— Strip Starchess with Jing Yuan (Female Reader)
Including: Jing Yuan
cw: afab!reader, pwp but barely, slight mention of reader having a size kink, unprotected p in v, first time writing a proper fic, first time writing smut (please send help), reader is a little bashful, overall its kind of a self-projection I guess. Jing Yuan is a little bastard (affectionate), stripping (who would've guessed), grammatical errors(I tried), Jing Yuan calls you pet names (dear, love), no use of y/n, light bondage ( reader gets their hands tied with a t-shirt nothing too bad), safe sane and consensual
w/c: 3941 (might be a little off since I made a few edits in this post)
a/n: I am so sorry for this I am going to die of cringe later but I needed this out of my brain so I made my best attempt at writing. There is a lot of stuff that is bad but I do not have the energy or patience to do it so, you have been warned, this is a first-time smut from an inexperienced writer whose first language isn't english :3 hope someone out there likes this
You were bored.
Extremely bored.
Jing Yuan had promised you he’d come home on time so that the two of you could enjoy dinner together. You had something fun planned for the evening for the two of you. Something you were excited to try out.
One problem though, there were still no signs of your boyfriend’s arrival.
You sent him a few messages asking him where he was but to no avail, you knew for a fact he wouldn’t be able to respond anyway.
The sound of a door opening broke you out of your thoughts as you turned around and were met with an apologetic soft smile on Jing Yuan’s face.
“Yu.”
“My Love.”
You huffed at him in annoyance, realising what he was trying to do. He always knew how to soften you up.
“You’re late.” You said as you watched him unstrap his boots and place them near the shoe rack before he turned to look at you.
“I apologize, I overslept in the afternoon and had to compensate as a result.” Jing Yuan gave you a pitiful look.
“Regardless, I am here now,” He walked over to where you were seated and leaned down to place a chaste kiss on your head. “And I’d love to eat what my dear has cooked for me.”
You rolled your eyes at him a little and turned towards the table again as he took his seat opposite to you. You began eating in silence while Jing Yuan served himself some of the food you’d made.
“C’mon, don’t be like that.” He spoke suddenly as you focused on eating and ignoring him.
“Be like what? I didn’t do anything.” You huffed back to him again while continuing to look at your food when you suddenly heard the sound of a chair being dragged across the floor, you looked up, only to be met with your boyfriend’s amber eyes boring into yours.
“What can I do to make it up to you?”
You grumbled something with your mouth full.
“I didn’t catch that, love.”
You gulped down your food,
“I said, play Starchess with me”
“Do we not play Starchess on a regular basis already?”
“We do, yes, but I found a new variation of the game that I thought would be fun to try out. Only if youre up for it, though.” You made eye contact with him again as his eyebrow shot up in surprise.
He leaned in on the table and rested his head on the palm of his hand as he tilted his head lazily.
“Go on.”
Your confidence and annoyance all but vanished this exact second, you really hadn’t expected him to be this interested and knowing him , he probably already has an idea simply based off of the tone of your voice.
“...Nevermind.” You looked away, blushing as Jing Yuan continued to watch in lazed amusement.
“Is it-”
“Yes it’s Strip Starchess, okay? I thought it would be fun to play.” You blurted out as your ears turned a light shade of red.
“I was going to say Blitz Starchess.”
Your eyes widened in horror as you turned back to look at Jing Yuan who was now miserably failing at holding back his laughter as his shoulders shook silently and he pressed his lips together.
“I hate you.”
Jing Yuan laughed and you pouted.
“I didn’t do anything, though?”
“You know exactly what you're doing, Yu.”
Jing Yuan smiled apologetically once again as you pouted while avoiding eye contact with him. He sighed fondly and picked up his chopsticks again.
“Strip Starchess, hm? Let’s finish dinner and begin.”
You huffed again and turned back to your food and soon enough, Jing Yuan started some casual conversation and the whole ordeal was pushed to the back of your mind.
. . .That was until after you both finished eating and cleaning up.
Shit.
You suddenly had very important things to do in your library so you quietly started walking towards it, hoping Jing Yuan had all but forgotten about your earlier conversation. Just as you were about to open the door, a familiar voice called out from behind you,
"Dear?"
You slowly turned around, trying not to look like you were caught committing a crime.
"...Yes?"
"Where would you like to play? I think the living room would be best since it is rather spacious. We can close the curtains but,"
Jing Yuan paused as he looked towards the box in his hands and back to you,
"I'm saying that while assuming that we will be taking off our clothes sooner or later. Am I wrong?"
He smiled innocently. This bastard knew exactly what he was doing.
"... Fine, let's go to the living room then, I'll explain the rules to you."
Jing Yuan hummed pleasantly as he walked behind you, setting the board down onto the hard wooden flooring as the both of you sat down facing each other.
He opened up the box and set up the game and looked at you expectantly.
There was no backing out now, so you might as well give it your best.
"It's in the name, you strip when you lose a pawn."
"Strip entirely? Or just an article of clothing?"
"You know exactly what I mean."
You gave an exasperated sigh as you stared at him with the grumpiest expression you could muster.
"I'm afraid I don't, love."
He gave you a cat-like smile as he patiently waited for you to explain.
"...Only a piece of clothing. The one who has the most clothes off at the end of the game is the loser,"
You made yourself comfortable, you need your initial confidence back desperately.
"We'll play 3 games and see who wins. I won't be going easy on you."
You smiled at him mischievously as he chuckled and re-adjusted his seating position before looking right into your eyes.
"Very well then, let the games begin."
You focused your eyes on the board and played your first move, positioning the soldier pawn in front of your king 2 steps ahead.
Jing Yuan’s eyes lit up as he countered it by moving the same piece on his side. He knew exactly how you were going to play and he was going to ensure he won.
The game progressed and you eventually lost your first pawn, you sighed in annoyance at the realization as you looked up to see your boyfriend with his cat-like smile and of course, he had the most innocent look on his face.
Damnit.
You sighed reluctantly as you cursed him under your breath and removed your jacket.
“Happy?” You deadpanned at him.
“Very much so. Don’t be upset, you still have a chance to win.” He smirked lazily as he waited for you to play your turn
You were more cautious now, not letting him take any of your pawns when you realized you had a safe opening to take his pawn!
You took the chance and took his soldier with your bishop. Looking up at him in triumph.
He smiled back at you casually as he raised his hands in surrender,
“You got me there,”
You watchedn him in anticipation as your mouth watered a little, sure you’d been living together for a few months now but, nothing beat seeing Jing Yuan’s body.
He place his hand on his shoulder guard and removed it before smiling at you pleasantly again.
You blinked once.
Twice.
Scanning him to see if he removed anything else while you were day-dreaming.
Nope, nothing.
"I said one piece of clothing, your shoulder brace doesn't count as one."
"You never specified if accessories were also counted."
You huffed at him, "You never asked!"
"I don't recall having to ask, I gave you the chance to explain everything to me." He smiled innocently again.
He was right.
He knew he was and continued to play his next move.
Bastard.
Suddenly, it dawned on you that he was still in his armor and work uniform, meaning it would take at least 15 individual games of Starchess to get even the first layer off of him. Your eyes widened in realization as he looked at you and stifled his laughter.
Well, you certainly weren't in your work clothes and barely had anything on in the first place but you might have a few accessories on your person if you looked hard enough.
Two can play that game.
The game continued as you tried your best to defend your pieces from his attacks but he was too good… much to your displeasure.
By the end of the first game, Jing Yuan barely looked any different from how he was when he entered your shared home while you had to remove your own rings and piercings, putting them away in a corner neatly as to not lose them.
Jing Yuan won the first game by the rules of normal Starchess and the two of began your second round.
You were determined, but so was he.
Time passed rather quickly as you watched your boyfriend remove more accessories and you really wondered how he was able to walk or even fight with that much on his body.
You shook your head. Now's not the time for distractions.
The game progressed as you watched your pawns get taken one by one.
Rook, Bishop, a couple of soldiers and the list went on.
…You realized very late that you were going to lose.
You've never beat him in a game of starches, partially because he sneaks away your pieces but also because he's genuinely skilled at playing the game.
You were down to your last game, Jing Yuan in his shirt and pants along with some random trinkets of his uniform that you didn't even know the purpose of, you, however, were a different story.
You'd managed to get down just to your t-shirt and panties, shivering a little in both anticipation and the chill of the night.
“Do you need a blanket? You won't have anything to cover you soon enough, I'd hate to get you sick, dear.” Jing Yuan looked at you lazily.
Bastard.
He knew exactly what he was doing.
“I'm good. This is the last game and by the look of it, you've lost more pieces than I have.”
He made a content noise in the back of his throat as if agreeing with you before looking down at the board and smiling.
“I'm afraid you are correct, I admire your confidence in the face of calamity. However,”
He moved his bishop in line with your king.
“Checkmate.”
You glanced around the board, trying to find an escape route but there were none.
There was no denying it, you had lost the third game as well.
But the rules were about clothes, you looked up at him and back at yourself.
“. . . Fuck.”
You sighed, reluctantly admitting defeat.
“Alright , alright. You win the 3 games and the whole game considering you have more layers on you than I do.”
Jing Yuan smiled in amusement as he crossed his arms and tilted his head slightly,
“So, what's my reward for winning?”
You were already packing up the board as you looked at him with a huff and stood up.
“I'll let you nap in the afternoon more tomorrow, that's your reward.”
But before you could move your half naked self away, Jing Yuan moved closer and swiftly knocked your knees back so you toppled down onto him.
“Jing Yuan! I almost knocked the board on your head!”
You had wrapped your arms around his neck, scared to lose balance and plop onto the floor if he were to drop you.
“I'm interested in another reward.”
“What?”
“I'm the winner so isn't it natural I get to pick my reward? Besides, no proper terms were set for it when you explained the rules to me.”
“You little shit, you knew this was going to happen.”
“Dear, I am the divine foresight for a reason.”
He chuckled as his hands slowly moved down your torso and to the hem of your t-shirt.
He grasped the hem as he leaned into your body and spoke lowly in your ear
“Of course, if you don't want this, we could just revert to my original reward.”
His hold on you was firm but gentle, indicating that he'd let you go if you wanted him to.
“But, something about the way you're trembling in my hold tells me you don't want to stop, do you?”
Your breath was coming out in shaky puffs now. You simply looked away in embarrassment before he pressed himself closer to you, you could feel the warmth of his body through the clothes he was wearing.
“Answer me.”
“. . . I don't want you to stop”
He smiled against your ears and you swear if he had a tail it would be swishing around in excitement by now.
“That wasn't so hard, was it?”
Kissing the red shell of your ear he moved your face towards him and kissed you deeply before pressing his forehead to yours.
“Now, allow me to claim my reward.”
He peppered kisses along your jaw as his hands finally, finally took your t-shirt up to your neck as you raised your arms to help him get it off.
You were down to your panties and bra now, coincidentally, you were wearing one of his favourite sets’.
His kisses continued downward, unbuckling your bra with one hand while the other appreciatively squeezed around your body.
He leaned down on your chest, taking a nipple into his mouth as his other hand tweaked with the other and you gasped, sparks of pleasure shooting up your spine.
Your hands immediately found purchase in his soft hair as you closed your eyes and whispered his name.
Jing Yuan always , always made sure to lather extra attention to your chest, you never understood why but it had now become a sensitive spot for you.
He kissed and licked around your nipples, leaving little bites in between so that he can see them in the morning and fuck you all over again.
Deciding he'd done enough to your chest (for now) he moved his attention downwards, chuckling breathlessly at the small wet patch on your panties.
His large hand slid down as he started moving his finger up and down on your panties, making the wet patch grow bigger.
“You call me a bastard and yet have the nerve to be this wet for me, hm?”
“S-Shut up.”
You panted as your brain became fuzzy and warm, not being able to think of anything else except Jing Yuan touching you.
He smirked as he added pressure with his finger on exactly where your clit is and you gasped loudly. The fabric of your panties providing a weird but not unwelcome feeling.
“Do you think you can cum just from this alone?”
“I don't k-”
You cut yourself off with a loud moan as he pinched your clit and rubbed it.
“You don't know? Well, that's too bad. We'll just have to find out it seems, hm?”
You were gasping for air and moaning loudly at this point, thrashing and tugging at Jing Yuan’s hair like your life depended on it.
“I'm feeling nicer today, let's take this off, dear.”
He tugged at your panties and your hazy mind cleared for a second
“Jing Yuan! Don't I-”
A loud ripping sound echoed through the room as you stared in horror at the shredded remains of your panties but before you could utter a word, Jing Yuan kissed you and simultaneously continued to make circles around your clit.
You weakly slammed your fisted hands onto the hard planes of his chest but to no avail, he wasn't going to let up.
He continued flicking your clit at a faster pace before speaking into your ear.
“Be a good girl and cum for me”
You moaned as you clenched his (now crumpled) white shirt in your hands as your eyes rolled back and your orgasm flooded over your body in waves.
The general continued to make slow and gentle circles on your clit as you got down from your high, peppering your body with kisses and bites everywhere.
You were still breathing heavily when you regained your senses again.
“So, my hypothesis was correct.”
“You're gonna pay for that, Yu.”.
You said, not sure if youre referring to the torn panties or the fact that him massaging your clit was enough to get you to cum.
“Of course I will, and any other matching set you like so I can rip them all off of your body.”
His voice was so calm while speaking you'd almost think he was unaffected by the situation but that was far from the truth, sitting on his lap gave away that he was extremely hard underneath you.
He kissed you again, gently this time as he pulled back and bore his eye into yours.
“Do you want to continue?”
You didn't respond, only leaning in to kiss him before bringing your hands to the collar of his shirt and unbuttoning it.
“I'm not the only one that's going to be naked here.”
He helped you take off his whole shirt, watching you as you admired his sculpted and scarred torso.
“Turn around for me, love.”
You did as you were told, sitting in his lap with your back against his chest.
His hands suddenly came up on you again, going downwards to your pussy as he outlined your lips. Pressing gently on the soft flesh.
Your hands immediately found purchase on top of his much bigger ones, your breathing picking up again.
He inserted two fingers in you, pushing them in and out and curling them in just the right spot, hitting your already frayed nerves and stretching you open for him. Keeping the rhythm of his fingers up, slowly getting you towards the edge again when suddenly,
You were left empty as Jing Yuan retracted his hand and wiped it onto his pants as he unzipped them, before hooking both his hands under your plush thighs and lifting your slit above his cock.
“Tell me if you need a break.”
Before you could respond, he was already impaling you on his cock, pushing you down slowly as you reached back with your hands and grabbed his neck while arching your back.
“F-Fuck- too much-”
“You can take it, I know you can.”
He whispered breathlessly as he continued pushing you down until you met the base of his cock.
“There we go.”
Jing Yuan waited for you to adjust while rubbing gentle circles on your clit, watching intently as you fought to gain back your breath.
You were struggling at this point, mind in a haze at the feeling of being so full. Not knowing where to place your hands you blurted our the first coherent thought that came to your mind.
“. . .Tie my hands, please.”
Now it was the general’s turn to be surprised, you were not one to beg usually. He smiled coyly as he grabbed your discarded t-shirt and rolled it up to form a makeshift knot.
“If i was aware we were going to this tonight, I wouldve prepared more.”
You pushed your hands out together in front of you impatiently, just wanting to move but not trusting your shaking legs to carry through.
Jing Yuan kissed around your ears again started working on binding your hands immediately. Securing it as tight as he could, he tugged on it before pecking you on the cheek.
“There. Is that better?”
“Yes.”
You were fully panting now, subtly grinding yourself on his cock.
Jing yuan took it as his cue to move and hooked his hands under your thighs again before lifting you off his cock.
The split second where you were left empty was enough for you to whine. He wasn’t a cruel lover, though, he thrusted back in, filling you instantly.
He kept the tempo of fast but deep strokes and before long you could feel your second orgasm approaching.
Suddenly, there was a change as he pushed you down onto the wooden floor face first and ass up, the angle making him reach in different areas.
Your tied hands were above your head as you got rubbed on the floor like a mop cloth from his powerful thrusts. Jing Yuan bent over and draped his larger frame over your back, holding down your shaking hands with one of his own and thrusting faster.
“Come on, come for me.”
He whispered into your ear, again, reaching his other hand down to play with your clit.
And that's all it took for you to orgasm, releasing over his cock as he kept his pace.
For a few seconds, you blanked out completely, caught up in the haze of your orgasm that you didn't even notice Jing Yuan continuing,
That was until you were brought back to reality by a hit of overstimulation, tears already collecting at your lashes as the pleasure soared through your entire body.
“Y-Yu-”
“Just a little more.”
He continued rubbing fast circles over your clit and you could feel the tendrils of your third orgasm creeping up on you as you clenched around him hard.
It pierced through you just as your boyfriend finally released inside you, hot liquid filling you up and you felt so full.
Jing Yuan panted as he rested some of his body weight on you, essentially pinning you in place and having no way to move. Just the way you like it.
He grabbed your hips with both his hands as he gently thrusted a few times to get the last few seconds of pleasure in, wrecking your already overstimulated pussy.
“. . . I think my reward is incomplete.” He said after a few beats of silence.
“Absolutely not.”
Jing Yuan laughed breathlessly as he pulled you back onto his lap and rested himself against the sofa, wrapping his hands around your waist and putting his head on your shoulder.
The both of you relished in the afterglow for a bit with him still stuffed inside you, just enjoying and soaking each other’s presence, you were the first to speak.
“Horny bastard, you really piledrived me on the floor of our living room.” You laughed while pecking at his cheeks.
“Me? I’m the horny one now? You were the one that suggested this game in the first place!”
Jing Yuan feigned hurt as he tightened his hold on you, eyeing you cheekily as your ears turned red.
“I didn’t proposition sex! It was a game to-”
“To what? Play house with each other?” Jing Yuan asked in an amused tone before continuing,
“You wanted it to end like this, didn’t you?”
“Not on the goddamn floor! I’m gonna have bruises from this tomorrow, I hope you're happy.”
You pouted and held your (still bound) hands close to your chest, hearing Jing Yuan snicker and feeling his chest shake.
“I’ll give you a massage right now, on the bed this time, to make up for it”
“And then what? Escalate it into having sex again? I need to walk tomorrow, Yu.”
“You know me too well.”
You looked at him into his eyes and he simply gave you a crooked smile
“Untie my hands, we need to clean up and get to bed”
“Hmm… How about I let you go now and you let me enjoy my reward in the shower again?”
You sighed before nodding in acceptance, you weren’t going to feel your legs tomorrow.
This is the price you pay for provoking the sleeping lion.
“Horny bastard.”
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If the Shoe Fits, Then I Won’t Try It On
Omg I made it!
Threw this one together today, so might not be my best! But thanks to my pal @every-moment-a-different-sound making these gorgeous gifs for my fic Outside Looking In, and also @wordsinhaled writing this lovely little fic inspired by it, I felt compelled to pop back in and give the disguise altar egos a little love!
So this one is set pre-canon, about seven years into the boys' friendship/detective agency, and it's the first outing of the disguises (in their very early and imperfect forms! I like to think Charles has been experimenting over the years and the ones we've seen in show are just like, the latest versions!). It can really only be called case fic by the barest technicality but it's the best I got xD There's some nebulous Edwin gender-feelings, I'll leave it up to your personal preferences/interpretation whether it's a bit of transfem/nonbinary/genderqueer joy or just a boy's formative experience with drag, this baby can fit so much gender!! And references to fictionalised alcohol abuse, gambling and infidelity, but it's all just banter and tall tales, really.
2k, T-rated, also available on Ao3. Thanks again, @painlandweek!
"Perhaps we ought to rethink this strategy," Edwin muttered, fussing with his skirts.
"Relax, it'll be fine," said Charles. "No one's gonna suspect anything."
"They may suspect something," said Edwin. His voice sounded different, but the tone was one Charles had heard a thousand times before — pessimistic and haughty. Edwin seemed to pick up extra helpings of poshness when he was rattled. "They needn’t ascertain the exact nature of our ruse to know we're playing one."
"What? You think they're gonna be expecting someone to go in for fake marriage counselling?" Charles laughed.
"Stranger things have happened, Charles." Edwin spread his hand and swept it, gesturing between them and their magical disguises. "Q.E.D."
Charles looked at him blankly.
"Quod erat demonstrandum."
"Mate. They haven't taught Latin in that school for donkey's years."
Edwin made a noise of frustration — it had a bit of a high pitched, trilling quality with his fancy new vocal chords. "What I mean to say is that you and I are — figuratively speaking — living proof that real life is stranger than fiction."
"Well, yeah. But only to people who know ghosts exist," Charles reasoned. "And if this lady knew that, our client wouldn't've needed to come to us, would she? She'd've haunted the information out of her already."
Edwin exhaled, a quick, nasal huff like a bull, and pinched the bridge of his nose. His fingers bumped the chunky plastic frames of his enchanted glasses. "Pity. If she could see us, there'd be no need of these ridiculous costumes."
"I think we look brills," Charles beamed, proudly straightening out his big red rain mac. Sure, the disguises weren't perfect — he was still getting the hang of tweaking the enchantment. And yeah, he'd ballsed up his own bald spot at first, made it too big and just a little bit sort of... Australia-shaped. But all in all, he thought they looked mint! No one was gonna suspect them of anything, couple of old geezers. Who'd think they were a crack detective team?
Edwin was obviously having a harder time settling into character. He kept on faffing about with his unfamiliar layers of flowy clothing. Kept tugging on his little blue cashmere scarf, changing his mind on the drape of it — getting thrown whenever a tug of the fabric dislodged the waves of hair on his shoulders. Charles really hadn't got the hang of hair, just yet. He'd been aiming for something a bit classic and classy for Edwin, something honey-blonde and neatly coiffed. Instead he'd ended up with straw-like, brittle strands of peroxide white with... maybe just a hint of green. Charles would have to get that sorted out sharpish before they brought these disguises out again. Edwin would never let himself walk around looking less than his best if he had any say in it!
Charles turned to him, properly, grabbing Edwin's restless hands away from his scarf. "Eds. You look fine. Nice, even! Leave it."
Edwin glared at him, brow wrinkled. If Charles was being honest, the weirdest thing about seeing Edwin like this wasn't the fact that he looked blonder or older or, well. Like a woman. No, weirdest thing by far was how much thinner his eyebrows were. Charles had probably made them a bit too thin, he'd have to fix that, too. They were decent eyebrows! Visible, at least. But they were skinny and pale and neatly plucked, no little dusty dark hairs in between. Charles sort of missed them. He'd gotten used to those thick, dark brows scrunching up at him like grumpy caterpillars when Edwin was ticked off about something.
"It hardly matters if I look nice, Charles," he said, with a little belligerent flick of his hair that sent it flying. Charles probably should've made him a hairband or something — all long and loose, Edwin couldn't seem to get his hair off his mind. "But I do need to look convincing."
"You do! It's a good disguise, mate — made it special, didn't I?"
"I never said it wasn't." Edwin sighed, eyes fluttering closed a moment. Charles winced — maybe he'd overdone it a bit with the eyeshadow. There was a bit of colour-clashing going on, but hey-ho. Sort that in the next edit, too. "I am not concerned with the quality of the work, Charles."
"What is it, then?" asked Charles, dropping Edwin's hands to squeeze his shoulders instead. "What's got you all het up?"
Edwin shifted on his feet. His high heels clicked on the concrete porch. "I am merely concerned that I'm not... wearing it well," he said, a little bit through his teeth. "I don't want to compromise the entire investigation because I'm unable to act in a... befitting manner."
"Well, you're not gonna. Mate, you're doing brills." Charles smoothed down the big, floppy collar on Edwin's trenchcoat — he tried to do a Casablanca thing, but he might've gone a bit overboard — and grinned at him. "You're a natural. The way you stand all straight and that. Christ, you could've been walking in them heels for years! You're smashing it. For reals."
Edwin ducked his head, with the smallest smile. It was so Edwin that Charles could almost see the shape of him through the disguise; high, sharp bones under those rouged apple cheeks. Could almost spy that little spot on his chin. Actually, the chin wasn't a million miles off Edwin's own, with that barely noticeable little dimple in the middle. Maybe Charles had been taking some inspiration, subconsciously.
"I don't come across... peculiar?" asked Edwin.
"No. 'Course not." Charles sighed and patted his shoulders. "But look. If it's too weird for you, I can be the girl."
Edwin's brow twitched.
Alright. So maybe Charles could've worded that better. He coughed and took a step back, shoving hands in his pockets. "I mean, y'know. Bet I can manage it. How hard can it be? Probably won't be as like, chic as you, but I could give it a go."
Edwin pursed his lips, looking off to the side. He was fiddling with the rings on his fingers — maybe Charles had overdone them too, a bit.
"It... doesn't feel strange," said Edwin, quiet as a mouse. He couldn't seem to look Charles in the eyes. "It doesn't feel strange at all."
Charles smiled, all warm in the chest. Edwin had been a closed-off, buttoned-up sort of chap as long as Charles had known him — seven years and counting. Every time he offered up something of himself, Charles wanted to cup it in his hands.
"Oi," he said, gently, waiting for Edwin to look at him. "Suits you, mate."
Edwin smiled again, a barely-there twitch of his tinted lips. But he gathered himself quickly, clearing his throat and adjusting his scarf. "Well. We'd best be be getting on. We're due for our 'appointment' any minute now."
"Right."
"Shall we walk through the plan once more?"
"Go in, introduce ourselves, spin a backstory for a bit, make her think we're legit," said Charles. "Angle for a bit of one-on-one time. I keep talking, see if I can get her to slip up, drop us a hint — while you sneak off, search the office."
"Spot on," said Edwin, with a brisk nod. "According to our client, this woman writes down everything. No doubt she stores her more sensitive journals somewhere apart from the rest, somewhere discreet. Find the journals..."
"Find the body," Charles agreed, tilting his head side to side to crack his neck. "She'll have written down what she did with it for sure."
"Precisely. Right. That's the aim." Edwin steepled his fingers. "And we are...?"
"Edie and Colin Cromley," Charles replied, automatic. He should bloody well hope he knew that one — he'd had to put up with Edwin calling him Colin all night, trying to get him into character.
"Correct. And we are here because of discord in our marriage, resulting in my alcohol dependence and your extramarital affair."
Charles frowned. "Right..."
Edwin cocked his head a little. "Is there a problem?"
"You, uh. You ever actually been drunk before, mate?"
"Not as such, no," said Edwin, primly. "But, as we've quite thoroughly ascertained, I've never been a woman before, either."
Charles snorted. "Yeah, yeah. Fair point."
Edwin's manicured finger hovered over the doorbell. "Right. Are we quite ready?"
"Yeah," Charles mumbled, fidgeting on his feet. "Yeah, s'pose."
Slowly, Edwin lowered his hand. "Charles. We must be on the same page if we're to go inside and sell a convincing fiction."
"Just... feels a bit weird, is all."
"Why? You've always enjoyed undercover work in the past."
Charles shrugged. "Just... feels off. I wouldn't do that to you, y'know? Cheat, I mean. If we were married."
Edwin stared at him. "But we're... not married."
"Yeah, obviously." Charles felt all hot in the face, embarrassed. He should've just kept his big mouth shut. "Just saying, like — I wouldn't mess around on you like that. Or anyone," he added, quickly, because he was making things weird again, fuck's sake —
"Charles," said Edwin, amused. "Are you having ethical qualms about the character you're playing in this scenario?"
And alright, yeah. It sounded bloody ridiculous when you put it like that. Charles huffed out a laugh. "Yeah, yeah, I know. Just — it's hard, yeah? Dunno how I'd even pretend I'd screw you around like that."
Edwin hummed, toying thoughtfully with the dangly end of his scarf. "Perhaps... I could play the unfaithful partner?"
"You want to?"
"... No. No, not particularly." He pressed his fists together. "Hm. Perhaps infidelity is the wrong narrative for Mr. and Mrs. Cromley."
"Not believable, is it?"
Edwin chuckled. "No. No, I suppose not. Hm. Back to the drawing board..."
Charles mulled it over, tugging on his earlobe. "How about... right, okay, how about, yeah, if I have a secret gambling problem?"
"That does feel more authentic — we've had plenty of words about your impulsive decision-making," Edwin teased. He nodded, eyes sharp as he formulated the new story in that big brain of his. "Very well, a gambling problem is it. You've been losing money at the races —"
"Reckon I'm more of a footie bloke. Big bets on the big games."
"You've been losing money at various sporting events," Edwin corrected, rolling his eyes. "And the extent of your debt has recently come to my attention."
"You should see how much I lost on the cricket world cup," said Charles, seriously.
"Oh, believe you me, I did. Hence, marriage counselling."
"And boozing."
"Indeed. I knew the problem needed addressing a month ago," said Edwin, fingers gesticulating as he spun his little yarn. "When I visited our local public house for a consolatory tipple and became positively sozzled on sherry."
Charles chuckled. "Sure you wanna go with sherry?"
"Is it not appropriate?"
"I mean. It's fine," said Charles, raising his hands. "Nothing wrong with it! Just doesn't sound like your usual sort of, uh, blackout drunk sort of booze. Never heard of anyone going on a sherry bender."
"Well, what would be your suggestion?" Edwin challenged.
Charles wasn't actually sure, come to think of it. What did middle-aged classy ladies drink to get sloshed? "Um... well. Me and the lads used to get pissed on White Lightning after school."
"Very well, then. I overindulged on White Lightning. Happy?"
"Aces."
"Right. Well, now that's all straightened out..." Edwin lifted his finger to the bell again. "Shall we?"
"Go for it."
Edwin rang the bell — and when he dropped his hand, Charles picked it up. Edwin looked at him, quizzical.
"What?" said Charles. "Meant to be a couple, in't we?"
"One in the throes of marital strife," said Edwin, a little smile on his lips. "I doubt we'll be expected to be affectionate."
"Right. 'Course not," Charles agreed — but he didn't let go.
Edwin chuckled, and stayed put. His hand felt small, smaller than it ever had the few times Charles had held it — usually when he was hauling Edwin out of harm's way. Small and bony, lined with soft wrinkles, dotted in sun spots. Couldn't be much further from Edwin's long, lean, smooth hands if it tried.
But it fit in Charles' hand just the same.
~~
Hope you liked it! Probs won't be one tomorrow unless I can whip up something suuuuper short/quick or I find an existing WIP to polish off, but there'll defo be fic on Sunday!
Thank you so much for all your love and comments I seriously appreciate them beyond words 💛💛💛💛💛💛
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