#have we come out of it any greater? have we done anything but lie to ourselves?

[dayurno]

this is somewhat of a vent post & something i said i would not do again but has been plaguing me enough that i think getting it out might feel better. so. has anydoggy else been. Baffled and upset by nora sakavic’s refusal to speak on how terribly aftg has treated its characters of color? with the author of the series coming back with a new book and starting up on her online activity again, and questions of what she’d change about aftg bubbling up, it’s particularly glaring to me that we are all playing this very long game of pretend where we ignore how badly the non-white cast has been treated & her lack of thoughts on it

and i understand not wanting to bring up nicky and thea because people pick on her for it. i’m not trying to discredit nora sakavic’s terrible history of getting harrassed online by aftg fans. but i think it is very cynical, and it is very juvenile, and most of all very cruel, that she gets to ignore the very real ways the books have set up these characters to be hated. i think it’s obvious why the characters who get the most hate are the only canonical characters of color, and i think we do not get to treat this like a deliberate decision on the fandom’s part when the books have put these same characters in degrading and embarrassing and terrible positions in the first place. aftg is not a story about nice characters with clean pasts, but there is a very specific nastiness to the only characters of color being a brown man who sexually harasses and later assaults the main character, a black woman whose only scene is her lashing out at her love interest after being ignored for the first two books, and the japanese villain who gets maybe two lines of complexity before he goes back to being a terrible person. the white cast, in comparison, while not at all free from flaws, are never shown to commit mindless evil; all of their actions are ultimately justified. the book goes out of its way to give them concession after concession. we know exactly who to side with, because aftg tells us who these people are. does nicky’s assault ever get addressed in the books? does riko’s reasoning to be the way that he is ever gets more than briefly aluded to? is thea reserved even a shred of humanity or grace in her one scene?

anyway. it’s been years of talking about this and the fandom has been constantly hostile to criticism in this regard, and more recently any criticism at all, and it’s Grating to be on the other side of this discussion. it’s exhausting to know that in ten years we do not get even an acknowledgment besides the author saying she will not answer questions about nicky and thea anymore. it’s upsetting and it’s ugly and i wish no one had to talk about this again, but we do because what i thought was common sense has been washed away by a sudden influx of no-nuance adoration for the trilogy. basically i hope we all explode

two hours later edit: you're allowed to reblog this! sorry about the confusion

[ladykailitha]

The Harrington Pattern Part 6

Yay! Another History Nerd Steve!! And I got a shit ton of awesome writing done yesterday so I was able to catch up to omegaverse. But it's looking like this one will finish first. As I think I have one or two more chapters to go on this one (as in past my backlog not past this chapter specifically).

In this chapter we get Eddie being a good dad, Mike getting introspective and Will getting some perspective of his own. And a little bit of Eddie keeping Mike humble for funsies.

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5

@mira-jadeamethyst @rozzieroos @itsall-taken @redfreckledwolf @emly03

****

Eddie gathered Mike and El up and took them outside of Will’s hearing.

“Hey,” he said gently, “I’m not mad at you, okay? But I have to explain something to you both.”

Mike and El looked at each other in confusion. “About what?” El asked.

“About offering to help Will buy the staff,” Eddie said. “It showed that you are kind and generous people who only want to help their friend, but Will does not see it that way.”

“He doesn’t?” El asked.

“When you grow up poor,” Eddie said fiercely, “it is drilled into you that any help at all is charity and should be avoided at all cost.”

Mike and El looked at each other again, their confusion even greater than before.

“But why?” El asked.

“Because supposed ‘well meaning’ people,” Eddie put air quotes around well meaning, “think that when you are poor you don’t deserve good things and gifts like that always come with strings attached.”

“So Will thinks that if we help buy the staff we’re going to ask him to do something that he might not want to do but will feel he has to because we bought him the staff?” El asked in one great big rush.

“Unfortunately, yes,” Eddie said. “Do I think you’d hold it against him? No. But...”

“But when it’s all you know it’s hard to see there is a problem,” Mike muttered looking at his shoes, remembering what had happened only hours before.

Eddie’s expression softened. “The very like.” He gave them a group hug. “Besides Steve’s got it covered.”

Mike and El stepped back, confusion back on their faces.

“What do you mean?”

Eddie huffed out a laugh. “If the staff is still there on Saturday, Steve going to suddenly have ten extra dollars from Joyce that she gave him for Will’s meals that he didn’t end up spending because Will eats like a bird.”

El frowned. “But that would be a lie and friends don’t lie.”

Eddie shrugged. “Is it a lie or is it Steve stretching the truth a little to help a friend. After all your friends have lied for you. Lying to you to make you feel better is something that isn’t going to hurt anything in the long run.”

“I don’t understand,” El said, tilting her head.

“It’s like you could tell Mike he looks hideous in yellow,” Eddie pointed out. “But he wears it because it’s your favorite color. Him wearing yellow isn’t hurting anyone and it’s sweet he’s wearing it for you. So if he asked how the yellow hat looks on him you would say what? That it looks awful or that you love it because you understand the intentions behind it?”

El blinked. “You’re right. Thank you!”

Eddie smiled and began walking back to the table.

Mike started hurrying after him. “But I don’t look hideous in yellow, right? Right, Eddie?”

Eddie just kept walking with his smile turning into a feral grin.

****

Steve smiled at Eddie when he sat back down next to him. He bumped him with his shoulder. “If I’m the mom, you’re their dad.”

Eddie turned bright red and shoved his hair in front of his face. “Shut it.”

Steve bumped their shoulders together. “I think between the two of us we form one half-way decent parental figure.”

Eddie smiled that closed lipped dimpled smile that Steve loved so damn much and he couldn’t help but smile back.

Holy shit was this crush getting wildly out of hand. He just wanted kiss those dimples so, so much.

Across from them Mike raised an eyebrow. He looked between the two older boys and after a moment he made the connection. He thought about it for a moment and decided it wasn’t any of his business as long Steve didn’t take over their DnD time.

And considering how well Steve respected that time as friends with Eddie, he really didn’t think dating would change all that much. Just the level of PDA they would show would change.

Mike continued to watch them to see if they were a couple and hiding it or if they hadn’t gotten there yet.

His consensus? Hell if he knew, to be honest.

But better Eddie than Nancy at this point was all he was going to say on the matter.

They finally were all done with their food and they all split off again. He watched Steve and Eddie go off together and shook his head.

Will tilted his head. “What’s up?”

Mike knew what Will was. Had done for ages now. He just smiled at his best friend. “I haven’t held much stock in there being one person for you in all the world, but you know sometimes you see two people together and just think ‘yeah, I couldn’t see them with anyone else,’ you know?”

Will looked in the direction Steve and Eddie were walking away and nodded. “Yeah, I think I do.”

****

While there wasn’t much to do the kids still came home that night filled with tales of wonder and amazement.

But later that night Will came and knocked on Jonathan’s door.

Jonathan pulled off his headphones and motioned him in.

“Hey, what’s up?” he asked as Will hesitantly stepped into the room.

Will sat gingerly on the bed. “How well do you know Steve?”

Jonathan sighed. “Probably not as well as I should. He was around in the outside of my circle and then we’d only really see each other when the world was ending. Why? What’s up?”

Will twisted his fingers nervously. “What would you say the possibility was of him liking guys?

That brought up Jonathan short. Sure there was a chance that Will was just projecting his hopes for Mike onto the older boy, but this was Will and his little brother was far too perceptive for his own good.

So he gave it some real thought. All the times he saw Steve in high school and around town. All the times they interacted to help save the world. And he was starting get a picture.

Jonathan shrugged. “I suppose it’s possible. It’s hard to tell admiring glances from signs of attraction.”

Will cocked his head to the side. “I don’t know what that means.”

“Would you say Max or Robin were pretty?” Jonathan asked scooting over on the bed to sit next to Will.

Will shrugged back. “I mean, I guess. My friends are attracted to them so they must be.”

“Right,” Jonathan agreed. “Is Mike good looking?”

Will snorted. “Not really, maybe when he’s gotten past the awkward giraffe stage. Steve though...” He ducked his head and blushed.

Jonathan laughed. “Fair enough. I’m not attracted to guys and even I know that Steve is hot.”

“So attraction is more than looks?” Will asked. “Like you can find someone of the opposite that you’re attracted to good looking, but you wouldn’t want to date them or have sex with them?”

Jonathan nodded. “So while it’s possible Steve could be attracted to guys, I really couldn’t be the judge of that. Why do you ask?”

“I think even Mike picked up on Steve and Eddie’s flirting today,” Will muttered.

Jonathan’s eyebrows really did shoot up on that one. If Mike picked up that Steve was flirting with Eddie...

But then again... actually.

“That makes more sense then you realize,” he told Will slowly.

Will straightened up. “What do you mean?” He was really getting tired of asking that phrase at the moment.

“Who would know more about what Steve’s flirting looks like from the outside,” Jonathan said, “then someone who witnessed it with his own sister.”

“Oh. Nancy. Yeah, you’re right that does make sense.” Will blinked away his confusion.

Jonathan smiled. “So did you get the answer you were looking for?”

Will thought for a moment. “I think so. I mean Robin and Eddie have come out to us, but Steve hasn’t.” He paused for a moment. “Though, I think that Steve may have hinted it to me earlier. I told him that I thought Eddie might like him back, but I don’t know if that was enough, you know? For him to come out, I mean.”

“It could be that Steve hasn’t figured it out fully himself,” Jonathan said with a huff of laughter. “Like he might know he has feelings for Eddie, but not what those feelings mean.”

Will nodded. “Thanks, Jonathan. I’ll let you get back to your music.”

“Oh shit!” Jonathan scrambled to stop the tape. He sighed when he realized it was near the end of it. He hit rewind and looked back at Will shaking his head fondly.

“I think you need to lay off the weed, dude,” Will said, getting to his feet.

“Never!” Jonathan shouted after him, but Will had already slammed the door behind him.

****

Mike was lying on his bed looking up at the ceiling. Unlike what he knew was happening in friends houses’, the near constant talking about how awesome their day was, Mike had made an excuse that he was just tired, that he did have fun and couldn’t wait for tomorrow.

In the dark comfort of his own room, he knew they weren’t lies. Not really. He was all three of those things, but he also had a lot on his mind.

Racism and homophobia. He remembered all the awful things he had thrown at Will. All the things he said to Lucas.

He knew his parents were conservative. Whatever the hell that really meant. But they weren’t bad people. His mom had never tried to tell him not to be friends with Lucas or that gay people were evil.

But all the little things were starting to add up. Gay men deserved to die because the disease didn’t affect anyone else and they just weren’t the effort.

But he thought about Will and Eddie. And yeah, maybe Steve, too. Did they really deserve to die just because of how they had sex? That didn’t sit well with Mike. It made his stomach turn uneasily.

Dustin had been right about the Vulcans, they were of different colors, too. So why couldn’t elves? Why were the Drow evil? Was that racism, too? Plus did it even matter?

Almost all the campaigns Mike had been in were what the game makers called home-brew.

Yes, they used the game as the framework, but then colored outside of the lines all the time.

After all, Vecna was just a lore character where only the dude’s hand and eye were left out in the world. But Eddie had taken that lore and turned it into an amazing story.

He got ready for bed and laid back down. He stared up at his ceiling again. He had been a bad friend for years. Ever since El came into their lives, she was his only focus. It was a god damn miracle that they hadn’t thrown him off before now.

There must be something that they still liked. He would just have to figure out what it was and lean into that.

And with that, Mike drifted off to sleep as tried to figure out ways to keep his friends.

****

Part 7 Part 8 Part 9 Part 10 Part 11 Part 12 Part 13

Tag List: @spectrum-spectre @estrellami-1 @zerokrox-blog @gregre369 ​@a-little-unsteddie @chaosgremlinmunson @messrs-weasley @chaoticlovingdreamer @customization @danili666 @goodolefashionedloverboi @val-from-lawrence @i-must-potato @carlyv @wonderland-girl143-blog @justforthedead89 @vecnuthy @irregular-child @bookbinderbitch @bookworm0690 @anne-bennett-cosplayer @yikes-a-bee @awkwardgravity1 @littlewildflowerkitten @genderless-spoon @cinnamon-mushroomabomination @dragonmama76 @scheodingers-muppet @ellietheasexylibrarian @thedragonsaunt @useless-nb-bisexual @thespaceantwhowrites @paintgonewrong @mogami13 @beelze-the-bubkiss @croatoan-like-its-hot @retro-vagabond @sani-86 @pansexuality-activated @y4r3luv @dauntlessdiva @vampire-eddie-brain-rot

[aziraphales-library]

Hello, lovely admins! I've gotten the itch for fics where Aziraphale becomes a fallen angel, I don't know why, but I do. Any recommendations? Pls and thank you 💙💙

We have a #fallen angel aziraphale tag you can check out. Here are some post-series two fics in which Aziraphale falls to add to the collection...

Aziraphale Come Down by TheNapoleonOfCrime (T)

Crowley stared at the television with wide eyes, dropping the drink he held right on the floor and causing it to shatter. He watched the video that had been captured of the angel, his angel, Aziraphale, walk through the busy roads like nothing. Aziraphale, his friend who he always knew to be cautious, to be perfect, walking around as if he was drunk. And his wings, what had happened to them? What had they done to him? Without another thought, Crowley ran out of the bar he had been so comfortably situated in. “Angel-!”

If You Don't Recognize Yourself (That Means You Did It Right) by Lem00nOak (T)

Aziraphale is Supreme Archangel, he's where he is meant to be, where he can make a difference, a change. Or is he? A story about betrayal, falling, self-hatred and acceptance with a sprinkle of love +*+*+* Or my prediction for Season 3

when my time comes around (lay me gently in the cold, dark earth) by fluffy_miracle (E)

After a millennium of service to Heaven as the Supreme Archangel, in the midst of a troubled time for Heaven, the most unexpected occurrence happens to Aziraphale. He Falls. And Hell is somehow there to pick up the pieces with a lot of familiar faces and an unusually kind Ruler of Darkness at the helm. Hell is transformed from the terrible place Aziraphale had known it to be-- and so it becomes the place where he gets one more chance to start over and finally let himself be just Aziraphale-- nobody with no allegiance to anything-- except maybe Crowley. But Crowley isn't available, not like he used to be, and the new fallen angel has to learn to deal with himself, and heal, before they can meet again properly. Even if he has missed him desperately after all this time. Especially since he no longer has to be God's strongest soldier anymore...

Bad Omen by lavender_mo0n (T)

There is a common misconception that owls are a bad omen, a warning sign for death and destruction that is to come. On the contrary, a better way to describe it is to say that they are a symbol of change. That change may come in the form of death, but perhaps that is more in reference to the death of life as we know it.

No Light, No Light by PolarisVega (T)

Aziraphale left his life on Earth behind to take the job as the new Supreme Archangel of Heaven. Delighted to be welcomed back and to have finally earned the respect of Heaven, Aziraphale is doing as much Good as he can from the inside. But when Heaven's plans for the second coming of the Apocalypse are revealed. The consequences of his choices, past and present, are greater than he ever imagined.

Grip Me Tight and Raise Me From Perdition by LyricalKris (M)

It was a trap. Of course, it was a trap. The Metatron had been counting Aziraphale’s sins since that first lie in Eden. If ever an angel deserved to be a demon, it was this one. Trouble was, the only one who knew how to turn an angel into a demon was God, and She hadn’t been around lately. But that wouldn’t stop Hell from trying, now would it? Not every day they got their hands on a powerless, fallen angel. And bonus, nobody knew where he was, so there would be no interruptions from filthy, red-haired and yet overprotective traitors. Trapped in a pitch-black, super-heated room in a deep pit of Hell, a tormented, abandoned angel prayed to a demon who was too angry and heartbroken to listen.

- Mod D

[homielander]

i am still extremely frustrated that "supporting rhaenyra = feminism" is the depth of the hotd writers' understanding on the subject. rhaenyra has not done a thing for other women apart from useless posturing ("when i am queen i will create a new order" and then denying baela driftmark at first opportunity) whereas alicent has actively stuck her neck out for other women -- by defending rhaenyra's claim to her father, other nobles, and even a doubtful viserys, all at the detriment of her own position; by convincing viserys that rhaenyra should be able to marry whomever she chooses; and by offering rhaenys and her granddaughters driftmark. i'm not delusional enough to label alicent a feminist but i would argue she comes much closer to being one than rhaenyra and rhaenys, who have done nothing but wallow in self-pity (actually rhaenys has done far worse) despite having a much greater capacity to enact change.

my question is, why should alicent support rhaenyra? before the time jump, alicent marrying viserys left the two estranged for years, and when they were on the verge of reconciliation, rhaenyra convinced alicent of a lie that got otto (her only remaining family member) sent away, leaving alicent alone at court without even the courtesy of a heads-up from her husband or former friend. after the time jump, rhaenyra only broached the idea of a marriage alliance as a last resort. she suggested torturing alicent's freshly-mutilated son and actively tried to implicate alicent in high treason. i can almost certainly say rhaenyra never said sorry for anything over the 10-year and 6-year time jumps considering alicent folded in like 30 seconds at the dinner when rhaenyra finally apologized and deigned to acknowledge that alicent was singlehandedly managing both the realm and viserys while she was off in dragonstone doing whatever.

(also, alicent's offences towards rhaenyra don't compare in my opinion -- the show made it pretty clear that alicent talking about the dubious parentage of rhaenyra's first three children was confined to closed doors, alicent never asked criston (and seriously, the courtyard incident is very much on harwin too) or larys to do what they did, and rhaenyra was the one to lend the bastard allegations credence by admitting them aloud in a room full of nobles at driftmark. alicent wasn't the source of those rumours by any means. "everyone knows. just look at them." of course there's the vaemond hearing but that comes after everything above ^)

all that being said, i honestly don't see why the contrived prophecy nonsense was necessary. i think alicent very well could have had an arc of personal empowerment where she decided after viserys's death to finally put her family and herself first, even if that came at the expense of rhaenyra and her claim. "have you ever imagined yourself on the iron throne" is a neat line and all, but it ignores that the only way a woman like alicent feasibly could have seized power is by putting her son (an actual claimant) forward as the successor. (after all, both f&b and hotd make it pretty clear that if not for the war, aegon would have been king in name only with alicent and otto ruling in his stead.) and we can't ignore that rhaenyra has never actually done anything to help secure other women's succession, so alicent wouldn't be making these moves to diminish women in general -- just rhaenyra.

of course you can have a conversation about how alicent working against the first female heir is a negative for women as a whole, but the point is it wouldn't be alicent's intention to work against women, just as it isn't rhaenyra's intention to work for them. i think there was a lot of potential for an interesting story here -- two women securing power only for themselves, but one operates within the system and one operates entirely outside of it -- but that obviously requires more nuance than the hotd writers were willing to allow either side. instead we get margaret thatcher effectively utilizing girlpower and the perpetual victim who's shown being sexually assaulted twice on screen as a punishment for not being able to bust out of her own prison with the dragon she doesn't have.

[apollos-boyfriend]

cellbit's books to the ones he cares for: translations

forever

page 1: forever, i don't even know how you must be thinking of me now. if everything has gone to plan, things must have been so weird that you've already started to suspect my infiltration plans. i believe that you're very intelligent.

page 2: the past few days have been a torture greater than i could ever imagine. what the census bureau did to me with that chainsaw couldn't compare to the pain to having to fight and lie every day to the people closest to me. feeling the deception hurts.

page 3: but it was the only way. the initial plan as to surprise you and the census bureau during the trial, but the vivo meme gave me the perfect opportunity to make a scene and make it look like i had some sort of motive to argue.

page 4: the census bureau doesn't understand feelings and wants too well, so this would be sufficient for it to believe my motives. it worked. i've never been so alone, but seeing you take up leadership and fighting so ferociously left me-

page 5: proud. everything is so much more difficult than i thought, but this was the only way for us to get any type of real information. after all this effort, all this fighting, all these enigmas, we still haven't found ANYTHING out about the federation. nothing.

page 6: i hope to be able to be there with you to explain this in person, but if you're reading this book, something probably went wrong. i was made to do things that i never would've done, and made to say things i never would've said.

page 7: and even trying to be apparent about my lies, even trying to make you guys suspect me, in the end, my plan . . . still went bad. and i know that probably no one on this island would trust me again. i burned all my bridges. but it was the only way.

page 8: i left a book to richarlyson in the beginning of it all, i didn't want him to have his heart broken, and maybe that was my biggest failure. but i was willing to sacrifice EVERYTHING to get this egg off this island. everything. and that's what i did.

page 9: tell bad i'm sorry for the things i said about dapper, to max about sofia, and to the french for the suspicion. i'm sorry for what i did to your XP farm, i know how long you and richas worked on it and every spawner that i broke was a-

page 10: stab to my heart. honestly, i think that they were already going to break it because it was SUPER broken [op] . . . but they made ME break it . . . to test if i was really willing to do anything for the federation.

page 11: tomorrow is the day that i'll officially become a part of the federation. it's my "initiation process". we'll finally going to have new information. i'm VERY anxious . . . and nervous.

page 12: i did all of this for richarlyson. i did all of this for felps. i did all of this for the ordem. i did all of this for you guys. i hope that it'll have been worth it.

page 13: explain to bad, to max and to quackity. and tell foolish that he's a gem of a person. sofia's new password is "Regret". and if those federation sons of bitches make the error of letting me live . . .

page 14: i will come back. keep your eyes open, forever.

tazercraft

page 1: gentlemen, i know that our past isn't the best one. i know that you guys must believe that i've turned into that monster again. but that man is no longer me. cell died on that island. i'm not him.

page 2: i missed you two dearly, and wanted to be able to play more rounds of hide-and-seek, and trying to organize an EGG GYMKHANA with you guys in chume labs. i'm sorry for not having been able to. i love you both, and you're amazing parents for richas, too.

page 3: he loves spending time with you both, even if the two of you are stupid*, i think that no one enternains him more than tazer and craft. at least i won't have to take the red wool again.

*used endearingly

page 4: take care of yourselves, guys. and explode this census bureau bitch. yuo guys already took down herobrine, this shitty bear is nothing.

richarlyson

page 1: richas, i tried my best. i'm sorry, son. i just wanted to get you away from this island. this place isn't safe, and the federation won't let us leave here. when i arrived in this place, i never-

page 2: thought that i would have to take care of someone . . . but what you've become was so much bigger than this. i'm sorry for not being able to be there all the time. every neuron that i burned with those cursed enigmas, all those hours that i spend locked up in that office . . .

page 3: it was all for you, richarlyson.

page 4: continue to trust in your daddies forever, pac, and mike . . . and if in any way i've managed to bring him back, in daddy felps, too. nevertheless, your dad quackity really toes love you and wants to protect you. i suspected him at the start, but i've heard the truth in your voice.

page 5: if i'm no longer here . . . daddy quackity now has my 20%, okay? i'm sorry if i've ever made you feel alone in any way. remember when i told you of a moment in my life that i felt completely alone?

page 6: solitude is worse than any prison. worse than what i went through with daddies pac and mike, and worse than this island. i'm sorry for having you suffer this, too. it's my biggest regret.

page 7: i love you, you big-headed* egg. see if you can learn to catch something that's not crabs. immortalyson forever.

*term of endearment, tends to equate to "stubbornly stupid"

bonus:

the book cellbit gave to richarlyson before being attacked by the codes

page 1: i need for[the federation] to trust me. it's the only way. i love you. i love dad forever. i need that [the players] believe the contrary. it's going to hurt, and i'm going to do terrible things. but i will-

page 2: destroy [the federation] from the inside. all of them.

additionally, he left a book for roier, however forever did not open it/read it out to respect their privacy. cellbit titled it "guapito"

[estrophore]

Signalis Post (barely coherent thought vomit)

So I finished signalis on Monday and i think ive just about recovered enough for me to make a gush post about it on tumblr dot com, which i think i have to do cause i dont think any other game has really hit me as hard as this one. Spoilers obvs.

Being pre-transion, with that associated depression and closing off from oneself, ive always found it difficult to get out my feelings, even in private with just myself, and yet signalis has filled me throughout with its beautiful romantic melancholy and left me genuinely sobbing for the gay robot and her space girlfriend (almost worried that if id played this game on estrogen it might actually have just killed me on the spot). the only other times i can think of where i really cried were playing We Know The Devil near the beginning of the year, which really fkin hit the part of me that struggles to accept myself, and that time i rewatched the last episode of she-ra after reading the ‘Word War Etheria’ fanfic, which brings the characters so much more to life i fell for them all over again.

Signalis is a game that calls back to a lot of classic horror like resident evil and silent hill, which i havent got round to playing any of yet, but i think nostalgia works both ways sometimes and i’ll be playing them sooner now. sometimes horror gets stereotyped as all death and violence, some games fill themselves with skulls and corpses, and big ugly monsters and basically shout ‘DEATH!’ in your face repeatedly and it all just comes off as a bit garish and ridiculous and not actually very scary really. Signalis sits at the other end of that scale (with some of my other fav horror games like soma, cry of fear) where its environs are most usually just… quiet. Still. Muffled. Sad. just as often as theres tension or creeping fear because of this i find theres a strange kind of comfort too. Maybe its just that in most other genres of games theres so much of music, UI elements, pickups and interactibles with vibrant design. Here, theres room for your mind to just occupy the space. A soft fog. A dimly lit room. An empty train. Snow out a window. Liminal spaces that dont expect anything from you.

Signalis is a game thats just simply, unapologetically gay, and i dont think i would have been quite so invested in Elster and Ariane’s relationship if they were a straight couple. Its why representation is important, if art’s way for us to explore our emotions then its important to have media that we can relate to. Even Adler’s role isnt typically masculine. Our replika characters are manufactured, designed for certain roles in the base. Notes from the tough Stars and Storchs in the shooting range, the dollish Eules with the fairy lights and music player in the dorm. I couldnt help but think of groups of Eules sat around chatting, together, and im yearning for that feeling of togetherness, of understanding a friend that closely. I somehow missed the couple in the mineshaft (next playthough, ill find you v_v ). Despite the harshness of life in the Eusan nation (especially for the gestalts) the characters in it are defined by their feelings of belonging and hope. With the obvious parallels to east germany, i think of posters of cosmonauts and space travel from the time. Propaganda, sure but also made with the genuine belief in something greater. When the events of the game take this away, well, we find the last Kolibri, whod rather lose herself than lose her [ah. Im not sure theres a word here to properly describe the relationship they embody]. Its a game defined by loneliness.

We dont lie up at night scared by some corrupted android. We arent stuck with horror at the flesh everywhere, not on its own. We lie awake thinking about Elster and Ariane’s love for each other, the horror of their decline, the futility of trying to hold on forever. Its existential horror done perfectly. It shows an ending postponed and stretched far beyond its limits, and so squarely reminds you that you do, in fact, have to die one day. You’ll break down. One day you’ll say your last words to the people you love and you wont even know you have. Ariane’s final few diaries arrive with the full force of the narrative behind it, like a spear through my heart. For the record, I got the promise ending. Im still sad. It's a game about raging desperately against an unfair ending. I might think about this game for the rest of my life. I would sincerely say its an artistic masterpiece, by the sure definition of video games as art.

I like that the story leaves a lot open and abstract. I think it makes the emotional themes takes centre stage more. And i havent had nearly enough time to sift through it and come up with my own takes, we’ll need a few more playthroughs for that. And theres so much more to say that cant go in just these few paragraphs! Signalis is a game about two girls who had to run away from everything to find someone they belonged with. The universe may be cold and bleak, but you have to try, you might just find something beautiful, even if it doesnt last forever. I think if anything, we should all have the chance to find love and happiness like that, and we shouldnt have abandon a world that doesnt work for us to do it.

[dozing-marshmallow]

Hi :3 I read your Ezekiel x reader and I was sooo happy! I wanted to ask if you could do a second part to the Ezekiel x yandere reader xP thank you and your writing is soooooo good!!!!!

Hiyaaa!💗 Thank you so much for complimenting my writing! I’m so happy to hear you enjoyed the first Ezekiel x reader! I hope you enjoy this part two!❤️

EZEKIEL X YANDERE! HOUSEWIFE! READER HEADCANONS (PART 2)

Married life was magical when you got the love of your life to think the same of you in his life.

Getting to fold all the clothes you bought for yourselves, wash and iron, drowning your nostrils in his scent.

That enchanting scent.

You keep all the hair you find of his whenever you’re changing the bedsheets or vacuuming the floors.

You devote an area of the bedroom to a shrine crafted for him, including your wedding dress and his groom suit.

You have to be selfish sometimes.

Every time he comes back home, you press your lips all over him.

Every dinner is made in accordance to what he craved for that day or week, and you always found a way to make the food spell out his name or outline his face.

You play love songs in the background. To make it more romantic, you tried burning incense once however when Ezekiel began coughing and his eyes went watery, you disposed of it right away to never use again.

For the first few days of living together, you brushed his teeth for him after being alerted that Ezekiel had no clue which direction he was meant to follow for cleaning teeth.

So you happily took it upon yourself to enforce the importance of hygiene.

Bubble baths everyday.

In turn, you got to drink his bathwater and lick his deodorant.

Lemony...

Nonetheless, you take care of his shaving for him, that being marked for.

Every evening, you would also renew your wedding vows.

"Holmes I can't lie to you...” he stretches his arms up,“But I'm a bit wiped out today. Do' think we can skip the vows today and have din dins early?"

"Skip vows today?” you gasp, couldn’t believe what you were hearing,“How do you expect me to stay sane if we skip vows any day? You know how much this means to me darling! Please? I feel terrible for asking anything of you, but can you pull through? I promise I’ll make a larger portion of supper tonight!"

Every evening.

All walls in that house is occupied by at least ten picture frames of Ezekiel.

He frequently wonders what you do for a living, since surely housekeeping wasn’t hectic enough for you to take care of majority of the bills and vacations.

“It’s nothing for you to worry about my love.” you assure him, giving him a kiss on the cheek.

Any day, anniversary or birthday, you arrange getaways at the expensive tourist destinations like Dubai, United States, Brazil, Kenya, Australia, England at the best hotels and best plane seats.

Whenever he falls ill, you refuse to let him do anything and confine him to the marriage bed.

At moment’s command, you are right there.

Heating pad, tissues, soup, vomit bucket, ice cream, cold water.

Ezekiel actually didn’t know what hospitals were, making him more reliant on you- or how you called it, bonding.

Knew that nursing course would pay off!

You loved being the only one he could really depend on.

But it feels that something’s missing.

Nothing about possessions or housing. You had done everything. But it’s something. Something greater than money.

It became clearer with every single turning down of Ezekiel’s suggestion about inviting his family over or going on a day trip to visit them, the one thing you refuse to grant him.

Family.

Of course. It was the thing bumping this wistful pacemaker in his behaviour.

Ezekiel... Your darling...he’s lonely.

You were both bound to be maternally and paternally deprived eventually. How you wished you were like him, whose came later.

It’s for his own good. A man and a woman is supposed to vacate their parents. Staying in touch with them would only have him getting used to seeing them and depending on them which would be more painful in the long run when they die.

Maybe now was the time to take their places, and conceive what would plant both the McLean and Miller family trees forward to see another generation.

Now?

You blush at the thought.

“I’m not so sure, bird...” your darling husband scratches the back of his neck, “When I was growing up back on the farm, my daddio was also here to raise me. If I have to go out being a rockstar everyday, the little ones might not know who their dad is. Besides, a man is needed around to raise strong children. Even the gal ones.”

“We can take turns!” you involuntarily latch yourself on top of him.

Ezekiel still hasn’t gotten used to this form of treatment, but trusts you enough to allow it,“My ma said pregnancy changed her life, eh?”

“How mine’s changed before it!” you adoringly play with a strand of his brown hair,“When I first saw you, my soul felt complete and my void was no more. I had never felt love stronger than you and now, I physically can’t survive without you.”

“Poetic, eh?” he gruffly laughs, your feelings going over him,“Not sure if that’d help in parenting, yo. Don’t wanna accidentally teach the girls it’s their world to be yappin’ in.”

Your response is a placid remark of your own femininity,“How beautiful my body is.“ an old nursery rhyme wraps your words,“Two loonies make a toonie, now aren’t I a scholar?”

Sleep well while you can, husband!

[marshmallowprotection]

ive been thinking about this for a while, of if saeyoung mightve reacted differently if he didnt see saeran at the apartment. im sure he would have still been a bit stand offish, but at the same time more.. lighthearted? im not sure! id love to hear your thoughts though!

Hm... you know what, I've never considered this before.

What I mean to say is that if his brother isn't there, he's not going to have any idea as to what's being done behind the scenes. The entire reason why his world is shaken and why he reacts the way he does in the apartment is because the hacker is his brother.

That realization is what sends him on a TOTAL downward spiral to stop trusting those he's always trusted and see the world for what it is. A place where people are willing to lie to him in the name of what they think is the greater good.

His faith is broken, and the only one who’s able to pull him out of that place is you. You and your unwavering kindness are what help him believe it's not the end of the world even if it feels that way. He would not be forced to have a reckoning with himself if his brother wasn't revealed in that instance. It's hard for me to imagine how he would be in that situation.

Because, I JUST can't see Saeran not doing anything at that exact moment because he's the one who decided to go ahead and raid the apartment. That was his decision, not something Rika made for him, as shown in the VNM just before he leaves Magenta.

He wants to do everything in his power to take his brother down, and when he sees an opportunity to do it, he does it without a second thought. So, it's hard for me to rationalize a situation where he doesn't decide to raid the apartment to kidnap the player. But, on the off chance that he didn't initially invade the apartment, it's possible that he would change tactics and try to lock his brother and the player inside instead.

I don't know if he would consider remote detonation but maybe that could be something that comes up along the line.

I know this has nothing to do with what you asked, but I can't help but speculate. He wouldn't be able to ignore his brother being a real sitting duck in that situation. I just don't know what he would do differently if he didn't try to bust in through the window, but I can't see him leaving well enough alone. It's not something where he can ignore the itch.

The desire to get rid of his brother is strong and it's not something he can ignore. He can't ignore it because it's constantly buzzing in the back of his head no matter how much he wants to shake it off. The world would be a better place without the person who caused him to suffer like this and become apathetic, that's what he feels, so he's not going to ignore it regardless of how this plays out.

In regards to Saeyoung, yes, there will be a different response until I discern how the hell Unknown attacks.

The reason why he pushes you away in the first place is because he realizes that being close to him is a death sentence. His brother was put into unspeakable horror because of a choice he made, and he can't stomach the idea of that happening to you, too. But, if he is not pressed with that realization right away, sure, he might push you away for the sake of your safety, but I can't see him being as standoffish.

He hasn't been pushed into a corner with the trauma response we usually see, so what he does will not align with what you're used to seeing canonically.

There's already a little line between the two of you as you get closer, and it's one he tries not to think about because he wants to enjoy the moment. Even as you get closer to him at the beginning of the route, he doesn't hide that he can't get close to other people, but he keeps pushing that away since you make him feel alive. I think the two of you would dance between what's safe and what is it if he isn't having an existential crisis. You push his buttons, he pushes yours, and ultimately, it will culminate in a mess when the apartment goes to hell since I think it will do that no matter what.

This has to end in Unknown revealing himself. I don't know where, I don't know how, but it has to happen.

Or, maybe it doesn't have to happen at the apartment, maybe you may get to the end of the cycle and he reveals himself at the party. That would be an interesting turn of events. For you to be able to get close to Saeyoung without the expected path, only to have the party blow up in its face and him not only need to deal with the agency but with Mint Eye as well... is this me just excited at the idea of Unknown crashing the party in a fun outfit?

Yeah, but hey, you get something out of this, too.

Enjoying a slow dance with Saeyoung, dancing dangerously close to something romantic, only for a bomb to go off at the front of the gallery hall, not to endure anybody, but to draw attention to the one and only hacker. 

[jaw-writes]

I Despise You Darling

I despise everything about you. Your endless void eyes, freakishly long legs, ever smug smile, deceptively soft touch, strangely floral scent. All of it. You attack each of my senses every time you come near me. To think that we were once best friends, I had more faith in you than anyone, whenever I needed advice or a shoulder to cry on, I went to you first. You meant the world to me; it makes me feel sick whenever I remember how the girl I loved was a lie 

You betrayed me, your best friend, in the name of a grotesque experiment where I’m the lab rat. There’s no doubt that you started the fire that continues to burn my life, but I can’t deny that I’ve enjoyed pouring the gasoline. At first, I did my best to avoid becoming obsessed with you, constantly holding myself back knowing it was wrong, but you made it impossible. Your mind is a carefully curated garden brimming with all sorts of life. As each day went by, I wanted to pick another flower from it, feel another blade of grass, and bask in its intrigue. 

I learned so much about you through observation, that I never could as your friend. Last year when I found out that you’d been stalking me, I had no idea why you’d do such a thing, now I understand. If watching me gave you a quarter of the feelings I get from watching you, then I’d almost forgive your actions. Gazing at your life through an analytical lens elicits feelings in me I didn’t know existed. It’s almost impossible to describe the manic rush of joy and power I get. 

Although, I think we enjoy it in different ways based on how we view each other. To you I’m your favorite seed in your garden, you want to watch me grow into your ideal tree. So, you take what you know about how I function, and combine it with your understanding of the world to make a compost for me. As brutal as the water you drown me in and the harsh sun you scorch me with is, it’s all part of your method to make me grow. I am a creation you live to see reach its full potential.  

To me, you’re the opposite, a malicious computer program that I enjoy watching destroy itself. You have never felt an ounce of empathy and have always needed to control any device you encounter. Once you find a target, you infect them with your virus, mining every piece of their data, and adding them to your collection of stolen lives. You successfully did it to me, but unlike the others, you kept going. Focusing on my activity far after you were done stealing from me, constantly coming back to see how I’d adapt to a new trojan horse you threw.  

Soon, I became the only user you engaged with, no other piece of tech mattered unless it was connected to me, and God, did seeing you like that feed my ego. A smile forces its way to my face at your meticulous plans growing in detail and intensity as you can’t focus on anything else. I, a random individual with nothing but a hint of illness to him, is who you put all your resources into. I’m unable to fear you anymore, while I gaze at you practically living for me. In your efforts to crumble and rebuild my life. You’ve made yourself incapable of having your own.  

Both of us have embraced the worst aspects of ourselves through the sick experiments we’ve been running on each other. You may be the greater evil between us, but I’m no longer afraid to admit that I’ve become a devil myself. I mean, I lured you into an abandoned warehouse, called upon one of my allies to help me fight you, and then shot you ceaselessly, making sure it was in areas that would maim, but not kill you. Now why would I do that? To make you paralyzed, of course. I was incredibly particular about where I aimed.  

You’ll be unable to move your limbs for at least four months, which invigorates me. I’ve been watching you and your caretaker. It’s great seeing both your arms and legs in casts. You had already been losing your strength to your fixation on me, but now you’ll be incapable of running away. If you find yourself fearing me right now, know that whatever happens next is your fault. I’m not the Anti-Christ, so I’ll simply enjoy observing your lack of mobility, with no further harm, but prepare yourself because the moment you can walk, I’ll be waiting.  

Unless I’m lying like you always lied to me, and I’ll strike once one of your limbs heal. Maybe I’ll be tracking you even more and will be able to tell if you’re pretending that you haven’t healed so I don’t hurt you sooner. Maybe I won’t even wait for when your body starts recovering, and you’ll wake up to me standing over your bed with my hands on your neck. I know how much you like analyzing and picking out patterns with me, so I’ll make sure you never know what to expect. I could be bluffing, and this is all to scare you off, so I’ll be done with you, you’ll never know. 

Are you starting to regret choosing me for this? Does the thought that you’ve grown a deadly poison plant out of your control kill you? Or are you loving this as much as I am, and you want to rub yourself all over me to get a blistering rash? I think it’s a mix of both for you, but who am I to say, it’s not like I’ve been watching your every move, right? No matter what you feel, just remember, I despise you, darling. 

[jorisjurgen]

The Crepin-Lore Manifesto.

Part 1: The Background

It is the end of the semester, and I have assignments due, finals to get ready for... So, obviously, I wrote the longest trio of posts in my blog's entire history.

In this little (lol) character analysis/information compilation, I will try to show you that:

1. That something really indescribably weird/evil is going on with Kerubim Crepin and Atcham Crepin's history, because really, we don't know a lot about their childhood, but what we do know, doesn't paint a pretty picture.

2. They are very fascinating characters, especially Atcham, and their story is underappreciated, or entirely unknown in the greater fandom.

Besides that, I also to make some obscure info, from side-media, more accessible.

However, this part of the analysis will be about common misconceptions and background information that will inform the rest of the analysis.

"Are they really full-on brothers?"

When I was rewatching Wakfu last year, I asked this, since I hadn't really thought about it.

The answers I got were very... diverse, and more confusing than anything. Most wikis listed them as "brothers or half-brothers", which added to the confusion.

However, 3-4 rewatches of Dofus + getting deep into the franchise later, and I know the answer.

Yes. They are full brothers, without any ambiguity on the question.

They share both a father - God Ecaflip, and a mother - an unknown mortal woman who's last name was Crepin.

Atcham's full name is Atcham Crepin. He does not contest it, and Dardondakal has no reason to lie.

And, as a second, slightly more ambiguous piece of evidence, Kerubim implies here that he and Atcham come from a different litter than Ush. Litter being a word that describes a group of kittens born to the same mother, at the same time.

Because Kerubim talks of his past life in the Dofus MMO, we know that ecaflip demigods keep their memories of past lives, so it is his first-hand knowledge, and not something that was told to him.

[Dofus MMO - Quest: Du rire en barre / Laughing Matter]

(Both original and translated dialogue, for posterity.)

(So, yeah, cough-cough. Kerubim and Atcham are, pretty much, all but confirmed to be fraternal twins. Just like Flopin and Eleley.)

"Twins... Are you sure that God Ecaflip didn't just have multiple kids with one woman?"

This is certainly a possibility, especially with Atcham repeatedly calling Kerubim his older brother... Perhaps the litter line is more figurative.

However... It would be pretty out of character for Ecaflip, with the information we have from Wakfu Raiders.

...Listen, I knooow, It's a discontinued mobile game, but you have to understand, it's the only thing we have to judge Ecaflip's treatment of his lovers, ok?

The important thing is that he doesn't seem to care about them, after he's done. Neither does he seem to care about the demigods that result from his romantic exploits, when we look at his treatment of Yakusha, Atcham, and, yes, even Kerubim.

And even if he cared, he still wouldn't stick around. Mortals don't live long enough to get attached.

All of Ecaflip's love for Kerubim stems from one fact - he's entertaining to him.

His love is deep, but it's not parental. It doesn't depend on who his mother was, or if he's happy. It depends on the fact that Kerubim obeys him, serves him, is a good person and a hero, and takes any punishment or attention he gives him, while being fun to sometimes torture, test and play with.

Even if Ecaflip's treatment of him is horrifying, he can't help but be proud of it himself. Especially when this tough love had taught him some things.

But, despite the sugarcoating he applies to his feelings while raising Joris - because his son doesn't deserve the misfortune of knowing all that - it's pretty obvious that even though he loves Ecaflip back, not all of his feelings towards him are warm.

...But before any of that that, Kerubim was simply one of many orphan demigods without a home, a family, or a mother, about all of whom Ecaflip cared just as little.

It's pretty likely that he probably wouldn't even recall that woman's name.

"About the family - what about the time Kerubim said that he was the last Crepin in his family?"

Okay... Nobody would ask this. I am certainly THE only person on this planet who even cares. But, I do have an answer to this.

Anyway, here's a giant, seemingly-unrelated-at-first-glance tangent:

Kerubim Crepin, and the 30-40 instances of accidental Cluster B coding.

To preface this section, I am perfectly aware that it is a bit selfish, to shove my personal headcanons and interpretations of him having comorbid BPD and HPD, something that is entirely unintended by the writers, and simply my observation of his personality, into my analysis of lore post. And neither am I a psychologist.

However, even without these two headcanons, I cannot write this analysis without ever mentioning this - because I am going to be discussing his canonical, unhealthy behavior patterns, coping mechanisms, and emotional turmoil.

They all go unnamed, but they are present in the show, down to it's core. My headcanons are, at best, me putting a name to his struggles.

Kerubim Crepin struggles with being blind to other people's emotions, having very low cognitive empathy.

His emotions are intense to the point of dissociation. He often has wrong ideas of how close his relationships to people actually are.

Besides that, he's prone to impulsive behaviors that damage those already shaky relationships.

His defense mechanism is splitting, switching at a moment's notice between idealizing and devaluing someone.

It happens, in some ways, with pretty much everyone he loves.

And most importantly, Kerubim Crepin is terrified of being alone, of being abandoned.

His struggles are, no doubt, rooted fully in his childhood trauma, which I shall discuss in the next post. But until then, a very broad assessment of his mental health and personality issues is good to keep in mind.

Whether you agree with my headcanons or not - these are simply his character traits, which I had based said headcanons on - and, even without them, these facts are important facets to understanding him, no matter what you name them.

With this, I had finally established the foundation for the next part, where I will discuss the actual Childhood bits of his backstory, and get started on talking about Atcham.

...And yeah, the reason why he would say that he's the last Crepin, is because with how broken their relationship is - Atcham is dead to him, as much as he is dead to Atcham.

But where do all these issues, these struggles, and pains come from?

I will discuss that in the next part.

[PART 2]

[blackjackkent]

Interesting random little note found in the submersible on the way out, apparently left by Redhammer. (I guess Redhammer was supposed to have been along and piloting during that descent down to the Iron Throne and back, but he didn't say anything or have any involvement in the whole process. XD )

Eek. There are mephits trapped in the sub's engines to make it run?

Hector finds this a bit disquieting, like he did when he learned the pixie was powering the Moonlantern. It'd be nice if there was a way to let them out before we leave (now that we've done our business underwater there's much to be said for not leaving this a workable resource for Gortash), but I can't find one.

We also have a chance to talk with Omeluum, which of course we will do because Omeluum is a bro:

"Your world's air... I never imagined missing its feeling on my skin. Curious."

When they first met, Hector did not at all trust Omeluum and would have happily lashed out at it, given any cause. That was very early in his journey, and he is surprised to realize, yet again, that he has come quite a long way since those early days. While he often still feels overwhelmed and exhausted by everything he has gone through, there is a greater strength in him against the fear and doubt. His clarity of mind is strengthened by more experience.

He is still wary of Omeluum, but he has seen far more terrible things now and knows that Omeluum does not count among them anymore. For all its dangerous nature, Omeluum has never tried to convince him to transform, or to threaten him or any of his allies.

He finds himself drawing a curious, almost academic comparison in his mind between Omeluum and the Emperor - the two mind flayers he has had the opportunity to examine at close range. It is easy to think of illithids as a homogeneous, unvarying force, but the two of them are by no means the same, even physically - Omeluum's head is rounder, its skin more weathered and wrinkled; there's a less distinct gradation between its skin and the soft, pulsating tissue on the sides of its skull. Its eyes are pale gold compared to the Emperor's lavender. It looks older, slimmer, more intellectual in a strange way - unsurprising, perhaps, give its role in the Society of Brilliance.

Hector is reminded, abruptly, of drawing a similar mental comparison once in his youth, watching a conversation the abbot of the monastery at the time and a visiting Harper who had stopped through for news. The abbot was an old scholar, alert and capable but also cold and controlled, set in his ways, while the Harper had a deep-set purposeful energy about him, the air of one who faced threats and dealt with them swiftly. There is something of that same distinction between Omeluum and the Emperor, although Hector has trouble articulating what might lie behind it.

"I owe you a great debt, sun child," Omeluum goes on thoughtfully, its glowing eyes narrowing as it looks Hector up and down. "One I shall repay. When I return to the surface, I will alert my colleagues at the Society. Find me there, and I will offer you what aid I can against this evil."

Yay, more allies!

Gods know, Hector needs all of them that he can get.

[ravelqueen]

Since I only now finished the second season there is already quite a bit of meta available for the end and while I find a lot of it interesting and I'm not saying it's wrong (because who knows where Mr. Gaiman is hopefully taking us) I also think it's fascinating that at the core of a lot of theories seems to be the assumption that Aziraphale acted out of character in that last scene when I find he acted extremely like himself.

1) The decision to go back to heaven

Aziraphale has - different from Crowley - never been comfortable acting independently from heaven. He did it when he found it necessary (and later more comfortable along with the deal) but there's always been a very clear level of discomfort around it. Crowley was circumspect with his more virtuous actions because he was worried about the possible consequences - Aziraphale has always felt guilty, because what if he was really working against Her?

So him jumping at a chance to work with heaven presumably under his directives, under directives that would understand that you can't just e.g. exchange children, a more compassionate heaven makes total sense to me.

And sure he has to give up the comforts he's grown accustomed to - the food, the books, the variety humanity provides - but he's not selfish. He wasn't going to give them up only to make Armageddon possible, but he certainly is ready to sacrifice them for the greater good. As he tells Crowley: I can make things better.

2) Why does he believe Metatron?

Angels Don't Lie.

This season has hammered this idea home and good - sure they can obfuscate, they can leave out details, they can forget, but they don't lie.

And yes of course he himself is proof that they certainly can and nothing will happen, but I do think that he believes himself to be an abberation in this case and that the only reason he hasn't been punished is because Crowley is the only one that knows. And he's still mostly really bad at lying so I think he truly believes he'd be able to spot it - in a way even Aziraphale's first lie was extremely see-through but since angels don't lie they also don't know how to spot them in themselves.

(Plus i also think that since Aziraphale is one of the lower tier angels he's convinced that also gave him a pass.)

3) Asking Crowley to come back to heaven with him, knowing that would hurt him

Now the second part of that assumption is the crux, the most central part to why his actions are very much in character for Aziraphale, because does he know?

I don't think he does and all his actions during their flashbacks and interactions proves that at the heart of it he fully 100% believes that if he could, Crowley would jump at getting to undo his Fall.

Because to him Crowley is good and Crowley is Kind - and he's only forced to pretend he isn't because as a Demon he can't be. And he just wants Crowley to live happily, to be happy and for Aziraphale that means not being Fallen.

I don't think Aziraphale wants to change Crowley or that he spent 6000 years trying to fix him or anything toxic like that. But we see how he feels about the mere idea of Falling, how he acts when he's sure it's his time to go after Job - he's devastated, he's crying, he's desperate.

And it's not like Crowley is helping - Hell is hell and he never sugar coats that. And while Aziraphale had over the millenia gotten a few stern talking-to's, he's never been punished the way he had to watch Crowley he punished.

And on top of it all, he remembers Crowley pre-Fall, how happy, how joyful, how full of wonder and how he didn't have to hide any of this then. How he could just be this way without having to hide it away.

So i don't think he realises that Crowley's decision to be alone so he doesn't have to play along with Hell's schemes actually applies to the whole system.

And the reason he doesn't realise this is because at the heart of it, he believes in heaven. Despite everything, despite the cruelties he's seen and been done to him, he believes that there is something like the Ultimate Good, the place God's plan is truly realised and he believes that that place is Heaven. It's not the system's fault, it's the angels who made the decisions and even those aren't evil (because Angels Are Good) they are misguided or clueless or uneducated etc. Aziraphale clings to this world view and he always has done so - he's even in s2 adamant that Heaven Is Good and Hell Is Evil.

So of course he would want to be in charge, to change Heaven the way he always felt it should be.

And of course he'd want Crowley there; to an extent Crowley is his standard of who Angels/ Heaven should act/be - kinder than anyone no matter the circumstances.

So I do think his offer was heartfelt, was supposed to be their triumph as a couple, to be able to be part of a whole but also together, where they belong and where they can make things better for the humans they're both so fond of.

Even his reaction to Crowley disagreeing to go fits perfectly in what we know of him - we get pretty much the exact same reaction when Crowley refuses to help with Gabriel: a plea, an earnestly expressed desire to do it with Crowley but just as earnest obstinacy to go at it alone if Crowley doesn't want to join him.

So all in all while that last scene breaks my heart and makes me want to shake him it fits so well into the Aziraphale we've come to know that I can't find myself being mad at it.

[rpclefairy]

𝐒𝐄𝐍𝐓𝐄𝐍𝐂𝐄 𝐒𝐓𝐀𝐑𝐓𝐄𝐑𝐒 𝐁𝐀𝐒𝐄𝐃 𝐎𝐍 𝐓𝐇𝐄 ‘𝐄𝐋𝐑𝐈𝐂 𝐎𝐅 𝐌𝐄𝐋𝐍𝐈𝐁𝐎𝐍𝐄’ 𝐒𝐄𝐑𝐈𝐄𝐒 𝐁𝐘 𝐌𝐈𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐄𝐋 𝐌𝐎𝐎𝐑𝐂𝐎𝐂𝐊.

“ man was not born to a world of justice. but he can create such a world! ”

“ they offer you so much power. so tempting to take advantage of it. ”

“ death is the promise we're all born with. ”

“ we could not bring back the golden age. indeed we were now paying the price of having enjoyed one. ”

“ through our sense of identity, we act. we determine our moral judgements. ”

“ we create fresh narratives to use in our survival. it is part of what makes us such flawed creatures. creatures of such narrative fiction creating cause and effect. ”

“ we rewrite our own memories, of course, all the time. ”

“ to compromise with tyranny is always to be destroyed by it. the sanest and most logical choice lay always in resistance. ”

“ we are friends to death, but not his servants. ”

“ the nearest we ever come to knowing truth is when we are witness to a paradox. ”

“ law and chaos? they're not the same as good and evil, i'm told. ”

“ i am a petty god at the moment. you will find me more lordly and benign when i achieve the position of a greater god. ”

“ if we are the toys of the gods are not perhaps the gods themselves mere children? ”

“ it is fitting that we should be wanderers, for we have no place in this world. ”

“ by means of our myths and legends we maintain a sense of what we are within and who we are. without them we should undoubtedly go mad. ”

“ it's history that's caused all the troubles in the past. ”

“ a good death is better than a poor one. ”

“ everything may exist for a while — even justice. but the true state of the universe is anarchy. it is the mortal's tragedy that he can never accept this. ”

“ i have hated hypocrisy and deception all my life, yet all my life i have been victim to it. that is the terrible irony. ”

“ time is the enemy of identity”

“ we’re wary of you. even if we allowed you to lead us again you would take your own doomed path and us with you. ”

“ memory is the foundation of identity. ”

“ i can accept then, that we are more than forsaken, because there was never anything there to forsake us. ”

“ i have chosen. i chose chaos. ”

“ you spend your lives chasing that which is within you and that which you can find in any other human being. ”

“ meaning? do not seek that, for madness lies in such a course. ”

“ my mind goes out searching through black barrenness for something — anything. ”

“ i seek no excuses, for i know what i am and i know what i have done. ”

“ but people may do great good accidentally, though with evil intentions — conversely people may do great evil though having the best of intentions. ”

“ i have brought evil to many places. ”

“ if we remain adaptable, we remain strong. if we force others to accept our traditions and values, we ultimately grow weak…”

“ who told you that the world was just? ”

“ we live in a world where many kinds of regression dignify themselves with the mantle of progress. ”

“ thing is, treasures are not won by care and forethought but by swift slaying and reckless attack. ”

“ there is no future here for myself and my men. ”

“ there are many legends which say the past was perfect or that the future will be perfect. i have seen many pasts and many futures. none of them were perfect, my friend. ”

“ that the world forgets me is all i ask,”

“ the subtlest lie of all is the full truth. ”

“ why should their pain produce such marvellous beauty? ”

“ the past is a script we are constantly rewriting. ”

“ is the prisoner a prisoner because he lives in a cage or because he knows that he lives in a cage? ”

“ we free travellers need no chains of that sort. ”

“ people are not alarmed by the unusual  — so long as it is placed in an acceptable context. ”

“ despairingly, sometimes, i seek the comfort of a benign god. ”

[dialovers-translations]

Diabolik Lovers LOST EDEN ー Reiji Ecstasy [09]

CHAPTER MASTERLIST

ー The scene starts in the forest in the human world

Yui: ( I would have never thought we’d come here all together. )

( If anything, I have a hard time believing...I’m actually here about to set foot inside the Church again. )

Reiji: ...Is something the matter? 

Yui: No...

Reiji: Once I head inside, there is no stepping back. 

Therefore, if there is anything you would like to say, please do so now.

Selection

→ I want to talk to Father after all

Reiji: ...You are still saying that? 

Yui: I mean, you’ve had to burden everything up till this point, I want to do something too...!

Reiji: Good grief, you are quite stubborn. However, I suppose I will accept the sentiment at least.

...Of course, I will reach out for your help if I feel like it is necessary. 

→ I have faith in you (❦)

Reiji: I will find a way to live up to your expectations. 

That being said, knowing the opponent we are dealing with, I suppose the chances of things not going my way are far greater.

However, now that I have decided I shall not abandon my feelings...I do believe that my options are limited. 

I shall do everything within my power...to keep my promise to you, no matter what obstacles might lie ahead. 

Yui: Yes...!

ー The scene shifts to the Church

Kino: Well then, it’s time to announce the verdict! I condemn you all to the death penaltyー!

Ayato: Aah? 

Kino: In other words, we’re going to kill you. ...Right, Mr. Priest? 

Seiji: You filthy monsters...I shall personally chop off your heads! 

Ayato: Hehe. Then hurry up and get to it already. 

Seiji: Excuse me? 

Laito: If we have to live the rest of our lives in confinement, robbed from our freedom, then we honestly can’t wait to be killed. 

Kanato: Exactly. Now please hurry up...!

Seiji: I suppose I should have expected this much from a bunch of monsters. You are all completely insane. 

Subaru: ...Us Vampires celebrate death after all. Can’t wait to end this misery.

Laito: But if I have to be killed, I would have loved for a cute girl like Bitch-chan to end my life~

Ayato: Right? Even Chichinashi would have been preferable over some Old Fart.

Shuu: So, when are you gonna get to it? 

Kino: Well~

ー A Ghoul runs up to Kino

Male Ghoul A: ...Kino-sama, we have a visitor. 

Kino: Heeh. ...Haha. Things are getting interesting now. 

Subaru: Oi, answer our question!

Kino: Hang on one second, okay? I’ll be right back!

Subaru: Che, the fuck’s goin’ on...?

Seiji: ...I cannot keep up with this farce any longer! Who wants to get killed first!? 

I’ll blow you to bits with these silver bullets!

Ayato: I mean, the honor has to go to Yours Truly, no? 

Kanato: No, please start with me. 

Laito: I don’t mind going afterwards. Who knows, he might just pass on the gun to a cute Ms. Hunter~

Shuu: ...I wouldn’t bet on it. 

Subaru: Not a chance. 

ー Kino returns

Kino: Sorry for the waiー ...Wait, hold up! You can’t kill them just yet!

Seiji: Why not!? 

Kino: Actuallyーー 

ー Reiji appears

Reiji: Does the fact that I have decided to appear in person fail to answer your question? 

Seiji: You are...The Vampire King? 

Reiji: In the flesh. 

Ayato: Haah? Oi, Reiji, you bastard. Whatcha doin’ here, huh? 

Reiji: As stupid and hopeless as my brothers may be, I have to admit that I would have trouble sleeping at night knowing they have been executed. 

Seiji: Heh...Very well. I’m done with those brothers. Throw them out already!

Kino: Haha. Too bad things didn’t go your way, huh? Bye bye!

*Rustle*

Laito: Wah! Hey, don’t push!

Shuu: Oh...

ー The other Sakamaki’s get chased out of the Church

Reiji: ...

Seiji: Well then, how about we exchange ideas? I have high expectations that you will offer useful tactics for war...

Reiji: Yes. However, from what I have heard, it would appear that you have quite the formidable assets prepared yourself...

Seiji: I suppose there is little I can add if you have already done so much of the research yourself. Now, how much power can you offer us? 

Reiji: I personally believe that using my powers to support your army behind the scenes would be the most beneficial strategy. 

Seiji: Makes sense. I would like to see just how useful those magic powers of yours could be to our forces. 

Reiji: If you want a demonstration, I can give you one at any time. Well then, let us move onto the specifics. 

*TIMESKIP*

Reiji: ーー How does said strategy sound to you? 

Seiji: I see. ...Heh, you are quite the fascinating fellow. 

Reiji: Thank you very much. ...Do you have any other questions? 

Seiji: Not particularly. 

Reiji: ...You are not worried about your daughter?

Seiji: The one to blame for that...Is none other than you, correct?

Reiji: ? 

Seiji: At first I was desperately looking around for her...but when I was told that my daughter had gotten deeply involved with Demons, I was left in shock.

Still, I believed that said statements were nothing but provocative lies trying to throw us off as I continued to have faith in my daughter...At first, at least. 

However, during the attack on the Vibora, the truth was made clear to me. I gained an eye witness after all. 

Reiji: Eye witness...?

ー Zweig walks up to them

Zweig: ...Long time no see, Vampire King. 

Reiji: Why are you here...!? 

Zweig: That’s what I’d like to ask you.  ...I cannot believe you have decided to join forces with the very man who wiped out my clan, right after you signed an alliance with us. 

Reiji: ...

Seiji: It was proven to me that my daughter had become corrupted by a Demon both in heart and soul. 

Therefore, the first species to get completely annihilated should be the Vampires. ...That is the decision I came to. 

*Clunk*

Reiji: ...I see. So it was all a trap. 

Fufu...Ahaha. I suppose...This is my punishment for yielding to such a despicable trade. 

Monologue

As a suffocating tension (緊張感) lingers in the air,

I gaze at the Church’s cross. 

The more I try to imagine,

what they are talking about inside,

the more depressed I become. 

I simply, continue to pray. (祈り続ける)

Are my prayers directed at God? 

I honestly no longer have a clue. 

ーー TO BE CONTINUED ーー

[coffeeman777]

I’m so afraid that I’m marked for evil and that God will never love or accept or forgive me. I’m so ashamed of what I’ve done when I knew better because I’ve been raised in the church and even most secular people wouldn’t do such terrible things as I did. I try to make excuses for myself because I feel like only watering it down can there be the possibility of forgiveness. I spent years reading some really utterly repulsive erotica and having worse fantasies and I’ve cut it all out but sometimes the guilt crushes me and I don’t know how I can live in my own skin so I lie and tell myself it’s not as bad as if I did things in real life or watched visual porn with real people but that doesn’t make it any better, does it and I feel sick at myself. Do you think God can really forgive anything? Even someone who used to construct fantasies involving fictional people in incestuous relationships? I feel tainted forever and utterly unsalvageable. The worst things I read or fantasized haunt me. There are some even worse things I read even as I loathed and found repulsive even at the time. Why did I do that? Does it make it better that I hated it, or worse? I want to be saved but I don’t think it’s possible for me. I don’t feel like I can even pray

You have to trust what the Scriptures say, friend. God is not a liar. The Lord has promised to forgive our sins when we come to Him in humility and contrition.

All of us are wicked. All of us are messed up in a thousand different ways. I was raised in the Church, too. My dad is a pastor, as is my uncle, as were my grandfather and most of his brothers, and as was my great-grandfather. Every moment of my childhood was inundated by Christianity, and yet I got addicted to porn, I lived fornication as a lifestyle, and I had a tryst with a married woman that lasted for months. And still the Lord forgave and saved me.

Consider the Apostle Paul. He was a devout Pharisee who straight up facilitated the murder of Christians. Do you think your erotica habit is worse than murder? It isn't. The Lord forgave and saved Paul and used him to change the world.

There are millions of us with stories just like that; murderers, rapists, thieves, adulterers, liars, cheaters, and more, some with stories so terrible you almost can't stand to hear them. And the Lord has forgiven them. His mercy and grace are far greater than you're giving Him credit for.

Confess your sin to the Lord. Ask for His mercy. Trust His promise (1 John 1:9). Every time you feel guilty, thank the Lord for His mercy, and keep moving forward.

[dayzedandconphused]

daddy's little girl | self para

where: phoebe's flat when: friday 24th march description: phoebe's father calls to check on his only child

The last thing Phoebe needed was to be baby sat, but with her recent incarceration she knew there would be a certain amount of 'checking in' that would be done. Her lawyer, the police officer in charge of signing off on her community service, her father. No matter who it was, Phoebe was quick to reject anything and everything that looked like babying the blonde through the last few months.

That was, of course, aside from the leg up her father's connections (let alone his money) had given her when it came to a speedy and relatively stress-free release from serving her time. With the time, effort and coin invested in his child's freedom, the wealthy realestate mogul had taken to calling his daughter weekly to see how she was doing. With each call, Phoebe could feel her resolve deteriorating and it wouldn't be much longer until she told her father exactly what he could do with the fifteen minutes he seemingly 'found spare' for her every week. Even she was at school he had no time for her, so why now was he so interested in her life?

"A grandchild?!" Phoebe baulked down the phone, desperately looking around as if someone uninvited would be walking around her flat to overhear the two Robertsons talking, "What in the hell do you want a grandchild for?!" It wasn't often that Phoebe allowed her Scottish roots to be shown through her accent, but when speaking to her father it was hard for her to hide the twang from the north returning to her speech patterns.

"An heir," her father corrected, his tone as even as if he'd spoken to her of the weather outside his window, "I'm not getting any younger -- and who on earth am I meant to leave all of this to...?" Phoebe could practically hear the old man's hand waving flamboyantly around the den she assumed he was sitting in on the grounds of his favourite of the Robertson properties.

"I don't know Da," Phee hummed, clearly losing her patience, "Your actual child? Or have you decided to skip a generation?"

"You?" the old man practically hissed down the line.

It stung. Though the way he had so clearly decided to bypass her lineage in favour of a child she had no plans on having any time soon wasn't meant to make her feel good, was it?

"You cannot seriously thing the grounds can go to you," Christopher continued, his daughter tightening her jaw as she readied for his explanation, "A woman...? A woman who now has a criminal record because of how foolish she thought she could be with her body...?"

"Da, I told you--" Phoebe began, about to reiterate for the umpteenth time that she wasn't actually using her body in the way he seemed to think she was. She wasn't selling herself for money, she wasn't even promising herself as a prize to the man she had managed to extort money from. It had all been for the greater good of the Jabberwocks, though she wasn't about to spell that out for him.

"Looking like you did, you expect your mother and I to believe you?" Christopher spat down the line, "We saw the CCTV, you can't lie your way out of this. You're just lucky--"

Now, it was Phoebe's turn to interrupt her father, "I'm lucky what, Da?" she finally broke, "That a headline about your daughter being in trouble is a threat to you? I couldn't care less, but you? You're so desperate to make it seem like Ma and I are two beautiful trophies on your shelf you can't even fathom what you'd do if people found out I was arrested. You're the one paying to keep me away, aren't you? The flat, the line of credit... Hell, you're even the police officer who signs my forms. What's your other option? You cut me off and I have to come back up there - and God knows the trouble I'll cause."

Her father was silent.

"Tell Ma when you see her I'll be up to visit in the summer. When you're away to Spain."