#he doesn’t want to create more undead heroes

[little-pondhead]

Does villain Danny have custom made accessories? Does he have swirly glasses? Very long ragged lab coat with carefully placed stains? Does he don a fake, tastefully swirly mustache when he hijacks every screen on the town to give rambling villain monologues?

Does he put comically big red selfdestruct buttons on his machines?

I need to now

Concept: He does wear all of that, but switches it up every time he’s committing a major crime and refuses to acknowledge what he’s doing. He never wears the same prop twice. October is his favorite month :)

And I feel like Danny would put those oversized buttons on everything, but they either don’t work at all, or something stupid happens like making confetti and glitter blow up in the face of whomever pressed the button. (He probably doesn’t want anyone to get into a horrible accident like he did. After all, Danny died because of a few loose wires and one big button. So he pulls a Death Star and puts one vital flaw in all his designs for the heroes to discover.)

[its-callum-everybody]

I CANNOT DRAW. You see chat, I can’t draw, so I need to think of ways to share my TWST oc with the world. So instead of learning how to draw, I’ll be doing it the best way I know how: In Depth Character Analysis!

Part 1 — Basic Character Information / Relationships

Part 2 — Everything to do with her Unique Magic

Part 3 — Lore

Part 4 — Appearance

Part 3 ➤

LORE.

I love it, you probably love it. (At least I would hope so if you’re still reading this.) Lore is what makes up any good storyline. And makes up even better character because all characters have a backstory! Even if it’s something completely rudimentary. Not every backstory has to be completely tragic. But I am inclined to make my OC (Cyrielle) go through the wringer. So that’s what we’re doing!

Lets start off with some explanation about the movie she is inspired from though, shall we?

The Black Cauldron~!

Now, The Black Cauldron is framed around a young boy who dreams of being a hero. But is in charge of taking care of a pig instead. As it turns out, the pig can create visions and The Horned King (the main antagonist) wants that pig so he can find The Black Cauldron.

The Black Cauldron was the prison/death sentence type deal used to rule over the mystical land of Prydain. He was so good at being evil that everyone was scared of him, even the gods. So when they put him in this cauldron it made the cauldron evil. So now whoever finds it can grant themselves a bunch of power by summoning an undead army. The problem is The Cauldron takes up a lot of power and ends up actually consuming The Horned King at the end because it truly can’t be controlled.

So let’s straighten out one thing, which character is Cyrielle based off of???

Taran, the pig keeper and protagonist? No.

Princess Eilonwy? No.

Dallben? No.

The Creeper or Gurgi? Definitely not.

The Horned King? Surprisingly no.

The Black Cauldron and The Emperor Inside of it whom we barely know any past lore of because the movie doesn’t really tell you anything besides how evil he was? DING DING DING! WE HAVE A WINNER!

Now, while the Cauldron played great inspiration in her Unique Magic (check out Part 2 for that grand explanation) Her character isn’t precisely based ON the emperor. No. She plays OFF of him.

Cyrielle, as explained by her upcoming lore, acts as a sort of explanation as to how The Emperor (Teivel, as I named him.) ties into the world of TWST and sort of just how his legacy played out. Granted. She is still connected to him, a fact I will elaborate on later.

But now that we have that explained lets move onto phase one—

World-building!

World building is important here because I somehow have to manage to literally input the entirety of Prydain somewhere in the TWST-verse.

Now we don’t have names of continents per se, we just have the names of Nations which are on those continents and then places in those kingdoms like- you have The Queendom of Roses but inside the Queendom of roses are villages and cities like Clocktown.

Or in the Shaftlands you have characters from Harveston or Fleur City IN THE SHAFTLANDS. So most of characters are only identified by the nations/kingdoms they hails from instead of the villages. No clue how those Nations/Kingdoms are positioned geographically or how they link up.

But from what I can tell from the Wiki and a now inactive blog (thank you @twstarchives, you are my saving grace.)

They do take up entire if not certain sections of a land mass, except for The Coral Sea obviously because that going to be part of a larger ocean instead of land. Like how the North Atlantic Ocean connects to the Caribbean sea.

[ For those wondering the difference between a Sea and Ocean, here’s the summary of a googled answer:

Oceans — Larger, Deeper, more open divisions of earths salt water, typically higher salinity levels.

Seas — Smaller parts of the ocean, located where land & ocean meet, usually partially enclosed by land, shallower, lower levels of Salt.]

So I’m basically throwing darts at a board here. Except I have no idea where anything else is located. So what better idea than to just have it to not exist!

Prydain simply just won’t exist. Also. Another good reason for just not having it exist will be because at the beginning, as she and Crowley are searching for Prydain. It will make it harder to find information and throw them off the trail, red herring style, even though Prydain will still, at one point have existed in TWST wonderland.

And what better a place to put in than the Shaftlands.

“ A large country with a diverse population. Because it's comprised of several different biomes, it's home to a variety of cultures. ”

In the Black Cauldron we see a grand shot between different area. There is a drastic change between the farm at the start, The Forbidden Forest, and the land where The Horned King resides which is sort of like an Alpine Tundra. So given the difference between all there places and the fact the Shaftlands is described as large. I’m gonna say that it’s sort of towards the Northwest as pure North is very snowy according to Jack’s Wish/Birthday card but we don’t see a lot of snow. So Northwest it shall be!

That leaves me with explaining how Prydain became a lost Kingdom. And just as The Black Cauldron was never really a popular Disney film in its time, I’m going to say it worked the same for Prydain. Prydain. may have been well-known, but as time progressed it grew smaller and many of its people branched off to go to different lands or just generally lost itself. So as these people naturally went away from Prydain, along with a bit of land change from the elements over the years. There isn’t much to be noted about the lost kingdom as there wasn’t much left behind from it besides a few legends, records, and buildings. And most documents and writings left behind probably would be unable to be translated. As many of them would many be in a lost common tongue.

So thats taken care of! Onto phase two,

The Legends and Lore!

Now of course, all the villains and hero’s featured in Twisted wonderland some long, long time ago. So that’s the same for all the characters featured in The Black Cauldron. So obviously The tale of Taran, The Horned King, and The Cauldron is well known. And is probably one of the legends that was best kept alive because of how directly it impacted Prydain as a nation.

Still lesser known, but not entirely forgotten!

Which brings us to how The Cauldron, or Teivel, and Cyrielle are related. I mentioned earlier there wasn’t a direct inspiration from the cauldron in her personality. More so in her ability. Now why is that?

Because she’s meant to both reflect and go against him.

I’m adding a legend to Prydain’s catalog:

~ The Princess and The Thief

“ Long ago, in the faraway land of Prydain there was rumored to be a King so cruel, so evil that even the gods feared him. As no prison would hold him, he was thrown alive into a crucible of molten iron. There, his demonic spirit was captured in the form of a great Black Cauldron.

The King had no wives, though his mistresses were many. And with one he had a child. A princess who at the time was but just a babe. But, just in case she had inherited his evil heart, she was cast away into a manor deep within The Forbidden Forest. Through trees so thick and under the canopy so dark not even the bravest soul would dare venture in.

However, no one dared to consider that even a brave soul would not enter, a foolish one certainly would. A young lady, who laid claim to the keep of gold of an ex-nobles by trickery was the first and last of the fools. She took her goods as the good-men chased her down. Ducking into the forest on the whim no one would dare follow. Her whim was correct though it cost her much.

Loosing her gold to the vicious forest she had no chance but to re-treat. The forest forbade it, growing and churning to keep her inside as she ran in endless circles. Until, instead of the end, she came upon a grody manor to which she let herself inside with no hesitance. Wonder her delight when she found that the inside had been far kinder. Orante walls and Avant-Grade Roofs. Imagine her surprise when at the top of the stairs, peering down at her, was the most beautiful girl she had ever seen— ”

I’ll cut the story off there for everyone’s sanity but to summarize the rest The Theif (Named Verity) and The Princess (Named Enora) begrudgingly start to form a friendship to which Verity promises to help Enora escape her fate [to reside in the manor for the rest of her life] because she doesn’t want to live forever in punishment for her fathers crimes. But the son of the Nobleman whom imprisoned Enora in the manor gets word of it and sends one of his best hunters after them.

The girls attempt to navigate the seemingly endless manor through multiple magic rooms but end up having to lock themselves in the clock tower. In one last culmination, they both decide they know what they have to do. Locking themselves in a kiss as the Hunter breaks through the door. Though what he finds on the other side is two girls, clasped in each other’s arms, a sword through both their hearts as their bodies slowly eroded into nothing but blood. Which then began to form a different woman from both their forms, she removes the sword from her chest, kills the hunter. Then leaves. Disappearing nameless into legend.

As you could guess, the woman formed is Cyrielle. Though she had no recollection of these memories herself and memories she does have of her past actually fake (though no one knows that yet).

It’s a generational process of cycle-breaking.

Teival is the one who does the crimes. He does not feel sorry for anyone, and even trapped inside the Cauldron he will remain wicked.

Enora has to pay for them just as he does despite being innocent, having others fear her and her power simply because she was the daughter of a cruel man. All she wants is a life her own. Undecided by fate and fear.

Cyrielle is the one meant to break it. She is the creation of love between Enora and Verity even during their fates, having but one purpose but to do what they couldn’t, break free from fate. Still. Cyrielle is cursed just like Enora was.

She has Teival’s blood running through her veins just as Enora did. Only now it is less, only now is it covered by the spite that came from love. She can bleed out however much she likes but she will always be the granddaughter of Teival until the world decides she is not that, but just Cyrielle.

Teival’s Lamb. It was once the unique Magic Enora had. Now it is Cyrielle’s. The haunting reminder of their own power drags them back to their Father/Grand-father. Anytime they bleed, they can make it into something else, even something used for good. But will always feel evil because they have bled for it. Bled for it because it is his.

So that brings me to phase three;

Why and how is she at NRC?

Cyrielle would appear similar to how MC/Yuu does. Dragged to school by the dark mirror because she is filled with power magical abilities. In fact, given the fact the mirror may be even older than the school itself; my whole basis is that it immediately sensed someone equal to Teival’s power had appeared and immediately sent a carriage to retrieve them.

The problem is, Cyrielle doesn’t remember anything and what she does remember is [unknowingly] fake. Why is that you may ask?

Because The Manor is magic, I mentioned that earlier. Even if Enora had managed to escape there certainly would have been more precautions in place in case she did. One being a spell that made her drowsy, possibly making her forget everything that occurred so it was easier to transport her to somewhere back to the manor or somewhere with higher security.

Then Why is she so young then if this happened such a long time ago? I head you ask

She’s young because of the forest and because she, on some level, was literally created via magic. She wasn’t born, she was crafted. Meaning that she had more control over how she appears because just as the appearance of clay can be morphed so can she. She doesn’t realize this though as she would spend most time after the manor ordeal trying to find a way out of the forest. So long, that it would be modern day by the time she exited. Only to be subdued by magic that made her forget all that struggle.

And now that I’ve answered your questions let’s move into more of Why she’s there, shall we?

Now. The simple reason to the mirror would be ‘Hey. There was just a weird spike in really powerful magic energy. We should probably get that person an invite.’ And it did.

The more lore-complex, my reason, is because it’s a school of villains. The people here embody on some level what Cyrielle is trying to escape from. (Not that she knows that, *cough* amnesia *cough*).

So what better way to have her do that then to have her also make everyone go on a journey of self-exploration with her by pointing out their cruddy flaws and giving them some accidental therapy. Even though it’s hard because ninety-eight percent of the student population all suck.

But she’s going to try her best and, hopefully, by the time its over with she can be recognized not by her grandfather but as her own person, get her memories back, not have an identity crisis, get a really awesome boyfriend (Silver), and save some people from their toxic and dangerous qualities!

[tmae3114]

[singsong] I’ve got another AU to tell you guys about~

I’ve been alternating between calling this one the No Mist AU and the Kids From Krieger AU (based on my headcanon that “von Krieger” is a toponymic surname) and I’ve been having a lot of fun with it!

Basically, somewhere out there in the multiverse, there’s a timeline where a young Artix didn’t forget all basic advice about helping people who have fallen into rivers and he grabbed a tree branch to help pull Vayle out of the water. They both got home safely that afternoon and, without the misadventure of getting swept downriver and subsequently encountering the Darkness Orb, proceeded to not obtain the extremely tragic backstory of their entire village being destroyed in the night. They still live there, in fact!

However. Neither of these kids were ever going to grow up to be Perfectly Average Doomwood Citizens. It just wasn’t going to happen. So instead Doomwood have a couple of childhood friends running around being home-grown heroes!

Vayle found her way to necromancy on her own terms and is entirely self-taught. In a similar vein to post-Darkness Orb Saga canon Vayle, her focus is on helping the various undead roaming Doomwood, not enforcing her will on them. This has lead to more than a few clashes with inhabitants of the Necropolis when they run across each other. She is very tempted to try and track down the front door to that place so she can go yell at the Necro U faculty about what they’re teaching

And Artix... well, he found his way to that power that the Darkness Orb would have sensed in him, had things gone differently. He’s a very powerful darkness mage (Vayle has been trying and failing to get “nyctomancer” to stick for years) and his main focus with that power is keeping it under control. He is interested in the ideas Vayle’s suggested for ways to use darkness magic that aren’t necromantic and they experiment with things every so often but mostly he wants to just be able to not do things he didn’t mean to (there may or may not be a chest of accidentally created doom weapons buried somewhere in Doomwood. if there is, Vayle’s been sworn to secrecy on the matter for years)

Design notes:

Artix doesn’t have armour in this AU for the simple reason of He Can’t Afford It Yet. He’s saving up!

Vayle can indulge her much more dramatic fashion sense because [gestures at Kid Artix & Kid Vayle’s canon outfits] these two are obviously from different financial backgrounds

That said they both very much did scavenge those weapons from undead in the woods. Vayle’s using a Shake Spear’s spear. I have no idea what Artix got the sword from

Vayle has neither wings nor pointy ears because she never encountered the Darkness Orb. She does have those fancy red tattoos because as far as I can tell those are neither a Darkness Orb thing or a Noxus-trained-Necromancer thing, so I figure they’re just An Aesthetic Choice and thus this Vayle could go for them as well

I spent ages going back and forth on whether I wanted to give Artix fingerless gloves or bracers and then went “wait I can just do both and go asymmetrical”

I gave Artix thigh-high boots. You’re welcome.

[metalichotchoco]

That Dark Knight Mordekaiser and White Mage Veigar pic makes me think of a an AU where Mordekaiser is a hero. I imagine instead of becoming an undead monstrosity he achieved immortality another way: by becoming an aspect. Specifically he became the aspect of hope, since I do not want a repeat of Kayle and Morgana and hope feels like it would fit a good Mordekaiser. He did this so he could protect the world he loves forever. Veigar would have been an adventuring ally and friend back in the day and Mordekaiser is always happy to see him, he is pretty much the only one of his close allies who does not die.

Mordekaiser gaining immortality is a very cool plot point since it’s the antithesis to his goals of having the most amazing afterlife ever. Maybe he would realize that he shouldn’t be living his life for a death but rather build/ create that fantasy when he’s alive. Also veigar wouldn’t ever be in his perfect afterlife because he cannot die and if that can’t happen that’s not truly perfect.

Morde being an aspect would be really cool, depending on your interpretation you can even say that veigar could be the constellation he embodies, though personally I like to view him more similar to soraka, a celestial in this case a black hole that inhabits a “mortal” body. Also in this story Leblanc can stop being so much of a hater because she doesn’t have to keep the morde man locked up or else the world ends. Vladimir and mordekaiser don’t get along but they are both friends of veigar

[talenlee]

Story Pile: Lie To Me

New Post has been published on PRESS.exe: Story Pile: Lie To Me

A long time ago, I think discussing The Blacklist I used the term ‘crime wizards’ to refer to television programs that focus on characters who do crime in ways that are interesting and challenging to solve and create the tension or systems necessary to justify about an hour of television that can be solved by a specialised team of marketable weirdoes.

There are a lot of shows in the Crime Wizards genre, in different degrees of grittiness – like you can even point to older shows like CSI and NCIS… and along with them, in the transition between eras of Crime Wizard TV, we have this example, of a drama TV show with a compelling hook:

Fake crimes, but real wizardry.

At least, that’s the pitch.

This isn’t Blacklist, where the crime wizards have elaborate schemes with prosthetics and gross components and can dedicate dozens of extras to a new stupid setpiece every week. That isn’t to say they don’t do action, but most of the action is covered by Doctor Tim The Proctor’s Sin: He seems to really enjoy being openly awkward at people and in the first season at least, he at least once gets involved in an action sequence that involves taking a few really well-positioned falls.

But it’s that reduction in action that means most of what you see in this story is focused on these cool characters doing their own kind of crime wizardry, as they use their ‘human lie detector’ abilities to basically have conversations where they know what the other person doesn’t want them to know and it just so happens that’s the kind of thing that’s reasonably easy for a writer (who also knows the truth) can execute without a budget for special events.

What you get out of this is a crew of screwball investigators who are skilled in this specialised field. What’s nice about this lot is because there’s a single, central skillset that all these problems are built around, the cast get to have those skills as central to their characters. It’s not like a conventional Crime Wizards style story where the characters are, you know, FBI agents in the ‘hacker’ ‘gunner’ ‘asshole’ model of structure.

The main cast is, in reverse order of how much they get to do anything that matters, one (1) child, a former TSA agent, a sexual harrassment lawsuit on legs, team mom who is sad about not being a mom, and Our Hero, TimRothman Doctor At Smarts. It means any time these characters are spread out in different locations, they’re all mostly here to investigate, with a very small amount of Modest Action and therefore, the basics of the character interactions are some variation on how they relate to the protagonist of the series, Undead Gildenstern, an exceptionally talented doctor who has specialised in his original research into How People Lie.

Loker has the idea of radical honesty, which means he blurts the ‘first thing’ he’s thinking of. This isn’t true, because he’s also capable of not keeping up a non-stop stream of absolutely stupid stuff while he processes complicated thoughts, but it does make for convenient cover of how he sexually harrasses a new coworker the first time he sees her.

That new coworker is Torres, and she’s meant to be a ‘natural’ talent at lie detection, separating her from the protagonist Tim The Rothman Trainer. She worked for the TSA, where she was extremely efficient and extremely good at her job, which I think means that she harrassed twice as many brown people and disabled people as normal? Her job is to be the protege, the person who the research gets explained to, and to make some of the most shudderingly terrible decisions you can possibly make in the circumstances.

Gillian is a positively delightful character in how she talks to people and what she focuses on, all those details and things she’s paying attention to, at least early on, when she’s not primarily a lens to look at the protagonist more. She’s charming and she’s fun and also there to tell the protagonist that oh, hey, no, you’re overstepping the line or we have to do these things this way for these particular sources because it pays the bills. You know, basically a office assistant.

FInally there’s the protagonist, Doctor Cal Lightman, which is such a great self-insert name. The guy’s a lie expert, and the puzzle of how the case of the day is saved is all about getting him into the closed space with the people who know things and want to conceal it from him. The result is a lot of fun scenes of Tim Roth making someone uncomfortable by being really weird, and that is a task at which Mr Roth is incredibly well suited. The character gets to explain the principles underpinning his behaviour afterwards, even if most of what he’s doing is just typical cons and tricks like you’d see from a detective who wasn’t constrained by principles of uh, like, laws and legal provenance. It’s all very Science Sounding, built on the tantalising premise of a drama series based on the real-world work of Paul Ekman.

This research is, of course, absolute bullshit.

The ‘science’ underpinning Lie To Me is the 100% unfalsifiable pet project of a weirdo who has some let’s say, odd takes. Phil Ekman’s work on microexpressions is not something he’s subjected to peer review, which makes sense, because what he has submitted into public review that got any kind of peer review is a test that the TSA use. This test is, after testing, about as reliable as a coin flip, and mostly doesn’t do anything to defray the personal biases of the participants which means it’s really surprising how often the searches done by the TSA are divided along pre-existing racial and gender biases, weird.

There’s also the way that people who study emotion formation and expression can ‘find no evidence supporting’ Ekman’s entire idea of a universal, simple human language of expressions, which may sound like it’s not a particularly damning indictment until you realise that Ekman’s position is that there is a universal ruleset for all human communication and they can’t find it. If a surgeon said every human had a particular organ and no other researcher could find it, that’s a pretty stiff contrapoint.

This is all also setting aside the way that many researchers like Ekman handle neurodivergent experiences in their approach, which is: They don’t. Too hard, let’s just pretend this universal human experience is universal but it doesn’t include autistic people. This is part of my beef with Caillois’ writing in Man, Play & Games and also Czik- you know what no I’m going to copy paste the name Czihczentmihaly from a google search like every other weak english-language writer does. The point is that there are a lot of these people who are doing work with things that are meant to be universally human that just happen to want to ignore the existence of anything but the most simple of neurotypicals.

It makes sense though that Ekman’s theories would appeal because they make something very difficult (working out what’ strue or not) into something very easy. What’s more, it looks convincing, if you’re dealing with the small bubbles of personal experience. It’s very possible to make a good guess at someone just by observing them, and observing their reaction to the guess – it’s a skill known as cold reading, and it’s a type of manipulation.

This work of Ekman’s is fundamental to the whole wing of ‘body language expertise’ you see on the internet, by the way. Any news program that brings one of them on is basically bringing on a pompous dipshit to espouse their personal biases and draw all sorts of inferences from any given body language detail they want to freeze frame on and go in on at detail. And remember, when they tout them as ‘FBI interrogation expert’ you have to remember how much ‘FBI interrogation’ relies on the leveraged power of a state apparatus that can put you in a box forever. It’s hard to explain how you’re ‘good at something’ when you’re just one part of a toolset that includes life ending torture.

Point is: this whole series is built on a field of pseudoscience popularised and widespread today because of a population of idiots, liars, and assholes.

But that’s what makes the big twist at the heart of Lie To Me all the funnier, something that would have been, in my opinion, the absolute top tier of all possible conclusions: The discovery that Dr Timroth is 100% a con artist and his entire school of research is based on faking seeming sciencey and everyone believes him because it’s very easy to convince white people of things and cops don’t put any energy into doing their jobs.

Of course that’s not where the series goes – I didn’t watch more than the first season, with its maudlin, soppy vision of ‘crime drama’ and its escalated, preposterous reality. Oh, our protagonist, with his deep insights into truth and lies, and how challenging he is to contend with, how difficult his life is, being the one person who can solve the puzzles presented to him by a disconnected sequence of crime wizards. But what I want is a sudden, sharp, embarrassing twist when someone shows up from an actual university trying to ask if Doctor Rothli has some time to go over some replication problems because, well, after all the work he does with the FBI then surely, surely it can’t be that he’s just making shit up —

and suddenly the last part of the series turns into an immense catch-me-if-you-can mystery where our protagonist gets revealed as nothing more and nothing less than a con artist, but whose con was on the police system and who was doing it just because any fairy story that let them feel like they had an inside track was what it took to accept even a bullshit skillset applied to the task of solving crimes.

Not what it is, not where it goes. It winds up being about… like, a divorced dad’s sadfeels or something, who cares.

Check it out on PRESS.exe to see it with images and links!

[raeynbowboi]

Disney Villains in DnD

With the Disney Princesses and Princes, I put them into parties, but for the villains, I’m going to start by listing the ones powerful enough to be a Warlock Patron in descending order of power (by their base form). The rest are ordered by the release date of their film. I’m not going to cover all of the Disney villains in this one post, as there’s just too many, and not all of them map easily onto DnD.

CHERNABOG THE DARK MASTER

AS BIG BAD: Archfield Patron Warlock (Asmodeus)

As Playable Character:

Race: Asmodeus Tiefling Background: Courtier Class: Divine Soul Sorcerer (Evil) Skills: Insight, Deception, Intimidation, Persuasion

The Devil on Bald Mountain, Chernabog stands as Satan and Lucifer incarnate, the Disney-Canon equivalent to the Prince of Darkness, and the ruler of Hell. Like with Maleficent and Hades, Chernabog lacks a stat block, being a Greater Deity, and King of the Archfiends, Ruler of the Nine Hells. As a playable character, Chernabog doesn’t lend out his hellish powers or get them from an outside source. Instead he is a Tiefling with the infernal bloodline of Asmodeus (Lawful Evil) running through his veins. When he was an angel, Lucifer would have been a courtier, standing in the shining Court of Heaven before he was banished to Hell. His skills make him adept at lying to and manipulating people, as Insight lets him learn a person’s desires, and then use lies and honeyed words to lead them astray in his service. Consider this a free “how to play as satan” build.

MALEFICENT THE WICKED FAIRY

As Big Bad: The Raven Queen

As Playable Character:

Race: Hexblood Background: Noble (History, Persuasion Intimidation) Class: Wildfire Druid Skills: Arcana, History, Intimidation, Perception

Lore-wise, Maleficent uses “All the Powers of Hell”, but in terms of Dungeons and Dragons, the Wildfire Druid gives Maleficent the best parallels to her powers, as she’s able to grow a wall of thorns, call a bolt of lightning, Polymorph into a fire-breathing dragon, and spread fire. It also works lore-wise as the Wildfire Druid destroys the very forest they swore to protect. As a Hexblood, Maleficent becomes a fey hag, able to curse princesses and disguise herself as a racial ability. As the Big Bad, Maleficent maps perfectly onto the Raven Queen, ruling over the shadowfell, summoning the Heartless to do her biding, and loaning Diablo to those who worship or swear fealty to the Raven Queen.

HADES GOD OF THE UNDERWORLD

As Big Bad: Hades/Death God

As Playable Character:

Race: Mephistopheles Tiefling/Reborn Background: Charlatan Class: Death Cleric Skills: Deception, Insight, Persuasion, Sleight of Hand

For Hades, the God of the Dead, making him into a Cleric was a no-brainer. But Clerics have very limited options for fire magic. Sacred flame and Flame Strike both deal radiant damage, and their only other fire spell is Searing Smite which they got in the spell list expansion. But as a Mephistopheles Tiefling, Hades can also gain temporary access to Burning Hands and Flame Blade, along with Mage Hand. Mephistopheles is also the demon best known for making a deal with Faust, a trait shared by the deal-making Hades. If you’re not feeling the fire theme, or your DM doesn’t like the tiefling subraces, Hades can also work as a Reborn.

THE HORNED KING MASTER OF THE CAULDRON BORN

As Big Bad: Undead/Undying Warlock Patron (Lich)

As Playable Character:

Race: Reborn Background: Noble (History, Persuasion Intimidation) Class: Necromancy Wizard Skills: Arcana, History, Intimidation, Investigation

Ironically, there is a new magic item that maps perfectly onto the Black Cauldron, the Cauldron of Rebirth. But oddly, it can only be attuned by a Druid or Warlock, and the Necromancy Wizard creates the strongest undead thralls, as he adds his Proficiency Bonus to their attack and damage rolls. But if you’d rather have the Horned King be able to use the Cauldron of Rebirth, then make him a Spores Druid. If you absolutely must go warlock, make him an Undead Warlock. As a Warlock Patron, he would be a Lich. In the Chronicles of Prydain books, he served Arawn, God of Death. But the Horned King serves no such master in the Disney film.

JAFAR THE GRAND VIZIER

As Big Bad: Genie Warlock Patron (Efreeti)

Race: Human/Fire Genasi Background: Courtier (Insight, Persuasion) Class: Genie Warlock (Djinni)/Wild Magic Sorcerer Skills: Arcana, Deception, Insight, Persuasion

Jafar is the only one of the patron villains who themselves is a warlock to another patron. In his human form, Jafar has little to no powers. Everything Jafar is able to do is through either his magic snake staff or Genie’s magic. It’s only once he becomes a genie himself that Jafar has his own powers. So, Jafar here is split between two builds. As a human, he’s a warlock relying on a djinni. As a genie himself, he’s a wild magic sorcerer. Technically, he could be both. Play Jafar however you want. As a big bad, Jafar is stuck as one of the most subserviant types of warlock patron, which isn’t so surprising why he’s this low on the patron scale. Only Ursula is technically weaker than him, but that’s only true when she’s in her base form. Once she wields the trident, Ursula is even more powerful than The Horned King.

URSULA THE SEA WITCH

As Big Bad: Fathomless Warlock Patron (Sea Hag/Kraken)

As Playable Character:

Race: Triton Background: Courtier (Insight, Persuasion) Class: Glamour Bard Skills: Arcana, Deception, Insight, Performance, Persuasion Items: Circlet of Human Perfection (reskin as seashell necklace)

I built Ariel as a Fathomless Warlock because in order for her to be on land, she had to make a deal with Ursula. So, with Ursula on land, she can masquerade as Vanessa, using Ariel’s voice to charm and manipulate people. We even see Ursula do this when she charms Eric, so we know that as Vanessa, Ursula could easily run a successful criminal empire using Ariel’s voice to hypnotize and manipulate people into obeying her orders. The Circlet of Human Perfection allows Ursula to maintain a perfect beautiful human disguise without having to eat up spell slots. As a Fathomless Patron, Ursula in her base form is a simple Sea Hag, being much weaker. But once she gets a hold of Dekella, the Bident of Thassa from King Triton, she can grow in both size and power to rival the might of a Kraken. And with Thassa’s divine bident, Ursula can command the tides and all the beasts and monstrosities within it, puting her nearly on par with the powers of a goddess of the sea. But unlike Hades, Maleficent, and Chernabog, even at her near godlike power, Ursula still has a stat block, her bident can still be taken from her, and she can still be slain and defeated.

QUEEN GRIMHILDE THE EVIL QUEEN

Race: Human Background: Noble (History, Persuasion Intimidation) Class: Alchemist Artificer Skills: Arcana, History, Intimidation, Investigation

I really did consider the Transmutation Wizard for Grimhilde, as it has the power to cast polymorph for all of your Frog Prince needs, and a master transmuter can even Restore Youth. But then, the alchemist can brew a potion of transformation, and the chemistry set is clearly how we see Grimhilde using magic. The only magic she performs without the chemistry set is when she creates a gust of wind in front of her magic mirror. She doesn’t even create the lightning bolt for her transformation spell, it just happens to be storming outside, so she’s not controlling the weather either. Plus, the most powerful spell she has is the poisoned apple and she has to summon a bolt of lightning to cast Alter Self, a 2nd level spell. By DnD standards, Grimhilde’s not really that powerful. She doesn’t even fight the player herself in Kingdom Hearts: Birth by Sleep.  If you want Grimhilde to be more magical, then go with Transmutation Wizard, but if you want to be more accurate, the Alchemist is how Grimhilde does her magic. Yzma from The Emperor’s New Groove shares a nearly identical build.

CAPTAIN HOOK THE GENTLEMAN THIEF

Race: Human Background: Pirate (Athletics, Perception) Class: Swashbuckler Rogue Skills: Athletics, Deception, Insight, Intimidation, Perception, Persuasion

While Hook’s still a putrid coward, he holds himself quite well, and is the epitome of Lawful Evil, maintaining a strict personal moral code to clash with Peter’s frankly Chaotic Neutral “heroism”. Hook’s not really good at the normal rogue skills like hiding or thieving, but he shines as a manipulative double-talking liar. Long John Silver from Treasure Planet has a similar build.

GASTON LEGUME THE HANSOME HUNTER

Race: Human Background: Folk Hero (Animal Handling Persuasion, Survival) Class: Monster Slayer Ranger Skills: Athletics, Perception, Persuasion Stealth, Survival

As the strapping hero of Belle’s Village, Gaston has the favor of his entire community, keeping them safe from any and all beasties that lurk beyond the city. Too bad he’s as rotten as they come. Likely one of the weakest villains in terms of pure power scale as little more than a local hero, he’s still an iconic enough villain I couldn’t resist adding him. Clayton from Tarzan shares a similar build.

SCAR THE USURPER OF PRIDE ROCK

Race: Leonin Background: Noble (History, Persuasion) Class: Oath of Treachery Paladin Fighting Style: Unarmed Skills: History, Insight, Intimidation, Persuasion

Simba was a druid because he was a wise king who could call upon his people to stand beside him. Scar is a paladin because he has devoted himself to a single goal: his own personal power. Scar shows little wisdom, but has a strong character and savvy charms about him that make him better suited as a CHA caster.

JUDGE CLAUDE FROLLO THE JUDGE OF PARIS

Race: Human Background: Investigator Class: Light Cleric Skills: Insight, Investigation, Persuasion, Religion

This was an easy villain to build. As a religious man worshipping God (who would def fall under Life, Light, and maybe Knowledge) Frollo would go for the one that lets him keep witches warm. His background was chosen as an investigator because he’s responsible for keeping the peace in Paris, and there wasn’t a background option for lawmaker. Noble or Courtier might have worked, but didn’t seem quite like the right fit as they deal more with aristocratic authority and royal court politics.

RIKU THE HEARTLESS KEYBLADE MASTER

Race: Human Background: Soldier (Athletics, Intimidation) Class: Raven Queen Warlock/Hexblade Warlock, Shadow Sorcerer Pact Boon: Blade Skills: Arcana, Athletics, Deception, Intimidation

In the first Kingdom Hearts game, Riku spends most of the game being manipulated by Maleficent. His DnD counterpart would surely be a warlock to her. But Maleficent oddly has not one but three possible warlock patron options. As the Raven Queen, she obviously has the Raven Queen Warlock, but the Raven Queen also created the Hexblade, which come from the Shadowfell, which she rules over. The third is unique to Maleficent, as she is a fairy, and a powerful one at that. Making her a valid choice for an Archfey Warlock. Archfey doesn’t quite fit Riku, but the other two do, and as a Sorcerer, Riku draws power from the Shadowfell which his patron rules over.

DR. FACILIER THE SHADOW MAN

Race: Human Background: Charlatan (Deception, Sleight of Hand) Class: Fiend Warlock Skills: Arcana, Deception, Persuasion, Sleight of Hand

It’s kind of hard to deny that Dr. Facilier is obviously a warlock, though his patron options don’t really come close to a neat fit. Among his choices though, fiend comes the closest to selling his soul to the Other Siders or Shadow Folk. It’s possible he could have sold his soul to the Raven Queen and his shadowy friends are the emissaries of the shadowfell, but as he has no raven or crow familiar, that’s a somewhat weak comparison.

[cocoabubbelle]

Watching “Scooby Doo, Where Are You?” (1969-1970 CBS) + Thoughts

Episode 8: Foul Play in Funland

No opening scenes of criminal shenanigans

I don’t think any of the episodes I watched so far had a sunrise/sunset scene yet. The environmental background colors and scenery continue to improve and impress!

Good to know that the Scooby gang has other normal interests besides sticking their noses in mysterious shenanigans where they don’t belong.

Scooby had a food he DOESN’T like? I’ve never had clams so I can’t judge. Also, more headcanon confirmation that Daphne x Shaggy are or have been secretly besties.

Velma is condescending towards Daphne for even commenting that the closed Funland looks—not is—spooky and haunted at night, only for the amusement park to suddenly light up. These girls should stop dismissing each other’s facts/feelings.

Shaggy has maybe learned his lesson from accepting food that appears out of nowhere (see Episode 3: Hassle in the Castle) when his requested malt and a hotdog slide by themselves to him at an abandoned food stall.

So far no one questions why the place is running.

Daphne shows responsibility when reminding Freddy to restack the bottles he knocked over with a ball. Freddy shows integrity by paying for the game after he somehow gets a weird-looking prize. They + Velma remember why they came to investigate in the first place when the cashier rings up the 25 cents Fred paid by itself. I’m calling shenanigans that the game wasn’t rigged for Fred to lose.

Animation Blooper: Daphne has whites in her eyes. No seriously, it looks weird after so many episodes of the characters having nude-colored sclerae.

Treats and games back then sure used to be cheap, weren’t they?

Shaggy calls the mysterious marching robotic figure he and Scooby notice “faster than a speeding bullet.” Scooby’s deduction? “Superman!” 😆 It’s official; this episode single-handedly inspired Brad Bird to create The Iron Giant.

Leopoldo the Leopard is probably a Jaguar.

Scooby can’t pick up the mystery robot man’s scent. Shaggy insists only ghosts don’t have scents. Does that mean other undead and supernatural creatures have scents?

Shaggy and Scooby follow the potentially dangerous robot figure in the Hall of Mirrors, like any sane teenager and dog would do. If this was a horror or thriller, there would not be a happy outcome to this. IT vs Scooby Gang Crossover, anyone?

They immediately goof around with their reflections and get surprised when the robot man silently sneaks up on them. Like I said, if this was a horror or thriller…

Fred’s motivation for helping a mysterious person seemingly stuck in the Ferris wheel ride is to ask him questions, not to help him be safe. Our hero, everyone.

Daphne wants to leave Funland after all of the lights go out, not when the game booth stacked its bottles, gave Fred a prize, and rang up his money all by itself.

The Scooby Gang tell the caretakers of the amusement park all of the strange happenings about it and the mysterious figure while conveniently leaving out the parts where they goofed around with the games and food.

Caretakers deny seeing the lights go on despite living right next to the amusement park. Caretakers are either blind, senile, or guilty (Ms. Jenkins, the sister of Mr. Jenkins, is especially rude.).

“Shaggy…sometimes I think you’d rather eat pizza pie than solve a mystery.” Daphne x Shaggy. Besties? Like siblings? Romantic Potential? I mean, there’s got to be a reason why out of all the Scooby Gang members, Daphne was the only one brought back to solve mysteries with Shaggy and Scooby for a while.

Lights of Funland go back on, but everything is working improperly, because of shenanigans.

Scooby miffed that Shaggy intercepted his aim to receive the flying hotdogs because he doesn’t like sharing food. Shaggy reminds him and the audience that Scooby isn’t the only big eater of the group.

Anyone who has rowed on a boat or a canoe: how important is it to row on both sides as opposed to only one side?

Robot man rudely knocks Scooby Gang out their boat and into the water, prompting this exchange: “DON’T PANIC! I’LL SAVE YA!!” “Thanks, Shaggy. But why don’t we just walk out?” Shaggy’s a coward, but you can’t deny that he’s a sweet one.

Writers attempt to remind viewers that Daphne’s the girly one by having her more upset that the Robot man got her hair wet than the fact he nearly hurt them.

Shaggy uses only .00000001% of his power to play the strongman game/strength tester/high striker and comes off as weak so not to strike fear in the hearts of the young children viewing this episode. What did I tell you? A sweetheart.

Reading the strength levels from weakest to strongest: Cream Puff (now I’m hungry); Softie; Weakling; Big Boy; Man; He-Man; Superman; Bell. I now want a He-Man vs Superman brawl to confirm this.

Robot Man chased Scooby and Shaggy to roller-coaster. In the first shot he is five cars behind Scooby + Shaggy with at least three cars behind him, but in the next shot there are no cars behind him. Either artists forgot, everyone got out of their initial cars and each moved three cars down, or shenanigans.

Velma, Fred, and Daphne watch in horror on the ground as Robot Man gains on Shaggy and Scooby on the roller-coaster. Daphne is holding on to Fred’s arm in worry. The multi shipper in me is still okay with Fred x Daphne, but as a newly converted Daphne x Shaggy shipper the Fred x Daphne moments don’t feel the same anymore*.

I choose not to interpret Velma only calling out to Shaggy and not both him and Scooby to jump to safety as Velma not caring for Scooby’s well-being because that’s just rude. That and she was happy that they both made it.

Robot man does the Pocahontas dive (before Pocahontas did it years later, that copycat) off of the roller-coaster track and into the circus tent. Majestic. 👏🏻

“It defies all the known laws of physics.” Velma you hang out with a talking anthropomorphic dog that can eat anything normal canines shouldn’t eat. Let’s not bring up the laws of anything science related.

I appreciate the change of teams in which Velma + Scooby get to get into accidental shenanigans together as opposed to being limited to only Shaggy + Scooby.

Velma has a lot of book sense but not a lot of common sense when she immediately mistakes the amusement park walking areas for a wide street (though admittedly they can be wide when there’s barely anyone around.) and the robot man for a policeman that’s suddenly there. As a person with horrible vision without lenses, I refuse to accept this stereotype that we lose our smarts whenever we lose our glasses. 🤓

The cotton candy in the opening theme song’s final scene is a lot more detailed than here as Scooby licks it off him.

Day 6 of Fred setting up traps.

Animation Blooper: Fred’s eyes momentarily disappear in what I can only assume to be a glitchy blink.

For once, Scooby does not need the help of Scooby Snacks to be motivated to take on a role (since the other option was to ride the bumper car with Velma again.)

I personally have little interest in Wax museums. A Twilight Zone episode about mannequins made sure of that.

^to anyone who’s wondering what brought about this comment, Scooby spends the climax of the episode hiding in different places of a wax museum from the Robot Man because the writers realized that they almost wrapped up the story too quickly and need these shenanigans to pad the remaining part of the episode until the catch and reveal.

The first time Fred’s trap actually works and the person caught happens to be an actual man of steel (robot in this case) named Charlie. Mr. Jenkins created him to help out with the amusement park.

It turns out Ms. Jenkins purposely caused Charlie to go haywire and sabotaged Mr. Jenkins and the Scooby Gang’s attempts to stop Charlie without damaging him. She’s painted as being in the right because “kids need humans” instead of machines to have fun and be safe. This moral would have worked better if, again, Ms. Jenkins didn’t go out of her way to intentionally mess up an initially helpful robot to a walking disaster and put others in danger to prove a point just because she didn’t agree with having him there. If you have to create your own problem in order to prove yourself right about something you don’t like, I think that says a lot more about you than what you realize. Poor Charlie.

Day 8 of no “And I would have gotten away with it too, if it weren’t for you meddling kids.”

Ms. Jenkins should have received some sort of callout to her actions. This brings up the question: does anyone remember if there are any female culprits (besides the ones in Zombie Island) that get caught and receive comeuppance for their actions in the history of Scooby Doo, especially BEFORE the 90s???

[esperanta-dragon]

I feel like there is a need to write down why so many people hate Sylvanas so much, me included. Maybe you can’t stand her too OR you love her and you don’t understand why the hell people can hate such an amazing character. Here is why. And I will try to write this down logically as possible. No “hur dur I hate her because she is a bitch!”. No, I will put down all things so you can understand. And one sad disclaimer... it’s not the character’s fault.

WHY WE STARTED TO LOVE HER

Sylvanas showed up in Warcraft III as a Ranger General of Quel’thalas. She was protecting her country for quite some time when Arthas attacked Eversong Woods in order to get to Sunwell and resurrect Kel’Thuzad as a lich. Sylvanas paid with her life and her soul to protect her people and her country. She was made banshee and was forced to do things against her will and serve the Scourge she hated. But she was still plotting her revenge, didn’t give up until the moment came and she took the chance. She reclaimed her body back and almost killed Arthas, and took over Lordaeron City. Then she took over the undead slowly freeing from the Lich King’s grasp and gave them a place where to stay, becoming their Queen. And since then, she was planning to kill the Lich King for good.

That’s why we loved her (I never did, I will explain that later why). She really kicked his ass. She slapped the Scourge in the face. She never gave up and was doing everything to achieve her goals, her revenge. There are not so many such strong female characters, so resolute. She was not good but also not evil, she was shady, she was not the boring good guy. So why the hell people hate her? She is perfect! Let’s go to what happened during and after WotLK... Because here it starts.

WRATH OF THE LICH KING

As I said, many people adore Sylvanas since Warcraft III. But they don’t understand the character is not the same. She was never good, she was an anti-hero, that’s the fact (the Ebon Blade are also anti-heroes and they are not bad, they just do necessary things to keep the Scourge in check). She was doing everything to take revenge on Arthas. And everything means that she had no problems walking over corpses of her allies. Causalities because of my fault? Pfft! No matter as long as the piece of trash sitting on the Frozen Throne will get what he deserves!

This was pretty much visible after Wrathgate when Varimathras and Putress tried to take over Undercity and Alliance and the Horde saw what she is doing inside the city. Still fine, it was in character, she was doing EVERYTHING to take revenge on Arthas. Everything. That’s why she existed, why she kept going. Even back then, I didn’t hate her. She was still a very well-written character. This is what a character in her position would do. 

But once everything was done, the Lich King was taken care of, she realized there is no point in her existence. She saw the Lich King was not destroyed. They only replaced him. So she threw herself from the Icecrown Citadel and fell on saronite spikes, the only thing that could definitely kill her.

And she ended up in a dark place. And the pain she felt was not like anything she felt before. It was the most horrible, the most inconsolable place. But val’kyras came down to her and sacrificed for her to get her back. Now we know what happened as we progress in the Shadowlands but... let’s say this was the beginning of the end for a good character Sylvanas once was. This was a start of cliché, inconsistency, and a great example that good characters should be allowed to go and leave so they can be remembered as a good characters.

WHAT CHANGED

Look, I came to WoW really late. I was playing on WotLK free servers as I could not afford to pay for official servers. But I knew the story in WotLK and I was still pretty ok with Sylvanas. I don’t remember hating her this much. She was well written.

It was Cataclysm Firelands patch when I finally could come to official servers. And Sylvanas was already doing pretty shady and disgusting stuff. I played Forsaken starting quest line so I know. Raising undead like the Lich King did? No problem for her. She even said she is like Arthas but she is working for the Horde (she never cared for them anyway, it was just more beneficial for her). What happened in Gilneas was not alright. Who gases the whole zone and making it inhabitable? Alright, let’s say Horde was expanding and Gilneas was next to Lordaeron. Alright. But back then, I finally dove deep into lore and I’ve noticed many people are really devoted to Sylvanas. It seemed almost like a cult. And every time I asked people, why they love this psyhopathic banshee, they were like: “She is my Queen! I love her, I would die for her! She is cool, she is taking care of us, she has a good heart!”

Something was amiss here... I couldn’t understand this. I couldn’t see what they saw. I saw a shady, ruthless and careless psychopath who is using her loyal subjects to save herself from something. And many people believed it even in BfA. Me and my friend had to show them excerpts from short stories where she say that “once they were arrows in her quiver, now they are bulwark against the darkness”. They couldn’t believe they loved Queen would not love them back!

But hey, still, I wanted to understand why people love her. I would understand if it would be still Warcraft III or WotLK, that’s fine. But Cata? Legion? BfA? Shadowlands? 

So I started reading all books, short stories where she was. Articles about her. I tried to catch the glimpse of why people loved her: the majority told me she is still good and has a good heart and she is an amazing person. But I didn’t see it. Maybe I am stupid and I don’t understand, I am missing something... So I kept studying, trying to see anything good in her, I was failing. I saw a character falling more down into a pit full of anger and hate. Her loyalists said she was an amazing creature, loving, caring.

And the more I was told by people that she is caring and she has a good heart, the more I was getting disgusted and angry because the more I was reading about her and the more her loyalists told me, the more I saw what Sylvanas is: inconsistent character.

WHAT IS WRONG WITH SYLVANAS

In one book she was written like this. In another book, she was written like that. In one quest it was like this, then it was like that. In one expansion she behaved this way, in the next expansion, it was that way. She was doing more and more twisted things and her loyalists kept telling me she has a good heart. My frustration was growing to the point I could not stand her. It felt like I’ve met the person I knew was torturing her friends but when I met them, they told me with bruises on their faces and definitely mentally abused that she is amazing and it’s not her fault, she is just misunderstood and I should love her too.

When she killed Liam Greymane, loyalists were like: “I have no clue why Genn hates her so much! That stupid dog should die!” Yeah right, somebody kills your son and destroys your home, you have no reason to be angry, it’s ok.

She burns down Teldrassil and they said: “Why Tyrande wants to kill her? I hope Sylvanas kills her first!” Sure, somebody burns down a city with thousands of innocent people, it’s fine, let them go, no hard feelings. And sometimes these people are able to justify her actions with: “But this is fantasy! There is different morale than in real world!” Please, guys, never ever write a story. Never touch it. You will end up like Steve Danuser making characters to behave like idiots and without emotions. Stay away. Please. Do world the favor.

I was trying really hard. Trying to figure out what kind of character she is. Find a pattern. Because you can write a chaotic character and still find a pattern and it can be still a consistent character. But Sylvanas? I felt more and more that not even Blizzard knows what to do with her, how to write her... she felt more and more inconsistent and out of place with every expansion. And you know what? That happens to characters which are kept in the story longer than they should. If character losts a meaning of their existence, there are only two options: you either let them go or you have to find them a new meaning. And in case of Sylvanas, the second option led to a narrative disaster.

We were told by Blizzard: “Don’t worry! Everything falls in place! It makes sense what she does!” But after the Sanctum of Domination finale? It was a big fat lie...

Before I come to the cinematic, let me tell you what made me hate her beyond every possible measure: her fandom.

HITLER HAD A GOOD HEART!

In Legion, she was doing shady stuff. But in BfA? She became a Hitler. She burned down Teldrassil because... IDK she snapped and wanted to show one elven archer that you can kill hope? And what kind of catapults she had has reach 20 km? What kind of catapults can burn down incredibly big tree SOAKED in water with thick bark. Was that azerite or... no, I am not gonna get angry. And I won’t even start with the b*shit Blizzard pulled: “Look, just because Sylvanas is right in front of Teldrassil doesn’t mean it was her who burned it down!” They had to lie to us to look that they can create a better story than what it actually is.

She destroyed Undercity so Forsaken lost their home. Is this how you take care of your subjects if you are loving and caring? I think not.

And with her actions, millions of souls from the whole cosmos are going right into the Maw for eternal suffering. And why? Because she was scared. Because instead of thinking about herself and trying to change, she rather schemed with the god of death... who was responsible for her misery. And even teamed with Kel’Thuzad, who was reason of her fate in the first place! And yet, after all this, after mass genocide, destroying souls, millions, maybe billions of souls are suffering because of her... and you can still tell me there is still good in her and she deserves redemption arch... And with love say: “She got us into this, she will get us out of this <3 ^_^” So somebody is making everybody suffer and some people are like “Ooooh it’s fine, I support her! I bet she will realize what she is doing and she will save us!” Would you say the same about Hitler? That he was misunderstood, he was trying to fix something that’s why he murdered millions of people? I am just asking what kind of people her loyalists are in real life.

I have a question... would you still love her if she was a man? Or decomposing undead? Or if she wouldn’t be sexy elf at all? If she would be ugly? I think we all know the answer (disclaimer, beautiful people are not always kind and nice, what a surprise). I bet she would be already killed or hated by majority of the community at least two expansions back. Why Garrosh had to stand trial for war crimes and Sylvanas doesn’t? To be honest, I never liked Garrosh, I hated him, but I never hated him as much I hate Sylvanas. He was at least consistent to his very last moment. But I am fed up by the fact that everybody keeps excusing what she does just because she is a sexy elf. This is not character I can respect. How can you say about such character that she is cool when you know she is commiting genocide? Let’s replace her with ugly elf and let’s see how many of you will still love her.

If you love her because she is a crazy homicidal maniac and you want her to do evil stuff, go ahead, nothing wrong with you, it’s fine. You love her because you think that she has a good heart and she is sending millions of souls into hell because she wants to help us? Take your pills and think twice before going on date with a manipulative person who will use you, beat you but will tell you they love you so much while cheating on you. Thanks.

If you are lying to yourself that she is good and has a good heart because you are afraid you wouldn’t like her anymore as a bad guy, then you love illusion you made around her, not the character itself. And you should seriously think if you really love the character if you need to change it that much in your mind to keep loving her.

GRAND FINALE

“If they are gonna give her redemption arch, I am gonna puke.” Many people told me, they would not. They are not gonna do it. She is beyond redemption, she is antagonist, period. Guess what, they did. The cheapest way possible.

Blizzard kept telling us everything will make sense in the end, why she did all these things. But it did not. And it only confirmed my greatest fear: Sylvanas is an inconsistent character since Cataclysm.

Sylvanas was afraid to go to the Maw. So she got an amazing idea. Let’s free the god of death, the malevolent creature trapped there because for sure he is suffering just like me, and injustice was done to him. He is the reason of my suffering because he made Helm of Domination and Frostmourne, that’s why I was killed and I am like this? I am sure he is a good guy, in the end, let’s remake reality so there is no life and death! That guy must be pretty ok. Oh wait his job is to torture souls? No, I don’t believe he is bad.

So when Jailer gets all he wanted, ofc he say that he will remake all reality and everybody will serve. And Sylvanas realizes: “Oh my, he is just like the Lich King! I didn’t want this! I will never serve!” Even she served him for the past few expansions. And suddenly she sees he is a bad guy. Suddenly.

And then, Jailer gives her half of her soul back... So... this is the explanation? She was doing all this because she was not whole? Is this an excuse for genocide? Now we will all feel sorry for her? Tell her it’s ok, you were not yourself?

I am saying this all the years and I will say it again: the Ebon Blade are order full of those with a fate like Sylvanas. The whole order. Multiple characters suffered under the Lich King like her, lost themselves, were made to kill their friends, their families. And they, too, took revenge on him. But instead of going crazy and trying to hurt everybody because they were hurt, they tried to help and protect people. Maybe they are missing part of their souls too. But are they running around, burning innocents, committing genocide? No. So please, the is no excuse, she was aware of what she was doing. I am not buying this and for sure this won’t make me feel sorry for her. It was her choice. You can be depressed and hurt into the very core and still decide not to be homicidal maniac.

Another annoying thing is, Blizzard kept telling us she is a master strategist and she is highly inteligent. Would a highly inteligent person try to help somebody responsible for her suffering? Being ok with them? There was not shown how come she is ok with the Jailer! Look I thought she is smart but after the cinematic, she does not look like that.

What was her plan anyway? Did she believe such creature won’t betray her, he won’t dump her? I was hoping he will dump her and kill her. That would be the only ending fitting for the character. I didn’t want another Kerrigan, I didn’t want redemption arch for her... I was hoping I will finally like her as a villain. Now I can’t... there is no way I will like her ever again because Blizzard probably can’t do just evil characters. There always must be something behind, some explanation why they are like this. “I was good this whole time!” And I am tired of this... Suddenly I like Garrosh because he was an asshole but he was consistent. He had a good ending. He “died” like a boss.

THEY SHOULD HAVE LET HER DIE

And I mean it. If they would let her go after WotLK, it would be a good ending for her. Tragic end for the tragic character. She fulfilled her purpose and she would be remembered as a good consistent character. But she is making a lot of money, many people love her (not anymore, even people who liked her hate her now and her fanbase is getting smaller) so Blizzard decided they have to milk her as much as possible.

I think everything good should come to an end. “You would either die as a hero or live long enough to become a villain.” In this case “You would either die as a good character or live long enough to become inconsistent and annoying character.” And it happened.

Remember how people were angry how Thrall is getting a lot of attention in Cata? Haha, good old times. How about Sylvanas in 3 expansion cinematics (and some side cinematics like Reckoning, etc) and 2 expansions fully focusing on her (and some other expansions where she is a lot too). How about the 15th figure in a row. And 4th Blizzcon art. And I can keep going.

Metzen had favorite characters... but they were never overused as much as Sylvanas. Vol’jin was warchief for 1 expansion where he did nothing and then he died so she could take lead in story. So many characters are forgotten, pushed down so she can be on the spotlight. And I am sick of it. This is not single player, this is MMORPG. The world feels ridiculously small thanks to this, we have more characters than Sylvanas + 5 characters they keep using and recycling all the time.

And keep using Sylvanas and putting her into the spotlight all the time did not help. You can start hating character you liked before just because you have enough of them and you want to see other characters. This world has a big potential. So many characters are unused because of Sylvanas. Because the lead narrative designer loves her so much that he had to make her the main character of WoW and doesn’t care there is a whole world to take care of. And he does the worst job possible. Because he tried to make her complicated and complex and in the end he was just trying to make it look like that but it didn’t work out. It was just inconsistent. It didn’t fall in place.

Her plot armor is so laughable and it’s the most annoying thing about Sylvanas. How characters around her are so stupid and dumb so they can let her do such stuff (hello Horde in BfA). The whole universe and Blizzard especially is protecting Sylvanas of any harm. How can you like such character when it behaves like Mary Sue? I didn’t want to see cinematic how she comes and beat up really powerful guy without any issues. You know how interesting would be if Four Horsemen managed to arrive earlier and they wouldn’t know if to fight the Lich King or Sylvanas? No, Blizzard wanted to show lady Sylvanas Plotarmor.

And the worst thing is, I feel like Shadowlands are my last expansion in WoW. This is where the story ends for me. And I know that many characters won’t get resolution, many story arcs will never close because they’ve put too much effort to work on Sylvanas and ignore other characters. So many characters could have met. Lore in Shadowlands could have been expanded about The Scourge, death knights, rune magic, etc... it did not. 

So no, Sylvanas is not one of the best characters created. If this is the best WoW can muster then there is nothing to be proud of. We would have good or better characters if Blizzard tried to work with more characters and give them space and a chance to develop. But we will never have them because Sylvanas took the spotlight.

Sylvanas for me is the character who will be put on guidelines on how to not use a character. This character will be perfect for DO NOT character development guidelines. And the whole story of WoW at least in BfA and Shadowlands is a great example of how to destroy the world with an amazing setting and characters. 

I hope I’ve made this clear why many people hate her. Because it’s much more complex problem. This character was misused, written horribly, overused, was given a poor and cheap story arch, made look stupid and it no longer makes sense. And on top of that, many characters will never get a resolution, many storylines won’t be finished because all story was focused on her and not on the world. World which was supposed to be “everybody’s story” was made story about Sylvanas. Just because she sells.

Good job Danuser, I hope you are happy.

Tl;Dr: Sylvanas is inconsistent since Cataclysm because Blizzard tried to make her complex character artificially and failed horribly. She should have died after WotLK and never made Warchief. They should have let her go so we can remember her as a good consistent character

P.S.: I am not native speaker, sorry for grammar errors.

[number5theboy]

Please elaborate on how Five could've turned into the most insufferable character to watch

Thanks for asking me to elaborate on this text post:

@tessapercygranger​, @waywardd1​ and @margarita-umbrella​ also wanted to see a more detailed version of it, and I ended up writing an essay that’s longer than some of my actual academic essays. So buckle up.

WHY NUMBER FIVE SHOULD BE THE MOST OBNOXIOUS CHARACTER IN TV HISTORY, AND HOW HE MANAGES NOT TO BE

Number Five: The Concept That Could Go Horribly Wrong

Alright, let’s first look at Five in theory in an overarching way, without taking into account the execution of the show. The basic set-up of the character, of course, is being a 58-year-old consciousness in a teenager’s body, due to a miscalculation in time travel. Right off the bat, Five is bar none the most overpowered of the siblings; by the end of Season 2, no one has yet been able to defeat him in a fight. He is a master assassin – and not just any master assassin, but the best one there is – and a survival expert, able to do complex maths and physics without the aid of a calculator, shown to have knowledge of half a dozen languages, has very developed observational skills and, to top that all off, he can manipulate time and space to the point where he can literally erase events that happened and change the course of history. And Five knows how skilled he is; he is arrogant, self-assured and sarcastic, and his streak of goodness is buried deep inside. David Castañeda once described Five in an interview as 90% chocolate with a cherry in the middle, meaning that you have to get through a lot of darkness and bitterness before knowing there is a good core, and I think it’s an excellent metaphor. However, Five is also incredibly, fundamentally terrible at communicating with anyone, and, because he is the only one with time travel abilities, the character a lot of the actual plot - and the moving forward of it - centres around. Also he’s earnestly in love with a mannequin, who is pretty much a projection of his own consciousness that functions as a coping mechanism for all the trauma he has endured. All in all, this gives you a character who looks like a teenager, but with the smug superiority of a fifty-something, who a) is extremely skilled in many different things, b) has a superiority complex, is arrogant and vocal about it, and most of the superiority is expressed through cutting sarcasm, c) has one very hidden ounce of goodness that he is literally the worst at communicating to other human beings, d) is what moves the plot along but is also bad at talking to anyone else, meaning that the plot largely remains with him, and e) his love interest is essentially a projection of himself. Tell me that’s not a character who is destined to be just…obnoxious, annoying, egocentric, a necessary evil that one has to put up with to get through this show. There are so many elements of this characterisation that can and should easily make Five beyond insufferable, but the show manages to avoid it, and I’m putting this down to three aspects.

That Trick of Age and Appearance

Bluntly put, Five as a character would not work if he was anything else than an old man in a 13-year-old body. Imagine this character and all his skills and knowledge, but actually just…a teenager. Immediately insufferable. Same goes for him being around 30, like his siblings, all of which are stunted and traumatised by their father’s abuse. If Five, being comparatively unscathed by Reginald to the point where he explicitly does not want to be defined by his association with his father, were 30 like his siblings, it would just take the bite out of that plot point and also give him a lot less time in the apocalypse, reducing the impact it had on him as a person. And making Five his actual 58-year-old self would make him very similar to Reginald, at least on surface level, with the appearance and attitude. Five and Reginald are two fundamentally different people, but having one of the siblings being a senior citizen that’s dressed to the nines and bosses his siblings around in a relatively self-centred way does open up that parallel, and would take away from Five’s charm as a character. Because pairing the life experience of a 58-year-old with the appearance of a teenager gives you the best of both worlds. You get the other siblings (and a lot of the audience, from a glance in the tags of my gifsets) feeling protective and paternal about Five, but his age and experience also give the justifications for his many skills, his arrogance, in a way, and his ability to decimate a room full of people. It’s the very interesting and not new concept of someone dangerous with the appearance of something harmless, a child. This is also where Five’s singular outfit comes in. I know we like to clown on Five to get a new outfit, but I think what gets forgotten often is how effective this outfit is at making the viewer take him seriously. The preppy school uniform is the perfect encapsulation of the tension between old man in spirit and young teenager in appearance. The blazer, vest and especially the shirt and tie are quite formal, relatively grown up. They’re not something we, the audience, usually associate with a teenage boy wearing; it makes Five just a little bit more grown up. But there is also a reason characters in this show keep bringing up Five’s shorts and his socks, because those are not things that we associate with grown men wearing; they’re the unmistakably childish part of his school uniform. Take a moment and imagine Five wearing a hoodie or a t-shirt, jeans, and sneakers; would that outfit work for him as well as the uniform does? Would he be able to command the same kind of respect or seriousness as a character? I don’t think so; the outfit is a lot more pivotal in making Five believable than a lot of people give it credit for.

Writing Nuance

The other big building block in not making Five incredibly insufferable is the writing. Objectively speaking, I think Five is the most well-written, and, more importantly, most coherently written character on the show (which does have to do with the fact that the show’s events are all sequential for him), and his arc and personality remain relatively intact over the course of the two seasons. More to the point, a giant part of what makes Five bearable as a character is that he is allowed to fail. He is written to have high highs and low lows, big victories through his skills and his intelligence, but also catastrophic failures and the freedom to be wrong. His superior intellect and skillset are not the be-all end-all of the plot or his character, just something that influences both. His inability for communication has not (yet) been used to fabricate a contrived misunderstanding that derails the plot and left all of us seething; instead, it’s a characteristic that makes him fail to reconnect with the people he loves. This is a bit simplified, as he does find common ground with Luther, for example, but in general, a lot of the rift between Five and his siblings is that they can’t relate to his traumas and he does not understand the depth of Reginald’s abuse, which is an interesting conflict worth exploring. Another thing that really works in Five’s favour is that he is definitely written to be mean and sarcastic, but it is never driven to the point of complete unlikability, and a lot of the time, the context makes it understandable why he reacts the way he does. Most of the sarcastic lines he gets are actually funny, that certainly helps, but in general, Five is a good example of a bearable character whose default personality is sharp and relatively cold, because it is balanced out with many moments of vulnerability. Delores is incredibly important for this in the first season, she is the main focus of Five’s humanising moments, and well-written as she totes the line between clearly being a coping mechanism for an extremely traumatised man and still coming across to the viewer as the human contact Five needs her to be. In the second season, the vulnerability is about his guilt for his siblings, it’s about Five connecting a little bit better to them. There’s also his relationship with the Commission and the Handler specifically – which honestly could be an essay on its own – that deserves a mention, because the Handler is why Five became the man he is, and this dynamic between creator and creation is explored in a very interesting way – their scenes are some of the most well-written in the entire show. And TUA never falls into the trap of making Five a hero, he is always morally ambiguous at best, and it just makes for an interesting, multi-faceted character, well-written character, and none of the characteristics that should make him unlikeable are allowed to take centre-stage for long enough to be defining on their own. I know a lot of people especially champion the scenes where Five goes apeshit, but without his more nuanced characterisation, if he was like that all the time, those scenes would not hit as hard.

Aidan Gallagher’s Performance is Underrated

But honestly, none of the above would matter that much if the Umbrella Academy didn’t luck out hard with the casting of Aidan Gallagher. I think what he achieves as an actor in this show is genuinely underappreciated. Like, the first season set out to cast six adults having to deal with various ramifications of childhood trauma, and a literal child that had to be able to act smart and wise beyond his years, seamlessly integrate into a family of adults while seeming like an adult, traumatised by the literal end of the world, AND had to be able to create the romantic chemistry of a thirty-year-long marriage with a lifeless department store doll. The only role I could think of to compare is Kirsten Dunst in Interview with a Vampire, where she plays a vampire child who, because she is undead, doesn’t age physically, but does mentally, so she’s 400 in a child’s body. And Kirsten Dunst had to do that for a two-hour movie. Five is a main character in a show that spans 20 episodes now. That’s insane, and it’s a risk. Five is a character that can’t be allowed to go wrong; if you don’t buy Five as a character, the entire first season loses believability. And they found someone who could do that not only convincingly, but also likeably. As I said, he is incredibly helped by the costuming department and the script, but Aidan Gallager’s Five has so much personality, he’s threatening and funny and charming and arrogant and heartbreaking. He has the range to be convincing in the quiet moments where Five’s humanity comes to show and in the moments where Five goes completely off the rails. Most child actors act with other children, but he is the only child in the main cast, and holds his own in scenes with adults not as a child, but as an adult on equal footing with the other adult characters. That’s not something to be taken for granted. But even apart from the fact that it’s a child actor who carries a lot of the plot and the drama of a series for adults, Aidan Gallagher’s portrayal of Five is also just so much fun. The comedic timing is on point, he has the dramatic chops for the serious scenes, the mannerisms and visual ticks add to the character rather than distract from him, and his line deliveries, paired with his physical acting, make Five arrogant and smug but never outright malicious and unlikeable. It’s just some terrific acting that really does justice to the character as he is written, but the writing would not be as strong if it wasn’t delivered and acted out the way Aidan Gallagher does. He is an incredible asset for this show.

Alright, onto concluding this rambling. If you made it this far, I commend you, and thank you for it. The point of all of this is that Five, as a character, could have been an unmitigated disaster of a TV character. He is overpowered, arrogant, uncommunicative and could so easily have been either unconvincing or completely unlikeable, but he turned out to be neither. It’s a combination of choices in the costume department, decisions in the writing room, and Aidan Gallagher’s acting skills that make the things that should make him obnoxious and annoying incredibly entertaining, and I hope you liked my long-winded exploration of these. Some nuance was lost along the way, but if I had not stopped myself, this would’ve become a full-blown thesis.

[onceuponamirror]

ghosts

Faintly, Nancy can hear the waves crashing into the shoreline down the road. A buoy rings against the water. She takes a breath. “So…you don’t regret not leaving?”

“Do you?” He counters, as if knowing she wasn’t just talking about him anymore.

[set between 2x05-2x06] [read on ao3!]

“What’re you thinking about?”

Nancy turns to look over her shoulder, surprised to see Ace standing there, hands in the pockets of his puffer. He has a smile emerging from the corner of his mouth, which broadens slightly after a moment. “You look super serious. Am I interrupting something heavy?”

“What? No,” she says, clearing her thoughts, and echoes his grin. “I just thinking about…ghosts.”

“Ghosts,” Ace repeats, and drops into the seat beside her. She’s sitting on the table, whereas he’s planted on the bench, and yet they’re still at eye-level.

She blows out a breath and shakes her head slightly. “Yeah, ghosts. With everything happening so fast last month, I feel like…I didn’t fully process…” She pauses, and waves her hands for exaggeration, “Ghosts. They’re real.”

He furrows his brow, as if waiting for her to continue, or to finish her thought.

Nancy falls back on her palms, glancing up briefly at the darkened sky. “It’s just—I’m supposed to be this…Hero of Horseshoe Bay, or whatever they want to call me in the papers. I don’t really care about that but—solving mysteries is the only thing I’ve been good at, and…”

Ace passes her a slightly mischievous smile. “Is this about me coming for your title? I’m a ‘Hero’ too.”

She rolls her eyes and bumps his shoulder with her own. “No, it’s…I make logical leaps. That’s all it is. How can you make logical leaps with supernatural stuff?”

“Ah,” Ace says.

“If ghosts are real, what else is? And what won’t I be able to solve because I didn’t think to consider…Bigfoot, or something? I don’t know if I’ll be any good at this when the rules of physics don’t apply.”

“Nancy,” Ace says slowly, “all due respect, but that’s super dumb. You’ve already solved like, three ghosts mysteries by now.” She opens her mouth with mock offense, but he just grins at her, and she’s unable to stop herself from matching it again. “You’re good at this. Dead or undead. Besides—people always say stuff about physics as if it just relates to gravity. It’s a lot more flexible than that.”

She cocks her neck. “What do you mean?”

Ace shrugs. “Like, I went down a Wikipedia rabbit hole one night. A lot of physics is about theorizing about other dimensions and energy, and matter. Like—there’s that rule, that matter can neither be created nor destroyed. I think it’s mostly about decay or whatever, like how when we die we go back to the ground, but maybe there’s another part, like with our soul, that sticks around. Who’s to say that doesn’t encompass ghosts?”

Nancy just stares at him, dumbfounded. When she first met Ace, he’d struck her as a quiet slacker; another fellow high school burnout. It’s almost upsetting how much she’d misjudged him. “How the hell do you know that?”

As if slightly embarrassed, Ace ducks his face down, but she can still see his smile. He shrugs again. “Like I said, I love a good Wikipedia black hole. Which, coincidentally, has a great article on black holes.” They meet each other’s eyes, and Nancy feels something sputter against her chest, suddenly deeply aware of their proximity. She wonders if he feels it too, because he clears his throat. “Anyway, I don’t sleep super well. So it gives me a lot of time to collect increasingly random knowledge.” He taps his temple. “It’s a steel trap of trivia.”

She raises her eyebrows, still taking him in. He never seems to stop surprising her. “How did we not know each other in high school? You would’ve been super helpful on some of my earlier cases, you know.”

“I thought you worked alone then,” he says, somewhat teasingly, but like he’s avoiding her question. After a moment, he sighs. “I knew you, you just didn’t know me. We actually had art together, I think.”

“No way,” she says at once, before she can think on it. “I would’ve noticed you.”

It’s his turn for his eyebrows to jump on his forehead. Her neck flushes hotly, but mercifully, he looks away from her. “Nah. I was barely there. I was kind of a big stoner in high school.”

“I’m shocked,” she says dully, and he laughs. At the sound, her chest tightens again.

“I know. It really plays against type,” he counters, smirking.

She laughs, and a silence falls over them gently. She’s still surprised they had a class together and she didn’t even know him—even if they didn’t run in the same circles, he was still Ace. If she wracks her brain, she has a vague memory of a skinny kid in a backwards baseball cap and an oversized plaid shirt, but it’s hard to reckon that with the long-haired, soft-eyed, much more muscled boy who sits beside her.

When her thoughts finally return to the present, she finds him watching her. She turns slowly to face him, breath catching against her chest. Her eyes dart down to his mouth, and he does the same. Anxiously, she pushes her hair behind her ears, unwilling to let this moment last. This is Ace. Get it together.

“What?” He asks, his tone something low and velvety.

She laces her fingers together and tips her chin up, wistfully watching a faint star. “What are you still doing here?” She asks, and he meets her eye again, confused this time. “I mean, you’re smart. You never wanted to get out of Horseshoe Bay? Go to college?”

Ace leans back on his elbows. “Nah,” he says, but something in his voice betrays his attempt at casualness. “I didn’t have the grades, even if I wanted to.” Nancy purses her lips, not sure she believes him. He shifts uncomfortably, like he can tell. “Pothead,” he adds, impishly. “I took a couple of classes at the community college, but…I dunno, I got bored. I’ve had pretty much every job in town, at this point. Never really held anything down, ‘til now.”

“Yeah?” She asks, breathily.

“Worked on a lobster fishing boat for a summer. That was really hard,” he supplies, and Nancy wonders if that was the cause of his transformation from skinny kid in art class to the surprisingly toned boy beside her. “Worked at the video store, until they went out of business. Worked at the library for a bit. That didn’t work out, for obvious reasons.”

“Obviously,” she echoes, grinning at him. He rolls his eyes playfully.

“Last year I even worked at the yacht club,” he adds, glancing away from her. “That’s where I met Laura Tandy.”

At the mention of his ex, Nancy straightens. She tries not to put too much thought into the strange reaction her body has, deciding instead to dig at the larger thought that still nags. “Do you ever wish you’d gone with her? To Paris, I mean. Had adventures…left Maine?”

“Nance, I’m pretty sure adventure isn’t geography-specific at this point,” he sighs, throwing her a knowing look. There’s a slight thrill at him calling her ‘Nance’, and she tries to push it down. “But no,” he sighs. “My dad…I still think he needs me. He keeps trying to go back to work, as if he doesn’t remember why he left in the first place. Someone has to remind him.”

A soft hum escapes from the back of her throat. Privately, she thinks there’s something loaded there, something buried. A lie to himself, maybe. From her observation, Ace and his father are very much alike, but she doesn’t think he’d want to hear that.

Faintly, Nancy can hear the waves crashing into the shoreline down the road. A buoy rings against the water. She takes a breath. “So…you don’t regret not leaving?”

“Do you?” He counters, as if knowing she wasn’t just talking about him anymore. She levels him with a warning look, but he doesn’t back down, just piques an eyebrow.

“I don’t know,” she says, honestly. “Right now, no.” She bumps him with her shoulder again. “Look at us. A couple of townie burnouts.”

He grins. “Somebody’s gotta do it.”

Another blanket of silence settles between them, but gentle this time. Again, the waves lap against the shore.

“I still can’t believe I didn’t know you,” she says quietly, perhaps not meaning to say it aloud. Somewhere along the way, he became such a fixture. But she supposes that goes for all of her friends—she was so different in high school. She’s not sure she’s someone she would’ve liked now. She realizes Ace is looking at her again. “I just mean, it’s such a small town. Like, I don’t even know your last name,” she adds.

He still hasn’t budged, soft smile and all. “Oh, it’s—”

“Yo! Lazy Drew! Are we gonna Boggle or what?” George’s voice floats across The Claw’s back deck, and they both turn around to see her at the back exit, her hands on her hips, lit warmly from behind. “Ace, you said you were gonna go get her and come right back.”

“My bad,” he says, getting to his feet. He offers her his hand down, even though it’s barely a jump to the ground. She takes it anyway, but it hits her with a shock of static so strong that she drops it like a hot potato. His eyes are anywhere but on her.

“Game night waits for no man,” George says drolly, holding the door open for them.

“Fine, fine,” she mutters, passing through the doorway. She spins around and points at George. “Tonight, we Boggle, but tomorrow—trivia night. Teams.”

“I’m game,” Ace pips up, as George only rolls her eyes and nods as she struts past them, towards the booth where Bess and Nick wait.

“Tomorrow, you’re on my team, Mr. Steel Trap,” Nancy whispers to him, leaning in conspiratorially. His body heat warms against her skin, even through her light sweater.

His smile is soft. “Any time.”

[hello-nichya-here]

Ok, so what in your opinion is the WORST mistake that the showrunners for Game of Thrones made in terms of content, either it's addition or redaction?

WARNING: Looooooong post ahead

Themes are for eighth-grade book reports

This absurd quote by one of the showrunners explains why exactly the show fell appart. They wanted to make a story... without themes. Anyone with a minimally functioning brain will tell that this is impossible because every story, even the simplest and least complicated story there ever, has a theme. Even a nihilistic story has a theme "Nothing matters". Every. Story. Has. A. Theme.

But Game Of Thrones didn't, at least not after the writers ran out of books to adapt and did their own thing. Everything every character did was no longer to build a narrative, but to essentially act as click-bait. The focus was to make people keep watching, not on making any content that was worth watching.

The first four seasons had it's problems, just like the books had it's problems, but Martin's writting was so brilliant that it managed to stay good even while being handled by absolute clowns. The moment season four ended was the moment the show stopped being an adaptation and became it's own thing - and like I explained before, said thing wasn't a story.

Shock

Both the show and the books had MANY shocking, heart-breaking and downright horrifying scenes: Daenerys being raped by Drogo; Bran being pushed out the window after accidentally seeing the queen fucking her brother; the whole deal with Craster and his daughters; the Dotrakhi destroying Mirri's village and her revenge against them and Daenerys; Ned's death; Melisandre giving birth to a shadow baby that killed Renly; The Red Wedding; Jeoffrey's death; Tyrion killing his father; Theon being tortured by Ramsay...

The difference is there were REASONS behind the shocking scenes Martin created. Even when you look at things like rape and torture scenes and threats of rape/torture - Martin used those scenes to remind us that the world he created is an EXTREMELY dangerous and downright vile place, and that the characters are never truly safe, and that there are WAY worse things than just being killed.

Dumb & Dumber on the other hand, gaves us scenes like an evil, former man of the night's watch evily making an evil speech to his fellow evil men, evily drinking whine from a human skull while nameless women were being raped in the background - but little does he know that Jon Snow, the hero, is about to wreck his shit. It takes something that could realistically happen (and that did happen in the books) and takes it up to eleven because the writers think shock is the same as quality and that the audience is SO STUPID that they need to practically make the actor jump out of the TV, grab us by the shoulders and scream "I'M EVIL! I'M THE BIG BAD! ROOT FOR THE HERO TO KILL ME!"

Pretty much every bad guy became a parody of Jeoffrey, ironically enough because the writers took Jeoffrey too seriously. He was a cruel, sadistic character, who had WAY too much power - but he was also a spoiled baby whose reply to Tyrion bitch-slapping him wasn't a threat, but "I'M TELLING MOM!" Jeoffrey worked because he was only allowed to do his thing whenever smarter, more competent characters like Tyrion and Tywin where not around, meaning his actions, while inhumane, never reached the point of no longer being believable.

The horrible things that happened to the characters no longer felt "right". For instance, Sansa had just been taken to the Eerie by Little Finger, who has a weird complex in which he sees her both as the daughter he never had with Catelyn AND as a replacement for Catelyn, and she was starting to truly be a player instead of a pawn... and then the writers realized "Oh shit, we should have not cut the Jeyne Pool/Fake Arya' plot, that was important" and forced it on Sansa, making Little Finger hand her on a silver plater to Ramsay and turning her into a victim AGAIN, this time to a man that dramatically fights his enemies without a shirt own, practically saying "come at me bro"

Compare this to Ned's beheading, or Catelyn and Rob being betrayed and killed by the Freys. These moments were shocking and downright depressing - but they were earned. The writting was on the wall for anyone to see: Ned was at the mercy of Jeoffrey, and the Starks had given the Freys, who are notoriously disloyal, a reason to resent them. These twists felt completely natural, were the only logical way for the situation the characters were in to play out, AND they had consequences to plot instead of just making the audience gasp and then being forgotten about.

Plot armor

It's kind of ironic and almost tragic that the show that became famous for killing characters later became the worst type of high-stakes series, putting the characters in situations they could NOT survive, not even if a goddamn miracle happened, and having them live anyway. What's even worse is that it happened repeatedly. If I had to see Jon Snow almost die and then survive anyway one more fucking time I was going to lose my mind.

There's no bigger proof that there were just no consequences for the "main" characters anymore than watching the second, third, and fourth episodes of season either. The first sets up that this battle against the night king and his army of undead is likely going to kill the majority of them, if they're lucky... and then in the third we see the plot armor in all of it's "glory", and then in the forth we find out that the Dotrakhi, who had ALL been killed, actually still have half the numbers they had the night before, somehow. Even red-shirts weren't dying anymore.

DORNE

This disaster needed it's own session because HOLY SHIT, it's a miracle/tragedy that everyone didn't go "Fuck it, I'm never watching another episode of this stupid show."

The Dorne plot in the books isn't perfect, but what the show did to it was so fucking bad that I'm pretty sure the writers didn't even read the Dorne chapters in the books, they just looked at a wiki, wrote down the names of a few characters and then did their own shitty thing.

In the books, Doran Martel is a clever, dangerous man, who pretends to be harmless so people will understimate him and step right into his trap. In the show, Doran Martel... died. That's it. I can't remember anything else that happened to him. Add him to the list of "Brilliant characters that became stupid due to shitty writing", I'm sure Tyrion, Varys and Little Finger will love making him company.

The sand-snakes, one of the main driving force of that plot, were all distinct characters in the books, with their personalities, goals, methods and motivations - basically they were created by a writer who knew what he is was doing. In the show they were all the same "character" who could be perfectly described by that horrible, cringy, PAINFUL line one of them (I can't even remember which) said to Bron "You want a good girl, but you need the bad pussy" (Seriously, if that actress ever kills the show-runners as revenge for having to say that, she'll be 100% justifyed in doing so)

And we cannot forget the driving force behind that unwatchable shit show: Ellaria Sand. In the books, the death of Oberyn made her believe that revenge only leads to more blood-shed. In the show, his death enraged to the point of wanting to avenge him and his family, and she did this... by killing his family. If that doesn't explain how insane and stupid this plot-line was, I don't know what will.

Hype = Character assassination

Many shows are based around the conflict between the bad guys and the good guys. Game Of Thrones is not one of these shows. Or at least it wasn't. As they ran out of ideas, the writers started mutilating every single character until they could be label as "Good" or "Bad", regardless of what felt right to the story and to the point that there was nothing left of said characters. Stannis's actor, Stephen Dillane, straight up said that the only thing he got from being on the show was money and that his character's motivations and decisions were nonsense - ironically enough, that kind of brutal honesty means that the writers had THE perfect actor play Stannis, and wasted his fucking time.

Here's a list of the characters that fell victims to this horrible fate: Catelyn Stark, Tyrion Lannister, Sansa Stark, Arya Stark, Jon Snow, Melisandre, Stannis, Jorah, Daenerys (bonus points for being mutilated into being both a generic, shitty "hero" and a generic, shitty "villain") Greyworm, Rhaegar Targaryen, Lyanna Stark...

Pretty much the only character who became more complex in the show than she was in the books was Cersei. While her book self was never just a "Generic Evil Queen", the show version of her was far more sympathetic, which made the stories she was part of interesting. Too bad the writers ran out of ideas of what to do with her after season six and just left her by the window drinking whine until Dany showed up to kill her. Which brings us to...

Why is this happening?

Cersei was seen as a threat in the last two seasons based on nothing but the things she HAD done. Her story just ended the very second season six did, but since she was still alive despite being one of the bad guys she had to die... I guess. She (and by extention Jaime) joined the list of characters that had nothing to do, but were still around: Davos, Theon, Yara, Melisandre, Bron, Sam, Gendry, Bran (the last one being SO unnecessary that he was cut from season five and no one noticed)

To combat that issue, the writers gave characters "motivations" that made no sense. For exemple: Sandor Clegane. His only reason to be in the show was so he could kill his brother. The problem was that Gregor was already dead. He was a walking corpse. There was nothing left of the abusive brother Sandor once knew, meaning he had no reason to fight him, and that, to keep Sandor around, the writers should have come up something new (like the redemption that book fans have been waiting for, and that has a lot of backing evidence). You might as well have had HIM be the one to randomly fly out of nowhere and kill the night king despite having no connection to him.

And since we're talking about the night king... Arya was the one to kill him. Why? Because the writers ruined Jaime's redemption arc, meaning that the only fitting ending for him was to die with Cersei, and so Arya could not kill Cersei despite wanting to, having the ability to do, AND having heard a prophecy that said she'd "Shutting brown eyes, blue eyes, and green eyes forever", the last one being the only one she had not done AND applying to Cersei. But Dumb & Dumber admitted they had no plan for this, so now that they were at the last season, they needed to do something with it, and they retconned it to mean Arya would kill the night king...

But Arya killing him meant Jon had nothing to do, so Dany had to go mad so he could kill her. To "hint" at that, they ignored all the not at all subtle foreshadowing the previous season had of Dany and Jon having a kid, and they even showed her getting jealous that he was technically the true heir... even though that made no sense since they were going to rule together anyway, and even after Dany went full "Mad Queen" she ASKED HIM TO RULE WITH HER. But anyways, he kills her and becomes king...

Except he doesn't actually become king and him being a secret Targaryen has no effect in the plot, because Bran needed to become king so there'd be a reason for him to be alive, because his magical powers turned into a plot-device. A plot-device that wasn't used at any goddamn point. Seriously, the only thing as bad as Bran becoming king was Euron's existence - dude was THE most useless villain ever AND the worst Jeoffrey parody.

A darker story (literally)

I could not end this rant without bitching about this. What is the point of spending an ungodly amount of money on sets, costumes, make-up, special effects... and then using such poor lighting that no one can see what the fucking is going on?

Anyway, this disaster of a series was so absurd it should be used as an exemple of what NOT to do.

[symphonyofthewrite]

If These Walls Could Talk (Ch3) (with cover art!)

(AMAZING cover art by Junki Sakuraba on Instagram and Deviantart!!)

Fandom: Castlevania Netflix

Summary: Vampires do not have reflections, and castles do not have hearts. But Dracula is no ordinary vampire, and Castlevania is no ordinary castle. If castles can fight, maybe they can think too.

The series, and Adrian’s childhood, told from the perspective of the castle.

Chapter Summary: “‘Alucard’, they called me. The opposite of you. Mother never liked that. Did you know that? She hated the idea that I might define myself by you. Even in opposition to you. She loved us both. Enough that she wanted us to be our own people. Living our own lives. Making our own choices."

Chapter 3: “Alucard”

The castle doesn’t like it when Adrian leaves.

Adrian is a child of both worlds, so he must walk in the day every once and a while. He cannot stay in the castle, in the night, forever; he must travel outside the room, feel the sunlight without the glass. He must understand his mother’s people; his human half. A glass half full is a glass half empty, and he understands his duty to fill in the blanks where humanity is supposed to be.

Castlevania is unsure. Afraid, perhaps. It does not know much of humanity…but it does know that their blood tastes sweet, their words sound sour, their hands feel bitter. It knows they are not likely to treat the son of the vampire king with kindness.

It knows of only one human whose touch and words are sweet without taste.

If his mother can be kind… is it possible other humans can be too? Or does being a mother simply necessitate kindness? Is it possible there is more to them than sour speech and the bitter fists? That they are more than just something to fill its master’s appetite and quiet his boredom?

Lisa tells them all so. She gathers her family in the room, and tells them stories of knights and heroes, witches and villains. Of good kings, and evil priests. Of good gods, and evil queens. Of demons and zombies and the heroes who rose up against them—(and maybe Adrian can be one of them, some day). Of people who have nothing but manage to change the world anyways. Of people who have everything but are empty all the same—(that one started to sound a little too familiar). And not all of the stories are read out of books. Some are real, were history. Some she’d even seen herself. Some were told to her. She said she heard some of the most wonderful ones from a Speaker once. She even made some up. Until Adrian himself formed stories when she wasn’t there to tell them.

Dracula looks out the window at the rain, chuckles to himself at the fact that too many of her stories end happily…but something deep inside his eyes is trying, trying to believe her. To believe there’s truth to these stories, even those she made up. To let the light in her eyes flow into his. He tries to make up his own stories too, sometimes. But the darkness in his presence does its best to swallow the light in her words.

Adrian snuggles up beside her and the gleam in her eyes reflects in his without a second’s resistance. Enough that after a childhood of listening to these stories, begging for his parents to take him outside, he can barely wait to experience it himself.

That’s not to say he never left. She took him out on little trips, letting him take bites of the world out there. Each time he came back with treasures—(well what he considered treasures)—in his hands, and a grin secured firmly to his face, and he’d ask with voice bright and fast as a hummingbird, where they’d go out next, and how long he’d have to wait. Even his father took him out to the enchanted forests and grottos of the world for lessons, but always made sure they were the deepest, most well-kept secrets of the world, where no human would find them.

Well, most of the time. There were times when he came back with tears in his eyes. He’d ask What’s a ‘monster’?, and his father would lean down, put his hand on his cheek, and say Definitely not you. Lisa would plead or argue with her husband, but when Dracula would leave, the moon would turn red, and he’d remember what blood tasted like.

But this is different. This isn’t some day trip to come back with trinkets, some night lesson to come back with knowledge. The time it’s stretched out, and stretching them thin.

When he leaves and doesn’t come back that night… that morning…the next…the room tries to speak but finds there’s no breath in it, like it got the wind knocked out of it.

This is a different emptiness from what Castlevania was before. It isn’t a principal, not simply a fact of life. It is an absence. An absence of something living. An absence of a fact of life. A true emptiness in that the room was once full.

It doesn’t take long for the room to know what I miss you means; that absence creates ripples of yearning in its wake. That emptiness aches to be filled. It misses the games he played in the sunlight, it misses the lullabies, the drawings, counting the stars and sitting by the fire, the moments when the family would tell stories to the walls they didn’t know were listening.

It even misses the crying.

The clock tower’s ticking eats away at them from the inside.

And within the ticking, the room, the castle, wonder what the humans will do to him out there.

Will he be a monster in their eyes? An enemy, a beast, an ugly thing? Will they not see the light in his nature, rather the dark that nurtured him?

Will he be a cacophony to their ears, the screeches and howls of undead things, instead of the symphony they know his voice to be?

Will his blood be that of demons and beasts to their noses, and will they cast him out for not being human enough?

Will he be a toy in their hands, just as he played humans-and-vampires, just as he pretended to fight monsters with wooden swords?

…But he is alive, and living things ought not be played with, for they cannot be imagined into something they’re not.

And if he is a toy to them…what will they make of him? Will they imagine him as a human like them? Or will they imagine him into a monster he is not? Will they realize he is neither? Will they think he needs the night when he is perfectly fine in the day? What stories will they tell of him?

Castlevania has not met many humans. But those it has were prone to make monsters out of decent men, and weapons out of instruments of peace.

Will the humans’ mouths be forked and deadly as ever? Will their hands be weak and empty as ever? Will they assess him as fuel for their ever-greedy fire? Will they take the life—they who have so much of it—take the single life they have here, the one that brought it to them all—and crush it out of him, figuratively or literally?

Will they bully him, and scorn him, and lie to him, and cheat him and hate him and…hurt him?

The room twists and spirals in its thoughts, as if going down a hill, and throbs at the last word.

Or… says the castle softly, Will they welcome him? Will they understand him? Will they see him as we have? As he truly is? Will his light withstand the darkness in them? Can he bring life to these bloodthirsty beasts?

When Adrian returns, what—or who—will he be?

The castle and the room wonder, and wait, and question, and long for him as they are left in the dark, holding their breath until breath itself is but a fleeting memory.

They couldn’t say how long it had been since he left, it could have been a lifetime. But one day, as black and white as the rest, the morning comes with spreading color, and breath tumbles into the deepest corners of the room again.

They are equal parts nervous and eager to hear the stories he has to tell; for these monsters and men are more than toys.

And he does have stories to tell.

Out there, adventure exists in more than just books. Out there he can learn without charts and lectures; he can learn by doing, by experiencing. He can put to use, and to the test, all the spells and techniques he practiced indoors. Out there the scenes that were pictures before are real, are alive—the rain licks and the snow bites, the grass whispers as the wind sings its haunting melody, and the rivers join in response. Out there he can smell the trees, and flowers, the campfires, listen to the howls and chirps of the animals, and feel the sun on his skin without the glass to separate them. Taste the world. And out there the heroes and villains are animate too—he can speak to them, and won’t have to dream up their responses. He can make friends and enemies out of words and actions instead of wood and clay. Out there the threats, the demons and monsters are real too, and he has to fight them with something sharp—be it his pen or his sword. Out there, imagination is a weapon against reality. Out there he doesn’t have to imagine his world to life because it already is. And he is alive in it…this is his life that he is finally living.

That is what a life is. The idea echoes in the room.

(If this is a life…are we alive? The room asks.

Alive isn’t the same as life. Castlevania mutters softly, and doesn’t explain.)

And, amongst all the adventures they learn that while he walked the world a spell, his mother’s people gave him a new name:

“Alucard.”

Alucard. The reverse of Dracula.

They looked at him, they listened to him, they spent time with him and they understood—(breathe again and be still, they understood)—they understood that he was not the dark and the cold and the death his father is. In fact, they thought that he was so different from his father that this reversal must be his name.

The room is proud of him, happy for him, relieved, for this was its purpose, its hope. Relieved to have him back—more full of life and light than ever.

Lisa, while always proud of him, doesn’t like the name. She named him after all, it makes sense that she wouldn’t appreciate a dismissal of the name she chose. But…there’s more to it than that. She doesn’t want him to be defined by his father. She doesn’t want him to be a difference, a reverse. She wants him to be himself. Him and his father to be different people. She wants them to be themselves; not dividends, fractured pieces of one another put back together in different orders.

(But aren’t we all fractured pieces of each other? Don’t we take fragments of each other to make up ourselves?)

This is a strange thought to Castlevania, for it has always been defined by Dracula, and never minded, but perhaps mirrors ought not mind their reflectors. Adrian is no mirror. Still, the castle has always compared the boy to his father. The room was always meant to be the opposite of the Dracula, of his castle. The boy’s very existence has always spelled the reverse of everything they knew. Its only fitting the boy would be a reversal of his father.

‘Adrian’ is a nice name…but ‘Alucard’ fits like a tailored suit.

Adrian likes the world. Makes sense, he likes the sun, the day, the mirrors, the books, the stories, the people.

But what doesn’t make as much sense, and what’s more important, is the world likes him. At first its strange, but as the castle thinks about it more it makes sense; they may have come with pitchforks before, because they didn’t like Dracula. …But Alucard is not Dracula.

The room breathes deep, more alive than ever. And, as its master returns, tells his story, the room learns too.

Castlevania may be able to move for its master, but the room is stuck in its place. It cannot see the rest of the world like the boy can. It understands now that Alucard being different from Dracula also means that he cannot stay inside like his father does. That though it hurts when he leaves, the room can never be everything he needs the way the castle can for Dracula. That he is made for something bigger than four walls…even if those four walls were part of what made him.

It understands that breath cannot be a constant for it. That its master will leave, and the room will be hollow and ache for certain periods of time. This is a fact of life. This is what living is.

But it also understands that he will always come back. This isn’t something it reasoned or multiplied out. This is just something it knows within the oldest parts of it; that they will never be apart forever.

Now that the room is alive within the castle it will always be its own existence. Even if it’s empty, even if it gets broken and battered, it will always be the universe they built for him, a universe can’t be destroyed by mortal hands. It can never be fully erased as long as Alucard lives.

(…And Castlevania understands that is dangerous.)

The room understands that though life was always a stagnant thing for the castle, it is more dynamic and elusive for it. It will go through periods where there is nothing in that room, and the emptiness will throb, but in the same way that Alucard has the kind of life Dracula could never have, the room will have the kind of life the castle could never have.

The room’s breath will ever be catching itself and falling, like a dance, as if always during the most exiting part of a story.

[brawltogethernow]

Does Ben Reilly have any place in the modern day Marvel Universe, as a hero in his own right, in your opinion?

Ah, the irony of Ben Reilly’s existence. He was created as we know him now in one of the earlier examples of Marvel’s ongoing bid to roll back Spider-Man so it was no longer about a married, established adult without compromising Peter’s character. --They eventually gave up on that second part. Where inside the story Ben is the only perfect clone of Peter, to readers the ones who resemble the protagonist less have a better chance of establishing themselves as unique entities, and Ben...is a failed Peter clone. What’s the point of him?

So, okay, I do think Ben is fun dead - he’s a significant dead person in the standalone runs of Mayday and Kaine. Range! - and I don’t personally have a need to see him get another solo. As a character who’s been meant to be somewhat interchangeable with Peter (although 1. he never properly was because his backstory is too goddamn weird in a pretty interesting way, and for all its flaws the Clone Saga acknowledged this and gave it space to breathe 2. Jason Todd was once meant to be interchangeable with Dick Grayson, so don’t let that stop you), he’s very convenient to write out and gain a character-motivating dead person without losing a unique powerset or personality type. But he’s not so good dead he’s on my shortlist of characters I wish had never been hauled out of the ground. (Barry Allen. Norman Osborn.)

Given my druthers I absolutely want to take advantage of him being currently alive to use him in an odd couple team-up book. Ben Reilly and Teresa Parker book please? (That's the long-lost Parker younger sister, to match the delay-activated might-as-well-call-these-clones-a-supervillain-made-my-brothers.) Dear Marvel, I will make up a premise on the spot: Kaine goes missing so Aracely tracks down Ben, she catches Ben and Teresa mid-awkward unplanned introduction, they go on a weird road trip across the country having philosophical discussions about whether they are related and, if so, in what capacity. Or - undead clone rebels team-up with Ben Reilly and Maddie Pryor, who they’ve been talking about deliberately not bringing back from the dead in the X-books so much lately that I’ll be very disappointed if she doesn’t actually show up.

There are just fun ways to use characters from your wacky soap opera sci-fi cast without them needing to be The Next Big Thing, is what I’m saying. I really don’t want to see Ben in the main Spidey title right now because it’s a boring, OOC mess already glutted with empty cameos from more popular spider-heroes who have no reason to be there, but it would be a nice thread in the fabric of the Marvel Universe to just. Establish he’s operating in Vegas. And then if anybody wants to use him they can use him.

[strangerthings4theories]

hey, you! <3

i'd love to hear your opinion on this, because it's been nagging at my brain for forever:

This conversation:

Hopper: “So how do you kill this thing? Shoot it with fireworksballs or something”

Dustin: “You summon an undead army, uh, because... zombies you know, they don’t have brains. And the mind flayer it... it... like brains”.

(s2 e08 ~min 28. hopper immediately dismisses it, but the kids have been right so many times before).

& this:

it could be a projection of what the mf wants, of course, because it also wants an "army" in a way. but what if it's not? what if this is something else? maybe something from another point in time. what if 'billy's clone' is asking him to build an army against the mf? what if this scene doesn't correspond into the show's timeline but belongs in the future/past? what if the people the mf killed is seeking for vengance?

also, their footsteps sound like a platoon but also like a clock tickling and there are bells, bells that sound slowed down or muffled as, like you said, all this is happening "underwater".

(maybe you've already talked about all this but i'm deeply obsessed with this and i nedeed to talk about it with somebody! <3)

It is ENTIRELY possible our heroes will build an "army" to fight the Mind Flayer. If that happens, Billy will play a crucial role in gathering that army because he's a goddamn king and kings lead armies

In my opinion, Billy's clone was speaking only for the Mind Flayer. Hence the sinister vibe of the scene (which doesn't fit with a more helpful or benign interpretation). But that doesn't keep our heroes from turning his instructions against him: "Wait. The Mind Flayer wanted Billy to build an army. What if we build an army to fight HIM?"

However, I think we'll learn that fighting the Mind Flayer isn't the path to victory. Our heroes will have to fight His servants, yes, and they'll probably need some kind of army for that. But ultimately, the Mind Flayer represents the rage and trauma of abuse victims. I fully believe the Mind Flayer won't be destroyed, but tamed and reintegrated into whoever created Him. Think Te Ka/Te Fiti in Disney's Moana.

Keep in mind that, in the same episode you mentioned, Dustin says the Mind Flayer is "so ancient He doesn't even remember His true home." That tells me we're going to find out where He came from: The Source. (Not coincidentally, S3 has already used that term. El used it to describe the steel mill where Billy was possessed. But you can bet the show will expand on the concept significantly; it has too much thematic resonance.)

BY THE WAY. Dustin says you need a zombie army to beat the Mind Flayer. Guess which two characters have already been linked to the zombie concept?

Yep. We stan an undead King and his undead Wizard brother.

[thiswaycomessomethingwicked]

What do you think Grima and Eomer are most scared of? Apart from being left alone with each other, of course :) I think Eomer is terrified of spiders - he has to ask Eowyn to remove them. Grima's fears are probably grander and more philosophical e.g. non-existence, failure, imperfection. But I bet he's terrified of weird stuff as well - exposed knees, clowns, steep stairs...

Oooooooh I love this question!! (granted I love any and all questions about these two)

[Oh god this got so long, I’m sorry but also not sorry.]

So I mean, it would depend what kind of fear we’re talking about. 

In terms of day-to-day fears/things that spook you or creep you out. I think Eomer has a REAL problem with house (mead hall?) centipedes. 

‘Too many legs, Grima. They have too many legs. I did not sign up for this.’ 

Once. when Eomer was like 10, he woke up with a house centipede on his chest and he’s never recovered. 

Grima just shoos the critter outside. Eowyn lectures her brother about their importance in the grand ecosystem. Eomer doesn’t care. 

Like when Eomer sees a house centipede all the hair on his body stands on end and he feels that cold wash of terror. I mean, if he had to, he could deal with it himself. But he’d be internally screaming the entire time. Stoic externally, of course. He is a brave rider of Rohan! But inside? Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

-

I think Grima gets creeped out by uncanny valley things. Mostly dolls. I think he assumes 90% of all dolls are cursed. One time his niece left her doll behind and Grima had to lock it in a box and hide it in a storage room and he was still a little convinced that it was going to escape and murder them all. Chucky style. 

Eomer: I want to get my sister a doll for the baby she and Faramir are about to have. How about this one? 

Grima: W h y would you traumatize a baby like that Eomer? Are you a monster? 

Eomer: This .... this is a cute doll. It’s not going to haunt them. 

Grima: You don’t know that for certain. Look at those beady eyes. Always watching. 

Eomer: Ghosts and draugr are fine but not dolls?

Grima: My undead brother might be a pain in the arse but at least I know what to expect from him. Mostly his trying to eat people. But it’s within the bounds of reason. That fucking doll on the other hand? Who knows what it thinks in the dark hours of the night. Who knows what secrets it holds in its heart. 

Eomer: . . .I think I’ll just get the kid a stuffed animal horse. 

Grima: Much better. 

I also think Grima gets easily spooked by flying insects. Like once he ascertains that the sudden movement within his line of vision isn’t going to hurt him, he’s fine. But his initial reaction is to get up and leave very quickly and let Eomer deal with it. Grima has a strong association between sudden movements and getting punched. Reasonable, really. 

Shared thing? I think Eomer and Grima both find teeth to be really creepy. 

Eowyn: They’re just bones in your mouth. It’s fine. 

Grima: MOUTH BONES??? DON’T CALL THEM THAT. 

Eowyn: Mouth! Bones! Mouth! Bones!

Eomer: I hate all of this. 

Eowyn: Mouth bonessssss! 

Eomer shows up in Osgiliath, hasn’t seen Eowyn in like two years, she gives him a hug and whispers ‘mouth bones’ into his ear just to freak him out. Because they’re loving and caring siblings like that. 

Eowyn: My daughter is just starting to get her mouth bones in.

Grima: I refuse to engage with this.

Faramir: Babe, why are you like this??

Eomer: I brought this doll for her. 

Eowyn: That is so cursed, I’m surprised Grima let you buy it. 

Eomer: I don’t know, I think it’s kind of cute. 

Eowyn: hmmmm yeah well you’re sleeping with that thing over there so I don’t know that your judgement can be trusted. 

Grima: h e y.

Faramir: What kind of family did I marry into??

/

Now, for deeper fears. 

Eomer is the one who has a deep seated fear of failure. Of not living up to the expectations set on him from a very young age. Both as son of Eomund, who is like local hero 101, and as nephew to the king. Being orphaned at a young age, I suspect he had a lot of pressure placed on him to Be the Man in the Family. To Take Care Of Everyone etc.  

And it’s hard being the son of someone who has a bit of a legend around them when they’re alive, let alone when they’re dead and so they become an impossible standard to live up to. 

This isn’t to say Eomer is a stick in the mud and doesn’t get up to mischief. This is the man who drops sick burns for a living and can be described as “compulsively truculent”. Like, Eomer at 18 was absolutely a bit of a mad lad. But, there was always this fear and anxiety hanging over him of having to live up to great expectations - most of which he’s placed on himself but he’s not aware of that. 

Later, I’ve always headcanon-ed that he does a bit of that daft thing of comparing himself to Aragorn and is like “I’m not living up to the story book legend who rules the neighbouring kingdom” and despairs. 

Eowyn: You’re doing fine. And really, Boromir and Arwen run 80% of everything. Aragorn disappears into the mountains at any given moment. 

Eomer: But what if I’m somehow failing everything at all times? Have you thought about that? That I’m failing our parents and ruining our father’s legacy and destroying our uncle’s trust in me??

Eowyn: .  . . yeah that’s not happening. You’re fine. 

Eomer: BUT AM I???

Eowyn awkwardly pats his hand, ‘You’re fine.’ Eomer despairs. 

Grima: Can’t do worse than me. 

Eowyn: Yeah! You can’t do worse than Grima. 

Eomer: That bar is so low it’s underground. 

Additional to this, I think Eomer is scared of letting things go - like giving up control in situations. Because he’s got it into his head that so long as he is in control he can keep everyone safe and no one will die (i.e. his sister). And he’s terrified of things heading down the Road of Chaos. 

Which like, Eomer, good luck with that. You live in Middle Earth and Grima’s still around being the agent of chaos that he is. 

Grima: I’ve had a thought. 

Eomer: Oh no. Put it back where you found it. 

Grima: Too late, I’ve told Eothain and he thinks it’s great. 

Eomer: Gods preserve me. 

Eothain: Ok but hear us out -- 

-

For Grima - he’s got a long of weird, existential fears. The World Ending being the biggest of them. He’s got a bit of a nihilistic, hopeless streak in him that can get quite philosophical in terms of dread. 

But for more personal, grounded fears, I think the main one is that he’s terrified of being seen. Of being vulnerable. Because if people see him/know him, surely they’ll hate him and leave him and that would hurt so, so much. Therefore, if he’s mean to everyone, including himself, then people can’t hurt him because he’s already doing their work for them to himself. 

Yet, he’s also afraid of being alone and so desperately wants to love and be loved but doesn’t know how to go about making that happen in a healthy, normal manner. So he self-sabotages. Tells himself things like, “I was not a lovable child, and I’d grown into a deeply unlovable adult. Draw a picture of my soul and it’d be a scribble with fangs.” - Gillian Flynn 

This just creates a fucked up freeze/thaw cycle of “I want to fit in and belong somewhere, but if people know me they’ll see what an ugly thing I am, better that they don’t know me, so let me shut them out/be mean to them etc., no one cares for me because I am unworthy of it, this hurts a lot, and I think fitting in and belonging would probably stop it hurting, but if people know me they’ll see what an ugly thing I am, better they don’t ... so on and so forth.” 

So yeah. His deep seated fears of being vulnerable + being along make for some twisted thinking and lots of self-sabotaging. 

Grima; What is emotional vulnerability?? Never heard of it. 

Theoden: You could give it a try, you know. 

Grima: No. I refuse. 

Grima does that thing that Carrie Fisher talks about: “Of all the violence I have known in my life, I have not known violence like the way I talk to myself.” 

/

Thank you so much for the ask! This was an absolute blast to answer. I loved every minute of it. 

I love all Grima and Eomer questions. 

<3 <3 

[sanjuno]

You're doing NaNo?! Can you tell us anything about what you'll be doing???

SPOILERS FOR SANJUNO’S NANO 2020 PROJECT

No Evil Abolishing Resentment System

Transmigrator!Madara meets Reincarnator!Tobirama (… 55 times in a row.)

For NaNoWriMo 2020 – How Many AUs Can I Fit In One Fic?

·      0 Tails Interlude

o   Meet Sanzan-han

o   Introduction to System driven Quick-Transmigration isekai plot

o   “The seeds of evil are as follows, to hear of evil and take no action against it, to see evil and take no action against it, to speak of evil and take no action against it.”

o   “To do nothing in the face of evil is not a neutral act.”

o   “The only thing required for evil to flourish is for good people to do nothing.”

·      1st World:

o   Crystal Nuclei Zombie Apocalypse with Ability Users and levelling up AU

o   Politician!Madara ended up being shoved into a zombie tide by people who thought he was too strong/disliked him before the apocalypse

o   Scientist!Tobirama really regrets not preventing that when Zombie Emperor Madara breaks through the city walls and kills everyone in Konoha Base

o   Reborn!Tobirama is determined to complete the vaccine he was working on in his first life – also keep Madara alive so he can’t become a super zombie

§  Tobirama would like to say he is surprised by Madara’s competency in zombie annihilation but he remembers how terrifying Zombie King Madara was so he really isn’t shocked that Empowered Human Madara is just as much the living embodiment of Nightmare Fuel

o   Madara as evolved Zombie catnip with a mouthy pet fish

§  Madara is absolutely disgusted by the Z-poc Virus undead they are gross, rotting, and go squelchwhen he hits them.

§  Some zombie bits get stuck in Madara’s hair. He has a screaming tantrum and promptly sets the entire horde on fire.

§  Pro-tip: Career politicians should avoid indulging in a crying fit over getting their precious beautiful hair dirty during a fight if they want to be taken seriously by their military escort even if they areso hilariously OP they can indulge in whiny hysterics and not die horribly as a result

o   The Zombies are Zetsu

o   Oh look Madara’s blood has the key component to creating the zombie vaccine who would have thought

o   There is so much angry sex for stress relief, just… so much

o    

·      1 Tail Interlude

o   Madara is pissed off that he accidently ended up in a relationship with Tobirama

o   Madara wants a refund on this System

o   Sanzan-han explains the fine print of “No Evils Abolishing Resentment System” – the Target must have resentment both towards Madara and from Madara

o   Madara’s first world was intended to lock his target

o   Switching targets will result in a full reset of his karma to level 1 – no cheating by using his previous incarnations accumulated points to get a head start any more

o   Madara’s only other valid targets approaching Tobirama’s stats were Hashirama and Mito

o   Madara could target someone else but without the heavy accumulation of karma like the Senju-Uchiha bloodfeud situation it would take thousands of lifetimes to accrue 10 tails

o   Madara is so mad ^_^

·      2nd World

o   Japanese Classic Fable AU

o   Crane Wife!Madara being Tsundere with his husband

o   Madara is accused of theft and Scholar!Tobirama is convinced to spy on his wife’s weaving

o   Madara gets caught ripping out feathers to weave into silks that are sold to pay for Tobirama’s exams

o   Madara flies away and is shot down by hunters

o   Reborn!Tobirama who is more than a little obsessed with making sure his wife doesn’t have a reason to fly off again

o   Madara doesn’t really understand why Tobirama is trying to prevent him from doing anything productive this is weird

o   Zetsu is a corrupted monk trying to capture Madara for his feathers/demon core

·      3rd World

o   Galactic Empire Mecha Pilots with psychic powers and enhanced bodies versus the Zerg Horde

o   Arranged Marriages for the noble class occur based on genetic advantages rather than affection

o   Ace Pilot/Mecha Engineer!Tobirama pays less than zero attention to his nominal spouse and heir in favour of developing weapons to fight against the Zerg

o   SSS Ace Pilot!Madara resigned to being ignored by spouse, makes friends with in-laws for sheer spite

o   Madara framed for sabotage – dies holding off a Zerg swarm

o   Science child!Kagami killed by kidnappers

o   Reborn!Tobirama pays better attention to his spouse and child while fighting to end the Zerg threat

o   The Zerg are Zetsu

o   Madara rolls his eyes and sets the Zerg Queen (Kaguya) on fire – Tobirama confused and aroused by his spouse

·      2 Tails Interlude

o   Madara wants to know if he’s going to be required to save the world every single time he’s due to earn a new tail

o   Sanzan-han: Sources say “probably”

o   Madara would question the heavy-handed implication that Zetsu was just using him but he’s still super pissed off about being trapped in a cave for 50 years and then possessed by a demon goddess thing so he’s more than willing the blame Zetsu for all the horrible things that happened

·      4th World

o   Japanese Mythical Creature AU

o   Kitsune!Madara saves the life of War General/Prince!Tobirama from Yin poisoning

o   There’s a snowstorm and Madara has to warm Tobirama up

o   Madara is a Calamitous Beauty and killed by cultists who wanted his demon core

o   Reborn!Tobirama is doing his best to take responsibility

o   Zetsu is the cultists who poisoned Tobirama and killed Madara

o   Madara is super pissed off but the shrine and the garden Tobirama builds for him are really nice so maybe he won’t claw the pasty bastard’s face off

·      5th World

o   Super Heroes and Villains in a Megamind AU

o   Pyromaniacal Villain!Madara “Moon Eye” is obviously an alien and the arch nemesis of the city’s most beloved Hero, Treeman

o   Aquatic Hero “Flying Thunder”!Tobirama’s civilian-marine biologist ID keeps getting kidnapped

o   Reborn!Tobirama needs to keep Madara sane and honestly that’s easier than it sounds because Madara gets adorably flustered when given sincere compliments and is hilariously easy to distract with questions about his obviously-also-alien pet fish

o   #I accidently started dating my brother’s arch nemesis #what do I do? #waiting online for answers

o   Sanzan-han is Minion and really likes the exo-suit

o   Zetsu is an evil shadow organization trying to take control of the heroes for world domination reasons

o   Madara has an invisible Susanoo and as ridiculous as this world can be he’s having fun in it

o   “PRESENTATION!”

·      6th World

o   Immortal Cultivators AU

o   Borderline-demonic/Unorthodox Sect Leader!Madara is getting chased around by Righteous Sect Inner Disciple!Tobirama because Madara keeps nabbing all the good secret treasures that Tobirama needs to prevent the demon realm from breaking free and invading

o   Reborn!Tobirama realizes in hindsight that Original Goods!Madara was also trying to prevent the Demon Realm invasion because the Righteous Sects didn’t listen to his initial warnings

o   Tobirama eventually pins Madara down as his Dao companion to get access to the booty loot Madara has collected/protect Madara from being targeted by unscrupulous treasure hunters

o   The demons/demonic spirits are Zetsu

o   Madara is playing whack-a-Zetsu and doesn’t have time for Tobirama’s nonsense

·      3 Tails Interlude

o   Sanzan-han praises Madara for his top-notch seduction skillz

o   Madara is So Done with this stupid godsdamned fish

o   Sanzan-han mentions but doesn’t explain that the accumulation of “affection points” will start having a notable effect on Tobirama soon – so gambatte, Mada-sama!

o   Madara tries to ignore the constant hooking up in favour of plotting new ways to kill Zetsu – seeing as the creature is the only thing he can kill in the Other-Worlds without losing the “ExP” that will allow his return home

·      7th World

o   Geode Betting Modern AU

o   Carver!Madara is a picky spoiled artiste who got blamed for ruining Tobirama’s family

o   Reborn-with-Treasure-Senses Appraiser!Tobirama is determined to “get revenge in advance” on Madara only to realize what a dork Madara is

o   Tobirama frantically backs off on his face-slapping plot only to overcompensate his way into dating a crazy artist

o   #oops

o   Zetsu are the yakuza involved in rigging the Geode betting

o   Madara is confused by the lack of open warfare but thinks this is a nice vacation

·      8th World

o   Greek Monsters AU

o   Gorgon!Madara has the strongest stone-gaze in History

o   Heroic Demigod!Tobirama arrives to take off Madara’s head for prophecy reasons

o   Tobirama’s Quest ends in tragedy – turns out ghosts/guardians of the Underworld don’t turn to stone so Tobirama can’t bring his little brothers out using Madara’s decapitated head

o   Madara is hiding from Reborn!Tobirama because he wants to keep in head on his neck, fuckdammit and accidently interrupts the murder of Kawarama and Itama via even more accidental kidnapping

o   Tobirama just wants to apologize for overreacting to a very ambiguously worded prophecy that he self-fulfilled – Tobirama is really, really very sorry, really – also wtf give him back his baby brothers

o   Zetsu is the Oracle of Kaguya who killed Tobirama’s little brothers and wanted Tobirama/Madara cursed/dead

·      9th World

o   Sentinels and Guides are Known AU

o   SSS Guide!Madara is 100% going to cut a bitch if these special fucking snowflake godsdamned Sentinels don’t piss off and leave him alone

o   6-sense Alpha Sentinel Prime!Tobirama does not want a Guide who will only slow him down with their coddling nature

o   Tobirama rejects Madara/doesn’t acknowledge their nascent connection

o   Reborn!Tobirama wakes up out of a zone – wakes up after pulling the Guide he recognized far too late as his own out of the depths of the bay – and promptly terrifies his entire family by going hyper-focused and borderline feral as he takes off to hunt down his Guide

o   Tobirama’s Guide – his Guide who is still alive – still alive and not drowned

o   Reborn!Tobirama has some lingering trauma to work through btw

o   Madara terrifies so many people when he starts inducing hallucinations as a defense mechanism

o   Zetsu are dark Sentinel cult masquerading as a shady government organization

·      10th World

o   Classic D&D AU

o   Harpy Queen!Madara is being plotted against

o   Necromancer!Tobirama regrets killing Madara and keeping his soul in a jar when he finds out the truth

o   Tobirama let’s Izuna “mete justice” – protip: Uchiha Harpies are actually Furies

o   Reborn!Tobirama decides he quite enjoys being Madara’s concubine

o   Madara lays an egg

o   The Demon Gods trying to break loose and destroy all life get kicked back into the Underworld – insert Zetsu smiting here

o   Hashirama is traumatized by his little brother’s loincloth

·      4 Tails Interlude

o   Madara throws an epic tantrum over the egg-laying thing

o   Sanzan-han doesn’t understand his deal but obligingly flees screaming in terror anyway

·      11th World

o   Imperial Court AU

o   Fire Priest!Madara is given as a “bride” to Imperial Prince Tobirama to remove Tobirama from the line of succession

o   Tobirama considered a “holy child” by the Fire devotees due to his red eyes

o   Tobirama realizes too late that his opinion of his “wife” was manipulated so that he wouldn’t be able to gather his full strength to compete with his enemies

o   Reborn!Tobirama has goals to 1. Be gay, and; 2. Commit Treason

o   Zetsu as the scheming Minister who is actually the bastard child of Empress Dowager Kaguya

o   Madara turns the court upside down and shakes because he’s bored and vindictive

·      12th World

o   Beastmen in Space AU

o   The Tribes are even more stupidly competitive than shinobi Clans but have more space (lol) to spread out so they aren’t at full war with each other

o   Snow Leopard!Madara has a female beast form as most Uchiha males do – Uchiha females tend to have male Beast Forms

o   Uchiha Do Not switch forms in Public/on the Battlefield and also the Uchiha don’t gender the way the other Tribes do

o   White Tiger!Tobirama only discovers this after the Uchiha are destroyed by hostile invasion of Borg-type enemies

o   Zetsu are the Borg knockoffs

o   Reborn!Tobirama starts courting Madara because rowr and peace happens because kittens – yay!

o   Madara uses his carving skills to create power stones that allow High Level Beasts to control themselves

·      13th World

o   Castlevania-esque Vampire AU

o   Vampires and Humans share a world but live in different realities thanks to magic sub-dimensions

o   Vampire Prince!Madara is lazy and hedonistic

o   Vampire Prince!Tobirama is disdainful of Madara’s magpie brain

o   Zetsu is the Religious extremist Vampire cult that realizes that Madara is the key to tearing down the veil and bleeds him dry to shatter the barrier separating the worlds and free the first vampire Kaguya

o   Reborn!Tobirama absolutely refuses to allow the Veil to get torn down again so he gets stupidly “devoted and jealous” over his previously despised betrothed

o   Madara is rather offended that the blood drinking is sexy and also that Tobirama is a tasty snack

·      14th World

o   Merfolk AU

o   Devil Firefish Mer!Madara always knew that the merfolk from the deeper waters would only visit the Volcanic Reef to mate and leave, especially the sharks – but he had still wanted to hope for something more…

o   Great White Mer!Tobirama only ever left the Kelp Forest to guard his more hormone driven kin when the pod headed to shallower waters to spawn and let the fry gather strength in the protection of the cove before heading back home

o   Tangling with the pretty, poisonous leader of the Uchiha pod was a mistake that could be entirely blamed on his brother’s tendency to overindulge in urchin-spines and share his vices with every mer in the vicinity

o   Someone (see: Zetsu) fucks up and pisses off the Ocean

o   Seaquakes and the resulting tsunami’s drive all the mer to the deepest-water cities to wait out the disasters

o   Madara gets eaten by a giant kraken while defending the fry – Tobirama arrives just in time to see Madara and their son get torn in half

o   Reborn!Tobirama courts Madara properly and the Uchiha pod moves into the sea-caves because the coral as too fragile for Tobirama’s peace of mind

o   Zetsu are creepy seaweed/anglerfish things

·      15th World

o   Virtual Reality Game AU

o   Code-writer!Tobirama develops Kenjutsu Mania Online in an attempt to revive his comatose little brothers

o   Overworked Detective!Madara gets suckered into the VR game with his little brothers

o   Crazy Person (Kaguya) traps all the players in a death game – as you do

o   Tobirama gets exposed as a game designer and PK’d

o   Reborn!Tobirama parties with Madara and gets married for the ExP bonus

o   Zetsu are a computer virus AI like Agent Smith

o   Madara uses IRL weapon skills to break the game and his character build before he smashes the Crazy Person open like an overripe melon

o   All the little brothers wake up

·      5 Tails Interlude

o   Sanzan-han is very proud! Mada-sama is halfway there!

o   Madara is throwing a huge fit over giving birth in 2 out of 5 worlds

o   But Mada-sama, the massive amount of affection points!

o   Fuck your affection points!

o   That’s the spirit, Mada-sama!

·      16th World

o   Modern Wizards AU

o   Dragon Keeper!Madara trips over poachers/dark wizards who kidnapped Ancient Runes Master!Tobirama for evil-ritual-sacrifice purposes

o   They accidently end up in a Marriage Bond

o   Tobirama suspects Madara of being a Dark Wizard

o   Madara is framed and executed – only for the real culprit to be exposed a few months later

o   The real culprit is Kaguya and Zetsu natch

o   Tobirama explodes a Time Turner

o   Reborn!Tobirama drags his new spouse Dark Wizard hunting

o   Couple Therapy for dumb Wizards go

·      17th World

o   ID Porn in a Miraculous AU

o   Masked Hero Phoenix is consistently pursued and wooed by his partner in crime fighting, Dragon

o   PoliSci TA!Madara has a raging brain crush on Bio-Chem Doctorate Student!Tobirama

o   An ill-advised insult/rejection causes Phoenix to darken and self-destruct

o   A grief-stricken Dragon “teleports” his mind back in time

o   Madara is so confused by Tobirama and his new stalker tendencies

o   Kaguya is RabbitMoth and Zetsu are the Akuma

·      18th World

o   Really Cheap Silmarillion Knockoff AU

o   Spell-Singer!Madara is driven mad by an Oath that was forced on him by a Messenger done Dark

o   Kaguya as the evil god and Zetsu as her evil Messenger

o   Forger!Tobirama doesn’t pay attention to extenuating circumstances until it’s too late and the bodies are buried

o   The World goes to shit for 3 ages because Tobirama’s shinies are the shiniest

o   Reborn!Tobirama devotes himself to fucking over Zetsu’s evil schemes and making pretty baubles for Madara

o   The fact that Madara’s new hairpin can level a mountain range is incidental and has nothing to do with Tobirama’s paranoia

o   An ancient mystery re. parentage is solved when Madara sings Kagami into being right on schedule – Tobirama is delighted to assist this time

·      19th World

o   Steampunk AU a la FF flavour

o   Enemy Nation!Madara is the Prince/General who goes crazy due to infection from alien viral lifeform

o   HoL Companion!Tobirama as a Prince of the protag Nation who are prophesized to save the world from Calamity

o   World goes to shit

o   Zetsu is the Scourge and Kaguya is Jenova/the Accursed

o   Tobirama is too impatient to wait out the “time-skip”

o   Reborn!Tobirama sneaks into the enemy stronghold – finds pre-infection!Madara imprisoned with tiny clone-child Kagami and steals them both

o   Cue roadtrip shenanigans as both sides try to track them down

o   Madara gets to one-man-army the forces of evil – Tobirama is very impressed

·      20th World

o   Demon Hunter AU

o   Incubus!Madara has a “food allergy” and has been stuck at the physical age of 13 being fed energy by his family members for the last 200 years

o   Functionally Ace Demon Hunter!Tobirama pegs Madara for a sex demon on sight because the lust whammy is legit the most distracting thing to ever happen to him and that incubus looks like a child ew

o   Tobirama sets a trap for Madara and is mean about it because he doesn’t appreciate the second-hand bad-touch feelings – trigger warning: allusions to non-con gangbang

o   Madara kills the “bait” and Tobirama bursts into the room

o   Tobirama sees adult!Madara in the aftermath of the carnage and is horrified to recognize his soulmate

o   Madara proceeds to vomit blood and dies at Tobirama’s feet – the allergy is no joke

o   Tobirama learns about Madara’s “allergy” from revenge rampage Izuna – recognizes that Izuna is Touka’s soulmate and doesn’t fight back

o   Tobirama regrets so hard he magics his soul back in time to the day he first saw Madara

o   The most awkward dating adventure begins

o   Zetsu are the actually evil demons who eat people for real – and not in the fun way Uchiha do

·      21st World

o   Gods AU

o   Ocean Kami!Tobirama realizes too late that he loved Volcano!Kami Madara and was unable to rescue him from the Underworld – that trick never works

o   Reborn!Tobirama starts bringing Madara tributes, averts the Twilight of the Gods via shameless debauchery, and accidently builds a tropical island honeymoon palace to spoil Madara in

o   Zetsu are the evil servants of the “god-eating Titan” Kaguya

·      6 Tails Interlude

o   Lots of Madara screaming about how the Powers That Be are far too fucking obsessed with seeing Madara get railed

o   Sanzan-han goes no-duh, most lifeforms devote about 99% of their spare life energy towards reproductive efforts

o   Madara is very grumpy about being a SSS Class Ninja Nightmare reduced to pillow-book wish-fulfillment fantasy fodder

·      22nd World

o   Noodle Dragon AU

o   Dragon King of the Northern Ocean!Tobirama and Quetzalcoatl!Madara courting shenanigans

o   OTL!Tobirama fucked up and led Hunters (Zetsu) to OTL!Madara’s nest and they stole his heart for black magic doomsday ritual

o   Madara ended up a stone statue curled around the shattered remains of his first egg

o   Reborn!Tobirama is determined to be a properly attentive mate

o   Madara is resigned to laying eggs again

·      23rd World

o   GoT-knockoff Medieval AU

o   Madara gets burned at the stake as a witch, doesn’t die, and then gets torn apart by a terrified mob

o   Northern Lord!Tobirama realizes that he done fucked up and needs Madara to beat the evil ice zombies

o   Reborn!Tobirama starts wooing an extremely cranky pyro-prince while trying to give the Uchiha Crown Prince more positive PR with the peasantry to avoid another riot

o   Zetsu are the Others, Kaguya as the Night Queen

·      24th World

o   ‘Taur AU – Tribal Setting

o   Leopard-Taur!Madara lives high up in the Mountains

o   Tiger-Taur!Tobirama is poisoned and delirious during a fated encounter – he doesn’t learn what happened or who saved him until after both prides are mostly destroyed

o   Reborn!Tobirama manages to avoid delirium induced amnesia and starts stalking Madara with the intent to make love not war

o   Zetsu are corrupted from using radioactive/poisonous Power Stones to boost strength, Kaguya is actually parasite queen

·      25th World

o   Exorcists and Ghosts AU

o   Cursed Ghost!Madara lingers in the courtyard he called home while he was alive

o   Kagami wanders in during the ghost hour and Madara shoves him into a cabinet to protect him

o   Exorcist!Tobirama finds out that Madara was still protecting Kagami from the devil spirits – not haunting him – only after the devils grow stronger and get free after ghost!Madara is destroyed

o   Reborn!Tobirama needs to figure out a way to woo his past incarnation’s very justifiably angry murdered consort before Madara denies Tobirama visitation rights

o   Zetsu are devil spirits who cursed Madara to death, Kaguya wants to consume Kagami for power

·      26th World

o   Midsummer Night’s Dream AU

o   Fairy Prince!Tobirama gets dosed with love potion

o   Meets Dark Forest King!Madara

o   Falls in potion induced love – which gets Tobirama invested enough to forget his previous prejudices and fall in True Love

o   Then Madara dies

o   Reborn!Tobirama is now immune to Love Potions because he is in True Love with Madara – fuck you, cheating bastard traitors to the Fairy Crown

o   Tobirama runs off into the Dark Forest to snag himself a Goblin King (and break Hashirama out of Love Potion induced insanity, natch)

o   Zetsu as the dirtbag fiancée, Kaguya as the dark fairy trying to take over both kingdoms

·      27th World

o   Naga AU

o   Banded Sea Kriat!Tobirama tangles with in-heat Black Hooded Tiger Snake!Madara and doesn’t realize until later that the whole situation was a bloodmage trap

o   Zetsu are the bloodmages

o   Tobirama finds Madara’s still bleeding skinned body a few weeks after they tangle – manages to get Madara’s skin and their still-curing egg back from the hunting team

o   Tobirama tries to save their egg and fails – it was taken from Madara too soon

o   Tobirama hunts down the bloodmage and dies in killing them

o   Reborn!Tobirama gives Madara proper aftercare – notes the bloody wound from the unwanted heat inducing potion – and hauls Madara back to his den for proper nesting

·      28th World

o   Magical Knight AU

o   Storm Knight!Tobirama damages Evil General!Madara’s control seal during the battle of the week

o   Tobirama then runs into amnesiac in civilian ID Madara after the fight and goes on a date

o   Tobirama still end up killing Madara when the brainwashing is reapplied – prolonged death scene reveals that Madara was mind-controlled not committing betrayal

o   Reborn!Tobirama puts significantly more effort into ensuring that the control seal is completely removed from “General Indra”

o   Madara helps defeat the Ancient Evil while wearing leather booty shorts

o   Kaguya as Mettalia, Zetsu as the Youma

·      7 Tails Interlude

o   Forget about the indignity of being Tobirama’s go-to baby incubator – Madara is absolutely flipping his shit over the booty shorts

o   Sanzan-han thought they were quite flattering on you, Mada-sama!

·      29th World

o   Blood Magic AU

o   Demon Lord!Madara gets honeytrapped by Blood Mage!Tobirama and stabbed from behind by Hashirama

o   Tobirama turns Madara’s body into a scrying gem to steal his powers and secrets

o   Snooping through Madara’s memories of their courtship lets Tobirama discover that Madara’s “evil plot” was a baby Kagami now cold in his cradle

o   Reborn!Tobirama is doing everything in his power to keep his family from finding out about Madara because the Senju’s whole “thing” is demon hunting and stealing their magic

o   Kaguya as the creepy Ancestor of the Senju clan who started the demon killing habit, Zetsu as the twisted remains of Senju elders who cursed themselves due to magic addiction

·      30th World

o   Phantom Thief AU

o   Kaito!Tobirama has to watch as his dear Detective!Madara gets gunned down by the Black Organization

o   Reborn!Tobirama first tries to send Madara away for his own safety – has a control freak panic attack when he can’t see Madara

o   Tobirama proceeds to go full disclosure overcompensation trying to keep Madara safe

o   Madara is a Sigh and steals all nine bijuu tama while Tobirama is sorting himself out

o   … Tobirama would like to know when his dear Detective learned to pick locks but before that there is a very serious problem that has arisen in Tobirama’s pants that needs to be dealt with because that was the smoothest heist Tobirama has ever borne witness to holy shit

o   Zetsu as the Black Organization looking for the magic gem Kaguya

·      31st World

o   Transformers AU

o   Decepticon!Madara is Sunspot and Autobot!Tobirama is Whitespace

o   The Great War happens – Kaguya-as-Unicron wakes up and eats most of the planet and population

o   “That’s no moon.”

o   Whitespace yeets his spark back in time and attempts to if not stop then at least delay the start of the Great War

o   Reborn!Whitespace ends up pair-bonding with Sunspot to rob the Decepticons of their Air Commander

o   A 3rd faction forms separate from the High Council versus Violent Terrorist Extremists options

·      32nd World

o   Beauty and the Beast meets Hanahaki Tragedy AU

o   Imprisoned Guest!Tobirama heads home for The Visit and stays away too long – not longer than he promised, but Beast!Madara was days away from suffocation

o   Tobirama comes back to a silent castle and finds Madara on his bed surrounded by blood and the flowers that had burst out from under his skin

o   Reborn!Tobirama is determined to break the curse – Madara is just really tired and in pain

o   What kind of fucking sadist curses a kid with roses growing inside their body – Madara was 13 when this shit started and his body knows it

o   True Loves Kiss ensues (and also Itama and Kawarama beat the shit out of Zetsu for cursing their new brother in law)

·      33rd World

o   ABO ElfQuest-ish AU

o   Alpha!Tobirama thinks he was tricked into marriage hunting Omega!Madara as part of a plot against the Senju Kingdom – everyone knows that you can’t trust Dark Elves

o   Tobirama finds out too late that there are evil forces on the loose that only the Uchiha are aware of – that’s why the Dark Elves are called Dark Elves, because they hunt evil in the dark

o   Madara is caught and left mutilated for Tobirama to come across just as he made up his mind to treat his mate better

o   Reborn!Tobirama misses his cue from the original setup – but he still finds Madara hiding in a waterfall cave because fuck no, no more fucking fucking

o   Spoiler: Madara gets fucked good and hard

o   Tobirama and Madara go demon hunting together

o   Zetsu are the Madkin demons created by Kaguya’s twisted flesh-shaping

·      34th World

o   Wonderland AU

o   Evil Dictatorship ruling family Uchiha Clan are actually held captive by their Palace – it’s a seal keeping a demon asleep and powered by the Uchiha who live inside the castle – the Uchiha don’t actually do much ruling, the Council of Elders is where the majority of the corruption is

o   Revolutionary!Tobirama kidnaps Crown Prince of Hearts!Madara during the siege to “free” Wonderland which lets the demon loose so Tobirama is forced to marry Madara and have kids quick due to being responsible for the plan that killed off 99% of the Uchiha

o   Also people born with red eyes get married to the Uchiha in the Kingdom of Hearts – those with red eyes have hearts that cannot be fooled or controlled (meaning they’re able to see through the demon’s tricks)

o   Reborn!Tobirama has just enough time to alter his plan for the attack on the Palace of Hearts – then he walks in on the turncoat guards who gave the Revolution entry to the Palace making comments about sexually assaulting Madara

o   Tobirama bursts in before Madara can break their skulls and “saves” his future husband

o   Most of the Uchiha survive this time – only the Elders get killed

o   Tobirama marries Madara again and gets to work on revamping the bad laws

o   Zetsu is the Jabberwocky

·      35th World

o   Werewolf Fighting Ring AU

o   Alpha Werewolf!Tobirama was unwillingly mated to Alpha Werewolf!Madara when he was caught and held prisoner by slave traffickers

o   Tobirama rejects Madara once they’re free of the arena but makes sure to “payback” Madara for his “humiliation” first

o   Madara had been given heat drugs the entire time and didn’t remember what Tobirama resented him for

o   Madara ends up dying from mate-loss

o   Tobirama is focused on bringing down the slavery ring and doesn’t know Madara died – until Hashirama sends him a letter about how his mate “didn’t make it through the birth” and asking him to get back for the funeral

o   Tobirama finally slows down – reads the file on Madara he has been ignoring since he found it – and breaks

o   Reborn!Tobirama is focused on treating Madara as a proper mate while also getting revenge on the Slavers

o   Madara is going to rip out so many throats out over being pregnant again

o   Zetsu as the warlocks running the slave rings to feed Kaguya power

·      36th World

o   Star Wars AU

o   By-the-Code Jedi!Tobirama tends to bisect all the “darksiders” he runs into – kills Izuna during a mission

o   Madara does full dark-side rage and Empress Kaguya takes over

o   Zetsu as the Darkside clone army

o   Reborn!Tobirama is a lot less saber-happy and has learned that the Uchiha are not dark – more wild/grey

o   Ends up Force Bonded to Madara to bring Balance

·      8 Tails Interlude

o   Madara has a screaming breakdown to the tune of “why fucking Tobirama?!?!?!”

o   Sanzan-han is like “He resented you the most? Duh? No Evil Abolishing Resentment System?”

o   Madara tries his best to fry the stupid gods-be-damned-twice fish

·      37th World

o   Sex Slave Soulmate AU

o   War-Mage!Tobirama uses borderline-forbidden magic to make Kagami – shatters his soulmate link to do so, which is what makes the magic unpopular but not illegal as nobody is actually “harmed” by the spell

o   Note: Kagami is now the living embodiment of the link

o   Kagami finds Courtesan!Madara in a high-end brothel that is a front for nobles to buy magically bound sex-slaves – this is actually super forbidden magic, btw

o   Tobirama saves Madara and the other enslaved thralls while rescuing Kagami

o   Madara had enough magic to fight against the enchantment and managed to get Kagami out of the brothel – that’s how Tobirama knew where to attack

o   No follow through after the rescue – Madara and the others are left under the enslavement seals

o   Madara ends up assaulted/dead/silenced by the nobles who used to patronize the brothel and slave market

o   Reborn!Tobirama moves faster and has already figured out how to break the enslavement curse – gets to the brothel before Madara manages to get Kagami out again

o   Mexican standoff ensues – Tobirama rescues his soulmate and kid

o   Madara gets freed from the curse

o   Courting ensues when their soulmark repairs when they touch after the curse is broken

o   Kaguya as the evil mage who was using the brothels as a power source, Zetsu as her simulacrum servants

·      38th World

o   Mythos AU

o   Dragon!Tobirama is married to Phoenix!Madara and resents it

o   Madara has bad PR and Tobirama listens to rumours so he ignores Madara as much as he can

o   Civil War erupts – Madara hides Kagami when their Palace is attacked and is a distraction

o   Tobirama finds his spouse ritually violated to steal his “fire”

o   Reborn!Tobirama is a much more enthusiastic spouse and realizes that Madara is a fluffy sap

o   Zetsu as the invading horde of magic thieves

·      39th World

o   Angels AU

o   Angel!Tobirama is “tempted” by Fallen!Madara

o   Tobirama kills Madara and kicks off a new War In Heaven

o   Regret hits when Tobirama finds Kagami’s body after Danzo kills him… in an exact mirror of how Tobirama tricked Madara

o   Reborn!Tobirama decides to “prove” that Madara is “evil” before killing him this time to keep the War from happening again

o   Tobirama gets his nose rubbed in Madara’s ability to love his family

o   Zetsu as actual demons who are trying to kill off both Angels and Fallen

·      40th World

o   Fae Marriage Hunt AU

o   Winter Fae!Tobirama was a petty bastard and resisted his betrothal to the point a Marriage Hunt was the only option

o   Skinchanger!Madara wins the Hunt

o   The peace between the High Court and the Wild Hunt collapses after Madara is killed during a diplomatic meeting

o   Reborn!Tobirama decides to play along/use his “marriage” to make the peace permanent

o   Tobirama gets his misconceptions challenged when Madara rides his cooperative “willing” bride into the ground

o   Kaguya as an evil Fairy Queen with Zetsu as her Greymalkin

·      41st World

o   The Mummy AU

o   Archeologist!Tobirama accidently triggers mummy!Madara’s awakening and the crazy demon cultists take advantage

o   Madara lets Tobirama kill him rather than let the cultists sacrifice Tobirama

o   Tobirama gets an info dump on Madara’s trauma

o   Reborn!Tobirama uses the evil cult to resurrect Madara properly and woos the ancient shogun like a boss

o   Kaguya as even more ancient evil Mummy and Zetsu as obsessed cultists

·      42nd World

o   Labyrinth AU

o   Adventurer!Tobirama keeps meeting a mysterious “king” in his dreams – King of the Labyrinth!Madara keeps a veil over his head and his hands covered by extra-long fluttery sleeves

o   Tobirama has to beat the Labyrinth to rescue his little brothers

o   Paranoid Tobirama gets tricked into betraying Madara by goblin Zetsu – the Labyrinth collapses

o   Tobirama’s little brothers are killed along with all the other kidnapped children – the energy from their deaths and the destruction of the Labyrinth is used to fuel the resurrection of a Demon God Kaguya

o   Tobirama dies taking his revenge after learning the full story

o   Reborn!Tobirama is much more willing to “dance” with Madara now that he knows Madara is as much or more a prisoner than the stolen children

o   Madara was used as a lure – his fingers bound in wire and his eyes sewn shut – but they miscalculated because Madara was still the King and wouldn’t let anyone who can’t complete his Labyrinth reach the children

o   Tobirama completes the Labyrinth… after he frees Madara

o   Yay romantic dance sequences

·      43rd World

o   Four Kings AU

o   Byakko!Tobirama gets trapped in a blood-and-wine seal

o   Suzaku!Madara runs afoul of Tobirama’s enemies, kills them all in a rage, and trips into Tobirama’s trap with him

o   Violent coitus ensues

o   Madara breaks the seal once the trap’s power has been exhausted and runs away

o   Tobirama wakes up with a blank memory as a result of the seal

o   Madara lays an egg – Kagami hatches

o   Zetsu as Minions of the God-Eater Kaguya catch Madara while he’s weak and sacrifice him thinking he still contains the combined essence of Byakko and Suzaku

o   Hey but actually Madara’s power was at a low ebb because he spent it all on Kagami so no resurrections for you, stupid doomsday cult

o   Tobirama rescues Kagami – baby bird begs the tiger to save his mama – is too late

o   Reborn!Tobirama gets to watch his past!self deflower the avatar of Suzaku and oh shit that means Kagami is my son? Tobirama is a scream

o   Time to gather the Four Kings and destroy a Demon Cult! Mito is Seiryuu and Hashirama is Genbu.

·      44th World

o   Warprize Ger AU

o   Imperial Prince!Tobirama is given as a consort to Ger Emperor Madara as part of a Senju plot

o   Tobirama is unaware that his attendants are using him to poison Madara but is super pissed at his father for giving him away as a treaty gift

o   Madara dies birthing Kagami but reveals to Tobirama that he was glad to marry him – Kagami is worth it and Tobirama was the only man to ever give Madara flowers

o   Kagami learns that it was a Senju plot that killed his mother and hates Tobirama for his part in it

o   War erupts between the Uchiha Empire and the Senju Kingdom again and destroys both countries

o   Reborn!Tobirama decides to overturn all his father’s plan and dotes on his Imperial Spouse – so manyflowers are given

o   Madara is an amazing Emperor and newly crowned Emperor Hashirama is super thrilled to have such peaceful relations with his neighbour thanks to Tobirama’s beautiful love story

·      45th World

o   Buddy-cop StarTrek Federation AU

o   Senju-With-Tentacles, Psychic!Uchiha-With-Horns

o   PHEREMONE MARKERS~!!

o   Zetsu are the Borg

o   Kagami is a Tube Baby

·      9 Tails Interlude

o   Madara is freaking the fuck out the last set of worlds were uniquely traumatizing – especially the Labyrinth one

·      46th World

o   Loveless AU

o   Sacrifice!Madara has learned to fight on auto – the first Sacrifice to figure out how to do so, and he doesn’t stop fighting even when his Fighter shows up

o   Fighter!Tobirama never wanted a Sacrifice because he didn’t want them to get hurt and he sees Madara acting as a Fighter so he doesn’t believe that Madara is a Sacrifice

o   The name of their Bond is Devotion

o   Madara gets targeted by a swarm of Dr. Kaguya’s fake-bonded Zetsu

o   Tobirama finds Madara’s body in Kaguya’s lab and uncovers the Bond too late to save his Sacrifice

o   Reborn!Tobirama is hyper overprotective and Madara trounces his Fighter’s ass up and down the street until he feels better about living in a reality with a world-wide virginity fetish

·      47th World

o   Witch Madara and Magical Creature Tobirama

o   Tobirama is cursed into a human form

o   Tricked into thinking that he has to kill Madara/a Witch to get the curse broken?

o   It was all a lie

o   Tobirama twisting the curse to go back in time instead of dying

o   Madara is too gods-be-damned-again tired for this nonsense

o    

·      48th World

o   Stargate AU

o   Head Scientist of the Expedition Tobirama

o   Leader of the surviving “Ancients” Madara

·      49th World

o   Welcome to Nightvale AU

o   Tobirama, the Scientist

o   Madara, the Sherriff of the Secret Police

o    

·      50th World

o   BDSM AU

o   Tobirama IDS as a Switch but he’s service oriented non-dynamic instead

o   Madara thinks toys/scenes are silly – demi-romantic/grey-ace Madara rides again

o   Tobirama has cultural dissonance meeting a “Dom” who likes being the one fucked

·      51st World

o   TRON?

·      52nd World

o   Tyrant CEO/Entertainment Circle

·      53rd World

o   From another world AU

o   Tobirama drops into Fantasy Land from a Modern-ish Naruto World

o   Madara as the Villainous Noble who was “jealous” of Tobirama’s magic power

·      54th World

o   Last Unicorn AU

o   Madara is the Kirin

o   Tobirama as a Wizard who likes Science more

·      55th World

o   Dragon Raja AU

·      10 Tails Interlude

o   Sanzan-han reveals why they were helping Madara – and fade to black

·      Return to the Warring Clans Era

o   Canon is About to Be Diverted

o   Madara is back on the battlefield where Izuna died

o   Promptly summons Sanzan-han to stop this fucking bullshit – Sanzan-han has ascended and become a massive dragon so yeah the battle is definitely over now

o   Tobirama appears to be having a migraine – whoops looks like the arrival of Sanzan-han has started the data-dump of all Tobirama’s System-generated memories into canon!Tobirama

o   Peace and Konoha happen

·      Epilogue/Extras

o   Tobirama has Suspicions regarding his shiny new memories – especially because he remembers seeing that fish. Everywhere. All the time. Stupid fish.

o   Everyone is very confused by how fast Tobirama and Madara get over the war and hook up but yay peace? Also Madara and Tobirama somehow make a baby and everyone is too busy trying to figure out how that works to complain anymore.

o    

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