#halloween in new england is weird

[disappearinginq]

Went to something called Scream Fest at our local-ish amusement park, which involved a haunted house or four.

Accidentally got an actor to break character because I wasn't looking at her face but at her dress and immediately yelled "oh my GOD, I love your dress!" (neon glow in the dark polka dots in 40's vintage style) And she did a quick "thanks, it has pockets!" demo swish, and that's when I realized she was missing half her face (make up) and tried to apologize for fucking up the vibe and that's when our group got run over by a bunch of teens that were being pursued by a ventriloquist doll.

[inkskinned]

for the longest time my family used to host one of the biggest haunted houses on my block: elaborate, themed amateur haunts that pearled out along our lawn for one-night-only. spinning circus wheel-of-terrors and walkthrough alien crash-landings and spiders that arched over our driveway, leaking venom onto your feet.

we didn't have a lot of money; and honestly i don't know how we afforded what we did have. there were not going to be pneumatics or projectors or any supply over 20 dollars - and even 20 was a stretch. we were lucky, and we lived in a town that had a "swap shed", where people would drop off any banged-up-but-usable items that they wanted to get rid of. the whole year, my family would pick over someone else's discarded fans and lights and weird decorations, asking each other - what do you think? for halloween?

we would strip the motors out of rusted fans and spraypaint vases and saw broom handles in half and apply a very thick coat of cardboard and duct tape to everything. for our pirate year, i made the mistake of individually drawing woodgrain onto each strip of cardboard that made up the ship. i then gently painted and distressed the "boards" so they'd each have lichen and cracks and unusual patterns. i hid eyes in the knots and shaped skulls. you couldn't see any of it in the dark, even under our "spotlight" (someone's target-branded workshop flashlight).

i have a lot of very strange skills as a result. i know how to make a flying ghost appear both physically and in the mirror. i know how to make a witch's brew that stirs itself. i know how to burn and cut and paint until there is an iron throne you can sit on, or an alien brushing your ankles, or a hearse trundling along. i can't say we ever made it beyond our local newspapers, but we tried so hard that the town would regularly shut down our street.

i can't put any of these skills on a resume, and i haven't been able to put them to use for a while. i live in an apartment, there's no lawn for me to decorate. for years i've wanted to do an alice in wonderland theme, and have been collecting ideas like coins in a fountain. at other houses, i am transfixed by 12 foot skeletons and paper mache spooky lanterns; easily wooed by the knowledge of how much time people put in.

someone asked me once - so what was the point? and why didn't you guys charge anything to show up?

in truth, we probably needed the money. for years there, we were a 1-meal-a-day kind of a family. i was being polite earlier up in this essay: we furnished both our house and our halloweens using things left a recycling center. we live in new england and still didn't turn on the heat until the end of november, no matter how low the temperature.

every year we would collect donations for unicef and other charities. on an average year, we would collect enough to pay for our food for weeks. every year, without fail: we donated every penny.

this endeavor took months to plan and design and execute. we had to organize any volunteers and check safety and hope-for-the-best. it took at least 24 hours to set up, a week to take down. the motors and fans and lights all had to be packed tight. the cardboard would scatter, pangea in the rain and sleet. i remember picking up a plank from that pirate ship, the paint blown clear off, all my hard work completely erased. a new kind of driftwood.

if this was a poem, and not a memory, i could wrap this up prettily. i could say that these skills landed me a cool job in the haunting industry or that it taught me the value of friendship and responsibility. but i actually think it's something better, something very pretty: there wasn't ever a moral to it.

the night was a long one. yes, there were assholes, people who broke stuff. but mostly it was just kids like us in cardboard costumes, dressed as an incredibly niche kind of truck. good parents who were friendly and laughing. teenagers who slunk in at late hours, wide-eyed and secretly delighted; who asked us can i help next year? like, do y'all take volunteers, or whatever? every year more people came, and told their friends, and offered to pay. and every year we said maybe next year and meant absolutely never.

we did it because it was enough to love something, and to make that love visible. we did it because there is very rarely an excuse to have fun. i think maybe especially, for me - we did it because every year, there was one first "customer" somewhere around 3-4PM, while we were still putting on the final touches. the sun would still be up, and we were frazzled and always-running-late, and these kids saw our vision unfinished in the bright light of day.

something about their parents murmuring say thank you and telling my mom this setup is so sweet while this little kid would grin up at us, dazzled by our artistic mediocrity. the fall air and the chill and their coat-over-a-panda-princess-costume. that first phrase of the night awkwardly managed over a pair of overly-large vampire teeth: a beautiful and excited trick or treat!

[johannestevans]

Where do I find the queer people?

Making friends and finding social & community spaces as an LGBTQ+ adult.

Originally published with Prism & Pen. Also on my Patreon.

Photo by Brett Sayles via Pexels.

A friend and I recently went to a Queer Open Mic night after I saw it advertised on the same afternoon. While we were on the way back, she asked about how I’d found it.

“I just feel like you always know loads of queer events that are on,” she said, “and I don’t know how to begin to find them.”

I sat down with her a few weeks later and showed her some of the ways I find events, regular or otherwise, and where I look for others — especially given that on social media in the past few days I’ve seen a few people talking about the difficulty of finding and meeting with new queer people when not online.

I thought it might be useful to put it together here.

It’s quite hard with the pressure on and elimination of many third spaces to go out and easily meet people, and given that most of us use a lot of online socials and dating apps, it can feel difficult to seek out and engage with in-person spaces without knowing exactly what the protocol or format of the event is going to be.

Especially given that many people are still more isolated than they were before the start of the Covid pandemic, and/or struggle with seeking out events for themselves having finished school or university or other more structured environments, there can be a lot of anxiety about attending events or meeting new people. But it’s worth it to remember that pretty much everyone else is in a similar spot, and there’s nothing weird or unusual about wanting to make friends or have social time with others.

I am based in the North of England and generally go between the UK and Ireland. So this guide might be less useful depending on where you are. Obviously, in countries with more repressive legislation on queer identity, community groups will by definition be far more underground. Even in areas where this isn’t the case, some of these suggestions might be more viable than others depending on how densely populated your area is, how accessible different venues and events are, and how active your local queer communities are. So, just take what’s good for you and leave the rest.

Finding Local Queer Community Groups

In your search engine, put in simple search terms — [queer] [group] in [my area].

If you can, narrow your search to websites updated in the last 6 months to 2 or 3 years — you’ll sometimes find a website from six or seven years ago where the events haven’t been running for half that when you were already excited about it.

Search your town, city, or county first, and then widen your search — I normally initially look for Bradford and Leeds respectively, but then might broaden my search to West Yorkshire or even North England depending on the time of year and if I’m more willing to travel for certain events, e.g. looking up summer events around Pride, or specific holiday events if you’re looking at Halloween, Christmas, New Year’s, etc.

Combine:

“Queer”, “LGBT” or “LGBTQ”, “Trans”, “Gay Men’s”, “Lesbian”, “Transgender”, “Transsexual”, “Gay Rights” or similar terms

With:

“Charity”, “Support Group”, “Social Space”, “Community Space”, “Meetup”, “Society”, and similar terms

Swap around the terms and find what language seems to be used in your area — remember that depending on the age group and demographic you’re looking at or for, there might be terms you prefer.

I personally search for a lot of gay men’s groups because the average age tends to be a lot older and focused more on the experiences and social spaces of men who love men rather than general queer spaces, which I find can be a bit too young and fast-paced for my speed.

In general, I find that there’s a loose separation between younger trans and queer social groups, which tend to be a mix of differing identities and ages but with a big emphasis on young adults in the 18–25 area, and then specific gay men’s or lesbians’ groups, which will have a wider swathe of ages and might be a little bit less online.

I understand the fear some people have of these spaces being more transphobic than younger spaces — that’s not personally been my experience, as transphobia and lateral bigotry might happen in any social space, but unfortunately, you just don’t know the specifics of an event or a group until you get there and actually meet and talk to the people.

Some charities or community groups that run a variety of spaces might have specific age or identity guidance on group titles — some might be particularly for younger or older people, be for trans people more than cis people, and some might focus on particular sub-communities, such as BIPOC queer groups or specific religious or ethnic meetups, disabled queer groups, etc.

You also might find meetups that are centred around certain hobbies, professions, or interests — boardgames or Magic the Gathering, Doctor Who or fantasy novels, medical professionals or blacksmiths, etc, depending on how big the area you’re in is and how populous it is.

If you are already a member of an institution or society, whether that’s your school or university, your union, some workplaces, your temple or other religious institution, etc, you might find that there are already events running for you!

Finding Queer Events Online

There are almost certainly queer events on, and they’re probably advertised, but where do you find them?

What’s annoying about the Internet as it exists, corporate online spaces and otherwise, is that most events will be posted in one or two spaces out of hundreds. The good ones will sometimes be hard to find because there’s a bunch of shitty advertising in the way, and because individuals and small charity or community advertisers don’t necessarily know about things like search engine optimisation or how to make a good, searchable post. There will be really cool events that are advertised online, but just aren’t tagged or easy to find.

This means that it’s worth looking often but keeping it casual — glancing through the top page for events that might be coming up or meet some keywords, but if most of what you see is ads, just leave it and move on. Digging through for the good events in busy areas that are also ad-heavy can take ages and might not even turn up much.

If you find socials for local community groups or charities, even if they don’t run events themselves, they might regularly share other local events or cool ones, so it can be worth following them!

Ditto for other queer people in your community — follow local artists, performers, academics, creators, public speakers, craftspeople, or any local community leaders or public figures, and see if they share and boost local events.

They might boost special interest events that are of interest to you if you follow people who share certain communities or interests. If, for example, you have an interest in lolita fashion and follow queer lolita dressers in your area or in areas you can travel to, they might post events that are of interest to them and maybe to you — whether that means specific lolita events, other clothing and fashion events like gothic or steampunk markets and shows, or even anime cons or renaissance faires or whatever.

Obviously searching on social media can help — looking for keywords like “queer event” or “LGBT social” on one site or other can be especially good if it’s a site where you can localise your search results, such as Facebook or Instagram.

With that said, Facebook and Instagram are increasingly difficult sites to use given how much they’re overwhelmed by sponsored and corporate posts as well as spam and bot posts. So, it’s generally worth it more when you focus on either events in smaller and limited areas, such as small towns, or when you’re looking for crossing over of different areas of interest, such as particular queer hobbyist or interest groups. When you start looking for broader spectrum events in a busier or more populous area, you can get inundated by spam and copy-and-paste duplicate ads that have all been promoted. But it’s still worth it to have a glance and see if anything is up at the top!

Sites and apps like Eventbrite or TicketSource, or equivalents in your area, will often let you search for specific events . As with social media, these sites can have the same problem of sponsored events coming up first, and annoyingly you can’t block particular event providers or organisers to make sure they don’t show in your search results if they’re not your thing.

Use every option that comes up and see if you can cross search where you can — pick a particular location or area, click on free or paid events, pick events at certain times, pick a certain kind of event, add in tags like LGBTQ or similar if it’s a site that allows it, etc.

If an event comes up that you like the idea of, note it down, then look the organizer up on social media and see if they run or share other events.

Looking for local tourism sites will let you search for other local events as well — especially if you live in a city or regularly visit one, they’ll often have a What’s On page or a Visit [Blank] website or equivalent, and you can search through that — most of them will have cultural events or a specific LGBTQ section you can glance through.

Here’s the Visit Bristol site, for example:

What’s On in Bristol — VisitBristol.co.uk Click here to find out What’s On in Bristol!…Get the latest information on the latest Events, Festivals, Carnivals…visitbristol.co.uk

For obvious reasons, sites like most of the above will focus on paid events, especially evening and party events. Pub quizzes, drag events, bingo nights, balls, drinks offers, parties, etc.

These events aren’t for everybody — and if they’re not for you, focus on events that take place, if not in cafés and restaurants, then in libraries, universities, museums, and other public buildings.

Queer Events Locally Advertised In-Person

Wait, do people still do that?

Look for poster and notice boards in:

Libraries, museums, community centres, university lobbies

Vintage and alternative clothes stores, music venues, etc

Your temple, church, or other religious institutions

Gay bars, queer cafés, LGBTQ centres, queer bookshops

Doctor’s offices, GUM clinics, and sexual health clinics

Anywhere else you see a noticeboard with events showing!

Also look on flag poles or in windows around your local gay bars or businesses if you have any, generally around the gay village if there’s one to go through.

How do you know the events are good? How do you know they’re legit?

How old does the poster look? Do you see many copies of it around?

Look for dates for the event(s) they’re advertising on the poster, and then look up the venue the events are meant to happen at. Do the dates match? Is it a regular event? Is the event showing on the venue’s website or social media?

Is the event run by a local group, collective, or charity? When you search them, do they have socials or a site of their own? Do they seem active?

If a local queer poster gives you socials, check those socials out — do they have any followers you’re familiar with? Do they post their venues publicly and have defined and public meeting times? Do they seem to have active and engaged commenters? Is there a face or faces behind the social media, or are they anonymous?

If an event is run by anonymous people, or if it seems like they don’t have many followers on social media or very active ones, that might be a bit more suspicious — ditto if an event just gives you a phone number but not any further identifying info.

It’s not inherently suspicious for a queer event to be at an undisclosed location, because of course people do want to ensure some safeguarding and vet people before they come, but if it’s an undisclosed location in combination with anonymous organising, that might be a bit suspicious, and should probably be avoided.

Finding Queer People in Specific Hobby or Other Community Spaces

You don’t have to go to queer-specific events to meet other queer people — any hobby or community you can think of, there’s probably queer people in attendance.

If you’re in a busier or more populous area, say there are 5 events that centre around the same hobby — of those 5, some of them will have more queer people than others, and it might be worth checking them out just to see if you click with anyone there.

My partner and I attend queer-specific board-game evenings that are run out of gay bars or by queer clubs, but pretty much any board-game night is likely to have one or two queer people knocking about, whether they know or would identify themselves as LGBTQ+ off the bat or not.

While there are obviously more open queer people at the queer events, I would say that when we went to a local board-game night run by older straight guys, about a quarter of the attendees were older queer people.

Of my queer friends, pretty much all of them have varied interests and attend different groups or clubs with a lot of other queers knocking about without them being labelled or explicitly queer events — knitting and crocheting, computer coding, electronic music and DJing, fandom, blacksmithing, glassblowing, stand-up comedy, improv, cooking, gardening, board games, cosplay and historical costuming, LEGO, live-action roleplay, tabletop roleplaying games, Magic the Gathering, Yu-Gi-Oh, and other trading card games, poker, burlesque, sports games and clubs, swimming, cycling, fishing, photography, book clubs, bug collecting, birdwatching, weaving, painting, sculpture, pottery, video games, singing, songwriting, poetry…

The list goes on.

Hell, half the people I know seem to go and meet new dates at the local climbing wall, where it seems like all the lesbians and gay guys are crawling all over one another. Another friend of mine attends their local WI, and have met other queer people there.

Other Tips

Remember you can meet people on dating and hook-up apps and that doesn’t necessarily have to be for sex and relationships, whether that’s Grindr, Her, Lex, etc — or you can ask hook-ups and casual dates where they go or if there are local events they think are good or fun. Poly people are particularly useful for this, because they’ll often have a whole network of regular events crossing over and diverging.

If you’re nervous about going to an event alone and you don’t have anybody to go with you, it can be worth checking it out on socials first and see if you have any mutual friends with people that are going — if not, it’s worth heading along anyway, because people might well speak to you before you have to open the conversation with them.

Community groups will often have icebreakers or sessions where people swap names, pronouns, and basic introductions, and that can ease the way into getting used to the space.

If you see somebody else on their own who seems nervous to talk to people, they can be good to approach and say, hey, I also don’t know anyone here, what brings you here? And so on. Remember, other people are pretty much always in the same boat as you.

For me, one of the biggest anxieties about going to new events alone is the fact that I’m disabled and dependent on public transport, and that combo can make it tough on me if I get to a place and it’s inaccessible or just not my speed, and then I have to sort of immediately turn heel and leave, but wait ages for a bus in the meantime. I’ve missed more than one event I was really excited about just because transport didn’t line up for me.

Some considerations to keep in mind when you look for events:

Is the event free or paid? Is this clearly marked? Do you need to buy tickets in advance?

How recent is the posting about the event? Is it posted on a web page or a social media page? Are there recent comments or engagement on the entry? If there is a contact for the event, is it active and responsive?

Is this event regular or recurrent? Is it for a special occasion, and does it have sister events or concurrent events?

Is the event exclusively online, exclusively in-person, or do they change between the two formats? Would you prefer to attend online before you attend in-person?

Do you want to go to a closed and more private group — for example, one that has you message them for the time and location, seems to have capped attendee limits, seems to have a regular community. Or do you want to attend a more casual event in a larger, open space where people might not notice as much as you come and go? Is it going to be very crowded or more spaced out?

Where is the event located, and will you be comfortable in that venue? Is it in a community building such as a charity space, community group, religious institute, school, or university? Is it in a café, restaurant, pub, bar, club, or late-night venue? Is it an explicitly or dedicated queer space? If you are not out to other members of your community, will going into this space reveal that you might be a member of a queer group?

Is the venue age-restricted, and will it require ID? If you must provide ID, will providing your ID in a dead name or in a different gender presentation to your current one be anxiety-inducing or a potential problem for you?

How accessible is the venue to you? Is it walkable, on a regular bus route, or does it have appropriate parking for you? Does it have ramps or elevators? Is it well-ventilated, and does it have a HVAC or other air filtration and purification protocol? Is masking enforced, and/or are masks provided? If you might be watching something together, is there a hearing loop, will there be subtitles on a screening? Is there a first aider at the event? Does the venue serve food or drink, or provide refreshments?

If you are attending alone and have specific needs or requirements, or might need to leave abruptly, is there someone you can let know at the event, such as a first aider or community leader? Are there regular buses, a taxi rank, or online taxi access if you need to quickly head home? Have you let someone else know where you are going, just as a safety concern?

Is the event activity-based, or is it a space where people just sit and talk? Would one or the other of these feel more natural or comfortable to you? Do you have to bring your own activity, such as with a craft or knitting circle, or are supplies provided, such as boardgames or a screening?

Does the group or host for the event(s) have social media? Do they advertise the regular events on socials, or have a newsletter, or some other helpful reminder system?

Most community events will be free, but if it’s an activity group or society, or if it’s a private event, especially one where they buy equipment or supplies, there might be an up-front ticket or access fee, a membership fee or a collection jar or similar — most events will tell you in advance if there is a fee or if they might request a donation.

Most importantly, like… Have fun.

If it sucks, hit the bricks — there’s no obligation to stay anywhere if it’s not fun or doesn’t satisfy you in the way you were hoping.

There’s always other events out there, and you’re very unlikely to truly be the only gay in the village, even if it sometimes feels that way. Good luck!

[indierpgnewsletter]

New TTRPGs In June and July 2024

Welcome to another itch.io round up. If this is the first post like this that you’re seeing: every two months I highlight around ten new games. Most of these games are small in scope and I usually have not played or even read them. I’m often just picking them based on whats caught my idiosyncratic eye. I hear about most of these games through this form.

False Kingdom: Survive a succession crisis in 12th century England playing delightful named characters with hilarious special abilities. From Jim R and Marsh D, the designers of TEETH. (PWYW)

Freak Folio: The artist known as Chaoclypse releases a book where you mix and match monsters to create abominations for your fantasy game.

The Girls of the Genziana Hotel: Chambermaids investigating the disappearance of one of their own in a spooky 19th century German hotel. (Hendrik ten Napel, PWYW)

Against Time and Death: Two-player game of war, self-discovery, and connection across all of time and space. Inspired by This Is How You Lose the Time War. (Nick Bate)

Tarnation: Solo journalling in a weird west setting with multiple pre-made adventures. (Symbolic City)

For Small Creatures Such As We: Solo or GM-less game about a human captain and a crew of aliens where you explore the galaxy and your relationships. (Anna Blackwell)

’till it kills us: A game about queer activism, mental health and the delicate balance between the two. Uses a system that requires you to work together to use your cool powers. (Damsels & Dice)

Paranormal Wellington: A comedy roleplaying game about bumbling TV investigators and supernatural shenanigans. (Morgan Davie)

Fight or Fright: A Halloween Trick-or-treating game about magical costumes, possessed decorations, and scoring lots of candy. (Alex Marinkovich-Josey)

Fording the Derbal Yerrigan: A game about removing an invasive species that uses an Uno deck. (Pidj Sorensen)

That’s all for this week!

(As always, this was first posted on the Indie RPG Newsletter).

[aperiodofhistory]

Books to read in autumn

Historical novels

Wolf Hall by Hilary Mantel: England in the 1520s

The Pillars of the Earth by Ken Follett: Building the most splendid Gothic cathedral the world has ever known

Outlander by Diana Gabaldon: A back-in-time Scottish romance

Company of Liars by Karen Maitland: A novel of the plague in the year 1348

The underground railroad by Colson Whitehead: Enslavement of African Americans through escape and flight

The God of small things by Arundhati Roy: A family drama in the 60s located in India

The Diary of a Young Girl by Anne Frank: A powerful reminder of the horrors of world war II

Fantasy

A Game of thrones by George R. R. Martin: A Fantasy epic run by politics, strong families, dragons

Red rising by Pierce Brown: A dystopian science fiction novel set in a future colony on Mars

Babel by R.F. Kuang: Student revolutions, colonial resistance, and the use of language and translation as the dominating tool of the British empire

Legends & Lattes by Travis Baldree: A fresh take on fantasy staring an orc and a mercenary

Jade City by Fonda Lee: A gripping Godfather-esque saga of intergenerational blood feuds, vicious politics, magic, and kungfu

Spinning Silver by Naomi Novik: A tale of hope and magic, with brave maidens and scary monsters

The Atlas six by Olivie Blake: A dark academic sensation following six magicians

Mysteries & Horror

The Gathering Dark: An Anthology of Folk Horror by various authors: Short stories perfect for the Halloween mood

Sorrowland by Rivers Solomon: The story of Vern, a pregnant teenager who escapes the cult Cainland

The Weird and the Eerie by Mark Fisher: A noted cultural critic unearths the weird, the eerie, and the horrific in 20th-century culture through a wide range of literature, film, and music

Holly by Stephen King: Disappearances in a midwestern town

Vampires of El Norte by Isabel Cañas: Supernatural western

The good house by Tananarive Due: A classic New England tale that lays bare the secrets of one little town

Nonfiction

Ghostland: An American History in Haunted Places by Colin Dickey: The trail of America's ghosts

What moves the dead by T. Kingfisher: A gripping and atmospheric retelling of Edgar Allan Poe's classic "The Fall of the House of Usher

South to America: A Journey Below the Mason Dixon to Understand the Soul of a Nation by Imani Perry: A journey through the history, rituals, and landscapes of the American South—and a revelatory argument for why you must understand the South in order to understand America

All the living and the dead by Hayley Campbell: An exploration of the death industry and the people―morticians, detectives, crime scene cleaners, embalmers, executioners―who work in it and what led them there

Gödel, Escher, Bach: An Eternal Golden Braid by Douglas R. Hofstadter: Gödel, Escher, Bach is a wonderful exploration of fascinating ideas at the heart of cognitive science: meaning, reduction, recursion, and much more

[halloweenhuh]

Halloween, Huh? Day 3 Reveals

Freaky Friday (I woke up in my enemy's body) Rated M - 8,873 words “So he’s entered some weird-ass, stress-induced fever dream where he’s in Henry’s body. It’s probably, like, the latent guilt Alex feels for the repercussions this will have on his mom’s approval rating even though the whole thing is objectively stupid and people will forget about it in a week.”

Or, a FirstPrince Body Swap AU.

.🎃🎃🎃.

Save a horse - Rated E - 4,616 words This year’s Halloween costume was a no-brainer for Alex. Sure, the Barbie movie was questionable, to say the least, but it doesn’t take away from the fact that the costumes were really fun, and as soon as he saw Barbie and Ken coming out of that store with full-on cowboy outfits, he knew he needed that in his life- in his and Henry’s life, actually.

He even had the costumes custom made for them. And maybe he requested for Henry’s jeans to be a little tighter than the original ones, whatever. He is allowed.

.🎃🎃🎃.

Life is a maze, and love is a riddle - E - 3,093 words Alex, June, and Nora take Henry to his first haunted corn maze.

.🎃🎃🎃.

Taste the Way You Bleed - Rated T - 3,923 words “It’s been 427 years,” June says matter-of-factly.

Bea nods. “Ever since Alex’s first bi-annual vampire orgy.” Her gaze flickers away from her cards and over to the camera. “Henry got flustered and snubbed him, you see.”

“If anyone knows how to hold onto a grudge, it’s Alex,” June sighs.

“They hardly spoke for the next two centuries.” Bea plays a card. “Then Pez suggested a change of scenery, and we all moved to Brooklyn.”

“Now they’re just Like This.”

(A What We Do in the Shadows AU. Two centuries of living together haven't made Alex and Henry any better at getting along, but when a possible vampire hunter moves in across the street, Alex will be dusted before he lets anything happen to his nemesis.)

.🎃🎃🎃.

Heart enough - Rated T - 8,012 words "...there are very few of us who have heart enough to be really in love without encouragement."

Instead of Alex flying to London, Henry is sent to D.C. to do the post Cakegate damage control just in time for Alex and June's annual Halloween party.

.🎃🎃🎃.

Fall Fun - Rated T - 2,713 words Alex and Henry need a break from their hectic NYC life, so they take a long fall weekend to drive around upstate NY/New England. Pretty foliage, corn mazes, hiking, apple cider donuts, cute B&Bs, etc.!

.🎃🎃🎃.

A little note for all of our wonderful creators: if your work was revealed by the Palace today, please be sure to update your publication date to today’s date so it shows up fresh in the AO3 feed.

[ladamedusoif]

Visiting - Chapter 6: If You'd Accept Surrender

(Moodboard by the wonderful @cutesyscreenname)

Pairing: Professor!Ben (College AU) x OFC Lydia/fem!Reader (reader POV/2nd POV)

Summary: Seeking a change of scenery after her life falls apart, Lydia crosses the Atlantic and arrives in a small New England town, to spend a year expanding her intellectual horizons as a visiting professor of art history at a small liberal arts college. Her growing friendship with Ben Morales, professor of Hispanic literature, forces Lydia to confront the fallout from her past - and raises unexpected questions about the future.

Chapter summary: It's Thanksgiving in Barrow, and Lydia and Ben try to work out each other's feelings - and (kind of!) give in...

Word Count: 7.6k

Rating: Explicit (MDNI; 18+)

Content (chapter specific): Professor Ben College AU; smaller-than-usual-for-this-fandom age gap (Lydia turns 42, and Ben is 47); canon is not a thing here; slow burn; masturbation (F; implied M); descriptions of PiV sex; strong language; alcohol consumption; weight and body insecurity; descriptions of emotionally-abusive past relationship; liberal arts profs feeling weird about Thanksgiving, kind of; emotional insecurity; self-confidence issues; a bit of angst; a lot of yearn.

A/N: With HUGE thanks to @lunapascal for triggering a wave of late 90s nostalgia, the title of this chapter is taken from 'Walking After You' by the Foo Fighters. (I wish they would accept surrender too, dear readers.)

I don't quite know how, but this chapter just got together (ironically, given who we're writing about here) and, well, here it is. Aside from these two bouncing around not quite making contact, metaphorically speaking, Lydia learns more about Ben's family and finally visits his (very nice) home.

I had a bit of a wobble about the story after Chapter 5, and then got a wave of beautiful comments and responses to the story that made my heart sing for joy. Readers, you're all bloody wonderful and I love each and every comment and thought you've shared about these two and their story. In the words of a post I reblogged earlier this week: the love is requited. They're just idiots.

Further A/N after the chapter to avoid spoilers.

See the Series Masterlist for an outline of Lydia's story and background.

Thanks, as ever, to @lunapascal and @julesonrecord for loving Bendie as much as I do.

Taglist: @lunapascal, @julesonrecord, @cutesyscreenname, @tessa-quayle, @vermillionwinter, @iamskyereads, @tieronecrush, @perennialdoll247, @love-the-abyss, @imaswellkid, @intheorangebedroom, @javierisms, @fuckyeahdindjarin, @littlemisspascal, @khindahra, @pedrostories, @readingiskeepingmegoing, @ruebyretro

It’s just over a week to go before the short vacation around Thanksgiving. The four of you - Ani, Evan, you, and Ben - are eating lunch in the main campus restaurant. The seasonal decor - Halloween ghosts and smiling pumpkins now replaced by cartoonish turkeys and cornucopia displays - has triggered a conversation about plans for the holiday. In turn, because this is a gathering of liberal arts academics and you never miss an opportunity to overthink something, the conversation has also involved grappling with the more problematic aspects of Thanksgiving.

Ani is working through their complex feelings regarding the holiday. “As a queer person of colour, the annual celebration of coloniser assholes is my kryptonite,” they mutter. “But my mom loves this shit, and I love my mom.” Ani forlornly sips their water and looks at you. “I think you might be the only one here who can mark this thing without being a hypocrite, Lyd.”

You huff a laugh. “And that’s mostly because I don’t actually mark it, right?” The holiday is not and has never been a ‘thing’ in your neck of the woods, though you were very familiar with it through popular culture, access to American children’s magazines, and clickbaity BuzzFeed articles on “The 25 Weirdest Thanksgiving Dishes EVER”. 

“So what are you planning on doing while everyone else is refusing yet more turkey leftovers, Lydia? You staying put or taking a little trip somewhere else?” Evan asks, swigging from his can of La Croix. He and David are bringing Evan’s mother to a fancy hotel in Boston for a spa retreat. Ben, meanwhile, is going to spend Thanksgiving at home on the west coast with his mom and extended family for the first time in several years. He’s incredibly excited about it, even if he needs to write a conference paper while he’s away.

You put down your fork and spread your hands ahead of you, preparing to wax lyrical about your Thanksgiving plans while everyone else is out of town. 

“Dude, I’m going to live my best life. I also have to write my paper for that visual arts conference in New York in a couple of weeks, but only after living my best life.” 

Ben watches you affectionately as you prepare to set out the details of your plans. He hasn’t told you this, not yet, but your ability to describe the most ordinary-seeming things in just the right way, with loving care and attention, is one of the (many) things he likes about you.

“We start the day with homemade blueberry pancakes,” you begin, eliciting exaggerated oohs and aahs from your friends. “Served with a scoop of crème fraîche and drizzle of maple syrup, with a giant pot of good filter coffee on the go. Then, we move on to the Macy’s parade. I’m mostly hoping for an inflatable going rogue.”

Ani laughs. “I’m going to open a book on that. A wager on whether there’s a rogue inflatable, and a sub-wager on which inflatable??”

“I will not be watching football,” you continue. “I have a better place to be. For reasons known only to themselves, the college film society has decided to take over the little film theatre downtown for a season of European classics over the vacation. I will therefore be giving thanks for Francois Truffaut and The 400 Blows, which is their Thanksgiving afternoon screening.”

Ben closes his eyes and hums appreciatively, nodding. 

“I then intend to round off the day with takeout and a whiskey sour made at home,” you conclude. “But,” and you look down at the table and bite your lip, “and not to get sentimental on main, I’ll drink it and be quietly thankful for all the good things I’ve got to experience here so far. You three, most of all.”

You lift your eyes and realise that Ben is looking right at you, eyes and expression softer than ever. 

It is just over a fortnight since your birthday. Two weeks, more or less, since he’d held your hand and spun you around on the dancefloor, making you laugh and smile more than you’d done in a very long time. No time at all, and forever ago. The ghostly trace of his touch on your waist, on your back, on your hip still haunts you. His card is still on your nightstand. 

At night, you fall asleep trying - and failing - to resist conjuring up the image of his smiling face. Your dreams about him are erratic. Some are pure fantasy, some sexual, others decidedly unromantic. In some, he evades your grasp, slipping away just as you get close. In others, he ignores you completely. Worst of all are the ones where he ventriloquises the bullying you dole out to yourself, reminding you that you are too plain, too old, too big, too much.

You get used to spending the first few minutes after waking reassuring yourself that they were just dreams. Nothing serious. Nothing real, even though you know you’re lying to yourself. After all, it was your subconscious inventing the scenarios that crept into your sleeping brain.

For all that, things have continued much as they’d always done between the two of you. Lunch. Coffee. Sometimes drinks with others after work. Silly conversations in the staff lounge that make the two of you crease and wipe tears from your eyes with laughter. He never sees the sad expression that sometimes creeps over your face after he leaves your office or disappears to a class. Never catches you tracing your fingers over the memory of his touch on your hand or arm. He never hears you crying in the night when you jolt awake after another bad dream.

You don’t bother trying to talk yourself out of your feelings. What would be the point in denial? Far better to remind yourself that you can’t - indeed, rarely - get what you want, because he doesn’t want you. Couldn’t want you. He’d had opportunities. He didn’t do anything about it. The proof of his feelings - or lack thereof - was staring you in the face.

And besides: you were only visiting. 

So settle for friendship. Settle for the warmth of a friendly glance from his chocolate eyes. Settle for a flash of that smile, for the way his eyes crinkle when he laughs, for the sight of his broad outline at your office door, coffee mugs in hand. 

It would have to be enough.

The grocery store is busy with last-minute Thanksgiving shoppers, picking up essentials for the next day’s family feast. You stare at your phone, brain whirring as you try to scale down a pumpkin pie recipe and convert the frankly bonkers system of US weights and measurements and then work out exactly how much butter you need to buy.

“They bang on about having had a revolution and yet they kept this system? The metric system is right there, fuck’s sake…”

Your screen flashes suddenly with an incoming call:

Ben Morales

An involuntary flip of your stomach. You tap the button on your earbuds to accept the call, forcing a casual tone.

“Hey, Ben. How’s the Bay Area? Everything okay?”

“Hi, Lydia. Uh, can’t answer to the Bay Area. Still here.”

“Still here? Oh - oh no. Is everything okay? Has something happened? What can I do - I’ll do whatever you need, no mat-”

He inhales and exhales. “It’s fine, I’m fine, everyone at home is mostly fine. My mom’s just called me in a fury. One of TJ’s boys got a vomiting bug and, well…”

Your face falls, devastated on his behalf. He’d been so looking forward to this. “I can guess. Everyone’s got it.”

“Everyone’s got it,” he echoes. “My mom is fine - fine enough to be really angry at Dylan, that’s my nephew - but it still sounds a bit like…” he trails off, and giggles despite himself. “Like a puke-pocalypse.”

You bite the inside of your cheek but can’t stop yourself from laughing. “Shit, I’m sorry, Ben. Just ‘puke-pocalypse’ is such a fucking funny term.”

He’s laughing now, too, and you feel your heart swelling at the sound of his voice, giggling away like a badly-behaved kid.

“Long story short, I am not going to California. They don’t want me getting sick, either. Not with that big conference in Louisiana the week after.”

“I’m sorry, truly. I know you were looking forward to this.”

He sighs. “I was. But what can you do? Anyway, the longer holidays are coming up. I’ll see them then and we’ll do a video call tomorrow. And I can really focus on getting my conference paper written. It’ll be okay.” He seems to be reassuring himself more than you.

“I’m calling because I was wondering if you’d…if you would want…” He pauses again. “If you’d like to come over and watch the parade tomorrow morning? If you’d like the company of a seasoned giver of thanks.”

You smile in the dairy aisle, even though you feel a flutter of nerves run through your body. “I would really like that. I can bring over the stuff I’ve bought for breakfast and make it at your place? I’ve got enough to feed the five thousand, honestly.”

Note to self: buy more blueberries before you leave the store.

He chuckles. “I wasn’t going to mention it, but I was only after the food you described the other day. This is all a convenient ruse.”

You hum, as if trying to deduce whether this is a ploy. “I should have known. You only want me for my pancakes!”

The words are out before you realise what you’ve said. You hope to fuck he hasn’t noticed. Deflect, change the subject?

“Actually, Ben, do you want to come to see 400 Blows tomorrow, too? Or are you otherwise occupied with blueberries and batter?”

You swear you hear him sigh happily. You push it aside as a kind of aural illusion, putting it down to your overactive imagination, caught up in trying to distract from your stupid slip of the tongue. 

He doesn’t want you. He’s just being nice. That’s all. He’s just really nice. He doesn’t want you to be on your own. He’d do that for anyone. 

“I would really like that.” 

He takes a breath and continues. “It’s a d- I mean, it’s a deal. So, uh, what time works for you to come over?”

Ben being Ben, he has insisted on picking you up, to save you having to walk over while carrying the supplies for the blueberry pancakes. You aren’t entirely sure how he manages to be as attractive (if not more so) in a grey sweatshirt, faded jeans, and a cosy navy pea coat as he is when he wears a shirt and tie, but somehow he just is.

“Let me bring these through to the kitchen, and I’ll dig out the utensils and pans. Have a look around - you can judge me on my DVD selection if you want.” He winks as he totes the bag of groceries towards the kitchen. 

His house is nice. To your eyes, it’s like something from a picture book or an old movie: two stories, painted a sort of primrose yellow with white accents and sash windows. Steps up to a porch and the front door, a small but neatly trimmed lawn in front, a garage built in the same style as the house to one side. At a guess, you’d place it as dating from the first decades of the twentieth century. 

Inside, a parquet hallway, walls lined with framed posters and prints, leads towards the staircase. Two doors open up off the hall: one to a spacious living room at the front of the house, and one to a dining room at the back, which is connected to the living room by glass-panelled doors. The kitchen, adjoining the dining room, wraps around the back of the house. A small deck accessible from the kitchen leads down to the back yard. The rooms are bright and inviting. You think there might be a basement, judging by the windows you could see under the front steps. Possibly even an attic, if the small round window in the gable at the front was anything to go by.

Fuck, this is really nice. 

It’s also very him. There are little piles of books where you’d least expect them: on one of the lower stairs, on his hall table, on the floor beside the armchair in the corner of the dining room. The framed prints in the hall are clearly all meaningful to him: prints of various paintings, posters from gigs, theatre productions, art exhibitions, some vintage postcards. This is, without doubt, a lived-in home, and it’s clear that - as with his office at work - Ben is not terribly precious about everything being absolutely pristine or neat at all times. But even a cursory glance reveals something of his taste and sensibilities, and suggests the care he must have taken in picking out furniture, or even refurbishing pieces (the man clearly likes the period from the 1920s to the 1960s, you think), and making his house a home. 

You try very hard not to fall for the house, too. Bad enough whatever you’ve got going on for the man who lives there. But - like him - it’s so charming and appealing that you’re fighting a losing battle.

You decide to take a closer look at the living room, admiring the fitted shelving in the alcoves on either side of the large, cosy fireplace. A small, wood-burning stove nestles in the hearth. Family photos line the mantel, with vintage railway posters advertising the Union Pacific Railroad’s Californian routes framed on one wall. The room is bright and high-ceilinged, TV in one corner, shelves of DVDs underneath. Through the glass doors into the dining room you spy a record player, speakers, and shelving holding an extremely impressive collection of vinyl records. 

Best of all, though, is the Lego model of a Saturn V rocket that you spy on top of the shelving in the dining room. You idly wonder if he’s got the lunar lander set as well.

More family photos pepper the bookshelves in the living room, alongside the occasional trinket or tchotchke. A black and white photograph of a man who is Ben’s double in almost every way, save for having straighter hair and different eyes. You guess this must be his dad, captured in his twenties or so, wearing a beautiful light-coloured short-sleeved shirt decorated with abstract embroidery. 

A small figurine catches your eye: a woman in a green mantle, with a pinkish red robe, covered in the unmistakable patina of age. You instantly recognise it as a miniature statue of Our Lady of Guadalupe, standing on a little wooden base. Its presence here feels surprising, somehow. Nothing had ever given you the impression that Ben was remotely religious, but then again - had you even discussed it?

The doors from the dining room into the living room open and Ben comes in as you look intently at the little figure. “You know who she is?”

You nod. “Apart from my professional expertise including religious art, you’re looking at the product of a Catholic education. I may not be much of a believer, but I learned a lot about iconography. And, full disclosure, I still love a holy statue.” You hold your hands up. “It’s the kitsch, I can’t deny it.”

He smiles and moves towards you. “I’m not much of a believer, either,” he says, smiling. “But she belonged to my abuela - I mean, my grandmother.” 

You nod, and a framed photo beside the statue catches your eye. In it, a woman - her long greying hair pinned up - is sitting on an armchair, holding a tiny infant and beaming. Standing beside her, a toddler - no more than two, you reckon - is scowling at the camera. He’s wearing a pair of denim dungarees and a stripy, long-sleeved t-shirt.

“Wait - is that - that’s you? That’s you, oh my god!” You look more closely at the picture and Ben puts a palm to his face. 

“Dammit, you’re too quick. That’s my abuela holding TJ, just a few days old - that’s when he’d come home from the hospital with my mom. And yes, that’s me. I was thrilled to become a big brother, as you can see.” He rolls his eyes and chuckles. 

You look carefully at the furious face of the little boy, his hair maybe a shade lighter than Ben’s dark brown locks now, but his eyes are unmistakably the same. Even the toddler’s pout is familiar. You’ve seen it in action, when the copier refuses to cooperate with him.

“You might have been pissed off, but you were still pretty cute,” you say softly, smiling at him with perhaps more affection than you might otherwise have deemed wise. 

“Cute, huh? You must be wondering what went wrong.”

You good-naturedly roll your eyes and shake your head. “Far from it. I’m sure that kid would be thrilled to know who he’d grow up to be.”

He smiles a tiny smile and blushes slightly, casting his eyes downwards. Silence, for a moment. 

“So you were close to your grandmother?”

He nods, smiling at the photograph. “She was really great. My dad’s mother.” He points to the photograph of the handsome young man in the formal shirt. “That’s him. Diego. He’s just a kid there.” He smiles at the picture, mirroring his father’s expression. It only serves to highlight the resemblance even further. 

“Dad worked long, hard hours, and my abuela took care of us when my mom had to get a part-time job to help make ends meet - used to read to us, bring me to the library, tell anyone who’d listen that I was the smartest kid in the world.” He chuckles. “Not the easiest thing being a little boy who loved books and making up stories when everyone else was sports-mad or running around in a cut-up tshirt pretending to be Rambo. But she never stopped encouraging me. She encouraged all of us.”

He picks up the little figurine. It looks even tinier in his broad hand. 

“She swore blind that nuestra señora here helped with my SATs. Or rather, her prayers to nuestra señora helped me get the grades I needed for college. Never mind all my hard work! So when I left for school, she gave me this. Said it would keep me safe.” He places it gently back on the shelf beside the picture. 

“Like I said, I’m not a believer. But the statue is a little bit of her, and how much she loved me, and I liked having that with me. You know what I mean?” He looks at you, big brown eyes soft and searching.

You feel your heart swell. Shit, Lyd. You’ve got to get over this. You have got to get over him.

“Yeah, I do,” you nod. “I have a couple of things like that - little tokens that mean so much. She must have been so proud of you when you did so well at college, got into grad school...”

He exhales. “Oh, man. She was obsessed with everything I did in college. I had to update her on my classes every semester so she could brag to the ladies at the hair salon about how smart I was.” He laughs briefly, then his face falls a little. “I just wish she’d seen me graduate. She, uh, passed a month or so before we got our final degree results.” 

He looks so sad all of a sudden. Spontaneously, unthinking, you reach out and gently touch his bicep in a gesture of comfort. 

He turns to face you, eyes widened a little in surprise, and lightly pats your hand. “It’s okay, really. Sorry. Just got a bit…melancholy there. Anyway, I’m thankful I had her when I did.”

“Ah, bringing it back to today’s theme. Nice segue, very impressive, no notes.” 

He grins. “She’d have liked you.” He’s rubbing his hands together and making a beeline back towards the kitchen.

“Okay - I can’t wait any longer. Pancakes and parade time, I think?”

You eat more blueberry pancakes than you thought humanly possible while you take in the spectacle of the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade: three hours of inflatables, floats, and marching bands with special guests. Ben is surprisingly knowledgeable about the various character balloons and seems genuinely impressed when you recognise Thing 1 and Thing 2 from Dr Seuss, laughing as you point excitedly at the TV. 

“Sorry! It’s just totally new to me, and I’m basically an overgrown child.”

He shakes his head. “It’s great. Next year they need to get you on board as an international commentator.”

Next year. Fuck. There is no next year, at least not so far as this is concerned. Next Thanksgiving you’ll be an ocean away, not tucking into fluffy pancakes on Ben’s comfy sofa and picking out your favourite floats. 

“They’ll have to fly me back, I guess.”

The realisation reminds you how temporary all of this is. The fellowship. Your presence in this place. Your easy closeness to a man who, unbeknownst to himself, had stirred up feelings of affection, need, and desire in you, just when you thought they were gone forever.

The look on Ben’s face suggests that he’d forgotten this was temporary, too. You feel a surge of affection in your chest as you look at his face, a little crestfallen. 

Push it down. Push it away. 

While you’re clearing up, Ben’s phone buzzes with a message from his mom. 

“Shit, she wants to do a video call now. Is that okay?”

“Of course! God, don’t mind me. I can leave if it’s easier, let you have your time talking to your family.”

He turns, shaking his head. “I’m not kicking you out, you’re my guest.”

“Okay, but let me keep clearing up in here and you go and talk to her. That way you get privacy and it means the clean-up is done and dusted when you’re finished.”

He grabs his iPad and heads back into the living room, closing the doors into the dining area and kitchen. You continue with the washing up as Ben speaks with his family on the other side of the country, popping back to the dining table every so often to gather other dirty dishes and plop them in the sink.

Then, you hear Ben’s mom’s voice clearer and louder than before. It’s enough to stop you dead.

“Who’s the pretty woman in your dining room, Benjamin?”

What the fuck? How did she…

The doors have glass panels. Which you forgot about. You are an idiot.

She could see you popping in and out. You’re not hiding, as such. But you don’t want to provoke any awkward questions for Ben. 

“It’s my friend Lydia, mom. She’s the visiting professor this year, she’s on her own for the holiday too, so…we’re keeping each other company. I told you about her.”

He did? 

You try not to think too much about his use of ‘we’, or exactly how you would like to ‘keep him company’. 

“Well, does your” - Mrs Morales pauses for emphasis - “friend Lydia, the visiting professor, want to come say hi? Or have you confined her to the dining room and kitchen?”

Oh, shit. Shit. Could the ground just open up and swallow you, please? Come, friendly sinkhole, come.

Ben turns and looks at you over the back of the armchair, through the glass panelled doors. He raises his eyebrows, leaving it up to you to decide. 

What can you do, but say hi? 

You smile weakly as you come into the living room and settle on the arm of the chair, hoping you’re not at a terrible angle for the front-facing camera while repressing the screaming panic inside you. 

It’s your friend’s mom. It doesn’t mean anything because you aren’t anything. 

“Hello, Mrs Morales. It’s very nice to meet you. Happy Thanksgiving!”

You estimate that Mrs Morales is a little older than your own parents, though not by much. Her white hair is cut short and curls softly around her expressive face. He might be the image of his father, but he shares the same wavy curls, penetrating dark eyes, and kind smile as his mother. 

“Please, call me Ana. Are you enjoying your first Thanksgiving?” She arches an eyebrow and nods towards her son, expression deadly serious all of a sudden. “I hope he’s being a good host.”

You exchange a glance with Ben, who looks affronted, and laugh. “He’s a very good host. He’s made me feel so welcome since I came to Barrow in August.” You feel heat rising in your neck. “There’s just a really nice group of people here. Ben mentioned that you were unwell - I hope you are doing better now?”

Ana Morales smiles and brings a hand to her chest. “Thank you, my dear. It has been unpleasant, as you can imagine. Difficult when you live so far from your family, too.”

Ben huffs quietly. “Mom, TJ and Teresa and their families are like, five minutes away from you.”

His mom turns her attention back to you. “I’m sure you must miss your family too, Lydia. You’re here on your own, hmm? Sometimes the visiting professor travels over with their partner and children…”

Is she trying to suss you out? 

Ben looks slightly horrified at her line of questioning, but you nod and explain. “Nope, I’m on my own - no partner, no kids, unless I have really forgotten something at home!” Your joke doesn’t seem to land, and you try to deflect. “But I’m happy and I’m really enjoying myself here. It’s a wonderful experience and I’m very lucky. I guess that’s what I’m thankful for today.”

Oh, and I’m thankful for you and your husband because you created this specimen, congrats on the good genes guys.

She seems satisfied with your answer. This feels like a natural break in the conversation, and you stand up and start to make your excuses.

“I will leave you two, if that’s okay - I don’t want to keep you from catching up. It was lovely to meet you, Mrs Morales, truly.”

Ana tilts her head and smiles a genuine, warm smile. You notice how her eyes smile too, crinkling just like his do.

“And lovely to meet you, Lydia. Let’s hope we will meet in person someday.”

Smile, nod, wave, retreat. Wait - in person?

You gently close the door into the dining room and return to the kitchen, out of sight of the iPad’s camera, before exhaling, long and slow. 

The conversation continues in the living room, and you notice that Ben’s mother has switched into Spanish. In turn, you note that the timbre of his voice has dropped slightly as he switches into the other language.

It’s probably a good thing that your command of Spanish barely stretches to the basics - no fear of understanding what they’re saying. The most you actually overhear in spite of yourself is an exasperated “Mom!” from Ben, and his mother’s repeated use of a word that sounds like nobya or novya. Or was it nobeea? 

You focus on putting away the clean dishes and cooking utensils, avoiding the temptation to ruminate on what his mother must have thought of you.

A round of goodbyes and you hear the door to the dining room opening again, turning to see Ben standing by the table. He looks a little awkward, running his hand through his hair to the back of his neck. You can guess what’s on his mind. 

“It was lovely to be able to say hello to your mom. Really.”

“I’m sorry you got the third degree, though.” He extends his hands in front of him, as if showing two polar opposites. “This is mom and this -” he stretches his long arms further apart “- is normal personal boundaries, I’m afraid.”

You grin, relaxing a little more. “Man, if the roles were reversed, my family would have extracted full details of your blood type, social security number, and the name you chose at your Confirmation. And all in less time than I was talking to your mom.”

You can see the laughter rising from his chest through his neck to his face, and it is a comfort when you eventually hear it. 

“Are you part of a family of superspies, Lydia?” 

You pretend to think. “Hmmm. I don’t think so. But my mom would have been amazing at it. I mean, maybe she’s just in deep cover.” 

“I don’t think my mom could do deep cover,” he muses, looking up at the kitchen clock to check the time. “She’d end up telling someone before the first hour was out. Probably call her friend Julia, tell her not to tell a soul, and the entire neighbourhood would know immediately. Hey - we should probably get going if we want to make the screening.”

You nod and grab your coat and purse, tugging a soft pink knitted hat over your head as you lead the way to the front door. You wait on the stone steps outside as he locks up. 

“She really liked you, by the way,” he says quietly as he checks he’s properly locked the front door. You look at him, somewhat quizzical.

“My mom. Said you were clearly very sweet and told me I had to keep looking after you, or..”

“Or?” you offer the prompt.

“Or she’d fly over here and I would - and I quote - ‘know all about it.’” He grins. “Please use your new power for good, Lyd.”

The short winter days mean it’s dark by the time the film’s over and you leave the movie theatre, chattering enthusiastically about French cinema, the New Wave, Francois Truffaut, and the charisma of a young Jean-Pierre Léaud. You talk all the way to the Brunswick Café, a diner on Main Street that looked untouched since the 1960s - in a good way. Ben had insisted on going - best pumpkin pie in the world, apparently, and they had a tradition of opening for the afternoon and evening on Thanksgiving to cater to left-behind students and college staff. You were only too glad to continue the conversation over big plates of delicious grilled cheese sandwiches and golden, crispy french fries. 

You’re waving your hands around as you describe a day you spent in Paris as a doctoral student, tracing various locations from the film and ending with a visit to Truffaut’s grave in the Montmartre cemetery. You have completely forgotten about the french fry you’re holding between your left thumb and index finger, now serving as a kind of pointer as you detail the excitement of tracking down the locations and planning your itinerary. 

He’s listening intently with a smile on his face. 

And that’s when the bullying voice inside you decides to pipe up, speaking the kind of words you’d had thrown at you by your ex.

You’ve been talking for ages. You must be boring him by now. All you ever do is talk. All I ever do is listen to you. You’re just too much, Lydia. It’s…a lot.

You rein yourself in quickly. “I’m sorry, I’ve just been rambling away here and taking up all the space. Sorry, I just get carried away sometimes, I forget -”

Ben furrows his brow behind his glasses and looks at you, smile wiped and replaced by a serious expression. “Why did you stop talking? What do you mean, taking up all the space?”

You wave his words away, as if it was all self-explanatory. “You know what I mean, me going on and on and on. I know I’m a lot. I don’t mean to be. Just that when I get onto something I really care about I can’t stop sometimes and I’m too much. I’m sorry.”

His expression has shifted to one of confusion, brow still furrowed. He rests his palms on the table.

“Lydia, why are you apologising for being so passionate about stuff? I like hearing you talk. You know so much cool shit! You’ve done so much cool shit! Why wouldn’t I want to hear that? You hear enough from me when I get to talking about one of my ‘things’.” He’s shaking his head, an expression of his disbelief.

He pushes himself back from the table, leaning on the dark red banquette behind. 

“Lyd, I don’t want to pry but - have people told you you’re a lot or too much, or whatever, and that you need to talk less? Is that where this comes from?”

You avert his gaze. “It…it was said to me. And because the person who used to remind me isn’t, um, in my life now, I forget sometimes and get over excited and talky.”

He looks down. “Your ex?”

You nod, still unable to meet his eye. 

Very gently, he reaches over and pats the back of your hand. A tiny electrical charge shoots through you. His words are shot through with a quiet fury. “A fucking idiot, then. And don’t ever listen to a fucking idiot like that. You’re not ‘a lot’, or whatever they told you. You’re not ‘too much’. You’re - you’re exactly right just as you are.”

He moves his hand away. Now it’s his turn to avert your gaze, the tips of his ears turning slightly pink. You look up and try to meet his eyes.

“Hey, Ben - hey, look at me. Thank you. That’s really nice, you know? I’m still working on believing that for myself, but it helps when you have such good -” you pause, unsure what to say in this moment of quiet intimacy, “-such good, um, friends to help you remember.”

He lifts his eyebrows and for the briefest instant you think you see a flash of sadness in his dark eyes. 

“Never say you’re ‘too much’ again.” His face is soft, and his voice reassures you in the same way as the touch of his hand. 

The urge to lean over, hold his gorgeous face in your hands, and kiss Ben Morales there and then surges in you like mercury climbing on a hot summer’s day. 

You take a deep breath and steady yourself, forcing the thought out of your mind before you do something stupid and make a show of yourself. And in public.

You’re interrupted by the server appearing at your table, her tray laden with enormous slices of pumpkin pie and a fresh pot of coffee. 

“Well, well, well, if it isn’t Professor Ben! Long time, no see.” She beams at him. She must be in her mid-sixties, you reckon, short dark hair shot through with greys and the air of someone who has seen it all around here. 

Ben returns her smile. “Hey, Emma! I’m sorry I haven’t really been in a lot this semester. We’ve got some new courses on, and -”

Emma raises her hand to stop him. “I know, sweetheart, I know. And I guess you’ve been busy in other ways, too, huh?” She turns and looks at you, eyebrows waggling and a huge smile on her face. “It’s so good to see good people in love.”

I’m sorry - the what in holy fuck now?

Ben looks as flustered as you feel. His eyes dart over and back as he looks from you to Emma and back again. 

You try to help clarify things, words tumbling out in a rush. “Uh well no we’re not - I mean, I’m not - uh - I’m a visiting professor, Lydia. I’m Lydia. I’m a visiting professor. We -”

Ben finds his words. “We’re n-not a couple, Emma.” He shrugs gently. “I’m sorry, I know what you always say.”

Emma pulls herself up to her full height, coffee pot in hand. She looks at him sceptically, cocking her hip and raising an eyebrow. “Well, I’m sorry too. Just thought I saw what I saw from over at the counter. Didn’t say you were a couple, but…I got it wrong.” She offers a smile that seems more like a grimace. “Enjoy the pie, kids.”

You get the distinct feeling that Emma a) doesn’t believe you and b) feels personally attacked by the fact that you aren’t together.

Fucking tell me about it, lady. 

Ben sips on his coffee and picks up a fork to start on the pie. He pauses just before digging in.

“Hey, Lyd?” You meet his eyes. “Sorry about that. I didn’t intend to give any impression to her that we were…y’know. I’m sorry if it upset you.”

You wish you were brave enough to tell him that the only reason you might be upset over this is because you aren’t actually involved. But everything today feels like more proof that he just sees you as a good friend - including his response to Emma. 

You smile and shake your head furiously. “I’m not upset, I was just worried that you’d be upset!”

He looks up, a piece of pumpkin pie speared on his fork. “I’m not upset, Lyd.”

“Good. So no harm done. She was just eager to get you all coupled up.” You start into your own slice of pie, marvelling at the texture of the filling and the spices tingling on your tongue.

He laughs lightly. “True that. I’ve come here for years and she keeps saying it’s a crime I’m not with anyone.” 

She’s not wrong there. But only because you should be with me.

You sip your coffee. “In that case, you’ve been joined by a fellow hardened singleton criminal. Cheers.” You reach over with your mug and clink it off his. “Here’s to pumpkin pie, the French New Wave, and good people.”

He mulls it over as you walk from Main Street back towards the residential areas around campus. The same questions he’s been pondering since the night of your birthday.

What if he just said something to you? Told you how he felt?

What would you do? Would you be happy about it? Would you feel the same?

Would it ruin everything? Ruin the friendship he loved so much?

He tries to keep up the conversation but is happy to let you chat away, too distracted by the questions in his mind. He’s replaying the things you said today, looking for crumbs as to how you saw him, or saw your relationship, or hints that you might want more. 

You’d mentioned ‘friends’ a couple of times, hadn’t you? ‘Good people’. 

Maybe that’s how you see him. Just a friend. Someone you really like but - not like that.

Better not to do something stupid and get hurt. Better to insulate yourself from the possible blows.

That, after all, is why Ben Morales’ dating history seems so empty to those who work alongside him. He’s no monk - far from it, as the occasional hook-ups and one night stands (at conferences, or trips out of town, of course, because everyone knows everyone around here) prove. But better to do that than go all in, and risk his heart and his self-esteem being crushed. 

Again.

At least, that’s what he’d felt until you came along. He was happy, content with his life. He wasn’t lonely or looking for anyone.

Now, he’s not so sure if his self-preservationist approach is really the right course of action any more. Because of you, and because of what he feels for you.

He looks at you, profile peeking out from underneath your soft knitted hat and hands gesturing as you talk. 

You just need to tell her. Say it. Say the words. 

He steels himself. She’d have come on to him before now if she felt anything. Right?

He reminds himself of all the times you mentioned being ‘friends’. He pushes the feelings that swell his heart down, down deep, so that he can keep putting one foot in front of the other.

You part halfway between your place and his. It’s not very late, and you refuse to have him go out of his way just to walk you to your building.

“I know it’s the theme of the day, but - thank you. Best Thanksgiving ever.” 

He raises an eyebrow when you’ve separated, one corner of his mouth lifting in a half-smile. “Isn’t this your only Thanksgiving ever, Lydia?”

“And nothing else will ever compete. Pie, movies, parades, your mom saying I was sweet and pretty - what more could anyone want?”

He groans at the memory of his mother’s questions to you - and to him, though he hopes you didn’t hear and understand those. “I’m sorry. But it did capture some of the familial tensions of a traditional Thanksgiving.”

You wave away his apology. “Seriously, I’m so grateful. I hope you know.”

You move a step closer and reach out to hug him to say thanks. You can’t help but close your eyes for a moment, trying to memorise the feeling of safety and warmth that comes with embracing Ben, however briefly.

He smiles. “I know.” He turns his head to one side, as if he’s mulling something over in his mind.

“Okay, well…good night.” You lean in to give him a kiss on the cheek that’s facing you, remembering his gesture the night of your birthday.

Maybe it’s your timing. Maybe it’s the angle. Maybe you startled him. 

In the split second it takes you to move towards him, Ben turns his head. Instead of the softness and bristle of his cheek, your lips meet his.

The kiss, if you can call it that, can’t have lasted more than a couple of seconds before you break apart, startled and apologetic. 

“Oh fuck Ben I’m - I’m so sorry, I was going for your cheek and then you turned and -”

He’s blushing, eyes darting around and fingers flexing as they tend to do when he’s nervous or panicking. 

“Shit, I’m sorry, Lyd, I didn’t - didn’t mean…shit, I’m sorry. I turned and you were there and your mouth was - sorry.”

You pat him gingerly on the arm, trying to offer reassurance but terrified that if you feel too much of him, so solid and warm, you won’t be able to stop yourself going further.

“Ben, it’s fine. It’s fine.” Your tone is meant as ‘casual and nonchalant’ but is, in truth, very chalant indeed. “At least we got a kiss out of it instead of bonking our heads together and ending up with lovely Thanksgiving nosebleeds, hmm?”

He looks at you from under his lashes and does that half-smile that devastates you. “That’s something to be thankful for.” A pause. “I’d try to kiss you on the cheek again but, y’know, nosebleed risk. Need to keep at a safe distance.” 

You smile softly and start to turn for home. “Good night, Ben. Happy Thanksgiving. And good luck with the conference paper!” He grimaces, remembering that he has to write his paper, then breaks into a grin, salutes, and walks away.

Lying in bed, trying to sleep, your brain returns over and over to the moment your lips met his. Accidental and over in a flash though the kiss might have been, there was no mistaking how his mouth felt - masculine and soft, warm and inviting, still tasting of pumpkin pie and coffee. 

It was an accident. It had to be. But you knew, deep down, that when your lips made contact you’d both lingered just a second too long. You’d pressed your lips to his, and he’d returned the gesture, almost imperceptibly. You definitely weren’t imagining this. Or were you?

Should you have kept kissing him? What would he have done?

The more you thought about it, the more you reviewed every movement and gesture and moment of contact, the more your body began to ache for him. The gnawing pain between your legs demands to be relieved. You slip down your cotton pajama pants, and pass one finger over your slit experimentally. You gasp as you realise how wet and how swollen you already are, just from the memory of his mouth. His touch. His scent. The warmth of his body.

You begin to move your middle finger up and down, up and down, increasing the pressure on your clit, and he appears unbidden and unceasingly in your mind as you close your eyes, almost as real as if he was there in bed with you.

It’s him slipping a hand between your legs, splaying his fingers to create a bit more space as he strokes you. It’s his long, strong finger that’s dragging through the slippery wetness dripping from you. The pad of his thumb that begins to rub at your swollen nub in tight circles while he starts finding your entrance with the tips of his fingers.

You let yourself imagine what he would say to you, conjuring up the aural memory of his voice. 

“You’re this wet for me already, baby? Is that what I do to you?”

You can’t even form the word, so you whimper and nod.

“I think you like this, don’t you? What about having my fingers inside you?”

Your hips buck upwards slightly as you pick up the pace and try to slip a finger inside yourself. It could never be a match for those hands: so strong and broad but so gentle and kind.

You can feel the coil tightening within you as you get closer and closer to coming.

“Or would you prefer my cock inside you, my love?” 

Such is the wetness between your legs that the sound of your fingers working yourself to climax is loud and obscene. You’re so close now, getting nearer and nearer the edge as you imagine what it would be like to feel him bury himself in you, covering you with his broad body as he fucks you senseless.

The man in your head offers one final instruction to get you there and send you crashing over the edge: “Come for me, Lyddie.”

Across town, around the same time, the memory of your voice is issuing the same instruction to him as he seeks his own relief, unable to shake the lingering trace of your lips on his and frustrated at himself for not being brave enough to show you how he ought to kiss you. How you deserved to be kissed.

“Come for me, Ben.”

(bookshelf divider by @animatedglittergraphics-n-more; other dividers by @cafekitsune)

Further A/N: They're getting there. Slowly. But they're getting there. All that frustration has to work itself out before the end of the semester, right? And the next chapter sees them about to head into the longer break for the holidays... ahem.

If you haven't seen Truffaut's The 400 Blows (Les 400 coups), then please track it down if you love movies. It's wonderful. If only I could go and watch it in a small college town movie theatre with Ben Morales, sigh...

[popcornforone]

More Than Friends

A Dieter Bravo fan fic

Happy birthday to me. Yes today (Halloween) is my birthday & I wanted to write a fic for me about something super romantic that could happen on your birthday. I had a similar dream to this a while ago so I thought Dieter would be the best person to write this for.

Synopsis: You are in America with your sister celebrating your birthday, your best friend & flat mate Dieter is in England working. But he wants to give you the best birthday present ever, no matter how crazy it is.

Word count:3600

Warnings: this is mainly fluff & romantic, but probably best for DONOT READ IF YOU ARE UNDER 18! Secretly fancying your best friends. Swearing, drinking, a little bit of being over dramatic, thinking of what could be ideas of fantasies, death. It is mainly fluffy tho so

Thanks as always for the read peoples. I hope you enjoy this. All feed back is welcome.

OOOH & HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME

“Jen” you shout as you run to your sister at the airport. You may now both live in the same country once again, but finding the time to see her is hard. You’re now finally getting praise for your acting & have 2 weeks off before you’re needed for the next part you will be appearing in on this fabulous HBO reboot. Your sister isn’t exactly quiet. Her 5 month old Dylan keeps her busy, she’s not looking forward to going back to work soon from her maternity leave. Her husband Lance is already taking advantage of her being home more than she usually is. So this next week with your sister is going to be brilliant. Just going back to being you, quirky & weird & normal, not the famous actor the world thinks they know.

The hug the two of you have is special. It’s not been long since you saw her, your grandads funeral 2months ago was the last time you saw her back in England. But it was at this event when you realised you wanted to be more than friends with your most famous best friend. He might have a drinking problem, take a few too many drugs, & be a party boy, but when Dieter Bravo turned up at your Grandads funeral it melted your heart. He’d met him 3 times in the 5 years you’ve known Dieter & your grandad always thought he was a very “eccentric character”. But it was as you saw him just standing around the back, not mingling before the hearse arrived that you cried. His hug & the stroke of the back of your hair, soothed you instantly.

“It okay, I’m here, I couldn’t have you go through this alone” Dieter had whispered as you held onto him.

“Shouldn’t you be…”

“Yes but when it’s a family emergency they said I could go & you are like a sister to me…” straight away put in the friend zone again by your crush. You’re used to it though, it no longer affects you. “& you live with me so…” you had smiled at that comment. When you worked on that Tv show that changed your life, Dieter had a role as a recurring guest character, you’d met him before on another job & he helped you calm your nerves. So when there was damage to your hotel in a fire, he was insistent you moved in with him. He had a girlfriend & a boyfriend at the time & you were in a relationship too, so it just worked. No one suspected a thing & knew you were just colleagues & friends. You then just never moved out. You left him money to pay bill & whenever he worked in the uk he always used your place if he was near. You’d always fancied Dieter, who wouldn’t fall for those eyes & that charisma, there was a reason why when he asked anyone do you want to have sex with me they answered yes. He’s just never asked you & one of you has always been in a relationship until the day after the funeral, when your boyfriend at the time saw how you & Dieter we’re with each other & told you to go & find happiness the next day. unfortunately you didn’t act on your feelings with Dieter, knowing he’s in London & your in New York at the moment, it needed to be the right time to act on this & not just jump straight back in.

As you arrive at your sister place & put your things in her guest room your phone rings, so you answer it.

“Ello”

“Babes” your face lights up straight away. Dieter always mocks your English accent & how you call people babes. Your sister sees your eyes ignite in desire so you pull the door to in your guest room & sit on the bed.

“Diets… you ok?”

“No it’s bloody raining again”

“Thats the London autumn for you”

“I know I know, but you never said it was this unpredictable the weather here”

“I’m English it’s normal” he laughs down the phone at that.

“So what making you call at 7pm, did your date not arrive for dinner?” You mock. If Dieter doesn’t have at least one casual date a week, he gets grumpy.

“Ha no, night shoot tonight… we’re actually nearly done in scheduale for once here”

“Well that’s a first”

“So what are your birthday plans? where’s the party at?” He asks enthusiastically. Your stumped. You have no party planned. You know you’re going to be in England for Christmas this year, & all your friends came over at the end of September to see you in New York so your plan is actually quite mundane. Your birthday is also Halloween.

“I’m in Seattle”

“Seattle?”

“Is there an echo?” You both giggle. “I’m seeing Jen, Lance & little Dylan this week, family bonding, you know, I have no idea what they have planned for my birthday.” It’s true you don’t know what your sisters going to do. Your birthday is a Tuesday this year & it’s currently the Friday before.

“Awww how old is Dylan now”

“Not old enough for you to take out drinking”

“Damn it, I wanted to use him as a girl magnet, the ladies love the caring dad side”

“I think they just would like a night with a movie star Diets” you smile down the phone which he can sense down his end.

“Well I’d best rearrange your gift to your sister address then”

“You didn’t have to get me anything”

“I know but after your year which to say has been crazy is an understatement, you need a treat”

“Well thank you in advanced” you pause & so does Dieter you both sigh down the phone. A million words that you want to tell him about how you feel & that you’d just like to live a normal life with Dieter somewhere away from the rest of the world. No fame, no money, no press, just you & Dieter.

“Hey…” he says

“Yes…”

“I…” & then you hear someone shout in the background & him reply.”sorry I’m Needed back on set, I’ll give you a call on your birthday okay”

“Don’t go being a twat Diets” you say quoting hot fuzz a film you both love to laugh to.

“I wouldn’t give you the satisfaction babes” & he hangs up. You secretly wish Dieter would more than satisfy you.

As Dieter hangs up the phone he automatically texts your sister to plan a birthday you won’t forget in a long time, to make sure she is okay & that this can go with her plans she may already have in place.

You smile to yourself as you get things out of your bag. Just hearing his voice makes you feel so much better, not that you were feeling down at all. As you leave the guest bedroom a few minutes later your sister is standing there judging you. Before you speak she cuts you off.

“I heard enough, I know that tone,” she looks down at her phone & see a message from Dieter.

“I just live with the guy, we’re friends, we…” but you see your sisters face & you do a little smirk. “I don’t just want to be another broken-hearted girl without him, so I will settle for what I have.”

“Are you happy with that?” She asks. You pause unsure if you are, but you are saved by Dylan crying. “I’ll get an answer from you one day sis”

*

Dieter after texting your sister goes to set. Ever the professions for his work, making sure everyone’s okay, down to the riggers & runners. He has the playboy life style in the press but working Dieter is a consummate professional. He does his last shoot for today & heads back to his trailer to get changed. He shuts the door & puts his phone on the dressing table. The mirror he sighs & stares into has photos of him on the shoot & in make up for reference’s & a few family photos too. But noone knows there’s a hidden one beneath 3 of them. His day has been long but he can stay here another 3 minutes to look at the happiest picture he has of the two of you. The one taken After the premier of the Tv show that made you a global star, the after party which everyone in the world was at. You had a boyfriend at the time, but that didn’t stop the two of you from dancing together that night as friends. The theme tune to the show was a custom song written by Ed Sheeran which was slow. Dieter remember how you trembled as he wrapped his arms around you & you both sang the lyrics outloud as Ed performed for actors, crew, press & vips of the event. This was a photo the in show photographer got. Neither of you are looking at the camera as he holds you. Your eyes are shut as you sing out loud one band in the air waving the other holding onto Dieters & his eyes are dazzling. It’s at this exact moment when Dieter realised he wanted you to be in his life more than a friend but this was 18 months ago & since then you’ve both had plenty of work, drama & heart breaks to stop either of you acting on any of this.

Dieter sighs at the photo & then runs his hands through his thick luscious hair.

“I must be fucking crazy”

He leans & takes his phone & calls his agent.

“Mel, got a second?” She mumbles something back “no it’s not that kind of emergency, I need you to sort something out for me quickly, whatever it costs & whoever this upsets, please explain this needs to be done”…

*

Tuesday arrives. You face time your parents while you & your sister have breakfast. You’ve decided to go on a lake walk & then lunch for your birthday with Jen, a nice chilled fun day. No worrys, no distractions. Just some nice Seattle air, if you can call it that in any major city just being you. Lance has promised to pick you all up some Chinese food for tonight. You’ve put Prosecco in the fridge already. It’s low-key but it’s what you want for your birthday celebration. No more costume parties taking over your special day.

Jens opened the Prosecco & you’re both sitting at the breakfast bar waiting for Lance to return with so much crispy chilli beef & lemon chicken that you will all go into a food coma.

“Dylan, what’s this?” You say in your child friendly voice. He laughs back as you play with Mr Ducky his favourite teddy bear & do the quack noises. His face is amazed & he keeps trying to clap his hand as he sits on the counter.

“No no” Jen screeches as you quickly move the fizz away.

“You mummy Dylan doesn’t want you to end up like your aunty, & it’s a shame your American, no drinking until your 21”

“Ha” Jen laughs “if he is anything like you & me he’ll have hangovers at 14”

“Ahh those were the days” you both joke. Your parents were always very liberal with letting you drink. They much rather you did it in front of them then sneak out & did it.

“Oooh Dylan” you then get a sniff of him. Jen smells it too.

“Did you do a number two” Dylan cackles & the two of you laugh when the front door goes. “Go let Lance in” Jen asks as she grabs the nappy bag.

“Oooh so demanding” you say sarcastically back. You put your glass of Prosecco down & head for the door. There’s a sign on it that says help yourself to the sweets in the box for trick or treaters. You open the door & then freeze on the spot.

Dieter is here.

Dieter is in Seattle, not London.

Dieter is at your sisters front door, in the drizzle, as the autumnal leaves fall, on your birthday.

Dieter is here.

“D…D…Di…Dieter?” Your pitch is all over the place, you’re sure your heart has stopped beating. Your eyes meet. Those dark seductive caramels stare at your trembling lips. He’s put a comb through his hair. It’s still a mess as he’s clearly taken his hoodie down as he rang the bell, his hand ruffling through it, that’s his little adorable tick that you cherish each time he does it when he’s nervous.

“Hi”

“Hi”

“Hi”

“Hi”

Neither of you can say anything else. You then decide to step outside & leave the door on the latch & stand with him on the porch.

“What are you doing here?” You eventually after a few minutes of silence trying to work out what you’re both going to say to each other. Everything he had prepped on the flight over & practiced in the hotel room before he left to get here, have all gone out of the window. He’s nervous, this all seemed so much easier in his head over the last few days, but he’s now reduced to just being a man. But it’s the only man you will ever need.

“To wish you a happy birthday I guess… erm so happy birthday…” he’s rubbing his beard as he says it & shifts awkwardly.

“Okay you said that now… thanks… bye” you joke & then so see his face drop. “You’ve still not quite understood after all these years, my sarcasm haven’t you Diets?”

“No, almost, you & your family also have your own unique language” he smiles. The smile is warm & friendly.

“I can’t believe you are actually here to wish me a happy birthday” You beam back at him & push your own messy hair away from your face.

“Couldnt not see you babes” he being genuine in his response, even his mockery of your accent seems adorable.

“I just can’t believe you flew thousands of miles to come & wish me a happy birthday, unless your here for a…”

“No just you, no other work” he interrupts. His puppy dog eyes more loyal & huge than ever. “You deserve the world & I wanted to see how happy you were on your special day”

You fling your arms around Dieters neck & hug him. It catches him by surprise to start with, but the way he holds you a few second later & the sigh that escapes his mouth just confirms he did the right thing. His hand goes across you shoulders & you start to feel weak at his touch. A hug that can solve all the worlds problems.

“You must really like me to fly half way around the world babes…” you whisper into his ear.

“Well actually…” Dieter breaks the hug & drops to one knee. “I think I more than like you” he holds your left hand. “Marry Me?”

You’re in shock, you knew you wanted more than just friendship with Dieter but he’s not even kissed you yet.

“Dieter!? I don’t know what to say”

“Yes?” He winks as his hand strokes yours.

“No”

“No?”

“No… well” you don’t want to turn him down but you want to show him how crazy this is. “Dieter we might be close friends who live with each other but you’ve not even kissed me yet, let alone asked me out or…” you’re interrupted. Dieter is on his feet again, his hand trailing around your face. Intense eye contact & then the most loved filled kiss of either of your lives. His lips feel smooth, the way his moustache tickles makes you smile which make him deepen the kiss. His hands move through your hair & waistline, both yours are on his shoulders. It was probably all of 5second the kiss but time stood still & it felt so fabulous & just right.

“Okay”he says breathily as you break this kiss”… now will you…”

“No” you say before going back in for another kiss, allowing his tongue to explore. You know how good his tongue is, you’ve heard men & women leave his bedroom in your New York apartment thanking him for the oral experience of their life.

“Why not, I love you?” Dieter says as he goes in for the next kiss, you take a step back though, this is all too much to process for you.

“Dieter, I like you, a lot, & in a similar way to you, & yes we don’t have to do the whole getting to know each other but, I’d like to go out for dinner, take this part of our relationship slow, so we both understand each others needs & pleasures. Does that make sense, because once I am happy with that, you can ask me again & I’ll say yes” Dieter eyes widen, it’s not an instant yes, but he knew he’d get one, be it in a day, week, month or year, he’d give you all the time in the world.

“So that’s a one day then, it’s not a no?”

“Yes”

You both stand there & giggle & hug each other before you kiss his lips quickly & shortly. A simple peck but you now know these lips will soon be all over each inch of your body.

“I’d like to take you out to dinner tomorrow, if that’s okay, if we are going to do this your way, I’d then at least like one date”

“Dieter you should no I don’t put out on a first…”

“Bollocks you don’t put out on a first date, I’ve heard you get with guys on nights out or…”

“You gonna let me finish” you say a bit forcefully which makes him twitch in his trousers. It’s always aroused him when a woman knows what she wants & is firm about it. “If you’d let me carry on, I’d have said but with you Diets, your more than an exception to my rule, I mean it’s taken us years to get to this point” your blushing as you say this. “If dinner goes well tomorrow, I might just have to come back to your hotel room” Dieter is now also turning red. Often especially for the last year, has he thought about how he would pleasure you, if your cunt is to die for. He wants to experience everything with you & wants to make you feel special & sexy.

“Well if that’s the case, I’ll upgrade my room”He laughs.

“Why baby, all we need is a bed” he raises an eyebrow at you.

“No baby, if you consent tomorrow, you get the full Dieter experience, I want to treat you like the princess you are, such a good girl for waiting for me to get my act together. To have the courage to tell you how I feel” his hands tremble as they hold yours. He really is in love with you. “Anyone else whod have spoken to me like you have in the last 10 minutes or for the last few years if I’m honest I’d not care, but you baby, I never want to lose you. I want us to be forever. I want to organise our work & lives so we’re in the same continent at the same time & I really just want you to be happy, that’s all I’ve ever wanted. Just to see you smile once a day.”

“That’s all I ever aspire to Diets…” you take a deep breath. “I want you to be happy no matter what you do, & if that means I’m just a friend, a room mate, a lover or more, I’ve always been happy to wait because just 5minutes with you feels like a life time of memories” both yours & Dieters eyes fill as you speak. He knows you love him. & so do you. But you just want to wait. Those 3 little words will fall from your lips soon. But your lips are once again preoccupied with Dieters, making out as the moon rises behind the autumnal leaves.

You phone buzzes & causes the two of you to break from the kiss. It’s your sister.

*when you two are done renewing your wedding vows before you even agree to them, the Chinese is getting cold.

“Lying bitch”you say & Dieter smiles.

“Who”

“Jen, she said…”you look at Dieter”you already knew the Chinese was here didn’t you?” You playfully hit Dieter & he scoops you up & carries you inside as you scream in hysterics. “Diets put me down”

“Never” you kick & laugh & Jen & Lance roll their eyes as he brings you back in. He puts you down. “I’m never letting go of you again babes” He kisses you & then apologised to Jen & Lance.

“Well it took you long enough to ask her Dieter” Lance says.

“We can’t all meet the love of our lives at the first day of college can we, sometimes it just takes a little time to realise what you want in life” Dieter says as you realise that enough food was ordered for all four of us.

“I know what I want Diets…” you mumble into another sweet kiss, his lips now feel like they have been yours for years. “I want you” a small sigh happens & then you both say in unison. “& some chilly beef” you both laugh & sit down to eat with your family, with Dieter now a firm addition to to your life as more than just a friend.

[explosionshark]

top 5 horror book recommendations? it's spooky season and i need to get my read on...

Hell yeah! Gonna break this down a little. First an obligatory rehash of books I always recommend for this, these are like all-time faves for me

Wounds/North American Lake Monsters by Nathan Ballingrud - can't choose between these two, so they're tied for my favorite single author short story collection. Nathan Ballingrud is one of my favorite writers of all time

Her Body and Other Parties by Carmen Maria Machado - a very very close second for my favorite single-author short story collection. Machado is a beautiful writer and finding an author writing such powerful horror from a queer woman's perspective was world changing for me.

The Haunting of Hill House by Shirley Jackson - COME ON!!!! You might have already read this but consider reading it again! Absolute classic.

The Cipher by Kathe Koja - dark, fucked up meditation on art and addiction and toxic relationships. I think about this book all the time. A guy finds a weird hole in his apartment basement and then everything goes wrong (first slowly and then very very quickly)

Red X by David Demchuk - talked about this a lot before too but I really do love it. Fictional story inspired by real life serial killings that took place in Toronto's gay village over decades. The author inserts essays throughout the book that makes it part memoir as well. A supernatural story about real queer trauma.

--

Okay with that out of the way, here's some recommendations for stuff I think would be fun for Halloween specifically

Echoes edited by Ellen Datlow - OKAY CHEATING I ALSO RECOMMEND THIS ALL THE TIME BUT IT'S A PERFECT OCTOBER BOOK!!! Fuck-off huge ghost story anthology. Huge range of tones, pretty diverse group of contributing authors, it's my all-time favorite anthology.

Slewfoot by BROM - this one's got major autumn vibes. It's a story of a woman in Puritan New England who's accused of witchcraft. It's also a story about the devil. Kind of. The print version has really amazing paintings by the author, but I've heard this is also good in audio.

Come Closer by Sara Gran - this is a great little novella. Possession story that really packs a punch. I can't really say much more than that, but it's not a huge time investment and I think it's really worthwhile.

Carmilla by Joseph Sheridan LeFanu - if you can, get the version edited by Carmen Maria Machado (she adds in some great footnotes and it has some neat art too). This is a classic and also quite a brisk read. The original lesbian vampire story.

Silver Nitrate by Silvia Moreno-Garcia - here's a new release for you! I always watch a ton of horror movies in October, and if you're anything like me maybe you'll want to read a horror novel about horror movies. This story follows a female film editor in 90s Mexico and her washed up actor friend as they help a retired filmmaker complete his famously unfinished last film, which he had been making with a former Nazi occultist before strange misfortunes and the occultist's mysterious disappearance forced production to shut down.

Okay that was double the amount of recommendations requested so I'm stopping here. Haha don't look in the tags don't worry about it there's nothing there you're crazy

[everlasting-glucksucker]

Info dump of my cringetastic Willy Wonka AU:

My head cannons for Wonka is while he's arrogant and overly confident at first, after the betrayal he becomes more cynical and self loathing to a point when he doesn't believe he should make candy anymore. He's at first too trusting, with the desire to tell anyone who wants to know about his candy but then he becomes overly secretive until he can learn to open up again.

In this head cannon/AU he's a grey ace pansexual trans man who initially is just friends with Wilkinson (first name unknown due to him naturally always being called his last name like how you never know the name of friends who go by a weird nickname) and eventually through the betrayal and Wilkinsons loyalty he learns to trust again and eventually loves him.

Wilkinson is a stern and quiet fellow who's been Wonka's friend since the beginning of his career and started off taste testing his new candies due to Wilkinson having a secret sweet tooth that he tried and failed to keep hidden when meeting Willy. He and Willy co-run the company with Wilkinson taking over the paperwork and such so Wonka can focus on making candy. He's also grey ace and is a cis gay man who is a service top.

In this AU though they canonically only have sex 4 times a year during peak business times to destress, Easter Valentine's Halloween and Christmas.

In my AU Wonka and Wilkinson are from a higher dimension with magic and better tech that was destroyed by the Vermisious Knids where Wonka was Wilkinsons knight and they fled using the Wonkazoid (a teleporter cannon in the web series game) and ended up in post WW1 England where an old man who lost his son finds them and confuses Wonka for his son Willy, eventually they learn English and a ton of other languages because Wonka is paranoid and a warrior but over time he becomes relaxed with our world with Wilkinson, but Willy is the only one to adopt a human name

So Wonka and Wilkinson are together in both a trauma bond, but also they were close before the war and eventually they form the chocolate business (Wonka falls for chocolate when the old man gives "Willy" his favorite chocolate as a gift) and then Wilkinson is in love with him but Wonka isn't in love yet. Then as they work together in the business with Wilkinson knowing how to do paperwork and Wonka the creative mind.

Ok so, Willy starts to open his heart more and trusts humanity and opens his factory where he starts to just openly talk about his candies and how're they're made because he loves to tell people and show off his inventions, meanwhile he's still working out and staying fit just in case the Vermisious Knids find their way into this world.

When the betrayal happens with the candy spies he still closes the factory, only now instead of traveling earth he fixes the Wonkazoid to travel into another world, Wilkinson stays behind to tend to what's left of the company and comfort his friend but he clearly understands he can't fix everything that's wrong. Willy travels the world's and ultimately finds himself at Loompaland where he becomes friends with the Oompa Loompas, in this AU he stays for a few years but ultimately the Vermisious Knids end up attacking this world and they need to flee. He offers them a home in his factory alongside the other beings he's met in his travels and they agreed.

He doesn't really care if they work or not, he mostly wanted them to be safe as they're his friends/family now in his heart

So he comes back after about 5 years of just Loompaland with a tan and wearing basically nothing (a parallel to what he wore in their original universe) and a small population who needs a home. Wilkinson immediately agrees as he sees his friend is feeling like his old self and they start to turn the factory into a home

As they're building the new Oompa Loompa village in the factory Wonka truly sees how dedicated Wilkinson is to him(a parallel to how in their original universe Wonka served Wilkinson as his personal guard as he was the prince) and it clicks something in Wonka that he hadn't realized he felt for Wilkinson but he truly loved the man. He had for a long time and only now in seeing just how much he would go with him to see Willy happy again touched him

The Oompa Loompas love chocolate as much as Willy does, as they had coco beans in their universe but they were spare and hard to get to due to the violent creatures that ate the Oompa Loompas.

[ismisetk]

Imagining WW Characters being introduced to Noah Kahan’s music:

Likely story is that Gus is the one who hears the songs first and he and Zoey absolutely love them and just know it’ll fit their weird and wonderful family.

Zoey gets some interest first from Ellie, Liz & CJ but it’s when she tells Josh & her dad about the line: “I’m mean because I grew up in New England”, they start listening as a joke fully intending to be insufferable about it and with one song it cuts through quicker and more accurately than any of their therapy

(Which Zoey knew would happen and was biding her time because she loves them but also wants to hit them over the head with a frying pan with how stubborn they can be.)

Then everyone gets in on it (they all should be in therapy lbr) and absolutely relate too hard but love it anyways. Jed grudgingly admits people from Vermont can actually do good things. Abbey never lets him live it down.

Thus follows my interpretation of the characters as songs/what I think they’d resonate with the most. If you can guess my top 5 characters, who are basically all tied, you get a cookie:

Ellie is so Paul Revere, bit of No Complaints too

Liz is New Perspective and Growing Sideways (& Mess too)

CJ is You’re Gonna Go Far, No Complaints & Paul Revere (and a little bit of Orange Juice, esp towards the end of the series and what I imagine life was like after - yes, I have so many thoughts)

They all think of Leo during Orange Juice though

Abbey/Jed & CJ/Danny are Everywhere, Everything

Zoey/Charlie & Josh/Donna are Halloween

Abbey on her own is Everywhere, Everything too but also No Complaints and Save Me (& a bit of Paul Revere)

They are all Northern Attitude

Jed is Homesick, View Between Villages - Extended & Save Me

Josh is Homesick and Growing Sideways

Donna is Call Your Mom

Charlie is Stick Season and Maine (and a little She Calls Me Back)

Zoey is Homesick & All My Love

Danny is Your Needs, My Needs & Strawberry Wine

Toby is Come Over

Leo would be Dial Drunk & No Complaints (and Northern Attitude would have really resonated for him)

[batmanschmatman]

Hello!! 1, 4, 10, 18, and 22 for the End of the Year ask game please 😊

ONE Song of the Year: My Spotify Wrapped claims for me it was the Placebo cover of Running Up That Hill, which is admittedly on almost every single one of my playlists, but I think it was actually Meet Me in the Woods by Lord Huron, because I listened to it a billion times while writing my NaNo project.

FOUR Movie of the Year: The Boy and the Heron, both because it was great and also it was the only good theater experience I had all year that wasn't a rerelease like Titanic and The Lion King lol, people at our home theater are very poorly behaved. ;;

TEN Something that Made You Cry This Year: LOL WELL I lost my job a couple weeks ago and that has been some VERY MIXED EMOTIONS including a lot of hysterical crying. It was an extremely toxic work place I was trying to get out of anyway (museum board full of old white men who hated me, boss is/was an alcoholic mean girl - no exaggeration, has driven home drunk from work lunches with her kid in the car and been blackout throwing up in her office after work events - who had a toady work bff who also hated me, no health insurance, making $26/hr despite having an MA and living somewhere where rents start at $2,000 a month) but my boss basically reamed me out right before Thanksgiving telling me I was the worst person ever, had a bunch of provably false claims about how bad an employee I was (never meeting deadlines, making other people do my work for me, never attending events or suggesting ideas for programs, all bullshit I had ample evidence to refute) and told me I could either quit now and be paid through February or be on like mega probation indefinitely, so I came back from the holiday like alright I quit, they're like cool actually this is a budgetary thing and not at all personal, we're SO SORRY this didn't work out also we can only afford to pay you through mid January, so now I'm unemployed applying to a million jobs and scared about money but also I'm free??? So there's been a lot of on and off weeping/grieving and it's kinda ruined the holidays for me lol. But also hopefully it'll pivot to a much better paying and stable job somewhere closer to home, so fingers crossed.

Don't get into the museum field, folks, it sucks here.

EIGHTEEN A Memorable Meal This Year: For Valentine's Day, @heystovepipeboys and I made a bunch of recipes from Last Dinner on the Titanic, which was SUPER FUN. I love historic cooking/baking and have had the cookbook forever, but had never made anything from it before and everything was INCREDIBLE. We made cream of barley soup, chicken Lyonnaise, chateau potatoes and asparagus, and then got eclairs from a bakery near us and the Harney & Sons Titanic tea blend, which is supposed to be similar to the special blend they served on the ship. We listened to period music the whole time we cooked and then we went to see Titanic in theaters for its anniversary rerelease.

TWENTY TWO Favorite Place You Visited This Year: hmmm very tough call. My parents very generously took the fam on a Disney cruise to Alaska this summer which was a childhood dream of mine, and wifey and I had an awesome trip to Old Sturbridge Village in MA for their Halloween event, which was probably the best Halloween themed thing I've ever done. They set up the museum with a bunch of themed performances by a bunch of traveling circus performers who are Definitely Not Vampires and everything was really spooky and fun. Would super recommend if anyone is looking for fun Halloween things to do in New England next year.

Thank you for the ask!! Hope you are enjoying a relaxing end to this weird year.

[destroyer-of-planets]

Ziggy Stardust Headcannons

-actually listens to music he himself didn't create. He usually listens to Electric Light Orchestra though, for obvious reasons. He rarely listens to Queen, but he highly regards Freddie Mercury as an innovative artist.

-he used to be incredibly egotistical, but is slowly becoming nice as he originally was, and, therefore, is becoming more sensible.

-he will always be wild, though, and can be very humorous, but not to the extent of Halloween Jack. Ziggy is mostly humorous unintentionally.

-he is obsessed with various countries. England, Japan, and surprisingly his newest obsession is France. It was after David baked quiche and macarons once and educated the guys were they came from, and Ziggy has been obsessed ever since.

-he is a BIG eater. You can find him snacking on things from time to time, and he does it everyday, when ever he feels like it. He is even capable of doing it before dinner, and can eat all of it, it's basically impossible to ruin his appetite. He sometimes eats crackers, biscoff cookies, Oreos, anything from lays, Cheetos, and even pistachios. I suppose having a strong appetite runs through his family line.

-he wears his stage makeup offstage. While wearing some powder wouldn't make one raise an eyebrow, Ziggy would literally wear green lipstick in public, and doesn't conceal his love jewel (an actual body part, above his eyes) he doesn't care about being an extraterrestrial in public as opposed to Newton, or even the Starman to an extent (we will talk about the Starman in a future post) but the point remains that Ziggy, if he ever chooses to dress similar to a clown (on Pierrot's level), he wouldn't care if people stare at him, it's kind of his thing.

-he's practically the Bowie character that is most open about his emotions. Yes, there are men that are very cold and distant, (the Duke), some that are just serious and strict, (Jareth, Celliers, Adler) and the rest are open on the condition that they are close friends with the other person, (Aladdin with Ziggy, but not Aladdin with Major Tom) but Ziggy himself with voice his emotions with the most random people ever, as long as they are not dangerous or Duke, who is and will always be Duke, and is potentially dangerous.

-due to this, he is particularly very chatty. Ziggy is… one of those very talkative people who will talk about the most random things if it's in their will and if they're obsessed with it, who are unfortunately slighted as too annoying or too weird. Ziggy would talk about absolutely anything from obvious things like space, music, and clothes, to important things like politics, the news, and other things, to complete unexpected things like what potato chip brand has the crunchiest chips, why mold grows on random places, or even why insects have six legs. That guy will run his mouth about absolutely anything. Just don't call him annoying, it hurts him, and he thinks being called weird is a compliment. 

-he does cry, and what he feels is usually genuine. While Ziggy has had a history of manipulating people into praising him and getting what he wants (it always has been something like money or appraisal) he was going through a tough time in his life and developed unhealthy tendencies like toxic positivity (and forcing it on others), being fake, and starting drama. This is not excusing it, because it was so overwhelming to the point where David had to step in and pull him out of the mess, and Ziggy is trying to learn and grow from that experience, and talking about it makes him extremely uncomfortable. Now, his emotions are back to normal although he now is too distressed to think back to those times. If he is upset, he will definitely tell you if you did upset him, and reacts positively if someone is nice to him. While he doesn't cry a lot, especially uncontrollably, he is emotionally sensitive and will tear up respectively (at a sad movie or if someone is aggressive enough to him) but he won't give in unlike Newton who doesn't take much to cry. Sometimes, he will if he feels it is important.

-the man cannot draw. While there are very good visual artists (Jareth, Halloween Jack, and even Duke come to mind) Ziggy… is definitely not one of them. Yes, he is especially good at applying makeup, but he can't do it on a piece of paper. If he ever attempts to draw himself, he will come out wonky and his hair frazzled more than it actually is. Do not destructively criticize him, for he will get angry, but he wouldn't mind constructive criticism or improving. However, drawing isn't really a hobby for him. He tried to make it a hobby, but it didn't work for him.

-he once tried to be a YouTube content creator. He tried many sorts of things, like reviewing makeup, a music channel, or even a stunt/meme channel where he would film himself doing embarrassing, weird things like people did when Vine was at its peak. It sadly didn't work, and stopped when a few hate comments got to him.

-somewhere out there, he has a Tumblr blog that he never tells anyone about. Not even his close friends. He has secret online friends that he sends memes to every night, and posts weird things like the most bizarre things and theories ever "what if we are in a simulation/ the moon is flat/ clowns are a species/cats know the secrets of the universe" as a joke at midnight spanning to even 4am, characteristic of a lot of Tumblr posts shown in reddit YouTube videos when creators cover "r/Tumblr". 

-he stays up late. Ziggy is one of those people that can go to bed at 1 am, wake up a 7 am, without coffee, and wake up in no time. At 6 am, he is as energetic as ever as opposed to the other groggy men. Lately, David has tried to make Ziggy go to bed at a reasonable hour, and even tried to make him sleep in a few times. No matter what, Ziggy will always have his unique characteristic Martian rockstar energy.

-he unironically watches cartoons. You know, like SpongeBob, the Simpsons, and even ones like the Regular show and My Little Pony, Friendship is magic. He even has made OCs for every show he watches. One OC he cherishes the most is his pony OC "Starburst Nebula", whom he visualizes as a female dark blue unicorn with a yellow/white mane. 

-he writes a lot. He has written so many fanfictions over his pony OCs, and even made one where a Simpson OC marries Krusty the Clown. Please, do NOT judge him. 

-he also has many plushies. He usually cuddles with one, which is a 627 plushie from Lilo and Stitch, but he has many more plushies. He has a Flareon, a Sylveon, an Eevee, skitty, Pikachu, Stitch, Angel, Reuben, Leroy, Sparky, Hello Kitty, My Melody, Kuromi, Luigi, Princess Daisy, Rosalina, a red yoshi, Blaze the Cat, Hatsune Miku, Ruby, Stella, and Bubbles from Angry birds, many cats and dogs, and even has tsum tsum plushies of all of the Queen members.

-he is fine wearing his jumpsuits, kimonos, and other stage clothes casually. However, he is particularly fond of sweaters. In the fall, he would wear thin ones with sleeves, and likes drinking hot green tea. In the winter, he wears very thick sweaters with thick collars and thick sleeves. In the spring and summer, he wears thin ones without any sleeves. He likes soft clothes, and hates wearing jeans as they are too scratchy, unlike Aladdin or Halloween Jack. He finds t shirts boring, and rarely wears suits and vests, as they aren't loose enough for him and cause him to overheat.

-to wrap it up, Ziggy also likes to browse the surreal meme subreddit. Don't ask. Just…. don't ask. You won't and will never be able to understand.

[butterflyrry]

https://www.tumblr.com/daisiesonafield-blog/652842632143372288/masterpost-of-all-the-times-miss-camille-rowe-has

To add: multiple times she posted about that damn ring within 1 week, close ups &stories showing it off, a few days later Harry was wearing it (so obviously staged). then all „organic fan pics“ of them „alone“ dropped all while 1 of her friends (1 specifically (Lauren cohen)) posted from same location & always quickly deleted her posts when people found out.safe to say that her friend took most of „organic fan pics“. Or the time she posted cows from out of a train to show off that she was in England🙄. Can’t forget that embarrassing „photoshoot“ of Harry taking pics with fans around New Year’s Day 2018 & holding her coat in every damn pic instead of her holding/wearing her coat herself (they were with Jeff/Winston’s) (coat she posted herself in end of December). how she never stayed at Harry’s place in London, bc she always was with her friends at a hotel/Airbnb (her friend posted multiple times). Or when she showed up uninvited to music cares thing when Anne celebrated her bday & everyone but her was wearing yellow flower crowns & she was just brought out to audience for 1-2 songs & then was gone again. Gemmas less then pleased face in one of Gemma’s friends story’s that night 😂. Can’t forget the way she was introduced on literal live radio before they even „started dating“. Or how Harry can go totally private & undercover to concerts (as he did so many times & we max got a blurry pic if that!) but at the Fleetwood Mac show back in 2017 we got 1000 pics & videos & not only that, got pap pics backstage with both!! oRgAnIc, huh?! Did I mention the times she „joined“ tour when he was the most busiest & literally didn’t have time? Example: beginning of November 2017. After music cares thing she was uninvited at, Harry kept his distance a bit & went on to tour Europe & looked more at ease than ever in last few months, also not wearing that red stunt ring. Then she turned up all of a sudden in Europe on tour after she had that insta meltdown (grocery shop bag photoshoot, insta story’s singing sott, wearing the necklace, most of her friends wearing somewhat Harry related costumes for Halloween etc) & of course posted about being in Europe! Harry had back to back shows: Berlin, Amsterdam, X factor Italy, Italy show & shenanigans there etc & X factor performance in UK. All those shows were within 5 days in a row! Traveling all over Europe! Yet she turned up & was gone like after UK X factor performance again (she had a shoot in LA, someone posted her being on set, meaning she had to leave right after his xfactor UK perform!) so why not turn up earlier when he actually had time? Or later when he was off again?? She didn’t attend any of his LDN or Manchester shows, not in 2017 nor 2018! Weird for being a „gf“ & missing out on ALL of his homeshows, huh? There’s so much more but I just wanted to show people how both (the Hamille and Holivia stunt) are really similar! The only difference is that the Hamille thing was to make it look more organic and consisted of mostly her trolling & announcing her whereabouts & introducing new stunt stuff „lowkey“ & to create a narrative for an album. Where’s the Holivia thing was right in our face yet Harry made sure she was not allowed to post directly about him. The few times cockburn tried, she had to take it down (pickle gate & his bday etc). Harry was obviously way more annoyed from Cockburn than he was from Camille, even though you can see that he didn’t mind Camille at the beginning & probably tried being friends, but this also changed the more annoying she got. not a coincidence that stunt stuff was changed & that Camille & O were allowed different things & that O moulded herself into a Camille lookalike after that Fine Line narrative… & I also KNOW that Camille saying she wished she could „tell her side of story“ doesn’t mean „Harry being an ass“ rather a NDA preventing her from spilling beans about PR stunt. She hoped to get more out of it publicity wise & after being made fun of or rather her new man in „cherry“ it’s not a surprise she wanted to tell the truth to look less of an asshole

Camille was before my time so I can’t speak to any of this. But I’m wondering why she’s suddenly being discussed again?

[sweetfirebird]

Seeing that North and South dvd ... who do you think would fit *that* romance plot line? (I could see a Bertie and Arthur. Or maybe a Zeki and Theo? Or - although I don't know if this might just be halloween, and I'm re-reading the Familiar Spirits series - a Will and Chester)

Well, the thing about North and South, is you've got class differences coloring part of the relationship, hmm or I guess coloring Mr Thorton's perception of that relationship a bit. I need to read the book again because I bet I missed a lot of that, impatient to get to the yearning. (I don't know if it's good or bad that he sees Margaret as above him and that she keeps insisting that isn't the issue while championing for his workers while herself also being a little bit against the mill owner dude despite herself. But she was also pretty against dudes coming onto her already, as I recall. So someone smarter than me is gonna need to do that deep dive at some point lol)

BUT, if it's upper middle class person comes down in the world financially and decides they will not be a part of Northern mill business life but also befriends the workers... (really need to read it again because typing that gives me a case of oh no did Gaskell mean well but uh fuck that up? But I have no idea.)

Where was I?

Sorry. Well the whole thing is that Mr Thornton is actually a good boss, as far as mill owners go at the time. He could just be better. And that Margaret repeatedly gets upset about this while he gazes at her with moons in his eyes.

Which makes them Zarrin and Joe, respectively. (Except Joe is a little more dtf initially, than Margaret. But Joe isn't a gentry lady or whatever in 1850s England.)

You COULD apply the situation to Tim and Nathaniel, but... either it would have to be more comical (Little Wolf *thinks* the mill owner is a heartless monster and keeps misinterpreting signs that he isn't) or... Little Wolf has to be the mill owner. Advantage to that one, at least, is that it eliminates Silas. Tim has to be a self-made weirdo in that one. A self-made weirdo who wants to do good but honestly cannot relate to normal people and interacts like an awkward freak, bless him.

I dunno.

But if you strip a lot of the class stuff away, you get hot and devoted socially weird rich guy who does not know how to go about wooing a proper (lady) gentleman and is so focused on that and these unexpected *love* feelings, that he misses the signs that (she) he is not interested in the wooing (for whatever reason we please, in that scenario).

And for that.... hmm yeah that's still Zarrin. Maybe Bertie, if he were a little younger and a little less wise and as quick to notice things like that the person he is wooing does not know he is wooing and also does not (want to) like him very much.

But that... isn't very Arthur. hmm

No, you are right. In THAT scenario, you probably could do rich, self-made millionaire Zeki staring moonily at an oblivious/not interested Theo... you just need a reason for Theo to be not interested.

That isn't the class stuff. Unless we want to bring that back in.

Ah, damn it, Gaskell! Tying labor struggles into the plot so we can't even moon over Armit.... Thornton in peace.

(Though I said to vashti-lives the other day, commenting on the new thing, that the ideal pairing is small bossy person and Richard Armitage in some form. It's true.)

[muskrat-john]

Annual reminder:

OVER THE GARDEN WALL (streaming on @hbomax, also available on Blu-ray and DVD) is near-perfect Halloween viewing.

Haunting, beautiful, full of New England weirdness and bursting with heart. I can’t say enough about it.