#guys who fight a lot for angst purposes (pretty cool)

[quirinah]

post that totally isn’t vagueing my really specific taste in character dynamics dot jpeg

[makeste]

BnHA Chapter 315: I Didn’t Expect This to Blow Up

Previously on BnHA: Horikoshi was all “guess which plot that you thought was dead is actually not dead and is making a comeback!” and we were all “EVIL HPSC??” and he was all “girl you know it,” and that’s the story of how we got a sexy Lady Nagant flashback with lots of guns and murder. Flashback!Lady was all “gotta murder peeps to preserve the people’s trust,” but then a little while later she was like “actually wait that makes no sense,” and so she shot her evil boss and they sent her to jail. Back in the present, Deku was all “okay fair, the hero system might in fact be a little fucked up, but hear me out... have you considered not helping AFO take over the world so he can murder like a bazillion more innocent people??” The chapter ended with the not-all-there Overhaul finally revealing himself to Deku, and I honestly have no idea where this is gonna go.

Today on BnHA: In what is unfortunately the single worst plan ever concocted by anyone in BnHA, Nagant is all “I’m going to try and get this Deku kid to panic and freeze up by putting someone in mortal danger.” Deku is all, “[doesn’t panic and freeze up at the sight of someone in mortal danger].” Nagant is all “omg no way.” Deku, who is now all of a sudden being so OP that even I have to acknowledge that it’s OP lol, is all “[smashes Nagant’s gun arm to bits]”, which sucks but is also really cool, and which also apparently makes Nagant decide that she actually likes this kid after all. Deku is all “NAGANT I REALLY LIKE YOU AND THINK YOU’RE GREAT SO PLEASE JOIN UP WITH ME AND STOP BEING EVIL.” Nagant is all “aw shucks (✿ •͈ᴗ•͈) well okay then” and everyone is all “( ･◡･) ✰ ( ˆᴗˆ ) ( ᵘ ᵕ ᵘ ⁎)” and then Nagant FUCKING EXPLODES LIKE AN EGG IN THE MICROWAVE AND FALLS TO HER DEATH!!!! except not really because Hawks saves her??? In conclusion, (a) THE FUCK, and (b) AFO TURN ON YOUR LOCATION I JUST WANT TO TALK.

so I have to tell you guys something, which is that barely ten minutes after I made that “please don’t send me spoilers” post the other day, someone replied to the comments in a stunning fit of “tell me that you’re twelve without actually telling me you’re twelve” energy and posted what seemed to be the copy-pasted spoiler summary from reddit or twitter or whatever lol. so here is my good news/bad news rundown of all that

good news: I have very well-conditioned ABORT!! reflexes and have trained myself to immediately look away from the screen (usually in dramatic fashion) as soon as I realize that whatever I’m reading is a spoiler

bad news: unfortunately as I was subsequently deleting said comments, I accidentally read the very last one

good news??: said spoiler was so unbelievably, absurdly over-the-top that I’m almost positive this person was just trolling. like, there’s just no way lmao

bad news: but in the unlikely event that it is true I will absolutely lose my shit I swear to god

(ETA: “NAGANT DIES.” that was the spoiler I read lol. like, literally all I read from the person’s comments was “My Hero Academia Chapter 315 Title: “Beautiful Words.” Chapter starts with...” and then I noped out of there, and then of all the comments to read as I was deleting, it had to be that one lol. I seriously was just like “SURE, JAN.” all “just how gullible do you think I am” sob. but I was wrong. a troll, but an honest troll they remain.

but anyways like I’m pretty sure Nagant isn’t even actually dead lol, so in the end this whole little adventure doesn’t even have a point to it, but for me it was a journey!)

anyway, so there are apparently two versions of the chapter today?? no idea what the difference is, but I’m going to go with the Bean version, because it’s the one at the top and I don’t feel like making decisions today

huh, so Overhaul is actually more coherent than Horikoshi was letting on

look at him having a whole back and forth conversation with her. side note, how is he still this jacked when he’s been sitting in a cell doing absolutely nothing for the past six months

anyway so he says he’ll go with her on one condition. I wonder what that condition could possibly be. do you think it could be the thing he literally hasn’t shut up about ever since he reappeared lol

yep! and damn -- maybe this guy will surprise me after all

still would be nice if you also felt a bit sorry for the little girl you tortured and traumatized, but this is something at least. maybe Deku will yell at him for that other stuff lol

(ETA: also can’t help but wonder if he wants to make amends because he put him in a coma, or because his plan was a failure and ended up destroying the family. just hoping you’ve finally had that “hurting other people is bad” epiphany dude.)

anyways so now Nagant’s arm is transforming again, and this particular transformation happens to be the only truly unsexy thing that Nagant has done thus far so I’m just gonna skip right on ahead lol

aaaaand we’re back to the delirious ranting

buddy. just. read the fucking room, guy

wow she really is aiming at Overhaul, then. those theories were spot-on

damn she’s really out here all “it really fucks with kids’ heads when you kill people right in front of them and make them blame themselves” like yo

I’m picturing her saying all this in a very loud stage-whispery tone while making very significant eye contact with Deku lol

uh oh but wait

um. okay. who’s gonna tell her. Nagant I might have some bad news for you about the kid you’re trying to capture here. specifically about the way he tends to do the opposite of what you’re thinking that he’s about to do

holy shit

so it’s basically just “tap x repeatedly to charge up your attack” lol

and okay, so that’s cool and all, but is anyone else wincing at the thought of what that must be like on his knees. oh to be young

anyway, but so to the surprise of basically no one, Deku did not, in fact, freeze. I am very sorry, Nagant. he’s just like this

LMAO

someone wanna tell me how getting yoloed in the fucking ribs by this fucking slingshot kid moving at literal sniper bullet speed is in any way even remotely better than getting hit by the bullet itself lol

(ETA: this is 10x funnier now that we know the bullet wasn’t even gonna hit him lmao.)

anyway so now Nagant is having an extended “!?!?!?” reaction about how Deku just moved with no hesitation, and I’m starting to get an inkling of fear that the rest of this fight isn’t going to go very well for her and maybe that’s what all the “hoo boy” is about

oh my god Deku are you about to Gomu Gomu no Rocket yourself at her you insane little man

now Three is popping up again and he’s all “I see you’ve learned your lesson and are now only using three quirks at once instead of five” like with all this effusive praise about how great and badass Deku is and sob, okay, yeah. this chapter is basically one of those machines that shoots tennis balls at people, except instead of tennis balls it shoots hot piping discourse

OH MY GOD

YOOOOOOOOOO but also, NOOOOOOOOOOO

lol oh my god it’s literally two opposing reactions at once wtf. do I love this or hate this. like just for once can Horikoshi actually let a badass lady character win their fucking fight without getting their arm ripped off, BUT ALSO fucking look at that absurdly cool “SMASH” onomatopoeia though. it looks like it’s about to float right off the page holy shit that’s some seriously good art

anyway so is this really the end?? do I need to break out my ಠ_ಠ faces

lmao okay yeah I can definitely see how this would piss a lot of people off

he basically one-shotted her and she’s all “damn this kid is so amazing that I’m about to do a complete 180 turn on all of my previous angst” lmao. Horikoshi is really shounening it up today

on the plus side though, maybe this means there’s still a chance for her to join up with him after all? unless that spoiler was true lmao, then all hell is gonna break loose

YESSSSSSS

OH MY GOD AND HE SAYS THE BULLET WOULDN’T HAVE DONE MORE THAN GRAZE OVERHAUL ANYWAY, wow, I’m actually more relieved by that than I would have expected. I mean I would have forgiven her either way, but it means that there was still more hero in her than she was letting on

YES!!! FUCKING YES, THANK YOU

lol but I mean, it’s also like, “oh so today they get to have brain cells”, thank you so much lol. sometimes it’s really hard to tell which times we’re supposed to question these character decisions that seem dumb, and which times we’re just supposed to full on embrace them and switch off our critical thinking

but okay, so in this case it really was Nagant going easy on him on purpose, and not just her fucking up for no good reason even though she used to do this for a living and was the best in the game. and I know in this case it’s probably just Horikoshi giving us some consolation headpats to soften the blow of her losing so abruptly, but you know what, shit. I’ll take it

also you guys the light is coming back into Deku’s eyes again for just a moment here and I’m having feels about it?? the way it still comes back when he’s reaching out to save someone, and following his own hero path instead of the much darker and lonelier Christopher Nolan path that’s been laid out for him instead that he never wanted?? it’s both reassuring and also very sad

YESSSSSSSSSSS

DO IT LADY OMG PLEASE?? PLEASE COME BE HIS NEW IRRESPONSIBLE ADULT SUPERVISION YOU KNOW YOU WANT TO

AHHHHHHH SHE’S GONNA DO IT AHHHH

p.s. I am now absolutely scared shitless that that spoiler was actually true sob. swear to god, I will throw this manga into a fucking volcano. but we’re almost at the end of the chapter and this seems just WAY TOO GOOD to be true fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck f

UCK

NOPE NAH SEND IT BACK, NOPE, NUH UH, DIDN’T ORDER THIS. “GULLIBLE” OKAY FUCK YOU?? “COUNTERMEASURES” NOPE, DON’T NEED ‘EM, WE’RE ALL FINE HERE. WE’RE ACTUALLY GOOD SO YOU CAN JUST GO, OKAY. PLEASE

fuck, lol, I don’t wanna do it. I don’t wanna scroll down what have I ever done to deserve this oh my god

WHAT THE HONEY-ROASTED FUCK

WHERE THE FUCK IS THAT FUCKING VOLCANO IN ICELAND THAT I KEEP SEEING ALL THESE PICTURES OF. WHERE THE FUCK IS THAT SHIT. LET’S GO

ARE YOU SERIOUS RIGHT NOW

can someone please give AFO a really good, sharpish kick in the balls. just really let him have it. I’m so tired, what the fuck

-- ARE YOU KIDDING ME LOL WHAT

bro. I was literally going through my Excel folders to find the spreadsheet about female characters in BnHA that I made back when Midnight died. was gearing myself up for a wholeass rant. and honestly I might just let all of that continue simmering on low to keep it warm just in case lol, because to tell you the truth I have absolutely no idea what’s happening right now

my girl straight up does not have a face. she used to have a face. people usually need those, idk. like, even if she’s alive, her gorgeous eyebrows are definitely not making it out of this and I’m gonna throw a funeral just for them

how the fuck did AFO just blow her up?? how did he know what was going on?? and if he had a quirk that could explode people at will, why is this the first we’re hearing of it?? you’d think that might have come in handy at Kamino or Jakku, like what

(ETA: present!me, who’s had more than three hours of sleep and can now actually remember facts about the series, would like to remind past!me that AFO gave Nagant a quirk, and so this is probably just more Vestige shenanigans now on his part. that’s also probably why Air Walk suddenly stopped working out of nowhere. still doesn’t explain why he doesn’t go around blowing people up more often though but maybe he thinks it’s gauche.)

Hawks just straight up out of nowhere. just Mirioed his way straight into the chapter just in time to be too late sob. here I was looking forward to seeing your face when Deku showed up with his new best friend. can’t believe Horikoshi deprived us of that moment

on the plus side, WELCOME BACK, HAWKS’S FEATHERS. I have no doubt that in this chapter of Deku being an almighty threequirk-mastering god, and Nagant losing anticlimactically only to be immediately blown up because girl characters in BnHA can only be cool for one fight and one fight only, there are still some people who are focusing solely on the “how dare Hawks get his wings back when he is a MURDERER this is an outrage what about CONSEQUENCES” discourse, and to hell with all the other discourses lmao

anyway, so yeah. wow. and now it’s just occurring to me that maybe the real reason why Overhaul is there is so he can get a head start on that amend-making by actually doing a good thing for once in his life, and using his quirk to heal Nagant. assuming he can still do that

and so now Horikoshi has got me out here actually rooting for Overhaul. you know what, on that note I think I’m just gonna go ahead and call it a day sob

[shotorozu]

after quarreling

character(s) : shinsou hitoshi, bakugou katsuki, todoroki shouto

legend : [Y/N = your name] they/them pronouns, quirk not specific

headcanon type : mild angst to fluff

note(s) : i had this idea in my head for the longest time omg, probably since november— but i’m glad i finally got to write this out. in this post, i don’t really go into too many details with what your fight was about, and i deal on how they try to make up with you and stuff.

»»————-　♡　————-««

shinsou hitoshi

you guys never really fight, since both of you aren’t petty to drag out a topic to a point there’s some serious discourse

pretty calm throughout the entire thing. no one yells in this argument, more of sarcastic remarks

not the type to immediately want to solve the conflict, because he might make matters worse if he added insult onto the injury

but he won’t tolerate it if you purposely stop hanging out in the places you usually go to because of him (if that makes sense)

like,, lets say he’s already in the hero course, and his room is literally infront of yours. he wouldn’t like it if you waited until noon to leave your room because of him

hitoshi really doesn’t want to make you uncomfortable, even if you guys are feuding

but lets say he’s sorry, or he fucked up in some way— like he wasn’t taking care of himself, or he said something out of hand (which is quite rare)

again, he’ll leave you be for now— but once he’s alone in his room, he’ll start thinking a lot

like “are they going to break up with me? did i hurt their feelings to the point they’re miserable? are they afraid of me?” stuff like that.

it’s really sad seeing him like that

but even so, he’ll still treat you the same. he’ll buy your favorite snack/drink, and hitoshi will ask your friends to give it to them, but they have to promise that they won’t tell you who it’s from

he’ll conveniently place anything you’ll need on your desk like “oh.. where did this hair tie come from? i needed one.”

then, he’ll look at you when he feels your eyes on him— and theres this silent agreement between the both of you; that you don’t want to be like this anymore

he’ll be really happy to have you in his arms once again.

bakugou katsuki

fights happen but not like to the point you guys are at each other’s throats 24/7 or to the point it’s getting toxic

if you think bakugou will admit he’s wrong in a fight with you, then you are wrong

his pettiness will reach the highest of levels, and his endearing ‘insults’ jabbed towards you will be filled with venom, with wrongful intent

there are times he’ll come to apologize to you, but that’s when he knows he really fucked up, like for example.. he accidentally attacked you during an exercise by accident

then, he’ll definitely apologize to that

but him ‘fessing up his mistakes first is once in a blue moon, and definitely when pigs start flying. it’s harsh, and while you’re used to it— it doesn’t mean it hurts any less

it’s mixed. lots of yelling involved, which isn’t the real issue here— you’re used to bakugou being loud, but he will get louder during those squabbles.

or he will become silent. like really quiet, to the point it looks like his mom is scolding him.

depending on the severity of the fight, he’ll either make up with you on the spot— or he’ll leave, just so he doesn’t end up accidentally setting off his quirk.

moving onto examples. let’s say for instance, he accidentally said something harsh. like.. you’re distracting him from important things

and i’d be swinging at him if he told me that, but you’re really offended and hurt. but you don’t want to make matters worse— so you leave.

and he’ll assume you’ll just come back to him, acting like nothing has happened, but you don’t soo..

he starts thinking, and that’s when he knows he fucked up. he can’t just act like that for the rest of his life, he can’t be the best version of himself if he doesn’t make a resolve.

sorry won’t immediately fly out of his mouth, it’s quite hard for him to say it himself— so he’ll start doing things better

he’ll make something when it’s breakfast/lunch/dinner, and he’ll ‘make too much’ food. but he’ll leave it in the fridge for you to eat

glares at anyone that pokes fun at you too much, but it’s from afar. you guys are still fighting but that doesn’t mean he won’t be protective of you

then finally, when you’re alone— he’ll look at you, practically pulling you towards him, and also so you guys can talk things out

he’ll totally act like nothing bad happened, even though it was so tense hours ago. but he’ll be clinging to your side for the rest of the day.

todoroki shouto

again, similar to shinsou— you guys never fight. he’s clueless for sure sometimes, but you’re rational enough to clear it up before it gets bad.

but there will be a couple of hard patches, just like any other relationship.

he doesn’t really know what he did wrong at some points, and even if you point it out to him— he’ll still stand by his point

and he has no filter sometimes so sorry, he won’t be afraid to be brutally honest. but don’t get me wrong, he doesn’t do it on purpose. he’s just not conscious about it

but honesty IS honesty

shouto usually freezes up whenever terrible fights happens, because of his childhood (which is an explanation in itself) and because of that, he will avoid the conflict as much as he can

he’ll brush the situation off, and he won’t speak on it, completely ignoring it to the best of his abilities. he’ll also be really down— he’ll get really quiet. literally no one wants to mess with him

with the help of the dekusquad, he’ll realize that he can’t stay like this way forever. and he has to face his mistakes eventually.

from the getgo, shouto is that person that’ll give you space after a fight, and he wouldn’t pester you about making up with him. he’ll give you time

the first thing shouto does is showing that he’s sorry through his actions.

he’ll definitely ask midoriya to ask about you to your friends— because your friends will only talk to midoriya lol and

similar to hitoshi, and also very subtly he’ll put the things you need right infront of you “oh. i needed a pen! good thing this one works.”

during the winter, he’ll grab your jacket and heat it up like normal. then during the summer, he’ll fill your water bottle with cool water.

shouto will send you looks during this entire ordeal, checking to see if you’re ready to talk.

and you honestly can’t stay mad at him, because man literally looks like a kicked puppy. someone save him

he’s not stubborn like bakugou, so he’ll admit he’s wrong after realizing it himself— and he’s not shy on apologizing either

after you guys make up with each other, shouto will literally hug you close to him— completely forgetting about everything even if it’s just for a moment

he’s just really happy that he didn’t lose you.

»»————-　♡　————-««

likes and reblogs are appreciated, thanks for reading!

i do not own bnha/mha and it’s characters. boku no hero academia/my hero academia belongs to horikoshi kohei. i only own the writing, and i do not profit off of my hobby

do not plagiarize, reupload, translate, or use my work for audio readings without my permission :))

[joannasteez]

Hey lovely! Could I request a little something for Jax? It could be a headcanon or imagine, it’s up to you. But could it be about the reader is Angel and Ez’s little sister, and she’s in love with Jax?

𝐋𝐎𝐕𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐘𝐎𝐔 {𝐇.𝐂}

𝐏𝐀𝐈𝐑𝐈𝐍𝐆: Jax Teller x Reyes!Reader

𝐍𝐎𝐓𝐄𝐒: The emotional direction wasn’t specified so I kind of just went with what came to me, by the way, This is my very first request!!, so hope whoever sent it in enjoys ❤️

𝐖𝐀𝐑𝐍𝐈𝐍𝐆: Angst. Fluff. I also suck at simplifying things so this is another long head canon, apologies if that sort of thing bothers you all lol.

Credits to the gif maker @tragertrap

Taglist: @my-rosegold-soul @appropriate-writers-name @est1887 @xladymacbethx @elektriknachosss @queenbeered @sesamepancakes @superhoeva @witching-hour @noz4a2 @nutterbu @withmyteeth

If you’d like to be tagged for Mayans MC fics ONLY let me know!!

☠︎

It amazed Felipe at times, scared him even, at how similar you looked to your mother Marisol. The spitting image of her; a younger, but slightly taller, reincarnation. But you were your fathers child through and through. The toothless yet warm endearing smile, the sharp intuitiveness, placid nature, and just through the black center of your eyes, enough experience to cover a few lifetimes. It’s what the Reyes men feared the most, that uncanny familial trait that forces you to bury such soul crushing pain, to turn cold to things that warrant warmth. Your father has it, your brothers as well, Ezekiel more than Angel, and so do you.

You had it now, that calm, collected demeanor, as the guys brought in a bleeding Jax Teller through the entry doors of the lodge. He was barely conscious, eyes dim, limbs heavy, and blood staining all along his color drained skin and the aged leather of his kutte. If you were anyone else you’d be alarmed, startled by the amount of blood and frantic men, but you were you, having seen too many things that resembled such a scene to let even a shudder pass through you.

“Get the kit, we need you to sew him up but he’s lost a lot of blood.”, Bishop says briskly, filled with worry, and your feet move faster than your mind can comprehend, snatching the kit laying near by and pacing to the bedroom where they have Jax. His head elevated by pillows, Both Ezekiel and Angel hot on your tail waiting for you to give them directions.

There’s a poorly wrapped cloth that lays against the wound, and just as you peel it back you pressurize the wound with a gauze. “I need gloves”, you say.

Angel’s a bit taken back, the President of the Sons original charter is on the precipice of death and you’re talking about gloves. “We don’t have time for that”.

“Just get the fucking gloves Angel”, you clip. Tone harsher than it’s meant to be, but he takes no offense and moves quick for the gloves before coming back.

You’re cleaning Jax’s skin once there on, wiping away all the blood that pours from him. A needle in your hand, eyes steady. “This is gonna hurt”.

Jax is sweating, teeth clenched at the piercing sting of the needle. “You sure you know what you’re doing?”

Did he really just ask you that? “I guess we’ll just have to find out”, you deadpan.

“Y/N”, Ezekiel warns.

The situation isn’t funny, a man’s life is on the line but still, you want to laugh at the audacity. “What?! He’s got a bullet in his abdomen and he’s worried about if I know what I’m doing”.

There’s silence now, a heaviness that settles to suffocate the whole lodge it seems. A dread of existential proportions that looms like a phantom in the waning rusted gold of the setting sun. The stillness is calming as you work, slipping the fine needle through his paling skin with a frightening ease that forces a worried look to Ezekiel’s face, Angel’s as well. Mayhem has consumed them all, men who laugh in the face of death everyday are doubling over, overwrought with fear, and here you are, unaware of the dark silhouette that threatens to form over Jax’s body, inching over the walls, creeping slowly as they tease whispers of death through the wispy blow of the wind.

Your brothers leave after while, called out by Bishop and Chibs who are talking over possible scenarios for revenge.

“Can you stay after this......... please?” It’s barely a whisper, and it’s drawled, but you hear the need in his voice.

It compels you to say “Okay”.

When you’re finished you wipe at Jax’s skin again, fingers trembling just the slightest as your mind catches up with your body, or is it the other way around? You’re not sure, but the two have surely had a crashing reunion and now you’re exhausted at such a fast build and fall of adrenaline. You’re thinking now, at the side of the bed, of deeply buried memories because the blood reminds you, it always does. All you see is Marisol, and your vision is blurred, eyes glistening with warm tears that comfort your skin, thumb shaking as you push the wetness away. She’s so lovely in your mind, a bright silhouette framing her and she’s so beautiful, so light and gentle. The aura of her, just from a thought, it makes her presence palpable again, till you remember she isn’t really there. Because it’s just a memory. A timeless mirage of sorts that ungrounds you from reality.

You breath, looking to the clock to find that it’s been three hours already. Three hours of you looking through your memories for your mother, Marisol. It’s purposeful, must be, why the need to think of her is so strong in this moment of all moments.

It’s infuriating, that you weren’t there, you couldn’t save her, but you were here now and you saved Jax. That counts for something right? It had to.

He’s awake again, and you’re not sure how but he is. Must be the force of his will that has his eyes opening, fighting against a sleep that feels too much like forever. “You alright?”

His eyes are a near lifeless blue but still they’ve got shine to them. “I should be asking you that, you’re the one that got shot”.

“Why the tears darlin’ ?”

You’re not up for a personal deep dive, never have been really. “Don’t know what you’re talking about”.

He smiled, noticing your reserved demeanor. “They we’re probably tears for me, I saw how worried you were earlier”, he jokes sarcastically.

You roll your eyes. “Why’d you want me to stay?”

“Didn’t want to die alone, if I did”.

You shake your head, fully convinced of otherwise. “You weren’t gonna die”.

He gives a weak smile. “I know that now since we’re talking, unless this is a dream, or some purgatory shit then I’m screwed”.

You chuckle at his dazed rambling and it makes his weak smile a little stronger as it spreads. Amusement looks good on you. Pretty. “There it is”, he says. Talking about your little smile.

There’s a stretch of silence, and it’s contemplative for Jax. Flashes of the incident from moments prior running through his mind. He’d just met Galindo for the first time, shook his hand, exchanging pleasantries. They’d talked business and at the end all parties seemed happy with the results, but it made him wary. How well everything was going, something somewhere was bound to go wrong, and yeah maybe he was a bit too pessimistic in the moment but it proved him right. The Sons and The Mayans were riding back to the lodge when the Lobos attacked and he can’t remember much after that, just feeling more than alive and then a little ways from death. His father calling him and then his mother, and he almost answered. He’s glad he didn’t.

“I’m sure you know as much as I do, you see a lot of shit when you live this life. Seen more guys than I can count take a bullet, and more times than none I’ve been the one to give it to them”. He’s quiet, contemplative. On the rise of something that resembles an epiphany. “After a while they just become faceless y’know, nameless, just kill #52 on someone’s list. That’s what it felt like, I was about to be on somebody’s fucking list and that shit is scary”. He turns to you then. “And then the next thing I know I’m in here, with your pretty ass standing over me saving my life. I thought I was in heaven”.

You roll your eyes, it’s delirium from the blood loss, making him say things he doesn’t mean. “Even with a bullet wound, flattery gets you no where Teller”.

“Tell me what does”.

———————————————————

𝐎𝐍𝐄 𝐘𝐄𝐀𝐑 & 𝐀 𝐌𝐎𝐍𝐓𝐇 𝐋𝐀𝐓𝐄𝐑

He’s warm under your skin, heartbeat a sweet song that pulses a quiet steady rhythm into your ears. It’s a comforting thing, soothing and mellow like the fiery cool blend of a setting summer sun.

You feel his hand, cool rings caressing the nape of your neck. “You awake baby?”

You move against him, to let him know that you are and a hand pulls gentle at your chin. “Let me see you darlin’ ”

Your body pulls up atop of his, bare chest moving along his and toward him so that you’re face to face, legs tangled together. His hands reach to caress your face, touch a gentle flame that burns to light your skin. It’s the first time you’ve seen him in the morning for weeks, the club stealing him away every moment it could, screwing around with the days you’d set aside to see each other. He grins, loving the dim set of your sleepy eyes. “Hi”.

“Hi”, you say. Tone rasped, sleepy.

There’s a glimmer in his stare, a dazzling sparkle that lives just over the grayish blue of his irises. You don’t identify it, what the warm glint means, for fear of being wrong, but somewhere inside, you know it’s love. It looks to pure to be anything else. He’s grinning again, all nostalgic like. “I was thinking just now, about that day when you patched me up. Best day of my life”.

You scoff. “You almost died”.

“But I got to meet you”.

You’re shaking your head at how lovey dovey he’s being. “Always with the flattery”.

“I’m serious, I fuckin’ love you. More than I ever thought I could”. He rolls you both over easy, his lean build on top surrounding you, fingers still caressing idly against your face and yours drawing along his tattooed back. He kisses you, patient and deep, as if to savor this moment. Staining his memory with the soft pliant flesh of your lips, the airy moan that resonates from your chest, and the lulling skim your nails give the gold of his hair. Forget the Irish and their guns, the Cartel and their H and everything that isn’t this. If he could, he’d stay with you here. Just like this. Forever.

He’s at your neck now, teasing you with tongue wet kisses and stingless nips, but something comes to mind. A wary thought that’s bugged you for a while. “When are we gonna tell my father about us. I want you to meet him”.

He looks to you, confused. “You don’t wanna tell your brothers first?”

“Ezekiel already knows. Found out the first time we met back up to see each other”. You’d thought you’d been sneaky enough that night, leaving after everyone fell asleep, but Ezekiel was always a couple steps ahead it seemed, following you out of Santo Padre a few hours to a bar where you’d met up with Jax. The conversation with him was easier than you expected, but still he was wary, and how couldn’t he be. You were his baby sister. He’d worry till his last breath. “... and I told Angel a couple of weeks ago. Couldn’t really get out of explaining how I had your rings laying around”. You couldn’t remember much of what that admission to him entailed, besides the look of disbelief he had, and then the screaming, and then eventually the forced calm of his expression when he realized that there was nothing he could do about it. It was still unbelievable to him, you weren’t that little girl anymore, no matter how much he wanted you to be.

You were grown, beyond capable of making your own decisions. But boy did it scare you having to tell Felipe.

“Whenever you want to tell him I’m ready”.

His sureness makes you smile, wide and bright, laying a kiss to his rosy lips. “I love you too Jackson”.

[sword-dad-fukuzawa]

ooooooh svsss is the mxtx story i know the least about; other than ur general "aaaaaah i love it!!!!!" what are ur thoughts? 👀👀👀

BATSHIT HILARIOUS. SURPRISINGLY VERY GOOD. HERE HAB RAMBLE.

I knew the premise of svsss before reading it but not much else? So I had seen, like, fan arts of this big tiddy goth man and a green twink and I was like oh, this seems cool, big tiddy goth man is kind of hot? Perhaps I shall simp??

And then I read the book.

I now know Luo Binghe is a guy who, in the original novel pre-Shen Qingqiu transmigrating, was a hot goth evilman with a harem and murderous tendencies. However, the actual Luo Binghe in the plot is the single most pathetic yandere I have ever seen. The gap moe is hilarious.

Like, here you have a Badass (tm) Demon Warrior. He kills people!! With an evil sword!! BUT ALSO HE SPENDS THE WHOLE BOOK CRYING AT HIS SHIZUN AND IT'S JUST. Mmmm gap moe.

Shen Qingqiu spends the first half of the novel going ?? Why Luo Binghe no chase pretty girls?? Why do I keep getting all the female lead's events with Binghe?? Why Binghe so clingy?? Where Binghe harem??? And spends the second half bemoaning how he's ruined a perfectly good hetero because now Binghe is gay and in love with him and fighting people who he talks to and self-flagellating himself out of yandere crazy person tendencies.

It damn well SHOULD NOT BE AS FUNNY AS IT IS. And!! That's not even mentioning how meta the whole thing is!! Because Shen Qingqiu is a GODDAMN FANDOM ANTI and he talks like one!! He bitches about plot holes, that he's not allowed to be OOC for the first few chapters, about how stupid the romance plot lines are, that the protagonist has plot armor, yada yada yada.

And at one point you get to meet the actual author?? Of the book??? And author and anti have to work together?? Said author spends a lot of time bitching about how his book sucks so bad because he needed to appease his audience and, lemme tell ya, a lot of his complaints were relatable.

At one point he tells Binghe that to woo his shizun he needs to be pathetic and cute because men like pathetic and cute things. Binghe internalizes this and it becomes his personality for the rest of the novel excepting a minor stretch where he goes batshit insane. He is, in universe, pathetic. And it's on purpose.

So like, I can blame the plot of the original in-universe novel on the author, but also the new plot of the in-universe novel on the author, and the plot of svsss itself on the author?? Which is just the sort of mind-bending meta bullshit that happens in svsss and it's glorious. Speedread this thing in a couple days and it was worth the lost sleep.

OH ALSO LUO BINGHE'S DAD IS GREAT. Not to spoil anything major but despite being Hot Powerful Demon Man, he was also Binghe's mom's sugar baby and kind of a prissy princess. Bless Tianlang Jun. I expected this novel to be mostly humor and it was but also there were Unexpected Angst Moments for the Soul and as a whole it is a very good book.

[gofancyninjaworld]

Have you noticed how Genos has a lot in common with a hero from another series, Casshan? He's a boy that chose to permanently change his body for a mechanical one because he saw it as the only way to fight against robots and get revenge. Genos, and all the comlications he faces feels a bit like a critique of that character

I know that the first time I saw Genos show up, I was like 'Casshan'. That said, I have never seen the series in any of its iterations for which I do apologise. That said, I'm familiar enough with Tatsunoko's other creations from that time period to have a pretty decent sense of how they handled his character.

ONE takes all the cool out of being a cyborg just by showing us Genos's day to day life, warts and all. However, the other critique he does is that it simply can't be all angst and desire for vengeance that drives one to become a cyborg: it's an identity that doesn't work without being embraced. That Genos is absolutely comfortable with being a cyborg comes through. There's an audio skit where Saitama tries to tease Genos for having artificial hair, only to have it rebound on him when he realises that Genos likes having hair that doesn't grow but does exactly as he wants. Poor Saitama -- pick better targets.

I'm remembering Scott McCloud's critique of superheroes in his excellent book Understanding Comics in which he points out that it's funny when a superhero is drawn going to the bathroom because it breaks our understanding of them as not quite human. ONE goes all in and gives us a superhero in Saitama, who can make any threat disappear in a punch, but has to fully inhabit the world as the human being he is. And it's not a gimmick to give us something to laugh at. We start out laughing, but it's for real. Like, it's funny when he's freaking out over missing sales... until we come to realise that for real, Saitama struggles to hold down a job and going to sales is how he gets enough to eat a consistently balanced diet.

That's the setting into which ONE brings Genos and as time goes on, we find out that he's not faking it either. He has the same basic human needs that any human being does: food, water, shelter, sleep. He has the same emotional needs any human being does: a sense of purpose, acceptance, accomplishment, attachment, identity, self-interest... and damnit, safety sometimes.

The panel below is one that has always given me a pang. Genos would deny it if you pointed it out, but the sense of feeling accepted enough as being one of us rather than the weird new guy and being comfortable enough to start repairing himself in the presence of Bang and King is a big deal. The fine touch that he'd rather not be naked despite having nothing to hide, ahh...

The more recent chapters where we see his interactions with other heroes and well. We've long known him to be serious, loyal, driven, brave, what have you, but we see that he also has the capacity to be considerate, empathetic and even kind. And when he cares to bring that side of him out as well, the result is actually quite wonderful.

Even in the webcomic where everything has gone sideways, his complicated feelings and actions are well, just human.

I have to admit that the more I've seen about Genos, the less I've worried about how he'll do in the future. He's an intelligent, hard working, conscientious person who is good with his hands who will go far in whatever he sets his mind to. Indeed, when he moves into Saitama's apartment with that giant bag o' parts, the reason he can be a combat cyborg is because he's the sort of person who is hard-working, intelligent, conscientious who is willing to go far to get whatever he sets his mind to in the first place. Furthermore, when he's not obsessing over his pet fixations, he's quite reasonable with people. We may laugh that Genos has never been right about someone approaching Saitama in order to become the latter's disciple. But, he has never been wrong about somebody approaching Saitama with ulterior motives.

If only high-spec parts weren't so soul-crushingly expensive...

I think that's ONE's ultimate critique. No matter how many powers you give them or what you do to their body, a human being is a human being.

[sineala]

Captain America: The Great Gold Steal

I wrote this up last week because I did not have access to my usual comics files but I figured I could review something that was just a book. So here is a review of the 1968 Captain America novel Captain America: The Great Gold Steal by Ted White, with an introduction by Stan Lee. I really liked it, actually! It was surprisingly good!

This novel features: Cover art of Captain America holding his shield in one hand and a very large gun in the other! A scene where the villains dramatically unmask Captain America and have absolutely no idea who he is! Captain America being extremely, extremely depressed about being in the future! Captain America dropping acid!

(I'm not kidding about the last part. In this novel there is a lot of LSD use. By Captain America. Talk about something the Comics Code wouldn't ever let you put in a comic book. Thank you, 1968.)

Faithful readers may remember that some time ago I posted reviews of Marvel prose novels from the 1970s. There was a line of prose novels featuring everyone's favorite Marvel superheroes, published by Pocket Books in the late 70s; I have reviews of the Iron Man, Captain America, and Avengers entries in the series; I liked the Iron Man one best, and I also have a Doctor Strange one I have not yet read. They're all short and action-packed paperback reads, of varying quality; the only one by anyone you might have heard of is the Avengers one, which was written by David Michelinie, who was actually writing the Avengers run at the time. That one was, um. An experience. 

(Yes, it's "prose novel" because otherwise the assumption is "graphic novel.")

Marvel still publishes prose novels now, of course, also of varying quality; some are new plots and some are straight-up novelizations of comics arcs, which I guess is useful if you want to, say, read Civil War and not look at pictures at the same time. I also have a bunch of those that I could probably review if anyone wants. But, anyway, I personally am particularly intrigued by the older Marvel prose novels, both because the stories are all original and not retellings, and also because I often prefer the characterization found in older comics. And the older prose novels of course use the then-current characterization. So reading a Marvel prose novel from 1979 is like getting to read a brand-new comic from 1979, and that's a whole lot of fun for a nerd like me. Also do you know what's not subject to the Comics Code? Prose novels. So things can happen in these that definitely could not happen in comics of the same era.

This brings me to my current prose novel, which is something else entirely. I mean, okay, not really, it's still a Marvel prose novel. But it's not part of the same line. It's actually a lot older.

Bantam Books actually published Marvel prose novels in the late 60s. Yep, a full decade earlier. They published exactly two, so I'm going to go out on a limb here and say that they were probably not bestsellers. The first one, which I do not own and now sort of want to track down, was an Avengers novel in 1967, The Avengers Battle the Earth-Wrecker. And then in 1968 they published the novel I am currently holding in my hands, Captain America: The Great Gold Steal by Ted White.

(I am still not sure why no one involved in titling this book thought of the word "theft.")

Judging by the back copy, it appears to be about Captain America foiling the villains' dastardly plan to steal gold from the Federal Reserve. Oh boy. Fun.

So this book is from 1968. The modern Marvel universe had kicked off just a few short years ago! Captain America was just getting his own solo book after the end of Tales of Suspense! And here's a novel about him, back when certain elements of his characterization were perhaps a little more flexible than they are today, by which I mean that the cover art -- which the internet informs me was painted by Mitchell Hooks -- is a striking full-body portrait of Captain America, head held high, shield in one hand... and a very large gun in the other. Hell, yeah. Not gonna see that in today's Cap comics, are you? It's amazing and I love it.

(Okay, you might see that in Ults. I'm pretty sure I have seen that in Ults, actually. But this is still cool.)

So the cover art is a definite plus, and apparently it's one of the few reasons anyone has ever heard of this novel. The other reason -- and the reason this is more expensive than the later novels, I assume -- is that Stan Lee's name is slapped on the cover, because he wrote an introduction. (I think I paid about $30 for this. The others were definitely under $20.)

All right. Here we go.

The first page is actually a brief summary of Steve's origin story, but not a version I was familiar with. Steve was born July 9, 1917 (yes, I was surprised too), was orphaned at a young age, and was a student at Columbia University (!) before Rebirth, which in this version is a gradual process that is also extremely body-horror. Steel tubing was inserted into the marrows of his bones. He was fed "high-protein compounds." Then they gave him a chemical that "gave him complete control over every nerve, muscle, and cell in his now-magnificent body." Sweet. Where can I get some of that?

The blurb also confirms his control over his own metabolism as well as his healing factor ("wounds would heal in half the normal time"), which is nice, because sometimes I wonder if canon even remembers the healing factor.

(I don't know why Marvel has this kink for filling people's bones with metal, though. It's not actually empty in there, guys! You need your bone marrow! How else do you want people to make new blood cells?)

The book is dedicated to "Jack Kirby and Stan Lee, without whom there would be no Captain America." Hey, Marvel, Joe Simon would like a word with you. I'm just saying.

The Stan Lee introduction is three paragraphs written in Stan Lee's, um, inimitable, distinctive and extremely florid narrative style -- if you've read any of his work, you know what I mean -- and making the point that Captain America is incredible and you will like him. If you are just discovering him for the first time, you will definitely like him. Okay. Thanks. I guess.

Oddly, the writing style here is substantially different than any of the other Marvel prose novels I've read; it doesn't immediately front-load you with exposition and a cast of colorful superheroes. It opens with a sort of James Bond spy-novel feel, running through a series of unnamed villains and bystanders, and a man who wants nothing more than to talk to Captain America but is killed before he can. Steve comes in halfway through the chapter, and he seems to be written for a reader who doesn't necessarily know who he is, and he isn't introduced as Captain America with his shield flying ahead of him to smite evildoers, or anything like that. He's just a tall, handsome blond guy who is reading a bunch of novels and is unsatisfied by all of them because all he can think of is the past. It's definitely an attitude I would expect from Steve in this era -- he is very much a Man Out Of Time here -- but it's also not how I expected the book to introduce him. You wouldn't even know he was Captain America by the end of the opening chapter, which then ends with a digression about the history of NYC subway tunnels. It's like it wants to appeal to someone who has watched a bunch of Man from UNCLE and just wants to read a cool thriller. Which is not at all what I was expecting.

By the beginning of the second chapter, of course, we discover that Steve is Captain America, as he changes into his uniform. The narration refers to him as Rogers when it's in his POV, if anyone is curious. He apparently keeps the cowl off in the mansion, because the cowl annoys him.

It was not so much that he needed to conceal his identity these days, because for all intents and purposes he had no other identity. Steve Rogers was officially dead, and had been for almost twenty years. Captain America *was* his identity. It was only when he donned the tight-fitting blue uniform with its shield chest-emblem, the red snug-fitting leather boots, and the heavy, yet pressure-sensitive red-leather gauntlets, that he began to feel real -- a complete human being.

Steve? Buddy, are you okay there? You're really not okay, are you, huh?

You see what I mean? They're really hitting the early-canon angst. Hard.

(Also it sounds like his uniform is a few sizes too small.)

We then get an expanded version of the backstory from the beginning excerpt. In this version of canon, Steve actually has an older brother, Alan, who is handsome and athletic and basically amazing, and when they are orphaned they are raised by their aunt and uncle. Steve gets TB twice as a kid, nearly dies from it, and when the stock market crashes, ends up separated from his brother and in an orphanage after his uncle loses everything.

(Honestly if I were writing this book, his brother would be the secret villain. Chekhov's Gun!)

Steve has glasses, gets bullied, is a nerd and an honor student, and studies law at Columbia because he wants to help stop fraudulent business practices and also fight organized crime. Legally, I mean. In a manner relating to law. I guess he's sort of like Daredevil. The lawyer part of Daredevil.

And then he joins Rebirth, and this is the part where I had to put the book down for several minutes, because Erskine's secret chemical, the key to making super-soldiers... is LSD.

Oh my God. You should see my face right now. My expression is, I am sure, indescribable. I'm trying not to wake the dog up laughing.

I just. Holy shit. This book is from 1968 in a way I definitely was not expecting. What the fuck, Marvel?

This project was headed by the brilliant biochemist, Dr. Erskine. His work with the endocrine system, and chemical body control, was well beyond that of his contemporaries. Only he, of all his colleagues, had fathomed the secrets of the Swiss Dr. Hoffman's 1938 discovery -- the mind-controlling LSD-25.

Let's just pause here for a few minutes and contemplate this.

I will point out that Albert Hofmann (yes, the book spelled his name wrong) didn't actually discover that LSD was a hallucinogen until 1943 when he accidentally tried it, but I am positive that 1968 here was a time when Some People were convinced LSD was a wonder drug. I'm still laughing. As far as I can tell, legal manufacturing of it stopped in 1965 so I am pretty sure that the author did not just decide to name a drug that had an ostensible legal therapeutic use, because it wouldn't have still had one by '68.

Anyway, in this version of events, Rebirth is a month-long process that involves a lot of vitamins, physical conditioning and training, and, yes, putting metal in his bones like he's the next Wolverine. They're filling his bones with stainless steel rods to make him stronger. That doesn't seem like a great idea to me, but I am also not sure about dropping acid to gain superpowers. Clearly I am not a genius scientist. Also Erskine knows what DNA is, apparently, because he's just that great. Anyway. Other than the metal, those all seem like relatively normal interventions. So far.

Now Steve has become fairly big and strong (and I guess he still has metal in his bones? this concerns me!) but they need to make him superhuman, so, yes, really, it's time to drop acid. Several pages of this book are devoted to describing Steve's acid trip. His acid trip is amazing and he discovers that he has conscious control of his entire body down to the cellular level. He can control the adrenaline in his bloodstream! He can tighten his muscle fibers! And when he's done tripping he still remembers how to do this, if not exactly on a conscious level, but he can still access the abilities. And that is how you make a super-soldier. It's LSD. Remember, kids, drugs are awesome! Do drugs!

Let's maybe take a few more minutes to think about this.

I just. I have no words. How did anyone at Marvel agree to print this?

I think for the most part superhero origin stories tend not to involve real drugs because people are generally aware that drugs they've heard of won't make you into a superhero. I guess this is what it looks like when you invoke the names of real drugs. They probably wanted something that sounded more realistic but somehow I don't think this was the best way to go. (Radiation, of course, will definitely make you into a superhero but I feel like most people have accepted that as one of the conventions of the genre.)

Anyway, after that Erskine gets killed by Nazis, of course, and Steve goes to war, and for some reason this book contains footnotes by Stan Lee himself listing the comics you can read all of this in. Just like the actual comics do!

We are introduced to Bucky, who for some reason is also from the LES in this version, although not anyone Steve knew before the war, and there is of course a description of Bucky's tragic death and Steve's subsequent icing.

They are really, really stressing the Man Out Of Time thing here:

No other man could have survived so fantastic a voyage through time. And no other man could feel so displaced by time.

He was a man twenty years in his own future. By rights, he should be nearly fifty years old -- nearly twice the age of his fellow Avengers. Yet his mind and his body were not yet thirty.

When the Avengers had brought him back to New York with them and insisted that, as an honored hero of the past, he join them, he felt a sort of melancholy homesickness for his own time and world.

We then get a few paragraphs with the usual being sad that he let Bucky down and got him killed, and also that he misses his family, and that Steve Rogers doesn't exist anymore, and that nobody is alive who remembers him, and that war is hell.

Hey, Steve, maybe the drugs you should do are antidepressants. Just a thought.

Also, this book is 118 pages and we're not out of the origin story flashback until page 34. I think there are some pacing issues here.

Actually, I lied, the flashback keeps going, but now we're up to the Avengers finding him, and I have to say that the list of things Steve finds strange about the future is kind of charming when the future is 1968. Men have long hair! Women have shorter skirts! Everyone is kind of blasé about rocket launches because there have been so many space missions now. (Oh, come on, you haven't even landed on the moon yet, 1968! You're not that blasé.) Color TV! And, excitingly, LPs! You can now listen to 36 minutes of consecutive music. (I actually don't know what previous standard he's describing that is a ten-inch record that holds six minutes a side because I don't think 45s are that big. Yeah, no, I just checked and 45s are seven inches in diameter. Hmm. Oh, never mind. He means 78 rpm, doesn't he? In my defense, the record player my family had when I was a kid didn't play those.)

The description of Steve coming into New York for the first time is definitely written by someone who knows New York, which is fun. There is generally a lot of local flavor to the setting of this book. That’s one of the best parts.

There is a brief summary of Steve's feelings about all the Avengers -- he is most impressed by Thor, which, I mean, fair, he's an actual god -- and Hank telling him all about how he can live in Tony's mansion. With Jarvis. Who Hank says is actually from Flatbush. Apparently Steve spent a lot of time at the NYPL branch at 5th and 42nd trying to catch up on history. And then of course the Avengers ditched him and gave him the Kooky Quartet, and for some reason they're not here right now either so it's just Steve being sad and alone and dealing with this mysterious dead guy. I think probably the book is also done explaining fiat currency now. This is definitely the weirdest Marvel novel I've read.

Anyway, we have now returned to what is ostensibly the actual plot. Steve shows up at the New York Federal Reserve Bank (I guess the theft is happening here and not, like, at Fort Knox) with the gold bullion that the dead guy from the beginning of the book had on him -- I think I got distracted by the LSD bit and forgot to mention that part, but the dead guy was carrying some US government gold -- because the actual plot is that villains are trying to tunnel into the bank vault and steal gold. Steve discovers this after he gets the bank manager to give him a tour. The bank manager tries to refuse, citing security concerns -- Captain America could be anyone under that mask, after all! Steve just smiles and says, "If I removed my mask, would you have any better idea of who I am?" and I guess that's a flawless argument because he gets his tour.

(I'm sorry, all I can think of is that one gif from the JLA cartoon where Lex Luthor bodyswaps with the Flash, announces that now that he's in the Flash's body he's going to discover the Flash's secret identity, then pulls off his own mask, stares at himself in the mirror, and says, "I have no idea who this is.")

Given that the theme of Steve's interior life in this novel is "Steve Rogers died twenty years ago" it seems even more sad that Steve is just walking around basically saying, yeah, well, I'm nobody. And apparently that is being reaffirmed for him by the narrative.

So Steve goes down the tunnels, takes out some of the bad guys, and gets himself knocked out and buried in a collapsing tunnel. Don't worry, he's gonna be fine.

A lot of this book, by the way, is from the POV of random people, like this bank guard who went with Steve into the tunnels:

He had wondered, briefly, if a man like Captain America ever knew the pinch of too many bills, had ever felt desperate over the arrival of yet another mouth to feed. But, of course, Captain America had no family, and would hardly concern himself with such matters. It didn't occur to Thompson to wonder if this in itself might not be something for which to pity Captain America.

Rude. I mean, come on, do we really need random characters telling us Steve is a sad sack whom nobody loves? Steve's already got that covered!  (Also, how does this guy know Captain America has no family?)

Anyway, thanks to the power of LSD, Steve is going into a trance, amping up his metabolism (he loses "several pounds" in a few minutes), and making himself super-strong so he can dig himself out. Hooray. This is definitely how human bodies work. Also LSD. This is definitely how LSD works. Yes.

Steve then finds out that a couple of the guards who were with him in the tunnels died down there and he goes home and eats dinner while stewing in miserable guilt because he was responsible for their deaths. He's really not okay. I'm not sure the book actually understands how not okay they have made him. Then someone from SHIELD is on the phone for him and he is briefly cheered up by the thought that it might be Sharon although I think we should also note that the narrative makes it clear that at this point in canon Steve still doesn't know her name. Remember when that was a thing?

Alas, it is not Sharon; it's just a random SHIELD agent who happens to have information about the plot and asks to meet. Then, as Steve leaves to go to the meeting, we get two pages of exhaustive description about the mansion layout and how it's built relative to the surrounding buildings. It feels like this book was written by a frustrated city planner. But anyway, the meeting is a setup and the villains capture Steve.

They knock Steve out, drug him, take him to their hideout, and tie him to a chair. Except, once again thanks to the power of LSD, the tranquilizer they're using wears off way sooner than they expected and so Steve feigns unconsciousness and listens to them discuss their evil plans.

And then the villains unmask him and I swear it's exactly like that JLA gif:

Rogers heard footsteps scuffing across a thick carpet, and then Sparrow's voice again, almost directly over him. His ears still buzzed, but he fought to catch the elusive familiarity of the man's tone. He wished he dared open his eyes.

"This is a moment which I, personally, have long awaited," Sparrow said, his voice rising in triumph. "*The unmasking of Captain America!*"

Then, his nails scraping along Rogers' face, Sparrow dug his fingers under his cowl, and ripped it back. Rogers felt air strike his exposed cheeks and forehead. Then fingers clutched his blond hair and pulled his head back. "Behold!" Sparrow said.

Raven was first to speak. "Well, I dunno about you, Sparrow, but it rings no bells with me. I never seen him before."

Starling agreed. "His face means nothing to me."

"He could be anybody," said Robin. "What good does this do?"

Sparrow let Rogers' head fall back to his chest, and his voice when he spoke was defeated. "I don't know. Nothing, I guess. I always wondered. I felt, if these guys -- these costumed heroes -- wore masks, it must mean something."

"Captain America was missing for twenty years," Starling said. "That could mean the first one died, and this one took his place. He looks awfully young."

"Perhaps. It doesn't really matter. Let's get going."

(Yes, the villains all have bird-themed codenames. I have no idea why.)

This scene just makes my day. I love dramatic unmaskings. I bet they'd have been a lot happier unmasking Iron Man.

The villains then leave Steve and go to a power plant, where we switch POVs to one of the plant employees and get two entirely unnecessary paragraphs about his racist and anti-Semitic thoughts about his coworkers before the villains murder him. Great. Thanks.

Anyway, the villains cause a blackout, while meanwhile they've left Steve alone with the girl villain, and Steve is busy trying to persuade her that crime doesn't pay. He's moved from the "do you know what they'll do to you in prison?" theme onto "how exactly are you going to spend a billion dollars in gold bullion when it's illegal for civilians to possess? who are you going to do business with?" and then points out that gold is heavy and hard to transport, which is when she gets out a a knife.

The bad guys are off to steal the gold, and Steve has now successfully turned the girl they left him with, because she frees him. Of course, the first thing he does is put the cowl back on.

"Why do you wear that?" she asked.

"The mask?" He smiled. "It gives people something external to concentrate upon."

"But..."

"Without it, I'm just another ordinary-looking man. With it, I become a symbol. For some people it creates awe; for others, fear. Look at me. I'm different now, aren't I? With the mask on."

"Yes," she nodded. "You look -- bigger, somehow. Stronger. Fierce, implacable. You look a little scary."

"Exactly. You no longer see me as a person, but as a thing -- an Avenger. It can be a potent psychological weapon."

"They were so disappointed, when they took your mask off. As though underneath they'd find a famous person."

"Maybe that goes on TV -- handsome playboys, and all that. But I've been anonymous all my life. Even my real name would be meaningless to you, to them. No, the mask is part of the uniform, a psychological device. That's the whole story.

Now: let's get out of here. You have a good deal more to tell me yet, and we can't waste more time."

Bwahaha. In a few years, Steve's going to be pretty surprised about who superheroes are, I think.

STEVE, now: Superheroes definitely aren't secretly handsome playboys! That would be silly! STEVE, after Molecule Man: fuck fuck fuck FUCK FUCK I'm such an idiot

I'm definitely looking forward to that.

Also, not that the issue of Steve's psyche actually recurs after this, but he's once again having the narrative vindicate his belief that Steve Rogers is dead and whoever he is under the cowl doesn't matter. Steve, I don't think this is very healthy.

Steve then tracks down the villains stealing the gold, has some geopolitical thoughts about where the gold could be going (he thinks either South Africa or Russia for the best laundering potential) and then hides himself in the villains' trunk while they drive to Staten Island, which is where they're taking the gold out of the country from.

During the final confrontation, Steve finally gets to see the villains, and he discovers that the one in charge is in fact the director of the Federal Reserve Bank who Steve met at the beginning of this book. Gasp. But that's not all! He's also... the Red Skull!

Honestly, I was kind of surprised; I didn't think this was the kind of book where we'd get any known comic villains, but I guess it's always gotta be the Red Skull. I think he's the only one of Steve's big villains who likes to disguise himself; Zemo has obvious disguise issues and I imagine it's also hard to cover up Zola's Teletubby-esque television body.

Steve shoots one of the villains, because I guess that's what he does in this era of canon.

So the plot wraps up in, like, two pages, because for some reason all these early Marvel novels wrap up very fast. Red Skull, of course, attempts to escape and then disappears and his body is never found. The end.

Well.

That was definitely a book. That I read. Believe it or not, I actually think it was the best of these early Marvel prose novels that I've read so far, even if it was also the absolute weirdest; I thought the thriller-style plot was entertaining, I liked Steve and his Extremely Sad characterization, I obviously enjoy all the identity themes, I liked how very detailed the New York setting was, and I do like how they tried to treat it all seriously. I mean, sure, this did lead to LSD in the super-soldier serum in presumably the name of realism, but I felt like the book was trying to present superheroes in a way that didn't feel silly and also didn't really take for granted that the reader would automatically accept superheroes.

It felt like a book that was written hoping that people who weren't superhero fans would read it, if that makes any sense. And I thought that was interesting, because most modern superhero work that I can think of assumes they've got complete audience buy-in and everyone is willing to suspend their disbelief and we all know the genre conventions and are expecting people running around in brightly-colored spandex. Whereas this is more like a James Bond novel if for some reason James Bond were called upon to defend his decision to wear brightly-colored spandex instead of bespoke suits. But I assume no one read it, because Bantam never published a Marvel book after this one.

If you can actually find a copy of this one for a price you're willing to pay. I recommend it. It was delightful and way more solid than I thought it was going to be.

Also, come on, you know you want to read about Captain America's acid trip.

[beautifulterriblequeen]

B2:S - Chapter 5

Much of this series will be about the differences and additions in the novel version, and how they contribute to my understanding of story canon. But there will be character appreciation, the odd theory and headcanon, and suchlike as well.

Here be lots of Viren deets, Best Boy Soren deets, some writing/continuity stuff, worldbuilding appreciation and half of a theory, Detective Rayla, Moon Temple geeking, Claudium and dark magic, and more!

Spoilers for Book Two: Sky below.

(I know for darn sure that I wrote up a post for chapter 4, but I can't find it anywhere so I guess Tumblr ate it and I'll have to redo it at some point, but today is not that day)

Viren, my evil dude, my bad guy, coming in clutch with the worldbuilding and backstory again! If you want to know decades of information, you gotta talk to Viren. Or read his scenes, at least. Here, he seems to not sleep much when he has a big problem to analyze his way through. Solutions trump pretty much everything else in this guy's life, and he's had a really hard week with a lot of new and complicated problems. Of course he's getting sleep-deprived trying to find his way through them all.

Harrow put so much trust in Viren when he made him High Mage! He just threw himself extra hard at that Lady Justice blindfold, didn't he? Didn't really want to see what Viren was doing in his magic study, so he left Viren to his devices. And Viren has a lot of devices.

Also, this is fascinating: Viren made the secret passage to his "less official study" in Katolis Castle! And he was inspired to do so by the way his own mentor kept the Puzzle House. What else could a Puzzle House be, except a place with secret passages? Yay! secret headcanon that "the Puzzle House" is just "Katolis Castle" from Kid Viren's perspective tho

So either Viren built all of those passageways, or at least the ones to his dungeon. Which means he has to have, or know where to get, a stash of those glowing blue Moonshadow crystals. Hmmm.

I can't wait to learn more about Kpp'Ar and young Viren, btw. From this description of Viren and all his literal secret ways, it feels like another parallel between Viren and Runaan, with the whole "secretive paths, members only, insider knowledge" type stuff. Only the really cool members of this cult club get to know the secrets, and guess what, kid, you're cool now but you can never tell anyone, okay? Our secret.

Yeahhh, that'll never backfire in any way for either of them.

Kpp'Ar calling puzzles and secrets "man-made magic," though. Yes sir, knowledge is indeed power.

This chapter mentions Runaan by name, from Viren's perspective. Generally that would imply that Viren knows his name, even though assassins do not share their names, and Runaan didn't seem to give his to Viren in the first book. However, there was a scene in book one where the last paragraph switched perspective from Viren to Runaan - a technique that's very common in visual media like movies and shows and gives you that "ohoho they left the room and didn't notice this, but you do!" vibe. Using Runaan's name there in book one, where Viren couldn't see it but readers could, helps them keep track of the assassin's story arc while maintaining Viren's racism.

So in book two, in which Runaan has no onscreen scenes (alas), using his name in a scene that calls back to the events in book one helps us remember what happened in that dungeon cell. It would be a bit muddier to recall the specifics if Viren kept thinking about Runaan as "Elf." So I'm cool with the perspective nudge because it serves a narrative purpose: clarity. But I'm also enjoying the angst of considering that, somehow, Viren learned Runaan's name either during or after the coining spell. Mwa ha ha haaa. (Obligatory "Keep my pretty name outta your mouth" goes here)

Okay, back to Viren's scheming! He took the mirror because it was human-sized in a dragon lair. He knew it didn't really fit there, and that made it interesting, so he stole it. But he realized it was really powerful when Runaan wouldn't tell him squat about it - the assassin's instinct to protect Xadian secrets from human hands meant that Viren was holding a very powerful Xadian secret. And that just made him want it all the more. Ah, Runaan, if only your relationship with lying was, like, the exact opposite of what it is. Nyx could've spun Viren a believable tale in 2 minutes flat.

Also of interest: Viren considers his cursed coins to be a final fate. He expects Runaan to remain in his coin forever. With the Chekhov's coins still extant in the storyline, we can assume that they'll come up again eventually, but Viren has no current plans to do anything with his elf money except carry it around.

It's worth noting that Viren admits that he got impatient when he trapped Runaan in the coin. Runaan's first fate in Katolis was supposed to be death at Soren's hands, but Claudia "saved" him from that. His next fate was to become spell components, but Viren's frustration with his stubbornness "saved" him from that fate, too. So now he's in a coin, where no one can chop him up at all. Yay? No, boo!

We get one last line about Runaan before Viren shifts gears: he makes a point of noting for us that Runaan's shackles are still locked shut. However much of Runaan made it into that coin - body, soul, hair care products - he was magicked there, pulled right out of his restraints.

The creepy black liquid that Viren pours right into his eyes is the last of a powerful potion he got from Kpp'Ar, and its recipe is ancient! Humans used it back in the age of Elarion to see through the illusions of the world. And we get a delightfully creepy bit of description about the preparation of this serum, which makes it abundantly clear that it's a Moon magic-based concoction, harvested from eyeless vipers on a moonless night, with the threat of irrevocable madness ("madness" by whose definition, though) if it's done wrong-

Hang on. Hold up. This is a Plato's Cave reference. OH MY GOD.

No no I'm fine, this is brilliant. Sorry, sorry, I couldn't figure why there was so much description for a potion prep that Viren didn't even have to perform himself. But now I get it. I see the light. HA. I should make a separate post for this, it's amazing.

Anyway, for reference, the humans who used this serum were called the Oracles of Ophidia, and Ophidia is a taxonomy group that includes all modern snakes. Can you say "creepy ancient snake rites"? I can! Woo!

Viren activates the serum with a spell, but apparently he's never done it before. He's not sure if it's supposed to be hot and bubbly, and he worries that it's been tainted by moonlight.

Oh, I do hope so.

The magic potion hurts, a lot. Viren will do just about anything, to himself or anyone, to do what he believes is necessary. He just risked madness and blindness to find out what this mirror does! Viren. Can you just. Take a nap or something. Have a Snickers.

This chapter gives us a fun clue that I don't remember from the show: when Viren's vision clears and he can see, his reflection has white pupils and the room reflected in the mirror has inverted colors. You know where else has inverted colors?

You know who else got white pupils for a hot second?

Okay, now it makes sense! Viren and Lujanne were both seeing into the realm beyond life and death. Him with his moon magic potion, and her with her moon powers on a full moon night at the Moon Nexus. Which is Very Interesting! Is it a direct hint about Aaravos's location, or just a separate cool detail? Orrr, does it look like a direct hint because Aaravos is actually trapped in the world beyond life and death, but it's actually separate and we'll see something about white pupils again later on?

Viren really does have self-esteem issues, we all picked up on it with his rant at his reflection. He throws a fit when he catches himself wondering if he's actually worthless. In the book version of his tantrum, he shoves the mirror and hurls a candelabra instead of flipping a table. He didn't need to shove the mirror to set the fire, but it's in here. Foreshadowing that perhaps, if push comes to shove, Viren will choose himself over Aaravos? Giving Aaravos time to peek through and see that the coast is clear?

Soren, my boyyyyy. He has a rough night at the Moon Nexus because two sides of him are fighting with each other. He struggles to understand Callum's friendship with Rayla, and he also fantasizes about chopping off Rayla's head. One of these is a pretty ordinary thing to do. The other is Soren's internalization of what he needs to do to gain his father's approval. If he brought his dad a chopped off elf head every week, he'd probably feel a lot more confident because Viren would praise him a lot more.

Okay, okay, omg, is it just me, or does the "Moonshadow Madness" story, as it's told in the book, seem like Soren just doesn't know what a monsterfucker is? He thinks an elf bite puts humans under a spell. But vampires are sexy, and some people want them to do more to them than just bite them. A passionate kiss under the moonlight could look very bitey, especially if one of the participants has horns and you're already culturally trained to hate them. No yeah, I'm already headcanoning an actual human-elf kiss that got misunderstood by an observer long ago.

it's Lujanne isn't it, we all know, because what is a love spell but a sweet soft illusion, I mean how else does she get supplies for her Caldera, I ask you, and also Corvus was totally sent to investigate once and he told Soren at camp what he saw

And then back to magefam angst: Soren pretending that his sister's nose-tapping is stupid, even though he actually thinks it's cool, just because their dad thinks it's stupid. Viren, istg. Let your kids like harmless things. It's so cute that Soren taps his nose back at her, though! Like they have their own sibling code. I hope we get to see the nose tap again, especially now that they've chosen different sides. It could mean so much, that they're not too far apart yet.

Rayla knows what buttery pancakes smell like. I love this. Do Moonshadow elves have butter and pancakes, does Rayla eat a stack of eight giant pancakes in the morning? Orrrr it is just illusion food? I don't care, let Rayla have pancakes! Everyone loves pancakes. Pancakes will save the world. this message brought to you by the fact that I can't eat pancakes rn, send help

I love that Rayla is both sus of the pancakes and hungry, and that combines into a very motivated "I will get to the bottom of this" attitude. She kind of goes into Poirot Mode when she inserts herself into Soren and Ellis's conversation about Ava, explaining about the wolf's illusion leg and segueing into her claim that the pancakes taste sus. Claudia confirms she used dark magic, and Rayla is furious. It's different than the show's version in that it puts Rayla in detective mode, as the only Moonshadow elf in the scene, and boy does she take that role seriously. Also, she doesn't actually swallow the dark magic pancake bite. It ends up on the ground just like Lujanne's grubs from that earlier meal. These poor kids are so nutrient-starved. You guys gotta eat!!

Rayla's determination and prejudices and the fact that she super knows Harrow is dead all dovetail to make her try repeatedly to persuade Callum that Soren and Claudia are Not To Be Trusted. It's nice that the book keeps taking the time to point out that Rayla is Well Intentioned But Flawed, just like Callum and pretty much every other character in the show. No one is Right All The Time, no one Knows More Than Everyone Else.

Callum loving the sound of Claudia's unique voice is so wholesome. When you like someone, it only makes sense that you like all the things about them that they can't change - like the sound of Claudia's voice. Her choices with dark magic, not so much!

Claudia seems to have the same concerns Soren does about Callum's relationship with Rayla, but she comes out and asks him. The inherent possession implied in "your elf" is interesting, though. Elves are not people to Claudia. They're enemies who can be disassembled for the magic inside them. So maybe more like robots than living beings, if she knew what a robot was. Maybe she heard Soren's "Moonshadow Madness" story and realized he totally missed the kissing implications - but she didn't, and now she's genuinely worried that Rayla could kiss Callum under a full moon and enchant him to do her will. Good thing it's only a half moon, then!

Okay, Callum nervously making a puppet hand and then not knowing what to do with his hands and freaking out about itching and moving and pointy elbows is such a ND mood. The sudden stress of knowing that someone else is noticing your existence and maybe you're Not Existing Right, amirite? Ugh, poor Callum.

The Moon Temple! Omg it's so pretty in the description! Made to be beautiful and useful, full of knowledge but also allowing light and life inside (butterflies and vines). Lujanne, when can I move in, please? Also, it's all the more angsty because Lujanne is the only one who gets to see this beautiful place, but it has lots of chairs and shelves and tables, and it was meant to be used by lots of people. :(((

Claudia knows some of the runes on the walls. She isn't in a hurry to copy the rest of them down or anything, either. Her spellwriting is very precise, and she's a skilled mage. Her father would have made sure she was aware of the dangers of drawing sloppy runes, as much as he made her aware of the dangers of doing dark magic wrong. And the whole point of dark magic is that it's easier to learn than primal magic. Claudia supports her dad and their shared knowledge and life path. She's not gonna go nuts over an elf library she can't translate.

Side note: Between Claudia knowing some Moon runes and Viren building a secret passageway and a dungeon and lighting it with the same blue crystals that Lujanne and Ethari use for light--and Claudia exclaiming that she loves ruins--I wonder once more if there are really Moonshadow ruins somewhere in Katolis, which Viren has found and looted. Father-daughter relic hunting trip, maybe while Soren is away at camp? Omgsh that would be so wild!

Callum out here having a Viren moment with his "I feel powerless unless I've got magic that lets me help" vibes. God. I love their complicated mirroring. One of the hard differences between them is that Callum is very sure dark magic is bad because you have to kill stuff and take its power to cast spells, and he doesn't want to be a person who kills and takes like that. The line he walks to be nice to Claudia on their tour of the Cursed Caldera because he likes her, while telling her that he doesn't want to do her magic, like, ever, is so fine that it might as well be a shifting shadow on the ground. It's a very fitting conversation to be having during the half moon, with its tricks and little white lies.

Callum being out of the castle and his comfort zone, having to deal with the fact that the Claudia he loves is not quite the Claudia who's chasing him down across the kingdom, but of the two of them, he's the only one with a problem with this.

They say that if you really want to get to know someone, you should spend time with them outside their comfort zone - in heavy traffic, with a small baby, taking care of a new pet, trying a new skill, following unfamiliar directions, etc. While the castle is familiar territory for them both, Callum's never really found his comfort zone yet, while Claudia is pretty comfortable with her growing skill set. The creepy part starts to kick in when Callum begins to realize that Claudia's comfort zone encompasses a whole bunch of stuff that seems like it should make her uncomfortable... but it doesn't. But that'll be for a future chapter!

[yeongwvnhi]

》Troublemaker《

Superpowers AU, College AU, Poly AU

Taglist (send an ask if you want to be added): @twancingyunhoe @biaswreckingfics @donghanies @moonshineboyz @soleilsuhh @trashlord-007

Genre: crack, fluff, angst, suspension, suggestive

Rating: 16+

General Warnings: rituals, lots of fighting, language, injuries, weapons, detailed descriptions of fights and injuries, some mature themes, lots of kissing and teasing

Chapter Specific Warnings: teacher and headmaster being overly rude, cussing

Pairing: The Boyz x fem reader

Synopsis: in a world where superpowers are nothing special and everyone is gifted with some kind of special ability, you and your friends quickly grow tired of it and all the rules. So when one of your friends brings up a certain ritual, with which you can travel into another universe, it sounds like heaven, but you quickly realize it's harder to adapt than you'd like.

Word count: 2.7k

》Next《   》Masterlist《

It's fairly early when you leave your home for college, around 7am something. The air around you is still fairly crisp and cool, but you're not bothered. Others would be shaking if they went outside in just skinny jeans and a simple sweater when it's 0°C outside. 

But you? You're not bothered in the slightest as you calmly walk down the street and towards the giant building. 

It's metallic cover reflects the sunlight, slightly blinding you in the process. It makes you squint and avert your eyes. 

"Y/N!" 

Your head turns in the direction of the call and you see your best friend jogging towards you with a bright grin. "Oh, hey." 

"Good morning!" He beams, way too enthusiastic for your liking at this hour. 

A demonstrative yawn escapes you as you lazily wave at him. "Morn'..." You mumble and wipe the tears out of your eyes which gathered due to your yawn. 

"Aren't you gonna give your bestie a hug?" He pouts and his dimples make an appearance. "I'm disappointed." 

A chuckle escapes you before you turn towards him completely and give him his desired display of affection. 

A happy sigh escapes him as he tightly slings his arms around you. "I'm never letting you go, it's too cold!" He whines when you move to break the hug. 

"Wear warmer clothes then, you buffoon." You mumble, struggling to push him away and ultimately just giving up. 

"Nahh, why would I do that when I have my personal heater right under my nose?" He teases. 

"Shut up and let me go, we have classes soon." You whine and push at his chest again. 

He relents with a high pitched laugh as he watches you stumble back, his arms letting go easier than expected and making you lose your balance for a few seconds. 

"You fucker" You hiss while taking big, fast steps towards your destination. 

"My baby! Don't be mad!" Your friend whines while jogging to match your pace. 

"It's not even 8 yet and the two of you are already having a quarrel." A new voice joins the two of you. 

Startled by the sudden intervention, you whip your head to pinpoint the source and find another guy of your friend group. 

"Sangyeon? Where did you come from?" You ask, eyes moving up to meet his.

"You must have forgotten that I always meet you at this section in the road, tsk." The older one answers and shakes his head. 

"Sorryyyy" You say with a chuckle, "but Changmin here decided to be an ass first thing in the morning! It's his fault" 

"HUH??" The culprit screeches in surprise, "Excuse me??" 

"Be quiet you two, I don't need a headache right before classes." 

"Sorryy" Changmin and you chime in unison, "dad." the former adds and snickers, earning himself a glare from Sangyeon. 

The three of you continue on the rest of the way in silence and you couldn't be more grateful. Your mind is not yet in the right place for any intellectual conversation. 

The enormous college building towers in front of you all as you reach the campus. 

"Ohh look, the others are already here!" Changmin happily points out, proceeding to skip towards said friend group. 

Sangyeon and you exchange an amused glance before also walking towards them. 

"Morning everyone." You wave at the guys and they all greet you back. 

"Y/N my love!" Your other best friend exclaims and jumps to hug you, "I'm so glad you're finally here! Please warm me up, I'm freezing!" 

The other guys laugh at their youngest friend's antics, you included. Nonetheless you proceed to hug him around his middle and make use of your powers. Your skin immediately heats up to a nice and cozy temperature and the guy hums in relief. 

"You're such a baby." You chuckle and pat his broad back affectionately.

"Classes start in about 10 minutes, we can go inside now." 

"Oh, look who decided to show up." Sangyeon teases. 

"What? Why would I show up half an hour before classes?" Said newcomer replies. "I can take all the time I need, unlike you guys~" 

"Stop being arrogant, Hyun." The oldest playfully scolds. 

"Now now, don't fight." Jacob intervenes, voice clearly expressing his worry. 

"Hold on, what class do we have now?" You suddenly realize and look up to meet Sunwoo's eyes. 

"Uhh I'm pretty sure it's chem." He replies, now looking at Younghoon for confirmation. 

"Yeah" he nods. "We should go, it's all the way on the top floor of the building." 

Sunwoo and you groan in unison, totally not thrilled on having to walk up 10 flights of stairs. 

"I actually also have chemistry, but in another course." Jaehyun says, "It's on the same floor though." 

The three of you guys look at your friend with hope. 

"Urgh, fiiine." He groans, already knowing exactly what you were all going to ask of him. 

"Yay!" You beam happily and peel yourself away from Youngjae. "Sorry hun but you gotta get inside quickly to stay warm I guess." 

He grumbles something inaudible and you immediately attach yourself to Jaehyun's arm instead and give him a smile. "You're the best, Hyunnie!" 

He can't help the amused smile to crawl onto his lips. "I know." 

You hear Sunwoo make a gagging sound, prompting you to laugh. "Let's go now." 

"Sure, sure." Jaehyun hums and within a second the four of you are up on the top floor. 

"Thank you~" You happily chime and stand on your tiptoes to press a quick kiss to the man's cheek. Then you turn around, link arms with Sunwoo and Younghoon and drag them into your chemistry classroom with a content smile on your face. 

Both men exchange a glance at that interaction and internally behead Jaehyun for having his useful ability. 

When Sunwoo turns his head to look at the older guy, Jaehyun shows him a priggish smirk and waves before disappearing. 

"He really-" 

"Good morning you three!" Your teacher greets and Sunwoo immediately stiffens, startled by the voice. "Class starts in 5 minutes, find your seats!" 

"Yes ma'am!" The three of you reply and give a quick bow before scurrying to your seats. 

"Miss Im is so scary…" Younghoon shudders and you nod. 

—

Your teacher had given the class an experiment to work on in groups of three. Funnily enough, a student had broken one of the school's bunsen burners, so now your group was without one. 

"Great, just great" Miss Im angrily says under her breath. 

"Miss" You say and raise your hand. She looks at you and nods. "I can use my power instead for fire-" 

"Under no circumstance will you do that!" She immediately shoots down your idea and raises her voice. "What if you set fire to something in here? You could hurt us!" 

You don't know what to say, feeling at a loss for words at her sudden outburst. Sunwoo and Younghoon notice your shaking hands and glare at the teacher. 

"Did you really have to lash out at her like that? She just suggested it!" Sunwoo angrily replies and stands up from his chair, smacking the table. "We all here have been living with our powers ever since we were 5! We have them under control! Y/N would never hurt someone on purpose!" 

Younghoon had hugged you close to calm your anxiety down while everyone just watched and listened to Sunwoo's outburst. 

Then it was quiet for a moment, Miss Im too stunned to say anything back and the rest of the class only agreed with him. 

Sunwoo was quite literally charged, you could see little lightning bolts dancing all over him. 

"Sunwoo…" You quietly say and he looks at you. "It's okay." 

He takes a deep breath and shoots the teacher another sharp glare. 

She clicks her tongue angrily and just ignores this incident, instead opting to not grade your group on this one. 

—

After class ends the three of you quickly make your way downstairs and onto the campus to meet the others. Sunwoo was stubbornly clinging onto your arm with an annoyed pout on his face. 

"Hey Sunwoo." you speak up and nudge him so he looks at you. "Thank you for interfering." 

He gives you a tight-lipped smile and says "No big deal."

"Thank you too Hoonie." you turn to the older guy and give him an affectionate smile which he returns shyly. 

"Oh look, the troublemakers are coming." Someone teases when the three of you proceed on your way towards your friend group. 

You turn to glare at the person, your red eyes flaring dangerously and they immediately look away, visibly flustered. 

"Hey hey, we already heard you guys got in trouble." Jacob says first when you are within hearing range. "What happened? Are you okay?" 

"Don't worry, we're fine." You answer and wave him off, but the way he eyes Sunwoo tells you that's not what he wanted to hear. 

"Miss Im went off on Y/N after she offered to use her powers for the experiment because a burner was missing." Younghoon explains and you feel Sunwoo tighten his group on your arm even further. "A- Sunwoo what's gotten into you?" You exclaim to him and prod at his arm to give you some room. 

"I'm sorry Noona, I'm just still mad at Miss Im." He mumbles and hides his face on your shoulder. 

"Stop being a baby." Juyeon speaks up and pries the younger one from you… well he tries. "Argh, let go already! Chanhee, come help me out!" 

"Wha- Hyung what am I supposed to do??" The younger one replies incredulously. 

"Just help me get this walking taser off of Y/N!" 

You snort at that exclamation and Sunwoo gives Juyeon a pointed look. "Did you really just call me a walking taser?!" 

"So what if I did?" 

"Unbelievable." Chanhee shakes his head, but an amused smile plays at his lips nonetheless. 

Your eyes basically scream 'help me!!' As you look at Youngjae, the youngest out of you all gives you a laugh before nodding. And suddenly Sunwoo's grip on you loosens and you quickly peel yourself away and hide behind the culprit. "Thanks Jae." you snicker against his arm as you peek out to look at a confused Sunwoo. 

"Yah!" He literally screams, making all of you flinch besides Changmin. "Youngjae I swear-" 

"Enough now, kids!" Sangyeon finally steps in and silences Sunwoo quickly. He pouts and crosses his arms in front of his chest. 

You move from behind Youngjae to stand to his left, now in between him and Changmin. 

"Ohh guys!" The latter suddenly speaks up with sparkly eyes and everyone looks at him. "How about we have a sleepover at my house this weekend? We're free next week so we can have some fun together!" 

Everyone quickly makes eye contact with the others. "Sure!" Haknyeon nods and adjusts his choker. "I'm itching to take this thing off, it's really weird to be as close to normal as it can get here." 

You all laugh at that, remembering how he has to wear it due to his powers. His hyperawareness is a very useful power, but also hard to live with, since he gets easily overwhelmed in crowded places. He had someone in his family create that ability dimmer for him so he could live without being constantly overwhelmed. 

"You over there!" 

All of you turn to see who called, finding it to be your headmaster. "Kim Sunwoo and L/N Y/N, come over here." 

You give Youngjae a panicked look and he shoots you one right back. That can't be good. 

The two of you slowly walk towards the man, stopping about a meter in front of him. "Do you know why I came to speak with you?" 

"No, sir." You shake your head, not daring to look into his eyes. Out of the corner of your eyes you see Sunwoo trembling slightly. 

"Well, I came here because Miss Im told me about what happened during her chemistry lesson. Shall I remind you, Miss L/N, that it is strictly prohibited to use your powers on campus grounds, unless they're unable to be deactivated?" 

"N-No, I know that, sir." You reply quietly. "But we were missing a burner, so I thought-" 

"You thought what? That it would be a good idea to use your powers instead and to risk hurting your classmates? Hm?" 

"I'm so-sorry. It won't happen again, sir" 

"And now on to you, Mister Kim." The headmaster turns to Sunwoo instead and you try to calm your racing heart and keep your anxious tears at bay. "You're really cocky for a 2nd year, just raising your voice at a teacher like that AND using your powers in a classroom." 

"Miss Im has started it." Sunwoo replies through gritted teeth, "She could've calmly explained it, but instead she decided to humiliate Y/N Noona in front of the whole class! Was I just supposed to watch?!" 

"Sunwoo-" You hiss, scared for him. 

"Excuse me?" 

"You heard me right, sir." 

"Don't make me call your parents." The much older man threatens. 

"Oh, go ahead then." Sunwoo replies, "I don't care." 

"Sunwoo!" You say with big eyes. "Stop it!" 

"You should listen to your little friend, Mister Kim." The headmaster sneers, "I'll let you off the hook since you never did anything before. You better behave." he clicks his tongue and leaves. 

You grab Sunwoo by the collar and pull him to match your height. "Are you out of your mind?!" 

"Hey hey…" Jacob quickly makes an appearance and gently touches your shoulders with nothing but worry all over his face. "Please calm down Y/N." 

"You idiot, he could have expelled you or something! Don't do stuff like that!" You practically beg him with teary eyes. 

The younger one's eyes soften. "I'm sorry Noona, I won't do it again, but please don't cry." 

Jacob takes a step back and just watches, mostly relieved that you weren't angry and that he wouldn't have to break up a fight. 

"Give me a hug you idiot…" You grumble and wipe your eyes. Sunwoo gives a panicked wheeze, locking eyes with Changmin and Youngjae. They both just wave him off. 

"Okay okay, don't cry." He says and gives in, pulling you close and patting your back. 

The others watch from a bit away, soft smiles on their faces, almost forgetting why you two are in that situation in the first place. 

But then the bell rang, snapping you all out of your thoughts. 

Changmin drags you by your wrist, Chanhee on your other side as they lead the way to your next class. 

"Are you feeling better now, Y/N?" Chanhee softly asks from your left side and you turn to look at him. 

"I feel okay now, thank you for worrying." You reply and flash the taller man a quick smile. 

Changmin intertwined his fingers with yours. It's nothing new, the two of you used to do that ever since you became friends. 

"Chanhee Hyung, where is the literature classroom again?" 

The oldest of you three thinks for a moment and looks at the numbers next to the doors. "It's room 371." 

"Ahh thank you~" Changmin happily replies and you guys make your way into the room. 

—

Chanhee stretches his long limbs after the bell chimed, indicating the end of the class. "Today's lesson was pretty intense, don't you guys think?" 

"Yeah, there was a lot." Changmin frowns a little. "Y/N how were you holding up?" 

Your head shoots up in surprise, caught off guard while packing your stuff. "Uh- It was alright. I understood most of it actually." 

Both men give you weird looks. "You never understand stuff in literature, what happened?" Changmin says with furrowed brows. 

"I think it's because she actually paid attention this time." Chanhee adds with a chuckle, "She looked so concentrated, it was cute." 

You feel your body heating up and avert your eyes. "Whatever, let's go." 

The two men exchange amused glances but don't speak on it any further, opting to just follow you out of the building. 

You didn't expect to run into this particular person when you exited through the large glass doors. 

After all, he got expelled for using his powers on campus and a few other things. 

"Hyunjun?" 

[toms-littlegirl]

hey! can i get an angsty tom holland one? where they are both famous actors and they got in a fight before a red carpet event and they have to act like they are fine until one can't stand it anymore and decides to leave? ends with a fluff 😊 thank you! ❤️

A/n: I wrote this whole thing in one go, didn't proofread it and it turned out pretty long. I hope you enjoy it, and my heart actually ached while writing it

Warning: Angst, anxiety and panic attacks, angry Harrison and Harry, fluff

Requests are still open

Red carpet

[[ MORE ]]

"I can't believe you! As if I would cheat on you", you yell as you and you boyfriend, of three years, left his hotel room. The argument has started really small, but carried on for about a week and now, on the day of the Far From Home premiere, it reached it's boiling point.

You met Tom through Harrison, because you have been Harrisons neighbour since you could think, causing you two to be best friends. Eventually you both got into Brit School, were you met Tom and Tuwaine and formed a friendship.

And for the longest of time, Tom hadn't had a problem with jealousy or anything, why should he, his best friend and girlfriend were best friends. There's nothing better than that.

But over the course of the last weeks, Tom grew jealous of your and Harrison.

It started with the fact, that Tom had to do more reshoots than you, leaving him at set for the most days. Now you and Harrison on the other side had plenty of spare time to fill, because you couldn't leave the city or go home, in case you were needed on set. But you guys didn't really plan on leaving anyway, you had missed spending time together, sure you lived together and Harrison was Tom's assistant, but he was also very busy besides that. Harrison worked for Tom, meaning he was always near him. You played the part of Tony Starks daughter and therefore didn't have as much screen time or shared scenes with Tom, as you had in the other MCU movies, leaving you mostly alone on set, friendwise.

So when you saw the opportunity to spend time with your childhood best friend, you took it, and so did Harrison. You guys went out for lunch together, went on walks with Tessa and started watching that new Netflix series. "Soon we're gonna watch you on Netflix", you teased and nudged him. His ears turned a bit red and he waved it of, but you knew he felt proud of himself, as did you and Tom. Harrison was the last to finally get his deserved role on screen and you were more than happy to celebrate.

While you and Harrison enjoyed your time catching up, Tom grew frustrated. He would come home late and find you and Harrison on the couch, looking a movie or playing some board game, you would always call him to join you, but he never wanted, he felt like he intruded. Then, on some days he would finish reshooting way earlier than expected, he would call one of you and ask if you wanted to go out for dinner, but almost every time he got shot down. "I'm sorry, Tommy. If we had known you would finish earlier. we would have waited for you, but we just got home from eating out", you apologised and promised to prepare something for him to eat when he got home. Other times he would call Harrison and ask if he wanted to hang out on set, because he had a break, before staring to shoot again. "Sorry mate, I'm on the other side of town with y/n. We're at this vintage flea market and would probably need an hour to get to you, especially because I keep losing her in the crowd", Harrison explained and Tom waved it off. But internally he was starting to doubt himself, what if you liked Harrison more than him and always dumped him on purpose? He chided himself, no he could hear the background noises in Harrisons call, you guys were really somewhere busy, but a part of him always nagged at his thoughts, 'maybe they both are gonna leave you'. His tired and overworked brain, made him come to assumptions he would usually never come to.

So when the day of the premiere rolled around, he was already on edge, tired and secretly insecure. You on the other hand were excited, Tom spent a lot of time working on this film and was usually so tired he would fall straight into bed, as soon as he got home. But now, that everything was wrapped up, he could maybe have a little more time for himself and relax.

"Zip me up please, Love?" you ask Tom and turn, slowly Tom walked up to you, he muttered something under his breath that you didn't catch. When he was done, you turned around and smoothed his suit over. "What did you say? I didn't catch it."

You could see Tom fighting with himself, thinking over what he should say, "Are you alright, Tom?", you asked, as he didn't answer. He breathed out, "I asked, if I really should be the person doing that." You laughed a bit confused, "Doing what? Zipping me up? Who should do if not you? Harrison?", you laughed, not being serious, why would Tom even question that. But when Tom didn't laugh with you, you stopped and furrowed your brows.

"Maybe he should! Spent all your time with him anyways", he spat and turned around. Where did that come from? You walked up to him, still a bit amused, that Tom is actually jealous of his best friend, but you didn't show it. "Are you jealous Tom? Why would you be jealous, Harrison's my best friend", you said calmly, but he spun around, anger clear in his eyes, "Maybe I wouldn't have to be jealous, if my girlfriend would actually spent her time with me! If you wanted to date him, you shouldn't even have started dating me!", he seethed and opened the door for you, you guys were always late, for everything and your argument didn't help this time.

That's where you were now, on your way to the car waiting for you.

"I can't believe you! As if I would cheat on you", you tell, but as soon as the elevator door opened and the paparazzi waited for you, every evidence of an argument was gone. Tom held your waist and shielded you from the masses of paparazzi swarming you. You both smiled politely, laughed and paused quickly for pictures, before getting in the car. But as soon as the car door closed, the mood shifted so much, that the driver rolled up the window between you guys and him and that was all Tom needed to continue the argument.

"Well it's not as if you haven't given me a reason to think otherwise! What were you only with me to get your big break or something?" You were speechless and deeply hurt. You truly didn't know where he was coming from, from your point of view, Tom was just unlucky with his timing.

You and Harrison had called him every other day, asking if he wanted to go grab lunch with you, but he was busy, which you understood, it was his movie. So the one day you didn't call, was when he was done earlier, but you and Harrison had already been out eating lunch. And when you guys were at the flea market it was just bad luck, you had been begging Harrison for ages to go there with you, you both loved fashion, and you used to go to flea markets with Harrison when you were younger, so it was some sort of tradition you guys had, and it was easier to go out with Haz in such a crowded place than with Tom, but when Tom called, you both felt pretty guilty. He now had to spent his break alone, but there wasn't really anything you could do. When he got home this evening, you wanted to show Tom what you bought, you even managed to pick some pretty cool things for Tom as well. Like some vintage Spiderman shirt or a new leather jacket, but he just told you he was to tired to look at it, promising to do so in the morning. But when you woke up the next morning, he already left, claiming he needed to be on set earlier.

"Excuse me!?", you cried out, even though you tried to avoid it, tears started to form in your eyes but you couldn't let them fall or the whole world would see you were crying and you didn't need this sort of rumours, when you didn't even know what was happening. "I would never cheat on you! Especially not with Harrison, he's like my brother.", you argued, blinking rapidly, Tom only scoffed, "You're not even defending that you only use me for fame!"

"I'm not using you for fame. I'm with you, because I love you, you twat. And just so you know, I was casted as Tony Starks daughter, when Spiderman wasn't even in the picture yet."

The car stopped and just before the door opened Tom said, voices laced with venom, "Go cry to your new boyfriend about it."

Your breathed hitched and you felt a lump forming in your throat, but you couldn't answer, because the door was opened for you and you were greeted with flash lights and shouts of your name.

You quickly put on the best smile you could muster and waved to the fans and the press. Toms arm wrapped around your waist felt wrong and you wanted to recoil from the touch.

You didn't hear anything, but your own blood rushing through your ears, and your breath got erratic. You didn't wanna be here, you wanted to leave and hide under your blanket. You wanted Tom to hold you, but at the same time you didn't, his touch right now didn't feel comforting like it usually did on a red carpet, to help you ease your anxiety. You felt his touch like an ice cold burn and your cheeks started to hurt from smiling so bright. Every time you laughed for the camera, you made sure to squeeze your eyes a bit, to make it look more genuine, but doing so only caused the risk to let a tear fall to go higher.

You finally reached the part of the carpet, where Harrison and Tom's family stood, your own family couldn't make it. As soon as Tom saw his parents he let go of you and walked over to them, but your sight just got worse, tears clouding your vision. Harry looked to you a frowned, he could probably see that something was wrong, because the two of you spent a lot of time together, when both Harrison and Tom were busy, he often took you out for shooting sessions and your Instagram feed has been blessed due to his pictures, but he had also witnessed one of your anxiety attacks first hand, when the two of you were out once. He nudged Harrison, who immediately saw that something was wrong, he rushed over. The smile on your face was slowly crumbling, but you couldn't break down crying here, for the whole world to see. You only saw Harrison when he was close enough to you. You wanted nothing more but to hug him, but that wasn't something you could do, the press would love it and that would make Tom even madder and as soon as he would touch you, all your walls would come falling down. Harrison reached out to you but you shook your head, you couldn't speak, as soon as you would open your mouth a sob would leave it.

It was getting harder to breath in your dress, it was dark red to match Tom's suit and now it felt like it was suffocating you. Harrison saw that you were having a panic attack, "should I go get Tom?", he asked, but stopped in his tracks as you shook your head and looked everywhere but to him. Harrison understood, that something must have happened between you and that you couldn't hold your mask for that long. He nodded to Harry and Tuwaine, and they both moved, so they would shield you from the press, but made it look like they stood there by accident.

Harrison looked at you worriedly, you still felt like you couldn't breathe. "Listen y/n/n. I know you wanna leave, but you can't just yet. I don't know what happend, but you can't show it right now. But breathe with me okay, then we see how we continue", Harrison said softly. You knew he spoke the truth, you couldn't leave. He helped you calm your breathing till it was easier to breath, still everything in felt wrong and you could feel Tom's glare on you, and that was almost enough for you to break down. "Listen, Tuwaine and Harry are gonna move now, smile and then you can walk down the carpent alone, down to the building. Yeah?", Harrison asked and you breathed in a deep breath, "you gonna walk with me?", you asked, your throat dry. Assistants or manager could walk behind an actor, with some space between them for the pictures and guide them down the red carpet.

Harrison shook his head, "Sorry, gonna have to walk with Tom." You nodded, it made sense, Harrison was Tom's assistant.

"I'll go with you", piped Harry up and you smiled thankfully. "Gonna glare at all those reporters, so no ones gonna want to talk to you", he joked and a giggle slipped past your lips. You didn't catch the thankful nod Harrison gave Harry. He nodded and started to guide you down the carpet. And he actually spoke the truth, you had to speak to only a handful of reporters and that not for too long.

You soon reached the cinema, where you all would watch the premiere and you dreaded thinking about sitting the whole movie next to Tom. Your breathing started to quicken up again, you now thought about what he said to you in the car. 'Go cry to your new boyfriend about it.' Does that mean you guys just broke up? Did he throw three years of loving you away, because he was jealous. Your vision blurred again and you had trouble catching your breath, "Harry", you whimpered out. He understood immediately, looking out to the carpet, Harrison and Tom just started walking down the second part, you were one of the first inside. Harry pulled you around a corner where no one would walk past. You had no a full blown panic attack, trying to breath, but not catching your breath. "I'm gonna open your dress a bit, okay, so you can breath easier.", Harry asked and you nodded. Harry threw his jacket over your shoulders, still standing in front of you and opened your dress. The jacket helping to prevent someone seeing you with your dress open. As soon as the dress was open you could breath better, but tears were now running down your face.

Harry wanted to start calming you, just like you explained him to do, he asked you about it after witnessing your panic attack and didn't know what to do. But you cut him off before he could even start.

"I think he broke up with me", saying it only made it worse and more real, but you repeated it again, more for yourself, but Harry still heard you. Seeing someone he looked at like a big sister cry made Harry's chest ache.

"No, I'm sure it's something you can talk about again.", Harry tried to assure you, but he wasn't sure himself, he didn't even know what happened.

"Do you want me, to drive you home, after the movie?", he asked softly and you nodded, knowing Harrison probably couldn't leave Tom's side for the day.

Soon the first persons started to enter the cinema and Harry zipped up your dress again, "Oh no, I probably look like mess", you said, you didn't want the press or Tom see you like that. Harry looked around and saw the person he was looking for.

"Hey Vanessa, come over", he said once said girl was in hearing distance. She was your make up artist for red carpets and would usually only powder your nose, so you wouldn't shine on the pictures, but as soon as she was you, she knew you needed a bit more. But with no questions asked she began to save your make up.

She was done at the same time Tom and Harrison and the rest of the family entered. You thanked her and she smiled, before walking away. Harry had already taken his jacket and before you started to walk towards the rest, you pulled on Harry's sleeve, "Do Harrison and I act like a couple?", you asked quietly, afraid he would confirm Tom's thoughts. But Harry just frowned confused. "No? You act like me and Sam do. I can't even imagine you two as a couple. Why would you- oh." He understood why you were asking, he understood where all this trouble came from. "He's wrong, you know. And he knows it too."

You couldn't concentrate on the movie, only on the boy next to. Tom didn't speak to you while you waited in the cinema and he didn't spoke as soon as you sat down next to each other. He didn't touch you either and you didn't know if you were glad or hurt.

Tom could see Harrison and Harry talking before the movie started, but he didn't hear them. He saw that you were hurting, most likely had a panic attack the whole carpet, but he didn't find it in him, to help you. In his mind he was the one who deserved to hurt. But he felt guilty, knowing public events weren't your strong suit, he had noticed, that Harry and you disappeared on the carpet.

"He took her inside", Harrison remarked as he saw Tom looking through the crowd. Tom didn't answer, "Are you going to tell me what all that is about? Why you left her alone on the carpet?" Tom rolled his eyes and smiled for the camera. "Shouldn't be my concern. She's your girlfriend." Harrison would have laughed, if he didn't know that Tom was being serious. They started to walk down the carpet. "Are you fucking kidding me? Don't tell me you're being serious. She's my little sister."

Tom just internally rolled his eyes, as he couldn't do it for real, while all the cameras followed him.

In the cinema he didn't even look at you. Deep down he knew, as soon as he would, he would cave and he couldn't have that. The further along the movie went, the more Tom realized, that maybe, he could be wrong. He spared one glance at you and saw how furrowed your brows were, as if you were forcing yourself to look at the movie. As he looked down to your hands, he saw they were curled into fists so hard, that they turned white. He knew this was something you did to force yourself into calmness. He also knew, that would leave marks on your palm, which why he normally would take your hands and kiss them if he saw you doing that. But not now, he willed himself to stay angry, though his reasoning for that became less and less serious. He thought, that he could talk to her at the after show party and he also knew he had to apologise to Harrison.

After the movie there was a lot of chaos, people came and left. A lot of people wanted to talk to Tom, his cast mates came up to him and he lost sight of who he was looking for. He thought he would see you in the car, since you arrived together, you should leave together to get to the after show party. But Tom drove alone, he thought you would probably go and drive with Harrison and his mood soured, of course you would.

He arrived at the party and saw Harrison talk to Sam and he went over to them. The mood shifted and everyone in their circle noticed. "Where's y/n?", Tom asked as calmly as he could, but his jealousy seeped through. Sam raised his eyebrows at his brothers voice, "What? You didn't know?"

"Know what?", Tom snapped, "About her and Harrison? Yeah I know!" Sam rolled his eyes and Harrison clenched his jaw before speaking, "You're such a dick sometimes, you know that?" Tom raised his hands in mock surrender, "Oh I'm sorry, was that supposed to stay a secret? What you wanna tell me she's not here, getting you a drink?", Tom asked.

"She's not here you twat", said a voice behind him, Harry came, still adjusting his bracelet he got at the front door, "She's in your hotel room, crying her eyes out, because she thinks you hate her and broke up with her." Harry spoke calmly, though it was clear that he was both angry and worried. The other boys also looked worried as Harry spoke.

Tom looked like he wanted to wanted to go, comfort you, but he swallowed it down and looked to Harrison, "What? You don't wanna go comfort her? You spent all your time together anyways." "Yeah! Because you were working and I missed my childhood best friend and it's not like we didn't want you. Every time we asked you waved us off. Y/n got so worried about you over working yourself, that she booked a vacation for you two in a few weeks. Are you even listening to yourself, she's your girlfriend, she loves you."

Tom shook his head, not wanting it to be true, because of it was true, he would have fucked up big time.

"She fucking broke down crying in the cinema, because she thinks you broke up with her, and then she asks me, if her and Harrison look like a couple.", Harry raged, "They look like best friends since kindergarden if you ask me", Sam and Harrison nodded, "Tom, you want to marry that girl and now you get so worked up over something stupid you made up in your mind." "Do you really think, I would steel your girl. Low Tom, really fucking low.", Harrison said and the hurt in his voice was clear. If Harrison already felt like this, how were you feeling? Tom's mind started to swirl, he crouched down, head in his hands.

"Oh, I fucked up, I fucked up" the boys looked at him, "Tom, get up." But Tom didn't move, he repeated the same words over, till Harrison pulled him up by the shoulders, "people are looking, get a grip. Yeah you fucked up, ho make it right.", snapped Harrison. Tom looked at his best friend, "Haz, fuck I'm so sorry. I don't, I..I don't know what I was thinking. Fuck I'm sorry. I'm so stupid", Tom cried out, desperate to get his friends forgiveness. But Harrison just looked at Tom, "Yeah welcome back to the land of the thinking, you were missing for the last few days. Apologise to y/n and then we see where we stand."

When you arrived at your and Tom's shared room you broke down crying

Forgetting Harry was still with you, you immediately unzipped your dress and let it fall to your feet, before walking over to your bedside. Harry looked away respectfully, the art on the wall suddenly very interesting. You pulled on the shirt you always slept with and sunk to the floor, hyperventilating. You had realised that you were wearing Tom's shirt and that made your heart ache, thinking to yourself that maybe that's the closest you will ever get to him again.

Harry rushed to your side and held your face between his hands. "He hates me", you choked out, feeling like there was a hand squeezing your heart. You wanted to scream, but couldn't even get a good breath. Your fingers wrapped around Harry's wrists. Needing the feeling of someone holding you.

"No, darling. He loves you, he's being stupid. Harry held you for a good fifteen minutes, always calming you down again, "He said he wanted to marry me. Now he wants nothing to do with me", you said with a broken voice as another sob left your lips. Harry comforted you, his frustration for his brother grew stronger. "You guys will get married, don't worry. He's just an idiot", Harry promised you, and made it his inner mission to help Tom see his mistake. "You should go to the party", you mumbled after some time. Harry was reluctant to leave you, but eventually caved.

Leaving you alone, you managed to get on the bed, but crawled over to Tom side. The pillow smelled like him as did the blanket, so it felt like a warm hug. You sobbed again, you wanted Tom, not just his pillow.

You fell asleep eventually, you don't know how long you slept, but you woke up with a hand slowly combing through your hair. It was still styled for the carpet and you still had your make up on. When you opened your eyes you saw Tom kneeling beside you. You quickly sat up, trying to move back to your side, trying to mumble a quick apology, never meeting his eyes. His hands gripped your forearm.

"No you don't have to move. Just listen", he pleaded. You saw the hurt in his eyes and you wanted to console him. You didn't say anything and Tom took that as a sign to continue.

"I'm such a dick, y/n. I never meant any of those things I said. I was stressed and grew insecure and stupid. I was so jealous, because I didn't get to spent time with you that I thought you didn't want to spent time with me. And then I thought, you and Harrison could be together, because at least he has time for you. I'm so so sorry. y/n. Darling please look at me", he begged for his forgiveness, tears stung in his eyes, and your cheeks were already wet from crying so much.

"Tom, you hurt me", you whimpered and Tom's head snapped to look at you, "I thought you hate me and want nothing to do with me. I love, I never, never would cheat on you", you sobbed and wrapped you in a hug, causing you to sob harder.

"I'll never hurt you like that again. I know I hurt you and I fucking hate myself for it", Tom's voice cracked and tears poured down his cheeks. "I love you so much. I'll never let you go never. I promise."

You nodded and finally felt his lips against yours again.

That night you slept clinging to each other, Tom still in his suit, only took off his shoes and you still with your make up and hair done. But at least you were together again.

And Tom vowed himself, when he woke up the next morning and softly started to remove the make up from your sleeping form, that he would never ever hurt you like that again.

[chromatic-lamina]

intrigue—chapter 1017 spoilers

Okay, we all know the most important frame of the whole chapter is the one below.

Oda’s really kinda giving everyone a little bit of time in the sun or submersible. Though I’m not sure who the guy on the right is (like, I don’t have a nickname for him). But Ikkaku and Jean Bart have been featuring quite prominently in the few frames afforded the Hearts (and we’ve been seeing a fair-ish bit of Bepo and co in the fighting as well).

I was hoping to see how they actually rescued him, cos subs can do repairs and all underwater, but it’s quite a process from what I’ve read, I think. Plus, it would really depend on how far below you were. 

Guessing Luff hadn’t  sunk that deep, BUT that’s where Ikkaku shifts into Narwhal form, cos those whales can really dive! Fingers crossed there’s anime filler. What’s Luff got in his hand, btw? If anything.

I’m gonna pop in the link to my meta about the Polar Tang and this arc, because I think it’s relevant. 

And next. Shinobu might not like sharp things, but she’s got no fear of heights. Maybe sharp things deflate mature things? I wonder what the story is, considering she was pretty adept at sharp things in the flashback.

It’s understandable that heights freak Momo out. He’s been dangled over them at high stress moments a number of times. And he’s still only eight. The mourning is understandable. I’d imagine he’d be super-conflicted over Kanjuro too, considering the time he, Kin’emon and Kanjuro had spent together.

Then, things aren’t going quite right for CP0, and the reveal that Who’s-Who is ex-CP9, and CP0 must have known if Jinbe/Jinbei knows, is really interesting. As is the shout out to Rob Lucci. We last saw him at the Reverie. I can imagine the predictions and theories are going wild.

But before we get to Who’s-Who, let’s check out these two:

Queen in Cyborg form. The fic of Queen, Franky and Kid hanging out needs to be written. Kid’s not cyborg, but he does have a cool arm. AND what is MADS. MADS became SADS? Ah, Sanji, what secrets are you holding up your non-electronic sleeve?

It doesn’t seem to pop up on the wiki, but I didn’t pay really close attention to Germa, so if anyone has the info, drop a reply and let me know please. It might be a translation thing, as these are scans, but I’m assuming it was an acronym in Roman letters.

Don’t get MAD, get SAD, and then you SMILE, or something like that? Anyhoo.

Was there ever anyone more Little Mermaid than Zoro, and I mean the Hans Christen Andersen version, not Disney?

But First! Chopper as Baby Gramps! Like, is the corny speech pattern part of that? I’m figuring so.

Second, there’s Zoro walking and each step feeling like knives (glass I thought), so long as he can shed his mer-tail, walk on two legs, and be in the presence of his prince (who doesn’t love him). I mean, that’s the Little Mermaid. 

God that was a sad story. I just reread the wiki, and she lost her voice following her desire to be with the prince (part of a sea-witch potion), and the prince also never realised that it was her who saved him when he fell from his ship, but he was in love with whoever he thought had. I guess mermaids of this era might not have been able to write. But anyway, Zoro’s role, like Christ on the cross it seems (fitting that he’s still in crucifixion pose), is to take on the pain of others. Except, unlike Christ (but like the Little Mermaid), they never know it. Of course, lots of philosophies have similar stories, ideas and models but, just as Oda has designated it so that Law gets beaten up and chained on a fairly regular basis (second being Sanji, perhaps), Zoro just takes on the pain of others as if it was a very requirement of his very Bushido nature. Heh.

Little Mermaid from the wiki: 

she will obtain a soul only if she wins the love of the prince and marries him, for then a part of his soul will flow into her. Otherwise, at dawn on the first day after he marries someone else, the Little Mermaid will die with a broken heart and dissolve into sea foam upon the waves.

LawLu shippers, you can’t do that to Zoro. Anyway, the mermaid does die, by suicide once the prince marries someone else (she had the option to murder him to keep her life), but kinda becomes an ethereal spirit, and Zoro’s gonna have a better life than that, and has had so far, I think. Maybe. 

The Little Mermaid dances because she’s good, the prince likes it, but he doesn’t realise it’s like stepping on knives for her with every step. Literally. That sea witch and her potion, man.

Back to Zoro, I’m guessing his actions fit into  the “Heroic Courage” aspect of the eight virtues of Bushido (just relying on Wikipedia here). And Zoro’s right. At this point, if he could not fight, his particular role and purpose and perception of self would need some serious reassessment.

But we’re in for some angst, and angst fics once the battle is over, for sure. Considering the encounter with the bible-wielding Bartholomew Kuma almost killed him, and that it was only through taking on Luffy’s pain at that time that Luffy could continue. So. Broship and all to the fore. I’ve got a feeling his missing eye, or the story behind it, is gonna have a role to play soonish.

Tama’s way of fighting also needs a special Bao Huang broadcast just here. Heroism comes in all shapes. Look at how many people she’s manipulating. King, or queen, and definitely awesome.

And, finally—

Who’s-Who is ex-CP9 and it seems he was imprisoned due to not properly guarding the gomu gomu no mi. Shanks and co had that, so yeah, full circles and new things to ponder.

[genshin-djinn]

my assorted thoughts on Historia Antiqua Act 1

The Plot

I’m a sap for dark and introspective character stories and Zhongli’s, as expected from the former oldest archon of Teyvat, did not disappoint. I loved watching the story of the salt god unfold (juxtaposed with Zhongli’s own identity as a former archon and as one of the two winners of the Archon war still alive today).

Wanyan and Climate (I don’t like the guy so I gave him a nickname early on into the quest) were interesting participants in the quest to find relics/ learn more about Liyue’s history/ get rich. I’m pretty sure that Climate learned about Zhongli from Childe. Wanyan’s perspective is quite fascinating because while she’s proven wrong in the end of this story, Rex Lapis was indeed a merciless warlord who likely did kill less than demonic gods during the Archon War.

I enjoyed beating up Climate. some of the English lines during that part of the quest are strangely hilarious (‘the wrath of the rock’, ‘punish climate’).

I also kind of liked how even though Zhongli’s story quest was focused around a domain, it wasn’t really combat- heavy. Did I almost die to the five million level 80 hydro mimics? Yes. But the domain itself wasn’t really super big on combat, it was just enough to be a really solid showcase of Zhongli’s abilities and a lot of plot. And I kind of like that, especially as someone who just hit WL 6 and would’ve died in a heartbeat if the domain had beefier monsters.

I also really liked the unfinished feeling of Wanyan’s story.

The Domain

Prior to Zhongli’s character stories my two favorite dungeons in Genshin were the Toy Factory from Childe’s story and the Cryo Regisvine Jungle from Xiangling’s story. And this dungeon?? It just took the two of them and mashed them together and added an extra scoop of angst and an extra scoop of plot.

This domain was visually fantastic and was intertwined with the plot and the story of the quest really well.

Walking past salt corpses, all in various phases of terror and prayer, was absolutely excellent. The progression of the corpses from praying to desperately running as the player moves through the domain heightens the intensity. It’s pretty obvious who killed all the people who once lived in the domain, but sort of seeing it play out in slow motion while you move towards the final room of the dungeon is very nice.

Zhongli (the combat)

I don’t know what it was. The ridiculously high HP? The max ascension level? The weapon? The constellations? But I absolutely loved using Zhongli during this story quest.

While playing Genshin I have a tendency to ignore everything except offense and just run around, screaming at my various support characters to gain energy faster while just spamming Diluc’s E. And that makes me take a hell of a lot of damage at WL6. I come out of basically every fight involving more than one decently powerful mob with my team half- dead. But in this domain, Zhongli’s shield made it all better.

Zhongli’s shield is fecking nice. I got hit by nearly every one of that Pyro abyss mage’s attacks and took maybe 40 points of damage because Zhongli accidentally walked over a campfire.

Here are my feelings on the rest of Zhongli’s kit: his basic attacks hit like a wet noodle, I didn’t even try his charged attack (but it looks so fecking cool), his pillar is probably mainly for dive attacks and I don’t care about it too much yet but its CD is so fecking low it’s astonishing, I only tried his petrify meteor once but I got rid of the effect about a second in with Diluc and didn’t get a chance to see it properly.

Zhongli (the character)

this man really is just a vending machine full of history and trivia about Liyue.

We already knew a decent bit about Zhongli’s personality from Chapter 1 of the archon quests, but Zhongli’s story quest really hit home his devotion to contracts— more specifically, what happens when you break one and a solid bit about how Zhongli uses contracts to manipulate people.

Firstly, when you break a verbal contract you either get beat up. Or you get told information you don’t want to hear. Or something else. Zhongli doesn’t seem to harbor any resentment towards those who break contracts, but sees punishing those who do as his own contractual duty.

Secondly, Zhongli isn’t above using contracts to force people into doing certain things. He knows that Wanyan and Climate are entering the domain for their own purposes (justice for/ knowledge about the God of Salt and money, respectively) and creates a contract to force their hands in certain situations.

Climate is greedy, and won’t pass up a chance for more treasure— so Zhongli uses this breach of their previous contract to abandon his role as Climate’s guide/ consultant and get the man to leave. Wanyan is only interested in information about the salt god, and her breach of the contract lets Zhongli tell her the full truth.

Zhongli is excellent at understanding people and what they want, and uses this knowledge to further his own goals— it’s what he did in the Archon quest, and it’s what he did going into Sal Terrae.

Another interesting thing about Zhongli that was sort of shown previously (but that was made a lot clearer in this quest) is his strict adherence to unwritten/ unverbalized contracts. He absolutely never lies to Aether or any other characters— he’ll omit the truth easily, and will either say nothing or change the subject if he doesn’t want to answer a question, but Zhongli doesn’t actually speak any lies. Zhongli also obeys all the contracts, written and unwritten, that come with his job as a consultant and doesn’t actually attack Climate or reject him from the group until the guy breaks a contract.

To sum it all up,

Historia Antiqua Act 1 was a lot of fun. The domain was very well made, the plot was nice, and I can’t wait to roll Zhongli. This story quest seems to hint towards an Act 2 in the future. I’m looking forward to it.

[wackybuddiemewbs]

Random Buddie Fic Snippets - no title, just (bad) vibes

Here’s to another snippet of things that ghost through my Word files. This one’s particularly headache-inducing for me personally. For one, trigger warnings galore. And then I have *checks file* 41k (!!!) words worth of non-fic noted down, but it’s really just unassembled bits and pieces of mostly dialog. Grrrrrrr. 😖

Since such a fic would take a lot more planning... which is basically the antithesis of me for all intents and purposes... I pester you with snippets like they are pestering me. Said it before and can only reiterate: I make you suffer with me. *cackles*

Basically, the story plays on the idea that Eddie and Buck grew up together due to plot convenient purposes and meet again at the fire station after years apart. Anyway, here’s to more madness mingled with angst! Cheers!

Buck slings his duffel bag over his shoulder when his phone vibrates. Sighing, he shifts his weight to take it out of his pocket and take the call. A smile creeps up his lips when he sees the picture flare up on his screen.

“Hey, what’s up, Mads?”

“Hey, I just wanted to let you know that you were right about that little bakery downtown. It’s so worth the twenty minute trip,” she nearly groans. And Buck can relate. When he found that authentic Mexican bakery on a long run through the city, he may or may not have shed a few tears of happiness. And he may or may not have bought pastry worth a hundred bucks.

Totally worth it to run all those extra miles for the carbs, though.

“How many conchas did you have?” Buck asks, chuckling softly.

“I’m pleading the fifth.”

“Did you drive back to get more?” he questions, though Buck is fairly sure what the answer is already, which comes promptly, “Which is why I might be late for work.”

Buck laughs, leaning back against his car. “They are in the top 5 of conchas I ever had, which is saying something. So yeah, I get the feeling.”

And he should really know, he’s had the best in the world and no. 2 and 3 also. Though those are not up for sale.

“So, I need a bit of distraction to keep myself from digging through the remains of the bag before I make it to the car,” she tells him.

“Sure, what do you want to hear?”

“Howie told me that you’re getting someone new on the team today. Are you excited?”

“… Oh, ugh, sure.” Buck can feel his jaw cramping at that.

“You know you just sounded more excited about me being on a sugar high thanks to Mexican pastry than you are about your new teammate arriving.”

He’d hoped to avoid that conversation before he got over with it. Because that’s how he normally rolls with it. He gets over with it.

Works with band-aids and most situations that give you discomfort.

But Maddie has maybe not the sixth but seventh sense apparently big sisters seem to inherit by birth, so it appears that not even the most amazing conchas up for sale in all of Los Angeles will spare him having that conversation now. Which is the equivalent of tearing duct tape off, but slowly.

“I’m a huge concha fan, what can I say? And sure, it’s cool. It’d be nice to have a partner on the team, like, permanently, like Chim and Hen, more like.”

Buck rolls his eyes back as far as they will into his skull. It’s a small wonder that Maddie doesn’t buy his bullshit. He was fine just dodging the topic until now, it’s what normally works best for him. But yeah, Maddie just knows how to coax it out of him, and he loves and hates her for it.

“Talk to me, Buck.”

Buck looks up to the sky. “… I guess I’m just a bit nervous.”

“You are nervous? Don’t you think it’s up to the new teammate to be a bundle of nerves?”

“That’s kind of my thing, though,” Buck argues.

He has been ever since Bobby announced that they’d get a newbie, not a probie, but someone to be on the team with them. Dutifully, Buck laughed at the comments about how Bobby seemingly hired him a babysitter to make sure he doesn’t do reckless stuff all the time.

The nervous energy settled in when he got home that day and his leg wouldn’t stop bobbing well into lying in bed, trying to sleep. He only fell asleep halfway through reading the Wikipedia list of minor planets named after people.

“Then why do you feel nervous?”

“It’s nothing.”

“You know you can tell me,” she says softly.

Buck closes his eyes. He understood by now that yes, he can. But that doesn’t mean he wants to. Most of the time, Buck wished he didn’t have to tell anyone anything ever again and simply exist in the here and now. Because the here and now is sunny and tastes of pretty damn awesome conchas.

“I know it’s stupid, but…” His voice trails off.

And maybe she can read his mind, Buck wouldn’t be surprised if it turned out to be the case, because Maddie goes on to say, “You know he’s not taking your place, right?”

“What? Yeah, I mean…” Buck chews on his bottom lip. Whenever Maddie starts to talk like that, he feels like he’s sitting with a therapist. And suddenly, what he wants to believe are just his antics sounds like food for the shrinks.

“This is supposed to be your partner. Someone to have your back, not stab you in the back,” Maddie points out.

“Rationally, I know all that. It’s just…” He stretches out his legs.

“It’s just what?” she asks in a gentle tone of voice.

“What if he’s better than me?”

What if they realize that he’s expendable after all? What if someone comes along who can do things better than Buck without the attitude? What if he can’t prove his worth anymore because that guy can do it just as well, maybe even better?

“Then I will be glad because that means someone capable is watching out for my baby brother,” Maddie answers, pulling Buck back to the current conversation, not the fictional ones inside his head.

“What if we end up hating each other’s guts?” Buck continues. He had to restrain himself from actually typing a list of all those questions on his phone when his mind went spiraling upon receiving the news. Because that’s what’s been going on ever since Bobby announced. And Buck knows how stupid it is, but his brain didn’t get the memo. There are so many what ifs that it’s making him dizzy thinking about them.

“Then you talk about it like actual adults. And anyway, no one can hate you to your guts. You’re amazing.”

Buck has to fight hard not to blush. “Thanks, but you’re biased because you’re my sister.”

His heart still beats a little faster every time he says those words out loud. Something that comes so light and casual these days, though it isn’t. It is closer to what it should be. Because it should be casual, natural, given.

But apparently, the world didn’t get that memo yet. Seemingly a pattern.

“And as your sister, I’m also always right.”

“Are not.”

“Are too.”

He laughs. She chuckles back.

“Listen,” Maddie continues. “Just be yourself. You’re going to figure it out. This is exciting, Buck. More people to add to your family, okay?”

“Yeah, okay. Thanks,” he croaks.

“I’ll call you during lunch time, unless you’re out on a call. And then I want all the details on the newbie.”

“Alright. Pro tip: Put the bag of pastries in the trunk of your car. Only way to keep your paws off of them while driving.”

“I may actually crawl back, but yeah, it’d require a lot more effort.”

He smiles. “Drive save.”

“Will do.”

“Alright, I’m heading in,” Buck says, pushing away from his car. “Or else I will be running late, too.”

“Love you, little brother.”

“Love you, too. Talk to you later.”

“Bye.”

“Bye.”

Buck hangs up and stuffs his phone back into his pocket.

Maddie is right. There is nothing to be nervous about. He has a team now. No one is leaving. New people are arriving. That’s how it works. That’s normal. And he gets to pester the newbie. So he should really be excited, as Maddie said. Buck knows he should focus on that. On how great this could turn out to be. On having a partner. Someone to have his back. All the time.

He sucks in a deep breath as he comes to stand in front of the door leading inside the fire station.

“The door is not closed,” he mutters with closed eyes, grabbing the handle. Buck pushes inside. He is greeted by the familiar hum of the fire station coming to life. People are talking over coffee, some are still fastening the buttons on their shirts as they make up the stairs.

And there’s no place he’d rather be. Buck knew that the moment he first walked into the station for the first time, and that assessment hasn’t changed since.

Buck makes for the locker rooms to change, not wanting to run late like Maddie. Once changed into his uniform, Buck finds himself a little more at ease. Athena once pointed out that they wear those uniforms as a way of protecting themselves. You take them off after work and leave all the bad behind that you’ve witnessed on a call. For Buck, the other way is just as true, though.

When he puts on that uniform on, he can leave his anxious, knee-bobbing self behind and do something meaningful. Because that’s what he found here, beside the team that means so much to him. He found a purpose. A way of answering a calling that lies far back in a past he can’t and won’t remember. To save lives.

Buck looks at his reflection in the mirror, straightens out the collar, makes sure his hair sits perfectly. His glance lingers on the name tag a moment longer, brushes his fingers over the metal plate, the one thing he can’t fix or straighten out.

But that won’t make me flinch. Ever.

“Buckaroo! Time for coffee and talk! I need new material on that show Denny and you are watching and that you need to update me on, so I don’t have to watch it!”

Buck smiles as he closes the locker to see Hen standing there with two cups of coffee.

“Coming.”

But that fixes a whole lot already.

-------------------

Hen sips her coffee in silence as Bobby goes on about who is doing what for the day. She is glad that she isn’t assigned truck cleaning duty. That’s one of the best things about newbies and probies coming in. They get to do the dirty work for a bit. She had to jump those hoops, too, like everyone did, so it only seems fair.

Chim nudges her in the side, pulling her out of her musings. “Have you seen the newbie yet?”

She nudges him back a bit harder to tell him wordlessly that he is supposed to stop doing that. “If I had, don’t you think I would’ve told you by now?”

“Just saying, being late on the first day is not a good sign.”

“Can I help you with something, Han, Wilson?” Bobby calls out. “Care to share with the rest of the team?”

Buck laughs beside them, earning himself a nudge from Hen. That kid is going places sometimes, but Hen learned to love him fiercely after he stopped being a punk.

Fine, he’s still a punk sometimes, but we got to see there’s a heart of gold underneath all the punk and muscle and hair gel.

He grew on her the way he managed to grow on anyone, even the Captain who doesn’t like to admit that more than anyone around the station. He fired the boy first week in, and it was well-deserved, but he proved capable and kind.

Hen knew she was done for this humanoid golden retriever when she fussed over not having a babysitter for Denny and Buck jumped in after he’d just done a double-shift. She and Karen were still working things out and he just made the room, even though the boy deserved bed more than anyone else. Still, he took Denny to the park, finished homework with him, and got him to go to bed even though the kid is not so much a negotiator as he is a small dictator when it comes to bedtime. Karen and she found Buck passed out, snoring like a lawnmower, a book still in his lap while sitting next to Denny’s bed.

“Nothing, Cap,” Chimney answers. “Just sharing excitement about the newbie.”

“You’ll meet him shortly. He had to pick up his gear first and talk to the higher-ups another time. Once he arrives, you can pester him with questions as I know you will.”

“On it, Cap.”

Bobby rolls his eyes, but then his mind goes back to the clipboard and the rest of the chores yet to be divided among the firefighters on shift. The rest of the morning routine goes without further incident, so the three are soon walking down the stairs to their designated task of checking their stocks on medical equipment.

“Okay. That is a beautiful man,” Chimney says, suddenly stopping in his tracks.

Hen trains her eyes on the dark-haired Latino, putting on a shirt. That should be the newbie, then.

“Where’s the lie? And I like girls.”

“Eddie…,” Buck breathes beside her.

Hen whips her head around at the sound.

“Wait, you know this guy?” Chim asks, but Buck doesn’t say anything. Instead, he starts to walk towards the new guy, or almost staggers, she should rather say. The newbie only takes notice of him when his head pops out from the shirt.

“Buck?”

To Hen, it feels like the two just go in slow motion while the rest of the fire station is crazy and busy as always. As though the whole world disappeared around them.

She can’t make out whatever words may be exchanged between them before the new guy covers the last few steps between them and pulls Buck against him in a tight hug. Shock is written all over his face, but also huge relief. Though Hen honestly wished they stood the other way around, because she would like to know just what expression is flitting across her little golden retriever’s face.

“What on earth is going on here?” Chimney mutters.

“I ain’t got no clue.”

The newbie pulls away, smiling over both ears, both hands deftly resting on Buck’s arms. Even though Hen still can’t see Buck’s face, it seems that the guy is doing all the talking for a change. Then he is hugging him all over again.

“I repeat, what on earth is going on here?”

“Only one way to find out.”

Before they can overcome their paralysis, Buck starts to move, gesturing behind himself. The new guy nods with the brightest of smiles, not once letting go of Buck’s arm as they start to walk towards them.

Her confusion is multiplied by the way Buck carries himself, eyes downcast, looking nothing but nervous.

Did someone exchange the 118’s golden retriever this morning, or what’s going on here?

“... can’t believe we meet again in this place of all places,” she can hear the new guy say as they approach.

“S, same.”

Buck is stuttering. To repeat the repeat: What on earth is going on here?

“We have so much catching up to do.”

“Yeah.”

“Buckaroo?” Hen calls out, or maybe demands. She no longer cares for the details here. She needs to get down to the bottom of this. Fast.

“Oh, sorry, I just… this is Eddie.”

“Hi.”

“Hi Eddie, it is a pleasure meeting you. We will greet you good and proper in only just a moment. Hold the line,” Hen says, before turning her attention back to Buck. “Now to you, Buckaroo. Spill the beans.”

“Yeah,” Chim agrees.

But Buck is not forthcoming. Boy looks like a fish out of the water, his mouth opening and closing without any sounds coming out. This makes the sirens ring inside Hen’s head, not the ones at the station. Because their Buckaroo never stops talking, even when he should sometimes, and even when he wants to stop talking, he will keep talking. So him not finding anything to say may or may not force Mother Hen to have to look after her punk chick here.

“We grew up together,” Eddie says after a pause, still all soft smiles and maybe even softer curls, by the looks of it. Hen will worry about that later, too. “I honestly had no clue he was working at this station, let alone that he was in L.A. Color me surprised. Abuela will not believe this.”

“Abuela?”

“My grandmother. She’s the one who fostered him before…,” Eddie continues, but then stops himself when he notices the look of sheer panic on Buck’s face. “They do not know this.”

Buck shakes his head.

“Dios.”

“Wait, you were in foster care?” Chimney almost cries out.

“In Texas?” Hen adds, her mind still short-circuiting thanks to that input.

“Yeah. I was adopted by the Moores after that.”

Chimney gapes at him. “You were adopted?”

“Yeah.”

“Wait, they don’t know about that either?” Eddie asks, now almost as frantic as they are.

Welcome to the club, hon.

“Now they do,” Buck mutters.

“But Maddie isn’t adopted. I should know.” Chimney lifts his index finger.

“Right,” Hen agrees.

Eddie makes a face. “Who’s Maddie?”

“My girlfriend, Buck’s sister.”

“You have a sister?” Eddie slaps his hand against Buck’s arm, shock taking the place of confusion.

“Wait, you grew up with him and don’t know his sister?”

“It’s a long story,” Buck sighs.

“Like how you’re Texan?” Hen scoffs.

Buck holds up his hands. “Okay, guys, can we stop spiraling for a second?”

Hen opens her mouth to give him a piece of mind, but she’s abruptly cut off by their captain standing at the top of the stairs. “Buck! I could use a hand up here!”

“On my way, Cap!” Buck yells back, the amount of relief to opt out of the conversation more than imminent. “Sorry, duty calls!”

“Hey no,” Chim hisses, but Buck isn’t having it. He pats Eddie on the shoulder. “We’ll talk later, okay?”

“Okay.”

With that, he starts to jog, or rather run, up the stairs. All watch him go, before their eyes fall back on the people standing right in front of them.

Well, if that’s not awkward.

“So, ugh. Hi again,” the new guy says, smiling sheepishly. “Eddie Diaz, your newbie.”

“Hi. Hen Wilson.”

“Howard Han, but you can call me Chimney or Chim. And why I’m called that is between me and God.”

“Okay. That may be only the second most confusing thing to happen on my first day.”

“We don’t normally act like this,” Hen tries to reassure him.

Chim makes a face. “We don’t?”

Hen nudges him in the side hard enough to make Chim gasp.

“Wilson, Han, you’re supposed to get on with the stocks!” someone calls out.

“You’re not our boss!” Chim shouts back at what turns out to be that jackass Lambert from B-roll no one likes because his attitude stinks about as much as his aftershave.

“But Cap is and he told me to tell you to move it!”

“I hate that guy,” Chim grumbles.

“I think I’ll like it here,” Eddie chuckles.

“They are so young and innocent when they join,” Chim snorts.

“Welcome to the 118,” Hen says, giving the younger man’s shoulder a gentle squeeze. “I suppose you should go up there as well and talk to the captain.”

“Alright, I’ll see you around.”

“Most certainly.”

“That was only mildly threatening,” Chim laughs, rolling his eyes well before Hen jabs him another time.

“Good to have you here,” he adds.

“Indeed.”

“Good to be here. See you later.”

“Later,” both say in unison.

Eddie smiles at them before climbing up the stairs.

“You try to get a hold of your boo, I’ll see what info I can squeeze out of Cap or Buck, whoever I get my hands on first.”

“Aren’t we supposed to get on with…”

Hen glowers at him.

“I said nothing.”

“Less talking to me, more talking to your girlfriend.”

Chimney makes a mock salute, before walking away while fiddling with his phone. Hen let’s her gaze wander up to the gallery with a grimace. Something is not right, but she is going to figure it out. Because Hen Wilson keeps all her little chicks on track, even more so now that they got a new one to take care of.

-------------------

Eddie tosses the sponge into the water bucket. Getting some of the crappier chores for the day is something he fully expected to happen. What he didn't expect, not in a million years, was running into Buck. Eddie’s head is still reeling because of it. And for what it seems, the same is true for Buck.

Buck.

To say that he seemed shocked is an understatement. Eddie knows the way Buck expresses panic. He’s grown up making sure the kid breathed instead of keeling over when it hit him, so Eddie knows that this was not just surprise, this was fight-or-flight level panic. Eddie knows by now he was so panicked because his colleagues didn’t know about the fostering or adoption – and he could still kick himself for bringing it up unawares.

He jumped to the conclusion because Buck used to talk about it freely to anyone who asked, especially after he was adopted by the Moores. Because it was his way of signifying to the rest of the world that he’d made it from being abandoned to finding friends and family. So Eddie assumed that Buck wouldn’t act any different around his colleagues.

Far from it!

“Eddie, my friend.”

Eddie nearly jumps when Hen and Chimney materialize next to him.

Speaking of…

“Hi,” he greets them.

“How’re you liking it thus far?”

“The detergents smell not as bad as some others do,” Eddie snorts. “But I’m pretty sure that’s not what you came here to ask me about.”

“Just so that you know, you can tell us anything,” Hen says in that mild tone of voice, though Eddie is pretty sure she only says it this way not to scare him away.

“You are looking for bribing material on Buck, I take?”

“We always appreciate it, but we are more like… trying to get up to speed. Until you came to the station, we didn’t even know he’d been fostered,” Hen answers.

“Or adopted,” Chimney adds.

“In Texas.”

Eddie chews on the inside of his cheek. “Yeah, about that. So he actually found his sister?”

If seeing Buck nearly floored him, hearing about his sister was definitely not adding to Eddie’s calm.

“Yes, she’s my girlfriend. You’ll get to know her soon enough.”

There is a part in Eddie that’s very much relieved to hear that Buck found at least part of his family, but another part of him hurts at the news just as much. Because that means Buck likely learned some very uncomfortable truths about his past that won’t have added to the man’s confidence.

“Back in Texas, we knew nothing about where he came from, including whether he had siblings or not. There was an assumption, but no one could be sure.”

“How old were you by the time your grandmother fostered him?”

“I was eight years old.”

“Eight years old… Buck made it sound like he and Maddie were out of touch like, only by the time she got to know Doug.”

Eddie frowns. “Who’s Doug?”

“No one you want to know.” Chimney shakes his head.

Eddie shakes his head. All of this starts to make less and less sense. Why didn’t Buck tell them about any of this? Why didn’t he when he apparently found his sister? Why are they about as clueless as he is, even though they’ve been working side-by-side with him for how long now?

“We lost sight of each other when the Moores moved away from Texas. So they aren’t around anymore?”

Hen shrugs at that. “Let’s say we’ve never met them, never talked about them, or seen any pictures.”

“Kid arrived here with a travel bag and the will to become a firefighter,” Chimney adds.

Eddie can’t help but smile at that. “That sounds like him.”

“You sound pretty clueless actually, and not gonna lie, that is strangely reassuring,” Chimney snorts.

“I prepared for meeting many new people today. Not my best friend back from childhood.”

“Aw.” Hen clutches her hands in front of her chest.

“I just hope he’s not mad at me.” Eddie grimaces. There is something tugging at his heart, just thinking about it. A memory that goes way back in time. When he thought he’d messed it up with Buck forever and always, but he forgave quicker than Eddie could forgive himself.

“I don’t remember our Buckaroo being capable of keeping grudges for long.”

“Then that hasn’t changed at least,” Eddie sighs.

“I think you two should definitely get something to drink after work, reminiscence about the good old times. Catch up. Report back to us in the morning,” she says, her voice trailing off.

“You are aware that they are childhood friends.”

“But I can be far more intimidating.”

“I think getting something to drink and catch up is actually a good idea,” Eddie ponders. “So thanks.”

“You, I like.”

Eddie grins.

“You still missed a spot, though.”

Eddie chuckles, shaking his head. Buck made some good friends here, for what it seems. And he is more than glad for it. They can surely figure this all out.

-------------------

Waking up this morning, Buck thought his biggest worry would be to sort himself out with regards to the newbie and his standing on the team as a result. While that remains true, he just didn't imagine for one hot second it may be Eddie of all people in the entire universe.

Eddie.

When Buck saw him at the station, he didn’t know how to breathe. Even though he hadn’t seen him in years, he knew instantly, only to know that he suddenly knew nothing anymore. Buck used to think he made his peace never seeing Eddie again after they moved away, but then Eddie was hugging him and all those things Buck made sure to bury deep in the ground started to crawl up through the dirt, scratching at a way too thin surface.

And now he is sitting at a bar, nursing his alcohol free beer – because he doesn’t drink when driving, he has to get people out of cars thanks to that behavior way too often, thank you very much. He is at a bar. With Eddie. His Eddie. Because Eddie invited him to get a beer after the shift, and Buck didn’t know how to say no.

Story of my life, isn’t it?

“… I don’t even know where to begin,” Buck admits after a while of awkward silence spreading between them, wherein both men just started peeling the label off of their bottles of beer.

“Same. I mean, you got a sister.”

“Yeah, ugh, I would have told you that, but Chim is still over the moon with her, so of course he mentioned her before I could. They are cute together, but at the disgusting kind of stage,” Buck ponders.

“I’m just so happy for you that you found your family, Buck.”

He manages a feeble smile. Because Buck knows that Eddie means it, understands it perhaps better than most. Because he had to deal with it growing up, had to deal with Buck dealing it growing up.

“I didn’t really find Maddie. We just… happened to meet again. Like us two did today.”

Eddie blinks at him. “Really?”

Buck nods his head. The universe always had the strangest kind of humor when it came to him.

“She’s a dispatcher now. We talked over dispatch for a while, not knowing who we are to each other. We decided to hang out. As friends. She didn’t know people in the city after she moved there only recently, so we also went to a pub and… we started to talk.”

Déjà-vu much, huh?

“Over time, I told her some stuff about my past and, well, Maddie realized that the timing seemed oddly familiar to the brother she thought had died,” Buck continues. “DNA test confirmed it.”

“I was wondering about that,” Eddie sighs, still trying to process that input for what it seems. “I mean, I really put my foot in it, just blurting out with this.”

Buck holds up his hands. “Eddie, no. You had any reason to believe I had told them. I suppose I’ve been blowing this up out of proportions anyway, so this is really just on me.”

“It’s your choice what you want to share with people about yourself, Buck.”

Buck blinks. Sometimes, he forgets how wise Eddie used to be already at a young age. He was also a dumbass a lot of times, but when it came to talking about Buck’s feelings instead of his own, the guy always knew how to make sense of the chaos and make Buck feel like his feelings weren’t just a tedious affair best ripped off like band-aids.

Eddie always understood Buck, even when he couldn’t understand himself. And Buck wants to think that the same was true the other way around, for as long as it lasted.

“Thanks.”

Eddie smiles at him, sipping from his beer.

“Speaking of, thanks to Maddie I now know my official name,” Buck continues, doing his best to sound jovial. “Evan Buckley.”

“Buck-ley. Well, that explains how you got the name,” Eddie ponders, before tilting his head to the side with a cocked eyebrow. “So do I call you Evan from now on?”

“If you want me to call you Edmundo?”

Eddie narrows his eyes at him. “You wouldn’t dare.”

Buck sniggers. “You should know better than to tempt me.”

“Evan.”

“Edmundo.”

“This sounds all kinds of wrong,” Eddie laughs, shaking his head. “For me, you can only ever be Buck.”

“Which is convenient, because I can only be Buck.”

There was a brief moment in time when Buck considered changing his name, taking on that identity, the one intended. In the end, he dropped the idea for what he hopes to be for good. He doesn’t know who this Evan Buckley was or what he’d be now. He knows what Buck was like growing up. He knows what the guy is up to these days. And while they have their qualms, he’s mostly at peace with Buck.

Even a name tag doesn't change a thing about it.

Because he’s Buck. And thankfully, Eddie sees it the same way. So maybe he’s not entirely crazy for holding on to that, however schizophrenic it may be in the end.

“Anyway, part of the reason why I managed not to let anyone in on this is that Maddie agreed to run with not mentioning it. We just stuck to the part where we lost sight of each other and found one another again when anyone asked. And until now, no one really questioned the timeline.”

“And no one ever made the connection between Buckley and Buck?” Eddie asks.

Buck shakes his head. “Maddie’s married name is Kendall. She considered changing it back to Buckley after she broke up with her scumbag husband. But when she found out what kind of scumbags our parents are, it was out the window. So no one had reason to question the difference in names and just assumed that Maddie’s birth name was Moore, too.”

“I take that there is no good explanation as to how you ended up in Texas, then,” Eddie sighs. Buck can tell that he’s trying to sound casual, soft, but the white-knuckled grip on the beer bottle is an entirely different story.

“No, not really. As far as we understand it, our parents moved across state borders under the pretense to get treatment for me. Then they just dropped me at a fire station and drove back. They told Maddie I died.”

“Why would they do that? Why would anyone’s parents…?” Eddie shakes his head, disbelief settling in. Buck knows the feeling oh too well. When he found out, it didn’t make sense to him at all. But as more details were added, the clearer the bigger picture became, though it turned none the brighter.

Buck looks around, just to be sure none of the 118 was sent here to spy on them. Once he is sure there is really just them, Buck hunches forward in his seat.

“Well, I was a big, fat disappointment, I guess. They had me to save their oldest son, Daniel. He had juvenile leukemia. I was… I was a savior baby. Just that… ugh, I didn’t save him. My guessing is that they never wanted me, so they gave me away after Daniel died. I was just there for spare parts anyway.”

Buck suddenly feels something cold in his neck, only to realize it’s Eddie’s hand gently squeezing it. Buck tenses for a moment, then eases to the familiarity of the touch, suppressing the urge to lean into it like he used to.

“I’m so sorry. I would’ve hoped for something else to come out of this.”

Buck manages a feeble smile. “It’s fine. I got a sister now I never expected to find. That’s great. Over the moon kinda great. And now I also ran back into you, too. So I’m one lucky bastard after all.”

Eddie’s hand lingers for a while, no words spoken and yet all is said between them. And how much Buck missed that. Not having to say things for them to be understood.

Eventually, Eddie’s hand falls on his shoulder, giving it a light pat before returning to his beer. “So we’re still friends after I spilled to your colleagues?”

“I didn’t stop being your friend after you got so mad for me saying that you couldn’t bake for shit, so you covered a balloon stuck to a cardboard box in frosting and told me you’d baked a cake and I cut the thing only for it to explode in my face.”

“To this day one of my proudest achievements when it comes to pranks,” Eddie snorts, breaking out laughing at the memory.

Buck can’t help but laugh along. Many of those memories got stuffed away alongside the ones he’d buried in the ground. He had no reason to unearth them because he chose not to tell anyone. But with Eddie, those things come back to light and they shimmer like gold, even after all those years of packing on dust.

“Laugh it up all you want, I got back at you eventually.”

“Don’t remind me,” Eddie groans. “I got grounded for a month because you led my parents to believe I’d be stupid enough to have a folder for porn on the family’s computer and made a message pop up every time that the folder was overloaded and created a system error.”

“Yeah. That was a masterpiece,” Buck sniggers. “But anyway. If that didn’t cancel our friendship, I think we’re fairly good with all this here.”

“Then I’m glad. When you fled the scene, I got kind of worried.”

Buck shrugs. “You know me. I’m a whirlwind of emotions, so I thought it’d be best if I took the time to cool down.”

“That was definitely not how you went about it before,” Eddie argues.

And Buck can’t argue with that. Back in the day, Buck just let the storms rage, never minding the consequences. On the job, that’s still how he rolls, but it was also how he talked, how he presented himself. After he got to meet the Diaz family, he stopped hiding a lot of things. He screamed when he felt like screaming and he cried when he was sad. He laughed when he was happy. And sometimes he even cried because he was that happy, but he learned that this was okay. Abuela always told him this and he took it to heart.

At least for as long as I could.

“Which is why I’m working on it. But anyway! Enough of me. Tell me about you. How long have you been in L.A.? What got you here?” Buck asks. Judging by the look on Eddie’s face, his transition of topics is not nearly as smooth as he’d want it to be, but Eddie rolls with it anyway.

“I moved here only shortly, for the job,” he says. “Before that, I was working some odd jobs. Before that, Afghanistan.”

Buck winces. “Shit.”

“Yeah, that’s one way of describing it. After I came back home injured, I couldn’t do this anymore. I had to set priorities differently, and somehow… I ended up in L.A.”

“Fresh start.” Buck nods his head. There is still so much to unravel in just those few sentences. Afghanistan. Injury. Priorities. Eddie tends to hide a lot more in his words, even more so when they are scarce. But for what it seems, he will now get the time to dig deeper. Because that is what Buck knows someone has to do in order to understand someone like Eddie Diaz.

“Yeah, exactly.”

“I get that feeling,” Buck says. “Los Angeles is great for that, worked out for Maddie and me, too.”

“We’ll have to drink a lot of beers to catch up on all those years we didn’t hear from each other to wind up having a fresh start in the same city.”

“Then it’s a date.”

Eddie wants to say something, but then his phone vibrates. “Sorry about that.”

Buck holds up his hands. “It’s fine.”

Eddie takes out his phone and checks his messages. Buck can see the instant shift in the other man’s demeanor. He knows that change like the back of his hand, even with years between where they parted ways and now crossed them again. Eddie’s shutting down.

“Hey, uhm, sorry, I gotta head out. It’s urgent,” he says, grabbing his wallet, clearly embarrassed and beat-up for having to leave so suddenly.

Some things don’t change, do they?

“Hey, it’s fine, man. We, ugh, we are stuck together now anyway, right? We’ll find enough time to catch up. It’s a date, after all,” Buck assures him. “Also, you’re not paying for the beer, unless you wanna pick a fight with me. Just go.”

Eddie smiles at him wryly. “Thanks. I’ll pay next round?”

“Sounds like a plan to me. Now off you go.”

“Sorry another time. I really gotta…”

“See you at work!”

“See ya!”

Buck manages to keep up the smile until the door shuts behind Eddie. His shoulders drop and he sucks in a deep breath. He pays for the beers and nearly flies out the door.

He makes for his car and climbs in. Buck realizes only now how badly his hands are shaking. Struggling for breath, he takes out his wallet again and fishes out that one crumpled piece of the past he carries with him whenever he’s not on the job, so to be sure it doesn’t get further damage.

Buck unfolds the faded photograph with shaky hands and presses it against his mouth, breathing hard against it. The tears keep coming, no matter how hard he tries to stop them. They are happy and sad. Desperate and relieved. Everything and nothing. And all that at the same time.

Eddie is back.

Eddie is back in his life, just like that, after the years it took him to accept he’d never see him again. That he’d moved on as he should have.

How do you rip off the band-aid or duct tape for that?

Or maybe that’s just the universe telling him that some things really can’t be fixed.

Because apparently, the universe is still mocking him.

[jimlingss]

Sugar and Coffee [1]

Chapter 1 - Chapter 2

➜ Words: 3.8k

➜ Genres: 99.5% Fluff, 0.5% Angst, Pâtisserie school!AU

➜ Summary: It isn't hard to be a pâtisserie chef, but it's not a piece of cake either. It seems like for you in particular, life keeps throwing in one wrench after another. It always finds ways to make your sweets bitter. The cherry on top is Jeon Jungkook — a rival with a sensitive sweet tooth who always finds ways to complain about you.

cr.

Baking is an art form. It takes more than just having ingredients and following a recipe. It’s the flavour, texture, taste, and the presentation. It’s knowing why when things go wrong and how to fix it. It’s knowing the right kinds of ingredients to pick, how much of each should be combined, what techniques and methods to use. Baking is therapy. Baking is scientific. It is art.   The ingredients are as follows: 

Fresh strawberries

Sponge cake

Sugar

Heavy cream

Vanilla extract

You slice the freshly washed strawberries into halves as the stand mixer whips the two cups of heavy cream and quarter cup of sugar into medium peaks. Once you’ve got your components prepared, you slice the cooled sponge cake into two layers and set the bottom layer on a cake board on the turning cake table. You spread the whipped cream evenly with an offset spatula and layer the strawberries with cream on top.    Afterwards, you place the other sponge cake on top and repeat the process.   You finish the shortcake with strawberries on top for decorative purposes and pipe flowers with a twelve inch piping bag.   “Very well done! Everyone give a round of applause for Y/N’s shortcake demonstration.”   The teacher claps and the students around the counter follow suit. “Now it’s time for the real test.”   She begins slicing the cake into pieces, but you’re not nervous whatsoever. You know you did a great job and your strawberry shortcake is worthy of salivating over. And as expected, while your classmates take careful bites and allow the flavour to linger on their tongue, there’s nothing but praise.   “Wow, the sponge cake is so soft and moist.”   “The cream is so smooth.”   “It’s so fluffy.”   “It’s melting in my mouth.”   Even the teacher is nodding as she eats. But of course—   “Isn’t it too sweet?”   Jeon Jungkook has his brows deeply furrowed with a soured expression like he bit into a fucking lemon. His fork is cleaned but he puts the utensil down with a noisy clank, not wanting another bite.    A muscle in your cheek twitches.   “Didn’t you say that last time?”   “Yeah.” He shrugs. “But you didn’t follow my advice. Obviously.”   “Maybe you just have sensitive teeth, Jonhson.”   “I don’t,” Jungkook deadpans, not appreciating how you pretend that you don’t know his name.   “I don’t see anyone else complaining.”   “Because they’re too nice to. If you can’t take criticism, then there’s nothing I can do, Y/N.”   There are eyes flickering around. This happens often enough that no one’s particularly surprised, but there’s still bated breath held amongst your classmates.    You open your mouth to retort. But the teacher eats with a thoughtful look, and then nods. “You’re right, Jungkook. You could lessen the sugar just a tad, Y/N. The strawberries are quite sweet this time around. Just goes to show that ingredients might always change, everyone!”   “Okay.” You force a smile. “I’ll make a note of it.”   “Alright class, now that we saw the demonstration, off you go! Watch that whipping cream! It shouldn’t be soft or hard peaks!”   Everyone turns to leave, but your glare connects with Jeon’s until he turns around all the way.    No matter what you make — Jeon Jungkook always complains that it’s too sweet.    He’s a fucking ass.   “What was up with that?” There are audible murmurs behind you. “I thought they were going to fight.”   “In the kitchen? No. Maybe outside — but you know how it is.”   “They still hate each other over the September incident?”   “Well Jeon almost got Y/N expelled….”   You turn around and once they realize they’ve been caught gossiping, they look away with big eyes and they quicken their hands. “So, uh, pass me the cream!”   “Y-Yeah.”   The teacher brings your attention back as she finishes marking the rubric. “Thanks for doing that demonstration for the whole class, Y/N. Job well done as usual. Just lessen the sweetness and you’re good to go.”   You’re given ninety five percent. Full marks lost because of that asshat.    You hope he can feel your glare on his backside.   Eventually class ends and with your station all cleaned, hands washed, and apron put aside, you leave.    Outside of the room, is the most handsome man on the planet waiting for you. The person who you love wholeheartedly. The person you’re most excited to see. Your person.   He’s dressed in a white turtleneck sweater that you got him last year for his birthday, black jeans, and that baby blue trench that’s always soft to the touch. His dark hair is brushed and he’s leaning against the wall casually. But the glimmer in his sheepish eyes betrays the nonchalant exterior he tries to put on.   And the corner of his plump lip pulls into a tender smile.   “Hey—oof!”   Laughter bubbles out of Seokjin’s mouth and his arms wrap around your frame after you quite literally leaped onto him. You barely manage to pull away from the man, having the strongest urge to stick to him forever.   “I missed you.”   You pout and he grins. “Missed you too, sweetheart.”   You lean in to kiss your boyfriend silly. He holds you by your waist and you greet his plump, soft lips that makes you melt in a chaste peck. After a moment, you break away and he wraps an arm around your shoulder. “Should we go?”   “Yeah.” Your steps sync together. “You won’t believe what happened to me today.”   “What happened? Tell me.”   The pair of you walk down the corridor together as the rest of the class continues to spill out. There are girls who caught sight of the heartwarming interaction and they hold their books to their chest as they sigh wistfully.    “God, I’m so jealous. I want to be in love too. When am I going to get a boyfriend?”   “At this rate, never.”   “Hey! Rude!”   “I’m kidding!” She giggles. “You just won’t get someone like Seokjin.”   “Let’s be real, no one is gonna get someone like Seokjin — he’s just...perfect.”   “They’re such a good couple, aren’t they? They’re gonna have such pretty…” Their voices fade, but Jungkook exits and hears their commentary. He turns to steal a glance at your backside down the hall.   Jungkook scoffs audibly.   “What?” Taehyung catches up to his best friend and swings an arm over his shoulder. The same-height brunette follows his line of sight and hums. “Jealous you’re not in a relationship?”   “As if. It’s just pathetic, is all.” Jungkook looks away and they make their own way to the dining hall.   “You really handed it to Y/N today.” Taehyung grins mischievously. “Like damn. I didn’t think her cake was half-bad. But you’re not scared it’s gonna come bite you in the ass, Kook? Y/N’s gonna hammer you down when it’s your turn for demonstration.”   “So what? Like she knows what she’s even doing.”   “Are you sure about that? She seems pretty decent at what she does to me.”   “Decent isn’t good enough,” he says blankly. “She thinks she’s the shit but she came here to follow her boyfriend.”   Taehyung whistles. “You still mad over September?”   “She just irks me. Always has.”   “Right, didn’t you guys go to high school together? You, Jin and her…”   “We never talked. Whatever, it’s not worth talking about and wasting our time. Hey, what’s on the menu for lunch?”   “You tell me. Jimin never texts us what’s new today. Dude just eats and then goes.”   “What class does he even have right now?”   “Bakery safety and sanitation.”   Jungkook grins, remembering just how nightmarish that class was. “Rip.”   The two of them turn the corner, moving the opposite way from you and Seokjin, and the hallway empties out. 

Anxiousness boils at the pit of your stomach. Today’s the day you’ve been waiting for ever since you found out your application was accepted into the institution and you were successfully enrolled. Whatever results appear, it might dictate where you’re headed in the near and far future. The experience that you gain in these two years will pave the path to your career after all.   “It’s today?” Moonbyul puts down her spoon. “Isn’t the paid internship in May? It’s only November.”   “The posting went up for us in November too,” Hani pipes up past a mouthful of eggs. “Remember?”   “Did it? It was so long ago, I forgot.”   “It was only last year.” Sandeul rolls his eyes. “You haven’t gotten that old.”   “I sure feel like it.”   “Well if anything, you sure look like it.”   “Umm, excuse me?”   “Okay, okay, guys,” Your boyfriend interrupts with a laugh. “You’re freaking out Y/N even more.”   They mutter apologies, but you smile. In an attempt to calm yourself down, you ask, “Where did you guys end up going?” After all, they’re a year ahead of you and they’ve been through the entire process. Any advice is helpful advice at this point.   “Sandeul and I got hired by a hotel,” Hani says, “The Marriott. It was a pretty sweet gig, kind of tough though. Out of the entire class, I think five of us went there in total, so we were pretty lucky that we knew each other. It was long hours, but I learned a lot.”   Sandeul scoffs. “Can’t say I did.”   “When do you ever learn?” Moonbyul bites back.   “My internship was at a private club,” Ken recalls, interjecting as the two of them argue again. “But all I baked was bread all day. It was awful.”   “Oh god.” You look to Seokjin. “What if I have to bake bread all day? I hate yeast.”   Jin laughs and he lifts his thumb to affectionately swipe at the corner of your mouth, getting the spaghetti sauce off your skin where you missed. “You’ll be fine. Promise. You’ll probably get hired at a catering company like I did. Or maybe a pastry shop.”   “God, I hope so.”   “Which did you apply to?” Hani asks, playing with her noodles.   “Just a bunch of them. Restaurants, catering companies, shops. I applied to I think ten.”   “Oh, you should be fine then.”   “But I heard sometimes they put you in ones you didn’t apply for.”   “That rarely happens. Don’t worry about it.” She bats the air with her hand, easing your worries a little more.   Your boyfriend smiles warmly. “See? Told you so.”   You nod and check the time. It’s five minutes to noon. And with that realization, you get up. “We should go.”   “Don’t they email you?” Sandeul asks, pulling himself away from his argument with Moonbyul and ignoring whatever half-hearted and playful insult she throws his way.   “Yeah, but the physical posting gets put up faster.” You’re jittery, hopping on both feet and Jin chuckles before he gets up too, taking your food tray and his to dump into the trash.   They wish you all the luck you need and you’re off with Seokjin by your side.   You’re excited and afraid, not exactly sure what to expect. You just hope you get your internship by the same catering company as the one Seokjin had. They liked him enough that they’ve ensured him a position after he graduates. If they hire you too and you do well enough, they’ll hire you back and you’ll get to work with him. It would be absolutely perfect.   You can already imagine it. A small apartment in the city. Working together. Coming home together. There’s not a better plan out there.   The hallway is crowded with lots of people pushing past to look at the posting. There are loud conversations, eager claps and cheers, to disappointed sighs and whines.    “Wait here, okay?” You turn to Jin, not wanting him to be stepped on or pushed by the crowd.    “I’ll be right here.” He squeezes your hand before letting go.    And you push past the horde of students. “Excuse me, excuse me. Sorry…”   “Aw man, I have my internship at a grocery store?! This sucks.” — “The hell is Dog World.” — “Oh my god, oh my god! I got into the East Wood Country Club! Fuck yes!”   Finally, you stumble out of the crowd to the very front. The list is grouped together by locations and you search your name on the paper posting. After an antagonizing minute, you find it. “Kim’s…..Wedding Cake Company….”   Blood drains from your face. It runs cold.   Jeon Jungkook is coming with you.   //   You stomp your foot and cross your arms. You’ve been pouting for the past hour. But you can’t help the distress — not when you were still unable to comprehend it. It was the worst news on Earth. You thought your eyes were wrong, that maybe the posting or printer made a mistake, but the email wasn’t any different either.   “I can’t believe I have to go with that jerk! It’s all ruined!”   “I know, baby.” Seokjin pouts with you, sympathizing with your situation. He pulls you in to plant a kiss at the top of your head. “But you’ll be okay. Promise.”   The way he says it calms your nerves, but that doesn’t mean you still aren’t frustrated to no end.   There was only one paid internship to be done. One that was supposed to pave your way, help with the rest of your career, teach you things that couldn’t be learned through lectures and classroom work. But your one shot is destroyed. In shambles. What should be a fantastic experience is going to be a dreadful one.   Why did things never go right for you?   “I just….I just really wanted to be hired at your company.” You look up at him, eyes stinging and glossy with tears that threaten to shed.    Your plans are ruined.   “It’s okay. You can always apply after graduation.”    “I know.” You sigh. “But of all people, why him?”   A few hours later, the pair of you catch up with your friends at the dining center for dinner, and they quickly notice the way you’re not necessarily jumping for joy, but rather grieving. “Not...good news, I presume?”   Moonbyul gasps. “Did you not get hired anywhere-OW!” She rubs the spot where Sandeul smacked the back of her head for being tactless.   “It’s not that,” you reassure them with a small smile. “My internship is at Kim’s Wedding Cake Company.”   Ken’s eyes are enlarged. “Oh shit.”   “Wedding cakes?!” Hani sharply inhales. “That’s brutal.”   “No, it’s not that either. I don’t mind. It’s just…” You steal a glimpse at your boyfriend. For one, you wanted to go where he went and secondly— “I’m with Jeon Jungkook.”   “Who?” Ken asks, brows furrowing.   “You know, the black haired kid,” Moonbyul says in an attempt to jog his memory.   But the man’s impassive expression doesn’t waver or alter. “You literally described at least a quarter of the population.”   “The one that looks like a rabbit, you idiot.” Hani makes grand gestures. “The deer-looking fellow. You know, the cute one.”   “Right!” He snaps his fingers, as if that was enough to remember him by.   You shake your head. “He’s not cute. He’s an ass. Steer clear territory.”   “Can’t you steer clear from him?” Sandeul asks before he slurps up his carbonara and then chews in his cheek. “There’s like what— four or five kids coming with you? You can probably avoid him if you wanted to.”   “No.” It dawns on you just how bad the circumstances are. “Apparently only two of us are going there. At least I didn’t see anyone else assigned to that place. It’s only going to be just him and I.”   “Yikes.”   “Not helping, Hani.” Seokjin gives her a look that makes her sheepish and mumble an apology. “It’s not going to be that bad.” He reaches for your hand underneath the table, a private place without the prying eyes of his friends. “It’s only for three months and it’s during summer. It won’t happen for quite some time.”   “Yeah.” You squeeze your hand tenderly with his.    It’s wondrous how effective Seokjin’s reassurance is. You feel like there’s no reason for you to be afraid, for you to dread the inevitability. He makes you feel like you could take on anything.   All plans have their obstacles. Maybe this is just yours. Things always have a way of working out after all. You’ll get your experience, do your internship without talking to him, and then apply where Jin will be working after. You just have a feeling — call it your intuition — that it’ll work out.   //   But you’re still somewhat unsettled. You wonder if there’s a way you could switch. At least it wouldn’t hurt to take your chances and ask, then you knew you tried and did all you could. So with a hopeful heart, you approach the office area and open the door. The secretary is gone from her desk, maybe gone to take a bathroom or coffee break, so you take a seat in the waiting area.   One second passes before you overhear a familiar voice that you’ve grown to detest.   “—don’t see how I’m qualified at all! I haven’t even learned about wedding cakes yet!” The frustration is tangible. “It’s a course for next year!”   “Then you’ll get a head start from your classmates, Jungkook.”   There’s an audible sigh and his voice becomes calmer. “Miss. Kang, please. I just don’t understand how I could be put in something I didn’t even apply for.”   “What do you want to do, Jungkook?”   “Pardon?”   “What is it that you want to do after you’ve gotten your diploma?”   “I want to be a chocolatier.” There’s a pause. “A Master Chocolatier. I want to compete in The World Chocolate Masters. That’s why I applied for Oliver’s and Tokyo Confectionery. Spending my time and my internship at a place that does chocolate is important to me. Not wedding cakes.”   “Well, you’re lucky then. I personally know the couple that runs Kim’s Wedding Cake Company. They’re good friends of mine and the man who runs the place with his wife is actually a chocolatier. He studied in Paris and has been in the industry for more than ten years. I feel like you could learn a lot from him, Jungkook. Remember, it’s not the place you go to, but the mentor that you have. Think it over. Give it a few days. If you still have concerns, we can talk about it.”   Jungkook huffs in exasperation and grabs his bag. He mutters a reluctant ‘thank you’ before leaving the office. He doesn’t take one look back but on his way out, he catches you staring straight at him in the waiting area. His steps slow but then he scoffs, looks away and walks out.   When you get a chance to talk to the lady organizing internships, it’s brief — she apologizes and tells you there’ll be no changes made. There’s no arguing, you know that much. Not when Jungkook quite literally tried every desperate plea in the book.   You end up leaving and at the same exact time, Jungkook exits the men’s locker area, changed back into his regular attire. The two of you nearly bump heads, running into each other.   “Are you following me?” he flat out asks when your eyes meet.   You raise a brow, freezing in the middle of the hallway. “Excuse me?”   “Are you following me,” he repeats with a sharp tongue, obviously still peeved over his previous interaction with Miss. Kang. But you don’t know why he’s putting it on you and making such outlandish accusations. There was absolutely no limit to his cockiness.   “Get your head out of your ass, Johnson. I don’t have the time or day to follow you around.”   “Then what are you doing here?”   “I don’t think I need to tell you where I am or what I do.”   “Whatever.” Jungkook rolls his eyes and brushes past you.   But you turn onto your heel and shout after him—   “Do you really think you’ll make it?”   “What?” He shifts around to glare. His thick brows are knitted, mouth downturned.   “Do you really think you’ll make it as a chocolatier?” You meet his eye and a smirk pulls on your features. A rush of air leaves your nose in a snort. “You? Really? You want to compete in The World Chocolate Masters? That’s cute.”   “At least I have actual ambitions and goals and I’m not here for the sake of my boyfriend.”   “Excuse me? What are you trying to say?”   “Don’t play dumb and act like you didn’t follow your little boyfriend here.”   “You don't know anything about me, Jeon.”   “I don’t? I know that you’re not passionate about baking, that’s for sure. Otherwise, you wouldn’t have fucking stolen—”   “Fuck you,” you spit. “I didn’t.”   “Yeah right.” Jungkook scoffs. “Get real, Y/N.”   He gets the last word. Jeon Jungkook turns around, walking away with his bag slung over his shoulder. You shout insults after him but he ignores it, making you look like the fool.   Tears sting your eyes and your teeth grit. He’s an asshole through and through. You don’t know why you even bother wasting your breath.    If Seokjin was the most patient, kindest person and the person that you love the most — then Jeon was the complete opposite. You will forever detest his very being.   //   Your hand is squeezed and you’re brought out of your thoughts.   “Babe? What’s wrong?”   You look to your boyfriend. That’s right — you love him and this man loves you. There’s nothing else that could ever matter more than this. “Nothing. I just had...a really long day today.”   Seokjin stops walking and spreads open his arms wide. He gestures to you. “Come here.”   A smile pulls into your features and you jump into him. Jin laughs, stumbling back as you cuddle into his chest. His arms wrap securely around your frame, shielding you from the cold, from the darkness of the night.   You feel safe.   “I love you.”   He hums and kisses the top of your head. You’re beginning to feel better already.

[mcfiddlestan]

Fic Writer Questions

I'm bored and this was in a note on my phone from forever ago, so I must have been tagged at some point. Apologies to whoever tagged me. 🥴

1) How many works do you have on AO3?

52. Though, I used to have a few more. I deleted a few fics some years ago bc I hated that they were just sitting there unfinished. I was going through a particularly brutal bout of writer's block that affected both my fic writing and my RP writing.

2) What's your total AO3 word count?

720,782. And I was stressing about a 30-page thesis. 😂 (which ended up being over 15,000 words)

3) How many fandoms have you written for and what are they?

I started writing fic in 2000 with *NSYNC, Christina Aguilera, and Backstreet Boys fics. I stopped writing a bit around 2004-2007 (because of a stupid boy) and picked it up again in 2012 after reading some awesome Cherik fics and wanting to write my own FrostIron College AU when I read one that was good, but kind of disturbing. I think I write for one fandom -- Marvel -- but, like different factions of it. FrostIron and WinterFrost mostly, with a dash of Stucky, ThunderFrost, DashingFrost, and WinterIron.

4) What are your Top 5 fics by kudos?

Black Light Special (WinterFrost) - 628 kudos

Can I Bum A Ride? (WinterFrost) - 425 kudos

Empire State of Mind (FrostIrom) - 420 kudos

Dark Side (FrostIron) - 398 kudos

A Worthy Collection (FrostIron) - 309 kudos

5) Do you respond to comments, why or why not?

I really do make an effort to respond to every single comment, even the not-so-nice ones. I want people to know I've seen and read the comment they took the time to post, so even if I just thank them for reading and commenting, I respond.

6) What's the fic you've written with the angstiest ending?

Considering it features two -- count 'em, two! -- major character deaths, it's definitely Empire State of Mind. Though, I'd argue Dark Side is a pretty close second.

7) What's the fic you've written with the happiest ending?

Probably Ghosts That We Knew. It was the final fic in the trilogy that is the Picture Perfect Series. It follows Loki and Tony from when they meet in college and ends 30+ years later.

8) Do you write crossovers? If so, what is the craziest one you've written?

No, not really. And I rarely, if ever, read them. There's no real reason behind it other than I've just never come upon one and thought "ooh I need to read that."

9) Have you ever received hate on a fic?

Yes. I got a lot of hateful messages after I completed Empire State of Mind. People were really angry at me for killing off two major characters. I mean, a lot of the messages were "omg I hate you but I loved this!" kind of vibe. But there were a few that cussed me out and called me names for writing it.

I had some chapters of a Fools Rush In FrostIron AU posted a while ago, in which Loki was a female, the only daughter in both the Odinson and Laufeyson families. Following the storyline of the Matthew Perry/Salma Hayek movie, Loki meets Tony Stark in a bar and gets pregnant from a one night stand. Anyway, I got a lot of messages telling me that Odin's misogyny and mistreatment of Loki was unrealistic -- even though I had literally modeled his behavior after the movie that inspired it. 🤷🏽

I have some prompts done for the 100 Ways to Say ILY writer's block challenge and for one of them, I borrowed the storyline from an episode of Will & Grace when Will's father dies of a heart attack after they have a bad argument where his father basically admits he wished Will wasn't gay so he could have had an easier life. In the epsiode, the fight starts because Will's parents gift his baby blanket to Grace, who is pregnant with her ex-husband's child. Will takes offense, they don't understand why bc he never mentioned wanting children, and a fight ensues. Similarly, in my fic, Frigga and Odin offer a pregnant Natasha (his BFF) Loki's blanket. Some readers did not like this and did not understand why I would write it. In another prompt, one that was literally how my last relationship ended, got some harsh critiques. Those ones hurt especially bc it was such a personal experience I wrote about.

And I actually got into a fight -- like a screaming match -- IRL with my best friend's boyfriend at the time. One of my bestie's friends asked about my fanfiction and I gave them the gist of one of my stories where Loki has a brief relationship with Sif that results in a child and later reconnects with Tony. Later on, Sif offers to be a surrogate for Tony and Loki and eventually births three more children for them. Bestie's boyfriend could not fathom why a woman would purposely get herself impregnated and then give the child away. I tried to explain that this was a thing that a lot of women did IRL -- and some don't even use their own eggs, but the eggs of a woman who cannot conceive; Sif used her own eggs so that all four children were half related (two by Loki, two by Tony). But he just did not believe me and told me I must not be a very good writer. Worst night of my life.

10) Do you write smut?

I was just telling @teadrinkingwolfgirl the other night how when I first started writing fic I did not write sex scenes. It was always inferred or glossed over. When I started writing again in 2012, for FrostIron, it was my first time writing more detailed sex. I cite Jackie Collins as my smut-writing mentor. I've written almost exclusively M/M smut.

11) Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I know of.

12) Have you ever had a fic translated?

Yes! Which is like the best thing ever! A couple of my older fics have been translated to Russian. I have one *NSYNC fic that was made into an audio fic. And someone recently messaged me on ff*net to ask to translate as many of my fics as they can to Spanish. :D

13) Have you ever co-written a fic before?

No, not technically. I've gotten a lot of prompts and ideas from friends and mutuals, and I started reformatting my WinterFrost RP with my ex from 2014-2015 into novel form a while ago. That's tecnically the only thing I've written with someone else and published.

14) What's your all time favorite ship?

I have two that will always, ALWAYS, have my heart and attention. FrostIron (Tony Stark/Loki) and WinterFrost (Bucky Barnes/Loki). They are the two ships that I write the most, read the most, and seek out fanart for the most.

15) What's a WIP that you want to finish but don't think you ever will?

Probably The Flame. It's a fic that starts out ThunderFrost (not related; Asgardian Prince Thor semi-rescues an imprisoned Jotun Prince Loki) but eventually ends up FrostIron. It's the only fic I've ever written that features Loki with both male and female biology. I have a few chapters done but I haven't worked on it in years.

16) What are your writing strengths?

I like to think I write realistic relationships. And I think my dialogue is also realistic and easy to grasp. And I put a lot of humor in between all the angst and hurt.

17) What are your writing weaknesses?

I think I get too detailed with background. I just reread my Picture Perfect series (which I do like once a year), and there are literal paragraphs of background that in Google Docs is like pages and pages. But I want to make sure people understand my characters! LOL

18) What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

I'm a big fan of it. I featured a lot of Norwegian in the Picture Perfect series. And French. I think as long as it flows with the storytelling and it's not forced on the characters it can be really cool. It should be natural. I always leave a translation list at the end of the chapter or explain in-text what was said. Which I think most authors I've read do.

19) What was the first fandom you wrote for?

The Backstreet Boys. LOL. Don't judge. I started writing my own fics after discovering BSB fanfiction written by an author named Mistress Lynz. She wrote a lot of fics about bloodletting, but I really enjoyed the fics where the guys were hooking up with each other behind the scenes, LOL explains why I write mostly M/M now. 😂

20) What's your favorite fic you've written?

They're kind of like my babies so at different times different ones are my faves. But if I really had to pick one, I would say Stay With Me is my favorite. I got some of the most amazing comments on this story from people that found meaning and themes in the story that I didn't even realize I'd put in there. It was one of my first WinterFrost fics I'd posted and the response was more than I could have asked for.

And now I have to tag people! @teadrinkingwolfgirl @incredifishface @incubigirl @rabentochter @marvelswinterfrost and whoever else feels up to it.

xoxo

[all1e23]

Between the Stars [Prologue]

Pairings: Past!Steve x Reader, Bucky x  Reader

Summary:  Struggling with the death of your husband, you find comfort in someone unexpected.

Series warnings: CHARACTER DEATH. Grief. Overall sadness. Depression. It’s pretty angsty if I’m being honest. Things mellow out as the series goes on. 

A/N:  It’s a military AU which I forgot to mention because I’m an ass. Starting you out with some seriously sad shit right out of the gate. I am sorta sorry. Sorta not. @teamcap4bucky​ Read a preview and responded with “fucking, fuck you” so that should give you an idea of what you’re going into. There is a lot of angst but it’s not gratuitous. It’s purposeful and shows the ups and downs of grief and moving on. I think I grabbed everyone’s tags if not shoot me a message. If you like it write a book report, sing me a song or come scream at me. 

***My fics are not to be saved or posted on any other sites without my written permission. Reblogs are my jam, though! Thanks!****

“I’m serious, Y/n.”

“Okay,” You mocked teasingly. “You’re serious.”

Steve growled, teasing smile curling up the edge of his lips despite the frustration in his eyes. He gripped your waist and pulled you away from his duffle, ignoring your yelp of protest and settling you on his lap. His pants scratched the back of your bar legs. You hated those stupid pants, they were stiff and uncomfortable. They made him look like someone you didn’t know. Or, at least someone you didn’t want to know. 

Your fingers find the soft, worn fabric of the ugly tan shirt he had to wear — Army regulation or not, it was still ugly. The fabric twisted around your fingers, pulling it from his pants, ruining his pristine appearance. Maybe if his shirt was wrinkled, he would get in trouble and not have to go. It was unlikely. He had a unit to command, but a frightened wife could dream, couldn’t she? 

This was the fourth deployment the two of you have gone through together. The stupid support groups were all liars. It didn’t get easier after the first, it got harder. You knew the risks before, but now you understood, really understood what they meant. Things became second nature that shouldn’t be second nature for anyone. Like turning your television on in the morning, to see if there would be a notification officer and chaplain knocking on your door within the next eight hours. Every night that passes without a call leaves you wondering if the last time you spoke would truly be the last. 

It leaves you panicked. Did you say I love you enough? Did he say it to you? Will you ever be lucky enough to hear it one more time? 

But then the call comes, and everything is right for the twenty minutes you get to hear his voice. 

The sparks are gone just as fast as he is. 

“Hey,” Steve’s voice had lost the hard, playful edge. It was soft. The softness he used when he tried to coax you awake in the morning, or when Steve spilled the secrets hidden within that generous heart of his — the same gentleness Steve used whenever he told you he loved you.

A roughened index finger tapped under your chin and tilted your head up from where it was hiding in his neck. 

“I meant what I said. This is the last one. I’m done after this.” 

It was that time again. Re-enlisting. You knew Fury had attempting to convince Steve to stay and true to his word Steve would shake his head and end the conversation before they ever got far. The Army could be persuasive, though. 

“You really think they will let you go?” 

Steve cupped your cheek and tightened his hold on your hip, tugging you securely onto his lap, so your legs hung off one side. “They won’t have much choice. I’ve given them all I can give them.” 

“B-But--” 

Steve leaned in and swallowed your broken protests in a gentle kiss. You didn’t have time for more, so it was nothing salacious, but his lips lingered far longer than they should if you were in public. Thankfully, you were still home and could savor the feel of his lips. The cool air hit your barely swollen lips, and you shuddered, immediately wishing he would kiss you again. You wanted to keep that warmth for just a little longer. 

“No buts. Do you trust me, Y/n?” 

You searched his eyes, bright, full of hope and vulnerable like they always were when he looked at you. 

“With my life. You know, I do.” 

Steve grinned, and if you weren’t already in love with him, you would be falling fast. 

“I promise you, Y/n. This is it. My last tour and then I’m all yours. We can do everything we said we would and finally start a family.” 

You could feel your eyes burning from tears; you refused to let fall. Steve brushed a kiss under your right eye, letting you know it was okay to let them fall if you wanted. 

“Do you really promise? This is the last time?” You finally whispered. 

“I do. There’s nothing that could keep me from coming to you. Fifteen months, baby. I just need you to hang on for fifteen months.” 

You huffed a watery laugh and wiped those insolent tears away. “I can wait fifteen months for you. I’d wait forever, Steve.” 

—

“—Steven Grant Rogers. A man who was devoted to his country and his lovely wife—” 

You blinked several times, your eyes focused on the dark wood five feet in front of you, and the words all ran together in your ears. You didn’t need to hear the kind of man your husband is. You knew. You knew how kind and selfless and courageous he is—he was. 

A cool breeze ruffled up the edges of your black dress and left you with a chill buried deep in your bones, one that would never leave you. At least the weather had behaved. There was no rain, the sun was glowing through what little clouds were nearby. It was the kind of day Steve would have called perfect. There was nothing perfect about today, no matter how brightly the damn sun insisted on shining. You had briefly thought of having the service inside some church somewhere, but neither of you attended enough while he was living to make that an option. Sarah had argued with you, they wouldn’t care about that. No one would judge you or ask you to leave, sweetheart. Deep down, you knew that. It simply didn’t feel like Steve, and you wanted his last moments with you to be him. 

Finally, you settled on the park where you met all those years ago, where he proposed, and under the tree where you vowed to love him forever seemed like the only right place to say goodbye. You don’t know how but between Sam and Nat, they found a way to make it happen. You assumed some strings were pulled, favors called in that you could never repay. 

At least Steve came home to you. 

Even if it wasn’t the way, he promised to come home to you.  

You can’t help but glance to your left, Sam was standing there in his dress uniform, shoulders squared and face blank. If you didn’t know him so well, you would think he was simply another soldier paying respects to Captain Rogers. You knew his tells. That clenched jaw, the tightened fists, and the slow, deep breaths he took every few minutes as if he has scheduled them out. Sam’s hand startled you when it reached yours, his fingers threading with your own. He wasn’t supposed to do that, and as if he could read your mind, his shoulder shrugged, and the faintest smirk appeared. 

It was nice, but you couldn’t help but feel like something— someone was missing. 

“Why didn’t Bucky come?” 

You should be quiet, but your silence wouldn’t change who you were burying today or the fact that you were going home alone tonight and every night from here on out. Keeping quiet wouldn’t change that you will never get to kiss or hold your husband again. Everyone in attendance will go back home to their spouses tonight, they get to leave and breathe a sigh of relief because it wasn’t them. They will go home to hold their loved ones and whisper how they won’t ever leave them the way Steve left you and make promises for more because they still have a future where promises and more exist. 

So, if anyone had a problem with your whispers, they could go to hell. 

“He needed to stay with the rest of the unit,” Sam whispered, tightening his hold on your hand for some reason you weren’t sure of. You’ve already heard the worst. You doubt anything Sam said at this point could hurt you. “Someone had to stay behind, and he thought it would be better for guys and… for you.” 

Turned out you were wrong. 

You ignored the pinching in your chest and turned back to face the preacher, your concession to Sarah though it still felt a little off. Part of you had hoped Bucky would be there to help with everything, so when the plane landed a few days before, you had been surprised to see Sam had escorted Steve back home instead of Bucky. Not because they weren’t close or because Steve didn’t love Sam like a brother. He absolutely did, but it’s always been Steve and Bucky for as long as anyone could remember. You found it hard to believe Bucky wouldn’t put up a fight to be here for goodbye.

The casket flag was slowly pulled from atop the casket, and dizziness hit you. It was nearly over. You felt your eyes fall closed, and the voices around you faded away. Everything blurred. You didn’t want this. None of this was fair. You were supposed to have forever, and now you had nothing. It wasn’t supposed to go this way. He promised. Steve promised, and he didn’t break promises! 

Especially ones made to you.

“Sam?” You whispered.

You took a deep breath and opened your eyes. They were on the 8th fold. Each fold took another piece of you, just another chip of whatever was left of the person you were. Whoever that girl was, the moment that flag was in your hands, you knew you would never be that girl again. 

“Yeah?” 

“I don’t think I can do this.” You whimpered as a few tears began to fall. 

“I’ll go with you—” 

“No, I can’t do this… go on alone. Without him. I can’t—I just can’t.” 

“You’re not alone, Y/n. We are all here for you for as long as you need.” 

Everyone but Bucky.

A man you didn’t recognize, a nameless face approached you, thirteen folds between his hands, a tiny crooked hat made out of stars and stripes. Strange how something only a little bigger than your purse, could destroy the rest of your life. The man stood stoically and met your eyes as he repeated what you were sure was a well-rehearsed line he practiced many times. 

“On behalf of the President of the United States, the United States Army, and a grateful Nation, please accept this flag as a symbol of our appreciation for your loved one’s honorable and faithful service.”

You wished it could do something to ease to the ache. They were hollow words that meant nothing. Through the haze that had fallen over you, taking away the sun and the clouds, you must have reached out with shaking hands because Sam stepped forward to help support the newly added weight, guiding it into your arms. You clutched the flag against your chest, holding on to all you had left of your husband. You squeezed your eyes shut and prayed to whoever would listen, Please let me wake up now. Please, please let this be a nightmare.

No savior was coming; it wasn’t a dream, and Steve was never coming home. 

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