#he did it to see sirius’ face when sirius realised he’d truly lost him

[lilyflxwers]

reg became a deatheater purely to spite sirius and you can’t tell me otherwise.

[messrmoonyy]

Hay, could you do number 44 for Remadora plz...😘

Some happy fluffy post deathly hallows fluff because they deserve it.

Also psa to people who have sent requests, i don’t write them in the order I receive them so if yours is taking it while it’s simply because others have given me more motivation. But it’ll show eventually :)

Prompt: sitting on the other’s lap

Pairing: Remus lupin x Nymphadora Tonks

Warnings: none

You can find all my other writing on my masterlist and remember my ask box is always open, so drop me a request! Check my masterlist for who I write for!

Remus couldn’t sleep, the same as most nights just lately. He rolled around in bed for a few hours but eventually got up, not wanting to wake Dora. She was easily woken still, her motherly instincts still on high alert even if Teddy was past the age of waking up screaming in the night for food. And there were still old habits from the war, never truly letting yourself fall into a deep sleep. Always on edge and ready to jump out of bed and fight at a moments notice. He’d still wake up some mornings to see she had her wand clutched in her hand, still fast asleep.

She still had nights filled with nightmares too, as did he. She often asked him when they’d go away. He dare not tell her that hadn’t even gotten over his from the first war yet, Never mind the second, and that they would never truly leave her. He simply gave her the same answers every time

‘Soon my love’

‘You’re getting better everyday’

‘They won’t be with you forever’

He didn’t like to lie to her, but he couldnt bare the truth.

Thankfully him getting out of bed hadn’t seemed to have woken her from her rarely undisturbed sleep and he’d placed himself in his armchair by the fire. Christmas was coming around and the only light in the room came from the tree and the fire burning in the hearth. It felt wonderfully cosy. And homely. And domestic. And he adored it.

He finally had the family that he’d always wanted and dreamed of. He’d popped his head into Teddy’s room before making his way downstairs, the 3 year old sleeping soundly splayed out in his bed. Much like his mother he liked to take up as much room as possible, far more than a person so small should be capable of. He’d dodged the two creaky steps on the stairs and was now quite peaceful with his mug of tea and the fire.

They’d moved into the small house in hogsmeade not long after the war had ended, Remus has graciously taken back his position of dark arts professor, so it made sense for them be close to the school. Dora had been given her job back at the ministry with a hefty promotion too. Things were…. Good. They were all still in that sweet post war period where every seemed to get on, the darkness seemingly having been permanently shut out by the light. He didn’t know how long it would last. It hadn’t lasted particularly long the first time around. But then again this did feel different, because maybe the first time around the darkness had never really left. But it felt like it had now.

His days were constantly filled with light now, the bright faces of his students, the familiar feel of belonging in the hogwarts halls, then coming home to the smell of Dora attempting another one of Mollys recipes, Teddy charging around the house on his tiny broomstick that Harry had gifted him the Christmas before. Just waking up to his family, going to a job he adored and then returning home to his wife. His child. Some might call it an unbelievably dull existence, but he couldn’t think of anything he’d want more.

Even his monthly transitions weren’t as dreaded as they used to be. Wolfsbane potion was within easy access of every man, woman or child that needed it from the ministry. And no stigma was attached to collecting it either. Of course the overall acceptance of Lycanthropes was still a work in progress. But it was the best it had been in forever. His full moons no longer consisted of having to lock himself securely away, writhing and screaming for hours and hours as his bones broke and re set themselves. No, now he spent them curled up by the fire with Dora at his side simply napping the night away.

Occasionally he’d let himself think of the people he’d lost, all members of both the original and the second order that had lost their lives had gained portraits in hogwarts. Alongside all the other brave individuals that had died. He visited Sirius, James and Lily often. It got easier every time. Though James did like to throw the occasional jibe at his age, the James in the frame forever stuck in his twenties whilst Remus was in his forties now. Not that he minded. He didn’t think he’d ever reach that age so he was happily embracing it.

“ cant sleep? “ he startled slightly as a voice broke him from his daydreaming and he turned his head. Dora was stood at the bottom of the stairs, a sleepy smile on her face and rubbing at her eyes.

“ Sorry Darling did I wake you? “ she shook her head and yawned. He smiled warmly at her and placed his mug onto the coffee table before opening his arms. She returned the smile, grabbing a blanket from the back of the sofa before shuffling sleepily over and climbing into his lap. She wrapped the blanket around them both and his arms looped around her, holding her close “ Teddy alright? “

“ snoring just like his father “ his heart still did little flutters when he was reminded of the fact he was in fact a father. A proud one too “ nothing could wake that kid. You could go in there and hold a private Weird sisters concert and he’d sleep through the lot “ she played idly with a thread on his pyjama shirt and yawned again.

He ran his hand gently though her hair, pressing a kiss to her forehead and looking towards the Christmas tree. This would be the first Christmas Teddy would understand more. He was holding almost coherent conversations with his parents now and was understanding what Christmas meant- his Christmas list had been a hefty one.

“ what’re you smiling at? “ Dora asked quietly, brushing the backs of her fingers against his chin. He hadn’t even realised he had been smiling.

“ Christmas with Teddy “ Dora smiled too and laughed slightly.

“ poor kids gonna be upset when he realises we couldn’t get him a real pet hippogriff “

“ he’ll love the stuffed one just as much “ it had been a nightmare to wrap, it was bigger than Teddy himself “ he’ll understand things a little more this year and not just throw his mashed potatoes at your mother “ Dora snorted a laugh at the memory. She’d been in tears she’d found the situation that hilarious.

“ it’s a good job she loves him. Only grandchild perks? “ Remus smiled and pondered on what thing his son would do this Christmas to cause chaos, morphing into random things or deciding he wanted to climb everything within reach. He quite liked the chaos though, he’d loved boring and ‘normal’ for far too long. And you couldn’t get any less normal than a werewolf with his metamorphmagus wife and their half werewolf morphing son.

They stayed down stairs for a while longer, Dora still sat in his lap and a comfortable silence surrounding them. She dropped off again after a few minutes, her breathing become slower and her full weight leaning on him. He debated attempting to carry her up to bed, but wasn’t sure his aged bones could carry her. He struggled sometimes just lifting Teddy. So he simply stayed in the chair, rested his chin onto his wife’s head and closed his eyes, getting a little more sleep himself in the dying light of the fire.

[ohnopoe]

no goodbyes | remus lupin

Ship: Remus Lupin x Reader Summary: Leaving Hogwarts and his position as Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher was hard enough, but leaving you was another thing all together Word Count: 1.7k+ Warnings: Self deprecation, a shitty world, and a surprisingly light amount of angst Author’s Note: Gender not specified/gender neutral. This turned out cuter than I expected tbh... This is for the wonderful wednesday writing challenge that @autumnleaves1991-blog and @clydesducktape​ organise! The prompt is linked here because spoilers!

There was something bittersweet about returning home for Remus Lupin.

His family home was small and cramped, but soft and warm, filled with reminders of those who were no longer there. Family, friends, it seemed nothing truly lasted in his life, and that only felt more true as he returned now, before the end of term, before he had intended.

Another job lost to his condition.

Somehow the sting of it didn't cut as deep anymore, but then he'd been dealing with the same prejudice for over twenty-five years now, perhaps he was just getting used to it, he thought with a somewhat amused scoff.

He could understand the letters that had swarmed the school the morning the truth had been revealed, he could understand the fear the student's parents had at the thought of him teaching their children. But that didn't mean it didn't hurt.

And yet, that wasn't anywhere near the most painful part of leaving.

Harry had been disappointed, hell, he looked near heartbroken to see his favourite professor was packing up after all they had gone through in the past few days. And he understood the pain, he really did. The boy had no connection to his parents, and just as he had found two, both were stripped from him.

He would have to try and stay in contact with him, just as soon as he was able to track down Sirius, that is.

Sirius...

The man he had believed capable of betrayal for so many years.

The man he had once called brother, and now- what was he now? Could they go back to the friendship they once had after so much distrust? He could only hope so.

Perhaps there was some good to come from this year after all.

But the moment that thought filled his mind, another face filled his mind.

He had never expected to meet a kindred spirit when he took on the job. He had been determined to keep somewhat to himself, to do his job and make no waves. He hadn't expected you.

The laughter and joy, the late nights that had started out with marking homework together and soon dissolved into simply enjoying one another's company. There was an ease with you that he could not remember ever feeling before.

Even when there was no time, there was still something.

It had started so simply. A book was lent, a note slipped into it. Thoughts shared on a scrap of paper as it was returned.

It soon turned into a pattern.

Books were found with the purpose of being for the other, as you each excitedly awaited the day they would find it back to their gifter's desk, with a simple note which would hint at a long conversation that would come whenever they found the chance.

It was such a soft and gentle thing, and it was yours. 

And then there was the moment, only hours earlier, when you had walked into his office, with his book in hand. Your smile refused to meet your eyes, eyes that seemed to hint at a torrent of emotions that were pulled back. There was so much to say, so much he wished he could say, but how could he?

The truth was out, and it didn't matter that you had been there at his side regardless of the fact you had known from the moment he started working by your side. It didn't matter that you had been there the day after every moon, chocolate and pain potions in your bag as you simply sat with him, reading to him when he wanted company, or working silently at his desk when he needed to rest.

It wasn't just about your beliefs now.

Even if, by some miracle, you felt the same way he did, the world would never allow it. You would receive all the hell and prejudice that he needed to protect you from. His love could never be enough to make up for a world of hate. Could it?

He had held back, trying to appear as though his heart wasn't breaking as he realised this was the end.

There would be no more soft conversations or raucous laughter, no more working together as you each complained about the illegible handwriting of student's work.

This would be the last time you entered his office, as this would be the last time it would be his office. 

And the book in your hands, his book, would be the last one passed between you.

There was a sadness in your gaze as you looked him up and down, taking in each new mark with the same concern you showed every month, and it stole any words from his mind. How could he find something to say when someone as wonderful as you stood before him?

Your mouth had barely opened before a noise startled you both from behind. His classroom room was pushed open in a hurry, and he glanced down at the open map before him to confirm his suspicions. Harry was not about to let him leave that easily either.

Another broken smile filled your features as you turned away from the doorway to face him once more, and then you were walking forwards.

He felt as though he had been hit with the strongest of stunning spells as he simply watched, unable to convince his legs to move, or his arms to wrap you up and hold you against him as he longed to do. No, he simply watched silently as you placed the book down on his desk with a tenderness that seemed to cut through him.

And when your eyes met his, there was so much there, so much hidden in silence, that he never got a chance to explore.

Harry was at the door, and you were retreating already.

He wanted to follow, trapped in your aura, desperate to never leave you. But Harry needed this too, and as you turned to give him a single nod, he did his best to reconcile that this was the only goodbye he would get from the one he loved in secret.

Funny how he hadn't thought to look at the book after that. 

It had gone into his bag almost automatically as he spoke with the desperate boy, but even his subconscious had him holding it carefully, as if somehow he could retain your touch through the book itself.

Now, as he stood with bags in hand in the small cottage of his childhood, it was as though nothing were more important than finding that book and clinging to it.

Clothing and nick nacks were pushed aside as he searched the bag for the precious item, and he sighed with relief as the feel of familiar worn leather touched his skin.

A book on herbology, of all things. 

He hadn't even realised he had it before you had found it upon his shelves, and raised it with a tilted head, silently asking if you could borrow it.

Herbology was never a strength of his, and it turned out you were similarly lacking in talent in that department, yet you had taken it with a smile, soft and gentle. A smile that had him realising he would do anything to ensure that smile existed all the more often.

Now, the odd book seemed to be more important than any other, even if it still made little sense to him.

He couldn't help but treasure it as he ran a hand over the cover, staring at it in wonder.

Had you enjoyed it? Had you found it just as confusing as he had?

Now he would never get the chance to discuss it with you, your meetings abruptly ending with the sudden termination of his position.

He couldn't help but wonder, had you left a note in this book? Perhaps something small, a jest about the author's name fitting the topic suspiciously well.

It was with a certain trepidation that he opened the front cover.

What if there was nothing to be found? What if you had decided that after everything that had happened, you didn't even want to do this? What if that was why you had not said goodbye?

No. He was placed in Gryffindor for a reason, and opening a book was not going to be the thing that stopped him in his tracks.

The cover fell open, and he held his breath as he took in the small post-it note that sat right there, with your familiar script staring back at him.

It was a short note, shorter than most, but even the sight of that had him smiling to himself.

If you want to know my thoughts, you're going to have to meet me at The Leaky Cauldron for lunch the day after school lets out.

I'll understand if you don't want to

x

The huff of laughter that escaped him almost surprised him. But then, he should have known better than to doubt you. You had made it clear from the start that his condition wasn't something that would ever scare you off, going so far as to threaten him with a hex should he ever imply it again.

He should have known better, should have had faith in you.

Perhaps losing his job wasn't the end of everything, perhaps this was just another chapter in his life, and you would remain a steady character, if he would be lucky enough to keep you as a friend.

The note would be treasured, he knew that even now as he unstuck it from the front page, careful not to crease the proof of your unyielding loyalty.

But as he lifted it he noticed something else.

Light shone through the thin paper from the warmth of the fireplace, hinting at more dark ink on the other side.

There, in a slightly more shaky handwriting, but one that was undeniably still yours, held another message.

P.S. I never told you, but I was falling in love.

For the first time in a long time, Remus Lupin felt excited for the school holidays. The end of term could not come fast enough. After all, he had to discuss some notes shared in a book.

[the-young-and-forgotten]

Featherstone ~ a song-fic

A/N: A marauders song fic. wrote this months ago. Never posted it. Havent touched it since. Don’t judge.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Wake up to the sound of your fleeting heart.

Wake up to the sound of your fleeting heart.

When you go, what you leave is a work of art.

On my chest, on my heart.

James lifted his head off his pillow and watched Lily sleeping for a bit, her hand resting on his chest as he absentmindedly brushed back hair from her face. He listened to the slow thumping of her heart rushing in time to his. Her lips were slightly parted as she slept, and were emitting small but sudden puffs of breath. After a while, she woke up and blinked up at him sleepily. She gave him a tentative smile and stood up to go. Her fiery touch still lingering on his flushed skin. He sat up quickly, willing her not to leave. ‘You’re a work of art’ he whispered to her retreating back. But she was already gone.

She went out in the haze in the morning grace.

Went out and got lost in a tall hedge maze.

As Lily stepped out into the cold misty morning, she heard a male voice calling from afar. Against her better judgement, she edged closer to the source of noise. And there standing in the cold smirking at her, was James Potter. As Potter grinned at her, she held in a breath expecting the inevitable. But instead all she got was an ‘Alright Evans?’ She stopped walking and stood gaping at him, causing him to grin even wider, before she masked her surprise and walked over to him. A smile alight on her face. She was, she thought, a bit surprised at the change. It continued for months, not once was a date considered and Lily could find herself losing her sense of hatred and dismissal towards all things ‘Potter’ related.Even starting to notice a few of his habits had stopped being annoying and now simply endearing. Even though she denied for months such a thing. ‘The world is turning crazy,’ she thought, ‘everything normal is being forgotten and lost.’ And Lily Evans was undeniably lost. Losing herself in the maze that was James Potter.

Where’d you go? Where’d you go? Why’d you leave this place?

On my heart on my face.

Sirius cradles James’ body - his brother, his lifelong best friend, the man he was supposed to grow up with - in his arms, silent tears trickling down his face. Rocking their bodies backward and forward.  All his emotions raw, striking the most painful expression. ‘Why’d you leave this place? Who’s gonna help me through life now?’ He whispered, his voice cracking with too much emotion. Taking a deep breath to calm himself, he pushed up James’ now broken glasses and laid him gently on the ground.

My love is yours but your love’s not mine.

And I’ll go, but we know I’ll see you down the line.

Sirius gave his brother in all but blood one last crooked smile. And continued walking to the nursery, albeit with more pain in his stance than he’d felt in years.

And we’ll hate what we lost, but love what we find.

Remus stood in front of James and Lily Potter's grave. Fist clenched, head bent, rain drizzling around him, masking the tears making tracks down his face. ‘Sirius?’ he whispered ‘you did this?’ He sank to his knees and pounded his fist into the ground. And for the first time in years, he was living in a world without his brother, without his family, without the Marauders. And as the sun filtered through the clouds, laying her soft rays on him, did he truly realise what it was like to be alone.

And oh, I’m feeling fine, I made it to the coastline.

Remus held Harry back as he screamed Sirius’ name. No one but Remus noticed the smile that became slightly bigger as he fell through the veil. The smile Sirius only saved for James. Remus blinked back tears that threatened to spill as Harry burst from his arms, running. He sank to the ground and put a long, scarred hand over his face, shoulders heaving. ‘½ of us gone,’ he thought ‘the other half still fighting.’ And he was fine with that.

Past all the signs of the slow decline.

Live like your love wasn’t meant for mine.

Now you’ve gone, now you’ve gone to a different life.

To the loneliest side.

Peter gazed around at the nameless faces of victims in the cellar, people who probably have names and belong to someone, people who are loved. Something that Peter would never, could never, feel again, especially after his betrayal. Peter hadn’t deserved the Marauders' trust.  He'd known that the moment he shook hands with Lord Voldemort himself. Their paths were forcibly split the moment he pledged his loyalty to Voldemort's side, the dark, unloved, lonely side. The side where Peter had no friends, no brothers, no Marauders. Nothing but the sense of his own heart-wrenching guilt and a longing for the simple, lovely past he once had.

My love is yours but your love’s not mine.

And I’ll go, but we know I’ll see you down the line.

And we’ll hate what we lost, but love what we find.

And oh, I’m feeling fine, we’ve made it to the coastline.

Remus stood on the edge of the shore overlooking the Black Lake with a small smile on his face as waves of memories crashed over him. A year ago, they would’ve made him cry, but now he was calm, peaceful, content. For this time, he was sure he was seeing them soon, seeing his family.

‘Remus’ he heard a soft voice call from behind him and he slowly turned to see James, Lily, Sirius and even Peter there, all 17 again. ‘Time to go mate’ James said with a small smile as he reached out a hand.

And for the first time in a very long while ‘The Marauders’ were together again.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

taglist: @just-a-belgian-girl @kashishwrites @lilgoddesshines @probably-peeves @naviation-xx @thegrxywitch @nuttytani @blue-writes-things

[refusethyname28]

Hey you, I think I’m...

Pairing: Sirius Black x Remus Lupin (Wolfstar)

Summary: Sirius doesn’t know how to tell Remus how he feels. Perhaps a thousand and one letters will do the trick?

A/N: I wrote this fic quite some time ago for a weekend challenge on Harry Potter Amino. It was a challenge for pride month and this is kind of what came of it. This is set during the Marauders’ Era. The ending is set around 1980.

Warnings: None

Word count: 6157 words

The moon and the stars cried. The moon lighted the way while the stars fell down while not knowing what to say. It was hard to keep it all in when all they both desired was to be together, yet neither knew what to say or how to say it. That is why they cried.

Dear Remus Lupin,

Before you go out and interrogate everyone, talk to everyone you know and even the people you don’t know, to find out who wrote you this, please believe me when I say that I truly mean what I wrote in this letter. I think you’re wonderful, and I mean that in the best way. I genuinely think you are an amazing person to just admire. You are kind, caring, loving, gentle- even when you say you’re not. The way you study always gets me, you know? It’s your head pining over all that homework, all those books, and then at some point, you will accidentally knock over your inkpot and you’ll curse at yourself. And then you’ll look up to see if anyone heard you. Honestly, it is so extremely adorable. Or when you arrive at the Great Hall with your friends, it is amazing to see that smile on your face as you breathe in the smell of freshly baked goods. To put it lightly, I think I fancy you…

“I think I fancy you, honestly this sounds stupid,” Sirius muttered to himself as he was reading through the letter he was currently writing. The young Black groaned in frustration and shook his head. His three best friend had gone outside to enjoy the sun, but not Sirius. No, he had to write this, he’d promised James that he was going to confess his love to Remus this year. The problem was that end of the year was quite near, it was now the beginning of June and if Sirius did not confess his love this year he’d owe James a lot of money. The male had locked himself in their dormitory and told himself that he was not allowed to leave until he finished this. Sirius’s eyes skimmed over the letter and not that much later he put it down and took out a new blank piece of parchment. “Shouldn’t ‘love’ be a celebration?” the young male murmured to himself. This did not feel like a celebration, this was a lot harder than he anticipated, and he was scared of rejection. Sirius never really wanted to admit that he was scared of being rejected and ignored by the ones he loved most. He could not lose his best friend over a stupid love letter. This confession was more like signing his own will or placing the final flower on his coffin before saying goodbye, because not only would he confess his love, he would also have to come out as gay. Yes, it was a very well-known fact that Sirius made out with girls in the past, and he did enjoy it, kind of, but did he ever feel like he wanted to spend the rest of his life with one of those girls? You guessed right, not ever. Not once did he think that he might be settling down with one of those girls. He did have that feeling every time he looked at Remus. Remus grounded him, he made sure Sirius was true to himself and that is what Sirius needed. Some to ground him, to steady him when he was falling apart. He needed someone to truly love him for who he was, not for the image or reputation he had. It was like Remus had the power to truly open Sirius’s eyes, to show him the wonders and beauty of this world. 

Sirius stared down at the blank piece of parchment on his bed, and he shook his head. He let himself get lost in new thoughts. He wondered what his family would do when they found out about Sirius’s sexuality. They would presumably find out about it not even a second after Sirius officially came out. He wasn’t particularly looking forward to that. The Blacks knew everything that Sirius was up to in the shortest period of time, they had people everywhere- and with people, Sirius meant his younger brother, Regulus. Sirius sighed and closed his eyes. He thought of all the pros and cons of him telling Remus about his feelings, he was rather quick to realise that there were more cons than pros. “I promised James, and I never break a promise,” he told himself, and he went back to writing, starting a new letter. 

Remus John Lupin,

Look I know, I’m not that great with things like love and big romantic confessions. You tell me every time I get a new girlfriend, and I’m sorry. I really tried to change all of that, but it didn’t happen. Something else did happen though, you see, I fell for you. Well, this did not exactly happen recently, let’s say, I think I’ve been in love with you for quite some time now, years even. You might hate me for it, you might think I am not capable of something like this, and I am sorry you feel that way about me. But I’m not going to keep this inside of me any longer, I need to say it. I am madly in love with you, Remus, and I cannot help it. So, is it really necessary for you to ask around who sent you this letter? Not really, I guess I can better say it. Well, it is me Moony. You’re mate, Sirius. Yes, I fancy you. I fancy you and your billion cups of tea at 3 AM, I fancy you and your knitted jumpers, you who folds your socks every night before you go to bed, you who will get grumpy whenever James and I are being too loud while you’re reading a book. I fancy messy you, sad you, angry you, sick you, tired you, I fancy you, Remus. Everything you are, I fancy it all. James told me that it would be easy to tell you how I felt, but it is not. It is the worst thing ever. You make me nervous. You, of all people! I know you’ll probably laugh at me and think I’m being silly, I mean, who is able to make Sirius Black nervous? Well Moony, congrats you’re the one. You’re the winner. 

It’s hard for me to tell you because I don’t know how you feel, I don’t know what I will do when I see your reaction. I just can’t lose you, Rem, I can’t. But that’s not the only thing. I’m scared of the reactions I will get from others, I am scared of what my family will say. I am scared to go back there this summer and face the consequences if I do decide to send this letter. Honestly, I’m scared of it all. An outcast, the white sheep of the family, the disappointment, not a true Black heir, a disgrace and now the word ‘homosexual’ can be added to that stupid list of things and names they can call me. I’m sorry I shouldn’t put this all on you, it is not your fault. You’re too good, even if you can’t see it yourself. I’m also afraid of loving you because I’m not even sure if I truly understand the extremely complex concept that is love. People always say: ‘when you know, you know’ right? With you, I like to think I know, but is that love? Or is it just a stupid little crush, a stupid little crush that I’ve been having since we decided to become Animagi to help you. I’m afraid I don’t understand the concept of love well enough to really be yours and to fully commit myself to you. I’m not even sure if you want to have me. Look, I understand it if you don’t, that’s okay, I think? I might be heartbroken for a little while, but I am not losing my friend over a crush, so you bet your magic arse that I will be there to annoy you the rest of our lives. No matter what will happen when you read this, no matter what you will do, we’re a team. 

Yours sincerely,

Sirius Black.

Sirius stared at the paper as he let the ink dry. This was the very first letter he actually finished. He’d written a couple before but all ended like the one before this one, without a proper ending. They were all written by someone ‘anonymous’, it was slightly odd that this one, where Sirius used his own name, was the one letter he actually finished. But he was never going to send this. This letter was too raw and too personal, he couldn’t send this to Remus. The poor lad would have a heart attack reading this. This letter was never going to see the light of day ever again. Sirius waited until the ink was fully dried down, he then closed the letter and put it away with the other letter. All the letters, concerning this very matter, were being stacked away in a little box Sirius kept hidden from the rest. Not many knew that there was a loose floorboard next to Peter’s bed. You could take it out and hide things underneath it, that is where Sirius hid the box. The male then endeavoured to write a few more letters, but all ended disastrously. In other words, the letters did not even have a proper ending so, instead of putting them with the other letters, Sirius burned them. After a little while, he decided to give up and join his three friends outside by the lake. 

James cheered loudly when he saw Sirius arrive, Remus looked up and gave Sirius this absolutely dazzling smile. It was like the softest smile in the history of smiles and it was a fact that only Remus Lupin could smile like that. Sirius wanted Remus to never stop smiling like this, he was gorgeous like this. As soon as Sirius’s eyes rested on Remus his mind was calm. The sun shone upon Remus beautifully and the hot beams highlighted Remus’s face in the most beautiful ways. “Hey Pads, finally done?” Remus’s voice brought Sirius back to reality, and he nodded, smiling at his three friends. “Pain in the arse, Transfiguration, but please don’t tell Minnie I said that. Otherwise, she might never smile at me again,” Sirius spoke in a very dramatic voice. He let himself fall down next to James and Remus. Peter handed Sirius a bag of peanuts and the young Black took some. “What have you three been up to?” Sirius casually asked. He genuinely tried so hard not to get too distracted by Remus, which was awfully hard as Remus was just sitting there, not having a clue of what he was doing to Sirius by being extremely handsome. Sirius thought it was not fair for someone to look that gorgeous at the age of sixteen. Compared to Remus Sirius himself felt like a mess. A beautiful mess according to a lot of girls, but a mess nonetheless. “Nothing much, Pads. Don’t worry, you did not miss out on anything,” Remus assured his friend and Sirius nodded. The four boys sat there in silence, only the sounds of the birds and the lake could be heard, and Peter’s chewing as well. Remus laid back in the grass, and he closed his eyes, letting the sun all upon his face as he lay in between the flowers. Sirius watched his friend lay back, and he was, again, in awe. Remus looked absolutely stunning already, but this truly was a wonderful sight. Sirius felt someone nudging him, but he ignored it, he was too captivated by Remus’s beauty. The young werewolf always spoke of his face as ugly, because of all the scars but Sirius was someone who actually found beauty in scars. Sirius had scars himself, both mental scars and physical ones. Sirius learned to live with them by telling himself that every scar had a story, they were a sign of survival, how harsh that reality might be to others, it was the truth. Every scar had a story, that’s what made them so special. Remus hated it when people pointed out his scars or even looked at them, but when Sirius did that it was okay. Sirius felt somewhat privileged in that way. The young Black heir just wanted to kiss each scar on Remus’s body and tell gorgeous carrier how wonderful he looked, that the scars did not make him ugly, not at all. They made Remus even more interesting, captivating and more bloody gorgeous than he already was. The nudging kept going on and soon Sirius realised that it was James Potter who was poking his sides with his wand. “What?” Sirius spoke in a slightly hushed voice as he eyed the Potter boy. James just stared his best friend in the eyes and arched his eyebrows up. “Nothing, literally nothing,” Sirius whispered, and he sighed deeply. “Mate, you know our deal,” James said back and Sirius nodded, he was still glancing over from his one side, where Remus was, to his other where James was practically breathing in his neck. “Potter, too close alright?” Sirius chuckled and he pushed his friend away a bit. Sirius plucked the grass as he kept thinking of ways to tell the scarred boy that he, Sirius Orion Black III, was deeply in love with him. The letters were certainly no option, he couldn’t even properly finish them, well except for one. Remus had often told Sirius that he wasn’t sure if Sirius was capable of love and that kind of commitment, and yes, it hurt Sirius every time his friend said it, but he knew that Remus did not mean it in a bad way. Sirius wasn’t even sure about it himself, committing to someone like that was a huge step, and considering everything Sirius has been through, he wasn’t completely sure if he was able to love someone like that. So, Remus did have a point. Remus just wondered if Sirius was ever going to settle down, as he basically had a new girlfriend even two or three weeks. Not that it was Sirius’s fault, the girls were all too clingy, they didn’t like it that Sirius spent more time reading Remus a book, because Remus was too tired to read himself, than he actually spent with them. But it also showed how well they actually knew Sirius, because he would, without hesitation, choose friends over lovers unless that lover was also your best friend, which made things rather complicated. Sirius kept his eyes on Remus, and he observed the male in silence while he was being observed by James Potter. It is kind of uncomfortable to have someone watch you this closely, especially because it was James, and he simply couldn’t do things without being extremely obvious. Or at least, he couldn’t do that with Sirius, the two knew each other too well. “Lads, I’m going to have to borrow Pads for a little while, we’ll be back soon,” James then suddenly spoke and Sirius looked at his best friend with a perplexed look on his face. “‘Course, go ahead, we’ll meet you two here again,” Remus said with his calm voice and his eyes still closed. Peter just nodded and finished the last of his peanuts. The two mischievous Gryffindors got up and walked off, leaving their two friends behind. 

Sirius looked at Remus as he was being pulled along by James. It was obvious that James wanted to talk to Sirius in private. The two often had these little moments where they would just take the other out on a little walk, and they would talk about everything and anything. James and Sirius had that kind of bond and it was an amazing thing. James truly was the brother Sirius always wished he had The two were now far away from Remus, Peter and any other students really. The young Potter stopped moving and Sirius did as well. The young Black heir looked up to his taller friend. James looked at Sirius, and he raised his eyebrows at the Black. “What? You have this look on your face,” Sirius said as he was being observed by his best friend. “You need to take some action, Sirius, it is very necessary,” James said and Sirius groaned. “Did you write a letter?” James then asked and Sirius shook his head, but he then remembered he actually did write a letter with an actual ending. “Wait, I did actually, but it’s horrible and it is messy and. I cannot possibly send him that letter,” Sirius explained, and he sat down. James dropped next to him and patted his best friend’s back. James opened his mouth, wanting to say something but Sirius interrupted him. “And no, I am certainly not going to tell you where I hid it.” James closed his mouth again and stared at his feet. He really wanted to help Sirius, and he knew that Sirius wanted all the help he could get, even if the male did not want to admit that. Sirius was one of wanting but not speaking it out, James figured that had something to do with his past. It was odd how Sirius was so confident and overly dramatic while walking through the halls but when it came to subjects like love, hate and fear he turned into this silent and overly timid person. It seemed as if Sirius was afraid to allow himself to love someone for real, that is how he acted anyway. James had been telling his friend to tell Remus all year long, but it didn’t happen. Sirius was still hopelessly daydreaming about Remus Lupin. “Sirius, are you afraid to be loved?” James then suddenly asked the young Black in all seriousness. Sirius looked up at James with big eyes, and he sighed deeply. Obviously James knew everything about Sirius, James knew Sirius even better than Sirius knew himself. It was kind of annoying at times, but he also loved James for it. “Perhaps,” the long-haired whispered. It almost was as if Sirius was afraid his fear of being loved would become reality if he said it out loud, that’s how soft the whisper was. Sirius did not want to feel like he needed love, he didn’t want to be desperate for it, but he was. Even though he wasn’t truly sure if he knew the true meaning of the word love, he still wanted it. “It’s okay to be afraid mate, you’ve been through a lot. I really don’t know how you feel right now but I can imagine confessing this to Remus must be hard. But please remember you should be proud of this love, even if it isn’t mutual. Remus making you feel like this will prove anyone wrong that said you weren’t capable of real love. You are, and being scared to admit the way you feel about him proves that.” James rubbed Sirius’s back to comfort his friend. “Remus said that,” Sirius whispered. James nodded and kept rubbing the Black’s back in circling motions. “I know Pads, but he doesn’t mean it like that. He knows very well how vibrant you are, and he knows that you are truly capable of love.” James would be there for Sirius, he would always be there. It wasn’t common in the Black household for anyone to talk openly about their feelings, the children were being taught to keep it to themselves and not to bother anyone else with it. They needed to be strong, to keep the image up, and they could not, under any circumstances, show weakness in front of others. That’s something that haunted Sirius, he couldn’t express himself properly, it was a problem for him really. People wondered why Sirius acted the way he did, they wondered why he had so many girlfriends and who he went from one to another in just a span of barely a month. Sirius wanted to be loved, he wanted to feel loved but he did not know how to ask for it. That was his problem. He never knew true love, never knew what it was like to have a loving family who listened and cared for you, how was anyone supposed to love him if his own family despised him for who he was. What kind of effect would Sirius’s coming out have on his family? Sirius also had to keep in mind that he would have to spend his summer at 12 Grimmauld Place. “Hey mate, I’m here for you alright? Obviously, I’m not going to hold you to that agreement we made. That would be cruel. If you’re not ready to tell him you’re not ready and that’s okay. You need to take your own time with this, just know that I fully support you. I am proud of you no matter what.” Sirius smiled softly at James as the messy-haired spoke these kind words to his friend. The two talked about some other things, such as Sirius’s home life, James’s crush on Lily, Sirius’s crush on Remus and some new ideas for pranks were being discussed as well. After a while, the two Gryffindors decided to go back to their friends. 

Dear Remus Lupin,

This is my first letter to you. For your information I won’t be stating my name in this letter, that would be way too awkward. I’m not sure if I were able to face you again if you knew my name. So, no, you will not find out who I am. I just wanted to let you know that I admire you. Admire, that’s putting it lightly, I actually think you are amazing. You are wonderful at everything you do, you’re so kind and gentle even though you say you’re not. You won’t be able to convince me of that. I like every little thing you do, for example, you sitting by the fire late at night while reading a book, or you running around after your friends to make sure they don’t get into too much trouble or even you studying in the library with Lily Evans. I like it all, love it all. To be quite honest with you, I think I’m…

His heart skipped a beat as he read the first letter over and over again. The handwriting was unlike something he’d ever seen before. It was swirly and just absolutely gorgeous. Remus couldn’t believe it, he kept staring at the paper, reading the last words over and over. “I think I’m,” the young werewolf whispered to himself, and he took a deep breath. He then remembered there were more letters, Remus then opened the next envelope that was addressed to him. 

Remus,

I’m just going to keep it simple, I think, or I hope. You see I’m not the best at this grand romantic gesture and all. As much as I would like to do something like that for you, I’m not sure if others would appreciate it that much. Romantic, I said? Yes I did. I’m just going to tell you, I like you. I like you a lot and…

Remus turned the letter to see if there was something written on the back of the paper. Nothing, these two first letters were not finished. He picked up a new one, there were about eighteen letters in the box he found, so he kept on reading. It was a good thing that the other three lads were out, because Remus wasn’t too sure what he would do if they found him in here, with all the letters.

Hi Remus,

I fancy you. I’m—

That was a short one, but it was rather straight to the point. There were a few letters left and even though Remus already got the message, he simply could not stop reading all the endearing letters.

Remus Lupin,

Hey you, I’m trying to tell you something here and I would really like it if you’d take your time to read this before going on a quest to find out who wrote you this. It’s rather personal, the thing I wrote in here. You might wonder who this ‘I’ is, well I’m deeply sorry but I will be keeping that too myself. I just figured, or actually my friend did, that it would be best to tell you. I have deeply fallen in l—

Remus read a couple more, they were all unfinished. Some letters were bold, some of them were romantic and some were serious or formal. But they all told Remus the same thing. It was a beautiful thing actually, to see the writer struggle with putting this into words. To see how the writer wanted to tell Remus but wasn’t too sure what to say and how to say it. That was until Remus opened and read the last letter. 

Remus John Lupin,

Look I know, I’m not that great with things like love and big romantic confessions. You tell me every time I get a new girlfriend, and I’m sorry. I really tried to change all of that, but it didn’t happen. Something else did happen though, you see, I fell for you. Well, this did not exactly happen recently, let’s say, I think I’ve been in love with you for quite some time now, years even. You might hate me for it, you might think I am not capable of something like this, and I am sorry you feel that way about me. But I’m not going to keep this inside of me any longer, I need to say it. I am madly in love with you, Remus, and I cannot help it. So, is it really necessary for you to ask around who sent you this letter? Not really, I guess I can better say it. Well, it is me Moony. You’re mate, Sirius. Yes, I fancy you. I fancy you and your billion cups of tea at 3 AM, I fancy you and your knitted jumpers, you who folds your socks every night before you go to bed, you who will get grumpy whenever James and I are being too loud while you’re reading a book. I fancy messy you, sad you, angry you, sick you, tired you, I fancy you, Remus. Everything you are, I fancy it all. James told me that it would be easy to tell you how I felt, but it is not. It is the worst thing ever. You make me nervous. You, of all people! I know you’ll probably laugh at me and think I’m being silly, I mean, who is able to make Sirius Black nervous? Well Moony, congrats you’re the one. You’re the winner. 

It’s hard for me to tell you because I don’t know how you feel, I don’t know what I will do when I see your reaction. I just can’t lose you, Rem, I can’t. But that’s not the only thing. I’m scared of the reactions I will get from others, I am scared of what my family will say. I am scared to go back there this summer and face the consequences if I do decide to send this letter. Honestly, I’m scared of it all. An outcast, the white sheep of the family, the disappointment, not a true Black heir, a disgrace and now the word ‘homosexual’ can be added to that stupid list of things and names they can call me. I’m sorry I shouldn’t put this all on you, it is not your fault. You’re too good, even if you can’t see it yourself. I’m also afraid of loving you because I’m not even sure if I truly understand the extremely complex concept that is love. People always say: ‘when you know, you know’ right? With you, I like to think I know, but is that love? Or is it just a stupid little crush, a stupid little crush that I’ve been having since we decided to become Animagi to help you. I’m afraid I don’t understand the concept of love well enough to really be yours and to fully commit myself to you. I’m not even sure if you want to have me. Look, I understand it if you don’t, that’s okay, I think? I might be heartbroken for a little while, but I am not losing my friend over a crush, so you bet your magic arse that I will be there to annoy you the rest of our lives. No matter what will happen when you read this, no matter what you will do, we’re a team. 

Yours sincerely,

Sirius Black.

Obviously, Remus knew these letters came from Sirius, he literally found the box after trying to look for his chocolate. The lads were known to steal Remus’s chocolates, especially Peter and this box happened to be hidden underneath the loose floorboard close to Peter’s bed. Remus thought he was the only one who knew about that spot, not that he used it for anything, but he figured that whenever he might need a spot he would have one. The letters were stuffed away in a little box with the Black family crest. Remus actually remembered Sirius getting that horrid thing. The young male got it for Christmas a few years back, two perhaps. It had been a snowy and cold night and the four boys decided to stay at Hogwarts, which took Sirius a lot of trying to convince his parents by owl to let him stay as well. The boy had been thirteen or fourteen at the time. This box arrived and when Sirius opened it there was nothing inside it except for a little card with one word written on it, ‘disgrace’. Seeing Sirius’s reaction to that little note had been horrible to watch. The poor boy immediately got tears in his eyes, and he tried to dry them and not to let it show, but he couldn’t hold it in, so he went upstairs, crying as he did so. Obviously James followed him to their dorm. The common room hadn’t been too crowded at that moment, so not many had seen what happened. After a little while, Remus took it upon himself to check on the two boys, so he made his way upstairs to their dorm. When he opened the door Remus saw a crying Sirius with red and puffy eyes in James’s arms who was holding him tight and telling him how amazing he was and how horrible his family treated him. It was at that very moment that Remus realised that he wanted to be that person for Sirius. He wanted to be the one Sirius would look for to comfort him. Remus wanted to be the one holding Sirius and telling him how beautiful he was inside and out. That was the moment when Remus realised he had fallen in love with Sirius Black. 

Remus read the last letter again, he then grabbed one of the other letters and compared the handwriting. The letter with Sirius’s name actually looked like it had been written by Sirius himself, but all the other letters were in a different handwriting. There were a couple of similarities, for example, the way Sirius always connected the letter ‘o’ with the letter that followed. Remus wondered if Sirius truly came up with a whole new handwriting for just these letters. Obviously, Remus loved the last letter the most. It was personal and really well, Sirius. He read it again and pressed the letter against his chest. 

It wasn’t that much later when Remus heard three familiar voices coming from the common room. James, Sirius and Peter were rather loud. Remus held Sirius’s letter in hand, and he made his way downstairs. He really had no idea what he was going to say, but he just had to see Sirius right now. There were so many thoughts and questions rushing through his head right now. For example, Remus wondered why Sirius kept it all a secret, and for how long this had been going on. He arrived in the common room and immediately looked at Sirius who gave him a soft smile until the Black realised what Remus was holding in his hand. Sirius went pale and his eyes big, he turned his gaze away and avoided Remus’s eyes at all costs. Remus made his way over to Sirius and towered over the smaller male. James and Peter had stepped aside to see how this was going to end. A few other Gryffindor students, who were sitting in the common room as well, were watching everything happen. “Remus-” Sirius mumbled almost inaudibly, he still wasn’t meeting Remus’s eyes. The Black was too scared to see Remus’s reaction, what if there was hate in his eyes or disgust? He couldn’t have that, he could not lose Remus, but he was afraid that he in fact just had. There was a silence, no one said a word, not even the students who were just sitting there, no one. Sirius was about to say something else when he felt Remus’s soft hands cup his cheeks and press their lips together. It caught Sirius off guard, and he would have fallen if it hadn’t been for Remus catching him. Remus’s lips were soft against Sirius’s plump ones. It was truly a magical kiss. Sirius was a bit light-headed at the moment, and he wasn’t truly sure if that was because of the kiss they shared or because of the lack of oxygen as the kiss was pretty intense. 

Several gasps could be heard around the common room when Remus initiated the kiss by pressing their lips together. Everyone had fallen silent, and they were watching the two males kiss, which was kind of awkward. It was pretty obvious that there was chemistry between the two, there always had been chemistry. Then someone started to wolf whistle at the two and people started clapping and cheering. There were some cheeky comments as well, but none of it mattered to the two kissing boys. They were in their own little world right now. All they knew at that moment was each other. They parted and stared each other in the eyes. “You’re in love with me?” Remus whispered against Sirius’s lip. “I am, very much,” Sirius replied and they kissed again. This kiss was a lot lighter than the last one, it was short but still romantic. “I am in love with you, Moony. I am so in love with you.” 

1980

Dear Sirius Black,

Remember how and when we got together? You better do because I will never forgive you if you don’t. I thought it fitting to write you a letter for our three years anniversary. It was exactly this date that you wrote your last letter, a week before we got together. I know it might be a bit too soon, but I have something to ask you. Please don’t freak out, just consider it, think it through. That day, exactly a week from now (which is when I will give you this letter), when I read your letters I finally opened my eyes. I finally saw us together, and so did you. Our horizons met, love. Ever since that moment, you brought me nothing except love and light, all of that light will lead me into the darkest of nights, I am now able to fight those nights because I know that you will be by my side. I am happy and proud to be yours, Sirius, I really am. I know, this relationship wasn’t easy for us, you had trouble with your family because of this and you were afraid. To be honest with you, I was scared that one day you would see me for whom I think I am, and I’m still scared of that, but I also know that you love me. I know the scars we have, they will bleed, they will heal and open up again because that’s how life works. But I believe, Sirius, both of our hearts believe that we can get through all of those tough times because we can. I am sure of it. All of the stars will guide us home Sirius, you are my star, you’re my home. 

I have something to ask you, Sirius, and please don’t freak out.

Yours for eternity,

Remus Lupin.

When Sirius looked up from the paper Remus was sat on one knee, holding a little box in one hand. “Sirius Orion Black III, will you marry me?” 

It was this night, exactly three years ago that the moon and the stars finally aligned. No longer did they cry, they were finally together. After so many exchanged words and letters, tonight was the night that they truly became each other’s significant others. The moon and the stars, proud to be together after all they’ve been through. 

[iliveiloveiwrite]

Come What May

Request: hey! can i get a request for an american transfer (i’m not sure if they were even a thing lol but anyways) and she is a hufflepuff? maybe she becomes friends with remus due to him being a prefect and sirius ends up really liking her? if you want to change it up a little bit for your writing that’s perfectly fine! xx

A/N: I loved writing this - it took me some time to start, but I loved writing it. I hope you like it and I hope I’ve done it justice. I’ve no clue whether I’ve made the reader American enough but I still hope its good nonetheless. Moulin Rouge is one of my favourite musicals; the title is the name of the song. Enjoy!! :)

Pairing: Sirius Black x American!Transfer!Reader

Warnings: fluff, mentions of pregnancy, I wanna say swearing but I can't remember, mentions of nausea, mentions of anxiety, mentions of homesickness

Word count: 3.3k

In an attempt to improve relations between the wizarding worlds of the United States of America and the United Kingdom, MACUSA and the Ministry of Magic set up a transfer scheme for sixth years of Ilvermorny and Hogwarts. The entirety of their sixth year would be spent abroad where they would gain the worthwhile experience of receiving an education in a different country.

Some pressure from your mother had you applying to spend a year at Hogwarts. Only ten students from the year group were given the opportunity – when it was offered to you, you took it with both hands. A year abroad would look good on your final transcript when applying to train as a Healer.

Upon arriving at Hogwarts, you were swiftly sorted into Hufflepuff; a kind, gentle house that made you feel welcome. Their proximity to the school kitchens would help with reducing the stress for exam season, you thought.

Your first week was plagued with intense homesickness. The Scottish Highlands were hauntingly beautiful, but they were nothing compared to your surroundings at Ilvermorny. You longed for the familiar sight of the familiar Mount Greylock. You missed your family, but your mother’s letters would still find you at Hogwarts. Professor McGonagall had assured you of that.

Your classes were hard to navigate. Hogwarts was bigger than Ilvermorny and you found yourself running from one side of the castle to the other in an attempt to get to lessons on time.

“Hi, are you okay?” A male voice asks. You turn to find lanky teenager with scars littering his face looking at you in concern. A prefect badge on the collar of his robes had you relaxing; here was someone that could help you.

“Hey!” You shout, eagerly, happy to see a friendlier face, “I’m lost. I’m trying to find Divination.”

He smiles at you, “You’re in luck, I’m heading to Divination as well.”

“That’s great, I’ll follow your lead. I’ve been here three weeks; you’d have thought I’d have the layout down by now.”

He chuckles, “I’m Remus, by the way.”

You hold a hand out to him, he shakes it once, “I’m (Y/N). I’m part of the transfer scheme between Ilvermorny and Hogwarts.”

Remus sits beside you in Divination; helping you when you struggled with understanding the teacher’s accent. Divination was taught at Ilvermorny, and along with Herbology and Potions, was one of the subjects you excelled at. Your four times great grandmother on your father’s side was a prophetess who barely escaped the witch trials in Salem; her talents had been passed down to you.

The lesson is over fairly quickly with Remus by your side, helping to translate the Professor’s words. You’re packing your books up, hoping your usually spot in the library isn’t taken when Remus asks: “(Y/N), would you like to join me for lunch? You’ll have to meet my friends, but they’re mainly harmless.”

“Mainly?”

Remus flashed you a grin, “They’ll talk your ear off, but they mean well.”

“In that case, I’d love to join you for lunch. I’d be spending it in alone in the library, so this is a definite upgrade. Lead the way.”

On the walk to the Great Hall, you and Remus bond more and you can feel the start of a genuine friendship beginning to be built.

By the time you arrive at the Great Hall, you have decided that Remus is in fact a sweetheart with a heart of gold who loves his books as much as he loves his friends. From your limited knowledge of Hogwarts houses, you can see exactly how Remus meets the standards to be a Gryffindor.

Remus automatically heads to the table assigned to Gryffindor, spotting his friends in the crowd. You only hesitate for a moment before joining him.

“(Y/N), these are James, Peter and Sirius.” Remus introduces, pointing to each teenage boy with their name. They look at you with fascination as you take a seat next to Remus, who hands you the pitcher of water without a second thought. Yes, your friendship with Remus would be something you truly treasure with all of your heart.

“It’s nice to meet you all,” You greet, not missing how their eyes widen at your accent.

“Are you one of the American exchange students?” Peter asks.

You nod, smiling at him, “I am.”

If it’s possible, his eyes widen further, “You must be really smart then. Like super smart to get into the programme. The one’s we got in Gryffindor are like geniuses.”

“Thank you, that’s a very nice compliment.”

Peter blushes, breaking the eye contact between you two.

You start placing food onto your plate, eating a forkful in between answering questions.

“My turn now – how did you all become friends?”

James grins, “We all met on train and became friends. It seemed fate was on our side when we were all sorted into the same house.”

You look at the ties each worn by the teenagers; stripes of solid red stand out against dark black. “You’re all in Gryffindor!”

James nods, “We are! And our ever-lovely Remus is our prefect.”

You smile when you see Remus out of the corner of your eye, sitting a little straighter at the sound of his school role.

Sirius catches your eye, a smirk turning the one corner of his lips upwards, “What house were you sorted into?”

You point to your tie, not missing the way his eyes rake up and down your body, “Hufflepuff,” you state proudly, feeling very at home with your Hogwarts house.

“What’s your house at Ilvermorny?” He asks, pronouncing each syllable of your school separately, testing out the sound of it on his tongue.

“Pukwudgie.” You declare, prouder than ever of your house back in America. Those sorted into Pukwudgie are defined by their passions and their desires; they commit themselves fully to everything they do whilst being fiercely loyal caregivers and protectors.

Sirius’ lips tremble; he wants to chuckle at the odd sounding name. You don’t miss the expression on his face, rolling your eyes at it.

“We have four houses at Ilvermorny: Pukwudgie, Wampus, Horned Serpent, and Thunderbird. It is said that my house, Pukwudgie, favours healers which makes sense since that is what I’m working towards. I want to work at the hospital for magical folk in New York City. The other houses favour different positions; Wampus – warriors, Horned Serpent – scholars, and Thunderbird – adventurers. Truthfully, we aren’t that different to Hogwarts expect for the fact that we’re in America. The Hogwarts students over there are probably realising the same thing. ”

The four boys look at you in astonishment, and you realise that since you arrived in Scotland, those were the most words you had spoken in succession.

“Well,” You say, grinning, taking a sip of your water, “we aren’t entirely different other than the fact that we’re better

James squawks in indignation, “How? I think you’re mistaken. I’m going to need a point by point explanation of how that is even possible. Hogwarts is the best school out there!”

You laugh at him, “Hogwash. Are you ready for that conversation, James?”

Sirius grins, showing off his perfectly straight, white teeth, “Oh, I like you. I think we’re going to get on like a house on fire.”

With your heart racing, your answering smile is blinding.

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The Marauders adopt you as an honorary member; Peter had dubbed you the emissary to Ilvermorny with a promise to tell your tales of your time at Hogwarts to the student body of the school; to make them famous ‘across the pond’.

The more time you spent with the pranksters, the more you saw them as themselves. James and Sirius were ridiculously smart but played aloof – happier to marked as the class clowns than the smartest in the class (though they were by miles). James was besotted with a red-haired girl named Lily who never seemed to want to give him the time of day, but he persisted.

Peter had the best stories from his childhood, and he was more than happier to tell you them. But there was something simmering under the surface with Peter, as if he was too close to the flame of something he couldn’t quite pull back from. You hoped he would before it was too late.

Remus confessed to you a month into your friendship, of his lycanthropy – he trusted you, he knew you wouldn’t spread his secret and you wouldn’t. You could see his self-hatred always simmering, but Remus was so pure of heart with a predisposition for trouble that made him a natural leader when planning the school-wide famous pranks, that you knew he would not let the wolf inside him control him for longer than was necessary.

The friendship you had created with all four of them was something you would cherish upon returning to Ilvermorny. In such little time, they had taken you in and made you feel at home within their group.

Out of all them, you felt drawn to Sirius and he was more than happy to entertain you. He found you fascinating as well as extremely beautiful. There was something about your eyes that he couldn’t put his finger on, but they had him from the very moment they fell on him in the Great hall. He could sit and listen to you for hours whether it be a story or a rant. He was more than happy to let you talk and for him to listen. You had bewitched him; mind, body and soul. He’d follow you to the ends of the earth.

It was this that made you fall in love with him.

As cliché as it is to describe, your feelings for Sirius took you by surprise. In a matter of few weeks, you had started to fall in love with the shaggy-haired prankster. He had captured your heart in a way you never thought possible; you found it hard to think of anything but him. Your heart raced with every bit of eye contact made across the classroom; as if you were the only one in his line of vision.

Sirius had a way to make you feel as if you were the only one in the world; he would listen to your rants over the differing education systems between the USA and the UK or if someone had gotten on your nerves. He would defend you if ever a cross word was even uttered in your direction; Severus Snape had been on the receiving end of most of Sirius’ hexes. Sirius had you completely enthralled.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

You spend weeks agonising over your feelings for the Gryffindor; badgering Remus at every opportunity until he cracks and tells you that Sirius feels the same but doesn’t know how to approach you.

You decide then and there that you’re going to tell him; that you’re going to confess your feelings for him. As you rush to the library, you steel yourself in case of rejection. It would break your heart, but you would find a way to repair the friendship.

You find Sirius in an isolated corner of the library, pouring over one of the many leather bounded books. The library had taken your breath away when you first arrived; never in your life had you seen so many ancient and dusty tomes dedicated to the practice of witchcraft and wizardry. Now, your eyes are drawn to the teenager hidden among them.

Sirius is sitting in one of the few arm chairs. You don’t sit down; the anxiety and adrenaline preparing your legs for a quick exit if needed.

“Do you want to go to Hogsmeade with me this weekend?” You ask.

Sirius looks up from his book, wide-eyed, “What?”

“Would you like to go to Hogsmeade with me this weekend? I know it’s a free weekend for the both of us and I’d like to go with you.”

“Really?”

“Yes. I like you, Sirius and I think you’ve known for a while that I do.”

Sirius can’t help the blush that rushes to his cheeks, “I know of your feelings.”

“I need to know: are they returned or am I overstepping here?”

Sirius places his book on the table, “No, no, you’re not overstepping. I’ve had a crush on your for a while.”

Your grin lights up your face and Sirius find himself making the promise of to always be the cause of your smiles and never your tears.

“So would you like to come to Hogsmeade with me?”

“As long as you let me pay; it would be shame on my name for me to let such a beautiful person pay for their date.”

“You are a gentleman. So you will come?”

“Yes, we’ll go to Hogsmeade on a date this weekend. I adore your confidence.”

“I’m American,” You state, shrugging your shoulders, “We’re born with it.”

Sirius barks a laugh as he pulls you into his lap, his hands on your waist. You press not one, but two kisses to his cheek where the blush still remains, savouring he fact that it was you who affects him so, and no-one else.

Sirius relaxes beneath you; happy to have you in his arms for however long you have left at Hogwarts.

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In the muted light of the moon reflecting into his dorm room, you can be honest with each other. Your time at the school for witchcraft and wizardry was coming to a close with little under a month before you were returning to Ilvermorny to complete your final year of education.

You didn’t try to ignore the lance of pain spearing your heart as you imagine that year without Sirius. A little over four months with him and you knew that you have found the love of your life; that there would be no-one else for you.

“I don’t want to leave you,” You whisper in the dark of the night, curled under his arm, your hand pressed to his chest so you can feel his heartbeat under your palm.

“I don’t want you to go.” He whispers against your hair.

Tears sting the corner of your eyes, “What are we going to do?”

“For now, I’m going to sleep next to the girl I love. Tomorrow, we are going to talk about it, I promise. I just want to hold you now.”

“Tomorrow,” You promise, “Tonight, I just want to be held by you.”

Sirius pulls you tighter to him; as if the two of you aren’t already pressed together. He drops another kiss to your head while you press one to his shoulder. You aren’t sure whether of you get a lot of sleep that night; worries of the future working their way down the familiar path of your mind.

The following morning brings lingering touches and unhurried kisses. The anxiety from last night hangs like a dark cloud over the both of you but there is a determination within you to hurry it away.

The day is spent slowly; slowly walking around the grounds, slowly reading in the common room, slowly kissing. As if the slower your pace, the longer you can spend in his arms where you truly want to be.

The topic needs to be approached; it needs to be addressed or else it’ll sour the remaining time you have left with the boy you’ve fallen in love with.

Laying on the couch in the Gryffindor common room, your head in Sirius’ lap, you ask, “What are your plans for the summer?”

He sighs, pretending to think it through as he brushes a hand from the top of your forehead to the tip of your nose, “I’m not sure, I think I’m going to be visiting this really pretty girl that I’ve fallen in love with.”

You beam, “Yes please. Come stay with me! My family is going to love you.”

Sirius’ cheeks warm, “Really?”

You nod, “Definitely, I’ve already told them all about you in my letters. My mom is going to love you. My dad is going to take some persuading though. I think the whole family won’t be able to leave you alone. I go to Scotland and come back with a boyfriend.”

Sirius laughs, warm and rich, “I’ll have to bring my charming self.”

“You do that, and you won’t get to leave.”

“Maybe that’s the plan. I think we can do it, you know.”

“Can do what?”

“A long-distance relationship. I think we can do it; I think we’re strong enough.”

“Really?”

“Yes, really. I know we haven’t been together very long but I’m in this for the long-haul. I want no-one else but you; I love no-one else but you. In such a short time, you’ve shown me what a relationship should be like and I want it. I want it all with you. So I think we’re strong enough to get through it. We can send letters and on the longer holidays, we can alternate between America and the UK.”

“You’ve really thought this through.”

Sirius nods, nudging you to sit up. “I have. I thought of it last night, I don’t know how neither of us thought of it earlier.”

You think it through, seeing no disadvantages to his plan other than the fact that you would miss him dearly. “I like it. Let’s do it, let’s do long-distance. I love you too, I want no-one else either. I hope you’re ready for all of my letters, Black.”

He laughs; the sound music to your ears, “More than ready.”

You can’t help the smile as you lean into kiss him.

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7 years later:

The house is quiet; too quiet, you think as you push your feet into your slippers. You make your way downstairs to be greeted to the sight of your husband of five years cooking with your four year old daughter. 

“I think we’ve been caught, sweetheart.” Sirius whispers to the toddler sitting on the kitchen counter.

Your daughter turns from her place, “We’re making pancakes!”

“I can see that,” You say, chuckling, making your way to your husband – kissing him before kissing your daughter on the top of her head.

“We wanted to give you a bit longer in bed. I know you were up most of the night feeling sick.” Sirius says, a hand touching the barely-there bump.

“You’re my knight in shining armour, Mr. Black”

“Always at your service, Mrs. Black.”

Your final year at Ilvermorny was filled with letter upon letter from Sirius telling you the stories of his final year at Hogwarts. You were very happy indeed when he reported that James and Lily had finally started to see each other, and that Remus was thinking of going steady with a girl in Ravenclaw who loved books as much as he did.

The long-distance relationship was hard at times; always after a visit from one of you to the other but nevertheless, you both persevered – worries always extinguished over written word. Your family understood that your home was now in England; in the arms of a black-haired prankster that had captivated your heart from the very first smile. Your dream of being a healer was still very much attainable in England.

You and Sirius were not long behind James and Lily for marriage. Sirius had proposed one evening after you returned home from your shift at St Mungo’s; bone tired and in the need of a hug, you were shocked to return home to rose petals leading to the living room where Sirius was down on one knee – the only light in the room being from the candles lit on every surface available. You both cried when you accepted; you both cried at the wedding a year later.

You didn’t think there would be any more room in your heart to love someone else other than Sirius.

Then you found out you were pregnant. And your heart made room for one more. Your heart had stretched to fit three when your test came back positive for the baby currently growing in your womb.

As you sit in your kitchen, watching your husband cutting up pancakes for your daughter, you feel overwhelmingly grateful for your mother pushing you to fill out the transfer paperwork all those years ago.

*******

Harry Potter (General) taglist: @slytherinprincess03 @bforbroadway @obsessedwithrandomthings @the-hufflefluffwriter @masterofthedarkness @kalimagik @summer-writes @lupins-sweater @mischiefsemimanaged @soleil-amaryllis

Sirius Black taglist: @cheapglitter @fific7

[writesowhatnext]

wayward pines  // sirius black

Summary: Sirius Black and Ravenclaw!reader have loved each other for years, obvious to everyone apart from them

Request: Hii, if you aren't too swamped, could you please write a sirius black x ravenclaw reader fic based on the song 'you're in love' by Taylor Swift where the reader and sirius have been friends since their first years and have been pining for each other? And could it have some angst with a fluff ending please? Thank you!

A/N: k so I said that Lily and Sirius aren’t really friends but that’s partly for the plot and partly bc timeline but I promise u Lily and Sirius were the best of friends also I enjoyed this 

Reader: unspecified

Warnings: swearing

Sirius Black knew every single person that walked the halls of Hogwarts, it was a talent of his. That said, he didn’t have many friends. He had James, of course, and Remus and Peter and on a good day, he would probably call Lily and Marlene his friends, too. He also had you. And whilst he was all clashing teeth and stubble and sharp words and leather jackets and pride, you made him soft; you made him feel more. With you, he was everything he ever wanted to be and, Merlin, did he love you for it. He’d loved you since the day you met, he always thought.

You were both so young back then and it was all so long ago, but he remembered every detail. He was scared shitless, with his relationship with his family already so strained; just a scared kid sitting on his own on a magical train to a magical castle. And then you appeared, excited and curious. And you made it better. He remembered your face when you were sorted; he’d been sure blue suited you. He’d been right. When he was sorted, he had no idea how to feel. He sat next to James that first day, which he was grateful for now, obviously, but at the time it didn’t matter because he didn’t know James. He tried to be happy that he wasn’t like his family but he knew there would be hell to pay eventually. He caught your eye, though, as you shot him a thumbs up across the hall and, to him, that mattered. It meant everything to him, actually, because he knew you. He felt like he’d always known you.

“Oi, Pads, mate,” James shouted as Sirius stared out the window, watching the snow fall and some Hufflepuff students already rushing out to brave the cold. Sirius blinked, trying to brush the thought of you from his mind. It didn’t work; it never worked.

“You coming outside? Or are you just gonna sit there pining over Y/N?”

With his mood immediately soured over being caught, Sirius picked up his scarf and threw it at James, pointing toward him with an accusatory finger.

“Are you really one to talk about pining?”

James’ face dropped as Remus’ laughter filled their dorm.

“Has a point, Prongs.”

“Shut up, Mooney.”

There was a great deal of competition to get outside; everyone was milling through the corridors to enjoy the weekend’s weather. The snow was ridiculously bright when they finally got downstairs, though not nearly as bright as James’ sinister grin.

“Oh fuck,” With horror in his eyes, Sirius watched a large clump of snow fly towards him. With snow now down his neck, in his eyes, mouth and hair, his face was so bitingly cold he almost couldn’t hear James snorting. Almost.

“You’re dead, Potter.”

“Ooh,” James taunted although he was definitely running away. “Potter.”

His teasing didn’t last long as a very, very compact snowball hit James directly between his eyes, covering his glasses in ice. Sirius looked over to Remus who only turned around, looking behind him for whoever had thrown it. He shrugged in mock confusion, sending Sirius into bouts of laughter. That was before Peter pummelled him with a block of snow to the side of his head. Like children, they played for hours outside, as did the rest of Hogwarts, it seemed.

It wasn’t until something cold and hard hit him in the back of the head that Sirius decided he was done with their snowball fight, because when he turned around expecting to see his friends, there you stood with the smuggest grin he’d ever seen. For a moment, he just stared at you, his heart clenching at the way the snow fell into your hair, your bright smile and your fluffy gloves messing with the buttons on your coat.

“Do you think that’s funny?” he asked, running towards you. You struggled to suppress your smile, trying to replace it with a deep frown.

“No, Mr Black, I think this is a very serious matter.”

He rolled his eyes as you giggled, looking up at Hogwarts. He moved so you were stood shoulder to shoulder, both of your staring up at the castle in the snow.

“Beautiful weather we’re having.” You said softly, thinking about how truly beautiful it was.

Looking at Sirius didn’t help. With snowflakes melting in his hair and his cheeks rosy, he looked more handsome than ever.

“It wasn’t forecast.” He added, enjoying your mock small talk. He always enjoyed playing pretend with you. He looked down, noticing that you were watching him. He smiled.

“Care to dance?” he asked, turning to face you with one hand raised expectantly. Sometimes, you thought Sirius knew exactly how much you liked him and that he used it to mess with you somehow. Though truly you knew his pretend-flirting and light touches could never hurt you as much as you hurt yourself by accepting his heart-wrenching offers.

“Of course.”

If Hogwarts had a gift shop, and if that gift shop sold snow globes, Sirius was sure the image of you two dancing there, despite how clumsy and awkward it was in the snow, would be the only thing worth trapping inside of them. He’d buy them all, he thought, every single one. He didn’t have to though, so it was lucky Hogwarts had neither a gift shop nor snow globes; he’d remember that moment for the rest of his life. Bathed in comfortable silence with matching grins on your faces, the two of you side-stepped from left to right, leaving footprints into the snow. Through gloves, you held hands and through your coat, he held you and in some unexplainable way, it was perfect. It had been perfect. At that moment, he decided that you were the only one he wanted to share his world with. At that moment, you decided that you couldn’t keep throwing your heart at a boy that could never love you the way you wanted him to so desperately.

“Sirius, I-“ you said, unsure of the right words. “I don’t-“

You were glad when that snowball hit him, truly, because he knew you more than you knew yourself and had he not been distracted by the clump of ice lobbed his way, he would’ve known there was something wrong. You watched his face turn from peaceful to annoyed amusement and for that second, you cherished it like it was the last time you’d see it. May it would be.

“Sorry, love. I need to teach a git a lesson in manners.”

Shooting you a signature grin, he raced over to his friends, picking up snow from every surface he could on the way. You watched him with fondness as played childlike games, heart already aching at what you knew you had to do.

After that day, you didn’t talk to Sirius for two weeks and three days. Though it doesn’t sound a lot, it felt like years for the both of you. It wasn’t easy to avoid him, especially when he’d made it his mission to find out why you, of all people, had started ignoring him. Despite your best efforts, you were also in more pain now, without him, than you’d ever been around him. You kept telling yourself it would get better and that you’d done the right thing but now you weren’t so sure. You missed his voice and his laughter and his presence and how even in silence you felt like no one would ever know you better than he did. Maybe that’s why you didn’t run when he found you at the lake. You just sat there; your knees hiked up to your chest as you looked at the frozen-over water. You’d seen him coming but made no move to escape and he, in his upset state, had taken that as a win.

Sirius Black had been through many things in his life, many awful things. He’d also done quite a good deal of awful things himself. Nothing compared to those weeks without you. He felt like he’d lost everything good in his life and everyone had noticed how entirely absent he was. While James had been vaguely irritated at his constant pining over you, perhaps unfairly, he’d take that any day over Sirius’ vacant stare and empty laughter. Though Sirius wouldn’t talk about it, he knew it was about you, that much was obvious. It was always about you: anyone who’d known Sirius for more than five minutes knew he was in love. After spending all week looking for you, desperately chasing you after class, lurking outside of your common room and even hunting in the library, when he finally saw you by the lake, he almost thought he was dreaming.

You expected him to be angry but when you looked at each other, your stomach sank at the tears in his eyes. You realised how unfair you were being; it wasn’t Sirius’ fault he didn’t love you like you loved him.

“You’re my best friend,” he said, swallowing. “You know that?”

You didn’t know what to say. You didn’t know how to say that that wasn’t enough. You felt like a monster. Fortunate for you, he didn’t give you a chance to reply anyway.

“And I want to spend every day of my life with you. I want to make you breakfast and burn your toast and I want you to wear my shirts and I want us to talk for hours like we always do…”

Your mouth dropped open. Did he mean that?

“I spent this past fortnight falling apart because I can’t do that. I can’t do my life without you in it, Y/N, because it’s not my life at all. It means nothing.”

“Sirius-“

“No, it’s okay that you don’t feel the same. Y/N, I’ve loved you for years and I could never put into words the way you make me feel. I’m sorry that I’ve ruined us, I’m so-“

“Sirius.”

“I just need you. It’s okay that you don’t feel the same but please just be my best friend again.”

Tears were rolling down his cheeks and when he turned to you, your voice caught in your throat. You stared at his bloodshot eyes, noticing how sad the grey seemed. You couldn’t find the words you wanted to say so you said the only thing that came to mind as you looked at his beautiful face.

“I keep a picture of you on my desk at home.”

His eyebrows shot up and then drew down again, sharply, confused.

“It’s because when I’m not here, you’re the only thing I ever miss. The only bit that matters, I suppose.”

You saw the hope brewing in his eyes and you couldn’t help but smile slightly.

“It doesn’t matter where I am.” You looked back for a second at the lake, eyes skimming over the frozen surface. “As long as you’re there.”

He nodded, licking salty tears from his lips as a smile tugged at them. He pulled your arm towards him.

“You really mean that?”

You stared at each other for a moment as you scooted closer, identical bashful smiles lifting your cheeks. Like the world was right again, the silence between you felt normal.

“I love you, Sirius.”

The way his eyes softened at your words sent a warmth through your chest at the sight of him.

“I just didn’t think you could ever feel the same I’m sorry.”

Without saying anything, he leant forward and rested his forehead against yours. His hand dragged down your arm to rest on top of hand, grass tickling his palm through your fingers. Slowly, he interlocked your fingers together and smirked.

“I thought you were supposed to be the smart one, love.”

You scoffed. Maybe he was right. It was hard to deny that you’d both been blind, though.

[lvmosity]

saviour | harry potter

pairing: harry potter x muggleborn!hufflepuff!reader

requested: yes! by @scoofpoof​ thank u ♡

request: can i request for a harry potter x muggleborn! hufflepuff! reader? reader doesnt know harry potter (gasp) but he does bc they grew up in the same place and he lowkey has a crush on her. reader still doesnt know harry potter in school n is one of the top students. harry knows that she is physically strong bc she plays muggle sports n knows self defense. shes kind but not a coward so one time harry asks for help when he is being bullied n she agrees... reluctantly. u can choose the ending. thanks!

genre: fluff maybe?

word count: 3.4k (ok i didnt expect this to be long)

warnings: bullying, mentions of blood & scars, reader is a badass

tags: @sadhwstudent​ 

credit to the owner of the gif

It had only been less than two months since the news of Lord Voldemort’s supposed return from the dead had spread throughout the Wizarding World and all Harry Potter could do was watch in frustration as people branded him as a liar and deranged. He had to thank the Ministry of Magic, primarily Minister Fudge who took full control of this and covered up what he thinks to be complete utter nonsense. It wasn’t a surprise to him really as the Ministry of Magic were, after all, corrupt and incompetent.

Whilst Harry lied in bed feeling extremely alone and lost during those months, he did not get a single letter from his two best friends; Ron and Hermione, despite their promises. He was starting to wonder if they too had turned blind and decided their friendship wasn’t worth it but after finally meeting up one day for an explanation, he realised it was done so under Dumbledore’s orders which made the situation worse.

Then the events that followed after made it harder to cope with. He had discovered an old alliance formed by Dumbledore during the First Wizarding World and that half of them had either died or were seriously harmed. His godfather Sirius Black had informed him that the Dark Lord was in search of a special object that he had no access to during his previous attack, along with the mysterious actions of his headteacher who has ignored him throughout the summer. The pressure was starting to be a heavy toll on him, and he was forced to deal with it.

Unfortunately, it also became a difficulty attending school. His classmates had started eyeing him weirdly, growing awfully distant with him to which they would immediately stop talking once Harry entered the room, and some of his other so-called-friends had removed him from their lives. It also couldn’t help that certain students, none other than Draco Malfoy and his goons, had begun to bully him more than ever, hitting him with nastier remarks as well as the constant push and shove tactics.

Harry felt isolated and disorientated, felt as if no one had truly believed the words that came out of his mouth, felt as if he was made a laughing stock to the Wizarding World, felt as if Voldemort had already won the battle and it had barely even started. Ron and Hermione tried their best to cheer him up and distract him from reality but it would end in failure each time.

He was starting to lose hope, starting to think he was better off buried twenty-feet deep under the dirt since he knew his parents were the only ones who wouldn’t judge him, starting to accept the many labels plastered on him; he was a liar. 

He just had spent a strenuous hour-long detention session with Professor Umbridge in the afternoon due to his apparent cheek talking as well as spitting ‘false’ information about the Dark Lord’s return. Feeling emotionally drained, Harry found himself making a bee-line to the school’s library to have a moment to himself, he wasn’t prepared to face his friends and hear their worries.

Night had already fallen meaning everyone would be asleep by now, the hallways had also gotten dark. Luckily enough, the candles were the only light source as it made it slightly easier for Harry to find his way through the darkness. However, he wasn’t able to see anything further down the hall and he worried that a prefect or a professor on duty might catch him and drag him back to the dorms. Although, he’d rather bump into them than Filch.

And soon enough, once he had turned a corner and heard hurried footsteps approaching up ahead in the darkness, he started to panic. It was only a matter of time before he suddenly collided into something hard and he desperately hoped it wasn’t any of the two. Waiting to hear a grumpy voice scold him, he hears a high-pitched squeal instead.

The unknown figure in front quickly whispers a ‘lumos’ before being blinded by a bright light. Harry hisses at the sudden flash and squints his eyes to see past it expecting to see Filch or a professor. To his surprise, he realised it was just a girl but it wasn’t just any ordinary girl, it was you.

You look at Harry with a bewildered look to which he returns. Opening your mouth to question his presence, your head quickly whips back and a small gasp escapes from your lips. Both of you hear another set of footsteps approaching from behind and you instantly grab Harry’s hand and rush off to find a room or a spot to hide in.

After locating a random closet room, you hastily pull Harry inside with you and shut the door from behind. Harry leans against the wall and starts to pant but you hush at him indicating to keep quiet. You whisper a ‘Filch’ to him and he nods in realisation but mentally facepalms seconds later because you couldn’t see it anyways since the room was completely dark.

Several minutes pass by and no sign of footsteps or a grouchy voice could be heard meaning the coast was clear. Relieved, you flick your wand and a light illuminates from the tip of it, now the room was bright enough to see.

You turn to Harry and smile at him sheepishly, feeling embarrassed for grabbing a stranger’s hand. “Sorry about dragging you here, I had to make sure the both of us didn’t get caught, you know how Filch is.”

Harry shakes his head rapidly, “It’s fine, I appreciate you looking out for me though.”

“No worries...” Your words falter at the end waiting for him to introduce himself as you had no knowledge of the boy standing in front of you.

“Harry, Harry Potter.”

“Ah, well,” The sides of your eyes crinkled as you give him a friendly smile. “You’re welcome Harry, Harry Potter.”

You burst into fits of giggles, finding your small joke amusing. A faint blush creeps onto his face and Harry’s head shifts to the side in an attempt to hide it as he found you it adorable. Fortunately for him, you didn’t notice it but you noticed something instead and it wasn’t fortunate for him.

“Harry! Your hand’s bleeding!” You gasp as you reach out to his hand, lifting it up to your face to inspect it.

Harry winces at the sight of the blood, his scab had cut open supposedly from the harsh grip you had on him whilst you were running away before. It was only a minor cut and it didn’t really bother Harry whilst you reacted differently by shrieking as if he had lost a hand.

“What happened to your hand? Why do you have a scab?” You eye it closely, “It looks recent too.”

Harry scratches the back of his head with his other hand and stays silent, unsure on how to explain it to you that Professor Umbridge is a vile, old bat that enchanted a special quill to cut into his skin when he uses it. He also didn’t want you to worry too much and snitch on her to Dumbledore in case you would get in trouble.

Slightly frowning at his choice to ignore your question, you gently push him back to sit on a random obstacle as you rustle inside your school robes only to pull out a tiny first-aid box and kneel in front of Harry. You pick up a wound spray out of it and spritz it on his cut causing Harry to hiss at the slight pain.

Mumbling a quiet ‘sorry’ to him, you continue to dab the blood away, taking extra care not to deepen it. Once you saw that the cut was cleaned up, you pick up a plaster and place it on his cut, softly smoothing it out so that it sticks on properly.

Harry watches you intently as you smile to yourself feeling proud at your work, even if it simply was just tending to your aid. Harry lifts his hands up and stares at the plaster, it was girly for his liking as it was coloured a pastel purple and had a daisy pattern. He found it cute.

"It’s my friends,” Harry looks back at you. “Mine recently ran out so my friend lent me a few since I’m always getting into fights.” You bite your lip and look at Harry, waiting for a shocked reaction from him, he probably doesn’t expect you to be a troublesome girl.

“B-but for a good reason! I only fight the bad guys, y’know the bullies and all.” You stutter, trying to defend yourself. You began to bring up past events of you arguing with a Slytherin called Pansy and how it ended badly, showing him old bruises on your arm that were close to fading away. You then bring up another fight including a boy from your house and rambled on about how he blamed you for messing up a potion to which you secretly made it blow up in his face out of annoyance.

As you continue to rant, you didn’t notice Harry’s gaze on you. He knew all about you and how you are as a person, he knew this because he’s observed you for years. Harry figured that you didn’t know him too well as you saw him as a stranger but to him, you weren’t.

The two of you grew up in the same neighbourhood, practically living across from each other but a few houses down. Both of you also attended the same school and shared most classes together, yet throughout the years you didn’t seem to acknowledge his presence until now. 

This wasn’t a surprise to Harry as he was a quiet child and didn’t get on with the others in his year. He stayed reserved, spending most of his time in school sitting inside class with his teacher during break and lunchtime watching other children have fun. The teacher wouldn’t pay much attention to Harry but it didn’t bother him as he was much interested in watching you play on the field outside.

He was captivated by you. You were different from most girls in his year; you loved playing muggle sports as you would constantly single-handedly beat the boys at football. Gradually, he developed a crush on you. He would consistently hear stories from his classmates of how you would beat up bullies and stand up to anyone making fun of your friends, or rather anyone. You were strong for your age, in fact, you were always strong. 

Growing up, the stories would get crazier and Harry got a chance to witness it come alive. During one chilly December night, he stumbled upon the scene of you being harassed by two men. Irritated by their actions, Harry was about to call them out but in a blink of an eye; you quickly grab one of their arms and twist it, launching him over your shoulder and slammed him down on the ground. 

The other man shrieked in horror and ran away, bumping into Harry’s shoulder in the process. Satisfied, you calmly walk away from the groaning man and left a speechless Harry. From that moment onwards, his admiration for you tripled.

Not only were you strong, but you were also freakishly intelligent. Scoring ‘Outstanding’ grades in most of your classes to which you were one of the top students in Hogwarts, always positioning a place higher than Hermione (she hated that). 

Harry was abruptly pulled out of his thoughts as he sees you with your head tilted to the side, staring at him with a raised eyebrow.

“Hey, I asked if you were alright. Something wrong?”

“Oh, er, n-no. I was just thinking about something.”

“Ah,” You place your chin in both the palm of your hands, looking up at Harry. “Say, you haven’t told me how you got that scab. What happened?”

Harry sighed. “Umbridge.”

You roll your eyes, “Of course, I’m not surprised.” You stand up and sit beside Harry who scooches a bit to the side to make space. Although, due to how small the obstacle you guys were sat on, your hands were lightly brushing up against each other and Harry tried his best to keep calm and fight the uncontrollable blush.

“I don’t know why I’ve only just realised this but you were the guy that was with Cedric the night he died, right?” Harry turns his head to you, startled at the sudden change of topic. “And you’re the one who keeps saying that the Dark Lord has returned.”

No answer. Harry stays silent, he had a feeling that you were also going to make fun of him, call him a liar and walk off; forever ignoring his existence. But instead, he hears a soft giggle.

“Don’t worry, I believe you.”

Harry shoots you a confused look, “What, really?”

“Yeah, why wouldn’t I?”

“It’s just... mostly everyone doesn’t, and they bully me for it.”

You frown at the new information before your face relaxes. “I’m so sorry that’s been happening to you Harry...” Harry shrugs and you couldn’t help but start to feel bad. “I wish it was different. If there was a way for me to help, I would--”

Harry’s head perks up; “Then help me.”

“What? Harry, I barely know you.”

“But I know you.”

“You don’t even know my name--”

“Y/N, your name is Y/N Y/LN.”

“Okay, now that’s weird.”

Harry shakes his head, “It’s a long story but we grew up in the same neighbourhood and attended the same primary school.”

“Oh,” That made sense. You were beginning to think you had a stalker. “How come I’ve only just met you today?” 

“Must be a magic spell I put on myself to be invisible.”

You playfully nudge him. “Oh shut up, a kid that young wouldn’t have been able to learn the spell for it yet.”

You both laugh and for a moment, Harry’s troubles had disappeared and he was enjoying the company, your company. As the laughter fades away, Harry turns back to staring at you and you question him, “What?”

“So, will you help me? With the bullying?” 

You bite your lip and ponder for a few minutes. An hour ago, he was just a stranger to you (and whoa, has it already been an hour?) yet it felt like you guys had already met before, like fate had brought him to you and perhaps offered you both to initiate a friendship or more. Wait, what were you thinking? You’ve only just met the guy!

Your eyes meet up with his once more and he gazes at you softly, waiting for an answer. You couldn’t help but feel even more bad for Harry. What were you going to say?

“Okay.”

●●●

The next morning had arrived and like always, Harry had to deal with the usual weird looks and whispers from the students that passed by him in the halls. Ron and Hermione would instantly glare at them to which they’d shut up and walk off but they knew they’d start whispering again once they turned their backs away.

Frustrated at her best friend’s ignorance, Hermione pulls Harry’s arm back causing the three of them to stop in their tracks. “Harry, aren’t you going to say or do something about this? You can’t just ignore them!”

Harry whips his arm out of her grasp causing Hermione to frown. “It’s nothing to worry about, I’ll be alright.”

“Alright?! How could you possibly feel alright when everyone is going around making a mockery of you--”

“Well, well, if it isn’t Potter.” The three of them turn to see Draco and his two other delinquent friends walk up to them, a smug look plastered across Draco’s face. “Finding it difficult these days, aren’t we?”

Ron scoffs, “Screw off Malfoy.” He nudges Harry and a mumbles a ‘let’s just go Harry.’ as him and Hermione start to walk away but Harry stays put.

“You know, I’m surprised you haven’t had enough and dropped dead just like poor Ceddy. You can both die as cowards.”

Harry steps closer, glowering at Draco. “Don’t you dare talk about Cedric like that.” 

Draco also steps closer, their foreheads almost touching each other as anger boils up within them. “Or what?” He shoves Harry back by the shoulders causing him to lose a bit of his balance but luckily enough Ron and Hermione were a few meters away to catch him in time.

Standing back up, he was about to lunge at Draco with his fists clenched up ready to land a punch but before he could, he was interrupted by shouting. 

“Hey Draco!”

Everyone turns around and sees you up behind Draco whose head wasn’t turned around in time. He didn’t get the chance to acknowledge who the person calling his name was as you punched him square in the face making him stumble back in pain and tripped on his feet, landing hard on his back. 

The rest stood there in horror and utter shock, their mouths slightly opened as their minds were trying to register what had just happened. Harry couldn’t believe it, you stood up for him. Were you watching the situation unfold?

Draco groans and looks up at you, pinching the sides of his nose bridge in an attempt to control his now bleeding nose. “What the fuck--”

“For your information blondie, Harry and Cedric aren’t cowards.” You slowly lean over Draco, peering down at him with narrowed eyes as you smirk. “And neither am I.” You wink and reached into your robes before throwing tissues at him, Draco watches them fall to the ground and your figure walks away, a pleased look on your face.

You make your way to the trio whose eyes were focused on you. You stand in front of Harry and hand him a potion. Harry, still speechless, stares at the unknown potion in his hands.

“It’s Murtlap Essence,” You lightly tap the sides of his hands that had his scab from last night. “Soak your hand with that, it’ll heal it.”

A warm smile appears on his face, the sides of his eyes crinkled making it more genuine. He was so thankful, he couldn’t seem to think of words to express his gratitude. For years, he was yearning for you to acknowledge his presence and the time finally came, better than what he expected it to turn out to be.

But his smile was enough for your heart to flutter and you started to notice his presence was stronger than ever before, you didn’t know why you hadn’t known him before but at least from now on; the image of his smile would burrow itself in your mind. This would be enough to want to know him more.

The two of you stare at each other for what seems like forever and the other two clear their throats, feeling awkward and unsure what to do or say. You and Harry switch back to reality and the realisation of staring at each other for a while makes you both flustered.

“Thank you Y/N, for everything. You didn’t need to punch Draco though,” Harry laughs and so did the rest of you.

You shake your head, “Nah, that pompous brat deserved it. I made sure to punch him hard so his father would hear about it.” You joked, giggling afterwards.

You faintly smile and point past the trio, indicating that you were going to take your leave. “I’ll see you soon Harry, yeah?” 

He nods and you stroll past him, but not even several meters away until Harry calls out for you: “Hogsmeade. This Saturday, would you come with--”

“Yes.”

You hastily answer back without stopping or glancing back but the both of you knew each one had supported an excited smile, both now looking forward to the date that was soon coming up.

As Harry watches your figure get smaller further down the hallways, he felt his admiration for you become extremely stronger. He saw you as his saviour, back then when he was young and vulnerable but managed to make his childhood happy despite the problems occurring in his household. He saw you as his saviour right now, where he is older and still vulnerable with the bullying and all, but once again, you made his life worthwhile; he didn’t have to worry as much anymore.

He has you by his side now, and he’ll do anything to protect you in return as an act of kindness. Just like what you did by defending him back then.

[martelldoran]

i have too grieved a heart (redux)

Fandom: HP Characters: Lily/Narcissa, Snape, James, Mary, Dorcas 

NSFW: no

Summary: After the incident at the lake, Lily realises that more than just her relationship with Severus Snape is doomed. She now must say goodbye to Narcissa.

Read on AO3

May 1976

Lily Evans was many things. She was a witch first and foremost, and currently – though not for very much longer – in her 5th year at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. She was a proud Gryffindor. She was muggleborn, the first witch in her family. She was a talented potion maker, often spending her free time down in the dungeons mixing her brews and revelling in the multicoloured fumes. She was a dab hand at her charm work and liked to summon little sparkling lights to brighten up her study spaces. She was a passionate friend. She was bright, loved nothing more than spending her afternoons listening to records in the sun, and adored being outdoors surrounded by nature. Yes, Lily Evans was many things.

But at that precise moment, on a sunny afternoon in May after having just sat her Defence Against the Dark Arts O.W.L, she was absolutely fucking furious.

“Evans!”

It was the bellowing voice of James Potter. He had not stayed to try and remove Severus’s underpants as he had said, instead choosing to charge after her. Reaching the steps to the main door with her breath rushing and chest tight, she didn’t pause.

But then a hand closed around her wrist.

She wrenched herself away. Her wand was lifted and a spell teetered on the edge of her snarling lips as she spun round.

“Do not touch me!”

The boy staggered back onto the grass, hands lifted with the palms facing her. His mouth was a small ‘o’ shape and his hazel eyes were wide.

“Okay, I won’t.”

Her wand did not lower and neither did his hands. White knuckle fury still beat through her.

“I’m sorry, Evans. I went too far. I always go too far,” he said, his voice was tight, restrained as he measured each word. “Not that it’ll make a difference but I’ll apologise to Snape too, though I think I burned that bridge a long time ago.”

This last part he added as an afterthought, saying it more to himself than her. He shifted from foot to foot before slowly lowering his hands. The normally perfectly tousled black hair had fallen flat and was falling into his eyes but he didn’t try to fix it. Instead he continued looking right at her. It made him look like a little boy again.

“I am sorry. Truly. I hope you can see that, Lily. If not now, then later.”

He had said his piece. With a stiff, defeated nod of the head, he turned and made his way back to the lake. The fury had lessened somewhat. She watched his retreating back for just a moment before beginning her ascent up the stairs once again.

Half way across the Entrance Hall he made himself known to her, calling her name. Somehow having detangled himself from the clutches of Sirius Black, he must have skulked in a bush until he’d seen James leaving. Severus Snape’s normally pale, sallow face was flushed and his eyes darted around the hall, never resting on her face for long.

It was as if she was seeing him for the first time. And she was repulsed.

“Lily,” he began, taking a step towards her.

She retreated and raised her wand once more.

“Stay away from me,” she growled, in no mood to hear his excuses.

She knew what he’d say. She was a vengeful, wrathful god, ready to smite down those who had wronged her. She was Artemis condemning Actaeon to die by the jaws of his own dogs.

“Lily, please, I’m sorry,” he pleaded. He had his hands up like James but he took another step towards her. “I didn’t mean it. It just slipped out.”

“And is that supposed to make me feel better?” she snapped, wand trained on his face. “How many times have I heard you say you’re not like them, Mulciber and Avery? Then heard you defend them in the same breath? You agree with what’s being said, don’t you, by the one they call the ‘Dark Lord’. Maybe not all of it but there’s something in there isn’t there, that calls to you.”

Severus, inching forward, shook his head vigorously, lank hair dancing on either side of his face.

“No!” he wailed. “I don’t, I don’t think that, Lily. You’re my friend.”

She wavered. He was her oldest friend. He’d introduced her to magic, told her she was special, been there for every rant and every time her sister rejected her. Emboldened by her indecision, he took yet another step towards her.

A warning shower of red sparks streamed from her wand and crackled at the boy’s feet. He yelped and jumped away.

“I told you. Stay. Back. I don’t want you anywhere near me.” Her voice rose, ringing in the empty Entrance Hall. It was deserted, everybody had surrendered themselves to the sunshine. She hardened herself. “I see it now Severus, you’re one of them or if you’re not, you want to be. You and that fucking chip on your shoulder.”

She gave a humourless laugh, staring him dead in the eye. Her rage had not cooled but she was steady, held up by steel and smouldering fire.

“You’ve made it clear where your loyalties lie. And let me tell you now, if we come across one another out there” -- she gestured vaguely around the Entrance Hall – “I will not hesitate to cut you down.”

At this, he lurched forward, a cry on his lips. He tried to reach for her.

‘Petrificus Totalus!’

The spell screamed within her mind hit him square in the face, freezing the boy’s pained expression to stone. He tumbled to the floor, landing frozen on his side. She was Medusa victorious

“I warned you. Come near me again and I won’t be so lenient.” In that moment with fire coursing through her veins, she meant every word of her threat.

Turning on her heel, Lily tore up the staircase. All in a rush, she could feel the weight of everything that had just happened come crashing down around her. Hot tears bulged in her eyes and a golf ball sized lump in her throat threatened to choke her. A bathroom, a bathroom was what she needed, somewhere nobody would disturb her. Without thinking she turned her course to the girls’ toilet on the second floor.

Bursting through the door with a loud, resonating bang, a painful, heavy sob wracked her body. She stumbled towards the nearest stall and locked herself in. Animalistic wails tore from her mouth and echoed off the tiled walls. It was like her grief had manifested into a physical form and was joining her for a macabre duet.

Hugging herself, she crumpled to the floor. With her back to the door, she leaned her head back against the wood and let the grief she felt come in waves. How had it come to this? All she’d wanted to do was help her friend and now here she was.

Lily had been called a Mudblood before. More times than she truly cared to count. But never had she imagined, even in her wildest dreams, that she’d hear that word come from the mouth of someone she considered her friend, let alone said with such venom.

Tears slid in a continuous stream down her flushed cheeks. They hung off the end of her chin and pooled in the hollows of her neck and collarbones. Slowly, a damp patch grew down the front of her robes but she paid it no mind. Lily was a raw, gaping wound and nothing else mattered but her pain. Her mind was a jumble. The scene by the lake replayed in a hideous loop. Then it was the argument in the Entrance Hall. Severus’s pained expression was seared onto the back of her eyelids and her words echoed in her ears.

How long did she sit there sobbing? She cried and she cried and then, when it seemed like she had no more tears left, she cried once again. Time had no meaning in that cramped toilet stall. It could have been seconds, it could have been days, she didn’t care. Noone would come in here and disturb her anyway. They would hear her howls, assume it was Moaning Myrtle off in one of her moods and steer well clear.

Eventually, however, she stilled and the tears dried up. There was a certain calmness to her now. With a dull realisation, she was unsurprised about Severus. Some dark part of her already knew that he was lost. He wanted to be the best, he always had. And if following this man got him what he wanted then so be it. He would do it.

Ever since they were children, there had been this urge to prove himself and to rise above everyone else. It came out when they raced across fields and threw stones into a lake. It came out during exams and every time there was a potion or poison to be brewed. Glory would be his one way or another.

“Lily? Lily, are you in here?” Dorcas Meadowes’s husky, mellow voice cut across her reverie. She hadn’t even heard the door open.

“Yeah, I’m here.” Her voice was thick and raspy with disuse.

“Will you come out? We’re worried about you.” She was closer now, right outside the door.

“I can’t. I never want to come out,” she moaned. Her face hurt. There was no need to look in a mirror to see how awful she looked, she could feel the swelling around her eyes and cheeks.

“Don’t say that, come on, open the door,” Dorcas reasoned, giving the handle a gentle shake.

When no answer came, there was a weary sigh and she murmured, “Alohamora.”

Lily shifted her weight off the door just enough so that she wouldn’t keel over when her friend opened it. Dorcas knelt next to her and put an arm around her shoulders. The redhead leaned in, the familiar scent of wood smoke and amber in her nose. Dorcas’ shirt was open at the collar - her blue Ravenclaw tie undone and hanging loose around her shoulders – exposing the dark skin of her throat.

“Let’s go.”

Not wasting any time, Dorcas pulled Lily up by her armpits and observed the damage. Her glittering black eyes skated over her from top to bottom. She pursed her full lips together and tsked loudly.

“Oh dear. You truly look awful, you know that,” she said, a sad but understanding smile on her face.

A sniffle and a half-hearted quirk of the lips was all the answer she received. With a sigh, Dorcas propelled her from the bathroom. Quick steps and a firm hand on the small of her back guided her through the corridors. They didn’t meet a soul, the castle was almost deserted. Through the fog clouding her brain, Lily registered this and was thankful. The last thing she wanted was for anyone to see her, a Prefect, like this.

“Oh, good heavens! Is everything alright Miss Evans?” It was the deep, plumy voice of the Fat Lady. She ignored the portrait’s question.

“Pygmy Puff,” she mumbled. Somehow, from somewhere, a new wave of tears rushed up and threatened to spill down her cheeks.

The portrait swung open but Lily didn’t move.

“Marlene is waiting for you, honey. Go on in,” murmured Dorcas, giving her a gentle push.

Silently, she climbed through the portrait hole, leaving Dorcas to make her way back to the Ravenclaw common room, and was immediately met by Marlene. She appeared in a whirlwind of blonde hair, ready to ferry Lily up to their dormitory. The common room was full, that much she knew, and she could tell that every single pair of eyes were trained on her as a heavy silence fell. But she was too tired to care. She wanted to go to bed.

“Is Remus here?” she rasped.

Marlene nodded and pointed to the cluster of armchairs by the fire where all four of the Marauders were staring at her. All but Peter Pettigrew were unnaturally still, caught in the spell of Lily’s dishevelled appearance. Peter couldn’t seem to stop himself from twitching, fidgeting with anything he could lay his chubby hands on.

In a daze, she approached the four boys. Although she could feel James’ eyes boring into her, taking in every single red blotch and the puffiness of her face, she refused to look at him. If she did then there was no way to stop the tears that were once more lingering right beneath the surface.

“Remus, I can’t do my rounds tonight. Can you cover?” Her voice was dead, a thick monotone that didn’t sound like her.

“Uh, yeah, yeah of course I can. Whatever you need.”

There was a slight pause before he asked, “What will I tell Cissa?”

But she had already turned away, Marlene her golden shadow.

“Whatever you want. I don’t care,” she sighed.

In that moment, she didn’t. She couldn’t bear to think of Narcissa, with her star bright eyes, gleaming hair and the purest of pureblood status. It hurt too much.

Never before had the walk up to her dorm seemed so long. Every step was an effort. It was like her bones had been replaced with lead and added weights had been strapped to her ankles and wrists for good measure.

The quiet of the dorm was a blessing. Not bothering to undress, Lily kicked off her shoes and collapsed into bed. Marlene perched on the edge. Her blue-grey eyes were stormy. Words pressed up against her lips, clamouring to be released but she kept her mouth shut tight. She simply stroked Lily’s hair, placed a gentle kiss on her forehead head, told her to get some sleep and bade her goodnight. With a flick of her wand the curtains to her four-poster shut, enclosing her in blessed darkness.

It didn’t take long for sleep to claim her.

When she awoke, the grey light of the pre-dawn leaked between the curtains of her bed and the familiar snuffles and even breathing of her roommates cradled her sleep addled mind. She was still in her robes from the day before, rumpled and creased. Her sleep though deep had clearly been plagued by ceaseless tossing and turning. Mouth dry and tasting stale, Lily sat up and pawed at her still puffy face. The damage of the day before a cruel mask she would have to wear for a few more hours yet.

Lily slid from bed as silently as she could, gathered her wash bag and towel, and slipped into the stone stairwell. Before the cold could seep from the flagstone through her socks to chill her feet, she flited upstairs to the wash room. Peeling off her soiled robes, she shivered as the cool air met slid over her bare skin.

The shower’s warm water was bliss. It beat the last of sleep’s cobwebs away, leaving her mind clear and focussed. Of course, all she could think about was the previous day’s events. If it hadn’t been clear to her before, it was now. For some witches and wizards, it didn’t matter what she did or who she became. It wouldn’t matter if she was the most powerful witch or the most talented. For those few people, she would be a Muggleborn before all else, a parasite siphoning off magic from those who they deemed needed, no, deserved it more.

Names flashed in her mind: Rodolphus Lestrange, Evan Rosier, and, of course, Bellatrix Black. Narcissa’s sister. Her sweet, darling Narcissa who she loved so dearly. Bellatrix’s name appeared in The Daily Prophet almost daily now. The young witch made no attempt to hide her name or her loyalties. The more chaos and misery she sowed the better. It was reported just yesterday that she was single-handedly responsible for over 80 muggle deaths and had seriously injured several muggleborn witches and wizards over the last few months. Details on the way she conducted her business were scant but gruesome. Torture was her art and her greatest pleasure. After all, what information could a muggle possibly give her? No, it was all a game.

As she pondered these thoughts, Lily scrubbed herself clean with care and precision. She dragged the sponge across her skin until she was pink and raw. A growing sense of dread grew in the pit of her stomach and settled there, rock hard and heavy. There was something she knew she had to do.

She couldn’t shake the feeling of dread for the rest of the morning. It was there while she dressed, and crowded her while she ate a solitary breakfast in the Great Hall. Her owl, Artemis, somehow knew she was there and brought her that morning’s copy of the Daily Prophet but she couldn’t bear to open it. She didn’t need to know about the latest terrors and growing anti-muggle sentiment that was growing in certain wizarding circles. Any other morning it wouldn’t be an issue, but after the previous afternoon’s excitement, she could live without it.

Th first of her friends to make their way to the Great Hall that morning was Mary MacDonald. Mary had not changed much in the five years she had known her. She was still small and slight and still wore her hair in a blunt bob with a heavy fringe that hung into her eyes. When she rose to meet her, the Hufflepuff embraced Lily without a word. They stood like that, intertwined, for several minutes.

“Yesterday was a bit shite, wasn’t it,” said Mary, stepping back from their hug.

Lily chuckled.

“That’s something of an understatement.”

Mary inclined her head and shrugged one shoulder.

“Look, I know that Severus has been your friend for a long time, but maybe it’ll do the two of you some good to have some distance? Let the dust settle. He can maybe get his priorities in order,” she offered.

Lily wasn’t so sure but she nodded anyway.

“I meant to ask,” she said, with the most unsubtle change of subject known to witchkind. “How did Dorcas find me?”

“Oh, well, we looked for a while but couldn’t find you so we asked Remus, who asked Sirius, who asked James and for some reason, he knew that you were in the bathrooms,” Mary explained. “I don’t know how he knew. He disappeared up into his dormitory and when he came back, he knew where you were.”

“Curiouser and curiouser,” Lily murmured, unable to work out how on earth James Potter could have worked out where she’d been hiding.

After a few more minutes, Lily left Mary in the Great Hall and hurried up to the owlery. She scratched out a quick note and sent Artemis out to find the addressee.

As she watched her owl swoop through the sky, she felt a tremor of trepidation through her body.

A rap on the door alerted Lily to her presence. She swept into the spare classroom with a flourish, her long, white blonde hair swishing as she twirled. Star bright eyes twinkled at her and a broad smile adorned her face. She was as brilliant as a winter’s day and just as beautiful. Lily’s heart wrenched and she longed to fall into her embrace, to lose herself to a thousand kisses.

Narcissa pulled her close before she could say a word. She cupped her face, one hand slipping through her hair, and kissed her deeply. Lily could feel her resolve weakening with every second. All too soon, Cissa pulled away with a coy smile.

“Hello darling.” Her voice was warm, an undercurrent of excitement running through her words.

Her head was cocked to the side and she ever so gently pushed a stray strand of hair away from Lily’s face. The redhead shifted out of the embrace needing to put space between them. If she felt her touch again then she knew any remaining resolve would leave her.

“We, uh, we need to talk,” Lily mumbled.

“Uh oh, that sounds ominous!” she laughed, her smile hadn’t faltered for even a second.

“This has to end.”

The words were out like a bullet train.

Narcissa let out a cold, humourless laugh.

“No. Don’t be ridiculous. This isn’t ending. Lily, come on, this is us,” she insisted, reaching to take her hands. But Lily avoided her touch.

Hurt flashed across Narcissa’s face. It was only for a second then a mask of cool collectedness covered it.

“Is this because of what happened at the lake?” she asked, very matter of fact. “Snape is an idiot. Mulciber and Avery are rubbing off on him.”

She was being dismissive. Of course she was. It was her go to defence mechanism.

“Well, yes. They are. That’s part of the problem. What he said, there are others who think that as well.”

“And they’re wrong.”

“Even when it’s the likes of your family saying it, Cissa?”

There was a beat where neither of them said anything.

“Oh, come on, Lily! Just because my family runs their mouths about Muggleborns and blood purity doesn’t mean I believe that nonsense.”

Lily wanted to stop this. She wanted forget about the lake, the war, and the man hellbent on securing pure blood supremacy but there was no turning back now. Even if she wished it with all her heart, she couldn’t go back to how it was before. If there had been such a thing as before.

“Bellatrix isn’t just running her mouth though is she. She’s killing people Cis. She’d kill me too.” The words faltered in her mouth, turning to ash.

She couldn’t keep looking at Narcissa. She shone too brightly.

The blonde shifted, stiffened.

“I wouldn’t let that happen.”

“Maybe. Maybe not. But you told me yourself what she did to Dromeda. Why wouldn’t she do the same to you?” Lily reasoned in a quiet voice. Her eyes were trained on the hem of her robes. “I don’t want to be the reason you get hurt. . . And I don’t want to get hurt.”

The pause was bloated, filling with unsaid words, waiting to burst open like a sore.

“That’s bullshit Lily and you know it. We could run away. I could protect you.”

“I know that you would try but your loyalty is to them, not to me, and I wouldn’t ask you to choose. But, I can’t be with you like this. Your family would never accept me, never accept us. It was always a fool’s game to think otherwise.”

“You know what, Lily, you could have been a Slytherin with that attitude,” Cissa snapped, lips pursed and jaw jutting.

“Yeah, well we both know why that didn’t happen.”

“There are Muggleborns in Slytherin!”

“Oh, and Elijah Robertson’s head just magically cracked itself open on the flagstone did it?”

Narcissa drew up short, whatever she was about to say died in her mouth. And whatever it was must have left a sour taste judging by the way her face twisted.

“N-nobody knows who did that.” She faltered, voice meek and unsure. It was an unsettling role to see her play.

“Yeah. Sure. But it’s an open secret. Everyone knows that it was Dolohov and his goons,” Lily scoffed. She could feel her ire beginning to rise, heart racing. Before she could argue any further, she added, “I’ve made up my mind. I can’t be with you anymore.”

With a huff, Narcissa slumped against a desk.

“I don’t want this to end.”

It was a whispered admission. Tears glimmered at the edges of her star-bright eyes and there was an almost imperceptible wobble to her bottom lip.

“I know. But it has to.”

Lily hated seeing her like this, hated the fact that it was her fault. She shifted, twisting her hands together. They sat in silence once more. There had been a seismic shift between them and now they stood on opposing sides of an endless ravine. There was nothing either of them could say that would bring the other back.

“So, that’s it,” murmured Narcissa. Her tears remained unshed and her light had dimmed. Their eyes met and Lily thought she saw the faint ghost of a smirk pulling at the corners of her mouth. “I don’t suppose I get one last kiss?”

There was no question. Pushing off the desk she had been leaning against, Lily closed the gap between them in two strides. The pull was as magnetic as it had always been. With gentle hands at her waist, she pulled the blonde girl into a standing position. The rich silk of her robes was slippery under her fingers; its familiarity calmed the fluttering of her pulse. The expensive perfume Narcissa so loved to wear tickled her nose as they drew closer.

Their lips brushed together like a sweet whisper. Again and again and again. They were all featherlight touches.

Until they weren’t.

They were a thunder storm breaking through a summer drought. Mouths hot and bruising, they drank each other up. Hands tangled in hair and grabbed at clothes; all Lily wanted to do was lose herself in this last fevered embrace. She gripped the girl tight, crushing her against her as if they might sink together and never be apart. Heart pounding and blood rushing in her ears, her mind was a tumultuous sea of everything Narcissa.

But, with time, as with all things, they slowed. Foreheads pressed together, still breathing each other, their eyes locked together. A pink flush had crept into the blonde’s cheeks and her lips were cherry red. They stayed that way until their breathing stilled and became even once more.

It was Narcissa that pulled away first, smoothing her hair and straightening her clothes. She now avoided Lily’s gaze, trying to compose herself.

Lily said nothing. What more could she say? Anything else would be an insult.

Cissa brushed and brushed and brushed down her robes but the wrinkles in the silvery silk would not disappear so easily. She paused, head bowed, and sighed. When she raised her chin once more her jaw was set and eyes tight, but that practised mask of cool collectedness was full of cracks.

“I will see you around, darling,” she said, squaring off her shoulders and drawing herself up to her full height.

With a flash of a smile and an airy wave of the hand, she spun on her heel and left. It was only as the door snicked shut that Lily allowed her tears to come. From some unknown reserve, the tears came and fell silently onto her cheeks. She had never felt more alone.

[jet-playin-around]

I really don’t remember if I had prompted you yet. But anyways, the prompt is “even time keeps us apart”! I really don’t know where you’ll be going with this because knowing you, you’ll be doing the exact opposite of what I expect :))))

Hi @nourixpotter! Thank you so much for the prompt! Also, wow! That was a wonderful compliment and a lot to live up to 😂 I hope this exceeds your expectations! ❤️

Even Time Keeps Us Apart

For centuries, the letters had been found in various places around Hogwarts. Some were kept, some thrown away, presumed to be misplaced love letters left for one another by students throughout the years. The majority were found in classrooms, but a good number found their way into the Gryffindor common room and dormitories. If one was paying any attention, they'd note that it was actually only one dormitory.

The Marauders found one, once, tucked into a gap in the mortar in a secret tunnel while they were making their map. James Potter kept it as a point of pride that he was not the first Potter to have found one of Hogwarts' many secrets. Unbeknownst to the merry band of ne'er-do-wells, Hogwarts was not the only location of this phenomenon.

Some years later, when The Order of the Phoenix took up residence within the walls of Number 12 Grimmauld Place, young Sirius Black came to Albus Dumbledore with a box he'd found in the attic of similar letters, all addressed the same; Dear Harry Potter, Love D.M. He told Dumbledore of the first letter they'd found, so long ago, and described how these letters had been found in Grimmauld Place for generations, tucked into nooks and crannies, hidden behind walls and under floorboards. His family had been collecting them for longer than any living person could remember.

Albus took the letters, studied them for useful information, then stored them away and continued fighting the war that occupied them all, keeping one Harry Potter—named for an assumed ancestor—ignorant as always.

Upon Dumbledore's death, the letters were taken, with a great many artifacts, into the ministry's custody to be studied. They posed a great enough mystery to be shuffled off to the Unspeakables, kept in the Hall of Mysteries until the day their mystery was assigned to the newest Unspeakable, Draco Malfoy.

Now, Draco poured over the letters, baffled by their very existence. He knew why he'd been assigned them—even Unspeakables held grudges against the Malfoys and taking the piss out of him was commonplace. To give him the task of combing through ancient love letters for some clue as to their origin was menial enough, but there was a running joke that he had written said love letters to Harry Potter, himself.

What he didn't understand was that it seemed to be true. The letters were written in his looping script, signed with his initials, and filled with the secrets of his life. It didn't take long for him to come to the conclusion that he had, indeed, written them—a conclusion he kept to himself. There was no need to feed their childish notions.

The letters told an intriguing story, one Draco dreaded the reality of. If the story was true, Draco would be flung into the past at some point in his future, reaching out desperately through time to reach the savior of the wizarding world.

But to what end?

If it was true, and he was trapped in time, what could Potter do? What would Potter do? He'd spoken for Draco at the Death Eater trials, but would he actually come to his rescue if he was lost in time? If he was reaching out with words of unrequited love?

Sometimes, when he read the letters in a particular way, he could imagine they weren't one-sided, that they were part of a conversation. There were references to conversations he had yet to have, sentences that read as if they were a reply to something unseen.

One day, as he was studying the letters, an unexpected visitor was permitted into the Hall of Mysteries. Draco glanced up from his work when a shadow fell across the table to find Harry Potter standing over him.

"Potter?" Draco asked, unsure for a moment if his obsession with the letters had conjured his likeness or if the man truly stood before him. "What are you doing here?"

"You left me a letter asking me to come," Potter replied, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

"A letter?" Draco shook himself, stood. "Did you bring it with you?"

"Er, yeah," he said, scrubbing a hand through his hair. "I wanted to ask you about it; it didn't make any sense." He took a folded, yellowed bit of parchment from his pocket and passed it to Draco. "How did you know I'd pull that book from the archives?"

Draco had an idea, but his life and career had trained him to keep it to himself. Scanning the letter, he frowned. "You find this letter and all you can ask is how I knew where to put it?" he asked.

"Well, no. I had more questions. Like what's about to happen? And why, after years of barely ever seeing each other, you're suddenly worried about not seeing me for an unknown amount of time?"

"I don't know how long I'll be gone," Draco muttered to himself. "This is the first letter… It's about to happen."

"What? What's about to happen?"

Looking up from the letter, Draco stared. This was the last time he'd see Potter for Merlin knew how long, he thought. Almost without realising it, he began to study his face, making mental notes of the colour of his eyes, the wild curl of his hair, the deepening lines of his face. All of which he already knew like the back of his hand, all of which he'd already loved for decades.

He thought of telling him so, if this was to be his last chance, but his nerve failed him. Instead, he folded the letter, along with those still sprawled across the tabletop, and placed each carefully back into the box with the rest. Without giving himself a chance to second guess, he lifted the box and handed it to Harry.

"These are yours. I believe many have been irrevocably lost, but there are still plenty and you should have them."

Harry glanced down at the box, then back up. "What are you talking about? They're mine?"

"They're addressed to you, yes. You should take them. Read them. I'm sorry, I have to go."

While Harry began thumbing through the neatly lined parchment, Draco gathered his robes from the back of his chair and left the Hall. He didn't know how long he had, or how long he'd be gone, but he needed to see to a few things. Contingencies he'd put in place when he realised what the letters meant needed to be checked, updated to ensure they would do what they were designed to do.

Turning back for a brief moment, Draco watched him read the first letter. "Goodbye Harry," he murmured, then he was gone.

[messrmoonyy]

really, really random but do you think you could write a shot of half blood prince tonks on christmas alone and she puts on the record player and dances to christmas music? (i know this is very specific ahaha)

I lovveeed this request so much! Thank you for sending it. I did write the whole thing and then re read the prompt and see if kinda strayed away from the prompt slightly, you asked for record player, so she does actually use a cassette player but I still hope you enjoy it!

As always request are open! Drop me an ask!

Check my Masterlist too!

Pairing: Remus lupin x Nymphadora Tonks ( only mentions of Remus. He does not appear )

Warnings: none. Just a very mopey Nymphadora

Tonks had never been one to take love all that seriously. In fact she’d thrown the word around almost carelessly, never really taking to its true weight and meaning. Falling in love with more people that she could count now. A ravenclaw girl in third year, a slytherin one in fourth, two different hufflepuff boys in Fifth and countless other short lived romances since. But when she looked back now she realised they weren’t really love at all. Because they hadn’t felt like she did now. When she thought of him. Remus.

It caused an ache in her chest, so deep it physically pained her. She knew that nothing else could hurt her as badly as this, only love. She hadn’t even meant to fall for him, she hadn’t planned to. He was wildly interesting and not to bad on the eye either, but she hadn’t being trying. It had just… happened. Friendly conversation became friendly touches. Friendly touches became late nights snuggled in the library by the fire. Which had become hand holding. Which had become kisses. And now… it had become heartbreak.

The argument they had had before he’d announced his departure had been a brutal one. She guessed it didn’t help that emotions were already running far too high with everything happening around them. She’d shouted. He’d shouted right back. He’d told her nothing she would say would ever change his mind and he was leaving. It was duty. His role in the war effort. To put his life as at risk as ever and plant himself in a werewolf camp for months on end. It’d ruin him, she knew it would. He’d told her about it from the first war, how much he hated it. How much it made him feel like an animal. Feral. Inhuman.

But she’d told him to go. Shouted at him and told him to get out of her sight, to go if that’s what he truly wanted. To never come back to her again.

She regretted that now. Of course she did. She wanted nothing more than to leave her parents house and turn up at Grimmauld place, drink tea and hot chocolate with him in the library, dance around to Sirius’ old records and talk about everything and nothing until the sun came up. But of course she couldn’t. Because he was gone.

To make everything truly worse, as another blinding hot blade to her chest, she couldn’t even turn to Sirius about it. Because he was gone too. And he really was never coming back. The loss of Sirius and her still healing injury from Bellatrix had knocked her down already, Remus leaving had just been the final kick. And it had all taken its toll.

She couldnt morph. Not a single fingernail would change the way she wanted. Thankfully for her she’d never really been one for tweaking her face dramatically , like she knew some with her powers did. But she felt lost without her bright hair, the tiny little tweaks to her nose and cheeks. She didn’t recognise herself anymore. She didn’t understand the face of the woman that looked back at her in the mirror, all limp dark hair and hollow cheeks. She wanted to blame him. Wanted to use it as some way to make her hate him. Forget him. So at least she couldn’t be relieved of at least one burden of pain, leave her with one less knife in her heart. But she couldn’t. No matter how hard she tried to.

“ You gonna come down love? Your mums made you some dinner. Even got some apple crumble for pud. Yeah? Try eat a bit for us? “ her dad appeared at her old bedrooms door, knocking slightly as he spoke. It had felt odd being back at her parents house again for Christmas, she’d hadn’t visited in longer than she wanted to admit. Work ask the order had been running her to exhaustion everyday. She’d hoped being back home would bring her some comfort. Being around her childhood things. But it hadn’t really been working so far.

Her mum kept silently crying to herself over Sirius, every now and then she’d look over at her and see tears streaming over her cheeks as she cleaned or cooked. Misery just seemed to follow her whether she went now.

“ Dora love? “ she turned around when he’d dad spoke again and forced a small smile onto her face.

“ yeah. Be down in a minute… save me a piece of crumble “ Ted gave her a sympathetic smile and quietly left her. One thing she loved about her dad was he knew when she didn’t want to talk, and left her alone when she needed it. Andromeda was one to fuss.

She took a deep breath and made her way out of the room and downstairs, knowing Andromeda would only send Ted back up if she didn’t surface within a few minutes. They were both sat at the table when she walked into the dining room, her father looking up with a cheerful smile.

“ here she is! C’mon petal before it gets cold “ Andromeda’s eyes were bloodshot as was the norm nowadays, she’d tried she her best to hide the fact she’d been crying. But there were still tracks in the makeup on her cheeks.

The entire house had been decorated for Christmas and she thought the fairy lights and the tinsel should be cheering her up. But she found it wasn’t. Even her dads cheesy Christmas jumpers weren’t making her crack her smile.

Dinner was painfully silent for the most part. Ted occasionally tried to get both women to talk about something but conversation constantly fell flat. She looked at her parents as he silently tried to coax Andromeda to talk, holding her hand under the table and looking at her with the same amount of pure love he always had done.

Tonks had always wanted a relationship like theres. And she thought she’d been getting there. Remus had looked at her like that. Gazing at her when he thought she wasnt paying attention to him. Sharing his mug of tea with her at order meetings, waiting up for her if she had a late shift at the ministry, making sure she had something to eat before she slept. Little things. Small ways he told her he felt the same as she did.

Until he’d thrown it all back in her face.

When Andromeda cleared their plates and went to fetch dessert, Ted too disappeared of a moment only to return with his hand behind his back and a grin.

“ look what I found today love. Remember this aye? “ he held his hand out with a proud look on his face. It was a cassette. One he’d made up for her himself when she was little. She’d always been fascinated with muggle things and she still had the cassette player buried up in her room somewhere “ your Christmas one! Fitting “ she took with the first genuine smile she’d mustered in a while.

“ thanks dad. It’s Brilliant honestly “ he sat back down again when crumble was served but his proud smile didn’t drop.

After dinner she made her way back up to her room with a muttered excuse of being tired and locked herself in. The cassette tucked into the pocket of her jeans. She rummaged around the various boxes of junk in her room until she found the player and pulled out the tape. She smiled slightly when she found the tape wonkily labeled ‘ Doras muggle Xmas songs ‘ , putting it into the player and waiting for it to play.

The first beats of ‘last Christmas’ started playing and she practically felt her hurt slipping away from her shoulders. She turned the volume up, the headphones now blasting the voice of George Michael into her ears and she forgot about her troubles for a while.

She danced around with the first full genuine smile she had in weeks on her face, every song that played transporting her back to some memory from her childhood. Even the slower ones had her smiling, waltzing with herself around her room. until the tape came to an end with silent night. She stopped dancing and the smile dropped as the almost hauntingly beautiful song played. She’d danced with Remus to the very song on that first Christmas of her being in the order.

She’d turned up at Grimmauld place on Boxing Day, on Sirius’ invitation that the three of them could have their own Christmas celebration but Sirius had still been black out drunk from the clearly heavy night before. So she’d spent the majority of the day with Remus, hiding away from the kids. Drinking, dancing and even singing when Sirius had joined them later to get drunk again.

Her moment of happiness had faded to pure nothingness and she pulled off the headphones, tossing the cassette player onto her bed. If she focussed hard enough she could hear Sirius laughing still, picture Remus’ face as he tried to look unimpressed by one of Sirius’ filthy jokes- and failing miserably. Or feel Remus’ arm around her shoulders, his lips on her temple. The purely joyful atmosphere where just the three of them could be happy, Remus not worrying about people thoughts on him showing affection to her because Sirius didn’t care.

She found her feet moving then at their own accord, out of her room and creeping past her parents bedroom, down the stairs and out the door. She jogged down the garden path and past the wards protecting the house, apparating the second she was out.

She turned up on the top step of number 12. She really shouldn’t be there. She knew she should just go back to her parents. It wasn’t safe. But her hands reacted on their own and she opened the door. It was quiet inside. The quietest she’d ever heard it. Now Sirius laughing- or snoring. No kids charging around and pestering Kreacher. No mad-eye stomping along the hall.

Her feet led her into the library and she felt tears brewing in her eyes. She wanted to see Sirius blacked out on the sofa, Remus sat writing up a report at the desk, a fire crackling away. But neither were there. And the fireplace only held charred wood. The ache in her chest made her breathless, the deep burning pain of missing a dead man and one that might as well be.

She’d never felt so alone. Never had such a overwhelming feeling of loneliness that it made she’d weak in the knees. She could picture Remus at the desk, the way his brow furrowed when he concentrated, or how his cheeks flushed when she’d sneak up behind him and wrap her arms around his neck. The countless nights they’d fallen asleep on the sofa, danced, kissed, laughed.

But now it was just an empty room. In an empty house. No laughter. No dancing. No Remus.

She wanted to be back in that library when it was full of life. When Sirius was alive. And Remus was by her side. But it was never to be again.

Sirius was dead. And Remus was gone. And she wasn’t sure he’d ever come back.

[la-fille-en-aiguilles]

His Father’s Son

Young!Sirius Black x Female Reader & NotSoYoung!Sirius Black x Female Reader

Request: Idk if requests are open or anything but can you write Sirius has a Slytherin son that's the twins age and hates him because Sirius likes Harry better

A/N: This awesome anon has sent me this mind-blowing request about Sirius. When I read it this morning I went Holy cow, how do I write THAT?! And honestly I even considered dropping it because I had no idea what to do with it. But then I went on a run, and it just came to me. I typed away, and this is what came out. Dear Anon, I’m not quite sure if this is what you had in mind. I hope the story doesn’t disappoint you. 

Synopsis: After the tragic events in the Hall of Prophecy in the Ministry of Magic, Alastair Black, Sirius’ only son, comes banging on the doors of his father’s ancestral home. What awaits for him there is his father’s friend Y/N, and her version of the past events might just make him question everything he thought he knew. 

WARNINGS: mentions of death, suffering, ANGSTY AF (I don’t know what happened to me there).

I hope you enjoy!  

The Beautiful & Damned will be back with a new chapter tomorrow! 

The night is solemnly silent, save for the roaring of the rain, assaulting the roof of the old, moaning house. Fists and jaw clenched tight, his eyes are fixed on the only glowing window, yellowed by time. Wet strands of hair cling to his burning front, and cold water is a blessing, hitting every inch of his skin, hammering the pain deeper and deeper inside of him, so no one sees. 

He’s weightless as his feet take him to the heavy doors - the doors he thought he’d never enter again. Inhaling frantically, he crashes both of his fists against the polished wood, the loud bang awakening something he long since locked in his rattling cage of a chest. 

The moment the sound reaches his ears, there’s is no stopping the rage that’s finally set free, painting his vision red. He hits the door again and again, bashing his fists in, until his hands go black and blue. The rambling in his head is getting louder, the shaking in his bones grows stronger, and the only way to stop it is to finally do it - blow the bloody doors of that piece of shit of a house, where he has never felt at home. 

He barely realises it when the doors slam open in his face, bright yellow light blinding him. Falling on his knees, his maimed hands covering his swollen eyes, he lets someone soft and warm wrap their hands around him. They don’t speak, and he doesn’t either, contenting himself with relishing the comfort of their touch. 

When his sensitive eyes adjust to light, he sees the empty corridors ahead, bathing in the welcoming glow. Dust floats in the musk-scented air, its playful light-stained thin whirls inviting him in. 

Hot tears welling up in his eyes, he tangles his sore fingers in Y/N hair, clinging to her fragile frame. She smells like Neroli and always, and her smell, coupled with the sight before his eyes, is enough for him to finally let go. 

“He’s dead!” the cry tears his insides apart, popping his veins open. “He’s dead! Sirius is dead!…”

She rocks him softly in place, littering his raven-black hair with chaotic kisses, her own cheeks glistening in the light of a full yellow moon. 

---

“Would you like something to drink, Alastair?” 

He blinks rapidly, his eyes sore and dry, his stare completely vacant. Y/N’s heart clenches, and she forces herself to go on:

“I still have a bit of coffee left… It’s either that or firewhiskey”, she drops into the chair across from the young Black, slamming a half-empty bottle of amber liquid against the table’s surface. “Pick your poison.”

Rubbing his nose with the back of a hand, Alastair quickly motions towards the bottle, and folds his hands in front of him. In booming silence, Y/N serves him a splash of the burning liquid and pushes the glass in his direction. His bleeding long fingers wrap around it as he downs the alcohol in one go, throwing his head back. 

Y/N watches him closely, as spider-web cracks on her porcelain heart become more and more prominent. In the dim lights of the Grimmauld place, Alastair looks so much like Sirius: he’s all bruises and blood, his beautiful stormy eyes dark grey, almost black, his jaw tense and his cheekbones sharp enough to cut her skin and bleed her dry. She crashes an unwanted whimper in its wake, as Sirius’ son raises his foggy orbs to look at her with a desperation of a man catching at straws, drowning in a bottomless river. 

“I’m sorry,” he says, his pale lips barely moving. “I didn’t want to wake you…”

“I wasn’t asleep,” Y/N interrupts, gazing at him, her eyelids each weighting a ton. “I was waiting for you. I was hoping you’d show”. 

Alastair nods, avoiding her gentle eyes. Fetching the bottle, he serves himself another drink, and noticing an empty glass a little further away, splashes a generous amount of alcohol inside, wetting its walls. Leaning over the table, he puts the glass in front of Y/N, still refusing to look her in the eyes. 

“It’s not like everything changed or anything”, he lets out, his fingers fidgeting with the rim of his glass. “He was long dead to me before that bitch actually Avada Kedavra’d him”, his nonchalance is a thought out act. Whiskey wets his lips. “He never loved me. He never loved anybody but his precious Harry fucking Potter.”

“Alastair…” Y/N gives her dissent a muffled try. “You know it isn’t…”

“Oh it is the truth, Y/N, so don’t waste your breath”, he chuckles bitterly, missing the rage already. Bitterness is worse than anger, because it lasts. “From the moment I was born, he didn’t want me. He blamed me for my mother’s death. All I wanted,” his voice trembled, but Alastair quickly got a hold of himself. “All I wanted was a fucking chance. I wasn’t given any. He abandoned me. He preferred to surrender and go to Azkaban for the crime he didn’t commit, than stay and fight and be a fucking father. And when he came out, he wanted nothing to do with me. Doesn’t come as a surprise, really - I am not a Potter, after all!” thunder flashed in his tempestuous irises. “I made peace with my orphanage, a very long time ago. I’m glad the Weasleys were able to see past my green and silver uniform…”

The lights in the room went out with a loud shattering sound, the glass from overhead lamps clattering on the floor. Alastair froze mid-sentence, Y/N rugged breathing echoing in the dark space. 

“You have no fucking idea what you’re talking about, Alastair”, Y/N’s struggles through the sentence, her last effort spent on controlling her temper. “I’m going to fetch a candle and we are going to talk”, young Black hears the shuffling as she gets on her feet. “Well, I am going to talk, and you are going to listen, because I’ve got plenty to say”, having said that, she makes her way to the kitchen counter. 

Minutes later, a bright yellow-and-orange flame flickers in the dark, casting long shadows on the walls of the room. Darkness clusters around the two of them, and the whole world is put on hold. 

---

“…What you have to understand, Alastair, is that those were dark, hopeless times. With those who made it through alive, we prayed that no witch or wizard had to go what we went through. 

The war makes you think differently; the constant state of fear and knowing that each minute could be your last changes the way you look at things; it turns your entire world upside down. 

At first, just like you’re doing right now in regards to your father’s behaviour, we were looking for reasons. It took us thousands of lost lives to finally learn the truth - not everything had a reason - a rational commonsensical cause that comes from the faculty of the mind to distinguish good from evil and right from wrong. Merlin knows, Death Eaters had no reason to act like monsters. Merlin knows, Death Eaters had no reason to line up into a battalion, to aim their wands at other wizards’ chests and to yell an unforgivable curse at the top of their lungs. What they did have was command, and enough fear to obey.

Fear was living among us, following us everywhere we went. Fear turned some of the best of us into cold-blooded murderers, and it was hard to always focus on that fateful yet blurry line that separated us from Voldemort’s sidekicks. What I want you to understand is that fear pushed us towards choices we would have never otherwise made. Fear was what pushed James and Lily into the Godric’s Hollow, far away from their friends and family - I keep asking myself what would have happened if they’d stayed. Would we have stood a chance against Voldemort, as a strong, united front, together? Would they have still been alive?… Maybe, fear was what truly killed them both. 

Sirius always wanted to do what was right. But at some point, fear changed your father’s perception of right, and we - I - was in no position to argue, because I didn’t know what right was anymore, either. 

We were mourning your mother, Marlene, each in our own way. Voldemort wiped out her entire family, and if he didn’t touch you, it surely wasn’t out of the fucking goodness of his heart. Riddle did not know you existed, Alastair. Only a handful of wizards knew Sirius and Marlene were so in love, they wanted a kid, a ray of light amidst all that darkness. I knew. So did Molly. James and Lily knew too, of course. Remus and Peter - thank Merlin, Peter did not know!… Thinking about it now, I still can’t believe we didn’t see it coming, we didn’t kill him while we still had a chance, while the damage still hadn’t been done!…

You were four years old when wizards from the Ministry came for your father. I remember it clear as day, but what price wouldn’t I pay to forget. Sirius was tired of running. His thoughts were eating him alive. What kind of start in life was he offering you, his son? Days prior to his arrest, he told me, “You know what to do, Y/N”, and he squeezed my hand, ever so lightly… 

A notorious runaway murderer, he couldn’t send you to Hogwarts without surrendering. Upon learning that you, Alastair Black, were Sirius’ son, the Ministry would have kept you hostage to lure him out. He refused to drag you down with him, no matter how much it’d cost him… 

I left our hiding place with you under my robes hours before the Ministry came. I saw them burning the place to the ground, and every last memory of your mother with it… 

I was a mess by the time I arrived at the Burrow. Molly and Arthur kept asking me what happened, what was wrong… I couldn’t form words. I choked on them. You have to understand, Alastair, I watched as my best friend, the man I respected and loved more than anything in the world, was taken to Azkaban for the crime he didn’t commit. I finally had him, and I lost him, because I made a mistake. I should have never agreed to put my trust in Peter, I had a gut feeling about him, even back when we were at school!… I was disappointed in the entire world and I blamed myself. 

Molly and Arthur took you in as if you were one of their own. I watched you grow, and I was proud of the young man you were becoming, taking so much after your father! Watching you become  your father’s son was killing me slowly, while I still mourned the person who wasn’t even dead. A brilliant young wizard, be it a little on the troublemaker side, you, Fred and George might as well have been the new Marauders, carrying on your father’s legacy unbeknownst to you. 

Each time I came over to Molly’s over the holidays, I cried my eyes out upon returning here, in this very kitchen - Merlin, you were just like him!… At war with his true family. Just like Sirius before you, you hated everything that the Black family represented, and you weren’t shy to express your feelings - a very rebel-like move for a Slytherin, some said. Dressed in greens and silvers, you were the spitting image of the man I loved in every little line littering your face, too early for your age.

Why didn’t you take me in, then, you probably wonder. With me loving your father so much and all, I should have been the first in line to take care of you. The truth was, I couldn’t. The day your father had been taken, I swore to myself I’d find Peter Pettigrew, and I’ll make him confess,  before he takes Sirius’ place in Azkaban. I spent years on the move, blinded by my desire for revenge, while Peter….He was always right there, right in front of our noses. 

Every time I saw you at the Burrow, your smile never reached your eyes. So many questions were swimming in their stormy oceans, unanswered. You wanted the truth, and I was the only person who was able to give it to you. Yet I couldn’t. As much as it killed me, you were better off hating you father. Should I have told you the truth - just how much he loved you, and that he was innocent - it could backfire in the most unpredictable way. So I remained silent, and there were desperate times when I thought I’d carry Padfoot’s secrets to my grave. 

When Sirius got out, and the truth broke free with him, it took a while for it to settle in, even among the members of the Order. I can’t imagine what it must have felt like, learning that your father was innocent this entire time, that you were never the son of a murderer, but of a man wrongfully committed to Azkaban. When the news finally reached me, I dropped everything and set out for the Burrow: this time, I was going to give you all the answers you needed to hear, before you were to reunite with your father. 

I apparated at Grimmauld’s place at quarter past midnight, I remember very well. Not a single window was alight. I entered the house I almost learned to hate, for everything reminded me of you father here, cutting me open. I made my way to the kitchen. Something didn’t feel right, the atmosphere had shifted, it was almost like the house could breathe again. 

The moment I saw your father sitting in the very chair you are occupying, my legs failed me. I broke down on my knees, sobbing uncontrollably, like a little girl. Your father put your arms around me, placing feverish kisses all over my face, telling me that it was going to be okay now. He was back. 

We talked the night away, until the dawn coloured the sky light pink. He wanted to know everything about you - what kind of person you’d become, what you loved, what made you tick, what subjects at Hogwarts were your favourite… I watched a mischievous smile bloom on his chapped lips as I mentioned that your animagus form was a husky. He laughed out loud when I told him you were exceptionally good at blowing up school toilets. He cleared his throat, hiding his tears of joy when he learned you were proud to be a Slytherin, because it “came to show that not all Slytherins were Death Eaters in the making”. I swear I saw Padfoot come back to life that night, familiar fire melting the deadly coldness in his eyes away. 

We arranged for the old members of the Order to come to the Grimmauld place in the evening; I asked Molly to tell you to come too. Sirius was anxious the entire day. He couldn’t sleep and he couldn’t eat, threatening to go see you, claiming he had waited enough. Coming out there, even as a dog, was still dangerous, so I talked him down, time and again. 

I will never forget the tears rolling down his cheeks when he saw you, after all these years… When he held you in his arms… My heart stopped at the sight. Having seen his eyes, having felt his chest against your own that night, how dare you say your father never loved you, Alastair?… You were the only thing that mattered to him, the only thing that kept him going… Even if he was forced not to show it. 

That’s right, you heard me. The moment the members of the Order sat down at this table that night, we knew: many more meetings would follow. I’d been places and I’d seen things - there was no doubt left in my mind that Voldemort was planning his big return, his servants and all these creatures who worshipped him restless. We all knew the danger was coming, but we didn’t know from where exactly.  

Dumbledore and Sirius stepped into the hall after the meeting; they talked long enough for me to start to worry. When Sirius returned to the kitchen, we were still sitting at this table, do you remember?… A bright smile lit up your features as you asked your father if you could stay with him for the remainder of the summer. His answer was short and cold, and shook me to the core. He didn’t even say goodbye when you left for Burrow with Molly and Arthur. 

I was furious. I waited till we were left alone in the house to confront him. I came off a little stronger than I intended, reminding him that you were his son, for Merlin’s sake, and calling him heartless. Tears glimmered in his bloodshot eyes as he told me he was doing what was best for you. It was too dangerous for you to be close to him - he was still considered a murderer by the Ministry, only now the other side of the looming war wanted him dead as well. Being his son alone had already put you in danger; being a devoted, loving son would have surely killed you. I tried to talk some sense into him - he was making the same damn mistake we let James and Lily commit back in the day - he was yielding to fear. 

Please understand, Alastair, this wasn’t my decision to make. I wasn’t your mother. I was nobody really, and that’s exactly what your father told me, point blank. I stared at him in disbelief for what felt like an eternity, before I disappeared into thin air, apparating back to my place in London.  

I watched you grow bitter, while the skies above our heads grew darker with every single day. I tried to talk to you, to justify your father’s behaviour in your eyes, but you wouldn’t listen. I forced Remus, the only close friend I had left, to try and open your father’s eyes, Merlin knows, he’d been good at it when we were back at Hogwarts. Sirius wouldn’t budge, either. Like father, like son. 

I know you were jealous of Harry, I could see it just by looking at your face, don’t try to deny it. All because Sirius was treating him like a friend. What he saw, looking at Harry, was James. An equal, capable of fighting - not the most valuable thing in the world that needed to be protected at all costs. You were the quintessential reason he survived Azkaban. You were the only force that made him go out and fight, every single day. You weren’t just you in his eyes - you were the promise of the happy future he had to deserve by avenging your poor mother. I think he punished himself in a way all this time, he blamed himself for not having been there for the mother of his child when she needed him most. He blamed himself for leaving you. Under the weight of all this guilt and fear, your father got lost… And I wasn’t there to fight for him, to show him the way.

He came to see me… He came to see me a week ago, right before that night at the Ministry”. 

Y/N no longer looks at Alastair - her gaze is lost in the darkness of the hall, as tears roll down her cheeks. 

“…And I didn’t let him in.”

With his vision blurry, Alastair bites on his lips, his chest heaving. He is drowning in all-consuming pain, and no one’s here to save him. This must be what his father felt like. In agony and all alone. 

“There’s not a minute that goes by that I don’t think about him,” Y/N rubs her eyes with the heels of her hands. “I know I could have saved him,” her voice cracks, and her entire body shudders. “Had I loved him a little less, just a tad less to forgive him for the hurt he had caused me, I could have saved him. I could have gone to the Ministry that night instead of him, I could have convinced him to stay here, with you, for he had so much to lose…” Alastair’s eyes meet hers - not a flicker of the flame is reflecting in their irises. He gets the feeling his are the same, void and dark, like his name. 

“I could have saved him,” he says, covering Y/N’s hand with his, squeezing it ever so lightly. “Had I loved him at his worse, when he needed me most”. 

Silence is a scary sound as it closes in on them - on a heartbroken woman with tear-stained cheeks who loved too much, and on the orphan with blood-shot, thunderous grey eyes who did not love enough. 

[oswaldsirius]

Christmas Tradition

Summary: The holidays are all about traditions, new and old.

Pairing/Characters: Sirius Oswald/Celeste Morreaux

Word Count: 1767

Warnings: None

A/N: Merry Christmas! I know I’ve posted a lot of things today but I was feeling festive and the next two weeks are going to murder me work wise so I needed to get my writing out now!

            Glancing over at Celeste as she made a quiet noise, Sirius smiled as he saw her holding up the nightgown. “I should have told you,” he murmured, drawing her gaze. “It’s a family tradition.”

           “To give nightclothes on Christmas Eve?” she asked, a puzzled frown on her face.

           He shrugged. “It’s carried over from when we were little,” he explained. “To keep the five of us quiet since we always wanted to open something, my parents would do this every year. It let us open a present without actually opening any proper presents. It worked…surprisingly well.” He’d never stopped to think about how well their parents had played them with that decision, but he could appreciate it now.

           The frown melted into a smile. “The five of you are a handful now, but I can imagine how bad you were as children.”

           Sirius coughed, looking away from her even as he felt his cheeks grow hot. He didn’t know how his grandmother managed to tell Celeste a new, embarrassing story from his childhood every time they saw each other, but she’d done it again. And left his little fiancée nearly in tears from how hard she’d been laughing. “I loved Christmas,” he muttered.

           “Loved?” she echoed.

           He’d never truly grown out of it, but being in the army, separating himself from his family, had changed it for him. Or so he’d thought. This year was showing him that nothing had really changed. “I still love it.”

           Celeste hummed softly and he looked back at her. Really looked at her this time. She was tired, he could see it on her face, but he was proud of her for making it through the day with his family. They’d agreed to split the holiday, Christmas Eve and morning with his family then back to the barracks for dinner and presents with the army. But the whole of his family had decided to come this year-aunts, uncles and cousins all piling into the main house on the farm and he knew why. It wasn’t like it was a secret that he’d gone to the Land of Reason to bring her back earlier this year and word had spread through the family. So they had all wanted to meet her which meant everyone had been focused on her.

           Rounding the bed, he gently pulled her into his arms. “You did well today,” he said quietly.

           She smiled up at him, the edges of it strained. “If you say so.”

           “You did,” he insisted. His immediate family was well aware of how uncomfortable she was in larger crowds and his family as a whole was a crowd and a half. His siblings had helped him keep an eye on her, sneaking her out of the main rooms to do various tasks or shuffling her closer to him to give her a break. But she hadn’t taken as many as he’d expected. He didn’t know if it was because she hadn’t been as overwhelmed or if she was pushing herself more than she needed to. He suspected it was the latter and that was the main reason he had decided they should turn in early.

           Which had led to the rush of opening the presents before they’d gone upstairs and no time to properly explain it.

           “There’s just so many of them,” Celeste muttered. “How is your family so big?”

           He kissed the top of her head, smiling to himself. “It just is,” he said simply. It was normal to him; the constant presence of someone else, the noise that came with a large family, the knowledge that you were never really alone. All of it was normal and it was strange to him when that wasn’t there. But…he could admit that his family was larger than most and was a bit much when you weren’t used to it.

           She sighed and leaned back from him with a better smile. “We should get ready for bed. Tomorrow is going to be an even longer day.”

           It was but he didn’t really want to turn in quite yet. He’d barely had any time with her today that hadn’t been the small breaks from his family. He knew it was going to be that way whenever there was a celebration, but he was going to make time for just them. “I have something for you,” he said, slipping out of her embrace to move over to where their bags were.

           “Sirius, I thought we agreed!”

           Only two presents, one here and one at the barracks. That had been the agreement and it was one he hadn’t liked. He’d missed last Christmas with her, missed her birthday as well, and he’d wanted to make up for lost time. He’d managed to on her birthday, but he was fairly sure it was that spoiling that had made her put her foot down about Christmas. “If it makes you feel better, it’s for us both,” he said, pulling out the parcel that hadn’t been easy to hide from her when they’d been packing to stay here.

           She was giving him a look as he came back to her, caught somewhere between wanting to scold and curiosity. “You’re horrible,” she murmured, taking it from him when he held it out.

           He wanted her to be happy and he loved the way her face lit up when he gave her a surprise. Watching as she carefully pulled the paper away, Sirius smiled when her eyes widened and she gasped. “Merry Christmas, Cherry.”

           “You said it was sold out!” she protested, her gaze jerking up to him. “You lied!”

           “I did not,” he scoffed. “It is sold out. I just happened to buy it before then.”

           Celeste sputtered a little and then more when he stole a quick kiss from her. “Sirius!”

           He couldn’t help his laugh and he plucked the book from her hands. “Get changed, Cherry,” he said. “We’ll tuck in and read a chapter or two before you fall asleep.”

           Her shoulders slumped a little. “I wish you wouldn’t say it like that,” she said softly but she turned to the bed to scoop up both of their new nightclothes.

           Sirius pursed his lips as she crossed the room to the dressing screen. It was a habit. He was used to his insomnia, no matter how much he wished it wasn’t there. He’d managed with it before, but having her in his life, all it did was frustrate him now. He didn’t want to lay awake beside her while she slumbered or leave the bed because he didn’t want to wake her. He wanted to sleep beside her, as deeply as she did. But wanting had nothing to do with changing it.

           While she changed, he turned back the covers and set the book on the side table. Being with his family was exhausting in its own right so there was a chance he might sleep a little tonight. He would need at least some rest before tomorrow came.

           “Your turn,” Celeste said softly.

           He twisted to look at her, his immedaite smile fading as he saw her. “Celeste.”

           She flushed a little but didn’t say anything as she hurried to her side of the bed.

           He watched her, frozen to the spot before saying, “That’s mine.”

           Toying with the large neckline of the top of his new nightclothes, she gave him a shy smile. “But this is our tradition,” she murmured.

           It was. Almost every pajama set he owned, she’d claimed the top half of. He hadn’t expected her to do it here though. “You can’t wear that downstairs tomorrow.”

           “I know!” she squeaked. “I won’t! I’ll wear mine and you can have this back in the morning!”

           And it would smell like her. He was suddenly very glad she’d taken it. “Alright, little lady. Tuck in. I’ll be right back.”

           He heard the bed shift as she crawled onto it and he hurriedly changed into the bottoms.

           She had rearranged the pillows to prop herself up when he came back around the screen, the book in her lap and something else he should have expected. “I didn’t realise you brought those.”

           “You should have brought them,” she said, giving him a pointed look.

           Sirius rolled his eyes and joined her in bed. “I don’t always need them,” he muttered, wrapping an arm around her and pulling her tight to his side. More he didn’t always want them.

           “It’s just us, Sirius,” she said softly and held the glasses out to him.

           She wouldn’t be happy unless he wore them. He sighed and slipped them on, hating that they did help as she opened the book. He took the side she held out to him, keeping it between their hands as she flipped to the first page before her hand fell to the covers.

           Letting his cheek rest on her hair, he started to read. The only sound in the room was the quiet turning of the pages as they both reached the end of them and the soft noises she made in response to the story. It was a gentle end to a hectic day, one that they both needed.

           Sirius’ eyes slipped shut as he waited for her to reach the end of the next pages and he breathed her in. His arm tightened slightly around her, his fingers curling into the dip of her waist. “I love you,” he whispered.

           “I love you, too, Sirius.”

           Exhaling slowly, he soaked in those words, letting them warm every part of him. “Hey,” he said quietly when she tugged the book away from him to close it.

           “You weren’t reading anymore,” Celeste said.

           He watched her as she shifted to set the book aside and turned back to him. Cocking a brow as she cupped his face, he leaned into her when she kissed him slowly. She gently pulled the glasses off his nose and put them next to the book. He didn’t resist her as she tugged him down and under the covers, helping her rearrange the pillows as they stretched out.

           She quickly snuggled into his arms, her sigh dancing over his chest. “Merry Christmas, Sirius,” she breathed, already sounding sleepy.

           A small smile tugged at his lips before a yawn surprised him. “Merry Christmas, Cherry,” he murmured. Closing his eyes, he listened as her breathing evened out, sleep claiming her as easily as it ever did. He kept himself focused on the gentle sound, letting it lull him closer to his own usually elusive sleep. Maybe this time it would work. Maybe this time….

[wartornblack]

⟡⌜⇴ KIT HARINGTON ⌠ 30 & he/him ⌡: have you seen SIRIUS BLACK? HE is an AUROR who’s apparently also A MEMBER OF THE ORDER. When you see them walking around, be careful, because while they can be CHARMING and LIGHT-HEARTED, I heard they can also be pretty SHORT-TEMPERED and LOST.

Let me introduce you to the train wreck that is Sirius Blacks life.

Childhood:

Born on November 1st 1959 to Orion and Walburga Black, Sirius was privileged since birth. Being the heir to one of the more respected Pureblood families meant that there was a giant weight on his shoulders and he felt that from a very young age. Ever since he could talk he was told how to act and what was respectable behaviour in his parent's eyes. He never really got the chance to be a child. And he’s always resented the Pureblood community for that.

But he tried his best to stay out of trouble. Even as he sat at family events bored out his mind he knew better than to misbehave. It wasn’t worth his mother's wrath. He was a fairly quiet kid. Other than a few snarky remarks here and there he really didn’t give his parents a reason to believe he would be anything other than the perfect heir they were raising him to be.

It was exceptionally lonely, however. Other than his brother and his cousins he didn’t have that many friends. And living at Grimmauld Place was extremely isolating. He couldn’t just go out and play with the nearby kids cause they were “filthy muggles” according to his Mother. Some might question why his family choose to live beside muggles if they were apparently beneath them but Sirius never did.

Growing up his Father was the person he looked up to the most. He loved spending time with him. And his main goal when he was little was to hear his Father say he was proud of him. 

He never did.

Having spent most of his younger years surrounded by Pureblood that all had the same beliefs on Purty as his parents Sirius’s view on others was somewhat swayed by them. But, as he grew older, he started to question why exactly where they better than others? Yes, their blood was more “pure” but he didn’t really understand why that made them any superior. He spent more of his free time reading and a lot of the books he read were by Half-Bloods or Muggle-borns and they seemed just as intelligent as any Pureblood he knew. It was confusing to him. But he made sure to never question it out loud.

Hogwarts Years

Sirius’ first day at Hogwarts was both the best and worst day of his life so far.

It was the best day because he met thhree people that would soon meanthe world to him: James Potter, Remus Lupin, and Peter Pettigrew. All three of them would play an important part of how Sirius became who he ultimitely was supposed to be. They tought him there was more to life than Pureblood galas and acting like the respectable Pureblood male who’s only job in life is to make sure he carries on the family name. HTey tought him to have fun, they brought out his mschievious side, andbrought him out of his shell. Some might argue that Sirius becoming more confident is a bad thing. But Sirius wouldn’t change it for the world.

It was the worst day because he got sorted into Gryffindor.  And then the spiral of hate from his parents began.

He knew from the second the hat shouted out Gryffindor that he was in trouble.He couldn’t remember a member of his family that wasn’t in Slytherin and so he had made his way to the lions table wth trembling hand. He had hoped he would have a tleast some time to deal with the sorting on hs own. But the very next morning he had a letter from his mother saying how this must be a mistake. That he doesn’t belong in Gryffindor and that they would sort it. But, deep down he knew he did belong there. Deep down he knew he wasn’t like his family, he just didn’t want to admit it. And so he had ignored the letter and when McGonogal had spoken to him about it the next day he told her everythng was fine and he was happy being in Gryffindor.

Something seemed to change in Sirus’s mind the longer he was at Hogwarts. The more time he spent with other wizard and witches from different backgrounds the more he realised that his families views were ridiculous. And with the war brewing, he knew he’d have an important choice on his hands. He’d have to choose between the friends he has made and the family that could destroy him if he left.

The choice came the summer before the start of his sixth year. His parents had finally had enough of his antics and sat him down to tell him they had decided he was to join the Death Eaters and finally make them proud. He was told that Voldemort would be happy to have the Black heir on his side and during the summer he would be marked. For the first time in his life, Sirius was terrified. And he didn’t even think before he left in the middle of the night with just a bag of clothes and the money he had hidden in his room. He ran to the Potters who had happily took him in.

It took him a while to adjust to being disowned. He was used to unlimited money and to basically get whatever he wanted. And instead he had to walk every galleon he spent and once that was gone he knew he’d actually have to get a job. He didn’t regret it though. But he never told anyone the real reason that he left. Because he knew his own fate would now be passed down to his brother. And he didn’t want anyone knowing that his family were so lost in the wrong side they had officially joined The Dark Lords ranks. He still had enough family pride to not let anyone go into Azkaban just for his spite.

His one regret, though, was leaving Regulus behind. Even though he knew that his brother thought like his parents. Or so he believed anyway. But he felt like he was too far gone to help. But he still missed his baby brother. Even to this day, he missed him the most.

After Hogwarts:

After Hogwarts Sirius only wanted to do one thing. Became an Auror. At the start, it was just because he thought it was a cool as fuck job. But as the war heated up and more and more were getting killed he knew it was the right thing to do. He had never worked so hard for anything in his life. And still to this day his proudest moment was passing the Auror entry exam and start his training. He’s extremely proud of his job. And he truly believes his Father would be proud of him for it.

Soon after he became an Auror he found about the Order and joined without thinking twice. At the start it was fun. He was fighting alongside his friends and the meetings meant seeing friends that he hadn’t seen for a while. But, soon less and less were at the meetings and more and more deaths were announced instead. It ended up taking its toll on him and he ended up finding comfort in the bottom of bottles. Losings his friends was just too much for him. And the only way he could cope was to drink his way through it. He knew it wasn’t healthy, but he honestly has lost all capability to care anymore.

The longer this war goes on the less he thinks they can actually win. He’s lost people he cares about and the things Death Eaters have done to muggle-borns has caused him to stay awake at night in fear of nightmares. But what really made him fall too deep to be helped was the Death of his parents. it surprisingly hit him hard. Mostly because he had to read about it in the Prophet. No one had bothered to actually tell him to his face. Somewhere inside of him he has always thought being disowned was purely pettiness on his families side and that when something like this happened he would at least be told. So when he read about it in the paper and read that the funeral had already happened he snapped. He decided to say fuck it to everyone and started to isolate himself.

He is fed up of fighting at this point. He’s fed up losing people that he cares about. He’s fed up of the constant worry that someone close is actually a spy. He’s fed up of not being able to trust anyone. He’s just fed up with life and he’d rather drink it away than try anymore.

Apart from his job he doesn’t really care about anything. He’s lost too much to feel anything but defeat.

The war is slowly but surely ripping him apart and he doesn’t care enough to stop it anymore.

[punky-pinkhaired-hufflepuff]

What dose it matter? (Remus x reader x Severus?)

Back story time. You were in the same grade and year as Lily and James , Remus and Sirius, and none other then Severus Snape. While in school with them you were in the middle constantly. You were first friends with Severus and even as going far for the two of you to be a couple. Tho in reality it seemed Severus was only toying with your emotions in attempt to get over lily. But on the reverse side you were close friends with the infamous group of boys known as the marauders.

He often was angry and grumpy sometimes angsty snippy and Moody wich hurt a lot at times. And who did you run to, the marauders. Yes as much as the four of them loved to bully and pick on the one you held dear, they typically were there for you. Especially one in particular. Remus Lupin. Everyone joked that you should leave Severus for him. To that you would just laugh awkwardly because you felt it was kinda true. You and Remus had a lot more in common then you and Severus. And everytime Severus would be mean or cold to you Remus was there. Remus took you on countless late night walks to clear your mind. He would give you chocolate when you were extra sad, and his hugs were the absolute best thing in the world. You’d be lieing if you said you didn’t have at least a little bit of a crush on him.

Remus loved you, from the moment he laid eyes on you, sorting hat on your head, anxious look on your face, but then a look of pure happiness as you were sorted into (your house). As time went on you two grew closer. He was planning on asking you out sooner but Severus beat him to it. His heart broke. He didn’t hate Severus like his friends but didn’t think he deserved you or would treat you right. And when his prediction came true he was the first person to be there for you. It made picking on Severus easier for him because he now felt he deserved it for treating you poorly. Remus thought the world didn’t even deserve you, you were so pure and sweet and wonderful to him, he couldn’t get it, how someone so full of life, energy and happiness would even want to give him the time of day. It amazed him. But it was one of the things he loved most, you were unpredictable and kind to pretty much everyone. Your laugh, your smile, your eyes it all captivated him from the start.

One day however it got to much, Severus had been crule to you all day, brushing you off ignoring you, giving you snippy come backs and attitude to everything. And just as you had told him how hurt you had been feeling he told you he was busy and couldn’t talk. So you finally did it.

“I’m done Severus” you said as he was walking away from you down the hall. He stopped and turned around looking at you confused.

“it’s clear you don’t truly like me, and that I’m putting in all the effort here, and all I get back is attitude and coldness. I’m tired of it. I don’t even know why you wanted to go out with me in the first place. I think it’s best we stop this, stop the dating, stop the pretending we are a happy couple because we both know we’re not. I’m sorry I can’t be Lily. Goodbye Severus.” And with that you turned around quickly and ran off before he could say anything.

Tho as much as this might not have been what you wanted. You made Severus think to himself. Was it smart of him to use you that way, no not at all. The poor girl wanted a companion in him and all he did was hurt her. Sure it wasn’t her or his fault he was hung up on Lily. Even tho he should have taken it upon himself to build that bridge and get over it. He thought about possibly talking to you and apologiesing for how he’d been. He never realized how truly kind and wonderful you treated him. Even after how cold he could be.

You however where already in the presence of the four boys you called your friends. You sat with all of them in the Griffindor conman room, you sat in between Remus, and Sirius. As much as you didn’t want to cry over Severus it did hurt a little. They all cheered you on and said you did the right thing. The all even proposed you all go sneak out to get ice cream or something, something to help celebrate and to cheer you up. As you got up and began your adventure you noticed Remus wrapping his arms around your shoulder it was warm and conforting and he smelled nice so you didn’t mind at all. He smelled like cool spring air, old books, and chocolate obviously. The sent was sweet and wonderful and you didn’t even question the gesture now. You looked up at him and smiled.

“I thought this might help, let you know your not truly alone, and it seems pretty cold out” he said looking out the window.

“oh damn your right it seemed really cold on my way over here” you said looking out the window with him. You were looking up at the sky to the stars and he was looking out into the forest.

“do you have a jumper or anything?” He asked looking down at you rubbing your shoulder to warm you up.

“no” you pouted “I forgot it in my dorm” you said defeated he chuckled at how cute you were pouting like that.

“ah don’t worry you can use one of mine” he said ruffling the top of your head and heading into his dorm.

“are you sure Remus? I don’t want you to be cold” you called out. He came out a minute later smiling.

“nonsense I don’t want you to he cold and besides do you think I only own one jumper?” He said smiling and handing you the fuzzy jumper. You laughed realizing how silly that must have sounded and took it happily.

On your adventure you didn’t even noticed Remus holding your hand, the entire time. You didn’t mind it once you did noticed, his hand was soft yet still tough and it was warm. However before that you and him had a little bit of a flirty couple moment that didn’t go unnoticed and I’m not talking about the marauders. Severus went looking for you to apologise and caught you and the four boys sneaking out. He realised tattling on you would just make it seem like he was a jelouse sulking boy trying to get his ex girlfriend in trouble for breaking up with him. And he didn’t want that.

He fallowed you and the boys to your destination and watched the whole time without being noticed. He saw Remus holding your hand, and you wearing his jumper a mix of confusion and anger began to brew in him. He knew he still had feelings for Lily but he questioned if he was beginning to have feelings for you now. Also why was it that not a few hours ago you were his, not happily his but still his, and now here you are wrapped around Remus’s fingure. What really through him over the edge was when Remus and you began playfully fighting with each other trying to try the others ice cream. Laughing giggling being cute. Holding out your tongue lunging at each other, one false move and you two would be french kissing. However he was torn. You looked so happy smiling, giggling, he even saw a spark in your eyes. He had never noticed it before, or was it just never there until now. He felt hurt, he understood slightly that he kept you from being happy. The opposite of what one is suppose to do when in a romantic relationship. She didn’t deserve that Lily didn’t deserve that, no one would ever deserve to be put through Severus’s loveless personality. He turned back sadly.

Time went on, you all graduated. You all had your jobs your lives. You heard the news about Lily and James, and Sirius and Peter. You tried to keep in touch with Remus but it got hard. He was lost without them. He travled you travled. You never spoke to Severus after the day in the hall. He pretty much avoided you. You and Remus almost dated but lets be real here, almost only counts in horse shoes and hand gernades. However, a second chance was handed to you. Dumbledore had asked you to join an order, an order of protection for James and Lily’s son, Harry. He asked you to be a professor at the school. He assured you, you would be welcomed in with open arms and protected you would not be alone. You took the offer.

On your first day you were feeling confident. You were set to be a surprise for the other professors. Dumbledore kinda messed up and hadn’t found an actual class for you so instead made you a helper for all the other professors. You were niceley dressed (fav color) blouse and a black penciled skirt and (fav color) (heels or flats). You certainly looked far more professional then you used to. You entered the dinning hall as you heard Dumbledore introduce you as if this were an opening act.

Upon entering you noticed two particular men sitting with the professors, Severus Snape, and Remus Lupin. Both equally shoked by you, but Remus, Remus had only looked better with age, your heart did leaps and butterflies flittered in your stomach. You noticed a blush creep onto both his and Severus’s face. Severus looked annoyed and tired but still shocked. Not that you truly cared. You made your way twords the teachers table as Dumbledore continued to talk. Stating you would be moving around the school helping with any class that needed it. Rounding the table you noticed what seat was left for you,smack dab between Lupin and Severus. You smirked finding it uncanny. You waved to the students and took your seat.

“why hello there long time no see” Remus whispered smiling.

“and who’s fault is that” you giggled back.

“I believe both of ours my deer” he grinned. You giggled. It was true it takes two to tango and two to keep in touch.

“true true how ever will I make it up to you” you said over dramatically.

“how about dinner, just to catch up that is” he said jokingly with a wink. You blushed understanding his hint.

“sounds lovely” you said smiling back at him. You noticed next to you Severus becoming uneasy. He then got up and said he had some paperwork to grade and was off out of the dinning hall.

After that night you and Remus became extreamly close. You spent nights together in his professors apartment, went on plenty of dates, and even helped him through some full moon nights. You were so happy to have had a second chance with him. He was great things were great with you two. Even working at Hogwarts was pretty great. You helped out where ever you could tho you typically went and helped Remus the most. Severus usually denied your help, tho a couple of times you could see he was definitely lieing and over his head in work and thus forced your help upon him. Today was one of those days.

“Severus your dropping things all over the place please let me help you” you said rushing over to him sympathetic look painted on your face catching the ingredients for his various potions before they hit the floor.

“I told you I don’t need nor want your help” he said sternly.

“you may not want it but saying you don’t need it is bullshit” you said taking some more ingridients from his overflowing arms and hands. He sighed realizing there was no changing your mind on helping him. You smirked noting that you won. You walked with him back to his class room still carrying ingredients in your arms. You placed the ingridients on the table as he walked away twords his desk.

“thank you” he said quietly almost unable to be heard.

“what was that?” You asked making sure you heard correctly.

“I said thank you” he said sounding slightly annoyed

“no problem, anytime, it’s kinda my job ya know, typically your not suppose to denie my help but you do you” you said crossing your arms smiling, he rolled his eyes at you.

“well if that is all then you can be off now” he said turning and walking away. You were pretty tired of his attitude.

“is there a reason you hate me?” You asked crossing your arms.

“I beg your pardon?” He asked scoffing while sitting at his desk.

“you, Everytime you talk to me all I get is anger and venom and I want it to stop. Look I know we didn’t leave off on good terms bu-” you were cut off.

“didn’t leave off on good terms then you return making googly eyes at Lupin then proceed to bang his brains out” he said mocking you.

“first I’m not some slut I’m not banging his brains out, and what dose it matter to you who I’m dating?!” You yelled at him.

“because maybe I harbor feelings for you” he shouted back. “Maybe I’ve been harboring feelings for you since the day you left! You leaving made me realize what a miserable twat I was to you!” He snapped. You froze.

“What…” You whispered.

A/N: there will most likely be a part 2 possibly even a like choose your own part where there’s a lupin ending and a Severus ending not sure yet tho let me know what you tnink^^

[kwonhozhi]

7½ Disasters

@jilychallenge 07/2017 | @bantasticbeasts vs @petalstofish

Summer Tropes | “we have to crush the team of our unbeaten rivals in this waterfight (even if the other side has a rlly cute red head) oh god fOCUS”

Word count: 3000

AO3

would you believe me if i told you it’s still july on mars?

The first summer, it’s just him and Sirius, riding their bikes down to the corner store and using James’ pocket money to buy water balloons. When they get back to James’, they fill them up, and they have a go throwing them at each other. Sirius shrieks the first time he’s hit, and James’ aim accuracy plummets because he’s got water all over his glasses and he can’t bloody see anything, and Sirius will you stop darting around already.

It’s not nearly as fun as it looks in those American movies.

They trek inside, drenched and shivering, and James’ mum shoves them both in the downstairs shower to get the grass off. James doesn’t mind nearly as much as he lets on; a water fight in the English summer is a rather cold affair. Sirius gives his arm a soggy punch and says, “I’m gonna destroy you next time.”

But two days later, Sirius gets whisked away by his parents to France, and by the time he gets back, 17 whining postcards later, school has started and James has a runny nose anyway.

(It’s a disaster).

The second summer, Sirius has the forethought to invite Remus and Peter, and James has the forethought to wait for a day that’s actually hot. Sirius and Remus stay behind to fill up balloons while James and Peter speed down the hill to go get water guns.

Between them they can afford three little ones, or they can get one big one. “It makes more sense,” Peter reckons, “to get the three, ‘cause then we can have one between pairs and then a spare in case one breaks.”

“Yeah,” James says, “that does make sense.”

(They get the one big one).

James and Sirius argue for almost two hours over who should get to wield it before Remus snatches it from the table and climbs up the big tree in James’ backyard and sprays them when they try to follow.

(It’s a disaster).

The next summer, Peter brings along Lily Evans, who brings along Marlene McKinnon, who brings along someone who James thinks is named Fenwick. And of course, Snape, because he follows Evans around like a lost puppy at school, so why wouldn’t he follow her here? It makes James’ skin crawl to have Snape inside his house. Why’s his mum got to be so nice to everyone, whether they’re his friend or not?

How did he get to a stage in his life where Snape is in his kitchen, drinking his orange juice out of his designated cup at his favourite spot at the counter?

James spends the afternoon aiming for Snape with extreme prejudice.

(Evans spends the same afternoon aiming for James with the same prejudice).

(James abandons Snape and directs his fury towards Evans).

(It’s a disaster).

The next summer, there’s so many kids at the Potter house that they need teams, and Evans decides it should be boys against girls. Sirius, the traitor, pipes up to agree with her, but he doesn’t realise that this means that Snivellus will be on their team, and by the time James has smacked him on the ear in anger, Lily’s already herded Mary, Marlene, and three girls James doesn’t know (people he doesn’t know! at his house!) to a spot under the tree to discuss tactics.

James surveys his own team: Sirius, Remus, Peter, Benjy Fenwick, the weird boy from down the road who James doesn’t really like but doesn’t really dislike either (Diggle?). And Snape. God, it’d be perfect without Snape. He’d be happy to put up with Diggle, if it wasn’t for Snape.

At least Snape looks about as keen about it as he feels.

He’s been practicing his aim, and every balloon he throws lands on its mark.

“Friendly fire is one thing,” Evans is saying, and her hair is limp around her shoulders, plastered to her neck, “but you’re taking it too far! What’s Sev ever done to you?”

He just brings a balloon down on her head and runs away. She shouts something after him, and then she throws something after him. The balloon bursts on his calves and he almost trips over.

He does trip over. He hates having to sit out while his lip stops bleeding, but he supposes the fact that his mum is gonna let him go back out at all is a miracle.

Of course, his absence means he’s been exiled from his own team, and now he’s a freelancer. Which means he can go wild, but which also means that when he steps back onto the grass with only a handful of balloons, he’s a target for everyone.

Evans grimaces an apology, and he waves her off. Well, he throws a water balloon at her. It’s the first shot he misses, the balloon splitting harmlessly on the ground.

He ducks to miss one from Peter, and Remus gets him from behind. Typical. He throws his last balloon at Peter, and then he has to scramble to find more before they can bombard him in full.

(He doesn’t).

(It’s a disaster).

The next summer, James says, “Alright, Evans,” and hands her a stack of bright red sashes that his mum sewed for him last week. “You and me, team captains.”

She takes them with a scowl, and says, “Thank you,” like it pains her. It strikes him that she comes to his house an awful lot for someone who apparently can’t stand him.

“And because I’m feeling extra especially nice, you can pick first.”

Evans nods thoughtfully, then there’s this vicious look in her eyes and, “Black.”

James feels as though she’s been shot. Sirius looks at him in panic, but what can he do?

“Um,” says James. “Remus?”

Evans is fast, though. “Peter.”

Snape spits on the ground. On James’ ground. Where he sits sometimes.

“Sev,” Lily says, softly, but Snape storms off.

Good, thinks James. “Mary.”

Really, by the end of it, everyone’s sitting out except for him and Evans. It’s just them in the middle of his garden with a bucket of balloons each (his mum had taken away the guns after Sirius wouldn’t stop shooting water directly into Peter’s eye), yelling nonsense and hitting each other.

(It’s a disaster).

The next summer is the one after Sirius discovers Gasolina. He spends the day before the Battle Royale (and in hindsight, this is the first one that really, truly deserves the title Battle Royale) figuring out how to get Fleamont’s hi-fi system to play it and play it loud. He enlists Euphemia’s help in starting it playing right as the battle begins. It’s the call to arms they’ve been waiting for.

Peter takes first blood, a hot and immediate reaction to hearing the first notes of a song that, over the last eight months, has become the bane of his existence. Sirius splutters, and James wants to be on Peter’s side, he really does. But this is Gasolina, and it feels so stupidly right. Even Evans is biting back a smile. Or, he thinks she is. Maybe she’s biting back a scowl, but that seems unlikely. Evans is known for letting her scowls run freely.

Snape isn’t a bad shot, which pisses James off, because he won’t let Remus alone for even a second. He hates Evans for keeping on inviting him, and he lobs a balloon at her to let her know how pissed off he is. Maybe she gets it, or maybe she’s just in a water fight. Either way, she gets him right in the face.

“That’s it, run away!” spits Snape.

James spins, and there’s Remus, scrambling up the tree, and there’s Snape, throwing balloons and - stones from the flower bed?

He watches Remus fall out of the tree in slow motion.

They’ve climbed that tree a thousand times, they know that tree. Remus knows that tree. How can this happen, how can this be happening? He can’t look away.

The look on Snape’s face is victory, and it doesn’t slip when the crunch of Remus’ arm breaking rings out across the garden. That’s what really riles James. There’s not any remorse, he doesn’t look sorry.

James is on him before anyone can react to any of it.

There’s blood on the grass, but he doesn’t know where it came from. Is Snape bleeding? Is he bleeding? Yeah, it must be him. Snape’s got his grubby fingernails in James’ skin.

Someone grabs him around the waist. He elbows them in the chest. He needs another hit on Snape. Just one more, that’s all he needs.

Peter grabs his arm. Evans grabs the other.

“Get him!” Sirius shouts from far away. Too far away.

“That’s enough, Potter,” Evans spits at him.

“He broke Remus’ arm!” James shouts, and she flinches.

“I don’t need help,” Snape hisses, poisonous. “Not from a little slut like you.”

James gets his hit.

Euphemia drives him and Remus to A&E. She tries to make Snape come too, but he scarpers the minute her back is turned. Remus gets a cast, and James gets six stitches in his eyebrow, and they both promise to pretend the other didn’t cry.

James ends up with a scar, and when they go back to school, Evans touches it softly.

(Maybe it isn’t a disaster after all).

The next summer, James learns what it’s like to have Evans fight by his side, and he doesn’t ever want to go back to how it was before.

This is what happens:

They stand with their sashes, and go through the ceremony of pretending to choose teammates, because Evans will always have her girls, and James always have his boys. They glance at each other uneasily when they have to acknowledge Snape’s absence, and then Evans just barrells on like usual.

It starts like normal. Well, this whole event has been so ridiculous over the course of the last six years that starts like normal could mean practically anything. It starts with the teams in parallel lines, a bucket of balloons each. Then his mum shouts, “Ready?” from the balcony, and then she presses play on the hi-fi, and Sirius times his first hit to the first duro! and it devolves from there.

Evans is shaking like a leaf when she corners him under the balcony and he acknowledges somewhere in the back of his head that he must be cold, too.

“James!” calls Remus, but he doesn’t drop a balloon on Evans’ head like they planned. James shimmies past her until he can see up to where Remus is leaning over the railing, empty handed.

“What?” he shouts back.

Remus just points, out towards the driveway and the winding road that connects the hill to the town. If James had a Spidey Sense, it’d be tingling right about now. He sprints to the tree, and climbs as far as he can, until he can see what the matter is. He’s surprised to find Evans pushing her way up beside him.

“Is that-”

James grimaces. “Mulciber’s car.”

It’s a desperately ugly monstrosity of a Beamer-cross-Buick-cross-Behemoth, and it spent the better part of last term impounded, though that period of bliss seems to be over. They watch is crawl up the road as Mulciber struggles to find the right gears for the climb, and James is still frozen.

“Come on!” Evans shouts at him from the ground. “Christ, you’re useless. Black! Start filling up balloons. Mary, make sure all the guns are topped up. Peter, you get Potter out of the tree.”

They’re not ready when the car pulls up in front of the house. Why don’t they have a gate?

“Ready!” shouts Evans. James picks up a balloon. Pink. He tosses it up and catches it, feels the weight of the water. Sirius catches his eye and blows him a kiss, and that makes him feel a little better. “Fire!”

At least James’ muscle memory makes it look like he knows what he’s doing. God, this is so embarrassing. It’s just Slytherins, ugly, pathetic Slytherins, so why is he so fucking afraid?

Avery gets hit with 3 separate balloons at once, and then he raises a gun. Like, a gun.

What. The. Fuck.

James kind of wants to do a heroic jump in front of Evans to save her from a bullet, but he also kind of doesn’t want to die.

(In the end, he doesn’t get a choice).

James has never been in as much fucking pain as he is in this exact moment. Avery has just shot him in the fucking kneecap and what if he can never play cricket again oh god his dad is going to kill him.

He chances a look down to make sure he’s absolutely, definitely going to die and oh god oh god oh god his trousers are stained red, red, red.

“Get up!” Evans hisses, and tugs at his arm. Sirius has his other.

“I can’t,” James sighs, “I’ve been shot.”

“With a paintball gun, you tosser,” Sirius says.

James sits up, takes in the splotch of red on Evans’ collar, the red matting the left side of Sirius’ hair. Paint. “Well, it still fucking hurts, Sirius.”

“Come on, we’re all getting up on the balcony so we have the high ground.”

James pulls himself up and says, “You were my brother An-” and then his knee buckles and he’s back on the ground. “Hey, I’m not fucking around right now, I think my knee’s dislocated, or, like, shattered into a million tiny pieces or whatever.”

“You owe me,” Sirius grunts, as he lifts James up, a little less than gently, and carries him into the house.

“What about-” James starts as Lily closes the glass door behind them.

“Flea’s trying to get rid of them,” Sirius says.

“I heard him say he was gonna phone the police,” Lily supplies from her position pressed up against the glass.

“Yeah, he loves that one,” James says, running a hand through his hair and gritting his teeth as he shifts to find a position on this bar stool that isn’t completely agonising. “‘James, eat your karela or I’ll call the police!’, ‘James, do your homework or I’ll call the police!’, ‘James, go to bed or I’ll call the police!’ I think he just wants to call the police.”

“I hate hiding in here,” Sirius says, pacing.

At least one of you has to be in motion at all times, Evans told James once. As soon as you stop, Sirius starts. It’s kind of spooky to watch. Sirius crosses to the glass door, tugs on the ends of his hair, returns to James. Spins a ring around on his finger. Goes back to the glass door.

Evans gives him a look like see?

She says, “Go find Euphemia, then. James needs to go to A&E.”

James.

His whole body turns towards her without his permission, like she’s some kind of beacon and he needs to be looking at her right now. Of course he manages to smack his arm against his knee in the process.

If he had a higher threshold for pain, maybe he wouldn’t have passed out just then.

He comes to with a brace around his knee, and Evans holding his hand. He pretends to be unconscious for a little while longer, but his mum catches him at it, and Evans takes her hand back.

(It’s the worst disaster yet).

The next summer, unease settles across them as they stand in their lines. Evans stands opposite James, grave until she gets this smirk on her face like she’s Gal Gadot and he’s just told her he reckons he can take her down. Maybe that smirk is how he already knows he’s completely and totally fucked, but he has to try anyway.

She tackles him as soon as the music starts, sends him sprawling on the grass, and pumps the water gun right into his face.

“Foul!” he calls, except he only gets out fou before he accidentally inhales a mouthful of water and has to hack it back up. Sirius hits Evans from behind with a balloon, a perfect distraction for James to scramble to his feet and wrestle the gun from her hands.

She legs it, and she’s so much faster than he’s ever given her credit for, but he’s an athlete, even with one fucked knee, so she only makes it most of the way across the yard before he catches up.

The collision is messy, but he slams into her and they both go flying. It’s a scramble to their feet, and whoever makes it vertical first is going to be the victor. Then he has her pinned up against the wall by the sitting room window, water dripping steadily from her braid, and she gives him that Gal Gadot look again.

(He holds on tight).

“Alright, Evans?” he whispers, and she angles her face up to him. He licks his lips, and she watches him do it. She brings a hand up to touch his cheek, and then–

She smacks the other hand down on his face, hard, and the balloon she’d been cradling bursts open. “Peachy,” she grins, and then she’s kissing him, and he’s kissing her, and it’s uncomfortably wet.

Remus finds them like that, and it takes him, Peter and Mary sixteen balloons to get them to break apart. When they do, he’s bright red, and Sirius gives him that you’re never going to hear the end of this look that he loves so very much.

(It’s a disaster).

(But James reckons he doesn’t mind so much).

The last summer, the summer between sixth form and university, they stand around and pretend they’ll be back next year. Maybe they will. Sirius holds a portable speaker above his head, and Gasolina pumps into the air, and then they go to war.

(And it is a triumph).