#have some pain

[whatsfourteenupto]

For fifteen years, Donna Noble has suffered horrendous migraines. She’d never had them as a child. According to her mother and grandfather, they only began after her breakdown. After the year she can’t remember.

There’s no singular cause, but there are warning signs. A funny feeling, almost deja vous, as though she’s seen something before. Sometimes she wakes up with it, sometimes it strikes in the middle of the day, but when that strange familiarity brushes the back of her mind, she knows she’s got less than an hour before her head begins to feel like it’s being filled with white-hot iron.

It’s not pretty. Often, she’s sick. Usually, she cries. Thrice, she faints where no one is around, and they find her hours later, unconscious and freezing cold on the floor. Always freezing cold. When she tries to sleep them off, she has the strangest dreams, but they figure it’s a side-effect of the medication that’s supposed to help with the pain.

When she gets her memories- her mind- back, for a moment she wonders if this is it. Perhaps they’ll go away. But they don’t. Just over a month after everything settles down, the first one begins to creep back up.

The Doctor frowns as deep as she’s ever seen when she tells them about it. Eventually, he diagnoses it as a symptom from the meta crisis, lingering like scar tissue over a wound, but not to worry, he can help, it should be simple to-

When he extends his hands, fingers reaching for her temples, she flinches.

They stare at her, wide-eyed. She stares back, heart still racing from the sudden flash of panic. A wave of pain swells behind her eyes, and she chooses to blame that for why she shuts them. “I need to lie down.”

She turns on her heel and strides toward her bedroom. He doesn’t follow.

[i-eat-worlds]

Always Kid, Always

Or: I rewrote Pat’s death scene

This is pretty heavy, so mind the warnings and read at your own risk!

Thanks to @snaillamp for helping with medical things. They’ve got an ask Enjar game going on, go check them out!

cw: major character death, graphic depictions of mortal injuries, blood, brief mentions of other bodily fluids (vomit, urine), medical treatment, institutional indifference to human life, emotional whump, hurt no comfort, grief, guilt, Dead Dove Do Not Eat

Pat has been condemned.

The human capital council voted 3-2 to deploy her, along with the rest of Turquoise. He and Henle had gone up on the stand, two years worth of medical records with him, and told them in no uncertain terms that this will likely kill her. Her powers are tearing her body apart. It’s not just her nerves anymore, it's her blood vessels and internal organs and muscles and bones. Any use of her powers could be her last.

They agree with them. They say it’s dangerous for her. They also say that this villian, whatever the fuck his name is, is more dangerous “For everyone,” they say. It’s bullshit. They have other heroes. Heroes that won’t die. Heroes that can’t die.

The mission is stupid and dangerous and everybody knows that. It doesn’t matter. It’s for the greater good.

Joseph, though he hates it, though he knows it’s selfish, can’t help but think “fuck the greater good.”

He doesn’t hunt down any of the council members. He doesn’t slam them against the wall and yell at them until he’s red in the face because it won’t change anything.

Pat has been condemned.

***

The locker room is utterly depressing

The normal banter is gone, replaced by oppressive silence. Everyone suits up slowly, painfully, speaking only to ask “can you zip me up?” or “can you buckle this for me?” His medic patch feels more obtrusive then normal, like an annoying itch that won’t go away. The already heavy bag feels crushing.

Pat’s hair is done up like it normally is, tightly pulled back in two french braids so it will t under the helmet. As she laces up her boots, he can see the black and orange compression socks she’s wearing underneath.

She catches him looking and smiles, the corners of her green eyes crinkling.

He tries not to puke. It’s awful.

The helipad is worse. They’re up high, the city spread out around them, as they wait for their ride. Pat stands next to him, chewing on her lip. He turns to her.

“If you don’t want to go inside, we’ll find another way. I’ll take the heat. Martin’ll take the heat. Henle’ll take the heat. We will keep this off you.”

She dips her head. “It’s okay. They picked me for a reason. This dude? What he made? It’ll kill you.” Her eyes glimmer with tears. “I can’t let that happen.”

He could say the same.

“We can abort. I will fight for you on this, Pat. All of us will.”

“No.” She shakes her head. “He’s dangerous. For everyone. I signed up for this. I knew what I was getting into.” The helicopter roars overhead. “It’s for the greater good.”

It’s too loud, and they have to stop talking.

***

The villain’s base looms on the horizon. It’s boring looking, like some sort of factory or warehouse, but it's not.

Warehouses don’t have lasers.

The building is mostly empty, because even villains know that you should try to protect your employees from further harm. Per the plan, Pat charges straight into the heart of the compound, hands on fire, eyes glowing, and very tachycardic.

Even though they can’t see her, it’s obvious where she is. Just follow the violent thrum of energy and the rumbles reverberating through the floor. It shakes the whole building, rattling the windows. Pat is busting through door after door after door, but she’s getting there.

For a brief second, there’s a pause. Joseph thinks that maybe she’s made it.

Then, a violent shockwave shakes the building, nearly taking him off his feet.

That’s it. That’s the discharge that will kill her. The clock has started. She’s dying now.

He silences his com, ignoring Martin’s voice ordering them to leave the building, warning that it’s unstable, and goes deeper inside. Running as fast as he can, he traces Pat’s steps, following her path of destruction into the heart of the building.

She’s crumpled on the warehouse’s concrete floor, glass windows blown out around her, lying in a rapidly growing pool of blood. “Pat!” He yells as he approaches, looking her over.

He sees a steady stream of blood oozing out of her leg.

“Hey kid,” He says, kneeling down by her side. “Pat, c’mon.” He quickly ties a tourniquet around her mangled left leg, trying to stem the bleeding. She screams as he tightens the windlass and clips it in. He quickly searches for any more major bleeding, hands patting up and down her body while he calls for help. Helicopter. Here. Now.

He finds a jagged hole in her chest. Her sternum seems to be half gone, replaced by a deep pool of red. Fuck.

“Ex-exhale?” She whimpers, eyes wide with worry. Her face is clammy and her breathing is fast and she looks like she’s about to cry.

“Joseph. Call me Joseph, yeah?” he says, tearing open a package of gauze and jamming the contents into her chest. Her blood is warm as it coats his fingers, and it's awful.

The scream is even worse, loud and piercing and heartbreaking. “I know it hurts, just stay with me, yeah?” he says as he keeps packing, watching the gauze turn pink and then red as it’s saturated completely.

There is one thing in this world that can save her right now, and it’s a healer. If he can get her to the helicopter, then maybe she’ll make it. He digs out his IV kit and seizes her arm.

“I-I think I’m gonna..” She says, her breath catching.

“It’s okay, I gotcha,” he says. Her veins are too sunken back. There's no way he’s going to be able to get an IV in.

“I don’t wanna die," she hiccups. “Please, I don’t wanna die.”

His fingers press into her neck and find her pulse. It’s weak and thready. Her breathing is slowing down. She’s dying.

“I’ve got you,” he says, “I’m going to do everything I can to help you.” It’s a lie, because there's nothing he can do. She’s lost too much blood, and she’s bleeding out internally, and there's not a damn thing he can do about it.

“‘M sorry, Exha-Joseph.” Her voice wavers, and she starts to cry even harder. “Please, I don wanna go,” A gasp escapes her blue tinged lips.

He wraps his hand around hers, bloody blue nitrile intermingling with shaking and cold flesh. “It’s okay Pat, I know it’s scary.” He comfortingly squeezes her hand. “I’ll be here to help.”

She whimpers, and she looks up at Joseph again. Her eyes are pleading, and she looks so desperate to keep living. Another tear rolls down her cheek, and she gasps again. “ ‘m, sorry. ‘M so sorry, ‘oseph.”

“It’s okay, you’re amazing, kid.” Tears well in his eyes, and he lets them fall. They both know what’s about to happen. He takes her in his arms, maneuvering her shaking body onto his lap.

“ ‘m sorry I couldn’t be better.” Her words are barely audible, voice raspy. She heaves another breath in, body almost convulsing with the eort.

“You were great, Pat. I couldn’t have been more proud of you.” He smiles down at her as the tears fall freely.

“Thank you, ‘oseph,” she slurs, blinking very, very slowly.

“Always, kid, always,” he chokes out, watching her eyes slide close. Her pulse is still there, but only barely.

“I love you, Pat.” Her breaths are getting further and further apart.“From the moment I met you, I knew you were going to be amazing.” He squeezes her hand, one last time.

A horrid, horrid silence passes over everything. “I’ve gotcha’”

Her chest rises.

“Always, yeah? Fucking always.”

It falls.

It doesn't rise again.

She’s dead.

She’s fucking dead.

The tears come harder, and he lets them. He yells, loudly and painfully. Anger erupts in his mind.

Why her? Fucking why!

Her skin is gray, muscles too relaxed. She looks so…almost…alive. There's a warm feeling on his thigh, where her legs are resting.

She’s pissed on him.

Carefully, he sets her down, closing her lifeless eyes and bowing his head.

Everything hurts. His mind is screaming.

“Exhale to Guardian, Exhale to Guardian,” he says into his coms, half on fire, half numb.

“Guardian on, location and report,” Martin’s voice responds.

He’s quiet for a very long second. “Surge is dead.” He grits his teeth. “Repeat, Pat is dead.”

The words land like a jetliner plummeting out off the sky

Martin orders him to return. They disregard the helicopter.

Everything is very quiet.

It doesn’t feel real.

It is.

***

The ride back is even quieter than the ride there. Everyone sits together, heads held low.

Even breathing seems wrong.

Halfway there, it hits him. This is why INSUPA uniforms are black. To hide the blood of those they let die.

It’s soaked into the lower half of his uniform from kneeling and sitting in it. The piss stain is still drying too, but its not as noticeable. His gloves were so sopping wet that it got under his fingernails. The smell of iron stills burns his nostrils.

He has to look horrible.

The words play over and over again in his mind.

“Pat is dead.”

“Pat is dead.”

“Pat is dead.”

“Pat is dead.”

By the time they arrive at the centre, everyone is crying. No one tries to hide it. It doesn’t matter.

Pat is dead.

Pat is dead and it was preventable.

Pat is dead, and it is partially their fault.

But mostly, it’s his.

He bypasses the locker rooms and starts to march straight for the council's office. They’ll pay for this, he’ll make them. The patch is heavy on his shoulder.

“Joseph, no!” Henle yells at him.

He keeps walking.

They yank him back, pressing him against the wall. “I can’t let you do this.”

“They let her die, Henle, what you let me to do!” Everyone is looking at them. It doesn’t matter.

They lean in closer. “You’re smarter than this.”

“Henle..”

“You charging into that office and punching the teeth out of them will not change anything. Not for the better, anyway.” Their face is deadly serious, though their eyes are bloodshot from crying.

Joseph is silent for a moment. “She’s dead, Henle.” He breaks, fracturing into a million pieces. The tears are like a waterfall. “I sat there, and she was crying and apologizing.” He wipes his eyes. “She said she was sorry.”

Henle pulls him into a hug, and Joseph lets him, still sobbing violently. “She looked so sad. She begged to live. She thanked me.” His mouth gapes open. “This is my fault. If I hadn’t…If I hadn’t encouraged her to…fuck…if I hadn’t…” He slowly melts to the floor, hyperventilating.

They don’t let go. “Hey, shhh, breathe with me, yeah.”

Joseph tries his best, carefully watching their chest, trying to match its movements. “I’m sorry,” he mumbles.

“You’re okay.” They let go, and Joseph relaxes back into the wall. “How about we go get you cleaned up?”

He’s suddenly hyper aware of the dried blood itching his skin. He wants it off.

“Please, yeah.”

As he walks towards the locker rooms, he finds himself crying once again. The anger flares. It’s going to eat him forever.

She didn’t have to die.

She didn’t have to die.

She didn’t have to die.

Taglist: @pigeonwhumps @rainydaywhump @painful-pooch @rainbowsandwhumperflies

[incorrectbensler]

Olivia: A lot's happened since you left. And I want to fill you in but... I don't know if I feel comfortable doing that yet.

Elliot: Right. You're still mad.

Olivia: No. When you left and you just disappeared, it was a kick in the stomach, and I carried that around for a long time.

Elliot: You were the last person that I ever wanted to see again... ever. And you were the only person that I ever wanted to see again.

[hellcifrogs]

How did my babys from Team Shinichi died? I need to know so i can cry even harder

Just like in that post... Ashi during the war when they were kids...

I imagine they were in a pinch and only had a risky plan with low chances of success, and she decided to go out to spare her team - since she is the fastest. Not sure if it works, but she dies, Kenshi loses control of his chakra chains and makes a small mess until Shinichi finds them and gets things under control. Could also be when Sho awakens her sharingan.

Shinichi dies at the nine tails attack - the kids/teens were kept out of combat so Sho and Kenshi were fine. After the disaster they find his sword and Kenshi takes it with him. (I guess he's collecting dead friends itens at this point ;u;)

Finally Sho dies during the Uchiha massacre. She and Kenshi grow much closer after that and frequently exchange letters while Kenshi travels around, but he never gets her last one where she mentions the clan's plan and the risk she knows about - Itachi. He finds out a couple of months later when he returns.

[thel0re]

endless edits of minah chung please don't reblog

[snowe-zolynn-rogers]

It seems like almost every 'main' character has a lord/god self, except Blood Moon and/or Harvest Moon? At least that I know of?

Are you...tempting me?

Go ahead, then, and meet Lord Artemis (Blood Moon) and Lord Styx (Harvest Moon).

Lord Artemis activated the star before Eclipse could and wiped his world prematurely, which killed Harvest Moon as the one thing he held dearest to charge it fully. His sole family left is Moon (Telesto), whom he treats well and cherishes since he'd feel incredibly lonely with the loss of his twin otherwise.

Lord Styx activated the star after Blood Moon died during the fight, though Lord Styx didn't die with his twin. Lord Styx managed to get away and to the star long enough to activate it just as Eclipse tackled him, which inevitably saved Eclipse from dying due to the star. Upon wiping the world, Lord Styx's Eclipse (Nyx) was completely wiped and Lord Styx keeps him essentially as a pet, not noticing Nyx has no memory of what he did to Blood Moon.

[aishitara]

oop, forgot to let y'all know yesterday that my blog is 6 years old now.

feels like 6 million. that's how time works on tumblr, right?

here, have this pain.

[source]

[ofcxnsequence]

@angelsweeps (NATALIE)

"You remember Mrs. Callahan, in third grade?" Ray asked after a long period of silence. They were sitting on the hood of his truck, backed leaning against the windshield. it was a good thing she didn't leave him alone, as much as he hated to admit it. He was almost out of cigarettes. they'd been talking for a while, and he'd practically been chain smoking throughout it all. going into town wasn't a good idea right now. He might run into Dodge, or worse, Heather, and all of Natalie's ongoing hard work to calm him down would be for nothing.

"Gave us this big fund raiser for 400 dollars for a new chalk board for our class. Said if we hit it, she'd buy us all pizza and we'd get to watch a movie. Think the class voted on the lion king or something like that." he swallowed against his smoke, the air retrohaled out his nose.

" Had that locked box on her desk. So we could see our progress." he said quietly," then one day she says money's been stolen. We'd made to to 200 dollars, remember? Half way there. Money's been stolen and if whoever took it didn't come forward then we could forget recess, and the pizza, and all that. They all pinned it on me. Made sense. Someone's mom said something about my dad being that way, someone's dad said Luke got into trouble a lot, so why wouldn't it be me. Then it turns into 'i saw Ray do this, i saw Ray do that.' Kids is mean, will throw you under the bus as quick as that."he snapped his fingers," ...I had to stay after class...Nobody seemed to notice how Mrs C.'s car didn't pop or smoke anymore. That thing was falling apart until then, all us kids made fun a that car. ' Member?" Ray was quiet. " I had to stay after class, and told her I didn't do it. She says she knows. She knows, cause I knew about her car. But you know what else that son of a bitch said?" he pulled his cigarette from his mouth and twirled it in his fingers, " But nobody is ever going to believe a Hall. So she got her car fixed, I got suspended, the belt, and locked in the smoke house. When Luke finally talked my grandpap into letting me out, I told him. Cause Luke says you tell the truth." he paused, " and Luke said ' what was i supposed to expect?' " He was quiet for a time.

If he had been in a better mood he might have congratulated her on making his personal challenge from last year something as triggering as small spaces with dead things in them. That was a common punishment at his house and finding out something so private as that must have taken some heavy digging.

"Heather was the only one to ask me if I was okay when they let me come back." he shrugged, " always liked her after that. Only one who believed me, too."

[heartofspells]

We’re taking a short break from 5SOS5, to discuss Chicago by Louis Tomlinson, because I really think this will be heartbreaking and it brings me joy to inflict this on everyone reading this. Note, I got all these lyrics off of Google, so if they messed up the lyrics, it’s not totally my fault.

“I saw you had a baby / Did you use any of the names we liked?”

Sirius to Remus, after Teddy has been born. They used to discuss the idea of adoption, talking about an ideal life once they finally won the war, but that obviously didn’t happen for them. Sirius spent 12 years in Azkaban while Remus spent those same 12 years hating Sirius, and neither of them could repair their old relationship once Sirius escaped, because that kind of distrust destroys anything; it was nothing short of a miracle they repaired their friendship, a romantic relationship is impossible. Not to mention, 12 years of hating Sirius wrecked the romantic love Remus once had for him, and 12 years with Dementors shredded Sirius’s mind and there’s huge gaps in his memories; he remembers enough to know he loved Remus and they had good memories, but he remembers almost nothing of the good times. He has very clear memories of the bad though, the Dementors left him with that; Sirius can’t recall the first time he and Remus told the other they were in love, he can’t remember moving into a flat together, but the first time Remus told him he was nothing but a Black, that time Remus snapped at him that he wished they’d never met, the fact that Remus truly believed Sirius was capable of handing the Potters over to Voldemort? Those memories are crystal clear.

Sirius is very happy for Remus and Tonks, up in the afterlife, but it’s still bittersweet knowing that Remus and Sirius once spoke about that for them and that Sirius will never meet the son of one of his best friends. (Also, know that Sirius heard that Remus was planning on leaving Tonks pregnant, and Sirius most definitely expected Andromeda to just murder Remus. Had Remus actually left Tonks, it would have been on sight, forget Bellatrix, it’s Andromeda that’s the threat)

(Me, going off on an entire tangent based on two lines? More likely than you think or hope for)

“And is your brother doing okay? / Is he still getting out of fights?”

Do I even need to say anything to make it obvious who I’m making this about? Probably not. Will I? Of course.

It’s obviously about Regulus, and to make it even more painful, it’s taking place the very day Sirius learns his little brother is dead. On one hand, he is technically getting out of fights, but he’s definitely not okay because he’s dead. Also, wanna know how Regulus always got out fights? He reminded people he was Sirius Black’s little brother and that hurting him meant Sirius would be out for blood. He couldn’t protect Regulus in the end though; the only time Sirius isn’t there, and his brother dies.

“I'm sorry that your mum don't like me / I'm sorry that I brought that on myself”

This can actually take a humorous turn, because Walburga would despise Remus, but that might actually be a plus in Sirius’s eyes, my sweet rebellious son. Feel free to only think of this take on the line.

For angst though, it’s when Remus thinks Sirius is a spy, and he’s realizing that this relationship is doomed, because a Sirius working for Voldemort, a Sirius who is a blood purist, will never stay with a man who isn’t Pureblood-approved, and a werewolf half-blood will never ever get that approval. Remus fell in love with a lie, and the most painful thing of all is that Remus still loves him. Remus loves the Sirius he spent 7 years in Gryffindor with, he loves the Sirius who grinned brightly enough to put the stars to shame when Remus agreed to move in with him, he loves the Sirius that can’t help but smile every time he sees Remus because of how much Sirius loves him, but Remus also has the heartbreaking knowledge that that Sirius is nothing but a lie made up to be a lethal weapon for Voldemort. Remus knows that to the Death Eaters, Remus is nothing but a halfblood beast and no Pureblood would ever approve of him, so the future Remus imagined with Sirius will never come to life because Remus fell in love with a lie (well, he didn’t, but Remus doesn’t realize until far too late, and by then it’s too hard to repair their relationship). Remus brought this on himself by staying with Sirius even after he stopped trusting him, by not just walking away even though that would’ve destroyed him, because falling for a pureblood Black is the worst idea for a half-blood werewolf and to make it even worse, Remus fell for the Black working as a spy, for the Black who’s not only trying to kill people like Remus but the Black who can spend years with Remus and still feel no true affection for him (Sirius loved him with everything in him and never betrayed the Order, but Remus didn’t learn this until far too late; Peter’s actions wrecked them both).

“They say bitter ends turn sweet in time / Is that true of yours and mine?”

Well, not really, sorry Remus. There’s 12 years in Azkaban, 12 years of believing Sirius to be someone capable of betraying his closest friend and handing his godson over to be killed; there’s the knowledge that when it mattered, neither of them had faith in the other, they both believed the other to be the traitor; and then Sirius is killed just 2 years after escaping Azkaban and the war that took everything from them has started again, they never have time to sit down and discuss their relationship and why they fell apart and how to put them back together again. Sirius will always be Remus’s biggest what-if: what if they’d trusted each other during the First War, what if someone addressed the lack of a trial, what if Remus could bear to think of that fateful Halloween and realized something was off about the official series of events, what if Sirius’s name was cleared while he was alive, what if they had more time, what if Sirius stayed at Grimmauld during the DOM battle, what if what if what if?

“'Cause if you're lonely in Chicago / You can call me baby / Has it been long enough that you can forgive me? / Just because it didn't work / Doesn't mean it's meaningless to me / It just wasn't meant to be”

I’m incapable of remaining rational when it comes to the chorus, I cannot believe this exists and I’m expected not to go feral over it.

Now, onto the HP aspects of it all. “Has it been long enough that you can forgive me?” is Sirius in POA about that Halloween, begging Remus to forgive him for not trusting Remus, for recommending Peter to be the Keeper, for doubting Remus’s loyalty to the Order and to James. Even though Sirius doubts Remus can ever forgive him (Sirius knows he’ll never forgive himself), Sirius desperately wants Remus to love him still, to always have Remus as a safe place to land, to feel Remus wrap his arms around Sirius and tell Sirius that Remus will never stop loving him and Remus will never walk away; it’s Remus once he hears the full story of October 31, 1981, realizing that he falsely believed his best friend (the person Remus was in love with) to be capable of horrific crimes, crimes that Remus should’ve known Sirius was never capable of because everyone who knew Sirius knew how much Sirius loved James, knew that James was half of Sirius’s soul (Sirius had two soulmates: a romantic one in Remus and a platonic one in James). Sirius and Remus forgive each other, how can they not when they both did the same thing (albeit their time lengths were different), but they can never truly go back to how they were right after graduation.

We’re onto the good stuff with “Just because it didn't work / Doesn't mean it's meaningless to me / It just wasn't meant to be” because even though Sirius and Remus didn’t make it, even though their relationship wasn’t strong enough to withstand the First Wizarding War, their relationship still had a profound impact on the both of them and was one of the most important relationships either one will ever have. Remus was one of the people to show Sirius how to love, Remus was the first person Sirius was ever in love with (Remus was the only person Sirius ever had time to fall in love with, he dies before he ever feels that kind of love again) and Sirius can never forget that Remus was the first person Sirius ever trusted with his heart like that and trusted not to break it (Sirius’s trust wasn’t misplaced, but his heart got broken regardless during the war); Remus fell in love right alongside Sirius and both learned how to open their hearts that way together, Sirius showed Remus what it’s like to meet people and decide they’re worth everything (Sirius was a person who grew up being taught all the wrong things but met the right people and decided they were worth defying his family, they were worth giving up everything he knew because Sirius knew that what’s easy isn’t always what’s right [Remus doubted everything about this during the War, because maybe nothing about Sirius was true, maybe Sirius chose easy over right, maybe Sirius was laughing at them the entire time and never intended to fight against his family and childhood friends] and Remus can never forget watching Sirius’s heart break when he heard his parents disowned him, before looking at Remus and James and Peter and Lily and all their friends, and visibly deciding that they were what truly mattered and Sirius could get through this with them at his side. Sirius lost everything he knew, but made the decision to stay with what he believed to be right, and Remus will never forget that). They couldn’t withstand the test of time, but they’ll never forget what they learned from each other and they’ll never regret loving each other.

“Have you seen how my life's been going? / 'Cause I've been wondering what you'd say / Would you have told me to keep going / Or would you say to walk away?”

Remus to Sirius after Sirius dies and everything is just falling apart. The war os getting worse, the Order still doesn’t know how Voldemort survived the First War and doesn’t know how to prevent it from happening again, Sirius is dead and Harry has just lost yet another parental figure and Harry has to know that Sirius was only there because Harry rushed into a trap, the Order almost got annihilated the first time and it’s not looking that much better this time, and Remus has just lost the last of his best friends. Remus’s world is falling apart, but he won’t give up because he’s not letting James and Lily and Sirius have died for nothing; even with that, he still wants to know what Sirius would say if Sirius knew what was going on.

(Slightly humorous note, Sirius is decking Dumbledore the second he sees the man in the afterlife, for not telling the Order about horcruxes. James is screaming that “strength in numbers” is a saying for a reason while restraining Lily, who might actually murder Dumbledore in the afterlife for placing the burden of war almost solely on her son’s shoulders rather than trusting the adults too; James is only restraining her because he’s not sure what would happen if a murder occurred there, but he doesn’t particularly want to discover the consequences right then and he’s quite sure that Lily and Sirius agree).

“You always made me feel much better / And I'll always be grateful for that”

Sirius was always Remus’s first thought when asked to think of “home” and that will never change. Even when having the worst day possible, just seeing Sirius made everything better. The way Sirius would grin at Remus and his eyes would light up like just seeing Remus made him happier than anything else, the way Sirius would just sit beside Remus if Remus didn’t want to talk, absolutely everything with Sirius made things better. Even though the memories hurt now that Sirius is dead (even though the memories were tainted for 12 years by Sirius’s betrayal), Remus will never stop being grateful for his relationship with Sirius and loving what they had, even though they didn’t last as long as they hoped they would.

“I didn't have to search 'cause I still know your number / I bet that you didn't think that I'd remember” and “Oh, I didn't have to search 'cause I still know your number / I bet sometimes you still like to wear my jumper”

Remus still remembers everything about his relationship with Sirius, he still knows the exact address of their old flat and he still remembers the address of the flat Sirius moved into straight after graduation (Sirius can remember very little of their history thanks to the Dementors, he’s got no clue where Remus used to live and he doesn’t remember where their old flat was. He can still remember their first fight in their flat and how Remus stormed out and the fear Sirius had that Remus wouldn’t return) (Remus feels his heart break when he realizes how much the Dementors took from Sirius, how little Sirius can remember of their relationship, because even though Padfoot helped, it took time for Sirius to realize that and not even an animagus form can totally neutralize the effects of Dementors). Remus still has Sirius’s old clothes from Grimmauld because it’s the only thing he has left now, he burned all of the things that reminded him of Sirius after 1981 because he wanted nothing to remind him of the traitor that wrecked Remus’s world, so now he only has these clothes (Remus tries to ignore that Sirius would hate to see Remus clinging to the clothing 16 year old Sirius left behind in Grimmauld, but Remus has nothing else to remember Sirius by, he can only use what teenaged Sirius left in Grimmauld [Remus has to ignore the voice pointing out that he left these things behind for a reason because he has nothing else to remember Sirius with])

This thing might actually qualify as an essay, sorry for the length

I STILL have not listened to this song more than once. But alkdjfalkjsf

@fonkeloog have your pain. I cannot. Goodbye

(i did a word count on this, btw. 2479. you are insane, but in the absolute best way)

[brutalscaled]

💭!! gimme some pain :>c

Send me a “💭“ and your Muse will experience one of my Muse’s Memories || Accepting!

His aunt snaps at him that he stinks as she hauls him into the bathroom, which he does. Two days of being locked outside to scrounge for himself will do that to a kid. She unceremoniously shoves him into the cold water, knocking his head against the tile in the process. It's only that daze that allows her to shove his head underwater and keep it there. He starts thrashing, kicking, clawing, and it takes all her weight to hold him down into the bloodied water. 

It's not survival instinct that saves him. It's the trauma response: if he keeps still and quiet, she usually ignores him in turn. It's only because of this that she lifts her hands away, thinking she's finally free of him. She's leaned over the tub, catching her breath when his clawed hands grab her shirt and yank her off balance. Her face cracks against the side of the tub, and her pained scream cuts off with an ugly choking sound as his teeth meet in her throat. 

She's hitting him, punching and scratching at whatever part of him she can reach, but his teeth only lock tighter. Suddenly his hold is torn loose and she falls back against the bathroom cabinets, the bite torn from her throat gushing red down the front of her lingerie and bathrobe. Waylon hauls himself out of the stained tub, coughing water and blood and the bits of his aunt's flesh that he hasn't swallowed. He shivers from cold and adrenaline as he watches her fight a losing battle for breath, as her bloodied hands finally slip lifelessly from the ugly wound.

She's gone. He's free from her after twelve long years. Even so, he can't be found like this with the body. …Looks like she's going to feed him after all.

[prettytm]

I have waited

Paralyzed by my own will

Viciously reminding me still

I'm born to believe

And I am certain, no

That you and I are crashing course

I have waited

Paralyzed by my own will

Viciously reminding me still

I'm born to believe

And I am certain, no

That you and I are crashing course

Driven by a holy force

I know you can see

That you will be mine

Yeah, you will be mine

[munsontm]

❛   things change, friends leave. life doesn’t stop for anybody.  ❜  (Max)

Goddamn, why didn't she just kick him in the dick while she was at it? Eddie knew Max could be a hardass when she wanted or needed to be. But he didn't need to think about losing the only friends he'd ever had right then or how much the whole murder charges situation had ruined his life more than it already was. For once, Eddie didn't want his life to change. He wanted it to go back to the shit tip it had been before he let Chrissy into his trailer that night, and yet, that was utterly impossible.

The whole Upside Down ordeal was just another punch in the face from life. What more should he ever expect than that? "Yeah, you're right, kid." The elder muttered, his voice devoid of any joy, any hope that things would be different this time. He stubbed his cigarette out, avoiding the ice blue of her younger eyes. "C'mon. Let's get you home."

@withxrebelyell

[essenceofhispenance]

I LOST THE MEME

@impercre ASKED: "i cause pain out of necessity." (PAUL)

Their separation had been anything but clean. it had dragged and drawled with pushback and setback-- with more water than anyone else, he could have pushed back for years to come.

Everything she had prior to their union had gone up in flames after all. Everything else that remained in their time together she gave directly to Stilgar to be distributed to the tribe.

Each counter was carefully counted out. She gave her clothes that remained with her and a loom that had been given as a gift after Paul's ascension.

Even the spice fiber bag full of pearls that he had dropped into her lap was given up. it all went back to the tribe.

She kept only what was allowed after such a separation: her stillsuit and her crysknife. She felt as if she could breathe again when Stilgar gave her her yellow band. it meant that it was over.

An exchange to another sietch in these instances was never something so clean cut. The assessment of skills, gender, age-- it all played into the role a person had in benefitting their tribe. The more valuable a person was, the more choices for distance they could have.

If she could have gone further south she would have. The inhabitants of the caps were a strange breed-- he father had told her so. Still, she remembered his greater success with those at the south rather than the north.

The sietch she had settled in was only one hundred miles from the sietch deep within the southern mountains. She could see the mountains from the entrance of the sietch. Did her father see this? What would he make of all that white at the top? it felt as if she stood staring at the space where everything good and blessed was. When the moons rose in the sky it was as if they rested atop the mountain. it had to be holy.

She was glad that that was all the closer to it she would get. Chani wore her yellow band above her green one and settled quietly into the sietch. it seemed, each day, she could breathe a little easier. She worked diligently at the tanning factory, working with spice to tan the leather that was used in the day to day..

There was even time enough now to find traces of her father's work. Evidence of his terraforming -- dew collector's, wind traps, and even a small farm dedicated to his hypothesis on hydroponics. She'd never thought such a thing was possible, but any chance to be closer to his memory meant everything to her. Being so close to the caps made such a thing possible.

In the mundane, in the small and quiet moments of this new life, she met someone. the wooing was slow, as to meet the forms. he was good. He cared for her. He had had a grandfather in the mountains. He wanted to take her there. He did not wish to take her as anything less than his wife. He waited the two years, then they followed the forms in such simple fashion, the eighteen months of their engagement gave Chani further time to understand the strange customs of this sietch and gain a new family.

There was only four years left, he would say. Then three, then two. When he could present her as his first wife, then they would travel up and into the mountain to meet his grandfather. She could work in the factories there-- she could study the kinds of plants that could be grown in the cold. They could be happy.

it all sounded so terribly simple. a life deep in the desert-- beyond that desert.

But plans changed and little happy accidents came of their own volition. Now, the plan was when their baby was old enough. She would nest, that was her right. They could travel when the baby turned three and learned the Great Silence.

Until then, he promised she could stay deep within the lowest levels of the sietch where it was safe.

it hardly seemed real.

She had been working in the farm, trying to rework the lamps for appropriate UV concentration, her baby swaddled close to her chest, when they came and told her.

he'd been called out. He'd lost.

What was the quarrel? Did they place him in the still yet? Did he have a good death? did he get his rites? Who fought with him?

Why did everyone have to die?

her father, her son? Even Usul was gone, conquered by the Atreides. and now...

She'd come up to the middle levels, the forms would not let her go higher in her condition. She'd swaddled her child against her back to make this trek all the easier. there would be some stranger in her Yali in this false night. It wouldn't be her man in what once was her bed.

She hadn't expected this.

Not after all this time. Not after the way they had parted. There was a ringing in her ears throughout the acceptance. Throughout his rites.

Muad'dib had fought for her. that was the quarrel. He'd accepted her as a wife.

In desert fashion she turned to lead him to their Yali, to show him what all he had won. It all seemed so hollow now.

"Pain is never necessary." was all that she could say.

[cemeterything]

my main advice for writing an enemies to lovers relationship is to resist the urge to make the characters' loathing and attraction mutually exclusive opposing forces. it's okay if they're getting weirdly into it and having Thoughts whilst also sincerely wanting to kill each other with hammers.

[dxmonborn-a]

“You’re not a monster.”

"Then, why do I feel like one?" the young Winchester snapped. "I'm the thing hunters kill! I'm free game! I go beast mode and I don't even know it!"

Alex didn't mean to yell at her uncle. She really didn't. She was just...so angry with herself. Shit, she was half demon, so yeah. She would definitely classify herself as a monster.

"I've killed people! Innocent people! I'm a fucking freak of nature!"