#he wouldn’t know empathy if it slapped him in the face

[thatrandomblogsays]

Me watching the movie and reading Ballad of Songbirds & Snakes and discovering the young snow everyone is thirsting over is just… an asshole

[simpjaes]

EROTIC EMPATHY (s.jy)

Have you ever taken anyone’s virginity before? Nope. Are you about to? Yep. or the one where jake has a streak of bad luck in bed and his friends make fun of him for it, you find him advertising himself on a dating app and decide to help him out. 

minors dni! | if you read it, reblog it

WORDCOUNT― 12.7k

PAIRING― jake sim x afab reader 

CONTENT― virgin guy who lives with his parents!jake, he’s not shy but he is very clumsy, a lot of texting so be prepared for that, facetime-sex, real life sex

SIDE CHARACTERS― jay as reader’s best friend and roommate, heeseung briefly as jake’s friend.

NOTE― if you've read this before it's because im the person who wrote it [ncteez] and im revamping it for jake, pls don't send me messages on either account about stealing a work that's already mine!

smut tags under cut:: 

smut tags―big huge dick jake, phone sex (ish), face time sex,  masturbation, pet name: baby, making out, he eats you out twice, fingering, whining and whimpering, deep throating, premature ejaculation, desperate man wants his dick wet lmao, grinding, tit fondling/licking, clit stimulation, he bites the fuck out of his tongue to try and distract himself from coming too soon again,  no condom aka cream pie, jake gets feelings like immediately when u touch him

・・・・・・・・・・・・・・

“Check this shit out,” you laugh, presenting your phone to Jay with a chuckle. “yes or no?”

Jay snorts, nearly spitting out the bite of food in his mouth as he reads the bio of the man you’re showing to him.

“Depends, you trying to take his innocence or are you trying to get railed so hard that the entire building can hear?” He narrows his eyes at you, making a point to call you out for keeping him awake last weekend. 

You wave him off with an apologetic look. To be fair, the dude from before knew how to make a girl moan, it’s not your fault that you managed to find a decent lay in this city. Even if he ghosted you, you assume you may have been a bad lay for him, if anything. 

“I wouldn’t mind trying something new, dude seems desperate.” You swipe through his photos, seeing that he appears to be just a normal dude with normal interests. “He’s cute too, so I’m gonna say yes.”

Jay groans this time, slapping a hand to his forehead and glaring at you. 

“You’d better warn me if you end up bringing him home, I’m not about to listen to some guy start crying over a blowjob.”

You nod to him, sending a message to the eighty-two-year-old Jake and feeling delighted at his near-instant response to you. 

“Yeah, yeah. I’ll make sure you’re out of the apartment if I invite him over,” You wiggle your brows as you stand to your feet and turn toward your room, eyes now glued to the open dating app’s messages. “Maybe you should go out and find a nice girl to rail to get back at me.”

“You’re so fucking weird.” Jay laughs but feels kind of shitty because it’s not like he hasn’t been trying to get back at you for the loud sex. Guess he just doesn’t have the magic dick to make girls moan the same way you do.

Not that he wants to make you moan or anything, he definitely doesn’t. If anything, he wishes you were more like the girls he brings home.

Fucking quiet.

・・・・・・・・・・・・・・

You: i’ve never seen a virgin grandpa on this app before 

Jake: ….i’m 21, it says that in my bio

You: I think you’re lying. 

Jake: do u know how to change it, my bitch friends won't tell me lol

You: why would i help you lie to other women

Jake: i’m not lying!!1

You laugh to yourself as you text the new sex interest in your life, wondering if he’s lying about his presumed virginity. 

You: ok, twenty-one-year-old “jaeyun” who is five miles away from me, you’re actually a virgin? Like for real?

Jake: yea….are u here to make fun of me for it too? all the girls here just turn me down even if i offer to cook for them after

Jake: maybe it's the playlists idk

You: send me the playlist

Jake: [spotify link to a playlist titled “NUT”] 

You try not to snort, but you do. Given, he does have decent taste, but why anyone would have dynamite by bts and never say never by justin bieber on their sex playlist is beyond you. 

You: surely it’s not your playlist…….

You: anyway

You: you’re really just looking to get laid for the first time, like, ever? and you’re offering to cook dinner too?

Jake: yea

You: you’ve never had a blowjob or anything like that? you can’t seriously think I can believe you’ve never been laid, it’s not like you’re ugly or anything

Jake: u don’t think im ugly? :) 

Jake: and yea I’ve had a blowjob before

You: why didn’t you sleep with her then?

Jake: can we stop talking about why im a virgin

You: sure but you know im gonna bring it up again, right?

You’re smiling at your phone, finding him charming and awkward in how he communicates with you via messenger. Of course, you’re curious as to why he’s a virgin, even more, curious as to why he’s on a dating app looking to lose said virginity. 

You: do you want my number? it’s embarrassing to have the app open in public if i wanna talk to you.

Jake, on the other hand, is quite literally kicking his feet and checking your profile every few minutes just to look at you. He didn’t even think too hard about you calling him attractive then not following up on it, because the fact that you just offered your number to him in case you want to talk to him? Butterflies. Given, it’s juvenile for someone of his age to still be experiencing the typical high-school crush feelings, would anyone blame him? It’s just how he is, with or without having had sex. He can’t imagine not feeling giddy inside when he’s talking to someone that he thinks is pretty. 

Jake: yea :) u can text me whenever [redacted phone number] 

You respond to him by texting his number rather than using the app messenger, screenshotting his contact info, and sending it to him with a sly smile. 

You: [screen shot// contact name: grandpa jake] 

Grandpa Jake: :| 

Grandpa Jake: im 21

・・・・・・・・・・・・・・

Okay so, here’s the thing. Jake is undeniably funny, witty, and kind. Another thing, he’s wildly attractive. Especially upon fulfilling your request for a workout selfie from him. So, what gives? You read the texts he’s sent that made you laugh out loud, you look at his pictures, stare at the workout selfie, and you genuinely cannot understand how he doesn’t have women waiting in line to have at him. 

You: it’s been like four days since we started talking

Grandpa Jake: yep, almost five

You: four days of being friends but no mention of your bio on the app, yknow, where you’re begging to have sex for the first time ever?

Grandpa Jake: right, yea. you wanna do it? i didn’t wanna assume lol

You: not answering that til you explain why. i mean, it’s totally ok that you are but like, you’re a green flag all around so im a little worried you might have like a micropenis or something

Disclaimer, if he had a micropenis, you’d still let him use it on you. After all, hooking up is something you enjoy doing regardless of size.

Grandpa Jake: i do NOT have a micropenis

You: prove it

Grandpa Jake: right now???

You laugh to yourself but also like, it’s the first time the two of you have done anything more than bully each other. Or rather, you bully him and he defends himself constantly. 

You: answer my question first

It takes a few minutes for him to respond, but you’re doing coursework anyway so it’s not a huge deal. Totally not like your ears perk up and a smile creeps across your face every time your phone goes off or anything. Definitely not. 

Grandpa Jake: um… i still live with my parents and before u make fun of me for that pls understand that its not like i wanna be here 

Grandpa Jake: i have a job and everything!!! im not a mooch!

He’s getting off track again. You could honestly care less if he still lives with his parents. You wish you still lived with yours, to save money at least. 

You: they won’t let you have anyone over? 

Grandpa Jake: well, that too but 

Grandpa Jake: listen this sounds real stupid but it just never happened? even when i tried or things almost happened, it never did

You: damn, you’re unlucky. so what happened with the girl who gave you a blowjob?

Grandpa Jake: her boyfriend walked in

You: WHAT

You’re trying to pity him, honestly, but damn. Did he go for a taken girl? Yikes. You hate to admit the ick that just flooded your mind. 

Grandpa Jake: its not like i knew she had a boyfriend

You: phew 

Grandpa Jake: so yea. do u wanna help me out or not? 

The whole reason you started talking to him was specifically to help him out. Now that you know he’s not some weirdo, and is definitely super hot and funny, hell yes. 

You: yeah, sure. 

You: about the micropenis though, 

Grandpa Jake: right…um

A few minutes of silence, your coursework is long forgotten in the anticipation of receiving your first dick pic from Jake. You wait, and you wait, and you wait.

You: i mean if you can’t prove it that's ok 

Grandpa Jake:  just give me a sec damn

He’s doing his best to get the most attractive angle. It’s not like he’s never sent nudes to anyone or anything, but like– this is you. The first person to actually agree to take his virginity. Should he hold it? Put a remote next to it for size? Should he have his face in the pic? Take a mirror pic? 

Of course, as he’s taking several pictures of his length to try and impress you, he had to get hard first. He can’t imagine you’d want a flaccid cock pic in your inbox, and that would also mean that he’s working himself up with the amount of touching, holding, and groping throughout the past sixteen photos he’s taken and deleted. It’s at the point that now it’s actually hard to care about taking a photo, pre-cum already dripping out of him as he continues to try.

He’s entered the realm of his regular horny self, only this time he’s texting you. Someone who wants to see what he’s packing. Taking a dick pic is insanely easy once he stops thinking with his brain, and he’s quick to send you a photo of himself this time. His chin at the top of the picture, face entirely hidden, hand wrapped around his thick and leaking cock, sweatpants shoved down. 

Grandpa Jake: [image attachment] 

In all fairness, you’ve never actually cared much for dick pics. Men always look too confident even with the smallest of girth being offered through the pixels. Jake though. He looks a bit desperate even with his face hidden. His cock looks desperate, his fingers wrapped around it look desperate, the way his sweatpants hug against his thighs look desperate. And now, you feel desperate. You keep your cool though.

You: oh, you were jerking off, got it. 

Grandpa Jake: sorry can’t help it 

Then he doesn’t text you back. Which is kind of a drag because he looks to be quite big in the photo alone. Maybe you’d be okay just this once to look like the desperate one. Mostly because you’re about ten seconds from trying to figure out which direction five miles away he resides so you can go palm his cock for him. Plus, the idea of an absolute simp virgin like him seeing you act a little desperate would probably be one for the books. 

You: you know i can help you out with that, right? especially since you definitely don’t have a micropenis

You’re still being ignored. The silence from your phone makes your belly flip around inside of you at the image of him doing it too. He probably does it a lot. He’s probably desperate to feel good and watches porn like 24/7. You can imagine how he’d act if you were in front of him right now, the very idea of taking his virginity becoming entirely too attractive.

Shrugging, knowing full well what he’s doing right now that’s causing him to ignore you, you press the call button and wait. You’re a little bit nervous, mostly because you’ve never actually heard his voice before, or better yet how he sounds when he’s getting off. You’re shocked that he actually answers. 

“Hello?” He says, muffled through the phone and trying to sound not-so-out-of-breath. It’s not like he looked at who was calling him anyway. With his luck, it’s probably Heeseung or some shit.

“Don’t hello me,” You gripe, narrowing your eyes at yourself in your mirror. “You’re just gonna jerk off without me after I agreed to help you fix your little problem?” 

The silence on his end is a bit nerve-wracking until you hear the frantic sound of his palm clearly wreaking havoc on him. You smirk, leaning back on your chair and sighing. On his end, processing that it’s you on the other line sends his entire body into a state of burning with arousal. Your voice is sweet even when you speak with the same sarcasm as you do via text. 

God, this alone is enough for him right now. 

“Were you at least thinking of me?”

He hums into the phone, indicating that yes, that’s exactly what he’s doing. His voice is kind of soft despite only hearing one word and a hum, you want to actually hear him talk to you, or moan, whichever he decides. 

“Were you looking at my pictures?”

He nods his head, forgetting that you’re not able to see him and instantly responds with a small and breathy yes instead. It’s a bit difficult for him to talk right now, especially now that he can put a voice to the photos he’s been jerking off to. It’s a bit overwhelming, actually.

“Do you want better ones?” You ask, encouraging him to speak a bit more. 

“Oh god, really?” He asks through the speaker, his hand pausing on his length as if to hold off until you confirm. “Like, nudes?”

“Mhm, yeah. If you want.” You smile as you speak to him, already standing to shimmy your pajamas off of you and stand in front of the mirror. “Or, you know what would be better?”

“Letting me come over and actually do it?” That’s what he wants to say to you, but he doesn’t, he simply raises a brow and bites his lip, trying to contain his excitement.

“What?” He asks, still keeping his responses short because despite how into this he is, he’s a bit shy about it. 

“I can facetime you.” 

He panics. That means you’ll be watching him too, right? Sure he’s sent nudes, he’s received nudes. He’s sent videos too, and received them. But never has he like, you know, live masturbated on facetime so someone else can watch. 

“If you don’t want to, that’s okay.” You backtrack at his silence, but you’re cut off almost immediately. 

“No! no, we can facetime–”

Your stomach flips again as you fix yourself quickly in the mirror before setting your phone against your desk and rolling back a bit in your chair to determine if it’ll work this way or not. It’s not like he’s expecting you to do it too, he probably just thinks you’re gonna sit here naked for him to stare at. You’re kind of excited to see him in action, to hear him in action for you.

You hit the button to switch the call over to facetime and once again adjust your phone as you stare at yourself in the camera. Then you’re needing to catch your breath at the image of him.

Oh fuck.

There he is, his camera angled towards his face and not at all toward what's going on below his waist, but you don’t mind at first. Looking at him, the lighting clearly shows that he’s a fan of mood lighting. You watch his eyes briefly, staring through the screen at you before moving your eyes to his arm, the one that clearly isn’t holding his phone because you can see it moving as he continues to jerk himself off. It’s an interesting feeling to have only seen him in photos until this moment, and it’s insanely attractive for some reason. Seeing him in motion, knowing what he’s doing, knowing that he feels good right now because of you.

“Let me see,” you say quietly, adjusting your bra strap and preparing to slip it off of you if he so much as asks. “Prop your phone up somewhere like I did.”

He nods, his eyes still staring straight through his screen at you as he moves around and the image becomes a blur of movement rather than his face. He settles in quickly, somehow looking even more attractive with the way his eyes no longer stare at the screen. You can almost sense a hint of shyness from him at this moment and it kind of floors you, given how easy he is to talk to and how easily he sent a dick pic to you.

“Feeling shy?” You ask, spreading your legs wide and cupping the seat of your panties, hiding the small spot of wetness forming there. “You act like I’m not going to be touching you at some point soon.”

You see him perk up, his eyes looking to you on the screen with more fondness than arousal. At the same time, his hand grips the base of his cock as he holds it straight up, erect and glistening proudly for you to look at. 

“You look pretty big, bet you could fill me up so nicely,” You try to compliment, boosting his confidence and ego as best you can simply because he looks pretty with a smile on his face. Especially when his cock twitches at the words. “Would you want to do that for me, Jake?”

“Oh god,” He groans, hearing his name come from your mouth for the first time. His hand jerks up his length once, almost aggressively as he winces at it. “This is going to be so embarrassing.” He admits now, sliding his palm up and down shamelessly as he watches between your spread legs. 

In a way, he wonders if you can see how desperate he is. There’s no way you can’t, right? Like, you can see how badly he wants you, right?

“Embarrassing, why?” You chuckle, tapping now at the spot between your legs. “Can you not see that I’m just as turned on right now?”

He groans again with deep breaths, releasing his length and using that same hand to swipe his hair out of his face, then immediately grimacing at the fact that he now has pre-cum in his hair. Embarrassing, all of it. 

“Well,” He tries to avoid you bringing up the fact that he just did that and only shoots his hand back to his cock in order to distract whatever off-hand shit you’re about to say. “You don’t even have your panties off yet, and I could probably get off right now.”

You laugh, not wanting to ruin the mood with the whole cum on his own face thing, so you save that for later. Instead, you instantly slip your panties off and present yourself to him much like he’s doing for you. 

“Better?”

Jake watched with his breath stuck in his throat, now finding it harder to breathe at the image of your pussy and the way he hopes he can touch it one day. 

“Can you–” He pauses, not being used to dirty talk towards anything other than the porn playing on his phone. He thinks hard, and you can see it based on the way he, once again, neglects his cock with an unmoving palm.

“Can I do what?  Go on,” You urge him, running a hand up to your chest and fondling your nipples right there in front of him, but not yet moving the fabric. “What do you want me to do for you, baby?”

Baby. You called him baby. Not that he’s into that but the fact that you did it makes him wonder if he is now. Maybe it’s because he wants you to take him for all he’s worth at this point. One, to get rid of the virginity looming over his head, and two, because you sound so fucking smooth when you’re watching him get off. 

“Can you spread your pussy for me?” He whispers at first, uncaring of how dirty it sounds falling out of his throat with a moan. 

His eyes are boring a hole through his screen as he watches one of your hands tease at your hidden nipples, and the other hand sliding up and down the wet folds there. So badly does he want to see it. He wants to see your hole pulsing for him, leaking, needy. Just like him.

His cock twitches wildly the second you do it for him. Two fingers spreading your pussy open and tensing your hips just to move it closer to the screen for him. 

“Is this what you want?” You start, making damn sure he can see every part of your glistening cunt. “You want to fuck this?” You chuckle now, slowly dipping a finger into yourself and pulling it back out to present the wetness for him.

“Oh,” he sighs, now fucking into his fist at a pace that proves he’s most definitely never fucked a woman before. “Fuck.”

You nod at him, urging him to keep admitting his attraction to you. You’re aware he doesn’t see it though, as his hips continue to move quicker and quicker each time you press your finger into yourself. 

“You gonna act like this when I’m riding you?” You ask with a tilted head, studying how hard he’s fucking against his hand. You can imagine how good it would feel if it were you, and quite frankly, this one finger isn’t enough at this point. 

“God. You’re gonna ride me?” He moans, eyes rolling only slightly as he imagines it, mouth falling open at the mere thought of it. 

“Mhm,” you hum, now sliding in another finger and scissoring yourself open with them. “Would you want that?”

Before you can even work yourself up, and before he can even answer that question, you see him release. His cum shooting out in spurts across his stomach and nearly up to his chest. His labored breathing shifts the lighting against his abs and makes him look so entirely delicious. You’ve never wanted to lick a man clean so badly in your life.

You’re not even upset that he didn’t make it into the knitty gritty, considering he’s a virgin and all and you’re literally fucking yourself in front of him while implying riding him. You’re actually flattered. 

His release caused him to see white for several moments, forgetting he’s even on camera for you. When he comes back to reality, watching you continue to finger yourself as your eyes scan your screen, all he can do is feel bashful. 

“S-shit, sorry,” He comments with a half laugh, looking down at his cum covered chest before looking at you again. Honestly, he could probably go again if you let him watch for a bit longer, but he’s embarrassed now. “I uh, didn’t mean to come that fast. It just kind of happened.”

“It’s okay,” You comfort him, slightly out of breath as you wonder if this is all you’re gonna get tonight. “It was cute.”

After a few moments, you sense his embarrassment and slowly slip yourself back into a sobering headspace, closing your legs and trying to ignore how wet you still are.

“Are you, um, done?” Jake says, disappointed.

“Mm, no.” You smile. “But it’s okay, I’d rather make you come first anyway.”

His face lights up despite the disappointment in his gut of not being able to see you get off. 

“You still wanna see me after this?”

You nod with a smile, endeared by his need to give, but inability to do it.

“When are you free?” You ask, wondering if he’s ever going to clean himself up. 

“Whenever you are.” He laughs, scratching the back of his head with, once again, the same cum-stained hand. 

“I’ll text you later then,” You smile through the screen and give a small wave before your genuine smile turns into a smirk. “After I take care of my little problem though.”

You notice him sitting up in protest, but you hang up with a satisfied laugh and head to the shower to both finish yourself off and clean up.

・・・・・・・・・・・・・・

Grandpa Jake: what about 3pm on thurs?

You: you want to lose your virginity at 3pm….on a thursday???

Grandpa Jake: my parents have plans so ill have the house to myself for a few hours

You: or you could just come here? 

Grandpa Jake: if ur comfortable with that? i thought u were supposed to come here lol

You: im comfortable, plus my roommate will kick your ass if you’re weird

Jake contemplates hard on that last part but shrugs over it. Probably a girl thing, and it’s not like he’s an actual creep or anything. You’d be the one with power over him when the two of you are alone anyway. 

You: what about tomorrow, 8pm? 

Tomorrow. Hell yeah, tomorrow. God, he’d show up right the fuck now if you let him. He may live with his parents but he’s got a car. 

Grandpa Jake: send ur address, ill be there :) 

・・・・・・・・・・・・・・

“Tomorrow, you’ll be a man.” Heeseung croaks through the speaker at Jake, totally assuming that this whole virginity loss dating app plan was actually just a joke. 

“Why do you have to say it that way?” Jake groans back, slapping his hand over his forehead and rubbing his temples. “I didn’t think anyone was actually gonna come through, she’s the first one.”

“What makes you think she’s actually gonna send you her address?” Heeseung laughs, once again placing more pity onto his best friend than anything else. “She’s probably not even a real person, you’re gonna end up at some old guy’s house.”

Jake laughs, or snorts really. 

“Oh, she’s real.”

Heeseung sits up in curiosity this time, switching his phone to the other ear with interest. 

“Hm? Have you already met her?”

“Kind of. We like, um,” Jake pauses, wondering if he sounds way too excited to tell him or not. “We facetimed a few hours ago.”

Silence.

“She got naked.”

“Oh ho ho!” Heeseung encourages him. “So you guys did some stuff on facetime and she still wants to meet you?” 

“That’s what I said–wait,” Jake smiles to himself, about two seconds from kicking his feet before realizing what Heeseung just said. “What the fuck is that supposed to mean?” 

“You’re kind of a loser, we’ve been over this.” Heeseung laughs yet again. “Call me when you get your cherry popped or whatever.”

Then he hangs up. 

Grandpa Jake: do u think im a loser?

You: yeah kinda

You’re laughing at his text as you sit across the table from Jay.

“That him texting?” Jay quirks a brow, watching you smile at your phone and practically ignore him. 

You laugh again at Jake’s string of defensive texts before responding with a short “it’s okay, i like losers”, and putting your phone down to finish telling Jay that he’s gonna get kicked out tomorrow for the night. 

“So,” You clap your hands in front of yourself, glaring at Jay. “You’re gonna have to be gone tomorrow at eight because I'm about to literally obliterate this guy.”

“Jesus, I’m scared for him.”

“You should be scared for me. Because, well…” You trail off for a second, scrolling up your texts to see the dick pic Jake sent before the facetime call. “He’s huge and–”

“I did not need to know that.” Jay sighs, scooting back in his chair and standing to his feet. 

“You act like you don’t ask every time I fuck someone.” You roll your eyes at him, smiling. “Weirdo.”

Jay stands there awkwardly before shrugging and lunging for your phone. 

“How big?” He laughs, not actually trying to see the dude’s dick but always way too curious for his own good despite never wanting to be around to hear what the big dicks do to his best friend. 

“Stop prying, you’ll get jealous.”

He scoffs, brushing off his pants of invisible dust and crossing his arms. 

“I’ll have you know, my dick is perfectly sized.”

“I’m sure it is. Anyway, tomorrow, be gone.” 

He nods, sauntering to the living room and flopping down on the couch. 

“Keep it in your room, please. I don’t want to sit on any cum when I get home.”

・・・・・・・・・・・・・・

It’s Thursday. It’s approximately seven in the evening on Thursday and you’re well aware that Jake is probably bubbling with anxiety if his texts are anything to go by. 

So many “are you sures,” so many “you can tell me to leave if you decide you don’t want tos,” and even more “i can’t wait to see yous.”

“Jay, aren’t you supposed to be leaving?” You ask, opening the fridge to pull out a bottle of water. 

You’ve already showered again today, primped yourself up for him really. Everything smooth, soft, and ready to be touched. You wonder if Jake is doing the same, and smile.

“Hm, yeah. But I kinda wanna see him before I leave.”

You turn your head to him with a curious look, glaring only slightly.

“I swear to god if you scare him off, I’m kicking you out.”

Jay laughs, patting the couch as if to invite you to sit with him to ease your own anxiety. He can smell the familiar lotion you use before dates, and he notes that you’ve really tried to look good today. 

“I think you might kill him, if I’m being honest.” Your best friend laughs softly, complimenting you. 

“Thanks, that’s the plan.”

And so, the two of you sit together laughing at stupid comedy shows until your phone lights up at around seven thirty. 

Grandpa Jake: i’m a little early, is that ok? 

“Oh shit, he’s here.” You immediately feel nervous, which is pretty normal for you anyway so it’s easily overlooked by Jay. 

He jumps up, brushing off his clothes and walking toward the kitchen to grab his keys and wallet. 

“Let him in then, I’ll leave when he gets here.”

You give him a knowing look before nodding. 

You: second floor, take a left when you get to the top of the stairs, third apartment on the left.

Within minutes, there’s a very gentle knock on the door and Jay is throwing himself at it to get a look at him. Unfortunately it’s a bit more awkward than he expected it to be. 

Not only did Jake think your roommate was a woman, but he, at the very least, expected you to answer the door. He was preparing himself all day for this moment, to knock on your door and have you open it. At first he thought that maybe he even got the wrong apartment. 

“Oh, I think I got the wrong place, sorry–” 

“Nope, you’re in the right place.” Jay smiles, stepping to the side and opening the door wider for him. “You can come in.”

Jake does, awkwardly. Avoiding eye contact with Jay and barely even looking into the apartment before stepping inside. 

“She got all cleaned up for you.” Jay whispers, throwing Jake a wink before stepping out and closing the door behind him.

Jake still hasn’t really looked up from the floor yet, and you make quick work to make him feel more comfortable. 

“Don’t mind him, that’s my roommate.” You say, making your way toward him and trying your best not to stare because, okay, wow. He’s kind of ten times more attractive in person, which is fucking insane considering how good he looked through a screen. 

“Have you and him ever like…” Jake immediately starts, realizing he might have made things weird. 

“Jay?! Oh, god no.” You laugh, reaching for his arm and feeling him lean into it with relief. “You’re allowed to look up by the way. You’ve been staring at that crack in my floor since you got here.”

Immediately Jake moves his eyes up to you, the eye contact feeling more intense than it should, but you’re locked in too. The awkwardness dissolves almost instantly, he feels no need to question you further about anything really, especially with the way he feels his throat run dry at the very idea of this whole plan actually happening at some point.

When he made his profile on that app, it was kind of a half joke until like, people started talking to him. Given, no one ever followed through but you, he’s happy he stuck with it. Happy you came out of the works from said dating app, happy you picked him. 

Really though, he picked you. Part of you wonders about why you want to take this from him. For power, for control, to be praised, to feel like you’re his entire world of desire for a brief time? All of those things, yes, but you can admit now that he’s in front of you that it’s a bit intimidating. 

He’s not shy at all, just a bit awkward. He seems confident, he seems ready, and you find yourself lucky for being the one to get to do this for him, or with him. If at all, Jake is the type of man you could see yourself hanging out with often, with or without having sex. 

Given, upon seeing him face to face for the first time, the only thing you thought about was how attractive he is. Now though, as you look back at him along with the silence of this apartment offering nothing more than awkwardness, it’s not. Because you’re seeing him for all he is and he appears to not be able to help it. Is this what people mean when they say there’s an instant spark between two people? Despite how attractive he is, you find yourself thinking of how many times he’s made you laugh in the short period of time you’ve known him along with how many times he’s willingly embarrassed himself

And now for the first time, he’s right there and all you want to do is…give him exactly what he wants.

“Okay, listen,” You start, swallowing around a lump in your throat as you feel your body heat up at record speed by just having his eyes looking into yours. You know by this point that you’re not going to be keeping your hands to yourself at all. And for his sake, he’d probably prefer it that way. “If I move too fast, just tell me to stop.”

Jake tilts his head with a dopey smile, eyes still fixed on you, scanning you, coming to terms with the fact that you’re absolutely everything he thought you would be and more. 

“I don’t think that’s gonna be an issue,” He admits, feeling his length confined within his pants twitch wildly at the fact that this is happening. “I struggled not to get hard just driving over.” He laughs, looking away from you for the first time with flushed cheeks. 

You find that painfully adorable. No man would ever admit that to you. Especially after just a few minutes of meeting in person for the first time, but this is Jake and in the short amount of time you’ve known him, you’re kind of expecting him to be really forward and say things that will have you frozen in thought.

“Oh yeah?” You ask, grabbing his hand and leading him to the kitchen. You’re pretending that his apparent inexperience isn’t getting to you, but you’re not really fooling anyone. “Let’s get you some water or something, I can see you drooling.”

Jake laughs, shrugging because yeah maybe he’s drooling a little bit. You smell fucking immaculate, your hand is small in his but still manages to overpower him, your skin feels soft and slightly cold. Honestly, it’s dangerous just having you stand in front of him right now because he could absolutely blow his load just by you looking at him. Embarrassing? Always.

He follows after you, very nearly crowding up to you as the comfort sets in and the last bit of awkwardness leaves his mind. All he can think about is how you sounded over that facetime call. He’s seen what’s between your legs, and during that night all he could think about was touching you, fucking you. 

Now he’s here, and you’re right there. 

It’s hard not to crowd up, it’s hard not to cling to you, it’s hard not to be excited. Seeing your hand wrapping around that bottle of water to give to him, seeing you lean just before grabbing it– of course he’s staring. Of course he’s crowding closer, almost to the point that he’s up against your ass when you lean back up from the fridge.

You turn after grabbing him the bottle and are shocked by his close proximity when you face him. He looks down at you with a soft face, one that shows he’s not embarrassed by how he immediately attaches to you. His smile is just as clumsy as he is, you can tell he knows exactly what he’s doing too. You’re glad, because it makes it entirely too easy to drop the water bottle, grab his face, and chase his lips all the way until he’s against the counter and kissing you back. 

He sighs instantly into it, wincing at the way the kitchen counter hits his back, you pressing against him so harshly just to get that first taste of his lips. He’s excited that you seem as eager as him, maybe even as desperate as him. 

For you, a man has never been this eager just to kiss you, nor has a man ever kissed you this good. You can imagine that he’s probably got a lot of experience in terms of kissing, not much elsewhere though. You can tell by the way he moves his hands to all of the right places, but his blatant virginity shows through all of it as he becomes a horny mess almost instantly. 

His tongue is warm and wet, small whining sounds coming from his throat as you press yourself against him briefly. His hands never leave your body and he shows no shame in touching where he wants to touch. Rubbing, groping, and caressing every inch of your waist, ass, and even moving up to your face to deepen the kiss. His hips press forward almost constantly, and all you can do is brace yourself on the counter behind him to try and tame his relentless hips and obvious attempts at rushing what he wants right now. 

If you’re going to sleep with him though, he’s gonna get the full experience, not a quickie. Plus, you agreed to keep it in your room for Jay’s sake. 

“Hey,” you sigh, trying to pull back from the kiss but he isn’t having it. Still kissing against you and running his lips down to your neck when you continue to speak. “We should go to my room, your first time isn’t about to be in my kitchen.”

“Why not?” He groans against your neck, kissing harshly with faint wet sounds, his hands wrapping tightly around your waist now. “I don’t care where we do it, i just want you like, really bad.”

Still, his lips don’t leave you, nor do his hands. You find yourself giggling against him with a shake of your head at the way he protests when you pry yourself from his grip. Of course, though, he’s immediately clinging to you and chasing after you to your bedroom before practically throwing himself at you again.

You barely get the door closed before he’s pressing you against the wall, hand running down again to your waist and easily snaking up your shirt just to feel the warmth of your skin. You let him, enjoying the way he kisses you for just the second time, enjoying more the way you can feel him lose his composure every few minutes from this alone. 

You’re kind of in love with the fact that he doesn’t seem to want to pull back even for a breath. He seems to love kissing, and you wonder what else he’ll come to love doing tonight too. From the way he moves his tongue and his lips on you, you can imagine he’d be fucking heavenly at eating pussy.

Successfully you push him away again, rushing to your bed before he can make you melt against his lips for a third time, and you’re instantly trying to present yourself to him much like you did over camera. 

“You’re really going to let me?” He asks with a deep breath, brushing his hair out of his face and wiping his mouth. His brain malfunctions at your presumed answer to that question, watching you take your panties and shorts off in one go and leaning back to spread your legs for him. 

At this moment, you’re all his and you make it a point to spread your pussy out for him like he asked you to do before. You can practically see his knees buckle that very instant.

“To think I wouldn’t want to do this is insane,” You say, wiggling your hips for him to see. “Look how wet I am.” You pause, studying the hungry look in his eyes. “Do you wanna try eating me out?”

He doesn’t even nod. He’s immediately on his knees against your bed and gripping your thighs to pull you toward his face. You yelp only slightly at the movement, a chuckle coming out shortly after as you sit yourself up properly to take in the image of his eyes sparkling up at you. 

It looks like he’s been wanting to do this to someone all his life, with his needy body proving it time and time again. Your breath is caught in your throat, a small groan coming out at the image alone before you’re able to process words again. 

“Can’t believe how good you look down there,” You say softly, brushing his hair out of his face for him like he did to himself earlier. “Have you ever done this before?”

He shakes his head, eyes shifting from your pussy to your face. You can feel his nervous yet eager breath against you, making your eyelashes flutter at even that slight sensation. 

“Go on then.” You sigh out, trying to prepare for what he can manage with that pretty mouth of his.

You watch him and the way he doesn’t seem to think at all when he does it. Once again, he’s adorable. His tongue goes everywhere, only grazing your clit briefly every few licks, never staying on it presumably because he’s in the process of finding the clit based on how your body reacts. 

He has a general idea of where it is, but the feeling of having your pussy spread out like this on his lips alone is enough to overwhelm him with arousal, to the point he genuinely doesn’t know what he’s doing. All he can do is taste and smell the mixture of your warmth along with the soap and lotion you must have used before he came here. 

He’s quite literally tasting the entirety of you and loving every second of it. The way his hands grip your legs, both spreading them further open so that he can tilt his head and lick at different angles, and then hugging them to where they almost lock his head in place. 

It feels like he does this for ages, learning your body and what makes your legs shake. He sucks in different places, kissing your entire pussy to the point that it’s almost impossible for your legs not to shake in a reaction at what he’s doing to you.

Dare you say, a man who is inexperienced at eating a woman out somehow feels better than one who knows exactly where to go. 

“Fuck, knew you’d be good at this,” You compliment with a shaky voice, reaching down to his hair and holding his head in place. “Keep licking there, and use your fingers too.” 

He hums without stopping, taking note of where you place his lips and reminding himself that this is the clit, just as suspected. He attaches his lips there, kissing it much like he kissed you in the kitchen. 

You can feel his fingers make their way into you shortly after, each bump of his knuckle sending a delicious sensation throughout your body. You’re tingling from your head to your toes at this point and your face heats up beyond what you thought it would. Your hips move on their own in response, experimentally fucking against his fingers as he keeps his tongue flicking at you. 

“Just like that,” You encourage him, running your hands through his hair and looking down at him. Seeing his head move with each little thrust of your hips is only more arousing in this moment. His eyes half open, watching you, tasting you, almost smiling around your clit when he makes eye contact with you. 

It almost seems like he’s asking if he’s doing well, and goddamn is he. He’s doing amazing.

“So good,” You say shortly, trying to give him the praise he needs while scratching against his scalp as a thank you, still fucking your hips up just to feel his fingers plunge deeper. 

He, on the other hand, is fucking feral right now. Tasting you, dipping his fingers into you, feeling that warmth for the first time, the small clenches— he’s swimming in a fantasy. Every time you move your hips up, he can smell the entirety of you, he can feel your pussy squeeze his fingers, and god. He doesn’t think he ever wants this to end.

All day. He could do this all fucking day. No wonder men make fun of other guys for not giving head. Why wouldn’t they? He can feel your legs tensing up around his head, your gentle fingers running through his hair, the sounds coming from your lips. He’s in love, he’s in love.

He doesn’t stop, tongue flicking your clit so beautifully, fingers slowly fucking in and out of you, not even in time with your jerking hips. Shockingly, you approach orgasm so fucking fast that you can barely warn him, you’re not even thinking when you put pressure on his head, pressing his lips so harshly against your clit— his moan sending a vibration straight through you.

“Faster, with your fingers—“ You choke out in a drawn out and pornographic moan, curling your toes and feeling him do exactly as you say. 

There, you release with his fingers plunging in and out of you, the wet sound of your pussy only sounding more messy by the time you begin to release. In the midst of it all, you feel him pull his lips from your clit and lick around his fingers before coming back up and continuing his ministrations, working you through an orgasm you’re not even sure he knows you’re having right now.

Insane, really, that he needed to taste the messy relief before resuming. 

Strings of curses, little tugs against his hair, legs shaking, all of it happens at once until the feeling of his fingers become sensitive inside of you, until his tongue is flicking a bundle of nerves begging to be left alone. 

You swat him away with a smile, leaning up quickly and grabbing him by the shirt. 

He doesn’t really know what the fuck is going on but he laughs with you, being pulled to his feet and falling onto the bed on top of you. You can feel his cock in his pants, so fucking hard, probably leaking and feeling quite neglected.

“Did you…?” He asks softly, dipping his head shyly with his wet chin shining in the light of your room.

You smile at him, leaning up to kiss him square on the mouth before you flip him over and get between his legs. 

“I did,” You laugh in a daze, starting to work on his button and zipper. You’re reeling from the recent orgasm and want nothing more than to let him feel the same way you do right now. “And now, I'm gonna do the same for you.”

He chokes out a nervous laugh, holding your hand in place from pulling his pants down.

“Unless, you don’t want that?” You ask, tilting your head with a bit of a frown.

“N-No!  It’s not that!” He reassures you, cheeks flushing more than they already were. “It’s just that– like, what if I don’t last very long? I’m kind of sensitive.”

His eyes avoid yours when he says it and once again, most adorable man award goes to fucking Jake.

“You say that like it’s a bad thing?” You lean forward, kissing him again. “You just gave me some of the best head in my life.”

The light in his eyes returns and instantly he’s flashing a nervous smile at you. 

“Jake, I’ve never gotten off that fast from being eaten out.” You reassure him again, making a point to use his name loud and clear. “If you don’t get off from me sucking your cock, I might actually cry.” 

Well, he can’t have that now, can he? 

He releases your grip on his jeans, allowing you to pull them down. For some reason unable to look at you despite knowing you’ve seen him jerk off before. It’s the fact that like, what if it’s suddenly not big enough? What if his cock is ugly or curved in a way you don’t like?

Before he can even start to doubt himself more, he feels your lips on the tip and instantly his eyes are looking down at you. You’re the one smiling now, using one hand to hold his base and the other hand already scooping up his balls for added pleasure. 

You make a point to look him in the eye as you let the saliva collect in your mouth when you pull back slightly. There, you let it fall from the tip of your tongue, all the way until you feel the wetness against your fingers wrapped around his base. 

He thinks he’s going to go fucking insane watching you like this, and god, does he. You don’t even show him your struggle of taking in the sheer size of him. Lowering your mouth until you’re taking him in as much as you can. You try to keep eye contact up until you have to close your eyes. 

It’s not shocking that by the point you get half of his length into your mouth, he’s fucking up without full intention and letting out a choked apology. Still, you try to force your stretched lips to smile for him, even through the gag, even through the harsh feeling of his cock hitting the back of your throat. 

How the fuck has a cock this good not been worshiped before? By a mouth? A hand? A pussy? You’ll be damned not to choke on it. You’d rather eat glass than to let him leave this apartment without being completely emptied and praised for every drop. 

He’s actually struggling already not to come, holding himself back but failing each time his hips chase the warmth of your throat. Each time you gag, it stimulates the fuck out of his cock and he nearly wants to cry each time it happens. Even with that other girl who went down on him, she didn’t even attempt to fit this much in her mouth. Most of the pleasure came from her hand jerking him off while she suckled against his head, but you. You’re down there, slipping your mouth up and down on him like that, gagging, tearing up, and still fucking smiling about it. 

He’s in love.

He holds his hands back at least, keeping them against your sheets and gripping them so hard that he fears he’s ripping through them. Everything feels hot, you look hot, you sound hot, your tongue still manages to move against the base of his cock with what little room it does have, and god– your other hand, massaging his balls. 

“Wait, wait wait–” Jake groans, fucking his hips into your mouth once again until you pull off with a concerned look. 

“Were my teeth hurting you?” You ask, gasping a bit for air.

“No!” He heaves out with fluttering lashes, trying to regain sanity. “I was just getting really close.”

“Hm?” You sigh in disappointment, this time going all in at once and not letting yourself stop until he’s releasing into your mouth. 

You feel his shaking fingers brush your cheek when you do it, hollowing it out just to fit more, more, more into your mouth before lapping your tongue against his base again. 

His groaning turns into frantic moans, his hips jerking wildly, unable to escape the clenching muscles of your gagging throat, and he’s honestly in heaven once again. 

“Ah–wait–fuck.” He tries to protest, not wanting to finish so quickly, but there it goes. There he goes.

Never in his life has he felt an orgasm so satisfying. His eyes roll back and his fingers go numb when he releases, pumping himself deep into your throat and not stopping until he’s dizzy. The fact that you kept your mouth on him through it, the fact that he could still feel you gagging, swallowing, and moaning all at once through it– how?

“How–” he takes a breath, pulling you off of him so you can breathe. “How did you do that?”

You shrug with a confident smile, wiping your tears and crawling up to meet his face. 

“I don’t normally do that for guys.” You say with a rasp in your voice. “I certainly don’t just swallow for anyone.”

He feels special, and fucking spent but god does he want to keep going. His softening cock twitching in a relieving way, probably glad to have finally been touched by something other than his own hand. Part of him wonders if you’re done though, because by now you’ve both gotten off and usually that’s the end goal, right?

But he hasn’t lost his virginity yet, and when he looks at you hovering above him, he already knows you’re not done with him. 

“We need to let you rest until you can get hard again,” You say, kissing him more easily than before and letting him taste himself, letting you taste yourself mixed with him. “What’s something you wanna do to get you back into the game?”

He sighs out a laugh, fucking amazed that you’re his first. How lucky is that? He thinks hard, watching the way you lift your shirt off of yourself. God, he forgot tits existed for a solid part of this day and that’s a shame because instantly his sensitive cock throbs at the image of them coming into view. 

You watch him stare, trailing your hands down and lifting his shirt off of him as well. 

“I– I don’t even know at this point.” He admits with a stammer, ignoring the fact that his hair is definitely sticking up all over from you taking his shirt off of him.

“I’ll just love on you while you think, then.”

He gives a short nod, feeling all warm and fuzzy inside at the way your gentle hands caress his chest and abs before you start kissing against the muscles and soft skin there.

He relaxes his body, feeling your hands and lips on him. You were right when you said you’d love on him as he thinks about it. The hard part of it is actually thinking about what’s going to get him harder the fastest. You doing this could be enough, but your tits. And fuck, your pussy.

He lets out a whine, one that feels entirely out of character and it causes you to pause your gentle kiss against his nipple and pull back.

“Already?” 

He shakes his head, staring straight at your chest and then down to what's between your legs. 

“I want to, um…” He shifts his eyes away from you. “Can I eat you out again?”

That’s new. Twice in one session?

“Oh yeah? Did that get you going?”

You receive a small nod from him before his hands are reaching out for your tits and warming them up. 

You relax into the feeling of his fingers on your chest only for a moment before you pull back again, this time adjusting yourself onto the bed face down, ass up in front of him. Might as well try a bunch of different positions for him too, right?

“Whenever you’re ready.” You sigh, already grabbing a pillow to hug through this. 

You can feel the bed shift behind you, the weight of his body dipping right behind you before you feel his warm breath against your core. Only now do you realize that you already missed the way he ate you out the first time, you can barely contain yourself knowing he’s going to do it again. 

His hands snake between your legs before his lips get any closer, spreading them before pulling his hand back up and spreading your pussy open with his fingers on his own this time. 

“It’s really the prettiest.” He says in a clear and shaking voice, watching the way your hole pulses at the air that hits it. “And I've watched a lot of porn.”

You’d tell him to shut up, but you’re not gonna because it’s cute how forward he is with his thoughts. If anything, he’s treating you right now by doing this, so he can say whatever he fucking wants right now. 

“Yeah? You just gonna stare at it?” You try to urge him, and it works.

Because of course it works. 

You do your best to contain any rising orgasm, solely because you don’t want to spend yourself before you actually let him inside of you in full. But goddamn, he’s just as eager now as he was the first time…if not more. 

He thinks back to the things he did before, mimicking that and hitting all of the perfect spots without fail. Still, you hold back, pushing and pulling yourself away and toward him just to feel his tongue chase. He eventually holds you in place against him, big hands holding you firmly against his face with a bit of force. And now? He’s licking you deeper than you’ve ever been licked before. It’s a different kind of sensation, and the way he groans into it is entirely too much for you right now. 

You need more, you want more. You want all of him by now, so aroused by every touch, breath, and moan that it’s becoming unbearable to just be eaten out. The thought that he’s doing this to get himself hard again is flooring, and the feeling of his fingers replacing his tongue much like before is intense. 

After just that one time, he knows exactly how to make you cum this way and it’s dangerously attractive to realize that. He goes straight for it too, pulling back to watch his fingers slip into you up to the knuckle. 

He hums out a rumbled moan at the sound of your cunt squelching around his fingers. So wet. More wet than any of the girls in the porn he’s watched for years. You’re dripping around his fingers, and the smacking sound is so fucking arousing to him.

And yeah, he can’t reach your clit with his mouth this time so he thinks hard about how to fix this little dilemma and you’re floored even more by the fact that he solves problems without questioning. You feel his fingers leave you and land on your clit, and right then you feel his tongue again, just as deep, licking into you and all over you. 

The sound of your pussy amplifies when it’s against his tongue, and honestly, he could cum right now if he really wanted to. Already he’s hard again, but god feeling you, hearing you, seeing you like this for him? For some guy who has never once been able to give a girl his all like this? 

He’s so focused on you.

Which for you, is a bit of an issue because he’s really not going to let you hold it in, he’s going to have you fucking unravelling again and it’s too good. Thankfully, when you try to lift to look behind yourself, you take note of his other hand working himself. 

He’s hard again, and god knows how long he’s been doing that. 

You pull your body away from him quickly to let your rising orgasm subside, his protesting moan doing nothing but heating your body up more when you flip over and watch him. 

“You were really just going to get me off again and not try to fuck me yet?”

He looks down at himself and then back at you, smiling and running his hand through his hair. 

“I like doing it, I wanted to see if I could make you–”

“You absolutely could have but I’m going to be honest,” You start, interrupting him and pulling yourself up to crawl over him. “If you’re ready, I’d like to live up to my promise.”

His eyes are much sharper than they were before when you say those words. This is actually it. He would have been perfectly happy just eating you out, getting head himself, or whatever. Over and over again. Any and all of it is better than being in his room alone, but you’re really–

“Really?” He asks, knowing full well the answer.. 

“Lay back, get comfortable,” You instruct with deep breaths, scooting up the bed with him, keeping yourself planted on his legs despite the discomfort. “You still want me to ride you, yeah?”

He nods almost frantically, landing his hands on your tits without hesitation and groping them in a blatant show of how ready he’s managed to get himself for this. 

Not that you want to rush, but you’re so fucking turned on by this point, the only thing you want is to be filled by him. His is cock likely bigger than any you’ve taken before, and to be fair, you don’t even care if you’re the desperate one at this point. You’ve almost forgotten he’s a virgin.

“Wait,” He stops you when you slide over his cock, bare pussy coating his length in a languid grind. “Oh, fuck, wait- no,” He breathes in a sharp breath and grips your hips. ”Do that again.” 

You smile at his frantic thoughts pouring from his lips, sliding against him again, and again, up until he’s leaning forward and attaching his lips to one of your nipples and suckling against it hard. 

You groan as you grind, feeling the head of his now, fully hard, cock bumping against your previously stimulated clit. He groans with you, almost at the exact same time but continues to try and leave his mark on you. In love with finally getting your tits in his mouth, your pussy on his cock, and most of all, in love with the fact that you’re not laughing at him for any of it. You seem to melt into it much like he does and he can’t help but want to email the creator of that fucking app and personally thank them for this. 

You rub yourself against him until it’s even more unbearable than before. By now, you’ve completely soaked his length and he’s completely soaked your chest in saliva and tiny swollen bite marks. Not that you mind the biting, his little rumbled grow-like moans only made this all the more arousing.

“Ready?” You finally sigh out, deliberately grinding against him slowly now, with almost your entire weight behind the grinds. 

He groans out a “please” before immediately gripping your hips and stopping you. Pulling his head back so hard and so quickly– he kind of forgot to unlatch from your nipple and it sends a sharp pain throughout your body, one that only makes you want to ride him hard. Right now. 

“Hold on, there’s a condom in the pocket of my jeans–”

“Okay, and?” You laugh, sliding forward again and grinding your clit against him. “I’m on birth control, and I’m clean.” 

He looks at you, his sharp eyes falling back into the sparkling doe eyes as his mouth falls open at the very idea that he gets to hit is fucking raw for the first time? 

“Unless you’re lying, and you’re not really a virgin?”

He’s quick to silence your doubt. He’s 100% never had his cock inside of anything other than his own palm and– malfunction. He’s blank again, staring up at you and wincing at the feeling of you pleasuring yourself on top of him. 

“Please?” He manages to get out, gripping your hips so tightly by now that he’s sure it’s hurting you. 

You smile, humming at him when you lift from him, standing on your knees to grab his cock and position him in the right place. 

“You sure you want it too?” You ask, only now realizing that you’re genuinely about to take a man’s virginity, and it’s only fair that you give him one last time to decide if he wants you to take it from him. Despite how turned on you are, and regardless of how badly you want to fuck him, it’s not right to just do it without making him really think about it. 

“Fuck, yes.” His fingers tighten against you, his eyes squeeze shut, and his voice comes out as frantic and quite frankly, a bit annoyed. “Just do it already.” 

You can’t help but smile at him when you do. Lowering yourself slowly on him and feeling the stretch of it. His face is something that you don’t think you’ll ever forget. He appears to be lost in it, eyes rolling back, his chest heaving, his teeth showing through a half-smile as he moans out at the sensation. 

He can’t get over how warm it is inside of you, the constant clenching of your pussy dragging along his entire length. He can’t help it when he moans, he doesn’t care that his voice cracks, or that it sounds like a pathetic sob. 

By the time you bottom out and sit like that for a moment, you almost feel like he’s the one who needs to adjust. Of course, you’re needing this moment to adjust too but god– just watching him makes you that much more wet and it’s insane how into him you are right now. As if you haven’t been since you started talking to him.

“Feels good?” You ask, involuntary clenching around his size, letting out a small sigh yourself at the feeling of his leaking cock inside of you. 

He hums at you and then takes in a deep breath before fully opening his eyes again and looking at you. Technically, he’s no longer a virgin now. It’s fucking happening, and you’re hot? So fucking hot? You feel so good? You smell so good. You sound so fucking good. 

Everything is overwhelmingly good, all he can do now is press his hips up and instantly moan out at the new feeling. 

You take that as an invitation to absolutely obliterate him, much like you knew you would. So, you do. Lifting yourself up and sliding him almost entirely out of you before sinking down again. 

His hands shoot to your waist, then he lifts slightly to grab your ass from behind you, and then he flops himself back– seemingly unable to know what the fuck to do with himself at this feeling. 

You opt to grab his hands, intertwining your fingers with his and holding them above his head, all so you can lay chest to chest with him, lips right at his neck. You start kissing, riding him so smoothly and doing nothing but listening to his little sounds that he tries to keep inside. 

“You’re really cute, you know that?” You whisper against his ear, kissing there too before pulling back to look at his face.

That half-smile never leaves his face, and his fingers squeeze against yours so tightly that you actually start to worry that he may break them. Thankfully, he begins to relax after a few minutes. Adjusting to the overwhelming pleasure and now losing himself to the arousal rather than fighting it. 

You nearly squeak when you feel him release your hands and grab your face, pulling you up to him as he kisses you mindlessly. Breathlessly, moaning into your mouth all while moving his own hips now. You can feel him jerk his hips, imagining how he fucked his hand through facetime. This is better than that.

You prop to stand up on your knees, offering him the space to fuck you as hard as he’d like, and god. It’s hard. It’s deep, and it’s so clumsy. No rhythm, no thought behind it at all, you can fucking tell he’s purely running on adrenaline as he plunges into you. 

He’s actually going so hard, that your moans sound more pained than pleasurable, but that’s not the case at all. You actually can’t stop moaning, it’s just the fact that each time he slams into you, your throat lets out a broken sound. 

For a moment, you think you can actually hear him unintentionally growl against your slack lips as he does it. Already he’s lasted longer than you thought he would, especially without a condom, and you’re so fucking impressed by it. 

You slide your hand between your bodies, easily rubbing your own clit and drying out your throat even more with the consistent loud moans of how good he’s doing. After a few moments though, his hips stutter and you take that as a sign that you should take over again.

“I don’t know how the fuck you’re doing this to me,” You laugh out of pity for yourself, “I really thought I could last longer than this.”

He barely hears you through his ringing ears and rapid heartbeat, but he chuckles at the compliment. Feeling like he must be doing something right to have a woman say that to him. There’s one issue. He’s about two thrusts from cumming again and he will be damned to ruin this for you. 

You take over, riding him harshly and rubbing your clit even harder. He takes a moment to try and distract himself from how good your pussy feels clenching him and takes it upon himself to bite down hard against his tongue. Something to hurt enough to keep his orgasm from bubbling over, but also not something so awful that he’d lose his arousal entirely. 

You continue, pushing yourself back up from him and watching the way he tries to focus on anything but what’s happening. You ride deliberately to get him off though, knowing that the second he does, you’ll let yourself go too. He doesn’t seem to be picking up the hints. 

“Are you close?” You ask, out of breath and riding him so consistently that it’s becoming more and more difficult to hold your own orgasm. “Let it go, do it with me–”

Instantly, you hear him whimper out a moan as he releases the bite on his tongue. Shooting himself forward and hugging you so tightly that the pressure of your fingers against your clit is entirely unbearable. 

“Oh, god. I’m–” You start, moaning against his hair as he hugs against you.

He’s so fucking relieved, already releasing into you as you say those words. All he can do is breathe through it, feeling your pussy pulse around him as he continues to empty himself into you. 

It’s entirely too intense, his ears popping and heart threatening to send him to a hospital. Never did he think having sex was this intense. 

Little does he know… it’s not. But even you, for some reason, find yourself wondering why the fuck that was so good. 

By the time you pull yourself off of him, both of you wincing and trying to ignore the mixture of cum running down your legs, all you can do is look at him with curiosity. 

He can barely open his eyes to look back at you, but he tries, he really does. 

・・・・・・・・・・・・・・

He’s not going home tonight. Of course he’s not. Like, how fucking rude would it be to take his virginity and send him on his way? Absolutely the fuck not.

In fact, you made him some food, wobbling on spent legs throughout the kitchen as he lays on his death bed in your room. (He’s being dramatic.)

All he can do is listen to the sounds of you in the other room and think hard about how he just felt. Physically, it was a lot. Surely if sex is like that all the time, he’d rather not do it as often as Heeseung does. Honestly, his sanity would be at stake. 

But like, you’re kind of amazing. Given, the two of you barely know each other past lame texts and bullying each other. Physically, you know him more than any other woman and that’s a block he didn’t think would be an issue until it became one.

You made him cum twice. And he thinks you did too, unless you’re lying just to make him feel better. There’s no way you didn’t feel the intensity of that though. There’s no way your wobbling legs were lying to him when you got up and told him you wanted to have a snack before bed.

There’s no way you would let him sleep over if you didn’t feel the same way he does right now.

And by the time you’re back, handing him a plate of food, he can’t help but believe that nothing will ever taste as good as you.

The thing is, that’s one of the main reasons you did this. To be praised, to have a man think you’d be the best he will ever have until he eventually meets someone else and they do better than you did. Now though, you feel weird. 

This is a one night stand. A charity-fuck, as it still stands at least. 

“So,” You start, taking a bite of your food still as naked as can be regardless of how stupid it must look to be eating in a cum-soaked bed like this. “I guess you should change your bio in the app now.”

He looks at you, and then at his food.

“Yeah, I guess I should…” 

“I’ll help you fix your age on it. Now that you know what you’re doing with a woman and all.”

It’s silent for a minute.

“Is it too forward if I say that I’d rather just delete the app and keep calling you?”

Thank fuck Jake is forward and embarrassing with it. You’re not ready to give up the single life but on the other hand, after that, you’re not exactly ready to share him with other women just yet either. If he wants to attach himself for a while, you’re going to let him. Purely because, like, look at him. Everything is endearing, and when he’s not being adorable he’s just being fucking hot.

Maybe you will be ready to give up the single life if it’s with Jake. 

You nod with a smile, wondering if he expects you to delete the app too. Because you’re not so sure about that, but also you think you probably would if he asks with those stupid doe eyes. 

Strangely enough, he doesn’t even ask. He just starts eating the food with a content look on his face. Sweat having dried up but left his hair a mess, his skin is glowing– you think…oh no. Why are you looking at him like this?

“Hey, I should probably call Jay and tell him not to come home until late tomorrow or something.”

Jake nods, lifting his eyes to you and watching you take your phone out. 

“I should call my friend too, he told me to let him know when I get my cherry popped.”

You snort at him with a laugh right as Jay answers the phone, and honestly, you’d rather listen to Jake’s friend than Jay whining about having to spend even more time with his overbearing parents. 

“Hey Jay, don’t come home 'til I call you tomorrow, bye.” You say quickly before hanging up. 

Instantly you’re setting your plate on your table and launching yourself at Jake and his phone. 

“Put him on speaker.”

Jake does just that, laughing at Heeseung’s reaction when he hears you speak rather than his best friend over the line. 

・・・・・・・・・・・・・・

[sweet-as-an-angel]

Rough Sex w/ MW2

Warnings: 18+, Heavy Smut, Rough Sex, Restraining, Stomach Bulging, Unprotected Sex, Sexual Punishment, Use of a Strap-On, Implied Blow Job, Possessive Sex, Dehumanisation, Slut Shaming, Reader Blaming, Hair Pulling, Slight Dumbification, Blood, Dirty Talk, Profanity, Pet Names, No Pronouns used for Reader except ‘You’.

Ghost

“Just a stupid little whore, aren’t ya,” Simon growled as he pounded you from behind, fingers gripping your hips so tightly that phantom bruises descended upon your skin. The slickness of your abused hole did little to numb the pain of Simon’s rapid, unrelenting pace, of his engorged tip slipping deeper and deeper inside you, plugging you, making any form of escape from your impending unravelment impossible.

You could feel his cock, hot, heavy and ravenous, pulsating inside you, bringing you to the edge of electric euphoria with every thrust. 

“Good for nothin’ except takin’ my cock.” He spat, his hand sliding up your spine and rooting itself in your hair. He gripped at the base and pulled your head back, hissing in your ear.

“Isn’t that right, Darlin’?”

You wanted to speak. Wanted to tell him you were his, only his, but the words wouldn’t come out quick enough.

When you didn’t answer in time, he stopped. Pulled out, only the swollen tip remaining lodged inside.

Without warning, he pushed. Hard.

You’d felt full before, but this sudden influx of skin and muscle and heat was too much. It knocked the air out of you, made you cry out as Simon sank balls-deep inside you, impaling your shuttering, wanting body on his dick. He grunted, his grip on your hair tightening.

“That’s it,” he said as you whimpered, cried out. “Take it — take it like the slag you are.”

König

“You wanted this – you wanted me to take you. Fucking attention whore,”

König’s voice reached depths you didn’t think possible as he bounced you on his cock, his stomach coated in your juices as he lay beneath you, thrusting up to plant as much of his member in the tight cavern of your hole as possible.

Even from where he lay, he could see the outline of himself within you. He twitched. Tried to stave off from painting your insides white for just a little longer.

You had no choice but to take it – your wrists bound behind your back with König’s belt – to take every inch of König’s cock.

He stretched you out to lengths you didn’t think possible as he pulled you down onto the base of his member, causing tears to stream down your face as he hit a sliver of you you didn’t think existed.

“God, you’re nothing without me,” he asserted, teeth gritted and restraint pushed to the very limit. “Nothing but a rag doll on the end of my dick – only made for me to use as I please.”

You knew it was true, especially with the coil within you verging on snapping, sending you over the precipice of ruin. König gave you a sly, thin grin.

“Nobody else can fuck you like this, can make you cry like this.” His grip on your waist proved he wasn’t lying, shortened nails leaving crescent indents in your skin.

“I’ll make sure of it.”

Soap

“Don’t tell me you’re cryin’ on me now, Darlin’,” Johnny said, not an ounce of sympathy or empathy in his voice. If anything, the realisation that you were just about holding on as he railed you from behind seemed to make him go faster, push harder, knocking his thick, meaty cock into you at a pace that could only be savage.

“C’mon, show me you can take it. I know you can,” he goaded — or perhaps encouraged. You couldn’t be so sure, especially as you could barely string a thought together, never mind the inclination to ask. He watched you, made dead eye contact with you through the mirror that put your undoing on display for him, his eyes piercing and ice.

At your silence, Johnny slapped your backside. Harsh. You yelped at the sting and jolted forwards, only for Johnny to wrap a hand around your throat and pull him back. His balls were flush against your backside, the tightness of your bodies together making him grunt.

“C’mon, mo ghaol — tell me how much you need this dick — show me how much you deserve it.” He squeezed your throat.

Valeria

“You were begging to be used by me — wearing those tight shorts like I wouldn’t notice.” Valeria punctuated her point with a harsh thrust, sending you banging against her desk, ribs aching, pressed against sleek wood. Everything hurt.

The strap-on she’d chosen was one she reserved only for correcting your most egregious behaviour. Apparently, this extended to your fashion choices, too.

“Trying to make my men lose focus, huh? Is that it?” The sound and sensation of your body welcoming the cruel length of her weapon made your cheeks flush and your hole clench, trying to pull it deeper, begging for punishment.

“Have I not given you enough attention? Or are you just hungry for anyone who lays eyes on you,”

You whimpered, trying to keep your head level as your girlfriend battered your insides with nothing less than animalistic fervour and rage.

“You wanna dress like a cheap whore,” she said, voice deep and husking as she lowered her lips to your ear. “Then I get to fuck you like one — my whore.”

Price

“I love you,” he panted. “I love you, I love you, I love you–”

He couldn’t stop – these last few hours with you would be all he had before he had to go on deployment again. And he was determined to make them count.

He’d stuffed himself into you, made light work of grinding your sanity down to its bare foundations as your body shook with the onset of another orgasm.

You were already so sensitive, every knock of his tip against your sensitive spot sending equal euphoria and pain through you.

“Gonna cum in you again,” he said, voice lethargic, words slurred like the blurring edges of watercolours. “Gonna get it as deep as possible. Want it still in you by the time I reach Base.”

The many loads of cum he’d already pumped into you weighed heavy in your belly, almost creating its own centre of gravity as you fought to keep your swollen stomach off the mattress. Anytime you failed, the sensitivity of your skin, the feeling of his load stagnant inside you, made you wince.

You could feel John’s cum leaking out of you as he plunged deep, deeper still, forcing his seed out of the small spaces which weren’t suffocated by his almost impossible girth. 

Horangi

“Been stretching you out for hours and you’re still- ngh— fuckin’ tight.” Hong-Jin said, almost as if chiding you. He grunted, balls-deep yet nowhere near satisfied, his resolve being milked from him.

“Gonna need to–” he grunted, “break you in,”

Without warning, he pulled out – only halfway – and plunged back inside you with an almighty push. One that, despite not having the power of his whole length behind it, forced a strangled moan from you.

His breath caught as he felt himself slip into a deeper, darker part of you, one which seemed to try and reject him as your hole pulsed uselessly around him, as if to push him out.

He persisted. Hissing.

When he pulled out, he spotted something.

A small streak of blood along his shaft.

“Doing so well for me, Love,” he groaned, slipping back in and re-establishing a rhythm. You mewled beneath him.

“God, you’re so good — just lying down and taking it – like my own personal fleshlight.”

Alejandro

“So this is why you’ve been acting so strange recently, hm?” Alejandro spoke between pants, arms at either side of your head, blocking off everything that wasn’t him. He gritted his teeth, grunted at the feeling of you tightening around him as he brutalised you with his savage pace, stretching you out and making your hole spasm around his cock.

“Just needed a good fuck, didn’t you?”

You were all but drooling as Alejandro quite literally fucked you dumb, no thoughts in your head save for the desperate electricity between your legs.

When you didn’t answer — or rather couldn’t, for your mind was scarcely able to keep itself intact for the feeling of ruin rapidly descending upon you — Alejandro took your chin between his fingers and forced you to focus on him.

“Didn’t you.” He repeated. To that, the fire in his eyes, you managed a sloppy ‘yes’. Alejandro hummed, pressed himself closer, chest-to-chest.

“Don’t worry, Cariño — we’ve got all night to fuck that pretty little mouth back into working order.”

Rudy

Years of toil, training and discipline have shaped Rudy into the unsuspecting behemoth he is today; as was evident in the way you cried out when his dick skewered you, stretching you out and making your back arch against the mattress. He felt himself pressed to the wall of your abdomen as your stomach met his. He shivered.

“He can’t fuck you like this,” he said, voice low and seething, the intonation of a snake. His usual puppy-eyes were sharp, as if of a feline disposition. He watched you as your eyes, almost having rolled back into your skull, refused to meet his.

“Nobody can have you. You’re mine — only mine.” He slammed into you faster, giving you no preparation and only using the wetness already dripping from between your thighs there to slip in. 

“Now, tell me who you belong to.”

Your mouth, agape with silent pain, released nothing. Rudy raised his hand, slapped you. You yelped, the sting sending a shock between your legs. You clenched around him. He growled, head dipping to your collarbone, where you could feel his breath, scorching and unrelenting.

“Let’s try this one more time,” he rasped. When he looked up, his eyes were black. Gone was the man you loved.

“Or I won’t be so forgiving.”

Graves

“You like bein’ used by me, don’t ya,” Graves panted, struggling to keep up with the pace of his own euphoria. He could tell you were close, too, from the way tears streamed down your cheeks and how you suctioned around him, pulling him deeper, pleading with him for more.

“Love bein’ my favourite little cum dump — so well-behaved, just for me.”

Nothing could be truer as you felt him thrusting into you at a speed that suggested anger. 

“Never be good for anything except taking my cock like a good slut.”

Your tongue lolled out from the corner of your mouth, drool dripping onto the sheets as Phillip allowed you your silence, especially considering how you’d earned it. Your obedience, your willingness to take everything he gave you. You scratched just the right part of Graves’ ego that had sustained him for this long.

His eyes glinted as he looked down at you.

“Ain’t that right, Doll.”

Gaz

Gaz’s change in personality, admittedly, frightened you. Especially as he stood over you now, having bound your hands together tied them over your head to the bed frame.

You’d tried encouraging him to just touch you already, to take you now as you were bound and helpless. Hell, you’d even ground yourself against his boot, working yourself up into a frenzy all in an effort to make him crack.

He didn’t.

“Oh no,” he said, wagging a finger at you. “You don’t get my dick yet.”

Already having used his belt to immobilise you, he unzipped his jeans and pulled them down to his thighs along with his boxers. Half-hard and beading at the tip, he eyed you, a cruel smile at his lips.

“I’m gonna fuck your face so hard,” he continued, taking you by the hair and forcing your lips to his pulsing member, watching your eyes widen. “That you’ll be eating through a tube for the rest of the week.”

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[literatecowboy]

Dr. Feelgood

1. On Punishment

Read Part 2 Here Summary: You've been in trouble at work several times before for "lack of professionalism" but now you've gone too far. You've been reassigned to Task Force 141 as a temporary doctor to replace the ones they've made quit out of frustration. You must either prove yourself and earn your former position back at a prestigious military hospital in California or face dishonorable discharge. Author's Notes: This is my first fanfiction - please be gentle. Additionally, the reader's callsign is "Feelgood." I have done my best to write the reader as ambiguous regarding appearance, but she/her pronouns and AFAB anatomy will be utilized. I hope for this to be a slow-burn romance with Simon "Ghost" Riley. Warnings: Gunshot wounds, medical terminology and procedures, finger up the butt, new/unsure writer

-----

“Hey man, I don’t want to beat around the bush. I glanced at your x-rays earlier and I’m impressed by how far you managed to get that bottle up your ass. Next time I’d advise opting for something with a flared base though, alright?” you said, pulling up a swiveling stool to your patient’s bedside. He stared at you, mouth agape, his cheeks flushed. 

“Blockages are pretty serious and this thing isn’t going to come out on his own, so I’ll be taking you into surgery shortly, my team is getting a theater prepped and then the anesthesiologist will come back and we’ll get this show on the road. Will your daughter be staying here to wait during your surgery?” you asked, swiveling to look at the much younger woman sitting at the man’s bedside, holding his hand. The man in the hospital bed went fire-engine red. 

“She’s my wife!”

–

“Look, I’m sorry, okay? I was just trying to be concise. And mistaking the wife for his daughter is an honest mistake, she looked half that guy’s age!”

“Well then allow me to be concise - you’re lucky you still have a job. That “guy” is a very important man on this installation and speaking to him in such a disrespectful manner will not go unpunished, doctor.” Klein, one of the hospital administrators, said. The exhaustion and frustration were evident in his voice but he still stared you down with focused eyes. 

“He already has a new doctor and you’ve already taken me off of his case. I won’t have to see him again. Isn’t that enough? Are you gonna make me clean the medication fridges again?” you asked with a sigh, rubbing your forehead. You could feel a headache coming on. 

“You’re being transferred to–”

“What?! Klein, you know that’s a sweeping overreaction. Come on, I’ll even do a professional development training course or something.” 

“As I was saying, you’re being transferred to an installation in the United Kingdom. There’s a task force there that just had their doctor quit and–”

“Fucking England? What the fuck, Klein, you’re shipping me off to a different continent just because some asshole got offended?”

“You’ll temporarily fill in as their doctor until a permanent replacement is found. If, by the time that is done, you have found empathy and learned to hold your tongue, you will be welcomed back. If you have not you will be dishonorably discharged.” Klein finished. You sat frozen for a moment. 

“Who’s fucking idea was this?”

“The base commander you insulted thought it up. He believed it to be an excellent way to give you a taste of your own medicine.” Klein said. 

“Oh yeah, what? Think I can’t slap bandaids on soldiers?” you asked with a scoff, shaking your head and throwing back your seat as you stood up. 

“I wouldn’t be no nonchalant about this, doctor. Task Force 141 has had two doctors quit on them in the past year. From my understanding an intelligence agent put out a desperate call for a replacement more than two weeks ago and nobody has answered the call.”

“I’m not so easily discouraged, Klein, don’t worry about me. I’ll be back here soon enough anyway and it’ll be like I was never gone.”

–

Over the next handful of days, a military plane carried you across the pond with your belongings and delivered you into the jaws of Task Force 141’s home base. As the plane’s ramp lowered to reveal melancholy gray skies you felt mildly dejected that England hadn’t greeted you with the warm, sunny weather you’d been accustomed to in California. 

“Oh, Doc’s a lass!” a Scottish-tinged voice startled you out of your sudden fascination with meteorology and you glanced down, taking your first step down the ramp. 

“And you…aren’t English. But you are I take it.” You smiled hesitantly, scanning the faces of the two men in front of you. 

“And an American! Got any more surprises for us? It’s like bloody Christmas on this airstrip!” the one with the mohawk said with a grin. You couldn’t help but laugh. 

“So you knew I was coming but don’t know anything about me? Some special forces you are.” you teased. 

“Price didn’t tell us a new doctor was coming until last night and wouldn’t let us snoop. Only said you go by Feelgood on the field.” the one in the hat said. 

“That’s me. Who’re you guys?” you asked, stepping the rest of the way off the plane and looking around at your surroundings. 

“I’m Soap, that’s Gaz. Price is our captain but he’s up to his neck in papers inside, you’ll meet him later. There’s also Ghost, but he’s out right now on a solo mission. Should be back tonight.”

“What does someone do to get that kind of emo kid calling?” you asked with a snort. Soap and Gaz glanced at each other. 

“Just…you’ll know him when you see him,” Gaz interjected. “Come on, we’ve been instructed to show you to your workspace and quarters.” The two lead you inside and through a maze of twisting and intersecting corridors, pointing out landmarks as they went. 

“Mess is back there, and so is the main gym. Laundry is to your right and take that door to head outside to the parade deck and practice range.” Gaz had explained with Soap jutting in to joke about the quality of military food. You had quipped about the blandness of English food which had made him laugh and Gaz roll his eyes. Eventually, you’d been led to your workstation - the 141’s small medical bay. 

“This is…it?” you’d asked warily. It was dusty and not a piece of equipment in the room had been turned on recently. The boxes of medical gloves sat unopened but medical supplies and wrappers littered the room. There were a few spots of blood on the floor beneath a gurney. 

“We’ve been mostly fixing ourselves up since the last doc quit,” Gaz admitted. 

“And not using gloves. Do you know how easy it is to get an infection if you don’t know what you’re doing?” you growled, gingerly picking up a used needle and disposing of it in the sharps bin.

“We’re still alive, lass. That’s what matters.” Soap said with a grin. You closed your eyes and took a deep breath. 

“Right, I can see why coming here was a punishment now,” you muttered under your breath so neither of them could hear. 

“Can we show you to your room now? We want to go out later and we need time to get ready.” Soap asked, cocking his head. 

“I can take it from here.” a voice called out from the frosted glass doorway, making you turn. 

“You must be Captain Price, and that must make you the one allowing these men to doctor themselves with minimal knowledge. Don’t worry, we’ll fix that,” you said, taking in the bucket hat and mutton chops with a blink. He looked slightly taken aback and smiled. 

“Feelgood, isn’t it? Don’t forget why you’re here. Laswell filled me in.” he said.

“What? Why are you here?” Gaz asked, turning to look at you quizzically. You sighed, slumping your shoulders. 

“I’m on punishment,” you muttered lowly, making Soap guffaw. 

“Aw, lass, we’re your punishment? I shoulda been mean,” he said with a laugh. 

Before you could retort all three of their comms crackled to life. 

“Hope that doctor made it in, Price. I’m coming into base and he better be ready. Been shot.” A gruff, heavily accented voice echoed across the room. Autopilot took over your body instantly. 

“You two-” You thrust two fingers out at Soap and Gaz. “Take that gurney from against the wall and meet him outside. Lay him down, put pressure on the wound, and bring him in quickly.”

“And you-” you thrust a finger at Price. “Get me supplies. Get IVs ready to go. Be prepared to find me things while I work.” you barked. 

Immediately you ran for the sink, tossing your jacket aside and hurriedly scrubbing up and down your arms and hands before drying yourself and gloving up. You threw on a gown, a mask, and a cap and gloved up again. As you turned around the doors burst open and Soap and Gaz came in pushing a gurney with a massive man covered in tactical gear and a skull balaclava draped over the top.

“Where is it? Get that gear off.” you barked, angling a light down from the ceiling and angling it towards your patient. 

“Stomach,” he grunted, grabbing his vest and dragging it away. He was panting and blood dripped onto the floor as the vest fell off. 

“Scissors.” you barked. It took a moment for Price to pass them to you and you shot him an exasperated look when you saw his bare hand. 

“All of you, glove the fuck up! Gowns on, masks on!” you shouted, tossing the scissors to the side and grabbing a fresh pair. You snipped carefully across where the blood was concentrated and pulled the fabric to the side. 

“Anterior abdomen entry, near the flank.” You pressed gauze to the wound and waved your hand at Soap. 

“Turn him over slightly. Gently!” you warned. On the count of three, you worked together with the Scot to gently lift Ghost from the side to examine his back. 

You exhaled when you found an exit wound and pressed more gauze to it, gently helping Soap lay the big man back down.

“Clean through but you’re not out of the woods yet.” you barked. Through the balaclava you could see that Ghost’s eyes were glassy - he was struggling to focus.

“Stay with me, big guy. Gaz, hold pressure on that entrance wound.” you barked. 

“Price, help me with these pants and boots,” you ordered. So far the three had been excellent at following your orders, but at this, the captain faltered. 

“What for, doc-”

“Do as I say!” you barked, turning to insert a needle into Ghost’s vein and get the IV drip going. Price fumbled with Ghost’s boots as Soap undid his lieutenant's pants sheepishly, dragging them down. You tossed a blanket over Ghost’s legs and gritted your teeth.

“This is your only warning to turn around. You won’t want to see what I’m doing.” you snapped, lubing your finger and slipping your hand beneath the blanket and into Ghost’s boxers. 

“Sorry man,” you mumbled quietly. Price and Gaz had managed to turn around in time but as Soap realized what you were doing, a look of horror overtook his features. 

As gently as you could manage, you slid a finger into Ghost’s ass. 

–

Hours later you sat alone on a bench in your medical bay chugging coffee. 

Things had gone well as they could have given the circumstances. After confirming no intestinal damage had been done by the bullet and stabilizing Ghost, you set him up in one of the hospital beds in your ward and treated the rest of his comparatively minor injuries. As he had lay, unconscious while being rehydrated and given a blood transfusion, you had begun cleaning what had immediately been established as your domain. 

Soap had bailed as soon as Ghost was stable, muttering about needing a drink after what he’d seen. Gaz had followed after sitting by his lieutenant for some time. Price was the last to leave but he still came in and out sporadically to bring you coffee and help with the cleanup. A gentle rapping on the door pulled you out of your thoughts. You glanced up.

“Hungry?” Price asked. There was a tray in his hands, and two plates sat atop it. 

“God, yes, please. I haven’t eaten since before I got here,” you admitted, offering Price a smile as he sat beside you. 

“I don’t think it’ll be as good as the ones from where you’re from, but I got burritos from the mess.” he offered, unveiling the plates. You both ate in silence, staring off into space, punctuated only by the beeping of Ghost’s heart monitor.

“I’m sorry for snapping at you all,” you said after a moment, wiping refried beans from your cheek with your sleeve.

“No, please, you were right to order us around. I don’t think I’ve ever watched…that…before. What you did was incredible.” Price admitted. 

“It wouldn’t have happened without your support. I’ll make nurses of the lot of you. That is if I don’t get killed when big guy remembers my finger in his ass.” you muttered. Price choked on his food. 

“Is that what the pants thing was about?” he asked hesitantly after a minute.

“It’s essentially a check for intestinal damage. If you ever get shot, stabbed, or blown up you’ll get the same treatment,” you said matter-of-factly. Price blinked. 

“Remind me not to in that case,” he said with a chuckle. More silence passed. 

“How’d you manage to run off so many doctors?” you asked after a moment. Price grunted. 

“Not me, love. I guess you’ll find out when he wakes up.” he nodded toward Ghost. You sucked in a deep breath. 

“You’re suggesting two extremes. One possibility is that your task force has a severe case of the man flu and needs to be babied to an extreme. The second possibility is that the second his eyes come open he’ll be off the bed and he’ll refuse treatment until he gets shot again.” you said. 

“That’s about it, especially with him,” Price grunted, nodding at Ghost again. You sighed. 

“I’ve restrained men before and I’ll do it again, captain. I’m not afraid,” you said boldly, polishing off your burrito and watching Ghost’s chest as it rose and fell. 

“You left the balaclava on - that’s good. There’s hope for your survival yet, love.” Price said. He patted your knee good-naturedly and rose, picking up the tray to take back.

“I’ll send one of the boys in later tonight to give you a break so you can sleep,” he said, headed for the door. You nodded quietly and got up to continue cleaning and reorganizing your med bay, determined to make it home.

“Oh, and one more thing - welcome to England.” Price said as the door shut behind him.

[cheegu3]

Hi, can i request yandere Enha reaction when their s/o is depressed by all the scars they made, like feeling ugly and disgusting, covering all their body even if they're not allowed to go out so nobody sees the cuts and bruises they have. Also crying everytime they shower and not wanting anyone touch them not even holding hands.

Hope this doesn't make you uncomfortable, take your time if you write it, take care also drink water and rest well ❤️💕💖

ur so sweet, it makes me wish this isn't something you struggle with irl :c, please take care of yourself too <3

tw / trigger warning; yandere themes, scars, reader is depressed, insecurity, abusive relationships, sexual themes (+ sexual coercion), manipulation, some of them are mean abt the scars, mentions of cheating

Enhypen - having an s/o who is insecure about their scars

Jungwon

He would be pretty understanding, it's not like he wanted to hurt you and leave those reminders on your body anyway. He just had to, because of all those times you misbehaved.

Instead of disgust, he encouraged you to look at it as a reminder. Hearing that was like getting slapped in your face. A reminder - of what his gentle hands could do once he turned into a monster. Or it could only make you feel regret instead, blaming yourself that you didn't do what he asked back then.

Either way Jungwon would leave you to figure out those things on your own. Comforting you every time you cried felt like a bit of a nuisance, and he was sure you'd get over it soon enough.

He pretty much continues like usual. When he hears you crying in the shower he rolls his eyes; but once you were out, eyes puffy and red, he'd let you come to him, rolling up on the bed while he gently pats your back, the only place that didn't have scars.

When you flinch away from his touch, he first gets annoyed but then leaves it. Again, he was optimistic that you'd come around soon enough.

'' Can you come out now? You've been crying for twenty minutes non-stop. '' Jungwon sighed, delivering a few more rapid knocks on the bathroom door.

You were curled up with your back pressed against the bathtub, the warm water long forgotten. Dried tears left on your cheek were painted over with new ones that seemed to fall like an endless stream.

You were just going to take a quick bath, having mustered up the courage to do so a few days after the last time he hurt you. But as you lifted your nightgown, you shrieked in horror, a look of hatred overtaking your features.

A new, long wound had formed on your thigh, its redness stinging in your eyes. Immediately, you had pulled the gown down and then you just kept crying.

'' No, go away please. '' you begged with your hoarse voice.

You heard your boyfriend sigh again through the door, and then footsteps as he decided to leave you alone to drown in your misery.

Heeseung

He was visibly and very loudly irritated with your behavior. Nonchalant any time you’d show the scars in his face to show what unforgivable things he’d done to you. He’d shrug and a small smirk curled his lips.

“ So what? “

It would make you burst into tears if you weren’t already crying from his coldness. He wouldn’t care to comfort you, soothe your insecurities or give you sweet words.

No apologies, no guilt nor empathy - no nothing, only anger and demands.

Most of all, he was irritated at the fact that you didn't want him to touch you. Sure it was kind of useful since it meant you'd be repulsed if anyone else tried it too, soothing his usual jealous persona. But to feel that way about him touching you as well felt a bit too much.

'' You're fucking unbelievable, do you know that? '' Heeseung scoffed.

He sounded almost disgusted with you, somehow making you feel even worse about yourself even though you knew he was clearly in the wrong.

His face twisted and he looked at you with so much hate that it made pain shoot through your body.

'' I'm sorry. '' you mumbled.

'' If you're sorry, then show me. ''

If you kept rejecting him, meaning he couldn't get sex. Then he'd get violent, nasty and super moody around you. Overbearing to the point where you didn't feel like you had any choice but to give in.

And you'd bet he'd ignore you crying the whole time underneath him too, maybe it would even make him more turned on as he'd sadistically smile at you.

Jay

He felt a bit unprepared with this new situation. It wasn't something he had even imagined could happen. Therefor it took a long time for Jay to come up with what to do and how to approach or take care of you.

He wanted to be gentle, it was his fault after all. But in the beginning, he couldn't help but feel that anything he did would make you sob and desperately try to get away from him; as if he was a virus.

It broke his heart. Your boyfriend would lay with his back turned to you and cry, very often. However, he was a man of action and was determined to find a solution.

First he gave you space, he stopped trying to touch you in any way and even kept a physical distance between you two. Then he became gentler, cooked for you and cleaned if you'd forgotten to do so; suggesting you go for a walk together or watch a movie together, basically a bunch of quality time.

He stopped nagging you or having an aggressive tone over the smallest things, reminding himself that he needed to keep it in for this all to go well.

Slowly you started to feel a bit lonely, it hurt to not have him console you when your heart felt so heavy from crying constantly. You missed his genuine smile when you'd be affectionate, or sitting in his lap while you watched a movie.

'' Are you comfortable? '' Jay tried giving you a warm smile but it slowly faded, the joy draining from his face as he saw that you weren't happy.

It wasn't exactly how he was imagining it though. You were in your head while you looked at him blankly, weighing the pros and cons of giving into him a little bit and asking if he could sit closer.

Your boyfriend walked back to his corner of the sofa, looking a bit sad. His eyes looked empty while he stared at the movie on the TV. Eventually you couldn't take it anymore.

'' Jay? ''

His head immediately snapped towards your direction, worry written all over his face.

'' Could...I sit closer? '' you hurriedly slurred out, adding '' I can't see the screen from here. ''

Your cheeks heated up as you saw him smile knowingly and nod, opening his arm out for you.

Walking over there, your heart felt a bit less heavy. You gave him a small smile in return while pulling down the thick sleeves of your sweater further down your wrists.

Jake

He will try to spin the narrative and manipulate you into feeling like you're doing something wrong; rather than him taking the blame and doing less harsh punishments.

Similarly to Heeseung, Jake has a very high sex drive and can't stand not seeing or touching your body, it would drive him crazy. He is also pretty clingy and very touchy, even in non-sexual ways, he just feels like he needs to have his hands on you in any way at all times.

The first time you squealed and stopped him from hugging you he looked at you very confused, his big puppy eyes had grown twice its size. But you left him there without an answer.

The next time, he had asked you to shower together and despite you refusing, Jake thought you were just playfully rejecting him; it took for him to get into the bathroom and see you break down in tears for him to realise that something was actually wrong.

'' Baby? What's wrong? ''

He had stayed outside, waiting for you to finish showering for about an hour, his sweet voice never giving up on urging you to give into him and tell him what was up.

'' I just...'' you felt close to crying again as you looked at your badly scarred body while trying to gather your thoughts.

'' I hate my body, you've- ruined it! '' you cried out, pain evident in your voice.

Jake clenched his teeth to stop himself from lashing out.

'' Okay baby, how about you open the door and we can talk about it? '' his sickeningly sweet voice felt so comforting, you opened it without thinking much about it.

He smiled, not because he felt bad but because he could start the mind-games now that you'd allowed him to.

If you didn't give in quick enough, he'd consider bringing a random girl home to fuck in front of you.

Sunghoon

He had a hard time grasping that he was the one that had created those marks on you. To make it all worse, he had a look of visible disgust on his face when he caught a glimpse of them - the first time it happened was the incident that sparked all of the insecurities and behaviours that came with it.

Even if you'd force Sunghoon to look at them and explain the backstory of every single little scar, he'd straight up deny it. To him, you could have all the facts or opinions in the world but if it didn't align with his ideas in his head - he'd disregard them completely. It was frustrating but ultimately the truth that you'd never be able to change this man's mind.

Your boyfriend tugged harshly on your nightgown, a frown on his face after you had pulled away several times. He hated when you rejected him, it hurt his pride immensely.

'' Why are you acting up all of a sudden? ''

You pressed your lips together in anger and glared at him.

'' Are you serious? ''

His lack of answer was an answer in itself.

'' You don't remember what you said about my scars, the ones you made? '' you scoffed bitterly.

'' You did this, you made me this way. ''

He rolled his eyes while sighing.

'' I don't care, now do what I want or I'll punish you. ''

Sunoo

He felt very guilty. Would try anything and everything in this world to make you feel better.

Hoping that his gentleness would make you slowly feel more confident in your body, he became way less strict. But despite this, your mind made you automatically flinch any time his hands moved close to your direction.

This hurt him a lot although he pretended it didn't.

Any time you'd cry in the shower, Sunoo would sit against the wall and cry with you. Even if he wore headphones to try and block out the noise, the sound of you crying would still repeat itself like a broken record inside his head.

But despite all the mental torture he was experiencing, he knew you were going through worse. He couldn't go back in time to tell himself to be gentler to you, less violent or jealous - but he could be nice now and learn from this.

Your puffy eyes looked up at Sunoo as his hand slowly moved within your vision. He did this on purpose as to not scare you, and watched your reaction anxiously to see if you'd let him in.

'' It's okay. ''

His hand then reached its intended destination, your wrist. The long sleeves had rolled up, revealing an almost faded scar.

'' Are you sure? ''

You nodded.

He then crouched down, and when he put his soft lips against your skin and kissed it, goosebumps filled your body. You were about to say something but your mouth ended up hanging open as a new sensation was felt on your arm - tears.

They kept dropping, one by one until they formed a pool and then slowly slid off your body.

You stayed quiet, smiling through the pain, assuming he needed this more than you did.

Ni-ki

He felt very awkward about the whole thing. Not sure how to express his growing feeling of guilt or how to comfort you.

In the beginning, he wouldn't say anything. Just watch as you'd squirm away from him, and just listen while you cried at night when you thought he was sleeping.

When he realised the problem was a lot bigger than he'd initially thought, he'd make some light-hearted comment about how you shouldn't be insecure because he thinks you're beautiful no matter what.

It wouldn't land well. The two of you got into a screaming match where you poured your whole heart out and he was finally told the reason behind your behaviour.

It felt like he'd gotten hit in the chest.

Ni-ki blinked away the few tears that threatened to spill out. Then he spent the next few hours pacing back and forth, worrying about how he could make you feel better.

You'd hear a knock on your door after almost a whole day after your fight. When you opened it, you were met with your shy boyfriend holding a bouquet of flowers, avoiding your eyes while awkwardly shifting his weight.

'' What's this? '' your flat tone made him raise his head to look at you.

'' I don't want us to fight, I'm- '' he paused abruptly and looked like he was having an internal battle before finally pushing his pride aside and blurting out, '' I'm sorry. Please forgive me. ''

A small smile tugged at your lips even though you were still mad at him.

'' I hate seeing you like this. ''

You gave him a warm hug and finally smiled when you felt him relax.

[besamehyuka]

Let’s Keep Her: Sweet One

WARNING

:

THIS CONTAINS SCENES WHICH MAY BE UNPLEASANT FOR SOME READERS! SUCH AS; INAPPROPRIATE TOUCHING, WORDS, ACTIONS AND PHRASES. IF YOU ARE UNCOMFORTABLE WITH SMUT/MAFIA/ILLEGAL ACTIVITIES; DO NOT READ!!

(ALL PARTS)       PREVIOUS  |   NEXT

You were led to a blood red room, filled with paintings of 9 men, one had a dark red x slashed across his face, hiding it, guarding it, almost like he had been kicked out, but then again, that was your assumption.

You could really care less, but then again, he hadn’t kidnapped you, he hadn’t held you hostage, he hadn’t gripped you tightly, like now. You felt hands trace up the crevice of your back and felt eyes on you, checking you, studying you, and you instantly slapped them away. Wanting no one to touch you, no one!

“Hey.” The voice stated, much more calm and full of life, more so than the others you had encountered. “I’m not going to hurt you.” He said and you whipped around to find a younger looking male, no older than yourself,stare at you, his eyes sharp but content, full of understanding, almost as if he knew where you had been.

Like he had been in your shoes at one time. Like he had felt fear in his life. In his golden eyes, there was compassion, empathy, sincerity and you felt yourself trusting him a little bit. just a little bit, no more than that.

“I’m Jeongin.” He stated, reaching his hand out for you to take, but when you didn’t he understood, and nodded leading you into an exam room, one that you’ve seen in doctor’s offices. One that you used to feel safe in, but this time you weren’t so sure.

“What are you going to do with me?” You found yourself saying, drawing uneasy by the numerous knives and carving tools that sat beside him, and he cleaned off his desk.

“No worries, I have strict orders to not harm you. And I wouldn’t have planned to anyways. It’s against my nature, my code of conduct if you will.” He responded without your eyes on him. “I’m the healer, or chief doctor, I’m just going to do a check up and see if everything’s okay. I won’t cut you, stick you with any needles, nothing like that.” He reassured you. 

His demeanor was unlike those other men, and you felt safe so you simply nodded, slipping into the examination chair, letting him take your vital signs, pulse, temperature and anything else he needed. 

His hands worked like they’ve done this numerous times, so delicately, so patient, so demanding. Nothing too harsh, and you found yourself wanting more from him.

“I’m Y/n.” You said abruptly into the silence you had caused, wanting no more of it as he only nodded and chuckled in response.

“I know.” He stated, tracing your veins in your arms as you shivered. You could tell he had no ill intent and he seemed like he also had no intention or desire to feast upon your blood, which was good. 

“It’s just like them.” He growled, rolling his eyes as he stared at you. 

“Huh?” You asked confusion spreading through your body like a wildfire. 

“My brothers.” He responded fast. “The way they treated you, its not what a gentleman should do . I apologize for their rude behavior. Especially Minho.” 

You wondered how could he have possibly known, but he raised his hand in protest and went on to explain.

“I can tell your emotion, and then through those emotions I can relive what experiences you went through. All through touch.” He said, closing his eyes releasing his grip on your wrist. “No big deal. I won’t intrude again, I didn’t mean to, but you were projected very vividly, you were very angry and I couldn’t stop, so I just had to see.”

You bit your lip and nodded. It felt confusing, but you simply nodded. “I understand. 

“You’re very healthy.” Jeongin finally gave you your results, leaving back against the wooden table he smiled, a smile that sent shivers up your spine. He was so nice, it pained you to see him work for these assholes. What had made him come here? What on earth was he doing? 

“May I ask, are you a...”

“Am I a vampire?” Jeongin answered for you, crossing his arms over his chest as a chuckle erupted from his mouth. “God no.”

“Then.. then what are you?” You asked, your mouth starting to become dry and cloudy, same with your mind. Minho had said they weren’t just a coven of vampires, but you had thought he was just being a tease, and a liar, but so far he was telling the truth.

“I’m a Kitsune. Don’t think too much about it. It’s not important, and it won’t ever be. Just try and enjoy your time here. Once you get used to us, we won’t bother you.” He replied, smiling softly. 

Just like that, the conversation was over. 

A million questions circled your head. A kitsune. What was that? You had only heard of Vampires, werewolves, and demons. Sure you weren’t into lore and myths, but you had known what those things were. 

Suddenly, the door swung open revealing Chan, his cold red eyes fixed on yours as he took your orbs in, his blue hair wet with rain as he smirked devilishly at you, smirking as he drew near.

“So?” He asked, humming deeply, so deep it sounded like a growl, and you knew it was to claim you, to tame you almost. You make you his, but you didn’t want to be his. 

A look from Jeongin confirmed this as he dropped his gaze from you to Chan and talked about your test results. About how everything showed up normal and good, everything was alright, and Chan nodded, sighing.

Why was he sighing? Why was he sad when everything was alright?

Was he hoping you were sick so he could mark you right then and there and change you? Was he hoping you had some kind of terminal illness like cancer so he could kill you quick and drag you into his world and be his vampire queen? 

Like you could ever?!

But you didn’t want Chan! So far he had shown you nothing but impatience, he had shown you nothing but cruel torture. He had shown you what vampires were truly like. 

And you found yourself slowly becoming attracted to that man, that doctor, the one who had smiled at you, who had held your hand, and who had made you know he wasn’t going to hurt you. Who had proved it to you. 

You felt yourself falling for the sweet one, Jeongin. 

[chris-continues]

It’s suffocating,

A Vash/reader (or my self insert but name isn’t mentioned) that deviates from my canon. Unrequited love.

It’s when I can barely handle his smile that I know it’s a lot.

It always has been, I mean, he’s far too kind and wonderful and sweet-

He’s too perfect.

And now he’s casted away and I’m grateful to be acquainted with him- his unwarranted unwanted reputation doesn’t suit him.

It’s when I feel my head and heart sink. That’s when I know it’s wrong. He smiles at Meryl, she teases and laughs all the while and I feel sick.

How could I get my hopes up? He doesn’t owe me anything, what did I expect?

“..It’s them, isn’t it?”

“Who?”

“Them.” Wolfwood gestures out the van window to them sitting at the campfire. There’s no need to explain it.

“Yeah.” My voice pathetically squeaks and he looks at me with.. pity? Empathy? Something. “I get that.”

I feel suffocated, seeing them together.

Quite literally, that’s when the first petal comes up. I walk with Wolfwood, Vash and Meryl teasing each other a few feet ahead.

It’s a few bloody petals.

A week later and it’s small buds, I cough behind the van while Wolfwood offers me water.

5 days after that and it’s whole, beautiful flowers. I can feel them leaving my throat and making me strangely pretty. I have to bury them in the sand once everyone goes to bed.

Only Wolfwood knows, along with Roberto, who had walked in once when he heard me coughing. I feel like shit.

I gag and cough and cry, throat tight and dry and I’m nauseous and lightheaded. I’ve barely eaten in the past few weeks.

“Jesus..” he pinches the bridge of his nose, “you’ve gotta eat.”

… “eat.” He insists, shoving a small portion of rations in my chest. “Thank me later.”

“I’ll just thank you now. I appreciate your help.”

A week ago I’d discovered what it was once I’d asked around a tavern curiously. Well, not really asked around. A barmaid was kind enough to inform me and listen once they’d caught my weary eyes on Vash. Who was laughing with Meryl.

“He’s a cutie, huh?”

“Yeah. He really is.” She turns, offering me a free drink. “It’s on the house, no need.” I nod, “Thank y-“ before I can begin, I hack and cough. Her towel helps to catch the blooms and now prickly vines that I feel poke my throat painfully.

“Hanahaki, huh?”

“Hm?”

“You cough up flowers thanks to unrequited love. It’s unknown why it happens.. but I’d recommend you enjoy your last few days.”

“What?”

“It’s fatal,” they explain. “I’m sorry.”

“..thanks for the free drink.”

I head up to my room early that night, and Roberto is kind enough to check on me. I cry, really cry as much as my tired throat lets me sob. Crying is even a privilege.

“And you’re still not mad at him?”

Even though it’s fatal?

“How could I be?”

Ever since we met it was always about making him happy. I left Jenora Rock to travel with him. I listened to him.

I was..

Just a really good friend. He needed that from me, nothing more.

“He doesn’t owe me anything. I can’t be mad at him for liking Meryl.”

Meryl was smart, and educated and older.

I was just.. me.

Roberto and Wolfwood make us stay in the tavern a few extra days. I’m laying on the bed again, I’ve barely left my room the past few days. One of the guys is kind enough to offer me food, but one day Vash greets me at my door.

“Wolfwood told me that you were sick. I’m sorry to hear that.”

“It’s not your fault, uh..” I silently take the food from him. “Thank you.”

“Of course!” And he smiles. That beautiful, heartwarming grin. “If you need any help let me know, I’m just a room or two over.”

“I will.” That’s a lie.

I think it’s a slap in the face that very night that I get another coughing fit. I wish I could call him for help to rub my back, gently move the hair out of my face and hug me. But I know that wouldn’t help me at all.

Just saying hi to him pains me.

And so do the petals that grow, the vines that encase me beautifully, tearing my heart open and leaving me gorgeous.

I hope she looks at him the same way I did.

[marshmallowprotection]

Hi, I recently played the RAE...and I have a LOT of opinions, but-

I'm very disappointed in how we're meant to be empathetic, kind, and understanding towards Rika and V to get a good ending. I guess, not entirely, but enough that there's a CG of Rika breaking down and hugging us, thanking us for understanding her.

This was very upsetting for me.

I'm a lot like Saeyoung, I guess I hold onto grudges. I understand in depth what led these people here, but I cannot forgive. I cannot be okay with how they have hurt Saeran. Trauma isn't justification for traumatizing others. The good ending route forces us into a position of empathy, where I want to tell them that they should suffer for not only hurting him, but continuing to justify that hurt by further hurting him...over and over in a cycle of self-importance.

What about those of us that don't want to forgive abusers? What about those of us that are angry? What about those of us that don't want to feel forced to ""understand""? I feel so invisible and so ripped away from my own choices and forced into making choices that make the bad people feel better about themselves. What about the victims that can't forgive?

You don't have to hug Rika, actually. You don't have to forgive V or Rika, either, and nobody's asking you to do that in the After Ending. Saeyoung won't forgive these people anymore than you will. A sad backstory will never be justification for wrongdoing.

I don't care what kind of horrible thing somebody went through, it will never erase the horrible things they did to other people beyond that. I feel sympathy for anyone who has gone through suffering in their life because nobody deserves to suffer, but while we can empathize with the pain someone went through? It doesn’t mean we forgive or justify what came after that. 

Rika suffered horribly at the hands of her adopted family, to give the most basic example. She didn't deserve to be treated that way. I can empathize with the pain she went through because I know what it feels like to be treated horribly by people who are supposed to love you. However, outside of that? I feel nothing but anger toward her for what she did.

There is no justification for her actions.

People suffer every day but many don't turn to make others suffer just as they suffered. Cool motive, still murder! 

I know what you want to say in the game. I know you want to tell all of those people to go fuck themselves.

You want to tell them what kind of people they are to their face and make sure they understand what horrible things they've done and how there is no way in the world you could ever forgive them for what they did. There are instances throughout the RAE where you can say these things, but a lot of them are not as forthcoming as many wish they were. 

Listen, when I had to watch V drug Saeyoung, I wanted to scream at him. I wanted to tell him that his mother would be disappointed in the man he was because I knew that would crush him more than slap ever could. I wanted to tell him that because I know he can be better than what he is at his lowest points, in the Secret Ending and RAE.

There are plenty of instances where you get to drag Rika for what she's done, too. God, both in Ray Route AND the RAE. You get to tell her what she is in countless chat rooms, making it clear that she has hurt Saeran and that she can't control him, but I get that’s not as satisfying for many people.

Trust me, I understand where you're coming from here because I'm not the kind of person who forgives others, either. I hold on to my grudges because they're not hurting me or anyone else the longer I hold on to them. Do I wish the after ending had way more instances where you could be more forthcoming in your words to V, Rika, and Saejoong?

Yes, while there are some instances where you can say what you want to say about what you feel here, I also wish there were more of them because I wouldn’t mince words if I was there.  

But, I think it's important to understand that you don't have to forgive somebody even if you hear them out. Frankly, in that scene with Rika, she speaks at you. You're not exactly in a position where you can ignore her, so to speak. You have no choice but to give her and V the benefit of the doubt because they are the ones who can lead you to Saeran.

You have to choose to trust them in one moment because they are your only hope in finding him before it's too late. Just because you choose to trust them in that moment does not mean you accept them, you know? I always thought of that scene as one where I had no choice but to listen to them for the sake of what I needed to do for Saeran.

This is her perception of things, not yours.

She's speaking at you and you don't have the opportunity to say otherwise. She may feel that you have allowed her to feel accepted by you since you decided to “trust” V, but at no point in the RAE do you allow her to do that. I can’t recall a single instance of us giving Rika a chance but I can see where this might be confusing. It is only her opinion that you trusting either one of them means that you want to understand or give them a chance.

Do I think it would have been wonderful to have a moment with her where you ream her out in a visual novel for all of the horrible things she's done? Like, in this specific moment? Absolutely, I think this scene would have benefited from allowing both sides to have that option.

She's at a point in her journey where she would be willing to hear everything you had to say about her and take it. 

This is what happens if you decide to listen to what she's saying and not embrace her.

The scene cuts away right there and you immediately go into the hunt for Saeran, who’s still by the lakeside. This is the option they give you to not embrace Rika. You are not at all obligated to do that. Like I said, would this have been a great instance to put a third option where you tell her like it is?

Absolutely, but that's not what they did, unfortunately. This would have been the perfect place for us to finally have the opportunity to say what we want to say as people who do not choose to forgive others for all of the things they've done, even if they decide they're no longer going to do anything like that ever again and they want to work on being better people. 

Just because that person goes on to try and be a better person doesn't mean you have to allow them to show you what they're like on their journey to right their wrongs and be better than they were the day before. You don't have to give them a second chance. 

But, do you know what Saeran needs?

You don't have to give somebody a chance to explain why they did what they did or try to excuse it. But I will say this here, if you value Saeran’s wants and desires in life, you understand that he wants to hear them out.

He wants to forgive them, not because he's okay with what happened to him, or because he's somehow saying that he wants them in his life going forward. He is choosing to forgive them so he can learn how to forgive himself for what he did to you and anyone else he’s hurt.

He has been holding on to what he did ever since he realized he was in the wrong, and he did not forgive himself at the end of Ray Route when you did. I believe it's going to take a long time for him to forgive himself for everything, and that's because he knows how to hold himself accountable for his actions. 

He's not going to shy away from anything he's done. He's going to own up to it every time and promise to be better today, tomorrow, and the day after that. For him to be able to find true peace, he needs to hear why the people who hurt him did what they did and what brought them to that point. That is a part of his journey. That is why his good ending centers around you facing his father, making that man explain himself in bitter detail so Saeran has the chance to hear it. 

The normal ending doesn't allow him to have that chance. It allows Rika to hold herself accountable in front of Saejoong Choi. She tears that man to filth because she knows that she is no better than he is, and she's not going to allow that man to do what she's done any longer, and she's going to face what she needs to face because she's chosen to face punishment. The only good thing she can do at that moment is take that man down. 

However, this makes it the normal ending because it does not allow Saeran to have what he needs to be at total peace. Sure, he's still happy in the normal ending and he has everything he needs, but for him to feel fully at ease he needs to hear his father speak.

I understand that not everybody agrees with what he's doing because the topic of forgiveness can be so misunderstood in this world due to the way it's taught.

So many people are taught to forgive and forget, but that is not the only act of forgiveness. You can forgive somebody if that brings you peace, and then you can tell them to leave you alone forever. You can hate somebody forever and hold on to that pain as long as you want.

You can forgive somebody and allow them to come back into your life with the stipulation that they prove themselves. You can tell that person to go fuck themselves and never bother you again. As long as you are not hurting yourself or anyone else, you feel what you need to feel and don't let anybody tell you otherwise. 

When you do what you do in the good ending, you do so on behalf of his feelings regardless of how you feel. I certainly don't forgive any of the people who hurt him, and I likely never will, but I value what he needs and wants.

Did I have to do that for him? No, technically speaking, I didn't have to ask those people anything or talk to them in any capacity. He would never judge anyone for choosing to hold on to their pain and never forgive another person. That's the point. I respect his choices and he respects mine. I know what I feel in my heart and I know what he feels in his.

This After Ending makes it abundantly clear that it is your choice and nobody should ever make you feel bad for what you choose.

Saeran respects Saeyoung.

He does not expect his brother to forgive their father or anyone else for that matter.

I'll be clear with you, I think one of the reasons why Saejoong Choi walked out of that room to specifically find Saeyoung is because Saeran told him to. Saejoong didn’t have a magic change of heart! But, for whatever reason, he's decided to face the music because there's really no other option for him. The only reason I can think of as to why that man would walk into that hallway is because of Saeran.

Saejoong could’ve turned himself into any authority figure, but he WENT TO SAEYOUNG. Saeran likely reamed into him and let him know that if he wanted to do SOMETHING RIGHT FOR ONCE, he would let Saeyoung be the one to take him down once and for all. Because he damn well understands that his older brother has lived his life in fear of that man.

Every waking second was dedicated to being afraid of that mysterious figure around the corner.

He may not be sure what he wants to say to his brother, but he knows what his brother needs to find peace. The game may not say it out right but I will always believe in my heart that he advocated for his brother to have the opportunity to be able to beat the shit out of their father and take him to jail. 

Saeran respects people who don’t choose to forgive. He would never tell you to do something you don't want to do. He doesn't want anybody to tell him what to do anymore, either. His entire arc was about discovering what it meant to be free and what it means to have autonomous consent over your own choices. I don't think for a second he would ever put somebody in a position where they had to choose something that did not align with what felt right to them. 

Don't get me wrong, I absolutely agree with you that they could have done more to present this perspective, but with what they have done, it's a great basis to start with if you want to work on writing your own fanfiction about it. This game series isn't perfect, but I know we love it all the same.

I'm sorry that the way the game presents it doesn't do so in a way that allows many of us to express the way we feel about trauma. I know it can feel disheartening at times to not have the opportunity to do everything you want to do to find your peace. 

The execution may be a little messy but the attempt is there. God knows this ending did it a little bit better than V’s After Ending where you’re forced to Forgive to get the better ending.

[pintsizemama]

‘Twas the Night Before Christmas

Day 24

Summary: Maggie goes to dinner at Maxwell’s.

Pairings: Maxwell Lord x You, Maxwell Lord x Named Reader (Maggie Stark)

Fandom: Marvel & DC

Rating: Mature

Warnings: language, slap, manhandling a woman (non violent)

Word Count: 638

Little Stark Masterlist

Day 23 Day 25 Christmas Masterlist Main Masterlist AO3 Join my taglist

You sighed heavily as you exited the helicopter. Maxwell Lord had sent it to the compound as promised. Complete with three very large security guards who made sure you got on safely…aka muscled you into the damn thing. You had maintained a shred of your defiance by not packing the overnight bag he had requested. You had absolutely no intention of staying the night.

The helicopter had landed on the pad on top of Maxwell’s building in the heart of Manhattan. He stood to the side, waiting for you with a broad smile. You begrudgingly walked over to him.

“Miss Stark,” he said warmly, “I’m glad you could join me.”

“Kind of made it impossible to resist,” you replied with an eye roll. He stepped toward you and leaned down to place his lips close to your ear.

“Don’t roll your eyes at me, baby girl,” he said gruffly. “You won’t like the consequences.” Your eyes widened as he stepped back.

“Who the fuck do you think you are?” You half shouted. “I’ll do whatever I damn well please, you arrogant, misogynistic—”

“That’s enough,” Maxwell cut you off. There was a fire in his eyes you’d never seen before. He bent down and hoisted you over his shoulder.

“Put me down!” You demanded angrily. He ignored you and carried you into his penthouse. You squirmed and tried to get out of his grip. He smacked your ass, and it shocked you into complete stillness. Had he really just done that?

“When you put me down, I am going to kick your ass, Lord!” You threatened.

“I look forward to it,” he laughed. He finally placed you down and once you had your bearings you slapped him right across the face. When you pulled back to hit him again, he grabbed your wrist before you could make contact.

“I’ll give you the first one for how I just manhandled you, but you won’t get a second one,” he said in an even voice. “Now, can you pretend, just for today, that you don’t hate me and enjoy a delicious holiday dinner?” He was still lightly holding your wrist. His thumb was gently circling around your pulse point and it made you shiver. You quickly jerked your hand away.

“I don’t know,” you answered honestly.

“Try,” Maxwell urged. You could smell the food and your mouth watered. It wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world to share a meal with him. Your other option was sitting alone at the compound…and while that was usually welcome, you were too depressed to be alone tonight.

“Fine,” you acquiesced. “But no funny business.”

“What do you mean?”

“I’m not sleeping with you, so don’t even try it,” you insisted. “No flirting, no innuendos, no touching. Nothing.”

“Deal,” he agreed immediately.

“Really?” You raised an eyebrow. “You’re gonna give in? Just like that?”

“Yes.”

“Why?”

“I’m alone for Christmas too,” he admitted, “and I’d hate to lose your company.”

“Oh,” you replied, hating that you felt a bit of empathy for the man.

“So, let’s sit down, eat a nice meal, and have a lovely evening,” he suggested.

“Okay,” you said quietly. You could hit pause on your dislike of this man for one night. It was really just his flirtatious nature that pissed you off, so if he toned it down, you might actually have a decent night. Though you seriously doubted he could pull it off. You decided if he proved you right and turned into the smarmy lecher you believe him to be, you would go back to the compound and reward yourself with Chinese food, wine, and a Die Hard marathon.

But if you turned out to be wrong…well, it looked like you would do something you never thought possible—enjoy an evening with Maxwell Lord.

Day 25

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[nearen]

Prompt #4: Reticent

Down in the depths of their sunless sanctum, there was no way to know what hour the bell was tolling without consulting a chronometer. Nights rolled into sunrise, noon, and beyond, unheralded. Not even the rain or its precipitous pattering reached him this far below, nor did the wind’s caress, his birthright, find him.

The steps that carried him briskly down the dim corridor parted the stale air, carving a path for his presence. The echo of his footfalls usurped the reign silence lay claim to.

Okhi’to had always felt like the facility was insulated not only from aetheric influence, but time itself. The flow stagnated and festered, a temporal mire.

It was one of those absent thoughts that strikes you when you’re going through the motions, performing a rote task, and you start to see the poetry in mundanity. The medicus had traced this route countless times by then. If he didn’t latch onto a new thought to muse over on each occasion, he’d start contemplating other questions.

Tending to the welfare of his squadron was his purpose. It had been since he was assigned to Decurion Severan’s command as a fresh graduate of the academy. It had become a compulsion of compassion over time.

Yuyuno was his first port of call. She spent more time asking after his welfare than providing insight into her own. She asked often about the Farsent, indulged his interest in their antics.

It had taken time to find a way to synthesise the treatment she required out here in the field, but when they were able to administer a consistent dose, she’d been as well as he’d ever known her to be.

There was no salve or tonic for what ailed her heart, but work kept her from listlessness.

J’nairoh was next. They’d done this often enough that his routine had become part of hers, or something like that. Her door opened as he reached for it.

The brash, brusque, abrasive Jackal had no rightful reason to pre-empt Okhi’to’s intentions as often as she did, finish his thoughts for him, or intuit his needs. She wouldn’t know empathy if it slapped her across the face. But they’d never discussed why, and they never would.

Examinations centred around identifying areas of weakness or damage incurred during training, maintenance of the physical form. She was perhaps the only one who followed his orders to the letter.

He had his role, and she had hers.

Each part its place.

And when he left her with a fresh set of instructions, he advanced to his final port of call.

Light wanly illuminated the Decurion’s quarters, spilling out into the corridor. The sliding door was always set open. They were welcome, encouraged, to approach him at any bell for any reason. His availability was assured, though his perpetually dour demeanour deterred frivolous visits.

His chambers were pristine, if bald and bare. A workstation, immaculate. Research filed away in folders, and the codices their project was inscribed upon, neatly shelved behind. His cot in the corner, the linens ironed smooth, unwrinkled. Nothing more.

Okhi’to wouldn’t have been surprised to learn that he’d never slept there.

Never was his superior anything but painfully present, alert and entirely in attendance for every moment shared in the company of others. He was indefatigable, always sharpened keen enough to cut. The medicus had never seen him flagging. He’d never let him, or any of them.

“I’ve—” He withdrew from the phonetic precipice of his next word with a soft inhalation and closed his mouth as he entered. Cadmus was draped over his desk, his cheek resting against the report he’d been penning. The quill had slipped from his fingers.

It was the first time he’d ever seen the Decurion’s features unguarded, at peace.

A knot of embarrassment twisted in his stomach. Retreating out of sight, he paused a beat, then rapped his knuckles on the door and waited one breath more.

“Decurion. I’ve come to—”

“Come in.”

Cadmus was upright, statuesque and stiff. A flickering, disoriented glance scattered across his station, then up at Okhi’to. His gaze quickly developed an accusatory edge. He knew. Licking his lips, he raked in a breath through his teeth.

“This moon’s figures,” Okhi’to explained curtly, walking the sheet pinched between his fingers over to the desk. Cadmus took it. “While I’m here, I’d like to review your physical condition if you’ve the time.”

“I haven’t.”

The same answer as ever.

“Less than last moon. Fourteen percent. We can’t afford to fall behind,” he reminded the medicus sharply as his cold stare scanned the page. “Rations have been consistently depleting for the past quarter, as well.” A questioning look pierced Okhi’to’s eyes.

“The salvagers caught sight of Wood Wailer patrols close to the ruins. They’ve had to keep a low profile.”

“Have them scout northeast. The pickings are slim and farther afield, but it’s essential that recovery proceeds apace. Essential,” he emphasised flatly. “And our stores?”

Okhi’to issued a hum of assent. “Our requisitions team has been taken ill. We welcomed a newcomer who came to us unwell and passed on her ailment to some of the others. I’m treating them, and they’ll recover, but my own supplies are dwindling as well.”

The Decurion exhaled.

“In future, quarantine new arrivals. I’ll accept halved portions until we’re in the black again.”

“Decurion. Sir. That isn’t going to go over well, and as for that, you’re already—”

“See it done. My medication?”

Okhi’to hesitated.

Before they deserted, Cadmus had been supplied himself through official channels, but as with Yuyuno, Okhi’to had been forced to find a way to synthesise what his superior required when they cut contact with the Empire.

That had meant analysing the ingredients of his remaining supply closely to source appropriate alternatives. The aetheric suppressants were a recent and understandable addition to his charts, but from a medical perspective, the medicus had never been able to determine why there was any need for Cadmus to consume such a potent cocktail of stimulants with such regularity.

If anything, he looked better in himself when availability was scarce.

“This is the last of the batch. I’ve lowered the dosage to account for—”

Rising from his chair, Cadmus approached to take the container from the medicus’ reluctant hand. It rattled, and four pills tumbled into his palm. Twice the recommended. He brought them to his lips, and washed the mouthful down with the last of the cold coffee sitting half-finished on his desk.

“Will that be all?” the Decurion asked with his back to Okhi’to.

A salute concluded his business. “Yes, sir.” He lingered, but Cadmus didn’t turn, and he left with a twinge of unease in his gut.

[hypaalicious]

Ahh thank you 🫶 I'll try to beat that stage later tonight!!

Did you like this event? I personally wouldn't mind if Andoain came to Rhodes 🫣

Honestly, Arknights as a whole got me hooked because of two main things:

Tower-defense

Rich lore

The supplemental thing is also SilverAsh

So I really enjoyed this event because it gave us insight on Laterano and how Sankta exist. I mean, we still don’t know what it was that Andoain was shown in that basement by the Pope but like… it’s really interesting how Sankta are all naturally empathic to each other through their halos. And how they get a patron firearm at age 12 (a gun at age 12 is wild but they aren’t right-wing gun nut racists so… maybe that works out better for them idk). It makes Executor more badass when you find out that even with all that empathy he literally does not give a shit if you break the law. 😂 Homeboy said, “I know, and I don’t care, urrbody gettin the Glock!”

I really like Enforcer too, he’s so precious with taking care of Cecelia and everything. 🥺 And Fiametta went IN on Andoain like… to cuss in Latin is one thing. To say, “I will sodomize and face fuck you” is… that girl is heated 😂 Idk all what happened in the past with him but this is the first event boss where he’s not outright evil. He just wants to save the downtrodden regardless of race and can’t understand why the Church is ambivalent about it. The Pope also had his reasons, too. It’s just a very nuanced event I was glad to be able to experience!

Andoain is hot asf too. 👀 I wouldn’t mind him coming to RI… for me. Heh.

Also, the music??? >>>>>>

Give me church dubstep any fucking day of the week, that shit SLAPS

[ilkkawhat]

MK’s Favorite Post-Grave Danger Things for @letswaitforme ​ Part Eight: Six Months Ago (my commentary below)

So I know we see Nick lose his temper before GD (his little spat with Warrick in Invisible Evidence comes to mind), but just like I’ll point out in the next set, it’s like his emotions get cranked up to eleven. I feel like this is the birth of zero f*cks given Nick Stokes, who for once isn’t playing by the rules, he’s making this kid (even though he did something very terrible and deserves it) cry and probably piss himself (cause I know I would if Nick threw me up against a wall and screamed at me like that) all because he wants to save Cassie, wants to save this girl who is trying so hard to make herself found, leaving a trail of gum drops and absolutely helpless; all she can do is wait for rescue and that’s all Nick could do, too. I bet this anxious waiting, this hopeless optimism that is being talked down on by Sara--who I’ll talk about in a minute, it’s all boiling under his skin and I bet he wondered, “is this what it was like for them, waiting for that timer to go down? for the lights to go out?” 

We see this level of anger later on in other cases where his loved ones are in their own personalized danger; breaking the rules again and punching the unbeknownst leader of assault on Greg who is the epitome of shattered innocence, roughly grabbing the miniature killer and kicking her bed around as he’s surrounded with pictures of Sara who at that point to their knowledge is buried alive underneath a car, his refusal to believe Warrick was anything but innocent--who he then (tried to) avenge by murdering McKeen in an act of eye for an eye though Warrick’s life was worth much more to him than that scumbag, his guilt and anger at his bad call when Morgan got taken--the list goes on, but I think between the passage of time making bonds stronger and his high empathy in knowing how it feels to be on the other side of the glass drives him to a near-unstable amount of drive to be the hero...even if that’s not always the case. 

And that’s a check that Sara has to slap in his face, calling him out for this behavior (rightfully so) and pointing out that six months ago, before they dug him up from a premature grave, he wouldn’t have lost his cool like that. And he knows that, too. He apologizes, but this confrontation was simmering long before the lash out in the station. Sara’s kept him under a watchful eye, watching the cracks spread, cases be damned she’s worried Nick’s just going to shatter completely and she can’t just let that happen. I’ve always felt that Nick and Sara have such a strong, familial bond with each other and that moment as well as this whole episode showcases it perfectly.

[witch-hazels-musings]

nightmares

Includes: Diluc, Kaeya | Anthology 

Warnings -> STRONG emotional images (violence, panic, mentions of blood (a lot of blood), implied and specific character death) -> leads to comfort

Synopsis: Nightmares plague the characters sleep and they wake up startled - the reader comforts them

Diluc

The ground beneath his feet felt like putty, with each step he sunk in further, pulled his boots up harder to stay on the surface and not be dragged below it. The rain wouldn’t stop either, which made everything so much worse. What was more unsettling than feeling the pressure of the ground as it clung to his feet was the complete lack of sound. The rain cascaded across the landscape but provided no notice of its presence in any sense other than sight.

In the distance, appeared a carriage, and with labored steps, he headed toward it. When he arrived at its side, he noticed the disheveled state of it. The broken windows above the door, the tattered curtains that hung on the inside now lay plastered against the edge due to the rain. The wheels were shattered and brought the whole thing into the ground, its corners seeping into the mud at the same slow rate of his feet. This all seemed so familiar, and yet, when he tried to understand it, nothing came. He extended his hand to the carriage but before his fingers reached he heard a wild scream from the other side, a shriek, a roar, and the ground beneath him shook.

He took off in the direction of the sound, trees rushing by him, branches slapping against his face, his arms, and when he saw the light grow at the edge of the forest, he burst through without any fear. As he shielded his eyes from the flash of light, he heard a crash, a rumble, and then nothing.

When he dropped his hand back to his side he found himself back at the spot he just left, instead, this time, there was a person standing near the carriage. Their back to him, and bright red hair drenched by the rain.

He called out to them but they didn’t answer. He walked forward, his unsteady movements a result of the slippery mud under his boots. There was a growing hesitancy building in his chest, a loud shouting of his nerves as he got closer and, with an extended hand, he touched the person's shoulder only to wish he hadn’t. A huge gust of darkness spilled from their body, pushing Diluc back, and just as he lifted his head, balanced his weight with outstretched arms another wave of blackness hit him. Between the darkness, a flash of metal flew by his face, he dodged out of the way making his claymore materialize in his hands as he rolled through the sticky mud underneath him. It was a dangerous maneuver, but necessary.

The figure's face was clouded in thick, black smoke and for some time the two of them fought against each other. Diluc’s arms moved on their own, his feet took him to spaces that assisted him in avoiding the strikes from his foe. There was something so familiar about this fight, a familiarity that grew the longer their blades came into contact with one another, the further he pushed them back toward the carriage. It was as if there was a veil between him and this memory he couldn’t quite tear through, like a thin sheet that separated him and the truth. He shoved the enemy back against the carriage and just as his claymore came crashing down across their chest, so too did the veil, which he learned wasn’t a hindrance to his memory, but a blessing.

The body collided into the broken carriage, its back slipping down the side and leaving a trail of red in its wake. Their hands turned a sickly brown as they rested in the mud, painful breaths piercing through the shroud of black which slowly began to lift. Diluc’s shoulder heaved as he looked down at them, and as soon as the blackness faded everything became painfully clear.

“My boy …” His father's voice wheezed, blood spilling from his mouth as he coughed. Diluc couldn’t move, his hands could no longer hold onto the heavy weapon, his legs shook and gave way to the earth below him and as soon as his knees hit, the sound of rain filled his ears.

His eyes drifted over the gaping wound across his father's chest and without hesitation, Diluc moved to stop the bleeding. It seemed there was far too much, a never-ending river of blood which mixed with the dirty earth below and creating some sort of strange sludge that pulled his father deeper and deeper down into.

No matter how hard Diluc dug at the ground, no matter how much he pulled and yanked at his father's arms or tried to stop the bleeding, he gained no progress and painfully, slowly he lost more. The pouring thunder of rain stopped, his father's gaping mouth offered no sound and Diluc looked up at the sky in confusion. A hand gripped his wrist and when he looked back, he saw your face.

He woke up shouting, his heart beating so hard in his chest he wasn’t sure how the muscle was capable of punishing a person's ribs like that. He could feel his hands, his body shaking and he knew, even in the darkness there was so much blood spilling from his fingers.

The room filled with a soft light but he couldn’t look anywhere but at his hands. The same hands that were covered in blood, covered in mud, and unable to grab onto the person in his dreams … who was it? He couldn’t differentiate between you or his father, but it didn’t matter… he wasn’t strong enough to hold onto either of you. Just like that horrible day, he would watch these hands snuff out your light, he’d be the only one at fault for it all.

The thoughts filled his head and drowned out everything else. The screaming, the gasping, the inevitable suffering he would let befall because he just wasn’t strong enough. His eyes were transfixed, unable to move from the hands that shook violently in their view. That’s when he saw yours, the back of them sliding over his palms, fingers wrapping around his wrists. He pulled his hands back so hard his elbows collided with the wooden bed frame and nearly splintered the mahogany.

---

“Diluc …” He looked up, the way his brow furrowed, the burning of his eyes as they stared at you. It was the most painful thing you’d ever see, it broke your heart and as desperately as you wanted to reach back out to him, you knew it wouldn’t help. “Can you hear me?” You asked, daring not to move from the spot next to him.

When you were awoken by his scream you feared for the worse, in a flash you turned on the light, and when you found him shaking, unresponsive to your calls you slipped from the bed and made your way to his side. That’s where you found yourself now, sitting at the edge of the bed, doing your best to be reassuring even as the empathy you felt for him stung your eyes and felt heavy in your chest.

“It was a dream … it was only a dream.” You attempted to comfort him, your head tilting to match his eye line and you watched the shaking of his body move to his head as he silently communicated that it wasn’t. There was no way for you to know what he had seen in his dreams, it was unlikely he would tell you. Looking weak wasn’t something he necessarily liked, even if you told him he was far from that. “You’re breathing so hard; I’ll … uh … go make you something soothing to drink.”

You stood up and once you turned toward the door, your body was pulled backward. Your feet lifted off of the ground, a harsh hand wrapped around your wrist, and as soon as your back hit the bed arms entrapped you. Shifting against the sheets, you tried to look at Diluc but could only see the top of his head, the red hair invading your senses as you breathed him in.

“Dilu…”

“Don’t …” His voice cut you off, the shaky, the uncertainty of it making your heart twist. “Don’t go.” You gave in so easily, how could you not.

“I’ll be right here.” Slipping your arms from his grip you wrapped them around his head and pulled him in even closer. His face pressing against your chest, the softness of his hair brushing against your skin. In this position, you were able to run your fingers through his hair and as you did the grip he had on your body loosened, but only a little. “You’re not alone, I’m not going anywhere. Okay?” He didn’t respond except to give you a quick squeeze and adjust his head so he could rest his cheek against you.

You stayed like this until you sensed the telling signs that he had drifted back to sleep and even past that, you didn’t dare move. Sleep began to take you soon after, your hands slowing their menstruations in his hair, your breathing becoming heavy and as the warmth took you, you swore you heard somebody say, I love you.

Kaeya

The wind seemed different, but Kaeya couldn’t put his finger on it. It was like there was something sinister in the atmosphere, secrets hiding in the breeze, but every time he thought he deciphered it, understood it, the knowledge drifted away from him again.

So, he continued on his way, not paying attention to things that didn’t reveal the truth to him; when the time came he would unravel them.

He was walking through the streets of Mondstadt and, while there seemed to be a growing nervousness building in the pit of his stomach, he made no indication there was anything amiss. Instead, he smiled, waved, and nodded to the citizens who greeted him, even lingered a bit longer than necessary at the lively ones who called his name so lovingly.

Out of the corner of his eye, he saw a few familiar faces and with saddened goodbyes, he made his way over to them.

“Well, this is a surprise.” He said, hand at his hip and smirk pulling at the corner of his lips.

“Oh, captain Kaeya!” Paimon shouted, her spritely figure bobbing up and down as she turned toward him. The traveler turned too, and he was greeted with a welcoming smile. “What are you doing out this early? Is something wrong?” Paimon asked, eyes peering behind him.

“Nothing of the sort, I’m just on my rounds and wanted to say hello.” He closed his eyes and smiled, his reassuring gesture which almost always eased any suspicions of his actions. “What brings the two of you here today?”

“Ah! Well … Paimon was hungry and wanted some … sticky honey roast!” Her head seemed to turn to the location of whatever smell wafted on the wind, a small sliver of drool appearing in the corner of her mouth. Kaeya laughed and just as he was about to make a comment about her glutinous nature, a sudden flash of dead eyes and bloodied face washed over Paimons. It came so quickly and was gone all in a single second.

“Kaeya?” The traveler looked at him and he blinked a few times in an attempt to recollect himself.

He tried to laugh it off, “I’d say I wouldn’t expect this type of behavior from you, but I know that wouldn’t be true.”

“Paimon can’t help it, when good food is calling I will be there to eat it up! Speaking of, I can hear it calling me now!” She was growing impatient and had already floated partway toward her desires cutting the conversation short.

The traveler smiled, hands resting on her hips before turning back to him. His mouth opened to leave her with some snarky comment when again, violent images clouded his eyes. The once white dress of the traveler now stained in red, her eyes empty, hair matted and the flowers which she always wore were wilted and black, a long bloodied slit stretched across her throat.

“Are you okay, you don’t look well.” She questioned, her hand nearly touching his arm, and when the images disappeared he pulled back from her. His feet taking a few hesitant steps backward, his hand reaching to cover the place her fingers grazed.

“I-I’m fine.” He chuckled again, but this time his laugh was much more strained, desperately he tried to find a way to get out of the situation. “I think Paimon’s waiting for you, you wouldn’t want her to eat so much she couldn’t fly now, would you?” He smiled and hoped the traveler wouldn’t notice how his lips trembled.

“Okay, see you later, Kaeya.” She called out to him, as she bounded up the stairs, he was left to his troubling thoughts.

Quickly, he disappeared from their sight and began walking toward the church, maybe he needed to visit the nuns. He must be sick. As he passed by the stalls he saw a few other familiar faces but the images continued to flash between normal and devastating, almost like those toys you peer through to look at vintage images, only instead of beautiful, playful scenes each time he pressed the lever he only saw a new nightmarish image. At some point, they became so overwhelming he found himself staring at the ground in a desperate attempt to avoid anymore.

On the steps leading around the courtyard he ran into Barbara, the exact person he wanted to meet but when he lifted his head to speak to her he started to shake at the sight. Her small frame was twisted and bent, her head turned in an ungodly direction, her eyes staring at her broken hand, blood slipping from her mouth. Her voice spilled from her mouth but it sounded like painful gurgling. He stumbled backward and his feet collided with something, when he looked down he saw the dead body of the acting grandmaster, her hand still gripping tightly onto her sword.

He closed his eyes and when he opened them the images didn’t change. He lifted his hands to his face but stopped when he saw the blood dripping from his fingers. Turning them over and following the spattered blood up to his arm until he noticed the once blue clothes were stained purple. He heard screaming and when he turned to look at the source he saw what looked like a hellish stream of frozen, petrified, slaughtered bodies as far as the eye could see. The small adventurer boy, whose luck never seemed to be on his side, lay draped over the body of the girl who claimed to be a princess. A large purple hat half-frozen in the fountain, the green-haired alchemist slumped against the wall, glass bottles spilling from her bag.

Kaeya’s chest felt so tight he thought he would pass out, he desperately flicked his hands in an attempt to get the blood off of them but it didn’t seem to work. The harder he tried the darker the liquid became and he thought his sanity had all but left him until he heard the sound of clapping from the steps above him.

“Well done.” The voice was as cold as the air on the top of Dragonspine, and just as lifeless. “You’ve proved your worth, my son.” Kaeya turned on his heels but never saw the face of the man who spoke to him.

Kaeya woke up in a cold sweat, he felt his whole body jump all at once, but not enough to thrust him upward. Instead, he lay with his back on the mattress and tried to still his pounding heart, his shaking breaths, licked his chapped lips. He leaned up, sliding his legs out from under the sheets and placing his feet on the cold floor. The sensation felt good, grounding almost as he tried to stop his head from spinning. One hand gripped tightly against the edge of the bed while the other wiped at the sweat that formed on his brow. He ran his fingers through his long hair, doing his best to pull the strands away from his face as he looked down at his bouncing legs.

A light turned on and he stills, his body freezing at the illumination. “Kaeya?” You mumbled, voice still heavy from sleep, a soft hum sounds from behind him and he felt the bed shift as you turned toward him.

“It’s nothing, go back to sleep.” He pushed through his dry throat, he just now realized how thirsty he had become.

“Are you sure? You were whining in your sleep.” The realization of that stung his pride, and he couldn’t stop his leg from bouncing again. Of course, he tried to play it off.

“Oh, spying on me while I’m sleeping were you. I didn’t know you were such a deviant.” He joked, but he could tell it didn’t have as much of a punch as it normally did. It didn’t matter, you just kept on as if he didn’t make the joke to begin with.

“Whatever you were dreaming didn’t seem enjoyable.” Without him knowing, you had slid your way to him, arms wrapping around his cold skin, hands against his chest, and chin resting against his shoulder. You squeezed tighter around him and whispered, “you’re shaking.”

Somehow, you saw right through him, you always did. From the moment he met you, you had this uncanny ability to look completely at him, never missing a single sign. “It was just a bad dream.” He let the honesty fall onto his legs, the words drifted into the darkness that spread out from underneath the bed.

“Whatever it was, it wasn’t real. It was just a dream.”

“You’re right, it was just a dream.” He turned his body and slid his hand around your waist until it rested against your back. With a soft kiss, he placed his lips against your forehead, against the tip of your nose, and on your chin relishing in the way your eyes fluttered closed and skin warmed to his gesture. “Let’s get back to sleep, shall we.”

“We can talk about it if you’d like.” You attempt and he uses it as an opportunity to tell you some silly little lie about the nightmare he most definitely did not have. When the two of you settled back into the bed and he ushered you onto this chest so he could breathe in your smell, feel the pressure of your torso on his chest and hear the slow sound of your breath, he finally lets his mind wander back to the real dream which would haunt him for weeks.

It was just a dream … He recalls your comment and wonders if what you said was true.

[erenscherub]

chapter 3 | series masterlist | chapter 5

𝐞𝐫𝐞𝐧'𝐬 𝐟𝐚𝐯𝐨𝐫𝐢𝐭𝐞 𝐩𝐡𝐫𝐚𝐬𝐞 𝐥𝐚𝐭𝐞𝐥𝐲 𝐬𝐞𝐞𝐦𝐬 𝐭𝐨 𝐛𝐞 '𝐢'𝐦 𝐬𝐨𝐫𝐫𝐲.'

chapter summary: zeke trademarks Y.A.D and YASH.

warnings: mentions of infidelity, mentions of violence

word count: 3.0 k

It takes Eren awhile to process why all his friends and family are here. He got distracted at the office with his co-worker. And then he tried his best to scrub all the trace evidence that could implicate him of his rendezvous before speeding home to his beautiful wife and child.

Then he sees the birthday cake and presents on the console table in the center of the living room. Realization hits him like a sucker-punch from horse-face.

He forgot your birthday.

“Oh shit.”

Cyrus shakes his head in disappointment, while holding his hands over six-year-old Falco’s ears. His daughter has scampered off the couch to shove the swear jar at him. Eren wordlessly takes out his wallet, throwing a twenty dollar bill into the container.

He knows he’s fucked up when he sees you quickly turn away from him and use your hair as a curtain to hide your facial expressions from everyone’s prying eyes.

No one has seen you cry. Not your husband. Not your daughter. Not your in-laws. None of your friends.

You didn’t cry when Eren first met you when you were an anxious third year medical student and a hostile patient was screaming in your face that you were a worthless quack doctor that was also a waste of tax money, air, and space. You didn’t cry when Jean and Eren got too physical and Jean unintentionally shoved you down two flights of stairs when he was rushing at Eren. Even when X-Rays showed you had fractured your wrist and Zeke confirmed you had a serious concussion, your face was just blank the entire time. You didn’t even shed a tear on your wedding day or when you were in labor for 17 hours to bring your little girl into the world.

You’re crying now. And it’s all because of Eren.

He was already on thin ice. Even the kids were starting to gang up on him. Eren is struggling to come up with the right words to say. I love you’s definitely aren’t going to cut it this time. There’s nothing better than starting with ‘I’m sorry.’ Right?

You’re turning on your heel trying to head towards the stairs as fast as possible. Your husband is trailing behind you still stuttering apologies. Eren is nothing but persistent as he sputters, “Baby, I’m sorry. Please wait. I love you! Come here, beautiful! Where are you going?” Eren has rapidly closed the distance between you two. “I’m really sorry, baby. About your birthday and the ultrasound appointments and our anniversary and the wedding ring. There’s just this important project that’s taking up all my attention at the office. And I just forgot my wedding ring at my desk. That’s all.”

When he tries to embrace you, you slap his hands away and continue to attempt to keep as much distance as you can between you two. You’re too collected and too level-headed. He wants you to scream and rage at him and curse him out instead of trying to calmly walk away.

Even when you were pissed that Eren stood you up for your wedding anniversary dinner, you weren’t this unfazed and composed. When you got home, you told Colt, Annie, Mikasa, and Petra that you needed some time and space to process your feelings. On a whim, you took Eliza with you and flew 2,000 miles away to California just so you could get away from their prying eyes. In the ten plus years everyone has known you, that was the most impulsive decision you’ve made.

You didn’t make a spreadsheet of pros and cons as usual like you did for major decisions like whether you wanted to move to New Hampshire and each of the four times he proposed to you. You didn’t even pick up any of Eren’s phone calls or texts because you both knew that you wouldn’t be able to remain cool-headed.

You have to be rational and remain calm and composed as a physician. You need to have empathy for your patients, it helps guide your treatment plans and it’s the reason why you pursued medicine in the first place. But getting too attached can be draining and is a recipe for burnout. If you get too emotional, you’re more impulsive and can make mistakes that can cost someone their life. You need to be composed and objective since over-identifying with patients can negatively impact both you as a physician and your patient.

Yet when you’re this collected and composed with your husband. Eren wonders if you’re beginning to see your relationship with him more objectively too.

Eren normally towers over you. Not when you’re four steps above him. Now you’re both eye to eye.

You used to love staring into Eren’s green eyes. Every time you looked at them, it was a kaleidoscope of changing colors to reflect back his mood. Sea-green when he was excited or happy. Jade when he was angry or sad or disappointed. Forest green when concerned or anxious. Emerald when he was thinking about someone he loved.

When you stand eye level with him, you’re not sure how to describe this shade. It’s a dull and dark hue. His eyes are not as pretty when they’re this lackluster and murky.

His tone and posture reflect he’s genuinely remorseful. Yet, he’s not remorseful where it counts. All you see is jade or this lackluster hue reflected back at you when you’re with him.

But they still light up emerald around Eliza.

They’re always a brilliant shade of emerald when he’s around her.

Your face is blank and your tone flat. “I completely get it now, so stop wasting your breath. If it’s a project or coffee date with your work wife, it’s important.” You scoff, “My ultrasound appointments. Our wedding anniversary. My birthday. Your wedding band. If it’s important, then you’ll remember it right?” You shake your head as you continue walking up the stairs.

You’re thankful Eren takes the hint and doesn’t follow you.

Eren groans as he collapses on the console table. He leans over and the roots of his dark hair are pulled taut as he rakes his fingers through the strands. “She hates me.”

Mikasa, Annie, and Petra trailed behind you. They’re patiently waiting outside the guest bathroom to console you once you’re ready to let them in. Their first priority is making sure you’re ok. Eren knows that after fixing another one of his fuck-ups, their next priority is that after they’re done with him, he won’t be.

He noticed that Colt was about to follow you as well until Zeke gripped his shoulder and told him to let your three other friends handle it for now.

Eliza saunters up to her father and tries to give him a comforting pat on the back. She allows him to pull her into his lap and embrace her tightly. “It’s ok, Daddy. I’m sure Momma doesn’t hate you.” Eren presses a kiss to the crown of his daughter’s head and inhales the scent of her strawberry-scented shampoo to help calm him down.

This is the first time in the last couple of weeks that his daughter allowed him to hold her close. Eliza again pats her father’s hand.

“Momma just thinks you’re a horrible husband.”

Kids really are too fucking honest.

Eliza’s words have Zeke, Connie, Colt, and Jean all snorting. Eren can tell that Eliza still is not finished at her poor attempts to comfort him since she’s getting off of his lap to look him in the eye. Thank God she’s interrupted as Petra calls out to her from the guest bedroom. “Ellie, can you come up the stairs? We need your help with something.”

Her eyes light up at the thought of being able to contribute to make her mom feel better. “Coming, Aunt Petra!” Before she darts up the stairs, she turns to Eren with a bright grin. “It’s gonna be fine, Daddy. Just stop being a stupid meanie to Momma and everything will be great again!”

Ouch.

His daughter really knows how to drive her point home.

Cyrus places his hands to cover Falco’s ears again as Eren releases another groan and a few more curses. Zeke turns to the kids on the couch as he brings out his wallet.

Zeke ruffles both boys’ hair. “Hey sports! How many curses does $5 get me?”

Cyrus beams up at him as Falco whips out the swear jar. “Depends on the swear. If it’s really bad like what Uncle Eren said, then $20 for just that one swear.” Cyrus tilts his head from side to side as he makes eye contact with Falco.

Zeke doesn’t even bother trying to understand their secret language. Cyrus wiggles his eyebrows four times. They both wait a few seconds before shaking their heads. Falco tilts his head from side to side. Then Falco blinks twice and then coughs five times. Cyrus shakes his head no. Then when Falco clicks his tongue three times, Cyrus nods, and it seems the two have come to some sort of agreement.

After this exchange between the two children, Falco suggests, “But Uncle Zeke, since you seem cool and the two cakes you helped make were pretty good...” Falco pauses for a few seconds and exchanges a smirk with Cyrus.

Cyrus continues where Falco left off. “I guess if you offer up $15, you can say any curse word of your choice and then we all go on our merry separate ways.” Zeke’s impressed. The two kids are a good team. Falco seemed to come up with the plan and Cyrus is quite the sweet talker. Zeke shakes on it with both Falco and Cyrus. Zeke drops three crumpled bills into the container.

Cyrus makes sure to clasp his hands over Falco’s ears again as soon as Zeke begins approaching his younger brother.

Zeke places his hand on Eren’s shoulder.

Yeah Eren is already beating himself up. But at the same time he has to look out for his protégée. Kid Flash is his favorite sibling after all. He’d take your side any day, even if you’re in the wrong because Eren is kind of an asshole.

Especially since Eren is an asshole.

“Eren, I have a diagnosis for your little memory problem. Y.A.D. You’d be surprised how common it is. Afflicts a large number of husbands across the world who take their wives for granted.” Zeke mockingly shakes his head in disapproval at his younger brother.

Eren peers up at his older brother and rolls his eyes. “I don’t speak smartass. Just hurry up and spit out what it stands for, asshole.”

“You’re a dumbass. I guess Y.A.S.H. or YASH applies to you too. You’re a shit husband. YASH sounds a lot catchier actually.”

Eren lets out another huff of air as he loosens his tie. “What is it? Shit on Eren day,” he angrily scoffs while he begins to roll up his sleeves.

After his outburst with the cake fiasco, Cyrus has been pretty calm and seemed more adamant on making sure Falco is protected from the adults’ curses. He’s in a much better mood after his bubble bath, but he still hates Eren.

Cyrus is a little too smug as he pipes up, “That’ll be another twenty dollars from you, Eren. Don’t pass your potty mouth onto my brother!” He shakes his head with a scowl. “Aunt (Y/N) should wash your mouth out with soap. And to answer your question, it is when you forget Aunt (Y/N)’s birthday!” Zeke, Colt, Jean, and Connie nod their heads in agreement with the child’s statement.

Jean lets out a whistle as he lays back in the recliner. “Come on, man. We’ve been throwing her a surprise party for years ever since she moved to New Hampshire for you.” He shakes his head. “I’m honestly surprised she didn’t just stay in California and mail you divorce papers when you stood her up for hours at the wedding anniversary dinner that you rescheduled and after you also missed both ultrasound appointments. (Y/N) is a saint after all.” Eren knows that Jean, Connie, Zeke, and even five-year-old Cyrus all have valid points.

Eren knows that he’s a shit husband for already forgetting two special occasions. You’ve always been way too good for him. He was lucky then that you gave him a chance. And he’s lucky now that you haven’t left him yet.

You manage to lock the door to the bathroom before Mikasa can catch you.

Why is it that you’re never enough for him?

Why can’t you be as attractive or as charming as her?

Why can’t he just let you go already?

Is he only staying for Eliza?

When did he fall out of love with you?

Was it your fault?

You’re trying to get a hold of yourself. There’s still guests in the house. Petra, Mikasa, and Annie are just outside the bathroom door. Eliza, Falco, and Cyrus are downstairs. You don’t want to make a scene.

But you just can’t help yourself from shrinking yourself into a ball on the tiled floor of the guest bathroom. It’s getting harder to swallow down the lump in your throat. Your chest is constricting. Then before you know it, your vision is blurry. Deep breaths don’t help when you’re stuttering, gasping, and wheezing with each inhalation.

He forgot the ultrasound appointments. He forgot your wedding anniversary. He forgot your birthday. He forgot his wedding band.

You don’t know why you’re trying to remember all the good times with him when Eren’s already forgotten all about you.

As soon as you hear knocking on the door, you turn on the shower. You hope the sound of running water is enough to insulate any noises in the bathroom from reaching the people just a few feet outside. When you taste salt on your tongue, that’s when you strip off your dress and drag yourself into the tub.

With the shower curtain, the running water hitting your form, and the bathroom door that thankfully Annie or Mikasa haven’t kicked down yet, you feel as if you have some semblance of privacy. You’re curled up into a ball in the tub and you relish in the feeling of the hot water mixing in with your tears.

You allow yourself to feel everything and all at once.

Since finding out about the affair with his co-worker, you’re surprised at your self-restraint. You don’t know how you’ve made it this far without snapping and ending up on the news with the headlines “Black Widow: the story of the woman behind America’s most brutal mariticide to date.”

You don’t know how you can fake a smile and play house with your lying, philandering, whore-frog of a husband who doesn’t even show the slightest bit of guilt or remorse for trampling all over trust and heart. You don’t know how you’re able to treat that little home wrecker with respect and not throw yourself out of a window when she always refers to you as one of her closest friends.

You don’t know why you’re still with him and why you haven’t talked about his infidelity at all with anyone.

Why is it so hard for you to leave Eren when all he’s done is hurt you?

Why is it so hard for you to not be ashamed of something that someone else did to you?

You can’t go back in time to fix any of your problems. You’re not sure you even would. As much as you hate Eren, you love Eliza ten times more.

There’s moments when you see how well Eren cares for your daughter.

Every Wednesday, he shows up on your front door with a red rose to take her out on a daddy-daughter date. He wants to show her that any person interested in pursuing her needs to treat her with kindness and patience and love. Whenever she’s done showering, he helps gently coax out any stubborn knots out of her hair. He shows up to every one of her swim meets and award ceremonies and school performances.

Even when he’s tired from work or from fucking his co-worker’s brains out, he’ll go to Eliza’s room to remove her socks that she was too tired to take off. He’ll kiss her on the forehead and tell her that you and her are the most precious things in his life. He repeats it over and over that he loves you both more than his own life. If he makes it early enough where she’s still settling into bed, he spoils her by reading as many bed stories as she wants and as many times as she wants. And if she’s already asleep, he’ll spend at least ten minutes making sure she’s comfortable and tucked in tightly and is having sweet dreams. He’ll whisper that he loves her and place a kiss on the crown of her head.

Even with the rare occasion that she is a stubborn little asshole and she’s throwing the mother of all tantrums because Eren did something dumb and why isn’t her mom here and she doesn’t want Eren and she just wants her mom, he’s still patient. He’ll hold her until she’s done crying it out. When Eliza calms down and says she’s sorry for ‘being a meanie,’ he accepts her apology. When he disciplines her, he always reminds her that it’s not her that he dislikes but her actions.

Eliza always knows that Eren loves her.

It’s why you still love Eren even if he doesn’t love you.

It’s moments like those where you feel something foreign, a feeling almost like genuine happiness creeping into your heart. You love him because of how immensely he loves your daughter.

Those moments are a reminder that you love him as much as you hate him. It would be more rational that after so much time with him and after so many times he’s disrespected you and your marriage vows that it should be either one or the other.

The reason why you’ve stayed with him for this long, even with knowledge of his betrayal, is because you’ve simply chosen to do both.

A/N: everyone please send a thank you to @izukine for making my blog aesthetically pleasing. Love you Lee-Lee. Thank you so much again for everything, bubz!

taglist: @pichara @izukine @honeyloverogers @wakatvshi @emepe @candy-hime @ihatelettuce @unicornlover25 @whenshefelloutofspite @bbylime @trumpettay @didiyogo @6sakusa

[bruhstories]

You Truly are Beautiful when You Cry

Summary: Y/N leaves a party only to find Eren in front of her apartment. Shit happens. Pairing: Eren Jaeger x Fem!Reader, mentioned Eren x Mikasa (modern AU) Warnings: language, mentions of loss of virginity, unprotected sex, fingering, oral sex (male receiving), masochist!Reader, toxic and dominant Eren, sadist!Eren, face slapping, mentions of blood, mention of toxic relationships, dacryphillia — Eren’s nuts, just fiy Word Count: 2.5 k

A/N: I just wanna say, I have absolutely nothing against Mikasa, I like her a lot, but for the purpose of this fic, Y/N hates her. Also, shameless smut y’all. I feel like this needs a part two  — who knows, maybe one day.

You and Eren have been friends since childhood — not inseparable, like he was with Mikasa and Armin, but good friends nonetheless. It came as a shock to you when him and Mikasa started dating, almost feeling disgusted, considering they were practically siblings. You tried your best to be supportive of their relationship, but Eren knew you too well for your own good, and sometimes you had to swallow down the vomit when you saw them together. It was even more shocking when you left Connie's party and found Eren on the stairs leading up to your apartment. He had a blank stare, not a single hint of emotion behind his emerald eyes, his lips pursed and waiting for you. You almost didn't recognise him in the dim light, his bun dishevelled, locks of hair covering his face.

"Jaeger? Is that you?" You asked, keys between your fingers, ready to hit.

"In the flesh, Y/L/N." He replied, his voice empty. You two had a habit of calling each other by your last names ever since you met in kindergarten. You lowered your hand and rushed to him, wondering if something happened tonight.

"Are you okay? You disappeared from the party all of a sudden. Armin was worried sick-"

"We broke up." The words caught you off guard, but in a sick twist of events, you were happy to hear that. In a way, you knew their relationship was doomed from the very beginning, surprised that it even lasted three full years.

"Shit." You chewed your lip in the darkness of the hallway. "Come on, let's go inside, you can tell me everything."

Eren looked at the hand you extended and gripped it tightly, helping himself up. The two of you had an odd friendship, to say the least. Before Mikasa, Eren would tease you, sexual innuendos all over the place, he'd seen you naked countless times, you caught him jacking off once. You both lost your virginities to one another, no strings attached. But you did get attached. You got so attached when him and Mikasa started dating and the rotten feeling ate you from the inside out.

You flipped the switch inside your flat and threw your backpack on a chair, along with your jacket. Eren kicked his boots off and threw himself on the couch with a growl while you pulled out a bottle of vodka from the fridge. He always acted like your apartment was his.

"Food?"

"No."

"Alright. Now tell me, what happened?" You asked, seating beside him and passing him the alcoholic beverage. He took a sip to wet his dry throat and threw his head back.

"We went in a room at Connie's. I wanted to tie her up with that stupid scarf she keeps wearing — my scarf — and she kept saying no." Eren explained before taking a few more sips. You nodded, eager to hear the rest of the story and trying your best to contain your giddiness. "I didn't force her or anything. She started spewing shit about how I changed, how I'm always angry and aggressive, how we don’t make love anymore. How I'm not the pure, innocent boy she fell in love with." He practically mocked the sentence. "And then that was it. Said we aren't compatible anymore and that she wants out of this 'toxic' relationship." Eren gestured quotation marks in the air while you took the bottle and downed some vodka yourself.

"Man, I'm really sorry to hear this." You lied. The sound of his dark laughter sent shivers down your spine, the little hair on your arms and the back of your neck standing up. "Something funny, Jaeger?"

"You're such a terrible liar, Y/N." Eren slightly turned his head to look you in the eye. Your own name rolling down his tongue sounded so natural, so perfect. You tried to speak, but the words stopped in your throat when he moved closer, his figure hovering above your petite frame. "What, you think I didn't know?"

"K-know what?" You finally managed, a short-circuit in your brain.

"That you're so obviously in love with me." Eren flashed you a sneer.

"Am not—" slap

His palm met your cheek, hard enough to flush it crimson, but not hard enough to hurt. Mouth agape, you just couldn't respond. For three long years you waited for this man to come to his senses and realise how much you truly loved him, how much you devoted yourself to him, how much you support him. Not Mikasa, you.

"You don't have to hide anymore, Y/N." Eren kissed your forehead and you were putty in his hands. "I know you’ve loved me since we first fucked. I know how much you yearn for me to fuck you again."

"You're delusional!" You finally told him, despite how correct he was.

"Prove me wrong then. Go on, yell at me, shove me. Do it." But you couldn't do it, could you? Your luscious lips parted open, then they closed. "That's what I thought." He crushed his lips onto yours in a sloppy, wet kiss, your hands tangling in his messy hair, the bun long gone. Eren's calloused hands snaked around your waist and under your shirt and, in a moment of clarity, you stopped him.

"W-wait, you two just broke up! I don't want to be your rebound—"

"Who said anything about that?"

"Are you insane? You loved her!"

"Have I?"

The simple question made you realise that Mikasa bight have been right all along. That something was indeed wrong with Eren. The lack of empathy and emotion, the aggressive behaviour, the manipulation. Yet, it didn't bother you, because he came to you specifically. He could've hooked up with any other girl from the party, but he wanted you.

"Don't spoil the moment, Y/N. I might change my mind."

"No, please!" The words came out of your mouth without a warning, strengthening the fact that you were completely and hopelessly desperate.

"Perfect." Eren purred in your ear. That was all he needed to hear before his shirt was on the floor and his hands on your thighs. You tentatively pulled your skirt up, spreading your legs for him, just for him. "Good slut."

The degrading praise earned him a mewl from you, your hips thrusting into his touch, wanting more. Eren didn't waste any more time, and his fingers rubbed your wet folds through the fabric of your thongs. Your muscles instinctively flexed at the touch, your body burning with need and lust. His other hand trailed off to find your perfectly soft, round breasts. Your own hands roamed through his black hair, fingers tangling in the locks as you merely whispered 'more', unable to speak louder.

"Tell me, have you been whoring around these last years?" Eren demanded, fingers pushing your panties to the side. It slightly bothered you how much he talked during this, but, as always, Jaeger got what he wanted.

"N-no..." You told him, quiet as a mouse, but he wouldn't have any of that. Like a maniac, he ripped the lace lingerie off of you, scratching your thighs in the process. You could feel the burning sensation in the markings he left.

"I told you, Y/N, no fucking lies. I wanna know every single man who's touched you."

"W-why? Why does it m-matter?" You stuttered, your eyes searching his. Why did it matter, though? It wasn't like he cared about who you fucked. Unless... unless he did care. And his relationship with Mikasa was nothing but a mistake on his part.

"Because," Eren oh so slowly caressed your folds with his long fingers, "you're mine. Always have been, always will be." He easily slipped his index finger inside of you. "And I won't fuck you unless you tell me who else you slept with."

"Ah– w-with Jean!"

"And?"

"And R-Reiner!" You whimpered, frantically fucking yourself with his hand. You were a sight for sore eyes, sprawled on the couch and longing for his touch.

"And?" The word accentuated so hard that you thought he was about to kill you on the spot.

"Fuck– P-Porco and Ah-Annie! I swear, that's it!" You promised, your breath hitching, heartbeat raising.

"One more thing, Y/N. Did you think of me while you fucked them?"

"Yes! Always! P-please, Eren, please fuck m-me! I'm begging you!"

The little plea seemed to satisfy Jaeger. Or so you thought, because he grabbed a fistful of your hair and dragged you all the way across the apartment to your bedroom, unbothered and unphased by you screaming how much it hurt. He threw you on the shaggy rug in your room, and as you scrambled to gain your composure, you heard Eren's belt hit the floor.

"You should be an expert in sucking cock by now. Prove me how much you want me." He commanded. His voice was low and dangerous, he didn't have to yell to make you scared shitless. Obediently and afraid, you crawled to the bed on all fours, removed your shirt and palmed his hot, hard member. It was already leaking precum, and so your tongue sensually licked the droplets, the saltiness mixed with the aftertaste of vodka in your mouth sending you in a frenzy. He scared you — no, he terrified you, but you couldn't deny you were enjoying this. Mikasa didn't like it rough? Fuck that, you would let Eren kill you if it pleased him. You swirled your tongue around the tip of his cock and worked your way down his shaft, guttural sounds coming from his throat. His hand found its way to your head, and he forcefully pushed it down, stuffing your mouth and throat with his (too) thick member. Tears from pleasure and pain pooled at your Y/E/C eyes and he held you there for a good ten seconds before releasing you.

"Did I make you cry?" Eren asked, his voice almost concerned.

"Mhm." You sobbed with a nod, and he once again grabbed you by the hair, pulled you up and bent you over the wooden bedframe. So much for concern.

"Good." Jaeger slapped your ass so hard you screeched and dug your fingernails in the wood. "Remember what I told you first time I saw you cry?" He asked before positioning himself at your entrance. You nodded — how could you forget? You were both 13 and you got a bad grade, crying your eyes out and thinking that was the end of the world. Normal people would have tried to comfort you and tell you to stop crying. But not Eren. He told you he's never seen anything more beautiful. That should've been a red flag. That should've been a sign to run. Instead, you kept crying as he told you he wanted to see more. A sadist from the very beginning, and you — nothing but a slave.

Eren's thrust woke you up from the distant memory and you arched your back in response. He stretched your walls and it felt like his cock was made for you.

"You don't happen to have any rope, do you?" He asked so nonchalantly.

"N-no-"

"'S alright, we'll just use my belt." Jaeger pulled out and a sense of emptiness filled you. He belonged inside of you — you knew that for a fact — he was meant to be with you. Eren cracked the belt and whipped it all over your exposed ass, your pain-filled scream bringing joy to his ears. You couldn’t see him, but you could feel his sadistic smile burning like the sun on your nape. Before you knew it, he had your wrists tied behind your back, the thin wooden frame pushing into your skin.

"Much better." He decided as he thrusted back inside. You whimpered, moaned, groaned, all sorts of sounds came out of you as his fingers dug into your flesh. As much as you wanted, you couldn't move, gravity pulling you down. You didn't know what hurt more: the bedframe sinking deeper into your abdomen, his deeper thrusts or the tight belt around your wrists. It was safe to say your knees were wobbly, and you could feel the climax getting closer. God, you were pathetic. He barely fucked you and yet you were done for.

"E-Eren! I'm c-coming!"

"I know." He told you absentmindedly, his hand moving from your hip in-between your thighs. "I want you to be good and cum, alright?"

"Yes! Oh, fuck!! Harder – faster!" You moaned as Eren rubbed your swollen clit. A wave of pleasure took over your entire body, your legs trembling as you came all over his cock. He didn't stop, despite you begging him you couldn't take it anymore, instead he kept fucking your numbing cunt, longing for release. It hurt like a bitch to feel his thrusts, and you really wanted him to pull out, but at the same time, you had to do it — for him.

"Whoever told you that you get to tell me when to stop?" Eren bent over and grabbed you by the neck, bringing you closer to him. The fingers around tour soft neck would definitely leave a mark next day. "I'm your god, Y/N!" He groaned in your ear with one final thrust. You both sighed as he pulled out, cum leaking from your folds. You were extremely thankful to be on the fucking pill. He untied your wrists and gathered his underwear and jeans from the floor.

When you noticed him getting dressed, anxiety seeped into your veins. Wasn't he going to stay over? At least for the night? Take a shower? Anything!

"You're leaving?" You asked him, surprising yourself with the condescending tone of your voice.

"Yes?" Eren retorted, baffled by the audacity of your question.

"B-but, where are you going??" Now you just sounded desperate. “We can stay in silenc—"

"To get back with Mikasa."

Your heart sank to your stomach. To do what? Mikasa? How could he do this to you? Shit, it would've been better if you were his rebound, but this? This hurt worse. Your entire body shivered, and not from your climax. You were trembling with anger, disappointment.

"N-no, you're not!" You ran to the front door, despite the pain in your abdomen caused by the wooden bedframe. "Eren, plase! She'll never love you like I do! Please don't go, I'm begging you!"

"Don't be pathetic, Y/N." He rolled his eyes. That stupid brain in your head made you fall down your knees in front of a fully dressed Eren, tears rolling down your cheeks and trying everything in your power to stall him from leaving. "You truly are beautiful when you cry." He pushed you with his leg and walked past you. You tried to grab his sleeve, his hand, anything, but it was too late.

When the door closed behind him, he didn't know what he'd created. There, on the floor, you swung your body back and forth, knees to your chin, makeup ruined, matted hair. Your fingernails clawed at the wood underneath you until the nail polish chipped and blood seeped at the tip of your fingers. Eren Jaeger broke you into a million pieces, he ripped your heart out of your chest and ate it. But it’s alright, you told yourself between indiscernible words. The only word that you could coherently say over and over again was revenge.

[moomoomooing]

Kyuu and why he’s in NRC

some ramblings for kyuu and NRC, specifically on how NRC is a school for villains

this was honestly really fun to write and I wrote so much more than intended. I promise i’ll get around to writing more on kyuu and leona once i’ve splurged out all the lore i want for kyuu rn :D

yk i havent said it here but like, NRC is a school full of villains essentially right, it’d be pretty weird to slap some wholesome and pure-hearted person into NRC- especially when RSA exists lmao

idk i was thinking abt it and yeah, yuusonas and just yuu characters in general are the expection to this cause theyre arent at NRC by choice or really fit in with the rest of the boys in “evilness”

oh also- kyuu here, while I list him as a sona for myself, isnt really the most accurate representation of myself, I put on a lot of negative aspects on him and we certainly wouldn’t act the same way. So maybe listing him as an oc/sona would be far more accurate. He’s based off of me, but I develop him as his on character- using myself for reference. (For when I talk about it: I do not condone bullying and it makes me really uncomfortable to even witness it, empathy ig? i dont really understand it myself, but yeah, that part specifically is purely made for Kyuu and why he’s an NRC boy)

so i present some of the stuff that makes Kyuu an NRC student :)

To him its kinda everyman for himself, he’ll help if its reachable and fairly easy for him, or that person has some great significance to him (aka emotionally important or like, powerful ppl he wants to be on the good side of). But otherwise, he’ll leave that person to just kinda suffer-he’ll offer condolences and be on his way. He’s tries to stay on good terms with Azul for that reason, it’s real easy to pull strings when you’re friends with someone like that, even just a name drop of the tweels or Azul might intimidate some people. He’s never signed a deal but he does work part-time at the Mostro Lounge. He’s incredibly self-sufficient to the point where he will allow himself to sink and refuse to make a peep to others. Professor Trein is basically the only exception- and that took a lot of pondering to take the chance. 

He’s cold, not just in appearance from his resting face, but if he doesn’t know you, theres a good chance he’ll never bother talking to you. Hell he doesn’t like getting involved in stuff like bullying, either being the bully or preventing it- to him it’s free entertainment, the only exception is underclassmen he particularly likes or if they’re in the Equestrian Club with him. Catching Floyd or Jade on a hunt for a student might just make it to his most memorable moment of the day, It’s a bore when all the kids are the same type of roughhousing and mean. His social bubble is small and restrictive- which is why getting such a severe crush on Leona was so significant. If he wanted any type of closure or chance it would force him to interact and actually try to be nice and active with people he doesn’t care about to make some connections. He met Ruggie that way, and while Ruggie saw through him immediately, it definitely worked on other Spelldrive Club members (ahem Epel). Though nowadays he’s far more involved with the first years, he actually tutors (attempts to) Deuce and Ace, and any of the other first years when they need help, so that relation with Epel became a lot more genuine than before. 

Getting into a relationship with Leona didn’t really change much for him, besides the whole independency thing. A brief side note-I find it really unbelievable that overblots don’t have some sort of intense recovery period, which for my purposes I say they do. Even after a week or two you still feel the effects of the blot, maybe even a physical manifestation of blot, throwing it up or choking on it at its worst. Kyuu and Leona got together a mere days after Leona overblotted, it was a moment of fear for Kyuu- Kyuu being amongst the crowd when it happened, and Leona being pretty emotionally vulnerable afterwards and was forced to admit and re-confront lifelong doubts and pains. Leona ended up needing to do check-ups in the infirmary, having to stay a night when the blot afterwards had surged back and Ruggie forced him to actually get help. Kyuu ended up visiting the infirmary at the time, and well, they confessed. (This is something I’ll probably write about later, especially how I think it would go from Leona’s side bc I think that’s interesting lmao.) This, quite frankly, is a pretty awkward way to start a relationship. It took a lot of time to truly get comfortable around each other and begin to open up emotionally. Bringing this back around to how it changed Kyuu’s whole sever emotional independence, they were close enough that it made Kyuu actually talk. Leona doesn’t pry or force more out of Kyuu than necesarry- and that helps so much in making him feel like he can drop it into conversations (where appropriate of course.) That pressure of making it feel like it’s a big deal is crippling to him.

Oh lord this turned into some intense brainrot- if you made it this for a smooch for you and im sorry for writing so much-