#getting them so freaking dirty that they will probably never get clean again

[iveneverbeenmorestressedinmylife]

Y'all don't understand how much i need to gatekeep hello kitty. Call this my toxic trait.

[saltwaterburns]

Hi, hi can you please do SFW and NSFW ALPHABET for Wolverine/Logan???💕💕💕👹

NSFW alphabet for LOGAN HOWLETT/WOLVERINE

This contains 18+ content, read at your own risk

SFW alphabet (coming soon)

a/n: My take on what kind of a freak logan is, winkwink

A = Aftercare (what they're like after sex)

He comes inside you with a deep groan (could absolutely be mistaken for a growl) and I feel like what happens next depends on his mood. Sex with him is never just sweet and sensual, most of the time it's a primal fuck, so if it was angry/posessive or anything like that, he'd stay inside you until he's soft like butter again (I don't think he ever actually gets soft, though... this man has stamina), plugging you full of his cum so you won't waste a drop. He'll wrap his hands around you, pull you to his bare and so, so warm chest and hold you until you fall asleep. If it was a bit sweeter then he'd pull out, give you a forehead kiss and get a nice fluffy towel from the bathroom, wiping your trembling thighs clean. If he remembers he'll clean himself off too but i feel like he'll sometimes forget

B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partners)

He likes your hands. They're cute, they fit into his, they pull at his hair as he goes down on you, they play with his cock, they play with your clit, they claw at the sheets, they cover your mouth so you won't wake the whole building with your sounds, you get the gist. He really does like them for other stuff too - he likes how gentle they are with him.

As for himself, I'm having a bit of trouble. Maybe his arms? Dick? Jesus, this is a hard one. His arms cause they carry you and all the little things you buy but they can also protect you. (He has a love hate relationship with his claws, i shall dive into that someday but not now). His dick because he absolutely loves making you cock and pleasure drunk. What do you think?

C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)

He loves cumming on your tits and then seeing you scoop it up and feed it to yourself, cheeks hollowed like they were around his cock 10 minutes ago. Sometimes after a particularly intense session he just stares at your glistening heat and the way you're clenching and unclenching, his seed dripping out and he feels himself getting hard, again

D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

I don't think this man has dirty secrets, per se. His sex life to me at least is an open book. Because he's been around for a long time, he's probably experienced and experimented a lot. Maybe that he's into anal play? Because he so is.

E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they're doing?)

I think he might be one of the most experienced men in the world. He has fucked his fair share of women over the years so he absolutely knows what he's doing and how to do it, he's an expert in pleasuring a woman. If you've been together for a while he will memorise your body like the palm of his hand

F = Favorite position (this goes without saying)

Doggy 100%. He's so gripping your hips to the point that his handprints are almost permanently bruised onto your skin. He also loves spreading your ass cheeks and dipping his thumb into your other hole just to tease and watch you squirm (both from embarrassment and pleasure)

G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)

He's a grumpy, troubled old man, so sex will be intense. He'll only chuckle/grin/laugh just to mock you, and when you've done a particularly good job then he'll offer you a rare smile

H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)

He is so hairy but in a sexy way. Definitely not clean shaven down there, but trimmed. Very prominent happy trail, hairy pecs, hairy arms

I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)

He isn't a person who connects well with his own feelings so there won't be any of that mumbo jumbo as he's balls deep inside you, but he will press occasional kisses onto your skin before, during and after

J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)

As long as he's got you I don't think he really masturbates. The most I can see him doing is jacking off while you're on your knees so he can cum on your tits

K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)

From the top of my head - daddy kink, size kink, dirty talk, breeding kink, breath play, brat taming, (spit play), spanking !!!!

L = Location (favorite places to do the do)

Not necessarily at home, but on a bed/sofa/etc. (so you're comfy as he destroys your insides). In private because you're his and his only, no one needs to see you in compromising positions

M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)

You, honestly. You being a brat, you begging, you looking nice, you being domestic, you being kind, just you

N = No (something they wouldn't do, turn offs)

He doesn't really have turn offs, but an immediate no is hurting you with his claws. As much as you might beg him to indulge in knife (claw) play, the most he'll do is rip your clothes off with them. He is so, so scared of hurting you and seeing genuine fear in your eyes because you're too kind, too sweet for him anyway

O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

He likes both. He loves eating pussy, he's a pussy eating champ, he'll pull you to sit on his face, burning your inner thighs with his scratchy beard but he'll also never say no to you gagging and slobbering all over his massive cock (mr. wolverine, the size kink is calling)

P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)

Fast. And. Rough. Primal. Carnal. Animalistic. Growling, biting, scratching.

Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

No. Logan wants to take his time with you, really fuck you and claim you, bruise and mark you. It's either all out or nothing with him

R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)

As I mentioned before, he's experimented a lot during his lifetime, but if you want to try something new he'll most likely say yes (as long as it doesn't involve you hurting)

S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)

He might be old and salt & peppery and grumpy but oh my god can he fuck. 5 rounds straight at least, then maybe a cigar and then another 3. He usually comes right after you because the way your pussy clenches around his dick during your orgasm is enough to send any man jizzing their pants

T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)

This doesn't really go under toys but he might indulge in letting you tie his hands up to the bed frame with a silk tie but you know as well as i do that when things get serious, he won't even have to move a muscle to "break" free. As for toys like vibrators, wands and etc. he doesn't really know about them or care for them

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

Very. Teasing and edging you is his favourite hobby. Riling you up, teasing your cute little clit with his thick fingers or his mouth just to pull away right as you're about to reach the peak gives him serotonin

V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

Fuck meeeeeee mister Wolverine. He's not that loud but definitely will give you a few sounds, he loves to dirty talk (read as: growl) but mostly he's just grunting and chuckling at you

W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character)

I thought long and hard about this, so, here you go! He's lowkey into Wade, so he isn't particularly against having a threesome. If he's single, then he wouldn't exactly mind having a threesome with Wade and Wades girl, showing Wade how to properly pleasure a woman. If he finds himself achingly hard as you're jacking Wafe off, it's totally not because he's imagining himself doing that, absolutely not you freak !!!!

If Wade is the single one then he'd be slightly more reluctant but you will find yourself between the two men with Wades cock ramming into your pussy and Logans cock stretching your ass

X = X-ray (let's see what's going on under those clothes)

He's fucking packing. Long && thick. I don't really know penis sizes i'm so sorry so imagine like a borderline massive dick. Rock hard abs, of course. Deliciously hairy pecs, wide shoulders, big. Goddamn. Arms. Biteable thighs

Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

Sex to him is an outlet, a massive one at that, so i'd say his sex drive is quite high. It isn't the answer to everything, though. He has good days and bad days, bad days mostly meaning that he's in a vicious mood and wants to punch rather than fuck

Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

If we're being a bit humorous then he'll fuck you long and hard, clean you up, give you a kiss, smoke a ciggy and start snoring. But he's not sleeping!!!! He's resting his eyes, dummy. If we're being serious then because he's a mutant of immense power and regenerative abilities then realistically he wouldn't be tired out. If you can stay up for that long then he'll get you some water and just hold you, enjoying the moment of peace

- Thank you so much for reading! As always, this is just how I imagine him. I've been influenced by countless of works here on Tumblr and countless of super steamy tiktok edits, so you're absolutely entitled to your own ideas ❤️

[igotanidea]

Not trying: Dick Grayson x reader

She was not trying to get his attention.

And anyone who would even come as close as to suggest that, was being scoffed at, almost laughed at, and brushed off using the classic argument of her being too busy to deal with stupid gossip.

But people were not stupid.

And definitely not the GCPD detectives and officers, of which Y/N had the pleasure to be one.

There was no way to miss the days when she was dressing differently, trying to look pretty. Days that happened to be the ones when Dick was having an office duty and wasn’t on field.

Days when she was sad and internally calling herself off when it turned out he took an unexpected day off or something kept him outside the precinct.

Days when she was faking a smile just so he wouldn’t think she was weak or something.

She was not weak.

She was human.

And in this particular case, being human came with falling in love out of the blue with the guy that couldn't care less, because –spoiler alert!- you cannot possibly plan love.

So she was hurting and cursing that part of her that made her keep on trying over and over again.

Spending days at work, full of energy not trying to get his attention, and evenings in front of TV wishing and praying for this hope to just go away and never come back. It was simply heartbreaking to have it regrow every morning just to tear it away at the end of the day.

Like freaking Prometheus with his liver.

But there was one thing similar between them.

They both suffered because of love for humanity – or in her case – one particular human.

***

It was like that for months now, and finally, all those self-doubts and sadness took over her completely.

So at work, she was avoiding people. She closed herself in her office, deciding to put that teary attitude to use to do some cleaning and remove old files.

Clean space, clean head right?

And those tears that finally started falling down her cheeks were definitely going to be helpful with dusting.

She was crying at work.

How pathetic was that?

But it was okay. It was okay. It was okay.

But now that she'd finally let her tears out, she couldn't stop, as though it was a build-up of all the times she'd held the tears in and her body just wasn't having it anymore.

And since life has a tendency to play mean tricks on people, the moment when she looked like a panda with smudged mascara and red nose that would put Rudolph the Red-nosed reindeer to shame was the exact moment her office door opened with a loud thud and the Chief walked inside.

“Y/L/N. You good?” he muttered, torn between his boss-like attitude and sudden awkwardness upon seeing one of his best detectives in such a state.

“Uh-huh. Yeah. Yeah, I’m perfect. Why?”

“Um…” the man looked at her dirty, teary face that was speaking for itself. “No reason at all. At all.”

“Is there anything I can do for you,” she inquired as she grabbed some tissues and wiped the stains away – or so she thought – actually making it worse.

“We got a crime scene. You’re going.”

Little did she know, her boss was having second and third and even fourth thoughts about putting her into investigation in this state, but no one else was available. And – to add to his desperation – the first clues were pointing to the crime of vengeance which were her specialty.

“Great. I’m coming.” She instinctively grabbed her gun from the shelf, but before it ended in her holster the boss capably took it from her, shaking his head.

“No.”

“But-“

“Y/L/N this is an order. You are not to take it.”

“But how am I supposed to-?”

“You can take Grayson.”

“WHAT!?”

“In fact, you both will be assigned to this case. This boy needs to get his head out of his ass. Maybe you’ll be the one to teach him some humility.”

“Huh. Yeah…” she stuttered with the greatest amount of sarcasm in her head. Because the woman who was In love with a man was definitely not going to add to his ego, even if only subconsciously. 

***

“Y/N!” Dick grinned, which would probably be a little less weird if he was not standing in front of a dead body.

“Grayson,” she muttered, sticking hands in her pockets, putting on the most indifferent face expression possible.

“You look different” he looked at her with an insightful look.

“Now that’s quite an observation, detective.” She mocked back. Anyone would notice her make-up less state, bloodshot eyes, disheveled clothes,  and messy hair.

“Were you busy in that little office of yours?”

“The hell, Grayson?!” Y/N instinctively reached for the gun, but obviously did not find it and sighed in frustration. Screw her boss.

“Whoa! No need to get defensive. You just look a little – I don’t know – left high and dry?”

“I swear to God, if you don’t cut that bullshit, you’ll be the next one ending up in a body bag.”

“You wanna come at me, detective?” he smirked.

“Why am I being punished with working with you…” She grabbed the bridge of her nose, squeezing it, sensing the massive migraine coming.

“Cause you’re clearly the only one who can make me get my head out of my ass.”

“Nice. Chief told you that too?”

“Nah, I just bugged your office.”

“You do realize that’s illegal, right?”

“I’ve been authorized.”

“Oh yeah? By who?”

“By my human instincts and care for my friend.” He reached for her hand and squeezed it in a gesture that was supposed to be reassuring. “You’ve been sad lately and –” the brush of his hand on hers made her shiver and – despite everything she did not want to do – take a step back.

“Let’s focus on work shall we?” She moved to talk to the CSI and technicians to get details about the traces and the technicalities.

“Yeah, if that’s what you want.” He shrugged “But you are boring!”

She was not boring, merely trying to save herself from any more possible heartbreak – or worse – ridicule.

***

A few weeks later, with the investigation still on, they were both buried to their necks in paperwork, searching for dots and connections and any possible explanations and seemingly invisible tracks their culprit may have left.

And working together involved late nights spent together at the precinct, countless nights of Chinese takeout and getting closer, which was both a curse and a blessing.

Blessing because she learned a lot of little details about him. Like for example that he wasn’t just the son of a billionaire who was playing a cop. Like how he actually wanted to separate himself, make a name for himself and not be only known as “the adoptive alumni of Bruce Wayne.” Like underneath all that goofy act he was actually deeply caring and involved in his work, in helping people and making the city a safer place. Like his eyes were sparkling every time he mentioned his siblings or how his mouth twitched in restrained laughter when she said something that was sarcastically funny.

And a curse, because all those little details only made her fall for him harder. And even if she skipped on that not-trying-to-look-pretty act, because investigation took much more of her time and effort, the longing was still there.

“So, what is that big brain of yours telling you about this?” he asked, throwing her off her thought that at the moment had little to do with the crime.

“About what?” she muttered, trying to figure out what he was talking about for the last couple minutes before she spaced out.

“The newest evidence obviously!” Dick laughed, rummaging through his box of beef Chinese, putting his feet on the desk.

“Hey, watch out!” Her first reaction was rushing to save the documents from the inevitable sweet and sour sauce stains.

“Relax, Y/N. It’s not like I’m going to mess anything up here.” The chopsticks were thrown up with undeniable capability, swirled in the air and landed back in his hand without any damages done to the files. “See?”

“Show off.”

“And yet, this show off made you distracted, didn’t he,” Dick asked as he leaned forward, meeting her eyes.

Too close!

“For the record—” she started and then her eyes grew wide as a sudden realization hit her. A second later, she was throwing the papers away in a haste to get to something.

“Hey! Whoa! Y/N! What-?”

“Shut up, Grayson!”

“Shit, I really have to set you up with my brother Jason. He needs a girl in his life and you two will bound hard over the love of telling me to cut on the talking and-“

“I said shut up, Grayson!” a bunch of papers hit his face. She couldn’t even bring herself to care that the man she was in love with wanted to set her up with his brother. She just figured out the entire case. All hecause of a pair of chopsticks having been thrown into the air.

“What are you looking for?”

“Here!” she exclaimed happily pointing at some pictures from the crime scenes and an alleged instrument of crime.  “See? We were wrong all along! From the very beginning. This is why he never left any traces!”

“What are you talking about? I don’t-“

“Hush. You don’t need to understand a single thing. Just grab your gun and badge and follow me. Come on, pretty boy, we don’t have much time and I know exactly where we’ll get the perpetrator.”

Dick could only stand there in his feet rooted to the ground, watching Y/N figuring the whole case out, the wheels in her brains turning faster than a race car, face flushing from excitement, pupils dilating.

Pretty and smart, even with her hair in a messy bun and plain clothes on. Or maybe – especially because of that, since jeans and t-shirts could never suppress her natural beauty?

“Grayson! Come on! Don’t freeze on me!”

“Coming,” he replied as her voice slowly reached his ears. He realized there was no way he was going to let her go anywhere alone. Even if he couldn’t understand a single thing from her rambling and running around, the least he could do was to keep her safe.

***

“Are you absolutely sure about it?”

“Are you chickening out?”

“Your hands are shaking, Y/N.”

“That’s why you are the one with a gun.”

“And killer fighting skills.”

“Yeah, you keep telling yourself that.”

“That tone of sarcasm is completely unnecessary, you know. And after we are done please do remind me to introduce you to Jason—”

“Don’t you ever shut up?”

“Don’t you know the answer to that by now?”

Y/N sighed deeply in frustration, fighting the urge to curse at him with the strongest cursing words known to humans. And maybe even inventing a few by herself.

“Seriously, Y/N, are you sure that-?”

“Hush!” she put a palm to his mouth, noticing some movement in front of the house they were currently observing from the camouflaged car. “See that? Told you I was fucking right!”

“There’s no need to brag, you know.” He muttered, his voice muffled due to her hand still on his face.

“Admit it.”

“Admit what?” He looked at her with an incredulous look.

“That I was right.”

“Well for the record, I was the one who made you come into a conclusion-“

“Un-fucking-believable.”

She swiftly left the car, abandoning her need to hear the praise from him to the benefit of catching the culprit that has been invading her waking and sleeping hours alike. She was not going to beg for attention, this time for real, sneaking to the house the criminal ring was clearly having some sort of meeting.

And then, there was the one. Looking like a regular person, even if he was exceptionally handsome, but rotten to the core.

“See? That’s the one who-. Dick?” Y/N turned around, but not spotting her partner anywhere. Fuck! Really?! He was leaving her now?! Of all the times and places?! Now?! Was he really so jealous and self-conceited to not help her finish their joint case?

And here she was, thinking she saw something special in him. Something hidden under the surface.

Stupid heart. After all this time they spent together, seemingly building something, she was right back to the beginning, when she was not trying.

And what was she supposed to do now?

Coming inside alone? Reckless.

Calling for freaking SWAT teams? Before they would get here, the meeting of criminals would be over.

Wait till it was over and chase the leader alone?

Listen to their plan and use it later on?

She was a detective with skills, but not a spy!

And she made that one rookie mistake when leaning too much upwards she was seen.

“Hey! There’s someone outside the window!”

“Oh great…” she muttered and only a quick duck saved her head from being hurt from all the glass shattering due to the bullet fired in her direction.

“Get her! She could be a cop!”

The four men broke from the table, grabber whatever weapons they possibly could and rushed right after her.

“Fuck!” She took off running because despite her agility, speed, and quick thinking she physically was no match to the tank-like men. “Fuck you, boss for taking away my gun permissions!” She hissed to herself, running away. “Fuck you Grayson for leaving me alone! I can’t believe I fell for you!”

“You fell for me?” a familiar teasing voice echoed somewhere from behind, but nowhere to be seen.

And it made her stop.

“Dick?” She turned around to search for him.

And it was another mistake.

An iron grip on her arm and sudden harsh yank back serving as a perfect example of her stupidity.

“I got our little bird.” One of the men laughed maliciously.

“Well, I am not exactly little,” she muttered, rolling her eyes. Her only chance was to tread carefully and hope that stupid fucking Grayson will figure out a way out of this mess. Stupid fucking hope that got her in said mess in the first place.

“Huh?” the goon frowned.

“I said-“

“Let the lady go.” Y/N’s words were cut off abruptly by something that seemed like Dick’s voice, but a little more… distorted?

The hell was going on here?

“I really do advise you to let the lady go.” The same voice said again.

“Oh yeah? And who’s asking me to do so? Show your face unless you are all talk.”

“Seeing me only comes once for certain people. And believe me when I say that most of those encounters end up bad when you cross paths with me.”

A man’s silhouette emerged from a few meters ahead, covered by the darkness of the night. At least at first. But as he moved closer, both Y/N and the goon froze, though either of them for a different reason.

“Shit,” she muttered.

“Nightwing,” the goon hissed, tightening the grip on Y/N.

“Hello to you both. Wonderful night we are having, aren’t we?”

“I could argue with that-“ Y/N rolled her eyes. She was definitely going to have bruises tomorrow. That was, if the most talkative of the city's vigilantes wouldn’t actually cause her to end up dead. 

“Congratulations Nightwing, you got me. But there are much more of us in-“

“In that little hiding spot that’s not even properly hidden? Not sorry to break it to you, but Robin and Red Hood are currently dealing with them.”

“Huh?”

“Not very smart, are you?”

“Hey!”

As the goon was getting distracted, Nightwing (?) sent Y/N a very familiar, discreet look and she nodded almost immediately, and suddenly all the pieces of the puzzle formed one clear picture.

“He’s right, you know. You are not very smart,” she picked up the tone immediately.

“Hey!”

“She is a cop,” Nightwing pointed out.

“She is?”

“Yeah, I am. And since I saw your face, I can absolutely guarantee you, I won’t stop until you are behind bars. Unless-“

“Unless obviously you surrender willingly. Maybe then she can strike a bargain for you?”

“That might actually be a possibility,” Y/N teased. “But I’m not sure. Do you think our fella here deserves to be treated lightly, Nightwing?”

“I’m not sure. Are you hurt, Y/N?”

“Can’t lie that my arm is getting a little sore here. If he keeps holding me like this we might also charge him with violation of physical integrity. That’s 3 to 5 years, I believe?”

“And in this case we’re dealing with assault on a public official. Quite an incriminating circumstance.”

“So what do you think, maximum penalty?”

“And the conspiring charges too.”

“And the murder involvement.”

“I say 15 if not more.”

“I’d say more.”

“You wanna bet?” Nightwing smirked.

“I had nothing to do with the murder!” The goon got a little overwhelmed by the quick-paced exchange of words, of which he couldn’t comprehend half of them, loosening the grip on Y/N. And she was quick to use it against him, finding her leverage in using four sensitive spots to knock the man down.

Half an hour later all four men involved were handcuffed and escorted to the police station. 

And after Y/N made her official oral deposition with a promise to submit a written report first thing in the morning, she was finally left alone for a moment of peace.

“Did you really use that Miss Agent trick?”

“It worked didn’t it?” she crossed arms on her chest, looking at Nightwing in a mocking way, without any sympathy at all.

“You know, most of the ladies I know would be at least a little grateful for me saving them.”

“Mhm. That would actually involve the saving part.”

“Let’s check. You are breathing. You are intact. Clearly neither your tongue nor your brain got damaged. Looks quite saved to me.”

“You left me!”  

“For five minutes! Not my fault you are so terrible at self-defense!”

“Not my fault you are terrible at being open with such secrets!”

“It was to protect you!”

“Dick…” she sighed heavily, daring to whisper his name.

“Y/N…” he responded, taking a few steps forward, taking her hand in the same gesture he did all those weeks ago when they started working this case together.

“I thought we were partners? At work” she added quickly

“You fell for me,” he asks, the left corner of his mouth traveling up.

“Oh, now you have a good memory?”

“Did you?”

“NO!”

“Really? No? That's your final answer. Or maybe it’s not,” he pulled her closer and wrapped arms around her waist, preventing her from running away again.

“Yes. I mean, no! I mean- damn it…”

“So, if I were to commit the act of violating the physical integrity of a public official...” he leaned forwards. “what would you say Y/N?”

“What happened to me meeting your brother?”

“I said you have to meet him. Never said why.”

“Oh? And why?” she smirked looking from above his arm to check if they were alone.

“To make him jealous, obviously.”

She chuckled softly, checking the surroundings once more, before slowly reaching to remove his mask and meeting those pretty blue eyes and familiar face.

“Hello there.”

“Hello to you too.”

Their lips were now inches away from each other.

“Which brother are we talking about? Red Hood? Heard he’s hot…”

“Do you ever shut up?” Dick grinned before leaning forward and finally capturing those lips he’s been dreaming about for weeks now.

And kissing her was effortless.

Like he was not trying at all.

[rottenpumpkin13]

AGSZC who has the messier room? the cleanest?

Sephiroth and Genesis are the neat freaks of the bunch. Angeal is a compulsive cleaner, Cloud doesn't have a choice but to keep his space clean while he's in the army, and Zack is relatively clean and keeps his space organized....he just has his days. Like the time Angeal said he would inspect Zack's room as soon as he got back from his mission, but the room was no where near ready to be seen by human eyes.

*LOCATION: the land where organization goes do die, a.k.a Zack's bedroom*

Zack: Man, this is bad! Angeal comes back in three hours! How am I gonna get all this cleaned up by then??

Cloud: Relax. It's not even that bad.

Zack: Really?

Cloud: Totally. Lots of people have...a fort made out of pizza boxes, a deflated basketball used as a cereal bowl and....is that—is that a Sephiroth cardboard cutout tucked in your bed??

Zack: Shh, he's sleeping.

Cloud:

Cloud: Okay, there's no other way to do this. You need help.

Zack: I do.

Cloud: Which means we have to bring in experts to get the job done.

Zack: .....oh no....not THEM!

Cloud: Yes, them.

-

*Cloud opens the door*

Cloud: Oh good, you're here.

*Sephiroth and Genesis are standing there with cloths around their heads, surgical masks, yellow gloves, and all the cleaning supplies in the world*

Sephiroth: We heard there was bacterial growth.

Genesis: And uncleanliness.

Sephiroth, holding up his label maker: And objects that need to be organized, labeled and filed.

Genesis: And an opportunity to use my brand new disinfectant.

Zack: Wow, guys, I really appreciate this and all, but it's a heavy job. Are you sure you're willing to help without freaking out?

*They move inside the apartment*

Sephiroth: Nonsense, Zack. No job is too hard when it helps a friend.

Genesis: Yeah, and besides, it can't be that bad.

*Cloud opens the door to hell*

Genesis: OH MY GOD HOW IS THIS POSSIBLE?

Sephiroth: THE Ḅ̂ͬ̐ͪ̑͌A͔̗͚͍͛̈̂̒͟͢͝ͅ_̵̡̰̫ͤͬͧ͟͟C̘̫͌̆ͦͧ͌̓̄̚T̴Ē̡̛͕͈͓̬̮̐ͩ̓̈ͥ͂͆ͧ̓ͫ͜R̵̡̡̳̩̻͍̠͍̫̙̥̗̻͙̼͉ͪ̏̅ͥͭ̈́͛̂̄́ͦ͗͛͂ͧͤ͊̕͡Í̶̸͕͎̮̩̤͍̹̻̬̩̂ͭͫ͌̀̏̇̇ͮ̇͋̄̀ͮͪͧ͠͞Á̸̧̢̡̘͈̝͙̻͙̖͍͍̖̉ͮ̕͞ͅ

Zack: YOU SAID YOU WOULDN'T FREAK OUT!

Genesis: We're not freaking out. This is....normal.

Zack: Really?

Sephiroth, walking inside the room: Yes, it's completely fine and healthy to not be able to see your own floor—*Sephiroth trips on broken bongos and face plants into a pile of stuffed animals*

Zack: Hey! My bongos! I was wondering where those went.

Genesis: See? We're organizing things already.

Sephiroth, resurfacing with a cat plushie: I'm taking this one as payment.

-

*Cloud is sweeping the floor next to a pile of dirty laundry. Suddenly the pile moves*

Cloud: ...

*The pile moves more*

Cloud, panicking: ...

*The pile moves towards Cloud*

*Cloud yells and starts beating the pile with his broomstick*

*Cait Sith jumps out of the pile*

Cloud: !?

Cait Sith: Oh-ho-ho!

*Cait Sith sprints away and out of the room, never to be seen again*

Cloud: What the heck??

Zack, coming up behind him: What?

Cloud: A strange, robot cat was in your laundry just now.

*Sephiroth walks up to the pile of laundry and takes it to be washed*

Zack: Cloud! Don't be mean! Sephiroth is only trying to help!

Cloud:

-

*Genesis opens Zack's closet door to clean, a skeleton dressed in a red leather coat and wig falls on top of him*

Genesis: WHY DO YOU HAVE THIS!?

Zack: Leave Skelesis Bonesodos alone. He isn't hurting anybody.

-

*Cloud is laying down spread eagle on a clean part of Zack's floor after Sephiroth mopped it up*

Cloud: This is so nice. I didn't even know you had heated flooring.

Zack: I HAVE HEATED FLOORING?

Cloud: Yeah, why??

*Zack dives under his bed and pulls out a pile of melted marshmallows*

Cloud: What the hell is that??

Zack: It was my marshmallow Stamp statue. Now it's just a pile of mush!

Cloud: Why would even keep that under your bed? You could attract mice.

Zack: Nah, I've never seen them, so I'm probably good.

*Sephiroth crawls out from under Zack's bed*

Sephiroth: You have the most lovely, welcoming mouse family living underneath your bed.

Zack:

-

Sephiroth: We're almost done here. Zack, why don't you and Cloud go get some fresh air while Genesis and I finish up here?

Cloud: Are you sure?

Genesis: Positive. Besides, only I can add the finishing touches. You boys go have fun.

Cloud: Alright! Come on, Cloud, let's go get Angeal.

*They leave*

*Genesis pulls out a box of scented candles*

Sephiroth: You want to put fire in Zack's bedroom?

Genesis: These candles will set the perfect mood with their apple cinnamon scent. Do you have a lighter?

Sephiroth: No.

Genesis: Does Zack have a lighter?

Sephiroth: Angeal confiscated Zack's lighter after he accidentally set his own eyebrows on fire.

Genesis: Rats.

Genesis: I don't have my bangles with me. Why don't you use your materia to light them while I go get my camera? I want to photograph my work.

Sephiroth: Alright.

*Genesis leaves the room*

Sephiroth: Lighting candles with materia sounds unsafe.

Sephiroth:

Sephiroth: Oh well. What could possibly go wrong?

-

*Zack, Cloud and Genesis are walking back inside Zack's apartment, leading Angeal*

Zack: You're gonna be so proud, Angeal! The room looks spotless!

Cloud: And Zack did it all on his own.

Genesis: HUH?

Zack: Yup! All on my own!

Genesis: MOTHER FUC—*Cloud tackles Genesis to the ground before he can spill the beans*

Angeal: I'm proud of you, buddy. You applied yourself and stayed on track. I can't wait to see how your room looks.

Zack: :)

*Angeal opens the door*

*Angeal closes the door*

Angeal: Call the police.

[steddieas-shegoes]

stay for a while

for @steddielovemonth prompt 'love is being late to work' and for @steddieholidaydrabbles pop-up event for Valentine's Day

rated e | 815 words | tags: post-sex afterglow, dirty talk, established relationship, domestic fluff

💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖

"You gotta go faster," Steve panted.

"I'm not the one riding me, sweetheart," Eddie replied, equally out of breath.

"Put your back into it."

So Eddie gripped Steve's hips and put his back into it.

When Steve collapsed on top of him, Eddie's cum coating both of their stomachs, they both sighed.

This was the first time they'd managed to have sex in nearly a week. Their schedules were awful lately, and any time they did manage to spend together was usually asleep.

But Steve managed to wake up before his alarm this morning and Eddie was already naked and hard and one thing led to another...

"I'm gonna be late if I don't get up and shower," Steve sighed.

He loved his job as a guidance counselor, but the early mornings sucked. Especially when Eddie didn't have to be at work most days until nine.

Maybe he could call in sick or something today.

"I could join you..." Eddie's teeth nipped his neck teasingly. "Work you up while you wash your hair. Suck you off until you can't feel your legs. Maybe fill you up again and lick you clean."

If Steve's cock wasn't trapped between them, it probably would have given a valiant effort at getting hard again.

"Babyyyyy."

"What?" Eddie kissed his jaw. "I just wanna make up for all the time we've missed this week."

"I know," Steve sat up and looked down at Eddie's sweat-slick chest. "It'll be better next week. I won't be on afternoon pick-up duty and won't have senior meetings to go to."

"And I won't be stuck at the studio with this fuckin' singer who thinks I don't have a life outside of him and his lackluster songwriting skills."

Steve smirked. "Tell me how you really feel."

"I would, but I wouldn't wanna ruin the afterglow, Stevie. You look fuckable."

"I look fucked. There's a difference," Steve leaned down to kiss his forehead.

"Not to me," Eddie pouted. "I could fuck you again. Real quick. Won't even know I'm there."

Steve snorted. "Why are you so horny this morning, Jesus Christ."

"Don't blame him. I just always want you. You're like a potato chip: one is never enough."

"Wow. What a line. I'm melting into a puddle," Steve's monotone voice was interrupted by Eddie's loud laugh. "I'm gonna go shower before you try something."

"But...we still have 30 minutes before you have to go."

Steve glanced at the clock, jumping up and yelping when he realized Eddie hadn't even pulled out all the way yet. "Shit!"

"What?"

"I have a senior meeting this morning! I have less than ten minutes!"

Steve tripped getting out of the bed, his legs still wobbly from riding Eddie for the last 15 minutes.

"Reschedule it!" Eddie yelled after him as Steve ran into the bathroom and started the shower. "Call in sick."

"Not happening! It's Hannah; She's freaking out about college applications as if she won't get in everywhere she applies and if I cancel, she'll spiral," Eddie made his way into the shower as Steve spoke, nodding along to his words, but focused mostly on the way the water was dripping down his body as he rushed to wash his hair. "And then I have a faculty meeting with the rest of the counselors to discuss how we'll implement the new afterschool senior study group because the school board said we can't legally call it a study group unless it's 100% sanctioned by the students, which is just incredibly stupid and also not even remotely important! Like, we're just trying to make sure they can pass their finals, why does it matter what we call it?"

Eddie leaned in to kiss Steve's lips softly, just enough of a brush against them to make him pause.

"Sorry," Steve sighed. "Didn't mean to ramble."

"You know I love when you do, Stevie," Eddie smiled at him, grabbing the shampoo bottle from the shelf to get started on his own hair. "I just hate seeing you so stressed. Kinda wanna help relieve that stress some more."

"Baby, I love you, but if you touch my dick right now, I will murder you."

"Ouch," Eddie clutched his hand to his chest. "Straight to murder over a little handjob in the shower?"

"If that's what has to be done for me to get to work on time."

Eddie sighed. "Fine. I won't touch you. But I'm gonna be sad all day about the lost moments we could've shared."

Steve finished rinsing off the soap on his body and turned to give Eddie a quick peck on the lips. "We can share some moments tonight. Promise."

"Okay, okay. Get out before you're late."

Steve was still late for work, but mostly because he still insisted on packing Eddie's lunch while he was in the shower finishing up. No job was more important than that.

[crestfallercanyon]

I think Ian would love when Mickey takes long showers.

The rest of the Gallaghers try to complain, and Ian would shut that shit down immediately. Mickey rarely does something so self-indulgent that isn't, y'know, a violent impulse. This is something that no one else gets to see, this isn't Mickey putting on a toughness show, this isn't anything but Mickey taking care of Mickey and Ian loves that for him. Wants him to have that for as long as he can.

Because here's the thing -- Ian remembers the filthy dirty boy he used to fuck in the Kash and Grab.

While Ian never judged Mickey for it (hell, who hasn't experienced a water shut off or heater shortage in Southside?) he knew that Mickey experienced it worst than most. Half the neighborhood called Mickey smelly for fuck's sake, it was well known that Mickey was not clean.

I also imagine Mickey had to fake-it-til-you-make-it in feeling okay with being that dirty. He stopped taking frequent showers or bothering with any hygiene products because he knew the Milkoviches only had so much hot water (or water in general). Terry got first dibs because if he didn't get what he wanted then his piss-poor mood would dictate how everyone's day's went.

Then, Mickey gave next priority to Mandy. Mandy's a girl, which when he was younger didn't really mean anything to him, until she came home wildly upset about being dirty, about how all the girls wouldn't stop pointing out how awful she smelled, how she got her period and the bloodstains were still in her clothes and she didn't have enough water to clean them out but she didn't have any more clean clothes, and fuck, Mickey realized girls were fucking mean when it came to shit like that, and Mickey never wanted her to deal with that ever again. After that, Mickey made sure Mandy had enough water to stay clean, to be orderly, because Mandy cared and Mandy deserved to feel good about herself.

If his brothers were home, they'd get it next, because they somehow always smelled worse than Mickey did. However, that was rarely a problem, and a lot of the time after Terry and Mandy they didn't really have much left in the tank anyway.

So Mickey learned to not care. Not care about being gross and disgusting and feeling itchy at times. To smell clothes and while it was sharp to his nose it was whatever. So something gave him a rash once, he can fucking live. Everyone seems to look at him like he's even more dangerous when he's filthy, so it comes with its own perks, right? Who cares if some nights he couldn't really sleep. He's a kid, and who fucking cares, he's probably not living that long anyway.

But as Mickey starts having more people care about him (and care more about himself in turn) things change in his head. Even when he comes back in season 7, he is nowhere near as covered in dirt as he was when he was young. And while some of this can be chalked up to not being a kid anymore, that's certainly not most of it. The self-loathing he had no longer manifests so outwardly, he's no longer living in a burn out and die young mindset, and he's got people who he gives a shit what they think about him. He wants to try to like himself the way other people (Ian) likes him. Which means being fucking clean.

So he starts to take long showers. And he realizes that, yeah, he likes the feel of having hot water on him, melting the day away. Likes having the assurance that he can have this without being covered in blood and needing to medically clean out the wound (if he'd even do it then). He likes... taking showers. Being clean. Having clean clothes. And Ian, of course, notices.

So, when Ian can hear Mickey taking a shower, and taking his fucking time and actually taking care of himself, Ian freaking loves it. Doesn't let anyone bother Mickey about the water, doesn't let anyone tell him what soaps to use or not use. It's all for his disposal.

And when Mickey's done, Ian will open the door and join Mickey in with the steamy bathroom. Before Mickey can utter a single word about it (most days he'll try to crack something self-deprecating, not quite broaching sorry but as close as he usually gets; on particularly vulnerable days he will try to genuinely apologize) Ian kisses him. Tells him he smells good. Tells him he looks good. Ian's a big fan of positive reinforcement. He's also a big fan of the smile on Mickey's face when he's feeling good about himself.

Ian of course wishes he could get Mickey to feel good about himself every day, but, it's a work in progress just like everything else. Mickey's got to unlearn a childhood built on the belief that he was barely worth garbage. That takes time. Ian gets it.

An easy place to start, though? Enjoying when his man takes his long hot showers.

[gh0st-t0wn3]

Lmk ss edits + headcanons, Part 4 (Jin & Yin, Ao Lie, Tripitaka, Bai He)

- He/Him, He/They

- Pansexual, Bisexual

- They both have chronic separation anxiety, its why they're never apart; Yin tends to go non-verbal and more withdrawn without Jin, and Jin gets really agressive and paranoid without Yin. 

-  Yin can't sleep if he has nerves, Jin can do nothing BUT sleep if he has nerves

- Jin always forgets something at home, Yin reminded him a hundred times before they left

- Yin doodles on the corner of their blueprint papers whenever they're making something new, Jin cuts them out later and glues them into a sketchbook so they don't get lost

- Jin's hips are constantly covered in bruises because he's always bumping into shit (has NO spacial awareness whatsoever)

- Yin listens to rock music, Jin doesn't have a specific genre

- Somehow are simultaneously the most innocent and dirty minded people, you'll never know what you're gonna get at any given moment

- Yin always finds a way to drown in inch deep water (really bad at swimming)

- ^^^Jin laughs at him

- After they found out Mei and MK didn't like eachother as anything more than friends, they tried to trap him in the calabash again but used Redson to try and seduce him instead, MK immediately knew it was them

- Jin was talking really fast cause he was panicking once and called the Demon accountant "Semon accountant" and has still not recovered

- Yin laughed his ass off when it happened and constantly reminds him of it

- Jin likes his pillow warm (he's insane)

- They both occasionally become self aware and wind up having a weird crisis trying to figure out whether their horns are a part of their skull or something else

- Both are cat people, they're terrified of dogs, being trapped in a room with one is one of their worst nightmares

- Neither of them has clean hair, it is a fucking rock you will not be able to comb that shit out

- Jin rants about new ideas, Yin writes/draws them down

- Yin will bite you if you get near him while he's eating, bro's feral

- Jin stubs his toe atleast three times a day and screams in agony every. Single. Time. Eventually Yin just stopped running to check on him, it's happened so many times that he can distinguish what Jin's scream sounds like specifically when he stubs his toe

- Yin spent several months slowly moving everything in their house slightly to the right everyday, Jin cried cause he thought he was going insane

- Jin smells like cinnamon, Yin smells like caramel (I'm delusional, they both reek)

- Jin's love language is words of affirmation, Yin's love language is quality time

- Yin is terrified of cockroaches, Jin keeps some as pets

- Jin tried to dox Mei during one of her streams, Mei showed up at their house instead, it was terrifying

- The Demon accountant has to use a pressure hose to wash them

- They were banned from the arcade but they kept showing up begging to be unbanned, the staff eventually started feeling bad and let them back in

- Yin always throws out his drawings if they don't turn out how he wanted them to, Jin fishes them out of the trash when Yin isn't looking and keeps them in a sketchbook under his bed

- He/Him

- ??? Bisexual, probably

- Favourite animal is a leaf slug, it just feels right

- Mei's number one supporter

- Ate a strawberry once and found a worm inside, never ate strawberries again

- Constantly bothered Zhu Bajie during their Journey to the west, he thought it was funny seeing him get upset

- "I swear to buddha, if you ask me 'why' one more time" " Why?"

- Wukong pulled a bug out of his hair once and he freaked out and made Tripitaka go through his hair for him

- Heaviest sleeper of the group, when he falls asleep he is OUT,

- Has horrible bed head and his hair takes forever to comb out

- Really bad at math

- Wakes Tripitaka up in the middle of the night to ask the dumbest questions

- Refuses to wear shoes, he's in his horse form for most of their Journey anyway so he doesn't see the point in having any at all

- Would absolutely down a container of melatonin gummies if he had the opportunity

- Had to comfort Wukong while he puked after chugging a gallon of salt water once

- Mei gets her ':3' face from him

- Trips over his hair as much as his sleeves, no matter how much of his hair he ties up somehow it always ends up in his face or under his foot and he's down

- Follow up on the last headcanon, he's tried to cut his hair before to stop this from happening, it did not work, his hair grew back really fast

- He's like a cat, if you tell him not to push something over, he'll push it over

- Favourite colour is actually rose gold, but green is a very close second

- DBK let him hold Redson after the Samadhi removal ritual was over and Ao Lie immediately dropped him (DBK caught him before he hit the ground, but Ao Lie was banned from holding him again)

- Can eat an entire buffet and not gain a single pound

- Smells like Mint

- Love language is physical touch

- Chews on his sleeves when he's bored

- Gets along surprisingly well with Nezha despite Nezha's and Ao Bing's history

- Really good at singing

- Since he's a water Demon, he gets overheated really easily in the sun so whenever they come across any kind of water (river, pond, puddle, etc) he'll just flop sideways and lay there for like 20 minutes to cool down

- Actually thought Mei was his sister for a minute until he realized it wasn't her when they first met

- He/Him

- AroAce

- Sometimes gets visons and dreams of his life as the Golden Cicada

- Tripitaka, Zhu Bajie and Sha Wujin can see what their descendants/reincarnations are up to

- He cried on Freenoodles wedding day... it was not of joy, Zhu Bajie also threw up several times

- Once joked about having to shave all of Wukongs fur off now that he's a Monk and Wukong cried

- Absolutely HATES when people enter a room before knocking

- Would probably be scared of popping candy if he ever heard them (bubblegum, pop rocks, etc)

- Hates when people fold the corner of a page as a bookmark

- Constantly corrects people's spelling; "it's 'you're' not 'your' "

- Can't stand the sound of people chewing with their mouths open

- Has naturally long lashes

- Weak ass ankles

- Tried to teach Wukong how to read and gave up in a few hours because he refused to pay attention

- Cries whenever someone brings up his and Zhu Bajie's pregnancy, it's what keeps him up at 3am (if you haven't read JTTW, I'm sorry that this is how you found out)

- Surprisingly has a really good singing voice

- Always writes in cursive and no one can read it

- Understands cicadas

- In JTTW (chapter 39, i think) Tripitaka encountered a demon who impersonated him so well that even with his golden vision Wukong couldn't tell them apart and mistakingly attacked the real one, Tripitaka still gets nightmares about Wukong almost killing him

- Favourite colour is yellow

- Smells like oranges

- Love language is words of affirmation

- Has little freckles

- Extremely texture picky

- Vegetarian

- Has almost lost his hat (???) multiple times due to being kidnapped so often, it's a miracle he hasn't lost it yet

- Loves watching the sunset

- VERY light sleeper

- Smiled at Redson once, who immediately burst into tears (He could see that Tripitaka was the golden cicada and got scared), Tripitaka freaked out and also started crying while trying to calm him down

- She/Her

- Ally

- Has stretch marks as a result of her bones and skin being stretched out while she was possessed by the Lady Bone Demon

- White streaks in her hair from the possession

- Even after being freed from the Lady Bone Demon, her skin was never quite right, always too pale or too cold, with little snowflake markings here and there just barely visible

- Always cold, she has to wear multiple layers of clothing to help deal with it, doesn't matter how hot it is outside, she's always wearing something warm

- Has eyebags because she gets recurring nightmares about the Lady Bone Demon and hardly gets any sleep anymore

- Has very faint freckles

- Definitely believes/believed in those "spells to turn you into a mermaid/fairy/vampire" YouTube videos

- Made potions as a kid (it's windex, food dye, and glitter mixed together)

- Probably collects rocks

- Mei and Macaque taught her how to scam other kids in roblox

- Used to believe that if you ate a seed it'd grow in your stomach and had a meltdown when she accidentally swallowed watermelon seeds

- "Guys, stop swearing!" Whenever someone says "Frick", "Heck", "Dang"

- Cut her own hair once when she was really little, it was a disaster

- Eats whatever anyone gives her

- LOVES kumara

- Always eats lucky charms for breakfast but she'll pick out all the actual cereal so she just has milk and marshmallows

- Her dad is Pigsy's boar rival from across the street

- Loves street food, especially tanghulu and cheese tea

- Chews on her sleeves

- Smells like vanilla

- Love language is quality time

- OBSESSED with Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and watches it on repeat (she once compared MK to Donnie because they both fight with staffs)

- Has a charm bracelet with personalized charms she made for everyone she likes/loves

- Loves orbeez and has a heart shaped orbeez lamp that she uses as a night light (I had one as a kid, it was awesome and I miss it very much)

- Dyes the white streaks in her hair pink, but they fade pretty quick so they have to be re-dyed frequently

- Has a tooth gap

- Her favourite flowers are chrysanthemums

[getosbunsblog]

DIAVOLO NSFW ALPHABET

CUZ IM DOWN SO BAD FOR HIM

A = Aftercare (What they’re like after sex)

King of aftercare, will take a bath with you and hold you. He knows he can be “a lot” for someone like you, who is much smaller.

B = Body part (Their favourite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

He likes his man tits. No doubt and you. He worships you like a god. There’s no way he can pick only a single thing he likes

C = Cum (Anything to do with cum basically… I’m a disgusting person)

He likes oral but he only wants to cum in you, breeding kink…

D = Dirty Secret (Pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

Breeding kink. I mean it’s not that secret but he thinks it is. All he talks about during sex is filling you up and having a child.

E = Experience (How experienced are they? Do they know what they’re doing?)

I know we think he’s a sex god. But he was a prince who was like hidden and given high expectations, I don’t know if he’s a virgin or if he has had a few encounters. He has good instincts tho and learns fast.

F = Favourite Position (This goes without saying. Will probably include a visual)

Mating press. Need I say more?

G = Goofy (Are they more serious in the moment, or are they humorous, etc)

Depends, he’s a goofy guy. He’s a lil bit more serious if he’s stressed out, or if he’s particularly worried about hurting you

H = Hair (How well groomed are they, does the carpet match the drapes, etc.)

Carpet matches, pretty clean. He knows what’s up

I = Intimacy (How are they during the moment, romantic aspect…)

Lovesick puppy literally. He’s extremely intimate with you, candles, dim lighting, he needs everything to be perfect

J = Jack Off (Masturbation headcanon)

He doesn’t do it often, he has you for that. But if he’s hot and bothered and he can’t get a hold of you or he’s busy he jacks off to the memories of y’all having sex.

K = Kink (One or more of their kinks)

We all know breeding. But size kink, he loves how small you are. How your stomach has a small bump when he’s inside you and how he can hold you in mid air whilst fucking you

L = Location (Favourite places to do the do)

He likes privacy, anywhere where no one can walk in or listen in on he is ok with.

M = Motivation (What turns them on, gets them going)

You being you and the thought of having a family with you. Really gets that man going

N = NO (Something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

NO HITTING OR LIKE EXTREMELY ROUGH SEX. He got too rough once and something tore. A lil blood came out and he freaked the fuck out. Took you to the doctor and everything. Extremely embarrassing for you.

O = Oral (Preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc)

He’s good at oral, but he likes getting it. Just seeing how huge is cock is next to your face gets him going

P = Pace (Are they fast and rough? Slow and sensual? etc.)

In between. He’s romantic but he has a quick pace. Always mumbling how he loves you more than everything

Q = Quickie (Their opinions on quickies rather than proper sex, how often, etc.)

Scares him. He likes to prepare you in fear of hurting you again. He would love to do it once he’s more secure you’re ok. Not opposed to a quick blowjob tho

R = Risk (Are they game to experiment, do they take risks, etc.)

With people he knows, if he is risking Lucifer or barb walking in he’s down to test that. But in public with strangers is a no no because he has to keep yours and his reputation clean

S = Stamina (How many rounds can they go for, how long do they last…)

10+ rounds. If you pass out he’ll stop and wait till you wake up and ask if he can finish one more time, once more turns into 5 more

T = Toy (Do they own toys? Do they use them? On a partner or themselves?)

Doesn’t own any, he likes the intimacy of two bodies being undisturbed by fake things like toys

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

Not at all, he might embarrass you a little on accident but whatever you want, you get. You never have to ask twice for anything. The moment you ask him to put it in you he is already in before you can finish that sentence

V = Volume (How loud they are, what sounds they make)

Loud asf. Bangs the headboard against the wall. He’s just a complete menace to anyone trying to sleep. Barb made his room sound proof.

W = Wild Card (Get a random headcanon for the character of your choice)

He’s not interested in fucking anyone else, but watching you get railed by Lucifer, barb or even Solomon is a guilty pleasure of his. He loves watching from the side and watching you cum.

X = X-Ray (Let’s see what’s going on in those pants, picture or words)

Huge. Absolutely massive. Just under 12 inches but thick as fuck. And I think he has like barbs on his dick. To like keep him inside, if you know what I mean

Y = Yearning (How high is their sex drive?)

Always. He wants to take you everywhere, while he doesn’t always have the luxury of doing that he quite enjoys the thought of it

Z = ZZZ (… how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

You guys sleep at the same time. (If you’re still conscious) Like exactly the same time. Tho I think he like wakes up sometimes and like checks if you’re breathing. Just in case

[dipperscavern]

the ponderer has been called upon, the ponderer has pondered, the ponderer has answered. FREAKY PONDERER OUT, LIBRARIAN PONDERER IN!

the only mentions of body hair removal from the neck down in the asoiaf universe from what i remember off the top of my head is roose bolton’s freaky ass being clean shaven (which is my favourite thing ever btw hes so fucking weird for that literally what is his issue im crying thats why his son gets down and dirty like that) and then when they shaved cercei for her walk of shame. OH and also, tormund says that wildlings don’t shave as a jest, which would infer that southern women are a bit more concerned about shaving for aesthetics. basically they never mention it in talks of sex. which makes it seem like not a big deal.

historically— being that the asoiaf universe is essentially just a reflection medieval european society in its customs, shaving was not yet seen as a norm. though it did exist in certain contexts; female sex workers would shave their pubic hair to prevent spread of sti’s (i.e., pubic lice), and as a kind of proof of cleanliness. there is documented evidence that high born ladies also shaved but, again, not a norm at the time.

[upon further examination, it seems that shaving being synonymous with cleanliness is largely a result of religious beliefs and their interpretation of cleanliness which i could see happening in an asoiaf context with the high septon and the faith of the seven as they did shave cercei for her cleansing ritual… thats just food for thought; it remains that cregan would not give a fuck though because i do not believe that in the faith of the old gods they conglomerate shaving and cleanliness 🤷‍♀️ JUST FOOD FOR THOUGHT]

TDLR;;; cregan dgaf. northern men in general. i doubt southern men hold clean shaven women in high regard either. there’s probably some freak that likes bare pussy but its not cregan or any stark man. that’s canon. this was way too long of an explanation just to say that hairy pussy is better than no pussy sorry guys

ROOSE BOLTON IS CLEAN SHAVEN?? DID I SKIM OVER THAT CHAPTER? I AM IN TEARS 😭😭 “roose boltons freaky ass” pondering anon my silliest goose (also ur asks r never too long. EVER.)

anyways, shaving being synonymous w cleanliness in the interperated eyes of the seven makes a lot of sense. when i read cersei being shaved i didn’t even really register it, but it definitely makes sense. like the hair on her head (i think) it was kind of a symbolism for her being renewed, wiping the slate clean yk?

i can see some highborn ladies being prickly about it, especially with the amount of lords into uh.. children. so it would make sense they’d want them to present more…. yk? picking up what i’m putting down here?

also, ur so right. i don’t think the old gods would care about that either. jon says something about wanting to take ygritte under the weirwood tree in the godswood, “in the sight of the old gods”. my point is it shows that the old gods are very sex-positive (and jon was like 15 when he said that, so they’re taught those beliefs from a very young age)

and YES. REGARDLESS OF CUTLURE, THE STARK MEN WOULD NOT CAREEEEE FIGHT ME ACTUALLY SWING ON IT

[afuntimepartyy]

Ermm flutter headcanons teehee

-1# flutter fan

of course!!! I love bubberflights I can’t believe they’re real…

✧ Flutter Headcanons - ✧

Flutter uses She/They/He pronouns, and while has no specific label for her gender they probably fall under something nonbinary adjacent.

aroace, but very much capable of very passionate queer platonic relationships!

her antennae emote very frequently and colorfully, it’s also not uncommon for them to just move absentmindedly when writing in her diary or just in a generally good mood

speaking of their diary! They have multiple of them, they don’t have a lot to say verbally but they have a lot on their mind. The diary lets out some frustrations and emotions, but it also serves to just journal how their day went! She has a very nice cursive style.

autistic, hyper empathetic and tends to easily be overwhelmed in crowded social situations

has the full capability to speak if she really wanted to, though they don’t really like to! He has plenty of reasons as to why that is, but one of those reasons is that her voice will always be too loud for them- no matter how hushed it is. Words also just do not come out ever, even if they have the ability to speak it still feels like something weighs down in their throat preventing it.

cannot really chew or taste food, it’s purely energy for her. Loves her fruits and the greenhouse.

they’re actually really good at picking things up with their feet! Even when standing, so in addition their balance is really good.

… that being said she can refuse to pick up a lot or just be really uncomfortable with some things she picks up- her feet being extra sensitive to touch and even smell. It’s also why they are commonly flying and not walking- people have asked if she can also taste things she picks up with her feet but they’ve never gotten a clear answer

the show designers never designed what’s under flutters cloak- her character references never had it in mind because it just didn’t appear in any cartoon or educational material. This means when brought into a living breathing cartoon it was kinda up to the ichor what went on under the cloak! Flutter is sort of a weird little mystery to a lot of the handlers and staff because of that when the place is open and running.

they can never really tell how much butterfly she truly exhibits trait wise, especially under the cloak. What most toons and handlers alike don’t know is an extra (much tinier) set of arms is under flutters cloak.

her neck fuzz is hard to keep clean, yet they take good effort to keep it clean themself. They even fluff it up to use like a pillow when going to bed! It’s very soft and puffy.

Flutter isn’t Tisha’s level of obsessed with cleanliness, but she does worry about it a lot! A dirty environment can make them incredibly uneasy, antsy, and jumpy. If it’s that bad and if she’s forced to land in it especially, she shuts down

can be very shy and meeting new people causes them a great amount of stress- that being said it hardly stops them unless it gets really bad. She loves making new friends!

✧ Twisted Flutter Headcanons - ✧

twisted flutters are rare due to the fact it’s hard for one to twist- at least in the current time. Their reasons for twisting usually revolve around watching friendship fail time and time again. Flutter may be timid and passive, but they truly believe and follow in the power of friendship even if it becomes… a very deep down and unnoticed thing. So when a flutter twists, that idea has been challenged and tested to its very limit- watching all your friends turn against eachother is really hard for a flutter to witness. Usually too much, so that’s when they twist.

twisted flutters twisting used to be far more common in the early days after ‘the fall’ occurred. A sense of community and teamwork had not been established yet, and everyone was freaking out unsure what to do. Now that a community has been established and the toons have a sense of direction and protection, flutters hardly ever twist anymore

this doesn’t mean flutters herself is common though, back when the place was running and being produced they didn’t dedicate a lot of resources to producing flutters. Her needs were deemed too high to have her mass produced like some commons, so they never did have more than a few backup flutters alongside the original one. Because of this, the ichor machines seem programmed to not make as much flutters despite them Now being unmonitored.

twisted flutters have big bug like eyes, the ichor trying to ground her to real life as much as possible which Means pulling from butterflies as much as possible. Their eyes are far bigger and far more detailed.

Ichor covers twisted flutters face, it causing their mouths to split open in an almost “broken heart” sort of way. It also almost resembles mandibles because of how it split, and it always seems to be sticking to eachother. ...probably one of the more ravenous twisteds too, butterflies need constant energy and a restless and aimless twisted who never stops moving is even worse. Unfortunately food is not very common downstairs, not much at all… so usually this results in flutters desperately tearing into other twisteds and toons with their new mouths to get that energy. This also means they consume more ichor and their state gets worse.

[grimalkinmessor]

Mikalight for the ask game! :D

Hi Moon :D

AYYYY MIKALIGHT 👓🖋️🍷

when i started shipping it: Before I'd even finished my Death Note rewatch honestly—I only binge a max of six episodes a day so I didn't even remember what Mikami looked like when I started reading fics that mentioned him. Deadass I thought he had a moustache, I was so convinced in my old memories before I saw him on screen again 😭 BUT YES I read TrashKing's Composure before I finished the series again and found their dynamic there intriguing :3

my thoughts: They just bring a sort of Riza & Roy, Barty & Tom, Crim & Alessio, Aro & Jane vibe to the table that I really enjoy ✨ The Mastermind™ and their feral attack dog—Light says "Bark" and Mikami goes "At what tone, pitch, and volume; poodle or rottweiler?" and that's just SO much to play with >:3 IT'S ABOUT THE SERVITUDE 🤌🤌 THE IMAGE OF LIGHT SITTING CLEAN AND ARROGANT IN HIS THRONE AND MIKAMI STANDING PROUD BESIDE HIM COVERED IN BLOOD 😩🙏 Mikami is Light's favorite little pet and Light is Mikami's everything.

what makes me happy about them: They are soooo unwell your honor 💕 Two freak ass nerds both thinking they're more righteous than they are. Mikami could probably snap Light in half over his knee (dude is JACKED) but he won't 🥰 They're what I need when I want Light pampered and spoiled and getting everything he wants.

what makes me sad about them: THEIR DEATHS. DEAR GOD CANON DID THEM SO DIRTY, MIKAMI ESPECIALLY 😭😭 There is no dignity in death INDEED

things done in fanfic that annoy me: Honestly? (Don't hate me for this one Moon (⁠๑⁠•⁠﹏⁠•)) I don't like how often L is brought up or mentioned in Mikalight fics. Like Mikami is L's replacement in Light's heart, like he sees L in Mikami—they're literally nothing alike 😭 They both have black hair but if that's the only thing you need to be L's replacement then Matsuda would make the cut. Besides; if I open a Mikalight fic, I want the focus to be on Mikami and Light :') If I wanted Lawlight I'd have gone to the Lawlight tag instead, you know?

things i look for in fic: Mikami being obsessed and Light viscerally enjoying his obsession. That's it :3 I want Mikami to be the devoted pursuer and Light to be the deity deigning to touch him out of amusement and curiosity. I like Light in control and Mikami being super horny about it ✨

who I'd be comfortable with the ending up with: For Light, I like him with pretty much everyone lol (have that man running from his harem 24/7), though L and Ryuk are definitely at the top of the list ;3 For Mikami.... it's harder, because I only like him with other people in situations where Light isn't a factor at all, such as they've never met or Light just doesn't exist. Save for maybe Near, because I think captor/captive is always a fun trope 💫 But with Light there (and specifically in Kira Wins AUs) I tend to like him with either Matsuda or Misa, because I can see both of those relationships turning antagonistic >:3 Mikalight is pretty much the only DN ship I have that doesn't have SOME form of chafe to it, so anything else would need to be made interesting for me to ship it.

my happily ever after for them: Kira wins, Mikami uses his eyes and tenacity to become Light's right hand man, and then they spend the rest of time being righteously evil with Light directing and Mikami wielding the scythe—which he is then reward for by Light allowing him to use his mouth and hands and sometimes cock to make his Kami-sama feel good 😌💖

who is big spoon/little spoon: TOUGH QUESTION. Because if it's in a No Death Note AU and they were both,,,normaler, I'd say Mikami. But in any other circumstance I'd say Light, if only because Mikami kneeling between his legs while Light works is practically the same thing as being the little spoon when you think about it :3

what is their favorite nonsexual activity: Not to get super soft all of a sudden, but probably talking. Mikami is canonically very intelligent as well, even if I think his smarts come more from diligent study than any born-in ability like Light's—they've probably read a lot of the same books and I imagine them sitting in comfortable quiet reading together and occasionally looking up to speak their thoughts about the book aloud, which leads them into calm but intriguing discussions. When they're not being murderous psychos, I think they're both actually quite calm and content people, so things like going for a morning run, drinking coffee together, and reading in the same room are definitely their favorite moments otherwise 💗

[croziers-compass]

wilbur you would be so much fun to wander into the wilderness with. mostly because im of firm belief that whatever strangeness is in the woods zones in on you specifically to fuck with. it would be a delight

Are you ready for another story? I know I have told you a couple. This one is not as exciting as the other ones I have told you. However, I was with my horse out in the woods again. We did not have much for trails. But I did know certain trees because the woods were ancient. And some of those trees were massive in ways you would never believe. There were also rivers, streams, and large old standing stones as natural landmarks. So it was easy to navigate as long as you recognised the landmarks. Well I had happened across a really old tree I was not super familiar with but I knew was "somewhere in the area" and I had seen it before a few times but never paid that much attention to it. In front of it, however, was a very large cauldron. Like the kind you sometimes see decorating people's yards hanging under their family house signs. We're talking "You can fit a grown man in here" sort of size. But it was so terribly old and the handle was half fallen off. Moss and debris was everywhere and it was covered with grasses that had grown up alongside it. It had also garnered a fair amount of rust. But inside of it there was a large cluster of strangely clean and normal looking potatoes. We're talking like twelve to fifteen potatoes like the ones you'd just see at the grocery store but as if someone just dumped them into it and left them there. I was so confused by it. They weren't dirty. Not like they've been properly washed. But like they were freshly bought from the store and seriously just dumped and left there. A part of me wondered if a nearby neighbour was using this cauldron as an offering place for like... the Fair Folk or something. But I left them be. It didn't help that my horse was freaked out by it and wouldn't go near the thing and got really unnerved when I did and threw a fit about it. But I did not stick around for long or touch it, of course. I'm not that stupid. But Yes. I feel like you'll probably be alright with me around because I'll be the first to get whisked away. I also find all of the bones, strange artefacts and unusual oddities. So in the least you'll probably get a good souvenir for the trauma.

[base0h]

Hii! It's me again , here for another set of hcs :D

Ok, so first of all I hope you're doing alright and feeling good <3 , second - here's the request - can I get what you think Zoro, Mihawk, Sabo and a character of your choice biggest pet peeve/s are? (￣ε￣＠) Also would you like to do some more modern au in the future , cuz I'm thinking of requesting smth like that next?

*sends virtual hugs*

a/n - hi error!! Aw thank you, I’m doing alright and I hope you’re having a great day :D ohhhh my god I love this (mihawk has so many peeves lmao) and yes ofc! I love modern au stuff, I always love your requests, here’s a hug <3

Warnings ⚠️ - mihawk is literally so triggered lmao, none

Mihawk

- this man is that type of guy who gets all grossed out by the word “moist”

- pls he literally cringes when he hears that word lmao

- you better say thank you if he says bless you

- If someone sneezes, and he says bless you, and then they doesn’t say thank you?

- they’ve ended up making themselves an enemy they probably don’t want to cross 💀

- He gets so disgusted when people chew with their mouth open

- “How barbaric..” is what he thinks 🗿

- He also gets all worked up when something isn’t exactly perpendicular or straight together, so he randomly fixes stuff over and over again until he likes the way it looks

- Man’s a perfectionist

- and that’s ok because somehow I’m a perfectionist too

- Mihawk has a personal space bubble that’s a 6ft radius around him, and when people that he doesn’t like invade it, uh oh

- “What an idiotic mistake.” Is what that person has made

- He has many peeves, and many more that I have refrained from listing lmao

Zoro

- Ok I’m not saying Zoro’s a clean freak

- But when someone leaves dirty laundry laying around? That crosses his line

- Idk what it is, he just hates seeing other people’s dirty clothes all over the ground, so you’ll see him muttering angry curses as he’s doing laundry lmao

- he’s like a dad, he gets mad when people leave their shoes laying about because he’ll trip over them 100% of the time

- “LUFFY I TOLD YOU TO PUT YOUR DAMN SHOES AWAY!”

- “HEHE- sorry!”

- and then Zoro leaves a bunch of fucking sake bottles laying around that Nami has to throw away later

- Nami’s pet peeve is when people leave trash lying around

Sabo

- This boy isn’t really triggered by much

- But when people disrespect books or just don’t treat books right, he gets upset

- He really loves books, so seeing them being mistreated doesn’t make him very happy

- he also hates rude children lmao 💀

- Idk he wants to kick a child’s ass if he catches them bullying another kid or being rude to someone

- Sabo’s a pretty respectable guy so he won’t kick the kid’s ass lol

- When people step on art of any kind, whatever that may be (writing, artwork, ceramics, food, etc.) he gets angry about that

- He never wants to see someone’s hard work get destroyed

a/n - I feel like my headcanons are getting so much worse 💀 I’m so sorry guys lmao

[legolasghosty]

“I think I deserve a kiss for this.” + Willex, plz and thank you?

Please pay NO attention to how late this is... But enjoy!

Willie goes over the plan again in his head. His dads will be here around 9, they'll do a little apartment tour, pour coffee, and eat brunch. They'll probably end up chatting for a while after as well. It will be fine. It's just his dads after all.

His super rich dads. Coming to their tiny 2-bedroom apartment. Which they just moved into a week ago.

Plus it's the first place Willie has ever had with a partner, which adds a whole new level of pressure. Sure, he and Alex have been together for years, and had been friends for ages before that, but still! This whole brunch thing has to go well!

Speaking of which, where is Alex? Willie has been up since 4, cleaning, but Alex hasn't appeared from his room, where the couple crashed last night. It's almost 7:30, and Alex is supposed to make the food. Willie is perfectly fine admitting they're a disaster in the kitchen. But that does mean they're reliant on Alex for this... and if he's not even awake yet....

Willie pokes his head into Alex's room just as the drummer's alarm goes off. The peppy chords of some Dirty Candy song from a few years ago echo through the room along with Alex's groan. He mumbles something unintelligible and reaches a blind hand out to smack at his phone screen. Willie allows themselves thirty seconds to enjoy the soft, rumpled, unkempt sight that is his boyfriend first thing in the morning.

Alex has never been a morning person, obviously. He's usually a bit of a grump until he's had a few minutes to take his retainer out and get a drink. Woe to anyone who dares argue with him before he's had at least a partial cup of coffee. He's always running into corners and furniture because his eyes aren't open all the way.

Alex is a mess in the mornings. Willie loves that they get to be the one to see that Alex every day.

However, they're on a time crunch today.

"Hey Babe, you up?" Willie calls.

"No," Alex grumbles, pulling the duvet up to his chin.

Willie chuckles, then glances down at his watch. "Sorry, but I need your kitchen skills," they point out, walking over to the bed and tugging gently on the edge of the blanket.

"Too bad," Alex mumbles. "Too many boxes yesterday...."

Willie winces sympathetically. It's true that Alex had spent most of yesterday finishing up the unpacking of their stuff. Willie had helped as much as he could, but he'd had a double shift at work so they'd been gone most of the day. But they still have people coming over so...

"Baby, please?" Willie requests.

Alex groans again and sits up, just like Willie knew he would. "You play dirty, Covington, no pet names this early," he informs them. The glare that accompanies the statement doesn't hold any real anger though.

"I love you," Willie responds, giving him a hand up. Then they're headed back to the living room. The kitchen is already clean, but the couches need to be straightened and the TV isn't actually plugged in yet and the bathroom could probably use another once over...

"What am I making again?" Alex asks as he enters the main room a few minutes later.

"Eggs, french toast, fruit, coffee," Willie rattles off.

"I deserve a kiss for this," Alex mutters as he flips on the coffee machine.

Willie laughs and pecks him on the cheek as he passes, heading for the paper towels to wipe down the bathroom counter. But before he makes it out of the kitchen, Alex catches them by the forearm.

"Are you okay?" Alex asks, eyes still heavy with sleep.

"Of course," Willie responds, surprised. Why wouldn't they be? They just want this to be perfect.

"How long have you been up?" Alex inquires, not letting go of his arm.

"Since like 4:30 or something," Willie answers. "Not that long. I gotta go clean the bathroom."

Alex still doesn't let go. Why isn't he letting go? "Willie, you're freaking me out," Alex says softly. "This is just your dads, right?"

"Yeah but I want it to be perfect for them," Willie says. "I gotta be perfect, this is a big deal."

Willie catches his own words a beat after Alex does. "Oh," they sigh, deflating a bit.

"Yeah," Alex agrees, finally letting go of Willie's arm to pull him into a hug. "It's okay, you're okay. Caleb became your dad when you were, what, 7? And Trevor and Caleb got engaged when you were 11? They've both stuck with you for all of that time. They love you. It's okay if it's not perfect."

Willie forces himself to just lean on his boyfriend and listen to his low, sleepy words. Right. Brunch doesn't have to be perfect. Willie doesn't have to be perfect.

"Sorry," they mumble after a minute.

"You have nothing to apologize for," Alex promises. "It happens. That kind of stuff is hard to train yourself out of. Believe me, I get it."

Willie chuckles and reaches up to wrap their arms around Alex's neck. "Thank you," he murmurs before pressing a light kiss to Alex's mouth. "For all of this."

"I love you," Alex responds simply before reconnecting their mouths.

Willie knows Alex can hear their I love you too loud and clear as they kiss in their new, shared kitchen. It might as well be written on the walls already. It's the truth that got them here after all.

Brunch is far from perfect. But it's great regardless(even if the food is a bit late).

[moviemunchies]

Some-BODY once told me that Shrek was a really good move. It was huge when it first came out; everyone, I mean, everyone I know loved it, and it was freaking everywhere you looked. I was never that into it, though. In the past few years, it’s experienced something of a revival–I’ve seen discussions of how it’s actually a really good movie, covering themes like acceptance and self-image. And Dreamworks has made a lot of really good movies! So I thought it was about time I re-watched the film since I found it on Netflix.

And during this re-watch, I discovered that…. I don’t like this movie.

Shrek adapts a picture book by William Steig that you’ve probably never heard of into a CGI animated feature about the titular ogre. Rejected by ordinary people, Shrek lives alone in his swamp, until he saves the life of Donkey, a talking donkey and would-be victim of Lord Farquaad’s attempts to purge his realm, Duloc, of fairy tale creatures. Farquaad is forcefully re-locating these creatures to Shrek’s swamp, much to the ogre’s chagrin. Walking straight into Duloc, Shrek and Farquaad make a deal: he’ll get his swamp back if he goes and saves Princess Fiona to be Farquaad’s bride in order to legitimize his kingship. Of course, saving Princess Fiona isn’t so easy, and she has her own secrets that she’d rather not let anyone find out; and even then, Shrek finds that handing her over to Farquaad isn’t what he really wants.

Alright, so you can’t really talk about this movie without mentioning that the entire thing is built from the ground up as a massive ‘F*** YOU’ to Disney. Jeffrey Katzenberg, one of the co-founders of Dreamworks Studios, was former chairman of Walt Disney Studios and had a falling out, to put it mildly, with both Roy Disney (Walt Disney’s nephew and member of the board) and Disney CEO Michael Eisner, to start his own company. It’s popularly speculated that the villain of Shrek was designed to resemble Michael Eisner, and also his name sounds like ‘F***wad’.

If you did not pick up that the movie hated Disney and everything about it, that information should give you enough to work with. Though it is blindingly obvious; the princess plot where things don’t go according to plan, the fairy tale characters acting mostly as pests, the dirty jokes, how Duloc’s entrance brings to mind Disney theme parks with even a parody of “It’s a Small World”, the bird exploding when Fiona’s singing with it… It’s pretty much all there.

And yes, Disney had sort of gotten a reputation for squeaky-clean princess stories, and their attempts to move past those haven’t made much money–in part because management didn’t know how to market and when to release those movies. Treasure Planet and Atlantis: The Lost Empire might have been hits if it weren’t for those factors, but the people in charge didn’t think they’d be money makers, and thus screwed them over and said, “Welp! Those movies don’t do well, I guess!” It’s understandable, then, that a guy who worked at Disney might have had some frustration about how he couldn’t break out of the mold, and hold some resentment for that mold and then make a movie about it.

It’s so… crude, though? Much of the humor in this movie just isn’t my thing. It doesn’t feel like a passionate or thoughtful deconstruction of Disney, most of the time, it feels like taking a hammer to it, except that hammer makes fart noises. There are so many jokes that aren’t aimed at kids, but they’re not really funny as much as ‘Tee-hee, look what we put in an animated movie vaguely aimed at families!’ Like, no, I did not need a bit that implies Lord Farquaad is jacking off to the image of Princess Fiona in the Magic Mirror.

Farquaad is also annoying and that he clearly has some sort of hang-up about fairy tale creatures, and wants them out, though it’s never really developed much. Why does he hate fairy tales so much? Again, as a stand-in for Disney’s management, the notion that the guy in charge wants a standardized feel to his kingdom, and will ship out anyone different/magical makes sense; however, this falls apart because the fairy tale creatures are again, clearly meant to be annoying/stupid! And the whole idea of not judging people based on how they look or who they’re born as is thrown out the window with all the jokes about how short Farquaad is!

Probably not helping is my past experience with this movie. Many years ago, when this was A Thing, and kids just watched all the time, we were at some dinner party or New Year’s party or something. It got late and we started three different movies (this one, Princess Bride, and Willow), so probably New Year’s. The kids at the party put on this movie, and dear Lord do you have any idea how annoying it is to watch a movie where your fellow audience members know all the jokes, and say it along with the movie? Except their timing is off, so they say it right before it’s said in the movie? Yeah, that was this viewing experience. It was the most annoying way to watch what’s supposed to be a comedic film.

A lot of the jokes just don’t make much sense to me, either. Why is Robin Hood French in this movie? At first I assumed that it’s a roundabout allusion to Kevin Costner having the wrong accent in Prince of Thieves, but I looked it up, and apparently, no! It’s just because the people making the movie thought it would be funny. That’s dumb and makes no sense.

There are some things in the animation that haven’t aged well, but they had no way of knowing it at the time, they were doing the best with what they had. And so ‘meh’ on that front.

And I can’t help but think that if it hadn’t been for Shrek that so many things would have been different–the dominance of CGI over other forms of animation, the over-reliance on pop culture references, celebrity voice actors, the big dance party at the end of the movie–Shrek wasn’t the origin of all of these ideas, but it definite catapulted them into popular consciousness. Oh, and putting Eddie Murphy in tons of things. That was A Thing That Used to be A Thing for years and we all hated it.

There are some things in this movie that I do like, to be clear! I like Shrek and Fiona’s relationship! I like their character development. I like their interactions. I like that their journey consists of both of them accepting themselves and not worrying about conventional attractiveness. I don’t generally like the, “The couple has a misunderstanding based on half of a conversation,” thing, but here it’s because it reflects both of their self-loathing and I think that’s actually really interesting!

[There’s a Tumblr post about it, too.]

And there are, I guess, some jokes I liked.

Overall, though, I don’t like this movie. I can’t like this movie. Shrek doesn’t feel like a movie made by people telling a story they love, it feels like a bunch of people rambling on about how much they hate the Walt Disney Company. And to be clear, there’s a lot to dislike about the Walt Disney Company and the movies it makes. That alone doesn’t make Shrek a good movie, though. I have heard that Shrek 2 is good; I haven’t seen any of it to my recollection, so I might give it a try? As it is, though, with all the other fantastic films Dreamworks has created, I’m struggling to see why people are so attached to this one.

[confessions-official]

i feel bad for wanting a different life then i do now because my appartment is stable

i do have a bed to sleep on but i cant help but feel like i never truely had my own space because i never had my own bedroom and i always slept with someone else either next to me or anything, my sister has to take calls and lectures and i have to stay quiet, i want my own desk so badly because only laying on a bed has made me drastically lazy and such, i cant even cry in peace and i have to stop stimming when my sisters friends are over when i dont want to see them

i have a full fridge but its packed TOO much, we have abunch of meat in there that gets forgotten quickly, alot of food that only my parents eat, hell the kitchen itself it so horrid by other families standards, the moment you walk in you already see a overfilled bag of trash and counters that have not been cleaned in months, me and my sister had emptied and cleaned the fridge this easter break and the moment mom and dad got home it got cluttered again, the table we use to just place food is also a mess and we leave fruits and vaggies on it causing them to spoil more quickly

my mom keeps alot of soaps, papers, bags - she doesnt even go shoping, she doesnt want us to use the special soaps she gives away (which is a full closet to clarify) and got mad at my sister when she cleaned the bathroom and used one of those, there isnt enough space to walk, and we use only 6 bags at maximum

i dont know HOW to clean, at most we vacume but thats it, with all the stuff we have laying around its hard and i dont know which spray bottle to use for which products, i dont even know how to use a washing machine or how to mop a floor, theyre both very lazy (and i dont blame them both, theyre really tired all the time and my mom sleeps most of the day) and my mom would freak out if we shower more then 2 people a day because of this really musty dirty plastic bathtub we have that she collects water with so i shower once a week, i know how gross it is i feel bad but its not as bad as my grandmas house which is very moldy and its atleast bareable to invite people in

i never got to dress myself in the morning, my parents always wake me up and brush my hair (my mom always tells me my hair is oily or not brushed well even though everyone else tells me i do a great job) and they just argue about mundane stuff and i just want peace and quiet at 6 am - they always nag me about homework and studying and due to complicated neurodivergent stuff in my head i freeze and i cant seem to find anything i want to do untill its really late and im tried by that time i wish i could just do everything at the same time but i cant, and i cant talk about it to them, but aside from being boring to listen to they care about me unlike alotof other parents who probably wouldnt have bothered despite me not needing alot of support

i wish i had a small house and not an apartment, my stimming usually involves running around and with a small apartment 1) there will be always someone in a room and i dont like anyone else seeing me 2) the neighbors below, by some luck who havent sued us yet, probably dont apprechiate it, btu i have a place to live in

i already have a stable apartment and i shouldnt be complaining at all, i dont know why but i sometimes wonder how it would be like to live in the average family american TV seems to show

maybe my life will turn around once i have my own apartment / house, hopefully by then i will have learnt a thing about cleaning or two