#hbo really knows what they’re doing goddamn

[pasukiyo]

the change from tess being killed by soldiers in the game to the mob of infected coming to the capitol building and her blowing the place up while simultaneously sacrificing herself… like yes she sacrificed herself in the game but her sacrifice in the show just seems so much more meaningful now. it may just be the second episode but the show has yet again proven just how much care and heart has been put into this series. this really is a love letter to the ones who played the game and have connected with the story for all these years like myself. i’m so in love and am just so in awe of this show, it’s like i’m playing the game again for the very first time.

[sixhours]

Postpartum

A one-shot set in the One Day at a Time universe. This probably won't make sense unless you've read that, but you do you.

Rating: Teen Series tags: The Last of Us, The Last of Us (HBO), Joel Miller x f!OFC, soft!Joel, no really super soft!Joel, mostly follows canon, angst, hurt/comfort, fluffy baby stuff, babyfic, postpartum depression-ish (not really, but could be triggering), ppd, hormones are wild y'all, breastfeeding is hard, mentions of Sarah and her being black so obviously leaning hard into the tv series and maybe racial themes if you squint? Word count: 1.8k

Notes: Sometimes I just can't get these characters out of my head.

You can also read Postpartum on AO3.

~*~

Joel wakes to the sound of crying, and not the baby’s this time. It’s Charlie, sitting up in bed with Anna at her breast, curled over the child’s nursing form and sobbing.

“Hey, whoa,” he rasps, sitting up and fumbling for the bedside lamp. “S’wrong?”

“She’s not getting enough,” she says through tears. “I don’t know…I just…it’s been three days and she needs to eat and there’s no letdown and I can barely squeeze anything out–”

“Hey, shh, s’okay,” he says. “Midwife said that’s normal, ‘member? Can take a few days for everythin’ to…uh…work.”

“But what if it doesn’t? What if I’m b-broken? What if she’s starving and she can’t tell us?”

He shakes his head, wrapping an arm around her shoulders and sliding over to tuck her under his arm, careful because she’s sore and tender everywhere.

“You’re not broken,” he says. “You’re just…tired. And–”

“If you say I’m hormonal I will hurt you,” she hisses, then her eyes go wide and apologetic in the dim light, lower lip quivering.

“I’m sorry,” she moans. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean that–it’s these fucking hormones, isn’t it? Fuck.”

“S’alright, I know–”

“You don’t. You really don’t. Everything hurts and I’m wearing a goddamned diaper –and these fucking cloth pads are worthless, I think I’m leaking on the bed again–”

“S’why we put a towel down. It’ll wash out—”

“...and my vagina is fucking ruined . It’s g-g-grotesque.”

“Midwife said you didn’t even tear,” he says, biting down hard on his cheek to stifle a chuckle. “I’m sure your, uh…your…um y’know…is just fine.”

She doesn’t appear convinced, tears catching on her lashes and streaming down her cheeks.

“My nipples feel like they’re being rubbed with broken glass. She doesn’t even have fucking teeth yet, how can it hurt so much? And she’s not getting enough, I just know it–”

He swallows hard and rubs her back like when she was in labor, firm strokes at the base of her spine.

“I can’t do this,” she whimpers, rocking forward over the baby. “I can’t…I wanted this so bad and now I’m just going to fuck it up.”

Another sob and now the baby starts to fuss quietly. Salty tears drip from the end of Charlie’s nose and land on the shell of Anna’s tiny ear, catching in her hair, dribbling down her forehead.

“Oh, great, now I’m crying on her,” Charlie sniffs. “Take her, Joel, before I drown her, she’s gonna be soaked–”

“You’re not gonna fuck it up,” he murmurs, but he lets Charlie slide the baby into the crook of his free arm. He bounces Anna for a few seconds, watches her tiny hands and fingers flex, then relax. Soon she’s fast asleep, entirely unaware of the drama unfolding around her.

“You’re doin’ just fine,” he says, kissing the damp curl of hair at Charlie’s temple. “S’only been three days.”

“I’m so scared,” she whimpers. “How are we supposed to do this? The world is fucking over , and we’ve gone and–and brought a child into it. What the fuck were we thinking ?”

“We weren’t. We were really fuckin’ drunk,” he quips.

She glares up at him with swollen, red-rimmed eyes. “You’re not helping.”

“Sorry, sorry,” he mumbles, biting back the urge to laugh as he redoubles his backrubbing efforts in a silent apology. “But…you’re doin’ so good. She’s safe. She’s healthy. Look–she’s snorin’.”

Indeed, Anna’s tiny sniffles have deepened into soft baby sighs that puff against Joel’s bare chest. He finds himself unable to look away, drawn into a trance by the subtle rise and fall of her ribs, the rapid pulse of her heart thrumming under her delicate skin.

“She’s perfect, see? You’re doin’ great. Could use a little more sleep is all.”

Charlie whimpers miserably and presses her face to his side. “She can’t sleep if she’s starving, Joel.”

“She’s not gonna starve. We’ll call the midwife in the morning. She said they have—what is it, donors? If you can’t—“

This elicits another wail from Charlie. “You mean if I’m broken .”

Shit .

“No, no, that’s not what I—I meant just to—I’m—fuck,” he grits out, decides he’s better off shutting up. Instead, he rocks his daughter in one arm and holds the mother of his child in the other, waiting out the storm.

“Was it like this with Sarah?” Charlie murmurs after a while, voice laden with exhaustion.

“A little,” he says, hesitating. “Her mom was a lot younger than you an’ she wasn’t…wasn’t ready. She was a kid herself, and I prob’ly wasn’t the best partner. Hell, I was only 22. S’not an excuse, but…y’know. S’what it was.”

He shifts uncomfortably, remembering the long nights, the fighting, the abrupt dissolution of his family’s future before it had even begun.

“Anyway, she uh…she couldn’t handle it. Left when Sarah was a few months old.”

Charlie makes a sound in the back of her throat, then reaches over, gently grasping one of Anna’s impossibly small feet, rubbing at her little toes until the baby spreads them wide and pushes against her fingertips.

“She’s so perfect, I’m worried I’ll…I’ll ruin her, somehow,” she whispers. “But I can’t imagine leaving her.”

He meets her eyes, the next word rolling tender from his lips, tightening his hold around her shoulders to emphasize the point.

“Exactly.”

They stay like this until her breathing slows, until they’re drifting in that liminal space of exhausted new parents. Charlie wipes at her eyes, lets out a drained sigh.

“I wish he could have met her,” she says, her words muffled against Joel’s chest. 

He . Her late husband, one of many ghosts that floats about the edges of their lives, caught in the periphery. Joel feels a twinge of something like envy, but it’s hard to be jealous of a dead man, so he brushes it aside.

“You’ve never told me his name, y’know,” he says instead.

“I didn’t? Oh,” she trails off. “It was Marcus.”

He rumbles an mmm in acknowledgment and rests his chin on the top of her head, marveling at how perfectly she fits there, wondering if he could fill that space for her someday.

“Sometimes I could swear I see him in her,” she continues. “Isn’t that silly?”

“I dunno,” he murmurs, swallowing hard. “Sometimes…I think I see Sarah in her, too.”

She blinks up at him. “Well…at least that makes sense .”

“Not as much as you’d think,” Joel sniffs, tracing a thumb down Anna’s cheek, lost in thought. “Sarah took after her mom…she was half black. Looked nothin’ like me.”

He regards their daughter–pale complexion, silver eyes, straight dark hair. But still, she’s in there; his Sarah, his baby girl. Something about the slope of her nose, the arch of her eyebrows, the curl of her thumb against her bottom lip.

“What was Sarah like?” Charlie murmurs sleepily, nestling further into the crook of his shoulder.

“Stubborn as hell,” he says immediately, the words pouring out before he can lose his courage. “An’ you don’t have to tell me she got that from me. Already know.”

“You? Stubborn?” Charlie says, and he can feel her smiling against him.

“Yeah, yeah,” he smirks. “When Sarah was about three, she threw a fit in the store. Wanted…somethin’ or other, I dunno. A toy, prob’ly. Wouldn’t take no for an answer, so I had to drag her outta there kickin’ and screamin’.

“Except…she doesn’t really look like my kid, y’know? So she had the whole store convinced I was tryin’ to kidnap her, and they got security askin’ me questions, and she doesn’t understand, just keeps…keeps cryin’ and holdin’ on to me–”

He breaks off, surprised at the clarity of the memory; his flailing, sobbing kid in his arms as the security guard grilled him, the creeping shame and anger at being singled out, him and his girl against the world. A lump lodges itself in his throat and he blinks back tears.

“Got us outta there as fast as I could,” he says. “God…haven’t thought about that in forever.”

“That’s…awful.”

He shrugs. “Losin’ Sarah was awful. The rest was just…life.”

“You don’t talk about her,” Charlie whispers.

“S’hard, but…this helps,” he murmurs, stroking Anna’s dark hair, ducking his head to place a gentle kiss to her crown.

“Anyway,” he sighs, a deep, shuddering breath as he brings himself back to the flour-sack weight of the baby girl in his arms, the warm comfort of Charlie’s shoulder against his ribs. 

“All that to say…I get it. Hell, sometimes I catch myself thinkin’ Ellie has my eyes,” he chuckles. “Makes no fuckin’ sense…but maybe it don’t have to.”

Charlie shifts, rests her head against his chest, slurring her words slightly. “Mmmm…she does, though, doesn’t she?”

“Sure, let’s say she does. And this li’l one has…Marcus’ smile or ears or somethin’, maybe. He’s part of you…so he’s part of her, too.”

“Maybe,” she murmurs, yawning. Soon her breathing is slow and even, her body relaxed and pliant against his.

He allows himself the luxury of staring, struck by the way Charlie’s dark lashes fan over her cheeks, the mirror image of Anna’s.

Within minutes, they’re both asleep in his arms.

~*~

“Joel…Joel, wake up. I think–”

Charlie’s voice is soft and calm, no longer frantic, her words nuzzling gently against the dim reaches of his brain. He’s vaguely aware of the weight of the baby being lifted from his chest. He blinks, stretching, neck and shoulders tight where he’s dozed off against the headboard. The light is still on and a soft early morning dawn filters through the bedroom window.

He watches with heavy eyes as Charlie puts the baby to her breast, watches Anna’s little mouth eagerly searching for the nipple, bobbing against it greedily before latching on, drawing a soft hiss from her mother at the initial sting.

The baby makes deep, wet suckling sounds and tiny, satisfied grunts, making him think of a piglet. He smiles groggily and cups her soft little head in the palm of his hand, watching frothy bubbles of milk gather at the corner of her lips as she eats and eats and eats.

“Joel, look…”

Charlie’s trying to show him something but he’s too tired, too sleep-deprived to understand until he feels her hand guiding his, placing it on her swollen breast the way she used to place it on her stomach. The flesh underneath is tight and full and definitely not broken.

He kisses her crown and breathes her in, all lavender and powder and milk, still cradling the baby’s head in his hand as he drifts off to sleep.

[isagrimorie]

I just really want to Discovery on Netflix without having to jump through hoops. I could just download it but also I am so angry that I have to when it used to be just available on Netflix.

But Paramount took it off so it could be exclusive to them and realized like CW President had known and was reluctant to do— he knew it would severely reduce profitability, within a year of only supplying content to HBO Max, a company paying itself, CW was bankrupt.

Paramount is also known accruing debt because it’s only supplying content to itself.

After what, a year or two, Paramount is back licensing Star Trek properties to Netflix and HBO Max.

And, what about the International markets that’s not in North America, UK or Australia?

Fuck the International markets because they took Discovery out of Netflix and now will never even make some headwind or gesture to opening Paramount+ to other international markets.

And all I want to do is open up Netflix and re-watch some goddamned Discovery before its final season.

Except oops, sorry you can’t.

And I know I can just download it but what if I don’t want to?

But I will, because what the hell other choice do I have. I know lookmovie. But that’s also looking to monetize the site which I don’t blame because they’re hosting a lot.

Still that’s just another subscription on top of everything else.

[silentsockfeet]

tlou hbo s1 ep2 thoughts (w/ spoilers)

the opener for this ep was honestly scarier than the first imo, seeing the woman inspect the dead body and find all the signs of infected were SO creepy, and then the slow dawning of fear in her throughout the scene, the quickness with which she both proposed bombing the city and accepted her death. such a good building of suspense throughout

and then also the way her bomb suggestion was a lead into the later conversation with joel tess and ellie about how the cities were bombed. i love that we don’t actually know if jakarta was bombed or not, the idea that everyone came to the same conclusion without following from example is even more harrowing of a reality

ellie all curled up in the grass comfy and asleep i would kill for her i would die for her i want to hold her in my hands and protect her from the world

“fine i’ll just throw a fuckin sandwich at them” I LOVE THIS GODDAMN KID

joel and ellie’s back and forth throughout the ep is so fun i think it does such a good job of setting up their chemistry without getting them to connect to early

the little giraffe toy in the weeds :’(((

tess basically immediately adopting ellie im obsessed. i love that we get to see a bit more of their dynamic than the game bc it really highlights that tess is a good person at heart even if she says otherwise. she connects with ellie quickly, and the way her empathy and hope slowly starts shining through as the ep progresses (and even as she begins to accept her fate) really says so much about her character

“there’s no boyfriend that’ll come after you?” “…..no.”

the foreshadowing of ellie guessing at the infected types is awesome, i love the fact that she technically got them both right. related but i wonder how they’re gonna do infected types like the shamblers if spores aren’t gonna be a thing

that little frog vibin on the piano what a talented little guy

THE HOTEL SCENE IS TOO EARLY i wonder if they’re gonna have a hotel basement scene now?? probably not which kinda makes sense, it’s a scene better played than watched. but it would’ve been cool to see how they did it

love the expansion of the fungus lore, the interconnected-ness of the tendrils is so cool and so goddamn creepy

the entire clicker sequence was SO GODDAMN GOOD. the way tess and joel don’t tell ellie (or the audience) anything about what’s going on really forces us to put ourselves in ellie’s shoes so that we’re as terrified as her. and the fact that there doesn’t need to be a word of dialogue said to get us to figure out how the clickers work is so goddamn impressive, a shining example of ‘show don’t tell’ i think

am sad that no bricks or bottles were thrown tho

the rooftop scene. i could cry with how faithful this show is

the change in dialogue at the capital building,, “i never asked you for anything… not to feel the way i felt…” i am in so much pain.

on that note it’s scenes like these that really make me love this show bc there really is something for everyone. connecting back to the infected lore from earlier was so fucking cool and felt like such a natural change and the changes to tess’s dialogue make the scene so fresh and still impactful for people that already know the game

i love the specific line “save who you can save” because i feel like it does the perfect job of emphasizing how much tess buys into the cure while also setting the stage for joel’s decision down the road. like at the end of the game, joel really does save who he can save, it just isn’t in the way tess intended. it’s a way for him to still hear her words and connect with them but also have the intention twisted

okay bear with me but i actually liked the inclusion of the cordyceps kiss, it takes something that is so normal and even beautiful to us but then perverts it like that’s textbook horror baby!

general overview: how in the hell was this ep even better than the first

[moon-ursidae]

TLOU HBO EPISODE 2 SPOILERS

general thoughts and shit are going here in a list! see ya’ll on the other side!

got a late start bc i was w a friend i hadn’t seen in a long time.

ANYWAY

oh shit okay jakarta this is where it pretty much started yea?

yuuuup there’s military men

this is so fucking horrifying bro

the slow buildup is so fucking good

i’m excited to see what neil does w this episode bc we know the dude can direct the shit out of a game haha

OH MY GOD WHEN SHE MADE THE INCISION IN THE LEG AND YOU COULD SEE THE GROWTH??? GROSS BUT AWESOME

AND IN THE MOUTH?? STOMACH CHURNING. SO AWESOME.

oh my god wait so the u.s. government probably got the idea to bomb after they did in jakarta?? CRAZY.

i feel so sorry for this woman. she’s absolutely horrified. these poor people in general dude. jesus christ.

the cold opens so far have REALLY set the tone well for the episodes and series as a whole

if anyone skips this intro, i simply do not trust them

BELLIE!!!

this is fucking gorgeous

DIRECTED BY NEIL DRUCKMANN

joel and tess sitting there like parents the next morning after you miss curfew💀💀

“there’s not gonna be anything bad in here?” “just you.” “oh, funny.” THEMMMMMMM AAAHHHHH

his hand :(

anna torv is so pretty

LMAO the difference in what they’re eating

“you must’ve heard that he wants to shoot you.” AND THE WAY HE DOESN’T EVEN FUCKING BLINK

bella is literally ellie you bitches that doubted them better EAT GRASS

“whatever happened to me is the key to finding a vaccine”

LIKE THE GAME HAHA

“fuck you man i didn’t ask for this” !!!!!!!!!!!!

“if she so much as twitches” AND SHE STARTS JOKING HAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAA

bella is ellie bro

joel is so over this shit lmao

“jesus fine i’ll just have to throw a fuckin sandwich at them.” I LOVE HERRRR

omg joel moving the heavy ass furniture HAHAHAHA

THIS IS FUCKING GORGEOUS

THE MUSIC IS SO GOOD

OMG ALL HER PINS ON HER BAG 🥹

pedro looks so goddamn fucking good my god

omg i remember seeing bts of this SOOOO long ago this is crazy

she lied about riley to tess :(

“mom, dad, boyfriend?” “i’m an orphan and uhh nooooo” so subtle and so good.

THE MUSIC FROM THE GAME AHH it’s changed slightly but it’s the same basically

HE IS SOOOOOOOOOOOO ATTRACTIVE

sorry haha

THESE PRACTICAL SETS ARE CRAZZZYYYYYYYY

HOTEL???

“i don’t know how to swim.” “seriously?” “you think we have pools in the QZ?” “no, smartass. i mean-“ *jumps in to show her that it’s shallow* “i don’t know how i was supposed to know that” LMAOOO I LOVE THEM SO FUCKING MUCH ALREADY

also it’s not the last of us without wading in some gross water

THE FRONT DESK BIT HAHAHA

I LOVE HER SO MUCH

“you’re a weird kid” “you’re a weird kid”

proceeds to get fucking jumpscared by a skeleton and joel jumps to see what’s up

AHHHHH🥺

him reaching to help her up and them both letting go as soon as possible but joel lingers there and looks at his hand🥲

probably bc of the whole infection thing but also 🥺

guys if you have to take the elevator shaft DON’T.

JOEL GRABBING HER HOOD TO MOVE HER💀

BOOSTING HER UP TO FIND A WAY AROUND HAHAHAHAHAHA JSBSJSBSJSBSJHDHDHDHSHSBWKDBK

NOW THIS IS A FAITHFUL ADAPTATION

omg now they’re left alone together HAHA

“where’d you learn to do that?” “the circus” AND HE JUST LOOKS SO EXASPERATED HAHA

i love that ellie is so inquisitive about who joel is in both the game and series now. i would be doing the same if i was traveling with this man i met less than 24 hours ago, but it just hits so much harder knowing what joel’s been through yknow?

him stopping her immediately from asking personal questions bc he doesn’t wanna get attached and doesn’t want her to get attached either bc that would be harder for him AHHHHHHHHHHHH

“how long do infected live?” “oh i thought you went to school” IN SUCH A SASSY WAY I LOVE HIM

he looks so fucking good.

“what about that guy last night?” THE WAY HE LOOKS AT HER KSHAKSHSKV

saved by the bell joel haha

HOLY FUCK. THAT’S ALL INFECTED????

i like that this is how they’re introducing the tendrils more. tess is telling both ellie and the audience how they work

“museum.” YYYYEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAA BABBYYYYYY

BUT ALSO FUUUUUUUUUUCK NO.

these practical sets are INSANE

i fucking love how they’re so smart with each other already

OH FUCK IT’S CLICKER TIME BABYYYY

the way they’re trying to get her to shut up lmao

this is bad. they are making so much noise without making any noise and i’m STRESSED

that’s so many bodies holy fuck

OH MY GOD IT’S THE ROOM FROM THE TRAILER

LEMME SEE THOSE CLICKER PRACTICAL EFFECTS BABY

THE WAY I JUST GOT CHILLS DOWN MY FUCKING SPINE TO MY GODDAMN TOES JUST HEARING THE CLICKING SOUNDS

OH. MY. GOD. THE WAY THEY MOVE. THE WAY THEY SOUND. I AM SO SCARED.

OH FUCK OH SHIT OH FUCK

IT’S SO MUCH BIGGER THAN JOEL OH MY GOD

RUN?? JOEL SKAHSKSBOWBSLWBSKSBE

FUCK TESS IS ON HER OWN. NOOOOO

THIS IS ALSO SO ACCURATE TO GAMEPLAY BC YOU CAN JUST HIDE FROM THEM AGAIN AFTER YOU ATTRACT THEM

THE WAY THAT I’M SCARED TO BREATHE OR MOVE

OH MY GOD THEY’RE FUCKING HORRIFYING

THE SILENCE TO THE CLICKER BEING SO CLOSE AND SO LOUD???????

THIS IS SO CRAZY

OH MY GOD IT’S ONE OF THE FIRST FINAL SHOT THAT THEY POSTED ON SOCIALS

FUCKING JUMPED OVER THE COUNTER???

AHHHHH THIS IS SO SCARY

PLEASE NO TENDRIL I WILL THROW UP

TESS!

tess…

“twisted ankle, but yea.” AND ELLIE GETTING BIT AGAIN AND SAYING “i mean if it was gonna happen to one of us.” AND TESS’S FACE OH MY GOD PLEEEAAASSSSEEEEEEE

THE BLOOD ON HER JACKET :(

OH MY GOD IT’S THE FUCKING SCENE THE PLANK CONNECTING BUILDINGS AND THE SHOT AHHHHH

this is another way i KNOW neil directed this

the way joel is immediately tending to tess :(

and how she’s snappy w him bc he’s being pessimistic, as per usual, and she’s dealing with A LOT rn

he looks kinda hurt dude AHHH

THE SCENE!!!! THE SCENE!!!!!!!

THE SAME MUSIC!!!!!!!!!

i’m crying.

“is it everything you hoped for?” “jury’s still out. but man you can’t deny that view.”

THE WAY HE LOOKS AT HERRRRR

AND HE IS THE LAST ON THE ROOF AND LOOKS AT THE FUCKING WATCH AFTER LOOKING AT THE VIEW MORE😭😭😭

I’M SO EMOTIONAL

and the frame stays on the ladder with the capitol in the background like the game 🥺

omg the way tess is so far ahead of joel and ellie AHHHHHHH

him checking on her arm to see what’s up AHHH

oh fuck. it’s the capitol building.

the way his paternal instincts have already kicked in i can’t. the way he moved ellie from the bodies UGH.

tess’s desperation is so palpable from the moment she stormed inside. anna torv is fucking fierce and i love her.

“that’s not my fucking home!” uh oh.

me during this whole fucking scene:

oh my god.

ALL THE FUCKING RUNNERS UR JOKING

PLEASE DON’T LET HER BE FUCKING MAULED TO DEATH I WILL RIOT

“save who you can save.” I WILL GO INTO THIS IN A SEPERATE POST BC KAHAKSB

the way he DRAGS her out of there.

oh my god. the way she’s left standing there but she takes those last few breaths to recenter herself. FUCK man.

PLEASE DON’T LET HER BE MAULED.

this is almost worse oh my god.

the way she’s frozen in fear oh my god

the tendrils will never NOT be disgusting.

jesus christ.

i fucking LOVE that final shot of ellie. i will also discuss further.

THAT’S IT??? MORE PLEASE OH MY GOD.

i gotta wait a week for bill and frank??? DAMNIT.

IT’S ELLIE’S T-SHIRT!!!!!!

the part where joel is talking to bill looks like a flashback! he’s got a lot less gray goin on. i’m excited to see more of their relationship!

BTS TIME!

YEEESSSSS CLICKER BTS

barrie gower popped the FUCK off holy shit

SEE. THEY PUT HELLA THOUGHT AND RESEARCH INTO MAKING THE CHANGE TO TENDRILS.

FUUUCK man tess was literally about to start her redemption and she finally found hope :(

“neil understands how to create fear” YEA HE FUCKIN DOES GODDAMN

okay! holy fuck! i’m emotional! AHH!

i’m gonna go think about this shit and make seperate posts for my thoughts later bc it’s almost 3am haha

fucking amazing job to the cast and crew again. holy fucking shit.

i’m obsessed.

[squireofgeekdom]

thoughts on hdm 1-2 under the cut, though first i need to register that i am Deeply Grumpy at the stupidity of the world that has led to this deeply absurd release schedule that, specifically, has prevented me from watching these episode upon release properly, that is, on the BBC with m on sunday, instead of on monday evening on hbo by myself. it annoys me and i can say definitively that it is a vastly inferior viewing experience. (yes we’ll watch them together on sunday that’s not the Point the point is There Was a Proper Way for this to be done and release schedules are dumb and i am Irked :[ ) 

that said. show and book spoilers below.

love a show that opens the first thirty seconds with narrated illustrative montage that goes: just to be clear, this is about rebelling against and killing the christian god. just in case you forgot or somehow didn’t get that the last two seasons. the fucking adaptation of his dark materials we deserve.

i am fascinated and puzzled by some of the adaptational cuts here like. well, we’ll see whether i think they work on next viewing, i don’t know that they specifically *don’t* work, I’m just puzzled by what went into them. (and like, there are a lot of additions/changes that really do work and I’m excited about) I want to buy everyone on the creative team lunch and pick their brains for hours about what went into this show, honestly.

Vastly Insufficient Balthamos being A Bitch. Insufficient Balthamos + Balthamos and Baruch in general, honestly, and the adaptational change they made to when he departs is just. very strange. like i can understand not wanting to do it the book way but it’s. it was very odd. (as is cutting the first angel attack & attempt to call metatron, which sets up that they’re being followed and what happens to Baruch later - and what went into their decision to seperate felt oddly rushed compared to other things which the show took more time than the book to set up) Though Balthamos being in human form instead of pretending to be Will’s daemon did allow for some truly excellent ‘what the actual fuck is this child doing’ expressions on that actor who, let me be clear, is excellent

frankly this show has made consistently sufficiently good choices that it had my expectations high enough (i know, the secret to happiness is low expectations and anytime i break that rule with myself i regret it, but) and i mean, the book’s subtext is barely not text that if the angel boyfriends had not kissed i would have been disappointed in the show. but yes. they did. these angels gay good for them good for them. oops now one of them is dead. soon both of them will be dead. 

fascinated that the suburbs of the dead went abandoned industrial grounds / DMV #aesthetic XD (though i do feel the loss of some of the book dialogue there) the world of the dead is very close to the vibes of how i pictured it in my head which is really quite satisfying.

having the gallivespians have dragonfly style (mechanical?) wings instead of riding dragonflies works and is probably one of those things that probably makes more sense from a special effects / keeping characters in frame perspective

having ogunwe be more of a character than in the book and showing more story there is an a+ choice. also love the lack of subtlety of drones being used on a resistance camp by the bad guys. and the continual fuck the christian patriarchy of it all. having mary meet the girls and talk about leaving the catholic church just like. yknow, in case it wasn’t clear what the ‘temple’ in this world was equivalent to.

whoever cast james mcavoy as lord asriel should be showered in praise and money because like. goddamn. that’s lord asriel. fuckin hell. 

im almost hoping that the trailer line from mary about ‘the greatest love is the love you will die for’ is going to be subverted and the whole line is something like ‘i used to believe/ be told that the greatest love is the love you will die for. now i know it’s the love you will live for.’ given. yknow. context of ‘if you stay in lyra’s world you will die’

will’s actor continues to be absolutely brilliant in the role. hurrah’s all around for the casting director and that kid’s acting choices. 

Oh also I'm fascinated by the choices in the intro. The mulefla's world viewed with Dust is gorgeous, and m and I totally called where the amber was going to go in the intro sequence

[favescandis]

NEW interview with Alexander Skarsgård about Godzilla vs. Kong and The Northman with Uproxx

Alexander Skarsgard Knows You Don’t Care About Him In ‘Godzilla Vs Kong’

MIKE RYAN, SENIOR ENTERTAINMENT WRITER MARCH 30, 2021

Yes, Alexander Skarsgard is under no false impressions that you are looking forward to Godzilla vs. Kong to see the adventures of his character, a geologist named Dr. Nathan Lind. You see, Godzilla has been causing some problems for humans for unknown reasons and, just maybe, Kong can take care of business and let Godzilla know that his antics aren’t appreciated by means of a knuckle sandwich. And Dr. Nathan Lind has been studying Kong for years and has a good idea of what Kong’s motivations might be and what Kong actually wants.

So, yes … there are times where there is not a lot to talk about when even one of the lead actors in a movie admits people aren’t coming to see him or his character. Though from past interviews, I know Skarsgard has a pretty good sense of humor, so the real questions soon devolved into kind of outlandish fake questions and, luckily, Skarsgard ran with them.

Also, Skarsgard’s next film is The Northman, which is interesting for a couple of reasons. First, he teams with Robert Eggers, which will be the director’s followup to the acclaimed The Lighthouse. Second, it will completely screw up Google searches for True Blood fans searching for Skarsgard’s character, Eric Northman. And, yes, he’s thought about that and wonders how many people will show up expecting to see vampires. (There will be no vampires.)

It’s funny, because just the title of this movie, that isn’t false advertising.

Oh yeah.

Multiple fights.

It’s almost a two-hour-long movie, and it’s like an hour and 55 minutes of fighting.

So what’s this like for you? When you sign onto something like this? Because it’s Godzilla and Kong and they’re going to wind up getting a lot of the attention.

It’s humbling for a narcissistic actor like myself, to be put in my place, to show up on set and know that no one will go to see this movie because I’m in it.

Well, that’s not true. I have noticed over the years you do have a fan base that goes nuts for you.

That’s flattering to hear. But I’m under no illusion that I’m the star of the show and that anyone will go see the movie because they want to see Nathan Lind, the geologist.

The geologist.

Yeah, well, in a way, to be a vessel and a way for the audience to get to know, in my character’s case, Kong, more so than Godzilla, because I’m with Kong throughout the movie. But in a way to not necessarily humanize Kong, but to show a different side of Kong, to show that he has empathy. He’s lived a very solitary, lonely life on Skull Island without social connections, without family. And the thought of him to be reconnected, or to find his family in Hollow Earth is, is kind of the driving force, to reconnect. So I felt like my job was kind of set that up in a way and to kind of show the audience that side of Kong.

Well, you said people aren’t coming to see Dr. Nathan Lind, the geologist. But once here, where you tell me, how you’ve spent the last five years, studying with geologists and following them around and becoming a trained geologist yourself, people will look at this in a different way.

Right? Well, that’s how seriously I take my job.

You threw yourself into it. The last, maybe, ten years, you’ve been studying with geologists, just to know exactly what you were doing in this movie.

It’s just the kind of actor I am, Mike. Even though I play a very peripheral character and no one cares, I still take my craft seriously. And that means a decade of studying geology and living, breathing the character. Just to give the audience that sublime performance that I give in the movie.

When you’re giving the technical jargon during the movie, viewers can rest assured that you know exactly what you’re talking about, because you studied for so long with trained geologists.

Exactly. And they can see that in my eyes, that I’m not lying. I’m not pretending. I’m not acting. I’m not playing a geologist. I am a geologist.

You are a geologist.

Yes.

So when you filmed at Hollow Earth, in the center of Earth, was that on location?

Obviously, it was.

Yeah, I could tell.

And being there was trippy. I felt like you can’t … the audience can tell whether you’re there or when you’re actually there, or if it’s the soundstage with green screen. So the only way to do it, when you make a character driven drama, like Godzilla vs. Kong, is to actually go there and actually spend time down there and be there with Kong. So it was six very intense months, deep down in the center of the earth with a gigantic ape.

That’s why we haven’t seen you in a while — because you’ve been down there.

I’ve been down there, with a gigantic ape.

Being serious, doing the “there they are” reaction seems especially difficult in this movie, with these being such central characters. And I know that’s part of the deal with a lot of movies, but this seems even more that.

Absolutely. Watching the movie, I could tell that I’m reacting to the wrong thing, like I’m reacting to something else. And they play my reaction to something that I think I’m reacting to, but many things have changed. Or they use that reaction to something else. So they kind of make it work. So it’s like, I look at something, and I think I’m reacting to something completely different, but I’m not. They completely changed that. So it’s quite a ride and exciting to watch the movie, because I’m as surprised as the audience. When I watch it, like, “Oh really? That happened.” And, “Oh, look at my reaction here.”

The scene that we all saw in the trailer, which surprisingly happens pretty early in the movie, where Kong just punches Godzilla in the face. So do you watch the movie and go, “If that really would have happened in front of me, I might’ve reacted quite differently than I did even in the movie”?

Well, that specific sequence, they actually had in the pre-visualization, so that actually looks quite very, very, very close to what the previs two years ago looked. So Adam [Wingard] played us that. So pretty much the whole fight scene was choreographed before we shot our reactions to it. So I knew that that punch was going to land, and that’s what I’m reacting to.

We’ve given Dr. Nathan Lind a lot of time, and we’ve given King Kong a lot of time. We haven’t really talked about Godzilla. He gets annoyed when people bother him. I relate to that.

Me too. Going into the movie, I was very much team Godzilla. I love the old Godzilla movies, like the ’60s and ’70s, that era, when it’s zero special effects.

Just a guy in a suit and it’s awesome.

It’s a middle-aged dude in a suit, kicking a miniature version of Tokyo on a set.

In your next movie, you’re working with Robert Eggers, The Northman. You’re done filming that, right?

We’re done. Yeah, we shot for six months during the pandemic. We started last summer and finished just before Christmas.

Did you look at his prior movies and just go, “I have to be part of this.”

Well, I courted him. I loved both The Witch and The Lighthouse. And was developing The Northman and was trying to find a director for it. It was a very different iteration of the script, and the story was very different from what we ended up shooting. But I had a version of a viking movie that I wanted to make and basically went after Rob. He was my dream director and I thought that he would be perfect for this. And that, when I mentioned it to him, it turned out that he was a huge viking fan and knew everything about the mythology.

That doesn’t surprise me for some reason.

Yeah, he knew so much about that world and that era and got really excited about the idea of potentially making this movie. And then he found Sjón, this Icelandic author and poet and screenwriter. And Sjón and Rob together wrote the screenplay to what ultimately became The Northman, the movie that we shot. So it’s something on that was slowly percolating and growing over the course of eight years. So, to finally be on set last year, with the greatest filmmaker of our time and some of the greatest actors of our time, was the highlight of my career, for sure.

Have you thought about how this will screw up Google searches for your True Blood fans?

[Laughs] Yes, I am very much aware of how problematic the title is.

Well, not problematic. True Blood fans are going to have to put in a few other keywords now.

Yeah, that’s true. That’s true. I do apologize for that. And I’m sure some people will be pretty disappointed if they go to see a stand-alone movie about Eric Northman, and then they sit down and it’s a goddamn Viking movie and not a vampire in sight.

I think they’re in for a treat, to tell you the truth.

Well, I hope so. I hope so. I’m very excited about the movie, but I have to admit that, unfortunately, there are no vampires in the movie.

‘Godzilla Vs. Kong’ hits theaters and HBO Max on March 31st.

Photo credited to Getty. [Paris Men’s Fashion Week Armani show, July 2, 2019]

https://uproxx.com/movies/alexander-skarsgard-interview-godzilla-vs-kong-the-northman/

[derekfoxwit]

Doctor Dorpden’s Critical Tips of Prestige

Note: This post was made with satirical intentions in mind. I’m only emphasizing because I’ve had a couple of comments on previous joke posts I’ve did take it seriously. With that said, here we go.

Tip 1: For starters, remember that when looking at the work, if the Mystic Knee twitches fast enough to punch a hole in a wall, this suggests that the work should be near the lowest of the low. No further development of opinion is needed.

Tip 2: For an equal degree of sophistication, give the warm comfort of nostalgia at least 5 times more chances than the new thing that MAY seem actually poggers.

Tip 3: If you have the anecdote of encountering shitty fans, then use them as a scapegoat for the show they flaunt over being shitty. Clearly, they’re always making the show the way it is.

Tip 4: If you haven’t heard much about a newer film or show you’re yet to watch, there’s an 85% chance that film or show is actually not worth your time. The Father (2020) isn’t as widespread as Joker (2019) for a reason.

Tip 5: At this point, just go for the Asian Artist Dick. I’m actually in the mood to see merit in that because I want to look edgy against cute doodles. Stop attacking Uzaki-Chan, you cowards!

Tip 6: Avoid the electronic tunes. They’ll make you smell like a bum, for there’s no structural in a music album that’s nothing but wubs.

Tip 7: If you see a Tweet that looks dumb, use it as a means of generalizing all the fans of a work as sharing that same opinion.

Tip 8: If the cartoon I’m given doesn’t provide me with mature ideas such as slicing an Arbok in half or fake boobs, then the cartoon might as well be on the same level as Teletubbies.

Tip 9: You know the music is (c)rap when it brings up drugs, regardless of lyrical context.

Tip 10:  Raw mood is the indicator of quality cartooning. If you’re quick to assume the worst in the newest HBO Max original cartoon, then you got thyself a stinker. Same thing if you were super bummed out when watching a new thing, regardless of anecdotal context.

Tip 11:  When you’re not given continuous throwbacks, ensure you’re as reductive and over-generalizing about the works shown as possible.

Tip 12:  If your hazy and imperfect as hell recollection of a children’s film, whether it’s Wall-E or Lilo & Stitch, would describe said film as “too sugary” or “key-waving schlock”, then that HAS to be the case. No meat on that bone whatsoever.

Tip 13: Simpler, more graphic style that isn’t as realistic as old-school Disney or Anime? You got yourself a lazy style with zero passion put into it.

UPA? Who’s THAT?!

Tip 14: Don’t trust anyone saying that western children’s cartoons had any form of artistic development after 2008 (with, like, TWO exceptions). If it did, why didn’t we go from stealing organs in a 2001 cartoon to showing opened stomachs in a 2021 cartoon?

Tip 15: Big booba is always important to the strong female character’s quality.

Tip 16:  Only MY ships count, for they provide me with a feeling of intelligence.

Tip 17: “PG-13″ and “R” rating just simply mean you’re not caring for expressing themes in a sophisticated manner. It’s just THAT simple until I dictate otherwise.

Tip 18:  In this age of smelly radicals, “Death of the Author” is more important than ever. Without it, this’ll imply that a classic like The Matrix was secretly toxic, due to what the Wachowskis have to say about it being an “allegory of trans people.”

Tip 19: Turn the fandoms you hate into your torture porn. Ask in Tweets to Retweet one sentence that’d “trigger” them. Go out of your way to paint all of them as blind consoomers. That’ll show them, and it’ll show how much more intelligent you are compared to those clowns.

Tip 20: Whatever the Mystic Knee dictates upon the first viewing of a work is what shall indicate the full structural extent of the film.

Tip 21: The mindset of a 2000s edgelord is one that actually understands the artistry of the medium of animation. Listen to that crazy but ingenious man.

Tip 22: Because sheer ambition makes me feel manly, the high pedestal you bestow upon a cartoon work should be based mostly on the mere mention or mere suggestion of serious topics. This means that pure comedy is smelly.

Tip 23: Is the new work tackling subjects that you’ve loved a childhood work of yours for covering? Just assume it’s super bare-bones in that case compared to the older case, for there’s nothing the older work can do to truly prove itself otherwise. Seriously, Letterboxd. Stop giving any 2010s cartoon anything above a 4/5

Tip 24: If the Mystic Knee is suggesting that the work is crummy, then consider any explanation off the top of your head for why the work in question is crummy.

Tip 25: Sexual and gender identity is inherently political, so don’t focus on them in the story. It’s no wonder why Full Metal Alchemist has caught on more than the She-Ra reboot.

Tip 26: Since I got bothered by a random butt monkey type character in a crummy cartoon, I’m now obligated to assume that having a butt monkey will only harm the writing integrity of the cartoon.

Seriously, Mr. Enter....what?!

Tip 27: We’re at a point where pure comedy for a kids’ cartoon is doing nothing but dumbing down the children. Like seriously...... I doubt Billy and Mandy would ever use farts as a punchline, unlike these newer kids comedies.

Tip 28: The difference between the innuendo in kids’ cartoons I grew up on and the ones Zootopia made is the sense of prestige they give me. Just take notes from the former instead.

Tip 29: Wanna make a work of artistic merit? Just take notes from the stuff I whore out to. It’s just THAT simple until I dictate otherwise.

Tip 30: Always remember this golden rule: If the newer work, or a work you’ve recently experienced the first time, was truly great, why isn’t it providing the exact emotions from your younger, more impressionable years?

Tip 31: If the Mystic Knee aims to break the bones of a character doing certain things (.i.e. having body count of thousands; lashing out to character; etc.), that means the character is bad and deserves no redemption.

Tip 32: If you want me to believe there’s any intrigue or depth in your antagonist, give them redemption, for I am in need of that sorta thing being spelled out. Looking at you, Syndrome. Should’ve taken notes from Tai Lung.

Tip 33: In a case where you’re going “X > Y” (.i.e. manga compared to western comics), ALWAYS CHERRY PICK! Use the recent controversies of the “Y” item while pretending that the “X” item has never had anything of the sort.

Tip 34: BEFORE you bring up those comments that shat on the original Teen Titans cartoon back when it was new, whether for making Starfire “more PC” or whatever.......the DIFFERENCE between them and me is that THEY were just bad faith fools that couldn’t see true majesty out of blind rage. I, however, am truly certain that calling any western TV cartoon from 2014-onward a work that transcends its generation suggests a destruction of the medium.

Tip 35: Based on fandom growth, it shows that any newer show isn’t being watched much by kids, but rather loser adults that act like children. Therefore, there’s more prestige in what I grew with.

Tip 36: The focus on children is bad at this point since the children of today have attention spans that flies would have.

Tip 37: A select few screenshots (or even one) of either a less elaborate attacking animation, less realistic game graphics, or a less on-model image in a cartoon indicates EVERYTHING about the work’s quality.

Tip 38: Consuming or writing media where characters go through constant suffering is little more than gaining pleasure out of it. YOU SICKOS!

Looking at you, Lily Orchard!

Tip 39: Whether it’s a sexual awakening story or just simply a romance, focus on a character being lesbian, trans, bi, etc., then it shouldn’t be in a kids’ work. It’s too spicy for them by default. Kids don’t want romance anyway.

Tip 40: The very idea of a western cartoon with no full-blown antagonist (i.e. Inside Out) is a destruction of animated artistry. Sorry, but it’s just THAT simple until I dictate otherwise.

Tip 41: Unless it’s my fluffy pillow, such as Disney’s Robin Hood, it should be obligated to assume the inserting of anthros is only there to pleasure the furries. Looking at YOU, Zootopia!

Tip 42: With how rough and rash The Beast was, it shows that he was more of an abusive lover. Therefore, I refuse to believe that Beauty and the Beast has any of the meticulous moral writing that most of Disney’s other 90s films has.

Tip 43: When you suggest one work should’ve “taken notes” from another work in order to do better, BE VAGUE! Those who agree will be shown to be geniuses.

Tip 44: Remember how morally grey Invader Zim was? That really goes to show how little the Western Animation scene has been trying since that show. Really should just be taking notes from that series (and of course anime).

Tip 45: Even if I have a radar that clearly indicates such, hiding the item I look for inside an enemy is always bad, for I refuse to believe it would be inside the enemy.

Goddamn it, Arin!

Tip 46: People struggle understanding your gender identity or pronouns? All there is to see in that is a giant cloud of egotism that reads “My problems” zapping another smaller cloud that reads “other people’s problems”. Seriously, kids are starving, so WHAT if you identity confused someone. Grow a spine!

Tip 47: Stop pretending that adaptations should colorize how a story or comic series should be defined. No way in FUCK can a cartoon or film incarnation become the definitive portrayal of my precious superhero idol.

Tip 48: Enough with your precious “limited animation” techniques, YOU WESTERN HACKS! All you’re doing is admitting to sheer laziness and lacking artistic integrity. Now if you excuse me, I’ll be watching more anime, since that gives me a sense of prestige.

Tip 49: If getting five times more detail than the 2D animated visuals have requires someone getting hurt, so be it. No pain, no gain after all.

Tip 50: Yes, I genuinely struggle to believe there’s this majestic level of layered material without having the most immediate yet still vague re-assurance practically yelling in my face. But that’s STILL the work’s fault, not mine.

Tip 51: Every Klasky-Csupo cartoon has more artistic integrity than any of them cartoons with gay lovers such as Kipo or the Netflix She-Ra show.

Tip 52:  If Sergio Pablos’ Klaus is anything to go by, we have no excuse to utilize those smelly as fuck digital animation “styles” found on Stinky Universe, Suck-Ra or Rise of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turds.

Tip 53: Stop projecting your orientation onto works of actual talent. Seriously, how does Elton John’s I’m Still Standing expel ANY rainbow flag energy?

Tip 54: Hip hop and electronica have been the destruction of music, especially the kind that’s actually organic and not farting on the buttons of a beeping or drumming gadget.

Tip 55: The audience for cartoons has become significantly less clear over the years. We should just go back to Saturday mornings of being sold toys or shit kids actually want.

Tip 56: PSAs for kids shouldn’t be about ‘woke’ content. They should be actual problems such as doing drugs; not playing with knifes / outlets / matches; or acceptance.

Tip 57: The instant you realize a detail in a childhood work that’s better understood as an adult, you’re forced to paint that work as the most transcendent thing in the world. It’s just THAT simple until I dictate otherwise.

Tip 58: Before you lash out on ALL rich people, remember this: #Not All Rich People.

Tip 59: There’s nothing to gain out of the (c)rap scene other than becoming a spiteful, gun-wielding thug that sniffs weed for breakfast.

Tip 60: Since the Mystic Knee told me to get anal about prom episodes in several gay cartoons, this shows that writing about one’s younger experiences just makes you look pathetic.

Tip 61: Another smelly thing about Zootopia is how it was painting a police chief as stern and exclusive. #Not All Chiefs

Tip 62: Me catching a glimpse of Grave of the Fireflies as a kid and turning out fine shows that you may as well show kids more adult works without worry. No amount of psychological questions being asked will suggest otherwise.

Tip 63: There’s a reason why the Mystic Knee keeps leaning more toward the 90s and early 2000s than most decades. That knee KNOWS where there’s a sense of true refinement.

Tip 64: The BIG difference between rock and electronica? Steward Copeland actually DRUMS. All that the likes of Burial, Boards of Canada, Depeche Mode and several others did was push drum buttons.

Tip 65: One exception to the golden nostalgia is when the work in question doesn’t stuff your face with fantastical, bombastic stories. At which point, there can only be rose-colored blinds covering Nickelodeon’s Doug. Nothing of merit or personal resonance to be found.

Tip 66: Remember that the sense of nuance in the work comes down to there being everything including the kitchen sink, whether it involves multiple geographic landscapes; giving us hundreds of characters; etc. Only through the extremes will I be able to tell there is nuance.

Tip 67: Once you see a joke that has an involvement with sexual or violent content, just ignore the full picture and just reduce it to having nothing to it but “sex, violence, gimme claps.”

PKRussel has entered the chat

Tip 68: With all the SJWs messing up the art of comedy, lament the times where you could be called a comic genius, NOT a monster, for shouting out the word “STAB,” calling a gay weird, painting Middle Easterns as inherently violent, etc.

Tip 69: Guitar twang will always win out over (c)rap beats. There’s a reason your grandma is more likely to listen to Lynyrd Skynyrd than Kendrick Lamar.

Tip 70: Once the Mystic Knee notices a lack of squealing at the video game with linearity, that shows there’s more artistry in going full-blown open world.

Tip 71: Related to Tips 66 and 68, ensure your comedy gets as much information and mileage out of each individual skit as possible. EMPHASIZE if you need to. Continuously spout out your quirky phrase of “STAB” if needed.

Tip 72: Based on the onslaught of TV shows with many seasons and episodes, animated or otherwise, it shows that there’s more worth going for that than simply having a miniseries or a 26-episode anime.

Tip 73: Building off of the previous tip, you’re better off squeezing and exhausting every little detail and notable characterization rather than keeping anything simple and possibly leaving a stone unturned, especially if there’s supposed to be a story. 

Tip 74: Playing through the fan translation of Mother 3 made me realize how much some newer kids’ works just try too hard to get serious. Why even make the kids potentially think about the death of a family member?

Tip 75: The fear I had over Sid’s toys from the first Toy Story and similar anecdotal emotions are the be-all indicators of what kind of show or film is fitting for the children.

Tip 76:  Seeing this British rapper chick have a song titled “Point and Kill” just further exemplifies the fears I’ve had about rappers being some of the most harmful folks ever.

Tip 77: The problem with attempting to make a more “relatable” She-Ra is that kids aren’t looking for relatability. They want the escapism of buff fighters or something similar. This is why slice-of-life is so smelly.

Tip 78: Based on seeing the rating of “PG-13″ or “R,” I can tell that the dark humor is little more than “hur dur sex and guns.” Given the “TV-Y7 FV” rating of Invader Zim, the writers should’ve taken notes from that instead just so I can sense actual prestige.

Tip 79: The original He-Man has more visual intrigue in its animation than any of those smelly glorified doodles found in the “styles" of the 2010s and early 2020s.

Tip 80: It’s always the fault of the game that my first guess (that I refuse to divert from) on how I have to go through an obstacle won’t work.

Tip 81: Zootopia discussing prejudice ruins the majestic escapism I got from my precious childhood films from 1991-2004. Them kids might as well be watching the news. Now to watch some Hunchback after I finish these tips.

Tip 82: There is no such thing as an unreasonable expectation, and there’s especially no wrong way to address the lack of met expectations! For example, if you expect some early 2010s cartoon on the Disney Channel to be a Kids X-Files, yet you get moments such as some girl getting high on stick dipping candy, you got the right to paint the worst out of that show for not being “Kids’ X-Files.”

Tip 83: Related to my example for Tip 82, if you get the slightest impression of something being childish, you know you got yourself a children’s work that does little than wave keys and has basically nothing substantial for them. In this situation, those malfunctioning robots found in Wall-E are the guilty party.

Tip 84: Without the extensive dialogue that I’m used to getting, how can one say for certain there was any amount of characterization in the title character of Wall-E?

Tip 85: Ever noticed yourself gradually being less likely to expect an upcoming work or view a work you’re just consuming as “the next best thing”? That’s ALWAYS the fault of smelly “artists” (hacks really) and their refusal to give a shit.

Tip 86:  It’s obligatory for your lead to be explicitly heroic just so there is this immediate re-assurance that they’re a good one.

Tip 87: Without the comforting safety net of throwbacks, one cannot be for certain that there has been an actual evolution of a series or the art of animation and video games.

Tip 88: Don’t PSA kids on stuff they give zero fucks about. That means no gender identities or pronouns, race, etc.

Tip 89: Don’t listen to Mamoru Hosoda saying that anime women tend to be “depicted through a lens” of sexual desire. He’s just distracting from the superior prestige found in anime women.

Tip 90:  If you’re desperate to let others know that your talking points are reasonable, just repeat them over and over with little expansion on said talking points.

Tip 91: 7 or more seasons of art is better than 26 episodes of art.  EVERY TIME!

Tip 92: Always remember to continuously talk up the innuendo and mature subject matter of the childhood work as the most prestigious, transcendent thing of all time. With that in mind, there’s a high chance that your favorite childhood work will be better known than Perfect Blue (1997), and there’s likely a reason for that.

Tip 93: An art style that gives many characters relatively more realistic arm muscle details will always shine through more than any sort of art style done for “simplicity” (laziness, really).

Tip 94:  Seeing a few (like, even VERY FEW) people show more enthusiasm for Steven Universe over Invader Zim really shows the lower bar that has been expected out of the western animation scene compared to anime.

Tip 95: Electronic music makes less conventional time signatures cheap as hell. REAL music like rock makes them the exact opposite.

Tip 96: If your Mystic Knee suggests that the 90s cartoon being viewed doesn’t showcase a vague sense of refinement or artistic integrity, then every related assumption of yours is right. EVERY TIME!

Tip 97: Doing everything and the kitchen sink for one series or movie shows a better sense of refinement and prestige than any form of simplicity. THIS includes character design as well.

Tip 98: The advent of that Star Wars: Visions anime really shows just how stinky western cartoons have become.

Tip 99:  For those wondering, no, Europe isn’t being counted in my definition of “western animation”. Doing so is a complete disservice to prestige.

Tip 100: If even less than half of these tips aren’t being considered, you can kiss that prestige badge goodbye. After all, I SAID SO!

[365days365movies]

February 24, 2021: Annie Hall (1977) (Part 1)

Well...Woody Allen.

I, uh...OK, look, I could get into the whole Woody Allen thing, but INSTEAD of me doing that, I’ll just say this: look into it. Because there is a LOT on this subject, and it’s controversial as HELL. At the end of the day, I’ll recommend this upcoming series on HBO, and just recommend that you look into it.

Because, uh...yeah, it’s not great. That’s all I’m gonna say, because I need to educate myself on it more as well. Instead, let’s talk for a few seconds about divorcing the art from the artist. But ONLY for a few seconds.

I understand why some of you might be surprised I’m doing this one. Because, again...Woody Allen. But, yeah, I always try to do my best to divorce the art from the artist. Because some people suck, but they still make nice things, or at the very least, things that should be open to interpretation and appreciation.

“Superfreak” is a classic song of 1981, and everybody’s heard at least some of it, but Rick James fuckin’ kidnapped two women and kept them in his basement, WHERE HE TORTURED THEM. Edgar Degas made beautiful paintings of ballet dancers, and was also A MASSIVE ANTI-SEMITE. And before he was (RIGHTFULLY AND JUSTIFIABLY) outed as a roofie-ing piece-o-shit...I grew up with - and genuinely enjoyed - this guy’s comedy.

And you can judge me for this, but...I still think his stand-up was and is genuinely funny, and I still appreciate the cultural impact that The Cosby Show had on society’s perception of African-American families, divorced from the stereotype of the ghetto. Fact of the matter is, works themselves deserve to be separated from the artist who made them. That’s my philosophy, and I’m sticking with it Entirely fine to disagree with me, by the way, I get it.

But in that spirit, I’m watching Annie Hall, despite its creators likely transgressions. After all, this is technically his magnum opus, and it’s a good look into the man himself. And so, with that in mind: Annie Hall! SPOILERS AHEAD!!!

Recap (1/2)

Alvy Singer (Woody Allen) is talking directly to us about his outlook on life, and his view on the potential future. He tells half of a joke, then an amusing anecdote, and a bit more until telling us that he’s broke up with Annie, and he’s still thinking about it, trying to figure out exactly where things went wrong. He goes back to the beginning, which is punctuated with flashbacks.

He grew up in Brooklyn in World War II, and a young Alvy (Jonathan Munk) is with his mother (Joan Newman) at the doctor’s. He’s depressed after learning that the universe will one day end after a period of expansion, and is having his first real existential crisis. I had mine around the same age, actually, went I learned that the Earth will one day get swallowed by the sun. And THEN came the realization that I’d be dead by that point. AND THEN came the realization that I’d die one day, and that was a WHOLE NEW crisis to...anyway.

He grew up under the Coney Island rollercoaster according to him (although his analyst says that he exaggerates), and that’s what he blames for his “nervous personality. He’s also got an active imagination, often blurring fantasy and reality. His Dad ran the bumper cars on Coney Island (a place that I’ve never been, but desperately want to go).

He continues on talking about his former schoolmates, and not really that well. While in class, young Alvy kisses a...little girl...ahem. And then, when reprimanded by the teacher, current Alvy notes that he was always...like that...and he also says this to the little girl, and they talk about Freud’s latency period, and Alvy said he never...had...one...that’s uh...that’s fuckin’ SOMETHING, now isn’t it?

OK, well, shoving that forcefully aside as hard as I can, Alvy wonders aloud on where his classmates now, and one of them says this:

This also involves a little girl saying she’s “into leather,” which is...awkward as FUCK, but WE’RE GONNA MOVE THE FUCK ON. Alvy recounts his paranoia, and was so even after he became a famous comedian (which we say after a VERY good joke about qualifying for the army as a hostage). He speaks to a friend, Rob (Tony Roberts) about potential anti-Semitism from a person in a passersby meeting, then heads to meet Annie.

Annie Hall (Diane Keaton) arrives at a movie theater, late and in a bad mood. The two are late to their intended film, argue briefly, then head to another film that they’ve already seen, The Sorrow and the Pity. In line, they’re in front of a man loudly soliloquizing on film, much to Alvy’s annoyance.

Annie and Alvy continue to argue a bit, while Alvy openly berates the casual film critic. In the middle, he talks to the audience about it, only to be followed by the crtiic himself, who also acknowledges the audience! Huh! Anyway, he’s a professor at Columbia, and starts continuing his line speech, this time on the work of Marshall McLuhan, one of the most important early media theorists ever. And then, Alvy brings out Marshall McLuhan (Marshall McLuhan) to debate him on it, only for Alvy to turn to the audience and wish aloud that life could really be like this!

I’m beginning to understand why people like this film. It’s metacontextual before metacontextuality was really a thing in film. It’s a fourth-wall breaking movie in some fantastic ways. But will it still hold its muster after breaking the fourth wall’s become so commonplace? we’ll see, I guess.

After a showing of the film, the two return home, and Alvy tries to initiate sex. But Annie’s not really into it at the moment, and Alvy complains that they used to have sex all the time, and it’s been a while since. So, I guess that retroactively awkward scene at the school was meant to foreshadow Alvy’s high libido, that will probably cause some conflict in the film. Anyway, Annie notes that Alvy once went through something similar with Allison, his first wife. Who’s Allison? Flashback!

Allison Portchnik (Carol Kane) is a graduate student in political science, working for a campaign that Alvy’s about to perform for. He’s nervous, as he’s going on after another comedian. She comforts him by saying that she thought he was cute, and he does well. But we flash-forward to a night after they’re married, shortly after the death of JFK, which Alvy’s obsessing over, entertaining various conspiracy theories.

However, Allison rightly points out that his obsession is simply a way for him to avoid having sex with her, which mirrors the present-day situation him him and Annie. Flash forward TO Alvy and Annie, and there are just lobsters...everywhere, on the floor in their kitchen. After that commotion, they talk about Annie’s past romances.

And by talk about, I mean they LITERALLY WALK THROUGH her memories. And I gotta say...I fuckin’ love this method of storytelling. One of her previous boyfriends is an actor (John Glover), and his over-dramatic prose sickens Alvy. We see a second marriage of Alvy’s to New Yorker writer Robin (Janet Margolin), who’s dragged him to a stuffy high society party of intellectuals that he has no interest in going to. Same her, Alvy. I bet the caviar’s canned.

He tries to initiate sex with her - in the middle of the party, mind you - and she turns him down. later, when they get to it in their apartment, she’s unable to, uh...reach satisfaction. From there, we flash-forward after that marriage ends to a tennis match with Rob, where he meets one of his mutual friends: Annie Hall.

And for the record, Annie’s pretty obviously got a crush on him, and she’s adorable as fuck. Also, that outfit, real talk...that outfit rules. She offers to give Alvy a list, during which he’s quite worried about her driving, but the two still get along well enough. Annie’s an amateur photographer, during a time period where photography is considered a relatively new art form. The two go to her apartment, and share familial anecdotes and personal stories about themselves. And as they talk, we also see a set of subtitles on top of each of them that betray their inner feelings and thoughts.

I do genuinely like the stylings of the movie, goddamn. This conversation leads to Alvy asking her out on a date, although they end up scheduling it after Annie auditions at a nightclub as a singer. And while it doesn’t go great, Alvy tells her she was fantastic, and they share a kiss before they head to dinner. They head to her place afterwards, and we cut to later that night, post-coitus.

And then, we get a flash-forward back to the next day, where the two are at a bookstore, and Alvy speaks on his personal philosophy of life.

I'm obsessed with uh, with death, I think. Big - big subject with me, yeah. I have a very pessimistic view of life. You should know this about me if we're gonna go out. You know, I - I feel that life is - is divided up into the horrible and the miserable. Those are the two categories, you know. The - the horrible would be like, um, I don't know, terminal cases, you know, and blind people, crippled. I don't know how they get through life. It's amazing to me. You know, and the miserable is everyone else. That's - that's - so - so - when you go through life - you should be thankful that you're miserable because you're very lucky to be miserable.

Iiiiinteresting.

Shortly into their relationship, they admit they’re in love (or “lurve”, as Alvy says). She moves in with Alvy, which he initially isn’t the biggest fan of, having been burned in two previous marriages And already, their relationship is showing a few bumps. Alvy’s also always trying to push her to take college classes, while she uses mariuana whenever they have sex, which Alvy doesn’t agree with.

But as they have sex one night, without the marijuana at Alvy’s urging, Annie’s mind wanders - LITERALLY.

This film...this film has a VERY unique style of visual storytelling, and I am HERE for it! Seriously, I genuinely love this method of storytelling and comedy, it’s extremely engaging to me.

Soon enough, Alvy gets an interview to write for a talk show host, which he ABSOLUTELY despises. But in doing so, he decides to go into stand-up for himself, and is actually quite successful at it! But before we get to that, we’re at the halfway point! See you in Part 2!

[twiststreet]

Tenet (2020) thoughts:

1) That movie owns.

2) I have no idea what happened during any moment of that movie, and did not understand anything that was happening on screen at any time whatsoever, not even a little, for serious.  *Makes interesting Hand gesture*. 

3) It didn’t matter to me that I didn’t understand Tenet; I don’t understand normal movies either.  Here’s all I’ve been able to figure out about movies generally: they’re a series of photographs, except shown to you very very quickly.  (What’s that 30 Rock joke?  “I finally understand the ending of the Sixth Sense.  Those are the names of the people who made the movie!”).  

4) The dialogue is atrocious and frequently VERY FUNNY (entirely accidentally!) and also very confusing.  Sometimes someone will respond to questions by saying “you just haven’t thought about quantum testicles” very solemnly and it’s like oh okay, sure, I guess i haven’t, this movie’s got my number.  But all the dialogue is said very very quickly and I think that’s the movie’s way of making it clear that it doesn’t really have any interest in you understanding or enjoying the dialogue, whatsoever.  So to me, that basically balances things out.  

If you’re of the Chris McQuarrie “Emotions > information” school, that’s a valid choice!  I got to watch Michael Caine talk about secret cities at 5000 words per second-- understanding what any of that meant is unnecessary. Nobody’s making me do a book report!  There’s not going to be a quiz!  Get nutty with it, Caine, homework is over, the Berlin Wall has fallen, love is free if you want it.

(I did like that the only heartfelt dialogue in the entire Christopher Nolan movie was Michael Caine saying “fuck a Brooks Brothers, wear some nice clothes you asshole”-- I thought that said a lot. It said Tenet. Note: I would wear nothing but Brooks Brothers, if I had the dough but if Chris Nolan feels differently, so be it. I did not direct Batmen and look, I appreciate that he believes it-- it’s called celebrating diversity-- *interesting hand gesture*).

5) Here is That movie owns backwards:  Snwo Eivom Taht.  (Tenet.)

6) Just as I did not understand every other scene in his movie, I did not understand anything that was happening in the last action scene, in terms of the geography of the action or its meaning.  But things were exploding and guns were going off and my hair looked good (Tenet), and for me that is enough. Understanding geography, cause or effect is for my betters, and I accept my place in this life-- RIP Bourne Franchise (2002-2016).

7) Denzel Washington’s son is very good and only does an impression of his dad a few times, but it feels like we only get glimmers of how cool he could be in a movie, if they built a movie for him just right.  I feel like he’s got a cooler movie than this in him.  (Well, it’s called Deja Vu and it stars his dad and it’s fucking incredible).  Anyways, then occasionally his love interest Robert Pattinson pops up saying “I know how to do heists in the most ridiculous way possible” while loud techno music plays and I just like that dude, likable screen dude, so I was into that.  

And occasionally, the Tall Blonde Giraffe Woman from Widows is on screen and that is also extremely interesting to me not in that I find her desirable as I would obviously have no idea how to interact with all that, but in that she seems like a James Cameron creation, except in our world and I enjoy science fiction (Tenet).  

This was mostly a good time in terms of the casting, with the big exception of Kenneth Branagh, the charm of whom wore off for me a long time ago.  I find him boring and stuffy. He’s not my dude.  

8) Two Heists, and a pretty goddamn fun opening sequence, though-- I was really into that opening 10 minutes.  And heists!  Anne Hathaway is doing heists in a week or two on HBO, too.  I love heists so much.  The first movie I saw this year was Ocean’s 11, which I’ve seen a million times, and has never (will never?) gotten old for me. I will like any movie where people do heists because heists are a thing that reminds audiences that sexy people should do sexy things in movies and/or with their lives, and I think that’s a Good Lesson for Our Times (Tenet).

9) Even though I could not comprehend what I was viewing, I tried to guess what was going to happen at the end during the movie anyways, even at one point pausing for no other reason than to congratulate myself for figuring out what I imagined would be the movie’s big twist.  All my guesses of course turned out to be 1000% wrong.  This happens every single time I see any movie, including romantic comedies, my guesses never work out. But I do it anyways, this movie included, even though I did not understand this movie or time or space or, as it turns out, I also don’t understand how bungee cords work (???).  I try to guess the plot anyways, no matter how many times I’m wrong.  Does that make me a hero?  Well, what’s a hero... 

10) I just thought it owned because cool things kept happening to slick, globe-trotting professionals, and that is a genre I like and support and want out-of-touch Hollywood zillionaires to make movies in every year, several times a year. I want to see dudes in suits who are rad beating up dudes in kitchens-- kitchen fights are always good in movies. Except: ones where the grown-ups in the movie are more interested in having sex with each other would be nice because that is also a thing that makes movies better.  Needed more nudity.  Time nudity.  (Tenet).

[davidmann95]

Hey David? Why is ours such a cruel and merciless God?

mirrorfalls said: (If you don't know what I'm talking about, your inbox should be filling up with more specific deets riiiiight about now.)

cheerfullynihilistic said: THE SNYDER CUT

Anonymous said: You don’t seem to think Superman’s public rep will take another beating from the Snyder Cut coming out. Honestly I thought you’d be way more upset than you seemed on Twitter.

Anonymous said: So uhh, against all thoughts and logic the Snyder cut is being released? Maybe as a mini series? Thoughts?

Anonymous said: SNYDER CUT!

Bullies. Jocks. Guys angrily asking if we know who their father is. Assorted dudebro nerd-oppressors of America:

You have failed us. You have failed us so hard. What else do we even keep you around for if not to head this shit off at the pass? Shame on you.

Okay, so seriously: I’m actually gonna put most bitching and moaning under a cut, because I know firsthand there are as many as several non-slavering maniacs out there who dug Man of Steel and Batman V Superman: Dawn of Justice and who are simply and entirely reasonably excited that they’re getting this movie after all. I don’t feel like throwing a wall of text at them shitting all over this, so I’ll lead off with I think some fairly even-handed commentary on the real-world circumstances here, rambling speculation regarding the production, and some cautious optimism about the actual movie/s. THEN I’ll get to what I imagine most of you are here to see.

So totally in a vacuum: this is a cool, good thing. I’m the notorious theatrical Justice League-liker, but at best it was a compromised product due to the original creator - who like it or not clearly had an incredibly ambitious personal vision for these characters and their world - suffering a horrific tragedy forcing him off the project, and leaving his final stamp on blockbuster culture and a world he’d devoted years of his life to a flop with his name on it when he couldn’t even truly call it his own anymore. At worst, said tragedy was taken advantage of by suits to ditch him in the home stretch so as to try and shove out something ostensibly more marketable. But now because of a...very loyal fanbase, the man’s getting the opportunity and resources to rise like a phoenix and see at least some of his vision through in a huge way. That’s pretty remarkable.

Not in a vacuum this is fucking horrifying. I’ve already seen folks poo-poohing the reflexive fears that this will ‘set a precedent’, and they were right enough that I deleted my initial tweet on the subject because I didn’t think I could express my own opinion with any nuance in the space of 280 characters. Yeah, nerd whining definitely shaped Rise of Skywalker (another movie I enjoyed in spite of the circumstances of its creation). Hell, Sonic the Hedgehog crunched its CGI team prior to unceremoniously firing them to redesign his model thanks to outcry. That’s already a market force, and just to be clear upfront, if we can’t agree the predominant mode of operation for #ReleaseTheSnyderCut has been a toxic nerd harassment campaign when they spammed posts memorializing deceased actors and chased Diane Nelson off Twitter, we’re not gonna be able to have this conversation. And director’s cuts are you may have noticed also already a thing. But this isn’t changing direction on a project that’s already going to exist no matter what, this is turning back 3 years later on a commercial flop and dumping tens of millions of dollars into it, explicitly in response to that harassment campaign. It’s not *actually* going back and, say, remaking The Last Jedi, but by god to the naked eye it’s gonna be as good as for plenty of fanboys, and probably to some shortsighted execs as well. This is a new thing, and in this context it is a very, very bad one. Hopefully one that won’t amount to anything.

As for the movie itself: what the hell is this thing going to end up being? I assume with this sort of cashola being pumped into it we’re not getting any slapdash greenscreen or storyboarded sequences, but four hours? Is it really just going to be an expanded and revised version of what we saw in theaters, or is this including content that would have been in the originally planned Justice Leagues 2 and 3? My understanding is that those were already compressed into a single Justice League 2 before plans collapsed altogether, were they maybe filming side-by-side and this’ll be the whole shebang? If not is Snyder going to hedge his bets and end this on a clean note, or keep it ending on a cliffhanger in hopes HBO will throw another $250 million his way to keep going? Does DC want to keep going? Would they give into fan pressure on releasing after all what was widely publicized as the first film of a duology or trilogy with dangling threads if they weren’t going to be at least watching the numbers to see the feasibility of returning to this in a bigger way? Not that I think WB execs would piss into Snyder’s mouth if he were dying of thirst at this point if he simply asked to be able to do Justice League 2, but if he floated that if they instead just give him a liiiiiiiitle more money he can finally deliver unto them their very own Avengers - one that they can work on even during quarantine since it’s mostly just VFX work left - and hey if it works out he’s got a sequel or two cued up and ready to go? Maybe they look at their scattered plans and say the hell with it and end up giving this a theatrical release and sequel with Snyder holding the reigns again if this ends up a killer app; stranger things have happened, if not many, and somehow this is already happening in the first place after all. Alternatively, if this succeeds, could they go “thanks and good on ya, totally do another, but it’s gonna be an HBO exclusive so you’re only getting a hundred million, figure it out”? Would Ben Affleck return? How much reshooting will he be willing to commit to even for this? And most importantly, since this is potentially going to be serialized as six ‘episodes’, will We Got This Covered count this as another ‘win’ since their bullshit rumor mill algorithm spit out “Justice League HBO TV show” recently?

As for the project itself: I ain’t subscribing to HBOMax for this bad boy, but once it becomes more widely available I can’t claim I won’t probably watch it. It’s basically a new movie about the Justice League, and if there’s anything I WOULD wanna see Zack Snyder do in the DCU, it’s the movie finally moving past pseudo-realism (aside from some of those dopey costumes) and leaning all the way into godlike superbeings bludgeoning each other through continents. I absolutely wanna see his aesthetic take on the Green Lantern Corps, and New Genesis, and time travel, and all the other weird promises of where his movies were going to go climaxing in a ridiculous super-war across all spacetime. It’s the same reason J.G. Jones was an exciting choice for Final Crisis before he had to leave, seeing a guy known for his work in an ultra-real grungy superhero style starting there and building up to seeing his version of absolutely wild cosmic spectacle. And no, to respond to one of the initial asks, I’m not worried about the impact on Superman. Everyone seems to have accepted this is its own distinct thing whether they like it or not, I think him getting to complete his ‘arc’ will quiet down many of the folks who like to yell at every other version as retro nonsense since now they’ll be able to be smug about having had the best take rather than pining for a lost finale, and I’m not interested in further Superman movies at the moment anyway with Superman & Lois in the pipe (which I was originally paranoid would be endangered by this when rumors first started floating, but if it’s been brewing since November then if they wanted to strike that down to ‘make room’ according to their Byzantine ever-shifting rules, they would have by now). Far as I’m concerned, as long as the other DC movies get to keep doing what they’re doing during and past this - even Pattinson in his corner, however that works - then totally let Snyder work out all his Wagnerian superhero bullshit for another flick or two. If nothing else, maybe we’ll learn what the hell that diagram up there is supposed to mean. And a plea I want to clarify upfront is wholeheartedly sincere: we’re already down the rabbit hole, so let Snyder to literally whatever he wants with his non-theatrically released Justice League. Zero input or veto power from outside parties. If he wants Flash to hang dong or Superman to say fuck or Batman to learn he’s Steppenwolf’s secret dad or Cyborg to learn he needs to eat babies to fuel his machine parts, let him go for it. Whole point is this is now his thing for people who want his thing.

Okay, beneath the cut the filter comes off, so go ahead if that’s your jam.

Hahahahahahaha this is gonna be such a fuckin’ shitshow you guys, Jesus Christ.

They’re giving the dude who did BvS and wants to make an Ayn Rand adaptation someday $30 million to take another crack at this monstrosity! 30 goddamn million smackaroos for four fucking hours of by many accounts roughly the same basic movie, except now presumably with what little coherency, fun, and clean character work the theatrical cut managed to pull off excised in return for weighty staring, ponderous pseudo-philosophical musings, hackneyed symbolism, aimless mythology teasing, and Steppenwolf I understand being decapitated by Wonder Woman at the end rather than taken back to Apokolips. I didn’t even spoiler mark that shit because don’t you dare pretend you care about the fate of Steppenwolf. I won’t have it.

I used to wonder if I was indeed missing the forest for the trees with these movies, that I was so inflexible in my personal image of these characters - even though I appreciate plenty of alternate takes on them and even some stories that bend or break what I consider their ‘rules’, just not these - that I was incapable of grasping or appreciating these films on their own merits as works of art using those archetypes in wildly different ways; even I could see there were good moments and interesting ideas on display despite seemingly failing to come together. No matter how much I personally deconstructed how and why it wasn’t working, I couldn’t do it to my own satisfaction to the point of stamping out that niggling little worry with how many folks whose opinions I respect love ‘em. Until I finally remembered that the Cadmus arc of Justice League Unlimited is totally the same basic story as BvS, centrally driven by an even worse take on Superman, and that’s still one of the best superhero stories of all time. These just stink by any merits, and while I think Justice League absolutely has the potential to be the most *entertaining* of the bunch, it’s not going to magically become *good* in the eleventh hour. Not to lift up Joss Whedon of all people as some kind of savior, I’m on the record that my love for Justice League as-is is some kind of inexplicable alchemical accident, but I promise that there is not going to be one single addition to this movie that’s going to make up for the removal of “Just save one person”.

Also I’m already not looking forward to dudes tweeting “whoa, he’s splitting it up into a serialized narrative, reflective of the sequential nature of the characters’ primitive native pictorial medium! Or mayhap in ode to the pulp film adventure serials which inspired those in turn! Even the Justice League children’s cartoon for dumb babies, which was itself...made up of episodes! That’s three references in the structure of the thing alone! The man’s operating on an entirely different level!” “God, isn’t it amazing how much better he understands the source material than you”, they shall say, about a man who I understand just very confidently referred to Doomsday in his livestream as having destroyed Krypton in the comics. Again, don’t you say they won’t, just the other day I saw folks tweeting they just realized that since Jor-El wears armor over his bodysuit that technically means Superman’s whole costume is underwear which means Snyder’s totally honoring that without putting him in ugly dumb red panties so checkmate, dorks.

(Okay, in fairness, I know Snyder was saying that’s his take on what happened to the moon in the past of the movies and maybe I only misheard that he thought that also happened in the comics, and it’s trivial information anyway. Still sucks though, that seeming out-of-nowhere Jax-Ur shoutout was like the one thing I liked about that otherwise interminable Krypton sequence. And why is there a second Doomsday? You did Death of Superman already!)

And further SPOILER thoughts below on the reported plots of 2 and 3:

It’s also an amazing, perfect sort of narrative synchronicity that the hypocrisy of Man of Steel in presenting Superman as a savior would (will?) be matched by the movies also rejecting that promise long-term. In there, Jor-El’s musings on the capacity of every living thing being capable of good, the closest the film has to a singular moral statement, are proven wrong when Zod has to be put down like a mad dog, and rather than the one who’ll bring us into the sun, Kal-El’s presence draws ruin from beyond the stars to our world. And again in BvS with Doomsday. And again in Justice League 1-3, where in spite of claims by Snydercutters that it’s okay for Superman to be a really lousy take on Superman because it’s totally supposed to take several movies after putting on the costume and calling himself Superman, including his own death and resurrection, for him to really, like, become Superman, man, he remains a liability to the end. His death lures in Steppenwolf, the Kryponian matrix in his genes is Darkseid’s goal, he becomes the villain of the first act of Justice League 3 - possibly of his own free will depending on which version you’ve heard about - and at the final showdown, it’s Batman who sacrifices himself to stop Darkseid and save the world and inspire the rise of superheroism, because Batman, you see, rules, whereas Superman, stay with me here, drools. A letdown given BvS was just about the one major story of the last 30 years to unambiguously conclude Superman is better than Batman, but not a shocker. None of what I understand goes down in these - iconography from the likes of Fourth World, Crisis on Infinite Earths, Death and Return of Superman, Rock of Ages, Final Crisis, and Injustice reused but stripped of all context and thematic weight that gives it meaning (even Injustice is built on the premise of having a ‘good’ Superman to contrast the dictator); Lois being the ‘key’ because of her connections to two men, one she married and one she bears; time travel that even by the very generous suspension of disbelief applied to it in a genre like this operates by two obviously completely different sets of rules in its only two uses, and is then used to write the entire second movie of the trilogy out of continuity in the first act of the third, making one and a half of these movies pointless - is shocking. It’s just more empty notions and unfulfilled promises offered up to a fanbase staking everything on the idea that all the tampering, all the wild swings, all the meandering, it’s all building UP to something, not possibly just a dude who doesn’t understand these characters but wanting to look very clever with them before building up to one more rad punch-up. So yes, make these movies. Let what can be gleaned from them as worthwhile be revealed, leave the rest of it up for examination to be judged as it deserves and let it, finally. Finally. Be done.

[smokeybrandreviews]

F*ck Batman

After i finished the first season of His Dark Materials, i figured i might as well check out the other shows I've heard are good but were behind some ridiculous paywall i had no interest overcoming. There were a few candidates, Euphoria and Chernobyl were definitely at the top of that list but i wanted something a little lighter, a little more fantastical so i opted to check out Titans. I’m not a DC dude but my people who are, say this thing is pretty okay. I wanted to see for myself so i ran threw both seasons. I ain’t like. I was entertained but i can’t say I'm fan. There is merit to this show and it might get it’s sh*t together enough going into that third season, also getting that HBO money, but i was left wanting. However, upon my viewing, i noticed some things. This isn’t a review, but more sh*t that made an impression.

I really, really, liked this version of Raven. The youngster they got to portray her, Teagan Croft, is perfect in the role. I absolutely loved every second onscreen, even if that whole “I’m terrified of my powers” arc lasted WAY too long.

How the f*ck was Trigon the very first big bad? How you blow your load that fast? That’s like the DCEU going from zero to Doomsday in two movies. The f*ck?

Speaking of Trigon, those effects were awful. This show really needed that infusion of HBO/ATT money because whoa.

And as if to drive my point home even further, f*cking Dr. Light’s costume is mad terrible. Like, the worst. None of the costumes are really any good, except for Donna Troy’s and kind of Nightwing’s? The rest are high end cosplay at best.

Trigon to Deathstroke? For real? Whatever, bro.

Didn’t expect Ravager so soon. Absolutely love that Ravager is here. Chelsea Zhang is mad dope and embodies the character perfectly. She’s snarky, cunning, violent, and every bit the Rose Wilson i expect.

Surprised to see the Atomic Family in anything, ever. That sh*t was a super-deep cut. I had to look that sh*t up to make sure i was seeing what i was seeing.

Papa Dick is the best Dick.

The guy who plays Jason Todd has a weird f*cking face and it wigs me out every time he’s onscreen.

The music in this show is pretty bloody excellent. I kind of feel like that's where all of the budget went because, goddamn, there are some bops in this thing, for sure. That opening theme is f*cking ridiculous!

What the f*ck is going on with Hawk and Dove? They’re metahumans, literally the personification of war and peace. Who the f*ck greenlit these versions? They’re both just assholes in hockey pads with debilitating anger issues. Sh*t whack son.

Also, Hawk dick don’t work.

And Dove wants the Dick dick.

Lots of filler episodes, man. It feels like I'm watching an old anime from the Nineties.

Starfire took an entire season to grow on me. Anna Diop, the chick who plays her, was awful in at the start of the show but she got much better toward the end. She really came into her own, though, the second they teamed her up with Donna. They have great chemistry together.

Lots of wholesale murder, man. Like, so much murder. Constant stream of bodies, on both sides of the conflict. Sh*t is wild. I don't understand how Supes exist in this world, catching bodies like it's a baseball game out there. Bunch of f*cking costumed psychopaths just out in the streets, brutalizing people to death.

Show suffers from that “too many villains” thing. Just in the second season, you start with Trigon, move on to Doctor Light, then Deathstroke shows up, but the ultimate bad is CADMUS shenanigans. Also, Rachel is still doing her weird demon sh*t on the side, too.

I like Donna as much as i like Raven. Conor Leslie was chef kiss level casting. Also, i mean, she’s gorgeous.

I like the level of diversity in this cast. Lots of representation onscreen. Kind of wish there were more black folks, though.

Lots of melodrama. So much forced melodrama. I get that this is a teeny drama like experience but too much is too much, you know? I can only take so much teenage angst before i completely disconnect.

Titans is a decent watch, not really a decent show. it’s kind of all over the place but i understand the intent. I’m not super into all of the edgy, grimdark, reimaginings and this show has a REAL bad case of that but there are a lot of good ideas in it. I’m not a DC guy so this was a hard sell for me and the pitch was good, but not good enough. I imagine fans of the comics or the old cartoon show might like this take but, for me? Meh.

[eugenebondurant]

Summer Storm || Gene Roe x Reader

Summary: For you, the summer storms in Bayou Chene are one of the most wonderful things about making your home in Louisiana with Gene. For him, they’re a little too close to the sounds of battle. While the storm rages, you help him forget those times when he was always there for everyone else by being there for him.

Pairings: Gene Roe x Reader

Genre: Fluff, angst

Word Count: 916 (she’s just a lil’ fic)

Warnings: Nothing serious, Gene suffers from some PTSD but it’s not graphic, but better safe than sorry when tagging warnings :)

A/N: This was written for @punkgeekchic​ from her prompt in this ask, and I was so proud of it I thought I’d make it a post all of its own for my hbo war fic masterlist on this blog. Though I’m not technically taking requests, if you have a cute prompt you’d like to share, I’d love to hear it! I can’t promise anything, but I’d love to try if you want!

“Who’re you waitin’ for?”

You looked over your shoulder at Gene, feeling that same warmth you did every time he looked at you with that soft smile. He dried his hands on the kitchen towel and put it over his shoulder, just having finished the last of the dishes, and waited for you answer.

“I’m not waiting for anybody,” you said.

“Could’a fooled me, looking out that window all night long. You can’t hardly see anything in this dark, ‘specially not with a squall like this one.”

You smiled. “That’s what I was watching,” you said. “I’m watching and listening to the storm. Does it always rain like this here?”

He cast a glance through the lace-covered windows in your living room, not getting any closer. “Sure does. It’s a good thing you like the rain.”

“Don’t you?” you asked.

He shrugged. He turned and went back into the kitchen to put the dish towel over the oven handle, fiddling with the frayed ends.

You got up from the couch and walked over to him. “Gene.”

He looked up at you. “Yes ma’am.”

You couldn’t help a small laugh at the sweetness of his drawl, always respectful and a little bit teasing. He smiled at the sound of of your laugh and straightened when you put a hand on his arm, steadied by your touch.

“I’m glad you like the rain,” he said. “You’ll never be wantin’ for it here.”

Thunder rumbled close by, and you felt him flinch at the sound of it. Suddenly, it made sense - he didn’t like the storm. While it was comforting and peaceful to you, it was loud and frightening to him, perhaps too close to the sounds of battle. You paled and felt worse than you’d ever felt that you hadn’t figured it out before now.

“You don’t like the sound,” you guessed.

He gave you a smile that was part grimace. “Not really,” he admitted. “I used to love it as a kid. Now it just sounds like - ” he flinched again as the thunder rolled closer, “- goddamn sixty mortars.”

You ran your hand up and down his arm, hoping to soothe, worried to do anything else lest you upset him more. Sometimes Gene liked to be held when he was upset; other times, he was better left alone. You didn’t know what he needed and would have cleared up the storm yourself if you’d been able to.

“I really am glad you like it, though,” he said, a little paler than usual, but his soft voice just as sincere. “One of us should appreciate mother nature.”

“Oh, Gene, I’m so sorry,” you said. “I should have noticed, I should have thought of it - “

“Aw, hell, honey,” he said consolingly. “That’s ok. I don’t want you thinkin’ about war when you listen to a thunderstorm. I’ll be ok.”

You looked up at his face, those features so dear to you, those kind eyes and that nose that always seemed a little pink. You saw the fear he was trying to tamp down and the love he had for you anyway, despite memories of the war surfacing with every flash of lightning.

“I love you,” you said. “War and all.”

He gave you a sad smile. “Yeah?”

“Yeah,” you assured him gently. You stood on tiptoe to kiss him, and he kissed you back softly. He wrapped his arms around your waist and buried his face in the crook of your neck as the next peal of thunder sounded, his heart jackrabbiting in his chest.

He thought of D-Day, with the flashes of shells far below in the darkness; he thought of Bastogne, when the flares had lit up the night in an eerie whiteness and machine gun fire cracked through the forest like a whip. For a moment, he couldn’t fathom how he’d survived, how he’d really been able to make it out alive to be standing here in his kitchen, holding you close as the rain drummed on the roof of your home in Bayou Chene.

“I’m sorry,” he said, his breath warm against your skin.

You ran a hand through his hair. “Don’t you ever apologize, Eugene Roe,” you said, gentle but firm. “You don’t ever have to apologize for that.”

He pulled back to look at you, to see all that love he could never deserve but was going to spend the rest of his life trying to be worthy of. With you in his arms and the love in your voice enough to ease his fear, he could almost remember what the storm would have sounded like before the war; thunder that cracked and coiled after lightning, rain persistent and steady on the roof, deep and dark and comforting in its predictability. He hoped he’d be able to listen to it like that again, and forget the way it made his bones ache with fear and his shoulders tense with worry, unlearn the instinct to listen for the call of “medic!” after every roll of thunder.

For now, at least, you were there - you were in his arms, and you were safe and warm and steady in the face of his fear, friends with the sounds of the storm that seemed only beautiful to you. For now, that was enough.

“Thank you for lovin’ the storm,” he said. “And thank you for lovin’ me.”

You just kissed him them and held him close, and for a moment he almost didn’t fear the storm at all.

let me know if you’d like to be added to my hbo war taglist!

[etherealwaifgoddess]

Adapting

Summary: Bucky tries adapting to the 21st century but finds the challenge too much for him. He loves Steve, but he can’t imagine ever fitting in to the modern world and it leads him to a drastic solution.

Content Warning: A very sad Bucky. Very brief mention of period-typical homophobia. Overall this one is a little angsty but it has a happy ending, promise. 

Word Count: 2.3k

Author’s Note: Hello lovelies, it’s been a while! I’ve been trying to get back into the groove of writing over the past few weeks and that posed more challenging than I’d expected. I managed to get this little fic where I wanted it though and figured I’d share it while I try to wrap up all the other stuff I’m working on. Hope you all enjoy :)  XOXO - Ash

Adapting

After a few months of living in the twenty-first century Bucky found he both loved and hated it in turns. When he’d been cleared as completely deprogrammed and sent home to the states he thought he couldn’t have been luckier. He was finally a free man, from both the government and the decades of brainwashing. Bucky was looking forward to living with Steve again in Brooklyn, the two of them on their own and free to do whatever it was super soldiers do in retirement when they’re not even thirty yet. The world was his oyster, he thought to himself as they signed the lease on a cute little condo right in the heart of their old neighborhood. 

The glamour of the twenty-first century faded quickly as Bucky tried to adjust to everyday life. Steve, who had been doing well on his own for four years, was eager to help Bucky acclimate to the new century. Unfortunately, Steve took to that as he did with all things; barreling in head first all at once. Bucky needed time to adapt, he couldn’t just throw himself at something and become good at it like Steve could. As much as he loved Steve, and god did he ever love that man, it was hard keeping up a brave face. Even harder, was that the love he’d felt for Steve back in the 30s hadn’t diminished one bit. 

When they were young being gay was a death sentence. Something so secretive that even back alley whispers could ruin a man’s life. Bucky had known he was gay since he knew what it was to want someone in that way. And like most things in Bucky’s life, it all came down to Steve freaking Rogers. The fine boned little blonde who never knew when to quit, his giant spirit housed in such a delicate frame. Bucky never acted on his feelings, never dared to, but some days he wished he’d had. It had been enough though, the time they’d had together in their tiny apartment over the Miller’s garage. He knew it wasn’t a crime to be gay anymore. He’d caught on to that pretty quickly, thank you HBO, but he still couldn’t bring himself to share that truth with Steve. Maybe someday. Bucky needed time to process and evaluate before proceeding, just like everything else in his life. 

One of the first things Bucky really minded was the food. Steve had warned him that everything tasted a little different nowadays but claimed he’d get used to it. Steve loved all the different types of takeout you could get in the city, willing to try anything and everything. Bucky found he couldn’t get past how fake everything tasted, like he could sense the lingering chemicals. Steve continued to insist they’d find something Bucky liked, even trying to ply him with bags of candy and boxes of mass produced cookies, trying to cater to his sweet tooth. Bucky gave up finally after a week where he’d spent ninety percent of the time hangry. He headed down to the farmers market and loaded up on all organic produce and heritage bred meats. He found an artisanal bakery that used simple organic ingredients too. Bucky took to making his own food from his farmers market shopping trips and was finally able to enjoy a meal. Steve, bless him, continued to try and find things Bucky would like but it never seemed to work out. Bucky felt guilty every time he’d have to pass something back to Steve with a “no thanks, pal” and the light of hope in Steve’s eyes dimmed. 

Steve was quite attached to his iPhone and thought for sure Bucky would love one too. He came home one afternoon with a sleek, shiny, little phone for Bucky, handing it to him like it was something priceless. “It does everything, Buck. You’re gonna love it.” he insisted. Bucky did not love it. The tiny black device only served to piss Bucky off more than anything. He could never quite get the hang of navigating it and his fingers always felt too big when he was trying to type. He’d loved technology when he was younger but the phone was just a bridge too far, and one he was not ready to learn how to cross. “I’m a hundred goddamned years old, Steve. No, I don’t wanna learn how to tweet. I’ll leave that to the fucking birds.” he grumbled, throwing the phone down on the coffee table after yet another one of Steve’s well intentioned attempts at teaching Bucky how to use some annoying app. Steve let up after that, leaving Bucky to poke around on the phone only when he was willing. Bucky knew Steve was upset that his gift wasn’t well received, but he was too frustrated with himself and the whole situation to apologize. 

Socializing was even becoming unenjoyable for Bucky. He used to go out every weekend to the dance halls and, when they were flush, the bars or clubs. Bucky was always the life of the party with a dame or two hanging off his arm, while Steve had shied away, content in the shadows. The times had certainly changed. Steve was now the one urging Bucky to hang out with the team and go out to the movies, but Bucky couldn’t have had less interest. He didn’t want to hold Steve back, and he felt horribly guilty when Steve would give him that damned sympathetic smile and say “It’s okay, Buck. We can just stay in.” when he very clearly wanted to go out. Bucky just couldn’t seem to fit in. He didn’t get the jokes or share the same interests with anyone and it was exhausting trying to make it seem like he did. So he preferred to stay at home in their condo, reading books or watching documentaries on their ridiculously large TV. He did occasionally enjoy when Natasha would drop in. It was seldom, but sometimes the tiny redhead would drop in unexpectedly with some old fashioned, homemade, Russian dish tucked under her arm for him. They would sit in silence watching a documentary, not having to say a word. She would give him a gruff hug and then be on her way. It was perfect and Bucky enjoyed her drop ins more than he’d admit. 

Everything came to a head after Steve’s birthday party. It was a week from hell as far as Bucky was concerned. He’d wanted to get Steve new paints and canvases, the expensive ones he’d seen the blonde fawning over a few weeks prior. Buying the supplies involved either going out in public alone, not ideal, or internet shopping, even worse. He tried to get them online but gave up after an hour, wanting to smash the damned laptop. Forcing himself to go out in public when he was already in a foul mood served to be just as disastrous, but he made it somehow. Then there was the party. Steve deserved the biggest, grandest party a guy could ask for, as far as Bucky was concerned. He wanted the best for Steve, he just didn’t want to be part of it. Steve looked at Bucky like he’d kicked his puppy when Bucky had told him he didn’t think he would be attending. So Bucky had put on his brave face and joined in on the loud, obnoxious party on July 4th to celebrate. Every drunken laugh and cheer grated on his nerves but he was coping and was quick to smile and nod every time Steve would look over. The last straw was the damn fireworks. Bucky hadn’t even stopped to consider how he would be with the fireworks but he quickly learned he was very not okay. Steve was staring up at night sky like it was the most beautiful thing he’d ever seen, completely enraptured by the show. Bucky was digging his nails into his palms so hard blood trickled slowly down to his wrist, his whole body shaking uncontrollably. In between blasts, he miraculously managed to excuse himself for a bathroom break, and locked himself in the bathroom where he could fall apart for a few minutes. Maybe the shrink Steve had drug him to was right about the whole PTSD thing. Fuck. 

Bucky was certain when he woke up the morning after Steve’s party that he was ruining the other man’s life. There was no sugar coating it anymore, Bucky was bringing Steve down by being with him. Bucky didn’t think he’d ever adapt to this new world and he was so damned tired of trying. He wished they’d just left him on the ice in Wakanda until they needed him for a mission or something. It had worked out for the past seventy years, it would probably be better knowing it was the good guys pulling the strings now. Sure, Steve would miss him at first but Bucky was convinced it was for the best in the long run. Who needed a socially inept, only slightly stable roommate who couldn’t do anything on their own? And Steve, self sacrificing saint that he was, would never complain about it. Which honestly just made it worse. Even when Bucky had his low spells and would spend days on end curled up in bed, unable to even function, Steve was there to support him however he could. It was just too much to throw on the man, no matter how hard Bucky was trying or how much he loved him. 

“I think I need to go back on the ice.” Bucky said one night over dinner. He was only half way through his roasted chicken and potatoes but he couldn’t wait another minute.

Steve choked on his pad thai. “What?!” he yelped once his coughing fit had stopped.

“I need to go back on the ice.” Bucky was firm in his decision, “I’m not meant for this world, Steve. You know it as well as I do. So let’s save everyone the headache and put me back under. If the team ever needs me you can just bring me back out to help.”

“I’m gonna be sick.” Steve jumped up from his spot on the sofa and started pacing, running his hands roughly through his thick blonde hair. “If we did that to you we would be no better than Hydra. Do you get that?”

Bucky sighed heavily, he should have known Steve wouldn’t get it. “It’s nothing like Hydra. The Avengers are the good guys. I won’t be brainwashed or tortured or anything. I’ll just take a long, chilly nap and you guys can bring me out when you need me.” 

“I need you!” Steve cried, exasperated. 

“Stevie,” Bucky’s tone softened, pleading, “I’m ruining your life, pal. I can’t, I won’t, sit back and watch you give up this amazing life you could have if I wasn’t in it. I want you to be happy.” 

“That’s fucking rich.” Steve barked out a harsh laugh. His pacing stopped and he stood stock-still to stare a Bucky. He couldn’t hold it back anymore. “I just want you, Buck. How can you not see that? It’s only ever been you. Even when it was just you and me in that shitty little apartment in 1936, when we were so broke we couldn’t turn on the heat. I...” Steve’s voice broke with emotion and he shook his head. 

Bucky’s chest ached, terrified of what Steve was saying. It couldn’t be. “What are you tryin’ to say?”

Tears shone in Steve’s eyes. “I love you. I always have, and I guess I always will. I know you think you’re not adjusting to life now but you’ve only been here for six months. It took me a whole damn year to really get my bearings. I won’t give up on you. Not when I just got you back.” 

“How long?” Bucky cleared his rough voice, “How long have you felt that way?”

Steve shrugged, “Since forever, I guess. I’m sorry, I know you’re not-”

“I’m gay.” Bucky blurted out, cutting Steve off. “And I’ve loved you since the minute I could put a name to the feeling.” 

“Fuck.” Steve cursed, crossing the few feet to pull Bucky into his arms, “Fuck, we’re terrible at communicating.” He crashed his lips down on Bucky’s, frantic and desperate. 

It wasn’t a perfect first kiss but it was everything to Bucky. Steve’s warm palm rested on the back of Bucky’s neck, stabilizing him as he drowned in the other man. It was rough and heated and absolutely perfect. “I love you.” Bucky rasped out in between kisses, “I love so much.”

“Don’t leave. Please don’t leave me again.” Steve pleaded against Bucky’s lips, holding him closely, “We’ll figure it out, Buck. I promise. Please.” 

Bucky trembled, tears falling with giant sobs. He was so emotionally worn out and he clung to Steve like a lifeline. “Okay. We can try.” 

It took another six months and a few extra therapy sessions, but slowly Bucky began to adapt. It wasn’t easy, and it wasn’t quick, but that was okay. Change happened slow and gentle, like dawn rising up over the city rooftops bringing warmth and light to everything it touched. They found compromises and Steve did his best to be patient with Bucky, even though sometimes he practically vibrated out of his skin with the effort to slow down. They moved Bucky into Steve’s room and adopted a fluffy white cat they both doted on endlessly. Bucky eventually found common ground with Sam and they even made a weekend trip down to DC to visit him and do some sightseeing. After seventy years of being apart, and twenty years before that hiding their feelings, being able to be openly in love felt like the biggest blessing either man could have asked for. It wasn’t perfect by any means, but they were together and that was all that really mattered. 

[moon-ursidae]

GAME SESSION 5 RECAP

i’m super sad to say that this might be the last session recap! i want to try to finish the game tonight bc i feel like i’m so close to the ending. idk what i’m gonna do with my life afterwards haha

i plan on writing a big post about my experience playing this game as a whole, and other thoughts i had other than me just writing down gibberish as i play lmao. i just love this game to fucking bits.

as per usual, spoilers for both games and the hbo series below!!

i genuinely am scared to finish this game bc it’s been the only thing that’s kept me going this week before the semester 😳

hours played: 3-4ish?

ALRIGHTY FOLKS! SHOWTIME!

alright so we’re at the section called highway exit

starting off in the stairwell directly after joel asked ellie if she really wanted to go through with this

“well i ain’t leavin without ya. let’s go wrap this up.” ALREADY STARTING OFF WITH A BANG HUH?

i love them.

this poor dude died on the shitter

elvis?? HAHA SORRY

“i’m sorry joel.” “that’s okay ellie.” 😭😭 AHH

i genuinely could not imagine losing your daughter like that, then having to move on so fast for your own survival. fucking insane.

and the piano in the back? so beautiful

SHE TOOK THE PICTURE OF SARAH AND JOEL😭😭

“well, no matter how hard you try, i guess you can’t escape from your past. thank you” AFTER HE TOOK A DEEP BREATH😭😭😭

oh my god that is very much a bloater

THERE ARE SO MANY?? WHY??

that had me C L E N C H I N G

“that’s something you can do when we’re done.” “what?” “teach me how to swim” “you got it.” go away i’m emotionally unstable

oh god it’s the hospital

every time they tell each other to be careful, specifically ellie telling joel to be careful and he ALWAYS reassures her. like just now i’m ferrying her across on the palette and she said “be careful” and joel responded “i gotcha” UGH my heart strings dude. they’re being tugged

joel pulling a nathan drake w the ladder breaking lmao

i’m amazed i figured out how to get across that fast

oh damn these are some rapids

i have an inkling something is going to give way and joel or ellie is going to be swept away by the current

“you’re gonna catch me?” “i got you” 😭😭

“see? you didn’t even need me” I’M GONNA CRY HE’S SUCH A DAAAAD

WHAT DID I FUCKING SAY DUDE

OH MY GOD ELLIE NOO

HER JUST FLOATING STOP IT

OH MY GOD

HE’S AT GUNPOINT BUT STILL GIVING CPR OH MY GOD😭

“c’mon ellie” DESPERATELY GIVING CPR

NOOOOO FUCK THAT GUY FUCK YOU ASSHOLE YOU’RE A PIECE OF SHIT

MARLENE!

“and ellie?” SUCH. A. DAD.

“it was her. she fought like hell to get here.” crying in da club

“maybe it was meant to be” yes that they bonded and became father and daughter. was absolutely meant to be i agree.

”take me to her.” “you don’t have to worry about her anymore. we’ll take ca-“ “i worry. just let me see her please.”😭😭😭😭

they’re so hopeful for a vaccine no matter what and he’s just so worried about ellie🥺

“find someone else” JOEL ANGY

aye! lay off my man here bro

yoooo i didn’t know marlene knew her that long!

“then why are you letting this happen?” the desperation and anger in his voice :(

“if he tries anything, shoot him.” marlene all due respect but i feel as though joel is the one that will be doing the shooting

THE WAY JOEL LOOKED BACK AT HIM AFTER HE WAS SHOVED 🫢

this dude is so fucked

BRO DO NOT F U C K WITH JOEL OH MY GOD

“i don’t have time for this” GODDAMN

this shit is so intense my hands are SWEATING and i only just cleared the first area of fireflies

the west wing? but i was taught by beauty and the beast to never go there! lmao

that guy coming out of the door scared the shit outta me

OOF this surgeon’s recording about ellie’s immunity and that it’s huge for the better of mankind

wait that would be abby’s dad then right??

damn. marlene’s recording. fucking crazy. i couldn’t imagine being joel though and getting confirmation that they HAVE to kill ellie to make a vaccine.

so in game, it’s april 28th. gotcha. noted

marlene talking about how they radioed in that they spotted an old man and a young girl 💀 joel’s not that old guys c’mon

“yea that’s it. i’m comin’ ellie.”😭😭😭

marlene’s voice recordings :(

she won’t kill joel bc he understands how difficult the choice is

and he’s kept her safe from boston to fucking utah. across the damn country

OH MY GOD THE SURGEON TEAM’S SHADOWS IN THE FUCKING WINDOW

jesus fuck bro

“sweet jesus.”

GUYS LOOK IT’S ABBY’S DAD

one choice and the second game would go SO differently dude.

god seeing ellie on the table hurts my soul

i’m hesitating shooting them dude holy fuck

i shot 2 of them i feel horrible i left the woman i feel horrible oh my god oh my god oh my god

i feel so fucking bad right now i feel so GUILTY

“come on babygirl” 😭😭😭

THE WAY THIS IS SO FULL CIRCLE

I KNOW JOEL IS HAVING FLASHBACKS RN I FEEL HORRIBLE

RUNNING FROM PEOPLE IN GEAR SHOOTING AT HIM WHILE CARRYING HIS DAUGHTER😭😭😭😭😭😭

this music dude. i’m gonna fucking cry.

joel keeps saying that he’s gonna get her out🥺

the way it just fucking cuts to the pov of him driving. insane.

“turn out there’s a bunch more like you ellie. people that’re immune. dozens actually.”

the way he stuttered after the shot of him shooting marlene AH

i kind of hate the way that he’s lying to her, but i understand. we see how it affects them once she learns the truth about what happened.

“i’m takin’ us home” 🥺🥺

“i’m sorry.” HE’S APOLOGIZING FOR SO MUCH THAT SHE ISN’T AWARE OF RIGHT NOW AND THAT UUUGH

i am indeed crying

“you’ll just come after her.” BRO. JOEL.

i fuckin- need a MINUTE bro

another outfit change slay sorry i felt like that was a big switch up from what just happened haha

oooooh i’m playing as ellie? this is weird

“sarah and i used to take hikes like this. i think the two of you would’ve been good friends.” 😭😭😭😭😭😭

ELLIE AGREEING🥹😭😭

jackson!

the fucking music is making me emotional

“i struggled for a long time. surviving.” AND THEN RUBBING HIS WATCH I’M FUCKIN- I CANNOT DO THIS

THEM OPENING UP TO EACH OTHER😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

“swear to me. swear to me that everything you said about the fireflies is true.” UH OH.

“i swear.” i-

THE SHOT! THE FAMOUS ELLIE SHOT! AH!

“okay.”

CREDITS?

i- wh-

i’m just kinda sitting here frozen bc i don’t know what to do now

my life is so different now

there was a version of me before playing this game and now i’m here and do not know what to do

it’s bittersweet. i feel like a tightness in my chest bc i’m sad but a happiness as well bc this game was amazing.

chills. goosebumps all over my body.

i cannot believe this is over.

great i’m C R Y I N G now lmao

THE LAST OF US THEME PLAYING NOW YYYEEEAAAAAAAA

HER KNIFE IN THE WINDOW STOP. OH MY GOD.

i have so many things to say, so i’ll do a seperate post on that like i mentioned earlier.

all in all, jesus fucking christ.

[lovinmullen]

the pacific: part one, live blog because i said so

he looked so pissed when he has to make the sign of the cross to mary..... I KNOW ITS BECAUSE HES FALLING AWAY FROM HIS RELIGION but all i can think is undercover protestant????? i hate that i find myself funny stfu tom like he’s some angsty protestant like ‘this is fucking bullshit why the fuck DO THEY PRAY TO MARY’ which..... is a huge missconsperion but i’m not gonna get into that right now but hey if anyone needs an rs teacher? i got you

are you telling me i could have heard the most BEAUTIFUL monologue about the saint mary’s church and her plans for the day as well as being able to see that sweet sweet smile on vera’s face for longer but it was cut short because bobo went ‘i joined the marines’ GOOD FOR YOU BUT.....

rOBERT...... you really gonna give her THAT look...... IN GODS HOUSE is this allowed? is THIS ALLOWED???? if you don’t say it in the voice of the vine we can not be fteejssn sorry i don’t make the rules

#BOB: i wanna catholic girl that go to church AND READ HER BIBLE (is that even right??? omg i can only remember the jewish one *in the voice of ryan reynolds severely slowed down* FUUUUUCCCKKK)

on a real note this man saw her at church ONCE and his ass went finna wife up like........ take her out to dinner first. OR AT LEAST ASK HER HOW SHE IS IN THE LETTERS like we get it you’re emo, the aussie won’t shag you anymore and you keep pissing your pants. i understand it’s a hard not life or how ever that song in annie goes but bro.........(this is obviously a joke i am dumb of ass please ignore me i love you m8 and i’m sorry you’re gonna embarrass yourself in front of everyone but chuckler shifts to momma mode so you good)

can we please acknowledge jon’s acting..... sir? PHENOMENAL he’s not even saying anything??? he’s just looking at the lt yet i’m near tears

gentle reminder i love the basilones🥺🥺🥺 the way they are so supportive even though they don’t understand and they are scared for him but they accept and respect that john wants more, needs more and they’re putting their own fears aside so he can spread his wings for no better turn of phrase.

‘just get the job done, and come home to us’ the way his head falls and he has to stop his voice from breaking. i’m s fucking bitter

THE HAND HOLD MY GOD

leckie:((( look hes a bastard and he pisses me off but no matter how much i bully him i do love him a lot and the complete disregard and uncaring nature from his dad breaks my heart. a handshake then gone just like that? HIS FACE BEFORE ‘there’s a war on everybodies got to make sacrifices’ he looks so hurt and broken baby

GENE MY SWEET SWEET BABY GOD THIS SO SAD ALEXA PLAY DESPACITO. my baby just wants to do his part :( CUT THE CAMERAS DEAD ASS I WILL CRY BABY PLEASE DON’T CRY JUST WAIT A FEW MORE EPS my heart really do be looking like: <eugene3

‘gene, supper’s ready’ ma’am i’m sorry but he does not give a shit

SIDNEY MY SWEET SWEET BOY get in a pram if you’re going to be so baby. look while i love him so much and i know he didn’t mean it to be !!!!! he’s just small of brain !!! but when he says “i wish we where going together” that lowkey rubs it in man......... like he’s already heartbroken PLEASE STOP but the “yeah well you take care of yourself greaser” - “you don’t have to worry about me” IM SOFT🥺

“wOWoWOoOOO COME ON GUYS I WORKED HARD FOR THESE ORANGES”

“guadal...kenel...guadal BLEEHHH” didn’t realise hoos was recreating the audience of my english speaking exam. LOOK I REALISE NOW TALKING ABOUT STOICISM TO A BUNCH OF 15 YEAR OLDS WHO DON’T CARE WAS A BAD IDEA BUT I GOT A DESTINCTION SO FUCK YOU TO THAT ONE KID

chuckler baby..... i’m in love with a dumbass. also the hit across the head. i’m soft (lads lets take a shot every time i say i’m soft in this liveblog ITS GONNA BE A FUN NIGHT jk drink responsibly and all that jazz or be dick winters that’s cool too!! heck do a babe heffron and get yourself a caprisun you deserve it)

“professor leckie” please don’t fuel his ego HE DOES NOT NEED IT

HOLD UP I NEED TO SWITCH FROM THE TV TO MY LAPTOP TO SCREEN CAP THIS SHIT LEW MY SON HAVE YOU BEEN BITING INTO AN ORANGE LIKE IT IS AN APPLE??? I WOULD BE MAD BUT HE LOOKS SO CUTE on a real note though can you eat the skin???? will he be okay?????

okay two hoos things: 1.) he looks SO DONE and i’m living for it 2.) can we talk about jacobs nose..... IM DYING TO TALK ABOUT JACOBS NOSE

okay the boats scene give me saving private ryan flashbacks i came out here to have a good time AND I AM NOT HAVING A GOOD TIME oh wait never mind runner just went ‘i could really use a stiff one right now’ i hate that but he saved the day with his dumbassery so thank you good sir i love you with all my heart

fun fact my how co ranking goes chuckler, runner, hoos, leckie

OH FUCK I FORGOT SID SJAKSJSJ y’know for someone who talks about how much they love sid i forget about him a lot. thank you for blessing my screen with your pretty face it helped me remember you exist LMAO guys my memory is not okay i’m actually concerned...... but more importantly i’d put him between hoos and leckie in the ranking :,)

call it what it is. babyism. y’all better stop before i cuddle you LOOK AT THIS SHIT THEY’RE ADORABLE

runner is the only bitch i respect in this house he’s so fucking funny

‘they’ve? poisoned? a? billion?! coconuts?’ that poor son of a bitch BLESS HIM don’t shoot the messenger okay? he seems like a sweet bean

that shot of hoos, leckie and chuckler looking down at the camera into the bunker? my sexuality. my left brain: tomas stop thirsting it’s an intense and serious show. my righ brain: but?? they’re pretty?? me nodding smugly and in agreement: BUT THEY’RE PRETTY.

THIS MAN AND HIS GUM I CAN’T why is that me. i am the gum man at my school that sounds so weird ajsksjsj i just always have gum. ALSO spearmint is superior to normal mint. NORMAL MINT BURNS LIKE ITS SPICY BRO. bubblemint is superior superior but that’s more expensive rip😭😭😭😭😭😭

‘it’s like the fourth of july’ nice to my boy sufjan getting some rep he is king of the gays after all mr i can’t explain the state that i’m in the state of my heart he was my best friend. we all owe him EVERY parallel on this goddamn app. jk there’s one other king of the gays and that is demon! shane (bfu). no this is not up for debate

the shot of the ships is phenomenal. that’s one thing i do have to credit hbo on. the special effects and cinematography are beautiful and so fucking impressive like???

‘we’re killing them’ - ‘where’s the navy?’ / ‘gone we lost four cruisers’ GOD I HAVE SUCH A LOVE HATE RELATIONSHIP FOR FORSHADOWING LIKE SOMETIMES ITS SO SEXY AND OTHER TIMES IM LIKE PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD GO AWAY

WHY DOES SID LOOK OVER HIS SHOLDER BEFORE TAKING THE WINE SIR NO ONE IS GONNA TELL YOU OFF AT WAR FOR DRINKING UNDERAGE like???? i don’t think an 18 year old having a swig is their biggest problem bless his heart

‘can’t fight em drunk don’t fight em at all’

bill if you are reading this i’m free on thursday night and would like to hang out. please respond to this and then hang out with me on thursday night, when i am free😌😘🥰😳🥺👉👈😤💘💓🙄🥴

FUCK I FORGOT HOW LOUD THE GUN SHOTS WHERE THINK I JUST WOKE THE WHOLE NEIGHBOURHOOD JC

‘skipper? skipper are you okay?? goddamnit he’s lost it come on’ :(((((

god the shots in this show really are phenomenal. i know it’s very gory and very hard to watch at times but it definitely has the best shots of the three en mi opinion. i’m a slut for the close up of dick screaming ‘move out’ with rounds flying. like who’s ever call that was? outstanding but like that’s just one? the pacific has so many emotive and excellently shot scenes.

JOG ON. STOP. IM SO SOFT IM GOING TO CRY THIS IS NOT OKAY. MOMMA CHUCKLER I CAN’T🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺

how seemlessly the scenes flow one after the other despite being opposite ends of the spectrum i DID NOT GIVE TP ENOUGH CREDIT like yeah it makes me sad as fuck but from a production point of view the writing? the acting? the cinematography? DAMN

how visibly torn and pissed off hoosier looks over the other marines tormenting the japanese soldier, stringing out his death when he’s obviously in a lot of mental as well as physical pain? the only bitch i respect in this house.

okay so like? while the shot is scarring both for him and the audience to see that kind of effortless murder it was the right thing to do? it’s better then have him be tormented and it will help leckie in the long run? how broken he looks though? like the distance is his eye and the way he swollows....... WHO IS CUTTING ONIONS HUH???? brilliant james BRILLIANT

the way i just said ‘if biology would have permitted it i would be asking you to have my babies’ at the sight of a man shoving smokes up his nose....... now ladies theyzies and gents, a prime reason to show why you should do your work. this is tom. tom didn’t do his work. with nothing to do all day tom became bat shit..... don’t be like tom. okay like it is cute though COME ON

HOW PROUD AND SMUG AND HAPPY HE LOOKS AT HIS PREMOTION ‘yes ma’am i am a corporal’ HE IS SO BABY AND FOR WHAT. oops sorry lads looks like i dropped this:

the shot of leckie swimming in the water fading off to the shot of the dead bodies mirroring his movement but obviously a life less version OOOH IMMA SUE

god love me some men with black lungs LECKIE DO BE LOOKING GOOD LIGHTING THAT CIG DAMN

“i have a girlfriend lucky me” HOOS IS LIKE MY GAY ASS YOU SURE????

“you guys step aside the real marines are here now” “AND I’VE BEEN HERE FOR SOME TIME” that shuts iconic even i said wahayyyy

also runner..... i am looking RESPECTFULLY👁👁

you’re not special leckie we all want hoosier

sister👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀

baby gene :,( YOU GINGER LIL BEBE I LOVE YOU SO FUCKING MUCH

can you really call yourself a hbo war an if you don’t sing along at the end... ITS A TUNE also hoos’ voice...... its about the drawl.......