#hasn’t been cleared since 2018

[guymaito]

i have many opinions on character!grian that are only important to me (mainly hermitcraft grian cause it’s the current smp i’m watching n i, embarrassingly, never finished last life despite loving n finishing 3rd life)

[imagine-that-100]

Will We Talk? | Part 1 |

Description: Alex Turner x Reader | Being Katie Cook’s best friend means you see a lot of a certain band, so it’s too bad that the lead singer can’t seem to stand being in your presence. You’re all too aware that you get chatty when you’re anxious, and despite being around each other for a decade, Alex still makes your heart race (and not in a good way). But then he asks a question you never expected to hear, and it changes everything: “Do I make you nervous?”

Word Count: 13.2k

A/N: Well hello there besties! Alex stannies your time has come again because I’m back and this short series is going to be soooo much fun! This was inspired by a harry fic I read many moons ago and I just knew I needed to do a grumpy Alex fic. I started writing this fic on the 15th of December 2021 so it’s been a long time coming. That being said part 2 isn’t yet finished (blame @nriacc​ lol) but I felt we all needed a new Alex ficccc! Big thank you to the author of the harry fic for the inspiration, and to @red---moon​ and @alovesreading​ for helping me/ keeping me inspired for this one. I would loveeee to know what you all think so please give me your reactions! Just keep an eye out for the time jumps, it goes back and forth quite a bit but I hope it makes sense. Thanks a million for reading, hope you enjoy x

| My Masterlist |  

~*~*~*~ 29th June 2018 ~*~*~*~

Just do it Y/N. Be polite, stop being a child.

Internally, you’re debating pretending that you don’t need another drink and to go back to Katie and Kelly without a new one so you don’t have to suffer what’s bound to be another awful encounter. Alex is standing at the busy bar with his drink in his hand, and you’d think that after 8 years of knowing someone you’d feel comfortable enough to have a chat with them at their best mates birthday party. But no. Not with Alex.

He might just be the grumpiest person you’ve ever met. He’d never once started a conversation with you, it’s always been you making the effort with him since the day you met him.

Truthfully, your tendency to talk a lot more than you should when you’re nervous probably hasn’t helped that. You’d seen interviews of him over the years and it’s clear that he really didn’t like talking to anyone who he wasn’t close to. And you’re not stupid, just because Katie is your best friend doesn’t mean that you’re someone he has to converse with.

Of course over the years you’d seen each other a lot but you’d only had a handful of conversations with him. Frighteningly few of those conversations were just between the two of you, and you were happy with things staying like that.

But this time you’re going to have to brave it. You’d promised Katie you’d grab her another drink along with getting yourself a new one.

The bar is fairly busy with a few people standing around chatting as they wait for their drinks. A few people have been standing there for the majority of the evening in this decently sized function room.

Of course for Jamie’s birthday, and with the band being back off tour for a short break, Katie had thrown her husband an early birthday party because she’s the best wife possibly ever. You’d helped her plan it and sort everything out so she didn’t get too stressed like any best friend would do and you’re so glad everything has gone to plan and Jamie seems to be having a great night.

Equally, you’ve been having a great night too. Getting to see everyone again is fun. You’d not seen Miles for a while nor had you really seen any of the band because they’d been on tour but each time you saw them it was like no time had passed. Miles has always been your favourite to chat to, you think because the both of you are just as chatty as the other so you always feel at ease around him.

You’ve always had a tendency to talk someone's ear off and even more when you’re drinking or nervous. So tonight with you being both tipsy and nervous about seeing Alex standing at the bar, inconveniently for you the only free space being one beside him, you don’t want to go over.

But you need another drink.

Just fucking do it Y/N.

Taking a deep breath you bite the bullet and head over to the empty space at the bar. You’re hoping that you’ll get served immediately but by the looks of the bar staff looking around like headless chickens, you don’t think your prayers have been answered.

Reaching the bar, you put your empty glass back down on the sturdy wooden surface and wait patiently for the bartenders to serve you.

“Hey.” You greet Alex as you turn to face him.

You smile once his eyes meet yours and you see the flicker of recognition in them. You expect a smile or something along those lines from someone you’ve known for almost a decade but no.

All you get from Alex though is a quick, “Hi.” before he glances back towards the rest of the party.

After a second of silence, you have to ask, “How are you?”

“Yeah, good thanks.” Alex smiles before taking a sip of his drink and looking away from you as if he’s searching for someone else to talk to.

Wow, great chat. Why do you actually still bother Y/N?

You make eye contact again and you can feel the tightness in your chest building as if storing up all the shitty conversations you want to blurt out to get rid of the silence. But you also don’t want to annoy him. So you don’t mention anything about the goatee that he’s grown since the last time you saw him. You want to be nice and complement him but you seriously don’t think you can survive the awkwardness of you doing that.

Thankfully you don’t have to think about it for much longer because someone else caught his attention.

Alex’s eyes flicked from yours to someone coming up behind you and you hear a male voice excitedly saying, “Alex, hey!”

A grin comes to the singer's lips then and you watch him as he enthusiastically asks, “Hey man, you alright?”

You've never seen the guy who’s taken Alex's attention before but it seems like they are friends. From Alex’s smile and the way they just shook hands you assume they must be, “Yeah good thanks, where’ve you all come back from?”

“Middle of the month we were in the States, then we went Germany, and we flew back from Denmark yesterday.” Alex explains enthusiastically and you can only imagine him ever being that engaged in a conversation you had with him.

“Christ, and you’re here now.” The guy shakes his head in disbelief, “I don’t know how you do it.”

You tune out of their conversation then and glance back at the bar. You really want your drinks so you can leave before the guy leaves and it gets awkward again.

It’s not that you want to be his best mate or anything close to that, you’d just love not to feel nervous around him all the time. In the beginning the nerves were probably due to you being a fan of the music and you’d never met him before.

Jamie was the most normal person so you didn’t quite believe Katie when she first told you that her boyfriend at the time was in Arctic Monkeys. But then you met him and clearly found she was telling the truth.

You’d met all the band by the end of the year and you got on well with them at various after parties that Katie had dragged you along to in your mid twenties. But Alex has always been quiet and marginally grumpy with you since day one.

Probably your nervous chatter that did it the first time considering he said ‘hi’ to you and nothing else. He just listened to you rambling on until he was pulled away by someone much more important than yourself.

But over the years you got to know him, even if it wasn’t directly through him.

Katie fed you all of her gossip as she thinks of you as her most trusted confidant so when someone in the band annoys her and she can’t show how annoyed she is to Jamie, she’ll have you over for a wine night. So you’re aware of everything that’s just happened between him and Taylor and a certain french bitch.

If he hadn’t have left the French bitch as what she was, a stupid fucking fling, you think Katie may have killed him. She was really close with Taylor and after finding out about the cheating she was round at your house for days trying to yell all her anger away. Obviously she didn’t want to make things more awkward by airing her current murderous feelings towards Alex to Jamie so you’re the one who heard it all.

Of course you disapprove of what he did too. But it’s not your place to have an opinion. You’re just there for Katie. But you have to admit, for Alex’s sake, you’re glad he just left the French girl. Katie would have murdered him if he started seeing her as something more.

You’re brought out of your thoughts by the guy who was talking to Alex accidently bumping your shoulder as he was turning round to head back to whoever he was with. After he apologised and you promised him it was fine, back comes the uncomfortable silence that hangs between you and Alex.

He makes eye contact with you again as he sips on his drink, the smile previous on his lips now gone, and you can feel that you’re about to start nervously chatting to him. So you’re eternally grateful for the voice from behind the bar.

“Hi,” The bartender grabs your attention, “What can I get you?”

Thank you, God.

“Can I get two Amarettos on ice please?” You ask for two of your own drink because you don’t want to come back over if the grumpy fucker beside you is still over here.

The bartender preps the glasses and adds ice before he grabs the bottle of Disaronno and the double ended measure before asking, “Singles or doubles?”

“Doubles please.” You smile and watch as he pours them.

You’re glad he isn’t stingy with his measures because you don’t want to come back for a while, and after pushing the drinks towards you, the bartender asks, “Anything else?”

Smiling, you politely ask, “Can I get a large glass of Montepulciano please?”

“Yeah sure…” You watch as the guy looks around for a second and you know from his irritated expression what’s coming before he even says it. “I’m just going to grab another bottle from the cellar, I’ll be just a minute.”

You smile, “Okay, thank you.” as you can’t even change which wine you’re after because he’s already gone. You feel bad as the guy disappears off but you can feel the nerves bubbling back up inside you.

The silence falls once again, and despite the room being busy and there being a lot of people-watching you could do, you feel like because you’ve known Alex for so long you should be trying to converse with him. You really wish you didn’t care about uncomfortable atmospheres but you can’t really help but avoid it with Alex, you wish you could get over it.

Both of you are awkwardly standing beside each other once more with nothing to say and you can’t stand the stiff air between the both of you. So you end up doing what you do best when tipsy and nervous: You talk.

“I know you don’t like me very much, but I really rate your music and I don’t think I’ve ever told you that.” You begin to nervously digress looking Alex straight in the eye, needing to get rid of the silence between you. You hesitate before oversharing, “I say that, but it took me a long while to get into your new album but I like it now. Think it’s the one I listen to most actually.”

“Right, thanks.” Alex nods, before adding in a little confusion, “At least, I think that was a compliment.”

“Yeah it was.” You nod, your mouth unable to stop from rambling now. “I know my opinion means fuck all in the grand scheme of things but I just thought ‘give credit where it’s due’, right?”

Stop talking Y/N/N, you’re embarrassing yourself.

“Right.” Alex smiles at you, but you can’t help but feel a little stupid under his gaze.

You’ve told Jamie time and time again how you felt about his music, but never once have you felt this awkward about it. It really is just a reaction to Alex at this point because you could tell he just doesn't want to know.

However, just as he looks like he’s about to say something else, probably him finally telling you to leave him alone, you’re saved from whatever it was. Whilst your blundering conversation took place the bartender had returned and had poured Katie’s glass of red and it’s ready and waiting just in front of you.

“That comes to twenty-two all together, please.” The bar man asks and you happily give him your undivided attention as you take a £20 and a £5 note from your purse and hand it over.

“Keep the change.” You smile at the bartender who looks pleased with the tip you’d just given and as you pick up your alcohol carefully you glance back to Alex who’s clearly only watching you because there’s no one else around taking up his time.

He probably wants you to get a move on so he can chat to someone who actually peaks his interest. You half smile at him as you politely say, “Can’t keep the birthday boy’s wife waiting for her drink any longer. See you later.”

“See ya Y/N.” He nods, sounding just as disinterested as when you started the conversation.

Christ. Get me out of here.  

Thankfully for the rest of the night Alex is easily avoidable. Most people want his attention all the time so even if he joins a conversation that you’re involved in, he gets ripped away from it.

Miles keeps you entertained for a good portion of the evening, both of you chatting more as you drink more and more. Closer to the end of the night, Jamie gets up and does a speech thanking everyone for coming and that’s when Alex comes up beside you and Miles.

You just about hear him say to Miles that he’s just paid for a drink for him at the bar and for him to go and choose what he wants and then once again, Alex is left standing beside you with a full beer in his hand as you both listen to Jamie’s short and sweet speech.

Obviously, the guitarist brings up his lovely wife and thanks her for everything. Jamie gives Katie a stunning bunch of flowers which you can instantly tell that she loves, but as he hands the microphone over to her, Alex grabs your attention.

“Why do you think I don’t like you?” You're shocked as you hear that question fall from his lips, but you don’t hesitate to be honest with him.

You’re a little taken aback if you’re honest. He may as well have just shouted it at you because you’re genuinely that shocked by the question despite his voice being just above a whisper.

“Erm,” You swirl your drink around the glass before looking up into his brown eyes, “You never say more than a few words to me whenever I see you.”

Jesus, this is fucking awkward.

You see him frown a little then though, and after a second's thought, he asks, “That makes you think I don’t like you?”

“Well, it doesn’t make me think that you’re overly fond of having a conversation with me.” You say with a little chuckle of disbelief as to why you had to say it outloud. “And you’ve never tried to get to know me like the rest of your friends have and whenever I try with you, I don’t get much of a response.”

“Never intended for it to come across like that.” Alex tells you, and he does look like he feels bad, but it’s not like you’re holding it against him. So you don’t need his, “Sorry.”

All your brain is telling you right now is ‘Avoid confrontation at all costs’. You’re really not equipped to have that conversation with him drunk but you did tell him the truth.

“Don’t be.” You shake your head before looking back at Katie, “It is what it is.”

You can still feel his eyes on you and you’re half sure you hear him say the start of your name but your attention is clearly ripped away from him when Katie say’s your name down the microphone.

“Y/N,” She grins at you gesturing for you to come to her, and you see Jamie now holding a bunch of flowers that turns out to be for you, “Couldn’t have done this without you Hun. I had to get you these.”

You shake your head and go over to thank and hug her, leaving Alex watching after you. He just stays in his head and drinks his drink, silently processing your previous words.

~*~*~*~ January 26th 2018 ~*~*~*~

“Hey!” Jamie shouts as he runs through the front door and quickly starts routing around for whatever it is he’s looking for.

Katie says a surprised, “Hi?” and you can see and hear the distaste that he’s back so early.

Tonight Katie had invited you round once Forrest had gone to bed because Jamie was meant to be out for the evening with the lads. She needed a wind down after a long week of work and looking after her toddler whilst Jamie was away doing PR for the new album.

You’re both half way through your first bottle of red wine as Jamie now comes scurrying into the lounge, almost frantically searching around for something. You find it quite funny too because he definitely hadn’t noticed you sitting in his lounge.

That changes a second later when comes towards you and pulls out the messy drawer on the side table just near you. He smiles quickly, “Hey Y/N, good to see you.”

“And you Jamie” You grin, seeing his wife still waiting for him to announce why he’s intruded on your night in.

After scurrying around the lounge, clearly trying to find whatever it is he’s lost, she asks, “What are you doing back here?”

“I forgot my wallet.”

You’re desperately trying not to laugh at Katie’s silent sigh, or when she lets out an annoyed, “You left the door open J.”

You look towards their door and you can see it’s half open, letting all the precious heat inside their cosy house out. The winter air is absolutely freezing and it’s causing a draft that both you and Katie can feel without coats on.

“Al, you tosser!” Jamie shouts as he continues looking around for his wallet, “Don't wait outside come and help me find it, you prick!”

You can almost hear Alex’s sigh as he steps into the house, “Not my fault you left it here.”

“Alex, please come in and shut the door.” Katie waves him in from her seat, “It’s fucking freezing.”

He sighs a little as he says, “Yes, Miss Cook.” before closing the door and walking into the house with his coat wrapped tightly around him.

He looks like he doesn’t want to be out of his own space, let alone be here. He’s not smiling like he usually is when he sees Katie and he’s practically rolling his eyes watching Jamie run around like a headless chicken.

“Ignore him. He didn’t want to come out at all.” Jamie shakes his head as he walks around the lounge and back around the corner to the hall where he came in and heads past Alex and up the stairs.

Katie continues talking to you about your previous conversation and Alex just stands under the open arch between the hall and the lounge. Or that is until you all hear a loud bang come from upstairs.

A few seconds later all of you hear Jamie make another loud bang and Katie inhales sharply through her nose. Annoyance is bubbling through her system when you all hear him say “Shit.” from upstairs, clearly very loudly.

“He better shut the fuck up or he’s going to wake Forrest up.” Katie looks at you with a death glare that’s definitely meant for her husband.

Katie gets herself up from her seat opposite you and walks past Alex to half mute her voice as she yells, “Jamie!”

“Don’t mind me,” She looks from Alex back to you as she half smiles, “I'm just gonna go kill my husband.”

Alex chuckles at that and you let out a little giggle before taking another sip of your wine as you hear your best friend walk up the stairs. That leaves a silence between you and Alex and one that you’re itching to fill. You hate that it’s always awkward between you both.

After taking another sip of your wine, you politely ask, “How are you?”

“Good, thank you.” Alex nods, walking towards the wood burning fireplace that Katie was lighting when you arrived.

You debate mentioning that his hair is a lot longer since the last time you saw him, but you decide not to. The last thing you want is to make anything more awkward, so you go for something that he’s used to talking a bit more about.

“You enjoying the build up to the album release?” You ask, praying the conversation will being to flow a little easier.

But all you get is a half hearted, “Yeah. It’s been alright so far.” as he crouches by the fire and puts another piece of wood onto it.

“Good good.” You smile despite him not even looking your way.

… And nothing. No follow up question about you, not even a smile.

You’re sure he hates you. There’s absolutely no other possible explanation for why he would make things this uncomfortable for you both if he didn’t. You can’t stand uncomfortable silences which makes you more nervous and the need to chat takes over again.

You’d think that someone who does interviews for a living would know how to make people feel comfortable and you know for a fact that he does. You’ve seen a fair few in your time being their friend, and you’d seen Alex interact with his friends and his fans. You have no idea why he makes life so awkward for you.

You try again, hoping to ease your awkwardness by asking him about something he enjoys.

“How did you find writing this one?” Is the only thing you can come up with that you’re genuinely curious about, “I think Jamie mentioned that you got writer's block or something for a while, is that true or was he bullshitting me? Because you’ve always seemed to write and record really quickly from an outsider's perspective.”

“Yeah,” Alex nods with a sigh, still not even glancing at you, making you wish you never asked, “Was difficult at the beginning, got there in the end.”

Wow.

Amazing.

Enthralling story.

Taking another sip of your drink, the uncomfortable tension feels like it's suffocating you and you’ll do literally anything to ease it. Blabbing on about where they are going seems to be the direction you take.

“Where are you being dragged out tonight? Just to the George and Dragon,” which is about a 2 minute walk from here, “Or are you going into town?”

“Heading into town I think.” Alex stands himself back up and tucks his hands back into his pockets, glancing at you as he walks back to the centre of the lounge.

After taking a sip of your wine, you politely ask, “Anywhere nice?”

“No idea.” He shakes his head.

Smiling, you try to make light of the situation. “You really don’t wanna go, do you?”

“No,” Alex shakes his head, and says under his breath probably not meaning for you to hear, but you do, “I don’t even want to be here.”

To you that’s another way of saying shut the fuck up. Biting your tongue after that is difficult, but it's easier than letting him make you feel like shit again.

After drinking your last mouthful of wine, you get yourself up and out of this uncomfortable situation. You don’t bother telling him where you’re going as you doubt he cares but you’re just thankful that you don’t have to deal with him anymore.

Disappearing to the Cook’s downstairs toilet, you’re glad when you hear Jamie race down the stairs a minute or two later, shouting, “Right Al, come on. Let’s go.”

As you open the door and make your way back round to the hall, you hear Jamie say bye to Katie, followed by Alex politely saying goodbye to Katie. He gives her a hug and his eyes make contact with yours as he slips out, not even nodding a ‘bye’ as he leaves, closing the front door behind him.

“Hiding again?” Katie turns to grin at you, knowing just how uncomfortable you find interactions with Alex after years of the same behaviour.

“He’s so awkward.” You nod laughing, but you’ve got better things to be thinking about tonight. “Come on babes, I need another glass of wine.”

Thank fuck for that.

~*~*~*~ 21st September 2018 ~*~*~*~

“Y/N, Hey!”

“Jamieee.” You grin, walking towards his open arms so you can give him a hug.

You walk into his arms and you appreciate the tight hold he traps you in. As you give him a squeeze, the guitarist says, “Missed seeing you in my house.”

You can’t help but chuckle a little at that. After greeting Nick and Kelly as you walked in with Katie, you couldn’t wait to see Jamie backstage tonight. Matt unfortunately doesn’t seem to be around this communal area just yet but you're grateful for the lead singer's absence.

“Ahh well, I've been there more than you.” You tease him, his tour has been so long it feels like forever since you last saw him, “I’ll be sleeping in your bed next.”

“Surprised you don’t some nights,” Jamie laughs as he releases you from the embrace, “You’re both piss heads.”

You can’t help but laugh and nod. You just end up shrugging, “Well, red wine calls us both.”

Both you and Katie can’t help it. You’re just living your best lives and the wine nights you share are the highlight of your week.

“Thanks for inviting me tonight.” You grin at Jamie.

You’re actually thrilled you’ve been invited to their gig tonight. Them being back home in Sheffield must be awesome for them and the fact that they have four shows back to back at the FlyDSA arena makes you happy too. It’s a proper homecoming. And after a stressful week this is definitely what you needed to let loose a bit.

“Oh, I’m not the one that you need to thank.” Jamie smiles and you think nothing of it, assuming Katie’s told him you have to come.

She usually does that when she’s invited somewhere anyway. She really likes taking you out with her and sometimes out of your comfort zone.

Katie calls you over to the fridge in the communal area where she asks you what you want to start the night off with. You’re shocked as to how much alcohol is in the fridge, there’s got to be at least 30 cans of beer and there’s also wine in there. Bottles of red are left on the side beside it too.

“Fucking hell, I can’t believe they get this much stuff every night.” Your eyes go a little wide seeing the fridge.

Katie laughs at that, “I know they are greedy, I’ll have a route to see what there is.”

You watch her astounded at just how much alcohol is in there. But your attention moves to the scouser who’s just walked through the door.

“Y/N.” Miles calls your name from across the room and you grin when you turn to see him.

“Course they had you come for their home shows.” You laugh, throwing your arms around him.

You adore Miles. He’s been a good friend for a long time and you feel really comfortable around him. Unlike his best friend, Miles seems to listen to what you have to say and he’s interested in it.

It meant that you’d been close for a long while and he always makes an effort to check in with you every month which you love him for. He’s honestly such a good person and you think the world of him.

“I’ve been here the past two days and I’ve been asking for you.” Miles informs you, “I was going to text you but Katie said you were busy?”

“Yeah sorry, I’ve had some planning to do for work and had to see family the last few days.” You shake your head, not wanting to think about all that right now. You grin at Miles, clearing your head, “So glad to be here now.”

“Ooo Y/N/N,” Katie gets your attention and she has a big grin on her face as she tells you, “There's a full bottle of Amaretto in here. Not seen this before.”

“Oooo amazing.” You grin, selfishly loving the fact you won’t have to pay for your own drinks until the after party later.

Miles traps you in another conversation whilst Katie makes you your drink. Before she pours your drink though, she can’t help but wonder why the bottle is there in the first place.

“J?” Katie calls her husband over and when he’s standing beside her, she asks him, “When did you add this to your rider?”

“I didn’t know we did.” Jamie frowns in confusion looking at the bottle of Disaronno. He knows no one in the band drinks it so he asks his wife, “Why? Who drinks it?”

“Y/N does.” Katie tells him, ”It's her favourite.”

“Well, happy days then.” Jamie smiles and shrugs it off, thinking nothing of it.  

Drinks flow for a while after that. Now you’ve had two glasses of your favourite, you really feel like it’s a Friday night and you can finally have a bit of fun.

That thought slowly dies though when Alex comes into the room with Matt in tow. You’d seen him a few times since the night you couldn’t get an Uber home from the Cook’s house and he walked you home but he still wasn’t all that chatty with you.

It was a little easier but you were still the one making all the effort and actively trying to make conversation with him. You can’t imagine anything different happening tonight, christ, you’ve still not mentioned to him that you like his new buzzcut.  

In fact, you imagine he’ll be a little worse because he’s got everyone who he wants around him and you’re just Katie’s plus one. Thankfully you’re distracted for a minute by the bubbly man that is Matt Helders.

He’s a gooden too. You do love him but you can’t lie, he made a questionable decision with his love life. Why anyone would leave Breana you have no idea.

Like Katie’s rants about Alex doing the dirty on Taylor, you heard the same rants for her about Matt cheating on Breana. Once again, it wasn’t really your place to have an opinion so you just let her rant at you.

But Matt had always been lovely to you, so obviously you wouldn’t bring the things you heard about him into your dynamic. You chat to the drummer for a few minutes and he makes you laugh countless times at how tipsy he is.

You genuinely don’t know how he can perform for two hours when he’s like this before. But you can’t blame him, and he seems to be having fun and you know he’ll put on a good show.

Matt wonders off to grab himself another drink leaving you alone at the side of the now busy room. But you don’t mind people watching, it’s quite a good pass time for someone like you who doesn’t like awkward encounters. Anything to keep you from rambling on like you always do when you’re drunk and nervous.

Your eyes mostly roam over the people you don’t know, you find them more interesting to try and figure out. Guess which members of the band they know and how they’re friends.

But your people watching hobby fucks you over royally. As you eyes glance over at who Alex is chatting too, the singer's eyes connect with yours and you avert your gaze immediately.

You honestly just can’t deal with the awkwardness today. You need more alcohol to deal with that. Being drunk was the only reason you survived that walk home with him.

But turns out you’re not so lucky, because when you glance back, Alex is on his way over to you which almost makes you spit your drink out. What the fuck?

Miles, your absolute saviour, runs into his best friend though and wraps him into a hug which you can’t help but laugh at. He kisses his cheek which makes Alex laugh and the smile lingers on his face after Miles tells him whatever it is he needs to tell him.

They chat for a minute and you just find yourself watching them. They chat so easily. It really makes you wonder what you’ve done to piss Alex off so much that it seems like he couldn’t care less if you were in the room with him or not.

If you had to bet, it would be your nervous rambling. But that’s not your fault. That’s your shyness taking over and your hatred of awkward silences.

Your jaw almost falls open though when Alex smiles at you from over Miles shoulder, and even more so when he moves around his best mate as greets you, “Hey Y/N.”

“Hey,” You say, a little surprised that he’s stopped his conversation with Miles to come over.

“How’ve you been?” He asks, which makes you want to pinch yourself.

Did he really just ask me how I was before I asked him?

You just about manage to smile as you say, “Yeah I’m great, how are you?”

“Good thanks, excited for the gig.” The singer smiles, and you can’t help but find it unnerving that he’s giving you his undivided attention. Alex follows up like he’s curious, “I didn’t think you were coming to any shows?”

“Oh no.” You shake your head, thinking Katie must have forgotten to tell the lads she invited you. “What's better than a gig, right?”

“Right.” Alex smiles, and it shocks you because it actually seems genuine, “Glad you could make it.”

Is he drunk? Why is he talking to me? He’s glad I could make it????? What now?

You smile at each other then. But your brain is all too aware that after two seconds there’s nothing more to say. So as you try to stop yourself from getting skittish, or making it more awkward.

“You been enjoying the tour?” You ask him, but you don’t give him any time to reply because you start your nervous talking, “I’ve seen a few videos and they’ve been good. Four Out Of Five seems to really pop off. I like that one, might be my favourite off the new album actually. But I really like One Point Perspective too.”

“Good choices.” Alex chuckles and you can’t help but silently scorn yourself for being awkward.

God, you wish you could have one normal interaction with him.

“Oh,” Alex’s eyes seem to light up for a second before he tells you, “Follow me a second, got something for you.”

You frown at him, not believing what he said in the slightest. You ask in confusion, “Me?”

“Yeah.” Alex nods and turns with a gesture for you to follow him.

The shock of it is what actually makes you move. You can’t help but whisper a small, “Oh.” though.

He surely has to be drunk?

But what’s mind-boggling is that he really isn’t. On the way out Miles asked him if he wanted another drink and Alex responded yes and added ‘this is only my first, definitely need one more before I go on’.

He leads you out of the room everyone was in and around the corner to where a group of the crew guys are. There’s a quiet word exchanged with who you assume to be the main crew guy and you watch from behind Alex as the guy nods at him and a second later he hands the lead singer something.

You shake your head as soon as you see Alex turn back to you and hold up the AAA pass that’s hanging from the lanyard he’s trying to give you.

“Oh Alex, I don't need that.” You shake your head, “I like watching from the arena.”

Half of them in that room watch from a box which is where you expected to be watching from. It’s no issue to you where you are in the arena, it’s nice enough you were invited by Katie to come tonight for free. Christ knows you wouldn’t have been able to get a ticket on Ticketmaster.

“Come on,” Alex presses on, “I’ve never seen you back here.”

Because you really like watching from the arena. You’ve never been at the side of the stage and you’re not sure if you want to be. You’ll just feel like you’re in the way.

You try to argue your point, “But-”

“No buts,” Alex smiles as he puts the lanyard over your head so it falls around your neck like a necklace. The singer continues, “You can’t be leaving Katie on her own. She’s been missing you for the last two weeks. I’m sure Jamie will like you being at the side of the stage too.”

He gives your shoulders an encouraging squeeze and the smile on his face makes you believe that you’ve swapped bodies with Katie for a hot second. He’s never talked to you like this before.

“Thanks Alex.” You smile sheepishly, not really knowing what else to do other than accept in this situation, “You really didn’t have to do that.”

The singer shakes his head like he doesn’t need your thanks. He just smiles at you and says, “It's nice seeing you here.”

It goes silent for a second then between you and your mind scrambles for something to talk about so this surprisingly good interaction doesn’t take a turn for the worst. You’re thankful it’s not your rambling that ends the conversation though.

Someone from the crew a bit further down the hall shouts Alex’s name then which makes the both of you turn to look at where the voice came from. You both see someone wave and then they tap their ear at the same time they almost do the Asda Price bum tap thing.

Whatever it is goes straight over your head. But Alex seems to understand because he nods and holds up a finger telling him one minute.

“Sorry to be a pain,” Alex says as he turns back to you, “They are shouting me for something about my mic pack.”

“It’s okay.” You smile.

Alex smiles back at you, and he says, “See ya in a bit Y/N, hope you enjoy the show.”

“Always do.” You smile and as you turn back around, you say, “Break a leg.”

The singer just smiles at you and you head your separate ways.

Great. Now you just sound like a fucking suck up. Go and get another drink Y/N/N. For fucks sake.

~*~*~*~

Surprisingly, that isn’t your only interaction with Alex tonight. During the short interval between the encore, when they came off stage both Alex and Matt came over and talked to you whilst Nick and Jamie spoke to their wives.

You were tipsy at that point so you started chatting their ear off like you usually did and Matt of course entertained you, but what surprised you most is that Alex was actually smiling. He actually seemed interested in what you had to say - even if it was just nervous bullshit - and he didn’t try to look for someone else to talk to which was very surprising to you. But that was probably just because Matt was there though.

Expecting that to be it, you didn’t give the singer much thought other than that. Knowing that you’re all going into town after this with quite a lot of people settles your nervous energy. You’ll probably have Katie and Kelly to yourself for most of the night because of their men interacting with everyone who wants to speak to them.

And for the most part you’re right about that. Katie gets you drunk, to the point where you’ve had to stop drinking for about an hour so you don’t throw up in the toilets. But the party is still in full swing and you - along with everyone else - have had a nice night.

You’ve just come back from the toilet and you’re looking around for Katie who has now disappeared from the table you were previously at. Kelly had gone home a little earlier, leaving Nick here to have his fun, so you and Katie had been chatting the night away and you’ll be getting a taxi with her back home because you live a 10 minute walk away from her house.

You just take your seat back at the table you were previously sitting on and pull your phone out. The last thing you wanted to do was interrupt anyone else's conversation so you were happy waiting for Katie to find her way back to you.

Sitting there, your still tipsy mind is paying no real attention to what you’re seeing on Instagram. You do find yourself singing along to the Tame Impala song that's playing in the room which you can just about hear over the noise of the busy chattering.

“Hey,” Alex's voice startles you out of your thoughts as he comes and sits himself down next to you with a smile on his face as he asks, “You enjoy the show?”

“Hey, yeah,” You nod, taking a deep breath to stop your shocked heart from giving out. Smiling, you tell him, “Well done.”

“Thanks, Y/N.” Alex grins back at you, and he places a glass down in front of you, “Got you a drink.”

“Oh,” Your eyes go a little wide looking at the whisky glass he’s put down in front of you, “Thank you.”

You pick it up and swirl the liquid around the two ice cubes and initially you thought it was whisky like he’s currently drinking, but you notice the liquid is lighter and a little thicker. Is this your favourite liqueur?

And the singer confirms that it is your favourite drink when he must notice you glancing at your drink. He brings you out of your thoughts and you look back at him as he speaks.

“You drink Amaretto on the rocks when you’re out, right?” Alex nods down to your drink like he’s worried he got it wrong.

“Yeah, yeah.” You nod, completely baffled that he knew that about you, but you smile nonetheless, “Thank you, you didn’t have to get me that.”

Christ, what a good guess on his part.

Alex smiles, “Least I can do.”

You take a sip of the drink and you can’t help but love the taste of it. And after not drinking for an hour or so, the taste is lovely and refreshing on your tongue.

“Did you enjoy your show?” You ask to fill the silence between you.

Granted the noise in the busy room makes his absence of conversation not as bad, but you hate the awkward feeling in your chest. Talking always makes it feel better and your tipsy self can’t control what you say anyway.

“I bet you don’t hear that a lot, or I guess you might.” You ramble, “But I imagine, with performing like that, you just get a lot of people telling you that they enjoyed themselves despite you maybe not feeling it was your best or whatever.”

You notice his lip twitch up at that and you feel like you’ve just shot yourself in the foot. “Sorry, that made it sound like I’m saying you were shit. I’m not. You weren’t. I’m just saying, bet you don’t really get asked a lot. So yeah, um, sorry.”

After the singer takes another sip of his drink, he smiles, “You don’t need to apologise… Yeah, I enjoyed myself. It was probably the best night this week.”

You nod at that, taking another sip of your Amaretto before you open your mouth again, “That’s good. I guess it makes the home shows more special. Has anywhere ever beaten home shows? I imagine all the UK ones are pretty special with you all literally travelling around the world.”

“God, big question.” Alex chuckles a little, before looking at the ceiling as if the answer was written up there. He comes back with, “I think home shows are the rowdiest and loudest which is fun. I think the best ever was Glastonbury though.”

You grin, “Which one? First or second time?”

“Full of good questions.” Alex smiles before he swirls his glass around as he thinks which reminds you of something else entirely.

“Oh,” You practically giggle, which brings his attention back to you, “You make me laugh when you do that ‘losing your train of thought’ thing on stage. Wasn’t aware that an Arctic Monkeys show is actually shitty stand up comedy these days.”

“Offended you think it's shit.” Alex scoffs which makes you drunkenly giggle.

As you finish laughing you shrug and tell him, “Was better in the days that you did the kung fu fighting thing still.”

“Damn,” Alex shakes his head, “Need to step my game back up. Any other suggestions?”

You think about it for a second and you’re just about to give him a long spiel of awkward suggestions that probably should never leave your mouth. But they thankfully don’t because the most gorgeous wife in the world comes back over and grabs your attention.

“Hey Y/N,” Katie grins at you with her coat folded over her arm and she asks, “You ready to go?”

“Yeah,” You nod, grabbing your coat from just beside you, “Yeah.”

As you slip your coat on and finish your drink in a quick mouthful, Alex keeps Katie entertained.

“Mrs Cook.” Alex grins, taking a sip of his beer after calling her out, “You lightweight.”

You have an amused grin on your face as she frowns at him, “Some of us have kids to look after in the morning, Turner.”

“I’m so glad I'm not you right now.” You laugh honestly.

The last thing you’d want was to be hungover and then have to get up early to deal with kids in the morning. Definitely not happening any time in your near future.

“You and me both.” Alex chuckles before he glances back at Katie. “Did you have a good night Mrs Cook.”

“Stop calling me Mrs Cook, you make me feel old.” She playfully scorns him.

“You are old.” Alex fires back just as cocky as she was, pointing out some fair points, “You’ve been married for half a decade and you have a child.”

Katie scowls at the singer then, and she fires back, “Well at least I don’t have a fucking ugly orange settee where I choose to live.”

You have to laugh at that. You’ve heard about how weird and wonderful this sofa is. You know she’s hated it ever since she’d seen it when he moved in, but Alex apparently likes how his furnished flat came. So he’s not changing it.

Alex argues back, with a look of determination, “It matches the blue walls.”

“Your flat looks like a pop art painting.” Katie fires back, narrowing her eyes at him.

“You’re just jealous because you can’t have pretty things like that because your kid will draw on it.” Alex defends himself with a grin, before adding his final joking remarks, “And you’re boring because you have your Mum brain on all the time.”

“At least she’s a milf.” You grin at her, “It’s very lucky Jamie is away so much. Get her all to myself.”

Katie burst out laughing at that and you hear Alex chuckle at you too. Not that you’ll remember any of this tomorrow, you can practically feel the memories already leaving your mind.

Christ, that one extra drink has really done you over. You feel just as drunk again. God you already don’t want the hangover tomorrow.

Katie tells you that she’s going to go and find a few people to say goodbye to and that she’ll meet you over by the door in a few minutes. So you politely ask Alex to let you up from the booth you’re in and he does so without any argument.

As you stand in front of him, the singer wonders aloud, “You’re coming tomorrow, right?”

“Oh I, um,” You don’t really know what to say other than, “I didn’t know I was invited?”

The last thing you wanted to do was be in the way again. Because god knows at some points tonight when the crew was running around you, Katie, and Kelly you felt like you were in the way. And you never want to outstay your welcome anyway.

“Course you are,” Alex tells you, and he says as if it’s obvious, “You’ve been on the guestlist all week, Y/N.”

“Oh.” You say, a little dumbfounded because you really didn’t know and his gaze still makes you feel a little uneasy.

Well if Katie had told you she’d done that for you you might have been able to come a few dates earlier. Or maybe not considering it’s still been a little awkward tonight with Alex, you’re grateful for the conversations you’ve had though.

But you won’t remember your discussions with him because you’ve had so much to drink. And tomorrow you’ll blame your hangover on Katie for more than likely asking Jamie to put the Disaronno in his rider.  

“You don’t have to,” Alex backtracks a little, but it’s nonchalant and you think nothing of it anyway. He follows it up with, “Just thought that you usually spend your saturday nights with Katie and she's here anyway. You’re welcome to come again.”

How kind of him. He must have been abducted by aliens and this is a nicer clone. There's absolutely no other explanation to your tipsy mind.

“Thanks, yeah,” You nod and the singer smiles at you when you confirm, “I’ll be there.”

Because you won’t be turning down free live music or alcohol any time soon.

You glance at the door and notice Katie giving Jamie a kiss so you figure it’s time to get going yourself. You look back at Alex and he smiles knowing what you must already be thinking.

“Then I’ll see you tomorrow Y/N/N.” Alex grins and you give him a smile and a small ‘bye’ as you turn to leave.

But the singer shouts your name after you take a few steps away, so when you turn back to him, he answers your earlier question, “First time. First Glastonbury blew my mind.”

All you seem to be able to do in response to that is grin. You nod a little before saying, “See you tomorrow Alex.”

~*~*~*~ 20th August 2018 ~*~*~*~

“I want to cry, the Uber cancelled again.” Katie whines, pouting slightly as she looks out of the window at the rain.

“Just our luck for not booking a proper taxi in advance.” Jamie sighs, scorning himself for not thinking better of it earlier.

Tonight you, Katie, Jamie, and Alex had been out separately but you’d all convened back together at the Cook household so Jamie’s parents could be relieved of babysitting duties. You and Katie shared another bottle of wine and gossiped for another 2 hours whilst the boys drank their beer and chipped into the conversation now and again.

“It’s not the end of the world,” Alex tells them, “We don’t live that far away.”

“Yeah, I’ll just brave the cold.” You assure Katie, and add in a little jest using air quotes, “At least it’s ‘summer’ and not snowing.”

“But the rain.” Katie points to the window.

Yeah walking home at the end of the night in the rain can be a little shit. But it was nothing you’d not done before. Granted you were like 21 the last time you’d done that but it’s really not the end of the world.

“It’s not heavy, I'll be okay.” You promise her to try and ease her worries, “At least I’ll go home looking like a drowned rat and not the other way around.”

You grab your coat from near the door and Katie follows you saying, “You can’t walk home on your own at three am, Y/N.”

“I’ll be fine.” You tell her as you slip your shoes back on.

Alex shocks both you and Katie to your cores when he says, “I’ll walk her home.”

Katie mustn’t be able to believe her ears because she asks, “What?”

You almost laugh, because she sounds like she’s as shocked as she was when Alex walked in on your wine night with Jamie and Nick the other month and she first saw his buzzed hair cut.

“We live the same way with about five minutes between us.” Alex points out, and he looks at you and nods, “I’ll walk you home.”

So that is how you’re currently walking from the Cook’s house to your own with Alex by your side.

Since Jamie’s party when he came up to you and asked why you didn’t think he liked you, the singer had surprisingly been a little better with you. He said hello to you and he seemed to engage a little more.

He’s still quiet around you, but you’ve noticed now that he goes like that around most people he doesn’t really know that well. You guess you can’t really change that though considering whenever you start asking him questions he doesn’t really give you much of an answer.

You’ve come to terms with that thought which is why you’re biting your tongue as you walk beside him. The urge to start asking him a bunch of questions is really strong but you’d rather not have the sinking feeling in your chest when you just receive one word answers back.

To occupy yourself as you’ve been walking the past few minutes, you’ve been running over the lyrics of your favourite song in your head. Alex seems to be in his head as it is so you don’t feel too bad as you walk despite the strong urge to rid yourself of the awful silence between you.

All you really focus on is making sure the umbrella that Katie lent you keeps you dry. Alex had a coat with a hood and even when you offered to share the umbrella with him he told you it was fine and that was the last thing you said to each other.

Or that was until Alex speaks up and asks you, “Am I right in thinking you were married?”

“Yeah for four years.” You nod, glancing over at him, and chuckling a little, “If you can believe it.”

Thank fuck he spoke up. The silence was eating away at you.

Alex’s eyes go a little wide, “Really?”

The poor man probably shouldn’t have asked, because the floodgates you were holding shut have just burst open and your nervous chatter just comes out. And considering you’re drunk, there is no chance you can stop it.

“Yeah, together since we were sixteen. Married at twenty one and stayed together for four years. But we just didn’t love each other anymore. Well, not in the way that qualifies you still be married to someone.” You ramble on before continuing, “Don’t get me wrong I would be devastated if something happened to him. Touch wood nothing does. But we just lived separate lives, went to work, came back home, and went to bed. Half the time he did shifts so I never saw him.”

You carry on to explain, “My life was just boring and I thought to myself I shouldn’t be feeling bored aged twenty-five. I wanted to travel and see the world but I just got a mortgage straight away so the only travelling we ever did was when we went to Vegas and got married.”

“So I got divorced, and how sad is it that I've got to tell people I'm a thirty one year old divorcee.” You finish off with.

But then you realise who you’ve said all of that to. And that he doesn’t like chatting to you at the best of times. So he probably didn’t care about anything you just told him, or appreciated the amount of rambling you just did.

You feel the need to say, “Sorry.” and you glance at Alex as you sheepishly say, “You didn’t really ask that, did you?”

For fucks sake Y/N. A ‘yes’ would have done!

“It’s okay.” Alex assures you with a small smile.

“No, it's just me rambling when I'm drunk and nervous.” You scorn yourself, hating the uneasy feeling in your chest. Unable to understand why you do it, you still end up saying, “I’m sorry. I’m a chatty person in general and getting alcohol into my system just makes me worse. Not to mention if I'm nervous too… Can never stop me going then.”

You guess getting it off your chest and him knowing that about you may make you easier to understand. Maybe he won’t find you as annoying because the last thing you want is to annoy him. You’re close with Katie and Jamie so you’re bound to run into each other more now he’s going to be living in Sheffield.

The singer frowns a little then before looking back to you to curiously ask, “Why are you nervous?”

Because you’re the most awkward man to talk to possibly ever?!!??!??!?

Course you can’t say that though. So you give the other true reason.

“I don’t like walking home in the dark usually.” You tell him sincerely, because it does freak you out. “I don’t know, bit of an irrational fear at this point but someone followed me home when I was younger and it really freaked me out. So um yeah… Thank you for doing this.”

“It’s really not a problem Y/N/N,” He smiles at you in what seems like a genuine way then, “I wasn’t going to let you walk home alone.”

You can’t help but think that’s really kind of him considering he really doesn’t know you very well. You tell him, “You’re a gooden, Alex.”

The singer just smiles a little at that, but you can see he’s being completely genuine when he says, “Sorry that happened to you.”

You give him a small smile then, appreciating how sincerely he said it. But you don’t really want to dwell on that whilst you’re walking in the dark so you change the subject.

“Do you prefer being back in Sheffield after all your time away?”

Alex wonders in what context you’re on about, so he questions, “You mean like over tour?”

“No, I mean like from living in different places because you were in New York when I first met you. Then you were in LA and you’ve got a place over there, right?” You double check, looking to him for assurance.

Alex nods and you continue, “Then you were to and from LA and London, right? And now you decided to come and stay back home? Or do you not plan on staying now?”

And you’re pleasantly surprised at the lengthy answer he gives you.

“Oh I'm definitely staying in Sheffield now… At least for a little while after the tour is finished.” He explains, “I think I just need time back where everything is normal and familiar again. Like Miles goes and stays back home quite often and I’ve not been back here for more than two months maybe since I was twenty two… It’s a long time away and it's quite nice to just come back and feel normal.”

You understand what he’s saying completely, but you can’t help but jokingly add, “Well… As normal as you can, being the front man of Sheffield's pride and joy.”

Alex laughs a little at that which shocks you because you never expected to make him laugh. But he does remind you, “You’re forgetting about Pulp.”

“You’re forgetting Pulp haven’t released anything since 2012.” You raise your eyebrows at him as your defence.

“Fair dos,” Alex laughs a little and you take what joy you can out of the fact that you made that happen. “But yeah, I like being myself back here and I like that I’m with most of my good friends and I get to be a proper uncle to the kids over here now.”

“They talk about you all the time. It's funny.” You can’t help but grin at the thought of your little god children, “Katie blames Jamie for being gone on you so when Katie has Kelly and Nick’s kids round too they complain like ‘Why has Uncle Alex taken Dad away again?’” You mimic in a whiney voice that again makes Alex laugh.

Alex chuckles, “I need to have a word with that Mrs Cook. She’ll get me into trouble with them.”

You promise him, “It’s nothing a chocolate bar wouldn’t solve.”

“I must owe them so much chocolate.” Alex grins.

You nod and begin to slow your walking down because you’re about to reach your house, “Oh yeah, you definitely do.”

“I’ll get Katie to invoice me.” The singer says as he notices you glance to the houses just beside you both and you slow down.

Matching your speed, you both come to a stop just in front of your house and you smile at the singer, “Thank you for walking me home.”

“Not a problem, Y/N.” Alex smiles back and you’re really glad that

You start slowly moving closer to your house as you say, “I hope the next leg of your tour goes well.”

“Thank you.” He says as he watches you get closer to your house.

“See you soon Alex.” You say with a smile as you unlock your door and push it open. “Thanks again.”

Alex smiles, “Bye Y/N.”

~*~*~*~ 24th November 2018 ~*~*~*~

Chaos. That is the only word to describe the current situation that you’re in.

The Cook household is manic, Forrest is running round like a mad man as any toddler who’s just been given sweets by his uncle would be doing.

Toys are everywhere and Jamie is running around too as he’s been tasked with tidying them before the grandparents get here to babysit. Katie scolded Alex for giving Forrest sweets before they were due to go out before she went upstairs to get ready.

Katie’s Mum wasn’t here yet to babysit Forrest for the night whilst you were all going out and that added to the stress because the taxi was due in about 25 minutes. So you’re trying your best to be the good Auntie that you are and calm your godchild down before you all go out, but your good nature results in a causality.

Alex catches your arm as you almost fall over a mountain of toys Forrest decided to pull you through, but as you tried to salvage your footing you must have caught the leg of the table your shin smacked into as well. It didn’t hurt too much, the initial shock of it got you and the fact you almost fell over, but then you hear the awful sound of fabric ripping, it makes you wince. You know what's happened before you even look down to check.

“You’ve got to be fucking joking.” You mutter under your breath before you quickly glance at Alex and say a small, “Thanks.” as he stopped you from going arse over tit.

Alex asks slightly concerned, “Are you okay?” and that’s the first interaction with him since you walked in the door ten minutes ago.

You could blame that on the fact the Cook’s household was fucking mental, but it’s more than likely just normal that he doesn’t want to talk to you. You’re just glad he caught you if nothing else, the last thing you need is to fall and bruise yourself.

“Yeah, thanks,” You nod, letting go of his arm you were still grasping to perch on the back of the settee so you can get a look at the damage done to your tights, “Can’t say the same about them, for fucks sake.”

They are beyond salvageable. There’s a massive hole in the calf which is that big it almost fully reaches round to your shin. Theres now a massive fucking ladder up the side of them which makes them more transparent and you can feel it’s gone right up to your arse too.

“I can’t go out like this.” You sigh, wondering what you can do but it also pisses you off because you literally arrived a matter of minutes ago in your taxi feeling really good about yourself for a hot second, but now that’s all fucking disipated.

Jamie shrugs, suggesting, “Take them off.” as he watches Forrest play with some toys across the room.

“Oh yeah,” You roll your eyes, and your sarcasm rings clear telling him that you’re not in the mood for such a simple comment like that. You wore them for a reason, and that reason is because it’s fucking freezing outside, “And get fucking hypothermia because I’m shivering all night? I don’t think so Jamie.”

You’re only wearing a skirt tonight because Katie asked you to anyway. She wanted you to wear the skirt version of the dress that she had which you were fine with doing.

Katie was wearing a really cute red tartan dress with a long sleeve black top underneath whereas you opted to buy the dark green high waisted tartan skirt and you paired that with a white long sleeve top and you had your tights and ankle boots on.

You’re bloody freezing as it is, the last thing you want or need is to be taking your tights off. It’s a strong no from you.

“I mean you wanted a quick fix.” Jamie holds his hands up in innocence and you just ignore him for a second before walking out of the lounge and to the bottom of the stairs after hearing your best friend begin to walk down them.

“Katie, do you have tights I could borrow?” You ask her as she gets to the bottom of the stairs.

“I binned all mine the other day and ordered more but they haven't arrived yet.” She tells you and your once jolly mood plummets further, “They all had holes in them… How come?”

You show her your right leg and you turn slightly to pull your skirt up a little, making sure the lads don’t see but Katie can see just how high the ladder runs up.

“Oh.” Katie winces at that, feeling bad she can’t help you.

“I’ve got stockings you could wear?” She offers as the both of you walk back into the lounge, “They’d come up to your thigh?”

You almost want to slap her. You know exactly where those items of her clothing have been, which is why you give her a disgusted look as you say, “I’m not wearing stockings that you’ve been wearing whilst Jamie’s railed you.”

“They’ve been washed.” She scoffs.

“Thanks, but no. I can’t wear these though.” You sigh as you both walk into the lounge. You stick by the arched frame though and after a second of deliberation, you say, “Whilst you're sorting yourself out, I’ll walk home and change.”

Katie looks at you with concern filled eyes, “But the taxi is due in twenty minutes.”

“Exactly, and you don't have the time to be messing about.” You say as she’s clearly still got things to sort out. She’s only just now plugging her straighteners in and she doesn’t have her shoes on yet either. You continue with, “And your Mum isn’t here yet to look after Forrest. If you can pick me up on the way out, that’d be grand.”

Katie nods at you through the mirror as she starts parting her hair so she can style it, “Yeah that’s fine.”

“Right, I’ll go now then.” You tell the room before turning to grab your coat from the bannister.

But you almost stop dead when you hear Alex say, “I’ll walk with you.”

Did those words really just leave Alex Turner’s mouth?

They clearly did because he’s pulling his jacket back on and taking a step towards you. Not wanting to be a burden, you shake your head, “You don’t have to, it’s not that late.”

“It’s okay, I’ll walk with you.” Alex insists, giving you a look that’s assuring but he makes it lighthearted by saying, “Gives them more incentive to come and pick the both of us up from yours then, right?”

You assume he must remember from your walk home a few months ago that you didn’t like walking home in the dark. You see no other reason for him as to be so kind to offer. So you don’t argue with him further, even though you already feel nervous to have to spend time with him alone.

“Right.” You nod and avert your gaze from his. You look back to Katie and Jamie and say, “See you in a bit.”

~*~*~*~

The walk home was uncomfortable to say the least. Despite your speed walking, it really did seem to take forever to get back to your house with silence between you and the singer.

You’ve got past the point of trying to start a full conversation with him at this point, so you just opted to repeat the lyrics to your favourite song, Not fair by Lily Allen, to yourself three times knowing that by the time you finish the song in full for the third time you should be home. And when you’re correct, you’re very thankful.

Unlocking and getting into your house leaves a new sense of anxiety in your stomach though. You’ve left the place a fucking mess and you hate that when someone new walks in. Especially someone like Alex who hasn’t always been the nicest to you in the past, so you start rambling again as you let the both of you in.

“My house is a tip so sorry about this.” You tell him as you quickly slip your boots off so you can change your tights when you get a second. “Please ignore everything you see. I’ve really not had any time to clean up today. I was out this morning and then by the time I got back katie was mithering me to get ready for tonight which is fucking comical because she wasn’t ready even before we left.”

Alex closes the door behind and walks into your home and you don’t need to look at him to know he’s already looking around at your possessions. Most people do when they walk in anyway considering the back wall of your lounge displays your ever growing record collection.

You’re unsurprised when you hear him say, “Christ, that’s a lot of records.”

“I know right,” You smile and walk the both of you further into your home.  

And because you can’t handle silence as you start searching your shopping bags for a new pair of tights, you give him another anecdote, “My Dad gave me all of his from back in the day. Couldn’t believe it when he said I could have them all. I’d only just started my collection at the time and I probably had about twenty of my own and then he gave me all of his because he said it was old technology and he’ll never have any use for them anymore. And then my grandparents followed suit and they gave me all theirs too. Couldn’t believe my luck.”

“Three generations worth of collectors then?” Alex smiles and you nod.

“Yeah, I guess so.” You nod, not bothering with the bag you were currently routing through anymore because you’re a little bit taken aback by the fact he’s pulled your favourite Gorillaz album out.

Abandoning your search for replacement tights for the moment, you carry on your story as you watch him, “Been fun adding to the big collection though. I love just putting on a record to pass the time. It’s why my Spotify unwrapped is always so shit because I always listen to my LPs and not on my phone so at the end of the year it’s like ‘you listened to two thousand minutes of music this year’ and it’s bullshit because I just listen to so much more but it’s all on my turntable unless I'm walking to work.”

Alex hums with a smile on his face as he continues searching for more records. He’s pleased to see all of his own up there, including his EP, the TLSP albums, and the Submarine soundtrack. And when he pulls out Miles’ latest album Coup De Grace, he can’t help but chuckle seeing that Miles had signed it and written a message to you saying, ‘Y/N/N, my biggest fan in the world. Love you loads and I hope you enjoy the new tunes. All my love, Miles x’.

When you notice the singer looking at that, you laugh and tell him how Miles had given you a lovely message on the front of all his LPs.

“Bless Miles, he always writes me a nice message on each album I get sent.” You start to ramble as you search for new tights. “I don’t really remember when he started doing it… Oh yeah I do, I think it may have been when I mentioned when I first met him how much I liked Age of the Understatement and we were talking about it for ages. And then like a month later I get the record in the post and he’s signed it and it had the sweetest message on the front to go with it and he’s never stopped. He’s a gem.”

You stop talking about Miles when you get baffled for a moment how your tights weren’t in the shopping bag from the shop you thought you bought them from. So your search persists as you carry on routing in other bags you’ve yet to take upstairs.

As you do though, your nervous chatter persists. You really hate that you can’t stop it, and you’re sure you’re annoying your guest but he doesn’t stop you, and thankfully he doesn’t look annoyed by them today. But that doesn’t mean he doesn’t take you by surprise today by actively starting a conversation with you.

Just as you’re about to run upstairs to your room, you hear Alex ask, “Can I ask you a question?”

If Katie would have asked you that, you’d have said ‘You just did’ but because it’s Alex and you’re certain he doesn’t get your humour, nor would he tolerate it, you just say, “Yeah, of course you can.”

And you walk back into your lounge so you’re not being rude as you wait for his question. Alex looks as relaxed as possible as you feel like your heart is going to start beating out of your chest despite him still plucking records from your shelves.

His brown eyes linger on you as he asks, “Do I make you nervous?”

You certainly weren't expecting that question.

“What do you mean?” You find yourself asking, not understanding where that’s come from and you feel like you’re frozen in your spot.

Alex seems to think about his words before they leave his mouth next. And your heart that's thudding ten to the dozen in your chest doesn’t feel like it’s able to cope for much longer so you’re very thankful when he says what's on his mind.

“Well when I walked you home in the summer, you said that you ramble when you're drunk or nervous. And yes, on a few occasions we've seen each other lately we’ve been drunk, but you’re not now and you’re exactly the same.” Alex points out as he looks between you and the track listing on the back of your Brian Eno LP.

“You’re really chatty and jumpy when I come near you and it's like you’re flustered and jittery... Like the way a fan usually is but you’ve known me for too long for it to be that, so that’s why I'm asking,” Alex repeats himself, “Do I make you nervous?”

“Erm, yeah.” You nod, unable to say much else, “I guess you do.”

“In what way?” The singer asks you as he puts the record back where he found it before giving you his full attention and starts making his way over to you.

“I’m not scared of you or anything… You just really stress me out. I can never read you, never read what mood you’re in or even whether you like me as a person or you just think I’m Katie’s annoying friend that never shuts up.” You struggle for your words because you truly don’t know how to tell him without offending him. The last thing you’d want is for him to dislike you anymore.

But Alex’s gaze and increasing proximity makes you say more, “I don’t really know why you make me nervous after all this time. But you definitely unsettle me.”

You want to curl up into a ball and hide. You feel fidgety with the closer he gets and you want to avoid his gaze. But because he’s pointed it out, you don’t allow yourself. You stay strong and keep his eye contact despite his teasing.

“When you’re around me you talk like you- I don’t know how to describe it… You almost act like someone who's addicted to the E-numbers in sweets.” Alex grins, almost like it’s a little inside joke with himself. You try to keep yourself calm when he reaches his point, as he stops a few feet in front of you. “So that's why I’m curious if I made you nervous or not.”

“Well I guess the simple answer is yes.” You nod, but now with him so close, you try to look anywhere but at him.

This is far too awkward for your liking. Alex hums in response to that and he plucks another record that you recognise to be Histoire de Melody Nelson from your shelf that’s just beside you.

You think you’ve escaped the conversation now and you pray you can just go back to being awkwardly silent with each other and never relive that again. But apparently that’s not the plan.

Just as you were turning yourself around again to head upstairs, Alex leaves you shell shocked when he asks, “Do you want to fuck me?”

Instantly your eyes are the widest they could possibly get and you’re sure your jaw falls open. Looking at him intently to try and make sure you’re not dreaming this, you deadpan, “Excuse me?”

“Do you want to fuck me?” Alex asks, putting the record back like it's the most casual thing to ask someone he barely speaks to, “Is that why I make you nervous?”

This should be the easiest response you’ve ever given him.

“I-”

But your words fail you. Your heart feels like it’s about to beat out of your chest.

Wait… Do I want to fuck him?

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

A/N: So... What did you think??? What do you think is going to happen next??? Did you enjoy it? I really hope you did! 

Let me know if you want to be added to the taglist x

Taglist: @alovesreading​ @kennedy-brooke​ @ohladymoon​ @hazskillerqueen​ @more-multifandom-of-maddness @thereisaplaceintheheart​ 

[pipsuwu]

Pretty Boy

A/N: Yes, I did make this gif, but Tumblr dot com has fucked the quality :’) anyways....It has been YEARS since I have written fan-fiction (the last time I wrote fanfiction it was 2018). If you like it, feel free to let me know. If it is absolute dog shit, feel free to let me know. Enjoy, you horny bastard. MINORS, DO NOT INTERACT.

Summary: You and Spencer have no clue what you are to each other until you confess to him...  Pairing: Spencer Reid x GN!Reader 

Genre: Smut                      

Warnings: Foul Language, Sub!Spencer, dirty talk, praise kink, scratching, marking, temperature play, Spencer being referred to as “Princess”, there are a lot of pet names, light dacryphilia, light overstimulation, asphyxiation, 

Word Count: 3,496 

“Would you please stop looking at me like that?”

You shift your gaze, suddenly deciding the wall to your right was far more interesting to look at. When was the last time the wall was painted? The paint is chipping away at the corners…

“Does it make it hard to focus when I do ‘look at you like that’?” you ask, “Just curious…”

“It’s a bit difficult to talk to you when you practically f-fuck me with your eyes,” he says, looking down at the table you’re both sat at. He has been fidgeting with his hands the entire time the two of you have been talking. He was the one who asked you to come here with him for lunch… he did say the two of you needed to talk, but… he hasn’t been able to get to the point. You look back at him, he still has his gaze down to the table before him.

“Does that make you nervous?”

“You mean do YOU make me nervous?” Spencer sighed, looking back at you briefly before deciding he could not handle eye contact with you at this time.

“Well, do I?” you asked, matter-of-factly. “Do I make YOU nervous?”

“Honestly? Yes, but also no, I do not know quite how to articulate it… what are we?” He looked up at you, holding eye contact this time.

Ah, so that’s what this is about…You knew this would come up. You and Reid had an… interesting relationship to say the least. The two of you met 6 months ago while he was out with some of his coworkers at a bar, apparently he had crashed some form of “girls’ night” with his bald handsome friend/coworker/wingman? (It wasn’t Spence’s plan, he made sure to ramble on about it being all baldy’s idea) Long story short, he ended the night talking with you at the bar for over an hour rambling on about anything and everything he could think of while you just listened to him. God, he is so cute when he rambles…Anyways, you snuck your number in his blazer pocket before he left and it was not long before you two were talking…but the labels in your relationship are a bit unclear even after 6 months of talking. You two hang out, go out together, he comes over to your place, you go over to his… It's typically just to watch horrible documentaries while he rambles off statistics and you listen to him. And then there are the times you two have kissed…okay, you two were practically eating out each other’s faces, but that is not only a newer development it is also besides the point…

“I don’t know what we are, Spence… we’ve never really talked about that. Our “friendship and/or relationship”-if you could even call it that-is a bit odd.”

“Well, let’s talk about it,” He replies, after drawing in a deep breath and furrowing his eyebrows.

“Our “friendship and/or relationship”-if you could even call it that,” He says using his air quotes before putting his hand down and reaching the other to pick up his drink and take a sip, you see his Adam's apple bobbing up and down as he swallows, he has a really pretty neck… oh right, you’re supposed to be having a conversation…You look up at his face again while he takes another sip.

“I like our “friendship/relationship”…? But I would be lying if I said I did not want to…uh fuck you.”

He chokes slightly, coughing from a harsh intake of air. His mouth stretches into a thin line as he processes what you just told him. He nods, biting his lip before he clears his throat.

“Too much?” You ask, chuckling nervously stirring your very watered-down drink with the paper straw you were given.

“Th-Thank you for your uh honesty, I guess,” He looks down at the table again before meeting your gaze.

“You guess?” You question him, giving him a confused look.

“I don’t even know how to respond to that.” He quips, you can tell he’s thinking about what you said, but words are escaping him.

“So you don’t know if you feel the same?” you ask, tilting your head. He shakes his, before a look of panic crosses his face.

“I mean no, as in I do not know uh how I feel,” He felt the need to clarify, you smile and nod your head.

“That’s okay, Spence, you can take your time figuring that out if that’s what you need.”

He looked like he wanted to say something, but he didn’t quite have the words. Until his face just went blank. Completely neutral.

“Let me think about it alone,” He says after a moment, to which you nod.

The check gets paid, split as usual, and then you both go your separate ways. You go to your apartment, changing into a baggy t-shirt and your underwear the minute you get in. You decide to watch some random cooking show on the food network as background noise for a nap on your couch.

The nap was going swell until hours later, you got a call from none other than the pretty boy himself. It has barely been 3 hours… you answer the phone.

“Hey uh Spence-”

“Open the door,” He interrupts, you sit there for a moment, processing what he said.

“P-Please open the door,” He stutters out, you hear him sigh on the other end of the line. You nod, even though he cannot see you. And then, you get up and open the door for him.

“Spence…”

He doesn’t dare step into the apartment, only focused on you standing in front of him.

“It has barely been 3 hours,” You say, your head tilted as you scratched your scalp.

“You said to take my time, I took as much of it as I needed,” He starts, pausing to take a deep breath.

“Can you come in before we have this talk awkwardly in the doorway to my apartment,” You shift to the side, so he can enter the apartment space. He presses his lips together before nodding, he starts taking off his converse and socks by the door before walking to the couch to sit down. You close the door and grab an iced drink for the both of you from the kitchen, before joining him on the couch.

“You said you wanted to f-fuck me?” He said it in the form of a question, his voice so quiet you could barely hear him. You just look at him quizzically.

“Maybe I want you to fuck me,” He states before clearing his throat, “I like the time we spend together, but I do not think we can be ‘friends’... at least not platonically.”

“Maybe..” You repeat back to him.

“I shouldn’t have said maybe… I-I want you to fuck me,” Spencer’s ears start turning red when he stutters out the confession. You smile softly at him, amused.

“When-”

“Right now.” He says it while shifting around, fidgeting, his hands rub over his thighs back and forth. You raise your eyebrows. He looks down at his thighs. You grab his face gently, turning him back to face you. Your free hand moves his hair out of his eyes. You sigh softly.

“Are you sure?” You asked him, you wanted certainty.

“Yes, I am completely sure,” He says, nodding a little. He doesn’t break eye contact for a second.

“Okay, Pretty boy,” you respond practically in a whisper, stroking his hair gently before letting go of his face. He takes the drink I gave him and takes a sip before taking off his scarf and tossing it to the side.

“What’ll the safe word be?” you ask, while watching him take off his blazer and setting it with his scarf.

“Safe word?” He asks, eyebrows furrowing.

“Yeah, a safe word, in case you want to stop,” you state before taking a sip of your drink.”Is that a problem?”

“No, how about ‘potassium’?” He asks, looking back at  you,  you pause, nodding. He started loosening his tie. You get up, grip the collar of his button up, and tug him towards you. You start unbuttoning his shirt.

“Wait, potassium?” You ask, causing him to pause. He just nods slowly. You look in his eyes for a minute before booping his nose, nodding back to him before moving your hands back to his shirt. “Potassium it is,” you state, his shirt joins his clothes, and you tug on his belt. Spencer lets out a little gasp, looking you in the eyes, biting his lip a little. The belt gets undone and tossed with the rest of the clothes. You then unbutton and unzip his pants, your eyes never leave his. Even as he steps out of his pants, shuffling them to the pile of his clothes. He moves his hand to the bottom of your shirt, looking down at it while he starts to fidget with the hem in his hands before looking back up to meet your eyes. You look down before looking back up at him, nodding a little. He gets the hint. He takes off your shirt, dropping it on the floor, before gently leaving a chaste kiss on your lips. Your hand moves to run through his hair before gripping the hair at the back, tugging a little causing a low whine to come from Spencer. You deepen the kiss, biting his bottom lip. He moans lightly, bringing his hands up to rest on your shoulders. You tug on his hair again harder this time, moving your lips to lightly kiss his jaw before pulling away. You pull your hand out of his hair, lightly pushing him to sit down on the couch before straddling his lap. You sit back, admiring the view. Spence is already panting, he looks up at you through his lashes, his lips are red, and so are his ears. He is so pretty… You run your fingers through his hair gripping it to pull his head back, he closes his eyes. You start running your tongue up his neck, he shudders, humming to himself. You start marking his neck, biting and nipping at the sensitive skin. He moans lightly, his hand slipping in your hair and gripping it lightly causing you to groan. You leave hickeys and bite marks in a path towards his chest. His breathing gets heavier and heavier. You lick up his chest, before swirling your tongue around his right nipple. He gasps, his grip in your hair getting harsher.

“Y-Y/N,”He stutters out your name.You pause before moving to the other nipple, swirling your tongue around it, sucking lightly. He huffs out a heavy breath, groaning lightly. You occupy yourself kissing and marking his chest until you see Spence sliding the hand that isn’t still gripping your hair for dear life into his briefs. You grab his wrist swiftly and bring it up to his face. He lets go of your hair.

“Okay, Princess, I don’t recall saying you could touch yourself,” You state sarcastically.

“Princess?” He questions.

“Do you not like it?” You ask.

“I-I like it a lot...actually” He replies, he can barely look you in the eyes while admitting it. You smile at him, before tightening your grip on his wrist.

“Princess… don’t touch yourself right now, I want to take care of you.”

“Th-Then can you touch me?” He asks.

“You have to be a little more specific, Pretty boy.”

“Can you touch my cock, please…”he is incredibly embarrassed, even asking, you can tell by the tone of his voice, he avoids even looking you in the eyes after saying it. And you bite your lip, shutting your eyes for a second, nodding at him.

“You asked so nicely, so why would I say no?” You drop his wrist before giving him a light kiss, he deepens it, biting your lip and groaning into your mouth when he feels your hand grip the base of his cock. You move your hand along his cock, your grip tight. He groans and whines in your ear. You rest your head on his shoulder before biting down. Your hand gradually picks up the pace along his cock, squeezing tighter every so often, while he pants and moans practically right in your ear. He moves his hands to your shoulders, gripping his nails into your skin and dragging them down your back. You let go of his shoulder with your teeth and moan in his ear, arching your back. Your pace immediately quickens in response.

“Shit, Spence,” you curse, shuddering a little. He whines, continuing to dig his nails in your back.

“I need to c-cum,” He stutters out, his cock twitching as you quicken the pace even more. He stutters out moans, his face contorting in pleasure, sweat drips down his forehead, and on his chest. He seems lost in trying to reach his high. You reach to grab your drink, and take in enough drink allowing an ice cube in your mouth. Spence fails to notice, his eyes squeezed shut, as his back arches slightly. Muscles in his body twitching as he gets closer and closer to cumming. You dip your head, holding the ice cube between your teeth, running it over his chest, his eyes immediately open, as he whines, shuddering at the cold while his cock twitches and his body tenses up.

“F-fuck,” he stutters, bucking his hips up practically fucking your hand, in uneven thrusts. “I need to cum please.” He says a groan following. You lift your head taking the ice cube out of your mouth.

“I’m not going to stop you,” You state, smugly, slowing the pace you have on his cock, watching him come undone. His head immediately fell back, his hips frantically bucking up to meet your hand, as his eyes tears up moaning loudly. You slow your hand down to a complete stop, not wanting to overstimulate him too much… yet. You pull your hand away and lick his cum off your hand. He looks up at you through watery eyes, letting out a light groan at the sight. You were still holding the ice cube, so you decided to just suck it into your mouth letting it melt on your tongue. You briefly leave to get something to clean with before joining him back on the couch. You clean him up before giving him a light kiss letting him recover. You straddle him again, getting in his lap, and he groans. You look at him confused before lightly shifting on his lap. Oh.

“You’re hard again.” You say, shifting your hips again. He grabs your hips trying to get you to stay still, you grip his hands and take them off your hips. You get up and take off his briefs completely, throwing his briefs in the pile of his clothes. He reaches out for your underwear, tugging on the band of it while looking at you. You place your hand over his and help him tug it off leaving it on the floor. Straddling him again, he kisses you. He grabs your arm, mumbling under his breath while tugging on your arm. You raise your eyebrows, not understanding what he wants.

“What is it, Pretty boy?” You ask, making direct eye contact. He avoids eye contact, opting to instead look at your body. You take your hand and place it under his chin lifting his face. He looks at you, almost pouty, you can tell he doesn’t want to say it. Yet he musters up the courage anyway.

“C-can you sit on my face?” He asks, his voice is hushed, he looks embarrassed that he even asked. You have a shit-eating grin on your face right about now.

“…Lay down.”

“Thank you,” this man will be the death of you for fucks sake. You get up so he can lay on his back, once he does you straddle his chest and run your hands through his hair. Every angle is Spencer Reid’s angle, but looking at him like this… he’s so pretty. He runs his hands over your thighs, squeezing them impatiently. He’s begging you with his eyes at this point. You take a deep breath before moving up, positioning yourself over his face, you do not get to finish taking your sweet time as Spence uses his grip on your thighs to pull you down onto his face.

“Someone is very–oh shit, that’s really nice—impatient,” You observed, as he wasted absolutely no time fucking you with his tongue like an absolute madman. The moans coming from you are absolutely obscene and it’s giving Reid quite the ego boost, he’s trying not to smile. You have to stop yourself from practically riding the man’s face. He has barely even started and you already feel your orgasm about to hit you like a tsunami. Your legs are shaking, your breathing rapid, and your hands need something to grab onto so naturally you chose to put them in his hair.

“Th-That’s it, Princess, you’re r-really good at this,” You are tugging on his hair, taking deep breaths, feeling him dig his nails into your thighs and your ass. The closer you get the more you tug on his loose curls. “Shit, Spence, I-I need to—” In order to try and attempt to finish that sentence, one would need to be able to focus. That was practically impossible as Pretty boy had the audacity to look you in your eyes and dig his nails into your ass scratching all the way down. You feel like you just got the air knocked out of you as your orgasm hits. He keeps going, trying to hold your shaking legs as you cum. He keeps going and you eventually move off his face, straddling his chest, trying to recover. You hold both his hands, intertwining your fingers with his.

“I wanted to keep going,” His big ass puppy eyes meet yours as he pouts slightly.

“Don’t pout,” You lean down, resting one hand on his chest, the other reaches back and wraps around his cock. His eyes widen, a moan escapes him, as your thumb gently circles the tip.

“F-fuck me,” he cries out. You give him a soft smile.

“As you wish,” You line his cock up and sink down on it slowly. He groans, grabbing for your hands again to hold them while he takes deep breaths.

“Are you okay?” You ask him and he nods a little.

“I’m—I a-am—I am…wonderful” He can barely get out the words, whimpering in between syllables. His eyes squeeze shut as he takes deep breaths. He is squeezing your hands firmly. His hips fuck up into you and your breath hitches. “P-Please, fuck me.” He says, opening his tear-filled eyes. You do not feel the need to respond verbally, obliging him. You roll your hips before quickly lifting up and moving swiftly back down. He groans, moving his hands to your hips, gripping them. He thrusts up while you continue to set a steady pace. He moans, digging his fingernails into your hips. You moan on top of him, placing your hands firmly on his chest. You feel a little overstimulated, your hips stutter and your legs shake slightly. Tears start running down Spencer’s face, he cries out, soft whimpers leave him as he looks up at you. You move one of your hands, gently wiping the tears from his flushed cheeks before leaning down and kissing each cheek, picking up the pace despite your shaky legs and stuttering hips. Your fingers dig into his chest, scratching lightly and rolling your hips. Feeling a hand leave one of your hips you tilt your head in confusion as you feel Spencer’s hand grab your right wrist. He tugs at the wrist and you allow him to guide your hand to his neck. Your eyes widen and your eyebrows raise, nearly stopping the rolling of your hips against his cock. Experimentally, you wrap your hand around his neck, pressing against the sides of his neck to restrict his airflow, but making sure you do not choke him improperly. His cock twitches and his head falls back onto the couch cushion, his mouth opens, but no words come out and his hips stutter upwards, meeting your pace.

“Shit!” You curse as you cum, continuing to ride out your orgasm. Your hand squeezes his throat a little harder, causing Reid to grip at your wrist, digging his nails into your skin. He cums inside you, moaning and sighing out a light,’fuck’ as he relaxes on the couch, tears streaming down his face. You removed your hand from his throat resting it on his chest.

“Was it worth it, Pretty boy?” You asked, wiping his tears away. Spencer only nods, breathless.while tracing the scratch marks he left on your ass.

[brf-rumortrackinganon]

I still share plants opinion regarding IG. I think they’re phasing harry out, in part because he contributes very little compared to what they spend on him. And secondly the UK military no longer want him as the poster child post spare release. And the only reason why it hasn’t happened yet is because of Charles. But I personally don’t think that Charles influence will continue that much longer. IG wants to get rid of them, and if he doesn’t show up to the event in may it’s rather easy for the UK to not award the next games location. Would harry put up a stink?? Absolutely, but that’s when they’ll pivot on in on her and ARO.

I agree. I wouldn’t be surprised if Invictus Games has been trying to cut Harry lose since Megxit when they lost their Royal prestige. Because without Harry’s Royal status connecting them to the UK Ministry of Defense, what exactly is he needed for?

I think it was Plant who said this (but it could’ve been another blog) but Harry and Meghan have managed to make *every* *single* Invictus Games about them:

2017 Toronto IG: they debuted their relationship and it was all anyone talked about

2018 Sydney IG: they announced Meghan’s pregnancy and it was all anyone talked about. Not only, there’s pretty consistent gossip that the Sussexes only showed up for the ceremonies and barely attended the actual events/games.

2020 Dutch IG: postponed to 2021 because of Covid

2021 Dutch IG: postponed to 2022 because of the Olympics and no one wanting to risk their spots on national teams (though the official story is that it was postponed for Covid).

2022 Dutch IG: they turned it into Meghan’s Fashion Show (and stiffed IG with all the bills) and a BetterUp sponcon. But all anyone talked about was their pre-IG visit to Windsor to see The Queen for the first time since Megxit (a visit that Meghan had to leak directly because there were no photographs).

2023 Düsseldorf Games: another Meghan merchfest and BetterUp sponcon, but all anyone talked about was Harry’s papwalk visiting his grandmother’s grave on the anniversary of her passing and his comments about it.

It’s not good for any charity’s bottom line if their patron or sponsor is dominating the news to the point that their spotlight excludes the charity itself. There are definitely people at Invictus who understand this and who are probably fighting hard to let Harry go.

After all, Germany is able to do its own national Games independent of the charity and without Harry. Reading between the lines: Germany Invictus has some kind of corporate backing from the “main” charity to do this spin-off version. Especially if it was made clear that they didn’t want the Sussexes involved (as the press did when the announcement was made).

I know I said this before but I think it bears repeating: if Germany Invictus does really well without “main” IG and without Harry “promoting” it, I think they’ll go ahead and cut Harry loose altogether because it will have proven what’s been known since 2018 - that the Sussexes are a huge liability for the people they claim to support and advocate for.

[smps-poetry]

Girl, hi. ❤️

Well hello there, it’s me, SMP (SarahMariePardy)! I’m in my 30s, have social anxiety, I’m happily engaged, and I’m from Newfoundland, Canada. I consider myself quite the writer-girl. I’ve basically been creating poetry since before I could even write. I used to come up with rhymes and lyrics as early as five years old, and that’s what I’m going to be posting to this blog! Well, not stuff from when I was a five year old, but poetry and lyrics from the more recent years of my life, as well as some older stuff. Speaking of my old writings, some of you may remember me from one of the many blogs I’ve had over the years. Back around 2013-2018 I had a pretty popular poetry blog (say that ten times fast), named SarahMariePoetry, that gained over 50k followers and hosted weekly writing prompts, called #PardyPrompts. I deleted that blog in 2018 when I became a Twitch Affiliate so I could have more time to invest into streaming video game content on Twitch. I did that for a few years before eventually giving it up, despite still loving cute and cozy games. Since then, I’ve tried to come back to the tumblr writing community numerous times, but nothing has really stuck. I’ve been saying bye just as quickly as I’m saying hi, and I’m not really sure why that is…

I think a large part of why I kept bouncing in and out of tumblr was because I didn’t really have much to write about anymore. Life can be pretty freakin’ good sometimes, and still is very good for me, which doesn’t really inspire the tortured poet, y’know? But if I’m being really honest, it’s also because I feel like I’ve completely lost myself as I get older. Isn’t it supposed to be the opposite of that? Aren’t you supposed to find yourself in your 30s? Isn’t that what all the girlies post about on social media? Being the person they wanted to be at 13 now that they’re adults and can afford to do so? Well, that hasn’t happened for me. At least not yet. But hey, looks like I’ve found myself something to write about, huh? And thank god, because I’ve really missed writing. To be clear it wasn’t just tumblr I was bouncing in and out of. It’s been all social media, online communities I’ve been a part of for years, discord servers… I even deleted my entire Twitch and Twitter accounts. I just haven’t felt like I fit in anywhere - which is probably the social anxiety talking - and I’m not even sure I want to be on social media at all. I’m not sure I want to be part of such an overly stimulated, overly saturated, overly toxic environment. And when it comes to tumblr specifically, I’m not sure I have anything of value worth sharing. Even writing this right now seems futile. Like who even cares? Who cares what I have to say at all, and is it really all just as dumb as I’m going to feel it is tomorrow when I wake up and hover over the “delete my blog” button? Well, anyways, let’s hope not. Hopefully someone cares, and if YOU care, then welcome to my poetry blog! I just wanted to explain why I’ve been so elusive the past few years for anyone who remembers me, to explain why I’m struggling with being online, and to explain why I’m back. I’ve got stuff to write about now, and I feel compelled to share it and hope something resonates with someone out there that makes this whole online experience worthwhile for me. Plus, I have massive FOMO when I see other people creating poetry. Whenever Dua Lipa mentions her 97 song notebook, I’m like, “hey, I can do that too! I can write! I swear!” So I guess now I’m here to prove it. The writer-girl is back! Catch me or I go. - Houdini…erm… - SMP ❤️

[workersolidarity]

🌍 🏦💵 🚨

FIVE RICHEST BILLIONAIRES DOUBLE THEIR WEALTH SINCE 2020 WHILE 5 BILLION ARE MADE POORER

Oxfam International, a British-founded International Charitable organization based in Nairobi, Kenya, says the world's richest people have managed to double their wealth since 2020, as 5 billion people are made poorer as a result of a "decade of division."

Oxfam made the claims in a press release on its recently published report released Monday, January 15th on inequality and global corporate power called "Inequality Inc."

According to Oxfam, the world's richest people have more than doubled their wealth from $405 billion to $869 billion since 2020, a rate equivelent to $14 million per hour, while approximately 5 billion people have been made poorer in the same time period.

"If current trends continue," the statement says, "the world will have its first trillionaire within a decade but poverty won't be eradicated for another 229 years."

Oxfam looks to the Davos gathering of the world's largest corporations, pointing to the valuations of the top ten largest companies, together worth more than $10.2 trillion.

“We’re witnessing the beginnings of a decade of division, with billions of people shouldering the economic shockwaves of pandemic, inflation and war, while billionaires’ fortunes boom. This inequality is no accident; the billionaire class is ensuring corporations deliver more wealth to them at the expense of everyone else,” Oxfam's International interim Executive Director Amitabh Behar is quoted as saying.

“Runaway corporate and monopoly power is an inequality-generating machine: through squeezing workers, dodging tax, privatizing the state, and spurring climate breakdown, corporations are funneling endless wealth to their ultra-rich owners. But they’re also funneling power, undermining our democracies and our rights. No corporation or individual should have this much power over our economies and our lives —to be clear, nobody should have a billion dollars”.

According to Oxfam, Billionaires increased their wealth by $3.3 trillion since 2020, a growth rate three times faster than inflation.

Oxfam adds that, despite representing just 21% of the global population, the countries of the Global North own 69% of global wealth, with Global North countries home to 74% of global billionaire wealth.

Further, the top 1% own 43% of all global financial assets, with billionaires owning 48% of wealth in the Middle East, 50% in Asia, and 47% in Europe.

In addition to overall wealth, 148 of the world's largest corporations raked in $1.8 trillion in total net profits, a 52% increase over the period from 2018-2021.

Corporate windfalls increased to nearly $700 billion, with the report finding that for every $100 in profits made by the top 96 major corporations between July 2022 and June 2023, $82 was paid out to wealthy shareholders.

Oxfam International interim Executive Director Amitabh Behar says that “Monopolies harm innovation and crush workers and smaller businesses. The world hasn’t forgotten how pharma monopolies deprived millions of people of COVID-19 vaccines, creating a racist vaccine apartheid, while minting a new club of billionaires."

The Oxfam press release goes on to point our that people are working harder and for longer, often for poverty wages in unsafe jobs, adding that the wages of nearly 800 million people have not kept up with inflation, losing $1.5 trillion in value over the last two years, the equivalent of nearly a month's lost wages for each individual worker.

Oxfam also found that, of the 1'600 largest companies, less than 0.4% of them are publicly committed to paying employees a living wage.

Oxfam shows how a "war on taxation" by large corporations has pushed the effective tax rates on corporations to fall by a third in recent decades, while relentless privitization of public services like education and water services have expanded massively.

“We have the evidence. We know the history. Public power can rein in runaway corporate power and inequality —shaping the market to be fairer and free from billionaire control. Governments must intervene to break up monopolies, empower workers, tax these massive corporate profits and, crucially, invest in a new era of public goods and services,” said Behar.

“Every corporation has a responsibility to act but very few are. Governments must step up. There is action that lawmakers can learn from, from US anti-monopoly government enforcers suing Amazon in a landmark case, to the European Commission wanting Google to break up its online advertising business, and Africa’s historic fight to reshape international tax rules.”

Oxfam offers three notes on how governments can rectify the situation, including the following:

🔹 Revitalizing the state. A dynamic and effective state is the best bulwark against extreme corporate power. Governments should ensure universal provision of healthcare and education, and explore publicly-delivered goods and public options in sectors from energy to transportation.

🔹 Reining in corporate power, including by breaking up monopolies and democratizing patent rules. This also means legislating for living wages, capping CEO pay, and new taxes on the super-rich and corporations, including permanent wealth and excess profit taxes. Oxfam estimates that a wealth tax on the world’s millionaires and billionaires could generate $1.8 trillion a year.

🔹 Reinventing business. Competitive and profitable businesses don’t have to be shackled by shareholder greed. Democratically-owned businesses better equalize the proceeds of business. If just 10 percent of US businesses were employee-owned, this could double the wealth share of the poorest half of the US population, including doubling the average wealth of Black households.

#source

@WorkerSolidarityNews

[dailyniallnews]

Niall Horan | Live at Wembley Arena, London

Six long years after his last tour, Niall Horan returns with The Show: Live on Tour and what a spectacle it is.

When Niall Horan released his debut single “This Town” in 2016, fans and critics alike praised his nuanced storytelling and ability to capture his audience with just a strum of a guitar and a gentle croon. Almost a decade since that release, Horan’s artistry hasn’t faltered — he’s gone from strength to strength, crafting a body of work that is both nostalgic and timeless. Now, with his The Show: Live on Tour, named after his acclaimed 2023 album, he’s reminding all of us just how much he is a showman at heart.

Horan played to a completely packed Wembley Arena last week with many camping out hours to secure a spot on the floor. It’s the same feverish, infectious energy that first began over 14 years ago which, much to Horan’s dismay, hasn’t waned at all. Although it’s difficult to untether Horan from his days in One Direction, he spends moments of the show reflecting on the “14 years of memories” he created in and around the arena and London. The Show: Live on Tour began in Belfast a few weeks back. The first show, he ended it with the words, “This is going to be the best year yet.” Just a handful of days later, he is clearly still revelling in the feeling of being back on stage.

Like the ’70s greats before him, Horan is meant to be heard live. Horan thrives and excels when he’s performing and is a true artist’s artist — not just writing songs, but crafting entire worlds around them. “Nice To Meet Ya” might’ve been an obvious choice for an opening song, but with the context that Horan hasn’t toured since 2018 and wasn’t able to perform his incredible sophomore album, Heartbreak Weather, to audiences due to the pandemic. If the album The Show orbits around who Horan is today as a person, a musician, and a songwriter, the tour is, in a way, serving as a reintroduction to who he is as a performer.

The Show: Live on Tour production sees his six-piece band stand atop varying stages, a nod to the old-school variety show performances. Curtains fall and fold together with images projected — sometimes it’s a billboard that reads THE SHOW, other times it’s a moon soaring through the night sky. It’s the little nods to the world of The Show that make it a spectacle.

When a mirrorball drops — a sign that means Horan is about to play a song from his boyband days — fans erupt into screams. Quickly after, the chords of “Stockholm Syndrome” begin to play and new and old fans alike come together to sing. Horan lets us into his mind for a moment, affectionately saying, “I do this for a living,” which he was reflecting upon during the show.

Horan has a knack for making a 12,000+ arena feel as intimate as a 200-cap venue, using songs like “This Town,” “Flicker,” and the delicate ballad “You Could Start a Cult,” a clear fan favourite, to showcase that further. Every quiet, sombre moment is completely contrasted with a stadium-sized roar from fans responding to Horan’s every childlike smirk and high note. Bringing out Canadian singer/songwriter Shawn Mendes for a duet of his hit “Treat You Better,” and one of his first live performances in years, speaks to Horan’s love towards his fellow singer/songwriters.

Teetering between the hits — think “Slow Hands,” “Meltdown” and “Heartbreak Weather” — and the fan faves like “Everywhere,” “Save My Life” and “Mirrors,” Horan keeps the energy high throughout the entire show — a feat for solo acts. Although the setlist was constructed to have a bit of everything, when scrolling Twitter after the gig I read a tweet which talks about how he made the setlist for die-hard fans. It’s true — it’s a collection of songs that demonstrate his growth and grit as an artist, but also were clearly selected with his fans at the forefront of his mind.

As the show comes to a close, Horan’s penultimate song is “Save My Life.” Horan knows the true meaning it holds, but for fans, it speaks to the beauty of a fan and artist relationship and how the latter’s music shapes the former’s lives. Throughout the show, seeing fans holding up fan projects and crying to various songs is a moving thing for Horan to witness. 14 years on and he’s still in awe of the magic he’s been able to make through his work.

For fans who have yet to see Horan live on this tour, he describes it best in The Show‘s title track: Hold tight, get ready for the ride.

Words Kelsey Barnes

[gerardpilled]

literally stop being an mcr fan then! why can you forgive gerard but not lynz? everyone will pretend they support the idea of allowing someone to learn and grow and change but then they'll see a woman and go oh no not her she's irredeemable like? the double standards are ridiculous

It’s so crazy… I’ve seen countless people say that she needs to explicitly apologize for her actions and yeah I guess that would be nice. I just think it's a more complicated and nuanced situation than it might seem. Her apologizing for being in msi and participating in complicit racism would implement a lot of people and make them guilty by association. It would imply everyone including the sound guys who worked shows would then be connected to "having worked for a racist band" and could seriously complicate relationships - both working and not.

Also, I sometimes really don't understand why this is a discussion worthy of so much time other than reflecting on the atmosphere that allowed such a band to rise within the scene? (I think there's a real meaningful conversation to be had about the excusing of racism from a lot of people within the alt music scene even today.)The band hasn’t toured since 2014? Acts like Marilyn Manson - who among all his other crimes also used racial slurs as shock value - is actively touring. And for the double standards - Frank fucking toured with msi in 2013 like why not cancel him for that LOL!!! Or god forbid, Gerard for working with Jimmy Urine in 2018.

Even forgiving Gerard for saying he’s Japanese while dogpiling Lindsey for saying she’s partially Indian when she doesn’t even know her birth dad is wild to me. The tweets are very similar to each other - and neither of them have apologized? I've seen people start excusing Gerard's tweet, extrapolating info like "he must have taken a DNA test" well, there's no proof of that, and why not extend that benefit of the doubt to Lindsey? Like yes, she shouldn’t have said it but Gerard shouldn’t have either! I also just can't help but think there are more important issues oh my god!!! I've seen people - both Indian and East Asian alike - express discomfort with both Lindsey's and Gerard's actions, and I completely understand that! I just only ever see Lindsey's held to such irredeemable levels, and that's usually by white people who I personally feel are overstepping their role. I just can't help but think some white people do not have meaningful, real life, conversations with the demographics they are supposedly advocating for.

I am definitely not the person to absolve her of her sins or excuse anything she’s done and people she’s hurt, but do people (and I mean primarily other white people who - from my experience - are mainly the ones posting hate about her) realize she has probably been the most clear and explicit about her anti-racist learning curve? Out of anyone even remotely connected to mcr, she has posted and done more direct funding and outreach for Black organizations than anyone. Yes, that’s Twitter activism and doesn’t exactly amount to much in the grand scheme of things, but if people who hate her judge her off of her internet footprint, why not use the same to realize maybe she has learned?

I recently tried to see if she had acknowledged any of her faults publicly- and to my shock - she has!

I’m not saying this is the best response to every thing but I also never saw this mentioned ever before.

I truly think some of the worst stuff she’s done is publicly support Jimmy Urine after the allegations came out but again everyone who just spreads that as a fact completely misses the context of her ex friend spreading unhinged rumors about her for like a year before those allegations came out. Jessicka Adams accused Gerard of sexual misconduct and started claiming that Lindsey was in cahoots with a man who accused Jessicka of sleeping with him when he was underage. Truly unhinged stuff.

If I was Lindsey and my ex-friend was doing that, purposefully targeting people close to me, I also might immediately assume she was behind those against the lead singer of my old band! She should NOT have voiced her suspicions publicly, and I do think that was wrong, but it’s not like she doubled down on it since? I know a lot of people would like to think they would act differently if they were in her shoes, but really think about it! If allegations that arose online came out against a man you called a friend - who you let watch your daughter - would you immediately publicly turn against him? She should have apologized when it became clear the allegations were not unfounded, but even when the news first broke she was liking tweets which better explained her mindset. Also last I heard, they are no longer friends at all.

Again with the double standards though. I've seen no noise around Mikey’s wife publicly defending wife abuser Johnny Depp (a person she does not even know) when he won his trial? Or the fact that Gerard was also very good friend with Jimmy and most likely shares a similar opinion as his wife?

I've also seen people say things like "well she should have known because of all the signs" I think this a dangerous oversimplification. What about the band No Devotion? Everyone loves them here. They formed after their old lead singer was exposed as rapist with multiple situations of him sleeping with young girls on tour. Why didn't those guys know about it?

I also just feel like using this case a justification to hate her alongside stuff like "she made a mikey hate blog!!" (she didn't) just feels so wrong to me. It’s like people are happy this happened to a woman because it gives justification to hate Lindsey. I see no attempts to support this Jane Doe with tweets of support or some kind of fundraiser. It's always just rooted in hatred of another woman.

[raccoonhearteyes]

Part I  | Part II  | Part III | Part IV  | Part V | Part VI | Part VII | Part VIII

October 14th, 2018. 

I love you, Clarke.

Clarke hits play on the voicemail again. I love you, Clarke. I love you, Clarke. I love you, Clarke.

Clarke tried calling the number back. She got a dial tone and an automated message that said “The number you are trying to reach is not accepting calls.” She tried to trace it but it only led to a payphone a few blocks from her apartment. 

If it hadn’t said her name, she could pretend it was a wrong number. If it hadn’t spoken about her art, and her heart as if she’d known them, she could imagine it was a prank. But the details of that voicemail, the tenderness in the caller's voice, Clarke has to believe it’s real. But who? Clarke hasn’t dated anyone. She knows her friends’ and her exes’ voices well enough to know it’s none of theirs. 

She listens again. I love you, Clarke. The voice seems familiar, but she can’t place it. It’s been two weeks since she woke up to this voicemail and she’s no closer to finding the girl. She thought she heard the voice in her coffee shop last week, but lost it again once she turned to find her.

It’s a cold and rainy Sunday. Clarke wants everything the voicemail promises. She wants french toast and couch snuggles. She wants to be loved the way the girl in the voicemail loves her. Why doesn't she know this girl? Why does she only remember a cheating heartbreak and a first date who belittled her work? 

She’s sad and confused and just wants to snuggle up and avoid everyone, but she’s in desperate need of groceries, so she forces herself to get up and get dressed. Her mood sours even more when she can’t find her favorite sweatshirt. It’s a purple hoodie she got her freshman year. Emerson emblazoned on the front. It’s comfy and warm and a little old with a hole worn in the wrist, but Clarke loves that sweater. She keeps it in the back of her closet for days just like this, but today it’s not there.  

---------------

Clarke shoves her way onto a crowded subway car, arms full of grocery bags. There’s nowhere to sit, her umbrella is inside out and three blocks away, and this day cannot possibly get any worse. She unceremoniously drops her bags between her feet and reaches up to grab the rail above her when some purple catches her eye. 

The girl seated on the chair in front of her is beautiful. She has chestnut brown hair tied neatly in a braid, and she’s focused on a book in her hands. 

“You’re wearing my sweater.” 

The girl looks startled, peers up from her book, and Clarke catches the barest hint of a smile before she says “Excuse me?” 

Clarke hears the voice and there’s something familiar about it. The earth shifts beneath her feet, everything a bit off kilter after she hears this girl speak, but she ignores the feeling and blames it on the bumpy subway ride. 

“I have the same sweater. It’s my favorite, but I couldn’t find it in my closet this morning.”

“So you think I stole it?” the girl asks, clearly amused. 

“I must sound insane.”

“A little bit.” 

“You didn’t steal my sweater. Obviously. Probably… Besides, mine had a hole in the left wrist,” Clarke glances down to see a thumb poking through a hole in the wrist, “and a green paint stain in the hood,” her eyes trail up the arm of the sweater in search of the stain, which she finds. Clarke stops talking, suddenly confused. Is that her sweater? How does this girl have it? Did she accidentally donate it when she cleared out her closet over the summer? 

The girl gives her a curious smile, then turns back to her book. Clarke watches her just as curiously as the subway bumps along to her stop. Her eyes are so green. The slope of her neck is elegant. Long fingers flipping through pages. Clarke has a sudden urge to draw her. 

The train screeches to a halt at her stop and Clarke bends over to grab her groceries. The paper bag soaked through from the rain and one of them rips a huge hole in the bottom as she lifts it. Her groceries slide to the floor and start rolling  underneath chairs and feet. 

She might be about to cry. Nothing about today is going the way she wanted it to. She’s wet, sad, and so done. But her sweater thief is on her hands and knees before Clarke has time to lose it in this subway car. All of Clarke's animosity for her stolen sweater melts into gratitude as she watches this stranger methodically gather items and look at her with soft eyes. She fills her backpack with Clarke’s spilled groceries. “Crisis averted,” she says and gestures for her to lead them out of the station. 

“Thank you. I think I might have had a meltdown in there if you hadn’t knight-in-shining-armored me.”

“No problem.”

“I can try and fit those all in this bag instead.” 

“It’s okay, I’ve got them. I’ll walk you home?” She says it as a question, giving Clarke the chance to turn her down. But for some reason Clarke trusts this stranger. Normally she’s quick to pepper spray any weirdo on the train that breathes too close to her, but this girl feels familiar for some reason Clarke can’t quite put her finger on. Maybe it’s the sweater. 

“I’m only a block away.” 

“It’s the least I can do for stealing your sweater,” the girl smirks, a mischievous glint in her eye. She looks so smug and pleased with herself for her joke that Clarke just wants to wipe it off her face. She almost does with a kiss before she catches herself and wonders what came over her. Who does that? Why did that urge feel like muscle memory? 

Clarke narrows her eyes instead. “Just let me be the crazy lady on the subway, okay? It’s been a rough day.” 

The two emerge from the subway station to be met with a torrential downpour. While Clarke only lives a block away, they are absolutely drenched by the time they make it to her doorstep. The girl starts to unload her backpack when Clarke stops her, “Come in. I’ll make you some tea and give you some time to dry off and wait out the storm. It’s the least I can do for the girl who saved me from ending up a viral sensation as ‘lady has a meltdown on the subway’”

They shuffle into the entrance of Clarke’s apartment, toeing of boots, shucking off soaked layers. Clarke offers a towel to the shivering girl in her doorway, who happily accepts it. She then moves off to the kitchen to start the kettle. 

She pulls a wide white mug with a sheep hidden in the inside and a tall blue one with a whale painted on the side from her mug collection. “Spring or fall?” She asks, even though neither mug has anything to do with either of them. 

The girl says, “Fall,” and Clake pours hot water over the teabag in the sheep mug and pushes it towards her. She keeps the whale mug for herself and oh they’re standing much closer than Clarke realized. Close enough that she can see the vibrant green of her hero’s eyes. 

“Your eyes are like a forest,” and suddenly she’s hit with a wave of familiarity. Has she said that already?

The girl looks down, wraps her hands around her mug and takes a long sip, then lets out a contented sigh.

Clarke flashes a brilliant grin, “Good, right? The secret is--”

“Cinnamon,” the girl finishes, immediately flushing a pretty pink.

“Yeah, actually… have you had it before?”

She shakes her head. “Just recognized the flavor.” But for some reason Clarke doesn’t find it all that believable. She takes another moment to watch her stranger. Has she--?  

“Sorry, I realized I never asked your name.”

“Anna.” 

Clarke nods, leaning over the counter and slouching into her tea as if it could regenerate her. 

“You look like a wilted flower,” Anna teases. 

“Water me and watch me bloom,” Clarke responds with a wink. 

“I think the rain already took care of that one for me. Not how I usually like to get girls wet, but…” her voice starts to fade, and a deep laugh erupts from Clarke’s chest. Maybe this day isn’t so bad after all. 

----------

Clarke peers out the window after they’ve finished their tea. “It doesn’t look like it’s going to stop raining any time soon. Do you want some dry clothes or a blanket?” 

“Sure,” and she pads after Clarke into the bedroom to find a dry sweater. She starts to pull off Clarke’s favorite sweater, but the wet fabric is all stuck to each other and her shirt comes up with it. Clarke doesn’t think to stop herself from watching new skin become available, the jut of a hipbone… It’s only when the girl flails a bit and requests a bit of help as her arms are stuck over her head and the fabric is too damp and adhered to her that she can’t escape that Clarke steps closer to ease the shirt over her head. 

It feels intimate and familiar. She smells like pine and rain, and Clarke is drawn even closer. She’s been freed, and there’s no reason for Clarke to still be standing this close to her, but neither say anything. Clarke just quietly stares, eyes flitting between lips and forest green.

Clarke thinks she might kiss her. There’s a moment where she thinks she leans in, but is cut off by Clarke blurting out, “Can I paint you?” 

The girl nods, and moves to put on the dry shirt, but Clarke stops her, “Actually, I have an idea.” 

Clarke brings them back out to the living room and lays out a large drop cloth, pulls out a few body-safe paints, and instructs her to lie down on her stomach and Clarke sees the moment it clicks for her. “Oh, you want to paint on me.”

“Is that okay?” 

She nods, and there’s an intensity to Anna’s eyes that exists whenever their eyes meet, and Clarke isn’t sure how someone could hold so much and not burst.

She lays down on the drop cloth, pillowing her head on her arms, and Clarke starts by sitting next to her, but the angle isn’t quite right. She insists that Clarke just sit on her thighs, but Clarke hesitates. “I don’t want to squish you.”

“I’ll be fine, I promise.” 

Clarke settles on her thighs, straddling her, immediately grateful that her model can’t see her face with how flushed she is. She’s a professional artist. Most of her models are nude. Why is this affecting her so much? She’s still wearing pants, and a bra!  

The bra will actually be a problem for the paint so Clarke slides her fingers under the clasp, “Can I…?” She’s not sure why her thoughts aren’t coming out fully formed, but the gesture was enough for her model to get the gist, and she agrees. Clarke unhooks the back and slides the straps off strong shoulders. The rush of heat to her face and her core-- Clarke is sure she must feel like a small space heater on the girl’s thighs. She traces her fingers over her new canvas, watching ribs expand with each deep breath, seemingly trying to slow her heart rate. Maybe that’s just Clarke's wishful thinking. 

“What are you going to paint?”

“The universe.”

Clarke tries to keep her hand steady as she brings the brush to the model’s back. With the first stroke of the brush, she inhales sharply and shivers. “No wiggling,” Clarke gently scolds. 

“It’s cold.”

“I’m sorry. I’ll try to paint quickly.” 

It’s some kind of exquisite torture, painting Anna’s back. She goes as fast as she can to minimize her discomfort. It’s different, painting on a living canvas. It’s gentler, even more intimate. The longer Clarke paints, the more she’s sure that the heat between her legs is burning a hole through her model’s jeans.  Her model squirms and makes noises and Clarke’s grip on her hip increases the whole time, unclear which of them she’s trying to anchor. She tries not to focus on it, instead holding her breath to keep herself steady with every brush stroke, but it’s nearly impossible with all of the wiggling.

Clarke strokes her finger over the rough shape of planets and galaxies she has planned in her head, and sees goosebumps erupt beneath her fingertips, “Are you still cold?”

“No,” her voice is rough and sultry.  

Clarke flushes red again, and tries to pick up the pace to end this maddening exercise in restraint. 

When she’s finished, her back is a sparkling array of stars. Within an atmosphere of black space there are swirls of undulating patterns of deepest blue-gray. There are hints of planets and an ever-expanding view. It’s carefully executed with delicate strokes of smooth brushwork, the galaxies shift in color as they overlie one another: mint green becomes forest green as a light circle of purple drifts over it also turning bubble-gum pink into a pale, dusty tone; cherry red fades into lemon yellow; lilac purple fades to lapis-lazuli blue. It’s vibrant, and seeing it move and shift as her model stretches sore muscles and readjusts her position makes it even more compelling. 

Clarke lets out a soft whisper, “wow” 

“Take a picture so I can see,” her model requests. 

Clarke tries to capture the beauty of this piece through the lens of the camera. She plays with the light and the angles, ensuring to get the model’s entire back, but only the hint of the face. A sharp jawline, the tip of a chin, an intricate braid, a profile at most. When she takes some that would have the whole face, it ends up blurred-- Anna must have turned-- but the effect is intriguing, adds to the mystery of the art and she decides they don’t need to retake them.

“Come see,” Clarke requests, switching the camera into view mode. The screen is small so they crowd close together to look at the pictures. 

“These are great,” she says earnestly. Clarke looks up to meet forest green eyes, sparkling with pride. 

The first kiss can barely be called a kiss. Two smiles bumping into each other. “I’m sorry, you just looked so pretty,” But the second one is initiated by her model and it ignites something in Clarke. Cupping a sharp jawline, Clarke makes sure to kiss her properly this time. As far as first kisses go, this has to be the best. Their lips fit perfectly together and they find a coordinated rhythm as if they’ve done this a thousand times before. Clarke wraps one arm around a thin waist, immediately smudging the paint along her back, but she can’t bring herself to care. This feels right. 

And for whatever reason, that grounded feeling she finds in this kiss makes her think of that voicemail. I love you Clarke. And her chest aches. God she wants that so badly. But fucking the girl you just met probably isn’t the way to get that, so Clarke forces herself to stop kissing. Anna chases lips that aren’t there, then opens her eyes in confusion, “Did I do something wrong?” 

“No. No. You’re perfect. Wonderful, really. I just want to do this right.”

She’s smiling a big wide grin, but her eyes are welling up with tears, so Clarke tries to quell them. “I’ve been kind of rushing into the physical stuff too much and I want something real. I think this could be good.”

“You think we’d work?”

“Yeah, I really do. So, I need you to go shower, get this paint off, and then have dinner with me.” 

“Yes, ma’am.” She grabs the dry shirt and sweater Clarke had offered hours ago, but never let her put on, and heads to the bathroom. 

--------------

Clarke sits on the couch mindlessly scrolling on her phone, when she hears her front door creak open and then gently shut. She grabs the nearest heavy object, a vase she sculpted in college, and sneaks towards the kitchen, “Who’s there?”

No answer. She raises the vase, armed and ready for whoever is trying to break in. But there’s no one there. She flips the deadbolt just to be safe. Weird. I must be hearing things, she thinks.

Clarke makes her way back to the couch and sees her purple Emerson sweater balled up on the floor, “Aha! I knew I didn’t lose you!” she says to no one in her apartment. She shrugs the sweater on, wondering why she couldn’t find it this morning when it was right there and is bright purple. She snuggles into it and resettles on the couch. It smells vaguely of pine. 

[reasoningdaily]

Cheddar Man is a human male fossil found in Gough’s Cave in Cheddar Gorge, Somerset, England. The skeletal remains date to the Mesolithic (ca. 9100 BP) and it appears that he died a violent death. A large crater-like lesion just above the skull’s right orbit suggests that the man may have also been suffering from a bone infection.

Excavated in 1903 in Gough’s Cave in Somerset, Cheddar Man is Britain’s oldest complete human skeleton. The remains are kept by the Natural History Museum in London in the new Human Evolution gallery.[1]

Intense speculation has built up around Cheddar Man’s origins and appearance because he lived shortly after the first settlers crossed from continental Europe to Britain at the end of the last ice age.

It was initially assumed that Cheddar Man had pale skin and fair hair, but his DNA paints a different picture, strongly suggesting he had blue eyes, a very dark brown to black complexion and dark curly hair.

The discovery shows that the genes for lighter skin became widespread in European populations far later than originally thought – and that skin colour was not always a proxy for geographic origin in the way it is often seen to be

Analysis of his nuclear DNA indicates that he was a typical member of the western European population at the time, probably with lactose intolerance, dark skin, blue eyes, and dark curly or wavy hair.[2]

Nuclear DNA sequence data

Nuclear DNA was extracted from the petrous part of the temporal bone by a team from the Natural History Museum in 2018.[3] The genetic markers suggested (based on their associations in modern populations whose phenotypes are known) that he probably had blue eyes, lactose intolerance, dark curly or wavy hair, and, less certainly,[3][4] dark to very dark skin.[2][5] These features are typical of the European population of the time, now known as West European Hunter-Gatherers. This population forms about 10%, on average, of the ancestry of Britons without a recent family history of immigration.[2]

The mitochondrial DNA of Cheddar Man was of haplogroup U5b1.[2] Some 65% of western European Mesolithic hunter-gatherers had haplogroup U5; today it is widely distributed, at lower frequencies, across western Eurasia and northern Africa. In 1996, Bryan Sykes of the University of Oxford first sequenced the mitochondrial DNA from one of Cheddar Man’s molars.[7][8][9]

There was no genetic link with the other skeletons from Gough’s Cave, which are 5,000 years older than Cheddar Man. For much of this intervening period, the last glaciation of Europe had made the area unsuitable for human life.

Genetic change in Britain since the Mesolithic:

Britain was periodically settled and then cleared during ice ages until the end of the last glacial period about 11,700 years ago, since when it has been continuously inhabited.

Until now, though, it hasn’t been clear whether each wave of migrants was seeded from the same population in mainland Europe; the latest results suggest this was not the case.

The team homed in on genes known to be linked to skin colour, hair colour and texture, and eye colour. For skin tone, there are a handful of genetic variants linked to reduced pigmentation, including some that are very widespread in European populations today. However, Cheddar Man had “ancestral” versions of all these genes, strongly suggesting he would have had “dark to black” skin tone, but combined with blue eyes.

[theshowliveontour]

When Niall Horan released his debut single “This Town” in 2016, fans and critics alike praised his nuanced storytelling and ability to capture his audience with just a strum of a guitar and a gentle croon. Almost a decade since that release, Horan’s artistry hasn’t faltered — he’s gone from strength to strength, crafting a body of work that is both nostalgic and timeless. Now, with his The Show: Live on Tour, named after his acclaimed 2023 album, he’s reminding all of us just how much he is a showman at heart.

Horan played to a completely packed Wembley Arena last week with many camping out hours to secure a spot on the floor. It’s the same feverish, infectious energy that first began over 14 years ago which, much to Horan’s dismay, hasn’t waned at all. Although it’s difficult to untether Horan from his days in One Direction, he spends moments of the show reflecting on the “14 years of memories” he created in and around the arena and London. The Show: Live on Tour began in Belfast a few weeks back. The first show, he ended it with the words, “This is going to be the best year yet.” Just a handful of days later, he is clearly still revelling in the feeling of being back on stage.

Like the ’70s greats before him, Horan is meant to be heard live. Horan thrives and excels when he’s performing and is a true artist’s artist — not just writing songs, but crafting entire worlds around them. “Nice To Meet Ya” might’ve been an obvious choice for an opening song, but with the context that Horan hasn’t toured since 2018 and wasn’t able to perform his incredible sophomore album, Heartbreak Weather, to audiences due to the pandemic. If the album The Show orbits around who Horan is today as a person, a musician, and a songwriter, the tour is, in a way, serving as a reintroduction to who he is as a performer.

The Show: Live on Tour production sees his six-piece band stand atop varying stages, a nod to the old-school variety show performances. Curtains fall and fold together with images projected — sometimes it’s a billboard that reads THE SHOW, other times it’s a moon soaring through the night sky. It’s the little nods to the world of The Show that make it a spectacle.

When a mirrorball drops — a sign that means Horan is about to play a song from his boyband days — fans erupt into screams. Quickly after, the chords of “Stockholm Syndrome” begin to play and new and old fans alike come together to sing. Horan lets us into his mind for a moment, affectionately saying, “I do this for a living,” which he was reflecting upon during the show.

Horan has a knack for making a 12,000+ arena feel as intimate as a 200-cap venue, using songs like “This Town,” “Flicker,” and the delicate ballad “You Could Start a Cult,” a clear fan favourite, to showcase that further. Every quiet, sombre moment is completely contrasted with a stadium-sized roar from fans responding to Horan’s every childlike smirk and high note. Bringing out Canadian singer/songwriter Shawn Mendes for a duet of his hit “Treat You Better,” and one of his first live performances in years, speaks to Horan’s love towards his fellow singer/songwriters.

Teetering between the hits — think “Slow Hands,” “Meltdown” and “Heartbreak Weather” — and the fan faves like “Everywhere,” “Save My Life” and “Mirrors,” Horan keeps the energy high throughout the entire show — a feat for solo acts. Although the setlist was constructed to have a bit of everything, when scrolling Twitter after the gig I read a tweet which talks about how he made the setlist for die-hard fans. It’s true — it’s a collection of songs that demonstrate his growth and grit as an artist, but also were clearly selected with his fans at the forefront of his mind.

As the show comes to a close, Horan’s penultimate song is “Save My Life.” Horan knows the true meaning it holds, but for fans, it speaks to the beauty of a fan and artist relationship and how the latter’s music shapes the former’s lives. Throughout the show, seeing fans holding up fan projects and crying to various songs is a moving thing for Horan to witness. 14 years on and he’s still in awe of the magic he’s been able to make through his work.

For fans who have yet to see Horan live on this tour, he describes it best in The Show‘s title track: Hold tight, get ready for the ride.

[merp-blerp]

My updated opinions on Gaylor, from a lesbian Swiftie

Disclaimer: I will be linking to some Gaylor posts where I get my info; please do not attack anyone who made these post if you don’t agree with them. Just scroll away or click out of the post. And do the same with mine if you don’t agree with me. I don’t condone harassment of any kind to anyone who hasn’t done anything wrong.

So in this older reblog of mine, among others, I spoke out on my opinions on “Gaylor”, a sub-fanbase in the swiftie fandom based on the belief that Taylor Swift is a part of the LGBTQ+ community secretly, or half-secretly. However, my thoughts have evolved and I want to make my personal opinions clear. My feelings are always evolving and that’s okay. They may continue to change. This has been stuck in my drafts for months. I’ve always wanted to make this post since I began posting about Taylor so often around the pandemic, but for a while the time never felt quite right and more importantly my thoughts weren’t clear. Several events had made me want to make this post and I think I’m ready to finish and post this.

I’ve been a Taylor Swift fan since 2010, but I only began to consider myself a swiftie around 2018 because that’s when I started really looking into Taylor as a person. To me a swiftie is someone who not only occasionally listens to Tay’s most popular songs, but someone who is actively in the fandom and possibly knows some basic information on Taylor. At the very least, a swiftie knows more than what’s on the radio (doesn’t mean that you’re not a “real fan” if you’re not a swiftie by my definition of one). When I started to enter the fandom, trying to learn info on Tay, the first pieces of it I saw were the Kaylors, because I’m gay and my internet algorithm knew that all too well. I actually thought it was true at the time, in the sense that I didn’t know it was a theory and thought that it was just some info I didn’t know. I remember being confused on why I had never heard about Taylor’s girlfriend Karlie Kloss before. Once I leaned it was just a theory I somewhat distanced myself from that side of the fandom because I didn’t want to get too wrapped up in a conspiracy theory. I was literally in a class that was all about not doing that at the time.

I continued my journey to do my research and felt confident enough to call myself a swiftie by 2020. I started seeing what I now know were just fragments of how some typical swifties view Gaylors. Some seemed distant and unassociating (not really homophonic, though), so I felt subconsciously reassured to continue my semi distant nature towards them. When Kit Conner’s unfortunate outing happened I felt even more validated. I didn’t want to think Gaylors were bad, but I didn’t know what to really think of them and continued to stay distant. I’ve always respected respectful Gaylors. Eventually Jaylor/Toe broke up. I made a post about how this breakup affected me at the time. I am admittedly a very hopeless romantic. The general narrative of Jaylor/Toe was something I really connected to when it came to my wants for my own love life. So it effected me pretty greatly. But it did help open me to looking more into Gaylors. Maybe I was trying to get my hopeless romantic fix somewhere. But really I think I just felt free to do so while Taylor was publicly single; like I wasn’t “disrespecting” any relationship by doing so. I had already thought about looking into the Gaylors before, to the point where my paranoid anxiety disorder very very briefly wondered if I jinked Jaylor, so my Gaylor research wasn’t necessarily connected to the breakup. It just kicked it into full gear.

So, the idea of Kaylor to me. Pretty cute! It’d be a great story. And I think some theories are cool. There are some that don’t make sense to me, but there are some that are super interesting. I saw one that theorized that Taylor burning down the lover house was representative of her burning down this albums 1-10 era we’re closing in on so that the next era can begin with her entering a new phase in her career. Presumably in this theory, a phase where she’s out and gets to write songs about the people she wants to. I’ve seen the coincidences/Koincidences. All that sounds possible. I also get that Jaylor/Toe had inconsistencies in it’s assumed narrative, likely ‘cause you never know the full story of anything when it comes to celebs. I’ve heard the audio of Jack seemingly slipping up during that one interview. Yes, “Wonderland” could totally be about Dianna Agron. Yes, I want to take my future girlfriend to Big Sur now—what’s it to ya—it looks so cozy and sweet. Karlie and Taylor’s pasts are arguably more “parallel lines” than Taylor and Joe’s. I see the queer-coding and get that speculating Tay’s sexuality is arguably not invasive because that’s how queer people find each other in real life. We look for codes in other people. Hints they might give that they are queer. That’s a historical thing we do. She might queer-code a lot. I also see the evidence that Karlie didn’t betray Taylor (had no clue all this time the main source of evidence was Perez Hilton—the fuck? That’s not a good source). I also know that a lot of Taylor’s friends have referenced Gaylor lore very loudly, insinuating that Taylor doesn’t mind the theories. I’ve seen a lot. There is so much, and honestly, it’s fun to imagine all of this being right. I think it’s a possibility.

After all this research and contemplating, the only things I don’t care for in the fandom is the seemingly making fun of Taylor’s ex’s or beards that didn't do anything wrong to her. I don’t get what’s gained by calling Joe Alwyn rude names or censoring his name like it’s a curse word. I get and agree that bearding still happens and it’s super wrong, and you can hate what Joe might’ve represented in Taylor’s life if she’s gay and being closeted by managers or something similar to that. But why hate him or tease him personally? Especially since I’ve also seen some, typically half-hearted theories that Joe is also queer. Wouldn’t it be hypocritical to adore a closeted artist you admire, but personally hate her also queer closeted beard because… he gets in the way of a ship or narrative? Or because, by no fault of his own, Hollywood has a broken system that forces fake dating? Hate the industry, not him. Yes, he’s pretty aloof, to the point where when you tease him it feels like teasing a blank slate, but he is a human being with feelings. Maybe it’s the sensitive bullied kid in me, but it doesn’t seem light-hearted or no big deal to me. I’m not mad yet, just confused. Am I missing something or is sarcasm going over my head? Genuinely asking. This is really just a swiftie problem I think, as it happens in the general fandom too for similar reasons. I know this isn’t everyone in the fandom though.

I also don’t agree with the more… intense theories, such as Karlie’s son Levi (and her currently upcoming baby) isn’t real or not actually her’s. Or that she isn’t really Jewish and it’s all just a part of the bearding. That feels odd. Just… I feel uncomfortable touching that. Gaylors who believe these things seem to be in the minority though. I don't think being queer has much to do with being Jewish. Maybe she just wanted to convert and Josh also happened to be Jewish as well. And maybe Taylor could be like Levi’s stepmom-type figure and Josh is more like a sperm donor or something—I dunno…

If Taylor outright said that she was straight personally I wouldn’t label her as a queer-baiter because it’s not baiting to exist as you are. I think straight and/or cis people should feel comfortable with expressing things like gender-nonconformity or doing things like enjoying rainbows, and the fact that most don’t is rooted in that homophobia thing we’ve been trying to fight against since the 60s. And in my opinion real people can’t queerbait. But I get that this topic is a very nuanced one that can touch a nerve and you’re allowed to disagree with me.

I should also mention that all these opinions are exclusive to Gaylor. I’m not deep enough in other fandoms like the One Direction/Larry Stylinson or Fifth Harmony/Camren fandoms to really say anything on them specifically.

So am I a Gaylor now? I don’t know. Legitimately, do I get to call myself that? I do love, and always have loved, queer interpretations of Taylor’s music and other forms of media. I’m also confident in saying that I’m open to both Gaylor narratives and general narratives about Taylor being true. I can’t take either side as fully the truth while the other’s a lie, not because I’m shunning one of them, but because that just not how I work as a person. Nothing ever feels definitive to me unless it’s a fact in my face. I’m very factual. Not shunning Gaylors, this is just how I work. Would that count as a Gaylor? I truly don’t know.

So, Gaylors, I hope I was respectful enough to your community. If I said anything off, or anything that misrepresented your community, please kindly let me know and educate me. I’m still learning. I’m very sorry some of the swifties in this fandom are homophonic trash. I had no clue it was that bad till I saw what some people left behind in your post. Uncalled for. Taylor, queer or not, would not approve. Shade never made anybody less gay. If you’re a bigot what are you even doing in this fandom? Gaylors, just know you guys are safe with me.

Except me to now have a mix of general swiftie post and Gaylor post reblogged here (if I didn’t do that already—I might’ve without fully realizing). Thanks for reading and being respectful and kind!

🩷❤️🧡💛💚🩵💙💜

[griancraft]

Turns out there was controversy last year about callmekevin playing hogwarts legacy that I had zero clue about. I’m so sorry if me posting about him has affected anyone. I think it has, since I’ve lost a fair few followers in the last few hours. That’s not the focus of this post but I see you and I’m very sorry.

If the consensus is that people don’t want to see anything relating to him lmk and I will clear my queue and do my best to delete posts.

I’ve read his apology and it didn’t seem to be very well done honestly, I don’t think it was insincere but it was terribly written ngl. it could be just his cadence of typing and being chronically offline though.

It seems sincere, like he’s a very very offline person and he admits he didn’t hear any of it before that point. But. His apology didn’t even mention trans people or antisemitism by name and it was on his Reddit that is now closed due to the stuff from last year with communities shutting down. he seems to think there are no bigots in his community and says they were outside people causing a stir. He also mentions that the boycotts and controversy weren’t reported on where he lives (aside from online, which again he isn’t very online) and that makes sense to me because, yeah it wasn’t reported on much here either.

However it’s also his responsibility to do research before he takes a sponsor. I know he played his old Harry Potter games for his channel at one point, so maybe he just assumed that it would be okay since those were okay? I don’t like that the videos are still up, but I don’t know if deleting them would do anything at this point. I’m not processing the full apology as much as I could rn bc I have a really bad headache so please forgive me if I missed things

I don’t know what to think though bc he hasn’t posted those videos since and he’s also been trans positive for years. He’s been trans positive for a long time, I think openly at least 2018 and he’s donated to a few charities. He’s also had several casually trans/GNC characters that are treated the same as everyone else in the series. He also turned off comments on the video because of how crazy transphobic everyone was being. I wish he’d deleted the video but. It’s better than nothing and it’s probably because of contracts due to it being sponsored. Since then he’s also made jokes about her being an awful person.

I can understand why people would stop watching him but I’m conflicted and idk what to think. I acknowledge that trans people aren’t the only people affected by that game, Jewish people are too because. Gestures to hogwarts legacy and Harry Potter in general. I think it’s important to remember that here as well.

[garecc]

About Sudowrite

I have been seeing people panicking about sudowrite, and I have decided to write a small information post to hopefully clear up some common misconceptions I have been seeing.

Elon Musk is involved.

No. This is blatantly false. Elon Musk was involved with openai - NOT SUDOWRITE - when it was founded. He co-founded the company with a 1 billion dollar investment in 2016, 2 years later in 2018 he left the company. According to this Bloomberg article, he left because "Musk has to focus on “a painfully large number of engineering & manufacturing problems” at Tesla & SpaceX, he said, adding that he hasn’t “been involved closely” with OpenAI for more than a year. Musk left the company’s board in February [2018].

Why is when he left important?

The first gpt paper was published on June 11th 2018. This is 4 months after Musk left the company, and over a year since he said he stopped being involved. He has not been involved with gpt whatsoever.

What is Sudowrite

Sudowrite is, to my understanding, in the most basic terms a word processor with a generate text button.

Sudowrite operates with a gpt-3 model. This is the third gpt model. Gpt is a text-generation program created by the aforementioned openai. Not sudowrite. Basically, gpt is a transformer model. There is a complicated way of putting this, but in short it generates human-like text.

Why can it generate fanfic?

From 2011 to October 2019, an internet crawl was done to train an ai on the entire internet. This includes most websites. This includes ao3. Gpt is trained on this data. From my understanding, no new data is being added to gpt from websites like ao3. Privating your fanfic will do nothing against what is already collected and in use, as the collection of data is already finished, and not current. Please stop panicking.

What is sudowrite trained on?

Thankfully, for this we have a simple awnser.

In this faq (which you can find at the bottom of this page) it is stated that the sudowrite copy of gpt-3 has the models data, (the common crawl, web text, wikipedia, etc) and 10s of thousands of books. As it states here, again, there is no new data being collected. It is from 2019. Privating things will do nothing.

What else can I do to be informed?

I am begging everyone to read this article. It breaks down what gpt is, what the training data is, and everything you might want to know. Please read it.

[plantpest]

The thing is she hasn’t denied any of the accusations because they’re true. Those blogs are genuinely all her. She just doesn’t like people knowing that she’s a TERF because it’s bad for business. No one has said anything defamatory or insulting towards her. It’s just like any other business where the CEO gets caught saying racist/transphobic/sexist etc things except she’s not coming out an apologizing, she’s just getting angry at whistleblowers. I’m sorry that she’s gaslighting you over it.

and another ask:

She’s changed her TERF blog URL three times in 2 days. It’s not that she’s denying it, she just doesn’t want anyone to find out. She doesn’t want to be a better person. She wants to continue to be transphobic while taking our money.

tl;dr tumblr user havekat is a fucking terf lol

there's a whole mess under the read more

let's address kate:

on @havekat she doesn't reblog much from outsiders. however, from the reblogs she actually has (old and new) a whole lot are from terf blogs. the same goes for katsflora

speaking of katsflora, there's at least one straight up transmisogynistic post with no connection to plant there. this is her blog on which she mainly posts pretty pictures. probably reblogged to the wrong blog

the extremely aggressive transphobic blog that changes urls every now and again (henceforth known as That Blog) has reblogged havekat since its start in... 2018? i can't see the archive anymore, i guess tumblr is being tumblr about it. it's still actively reblogging her art as well as having a painting of hers as a header. kate is obviously fine with this blog promoting her, which would lead one to assume she is fine with extremely hateful people promoting her

she often talks on havekat about her stalker/harasser but never goes into detail. this is fine, no one is entitled to share details about shit like that. however, she often talks about being suicide bated. in her latest posts she talks about The Anon (an anti-kate anon who we guess is her stalker) going around is spreading lies about her and talking about how she is a failure. she never says what the lies are. the anon also never says she's a failure, but this is kinda pedantic of me to point out

she never publishes the harassing anons she herself gets that are presumably suicide bating her. that's obviously fine as most people don't want shit like that plastered on their own blogs. ...except that she uses this as one of her main points fishing for sympathy. she is also very quick to publish any other asks she gets however abusive language they have

she reblogged someone getting an anon (The Anon we guess) with some regular ol' kate-is-a-grifter-and-a-fraud. there's presumably been some back-and-forth with the receiver and kate. kate added "I don’t sell to people who help a stalker suicide bait me". from what we can see there's been no suicide bating. my guess is that kate doesn't know what "suicide bait" means. someone telling others to not buy her art is not suicide baiting. someone harassing her to the point of her feeling suicidal is not suicide baiting. it's vile and abusive behaviour that can have very extreme consequences, but it's not baiting

when someone asks her outright about her being the owner of That Blog she talks in circles

when someone asks her outright if she's being a terf or transphobic she deflects by stating she's bi (which... you can be bi and a terf. you can be straight and a terf (straight radfems are hilarious but w/e). you can be a bisexual or heterosexual or homosexual transphobe)

gonna slip in a quick terf=/=transphobe. there's layers n shit. at the top there's "trans people are very much valid in their own struggles but trans women have no place in women's issues since that encompasses only cis women bc reasons". which is transphobic but like. at a socially acceptable level

kate blocked me for asking her to clear up The Anon's accusations. she has not blocked That Blog

on That Blog and The Anon:

The Anon is from what i (and others) can tell some pissed off terf who hates kate for one reason or another but likely bc kate is totally fine taking money from trans people (specifically trans women) and refuses to confirm or deny her opinions openly on havekat

however kate sometimes refer to The Anon as a he and gives some details that doesn't adds up to The Anon, which makes me think there's actually two people going around. or there were and now there's one. it's kinda whatever tbh but worth pointing out i guess

The Anon sending messages abt kate being the blogowner is likely a fucking piss ass terf herself and is getting off on kate getting upset. so like. fuck off. block me will ya?

the owner of That Blog could be a bored and extremely hateful person with lots of spare time who pretends to be kate, but it would take serious dedication. some people are unhinged enough to do shit like that

That blog has reblogged kate's art since its start, several years back. lots of the art uses the same tagging style as kate has. however, tags can be changed retroactively. with a tag changer it's easy and quick

the two blogs have a similar typing style, but lots of people on tumblr do, so it's not really anything. it's also not that hard to mimic other people's "tones" if they're not already similar

the blogger has "slipped up" a couple of times and hinted at or admitted to being kate. could be a determined hater or it could be kate. we have no such slip-ups from havekat or katsflora, at least not from what i could find. havekat doesn't even promote katsflora and afaik it's her blog

That blog has, again, kate's art as its header. kate had a public freakout about someone adding descriptions to her paintings, so if she didn't like That Blog she would likely be public about not tolerating her (i assume based on content etc) using kate's art as a header

i cannot stress enough how violent the content of That Blog is. it's extremely transphobic. the "infiltration of women's spaces" (aka trans women existing) seems to be the blogger's biggest hate subject

whenever there's a fuss around kate possibly running That Blog the blog changes url. some drama hungry shit is keeping track of them and making sure people can find the newest url. search and you will find. i won't link That Blog or the url tracking blog bc i don't want people exposed to this shit too easily

my take from all this is that kate is a terf, and a really slimy one at that

at the base level she is totally fine with having radfems, terfs and transphobes promoting her. she has been fine with terfs and transphobes since before her money struggles. she is still fine with this. i understand how desperate she could be and needing to find support wherever she can, but by trying to play two fields she is at risk of losing everything. either she is fine with terf ideology and loses all her trans and ally support, or she takes a stance against it and loses that side instead. from what i've gathered lots of terfs are against her bc she's playing with the enemy i guess

she could have been vibing with terf ideology but grown into a healthy mindset right before the money issues hit and so never bothered to unfollow and/or block people in order to gain as big of an audience as possible. but i dunno. people calls her out right and left and she continues to be shifty around it all

as for me i will continue to operate under the assumption that she is a terf and i will warn others that supporting her means, sadly, not only that they are supporting someone in need of help, but someone who is also promoting a politic that is killing people

it is a hard stance to take bc - assuming what she is saying about her economical situation and struggles with her dogs and homelessness etc etc is true - i am actively asking people to potentially making a mentally ill person homeless. but the opinions she holds are supporting death, direct and/or indirect, of trans women (trans people, but specifically amab enbies and women)

i have screenshots btw i just don't feel like cleaning them up. if someone want to make a whole ass recipe blog i can send them but eh. i haven't said anything that's hard to find

[houseofbrat]

I'm just wondering what things M will accuse H of because I think the divorce battle will be messier than the Depp/Heard fiasco.

Physical abuse/domestic violence and anger management issues. She’s been laying the groundwork since the engagement in 2017.

2017 - First Tom Markle made the comment shortly after the engagement was announced about how he made Harry promise not to hurt Meghan. It was a really strange one-off comment that raised a lot of flags.

2018 - Next the whole estrangement from Tom. Yes, it was “because” he talked to the press and she’s deeply concerned for her privacy but Meghan can easily flip it to “they made me cut you off and threatened me if I didn’t.”

2019 - “not many people have asked me if I’m okay”. Sure, it was in the context of motherhood and postpartum depression, but how easy it’d be to spin it as “people knew about Harry’s temper and no one cared what he was doing to me.”

2020 - There was the whole thing in Finding Freedom about how Meghan’s the only person who can calm Harry down when he gets raging angry because everyone else is fearful of him. She’s scared of him too but she loves him and can put her fear aside to help him.

2021 - Then the Oprah interview, where she said the royals took her passport, keys, identification papers, and refused to allow her to make her own money. Both are classic signs of abusers, making their victims totally dependent on them.

2022 - Then there was their time spent in the UK around The Queen’s passing prior to the funeral - Meghan’s cronies have pretty much said that Meghan felt like a trapped hostage because she wasn’t allowed to go out anywhere and had to stay at FC.

Even more recently, there’s been gossip on Reddit that a) Harry had been forcibly removed from the household and involuntarily sent to rehab and b) something happened to Archie at school that prompted CPS investigations. Obviously it’s Reddit and take with a hefty dose of salt but the thing about Meghan and narcs is that they’ll take any sort of gossip as long as they can spin it to work in their favor.

And finally the threat about not having signed a NDA and finding her old journals in one of the interviews. It more or less suggests she witnessed or experienced something unsavory. She can absolutely spin that to mean Harry’s temper (or the tempers of other royals).

1. The rumors I saw on Reddit regarding rehab didn’t seem legit. Seems more like Meghan trying to start rumors to make him look bad. Which, again, falls under the “tell me they’re acrimoniously separating without telling me they’re acrimoniously separated” variety. 

2. I’ve read the specific comments about Archie and the person who shared that gossip was very clear that CPS was not called. It was Archie’s school who realized that they weren’t “equipped” to handle a small child with such severe anxiety and attachment issues. The school has a person working with Meghan and Harry to help Archie get better. CPS wasn’t involved in that stage. However, if Meghan and Harry--although, it was commented that Meghan seemed to be more of the problem with her control freak issues--don’t work to improve things, CPS could be contacted in the future. Just hasn’t happened yet.

3. The one-off Thomas Markle comment allegedly originated because Meghan told her mother, Doria, that she was divorcing Trevor because he got “physical” with her. Doria told Thomas. That was one of Meghan’s lies to get out of that marriage and move on. 

4. No one is going to believe Meghan saying the BRF forced her to cut off her own family. It’s just not believable at this point, particularly after the Oprah interview. 

5. The big problem with Meghan is that she can’t keep track of her lies. She just keeps putting out more when the best option would be to keep her mouth shut. Just like what she does with pr, she’s way past the point of over-saturation. People do not care for her in the US. The only ones who do are her crazy squad members. She is a niche market that has over sold herself by the truckload. 

I don’t worry too much about any physical abuse or domestic violence accusations because she’s too dumb to pull it off right now. Also, there are too many witnesses in her household. How many nannies do the kids have? In any kind of legal investigation, they would be questioned extensively. Those nannies & other staff could, in fact, give a lot of information to charge her for domestic abuse, if the rumors are true about her yelling, tantrums, throwing objects, and hitting Harry. 

Oh, and let’s not forget about all the rumored recordings of her behavior that exist. I have no doubt that at least one of those will hit the internet post-announcement.