#he also stole my car keys so I was late to work this morning

[nixiegenesis]

DUDE, YOUR CAT IS SO ORANGE LMAO

He’s the absolute orangest baby I have ever met

His ears are so floppy lol

[soil-just-needs-water-to-be]

OMG IM SO EXCITED TO THIS INSTALMENT ARGHHHH I HOPE YOU ENJOY IT AS MUCH AS I DO

Word count : 4k

Warnings : mention of food and dieting , Weed

IM SO EXCITED

Mattys POV

(A week or so has gone by since last instalment)

Oh my god things have been wild lately, George is finally visiting today he's going to be here for at least ten days I believe and I can't bloody wait for it. I couldn't sleep last night we were up all night on FaceTime, he fell asleep eventually because he "didn't wanna look like complete shit when we first met", which is stupid because he can't look bad in anyway , to me. His train was due at 4 this afternoon but since I hadn't slept I had started getting ready at 7am , showered, dressed in skinny jeans and a floral shirt that I'm sure I stole from my mum once upon a time and my Docs because what else would I wear, I had spent at least half an hour just trying to make sure my hair didn't look like a damn bird nest or that I'd been dragged through a hedge backwards, brushed my teeth and even had some breakfast. It was now 8:30 and I'm pacing, like actually pacing because I hate waiting. He'd texted me this morning but he doesn't want to show me his outfit because he wants it to be a surprise so in turn I said I wouldn't show him mine which is hell because I love this shirt so much and love showing it off. On what feels like my fifth lap of the house my dad had tried to convince me to sit down for a bit but even if I did it would be roughly five minutes before I was up and moving again. So in turn he'd asked if I wanted to go for a drive which I accepted gratefully. I think he was taking me to Tesco to pick up some stuff for dinner later.

We were just walking around the shop my dad pushing the trolley and me just shoving literally anything in it. "So this lad then, George is it?" , I nod with a smile on my face. "What are we to call him, like is he your boyfriend or just a friend who you like, or just a normal friend". My dads just amazing always trying to understand things

"For now he's just a friend that I like but Um we're somewhat both interested in one another but haven't asked the question yet, so please don't call him my boyfriend yet because I haven't asked and don't want to scare him away yet", I throw at least five packets of noodles into the trolley. "He likes noodles , is that enough or should I get more?"

"Son , your gunna work yourself into a headache just breath okay, I'm sure everything is going to be just fine" , I take a few deep breaths and we continue on through the shop. Stopping to drop a few more things in.

"Uh Dad, Would it be okay if we got some alcohol?, I promise I won't over do it" , I know he probably can't trust a word I say because I can't prove that I won't but I really want him to trust me.

"I'll be honest lad , I think we'll have to ask your mum first and we can come back later if she says it's okay" , we just ponder around a few more isles and drop random things into the trolley "you haven't smoked today have you!"

"Not yet no , why?"

"Would you like to drive the car home ?" , we loading stuff onto the check outs , I do have my lisence I got it last year and I do have a car but my mum and dad took my keys after the crash with Janey because they didn't trust me in the car unless I was with one

of them.

"Are you sure dad!"

"If you'd like son , just be careful yeh?"

"Oki thank you dad , honestly thank you", I threw my arms around him and he held me just for a second and we made our way to the checkouts putting all the items through and packing them up, I'm a little meticulous about the packing and how to do it so dad just lets me do it my way "Also da , we need to go to the pharmacy my medication is ready to pick up"

"Which ones is it where picking up today lad ?" , we'd picked up like 2 other ones this week but I think they were for anxiety and anti-sickness but these ones are just supplements for food.

"Just food equivalent to help me get my appetite back like the ones I had years ago" , my dad payed for the food swiping his card across the card reader and waved goodbye too the cashier as we leave and as he's packing up the car I jump in the front seat and get myself accustom with the steering and gears again.

"You all ready then Son", he jumps into the passenger side and buckled up eager to see how well I do

"As I'll ever be ,I guess"

The drive to the pharmacy wasn't to bad to be fair, I'm still a pretty good driver and my dad said I did well so I'm happy about that. I didn't want to go in again for like the 3rd day running so Dad went in for me giving me a second to just breath and reply to George. Last message I got he was still getting ready he doesn't have to leave for the station till around about 1 and it's only 9:30, I think we both just got a little to eager.

MATTY: my dad let me drive !!!!

GEORGE: yeh ?, how did you do?

MATTY: haven't driven in a while so thought I'd mess up a little but it actually went okay, we've been to Tesco to get food for the next few days , we're at the pharmacy now and then where going home and I think I'm going to tidy my room cuz it's an actual pigsty might ask mum to help

GEORGE : don't have to tidy for me love, my rooms a shit tip

MATTY: I will anyway

As my dad came back I slid my phone back into my pocket he handed me my medicine to make sure it was the right thing because he really had no idea what is was called , neither did I to be honest but it looked right so I just flung it on the dashboard and we made our way back home

We unpacked the bags in the kitchen as Loius ran around looking literally as excited as I felt as he'd grown to really like George too they interacted a lot over the past week , and when I told him George was coming to visit he got so darn happy he climbed up onto the middle island in the kitchen and watched us unpack

"How long till Georgie is here Maffu ?"

"He's coming today little dude but it's still a long time yet" , after unpacking the last bag I pick loius up and manoeuvre him so he's on my back, and I carry him back up stairs and flip him onto my bed " you gunna help Maffu clean up ?"

"I don't wanna tidy Maffu but I'll watch", he's always just soooo me and it makes me laugh and ruffle his hair again as he looks up at my with the big smile and those big blue eyes.

"That's okay, can you get Mummy for me then"

"Oki", he jumps back off the bed and runs through the house , leaving me stood in the middle of the room looking around trying to figure out where to start, it really is such a mess in here, mugs and plates everywhere, piles of clothes, shoes just milking around , stacks and stack of books , dvds and cds and my bed isn't even made. I get lost in my thoughts when I here a knock on my door that makes me jump.

"Sorry love didn't mean to startle you, what was it you needed me for?"

"Can you possibly help me tidy up in here , I don't know where to start and it's so bad" , she looks around just as baffled as me, then strides over and pulls me into a hug.

"Love ,what happened in here?"

"I just haven't had the effort or will power to clean up Mum, sorry" , I hug her close and then as we separate herself we both look around and make a mental note on where to start

"Right first of all love , take all the dishes downstairs and ask you dad if he can clean them up , then come back up and we can sort your clothes out okay", I nod and then get to picking up the cups and plates grimacing when I realise how bad it actually is. I run downstairs with the dirty plates and mugs dropping them carefully into the sink, then run back up the stairs two at a time to help mum. "What clothes are clean and what aren't love ?"

"Most of its clean it just needs to be folded and put away really", it takes me a few more seconds to actually sit down and start folding a pile that was next to where I stood, Im so bad at keeping up with cleaning it bores me. I noticed mum stand up and start putting clothes into drawers and stops to look at something already in the drawer

"Matty , love what are these?”

I drop the shirt I was folding onto the floor as I know exactly what she was talking about as I know what I’d been hiding in that drawer, I scratch the back of my neck as I breath in ALL the air that was in the room and try to piece a reply together. My mouth opens and closes a few times but no words leave my mouth.

“Matty love?”

“It’s nothing important Mum, just put it back please” , I take three big stride across to her and place my hands around the books “Mum seriously it’s nothing”

She did let me take them and shove them back the drawer as she takes a tentative seat on my bed and pats the space next to her. “Sit down for a minute please my love” , once I’ve got the books properly back into the drawer and place myself down next to her. “Can you please tell me why you feel the need to have books about dieting love”.

“It’s not important Mumma , it doesn’t mean anything, I just have them”

“First off Matty , I’ve been keeping an eye on everything to do with your eating habits for a while and I know there not very good , your skin and bone love , and you only ever call me Mumma when your anxious , so please you know I’m not going to be mad , can you please explain to me why?”

I know she won’t be mad and I know it’s not something that’s that big of a deal but its still scary to talk about , so as I think of the right words to say I just ponder in my mind what I need and look around my room as I try to explain. “It’s just about the element of control , I was losing control of everything in my life and I was freaking out so bad you know , like I had zero semblance of control, but then I found a book at school about diets like I know people diet duh , but um when I read it, a lot of it was about how people diet to gain control over something, so I tried and I read a lot of them but then I even lost control of that and I’m scared again so I hid them so I wasn’t as embarrassed about losing control of even that and people wouldn’t ask if they saw and I wouldn’t ave to talk about it”

“Matty , I know things are hard right now love , and I’m proud that your talking to me , but why couldn’t you tell me earlier”

“I don’t know Mum really, I guess I just didn’t know how to” , I got back up from my bed and went back over to the drawer taking the books back out and contemplated them for a while. “Can you take them Mum”

“What would you like me to do with them?”

“Just don’t let me have them I guess , I’m going to try to get better , Dr Adrian gave me the medication for it and I’m gunna work harder at everything I promise”. I get back to the cleaning of my room “Mum?”

“Yes love”

“I’m sorry for how I’ve been lately and I’m sorry for worrying everyone, I also appreciate you for letting George come because he really helps me be a better version of myself and I really hope you can see that when he’s here , I know I haven’t known him that long but he really does help me”

“I’m so glad that you’ve found someone that you can talk to Matty , you don’t have to apologise everyone goes through hard times , you’ve just got to pick yourself up and if you need help keep talking , be it to me or George or your dad even Louis , I know he’s just a kid but even if you talk you’ll feel better”

“Thank you”

It takes us a few more hours to tidy up my room it really was a state , and I talked to my Mum the whole time about how I felt about everything and anything. When we had finished the tidying and cleaning up it looked like a completely different room I hadn’t seen it like this in at least a month.

It’s now 12:30 and although I’m more than excited to see George the restlessness was starting to get to me again, George had informed me he was on his way to the train station now his train was at 2 and it took him an hour to get to the station. It was getting harder to not be nervous because I was really just watching the time tick by. I’d rolled a joint after I’d finished cleaning my room but hadn’t got round to smoke it yet because dads trying to keep me busy until we have to go because he knows if I’m just sitting waiting then I’m going to get irritable. With this being the first time I’d had a break today I decided to just let them know I’m going for a smoke. So now I’m just sat outside on the front porch relaxing as I smoke the joint.

Matty: I’m so nervous darling x

George: I’m actually shutting a brick 😂 , would your dad mind if I went for smoke when I got off the train or would he wanna get going straight away ?x

Matty: He won’t mind , I’m sure he’d understand

George : I’ll be grand then , will you be waiting for me on the platform or will I meet you outside.

Matty : I’ll wait on the platform you dick😂

George : thanks love x

I slide my phone back into my pocket and finish my joint before making my way inside, I know it’s lunchtime and I should eat but I’m not the hungry yet but Louis came running through to the kitchen and attached himself to my leg “How long now Maffu” , I picked him up and put him on the counter while messing up his hair, he’s got a lollipop hanging out his mouth so I didn’t really catch what he said, I took the sweat out of his mouth for a second.

“What was that kid ?”

He smiled a lopsided grin at me and rolled his eyes dramatically , so much like me. “How long till Georgie is here silly?”, I gave him back his sweet and he shoved it back into his mouth even though I was just holding it my hand was sticky so I turned the tap on and started washing my hands

“He’s getting on the train really soon , then daddy and I will go get him , do you want to come too?”, he again smiled at me his eyes growing to the size of bowling balls and he take his sweet out of his mouth again.

“Can I ?”

“If you want too kiddo , just finish up with your sweet and wash your hands and then we can talk cuz that’s going to take you ages to eat”

“I don’t want it anymore, you have it” , he went to hand it to me but I told him that’s it’s okay and just to put it in the bin , he runs back over to me, I lift him up and help him wash his hands. “Will George play with me when he comes ??”

“I’m sure he will Kiddo”

I spent the next few hours just playing about with Louis , on the play station, watching tv with him , helped him with some homework that he had left around about 2:30 he fell asleep on my lap while we were watching the TV , George had texted me saying that he was now on the train half an hour ago, and we should be leaving in an hour because it doesn’t all to long from ours to get to the station here, so I took Louis idea into consideration and tried to take a nap myself which in theory maybe wasn’t the best idea but I was starting to get tired so that I did , I set an alarm on my phone for 45 minutes so I could get my head down for a little while. I layed myself down trying not to disturb Louis and sleep consumed me

My alarm woke us both up at 3:15 , Louis was not too happy with it, he was still tired and he was throwing a little hissy fit “hey kiddo , I know your tired and I know you wanted to come to pick Georgie up but you need to calm down for me so we can get ready to go can you find your shoes for me ay ?” , he just clung to me his tiny frame shaking as he cried “hey hey hey it’s okay , you can have another nap you know , come on kiddo no need for tears”

“But I’m still sleepy , I wanna go bed” , as I got myself he was still clinging to me so I decided to take him upstairs to bed his head was resting on my shoulder the whole time. “Maffu , is it okay if I just stay here”

“It’s okay kiddo , just get a big nap for me and when you wake up George will be here and you can play all day yeh” , he nodded against me as I lay him down on his bed and tucked him up and kissed his head

“I’ll see you later okay”

“Okay Maffu”

I got myself completely got my leather jacket from my room , checked to see if my dad was ready, he let me know that he was just going to finish his tea and then we’d get going. So I just waited by the door, annoying I know but I just wanted to get going. Once he was ready I raced out to the car like I was 7 again jumping into the passenger side as my dad made his way to driver seat and we got going. I couldn’t help my leg bouncing up and down anxiously the whole way there, I’d bitten my nails raw Mum would have killed me for it but dad doesn’t mind. I’d chain smoked the whole ride there out the window of course and really it wasn’t that bad the train station was just half an hour away so it was really not to bad. We got to the station with 15 minutes to spare so I checked my hair in the middle mirror of the car and started fussing with my outfit until my dad told me again that I looked absolutely fine and to stop worrying , I sat and waited for literally only two minutes before I decided I just wanted to go in and wait so I just told my Dad that I’d let him know when I’ve got George and we’re going to have a smoke before we come back, he gave me a quick nod and smile before I got out and made my way inside

Inside the station was so busy, people milling about the place, so much sounds and smells, it was so hot in there as well but I tried to gather myself and push through I saw that the train from London was going to be arriving on platform 3, I started making my way there but there was quite a lot of people waiting there aswell and I could feel myself getting anxious and my nerves were getting the best of me so I hung back and just sent George a quick message letting him know that I am inside but I’m not on the platform because it looked busy, he replied not to long free to let me know that it was okay and he’d call me once he departed the train and I could let him know where I was which helped me alot. I decided to wait outside WHSmith a small convenience store that was off to the side of the platforms , True to his word after a small five minutes more of waiting my phone started to buzz in my hand and George’s contact appeared on my screen

“Hey there”

“Hiya love , that’s me just coming off , where is it your at ?, you doing okay it’s not to busy for you is it ?”

“I’m stood outside smiths , I’m okay for now it’s not to busy round here I’ll be okay, I just really can’t wait to see you now”

“I’ll can see it , from where Im at so I should be there in no time at all handsome”

I couldn’t help but smile , my heart was racing , basically jumping out of my chest in anticipation, I could hardly wait, there wasn’t much conversation going on between us we were both just keeping an eyes out for each other, He soon caught my eye “I can see you , you lanky fuck”, despite feeling nervous and anxious about everyone around us the fact that I could see him sent a jolt of pure joy through me and I felt my legs starting to race to him. As I began running to me I could see the moment he clocked me and he just dropped his suitcase open his arms to me and I ran into his arms and burried my face in his chest pushing my phone into my pocket without even hanging up. We stayed there in each other arms for what felt like an age not saying anything just holding each other and it felt so right

“Hiya handsome” , I pulled away first but not all the way just enough so I could look up and his and the smile on his face was everything I needed to feel relaxed. I could feel the blush rising on my cheeks already. “Jesus , you really ARE a lanky twat aren’t ya” his smile grew bigger if that was even possible and we giggled to each other and he pulled me closer to him

Once we’d sorted ourselves out taking at least another five minutes just holding one another we were just stood line idiots smiling at each other and he eventually picked his suitcase back up and I’d sorted my phone in my pocket I took his hand and lead him outside to the smoking area.

“Babe , you looks so cool, by the way” , I stopped dead in my tracks when I heard the word babe leave his mouth and it had my blushing even more than I thought humanly possible and I took his hand that was in mine and kissed it as we both giggled again.

“You look so fit”

[spontaniuss]

I've never felt so alone while being surrounded by many people.

Its Friday March xx, 202x. This is what I am sure of.

I swore I just woke up today, did my usual routine and got to school but something felt of. Im not sure if I just ate something bad last night but my mouth feels chalky and dusty as I am brushing my teeth. I pay no mind to it at first as I am going to rinse it off, but that feeling wont leave me. I walk back to my room and get ready for my day. Keys, wallet, phon- Wait. I look to where it is supposed to be at, next to my bed on its charger, but surprisingly its not there, just a pile of duest that mist have settled throught the night. I sigh as I realize this is another dask I must do when I return from work. But now, I panic. I dont know how late I am to work and realized I didnt wake up with any alarm. I run through my house and find it sitting on my dinning room table. Huh, I must have forgetten after I ate dinner last night.

I click the side button to find out how late I am today. No luck, its dead. Great. I wipe the phone screen onto my pants, noticing that it also has baby dust bunnies settled onto it.

I dont even bother to have breakfast, never really was my routine anyways and just run out the door. I run to where my car is supposed to be at, but i just find an empty parking space. No broken glass, no broken rools. Not how I expected my day to begin. I start walking to my nearest bus station, knowing if I just get to work, I can charge up my phone and call the cops. My mind starts racing and panicking at the scolding from my manager. Luckly, he is a big goof with a big heart. He will understand, right?

I walk into the store and imidiately get greeted "Hi, welcome to xxxx" I laugh it off, its a running gag at this point.

"Hey guys, sorry Im late, someone stole my car-"

"Oh, did you have an appointment?" Soira asks while looking at me quizically.

"Haha, an appointment to work" I respond as I walk towards the back rooms to clock in. I imidiately get stopped by Alfred. Alfred glared down onto me, using the height difference to highlight his anger.

"Hey boss, let me clock in, let me-"

"Am sorry, who are you? Only employees back here"

"WOW ALFRED! Im late a few moments and you no longer remember me, such a friend you are!" I joke at my boss while I poke his side to make him move out the way.

"Ma'am, I think you may have been mistaken, Alfred and I are the only two that work here" Soira states. Her blue-gray eyes pierce through me in pure confusion. I chuckle a bit before looking at her.

"Soira, you too? I know im just a transfer, but I have been here for at least a month, you two MUST be pulling some sorth of skit huh"

Soira and Alfred look at each other in what I assume to be genuine confusion. A cold sweat runs down my back and im suddenly being escorted around the counter.

As confused as I was, i began to ramble, "Guys, what ever prank yall are pulling, this aint funny anymore. I was already having a shitty morning, I dont need this too. Come on, I transfered from the Northside location. Soira you solde 5 products yesterday to a family of 3, Alfred, you were just bitching how our regional manager doesnt give us freedom. I can show you yesterday's numbers too. I have them on my pho-"

"Okay, I dont know what elaborate prank YOU are pulling but this isnt funny. For you to know sensitive information is creepy, and judging by how you were going to the back to 'clock in' is already terrifying. Please, call your previous location to clarify this."

When those words left Alfred's mouth, I can only feel what I can only describe at dread. That uneasy feeling returned and punched me in the gut. I look down onto my shirt to make sure Im in uniform. Its not like I would continue going head to head with them.

"Okay, can I borrow a Samsung charger. I need to make a few calls."

Soira reaches under the counter and hands me a new looking charger. I take it and akwardly walk towards a corner table, plus it in and wait a few minutes before the screen of my phone flashes white and turns on.

57 missed calls, 103 messages. Great.

I click on ignore and rush to my phone keypad. I dial my mother's phone number and it doesnt take long for her to answer.

"Hello?"

"Hey ma, do you think you can help me, I-"

"WHERE ARE YOU?? IM GOING TO PICK YOU UP, ILL BE RIGHT THERE, PLEASE STAY ONTHE PHONE WITH ME, DONT LEAV-"

"Ma, im okay, my car got stolen, im currently at my job in the southside location, my phone was dead so i probably couldnt answer because of that"

I heard wailling from the other end of the phone and I couldnt help to just roll my eyes. Mom has always been overly emotional but this. This is a bit much. She really insisted on staying on the line as she rushed over to pick me up. I could hear my younger brother screaming in the background as I can assume as pure terror. He never liked hearing mom cry or being in a super fast vehicle. I can only imagine the terror of those two combine.

Eventually, my mother pulls up in her blue mini van, only that it looks more rusted and banged up than what I remember. She gets out of the car and runs over to hug me and usher me into the car. The ride home was just filled with silence and quiet sobbing. I know better than to ask what is wrong. Tears and driving do not mix, and whatever has her in this state must be terrible. No need to make it worst.

As we pull up into my mom's driveway, I notice my car parked deep into the garage. My older brother is just standing outside with his hands on his hips, looking at me amused. I cant help but laugh and point it out to mom. She looks at me at as if I had grown 3 heads.

"DO YOU THINK THIS IS A JOKE? YOU HAVE BEEN GONE FOR 7 MONTHS, AND ALL YOU CAN DO IS LAUGH AT US???"

I blink at my mother's harsh words. I look at her face and notice that she is serious. I couldn't help but check my phone. Still Friday March xx, 202x. Yup

"Ma, what you mean 7 months? I was here yesterday when Drima told us he is graduating soon. I was here when father told us about a new project at work", I open the door and step out the car, getting that same feeling of dread pulsing through my chest. Soon that was pushed aside when Drima bombarded me with a hug. I held on to the door, hoping i dont get knocked over. I slowly turn around and look at him starting to tear up. Never in my life have I seen my older brother tear up, except when his guinea pig died of old age. Its like he had accepted the fact that I trully was gone.

Taking a deep breath, I finally manage to mutter, "I think we need to go inside and talk, this is too much"

---

"Are you sure you werent kidnapped?"

"No, I litteraly remember yesterday and everything what happened"

If the feeling of dread was overwhelming before, its suffocating now. I kept on being asked the same questions over and over, trying to find any flaw in my story, any detailed I missed out, any information to call bullshit on. My family's faces turned ghost white as I summerized their lives for the past 7 months, without missing a beat.

Their shock was shared with my best friend and boyfriend, who promptly arrived when they heard of my reapearrance. I was walked through the house as if I had lost my memory. Nothing was different than how it was yesterday. My mother had to step away to wail some more, and my father finally came around to see with own two eyes the 'truth'. I kept trying to ask questions, but no one seemed to be answering. I started believing in these crazy stores that 'maybe I was a ghost' or 'maybe I jumped dimentions'. These theories kept swimming in my head, but I can not recollect anything being different. In the midst of this, squad cars appeared at the front of the house and two officers walked in. Like any soap opera traditional police questioning, they of course had to question my sanity.

"Im telling you officer, I have all these details fresh in my mind. I woke up, in my bed, went to work, they wouldnt believe me either"

"Are you sure you werent just hallucinating, you know, letting the ol' brain getting the best of ya? Did you maybe run away with a boyfriend?"

"Absolutely no way, I was just with Jun the day before yesterday. I promise you, this is isnt hallucination of shit"

I began to question so much. For example, if I trully was gone, how was my apartment paid and my phone bill paid. How do I have explicit memories of things said. Why are some things different but not others? The officers eventually let me be alone to my thoughts for a moment, as they informed my mother that I might need to see a psychiatrist or an exorcist. That I had really lost it or playing a really sick joke. I felt like a child, where no one will hear because 'they dont know any better'. Retreating back to my room was the only thing that made me calm down. Entering it really felt cold, like no one had been there for a while. Light dust coated my desk and dresser while my bed was neatly folded and tucked, like my mother likes it to be.

"Lex, we have to talk"

I turn around and Jun was just leaning on the doorway with his arms crossed.

"Jun, please, if you're going to sit there and just call me crazy, please dont, I-"

"No one says youre crazy"

"Really? Cause Im currently about to loose my shit and you are here wanting to 'talk'. Your pose and demeanor doesnt really scream supportive boyfriend"

"Aw, come on Lex, no need to be like that. I just wanted to hear the answer without any bias or prejudice"

Jun walked towards me and wrapped his arms around me, pulling me into an akward hug. The person who was my santuary is now a source of uncertainty, polluded by the clouds of uncomfortable air. The arms who used to contourt to my body now felt like twigs just wrapped around me. You would think something like this wouldnt just change over night. I slightly pushed him away and continued inspecting my room in silence.

"Lex, I just want to know, did you run away with someone?"

Those words echoed in my room, as if the furniture was non existant. For some reason, that question stung more coming from his mouth than the police officers'. I knew turning around to face him was a terrible idea. I knew that my next steps would lead to me slapping or shouting at him. Tears overfilled my eyes quickly, not out of sadness, but out of frustration. Shakly, I managed to compose myself and give him an answer after what felt like like hours.

"No, for fucks sake, Jun, I did not run away, if I went to dinner with your parents on Wednesday!"

"...are you on drugs?"

Ignoring Jun from that point seemed like the better option. Gaslighting me is certainly not something I am fond of. My head started swirling, and I opted to sit down on my desk. I advised Jun that I wasnt feeling good and to please exit my room. The air behind me shifter to hesitation, neverthe less I could hear him shuffle his way out and close the door behind him. I looked out the window momenterely and sure enough, everything looked the same like yesterday, but it wasn't. If i am to continue with the idea that I really was missing for the last 7 months- I can already tell I am in deep shit.

I search in the drawers next to me for any journal or scratch paper and a pencil. If I am to continue with crazy town, I should write everything I remember from the last 7 months. Opening my the 3rd drawer to my left, it made me remember that it had a false bottom. I took that false bottom to reveal a teal notebook. I could not seem to place it in my brain of when I bought it or where, but that it got there sometime last week. I opened it up to a new page and wrote everything. Absolutely everything.

Jun's Birthday, bought a build a bear and wrote letter as gift

Drima's birthday was the day after, took him to his favorite restaurant, he ordered mash potatoes and made him laugh so hard that they came out through his nose.

Mom got a new makeover 2 months ago and turned his skin orange for a week.

Got a new promotion and transfered to a new location.

Change my car's oil 4 months ago at xxx

Sent Jess a curious meme about life partners and friend soulmates yesterday.

Went to the mall 5 months ago when I decided to buy a new couture dress. Jun was happy that I finally spent some money on my self-

Reality suddenly hit me like a truck when it came to finances. If I hadn't worked for 7 months, how was I affording my lifestyle. I pulled up my bank account. Surprisenly, it was as if I had not even touched my account. Even the loading screen said last log on : December 23, 20xx. My brain broke in half reading that. I know I logged on a week ago, and if I really was missing for 7 months, my log in screen would have said September. Checking my account, money had certainly been rolling into my account as well. Check from my employment had been rolling in with the notes stating it was for "family help". I add this to the list of things I have been keeping on my newly found notebook, grab my keeps and make haste to my car.

"Where are you going?"

I turn around and my mother was standing there glaring at me and my keys.

"Ma, I need to go to work. I need answers"

Jess was standing behind my mother with a hand on her shoulder.

"If it makes you feel any better, Ill take Lex to her workplace, Mrs.M"

Jess walked up to me and took the keys from my hands, "but I'll drive".

----

The car ride there was quiet. When you are friends with someone for so long, you find that words arent needed to convey a thought. It wasnt until now that I realized how tense my body was. I got confirtable in my seat, when suddenly Jess spoke up.

"I heard you got into an argument with Jun"

"Since when he goes and reports to you?"

"Lex, you have to understand. Someone getting up one day after missing for 7 months like nothing happened, its a tough pill to swallow. We mean well, and I really want to believe you"

"..But?"

"No buts, I just want to believe. You have an incredible memory recollection. Plus, ive been knowing you for the longest. You love Jun, you wouldnt just run away like that."

I sit in silence and look at the passing view until we come across a red light. I notice how the light post is filled with 'Lost' pages with my picture on it. Jess must have felt my nervousness because she reached behind me and pulled a newspaper that must have been sitting at the back of my car and handed it to me. Looking at it closer, the date October 22, 20xx flashed to my eyes before noticing the headline.

'Missing 24 year old in freak accident'.

[ijustwant2write]

Reconnect-Finn Shelby x Reader

(GIF credit to @peakystitches​)

Masterlist

Tags: @captivatedbycillianmurphy​ @jenepleurepasbaby​ @amirahiddleston​ @bloodorangemoonlight @haphazardhufflepuff​ @mzcrazy2​

Requested by anonymous: ‘Hello! May i request an either tommy or finn shelby x reader? (Whicheverr one u think suits best) for this prompt i found: character A and B have been in a longterm relationship and nothing can get in between, until one day something does and they drift away. But then they reconnect emotionally and everything feels like the first time again (first kiss, first meal together etc) 🙏🏼💜 i love ur writing thank u’

Characters: Finn Shelby x Reader, Polly Gray x Reader (platonic)

Meanings: (Y/N)=Your name

Warnings: Swearing, arguing, finance issues, drinking, fluff

                                    *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

"Finn, is that you?" I called out from our bedroom as I heard the front door open. I tensed up when I didn't hear a reply, only to let out a sigh when I heard him giggling.

He was drunk again, it happened almost every week now. Tommy would have given him something important to do for the gang, and whether or not Finn succeeded with that task, he would go out and celebrate with his mates. I would sometimes tag along if I wasn't tired from the week of working, but after seeing our finances, I realised we needed to stop acting like teenagers and start saving wisely.

"Hello my gorgeous girl." he slurred out as he entered the room.

"Hello Finn." I replied as I received a sloppy kiss to my forehead.

He flopped down beside me in bed, taking the book out of my hands and throwing it to the floor. Finn wrapped his arms around me, snuggling into my lap. I took off his hat, stroking back his hair. He was cold from the brisk walk home, causing me to shiver.

“You should have come out tonight." he said.

"I got off work late."

"He kept you again?"

"No, I decided to stay."

"Why? You always say you're tired."

"I'm tired because I'm picking up extra shifts and hours so that we can start saving up for a house."

"I've told you, we don't need to worry about that. Business is good."

"Finn, we're not going to be given the money. We have to earn it."

"Tommy will help us."

"He might help but he won't give us a lot. And even if he did hand us a house, we've got to have enough money for the bills, furniture-"

"It will be fine."

"Finn, we've not even had our wedding yet!"

We had been engaged for half a year. We were wanting to be married sooner, but problems arose with the Peaky Blinders it distracted us both from it, especially since our lives were in danger. I desperately wanted to have enough money for the wedding and house, though it looked like it was going to be one or the other at this point.

"What's wrong with the flat?" Finn now sat up.

"Did you seriously ask me that question? There's only so much I can do to this dump to make it look somewhat liveable. It just doesn't feel like home."

"We'll get the money. Don't worry. Look, look," he took my hands in his,"we will get a house. I promise. And believe me, I want to marry you as soon as I can, there needs to be another ring on that finger. And I need to see my name at the end of yours."

I stupidly believed him. Those adoring eyes I once trusted had lied to me. Finn kept his promise for a week at max, soon breaking it. I didn't mind him going out with friends, we both needed to socialise, I just disagreed with the amount of times he was out and the amount of drinks he was buying each night. He would always offer to get the next round, and although he was a Shelby, the discounts didn't make much difference at the end of the night. I decided I had to go with him to ensure that our money wasn't being poured away, struggling to stay awake for those long nights, and making work even harder every day. It was impossible to keep an eye on him like that.

Usually Finn would tell me if he was going out that night so I wouldn't worry. That stopped too. My mind was never at ease. How did I know he wasn't lying in a ditch somewhere after a job gone wrong? Or what if he was trapped somewhere by a rival gang? I could only rest when he returned, which he always luckily did. I pretended to be asleep, trying to not push him away as he slipped his arms around me, cuddling me for the rest of the night. My patience began to grow thin. I was too scared to speak up about it, worried that we would just end up having an argument. However, I knew we would have to bring it up soon, because our money was only disappearing instead of increasing.

One morning when I was leaving for work, I noticed that the drawer we locked our savings away in was slightly ajar, meaning someone had unlocked it and stupidly left it open. Of course it had to be Finn, no one had broken in during the night. My eyes widened when I saw how much he had taken, enraged that he would think me so foolish. Why would he take the money without asking? What was he using it for?

As I stormed towards the shop, I heard whooping from men in a car further up the street. My face turned into a deep frown when I recognised the car, managing to catch a glimpse of the people in it. They hadn't seen me, and I had to make sure my eyes were deceiving me.

I didn't care about the looks on me as I burst through into the shop, making a beeline for Polly's office. I harshly knocked on the door, entering when she called me.

"(Y/N)? What's wrong?" she asked, a lit cigarette in hand.

"Where's Finn?"

"Off out with his brothers, why?"

"Where are they going?"

"To the races."

I scoffed, placing a hand on my head in defeat.

"Why? What's wrong with that?"

"He told me he would be in the office all day today."

"So? Things change."

"No, he specifically told me that. I never even asked about it. He made a point meaning he didn't want to risk me waltzing in. That means he's hiding something."

"(Y/N), they're only going to bet on horses today. They're mingling."

"They're betting today?!"

She stood, putting a hand on her hip."What am I missing here?"

"Pol, he's using money that we don't have! I need a car, I need to get to him."

"Look, even if my nephew is being the biggest idiot, it's a bad idea to go there."

"Why?"

Her eyes widened."Don't snap at me young lady."

"I'm sorry, I just, I just know he's going to be stupid with what little money we have at the minute."

Polly was silent for a few seconds, and I didn't know if she was just staring me out, trying to make me leave. Perhaps she didn't think it was anything to worry over. But it was to me. She surprised me when she went into one of her drawers, pulling out a set of keys.

"Come on. I'll get one of the girls to call your work, say you're sick."

I tightly clasped my hands together as Polly drove. I was furious, trying to think of what to say to Finn when I got there. He stole our money. He went behind my back, gambling away the money we worked hard to earn. I had never said it, but Finn had it much easier than I did. For one, he worked with family, and although I liked my job, the boss could sometimes be an arsehole; second, he earned a lot more than me, so he was the bigger breadwinner between us, but I worked longer hours. Yes, he was in a gang meaning he had more days where his life was under threat, but he seemed to be having a jolly good time anyway. Really, it wouldn't have mattered who worked longer or harder, or who earned more, it was still our money to spend on our house.

As soon as Polly parked up, I was straight out of the car. She quickly followed grabbing my arm and warning me to not get lost in the crowds. I couldn't make a scene, especially since there could be potential business partners or enemies about. I refrained from rolling my eyes, knowing she was right but also knowing that I would find it extremely hard to not scream at Finn.

Polly guided me to where the men would be, ignoring the shoving and shouting. I wished for her to walk quicker. We swiftly entered the posher boxes, almost stopped by a doorman until his accomplice shut him up. I even heard him whisper 'That's Polly Gray you idiot.', the one time I was glad we had a reputation. She only paused to scan the room for the boys but I spotted them first. Quickly moving past her, I couldn't stop my fists from clenching, seeing Finn joyfully drinking and laughing with his brothers only added fire to my fury.

"Finn!" I snapped, quickly catching his attention.

"(Y/N)?" he exclaimed, struggling to stand and clattering the plates and glasses on the table."W-what are you doing here?"

"Stopping you from spending our money like a fucking idiot! Where is it?"

"Oh, Finn boy is in the doghouse." John chuckled.

"Shut up!" I fiercely pointed at him.

"Where's what?" Finn brought me back.

"Our money!"

"I told you, you do this outside." Polly warned, shoving Finn in that direction, and I knew I had to follow him.

Luckily, we were left alone. Finn continued on, finding someplace we would be alone. Once we were in the clear, the distant roar of the crowds covering our conversation, I saw him sigh quietly, running a hand down his face when he realised what was coming.

"Where's the money Finn?" I asked, calmer but with a mean tone.

"Let me explain first.”

"Explain how you took our money without asking? How you just waltzed out this morning without consulting me?"

"Tommy said that there was a good chance, a very good chance that this horse would win, and I thought it would help us if we put our money on it. Imagine how much we'll have if it wins!"

"If it wins Finn, if! You're gambling our money, why would you do something like that?"

"Because you went on about not having enough money! And here I am trying to help!"

My mouth dropped open in shock."You really don’t see the problem here."

"No, actually, I don't." he crossed his arms over his chest.

"Finn, you stole money from the drawer! You then go behind my back and bet it away. Have you thought about what we'll do if that horse loses?"

"But it won't, Tommy said."

"And what if Tommy is wrong this time? Also, don't pin this on your brother, I know he hasn't even suggested this idea."

"I'm not-urgh!" Finn groaned."Why don't you trust me?"

"I can't trust a gamble Finn. I don't think you realise how many nights I've spent lying awake, worried that we'll never have enough for our own home, and thinking that you don't even care anymore."

"Of course I care. This is why I've bet the money."

"How is this not getting in your head?"

"(Y/N)," he took my hands in his, but I couldn't even look at him,"in a few minutes we will hear them announce the winner, and we will start jumping for joy when we realise how much money we're going to get back, and we're going to be so much closer to getting our home."

"Finn, I desperately want to believe that. But even if we do win, you're in deep trouble." I took my hands away from him, turning around. I couldn't even look at my own fiance.

On queue, we heard a man come over the intercom, it was muffled to me but I knew Finn was listening intensely. Glancing over my shoulder, I watched for his reaction, turning around fully when I saw his expression. We had lost. We lost all that money.

"How could you be so fucking stupid?!" I screamed at him, throwing slaps onto his chest."Why couldn't you just listen to me? I don't understand why you had to lie to me Finn!"

I broke down crying, shoving him away from me. My sobs were loud but I didn't care. Finn could watch, see how much he upset me. My heart sank at the thought of it all gone, Finn had left scarcely any money in the drawer back at the flat.

"I'm sorry (Y/N)." Finn pathetically said.

"You know how you always go on about your family never trusting you enough for the big jobs? That you never get to go out with them and help? This is why. Because you do things like this, you fuck everything up Finn. Fuck!" I wiped away my tears, even though more spilled out."You know I've always stuck beside you, but this is the last straw Finn. I can't be with someone who doesn't want to put effort into their future."

"What are you saying? (Y/N), I can fix this. I promise I'll get the money back, I'll-"

"How? That took us so long to build that up. And you were spending our money almost every night on useless drinking. I can't Finn, I can't live like that anymore."

He ducked his head, and I almost wanted him to say something. When he didn't, I knew what I had to do.

I took a deep breath before speaking."I'm going home. I suggest you stay at Polly's tonight."

"Let me take you home-"

"No!"

"What's going on?" Tommy suddenly appeared, he, his brothers and Polly approaching.

"Your nephew, your brother, just gave away almost all of our money betting on a horse. Not only that, but he took the money without telling me. That was money for a house." I angrily explained.

"Is that true Finn?"

Finn shamefully nodded.

"We can get you your money back (Y/N)."

"It's not about that Tom. He's lied to me. He promised me he wouldn't spend our money every week, yet he did. And then he takes our money without asking me about it first."

"I'll fix it (Y/N), I promise I will." Finn was begging at this point.

"Another promise that you're bound to break. I've had enough today."

"Let's get you home love." Polly said, putting a stop to this argument as she stepped forward, taking me under her arm.

Finn didn't come home that night. I didn't sleep. I was sat at the tiny dining table, staring at the ring on my finger, wondering what to do. It broke my heart to think about leaving him, but it also broke my heart thinking about how reckless he had been. Did I really want to be marrying someone who acted like this? Would he mature? My heart wanted to believe he would, but my mind kept telling me that today confirmed he wouldn't. That was one of the worst nights of my life.

                                     *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

I couldn't stand this job any longer. But it was the only thing keeping me alive. It was crappy work, the pay was just above minimum, enough for me to buy food, pay my rent and have the tiniest amount left over. Saving up money was hard when it was just you. Even after two years, I didn't have enough to consider looking at places of my own, or with less roommates. It was exhausting keeping up with these girls I lived with, there were 6 of us altogether. It was a big change when I moved away from Small Heath.

"You ready (Y/N)?" one of my roommates called out to me as I finished applying my lipstick.

"Just a second!" I replied, checking myself in the mirror.

It was the rare occasion that I was going out with them, the one time we could all go out together at all. I was looking forward to a few drinks, and although that sounded hypocritical, I realised that I had to have a night or two in at least a month to relieve myself of the stress I put upon myself.

We arrived at the small club we always went to, it had the cheapest drinks this side of town. We all shivered in the cold weather, walking as fast as we could to make it to the club. The warmth was very welcome, as well as the loud music that drew us further in. It was the usual routine, a few of us grab a table, the others get the drinks in, then we would all make our way to the dance floor. Hours passed, and I had to get away from the heat coming from the dancing, stepping back towards our table to get a drink. I saw my roommate stumbling in the direction of the bar, rolling my eyes as I went to help her, perhaps getting a drink whilst I was there. However, once I got closer, I stared at the man she was starting to flirt with.

"Isaiah?" I said as I got closer.

"(Y/N)!" he smiled, bringing me in for a hug.

"You two know each other?" my roommate asked, looking disappointed.

"He's an old friend. Just that, nothing else."

Isaiah let me go."How long has it been? Two years?"

"Uh, yeah. Yeah, two years. What are you doing here?"

"Business. Nothing dangerous though, you girls are still in for a good night. Especially you if you're good." he winked to my roommate.

"Is he...is he here?" my voice suddenly went shaky, and I felt almost completely sober.

Isaiah's playful nature dropped."Uh, he is. He's really misses you (Y/N). Hasn't even looked at another girl since you left. He's just not been the same." I wasn't sure how to reply.

"I can't not tell him I saw you. Imagine if he found out, he would be so upset with me."

"I know. I wouldn't want to hurt your friendship."

"Maybe you should see him. It might do you both some good."

"Or the opposite."

"He still loves you. Even if you don't feel the same, it could bring closure. But I know you (Y/N), I can tell what you're thinking."

"You were always annoying like that."

"He's out front, in the corridor. That's all I'm going to say."

I looked at him for a few seconds, trying to make my mind up."Well, this one is a handful, just so you know."

"I think I can handle her." Isaiah smirked.

"I was warning her about you."

I giggled at his reaction, walking away and leaving him in his natural habitat of flirting. But as soon as I turned around, my stomach dropped, nerves filling up my entire body. He was here. I hadn't seen him for two years, though I thought about him everyday. Would he look different? Did I look different? What was he going to say? What was I going to say? My brain didn't want to think of any words, maybe I was about to babble absolute nonsense to him.

Upon seeing him, my throat tightened, the cool air slapping me in the face; oh, now I was sober. He hadn't noticed yet, leaning up against a wall, hands in his pockets. Wow, he had changed. His boyish charm was still there, yet he had matured into a handsome young man. It was like I was seeing him for the first time all over again. I was just happy that he would be seeing me in my finer clothes rather than catching me after work.

Urging my feet to move, I almost sighed at how small my steps were. I really was scared. Isaiah had said reassuring things, yet I couldn't even walk up to him. It was too late to back out now, especially when he finally looked up at me. I froze on the spot, not knowing what to do. Finn seemed the same way.

"(Y/N)." he said, I only just heard it.

"Hello."

Hello? Really, that's all I could come up with?

He pushed himself off the wall, coming to stand in front of me, though not too close."I...I can't believe you're here."

"I could say the same about you."

"This is where you've been living then."

I nodded."It's not too bad. I mean, I'm on a night out."

"Who are you with?"

I knew he was wondering if I was with a man."My roommates, I live with five other girls."

"Oh, that's a lot."

"Yeah, it's the only place I could afford."

"I hope it's nice."

"I shouldn't complain. A lot better than other places."

We both knew we were making an awful attempt at small talk. I was sure he had so much to say like I did, we just didn't want to dump it on each other in case the other ran away. It was like we were teenagers again, awkwardly trying to think of something to fill the dreaded silence.

"I really want to talk about us (Y/N)." Finn said.

"You do?"

"I...I just have so much to say to you. I can't do it now, but what about tomorrow?"

"Tomorrow? Tomorrow, um, yes, yes tomorrow works for me. It's the weekend, so I'm not working."

He smiled slightly."OK, good. I'll come get you. Um, I need your address."

"Oh, here." I dug around in my purse, thankful there was a folded up tissue and a pen, it was good to be prepared. I wrote down my address, handing it to him.

"I'll pick you up at one. I would want it to be earlier, you just never know what time you'll be back with this sort of thing."

"I understand Finn, I did live this with you once."

I barely slept, even when we stumbled in at three in the morning. Luckily I hadn't seen Finn, Isaiah or any other Peaky Blinder that evening, no doubt settling business behind the scenes. Despite the lack of sleep, I was wide awake the next morning, up before everyone else who were nursing their hangovers, trying on multiple outfits in a desperate attempt to look nice, but not as if I put too much effort in. The clock was rolling onto one o'clock, and my heart was beating much faster than usual. I was about to make my way downstairs when something glistened on my small vanity. Should I take it? Yes, I would.

Finn knocked on the door, and I waited a few seconds before opening it. We smiled as we greeted each other, not going in for a hug or kiss on the cheek, something I was worried about. That was the first hurdle jumped over.

"How was your evening?" Finn struck up a conversation as we walked further into town.

"Much better than yours I presume?" I smirked. He chuckled."Yeah, didn't exactly get to enjoy the music. Small fight, nothing we couldn't handle."

It was strange hearing about Blinder business again."Well I'm glad you're all safe."

"I thought we could go out for lunch, saw a nice place round here."

"Oh, that would be lovely."

"We don't have to, if you don't feel comfortable."

"No, no, no, it's not that. It's just a lovely thing for you to do."

We both bashfully smiled, luckily the restaurant was just around the corner. I had expected nothing less when we walked into the fancy place, not because I thought I deserved it, but because Finn wouldn't be seen anywhere else. His clothes were even more tailored now than they had been the last I saw him, indicating that the gang had been doing well, more money was coming in. We both immediately picked up our menus as we sat, hoping someone would speak first. Our eyes glanced over the top of them, it was as if we were on our first date again, only this time in a better establishment.

"You look beautiful." he said, still hiding part of his face.

"Thank you." I blushed.

"I'll never forget what you wore when I picked you up for our first date. That blue dress you just bought, with a matching purse, and those heels that you hadn't practiced walking in. Well, you used that as an excuse to latch into my arm all night."

I smiled, placing down my menu."It was a good plan, wasn't it? And I did struggle in those heels, I just didn't want to embarrass myself."

He copied me."I liked holding your hand all night."

"What a sweet sentiment."

"I mean it. And I mean this date. That didn't sound right, but...what I'm trying to say is that I want to make it all up to you."

"You do?"

"Yes! I really didn't expect you to leave. I mean I did, but I didn't want to believe that. I didn't want to believe that I had been so selfish that I couldn't even see how much I had hurt you." 

“That was the hardest decision I ever made. Most days I battle with myself whether I made the right choice. All night I kept making deals with myself. If you came back, I would hear you out, and if it was good enough for me I would stay. But then you didn’t, so I said to myself ‘Give him another hour.’. An hour went by, and I said the same thing to myself. That went on for the whole evening until I found myself angrily packing my things. Even then, I sat by door on top of my suitcase for another hour or so.”

“I thought you just got up and left. I didn’t realise how long you waited for me.” he sighed into his hands.“I’m such a fucking idiot.”

I could tell he was full of regret. Although it sounded sadistic, I was glad that he was upset when reflecting on our past relationship, it meant he realised his mistake. On the other hand, I hated seeing him sad. I took his hands away from his face, hesitantly reaching into my handbag to pull out the engagement ring I kept.

His eyes widened.“You still have that? I looked everywhere for it when you left, guessed you took it to sell.”

“I won’t lie, that was my intention at first. But it meant too much to me. It was like selling a piece of my soul. I kept it hidden, I didn’t want to risk any of the girls seeing it, they would just ask too many questions.”

I kept my eye on the beautiful ring as I spoke, slowly twirling it around to catch it twinkling in the light.

"I had such a hard time picking that out. I knew what you wanted, but I had to get it right for you. I'm so glad you kept it."

"I did try to sell it. I was stood outside of a shop for ten minutes debating with myself. It would have helped a lot for the deposit on the room, but I couldn't do it."

We were silent, both staring at the ring. We used to do that a lot actually. Finn would take my hand and hold it up as we laid in bed together, both giggling as we watched it glisten like it was in present times, before squealing at the thought of us being married to each other. I constantly fiddled with it when he was off on business, a habit which never wore off, even now; whenever I was nervous or worried, I would automatically do the same action, just without the ring.

A waiter awkwardly interrupted us, and I hurriedly put the ring back in my bag, sharing an embarrassed smile with Finn as we ordered. Once he was gone, I quietly sighed, looking out of the window. We were in such a nice part of town, so many ladies in beautiful dresses and men in smart suits strolling around.

"Are you...are you OK for money?" Finn boldly asked.

I was a little shocked by that.

"I don't mean anything by it. I just want to make sure you're OK, I would hate for you to be struggling, if you were."

"Uh, no, no I'm fine actually. It's not as generous as my old wage but it keeps me alive, I can live with the bare necessities."

I could see him itching to say something else, to keep the conversation going. I wasn't sure if we could go back to the serious topic we had before. However, I also wanted to bring it back up, it felt like we needed to talk about us.

"How's the family?" That's all I could come up with.

"They're fine. Everyone is the same. Well, they're not, they're a bit more serious nowadays."

"They weren't in the first place?"

He smiled."I suppose they were. Tension is the right word, tensions have been rising. Tommy's taking on a lot more, Polly knows all these secrets that no one else does, Ada is rebelling against anything Tommy says, Linda is still annoying, Esme and John have been popping kids out left, right and centre. Arthur is still crazy."

"Sounds like business as usual to me."

"They miss you too."

"Do they?"

"Yeah. Almost as much as me."

I cast my eyes down as butterflies rose in my stomach.

"I heard nothing else for the next few weeks after you left. They all told me what an idiot I was, that I was an extremely reckless, stupid and immature boy, and that I had let the best thing in my life get away from me. And they were right. I knew all of that already."

"I...I don't really know what to say right now."

"You don't have to say anything, let's just enjoy this meal, no more of that talk."

The nerves making my stomach flip built at that. What if we had nothing else to talk about? What if it was too weird to dive into our separate lives? I didn't want to sit across my ex-fiance, painfully and politely smiling through forced conversation.

The spark was still there.

When the waiter had returned with our drinks, we were already deep in talk about what had been happening in our personal everyday life. We were non stop, even as we ate through dinner. The waiters had trouble catching our attention each time they checked on us. I was deep in those eyes again, the ones I always dreamed of seeing. We were laughing hysterically, not at all acting how we should have in that establishment (there were a few eye rolls from other patrons). As if time had gone by in a second, the bill was slipped towards Finn, though I still reached into my purse.

"Are you mad? No, put your money away, I'm not taking it." Finn stated as he carelessly threw down some notes, surprisingly taking my hand in his and guiding me out of the restaurant.

I was tense as we walked, and I saw a flash of realisation in Finn's eyes as we made it outside. Both looking down at our interlocked fingers, Finn broke away, clearing his throat.

"Sorry, force of habit."

Hesitating, I smiled up at him, lacing our hands together again."These are new heels I'm breaking in. Need help walking in them."

He chuckled, pulling me closer as we walked down the street. We were silent, feeling like kids in love again. I couldn't deny that my feelings were still strong for Finn, I missed him dearly. At first, part of me had been wary of all this, wondering if he really had good intentions, or just thought he could get a quick shag in from an ex before he left; but the effort he went through, the things we spoke about, trying to heal old wounds, Finn had matured and he was wanting to fix this. I wanted to fix this, my heart was aching for my old life with him. 

“We’re not done yet, are we?” I timidly asked.

“Not unless you want it to be.”

I instantly shook my head.“No, I’d like to stay out for longer.”

“Even though you’re struggling in your heels?”

I smirked.“I know a nice place we can sit down.”

I took him to the local park, it had a huge lake with benches dotted around, luckily it wasn’t busy, there was somehow a hint of privacy here. We sat down close to each other, hands still entwined. 

“You still hungry?” I asked.

“Hm?”

I dug into my purse, producing a bag of sweets I had bought the previous day. I laughed as his eyes lit up, taking one without even asking. I took one too, reminiscing on how we used to do the same thing as kids. It seemed he was thinking about it too.

“Just like the old days.” Finn said.

“We spent way too much money on sweets back then. It’s a wonder we still have our teeth.”

 “Wish I got out of that spending habit. We could be married and in our new house by now.”

“So you never wanted to move on? You didn’t give in to those girls wanting to be with a Peaky Blinder?”

“Never. I couldn’t. I couldn’t even fathom being with anyone else, it was always you (Y/N). Did you date?”

“No, I felt exactly the same. Which is why I was angry at myself for a long time. I was supposed to be upset with you, not still in love.”

His head whipped round to face me.“You still love me?”

My mouth was still open, unsure how to answer. It seemed I didn’t have to as Finn leaned in, placing on hand on my cheek as we kissed. Instinctively I kissed back, placing my hands on him where I could, hearing the bag of sweets fall to the ground and spill its contents. This kiss was needy, the type of kiss you gave your partner when you had missed them, when they had been away for a long time; and although we had our hands on each other, our touch was still gentle.

“Get the ring.” Finn breathed out, our lips still almost touching.

I carelessly got it for him, heart beating extremely fast. He took it from me, pecking me on the lips one last time before standing up. He straightened out his suit, took a deep breath and got down on one knee. I was just as emotional the first time he did it.

“(Y/N), I know I messed up everything in the past, I was careless when I should have been supportive and helped to build our future. I learnt from those mistakes, and I really, really want to go back to how we were. I need you (Y/N), I love you so much. There aren’t enough words to express how much love I have for you. Will you marry me?”

I didn’t need to think about my answer. I blurted out a yes, waiting for him to slide the ring back on my finger before throwing myself onto him. We stumbled back onto the ground, our arms around each other as we laughed and cried. I believed him this time, I truly believed him. He put in the effort to show me his changes, he wanted to fix everything. I wanted things back to the way they were with my man, and we were back to building our future and living the rest of our lives together.

[queenshelby]

My Friend’s Father (Part Six)

Pairing: Cillian Murphy x Reader

Warning: Age Gap, Mild Sexual References

Words: 1,937

Notes:

I have decided to make this into a series.

Alright, no judgment. This was a dream of mine and I felt like I had to write it down. Everyone in this Fic is over the age of 18 and this Fic is in no way based on Cillian’s real family life. It’s pure filth.

 *************************

The Afternoon Before (Cillian’s POV)

Before the opening, Denise had the opportunity to show both of her parents the art which she had created.

Neither of them had seen the photographs before and were rather excited to see what all the fuss was about.

‘Alight, alright…here they are’ Denise said with excitement and, whilst her mother smiled and told her how beautiful they were, Cillian gulped harshly in surprise.

‘Dad, do you not like them?’ Denise asked as he stood there, chin dropped and speechless.

‘They are amazing’ he confirmed although he wished that he had some warning beforehand when it came to the content of the pictures.

Cillian wasn’t sure whether he should look at the pictures in detail or whether he should try and look away. Seeing you like this was difficult and his manhood soon began to stir as his eyes gazed over your perfectly shaped breasts and your messy hair.

The Opening Night

You stood in front of the large mirror in your bedroom at your parent’s house just outside Galway and tried hard to clip your hair up which had always been a struggle.

Somehow, you managed and the tucked-up hair allowed you to show off your exposed shoulders and back.

The black dress you had chosen for the gallery opening was made out of stretchy fabric. It was simple but yet elegant and left the entirety of your back exposed while a rim of fabric ran across your neck.

You were lucky that your breasts were small as there was no way you could wear a bra with your dress and you certainly didn’t need to.

The dress was flattering around your hips and finished just below your knees.

‘You look nice’ Connor said as he picked you up from your house and, fortunately for you, your father wasn’t home in order to make a scene about your revealing outfit. Your parents were strictly catholic and wouldn’t have approved, nor did they approve of Connor who, in their opinion, was way too old for you.

‘I look nice, do I?’ you chuckled, having hoped for him to choose a different word perhaps, such as ‘beautiful’ or ‘stunning’.

‘Yes, very nice…let’s go, huh?’ he then said and you nodded, following him to the car.

The drive to the gallery took only 15 minutes and, after Connor had handed his car keys to the valet, you walked inside the building where, almost immediately, you spotted Denise and both of her parents.

‘Oh wow, you look amazing’ you said to Denise before giving her a big hug. As usual, her clothes were colourful and unique.

‘So do you in your sexy black dress…Connor, isn’t she stunning?’ Denise winked, before saying hello to him also.

‘Yeah, she looks nice’ Connor then said, causing Cillian, who was standing behind Connor, to cock an eyebrow. You noticed him looking at you with burning eyes, clearly having noticed the fact that you weren’t wearing a bra.

‘Hey Y/N’ he then said, before giving you a friendly hug as well before you greeted Denise’s mother the same way.

Breathing in Cillian’s scent took your breath away and you immediately forgot about Connor by your side until Denise took it upon herself to introduce Cillian and her mother to Connor as well.

Just as you got talking, the others arrived and it was Amalie who stole the show, wearing the shortest dress she could have possibly found.

You couldn’t help but notice that Connor was staring at her and it was obvious to you that he would have liked it if you wore something more revealing like her.

‘Can’t walk in heels Y/N?’ Amalie then asked sarcastically and you shook your head, wearing nice but flat sandals with your dress.

‘I never saw the point of high heels. They are rather impractical, don’t you think?’ you asked, but Amalie ignored your question and immediately began to hit on Cillian instead which was rather amusing to watch.

***

After the initial chat, you allowed Denise and her parents to talk to some of the other artists and guests and disappeared into the crowd with Connor, trying to hunt down the photographs Denise had taken and which you had not yet seen.

‘You didn’t tell me you knew Cillian Murphy’ Connor said somewhat surprised and you told him that he was just Denise’s father so you didn’t think to mention it. Of course, you would never have wanted Connor to know that you had, in fact, slept with Cillian.

‘Whoah…and you also didn’t tell me that you look like this beneath all your clothes’ Connor then said all of a sudden, interrupting you mid-sentence, as he glanced over to where the photographs of you were displayed.

‘Well, if you had bothered to take off my clothes first before we had sex then you would have known’ you winked as you grabbed one of the glasses of champaign from the bar.

‘We were short of time but, perhaps, I can make it up to you tonight’ Connor then winked and you couldn’t help but roll your eyes, thinking back at this one night a week or so go which was the first and last time you had sex.

‘Apparently you were short for time, yes’ you said teasingly, reminding him that, after ten minutes of missionary, he realised that the football was on and left you high and dry and certainly dissatisfied.

‘Tonight, you can show me what’s under this dress and I will worship this body of yours’ Connor said and his comment made you chuckle.

‘We will see’ you smirked and, just as you did, Cillian walked past the two of you and smiled.

You hoped that he didn’t hear any of this but, then again, if he did, you hoped that it made him at least a little bit jealous.

‘So, what do you think?’ you then suddenly heard Denise ask from behind and, because you were so busy starring at her father, you didn’t realise that she was there.

‘These pictures are amazing Denise’ you said as you were extremely happy with the result.

‘That’s what dad said too actually’ she then said, causing you to blush.

***

As the evening went by and Connor had one glass of wine after another and making several inappropriate and rather controlling remarks, you knew it was time to leave but, Denise didn’t want you to go just yet and, in the end, you told Connor to take a taxi home and that you would see him in the morning.

Luckily for you, he agreed and you were beyond embarrassed by his behaviour as he was trying to dictate what you could do and what you couldn’t as the night went on.

‘He is…uhm…interesting Y/N’ Denise’s mother then said before continuing on and asking you whether you don’t think that he’s a bit too old for you.

‘Oh, I see, you spoke to my parents’ you chuckled as you watched Cillian sip on his glass of wine while cocking an eyebrow.

‘I am just saying, I can see their concerns’ she went on to say, causing Denise to roll her eyes and it was at this point when Cillian interrupted his ex-wife.

‘That’s enough. I think she’s old enough to make her own decisions’ Cillian said and it wasn’t until, some point later when you followed Cillian down one of the hallways to get your coats from the cloak that you had some privacy and Cillian voiced his concerns.

***

‘Be careful alright’ he said after he told you that he was concerned that Connor acted in a controlling way and that he didn’t like the way he was speaking to you.

‘This is not how I meant it Y/N. I am just trying to look out for you’ he said and you couldn’t help but laugh, which is when he pulled you around the corner of the hallway, worried about someone listening to your conversation.

‘Listen, I don’t need you to tell m what to do. I am not your child’ you huffed out somewhat irritated by his comments and you weren’t sure whether it was his concerns that bothered you or the fact that he never contacted you again.

‘Look out for me? That’s funny. It really is’ you chuckled before asking him why he had never contacted you after your visit to Dublin.

‘Why would I have contacted you? I made it pretty clear that, what happened between us, was a mistake. It can’t happen again’ Cillian huffed out and, just as he did, you shook your head in disbelieve.

‘Alright, that’s fine…but stay out of my private life then, please. I don’t need this kind of lecture about who I should be with and who I shouldn’t be with from you’ you said angrily.

‘Common Y/N, you can’t tell me that you actually have feelings for a guy like this. You are more sensible than that’ Cillian said with frustration.

‘I think neither of us have been acting sensibly lately Cillian, wouldn’t you agree?’ you asked, raising your eyebrows.

‘That’s not the same Y/N. Like you said, it was just sex between us. But with him, it’s more than that isn’t it? You are dating him, are you not?’ Cillian then asked sternly.

‘Oh my god, are you jealous?’ you asked angrily.

‘I am not fucking jealous. Why would I be jealous?’ Cillian then asked annoyed.

‘How the fuck do I know. I don’t know how the hell your brain works. After all, you made the same mistake twice. Once, I can understand, but twice?’ you asked with fury.

‘And so did you’ Cillian blurted out.

‘Uhm, yeah, but I didn’t say it was a mistake, you did. For me, it wasn’t’ you huffed out.

‘Fuck, this isn’t going anywhere, is it?’ Cillian then conceded angrily and you shook your head.

‘No, it’s not, just leave me alone, okay?’ you then huffed out angrily and, just as you did, you could feel Cillian’s hands on your hips and your back pressed against the wall behind you near the stairway.

There was an awkward silence between you as you stared into each other’s eyes and, just after Cillian looked over to both sides to ensure that you were alone, he pressed his lips onto yours firmly.

You parted your lips slightly, allowing his tongue to invade your mouth as you gave into this kiss. Your hands were soon tangled in the top of his hair while his hands were caressing your face.

But then, all of a sudden, you pulled away and shook your head.

‘No…no I am not letting you do this again’ you huffed out before walking off.

Whilst you wanted him badly, you didn’t want him to walk away from you again, saying it was a mistake.

   Tag List:

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@peaky-cillian​

@severewobblerlightdragon​  @ysmmsy​  

[zevlors-tail]

Hi I feel really bad for sending in an emergency request but bakugou, deku, or kaminari comforting and helping a reader who is going through a major depressive episode with suicidal thoughts. I’m so sorry I feel really bad for asking

A/N: I could not have gotten this at a more convenient time. I just want to say thank you for requesting this, and please don’t be sorry for asking about this. If you want to talk my dms are open, but I hope this helps! This was extremely cathartic for me to write. I only did Bakugou for the moment, but I fully plan on coming back at some point to at least add Denki (and also Deku eventually). Bakugou as a secret comfort character for me? It’s more likely than you think.

TW: Suicidal ideation, suicidal thoughts, suicidal reader, depression. PLEASE DO NOT READ if these things trigger you. It’s extremely descriptive and emotional!

Bakugou Katsuki

“Hey...are you okay?” 

You barely snapped out of your foggy trance as you slowly blinked, your coworker’s face coming into focus eventually as you gathered your surroundings you had long since forgotten about. Your response was immediate, familiar words strung together with little effort after saying them over and over again. No longer did they drag you down and taste like lies in your mouth; now they were just the ghost of a feeling you struggled to remember, an empty shell with hollowed out meaning. 

“Oh, yeah...just tired,” you drawled. And you were.

There weren’t too many days anymore that you didn’t feel drained, didn’t feel like the weight of the world was sitting on your shoulders. You felt heavy- both mentally and physically, like there were weights tethered to your arms and legs. It made you feel utterly exhausted at the end of every day and stole your motivation to get up in the morning. Your bed never seemed more comfortable, and your sheets never seemed so warm. If you had the choice, you would allow yourself to lie there forever, to skip work in favor of sleeping through the whole day, because what good was there in being awake, anyway? Lately it just seemed like everything was a waste.

“Are you sure? You just seem...down.” Your coworker gave you a concerned look, and you thought it ironic that the day you felt you might snap was the day everyone chose to finally ask if you were alright. Maybe she could see it on your face, or maybe you finally looked how you felt inside. Whatever the case, you didn’t care. In fact, you hardly cared about anything; it was hard to care about your life when you felt there was no value to it.

“I’m fine! Just really tired,” you repeated without hesitation.

“Okay, if you’re sure.” She seemed to take the explanation without any further question, shrugging and turning around to get back to what she had been doing before. “Just make sure management doesn’t catch you staring off like that; I think they’re in a bad mood today.”

Logically, you knew you were dealing with depression. Depression was not something new to you; this had happened before, and you had managed to dig yourself out of your own hole each time, but this time was...different. Logic didn’t stop the thoughts rampaging through your mind, didn’t quiet the voices that told you others would be better off without you. You felt like a burden to everyone, a walking problem that caused trouble everywhere you went. Just this morning at work you had dropped something accidentally, and it had spilled all over the floor and under the tables, the mess reaching into the cracks and crevices of the tiles where it would be harder to get to. You had done the best you could to clean it up, but in the end, the janitor had to step in and clean up the mess that you made. Maybe it was just an accident, and maybe you didn’t mean to spill your food, but you couldn’t see past the fact that you were always like this. Always spilling things, always causing problems for others, always inconveniencing everyone you came into contact with. Maybe...it would be better if you had stayed in bed all day instead of coming to work.

Maybe it would be better if you had never woke up in the first place.

...No!

You shook the thought from your head, doing your best to ignore it and focus on something else. Come on, you told yourself, focus on your job. But your mind remained hazy as you continued on with work, and it only served to cause more problems for you. By the end of the day, you had accidentally dropped a couple more items, slipped on some water and fell face first to the ground, and towards the end of your shift, just as you were clocking out, you bumped into an unruly customer who was clearly having none of it today. Hands reached out to shove you away and you stumbled, tripping over your own feet as you tried to get a grip and regain your balance.

“Watch where you’re going, god! Are you blind or something!? Jesus!”

For any other person, it might have just made them upset or angry, but it would have been passed off as a bad day, a bad moment in the grand scheme of things that would go away with time. But for you? For you it was the straw that broke the camel’s back. Whatever motivation and will to live you had left, it was gone within the instant, replaced with a numb, empty feeling. What was the point in all of this? If this was life, if you were constantly going to cause problems and get in people’s way, what was your purpose here?

If nothing was enjoyable anymore...you just wanted it to end. It was too late for you anyways; you felt too far gone to be saved. And honestly...what was even left to save? You felt like a shell of your former self.

And that was how you left the store, feet dragging against the ground as you numbly walked to your car to go home. It took you a while to collect yourself, so you sat there for a few minutes in the parking lot, keys stuck in the ignition and hands resting loosely on the steering wheel. Finally, you worked up the will to actually start the car, and then you were on your way home. Home...where you would probably just lie through your teeth again and go lay in bed for the rest of the night.

Bakugou was in the kitchen making dinner when you padded through the foyer and announced your arrival, the smell of spices overwhelming rather than inviting or enticing. But then again, you didn’t have much of an appetite lately, and you found the thought of sleep to be more appealing than the thought of food anyways.

“I’m home.” Your voice was quieter than usual, your tone flat and monotonous. Bakugou didn’t respond for a minute, and you wondered if he had even heard you over the sound of something sizzling in a pan.

“Y/N, that you?” A head poked out from around the corner, red eyes meeting E/C. “How was work?”

“It was work.” You blinked and kicked your shoes off haphazardly, your body already caving in on itself as you made your way to the bedroom. If Bakugou noticed the change from your usual demeanor, he said nothing about it, only going back to what he was doing in the kitchen when you retreated to your sanctuary for the night.

Finally alone with your thoughts, you crawled under the soft sheets with your work clothes still on and curled up, eyes already shutting even before your head hit the pillow. At some point you must have managed to fall asleep, because the next thing you knew you were being shaken awake by Katsuki, a sweet and savory smell drifting through the air. Your stomach rumbled, and though it felt empty, you still didn’t feel like eating emotionally. The only thing you seemed to feel now was a heaviness settling on your soul.

“Y/N, come eat.” Either you were imagining things or Bakugou’s normally gruff voice was more gentle and relaxed as he woke you from your slumber.

You protested with a whine, your face scrunching up in annoyance from being woken up. “Tired...” you mumbled.

“Yeah, yeah, I know. But you haven’t had anything since you came home from work, babe.”

“That was only an hour ago...” you started, your voice still thick from sleep. But as you looked towards your alarm clock on the nightstand next to the bed, you were surprised to find that the little digital numbers read 11:58 pm. You’d slept for a little over five hours since you had arrived home. “Shit-!”

That seemed to do the trick, and you were scrambling up and out of bed in no time, panic and confusion washing over you from your prolonged nap. Had you really slept so long? You hadn’t meant to, but it did feel nice to have a small break from everything you felt when you were awake. And again, you caught yourself wondering if maybe the world would be better off if you never woke up. Eventually the haziness of your dream state faded, leaving you with the same reality you had been facing earlier in the day. You wanted nothing more than to go back to bed and curl up in your state of melancholy, but you were up now, and Katsuki would worry if you didn’t eat anything.

The two of you made your way to the dinning room table where a plate of reheated leftovers sat along with some silver cutlery, a cute little holiday napkin leftover from Halloween resting next to it. You stared at the pumpkin covered paper for a while before picking up your fork and stabbing at whatever dish Bakugou had decided on for dinner. Lately he seemed to be on a vegetable kick, though a healthy dose of fruits and meats were also thrown into the mix for balance. You mindlessly chewed, not really paying attention to the flavor if there was any at all. In fact, it felt like you were chewing cardboard. You didn’t enjoy the taste or feel; you only ate purely out of habit and need to.

“Do you not like it?” Bakugou pulled you from your reverie of thoughts, your head snapping up in his direction when he spoke.

“Huh?”

“The food. You’ve barely touched it in the last ten minutes.”

Ten minutes? Since when had that much time passed? Looking down at your plate, you realized he was correct. Over half of your food remained untouched, bits and pieces of it spread around from your fork and pushed to the side as if it was your least favorite meal. You hadn’t even noticed you were playing with it, and you wondered how long you had been just sitting there scooting food around with a blank look on your face.

“No, it was good.” Liar. You’d hardly been able to taste it. But it wasn’t just food that had lost it’s merit to you, if you really thought about it. The world just didn’t seem as lively; colors seemed washed out and faded, food held no taste, and music just didn’t sound the same. Nothing was enjoyable for you anymore.

“Y/N. You know you can tell me if there’s something going on, right?” Bakugou’s eyes bored into you while you just stared at the brightly colored napkin.

“Yeah, I know!” you chirped back, eyes briefly flickering up to meet his gaze before returning to orange pumpkins.

“Is there anything you want to talk about?” It sounded like a question, but really it was an invite. He knew there was something going on with you. Asking you was his way of giving you room to explain yourself before he decided to pry. Usually he was mindful of any boundaries you might have had, but Katsuki was never a fool, and you tended not to open up easily. Sometimes a little pushing and prodding on his part was necessary.

“Not really? Just work, but it was the usual. I’m just tired.” Even as you tried to pass your unusual behaviors off as a bad day at work and exhaustion, you couldn’t hide the sour note that slipped into your voice along with the visible scowl you made. But the emotions were short lived, and you were back to feeling defeated and down within mere seconds.

“Hey...” You felt compelled to look up at him when he softened his voice even more, but everything in you told you to hold back and keep staring at those damn balls of orange on the napkin. Why, you weren’t sure- maybe it was to keep from crying, or maybe it was to suppress the feelings that were slowly surfacing within you, or maybe it was just because you no longer cared. “Are you alright?”

You visibly winced when he asked. Suddenly everything hurt; everything was a mess, it was all wrong, all of it, and you just wanted it to stop. The pain, the numbness, the thoughts- everything. It felt like you hadn’t been able to catch a break since the day you were born. Day in and day out you lived like that, and no one would ever ask if you were okay. No one took the time to check on you properly; no one seemed to notice when you felt like you were at your worst. Well...no one except Bakugou. He’d been your rock for a long time now, but lately everything had gotten much worse, and you had kept certain things from him so as not to burden him with your troubles. In your eyes, he had enough of his own problems; hero work was already rough on him as it was, so you kept things to yourself so he wouldn’t feel overwhelmed. 

“Why does everyone always ask that when it’s already too late?”

The words tumbled uncontrollably from your mouth as your brows furrowed, a pained look clouding your dull eyes. Bakugou took a moment to process what you said before responding, eyes still locked onto you.

“What does that mean?” He already knew. You could hear it through the apprehensiveness in his voice, see it in the way he gritted his teeth anxiously. “Y/N, what does that mean?”

You glared at the blurry orange shape below you (were you crying...?), refusing to look Katsuki in the eyes. You were afraid of what might happen if you did. “I’m just...a waste of space.” There was a strange conviction to your voice, as if you’d made up your mind about something. Bakugou did not miss this. You, however, did miss the flash of fear in his ruby eyes as you spoke. “I cause problems for everyone I meet. I’m just a giant inconvenience to the world, and everyone would be better off without me. I don’t matter.”

“Y/N.”

“Would anybody even care if I was gone? I mean really, what difference am I making here?”

“Y/N, look at me.”

“It would be better that way. People wouldn’t have to deal with me anymore, and I don’t have to deal with all of...this.” You made some sort of gesture with your hands, your voice cracking as you held back hot tears. “Life. It’s just...it’s so exhausting. I’m so, so tired of having to wake up every day and drag myself out of bed and live. Nothing is fun anymore, and it’s hard just to breathe. I mean, seriously!? Come on, ya know? I didn’t ask for this, I don’t want to live like thi-!” You choked up, silent sobs wracking your shoulders as you buried your faced in your hands. 

Across the table, Bakugou slid from his chair and made his way to you, feet thudding against the floor as he quickly closed the distance and kneeled down to your level. “I knew something was wrong, but...” He gently cupped your face in his hands, palms warm against your tear stained cheeks. “How long have you been feeling like this?”

You struggled to remember when this all started. Minutes turned to hours, hours to days, and days to weeks that blurred into months eventually. Time blended together, and you couldn’t recall the last time you felt able to get up in the morning without feeling like it was a chore. “I don’t know...” you answered honestly.

Bakugou rubbed his thumbs against your face carefully, a soft sigh leaving his lips as he brought you into an embrace against his chest. You didn’t fight it, instead leaning into his touch while crying, and the two of you stayed there for quite some time before Katsuki spoke up about how he was feeling.

“You may think that you don’t make much of a difference here on this earth, but that’s just utter bullshit, Y/N. You make a hell of a big difference to me and everyone else around you, and you would be sorely missed and grieved over. Don’t you dare for one second think that you’re not important or loved, because you are; you are so, so loved.”

“It doesn’t feel that way,” you cried.

“I know, babe. It’s hard to see it right now, I know. Your mind is telling you the opposite. But believe me when I say you are the most loving and caring person I know. You’re always reaching out to others, maybe even a little too much, and you’re always checking on them. You’ve made a world of difference to everyone. Your friends need you, your family needs you, and I need you here. And I would be devastated if anything were to happen to you.” It was hard to believe anything he said. You wanted to, you wanted to so desperately. But you weren’t sure of anything anymore, and the most you could do was cling to him like a koala and hope that what he said was true. “Let me in. Let me be there for you. Trust me, please.” You’d never heard those words from Katsuki before. They sounded odd coming from his mouth, like they didn’t really belong on his tongue. But you listened because it was Bakugou, and you wanted to trust him. You wanted to be able to feel okay, and he’d always been there no matter how much you’d tried to push him away.

“Okay,” you murmured against his chest, your tired eyes drooping shut in exhaustion. Your shoulders followed suit as they slumped downwards, and you gave in and crumbled into his arms. 

“You’re not a waste of space. You’re extremely important to me, and I don’t tell you that enough. Every day when you leave for work, I miss you. I love when you come home and greet me, and I’m a better person because of you. Y/N, you’ve gotten me through shit I didn’t think I was going to make it out of. And you know what? We can do this. We can do it together, and it’s going to take a lot of work, but we will do it. You’re not getting rid of me that easy.” You couldn’t help but to smile at that. “And I know you feel like a burden, but you’re not. Your problems are never a bother. People are here for you, they want to help support you and listen to you. I want to support you. I’m here, and I’m not going anywhere. Everything’s gonna be okay. I love you.” 

You couldn’t stop the fresh tears from falling, quiet hiccups taking over you as you cried into his shirt. “I love you too,” you managed somehow.

Bakugou rubbed a hand over your back, his chin coming to rest on your head as he sighed. “I’m not going to let you give up on yourself, no matter what.”

[moonlit-imagines]

Wasn’t Ready for That

Jonathan Byers x male!reader

warnings:

a/n: slightly altered so that reader is just the older sibling of nancy!

prompt: anonymous: “Jonathan Byers x male reader - the reader is the twin brother of Nancy , and he and Jonathan are best friends, Jonathan has a crush on the reader and kisses him but the reader freezes Up and Jonathan runs away before he can say anything. The reader has a crush on him too and ends up buying Jonathan something like candy or a bear idk and tells him he like him to and they end up cuddling and kissing.”

You and Jonathan had been through it all together, years and years of friendship that could never fade. And now it was like tradition since your younger brother and his were also best friends! Friends.

Sure, you guys were friends. Friends who spent nearly every waking moment together, friends who secretly pine over one another when no one is looking, friends who feel like they could just die when the other is away.

“Y/N, I think Jonathan’s here!” Your mom called up the stairs and almost immediately heard your footsteps as you rushed down the stairs, nearly tripping and tumbling down. “What did I tell you about running though the house?”

“Sorry, mom, just excited. See you later tonight!” You grabbed your jacket off of the coat rack and raced out the door and all the way to Jonathan’s car.

“Miss me?” He joked as he switched gears and began to drive off, you were actually out of breath from your little workout.

“Can’t say I did.” You smugly replied and felt him lightly punch your arm, both of you let out some intoxicating chuckles before letting them fade and sighing. “Where are we going?” You asked.

“I actually heard that the sunset looks really cool from the bleachers at school, wanna head there and hang out while we wait?” Jonathan shrugged at his own idea, it sounded better in his head, but you couldn’t pass up an opportunity to hand out with the one and only.

“Sounds good to me, hit the gas, Byers!” You pointed onward and Jonathan did exactly as instructed, the speedometer quickly rose. Your best friend would honestly do anything you asked him to, he knew it’d make you happy, even the stupidest of things.

You finally arrived at Hawkins High on a weekend, which didn’t exactly have the same mood as a weekday morning.

“This feels wrong.” You told him as you shut the passenger door.

“Yeah, it kind of does.” Jonathan draped his camera strap over his neck and led you over to the bleachers, picking the device up and pointing it your way. “Hey, y/n, smile!”

“Cheeeeese!” You gave the most over-exaggerated smile your face could handle and heard the picture snap. “Did I look good?”

“You always do.” He complimented and turned pink in the cheeks. Nice one, Jonathan. While he was stressing over what may or may not happen tonight, you ran ahead to climb on the bleachers. Don’t fuck this up, Jonathan. He kept repeating that in his mind until he noticed you waving to him from above the empty metal seats, so he decided to snap another photo.

“Come up here, Byers!” You shouted and watched as he meandered over. “Really? Can’t go any faster than that?”

“I could trip!” He argued insincerely and finally reached you on the top steps. “Happy now?”

“Meh, I guess.” You teased, but it was odd because Jonathan didn’t reply, maybe he didn’t catch your joke. But Jonathan was busy with his thoughts.

This is it. Kiss him. Over and over in his head. Your best friend stared at your lips and back up at your eyes. Now. Jonathan leaned forward and quickly pushed his lips into yours and pulled back just as fast. “I-I’m sorry.” You were frozen in shock. “I’m really sorry, I don’t—I thought maybe you were, I don’t know...” He didn’t know how to make up for his actions.

“It’s okay. I gotta go.” You made your excuse and hustled down the bleachers and onto the pavement, Jonathan groaned and called over:

“I can drive you home.” But you just kept walking. He may have fucked up beyond repair. What if he just outed himself for nothing? This whole time he was dumb enough to believe that you two could have been a perfect couple...shit!

You took your walk back home to reflect on what had just happened. It’s not like you didn’t feel the same way. Maybe you were scared? And surprised? He obviously liked you back and you just left him in the dust! Fucking hell. Just keep walking. And then you were home. You didn’t bother saying “hi” to anyone, you just walked right upstairs, nearly making it to your room before running into your sister, Nancy.

“Hey, everything okay?” She asked, noticing you were just a bit tense, which was unusual after a day with Jonathan.

“Perfect.” You snapped, which gave away your mood just like that. She wouldn’t leave you be and she wasn’t an idiot. You were her brother, she knew almost everything there was to know about you.

“Jonathan kissed you, didn’t he?” Nancy quietly asked so that none of the other house members could hear. That question made you freeze up just as much as the actual kiss. “I knew it.”

“What do I do, Nance?” You eagerly whined, seeing a smile creep on her face. “This isn’t funny!”

“Y/N, it’s obvious that you like him back. Go fix whatever you messed up before it’s too late.” She shook her head at you, leaving your jaw to drop.

“Wait, you know that I like guys?” You scrunched your eyebrows up, she seemed utterly unsurprised.

“I mean, I guess? I figured you liked Jonathan, but it was pretty obvious that he liked you.” Your sister explained. “Doesn’t matter right now, go! Do the right thing!” She nudged you along and you reluctantly returned to the stairwell and down to the front door to sneak out (with dad’s car keys).

You kept beating yourself up on the inside, why didn’t you just sit and talk with your best friend instead of booking it home? You knew that Jonathan would’ve talked about it if you had just let him. On your way to the Byers residence, you stopped by the convenience store that his mom, Joyce, worked in to pick up an excuse and an apology.

“Y/N, it’s good to see you! What are you doing here?” Joyce shuffled out from behind the counter and gave you a hug.

“Just picking up a quick snack!” You put on your mask of lies and plucked Jonathan’s favorite candy off the shelf, setting it next to the register. Joyce already knew who that was for. She rang it up real quick and you handed her a dollar, then swiped the candy off of the counter and said a quick goodbye. “Nice seeing you, Ms. Byers, love ya!” The door shut and you hopped back into dad’s car and drove in the direction of Jonathan’s house, hoping he was home by now. Lucky for you, his car was back in the driveway. You jogged up tonthe door and gave it a good knock before his younger brother answered.

“Hi, y/n. He’s in his room.” Will let you inside and closed the door behind you.

“Thanks, kiddo.” You approached Jonathan’s door and gave it a few taps.

“Come in.” You heard his defeated voice muffle through the door. You slowly pushed it open and surprised Jonathan with your presence in his dark room as you kicked the door shut. “Shit, hi.” He scrambled to sit up straight.

“Catch.” You tossed his candy to him. “That’s my formal apology.” You smirked, your sense of humor was still there. “No, but really, I’m sorry.”

“Why? I was the one that kissed you.” He unwrapped the candy bar and took a bite, diverting eye contact from you, but there was just a bit of light peaking through the window to illuminate a track of tears that had ran down his face. You did that.

“Yeah, but my reaction was a little uncalled for.” You shrugged and sat down beside him in bed, dippinb the mattress just a bit.

“Well, if you’re not gay, then you’re not gay.” He sighed and cringed as he replayed his actions again and again in his mind.

“I came here to tell you that I like you back.” You finally revealed and Jonathan’s neck whipped around to look at you, you weren’t joking.

“You couldn’t have lead with that?” Your best friend swatted with a cheeky smile, reaching his hand out for you to take.

“Oops.” You giggled and took his hand, pulling him close enough for a do-over that lasted just a few seconds minutes longer than the first one had. It was good to have this all cleared up, and it’d be a great story to tell one day. He soon wrapped his arms around you and got you to lay with him for just a while, taking in the fact that this was real.

“So, are we going to be boyfriends now?” He curiously asked, hoping that it was a “yes.”

“Odds are in your favor, Byers.” You brushed some hair from his face and gave him a kiss on the forehead. “But I gotta get going soon, I stole my dad’s car to get here and I don’t know when he’s going to notice.”

taglist: @locke-writes // @queenofthehairharrington // @bonniesbabybunnie // @lotsoffandomrecs // @wolfish-willow // @captainshazamerica // @ravenmoore14 // @purpleskiesstorm // @breezykdilan

[ajemkjutbabagril]

Tsukishima and Yamaguchi were always close. They were childhood best friends, always there for each other.

As years went by, Tsukishima lost his trust in others, even tho Yamaguchi always stayed by his side, he stopped trusting his best friend.

Yamaguchi, as an introverted, didn't know how to make any friends other than Tsuki. They were always together, so he didn't feel a need to have other people around him.

At some point in their school years, Tsukishima often started saying "Shut up, Tadashi" which Yamaguchi would only respond with "Sorry Tsuki". Yamaguchi got sick of constantly apologising even tho it's not his fault. He wanted new people around him, someone who cared about him as much as he cares about others. But the problem was that he didn't know how to make a lasting friendship. He was scared that things would turn out like they did with Tsuki.

Even though Yams was tired of others, even his best friend, treating him like trash, he didn't say anything. Things continued the same way.

~~~

On summer break, Tadashi and Kei went with Kei's parents and brother on a vacation. Tadashi was really exited about it because he loved nature and also wanted to spend some time without his parents.

But, as soon as they stepped in the car, the mood went down. Tsukishima, as always, listened to music on his headphones while Akiteru tried to have a small conversation with Yamaguchi. They talked about last school year and what are the plans for trip. Parents were also a part of conversation and tried getting their younger son to join in.

Needless to say that it didn't work.

Small talks and awkward silence filled the rest of the car ride.

When they arrived at apartments, owned by Kei's cousins, it was already pretty late. They were all tired of a long ride so they went straight to bed.

The next few days continued like this.

~~~

The last day, in the morning, when Yams woke up, Tsuki's mom already made breakfast. The last to get out of the bed was Akiteru who was woken up by Tsukishima slamming the door behind him as he stormed off to the roof, which was a beautiful and huge balcony. It was his favourite place in the hotel. Not many people knew about that place. Only Kei, Akiteru and their cousin that was also in high school knew about it and only those three shared copies of the key. They all got it from owner's son who stole only three copies.

As Tsukishima left the room, Yamaguchi was left confused and before he could even get up and go after his best friend Akiteru told him where Kei is most likely to be and he gave him the key. Tadashi went to look for Tsuki and sure enough, found him right where Akiteru said he would be.

Tsukishima was standing on farest spot from the door, admiring the beauty of the forest.

It seemed like he didn't hear the Freckles boy enter.

When he was about five metres away from the blonde one, he stepped on some dry leaves that cracked under his feet. Tsukishima turned around in the blink of an eye thinking it was his brother that followed him.

"How did you find me? Who gave you the key?"

"Akiteru told me you would be here, he gave me the key."

"Why did you follow me here?"

"I wanted to talk to you."

"About what?"

"About you being negative since we left the town. Why are you acting like this? You used to love going on summer trips."

"It's because I didn't think my brother would be coming. I wanted to show you around the town myself since it's your first time here."

"You could've still shown me."

"Well it's too late, Akiteru already took a spot as your personal guide.. You've already seen all places in and around the town."

"I haven't visited all places. There are still some left."

"Like what?"

"Like waterfall. I wanted to go there with you."

"Well it's 9am and we're leaving after lunch that's at 1pm, so we wouldn't have much time to spend there."

"So what? There's only one thing I wanna do when I see the fall."

"If it's just one thing then go ask Akiteru to drive you there. That way you'll get there faster and you could spend some time there as well. I know how much you love exploring nature."

"I can't ask him I need you to be there, so let's just go we're wasting time talking!"

"Ugh fine."

"Yay now hurry up and pack water bottles and I'll go get some snacks."

"You know we won't be there forever.."

"I know but we're going to walk so it's better to have something with us."

"Guess you're right"

They packed up everything they need and Akiteru agreed to put their stuff in their bags so they have more time for a walk.

"Why is there so much up-hill.."

"There's a path with a smaller climb but it would take more time. You know, the time we don't really have."

"How much more.."

"We're almost there. It's about another five minutes."

"Ah thank God there's not much left"

Exactly four minutes later

"There it is."

"Wow it's so cool! And there's no people here! It'll be a great photo!" ^^

"Yea yea.. Just hurry up and place the camera where you want it to be."

"Okay Tsuki !!"

~~~

Yams placed the camera and set the timer.

~~~

"Come here Tsuki! I want you to be in the picture as well!"

"Do I have to.."

"Yes you do! Now come here already!"

~~~

They took some photos together

~~~

"We have to start heading back it's already 11:30."

"This is the last one I promise!"

"Fine. I'll go set the timer this time."

Tsukishima sets the timer and it starts counting down.

10..9.. 8.. 7..

They are now standing next to each other ready to take that last perfect photo.

6.. 5.. 4..

Tsuki looks at Yams with soft eyes

"Look at the camera not me!"

"No <3"

3.. 2..

Tsukishima kisses Yamaguchi

.. 1

*picture taken* and they both know it but they are not pulling apart so soon

Tsuki pulls apart, still looking down, admiring Tadashi's face more than he admired the forest view that morning.

"There. You have the perfect picture for your photo album"

- please read the tsukiyama fanfic by @alyskei the link is down the page thank

you :))

[drethanramslay]

A Christmas Miracle

Pairing: Ethan Ramsey x MC (Leah Garcia)

Word Count: 1650 words

Masterlist

Warnings: None, its fluffy 🥰

Author’s note: Woah its been a while since I have posted and I truly apologize for the lack of content on my side🙈 But here I am, completely in my feels because its Christmas!! Merry Chrysler y’all. I hope you like this fic💓

I have decided to take part in @choicesweeklychallenge​ and the prompt is in bold-  “Merry Christmas, here's your gift.”

I am also taking part in @choicesdecemberchallenge and the prompt is Christmas

Song: I was listening to 80′s/ 90′s Christmas songs so you can do that as well

"Leah?"

Ethan's deep voice reverberated down the hallway as he placed his car keys in the funky bowl he had mixed feelings about.

"It will add some colour to our bare house, E." She had said as she patted his arm but all Ethan wanted to do was throw the abomination into the bay.

It was one of Leah's impulsive purchases in the local flea market which Ethan absolutely hated. While the vendor said it was some form of abstract art, it looked like a mangled kidney. At one point it may resemble a bowl but right now, the neon colours just made Ethan's head ache and itch to trash it.

It's better to ask for forgiveness than permission, right?

"Ethan? I am in the living room." Her lovely voice floated towards him as he hung his coat on the hook and sighed as the warmth of the central heating engulfed him in a bubble of warmth and comfort.

Leah was busy setting up the moderate-sized Christmas tree they had near the gigantic windows through which moonlight poured in. The in-built fireplace was raring with a lovely fire, which cast dancing shadows all around their house- a comfortable and large place with plenty of sunshine and tranquility. It was located a little further away from the hustle and bustle of the city but at the same time, it was a mere ten-minute drive to the hospital.

Ethan found the house adequately decorated and was a perfectly acceptable accommodation but according to Leah, it was dull and in dire need of life. But sadly, the long strenuous shifts at the hospital didn’t give them much time to paint the walls or add Leah’s collection of trinkets.

But it has just been six months since we have shifted. I could always take her to IKEA during the three days off for Christmas.

As he walked in and took his beanie and gloves, he noticed that she was wearing his sweater and socks, which caused his lips to twitch with an amused smile.

"You stole my socks this time?"

She turned around and shot him an innocent shrug, an impish smile on her lips. "They are so much more comfier than mine."

He shook his head as he placed his messenger bag in its place. "At the rate you are stealing my clothes, I won't have anything to wear."

She answered without turning towards him. “You say it like it is a bad thing.”

Ethan rolled his eyes and replied, sarcasm lacing his baritone voice. “You would enjoy that, won’t you?”

She turned and placed a hand on her hip and shifted her weight to her right leg. “I take this no clothes policy at home very seriously. You should start doing that soon my dearest husband.”

He chuckled lowly as he headed towards his wife.

His wife... He still couldn't get over the immense joy he felt when he addressed her that. The day when she said yes to be his, was one of the best days of his life. It was not a very big ceremony, only close friends and family had been invited. It was a mesmerizing, joyous and magical day which he could never forget.

The sheer contentment he felt when he looked at the gold band on his ring finger was a reminder of how their souls were intertwined forever and there was nothing which could compare to the rush of emotions he felt.

He placed his large hands on her waist and turned her towards him. She complied and looked up. A radiant smile made its way on her face which caused an onslaught of butterflies in the pit of his stomach. There won't be a day when he won't feel those butterflies when she smiled at him that way.

He reached to cup her warm cheek causing her to involuntarily shiver. "You are cold Ethan," She chattered.

"Care to warm me up?" He asked with a sly smirk playing on his lips.

Immediately Leah lifted to her tiptoes and Ethan bent down so that their lips could meet. It was a sweet kiss of passion, a million loving thoughts condensed into a moment.

She pulled back and her hands reached into his brunette locks and combed her fingers through them. "Now that you are here, can you help me with decorating the place?"

"You want to decorate the place? Isn't the tree enough?"

"Just putting on a Christmas tree and slapping some decorations isn't enough! We need to put up stockings, presents under the tree, streamers, candle-"

"Sunshine... That is way too much."

"No, it's not. It's not like we are lacking place in this dry and bare living room-"

"Minimalistic living is an important lifestyle!"

“No, it is a boring lifestyle. I have told you we need to add more colour-”

They bickered back and forth before coming to a compromise which consisted of setting up the tree, the stockings and a few candles here and there.

Ethan grumbled as he placed a red bauble on one of the branches. 90’s Christmas songs were blasting through the speakers to which Leah sang as she hung three stockings above the fireplace with Ethan, Jenner and her names on it. He stepped to the side, out of Leah’s way as she shuffled in with the fairy lights and a gigantic star.

Jenner was in a very merry mood as well. She followed Leah with what seemed as starry eyes, yipping and providing her input every now and then. As Leah wrapped the tree with fairy lights, Ethan stood on the side and watched the entire scene unfold, a smile on his lips.

The way their small family worked together... Made his heart burst with gratitude, happiness and love.

"E, could you help me put the star on top of the tree?"

Ethan was going to follow through but in the last moment, he lifted Leah, causing her to yelp. "Ethan!"

"What? I am helping you."

She shot him a dry look as she placed the star on top. "You think you are very smooth?"

"Only for you, love."

A gentle blush decorated her face as she awkwardly coughed and straightened the invisible wrinkles on his- their sweater.

I should make her flustered more often.

"Uhh… Do you want your gift now? I mean it's already twelve and technically it's Christmas." Leah asked, her eyes glittering like the inky night sky, an undertone of excitement shining like stars.

Ethan cocked an eyebrow, equal parts intrigued and wary. He nodded his head and Leah skipped towards the dining table as if eagerness provided a boost in her step. She reached for a paper bag with snowflakes printed on it and walked back towards Ethan.

“You might want to sit down for this.”

Uncertainty coloured his features as he took his place on the comfortable couch. “Leah… what is going on?”

“Merry Christmas, here's your gift. Open it,” She handed the bag to him and Ethan stuck his hand inside to find his gift. His fingers brushed against a smooth cloth which he clutched and pulled out so that he could scrutinize it better under the bright light of the room.

“Relax my dad is a doctor…” He read it slowly, his heart thundering against his chest, threatening to leap out as the realization set in.

“Sunshine…?” He looked up to see small tears on the edge of Leah’s beautiful chocolate brown eyes.

“Yes.”

“I am going to be a dad?” He asked, disbelief laced as he held the onesie against his chest. He looked at her face then her stomach.

“Yes, Ethan.”

“We are going to be parents?”

Leah chuckled as happy tears slipped down her face. She nodded her head. “Yes, Ethan. We are going to be parents.”

In a split of a second, Leah was pulled into a crushing hug and spun, causing her to laugh and wrap her arms around his neck. “Ethan!!”

“Leah, we are going to be parents.” Ethan whispered to her as he set her down and gazed lovingly into those familiar earthy hues which had come to be his safe place- his home. Leah cupped his cheek. “Yes, E. We would be some bomb ass parents.”

He placed his hand on her lower abdomen, a grin on his face. “I don’t know what that means but I trust it means well. When did you know?”

Leah smiled lovingly and placed her hand over his. “I found out two weeks ago when I had been late for my period. I had a hunch since I had been feeling sicker than usual. I took a blood test and lo and behold.”

“Did you already do the ultrasound?”

“Nope, I was waiting to tell you so that we could go together, tomorrow morning- well technically today-” Leah continued to babble when Ethan interrupted her.

“Leah?”

“Yeah?”

“Shut up.”

Ethan placed a chaste kiss on her lips, trying to convey all the emotions he was feeling. All the babbling thoughts on Leah’s mind died immediately as his lips engulfed hers in a passionate embrace. He rested his forehead against hers, his arms still around her. “Thank you so much, Leah… I am so blessed to have you and our little creation. I love you.”

“I love you too Ethan. I am so excited to start this new chapter in our lives together. I can’t wait to tell our family and friends.”

“Your dad is going to kill me.”

“Nah, he won’t”

“Well, I would for our daughter.”

“Ethan... we don’t know if it is a girl. For all, we know it could be a boy.”

“It is a fifty-fifty chance and I have a good feeling it is going to be a girl, sunshine. Can’t wait to spoil all my three girls.” Jenner barked in agreeance in the background causing them to laugh.

And for the rest of the night, they celebrated their Christmas miracle in each other’s arms.

I hope you liked it and it certainly was uncharted territory for me to write married AU😅 

Love you all and season’s greetings

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[notnctu]

[2:37 AM] your best friends, johnny and jaehyun, helped your extremely intoxicated boyfriend, doyoung, into the passenger seat of the car. the car keys in your hand grew sweaty at the anticipation of driving. 

it was a fun night out with the boys, and it wouldn’t be a successful night if doyoung wasn’t completely wasted by the end of it. it was a smart idea that you stayed sober. the moment you saw doyoung take his first shot, after many attempts of persuasion from the other two, he met his destiny. 

now, your dilemma was getting behind the wheel and driving the both of you home safely. you weren’t a new driver, in fact, you’ve had your license for the past four years. but with no car of your own, lack of practice, and metropolitan transportation, you became very inexperienced. 

it wasn’t driving that made you anxious. it was the anxiety that you barely ever drove in the first place. you had let the thought fester inside of you after all these years, and it caused you to lack confidence behind the wheel.

situations like tonight were a rare occasion. doyoung tried so hard to avoid getting drunk, like the crease between his eyebrows would’ve been permanent had you not given him reassurance. and when your boyfriend drinks, your best friends don’t hold back. 

“are you sure you don’t want us to drive you two home?” johnny asked as they both walked around the trunk. 

“yeah, we can swing by in the morning and get doyoung’s car.” jaehyun added, both sharing concerned expressions.

you took a few deep breaths of the chilly air to calm your nerves, “no. i can do it. also, you two live on the opposite side of town. thanks for getting him to the car.” you leaned in to give both a quick hug and friendly kiss on the cheek.

the two hesitantly returned the affection, eyeing one another cautiously. “but it’s really no hassle. i mean, are you going to be okay?” jaehyun held onto your wrist when it dropped from his side.

“guys, i have my license for a reason. have some faith in me.” you rolled your eyes, but you could see that they weren’t convinced. “it’s late, the streets are empty! i’ll have my playlist on, my boyfriend won’t be nagging me because he’s drunk. it’s a fifteen minute drive. everything. is. going. to. be---”

“---okay. just text the both of us when you pull into your spot.” johnny patted your head lovingly and relaxed the tension in his jaw.

“alright, dad.” you chuckled, and opened the door to the driver’s seat.

“we’ll wait for you to pull out of the parking lot.” jaehyun waved another small goodbye, shining his dimples once more. 

you knew your best friends meant well because it wasn’t a secret that driving made you feel slightly anxious. they were always watching out for you, whether that be picking you up from work in the middle of the city or delivering you food when doyoung wasn’t available. 

the second the engine roared, your drowsy boyfriend shot up. his eyes were alert and quite startled. he blinked rapidly to register where his body was and turned to face you. “i can drive, honey.” 

you scoffed, while buckling your seat belt and adjusting the mirrors. “no, you can’t. you’re very drunk, doie. i don’t condone drinking and driving.” 

“no, really! i’m fine. my vision isn’t blurry at all, my reflexes are superior. wait, when did i give you my keys?” doyoung rambled with big arm motions to prove his motor skills were functional.

but you shook your head. and his hand fell on top of yours to stop you from shifting gears. “wait, wait, wait! did you check your mirrors? for pedestrians! please, be careful.” 

“you know, for someone who couldn’t even walk, you’re running your mouth an awful lot.” you grumble and doyoung withdrew his hand. he sat back in his seat, sneakily gripping the side of the cushion. 

“you’re right. i’m sorry, i’m not helping at all. you got this, sweetie. i’ll just be an extra pair of eyes.” he looked up at your profile, analyzing the tightness of your cheeks. he reached over, and rested a warm hand on your thigh to comfort you.

you relaxed in his grip, and you stole a fast glance at your boyfriend, who stared back at you with eyes full of love. “i’m going to listen to some music.”

“yea, sure. i’ll play your playlist, hmm? you always have the best songs.” you and him have very different music tastes, meaning your bunny boyfriend was definitely still intoxicated. 

you gave him a small smile and a whispered a soft thank you. you released the brake, and slowly drove out of the parking lot. johnny and jaehyun waved goodbye excitedly in your rear view mirror. 

“i love you so much, (y/n).” your boyfriend pouted with droopy eyes. “im drunk, but i mean it! and im really proud of you. you’re actually driving! i’ll definitely remember this in the morning.” doyoung exclaimed a bit loudly over the stereo.

you two shared a hearty laugh, already feeling tremendous times better than before. “i love you too, bunny.” there was a small struggle, but he managed to kiss the side of your concentrated face. “save the kisses for when we get home.”

“sorry, i couldn’t resist. you’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me. i don’t know where i’d be without you.” you couldn’t see it, but you knew his infamous gummy smile was plastered silly on his face.

“probably left stranded in the club’s parking lot.” 

[fleetingpieces]

Finding you

This was supposed to be a short drabble with some angst and lots of fluff, but ended up being a long one shot with lots of angst. Oops.

Trigger warning: violence, slurs and abuse. Please look after yourself :) Fuck.

Remus froze by the door, the keys still dangling in his hand. The sight in front of him was one that never promised anything good; the smell of smoke and beer was strong, making the air in the room feel heavy and loaded. He could already feel the cold sweat at the back of his neck. He considered opening the door again and just leaving the house, but then one of the men sitting in the living room glanced up, and his eyes landed right on Remus, smirking, making Remus’ muscles lock in disgust.

Remus knew the two men all too well. He knew their names, but never thought of them if he could avoid it; they brought too many bad memories. The dark-haired one -who was still looking at Remus- was the worst; the one with dirty blond curls was just a stupid pawn. Both of them were sprawled on the couch, talking loudly as if they were in their own house, their dirty boots propped on the coffee table that Remus had cleaned that very morning.

Their visits were becoming more and more frequent, and Remus didn’t miss how they always coincided with Lyall’s worst episodes. He was pretty sure they actually encouraged them for their own amusement.

His sorry excuse of a father followed his friend’s gaze then, finally noticing Remus still standing by the front door. Remus gulped as Lyall’s bleary eyes became darker.

“Where the fuck were you?”

“At work.” He tried to come out strong, but the sound of the keys clinking in his trembling hand betrayed his attempt.

Lyall stood up and took a couple of wobbly steps closer to Remus, bracing a hand on the shelf on the wall to support himself. Behind him, the man with raven black hair looked Remus up and down slowly, licking his lips. Remus felt dirty being watched like that.

“I told you I was having people over. I ordered you to come back to make dinner for us,” said Lyall, glaring at him. Remus felt his blood boil.

“Well someone has to bring money to pay the bills, since you are too busy being a lazy ass drunkard.”

He regretted the words as soon as they left his lips, it was not smart of him to talk like that right now. But he was just overwhelmed by the unfairness of it all.

“Don’t talk to me like that, you fucking brat!” Lyall yelled, swinging his arm violently over the shelf he’d been holding, and throwing everything on top of it to the floor.

Remus watched horrified as the silver frame that had his mother’s picture fell through the air, arching as if in slow motion. It landed viciously on the hardwood floor. When he heard the loud crack it made, Remus felt his heart shattering as well.

The sound sprang him into motion for the first time since stepping into this godforsaken house. He rushed over, kneeling on the floor next to the small shards scattered all over the floor. One of them dug itself into his knee, but Remus barely even noticed it. He was looking at the frame, the glass had cracked into a million pieces, forming sharp spiderwebs that spreaded over Hope’s smiling face.

“What the hell are you doing?!” Remus yelled, holding it close to his chest with both arms, protecting it like his life depended on it. Maybe it did.

He was using all of his strength to fight the tears; he would not cry in front of these men. Standing up slowly, he glared at Lyall. Remus could have sworn that he saw regret in his eyes for a moment, but it was gone the minute Remus spoke again.

“You disgust me,” he spat.

Lyall’s eyes glinted, and if Remus hadn’t been holding his mother’s picture he would have raised his arms to protect his head. As it was though, Lyall’s fist connected with his jaw, making his head snap to the side painfully. He’d punched him with the full strength of a drunken adult, which made Remus see stars dancing in his vision and stumble back, while the two guys behind them cackled loudly.

A few tears escaped Remus’ eyes then, both from the pain in his face and the even greater one in his chest. He could still remember a time when the man in front of him was actually his father. A time when they would laugh together, and Lyall would teach him to play ball. But that had all been when Hope was still in their lives. Lyall had not been the same after the accident, and in consequence, Remus had lost both of his parents the day Hope’d died.

Cold fear crept up Remus’ spine as he stared at the rage seeping out of Lyall’s eyes. He knew where this was going, how everything would turn out if he didn’t do something; and he was pretty sure that he didn’t have any more antiseptics or gauzes hidden in his room, he’d used them all the last time.

He took a careful step back.

“Where do you think you are going?”

Remus didn’t stay to give an answer, he turned around and bolted to his room. Lyall was too drunk to catch him, but Remus could hear the clumsy steps and the string of curses following behind him. As soon as he had one foot inside his bedroom, he slammed the door shut, throwing the lock on.

He took a couple of steps back, not daring to take his eyes off the door, but he still flinched when Lyall started pounding on it.

“Open the fucking door!”

His back bumped into the opposite wall, and he leaned his weight against it. He was shaking way too much to stand on his own.

Fuck fuck fuck fuck.

What should he do? There was no way he could open that door, but Lyall was pummeling it so hard that the hinges were groaning. Remus glanced around frantically, and his eyes landed on his dresser. Pushing himself off the wall, he rushed over and shoved it in front of the door, panting with the effort.

There was a pause in the rapping, leaving behind a silence that felt heavy on Remus' shoulders. His breathing was coming in short and painful bursts; the air around him didn’t seem enough to fill his lungs. He needed to calm down, but he also needed to get the fuck out of there, he didn’t believe for a second that Lyall had simply decided to let it go.

Remus took out his phone and called the only person that was on his mind at that moment. Luckily, the line rang only two times.

“Hello?”

“Sirius..”

“Re? Hey, what’s up?”

Remus took a shaky breath in, willing his voice to be steady, but he could only manage a hoarse whisper.

“Can you come pick me up?”

“Right now? I can’t, my bike broke down yesterday, remember? I didn’t have time to get it fixed yet.”

Remus did remember. James, Sirius and Remus had gone to an old dirt road that Sirius loved to go to because it meant he could use his bike at top speed and pretend he was in a Motocross race. But Sirius had also tried to teach James how to ride it, which had clearly been a terrible mistake. James had somehow managed to crash into a tree going 20 km an hour; and even though he hadn’t been injured, the handlebar had broken. Sirius had almost cried when he saw the state of his motorbike, and Remus had been teasing both him and James since.

“James’ parents took the car too, but I could take a bus to your house,” Sirius suggested, saying it as a question, but Remus shook his head even if Sirius couldn’t see him. He knew it would be too late then.

“No, no. It’s ok. Don’t worry, everything’s fine.”

His voice broke at the end, and Remus had to clamp a hand over his mouth to reign in a sob.

“What’s wrong?” Sirius asked immediately. The worry in his voice was evident, but Remus’ throat had closed up, he couldn’t reply. “Re? Remus, what’s going on?”

The pounding on the door started again, making Remus jump while he scrambled to hang up. He didn’t want Sirius listening to this.

“REMUS! I swear I will knock this fucking door down!”

Remus didn��t doubt that he meant it. He had to get out.

Grabbing a bag from his wardrobe, Remus hastily filled it with essentials, starting with the picture frame he was still holding against his chest. He wrapped it up in a t-shirt to protect the rest of his stuff from the broken glass, there was not time to get rid of it now.

All the while, the curses and fists against the door didn’t stop; Remus could tell that the other two men had joined in to try and get into his room. Right then, he was so fucking thankful for that old, heavy dresser.

The wood sounded like it was cracking when Remus had finally gathered everything he needed and threw the window open. Trying not to think about the distance to the ground, he swung both legs over the windowsill and jumped as quietly as he could.

Remus rolled on the floor a few times, a sharp pain shooting through his knee. He’d completely forgotten about the shard of glass that had undoubtedly buried itself deeper just now, but that was the least of his worries at the moment. He had to go before they noticed he was gone. He didn’t think they would go after him, but he couldn’t take any chances.

Greeting his teeth, Remus ran down the street until he turned the corner; then he slowed down a bit until he was walking at a fast pace, mentally preparing himself for the 45 minute walk to James’ house. The fresh night air felt like a blessing against his face as he tried to calm his nerves, but Remus knew he wouldn’t feel completely safe until he was at his friend’s house.

He was about halfway there when his phone rang.

“Remus!”

“James?”

“Rem, what the hell is going on? Sirius has been walking around the house like a maniac, babbling nonsense about you acting weird, and needing our help…”

“It’s fine James, don’t worry. I’m actually on my w-” Remus tried to explain, but James kept talking at full speed.

“...and then Mum and Dad came back and Sirius just stole the car keys and ran out, yelling for me to call you and tell you that-”

“Wait, what?” Remus yelled, stopping abruptly in the middle of the sidewalk.

“Yeah, he just said he was going to get you. He looked pretty worried when he left, but he didn’t explain anything.”

“No. No no no no no.”

Remus panicked. If Sirius went to his house, where Lyall and his friends were surely mad that Remus had ran away… He shuddered to think what they would do. And Sirius absolutely lacked common sense and self preservation, he was too reckless.

“Remus? Remus please, talk to me.”

“I need to call him. He can’t go there, I need to-”

“I tried, but the prat left his phone. He just ran off as soon as my parents came in.”

Remus felt as if his world was starting to collapse. He couldn’t stand the idea of Sirius getting hurt because of him. He couldn’t stand the idea of Sirius getting hurt, period. He looked around frantically, as if he would find something that could help him in the deserted street.

“How long ago did he leave?” he asked James. He could hear the desperation in his own voice, and the confusion in James’.

“Just a few minutes, but-”

Remus hung up. He turned around and sprinted as fast as he could, back to the hell house. He felt his phone vibrating in his pocket, but he couldn’t stop to explain everything to James. The only thing on his mind was Sirius.

Images of everything that Remus had been going through at home came rushing in, but with Sirius’ face instead of his, bloody and broken. The mere mental image caused him so much pain and rage, it was unbearable.

Sirius was the most important person in his life, the thought of losing him scared the shit out of Remus. He was like the sunshine in Remus’ longest night. He’d picked up Remus’ pieces when his Mum’s death had torn him apart, and stayed by his side when Lyall started spiralling down. He always knew where to find Remus and how to bring him into the light.

Remus had never told any of his friends what was going on at home, he couldn’t stand the idea of them looking at him with pity, knowing he was a coward that couldn’t stand up for himself. Especially not Sirius. Sirius who was all courage, smiles and warm feelings.

Feelings, Remus groaned internally.

He’d been trying to get rid of his feelings for Sirius for months now, but they only seemed to be getting stronger. Remus had been terrified when he’d realized he was in love with his best friend, he’d had no idea what to do. He still didn’t. Telling his friends that he was gay would have been a good start, but after Hope had passed Remus had lost the nerve to do it. He couldn’t tell Sirius, he couldn’t risk losing him.

His lungs were burning by the time he reached his house, but the sight of the Potter’s car parked hastily with the front wheel on top of the curb gave him a boost of energy.

The front door was open, the yelling reaching Remus’ ears and sending another pang of fear through him.

“Where’s Remus?!”

As Remus stepped in, what he saw inside froze him in place for a moment, just like a mere hour earlier. But the sight in front of him right now was scarier in a very different way.

The man with the dirty blond hair was sprawled on the floor, unconscious. The other man was just standing there, cracking his knuckles and laughing perversely at the two men standing in the middle of the room. Lyall seemed to be out of it, a beer bottle clutched in his hand and his eyes full of hate.

And Sirius.

Sirius was shorter than Lyall, but he was standing just a few inches from him nonetheless, yelling in his face. His hair was in a messy bun, strands falling in his face, and Remus gasped when he saw the split lip, blood trickling down Sirius’ chin. Even in this shitty situation and with everything going on around him, Remus thought that he was beautiful.

Then he cursed himself, focusing again.

“Sirius!”

The three men went quiet as they turned around, the tension in the room shifting on its edge to land on Remus, almost crushing him. He could feel their gazes and everything they carried, the hate, the anger, the lasciviousness. Remus blocked all of those, focusing solely on Sirius, making sure he was ok.

Remus was not ready for Sirius’ reaction when the boy took a good look at him though. Remus could only imagine what he looked like: sweaty, with blood on his jeans and maybe a swollen face. He watched as Sirius’ scowl got deeper and he spun around, shoving Lyall hard.

“What the fuck did you do to him?!”

Lyall staggered back but managed to stay up.

“It has nothing to do with you!”

Remus, who was already used to it, saw it coming before Sirius did. As Lyall threw his arm back, Remus’ feet moved on their own, and before he realized it he was standing between the two of them, looking right at Lyall’s surprised eyes as his fist connected with the side of Remus’ head.

The force of the impact threw him back, making him fall into Sirius’ arms. The warmth of the other boy’s hands against his sides seeped through his clothes, warming him up to the very core, and Remus glanced up. There was so much concern in Sirius’ eyes that it disarmed him; he was lost in the stormy grey, forgetting about everything else for a second. Remus desperately wanted to place a hand on Sirius’ cheek to reassure him, or maybe kiss his lip better…

“I know what you are!” Lyall’s screaming brought Remus back to the cold, hard reality. “You try to hide it, but everyone knows you’re a damned faggot! It’s your own fault if you got hit, protecting your nancy boyfriend like that!”

Remus paled, his thoughts turning cold as he felt Sirius’ whole body tense up behind him.

No. Please, no. Not now.

“He’s not my boyfriend, leave him out of this,” Remus said, trying to sound calm, but his voice was shaking. What was Sirius thinking? Remus didn’t have the courage to turn around and see, so he stepped out of his grasp instead.

The dark-haired man started laughing loudly then. Remus had almost forgotten he was even there, but his head snapped to him when he felt an icy hand close around his wrist, tugging him forward harshly.

“So it’s true? I’ve been wondering for a while, you know; thought I could teach you a thing or two,” Rick said, lust filling his voice. No, no, don’t think about his name. It doesn’t matter, he’s inconsequential, Remus tried telling himself.

The man pulled him closer, pressing his body against Remus’ back, inhaling the scent from his hair. One of the hands was still holding his wrist with bruising strength, but when the other slipped under his t-shirt, Remus felt paralyzed.

“What are you doing?” Lyall asked. He looked slightly less drunk now, but was stunned in place, his eyes wide. Remus looked up at him pleadingly.

“Nothing, we are just having some fun, right boy?” the man said in a mocking tone.

Lyall didn’t move and Remus wanted to scream at him to do something. Hell, he was screaming at his own body to do something, but the connection between his brain and his extremities was numb, like the rest of him.

“Let go of him,” a quiet voice said. Remus fixed his eyes on the source of it, and was met with pure, concentrated rage. He’d never seen such fury in Sirius’ eyes, and even the dark-haired man took a step back.

“You’ll stay out of it if you know what’s good for you, kid. Unless you want to take his place?”

The words hung in the air as they made their way into Remus’ brain, and once they sunk in, everything in Remus’ vision turned red. He was not going to let that asshole touch so much as a hair on Sirius's head. He brought his elbow up, digging it deep into the man’s stomach, who doubled over. Sirius rushed forward then and pushed the man with his shoulder, making him stumble backwards and crash into the small table.

Not wasting any time, Sirius grabbed Remus by the hand and tugged him gently but hurriedly to the door, making a quick exit before the man could recover. He only stopped for a second next to the still stunned form of Lyall, looking at him with revulsion.

“Hope would be ashamed of you,” he spat with a venomous glare. As Sirius dragged him outside, Remus looked back and was pretty sure he could see Lyall’s face crumble before he covered it with his hands.

Sirius didn’t stop until they were next to the car. He opened the passenger door for Remus and carefully helped him climb in, even buckling the seatbelt for him. Remus let his friend handle him; he felt like his mind was miles away, the events of the night had not settled in yet, but they were approaching him like an oncoming train.

They rode in silence. Sirius was gripping the steering wheel so hard that his knuckles turned white, and he kept stealing glances at Remus, but none of them said a word.

James, who'd been pacing by the front door, rushed down the steps when he saw them approaching through the long driveway to the estate. They weren't even completely out of the car before James threw his arms around Remus' neck.

"Oh god, oh thank fucking god. Are you guys ok?" 

He examined Remus' appearance, scowling at what he saw. When Sirius joined them near the entrance, Remus tried his best not to look him in the eye, which made James glance between the two of them, confused.

"My mum is going crazy. She's going to bombard you with questions as soon as you step in," he said, trying to get a grasp on the situation himself.

Remus shook his head quickly.

"Please, I don't want to talk about it. Not right now," he whispered.

James was about to argue, but a look from Sirius shut him up, so he nodded instead.

"Ok. Ok, I'll go talk to them," he said, and without any warning, he lunged forward again, hugging Remus tightly. "I'm so glad you're ok. You scared the living daylights out of me." 

It took Remus two seconds to figure out how to move his body again so he could hug James back just as tight. What had he done to deserve friends like this?

James squeezed him one last time before turning around and going into the house, leaving Remus and Sirius alone. Silence fell, broken only by the chirping of the crickets in the big garden that surrounded the house from all sides, and the faint sound of the sea a few miles away. 

When Sirius extended a hand towards him, Remus couldn't help but flinch back. He felt bad instantly as he finally looked up at Sirius, surprised by his own reaction, and saw how Sirius stopped his hand mid-air with a pained expression on his face.

Remus wanted to explain, but what could he say? That even though his brain felt muddled, he couldn’t stop thinking about every time Lyall and his friends had beaten him up?

He didn’t need to say anything though, ‘cause Sirius’ face softened like he understood exactly what Remus was thinking. Not taking his eyes away from Remus’, Sirius extended his hand again, deliberately slow, and held it between them as an offering. He was giving Remus a choice. He didn’t move a muscle until Remus tentatively laced their fingers together, and then Sirius smiled softly, tugging at his hand gently to lead him inside.

Sirius led him up to the first floor, ignoring the hushed voices coming from the kitchen, which Remus was grateful for. He didn’t have the strength to face Mrs and Mr Potter right now.

He didn’t realize Sirius was not taking him to the guest room until he dragged Remus into his own bedroom, closing the door behind them.

As Sirius finally let go of his hand to drop Remus’ bag on the bed, and Remus realized that he was actually there, that he was safe, the numbness in his body receded and the weight of everything crashed into him, as if the train had finally run him over. The events of the night, the months of abuse, the fact that Sirius of all people had seen it, that Sirius knew. Oh God, Sirius knew the truth, he knew everything! 

It was impossible for Remus to keep himself together any longer.

He slumped on the floor with his back against the bed, hugging his legs. When it became obvious that he would not be able to reign in the tears, he buried his face in his knees, as the sobs quietly shook him. He was sure Sirius would hate him now, and there was no way that Remus could recover from that.

Just a little longer, he thought, for only a few minutes more he wanted to pretend like none of this had happened and that he could have his friends for a bit more. That he could survive this. He hugged himself tighter, trying to keep his pieces together.

“Remus.”

Remus tensed up, but didn’t move. Not yet, please, not yet. I’m not ready.

Warm hands rested lightly on his wrists, kindly prying his arms apart to undo his curled up position.

“Re, look at me,” Sirius whispered.

Reluctantly, Remus slowly raised his head. 

“How long has this been going on?” he asked in a quiet but steely voice. Remus wasn’t sure anymore if the anger was directed at him or not, he had never seen Sirius like this. He turned his head to the side, letting his gaze fall on the floor.

“A while,” he replied quietly.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Sirius almost yelled, and the pain in his voice startled Remus into looking at him again.

“I..I didn’t want you to pity me. I didn’t want you to see that side of me,” he said with furrowed eyebrows.

“Remus I’m your best friend! I would have helped you!”

“And what could you have done, Sirius? I have nowhere to go!” Remus replied in the same heated tone. Anxiety gripped him again as he understood that he eventually would have to go back there, to that nightmare. Standing up, he started pacing up and down the room, the movement keeping him sane and functioning. “He’s gonna kill me when I go back,” Remus muttered more to himself than anything else.

“You are not going back there,” Sirius said in a hard voice, standing up as well. Remus stopped his pacing to huff a humorless laugh, staring at his feet.

“It’s not like I have a choice, Sirius. At some point, I’m gonna have to-”

“No. I don’t give a flying fuck about what you think you have to do. You are not going back to that house. And if you think Effie or any of us will let you anywhere near that man, then you are sorely mistaken. You’ll be staying here with us.”

Remus knew Mrs Potter cared for him and treated him just like she did Sirius, but there was no way he could impose on her like that. He didn’t feel like arguing about that now though, so he just stayed quiet. Both of them stood there, breathing heavily, Sirius with clenched fists and not taking his eyes off of him, while Remus wrung his hands nervously, still gazing at his feet.

It was a few long minutes before Sirius broke the silence again.

“Is it true?”

Remus knew instantly what Sirius was talking about, but he thought if he pretended not to hear, perhaps Sirius would drop it. He bit his lip, completely missing the way Sirius looked down at his mouth before going back up.

“What that prick said...is it true?” Sirius pressed.

When he didn’t answer again, the sound of steps filled the room before long fingers slipped under Remus’ chin with a care that he had never received before, lifting his head up until gold eyes were locked with silver ones.

Sirius searched his eyes, looking into his very soul, waiting for Remus to say something. Remus knew there was no point avoiding it, Sirius knew him far too well, and it was nearly impossible for Remus to deny him anything when he was staring at him with such an expectant look. He was so stupid when it came to Sirius.

“Yes,” Remus finally replied in a tiny whisper. Sirius’ fingers tensed the slightest bit, which threw Remus into a fit of nervous verbiage. Swallowing over the lump in his throat, he kept talking fast, “I understand if you feel uncomfortable or d-disgusted with me. Take your time, I...I just-”

“Remus, just shut up,” the tenderness in Sirius’ voice contrasted so much with his harsh words, that it left Remus feeling confused. With the rough fingertips still burning under his chin, Remus tilted his head to the side, trying to understand, but he couldn’t figure out the emotion swimming behind the molten silver of Sirius’ eyes.

Sirius hesitated, but then his hand slowly brushed Remus’ face, going up his jaw, until it was cupping his cheek.

“For a smart guy, you can be pretty clueless, you know?” Sirius said with a half smile.

“I...I’m not sure I follow,” Remus said with slightly wide eyes.

Sirius laughed quietly, shaking his head with fondness. He bent down to press their foreheads together, and Remus felt his breath hitch in his throat.

“How could I ever feel disgusted by you? Are you really that blind?”

Remus pulled away an inch with raised eyebrows. He was a bit dense regarding people’s feelings towards him, he knew that much as he always assumed the worst, but the way Sirius was acting...

“You...Are you saying that..?” Remus left the question unfinished; he wasn’t sure about anything anymore. Sirius was giving him a small, shy smile. Sirius Black, shy. Remus thought for sure that he must have been imagining things.

Brushing one of Remus’ curls behind his ear, Sirius struggled for a bit to find the words.

“Re, for the longest time I’ve been holding back. I...I wanted to tell you how I felt, but you were going through so much with your Mum, I just felt like I would be taking advantage when you weren’t doing so great. I didn’t want to add any more pressure into your life, I wanted to wait for the perfect time.”

He laughed bitterly.

“I know I’m not doing much better right now, but I just...I can’t let you sit there thinking that I would hate you for this Re, I...I fucking love you.”

Remus was speechless. All this time, he’d thought he was just a fool for falling for Sirius, for allowing himself to be so close to him when it hurt knowing he could never have him. Remus glanced down when he felt cool fingers lacing themselves with his, and then up to the boy in front of him.

There was so much love pouring out of Sirius that Remus thought he must have definitely been blind not to notice before.

Sirius stared into his eyes, silently asking a question. Remus nodded minutely, and not even a second later he felt soft lips brushing against his, slow and deep.

Remus' hands tangled into soft black locks, shivering at the idea that he was finally allowed to do it after spending so long wishing for it. Sirius’ own set to explore Remus’ body with a hunger that spoke volumes of Sirius’ restraint, caressing Remus back before settling on his hips.

When they broke apart, their breathing agitated, Remus hid his face in the crook of Sirius’ neck, dizzy with the feelings rushing through his body.

“Thank you for coming for me,” he mumbled against Sirius’ skin, eliciting a shiver from the other boy.

Sirius smiled softly, dropping kisses to Remus’ hair and temple. He slid his hands to the small of his back, bringing Remus closer to his chest.

“I will always find you, Moons.”

[mychemicalimagines]

You’re My Forever-Jasper Hale-Chapter 9

Summary: After the Battle of the Newborns, Bella reveals she’s getting married to Edward. After the wedding, Alexia’s life has been nothing but up. She gets to be with the love of her life forever. One little thing chances that. Will she actually get her forever…or will it end before it begins?

Warnings: Cussing, Angst, Supernatural, Paranormal, Love, Bella-Bashing, Smut, Blood

Words: 3556

Tag List:  @jayrart @elskinner45 @nocturnalherb16 @buckysforeverprincess @diyunho @negans-womam @deepobservationcherryblossom @fangirl1029 @thelostallycat @dreamslove92 @scarletmeii @thecaptainsgingersnap @jai-lynne-unknown @0-r-1-0-n @stephbass28 @magnificentzombiebasement @arseofrivia @vampiregirl1797 @millie-753 @fandom-imagines1 @aylamlc @celyndavies @geekysimmerthings @krazykatkay456 @marvelofwitch @frozenhuntress67 @sooophie19 @xcharlottemikaelsonx @azure23x @luna-thedarkwolf @treestarrrrrrrr @hi-my-name-is-riley @salsameter @jasperschillvibe @mikariell95 @whattheheckisevengoingon @starcatcher-kay @awesomebooklover17 @strangerthanfanfiction713 @nj01 @vxidnik @oi-itsemily @i-love-you-green @bubblyanis @emma-is-a-nerd @amethyst-atf @thegirlwhowishedeveryonelived @whyisgmora @kawaiikpoplover268 @booksalwaysandforever @fandomsstolemylife00 @rororo06 @jgtfvhsg @unadulteredscreams @justfangirliing @bitchy-witchy-post-mortem @kyky9103 @it-is-rebel-owl-ma-dudes @hiisay @aknerdchick @sana-li​

A/N: i have some news! Chapter 10 is probably gonna be the ending to this series! Oh my god, I never thought it would get this far! I love you guys!! (no it’s not a puppy XD!!!!) Comment some things you wanna see in the last chapter!!

Ask box is always open to ask Jasper and Ally some things about their relationship that you have ALWAYS wondered! 

That night, I’m laying on Charlotte’s bed, reading her a bedtime story. Well it’s not really a bedtime story, but rather it’s a book that’s filled with poems. Edward bought her the book so that she can get into poetry. It’ll give them something in common. He bought it before she got into piano but Charlotte loves it when we read this book to her anyway. This specific poem is called The Lotos-eaters  which is by Alfred-Lord Tennyson.

“There is sweet music that softer falls, than petals from blown roses on the grass.” I read aloud. “Or night-dews on still waters between walls, of shadowy granite, in a gleaming pass. Music that brings sweet sleep down from the blissful skies.”

I glance down at Charlotte who’s laying in my arms. Her eyes are closed and I smile. I gently move her and put the book on the side table after marking the spot we managed to get to tonight.

“Mommy?” Her sweet, precious and oh-so-innocent voice whispers.

“Yes, baby?” I look back down at her.

“Did Aunt Alice and Uncle Kevin run away because we’re gonna die?” She opens her eyes. “Because of me?”

“No, sweetie. I think they left to keep us safer.” I admit. “That’s what all these other people are here for too. I’ll never let anybody hurt you.” 

I kiss her head and cover her up more. She snuggles to her stuffed bunny that Emmett bought for her.

“Go to sleep baby.” I whisper before standing up.

I turn off her lights before walking into the living room. I sigh and pick up the note that Alice left with Sam. Why would they just leave? I sit down on the couch while reading the note over and over. I glance up after a few minutes when I hear quiet footsteps. 

“It’s strange. Physically, I feel like I could demolish a tank...Mentally? I just feel drained.” I look away from Jasper as he sits down next to me.

“How about a bath?” He asks, leaning over to me. 

He starts kissing on my shoulder making me bite my lip softly. He reaches over and unbuttons my shirt...technically his shirt because I stole it from his part of the closet. I giggle slightly.

“I do remember how to undress myself, you know?” I smirk at him.

“Yeah, I just do it so much better.” He kisses my shoulder again. “For you, it’s just another mundane task. For me? It’s fun!”

I giggle slightly before looking back at Alice’s note and sigh. 

“Ally, I’ve had a bad habit of underestimating you.” Jasper admits, looking at the note, keeping his chin on my shoulder. “Every obstacle you’ve faced, I’d think you couldn’t overcome it...and you did. You’re the reason I have something to fight for...My family.”

I look up at him and smile before kissing his lips, softly and yet still passionate enough to express all my love for him that I could never express in words alone. He smiles into the kiss before slowly leaning back, breaking the brief skin to skin contact.

“I’m gonna get the water running.” He stands up and kisses my forehead.

He walks into another part of the house and I stare down at the note. I flip it over to read the name of the book she ripped it from for the fifth time. Raising an eyebrow, I glance over to the bookcase that Jasper made sure to put in the house. The book is in the middle of the second row. I quickly stand up and speed over to it. Taking the book into my hands before taking a deep unneeded breath.

I open it before flipping, page by page until I see a familiar handwriting. Right before the first chapter, there’s another note from Alice. 

‘J. Jenks, Seattle - destroy this.’

I raise an eyebrow once again. Alice made sure only I would get the message. She must have had a vision that I was a shield just like Bella and that my mind would be safe from Aro. I glance up when I hear Jasper’s footsteps again and I quickly throw the book into the fireplace. 

The fire welcomes the book and starts burning it quickly. 

***

The next day, I call and make an appointment with this J. Jenks. I decide to take Charlotte to my dad’s house to decorate the Christmas tree since Christmas is just around the corner. Seth wants to come with since his mom would be there as well as his imprint.

“You said your dad knows about you?” Seth asks, glancing at me from the passenger seat.

I nod. “Yep. He just doesn’t know about you guys. All he does know is that you and your mom know about me and the Cullens. I also don’t want him to come around the house with the 27 vampires. All of them around one human? That wouldn’t be so great. I don’t think that any of them have as good self control as I do.”

He chuckles before nodding. “I’m glad to get away from them. Their eyes kinda scare me. And their smell makes my wolf super mad.” 

I glance over at him with a raised eyebrow.

“I know they’re the good guys but my wolf wants to attack. You’re different. You’re the mother of my imprint. My wolf likes you.” He chuckles again.

I nod in understanding before parking in front of my dad’s house. My dad and Sue walk out of the house just as Charlotte unbuckles her seat and jumps out. 

“There she is!”

I get out at the same time as Seth. My dad catches Charlotte in his arms and swings her around for a second.

“Wow! Look at you! You’ve grown half a foot!” Dad says, wrapping an arm around her. “Seriously! Like six inches!”

She laughs and hugs him. 

“Come on inside. Lunch is on the table.” Sue smiles and waves us toward the door.

“We got a tree to decorate, huh?” Dad smiles widely at Charlotte who nods fast.

“I’ve actually got a few errands to run. I’ll be back soon, okay?” I call out.

My dad looks at me and nods. “Is it a...Family thing?”

I get what he means. Is it a Vampire thing?

“Yep. Don’t worry. I’ll be back in time for the star on the top.” I smile widely.

“You see, Charlie, mommy over there ALWAYS puts the star on top.” Dad tells Charlotte.

“Really?” She giggles. 

“Yep! It’s been her job since she was your age!” Dad kisses her head before waving at me. “Maybe even younger!”

I giggle and wave.

“Love you, guys!” I call out before getting into my car.

I hear them yell it back before I pull away from the house. I drive all the way to Seattle with one thing on my mind. ‘Alice’s note gave me a sense of hope. Maybe she had a plan for us after all and maybe J. Jenks was the key.’  I pull into the restaurant that we agreed to meet at this morning and I park my car. I walk inside at a human speed before being directed to his table.

I see an African American man sitting down with a briefcase in his lap. I stop by the table causing him to look up.

“Miss Swan.” He stands up and puts his hand out.

“Hi.” I smile and shake his hand.

“I am so happy you called.” He admits before we both sit down. “I always meet my private clients here, it’s more….comfortable than the office.”

“And it’s more public.” I nod.

He smiles before nodding. “Yes.”

“So what type of work do you do, J?” I ask, putting my hands in my lap.

“You know, this and that. It’s always different which keeps it interesting.” He reveals.

“Have you known Alice and Kevin long?” I ask.

“I’ve been working with them for more than 20 years. And my late partner knew Kevin 15 years before that. He’s...uh...unusually well preserved.” He whispers.

“Yes, he is.” I nod.

“I trust that Mr. Kevin is enjoying his vacation?” J raises an eyebrow.

“He didn’t tell you where he was going, did he?”

“No, no, no. He just mentioned that he was leaving when he came by to place his order.” J moves his briefcase.

“I assume his order is ready?” I bite my lip.

“Of course. I’ve never been late with a delivery.”

He opens his briefcase and hands me an envelope. I open it up to find forged passports and documentation for Charlotte and Seth. I bite my lip. Only they will be getting away if something happens. Jasper and I might lose our lives in this battle, but at least our child will be safe. That’s what matters to him and I at this point.

“Is there a problem?” J speaks up.

“No, my fiance and I thought we’d all be traveling together.” I lie easily.

“Kevin said only two were traveling. His instructions were very clear.” J says.

“It’s my mistake. Apparently that’s not going to happen.” I sigh.

J and I quickly end our meeting and I drive back to my dad's house. Alice’s vision was clear. Charlotte would have a future but...Jasper and I wouldn’t be a part of it. That night, I watch as Jasper quickly picks up Charlotte who squeals in delight before hugging him close. I smile and bite my lip, trying to get all the memories in now. If something happens...I want to know that we’ve done everything we could for her.

I walk into her room and quickly pack a bag. Packing in some clothes she’d need and money that I'd stashed away for a while, I make sure to get whatever I think might make her happy for her new life...one without her parents in it, if it comes to it. I grab one of her notebooks and write her a note.

‘My beautiful and wonderful Charlotte, I thought we would have forever together. But Forever isn’t as long as I’d hoped. I know now why Alice left me clues...It’s to keep you safe. Everything you and Seth will need is in this bag. Seth will protect you and he’ll help you learn about the Quileute Legends. Know that your father and I love you more than anything in this world. You are the best thing to ever happen to me. Hopefully one day you will be able to have your own children and know exactly what I feel everytime I look at you. 

Love Always and Forever,

Mommy <3’

I jump when I hear a small knock on the door. Alistair is smirking down at me. 

“It’s a romantic notion, isn’t it? That a righteous few can defy a great evil. But I must admit you...uh..even had me believing for a moment. Well, good luck.” He says before walking away. “You’re gonna need it. Cheers.”

I jump out of my seat and grab onto his arm. His head snaps toward me.

“Alistair, it’s a precaution. Alice…” I sigh. “Alice thinks that Charlotte and Seth will be able to get away if the fight does start. I want my child safe. You have to understand that.”

“I do…” He starts.

“Please. Don’t leave.” I whisper. “We need you.”

He sighs and nods. “If a fight starts...I’m out just like your family.”

“I understand that.” I nod. “But please...witness with them as well...”

He nods before I gently remove his arm.

“Thank you.” I whisper again. “I owe you. Anything you need.”

“I’ll hold you to that...forever.” He smirks.

I giggle and nod. “Forever.” 

He quickly speeds out of the room. 

***

Dad has been asking about Bella. I finally had to reveal the truth...like I have done for everything. I told him that Bella was mad that I had gotten pregnant so she left. She wanted Edward to be angry as well but he was excited. He wanted to get to know his niece so Bella left him. 

Dad was upset. Said, ‘How could she do this? It’s not like it’s the end of the world that you got pregnant.’ I told him how she wanted to be a vampire and because I got pregnant it ruined her plans. He just rolled his eyes and shook his head before I put the star on the tree yesterday. But today is Christmas and we’re, of course, spending it with my dad, Sue, and Leah. 

I sit on the arm of the couch watching Charlotte and Seth play a game on the floor. I giggle as Charlotte wins for the 2nd time in a row.

“How are you doing that?” Seth asks, staring at the board.

She giggles. “Uncle Emmett loves this game!”

“Again!” Seth resets the board.

I shake my head and look up when I feel a hand on my back. Jasper smiles down at me.

“Hi, sweetie.” I whisper softly.

He winks before kissing the top of my head.

“The snow is sticking.” I sigh.

“We still have today, baby.” He rubs my back.

I nod just as my dad walks out of the kitchen.

“Alright! Present time! Leah, stop eating. Seth, you start. Get it going.” Dad sits down in his favorite chair.

Seth hands a small package to Charlotte when I stand up.

“Here, dad. We didn’t have time to wrap yours.” I hold out an envelope.

He raises an eyebrow before taking it. He opens it and his eyes widen.

“A five day fishing trip to Fraser River?” He looks at us.

“It's for you and Sue.” I smile widely.

Jasper wraps an arm around my waist. “You leave tomorrow.”

“Wow, that’s really nice. Thank you!” He starts to read the tickets before his head snaps up. “Tomorrow? I can’t...I can’t leave tomorrow.”

“I made arrangements for you at work.” Sue walks in with two cups. 

He nods. “Sneaky and extravagant.”

“And non-refundable, I’m afraid.” Jasper speaks up with a smile. 

“You two trying to get rid of me?” Dad asks, watching us. Jasper and I glance at each other before looking at him again. “‘Cause it’s working.”

Dad laughs and looks back at the tickets. I relax and smile. He doesn’t know about this meeting we’re going to have. He just knows that the Cullens, Jasper, Seth, Leah, Charlotte and I are going on a small vacation so we won’t be home. 

“Fraser River...that means we’ll be chasing cutthroat.” Dad looks up to Sue who sits on the arm of his chair.

“We might even hook a rainbow or some bulls.” She smiles.

“Woman knows her trout.” Dad smiles at me.

I’m happy he found Sue. Someone he’s known his whole life and knows about my… condition and isn’t gonna ask why his granddaughter was looking 6 years old yesterday and now she’s looking like she’s going to be 12 next week. Charlotte stands up and holds up her present from Seth. I kneel down to her level.

“Hey, sweetie. That’s beautiful. Let me see.” I take the bracelet from her hand.

My eyes light up when I realize what it is. It’s a Quileute Promise Bracelet. It’s their version of a promise ring. I glance at Seth with a smile.

“Seth made this for you?” I ask, causing her to nod fast. “Wanna put it on?”

I put it on her wrist before kissing her head. She giggles.

“It’s so pretty.” She looks up at me.

“It is pretty. Just like you.” I poke her nose which makes her giggle. “Don’t forget to thank Seth.”

She turns to him and hugs him around his neck. I look up at Jasper who is smiling down at me. Best Christmas ever. 

***

I finish putting up Charlotte’s tent. We only left my dad’s house a few hours ago and now we’re having a small bonfire before we have the…meeting tomorrow. I make sure she’s covered up before I read her a little more of her poem book. Right before she falls asleep, I give her a locket that Jasper got me for our first Christmas together a long time ago. 

She opens it to reveal the photo of Jasper and I from our first date. The one where we’re dating and I’m laughing at him making fun of the instructor. Next to it the words ‘Plus Que Ma Propre Vie’ are engraved.

I kiss her head before whispering. “This means ‘more than my own life’, and that’s how much your father and I love you. Tomorrow I’m going to need you to stay with Seth, no matter what. Even if I tell him that…” I sigh. “That he has to take you somewhere.”

Charlotte looks up at me with a few tears running down her cheeks. 

“I love you, mommy.” 

“I love you, sweetie. Never ever forget that, okay?” I kiss her head again.

She nods against me. It doesn’t take long for her to fall asleep. I quietly slip out from under her when Seth crawls in. I pat his back and crawl out before standing beside Paul who’s hanging out at our bonfire tonight. He smiles and looks back at his small pile of wood. Benjamin walks over with a smile. He holds up one finger and fire appears. 

I shake my head with a giggle. He holds up three more fingers, fire at all the tips. He then throws the fire at the logs creating our bonfire.

“That’s what I’m talking about. A little pre-battle bonfire, telling war stories.” Paul cheers a little before grabbing my arm, gently.

He pulls me down to the log where he’s now sitting causing me to sit on the edge. I bump my hips into his and he scoots over. Benjamin sits down next to him with a smile. Paul looks up at the rest of our witnesses with a raised eyebrow.

“What are you doing, standing there like a fucking statue?” He scuffs.

I playfully, and gently, smack his leg before pointing toward Charlotte’s tent.

“She’s asleep.” He rolls his eyes before smiling at me.

Garrett speeds over and sits down on a log next to ours. 

“Name any American Battle, I was there.” He smirks.

“Little Big Horn.” Paul immediately says.

“I came this close…” He holds up two fingers. “...to biting Custer but the Indians caught him first.”

Kate speeds over and sits to Garrett.

“Try Oleg’s assault on Constantinople, he didn’t win that one on his own.” She smirks at him.

“If you’re talking about battles, you’re talking about the Eleven Years War. No one does rebellion like the Irish.” Liam speaks up from where his family’s sitting.

“You lost the Eleven Years War.” Garrett points out.

“Aye.” Liam nods. “But it was one hell of a rebellion.”

Everyone laughs and agrees with him. I try to listen to the rest of the battles and war stories but my ears pick up Jasper, Edward and Carlisle’s conversation.

“I can’t help thinking, all these people are putting themselves in danger because we fell in love with humans.” Edward mumbles.

“You guys found your mates. You deserve to be happy.” Carlisle pats his shoulder.

“But at what cost?” Jasper glances at his adoptive, vampire father.

“Everyone here has something to fight for. I certainly do. I have a granddaughter that I never thought I would have. I have a wife...my children. I would fight every day for them if I had too.” Carlisle reveals. 

I feel eyes on the back of my head before someone else speaks.

“I never thanked you for bringing Alice, Kevin and I in. If you never did, I wouldn’t have the life I do now.” Jasper whispers but not low enough.

“Don’t thank me.” Carlisle chuckles. “Thank that wonderful woman you’ve got.”

A few seconds later I feel Jasper speed over to me. I look up just as he kneels and wraps his arms around my neck from behind.

“I love you.” He whispers in my ear.

I put my hands on his forearms and smile widely. “I love you, Mr. Whitlock-Hale.”

He kisses the back of my head before letting me go. I watch him bump into Paul’s back. Paul looks up, briefly, before asking Benjamin to scoot down. He does and Paul scoots down, following him. I scoot down the log as well. Jasper takes his place next to me, gently taking my hand, and weaving our fingers together as looks at everyone. Paul smirks and leans down. 

“Finally found some people older than you, Mr. Steak Sauce.” 

Jasper laughs and nods. “You’re right about that, kid.”

“I’m not a kid!” Paul playfully glares at him.

“Besides Charlotte and Seth, you are literally the youngest!” Jasper laughs.

“Least I’m not hard as a rock.” Paul crosses his arms. 

I snort softly, hiding my face against Jasper’s neck, whispering. “I like it when you’re hard as a rock.”

“At least I’m not hairy.” Jasper retorts, gently squeezing my hand, before whispering, low enough for just me to hear. “I know you do, baby.”

Everyone laughs and Paul grumbles to himself. Garrett smirks before bringing up another battle he was in...but Kate reveals he needed help there as well.

[shesclearlya3]

i loved you first. p.3

pairing: Xavier Plympton x Reader

word count: 2,843

warnings: au! in present time, language, angst, light fluff

*title inspired by joan’s song*

part 1 part 2

3.

The rest of your friends had followed you home. You were somewhat grateful, unsure if you could handle being alone right now. The look on Xavier’s face when he slammed the door on you refused to leave your mind.

Chet was very pissed off. Montana was equally as angry, but she had more time to ruminate on the situation, which would make sense as to why she was quiet.

“He’s such a fucking dick!” Chet spat, pacing the length of your living room. “And that’s coming from me.”

“I’m sure he’s chewing the bitch out now,” Montana said, drinking from the beer she stole from your fridge. “If not, I’m going to kill them both.”

Ray and Brooke were both quiet, sitting next to each other, holding hands. You felt a pang of envy watching them. 

Chet glanced at you, but you looked down at the pillow on your lap, seeing a feather sticking out. You pulled it, rolling it between your fingers. “I might have to join you guys,” you said lamely.

“y/n, you’ve already suffered enough, she’ll get her comeuppance,” Montana said, smiling at you. 

Chet chewed on his lip, standing next to your television, which was still off. The room was too quiet for you. You reached over, turning it on and seeing it was left on the news. You kept the volume low, trying to focus on the weather for the next week.

“Could we report her to the police?” Ray asked, looking between Chet and Montana. “For theft?”

You shook your head, “I highly doubt that. She stole my journal, they’d probably laugh at me the moment I told them.”

“What about making a key?” Chet offered, looking pleased with himself. “Assuming that’s what she did.”

“It could be considered breaking and entering, but it probably won’t hold up in court. She’s dating Xavier. That’s already a problem.” Montana said, and you nodded in agreement. 

“This is all bullshit!” Chet said, before plopping on the floor. 

“Calm down, man,” Ray said, his arm around Brooke now. “I’m sure Xavier already dumped her ass.”

“That’s not enough,” Chet said, reaching underneath him to pull out the notepad from earlier. The energy in the room shifted; you didn’t realize he kept it. “This has to be.”

“What else is in there?” you asked, alarmed as Brooke brushed off Ray and crawled on the floor towards Chet, who was reluctant to give it to her. Brooke read a few pages, her mouth falling open with quiet gasps as she shut it, her eyes wide in disbelief. 

“What!?” you asked again, standing up and approaching them. Montana and Ray were simultaneously trying to grab it from Brooke, who remained speechless.

“You can’t read it, y/n,” replied Chet, his eyebrows furrowing as you tried to take it as well. “She’s a horrible person who belongs in jail.”

“If it’s about me, I deserve to know!” you hissed, finally able to grab it from Brooke, who yelped when Montana accidentally stepped on her bare leg. You quickly flipped it open, skipping the first page, which you already saw earlier. The notepad was small but completely full of writings.

I tried to get it out of Xavier today if he has any history with y/n. I don’t know if he is dense, but he really didn’t say much other than they’re “good friends.” I think it’s a bunch of bullshit. y/n is clearly in love with him. Every time she looks at him, she gets this god awful dreamy look in her eyes. 

You flipped the page, once again finding another passage about you and Xavier.

I was forced to spend time with y/n today. God, I don’t know what else I could do to get him away from her. She’s so desperate, so fucking pathetic. I can’t really blame her though, if I had to see Xavier dating another woman, I’d have to kill the bitch and make it look like an accident.

 Another page:

We’ve been dating over a year already! I finally got him convinced to move in with me. He deserves it, he’s been working so hard lately. :(

I’d tell y/n myself to see if she’d cry or beg him to stay. Seems like the kind of thing she would do. But he didn’t seem as excited as me. :( 

You skipped through a few pages just bearing your name crossed out, and the others just watched in silence as you sunk onto the couch, feeling your heart beating wildly out of your chest when they got more aggressive.

Xavier was really sad today. He barely touched me. I tried to initiate sex, but he said he wasn’t in the mood. This isn’t him. He must be boning y/n. This is the second time this week!! We move in together in a month. When we do, y/n isn’t going to step foot in our fucking place. I’ll see to it myself.

I saw my ex-boyfriend Christopher at the store today-

“Who in the?...”

You let out a scream when the front door swung open, hitting the wall. Montana and Ray both yelled in fright, seeing an angry Xavier slam the door shut, kicking off his shoes. Chet stood up, glaring at his friend as you shut the notepad, feeling your adrenaline running on high.

“Well?” Chet asked, crossing his muscular arms.

Xavier looked at all of you but refused to meet your eyes. You stared at him, willing him to look at you, your hands trembling. 

“I need a minute.” was all Xavier said before breezing past the group and into the bathroom. After a few minutes, you could hear the shower turning on.

“What a fucking imbecile-” Chet began.

“He does that when he’s upset,” you countered, ignoring the pleased look Montana and Brooke gave you. “Give him a break, Chet. He didn’t know.”

Chet nodded begrudgingly, sinking back down in his original spot. 

Xavier was in the shower forever, and the others were growing tired as the time slowly ticked towards one in the morning. The news turned into reruns of a sitcom you couldn’t get into, and you ended up turning off the television. 

“You guys should go,” you said, looking at them from your spot on the couch. Brooke was passed out against Ray, who was barely keeping his eyes open. Chet was lying on his back, staring at nothing. Montana was on her phone, but you could tell she was exhausted. You were too.

“We don’t want to leave you,” Montana said, frowning at you.

You smiled a bit, hearing the shower turning off. “I think it will be easier on Xavier if it’s just the two of us.”

After some convincing, your friends each hugged you goodbye, before shuffling out the door. Something told you Montana wouldn’t be going too far, as she winked at you before she left. You knew she’d be waiting in her car for you to give her word everything was fine. Or that it wasn’t.

You cleaned up the pillows, your heart beating faster, hearing Xavier move around in the bathroom. You stared at the notepad sitting on the coffee table, before grabbing your journal and taking it into your room. You lay on your bed, flipping through the pages to your last entry, which was earlier in the year.

“I wish I could get over him. I’m tired of feeling this way. It’s exhausting, being in love with someone who doesn’t love you back. It’s not fair. All of that time, I could have told him how I felt. I didn’t do it, and this is what I get. Chloe is beautiful, and he is head over heels for her. She got what I was too scared to go after. I some times think of what could be if I just spilled everything out to him. Even if Xavier didn’t or never reciprocates my feelings, him knowing is better than me keeping it all bottled up inside. But what if he also felt the same way? What if he was also scared of telling me? I could have started the conversation! I feel like it’s all my fucking fault. I love Xavier, but I don’t know how much longer I can take of this. If they get married, I don’t think I’d be able to watch it and survive.” 

You hadn’t realized you were crying until you heard soft footsteps approaching you. You slammed the cover shut, looking up to see Xavier frowning at you. His eyes were red, and you had the urge to joke about getting soap in his eyes. 

“Why are you crying?” Xavier asked, sitting beside you. 

“Uh, nothing,” you shook your head, putting your journal back. You wiped at your eyes, faking a laugh. “I just read something stupid, is all.”

There was no way in hell Xavier believed you, but you didn’t bother to continue with the lie. You felt like you needed to apologize to him. The others weren’t supposed to witness anything. You understood why Chet was so angry, but Xavier was just as clueless as you had been. If it weren’t for Montana, who knows what the next few months would look like. 

“I uh, I wanted to apologize for what happened,” you said, looking back at your lap. “I didn’t mean for that to happen in front of everyone...” you whispered.

“I don’t want you apologizing for anything, y/n,” Xavier scolded you, forcing you to look at him. Your eyes met his, and you almost melted. “I would have preferred it to be a little more private, but... That’s how life works.”

You nodded, gently pushing his hand off your chin. He dropped it, still maintaining eye contact with you. “I just want you to know that if I had known who she was, I would have never brought her around you. I never would have dated her.” 

You frowned, wondering what he knew. “What happened after we left?”

Xavier looked uncomfortable now, clearing his throat and rubbing his hands on his sweatpants. You noticed he was shirtless, and you looked away, wondering if you should turn the air conditioning down.

“Well, I knew it was your diary, and I knew you wouldn’t make anything like this up, so...” he sighed deeply. “I knew if I wanted to get the truth out of her, I needed to play down to her level. I convinced her if she just told me the truth, I wouldn’t break up with her. It took a while, but she finally cracked.”

“Chloe told me she had been arrested for stalking and harassment a few years before we met. She didn’t say much about her boyfriend, but I don’t think I really want to know,” he winced. “I grilled her about what she was up to, and she said that she felt threatened by you. I always thought there was jealousy, you know?” Xavier frowned at you, “You’re my best friend. I told her about you before we even started dating. I tried to convince her that there was nothing between us, but...”

You nodded, feeling like your heart was just crushed. You held back your tears, wanting him to continue on and get it all out. This was your worst fear, right after thinking about him spending the rest of his life with someone else. He only saw you as a friend. 

“I would have been a liar too,” he said slowly, his cheeks slowly turning red. 

You perked your head up, wondering if he meant what you thought he was saying. “What are you saying?”

Xavier felt like he was going to throw up. He watched you, gauging your reaction. Your eyes were brighter, but he could see the hurt and hesitation in them. This was the moment that could change his life for the better or, the worse.

“y/n, I just want you to promise that what I’m about to say, it won’t ruin what we have?” he said carefully, his stomach now full of butterflies. You nodded.

“I started dating Chloe because I thought it was the right thing for me. I liked you for a long time. I started having feelings for you in high school. But I was too scared to ruin what we had. I tried to flirt with you a bit, to see if maybe you felt the same way. But I thought you weren’t interested because you would never really acknowledge it, so I gave up. I’m such a fucking idiot, but I thought my time ran out, and I thought that this would help me get over you. But it didn’t.”

Your mouth was hanging open as Xavier finished, gawking at you while his words processed in your head. The nerves you had felt this entire evening were easing away, and you felt your head become lighter at his admittance to how he felt about you. 

Xavier Plympton, liking me? Like that?

This had to be a sick joke. This wasn’t a movie, this was real fucking life. 

“This makes me sound like a fucking asshole, but I hoped that if you had feelings for me after I got with her, you’d... I don’t know, admit that you liked me too? I’m such a dick!” he spat, his blue eyes alight with frustration. “I started dating another girl, a fucking psychopath, just to get over you. I used her. I...”

You placed a hand on his arm, and Xavier immediately stopped, giving you a puzzled look. “Xavier, stop talking.” He nodded, watching you.

“I wanted you to come sweep me off my feet like those 80s rom-coms you force me to watch once a month,” you said, cracking a smile. Xavier grinned at you. “I’ve loved you for a long time...” you nodded. “I wanted to tell you the first night I met her, but it was selfish. So I didn’t. I wanted you to be happy.”

“It is selfish,” he laughed a little. “But I would stop the world if it met I could call you mine, y/n,” 

Hearing his voice say your name sent chills down your spine. You almost forgot about the real problem Chloe was when he ran a hand along your cheek, his fingertips tracing the length of your cheekbone. 

“Do you love her?” you asked softly.

Xavier shook his head, “No. I know this because what I feel for you is so much stronger.”

You always imagined yourself jumping up and down in excitement when the truth finally came out, possibly even passing out in your dramatics. But this was more heartfelt than you ever imagined. Plus, Xavier wasn’t fresh out of a relationship in your imagination. 

“I loved you first,” you responded.

Xavier nodded, and you had the urge to kiss him. You wanted too. But this was all too fresh, and you didn’t want to push Xavier into anything he wasn’t comfortable with. Now that the truth came out, that was all the reassurance you needed at the moment.

“Do you think she’ll be a problem?” you asked, nudging him when he stared at his feet. “Like a threat?”

“She was crying when I left, but... I don’t really know, y/n,” he said, before looking you in the eyes. “She won’t lay a finger on you. I’ll see to that myself.”

-

You had fallen asleep on the couch with your head snuggled into Xavier’s back. You had slept through the night. The sun was shining brightly through the windows, and you pulled the blanket up to cover your face as Xavier snored quietly next to you. 

There was something off when you woke up, wiggling your way off the couch. Xavier slowly moved into your spot, his head rolling to the side as his snores slowly subsided. You rubbed your head as you glanced around the apartment, seeing nothing out of the ordinary. 

You decided to shower, planning on cleaning up the house before you returned to work the next day. Xavier would probably be asleep for a while longer, and he’d be well-rested enough to help you. Despite feeling unsure, there was a new warmth in your chest, which bubbled up until you were smiling. 

Xavier Plympton liked you.

You admitted that you loved him. You understood that his life changed in a second. Xavier was leaving a relationship that you had so selfishly wanted to end. You didn’t feel too bad about it now, given the circumstances of who Chloe Smith was. This was a different kind of waiting; it was less painful because you knew it was only a matter of time until Xavier would finally be able to say he was in love with you. You could live with that.

After your shower, you changed into comfy clothes. You weren’t surprised to see Xavier sitting up on the couch, awake. But the look on his face stopped you. It was panicked.

You took a final step closer, seeing an angry and rumpled Chloe, standing in front of him with a gun.

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[jawritter]

Prank Gone Wrong

A/N: This was a private request from my sister. So you guys don’t crucify me upside down lol. This was originally posted on wattpad, and someone who wished to remain anon asked me to bring it over here. So be nice lol. As always all mistakes are mine! Feedback is golden! Hope you all enjoy this one. I was nervous about writing it. 

**Disclaimer!** This is a complete and total work of fiction. I don’t believe Jared would ever do something like this!! LOL Even though Misha may beg to differ..... 

Warnings: SMUT, unprotected smut, drugged!jensen, jared being an asswhole on accident. (kinda), language, exaggerated effects of a drug, hint at reader with body image issues (very brief), male masterbations (also brief). Shifting viewpoints. I think/hope that’s everything.

Pairing: Jensen x Jared, Jensen x reader, Dean x Cherry (reader’s character), Richard Speight x reader, Richard Speight x Jensen, Misha x Reader, Jared x Reader, Jared x Misha. 

Word Count: 5103

Want more? Check out my masterlist!

****MASTERLIST****

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Jensen's POV:

"Jensen, JENSEN!" Mikaela screamed at him. Making him jump in his seat. 

"Sorry." He said, Settling back down in the makeup chair. Turning his head for her like she wanted so that she could even out the base coat of makeup she was applying to his face. 

"You feeling okay? You're really zoned out this morning."

"Yeah, yeah I'm fine, just tired I guess." Jensen said. Knowing that was an absolute lie. He wasn't tired at all. In fact he'd never felt more awake in his life. 

Today was the day he'd been nervous about since he found out about it. The sex scene between "Cherry," Dean's new love interests.. And Dean. And Cherry just happened to also be Richard's niece y/n. 

See Jensen has had a secret crush on y/n since she started working for the show four weeks ago. He'd been separated from Danneel for six months now. The only ones on the set that knew that was Jared. So there was no way that Jensen could ask y/n out even though he really wanted to. He had to wait for things to become public, and he didn't want to do that until the divorce was finalized. 

Now here he was, going to have to preform a sex scene with the woman that he can't seem to get out of his head. While everyone, except Jared, thinks that he's still in love with Danneel.

"Morning sexy!!" Jared said, flopping down in the makeup chair next to him. Handing him a cup of coffee that he gladly accepted. 

"Thank you!! I was running late this morning, and didn't get go by and grab myself any." 

"So you ready for today's scene with y/n?" Jared said wiggling his eyebrows at his friend. Watching him intently as he took a deep swing from his coffee.

"Yea, guess as I'll ever be... "

"Okay Jensen your done!" Mikaela said. Ushering him out of the trailer door. He was running late to the costume trailer as well, so he downed the rest of his coffee, and bolted for the door. Glad to be away from Jared and the conversation at hand. He did not want to discuss today's scene with anyone. He just wanted to get it over with. He definitely didn't want to admit he was fighting everything in him that was excited to see her underneath him, even if it was just pretend.

Jared's POV:

Jared rushed out of the makeup trailer headed toward the costume trailer. Seeing Misha coming out of it already in full Castiel mode. 

"Misha you coming to watch Jensen and y/n's scene today?" He asked. Making only two short strides of his long legs in order to catch up with the shorter man. 

"I don't know, should I? My coverage isn't until once they're done with you in the bunker library." Misha said. Looking up from his script he was reading when Jared had caught up with him. 

" Well you might want to, it might get... Interesting..." Jared said. Almost bouncing on the balls of his feet with glee. 

"What did you do Jared?" Misha said. Looking at the overly tall man, concerned, but grateful for once It was Jensen and y/n who were in the line of fire and not Misha himself. 

"Well. I was at my uncle's house on the brake, and while I was snooping in his guest bathroom I found some Viagra shots. So.. .I kind of stole one of them... Anyway, I knew Jay and y/n had this scene today, and was running late. So I got him a cup of coffee and brought it to the makeup trailer for him. With the Viagra shot mixed in it..." 

Jared was grinning like a criminal that had just pulled off the greatest bank robbery in human history. Misha stood there with his jaw on the ground, caught somewhere between amusement, and concern for Jensen. 

"Well did... I'm... Oh my god Jared... Did he drink it?" Misha said. Concern growing, but amusement winning out in the end. He did make a mental note NEVER to accept coffee from Jared ever again...

"Yep downed it before he left the makeup trailer. Come on, it's going to take them about an hour to set up. So it should be good and in his system by the time they get down to business." Jared said taking off toward the costume trailer to hurry and get changed into Sam's outfit. This may be the greatest prank he's pulled yet!!

Your POV:

You were having one of those days.. Nothing was going right. You spilled your coffee this morning before you got to finish it. Cliff was late getting you and Jensen to set, you both lived in the same apartment complex while filming in Vancouver, so you usually just car pooled with them, it was just easier. 

Even though you guys were already running late, traffic kept you even later, like the whole universe was trying to cosmically get you back for having  a huge crush on this extremely handsome and extremely married man that was sitting next to you. 

You where nervous about the sex scene today. No matter how many of them you did, they were always awkward. Add in the major crush you had on your costar, and that made it even more awkward. 

Jensen must have been nervous, because he wasn't his normal talkative self on the way into the studio. 

It was an hour worth of hair and makeup for you, then to your trailer to change into your nude underwear and robe to head to set. It was also December in Vancouver, which made that a very cold walk.

By the time you got to set that morning. Everyone was there and in place. Jensen was standing off in the corner talking to the director, you took your place already in the bed. For this scene your character Cherry was supposed to be sleeping, and Dean comes into her to.. Well You know... After an extra difficult hunt and your characters argument that you filmed yesterday were Dean had admitted his feelings for Cherry, but ran out of the bunker before she could respond to him.

Stripping your robe you get under the sheets and turn on your side as directed by Eric. Your uncle Richard comes over and kneels down on the side of the bed to talk to you.

"How are you feeling kid, are you sure you're okay with this?" 

"I'm a big girl Richard. I think I can handle a little sex scene." You tell him. Trying to downplay your nerves a little. 

"Okay, Okay," He said. Throwing his hands up in mock surrender. "You know what's going to happen, Jensen's going to come through the door, stand next to your bed. The coverage is going to be on a sleeping Cherry, Dean will then strip down and slip into the bed with you. That's where we're going to start the fun stuff. Now we haven't scripted this scene. Because no matter how much we've tried we can't make it look real on paper, so we're going to have Jensen adlib it. Just follow his lead. If at any moment you feel awkward or uncomfortable, just let us know and we'll reset and start over again. Okay." 

"Okay." You said. Feeling a little information overload, but you should be used to that by now. 

"Okay." He said, Standing up as they brought the lights down on set. "Jensen's a professional, don't worry." He said winking at you and making his way over to his directors chair while you tried your damndest to calm down your racing heart rate. 

Jensen's POV:

Jensen stood off to the side of the set, letting you get comfortable and covered before he made his way to his mark. Trying his hardest to keep his mind on the upcoming task at hand. To do this with as few takes as possible. 

He felt funny, but attributed it to his nerves, and tried to shake it off. Looking over to the side of him behind the camera he saw Jared and Misha standing off to the side by the PA's whispering to each other. Probably going to try and find a reason to make fun of him after this scene is over. Great more pressure. 

Jensen adjusted his stance uncomfortably as the lights came down and they called the markers in place. The commands started to come out. Y/n adjusted in the bed and smiled at him. A smile that nearly knocked the breath out of him. The only problem is it seemed to show off her cleavage in the brief moment that she turned toward him. 

"Quiet on set!!" 

Fuck he was already getting hard, and he hadn't even gotten to the bed yet were she was laying. What the fuck was wrong with him? He tried to low key adjust himself to make himself more comfortable, and hide the fact that he was already having some problems. He'd never done this before. His heart rate quickened. 

"Action."

Your POV:

As soon as they called action your eyes closed and you started to put on the presumption that Cherry was asleep. Waiting for Dean to come through the door with battered breath. You never get tired of watching Jensen play Dean. Jensen was sexy to begin with, but when he put on his bad ass hunter act it just did all sorts of things to you that you weren't ready to admit yet.

You could hear the door shut to Cherry's room, you could also hear your heart beating in your ears, but you tried to ignore it. Keeping focused on keeping your breaths even, like you would if you were really sleeping. 

You could feel Jensen's presents behind you. Even though your eyes were closed. Hearing Dean's clothes hit the floor as he made quick work of them. 

You felt the bed dip as his weight came down behind you, his lips finding your throat. You knew that there was no script to this, and that he was just winging it. So you lay there. Playing off the fact that he hadn't woken her up yet. 

His lips ghosted over your throat to the pulse points behind your ears and you couldn't stop the shiver that went down your back.

"Cut!!!"

"Okay guys great so far. I don't think he needs to do that again. The next time it cuts to you guys your already going to be deep in the act. So... Let's start from there. Since this isn't scripted this might have to be done a few times. You guys good so far?" Richard called out from his directors chair.

"Yea, let's just do it." Jensen said, his voice was a little more strained than normal. He must be nervous too. 

"Okay you guys get in position and Jensen nod when you're ready."

Jensen adjusted himself to be hovering over you. Trying his best to keep staring at the wall, and not you lying underneath him. 

To say that the man was breathtaking was an understatement. A light sheen of sweat already coating his chest. You wondered if they sprayed him before he got into the bed. Why would he already be sweating? Jay wasn't really a sweater. Not that you'd ever noticed anyway. 

Finally looking down at you when he'd positioned himself between your legs, trying hard not to touch you with his body. He supported his weight on his arms, and knees. 

"You okay?" He asked. Looking down at you finally.

"Yeah I'm good, you?" You were starting to feel a little concerned about him. He wasn't acting like his normal joking Jensen at all. It worried you.

"I'm fine sweetheart don't worry about me." He said, winking at you. Trying to make light of an awkward situation. Even though you had nude underwear on, you couldn't help but feel exposed to him, and you couldn't help but feel self conscious about the parts of your body that you weren't necessarily happy with. 

Jensen looked over to Richard and nodded to him. Then the two of you lay there waiting on the words action!

Jensen had his eyes closed and was taking deep breaths above you. 

"Quiet on Set, ready, and action!!"

As soon as the words were called Jensen's mouth crashed into yours. Knocking the wind out of you. My god the man was a good kisser. 

His lips brushed lightly over your own. That's when you felt him start to move his body above your own, careful not to touch his hips to yours, and keep you covered from the other eyes in the room. 

"Cut!!"

Jensen's head connected to your shoulder and he growled in frustration. "What now Rich?" 

Richard took a tentative step toward the two of you. Jensen still holding his body above your own. 

"I'm sorry Jensen, It just didn't look real, your holding your body too high above hers, you're going to have to have a little contact with each other. You've done this before Jensen. What's wrong today?" 

Jensen took a deep breath, looking from Richard to you. "I just don't want to make y/n feel uncomfortable." He said, keeping his eyes focused on the bed comforter. It was starting to make you feel even more self conscious. Did he not feel attracted to you at all? Did you disgust him so much that he didn't want to even pretend to have sex with you?

Quickly you shoved the feels down, you had to get through this scene. He said he just didn't want to make you uncomfortable. He was trying to show you a little respect, and keeping his eyes deviated form you until absolutely necessary y/n quite being so self conscious!! Jensen is your friend!

"Y/n I don't mean to sound crude, but your niece, and I know you can handle it. I've seen you at parties, we're not that far apart in age, I'm sure you're not a virgin." Your eyes narrowed at him, silently daring him not to go too far here. 

Richard threw his hands up in surrender, and stepped back a step. "All I'm saying is I don't think he'd make you that uncomfortable if his hips ground into you a little. Hell you both have underwear on. It's not like you're really touching each other." 

Rolling your eyes at him and fighting the urge to throw a pillow at his face. "No Richard, it won't make me uncomfortable. Now can we get this done!' 

"Fine, Okay guys here we go!" Richard said running back to his seat. "Action."

Again Jensen's mouth found yours. Slow, but gaining momentum. He ran his hand down your side that the camera was covered on and you couldn't help the small gasp that left your lips or the involuntary shiver that ran down your spine at his touch. 

What you didn't expect was his tongue to run across your lip. Maybe it was an accident. Was he really going to break that rule? Not that you'd mind, but It just didn't seem like Jensen. 

Until you felt it again. This time you give him entrance, and he moans so lowly into your mouth that the camera's wouldn't be able to catch it. The sound is going directly to your core. Soaking your thin layer of panties. 

With that his hips came down fully against yours. Grinding into you once. Something felt off, but you couldn't put your finger on it. His hips came down to yours again as his mouth made its way down your throat. This time you felt him. 

Was he seriously fully erected right now?

He started picking up his pace. Almost rutting into you now. Little moans fall from his lips. 

"Cut!! JENSEN!!"  As soon as his name was called. He flew out of the bed. His back to you and his hands in his hair.  God his back was sexy, but you could tell there was something wrong. 

"Richard I need a few minutes!!" He called over his shoulder not turning around. Jared and Misha burst into a hysterical fit of laughter as Jensen through his robe over his shoulders and almost ran off the set. 

"Okay everybody take 30." Richard said. Grabbing your robe you threw it over your shoulders before Jared and Misha made their way over to where you were standing. Jared was laughing so hard he could hardly breath.

"It's not funny Jared. I think something is wrong with Jensen." You tell him as soon as he gets an ear shot. He couldn't respond only doubling over in laughter.

"Oh yea there's something wrong with him alright." Misha said wiping his eyes with the back of his hand. "It's hard to do a sex scene when your horny as fuck." 

With that Jared fell down on the ground on his back rolling. You resisted the urge to hit Misha in the face.

"What is that supposed to mean?" You asked. You weren't about to tell them what you felt, or what Jensen was doing right before the director called cut, because that wasn't Jensen you knew it. They'd done something to him.

"I mean Jared here slipped him liquid Viagra in his coffee this morning in the makeup trailer. He's not quite thinking with his upstairs brain at the moment."

Running your hands over your face as Jared got to his feel heaving with laughter, trying to catch his breath.

"Looks like he ran off to his trailer to try and get ahold of Danneel." Misha said doubling over in his own fit of laughter. Jared on the other hand froze. Not laughing anymore. 

"Oh fuck I forgot." He said, Looking between the two of you. 

"Forgot what?" You said. Fighting the urge to go find a step ladder so that you could slap him in the face without having to jump.

"You guys got to promise not to tell this to anybody, but him and Danni are getting a divorce."

Misha, no longer laughing, turned and faced Jared. "So you mean he's got no one to help him out there, and he's going to basically be stuck with a minimum four hour erection. Jared that's not funny."

"I fucking forgot okay, I knew he had a crush on y/n, he was nervous about the scene today, I just wanted to fuck with him. I didn't think that far ahead. He should be able to just beat it off he'll be fine."

You stood there in stunned silence. "He's got a crush on me?" You said. Looking between the two men. 

They both stopped and looked at you. Jared visibly kicked himself for this prank that had gone very wrong, very quickly.

"Jared you got to go tell him what you did! He's probably freaking the fuck out right now" You tell him. Jared nodes at you, and runs off toward Jensen's trailer. This wasn't how it was supposed to go. He felt horrible, but it was too late to take it back now. 

You stood there for a moment weighing your options. 

Finally you made up your mind. 

"Misha go tell Richard we're going to need a lot longer than 30, and that he should go ahead and just do yours and Jared's coverage, me and Jensen can resume after lunch." You said, stalking your way toward Jensen's trailer. 

Misha watched you go. He couldn't help the smirk that spread across his face as realization hit him of where you were going, and just what you had planned to do.

Maybe this prank hadn't gone so wrong after all.

Jensen's POV:

"YOU FUCKING What?!?!" To say that Jensen was livid was an understatement. "What the fuck am I going to do now Jared?!" Pacing back and forth across the trailer. He was frustrated, hornier than he'd ever been in his life, and annoyed beyond belief because of the combination of the two. He was also on the verge of panic. He'd never taken anything like this before, so he had no idea how it was going to react to him, he was only about an hour and a half into its effects. 

"Jensen I'm so fucking sorry, I wasn't thinking about you not having anyone.... to.... you know..." Jensen narrowed his eyes at him in a death glare. Jared threw his arms up, and backed up a few steps. 

"Well guess who gets to explain to Richard why I can't do this scene today?" Jensen says, voice filled with humorless venom. 

Jared looked at the ground, and nodded before looking back up at Jensen who's face and neck was slightly red in the tent. Palming himself through his robes subconsciously. Not looking at Jared at all anymore. Just leaning against the wall with his eyes shut next to the bedroom of the trailer. 

"Maybe I should take you to the hospital?" Jared asked sheepishly. Jensen through his hand up to shut him up. It was getting harder to concentrate. 

"Jared I'm not going to the hospital for this, you've lost your fucking mind." 

"Well if you can't get your... self... under control there you may have to." 

"Jared get the fuck out."

"But.."

Jensen said nothing just pointed to the front door. Jared nodded and walked out the door.  Jensen flopped down on the small couch where he kept his pillow for napping during takes. 

Grabbing a bottle of lotion from the table that y/n had left in there when she was there yesterday running lines with him. The thought of her made him ache even more. His mind is unable to focus on anything but her, and what she'd feel like wrapped around him. 

Groaning and running his hand down his face, he pulled his robe open, and freed himself from his boxers. Putting  a generous amount of lotion in his hand, then began to stroke his aching length. Getting desperate to find some relief. 

He'd only pumped himself about twice when there was another knock on his door. Fuck this was literally going to kill, or Jared, he wasn't sure yet. 

Your POV:

Reaching Jensen's trailer you still your nerves, reach up and knock on the door.... Nothing. Clif's SUV was still in the parking lot, so you knew he was still here. Just not answering the door. 

Reaching up you knock again a little louder. 

"Go away Jared!!" Finally came the muffled response through the trailer door. 

Taking a deep breath, and thanking God that he hadn't had some massive reaction, or had a heart attack from the medication you steel your nerves. 'You can do this.'

"Jensen let me in please." You yell back through the door. Silence for a moment, Just as you were about to pick the lock you heard his voice a little closer to the door. 

"Y/n go away, you don't want to see me right now." 

"Jensen please! I know what Jared did to you! Misha is talking to Richard right now! Let me in!"

Silence. 

"Don't make me pick the lock Jensen."

More silence. 

Just as you were about to pull the hairpin out of your pock to pick the lock on his trailer door, playing a hunter on TV had taught you how to pick a lock pretty well, you heard the latch unlock on the trailer. 

Opening the door yourself you see Jensen leaning against the bar that separated the living room from the kitchen section of the trailer. 

His face and neck were red, he had a light sheen of sweat still on his face. His breathing was a little heavier than normal. You could only see him from the chest down, seeing as he was standing behind the bar. 

"Are they going to cancel the scene for the rest of the day?" He asked. His voice is rough and low. The sound alone sends shock waves through your body. Landing somewhere in your core. 

"Yeah, we're off the hook until lunchtime." You tell him reaching over and locking the door behind you. His eyes following your every movement. "Jared and Misha are going to go ahead and shoot their coverage, that should give us about three hours for you to recover."

You start to undo your robe and slip it from your shoulders as you are talking. Your eyes never leave Jensen. He reaches down, obviously palming himself behind the counter. "Y/n... You don't have to do this....." 

Deliberately walking around the counter to him. His robe open, His chest showing bare for you to see. His black boxers barely cover his swollen length. Walking up to him you run your hand down his chest. A shiver visibly runs through him, and he leans himself into your touch. 

"Let me help you Jay, Jared already told Misha and myself that you don't have anyone that can help you. You don't want to end up in the hospital."

Leaning his head down on your shoulder for a moment. Taking a deep breath before wrapping his arms around your waist. 

"Y/n I don't want you to do this because you feel sorry for me." He said, not looking at you, just pulling you closer to him. Your chest now against his. His breathing is getting deeper. 

"Jensen I would do this regardless if Jared drugged your ass or not. Have you seen you lately?" You say jokingly. Trying to make light of his situation. 

Grabbing his hand you pull him toward the open door of the bedroom of his trailer. He follows you silently without a fuss. Pulling the bedroom door shut behind the two of you. 

You lay down on the bed and back yourself up against the headboard with Jensen hot on your heels. His eyes lust blown. Deciding it was no use to fight it. If he didn't do something to get himself off he was going to lose his fucking mind. 

Crashing his lips into your his kissed you deep, fully of passion and need. His tongue sliding easily into your lips. Expertly gliding over your own. A moan rose low in your throat, and that spurred him on. 

Making his way down your jaw line, to your pulse points on your neck, nipping and marking the skin there as he went. 

Reaching around behind you, you arched your back so that he could quickly unlatch your bra. Jerking it away and throwing it across the small room. Taking a moment to look down over you exposed chest. Gently running his fingers between your cleavage as he admired you. Outside your breast. From one to the other before leaning down and gently sucking on each nipple. Making them stand on end for him. Your body arching into his, sucking in a deep breath. 

He hissed as your body pressed against him. Ripping your panties off, and throwing them across the room with your bra before removing his boxer. He quickly lined himself up with you. Slipping just the tip inside your already dripping core. 

"You sure baby? I don't want to do this if you don't want to. I'll just go to the ER if it gets worse." 

Putting your lips to his to silence his worrying, you run your fingers through his short hair as your mouth moves smoothly with his. 

Deliberately he slides himself fully into you with one swift thrust. Both of you groaning as he fills and stretches you in a way no man has ever. Visibly shaking as he holds himself still, giving you a moment to adjust to him. Kissing you deeply before pulling himself almost all the way out, and sliding back in. 

The sensation of his manhood dragging along the inside of your walls was almost enough to send you over the edge right there. You dig your nails into his shoulders and arching your back into him as he finds a steady rhythm. Both of you are touching and feeling all of each other that you could reach. He kept his body pressed close to yours. His hips hitting your clit just right every time he slid himself home. 

Over and over again he repeated his steady rhythm, not faulting once. Building you higher and higher. The coil winding tighter and tighter in your belly. 

"Jensen.. Fuck.... I'm close..." With that you were thrown over the edge walls tightening around his pulsing length. Grunting loudly he worked you at a steady pace through your high. Picking up the pace casing his own. 

Slamming his hips into you faster until he was pounding into you at a punishing pace. Then starting to falter his body jerked above you and inside of you as he spilled seed deep inside of you. Moaning loudly into your shoulder. Slowly trusting himself into you as he road out his own high. Finally stilling inside of you. 

Rolling you both over to your sides before pulling out of you. Kissing you a lot calmer now. Sweeter. Taking his time exploring your mouth, you hands tracing the outline of the curves in your body that you honestly hated. He treated it like it was the most beautiful thing he'd ever seen.

You don't know how long the two of you laid there. Just holding each other as your hearts went back to a normal pace.

"How are you feeling now?" You asked him quietly as he ran his fingers through your hair. Peppering you with little kisses. 

He shrugged. 

"Don't know, ask me again in about 15 minutes. They say that shit he gave me last up to four hours. I still have almost three hours to go...."

"Well.... we're just going to stay here and take care of you until you feel better. Good practice for the scene today..."

Giggle a little with you he pressed his forehead to yours. Taking a deep breath. 

"Y/n... I'm a pretty fuck up person. I'm not walking out of that marriage completely fine,  but if you will have me, I really don't want this to be just a fling because Jared is a jackass."

You felt your heart flutter in your chest. You couldn't help the stupid smile that spread across your face as you brushed your lips over his soft pink ones. 

"I think I can handle whatever you have to dish out Ackles."

"Well in that case remind me to thank Jared for being a fucking asshole and drugging my ass." He said with a laugh. You could feel his body already responding to you as he quickly began to harden again. 

"Yeah, I'm going to have to send him a fucking thank you card."

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Tag List:

@deanwanddamons @imabitch4jensen @rvgrsbrns @bi-danvers0 @onethirstyunicorn @i-love-superhero @akshi8278​

[hippychick006]

Misha Panel 

I’ve done this summary as it helps to have what Misha actually says to hand as more often than not, his stans misquote him. It’s also useful as Misha often changes things - as he appears to have done between his last virtual panel and this one. Note, I’m only focusing on the key parts where he talks about the show/Jared/Jensen.  It is not free of anti castiel/misha comments where I disagree, though those are few and far between for a change. It’s long so putting under a cut... 

- Misha confirms his filming finished in March prior to Covid [this comes up later in more detail].  Watching the last epiosode was an emotional experience for him.  For him, it represents the end of a chapter of his life. 

- Misha says fandoms not going anywhere [*hisses]

- Misha’s future work/projects?: working on senate race in georgia, publishing a book of poetry, couple of film projects he’s trying to get off the ground, one he’s not acting/directing in, the other he may act and/or direct 

- Jack brought Cass back but we didn’t get to see it, what happened?: different ending originally that Covid restrictions made impossible to produce. Cool ending involved bringing back lots of cast members over the years.  In the original ending, Castiel hadn’t gone to rebuild heaven, there was a different conclusion for him.  Misha purposely did not read the last two episodes before they aired as he wanted to be an audience member. He knew a little about Castiel/Jack’s fate in the abstract, but because he wasn’t in it, he doesn’t know what the answer was. He thinks them rebuilding heaven was less boots on the ground and more at a spiritual level [so he’s talking at the metaphysical/spiritual plane level and not corporeal) so they are everywhere (e.g. in drops of rain as per Jack’s speech to Sam in 19). That’s what I’m understanding at least.  He says that’s pure speculation though.]

- what qualities does castiel have similar to Misha?: there are a lot of similar qualities [backstabber comes immediately to my mind tbh]. Over time he and the character melded. Over time he evolved into something that didn’t quite fit in with either angels or humanity, he felt like an outsider which Misha has felt for much of his life. He became softer, more sensitive, he tried to do the right thing and be a good person. Oh wow, he says that in order to write to play to Misha’s strengths, the character had to “morph a bit”.  I loved bad!ass Castiel, he’s my favourite Castiel!

- What one thing will he take with him from playing Castiel?: on a professional level, it was fascinating to play a character for so many years. He discussed with J2 recently that the characters really became part of them. He doesn’t think that will happen again, just due to length of time the played them. On watching Jensen’s death scene, he cried but it was more “That’s Cass’ friend Dean dying”  It was weird to have a blurring of lines between yourself and your character but he thinks that’s what happened with all of them. He’ll take the character away, which will be a part of him forever. 

- Misha made fortune cookes and put inside lewd and inappropriate fortunes

[I don’t get this next bit as earlier in the panel he says he didn’t read the last two episodes so didn’t know what was going to happen and gave the answer I documented above and now we have this next question where his answer seems to contradict that]:

- Is there anything more he can say about the originally planned finale?:  He doesn’t want to be the one to reveal these state secrets, but what are they going to do, fire him?  He feels someone might have said to him, please don’t reveal what was going to happen, but can’t remember for sure if it’s true. He says there was a version of Sam and Dean’s heaven that was populated with all of the people that were from their past that they have come to love.  They could not do that because of Covid restrictions. 

- Favourite behind the scenes memory of “The boys”: He doesn’t have a favourite memory, they were close friends for 12 years. They had laughing fits and fights and got pissed off at each other. Some of his fondest memories of being at work anywhere were working on Supernatural.  He’s never going to be on a set again where there is so much mirth so he’s going to miss that for sure.

- he’s talking about Castiel’s wardrobe which is actually funny - e.g. original suit 3 sizes to big, sometimes showing blood and holes, sometimes being magically fixed, not wearing a tie, going back to wearing a tie... “Nobody complained about that too much...” [uh because some of us were watching other things and your own stans were looking at the background.]  He stole some trenchcoats and has them in his closet.

- How do you prepare for emotional scenes?: it’s hard for him to get into that emotional state. To prepare for the Castiel’s declaration of love scene and taken by the empty, Misha needs to be off by himself and not chatting with people, so for that scene he sat on his own in a dark corner of the stage and ruminated on his own.  Rob Hayter, stunt coordinator, noticed and stood sentinel and made sure no one disturbed him which Misha said was really sweet.  Everyone stopped fucking around for that scene to allow them to do what they needed to do.

-  How did you feel when you read the script when Castiel dies?: Misha knew for a long time that ending was coming, he’d been speaking to Rob Berens about it, he was really happy with it.  It was the ending he’d wanted for Cass so when he read the script, he was really happy it had made it to the page [i bet it was Misha, how are those destiel sales going through your Stands company?]. It felt it was a little “risky and a little brave” for the show to do [on a fucking network that is number one in Glaad reviews?  Are you being fucking serious right now?] He was happy to be a part of that [again sales] and have that character express love like that so he was happy with it. 

[Okay, so notice in his last virtual panel 2 weeks ago, he was very happy, he’s now starting to do exactly what he did with Karla movie as he goes on to say...]

He’s seen “some people” [you mean lgbtq+ people?!]  “complaining” about this is playing into the “bury the gays” trope which is an insidious and real trope in film and television storytelling in h/w over the years. Misha doesn’t think that’s what was happening with Castiel’s [he died second after the confession MIsha!] First of all Castiel isn’t dead, he’s in heaven working to rebuild it... [you didn’t know this 2 weeks ago, as far as you knew Castiel died and went to the empty].  So much good came from that declaration, because Cass was able to save Dean, which was essential to saving the world, so this declaration wasn’t so then fate strikes you down and you’re done forever. The declaration literally ended up saving the world. It was of Cass’ own volition, he wasn’t forced to do it, it was his choice, and he thinks that’s important, so maybe he’s naieve and doesn’t feel they are playing into that trope. 

[You were absolutely playing into that trope Misha and you didn’t give a shit as you did no research on playing an lgbtq+ character so sincerely fuck off]

He’s glad that Castiel got to express that and have that ending. He thinks thats kind of important and he’s proud the show did that. [again fuck off, this was done for you and it showed]  He thinks its a conversation they will continue to have as they continue to dissect it going forward [nope, consigned to the dumpster fire I’ve put the majority of the rest of Drabbernatural in]

- Do you think you will ever get an SPN tattoo?:  He doesn’t have any but he’s thinking about getting tattoos relating to his children.  Is that a sign of desperation that a true hasbeen will do? Should he get a tattoo of Jared and Jensen’s face.  He could get a tattoo of Castiel’s face on his abdomen.  He’s saying probably not. If they want to get one, totally supportive of that

-  what is his favourite moment of the finale?: Dean’s death scene, masterfully executed, excellent performances from both Jared and Jensen in that scene and made him cry

- best memory of your last day on the supernatural set?: everyone being really sweet, lot of tears from cast and crew. The last scene he shot as Castiel was the last scene of the day on a Friday. Him, Alex, Richard S and Jensen all had to get to Las Vegas for a fan convention the next morning. They shot late and finished at 1.30, it was Cass goodbye and Misha’s goodbye to the show.  He said they had to get a chartered flight because of the early flight [not sure why he’s saying this as I thought it was Jared’s plane they all travelled in?] He’s talking about going back - because of the issue with the plane - and they are all texting family, saying they love them, so it was such a strange night, he’d said goodbye to Supernatural, he said goodbye to Castiel and later on said goodbye to his kids because they thought they were going to die that night. :(

[Going to add that this puts to rest that Misha was due back for 19 and 20 even before covid, it confirms he was not going to be in either episode, though I maintain, they may have shot an extra scene while they had him to slot into 19 or 20]

- do you think Cass and the other angels got their wings back?: Yes, probably, they have Jack who is the new god. What a long and miserable experience that was of not having wings. Cass was so powerful when he started, he could snap his fingers and teleport and time travel and lost that with his broken wings and they didn’t come back. He doesn’t know why they didn’t fix him as Castiel would have been a much more powerful ally if he didn’t have to drive around in the pimp mobile [uh, for the same reason Sam lost his powers, deus ex machina]. He tells the story of Jared pressing buttons in the car causing the hydraulics to fail costing $10000 of repair.

- in your opinion, what colour are Castiels wings?: shit, I don’t know, I always thought they were black, but now that you’ve said that, they are rainbow coloured, how about that?

- What is the worst joke Jared and Jensen did to you?: [*cough fans looking for things to complain about or hate Jared on]: Jared and Jensen, as you know, they are not good people.  He talks about directing an episode and they got excited in the week before, they were going to break into his apartment and steal his furniture, they had all kinds of nefarious plans, the crew tipped him off and told him to watch his home and car keys. They put a fish under the seat in his car and one of the crew told him.  Jared removed the canvas on the director’s chair and laid it across so it looked like it was still the chair. Misha fell for that at least 5 times. That was pretty frustrating. Jared kept messing up his lines (which Misha said Jared never does) and Misha was directing in another room, Misha eventually went to see what the problem was and that’s when Jared pied him in the face. Everyone in the crew was complicit in the “assault”. Jensen brought him another shirt, said, “I’m sorry man, that’s sucks, that was too much.”  Jensen then pied him in the face.

- What is the real story behind the handprint in the finale?: Um I don't know, but I think it was a nice touch, that was a really lovely callback that worked well. I can’t remember how we came up with that, or was it in the script, I can’t remember. Wasn’t it a good callback to the very beginning. [Again, this appears to differ from what was being reported two weeks ago so might need to go back to that panel if I can get access to it]

-What’s your favourite memory from offline/online panels?: It’s much more fun to be live and in person. I don’t know, I have had some really fun... [PANDERING ALERT COMING UP] Jensen and I have some really fun panels together in Rome.  I don’t know why but we always just seem to have a real hoot there, talks about the resume off, they really enjoyed that. He had pizza delivered to a creation panel once.  He talks about the Saturday night special and he can’t wait till they can get back to that. 

[NOTE CYNICAL PART OF THIS IS FOR HIS FANBASE TO ONCE AGAIN CLAMOUR FOR MORE JENMISH PANELS. I DO NOT TRUST THIS MAN AT ALL]

- What was your favourite version of Castiel to play?: he had the most fun playing Lucifer because Mark P had left a great template to play Lucifer [you took the worst parts imo but Mark fucked his character up too]. He enjoyed playing the human parts of Castiel because it was fun to explore how to be human for the first time. Overall, just regular Cass. He wouldn’t have wanted to trade regular Castiel for other iterations. [A great question would be badass Castiel v late season wooby castiel preference]

[angstyaches]

I'm literally gonna scream this is sooo cool - also shayne would show up in his docs 100% but he'd rock the look so there is that lmao

would you write a drabble with that scenario maybe?? rin in that dress has to become reality aaaah

-em

This was after I made a post about an idea I had, for Charlie and Shayne to match their ties to Rin’s dress so she wouldn’t feel like she was alone.

It’s not exactly a drabble and there may end up being a part two; but here it is! In my country, we have a party called a debs instead of prom, but for StW, I’m just going to call it their grad ball.

___

Rin woke with a heavy ache in her gut that she couldn’t quite place straight away. There was none of the buzzing electricity in her veins like when she woke up nervous before an exam, so it couldn’t be that.

Through the heavy fog of sleep, she reached out to slap the snooze option on her phone as it buzzed, and shoved it further away on her bedside locker.

There was movement in the house; by now, the kitchen was probably smelling like coffee and toast, her mother would have opened all the curtains, and her father would be playing the news on the vintage-style radio they’d gotten him last Christmas.

The day would be in full swing by now.

Rin grunted and tugged the duvet up over her head, pulling her knees closer to her chest, the swell of fear rising up in her belly with every passing second.

Because this wasn’t a normal day.

It was the day of the grad ball.

Jeez, Rin thought to herself as she felt how hard her heart was beating, how much of a wreck am I going to be on my freaking wedding day? The thought made the dread so much worse that she had to quickly shake it out of her head. The comparison didn’t seem to make today any easier to face into, however.

The knock at her door made her jump, and the fright made any chance of an extra few minutes of sleep slip away.

“You up, love?” Claire called through the door. “We should be at Caitlin’s by ten.”

Rin groaned and lifted her head. “I thought the appointment was at eleven?”

“It is, but she’s going to be slammed today! If we’re late, we’re out.”

And god forbid I went to the ball without any bobby pins or glitter spray in my hair, Rin thought, heavily throwing back the duvet. It was already weighing enough on her mother that she was going to the ball without a date. She was the only one in her friend group who didn’t have a boyfriend, aside from Katie, and even Katie had roped one of the hurling team guys into being her date. Rin had opted to show up alone rather than force herself to link up with someone for the entire night; however, now that the day had come, she was starting to second-guess herself.

Just stop thinking about it, she told herself. You’re gonna psyche yourself out.

She felt her way around her room on muscle memory alone, not wanting to engage her brain in any more thought until she absolutely had to. She wrestled herself into a pair of black leggings and a striped jump with a wide neckline, and stopped by her mirror.

She was reaching for her eyeliner before she remembered she would be getting her makeup done professionally after she’d had her hair done, which made her want to curl up and die.

Leaving the eyeliner pen where it was, Rin forced a smile in the mirror and headed downstairs.

“Morning, Dad,” she mumbled as she went into the kitchen.

“Good morning! Nutella or jam today?” Drew asked, plating up two slices of toast that had just popped up.

Rin’s throat and stomach clenched in unison at the thought of how either of the options would taste. Still, she’d need some kind of energy boost to get her through the afternoon.

“I’m not hungry, Dad,” she said, hopefully quickly enough that he wouldn’t have time to notice anything was wrong. “Can I take some coffee though?”

“’Course. Milk’s still in the fridge.”

Rin nodded and turned to fetch it.

“I’ll put it in a travel cup for you,” Drew added with a grin as he reached for the pot. “Your mam’s like a headless chicken this morning, so I don’t know if you’ll have time to drink it before she’s bundling you into the car.”

By the time Rin had carried the milk carton to the countertop, there was a jingling of keys in the hallway, and Claire’s voice calling out;

“Are you right, love?”

Drew’s grin deepened as he handed over the Thermos cup to Rin. “What’d I say?”

“Coming, Mam,” Rin called back, making a face at her dad and mouthing Kill me. The heavy sensation in the pit of her stomach came back with a vengeance as she grabbed her jacket from the front hall. It was going to be a long damn day.

_

Rin couldn’t decide which was more overpowering; the lingering fog of hairspray that just didn’t seem to leave the circumference of her skull, or the smell of her mother’s perfume. If her mood had been just the slightest bit worse, she might have snapped and demanded to know who on earth put on perfume for a photograph; the lipstick and eyeliner that Claire had slapped on could be understood, but perfume?

“Smile, Rin,” Drew chuckled from behind the chunky camera. “Let’s see those teeth. Or were those four years of orthodontist visits just for fun?”

Rin sighed and melted into a smile, tilting her head a little closer to Claire’s as the camera clicked a flashed. She loved her parents, she really did; she just sometimes wished they weren’t so damn conventional.

“We done?” she asked.

“Done,” Drew said.

Rin grunted and let her posture fall a little slack. The damn shoes were already killing her, and if she hadn’t been wearing mostly black, she’d have been worried about pit stains. She could practically feel the foundation melting off of her face as her mother leaned in for one last hug before she had to run.

“Have fun, love,” Claire instructed, scooping her work bag up from the hallway floor. “I can’t wait to hear all about it tomorrow.”

Rin nodded. “Have a good night at work.”

Claire blew a kiss as she was going out the door. Rin glanced through to the kitchen, to where Drew was already engrossed in reviewing the pictures he’d taken on the camera’s little screen. The clock on the wall behind him told her that she had about fifteen minutes before she had to leave.

Her knees suddenly felt weak, and her stomach – not that it hadn’t been bothering her all day – lurched dangerously close to her throat. All she’d had that day was a toasted cheese sandwich and the latte, when Claire had dragged her to a little café once her hair and make-up appointments were finished with. She could suddenly taste the slightly charred crusts of the bread, and the rich, frothy coffee burned deep in her chest.

She stole one last glance to see that her father was still preoccupied before letting herself bring a hand to her mouth. Breathe, she told herself, drawing air in through her nose even though it was still somehow thick with hairspray. The breath seemed to catch in her throat, and the pain in her stomach seemed to drop lower and rise higher all at once.

Rin’s knees had all but buckled by the time she’d kicked off the lacey heeled shoes. The layers of black and pink tulle in her dress rustled as she turned and hurried up the stairs, feet thumping lightly in their delicate, sheer black tights.

The first retch caught her by surprise, before she’d made it to the toilet. She clapped her other hand to her mouth, hoping to create a vacuum and prevent anything from dripping down onto her dress. The sick was hot, and with nowhere else to go, she felt it smear against her lips and the end of her nose.

The sensation and the smell were enough to draw out another deep heave, accompanied by a belch this time. Luckily, she’d just about made it to the toilet, so she let herself double over and yanked her hands away with a quick prayer that her dress was out of the splash zone.

Rin coughed and let another wave of puke stream into the toilet, and then she clenched her teeth. She reached for the toilet paper and got her hands as clean as she could before taking off her glasses and gathering up the tulle skirts. She held the fabric in as tight a knot as she could. Her belly ached and gurgled as it waited for her to get into position again. As it shot another reminder of her lunch into her mouth, Rin couldn’t help but feel relieved that she’d decided on having her hair put into an updo; things would have been ten times worse if she’d also been attempting to keep hair out of her face too.

“Shit,” she whimpered to herself as she managed to straighten up. She was a little dizzy, but most of the pain in her belly seemed to ease off. She flushed the toilet and washed her hands and inspected herself for mess. All that was out of place was some ruined foundation around her mouth, and a little leakage in her eyeliner. Luckily the lash glue had stayed in place when her eyes had started watering.

She brushed her teeth, raced to her bedroom, and touched her makeup up as best she could with her own eyeliner and a powder foundation she hadn’t used in months. Her eyes were still a little bloodshot, but at least she had a little longer to recover before she got to the venue and had to smile for more photographs.

_

“Docs.”

When Shayne had seen Charlie emerge from the passenger side of Ingrid’s car, he’d looked down, starting to kick softly at the kerb. There was a feeling in his stomach he couldn’t put words to, and he had to focus carefully on his breathing. That was when he’d heard Charlie’s voice, and his head had snapped up.

Charlie’s hair was freshly cut and gelled perfectly in place, and his suit jacket and pants almost matched the deep navy of the night sky. He’d stopped a few metres away, lingering on the path, looking a bit like he’d just seen a plague of locusts heading their way.

“You wore your Docs?”

Shayne glanced down at his feet. It hadn’t occurred to him to get new shoes to go with the simple black suit that Nancy had bought for him. He now realised he should have at least taken out the rainbow laces in the right boot and put the original black ones in for the night, but it was too late for that now.

He felt heat gather in his cheeks as he cleared his throat. “You look nice enough for both of us, Charlie.”

“I never said you didn’t -” Charlie blinked as he fought back a smile, the slightest hint of a blush crossing his cheeks too. “Thanks. I - I’m glad you remembered the tie.”

“’Course I remembered the tie,” Shayne mumbled, shoving his hands in his pockets and feeling like a teenager getting scolded. “You only mentioned it about sixty times and threatened to cut my head off.”

“I would never.” Charlie put a hand on the back of Shayne’s head, pulling it closer to he could kiss his forehead. “I like this head too much.”

Shayne’s stomach did a little flip. He leaned into the kiss, resting his forehead on Charlie’s shoulder as soon as he was allowed. “I’m so nervous.”

“That’s okay,” Charlie sighed. “You should have felt how fast my heart was pounding when I first saw you.”

_

Drew looked up from sweeping the kitchen floor, laying the brush against the countertop, as Rin walked towards the kitchen, carrying her shoes with her fingers looped through the backs of them. She stood in the doorway to the front hall, one hand on the doorframe, the other smoothing down the side of her dress.

He frowned as he noticed her expression. He didn’t take his eyes off her as he pulled out a kitchen chair, desperately trying to deduce if she was paler than usual under all that makeup.

“Dad, I...” Rin gave a slight shake of her head, lifting a hand to cover her mouth. “I don’t feel right.”

“Here, come and sit down. Do you want some water?”

Rin nodded as she scooped as much fabric into her lap as she could, and sat down sideways at the table. She rubbed at the side of her head, hoping at the last second that she wasn’t pulling her hair loose from its pins and spray.

Her stomach had mostly calmed, at least, but the sense of impending doom hadn’t been lifted. She’d made the mistake of checking her phone before coming back downstairs, and had been met with pictures of Katie and Ashley taking selfies with their dates, looking like movie stars getting ready for the red carpet. And here she was, feeling queasy and pathetic and lonely.

“There you go, love,” Drew said evenly as he laid a glass of water close to her elbow. He pulled out a chair for himself so he could sit at an angle to her front, folding his hands awkwardly across his knees. “Is there anything I can do for you?”

Not unless you can cancel out the last year of my life, or better yet the last eight years, so that I was never friends with Katie, or the rest of them, and maybe make it so that I was home-schooled instead, so I don’t have to go to this stupid tradition on my own and be embarrassed and awkward and –

Rin folded her arms around her waist and held back a sob. “No, Dad, it’s – it’s okay, I just…”

“Just what, love?”

Rin covered her mouth and shook her head. The words on her tongue were too strong, and she could already feel them echo down through the years of the rest of her life. “I don’t – I don’t want to go.”

Drew shifted his weight. “Well, why don’t we take a few minutes, and really think about this, and if that’s still what you want –”

“I don’t want a few minutes,” Rin said quickly, knowing she’d change her mind if she was given the chance to think too much. “I really don’t want to go, Dad. Tonight’s supposed to be about celebrating with your friends, and I don’t have... I don’t have those. If I go, I’m just going to have to hear them all laughing, and having a great time, and –”

Rin’s spiralling train of thought was cut short by a knock on the front door, which was in clear view of where she was sat. She frowned as she saw movement either side of the fogged glass surrounding the door, and she glanced at her dad, wondering why he hadn’t gotten up to see who was there.

Instead of that, he had taken on a shy smile.

“You might want to answer that, love.”

Rin blinked harshly, reaching up under the rims of her glasses in case she’d let any tears slip out while she’d been panicking. Her ankles wobbled slightly as she made her way to the door, hands trembling as she opened it.

The first thing she saw was the corsage being held out to her. A pale lily on a band on pearl-esque beads. Rin looked up in shock at Charlie’s face, which gave off an uncharacteristically shy grin.

“Evening, my lady,” he said.

“Ch-Charlie Bear?” Rin’s jaw fell open as he took her hand. No, it wasn’t him taking her hand, it was Shayne. She looked at him too, thinking surely, she must have hit her head or dehydrated or something.

As Shayne lifted her arm, Charlie slipped the corsage onto her wrist. As soon as it was in place, Rin pressed both hands to her face, quickly removing her glasses so she could dab at the fresh wave of tears.

“Thank – thank you, it’s – it’s lovely, it –”

“Hey – oh no, Rin,” Charlie cooed, gently easing her hands down from her face. “You’re going to smudge your makeup –”

“What’re – what’re you two even doing here?” Rin half-laughed, half-sobbed, finally feeling as though she could use her vocal cords.

She slipped her glasses back on, the strangled sounds quickly dissolving into giggles as she took in the sight of them both – Shayne in black and Charlie in deep blue – standing on her doorstep. She managed to focus on the one thing they had matching, which were the widely-cut, silky ties in a shade of pale-yet-vibrant pink.

“Why are – oh my god, do both your ties match my dress?”

Charlie’s grin only deepened as Rin reached out to playfully slap him on the arm. When she looked at Shayne, she couldn’t bring herself to even pretend to hit him, so instead she threw her arms around his neck. He tensed a little, and she felt him draw a sharp breath, so she didn’t hold onto him for too long.

“Oh my god, you two,” she gasped as she stepped back, fanning her eyes and hoping somehow that would dry up the tears that kept seeming to spring up. “You’re two absolute babes, you know that?”

“Two Prince Charmings, huh?” Drew laughed, rocking up behind Rin and planting a hand on her shoulder. “Both here to take Rinderella to the ball.”

Shayne made a sound that might have been a nervous laugh if he’d let it develop, but he quickly covered his mouth to stop it as Charlie and Rin both threw him curious looks.

“Oh my god, the ties,” Rin whimpered as she looked at the pink ties yet again. She jabbed Charlie in the arm. “No wonder you were showing so much interest in what my dress looked like.”

“How are you feeling, love?” Drew asked sincerely. He showed her that he’d taken her clutch bag from the hallway, so she wouldn’t have to go look for anything before she had to leave. Rin took it gratefully and turned back to kiss her dad on the cheek.

Rin looked at the two boys and sniffled. “I’m good, I – I’m good to go.”