#getting to write down all my favorite quotes from them and my overall thoughts

[ihopeucomehomesoon]

i want to write everyday in my journal in august

[librarycards]

Hello! I am trying to read “the right to maim” by jasbir k puar and I am getting almost nothing out of it, bc of the depth + breadth of academic concepts :( I’m particularly frustrated by it bc it seems to talk about subjects I think about, talk about and do daily, like disability, transness, and (anti)colonialism. I’m most of the way through the intro and it’s gone almost entirely over my head except for a couple isolated paragraphs that are meaningful.

Do you have any advice for how I can get the most out of this book? My main limiter is time, bc I got it out from the library and it is highly requested so I can’t have it for very long

Hi anon! First of all, in terms of time, I recommend piracy. I recommend it in general. I'm not going to post links here in order to protect the places I use, but dm me if you want them.

If you're having difficulty with the concepts (which makes sense - right to maim is a challenging book!) I recommend going back to basics with some background reading. You can get some of Puar's rec'd background reading from the bibliography, and from the keywords she uses in the preface of the text. a few that I see (i'm looking at the PDF now) include debility, rhizome/rhizomatic, soverignty, biopolitics, homonationalism, impairment [in the disability studies sense], precarity, and neoliberalism. if i was teaching this preface, i'd have students break down each of these terms (and probably others, this is just from a skim) using outside readings. it's totally normal to feel overwhelmed when jumping into a scholarly text w/o any context, and most people who use and cite this book have past experience reading Puar's interlocutors and existing familiarity with this language.

you can get up-to-date while reading using resources in tandem with this text. For example, you can read Puar's discussion of debility at that link to get a sense of the context. You can read a decent summary of Foucault (the coiner of the term "biopower") and his thought at Brittanica. I recommend using Google Scholar for terms you're not familiar with, and taking quick notes so that you don't have to google them all over again each time. if you think you have enough context with a new word but aren't 100%, keep reading and use other clues. think about academic reading like learning a new language. the strategies are very similar! because it basically is.

I recommend using the annotation strategies i just mentioned in this post (and/or developing your own). i also recommend looking up Puar's talks on youtube - she's a well-known scholar who does a lot of events, and has spoken extensively about this book and its genealogy (especially in relation to praxis / Palestinian liberation). You can also read her talk with the hosts of Death Panel, my absolute favorite podcast.

Below, I'm going to give you an example of how I close-read, annotate, and analyze a paragraph from Right to Maim (and, by extension, other academic texts. This strategy may not work for you 100%, but hopefully it gives you some solid suggestions. Overall, remember that learning to read scholarly work takes time. A long ass time. Even when it's about things you've experienced yourself! Academia has its own conventions, verbiage, knowledge base, etc, and it's a learning curve for everyone. Don't expect yourself to read as fast or get as much as someone more familiar with the conventions of academic writing - anticipate reading all of these works many, many times, and getting more with each reading. Progress is more important than perfection, and improvement, even if slow, *will* happen, as long as you don't give up. <3

Below is a quote from the preface to Right to Maim, where Puar lays out her argument. I recommend everyone highlight/remember paragraphs like these (pretty much every ac text will have something like this in the beginning as a roadmap) to anchor their reading practice and help them get the most from a book (emphasis mine):

In The Right to Maim, I focus less on an impor­tant proj­ect of disability rights and disability studies, which is to refute disability as lack, as inherently undesirable, and as the sign, evidence, or fetish of injustice and victimhood. I am not sidestepping this issue. Rather, I centralize the quest for justice to situate what material conditions of possibility are necessary for such positive reenvisionings of disability to flourish, and what happens when those conditions are not available. My goal ­here is to examine how disability is produced, how certain bodies and populations come into biopoliti­cal being through having greater risk to become disabled than ­others. The difference between disability and debility that I schematize is not derived from expounding upon and contrasting phenomenological experiences of corporeality, but from evaluating the vio­lences of biopo­liti­cal risk and metrics of health, fertility, longevity, education, and geography.

In the bolded part, Puar outlines what she's not doing: she's not taking a mainstream (white, colonial) disability studies approach, which is, in her words, to refute disability as "lack." She's stating that her goal isn't simply to prove disabled people as equal to able-bodied people, or to claim that disability can be good and liberating (though it is/can be!). Her point is to look at the conditions in which people become disabled, and stay disabled. Often, these conditions are violent and unjust. Acknowledging this injustice kinda throws a wrench into western models of disability pride.

So, if she's not interested in just arguing that disability ≠ badness, what is she arguing? she's looking, in the latter half of the paragraph, to how people become disabled in multiple ways. One, using the verbiage in the book, she's interested in how people become debilitated - physically incapacitated in a way that may not line up with the social category of "disability"). She's also interested in how "disability" as a social identity is constructed - that is, why do disability rights groups look at Palestinians maimed by the IOF and see an injured civilian, but not a disabled comrade? words and context matter immensely. she's looking at why, and what are the implications.

that last sentence sums up the distinction she's making: "The difference between disability and debility that I schematize is not derived from expounding upon and contrasting phenomenological experiences of corporeality, but from evaluating the vio­lences of biopo­liti­cal risk and metrics of health, fertility, longevity, education, and geography."

the difference, she argues, between disability as western disability studies sees it and debility as experienced by people under colonial occupation isn't because we experience our bodyminds differently, or because Palestinians (for example) magically aren't as hurt by occupation as their white/western counterparts would be. rather, the reason she's using debility over disability is because the category of disability isn't objective: it's informed by biopolitical forces such as the ones she listed. her meta-argument is that what we call "disability" can't be divorced from its settler colonial context, not because colonized peoples are immune to disabling violence, but because the category of disability (and health, and violence) is itself affected by settler colonialism.

in "right to maim," Puar is offering a major shift in the way we collectively discuss disability, because the category is not applied equally across sociopolitical, geographical context. it means Palestinians and others living under occupation are either left out entirely, or unsuccessfully co-opted into western-/colonizer-centric disability discourse that doesn't acknowledge the different conditions under which they live. ultimately, "right to maim" means to make that difference, and its implications, visible.

Let me know if this makes sense! it's wordy and tedious, but lots of academic texts are. i hope that breakdown helps you make some more sense of Puar's main argument/the architecture of the text, and maybe serves as a model for future engagement. :)

[wordy-little-witch]

Okay CoraBug hours where we look at canon, go HAH No, and carry on bc I Do Not See It

Buggy and Cora being absolutely the schmooziest, goofiest couple ever.

Cora and Buggy experimenting with makeup looks together.

They each have an Egg Each, but they have each other's eggs, or they both make two each so one can have the second egg on hand for long distance stints.

Long denden calls and writing letters to each other.

Sengoku having several attacks of just as many varieties because his son is dating a pirate and it's THAT pirate as well and he's So Fucking Angry bc Buggy isn't even all that bad, he HATES it-

Uncle Garp. The shenanigans there. Need I say more?

Shanks telling Buggy about Luffy and it goes "my brother adopted the grandson of my boyfriend's honorary uncle" and you can see the smoke coming from his ears.

Cora and Buggy were childhood sweethearts, and Shanks ABSOLUTELY gave Cora a shovel talk. Roger also gave Cora a shovel talk. Rayleigh played psychological warfare as a test (Cora passed).

They do shows together and their favorites are acrobatics and aerials.

Buggy has forbade Cora from fire stunts, so Cora simply watches Buggy do them and drools respectfully. (In his defense, Buggy is VERY skilled with batons and dragon staffs.)

Devil Fruits have something they need to Feed or things that Feed the fruits. For some, it's foods, some it can be abated with tobacco. Cora uses his cigarettes and Buggy runs on sugar.

Cora is actually a very clean person and prefers unscented soaps, he just has a skill for always looking freshly mugged in an alleyway. Buggy meanwhile is a neat freak who changes up his soaps frequently, but always within a certain brand/maker rotation bc he has sensitive skin.

Drawbacks Of Devil Fruits My Beloved - they're both more lethargic in highly humid weather, or in the rain. Cora's sleepier overall when stuff gets to that point, but Buggy runs a higher risk of getting sick as a result.

Buggy sometimes has Bad Brain Days, be it an episode or he's overstimulated. Regardless, when he needs Space, he'll shimmy under Cora's feathered coat and Cora will cast a bubble for them with just enough muted input to calm Buggy down but not trigger his intrusive thoughts.

Likewise, when Cora is in Cover And Perform Mode, Buggy will gently lead him away and pull the other down to his chest, ear over his heart, and will just... talk. Random, unimportant things like "Oh I heard dinner will be this tonight" or "I've been thinking of getting x, y, z tools for the ring". Just stuff to ground him, she he isn't alone, that things are okay and fine and safe.

They have prank wars. Ritchie always wins. Nobody knows how.

Cora will straight up scruff Buggy like a cat when he gets angry and stabby.

Buggy will climb Cora like a tree when he feels playful.

<><><><> Bonus Incorrect Quotes <><><><>

Buggy: They call it committing murder because it's a commitment. It's stronger than marriage.

Cora:

Buggy:

Cora: babe, no-

<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>

Cora: I could kill you if I wanted.

Buggy: Yeah? So could any other human being. So could a dog. So could a dedicated duck. You aren't special

Cora:

Buggy:

Cora: I love you-

<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>

Buggy: *banging a pen on the table out of frustration*

Cora: Stop that. How would YOU feel if I banged you on the table?

Buggy: I—

Buggy: I don’t know the correct answer to that question.

Cabaji, who just wanted to eat his lunch in peace:

<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>

Buggy: BE A BETTER PERSON!

Cora: WHY?!

Buggy: BECAUSE SOMEONE NEEDS TO HAVE MORALS IN THIS RELATIONSHIP, AND IT SURE AS FUCK AIN'T GONNA BE ME, SWEETHEART!

<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>

Cora: *sighs*

Buggy: You bored?

Cora: Yeah.

Buggy: Wanna start drama for no reason?

Cora: I thought you’d never ask.

<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>

Cora: I truly go into housewife mode when I'm someone's soulmate- like, I'll make you pancakes and bacon every morning.

Buggy: This is a lie.

Buggy: I'm literally dating them. This is a lie.

Buggy: THEY DON'T EVEN KNOW HOW TO COOK A PANCAKE, WHAT IS THIS.

<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>

Buggy: What’s your favorite color?

Cora: Stop asking stupid questions. Ask me something logical and mature.

Buggy: How many moles of sodium bicarbonate are needed to neutralize 0.8ml of sulfuric acid at STP?

Cora: My favorite color is pink.

<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>

Context: Roger and Garp having a play date, Shanks and Mihawk are sitting to the side while Buggy is doing smth mundane across the beach when Cora descends on the swordmen

Cora: Wait, what's going on? Are we all talking about how hot Buggy is? Because Buggy is a straight up sexual fox riding a red-hot nuclear bombshell right toward the yowza plaza in the heart of Babe City, Assachusetts, U S A. The last A just stands for more ass.

Mihawk:

Shanks:

Cora:

Mihawk: wh-

Shanks: YEAH!

<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>

Buggy: I'm very scary.

Cora: You're about as scary as a wet kitten.

Buggy: Wet kittens are cute, at least I've got that going for me.

Cora: And small.

Buggy:

Buggy: ...Yeah, yeah. I guess.

<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>

Buggy: Live fast, die young, leave behind a pretty corpse! That’s what I always say!

Cora: You should say something else.

<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>

Cora: What’s your body count?

Buggy: Do you mean sex or murder?

<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>

Cora, carrying a box: What would you say if- if I, hypothetically, came home with several kids one day?

Buggy: …

Buggy: What’s in the box?

Cora: What woul-

Buggy: Cora, what’s in the box?

Cora: I think you know.

<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>

Buggy: Hey, wanna take a shower with me?

Cora: I have a gun in that nightstand beside the bed. If I ever say no to that question, I want you to take it out and shot me because I’ve obviously gone crazy.

[canonicallyobserving911]

My thoughts on how bad season 7 ended up being can be summed up in one sentence and it's based on a quote I heard from a former employment director. He used to tell us all the time, "When you fail to plan, you plan to fail!" And I think that's what happened to season 7 of 9-1-1 since they were still writing while the main cast was filming the remaining episodes.

After TM's most recent interview, in which he admitted he doesn't plan seasons out beforehand, I felt justified in my analysis but the question is has it always been like this? IMO, the answer is NO! And that's because it wasn't like this for seasons 2 and 3. They were planned out and the continuity was there which made everything better than the mess that was season 7.

Honestly, I don't understand how anyone can run a multi-million-dollar business or a TV Show (I do get it because some people aren't organized but usually, they don't stay in a leadership role for long) and be as unorganized as the showrunners have been for the last few seasons of 9-1-1. It literally costs between 9 and 10 million dollars per episode to produce it but nothing they've been doing lately has lived up to those high costs. Please understand this is not about the cast, crew or the directors because they don't have control over the scripts. They have a WRITING TEAM which means TM didn't have to spend 40 straight hours while he was lying in a hospital bed writing the first 3 episodes. He chose to do that and since the writers returned to work in October of 2023, what were they doing that whole time because they were already promoting the cruise ship disaster at the end of November?

An example of how ridiculous it is for TM to not have a plan can be equated to a construction company. People who build homes and buildings have to plan in advance before they start or else it'll end badly. They can't just start building a home or a business without a blueprint because if they do, the bathtub could end up in the kitchen and the garage might not have a driveway. Builders have to order supplies and materials like drywall, tools, windows, appliances etc., far in advance so they'll have the things they need when they get to a particular step in the building process. Therefore, how can anyone handling multiple storylines for the main cast of a popular TV show like 9-1-1 go into a season without an overall plan? They shouldn't and if they continue down that path, IMO upcoming seasons will end up being even worse.

It doesn't make any sense at all to me and hopefully, season 8 won't be a repeat of seasons 5, 6 and 7.

House M.D. is one of my favorite shows of all time because Gregory House was a brilliant doctor and even though he was a complete jerk sometimes, I liked it because the creators and the showrunners knew when it was time to end it. After 8 seasons, they decided to call it quits so they could go out on top. Any good show worth it's weight knows when they're running out of good stories and they know when to end it. It happened with the Sopranos too. They ended it after season 6 because Tony Soprano had already done the things he needed to do in therapy and his families (personal and mob) were personified. They couldn't take the show anywhere else, so they ended it.

Please understand, if you've never seen a TV show stay on and keep airing episodes past its prime (Grey's Anatomy and Law & Order SVU are two examples but there are others) you have no idea what it could be like. Viewers end up hate watching them and hopefully that won't happen with 9-1-1 but if they don't do something soon, like let the characters grow professionally and show them moving on from their previous mistakes and pasts (looking at the "Vertigo" storyline because Eddie should be allowed to move on from Shannon since it's been six years) it could end up being their fate too.

Even though I've never watched Grey's, I have watched SVU and for the past few days, I've been rewatching season 14 when Rafael Barba (my favorite A.D.A.) arrived on the show and I instantly noticed a stark difference between it and the most recent seasons. It's so good and its way better than the trash they're producing right now. Olivia Benson is the SVU captain but they've been centering all the episodes around her character (like season 6 was all about Buck) but it's time for her to be promoted to chief so Detective Joe Velasco and Detective Terry Bruno can be in charge of SVU. They're the future of the show but if they keep sidelining them, who knows if they'll get a 27th season. It's so boring now and I wish they'd bring Barba back but I digress.

I don't watch a lot of TV because most of it is reality, news and game shows (I don't like those but for those who do, no shade) but I do watch 9-1-1 and I'd hate to leave it in the dust like I did CSI and Chicago P.D. but I will once it's no longer entertaining.

I still haven't decided if I'll watch season 8 (I'm 95% sure I'll treat it like I did season 5, watch the episodes weeks after they air, so I won't get pissed off or I won't watch them at all like I did 5x7 since Eddie wasn't in it) but I refuse to sit through another season like the cluster "F" that season 7 was. I don't want to see another doppelgänger or anymore LIs that are used to delay CANON Buddie.

I needed to get this out of my mind and write it so I can move on.

It's ok to have an opposing opinion but if you do, post it on your own blog and don't reblog this because if you do, I will block you.

[lucky-clover-gazette]

prince's gambit highlights & annotations

chapter 19 and a half

(quoted BY HAND from the PAPER BOOK)

indented text is from the book. some quotes have commentary, some do not. some comments are serious, and some are definitely not. most of them will only make sense to people who have read the series. and, like, there are spoilers. so please read the books first if you're interested!

also: part of the reason i'm doing such a close reading is to study cs pacat's style, especially in terms of how she does romance and erotica. there are "craft notes" that might seem weird, like i'm being redundant or restating something rather than analyzing, but those are more things that i want to remember/take away from the writing!

i'm going to tag these longer posts with "sam reads capri" in case anyone wants to read them all at once.

this is a google doc i wrote with overall content warnings for the captive prince series. it's not perfect, but i do think it's important to include.

Damen was happy.

i love that it starts like this. for the first time in the entire series, it really is that simple

He felt the warm, wonderful, impossible fact of the situation. Bed slave.

interesting subversion here. i love how it hovers over discomfort for the reader, like we get why damen is pleased by this, but we can't 100% be on board with the sentiment. demonstrates damen's tendency to look away from the unpleasant in favor of the pleasant, even when those things overlap

'Come back to bed,' said Damen. 'I, said Laurent, and stopped.

ooooh he got the laurent speechless "i" with that one. laurent's probably feeling some shame and disbelief and maybe some dissociation? which makes the fact that damen takes his hand after this even better. it helps to ground him

'I—thought to towel you down.' The sweetness of it was startling. He realised with a little pulse of his heart that Laurent meant it. He was used to the ministrations of slaves, but it was an indulgence beyond any dream of decadence to have Laurent do this.

i think laurent's need to be clean after sex is a trauma/shame thing, so him offering the same to damen is almost a weird kind of protectiveness? like "it makes me feel better and safe after this overwhelming thing, and i want you to feel that way too." it's sweet in a different way from damen's understanding, or i guess just a deeper one.

Laurent had indeed taken care of matters, and had removed any evidence of their activities from his appearance. He did not look like someone who had just been fucked. Laurent's post-coital instincts were remarkably self-denying.

see comment above

'I lack," said Laurent, "the easy mannerisms that are usually shared with,' you could see him pushing the words out, 'a lover.' 'You lack the easy mannerisms that are usually shared with anyone,' said Damen.

i am so sad that this exchange isn't in the original book, because it's one of my favorites in the entire series. it pulls together so many thematic and character beats at one, with the book's consistent poignancy and humor. it's a great example of pacat's subtle dramatic irony and damen's corresponding lovestruck distraction from the truth. damen isn't being neglectful by misunderstanding laurent, he's accidentally manifesting a safe place for them both to be silly and strange and loving despite all the things he doesn't understand. which is what laurent really needs, to see that he can be loved and trusted, even if he's realizing this while actively caught up in his own lie.

also i'm a sucker for affectionate teasing.

'You thought of it?' 'You kissed me,' said Laurent. 'On the battlements. I thought of it.'

the contrast of damen looking at laurent in book 1 chapter 1 and thinking immediately "he'd be a very expensive sex slave" and laurent only starting to consciously think about damen in a sexual way after they kissed in the end of book 2...

Laurent was silent, as he fought an internal battle. Damen felt the quality of his stillness, the moment when he pushed himself to speak. 'You were different,' said Laurent. It was all he said. The words seemed to come from a deep place in Laurent, eked out from some core of truthfulness.

different from [redacted?] i sure hope so

'You can call me by my given name,' said Laurent. 'If you like.' 'Laurent,' he said.

LET'S GOOOOOO

gonna be a while until we get a 'damen' from laurent, but that's okay, i like the fact that i thiiiiink it comes after the reveal? and kind of a synthesis of the disconnected damen and damianos currently in laurent's head

'I'm not afraid of sex,' said Laurent. 'Then you can do as you like.' And that was the crux of the matter, it was suddenly clear from the look in Laurent's eyes. It was Damen's turn to hold himself still. Laurent was looking at him as he had since he had returned to the bed, dark-eyed and on the cusp. Laurent said, 'Don't touch me.' He was expecting... he wasn't sure what he was expecting. The first hesitant brush of Laurent's fingers against his skin was a shock. There was an odd sense of inexperience in Laurent, as though the role was as new to him as it was to Damen. As though all of this was new to him, which made no sense. The touch on his biceps was tentative, exploratory, as though it was something new to be marked out, the span of it, the shape of the curved muscle. Laurent's gaze was traveling over his body, and he was looked in the same way that he touched, as if Damen was new territory, unexplored, that he couldn't quite believe was under his command.

at the risk of exposing too much about myself, i will just say... real. and to see an approach like this depicted as endearing rather than unattractively strange is nice. some of this analysis gets a little too close to personal stuff that i'm not going to share, but i know why a lot of it hits and why it's helpful to me as a writer and a person to analyze.

also, just beautiful writing here. so little dialogue says so much, and the stream-of-consciousnesses from damen is perfect.

'He hadn't given himself over to sensation, he'd caught it up in an internal struggle.'

yeah.

Dark-eyed, as though touch was to him an extreme act.

from damen's perspective, it simply isn't. but to laurent, and a reader like me... man.

Laurent said, 'I didn't think anyone was good enough to get past your guard.' 'One person,' said Damen.

okay i get that damen was aiming for a double meaning here about laurent, but i do also want to make an almost certainly incomplete list of people who we know, at some point in this series, have gotten past damen's emotional and/or physical guard (whether to hurt him, seduce him, connect emotionally with him, or all of the above):

kastor

jokaste

the regent

laurent

nicaise

ancel

aimeric

kashel

erasmus

Then Laurent's gaze lifted—not to his own, but to the collar. His fingers lifted to touch the yellow metal, his thumb pressing into the nick. 'I haven't forgotten my promise. That I'd take off the collar.'

i think this is the exact moment where laurent's cognitive dissonance starts to irreversibly crumble. irreversibly, because he can't bring himself to keep reinforcing it. he knows who damen is, and what he did, and he still wishes to show him honor. i think he wishes for a lot more than that, but doesn't believe it's something he deserves. he still doesn't plan to tell the truth, probably for damen's sake more than his own, which is a kindness within itself. but i think laurent is accepting that damianos is damen, and in this moment at least, he feels at peace about it.

of course then nicaise happens and damen sticks around and laurent gets tortured and then they have to co-parent an army and shit just gets REALLY complicated in general, and then laurent does not feel peaceful about it at all. but right now, in the simplicity of damen's inevitable departure, i do think laurent feels a saddened kind of peace and acceptance of who damen really is: damianos the prince-killer, and damen, his lover. who he will love in return by setting him free.

'In the morning, you said.' 'In the morning. You can think of it as baring your neck to the knife.' Their eyes met. Damen's heartbeats were behaving oddly. 'I'm still wearing it now.' 'I know that.'

i'm intrigued by what they're really saying here. i'm mostly stuck on "you can think of it as baring your neck to the knife." laurent's comment could be a reference to previous dialogue, damen saying that he's only let his guard down for one person. as in, laurent's saying that he knows he's that person, and damen can think of laurent freeing him as removing the guard that laurent has both managed to reinforce and get past (the collar was literally a guard, in the case of the battle where it saved his life, and figuratively in many instances where his station as slave protected him). without the collar, and laurent's figurative protection, damen will find himself significantly more vulnerable than before—baring his neck to the knife of... life.

meanwhile, i think damen just wants another round while he can still have it. so he reminds laurent that he doesn't need to worry about that shit until the morning

(also: OH MY GOD. "BARING YOUR NECK TO THE KNIFE." NICAISE.)

His touch, once there, made its inevitable discovery. 'Overconfidence?' said Laurent. 'It's not—to a purpose.' 'I seem to recall otherwise.' Damen was halfway to being pushed down onto his back, with Laurent kneeling in his lap. 'All that self-restraint,' said Laurent.

hooray for another round of "sam tries to figure out what the fuck the dialogue has to do with the actual sex!" here's what i came up with:

l: (finds that damen is physically keen) (in the context of telling damen he's not allowed to touch, allowing laurent to do whatever he wants) you think i'm going to do anything about that for you?

d: it's there, but it doesn't mean that i want/need you to do anything you don't want to do

l: (choosing to take the literal meaning, instead of what damen actually meant, to deflect from his own discomfort) there have been plenty of times where you've clearly wanted to get off adjacent to me before (makes intent to fuck known) you must be restraining yourself so much

As Laurent leaned in, Damen unthinkingly lifted a hand to his hip to help balance him. And then realised what he had done. He felt Laurent's awareness of it. His hand was singing with tension. On the boundary of what was permitted. Damen could feel the shallowness of Laurent's breathing. But Laurent didn't pull away, instead, he inclined his head. Damen leaned in slowly, and, when Laurent didn't draw back, he pressed a single soft kiss to column of Laurent's neck. And then another.

He wanted to slide his hands up over Laurent's body. He wanted to see what would happen if this gentle attention was lavished on all of him, one part at a time, to see if he'd relax for even one, if he'd slowly begin to come apart, giving himself over to pleasure, the way he hadn't quite allowed himself to do at any moment except the climax, coming with flushed cheeks under Damen's thrusts. He didn't dare move his hand. His entire world seemed to have slowed, to the delicate shuddering of breath, the skitter of Laurent's pulse, the flush of Laurent's face and throat. 'That—feels good," said Laurent.

Laurent had forgotten himself enough to start moving against him. There was not even anything practiced about it, just a closed-eye seeking after pleasure. It was a shock to realise in the slight tremors, the flickering of breath, that Laurent was close, and how close he was, that he could come from being kissed, and this slow back-and-forth.

Maybe Laurent had always been this sensitive to tenderness.

it would make sense that the mindfucker supreme would also be supremely mindfucked, if he actually allowed someone to affect him in that way :)

That's it, Damen wanted to coax, and did not know if the words would be condescending.

a good call not saying it. praise kink would drive laurent insane, but probably not in a good way given his specific trauma. too close to past stuff, and hard to distinguish earnest sweetness from condescension

still hot though, which is probably part of why pacat included it in thought form

His own body was growing closer than he would have believed possible, from the feel of Laurent against him.

sex god fucking-since-he-was-thirteen damen discovering new orgasm strats from the traumatized not-quite-a-virgin-but-close laurent

Damen was smiling helplessly. 'That was adequate.' 'You've been waiting to say that.'

it wasn't even cleverly placed he just wanted to be a part of the bit 😭 and laurent is so fucked out that he can only half-heartedly mock him for the poor execution

'Let me.' Rolling him over and towelling him down, softly.

this sex scene literally has an arc. at the start: laurent doesn't even ask, just helps himself clean up, and offers the same to damen. is dissociated and unsure about what they've done. at the end: damen cleans laurent and laurent lets him, after giving himself to damen sexually and genuinely experiencing pleasure in his body.

'You can,' said Laurent, after a moment, meaning something else entirely. 'You're half-asleep.' 'Not quite.'

laurent assuming that he owes damen sex is so sad, but it also makes sense. and the fact that he doesn't take damen's respect of his consent and sleepiness seriously, because he's never been led to consider his own consent an important factor in whether or not he gets fucked. it's incredibly sweet to have this deeply erotic and gratifying moment for laurent where he doesn't actually have sex, because he doesn't need to, and that's respected and okay and portrayed just as lovingly and passionately as the actual sex.

Order me to stay, he wanted to say, and couldn't. Laurent was twenty years old, and the prince of a rival country, and even if their nations had been friends, it would have been impossible.

okay, but you just thought a few chapters ago that you could have totally courted him in those conditions. don't convince yourself you can't have this, that's what laurent literally just learned not to do in bed (very clever juxtaposition, by the way). i hope that someday these dumbasses can both manage to be honest with themselves at the same time, but today is not that day

'Until morning,' said Laurent. After a moment he felt Laurent's fingers come to rest on his arm, curling there slightly.

i think it's really unfortunate that this scene is not included in all versions of the book, although i do recall sex scenes in book 3 covering similar arcs/character development territory. but still. beautiful scene and i love them very much, and it also makes the nicaise stuff coming up feel even worse, and laurent's subsequent regression even more sad :(

[onebedtorulethemall]

Hi! I love your fics, TWR is one of my favorite coworker AUs to this day and BO deserves all the flowers it gets. I find it hard to leave comments sometimes as I’m reading since I usually need to chew on what I’ve read for a while to really decide what I want to say (and I never want to sound pushy for updates or whatever!), but I went back to leave a comment on one of your oneshots and found it deleted so that’s why I’m here. It was called A Life We Never Lived or something along those lines? The conversation you wrote between D/Hr involving the ring theory for grief literally lives in my brain. When Draco says something like “only you could create a system for grief and mismanage it”, maybe it was just a passing joke/throwaway line, but it felt so genuinely in character for both of them and really got to the core of why I love the Dramione dynamic in fics so much. Specifically post war/post canon with Hermione tackling her emotions with pure logic and not putting herself first, and Draco being kind of an ass but offering his own brand of support by recognizing shes struggling too and their sort of awkward kinship/healing together. It also just made me laugh out loud, your humor always comes through so well and that’s such a hard skill to develop! I know it wasn’t going to be overall lighthearted/HEA, but I loved what you had posted so far and just wanted to make sure you knew. Was there a reason you decided not to finish it/to delete it?

Ahaha! I really thought I'd gotten away with hiding that unfinished one-shot. It had all of 230 hits. Never in my wildest dreams did I think anyone would notice, let alone quote a line to me. Thank you, I'm incredibly flattered!

That poor fic was doomed from the start by an uncommitted author. The concept was to write a snapshot of their meeting on the anniversary of the Battle of Hogwarts every year for a decade, with letters exchanged between meetings, a secret relationship, heartache, and an eventual painful breakup. Sort of a "right person, wrong time" quiet tragedy. I posted the first 3k and struggled through another unposted 5k before I called it quits.

Actually, I did a little mental postmortem on it when I took it down, because it confirmed some things about myself as a writer that I thought were good lessons. So, here you go:

1. I need a plot before I start. I mean, I knew this, but now I *extra* know it. I had only a rough idea of where I was going, and that is not enough for me. A pantser I am not.

2. I have to finish a fic before I post it. My fics are usually 95-100% complete before I post, and this was the exception that proves the rule. I'm not sure why the post-as-you-go method doesn't work for me, but writing became instantly 100x harder once I'd posted part of it (which I only did because of the fest deadline).

3. I'm not really in control of the plot. To me, creating an outline is the process of discovering the story, as though I'm documenting something that has already happened. I always feel as though there's really only one way a story can go, once I know the characters. Well, I figured out pretty quickly once I belatedly started plotting that this one does NOT have an unhappy ending, but rather an angsty yet ultimately happy one. And this was for the UHEA fest, so...

4. Just because I want to read it doesn't mean I want to write it. I could have finished it with a HEA and removed it from the fest, but once I realized it was a quiet story about the slow unfolding of a relationship over the course of a decade, I'm afraid that was the end of it. I think it would have been an understated, bittersweet, character-centric little relationship study, but none of those things light up my genre fiction-loving brain. Love to read it, but I just can't find the spark to write it. And thus died my dreams of ever writing literary fiction (kidding, I never had those).

So that's the story! I dug up the part you mentioned and had a fun time rereading. I liked it way more than I remembered, and I'm sorry it won't come to fruition. If I knew how to get myself to write something I wasn't wholly invested in, I would absolutely finish it for you.

From "Scenes From a Life We Never Lived":

Thank you so much for this ask. Sometimes if I'm having a bad writing day or if the imposter syndrome is hitting, I like to pretend someone out there is laughing at some stupid joke I wrote (or, since finishing my gothic, is having a pleasant nightmare). Usually my brain tries to convince me this is impossible. I stockpile your kind words as evidence.

[powertaco]

Vol 9 Spoiler Rant (aka I have waited and thought on it and still dont’ like it/Ranting ahead

I hate Volume 9

I’ll start by saying that upfront so you aren’t shocked or surprised by a conclusion later down the line, and can leave if the notion of disliking it offends you.

I don’t doubt I’ll get many blocks or people who disagree with this take, which is fair since I’m putting the opinion out there and should be able to take it on the chin or stand by it. 

This will contain spoilers for V9, my thoughts on a lot of things, ships, and what not so if you want to turn back now the back button is over yonder.

If it’s disjointed I apologize but I’m not feeling my best, and the longer I think about it the more I dislike it and I’m sick of pretending and being toxically positive about it.

First off I’ll get a few things out of the way as things I approve of. 

The animation has largely grown phenomenally. There’s a few moments that are a little out of it (yo why you got a 3 foot neck Weiss?), but for the most part considering where we came from in the bass on the wall days of Volume 1. Big win here. 

The music. Good work Casey. Red Like Roses 3 is a banger, inside is great, and checkmate is…something. Overall good stuff. 

VA work. Good deal. Rob nails his ‘surprise’ villain as he always nails his roles but people seem to be putting their all into it. No hate here, and these guys clearly brought their A game. Good work!

This volume as a whole is very middling to me, bordering on bad depending on if or how V10 recontextualizes things that happened, which I will try to go into later. 

Essentially if you were a big fan of Bees this might be one of your favorites, but if you’re just kinda neutral to them like me then the volume didn’t have a lot to offer you and didn’t do much to really move the story forward.

Remember when Ambro said don’t fall in V8 like it was a big ominous thing, and remember how it ended up being almost entirely beneficial? Yeah so V9 was like that. Setting up stuff for an instant week to week payoff regardless of if it hurt the story or not cause we need that interest spiked to greenlight V10. 

For a Volume that took so long to make the entire thing is remarkably rushed. 

Why do Ruby and Weiss talk so little? Serious question. Even if you don’t ship them they’re supposed to be canon best friends, and yet they share almost as many lines together in the last few seasons as they do with Ren. In case you were wondering that’s not many. 

We had a reduced cast of characters and almost none of them can actually be bothered to interact meaningfully.

Why does Weiss and everyone keep ditching Ruby except Little? Ruby has a basically perfect assassin after her, and in the market everyone ditches her cause of nose hairs. 

But what can they do against Neo? Nothing, but they could maybe point her out, or talk and help distract her rather than leaving her to her own devices when she’s clearly not feeling well. 

Sometimes having someone there for you can help a lot, but instead we need to have Weiss backslide and the others abandon her so she can be alone to meet the smith. 

This is bad writing. I’m sorry but it is. Had this been Volume 1-3 Weiss? Sure I could buy this, but this is not that Weiss. If you need to have Ruby be alone to meet the smith, work harder. You had years for this. This would have gotten a C at best in a writing class with a see me after class/don’t keep using coincidences like this note attached to it. 

If you’re going to tell me I’m not a professional writer so I can’t critique then that’s asinine. I don’t drive trucks for a living but if I see one ramp off a cliff and into a pit I can tell you that, that guy/gal has messed up.

If Weiss wanted to help cheer on or try to get Bees together then that’s an even worse reason as the aforementioned ASSASSIN is after her partner.

“Oh but Neo wouldn’t attack in a busy market!” My guy do you know Neo “i live only to murder this woman’ AT ALL? There’s an amusing quote I can ascribe to her actions “i will kill as many people as I have to as long as you are one of them!” 

There was a reason the meme, ‘squads that would treat Ruby better’ was going around through volume 9 and even included pictures of villains. 

Blake and Ruby never talk outside of that one scene in V8, and Yang has focused way more on Blake and way less on being a sister. 

I’ve seen people defend her actions as being a target for her sister’s actions when she steps in front of Blake, but please note Yang just let her yell at Weiss and did nothing, until she starts yelling at Blake. 

Yeah, no I’m sorry she lets her have a go at Weiss and then when her girlfriend is getting her feefees hurt then she steps in. Her talking to her sister after the hound was nice (but again prob would have been a decent Weiss moment)

That’s bullshit. Had Yang stepped in or tried to when she was talking to Weiss then I could buy this, but as is it’s just another thing to hold against her. 

The bees eat a lot of screentime. If you’re a bee fan this is great. If you want story progression, this is not. 

The world bends and revolves around them very literally. We need to have a confession bridge show up so they can confess but we can’t get a ‘you have to talk about what’s bothering you’ camp you can’t leave until you talk things out for Ruby?

What are the rules of ever after? Basically w/e so the only reason Ruby can’t get that is cause well we want a breakdown. Again great writing. 

But let’s talk about it. Ruby has a breakdown. She complains there’s no time for her. It’s tragic because she’s put a lot of stuff on her own shoulders and internalized it. 

Good acting here, even from Jaune. 

Weiss puts out a hand and she flies away. 

When our heroes next see her she’s drank suicide tea. You can claim after the fact that ascension isn’t that (but i’m sorry that’s how it’s framed and the whole zooming into Yang’s eye thing is explicitly treated like it’s meant to be a big deal and get people talking)

Tragic truly, but you know what she believes in herself now, and now she’s all better. Her depression and desire to die are gone. I don’t know how it helps with Salem, as I’d be willing to bet Summer also believed in herself but it didn’t seem to help her much. If they go more into this in V10 I will retract this and accept it but I’m not in the mood to be forgiving to them atm.

Also again right after Ruby ‘kills’ herself they stop to help Jaune…just I’m sorry what?

Jaune still takes up too much time and serves a role that’s almost not needed and I don’t even hate or dislike him. His interesting development is stripped away at the end. 

By deaging Jaune now they can’t explain where they were with any real proof. A few scroll pics of a weird cat thing isn’t going to cut it. 

He has a few gray stripes and will likely go back to acting like he normally does and other than Nora ragging him about them once or twice will likely not be mentioned again. He may on occasion get to say something ‘wise’ but I’m doubting it since he went back to being the same almost right away. 

So rather than an aged, mature, and slightly damaged man going back and having to relate to his friends/people he knew he’s the same. Awesome development. 

Plus side is that now that deaging is canon DWR can still win! Anyway he takes entirely too much focus away. 

Ruby complains about how they have no time cause they have to help Jaune, and what do they do almost instantly after she ‘kills’ herself? Stop and help Jaune. It’s tonal whiplash. 

I get that JNPR are supposed to be deuteragonist but holy hell almost all the time goes to Jaune who is by far the least interesting of the bunch imo even with all the time dumped into him. 

Can we get more Ren and Nora? This could have been a good way for Nora to ‘learn’ who she is without Ren. 

If Nora had fallen(say off her hammer into the void at the start from Cinder during the scuffle with Penny in the air) and they met a wizened Nora who tried to act chipper but was clearly putting up a front it would be a great foil/combo with Ruby. 

It would also make her reuniting with Ren and being ready for a relationship in the next volume all the sweeter. 

We spend an episode on the red prince. Neat. You know what would have been better for it? Almost anything else, say perhaps after Ruby’s ‘suicide’ they spend a few frantic minutes trying to get to the tree until they see the reincarnated paper pleasers and then are like oh, ok so she’ll prob come back/be alright instead of just ‘we did what we can’. 

Girl I love you Weiss but you all did jack shit. You made one half hearted effort and stopped, and then every time Ruby might have gotten to talk they needed to help Jaune or something interrupted. 

Good work being the best partner ever by the way especially when Ruby spends a large portion of the volume helping you with all your problems and rushing to your side without a bit of hesitation and in return you muster up…about nothing. 

They did it in genlock and did it twice in this volume and arguably with Penny/Vine last volume. “Suicide is great!” Please stop doing this. 

Speaking of Penny if you like her you might want to get CRWBY to be pallbearers at your funeral so they can let you down one last time. 

If you liked Nuts’ and Dolts even more condolences. They’d have many chances to imply deeper feelings than friendship between them and take none of them. Her farewell song is called Friend where she talks about being friends with Ruby. 

During the fight with her clones, the Penny clone never once says she loves her. This is Neo, mouse killer and person with the largest hateboner for Ruby in the show. 

She is twisting the knife as much as she can so you can bet if she thought there was even an inkling there was more than friendly feelings between them she’d have had the clone say she loved her just to do that little bit more mental damage, but she didn’t. 

If there was ever a time to bring it up to put her off balance it was now. Neo is under no pressure and has no reason to not do so, so it basically sinks the ship. Well more than her being dead already does. 

I swear to god if they go to Vacuo and Pietro is in a coma or dead and there’s a new Penny I’m going to call Akira Toriyama and tell him RWBY is aping Dragon Ball because there’s no stakes in life or death anymore. 

Oh right, speaking of Neo she’s pretty ok until the end where she decides she’s cool with Ruby, gets to get the kill on the cat and then just bows out and leaves, and everyone is…strangely cool with that. 

Ascension or not I’m just struggling to think that any of them should just want her to essentially get away scot free. This woman tried to kill Ruby or get her to commit suicide and killed Little and we’re cool with letting her go because she killed the cat who was no longer a threat to them and did a hat doff? Um…yeah sure. I bet Yang is ok with people almost killing her sister, Weiss her best friend, etc. Then again maybe these versions of the characters are. 

I don’t care much about how ascension will change her; she's paid for nothing she’s done. “Get your revenge and you’ll get it and still get away scoTt free’. Ok last of us two. 

I can not overstate how pointless the suicide feels. 

It feels like they wanted her to do it, but have it not ‘take’ or have consequences because they’re in ever after and can say ‘hey the ascension thing fixes it’. 

Look, I'm glad the bees got together. Really I’m happy for you, but if you take out the Bee stuff, and the pining you’re left with a threadbare story that is only barely there since it’s all resolved in about five minutes. 

We all deserve better than that. The characters deserve better than that. 

I could keep going as this just scratches the surface level but it’s pissing me off to keep thinking about it. 

[barbiegirldream]

where's my Song of Achilles anon at ! I read the book. liked some stuff didn't like other stuff. it was fanficition of a two thousand year old poem from a three thousand or more year old story. stuff gets silly. Odysseus was still my favorite he's always my guy. Anyway rest of my thoughts under the cut

I think I liked the perspective of Patroclus a really normal guy next to the warrior of the ages. One pov of a boy unsure of his place in the world surrounded by men older and claiming to be wiser and his godly boytoy.

this personally made me cackle. Patroclus is that oh my god get him some brown contacts please meme.

The myths were actually pretty good. I like how vague they were about Patroclus's mother there are like six different women in history claimed to be her it's really Patroclus's paternal ancestors that matter.

I think it's genuinely a major issue with the plot that Patroclus knew of the prophecy and still acted in accordance to Homeric Legend. I just think he should have found out right before but too late when they're in Troy already perhaps in an angry scorn from Thetis about he'll lose too.

Like you I also thought it was stupid as fuck how Patroclus was a totally useless twink. Didn't even know about legendary Myrmidons the fighting force named after his great grandfather mind you. The mythic ant stuff is literally his own family history.

Achilles being so nervous about the war only to fall into it so easily. Like a god finding their domain he was born for it. I really enjoyed the nitty gritty of war planning too. Him getting Achilles dressed the lips being the only part of him still soft. That was awesome why is that no quoted more. Achilles climbing onto Patroclus covered in blood like god that scene is going to be in my head on a loop. There is so much to it. Patroclus knowing him by scent and touch alone but what creature has come to wake him? Achilles so proud of what he's done seeing the revulsion in his lover who was so sure nothing Achilles could do would revolt him.

There could have for sure been so much more to a much more sensitive Patroclus being unable to love Achilles anymore and that's why Achilles stops fighting until Patroclus realizes he can't hold back his demigod lover from greatness. Taking the book in a radical direction but alas.

Brisies was very well done I appreciated her character a lot. I think it was a very good choice to expand on her mythos and remove a lot of the violence. People often read myths and go oh so he raped her when that's either not stated in the text/not needed to include other than their fetishes driving them.

ALSO so fucking annoying Patroclus doesn't die because he's no good at fighting he dies because Hector is Better. Hector is the sole reason the Acheans struggled. He was the Trojan Achilles idk how that point got turned into well Patroclus could barely hold a spear tee hee. Spending the whole book being like Patroclus can't fight ooh one of Achilles's generals is useless. To then be like jk as in accordance with the Iliad he's really good and killed a bunch of people is actually bad writing sorry. I did giggle at Apollo just fucking with him knocking him off the wall all pretty like just twirling his perfect hair.

Turning Troilus the son of Apollo who Achilles chased down tried to rape and then beheaded in the temple of Apollo leaving his mutilated body for his father to die and therefore the reason Apollo kills him into a random death cause the boy was an idiot. Like Troilus literally the Greek representation of losing a young son to unjust murder. Well okay then...

Thetis raising Achilles's son here is so perfect because that boy is rancid. He saw Agememnon and said I could do worse watch I'll go kill Hector's baby just for fun. And they really delivered on what a piece of fucking shit he was.

Thetis giving in, in the end was really good. Liked it

Overall I think the book was really good. I approached it from the knowledge this is taking thousands of years of myths and giving it to the perspective of a side character and I think it delivered.

[blackjackkent]

NSFW Alphabet - Jaheira x Rasaad

This is a follow-up to my previous completion of this meme with Hector and Karlach. :D

Original meme: NSFW Alphabet

@astreamofstars expressed interest in a version of it for my rarepair extraordinaire, Jaheira and Rasaad, so here it is. :D This is primarily a lot of headcanon and ideas from our DM discussions, and also based on my only E-rated writing of them up to this point, which was this ask meme response from a few months ago.

I originally received this as a tag meme, so please consider yourself tagged if you see this and would like to do this meme for your own pairings! And feel free to tag me to read your responses. :)

18+ NSFW content under the cut. :D

A = Aftercare (What they’re like after sex)

The overall throughline theme in all these answers, you'll find, is that one of the things Jaheira and Rasaad have in common is that they're both overtly placid and reserved people who have a core of real animal ferocity in them. And their lovemaking reflects this, being a very intense and primal release compared to their day-to-day behavior.

Given this, their aftercare is tremendously soft and gentle. Rasaad in particular (paralleling his more day-to-day struggles between his principles and darker instincts) can have a significant "drop" if he's been particularly rough, and so they focus a lot on close contact, soothing touches, reassurance, and connection in the aftermath.

B = Body part (Their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

Jaheira finds Rasaad's eyes extremely striking and expressive, and she likes his hands which are simultaneously dextrous and very strong depending on the moment. (Her dialogue in BG3 also makes it clear she's a fan of a good butt, and Rasaad does not fail in this regard either. ;) )

Rasaad's opinion... to quote Wash from Firefly: "I definitely have to say it was her legs. You can put that down! Her legs, and right where her legs meet her back. That - actually that whole area. That and - and above it." He's kind of a fan of the whole package and how it all moves together. He's often fascinated by watching her come out of wildshape and the way her whole body moves through that process.

C = Cum (Where does your muse prefer to cum/have someone cum?)

There are definitely a few parallels between my answers for Hector and Rasaad, and this is one of them; once again, the whole thing is very much about all of his normal restraint and discipline being ripped away and being reduced to instinct, which usually means coming inside her, which Jaheira has no objection to because she enjoys that ferocity and loss of control in him (and herself).

This is how Rion ends up accidentally happening, because they get lax about follow-up measures later in life, thinking that they're beyond the point where anything will come of it. :P

D = Dirty secret (Pretty self explanatory: a dirty secret of theirs)

To be honest, I think the two of them are pretty open with each other. It's really a hallmark of their relationship, over time, that given how emotionally buttoned-up and restrained they both are in other circumstances, with each other they find a safe place to be open without judgment.

There are times, particularly early in their relationship, where Jaheira's thoughts randomly flick to Khalid during intimate moments with Rasaad and it gets her emotions very jumbled and complicated. So I think that's probably something she struggles to reconcile at times although it gets easier as their relationship goes on.

Rasaad starts out being embarrassed or cautious about his "baser urges" and more primal, rough inclinations, and it takes a while for them to realize they're more on the same page about this than either expected. XD

E = Experience (How experienced are they? Do they know what they’re doing?)

Jaheira is decidedly more experienced than Rasaad. Her upbringing as a druid was pretty matter-of-fact about sex and casual hookups for fun were a standard fact of life in her young adulthood. After getting together with Khalid, she lost her taste for casual sex, but had plenty of experience with him. So by the time she is with Rasaad she is a seasoned professional.

Rasaad, meanwhile, has basically no idea what he's doing. (His romance in BG2 has lines from the PC indicating his kissing technique is enthusiastic but unrefined and "sloppy". XD ) He operates quite a lot on instinct but responds well to Jaheira's guidance where necessary.

(If I had a nickel for every ship I've written recently about an emotionally repressed, sexually inexperienced monk falling in love with a more experienced woman with a history of terrible loss and trauma, I'd have two nickels. Which isn't a lot, but it's weird that it happened twice, and almost certainly says nothing about me personally. XD )

F = Favorite position (This goes without saying)

They tend to mix it up a lot, I think.

The one I picture them settling on most, though, is something that I can't find an official name for other than the incredibly unromantic term "prone bone". 😅 Jaheira on her stomach, Rasaad lying on top of her, pinning her down, arms around her. Sometimes a hand on her throat but without any pressure. (Fundamentally something like doggy style but more intimate.)

G = Goofy (Are they more serious in the moment? Are they humorous? etc.)

Neither of them are particularly goofy people; I think the act itself is almost always very intense and focused and passionate. In the endorphin release afterwards, though, as they both start to relax, there will be moments of humor (more from Jaheira, though; Rasaad never quite gets the hang of jokes :P ).

H = Hair (How well groomed are they? Does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)

Gonna go ahead and headcanon, for no particular reason, that while Jaheira's head hair got much lighter from BG1 to BG2/3, some of her body hair maintained the dark auburn-brown color that she had in BG1, which makes for an interesting level of contrast that Rasaad finds quite appealing.

Rasaad, of course, shaves his head scrupulously, but his body hair matches his eyebrows (and eyes) and is very dark black. He has very thick chest hair and a dramatic treasure trail, leading to Jaheira occasionally joking that it's where he's hiding all the stuff that is supposed to be on his head.

(Mildly related - there's no official art that shows Khalid without a helmet but I headcanon him as having a head of very thick hair, and I think Jaheira was used to running her hands through it and gripping on during sex; it takes her a little while with Rasaad to get used to there being nothing to hang onto there. :P )

I = Intimacy (How are they during the moment? The romantic aspect)

Both of them would say that their moments together are intensely romantic. Any onlooker not inside their heads would say it seems very intense, passionate, rough, almost violent at times, and might have trouble identifying the romance in it.

This is because a lot of their (intimate) romance is rooted in the fact that with each other they are casting off all the restraint that marks their day-to-day, giving in to the animal nature that sits underneath their placidity. They are safe with each other, and free.

(As noted above, the aftercare is a lot softer and more overtly romantic. A lot of gentle touches and cuddling and talking about anything and everything.)

J = Jack off (Masturbation headcanon)

Jaheira's Harper responsibilities (especially after they return to Baldur's Gate for the long term) require her to occasionally travel separate from Rasaad for brief periods of time. The two of them are both much better at steamy love letters than they are at spur-of-the-moment dirty talk, and the correspondence exchanged between them during these periods is extremely spicy. Both of them use it for significant "inspiration" during these periods of separation, although both also consider it a poor substitute for the real thing. XD

K = Kink (One or more of their kinks)

As represented in the aforementioned ask meme fill, there is a distinct aspect of power play in their lovemaking, but in several different contrasting ways. It's a bit of a challenge to figure out how to describe this, but I see it as being Jaheira being emotionally dominant and Rasaad being physically dominant.

The overall flow of the encounter is entirely under Jaheira's control; she holds him back, restrains him, teases him, works both of them up to a breaking point. And then she lets the moment snap and he takes control and it all becomes very physical and fast and rough.

This originated out of Rasaad's initial lack of experience - he would try to get down to business more or less right away and Jaheira had to teach him the value of a good build-up. XD

I think they also involve pain in very mild ways in the process. Marking each other with bites or scratches, mostly. Rasaad might pull her hair or cover her mouth or (as mentioned above) put a hand on her throat or neck without pressure.

L = Location (Favorite places to do the do)

Jaheira very much prefers being out in nature for most things and this is no exception. Her favorite of their trysts have been when they're on the road together with no one around in any direction and can be out in the open (ideally under the moonlight, which Rasaad enjoys). It's not really about the thrill of being "in public" so much as being out in the world, away from civilization, focused only on each other.

Once they find an abandoned and rather overgrown Selunite shrine and make love there and both of them have really confused feelings about it and decide not to do it again, but the sex is fantastic. XD

M = Motivation (What turns them on, gets them going?)

Both of them respond very favorably to each other's power in battle or anything in their adventures that causes an adrenaline rush. Light, teasing touches are a good bet, as is the hint of teeth or biting within a kiss. Anything involving one gently restraining the other. ("Like cats," Jaheira comments once. "Hold us in place and at once we will hiss and scratch, all our fur standing on end.")

When Rasaad starts teaching Jaheira martial arts, the lessons regularly get cut off early. XD He also gives her very skillful massages (as he does for the PC in his BG2 romance line), and these can often lead to things getting more hot and heavy.

N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

Jaheira has told Rasaad about some druids who make use of wildshaping during sex (a la that Halsin sex scene). Both of them are pretty firmly in the "no thank you" camp on that, though. (However, Jaheira will sometimes wolf or panther up during snuggle times. XD )

O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

I see both of them as being more inclined to use their hands than their mouths.

Early in their relationship, Rasaad is not particularly skilled at it; he gets better over time with Jaheira's guidance, but much prefers using his mouth on the rest of her body while touching or fucking her.

Jaheira, once again, is much more practiced in this regard. Too practiced, really; Rasaad sometimes tends to get a little too excited too quick when she uses her mouth. XD (And who can blame him?)

P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)

Sensual in the leadup, very fast and rough in the act, sensual in the aftermath. Jaheira sometimes describes their foreplay as the fuse before an explosion.

There are exceptions to this, of course; sometimes they'll have softer, sweeter nights together, particularly if they've had a tiring or very emotional day. On these nights, they'll often spoon up on their sides together so he can hold her close. This becomes a lot more common during the very end of their relationship and especially when they do have sex while Jaheira is pregnant with Rion.

Q = Quickie (Their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

Given Jaheira's history with casual sex, I think she's more comfortable with the concept of a quickie than Rasaad is. Overall, though, they tend to focus on scenarios where they can take their time, given how much they like to focus on the buildup and giving in to the feelings.

R = Risk (Are they game to experiment? Do they take risks? etc.)

I think they experiment with a lot of different positions. Both of them are supremely fit and flexible which leads to a lot of room for creativity. It's not really particularly planned out in advance, though, so much as moving in the flow of the moment and finding things that feel good.

S = Stamina (How many rounds can they go for? How long do they last?)

As with Hector, Rasaad's stamina is very well-honed as a result of his life of monk training. He can last for quite a long time as long as he remains focused. (That said - Jaheira is very good at making him LOSE focus, and his discipline has a tendency to slip when she's involved.)

Fundamentally, though, as referenced elsewhere in these questions - the actual act itself is fairly quick and explosive. Their stamina is less relevant than their patience - which Rasaad, in moments of high emotion, distinctly lacks in comparison to Jaheira, which means that she can get him very worked up before she's ready to let him have his way with her.

T = Toys (Do they own toys? Do they use them? On a partner or themselves?)

Maybe not toys specifically, but Jaheira's magic definitely comes into play sometimes. Druid spells with potentially interesting uses include: Entangle (restraints), Gust (puffs of air on sensitive spots), Druidcraft ("tiny sensory effects"), Thorn Whip (maybe), Hold Person (restraints again), Water Breathing (underwater shenanigans), and Giant Insect (just kidding).

U = Unfair (How much they like to tease)

As referenced in a number of these answers, it is all about the teasing - mostly from Jaheira to Rasaad, both of them deeply enjoying the slow straining of their mutual self-control until it cracks. Occasionally the roles are reversed and it's Rasaad doing the teasing, but this is a lot less common and requires him to be in a very particular mood for it.

V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

Both of them are very vocal, a lot of crying out/moaning/etc. Jaheira has a tendency to start out trying to say things - terms of endearment, encouragement, expressions of desire - and then have the language start dissolving into inarticulate sounds as things get more intense. Rasaad growls/roars as he starts getting worked up and takes control - though at the moment of climax he gets abruptly very quiet and focused.

W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character)

Given that they are both very vocal, Jaheira sometimes keeps a supply of scrolls of Silence on hand, which they have used during sex. They find that this helps keep them from being heard, but also completely mutes any sound between them as well; this wasn't really the intended effect but it adds an odd frisson that they both find they kind of like - the same sort of sensory deprivation as a blindfold but while still being able to look in each other's eyes.

X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)

Rasaad is very stocky, squared off, and muscular. He and Jaheira are almost exactly the same height - he's actually a hair or two shorter. His skin bears a lot of old scars, most of which go back to his life on the street prior to the monastery. The tattoo on his face reaches down his neck and all the way over one shoulder. He's well-endowed, but more in girth than length.

Jaheira is more slender and gives the appearance of being taller than she is. She's also deceptively strong relative to how muscular she looks. Even as a young woman, her skin has a somewhat weathered aspect to it from a life spent almost exclusively out in nature/adventuring; she's not quite as scarred but does have a few major ones, including the one on her face which came from being attacked by a bird of prey as a young druid. Her breasts are relatively small but a good solid handful. XD

Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

Average? Jaheira's is generally higher than Rasaad's, as he spent most of his life pretty closed off from the concept and isn't in the habit of thinking about it, whereas it was a more natural part of life for all of her adulthood. Neither of them tend to say no very often when the other wants to get them going, though. XD

Jaheira's decreases significantly when she becomes pregnant with Rion, as she grows very uncomfortable in her own body, which adds to the emotionally complex nature of the whole experience for her and frustrates her deeply. Rasaad tries to make up for it with a lot of snuggling and massages though.

Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

As (again) mentioned above, the aftercare come-down is pretty significant for them so I think there's usually a lot of time spent afterwards in cuddling/touching/talking before falling asleep. It's a meditative, connecting period for both of them and they both value it too much to rush through it.

(The exception here is if they're both completely worn out from other stuff, in which case the sex itself is usually slower and gentler and they might have the habit of dropping off pretty fast, or even without disentangling from each other. XD )

[themswritinwords]

The Hundred Fifty Seven Deaths of the Immortal Ethan Ellis: Cast profiles: Ethan Ellis

The man himself (Ethan) - he/him; 24 years old biologically, 310 years old chronologically; Quietly Depressed Optimist in Desperate Need of a Hug and a Nap

Depressed, traumatized, self-sacrificial, dysfunctional, exhausted--what's not to relate to love?

Just woke up during his own autopsy. That's definitely not going to unearth any poorly-buried Issues!

What do you mean endless gallows humor and self deprecation aren't healthy coping mechanisms?

*slaps bruised and blood-stained noggin* This bad boy can fit so much mental illness and metaphor in him.

The result of a necromancer-wannabe's attempts at immortality; ex-human-guinea-pig with all of the attendant moral, philosophical, and psychological conundrums that come with death being a temporary condition.

One of three "successful" experiments. The other two adjusted pretty well, all things considered. Ethan did not.

Alas, they didn't have therapy in colonial America. You know what they did have, though? An abundance of dangerous life paths and causes worth dying for. That's not gonna reinforce any dangerous thought patterns or unhealthy mental states, I'm sure!

Longest streak between deaths has been just shy of 4 years. All but one of them has been his own dang fault. He is fully aware of this, but in a deeper sense, he is entirely unaware of this.

Always cared more about others than himself. This got infinitely worse when he realized he could die without consequences (supposedly).

Animals hate him! and no that is not just the start of a clickbait article. Every animal he's met since getting immortal'd has tried to put him back in the ground. He used to be a cat person, though.

Chronically friendless and self-isolated. People don't handle the dead guy coming back to life very well, and he's gotten more than one witness in life-ruining trouble by reviving in front of them. He finds it easier to just stay away from people on all but a surface level. (Again, I can't imagine that's going to cause problems down the line....)

Travels like an overripe peach, which is to say he is the King of Motion Sickness

Repeated resurrection has turned the man into a caloric dumpster. Over the course of a day and a half he consumes ~30 chicken nuggets, four burgers, a large fry, a medium bag of chips, a popsicle, and half a cup of ice and he's still desperately hungry.

Flip flops between annoying little brother energy and annoyed big brother energy depending on who he's arguing with at the time.

Wants: Everyone and Everything to leave him tf alone (also a shower)

Needs: One good reason to live and way fewer reasons to get himself killed

Immediate goals: Keep his only friends from getting dragged down with him and all his issues

Long term goals: None, and that's rather the point (not that this is a recurring theme in my characters or anything....)

Character arc can best be described as: that quote that's like "Dying is easy, living is hard;" the shift from hope, caring, and love as passive traits to hope, caring, and love as active choices worth making

Favorite things about writing him

The Catharsis. There's a reason so many of my OCs end up with mental illnesses and unhealthy patterns of thought. Ethan is just the most explicit of these self-inserts.

The snarcasm and humor were both challenging and so fun. I'm not a witty person by nature, so it took a bit of perspective shift to get right. I think I got better a dialogue overall by writing him.

He's a very internal and thought-ful person, and it was an interesting balance to write. He always thinks more than he says and feels more than he thinks.

Not to toot my own horn, but his third act breakdown and "Oh Sh*t" moment were a delight to write and some of my strongest writing moments.

His voice is very informal and sarcastic, and it was fun to write genuine horror in a goofball, this-might-as-well-happen sort of way.

[elphabaoftheopera]

HELLO!!!! how are you? it's been a while haha 😅... but, long story short, after watching wicked last night im back in the fandom! and what better way to celebrate than read a fic by my favourite author 🥳 ? so, i read "In Any Universe", and boy do i have a lot of good things to say about it!!!!!

this fic is awesome, im sad that i didn't read it earlier! it had my favourite tropes that were amazingly executed, along with so many wacky and interesting alternate universes 😁😁! some that stood out to me were fake dating, masquerade, family and musical. to say that i really enjoyed these would be an understatement!!!! first of all, fake dating is my absolute favouriteee trope, so i was so so excited to see it applied to fiyeraba so well! the masquerade was honestly a really interesting plotline, and the musical universe was cool to see referenced! and family au was soo adorable, and parents fiyeraba make me feel so happyyyy ❤️❤️! overall, they were all so so romantic and cute and made me realise how much i miss fiyeraba 🥺!! i also really liked the general storyline, and the pipeline of fiyero coming to terms and accepting his situation was so lovely and satisfying to read!

i was wondering if you had any little facts about this fic? it was super creative and i couldn't help but love every separate storyline!!!!!

sorry for gushing, im just super happy to be back and reading your fics again! ill hopefully in the fandom again for a while, so i can find the time to read some other works of yours and maybe reread 😁😁😁

@melop-sia!!!!! It's so wonderful to hear from you!!!! Welcome back to the Wicked fandom! Your message just made my entire day, I actually screamed when I read that I was a favorite author of yours, words like that TRULY go a long way. thank you for your thoughts on In Any Universe. I had so much fun writing that one!

Welllllll since you asked, I'd love to share a little bit about it!

Light spoilers for In Any Universe below the cut!

The idea came to me when I was just thinking a lot about fanfiction tropes in a loving way, inspired by fanfiction writers and our tendency to put the same characters into countless different situations/lives and have them fall in love all the same. I got the idea when I was driving (most of my ideas come when I'm driving) about my otp essentially going on a "tour" through the different tropes. Initially it was supposed to be 100% comedic and self aware.

I didn't have a strong throughline planned out in the beginning that would set them off on their journey. I thought about (and even drafted) Fiyero mentioning how "random" it was that they got together and if any one thing was different they'd probably not be together, then I'd have Elphaba take offense to that. But it just wasn't working, especially because I was clinging to the idea that I wanted Fiyero to be human in the present timeline. Once I finally released my hold on that idea and let him be a Scarecrow, the story throughline became much clearer to me! It was easier to write when Fiyero had a "lesson" to learn (sort of "It's a Wonderful Life" style, though I've never seen that movie). That of course made the throughline a bit more serious, as well as some of the timelines getting increasingly darker.

I just can't resist angst and hurt/comfort no matter how hard I try!

I just really love the quote I put at the beginning of the story about finding the same person over and over.

As for the stories within the story, I just started by making a list of as many tropes I could think of. Fake dating, fix-it fic, crossover, etc. and eventually trimmed it down to the stories that made the cut. I wrote them all out of order and then stitched them together later with the throughline story. I think I did the coffee one first, then the masquerade, and then I put it down for several months (as is my style) and picked it back up with the Wicked actor one.

I really considered breaking the story up into chapters and sometimes I regret the fact that I didn't, I still consider breaking it up because I know it's very long. Still I think it flows better as a singular piece but at least can be easily read in multiple sittings if you're like me and need mind breaks.

When I decided to make it one single piece I made a real effort to keep the sections snappy and not longer than they needed to be. I was pretty obsessed over word count and keeping it below a certain amount (I think 1000 words). I think the Fake Dating one ended up being the longest and the hardest to keep trimmed. Still, I wanted each story to have a satisfying arc in its own way.

One challenge I gave myself (which was VERY difficult) is that I didn't use the word "love" until the very end when Fiyero told Elphaba he loved her after getting shot. I came to that idea later on and had to edit a lot of the earlier stories. Then he says he loves her many times in the finale scene.

I thought it strengthened his lesson about being grateful for what they did have. I found it really important to mirror the "can't imagine thinking about how things might be different" (paraphrasing) in the worst timeline with her dying in the cornfield with what he'd said in the beginning.

As for the ending I did leave it slightly ambiguous, but I believe as the writer that the journey he went on was real and not a dream (kind of like I believe that in Wizard of Oz Dorothy's experience really happened, even though it seemed like Dorothy was waking up from a dream). However, I wanted to the reader to decide for themself!

I think my favorite ones to write were the Fiyeraba family (I love them as parents!), Coffee shop AU, and the Masquerade. I also found it clever and trippy to do the Wicked actors, but that one was by far the hardest challenge!

I so appreciate your readership and engagement with my work!!!! Please reach out in the future if you ever have thoughts or questions.

I don't want to jinx it because it's still early days but I'm excited to say I've been writing again (Fiyeraba, obviously) now that my life has more time. We'll see where it takes me, so be on the lookout!

[embossross]

hi!! just an hour ago i came across your work of the devotion of the girl in the mirror and i’m hooked. i am sucked in and there is no getting out. not that i would want to anyway after crossing the initial hesitancy over the subject i’ve only ever briefly read up on.

the way u write has my brain buzzing with colors and sending shivers down my spine over the interactions and relationships ur creating. several times i wanted to eat my fist over rindou not being real, other moments i had to pause when i noticed how warm my cheeks and neck were from blushing. then at times, which compete for my favorite, were the literature references (+ your overall writing) that made me want to send this ask. moments that helped give the characters life. what literature and music, of any and all kinds, would u recommend??

like rindou i like to balance work and life, keeping them separate, and would love to read/explore new content while waiting to see what happens next and what it takes for rindou to crack a smile or a laugh. (there were several descriptions and details that were favorites but “Rindou’s laugh is as deep as his speaking voice. It seems to break free from him, resonant and rich. Even more rare than his smile, though no less precious.” is one that made me buzz whether it’s from the progress or wish to read him laugh idk i’m rambling) GAH your writing has ruined me in the best way possible. it’s been lots of fun so thank u for writing this and sharing. cant believe i’m gonna think about coins while drinking coffee

it has your brain buzzing with colors?!?!?!?! oh that's just the most beautiful compliment my writing has ever received. i'm shaking now!

describing someone's laugh is - i think - literally one of the hardest things to do without either losing the magic that is laughter or being a complete cliche, so that is SUCH a compliment to have you call that out 😊 like i'm seriously giddy reading this whole review/ask.

but getting to your question about lit recommendations...i legitimately gasped. that's my bag. that's my moment. i need a read more!!!

thank you so much for giving me an excuse to share ughhh i love it so much. unfortunately don't have any real music recs (like tbh i live by taylor swift), but i'll give you too many book recs to make up for it.

the biggest direct influences i thought about in this story - other than the ones i quote at the end are:

Snow Country by Yasunari Kawabata – though this is a less happy outcome, explores intimacy and a kind of doomed love. (note: this is an almost embarrassing reference because I am like a kindergartner compared to his writing)

The Bell Jar by Sylvia Plath - girl in the mirror is actually a reference to this one as that was the working title. My themes about branching choices and the future are directly inspired by this novel.

The Idiot by Elif Batuman - collegiate coming of age stuff for reader 😊

Fanfiction! lots and lots of fanfiction. i reblog my faves from the anime fandoms but honestly, i've been reading for like 15 yrs now and i have a lot of fanfiction-isms in my writing. it's the biggest influence because you can't have 2 characters just sit down and talk and fall in love in published books. that's such a fanfic thing to try to capture that dialogue and process in its own right.

these aren't as direct or references for devotion of the girl in the mirror, but they are books i would recommend anyone and all deal with like love or eroticism or character in a way that i think largely impacts my writing:

Giovanni's Room by James Baldwin - I literally read this while writing the 1st draft, so I think the influence is probably there

Love in the Time of Cholera by Gabriel Garcia Marquez

Mexican Gothic by Silvia Garcia Moreno - so sexy

Palimpsest by Catherynne M. Valente - best erotic writing, not best sex, best eroticism

After the Winter by Guadalupe Nettel

A Manual for Cleaning Women by Lucia Berlin - live & die for her writing and ability to convey rich characters

The Ten Loves of Mr. Nishino by Kawakami Hiromi

In the Miso Soup by Ryu Murakami - NOT SEXY OR ROMANTIC but does impact some of the writing about tokyo specifically, especially the criminal underbelly

[amandacantaleblog]

Building Trust: A Pulitzer Center Resource - Reflection #1

Building Trust: A Pulitzer Center Resource was a great video to watch. I think the video did a good job of encapsulating how to address and deal with sensitive or traumatic topics and situations as a journalist. It is crucial to build trust between you and your subject. At the beginning of the video, I found it interesting how Melissa Noel emphasized that it is not only experienced journalists with 20-plus years under their belt who deal with sensitive topics but also new journalists as well. It does not matter the experience or industry, all types of journalists experience and most likely will report on sensitive stories at some point in their careers. 

I enjoyed how each journalist got to speak and as the audience, I got to hear them voice their opinions. They all had different experiences on the topic so, that was extremely interesting. Additionally, I enjoyed how the video was broken up based on questions. For me, it was easier to digest the information and to follow along with the speaker.  

All of the speakers said that as a journalist you have to be honest with your source and to be upfront about what you are writing about. I feel that can be daunting at times. A quote by Grantee Meghan Dhaliwal stuck with me. She said, “You are not thinking about the deadline, you are thinking about the people in front of you. Be a human first.” At times, I feel that journalists can get too clouded by the timing of their assignments and are blinded by their pressing deadlines. Sometimes, they can forget why they are writing and interviewing on this sensitive topic. Our role as journalists is to share hard stories and do it respectfully and ethically. 

I appreciated how the speakers shared that journalists need to acknowledge the trauma and not skip past it or brush over it. Good stories take time and to hear from the source, the journalist needs to build trust. I also found it helpful to focus on the why aspect of it all. Why are you telling the story? How do you want to portray this? Why is this important to share with the world? I find that can get lost sometimes in mainstream media. 

Additionally, what I found most interesting was the visual media side of things, a subject I am not as familiar with as a Journalism major. My favorite question of the video was “How can journalists visually represent sensitive stories in an effective way?”. I had no idea. I found most impactful was how the speakers said to learn time and express interest with a sensitive source, you have to go beyond the camera. This is more than a transactional exchange with the camera. Sometimes you have to put the camera down to observe and dig deeper. Without the camera and naturally getting to know the story, can help you learn how to portray it even better. For me, I find it scary to take images of sensitive subjects or events compared to interviewing people and writing an article about it.

Grantee Meghan Dhaliwal said another quote that resonated with me. “There are creative ways to make imagery of people that represent them and meet them at their own boundaries”. This is extremely true. As journalists, it is important to keep the ethical and moral responsibility at all times. There are ways around successfully gaining the story while respecting your source and doing it in a way so that they are comfortable. Through imagery, how can you open up the conversations and break barriers through the visuals? This is a question that I am still trying to answer myself when reporting on sensitive topics. Overall, I thoroughly enjoyed the Pulitzer Center video and thought it was extremely interesting and insightful. 

[project1939]

1952 -> 2023: Adjusting to the Leap Forward 

What was it like transitioning back to 2023? I have a terrific memory of the first time I watched any visual media from 2023. I put on a video by one of my favorite Youtubers, and at first I legitimately thought something was wrong with my screen. It seemed waaay too bright. The colors were so blinding, I thought something was wrong. Then I realized this is what 4K looks like compared to kinescopes and prints of old films! The lines were so crisp and sharp, and everything looked so insanely vivid and detailed. I literally felt like I was fucked up on a hallucinogen- I couldn’t stop giggling for about an hour, it was so trippy!

Adjusting to a different schedule was also a process. I kept stopping things I watched when an interesting quote occurred so I could write it down- doing that for the daily blogs had been a habit for 91 days. There were also times where I felt tired in the late afternoon and panicked, thinking, “You’ve got to stay awake to watch a movie and get some writing done tonight!” It was nice to just let myself be tired and go to bed early if I needed to. 

Best thing about being back in 2023: I have free time again! 

Worst thing about being back in 2023: I quickly noticed the cynical negativity of much of our media today. Even after only one day of it, I felt drained and depressed and angry in a way I generally didn’t while watching 1952 things. Yes, many times the sexism and racism in 1952 made me angry, and, yes, the news in 1952 was pretty depressing, but overall, the media had much more positive vibes. 

I also miss having clear daily goals that I achieved each day. It felt good to accomplish difficult things every single day. It also felt fantastic to be writing much more than I normally do. 

Do I feel any affection or nostalgia for the 1950s now? I’ve been asked this a few times. The answer is a resounding “no!” I feel some affection and nostalgia for the project and the process, but I do not view the 1950s in any kind of rose-colored way. Just reading or watching the news media of the time takes the sheen off the idealized version of the 1950s many Americans now have.  

-There were hysterical fears of communism, witch hunts in Hollywood, and the government perpetuated the idea that communist agents were everywhere.  

-The H-bomb was first successfully tested in 1952, ramping up fears of total world annihilation.  

-America was fighting a losing war in Korea, while boys were being drafted and forced to fight.  

-A highly contentious presidential election was held, and in both the Republican and Democratic conventions there were intense inter-party hostilities. A physical fight broke out on the floor of the Republican convention.  

-Civil rights issues were really flaring up in the South as everyone awaited the ruling on Brown v. the Board of Education. Black people were being lynched. Most couldn’t vote.  

-Gay people were being arrested and then having their names printed in the paper. Those suspected of being gay in the government were hunted down and fired. Families disowned them, and the medical community treated them as sick, often performing torturous “treatments” to “cure” them.  

-Booksellers were fined and put in jail for selling or mailing paperbacks deemed “indecent.” (that today would be PG-13) 

-East Asian people were routinely mocked in movies and television. Anyone not white was invisible in TV and film.  

-Parents and elders were constantly warned of “juvenile delinquency,” something even the FBI called the greatest threat to America. Young people were supposedly all disrespecting authority, using drugs, having sex everywhere, committing crimes, and fighting in gangs. They were seen as spoiled and lazy. (Sound familiar?!) 

-If you were a woman it was assumed men could whistle at you, make inappropriate comments under any circumstances, and grope and touch you without your consent. If a husband raped his wife, it wasn’t considered rape. Women had no access to credit without a man signing off on it. 

-People with disabilities were thrown into deplorable institutions or hidden away.  

So, no, I don’t think these were The Good Old Days!  

It's also interesting to remember that in the 1950s people were looking back on the 1920s as The Good Old Days when everything was better and more innocent! 

[moohnshinescorner]

Book details:

Broken Dreams by Abbie Roads (Beautiful Nightmare, #2) Publication date: May 9th 2023 Genres: Adult, Dark Romance, Romance

Synopsis:

A stalker. A killer. A v!rg!n hero who will sacrifice himself to save the woman he loves. FBI Special Skills Consultant Lathan Montgomery has a genetic anomaly that he uses to solve cold cases, but it forces him to live in seclusion. When he saves a woman from a roadside attack, instead of her presence causing him to lose control, she soothes him. For the first time in his life, he experiences love. But someone is watching them and planning to make them both suffer. Broken Dreams is the second book in Abbie Roads’ Beautiful Nightmare Series of dark romantic thrillers. It features a v!rg!n hero who never thought he’d find love. If you devour true crime and romance novels then you’ll love a series that combines both in a roller-coaster ride of danger, mind games, and swoon worthy love. Buy this dangerously dark romance today! Trigger warning: Depictions of SA and violence. Previously published under the title Hunt the Dawn

Goodreads: https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/123173881-broken-dreams-beautiful-nightmare-2

Purchase:

Amazon: https://amzn.to/3OuPh0u

MY REVIEW

Wow this second installment of the Beautiful Nightmare Series is phenomenal. I did not think the series could get better than the original book, but I was wrong. This one is my favorite by far. I absolutely loved Lathan and Evanee's story.

The Bear and Fearless have struck again, bringing together Latham and Evanee. When Latham comes to the rescue of Evanee everything is set into motion and their journey begins. They have many obstacles ahead of them as they try and find a serial killer and keep Evanee safe from her step brother.

This book is a non-stop adrenaline rush from the very first chapter. The main characters are perfect for each other and have a very unique and special bond. Latham is a very unusual character with a secret kept tightly under wraps. Evanee is a very damaged and scared woman. She has endeared so much, as has Latham. Their pasts really are what makes them so special.

Overall this book was a fast paced dark thriller. It has danger around every corner. The characters are unique and have very special talents unlike any other. The author has created very unique skill sets and a dangerous world for her characters and their stories. This book is hard to put down and is a very twisted and wicked story. I highly recommend it for all you crime fiction fanatic's.

This book has many triggers that you should be aware of, such as kidnapping, physical and sexual abuse.

AUTHOR BIO:

Abbie Roads is the best-selling author of the Fatal Dreams Series and the Fatal Truth Series. Her novels have been finalists in many prestigious contests including The Golden Heart, The Greater Detroit Booksellers Best, The Oklahoma National Readers’ Choice Award, The Write Touch, The Strut Your Stuff Contest, The Aspen Gold Contest, The Gayle Wilson Award of Excellence, The Heart of Excellence Readers’ Choice Award, The Midnight Sun, The Kathryn Hayes Contest, The Chanticleer, The Daphne du Maurier, The National Readers’ Choice Award, The New England Readers’ Choice Contest, The Beverly Award, and The Maggie Award. Her debut novel Race the Darkness was Publishers Weekly Top 10 Pick for Fall and Never Let Me Fall is an Amazon Editor’s Pick. By day Abbie Roads is a mental health counselor always focusing on the bright side. By night she writes on the dark side, putting her characters through the wringer before she gives them their happily-ever-after. She loves a good inspirational quote and is a fan of true crime.

Author links:

https://twitter.com/Abbie_Roads

[aftokrator-official]

7, 8, 9 for the fic writers' meme!

7. Share a snippet from one of your favorite pieces of prose you’ve written and explain why you’re proud of it.

This is a hard one for me because I hardly ever have strong feelings about my writing on like, a sentence/paragraph level? I don't think I'm that good at description or imagery, usually when I'm happy with something it's either dialogue or like... the overall VIBE of a scene, which doesn't come across well in quotes lol. That Said: still incredibly pleased with this opening to an as-yet unposted Shimateru fic of mine from kid AU:

It always used to be Teruki - the one who'd help him work off the tension when he needed it most, throwing themselves at each other without holding back until they were both aching and bruised and exhausted and capable of feeling at peace again. It was Teruki who noticed when he needed it, who always saw him with that brutal yet fond clarity that inevitably left Shimazaki feeling both utterly exposed and perfectly safe. Teruki who knew how to give him space while always leaving him a lifeline. And Teruki can't help him with this, because Teruki is a thousand shattered pieces in his arms and he has no idea how to vent his fury and hatred and grief without hurting someone he doesn't intend to hurt. Not when the person who's always been able to withstand it - withstand him - is this fragile, and every flinch, every quiver in his voice, every whispered apology only adds more fuel to the fire. Shimazaki feels less able to contain it every day.

idk I think I really managed to capture a core piece of the Shimateru dynamic for me, along with how their trauma in this AU changed them.

8. Share a snippet from one of your favorite dialogue scenes you’ve written and explain why you’re proud of it.

Also an unposted fic, and I'm not sure I ever will post it because I have no idea what to do with it, but there's this scene from a fic I started where Shimazaki and Teru are meeting for secret trysts while fighting on opposite sides of a war, and Teru tries to convince Shimazaki to abandon Claw and join the resistance with him.

Shimazaki smiles crookedly. “That might not be as difficult as you’re imagining. At this point, I almost think he knows me better than I know myself.” “That’s not true,” Teru says sharply. “Don’t you dare let Suzuki tell you who you are. He has no idea, you’re not—” “Oh? What about you, then, Hanazawa Teruki?” Shimazaki’s voice has become sharp like a knife, his smile widening to show his teeth. “Weren’t you eager to throw away everything you knew about yourself so you could be the person Kageyama Shigeo thought you should be?” Teru jerks back, stung. “That’s different - that’s not…” “Is it?” Shimazaki reaches out to run a finger down along Teru’s cheek. “The two of us are both intimately familiar with the magnetism of power, Teruki. You have your center and I have mine. We would be hollow beasts without them, you and I. I think you know that.”

The comparison between Shimazaki's relationship with Touichirou and Teru's relationship with Mob still makes me completely feral and I love Teru and Shimazaki debating the conflicts between their respective ideals (and pointing out the contradictions that the other hasn't noticed!) It's a shame the rest of the fic has no direction because I REALLY like this exchange, lmao.

9. Which fic has been the hardest to write?

If something's too hard I will simply not do it lmao, so limiting myself to finished/posted fics it's definitely "Ignite the Sun," the last part in Colony. It was difficult in a practical sense, because while I knew how I wanted to end the series overall, figuring out how to get there and how to wrap up all the various subplots I'd introduced was tricky and required much tighter plotting than I'd done for any of the rest of the series. It was also difficult in an emotional sense - much of Colony was simply very unhinged vent fic, which was lovely and cathartic to write, but while I always knew I wanted to give Galo and Lio a happy ending I was still in a mental place where it was much, much easier to write about Lio's pain rather than him healing. (Probably also why the epilogue I always wanted to write never ended up happening.) Still, I'm really pleased with how it turned out, so it was worth the effort. The closing lines were a close runner-up for the "favorite prose" question above:

The thrum of Galo’s soft voice reverberates in Lio’s body, filling him, and somewhere both inside him and very far away Lio thinks he can hear the Promare too. They sing, bright and free of fear. They sing, and Lio sleeps.