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pastelpastryblog · 2 years

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In love with my best friend💗 - PH-1 chapter 7

Genre: Everything (angst/fluff/ romance/violence/etc)

Main characters: Y/N (reader), PH-1/ Harry

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2 weeks went by and today is the day that we are able to finally see each other again, because it is the day our our trip to Ibiza. I'm super thrilled for this trip because I haven't been abroad in such a long time and all of my trips have been with my family only, so going on this trip with friends only, is so exciting to me.

- "Hello?"

- "Hey Y/N, I've searched for you all around the airport but I cant find you. Where are you?" Harry says with a worried voice.

- "Chill Harry, I told you I was in the Starbucks. You even told me to get you drink remember? Why are you so worried and jumpy. Is everything okay?

- "You know what? I'm sorry for being anxiou- ah, I see you. Let me hang up."

As I see Harry walk towards me, my eyes widened, my mouth fell to the ground. My heart started to beat really fast.

- "HARRY, ARE YOU OKAY? WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED TO YOUR FACE?" I say as I hold his face, examining the bruise and scratches on his face.

Harry took my hands and put them down from his face. When he looked at me, I saw that he had fear and anger gleaming in his eyes. That's when I knew that this had something to do with Kimberly.

- "Kimberly, she did this to you didn't she? answer me now Harry. She did this to you didn't she?" I say with fury in my voice.

- "She's fucking crazy. I didn't tell you about this because I didn't want to see you like this. I didn't want to worry you."

- "What did she do?"

- "Kimberly is still living in my dorm."

- "WHAT? HARRY, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?" I say with disappointment in my voice. I cant believe that Harry is still with that girl. I really don't know how to feel right now.

- "She wouldn't leave Y/N. The only time that we would talk is if we're arguing. I haven't slept in the same bed as her since the day I found out about her other boyfriend. She's just lingering around me and I hate it. I hate the sight of her." He says with a voice full of anger and hurt.

- "Okay, but how did you end up like this?"

- "She heard about our trip. She refused that I leave this country with you, so she did everything that she could. She threw my biology books at me and scratched my face so that I would be afraid to leave the house with a bruised face. She thought that having a battered face would stop me from being with you. She said if she cant be with me, then nobody else can. I'm not the type to put my hands on anyone, so I didn't."

- "But Harry, why didn't you tell me? I would have been there for you"

- "I didn't tell you because it could have been dangerous for you. Kimberly really hates you and thinks that our breakup is your fault. Not to mention, it wouldn't be fair for me to ruin your mood because you have a lot on your plate. You have school, a job and your side hustle. This isn't fair to you"

- "Its not fair for me but its fair for you to get assaulted like this? Let's cancel this trip. I need to go to her. I'm going to deal with her. How dare she?" I say as I become irate, ready to leave the Starbucks.

- "Y/N, no. were already at the airport and our friends are going to be here soon, Tim just texted me. Besides, I'm looking forward for this trip because I wont be able to see Kimberly for the time being, a week of peace, quiet and fun. And most importantly, I'm looking forward to spending my time with you. Its okay Y/N, I know what I'm doing when it comes to Kimberly."

When he said that he was looking forward to spending time with me, I felt some type of way. He probably didn't mean it like that, but he made my heart flutter when he said that.

- "Fine. Do what you want" I say as I roll my eyes. out of nowhere, harry bends down to the level of my face, and slightly comes close to my face. Harry chuckles

-"Whoah!" I say as I'm shocked by how close we were from each other. My poor heart.....

- " Y/N?"

- "Uh y-yes? " I answered hesitantly and confused.

- " Do you trust me?" he says with a hopeful smile on his face, almost like he has it all planned it out.

- "I trust you" I respond with a smile spread across my face.

- "Good, now let's go and find the others. Come on!" Harry says with a slight chuckle and smile on his face.

a few moments later.

We finally met up with our friends it was so overwhelming since we haven't seen each other in a very long time. but super exciting and fun because we had really missed being in each other's presence. Andrea was there, she used to be my best friend but we fell out because she used to talk about me behind her back. She always seemed like I was her competition. anyways, It's a trip that was designed for us to have fun, so I ignored all the petty stuff she did to me and I greeted her since I didn't want it to be awkward between us.

It was finally time to board our plane and because Harry and I had booked our plane tickets together, we ended up getting seats that were close to each other. Whilst being on the plane, sitting next to Harry, I was still upset with what had happened to him. I was trying to ignore it but I felt guilty for wanting to have fun, even though Harry was clearly traumatised from what had occurred the previous night and on top of that, I was also worried that Andrea would do something petty to me on this trip. I was really tired from waking up early but I couldn't sleep because I was just I kept thinking about what Harry must have felt when Kimberly was violent towards him, so I just decided to look out the window, to distract myself. Then all of a sudden, I felt a weight on my shoulder, It was Harry's head on my shoulder.

He looked at me and said "Y/N, stop stressing and enjoy the trip. Okay? everything will be okay. Now sleep, I know how tired you are." with a smile on his face and then he closed his eyes to sleep, and so did I.

We finally land, and all of our friends are making fun of Harry and I because apparently we were holding each other whilst we slept. They kept saying that we kept this it a secret that we were a couple. I was so confused and in denial that Harry and I were holding each other in our sleep until kept saying that we were a couple, I was in denial because I didn't realise that we even did that in our sleep so i asked them if they had proof and they did, they took a picture of us whilst we were sleeping, we were really cuddling and holding hands. I felt like disappearing because it was so embarrassing, but Harry took it well and asked them to send the picture to him because he finds it "cute". I wanted to vomit, I was so red from the embarrassment but played it cool by laughing and as I was about to change the topic of the conversation but I got cut off.

- "You're all so excited about this like they're an actual couple. Harry actually has a girlfriend and her name is Kimberly." she scoffs.

- "Sorry, but you know Kimberly how?" Harry says defensively with a curious but angry face.

- "Oh my Gosh,Harry. Why are you so defensive?” Andrea laughs. "Well, she's a friend of a friend since you want to know so bad. Thats how I know her. Is it so wrong that i know her? is it a crime that I know her?"

- "It's not wrong to know her. I just wanted to know how you know her because she's not from where we grew up. So please stop trying to put words in my mouth Andrea. We're here for a good time, fix your attitude before you ruin the trip for us all." he says whilst trying to calm himself down.

- "Woah guys calm down. please. Harry, its okay. Ignore her please." I say whilst worried, because I can tell that Kimberly's name has become triggering to him.

- "Andrea back again with the bad vibes. Who invited you again?" Jake laughs, whilst slightly being irritated by Andrea. Jenica pulls Andrea away as she's the one that invited her.

- "Don't make me regret inviting you Andrea. Nobody wanted you here but I convinced everyone to bring you here because it's not nice to leave people out. Please don't ruin it for us, we haven't seen everyone in a long ass time. So keep your shit together"

- "DAMN, JENICA!" Louis shouts whilst laughing at Andrea and Jenica.

- "she's going to cause problems throughout this whole trip, isn't she?" Harry asks me.

- "ugh...yup" I replied in annoyance.

What will happen on their trip? stay tuned for the next chapter.

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a-fence · 2 years

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Suit and Tie

Inspired by this post of pH-1

9:41 AM: Can you go shopping with me?

9:43 AM: Please?

9:50 AM: Y/N!

9:51 AM: Y/N!

9:52 AM: Y/N!!

9:53 AM: Y/N!!

You awoke to the incessant ringing of your phone and you wondered who’s trying to ruin your attempt to sleep in on a Saturday morning. You checked your phone and it’s none other than your best friend, Park Junwon. You groaned as you read his messages because not only did he ruin your attempt to sleep in, he’s also trying to ruin your plan of staying in your bed all weekend long.

Y/N: No. Please choose another sacrifice to go shopping with you.

Junwon: You’re the only one who gives me honest opinions about my clothes :((

Y/N: You have other friends!! Why not take Seonghwa or Sungwoo? Those two dress well!

Junwon: Because!!

And your doorbell rang.

Y/N: Tell me you’re not outside my door!!

Junwon didn’t reply but instead rang your door again. You got up to let him in, not even bothering to fix yourself in the hopes that it’ll convince him to let you sleep some more.

He’s unfazed by your appearance and instead turned you around and pushed you by your shoulders to the direction of your bathroom.

“I’m not getting out of it, am I?” you asked, defeated.

“Nope!” Junwon declared.

Junwon had ordered in breakfast by the time you’re done showering. While eating breakfast, he told you that he has a wedding to attend in a few days and you’ll be helping him pick a suit.

You arrived at the tailor’s and you started looking around. You picked a few and you chose some odd ones, like a red felt one, and a dark green one with what looked like crocodile print on it just to tease him.

“Really?” he asked, as he eyed the suits you picked for him.

You shrugged, “You told me you needed a suit. You didn’t tell me any other specifics.”

Junwon rolled his eyes but took them with him inside the fitting room anyway. He started with your odd choices first just to show you how ridiculous they were. You both laughed and agreed that it might upstage the groom a bit but he could probably wear it for an awards show or some other event in the future.

He opened the curtain for the nth time, donning a black suit with a white dress shirt underneath and he asked you to choose between a necktie and a bow tie. Your jaw went slack at the sight of him all dressed up. There hasn’t really been any event until now that prompted him to wear a suit and you’re shocked at how well he cleaned up. You’ve been staring for a few seconds and it took you a while to answer his question.

“Hello?? Earth to Y/N??” he asked as he waved the ties in your face.

“Sorry, um bow tie,” you chose.

He faced the mirror to put the bow tie on then turned around to show you. “I think we’ve found a winner.”

“Try the dark blue one just to compare,” you suggested, not really for his benefit but yours as you’ve realized how much you like seeing him in a suit.

You both agreed that the black one is better and that was the suit he purchased.

You headed to a nearby restaurant for an early dinner and you asked him about the wedding.

“I actually introduced you to the couple a while back. I don’t know if you still remember,” he said and took out his phone to show you a picture of the couple.

“Oh I think I remember them!”

“Yeah so do you wanna go with me? They reserved me two seats so I can bring a plus one.” He slid the invitation towards you and pointed where it said two.

“I guess. It’s not like I have plans on that day. I get to play dress up with you,” you beamed.

Junwon laughed, not expecting you to be excited about dressing up. “Let’s go back to the tailor’s after dinner to get your dress.”

After dinner, you headed back to the shop to pick a dress that fit the wedding’s dress code. You chose a dress with a simple sillhouette that accentuated the curves of your body nicely.

Junwon dropped you home after dress shopping and you spent the rest of the evening looking for hair and makeup inspirations online.

On the day of the wedding, you woke up early so that you’ll have ample time to do your hair and makeup. You were putting on the finishing touches of your makeup when the doorbell rang.

“Are you ready?” he asked as soon as you opened the door.

“Just need to put my shoes on and we can go.”

You arrived at the wedding and it was magical. The venue was at a garden which was split in half, one side was where the ceremony was held and the other side was for the reception. The aisle was artfully littered with white petals and the seats were clear acrylic chairs and huge flower arrangements were placed on every other row. A miniature version of that flower arrangement was used as the centerpiece for the tables in the reception area. A string ensemble was present to play the music. You almost teared up during the ceremony despite only meeting the couple once.

Junwon introduced you to the couple again when he had the chance after the ceremony. They remembered that one time you met briefly and they told you they’ve heard about you a lot through his stories and that they were glad to have met you again and that you two looked good together.

While everyone was eating, the host suddenly asked Junwon to sing a song for the couple.

“I’m not prepared,” he reacted.

You turned to him and fixed his bowtie, made sure it wasn’t askew, and flicked off non-existing dust off his shoulders. “You’re gonna be fine,” you reassured him.

He squeezed your hand to thank you and he got up and went onstage. He sang 365&7 for the couple which had everyone bobbing their head to the beat. He congratulated the couple and wished them well after his performance.

He went back to his seat and a few more artists sang songs for the couple. The sun began to set and it was time to party.

Both of you were still seated and the couple, determined to have everyone dancing, pulled the two of you out of your chairs and ushered you to the dance floor.

You knew Junwon could dance and was even some sort of dance instructor in the past, and you started to bust out the moves he used to teach his students. He covered his face in embarrassment and started to move away from you but you pulled him back and told him they don’t even know about it. So the two of you danced to the songs using his old choreographies.

The DJ slowed down the songs which the other guests used to take a break from dancing. Mostly couples were left on the dance floor who slow danced to the music.

You wanted to take a break from dancing as well but Junwon gripped your hand, preventing you from leaving. You indulged him and you put one hand on his shoulder and the other held his hand, his free hand on your waist. You swayed together to the music and you rested your head on his chest.

“I don’t think I’ve told you yet how beautiful you look today,” he commented.

You felt your face heat up and were glad he couldn’t see it. “You don’t look so bad yourself.”

“Thanks for coming with me today.”

“You know I’ll always go with you. Even if it’s against my will.”

Junwon threw his head back as he laughed, knowing how true that statement was. “The same goes for me,” he confirmed, making you chuckle against his chest.

He rested his cheek against the crown of your head and added, “I’ll stick to you forever.”

You lifted your head and peered at him. “Ya Park Junwon what are you talking about.”

“We’re not just friends and you know it,” he stated.

You gulped after hearing his statement, unable to look him in the eye. You’ve confirmed that what you’re feeling towards him is mutual.

This gave you the courage to look back at him again. You moved your hand that was on his shoulder to caress his cheek. “I guess it wouldn’t be so bad to spend the rest of my life with my best friend.”

Junwon gave you a quick peck on the lips, aware that he was still at his friends’ wedding and did not want to steal their spotlight.

The suddenness of his actions electrified you. “I hope there’s more where that came from,” you teased.

Junwon winked back at you in response, the two of you suddenly eager to leave the wedding early.

multiple prompts from @screnwriter

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softanddreamyhours · 17 days

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🌷 enhypen fic recommendations 🌷

okay i didn't add word counts !! sorry !! i only realized rn and i'm way to lazy to go and add them oops, some are long and some are short (it can be a nice surprise when you open the links)

lee heeseung strawberries and cigarettes - @chaconnenha heeseung x fem!reader, fluff, kinda suggestive (they kiss), badboy!heeseung ?? (he smokes) goodgirl!reader ?? (she doesn't smoke) this one gave me butterflies haha, super cute

nevertheless - @palajae idol!heeseung x gn!reader, fluff, crack maybe? (i thought it was funny) idk man this made me laugh out loud and it was also super cute

i don't want to be your roommate, i want to kiss your neck - @taeghi heeseung x fem!reader, fluff, angst (only a little), smut, best friends brother. yup i love lee heeseung and this made me go slightly feral

park jongseong no limits - @yeonzzzn jay x fem!reader, strangers to lovers, fluff, angst, smut. i loved this so much, like it felt real yk i can picture dear jay owning a restaurant.

teddy bear - @okwonyo jay x fem!reader, fluff, established relationship. this one made me feel so warm i just want someone to call me princess and take care of me

sim jaeyun act now, think later - @sankyeom jake x fem!reader, fluff, strangers to friends to lovers, down bad jake. guys this was so cute i was giggling and shit

erotic empathy - @simpjaes jake x fem!reader, fluff (maybe lol), smut, strangers to ?? jakes a virgin and reader makes him one no longer, idk i love loser boys

park sunghoon unsteady - @yeonzzzn sunghoon x fem!reader, exes to ?? angst, fluff, cheating? (not sunghoon tho) this was a bit sad but ended happy :)

ceo sunghoon - @hottestvirgin ceo!sunghoon x fem!collegestudent reader, fluff, smut, age gap. loved this so much, i would do literally anything for this man

kim sunoo mint choco hater - @sanrikis sunoo x fem!reader, strangers (?) to lovers (?), fluff. i actually love mint chocolate as a flavor so i cannot relate to this, but it was still so cute

misfit - @palajae sunoo x gn!reader, hogwarts au, hufflepuff!sunoo, slytherin!reader, fluff, strangers to lovers. i love harry potter and i love enhypen so yeah i loved this

yang jangwon kiss and no makeup - @soov jangwon x fem!reader, fluff, established relationship. jungwon is so cute and this is so cute and fluffy

kiss cam - @jaeyunverse jangwon x fem!reader, fluff, soooo much fluff, enemies(?) to lovers. um this was so cute and yes i know i say that for every fic but this was so cute :(

nishimura riki best friends can kiss, right? - @riki-dazed niki x reader, fluff, friends to lovers, there are 2 parts to this and in the second part they kiss a lot, so maybe suggestive? this was super cute, i'm such a sucker for friends to lovers tho

heart defender - @seosracha niki x fem!reader, fluff, enemies to lovers, fake dating, nikis kinda mean. i live laugh love high school aus so this was lovely

multiple members the perilla leaf debate - @jjunberry hyung line x reader, fluff, established relationships. this one made me happy bc i can be a little jealous sometimes oops

against the wall - @goldenhypen ot7 x reader, established relationships, fluff ? suggestive ?? just making out with enhypen basically

when their s/o calls them bro - @heeliopheelia ot7 x reader, fluff, suggestive for some?, established relationships. i never call anyone bro but this was still funny and cute

hugs in specific scenarios - @thejakeslayla ot7 x gn!reader, fluff, angst for some, established relationships physical touch is so my love language so this was great bc i love hugs

hot things they do - @atrirose ot7 x fem!reader, fluff, established relationships. these also had me giggling and kicking my feet

more than just friends - @atrirose ot7 x fem!reader, fluff, friends that are more than friends, established relationships?? friends to lovers is always a win in my eyes

( AS ALWAYS SEND ME YOUR RECOMENDATIONS PLS I LOVE READING FICS AND GETTING RECOMENDATIONS SO I WILL LOVE YOU IF YOU SEND ME YOUR RECOMENDATIONS AND FAV FICS )

#enhypen x reader #enhypen #enha x reader #enhypen niki #enhypen jay #enhypen sunghoon #enhypen heeseung #enhypen jake #yang jungwon #enhypen sunoo #enhypen smut #enhypen fluff #enhypen fic #enhypen scenarios #enhypen imagines #enhypen soft hours

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markster666 · 3 months

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INTRODUCTION / MASTERLIST - MARKSTER666 (18+) ♡

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Hello everyone! I'm a 20 year old psychology student with a love for writing. Welcome to my one and only writing (and shitposting) account. I have a hard time sticking with one fandom, but I mostly write reader inserts being paired with canon characters. I do take requests as well! Please check my bio to confirm that requests are open.

A lot of my content involves mature subjects and I strongly advise anyone under the age of 18 to steer clear from my profile.

MASTERLIST:

Last Updated: 2/29/24

Total Works: 22

Hazbin Hotel:

SFW:

Alastor:

Every Thought, You. (Alastor x Fem!Reader)

Alastor Reacting To Stereotypical Activist Gen Zer

NSFW:

Alastor:

Breeding B*tch (Alastor x Fem!Reader)

Tentacles (Alastor x Fem!Reader)

Cleanliness Is Next To - Oh Wait. (Alastor x Fem!OC RP Thread)

Good To Be Back On The Air! (Alastor x Fem!Reader)

Kinktober Day #1: Dry Humping (Alastor x Fem!Reader)

Kinktober Day #2: Face F*cking (Alastor x Fem!Reader)

Kinktober Day #3: Begging (Alastor x Fem!Reader)

Kinktober Day #4: Masturbation (Alastor x Fem!Reader)

Kinktober Day #5: Daddy Kink (Alastor x Fem!Reader)

Kinktober Day #6: Overstimulation (Alastor x Fem!Reader)

Kinktober Day #7: Praising (Alastor x Fem!Reader)

Kinktober Day #8: Sound Kink (Alastor x Fem!Reader)

Kinktober Day #9: Mirror Sex (Alastor x Fem!Reader)

Kinktober Day #10: Orgasm Control (Alastor x Fem!Reader)

Kinktober Day #11: Face Sitting (Alastor x Fem!Reader)

Kinktober Day #12: Lingerie Kink (Alastor x Fem!Reader)

Kinktober Day #13: Deep Throating (Alastor x Fem!Reader)

Kinktober Day #14: Roleplay (Alastor x Fem!Reader)

Kinktober Day #15: Food Play (Alastor x Fem!Reader)

Kinktober Day #16: Car Sex (Alastor x Fem!Reader)

Kinktober Day #17: Toys (Alastor x Fem!Reader) Kinktober Day #18: Uniform Kink (Alastor x Fem!Reader)

Kinktober Day #19: Morning Sex (Alastor x Fem!Reader)

Kinktober Day #21: Unprotected Sex (Alastor x Fem!Reader) -I skipped #20-

Anybody (over the age of 18) is welcome to show up in my dms and chat with me or put in a request! I don't bite.

It is NOT guaranteed that I will do your request nor is it guaranteed that I will do it quickly. I get writing blocks sometimes or I just genuinely can’t think of a good plot for your scenario yet but I’ll try my best.

SMUT / NSFW REQUESTS ARE ONLY CONSIDERED / ACCEPTED IF YOU HAVE CONFIRMATION THAT YOU'RE AN ADULT ON YOUR PROFILE. THANK YOU.

I have a pretty screwed up mind and will write about a lot so really, throw a prompt at me lol. I will also NOT do oc x oc, character x character, and character x oc.

FANDOMS

Helluva Boss

Hazbin Hotel

Five Night's At Freddy's

Harry Potter

South Park

SAW

WILL NOT WRITE (LIMITS):

P*dophilia

Scat / Pee / Vomit play

Female on Male Domination

N*crophilia

(If you have a taboo topic you want me to write about but I don't have it listed, feel free to ask!)

Vore

Thank you so much for visiting my blog and I hope I can hear from some of you soon!

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#intro post #blog intro #introductory post #pinned intro #hazbin hotel fanfiction #hazbin hotel #fanfictions #fanfic authors #smut writing #x reader #masterlist #18+ only #18+ content #18+ blog #18+ account #minors dni #sexy content #10/10 would recommend #SoundCloud

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gurugirl · 8 months

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He's Not You | bfd!harry

Summary: The aftermath of Harry's bright idea has some downfalls and he didn't expect to feel this way.

Word Count: 7.8k

Warning: Angst, emotional cheating, lying, age gap, alcohol consumption, mature themes, 18+ only please!

bfd!harry masterlist

Harry didn’t know what to do. Or if he should do anything. One thing life taught him was that people needed time to process any kind of upsetting news and pushing was not the answer. He’d give you time. He’d let you think about what he said but he wouldn’t give you too much time because he needed you to know he was still there. He was still yours if you wanted him. 24 hours. Then he’d reach out to you. Okay. So maybe he wasn’t giving you that much time. But he needed to make sure you two were okay. Because he certainly wasn’t.

And besides, not knowing if you were okay hurt him more than anything else. And he’d totally misjudged the whole thing. He knew you might not like it but it blew up in his face. He hadn’t expected you to be that upset about it.

And your reaction had him devasted. He didn’t even expect his own response. Eyes full of tears, unable to move from your building’s parking lot for nearly fifteen minutes while he retraced the whole thing in his mind and cried. Over and over again he thought about how he said it and how you responded and the way your little tears fell over your cheeks and your lip jutted out in upset. He hated himself. He’d really done nothing right at all. For the entire course of your relationship. It started with him pursuing you. And the rest was just the domino effect. But now he was so enamored by you, so crazy for you he couldn’t imagine being the one to break it off.

You’d need to break up with him if that were ever to happen. He’d never be able to call it off. He could think of no scenario that had him breaking up with you. None. Not even if you told his wife about the affair. He couldn’t.

. . .

You didn’t go to work that night. You called off and cried in every room of your apartment. You were feeling absolutely sunken. You didn’t even hate Harry. You understood it. Knew what he was trying to do and understood that he was only thinking of you. But that did nothing to make you feel better. Because then it was glaring. Your whole relationship and what it really was, laid out bare for you to see.

You obsessively raked over the details. His suggestion for you to date someone else. To try and have a normal life outside of him. But yet still see him in private.

That wasn’t what you wanted. You wanted to really be with Mr. Styles. Wanted to flaunt it to everyone, shout it from the rooftops, tell the whole world all about your man. But that was just a dream. A fantasy.

And what he wanted for you was his way of offering you something that resembled normalcy. Because what else could he do? Other than breaking it off with you. Which, if you were honest with yourself, breaking up with him would be the best way to go about things. If he broke up with you that would be the kindest thing for everyone involved. You’d be devasted but you’d get over him eventually as one does after enough time to heal a broken heart.

But you were thankful he wasn’t breaking up with you. He was just offering you an alternative to that. Because you did need something normal. Though you weren’t quite convinced dating someone else was the answer.

. . .

Harry had called you the following day to check-in. You were just getting out of the shower before you had to get ready for work. His words comforted you. His tone made you feel like you were still his. Like he still wanted you. You felt yourself smile for the first time in a whole day.

“When can I come see you?”

“I work this afternoon, and then tomorrow afternoon as well.”

“That’s okay. What about Thursday? You usually have Thursdays free right?”

You sighed and pulled your towel tighter around your chest as you sat on the edge of your bed, “Well… I was thinking of going out with Fae on Thursday night. I barely hang out with her anymore.”

“I miss you, puppy,” Harry spoke softly into the phone. And you understood that his quiet voice meant someone might have been close enough that they could hear him. And of course he wouldn’t want anyone to hear him saying that to someone he was speaking to on the phone. Especially if they knew he wasn’t speaking to his wife. Especially if it was his wife who was nearby.

And just that thought alone nettled at you. A dark cloak covered you again and the small smile you had when you answered the phone fell from your face. You were still feeling that jarring shock you felt the day before when he blindsided you with his offer.

But at least he wanted to see you still.

“I miss you too, Harry.” That was all you could say. You wouldn’t suggest another day to see him. Wouldn’t push for more. Or ask him what worked for him. You wanted to but you were tired. Not only were you emotionally worn thin, you’d barely slept the night before and so you were feeling very sensitive. The situation was delicate you didn’t know how to proceed.

“Are we okay, baby?” He sounded the way you felt.

“I don’t know, Harry.”

. . .

Harry gave you space. You only got a text from him while you were getting ready to go out with Fae Thursday night.

Have fun tonight. Please be safe.

Your reply was simple. You wanted to say more. Tell him to come over the next morning and help you with your hangover (you were positive you were going to have one). To kiss your headache away like you knew he could. But you kept it short.

Thank you.

“What’s wrong? Are you okay?” Fae stood next to you as you sent the text to her dad. Quickly turning the phone as you nodded and smiled at her you lied, “I’m fine.”

The club was a spot you and Fae frequented in college. It was like walking into a time vault. Nothing looked different. Everyone was dressed to get attention from someone else. The strobing lights flickered and people crowded together in the sunken area of the dance floor. High-top tables lined against the walls filled with people nursing (or chugging) their drinks as servers ran from the bar to the tables and back again.

Fae leaned in to speak, “So… I didn’t tell you, but Evan is here with a few of his friends.”

You stopped in your tracks and looked at your best friend like she had horns, “What? Why wouldn’t you tell me first?! I really don’t want to deal with that tonight, Fae!”

She held on to your forearm, “I know. I’m sorry. But I knew if I told you, you wouldn’t come and I just want you to have some fun tonight. He promised he’d be on his best behavior.”

Evan was a super cocky asshole. But he was hot. He was loosely associated with your friend group. Had moved to the state to attend the university you went to and you hooked up with him a time or two. Three times actually. You remembered them vividly.

But after the third time you hooked up you learned he told some of your friends about it. Had bragged that he took your virginity (which was true) and made it clear that he’d been doing it just for the challenge of bagging a virgin.

So after that, you stopped talking to him. Blocked his number and every aspect of him on social media. And every time you saw him at a party or in passing you ignored him. Though he never seemed phased by your attitude toward him. He continued to flirt with you, compliment you, and tell you how pretty you were. He did apologize but he did it in a way that felt disingenuous.

It had been about a year since you’d seen him at all. And based on what Fae had just told you, he knew you’d be there. You just wish she’d told you. But she was probably right. You wouldn’t have come had you known.

. . .

“You okay, babe?” Harry’s wife asked him, popping her head into his study as he sat at his desk with a pout.

“Oh… yeah I’m fine. Was just deep in thought.”

She stepped in and walked toward him before leaning her hip against his oak desk, “You seem… well, just a little sad lately. Kind of like something is weighing heavy on you. For the past few days especially. Just want to make sure everything’s okay.”

Harry knew he was affected by you. Knew that what had happened between you two was his fault but he didn’t know what to do about it. Didn’t know how to make himself feel better. He hated that you were hurt by his suggestion. Hated himself. Hated that you were out at some club with Fae only a few days after he suggested you go out and date someone.

What if you met someone? What if you realized that meeting and dating and being with a man your age who you could go on dates with and hold hands with openly and who you could gush over with your best friend was actually way better than secretly dating a married man twice your age?

He felt his wife’s fingers run through his hair, “See? Like this. You seem so… distant, Harry.”

“Sorry. I don’t know. Maybe I’m coming down with something. I’ve been feeling off a little. Kind of tired and… probably not drinking enough water,” he watched his wife to gauge her reaction. Of course it wasn’t lack of water that had his heart crumbling and his gut twisted in knots. But he would never be able to admit the cause to his wife.

After forcing himself to get up and gulp down a glass of water at his wife’s behest, he noted the time, 11:56 pm. He wondered what you were up to. If you were dancing with someone. If you were okay.

“We should go to bed, Harry. It’s late.”

He didn’t want to go to bed. He wanted to drive to the club, go inside, and check on you. See with his own eyes what you were doing and who you were doing it with. But that was absolute nonsense. He needed to get a grip on himself.

. . .

Evan was nice. Really nice. And he looked even better than he had the last time you saw him. You could tell he’d been working out and his overgrown scruff made him look older (which reminded you a bit of Harry in a way and if you squinted he had the build of Harry too).

So when you and Fae finally decided to call it a night Evan hopped in the taxi with you two and he went back with you to your place. The whole time Fae kept giving you the, “I told you so,” look. Fae was dropped off at her apartment first.

You were right on the edge of drunk. But so was Evan. You couldn’t stop your brain from imagining he was Harry. You did try, but you had had just enough alcohol that he kind of looked like Harry. His voice wasn’t as sexy and his hands were a little smoother.

And when you tried flirting and teasing with him when you got him on your couch he didn’t give you that back-and-forth that you loved with Harry. He just dove right in. His hot mouth slobbered against yours and you allowed yourself to settle into it. Pulling your dress up over your thighs and letting him pull your panties down.

But instead of him placing himself between your legs and eating you out like you assumed he would do (Harry had really spoiled you) he began to pull his own pants down, nearly tripping because he wasn’t stable. His balance was off and you laughed at him.

You cupped him, his underwear covering whatever he had going on underneath, and realized he was not hard. Not at all.

He pushed your hand away and sat down next to you on your couch, his pants still at his ankles, and laughed in disbelief, “I’m fucking too drunk. I’m sorry, Y/n. Fuck.” He put his hands over his face and settled his head back into your couch.

This was the first time you’d ever experienced it. What they called whisky dick. You didn’t realize that Evan had had so much to drink that he couldn’t get it up.

Pulling your dress back down you looked at your thighs and at the floor where your dry panties were lying and realized, he hadn’t even gotten you anywhere near worked up. You weren’t climbing up the wall to have him fuck you (not that he could with a limp dick anyway) the way you did with Harry.

You squeezed your eyes closed and shook your head. You didn’t know what you were doing. It was too soon to jump into anything with anyone. Maybe a part of you felt like if you fucked someone else you’d feel better about it all because then you’d be serving a little bit of pain to Harry in the way he’d served it to you.

“It’s okay, Evan. Seriously. You can sleep here on the couch. I can take you home in the morning.”

He reached across the couch to pull at your hand, “I’m so sorry. This is so embarrassing. Maybe in the morning when we’re both sobered up, I can try again.”

You scoffed at the idea and looked at him as if he were joking, “Uh… we’ll see.”

You climbed into your bed feeling like you’d just hit a wall. Not just because you were so tired but because everything you did reminded you of Harry.

You missed him. You knew that even if Harry had had too much to drink to get hard he’d have held you and whispered soft words into your ear until you fell asleep. But you couldn’t imagine him drinking like that. Getting just drunk enough that he couldn’t get it up. That didn’t seem like something that would ever happen to him.

You texted him. You were sure it would be a bad idea. Something you’d regret in the morning but you just wanted to reach out. To give him something. To give yourself something.

Wish you were here.

You sighed and plugged your phone in and laid flat on your bed. You tried to fall asleep. Tried to push down your disappointment (in yourself, in the situation) but you just kept thinking of how you had really messed up big time. Falling for your best friend’s dad? Huge fuck up.

Your phone chimed and you sat up to see a text back from Harry.

Are you safe at home now, pup?

You grinned and felt your heart flutter at the term of endearment he had begun using for you.

I am. I brought someone back with me but he’s not you.

You weren’t sure why you told him that. You didn’t need to. But part of you wanted him to know. Wanted to be honest with him in every way. Felt he was owed the truth. More than likely, though, you told him because you hoped in a tiny tiny way that he’d be a little jealous. And of course there was the alcohol doing much of the thinking for you.

He read your message but as the seconds turned into minutes of being left on read you wondered if it was a mistake to tell him that. Wondered if maybe you should have only said that to him in person.

And so you quickly typed out another text at the five minute mark.

Nothing happened, though. I don’t want anyone else.

More minutes passed. You weren’t sure if he’d even see your follow-up text. Hoped he’d see it before he decided to turn his phone off and go back to sleep. It was late. Nearly 3 am. He had every right to ignore your texts at that hour.

You were startled awake by the sound of someone closing the bathroom door. You sat up quickly and looked at your phone. It was just past 8 am. Still no response from Harry. In fact, he hadn’t even read your last text to him yet. Which had you worried. Had he maybe blocked you?

Your heart sank as you climbed out of your bed. You had a headache and your mouth was dry. You filled up a glass of water for yourself and leaned against your kitchen counter just as Evan came into the kitchen with you.

He was still handsome. You weren’t sure if you were seeing things last night but his kind smile had the corners of your mouth turning upward.

“Morning,” he half yawned the word.

“Morning. Water? Coffee?” You lifted your glass upward.

“Both? If that’s okay?”

You and Evan sat at your little kitchen table and sipped hot coffee and he told you about what he was doing these days and you told him that you were waiting tables.

He couldn’t stay long. He had to go to work. But he did stay long enough that you got his number and made plans for Saturday night.

As much as you regretted it all the night before, the morning’s clarity and Harry’s lack of response to you had you feeling like you were making a good choice for yourself by seeing Evan again under different circumstances.

He kissed you goodbye at your door and grinned, “I’ll see you tomorrow night.”

. . .

Harry nearly lost it when he saw that you’d brought someone back with you. He sat his phone down in his office and went into his back yard and found a dark corner to sit and cry. He was pathetic. A pathetic man. A terrible husband. A man who pushed his lover away into the arms of another.

He wanted to rip his hair out and break his phone in half. Wanted to drive to your apartment, beat down your door, and end the life of a man he didn’t even know simply because you allowed him into your apartment.

He saw that you’d texted again but he couldn’t bear to look at it. He shut his phone down and tried to sleep on the leather couch in his study but his thoughts wouldn’t stop. He kept imagining you getting wet for someone else. Begging someone else to fuck you in your bed. Touching someone else with your soft fingers and kissing them with those lips he loved. He imagined your sweet moans and gasps as you called out the name of another.

Needless to say, he did not get any sleep.

He went to work, his phone was still powered off, and tried to push you out of his mind. Tried not to torture himself with all the images of you naked with another man. To no avail.

And then he made the mistake of checking on Fae’s Instagram stories from the night before from his work computer. You were there with Fae wearing something that would have any man on his knees. It would certainly have him on his knees for you.

Your big smile and shining eyes in the photo indicated you were having fun. But then a blurry photo of you dancing with a man had Harry pausing the reel and trying to scroll in. He wanted a look at this guy. No one was tagged in the post so he didn’t even get a name but now he was officially in the pits. His stomach felt like curdled milk was boiling and sloshing inside and his heart was pounding so hard in his chest that he had to place his palm over it to make sure he was still alive and that he wasn’t having some kind of heart attack or something.

He ran to the bathroom and unloaded whatever it was he ate that morning. He couldn’t even remember what he’d eaten he’d been so distraught by the idea of you being with anyone else.

“This was your idea you fucking idiot,” he scolded himself in a whisper as he wiped his mouth and then his tears.

It was his idea. And it was a terrible one. He thought he could handle it. But he was weak. How were you able to deal with the fact that he was married and yet he couldn’t even bear to look at a blurry photo of you dancing with someone else? You were far stronger than he was.

Back in his office, he decided to put himself out of his misery and power his phone back up. Read the text you sent and then insist on going to see you. He wouldn’t take no for an answer. He needed to see you.

But what he read was not what he expected at all. In fact, had he just read it when you first sent it, it would have saved him the amount of anguish he’d gone through. He’d tortured himself for no reason at all. But he figured he deserved it.

Nothing happened. You didn’t want anyone else.

He let out a deep breath and closed his eyes. You didn’t want anyone else. The relief that covered him was vast. Like the painkiller his doctor gave him when he tore his ACL. He had been in such pain after the surgery and the prescription painkillers were just there on his bedside as he recovered. He didn’t want to take them. Figured he could tough it out because he was tough. But then when he lost sleep and began to sweat and feel immense nausea from the severe pain he felt he was urged him to take the painkiller. And oh boy was that the right move. He’d wasted so much time trying to be tough and get through it without the aid. All he had to do was swallow the pill and wait twenty minutes and he’d feel better.

And now he felt better just reading your text. Why had he waited? Why had he allowed himself to get to the point of throwing up? Still, he knew he needed to see you. Needed to kiss you and hold you and apologize for suggesting such a thing to you. He hoped you’d forgive him and that you’d want things to go back to how they’d been before. To how they’d been before he’d been such a dumbass with what he thought was a bright idea.

. . .

I need to see you. Can I come over tomorrow night?

The text from Harry had you buzzing and spinning. He finally texted you back. You wanted so badly for him to come over. Instead of seeing Evan. In fact, you were panicking over your decision that morning to accept a date with him. You kept going back and forth. Was it a good idea? Should you call him and tell him that you’d changed your mind?

Staring down at your phone in the employee breakroom you didn’t know what to say to Harry. You were still feeling upset and anger over the situation. Maybe a date would be exactly what you needed somehow. Maybe it would also give perspective to Harry. Not that you were using Evan as a social experiment or to make Harry jealous. Were you? You didn’t know anymore.

Rather than text him back right away you got back to work and turned your phone off. You weren’t sure how you would respond to him quite yet. You needed time to decide if you were even going to go on the date with Evan after all.

And just like every time you finished a shift, your feet were sore and your brain was tired. But unlike every time you finished a shift, this time you were overthinking about every little detail with Harry and Evan. You pushed it down while you waited tables and finished up your night, but once you got home the floodgates of doubt, regret, anger, and hurt all came pouring out.

You had to text Harry back. Give him something. But you didn’t know what.

Hi. I’m not sure. I have plans. I do want to see you, though.

That was as much as you could give him. You didn’t know what you were doing. Nothing made any sense to you anymore.

Plans? Can I call you right now?

You sighed and sat down on your bed. The thing about hearing his voice was that it often had you all melty for him. You were worried that somehow just listening to him would make you want to immediately cancel your date with Evan. Which you still hadn’t decided what you were going to do.

But, despite all that, you dialed Harry’s number and put him on speaker. You didn’t want to have a video call with him this time. You weren’t feeling cute.

The phone rang a few times before you suddenly heard his voice break through the speaker, “Hello?”

“Hi, Harry.”

“Sweetheart, hi. How are you?”

You closed your eyes to compose yourself. Of course, just him calling you sweetheart in that deep tone was doing things to your resolve. “I’m okay. Just got off work a bit ago.”

“Yeah? And how was it? Did you keep yourself hydrated?”

He was always concerned about your state of hydration at work after one time you didn’t have a single sip of water all day and admitted it to him (you’d been too busy!).

You laughed, “I stayed hydrated. And it was okay. Got some pretty good tips tonight.”

You could hear Harry hum in acknowledgment, “Good. And what plans do you have tomorrow night, then?”

Gulping down your uncertainty you sat up straight on your bed for confidence, “Uh… a date. The guy I saw last night. But like I said, nothing happened with–“

“Yeah. I know. So you like the guy?”

You blinked your eyes and paused. Did you like Evan? You used to not. Not after the shithead move of spilling the details about what had happened to everyone. But that was years ago and yesterday when you saw him, it was like meeting a new person. He was kinder and gentler. More mature.

“Yeah. I think so. He’s someone that I’ve known. Went to college together.”

“Oh yeah? It’s not your ex is it?”

“No! No, of course not. His name is Evan. Haven’t seen him in a long time. He was at the club last night.”

The line was silent. You were sure Harry was considering your words. Part of you wanted him to tell you to cut the shit. That you weren’t allowed to see anyone else.

“Well, I guess I did suggest this didn’t I?” You heard him let out an incredulous laugh.

You faltered as you tucked your legs under your bum and looked down at the screen of your phone, “I mean. I don’t know still. I feel confused about everything. But maybe it’s good to just see. Like you said.”

In your mind, you were begging him to stop you. Wanted him to come over to your apartment and tell you that under no circumstances were you allowed to let anyone else touch you.

“Sure. Where– if you wanted to tell me, what are the plans for your date?”

You hummed and looked up at your ceiling, “Dinner somewhere. I’m not sure yet. Then we were thinking of taking a walk downtown. Just to see where the night takes us.” You didn’t like how that came out. How it might sound to him. But that was the truth. You hadn’t been against more happening with Evan that morning when you were making plans.

“Just be safe. I’ll have my phone on if you need me or anything. Okay?”

He sounded sad. You figured he was. Kind of like how you were feeling. It felt dirty and regretful. Telling your lover about plans you’d made with another man. Disgusting really.

When you ended the call you realized you did need to go on the date. Harry’s response to the news only made it clear that you should try and see what else was out there. He wasn’t budging on his end. He was a married man. He could have told you that he’d changed his mind and that he didn’t want you to see anyone else. That alone would have given you hope for something you’d been wishing for. But he didn’t try and stop you. He didn’t dare give you any false hope. Because he knew he couldn’t.

. . .

Harry locked the door to his study when he finished the call with you. He didn’t need his wife seeing him like that. Tears in his eyes and that sick nausea came back to cause him to feel broken all over again. He’d done this to himself. It’s what was fair. But so soon? He hadn’t expected you to plan a date so quickly.

He was going to absolutely be losing his mind while you were on your date. He needed to figure out a way to get out of the house so his wife didn’t question his sudden low mood.

“Fuck…” he whispered to himself as he sat down on the hardwood floor next to his desk. What was he doing? Why had his life come to this? It was his fault. He recognized it. He’d been weak and lusting after you long before he made any moves.

It was the night of Fae’s 22nd birthday. About two years ago. They threw a big party with all of Fae’s friends. You showed up early to their house, which wasn’t out of the norm for you, being Fae’s best friend. But Fae hadn’t arrived yet and Mrs. Styles was just on her way back with the cake. Harry was in the backyard setting the chairs and cups and fixing up loose ends. It was just the two of you.

“Mr. Styles!” You snuck up behind, startling him.

He turned quickly and was caught off guard by your outfit. You were dressed for a party. A pretty thin yellow dress with small white polka dots. The top part was well fitted around your breasts and tapered at your waist where the skirt was a little more flowy and knee length. It wasn’t inappropriate and didn’t show too much skin but there was something about the way you looked in it that had him taken aback. You looked so grown. Stunning.

“Hi, Y/n. How are you, dear?” He pulled you in for a hug and he didn’t know what it was about the hug either. You were warm and had pressed your body into his and it riled something inside of him.

When he pulled away from you he kept his eyes on yours and he noticed your lips and how soft your skin was on your cheeks. Your big round eyes took him in and it felt like you were both looking at one another in a different light for the first time.

“Uh… can I help you with anything?” You quickly spoke. Suddenly appearing nervous.

“Oh… no. That’s okay. We’re pretty much done here,” he looked around the backyard and back toward you.

You turned and looked toward the house and then to him, “Is anyone else here?”

“No. Just us.”

You smiled and looked down at the grass and then backed up slightly, planting your gaze back on his, “Well, I can go back inside. Don’t want to bother you or–“

And in some moment of clarity or insanity, he couldn’t be sure, he stepped forward and wrapped his hand around your wrist, “It’s okay. You’re never a bother, Y/n.”

You looked down at where he was touching you and back into his eyes. The moment felt so intimate. So real. He watched your lips part the slightest.

“Oh. Okay.” Was all you could muster to say.

You were clearly affected by his touch. But so was Harry. His hands on your wrist felt sizzling. He couldn’t explain it. Sure he’d always seen a pretty girl when he looked at you but there was something different about you on that day.

During the party, Harry noticed that his eyes kept meeting yours. It was unspoken but the continuous search for one another didn’t stop all night. He hoped no one else saw it. He was sure no one did. And it wasn’t as if anything had really happened anyway. It was innocent. Just frequent gazes from opposite sides of the yard.

Before you left for the night you helped clean up. You found Mr. Styles boxing up the string lights and he stood up when he saw you approach him. He wasn’t sure if you were seeking him out at that very moment on purpose or not, but no one else was around to witness what you did next.

You gently reached for his hand and then stepped in to give him a hug, “This was fun, Mr. Styles.”

Your words were innocent enough but the hug was even more intimate than the first one you shared when you originally arrived. You put your arms over his shoulders and he wrapped his around your back. You both stood pressed together for longer than would have been seen as appropriate. It was definitely a signal. A shift of something deeper.

Harry turned to put his face into your hair and responded, “I’m glad you were here tonight.”

It might have been two years ago, but it was what had begun everything. From then on, he noted your longing gazes, just as he was sure you saw his too. But you both had never acted on it. Not until that day at your apartment.

. . .

Good morning, puppy. I miss you.

You woke up to see Harry’s text. It made you smile. You really were head over heels for him. You couldn’t imagine that Evan could rival Harry in any way. Couldn’t imagine that you’d be gushing over anyone else the way you did over Harry.

Morning, Harry. I miss you too.

It was funny really… here you were, about to go on a date with someone while texting another. While longing for and imagining another. Was it fair to Evan? You couldn’t think clearly enough to figure that part out yet.

Evan showed up at 7 pm. On the dot. Which you found nice. He took you to a semi-fancy restaurant. Perfectly pleasant and you were happy it wasn’t too over-the-top nice.

Conversation was good. Evan was fine. He had a lot to say about things that sort of interested you. He told you about what he did at work the day before and talked about his mother, who was ill. He mentioned traveling to Italy next month, something he’d been planning on doing for over a year.

But then apologized to you about how things had ended with him all those years before.

“I’m really sorry for telling anyone about that. At the time I was just… dumb I guess. It’s one of those things in life I’ve come to regret a lot. I was glad I had the chance to see you again. And do this…” he reached for your hand across the table just before the desserts were placed down by the waiter, who luckily interrupted the cheesy moment. It gave you the ick. You didn’t like that gesture. The hand holding across the table. Maybe you just didn’t like it because it wasn’t Harry.

The restaurant was located downtown so you didn’t have to go back to his car to drive anywhere else. You left the spot with full bellies and strolled along the sidewalks and went toward the river walk area as the night sky began to take over any leftover sunlight.

It was… romantic. Truly. And Evan had been nothing but a gentleman the whole time. And he was handsome. If you weren’t so hung up on a married man you’d surely invite him into your apartment at the end of the night.

But instead, he walked you to your door and you had to let him down. You did let him kiss you, though, but you could tell he wanted more. Wanted to have a do-over from the night before. You just weren’t there yet. Weren’t sure if you’d ever be.

“I had fun,” you placed your hand on his chest and pushed at him slightly for a bit of distance.

He grinned and tried to lean down again for another kiss but you ducked from him, turning your head as your eye caught glimpse of movement to your right. It was Harry stomping toward you with a scowl on his face.

You quickly looked back up at Evan, “Sorry. I think that–“

“Y/n. You should go inside,” Harry’s deep rasp caught Evan’s attention and he immediately let you go.

You could barely understand what was happening as you looked from Harry to Evan. Harry spoke something short and abrupt to Evan who looked at you in confusion, “What’s going on, Y/n?”

You shook your head and dug your keys out from your purse, “It’s okay. I’ll call you. I had fun and uh…” you trailed off as you turned to unlock your door, looking over your shoulder at Harry.

“Yeah, but… Are we done right now–“

“She’s done right now. I’m sure she had fun but she told you she’d call you,” Harry put himself between Evan and you as you turned back toward both men.

“But… I mean… Who are you?” Evan looked at Harry and then at you as if seeking an explanation.

“A friend. And I need to talk to her right now,” he raised his brows and stepped toward Evan in an intimidating stance.

You placed your hand on Harry’s arm, “It’s fine. He’s just leaving. Go inside.” You gestured toward your now-opened door.

Harry hesitated before finally backing off and entering your apartment.

You frowned at Evan, “I’m sorry. I had a good time with you. I will call you, okay?” You reached up and gave him another hug quickly before backing away.

The poor guy nodded and looked past you into your apartment, where Harry stood only a few feet behind you possessively before backing away and giving you a weak wave.

You let out the breath you’d been holding and quickly shut the door behind you the moment you walked into your apartment.

Harry looked distraught. He began to pace as you put your purse down. It was nearly 10:30 pm. Quite early really. For a date especially.

“So you like him?” Harry stopped pacing and put his eyes on you.

You shrugged, “I… yeah I guess. Why are you here?”

Harry clenched his jaw and you watched his throat bob as he swallowed and he looked away from you again.

“I don’t know why I’m here. I wasn’t supposed to come here.”

You stepped in closer to him and tried to get him to look at you but his eyes were anywhere but on you, “Harry. Can we sit down and talk?”

He nodded and immediately walked toward your couch, plopping down with a heavy thud and leaned forward to put his face into his hands.

You sat next to him and kept your eyes on him. He was very obviously upset. You figured you knew why.

Putting your hand on his back you spoke softly, “I had fun with him. But it wasn’t what I wanted.”

You heard him sniff and felt the sharp inhale in his back where your hand was placed, “Are you okay, Harry?”

Harry scoffed and finally turned to look at you. His eyes were red. He appeared to have been crying, “I’m sorry, Y/n. I’m acting like a child. I don’t know what I’m doing. I swear I was just going to take a drive to get my mind off of you being out with someone else but then I wound up in your parking lot and I couldn’t make myself leave before I had the chance to see you. I’m sorry.”

You moved your hand from his back and placed it in your lap. You weren’t sure how to proceed. Or if you should try to soothe him at all. Part of you felt like he should be soothing you. You were happy he was apologetic but maybe he owed you more than just a couple of apologies.

You stood up from the couch and forced yourself to feel the anger and hurt you’d felt when he suggested you seeing someone else. Forced yourself to go back to that place in your mind.

“This is what you wanted. Isn’t it? How do you think I feel?” Now it was your turn to pace.

Harry watched you as your body language changed and your face was set in a frown.

“I fucked up. Everything. I’m an idiot is what I am, Y/n,” he stood up and you watched as he neared you in the room, standing a foot in front of you, “I can’t– I don’t want to lose you but I don’t know how to deal with you seeing anyone else. Letting anyone else touch you. Kiss you like that…”

You shook your head and laughed, “Then why did you suggest it?!”

Harry closed his eyes and brought his hands up into his hair, pulling at his roots, “I don’t fucking know. Because I wanted to be good to you. Because this relationship is… It’s damaged from the beginning. Because of what this is. I thought–“ he shook his head and lowered his hands, looking at you directly, “I don’t know. It was never supposed to be like this.”

You crossed your arms over your chest, “What was never supposed to be like this? What does that mean Harry?”

Harry sighed heavily and moved forward an inch, bringing himself closer to you and causing you to tilt your neck back to look up at him, “Me and you. I never intended to feel this way. I thought it would just be some fun. But you know that’s not what happened. This has turned into something–“ he shook his head, keeping his eyes on yours, “I lost control. I’m not in control, Y/n.”

You dropped your arms to your sides. You knew what he meant. Understood him completely. But you wanted to hear him say it, “I know.”

Harry gently took your fingers into his, only slotting his into yours, but not grasping at them, “You do?”

Nodding your head you spoke, “Yes. I do.”

His soft eyes were making you weak. He always made you weak. “Tell me what to do. I don’t even know anymore.”

You shook your head, “I don’t– how can I tell you what to do? I don’t even know, Harry.”

He sniffled and nodded, “I’m sorry. I can’t help it. I’m changed. Something in me has changed since you– and I never thought that anything like this would ever happen but I can’t stop it.”

You squeezed his fingers between yours and pulled at him gently, “You can’t stop what, Harry? Tell me. Please.”

He knew you must already be on to him. Knew how he felt for you. Because he knew you felt the same way. Could see it in your eyes and feel it the way you touched him. You showed him how you felt every time he was with you. But to say it? Well, that felt final. That would be it. There was no turning back and he never wanted you to feel like that. Like you couldn’t seek a real relationship with someone who deserved you. Because he certainly didn’t deserve you. And saying it? What would that mean? It wasn’t as if saying it would cause any more damage than there already was.

He pulled your hands up and pressed your palms to his chest, keeping his eyes on you, “I’ve fallen in love with you.”

Even though you knew that was what he was feeling, to hear him say felt different. It made you feel like there was no one else in the world, just like your fantasy of being on an island with him while everything else was burned to ash. Nothing else mattered. No one else could ever mean more to you than he did. And that was scary. Because love, even if real and pure and with good intent, doesn’t fix everything. Love won’t make him yours. Love won’t have him forsaking his family for you. Love can’t make your affair okay.

But to hear it. To know it. You allowed his words to melt over you. To cover you in warmth and comfort. The idea that this man could find space for you in his big heart.

“Harry,” you felt your silly tears begin to break from your eyes. Felt his warm hands pressing yours into his chest. “I love you too.”

You heard him inhale sharply as he let go of your hands and pulled your body flush to his. He was practically crushing you and squeezing the air from your lungs but you couldn’t care. You held onto him tightly as he rocked you back and forth. He nudged his nose against your ear and you felt his warm mouth kiss the spot on your neck just under your earlobe.

You felt delirious. Maybe it was all a dream. Perhaps you’d ended your date with Evan and this was you dreaming of the only thing your mind felt comforted by.

He brought his hands up to cup your face, “I’m going to do everything I can to make it worth it for you. For as long as you can tolerate me.”

You smiled through your tears and laughed, “Will you say it again? I wasn’t dreaming?”

Harry closed the space between you and his mouth covered yours with heat and affection. Soft but carnal with tongue and a moan into your mouth. You couldn’t find your bearings in his arms with his mouth against yours and his heart in your hands.

But then he pulled his mouth away and rested his forehead against yours, “Y/n, I love you so much.”

A/N: I know there’s no smut in this one but if you guys know anything about me, you know I love writing smut. I promise I’ll deliver the goods with the next update.

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sansaorgana · 19 days

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Gale x reader, where she works at the 100 and gale thinks she comes from nothing and a hardwarding woman and he finds that attractive but then finds out she’s really from a rich wealthy family and he kinda feels betrayed in a sense

hello! 😊 thank you for your request, I loved it so much and it made me think of a Downton Abbey inspired scenario (just a little) 🥰 I wanted Buck and The Reader to have a happy ending no matter what, though, so I kinda lost control and wrote almost 6k words of this fic 🙈 long live the drama!!! 👑

reqests for buck and feyd are open btw 😇

Out of all the women working at the base, Buck Cleven liked (Y/N) the most. She was a local, British woman helping with the papers in the archives. Most people didn’t know a lot about (Y/N). She was a mystery and rarely talked about herself but Buck loved how eloquently she sounded and how well-read she was.

She was helping him to fill the papers for the Colonel and they quickly befriended each other. There was something about him that made her open up a little. They started to take walks in the evenings around the base and talk about their lives.

“Where are you from?” He asked her. “Somewhere around?”

“Yes,” she nodded and looked away quickly.

“We don’t have to talk about it,” Buck assured her. “I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable.”

“It’s fine,” she shrugged her arms, visibly uneasy. “What do you want to know?”

“Your parents…?” Buck took her hand gently and she smiled, allowing him to hold her fingers like that.

“They’re both alive if that’s what you’re asking. My father is…” she was looking for the right word, “...managing some land. We are not close, though.”

“So, he’s a farmer?” Buck raised an eyebrow.

“I guess you can call him that,” she nodded shyly and bit on her lower lip.

“How do you know how to use a typewriter and all those books you’re talking about?” Buck chuckled softly.

“Oh, so farmer girls can’t be intelligent?” She asked, playfully. “I’ve been working hard to get out,” she assured him.

“I know what it’s like. But I can’t imagine how difficult it must be for a woman. I admire you,” he nodded and leaned in to place a soft kiss upon her lips, taking her breath away.

She was confident, good at her job, intelligent, witty and to him she quickly became the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. He would smile any time he saw her walking by and he would call her a farmer girl, to which she’d reply pilot boy. (Y/N) reminded him of his mother. The way she had come from nothing and worked hard to prove her worth, the way she was so soft-spoken, so elegant in the way she moved despite her harsh upbringing. She felt like home to him. Buck Cleven gave her heart and soul. He was already thinking of proposing to her after finishing his twenty fifth mission. He didn’t want to ask her anything of that sort too early. He didn’t want to ask her to marry him and then die. No, he had to wait.

But other things did not wait. He was a gentleman and she was a proper lady but since he could go down any day, they just allowed the heated moment to take them one of the nights in her small office next to the Colonel’s one. It didn’t feel wrong at all. It was no sin to love and be loved. Buck could already imagine them growing old together and raising their children. He would take her home with him or he would stay in the United Kingdom. For her he would.

And then, a week after giving each other a physical proof of their love, an expensive looking black Rolls-Royce parked in front of the base. Buck was there, too, talking to Harry Crosby, as they both observed an elegant driver leaving the car and looking around, visibly lost.

“Excuse me,” the man approached them. “I’m looking for Lady (Y/N) (Y/L/N),” he explained. “I do believe she happens to work here.”

“You’re looking for (Y/N)?” Harry furrowed his brows and scratched behind his head. “I’ll go for her,” he nodded and went inside the building.

Buck was left alone with the stiff and elegant driver.

“How do you know (Y/N)?” He asked him and the man blushed uncomfortably.

“I’ve been working for Lady (Y/L/N)’s family for ten years now,” the man answered.

Buck was confused. He had no idea that farmers in the United Kingdom could afford their own limousines and drivers.

“Tommy!” (Y/N) ran out of the building and the man straightened himself at the sight of her. “What are you doing here?!” She snapped at him angrily as everyone around started to watch the scene curiously. Buck had never seen her snapping at someone for no reason this way.

She would get angry when someone was lazy with filling the papers but even then her annoyance had some smooth and elegant undertone. But the way she treated the driver was signalising a different sort of dynamic between them two. He cleared his throat and looked down like a child scolded by his mother.

“Lady (Y/L/N), do forgive me… but I bring urgent news from Rosefield Hall,” the driver told her and handed her a letter from the inside pocket of his jacket. “It is about the Earl of Peterborough’s health,” he added.

(Y/N) grabbed the letter and opened it nervously. She gasped as she read it and her hands began to shake.

“I must… I must go home…” She whispered and handed the letter back to the driver before running to the building where the sleeping quarters for women were.

Buck followed her, demanding answers, as his heart was already stinging in his chest. He wasn’t sure if he was ready to know some of these things but he had to.

“What is going on, (Y/N)?” He asked as she was packing her things chaotically into a suitcase.

“My grandfather is dying, I must see him,” she explained nervously.

Her grandfather…? The only man whose health had been mentioned was some Earl of Peterborough.

“I am sorry to hear that,” Buck took a deep breath in. “But what’s going on with that driver? The Rolls-Royce? Rosefield Hall? Why is that man calling you a Lady? Who's the Earl of Peterborough?”

(Y/N) froze for a second with one of her blouses in her hands as she was about to throw it carelessly into the suitcase. She looked up into his eyes and Buck Cleven did not recognise his girl at that moment.

There was something different about her. Something cold and unreachable. Something posh. Her glance could kill and he would rather face the Luftwaffe missiles than her eyes.

“The Earl of Peterborough is my grandfather. Rosefield Hall is my home. I’m Lady (Y/N) (Y/L/N) of Rosefield Hall,” she informed him and he took a step back, furrowing his brows. “What? You’re really surprised, Major? Did you really expect a farmer girl to know Kant or quote you Charlotte Brontë? I’m rather surprised that you know them,” she pointed out.

Buck didn’t say anything at first as his mouth opened slightly and blood in his veins ran cold.

“So, you lied,” he whispered, feeling his heart shattering into a million pieces.

“No. I have never called myself a farmer girl. You’ve been calling me that,” she shrugged her arms.

“I don’t understand…” He shook his head. “Why couldn’t you just tell the truth?”

“Because I didn’t want to be treated differently,” she threw the blouse inside the suitcase angrily and went back to grabbing other things. “I didn’t want to be teased by a bunch of Americans for being a Lady. I wanted to blend in.”

That part was understandable for Buck and it was making him feel better, too, to know that she didn’t want to use her titles for getting special treatment.

“But why did you lie to me when we were alone? I wouldn’t tell anyone…” His voice shivered and he hated himself for letting her see how weak he had become for her. He hadn’t minded showing emotions in front of her before but now it suddenly started to feel too exposing and too humiliating.

“I didn’t lie because I was scared you would tell. I know you would not, Buck,” she shook her head and looked into his eyes again, attacking him with one final blow of the coldness of her gaze. “I gave you what you wanted, Cleven. You wanted me to be a determined working class little mouse that you’d offer a better life one day. And I lied because…” She hesitated as she bit on her lower lip. “Because I wanted you to like me,” she admitted casually and closed the suitcase.

Buck was petrified as he watched her. She lifted up the suitcase and that was when he hurried to her side.

“Let me help you, Lady (Y/N),” he tried to make a joke to release the tension, still too shocked to process the situation properly.

“You don’t have to call me a Lady, Buck,” she informed him. “And the suitcase is light.”

“Don’t have to?” Buck stood still as he watched her walk out the door. “Well, thank you very much for being so merciful and allowing me to ditch the title while I’m addressing you,” he clenched his jaw. She furrowed her brows at him.

“Oh, Buck, that’s exactly why I was lying, can’t you see? But I wasn’t lying about everything, I can assure you of that. It wasn’t a bored rich girl’s game. I will contact you soon, I promise,” she gave him the last, beautiful smile and walked out of the room.

Buck kept watching through the window. The people from the base were gathered around, pointing fingers at her. She approached the Colonel and explained some things to him as he nodded. He had to be the only person who knew her secret. The driver put the suitcase in the Rolls-Royce’s trunk and opened the door for her. She looked around, probably searching for Buck’s face amongst the curious crowd but he wasn’t there. So she sat inside and they drove away.

Buck didn’t know if she had tried to contact him or not like she had promised because he went down a week later.

One and a half year later he was back and everything felt so odd and out of place when he was going through his old things. One of them was a black and white picture of (Y/N). He took it in his hands and caressed it gently.

After everything he had been through in Germany, he was a different person now. He forgave her as he didn’t want to hold any resentment in his heart. And the memory of her – even if it hadn’t been the real her – had been keeping him alive on the cold and scary nights. A tiny hope to perhaps be able to see her again and explain a few things.

“You’re still thinking of her?” Rosie asked, awkwardly and Buck nodded.

“Sometimes,” he lied. It was way more often than sometimes.

“Actually, she did send you a letter,” Harry told him. “I have it in my office, unopened. It came two weeks after you had gone down. I wrote to her that you had been captured by the Germans when we found out but I never got the reply. Do you want her letter?”

“Yes,” Buck nodded. “You could send it to the camp through the Red Cross.”

“I could have but there was no guarantee you’d get it. They’d most likely lose it,” Harry told him and left the room to go to his office.

“Did she ever come back here?” Buck asked Rosie and his friend shook his head while pursing his lips.

“No, I’m sorry.”

Buck nodded, waiting in silence for Harry to be back with the letter. Thankfully, he was quick.

“Here it is,” he handed Buck the envelope and sat back on the edge of the bed.

The envelope was elegant and there was a picture of the family crest on it. Buck felt uncomfortable opening it but on the other hand, such a long time had passed that whatever was inside, was most likely no longer accurate anyway. The past couldn’t hurt him because it was unchangeable now.

Dear Gale, my pilot boy, My grandfather passed away two weeks ago. I was close with him, therefore it is a great loss for me to grieve after. I know I have promised to contact you and possibly explain everything but there is an urgent matter I have to discuss with you first. I fainted in the church during the funeral. It was not a big deal and I did not make any fuss about it but my doctor insisted on taking blood tests to make sure I was okay. Yesterday I had an appointment with him and he told me I was expecting. You can only imagine what a shock that was for me. He promised me he would not inform my father for now, until I contact you. But he is my father’s close friend and I do not trust him. You see, I was not lying when I said I was not close with my father. I know he will not be pleased with my pregnancy. I am scared. Can you please come to visit me? My parents were opposed to the idea of me working for the military so they will not allow me to leave again, especially in the time of grieving. My darling, there is not a day going by without me missing you and regretting the way I treated you. The things I said, I wish with all my heart that I could take them back. I kept lying to you for so long but please, do know, I have never lied when I said “I love you”. I do not expect anything from you – I do not even expect you to take responsibility for this child. And I know it is a complicated situation since we are from very different families and different countries but please, I need you to come here as I have to discuss this matter with you face to face. Yours, forever yours and only yours, (Y/N)

When he finished reading the letter, his hands were uncontrollably shaking. He checked the date of the letter – 20th of October 1943. It was the summer of 1945 already and he had left her with no reply all this time.

If the child had been born in the meantime, they would be one year old by now.

Buck stood up so rapidly that he got dizzy for a moment.

“What happened?” Rosie looked up, worryingly.

“I need to… I need to borrow a car,” Buck told him. “I have to go to that Rosefield Hall. Immediately,” he explained.

“But why?”

“I… I can’t… I will tell you when I’m back,” it felt difficult to say all these things out loud. He was anxious about what had happened to (Y/N) and their child and he was in a state of shock after finding out about the child in general. The way she had apologised and assured him of her love had also brought him a deep comfort and relief. He had to see her and he could only hope it wouldn’t be too late.

Harry nodded, realising that it was something important and he respected his friend’s decision not to share the details yet. He ran out of the building to talk to the Colonel about the possibility of using one of the military cars from the base.

Ten minutes later, Buck was already behind the wheel, studying the map on his lap with Rosie leaning on the car and peeking inside through the window.

“Rosefield Hall, here it is,” he found it and pointed with his finger. “About an hour away from here.”

“I can make it in 40 minutes,” Buck said.

“Man, be careful. 20 minutes won’t save you after such a long time,” Rosie furrowed his brows. He didn’t like the state his friend was in. “Listen, I’ll go with you,” he proposed. “You’re out of your mind.”

Buck tried to protest but he gave up seeing Rosie already sitting on the passenger seat. He sighed and started the engine. On their way to Rosefield Hall, he opened up to his friend and told him about everything. Rosie’s eyes were widened throughout the whole ride.

“It’s like straight out of the movies,” Rosie commented.

“Thank you very much for cinematography of this sort,” Buck shook his head.

“Man, what are you even worried about? I mean, she’s some rich lady, what could have happened?” Rosie asked.

“What if she got rid of the baby? What if she’s married now? What if she died? Or the baby died? And I missed all of this?” Buck swallowed thickly.

“None of it would be your fault,” Rosie pointed out and then he gasped at the field they were approaching. “Look! Aren’t those roses?”

“Yes, they are. It’s a rose field,” Buck nodded. “Which means the house must be nearby.”

“You call that a house?” Rosie whistled at the sight of the mansion in the distance. “It’s a fucking palace.”

Buck didn’t say anything. Seeing a place where (Y/N) had been raised made him feel uncomfortable when he compared it in his head to his home back in the USA. He felt like a beggar on the street, knocking to get the first warm meal in a week when he parked the car on the driveway with a small fountain.

“Wait in the car,” he told Rosie and jumped out of the vehicle.

He was approaching the doors when they opened on their own and a grumpy butler walked out with a surprised face.

“Excuse me, sir, are you lost?” He asked.

“Is it Rosefield Hall?” Buck asked to make sure.

“Yes, indeed it is,” the butler looked him up and down.

“I need to see (Y/N),” Buck explained nervously and the man furrowed his brow. “I mean, Lady (Y/N)...”

“Who are you, sir?” The butler remained suspicious.

“Major Gale Cleven from The 100th Bomb Group,” Buck took the cap of his uniform off and squeezed it in his hands.

“Cleven… Cleven… Oh!” The butler’s eyes widened. “Come inside, Major,” he finally invited Buck inside the mansion. “You are lucky, Major, because the Earl is in London today and only the lady of the house is present. Please, do follow me, I will inform her,” the butler nodded at Buck and led him through the beautifully decorated corridors to one of the living rooms. “Please, wait here, Major,” the butler bowed his head down and left Buck alone inside.

Buck looked around nervously. The place looked like a movie set indeed. Perhaps there was some truth to Rosie’s words. He glanced at the framed pictures on the piano and the fireplace but none of the pictures was of his (Y/N).

The doors opened again and a dignified middle aged woman walked inside as the butler announced her.

“Countess of Peterborough.”

Buck bowed his head down, not knowing what to do. She laughed softly at that and approached him to grab his arms.

“Please, tell me you’re that American Major who got my girl in trouble,” she pleaded but there was no anger in her eyes, only hope.

“I believe I am, my lady,” Buck swallowed thickly. “Where is she? Can I see her?”

The Countess smiled sadly at him and pointed at one of the sofas. They both sat there and faced each other as if they were whispering big secrets between each other.

“What took you so long?” The Countess asked with pain in her voice.

“I was a captive in Germany for over a year. I’m back in the United Kingdom for a few hours, really,” he explained nervously. He had a very bad feeling about his (Y/N). The way her mother was so sad while talking about her, the way there were no pictures of her around… “Please, tell me she married someone else,” he mumbled out and The Countess furrowed her brows. “Just don’t tell me she’s… She’s dead.”

“Not dead, no,” The Countess explained and he sighed with relief. “My husband was furious when he found out about her pregnancy. She refused to get rid of your child, she claimed that she loved you,” The Countess broke yet another sad smile and Buck’s heart started to pound in his chest. “I tried to change his mind but my husband is a… stubborn man…” She swallowed thickly and looked down, uncomfortably. “He disinherited her and threw her out. I sometimes visit her, I’m trying to keep in touch and help her financially in secret… Oh, Major, please…” She looked up again into his widened and terrified eyes as she tugged on the sleeves of his uniform. “Please, get her out of that place and help her. You have a son, a baby boy. He’s a year old now and such a beautiful child. They both deserve so much better. She’s there because she chose you, she loves you… Please, help her,” The Countess sobbed.

“Excuse me, my lady… She is… where?” Buck asked, nervously.

“Convent Home for Unmarried Mothers,” The Countess explained. “Oh, Major, it is a dreadful place! My girl is slowly dying there, it’s so painful to watch. There is absolutely no joy and fighting spirit left in her anymore.”

Buck felt a stinging pain in his heart when he remembered his (Y/N) with her red lips and a wide smile, her sparkling eyes and her neatly combed hair. He couldn’t imagine her in a place like this.

“How could you let that happen?” He asked her mother, not holding back the anger of his voice.

“It works differently for people like us,” The Countess explained. “In many ways we are still in the XIXth century,” she added. “But I’m so glad you’re here, it gives me hope… Please, tell me you are here to take the responsibility.”

“Of course,” Buck straightened himself. He was a man of honour. “Just give me the address of that convent,” he told her and she smiled through the tears and stood up to grab a piece of paper and a pen to write down the address.

“By the way,” The Countess sniffled her tears back, “when you’ll be asking for her, don’t ask for (Y/N) (Y/L/N). My husband forbade her to go there under her real surname so she had to choose a new one for herself.”

“And what is it?” Buck stood up to get the papernote from her.

“What do you think?” The Countess smiled at him softly. He had a feeling but didn’t want to make an idiot out of himself by saying it out loud so he remained silent and allowed her to answer the question on her own. “She goes by (Y/N) Cleven there,” she explained. “That’s how I knew it had to be you when the butler told me who was waiting for me downstairs. Because (Y/N) has never told me anything. She kept you as a secret in her heart. She was always a stubborn girl, a family rebel of some sort. So desperately she wanted to get out of here, to be away from her father – for which I can’t blame her, he’s a difficult man – that’s why she signed up to help in the military,” her mother explained. “I know, though, what she has told me. That there were misunderstandings between you two, some sort of argument and she regretted deeply for the way she had treated you. Please, do forgive her. She loves you so deeply, like I’ve never seen any woman of our sort to ever love a man. A rebel, as I’ve said.”

Buck’s head was spinning. He was glad for Rosie waiting inside the car because he wouldn’t be able to drive anymore. He only nodded at The Countess and hurried outside, not even waiting for the butler to open any doors for him.

He knocked upon the window and showed Rosie with his hand to get out of the car.

“What’s going on?” Rosie asked and Buck handed him the paper note with the address.

“Take me there. I can’t drive,” Buck looked down at his shaking hands. Rosie only nodded and they switched the seats.

The convent was another hour away. This time they were both sitting in the car in complete silence.

“Do you think I can just take her like that?” Buck finally asked when they were getting near. The sun was slowly setting in the sky with a beautiful orange hue.

“It’s XXth century, Buck, I’m sure she can just walk out of there any time she wants,” Rosie tried to cheer him up. “But where will you take her? Do you think the Colonel will let her stay with us at the base?”

“I will worry about that later,” Buck told him. “I want to get her out there first,” he explained and placed his hand on his chest as if this gesture would calm down his pounding heart when Rosie parked the car in front of the convent home. It looked like a scary and unpleasant place from the outside.

“Do you want me to go with you?” Rosie asked, worryingly.

“No. Wait here,” Buck nodded at him and walked out to hurry inside the building.

“Excuse me, sir, we are closed. You can come back tomorrow after nine am,” the nun sitting by the desk in the reception room told him.

“With all respect, I won’t wait until tomorrow,” Buck approached her and she looked up, scared. “I don’t want trouble,” he explained quickly. “I’m a pilot from The 100th Bomb Group in Thorpe Abbott, Norfolk,” he introduced himself and she nodded her head. “For the past year and a half I’ve been a captive in Germany,” he added and her eyes saddened. “I came back today only to find out that my child and his mother are here. Please, I want to see them.”

“Well, I think we can make an exception for you, sir,” the nun had lots of sympathy in her voice. “Let me ask the Reverend Mother,” she stood up and Buck nodded. “Please, wait here.”

So he waited, nervously squeezing his cap in his hands and looking around at the religious images on the walls. Finally, the doors opened and an elderly woman entered. She looked less nice than the previous one.

“Sister Cecila has told me your story, Major. I am willing to make an exception because of your bravery and service, sir,” she said and Buck sighed out of relief, giving her a nervous smile. “What is your name, Major?”

“Gale Cleven, sister,” he answered and she furrowed her brows.

“Ah…” She hummed to herself. “I know who you want to see then… Follow me,” she ordered and he nodded before walking out of the room after her.

She led him through a maze of cold corridors into the staircase and then upstairs to the living quarters. They were in a renovated part of the building but it was not very pleasant either. Buck felt a chill go down his spine at the sight and when he imagined (Y/N) and their son in a place like that.

“She was sent here by her father with no savings at all. Her mother sometimes sends us money for new clothes and toys but Miss (Y/N) is not interested in getting anything for herself anyway,” the nun explained. “She only cares about her son. She named him Winston.”

“It’s my middle name,” Buck told her as his heart filled with so much love for his son already at the sound of his name.

“I see,” the woman nodded her head and stopped in front of one of the doors as she searched for the right key on her keychain.

“Why is she being locked up?” Buck furrowed his brows and the nun gave him a scolding look.

“Do you think we let those harlots run around freely at night so they come back pregnant with even more mouths to feed?” She asked, accusingly.

Buck’s jaw clenched, trying very hard not to react in any way to her awful words.

She opened the door and then she pushed them open aggressively without knocking first. Buck’s heart skipped a beat at the sight of a small and neat room that was almost not decorated at all. (Y/N) was sitting on her bed with a little boy in her arms and reading a book to him, her finger was pointing at something on one of the pages but they both got startled by the nun entering the room rapidly.

“You have a guest, Cleven,” the nun told her coldly and stepped back for Buck to walk in awkwardly.

(Y/N) gasped at the sight of him as she dropped the book down on the bed. Her little boy, unaware of anything, reached out his little hands to grab the edges of it as he giggled.

“G-Gale…” (Y/N) left the boy on the bed and ran up to Buck.

He felt tears forming in his eyes at the sight of her. She looked like a shadow of her old self. But it was still her. His (Y/N) that he had been dreaming of for all these months in Germany.

“I thought I would never see you again… I got the letter from Harry, that you were a captive. But I didn’t expect you to come back for me…” She sobbed.

“I came back this morning and have been looking for you ever since,” he put his hands on her arms to calm her down. “Here, come to me,” he pulled her to his chest to hug her and she twisted the fabric of his uniform in her fist as she hid her face in it. The nun squinted her eyes at them. “Can you leave us alone, sister?” Buck asked her.

“It is out of the question!” She protested.

“I’m taking (Y/N) and our son away from here tonight anyway. Get out,” Buck snapped and she made an offended face before walking out.

“You… You really mean that?” (Y/N) looked up and Buck caressed her wet cheeks. Her eyes were so hollow now, her lips dry and shivering. “After everything I have done to you…? You still want me?”

“I have forgotten already,” Buck smiled sadly at her. “I only remember how much I love you.”

(Y/N) sobbed once again and threw her hands around his neck.

“I will take care of you,” Buck promised and rubbed her back. He laid his eyes on his son who was sitting on his mother’s bed and playing with the book in his tiny hands but he was curiously looking up as well. “Will you introduce us?” He asked, nervously and (Y/N) took a step back and nodded, wiping her cheeks with the palms of her hands.

“Winston, baby, come to mummy,” she picked the boy up and he whined as he dropped the book. “Look, this is your daddy,” she approached Buck again as the boy widened his eyes. She kissed her son’s temple and handed the boy to Buck.

He held his son delicately and stared back into his eyes, feeling so much love and affection filling his heart that he was sure it would burst and explode any given moment. Little boy reached his hands out and caressed the scars on his father’s face. Buck felt the fresh tears streaming down his face.

“He’s so full of kindness,” (Y/N) explained in a whisper. “Just like you.”

“Pack your things, I want you out of here as soon as possible,” Buck told her and she nodded.

He kept staring in awe at his boy and allowed his little hands to caress his face curiously, giggling occasionally. In the meantime, (Y/N) was packing an old worn-out suitcase. Buck noticed that she was mostly packing Winston’s things and not her own. It made him sad to see her in such a state but it also filled his heart with even more love for her when he realised how much she loved their boy and how much she sacrificed for him. For all of that, he would now give her everything and she didn’t have to worry about anything anymore.

When she packed the suitcase, she nodded at him and they both walked out of the room where the angry nun had been still standing.

“So, you’re just going to walk out like that? In the middle of the night?” She asked (Y/N).

“I’m not a prisoner here, Sister Bertha,” (Y/N) reminded her. “And it’s barely eight pm.”

“And where will you even go?” The nun followed them nervously to the staircase.

“As far away from here as I can,” (Y/N) only told her and shrugged her arms.

The nun didn’t follow them downstairs. Buck and (Y/N) left the convent after saying goodnight to Sister Cecile sitting in the reception room. At the sight of them, Rosie jumped out of the car with a wide smile.

“Rosie!” (Y/N) ran up to him and hugged him.

“(Y/N)!” He picked her up to spin her around as she dropped her suitcase. “I’m so happy to see you again, we’ve all been wondering about you!” He put her down on the ground and he laid his eyes on the little boy in Buck’s arms. “And that must be your boy?”

“His name is Winston,” Buck told him with pride and Rosie winked at the baby boy who giggled in return.

“Let’s go back now, eh?” Buck told him and Rosie nodded. He picked the suitcase up and packed it inside the trunk.

Buck and (Y/N) both took the backseats with little Winston sitting on Buck’s lap. Their pinky fingers were touching delicately on the seat.

“I have only one question,” Buck looked at her softly when the boy fell asleep in his arms.

“Yes?” She turned her head around to look at him, too.

“Why didn’t you get out of there to find a job somewhere? You can use a typewriter and you’re well-read.”

“I didn’t have savings to get out like this. I was bringing this idea up to my mother but if she gave me more money, my father would realise. He is very controlling. I didn’t want her to be exposed to his anger because of me. And I… I just gave up, to be honest. My life didn’t seem to have any prospects anyway,” she admitted sadly. “There was no future for me.”

“There is a future for you,” Buck assured her and held her hand to squeeze it lightly. “Long and bright. I will give it to you.”

MASTERLIST || BUCK MASTERLIST

#sansaorgana: Answered #lovely anons #*buck #lilysfiction #gale cleven x reader #austin butler x reader

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lilystyles · 1 year

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comfort.

part three of the no strings attached series by @lilystyles

no strings attached masterlist & main masterlist xxx

authors note the long awaited part three!!! you guys are literally the best omg. all the love for both parts has been amazing since i'm so new to tumblr!! can't believe it :))) kisses and hugs, enjoy part three and follow me to see the other parts coming soon! sorry if this took some time, uni's kickin my ass.

brief description y/n calls harry drunk and scared, harry picks her up and helps take care of her. the next morning y/n worries she'll scare him off, but of course, harry eases those worries.

warnings! mentions of sex, swearing, and alcohol abuse, overall just a mature read. anxious girl reader moment (real). FLUFFY ASF!! around 4.5k words.

drunk!inexperienced!virgin!reader x fwb!harry

* * * * *

“Hello?” A crackly voice spoke into Harry’s phone.

The familiar voice of Y/n made his eyes snap open. It was an odd, long, 011 phone number; he was confused why her little contact wasn’t on his screen. It was this recent photo of her lying on a rug in just one of his shirts listening to records. He was still half asleep, all foggy and confused. Her call had woken him up from a deep slumber. He honestly thought he might have been dreaming for a moment, her voice was all distorted.

“Love, is that you?” His voice came out all deep and gravelly.

“Harry?! It’s Y/n!” He could hear noise in the background of her, her voice was warped and all crackly.

“Are you alright?” He said quickly sitting up from his bed, she never called on a random number. Something must be wrong. His knuckles rubbed along his eyes, trying to wake himself up. It was pitch black and freezing inside his room.

“My phone’s dead!! I’m at some club, you’re the only number I knew off by heart! Can you come to get me? I’m a bit scared and I’m stranded!” She was still shouting, he could hear people shouting and music in the background. She could hardly even hear her own voice over it all.

Harry looked at the time on his phone. It was around 1 AM. “I’m coming now, Y/n. Where are you?”

“Some place called The Swan!”

He had already slid some shoes on and began to race to his car. “I’m comin’ right now, I’m gettin’ in the car. Can yeh wait with one of tha’ bouncers or somethin’ until I’m there?”

“Good idea, H. Okay, see you soon. Drive safe please.” She sounded very drunk. The phone made a slamming noise when she ended the call, it must have been a pay phone.

Harry had to stop himself from speeding to get her. He tried to breathe. She was scared, and that unsettled him. He knew that she didn’t need protecting, but drunk women alone were vulnerable, he wished it wasn’t so but he couldn’t help but let his mind wander to awful scenarios.

The Swan was this really dodgy nightclub in a dodgy neighbourhood. For some reason, their friend Olive tended to favour it for the free drinks on Friday nights. She must’ve roped Y/n into going there tonight. Harry had gone to a business meeting that evening so they hadn’t been able to hang out, he’d called her to tell her. Y/n said that was okay and that she had plans anyway too.

This must have been the plan.

When his car arrived outside the strip of clubs he parked in a taxi zone, and quickly got out not caring whether or not he could park there. He looked around the swarms of people trying to find her familiar head of h/c hair. He was still in sleep clothes, this grey pair of shorts and a shirt that belonged to Y/n actually. It was this baggy old pink one with Spice Girls on the front it fits him more tightly than her.

His shoes were slippers and socks and he had a hoodie over his head. When he got closer to the entrance he saw her.

She was sitting on the floor beside two big burly bouncers. Her feet were bare and the heels she had on were in her hands. The dress she was wearing had ridden up a bit as she stared off into the distance, drunkenly. She hadn’t seemed to noticed her undies were on display or that her straps were falling down her shoulders. Her heels were off and she was sitting them in her lap.

“Y/n.” He said in relief, glad he’d made it here quickly enough. She was in a right state.

She looked up, smiling all bleary-eyed. Her mouth was in a wide-open puppy dog grin. “Harry!” Her arms lifted up for him.

He laughed feeling better now that he could see she was all okay, nothing had happened to her. He bent over slightly to pick her up into the hug that she was wanting. She dropped her shoes as he lifted her but she didn’t seem to care slinking her arms around his waist and leaning into him.

She squeezed him tightly. “Thanks for gettin’ me,”

“Of course, love. Am I really the only number y'knew off by heart?” He asked pulling back slightly to see her face.

She blushed looking down at her feet, all shy.

“Other than Mum.” She replied, finally meeting his eyes. Her Mum lived back home though, so Harry was the only person she had to call and truthfully the only one she wanted to call.

He smiled kissing her temple, brushing some hair away from her eyes. Her mascara was smudged and her lipstick had faded leaving her lips stained a slightly rosy colour, but she still looked beautiful.

“Don’t get cocky. It’s from all those times I’d call you in Uni to pick me up.” She replied, her words slurring slightly.

“Have you seen Y/n?” Asked Harry, in a gruff tone.

Queenie, Y/n’s friend who’d invited her to the party, was smoking a joint quietly outside on the front porch of the university sharehouse.

“I think she’s inside, last I saw she was dancing on the kitchen table.” Said Queenie with a breathy laugh, blowing out a long cloud of thick white smoke. The potent smell hit Harry’s nose and he wished he was back home.

He just nodded, sighing. It was probably about 3 AM right now. He’d been asleep but their friend James called him up saying Y/n needed to be picked up and brought home. She was a bit out of control.

Harry knew it was of roommately and best friendly duties to pick his girl up. She’d done it to him too, many times. And he did worry for her when she was out drinking, especially when he wasn’t there to watch out for her. Even in school when they’d get drunk off stolen alcohol in each other’s backyards he watched out for her always.

James would always say it was because he was like a jealous boyfriend, but Harry denied that saying it was simply because she tended to end up passed out on the road without his watchful gaze.

When he got inside suddenly his pyjamas felt too hot even though it was a chilly night. There were many people swarming the house, he made his way to the kitchen saying hello groggily here and there to friends.

When he got there he found Y/n dancing along to the beat of some awful song everyone knew the words to. Her hips were swaying and the exposed skin that her low-waisted jeans offered looked edible, she looked so good even with half a bottle of tequila in her. He fought away that thought and blamed his tired eyes.

Her cheeks were flushed from her drink and she had this toothy smile on her face.

“Y/n!” He called over the music, looking up at her on the table.

She opened her eyes looking down at him. “HARRY!!”

He smiled, and suddenly waking up at three had been worth it, and coming to get her was no problem. “Hi, love!”

She made grabby hands at him. “Come on! Get up here! Dance with me!! I missed ya!”

How could he say no?

He didn’t say anything, he just let go of her to pick up her shoes from the ground.

Her arms were wrapped around her body like she was cold.

“Are y’cold?”

She nodded her head. He quickly took off his zip-up hoodie and put it on her, zipping it up for her. He was rolling the sleeves for her because it was too big when her hand fell onto his chest gripping his (her) shirt.

“You’re a thief!” She teased. “Not my Spices Girls shirt, Harold!”

He just smiled, pushing some loose hair behind her ears. “S’cute! I think I look good in it. Don’t you?”

He’d look good in a paper bag, but the real reason he wore it was that it smelt like her. The shampoo she used, her perfume, and that something that was just her natural aroma. He liked how worn it was, the soft feel of it, and how it had faded from so many years of sleeping in it. She wore it a lot when they were roommates too. But she’d had it since she was little. The once vibrant pink had paled to a babied pink hue.

Honestly, he’d been sad they couldn’t hang out that evening. He put it on to help him sleep.

“You always look good.” She rolled her eyes as if it was annoying. And sometimes it was, how did he look good in the old raggy-stained shirt? She would never know. Magic. He was bloody magic.

He started taking his slippers off. They were black slip-on ones. She frowned at him. “What are you doing?”

“Put them on. I don’t want yeh’ cutting yourself on tha’ glass.” He said softly. Her heels were still in his hands, looking dainty in them.

She smiled softly before sliding her feet into the slippers. Her feet ached from those ridiculous shoes, she was glad to be rid of them. His sock-covered feet were on the floor. “What about you?”

“Don’t worry. I’ll be fine. Home?”

“Home.” She nodded.

He made sure he had her purse too before opening the car door for her and placing the bag and shoes by her feet. She slid in and Harry even did her seatbelt up for her, before gently shutting the door. When he got in beside her she smiled, glad to be with Harry. She’d missed him, it had only been one day. But they had been inseparable at the minute.

His car smelt of tobacco, mint, and a spicy woodsy smell. Just like him. He had a vanilla-scented air freshener and a charm of jade beads hanging on the mirror.

“Can I put some music on, H?” She asked turning to him. Her eyes stared up at him. He handed over his phone unlocked.

She opened Spotify and put on some Oasis. Hitting shuffle it landed on ‘Married With Children’ and she sighed. “Remember when we used to listen to Oasis at my house?” She asked.

Growing up Y/n had the most CD variety and all the gang used to go over and listen; when Y/n’s parents were away they’d smoke and drink with this album on in the background. It always made Harry feel very nostalgic and it always reminded him of her. Even when they had drifted his hands itched to ring her if he ever heard it on the radio.

“Of course, you loved bloody Oasis.” He replied, smiling at the memory of 14-year-old Y/n. She had these colourful dresses, ratty sneakers, and an Oasis obsession. She just grinned over at him in reply, humming the words of the song. He could see that girl inside her even now, and Y/n could still see young Harry who was all dimples and laughs underneath the rockstar beside her.

“Yours or mine?” He asked gently as pulled up to a red light.

“Yours, please. S’closer and I want your comfy bed.” She had been dreaming of his big grand bed, it was all white, fluffy, and fresh and it smelt of her Harry. She wanted to curl up in there, she’d been feeling a bit emotional recently. She thought her period might be coming soon. So all she wanted was to sleep in his arms and his very comfortable and luxurious bed.

And she liked when she woke up at his house and she’d find him sitting on the couch drinking his tea, as always he was awake before her, waiting for her with some pastries or big plates of bacon and eggs. It was like being in a bloody hotel!

He nodded, she looked so sleepy beside him. “As you wish.”

The drive was quick and quiet beside the low humming radio.

When the car pulled out the front of Harry’s large house he entered the security code into the gate and made his way inside the driveway. When he parked the car and turned off the engine, he looked over to find her very much asleep.

He sighed softly, letting himself take a moment to stare. Her eyes were shut, fluffy eyelashes on her cheeks, lips all pouty and soft. She looked so calm and soft like this, it made her look like an angel. An angel in clubbing clothes. He knew he wanted to get her inside and change her into something comfortable and get her safely to sleep, but he wanted to enjoy her beauty for a second.

“Bun,” He whispered his hand touching her cheek. She leaned into his touch, still asleep. “We’re home,” he said slightly louder.

Her eyes fluttered open, and she just nodded. He got out and walked to her door, helping her out. He grabbed all her things, locked the car and then grabbed her hand to guide her inside. When they stepped inside Harry was glad to be home.

He then guided her upstairs to the bathroom motioning for her to sit on the toilet. She did so happily and he opened his drawer grabbing some makeup remover and cotton pads, Y/n had a habit of falling asleep in her makeup so he’d bought this so she didn’t have to at his house.

He soaked the cotton pad with the remover and stepped closer to her, pushing her chin up slightly. She smiled at him sleepily.

He smiled back. It was silent, but they didn’t always need to talk. They’d never needed to talk all the time, that wasn’t their style.

He gently pressed the cotton pad on her skin and removed all the makeup around her lips, cheeks, and forehead. It took a few cotton pads and then he finally did her eyes, she looked like a panda for a second and he giggled at her.

Her hand had crept up onto his hip under the shirt, her nails gently scratched the skin there and she saw a peak of the fern tattoos. She loved those tattoos, they had to be her favourite. When she’d pleasure him she loved kissing along those tattoos and when they cuddled on his couch and her head was on his lap she would trace along them. They were just fucking so sexy.

He liked her tattoo too. He was just as obsessed with every inch of her, but he loved that she had gotten it with him in mind. He felt they’d always be connected till the end of time.

Once he had gotten all her makeup off her, he used a wet cloth to wash her face. She felt nice and clean. Harry knew just how to take care of her. He handed her a hairbrush she left here and she quickly brushed her hair before tying it back away from her clean face.

“Y’want your shirt back to sleep in?” He asked pinching the pink material.

She shook her head. She had started to sober up, but she was still looking sleepy, “Looks better on you, Harry.”

He gave her the pink toothbrush he’d bought for her for when she slept over. She cleaned her teeth. He waited, leaning in the doorway, watching her with droopy eyes. He was starting to feel sleepy too.

She followed him to his bedroom, her arm wrapped around his waist as she pressed her cheek onto his back. He loved her like this, they already were quite physically affectionate but that was usually Harry initiating it. But drunk Y/n loved to touch him, he’d always known that. She was the same in uni.

When they made it to his room he opened his cupboard. Grabbing a jumper he wore earlier that day and a pair of clean boxers. He handed them to her and since she was drunk, and they had started to see each other nude more often she had no shyness in taking off her dress and Harry’s jacket. She threw it to the floor before she finally took off her bra and undies to slip into Harry’s clothes. The navy jumper smelt of him and she loved that.

The whole room smelt of him. She took his slippers off and left them by the foot of the bed.

“In ya’ get.” He gestured to his messy thrown sheets. She quickly crawled up to the pillows before wrapping herself in his big fluffy duvet. He turned his lamp off and got in beside her with a sigh.

“Thanks.” She whispered looking up at him.

He just gave her a crooked smile, all dimples. “Of course.”

She moved closer to him resting her head on his chest.

“Sooky pants.” He teased, arms still wrapping around her.

She didn’t reply, just kissed his chest. It made his cheeks heat up. She made it hard for him not to feel like this. Did she even realise? He would do anything if it meant he got some of her. Even if she didn’t want to date him, he was happy with anything. Any piece of her was enough to keep Harry.

The two fell asleep quickly, wrapped together in each other’s soft touch, they hardly moved at all during their sleep. Feeling peaceful and warm on that chilly evening was enough to make Harry sleep in longer than usual.

Saturday mornings usually consisted of him going for a run, grocery shopping, calling his Mum or Gemma. But this morning he slept through the sunrise and all the way until 7:00! Harry was honestly amazed, it’d been a long time since he slept in until then. He looked down to find Y/n still buried in his chest, and couldn’t bring himself to move.

After an hour of drifting in and out of sleep, his bladder caused him to get up. He tried to be gentle but Y/n stirred. He placed her gently back but she made a little whine, arms grabbing his.

“I’ll be right back, Love.” He whispered, kissing her forehead. She let go.

She opened her eyes, the curtains were half drawn and but it was a rather dreary London morning. Didn’t seem to be raining yet, but thick grey clouds covered the sky so it was practically dark in Harry’s room. She felt awful, slightly hungover, mainly just sleep deprived. She felt tired and sore, kicking off the white duvet she looked down to find a big red blotch staining Harry’s white sheets.

She looked to see it all over her thighs too. “Oh shit!” She gasped. She was so embarrassed. She wanted to cry. She ruined his sheets, his clothes, and oh god. What if he was grossed out? What if he found her digusting? She wasn’t exactly thinking rationally, but she wished she could’ve gotten it another time. Why now?!?!

Her panic was interrupted by Harry coming back from the bathroom. He had two steaming mugs in his hands, all smiley. Happy to see her up, thinking maybe they could go for a walk today. There was a local park nearby. He thought it could be cute, maybe they could get breakfast at a nearby cafe and go for a stroll. Y/n had some study to do but Harry was good at making sure she took enough breaks. She had a habit of overworking herself.

He stopped smiling when he saw her panic and glossy eyes. “Y/n, what’s wrong?”

“I’m sorry.” She said, tears spilling from her eyes. He frowned, he hated seeing her cry. He walked closer to the bed placing the two teas on the bedside table and finally saw what she was talking about. She must have gotten her period in the night or early this morning.

He shook his head. “Don’t be sorry, baby, it happens.”

She placed her head in her hands, body slightly jolting from her sobs. He quickly wrapped her in his arms, rubbing her back. “It’s alright, I promise.”

“But I-I—” She hiccuped, pulling back slightly,“—r-ruined y-your sheets, Harry.”

“No you haven’t I’ll go wash them, it’s not a problem. It’s only sheets.” He caressed her head, pushing back stray hairs.

“What about your clothes?” Her lip quivered. She felt awful. So guilty.

“I’ll wash those too, Petal, s’fine.”

She frowned. “I’m so sorry. I know it’s gross.”

He frowned deeply. “S’not gross, it’s natural. Y’can’t control it, Love.”

She didn’t say anything, just looked down at the mess on the sheets and her legs.

He kissed her forehead. “M’ gonna run you a bath, get some new clothes f’ya, and then I’ll get y’whatever breakfast y’want.”

She looked up, smiling gratefully.

“What stuff do y’need? Do you need any pain relief?” He pulled out his phone and wrote down the list of things she needed.

She felt so lucky, Harry was so sweet about it. Listening to every detail and asking questions.

He then ran a big bubble bath for her, lavender scented soap filled the room. He dimmed the lights and checked the temperature of the water with his hands. It felt just right. After he turned the water off he got a big fluffy black towel for when she was done.

She stripped off his clothes telling Harry she’d wash them after she had her bath but Harry beat her to it and did the sheets and clothes all in one go while she warmed up and cleaned herself.

While she relaxed he did a few things around the house, including bringing her in a tea and his laptop to watch some Friends on. She needed something that didn’t involve thinking.

He gave her a peck before leaving to buy her some pads and tampons, and the specific pain relief she wanted.

Harry will admit that since gaining money he tended to go a bit over board sometimes. He came back home with enough pads and tampons for a year and lots of other things; including her favourite snacks and chocolate.

When he came home from shopping he found Y/n relaxing still in the bath, eyes shut, as Friends played in the background. She opened her eyes, she looked a bit ill. She sometimes had really bad period pain. Today was one of those days.

He gave her a little haul of the things he bought. “I got tha’ ones with daisies s’on like y’asked.” He said shaking the box with the daisies. “Here’s the pain medication.”

She silently wondered if this is what a boyfriend would do. Her inexperienced brain made her question her sanity. Maybe this was normal for friends with benefits. She had literally nothing to base it on.

When he was done showing her he put them on the sink and Y/n told him she was ready to get out. He quickly shut the door giving her some privacy before grabbing some clothes for her to wear.

He found a big black jumper with ‘Pleasing’ on the front, she loved this one (always knicking it), a plain white shirt of his that he wore to the gym sometimes, and a pair of black tracksuit pants with the drawstring so they would fit her well. He also found a pair of fluffy socks and had even bought some cotton underwear for her so she didn’t have to wear his boxers. At this point, Harry kind of wished she had a drawer here for her stuff. He liked having her here, and it might make things a little easier.

He knocked asking to come in. She mumbled a ‘come in’, and he did. She had wrapped herself in the towel.

He handed her the pile of clothes, stroking her cheek. Her hair was damp letting the water fall over her neck, back, and shoulders.

“These are all clean and I bought some undies from the shop, so you should have everything. Let me know if you need anything else.”

“Thank you, Harry.” She said softly, eyes scanning his features. His eyes looked so green in the dim darkly lit house. How did he look so good right now? He was in casual lounge clothes. A pair of grey tracksuit pants that made him look muscular and a loose black long-sleeve. He looked so pretty watching her like that, arms crossed and worried eyes. He looked pretty all the time.

Today felt more intimate than anything they had done. Today had felt real.

“Of course, Petal. I’ll leave you to change.” He kissed her forehead.

He went downstairs, doing his usual morning routinely bits and bobs. When Y/n came down she had blow-dried her hair and washed her face. Her eyes, even with deep bags, still looked pretty. Lips all pouty. She seemed calmer now, but still tired.

“Are y’feeling up ta’ goin’ out?”

Even though she was tired, Harry had an excited look, how could she say no to him? Even if her uterus was angry inside her.

“Okay? Breakfast?”

He nodded. “How could I drag you out without the promise of breakfast and a good time?”

She giggled.

They layered up for the winter weather, with puffer jackets and beanies. Y/n felt so funny in all of Harry’s clothes, but the smell made her so calm she was ready for a nap.

Harry mentioned that it was only a short walk through the park and then they’d be there. Since it was a pretty quiet area and Harry was wearing a beanie and sunglasses he wasn’t too worried about being noticed. Y/n was much the same in a pink beanie of his and this big crimson scarf around her neck.

It was the one he wore on New Year's of 2014. “Harry, this is an old one isn’t it?”

He was typing on his phone replying to a worried Olive. He was annoyed she’d left Y/n to fend for herself and ditched her for a bloke. Nonetheless he told her Y/n was fine. He looked up at her, they were walking down his street.

“Sorry, Love? What?”

She smiled placing a hand on her neck. “I remember this…”

“Oh, right. Yeah, had it for ages.”

She smiled softly. He turned is phone off and put it in his pocket grabbing her hand which had been swallowed by the long arms of his jumper. She let him, it felt too nice to pull away. His hand was warm and soft. She leaned into the comforting touch.

He kissed her hairline as they strolled through the park. It was chilly, Y/n found herself leaning into him happily. She wished it could be like this everyday. It was a Saturday so it was as busy as the quiet area got. Children ran around with worried mothers chasing after them. Teenagers on bikes laughing and flying by. Old couples wandered around closely together.

They fit right in. Seeming like two normal people, a normal couple.

Harry wasn’t some rockstar right now, with Y/n he was just himself. Just Harry from Holmes Chaple. He loved that Y/n grounded him and made him feel normal, this to most was a boring day but to Harry the best in a long time.

When they got to the small strip of cafes Harry guided her to his favourite place.

Over delicious hot chocolates and breakfast, the cold morning felt warm and Harry and Y/n felt blissful.

"Haz, thank you again,"

He just smiled and leaned in for a long kiss. It was nice and with no real sexual intentions. Just a genuine soft, warm, slow, nice kiss.

"Of course, now stop thanking me. No need. An' tell me what yeh' think of the eggs."

if you enjoyed this feel free to check out my masterlist here! xx feel free to request me too!

#harry styles #harry styles x reader #harry styles smut #harry styles one shot #harry styles x reader smut #harry styles angst #harry styles x y/n #nostringsattachedseriesbylilystyles

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whoseafraidofliloleme · 6 months

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𝐇𝐨𝐥𝐝 𝐘𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐏𝐞𝐚𝐜𝐞 𝐌𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭.

★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★

𝐒𝐮𝐦𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐲: 𝐘𝐍 𝐒𝐡𝐚𝐫𝐦𝐚 𝐤𝐧𝐞𝐰 𝐚𝐧 𝐚𝐫𝐫𝐚𝐧𝐠𝐞𝐝 𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐫𝐢𝐚𝐠𝐞 𝐰𝐚𝐬 𝐜𝐨𝐦𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐡𝐞𝐫 𝐰𝐚𝐲. 𝐖𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐬𝐡𝐞 𝐝𝐢𝐝𝐧'𝐭 𝐞𝐱𝐩𝐞𝐜𝐭 𝐰𝐚𝐬 𝐚 𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐫𝐢𝐚𝐠𝐞 𝐥𝐚𝐰 𝐭𝐚𝐤𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐜𝐡𝐨𝐢𝐜𝐞 𝐚𝐰𝐚𝐲 𝐟𝐫𝐨𝐦 𝐡𝐞𝐫 𝐜𝐨𝐦𝐩𝐥𝐞𝐭𝐞𝐥𝐲.

𝐏𝐚𝐢𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠: 𝐋𝐞𝐞 𝐇𝐞𝐞𝐬𝐞𝐮𝐧𝐠 𝐱 𝐅! 𝐑𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫.

𝐓𝐫𝐨𝐩𝐞𝐬/𝐆𝐞𝐧𝐫𝐞𝐬: 𝐒𝐌𝐀𝐔. 𝐇𝐏 𝐀𝐔. 𝐌𝐚𝐫𝐫𝐢𝐚𝐠𝐞 𝐋𝐚𝐰. 𝐃𝐞𝐬𝐢 𝐑𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫. 𝐒𝐭𝐫𝐚𝐧𝐠𝐞𝐫𝐬 𝐭𝐨 𝐋𝐨𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐬. 𝐒𝐥𝐲𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐢𝐧 𝐑𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫. 𝐇𝐮𝐟𝐟𝐥𝐞𝐩𝐮𝐟𝐟 𝐇𝐞𝐞𝐬𝐞𝐮𝐧𝐠. 𝐂𝐨𝐦𝐞𝐝𝐲. 𝐀𝐧𝐠𝐬𝐭. 𝐅𝐥𝐮𝐟𝐟. 𝐏𝐮𝐫𝐞𝐛𝐥𝐨𝐨𝐝 𝐩𝐨𝐥𝐢𝐭𝐢𝐜𝐬. 𝐃𝐞𝐬𝐢 𝐟𝐚𝐦𝐢𝐥𝐲 𝐩𝐨𝐥𝐢𝐭𝐢𝐜𝐬. 𝐎𝐂 𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐩𝐥𝐞𝐬. 𝐒𝐞𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐝𝐚𝐫𝐲 𝐂𝐨𝐮𝐩𝐥𝐞𝐬. 𝐂𝐚𝐧𝐨𝐧 𝐢𝐬 𝐰𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐈 𝐜𝐡𝐨𝐨𝐬𝐞 𝐢𝐭 𝐭𝐨 𝐛𝐞.

𝐅𝐞𝐚𝐭𝐮𝐫𝐞𝐬: 𝐄𝐧𝐡𝐚. 𝐋𝐞 𝐒𝐬𝐞𝐫𝐚𝐟𝐢𝐦. 𝐌𝐞𝐦𝐛𝐞𝐫𝐬 𝐨𝐟 𝐒𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐞𝐧 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐒𝐭𝐫𝐚𝐲 𝐊𝐢𝐝𝐳. 𝐌𝐞𝐦𝐛𝐞𝐫𝐬 𝐨𝐟 𝐒𝐭𝐚𝐲𝐂 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐈𝐕𝐄.

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𝐈'𝐦 𝐛𝐚𝐜𝐤 𝐚𝐭 𝐢𝐭. 𝐇𝐨𝐩𝐞𝐟𝐮𝐥𝐥𝐲 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐚 𝐬𝐦𝐚𝐮 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐬𝐭𝐢𝐜𝐤𝐬 𝐜𝐚𝐮𝐬𝐞 𝐨𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐰𝐢𝐬𝐞 𝐈 𝐰𝐢𝐥𝐥 𝐜𝐫𝐲... 𝐌𝐨𝐯𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐨𝐧 𝐟𝐫𝐨𝐦 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭, 𝐥𝐞𝐭 𝐦𝐞 𝐤𝐧𝐨𝐰 𝐰𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐲𝐚𝐥𝐥 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐤.

𝐅𝐢𝐫𝐬𝐭 𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐏𝐨𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐝: 9𝐭𝐡 𝐍𝐨𝐯𝐞𝐦𝐛𝐞𝐫 2023.

𝐅𝐢𝐧𝐚𝐥 𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐏𝐨𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐝:

I'll be using Maitreyi Ramakrishnan as the YN faceclaim. Feel free to imagine whoever you want.

★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★

☆𝐏𝐫𝐨𝐟𝐢𝐥𝐞𝐬 1: 𝐑𝐞𝐩𝐮𝐭𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧 𝐒𝐭𝐚𝐧𝐬.☆ ☆𝐏𝐫𝐨𝐟𝐢𝐥𝐞𝐬 2: 𝐄𝐝𝐮𝐜𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐲 𝐀𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐚𝐠𝐞.☆ ☆𝐏𝐫𝐨𝐟𝐢𝐥𝐞𝐬 3: 𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐒𝐡𝐚𝐫𝐦𝐚 𝐋𝐞𝐞𝐬.☆

1. 𝐅𝐢𝐫𝐬𝐭 𝐃𝐚𝐲 𝐌𝐚𝐝𝐧𝐞𝐬𝐬.

2. 𝐒𝐜𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐦𝐢𝐧𝐠, 𝐂𝐫𝐲𝐢𝐧𝐠. 𝐏𝐞𝐫𝐟𝐞𝐜𝐭 𝐒𝐭𝐨𝐫𝐦𝐬.

3. 𝐂𝐨𝐦𝐦𝐢𝐭𝐦𝐞𝐧𝐭 𝐢𝐬 𝐚 𝐦𝐲𝐭𝐡.

4. 𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐒𝐞𝐜𝐫𝐞𝐭 𝐢𝐬 𝐎𝐮𝐭.

5. 𝐏𝐥𝐚𝐧 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐓𝐨𝐦𝐨𝐫𝐫𝐨𝐰.

6. 𝐂𝐨𝐮𝐩𝐥𝐞𝐬 𝐑𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐚𝐥𝐞𝐝.

7. 𝐉𝐔𝐒𝐓 𝐂𝐎𝐌𝐌𝐔𝐍𝐈𝐂𝐀𝐓𝐄!

8. 𝐌𝐚𝐤𝐧𝐚𝐞 𝐌𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐦𝐢𝐧𝐝𝐬.

9. 𝐅𝐫𝐞𝐧𝐞𝐦𝐢𝐞𝐬?

10. 𝐏𝐚𝐫𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐄𝐮𝐧𝐧𝐢𝐤𝐢.

11. 𝐈𝐬𝐚 𝐇𝐚𝐬 𝐁𝐞𝐞𝐟 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐉𝐮𝐧𝐠𝐰𝐨𝐧.

12. 𝐍𝐢𝐤𝐢 𝐓𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐬 𝐭𝐨 𝐁𝐫𝐢𝐛𝐞 𝐌𝐢𝐧𝐡𝐨.

13. 𝐊𝐚𝐳𝐮𝐡𝐚 𝐒𝐭𝐚𝐫𝐭𝐞𝐝 𝐈𝐭.

14. 𝐌𝐚𝐦𝐚 𝐒𝐡𝐚𝐫𝐦𝐚 𝐀𝐢𝐧𝐭 𝐇𝐚𝐩𝐩𝐲.

15. 𝐂𝐚𝐫𝐞𝐞𝐫'𝐬 𝐅𝐚𝐢𝐫.

16. 𝐄𝐧𝐪𝐮𝐢𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐬 𝐀𝐫𝐞 𝐌𝐚𝐝𝐞.

17. 𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐄𝐱 𝐓𝐚𝐥𝐤.

18. 𝐈𝐧𝐭𝐫𝐨𝐝𝐮𝐜𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐄𝐮𝐧𝐧𝐢𝐤𝐢𝐰𝐨𝐧'𝐬 𝐏𝐚𝐫𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐬.

19. 𝐌𝐞𝐞𝐭 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐅𝐚𝐦𝐢𝐥𝐢𝐞𝐬.

20. 𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐎𝐥𝐝 𝐇𝐚𝐠.

21. 𝐇𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐥𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭𝐬 𝐅𝐫𝐨𝐦 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐃𝐢𝐧𝐧𝐞𝐫.

22. 𝐃𝐞𝐬𝐢 𝐖𝐞𝐝𝐝𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐏𝐨𝐥𝐢𝐭𝐢𝐜𝐬.

23. 𝐖𝐞𝐝𝐝𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐏𝐥𝐚𝐧𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐇𝐞𝐥𝐥.

24. 𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐅𝐢𝐫𝐬𝐭 𝐖𝐞𝐝𝐝𝐢𝐧𝐠.

25. 𝐓𝐫𝐨𝐮𝐛𝐥𝐞 𝐢𝐧 𝐏𝐚𝐫𝐚𝐝𝐢𝐬𝐞.

26. 𝐁𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐤𝐝𝐨𝐰𝐧 𝐂𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐫𝐚𝐥.

27. 𝐑𝐮𝐧 𝐀𝐰𝐚𝐲 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐌𝐞?

28. 𝐀𝐧𝐨𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫 𝐖𝐞𝐝𝐝𝐢𝐧𝐠.

29. 𝐆𝐫𝐚𝐝𝐮𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧.

30. 𝐀 𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐨𝐭𝐢𝐜 𝐖𝐞𝐝𝐝𝐢𝐧𝐠.

31. 𝐃𝐨𝐦𝐞𝐬𝐭𝐢𝐜 𝐁𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐬.

32. 𝐇𝐚𝐩𝐩𝐢𝐥𝐲 𝐌𝐚𝐫𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐝 𝐄𝐯𝐞𝐫 𝐀𝐟𝐭𝐞𝐫.

𝐖𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐞 𝐀𝐫𝐞 𝐓𝐡𝐞𝐲 𝐍𝐨𝐰: 𝐇𝐨𝐥𝐝 𝐘𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐏𝐞𝐚𝐜𝐞 𝐄𝐝𝐢𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧.

★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★

75 notes · View notes

buckychristwrites · 10 months

Text

Could This Be | Chap. Eight | j.t.

Pairing: Jamie Tartt x F!Reader

Summary: One minute, you're single and working for AFC Richmond as the team's medic. The next minute, you're in a fake relationship with the team's handsome striker who you know next to nothing about.

Word Count: 3.6k

Warnings: Discussions of Previous Emotional & Physical Domestic Violence. Cussing. Fake Dating

A/N: This chapter was brought to you by Only Love Can Hurt Like This by Paloma Faith & Fine Line by Harry Styles. Take that as you will! :)

Masterlist | Could This Be Masterlist | Main Blog

“Are you avoidin’ me?”

You screamed, the voice from behind startling you so much that you dropped the jump bag you had been trying to load into your car. When you turned, you found Jamie, who’s face let you know that he didn’t mean to scare you, though that didn’t stop him from finding it incredibly amusing.

“Can you please stop doing that?” You said through uneven breaths. He shook his head as he took a step forward to pick up the bag you had just dropped.

“Sorry.” Though, he didn’t sound very apologetic.

As he set the bag in the backseat of your car, you kept your eyes trained on the ground. Because the answer was yes, you absolutely had been avoiding him. Ever since the night of the premiere, you had been making yourself scarce around the club as much as possible. It had been pure luck that all injuries had remained at the bare minimum, but you also had been doing your charting away from the med room as well as away from the pitch. This was, truly, the first time you had spoken to Jamie in days.

“Are you not comin’ to the match?” He asked, glancing over at his teammates, who were all piling into the coach while laughing and hyping each other up. It took you a second to register what he meant.

“Of course I am,” You told him, finally looking up. “I always take my own car.” He glanced at the car, then over at the coach again before looking back at you.

“Why?”

You shrugged. “I like the quiet. Helps me get my mind ready.”

He seemed to consider this before suddenly he was taking off towards the bus. You watched him pop his head in through the door. Though you couldn’t hear what he was saying, you could hear the team cheering and whooping very loudly before he came running back towards you. His smile was shit eating.

“Guess I’m ridin’ with ya.”

A weird mix of anxiety and amusement rose in your chest.

“I don’t recall inviting you to ride with me.” His eyes rolled upwards.

“I don’t recall carin’.”

Before you could come up with a proper response, he was climbing into the passenger seat of your car. The door slammed and your mouth fell open. The audacity of Jamie was loud as he looked out at you, still grinning. The team made no effort to hide that they were watching you and him. You gave them a quick wave before turning your back on them, a heavy sigh tumbling out.

This was the worst case scenario for you. You had wanted this time to yourself, but not to prepare for the game.

Slipping into the driver’s seat, you slid the belt over your torso and turned the car on. Jamie kicked his feet onto the dashboard in clear triumph. If it had been anyone else, this would’ve annoyed you to no end. But, unfortunately, it was Jamie, so you let it go.

As you pulled out of the car park, following behind the coach with the rest of the team, your heart was beating a hundred kilometres a minute. The quiet music from the radio was not enough to distract you from the huge elephant sitting between the two of you, taking up all the air and making it hard to breathe.

“So,” Jamie said, bringing his feet back to the floor while sitting upright. The sound of his voice caused a sharp pain to ripple through your chest. “Askin’ again. Are you-”

“I need to talk to you,” You blurted out without an ounce of thought behind it. He stared at you for a moment before nodding. As he turned his body so you had his full attention, you felt like you were going to throw up.

“What’s wrong?” It’s like you were a book written in a language only he could understand. Peaking over at him, his face was filled with concern. Your brain was rejecting the words you wanted to say next, causing you to fight for your life to get them out of your mouth.

“I think…” You said slowly, taking a deep breath. Deciding to start over, you glanced at him again. “I think that, after Beard’s wedding…” Your eyes forced themselves back on the road in resignation. “... that we should stop this.”

The words were in the air, and there was nothing you could do to put them back in your head, as much as you wanted to. The silence that filled the car was deafening. Though you weren’t looking at him, the chill that shot up your spine let you know that he turned away from you.

“Oh, yeah. That makes sense,” Was all he said after a lifetime of not saying a word. When you allowed yourself to look at him, you found his eyes were cast downwards, his eyebrows tightly furrowed together. Carefully folding his hands in his lap, he looked up, but only to stare out of the windscreen. The tension in his jaw was remarkably obvious.

“Jamie…”

“Did say about a month, we did,” He said as if you hadn’t spoken, nodding stiffly.

“I didn’t want to do this right now,” You told him, knuckles tight against the steering wheel. “I’m sorry.”

“Ya didn’t want to do this just before the match against Tottenham?” He snapped, his eyes on you once again. Beyond the anger they exhibited, you could see the hurt, too. “Then why did ya?”

“I wasn’t planning on it. You got in my car!” You exclaimed, the tears starting to well in your eyes but you blinked them away.

“Because I wanted to hang out with ya!” He shouted back. “I fuckin’... I fuckin’ missed ya.” He shook his head angrily. “We fuck one time and now I’m fuckin’ nothin’ to you?”

You huffed, frustrated. The fact that he could say something like that to you, about what you and him had shared together, was devastating in more ways than you could ever understand. “Of course not, Jamie…” He ran both of his hands over his head, his fingers tearing through his hair. You wanted to rewind time, to start this whole conversation over. Why did your chest hurt so badly? Why did it feel like a real breakup?

Because to you, it was. Your feelings for Jamie had gotten too intense. He was the only thing you thought about before you went to sleep at night, and the first thing you thought of when you woke up in the morning. After the night of the premiere, he had left your house that morning, leaving you with a kiss to the side of your head as you pretended to still be asleep. You had spent the rest of that morning crying nonstop, the realisation that this was no longer fake for you being too much to bear.

The fact of the matter was, either way, you were losing. If Jamie didn’t feel the same, then it made sense to you, because why would he? But if he did, then it was only a matter of time that he would see you for what you really are: A broken girl, with more baggage than an entire airline hanger, who didn’t know how to allow someone to love her without the fear consuming her.

“It don’t matter,” He said, his voice strangely distant. You looked over at him. “This ain’t real, right? It was always meant to end.”

Each word felt like a knife.

The rest of the drive went by without another word. By the time you pulled into Tottenham Spur’s Stadium, you were a thread away from a total breakdown. As soon as you put the car in park, Jamie was out and storming down the car park, meeting back up with the team. You held back to give yourself a moment to breathe. The tears spilled over as you set your forehead against the steering wheel.

“You’re fine,” You whispered in a pathetic attempt to stop the crying. “It’s all going to be fine. This is how it was always going to happen.”

Taking a deep breath and wiping off your face, you climbed out of the car, grabbing your jump bag and making your way to the player entrance. Most of the team had already gone inside, but Coach Beard was leaning against the coach, yelling into his phone, assumedly to his bride-to-be. As you let yourself inside, you tried to internalise that. Maybe that’s what all love is: yelling, and pain, and hurting each other over and over and over again. It was all you had ever known from past experiences. Why allow yourself to feel all that again? This was all for the best. It had to be.

The cheering and yelling from the changing room echoed down the hallway as you walked by, but you decided to skip the pre-game rituals this time. Instead, you made your way to the stadium med room, which was thankfully empty, and sifted through the materials to make it look like you were stocking. You just wanted to pass the time so the game would start sooner, meaning it would end sooner, and then you could go home.

The staging area for the medics on the pitch was a small box area, as it was just you and the paramedic for the other team. The Team Doctor was somewhere in the stadium, as well as physiotherapists, but you were the first in the line of care when it came down to injuries. Placing your jump bag on the grass, you sat cross legged and waited patiently. That’s all it was at this point. A lot of waiting.

As you bided your time until the players made their entrance, you thought about Jamie, and you thought about his pain. The last thing you had ever wanted was to hurt him. Maybe he had grown used to the routine of pretending to date you as much as you had with him. If only you were capable of separating your feelings from the whole thing like he could.

Someone has to leave first. This is a very old story. There is no other version of the story.

You repeated the quote over and over in your head. It had to be you. For the sake of yourself, it had to be you.

Because you knew you wouldn’t be able to handle it if you allowed this to go on, and then it would inevitably be him.

The crowd went crazy when the players began to file out of the tunnel, each team in its own single file line. Though you applauded along with them, your eyes were trained on the bright green grass.

A tap on your shoulder made you jump. When you turned, the Tottenham medic was holding his phone out to you.

“S’this you?”

Hesitantly, you took a look. Twitter was open, and when you took the phone from him, you were looking at a picture of Jamie and yourself. Neither of you were looking at the camera, instead your eyes were fixed on each other, both of you smiling. The look in Jamie’s eyes was the type of look that a woman would die to have thrown their way. You wondered how it was so easy for him to look at you like that. To convince everyone else it was real for him.

“It is,” You said weakly, handing him back the phone.

“Thought so.” He shoved the phone back into his pocket. “What’s it like, dating The Jamie Tartt?”

You watched him from across the field. He was staring straight in front of him, his hands behind his back. The tension was so severe that he looked like someone pointed a remote at him and hit the pause button. You found yourself wishing that he was closer, that you could hold his hand and apologise. For the harm you caused. For breaking the rule of not falling for him. For allowing this to happen at all. For everything.

“It’s definitely something else.”

The conversation stopped there with the start of the game, thankfully. Getting the best seat in the house for the matches would be a lot better in any other moment, but right now, the only place you wanted to be was anywhere else.

The longer the game went on, the harder it was to focus. Jamie was playing incredibly well, clearly fueled by the argument prior. He was being more selfish with the ball than he had been in a while, and scored two goals within the first fifteen minutes of the match starting. Despite being sat right on the edge of the field, he never once looked in your direction.

“Seems we’re getting some of the old Jamie Tartt today,” The Tottenham medic remarked. If you were a ruder person, you would’ve told him exactly where he could stick his commentary, but you weren’t a ruder person, so you kept your comments to yourself. Instead, you internally hoped that he wouldn’t talk to you like this the entire match.

“Maybe with Lasso gone, he remembered his old ways,” He continued. Your eyes rolled upwards to the sky.

This day really couldn’t possibly get any worse.

The ball was soaring through the air, clearing the heads of numerous players who attempted to reach it. Jamie jumped up to bounce it off his head. It felt like time was going in slow motion. The ball hit Jamie’s head at the same time as a Tottenham player, who clearly didn’t see him coming, jumped to kick it, and instead kicked him, hard, in the back of the head.

As Jamie collapsed to the ground, you rose to your feet.

“He’ll get up,” You said out loud, mostly to yourself. Sam, Isaac, and Dani raced to Jamie’s side as you waited with a pounding heart. They all stared down at him, Sam kneeling down and placing his hands on either shoulder.. You tried to stay optimistic. He would get up, and you wouldn’t be needed. It would be okay. It would be-

Sam turned to look at you, eyes wide in horror.

Grabbing the jump bag, you took off down the field as fast as your unathletic legs would take you. The rest of the team started to gather around as you pushed your way through. Jamie was completely unconscious when you dropped to your knees next to him.

“Jamie?” You shouted, putting your hands to his face and giving him a slight shake. He didn’t say anything, his eyes still shut and slightly fluttering. With one hand to his carotid artery, you put the knuckles of your other to his sternum and dug deep into his chest before running them up and down his skin. No response. His pulse was rapid. It was then that you realised he wasn’t breathing.

Fuck.

“I need a gurney right now!” You shouted at no one in particular as you grabbed a BVM mask from the bag and attached it to the oxygen tank. In the back of your head, you thought of the head injury he’d just had not that long ago. The one you had released him back to training from. Your mind was being completely irrational as it spiralled downward. Was he not ready? Should you have given him more time to heal? He had seemed fine, showing no symptoms of concussion or any major brain injury. Was this your fault? How could you have stopped this?

Throwing the blood pressure cuff on him and hitting start, you threw your hair out of your face.

“Can I get another fucking set of hands here?” You shouted, furious by the lack of help from the Tottenham medic.

“What do you need me to do?” Sam asked with a shaky voice. A hard sigh forced its way out of your mouth. It wasn’t exactly what you had meant, but it was all you had. You thrusted the BVM bag at him.

“Put this over his mouth like this,” You instructed, guiding his hands so his thumb and index fingers were around the mask and the rest were on Jamie’s jawline. Teaching him was the only distraction you had. The only thing keeping you level headed. “Push these fingers upwards so that his jaw stays open.” You looked up. “Isaac!” Your voice was sharp, causing the team captain to immediately scramble to your side. “I need you to hold this and count to five. Every time you say five, give it a light squeeze. Okay? Show me.”

“One… two… three… four… five.” At the number five, he lightly squeezed the bag, causing Jamie’s chest to rise. Turning to the oxygen tank, you spun the dial to the 25 mark, the sound of the oxygen whooshing through the tubing and out of the mask filling your ears. You felt like you were on autopilot as you pulled a cervical collar from the bag and slid it under Jamie’s neck. Maybe this was all just a crazy dream, and you would wake up in your bed, the morning of the match, and none of this would’ve happened at all.

As you continued to work, you could still hear Isaac counting out loud. One, two, three, four, breath. One, two, three, four, breath.

It was the only sound. The stadium had gone entirely silent.

“Fuck you, Jamie, wake the fuck up.” A drop of water fell onto his bare chest as you placed the pads of the AED. Is it raining? No. You’re crying. The machine went through the prompts as you finally looked up. A gurney was making its way down the field, two medics pushing it through the grass with an ambulance waiting behind them. You wanted to scream at them for not being any faster.

The last thing he said to you was in anger. The last conversation you had with him was filled with miscommunication and hurt.

No shock advised, the AED told you. Fingers to his neck again, you confirmed Jamie still had a pulse.

“What we got?” One of the medics asked as they placed a backboard next to Jamie.

“27 year old male, unresponsive after a head injury.” Stop fucking shaking. Stop fucking sounding like you care so much. “GCS of 3. Hypertensive at 162/108. Pulse present and rapid at 124. P-Patient was not breathing, he’s now on 25 litres of oxygen at 12 breaths a minute. C-spine secured.”

Isaac was still counting. One, two, three, four, breath.

As the other medics began to switch Jamie to their equipment, you took the opportunity to wipe your cheeks on your sleeves. Almost immediately after, you scrambled to sit near his head, where Sam and Isaac still took up a lot of space. It seemed that the medics were going to ask you to move, but then wordlessly decided to allow you to help. Which was good for them, considering you weren’t planning on letting either of them guide his head. Placing a hand on either side of the cervical collar, the other medics counted before rolling him in order to place the board underneath him. Once he was laid back down, and they were strapping him down, you still had your hands on either side of his head, running your thumbs up and down his cheeks.

He looked unreal, with the mask on his face and his chest rising and falling so mechanically. You had gone through scenarios like this one dozens and dozens of times before, yet somehow, at this moment, you felt like this was the first time in your whole life that you had ever encountered it.

“You’ll be fine,” You whispered to him, leaning down and planting a kiss on his forehead.

Jamie was hoisted into the air before being moved to the gurney, where he was secured with even more straps, It was weird to watch, but only because it was him. Trying to be helpful, while also not ready to part from him yet, you grabbed the heart monitor and walked alongside, the weight making you waddle slightly to keep up. Sam and Isaac were still following at the head and doing the jobs you had assigned them, as the two medics pushed the gurney towards the ambulance. The cot was secured to the loader before Jamie was lifted in the air seamlessly at the press of a button. One of the medics took over for Sam and Isaac, the two of the stepping to the side while anxiously continuing to watch. The other medic took the heart monitor from you and set it inside the back of the ambulance before shutting the doors.

Go.

Go with them.

But you can’t.

Because one hurt player doesn’t absolve your responsibility to the rest.

As the ambulance pulled out of the garage off the side of the pitch, lights immediately turned on, a hand gripped your shoulder and gave a light squeeze. Even as the doors closed, you could still hear the scream of the sirens echoing off the walls as the ambulance pulled out of the stadium and carried him away.

“Alright,” Roy said, to you as well as to Sam and Isaac. “Let’s go.”

You looked back a few times as Roy led you back down the pitch. Somewhere in your heart, you believed that maybe it was a mistake, and the doors would open and Jamie would run out with a big smile, laughing as he explained it was all one big joke.

No such thing happened though, as you resumed your place at the staging area, a bowling ball in your stomach, and stabbing pain in your chest.