#he really is these kids' fun queer uncle

[fruitface]

boorman, the original tanthamore shipper

[ticklishraspberries]

Ren Faire (Eddie/Steve)

Summary: Steve, Eddie, and Robin go to a Renaissance Fair and see some interesting demonstrations. (This fic is for my lovely friend @gigglyrambles!! I literally just pulled this whole plot out of my ass and wrote it in one sitting, so I really hope you like it, LOL. Also, shoutout to @wordstrings because I know she has written something similar for Our Flag Means Death, I hope you don't mind me taking inspiration!!)

Steve isn’t sure how he ended up being dragged along to a Renaissance Fair with none other than Robin and Eddie, but he found it hard to say no to either of their puppy dog eyes and incessant begging.

His outfit is simple, consisting of a white, long-sleeved shirt with laces at the neckline, tight brown pants, and brown boots. He feels only a little bit ridiculous, but after seeing what his friends are wearing, he supposes he isn’t the weirdest looking one.

Eddie is decked out in black, an intricately detailed top with ruffles and buttons. A fake sword sits in a holder on his waist. Robin has gone for a more masculine look, a cloak over her shoulders and a bow and arrow in her hand.

“Screw historical accuracy,” she’d said.

“The fact that you’re a girl isn’t the problem, it’s that you couldn’t hit a moving target with an arrow to save your life,” Eddie had teased, and Robin had elbowed him in the ribs, making Steve laugh.

Now that they’ve arrived, Steve has relaxed a bit. He used to feel out of place whenever he attended events that he wouldn’t have been caught dead at in high school. Corroded Coffin concerts, DnD campaigns, and that one time he drove Eddie and Robin to the nearest gay bar in Indiana. It had definitely been more awkward sober, and before he realized that he’s bisexual, and could have totally had more fun if he’d been aware of and okay with that information at the time.

He’s sort of glad he wasn’t, though, because kissing Eddie Munson during a childish game of truth or dare was a much funnier way to have your queer awakening, and dating Eddie Munson is way more fun than hooking up with random guys in a bar.

“They have really good beer here,” Eddie comments, to which Steve holds up his car keys and jingles them. No medieval mead is going to keep him from being the designated driver.

“I can drive us home,” Robin says, absolutely joking, but Steve still gives her a horrified look and makes a show of sliding his keys back into his pocket, patting the denim for safe keeping. She sticks her tongue out at him, and he flicks her cheek.

Eddie does end up getting some beer, and Steve allows himself a few sips. They’ll be here for at least a few hours, he’ll surely sober up by then. He also samples the gigantic turkey leg that Eddie gets, and Robin wrinkles her nose in disgust at the messy nature of the food.

As they walk around, Steve finds himself getting into the spirit more than he had expected. They eat, watch musical performances, and shop at the little stalls set up by various vendors. Eddie buys a few rings for himself, and buys a handmade mug for Uncle Wayne. Robin indulges in candles and soaps, and even dares to see a fortune teller.

“She said that I’ll meet my future husband soon,” she says, giggling. “Clearly she’s a fraud, or she’d know I’m not interested.”

When Robin runs off to find a bathroom, somehow, Eddie and Steve end up standing around a demonstration about medieval punishments and torture, which Steve expects to be gruesome, and quickly finds he would rather hear gritty, gorey details than stand her and watch this happen.

A pretty girl, probably around their age, is locked into a pair of wooden stocks, and—

“You’ve gotta be kidding me,” Steve mutters, pinching the bridge of his nose between his fingers.

Eddie looks absolutely delighted as he leans in close. “What’s wrong, Stevie? The demonstration isn’t bothering you, is it?” he asks. His cheeks are flushed, too. A few months ago, Eddie would probably be the one stuttering and staring at the ground right now, but ever since he introduced this little world to Steve, he’s gained a confidence about it that only comes out when he gets to tease Steve into oblivion.

“Shut up.”

“You shut up, I’m trying to watch. Maybe I can get some pointers from these guys.”

‘These guys’ refers to the two men who have started tickling the girl’s trapped feet, and frantic giggles fill the air and make Steve’s stomach flip.

“Oh, she’s handling this better than you would,” Eddie continues to tease. “I’d already be called every insult under the sun if you couldn’t kick me instead.”

“I will kick you right now,” Steve threatens. It’s a complete lie. He’s frozen to the spot on the grass, torn between watching and focusing on the grass. Everyone else in the crowd is behaving like this is so normal, no big deal, just a silly show.

One of the men has moved behind the girl to tickle her ribs, her arms secured above her head. Steve crosses his arms over his chest, subconsciously protecting his own sensitive spots, like just watching her could tickle him, too.

“You love that spot,” Eddie coos. “You make the cutest sounds when I tickle you there.”

“I’m gonna fuckin’ kill you,” Steve grits out.

“Sure you will, sweetheart. Can it wait ‘til after I’ve made you cry real pretty for me?”

Just then, Robin appears at his side. “This looks like my worst nightmare,” she says. “I hope this girl is getting paid well.”

Steve makes a noise of agreement, but can’t bring himself to look over. Eddie Munson is going to be the fucking death of him. Thankfully, Robin is immediately bored of the display and drags them off to explore. Eddie subtly gives Steve’s side a quick pinch as he walks past him, and Steve suddenly can’t wait to go home.

***

“You are a fucking menace,” Steve accuses the moment they’ve made it through the door.

His parents aren’t home, Robin was dropped off back at her house, and now, Steve is alone with Eddie for the first time all day, and he refuses to voice how excited he is for whatever Eddie’s got planned.

But Eddie just grins, tugging off the more elaborate pieces of his costume, leaving himself in socks, boxers, and a white t-shirt. He makes his way to the kitchen, comes back with two cans of beer, sits on the couch like he isn’t ignoring the clear tension in the room.

Steve gapes at him for a minute before joining him on the couch, kicking off his boots and taking a beer as well. Maybe Eddie’s changed his mind…Maybe he just isn’t the mood, and Steve isn’t going to pressure him into anything.

But…Well, he has a sneaking suspicion that isn’t the case at all.

“If you’re waiting for me to ask, it’s not gonna happen,” he says.

“Ask for what?” Eddie tilts his head curiously, but there’s a glint in his eye that proves Steve’s theory.

“Nothing,” Steve replies, playing along. “All that talk back there just made me think you had a plan for when we got home. But if you’re not interested, that’s fine too.”

“Did you want me to have a plan?”

Steve huffs. “Maybe. But if you don’t, then let’s forget about it.”

“Oh, c’mon baby,” Eddie says, throwing an arm around Steve’s shoulders and pulling him close. “All you’ve gotta do is ask if you want it so bad.”

His cheeks burn. Stubborn as ever, he shakes his head.

Eddie sighs with exaggerated disappointment. “If you insist. I guess I’ll just keep my hands to myself tonight…”

“Good,” Steve says, and turns the television on.

It takes two beers and a stupid scene in a film to break him. It’s a quick, barely there tickle, but the character’s laugh makes Steve perk up like a dog hearing a doorbell ring.

“Fine,” he says.

“What’s fine?” Eddie asks.

“Just fucking tickle me, you dick.”

Eddie grins and wastes no time, lunging across the couch and pinning Steve to the cushions.

“I knew you’d crack eventually, sweetheart,” he teases. “Sorry we don’t have quite the same set up, but I’ll hold you down real nice, okay?”

Steve is already grinning. He can’t help it, he’s so lovestruck by his boyfriend and desperate to laugh his head off. And laugh he does when Eddie goes straight for his ribs, scratching at the dips between each little bone.

“There’s that pretty sound,” he says, pressing a kiss to Steve’s jaw that is both sweet and ticklish under the current circumstance.

The stupid shirt with the laces is pulled over his head and discarded on the floor, and Eddie pins Steve’s wrists and tells him to stay still before exploring each ticklish spot on his torso, making him shriek and cackle and snort like a fool.

He doesn’t stay still for very long, arms shooting down to his sides when Eddie attacks his belly with blunt fingernails, and Eddie scolds him but doesn’t stop.

As he squirms on the couch, giggling like mad, he wonders if they sell some of those bondage contraptions there. He thinks that they should go back to the Ren Faire sometime. 

[fullyinconsequential]

Here’s a 3am Steddie rant I think every Steddie lover (and possibly hater) should hear. I have no goal to convert anyone—just to say that the ship did not actually “come from nothing.” Here’s why:

I don’t understand how there wasn’t Steddie foresight in the writer’s room.

So they play it up in season 3 like Steve just can’t get the girl and when he does she’s not the right girl and yada yada yada—cool beans. I love his character arc with Robin, their friendship, her queerness. I love their entire bathroom interaction.

Specifically: “It’s somebody that I didn’t even talk to in school. Maybe cuz Tommy H. would’ve made fun of me, or I wouldn’t be prom king…. First of all, she’s hilarious. So funny. I feel like this summer I have laughed harder than I have laughed in a really long time. And she’s smart—way smarter than me…. She’s honestly unlike anyone I’ve ever met before.”

Traits Robin Also Has that Eddie Shares:

Outcast

Band Kid

The Witty Banter

Eddie’s personality is VERY Robin. Not perfectly so, but maddeningly close.

Another point:

This is just the same person in different gender specific fonts, A.K.A. Steve’s “love interest” versus a guy who called him “big boy” completely unprompted and interrupted a tender moment between him and his “love interest” and complimented him for an entire scene while Steve wore his clothes.

So, really, one of them’s Steve’s love interest and the other is Nancy Wheeler /hj.

I write a lot, and as someone who both writes and consumes an abhorrent amount of media, whoever wrote this down, casted and costumed this way, and allowed for the interactions between Steve and Eddie to be as nuanced as they were (EX: the scene in which Eddie steps forward like he has more to say to Steve before he goes off and kills himself) had to have known what was going to happen. There is simply no way of not seeing it.

And if they didn’t want people shipping Steddie at the scale which they do, here’s what went wrong:

First: defaulting to Steve wanting his ex back is just plain shitty writing. It means you don’t know where to go with the character anymore, and since you’re certain he’s done all the growing he can do, he’s just gonna double back to the conflict he was in in the FIRST SEASON.

Are you serious right now, bro?

Steve’s arc as a character has been absolutely heartwarming to watch. If anything, he’d have been better off given the “I need to figure out how to be happy on my own” narrative. Throwing him back at Nancy is a cop out, a big one.

Second: Eddie. Throwing Eddie in the mix was absolutely a WILD decision, because he looks like Nancy, he banters like Robin, and GENDER IS NO LONGER A PLAUSIBLE REASON FOR AN AUDIENCE TO DENY CHEMISTRY, OR EXPLAIN IT AWAY. Not in the year of our lord 2023, no sir. Not unless you’re going to explicitly state in some way to an audience that these characters are DEFINITIVELY STRAIGHT. And with Eddie, they went as far off that course as possible.

The outcast stuff. The D&D stuff. The hatred of the system. The mysteriously living with his uncle and not his parents. THE HANKERCHIEF IN HIS BACK POCKET.

So essentially, this is what they did:

They took a beloved character, flubbed over his character arc because they weren’t sure what to do with it.

Then, they created a SECOND beloved character, made him likable, lovable, even, and relatable. Then they gave him half and half personality and looks of Steve’s last two love interests. Then they gave us scenes of them together where they showed chemistry, genuineness, and playfulness.

Then they EXPECTED that we as an audience had enough heteronormativity left as a society to say—oh, those two guys aren’t flirting with each other even a little bit because they’re two guys and obviously that doesn’t happen.

WHEN IN THE SAME SEASON WE WATCHED WILL AND ROBIN GO GAY PANIC AND DESPAIR LIKE?????

Pick a side pick a side, are your characters fucking gay or is your audience fucking blind?

Point being, I have some friends IRL who don’t really get this. They think Steve and Eddie hardly interacted enough for there to be romance at all, but I think it’s less about how much they interacted and more about the (unintentional) set up they were given by the writers.

Steve’s a truly beloved character and I don’t know on ST fan that wants to see him just end up back with Nancy Wheeler like his entire character arc was just to “get the girl” and “have six kids.” Which he already has by the way.

Anyway, that’s just my two cents. I’m not advocating for anyone to ship them, I’m just saying it’s honestly a perfectly logical conclusion to make, especially if you CARE about Steve as a character, you know? We want him to be with someone genuine, someone who challenges him to be better, to be different than he was. Nancy couldn’t handle doing that. Robin could, but they’re platonic af.

So why wouldn’t it be Eddie?

Rest in peace, by the way. You would’ve loved this text post.

[crushedsweets]

Got any cool hip creepypasta headcanons?!?😱😱

DEPENDS... its hard without any specific prompts but yk what anon im capable of talking out of my ass no matter what.

this'll be talking about the main 12 i usually talk about, so if i say smth like 'so and so is the ONLY one who does this', they aren't actually the only one

toby rides a bike everywhere. he just steals random ones if he sees one he likes or knows hes hella far from home and doesnt wanna walk. brought home a pink beach cruiser once and natalie laughed her ass off. . .

the proxies (tim, brian, toby) have a cabin that tim and brian treat more like a safehouse rather than a home. tim and brian share an apartment near the city though. toby is the only one who lives there full time. they all have to pitch in for the bills, but toby has to scramble to get the majority bc again.. lives there full time.

the cabin only has 2 bedrooms, 1.5 baths, a connected kitchen/living room, and an attic. the small bedroom is filled to the fucking BRIM with random bullshit that they keep as storage but its just ridicoulous. like boxes filled with random shit toby steals (i kinda hc toby as a kleptomaniac too), tables, dressers, clothes, etc. a lot of it is also stuff that like, jeff or nat dropped off being like 'keep this safe for me' and it eventually just devolved into a storage room. the master bedroom is where tim or brian sleep IF they are at the cabin. toby made the attic his bedroom, but he falls asleep on the couch or in the master bedroom if the other two aren't home. he just likes that the attic is someplace nobody else really wants to go cuz.. why would they need to?

tim owns a busted rusty reddish colored pickup truck. he totally named it something like sheila and calls it a 'she.' brian prob just has a basic little grey honda. does not name it . .

natalie has huge issues w her gender. not in a queer way(well sort of in a queer way bc im projecting) but in a like. 'fuck this shit im fucking tired' because growing up, she was always a daughter, sister, niece, etc before she was her own person. she grew up in a house of men, and her extended family was largely ran by shitty, loud, sexist men that constantly ostracized her for being a girl. toby is legit the only dude she's fully like Ok. I'm ok with u. ur just fucking stupid. and she pokes fun at him being a mamas boy and says thats why shes ok with him. she stopped talking to him for like a month the one time he made a gender roles comment that he got from his dad.

natalie used to play volleyball and basketball growing up cuz again, grew up with boys and she was always really tall (like 5'7 in 6th grade, 6ft by highschool). sports and art were her ONLY outlets, but she was always degraded and shamed by her dad and brother for art. her dad loved that she played sports though, one of the only things he was supportive about . until she got a little older and he decided that being a tomboy wasnt as endearing on a teenage girl.

i cannot explain how close jane and her parents were. she was an only child in a upper middle class house to a lawyer and a real estate agent so she was always spoiled rotten, taken care of, always told how beautiful and smart she was. hence why losing them is the most fucking detrimental shit to ever happen to her. she literally worhsips her parents. she's wore mothers wedding dress to her own wedding. her uncle(dads brother) walked her down the aisle holding a framed photo of her dad. she almost refused to walk during her university graduation because her parents couldn't be there, despite the years worth of hardwork and dedication she put into it.

mary(janes wife) was janes bestfriend in highschool. it was one of those crazy homoerotic female friendships. they were eachothers first kiss even when they thought they were straight ("oh lets practice kiss for our future bfs!").

my idea of ben kinda combines the idea of ben the kid who drowned, and BEN the experiment to put souls into a digital afterlife. ben bought majoras mask from some creepy neighbor at a garage sale, and the neighbor had like. this completely absurd theory that he could put himself into a game or something. so he ended up tricking several kids into buying the same majoras mask cartridge, killing them after they beat the game together, and their souls DID get trapped in the cartridge but it didnt do much for his theory... WHICH MEANS that BEN is a culmination of several people, kids and teens raging from like 7-19, but the ben we know is sort of like.. the only one who escaped the cartridge (he was the last one killed and the reason the man got caught for murder)? but he was stuck in said cartridge for about like 7 years before he was 'reawoken' so traces of others souls are in him. ITS REALLY COMPLICATED it makes sense in my head but idk. he has a lot of identity issues that come packed with having his childhood stolen from him.

he's so close to sally because he relates to her on that level. while their trauma was different, being a kid taken advantage of and fucking murdered is insane. despite coming from completely different time periods (sally died in the 1900s, ben died in the 2000s), ben can only find himself truly relating to sally on an emotional level. sure, him jeff and toby can laugh and play video games and wrestle and stuff, but sally is the only one who can even begin to understand what it's like to be a dead kid.

sally and ben kinda make a lot of comments about humans and stuff LOL. most of it is in the 'you ungrateful pieces of shit you THREW AWAY YOUR LIFE' but sometimes it's something more bittersweet. 'you lived to adulthood, you have so much, you can do so much, please keep going, there's so much left for you, don't let it go' etc etc. they can sometimes be the wisest in their perspectives of life, death, mortality. but theyre both so bitter and traumatized and hurt but it that it's mostly overshadowed by envy. that's why the two of them can be so close, even if they dont really sit and like.. philosophize about life. lmfao

ben has gotten into several like police and governemnt systems and removed so many cctv footage of everyone getting in trouble, or even wiped their shit from systems. he is like the main reason none of them are in jail unironically.

jeff is the only one who truly enjoys murder. he's a sadist at heart and has a fetish for all this blood and guts. toby and natalie did have their own periods in life where they killed for relief/as a power trip(toby only ever did it under orders, natalie took some sleezy guys home from bars). the rest of them either aren't killers, or don't do it by choice (brian and tim).

i was gonna ramble about nina next but im kinda embarrassed that i just spoke so much about them BAHAHAH OK THANKS ANON

[nico-di-genova]

Trans Jaime Headcanons:

Wears hoodies and baggy clothes out of habit now. But he spent like the entirety of high school wearing hoodies, even when it was 90+ degrees outside because dysphoria is a bitch.

He got top surgery during college. It was paid for by the schools LGBTQ club using a fund that Bruce Wayne created (one of his adopted kids, Dick Grayson, is trans, so it’s a cause he’s super passionate about).

Also started T in college, but he has to ask someone to do the shot for him because he’s scared of needles. Usually it’s Bart.

When Khaji finally figures out what the conflicting data they’re receiving from his body means they offer to alter his body so it produces testosterone naturally. It’s one of the few changes he’s cool with.

First time he cut his hair was in elementary school. He did it himself, standing in front of the mirror with safety scissors and hacked at it until there were chunks in the sink. His dad was the first person to see him afterword and simply took him to the barbershop to get it cleaned up.

The second someone at church tried to say something, his mom shut that shit down. “This is mi’ hijo, Jaime. He has always been Jaime.”

The first person he tells is Uncle Rudy. This trend continues when Milagro comes out to Rudy first and he’s just like “do I give a queer vibe?”

He lets Rudy paint his nails sometimes, black on every other finger. He figures if Rudy can do it, then he can too.

They all expect nana to be a little confused at first, but surprisingly she’s the quickest to adapt to his new pronouns. She also makes him his first binder.

Jaime’s got the trans flag in his room along with the Mexican flag.

He’s so excited when he gets to shop in the boys section for the first time. Back to school shopping actually becomes fun, and he begs his mom for light-up dinosaur sketchers until she finally caves. They don’t really have the money, but Jaime had looked so freaking happy running around the store with them on, so obviously she couldn’t say no.

Alberto deadnames him exactly One time, because he’s been at the auto shop all day and he’s tired and not thinking. Jaime’s playing Pokémon in the living room and it’s just bordering on too loud so he tells him to turn it down before he’s realized the wrong name has slipped out. The hurt look on Jaime’s face is enough to ensure he never does it again.

Milagro was young enough when he first started going by Jaime that she doesn’t even remember his deadname. Someone at church asks her how (deadname) is doing one time and Milagro is like ??? Who tf???? I do not know them.

His family tries to be so supportive at first that it becomes kind of comedic. They buy him every blue thing they come across. Bed sheets? Blue. Socks? Blue. Folders for school? Blue. Snacks for his lunch? Blue packaging. Jaime feels like the Mexican Percy Jackson sometimes.

[sudzie-void]

3 AM ramblings, explaining all the LOA Icebound characters vibes using my tired ADHD brain:

🐝Queenie🐝 - Queenie is the embodiment of friend or foe but she takes it to one step further of you will be my friend or you will perish. I would rather be on the friend side because she would never let me feel bad about myself, makes a mean carrot cake, and is probably the best snuggler on the team. Queenie is also seemingly unaffected by hangovers, she's just like that all the time and it is great.

🦈Barnabos🦈 - Barnabos is that one really weird but really cool uncle that is ungodly amounts of rich for no reason. He lets you get away with all the shit your parents would disapprove of and then yells at your parents when they yell at you. He teaches you how to do shots, teaches you how to cook, takes you to get your first tattoo, and is the only relative to give you a Christmas gift that is something you actually want. He is also the person you take with you to pride parades and knows way too much about the queer community for you to not raise an eyebrow.

🥃Skrimm🥃 - He's pathetic and I love him. I want to ring him out like a wet dish towel then slap him against the edge of my sink, and only ever use him out of all my dish towels cause he's the favorite. His dog is nightmare baby, and he fights with Barnabos like an old lady fights with her husband, he truly is an overly ripe fruit.

🌸Taishen🌸 - He's a baby. I don't care about how old he is, he is a baby. He does not know much and that is alright, because me too buddy.

❄Jornir❄ - father. As in this man is a single father to 5 kids, goes to church on Sundays, and makes you soup when you're sick. He's not the best but he's trying his best and that's damn good enough. He also gives the best dad bear hugs, Queenie you hug for fun, Jornir you hug when you're sad. It's the type of hug that squeezes all the sadness out of you along with all the oxygen. Rhe test results are in, Jornir is the father.

(I put these last two at the end to avoid spoilers)

🌼Daisy🌼 - Daisy is the best friend not everyone deserves, but everyone needs. She knows all the hottest gossip, and will tell you all of it. I want to have a sleepover with her so badly because it would be the best shit talking session of my life. She would also drag you to McDonald's at 2 AM if you said one remotely bad thing about yourself and you would come back with a new tattoo, a mystery bruise, and 3 new numbers in your phone. We all need a friend like Daisy.

🧪Ket🧪 - This man has handcuffed himself to the group and swallowed the key. Nobody really wants him there but he's kinda insisting on going with the group and it is making everyone uncomfortable. He did alright in the play, his backstory is very tragic, I like his accent, and I'm sure he'll grow on everyone, but right now the vibes are off. He has a pretty cool sword though so he may stay.

[dirtytransmasc]

How do you HC spider as a father how do tonowari Ronal interact with their grandchildren

Do tonowari Jake quratich compete to see who's the best grandpa

Is Ronal like the smothering type grandmother

How tisyra aonung lo'ak Kiri tuk all react to be uncles and aunts interact with their nephews or niece

spider is one of the best dads you could imagine; he's got a damn good blue print. he had tonowari and quaritch (who was a really good dad once he broke out of the RDA's grip), who were arguably the best dads the world had ever seen.

he has the 'throw the kid in the pool and let them learn to swim' type energy, but he jumps in with the, so to speak. he never once abandons his kids, he is with them for every aspect of their life, but he teaches them the skills they need to survive. he's not a helicopter parent, but he is never distant.

his children are his everything, his purpose, so, of course, he shows them off, every achievement is celebrated, no matter how big or small. he teaches them everything they need to know about life, and he makes sure they never, ever, feel like he or his sully siblings felt (sorry jake, but we're acknowledging your flawed parenting). they will never feel alone, never feel the need to be the very best, never feel like a burden or freak, never feel like they aren't good enough. he will fight and die to keep his kids happy, safe, and innocent; and god forbid anyone robs his kids of that, he will make them pay.

he takes pride in raising his kids na'vi, makes sure they are proud of who they are, no matter how many fingers they have or what anyone has to say about them. he makes sure they feel love no matter how he comes about having them (whether they are his biologically or not, cause we stan queer spider in this household, but we also stan spider adopting kids just because he knows what its like)

now ronal and tonowari are the ultimate grandparents, they love taking all the kids for a few days (spider has a big family, its canon in my mind), and they are the best 'second' parents. the kids all look up at them, gather around to hear their stories, to learn from them. ronal loves her grandkids so much, she's always carrying one around, making something knew for them, filling them with food (she gets scary when it comes to feeding her grandbabies). tonowari takes all the little ones out on the ilu's, tells them all of the important stories of their people. they're the sweetest, most stock picture-esque, wholesome grandparents.

then theres jake and quaritch...

lets just say they're fighting dirty in the mud over who's the better grandparent (its quaritch, he has a natural affinity for little kids and they all love him. jake tries too hard)

neytiri is like the wise grandmother they all go to for advice.

lo'ak and ao'nung are the fun uncles; lo'ak is the mighty of Payakan the outcast, son of the great Toruk Makto. Ao'nung is the son of one of the greatest Metkayina chiefs, and their favorite grandpa. if the kids are looking for a good time, they go to either of the boys, who will no doubt spare them any lessons, and give them a wild time (his brothers are about to give spider a fucking heart attack, have neither of them outgrown their frankly horrifyingly dangerous childhood ways. he needs them to be more careful with his children for Eywa's sake).

tsireya is a doting aunt, she loves her little neices and nephews. she's definitely a lot more civil then her brother and mate, normally taking the more academic approach, while remaining fun; she takes them out in to the reef and teaches them the names of all the creature, their place in the world (are they predator or prey, where they stand in the food chain relative to the na'vi, etc.), how to craft, and such.

kiri is somehow like both the boys and tsireya. she's like a wine aunt, some days you get a very cross woman who will spitefully teach you a thing or two (lovingly of course) and the next she's got a sly smile and the words 'you wanna have some fun' coming off her lips.

tuk isn't necessarily close to the kids age by the time they come round, but she isn't far from it either, she's just like a big kid for them to play with.

but all fo the aunts and uncles, take it with great grace, family is everything to the lot of them. they protect those kids with their lives and aid in spider's goal of raising them to be good, prepared, but happy innocent people.

[monorayjak]

I... it's getting hard to live like this. Hiding who I am to so many people. It hurts. I wrote a thing earlier today and I felt I summed up the feeling pretty well I think, reworded a bit to sound better:

"It feels like torturous self harm to be fully aware of who I am and yet imprison myself in a fortress of a false identity that's slowly caving in around me."

What I'm getting at here... I think... I think it might be time for me to come out to some people...and I really need some advice.

As of now, only four people IRL know about me, that's my therapist, my cousin (who was genuinely more like a sister to me), a friend at college (I knew they were extremely supportive and they had no connection to other people I know, so it seemed like a safe bet to tell her (I was right)), a friend I interacted with occasionally in high school who has since come out as trans herself (actually what got me to message her, saw her online and wanted to ask so I didn't misgender her or anything, and we got talking and I quickly realized she'd understand.)

At the moment, I'm still living with my mom, which is fine, I know she'll support me in her own way (she's queer herself, she has internalized issues, but she tries). I know my university I go to, despite having once been a "christian college," have opened up and been supportive of most of the students who do come out in one way or another. I know at least a few of the professors there who are absolutely trying to be supportive to everyone to the best of their abilities. My therapist knows, as mentioned before, but he is also... well, he ain't exactly a pro with gender and sexuality stuff (still a good guy, he just messes up what he's talking about here and there, like using masculine pronouns when he talks about a transwoman (largely I think its because he usually talks about them when they first started transitioning, and I don't think he thinks about gendering them correctly in reference to them coming out... if that makes any sense).

The issues... well, for one, I live in the bible belt. My extended family (who we are finally trying to cut ourselves off from now that the only think holding us together (my grandmother) is gone) lives all around me and the majority of them are.........well lets just say they really don't like my mom being gay, and one of them bullied a kid he was fostering because, in his words, "the kid's a fucking sissy!" Yeah... not a fan of that uncle. (In related news I am genuinely afraid of that man because he is very fucking clearly not mentally stable and has talked about killing himself and others before (while preaching at church!) and he is... really aggressive and has access to guns) I'm too poor to even consider leaving the state, and with... well frankly I'm a bit of a fuckup who really can't live on their own... yeah... fun times. Insurance may cover parts of things, but... honestly I don't even fucking know. Like I said, I know my mom will try to support me, but she is also... well, how do I say this? She tends to not know how to react to stuff. A large reason I don't talk about stuff with her is that she has a habit of turning it around into something about herself (not in a manipulative way, mind you. I just think she doesn't realize why it feels bad to tell her something like this and then have her break down a bit because I didn't tell her sooner or because she didn't work it out herself or anything like that). Basically, if I tell her, its either going to go one of two ways.

She reacts negatively and turns it around about herself and takes the moment to be hurt she didn't work things out or that I didn't tell her. (Literally once opened up to her when I was little (like 11?) about how much I hated myself... she said the next day she spent the entire night crying because she thought she failed... I understand what she was going for, but, honestly not something you should tell your kid who just opened up. Practically had it ingrained internally "If I feel bad, hide it. Because my mom will be devastated by it.")

She goes too supportive and expects me to be willing to open up immediately. Basically just forgetting she can't push me into being out and honest because it takes time to work up the courage.

Both of these options are... iffy. To say the least.

[bluest-planet]

Miguel O'Hara Analysis from a First Gen Latine Perspective; Crab in a Bucket.

Alright, I'm gonna start this by saying this: I am definitely not the most articulated person when it comes to explaining my thoughts. Most of this is just putting my heart on the page by relating what I saw in Miguel's behavior and just one outlook out of many layered analyses.

Anyways, here's my analysis of Miguel O'Hara and how his internalized racism and generational trauma/jealousy stands out to me, especially as a first gen mixed Latine.

Let's lay some groundwork for my perspective first! Hey, you can call me Moonie or Blue. I use it/they pronouns, proud to be queer! I'm a highschool dropout, and both of my parents were immigrants from rural and abusive families. Mexican and Salvadoran/Salvi to be clear. Have lived in poverty my entire life, and been whitewashed and forced to assimilate to keep up appearances for a good chunk of life.

I've heard bits and pieces about Miguel's comic origin, but haven't read them myself so apologies if I get some things wrong. I have seen Spiderverse 5 times so I feel like that's good enough. Anyways here's a story anecdote;

I went to Mexico not that long ago, to learn a trade from some family. Real blue collar, labor intensive, factory work. I was there for a while, and really got to marinate in what it's like to live in a country where you're not the minority anymore. I'm not targeted, I wasn't (entirely) racialized anymore. I was able to explore my family's culture more. Not that I've ever been entirely separated from it. But growing up in a white school where knowing Spanish forces you to go to English classes even though I had proved myself multiple times does something to you.

You assimilate, you're taken away from your culture. Anyone like you. It's lonely. And when you do find someone else like you, even if it's not the same country, but just latine, it's usually a fun experience to share our lives. Like a little secret between us no one else has. But as you grow and see more people, you realize how separate you are from the rest. I can't exactly relate to the latine-american experience (tm) like others do. I don't call myself Mexican or Salvi American, I don't like to. I didn't grow up that way. Ive always preferred to use the first generation. Or child of immigrants.

Miguel O'Hara is a mixed Mexican/Irish man. And from what I've seen; not all that attached to his Mexican identity either. It's made more prevalent in the movie however. He doesn't have a strong accent, he has the high cheekbones and eyes I'd recognize on a cousin. But the strong jawline and sunken face of a mixed man who's certainly not taking care of himself.

He reminds me of my cousins. Or my uncles.

He displayed a familiar rage to my own; lashing out and stressed. But it's got some sinister machismo underlaid in it. When he yells at Miles, all I see is my dad yelling at me, or myself yelling at my dad. Bc anger is the only way we knew how to communicate and express ourselves living under so much scrutiny all the damn time.

Bc yes; the spiderverse is amazingly diverse, and anyone can be the mask. But Miguel obviously doesn't really see it that way. There are exceptions. It's always come off to me how most of the maskless spiders we see have black and brown faces. And while I'm sure it's not all white. The amount of Peter Parkers. I'm sure they are the large majority. Or at least it feels like that.

Maybe he sees the spiders that aren't peters as straddling a thin line. A tenuous canonicity in a sea of Parkers. They don't break canon, but they're outliers. It just reminds me of the few black kids or brown kids I'd see in my white school. Maybe one or two in my own classes. And none of us reached out to each other often. We were left alone.

And left to be scrutinized by our white peers and teachers and school staff.

They might not say anything; but you feel that weight. That gaze on you at all times. I was lucky for being light skinned and ambiguous in my appearance. Some confused me for the few East Asian kids even. A more 'model' minority and free from more gazes able to 'pass'. Miguel is darker, but he's conventionally attractive, tall with straight hair and a sharp jawline instead of short, chubby cheeks, round face and curly hair.

I get praised for being light skinned and largely unblemished, for being skinnier than my siblings and having a more traditionally feminine fashion and hobbies. But my anger, temper, and lack of 'respect' downgrades me. My lack of education? More so.

My uncles would say;

"Well! Since you won't finish school, you might as well get a job wherever you can and support your family!"

"Yes, I'm trying my best, but I don't want to work for pennies and bad hours. A lot of places don't want to compensate me."

"How ungrateful! When we were your age, back in our day none of us were blessed to be in your position! You live in America, where you ungratefully gave up such great education and life! We were lucky to even go to elementary school! Your grandfather had us working in the fields, or fishing instead. And when we could work? We took what we could! It didn't matter if the company treated us right, paid us good, or gave us good hours, we did what we had to for the family! Your generation knows nothing of hard work!"

"But how can you have pride in that? How can you not understand how exploitative that was? Letting them work you like mules and destroy your bodies? Why did you not fight? Why would you want to suffer like that?"

"We know we were not treated right. But we have the guts to do work no one else wants to do! We're men! It's our duty to take pride in providing for the family. We break our bodies for our children and love– your parents did not do the same for you to copy our hardships. But if you won't take that opportunity given to you– then you'll face the consequences and learn your place. The companies will never treat us better; you should've been better sso you wouldn't have to face the same as us."

"So you agree? They won't change and they'll keep exploiting you or anyone else who doesn't exceed great expectations? That these companies are taking advantage of people as desperate as you to get away with it and shrugging off any attempts to unionize and make things better? They're enslaving our people. And you're just going to go along with it? Because that suffering makes you feel prideful, meaningful? Do you really just accept this shitty undeserving position in your life? All because you feel like you deserve it for the outcome of your life you had no control over?"

That is to say. My relatives could not understand why I do not fit their perception of America. Even in Mexico, where although they are poor and the majority; they idolize the US. They boast about working illegally in the US under exploitive companies to bring the mighty American dollar home. They scoff at the notion of unions, government aid and compensation bc they think those that live in the US and work in blue collar jobs are undeserving of the scraps we get for being undereducated or face institutional racism at every corner. Even in their position it reeks of classism. For them the US is a temporary shitty job to work in order to make themselves richer bc the dollar is worth more than the peso. They can't empathize with their struggling relatives across the border bc hey! The US, is amazing. Nevermind it's the exact reason why their own country and many others face the hardships that they do.

They don't realize the internalized racism in their pride. Feeling as if their lack of education and standing makes them only deserving of the worst jobs. That it's the only thing they can do right and are worth for. That anyone who doesn't succeed even after getting a better chance only deserves the same pain in order to uplift someone else's worth and has a chance. You become a lost cause; your only worth is a cog in the system and uphold the status quo. Never to question it, never to try to reach above your station after you missed your chance.

Like crabs in a bucket, they want to drag you down with them. Out of jealousy and misdirected anger. And for not meeting expectations. And for your own good, to learn your place.

Older relatives, and even immigrant parents often become extremely jealous of their children. For getting better lives they tried so hard to secure for them and for having the things they never had; or for not going through their own hardships. So they try to live vicariously through their children. Giving them great expectations to live up to bc they don't know how to compartmentalize all the racist trauma it took for them to get there and the real faceless enemy that put them through it. But their children have faces, their children are theirs– not people but property says America, and Catholic/Christian culture.

Immigrant parents love to pull the card of how indebted their children are to them, guilt trip them with their own pasts and current struggles. God forbid if you try to fight back and question the one authority and control they have over you.

Not all parents of course; But Miguel reflects this too me.

He may be more coded as being whitewashed and excluded from his culture. But he tries to fit in a curated collection he doesn't fit with. He puts up appearances as a strict, competent leader, but since he has an unremovable aspect to him that separates him from the rest- he wasn't bitten, he was mutated with a spider- which everyone makes clear to you.

Everyone makes it clear that you're not white, even when white culture is all you know having been so sanitized, defanged and removed from your own. That you wont ever fit in and must grovel for the rest of your life to make up for it. Even if it's all you've ever known.

Miguel is a spider, but he wasn't bitten so he's not a 'true' spider he tells himself. He's othered as well with what I interpret as unintentional microaggressions.

"He's like a ninja vampire but a good guy."

"you're just gonna have to shut up and trust me, I'm a good guy!" "You don't look like a good guy."

"You're like the only spiderman who isn't funny!"

"Dude are you sure you're even spiderman?"

-

"You're like a feisty Latina!"

"Wait, you were born here?"

"You don't look Latina!"

"Are you sure you're even Mexican if you can't speak it?"

He uses English more often, and Spanish as a quick add in. English is obviously preferred due to the fact his accent isn't all that strong and uses short repeated words or phrases.

He's violent when he first meets Miles. Throwing a trash can at him, rejecting his food, and admonishing him for something that wasn't necessarily his fault. But he does 'cool down'.

Him throwing the can reminds me of machismo, and how violent Latino men can get. It's a bad stereotype but for the movie- this struck me more as a critique of it. Enforcing some weird dominance and need to be aggressive to follow that weird expectation and allowances but also– it feels in line with who he is.

I have had more than a few rough patches being physically violent to express my anger when I couldn't win something or felt too small and had to lash out to make myself feel heard. Hitting someone, slamming doors, breaking things, yelling, and destroying things. I moved past that stage as I grew older and wasn't a child anymore. But hell. I've don't things I'm not proud of yet can't help because all my life you're told to be the model brown person. To never express rage and seem like the monster everyone is waiting for you to show. To it lies festering until you can use it behind closed doors. Latina girls aren't allowed to be visibly angry like that- and while it's expected from Latino boys, and feared when Latino men express it. Most of the time, we're not allowed to spread anger at all. Otherwise it does make us unreasonable, angry monsters.

You're not allowed to be angry or frustrated. Which only makes it worse.

I'm not excusing his actions. But his rage reminds me of my father or a relative, or even my own lashing out on a younger family member because it's so normalized to do it only to family and the young- the only excusable people to express it at without repercussions.

But then he cools down, he gets quieter, when Peter B walks in. And reminds himself of his audience and a fellow adult.

He then tried to be more rational and explains to Miles what he believes he did wrong. Tries to even relate his own trauma to convince and prep him to not put up a fight when he inevitably tells him the truth of what's to come.

"you can't ask me to just let my dad die!"

"I'm not asking."

It's a familiar emotion. When an adult, a father, a mother, an aunt, an uncle, or even a sibling tells you that something is going to happen whether you like it or not. Enforcing that will onto you for 'your own good.' Or because it's what 'has to happen."

Miguel is jealous of Miles. He got bit, he's more traditional in origin than Miguel, but he won't follow the expectations and 'bright future' he's been set up for. For 'wasting' his chance. A chance Miguel would die for. One similar to his own. As an anomaly that replaced/continued the mantle of spiderman after their original perished.

Because why would Miguel only mess with Miles now, instead of when he had a chance? If he had all this time and knew about him, why wouldn't he just cut the problem from the root earlier? Why would he let Miles live and work so hard just to restrain him for the canon even of his dad dying to pass? Why would he let Miles be this 'Original' Anomaly and run free?

Bc he knows on some level, he's spiderman too. More than he is. Miles still fulfills his position as spiderman in his verse. There's no need for Miguel to kill him or do anything other than make sure the canon still happens in that verse and then never let him escape his own world again. Nor does he likely really want to hurt/kill Miles. Honestly, it seems if Miguel had it his way from the start; Miles would have been left completely alone and isolated from ever knowing about the Spider Society at large and let him be Spiderman of his world. If he didn't know about the society he wouldn't know about the canon even and try to circumvent it and everything would have been smooth.

Bc what happens if Miguel won and kept Miles at HQ? His dad died and he's sent back to being Spiderman forever excluded from HQ? He never tries to get rid of him. And it's obvious; he never did anything to help the 42! Miles' universe beforehand either. Content to just let it be before Miles gets there. It doesn't seem like he has any plans to actually do anything about a verse missing a spiderman so long as it's not destabilizing.

He's mad that now there has to be a spiderman that took the place of one that didn't need to die; but that world still needed a spiderman Miles fulfilled. Now there's one without a spiderman too, but he can't take the spiderman from one world to the other– not when, although it's in shambles, it is still intact. He doesn't need to intervene. He just need to uphold the status quo and never question it.

He's jealous that Miles got to be a more traditional spiderman, but none of the hardship because he feels like Miles didn't do anything to deserve becoming spiderman in the first place. But if he's going to be one, then he better fit his exact mold to make it up to him. To prove he has worth in the cog. Accept the shitty hand he's been dealt and take pride in the awful like he has bc that's the only way to make him feel like he has any worth too anymore.

Miguel tried to rise above his station, he aimed for that better life. And what did it get him? Nothing. Everything was taken away from him. It was just proof by the universe telling him he did not deserve a better life than the shitty one he was dealt. He's just like my uncles, traumatized from working hard for pennies, and thinks he's deserving of it, because he wasn't educated/a traditional spiderman. And that anyone else who doesn't take the better opportunities needs to be taken down with him in shared suffering.

He sees Miles: another mixed kid, optimistic and worthy, confusingly rejecting every opportunity in the face of a little short term pain. Giving it all up bc of one small hiccup. He thinks Miles is ungrateful and greedy, wanting it all; after all he's seen what happens when you try to have it all.

In a twisted way. He thinks having his father die is the lesser evil, the smaller pain. A singular familial death is a small piece to pay for an entire stable universe and the glory spiderman brings. That by showing this reasoning to Miles, not giving him a choice and just enforcing it like he knows better than an ignorant child will save him the pain and effort. He's teaching Miles his internalized racism and trauma. Passing it down to him like it's a survival lesson. Telling him to swallow it like a bitter pill that will make him feel better. He treats Miles like getting bit was a moral failure and that he has to make up for it.

But like me to my Uncles. And Miles to Miguel, he tells him it isn't right. That thinking is wrong. This system isn't my fault. It's a bad system that needs to change so this never happens again. You don't have to suffer to succeed and survive. You don't have to accept scraps when you can reach for the full meal. You have to try for something better, no matter how hard, and fight to make things better.

Don't let sleeping dogs lie. Miguel can wallow for all Miles cares, but he isn't going to let himself lose that same fire for doing what's right and aiming for a life that he wants for himself and his friends that they actually deserve.

Elders let the status quo remain, they often feel like nothing will change, but we can't accept that otherwise nothing will actually get better, never going out of that system that beat them down. Constantly expecting the younger generation to bend to their will and experiences. Miles and Hobie make it a point to show that no, they can put up a fight and they should and shame everyone else for just accepting that false narrative blindly.

There's so much more I could get into but this is long. Like how he contradicts himself to better suit his argument and what not. I have so much to say but this was all what I've been rotating since watching the movie a ton of times. None of this even low-key touched on my issues on how he's viewed and portrayed by fans but- I hope this outlook kinda helps to humanize him? Like. Of course I know he's being unreasonable and violent/aggressive towards a kid. But at the same time, I feel like most people just see him as this angry violent person who is just on some self righteous power trip asshole instead of a complex character and TO ME- a reflection on latine elders and yet also what it's like to grow up whitewashed/undervalued and trying to bestow that trauma to a younger Latino boy as a bad way of teaching a life lesson, to assimilate him. It comes from a bad place of… not love, but just. Wanting to prepare someone for hardship and yet not questioning why he have to deal with that hardship in the first place.

Anyways good night! It's 3:30 am dear God excuse any mistakes I needed this out of my system.

[kerabinberries]

kers on tumblr? kers on tumblr

Our Ker: @getstoneddrinkwetcement (based on a vintage pin ive seen floating around here)

ton of cool vontage punk and queer stuff. anarchy posting. black and white photos of angry girls in heavy makeup. music blogger whos blog is full of spotify links (she has the hacked app) and photos of artists. a lot of jokes but not like looky or the admiral, more sardonic and jaded humor. big in the cripplepunk and madpunk communities. posts a lot of her thoughts and they dont read as very coherent at first just because of the foul informal rude and slightly jumbled way she talks but if you dig into it she really has solid opinions. shes just sooo bad at expressing them. then again some of them go completely off the rails stupid. so many vintage pins like the one she got her url from and motorcycles and weapons. she WILL give you instructions for a pipe bomb but only over dms. this ones kinda short but she knows what shes like and its reblogging the above items.

Looky: @lookywhatthecatdraggedin

she has soooo many mutuals and if you follow her your dash will be COVERED in her talking to them via asks and dms that get screenshotted and @ing eachither and reblog chains and art trades and so on and so forth. she plays up the social in social media to the extreme. her blog is almost all jokes, cool art, and stuff like educational or donation posts. she likes furries and has a ton of furry mutuals and really fun sparkledog type sonas. most of the images and art she reblogs is BRIGHTLY COLORED but she hasan eyestrain warnjng in her blog title for accessibility. she posts tons of art, and has a bunch of sideblogs. shes got a furry sideblog and is comstantly churning out really cool and cutesy digital art and occasionally a traditional doodle or two. mutuals with her actual real life dad and uncle. sends her brothers annoying anonymous asks. occasionally gets into discourse but in the most uninvolved annoying way possible, mostly to back up friends or people getting dogpiled. posts wild shit that happens to her family all the time and only occasionally exaggerates. she posts a lot of videos from when she was a little kid that would have gotten her taken away by cps if they had gotten out sooner. absolutely irresponsible tomfoolery thats only funny in retrospect because it didnt kill her.

The Admiral: @admiralawesom/e

she would absolutely post a lot of marine aesthetic stuff, just for jokesies, although she would love to have a motorboat she would not be posting navy blue stuff and anchors and tallships if she wasnt joking about her name. lots of nature photography especkally of the pacific northwest. lots of animals, lots of educational posts about nature, and so so so so sooooo many stupid fucking memes and joke posts. she makes a ton of posts and while shes no funnyman occasionally she makes just the right mix of unhinged words and just the right person sees it and she ends up with a 50k note joke post. she has a lot of mutuals and loves to message them and send them asks and tag them in stuff. frequently lies, shes singlehandedly keeping tall tales alive. she loves urban legends as well and for some reason creepypasta (you wouldnt think it.) the kind of girl to post half her medical history in her blog description. has a caard or carrd or whatever and it looks terrible. ironically? genuinely? impossible to know and she wont tell you. travels a lot and posts insane vacation photos with obi wan. she always refers to him as dad but he occasionally audibly refers to himself as her uncle in videos she posts. this causes confusion and gets her a barrage of anons. she answers one with "we argue about it all the time" and that was the end of it. everyone probably thought she was joking but its true. they have a longstanding argument on whether hes a dad or an uncle. neither of them have made any headway with the other.

Shmii: @sliveredsilve/r

she wouldn't really Get tumblr, but if someone were to set her up an account with some blogs already followed she could easily get the reblogging part. navigating tech is second nature, but social stuff? finding things online? i just dont think she would do it. she probably likes more hands on activities. a modern shmii would be obsessed with a motorcycle her dad got her when she was little. the ones they make for kids but with the speed inhibitor taken off, obviously. she would always be buying parts and tools to upgrade it (well) and painting it new colors (poorly). she would defjnitely post pictures of it all the time, but they wouldnt be very good pictures. she'd probably post more than reblogging, using it like an actual blog. she'd be really into big metal sculptures and welding, she'd collect knives, especially throwing knives and hunting knives, and she'd post videos of caring for them and pictures of her new ones. she posts pictures of her puppy (her mouse droid would be a puppy in a normal earth au) all the time and pictures of her family, and childish art she did on paper with crayons or on whatever free art program cane with her computer (said fondly, childrens art is good)

Baby: @bab/y (guess how she ended up with a url like that)

she would totally be like, 2000s pink aesthetic with lots of makeup and outfits and accessories and piercings and shit. like @pinkflipphone if i reblogged less tech and more fashion, and it was a liiiiittle trashier lol. she'd have one of the top blogs and would constantly sic her followers on people who annoy her or have opinions she doesnt like. stochastic terrorist. posts her own fashion as well. she always has tailored outfits, but theyre a little more douchey and a little less bimbo than the fashion she posts. like if a really terrible man from jersey shore dresses exactly the same except the shirts swapped out for a pink cheetah print crop top type corset. yes she wears snapbacks. she has intentionally rancid takes and will die on any hill, she'll die in a valley if she likes. yes some of her followers will doxx and stalk you irl about these hills and/or valleys. queen of the new age cyberbullies.

[inlocusmads]

Nora | bisexual awareness week '23 q's & a's

A/N: Tagging @choicespride (tysm for the questions!),, Nora's my Crimes of Passion MC who's bi and I have written some stuff (very few, if I might add, which I hope to change) for her, talking about her bisexuality, which you can check out too. (Once I find the goddamn link)

When/how did your OC/MC realise they were bisexual?

Nora realised she was bi in a very gradual way. It wasn't a quick sign from the Gods, rather a step by step process. She didn't put a label to it until after she started dating one of her friends and ever since then, she'd kept it a bit quiet.

Growing up in the 90s and early 2000s where bisexuality was not discussed at length and the LGBTQIA+ community received a lot of general condemnation, Nora never really had a chance to explore the bisexual culture or get to know some queer people herself; outside of her relationship. She didn't realise it was called "bisexuality" until after her then-partner, Stephanie told her so after she realised she liked boys the same way as she liked girls. 

Is your OC/MC out? When/how did they come out? To whom?

Nora never had a big coming out ceremony or anything. She understood it and moved on, because for the most part she doesn't have an active social life. But she did come out to Uncle Tommy when she first realised so (he was accepting, ofc) during college and introduced him to Stephanie (which ended up being a terrible decision because they tag-teamed against her)

After college, she went to the police academy to train to be an officer and there, she came out to her friend, Officer Darwick. She obviously did come out to Ruby, Luke and Mafalda once she found the situation apt. It wasn't a huge deal, of course but Nora has had experiences where her telling people she's bi has turned some heads in negative ways. These days, she's careful about disclosing her sexuality.

Who are your OC/MC’s bicons?

Nora doesn't have bi-icons but she had a couple of people in film and TV that made her realise she was bi.

Specifically Kiera Knightley in Bend It Like Beckham (she's watched all the soccer movies), Freddie Mercury, Tomomi Nishimoto, Cynthia Rothrock, Annie Lennox and the main characters of X Files, Dana Scully and Fox Mulder. Nora was a huge TV kid.

Does your OC/MC have any friends/family in the LGBTQIA+ community?

Mafalda, her boss, is queer, who has a wife in canon. They generally get along pretty well; Mafalda, though not invested in Nora's personal life, is definitely somewhat concerned about her wellbeing.  Trystan, Nora's partner and is a mild annoyance, is bisexual like her and they have had fun times watching movies, discussing people ("Why is everyone hot?") and other things. Some of Nora's underground friends are also queer, but they are merely informants so they don't really talk about anything besides work and information. And that is about it. 

Nora doesn't really talk to people, she's hardly ever on the internet or out on the streets. She might find some people during pride marches or queer clients, but most of them lose touch. Same with her ex-partners as well. 

How would your OC/MC describe their sexuality?

"It's like this, all right, yeah? I just don't know how, but I feel like I'm trapped in between two Hozier songs."

How/why did you decide to make your OC/MC bisexual?

It stemmed out of purely selfish reasons - for me to better explore my own identity through Nora since as I do research into her character and write her, I may be able to understand parts of myself as well.

On the other hand, there was this inexplicable truth. Nora would be bisexual. It was one of the first things I jotted down about her character. Literally "I didn't know how her crisis response is, but she definitely likes men and women!" and also because the world might like more disaster bi representation.

Is your OC/MC celebrating Bisexual Awareness Week? How?

Nora leads a very monotonous life and hates getting dressed up in anything other than her usual get-up. But she might be willing to change her clothes for a bit; just her shirt into a nice purple striped one. She might get a different coffee and a nice pastry, for making it through to see another bisexual awareness week and spend her nights watching a bunch of period dramas with Kiera Knightley in it. 

Anything else you’d like to share about your OC/MC and/or their identity?

Nora is very quick to develop fondness for people, regardless of gender but she doesn't show it. The moment Trystan attacked her with a serving tray, she was like "Oh shit, okay. Damn. Okay. Fine." - just absolute pandemonium. When Aneesa, her ex-partner marched up to her, blood on her sleeve to file a police complaint, Nora was just bi-panic throughout. She tends to fall a bit in love with people who give off confidence in any way. It could be a TA explaining a concept with such passion in their eyes, or a barista sketching out a name with such expertise.

Another dead giveaway was when she saw Pride and Prejudice with her friends during a movie night in college. As much as she was behind the Darcy x Elizabeth ship, she found it much more appropriate to ship Elizabeth with Caroline Bingley. After the movie, she had a lot of questions to ask herself, including why she had to simply unearth all of Kiera Knightley's movies immediately. 

Nora wasn't on good terms with her sexuality when she immediately found it out. Learning about it in the early 00s when there was sparse awareness made her jump to a lot of hurtful conclusions - including how "it could've been a trauma response", because this was just huge. Nora wasn't used to such a huge revelation. She'd had enough of them in her childhood. 

Seeing its implications happen right in front of her - homophobia in her college, in workplaces - it wasn't fun. She didn't embrace it until after Stephanie and her broke up (because she was off to med school in a different part of the country and Nora was staying back) and she got to deal with it, in that chunk of time. Later she learned it was yet another fraction of her identity and she didn't have to take it all fast and strong; explore it in her own time and the future needn't be all grim and worrisome. For every hundred queerphobes out there, there was at least one person to have her back and that optimism kept her going forward. 

Nora has had literally the most chaotic dating history ever, which is ironic since she's only ever dated three people until she hit her early 30s. 

Stephanie Graham went on to become a pathologist, because she found forensic sciences boring. Rowan Greene hopped from being a police officer to a pink rockstar. Aneesa Wang had to say a tearful goodbye after getting framed for a crime she did not commit and Nora had to send her off in a boat to whichever place she preferred; to escape charges. Not once did she get a traditional "break-up" with an argument or anything. Everyone was in such a rush, everyone fell out, everyone just had to leave.

 It did leave Nora with some -- protective issues to deal with, which explained why she got the first plane to Drakovia when Trystan was taken away by his family. 

Speaking of Trystan, they both come out to each other in the most unexpected way. They're both watching a film in the theatre; Trystan had brought a book with him to judge the adaptation well. Nora's just beyond agitated. They see two people on screen played by quite an attractive man and a very buff woman - essentially the lead actors and they're breathing heavily after a chase scene. Nora cannot keep her eyes away from the screen and Trystan does too and in the end, Trystan is like "Okay, the adaptation is good." Nora doesn't need words to know he's feeling the same jittery bi panic as she does. It's just so pure, it takes them back to when they were teens understanding themselves, it is just the smallest but sincerest acknowledgement of their commonality. That they truly get it. 

****

Tysm for reading! Tumblr is glitching like crazy, so I hope this reaches you glitch-free!

[blorbologist]

Just barfing out my personal de Rolo quarter elf headcanons somewhere so I can keep em together and share them! Given I know mine are often a bit weird compared to everyone else’s.

90% of my thoughts have been about Vesper and Leona, due to writing fics heavily involving them, so they take up the bulk of this ahaha oops

EVERY one of these kids is queer, I don’t make the rules, it’s the law of the land.

My personal take on their ages is that Vesper’s the (accidental, oops) firstborn, the twins followed 4-5 years later, Dan a year or two after them (probably a bit of a honeymoon phase after the twins finally started sleeping through the fuckin night), and Gwen 4-6 years later. Vesper is the only one to really get a fair amount of adventuring done, so I could see her being Level 6-12 by the time she’s done while the rest of the brood end up around levels 3-5 depending on their niche and interests.

Vesper:

I am of the opinion Vesper is an Aasimar, because if my timeline knowledge is correct Vex was pregnant with her when she became Pelor's Champion (and if not, I think that's still enough to bless your bloodline enough for an Aasimar, cmon), and I highly doubt she experienced the sort of stress that made her dad go white by twenty in that Tal'dorei Reborn portrait. Plus, having an Aasimar eldest and Tiefling youngest is nice poetic symmetry <3

I decided to make her a Paladin of Erathis for a number of reasons. One, I loath seeing firstborn kids being perfect mixes of their parents' skills and specialties, and I feel the firstborn of two heros and leaders of a city would absolutely want to avoid being compared to her parents whenever possible. So instead of a DEX build like her parents, aunt and uncle, she's a front line STR heavy hitter. I settled on Paladin specifically to nod to Vax and to give her another way to separate herself from her lineage - because sure, her mom is Pelor's champion, and Pelor definitely blessed her, but that doesn't mean she has to be his paladin, too, so she turns towards Erathis instead. I also think she'd be Oath of Redemption, just because that subclass + the Lawbearer's whole thing both would help shape someone into a good leader, once she takes Cass' place at the head of the Chamber. 

Vesper’s very much an ‘everyone can be redeemed‘ person, as a logical extreme of hearing her dad’s story, and is fairly prone to black and white thinking with shades of grey frustrating her. She's also terrible with money, because please she's a noble kid of course she is, and it's incredibly funny to me that she and Vex would butt heads over this. However, they both fly together for short bursts (usually with a couple of the smaller kids with them, once Vesper’s big and confident enough to carry one with her), Vex on her broom and Vesper with her wings. She was initially very afraid of heights until Vex helped her out with that. 

She spends a few years in her early twenties adventuring, to learn how to handle herself and grow as a person. She comes out of this with a more nuanced understanding of life, and maybe she’s had to make a few hard choices of her own while out on the road she talks to her parents about. Vesper is also very close to Cass, though her efforts to distinguish herself from her parents, plus them both recovering from the trauma they’d recently endured when she was young, mean they’re not as close to her as the other kids. Vesper’s actually fairly close to Grog and Pike - Grog is a great sparring partner and helps her break down complex problems, while Pike’s ALSO fun to spar with while also being a religious mentor of sorts, alongside Yennen while he’s still alive.

A note on the twins, first: 

Leona, ‘Lonny’:

I HC that these are genuine identical twins, not fraternal twins as Vex and Vax or Whitney and Oliver likely were IF they’re cis (I’m very fond of trans Vax HCs but I digress). As a result, either Leona or Wolfe is trans. I haven’t decided which, but one is. Given they are identical and were almost indistinguishable as babies, in the chaos of the birth (kindergartener Vesper's wings poofed out the first time at this point because it was so Exciting) Vex is pretty sure they got mixed up once or twice and no one’s sure which one is the actual firstborn. Not that it matters, it’s just something she occasionally remembers that sends her into a fit of giggles.

No one is sure which of the twins is technically older, however Leona maintains that she’s the older twin so we’ll go with that. Leona’s being a little imp in the one art we have of her, and given the personality I have in mind for her I see her as being a Bard. It drives Percy completely fucking batty at times, but she spends a fair amount of time with Scanlan and Kaylie one Vox Machina dinner and that’s that. She is mostly an orator and singer, but can often be found playing a small harp (Laura Bailey, *harp music*) and looking deceptively innocent and charming before she pranks her siblings or some poor visiting noble. However, her real passion is stories and secret lore - she spends much of her time in the library looking for juicy details from history she can spin into song. I haven’t narrowed down College of Whispers or College of Eloquence for her, either could work imo! She would love Hamilton and Six the Musical, make of that what you will lmao

Leona is a complete and utter little shit. Her reaction to having important parents is to use that as an excuse to get away with all sorts of hooligan shit, because really what could they do? Her teenage years are directly responsible for Vex’s grey hairs, and she’s only interested in her dad’s tinkering so far as it can make fun toys to play with. Leona is at her least irritating when reading and looking for knowledge, though, so she and dad will spend long hour in the library chipping away at some question or another or bickering about which historical account is more accurate. Vex loves listening to her sing and absolutely eggs on half the trouble she gets into, and privately congratulates her on a well made prank once any offended parties aren’t looking and once her heartrate slows down. She’s a very weird balance of cute nerd and little shit, and smart enough to lean heavily into the former to cloak her intentions. Think how Vex would use her flirting and winks to get what she wanted, but less discrimination trauma and more Bard and Being a Lil Bastard Sometimes.

 She eventually has a bit of a crisis, realizing that because of her family she can get away with most anything and not let her grow for her own merits, on top of always being seen as part of a set with her twin. As a result, when Percy takes her on a diplomatic/Ugh Fine We shall visit Scanlan trip to Westrunn, she kinda. maybe. Runs off to join the Cobalt Soul. I’m writing that fic rn hands off :vv But long and short of it is she finds her calling with the Soul, caring for and finding knowledge and then sharing it in ways that actually stick in peoples’ heads. Maybe a bit of spying and information gathering of her own if she’s a Whispers Bard instead of Eloquence so she can put her nosy nature to good use. She takes a particular delight in either exaggerating or correcting tales of Vox Machina and no one can ever tell which she’ll go with in a given moment.

Wolfe:

Wolfe does not insist he is the older of the twins - however, he is the more mature, level-headed and not humble at all of the pair, so he absolutely implies Leona is lying about it. I haven’t actually decided on Wolfe’s class or subclass yet. I like the idea of him not having a lick of magic to him, unlike his Bard twin. However, I am dead set on Galdric (you know -  Purvan Suul’s ever-living wolf companion who now guards Whitestone and per the Tal’Dorei update can be a Warlock patron) having taken an interest in him. SO! I could see him as an Undying Warlock (because oh, man, the ties to Vax would have Vex so emotional), or a Gloomstalker Ranger hunting side by side with his mother and this huge fuckall magic wolf in turns, or a Cavalier fighter riding either a horse or Galdric into battle. 

Wolfe is very similar to a young, pre-trauma Percy, but with something similar to Vax’s bleeding heart worn on his sleeve. He’s a bit arrogant and uppity, but it all comes from a good place of trying to make his parents proud and being proud of his family in turn. His way of forming an identity of his own is really to live up to the peoples’ expectations of what he should be, and as the son of heroes, so he puts himself under a lot of pressure to be perfect (unlike his twin who deliberately fucks around). Vex and Percy reassure him as best they can that he doesn’t have to be anything, but they do appreciate that at least one kid isn’t causing havoc of somesort at a given time. He’s very much a ‘break a few eggs to make an omelet’ kind of guy, but he will cry about it after. Hunting in the forest with mom - using a rifle, not a bow - helps him get a better handle on his emotions. He likes shedding the expectations of court out in the woods, where it’s just him, nature, maybe one of his parents too. And Galdric, whose expectations are unknown to him. He’s very much in awe of most of Vox Machina and not close to them as a result, because he’s fairly intimidated. He IS the darling of Whitestone’s populace, though, and great at getting along with the everyman once he gets over his ego and lets his heart shine through.

Wolfe and Leona are not nearly as close as Vex and Vax, because that was 90% codependency as a result of the hell they went through and these two both have other siblings to rely on and don’t need an ‘us vs the world’ mentality to survive. They’re close by virtue of being the same age, but Dan is not much younger than them and both are closer to him than eachother. Which is kinda necessary - Dan keeps their contrasting personalities from blowing up into full blown arguments. Vex has next to No idea how to handle this, however Percy remembers Whitney and Oliver and is better equipped to help the twins sort out their differences. Tho one time a guy courting Wolfe ends up only being in it for the prestige and Leona makes his life a living hell, and Wolfe helps cover for Leona when she’s skipping lessons to read in some secret corner.  

He might very well keep Galdric’s patronage or protection or Whatever It Is a secret from his parents as long as he can, because he knows how it’d worry and upset them, so there might be some drama about that idk. Cass might help him keep the secret while he figures out how to tell his parents and what to do, to give the poor kid some breathing room. Galdric doesn’t see what the problem is. He might have a few brief interactions with Vax as a result of his ties to the Raven Queen through Galdric, but given he’s not directly working with RQ herself there is a measure of distance that’s enough to keep Vex and Percy from completely freaking out.

Vax’ildan, ‘Dan’:

He also goes by Freddie given he got that middle name from his dad. Dan’s the absolute softest of the family - Vex has taken each kid out hunting regularly enough as mother-child bonding time, except the first time she and Dan went out he broke down crying at the thought of killing anything so they just take walks together. He’s a Druid - not a high level one by any means. Circle of the Shepherd or Land maybe?

I like the idea of him feeling very much like the odd one out of his family - both named for his uncle (Vesper’s namesake wasn’t a world-saving hero, she was a *teenager*) and not outwardly seeming to have the traits his parents are well known for. He can’t shoot a bow, can’t handle a gun, can’t tinker, can’t do Pelor things, he’s just the kid that really loves plants. (Am I projecting a hell of a lot of autism on this kid? Yes. I Am. You can’t stop me.) However, Percy and Vex and the rest of his siblings are eager to learn with him - Percy takes up gardening more, mostly on the technical side of the science behind it, to spend time with his son, while Vex takes him on walks in the woods and they go foraging for mushrooms and fun treasures together. She makes little stick dollies and forest toys with him, like her mother used to do for her and Vax. It might be on one of these outings they find Charlie, maybe?

He spends a lot of time with Keyleth in Zephrah, or in the Patchwood or castle garden when at home, and once he’s older he might move to Zephrah completely. Dan picks up a lot of Kiki’s verbal ticks from being around her so much. He might have even been there for Kiki’s assasination attempt, if the angst is worth it >;3c 

IDK I don’t have as many ideas for Dan as the others :c beyond him being close to Kiki but not at all like Vax ;; He’s also close to Trinket’s cub Charlie, though given how bear reproduction and aging works that portrait would have needed to be completed in the early summer and Charlie would be absolutely huge come the next year. I gotta think on this kid more.

Gwendolyne:

(oh no im getting tired now gktjrngn fuck.)

Is the sweetest de Rolo and has inherited Velora’s Owlbear stuffie, given to her one time when the family Had to go to Syngorn for some contrived reason, and some elves raised a stink about this little toddler. Which was not wise; Vex blew her gasket in a big way, Percy took the liberty of voiding some important trade agreements (Cass handled the paperwork when they got home), Syldor tried to salvage the whole thing while defending his grandchild, and while they did that Velora cradled her newest niece in a back room and calmed her down with the old beloved teddy. 

I see Gwennie as 100% being a daddy’s girl. Poor Percy - none of his kids really Got tinkering until the last one. Sure they could help in the workshop and loved to watch him make things, or try to make things of their own, but none really got the itch for it until he found Gwen trying to sneak down to make something for her stuffie at 10pm. I see her as an Artificer (Artillerist or Battle Smith)! Unlike her father’s love of clockwork and pretty creations, now, Gwen is 100% all about shit that goes boom, which is super funny given how sweet she is. Vex gets so many more exploding arrows once Gwen starts helping her dad. However, there is a minor point of conflict in that she likes the guns, the bombs, the explosions,and thinks they’re cool, and cannot for the life of her grasp why her father is so upset about having invented such cool things. She really likes Tary too.

Though I don’t think she would be an adventurer, I like the idea of Gwennie leaving home to sell some of her inventions and creations. Say, stopping by one of Gilmores’ storefronts and spending a few days doing some demonstrations and sales there, just seeing the cities the world has to offer but without any monster fighting - she’d rather sell the monster killing shit than engage herself. Inevitably something of hers does get used for nefarious purposes, though, and she understands her dad a bit better after this.

I also really, really want to incorporate Tiefling virtue names into Gwennie’s life, and while away from home I can see her going by Darling. Because it’s something she associates with her mother, with love, and she’s so much of a daddy’s girl that it’s nice for her to have something of her mom’s. IDK if anyone in Whitestone castle knows that this mildly famous merchant of insane tinkering feats that goes by Darling is their Gwennie, and IDK if she’s actually deliberately hiding this or hasn’t bothered to explain. She gets her incredible salesman skills from mom ofc.

All her family learn Infernal, because sometimes when she’s stressed she’ll lapse into it, and it becomes the official language of gossip for the de Rolo family whenever they’re at some important event and have some tea to spill in polite company. 

holy fuck that was more than I expected lmao. Enjoy? or not? weee

[we-are-inevitable]

Your ask box is my kingdom, I am taking it over

But anyway I so badly want your thoughts on Jack and Davey in my college prof au please please please I know I haven't spoken about it on tumblr yet except from a little bit but I love your Javid so yeah

-has watched high school musical thank you very much

ok ok @roideny obvi this is your au but here are my Very Important thoughts bc i love them Very Much ugh. in love w them

David Jacobs-Kelly:

44 years old, born in ‘79

Undergrad: majored in English, minored in Creative Writing

Masters: Poetics and Theory AdvC- NYU

Doctorate: English and American Literature, thesis is over gender and sexuality in Shakespeare

he’s been Dr. Jacobs-Kelly for about seventeen years by the time the story takes place!

as a prof, he teaches a comp class, an honors comp (Critical Analysis and Writing), and some creative writing/poetry courses! he’s a very busy man.

he meets Race, Albert, and Finch because they’re students in his comp class!

when he’s not teaching, he’s really involved in the local queer scene. i feel like he’s a staple at drag brunches and pride celebrations; he’s not a huge club fan anymore but he still loves being Involved. growing up during the aids crisis is traumatizing at the least, and im sure he lost a few friends, so he stays up to date in the queer stuff to sort of honor them.

he marries jack in 2011 when gay marriage is legalized in new york!

he’s a huge shakespeare fan, as seen by his phd studies. he has a hamlet-inspired tattoo because he’s gay

tbh he probably has a cat named after shakespeare (they have two cats im calling it now. shakespeare and bryan, name courtesy of jack)

he and jack don’t have any kids, but he’s a loving fun uncle for Les and Sarah’s respective kids!

Jack Jacobs-Kelly:

45 years old, born in ‘78

Undergrad: Studio Art! but he dropped out after a semester <33

he just decided that college wasn’t for him. why pay money for something he doesn’t need?

he goes straight into a set design apprenticeship that medda helps him get! medda is his adoptive mom, so he’s been around queer spaces and theatre since he was around 15. he loves it, it’s his home

that being said he probably sells his own paintings and maybe does mural work on the side, he likes to keep busy and is invested in the art scene, and he meets davey when davey moves to New York for his masters! he’s the reason davey stays in NYC <33

he’s very eccentric, and very much doesn’t give a fuck. he’s a black queer man- the universe already nerfed him, so why worry about anything else? i can see him being the really go-with-the-flow husband to davey’s more tight-strung academic vibe. they really balance each other out

again, they don’t have kids, but i feel like this jack is very much For The Youths? i can see him volunteering a lot, working for organizations that help troubled kids get into the arts— i feel like it’s his passion project that makes him feel better when davey is busy at the university all day. in another life he’s a foster parent, but he and davey just don’t have the lifestyle to foster, so he focuses his energy elsewhere!

whenever davey “adopts” some freshmen he’s always on board. he really hits it off with Albert!

not as involved in the queer scene as davey, but his career is literally in musical theatre set design, so even if he’s not in the queer scene he’s In The Queer Scene

i don’t wanna talk about him losing medda but i can see him eventually inheriting the theater!

he loves his nieces and nephews! he’s a big family guy

Extra Thoughts:

jack and davey are a pair. they rarely go anywhere outside of work without each other, and they’re so, SO in love.

jack pretty regularly comes to see Davey while he’s at work; he’ll bring him lunch to office hours and pop in to watch him lecture from time to time.

davey attends the opening night of every show jack works on <33

their apartment is always a mess LMAO. davey has papers and books everywhere, there’s paint on the floor, brushes all over the place— it’s what happens when you cross a tired academic and an adhd creative. shit happens.

they actually stay pretty hip and on-trend? idk how it happens but jack is rlly good with youth culture and davey is on top of gay culture so like. yeah they work.

over summers and breaks, they travel a lot! not anything crazy expensive— they love international travel, but they’re also a big fan of road trips and rental cars!

they are my FAVORITES and i love them so much

[saladbroth]

as much as i'd love to just make fun of akk for how truly, truly awful he is at hiding his feelings, and give my salute to ayan for being generally batshit, i feel like this episode has really presented some interesting aspects of their characters and i wanna talk about it so please bear with me here (long post ahead i'm sorry asjfksdg)

so far in the first three episodes of the series we've seen akk and ayan act basically entirely out of one motivator: their wants. what they want drives them to interact with each other and the other people at the school in certain ways, and it's what they define themselves by. the issue is that now they are starting to desire, and that is going to interfere with their wants quite a lot.

what do i mean by that? well

lets start with ayan: ayan wants one thing - to find out what happened to his uncle. he wants to bring down the government the system of the school and ruin everything the institution stands for. he doesn't care what kind of impact that might have on others, because in his mind it's just going to be positive. he wants to see the school go up in flames, and preferably for anyone who upholds the rules to do the same. he wants revenge, and he's going to do everything he can to get that

akk wants many things: he wants to stay in the school, something now being more obviously hinted at - he doesn't come from a wealthy background like kan does, for example. to stay he has to be good, has to be the most well-behaved and the one who follows all the rules and enforces them no matter his own opinion because he wants to stay at suppalo and he wants to get the approval from teacher chadok. he wants to fit in, with his friends and with his peers and with this society that is more or 'better' than what he has at home (presumably). akk wants to be normal and to pretend a bit, i think, that he is someone different

akk and ayan are similar in that they both have their wants, and while aye is driven by his singular one akk is driven by many, they both show willingness to go to extreme lenghts to achieve what they want.

(important to note: both of their wants are placed upon them by expectations from others, for akk it's society and chadok, and the way the school works, and for ayan it's his uncle, who may not have said it but expected him to carry on his legacy anyways. their wants are not truly theirs, but something that was made for them)

the issue now coming into play? desire

with episode 4 done, it's something neither akk nor aye can truly deny anymore, try as they might. they desire each other romantically and that is an issue.

i truly do not believe that aye was seriously flirting with akk before the end of episode three, because yes he's still bold as fuck, but to me it just feels like he was having fun. he was teasing, trying to draw akk out of his shell and disrupt the orderly routines - maybe make him do things he normally wouldn't. all of that falls very much in line with his want for revenge because, well. akk is part of that system and he's easier to take jabs at than the school

thing is, aye is very confident in his sexuality. there's a lot of great posts out there discussing how different each of them carry themselves in regards to their attractions so i'm not getting into all of that, but we can all agree that aye is queer and he's not afraid to show that. it's something he can use casually, like his wittiness and general assholery because it's not a big deal to him and flirting with akk isn't doing anything for him except work in his favour and then akk comes over and falls asleep on his hand, and suddenly ayan doesn't see a representative of all the things he's against, who he can flirt with as a way to be a nuisance, but he sees a kid and he's pretty, and he's just following something he thinks he wants and that's his first litte oh. i think that ayan realises that he sees akk in a different light than he thought, then and the end of ep. 3 solidifies it for him - that he's attracted to akk for real, not just for arbitrary reasons

akk is, well. he's a poor kid who doesn't know how to deal with his feelings and attractions because it doesn't fit together with what he wants, who he thinks of himself as. of course the flirtations are going to catch him off guard, because there don't seem to be many openly gay students at suppalo (for good reason) and even then they're not directing that at him. he doesn't want to be gay because it doesn't fit, and i think that maybe subconsciously he also sees that as a reason to try and stop aye from doing whatever he's doing, because then he can go back to fitting in and what akk thinks, or at least is trying to convince himself is 'normal'. and then he goes over to aye's and aye catches him and looks at him, and akk feels seen for the first time. not as a tool or a student or a friend, somebody he's molded himself into to fit and be the best he can to get to his goal, but as a person and as he truly is.

which leaves us with episode 4, and an ayan who's distinctly aware that he's attracted to akk, and that akk is attracted to him but can't admit it verbally (actions speak louder than words and akk's actions are screaming at the top of their lungs). akk is still in denial, even though it's getting harder and harder to keep that facade up for himself. he's still clinging to that whole spiel about finding out about ayan's plans, but keeps getting derailed and distracted and getting caught in his feelings to a point where it deviates him from his want. without ayan there's not a chance in hell he'd have asked a teacher to lift the punishment on another student, probably not even his friends.

so now what? ayan is aware. ayan is yearning. ayan is flirting, still, but it feels different - more sincere even if he tries to hide behind his scarcasm. he allows vulnerability and for akk to get away with his tomfoolery (at least for a bit), and he acts on what his heart tells him he wants: akk, but romantically akk is still torn, and struggling, and he can't for the life of him admit it but i think he still has sort of accepted the feelings for ayan, at least a little bit. he lets himself be soft for a bit, lets himself be guided by what his heart desires, rather than what his brain wants.

and that's the point of this whole thing: it's heart against brain now, desire against want, love against rules and revenge and expectations that neither of the boys have placed on themselves. they're stuck at a point where they have something they want, they desire, that comes from within them and them alone, and it's oh so different from what they think they want because they have to.

with the episode 5 promo, i think it's safe to say that it's going to be incredibly hard for both of them to figure out what to do, now that their hearts and their heads are at war. it'll be terrifying for akk to let go of the normalcy and expectations and rules he's put in place for himself. he'll have to accept himself, and that he is different and that that's a good thing. it'll be hard for ayan to realise that there's a grey zone, that he can't just declare things right or wrong anymore because that'd mean that loving akk is wrong but it feels right to him anyway.

decisions are going to have to be made, on both of their ends. life-changing decisions that both boys are terrified to make and so they'll try to avoid them and fight and god knows what else the show has in store for them, but it'll be incredibly hard on them and also me, personally, because of my emotional attachment to them

TL;DR: akk and ayan so far have been going about their lives following the things their heads tell them are right - what they want is right and unshakeable. now their hearts come into play, and what they desire doesn't fit what they want at all, and they won't know what to do, so they'll fight and suffer and struggle against what they think is right and what they yearn for, and hopefully find a middle ground

[starlightrosari]

How I feel about masculine pronouns

I like male pronouns. I like calling myself a boy, a guy, a man, a gentleman, dapper, bro… Recently I got called sir by a family member and I loved it. I like it all. I don’t know if I’m literally a man though. I don’t think it would feel right for me to be grouped with men in conversations about men because though masculinity resonates with me, I’m not literally a man, I’m a nonbinary boy. Using masculine words such as boy but then calling myself something cryptic like “vampire boy” or something feels like a fun celebrating way of embracing my unique masculinity in a way that fits me. Being nonbinary gives space to play with gender in a unique way that can be fun to partake in.

He/him pronouns have been seeming exciting to me in a way strictly they/them hasn’t been. Playing with male gendered descriptors is really fun for me too, and I’m starting to really wish I looked like a boy to match the gender. I feel strange asking to be referred in this way because I can’t see it within my appearance, but I know how I feel in my head and how euphoric it makes me. I can grow to like it. And I’m starting to realize that I’ve wished to be a boy for a long time, and since admitting to myself I’m trans, I’ve wanted to be called “he” and “boy,” not strictly neutral language, I’ve just been afraid to make that leap of faith in trusting who I am to fit that, worrying about “what if I’m wrong and I don’t like it? I’m not a man, how could I?” But I can figure it out.

I also wonder about terms like son and brother. I know I like boyfriend, and I’m starting to wonder if hearing son and brother might feel better then kid and sibling. I don’t know yet, but I can almost see myself using them. I’ve started using uncle and that feels okay, just still feeling a lack of validation in looking how I feel to really motivate me to feel good about using masculine words for myself.

I still have a lot of internalized shame from thinking for most my life that I could never be a boy no matter how badly I wanted to. I thought because of the way I looked being small I’d never be happy as one, and I couldn’t look like one, so it was best to just try to feel pretty. It was really based on how others see me. Now I’ve been slowly coming to an understanding of what I’m comfortable with and it’s really just that I like elements of femininity, but I don’t want to dress feminine. I’m finding myself dressing in my more masculine clothes and it’s a little awkward because it’s not feeling quite “me” yet, but it is a lot more comfortable in terms of dysphoria. I just feel a bit invalid because I don’t look like I’ve really figured myself out yet because my style isn’t figured out, and I was a lot less clueless with feminine style because of practicing it my whole life, but I’ll figure it out, and then I’ll probably feel more strongly connected to masculine pronouns. I am a feminine guy and I want to explore what style celebrates that in a comfortable balance and aesthetic that feels like me.

I’m exploring the possibility of wanting to be referred and presented more masculine because I want to feel affirmed and euphoric, and while using strictly neutral language and strictly calling myself nonbinary has alleviated the dysphoria I was carrying from being called feminine terms all the time, it hasn’t felt quite euphoric and sometimes I feel odd with it like how I felt with calling myself sapphic (calling myself queer). As I’ve been calling myself masculine terms more often and voicing my desire to look like a boy, I’ve felt more connected with myself in a way I haven’t before. There’s something here worth exploring.

[themockingcrows]

I need you all to sit and take this in with me.

My therapist just prescribed me a girlfriend.

Like. Not kidding, the subject came around to relationships again and we were talking about how many years it'd been since the really bad divorce and how actually a relationship would line up with a lot of the things I'm trying to work on and improve my experiences with interpersonally. He even steered the conversation very queer because he knew I'd realized I was Bi and genderqueer AFTER getting married, and suggested exploring my options because of how unhappy I was in that marriage even at the beginning.

I'm sitting there, a shy woodland creature in my pink headphones, listening to this elderly fellow who feels like an uncle drag me gently and lovingly and then tell me to get a girlfriend.

as if girlfriends just grow on trees.

if girlfriends DO grow on trees and nobody's told me i'm gonna be kinda pissed off tho, c'mere you lil blossom fae lemme tell you my name for fun.