's able to combat Junko's total Despair with pure hope. Makoto's head is so completely simple and empty that it acts as the exact opposite to Junko's highly intelligent, analytical mind. When she tries to force-feed him Despair in the final trial, he hits her with the power of 'nuh-uh,' and it works. It's that emptiness that fascinates Junko, and makes him and his random chance luck unpredictable to her.

Part 11- "Defeating" Despair

When Junko loses, it's not just because she failed to convince the others of Despair, or that Makoto's hope was just naturally the stronger conviction of the two. Rather, Junko's loss can be attributed to her own conscious choice to lose. Even if we're looking solely at THH, this is the case. And the source is found in a single line.

If her conviction to win in this moment was absolute to the point where only one person had to vote for Despair, she just had to include herself in the votes. After all, she is one of the 16 students participating, and by all accounts, she should receive a vote for this trial. But she casually refuses, instead leaving it in the hands of the survivors to make the final call. And that in and of itself is indicative of Junko's desires. When faced with a situation she can easily control, she leaves it to fate to decide, allowing that glimmer of unpredictability to take over and surprise her. She'll always believe in the Despair she's dedicated herself to; it doesn't actually matter who wins here. What matters is that she feels Despair. Either Makoto succeeds in convincing his classmates of hope and kills her, ruining all her plans, or he fails, and she exterminates the one unpredictable person in her life and locks herself out of that rush of adrenaline for the rest of her life. Either ending would fill her with Despair, and in that sense, there is no way for her to lose. She won the killing game, whether the survivors realized it or not, because she succeeded in destroying herself. She built herself a Saw trap, and her loved ones set it off.

Part 12- Execution Analysis

Junko is the only character to walk willingly into her execution, even being the one to hit the red button to start up the punishment rather than having Monokuma do it. You can first attribute this to her no longer being in the control room to pilot Monokuma to do so, which is true, but it's also representative of her desire for self-inflicted Despair. Her eyes are swirling with Despair and she goes on about how good it feels, how everyone should die in such Despair, how this punishment is 'extra special', because it's one she brought on herself. After methodically destroying the most important relationships of her life one by one, she'd now be killed by her friends in a series of recycled contraptions in an 'Ultimate Punishment'.

As she goes through each step of the execution, we see her bearing a wide grin, flying through the machinery that'd killed every one of her executed friends over and over again. She hits every baseball, handles the Cage of Death with ease, calmly survives the firetruck, and bobs her head with the excavator. She doesn't struggle, not once, and this is because in prolonging her Despair, her SHSL Analyst talent is keeping her alive. She's watched every one of these executions, and thus, knows how to survive them all. It's not just a retrospect of every prior execution as a callback for the audience; it means something. With a punishment meant to bring the character's worst ironic death via their most hated parts of themselves, then of course Junko's analytic abilities are keeping her alive through everyone else's Despair.

The execution ends with the return of the After-School Lesson, and this is the one that finally kills her, because it's the only one in which she doesn't know how it ends. Makoto's execution was tampered with by Alter Ego, so there's no way to know if she'll actually die or not. Junko can't know if it still works or not. Junko doesn't know whether she'll live or die, and that's what makes it so exciting. She's driven to the edge of death and left to sit there for a moment too long, long enough for the Despair to be replaced with disappointment- only to kill her right when her Despair abandons her. She stops smiling, looks up at the press, and dies abruptly. In her final moments, she is denied her Despair. Makoto did win, after all.

Part 13- Answering the 'How' (SDR2)

One of the biggest 'what-the-fuck's people tend to have after walking out of their first playthrough or watchthrough of THH is the How of the entire game. The first game is good and all, but it leaves Junko's skills and how she set up and pulled the killing game together pretty vague. This is intentional, as in the first game, she exists as a kind of force of nature, representing Despair as an inherent part of life in the same way Makoto represents hope. But after Spike Chunsoft commissioned a sequel, and Kodaka set to work on DR 0, the question of 'how' had to be answered as the series was expanded upon. This started with the introduction of Yasuke Matsuda's memory erasure technology and the reveal of Junko's SHSL Analyst status in DR 0, but continued to expand well beyond that.

In SDR2, we're introduced to an entirely new cast of characters, all with new and less conventional talents in comparison to the first cast. Whereas THH had plenty of more mentally-oriented talents like programming, writing, and hall monitor to balance out their more eclectic ones, the SDR2 cast is almost entirely physical or social talents like a yakuza, animal breeder, and mechanic. These talents also put them into more social or powerful positions than the 78th class on an overall skill, as you find yourself full of people that could command full armies and people proficient with making weaponry or fighting and potentially killing the people around them. This differentiates the casts, and automatically makes them more threatening in the ways they could attack each other in a killing game. This also makes them Junko's perfect weapons.

8.4- Remnants of Despair

Class 77 is revealed by the end of SDR2 to be the Remnants of Despair, pawns swayed over to SHSL Despair by unknown means. Makoto refers to this conversion as 'brainwashing', though whether this is him literally knowing they were brainwashed or making an inference and later being proven right is unclear. Regardless, the RoD are part of the SHSL Despair movement, and exist to explain a lot of how Junko was able to not only set up the killing game mechanically, but continue to end the world and send it into ongoing war after the initial Incident.

This is something especially apparent with the remaining surviving cast, as they're the most immediately powerful amongst the cast for Junko to use. Sonia and Fuyuhiko are both in direct command of massive amounts of people, with Sonia being the heiress to an entire country and Fuyuhiko being the leader of the largest mafia in Japan. Kazuichi as the SHSL Mechanic explains how and why so many elaborate executions were able to be designed ahead of time for the killing game, and Akane is a wicked fast athlete who's already accustomed to tragedies and will eat anything. On top of all this, there's Hajime, a human experiment worked on by those in league with the values of hope, and that was forcefully imbued with every talent that's ever been documented, including Junko's.

This sums up everything that made the RoD useful, but doesn't explain how any sort of meaningful connection was established between them and Junko. That's because on the overall, there isn't one. With two notable exceptions, the SDR2 class is largely unimportant to Junko emotionally speaking. They're useful, and that's about it. They weren't in the same class; they didn't interact at school or bond in any important way. She just dragged them down with the bare minimum brainwashing video because of their usefulness.

We also know Junko didn't care because of just how differently she speaks to and treats class 77 as opposed to the characters that we know she does love. The series painstakingly makes sure you know that Junko tears up everything she loves- Mukuro, Yasuke, class 78. She gores through them because hurting the ones she loves hurts her right back, and gives her an excellent Despair. But with class 77? Beyond the initial conversion, she doesn't really touch them. She doesn't need to waste her time with people who are virtually strangers. Their pain just is Despair; it's not her Despair. It's good for a laugh, but not much else, so she lets them run rampant on their own.

On an overall scale, Junko didn't give a fuck about these people. They existed solely as tools to her, and she interacted with them as little as possible. Unlike with her classmates, whom she loved, she did the absolute bare minimum required to get them to feel Despair by showing them a video and letting them do their own thing. The RoD were Remnants and not full-fledged SHSL Despair because their Despair was artificial. It was inauthentic, and so they could never ascend to true Despair in the way characters like Mukuro, Junko, or Monaca can.

8.5- Mikan Tsumiki (The Relevance of Junkan)

When we're first introduced to the concept of Junkan, it's portrayed as a one-sided infatuation from Mikan's perspective. She tells her classmates about the one person who forgave her existence and loved her anyway, with the choice of language emphasizing her beloved's need for Despair and asking for forgiveness for hoping suggesting that this beloved is Junko.

"Ahhh, this feeling of freedom where you no longer care about anything! My beloved and I are the only ones within that thin veil, and I'm just looking out through it..." -Mikan Tsumuki, SDR2

Whether intended at the time of SDR2's release or not, this line of dialogue ended up foreshadowing Mikan's heightened importance in comparison with the rest of her class to Junko as an RoD. When everyone else were just tools, remnants formed by brainwashing, Mikan is ultimately differentiated as special, not necessarily craving Despair but happily parroting it for the sake of a twisted love.

"It's like nothing matters! I could just die, that's how little it matters! Who cares about hope or despair! It's love, only love!" -Mikan Tsumiki, SDR2

This 'beloved' being Junko is proved true when AI Junko emerges in the final trial and reveals that class 77 are also the RoD. At this point, though, there's almost no evidence that Junko feels anything back for Mikan besides a vague sense of usefulness shared with the rest of her classmates, as she mimes seeing them as friends because of their actions as Remnants of Despair.

Something that's important to remember, however, is that Junko's need for Despair drives her to destroy everything she loves. We've seen this multiple times, over and over again with Mukuro, Yasuke, and her classmates before now. The reason we know she didn't care about class 77 is because there are no such personal attacks to tear them apart and make them despise her specifically- their pain brings her no Despair. There's no evidence of a personal attachment. Once DR3 comes into focus, though, that changes for one RoD in particular- one Mikan Tsumiki.

DR3 made the decision to bring Chiaki back as a human character, and made her the central figure for class 77's bond. Junko dragging out Chiaki's suffering and forcing her classmates to watch became the titular event that drove the rest of class 77 to Despair. But there was no personal attachment to this act, because she'd only just met Chiaki, and there was no dynamic to speak of between the two of them besides maybe a vague sense of interest based off of their single interaction.

So, if there's no established rivalry or connection to Chiaki, why does Junko single her out and kill her specifically? Easy; Junko doesn't. She sets up the maze, sure, but she is not and never was the one targeting Chiaki specifically. That was Mikan, and the show makes sure the audience sees this more than once.

When Mikan and Junko meet, it's because of a chance interaction. Mikan runs into Mukuro by mistake when going to check on Ryota, and is captured. In this sense, she's literally presented as a gift to Junko. Junko learns she's a nurse, and decides she'll let her hang around while she works on the brainwashing video.

In their next scene together, Junko is having Mikan massage her leg, listening as Mikan presents her classmates and friends to Junko. She's the one who tells Junko of how close her class has become, and how Chiaki is the central figure behind their bond. It's where we get this from Junko:

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Though you might not immediately know it, it's swiftly revealed to us that Mikan is now in love with Junko via this and Ryota's mention that something appears 'off' with Mikan. From Ryota's discovery of the prototype video that was used on the Reserve Course students being immediately followed by Mikan's appearance and saying he souldn't have watched the video, it's easy to fall into the assumption that Mikan's fall is purely because of the brainwashing. But that's not necessarily true. Mikan having seen the video prototype is very different from being brainwashed entirely, and considering Junko herself says that the video is insufficient and that she can't brainwash people like Ryota can, there's an inference to be made that while the prototype video may have helped, it didn't rob Mikan of her free will in the way Chiaki's death did for everyone else. Ryota didn't fall into Despair from the video by itself, and neither did Chisa Yukizome. We also know from her FTEs in SDR2 that even before falling to Despair, Mikan was already a little fucked up, as her idea of a good time includes telling you all the ways in which you could die and begging people to treat her like garbage just for a taste of acknowledgement.

We also see what motivated her to nurse not only herself, but others as well- not empathy, but power and control.

"Sick people and injured people... are weaker than me. .... But if I know the proper way to treat them, that means my words are absolute. Which means... They'll need me. They'll depend on me completely." -Mikan Tsumiki, SDR2

Again, all this can be found in her FTEs, in a situation in which she's mentally reverted to the way she was entering the school, before she and Junko were so much as in the same city. By this line of information, it's just as believable that her falling in love with Junko was because Junko and her video actually connected with Mikan, taking Mikan's craving for attention via mistreatment and using it to her advantage. It's also worth noting that the anime makes a point to use 'spiral eyes' to demonstrate when a character has been brainwashed. This is something used with Chisa, with the characters in the Future Arc, and when the RoD are shown Chiaki's murder. But Mikan does not have these spiral eyes in the scene where she nearly assaults Ryota. She's horny, and it's extremely disconcerting, but her eyes are still her own, suggesting that the video didn't take a hold on her the way it did for the Reserve Course students.

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Mikan is also one of the most similar characters to Junko in that she craves pain. Not emotional Despair in the way that Junko does, but physical pain, not only from Junko, but from just about anyone. Pain means attention, and that's something she needs more than anything. By this metric, she and Junko are actually quite similar, needing the worst from the people they love, and this makes for a formula that can create an incredibly abusive relationship. Junko can do literally anything to Mikan, and she'll lap it up like a dog. Mikan makes for a perfect punching bag, and suddenly, their relationship is intentionally paralleling the way Junko treats her sister. She kicks her around, calls her a disgusting horny piglet, and Mikan thanks her for it. It becomes a challenge of seeing how far she can push Mikan before she snaps and attacks her back, just like how she tries and fails to do with Mukuro. Simply put, there's no reason for her to treat Mikan in this way if she doesn't care about her as a person, romantic or otherwise.

This connection Junko forms with Mikan also serves to answer that earlier question: why did she bother with a class full of people she's never met? It's because of Mikan. Mikan is the one to present class 77 to her, and with the context that she goes on to set up a murder maze specially for Chiaki, and specifically says that Mikan has 'made a compelling case', that means Mikan was asking her to make them SHSL Despair. And not only does she do so, she does so in a way that forces Mikan to be the one to lead them into the trap. She brings her classmates to the bunker, she separates Chiaki from the group, she's responsible for sending her loved ones to Despair. This isn't a plot that's personal to Junko; it's a plot that's personal to Mikan, and Junko helping drive Mikan's loved ones into Despair saddles Mikan with a Despairing guilt tied to Junko.

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Driving class 77 to become RoD is an act of love for Mikan- a twisted, abusive love, but a love nonetheless, and one that's in line with the way she drives her own class to Despair and makes herself the crux. Should her classmates realize what's happened, they'll know that Mikan brought them here. The rest of class 77 are Remnants, but Mikan is a SHSL Despair like Mukuro, valued like Mukuro, and her being the one to regain her memories and turn on all her friends once more, betray them once more, is a remnant of Junko's love.

8.6- Izuru Kamukura

When Junko first approaches Kamukura, she does so with the intention of offing him then and there. He's the artificial SHSL Hope, lab-grown by Hope's Peak Academy, and represents everything their research stands for. To kill him would be to kill their work, and that's what she walks in with the intention of doing.

Naturally, she fails, as Izuru's been imbued with every talent known to man. This wasn't outside to realm of possibility for Junko, though. There were several different ways to kill the SHSL Hope invented by Hope's Peak. Whether or not she killed him literally or metaphorically wasn't the point.

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Izuru Kamukura exists as an empty symbol. He's filled with talent and nothing to use it on. Because his existence is an artificial one, he has no passion with which his talents were born, and no drive to use them. If anything, he's not the SHSL Hope, he's the SHSL Talent, but regardless, his creators have labeled him their SHSL Hope so that he can become their puppet-symbol. So to kill the SHSL Hope the trustees have created, all Junko really has to do is get her hands on the puppet first.

The actual convincing of him isn't really what matters to Junko. Similar to the trustees, she also sees Kamukura as a symbol, albeit one to be knocked down instead of bolstering up, so she uses him like a token symbol, too. All she has to do is pique his interest, just enough to get him to follow her, and her job is done. She talks on about her love of Despair, how grief and pain are something that actually makes you feel, and because he's had his emotion removed, that unknown variable is enough to get him to watch, just in case.

Despite his having every known talent, Kamukura is tricked. He's framed by Junko as being responsible for the murders of the student council. And in addition, he sees the power of Despair, as adrenaline from the final survivor pushes him to attack Kamukura even when it should've been physically impossible. When moved by that animalistic need to survive, he manages to cut Kamukura's face even after getting his own sawed in half. Thus the SHSL "Hope" is introduced to the world as creating Despair, and his job is complete.

Junko doesn't really bother with Kamukura after this framing. She lets him hang around, but when he decides to leave, she doesn't make any sort of fuss or try to attack him anymore, because she doesn't really care about him. He was only as important to her as his title was to the school, and once that title was tarnished, any connection between them she pretended to have was dropped. The next time these characters meet, it will no longer be the real Despairing Junko tainting some artificial husk of a person, filled with talent and emptied of heart, but rather, an artificial Despair combatting a survivor's true identity.

Part 14- The Brainwashing

Okay, let's talk about this. Was the brainwashing a good move for the story? Was it actually planned from sdr2? Or was it something half-assed at the last second because Kodaka didn't think that far ahead? Well, imo, it was almost definitely intended from their conception, and is very reflective of Junko's own motivations and goals.

From as early as DR 0, brainwashing tactics are evident within Junko's work. When Ryoko meets the reseve course's underground cult, she finds them watching a single video of mutual killing over and over again, with a fixation on its contents that's unnatural.

"[The cultists] didn‘t even bother to glance at me. Their eyes were still plastered to the monitors in front of them. .... Every monitor was a pitch black, none had a single image projecting on it.

'It‘ll… start again soon… so…' the monobear heads sitting in front of me said in monotone." -DR 0

Brainwashing is again brought up within SDR2, as not only is Hajime expressly a human experiment due to alteration of the brain specifically, but the entire class is referred to by Makoto as 'brainwashed'. At this point in the series, there's no reason for him to actually know this short of Kamukura possibly telling him they were brainwashed, so we can reasonably assume this statement is rooted in Makoto's inability to understand Despair and seeing anyone's craving of it as a mental disease that can be cured(not an unreasonable conclusion to reach, considering the Everything About Junko he was led to witness). Ergo, it's not beyond reason to assume that brainwashing was well within the bounds of possibility for the characters even at that time.

While the idea of brainwashing the class into Despair appears to rob the class of their moral complexities that came from being RoD, the view we as an audience are given by Makoto, Kyoko, and Byakuya within SDR2 is only ever that the RoD were victims of Despair. The survivors are already established as more reliable narrators than AI Junko thanks to the first game, so there's no reason not to trust that what they say is likely true. In addition, Junko never actually directly states that they did it of their own free will, just that they were on the same side and tries to get them not to listen to Makoto, her already-established opposite.

The idea of class 77 being brainwashed went from theory to canon in DR3, and while the method of their brainwashing is controversial(the line 'cutting through their free will like swiss cheese' from the dub is pretty aggravating), it still lines up with Junko's pre-established goals and motivations. She goes to Hope's Peak to tear down Hope and replace it with Despair, and after being shown a class full of Hope united by their love for the same person, she exploits it and is able to use their love against them to create Despair as an outsider. She's introduced to the class, uses them, and then lets them all go do their own Despairing thing because she doesn't actually care what they do. What matters most is her own Despair, and tearing hope to pieces. So her interaction with class 77 remains minimal, a mere experiment for Despair in the same way Hajime was an experiment for hope, and then keeps going about her business, calling on them presumably only if she needs something like the execution contraptions.

14.1- The Despair Videos & Knowing the Difference

There's not just 1 Despair video. Over the course of the anime, we're introduced to three, and each one has different levels of effect on those who watch it. Knowing the difference between these three videos is quintessential when talking about the brainwashing and how each character to watch a video is affected, as well as understanding different characters' roles in the narrative as they pertain to the videos. So let's establish the differences between these 3 videos and their effectiveness before we move forward.

14.1.1- The Student Council Massacre

The first Despair video, aka "the prototype", aka the Mutual Killing Video, is the one created using the footage of the student council's beta mutual killing game. This is the one made solely by Junko's attempted mimicry of Mitarai's animation talents, taking security footage of the mutual killing and sharing it with the Reserve Course and Mikan as a test run. And while it does have some level of effect on them, inspiring 'the parade' and having a hand in Mikan falling for Junko, it doesn't work nearly well enough to actually rewire their brains for Despair or strip them of their hope in the way that Junko would like. Even in the context of a parade, it's still very much a protest in the hopes of change. There's still the demands of a refund, of being let into the main course. Even when shown the Despair of the truth, there is still hope that things can be changed or fixed. And that's not what Junko wants. The only character that we've seen to watch this video to end with the aforementioned 'spiral eye' telltale of true brainwashing is Chisa, who we know was also being actively lobotomized by Mukuro during a repeated viewing to force it to work. This instruction came from some manual Mukuro was left with, presumably written by either Junko or Ryota.

While this video is what starts the parade, what eventually pushes the parade to violence isn't Junko. It's the inaction of Hope's Peak Academy and refusal to acknowledge their mistakes. Instead of coming clean, they bury everything wrong they've done even further and have their security beat the shit out of anyone that tries to find answers for themselves, doing so in the name of 'protecting them' from information. They keep the wrongdoings of their 'real' students under wraps at the expense of their underlings, fully buying into a talent-based hierarchy they created. Those without special talents are sources of finance- nothing more, nothing less. And when that overwhelming majority questions that, and finds evidence that HPA doesn't care, of course they'll retaliate. The video itself isn't a brainwasher, but when combined with the very real negative effects of the classism which the Reserve Course students find themselves hurt by, it makes its influence that much stronger.

14.1.2- Human Chiaki's Death

The second Despair video is Chiaki's execution, and is a live recording shown to her classmates. As far as we've ever seen, this is the only instance in which this is ever shown. This live recording is enough to send class 77 into Despair properly, spiral eyes and all, but there's an underlying implication that the primary reason for this is because of how important Chiaki specifically was to them. Throughout the season, and especially in this episode, Chiaki is established as the glue that holds the class together. Despite not being an extremely sociable person, she connected to her class with her love of games, and her earnest love of it endeared her to them, and their love of her did vice versa. The footage locked them each into place, unable to look away, and once they were at their lowest, at the very end of the video, Junko swoops in to dub them all Remnants and decides for them that they will now cause Despair for her. And because she says this when the live footage has brought them to their lowest, they each fall into this trap, at least to some extent. Whether or not they truly belive in what they're doing, they do it, because that feeling of Despair is their last connection to Chiaki left.

But, similarly to the prototype, it's still ultimately insufficient. Granted, it's much more effective than the prototype, but it isn't a full mindwipe, either. We know this because when we meet Nagito Komaeda in UDG as the Servant, he's still himself. He still has some level of self-control, able to speak and act as an individual even when following the orders of Monaca or the other WoH. He says himself that he despises Junko more than anyone else in the world, and follows through with Despair with the faith that it'll inspire a newer hope to conquer it. He says something similar in that moment of brainwashing as well.

"Nanami is our hope. Look what she did to her. What Despair... What a horrific sight! This is... This is the Despair we must overcome? Ah, Nanami... You understand, right? At this moment, you are becoming a stepping stone to hope!" -Nagito Komaeda, DR3

You could possibly attribute this to Nagito's luck cycle and history with tragedy just making him have a higher resistance to the brainwashing, and honestly, there's no strong way to contradict that, since Nagito and Mikan are the only ones we ever see in Despair outside of a montage, but narratively, I doubt they'd make a point to show one of the RoD hating Junko if it weren't to make the point that they had agency. Nagito was just the fan favorite, so of course it was gonna be him. You saw the fanservice in UDG.

14.1.3- Mitarai's Animation

The third and true Despair video is the inversed Monokuma Theatre, which is used to mentally hack its viewer and drive them into such a strong state of Despair that they kill themselves right then and there. This is objectively the strongest of the Despair videos, and the most effective, with the only character it doesn't immediately convince to kill themselves being the Future Foundation chairman Kazuo Tengan. This is mostly for plot reasons, but I'll address this specific exception to the rule later on and why this was the case.

The Monokuma Theatre video is mass-emailed to the Reserve Course students after they destroy the shiny new building their parents were tricked into paying for. The video hacks their minds when in an already vulnerable state, and each and every one of them jumps out of the building and kills themselves. Just as quickly as they take some control and uproot the system that hurt them so, they fall victim to the games of another who never cared for them in the first place. The purpose of the video was to create a horde of faceless victims to spurn others into action, and it worked like a charm, spiraling the world into a state of Despair. The RoD used their influence to ensure a smooth transition into this state of worldwide chaos as well, having significantly more social power and reach to spur more and more people into the fray.

The Monokuma Theatre video is also what makes the members of the Future Foundation kill themselves in the Future Arc, hacking their minds and then dropping a knife with which to stab themselves with. It works on every character that watches it- Chisa, Gozu, Seiko, Ruruka, and Makoto. Each of these characters are in various mental states when they watch it, yet all of them fall to it, without exception. It doesn't matter who you are or what you believe in. If there's even one thing you regret in your life, the video can and will work on you. It just does. And by that logic, it's the only real 'brainwashing' video, because it can work on anyone who watches it. The one character who seems to withstand it is the one who builds an entire killing game using said video just to force its creator to action, and doesn't even seem so much as affected by it. Really, it calls into question whether or not he was even affected by it.

14.1.4- The Flashback Light (Bonus Brainwashing!)

The Flashback Lights are used solely in V3, and are invented by the mysterious Team DR to reprogram the memories of their victims to play along in their scripted killing game. We see this work on both Kaede and Shuichi, as well as see the aftereffects it has on the rest of the class.

We learn while investigating that Tsumugi is the one responsible for creating the Flashback Lights, and that she's been the mastermind who knew what was happening the entire time. However, this initially opens up a plot hole in that Tsumugi has also been shown the Flashback Lights multiple times. There are 3 viable explanations for this. The first one is that she just closed her eyes, which is extremely boring and kind of a copout. The second is that she didn't know she was the mastermind until near the end, and Kaede's murder plot failing was a ruse by Team DR for the story, but that makes that entire reveal lose a lot of its impact. The third explanation, therefore, makes the most logical and narrative sense, and actually doubles as a reason why Tengan would be the only one to withstand the Monokuma Theatre in DR3: Tsumugi wears glasses.

Yeah, I know, that sounds silly, but let's actually break it down. In NDRV3, two characters are shown to wear glasses, and only two- Tsumugi Shirogane, and Gonta Gokuhara. Gonta, however, has two unique traits that are relevant here. One, he has 20/0.625 vision(strong enough to see the near microscopic Monokuma cameras), and two, he wants nothing more than to appear as a gentleman. I don't think it's a stretch to say he's wearing empty frames to appear more gentlemanly, especially considering they're paired with a full suit.

Tsumugi is the mastermind, and the one who has the most insight into what's happening in the game. She's the one who knew the difference between her actual self and the character Tsumugi that she played(it's implied in the dating sim that Tsumugi isn't her real name), despite having seen the Flashback Lights with the class several times. So isn't it entirely possible that having glasses to reflect the light of those Flashbacks was what let her pass for being affected as well? And, if that's the case, then it would also explain why Tengan, who wears glasses, would be resistant to the effects of the animated video, as everyone else who we know watched the animated version before their death didn't wear glasses. The faceless Reserve Course students don't have glasses, and neither do any of the five characters in Future Arc to watch it. It's completely ridiculous, and simultaneously totally plausible, for the idea of glasses reflecting off light and lessening the effects of such a video to be the explanation for why the videos or lights exclusively didn't work on these masterminds.

8.7- Ryota Mitarai

Junko's connection to Ryota is objectively the weakest part of her story, and admittedly a major part of why the brainwashing of class-77 falls under such scrutiny. Whereas every other part of Junko's plan is pretty well-established within her characterization, the connections she makes having actual sense to their conception and development, and just general consistency within the narrative, her meeting Ryota is not only a stroke of random luck on her part, but emphasized as one, and this just does not make sense for a character within said narrative to have never once been characterized as having any level of luck or fortune prior. This is especially glaring in a world that has established luck mechanics via characters like Makoto, Nagito, and Celeste. Junko just isn't a character meant to have luck like this, and never has any sort of moments or accomplishments stemming from luck before or after this outright.

When Junko and Ryota meet, it's because they walk past each other going in and out of the infirmary, and Junko, for no visible reason, decides to start talking to him right then and there. She starts squealing and hugging him, jumping up and down, and says this upon Mukuro's asking why: "I don't know, but... this is what I'm telling myself: This is yet another... fateful encounter!"

There's no rationale to this. There just isn't. It's not her SHSL Analyst talent having picked up on him over time, or her recognizing him via someone else, or anything of the sort. It's totally unjustified random chance for the convenience of the plot, and that's what makes this introduction so weak.

Really, the issue of Ryota's involvement falls more in their introduction than his actual function in the anime. Considering his characterization and the connections Ryota had prior to this, it would've made infinitely more sense if Junko had met Mikan first while in the infirmary, and buttered her up enough for Mikan to introduce the two of them. Knowing Mikan, it wouldn't have taken much, and would've made more sense for Ryota to be so willing to share a part of his life's work while still incomplete if he was introduced to Junko by someone he already trusted. Regardless, that's not what happened, but I say this mostly because I want to affirm that with Junko and Ryota's connection, it's the introduction that doesn't make sense, not what follows.

That said, once the awkwardness of how they meet is out of the way, what follows is fairly reasonable. She asks about his talent, purposefully mocks his interests to trick him into showing off, and then takes advantage of what she learns about him, which just so happens to be brainwashing techniques that she'd already be somewhat familiar with thanks to Yasuke.

Once they're acquainted, Junko uses her knowledge of the school and what she's stolen from the kidnapped trustees to set up Ryota underground where she can keep him under control, and so he can't mistakenly squeal about what she's setting up. She uses his passion against him to bastardize it into what she needs and manipulates him into walking into his own cell by doing so. It's not her most genius move of all time, and it's not a difficult one to understand either, but it's one that works.

What matters most to understand, though, is that she doesn't seem to develop any sort of affection for him in the way that she did for Mikan. When he finally uncovers what she's doing, Junko gives him a simple sales pitch, and threatens him indirectly with Mikan's friends.

By now, she knows damn well that he's met a grand total of two of his classmates, one of which just tried to sexually assault him mere moments prior, so this doesn't seem like the most effective tactic she could've used. But Ryota is a sensitive person. A victim of bullying growing up, the whole point of his brainwashing animations was to make people more empathetic subliminally. So to force him to help her, Junko is able to target this empathy by targeting Mikan over Ryota himself. Her abuse of Mikan is painful for Ryota to look at, and he wrongfully puts all the blame for the way Mikan acts solely on Junko because he doesn't know any better. And Junko lets him, because it's convenient for her to manipulate.

"As you have inferred, the mutual killing video you watched is the reason Tsumiki ended up this way. However, in order to reach my objective, this is insufficient. My lack of brainwashing ability is the cause." -Junko Enoshima, DR3

As we know, Junko is an unreliable narrator. She can and has lied to people's faces for the sake of manipulating them, telling half-truths and intentionally warping the truth to shift her victims' perspective in a way that she wants. We never see Mikan's fall, only cutting from her first meeting Junko to her already being in love with her, and as we've established, not only was Mikan already pretty fucked up prior to meeting Junko, but she doesn't exhibit the symptoms of a complete brainwashing at this point. She still has her mental faculties about her. So logically, that means she's doing the same here. Yes, Mikan watched the prototype video, and yes, it was insufficient. Hence why we as an audience can understand with our meta-context that Mikan still has her mental faculties intact. Ryota, on the other hand, doesn't have that benefit, so when Junko says this, the implication is that Junko took the meek, shy, kind version of Mikan that Ryota knew and twisted her into an evil, hypnotized slave of Junko's. It's an intentionally warped perception of the truth that Junko uses to her advantage, to the point where she flat-out says she can't brainwash at this point and brainwashing is still commonly attributed as the sole reason for Mikan's behavior in this scene.

Ryota cares about the few friends he does have, taking Mikan's and the SHSL Imposter's requests to take care of himself by resting and going to the infirmary even when he doesn't want to to ease their worries. So of course, when faced with the idea that he could prevent Mikan's loved ones from getting hurt, even though he doesn't know the vast majority of them, he caves regardless. It doesn't have to affect him. The people around him are important enough for this threat to work anyways. They're not his precious classmates, but they are the Imposter's; they are Mikan's. And Ryota is a very weak man. So he complies.

Later, when he escapes, she hunts him down to thank him for his help, and then allows him to run away, letting him believe that he's the reason why class 77 were the ones to be brainwashed.

"The video I had you help me with. The complete version of that. I'll have your whole class watch it now!"

The 'video' that Junko has them watch is a live recording of Chiaki's death maze. Meanwhile, the Despair video that the Reserve Course goes on to watch after the riots, and that Chisa Yukizome is subjected to, are different videos entirely, forcefully reprogramming them and removing their hope outright. Since Ryota's an animator, we can ascertain he's responsible for the one the Reserve Course watches, with an animated Monokuma. In other words, Junko does not, in fact, have his class watch the video he helped her make. She's lying to him to send him further into Despair.

"Imagine it... Because of you, all your classmates will fall into a deep, deep Despair. They'll become people who think of nothing but plunging this world into Despair, the Super High-School Level Despairs!"

It's a bold-faced lie, and one that Ryota has no knowledge with which to contradict it. Because he's a coward, and because Junko's already messed with his head so much, he runs and hides rather than face what he's done. She even leaves him with parting words of responsibility, twisting what happened with sarcasm so he'll always blame himself for her actions.

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Ryota is by no means a perfect victim, but that doesn't change the fact that he is one. He was manipulated, and when he found out he was manipulated, he was threatened, albeit indirectly. But Junko was always planning to send Hope's Peak and the world into Despair. His video made it easier for her, but he is not and never was responsible for her actions. And by making him carry the guilt of her choices, she leaves him in a state of pathetic, guilty Despair akin to a genuine 'thank you' from her.

Part 15- AI Junko

AI Junko(or Kaijunko, as I like to refer to her as) appears as the reincarnation of Junko, created by Chihiro's AI technology and forming a Despair virus to infect the Neo World Program. She doesn't allow the Hope Restoration Program to follow through, instead taking Usami's teacher role and manipulating the world to be a Despair Restoration Program. The motives she uses are extremely personal and targeted, hyperfocusing in on specific members of the class each time to ensure a murder happens the way she needs it to.

Something that's important to remember, though, is that Kaijunko IS NOT Junko. She's an artificial recreation of the real Junko intended to continue programming Despair into the world after she'd inevitably passed. And as such, she isn't a 1:1 replica, and there are key differences between the two in the same way Alter Ego is different from Chihiro and Observer Chiaki is different from the human Chiaki.

The reason Junko fell into SHSL Despair was because her intellect combined with human need for stimuli left her with such a deep depression and boredom that pain and suffering were the only ways to make her feel alive. But as an AI program, Kaijunko isn't burdened by that same need. She's programmed to have the same goal of spreading Despair, but she doesn't have a personal, insatiable need for Despair in the way that Junko did. And this leads her to have a different endgoal for the final trial than what the real Junko might have chosen.

Kaijunko observes and learns from Izuru Kamukura and the RoD, as well as the Towa City residents, in the same way Alter Ego learned from class 78. The brainwashing video forcefully reprogrammed them, yes, but ultimately, they still loved each other as friends and classmates, even if Chiaki wasn't there with them, and it's that dedication to each other that Kaijunko learns about. It's why those connections are the ones tested within the SDR2 killing game; Kaijunko, who actually came into contact with the RoD personally and was toted around by Kamukura, would know what to use to create a killing game that would leave the most desperate group of survivors at the end to follow through on Junko's plans to reconstruct them all into her.

However, because Kaijunko isn't constricted to the same need to destroy herself, she can afford to bend the plan around impulsively in the way Junko herself had in the past, but in a way that'd align with the original Junko's goals to harm others around her without needing to harm herself anymore. Thus, in the final trial, she doesn't push those desperate survivors to want to escape. Instead, she uses her knowledge gathered to make them want to stay in the world Makoto provided to them, where none of them have to face the consequences of the RoD's actions, Kaijunko included.

One of the ongoing themes across the board for SDR2 is how artificial everything about it is. The island is artificial. Chiaki is artificial. Hajime is an artificial hope. The RoD are artificial Despairs. Similarly, Kaijunko is an artificial Junko. She goes through those same motions as the original Junko, but she is not, cannot be Junko. She can only mimic, never be, and so she tries to escape altogether by resetting the game to a state where the RoD live an escapist dream, and she's locked in the game with 'her' classmates forever. But despite this, because she's mimicked Despair, she's become part of it, and Hajime and the others do the one thing Junko can't ever succeed in doing: they choose themselves, and she disappears without a chance of hope, just like Ryoko before her. Hajime and class 77 forge a new future, and Kaijunko dies trapped in the shadows of the past.

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8.6.1- Hajime Hinata

If the battle between Makoto and Junko in THH is a battle of ideologies- hope and Despair- then the battle between Hajime and Junko is a battle of wills. This is the battle between self-love and self-hatred, and both Hajime and Junko are faced with their opposite, only to reject it in favor of what they want for themselves most.

Hajime's main character arc is one of self-discovery. When we meet him, he's been stripped of everything that's made him himself, having a gap in his memory that has his identity within it. This is a direct parallel to Ryoko Otonashi's lack of memory, having no identity or memories of the past with which to identify herself. She has only the words others tell her. But in the case of Hajime, it's revealed that the supposed gap is virtually nonexistent. He has no special talent or ability that differentiates him from the rest. He's a blank slate- empty, one might say. And this is quite similar to Ryoko. In a similar way, Izuru and Junko are both burdened by the weight of their talents. In the case of Izuru, he was operated on to remove all emotions and thoughts to be a symbol for Hope's Peak, while Junko's Analyst talent left her burdened with the inability to enjoy anything.

There are also similarities to Izuru and Ryoko, having both had their minds operated on to remove all memories of their true identity and become someone new, while Hajime and Junko both feel a heavy burden of who they are and feel as if that makes it impossible for them to enjoy their lives as they are. This parallel is exactly why Hajime's choice to live, and choosing to live in the face of retreating into the NWP, is so impactful, especially when faced with the shadow of Junko Enoshima.

Junko never chose herself. She never could choose herself, and when given the opportunity to, she rejected it entirely, too addicted to the cycle of self-destruction she'd created for herself. She felt as though Despair was the only answer for her, so she could never stop searching for it, even from beyond the grave. That not just she should feel it, but everyone should. Everyone needed to know the way she felt. And she used anything and anyone at her disposal to make sure the world burned, because she wanted to feel, and what was the point of such a world pretending not to feel Despair anyways?

Hajime chose himself. It wasn't for anyone but himself. When looking in the face of what he'd turned himself into for hope, he was able to come to the conclusion inverse to what Junko did- that he didn't need to change for the sake of anyone else. It didn't matter that he wasn't SHSL like the people he admired, so long as he lived for himself. Meanwhile, when Junko reverted back to herself, it was like dragging herself back into a cage, being burdened by the same kind of talent that Hajime never needed. A talent she never asked for was the source of her undoing, while Hajime's lack thereof almost killed him in the pursuit of one.

The dichotomy of the talented vs the talentless is one that can be felt extremely strongly between dr0, sdr2, and dr3, but especially when in regards to the divide between these two characters, as it again circles back to the damage the hierarchy they find themselves in creates. Junko is a heralded SHSL Analyst and Gyaru, dubbed by Japan as superior and handed the influence that makes it so much easier for her to poke holes in the system until it collapses. Even when all the evidence is placed on her, she's the SHSL Analyst, and can convince HPA to keep quiet for her. They cover up her crimes, and when they can't anymore, she's part of the 'chosen' that receive protection from the government while the Reserve Course and their families are never mentioned again. Hajime has nothing, is considered nothing, is even beaten and told to 'take to the leash and collar already' to keep him complacent. His choice to become Kamukura is weighted by the pressures of the system he's trapped within, holding him not only to his desire to be considered important, but to be equal, not to mention the debt he's placed in just for the right to participate in said hierarchy. Those treated like nothing are downtrodden to accept the system and uphold it, and those with power can do whatever they want and the system will protect them.

In a lot of ways, Hajime and Junko are more similar to each other than any other two characters in the franchise, all the way down to the sacrifice of the ones they closest around them sending them on their final path- Junko with Mukuro, and Hajime with Nagito. And in mirroring this, Nagito eventually returns, while Mukuro never can.

Mukuro and Junko are twins, and work to attain the same goal, but they're still very different people. Junko is absolutely fucked up, and Mukuro follows her out of a twisted need to be by her side, even when it leads to her eventual death. Hajime and Nagito are repeatedly called out as similar, both needing the other to get through the trials and survive and being forced to come to an understanding, but still retaining their individuality and separate beliefs. When Mukuro dies, it's directly because of her loyalty to Junko, even at the cost of herself, and Junko's betraying her resulted in both their deaths. Nagito died because of his loyalty to hope, even at the cost of himself, and Hajime's trust in him was what allowed him to survive and eventually bring Nagito back. Where Mukuro was metaphorically absorbed into Junko and forgotten, Nagito's individuality was what became critical to Hajime.

15.1- Shirokuma & Kurokuma

This part will remain brief. Shirokuma and Kurokuma are the AIs found in an all-white and all-black bear in UDG, each positioned on one side of the Towa City genocide and perpetuating the war by manipulating the Towa siblings.

Shirokuma is the 'good' one, and is positioned with the adult survivors. He's the one responsible for creating the underground safe house, and is Haiji's right-hand. Even when making it appear as though he wants peace first and foremost, he goes on to pilot Big Bang Monokuma and stands with Haiji, playing him and Komaru to escalate things.

Kurokuma is the 'bad' one, and is the one who gave Monaca the plan to create a Successor in the first place. He's a chatterbox that's an advisor to the WoH, presumably left behind by Junko or created by Monaca, and pushes the kids into their murder games by standing with Monaca.

Near the end of the game, Kurokuma reveals that Shirokuma is his little brother, and later in the epilogue, we learn that they were actually not distinct AIs, but rather, the same AI Junko as in SDR2 that was working both sides to destroy Towa City. Them taking the form of siblings mirrors that Junko herself was a twin, and isn't truly complete if she doesn't have her sibling still present.

Part 16- Big Sis Junko (UDG)

Following SDR2, UDG returned a master-manipulator Junko to the scene via the Warriors of Hope. Though AI Junko is present and perpetuating the war through her manipulation of the Towas, Junko herself is all but gone, survived only through the kids' memory of her, and what they have to say is extremely telling to the capability Junko really had to push people further towards her Despair.

Her role as 'Big Sis Junko' came when she prevented them from killing themselves, though how she knew to be there at the right time is unknown. We can assume she'd been keeping eyes on Monaca already and, through her Analyst talent, figured out when the right time to be to show up.

From there, they became the Warriors of Hope, not missed by their parents that hated them or worried for by the world, and Junko was free to mold them however she liked. She did this by teaching them to lash out at the people responsible for their suffering- not just their parents and abusers, but any and all adults. She was a teenage girl who'd taken pity on them, as far as most of them saw, and so they trusted her as the first and only person besides each other to show them kindness. They became ideological, lumping all adults within the same box of 'demon' because they were given no other comparison, and they did it for Junko.

"As far as I remember, the first adult we defeated was a random person we didn't even know. .... From there, we leveled ourselves up by killing Demons. Big Sis Junko was so pleased..." -Nagisa Shingetsu, UDG chapter 4

They came to rely on her as their one true savior, and even those of them who knew they were being manipulated didn't care, if only it meant they weren't the ones being beaten anymore.

"At least, at the time I thought it was a miracle. But later I learned it was inevitable. She came into my life just to take advantage of me." -Monaca Towa, UDG chapter 5

"'You guys... were completely deceived by Junko Enoshima.' 'And what's wrong with that? Did I not tell you that we are her possessions? We would rather her take advantage of us than horrible adults.' 'Sounds like it's too late.' 'Say what you like. Big Sis Junko... gave us hope. That's the truth.'" -Toko Fukawa & Nagisa Shingetsu, UDG chapter 4

And when she died, she was martyred, a victim of the cowards who'd believe in the adults and Hope's Peak. By dying, she completed her manipulation of them, ensuring in her absence, they would only remember the kindness she offered them. Anyone who said otherwise must be a demon.

"No matter how much you hate us, no matter how much we're shunned, we're definitely not wrong. That's the real truth, because Big Sis Junko said so. .... Those adults who took her away from us and said that she was the bad one! They're the filthy ones; they're the ugly ones, the disgusting ones!!!" -Jataro Kemuri, UDG chapter 2

This manipulation and creation of the WoH stemmed from a practical source, as we learn in the game. By Monaca's own admission, Junko only ever cared about getting access to Towa City tech for her Monokumas and for spreading Despair wide-scale. Having highly talented and abused kids to carry out her will when she was gone was just a very welcome bonus; having the youth primed to continue spreading Despair when she was gone would create a legacy, and her ghost would continue to haunt those with hope for at least another generation. Enter Monaca Towa.

8.8- Monaca Towa & the WoH (CW: Mentions of Incest & Pedophilia)

Monaca is differentiated from the rest of the Warriors of Hope almost immediately as being more aware of what the fuck is going on than her friends. She's the L'il Ultimate/SESL Homeroom that loves hearing everyone else talk about their thoughts and feelings, she's the one who invented the Captives game, and she has swastikas in her eyes, because Nazi symbolism was the only way we could convey she's a dictator I guess. As the game goes on, we see that her relationship with Junko is different from the rest of the class- a bit more substantial. She has much more knowledge of Junko's desire for Despair and knows the real reason Junko sought them out in the first place. She uses her friends' idolization of her to trick them into helping her make a new generation Junko to carry her memory. She also has a hidden bedroom full of photos of Junko, and one in particular stands out among the rest.

Junko and Monaca, all by themselves, posing for a photo. None of the other WoH are present for this photo. It's also worth noting that Monaca's in her WoH outfit, even though in every other flashback or cutaway to the past before Junko's death, they were all in their Hope's Peak Elementary uniforms. If it weren't already obvious, these two were spending more time together than with the rest of the WoH. This is primarily because of the explanation we've already been given- Junko needed tech, Monaca was the one that had it. Of course extra work was gonna be put into her, and if she felt special in comparison, she'd become more like Junko.

Both Monaca and Junko are a younger sister, and their older siblings are established as pretty creepy in their own ways. Mukuro is incestuous and lusts after Junko whenever they're together, or even just when thinking about her. Haiji, meanwhile, is a pedophile, mentioning he likes girls younger, "as young as I can get 'em." I don't have to explain why the knowledge he has an extremely younger half-sister he expressly doesn't think counts as family is a bloodcurdling realization given this information. While they seem to have very different levels of connection with their siblings, this is a pretty distinct commonality to give both masterminds, especially when one is meant to immediately succeed the other. Both girls are also considered the "genius" of their families, while their older siblings use more brute strength.

Monaca is a character built upon the mimicry of Junko. We know this because we pay attention to the game, but also because if we look at the concept art and beta forms of the Successor, we can see without question that creating a "New Junko" was always going to be a major part of UDG, as not one, but two unused Successor characters were considered before Monaca eventually became who she is today as the mastermind and true Successor.

Monaca throughout UDG undergoes a similar behavior to Junko in the way that she treats the WoH, but it's in a way the fundamentally misunderstands why Junko acts the way she does. Monaca is a child, and idolizes Junko, but that doesn't mean she actually understands her, even if she got much closer than her friends.

Monaca manipulates and discards the other WoH one by one, making herself the center of their movement and letting them believe they have control over what they're doing. She motivates them with a Paradise that'll never exist, similar to how Junko motivated the reserve course to stand up against Hope's Peak, and they take over Towa City. Whenever a WoH disappears, she decides whether or not they're mourned, but it appears as though she doesn't care and never did. She quickly forgets Masaru's name, barely bothers with Jataro, and later in her backstory monologue, proudly claims that when Junko met them, she was planning to let her only friends all kill themselves as a prank and not jump herself. She takes all the steps possible to Not Care about these people, similar to how Junko seemed not to care about the people she loved.

If Monaca spent enough time around Junko to observe and pick up this pattern, it likely means she also saw how little Junko actually cared for herself and her friends. This would explain why she starts acting as though she doesn't care at all for her only friends in the world and discarding them, wanting to emulate Junko, her idol. It also means she knew Junko didn't care about her, but her talents, and just didn't care because it was Junko. Again, this is a mentality not just held by her within the WoH, but because she was given a peek behind the curtain, she filled in the blanks in her head and let herself continue to be manipulated by Kurokuma, all in the hopes that Junko could return and manipulate her again. She needed a Successor, someone to fill that sisterly void again. And in that desperate desire, she inadvertently set herself up to someday become the SESL Despair.

Nagito's intervention is directly stated as the reason why she ends up abandoning this role as SESL Despair and fucking off to space as SESL Apathy instead, shrugging it off as 'not wanting to end up like he did'. This appears to be a deviation from what was originally intended for her, as not only was this wrapped up in a singular episode of an anime not actually about her, but the teaser images for a UDG 2 in UDG's credits ultimately ended up unused, and V3 totes a teaser of a canceled UDG 2.

Part 17- Junko's Apocalyptic Crash Course

"Right now, Hope’s Peak Academy is set up in a pyramid sort of idea that a third world country would use; it’s only really there to concentrate it’s effort on the 'super high school levels', for their benefit, and then below them are the reserve students from the preparatory school. .... The teachers here don’t really think any of the reserve students really belong here." -Yasuke Matsuda, DR 0

As we've seen repeatedly throughout the previous games and DR 0, Junko's strengths don't come from sheer force of will. She didn't take some perfect world of hope and twist it into a world of Despair by flipping some ideological switch. She's charismatic, but still human. Junko's strength comes from her ability to analyze, her high intelligence, and her charisma combining to create a master manipulator. Using the skills and people at her disposal, she was able to amass a cult following, and inspire the downfall of a society that was already flawed by attacking the weak points that were already present. Ergo, Junko's SHSL Analyst talent led her to not only infiltrate the school, but also to find the flaws within it and the lies it covered up by taking advantage of the Kamukura project wearing the school thin.

She may have been the face of the Despair movement, but she wasn't a singularity. She had a small group of people she trusted with a certain amount of information, and who had skills that would become beneficial to her. Mukuro is the obvious right-hand, as previously discussed, and perhaps the only one she legitimately believed to be an equal, but there was also Yasuke, Izuru, Ryota, Mikan, and Monaca, all of whom she attached herself too and all of whom had an extremely useful talent or title that was immediately beneficial to her cause. These people were able to directly carry out her desired acts of Despair and work alongside her, reporting back to her to ensure things were running smoothly. These were people who were needed directly as they were, and who were most useful when they believed she genuinely took interest in them, whether she actually had or not.

In a world already so flawed, with thinly veiled atrocities already taking place by people who believe in a caste system of talent, earning a downtrodden majority's trust is as simple as taking the blindfold off. Manipulating the people she'd attached herself to let her reveal key information at her leisure and drive the school and its inhabitants to Despair without them noticing or knowing to take action until it was too late to stop it. Something manmade, that turned into a disease and spread across the world, infesting it with the Tragedy and burning the oh-so-predictable world to the ground, all while standing as the eye of the storm- that was the power of the SHSL Despair that Junko worshipped, and she became its spokesperson, sending the world into a spiral.

Part 18- Junko's Legacy (Death of the Human, Birth of the God)

Everyone that loves Junko, misunderstands Junko. This is a fact that we see more than once. Mukuro obsesses, not loves. Yasuke romanticizes a childhood he can never return to. Monaca idolizes her. Mikan overtly sexualizes her. Her classmates know nothing of her self-destructive nature. Junko knew this and Despaired every time. But this fundamental misunderstanding of who Junko is didn't just exist in the game. In real life, Junko Enoshima became an iconic villain, the teenage girl that burned the world, the Ultimate Despair. She was insanely popular, and still is. And the more popular a character gets, the more susceptible they become to misinterpretations, fanon, oversimplification, etc.

In becoming such a well-known figure, Junko Enoshima the person got lost in translation. There was now Junko Enoshima, the mascot, the figurehead. This isn't a phenomenon exclusive to Junko, of course, but as the titular villain of the series until this point, how could the series continue without her? To this very day, people can't agree on who Junko was or who she actually cared about or if she ever even cared for anyone at all. And when NDRV3 was made, it took advantage of this to tell its own story, utilizing Junko Enoshima specifically to demonstrate flanderization of characters within its lore.

Junko Enoshima is not a real person. She's a fictional character. All her motivations, her thoughts and feelings, are fabricated stories and vague implications from the writing of real people. And in V3, that 'real person' is Tsumugi Shirogane, one of many cogs in the machine of Team Danganronpa, who dresses up as Junko and uses her face to become 'Junko Enoshima the 53rd'. Junko has been used and reused over and over and over, to the point where the original vision has been muddied beyond belief. What she was at the beginning, way back in THH, no longer exists. She's now a silly mascot, a familiar face that fans can point at and dress as and draw fanart of, and a face that Team DR can profit off of. Tsumugi's portrayal is laughably inaccurate to the original Junko. It's a costume, nothing more, and the dialogue she gives when 'in-character' is simplistic and insignificant. All its weight comes not from the meaning, but from the reference for reference's sake.

Junko's appearance in V3, like many other moving parts of V3, reference real-world fandom culture. It's appealing to both the in-universe fandom and the real one, bringing back character sprites and voice actors and poking fun at its own ridiculousness because none of it is real, none of it ever was. It was because Junko was fiction that she could do everything she ever did. Her Despair has meaning, but that doesn't mean she felt the feelings we're told she did, because she never existed to feel them. And that's the thing that lets her forever remain an enigma; she is Danganronpa's villain, and to become immortalized in Despair, she deconstructed into nothing but the word Despair, a fate that is in and of itself Despairful.

8.9- Tsumugi Shirogane

Tsumugi Shirogane is the mastermind of V3, and believes wholeheartedly in Junko Enoshima as the true villain of Danganronpa. Tsumugi is built as the fandom insert of DR, being immersed in fandom culture in every conceivable way- winking at the camera, making references to other fandoms, the love and joy of making cosplay- but also the less palatable parts of major fandoms, like her purist views of cosplay, her usage of incest as both a serious plot point and as a gag, and even does blackface when cosplaying as the dark-skinned DR characters of dr1 and 2. She's also the in-universe producer of the season. Therefore, Tsumugi also represents content creators, and how even the creator themselves can lose the plot of the character in their attempts to create what they perceive to be a compelling story.

As Tsumugi is explaining her story and why she tied it back into the Hope's Peak era, she pretty openly admits that a) she sees it as a perfect reproduction and b) a necessary writing choice in order to make it interesting. Both are false, as not only is V3's continuity in a separate world from the Hope's Peak era, but her presentation of Junko and the voice lines aren't displayed the same way Junko had acted in previous installations.

"'So... you're just a freak pretending to be Junko Enoshima, huh!?' 'No, a perfect reproduction! Perfect reproductions are exactly the same as the original.'" -Maki Harukawa & Tsumugi Shirogane, V3

She presents Junko as a singularity, the Ultimate Despair, and brazenly parades her face around as the immortal and ever-present true Despair. She's the 53rd Despair simply because her influence wouldn't allow her to fade away. She's become Despair-incarnate, but in making new games, Team DR has forgotten why Junko caused Despair in the first place. She didn't do it just to do it; she threw the world into Despair because it made her feel human to feel Despair. And yet when Tsumugi explains Junko the 53rd's plans, it's nothing but a big show, and that's exactly what a surface-level Junko looks like to the masses- a high-school girl that ended the world for fun.

Junko's games had meaning. Even when she didn't feel particularly connected to a person, like the RoD, she still brought them into Despair for a purpose. She was an analyst, and did the things she did with intention and with care. Attention to detail and careful manipulation with the face of a charismatic gyaru was her forte. But Tsumugi's so-called "perfect reproduction" is a story full of plot holes and contradictions, all caused by some need to deify Junko. In other words, as they refused to let Danganronpa go, they lost the plot, and Junko's humanity went with it in a desire to continue using her image when writing new stories. In becoming a god of Despair, her origins as a human were forgotten.

Part 19- Despair Into Tomorrow (Why We Care)

Junko Enoshima is an enigma. She is Despair incarnate, a pillar of the Danganronpa world created by her own hands, hellbent on burning herself to the ground. She's a character of poetic irony, unknown to all as anything but Despair. She was born with a perfect mind, and in trying to feel human, feel pain, feel Despair, she became permanently deified by all that she loved and all that she met, whether that was as a savior who killed a cruel world or a demon that detested hope.

At every turn, Junko's actiona are filled with malice, and yet so often that malice is directed at herself. Living in a peaceful world pains her because it leaves her bored. Anhedonia is a cruel mistress, and those who claimed to love her could never once comprehend it, because they couldn't feel the way she felt. The only thing she had that connected her in any human way to others or to herself was grief, and her entire story becomes one of self-sabotage. Despite that, though, she's not the only character burdened by anhedonia, and her self-destructive nature outstretching to the people and world around her is designed as a story of caution.

In each and every installation of Danganronpa, Junko and the other masterminds inspired by her fail because of their key difference in connections. When Makoto appeals to his classmates, they're reminded of their own desires to live and their love for each other- Hina's memory of Sakura, Syo's love of Byakuya, Kyoko's and Byakuya's love of Makoto himself. The same can be said of when Hajime chooses himself, to fight for himself, and is inspired to do so by Chiaki. Every other survivor has someone that inspired them to live for themself- Peko, Nakomaru, Gundham, the people around them. When Komaru is saved by Toko, it's because she took the time to connect with her and with Syo, and that love saved her from destruction. When Munakata gave up hunting Makoto, it was because of his love for Chisa. And when Shuichi declared he wouldn't vote, it was so that Maki and Keebo wouldn't be forced into sacrifice of a system that would hurt them over and over again.

Junko had connections. Junko had people she loved. Junko had another half. But she burned them one by one, until there was nothing left but her, and then she burned that too. She's a villain even to herself, and she knows it. She feels Despair upon Despair and even then can't regret it, because she wouldn't let anything else touch her heart besides it. It's an inherently self-fulfilling prophecy to only feel Despair, because in order for that Despair to exist, she must have felt love first. But she doesn't acknowledge her love and her vulnerabilities because she believes those fall under her 'factory settings'. Comfort is boring; safety is boring, and boredom was her enemy, an enemy second only to herself.

Junko's actions stem from a deeply embedded self-hatred. She was too smart and too comfortable, and so her boredom became everything she was. She believed the lie she told herself, that pain and grief and Despair was the only answer. Don't be like Junko. Don't believe the lies you tell yourself. Even in an unjust world, you can try to make things better without making them worse. Feel your Despair and let it go. It is okay to let it go. You are still human, no matter what image the people around you have, and to be seen, you must first be vulnerable.

Afterword

JESUS FUCKING CHRIST IT'S BEEN OVER 5 MONTHS. I made jokes and gags about 'getting this out before 2025' but I didn't think that would actually end up as my deadline. Holy fuck.

Junko's analysis is by far the beefiest I've done so far, and very well could remain the biggest one in this entire series of analyses (I think Kyoko, Makoto, and mayyybe Chiaki or Hajime might get close, but otherwise? Those are def gonna be the big 5 though) But hey, that's what being the mastermind of the franchise gets you. In retrospect, Junko probably should've been the grand finale, not part 5/17 of this series' part 1, but whatever. I'll save that grand finale for Kyoko instead

This will probably be the most controversial analysis I put out, alongside the eventual Mukuro one. I know people are, uh, divided on their relationship, but I did my best to stay objective and look at it from an unbiased viewpoint for what they offer narratively and its effectiveness. And I hope people are able to see that. Just in case, though, I'm gonna have anons off for a bit until whatever circulation this post gets dies down lol

Honestly, my perception of Junko has changed so much over the course of these past several months. It's not like I didn't like her before, but she's morphed into one of my favorite villains in all of media after this. This girl just cannot fucking die, no matter how much she wants to, and I think there's something so deeply compelling about a villain that wants nothing more than to self-destruct and burn the world with them, especially if you've fallen into a depressive state like the one she's in before

Good news, though! The next analysis set is Hifumi's, which means it won't take nearly as long as this whopper of a tumblr post! I'm actually very eager to deconstruct him, so hopefully we can go back to the summer days where I was able to crank out an analysis after 2 weeks. Please, god, can we go back to the summer days where I cranked out an analysis after 2 weeks

Catch ya later! :P

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vxnuslogy · 6 months ago

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— to you, who finally saw the sun.

pairing: sunday x gn!reader

premise: to you, who finally saw the sun, i bid you one final farewell.

— warnings: angst (kinda, i also dont know), bittersweet goodbyes, they do kiss yippie, written before the 2.7 update.

— author’s notes: in honor of getting e1s1 sunday, have this actual final stellaronhunter!sunday fic. art credits to 隐世樱yyy on weibo. also, fun little easter egg, colored texts are a reference to previous stellaronhunter!sunday fics i've made, so yeah!! maximum emotional damage!!!!!| ~2.8k words.

— tags: @ryescapades @mitsvriii @https-sourlimes @dazaisms @st6rly @pneumosia @tetrachrxmacy ; if you'd like to be tagged, please fill out the forms on my pinned or post or send me an ask off anon!!

how long has it been since sunday played the piano?

he can’t quite remember the last time he pressed a finger to the delicate white notes and let its noise resound in the room. but he does recount the harsh judgemental stare his instructor had whenever he made a mistake—a note lingering too long and going off course, it always led to the snap of a ruler to his wrist.

“do you play?” a voice from behind asked.

sunday turned around to capture the stars in your eyes. when he met your gaze halfway, a gentle smile grazed his lips before his golden eyes skidded to the instrument once more. “yes, i do. though i have not played in years.”

he heard the click of your shoes as you approached. sunday took a peek from the corner of his eyes as you longingly stared at the grand piano in front of you both. your gloved hands gliding over the polished wood before you eventually sat down by the small stool. you turn your head to him, hair fluttering with the wind as he feels the remaining breath in his lungs be taken away because of your smile. you patted down the space beside you and sunday reluctantly took it.

“will you play me a song?” your request was nothing but a small plea, one exhale away from crumbling. sunday didn’t know about that—he never will. you mask the desperation in your voice when the first note rang and sunday looked at you with a smile.

“i apologize if it sounds rusty,” he looked bashful and bare in this light. drapes of white clouds, dark blue galaxies, and golden suns hang from his body and you couldn’t help but stare. the wings behind his ears flutter in embarrassment with your silence so you laugh—forced, melancholic, and unlike you.

“i’ll love anything you play, sunday.” and you weren’t lying.

when the following notes soon echoed in the empty music room that was once reserved for only kafka, you let your desire to be close to him consume your entire being. sunday flinched slightly when your head fell on his shoulder, but didn’t shrug you off. with a flustered clear of his throat he continued.

sunday played the piano like it would be his last performance—forever caging himself to the audience after this performance to never take the stage again. he felt your emotions like they were tangible items courtesy to the halo behind his head, because the following song, he briefly muttered “for you” under his breath.

you both relished the moment spent by each other’s side.

to sunday, this song was dedicated to the person who dragged him onto the stage once more. despite all his reluctance, difficult attitude, and past grudges, he will always bathe you in a golden light like the followers of xipe. singing choirs about your greatness till the end of time as he remained as your faithful follower. this was his thank you to you, and he felt it would never quite repay the kindness you’ve given him.

but to you, this was goodbye. each note, though filled with tender affection and cherished dreams, pinched at your heart like tiny pins and needles. you looked up to gaze at his face—calm, moved on from the past, and freed. though not fully, his contract with jade still remains, he was as free as the express travelling the cosmos.

this was goodbye.

“will you play a song for me too, sunny?” a voice from the entrance joked.

there stood kafka, in her usual attire but without the coat, leaning by the door frame with arms crossed over her chest. you chuckled as sunday hid his embarrassed and flushed face, finding an excuse to say “no.” because everyone knew—order or finality—that sunday will only play for you.

“nothing to worry about angel,” kafka seemed solemn as she cleared her throat. she motioned for both of you to get up and follow her. “new mission is here. be sure to do your best, m’kay?”

sunday furrowed his brows as his wings twitched in confusion. kafka only took a few steps forward before leaving you two alone once more. you shook your head as you took his gloved hand in yours and tugged him in the direction of his new home. even though it's been a while since he joined, sunday still never voiced his worries—a habit you hope will slowly die out once he arrives at the boarding station.

“where are we going this time?” he asked. now he only realized your new attire and he feels his eyes wander. a black undershirt and pants, layered with a white asymmetrical coat. the gold cuffs of your sleeves caught the moonlight and casted a faint glow of your tears. sunday doesn’t get the chance to say something when a body crashed onto his back.

“good luck, mister,” silver wolf buried her face onto his back. arms tightly wrapped around his waist. if you looked closely, you would notice the way she slowly started stepping back—trying to prevent sunday from going out the doors he once entered from.

but sunday only chuckled. he turned to face the girl, patted her head and squatted down to her height as he slowly tried to pry the arms hiding her tear stained face. “it’s going to be alright, i have [name] with me, remember? they’re elio’s favorite, remember?”

the girl gripped the sleeves of his coat with an iron grip. sunday frowned in sadness, he hated seeing the girl so upset over a mission. and all you did was stand there, motionless as the clock by your waist continued to tick.

“sunday.” you call and you don’t know what shattered you the most: silver wolf’s fresh tears, or how sunday cradled and shielded her from your harsh reality.

silver wolf eventually peeled herself away. with a harsh motion, she wiped away all her tears and returned to her quirky self, “you better beat the final boss! if you don’t, then don’t bother to show yourself to me ever again!”

sunday nodded and once he reached your side, he waved the silver haired girl goodbye and fell into the same steps as you. each turn, each stairway taken to reach the skies, it drowns your lungs in realization. and like the time when you were both drenched in the rain, the ticket in your back pocket suddenly felt heavier than it should.

“leaving without as much as a word?”

you both stopped in your tracks and turned around. the hallway was dimmed, your only witness being the moon in its full glory. sunday was the first to break the delicate silence with a soft utter of ignorance, something you never realized could happen.

“a mission that requires both of us,” he replied, a sketchy smile on his lips as he slowly shielded your vision of the immortal man from view. “we won’t take long. it won’t end like it did back in the capital of passion. i promise.”

you felt blade’s judgeful stare before he let out a heavy sigh. he threw a small journal bound by beds of stars onto his hands and handed you a sheathed sword. “i expect you to be back before dawn.”

sunday nodded and you don’t have the heart to tell him that blade wasn’t speaking to nor about him.

“sunday wait!”

right when you were about to board your car—a testimony to your genius in engineering, sunday still wondered how you got it to work like the express. firefly ran out the door with nothing but her sleep attire. she clutched a small item to her chest as sunday looked at you. you hated the look of expectation in his irises, but you still relent. with a heavy sigh, you muttered, ‘5 minutes’ before you entered the car. sunday nodded like an obedient servant and met firefly halfway.

“i–!” she tried to find the words to say, but they always fell short by the time a sound escaped her lips. but sunday was understanding, he was kind, so he waited. like a dutiful older brother letting his baby sister come out of her shell.

beats of silence passed before firefly settled on a simple goodbye, “please take care on your mission.” she took his hand and handed him a small pen. his name delicately engraved on the fountain pen’s cap in her handwriting.

the wind howled and she shivered. and like a moment right before a mission started and ended, sunday took off the white hood over his shoulders and draped it over her. “thank you, firefly. i’ll be sure to put it to good use.”

sunday wished firefly told him the rest of her thoughts, but he saved them for another time he will never have. even as he buckled the seatbelt in your car and drove off, firefly tried to chase after you. and if he looked close enough, soft glimmers of hopeful tears would be seen.

“you never answered my question.”

you looked at him from the rearview mirror. the way he carefully placed the fountain pen in the journal and the way he softly grazed the cover—afraid that the small book would shatter under his fingertips.

“it must have slipped my mind. what was your question again?”

“where are we going?”

you wet your lips and tighten the hold on the steering wheel. you don’t answer immediately. instead, you let your vehicle warp through space like a nameless traveler through the stars. when you start unbuckling your seatbelt, sunday follows shortly and you both get out.

“penacony.”

sunday feels his vision blur and merge into one giant puddle. he feels you drape another hood identical to the one he gave firefly as you harshly tugged it over his head. your hand finding its way to his and tug him towards a familiar direction.

“h-hold on!” he cries out in a desperate plea, but you don’t turn around. “what business could we have in penacony?! and,” sunday’s eyes wander again over your figure and feels dread start to bubble in his stomach—you weren’t wearing a disguise like you did in past missions.

you don’t answer and sunday feels his wings hug his abdomen tighter and tighter. he can already imagine the ghostly hands of the family—even under robin’s guidance—do unspeakable things to you. sunday can’t have that, he will never allow you to be caged in their clutches like they did with him. so with all the force he could muster, all the while being mindful of your comfort, he caught your wrist in a firm hold and turned around. tugging you in the direction of your home.

“sunday.”

“apologies, but i promised blade. bare with me for a moment longer.”

“sunday.”

“[name], please.”

“sunday.”

“cease the uttering of my name! do you not understand the position we are in right now?!”

sunday never shouts—not in anger, but in worry. he takes gulfs of air into his lungs as if he’s being dragged to the bottom of the ocean as he looks at you with blown eyes. his wings flapping erratically, fanning the reddening of his face as the pair by his waist briefly flutters. if you close your eyes and listen carefully, you can hear the soft clinks of the golden exoskeleton you created just for him.

“sunday,”

“i believe this is where your journey ends, mister sunday.”

“our story is over.”

you feel the world still as small orbs of danger surround you both. a man with whiting hair stands behind him, a cane glowing in pink as you feel your body grow heavier and heavier. welt pushes his glasses up and lets his eyes fall to you.

“[name].” he says in a tense tone. the grip on his cane so tight you’d argue beneath the gloves he wore, his knuckles were turning white in confusion.

“mr. yang.” you reply back, calmer than the loud beating inside the column of bones inside your chest. “please let him go.”

the older gentleman debated in his mind. before sunday could raise a hand, you step forward and force him to face you. you feel your body go back to normal and you sigh. sunday on the other hand, remains on guard as the golden eyes you grew fond off stared at you with emotions that could only be named as betrayal.

“the express misses you, [name].” welt says, “it won’t hurt to say goodbye to them.”

you only nod bitterly. “thank you, mr. yang. but there’s really no need.”

“what do you mean our story is over?” you hear sunday murmur.

you take a shaky deep breath, of all the ways he could ask, why did he do it as if he was about to cry? you shut your eyes tightly, you let your desires consume you again as you interlace your hands together in one final hold before you relax and exhale. when you open your eyes, you feel tears drop one by one like idrila’s blood. welt stays motionless behind him, looking at you both in confliction.

“welt,” you lower both your hands, stepping in front of the angel. “i know this isn’t the reunion you had hoped for. but please believe me when i say that we come in peace. i’ve come to return what is lost.”

welt’s frown deepens, “i take it you aren’t talking about yourself.”

“no, and i never will.” you feel sunday’s arm snake around your waist and his head fall on your shoulder. and suddenly, it felt like your shopping trip with the rest of the hunters was today.

“please wait for us by the golden hour.”

“no…” sunday weakly protests. “i can’t leave, i won’t allow myself.”

“welt. please.”

“mr. yang, please don’t.”

“welt–”

“i’ll wait.” the older man says in a rushed tone. he was quick to turn around and start walking away. it was unlike him, but you don’t blame him. after all, the missing child of the express was now found and the previous head of the oak family were together—with conflicting convictions to top it.

his steps grew fainter and fainter until all you could feel was sunday’s tears and his quiet whimpers, begging you to not let him go.

“sunday,” you mutter, slowly facing him. “our story is over. you need to go.”

“what about you… will you stay behind?”

“i have to.”

“no you don’t!” his volume rises as his arms tighten around your waist. “you can come with me. they’ve been looking for you, they’ll accept you! so please, don’t make me lose you, too.”

you chuckle, and for the first time tonight, you smile genuinely. “silly bird, you’re not going to lose me.”

“but i already have…”

you frown. you try to pull away from his embrace but he still keeps you caged in his arms. “sunday, will you play me a song?”

“enough, please.”

you pat down his hair, pull away just an inch, and cradle his face. “sing me a song about adventures and stars. can you do that?”

“will you come with me if i do?”

you shake your head no and he dives his face into the crook of your neck again. you laugh in disbelief at his stubbornness. it reminds you of the time he first started to try and take flight. how long ago was that memory? you can’t quite put a number on it but it no longer matters.

“sunday,” you sing his name like a song to be remembered. reaching into your back pocket, you take out a golden ticket and gently lay it flat on sunday’s palm. when you meet his eyes again, his wings obscure half of his face. you gently push them away and rub away the tears staining his cheeks and press your foreheads together. “perform. not for me, but the world. your stage is set, all you need to do is step on it.”

his gloved hands hold yours, you feel his head turn for his lips to meet the palm of your hand as presses a soft kiss that leaves the spot tingling. “will you watch me play?”

you drag a knuckle down his nose, an action too affectionate for people who claim to be just “comrades.” suddenly it dawns on you that kafka’s teasing, firefly’s giggles, silver wolf’s eye rolling, blade’s huffs and elio’s script all align for this moment. with a careful step forward, you invade the line with the words “comrades” and look up. you feel his breath on your lips and you smile.

“for all eternity, my eyes will always be yours.” you stand on your toes and press your lips together in a final goodbye. his arms hug your waist just a tad bit tensely as sunday tries his reciprocate—but in the back of your mind, you know he doesn’t have to try. sunday loves you like it's as easy as breathing.

“sunday, congratulations. you’ve finally seen the sun.”

#sunday x reader #honkai star rail x reader #—stellaronhvnters.#honkai star rail imagines #honkai star rail headcanons #honkai star rail x you #honkai star rail sunday #hsr x reader #hsr imagines #hsr headcanons #hsr x you #hsr sunday #sunday x you #sunday imagines #sunday headcanons #( 🂡 ) – royal flush of stories .ᐟ

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oh-obrien · 7 months ago

Text

GRID ACE 0.5

GAMER READER x Lestappen SMAU

Summary: Reader is a Red Bull e-sports athlete who happens to catch the attention of two particular drivers with her streams.

All pictures are from Pinterest and reader has various face claims!!

Part five and I promised this one would be the last but I’m a slut for this pairing apparently and can keep going🤭

Look for one or two more parts!

Also look out for a Maxiel college SMAU!!

Comment to be tagged ☺️

Masterlist / Previous Part / Next Part (my links aren’t working right now I’ll be fixing it tonight 😊)

Xx.y/n.xX just posted

Las Vegas, Nevada

Liked by Yourbestfriend, Landonorris, and 45,688 others

Xx.y/n.xX , @ yourbestfriend and the grid... not sold separately.

Yourbestfriend shop the package deal today!

-> Danielricciardo it's like those American stores that sell huge amounts of things!

-> Xx.y/n.xX today on @ Danielricciardo can't google the correct terms: Big Box Stores

-> Landonorris to be fair he isn't American and he's trying

-> Xx.y/n.xX hey, @ landonorris. Five. Seconds.

-> Oscarpiastri great now he's crying in the corner

-> Danielricciardo @ landonorris crying in the club (the hotel bathroom) because he just received the most devastating news ever (y/n was a bitch) even though it was expected (y/n is a bitch every day)

-> Yourbestfriend WOAH WOAH WOAH DANNY BOY. She might me a bitch but she's my bitch.

-> Maxverstappen1 my bitch.

-> Charles_leclerc ours*

User1 MY PARENTS ARE PARENTING IN THE COMMENTS

-> User2 sometimes I forget they're actually dating and then they whip out that

-> User3 no because Max and Charles will just say our girlfriend sometimes and my brain like factory resets

-> User4 NO LIKE Y/N LITERALLY SAID MY BOYFRIENDS ON STREAM THE OTHER DAY AND I WAS KICKING MY FEET GIGGLING

-> Landonorris imagine how tired we are of it.

->User1 LANDO NO

-> Georgerussell63 imagine how tired we are.

-> User5 I’m D E A D GEORGE TOO

f1 you all better be ready to race next weekend after this one

-> Redbullracing what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas.

-> McLaren we don’t want to hear wedding bells only car engines

-> Scuderiaferrari VROOOOOOOM

-> Xx.y/n.xX they’ll all be in tip top racing shape for next weekend 🫡

-> User1 EXCUSE ME WEDDING BELLS???

User6 I’m trying to tell who on the grid is out all together.

User7 I WANT TO KNOW WHOS FINGER HAS THAT FAT ROCK ON IT IN THE SECOND PICTURE.

-> User8 THAT IS EXACTLY WHAT I WAS TRYING TO FIGIRE OUT TOO. THERES TWO THOUGH SO LIKE???

-> User7 I feel like it can’t be Y/N she always has really fun nails and they just hard launched like a few weeks ago

-> User9 my boyfriend is a RB mechanic and says this has been going on for well over a year now

-> User10 it always makes me mildly uncomfy when people speculate about this stuff

-> User7 girl sit down they’re public figures

-> User10 it can really easily just be a friend out with them and one one of the drivers SO’s though

-> User11 Y/N in her gold digger era bagging two F1 drivers

-> Xx.y/n.xX my contract from professional gaming ensures I don’t need to “bag” anyone thank you very much. Sorry you can’t find one man to love you let alone two ☕️

-> User12 OH MY GOD THAT IS INSANE

-> User13 period Queen 👑

𓈒⠀𓂃⠀⠀˖⠀𓇬⠀˖⠀⠀𓂃⠀𓈒

Landonorris just added to their story

Story Replies:

DanielRicciardo : you’re going to be in trouble for this one

Landonorris : Danny boy, Max posted it with me while Charles and y/n were on their bathroom break.

Georgerussell63 : Today on Lando breaks the internet

Landonorris : it’s my duty 🫡

Xx.y/n.xX : If I wasn’t so hungover right now I’d be mad about this.

Landonorris : your lovely fiancé told me I should post it

Xx.y/n.xX : my lovely fiancé was almost as drunk as I was and his judgement was impaired

Landonorris : no, max was actually pretty in his right mind.

Xx.y/n.xX : if he wasn’t out getting me and Char coffee right now I’d be more mad about this

Yourbestfriend : best man 🤝🏻 maid of honor 🤝🏻 being menaces to society

Landonorris : you know it sweetheart

Yourbestfriend : sweetheart?

Landonorris : did I stutter ?

Yourbestfriend : 🫣

𓈒⠀𓂃⠀⠀˖⠀𓇬⠀˖⠀⠀𓂃⠀𓈒

User1 E X C U S E M E?????? I know we all went FERAL over Lando’s post last night but WHAT??

-> User2 I just assumed it was one of his friends. I did not realize the rest of the grid was there

-> User3 I bartended for most of the event last night and I can tell you they brought out the club and if you KNEW who it was you’d go INSANE!

-> User1 GIRL YOU CANNOT JUST SAY THAT

-> User3 the couple was ALL OVER each other.

User4 REMBER Y/N’s INSTA THE OTHER DAY??? We NEED to figure out whose hand that ring was on!!!

-> User5 my vote is on Max, Charles and Y/N

-> User6 Y/N’s Val team was posting on their stories that they were in Vegas a couple days ago, why else would they be there?

-> User7 Y/N’s best friend has also been posting that she’s in Vegas.

-> User5 she’s been traveling with the grid also, I think there’s something else going on there with her and a driver as well.

F1forthegirls BREAKING : an unnamed source has confirmed that the party was for Y/N, Max and Charles. The source c confirms that Land and Yourbestfriend rented out the club, set up catering and tapped most of the grid to help decorate.

-> User8 NO FUCKING WAY THIS IS TRUE

-> User9 Until my mother confirms absolutely nothing is true!

-> User10 WHEN DID THEY GET TOGETHER THIS IS INSANE

-> User3 they were like a bunch of love drunk idiots last night it’s definitely real. Those boys WORSHIP her

-> User11 WE NEED MORE DETAILS @ user3

-> User3 nah they deserve to keep is mostly private! They haven’t even announced yet and this leaked!

𓈒⠀𓂃⠀⠀˖⠀𓇬⠀˖⠀⠀𓂃⠀𓈒

Xx.y/n.xX just posted

Las Vegas, Nevada

Xx.y/n.xX Max and Charles have the best pit crews but I have the best “I Do” crew.

User14 I AM SO SORRY BUT W H A T THE ACTUAL FUCK

-> Xx.y/n.xX ahh you can’t say fuck, penalty.

-> User14 HELLO???

Danielricciardo I made a great pick with the last decorations

-> Xx.y/n.xX 🙄

-> Landonorris I HELPED

-> Xx.y/n.xX no boys allowed ✋🏻❌

Yourbestfriend girly really goes for it with the hard launches

-> Xx.y/n.xX it’s my specialty 🤭

User15 are we just not going to ask when this happened???

-> User16 so it was totally y/n in her last post with the MASSIVE engagement ring

-> User17 it looks like a stack my bet is she got two rings actually

-> User18 each boy would’ve definitely gotten her one

-> User19 I NEED THE DETAILS!!!

-> User20 I want to know when they ACTUALLY got together being that they’re apparently ENGAGED now??

Maxverstappen1 what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas

-> Charles_leclerc no you just party too hard to remember

-> Georgerussell63 actually @ oscarpiastri and I needed to drag you and Y/N out of the club, Max was perfectly fine.

-> Maxverstappen1 exactly.

-> User21 WHY AM I THINKING ABOUT LOVE DRUNK MAX GIGGLING WHILE HE FOLLOWS THEM BACK TO THE HOTEL

-> Xx.y/n.xX @ Landonorris drop the vid!!!

Redbullgaming excuse me that’s OUR top frag we’d like to keep her!!!

-> Redbullracing actually she’s coming home with me

-> Scuderiaferrari I feel like we deserve a place in this conversation now also

Yourteammate1 THE BEST WEEKEND 🍾 🎊

-> Yourteammate2 THE BEST BRIDE TO BE

Valorantesports Whatever they’re doing I like it!

-> Xx.y/n.xX admin pulling out the Neon vocie lines 🥹🫶🏻

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Charles_leclerc just posted

Tagged @ Xx.y/n.xX, @ maxverstappen1

Comments on this post have been limited

Liked by Landonorris, yourbestfriend, and 1.23M others

Charles_leclerc Together is a wonderful place to be

Xx.y/n.xX Forever and ever and ever!!

Maxverstappen1 of course this is the picture you picked

-> Charles_leclerc it happens to be one of my favorites

-> Xx.y/n.xX they’re all my favorites

Landonorris ITS HAPPENING STAY CALM! STAY CALM!

-> Danielricciardo he is not calm

-> Oscarpiastri he’s definitely not calm

Scuderiaferrari CONGRATULATIONS TO OUR FUTURE FERRARI ROYALTY (and max too we guess)

-> Redbullracing truce?

-> Scuderiaferrari we’re still coming for that world championship

Carlossainz55 🍾🎊🥳 Congratulations!!

𓈒⠀𓂃⠀⠀˖⠀𓇬⠀˖⠀⠀𓂃⠀𓈒

Maxverstappen1 just posted

Tagged @ Xx.y/n.xX, @ charles_leclerc

Comments on this post have been limited

Liked by redbullracing , georgerussell63 and 1.83M others

Maxverstappen1 My favorite place is next to you

-> Xx.y/n.xX and Char*

-> charles_leclerc AND CHAR!

DanielRicciardo let the festivities begin!

-> Xx.y/n.xX Danny’s in his wedding planner era

-> DanielRicciardo at your service m’lady

Redbullgaming Two world champions and a soon to be world champion? UNSTOPPABLE!

-> Maxverstappen1 Hell yeah! My crew delivers!

-> Valorantesports Max Verstappen three time world champion pulling out OUR voice lines? AHHHHH

-> Xx.y/n.xX you’re not ready for Max’s Geckko main arc.

Lewishamilton Congrats, mate! Lucky to have gotten a front row seat to your story.

-> Xx.y/n.xX 🫶🏻

Tag list : @that-one-little-soybean @menagerofmischief @delululeclerc @evermoreandroyalblue @tsnelf7 @dukeofjjune

#max verstappen #max verstappen imagine #f1 fanfic #f1 imagine #formula 1 fanfic #charles leclerc imagine #formula 1 imagine #f1 smau #charles lecrelc x reader #max verstappen x reader #lestappen #reader x lestappen #lestappen imagine #lestappen x reader

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no1blacksapphirefan · 2 months ago

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I am BEGGINGGGG anything with elder faerie!!! On my hands and knees for his tag to have more stuff!! Idc if it’s angst fluff platonic romantic or DMUT JUST LET ME HAVE MY MANNNN (also he NEEDS to come home or I’m gonna crash out)

Thanks for listening

I GOTCHU ANON. I hope I didn’t write him OOC. I actually got him recently too!!

Okok so hear me out (since you didn't say any au, I hope it's okay that it's not self-aware like my previous posts <33)

Idk what to call this AU or if it'll ever be an ongoing thought. But hear me out:

You accidentally wander into one of the witches home, you just wanted to explore. You loved exploring...even if it was a deep forest that spooked others. You were cold though so when you found a house, you gently knocked on the door. Hoping for some warmth until you set off to go back home.

When no one answered and your hands feeling like they'll fall off. You desperate knocked again, the door opening ajar...did they forget to lock the door? You didn't want to think of that, despite your better judgement you entered and were immediately hit with warmth. You'll just stay for a bit, warm up before heading home. You'd just have to be quick so you're not caught...

However as you were warming up, you heard the door opening again, scared and in a panic, an accident happened. You didn't know what happened, you didn't know if you wanted to know but god now your body was on the ground and in pain. Maybe you should've let the frost bit get you...

"...Are you alright?"

Came a voice, startled, you quickly whip around and pause. Looking up your eyes meet with pale blue ones (his eyes are pale blue right? Maybe I can't see colours well) His eyes showed concern. When you didn't respond he lent out a hand to help you up.

You snap out of your thoughts and take his hand, he gently pulls you up before seemingly checking for injuries.

"...Follow me, let's check with a healer to ensure your okay, if your legs hurt you can hold onto my arm"

Man was his voice nice...and he's pretty...okay wait no, you just met him. You nod slightly, carefully hugging his arm as he leads you to a small village. There you got checked up, they asked you questions but you didn't know how to answer them.

Okay well you did but as you were at the healers you realised you turned into a cookie. Nothing fun about learning that. You lied to them, saying you didn't remember much from your past. How could you tell them??

Apparently your injuries seemed pretty bad, not the worst thing possible but it was recommended to get rest. And as Elder Faerie learnt you apparently didn't have any family or friends to help take care of you? He offered to let you stay with him until you got better.

It was weird at first, he'd check in on you in the mornings before he left for his own work, some knights coming over to make sure you were okay. The first time you two had a proper conversation, like it wasn't stopped by perhaps Elder Faeries duties, was when you saw how tired he looked one day before he left.

He's done so much for you, helped you get better and made attempts to get to know you, help you with your "memory lost" he was so kind. Even the faerie knights say so, he truly was the best person to guard the tree. But with all this care he has for others, where was the care for him? You knew it was there but...

When Elder Faerie returned home that day, he smelled the cooking of food, wandering in the kitchen he watches you set the table, as you look up and spot him, you're startled a bit.

"S-sorry! Um...I made you dinner..."

"You didn't need too"

"I wanted too"

He paused, looking at the food once more before nodding and sitting down. He thanked you. That's the day the two of you truly got to know each other, you almost forgot you were pretending to now have memories of your past as you talked about previous moments in your life.

Though it seemed like he didn't care, he was enjoying his time with you. That wouldn't be the first occurrence the two of you had where you cared for him. On some days you really urged him to take a day off, even managing to convince some of the knights to fill in. You believed he was overworking himself.

You started visiting him, bringing lunches to ensure he was eating and of course you'd bring some for the other knights. Watching you smile and laugh with other faerie knights stirred something in Elder Faerie one day. He couldn't describe it.

It struck him one day when he agreed to watch the stars with you. You happily looked at the sky and pointed out silly constellations.

"Could you think of anything more pretty than stars?"

"I believe so"

It took him awhile to realise he was staring at you when he said that, he coughed and looked away. Avoiding your own stare and small blush.

Even after so long, after you healed. After he said you're free to go back to your own life, it was evident between the two of you that the home you wanted was with him. And he too also didn't want you to go.

His home was yours now, you had molded yourself into his life and he didn't complain. He wouldn't, if anything he thanked whatever deity was out there that made this happen. Be it fate or just a coincidence that he found you? It didn't matter.

What mattered to him was your safety, he cared about you more than he ever thought he would. You cared about him, making sure he was properly caring for himself in return. And even though the two of you never said it, other knights were already talking about your loving relationship. At this point, you're already a married couple even without the official ceremony.

Until beast yeast

Okok so Im actually not to sure how this turned out, I have a love hate relationship with this piece I am so sorry if it isn't good anon </3 I hope I did Elder Faerie justice for you (Might've rambled too much on this ngl)

#cookie run kingdom #crk #crk x reader #crk x you #elder faerie x reader #elder faerie x you #elder faerie cookie x reader #elder faerie cookie x you #crk imagines

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sillylittlegirlthoughts · 8 months ago

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would you do high school harry with a girl who hes just sat next to for most of the school year (therre so clearly in love but deny it) and idk he just doenst want to go to his lesson but also doesnt want to skip on his own so he asks her and they skip AND if you alright writing it they just get high (from personal experience 😇😇) and talk and you can make them do what ever i dont care

skippers | w2s

thank you anon for this request! personally love this idea and sorry if it is shorter than anticipated but if you would like another maybe where they go back to school or you meeting harry’s parents after this then lemme know!

harry lewis x reader!

requests are always open! check a previous post to see a list of those i would love to write for

The bell rang through the school as the commotion of the class and corridors began to rise, every student heading to their next class. She too added to that as she rushed to her next class. English, was a subject that she despised, but the boy she sat next to made it not so bad.

Her and Harry got arranged seating at the beginning of the year. As a result of them both being extremely sheepish when around new people caused them not to speak for the first few weeks and only exchanging smiles of acknowledgment when passing one another in the halls. One Friday the teacher set a pair assignment for the weekend, when both her and Harry bonded over the thought of comics being better than actual novels they soon realised their common interests did not stop at that.

Their english classes were not spent practically and somehow they did even less work than they used to. With a few warning and many classmate judgements the pair found themselves inseparable.

Whether it was them both ignoring the smitten nature of their relationship or they were too busy thinking of each other to think of the reason why, Harry and Y/n had both failed to acknowledge the obvious connection they had.

It became extremely obvious to their classmates and their friends that they talked about one another too much to be ‘just friends.’

She walked and waited outside Harry’s class waiting for the dismissal. Harry came out of the room, lugging his bag on one shoulder ruffling his hair with the other hand. “You alright?” She asked, furrowing an eyebrow at the distressed boy. “Yeah, yeah. Just knackered. Don’t want to do this bullshit of a class.” He moaned as they trailed alongside eachother.

“Harry it’ll be alright. We always have a laugh in English!” She exclaimed as she tried to put a smile on his face. “I really dunno. I don’t want to go. But I don’t want to bloody skip by myself either!”

He looked around aimlessly as he contemplated what to do. “Y/n, would you come skip with me?” He asked her, his eyes filled with hope.

“I thought you’d never ask!” She joked.

After they had managed to make it off school grounds they headed towards a football pitch secluded in the back of a park nearby.

“See! This is so much better than English!” Harry uttered as he dropped his bag on the ground, running to a football in the net. He brought it out and took a kick of it. The ball was quite filthy and deflated too but Harry was having an exceptional amount of fun. The ball hit the netting at the back of the net as Harry ran around in excitement. She giggled at him, admiring how much fun he was getting out of the sad little football he had found. He ventured for the football and brought it to the spot. “Have a go.”

“What?”

“C’mon! Have a go. It’s easy just do a little run up and kick with the inside of your foot.” He lectured her, running his hand across the inside of his foot whilst doing so. “Right then.”

She giggled as she ran slightly to the ball, watching Harry shout to her with words of encouragement. She kicked the ball and it flew into the net. Harry yelled and ran to the girl, embracing her as he swung her around. “That was class, y/n!”

“Harry! I just seen you bloody do that about six times!” She stifled a laugh, admiring the boys complete giddiness.

“Yeah but from you! That brilliant from you!” He stated as he walked back to his bag, propping himself against the post and he sat down. “Oi!” She hit the boy playfully over the back of his head, and sat down facing him.

At first they contemplated how they would manage to pass the remainder of the day out in the bitter cold but it was soon resolved when Harry brought some things for them to smoke.

Their bodies were soon warmed up and their minds were flowing. As they both lay on their stomachs and talked about their mates in school they noticed how much fun they were having and dodging the thoughts of any trouble they might get in later.

Harry couldn’t stop laughing at anything the girl said, he admired her true smile and how much it enhanced her beauty. His brain was fumbled. He finally admitted to himself this afternoon to his true feelings about her and he didn’t know how to act. He had pushed it away for so long so it didn’t bother him but now that he had admitted it to himself he couldn’t help but feel so out of place. He was awkward, fidgeting with his fingers and constantly running through his hair to the point where she asked,

“Are you okay?”

He stared at the girl blankly as his eyes grew heavy and his expression started to seep into confusion.

He then did something so impulsive that it even stunned him. He leaned in and she followed suit and then he connected their lips, the kiss was slow and sweet. She was a gentle kisser and her hands trailed to his hair slowly tangling through his blonde mess. She could feel him smile through the kiss and they slowly pulled away and he rested his forehead on hers and they both just smiled in content.

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thefandomsfervent · 5 months ago

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JayVik x Reader Personal Pigments (Part 20) - Perylene Red

As of last chapter this is a jayvik x reader fic now. It is going to be a JayVik fic. Ft. Reader yearning hard core. Pet names.

Find my imagine that inspired it here. Previous and next chapter will be linked at the bottom.

As much as daily chapters were fun to do, not feasible with my current work schedule. It may move to 2-4 days between releases now. stay tuned and Thank you for reading <3

╔═*✧ ✦ ✧.·:·.*.·:·.✧ ✦ ✧.·:·.*.·:·.✧-✦-✧.·:·.*.·:·.✧ ✦ ✧.·:·.*.·:·.✧ ✦ ✧*═╗

Days turn to weeks after that morning. Spring’s gentle heat morphed into the first signs of Summer’s blaze. You had been watching the two of them closely since the wine night. Caught yourself following those gentle moments they shared together. And you knew that it was not out of pure observation anymore. It was want. Need. A feeling gnawing in your chest. To hold and to be held. To trace the same patterns that they did, the same places they did. The most you could manage was a brush of fingers when handing them things, or lingering closer than you needed to when the conversation died down. Maybe you were just lonely. You could convince yourself of that. That it was your own dry spell of intimacy and romance that made you fall asleep wanting to be cherished the way that they did each other. That it wasn’t them and their kindness and intelligence. It wasn’t Jayce’s full belly laugh and calloused hands. It wasn’t Viktor’s iron-will and strong gaze. It wasn’t them together or them separately. Because you were here to work, to be friends, and to not impede on their lives more than you already had.

The painting, the whole reason you were here in the first place, was in front of you. You had finished the underpainting, and put what little focus you had onto the flora that crawled around the edges. Every time you started to paint one of them you would find yourself staring, being caught on more than one occasion. Viktor’s sly smirk or Jayce’s big toothy grin rewarding you. And punishing you. Because for each moment that was catalogued to your memory that warmed your heart and made it beat faster, was a pang of guilt through your stomach. So you found yourself working on everything but them for now. Until you could pull your head out of your ass and get through whatever it was that had you so foolishly yearning. Still. You dip your brush in an oil soap jar to clear out the last color you had used and look across the lab as you swish the bristles over metal coils.

Viktor and Jayce had only gotten bolder in their affections, you’ve caught Jayce stealing chaste kisses before. Ones that initially had Viktor blushing and furiously whispering about propriety in the lab. Though lately he seemed to have weaponized them against Jayce. Using them to keep him focused, only giving them if an equation had been solved or notes had been properly catalogued. Like he was training. Or allowing Jayce to kiss his cheek or head with no arguments if it seemed like he was having a rough day. Allowing it now because Jayce had been sick with some delayed spring hay fever and couldn’t stop sniffling. It would have been funny to you if you hadn’t wanted to be a part of it. Just once, and maybe you could let it go. You shake the thought away, the gentle clinking of the wooden handle against the glass walls of the jar pulling you back. “My poor Zlato.” Viktor had said when Jayce had sneezed for the tenth time that day. His tone so loving and so quiet. Full of warmth and slight teasing. A warmth that you felt stain your cheeks when Jayce kissed Viktor’s forehead in response.

You almost wouldn't have heard it had you been focused on your work like you should have been. Zlato. Viktor had been using that word a lot. Some kind of pet name you had figured. But the meaning was unknown to you. And against some better part of your judgement, you ask, “What does that mean?” He had used it for the first time that you knew of that night with the wine. “Zlato?” You repeated the word. Poorly imitating Viktor’s accent in your attempt at pronouncing it. The regret is immediate. “That is not a question you should be asking. Not only because it was intimate and personal and probably invasiv-”

“Darling.” Viktor interrupts your racing thoughts with an answer. And he says it with no judgement. He’s staring right at you when he says. You’re certain that the softness in his eyes is only lingering from when he turned from Jayce. That it isn’t for you and you shouldn’t hold on to it.

“Oh gods,” Your inner voice cries. Another reason why you shouldn’t have asked. Because the blush that is building you cannot hide. It stings in your ears and your cheeks, the shame and embarrassment at how you know that will haunt you long after today. So you deflect. “Didn’t peg you as one for nicknames Viktor. It’s cute.” You aren’t taunting by any means. Trying to remain conversational and move forward before you make things any worse for yourself. Trying to keep your voice steady so it doesn’t betray the bittersweet feeling at their tenderness and your loneliness. But then Jayce speaks. “He has one for you too.” A thumb brushing over Viktor’s knee. “Nope. Nope can’t handle that.” But you ask anyway. This time there is a small waver in your words.

“He does?”

And Viktor answers.

“Broučku.” That word from months ago in your studio. When he had bandaged your hands. You thought you’d heard it in passing, in quiet conversations between just Jayce and Viktor. Had they been speaking of you this whole time? “Little beetle.” He clarifies when you take too long to speak.

“Oh.” It feels impossible to pull your words together now. It was a kindness you hadn’t been offered since you left Zaun. A nickname. A pet name. A sweetness. An intimacy. “Thank you. That is… kind.” You can feel the flush of your face is only getting worse. And they can see it. Both of them watch you process the information. No disdain on their faces. If only they knew how it made your heart ache. They would surely not have shared that with you. Have kept their gazes so soft. And then something hits you.

“Because of the paint?” When Viktor nods, still keeping his amber eyes full of a gentleness you cannot place, you laugh. “But they weren’t beetles!” And you choose to focus on that tangent to move past this.

“Semantics.” He waves you off, and Jayce laughs with you. The tension in your body melts away. The guilt still lingers, but you let it fade into the background. Let yourself have this moment. This curated moment of familiar feelings.

╚═*✧ ✦ ✧.·:·.*.·:·.✧ ✦ ✧.·:·.*.·:·.✧-✦-✧.·:·.*.·:·.✧ ✦ ✧.·:·.*.·:·.✧ ✦ ✧*═╝

---------.·͙*̩̩͙˚̩̥̩̥*̩̩̥͙　✩　*̩̩̥͙˚̩̥̩̥*̩̩͙‧͙-Part 19-.-Part 20 NSFW.·͙*̩̩͙˚̩̥̩̥*̩̩̥͙　✩　*̩̩̥͙˚̩̥̩̥*̩̩͙‧͙ .-----------

------------‧̍̊·̊‧̥°̩̥˚̩̩̥͙°̩̥‧̥·̊‧̍̊ ♡ °̩̥˚̩̩̥͙°̩̥ ·͙*̩̩͙˚̩̥̩̥*̩̩̥͙· Master Fic List *̩̩̥͙˚̩̥̩̥*̩̩͙‧͙ °̩̥˚̩̩̥͙°̩̥ ♡ ‧̍̊·̊‧̥°̩̥˚̩̩̥͙°̩̥‧̥·̊‧̍̊--------------

#personal pigments #zlato also meaning gold will be used next chapter trust #Hope y'all know i really wanted to put the burn in slowburn this chapter #arcane #viktor arcane #fanfiction #viktor league of legends #fanfic #x reader #viktor lol #jayvik #jayce talis #jayvik x reader #jayvik x you

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naughtyneganjdm · 2 months ago

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Christmas in Jackson - Chapter 13

Summary: Against better judgement, Joel goes to the party that Maria and Tommy have with Y/N. Things seem fine at first until someone in town decides to start trouble for Joel when they alert Y/N to Joel's dark past.

Characters: Joel Miller, the reader (OC), Tommy, Maria, Ellie, Dina, etc.

AO3 Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/61159651/chapters/165787558

Warnings: Swearing, Fluff, Sad Moments, Tiny Amounts of Smut (Not very detailed), Graphic Depictions of Violence, Joel being very depressed, blood, etc.

Notes: I have this whole story done now! I know it's in the middle of April lol, but what can you do when life doesn't let you relax for more than ten minutes. So I will have this up ASAP. There are two chapters left after this one. Just a reminder that this is an alternate universe, so Joel's origin story is close to the same, but a little different since there was never an outbreak. Thanks to anyone that still reads this! If you'd like to read previous chapters, check them out here.

“You know, I thought the whole point of a shower was for us to get clean,” Y/N panted with Joel peppering kisses over her shoulder from where they were standing in front of the bathroom mirror. Snickering against her skin sent chills down her spine. The warmth of his breath lingered over her neck, with his short facial hair scratching at her flesh. Gradually, Joel’s eyes lifted to meet her stare in the slightly fogged over mirror from the hot shower they had taken together that likely lasted longer than it should have. Dragging his hands up over her sides caused her eyes to flutter to a slow close. A broken breath mirroring that of a whimper escaped her throat. Caressing his hands lower led to her hips where he gave a soft squeeze. Unhurriedly, his hands continued their journey downwards until he was able to palm in over her thighs. Pampering her shoulder with slow kisses had her leaning back further into him. “We were supposed to take a shower so we could be ready for the dinner, but now? Well, now we’re messy all over again.”

“Only on the inside,” he growled, nipping faintly at her neck causing the tiniest of moans to fall from her lips. Sliding his right hand up, he caressed in over her abdomen before lowering downwards to palm between her thighs. Almost immediately, a tremoring exhale filled the air as he buried his nose in against the side of her neck. “There really isn’t anything wrong with being dirty. Dirty is nice.”

So easily Joel could have her reacting to him and he knew it. It never really took much. With his free hand, he raised it up to drag it across the length of her breasts. Stopping at one of them, he gave it a firm squeeze provoking her to coo out, “You’re not playing fair with me Joel Miller.”

“Maybe not,” he snickered against her jawline as his kisses continued up over the side of her neck. “But this is more fun than anything we have planned today. And I like this kind of playing. I like watching you squirm. It makes me very happy.”

“And that kind of happy leads to things we don’t have time for,” she purred out, her fingers curling around his wrist to try to stop him from distracting her from what she knew they had to do. “I really don’t think it would be okay with me going to your brother’s dinner with your come dripping down my thighs.”

“I mean, I don’t see a problem with it,” Joel snickered, tipping forward just enough to look down toward her thighs. “It’s just marking you as mine.”

“I’m yours regardless,” she turned just enough to meet Joel in a lingering kiss that had him humming against the warmth of her lips.

“I’ll clean you up,” he assured her, brushing his tongue out against hers as he gave one final squeeze at her breast. Everything took her breath away when it came to him and he knew that. With one simple touch he had her melting in the palm of his hand. Forcing her to turn toward him, he picked her up in his arms and set her down on the edge of the counter. Almost instinctively her arms hooked loosely around his shoulders causing a bright smile to tug at his handsome features. Brushing her fingers through his damp hair, she swept it back out of his eyes and sighed. “You look happy.”

“I am happy,” she countered, leaning in to pepper kisses against his lips. Curling his fingers around the back of her neck, Joel pulled her in closer to him to deepen their kisses. What was first playful and sweet grew passionate and hungry. With a smile, she pulled back just enough to rest her forehead in against his. “Although, I think I’m going to be a little sore and tired.”

“But pleased?” he snickered, extending his right hand out to steal a tissue from the counter. Looking down between them, he dragged it along her inner thigh pulling out the tiniest of moans from her as he cleaned his release from her body. Lifting his stare, his eyebrows bounced up at her reaction to him doing what he was. Biting down on his bottom lip, he continued to clean her up with a smile. “Y’know, I’d really rather stay here tonight.”

“I think we both would,” she pointed out with Joel throwing the tissue away in the trashcan beside the counter. When he returned, Joel’s hand found its way back between her thighs. Dropping her head forward against his shoulder, she bit down on her bottom lip when he pressed a finger inside of her. Inserting a second, he wasn’t rushed in the way he pumped his fingers into her body while nuzzling his nose in against the side of her face.

“Then why bother going tonight?” Joel slurred, pulling his fingers from her body seeing that some of his release was coating his fingertips. Tipping his head back, he lifted his fingers and took his time to drag his fingertips across her bottom lip. “Let’s just focus on us again tonight. Find new ways to enjoy one another.”

A raspy moan rumbled deep from within his throat with her tongue dragging out across his fingertips. By the time her lips wrapped around them, it had his heart kick starting inside of his chest, “Fucking hell…”

A wet sound surrounded them when her mouth pulled from his fingers. Growling out, Joel could sense the liquid rush that flooded through his veins after she cleaned his fingertips of his release, “I think we’ve discovered many, many ways to enjoy one another. I’ve had sex more in the last few days than I probably have in years. My body is feeling it.”

“Then how about we cuddle up by the fire? I’ll grab the blankets again, we can turn a movie on. Watch something?” Joel rambled on, his thumb caressing over the curve of her jawline with his dark eyes narrowing. “And if we have sex, I promise I’ll be very romantic. Gentle, slow. Drag it out.”

“You really don’t want to go tonight, do you?” she wondered, brushing her fingers through his naturally curly hair. His cheesy smile faded to a frown with him sighing loudly. “We already told Tommy that we would be coming over tonight honey.”

“I know that, but you have to understand…” Joel started, stopping when he genuinely wanted to be honest with her, but he didn’t know what to say. “Y/N I don’t like being out in public. And Maria’s family? They don’t like me much. They don’t hide it neither. I always leave this dinner feelin’ really shitty about myself.”

“Then why did you agree to go to it in the first place? People shouldn’t be allowed to make you feel like that,” she declared as his hands settled in against her hips. “I know it sounded like Tommy wanted us there to be his moral support because Maria’s family is driving him crazy with the whole baby stuff.”

“I wanna be there for my brother, I do,” he sighed, nuzzling his nose in against hers in attempts to try to calm himself. “I just feel like my way of helping my brother is gonna be me being the primary target of these people. They know about my past and somehow, it’s always brought up. Snide comments here and there.”

“I’m not going to force you to go to something you don’t want to go to,” she whispered, palming in over the side of his face realizing that he actually did seem pretty upset about things. “I can meet Ellie some other time. Hell, I’m good with hot chocolate, some popcorn and cheesy action movies until the end of time if that’s what you want.”

“I knew there was a reason I loved you,” he rumbled, releasing a long exhale when both Ellie and Tommy came to mind. “I do have to go, don’t I?”

“That’s not my decision to make,” she reminded him, sweeping his hair out of his eyes and behind his ear. “If you go? This time you have something you didn’t before. And that’s me. I don’t care about your past. I don’t care what they say. I will always defend you. I promise. I’m not afraid to put someone in their place.”

“I’m very much aware of that,” he snickered, biting down on his bottom lip and leaning back enough to look her over. “I guess we can test the water and see how it goes. I reckon if things get too overwhelming for me, Tommy would understand if I had to leave early.”

“I support anything you want to do,” she whispered, pressing another tender kiss over his lips. “Although, I do think I need to hop in the shower and clean off first if that’s what we’re planning on doing.”

“Now why would you do that?” he hushed her, his southern drawl growing thicker as he shook his head. Sweeping his rough fingertips in over her inner thigh, he smirked and shrugged his shoulders. “I kinda like the idea of you being at that party with my cum inside of you.”

“You’re fucking naughty,” she laughed noticing the way his eyes dilated with lust for her. “I’m serious Joel Miller, I think you have some serious kinks going on in that brain of yours.”

“Oh come on,” he growled, nipping at her chin before tipping back to stare out at her with his chocolate-colored eyes. “You like it just as much as I do. You like the feeling of being mine. Plus, you were the one begging me to come inside of you. As you do most times we are together. So, I reckon, you’re just as naughty.”

Clearing her throat, her eyes came to a tight close with Joel pressing delicate kisses over her jawline and toward her neck, “Nothing turns me on more than when you’re beggin’ me to come inside of you. Clawin’ at my back, cryin’ out my name.”

Somehow, his voice grew raspier and his accent was that much more intense, “The sounds you make when I come inside of you are like fucking heaven. I tell you that. You cling so tightly to me, like you don’t want to let me go. So if I’m a freak? You’re my equal honey.”

“Fair enough,” she panted, whimpering out at the ache that was starting to grow inside of her again. An amused rumble escaped Joel noticing the way she was breathing. Just talking to her like that had her nipples hard and it made him suck in a sharp breath of air.

Raising his hand up, he circled his thumb over the hard bud and felt a lump growing in his throat while she braced herself on the counter before him, “How late are we?”

“I imagine we’re going to be pretty late,” she commented with Joel pulling her right to the edge of the counter. Gasping out, she clung tightly to him as he buried his nose in against the side of her neck when he thrust himself deeply inside of her again. “Joel…”

“A few more minutes couldn’t hurt,” he slurred against the side of her neck leaving hot, wet kisses there. Her arms wrapped tightly around his shoulders with his arm hooking firmly around her waist. Flexing his bicep drew her closer to him. With slow, determined movements Joel swallowed down hard recognizing his timing was probably extremely bad. “I have a question.”

“Yeah?” she panted, leaving kisses along his jawline eliciting him to moan at the sensation. Unhurriedly her lips trailed in over his and he growled when she left wet kisses over his bottom lip. “Daddy?”

“I uh…well…” he paused his movements, clearing his throat when he tipped his head from side to side. Maybe this wasn’t the best topic to approach so early in their relationship, but his conversation with Tommy yesterday was still lingering in his mind. “I was wondering, what do you think about kids?”

“Kids?” she repeated, sucking in a sharp breath of air with his hips rolling up against hers in slow, powerful movements. Really? It was hard to focus. Even if they were unrushed movements, her body was already incredibly sensitive. “I guess it depends on the kid. Usually they are pretty cute. Depending on their ages, they can be really fun to hang around with. Of course there are some that are…”

“No, no,” he interrupted her with a laugh, shaking his head when what he was trying to ask went right over her head in that moment. Her face scrunched up in confusion. Trying to gather his courage, he shifted before her and sighed. Stopping his movements, his dark eyes locked with hers and he felt his heart hammering inside of his chest. “I mean…would you ever consider the idea of having children with me?”

Almost immediately, a sense of shock flooded into her face with her eyebrows bouncing up. Shit, that’s when he started to panic. Shaking his head, he forced himself to look away from her and felt his heart skip a beat, “Y’know what? I’m sorry, forget it. That was so stupid. I don’t know why I even…”

“Joel,” she reached up to place her hand in over the side of his face to draw him back to her, trying to pull him away from his stressed nature. “That just wasn’t what I was expecting from you while we were…doing this. You’ll have to give me a second to gather myself.”

“I just don’t want to scare you away from me,” he frowned, leaning into her touch with her caressing at the side of his face. “It’s just, I was talkin’ to Tommy about something yesterday and it made me think how I’m not young anymore. And then I started thinkin’ about how I want to live life the best way I can. I love you. I’m excited at the thought of you movin’ in here and I just, I don’t know. I thought maybe it’d be nice to have children with you. Maybe it’s cus’ Maria and Tommy are havin’ a baby, I don’t know. But? Y’know what? Forget it. That’s a big question to put on someone that…”

“Honey, give me time to answer before you decide the answer is no,” she requested, cupping his face in her hands lovingly. Taking a moment to think of her answer, she shrugged her shoulders before locking her eyes with his. “I haven’t really thought about the idea of having children. I’ve always been so busy that I didn’t think I’d have time for them. But now? Considering I’m moving here and I don’t know anything about my future, yet. I could see myself having a family with you.”

“Yeah?” his eyebrows bounced up, a sense of excitement flooding through his features and his whole body language changed. “I mean, I don’t wanna force you or nothin’. I know it’s fast and…”

“What hasn’t gone fast with our relationship? People are already going to think we’re crazy as it is,” she responded, dragging her thumb out across his bottom lip. It had his eyes fluttering to a close with him pressing kisses against the pad of her thumb. “Something tells me that you’d make a really good dad.”

Pausing, Joel’s kisses came to a slow stop with them gradually opening. Swallowing down hard, his Adam’s apple bounced in his throat. At this point? He knew that she was aware that he used to be a father. It’s just she wasn’t aware that he knew Maria told her about Sarah. With a weak smile, Joel reached for her hand and pulled it up to place a loving kiss over the back of it.

“Y’know, Tommy pointed out to me yesterday that we weren’t using protection when we were sleeping together. And while I reckon it’s creepy as hell that my brother is thinkin’ about that with us,” he heard her laugh at it made him pause for a second to get a chuckle in himself. “I don’t know, I just realized he was right. And I don’t know if you’re on birth control or…”

“I am,” she claimed, her eyes narrowing out at him when he exhaled loudly. “Why? Are you asking me to stop?”

“I mean…” he stammered to find the right words but was falling short. “I wouldn’t ask you to do that so soon. I reckon you’d want to move in first and figure out what you were doing…”

His words came to a quick halt when her lips slammed in over his, interrupting his train of thought. Over and over again she kissed him with their breathing growing louder. Pulling her closer to the edge of the counter had her gasping out but clinging tighter to him. Starting to bounce his hips up toward hers had their winces filling the smaller bathroom. Her fingers sank into his hair, tugging firmly at it with his fingers digging into her flesh.

“I’d do just about anything for you Joel Miller,” she purred against his lips, breaking away from their kiss with a pant. Tracing over the side of his face, she shook her head and sighed loudly. “Anything to make you happy. And I’d be okay with it. Because you make me happy.”

Passionate sweep after sweep of his lips over hers had her crying out his name with every movement he made beneath her while she clung tightly to him, “That was the most in-depth conversation I’ve ever had during sex.”

“I highly doubt that,” he winced, nuzzling his nose in against hers. Hovering his lips just over hers had her smiling.

“Sure, there has been dirty talk,” her nails bit into his shoulders with him nibbling at her bottom lip. “But never such a serious…conversation. No one was ever asking if they could impregnate me.”

“I’m happy to be the first,” he hummed against her lips causing a chill to run down her spine. His eyes slammed shut with his continued thrusts enjoying the way she held him close while tugging at his dark hair. It didn’t take long for them to finish since everything was already so sensitive as it was with their previous sex. When they were done, he just rest his head against her shoulder loving the way it felt with her leaving kisses over his freckle covered skin. “Sometimes I wonder if I’m gonna wake up in front of the fireplace at the inn.”

“What do you mean?” she leaned back enough to look him over. By his expression, he looked embarrassed as he sighed.

“I mean I often wonder if I conjured you up in one of my dreams. The perfect person walks into our inn and all of this happens in such a short amount of time?” Joel stammered, looking for the right words to describe how he was feeling. “It doesn’t often feel real. So I’m waiting to wake up from my dream.”

“You’re very much awake,” she assured him with a weak smile, her hand reaching for his so she could hook their fingers together. Giving a firm squeeze, she brought his hand up to place a kiss over the back of it. “Sure, we’re a little crazy, but I think we’ve already learned to accept that…”

“A very long time ago,” he smirked, dropping his head forward to lean it in against hers. “I just love you. And loving things scares me.”

“That’s normal. It just means your human,” she claimed, pulling him in for a loving hug where she stroked her fingers tenderly against the back of his neck. Placing tiny kisses over his neck and toward his shoulder she knew that he yearned for this kind of touch. How touch starved Joel could be was one of the first things she noticed about him. “When you love something, it wouldn’t be normal to not feel that way.”

While Joel knew that to be true, he just wasn’t used to this kind of feeling. When they finally did start to get ready, Joel knew that he didn’t want to go to this thing. Dealing with his family? That was one thing. Dealing with the rest of the world and the people in the town? That was another. There was only so much socializing he could do and he couldn’t trust a stranger to not say something.

Sitting at the bottom of the bed after they finished up in the bathroom, Joel watched Y/N getting ready. Bracing his hands back on the bed, he tipped his head to the side and sighed loudly, “Y/N? You could really see a future with us, right? One where we’re together and you’re happy?”

“I don’t like to live in the future, I’d rather focus on the moment,” she stressed to him, turning to face him realizing that his expression showed that he was ill at ease. “But I know how I feel right now whenever I’m with you and it’s not a feeling I can ever see leaving me. You’ve made your mark on me Joel Miller. I can’t get it to leave.”

“Good,” he grumbled pushing up from the bed onto his feet. Heading over toward her, he faintly cupped her face in his hands. Sweeping his thumbs in against the side of her face, he sighed loudly. “I don’t want that to leave.”

The sound of Joel’s phone buzzing in his pocket interrupted the two of them right when he was about the kiss her and it made the both of them smile, “I’m guessing that’s Tommy having a meltdown that we aren’t there yet?”

“Most likely,” he frowned, stepping back to dig into his pocket to find his phone. Staring down at it, she was right, it was Tommy calling him. Exhaling loudly, Joel considered answering it, but ultimately swiped away the call. “We’ll get there when we get there. I reckon they have a lot of help.”

Putting his phone back, he stepped before Y/N and reached for her hands to grab a tight hold of them, “I do feel like I need to warn you today that you might hear some things and some people might be awkward with you. Maria’s dad don’t like me much, so he might throw some jabs in there. And I think my brother has Ellie convinced that I’m having a mid-life crisis with how I’m handling things with you. Other than my brother needing someone to lean on and maybe Ellie, no one really wants to see me there.”

“Then don’t bother with anyone else,” she blurt out, shaking her head as she spoke. “You don’t owe anyone anything. And I don’t care what people say about you. Nothing, and I mean nothing, is going to change my opinion of you. Do you understand me?”

“Yes ma’am,” he weakly smiled realizing that all of his fears were weighing heavy on him, but like she always did, she was very reassuring and comforting for him to help him work through it. Every year he went to this dinner previously, he just came home feeling worse about himself. But this year? At least he had her by his side. So maybe things would be different. “Where have you been my whole life?”

“Halfway across the country,” she teased him, tickling at his ribs and it had him chuckling against the side of her neck. “But I’m here now. And that’s all that matters. You’ve got me on your side. I promise you that.”

“Mhmm…I don’t doubt that either,” he hummed, holding her in close to him. Did he want to go to this thing? No. But by Tommy already calling him, he felt like he had to. “I love you.”

“And I love you,” she responded, brushing his hair behind his ear. Kissing him once more, she traced her thumb across his plump bottom lip and it made him smile. Just the sight of that could warm her heart, even in a moment like this where he was uncomfortable. Even though he was trying, it was obvious in everything that he did that he didn’t want to go. But he still followed her out of the house and stopped when he saw that the street was already lined with cars she hadn’t seen before. Considering they were later than they said they would be, it only made sense for it to be that way. The closer they got to Tommy’s the more Joel seemed to tense up. Maybe it was an involuntary reaction, but Joel seemed to drag his feet in the snow like he was regretting his decision. Pausing, she looked toward the door of Tommy’s home and then back at Joel. “You know what? Screw it. We can just go back to the house and…”

“Joel,” a voice called out after the front door was heard opening. Gazing back over her shoulder, Y/N saw a young woman moving out from inside the house. The sight of her made Joel smile brightly when he slowly released Y/N. It was the first time he seemed happy instead of miserable. “Goddamn. I know you’re old and shit, but Dina’s dead grandmother is moving faster than you. I was worried about you. Tommy was having a meltdown. You should have fucking seen him.”

“Ellie,” Joel grunted, laughing as Ellie made it down the stairs to wrap her arms firmly around Joel’s torso. With a loud exhale, Joel wrapped his arms tightly around her and pulled her close. By the expression over his face, Y/N could tell that Joel wasn’t expecting this kind of response from the young woman that he told her he took under his wing years ago. “You haven’t changed. It’s good to see you kiddo.”

“It’s good to see you too,” Ellie smiled, stepping back and lifting her hand up. Tapping faintly at the side of Joel’s face had some color flooding into it. In that moment, it was obvious that Joel’s eyes were burning over and he was doing his best to keep it together. But the moment made him emotional and it was obvious. Finally looking up at Y/N, Ellie pointed out toward Y/N and gave a weak smile. “So this is her, huh?”

“Yeah,” Joel shook off the feeling of the overwhelming emotions that he was experiencing. Motioning Y/N closer, Joel grabbed a firm hold of her hand and hooked his fingers with hers. “This is Y/N. She’s…well she’s my girlfriend.”

“I sadly know about her more than I probably should because Tommy can’t keep his mouth shut,” Ellie began, noticing the way that both Joel and Y/N seemed to get pale with that comment. “I just…I mean, I know that she’s a doctor and that she’s from New York. What did you think I was saying?”

“Nothin’,” Joel was thankful to hear that considering Tommy had a problem with keeping his mouth shut about what he had walked in on with Joel and Y/N previously. And their sex life was not something that Joel wanted Tommy talking to Ellie about. “I just, Tommy has a problem with talkin’ too much sometimes.”

“Oh no. I just mean, he told me all of the things I could have asked her to know her. But that’s okay! Because we will just have to find time to talk today to learn other things,” Ellie outstretched her hand to introduce herself to Y/N. Accepting the gesture with her free hand that wasn’t holding onto Joel’s, Y/N offered a welcoming smile. “It’s nice to meet you Y/N. You’ll have to forgive me. This man right here means a lot to me so if I interrogate you with a lot of questions, it’s for a good reason.”

“I would expect nothing less and I’m an open book,” Y/N was very accepting of what Ellie said. In fact, it made her happy to hear that Ellie felt that way. In previous discussions it felt like Joel may have thought that Ellie didn’t care about him anymore, so Ellie saying that? That quickly shut down Joel’s theory. “I know it sounds crazy, but I do love this man. Very much. So, I’m willing to go through just about anything for him.”

“Oh wow,” Ellie blurt out, looking to Joel with big eyes. It seemed like she was impressed. Yet? Surprise flooded through her young features when she released a laugh. “How did you brainwash this one Joel?”

“I’m irresistible. That’s how,” his voice changed by deepening the tone of it. Waving his hand about had both Y/N and Ellie immediately bursting out in laughter afterwards. It caused a warmth to flood into Joel’s face and he turned a light shade of red. “What? I am?”

“Of course you are honey,” Y/N agreed with him and the arrogance that Joel had feigned now had him rubbing at the back of his neck in a moment of tension. “You’re the most irresistible man I know.”

“See,” Joel defended his comment, holding his hand up toward Y/N. Giving Joel a nod, Ellie wiped at the corner of her eyes from the good laugh she got from it. Sighing loudly, Joel shrugged his shoulders and reached for Y/N again to pull her in close to him. “Truthfully? I don’t know how I got so lucky. Somehow fate led her to the inn and I’ve never been more thankful.”

“Well just a pre-warning Y/N, you’re the topic of discussion for most people here today. A lot of them want to meet you because a lot of people didn’t think Joel would ever get with someone. So they are very curious about you and who you are,” Ellie claimed, giving her attention fully to Y/N. Circling her finger in the air, Ellie tipped her head from side to side. “But? Dina and I saved a place at the table for you two to be with us. That way I’ve got you in case people overstep their boundaries.”

“Overstep their…” Y/N was about to question that, but then remembered where she was. Most of the people here consistently did that. “Right.”

“Damn big brother, could you take any longer?” Tommy’s voice grumbled from the front door of the house. Pretty quickly Tommy was approaching them, moving down the steps in a hurry. “I thought you were abandoning me here all alone today.”

“You weren’t alone. You had Ellie,” Joel insisted, pointing over toward Ellie while his fingers squeezed firmly around Y/N’s. What he needed was that support to know that she was there. He was uneasy and she knew it. But he was doing his best to hold it together. Following Ellie into the home with Tommy made Y/N realize Ellie was being serious. Everyone that saw her stopped to talk to her. And it felt like she was meeting someone new every few minutes. But thankfully, so far, it seemed like everyone was nice. No one said anything inappropriate or rude. They were just introducing themselves and being friendly. Talking to her about her life in New York and her career. Some people would talk to her about their favorite places they visited in New York, happy to associate her with something that they knew. Even though people were talking to her, Joel was never more than a foot or two away from her. While she was talking to strangers, Joel was still very focused on talking to Ellie and who Y/N assumed was Ellie’s significant other. “Hey Y/N…”

Hearing Joel’s deep rumble of a voice, she turned around to see that Joel was holding a baby in his arms and he looked thrilled to be doing so. Cuddling the little boy closer to his chest, Joel gave her a cheesy smile and nodded down, “There is someone I want you to meet.”

“Oh hell. Who is this,” Y/N turned toward Joel, feeling a sense of awe at the little boy in his arms. His big brown eyes were staring up at her, a tiny smile tugging at his features. Enthusiastically she continued to talk to the baby who liked the way she was giving him attention. “You are gorgeous aren’t you? Wearing that suit makes you look so handsome.”

“Oh he is going to eat that up,” Ellie chuckled hearing the giggles of JJ follow with his smile spreading out across his chubby cheeks.

“This here is JJ,” Joel introduced her, slightly bouncing on his feet with his head tipped down toward the little boy. Ellie was smiling at the way that Joel was interacting with the baby and it was very noticeable from where Y/N was. “This is Dina and Ellie’s son. And that right there is Dina. She’s Ellie’s partner…”

“It’s a pleasure to meet you,” Y/N lifted up long enough to introduce herself to Dina who seemed very shy in comparison to Ellie. By the sounds that JJ made it was obvious that he wanted Y/N’s attention again causing her to smile. “Well you are the cutest thing I’ve seen in a long time.”

“Hey,” Joel feigned being offended with a laugh surprising Ellie with the way that Joel genuinely seemed happy. Even the way he was being so affectionate toward JJ impressed her. “I thought I was the cutest thing.”

“Well, second best to this little guy,” Y/N winked with JJ reaching his hand out to try to curl his tiny fingers around Joel’s thick finger. Right on time JJ giggled and it made both of them laugh.

“You’re stealin’ my woman little man,” Joel grumbled under his breath wiggling his finger about having JJ giggle again. What was surprising is that Ellie saw something in Joel she hadn’t seen in a very long time. A light that brought forth a happiness inside of him. What she expected to have to do today was lecture Joel about finding some random woman, but instead she could see that this actually seemed to have a positive effect on Joel. “You gotta stop being so damn charming.”

“Holy shit, are you seeing this?” Ellie muttered under her breath, pulling Dina in closer to her who was watching her son with both Joel and the new woman in his life. Giving a single nod, Dina couldn’t help but smile at how much JJ seemed to be enjoying the attention from both of them. “I think he likes you Y/N.”

“Well I like him too. He has the cutest little cheeks and laugh,” she expressed to Ellie, finally standing up straight and moving forward enough to extend her hand out to introduce herself to Dina. “It’s really nice to meet you. JJ here is a handsome little guy in the suit you put him in.”

“Oh, he eats it up,” Dina waved her hand about, smirking as she noticed Joel continue to bounce JJ in his arms. Giggling out, JJ reached out to grab a hold of Joel’s face when Joel puffed his cheeks out.

“Is JJ short for something?” Y/N wondered, looking back at Joel who was whispering something to JJ before peppering kisses over the little boy’s cheeks.

“Jesse Joel,” Ellie was quick to respond, having Joel lift his head up to stare out at her with a proud expression. “He’s named after his father and well, the man that saved my life a long time ago. It’s just easier to call him JJ so we don’t get confused.”

“That’s beautiful,” Y/N acknowledged, happy to hear that kind of thing. For the longest time, Y/N didn’t think Joel had anyone. He was so lonely, but seeing that Joel had Ellie, JJ and Tommy in his life was a good thing. “Jesse? I’ve heard that name somewhere…”

“Oh, he works at the inn,” Joel reminded her pulling her attention from Dina and Ellie. That’s when it struck her that Tommy mentioned the name when he was lecturing Joel and Y/N at the inn not long ago.

“He’s here somewhere,” Dina explained, circling her finger in the air. Really, she didn’t know where Jesse was at the moment. Loud laughter spilled from JJ as he played with Joel’s hair. It had been so long since they had gotten to spend time with Joel that she never really realized how in awe of Joel JJ was. “I’m sure you’ll get to meet him at some point. He makes his presence known.”

“Hey there JJ,” another voice interrupted them by placing their hand in over Joel’s shoulders. Gazing over his shoulder, Joel saw Maria standing behind him and she nodded her head toward an empty corner of the house. “Do you mind if I steal Joel for a second?”

“Sure, we’ll keep Y/N safe,” Ellie promised with a wink, reaching out to grab Y/N’s wrist to pull her in closer to her and Dina.

Even though Joel wasn’t entirely too comfortable leaving Y/N, he followed Maria regardless. Once they were alone, Maria started to speak softly, “I just want you to know that I asked my family to tone it down today. They promised that they would be respectful and bite their tongues. I asked them to do it for me. So you don’t have to worry about my father making a smart remark today.”

“Yeah?” Joel was relieved to hear that as he adjusted JJ in his arms. For a long time Maria wasn’t always incredibly fond of Joel herself, but she managed to seem to start liking him more over the last few years. Moving forward, Joel used his free arm to hug her tightly, surprising Maria at the movement. Pressing a kiss against her forehead, Joel sighed and stepped back. “You have no idea how much I appreciate that.”

“I have an idea,” she replied, reaching out to place her hand in over the center of Joel’s chest. “Don’t fuck this up, Joel. This woman really loves you. I hope you know that. Even against better judgement with how fast this has been, I can see it in the way she looks at you. The way she talks about you…”

“I don’t want to fuck this up,” Joel stressed to her, exhaling loudly when he gazed upon Y/N talking with Ellie and Dina. Something Y/N said managed to make the two girls laugh out loud and it made him smile. How quickly she connected with the people in his life was amazing. Plus, even though he mentioned it to no one, he heard Y/N and Maria together the yesterday talking about Sarah. Joel knew what he meant to Y/N. “I like the way this feels.”

“I like to hear that Joel,” Maria tipped up on her toes to return the kiss against Joel’s cheek before moving off to continue to prepare the dinner that she was finishing up for everyone.

Going to head back to the women, Joel stopped when he saw the door open. When his eyes fell upon the person walking in with Maria’s father, he felt his heart drop. Stepping forward, Joel grunted when Tommy cut him off before he could head in that direction.

“You invited Seth?” Joel snapped at Tommy, his brow line creasing when Tommy hushed him and urged him to step back toward another area of the home. That relaxed demeanor that Joel had? Yeah, that was quickly gone once he saw the man that was known in the town for being the biggest asshole. “Fucking Seth? Tommy! What the fuck? Do you know what he did to Ellie?”

“Yeah, I was there when you two butted heads,” Tommy recalled, making sure that Seth got a good distance away before finally stepping back. The older man in town known for causing trouble at The Tipsy Bison was never someone that Joel got along with well. “Maria’s father found out that he was alone for Christmas and he invited him. Maria nor I really had a say.”

“He’s a homophobic piece of shit,” Joel snarled, trying to contain his anger while he held onto JJ who was staring up at Joel with his big eyes. “He’s lucky I didn’t break his nose for the way he talked to Ellie that day. I can’t believe you have him here.”

“You invited Seth?” Ellie’s voice interrupted the two of them with Tommy dramatically throwing his hands up in the air. “Why the hell did you invite him?”

“I didn’t! Neither did Maria. Maria’s father did because he felt bad for Seth for being alone,” Tommy turned on his heel, his dark eyes surveying both Dina and Y/N following Ellie not far behind. “It’s just one dinner. We’re all at one very big, long table that we put across the dining room and the living room. He’s at one corner, you guys are at another corner. I promise you, it’s gonna be fine.”

“He was alone on Christmas cus’ he’s a fuckin’ prick Tommy,” Joel snarled, carefully handing JJ back to Dina who accepted him readily in her arms. “I’m pretty fucking sure neither of us would have come if we would have known Seth was gonna be here.”

“Which is why I didn’t tell you,” Tommy reasoned with them, opening himself up so he was able to talk to both Joel and Ellie. “He’s just stayin’ for dinner and that’s it. I promise. He won’t linger.”

“I’m guessing this guy is bad news?” Y/N spoke up feeling bad that both Joel and Ellie seemed to be upset with what was going on. They were on edge and she could see it from the moment that man walked through the door. Both of their body language changed as soon as they saw him.

“Yes,” both Joel and Ellie answered at the same exact time very firmly. It had Tommy stressed with him dropping his head down and pinching at the bridge of his nose.

“Trust me, I don’t want him here either,” Tommy assured them both, placing his hand in over the center of his chest to express how he felt about the entire situation. “I know you both are upset, but I would really just like to have my family here with me. Maria has this big family and all I have is you two. So please, if you can just keep it together for today…”

“That’s asking a lot Tommy. He’s a prejudiced asshole,” Ellie reminded Tommy under her breath letting out a tense sound. But by the expression that Tommy was giving her, she knew this meant a lot. “But because I care about you I’ll shut up. But if he opens his mouth…”

“Then he deserves whatever he gets,” Tommy interrupted Ellie, lifting his hands up and pointing back toward the kitchen. “I need help carrying things to the table. Would you two please help me while Dina and Y/N here get settled in at their spots at the table.”

Agreeing to help Tommy, it was hard to really shut down the idea that the town’s biggest asshole would be eating dinner with them today, but they knew they couldn’t fight any further about it. Seth was already here and there was no changing it.

At dinner, Joel remained entirely too quiet for Y/N’s liking. There was potential with things going well originally when they showed up, but after the arrival of this Seth? Things went down south. Instead of talking or trying to socialize with anyone, Joel just kept his head down. Unless someone was directly talking to him or mentioning him, Joel didn’t add anything to the conversations that were being had.

Many times throughout dinner, she would place her hand under the table to hold his. Giving it a firm squeeze showed him that she was there for him and was his support system. No matter what was happening. Often, people would talk to her. About her life and who she was. Asking her medical questions or simple things like how she was enjoying Jackson. At the start? It was all pretty easy to handle. Their curiosity was there and she tried to play friendly as well as she could.

“So, what was a big New York City doctor doing coming out here?” a voice that hadn’t spoke up yet called out from the other side of the long table that they were seated at. The voice had drawn Joel’s attention and it was then she realized that it was Seth. The man that had upset Joel and Ellie with just being there. “I mean, if you’re such an important surgeon in New York, what are you still doing here?”

“It’s a long story,” Y/N noticed there was a demeaning tone in Seth’s words, but she wasn’t going to let it bother her. “But as far as being here? I’ll have to head back soon. I guess my future there really doesn’t matter because I’ve decided to move to Jackson to be with Joel.”

A few of Maria’s family dropped their silverware, obviously surprised to hear that the woman Joel had only just met was moving that fast, “I figure once I get everything in order back in New York, I can get settled here and maybe join the team at the hospital in town. Or I could open my own place…”

“That’s probably a good idea,” Seth spoke up, getting a confused expression from most of those that were at the table. “I’d assume the people in charge of the hospital in New York wouldn’t be entirely too comfortable once they got the news. Hell, I wonder if the hospital staff here would be okay with it either.”

“What news?” Ellie spoke up this time, her young face twisting in confusion. Answering for Y/N was probably rude, but she felt protective of this new woman in Joel’s life. Especially when it came to the asshole she had many encounters within the past that always led to some kind of fight.

“That she’s dating someone like Joel,” Seth retorted and this time it had Tommy coughing, the color draining from his face when he looked over to Joel. Instead of reacting, Joel lowered the fork that he was holding and turned his stare over toward Seth. Maria whispered something to her father and her father was trying to stop things from going further, but the older man shook his head with his jaw flexing. “I mean it. D’you really think anyone you worked for would be okay with you dating a murderer? One that has a nasty habit of beating people damn near to death to the point that they are a bloody pulp. I mean sure, he somehow always got away with it with a slap on the wrist, but that kind of shit gets around don’t you think?”

“Enough,” Tommy demanded from Seth, his dark eyes glaring out at the older man who simply just smirked and shrugged his shoulders. Tommy didn’t lie, he went into protective brother mode the moment that Seth started to say something shitty, but by Joel’s expression and the way the color drained from Joel’s face? The damage was already done. “One more word…”

“And what?” Seth snapped, pushing his chair back and throwing his hands up in the air. “Don’t you think she deserves to know what kind of man she is risking her whole life for? Hell, he can run from the things he did, but your past always comes up to bite you in the ass. How many times were you arrested for your violent outbursts Joel? Does she know about those? Or how you and your last woman got in trouble back in Boston? What was it the two of you were doing again? Dealing?”

“That’s it…” Ellie dropped her silverware and stood up from the table ready to take out the man that was running his mouth. A moment later, Joel was reaching up to grab a hold of Ellie’s arm to stop her from moving. Shaking his head, he motioned her to sit back down and he cleared his throat. “Joel? This is bullshit.”

Turning his head, Joel’s dark eyes narrowed when he looked over Y/N. His lips parted like he was going to say something, but then he simply just sighed. Getting up from the table, Joel grabbed his jacket from the back of his chair and nodded toward the front door, “Maria, you’ll have to excuse me. I’m gonna head out.”

Moving around the table caused people to whisper since they expected Joel to snap, but instead of responding to the things that Seth was saying, he instead decided to leave. Having trouble pushing her chair out from the table, Y/N was quick to get up and follow after Joel. Unlike Joel, she wasn’t polite about it nor did she even acknowledge anyone as she chased after Joel.

“Joel,” Y/N called out to him, doing her best to keep up. Slamming the door shut behind her, she stumbled down the stairs and into the snow that started to fall during their time in Tommy’s house. By now Joel had reached the gate to the yard and stopped when he heard her voice. Not turning to look at her had her worried as she moved down the sidewalk. “What are you doing?”

“You should stay. Enjoy the rest of the dinner,” Joel muttered, just barely being heard when she got closer. Looking back over his shoulder, he realized that she had left without grabbing her jacket. Huffing out, he moved toward her and wrapped his jacket around her shoulders after he took his off. “I should have never come here in the first place.”

It sounded like there was yelling coming from the house and it made Y/N look back over her shoulder. Right when Joel was about to leave, she reached for his wrist and shook her head, “I don’t care what people say about you Joel. I don’t. I told you that I loved you and I meant it. Whatever happened in your past was your past. All I know is that I love you. I love you with everything that I am.”

Something about her words was making him emotional with his eyes burning over with tears. His Adam’s apple bounced in his throat with him forcing himself to look away from her. Before he could even respond, there was a disgusted breath coming from behind them.

“That’s real fucking sweet honey, but you might want to consider the man standing before you is poison,” Seth’s voice returned causing Y/N to let out a frustrated breath when she turned on her heel to see the silver haired man pulling on his jacket as he left the house. “Just ask anyone who is in his life. You should probably do your research before you decide to spend forever with someone.”

“Haven’t you had enough?” Y/N snapped at Seth stepping forward when he got to the bottom step. An amused smirk tugged at his features when Y/N shook her head. “Are you out just to make people miserable? People have empathy for you and you decide to use that as an excuse to be an asshole? You didn’t have to follow us out here.”

“I wasn’t following you out here sweetie. Baby Miller and his wife just threw me out,” Seth explained, pointing back toward the house and now it made sense where the screaming was coming from. “I was just leaving and heard what you said. I however do have empathy for you which is why I’m telling you this. Joel Miller is poison. He’s a horrible person that ruins the lives of anyone near him. Which is why I’m saying this. You don’t deserve that.”

“Shut up,” she warned Seth, shoving into his chest when he took a step forward noticing that Joel was in a vulnerable state. In that moment, Seth was taking advantage of it in the best way he knew how.

“Honey, I’m not saying anything that isn’t true,” Seth defended himself, throwing his hand up in the direction of Joel. “There is a reason people are scared of Joel here. They either respect him or they avoid him out of fear. Just ask him about Tommy. Tommy was a fucking mess when he came to town. And it was his brother’s fault. Or why don’t you ask him about his dead girlfriend that he had back in Massachusetts. The one that he got in trouble with? Ask him about how she got in the crossfires of a bad deal that they were running. Ask Ellie, he poisoned her life too. She wouldn’t even talk to him for months because of his disgusting past. I guess the best example would be Joel’s dead daughter. Why don’t you tell her about that Joel? How you being a shitty father led to your daughter’s death. How about we talk about the men you hurt? Or better yet the man you killed?”

That struck the fire inside of Joel with him approaching Seth who looked like he was fully ready to have a fight. Placing her hand in over the center of Joel’s chest, Y/N knew that Joel had every right to attack this man but she didn’t want Seth getting what he obviously wanted in this moment.

“I’m guessing you knew none of that, right?” Seth confirmed, looking to Y/N and avoiding that Joel was in his face looking like he was ready to rip the limbs from his body. “There is a reason Joel would avoid telling you those things sweetheart.”

Grunting out, Joel shook his head. There was anger and rage flooding through his veins, but he wasn’t about to let this asshole bait him into doing what he wanted. Turning on his heel, he headed for the gate again. Instead of reacting to the things Seth said, Joel was leaving. And that left her furious for him, “Go fuck yourself Seth.”

Going to follow Joel, she heard Seth scoff out with him following them toward the exit, “I was just trying to warn you, y’know? But I can’t help that for some reason you decided to be a slut and sleep with someone you only just met. How you fell in love with him is…”

A moment later, Joel was spinning around on his heel. Somehow he managed to get completely around Y/N before stepping in front of Seth who looked happy to see that he got Joel’s attention, “What? Does it bother you that I called your girlfriend a slut? Everyone knows what she said at the bar that night Joel. Things get around fast in town.”

“You’re a pathetic, small man,” Joel insisted, his eyes narrowing with his breathing incredibly broken. Beside him, Joel’s fists were clenched at his sides and he shook his head slowly. “It must destroy you that someone like me could find love because you never will. You’re a pathetic, hateful, old man that no one likes or cares for. And when you die, not a single soul will care that you are gone Seth. Cus’ you’re trash. You’re scum. You filled this world with so much hate, that people will be glad that you’re gone. The world will be a better place when you finally leave it.”

With an angered sound, Seth reared back and hit Joel who barely seemed effected. He just turned his head with the hit. Turning his attention back to Seth, Joel nodded his head and grunted, “Thank you.”

Gasping out, Y/N watched Joel tackle Seth onto the hard pavement leaving her surprised when Joel hit Seth with several punches. Considering what to do, she stepped forward and called out Joel’s name. Turning his head, Joel’s dark eyes narrowed and he cleared his throat. Lowering his fist, Joel frowned and started to get up from the ground.

Instead of just accepting that the fight was over, Seth tried to scramble to his feet to fight further with Joel, but Y/N was doing her best to press into Joel’s chest to get him to back up. In that moment, his swing that was meant for Joel connected with the side of Y/N’s face and it had her stumbling back into Joel who caught her.

“Oh, fuck…” she hissed out at the pinging sensation that was in her face. Pushing herself up from Joel’s arms she could see that Seth was as white as a ghost, clearly shocked that he had hit her instead. Without saying a thing, she reared back and firmly punched Seth in the center of the face leaving a cracking sound filling the air. “You fucking asshole.”

“You stupid bitch,” Seth blurt out, pulling his hand away from his face to see that she had undoubtedly broken his nose. It looked like Seth was about to advance at her when Joel shoved his way between them. And any chance of Joel stopping now was gone.

So quickly Joel had gotten Seth down onto the ground where both of them were throwing fists. Although it was no use because Joel was so much stronger than Seth. Seth’s face was proof of that. It was a short amount of time, but it was enough for Joel to do incredible damage before Tommy was wrapping his arms around Joel’s waist dragging him back through the snow. Ellie had stepped between them holding her hands up trying to get Joel to calm himself.

In his eyes, it was obvious that Joel was lost to rage with his breathing labored. One of Maria’s family members was checking on Seth while Y/N moved in beside Joel to try to calm him. Seth was slurring out swear words and threats with Tommy trying to order his brother to let it go.

“I’m calling the police. He’s going to jail for assault,” Seth threatened, clearly throwing out the one thing that he was attempting to get from Joel this whole time. “You’re going to jail this time Joel. And you’re not going to get out of it.”

“Good luck with that one,” Maria’s voice called out from the porch drawing her family member to move away from Seth back over to her. “I have cameras installed. And from the window I saw you hit Joel first. And then you hit Y/N. As far as I’m concerned? It was self-defense. And I’ll provide the video to prove it. We welcome you into our home Seth and this is the shit you pull? Unbelievable.”

Spitting out the blood that was in his mouth, Seth dropped back into the snow and whispered what Y/N was pretty sure was a few choice words he had for Maria. Hissing out, Joel pulled away from Tommy and Y/N watched as he pushed open the gate to walk across the street toward his home. Tommy and Ellie looked panicked about everything.

Moving to Seth, Y/N stared down at him. Blood covered his face and it was obvious that he would be swollen later. Reaching up, she dragged her finger over her bottom lip where there was blood from her split lip that Seth’s hit had given her. Grunting out, she brought her foot into Seth’s ribs making him groan out with her hit. Shaking her head, she moved around Seth to head for Joel’s home. From the corner of her eye she could see that both Tommy and Ellie were shocked to see what she had done. But she didn’t care.

Heading back to Joel’s home, she let out a surprised sound when she found Joel at the door with a first aid kit and a pack of frozen peas, “Joel?”

“Come here,” Joel reached for her hand, getting the door shut before he led her back toward the couch in the living room. Urging her to sit down, he moved in beside her and prepared everything. Faintly grabbing at her face, he looked her over before reaching for the first aid kit. Cleaning up her split lip, Joel frowned and she could see that he was upset. “More than anything I wanna kill him for hittin’ you.”

“I kicked him in the ribs for it as I was leaving,” she informed him, a lump growing in her throat with how delicately he was cleaning her up and taking care of her. By the way he didn’t respond, she wondered if he even heard her. He was so locked in on her being hurt that she could tell he was only focused on that. After he was done, he reached for the bag of frozen peas and placed it over her face where Seth hit her. “Joel?”

Swallowing down hard, Joel had a hard time looking at her while he took care of her, “Please, I can see it in your face that you’re thinking bad things. I’m okay.”

“You got hit because of me,” his voice was broken, his jaw flexing when she lifted her hand to curl her fingers around his wrist. Grasping both his hands in hers, she caressed her fingers over the back of his hands realizing his knuckles were bloodied. “It was my fault.”

“It was Seth’s fault,” she corrected Joel, shaking her head when she realized where this was headed. “Not yours. I inserted myself into something and he was an asshole. He should have kept his mouth shut is what he should have done.”

“He’s not wrong about me Y/N,” his hands were tremoring with her gentle caress over his battered hands. What Seth had said had visibly shaken him up and he shrugged his shoulders. “I’m poison. I really am. And I was a fool to think that I wouldn’t hurt you because…”

“Hey,” she tried to calm him, reaching her left hand up to palm in over the side of Joel’s face. Misery flooded into his dark eyes and she shook her head. “We’ve already talked about this. You can’t poison me, I’m a doctor,” with a half smirk, she tried to get him to smile, but it wasn’t working this time. “I’ve got remedies for that kind of shit.”

“I’m being serious,” Joel stressed to her, but she didn’t really care what he was saying. They had been on this topic many times already.

“So am I Joel,” she frowned, releasing a saddened breath when he let go of her hands and lowered his head down. Cupping his face in her hands again, she forced him to look at her and she could see that he was crying. “I don’t care. I don’t care what you did. I don’t care who you did what to. I love you. And some asshole isn’t going to change that.”

“But loving me is gonna get you hurt,” he released a noise that sounded like a whimper. How he looked broke her heart. It looked like he was on the verge of having a break down and that was the last thing she wanted. “I loved my daughter Sarah more than anything in the world. She was the best thing that ever happened to me. When her mom took off on us, I promised I would do everything to take care of her. And I couldn’t keep that promise. I…”

“You don’t have to do this,” she assured him, sweeping her fingers over the sides of his face when he started to cry. Yesterday when Maria showed her the photo booklet she had learned that Joel lost his daughter tragically, but she didn’t want to force him to experience that pain. “You don’t have to explain things to me. The last thing I want you to do is hurt yourself telling me things because I love you.”

“And that’s why you deserve to know,” he stressed to her, leaning into her touch. His breathing was labored, his southern drawl growing deeper as he started to speak again. “I know Maria told you about Sarah. I was in the hallway yesterday when she did.”

There seemed to be a sense of panic that flooded through her when Joel shook his head, “Sarah’s mother abandoned us when she was a baby. Took off on the both of us. I tried to be the best father I could be, but I was working all the time. I was taking care of us. I was running my own business. I was just barely keeping our heads above water. Tommy was a fucking mess and I had to take care of him too. I was having to bail him out of jail consistently at that time. We lost our parents young and we didn’t have a good relationship with them. I did everything I could to help Tommy, but he had this savior complex. He had gone off to the war and he was getting in so much trouble. I did my best, but I was drowning. Life was so hard.”

Joel’s voice was breaking causing him to stop speaking every so often in attempts to control himself. A lot of the relationship between Tommy and Joel was making sense now with him opening up to her about their past, “And I wasn’t the best father I could have been. In a lot of ways Sarah was taking care of me. On my birthday when I had just turned thirty-six…”

That was where Joel broke, his head dropping down into his palm and she didn’t know how to respond with him growing so emotional, “I had to work all day. I came home to find that she went to the city all on her own to get the band on my watch fixed. I was always late to things and I kept complainin’. I was supposed to bring a cake home to celebrate, but I forgot. We fell asleep watching movies together. I was so tired that I didn’t wake up when Tommy kept calling me. He got himself in trouble again and he was coming over to talk. He needed someone to talk to. She picked up the phone and she just wanted me to be able to sleep cus’ I wasn’t sleeping well. She just went outside to go wait for Tommy. She was shooting some baskets and this drunk asshole was racing down our street. Her ball rolled into the middle of the street and he didn’t stop…”

Sliding closer beside Joel, she could hear his crying by now and he had to stop completely. He was shaking, and she leaned in to hold him. Right now there was nothing she could do to console him other than wrap him up in her arms.

It took a while until he could finally get the strength to speak up again, “Tommy saw it happen. The guy fucking took off. And he didn’t know whether to chase after the guy or help Sarah. But he stayed with Sarah and got me. That son of a bitch hit my baby and just took off. My baby died on my birthday because I was too exhausted to wake up and answer my damn phone. She just wanted to be there for Tommy and…”

“Joel, I am so sorry,” she stroked her fingers through his messy hair wanting to comfort him, but she knew there was no way she could ever ease that pain for him. Everything about Joel suddenly made sense to her, but it still broke her heart to hear. Especially with it happening on his birthday. “But that wasn’t your fault.”

“But it was,” Joel refused to believe that, his voice breaking when he shook his head and pulled slightly away from her. “So many factors led to that happening. And it’s all on my shoulders. I just lost it after I lost her. The guy that hit her was found. And he was drunk as a skunk. Blasted off his ass. It was his fault, but somehow he got the minimal amount of time when it came to punishment because he knew people. I didn’t think it was fair. My life fell apart. I drank, I tried…I tried killing myself, but I just couldn’t. And then when I found out this guy was released from jail? I became obsessed with him. I wanted him dead. He didn’t deserve to breathe the air he was, he killed my baby girl.”

“And I’d want him dead too,” she reasoned with him, realizing that in the same situation she would likely do the same thing he did. Thinking about things, it began to strike her just how alike they were. Her family died in a car crash that she blamed herself for and his daughter died in a way he blamed himself. “I’d do the same thing Joel.”

“No, you don’t understand. I’d follow him. And the son of a bitch was still drinking and driving. Risking other people’s babies out there, putting them in harm’s way with the way he was driving. He wasn’t even supposed to be driving anymore. But he was. I followed this man every night preparing myself to kill him. I was gaining the courage to do it. It shouldn’t have taken as long as it did,” he explained to her, holding his hand out and waving it about while he spoke. There was passion in his words and he shook his head. “On the night I decided I was finally gonna do it, I found him assaulting a woman. So I went nuts. I beat the hell outta him. And I could have killed him that night, but this time? He couldn’t get away with almost killing a woman. At the last minute I decided to stop and call the police. He was gonna go to jail for real this time for what he had done. It still wasn’t justice, but it would be longer. Multiple women stepped forward after he got in trouble. He was gonna go away for a long time. They had put him in an ankle monitor while awaiting trial. He found out who I was and decided if he was gonna go to jail he was gonna go for what he considered a good reason. So he broke into my home. He had a shotgun with him and I fought him off with a baseball bat that ended up breaking in our fight. I had the upper hand. I was choking the life outta him and I woulda killed him. But then he took the broken handle of the bat and somehow stabbed me with it. It’s how I ended up with the scar on my stomach. I was bleeding profusely because it got pulled out…”

“I understand why you killed him Joel,” she repeated, realizing that he was having the hardest time continuing. His dark eyes were so upset and she didn’t want him to have to go through all this pain in telling her what happened. “You don’t have to tell me how you killed him because…”

“He didn’t,” a voice interrupted her causing her to lift her head to see that Tommy was standing at the entrance of the room with his hands buried in his pockets. Joel turned pale with Tommy saying what he had. Shifting on his feet, Tommy looked down almost ashamed. “I was staying with Joel back then cus’ I was scared he would kill himself. I saw what was happening when I got home. I grabbed the shotgun and when he went to kill my brother I shot him. My brother never killed no one. But the police would have hammered me if they found out I did it. I was a trained soldier. I knew where to shoot him just to knock him down. Stop him from killin’ Joel, but I shot him and killed him.”

“Tommy,” Joel’s voice rumbled with Tommy getting emotional himself. There were tears sliding down Joel’s face with Joel shaking his head.

“No Joel. It’s time someone knew the truth. It was my fault that Sarah was outside. I watched that son bitch hit Sarah. I watched my niece die in my brother’s arms. The man was about to kill the only family I had left. So I killed him without thinkin’ about it. Joel knew they’d hit me hard for it cus’ of my past. I had gotten in trouble so much that he took the fall for everything. He staged it to make it seem like he was the one that killed the guy in self-defense. They didn’t punish him cus’ of all the evidence they had on that son of a bitch.”

“Tommy,” Joel whispered, his face twisting with confusion as Tommy stepped forward and shook his head slowly.

“I know Joel, we both agreed we’d never say that again, but she needs to know you’re a good man. And so do you,” Tommy defended his brother, seemingly upset that everything led to this. “Sarah wasn’t your fault. And you knew that for a while. You were so mad at me because it was my fault. I was the one always getting in trouble. She was outside cus’ of me. Waiting for me. If I hadn’t called she would have never gotten hit. And then after I killed that guy, I should have never abandoned you, but I did. I was messed up and I found this place. I healed and you went into a spiral because you had no one. You got mixed up in some bad shit and it was my fault. Not yours. And no one knows it because you never let them know it. You carry the burden and the weight of something that was never yours to carry in the first place. Sarah wasn’t your fault. You aren’t a murderer. Yeah, you beat the hell outta some guys, but they fucking deserved it for what they did to Tess. You’ve had a hard life, but you remain to live for others. You take care of others. You can’t let this shit destroy you.”

There was a silence that fell over them and Y/N reached out to caress over Joel’s shoulder in a loving way as Tommy started to speak again, “I told Maria. A while ago. I should have told you, but I couldn’t keep lyin’ to her. I couldn’t keep lyin’ to myself. Now two people in the world know beyond us.”

“I…” Joel looked between Tommy and Y/N and he almost dropped his head in shame. “I’d like to be alone for a while if that’s okay.”

“Yeah,” Tommy looked shocked that was what Joel requested of him, but he gave a small nod. Swallowing down hard, Tommy didn’t want to get emotional to the point that this became about him. He was doing his best to hold back on his own tears. “I’ll leave the two of you alone together.”

“No,” Joel called out to Tommy, his dark eyes locking with Y/N’s when he let out a tremoring breath. “I want you both to leave. I wanna be alone. I need to be to myself right now to think about things. So would you please take her with you. Take her back to the inn.”

“Joel?” she frowned as he slid out from beneath her touch, surprising her with his movements. “I don’t think right now is the best time for you to be alone. With your past and the way…”

“I’m not gonna hurt myself, I promise,” Joel stopped her immediately, trying to put her worries at ease. “I wouldn’t do that to the people I love and care about. Just please. I need to be alone right now. So please leave. Please.”

“Joel, I agree with her that you shouldn’t be alone,” Tommy grunted from where he was standing, pointing his hand out toward Y/N. “The last thing you need right now is to be alone.”

“If you love me, if you truly love me…” Joel started, his teary eyes looking to hers when he gave her a nod, “then you will leave right now with Tommy. You can come back in the morning, but right now. I need time alone.”

“Joel,” she tried to speak again, but he hushed her. Standing up from the couch, he headed for the stairs. Sitting there, she didn’t know what to do as he headed to his bedroom and they heard him close the door behind him. “Tommy? What do I do?”

“I…I don’t know,” Tommy frowned, shakily sweeping his fingers through his long hair realizing this was something he had no answer for. “I don’t know what’s the right thing to do here Y/N. I just don’t.”

----

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