#gifted kid trauma

[themidgardlibrary]

Something that peeves me off is how people will claim that gifted kids were 'privileged' because of how adults treated us. And like. Bitch. No! There's a reason why so many of us are burnt out disasters! It's not a privilege to be told your primary, if not sole worth is your ability to do good on tests.

I never got praise from any adults for my actual inherent traits. I didn't get praised for my interest in art by any adults until I BECAME an adult. I didn't get praised for my thoughtfulness. I didn't get praised for trying to be fair. I didn't get compliments on ANYTHING unless it was related to my school work. My personality did not exist unless it was in service to my school work. I was a trophy, a bragging right, not a PERSON.

Like, I get it, being considered 'dumb' is ALSO hell - and surprise surprise I know exactly how that feels because the moment I struggled with anything I was accused of purposefully being stupid, or pretending to be stupid. The MOMENT I was not performing I was clearly just being stubborn, not, you know, finally hitting a wall of what I could understand without an adult explaining it, not, you know, someone with untreated ADHD who was hitting the early stages of a total burnout because it turns out that when you excel at academics, PEOPLE PILE MORE ACADEMICS ON YOU without regard for whether or not you can handle all the extra work.

At least in general non-gifted kids were allowed to have FRIENDS. And do things OUTSIDE of what would get them good grades. They were allowed to build up some form of self-identity or self esteem that wasn't directly connected to their grades. I and many other gifted kids didn't do that!

And, I need to make it clear, I'm not saying that gifted kids have it worse than normal kids or kids who do poorly in school. WE WERE ALL FUCKED OVER. Every last one of us was hurt because of this. The kids who struggled with schoolwork were written off as hopeless, or not worth the time to teach, as well as being compared to people who excelled. AND THAT IS INCREDIBLY FUCKED UP. Average kids were always being compared to both their gifted counterparts ("Why aren't your grades like your sister's?") and told very clearly they would be less valuable as people if they had any REAL struggles with school. Which, AGAIN, IS PRETTY FUCKED UP.

We were all used against each other, every one of us. We were all made to see each other as enemies, or superiors, or inferiors, when in reality we were all fucking KIDS with our own needs and specialities. The adults in our lives FAILED ALL OF US, and blaming gifted kids only serves to ignore that fact, while further victimising people who in a LARGE number of cases got demoted to 'failure' the moment we were no longer worth bragging about.

Have gifted kids pulled the "Well I'm smarter than you and that makes me better :)" schick? Yeah. And those individuals were being douchebags, often times douchebags who had NOTHING other than the fact they were doing well in school as a sign they had ANY value. Non-gifted kids have pulled the "Yeah you're good at school but you're also a loser who has no practical skills and also you're boring, and you don't deserve friends", and again, those were INDIVIDUALS being assholes, individuals who were constantly being made to see themselves as somehow less valuable. None of the 'sides' was perfect, and none of the 'sides' deserved what they got from adults.

And some of us? Some of us were 'privileged' to get it from both ends - being told by other gifted kids that CLEARLY our failure was a sign we were never really valuable to begin with, all while the people who knew our background as 'gifted' treated us with contempt and often rubbed it in our faces that we were failures.

Again, this insisting any one of the 'sides' was privileged in this situation is fucked up and only goes to further support this shitty system that assigns value to *anyone* based off of academic success when they should be focusing on making sure their kids are happy, healthy, and prepared for the world!

[trauma-culture-is]

I think this is how to do this, sorry if I'm wrong, but: trauma + former gifted kid culture is spending two hours reading a blatantly sexist text to gather quotes on how the author was sexist because even though you KNOW that he was, you're gaslighting yourself into questioning if you remember it correctly and are paranoid that someone will demand textual evidence when you bring this up in class (even though you are the teacher and have a degree in the subject and your students don't).

❤ㅤ

[thoradvice]

you don't have to live up to other people's expectations of you to be worth something. you have inherent value, and inherently deserve love and kindness. you'll find meaning in life outside of academics or skills, for there is so much more out there.

it's okay if you aren't what your parents or teachers wanted. you're you, and that'll always be enough.

[vaguely-concerned]

heartbroken yet deeply entertained by julian's repeating pattern of 'all I want is to be close to someone and for them to truly know me :(' and then whenever it threatens to actually happen he goes 'oh that's too close to knowing me actually I uh. need to skip town/planet/galaxy/dimension right now immediately very sorry about all that my bad goodbye'

[spacedace]

Jason Todd and Jazz Fenton were both "a joy to have in class" kids and no I do not feel like I need to elaborate.

[motheline]

Woe, my MudWings be upon ye, tell me who your favourite is I'm so curious (SandWings next!!!)

[uisgeartplus]

Drew this for a friend to remind them that they could have the worst 21st Birthday ever, and it would probably still be better than Jiang Chengs <33

[raynedayys2]

Instead of arguing about whether "gifted kids" or "special ed kids" struggled more, why don't we acknowledge the school system screwed us all over?

Schools screwed over neurotypical kids.

Schools screwed over neurodivergent kids.

Schools screwed over "gifted" kids.

Schools screwed over "special ed" kids.

Schools screwed over undiagnosed kids.

Schools screwed over "average" kids.

Schools screwed over "bad" kids.

Schools screwed us all over because the system wasn't made for ANY of us.

[harlansthoughts]

my childhood was literally that feeling in a race when you immediately start sprinting as fast as you can and you're ahead of everyone but then later you run out energy and everybody ends up ahead of you and you're last

[r3n0-5]

Straight A’s and diplomas were hanging in his living room, making the place where he had food every day sort of a museum; everything was going according to plan until he turned into a burnt-out gifted kid.

[hilsonamore]

Are you a history/english/art kind of nerd, a math/physics/bio/chem kind of nerd or are you the burnt out gifted kid who’s a weird ass mixture of both and it makes you feel sick to the stomach because you’re good at all these subject but you’re not good, you know, you don’t feel like you’re the best and you need to feel like something is for you, so it’d be much better to be fucking excellent at one category of subjects and suck at others rather than ACE everything and make people think you’re a genius but in actuality you feel like a fraud and your love and thirst for knowledge has turned into a kind of bitterness you can’t seem to shake off your shoulders-

P.S: i hate saying that im a gifted kid or something but literally everyone has been telling me that ever since i can remember myself so- its not like im bragging, i honestly feel like a failing ass fraud so um…you make of that what you will☝🏻

[goldkirk]

I opened Pinterest for the first time in months.

That made me realize a lot about how bad I was actually doing and how much of a Waffle House Index use of Pinterest is for adult me, apparently.

I hadn’t realized it had grown that foundational to me in a healthy-brain-exercise-and-hobby-joy way. Nice to know moving forward! It’s another sign I can keep track of and use to spot correlation/indicator patterns earlier my behavior.

I love this kind of thing, it makes me so excited!

[writingforaliens]

I don't really subscribe to the "Mystra groomed Gale" fan theory (we know Larian is playing fast and loose with official Faerun timelines, but she only reappeared in 1487). Their relationship was more along the lines of a PhD candidate and their department chair is one of the top researchers in the field and their advisor, who initiates the relationship. (Or maybe he's among the top researchers, but she's the one who controls funding and grants and publishing and conferences.) He walked into that relationship flattered and thrilled and proud, only to realize after a while that Mystra is holding his metaphorical grades and thesis and future research opportunities hostage. And what is he if not his genius intellect?

Mystra's attention was flattering, but she could just as easily move on to the next hot young genius with the Weave. So he has to do the only thing he knows he is good for: be a genius with it. He wants knowledge (don't we all), she's rightfully gatekeeping it, and he knows that if he pushes, she'll toss him aside, frustrated with him. We get the impression that she only told him to stop wanting, but didn't give any reason why. Maybe Gale, in hubris, didn't listen. But no matter. Gale is convinced he's only good for his Magic, and Mystra is only with him for it, so he tries to do what any of us would do: impress her.

Why does Gale believe that he's only good for his Magic? Because society groomed him. Society viewed him as the genius wizard. Teachers only praised his abilities. He gets attention not for his other skills or personality traits, but because he's an eight year old who can cast Fireball with ease at at time when Mystra has barely started reconstituting herself. Society taught him the only thing people noticed was his skill. Look around at how many former gifted kids hit walls doing undergrad or grad school, don't understand how to take notes or how to study because it's always been innate, and burn out. Being able to read collegiate materials is no longer impressive when everyone is reading collegiate materials. A huge part of the identity of gifted kids, praised since childhood on their academic talents, gets lost when they hit this wall or realize they're no longer special. (Trust me, being teachers' pet and doing top-notch academically gives you an ego. Doubly so if your family are academics, which we have some evidence that Gale's family is at least moderately wealthy and/or connected with other mages.)

Is Mystra's relationship with ANY of her Chosen a good thing? I'd still say no, unless they both can keep it platonic and mentoring. (I had a great professor in college who did just that: mentored me. My high school physics teacher is still a friend. He was a guest at my wedding.) As soon as romance or sex enters that relationship, it's gonna be a bad time, even if the romance is one-sided on the part of the mortal. It's inherently difficult, shaky ground for a relationship, because of the power dynamics. If you piss her off enough, she can take your connection to the Weave away, and the closer you are to the situation, the more likely you are to think someone deserves punishment. And if she does punish you, it feels like not just a fall from grace but also like you are particularly a problem. There are evil mages all over, and Mystra hasn't taken their powers (the Weave is True Neutral, but still...you think every mortal mage is going to understand that if you eliminate the evil users it actually destabilizes the Weave?). She's the only god who can't really punish those that dramatically deviate from her alignment, because of what she is the god of. Think about that. Every other god can say "you are not following my rules, get out". She can only say that to her clerics and paladins (5e can kiss my ass, paladins need a patron to hear their promise), maybe to her Chosen, but certainly not to anyone who uses her power.

I love Gale, but this really puts things in a different light.

[davytheshark]

Was this a gifted kid thing, or just a me thing?

Trying to find books that were actually a challenge to read because you were too advanced, and when you found them they absolutely traumatized you because the vocabulary was on level but the content was ABSOLUTELY NOT. Like I read “Tender Is The Flesh” in 8th grade and I almost vomited on several occasions.

[gracebriarwoodwrites]

I'm Riding Shotgun, Autumn of 2022. Everything is Wrong.

My seventh grade gym teacher took us here for year-end ice cream. It was a highlight. I cracked a tooth on a peppermint piece. I like the chip. Her son was my teacher three years later. I learned how to be angry at the world while loving the world so much you have to grit your teeth against it to stay upright. I couldn't talk to his mom at his wedding. I can't bear to be forgotten. Or remembered. Or seen.

That's my old middle school. They updated the playground, but the cedars are still there. I thought they were going to burn me at the stake behind those cedars. I still have nightmares. It's a pretty spot, though, don't you think? In the nightmares it was a pretty place to die.

I was born in that hos-- I can't talk about the hospital.

I love these trees. Those are grapevines, draped over the limbs. We should stop and pick some. Maybe I'll learn to make wine.

Of course we won't stop. By now the grapes are rotting on the vine.

[xxlovelynovaxx]

Me, a physically disabled (high support needs) neurodivergent (mid to high support needs) person: Hey, my neurodivergence IS extremely disabling in a way that a lot of you say "isn't possible" and also my physical and neurological disabilities often combine in ways that can't be separated and produce symptoms that are new or of added severity for me.

Responses I've gotten from disabled exclusionists (some of whom are also both physically disabled and neurodivergent):

"What drugs are you on, you delusional freak?"

"I've never experienced this and therefore you're a dirty lying physically abled neurodivergent person who just wants to be more disabled and oppressed than you are. My experiences are universal and anyone who has different experiences is a lying liar. No one can ever prove otherwise because my axiom is that anyone who claims otherwise is lying."

"The ableds are at it again."

"Sit down and let the REAL disabled people talk."

"You're never allowed to find similarities between disabilities that are of different types, even ones you have, and if you do you're actually the reason why accessibility is such an issue because conflating them is why ableist doctors don't give us what we need and why society thinks medical gatekeeping is good, actually."

"If you're that suicidal do us all a favor and kill yourself."

This is without even getting into stuff about how disabled labels often apply differently to systems. The big discourse now is "nonverbal" labels for headmates who are permanently, always nonverbal, primarily by people and systems who refuse to view systems as anything but "parts" of a single person. Which is funny to me because ah yes, we have actual studies showing physical disabilities such as allergies can apply only to individual headmates, but gods forbid you apply a neurological label to someone whose brain activity is not only visibly different on scans from yours, but to the extent that it changes your entire shared physical body!

Like here's a novel idea: maybe we could just stop policing how other disabled people talk about their disabilities forever! Maybe we could blame any and all harm done even from the unicorn-rarity "actual fakers/liars" (also don't think I don't see you being ableist against people with actual diagnosed that cause compulsive lying) on the ableists DOING the harm because it's actually perfectly possible for them not to cherrypick our words and listen to the MAJORITY of us!

Maybe, just maybe, we could form a coalition, focus on the REAL enemy (ableist medical professionals and lawmakers) and push for actual change for ALL of us!