#he is the king of daddy issues ™

[blueparadis]

Higuruma ‘i’ll cure your daddy issues’ Hiromi.

He keeps you under close inspection and doesn't really express his possessiveness or his jealousy. He will support you when you are in a relationship, through and through. Listening to your relationship problems over a cup of coffee or ice cream. But after your first break up, he takes you to the countryside and tells you there's plenty of fish in the sea. You shouldn't waste your tears over a boy. He will even lend a shoulder if you are still not cheered up, and will share a cigarette if he has to; for your smile. So that when your head is clear, your mind is sane from sadness you think of him. Yeah, you think he is cool for keeping up with the taste of this new generation. You're so naive and so childlike. It makes him want you more. You don't get it— the weight of his actions; but it will catch up to you eventually,by the time you've already done something you regret; those short-lived intimate moments of holding hands in the crowd while crossing a street feels like a fever dream

[simkoos]

in between building and trying not to drive myself crazy with my indecisiveness, i've been populating my save with men™

adam bardot, 27: local fuccboi, usually spotted at the boba shop shooting his shot with the vendor

barry king, 72: self-made millionaire (or so he claims), owns the 'kingpin gentlemen's club' in del sol valley. he's lowkey forcing his son to take over the business after his retirement

bryn chamberlain, 22: youngest of 4 siblings. he makes bank on simhub but his parents believe he's simply tipped well at the fancy seafood restaurant in downtown san sequoia 🤷

houston morrisey, 26: lowkey has anger issues and denies it while being argumentative and angry... an amazing photographer, loves media production and any music genre as long as it can be played loudly. always in competition with his best friend shayne

jaxon guzman, 31: kinda unhinged, you just don't know what goes on in that mind of his. freaks out customers works at a marijuana dispensary in del sol valley and has a gf that's equally unhinged

kevin offerman, 25: studies early childhood development at ubrite, loves 2000's pop music, green tea and cozy video games. he's also hope and jamison's nanny 🤍

kieran panzacola, 33: looks tough bc he is. definitely the strong and silent type but has a super soft spot for his puppy maddie ;-;

kristian wang, 21: lifestyle influencer from san myshuno, rarely interacts with sims not in his social circle. claims to be humble and down to earth while bragging about purchasing his first home at 19

myles cook, 26: has tons of friends, the guy to go to if you wanna know where the best parties are. lost count of the amount of piercings he has but wants more smh (if you can't tell i love my alt boys sm)

noel easley, 20: lives solely on ramen, granola bars and mcdonald's french fries. very easy going, is absolutely loved by his friends and peers. he's also an expert at crochet and sells his creations on plopsy! (pls buy a hat he needs more fries)

prof. cliff woodruff, 55: foxbury's renowned robotics professor, divorcee, father of 2 and sugar daddy. 👀

shayne goins, 25: friendly but mysterious, wants to be a rockstar when he grows up, has 3 unrequited love interests bc of his fear of vulnerability and commitment :((( always in competition with his best friend houston

[badass-queer-couples-battle]

Sword gays showdown, round 1 of bracket one

Propaganda:

For Felix:

Best sword fighting unit in the game outside of the MC. He cares so much about sword fighting it is almost his identity. 2 of is paired endings is basically “historians say they were great friends”. He died on the same day as his childhood best friend in one, in another he cried more than the kings wife when the king died .

He’s awful. Like actually so mean and that’s why we love him. But when push comes to shove he actually has one of the most unbreakable moral codes. Felix is bisexual in the most bisexual way possible. His three most popular ships include: a man he insists he hates but dies on the same day as because “they can’t live without each other”, a man who Felix insists he hates and after said man’s death Felix spends the rest of his life protecting his burial, and finally a nice woman that he really likes to hear sing and they become teachers together. He has brother trauma, after his brother’s death he HATES knights because of something his dad said. So he also daddy issues. In conclusion: Very mean, interesting taste in men, loves women, has daddy issues

For Alucard:

He has a sword that he can command to fly around. He's bisexual. He's depressed. He's both the direct opposite of his father and too much like him. He's part of the most disastrous polycule to ever exist. He's a jerk. I love him, he's very important to me.

Symphony of the Night has too much of a cultural impact to not have him be included here. He’s an aroace icon with a huge sword collection (he’s bisexual in the animated series). He has a flying sword familiar and a sword he can hold in his hands. Loves taking naps. 

[disillusioneddanny]

Eloped in Space part 7

Read part six here 

I am slowly making an outline for this to become more than just random drabble. But it won’t be coming out until after Cat’s Cradle and The Devil Wore a T-shirt are completed

Danny leaned up on his tip toes and gave his husband a quick kiss. “How was therapy?” he asked, climbing into their large bed. Bruce just gave him a look ™ that basically told Danny everything that he needed to know. He simply gave the man his best innocent smile and waited for a response. 

“Jasmine has decided that we are going to approach my lack of trust in others first,” Bruce said with a sigh as he pulled off his slacks. Danny chuckled to himself as he watched his husband undress for bed. 

“Could be worse. She could have tried to tackle your mommy and daddy issues,” he said only for a shirt to be thrown in his face. The Ghost King let out a dramatic whine as he pulled the shirt off his face. 

“Starling!” he complained before snatching Bruce’s arm and pulling him back to the bed once he was in nothing more than his boxers. “Don’t be mean, I’m just telling you the truth. It’s okay to have parental issues, I have them and I’m two hundred years old!” He exclaimed. Bruce just rolled his eyes and got into the bed, pulling the covers over him. 

“I don’t have parental issues,” he mumbled, resting his head on his fist so that he could still look at his husband. “I think that you are delusional, Darling.”

Danny just smiled and moved closer until his leg was tucked between his husbands. “Whatever you say. Now, Clockwork already froze time for us so that you could actually get a decent amount of sleep before your patrols tonight so let’s not make him wait any longer. You could truly use some rest you know. I can see the bags under your eyes and it makes me worry,” Danny said, cupping Bruce’s face in his hand, running his thumb along the darkened skin under one of Bruce’s eyes. 

Bruce placed his hand over Danny’s and smiled. “I don’t know what I did without you. You know that, right?” He said quietly, staring up at his husband and falling into those cerulean blue eyes. “Dick was so happy after the two of you went to lunch. And I know you are planning on going out with Jason sometime this week to bond with him, he’s going to have a wonderful time.”

“I don’t know what you did without me either. But it’s fine, we don’t have to think about that anymore. I’m here now,” he said, thumb now moving to trace up and down Bruce’s cheekbone with cold, feather like touches. “And I know, I’m still figuring out what we are going to do. Don’t worry, we won’t go out and kill the Joker. Even though I really do hate clowns and have clown trauma of my own.”

At this Bruce made a pained face. “Do I even want to know what happened?” He asked. 

Danny’s face darkened ever so slightly. “T’was a dark day in Amity Park,” he said solemnly before his face brightened up once more. “I was thinking about taking Jason out for drinks or maybe we can just do some light torture with the Joker. I don’t know yet but I want to get to know him better. I feel for him, I really do. I remember how lost I felt when I came back from dying. It’s really scary and you feel all alone. I don’t want him to feel alone anymore, now when I’m here to help him out along the way.”

“Well, I suppose that’s better than you outright murdering him,” Bruce said with a sigh. 

Danny just smiled at him, the corners of his eyes scrunching up ever so slightly. “I may not completely understand it, but I am trying to respect your wishes. The only time I’ll go against your no killing rule is if one of your rogues hurts my kids,” he said causing Bruce’s heart to soar. Danny had already taken his kids in as his own and loved them with everything in him. Bruce had never thought he would ever find someone who would not only accept Bruce as he was and work with him on the things he struggled with but also accept his kids and their nightly adventures. Danny did all three. He legitimately wanted what was best for Bruce and his children. It was why he had managed to convince Bruce into going to therapy, why he and Dick were now able to have weekly phone conversations without it turning into an argument. It was also the reason why Jason had actually come home the last two Sundays for family dinner. 

Danny was just wat this family needed and Bruce would never be able to truly show him just how thankful he was to have the ghost in his life.

@mynameisnotlaura @neverlandingbird @angelheartgamer @connorsbonez @quietlyscared  @kgne-k @namichanth @magificence12  @alinmenttreasure  @phantomskeep @themirrorghost @dragonmoon2995 @numbuh-7-knd @blacksea21090 @blankliferain @avenInfear @rentatsunagi @bytheoldwillowtree @michikoy-yuki @aro-acedumbass @legowerewolf @justwannaseesomebrozawa @starscreamlover @undead-essence @skulld3mort-1fan @random-shit-writing @yinari-uchiha @dragongoblet @lesling123 @ascetic-orange @pastalavistamf @illusionwolfwriter24r8 @drowningroane @jotaroslooseeyebrowhair @daemonlogical @jogjosmowwdkfs @markus209 @fox-sama97 @that-one-goblin @immakittybear @the-legal-shipper @blackstar-gazer @spoopyspoony @mj-arts-n-stuff @cloudminder @  serasvictoria02 @thegatorsgoose @  mnemovoid   @ nor-al  @i dontgetpaidenoughforthisshit @ alixanterm 

[lady-of-the-puddle]

All right I've been holding this back for a while but now you get to see my

Rating Tron's Exes

list

The boy:

See? him face

And now the exes:

FIRST UP WE HAVE

1. Dyson

Bougie Rat Bastard 3000

Is the Worst™

Absolute dork loser

Made a grab for power and betrayed his brother his captain hiS KING

Not even hot

2/10 Sucks like the vacuum he is

2. Clu

Discount fuck boi god wannabe

Okay listen

There's chemistry between them

Even if it's toxic af

He's part of Kevin of course he and Tron dated

Yes it was full of hate

Esp when he was stuck as Rinzler 😏

But sometimes u gotta date an asshole to know what u dont want

0/10 Actual Nazi

3. Able

Daddy? Sorry

FATHER material

Has stable job and income

Firm but kind and caring

Will tell u to stfu

Divorce was mutual and they got split custody of Beck so pretty chill breakup overall

10/10 Need I say more

4. Cyrus

Boundaries Were Crossed

Yet another betrayal *sigh*

My boi Tron knows how to pic em

Somehow more crazy than Clu

But less Nazi at least???

Spectacular revenge plot tbh

Looks pretty sick 😎

World's Messiest Breakup

5/10 Dedicated to the bit

4.1 Beck

CRACK SHIP I SWEAR

I know y'all are about to come for me

But listen

Programs have no concept of age

This ship is purely for fun for me, I highly ship them as father and son usually (see: Able)

Something about the desperation and trust issues between them speak to me

We all know it would never work out

7/10 doomed by the narrative (if we HAD ANY)

5. Flynnster

fuck boi God SUPREME

I am highly biased on this

loves Tron so much he ported him from the old system

Spent more time with him than with his own son (-1 point for that)

named everything after him

Tron was ready to give up his own life to save him

ANGST

never officially broke up but he thought he was derezzed so that counts

9/10 HERE WE STAND WORLDS APART HEARTS BROKEN IN T- ok I'll stop

6. Ram

Cinnamon Roll too pure yadda yadda

Wide eyed sweetheart

Never did anything wrong in his short cycle

Was in a brief polycule with Tron and Flynn

Only broke up because he derezzed

What's not to like

11/10 perfect angle

7. Yori

HER

Unpopular opinion y'all are about to murder me

They were each other's beards

She's a nerd lesbian

Because she's hot and I want a chance with her I want her to be

They simply realized they preferred other programs and amicably broke up

She calls him up from the first system every now and then and they spill some hot tea and rebellion tips

100/10 bc im in love with her here have another pic

Anyone I missed?

In conclusion, all users and programs desire Tron carnally, grid's biggest slut, he's in nothing and is my everything thank you for coming to my TRON Talk next time I'll rate Beck's exes cause that's been overcooking in my brain too

[phantomskeep]

Another hot take because I can't get the idea of queer moms ivy and harley out if my head;

So dannys on the run from the GIW (shocker) and ends up in Gotham because of Reasons™ (aka plot). He's tired, exhausted, and overall not having A Good Time. So he does what any half-dead teenager with combined mommy and daddy issues does - he finds an alley, sits down and cries a little.

Totally normal teenage super hero stuff.

When suddenly there's like a loud cackling near the entrance of the alley as well as some sus grunting noises. Danny, being a curious cat with a half life left, investigates (read: he sticks his head through a dumpster). What he sees shocks him a little bit. There's a wanna-be clown holding a green lady against a wall! Oh no! Shocker! This must be that joker guy everyones worried about, right? Because as a teenage superhero from the Midwest danny toooootally keeps up with all the other hero drama. Like an adult. He totally does, he swears it.

(or maybe alternative dimension? Or timeline?)

But so this joker lady is holding green lady hostage, right? So he steps out heroically (again, read: he falls through the dumpster and awkwardly stands there) and tells the joker lady to stop joking around and to let the hostage go!

Totally heroic.

But then joker lady and green lady look at him and kind of laugh, like "haha kid, that's funny" but dannys dead serious. Man goes "like no but seriously stop harming an innocent woman" which causes ivy to laugh and tell him he's cute. Ivy and Harley lead him on a bit to see if he's really just THAT clueless before realizing that, oh wait yeah, this kid has no idea who we are. They think it's very adorable that this child is trying to stand up to protect Harleys girlfriend/wife/lover? (idk I don't really keep up with the DC stuff) but so they kind of off hand ask Danny if he's new in town. Ofc being a (lovable) idiot he says yes. They ask if he has a place to stay. He says no.

So they abscond away to the dead mall with Danny in tow! Because if all else fails hed make a good goon.

Bonus of king shark and Danny legit getting on like a house on fire. Like he already knows a lot about plants because of Sam, but the ocean? And a talking shark? That isnt dead and wanting to fight him? The coolest thing since the Apollo 13.

[selfproclaimedunicorn]

I would like more cousin duo factoids and tidbits

The Roycegaryen/Targtower Daddy Issues Havers Cousin Duos are so dear to me, thank you for this opportunity to scream about it

Ella & Aemond

This shit is built on mutual "my mental health is everyone else's problem" bullshittery. They are a constant feedback loop of "catharsis is arson & soul rendering screams into the void & property damage," both equally explosive but subdued in the areas where the other isn't. They are also definitely profiting from Ella being way more socially well adjusted & friendly than Aemond; she's basically his emotional support sister-figure (not that he doesn't have older sisters, but Ella's way older than him while actually being willing to be his friend/mentor without being a second mom bc he would never replace Alicent like that!)

Absolutely chaotic son-coded oldest daughter/daughter-coded second son solidarity. When the Targtowers visit Runestone she takes him joyriding on Vermithor & then sends him to go play with her comedically serious son. 16/10 experience, bb!Aemond would do it again & she is his favorite cousin. They definitely set a tree on fire during that flying session.

Yorick & Aegon

My boys elbow deep in the daddy issues muck. The traumatized little boy who hates his shitty dad & just wants his mommy to hold him in Yorick recognizes the traumatized little boy in Aegon. They're friends, they're brothers, they're father & son; they hug each other & cry at least once.

Yorick is, for Aegon, an older male figure who cares about him without worrying about how that benefits him & is safe--he's dad shaped & tells him he can do/be better because he's worth that effort, not because the realm needs it but because he deserves it personally. And then for Yorick, Aegon is finally seeing to fruition the reason he was in King’s Landing & enduring All That for years: being the older brother figure of the king's son. There's just the extra bonus of them being able to commiserate over just fucking hating Viserys.

Aegon is a shivering cat that Yorick found in the dumpster that immediately imprinted on him when he figured out "I like soft touch." Meanwhile, Aegon bonding with Weird Scary Mountain Man is a fucking mirror of Yorick claiming his nasty as hell dragon. Also, Yorick has definitely threatened Otto Hightower in defense of His Boy™ & I feel like that level of care had Aegon stunlocked for several minutes. 100/10, he's never leaving Yorick’s side again.

Aemon & Helaena

Weird quiet isolated kid who gets easily overwhelmed solidarity, right there. Aemon sees the potential to get/be as bad as he was isolation wise, & he wants better than that for whoever he sees that kind of "I'm weird, I'm a weirdo. I don't fit in." energy in, so it starts with him going out of his way to make sure she doesn't slip through the cracks & then blossoms into something really sweet & mutual from there. He'll happily sit there in silence when she needs it & listen to her when she has something to say; like, just generally he isn't treating Helaena like she's fragile or has something wrong with her. His concern is just not wanting her to be lonely.

They respect each other as Socially Just A Little Off & they're mutually safe to be around when the social battery is running on empty. "Your thought processes & need to be alone sometimes are totally normal. Everyone else is wrong." Also, in a modern AU she's who is going up to the counter at the burger place to say Aemon asked for no pickles. Please know that is real & true.

Aemon is also close enough to her age (like, I think he was 5 when she was born?) that he can kind of easily & comfortably fit within her life while still being Large Older Rleative To Be Safe Around If I Need Protection. When he comes home from fostering for his 16th nameday & gets to be in a tourney to celebrate his getting knighted, he asks Helaena for her favor because that's his friend & she said she wanted to give him one. The tourney was loud, but she had fun & Aemon made sure she had both hiding spots & other kids to play with, 12/10 that's her cousin. Also Aemon is one of the most exciting parts of getting betrothed to Yorick's son/Stannis during the course of the fic (Stannis knows he is the second favorite cousin & he's okay with this)

[moderntimeadventure]

FAQ

Welcome to the Modern Time Adventure AU! It’s basically an interpretation of what Adventure Time might be like if it took place nowadays. Before getting into it you may want to check out this FAQ to figure out some basics of the AU. Enjoy!

Spoilers?

Yes yep yeah I've included events and characters that appear in both the original show, distant lands, and a teensy bit from the comics, so if you're looking for something spoiler free, this isn't it.

Plot?

As far as I'm concerned, there isn't really one. Mostly it's everyone being stupid and having fun but I hope to also included some sideplots based off the original show plots, such as certain relationships, events or scenarios happening.

What's different?

Honestly, I think the biggest thing that's changed is the timeline. It's my AU so I decided I can do whatever I want, so the occurrence of the events slightly different .. but other than that there are some small changes with character specifics that aren't really worth mentioning in detail here.

Does Finn lose his arm in this AU?

Short answer, yes. Long answer, I do feel it's important to Finn's character and arc that he loses his arm, however the basis of the AU is the gang having fun and I didn't want to make it too angsty. Also, Finn is only 15 here and the current thought is that he won't lose his arm until he's older, around age 17 like in the show.

About me:

Hiya my main is @mispelled and Adventure Time has become really special and close to my heart recently, I know I'm late and the fandom is pretty much dead but. I don't really care, I'm gonna have fun anyway :)

Primary characters:

Finn, Jake, Bonnibel Bubblegum, Marceline, Phoebe/Flame Princess, Fern,

Secondary characters:

Simon Petrikov/Ice King, Peppermint Butler, BMO, Neptr, LSP, Susan Strong, Frieda, Tiffany Oiler, Cadebra, Spader, Blaine, Huntress Wizard, Betty Grof, Prismo, Lady Rainicorn, Kim kil whan, Charlie, Viola, Jake Jr, T.V.,

Characters that I've included but aren't really part of anything important:

Jermaine, Sweet P, Tree Trunks, Mr Pig, Aunt Lolly, Uncle Gumbald, Cousin Chicle, Neddy, Earl Lemongrab, Lemonhope, Gunther, Martin Mertens, Minerva Campbell, Hunson Abadeer, Joshua, Margaret, Billy, Canyon

(warning: this is going to be very long. You've been warned)

Character Specifics

Finn Mertens (he/him), 15. Idiot teenager who lives in the treehouse in Jake and Lady's backyard. Jake often sleeps there too because Finn will sometimes get nightmares. Likes plants. Favorite color is blue. Aro ace. Finn and Phoebe dated for a bit and then had a fight and broke up, didn't talk to each other for three months, and since then have made up, now they are besties.

Bonnibel Bubblegum (she/her), 17. Very studious, serious about her future. Favorite subjects in school are science and technology, but also enjoys home ec. Has a pet mouse named Science. Loves Marceline's songs but wouldn't admit it during the time they weren't talking. Questionable morality. Autistic and has anxiety. Favorite color is pink. Ace lesbian. Lives with her Aunt Lolly and Uncle Gumbald, cousin Chicle and foster siblings. Has a twin brother Neddy who doesn't live at home. Helps out in the candy shop most days after school

Jake Dogg (he/him), 32. Dad Humor ™. Also fart jokes. Plays the viola. Sneezes loud as heck. Gets very passionate about things he cares about. Likes going for long walks. Bisexual. Is Legit the best dad and brother ever. Loves his kids and his wife and his brothers sm!!! Isn't officially married to Lady but calls her his wife very often. Stay-at-home dad but tends to do random jobs during the day while most of the kids are at daycare/school. Finn's official best friend and bro. Fave color is yellow but dark blue is a close second

Phoebe Flame (she/her), 15. Hot temper, daddy issues. Has an older brother named Flint but isn't close with him. Found a passion in freestyle rapping and often raps with Neptr. Finn called her "flame princess" while they were dating (because of her last name and her temper) and he sometimes still uses the nickname to antagonize her. Favorite color is orange. Bisexual. Growing up her father was super overprotective and low-key abusive. She ran away from home for a bit but they made up eventually and now have a tense relationship on the mend.

Marceline Abadeer Petrikov (she/they), 18. Acts angry and punk but is actually a major softie. Writes music and takes inspiration from mitski, girl in red, chloe moriondo, cavetown and the red hot chili peppers. Had a vampire phase in middle school and still has a soft spot for YA novels. Favorite color is red. Bisexual. Has played in a band but has come to realize she prefers writing alone. Has insomnia which is when she writes her songs. Ambidextrous, which explains her ability to play bass with both hands.

Simon Petrikov (he/him), 58. Former Professor of Archaeology. Likes penguins. Plays the drums. Getting over a mental breakdown involving amnesia

Fern Campbell (he/they) 15. Finn's lil brother. Only reconnected with Finn recently because neither of them knew the other existed. Autistic. Nonbinary. Has a lot of angst™. Feels like he needs to one-up Finn at all times and live up to his reputation. Questionable morality and anger issues. Has a green thumb and really likes plants. Favorite color is green.

BMO Dogg-Rainicorn (he/they/she), 5. Adopted kid of the Dogg-Rainicorn family. Very imaginative, likes to play pretend. Has an imaginary friend, "Football", and plays soccer in an after school program. Is in Lady's first grade class

Pepper Mint Butler (he/they), 6. Very smart (especially for his age). Likes to use big words and will sometimes swear. He's That Weird Kid who knows random facts about creepy things. Plays DnD. Draws comics (which the rest of the cast likes to read and discuss at length). Lives at the Gumbald Foster Home. Is in Lady's first grade class.

Neptr Dogg-Rainicorn (he/him),11. Adopted kid of the Dogg-Rainicorn family. Super smart. Small for his age and uses a wheelchair most of the time. Loves pie and is in Tree Trunk's good books, often hangs out at her pie shop. Beatboxes with Phoebe.

Lady Rainicorn (she/her) 31. Works as a first grade teacher during the day. Mother of seven. Such a good mom and teacher. Speaks Korean at home, but English while teaching. Pansexual. Best friends with Bonnie and they'll sometimes get together to talk shit and eat junk food.

Charlie Dogg-Rainicorn (she/her), 6. Likes witchy stuff, mythology and tarot cards. Twin to Jake Jr. Is in Lady's first grade class

Jake Jr Dogg-Rainicorn (she/they),6. Daddy's girl. Twin to Charlie. Is in Lady's first grade class

T.V. Dogg-Rainicorn (he/him), 4. In the same dare care as Sweet P

Viola Dogg-Rainicorn (she/her),2. Very sweet, wants to be an actress.

Kim Kil Whan Dogg-Rainicorn (he/him),6 mon. Literal baby

LSP (she/her), 16. High school junior. Gossip girl. Often acts low-key bratty, sassy, attention-seeking and willfully ignorant, and enjoys texting on her phone but actually has depth that she doesn't like to show on the outside. Marceline's insider informer

Frieda (they/she), 27. Very open to different things, likes trying new hobbies. Always working on a different project. Very involved with helping Susan and has become a regular visitor at the Amnesiac Support Group. Sapphic and in a relationship with Susan

Susan Strong (she/her), 27. Super loyal and has strong intuition about who to trust. Likes picking people up. Has a golden retriever personality. After a fight with Frieda as teenagers, she stalked off and was involved in a car accident, leaving her with amnesia and aphasia. Subsequently ended up in the same ward as Simon and after a whole bunch of shenanigans was able to reconnect with Frieda several years afterwards. Hasn't recovered her memories but has strong feelings of intuition and remembers knowing Frieda from before. Sapphic and in a relationship with Frieda.

Cadebra Daniels (she/her), 6. Pep's #1 best friend (but he'll deny it). Loves sleight of hand magic. Super hyper and has ADHD. Is in Lady's first grade class

Tiffany Oiler (he/they/she), 23. Plays the viola. Old friends with Jake who acted as an older brother figure until Finn came along. Has a mini rivalry with Finn about being Jake's bestfriend/brother. Has soon come to respect Finn and now they get along, if somewhat grudgingly. Has been adopted by Joshua and Margaret Dogg

Blaine Jay (they/them), 6. Spader's best friend. Has become grudging friends with Pep and Cadebra, and often feels like they need to earn Spader's attention. Is in Lady's first grade class

Spader Petersen (he/him) 7. Frenemies with Pep. Used to be really stuck up but has taken it down a notch since then. Has sensory issues with noise so he almost always wears noise cancelling earphones. Carries around a rock named Larry. Is in Lady's first grade class

Betty Grof (she/her), 54. Simon's fiance and Marceline's mother figure.

Huntress Wizard (they/she), 16. The emo/scene kid at high school who has a mutual platonic crush on Finn. She ends up bonding with Fern after they realize how much they have in common. Aro

Prismo (they/he), 33. Fashion designer, has his own homemade pickle brand, "Prismo's Homemade Artisanal Pickles". Plays the banjo. Best friends with Jake from their college days when they dated. Pansexual. Somehow always has an answer to every question, though it's not always correct. Will often get the gang to model his clothes for his brand

Jermaine Dogg (he/him), 34. Jake's biological brother, Finn and Tiffany's adopted brother. Artist and keeper of family heirlooms.

Mr Pig (he/him), 64. Married to Tree Trunks, Sweet P's adopted father

Tree Trunks (she/her), 65. Pie shop owner and Sweet P's adopted mother

Punchy Gumbald (he/him), 43. Bonnie's uncle. Runs a collective foster home and small candy store, "Candy Kingdom". Husband to Lolly, father to Chicle

Sweet Pig-Trunks/Sweet P (he/him), 3. Adopted kid of the Pig-Trunks family. Has nightmares. In the same dare care as Viola

Chicle "Crunchy" Gumbald (they/he), 19. Bonnie's cousin. Six foot four. Self conscious about his laugh. "The funny one™". Away at college most of the time, doesn't always feel comfortable being at home with the foster kids.

Lolly Manfried Gumbald (she/he), 42. Bonnie's aunt. Runs a collective foster home and small candy store, "Candy Kingdom". Wife to Punchy, mother to Chicle

Hope Lemongrab (he/him) 11. Earl's little brother. Foster kid of the Gumbald Foster Home.

Earl Lemongrab (he/him) 16. Autistic. Foster kid of the Gumbald Foster Home. Needs glasses but never wears them.

Martin Mertens (he/him) 40. Finn and Fern's scumbag biological dad. Con artist. Has brain damage.

Neddy Bubblegum (he/him), 17. Bonnie's twin brother. Autistic. Currently residing at a separate care facility

Hunson Abadeer (he/him), 50. Marceline's scumbag biological dad. Business man™.

Minerva Campbell (she/her) 39. Finn and Fern's biological mother. Doctor.

Margaret Dogg (she/her) 63. Jake, Jermaine, Finn and Tiffany's mom. Runs a detective firm with Joshua, her husband.

Joshua Dogg (he/him) 62. Jake, Jermaine, Finn and Tiffany's dad. Runs a detective firm with Margaret, his wife.

Billy (he/him) 35. Finn's celebrity crush

Ok phew that's over for now

Specific Situational things that are important:

Canyon (she/they) 33. Billy's girlfriend

Finn and Fern were born to Minerva (doctor) and Martin (former con artist) Mertens. Incident happened where Martin and Finn were confronted by Marten's past clients (people he'd cheated), they ended up running. Finn was found and adopted by the Dogg family, Fern grew up alone with his mother who never told him about his brother. Martin returned to his con artist ways. Minerva tried to search for her missing family but never found them, and tried to move on with her life.

The Mertens

Finn and Fern didn't know the other existed, being separated as babies. They eventually met by accident when they bumped into each other at [an event]. After the fact, Fern took matters into his own hands and stalked Finn down via the internet.

Mertens brothers reunion

Joshua and Margaret Dogg run a private detective investigation firm. They have four children- Jacob, Jermaine, Tiffany Oiler and Finn Mertens

The Doggs

Jake and Lady are not officially married but live as if they are. They have five biological children, Kim Kil Whan, Charlie, Viola, Jake Jr and T.V., as well as adopted children BMO and Neptr. Finn lives with them, usually opting to stay in the tree house. Jake is a stay-at-home dad but tends to do random jobs during the day while most of the kids are at daycare/school. Lady works as a first grade teacher

The Dogg-Rainicorns

Punchy and Lolly run a collective home where they care for foster children. Some of the residents of the home include Pep, Earl and Hope Lemongrab, Bonnie and (formerly) Marceline. The Gumbalds also own a small candy store called "Candy Kingdom" where the kids will help out after school.

The Gumbald Foster Home

After Marceline's mother died, Simon, who was a close friend of Marcy's mom, took her in as his own. Marceline lived with Simon and Betty, his fiance, until soon after taking her in, Simon began experiencing a mental breakdown/psychotic episode that lasted a couple months, and is still recovering. Betty attempted to reunite Marceline and Hunson Abadeer, who wasn't interested in raising his kid. After the attempt ended in disaster, Betty was unable to care for Marcy and longer and she was transferred to the Gumbald Foster Home while Simon was committed to a psychiatric ward. Only when Simon was on the road to recovery and was released from the hospital did Marceline return to living with him and Betty.

The Simon/Marceline relationship

Simon had a mental breakdown/psychotic episode which ultimately resulted in dissociative amnesia. Marceline created an insert oc for him called The Ice King to try and help them both while dealing with the situation. Simon did get professional help but the amnesia remained for quite a while. He now attends an Amnesiac Support Group, which Susan also attends.

The Ice King Incident

Marcy and Bonnie were good friends throughout elementary school and the beginning of middle school, until they started to fall apart because of Bonnie adopting more responsibilities in her life (including helping her brother Neddy, dealing with family dynamics, the foster home, and accepting responsibilities at the candy shop) and as a result, Marcy felt ignored and left out especially because that's when she needed a friend (while going through her own issues with Simon's mental downfall). The two had a big fight and didn't talk for a few years but they're patching up their relationship and aren't dating yet, but both have feelings for each other.

Marceline/Bonnie relationship

Kara and Frieda were good friends as teenagers but after a fight, Kara stalked off and was involved in a car accident, leaving her with amnesia and aphasia. She subsequently ended up in the same ward as Simon and after a whole bunch of shenanigans involving changing her name to Susan, they were able to reconnect several years afterwards. Susan hasn't recovered her memories but has strong feelings of intuition and remembers knowing Frieda from before.

Susan/Frieda relationship

[usaigi]

💕🏳️‍🌈 For the media hyperfixation asks!

YES THIS IS THE ONE I WANTED ILY TY

💕 tell us about one of your favorite characters and why you like them!

Mateo Murdock 🥺 He's cute, angsty, funny, a hot mess, witty, mommy and daddy issues and has the mental illness sparkle ✨ Something about a character so filled with rage and hurt and so dedicated to help others. Mhm martyrs.. He and Loki were my first MCU blorbos and while I still like Loki, he's lost his blorbo status in my heart. He's my number one.

🏳‍🌈 do you have any headcanons (lgbt, race, neuro, etc) that are important to you? (I got this one twice so I'm going to split up my response, here's the other half)

Heroes for Hire + contractors MK and Layla & Kingpin Felicia Hardy

Colleen - Her mom is Okinawan w/ connection to K'un-Lun/the mystical cities/Seven Capital Cities of Heaven and dad is born and raised in Hawaii with chinese, filipino, korean, japanese, white, hawaiian ancestry. Colleen being Okinawan and growing up in Hawaii exposed her to how indigenous people are treated like second class citizens on their own land and how outsiders/colonizers exploit the land and its resources and that why she's so protective of the K'un-Lun/mystical cities. Also she's a lesbian for Misty

Danny - Half white, half chinese. Some family and business partners and other rich people from Rand's side thought Danny's mom was a foreign gold digger but her family is China Rich™ British boarding school, met Wendell at fancy Ivy League etc. and still not "like them" So when Danny was born, he got exposed to a lot of racism and specifically Sinophobia/anti-Chinese comments all through childhood

And ADHD King 🏃 undiagnosed though, all his sifus thought he just liked to jump.

Claire - Afro-Latina (canon) Did I make this up or does Claire talk about experiencing a lot of anti-blackness growing up? Anyways, if that's canon, cool!(not that anti-blackness in the latine community is cool but for Netflix to acknowledge that's something afro-Latinos often experience) If not, it's canon now.

Matt - Mexican Matt etc etc. i know u know this by now but also trans masc Matt who thought he used to be a lesbian and is now a straight cis passing white passing guy despite being disabled poc and queer and the identity and religious meltdown he must have had when he went to college. Also I changed my mind, I do like BPD Matt

Jessica - wonder bread white but she's like self aware about it. She brings a store bought cake to the office potluck. She keeps her mouth closed when the others wash their chicken in the sink. PTSD is canon but I also think she has DPDR. Also Bi.

send me a ask about my media hyperfixation

[extraterrestrial-librarian]

I am currently imagining the Criminal Minds main cast and the Psych main cast meeting and it is possibly one of the best things I've done in a while. Especially considering the similarities between most of the main characters. Let me explain:

1. Cop dads (Dave Rossi and Henry Spencer)

I don't think I need to explain this one

2. Group leader (Aaron Hotchner and Carlton Lassiter)

Tough exterior, but cares a lot about those they work with, also nicknames based on surnames (Hotch/Lassie)

3. Badass blondes (Jennifer Jareau and Juliet O'Hara)

J names, also they both were good at a competitive activity in high school (soccer/rollerblading). They were also both kidnapped.

4. Tired of Everyone's Shit™ (Emily Prentiss and Karen Vick)

They just give off similar vibes y'know?

5. Side characters around for important stuff (Grant Anderson and Buzz McNab)

Now here is where it gets a little less matchy-matchy and more of mashups of different characters

6. Resident Genius (Spencer Reid and Gus T.T. Showbiz, extra t for extra talent)

Now, you may think that Spencer and Shawn should be matched here, but I disagree. While it's true that Shawn is the one who is seen as smarter than the rest of them, I feel like he's a little too arrogant to fit with Spencer's awkwardness (still love him though). But Gus on the other hand, well he's the one who memorized all of the United States area codes FOR FUN (I don't remember the episode). Also both of them have an episode dedicated to proving their dad's did not commit murder They just seem like a better match to me.

But, I will go through the similarities between the two, starting with their names. Both have Spencer in their names. Both are incredibly smart, with an eidetic memory. Their parents are not together, and their mom was used by a serial killer to commit crimes (The Fischer King and Mr. Yang). Both were kidnapped and shot by a stalker/murderer (Diane Turner and Mr. Yang). They were almost killed by a dark-haired assassin with daddy issues (Cat Addams and Mr. Yang). But, I still feel like Spencer goes with Gus, and Shawn-

7. Lovable Detective (Derek Morgan and Shawn Spencer)

Witty, intelligent, if you remove Penelope Garcia's dirty talk from Derek Morgan and add in 28% of Spencer Reid's social awkwardness and add back in Penelope Garcia's willingness to lie to the government (pre-show) you get Shawn Spencer.

But that still leaves the question of who Garcia goes with. And where Woody Strode fits in to all of this. I'll leave that up to you, though.

[abysslll]

this fucker has killed someone hasn't he

ive tried so hard to avoid hayloft II since it came out cuz it reminds me of those angst mlp animations and you do this to me. crying /j anyways does this character has daddy and/or parental issues in general. were they not there for him

so far I'm just getting murder vibes from this guy. either he has killed or was killed (dont tell me yet. i still need to watch bsd)

self destructive coping mechanisms. or just self destructive in general i dont think this guy copes

hes a vibe. i would not want him within 100 feet of me.

fnaf vibes from drunk by the living tombstones. 10/10. this guy is a threat to society

reminds me of that one comment on here "Unrelated note I just put in my first kill order on the dark web 💖 love and light"

i like. wanna sue him but idk why

arsonist? attempted or actually did it or he wants to?

ohhhhhh he hates himself heres the mental illness i was waiting for this one. not hates himself as in self-esteem but like yk? he probably has anger issues and takes it out on other people. he sounds like a good charactert to project on

he'd be part of the food poisoning polycule

impulsive and no consideration for consequences. probably got someone killed. vague bpd vibes. why am i projecting onto a character i dont even know

^I DIDNT KILL ANYONE I DIDNT MEAN THAT BY PROJECTING IMEANT LIKE THE BPD PART– i shouldve worded that better why must backaspace not work now

final thoughts: mental illness, a threat to society, a vibe, a killer

this is really funny you got it like. Perfectly. but also wayyy to the left

he is a killer! he has killed Many people :D

i'm so sorry for submitting u to hayloft 2 😭 he doesn't have daddy issues (his parents don't exist, long story) but he DOES have a gun- i don't really have a reason for adding hayloft i just feel like i could see it playing over an amv for him lmao

he is so so so self destructive. i didn't put drunk in just for the vibes, he is A Drunk™ (and also a threat to society)

dfghjklkj i have literally never seen that comment but it works so well for him-

WHY DO YOU WANT TO SUE HIM LHGFSDFG he is an arsonist tho. not in canon but in spirit

he has anger issues so bad sdfdsghgf, also abandonment issues but we don't talk about those. he's the king of mental illness

the food poisoning wH at

you may be projecting onto him but you are So Fucking Right about the bpd and impulsiveness and getting people killed, you have summed up chuuya in one paragraph

SALEM. MURDER ASIDE WDYM YOU WROTE THIS WHOLE THING WITHOUT BACKSPACE WITH ONLY LIKE> THREE SPELLING ERRORS HOW THE ACTuAL FUCK

[bittersweetblasphemy]

My Fic OCs

I have enough of them now, so I may as well make a list for those OC ask prompts. I'll edit this post as I write more. "Appearances" links are to the AO3 posts.

Adrian [Demon] (he/him) Fallen angel and Brizeth's employee at an unnamed company on earth. Jaded and grumpy, secretly a huge nerd. 100% Sugar Daddy. Appearances: [On Earth (As It Is in Heaven)]

Commander Ahlex Redgate [human] (he/him) A Commander aboard an OSC military vessel. Space farm boy with the personality of Clark Kent. Too smart to be a Himbo. Appearances: [A Man in Uniform]

Brizeth (Bridgette) [Succubus] (she/they) Superior of both Adrian and Hector on earth. High ranking sex demon in hell. David's Master & Sugar Mommy. One Woman Bukkake. Colovan's sister. Appearances: [Deal]

Charis [human] (She/her) A potter by trade & the human wife of Lysosi & Tasha. Simps her big deified snake wives. Praise kink all day long. Appearances: [Dark Water]

Colovan (Colin) [Incubus] (he/it) Also answers to: Dumb Fuckslut/Fucktoy, Dummy, Baby Girl, and Pretty Girl. Frat-house mascot and resident outlet for sexual frustrations. Has never went to oovoo javer. Brizeth's brother. Appearances: none yet

David [human] (he/him) Brizeth's Thrall and the owner of DJ's Games & Collectables. Just kinda rolling with it at this point. Appearances: [Deal]

Gage [robot] (they/them) Cinnamon Roll with Baggage. Hypersexual bb with self-worth issues. Smol bean that deserves a big handsome boyfriend to pamper them for life. And they were roommates. Appearances: [A Man in Uniform]

Hector [Angel] (he/him) Brizeth's employee at an unnamed company on earth. Diet Tsundere. Denial isn't just a river in Egypt. Poor baby just wants to be loved. Appearances: [On Earth (As It Is in Heaven)]

Hulo [Shadow Person] (he/they) The spirit that haunts Willow's bedroom. Yandere dangerously close to being able to interact with the material plane. Appearances: [Orange Blossoms]

Lysosi [Naga/Lamia] (she/her) Beeg snek lady. Wife of Tasha and Charis. Eldest and most dominant of the three. Most likely to eat you in the fun way. All bark and no bite. Appearances: [Dark Water]

Marius [human] (he/him) Philon's boyfriend. Sex worker and loves it. A Flirt™. Loves his boyfriend very much. Would have an Animal Crossing town full of bull characters. Appearances: [Off Script]

Nicole (Nikki) [human] (she/her) Ren's girlfriend. Lady in the streets, freak in the sheets. Don't ask what her favorite kind of shark is, you will get an entire essay. Appearances: [King of the Rock]

Nina [human] (she/her) Werewolf hunter. The fun kind of sadist. Her knife & gun collection would make a Texan weep. Appearances: none yet

Philon [Minotaur] (he/him) Marius' boyfriend. Also known as Ferox. Still feels guilty over some of his kinks. Flower crowns and bloody knuckles aesthetic. Appearances: [Off Script]

Ren [Merman] (he/him) Nicole's boyfriend. Once got black-out drunk and woke up tangled in discarded nets. That one surfer guy vine incarnate. Appearances: [King of the Rock]

Tasha [Naga/Lamia] (she/her) Also beeg snek lady. Wife of Lysosi and Charis. Most likely to eat you in the Not Fun way. Will bite and you will not see it coming. Appearances: [Dark Water]

Viktor [Werewolf] (he/him) Cocky bastard who needs to get pegged taken down a peg. The dog that runs full speed into furniture and then jumps on like nothing happened. Strong silent type that'll moan like a bitch if you pull his hair. Appearances: none yet

Willow [human] (she/her) Gardener & florist. Only kind of shoes she owns are hiking boots. The friend who always has snacks and drinks. Knows how to pirate movies. Appearances: [Orange Blossoms]

[medium-kat07]

Ah yes, dream smp. The only fandom where you can find

1. A traumatized child soldier who was beat to death twice, once with bare hands and once with a potato

2. A homeless teletubby with attachment issues + control issues

3. A fishfucking zombie who is un-ironically a whore

4. A 27 ft totem god who is ALSO un-ironically a whore

5. The guy who made a country entirely based on casinos and strip clubs, and also has THE WORST TASTE IN MEN™

6. Tiny Bee boy and his 7 ft husband with memory problems

7. He's literally dying stop drinking and doin drugs it isn't helping get medical help please you're a bastard who fucked over all my favorite characters but still i'm begging for you to live

8. An alien who will snitch on a bitch for a dollar

9. A furry with daddy issues who has done so much more in the plot and yet everyone still thinks of him as "the furry with daddy issues"

10. A giant bird man who simply could not give two fucks about his kids but gives at least one fuck maybe probably hopefully

11. Warrior/mom/therapist/gf/milf/sheep

12. Bisexual king who nobody likes but everyone secretly does like because look at this man have you heard his VOICE-

13. A ball of slime with a gambling addiction that thinks snow is cocaine

14. A demon who laid an egg

15. A diamond block, please do not steal

16. 3d glasses who crawled out of hell to kill a child

17. Ex-pacifist who will help kill the child

18. Mushroom king who is baby and he know it. Scary dog privileges, pretty privileges, god's favorite. Could kill you and everything you love not with his bare hands but because he told god "Please?" And batted his eyelashes

19. WHAT DO YOU HAVE AGAINST PETS?? WHY????

20. A pig. Could snap you like a twig. Suceptible to peer pressure. A pig. Hears voices. Blood god. Rich as fuck. A pig

21. A prison warden who can't get over his ex please get over him we're begging you this is so bad, you cut off his arm please just forget him

22. Ex™ who wears a mask (but in a better way than every other person on the server who wears a mask) and Oh My God he cut off your arm just leave him already NO STOP LIKING HIM HE CUT OFF YOUR FUCKING ARM WHY

23. Sonic the hedgehog

24. She like-a da garden. Rose lady.

25. God

26. Time traveler cinnamon roll who can't remember why he has rings on his fingers (yes I said it shh)

27. Hitman™. Pay him more or he'll fuck you over

28. Siamese cat with almost no relevance

29. *mexican music plays*

30. The canon grim reaper is really pretty wow

31. A plot that could be solved if everyone just TALKED ABOUT THEIR PROBLEMS PLEASE I BEG

[ur-typical-nerd]

I’ve finally decided to post some my Club Penguin OCs! Since I have far too many to put in one post, I’m gonna start out with my main three (who, by the way, are gonna be the protags of a story I’m working on!) and one of my favorite villains!

MARCY

-Pink Penguin with red, curly hair. Generally wears comfy, slightly sporty clothes

-Feral Chaotic Good

-Pansexual

-Ace Agent and bane of Herbert’s existence

-Has ADHD. She’s rather impulsive and as a hard time focusing.

-Dating EPF medic Penny

-Raised by her mom, dad left them when she was young. This left her with Daddy Issues™

-(She eventually gets a better father figure in Gary)

-Is actually Roofhowse’s half sister on their father’s side! Neither of them are aware of this yet.

-Perfectly willing to bite. Herbert learned this the hard way

-Owns two puffles named Charcoal (black) and Snowball (white) whom she considers her babies

-Banned from having coffee ever

-Loves cheese. A lot. Like, a lot. She often gets banned from using the Pizzatron 3000 because she eats the cheese straight out of the bin.

-Shortest and youngest of the agents

PENNY

-Yellow penguin with fluffy brown hair. Tends to wear cottagecore clothing

-Lesbian

-EPF Medic

-Dating Ace Agent Marcie

-Has two fathers, one of whom is a doctor

-Autistic, with a special interest in medicine! She used to read her dad’s medical textbooks whenever she got her flippers on them.

-Literally the sweetest thing ever

-Will help you with anything you need if you ask (or forcibly help you if you’re too stubborn/shy to ask)

-One time she and Marcie were brought to Herbert’s base by a panicked Klutzy because they were worried for a sick Herbert. When Herbert tried to be evil, Penny straight up went “nope, we‘re not doing this today, you’re too sick. Now drink your tea and get some rest.”

-Sews plushies in her free time

-Doesn’t own any puffles yet, but she does foster!

-The brain cell for Marcie and Avalanche

-Also, I like to think she and Penny Gwen (one of @fullmoonfireball ’s aces) would be friends. They could be Same-Name buddies!

AVALANCHE (Real name Elliot)

-Light blue penguin with messy black hair. Practically lives in his hockey jersey

-Gay

-Tactical Agent

-Muscular himbo

-Has two moms, one being a retired flipperball player and the other a referee

-Has ADHD and mild dyslexia

-Hates it when people consider/call him dumb because of this

-Carries his friends when they’re too tired to walk

-Owns a Rainbow Puffle named Morris. However, his full title is Morris, Prince of The Gays

-Avalanche himself is the semi-official King of The Gays

-Got his nickname from a teammate he may or may not have had a crush on

-Can lift, like, half his coworkers

DEVON

-Arctic fox

-Smug little jerk

-Actually a teenager! The EPF and Herbert don’t know this

-Less “national threat” and more “local troublemaker who occasionally causes major problems”

-Questioning his sexuality

-Washed up on the beach and decided to cause exclusively problems

-Mostly pranks and harasses penguins, with some vandalism and larceny thrown in the mix

-Herbert hates this kid. Devon knows this, and that’s why the bear is one of his favorite targets for pranks.

-Regularly breaks into igloos to steal snacks and set up pranks

-He tried to do this to Herbert once. He ended up getting chased out.

-Terrifyingly stealthy and quick

-The EPF doesn’t really see him as a major threat

-Would probably get along with Bijou (The EPF’s Recycling Bin’s collective OC) to some degree

[megafreeman]

Saints Row male characters as type of men I encountered on Grindr

Johnny Gat: taps you to show he’s interested in you, then never responds when you send him a message

Pierce Washington: Has a “only normal please” in bio, but sends you constant “hey”s despite being ignored and told you aren’t interested. Like one hey every week. He finally stops and you think he got the message, just to send you a “hey” 2 months later. 

Julius Little: Trump supporter gay who thinks being one is harder than being gay. Left his long term relationship because they weren’t a Trump supporter. Mostly preying on guys in early 20s despite being double their age

Troy Bradshaw: Super secretive straight passing guy that’s very clear about looking for only straight passing guys for a discreet relationship. Acts like he’s being hunted by FBI

Dex: Blank profile, you see a notification and get scared what he sent you. Could be a nude, could be a selfie, could be a hey. Depends how he felt at the time

Carlos Mendoza: Too pure for Grindr, too trusting. Got hurt too many times by the assholes on the app that he struggles trusting anyone on it at first. Send him a face pic and he’ll give you his home address. Says he’s verse but never topped a guy

Oleg: online once a week, usually spends 5 hours on the app and then disappears for a whole week, the only way to keep in touch is adding him on WhatsApp

Josh Birk: hookup gay who’s a top who’s looking for another top for some reason so yall can 69 or something???

Angel: seems like a normal guy at first but has no personality, will never be interested in anything about you, but will have no problem giving out his personal information. Looking only for guys who take working out seriously

Zimos: Same as Julius, only for some reason a die hard Biden supporter. Will offer to pay you for sex, but almost never show his face

Matt Miller: fem kid who starts a normal convo with you, but escalates and turns it sexual very quickly... uncomfortable sexual... 

CID: is literally a bot with a fake pfp that offers you a $2000 salary a month through PayPal to be his sugar baby

Joseph Price: would put his dick in anyone, always down to fuck, but nothing more due to his commitment issues. surprisingly, despite coming with an intention to stick it in you, he will still respect your boundaries

William Sharp: offers to pay you to come to his place and let him to whatever he wants to you

Donnie: doesn’t use Grindr because of the racism on it, prefers Tinder

Angelo Lopez: similar to Joseph, except he will call you a slur if he wants. he doesn’t give a shit. fuck you, you’re beneath him

Hector Lopez: sugar daddy looking for sugar baby

Benjamin King: doesn’t put his age in bio, is very respectful and nice, just to reveal after 2 weeks of meaningful conversation that he’s double your age

Warren Williams: same as Sharp, except he’s less subtle about it and doesn’t know what he’s doing. will probably end up physically hurting you with his inexperience

Big Tony: doesn’t use grindr, is straight and homophobic

Richard Hughes: powerful and closeted homosexual who uses grindr to cheat on his wife of 40 years

Veteran Child: arrogant kid, starts the convo by asking you if you want to suck his 9 inch dick (its 5 inches in reality)

Mr Sunshine: has a huge toy collection that he proudly displays on his profile

The General: is in a relationship, doesn’t use grindr but adds random gay guys from grindr on Instagram he somehow tracks down

Maero & Jessica: couple, looking for a Third™

Matt Feed Dogs: The Third™

Jyunichi: silent lurker, you can message him based on his very detailed profile, but no use, he’ll reply to 4 messages, decide he hates you and stop responding

Shogo: rich kid with his rich toys (car keys, watch, vape pens, expensive shirt brands) as a profile pic, send you nudes instantly (both a dick pic and an ass shot, verse king) and is extremely picky with his guys

Kazuo: homophobic

Dane Vogel: rich and successful guy that’s looking for someone that will use all of his bondage toys on him

Phillipe Loren: same, but wants to use his toys on you

Killbane: “no fats, fems and asian”

[irelandseyeonmythology]

Now, you might be saying to yourself "Surely, the bitch has learned the vital lesson from the Sentient Four Treasures book and has given up."

...unfortunately, all I learned is that I need to read more Irish mythology-inspired books, but I decided to take a break from romance and delve into the world of the occult, with the help of Buffy the Vampire Slayer.

So, while I was searching for an old ff.net story where Bres is trying to bring back Balor and...I think he tries to sacrifice Buffy at some point (?) and definitely had a thing for the Lady of the Lake before he killed her, I came across THIS. An actual, licensed novel. Set in the world of Buffy, the Vampire Slayer, shortly after Buffy's return from the dead.

And this novel has everything.

Implied Spuffy Bondage.

An evil leprechaun trying to fuck Willow.

Badly written out Cockney accents.

Bad written out Irish accents.

Human sacrifices.

Tuatha Dé VS Fomoire drama.

Jack the Ripper trying to bring back Balor.

Pseudo-AU-Bres BEING Jack the Ripper. (He's not called Bres, he's called the very Irish name of Thak...but he's totally Bres. If Bres was ugly and had mommy issues on top of his daddy issues.)

It's like someone read my mind close to twenty years ago and created a novel specifically geared to two of my niche interests (it's a relatively little known fact that I've been quietly doing research on the Whitechapel Murders since I was twelve -- never in large doses because it gets to be a little overwhelming.)

And...here's the thing....the writing style is GOOD. Or, at least, not as bad as what I'm used to. It's not, say, Toni Morrison, but it does its job. Everything flows together nicely, there's some genuine bits of haunting imagery in there, the characters are well-done. I found myself really feeling for the Slayer Elizabeth in the Victorian arc, even though we got to know her briefly. There are times when things are either not explained or under-explained, but I can still tell that this is a professional, polished work. It has almost NOTHING to do with the actual myths, but that's partially why I can forgive it a lot. Nemain is Balor's consort (poor Cethlenn), but....that's a normal amount of batshittery. It can't top "Tailtiu is a dragon" for me, I'm sorry.

The names are. Hm.

-Besides Thak, we have the Tuatha Dé king, Banshee. (It would have been. So easy. To NOT do this. Even in the early 2000s.)

- Flinn the leprechaun.

-MacNair. As a given name, not as a surname.

- The Season of Osiris being the scary time when the sacrifices must be made for Balor to re-enter the mortal world. (Yes. Osiris.) It would have been. So easy. To just do what every other dime store novelist does and use Samhain, but I have to appreciate the innovation.

-The following ancient Irish spell (Little known fact: All Celticists are required to take an extended study in Ancient Irish Curses. Not medieval. Ancient):

As you can see, it looks suspiciously Lovecraftian.

-Have I mentioned the accents?

...this.

I realized, when I nearly did a fist pump when King Banshee™ lost his hand, that working on CMT for as long as I have has kind of. Ruined me.

Oh my God....it's Bres the Ripper....and he has....VANTABLACK. (He is ultimately defeated by Anish Kapoor wielding a steel chair.)

The story is a little grimdark for my tastes -- Personally I enjoyed the psychological horror aspect of the Ripper's fog causing everyone to become terrified and paranoid more than the loving descriptions of disemboweled bodies, which were...a little distasteful, all things considered, and over the top given everything else. It felt like the author wanted to scale everything up so that it was MORE, MORE, MORE (the Ripper needs 12 victims, even though historically he "only" killed five, maybe six women.) I've actually never watched Buffy, so I don't know how dark it actually got, but this sometimes struck me as a little more slashery/15 year old on FF.net-esque with the gore than a 1990s TV show. King Banshee™ has a throne of human skin and bones and like...I'm not saying that the Tuatha Dé wouldn't for MORAL reasons (Never forget Midir demanding a sacrifice of puppies and kittens in Tochmarc Étaíne like WHAT THE FUCK MIDIR) but because..............it doesn't really suit their interior design. Like, that would clash with the whole "glorious halls fit for a king" vibe they have going. It strikes me as being extra just for the sake of being extra, to establish that ACTUALLY these guys are creepy, when there are subtler ways you could do that.

I feel like the thing that it actually does RIGHT when it comes to medieval literature, and that I'm fairly certain it did accidentally, is in the way that the Tuatha Dé are treated, where they're beautiful, described as being like Legolas from LOTR, but distinctly Off, and still harboring a deep hatred for humans. This is pretty much exactly what you generally see in medieval sources, with the Tuatha Dé being none too happy about losing Ireland to the sons of Míl. The druidical sacrifices are mentioned, early on, as being a way to placate the Tuatha Dé, which again...seems like a relatively decent explanation, given that one of the few examples of human sacrifice actually described in a medieval or early modern Irish text, Echtra Airt meic Cuinn, does feature a human sacrifice in response to a blight in the land. (That is to say, sacrifices were not necessarily for a positive result, but for undoing a negative, if that makes any sense, via placation. Though we do have some examples given by the Romans of seeking a positive result, such as curing an illness via human sacrifice in the hope of one life being restored via the sacrifice of another.) I feel like ultimately, the thing that this does REFRESHINGLY, and the thing that redeems it, is that the Tuatha Dé are very much presented as just as much a threat as the Fomoire.

I also thought that them living beneath a cemetery which, again, might have been accidental, is actually a really nice equivalent to the síde. Again, possibly (probably?) accidental, but it was enough to make me happy.