#he is so pretty dresses but scared to be perceived to me

[buboloboogie]

self indulgent shilo wip! tryna figure out a rendering style while also getting more comfortable w/ colors/coloring in general, forgive me for the roughness 😔☝️

[dceasesd]

why juni ba’s the boy wonder has my favorite jason characterization of any contemporary comic run: a needlessly in-depth analysis (pt.3)

go check out part 1 and part 2 if you'd like! this is a long one, sorry guys.

if you haven't already i'd recommend you check out pt. 1 & pt. 2 (linked above), but if you haven't checked them out i've been going over some of the main things people have been criticizing ba's characterization for: 1. the typical boiling down of jason's character to "the angry one" 2. his lack of strategy going into the fight with the demon is out-of-character 3. the neighbor's kid interaction

alright, so this last point is purely based off of one page of the entire comic: the one where the child of one of jason's neighbors is dragged inside his home when his mother see's jason coming.

first off, i love this page. it might be my favorite page in the entire issue. everything about it is great. just thought i needed to say that.

anyway, there's some people who are seeing this page and reading it as "jason protects kids! that's one of his big things! why are they scared of him?"

here's the thing, though: the kid isn't scared of jason, the mom is. the kid is literally playing dress up as the red hood-- he's not scared of jason, if anything he's trying to replicate him. little kids dress up as their heroes all the time; why is this kid any different? it doesn't really make sense for the kid to dress up of something he's scared of (not everyone is as weird bruce wayne), especially a real person that could be a real threat rather than a concept. i doubt you see many kids in gotham dressing up as the joker or something, because that's just asking for trouble.

the dress-up honestly seems like a ploy for attention to me. the kid clearly knows that red hood lives in his building (which is honestly so funny. take off the mask jason you're giving you're position away (actually this is a really good instance for analysis but i'm determined to not go on a tangent)). if the kid knows red hood lives in his building, what better way to get his attention that dressing up as him and playing pretend? if the kid was scared of him, he wouldn't want to draw that sort of attention to himself. if he had a sort of hero-worshippy thing going on like i suspect, then he would want to get jason's attention. to sum it up,

it's the mom who pulls him away when jason nears, because she either a) perceives him as a threat, b) doesn't want her kid to try and replicate him even more, or, the most likely option, both! the kid isn't scared of him, but the mother believes they should be.

once again, we come back to the whole perception vs. reality theme i talked about in part one! we've come full circle, everyone!

when looking at the neighborhood's perspective of the red hood, ba gives us a few contradictory examples. there's the kid and the mother, obviously, but there's also a slew of other citizens who interact with him at the beginning of the issue, both in fear and camaraderie.

the unhoused man and the people outside of his building clearly have a familiarity and are comfortable with him, while the shopkeeper is terrified and literally has a banned poster on his wall featuring jason (i am so curious what he did to deserve that, if he even did anything at all). from this, it appears that jason's reputation teeters between fearful and familiar-- a sentiment that also colors jason's relationship with his family.

furthermore, this concept underscores just how lonely jason is-- one of the only good relationships he had in his current life was his fucking landlord, for gods sake, and he's dead.

i think it's important to note that jason doesn't respond to the friendly greetings from the men-- he could attempt to build camaraderie, the roots are there, but he chooses not to. he could work to try and show the mother that her son is safe with him, but he chooses not to. why? jason is obviously lonely (as ba states in the panel below) and he caves pretty easily when damian asks him for help (both of them are so desperate for human interaction its tragic). so why does he distant himself from the community?

obviously it is in part due to the vigilante lifestyle, but it is also jason's perception of himself and how he believes others perceive him, especially in regards to his family (ba is literally hitting readers in the head with that theme baseball bat).

he doesn't see that the kid with the mask looks up to him, all he sees is the mother pulling him away. he sees the banned poster in the store. and, as ba narrates, "he was sure he'd been forgotten about" by his family. utrh is jason's twisted way of attempting to reach out and connect with bruce, and obviously that doesn't work-- so he chooses loneliness over rejection.

like in part one, though, damian refutes this idea by describing bruce's perspective, showing how what jason believes differs from actuality. bruce hasn't forgotten about him and doesn't hate him, as he suspected, but instead harbors guilt over the situation and desires to make it better, which jason must come to understand to be able to open the locked door and begin to move past his trauma.

so, that's what the little kid in the red hood outfit looks like to me. i actually have a lot more i'd like to say about the boy wonder, especially in regards to the whole "door to my past life" thing and what ba does with lighting and blocking in his artwork, so i may do a little post on that as well! i was gonna try and shove it into this one, but i've run out of room! i hope you guys liked my analysis, if you'd like to chat about the boy wonder or any other comics, my dms, asks, and reblogs are happily open! thanks for reading! :)) <3

pt. 1 / pt. 2

[johnwickb1tsch]

bittersweet ~ a yandere!John Wick x fem!reader sunshine/grump coffee shop AU... Part 39 all chapters

WARNING: NSFW, SEXUAL CONTENT, VIOLENCE, YANDERE SH!T. Plz take care. I luv u all. 😘

39. pool time  

You float in the pool, cooling off after a day of training. Not so much your body, as your head. 

John yelled at you earlier for not clearing a chamber jam fast enough for his liking–and you are tired of all of this. 

Mariko continues to kick the shit out of you every other day–but you are learning a lot, so you take it. Just when you think you might be earning her begrudging respect–she finds some new way to put you in your place–and on your face.

John drills you at the range and on the speed course, and you didn’t think you were doing too bad, until about an hour ago. But the slide stuck and the spring was tight and the checkered metal hurt your sore fingers and the guns are heavy…you’re over it.

You don’t even want to go to Argentina anymore. You just want to go home. 

The only one in the pool, you swim back and forth aimlessly, underwater and above, changing your strokes every few passes then floating again. 

This situation is wearing on John too. If they don’t show soon…you don’t know what he’s going to do. Something that will probably mean leaving you here, in safety, while he goes off to do what he does. 

Which according to Winston, is starting fires in the Underworld he doesn’t quite know how to put out, without killing everyone. 

The thought of him going on another rampage terrifies you. 

You sense the shadow of someone standing over you at the side of the pool. Expecting John, you right yourself in the water, looking up.

“I did not know the New York Continental boasted its own mermaid.”

So. Not. John.

You immediately sink again in the water, peering up at the newcomer with narrowed eyes. You’re not sure which clue put you on edge immediately: the wolfish way he looks down at you, his elegant yet flashy manner of dress–or his Italian accent. 

You say nothing in return, your heart in your throat. Somehow, you just know. 

“Allow me to introduce myself. Dante D’Antonio.” He squats down at the side of the pool, paying you a cruel little smile. A lock of his dark, curly hair falls down over his forehead; he’s handsome, but there is something missing in his hazel-green eyes as he stares you down. You’ll admit it. He scares the shit out of you. 

“Your fiancé killed my mother.” 

“Prepare to die?”

“What?”

“Sorry, I thought we were quoting The Princess Bride here.”

“What?” 

“It’s good that you’ve come, signor D’Antonio,” you say more carefully, kicking yourself for being a smartass in this world where everyone spoke carefully and in metaphor, because crossing the wrong person could literally mean losing your head. “My fiancé has been getting impatient.” 

“It was never his strong suit, so I’ve heard.” 

“And yet, you harass him. There are a lot of dead people who would tell you that’s not a smart move.” 

He waves you off with a flourish of his wrist. You are so tempted to splash him. “John Wick is an old man whose time has passed. It is a shame, he would involve a pretty little innocent like you in the crossfire.”

You glare at this man, sinking up to your nose in the water. What is he doing here, talking to you?

“D’Antonio.” 

John’s low voice draws you like a beacon. He stands at the other end of the pool, a dark pillar of death. The air positively crackles with tension, and then it dawns on you that this is d’Antonio’s purpose. Rile John Wick to the point of doing violence on Continental grounds, and make him sign his own death warrant.

Again.

You might have missed it once, but now you can see the bulge under John’s expertly tailored suit jacket. You know he’s wearing a loaded Glock on his hip, and that he could end this troublesome young man in about 1.5 seconds.

That would just be the beginning of your troubles. 

You remember what Winston cautioned you, about what John might do to a perceived threat of you. Fuck. 

“John…” you caution, swimming quickly for the ladder that is conveniently situated between the two men, intending to put yourself between them. Dread floods your system, as you fear you’ll be too late.  “Save it for the parlay,” you beg between strokes. 

If Dante d’Antonio was here, surely the others were on their way? It would be madness, otherwise, for the boy to show his face to John Wick?

“Yes, John. Don’t do anything rash,” taunts Dante with a smarmy grin, one hand stuffed casually in his waistcoat pocket.  

It all happens so fast. 

John rushes the kid, closing the distance between them in the blink of an eye. 

Dante balks, clearly not having thought through his life choices, facing down the John Wick with no bodyguards and no weapon to his name. 

You don’t think John actually touches the young man, but Dante manages to stumble over his own Gucci-clad feet in his panic–into the pool, in that beautiful silk suit. 

You watch this transpire open mouthed, half-hoisted up on the ladder. 

John’s iron grip on your arm pulls you out the rest of the way from the pool, snatching your towel from a chair as the two of you power-walk out, draping your dripping form with the soft terry cloth as Dante d’Antonio hurls angry Italian expletives after your retreating forms. 

“Are you going to get into trouble for that?” you hiss, your teeth chattering from the temperature change and the adrenaline. 

“I didn’t even touch him,” defends John, bundling you into the elevator. “What a little bitch.”

You snort at that. You are weightless for a moment, as the elevator rises. 

“Go to the room,” John orders you at the fifth floor. 

“Where are you going?” You try not to sound like a scared little girl, certain you fail. You’re not mad anymore. Just anxious, and you realize, a bit excited. Finally, something is happening.

“To talk to Winston.” 

Of course. 

“Hurry back to me?” 

He presses his lips to yours, then gently nudges you towards the hall. “Always.”

[shall-we-die]

sukuna and E :)

oh, and congrats!

╔‌‌‌‌═══════════════•⊰•°༄༚

{Experience}

☰[Main list]•⊰ Jujutsu Kaisen

How experienced are they? Do they know what they're doing?

╚═══════════════•⊰•°༄༚‌‌‌

• Of course. Sukuna knows very well what he's doing. He's a very experienced king who's lived many lifetimes, and he's seen and experienced just about everything. So yes, he's definitely good at these things, and he won't hold back. He's also very confident in his abilities, which makes for a very dangerous combo.

• Sukuna is not only a ruthless, sadistic and arrogant demon but also a charming, manipulative and cunning individual who would never be naive in any situation.  Therefore, he is capable of manipulating and controlling his lovers and potential partners through subtle, intricate and well thought out tactics that would never be perceived by the average human. Sukuna is a creature of chaos and unpredictability, so he's happy to try anything once.

┣━━━━━━━━━━━━━┅┅┅┄┄

One of his hands grips your cheeks, the other holding your wrists. He was smiling, but it looks closer to a sneer. “I told you,” His hot breath was burning your left ear. “to not get close to those sorcerers or there’d be consequences.”

He was angry because you disobey him. “You belong to me,” his face got closer to yours. “Never forget it, I will not be as forgiving next time.”

You’re his; No one else’s.

The harsh kiss he placed on your lips showed that today is one of those days when he simply gets angry and has no control over his actions.

Sukuna pulled back, he took you over to his bed, pushing you onto it.

"Y/N," his voice is low, and he's smiling. But his dark eyes are unblinking as he stares at you.

"Open your eyes, so I can show you how much you belong to me." He was on top of you.

He enjoys seeing that you are somewhat afraid of him. After all, he was nothing more than a monster.

He kisses up your neck, and then bites it. Not hard enough to draw blood, but enough to mark you.

He lifts your hands and pins them down, grinning. His lips press into yours, rough and violent, and there's nothing gentle or sweet about it.

"Only me," he repeats, and pins you down completely. He slides your dress off, so you're completely naked. Not even underwear. He looks you over, his eyes on your skin, and then slides you closer.

"S-slow down... please." You begged him with a shaky tone and he just chuckled. his thumbs caressing your tears, tracing patterns down your cheeks.

"My pretty y/n... don't be scared of me. You haven't seen my scary side yet." And then his huge, hard length sank into your hole.

He was holding your waist with one hand, and with his other hand, he pressed your wrists to the bed to keep you in place.

You held your breath so as not to make a loud noise. Today was one of those days where he didn't care about your pleasure or feelings.

you have any problems? no. You secretly loved the feeling. When he angrily and mercilessly thrusts inside you...

You wrapped your legs around his waist; While he watched your belly rise and fall, after each thrust into your poor wet hole.

"Ha...Wish you could... see your idiot helpless face... it's so funny... It's really embarrassing how you enjoy...ah—"

He squeezed himself more into you as he sighed.

"...being fucked by a monster like this!"

Was he cuming soon? no. Was time passing quickly? no. Would he be satisfied with just doing it once? of course not.

Was the whole bed supposed to be dirty because of your unstoppable cums? Yes

||[🄴xperience]||

━●━━━━━━────────

     ⇆ㅤㅤ◁🄳ㅤㅤ❚❚ㅤㅤ🄵▷ㅤㅤ↻

[broken-mandolin0357]

BTS and their Indian! S/O

BTS - 방탄소년단

✣ They happen to have a Indian S/O and so they finally experience some Indian shenanigans || Crack, Headcanons, Fluff|| boyfriend! bts x reader| Fem!Reader|

✣ this is my first post, hope you all enjoy it! This is no insult to anyone in particular, all is in good hearted manner, apologies for any mistakes, tell me if there is anything offensive, I will remove it, but this is not meant to marginalize anyone, just something I wanted to write out. Not to offend anyone or put hate on anyone or anything. Also Hindu! Reader.

Kim Seokjin - 김석진

☍ Seokjin with an Indian! S/O is a match made in heaven; you both come from big and divine cultures where you have a lot of amazing food and very pretty people! Seokjin is going to be so happy seeing his Indian! S/O, who is not afraid to show off their culture too other people.

☍ If there is one thing Seokjin loves about India, it's India's food, doesn't matter if it's street food or high class restaurant food, he enjoys street food more often though, enjoying Pani-puri, dahi puri, chaat, dabeli, vada pav, pav bhaji, omelets, etc. Does not care what it is, he is not afraid to try new things!

☍ He wants to see you in all the ethnic dresses of India!!! And now he realizes, how many sarees an Indian woman can have, some of which dates back to eight generations and how expensive they actually are, gets mental break down seeing how many sarees and clothing you have.

☍ Also he no longer does any maths, he asks you to do it and you do in your mind wayyy quickly than anyone else, cause you know Indian's love for maths and anger reach everybody...

☍ He was so shocked to see how less of meat consumption there is in India, literally all the food is vegetarian and so amazing! He packs up bags of foods from family events, weddings, hotels, restaurants and what not to bring to the members so they could try it....

☍ Literally always the victim of aunties bullying how call him, "Gorahae...." and maybe "girlish" always having emotional damage form your family, but all the aunties also fawn over him, feeding him, caring for him oh so gently, while treating you like shit....

☍ He also just I N H A L E S Indian sweets or pani puri, does not matter, he also loves the soda sold on streets, like the tingly feeling on his tongue...He sees how underdeveloped the country is but how caring, traditional, respectful and beautiful it is, nothing like how the Western movies perceive it to be!!!!

☍ Also, you know how women make their husbands pick out of so many beautiful choodees, some made of glass, some of china, some of metal, yeah he wants to buy all, not for you sometimes though, no for himself so he looks pretty just like you!

☍ Oh! He sees how often Indians wear gold, like pure gold is worn by children, who have no sense of money and just put it in their mouths, but every single person he sees has at-least something made of gold on them, might be fake but the amount of gold there is, it's scares him....

☍ Please take him to a mela (Indian amusement parks) he is going to be so happy, it's like seeing a child who has never been to an amusement park, you both will definitely go on the dragon swing ride or something like that.

☍ He will be smug and then you both will be screaming your heads off, because he is scary and when it ends he is rapping about you scaring him and forcing him to go there while his legs are shaking....

☍ Loves to watch romantic Bollywood movies, he claims that he is the embodiment of 'the flirty hero' in the Bollywood movie, so sweet and caring, loves to help you cook and respectful of all the elders and everyone, even if he doesn't know them!!!

☍ He finds the similarities between your cultures to be very nice, how you both are very caring of your elders, the amazing food, and the importance of education, divine cultures and so much more!!!

☍ He is definitely gonna rap at someone for playing Holi wrongly, and then someone will put permanent colour in his face, the silver one which is very hard to get out, so put on oil all over him and if it doesn’t work, well I guess more shower time with you, no?

Min Yoongi - 민윤기

✥ Yoongi, first and foremost love your culture, how it is very similar to his, how developed it is in many aspects as compared to many other countries in matter of behavior, culture, mannerism, festivals, relationships and much more.

✥ Yoongi very much loves Hindi songs, he finds them to be very catchy and amazing! He sees so many Indian singers and finds all their voices so unique and pretty.

✥ He also learnt about that one musician whose singing could make it rain or blow off a candle, he also started learning Indian classical music just so he could sing for you and ARMYs better!

✥ He finds Indian movies amazing as well, how musical they are, how many good points they serve and their story lines as of whole, he has watched so many with you.

✥ He has maybe learnt Indian curse words and would often angrily scream them at the boys whenever he gets mad and it scares them because it's like a different language to them and they feel he will curse them in some or the other way...

✥ He loves to see you dressed up in a traditional outfit with some jewelry, he doesn't care if it's a event or not, he loves to see you in in, reminds him of his own roots and reminds him how your country is important in your upbringing.

✥ Yoongi also loves Indian food, might be a tad bit too flavourful for him at times, but still enjoys it very much! He especially the non-vegetarian options of foods, reminds him of home with the spiciness and flavours, also treat him to momos, he's going to be so happy, mainly because you would remind him how his mother called him a boiled dumpling. <33333

✥ Take him to clothing markets of India, they remind him of the similar looking ones in Korea, except the ones in India are way crowded making him a bit scared but it's fine, he enjoys seeing so many clothing shops, food shops, jewellery shops, and you bargaining with the shop owner and buying things for 100 which were originally being sold for 700...

✥ One guilty pleasure of his is sneaking into the kitchen at night and making himself a packet of maggi and eating fridge cold rasgullas, he likes the chewy feeling when they're cold as compared to when they're at room temperature....He doesn't know why...

✥ He likes studying about India's past, he especially loves the superstitions because everything has some logic behind it for people following it, he also developed the habit of flipping flippers if he sees them upside-down.

✥ One more thing is take him to prepare for a wedding in your family, he sees how everyone no matter if you know them or not, if they're relatives, they all visit and help, women in the decorations and getting the bride and groom ready while the men do in the food, photography and others, everyone is needed to help and he has much more than happy to help your family.

✥ He always participates in prayers at Diwali, though gets a bit scared of blowing fircrackers, he refuses to ignite them in the beginning, but after a little bit of convincing, he agrees only if you go with him!

✥ Oh! Your cousins tie him rakhi, btw. Rakhi is a festival celebrated on love between brothers and sisters, does not matter if they're sibling or cousins, its where sisters tie rakhi on their brother's wrist and then brothers give them gifts in return, he gives every-single future sister-in-law and brother-in-law an envelope filled of 2000 ruppees ...Guess it's good being rich...

✥Oh, you know Yoongi will definitely say he is not going to play Holi and then will throw water balloons, use pichkari to spray water on you and put both pink and silver permanent colour on you and your teeth, luckily you’re prepared for his betrayal since the morning, so you lathered yourself in oil, and if you didn’t, well good luck….

✥ Also, he is gonna make so many rang-golis with you and others, he isn’t sure how to pick up the powdered colour and what to do if a colour is finished, but he’s got the most amazing spirit, and please teach him how to colour like he’s a kid, it’s gonna be so fun!!

Jung Hoseok - 정호석

♮ One word, he loves to see classical dances of India, there are so many classical dances of India and each require a set of knowledge of music and rhythm which can easily be learnt by anyone, he has tried to learn a dance and convinced boys to try out Kathhak and Bharatnatyam it ends up with them bruising their feet as you and the instructor laugh and have fun watching them.

♮ He also likes to watch South Indian movies with their amazing dance and songs also he is in love with KGF series and Pushpa, also RRR. He really likes songs of Indian movies though, he sees how they're perfect for dancing to and he practices Hindi songs with you.

♮ Also, him giving you the confidence to wear a traditional outfit in front of him or at an event to show how pretty you are... It's one thing because why not, you slay every Indian traditional outfit you wear! People are honestly so sensitive and so when he tries on a outfit, he makes sure you're in the pic with him to show that he's not a rude tourist and that it was your idea and so antis get no thought to hate on him and they go back to insulting how he has a lover....!! He'll save you from hate, no worried.

♮ Also, take him to eat food at chowpatis, especially baraf ka gola (ice stick) basically, shaved ice which is shaped and dipped into flavours and yogurts. I personally think he’d enjoy momos and dahi puri. Also maybe shikanji. He likes the sodas.....find them fun but also scary cause he fast he has to drink after the man places the powder in..

♮ He likes watching Indian movies, he finds them interesting and enjoys the songs in between them, he likes the storyline and the difference between a Korean drama and your movies. He will learn the dance for fun and practice and he will sing the songs too!!

♮ He loves to play Holi, but please put oil on his skin and hair because keep in mind, you will be putting permanent colour on him, also even if it’s not permanent, the colour does stain and he dyes his hair regularly, so it might be better for him to have darker hair.

♮ He likes Anupama btw, he loves to watch Indian serials, where there is drama between the mother-in-law, sister-in-law and female lead! He will then spread this to the boys and then whenever you’re watching the tv, when it’s the time for the show to come on the channel, they’re all pushing you out the frame to watch it and the tea is always hot and spicy to hear out!

♮ Jhope will be loved by your families, he is loved by the aunties, the uncles, the dadas, the dadis, the fufajis, the mausajis, the mausis, the mamas, the mamijis, the buas, basically everyone and you get the point, even the toughest nuts of the family like him!

♮ Your family will be a bit doubtful because well you’re Indian he’s Korean, so what if something goes wrong, they don’t want you to be in pain, but maybe let them chill out with Hobi for a bit and they’ll be asking to ask for a faster wedding date. Also, question by your parents, they asked me to ask you, Ahem! “WHEN ARE YOU GIVING US GRANDKIDS?!” Thank you!

♮ Whenever there is an event and there is music, he’s the first to dance at the event and he makes everyone feel confident enough to go crazy and he invited everyone to dance, teach him the dholak dance between the women of the family, you know the ones where you repeat the same steps while going around in a circle but it’s very fun? Yeah, those ones, he’s very good at them as you’ve seen!

♮ Every single cousin and sibling wants to tie a rakhi to him, especially your sisters are excited because he’s their future jiju after all~~ Okay and he gives everyone a handmade gift with some money, like he makes cards, gets dresses, and makes them a lot of bracelets! He makes the rakhi you tie on your brothers himself as well!

♮ Whenever you take him to a mela, prepare to be tired out because in his opinion, it’s so fun! He goes on E V E R Y  S I N G L E ride, He cannot handle himself and he pays for everyone! He buys every lady in the family the nice cheap jewellery which is sold in the fair, he buys you some as well until you stop him..

♮ He will always go with you and the elder people of the family to check your cousin or siblings or whoevers arranged fiancée or lover it. He wants to make sure your cousins and family is in good hands.

♮ His sister will absolutely be decorated by your family, she’s so fricking pretty and when she wears a lehenga, it may seem a bit too heavy on her, but she feels beautiful and she looks so pretty like her brother as well!!! She’s prettier than you as well!!!

♮ Hobi and the boys will join you for an Indian movie night, he and the boys will sing their hearts out whenever the music comes on and you and Hobi will dance together. And then he and boys will learn the whole choreography and dance it and maybe cope some of them steps for their next music video.

♮ Also, he looks SO HANDSOME in a kurta, please, do not try to convince me otherwise, you and him will wear matching clothes!!! He will also try to match accessories and then the boys will match as well and now you’re all matching!!!!

♮ He will always have fun during Diwali, he will learn about why cow dung is so important and reason behind everything you do during your festivals and then he will join you as well!! All the ladies will also gossip with him!! Some things he finds a bit weird, but pretty open to cultures...

♮ Is shocked how many ARMYs are there in India, and how less he hears from them when SO many things are also done here. He is happy to meet them and promises Indian ARMYs for a concert in India!

Kim Namjoon - 김남준

✤ Now, if there is one thing we all know is that Namjoon always loves to learn things. And he is the most invested in your culture! He finds the story so interesting and he is always ready to listen to something you say and he asks ‘What’s the reason behind it?’, even if it didn’t exist in India…

✤ Namjoon is also very much interested in Indian classical music and classical dances, especially KathaKali and Kathak, he is so intrigued to see how a person can produce such facial expression with such a strong eye movements and how it’s so interesting!!  Also how a drama can be shown through dance, he finds it very sweet and amazing!!

✤ Namjoon LOVES Indian curries, now he is surprised at how less of meat consumption there is of meat and even if somebody eats meat, Pork or Beef is off-grounds, mainly cause Pig is considered a impure animal and it’s meat is taboo and cows give us milk and it is our god’s favourite animal and it’s considered a family member and so eating it’s meat is said to be wrong...

✤ Look at me and tell me he won’t look handsome in a kurta…… I DARE YOU. He looks so pretty!!! He looks so pretty and his smile and his body and his thighs and and- Okay, sorry for the break-down, but let’s be honest here! He is looking phenomenal! Of-course your sisters will tease you, but it’s all in good fun, he looks like a prince, not our fault!

✤ Namjoon is always the one whom your family loves a lot, he’s THE standard of the cousin, all your cousins including you are being compared to him, and it only affects your cousins though, because you know GOD IS FAIR. They come to you asking how you got such a boyfriend and you explain how he doesn’t know how to drive or cook and they try to laugh it off but realize how they’re still gonna be compared to him….

✤ Namjoon is always so eager to learn and he will sit down with your grandparents who are watching those mythological shows, and then he will ask you to translate or explain it to him and if you don’t, he will ask your grandparents and then you will translate whatever they explain to him and he’s so excited to bond with them, your grandparents will love him so much!! I just know it deep in my veins!

✤ Namjoon very much likes Indian treats, especially sweets, more specifically rasmalai, or mango-rasmalai, he loves it, so delicate and sweet, and sugary and pillowy!! He is very generous at times, but he definitely doesn’t share it! Maybe after a lot of convincing by either the boys or you, he will give you a few bites…

✤ You know one thing, he is obsessed with Laila-Majnu love story, it is very similar to Romeo and Juliet, and he tries to understand everything, how Laila was a noble and Majnu was a commoner and thus they couldn’t be together and how when one of them was hurt the other would also sustain the injury because of how strong their love was. Also how even after Laila’s marriage and execution of Majnu they managed to be together in after life, he loves it, he cried a bit ngl….

✤ Namjoon is much obsessed with Diwali, he is surprised how easily Indians handle cow dung, he could never…But he finds everything to be very fascinating and fun, he definitely spends time with the kids who can’t handle sitting still while their parents do the rituals...Then you and him will burn crackers for as long as you all can!! Of-course you have to stop him and the kids, cause they don’t realize they’re using crackers meant for the next day and you have to tell them to stop otherwise there won’t be any crackers left to burn the next day

✤ Namjoon likes celebrating Holi as well, finds it to be fun and nice and gets to eat good food and spend time with you and family….Especially when the playful people of the family life his shirt to put permanent colour and find his abs and stop and freeze in the moment….

✤ Ooh, he will watch ‘bhabhiji ghar par hai’ maybe?? Idk…I’m not sure, but I do get the vibes that he will enjoy it, despite it being kind of stupid, but then again he will also enjoy some Hindi literature and devolve himself in it for a while!!

✤ Namjoon also very much enjoys the celebration of a wedding, especially how a family is heavily involved in everything related to the wedding, the designs, the venue, the outfits, the dances, haldi, the theme, the food, the video, the photos and everything else, he is always ready to involve himself and maybe the boys will help around as well, though they may be a bit ignored for they’re foreigners, but they’re happy to help around wherever they can!! But I guess we try to put our differences aside, but Indians have TOO MANY RELATIVES and so no everybody knows them, so introduce the boys as your friends and Namjoon as your fiancée and then get roasted a bit and asked whens your wedding date…

✤ OMG! HE IS SO SURPRISED AT HOW MANY BTS FANS OR K-POP FANS IN GENERAL ARE THERE IN INDIA?! He is always ready to put on concerts for his fans, and after the interview with Sakshma Srivastav, he wanted to meet more fans and he did and he is surprised at how many people are excited to see them, he's happy for such a new found group of people he didn't knew existed, but he likes it either wayyy!!

✤ Oh, please if there's a wedding or something where you're putting on mahendi/henna on your hands, please put some on his hands too!! His hands look very pretty and he likes the time to be spoiled like a the pretty baby he is..He finds the smell to be very 'naturey', you don't know what it means and neither do i...

✤ He will invite your cousins, friends or siblings to his studio so they could ask if he did good on his songs, only you're very favorite people come and yes they all agree with the tunes that they're nice...gorahae boi...

Park Jimin - 박지민

✿ Mr. Park Jimin is probably obsessed with rom coms from your country and also the amazing songs and soap dramas, he will sit with you before you go to bed and he will ramble about how tulsi got another husband after just divorcing her ex-husband and how turns out tulsi’s first child belongs to her second husband??? Yeah, no I don’t understand either, but my mom does this…Anyone else? Anyways, yeah, you go to sleep thinking how hot and steaming the spicy gossip tea is…it’s all fictional…

✿ Jimin would always be happy to go out with you and eat at chowpatis, he is always hoping you don’t have to cook and he goes there with the boys often to the point where when he enters the chowpati with you, the shopkeepers greet him saying “Gora ladke, heyyyyy!!!” While waving their hands and some usual customers remember him as well, cause well he's sorta famous and he comes very often, the food is good and cheap…not his fault, nice experience and these things are something he only gets to experience and you get to see his mocha cheeks, win win!!! Of-course be careful about food bacteria..

✿ Jimin is very much in love with colouring rangolis, if you know how to, please make one for him and if you don’t…cry…then try your best to make one, then once you’re back is hurting and you’re tired, he will kiss you sit down like a princess getting ready to be kind and start colouring prettily, you teach him if you know how to, if you don’t...Kind of sad, but it’s fun trying new things out for both of you!!!

✿ Oh don’t ask why, but I think he will like anklets, on himself and on you, cause it is a social construct and yeah, eh will put them on in the house and walk around, his anklets jingling as he moves his feet or when he’s on a dance practice, he anklets jingling, the boys teasing him as he dances and then they all get distracted and now you have seven boys stealing payals from you if you have some, if you don’t they’re gonna order online or ask your parents for some…please restock, they’re gonna break…

✿ You know, I heard some someone that Mochi is Korea’s rasgullas and rasgullas are Indian mochis, and this haven’t left my head, so our mochi boi likes the pearly, pillowy sweet rasgullas as he squeezes the sugar syrup out to make sure nothing drips out and then he will feed some to you, it’s a sweet moments for you both!!

✿ He will dress you up and himself up for Diwali and Navratri and do graba with you, teach him some steps, he will dance and join you and if you go to those huge places where people learn how to dance for days and then one the final days they have colour coded dresses and then winners and all that things are done, he will come with you there and ready to dance and spend a night in ethnic outfits!!

✿ He is very much ready for Holi, he is gonna fight with colours, completely wet, with water balloons, permanent pink and silver colour, with huge water-guns, and buckets filled with colours and water in it, get ready, he is not gonna go down without a fight…

✿ He is ready to fight anyone who says Indian does not have good Ethnic outfits, he’s ready to fight and he will do so while wearing a sari/lahenga/kurti, just to show he a man can look pretty in it as well...It popped in my head, forgive me…

✿ He adores shopping with you, especially for jewellery, he is gonna be beside you while you bargain or someone else whom you brought with you bargains and get the thing for price three times less than it was originally for!! He is gonna try on things and you tell him which looks the prettiest on him, they will surely look good on you as well, you’re a couple after all!! And then once home, you will wear it and send photos and when he comes home, he will wear the jewellery and then you will have a mini photoshoot!

✿ He is gonna dance the kathak, teach some steps or look up on youtube, please, he will find ghungroo online, buy them and wear ghungroo and maybe he will whine because the thread is too tight and it hurts (like I used to..), but you explain it needs to be tight as to make sure it doesn’t open…you know he will fall if it does happen…and he tries to understand but I guess it doesn’t work, he still will tie them a bit loosely, also he gets to learn that Bharatnatyam and Kathak both have different types of ghungroo

✿ When you introduce him to your family, they will poke his cheeks and call him cute and sweet, your cousins will like him, and the ladies are FAN of him, like how could they not be?? Then men are a bit skeptic, but they get over it mainly cause he’s nice and like a fairy roaming around..

kim taehyung - 김태형

▨ Okay first, let's get the obvious out of the way, he's just as crazy as a Desi family, he's gonna fit right in, perfect boy! He's already loved by family, more than you or anyone else cause look at his achievements and look at you, reading this! Of-course he's your family's favourite!

▨ He loves to go out in chowpattis to eat, sometimes when he doesn't want to eat rotis, he will idk, go find some random cow or dog and give it to them cause he saw some old lady do it...I used to do that to escape yelling from my parents, but yeah, it's what he does. But he loves your cooking, worry not!!

▨ If you call him a Korean nickname "Jagi", he will call you a Desi nickname "Jaanu", it's no-negotiable, you can't be saying anything, unless you want him to call you something, then he will.

▨ You and him will be watching Indian soap dramas, especially "bhabji ghar pe hai?!", it's his fav genre, comedy and idiocy, if you can put on some subtitles, do that. He would love to watch movies as well, he finds them amazing, kind of upset, he can't understand hindi because when you both watch comedy he sometimes doesn't understand and you have to explain it and it ruins the fun?

▨ He wants his hands done first for henna, because he loves it, and he is obsessed with it as well!! He also helps you around if your feet and hands both have mehendi/henna on it, he will help you around unless he is also occupied, one of the boys will, and if they are occupied, then who knows who will help?

▨ He looks SO GODDAMN HANDSOME IN A KURTA!! I once saw a edited photo of it, and he looked like a goddess!! You both can match in Kurta and lehenga or saree or something and you both can be attractive and steal attention at family event's.

▨ Oh, the parent's wishes on having grand-kids will increase twice-fold cause well he wants kids, your parents show him photos he shows his photos, they fan-girls and now they're constantly thinking what your child will look like..

▨ Loves to dance with you on Indian songs, loves Bollywood films and songs and dances with you and watches a lot of films with you when he gets the time! Sometimes Tannie is also dancing and watching with you, if you have a dog, good and even great if your dog and Yeontan got close, you're a cute family!!

▨ Loves to fire crackers on Diwali, honestly always waiting for the day to end so he can get started on playing crackers at night, one the forth day when he sees and learns the uses of cow dung, he is a teensy bit grossed out, but will stay open-minded, though will stay away from it like I used to, unless they ask him to help and he doesn't want to feel bad and the boys laugh until they also get roped in it then they all wash their hands like three to four times just in case cause in the end it is still poop, no matter how useful, but find it a bit fascinating how useful it actually is.

▨ Will loved by cousins and kids of the family and others in general due to how playful he is, when he gets the time, he will helping cooking and even wake up early and bath so he can help the grandparents in bathing gods, dress them up, put the cool sunglasses on them, etc. I used to do it as a child where I would wake up early to bath so I can help bath god's idol we have, you all have that??

▨ Language barrier, but you're the translator, they don't understand songs or anything, but they're happy for the fame he receives, you and him will definitely go famous for being sch a gorgeous couple, an Indian and a Korean!? DAMN! Anyways, you're all gorgeous, Indian or not!

▨ He is another one who is shocked about the insane amount of ARMYs in India, he never knew there were so many ARMYs in Asian countries other than Korea, Japan, China, etc. But he's happy and is also keen on performing for Indian ARMYs when he can!

▨ Loves to colour in rangolis, finds it a bit hard to stay within the lines, but always happy to colour, make a separate rangoli for him,he will happily colour in it when he can. Also, loves the amazing gifts he gets sometimes from your family members as a honorary future family-in-law member, so he also gets gifts for everyone.

Jeon Jungkook/Jeongguk - 전정국

☁ Now, another cutie who loves to go to chowpati. Anyways, it's easy convenient, etc. He enjoys Indian food a lot, it reminds me of the video where they first ate paneer. He has loved to try some dishes made from paneer after that, the sodas sold on streets, the food, maybe his stomach will handle it, maybe not! But, he is definitely happy with all the food

☁ He is also loved by your mama, he's so cute, so respectful and so caring. And he's good at everything and he helps her cook, plays with the little kids (if you have some) in your family, with the help of you being the translator, he sits and watches TV shows or helps fix things or simply sits like a pretty boy on the side.

☁ He will absolutely dance with you on Hindi songs when he can, maybe with Hoseok, the maknae line when he can. It's so fun, making them dance on the most random songs.

☁ He loves to spend time colouring in rangolis, it's fun, he is great it for some reason and after one or two lessons, he's also able to make rangolis, using the dot pattern though. Would love to help you make some if you want, always searching up ideas for you and him to do when he's bored.

☁ Sits with your grandparents with you as a translator to listen to stories from their childhood, he likes it and finds it fascinating and it makes him curious to see what types of stories people of other cultures grew up with, it's pretty fun for you and a good bonding time!

☁ Makes his angry face every time he something good and you get confused if he actually likes it or something for a moment, it's funny, cause it confuses everyone who doesn't know that the angry face means the food i good!

☁ Whenever there is a wedding in your family, he will be the one to help the dancers in the family teach others and you both will absolutely have a dance together, he will be pretty and will capture everyone’s attention and then he will award himself with a good amount of food from the wedding!!

☁ Loves to burst crackers on diwali, and eating the many types of sweets, he doesn't know one culture can have THIS many sweets, absolutely devours them and they finish pretty quickly, sometimes brings some Korean sweets for your family too! He loves some exchange of cultures!!

☁ Oh my god the sight of his tattooed forearms in the rolled sleeves of kurta, my god!! He looks so hot and he eats everyone up at the event! Slaying bitches and Saving bitches, truly, he's made for some hot Indian films!!

☁ Your parents might get him a ring or a pair of earrings of pure-gold and diamonds or maybe his birthstone instead of diamond after he's been welcomed in the family as your unofficial husband and he looks pretty in them, I can imagine.

☁ Called you "jigar ka tukda" once and laughed himself to half-death when you told him it meant or translated somewhat to "piece of your chest" or "piece of your liver", but he calls you "babu" or "jaanu", it's cringe, but he pulls it off as always, so?

☁ APPALLED AT HOW MANY ARMYS ARE IN INDIA and how come he's never met them or gotten into any contact with them, sorta upset, and will demand that there be a few affordable concerts in India, he's trying!!

☁ Would love to go around with you, loves pani-puri, the culture, and jewellery and overall such a loving cutie!! Whenever he visits, he brings gifts for some close family members and the kids, whatever they would like, just remember to tell him not to mention chicken or anything if you're veg.

© writing belongs to broken-mandolin0357, Aurelia, Moon, Cerine, Kiara. Reblogging is appreciated, but plagiarizing or copying my works is forbidden, thank you for ready and if you like this check out my blog!

[stillfrownyclownlol]

Lgbtqia+ hcs because I don't know if I'm gonna make it till June lmao (or, if I'm gonna live after it since I'm planning on wearing my flags In public 🤡)

Tw for csa mentions (because why don't I keep projecting huh)

Ashlyn Banner

-She/Her but in a "never thought about pronouns her entire life" kinda way. Doesn't mind they/them. She likes dressing masc/feeling masc, but doesn't really like being "perceived" as masc. Like...masc on her own time lmao. (I'm projecting so hard rn). "Gender neutral" kinda- like agender- but like in a "I don't care about my gender at all I just am more used to the gender they assigned me at birth"

-Demi rose 🌹 I'm also projecting here. Takes her a while to come into her feelings, but maybe that's the "never had friends ever" coming through.

Aiden Clark

-he/him but like he won't care if you use smth else for him lol. Cis gnc kinda guy eyyyyy (better in heels than ashlyn)

-unlabeled and that's how he likes it, nobody's business who he likes kissing lol. I feel like he's kissed a guy before just to try it. On the aro-allo spectrum ngl.

Ben Clark

-He/Him, is fine with They/Them. Honestly likes getting called She/Her too but she's been pretty shy about mentioning it :") Taylor likes doing her makeup if they're having a "femme-day". Settled on genderfluid/genderflux after a while.

-Greyromantic Caedsexual (Ace). Shane was part of a group of slightly older kids, and when he was getting bullied Shane and some other kids sexually assaulted him multiple times...technically was a queer assault since Ben was seen as a sissy because his personality and hobbies were "feminine", and this was to goad him into having a physical reaction :/

Taylor Hernández

(Ngl I'm so annoyed there's not more colors but whatever)

-She/Her and They/Them, identified as cis for a long time since it was what they knew, but once she learned more about it she experimented with her gender a lot more, they identified as non-binary for a while before moving to paragirl.

-Pan to aro/ace pipeline because I'm projecting :) she didn't really handle it well at the beginning, but Ben, Ash and Aiden are all also a-spec so she had a lot of support ^_^ They felt "invalid" because of the csa they went through when they were younger and they thought it was more like a trauma response than their actual sexuality. After talking with Ben about it tho she understood that even if they were related that didn't make her any less valid.

Tyler Hernández

-He/Him cis guy I'm sorry/lh

-was kinda annoying about queer people because actually being raised as a Catholic Mexican boy makes you kinda weird (IM SORRY THIS IS JUST FROM PERSONAL EXPERIENCE) BUT he gets better I promise

-Bisexual boyfailure and took him crushing on Logan to accept it 🤡

Logan Fields

-He/Him and a bit of a stickler about it because he gets misgendered rather frequently (less as he got older but still), doesn't mind getting called gendered terms tho (Taylor calls him "sis", and he calls himself an "Astrology girl")

-intersex, found out when he was 15ish since his puberty had been delayed, and he's really insecure about it...🙃 he was assigned male at birth so he wouldn't say he's trans, but his experiences overlap a fair bit. Takes testorone and medication because he has low electrolytes. I could write a whole essay here but I have to go soon 😭

-Gay :> He realized pretty quickly but he's intensely scared of people finding out, has only told his grandparents. They took it very well ^_^ His grandpa has some gay friends so sometimes Logan goes to the senior center to talk with them about stuff :)

[candewlsy]

MOOT GAME !!!!!!!!! haha which idol would u ship ur moots with ??

Mooties game lesgaur!!

❛ @wondipity ༉‧₊˚✧

[Jungwon - Enhypen] During our conversation, Bell and I mainly talked about Jungwon. In my opinion, they would make the most perfect and adorable couple. I can vividly imagine them spending their time laughing, being affectionate and enjoying each other's company all day, every day. Their chemistry is so undeniable and their connection is so strong that it seems impossible for anyone or anything to come between them.

❛ @enmayz-deactivated20240331 ༉‧₊˚✧

[ Jake - Enhypen ] I know she deactivated her account but that won't stop me from adding her to my moot game 😿 ( I miss her) Okay! So, Lily and Jake would be the hottest and coolest couple 😍 Jake is hot same goes for Lily. Lily's not fond of men unless it's her man Jake 🤭 ahem, not gonna talk about the cowboy edit we talked ‼️ I want to be THEIR baby please adopt me.

❛ @chlorinecake ༉‧₊˚✧

Chloe is an absolutely endearing young girl, with a smile that can light up anyone's da (FIGHT ME THIS IS REAL) Riki, on the other hand, is a playful and charming guy, who loves to tease and have fun with his friends. It's easy to imagine that Riki would often pull Chloe's leg, but she wouldn't mind it one bit. In fact, she might even go ahead and dress him up in cute outfits, just to see him blush and pout. Despite Riki's apparent dislike for cute things, it's hard to deny that he secretly enjoys them when it comes to Chloe. The way he looks at her, with a mix of tenderness and mischief, makes it clear that he can't resist her charms. And while they may appear as just good friends in public, it's evident that their relationship goes deeper than that. Behind closed doors, they're passionate lovers, who share a bond that's both electric and intimate 😼

❛ @fakeuwus ༉‧₊˚✧

[Jay - Enhypen] Whenever Jay is mentioned, Nichi will appear. Where there is Jay, there is Nichi. I think Nichi and Jay would be the softest and calmest couple, always following each other around. I can see them staring at each other's eyes under the Moon, spending their time under the blanket cuddling like there's no tomorrow. In their own little world, isn't that cute 😭

❛ @heeslut4life ༉‧₊˚✧

[Heeseung - Enhypen] her username. Yeah, it's obvious. Aeri is a princess and of course, she's attractive and pretty (idk whatchu say about her, she's a princess) Heeseung is attractive and hot. The hottest and most attractive couple ever! I see them tease each other and giggle while kissing 👀 heeseung would probably tease the hell out of her and Aeri being cute and shy whenever he teases her. Other than that, they're also mature. THEY LITERALLY MEANT FOR EACH OTHER BRO DON'T SAY OTHERWISE.

❛ @minhosimthings ༉‧₊˚✧

[Beomgyu - Tomorrow x Together] "Mona's free-spirited nature is perfectly complemented by Beomgyu's lively personality, making them a perfect match. I can easily imagine them causing some harmless chaos, like bursting into fits of uncontrollable laughter in a library and getting kicked out, unintentionally scaring a child with their playful antics, or even sneaking away with candy from unsuspecting kids.

❛ @dear-hoon ༉‧₊˚✧

[Sunghoon - Enhypen] I perceive Lucky as someone who enjoys creating mischief and stirring up trouble. It is widely known that Sunghoon has an outgoing personality, despite being an introvert, and he often engages in impulsive and unpredictable behavior, especially when it comes to getting a rise out of Jay. I envision Lucky and Sunghoon teaming up to provoke Jay and Xyn.

❛ @moon7jay ༉‧₊˚✧

[Jay - Enhypen] Xyn radiates an elegant and expensive vibe, making her and Jay the perfect fashion icon couple. They look great together, often matching their outfits and taking photos of each other to post on social media. I can see them becoming one of those aesthetic and wealthy couples. (Literally adopt me mommy-)

❛ @wonlvkay ༉‧₊˚✧

[Jake - Enhypen] Kayla is such a sweet and charming girl, the perfect match for Jakey 🤭 they'll be the greenest flag couple ever

[reidslovely]

heyy! can you give us more about frat!peter?

totally!! I'm not sure what you wanna know though specifically so here's some word vomit i sent to my moot stella weeks ago. you guys should totally feel free to talk to me about any frat!peter headcanons and questions you have him and reader/bashful are my world rn and I could answer any question you have about him/her/them. but right here is a run down of only frat!pete and how I perceive him

Frat!Peter has the biggest ego but he's totally not a jerk..at least not once you get to know him. He's an engineering and biochem double major but he's taken journalism/photography electives and that’s where he and his gf met. He's automatically flirting with her and it's like dude come on..really?? Cause everyone knows about Peter Parker. He could have any girl he wants but he's never publicly dated anyone?? Weird. Maybe he's too good. Which makes her skeptical, so it’s like leave me alone totally not interested but he very quickly wins her over. The jerk side a total front and she is quick to discredit that rumor and let everyone know what a big soft teddy bear nerd he really is. (however it is not a front when it comes to his girl though stay twenty five feet away from her)

He definitely rushed with his friend as a joke and didn’t actually think he’s get in but turns out he’s a legacy (his dad and uncle ben both were members) and the guys think he’s a great pick and i mean it doesn’t hurt that the girls like him so come on how could they not let this dude in?? He does let it go to his head a little because it’s basically gonna pay for his college. How could he not get a little cocky and slacky. Besides for once in his life people like him and not just because he’ll get them a good grade on a project. However he does start to come down from this and gets his head out of his ass.

Yes he does still have his powers and is managing spider man, college, and his frat responsibilities. Which is why he had to step down from secretary to social chair sophomore/junior year. He totally showed up in the frat in his costume several times and his brothers chose to never mention it, it’s a secret that dies with them. Besides, their best friend is spider man?? How fucking cool.

His girlfriend does find out four months into the relationship when he shows up to their date dressed in the top of the costume and his button up not covering it at all and it finally explains so so sos os SO much.

Like stated previously he was elected secretary his sophomore year (first to happen) and had to step down to social chair later which he enjoyed much better cause their stuff was pretty much laid out in a rule book for them.

YES he does have a little (a freshman you mentor not the other kind of little) in my mind I aged Miles up a little bit to be his little freshie which ends up being super convenient when Miles ends up getting bit and they split spider man and other duties within the frat. But if not Miles I like to think he takes on carbon copy of himself when he first joined: angry, skeptical, and kind of shy and scared to reach out in fear of rejection and he teaches him that all these emotions are okay and valid but there are alot of good people in this community.

Speed run: he played on the lacrosse team very briefly until spider man got him thrown off- he rejoined later after Miles came into the picture, however he and the other guys are known for playing basketball on their front lawn and all the girls like to stop and watch (which drives his gf crazy and she has to make out with him to reclaim what’s hers and he eats that the fuck up.) As social chair he is obligated to work homecoming, and even though it’s not allowed since his gf is not in greek life he def asks her for help/ideas (his brothers know but they like him and his gf to much to care).

And yes he’s shocked that he's on the honor roll because how can he balance all this stuff and still come out? Maybe he is a genius, and slowly burning out.

That's all I got right now, please ask me more lore about frat!peter and or him and bashful/reader thank you that was my press conference

[ria-777]

There is not enough letters in the alphabet for me to tell you how much I love you

C - Cute

Keith has no idea why the realization even surprised him in the first place. But now, as he looked at her eating some sort of space watermelon on a beach situated on Étoilistia, wearing a two-piece swimsuit, he wondered how this wasn't his initial thought concerning the girl.

Pidge was adorable, pretty, gorgeous, mesmerizing. Whatever you want to call her kind of beauty.

Hell! He was sure even Lance would be able to agree with him. Maybe she wasn't as hot as the girls the blue paladin crushed on, she still had a lot going on.

Maybe it was her big eyes, or the way she carried herself, or how she stared at things that interested and fascinated her.

Maybe it was the way she would pout when something wasn't going how she wanted or the smile on her face when she had the last word.

As usual.

Maybe it was her cheeks, freckles adoring them that he now realized seemed to have gotten even more visible ever since they landed on this sunny planet.

Often, Keith thought he was the only one to notice the green paladin's adorableness. They were all too busy being blown away by her intelligence, like he was when they first met. He was proven wrong today, to his displeasure.

Upon seeing the sunlit beach when they arrived, Lance and Hunk had begged Allura to let them spend at least a complete quintant enjoying it. In need of a relaxed day off duty as much as the teenagers, the princess easily accepted.

Originally, Keith was enthusiastic about it too, but after witnessing more than one étoilistians fail at trying to flirt with Pidge, he just wanted to leave this place, as beautiful as it is.

Couldn't they realize she was very obviously uncomfortable with their wandering eyes!? Like seriously, who could think that someone as smart as Pdige would fall for cheesy and honestly bad pick lines. He heard a few that were so horrible that even Lance wouldn't be able to come up with. Some people truly had no manners.

The red paladin had managed to scare a few of them by standing protectively by Pidge's side, glaring at anyone who observed her the wrong way.

Maybe he was acting a bit jealous, or perhaps possessive, but did they really need to see more of her skin exposed to find her somewhat attractive? Creeps.

Thankfully, she hadn't told him off. Yet.

Keith hoped deep down that she'd let him protect her. She was already aware he thought of her as a strong person, which didn't mean he never felt the urge to keep her safe from perverts in a mostly unknown environment.

By the end of the day, everyone in team Voltron had complimented Pidge, all except one.

*******

It wasn't bugging her at all. That's what the girl kept repeating in her brain, over and over again.

Why should she care?

Upon stepping out of Allura's bathroom, the princess exclaimed how pretty she looked. Once they met up outside the castle with the rest of the team, the older girl hadn't wasted a tick before showing off her excellent choice in picking an outfit for the genius of the group. Dramatically explaining how she knew this was going to be the one from the start, ignoring the many failed tries before Pidge found one she liked and felt comfortable wearing.

They all said she looked beautiful. Except Keith, who only stared at her silently. Was he judging how she was dressed? The green paladin was aware that at some point in their life, people began wanting approval from others, regarding how they were perceived by their entourage. She just never thought she would be one of them. Was he disagreeing with the others in his brain? Once more, Pidge cursed his poked face.

So no, she wasn't disappointed in the slightest. It didn't bother her at all- Yeah, this strategy wasn't working. Who could have guessed telling herself she didn't mind would fail? If her twelve-year-old self saw how much she cared about some boy's opinion on how she looked, Pidge is sure she would get kicked in the knees. Hell, even the version of her when this whole adventure started would be disappointed. This wasn't what she was in space for.

"But it's Keith, not just any boy." That's what her brain kept repeating . Maybe he was planning on saying something later, when they were alone? She could only wish he would.

No matter how much Pidge tried ignoring how fast her heart was beating during the entire day.

Hope rose in her when he spent vargas staying by her side, driving away anyone who disturbed her. She prayed he did that in an "I like you and I don't want other people to eye you up and down way" and not "I care for you like an older brother would way."

Yep, she officially sounded insane.

Katie "Pidge" Holt was losing it because she had a stupid crush on her teammate and not because of how emotionally and physically battling against the Galra while simultaneously searching for her father and Matt was.

Currently, they were both seated a few metres away from their friends, appreciating the scenery by watching the impressive sunset.

She could feel his eyes on her. Should she ask him what was troubling him? What if it pissed him off? Would that be too intrusive? But what if it concerned her? What if he said the swimsuit didn't fit her? What if-

"Pidge." She turned her head to the side to be able to stare at him in the eyes, humming in response.

God, why did he have to observe her so intensely, her heart was about to tear itself out of her skin.

"You look cute today, but so do you most of the time."

Oh, she'd never recover from that one anytime soon, that was for sure.

If only she knew he wouldn't either, after seeing how her face flushed a pretty shade of red. Saying those few words had taken all the courage Keith had in store for the day.

"Thanks, uhm... so do you?"

If his face wasn't rosy before, it was now for certain, possibly even more than hers. But she was smiling and so was her.

Maybe he might actually have a chance after all.

*******

Note: For the name of the planet, I wanted something to go with space so I went with the word étoile which means star in french!

(Posted on ao3 and Wattpad)

[morporkian-cryptid]

On gender, confusion, and labels

I want to talk about my experience of gender, because it’s been a long and complicated journey and I’m finally at a point where I’m not having an identity crisis every six months. I haven’t seen many people with a similar experience in my years on the Trans Website and I kinda wish I had people tell me this earlier. This is not meant to be catch-all advice for all gender-confused folks, just my own story; if others can resonate with it and feel a little less lost, then I’ll be happy.

(This is gonna be pretty long, be warned)

I experience little to no dysphoria, and that’s probably why it’s taken me so long to accept that I’m not cis. What tipped me off to the whole Gender Situation was mostly the euphoria of being perceived as a masculine woman, or mistaken for a guy.

I came out as genderfluid years ago, to about two persons. Six months and a lot of thinking later, I went back on it because it turned out it was just a phase.

Well, not a phase, more like a cycle. After that, I kept deeply questioning my gender every six to twelve months. Most of the time I’d feel like a woman (albeit without any clear idea of what “being a woman” actually meant), and every now and then I’d get clear flashes of “I’m something else” feelig and start to question my entire identity for a couple months; then go back to “nah actually I’m cis”. Rinse and repeat.

I kept cutting my hair increasingly short, event went as far as a buzzcut. I rarely wear makeup. I like when people mistake me for a boy or are confused about my gender.

Every year or so, I found myself looking at binders. Every year I flaked out. At some point I bought compression bras but barely wore them because they were uncomfortable. I like my chest in and of itself, but sometimes I don’t like the way it looks with dresses or frilly tops – I like my chest but I don’t want it to be perceived. (I did buy a binder eventually, for the few days when I want my chest gone. I don’t wear it a lot, but I’m happy to have the choice.)

For a while I played with using different pronouns; I asked my friends to call me he or they for a few days, or I’d introduce myself with those pronouns in talking groups. But most of the time I went back to “she” like an old comforting jumper.

I even changed my name for about six months, then went back to my birth name. That was a very difficult time. I didn’t want to change my name. I like my birth name a lot. What happened was, Elliott Page came out, and I heard the name Elliott and my brain kinda went, “huh I like that name, it fits, I kinda like being a girl named Elliott”; and then it was like an itch that wouldn’t go away unless I scratched it. The weight of that decision scared me. It wasn’t like pronouns or a haircut: a name is what I present myself to the world with, and I was terrified of changing such a big thing about me.

My friends were very supportive, and switched without problem. I was lucky enough to move abroad for a six-month exchange program right when that identity crisis happened, so I got the very rare occasion to introduce myself as Elliott to people who didn’t know me at all, and whom I wouldn’t see anymore after six months. My flatmates were great and called me Elliott without question.

Six months later, the name stopped fitting. I don’t know how to describe it, but it just didn’t feel like me anymore, so I went back to my birth name, and all my friends were chill with that. (I still use Elliott as a pseudonym online.)

The reason the early years of questioning my gender were really complicated, is because for a lot of my life I’ve been really into labels. I wanted to understand things and put them in neat little boxes; and my identity was no different. If I’m not a woman then I must be trans. But I feel like a woman 75% of the time. Can I call myself trans if I identify with my AGAB most of the time? Do I actually identify as a woman, though? Or am I okay with being perceived as one? What does “feeling like a woman” even mean? Technically, by definition I must be genderfluid, which means I’m trans, but that’s a word that doesn’t feel like it applies to me. I can’t be part-time trans. But I’m not exactly cis either. Then what the fuck am I??

I wanted a word to put on my identity, because if I didn’t have one then I didn’t know what I was, and that was really difficult to live with.

It took me years to shed that need for a label, and to get to the point I am at today. Today I see my gender as feelings rather than identity. My gender is too big and complicated to neatly fit into a word, or even ten. My gender is the way I dress, the way I talk, the emotions when I am called miss or sir, the feeling when I look at myself in the mirror after a fresh haircut. It’s a hundred interconnected tidbits that all shift day to day.

The best way I’ve found to describe my experience of gender, is this:

I am not a woman

I am fine with being perceived as a woman

I do not want to be perceived as feminine

These are the three things I’m certain of right now (and they might change later! And that’s okay!), and my day-to-day gender presentation hinges around them. I no longer try to look inside myself and ask “What is my Gender?”, because I’ve never found a straight (ha!) answer, and that’s only ever brought me anguish. What I do now, is look in the mirror and ask myself “Do I like this outfit?”, look at a sentence I wrote and ask myself “Do I like these pronouns?”. I’ve kind of applied the Marie Kondo method to my gender: does this spark joy? Then I’m doing it. In this text I’m sending to my friend, does calling myself “handsome” spark joy? Then I’m calling myself “handsome”. Does wearing a binder under this dress spark joy? Then binder it is. If I want to try out a new name, I can tell my friends and they’ll try it out with me, and if it turns out I don’t like it, I can always ask them to go back to the old one. The gender feelings I’m feeling right now are as real as the ones I felt yesterday or the ones I’ll feel tomorrow, they’re as important and I am allowed to indulge in them.

With labels, I do sort of the same thing, although I’m not quite there yet. The best word I’ve found to describe myself is genderqueer, because it’s vague enough to not imprison me inside a box. Sometimes I’ll say I’m non-binary if that’s relevant to the context of the discussion. I still don’t actively describe myself as trans, because the vastness of that word and the experiences it comes with is still a bit scary for me – but I don’t forbid myself anymore from taking part in things labelled as “trans”, like talking groups, pride events, Tumblr posts and Discord servers. Even if I don’t identify with the word, I identify with many of the experiences, and I do technically fall under the definition of transgender. I’m allowed to be part of that community, even if I kinda just lurk around the doorstep. Maybe one day I’ll be comfortable enough to actually come in, and proudly call myself transgender.

I have been sort of toying with the idea of maybe one day going on T. If I had had that idea a few years earlier, I would have freaked out and had another identity crisis over it, like I did with the name change. As things are right now, I’m just sort of considering the idea and giving myself time to think about it, do research, try alternative ways to change my body first. There’s no rush at all. I know now that my perception of my own gender varies over time, and that I can take years to get comfortable with aspects of my identity or presentation. I can take my time; I can go on T in a few years when I’m certain, or I can decide I don’t want that. I don’t have to make a big decision now.

Seeing transition this way is incredibly freeing.

I’m very lucky to experience minimal gender dysphoria, but because of that, I conflated “being okay with people perceiving me as a woman” with “actually being a woman”. I mostly use she/her and my feminine birth name, not because they describe my gender (they very much don’t), but because they’re comfortable. It’s like I’m goth but I don’t find goth clothes comfortable, and displaying my identity as goth isn’t worth the discomfort of wearing itchy clothes. So I prefer to wear this old sweater that’s super comfy even if it doesn’t reflect my tastes, and stick a couple of skull pins on it so other goths know I’m actually one of them. Just because the sweater isn’t goth doesn’t mean I’m not goth inside. Just because I go by she/her and a feminine name doesn’t mean I’m not non-binary inside. Explaining my actual gender to the people around me isn’t worth the hassle, misunderstanding and possible debates about my identity; the people who understand know, and the others don’t, whatever.

(TL;DR) So, yeah. This is a lot of text to really just say, if finding a word for your gender hurts, don’t try to find a word. Focus on the experiences, do what makes you happy, gender-wise. Labels can be helpful, but if they’re not, you are not obligated to use one. Gender is incredibly complex and cannot be easily summarized by words. At the end of the day, what’s important is your feelings, and trying to make them good feelings.

[odettecarotte]

Louise Glück, NYT

Louise Glück, photo by Charles S. Hertz

b. 1943

The Nobel-winning poet was pitiless to herself, yet fiercely generous toward her students.

By Amy X. Wang The New York Times

She stood barely five feet tall — slight, unassuming, you had to stoop low to kiss her cheek — but whenever Louise Glück stepped into a classroom, she shot a current through it. Students stiffened their spines, though what they feared was not wrath but her searing rigor: Even in her late 70s, after she won the Pulitzer and the National Humanities Medal and the Nobel, she always spoke to young writers with complete seriousness, as if they were her equals. “My first poem, she ripped apart,” says Sun Paik, who took Glück’s poetry class as a Stanford undergraduate. “She’s the first person whom I ever received such a brutal critique from.” Mark Doty, a National Book Award-winning poet who studied under Glück in the 1970s at Goddard College, felt that she “represented total authenticity and complete honesty.” This, he recalls, “pretty much scared me half to death.”

Spare, merciless, laser-precise: Glück’s signature style as a writer. It was there from an early age. Born in 1943 to a New York family of tactile pragmatists (her father helped invent the X-Acto knife), Glück, a preternaturally self-competitive child, was constantly trying to whittle away at her own perceived shortcomings. When she was a teenager, she developed anorexia — that pulverizing, paradoxical battle with both helplessness and self-control — and dropped to 75 pounds at 16. The disorder prevented her from completing a college degree. Many of the poems Glück wrote in her early 20s flog her own obsessions with, and failures in, control and exactitude. Her narrators are habitués of a kind of limitless wanting; her language, a study in ruthless austerity. (A piano-wire-taut line tucked in her 1968 debut, “Firstborn”: “Today my meatman turns his trained knife/On veal, your favorite. I pay with my life.”) In her late 20s, Glück grew frustrated with writing and was prepared to renounce it entirely.

So she took, in 1971, a teaching job at Goddard College. To her astonishment, being a teacher unwrapped the world — it bloomed anew with possibility. “The minute I started teaching — the minute I had obligations in the world — I started to write again,” Glück would confess in a 2014 interview. Working with young minds quickly became a sort of nourishment. “She was profoundly interested in people,” says Anita Sokolsky, a friend and colleague from Williams College, where Glück began teaching in 1984. “She had a vivid and unstinting interest in others’ lives that teaching helped focus for her. Teaching was very generative to her writing, but it was also a kind of counter to the intensity and isolation of her writing.”

Glück’s own poems became funnier and more colloquial, marrying the control she earlier perfected with a new, unexpected levity (in her 1996 poem “Parable of the Hostages”: “What if war/is just a male version of dressing up”), and it is her later books, like the lauded “The Wild Iris” from 1992, that made her a landmark literary figure. Teaching also coaxed out a new facet in Glück herself: that of a devoutly unselfish mentor, a tutor of unbridled kindness.

A less fastidious writer and thinker may have made their teaching duties rote — proffering uniformly encouraging feedback or reheating a syllabus year after year. Glück, though, threw herself into guiding pupils with the same care and intimacy she gave to her own verses. “There was just this voraciousness, this generosity,” says Sally Ball, who met Glück while studying with her at Williams and remained close with her for the three decades until her death. “Every time I moved, she put me in touch with people in that new place. She enjoyed bringing people to know each other and sharing the things she loved.” And as a teacher, Ball says, “Louise was really clear that you have to make yourself change. You can’t just keep doing the same things over and over again.” In that spirit of boundless self-advancement, Glück also taught herself to love cooking and eating. She once hand-annotated a Marcella Hazan recipe and mailed it to Ball, with sprawling commentary on how best to prepare rosemary. “She’s very beautiful and elegant, right,” Ball says, but “we’d go to Chez Panisse and sit down and she eats with gusto. It’s messy, she’s mopping her hands around on the plate.”

Paik recalls spending hours each week decoding Glück’s dense, cursive comments on her work. “I was 19 or 20,” she says, “writing these scrappy, honestly pretty bad poems, and to have them be received with such care and detail — it pushed me to become a better writer because it set a standard of respect.”

“She was 78, and whenever she talked about poetry, it felt like the first time she’d encountered poetry,” says Shangyang Fang, who met Glück when he was at Stanford on a writing fellowship. Glück offered to edit his first poetry collection, and the pair became close friends. “She would talk about a single word in my poem for 10 minutes with me,” Fang says. Evenings would go late. They cooked for each other sometimes, spending hours talking vegetables and spices, poetry and idle gossip. “By the end, I couldn’t thank her enough, and she said: ‘Stop thanking me! I am a predator, feeding on your brain!’”

[mizzmellos]

M2 sex hc because this blog has turned into a horny dumpster fire:

+ Mello definitely has strategically-placed mirrors all around their bedroom bc he's narcissitic and nasty. Maybe less so post-explosion but still at least one on his good side. He definitely spends the first half just putting on a show/making sure his back is perfectly arched etc but by the time Matt's beet red moaning and drooling on his neck he actually gets into it/is paying more attention to how cute and desperate Matt looks than his own reflection. 😇 (it still circles back around to narcissism though because he's into how into him Matt is <- does this make sense?)

+ So we all know this already since he came in second place on the head poll (even Mello himself would happily concede to L on that) but Mello can definitely make the dick disappear balls and all like he prides himself on having no gag reflex. As @/overkeehl said he can deliver both sloppy and serious style depending on his mood. (<- not tagging in this because I'm ashamed and need to be put down like a sick dog) He kind of likes sucking dick because he knows he's good at it but at the same time he's selfish and gets tired of it pretty quick. <- it's reserved for special occasions and rewards for when Matt's been good 🤧 btw do NOT cum in his hair or on his face (again except for special occasions) because you will MESS UP HIS MAKEUP 🗣 but he's only a 50/50 swallower because half the time he likes to spit it on Matt 🤐 I read a fic with a throwaway line about how when Mello's really horny he tells Matt to finish on him in the nastiest way imaginable like a creative challenge with increasing stakes. <- not even sure what this would imply but it stuck w me.

+ Also as we've been discussing Mello likes weird/nasty positions and places and while Matt doesn't really want to be perceived, he's down so bad he does it for him. He esp likes it from behind so Matt can pull on his hair/scratch his back/smack his ass (<- some of the few 'aggressive' things Mello can actually get him to do. Mello thinks these are just vanilla average sex things). Matt likes cowgirl (obviously) but it's cause he wants to see Mello's face 🥺 <- Mello won't let Matt fuck him missionary cuz he's like "stop kissing me so much jfc I can't breathe 😑" (it's not like they've never done it romantic style but it's definitely infrequent). Mello likes making out but only as foreplay like when it's on it's on, Matt can spit in his mouth and bite his earlobes but that's about it.

+ Matt is a little pornbrained in that he has huge "secret" stashes (both physical and digital) of all kinds of cringe porn <- again as I've said the stuff Mello is into makes this look average by comparison but. He definitely wants Mello to dress up in a maid outfit with cat ears and shit. But I don't think there's a universe in which this would happen. Okay maybe the post-kira au where Matt got shot soooo many times Mello feels so bad he dresses up like a sexy nurse ONCE. But certainly not a maid. (<- he has a real needle and scalpel though and then Matt's way less into it. Actually that's not true he's way more scared but still equally into it.)

+ this one is just because I'm a lesbian who thinks the concept of a penile fracture is so so so funny but Mello definitely broke Matt's dick once 😭

[vickyvicarious]

"While I was overcome by these feelings, I left the spot where I had committed the murder, and was seeking a more secluded hiding-place, when I perceived a woman passing near me. She was young, not indeed so beautiful as her whose portrait I held, but of an agreeable aspect, and blooming in the loveliness of youth and health. Here, I thought, is one of those whose smiles are bestowed on all but me; she shall not escape: thanks to the lessons of Felix, and the sanguinary laws of man, I have learned how to work mischief. I approached her unperceived, and placed the portrait securely in one of the folds of her dress.

1818

"While I was overcome by these feelings, I left the spot where I had committed the murder, and seeking a more secluded hiding-place, I entered a barn which had appeared to me to be empty. A woman was sleeping on some straw; she was young: not indeed so beautiful as her whose portrait I held; but of an agreeable aspect, and blooming in the loveliness of youth and health. Here, I thought, is one of those whose joy-imparting smiles are bestowed on all but me. And then I bent over her, and whispered, 'Awake, fairest, thy lover is near—he who would give his life but to obtain one look of affection from thine eyes: my beloved, awake!'

The sleeper stirred; a thrill of terror ran through me. Should she indeed awake, and see me, and curse me, and denounce the murderer? Thus would she assuredly act, if her darkened eyes opened and beheld me. The thought was madness; it stirred the fiend within me—not I, but she shall suffer: the murder I have committed because I am for ever robbed of all that she could give me, she shall atone. The crime had its source in her: be hers the punishment! Thanks to the lessons of Felix, and the sanguinary laws of man, I had learned now to work mischief. I bent over her, and placed the portrait securely in one of the folds of her dress. She moved again, and I fled.

1831

This is the greatest divergence in the Creature's tale, and a really interesting one. In the original version, he immediately gets angry at Justine for being a beautiful woman. The idea that she would never smile at him doesn't seem to be about her specifically as much; more that the Creature knows no one would ever love him or even look kindly upon him. Sure, she reminds him of Mrs. Frankenstein and by extension Safie, but only inasmuch as she is a pretty woman who would fear him like the rest. He doesn't dwell much on any particular desires beyond a smile, and like I said before, he goes straight to getting angry and taking out said anger by forcing her to pay for his crime. It's the product of a single moment of rage, lashing out at the first person he sees who probably would hate and fear him also.

The 1831 version is in some sense more believable, in that it seems a little odd Creature would be able to sneak up on and plant the portrait in Justine's pocket as she ways by him, without her noticing. It also ties in with her story about staying in the barn. On the other hand, it also reads as a lot creepier. Creature approaches Justine in her sleep, pretends to be her lover, says he'd gladly die for her to smile at him... With very little build-up, it reads more as either play-acting something he's read in a book (though I don't know of such scenes in the books he mentions learning from, I haven't read them myself) or heard in a romantic story told by the De Laceys, perhaps. It also could suggest some level of transference of possible feelings of romantic/sexual desire for Safie, which could be read into earlier chapters. This is added to by the "darkened eyes" line - both Mrs. Frankenstein's portrait and Safie herself were described as having "dark eyes" in his narrative. Regardless, the scene feels a lot more intrusive and sexual in a distinctly uncomfortable way.

And that's even before he decides to frame her for the murder. Creature gets scared that she'll wake up (like he's been asking her to) and inevitably reject him. Due to the nature of this more prolonged encounter, his reaction feels more intense as well. This isn't in the immediate aftermath of having murdered a child he had hoped could come to love him before being rejected even by a young and innocent person (also having discovered the link to his creator and decided that William wasn't so innocent after all) - instead, this is after looming over Justine's sleeping form for who knows how many minutes, staring at her and speaking to her like a lover. And not only does it feel more intense just from the situation, but Creature's words are more inflammatory. He explicitly blames Justine herself for being the reason he killed William, and thus she is the one who deserves the punishment. Not only is this blatantly ridiculous reasoning (he never even saw Justine until after he'd killed the boy, and she's had no chance to reject him since she doesn't even know he is there), it also is a very dangerous uniting of various different people and concepts into one body, which he then blames. He is taking all his disappointment and anger from his encounters with Safie, Felix, the man on the road, William, the thought of his creator... everyone who has ever rejected him, and he's putting it all on the innocent Justine. He's externalizing his own actions as not his fault, and instead blaming a total stranger. And of course, given the previously discussed more sexual overtones of this scene, it all reads as very unsettling indeed.

It definitely makes him less likable and sympathetic as a character to me. But it also could be seen as adding more foreshadowing/buildup to his demand for a female companion of his own. As well as giving us a look at a possible outcome if said fellow creature were to reject his affections as well. This blueprint suggests the Creature would blame her and Frankenstein for all that follows... and what would follow would be him lashing out violently against both them and probably others. (He isn't physically violent with Justine here, but there's a feeling of violence nonetheless, and certainly he knows what the consequences will be for her: judicial violence).

[deldeldel90]

 Warning! This fic includes topics like mental instability and obsession, along with unhealthy behaviors!! Not a happy fic!! And its really uncanon, too, precede if you wanna read that!!

"Sometimes," your mother tells you, kneeling down to your level, "even if you love a person, it just doesn't work out. And you have to let them go." 

 That means you didn't love them enough, you want to say. The words are on the tip of your tongue, burning to get out. 

 But, you see the look in her eyes. Desperate and scared and uncertain. You see yourself reflected in them. 

 "Okay," you say, in a small, small voice. You're nine then and you begin alternate between your dad and your mom, except your dad doesn't feel like your dad anymore (too far away to touch, too close to be able to forget him— he's there, you know, and you've never felt unloved by him but its different now, because sometimes, you think he sees your mom when you looks at you) and your mom works too much to be there. 

 Your parents aren't bad. They're trying, honestly. Your dad doesn't say a bad word against your mom, he takes you for icecream when you've got mediocre grades and he enables you to slack off on chores when you're with him. Your mom doesn't check (doesn't care) if you've skipped school, or if you've got six missing assignments, and she doesn't know that you really wanna talk to her but doesn't know how, but she does fuss over you when you're sick. 

 That's how you grow up. Loved, you supposed, but not really liked. Maybe you didn't deserve to be, you were never anything special. You were average at best, that was how you were perceived. Never too good at the arts, especially not good at singing (not that you ever wanted to be). In the classroom, you kept your head down and strove to never be seen. 

 It's not a bad life. Not an unhappy one. You go to school in order so you can go home, you alternates between Mom (weekdays) and Dad (weekends). 

 It's just… kinda sucky. Bland suck, boring suck. You'll deal. 

 You don't want friends — realistically, you know you're probably not interesting enough to maintain them long term — but you crave kinship. You crave and crave, like a starved beast, for friendship, somebody that'll understand, somebody that'll feed you what you need. 

 And, on the day of your fifteenth birthday, you find him.

 Like always, you're in your fifth period and you were teamed with some girl whose name you never noted. All you know is she's popular and liked and doesn't talk to you, because you're weird. This is fine with you, because you don't wanna talk to somebody like her. 

 She's not really paying attention and you can barely stop yourself from tapping your foot against the wooden floor in annoyance. Even if you never cared for your grades, you can't stand when others slack. On your time. 

 We have to write this, you nearly tell her. You hold your tongue. 

 In grassy greens and baby pinks, wearing a floaty, pretty dress that's probably hard to run in during Gym, she's intimidating. Scary. 

 You don't want her eyes on you. You don't want to be looked at, ever. Not by her. Not by anybody like her, anybody better than you. Because that's what she is — you're wearing baggy pants and the same shirt from Friday because your mom didn't do the laundry and everything else was too dirty now. 

 You thought your bracelet looked pretty this morning. You don't anymore, because she's wearing a gold necklace, one that compliments her blonde hair, that her dad probably bought her because her dad likes her enough to remember those kinds of things. 

 You feel a loathing begin to grow, like a bacteria stewing, like a disease that eats and eats and eats and eats until there's nothing left. 

 Don't look at me. Don't look. 

 Still, you manage to catch her attention. 

 "What?" She fiddles with her pencil, stopping every now and again to draw love-hearts on the magazine. Her eyelids half-lidded, a lazy smile on her face. She's wearing bright lipstick. You kinda hate her for it. "Oh, you wanna see?"

 No, you think. You almost say. 

 But you wanna talk to her. You wanna talk to her so, so bad. You wanna see what it's like to be with her. You hate her, honestly. She crowds the desk beside you and talks too loud and thinks she's so funny and so smart because she is and you can't stand it.

 You want her to like you. 

 You don't want her to hate you. 

 "Sure," you try not to stutter. You don't, but the single word you said sounds forced and awkward and too fast. 

 She turns the magazine around, explaining the princes of the Plaid kingdom and why they're totally important to her everyday life. 

 You see him — a passing glance, a flip of a magazine as your classmate comments on what hotties the Plaid brothers are — and you see he gets it. 

 "Strength is what is needed to preserve," the prince, Blaine, told Plaid Weekly. Pictures of his hips, of his shirtless body, of pants that show a little too much, are next to the quote. "It's not about what happened, it's about how you deal with it. And I think that's what makes you stronger." 

 In the back of your mind, you know it sounds basic. You know he's probably reading off a script, that he doesn't actually mean what he says. He's pretending, for the money, for the fans. 

 But you get it. He understands, kinda. It's almost like he knows your situation. Almost as though he knows you. 

 "Wow…" you try not to show too much interest. 

 She babbles about him (and some about his brother, Lance) until the bell rings. You pretend you're not listening too much, to the facts (Blaine plays piano, Blaine goes to a fancy academy, Blaine a year older than her) she gives, to the quotes she reads outloud, too loudly. 

 You're listening, enough that her words repeat until you make it home. 

 You ask your mom to buy you the latest mag (the one with the sweaty muscles on the front and a million questions in look-at-me red) when she gets off work. 

 She does, the same as she's complied with every wish you've ever had. Projects, bullet journals, crochet. The stray cat — Amory, a yellow tabby who's a little too dumb for his name — you've claimed as your own. Just as long as you promised not to waste the money. You never do, you've always been able to set your mind to what you wanted to do. 

 You're reading it during when the teacher is giving the most boring lesson ever, during when he's too distracted in telling you the history of the kingdom's first ruler (honestly, who needs, or even wants, to know that he had seven kids?).

 You feel somebody's gaze fall on you, you ignore it. 

 After a while of just looking at you like a creep, a mousy-haired (mouse as a whole) girl whispers, loud and scratchy, "Hey." 

 A moment passes before you respond. "Um. Hi." Except, just like her, you're not quiet… like at all. And because of that, you're sent to detention by that bitchass teacher. 

 He doesn't get it. Nobody really does, except Blaine and maybe the girl because as soon as detention starts and the teacher who's watching them over is passed out asleep (or drunk, public education seems to be getting worse every year), she asks if you like the Plaid brothers. 

 "That's too general," you scoff. You allow yourself to appear a bit more confident than usual, you allow your spine to straighten as you rise to your full height, because the girl, your classmate, is earnest.

 You know her, she's the one who squeaks whenever she's called on and the one with a stuttering problem and old clothes. 

 She waits for your answer. You find your cheeks warming, you've never actually talked about your interests out loud. 

 "I like Blaine," you say. 

 She brightens, a smile splitting on her chapped lips, like a sun. A star too big to remain unseen. It makes her prettier. You slouch. 

 Still, you can't fight hope. 

 The girl — Gertrude, she'll say her name with a lack of pride that makes you relax — will become your friend. You'll quiz her on everything she knows (because you don't want to be friends with a fake fan), and she'll smile and answer and get one wrong only once or twice. 

 ("Wrong," you say with repressed glee. It's fun, even though you're both in a lame library doing anything but reading. Even though you both have been shushed a hundred times already. "He was born at 11:23AM, not 11:41AM." 

 You giggle when she holds her head, sighing dramatically. You like this.) 

 The fanclub starts one day or another. It's a fuzzy memory, honestly. It started with you and Gertrude, ended with you and Gertrude and a bunch of other girls with pimples and poorly-veiled insecurities on their weight and popularity and family and who they loved, if they were loved. (They were, by Blaine.) Girls who didn't think they were better than everybody else. 

 It's pleasant to recall. Somebody makes t-shirts. Another reckon they'll be noticed soon, that they could get paid for this, that they should start to sneak into events and break the law and see Blaine and maybe meet Blaine. 

 That was you. 

 The other girls went along with it, because they trusted you and they loved Blaine as much as you did. They pool money together and give as much as they can. 

 Magazines, cameras, custom shirts, banners, cupcakes, merchandise. All of it. 

 Then, you grow out of Highschool. And, to your relief, nothing changes. Club members go on, they become disloyal with promises not-Blaines (and some not-Blaine-rissas) make. They don't know the truth: that they can't be loved as good as Blaine'll love them. As Blaine loves them on a daily basis, with his cards and speeches and smiles at the public. 

 You pity them but at the same time, you hate them. Because they left. They let go. They distanced themselves because they thought you and your friends and your Blaine were weird and annoying suddenly. 

 You hate fakers and those who stayed were not, they were dedicated, to selling, to sabotaging, to making the kingdom a place Blaine would be proud of. 

 You live with a roommate. He's never really around, which you're thankful for because he stares too much and tries to pet Amory and he gets a little too close to the things that matter to you. 

 Even at your age, you don't like it when people look a little too long. Or when your dad calls, talks to you, for more than an hour, even when you wanna hear his voice. Or when your mom asks how you've been, what you've been doing, if you've checked out the writing class she's recommended because she still remembers how you write… fiction (even though it's been years since she first caught you scribbling in the little notebook you'd show to your friends). 

 You tell her you're fine. 

 You aren't, maybe. Because you know that most adults don't have hobbies that they care about more than anything. You know that hobbies usually don't revolve around a living person, that most hobbies don't have little dolls that look almost as cute as a certain red-plaid prince. 

 Your life is falling apart, you know. Little by little. You've known that for a while. 

 This isn't healthy, you remember the words Gertrude told you all those years ago. She looked concerned, pretty hazel eyes gazing down at you. I think you're a little sick right now. Listen to me, just, please, listen. You need help. This isn't good for you. I— I want my friend back. 

 This is your friend, you wanted to scream. Wanted to rage. How dare she, betraying Blaine, betraying their friendship. Insulting her like this, you hated it. You hated her because she turned into all the other girls who were pretty and smart and thought they were better than everybody else. 

 Let me help you. 

 You swallowed, repressing the memory like you forced yourself to forget anything that was unpleasant.

 An organized mess, that's what your life is. There's too many dishes in the sink and you can't find the care, the passion you've distributed on your love, to put them away. 

 You've been living off of paper plates, take-out, and an unhealthy combination of fruit punch and energy drinks that promise a 'magical' outcome. You know Blaine would hate it. 

 You don't want him to hate you, so you make note to try to buy vegetables the next time you go to the grocery shop. 

 It feels nice, you tell yourself, to know you can always depend on him. He'll keep you in check, he'll love you. He'll say the things you want and he's always gonna be there for you, in the way nobody else was in your life. 

 Love. 

 Oh, Blaine, you think, blushing. 

 Your life is perfect, you also know, even though there's bad little bits that stick out like mold on the bread you've bought too long ago, with him by your side, in the same land as you, you're breathing the same air, you're living the same life. 

 You love him, really. More than anything. He's your beginning and your end, he's helped you so much with just a smile, silly or serious, flirtatious or innocent, on his printed face.

 He loves all of you. That's why he's stayed single, for all his loving, dedicated fans (the fans who sell merchandise for him, who make shirts from hand and sell things that'll make the kingdom flourish a little more — all for him) because at the end of the day, he belongs to them. He loves them, he chose them, over everything else.

 So, it's only right you choose him. 

 And, for the matter of choosing, you don't want, or need, to be helped. You just need Blaine. 

 And you're never gonna let him go. 

[watching-pictures-move]

Movie Review | House on Haunted Hill (Castle, 1959)

Here’s how you play House on Haunted Hill and make it through the night:

Don’t accept the invitation from Vincent Price to go to his creepy mansion to get $10,000 if you survive. If you did that, you already fucked up.

When he starts handing out guns and Elisha Cook Jr. doesn’t take one, take his as well. That way you have two guns. More bullets if you need them. Also you can dual wield and slide down the banister like Chow Yun Fat to feel cool if there’s time.

Try holding the gun sideways to intimidate the other guests so they’re less likely to try to kill you. Or maybe they’ll perceive you as a greater threat and be more likely to kill you. Okay, maybe don’t do this.

If you have to go somewhere with somebody, make sure you go with at least two people. If you go with one person, they’ll try to kill you. If you go with two, you can use one as a human shield if that happens.

Stay away from anybody who’s too scared. They’ll freak out and will try to kill you.

Stay away from anybody who’s not scared at all. They’re a psychopath and will try to kill you.

Stay away from anybody who’s a normal amount of scared. They’re thinking what you’re thinking and will try to kill you.

Take a knife from the kitchen. If your gun jams, you’ll need this handy.

Take a bunch of bottles of water. You’ll need these later to stay hydrated.

Go hole up in one of the bedrooms and move around the furniture to block all the doors and windows. If somebody tries to break in, you’ll have enough to start blasting or stabbing as required.

Make sure you cover the keyhole. Somebody might peek in, see you inside and try to kill you. Also close the curtains. Somebody might peek in, see you inside and try to kill you.

If you have to use the bathroom you can use the empty water bottles you brought with you. If you have to do a #2, uh… maybe go beforehand. That should be step 2.

Don’t leave the room until the deadline in the morning.

Congratulations, you have now survived House on Haunted Hill.

Anyway, this is pretty fun. Price is his usual cheerfully sinister self so there is a good deal of humour in the proceedings. (“Might make a good headline. Playboy kills wife with champagne cork.” “Don’t stay up thinking of ways to get rid of me. It makes wrinkles.”) And while you won’t exactly be stricken with existential terror during the proceedings, William Castle’s direction has a knack for making the scares pop like 3-D. And there’s a lady in an old timey dress and a spooky skeleton, sometimes on screen at the same time, so this is automatically a good movie.

[purgatorical]

Enter rant/sap post about taxy dysphoria and complaining about comfort characters. On mobile and I’m not gonna try to read more it I haven’t known how to do that for years

So I recognize and adore all forms of gender presentation and love when people are just being themselves right. I’m jealous of the people with the strong jaws and full beards with pretty dresses and cute shoes right. But it’s so far from where *I* am that it makes me sick to think of myself in such clothing right now ya feel me? The idea of me wearing a dress and being perceived as 100% unequivocally *female* makes me sick to my stomach. I am not a girl. Fairly sure I want to be a guy or at least 80% guy 20% fuck all right, and so I have my characters and my comfort picks and all that jazz. I have this one character who I haven’t talked about much but who I heavily lean on for what I WANT and I write and draw stories about him and he is trans in my stories but not in his canon. Obviously that means that everyone has their interpretations of him. For me he is a trans guy who transitioned a decade or so before canon and is comfortable as HIM. Right. Right. You’re with me. This character has been on the wash cycle in my head spinning around for months now as MY GUY my trans guy who is SUCCEEDING and LIVING and BEING and this artist I like started drawing him right? Started drawing him and another character and they started drawing him… in dresses. And skirts. And with long hair and full make up and somehow it feels like a punch in the gut, like someone is misgendering him, like someone is misgendering ME right and it’s so stupid! I get extreme negative emotions whenever I see this art, but I love all their other art so I don’t feel like I need to just unfollow or whatever but it is so incredibly painful whenever I see this particular art from them that sometimes I feel like throwing up and it’s ridiculous to have all of my emotional well being in this one basket that I don’t even share with anyone but here I am! Crying and nauseous and wanting to scream WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO HIM but it’s stupid! He’s not mine, he’s not me, he’s not even real! He’s lines on a page, pixels on a screen, a summary sheet on a wiki. People of all identities wear dresses and get long hair and put on makeup but this one particular character that I have decided to latch onto is not allowed apparently. I’ve tied myself to him before realizing and now it’s an actual detriment to me to see him in any other form. An awful obsession that pains and wounds and benefits no one. He is the ideal but only in the way *I* want him to be right? It’s stupid and I don’t know how to make myself stop hurting whenever I see art of him in any other way. Bleugh

I’m not going to do anything about it, ranting has made me feel a bit better and I’ve been dying to talk about it for a while now but too scared to tell anyone specific and too disgusted with myself to post it but here I am anyway at the end of my rope frothing at the mouth because they put a pleated skirt on my… oh god do I Kin him? Is this what kinning is?? Like I don’t want to specifically be him I just specifically want the gender and presentation I’ve formed in my head yaknow? Idk man fuck bye xoxo