#guess my memory gets worse everyday :')

[t4tbedehopmar]

woah that was easy

[howi99]

I dreamt of a blue butterfly part 1

"I dreamt of a blue butterfly. There was a room, covered in clocks, but none of them were working. A man was there, he spoke of a contract i needed to sign." "What did it say?"

"That i should bear all responsibility for my own actions."

"Did you sign it?" "Without esitation."

____________

Jaune wasn't ready for initiation. After all, he lied and cheated just to get a chance he could be accepted in Beacon.

"Man, why couldn't i dream of becoming a policeman instead?" He said. "Everyone seems so much more in shape than i, that's almost unfair. I train everyday and i can't even compare to most of them." He sighs "I guess i shouldn't complain too much..."

"Oi!" Ruby, a girl he helped yesterday, is waving at him. "Did you get your stuff?" Jaune: "y-yeah, of course! at least i think i got everything?" Crocea Mors, the weapon of his ancestor, was resting against his hip. To be fair, it wasn't as if he knew how to use the damn thing. as of right now, a metal pipe would be as usefull as it, maybe even more so since he would cut himself with it at least. "you know where's the initiation at?" "I mean, if i had to guess, it<s where everyone's going... i think." She look around, sudenly picking up on something "My sister is waving at me. Follow me, Vomit boy!"

"That nickname is really going to stick, eh?" He shrug, it's not like his sisters didn't came with even worse one "I'm right behind y-" A flash of pain course trough his brain, memory from his dream coming back to him. "Your's is the power to change fate. To see new perspective." As soon as the memory came, it stoped. "hey, you're ok?" Ruby asked "You spaced out for a second there"

"U-uh? oh uh, yeah, i'm good. Must be the stress or something" He shake his head "Was remebering a weird dream." Ruby shuckle "Yeah, i get what you mean." As they both were walking to meet with Yang, Ruby's sister, a Blue butterfly passed in front of them.

Jaune didn't really pay it any attention.

[shallowrambles]

It's fascinating to me how much I've changed my mind about Dean in The Trap. I'm waaaaay more sympathetic to the whole Cas-being-forgiven aspect of it, because yes, Cas apologized initially, but the root of the issue was Cas's painful withdrawal of his partnership and his withholding of critical information. Full stop. He and Dean are NOT equally culpable in this one.

It's not just about Mary and Jack, and yet Cas keeps pivoting to "Dean blaming him for Mary." Which oversimplifies the whole thing in a terrible way. Yes, they're all culpable, and yes they all saw that things were wrong with Jack, but next to Donatello, Cas is THE authority on souls and physically the strongest of TFW. To make matters worse, he all but demanded Dean to parent Jack and take care of Jack's emotions, even though Dean expressed discomfort over his memories of soulless Sam. Dean has repeatedly expressed how he wants Cas to be open and honest with him, especially now that they're co-parenting, and although Cas demanded Dean parent Jack, he then turned around and hid Big Parenting Stuff from him and went off to meet Anael.

Barring Cas's one feeble and poorly-timed, "I tried to fix it on my own because I was afraid of losing this family," he doesn't really spell out his part in the communication failures or apologize very well for withdrawing from Dean, specifically. He sorts of sulls up and say, "I already apologized and I'm not doing it again." Yet, Cas has a continued, longstanding pattern of withdrawal from the partnership. I'm floored that my Cas goggles kept me from seeing it before, and maybe I'm a little embarrassed, too. I mean, honestly, it's amazing that Dean takes him back at all. :/ Once you look past, "Oh no! Dean said mean things!" anyway.

I think by The Trap, Dean has given up trying to get Cas to change or hold him accountable for his lack of communication. Cas sort of gave Dean ultimatums over it, if you squint, and Dean rolled over. And Dean wants to get back together. He needs Cas's support and Cas need his. He looks at everything Cas is and decides that Cas's avoidance and want to protect the family is just woven into the fabric of him, and Dean decides to accept that. It's something he loves about him as much as he resents it. Cas's chivalry is a feature and a bug. Dean loves him for it. It makes his life a Hell sometimes.

Occasionally, I still see people harping on how horrible Dean was for "forgiving" Cas, like Cas doesn't need to be forgiven. And with some distance and clarity, I find that pretty baffling now, but I also remember feeling that way when I wasn't looking at their partnership equally and giving Cas too much leeway on his continued absence from the partnership. I almost...respected Cas more. That thought makes me wince. But his bad decisions I was way more likely to stamp as protective or tactically genius, at least compared to some of Dean's similar decisions. Dean's things I tended to group as "too angry/emotional/irrational." :(

I guess I've come a long way when it comes to holding Sam and Cas accountable for their actions, too. Much of the time, my issues with Dean devolved to unfortunate tone policing or not liking him to express his anger and be angry at his boundaries being breached over and over, even when he was taking his anger out on inanimate objects. I balked just because it made a loud sound that made Sam wince (oh noes, not the wincing).

///

On the other hand, I'm quite impressed that Dean and Cas were finding their way back to each other after the Death of a Child. That's about the hardest thing a marriage can go through, and they were getting back together and trying to heal even before Jack reappeared. Clearly, it's a stress-tested relationship. WAY more stress-tested than your everyday marriages; they've been through multiple apocalypses. On the whole, they often have good communication, even when they disagree, they knew where they stood (like with Donatello). It's just these huge, incredibly unusual horrible earth-shatteringly terrible things that throw them. Chuck's grooming is such a bitch.

[paul-matthews87]

I hate you.

I hate what you've done to me. I hate how you made me feel the way I do now. You hurt me so bad and now I can't even have a little self worth. Shitty can't explain how I feel almost everyday knowing how boring and useless I truly am. I know how useless I am, I knew how useless I was back then as well, but you reminded me every single day.

You made my life so much worse. You made me so much worse. I don't think I will ever get over what you did to me. I wish I had said something back then, but I didn't, I gave in and agreed that I was useless. I know I am. And I tried to do everything people expected from me and failed. I guess I'd rather be useless than be a failure, and that's still kind of pathetic, but oh well.

I made this and posted this in hopes that you somehow stumble upon this. I hope these memories haunt you for the rest of your life.

I hate you.

OOC: :3 (I’m so sorry about this please-)

Projecting onto this bitch is actually so fun, I love making him suffer <3 /aff

[fettfleisch]

I did an interview earlier this year, but I messed it up because of all the time spent on the road. Totally missed the deadline while being young, wild and free for all eternity. So here it is. Countryside is nympho pride

What does photography mean to you?

Photography means everything to me. Photography helped me find myself. Through photography, I learned to approach this world in my own way. I learned to deal with being, to deal with living and passing.

What is the most significant theme of your photography?

I guess it’s the countryside. Rural living has defined my life for as long as I can think. How I relate to the countryside is significant for what I do. How the countryside has shaped me. Whether I want it or not. The forest, the fields, the hinterland. I’m an old romantic when it comes to these things. It's a lot about projection. I deal with landscape, with upbringing and domestic life, but it’s equally about identity and existence in the end. When I talk about the forest, it's not just about trees, but also about loneliness, belonging and the human experience.

What are you most inspired to shoot?

My everyday life and surroundings.

Are there things that scare you photographically?

To let the light shine in is not that easy. I am afraid of loss, and sometimes I don’t know if the camera helps with that or if photography makes everything worse. Photographs have this unique memory quality, and I'm glad about that. At the end of the day, I'm always happy to get an image because what I photograph is dear to me. But with that comes a distinct vulnerability as well. I'm afraid for what is depicted. The more I can grasp it, the more fragile it becomes. That scares me to a point where it can be petrifying. Nostalgia is both a blessing and a curse.

What are you working on at the moment?

On my life, I guess. Sometimes the best thing you can do for your art is just to live. And I write a lot and want to travel more.

Soeren Baptism's work revolves around concepts and reference points such as landscape, longing and motivation, domesticity and rurality, social habitus and growing up, queerness in the hinterland, as well as the uncanny flip side of all these things. This includes experiences of marginalization, discrimination and exclusion - directly related to rural areas and a working class habitus. The work shows an interest in the social dimension of the land and the forest in their identity-forming significance - especially when it comes to queerness and social outsiders. What is the countryside doing to its people? Soeren Baptism deals with the countryside. With its beauty and its tragic. With its rot and its magic.

[johntayjinf]

take me on

rrthiel - athletic (ym2151 + ymz280b)

i was inspired so i wrote a vocal mix! ack

for anyone who wants the commentary:

the pain of vocal production on a tracker with simple detuning controls

no, genuinely i can't tell you how frustrating the vocals were to tune; first i set the entire project to 435hz (440 is the default tuning that every single daw in existence uses), but the consequence of that is that it also lightly detuned every single sample, making timing very difficult to manage. i felt like the devil having to artificially extend my vocals to fit both the timing and get the tuning right, but you win some you lose some i guess.

on top of that i feel very unsure about my own vocal performance and there'd be a few noticeable tuning mistakes, i think? i mean before i tuned them again tonight they were even worse, but apparently the trick to that is just to listen to them outside my headphones; because listening to the lower frequencies to tune vocals isn't going to give great results. or maybe that's just me and my habits. my shit phone audio that exposed the mid frequencies did a good job at telling me that, "hey, you tune terrible for a gal that likes to say she does music production to people when you like silly video games and music that came out before you were even conceived"

venus theory made a very good point about having a "shitbox" (like, a boombox that is shit) so it exposes frequencies you would've never heard otherwise, and that was quite the enlightening experience to say the least. i wouldn't say my tuning is terrible; frankly i think it's fairly okay for someone with informal training and practice, but i genuinely didn't expect to go so out of tune in my one (yes, one) take of the main vocals... and then i learnt that way that the voice that you think you're singing varies widely with what's actually produced from your vocal cords, your mouth shape, and how much air you put into it. needless to say this was a really good, and *horrifying* learning experience, and hopefully this means more vocal covers and originals in the future.

as for the lyrics, i was going for the "mindless 80s love song" cheesy lovey dovey kind, and was inspired slowly after a few listens of the og song. it's not my first time writing english lyrics, but it's fair to say that it's really rare coming from me.

Lyrics

sometimes i feel like i'm afraid of heights

(don't look down now)

sometimes i feel like i wanna hold you tight

oh you would never know the sight,

because right now we're so high we could almost die

but now you're here with me, i'm like on ecstasy

if anything ever happens i won't mind

'cause with the two of us, our hearts combined

we'll always have our time to shine

together we can find a place or run away

it's okay

you could pretend that we would be so far

but i will find my way 'cause you're my north star

i hope that you and i are on par

i don't wanna put my feelings in a jar

is it just my mind that is pacing, my chest that is aching

the things i wanna say could be said everyday

is it just my heart that is racing, the love we'll be sharing

and we will never say goodbye

you see that all is fine,

now put your worries all aside

[guitar solo]

'cause with the two of us, our hearts combined

we'll always have our time to shine

together we can find a place or run away

it's okay

you could pretend that we would be so far

but i will find my way 'cause you're my north star

i hope that you and i are on par

i don't wanna put my feelings in a jar

is it just my mind that is pacing, my chest that is aching

the memories we'll make will never fade

is it just my heart that is racing, the love we'll be sharing

and i will always play my part

we should take on the charts,

or maybe begin from the start

[spilledkaleidoscope]

Kim Skill's Drabble for the Anon who prompted me with writing the skills in an everyday situation.

(very heavy on the skills but I guess that was the point of these lol

(Spoilers for A Cracked Foundation obviously)

Kim pushed his glasses up for what felt like the hundredth time since he entered the store. While it was hot outside as well, there was a slight breeze there, which couldn’t be said about the crowded spaces between the rows of tall, stuffed cabinets.

SURVIVOR - A fire hazard.

Between the humid heat and the constant noise around him, Kim couldn’t wait to leave.

He maneuvered himself into a corner to check his grocery list and was satisfied to see every item in his basket. The cloying smell of artificial fruit aromas made him look to his side where he found a row of big glass jars containing various sweets. The condensation had rendered them slightly foggy.

VICE - Oh fuck yeah!!

Kim couldn’t help but sigh.

It’s not on the list, so I’m not getting it, he shot back and dropped his notebook in the basket for emphasis.

VICE - Then put it on the fucking list? Who cares! They have honey gummies, Kim!!

PROCESSOR - Even just a handful of these confections contain about a fourth of the recommended daily intake of sugar. The ratio between nutrients and price is unsatisfactory.

CONNECTION - Sometimes food can be about memories instead of sustenance.

CONTROL - I’m not a child. Besides, what’s the point of implementing a rule if you are going to break it for something so trivial.

Kim bit the inside of his cheek and wondered if this was something he could ever get used to - mundane everyday tasks turning into discussions inside his head that would divert his attention. Of course, this happened here and there when he was on duty as well, but not nearly as frequently as on his days off.

GEARHEAD - Naturally. After all, work requires you to focus.

CONNECTION - Every part of you.

VICE - Oh my god now you’re just thinking about work?! Fucking- Dolores Dei’s Dick, I wish I was able to scream.

Kim blinked.

CONTROL - What was that?

VICE - You heard me.

CONNECTION - You shouldn’t say that…

VICE - Yeah and you should maybe back me up a bit?!

CONNECTION - But I did-

CONTROL - Unimportant. You’re not saying that again.

RHETORIC - Why? It’s a nice alliteration. 

I would really appreciate it, if I could concentrate on finishing up here instead of whatever this is supposed to be. I’m not going to have this slip me while interacting with the cashier.

VICE - You mean “Dolores Dei’s Dick”?

CONTROL - This is not happening.

RHETORIC - I don’t understand the problem. She could have had one.

PROCESSOR - The nature of Dolores Dei’s genitals has not been recorded.

CONNECTION - Can you stop? This is very disrespectful.

VICE - I’ll stop if Kim gets the gummies.

SURVIVOR - People are starting to give you glances. You are being perceived.

GEARHEAD - Presumably because you’ve been intensely staring into your basket for about three minutes.

RHETORIC - No, let’s talk about it. Why would it be disrespectful? Are you trans-phobic?

CONNECTION - Wha- of course not?!

CONTROL - And again I’m arguing with my own brain. Unbelievable.

Maybe I should just leave my basket, leave the store and walk into the Pale, Kim thought as he frowned at a box of flour. Except that in his (and every other human being's) experience, that might make things worse. 

PROCESSOR - You could walk into the ocean instead.

VICE - Dolores Dei’s Dick Dolores Dei’s Dick Dolores-

CONTROL - ENOUGH.

A sharp pain shot through Kim’s forehead, so sudden that he almost swung his basket into the glass containers next to him.

CORPUS - Psychosomatic. Unfair.

“Everything alright?”

Kim almost jumped. For a man of his size and the penchant to dress like a peacock, Harry could be surprisingly quiet. Maybe it was the hustle and bustle of the crowd around them that had hidden his approach.

SURVIVOR - Apologies. 

Kim answered with a wave of his hand, making the wicker basket at his elbow creak.

“Just a headache.”

Harry knitted his fingers into the handles of his tote bag thoughtfully and cocked his head to the side, eyes fixed on Kim’s. The lieutenant raised one of his eyebrows in response.

“Don’t. We talked about this.”

“Huh? Oh- I..I wasn’t going to, I was just..uhm.”

“Hm. Maybe we should pay and leave, that should give you time to come up with an excuse.”

His glance wandered towards Harry’s tote before he could stop himself. Harry’s expression switched from sheepish to defensive.

“No booze,” Harry said quickly and opened the bag for Kim to see.

VICE - OH HEY!

“I didn’t know you liked those.” Kim pointed at the honey gummies.Harry shrugged. “I don’t think I’ve had them before, I just kinda thought you might like them.”

[nice-and-accurate-ramblings]

⚠️WARNING: Spoilers for Good Omens Season 2 Episode 6 below the cut!

DO NOT CLICK BELOW THE CUT IF YOU DON’T WANT SPOILERS! I’m live-blogging this because I need emotional support apparently

Eight battery operated candles,,, no more open flames in the bookshop I see

“It all looked so simple in Jane Austen :(” Aziraphale have I mentioned that I love you

JANE AUSTEN DIAMOND ROBBERY IS A STORY I STILL VERY MUCH NEED

Bees :)

Oh god Angel Crowley look is infinitely worse in context for some reason

SOCKS AND SANDALS CROWLEY. REALLY.

WHAT IS THAT WALK, I-

Maggie has BALLS and I love her

MAGGIE STAY BEHIND THE THRESHOLD PLEASE

Shax I am going to fight you

MAGGIE I FUCKING LOVE YOU

oh no

Oh no

That was an invitation

This is vampire rules isn’t it

Fuck

OH no

never thought I would be happy to see that circle light up

“You can all leave now and nobody will be hurt” “you’ll be hurt”

Hey uh. Did the theme song change? That guitar riff is new?

Wait yeah things have DEFINITELY changed in the theme song, unless I’m crazy I don’t think the Bentley drove through the theater before?

SOMETHING IS UP IN THE DOWN THEME SONG

Crowley is so fuckin smug lmao

Crowley has adopted Muriel hasn’t he

“I don’t have clearance. You’d have to be a throne or a dominion or above.” Crowley just opened the fucking file. “I haven’t always been a demon, and they never change their passwords.” COOL COOL COOL COOL COOL GUESS ITS TIME TO REVISIT THAT ASK ABOUT THE HIERARCHY OF HEAVEN

Aziraphale really said siege warfare o_o

“Does what you say make sense in your head?” Nina I love you

MOTHERFUCKERS IT WAS AN ARMAGEDDON PLOT!! I WAS RIGHT!! … and wrong, Gabriel was a dissenter!!

Gabriel is a major asshole but he is uh. An asshole opposed to Armageddon: The Sequel

NINA AND MAGGIE YOU BADASSES

“Why all the fire extinguishers?” I AM CRYING

Oh no. Saraquel is sharp o_o

Oh my god they were coworkers

He is Crowley’s emotional support Angel and it happens to be mutual thank you very much 🙄

Nina and Maggie my beloveds

What the fuck happened for Gabriel to be against Armageddon, I need to know

FOR IT TO HAPPEN TWICE

Was Crowley- WAS THAT TALKING ABOUT SATAN OR ABOUT SOMETHING ELSE

“Junior recording Angel, 38th class” congrats Muriel, you’re no longer the lowest ranking Angel in heaven!

THE BOX!!

He’s letting them throw books, they’re desperate, Crowley HURRY

Okay so his memory was in the matchbox that was in the box but fell out?

IS THAT A HALO?

AZIRAPHALE HAS A HALO!!!

oh that. That killed a lot of demons.

Yes I believe you did in fact just start a war. Holy shit.

HE BLEW UP HIS HALO. Well fuck.

“Apparently if we do a miracle together it all works a bit too well” yes hm you two do work very well together don’t you 👀

SO THAT’S WHAT THE FLY IS!! CROWLEY YOU ARE HECKIN SMART

This is some ineffable bureaucracy if I’ve ever seen it

Everyday playing in the background 👀

WELL. THIS IS INTERESTING.

bobbing my head along to Everyday with Gabriel and Beelzebub :)

OKAY I DIDN’T. EXPECT THIS. BUT I AM ENJOYING IT VERY MUCH.

“I JUST FOUND SOMETHING THAT MATTERED MORE TO ME THAN CHOOSING SIDES” OKAY. OKAY YEAH. MHM YUP YES OKAH YES

I am going insane.

I was not expecting these two to get together before azicrow

IT IS VERY QUIET AND GENTLE AND ROMANTIC INDEED

The Metatron is a surprise homie

OKAY. SO CROWLEY APPARENTLY JUST. KNEW THE METATRON. AZIRAPHALE IS ALL AWED BUT CROWLEY IS LIKE “OH YEAH. YOU.” The Angel Crowley lore deepens

Don’t call Muriel dim >:(

“We need a little us time” 👀

HE’S CLEANING UP THE BOOK SHOP FOR HIM I AM CRYING

NINA CALLING MAGGIE ANGEL- I AM GOING TO COMBUST. HELLLP

oh my god if they just convinced Crowley to have an honest conversation

Metatron. What was that. Stay the fuck away from them. Mind your fucking business.

Muriel was given The Crow Road :)

AZIRAPHALE LET HIM TALK

No.

No. Noooo no no no no.

OUR SIDE AZIRAPHALE. OUR FUCKING SIDE.

Don’t you dare. What happened to the “I regret nothing” on your playlist.

YOU DON’T WANT TO GO BACK TO HEAVEN.

I SWEAR, DON’T DO THIS

TO-

I-

“Well obviously you said no to hell, you’re the bad guys!” WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU’RE?! WHAT HAPPENED TO OUR OWN SIDE?!?!?!

I’m going to simply pass away now.

Stop. STOP. HE WAS SO HONEST AND THIS IS- CROWLEY IS CRYING AND IM CRYING AND

nooo not the glasses 😭😭😭😭😭

No nightengales,,, we could’ve been us

“I forgive you” cool cool cool cool cool cool cool I have been stabbed in the chest

The second coming?!?!?! Fuck

NOT HIM TURNING OFF “A NIGHTINGALE SANG IN BARKLEY SQUARE”

I am unwell

I am going to need so much fanfic after this

I WAS JOKING WHEN I SAID I WAS LIVE-BLOGGING FOR MORAL SUPPORT

HOW LONG UNTIL SEASON THREE 😭😭😭😭

[helios-writings]

Superhero Lover

Spiderman! Midoriya Izuku x gn! Reader

wc: 1.2k

Warnings: mild violence

One evening you get saved by Spiderman, but unbeknownst to you, he’s actually your friend and crush, Midoriya.

In movies, when people get mugged or attacked, you always see the person’s life flash before their eyes, so you were shocked when the only thing running through your head was; ‘Man, my parents were right when they told me to move back home.’ 

You were frozen as your attacker raised his weapon, unable to do anything but stare, wide-eyed, feet glued to the asphalt. As he went to plunge his weapon into you, spider webs shot out from above, causing the attacker to scrabble backwards, knife dropped by your feet. 

Your saviour dropped to the ground, landing a punch to the attacker’s face, knocking him out cold.

Sighing in relief, you collapsed to your knees and started sobbing. You felt ridiculous, but that was scary, you almost died and you couldn’t defend yourself. 

“Are you hurt?” 

You looked up, vision blurry from your tears, but you could make out a green mask. “Wh-what?” 

He helped you to your feet. “Are you hurt?” 

You shook your head. “No, just scared. Who are you?” 

Now that you had wiped the tears away, you saw the white spider symbol on his chest, like he was some superhero. He'd saved your life, so you guessed he was.  

“I’m Spiderman!” 

Well, at least the webs and the spider logo made sense. “Thank you for saving me, I don’t know how I could ever repay you.” 

The superhero seemed flustered. “There's no need to do that, really! But, I’d really like to see you home safe, if you don’t mind.” 

He wanted to escort you home? “Oh, sure. It’s just this way.”

“My ways quicker.” Spiderman told you, offering his hand. 

You took it, and before you realised it, you were swinging through the rooftops. You gripped him tighter, before taking in the view and realising how beautiful it was. 

“Do you see this everyday?!” 

“Mostly! It’s gorgeous, right?” 

“Like nothing I’ve ever seen.” 

You directed him to your small apartment, and he touched down on your fire escape, releasing his hand from around you. You kissed his masked cheek, not knowing how else to get your gratitude across. 

“Stay safe, okay?” 

You nodded and watched as he swung off, still feeling the ghost of his muscles underneath your hands. 

***

It was hard to concentrate on your college classes the next day, the memory of your saviour still fresh in your mind. He seemed almost…..familiar to you the more you thought about him. 

Your friend Midoriya, who sat next to you in class, nudged you with his elbow. “Are you okay?” 

It was then that you’d realised you hadn’t written anything down in ten minutes.

“Yeah, sorry. I’m just distracted today.”

He looked like he wanted to say something else, but didn’t and just handed you his notebook, chock full of meticulous notes, written in multiple different colours. The fact made you smile as you thanked him and started copying his notes down. 

Midoriya was a close friend of yours, his kind and determined attitude had drawn you to him in your first year of college and you had soon developed a tiny, tiny crush on him. So tiny that you barely even thought about it, not even when his fingers brushed up against yours, or when he smiled at you. That’d be ridiculous. 

After class, when you handed him his notes back, you asked him out for coffee under the guise of a study session. 

He went pink, freckles nearly disappearing, but then he frowned. “I wish I could, but I’m pretty busy.” 

You struggled to keep your small smile on your face. “Oh! Well, that’s okay, I understand.” 

Seeing no need to continue the already mortifying conversation, you walked away as fast as you could, until you had left the building entirely. Tears pricked at the corners of your eyes, making you feel worse. You pressed the heels of your palms to them to stop the crying, and it worked just long enough for you to get to your car. 

You didn’t want to cry over Midoriya’s rejection, it wasn’t his fault he didn’t feel the same, but you really couldn’t help it. And you still felt that way even as you entered your apartment and tossed your bag onto your desk chair, collapsing face first onto your couch. 

How were you going to face him tomorrow after embarrassing yourself? Maybe you could call your professor and tell him you were sick? Or just skip altogether.

A bird was tapping on your fire escape window, it was starting to get on your nerves. You stood up to go scare it away and gasped. It was not a bird. 

You opened the window to let him inside. “Spiderman?” 

The green clad superhero(vigilante according to the news) waved. “Hi.”

“What are you doing here?” 

“Just checking in, last night must’ve been scary.” 

It slipped your mind with you worrying about Midoriya. “I haven’t really thought of it.” 

You know your eyes must’ve still been puffy and wet from crying, but you’d kind of hoped he just didn’t notice. 

“You’ve been crying.” 

Or not. “Rough day.” 

Now that you could hear him clearly, he sounded familiar, but you couldn’t place the voice. 

“What happened?” 

“Don’t you have people to save?” 

He shrugged. “It’s pretty quiet right now. I’m not a therapist or anything, but it could help to tell someone about it.” 

Spiderman sat down in your desk chair after moving your bag out of the way. “So, what’s wrong?” 

“Dumb college stuff, you wouldn’t understand, you’re probably like, 30.” 

“I’m in college too! I’m actually kind of offended that you think I’m 30….” 

You gave him a wary look, but figured he wouldn’t go away until you started talking, so you sighed. “It’s not really a big deal, I just got rejected by the person I have a crush on.” 

“Crush?! Who?” 

Your eyes widened at his sudden shift in tone. “Um, my friend. His name’s Midoriya. I asked him out today, but he said he was busy. He looked like he was lying though.” 

“What if he didn’t know it was a date and really was busy?” He was chuckling nervously now. 

You moved closer to him, until you were face to face with him, almost nose to nose. You would know that nervous chuckle anywhere. “Midoriya, is that you under there?” 

He gasped, but didn’t try to deny anything as he took off the mask, his green curls messy and sweaty from being confined for so long, his cheeks were pink. 

“How’d you figure it out?” 

You laughed softly. “You might want to think about disguising your voice.” 

“I didn’t know you were asking me on a date, honest.” 

“I guess I should’ve been more honest.” 

A beat of silence passed. “So, how long have you been Spiderman?” 

“A while, you’re the only one that knows.” 

Midoriya’s gaze was focused on his hands, avoiding your gaze. “Hey, what’s wrong?” 

He smiled. “That’s my line, you know.” 

“I’m borrowing it. What’s wrong?”

“Did I screw things up with you?” 

Kissing his cheek, you lifted his head so his eyes would meet yours. “No, you didn’t.” 

His smile was bigger now, the big grin you’d gotten accustomed to seeing him wear on his face. The one that made you like him so much. “So, do you want to go out for dinner now?” 

“Well, you can’t go out dressed like that.” 

“We could always swing through the city again.” 

When you rolled your eyes, Midoriya planted a quick, soft kiss on your lips, cradling your face carefully in his gloved hands. 

“We’ll reschedule.” You told him, head spinning. 

“I like that idea.” He responded, going back in for another kiss.

[jerseymuppet]

i might be stupid but. is the gothamverse a muppets batman au? is that what the thing in ur bio means? (either way plz do tell me abt it)

That would definitely be infinitely cooler than my idea! Gothamverse is the beautiful result of me playing arkham knight while waiting for an mcr livestream to start up and thinking ‘damn bitches from jersey are fucking insane! ....wait a minute’

It’s basically a silly little idea I came up last March with where all the mcr guys are from Gotham and what their villain origin stories would be etc. I followed the main Batman villain archetypes: extremist, anti-hero, camp, and serial killer, and I had a fucking blast! It’s very silly and just something I did for fun. I guess I can go a lil bit into it here.

full disclosure, I am psychotic and disabled and I do not believe in the vilification of mental illness or disability in media, all of these characters will eventually get the help they need. Batman at its core is about a mentally ill man helping others who have been failed by society and I will never forgive dc for making him into an overpowered, glorified cop.

Frank’s character (Francis ‘Frankie’ Stein) is the extremist (duh). He’s the son of a mafia boss who is steadily ruining their town with crime and Frankie just kinda snaps and kills him to take his place as the head of the family and try to undo some of the damage done. He has great intentions, he’s just very unyielding and kind of insane 💕 his moniker is Frankenstein! And his whole schtick is that he’s very hard (if not impossible) to kill. He’s also chronically ill and Jewish, these are not important to his character but they are important to me !

Mikey’s character (Micheal Way) is the serial killer. He’s a ‘sociopath’ (theres nothing actually wrong with him, people just suck and made him feel lesser and out of place :/) trying to fit in with everyday society but he always feels like something is missing and becomes a neuroscientist to try to find what exactly it is. He invents a machine (the empathsizer) that allows him to experience other people’s memories and emotions as though they are his own. From there he accidentally gets addicted to the chemical responses his brain has to doing that. And keeps doing it. Even after the testing phase is no longer accepting applicants. It gets worse after he experiences someone’s near death experience and starts chasing the high it gave him. Idk what his moniker is? It’s sandman for right now but that’s honestly so boring and uninspired.

Ray’s character (Raymond Ortiz) is camp but very loosely. He’s an engineer by day and a rockstar by night! He’s really only an engineer to save up enough money to pursue music full time but it’s hard because he doesn’t get paid that much. Winter hits and with it, cuts to his hours! So he’s forced to choose between rent and electricity. When he gets really sick as a result, he can’t afford a doctor. And when he wakes up with his hearing gone as a result, theres nothing he can really do but spiral into a depression. Until he realizes he’s a literal biological engineer. If he can’t fix his problem he can at the very least prevent it from happening to someone else! Research does cost money, so it’s very fortunate that Gotham has so many banks. His moniker is Dr. Megahurtz! His weapon of choice is his guitar, which has been retrofitted with sonic emitters to amplify and weaponize the hertz. Not enough to hurt, but enough to incapacitate.

Gerard’s character (Jules Moss) is the anti hero! She’s (yes I made Gerard’s character a trans girl, they took too long to make a trans character so I did it for them) has the same backstory as Gerard actually! On her way home from work she witnesses a terrorist attack, but instead of starting a band she decides to fight crime instead. She does so bad. Literally her first night out patrolling she gets killed by some priest who’s been driven insane by what he claims is an angel that’s ‘chosen him to impart gods will’ but it’s just a fallen star looking for a vessel to possess and the first guy it came across wasn’t dead lol. The star turns into a sword of pure light and that’s what Jules gets stabbed with, but also it fuses itself to her dna so she wakes up a few days later, schrödingers girl, with some scary new abilities and a voice in her head that definitely wasn’t there before. Her whole arc is her trying to find the guy that killed her and get revenge. Her moniker is stigmata! Because when she gets impaled it also goes through the palms of her hands and the wounds don’t heal.

but yeah that’s the bare bones of it all! I’m planning on making this into a comic series but the script is still being written at the moment! Thank you for letting me ramble about it 💕🥰

[mrsfrecklesmarauders]

Sirius was so excited to move in with Remus. Suddenly everything felt real. It was happening. Sirius was going to have his own place. And he was going to share it with the love of his life. It was even more exciting that it was Alphard's old apartment. How many times Sirius wished he lived like his Uncle. It that a flat full of history, where so many things and parties had happened. Alphard surely had many memories there. Now it was Sirius' turn to make some more.

Sirius had been scared of leaving Hogwarts and not seeing his friends everyday. Scared of the Marauders breaking up. But Sirius wasn't scared anymore. Growing up didn't sound so bad actually.

"I'm really going to miss you, love"

Euphemia said as she helped Sirius pack. It had been incredible to spend a few years at The Potters. They had made Sirius feel welcome. They had treated him as part of the family. With The Potters, Sirius felt the love and care he hadn't received from his own parents. And now it was bittersweet to leave. But Sirius had to. He didn't want to be a burden anymore. Not matter what Effie or Monty said, Sirius wasn't actually their son.

"I'm going to miss you too, Effie" Sirius said, overwhelmed by Effie's words.

"You know... This will always be your home" Euphemia smiled "No matter what"

Sirius looked away and kept packing. Otherwise he was going to cry.

"Thank you very much for everything. I really loved living here for a while"

Sirius wanted to hug her. Effie had been so patient. She had listened to Sirius. She had comprehended him. With Effie, Sirius knew how it was to actually have a mother.

Sirius' body ached for a hug. Especially if Effie smiled at him like that. But Sirius was containing himself.

"It's definitely not fair!"

Luckily James crossed the door interrupting them.

"I wish I could move in with Lily" James sighed "But she says it is too soon..." he added "Is that my hoodie?"

Sirius grabbed it.

"It's mine now"

"Well it is too soon, James" Effie said, referring to the other thing "And it's different. Sirius is just moving in with his friend. Not his girlfriend"

Sirius was frozen. He hadn't had the opportunity to tell The Potters about him and Remus. Sirius actually didn't know how. Their opinion was very important to him. And it had been hard to tell his friends and the people his age. He imagined It would be worse with adults.

Sirius and James looked between each other.

Maybe this was the opportunity to tell Effie. When Sirius told her about his Uncle Alphard, she didn't judge. Perhaps she would take it well.

"Actually... Effie..."

"Yeah... Sirius' actual girlfriend is disappointed it is not her Sirius is moving in with"

James said it so quickly that Sirius didn't have time to stop him. And when he said it, Sirius was shocked.

Effie looked between the two.

"Actual girlfriend?" she looked at Sirius "Are you dating someone, love?"

Sirius was going to kill James Potter.

"Ehhmm..."

"Yeah Marlene..." James nodded nervously.

"Marlene McKinnon?" Effie asked.

"Eh... We are just getting to know each other better" Sirius explained nervously as well.

Fuck. Sirius had been willing to tell Effie about Remus but James had fucked it up. Now Effie was smiling so widely that Sirius didn't want to break the spell.

"That's lovely!" Effie exclaimed happily "Marlene is such a good girl. I've known her since she was little... I always thought she would end up with James"

Marlene was an absolute lesbian.

"Eew... I mean I'm in love with Lily" James said trying to avoid Sirius' intense gaze.

"But I guess the heart wants what it wants" Effie smiled.

Sirius faked a smile.

"Uuuh!..." Effie added "How about we invite your girls for dinner this weekend?"

"What?" James asked.

"Yeah I was planning to invite sweet Lily over" Effie added "Why not invite Marlene since she is with Sirius?"

"I... I don't think..."

"Lovely!" James screamed "Mummy... I am hungry. Can you tell Maaike to prepare us something?"

"For God sake's, James. Why don't you tell her yourself?" Effie tutted.

James picked up a random clothing from the floor.

"I'm helping Sirius pack"

"Bloody hell, this kid"

Effie buffed with her hands on her hips. But she left the room but not before giving Sirius a big smile. Sirius smiled back.

When Effie was gone, Sirius have James a hateful look.

"What the fuck, Potter?" Sirius snapped "Marlene?"

"I panicked!"

"Marlene is a lesbian!!" Sirius said as James hushed him "And I am with Remus... I am moving in with him... I love him"

"Okay..." James tried to calm Sirius down. He closed the door so they could speak more freely.

"I know my parents pretty well...." James sighed "And they are good people and excellent parents... But they are a bit old fashioned"

Sirius was surprised.

"What do you mean?"

James looked down.

"They grew up in a different time... They are a bit old..."

Sirius rolled his eyes "They are fine"

"You haven't heard them talking about gay people" James added embarrassed.

"What have they said about gay people?" Sirius asked.

"It's mostly Fleamont..." James explained, now sitting down in Sirius' bed "He doesn't particularly fancy seeing boys holding hands on the street or men acting feminine.. He gets nervous around all that. He doesn't say anything. He just tenses... I've seen it"

Sirius sat down as well, mainly to process what he was hearing.

"And Effie just expects the boy and girl romance only. She has a misconception of what being gay actually is. The only gays she knows are the ones from salons" James sighed "I've been impartial about the subject but ever since Marlene came out and you and Remus started dating... I notice these things more. I get more pissed about them.... I'm sorry. I am just protecting you. I don't want you to be upset about how they would react"

Sirius was silent. It wasn't fair. James was open about his relationship with Lily. And his parents even teased him about it. But Sirius couldn't be honest about who he actually fancied.

Sirius was tired of hiding away. Sirius was tired of constantly being worried about other people's opinions. At Hogwarts Sirius was seen as a completely new person since people discovered he was dating Remus. Sirius was tired of giving explanations about his sexuality, even though Sirius didn't know it himself.  And expected to be weak and feminine only because he fancied a boy.

Sirius loved being with Remus. He was absolutely in love him. But how hard it was to actually date him. Only because they were both boys.

"We are going to find a way to tell them, Pads" James added with a worried expression "I promise"

Sirius sighed "It's okay..." It really wasn't "I just don't know who is going to be more angry with you, Prongsie, Remus or Marlene?"

************

"James did what???!?"

Remus wasn't happy when Sirius told him the news over the phone later that night.

"I was going to tell them, Moony" Sirius said "But apparently, even The Potters are homophobic... Nobody is safe"

Remus sighed.

"They are very important to you, Sirius" he said "If you want to tell them, you should. Even if they don't agree. They have to know every part of you in order to fully accept you"

"James says we are going to drop the bomb tomorrow at dinner" Sirius explained "He is going to help me. We are going to easy the way in with lots of wine for Mr. and Mrs. Potter..."

Remus chuckled.

"You need to be there, Moons"

"I thought this was a couples' dinner night?"

"You are my actual boyfriend. And I want you to be there" Sirius said "So I can hold your hand when I tell Effie and Monty who I am actually head over heels for.... And brag about it"

"I love how confident you are getting... And it's making me horny"

Sirius chuckled.

"Love you, Pads"

Sirius' heart skipped a beat everytime Remus said it. Sirius loved Remus so much, he didn't understand why this was seen as a crime, as a bad thing. It didn't matter that Remus was a boy. Actually it didn't matter what gender Remus was. Sirius was in love with Remus Lupin.

And that was it.

"I love you too" Sirius said "Does this mean you are coming?"

Remus laughed and Sirius smiled, wishing he could be next to Remus and kiss the side of his mouth while he laughed. It was his favorite thing to do.

"If you want me there, then I'll be there"

Sirius smiled.

*******************

Fleamont finished telling his story, and everyone laughed and clapped. Fleamont always had the best stories to tell. They weren't only interesting, but it was the way he told them that made them funny. He made voices and all. James definitely got Monty's sense of humor.

But Sirius couldn't enjoy it. Because he was nervous. He was trying to find the right moment to stand up and tell Effie and Monty the truth. But he never dared. Effie kept looking between Sirius and Marlene and smiling. This was so hard.

"Is it okay that I invited Remus?" Sirius had asked when dinner started.

"Oh no problem, love" Effie answered smiling at Remus "The more the merrier" she said. Sirius almost grabbed Remus' hand in front of her

"Is Marlene coming?" she asked and Sirius' stopped. Remus was sad.

"She is coming later"

Wasn't it obvious that the person he wanted here was right next to him? The whole time Sirius hadn't even looked at Marlene. Marlene was only his friend. And she was a lesbian.

"Sirius... Hey, Sirius!!"

Sirius only reacted when Remus tapped his shoulder.

"What?"

"I was asking you the smash potatoes, you freaking.... I mean, are you deaf?"

Marlene wasn't acting particularly as Sirius' lover. And The Potters were not stupid.

Sirius passed the bowl to Marlene.

"Thank you..." she smiled "You wanker" she added whispering.

James giggled nervously and stuffed more food in his mouth.

"The food is great" he said with his mouth full "Is so great, isn't it?"

James was even more nervous than Sirius.

"Yeah..." Lily smiled, changing the subject "Is this an Arabic dish, Effie?"

"Yeah it is actually..."

As Effie began explaining, Sirius leaned to whisper in Remus' ear.

"I'm sweating... I think even my genitals are sweating"

"Stop saying things to make me horny"

Sirius chuckled. They both giggled silently.

"I'm nervous too" Remus added "Here... Hold my hand"

Sirius grabbed Remus' hand under the table. Fingers intertwined. It was incredible how Remus made Sirius' heart beat fast but at the same time, he made him feel more calm.

"They are going to accept us"

Sirius sighed.

"Because you make me happy"

Remus smiled.

"And you make me happy"

"So Marlene..." Effie said, gaining the attention towards her "How long have you and Sirius been dating?"

Sirius dropped Remus' hand out of instinct. Marlene chocked with her food. Then she laughed.

"Oh no Sirius and I...." she shook her head.

"They are friends trying to figure things out!" James exclaimed and then chunked a gulp of water.

Marlene narrowed her eyes. She looked between Sirius, Remus and James confused. Sirius squeezed Remus' hand harder.

"Wait... Is this why I am here?" Marlene asked

So she didn't know?

"Oh my God!"

"Didn't James explain it to you?" Sirius asked. James had been the one to call Marlene.

"No... No he didn't..."

All eyes went to James. His cheeks were full of food and he stopped chewing when he noticed. Lily sighed beside him.

"Okay... What is going on?" Fleamont raised an eyebrow.

"What? Nothing..." Sirius tried to smile.

"We might be old but we are not stupid" Effie tutted "Would you tell us what is happening?"

Nobody moved or said anything for a few seconds. Sirius knew he had to say something but he was kind of frozen. He was still squeezing Remus' hand.

James swallowed his food. And he stood.

"Okay... God dammit. I lied... I lied... I said so many things... I... This is all on me... Okay?"

Sirius rised from his chair without thinking about it.

"No, Prongs.... It is me who has to explain this"

Effie and Monty turned their eyes towards Sirius. And he felt a knot on his throat.

Sirius looked at Remus and he gave him such a comforting smile that Sirius felt more confident.

"I... I am not dating Marlene..." Sirius started carefully "I am actually... I am dating Remus..."

It was pure silence after that. It felt like time stopped for second. Effie was observing them in a serious expression. And Fleamont was thinking of what to say. Everything was awkward until Marlene added.

"And I am... into girls, by the way..."

"Oh" Effie smiled embarrassed "Why didn't you tell us that? Why did you lie?"

"To be fair, I didn't know this was happening..." Marlene shrugged "I just came here for the delicious food"

"It was me" James added "I lied for them..."

"Why did you do that?" Fleamont asked.

"Because I didn't know how you were going to react" James looked down embarrassed "You are a bit old fashioned"

"Are you calling me old?" Fleamont asked, which made everyone laugh breaking the tension.

"You're kind of old" James whispered.

"Look how disrespectful your son is, Effie" Fleamont tutted.

Effie smiled.

"To be honest we've been suspecting about Sirius and Remus for quite a long time now"

Fleamont nodded to confirm it.

"Really?" Sirius asked.

"You shared beds everytime Remus stayed here, your face lit up everytime you talked about him, you were closer, the two of you...you invited him tonight.. I kept telling Monty there was something between you two"

"Effie insisted on making this dinner party to uncover the truth" Fleamont added.

Sirius and Remus smiled embarrassed.

"What we didn't expect was Marlene liking.... Liking girls" Effie added.

Marlene's cheeks turned red.

"I do tend to give surprises" she smiled.

"So what do you think?" Sirius asked curiously "About me and Remus... Do you fancy the idea?"

Effie and Monty looked between each other.

Yes, they knew about them but it didn't mean they accepted it.

"You do tend to be homophobic" James added.

"James..." Lily protested.

"It's true"

"Homo... What?" Fleamont asked.

"It means people that hate on gay people" Remus explained "Not that you are... Or anything"

Fleamont sighed "I have to admit I am new with this whole thing. Sometimes I see it as an odd thing... It is because I am not used to seeing... that kind of people... as often... Effie is more open about it"

"The important thing is that you are happy, loves. No matter who you date" Effie smiled "Sorry if we ever made you feel bad or unwanted..."

Remus shook his head.

"I've always felt welcomed here, Mr. and Mrs. Potter"

"Effie and Monty, please"

"Effie and Monty..." Remus smiled embarrassed "Sirius... Sirius loves you as if you were his parents..." Remus smiled at Sirius ". So impressing you is not only important to him. But to me as well. And I just want to let you know that I love him, and I am not going to hurt him. So you don't need to worry about it...."

How could someone be so perfect and make Sirius feel so many things at the same time? Remus hadn't spoken much tonight. But everything he had said had been perfect. And it felt incredible. Sirius knew he could never properly introduce Remus to his real parents. But this, what Remus had said had been the perfect thing he could've said to them. Fortunately Effie and Monty were the closest thing Sirius had to parents.

So Sirius kissed Remus now. He couldn't take it anymore. And he had been wanting to do that all night.

"Oh!" Effie exclaimed.

Fleamont cleared his throat uncomfortably.

"Surely times have changed" he said.

Sirius broke apart embarrassed.

"Sorry"

Remus was smiling. Then Sirius smiled. And everyone smiled. They slowly began laughing. Until everything felt normal again and everything was fine.

"Not to be homophobic or anything but it is quite disgusting when you do that" Marlene said.

"I think it is adorable" Lily smiled.

"I prefer that than James drooling for Lily all the time" Fleamont said making everyone laugh.

Lily blushed embarrassed.

"Oh shut up, old man" James protested.

"You disrespectful brat..." Fleamont tutted.

Sirius was so happy and relaxed now. He could be free with Remus. At least around The Potters. Which was good, because he was planning on visit them a lot.

Sirius grabbed Remus' hand, on top of the table now and he felt a rush of adrenaline. It felt so good.

Remus smiled.

"I love you" he mouthed.

Sirius smiled too.

"Love you more"

Remus looked so happy as well. They had hidden for so long. This was a relief.

"Now that we know about you two..." Effie said "we will have to talk about boundaries, and that sharing of beds..."

Sirius and Remus weren't the only ones that went red. Fleamont did it as well. And he moved in his seat uncomfortably. Perhaps it would take him some time to get used to it. But he was trying. He was definitely not like Orion.

"Effie, we are living together..."

Effie gapsed "And we definitely have to chat about that..."

Remus laughed. Sirius smiled because he was happy. His real parents would never accept Remus. They didn't even care who he dated and what made him happy as long as it didn't stain the Family name. Too late for that. Effie and Monty were like parents to Sirius. Sirius was happy that at least them accepted him for who he was. And that was more than enough.

[b-blushes]

chronic illness/disability stuff/woe

everything happens so much! I'd been putting off moving to the next dose of my migraine meds bc every time i do that i have to get bloods done to make sure it's not obliterating my organs or whatever and i am loathe to spend my one 'well enough to make a commitment to be able to leave the house' day that i get per week on yet another drs appointment. but i really need to get around to doing that and given that i feel so awful today i was like 'okay might as well do that because if i'm going to feel awful anyway i might as well make the adjustment now and just get over it' (like. if i'm feeling fine then i am happy to keep putting it off bc the aim is like, quality of life? and if i'm having good days then i am grasping every single one that comes to me) so in the meantime i was trying to just spend that day each week doing something nice instead of Being My Own Patient And Dr and trying to boost morale bc you know it's also bad for your physical health if you are miserable and stressed all the time! anyway looked at how long it had been since my last blood test. 'surely it was like 6 weeks, i've been really pushing it, a lot of time must have passed i've been trying so hard to keep a handle on things and yes i feel terrible now and i've overdone it but i *have* made some lovely memories'. hasn't even been 3 weeks 😭 i don't wanna be so ill all the time :( breaks my heart. i was talking to a family member about how things have been lately and they looked so defeated and were like 'it's just so sad' and i was like HELLO. yes but you're not supposed to say it lest i weep!!! :P (there is not really a good response though bc if people gloss over it it's really hurtful, bc, like, this is my reality. i guess i was just taken aback a bit at the reflection of how bleak things are bc it's just my everyday life and i'm making the best of it!) (i guess matter of fact-ness is my preference, rather than seeming more upset than me :P) anyway. it's fine. I have some really really lovely things lined up that i think i will be able to do (like, i have planned them to be within my 'normal' grasp, so hopefully i don't get worse in the next few weeks), i'm gonna cancel some other things i had planned by myself to focus any time i am doing Activities on spending time with my family and friends who i love! there are options for medical things, i have always got to remember that i have choices and i can act on them! even if they are between 'bad and less bad' rather than 'good and bad', there is agency to some degree! it's just a rough patch, i say, as if the last few years has not been a string of them :P BUT although heath things have been trending downwards, other things (like my mood in general! and my friendships!) have been trending upwards! so that's something! it probably won't be as bad as i fear, and the medical admin will probably be easier than i think, and i'll probably be able to change my prescription easier than i think, and uhhh some other things! it will be fine!

[pheita]

Blood Night AU Beginning Part 2

Do I have too much fun with this? Yes Should I re-write Sea of Memories but write this? Yes Do I maybe write more? Bet on it.

Taggin @ashen-crest @tabswrites @contes-de-rheio @abalonetea @chris-the-dragonslayer @writingamongther0ses

The sun stung his eyes, even if the strange fog that had lingered for weeks took some of it away. Lyran inwardly cursed himself and why he hadn't gone to bed earlier, but in the end he had earned well and what was too little sleep. Wearing his traveling clothes and his lyre over his shoulder, he made his way to the marketplace, where the group of merchants he was going to travel with was to gather. Even from a distance, there was something strange. The noise level that usually accompanied the packing and gathering of such a group did not reach his ears. A glance up to check the position of the sun told Lyran that it was just after sunrise, as agreed. Arriving at the market, he found only the usual everyday bustle, but no merchant group. A deep sigh escaped him. "By the Five, not again…" "Thought you were from Wealzaryth," a familiar voice sounded behind him. Still searching his mind for where the voice belonged, Lyran turned to find Arritit before him, wrapped in several layers of thin cloaks. "What gave me away, dear Arritit?" "Your brightly colored clothing last night. Such colorfulness is usually found only in Wealzaryth. But what interests me more: What happened again?"

She tugged at her cloaks and pulled them further around her. Lyran reached out and pulled her closer to one of the stalls that offered hot food. Being near the fire should help a little against the cold, even if this early in the morning it was a wasted effort. "I usually travel with the merchants. The last group was supposed to take me all the way to Lagawood and left Dristwood without me, and the group I was supposed to set out for Lagawood with today isn't here." "Hey, bard, you mean the merchants from Stramsa'gonil?" the stall owner asked. Lyran looked over his shoulder at the young fellow. "I do. You know something?" "They took off as soon as it got bright, as if a horde of demons were after them. Never seen anything like it. Panicked and disorganized like kids playing trader." "Thank you, my friend. That helps a bit." Thoughtfully, Lyran had raised his hand and waggled his index finger. Beside him, Arritit chuckled. "If you want to go to Lagawood, we can team up. Provided you can wait another day." "One more day won't matter now. But isn't it too dangerous?" Again she laughed, then looked at him seriously. "I guess you forgot that I have magic. It doesn't get any safer than with me, dearest Lyran." "In that case, I'll gladly accept the offer. I'm too young and too talented to end up as monster food." A slight bow accompanied his statement, which made Arritit laugh again. Out of the corner of his eye, he noticed some people watching them, though it wasn't clear why. "I couldn't agree more." "The only question then is how I can show my appreciation for it." "I have an idea or two." The flash in her eyes was already a warning. It was a manner he knew too well from Wealmoore's court, when some nobleman thought he could gain an advantage. "Will you fill me in?" "Let's start with you helping me carry. I clearly need different footwear and cloaks in this dreary weather. Especially if I want to keep going north." She shook herself at the last part of the sentence, clearly reluctant to expose herself to snow. "I'm not a particularly big fan of snow, either." "Then we already have something in common." "Then let me be your pack mule for the day, we wouldn't want you to catch a cold or worse." "How very thoughtful of you," she replied, amused, and turned to leave.

With purpose, Arritit walked toward one of the booths. The way she moved through the crowd, knowing where the farmers stood with their puny chickens for slaughter, and exactly where to go so she would be at the merchant of her choice, was not only elegant, but also a testament to the fact that this was not her first time in the city. Eyes always at the sides, Lyran followed her with a little more effort and also to soak up the atmosphere of the market. Something was different from the last days, but he could not name it. It was little things, like the kind of sounds that sounded clearer and at the same time strangely dull, the inhabitants in themselves, going about their day's work on one side and at the same time there was something invisible on their shoulders that depressed their attitude and mood. It reminded him of the scary stories he loved as a child.

"Welcome, welcome! What can I do for you on this cold morning?" the merchant shouted enthusiastically. Like a little box devil, he jumped off his stool. "I need a warm coat. It was still summer when I left, and I need to get to Stramsa'gonil," Arritit explained without mincing words. Her gaze already at a particularly thick one. "You'll need more than just a thick coat there. Do you have gloves and hats? Scarves? Sturdy footwear that's lined? Trust me, losing limbs to the snow is no fun." To punctuate, the merchant raised a hand with the little finger missing. Arritit raised her hand defensively with a smirk that Lyran felt confident but also playful, making him excited to see what she would do now. He leaned a few steps aside from her against the thick beam that held the faded fabric roof of the booth and observed. "Do not worry, dear friend, it is not my first trip to the north, but if you would be willing for a few Renvalis less to add one of your beautiful furs to me as a collar, I would not be averse. I would like to arrive at my mother's house in good health." The merchant put his hand on his chest and nodded gravely. Lyran almost laughed and just managed to make it end in a grunt. "You're visiting your old mother and traveling across the continent to do it? Great mother, what a great heart you have," briefly the merchant looked around at the goods Arritit had his eye on and sighed, "Such a deed must be rewarded. Twelve Renvalis for my thickest coat and largest fur." Even though Arritit clasped her hands in front of her mouth in a gesture of apparent emotion, Lyran saw from his position how she grinned broadly behind it. The fur alone was probably worth that much, and she had just cheated the poor merchant out of good money with her sob story, but if he fell for it, nothing could be done. "How generous of you. May the Great Mother bless you for it." While the deal was being transacted, Lyran's eyes wandered over the nearby stalls. At the candy stand, he stopped. "I'll be right back." "I'll find you, my pretty pack mule."

Briefly, his steps faltered, but Lyran shook the comment away. Arritit wasn't the first to think him handsome, even if it was one of the few times someone had dropped it so casually. "Morning, what can I do for you?" the stall owner mumbled sleepily. Lyran quickly surveyed the display and nodded in satisfaction. "I'll take three irons each from that one, that one, and that one." With the speed of a sleepy man, the owner readied the scales and weighed the dried fruits and nuts Lyran had pointed to. He had just paid and stowed the small bag of goodies in his travel bag when Arritit also appeared behind him as if she had come out of a portal. "Provisions for tonight or for the road?" "Both. The amount should last a few days." Lyran glossed over the part about how it only worked if he didn't pounce on the candy like a ravenous pack of wolves. "Did you plan on me, too?" she just grinned cheekily. "What?" "Now that I know you have candy, you have to share. Old travel rule." Slowly, she walked past him, but kept her eyes on him. A shiver ran down Lyran's spine as the thought occurred to him that she didn't just want dried fruit.

In all the years he had never responded to advances made to him, and he didn't want to start now, but Lyran couldn't stand the loneliness anymore, nor could he stand being alone again after a while. Maybe it was time to give up his principles. His breath clouded his vision as he snorted at the thought that this was probably the core of why bards were said to be unfaithful, chasing the next score everywhere. It was a self-fulfilling prophecy basically, if people just treated them like better brothel whores, then eventually they acted like it. The thought alone disgusted Lyran to the point of chilling him. Arritit looked over her shoulder, wavy hair hiding half her face, but it was enough to see that she cared. "Are you all right?" "It's fine, just some dark thoughts that the morning hasn't dispelled yet." Her gaze continued to linger on him until at the end, Lyran looked away. "Have you had breakfast yet?" "Not much." The serious look that probably all healers and shamans learn in their training met Lyran's eyes. At the same moment, Arritit grabbed near his hand and pulled him to the nearest food stall. "Two milk teas with honey and two bread pockets with meat and vegetables." "You don't have to do that," Lyran tried to contradict, but again the punishing look hit him. "I know enough bards. You're always on the verge of keeling over on me from hunger because you don't eat enough, so you can keep traveling. Besides, I need you to keep your strength up if you're going to haul everything for me, right?" Arritit grinned cheekily at him, paid the vendor, and passed his portion to Lyran in a way that didn't even make him think of objecting further. "Thanks." "You've got good manners, too, not just a pretty face." "I do what I can," Lyran laughed into his cup.

[xbarwa]

thought sheet

Why haven’t squirrels evolved enough to to not run across a busy street?

Lovely people 

Maybe i Am Secluding Myself, 

Sometimes i’m not in a position to be thinking logically. 

Would anyone care that Kanye was a college drop out if he didn’t become Kanye  West? Would anybody care that Steve Harvey was homeless if he didn’t become Steve Harvey? 

Everyone is delusional, the only delusion that matter s is my own delusion.

The one true opinion that counts is my own, other people can’t define me 

Sometimes When i’m Bored, Life Is Beautiful. Idk if that made sense. 

I’m realizing how sporadic and unorthodox i can be, kind of contradictory to being a designer. But, maybe that’s my strength as a designer. Maybe i’m just an artist masquerading as a designer. 

We are truly made in Gods image, the Creator. One of the most amazing things about people is the ability to manifest, and create.

Yoji said, the hills of the Sand is Always Changing 

Don’t Go too much, Look Back 

Gorgeous Moment 

Endless brawl & bicker, Anxious love & mishaps 

The gorgeous moment i met you is now an ugly memory.

Petty Privilege. 

Like the sun is a massive concentration of energy, i am a massive concentration of creative energy

My love for you is inevitable.

Art as a means to escape the  mundanities of everyday life. 

Art as a means to an End.

We’re two valence electrons, we’re forming a covalent bond. <3

I think about you, a lot. <3

I’ve never known anyone more beautiful. 

Someone always has to care first.

When i fell in love with you i was never the same.

Never let anyone define you.

I want to disappear, I want you to come with me.  

Everyone around me feels alien

Crossing the line to know where it starts 

This dance that we’re doing..We are just celebrating our vices.

I guess a person’s driving really gets worse as they reach a certain age.

Beautiful lies veil over the ugly truths

Simplicity is the ultimate sophistication 

Serotonin from staring into your eyes 

I’m so madly in love with you, on a late Wednesday afternoon

Constant pursuit of freedom while becoming a slave to it 

I’m in love with the complex and chaotic symphony that is you, you are the sound of madness that is my favorite tune 

Metallic ruffling 

What is the world coming to

What has the world been up to lately

Lean into yourself 

Beautiful madness, the calming night storm 

I use to think about you a lot, now I can’t stomach the thought 

We don’t think about the beginning until it’s the end 

Slaves to the idea of freedom 

Dance of Desire

I don’t trust anyone

My intuition is the greatest gift 

When it rains, new insights 

& wisdom pour into me 

Love is the most scarce resource 

No tender love & affection 

I’m in love, again. Just as Spring came again

Schopenhauer’s porcupines 

Something doesn’t feel right

When you’re not around my heart aches for you

There is no time for resentment 

I wonder if it’s my own fault for wanting more than one can offer 

Trust fell into love again

In the whole universe, who can I trust? 

I hate when I do this

An entire room just for clothes

[simowis]

Monthly nonsense：

I got used to draw prothean and forget how to draw human，nooooo

he is refusing me again and again in my head canon...

if no official update , 5 years seem to be the maximum time to love a character, with production. I wonder how many I can give him.And I wish I will love him longer.

Love him more and more day by day.

Really like the smile Javik I drew and make it my screen wallpaper. So sweet and shine. If he’s not sculpted by the war…

I have so many word to say to him

too much need to read

how many non-sex javik fanfic exist??

I understand why I love him so much now, I realize I can never ignore him, for he is an Asian, obviously, the way he endure, his softness and warmth are Asian, silence and not easy to find. And his final end, now I understand more about his mission success with glory to end his life to be. It still hurt me,but now I know this.Good day everyday Javik, you are the best.

Starving, want more prothean related or just Javik fanfics, no-sex content will be better. I want to know more about him in other’s opinion.

I'm not good at coloring, now I need to study this, and photoshop maybe later. So much need to learn, so much need to read, so much need to think, because of him.

Just wanna hug him and tell him everything will be fine though not possible at all, and accept his memory and feeling deep inside

I found Javik laughing more often than I thought he would. As long as you count the corners of his lips grinning upwards when he speaks as smiling. He occasionally can't help himself.

I can only be relieved when he gets a good ending.

I guess t'sovik advocates, maybe their Shepard has another love interest; maybe they prefer liara and want her to be happy without Shepard? At least for them, Javik is not the relatively important character, right?

Helpless and frustrated to realise that I have to portray javik and the other prothean in a human perspective, and that even though I try to empathise with the prothean as much as I can, ultimately I have to make it comprehensible to the readers, and the readers are human.

These days when I'm reading, I always have a prothean in my head. "How would these things happen in their society?" "How would they think about all this?" "Would these things be problems for them?" "What would they think of our culture?" It's like one person in two roles, double the mental energy drain, but pleasurable.

Me: Try to use five fingers together as three to experience the daily life of a prothean.

Still, even among those who loved him, no one was seen to have actually given him a happy ending. It has to be me, only I can do it ……

ficbook has many fanfic about Javik! oh my...

Most of the Javik fanfic in Russian is full of sadness and makes me depressed. And AO3 is all sex… Can't say which one is even worse, there are very accurately written novels in both of them. But with Javik, none of the novels give Javik a good ending… I die for that.

A bit want to see a kongfu prothean, emmm

Big eyes, long lashes, he looks beautiful. a side of alien, with a very long back of the head; a side of human, which his head carapace just like a hat, somewhat army cap. His eyebrow, his carapace, under his carapace, or even his eyelid shows his emotions. His eyes, yes, are the windows of his heart. He never faking his emotions, he was just, well, hard to detect. If big eye's eyebrow is hard to detect, his smaller eyes shows much more emotions.

I wonder maybe his cheeks grew less bony if he ate well enough.

Russian fanfic know what sacrifice is, wonderful.

How much lonely he has...

he's beautiful. and i'll make him look even better.

Maybe the part of Tali’s races which Javik said prothean appreciated is their EYES. prothean absolutely love eyes.

So wishing he was standing behind me and gently touched my shoulder with his finger. I turned my head to look at him and was kissed. Because he knows we humans need this, he knows that humans don't understand companionship in the same way as prothean, that human ways takes a closer act to make it work, and so he's willing to do that for me...he passes his stability through the touch, that it's okay, that everything's okay. Once I had calmed down, his cool lips, simply pressed against me again gently, and I wanted to kiss his eyes in that moment. ——that's what in my dream.

After so many javik's head drawing, it seems i finally have a kinda of style in drawing him. A thin, young javik, with many line ignored

Wish I could invite him to my country's local cuisine. Can he eat spice?

I spent a lot of time in shamusyoung's collection of ME critiques, and if the reading time for each one was ten minutes, it took over an hour to read the contents of the review. And that's still the fastest case.

Don’t stare at me with your four beautiful yellow eyes I just can’t handle them…

If copulate with a prothean isn’t like with human, if Ithe mating ritual is a spiritual fusion？

I think he would have been a poet or a philosopher or a scientist in peacetime.

Is it possible that the red outline on javik's chin is a prothean male trait? Female Protheans don't have this?

Could the prothean be a bioweapon bred by the Inusarian to be used against the Reapers?

I can't relieve my feelings without drawing.

[sleeplessinpnw]

It's been awhile since I last posted. Thought I would make a life update post.

The summer is finally creeping up on us. It's May now and the warm weather is in full play. I'm so happy!! In a different place these days. Well... kind of. Until I'm put into a stressful situation. But for the most part, my depression has been a little less intense and I'm just feeling.... good. In a good mood today.

Going to St. Croix for my birthday in June and for aunt Barbaras memorial. I didn't know her very well, but I feel happy to be able to be with family during the occasion. About to meet a lot of cousins! I hope I will be able to remember names. Been trying to budget shopping for clothes to go. It hit me last night that I have tons of tees and some tank tops. I guess I mostly need comfortable bottoms and shorts to wear. GAINED WEIGHT!! Nothing old fits anymore. Going to hold onto some things though just in case my weight comes off. With my lifestyle habits, I have no idea when that will be happening. Just ordered a jump rope in hopes to at least get some cardio in since I hate running. Going to the store later today in hopes of getting healthier food. I do nooootttt know how to eat healthy apparently. I eat a lot of quesadillas and carbs so.... Going to try and cut back and eat salads. I don't even think my salads are healthy lol but better than canned food and mac n cheese.

I started vaping and 80 bucks later, I think it's time to quit. Obviously that's the smartest idea. Idk.... I'm trying not to smoke weed anymore and it gets hard when I'm use to smoking everyday. So whyyyyy a vape?? Nicotine is worse but it doesnt trigger the voices I hear. Weed does. I need to learn how to be sober and happy. I just.... get bored?? I'm awful!! Lol

Work is on hold for right now. I've been on break for now 2 and a half weeks. Still have money in my account but obviously that isn't going to last forever. Just trying to keep myself in a steady mood while I'm back to doing nothing. At least the sun is out. I can sit in the backyard and take in my surroundings. Trying not to drink at the moment as much because of my weight. But I dont need to always drink in the sun, it just makes it fun. Go figure. Anyway, I need to start applying for jobs again. I've been holding off because 1) I'm suppose to hear back from Sol for when they need more help again 2) St Croix is in two weeks and I feel like it would be hard to start a new position and then leave for a week 3) I'm still going to try and get a job with Premier Press and Q told me to wait and apply the end of June, beginning of July.

Therapy has been going well. I enjoy my sessions for the most part with my therapist. She's very sweet and I think I have made large progress since first starting. August is going to be a very large moment for me because it will mark the 1 year anniversary since being hospitalized. I told my mom that it's important to me. I want to celebrate some how. August will never be the same for me. I still have things that I need to clean out of my room from my voodoo craze. I should do that today.... it would feel good. It's hard looking at the mess in the corner of my room but once it's gone I think that I wil feel better. I really did some damage on my belongings and Ashley's. I will never fully recover from my actions. Scars. But I am working on moving forward everyday. I went to Mackenzies bridal shower yesterday and being in that community was SO HARD. I made it though. It's just weird being around parts of her world because the voices weirdly attached to it and it's humiliating to be around her. She was beyond sweet to me though and it felt good celebrating her for the evening.

Well.... thats kind of all the update I have. I'm going to try and check in with myself here more regularly. Cheers to bettering my mental well being, being strong and powering through all of this and getting better. I got this! Life keeps going on and is too short to keep beating myself up. Lot's of self love (minus the vaping BS).