#he's a slimy little bastard but he's so hard to hate

[look-at-the-stars-tonight]

Star Trek 2009 holds such a special place in my heart 

[cosmicck]

𝟮𝟬𝟭𝟬. 𝗕. 𝗞𝗔𝗨𝗟𝗜𝗧𝗭

ᴜꜱᴇ ʏᴏᴜʀ ꜰɪɴɢᴇʀ ᴛᴏ

𝚜𝚝𝚒𝚛 𝚖𝚢 𝚝𝚎𝚊

ke$ha⭐

𝓼𝔂𝓹𝓷𝓸𝓼𝓲𝓼: Jesus, since when did bill get so big and grown up? you could have sworn you bought him when he was so little..

𝓰𝓮𝓷𝓭𝓮𝓻: male

𝓯𝓲𝓬 𝓽𝔂𝓹𝓮: fic + headcanon(?)

𝓶𝓮𝓷𝓽𝓲𝓸𝓷𝓼: male leaning reader(GIRLS??? I WANNA SEE MEN), bills half snake/hybrid bill, mating season(felt so wrong typing that out), breeding kink(talks of impregnation, mating press), cream pie(wtf bro) double penetration(reptiles have two dicks), clingy bill, marking, reader almost dies cause of bills big ass tail, bro how would you feel if a fat ass snake slept with you in your bed, bill keeps smelling you n shi idk, bill got nipple piercings, google translated german(thats how you know this is booty), belly bulge(?) i don't know

𝗯𝗶𝗹𝗹 𝗵𝗮𝘁𝗲𝗱 𝗵𝗼𝘄 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝘀𝗺𝗲𝗹𝘁 𝘄𝗵𝗲𝗻 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝗰𝗮𝗺𝗲 𝗯𝗮𝗰𝗸 𝗵𝗼𝗺𝗲.

the smell of other people all over you it was so nasty, he would never keep his hands from you the moment you'd step in and remove your shoes. the slithering lower half of his would be quick before he'd tower over you— and tightly wrap himself just to make you smell like him home. the strong musk like smell would cover all over your body, getting all over your current clothes and God did he hate when you washed them.

why would you wash what he just worked so hard to put on you? how insensitive could you truly be. he'd like it when you would buy him a shirt or sweater to wear though, "i don't need it." but he would always trick you into wearing it right after him so he could linger onto you longer as he would cling to your body and not let go. clingy bastard.

why would you always speak of others? could you not see the clear annoyance plastered onto his face? "today at work my friend had..bill? you listening?" "no." well it was rude, the only point he'd let you carry on was to the sound of your pretty voice.

he really liked your voice, the way your small whimpers would strain into breathy moans was really his favorite part, when your hands would mindlessly search for his to grab while your back would arch from the damp sheets below the two of you— it was was all he'd think of. "oh fuck..! bill, stop i really can't.." "shh, that smell is still on you— Scheiße, i want it off." the end of his scaley tail would curve around the girth of your length, the slimy feeling spreading slick all over your cock and each time you'd be close he'd taunt you so so much. "why should i let you? you practically hooked with someone else being too close to them..hold it "

he enjoyed cock warming with you. it was a time to where the both of you could be vulnerable to one another. a useless TV show would play into the backround, only one out of two dicks had been plunged inside of you and the other was wet rubbing between your thighs while you would pathetically rub your member together with his, all the while softly riding him at the same time it was a sight to see..your tongue would lick lewdly at his nipple, watching as it perked and as the golden piercing would be filled with saliva.

as clingy as he was especially in the mornings, you'd never have had to call off from it. it was weird, he seriously wouldn't let go of you and he was squeezing so tightly you almost couldn't breathe. "stay..stay, stay, please stay." his pelvis would rub to yours, his hips harshly pressing onto the front of your shorts. bodies hot, sticky, and sweaty, bills mouth would slobber all over your body quickly, his teeth pricking your sensitive flesh leaving little dots of blood along with the big bite marks tattered from your neck and down.

the small possesive mutters of his wouldn't go unheard by you, his fingers scratching at you tightly as if you'd leave with every movement you would make but it wasn't like you could leave he had full control of your body. you could take two couldn't you though? it wasn't that hard, he just had to make it fit and it would fit he needed to go all the way with you or he would get worse. he just needed to feel your warmth so tightly, the tensing of your body as he would barely inch in he would rush.

"i'll fill you s'good, filled with all of me.." the slit muscle in his mouth would slide past his bottom lip, watching as you'd writhe and twitch— and jolt uncontrollably as the penetration was so new to you. the quick thrusts as he'd hiss close to your ear, your moans and words giving him such affirmination. "bill, bill, oh! bill it's too much— 'm already so close..." the watery look in your lovely eyes was so pleasuring to him, a smile curving at the tip of his lip as his pointy fang would show through.

the curve of his dicks would press right where you wanted, a new set of seed all over your stomach as he wouldn't make you hold it in this time. but the two of you weren't finished; "mmh..uh-uh, i'm not done..it isn't fair you get to cum so much yet i haven't. i meant what i said." what was he talking about! poor you..breathing all heavy and uneven you couldn't even remember your own name, only taking in the outline of how big he felt inside of you, stretching you all out.

the way you looked so dazed when he was finally finished with you, your legs trembling so much as he came so much in you it would ooze right between your thighs and down to the newly clean sheets you just washed. his palm pressing to your filled up stomach, the bulging feeling of him in you and you could already feel it, what was he reminding you for? "feel that?" he would say, "i got you so full, i know you can feel me so deep huh?"

he was so damn proud of himself.

tagging♡: @tokio-motel @cherry-rawr @evieskiesss @itsmealaiah @20doozers @iloveandlivetokiohotel

a/n: so yall want a fem version of this??? lmk if u do😊 chat the plot WILL NOT be the exact same or just replaced genitals, that's BORING ill js think of a diff plot

[reixtsu]

Hello there thank you for following me and if it's okay can I please ask for a jealous chuuya with a Yuutsu darling

And where he

Gets jealous when she spends time with dazai more than him and chuuya can't take it anymore especially when dazai tells chuuya that he is her favorite

She is an OC of mine you can find more information about her on my page here on Tumblr and

(You can make the smutty if you want to)

“She’s mine!” A Chuuya Nakahara x (requested)! OC

Characters: Chuuya Nakahara, Yuutsu, Osamu Dazai

Genre: Angst(?), Fluff…maybe smut in the sequel to this!

Warning(s): Double suicide mention (*ahem* Dazai pointing at you), bickering

Scenario: Chuuya has noticed that his darling Yuutsu has been out a lot, stating that she is busy with her friend. She never mentioned who this ‘friend’ was, so Chuuya started to get suspicious. Despite his failed attempts on bringing the subject up, she would never say who the said person was.

Headcannons:

The audacity.

This man is a choleric, temperamental short king who has commitment issues! Once he cares for someone, he cares! He just wants someone who will love him and stay with him! So when he sees Yuutsu with someone else…especially that bastard that everyone ‘hates’, oh.

How could that disgusting womanizer that is no longer human breath around his woman? How DARE he?!

Chuuya loves Yuutsu and gets easily jealous of her. He sees Yuutsu as his little baby girl darling.

Scenario:

Chuuya Nakahara, the handsome short Port Mafia executive; one of the most powerful members in the organization, has never felt this weird before. It felt disgusting. It was as if a bitter and slimy food had taken the form of an emotion. He didn’t know how to name the feeling, but every time Yuutsu would say that she had plans with her friend, it left him feeling weird with…negativity.

With his usual choleric and blunt personality, he would have usually put the person in question in a chokehold and demand what’s happening, but this was a romantic relationship. He couldn’t result to violence. He wasn’t about to become an abusive person to the person he loved dearly in this cruel world. Thus, he tried to bring the topic up.

He noticed that Yuutsu was gracefully putting on her Mary Jane shoes. Her pink silky bangs swiftly covered part of her face. For some reason, Chuuya's heart started to beat faster as he found her small movement so… mesmerizing.

"Oi, where're you going? Surely I can go too," Chuuya clicked his tongue, placing a hand on his hip as he looked at her expectedly.

Yuutsu turned to him with her soft pink eyes. "You can come if you'd like, however you might not like where I'm going." She replied in her sweet tone.

Chuuya scoffed. "I don't like how this is going, but I'll go with you." He paused for a moment, his irritated expression quickly turned into a blushing one. "But don't think too much of it! I'm only going because…because there might be danger! Don't want a pretty girl like you dyin' in these dirty streets."

Yuutsu chuckled, her laugh bringing shivers along his spine. It was the kind of shiver that was welcome…a sort of thrill.

"Sure thing, humanoid puss and boots," Yuutsu chuckled, refraining herself from laughing too much.

"Oi oi oi," Chuuya proceeded to look irritated, smiling a bit but was still ticked off. "I am not a cat, or short, or whatever! I'm still growing and stronger than that cat will ever be!"

Yuutsu simply smiled at him and walked out the door, Chuuya following closely behind.

The sun was high in the sky, shining a golden light over Yokohama. Chuuya squinted slightly, hoping his eyes would adjust to the light as he followed Yuutsu to this mysterious place of hers. He walked beside her, holding her hand with one pinky interlocked with hers.

The ginger looked around, familiar with where they were. He looked pretty content, enjoying being in the company of Yuutsu after a begrudgingly hard evening the previous day. It felt nice to be alive in her angelic presence. He was content, until his 'bastard radar' went off.

Chuuya cursed under his breath as he saw the Armed Detective Agency in sight. Was this the place Yuutsu was going? What business does she have with them? No…surely she can't be seeing that bastard of a mummy that smells like rotten mackerel, right? Chuuya sure hoped that wasn't the case.

As Yuutsu led them closer to the agency, the more irritated Chuuya got, though Chuuya didn't show this at all.

"Oh! Well if it isn't the most beautiful woman in the world, my beautiful Belladonna, Yuutsu!" A flirtatious flamboyant man called out from near the building. A tall young man with a tan trench coat and chestnut hair waved to the both of them, standing in front of the entrance.

Yuutsu smiled, making Chuuya horrified.

"Ah, Dazai!" Yuutsu giggled, running up towards him a little.

Chuuya couldn't walk at all for a moment as he just stood there in prue horror and disgust. How could that bastard Dazai have that courage to talk to Yuutsu like that? Yuutsu was his girl, not Dazai's, that thing that is no longer human. He couldn't even breathe when Dazai wrapped his slender arms around  Yuutsu's waist to bring her into a tight embrace. Yuutsu timidly returned the gesture, making Chuuya want to rip Dazai's musty crusty arms off his woman. It made his blood boil with such possessiveness.

"Oi you sh*tty bastard! Hands off!" Chuuya slapped Dazai's arms away and gently but swiftly brought Yuutsu closer to him, wrapping one arm protectively over her waist. He didn't mean to, but he also hissed.

Yuutsu's eyes widened, surprised with the sudden turn of events.

"Ew, it's the shorty snail that wears a hat to try to look like an ugly giant," Dazai remarked with mock disgust, making the most dramatic disgusted face at the shorter man.

"You're the ugly one here! How dare you touch Yuutsu!" Chuuya growled, glaring daggers up at Dazai. "Ugh! I'm going to kill you!"

"Being killed by you is prue dissatisfaction. I'd much rather do a double suicide with your beautiful girlfriend." Dazai retorted nonchalantly.

"Oi! Don't bring my girlfriend into your stupid shenanigans!"

"Maybe she prefers being with me. Perhaps that's why she hangs out with me more than you! She sees me everyday, mind you.~"

Chuuya paused for a moment, almost not believing Dazai's words before he whipped his head to look at Yuutsu. His face looked a little betrayed and angered.

"A-ah…s-stop fighting…" Yuutsu muttered quietly, scared at the two men fighting.

The hatrack scoffed and turned his attention back towards Dazai. "Who cares? I'm the one she sleeps next to at the end of the day! She loves me much more than your flat ass!"

Dazai dramatically gasped, placing a hand over his chest, visibly wounded. "Mind you, my ass is better than yours! Who wants a thick ass?!"

Yuutsu had to prevent herself from laughing too much.

"She likes me for my better, more superior and thicker ass!"

Dazai scoffed. "Well I may have a flat ass, but at least I have depth, complexity and character! I am much more entertaining than you will ever be!"

"I am stronger and can protect her better."

"Guys, really- let's stop bickering about this," Yuutsu muttered, hand shaking a little as she stepped forward in an attempt to stop the two men from fighting any further. It was embarrassing to be the subject of conversation.

"Mind you, I am her favorite." Dazai said sternly, looking coldly down at Chuuya. It seemed as if he was hovering over him.

Chuuya stopped functioning, anger boiling within him like a kettle. He activated his ability and really wanted to hurt Dazai. "You wanna go, huh?"

Dazai just laughed as if a toddler had challenged him to a game of chess. "You are really temperamental, aren't you. That must be why everyone leaves you in the end, because you always resort to violence."

That hit a cord in Chuuya, making him lower his arm slowly as he stared at the ground. Dazai's comment hurt deeply, as if a dagger was stapled and glued into his core. A rush of memories flooded his head as he remembered all those who betrayed him. Could it be that Yuutsu was one of those people who betrayed him now?

"Chuuya!" Yuutsu called out gently, wrapping her delicate arms around Chuuya's shoulders. "Shh, it's okay. Don't fall into those memories. I'll be here for you."

Chuuya flinched slightly at the sudden touch. He still felt really wounded, however felt a little comforted knowing that Yuutsu was at least concerned about his well being.

"I'm sorry Chuuya…I had not intended to cause such chaos between you two…I hated seeing it." Yuutsu muttered quietly, obviously uncomfortable and anxious. "I'm just friends with Dazai, nothing more. I was afraid to tell you because I thought you would kill him. I don't want Dazai to die."

Both of the men's eyes softened slightly. A rare, gentle and genuine smile slowly painted across Dazai's face.

"I see…" Chuuya coughed awkwardly, not knowing how to handle the kind of situation they were in. "It was my fault. I just can't stand this….fish."

A very comical dramatic sigh escaped Dazai's lips as he rolled his eyes in exasperation. "I'm willing to tolerate Chuuya for you when you're around. We both are. Isn't that right, now Chuuya?"

Chuuya snarled, disliking the idea of tolerating Dazai. "Fine, but only because I love Yuutsu and I don't want her to feel concerned."

Yuutsu smiled and hugged Chuuya tighter. "Thank you, my love!" Her cheery smile and angelic voice brightened up the atmosphere. "Thank you too, Dazai-san."

After the…incident is what Chuuya preferred to call it- Yuutsu and Chuuya went back to their expensive shared penthouse that they called their home. They both flipped onto the couch and sighed, tired from the day.

"Oi, doll, your mine and only mine." Chuuya grabbed Yuutsu and made her sit on his lap. He frowned, feeling a little grouchy. "That bastard Dazai is filled with disgusting germs and doesn't deserve to have an angel like you."

Yuutsu's face blushed crimson red. She chuckled, flustered at the position they were in. "I-i got that…"

——————————————————————————————————

Author’s note: I am so sorry it took me a long time! *bows* I am almost done with the drawing, which shall be shown in the sequel to this one.

I enjoyed writing this very much! It was a very interesting request!

For the smut part, that shall be in the squeal!

Also, to those who requested Milgram, thank you s much! I shall start writing your requests soon!

[ieroween1031]

My Thoughts in Real Time as I Watched Episode 13 of Love in the Air That Absolutely Nobody Asked For:

- IM SO EXCITED I CANT BREATHE

- I can’t believe this is the (second to) last time I’m gonna see this intro, I already want to cry

- Fucking Sig, I love him so much.

- Can we get a spin-off just dedicated to Sig?

- Rain, you nosy motherfucker. We love you for this.

- Also, I’m so totally here for Sky finally not holding back his emotions. Agreeing to give Pai a ‘prize’ if he wins? We love to see it.

- Prapai’s posting picture of Sky on his Instagram? I’m fucking dead.

- These episode names are too much. Can’t do it!

- Aww, little baby Sky.

- Sky smoking? Oof. I don’t care how gross it is, smoking is hot. Sue me.

- If that was really the first time Sky took a drag of a cigarette, he’d have coughed it all back out. The first few cigarettes as a new smoker suck, and they fucking hurt.

- On that note, don’t smoke, kids! It’s bad for you!

- I knew that it was gonna be Gun, and as soon as I saw him, I honest to god growled. Fucker.

- Don’t cry, don’t cry, don’t cry. (To myself and to Sky)

- Listen to your friends, Sky!

- Okay, smoking’s not hot when this fucking dickbag does it.

- This should go without saying, but for everyone out there reading this, don’t let anyone take advantage of you or hurt you unless you’re into it. Don’t go along with shit you’re not comfortable with just to prove that you love someone. Fuck them, fuck their feelings, protect yourself.

- Okay, I’ll get off my soapbox now.

- Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck I don’t wanna watch this.

- I can’t imagine how hard this was for Peat. The reaction video is gonna hurt.

- Fuck, I hope someone kills this fucking asshole.

- I know this is an emotional scene, but I’m losing my shit over Pai calling Sky ‘baby’

- THIS FUCKING COCKMONGER AGAIN?

- Take your fucking eyes off of him and wipe that smirk off your face, you shitbird.

- Fluffy PrapaiSky will be the death of me.

- I’m so proud of Sky for not being afraid and being able to admit how he feels. My sweet baby has come so far!

- The look of terror on Sky’s face when he didn’t know who was hugging him is just one giant foreshadow and I hate it.

- “My lucky star” 😭😭😭😭

- Payu is 1000% done with Pai’s lovesick ass like he probably wasn’t just as bad a few months ago.

- We need more Payu/Sky and Prapai/Rain. The boyfriend/best friend dynamic is so freaking cute.

- Every time I see that bastard, I get so fucking angry.

- I was gonna yell at Sky to run as soon as he saw Gun, but I remember when someone who looked like my abuser walked into my job and I shut down and just completely froze, so I understand why he couldn’t run.

- It’s absolutely killing me that Pai knows that Petch is a slimy little snake, but that he doesn’t know why.

- Yes, Sky! You stand up for yourself! Your man loves you, and don’t forget it!

- Rain, I know you’re trying to be helpful, but I kinda wanna smack you.

- Rain really is a gold(fish)en retriever, isn’t he? Head empty, no thoughts, attention span that only lasts two seconds, but damn it, he’s a good boy that’s trying his best.

- I feel nauseous watching Sky walk into that apartment.

- You fucking liars. I’m so angry.

- I’m so glad that Sky doesn’t believe them. It’s amazing to see how much he’s changed.

- Sky Protection Squad in full force, yes! Go rescue him!

- Where the fuck are Rain and Payu while Pai and Gun are in the bedroom? Are they just making tea with the other assholes that were in the apartment? Come on, guys.

- Kill him. Kill him. Kill him. Kill him.

- Love him to death, but for the love of method acting, someone please teach Fort how to properly throw a punch.

- He should have killed him. And Payu should have hit Petch, too.

- I don’t know what hurts more, Sky being catatonic and not being able to cry, or Pai sobbing for him.

- He brought him home. Like, home, home.

- That picture of the two of them on Pai’s desk, I could cry.

- I don’t even have any more thoughts, I’m just happy that Gun and Stop are gone, all four of my boys are happy, and that Pai knows everything about Sky now.

- There are a bunch of scenes from the novel that I’m sad were not in the series, but that could be a whole separate post.

- WHAT THE FUCK AM I SUPPOSED TO DO WITH MY LIFE NOW?

- Aside from finish KinnPorsche (I still have two episodes left), catch up on Remember Me and Between Us, binge all the other shows I have on my To Watch list, and tear my hair out waiting for Just Say Yes.

- Excuse me while I rewatch the entire series over and over.

[mwolf0epsilon]

There are Burnt Bridges to Rebuild

Summary: Geoduck makes a mess and Sponge realizes they might not be the only medically traumatized member of their batch. The outcome of both of these events might lead to some closure for the both of them.

[I felt like it was about time I addressed Geoduck's attempts to apologize to Sponge, and how hard it actually is for him to do so. In mini drabble form.of course.]

---

Ice cold dread threatens to choke out what little breath remains in his lungs when the look of absolute fury that greets him, stabs directly into his still very much racing heart. He knows it's them, because the angry tears and the absolute betrayal can mean only one thing: Geoduck has managed to screw this up almost immediately.

It had been an uphill battle, trying to reconnect with his batcher. The batcher he'd abandoned and left to be scorned when they'd needed help the most.

Geoduck had known earning forgiveness from Sponge would not be easy. He hadn't thought he deserved it to be easy. And yet they'd given him more than enough chances.

And he screwed it up. Hurt them all over again. Because he was too karking stupid to deal with his faulty brain. His gods damned face blindness...

"I... I'm so s-sorry..."

"I should have known this was too good to be true..." They hissed icily, the heat of their fury turning into a Sub-Zero burn that could rival Hoth's frigid winters. The tear tracks and snot making their face shiny and tacky. "I should have known this was all just another trick!"

"Sponge I... I didn't mean--"

"Conch put you up to this, didn't he? He knew I'd never go anywhere near him, so he karking... He fucken'... That sneaky bastard! You slimy asshole!" Sponge hadn't always had such a short fuse. They'd used to be so sweet when they were a cadet.

Geoduck is ashamed to admit he hadn't recognized when that part of them died.

He wonders if it had happened on the same day Jelly had marched on...

"It wasn't... I wasn't trying... I... Vee-Vee'ika..."

"DON'T CALL ME THAT! I HATE YOU! I HATE ALL OF YOU!" Sponge pushed him, hard. It made Geoduck stumble slightly. "I LET ALL OF YOU BE JUST LIKE YOU TOLD ME! I STOPPED CALLING, I DELETED YOUR COMM NUMBERS, I NEVER STEPPED FOOT IN 79'S SO I WOULDN'T KILL THE VIBE! WHY CAN'T ALL OF YOU JUST LIVE YOUR OWN LIVES AND LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE WHEN I DID EVERYTHING YOU ASKED OF ME?!"

"Vee... I... I didn't mean to... I..." He's a bad ori'vod. He's always been a bad ori'vod. He let his vod'ika suffer because he'd been so scared of his own stupid problem, and now he couldn't even fix it.

Because he couldn't recognize them. He couldn't recognize anyone. Everyone, including his vode, were strangers to him until they identified themselves properly. Until he could be sure they were who they claimed to be.

He was such a waste of meat.

"I'm sorry! I didn't mean to I swear! I was coming, but I couldn't find you! I couldn't find you! I can't ever find anyone!" He claws desperately at his scalp, tries to commit their face to memory but it never works. Something in the back of his head just tells him that's not his vod. That's not his general. Everyone is not who they seem until he can be sure they're not actually an imposter.

He claws and claws at his defective head, trying to get at his defective brain, and freezes when his hands are abruptly pulled away before he can break skin and draw blood.

Sponge is staring at him, a look of pure shock frozen on their face.

"What...?"

Had he spoken out loud? He couldn't tell being as he was in a bit of a state of panic at blowing his chances to be a good brother again. Geoduck supposes he's never told them about his plight.

".... My... My face blindness... I can't..." He's so ashamed of himself. Ashamed of his stupid little insignificant problem. "I tried... I tried memorizing everything that makes everyone unique. Their voices, the way the say things, the patterns of their paint, their haircuts... I... It never works. My... It never clicks. I get confused and think I'm wrong and that I'm talking to a stranger pretending to be them, and I get lost in crowds of strangers that I should know are really who they are and... I'm sorry! I wanted to fix things but I couldn't find you and I panicked!"

".... Gooey...? Gooey that's not... That doesn't." There's obvious worry in their eyes. Sponge isn't angry, they look scared. "When... When did this start happening?"

".... After... After that climbing exercise. During..." He gulps. "The one where I fell and got sent to medbay when we were still 4th growth cycle... I..."

"Gooey... Oh kark... Oh sith-spit that's..." Sponge looks absolutely scared, and that freaks him out a little. "Gooey that sounds like brain damage."

"W-whoa...?"

"Oh my god... You've. That sounds like... Gooey face blindness doesn't make you think everyone's a fake. You..." They're shaking and he's shaking and they're both terrified. "Gooey you need medical help immediately. You need... You need a scan. A brain scan. I... Kark..."

"Vee-Vee'ika I'm sorry..."

"Shut up! I'm... You're coming with me. I'm gonna... I'm gonna comm my superior officer. My... Ori'vod will know what to do, maybe, but that..." They're pulling him along towards the GAR headquarters. "That sounds like Capgras syndrome mixed with Prosopagnosia... I... I'm gonna kill that pretentious asshole for letting you walk around like this all on your own! Fucking Conch, does he know?!"

"I... Yeah...? He thinks it's funny when I get confused."

"I'm skinning him alive!"

Geoduck doesn't have the strength to argue. For once it's nice to actually hear someone other than him gripe about Conch's less than pleasant sense of humor. It's also nice to know that even if he messed up, maybe there's still a chance to make it up to Sponge one day.

He just hopes once they're done with him in the medbay, that they won't shut him out like they probably should. He'd done more than enough to deserve being hated.

[visumper]

Endline snippets but its Kaemory and im crying also Pretty Face by PUBLIC is literally the kaemory song ever,,, UE UE UE… also kae pov

I’m holding her hand. Oh. That’s kind of embarrassing. I can feel my face start to heat up when I realize and try to pull my hand away. It’s weird, because I can’t feel anything. My limbs— they’re all numb. When I try to move my hand, I can’t tell if it even moves or not. I try looking around, but all I see is a bunch of stupidly bright red and Em’s pretty face. Ugh. Why can’t I open them more? It feels like my eyes are only half open. Maybe they are. My vision’s blurry too, but I can still see her clearly. She’s the only clear thing I see, as if she’s the only person my eyes focus on.

She’s crying. There’s other people too, I think. I can’t hear them well since my hearing feels all muffled too. I can’t tell who they are, since they’re nothing but colored blobs. Haha. This kind of feels like I got Sporis bombed by Mari. This is a little different though. Ah… I don’t think this is just a mushroom this time.

Where’s Aza? I feel like I’m drunk and high at the same time. I hate Aza’s stupid medicines because they taste like shit like Mari’s cooking, but they work pretty damn well. I force myself to focus, because Em’s definitely crying. I should probably comfort her, right? That’s what girls like, right? In the end I end up asking about Aza. Were he and Rowan still dealing with Aid? I still need to beat Rowan at table tennis. I still need to beat Aza at darts.

It’s hard not to be jealous of those two. Haha. They’re so talented. They remind me a lot of my siblings…

“Wh…” I manage to get out. Em’s grasp on my hand gets tighter. My hand is the only thing I can feel on my body. It’s almost like my brain shut off everything else. Kinda like “hey, make sure to only focus on Em totally holding your hand! You love-drunk hot hunk!”

… why am I thinking about this, anyways? I’m not hot nor a hunk.

“Aza?” I gasp out. Why is it so hard to talk? This is bad. This reminds me of when I couldn’t speak at all. Couldn’t defend myself from being accused of that stupid fucking…

Em starts sobbing even harder. Did I do that? It’s like the cries get louder and louder, as if the other unknown blobby people are crying to. Why? What happened? Did something happen to Aza? Where is he? If the blob people are crying, then they must be from Score, too, right? Rowan maybe… Mari? Lucius? No. Lucius is missing, probably dead. Verdict got to him… Rowan or Mari, then? Are they all here? Where’s Aza?

Em is wailing still, and I don’t know why. Somehow I get my fingers to clasp onto hers a little more. I can’t tell if I’m in pain or not. Everything’s numb and I can’t feel anything, but this situation’s just way too weird. Why can I barely move? Why can’t I talk? I have so many questions. My eyes involuntary start to close even more, and I yell at them in my head because I want to look at Em longer. I want my hand to move, to cup her cheek and my mouth to comfort her. But my body won’t move at all. It’s like my legs are nonexistent, too.

And then I start to think.

Am I dying?

“Em?” I croak. My voice sounds all wrong. It’s all broken up and quiet. Lucius would’ve made fun of me for it. You know, he was a scheming slimy bastard, but I do kind of miss him. Just kind of. Only kind of.

“Lo…ve… you,” I say, without thinking at all. Because what if I really am dying? I don’t even realize I’ve just confessed to the absolute love of my life. This could just be some weird circumstance, right? A minor injury I’m being overdramatic about, right? Even still, everything about this feels wrong.

I’d rather die a hundred Verdict executions before I die before confessing to her. Any execution but the Wall, of course. Because then Em and Mari and Rowan and Aza and Lucius would die too. Also Lucius is probably dead. So maybe he doesn’t count.

When I was accused, I couldn’t speak at all. After that, I became afraid of being quiet. But then I found Mari and Score. And through Score I found Em and the others. So to hell with the accusations, to hell with the rumors. To fucking hell with the life I had before, because this is better.

I like this. I like these people.

I like you. A lot. I love you.

Her pretty eyes widen at around the same time I realize what I’ve said. I laugh like a goofy man, the laugh coming out sounding like a dying run-over hedgehog on drugs and steroids with mega bass boost.

Weird simile, Mari would probably say.

Rowan taught me that one, I’d like to reply.

And then she smiles. Her eyes are still sad and teary, but she’s smiling and her hand is so warm.

I don’t know what’s happening at all, but I really do hope I wake up again. I hope I’m not dying, because I still need to beat the twins at their respective games. I hope I’m not dying, because I mainly want to be able to hug Em and confess again and again.

I can’t see her anymore, but I can hear her.

“I love you, Kae.”

That’s enough for me.

[scarlet-streak-fanfics]

Their Eyes Are On Me

Welcome to me attempting to write Bungou Stray Dogs fanfiction, specifically some Port Mafia Chuuzai hate-flirting. Hope you all enjoy!

When Chuuya had first heard of the Port Mafia, he’d imagined them a well-oiled, brutal machine with each member the picture of deadly precision–that was part of why he’d fought against them so hard. Of course, this had held true for several of the members he’d met so far. Kouyou, the young woman that he’d been introduced to almost immediately upon joining, was certainly terrifying and professional. However, the same could not be said of the young man who had, for lack of a better word, manipulated him into joining: Osamu Dazai, the youngest Executive in Port Mafia history, and perhaps the most arrogant and insufferable person Chuuya had had the misfortune of meeting.

He’d hoped that it was just a bad first impression, but no. Dazai was simply the most awful excuse for a human being that Chuuya had had the misfortune of coming across, and that included every single person he’d interacted with throughout his turbulent childhood–if one could call losing all memories of their prior life and becoming a vessel for an ancient deity and then living on the streets in the slums of Yokohama a childhood. Even now, as the redhead slouches on a stool next to his new “partner”, Dazai exudes a slimy air of disinterest to the entire room of Port Mafia members as he knocks back his fourth glass of whiskey of the night. As he leans back against the bar, continuing to ignore Chuuya, Chuuya decides that he’s never accepting an invitation to go out with Dazai again, team building be damned. However, he does have one question. “Hey, bastard, are you even old enough to drink? I thought we were the same age, and I’m only fifteen.”

The brunet snorts, almost choking on the amber liquid in his glass before he sets the glass down on the polished wood of the bar. “Chuuya, Chuuya, Chuuya, you poor, simple boy. You think anyone is going to tell me no here?”

The condescension in his voice is yet another painful slice to Chuuya’s already stinging pride, and he resists the urge to push the other man off his stool. “That doesn’t answer my question, asshole.”

Dazai takes another sip of his drink, savoring the taste before answering, “We are the same age, yeah. Not that it really matters here.”

“Right, the youngest Executive ever.” He can’t keep the bitterness and sarcasm out of his tone. “They all worship the ground you walk on, right? So much genius, power, and charisma in one little body. How can you even stand it?”

“Aw, Charismatic? Genius? I’m flattered, tiny, but jealousy’s not a good look on you.” Dazai purrs, leaning towards Chuuya, who decides to restrain himself no longer, instead shoving the brunet off his seat and onto the floor. “I’d never be jealous of a slimeball like you, you ridiculous walking waste of bandages!”

Dazai looks stunned for a moment, but then he laughs, throwing his head back as the unnaturally loud sound draws the attention of everyone in the room. Chuuya finds himself shrinking under their gazes, withdrawing into his new coat and hat like a turtle into its shell, but Dazai just laughs harder, filling the awkward silence until everyone returns to their conversations. He hoists himself back up into his seat, the grin on his face leaning almost unhinged. The drinking does seem to be finally catching up with him, as his words slur slightly when he says, “Aw, why’s the hatrack so bashful now? Where did all that confidence go, hm?”

“I’m not bashful!” Dazai hums, entirely unconvinced, and Chuuya pushes aside the anger that boils up in him to continue. “I’m simply not used to so many eyes on me, that’s all.”

The Executive raises an eyebrow, reaching for his glass again. “Who was looking at you?”

“Everyone?” Chuuya knew the other man was stupid, but this was frankly ridiculous. “After I pushed you off the chair, idiot. Did you hit your head on the way down?”

“None of them were looking at you, pipsqueak.” Chuuya opens his mouth to argue, but Dazai puts a finger against the redhead’s lips, drawing an indignant squeak from him. “They were looking at me–it’s not every day I get knocked on my ass and just laugh about it. Still, you should get used to it. If you can’t handle eyes on you while you’re just being my arm candy, how will you keep up with their expectations as my partner?”

“Arm candy?!” That draws another inappropriately loud laugh out of Dazai, and Chuuya can feel his cheeks heating up. “I’m no one’s arm candy, you stupid piece of shit.”

“Hush, it’s a compliment. Not many people are pretty enough to be worthy of that title. Besides, I’ve always had a thing for redheads.” He hates that his face only gets redder, but not as much as he hates the sheer delight on Dazai’s face as he notices the redness of Chuuya’s cheeks and leans closer into the redhead’s space. “Aw, is Chuuya flustered?”

“No, I’m just embarrassed to be seen with your drunk ass.”

“Oh, you definitely are! How adorable. You know, you’re even prettier when you’re angry with me, Chuuuuuuuuuuya~” The alcohol on his breath as he purrs the last words into Chuuya’s ear is enough to make Chuuya gag, pushing Dazai away from him. “In your dreams, you fucking womanizer.”

“You like me!”

“Do not!” Dazai completely ignores the rising anger in his new partner, instead draping one arm heavily around his shoulder, and Chuuya curses the universe that the one person he’d happily use Upon the Tainted Sorrow on with not a single regret is the same person capable of negating his Ability. Still, this doesn’t stop him from voicing his anger. “I hate you.”

“No, you like me.” Before Chuuya can continue the argument, Dazai plays his dreaded trump card in a sing-song voice. “Be a good dog and tell me you like me~”

“I’m going to kill you.” The brunet pouts dramatically. “Don’t tease me like that, hatrack! Besides, that doesn’t sound like what I told you to do. Are you really going to break your word so easily?”

Dazai’s death will be incredibly slow and painful, Chuuya decides–the exact opposite of what he knows the Executive wants. However, a promise is a promise. He takes a deep breath, rushing out the words as quickly as possible. “I-like-you.”

“Hm? What was that?” Chuuya fantasizes about knocking that shit-eating grin off of Dazai’s face, but he knows that level of active aggression would probably get him executed. “I said I like you, you disgusting Mackeral! That’s what you asked!”

“That’s not my name.”

“You didn’t say I had to call you by your name, bastard!” 

“Well, now you do~”

“Dazai-san.” Dazai clicks his tongue, shaking his head. “So formal, Chuuya. Do you hear me calling you Nakahara-san? We’re going to be partners, after all.”

“And I’d prefer Nakahara-san!” Dazai just keeps looking at him expectantly in dead silence until Chuuya finally gives in. “Osamu.”

Dazai’s face lights up, and he ruffles the redhead’s hair, knocking off his hat in the process, much to Chuuya’s annoyance, before leaning back on his elbows against the bar. “What a good doggy! You and I are going to get along just fine, pretty boy.”

Chuuya vehemently disagrees but decides against arguing, instead getting off his stool to retrieve his hat. After all, his blood pressure can only take so much of these interactions, and he refuses to allow this arrogant piece of shit to send him to an early grave.

[navxry]

*breaks down door*

🎤🌟💞 for the selfship ask? <3

🎤: Describe your f/o's voice

Oh dear God Mei I. I'm going to hold your shoulders I am LOSING IT—

Ahem.

Genshin Harem™

Albedo's voice is that cheeky yet suave tone from the KR voice actor, and I'll die on that hill. He sounds so, so nice and sometimes I just sit here and mutter "fuck me" when he tells me that I'm distracted with that smug ass smile of his (I hate it because it's true and it's cause of his damn voice >:( smh)

Kazuha's... Man, I keep hearing him humming and. And the voice. Oh dear God. It is so, so soft— soft but at the same time it's hard to not... Lose focus on him. It's extremely hard to explain, but much like Albedo, I sometimes get so distracted listening to him. HOWEVER, the smartass ends up kissing me on the forehead to bring me back and it. It works. I'm down HORRENDOUS for him and it shows. (JP VA)

Heizou's is that cheeky ass of a voice which honestly sounds like he's ALWAYS teasing. Sometimes I just. Hold my head. And question why I love him... And then he pulls the most ROMANTIC of all things and I just fall for him all over again. I swear he has me wrapped around on his finger and he KNOWS it. (His is the ENG VA because it fits him so well and I'm convinced it does, esp when he says that dreamy line like HELLO?)

Venti is... Tough. Sometimes I hear him speak like a cheeky bard, always spelling trouble for me, but sometimes he's that wise Anemo archon we all know and respect. With me, it sounds like the wind always whispering by my ear, and it helps a lot when I feel like I'm lost and unable to focus. I don't know how he does it, though, but... It's nice. Oh, and his singing is really good— 10/10 would listen to it when he sings at night and it's a lullaby. (JP VA)

Kunimitsu, the Wanderer that I know, has a surprisingly nice voice. He may be a little shit sometimes, and I wonder HOW I tolerate him, but when he starts speaking in such a tone that is outright taunting me... Yeah, he makes me annoyed. I will say, though; I'm confused with where we are standing considering he doesn't exist.

Pantalone... I mean, blame Ansy for me questioning if I actually like him, but he gives me baritone voice vibes. Although, when I push him too far... His voice reaches to that point where it sounds so haunting but it's alluring in a way? And I end up going ". Oh. Oh we're doing this now." (although that's before I bolted from him cause fuck you sir I'm not staying around BAHAHAHAHAHA)

Alhaitham is a straight baritone. No questions asked. He sounds like a college professor, and I'm not sure why, but it makes sense. Also, he makes a good storyteller and he makes me fall asleep when he speaks every time. (JP/ENG VA)

Twisted Wonderland Bois™

Riddle's voice... Oh dear God his voice. His voice has me in SUCH a chokehold. There is something about the little man that Kunimitsu lacked and Albedo and Heizou shared with him, and it's the smugness I get from him. Although he and I didn't get on the right foot when we first met, he still has me in his hands because his voice is the right mix of smug bastard energy and sweetness— it reminds me of those tarts he enjoyed eating so much. He also said something to me about drinking tea and how certain teas are bitter, which reflects him very well. Just don't tell him I said that, though.

Azul's voice is the same as Heizou's but more suave and I will die on that hill. When he's singing? I am deceased. Ceased to exist, actually. But all jokes aside, he sounds so much like a slimy asshole but when he SINGS? It is a whole another level. I sometimes ask him why he doesn't do it and he just shoots it back at me, and I want to rattle the tako for it. Asshole.

Lilia... Yeah, his is really surprising for his appearance. He looks young physically, but I swear to the Gods above, his voice catches me off guard EVERY TIME. He always greets me by giving me heart attacks, but sometimes, I find myself enjoying him speak a lot about his past. He has the perfect voice to narrate a tale, but he usually reserves it with me, and it sometimes reminds me of Albedo. It's weird, but eh— my lovers are all similar in their tastes.

IdentityV Gang™

Azrael is... Strange. Sometimes when I hear him speak, he has this voice that echoes. It's hard to put it to words when I swear he speaks like he's in a cave. But sometimes, the angel loves trolling me and gives me a scare by sounding so real. I guess it's more of the fact he knows what makes me tick and what gives me a scare, but I still love him. Begrudgingly (/j)

Man In Red (Crimson) has a baritone voice. It sounds really nice to listen to, but he often speaks to me for various reasons— one being to join his cult because he saw me as a good follower, and another because he saw me as his darling song bird. It's... Quite interesting.

Guillotine Twins (Xie and Fan) are SO cheeky. They sound the same but Xie has the smoother tone/voice when he speaks, and sometimes he hums songs to me when I'm tired or nonverbal. Fan has the "growl" in his voice, but sometimes it sounds like he's doing it on purpose to have me flustered. (Spoilers: it works every damn time)

🌟: Who's the tease in the relationship?

The menace:

Venti, Albedo, Heizou, Pantalone (GI)

Azul, Lilia (TWST)

Guillotine! Fan, Crimson (IDV)

The target:

Kazuha, Venti (sometimes) (GI)

Riddle (TWST)

Guillotine! Xie (when he's feeling cheeky), Azrael

Both:

Alhaitham, Albedo (most of the time), Heizou (mostly the former), Kunimitsu (GI)

Lilia (TWST)

Guillotine Xie and Fan, Azrael (less on the menace side 💞), Crimson (the biggest menace of society) (IDV)

💞: How do you both express affection?

Quality Time:

Riddle, Lilia (TWST)

Kazuha, Venti, Albedo, Alhaitham (GI)

Azrael (IDV)

Words of Affirmation:

Azul (TWST)

Pantalone, Kazuha (GI)

Guillotine! Xie, Crimson (IDV)

Acts of Service:

Lilia, Azul, Riddle (TWST)

Albedo, Heizou, Kunimitsu (GI)

Guillotine Twins, Azrael (IDV)

Physical touch:

Azul, Lilia (TWST)

Heizou, Kunimitsu, Pantalone (surprisingly), Alhaitham (when he's needy), Venti (GI)

Crimson, Guillotine! Fan (IDV)

Gift giving:

Azul, Riddle (TWST)

Pantalone, Kunimitsu (rarely), Alhaitham, Albedo, Venti (GI)

Guillotine! Twins, Crimson (IDV)

[lordrandreaming]

Oh how he loathes him. That smug fucking bastard.. Who does he think he is? Mild mannered Creighton's ass.

"Your a silly little bastard, aren't you?"

Pate coo'd in that sweet and sultry voice of his. Smooth as chocolate, warm as the summer wind. Fucker.

Creighton grits his teeth as Pate lifts his chin up with his own axe. Those dark barrels of rootbeer which reflect none but the very darkness they hold, they gaze upon Creighton like a hungry beast. A tad sunken, whether from being undead or lack of sleep, Creighton will only hate those brown iris'.

Pate was more than what he let's on.. Bastard was strong for how he looked, Creighton will give the bugger that.. And the murderer knew Pate for the conniving, slippery little rat he was, a dirty fuckin thief, petty as he was lazy.. On 'a treasure hunt' pssh! Hogwash.

"I didn't think you were so stupid as to fall for this measly trap i set up.. And here you are. Caught in the spider's web."

Pate hums, the usual disinterested look upon that smug, handsome face is over taken by a playful light in his eyes, and something playfully sick twisted in with his grin. Creighton glares at him with sharp icey blues.

"Shut tha fuck up if ye kno what's good for ye.."

Creighton snarls. His hands angrily form fists, chainmail digs into chainmail in a mild fit of rage, as Pate completely subdued him.

You see, Creighton ended strung up in a tree like a fresh hunt to dry, by his ankles. His axe became confiscated and Pate came laughing unto the scene.

Surpised that Creighton ended up in such a trap, he was amazed the murder didn't catch such an.. Obvious set up.

Pate bound his hands with chains, it was uncomfortable at best. Scuffing his wrists, while being humiliated by this fucker. And then he was cut down, like strung up jerky.

Pate chuckles at him.

"Im afraid you don't know what's good for me, my dear.. Intimidation doesn't work when your the one who's captured."

Pate smartly repeats, knowing Creighton can't do shit to him.

"You ain't captured shit! When i get my fuckin hands on you.. Cheeky prick.."

Venom practically dripped from each word the Mirrah man replied with.

"Ooh~ Im practically shaking."

Pate dully replies with a smile. He let's the murderers own axe caress the tight linked chainmail on his neck, creating a horrid little sound. Creighton sneers at the sound.

"Agh-.. Would you fuckin quit that!"

Pate's grin turns up more.

"Don't like it? What will you do to have me stop?"

Creighton cringes as Pate makes the same awful noise again. Metal on metal, cold screeching steel. And just that little zap of electricity- from the axe meant to slay dragons, turned into a murderer of men.

"Gah-!! Please!"

Gods, it felt so wrong for Creighton, the wandering killer from Mirrah, to beg this lowlife scum..

"Mmh, Good boy.. Beg for it~"

Pate hums gleefully, ceasing the grinding of metal. Creighton snarls at him from under his metal mask.

"I fuckin 'ate you... When i get my axe back you'll be a sorry fucker.."

"Hmhm.. Oh will i? Hm.. Your not very good at being a hostage. Your not even squirming.. Completely helpless and you dare not even attempt to try and help yourself."

Creighton was about to spit back at Pate, but he was suddenly kicked over, or, nudged by Pate's leg. The murderer lands face first into the dirt, sending his mask flying. It clatters against the ground, before laying lifeless.

Creighton, now laying front down against the ground, feels Pate's hand come down to the back of his neck, effectively pinning him. His icey blue eyes widen and he lets out a noise.

"You know how this will end, Creighton.. Don't you? This silly little game of cat and mouse.. But im not the mouse."

Pate coos. Creighton snarls back.

"Yer no fuckin' cat.. Yer a slimy damn rat.. I'll kill ya- I'll kill ya so fast ye won't even kna what 'it ya.."

Pate laughs at him, and hums smugly, his fingers curling around from the back of Creighton's neck. He gasps as he can feel the hard leather gloves of Pate's nimble fingers pressing into the sides of his throat.

"I know you, you chase me like a desperate hound in heat.. You don't want your ring anymore, do you?"

"AN WHA IF I DON'T?!"

Pate's eyes go wide at suddenly Creighton yelling at him. 'Oh my fucking lord...' Is all he can think. He was right? Damn. Not a first, but he was just messing with Creighton.

Sure they had some past, in Mirrah. Pate was traveling through, a young man, just as devilishly handsome as he is now. He's part of how Creighton escaped his sentence.. The murderer didn't just break out on his own.

Of course, two men alone on a rigorous journey to nowhere, there has to be some form of entertainment. Exploring the other's body, in a heated moment of longing that neither knew they harboured. It didn't go too far- usually one shoved the other off of him before anything could progress.

Pate laughs.

"You can't possibly be serious, can you? You really don't want your ring back?"

"...."

Creighton really just fucked himself over, didn't he?

"When you untie me.. I'll fuckin kill you.."

Pate can't help but laugh again.

"Ahaha~ Ah, ah, ah~ You didn't answer the question my dear. I know you wish to see me dead, but goodness, have you fallen for me or something? Have you hit your head recently?"

"Have you hit your head recently, ye twit?"

[luxshine]

As I try hard not to let the RRR rot invade my brain, let's go back to Stranger Things for a bit so that rot also invades my brain (yes, there are new ideas for fic there too. My muses hate me)

El should watch Invasion of the Body snatchers. Then she'd knew what is wrong. And I see that Max is a DC fan, and she loves the right character, because Wonder Woman is AMAZING!!!

I see that Nancy and Jonathan did the right thing and called 911. Not that 911 can do anything for Miss Driscoll as I am sure she's going to explode like her rats.

Oh, and I see that the Mind Flayer now looks like a mixture of the Thing and the Blob and the previously mentioned Body Snatchers. Cool. Now if the guys could get together to actually fight it, I want to see Steve cleave the thing (or Billy) with his bat.

His bat needs a name, by the way. Just like Lucille.

Damn. The contusion brought back idiot Hooper. Damn it.

I love Max and Max's room.

Steve has such a confidence in himself. I love him. And Dustin is right there to put him right back in where he should be. Robin is amazing too.

I still want Nancy to go postal at her job. Really, it would be the right way to quit.

GOOD! The kids can stop thinking with his hormones enough to care about the end of the world. Love them.

CARY ELWES AGAIN!!! It's always great to see him, even if he is being a horrible bastard, worst than Prince Humperdink. He does slimy majors very well. And Hooper looks amazing in the Miami Vice attire, even if he doesn't know it. Sheriff vs. Major mud fight! I love it.

OOh... I can see Hooper knows how to go Postal. He should give Nancy some lessons. Gotta wonder if he is fired. Because if he is? Oh, boy, that's some way to quit.

Jonathan and Nancy are a terrible, terrible couple. And Jonathan is just giving her the truth. Yes, the men were horrible and mysoginistic and yes, Jonathan knows more about poverty than that, but yeah, they were INTERNS. And if they break up? Good. Just stay away from Steve.

Meanwhile, the super spy group manages to find the way into the secret russian base without getting fired. Even if they can't fit Dustin there.

Lucas knows that his brother in law doesn't wear shirts. Poor him.

Will is in hell. But hey, Mike had a GOOD idea. That's good.

Lucas's sister is an annoying little brat. VERY Annoying little brat. But she's a good addition to the special anti-Russian Squad. Even if she is a brat. But she's a good negotiator for a brat!

Ah, Cary Elwes. I love him so much. Even if he's so evil. And once again, Joyce is the brains of the Adult Squad. In every squad, the brains is the girls. Teenage Squad used to have no brains, but now we have Robin so she has the brains and the guts.

Nancy has guts, yeah, but she's so lacking in the braincell department that I worry about all the Wheelers.

Holy shit! Mrs. Wheeler had a great moment of motherhood and adult advice. I would be checking for pods in the Wheelers' basement if it wasn't because I know the Mind Flayer is not into parenting advice.

Seeing the kids work again together. I am sorry that Will can't get his apology now, because he is right, he has more important things to worry about, but I am glad that El didn't go all angry at Hooper.

Erica is a brat. But I love her. Even if she's going to forget her unicorn bag and give away the squad. That is telegraphed for anyone who ever has seen a heist movie.

Poor Max. She loves Billy, god knows why, and this is hard for her.

Ok.Nancy has guts. No braincells, but guts. If she was in the DnD party, she could be our barbarian.

Steve and Dustin are brothers. I love it.

I swear, if Steve happens to have brought his bat that I Will name one day, I will love him even more.

I am trying hard not to feel bad for Billy. But the actor is making it hard. Damn it Stranger Things, for giving bullies redemption arcs. I don't want to feel bad for him. But he's making it hard.

El has gotten a lot more powerful. Someone get that girl to read X-men.

See kids, this is why you don't enable a red code plan without Steve and his trusty bat. Mike tried his best, but he is NO Steve and his trusty bat.

No, seriously, El needs to learn about Jean Grey.

Did they kill Billy? Oh, no. He's still up. So we need something harder than a brick wall.

Oh. We're going to need a bigger sauna to get all those people better.

Ok, Stranger things 3, you got my attention.

[pan-fangirl-345]

Fighting My Own Battles, and Mineta

Summary: As much as being Bakugou's girlfriend is hard sometimes, dealing with a grape rat is worse.

Or: Mineta makes the mistake of groping you in front of the class.

TW: Sexual harassment, Mineta, unwanted/nonconsensual groping, violence against the grape rat, but it's deserved. Oh, and swearing.

A/N: I've been seeing a lot of headcanons and scenarios of the boys protecting you, but I haven't seen many of the reader protecting themselves, so I wrote one!

Dating Bakugou Katsuki was not been easy. He had enough emotional constipation for thirteen people, and had a hard time expressing emotions that weren't anger, pride, annoyance, or boastful confidence. Sometimes he managed indifference well, but most of the time he ignored people that he didn't think were worthy of his attention.

At this point, you had no idea how you had managed to climb to the rank of his girlfriend. He barely considered the Bakusquad acquaintances and they were the closest people to him other than Midoriya.

It had taken a while, but you had slowly managed to decode the things he did for you, the way he talked to you.

Dating Bakugou was not easy.

But with Bakugou you were in a mutually fulfilling relationship. Whenever you had a bad day, Bakugou always managed to find a way to make it a little better, if not turn it around completely and you did the same thing for him.

You got nothing out of dealing with Mineta. He only made your bad days worse, and you were one sexual comment or action away from breaking his neck.

Today had been your breaking point.

"Katsuki, seriously, I can handle myself," you told the blond, letting him settle his chin on the top of your head as you listened to his heartbeat.

His arms were around your waist, and yours were around his in a corner of the training grounds.

You had been paired up with Mineta for one-on-one battles for the first twenty minutes of class and neither you nor Katsuki were happy about it.

Katsuki was doing what he did best, complaining about things he didn't approve of.

"I know you can, babe, but that doesn't mean that he's gonna keep his hands to himself."

"I'll handle it if he doesn't," you promised, running your hands across Katsuki's back softly. "Katsuki, I'm gonna be fine."

Katsuki nodded into your hair, pressing a couple quick kisses there before he had to move away from you.

"Katsuki," you called.

He turned, eyes darting over your face.

"I got this," you told him.

"I know you do babe, otherwise you wouldn't be my girl."

You smiled at him and he grinned back.

Your grin faded when Mineta appeared beside you, giving you a look that made you want to peel his face off.

"I can't wait to see what kind of positions I can get you into," he cooed, and you gagged, turning your head away.

"Let's get this over with Mineta," you said, heading for the area that Cementoss had set up for the students.

Things were okay for the first ten minutes or so, but you could tell that Mineta was paying more attention to your body than he was to the fights.

"Mineta, my eyes are up here you slimy bastard," you said, trying to draw his eyes away from your chest.

"Mineta, since you don't seem to be paying much attention to your fight, how about you and (Y/L/N) let the rest of the class watch your fight to get you more in the mindset of battle," Aizawa suggested.

The other fights halted when the teacher spoke up, and you could hear Katsuki's growl from across the room.

Mineta, not one to argue with Aizawa, paled, but nodded.

You headed for your own end of the training pad, getting into position.

Mineta was practically trembling on his end, but you could hear your classmates cheering for you, your boyfriend's voice noticeably absent.

He knew that you didn't need him cheering for you to you to know that he was on your side.

When the battle started, it didn't take long for you to have Mineta pinned, writhing underneath you, trying to escape.

But he managed to get one of his hands free and he groped at your chest, making you snarl.

You stood, picking Mineta up by the front of his suit and his throat, leaning closely to his ear as you walked him back against a wall.

"If you ever touch me, or another girl like that ever again, I will make what happened at Mt. Lady's look like heaven on earth, do you understand me Mineta?" you asked slowly, tightening your grip on his throat. "And then, when I'm done with you, I'll hand you over to Katsuki and the others."

Mineta was practically hyperventilating as he caught sight of you boyfriend, Mineta's face turning almost as purple as his hair.

Kirishima, Sero, Todoroki, and Midoriya were all trying to hold Katsuki back from getting to you and Mineta. Despite the others trying to restrain him, he was making good progress.

Your boyfriend might've had a bad temper, but you had never seen him this pissed off.

For a moment, you were actually concerned that he was going to kill the grape rat, not that you had any issues with that. It would look bad on his record though, and he would probably get thrown out of U.A. if he did that, so your next objective was to calm him down.

You pushed, hard, one more time on Mineta's throat before you dropped him, letting him cough and suck in breath on the floor.

You walked over to Katsuki, who had his eyes glued to Mineta.

"Let him go," you told the boys, who took one glance at you and let Katsuki go.

Katsuki's palms started to crackle but you wrapped your arms around his neck.

"Katsuki," you murmured, "Katsuki, let the others deal with him."

"I am not letting him get away with touching you like that," Katsuki snarled, so lowly that the others all took three big steps away from him.

"I know, but I handled it, the others are just cleaning the mess up," you replied. "Can . . . can you just hold me?"

You could feel the perv's hands on you still, and you hated that feeling.

Katsuki heard the tone of your voice, he heard the undertones too, and he wrapped his arms around you, picking you up bridal style before he sat on the floor, cradling you in his lap.

Aizawa looked at you and Katsuki before turning towards the rest of the class, who was gathered around Mineta.

"I love you," Katsuki murmured into your hair. "I love you."

"I know," you replied, "I know."

"I should be murdering him right now," he muttered.

"You can have him when the others have had their fun with him," you told him.

"I will never do that you," Katsuki promised.

"I know you won't," you replied, "because you're a hero. My hero."

"No, you're your own hero, but I'm a close second," he said, tightening his grip on you.

"'Course you are baby," you murmured, laying your head on Katsuki's chest so that you could hear his heartbeat.

To say that Mineta had to be sent to Recovery Girl was an understatement. But when he hobbled back to class, nothing was healed.

Apparently she didn't appreciate him harassing the girls either.

Aizawa sent him back to his dorm room, and told him that he would have to catch up when he was well enough to come back to classes.

He had already apologized to you and the other girls and said that Mineta was finishing out the year and then he was being replaced by Shinso.

"Anyone is better than that perv," you said later that night. "And when I talked him, he seemed like a nice guy. He'll definitely be a better hero than Mineta."

The girls all agreed with you.

"I'll be glad that he's gone so we stop having to tape him up all the time," Sero added from across the room where he was studying with Kaminari.

Everyone was in agreement on that fact, there was no doubt about it.

"I'm going to bed," Katsuki grumbled, walking over to kiss you on the cheek before he trudged up to his room.

"Sweet dreams baby!" you called, and he grunted back, making you smile softly.

"I know that Bakugou gets mad a lot, but I've never seen him as furious as he was today," Momo said, making the others nod.

"Yeah, I seriously thought that we were going to have to get him a muzzle again," Uraraka added.

"It took four of the boys to slow him down, but you managed to calm him down with just a few words, you really were made for him weren't you (Y/L/N)-chan, ribbit?" Tsuyu asked and you laughed.

"Katsuki knows that I can handle myself, but he also knows when I just need him to be there for me. There are some battles where I let him take over, but today I just needed him to be there with me, and he knew that. Trust me, I know when to pick my battles, even I can't calm him down all the time, but there are a few instances where I can get him to calm down more than the others can just because I know him better than some of the others."

"He's a good boyfriend then?" Momo asked, always one for romantic gossip.

"He is to me," you admitted. "But I also don't know how I managed that."

The girls laughed, and you couldn't help but join in with them.

This was what washed away the feeling of Mineta's hands, this was what helped remind you that not everyone was like that.

Katsuki helped too, just like he always did, but sometimes it was nice to have other women to relate to as well.

The boys did what they could to keep the grape rat under control, and the girls watched out for each other. Your boyfriend watched out for you, and you for him. It was like one big family, and you had a feeling that Shinso was going to be a wonderful addition to the Class 1-A family.

[raven-at-the-writing-desk]

I never tire of your brain rots and thirsting please expand on that dorm leader Jade and Rook thing going on

... ANoNs eNABLiNG ME aND MY RoT 😳

OKAY I’M KIND OF TOO TIRED and busy with Twisted Tarot TO WRITE A LONG ASS FIC OF DORM LEADER JADE AU NOW BUT I GOT THIS REALLY STRONG CONCEPT iN MIND AND I’LL WORD VOMIT MY ROT OUT AnYWAY 😭

I hope I get more free time so I can actually write this out as a proper fic though........................... There’s just so many fun and sadistic things you could do with the concept of dorm leader Jade OTL <— this, by the way, is the position I assume when J word needs a convenient footstool

[Referencing this post!]

Imagine like... Jade is brewing some kind of underhanded scheme to steal the seat of dorm leader from Azul (because just challenging him to a fight for the seat would be boring) 😳 and you just so happen to catch Jade being suspicious as hell... Like you’re walking by his room and you hear humming/singing, so out of curiosity, you peek in and OTL IT’S THE VANESSA/HUMAN URSULA SCENE IN THE LITTLE MERMAID so I guess that would make you/us Scuttle

Jade is casually dressing for the day, but it’s like??? He somehow swiped a set of Octavinelle dorm leader clothes in his size (plus the magical staff/cane thing) and he’s trying it on in front of a vanity, all while singing/gloating... “Oh, what a lovely dorm leader I’ll make. My dear, I’ll look divine. Things are working out according to my ultimate design—”

“Soon, I’ll have that little merman and Octavinelle will be mine 🎵” as he bcksvajscshsjskebiwdbs steps onto the vanity, crushing some bottles of eel slime-based skincare under his foot... znshsvaieveienkdebkwdbkenwwm AnD HE jUST LAUghS A STUpid SEXY hOT LAUGH AS HE GAZes iNTO his reFLDctiON IN THD miRRObR???????

But UH-OH, you fucked up hard and accidentally make eye contact with J word through the mirror, and he’s instantly on you. Try as you might to scramble away, you just end up losing balance and ending up on your butt or on your back as Jade leers down with a scary smile, drowning you in the eclipse that is his shadow. djsbsjsvsusbwkeks USinG ThE DORM LEadER STAFF CAnE THING TO FORCE YOU tO MAkE EYE CONTACT WITH HIm........... LIKE GUIDinG YOUR CHiN UP WITH THE END OF Yhe cAnE............................

“Now what have we here? An uninvited guest? A Peeping Tom? Tsk, tsk. How naughty of you,” he tuts, feigning ignorance (he clearly caught you red-handed). “Fufufu. I cannot have you running amok and spilling my secrets to the entire school. I’m afraid that you, my dear, will have to be permanently silenced. Yes, I do believe a good night’s sleep with the fish will do you some good.”

ALSO ALSO ALSO 😳 Think of how hot the dynamic of the “servant” becoming the “master” is... Jade’s no longer the one being bossed around, he IS the one bossing people around......................... AnD HE’S A RAT BAstARD, yOU JUST KNOW hE’LL ABUSE THSt poWER FoR his oWN SiCK AMUSEMENT, An D YOU Won’Y Fven ReALiZE WHRN HE HAS bECAUSE He’S TOO SmArT OTL

As vice dorm leader, Jade never really had problems “getting back” at Azul in minor ways like teasing him or purposefully not helping when he is meant to, but with the powers invested in the title of dorm leader, Jade can really get the green light to be more of an asshole out in the open 😂 HE SPILLS A DRINK OR DROPS A PLATE RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOU AND TELLS YOU TO CLEAN IT UP AS IF HE DIDN’T JUST MAKE THAT MESS HIMSELF A SECOND AGO??? AND THEN HE WATCHES YOU CLEAN IT UP WITH A PLEASANT SMILE AnD YOU KNOW HE’A RELiSHING IN PETTY SHIT LIKE THIS BUT YOU CAN’T HUST DECK HIM IN THE FACE BECAUSE HE’S DOrM LEADER

“Beg on your hands and knees,” he tells you with a smirk, “and I might consider granting you a moment of respite.”

YOU JUST END UP BEING HIS TOY OR PLAYTHING TO ORDER AROUND AnD IT’s JUST. HNNNncFfHHHHHHHHHH GOD I HATE J WORD SO MUCH whY iS HE LIJW THIS I HATE HI S Dtupid hOT FACE AnD HIS SrUPux iF Jo nT sLImiNESS NaD HIS fuCKING Vo I CE An D hOW my SNaiTY gOES doWN Ghe TOuLEt Whe N HE

*beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep*

[Please stand by; we are currently experiencing technical difficulties. We’ll be right back after a brief commercial break!]

Anyway! As for dorm leader Jade and dorm leader Rook dynamics 😊 xhakbsjsjshiavdkekw As I said in my original post (referenced at the start of this one), I think it’d be extremely passive aggressive. They can definitely be cordial and cooperative if they want to be, but when they disagree, it gets BAD. Lots of back-handed compliments from both sides in an effort to provoke the other, to try and make the other absolutely LOSE THEIR SHIT (think of how Rook tried to get Malleus angry enough to lash out by calling him a “monster”; similar to that).

They’re both smiley characters on the surface, but they’ve also both got their own hidden agendas, which would make every encounter dangerous in the same way that a poison might be. Silent and not very flashy, but very much able to deal damage, maybe even kill. WhAT I’ M SAyInG IS I WAnT TJEM TO TEAR EACH o. THER INTO PIEcES, THAT WOULD BE HOT 😤

[daily-escuella]

God You're Disgusting - Micah Bell - NSFW Short

Micah x f!Reader

In honor of @kitty-the-outlaw's Micah Fucks Monday I have something VERY different for you o.o

I've never written smut before so I chose a character/scenario that was not very tender so I wouldn't get too shy writing it but I'm so extremely nervous to post it haha Inspired by Micah when he says "I'm always likely to despise them more afterwards."

((Thank you @ttuesday for your help proof reading this! <3))

Word count: 1970

Second warning this is !!!NSFW!!! please only read if you're comfortable with that and 18+

Kinks/warnings: Degradation, disrespect, little bit of dom/sub, orgasm denial, dirty talk/name calling

You stood in the dark at the usual place, resting casually against a large tree. Nothing but the half moon and the cherry of your cigarette to light the night air in front of you. Your heart skipped when you heard approaching footsteps and the rustling of a large leafed plant being pushed aside, but you kept your face neutral, gaze distant.

A low chuckle sounded to your right as the man you’d been waiting for arrived at your meeting place.

“I knew I’d find you here again,” he groaned softly, a slight mocking tone to his voice. You hadn’t missed a meeting since the first time you’d made this mistake with him. You couldn’t help but scrunch your nose at his comment.

“Shut up.”

“Gladly.” He replied as he snatched the cigarette from your hand and took a long drag on it. You glared at him, looking over at the man for the first time. He hadn’t even washed his hair, it looked stringy from grease and sweat, even in the night. You let out a sound of disgust as he blew the smoke out towards you, flicking the mostly finished butt to the ground.

You both hated each other. You hated each other just a little more after your secret meetings in the woods. He was a disrespectful, slimy rat.

He knew it too.

But you were the woman who kept coming back for more.

Micah closed the gap between you, roughly taking your waist and pulling you against him. Even through the material of your skirt you could feel he was hard. You felt a throb in your center as you couldn’t help but grind against him slightly. He leaned in to smell your hair, sighing in a way that made your skin crawl.

“Kiss me.” You demanded. He obliged willingly, holding you firmly around the waist with one arm, taking your face in his free hand and meeting your lips. His mustache itched your face, you never liked the feeling. He pushed the kiss deeper, the taste of the cigarette not masking his usual flavour. You groaned against him as he swiped his tongue hungrily over yours. “God, you’re disgusting,” you breathed when he finally pulled himself away. He laughed in response before moving to kiss your neck. That damn mustache. You pulled his head roughly against you and he found a spot to bite down on. You couldn’t help but gasp.

“You’re so dirty…” he groaned as he cupped your ass, pushing your shoulders back against the tree you’d previously leaned on. “My dirty whore,” he groaned between rough kisses down to the nape of your neck.

“Fuck you,” you replied, the sneer audible in your voice despite your breath getting heavier at his touch.

“Mmm hmm hmm,” he chuckled against your skin, “maybe you’re right, you’re not a whore,” he planted more kisses along your neck until he was standing upright again to look in your eyes, “you won’t let me pay you.”

You slapped him.

His eyes were wide as he registered what you’d done before a lusty smile took over his face. “Bad girl,” he chastised before grabbing your throat, pushing you back and kissing you deeply once more. You couldn’t have fought him off if you wanted to, he was surprisingly strong. Instead you grabbed the back of his head again and pulled him in hard kissing him back just as deeply, drool escaping the corner of where your mouths connected. You bit his lower lip as he tried to pull away and he growled in reply, moving down to your neck again to plant more rough kisses and bites. Keeping one hand on your ass, he reached up to cup a breast, groaning at its softness in his hand. You knew he hardly deserved to enjoy your body like this, but feeling degraded by him ignited a feeling in you like nothing else had.

“Fuck me already you snake,” You hissed as he left another mark on your collarbone.

“With pleasure,” he laughed, turning you around and pressing your chest against the tree. He unceremoniously flipped your skirt up and you moaned in twisted lust at his disrespect. Normally he’d enter you immediately, but this time he took a moment to admire your body in the moonlight. He let out a soft groan as he peeled back your undergarments, exposing your sweet sex to the night air. For the first time ever he lowered to his knees and swiped his tongue along the slit. You gasped at the unfamiliar sensation.

“What the hell are you doing back there?” You questioned apprehensively, though you tried to sound pissed off.

“Ain’t I allowed to admire how wet I make you?” he replied lewdly, taking another pass with his tongue at you. You shivered at the feeling, all at once turned on more and disgusted with yourself for loving it. He paused his work briefly as you heard the sound of his trousers opening. You expected him to stand and enter you finally but instead he pressed his mouth back to your center, kissing it hungrily as you heard what sounded like him touching himself. A wave of pleasure coursed through you at the sounds of him moaning against you, enjoying your body for the first time as more than just a hole to dump his seed.

Your body tensed as the pressure of your high built, your breath quickened and your hips pushed back against him involuntarily as he worked relentlessly with his mouth. Suddenly as your pleasure nearly peeked he pulled away from you. The cold air hit immediately and you moaned remorsefully at the absence of his touch. “No…” you groaned helplessly.

“What’s gotten into you?” He asked mockingly, swiping a finger along your slit, chuckling at your hips bucking reflexively.

“I could ask you the s-” you gasped at his touch again before continuing, “-same. Take me already you bastard.”

Instead of doing what you’d asked, he slipped two of his fingers inside you and pressed his mouth to your clit, licking and sucking it mercilessly. You stopped yourself from crying out by chomping down on the back of your hand though that did nothing to stop the torrent of needy moans he drew from you. It took only moments for your high to build back up, your hips bucked against his hand as the pressure grew again. You could feel yourself involuntarily gripping his fingers with your internal muscles when he withdrew them, once more pulling away from you with a dark chuckle at your cry of distress.

“What the fuck?” you cried incredulously. He laughed in reply which made your chest burn with anger. “Why won’t you just fuck me already? I have things to do!” You lied, frustrated, but he knew there was nothing left at camp to finish.

“I love watchin’ you squirm for me,” He breathed, swiping his fingers along your wet slit before pressing them into you once again, chuckling triumphantly when you groaned needily.

He’d found a new way to torment you and he was loving it. You knew you could walk away, finish yourself off alone, end the suffering you felt deep in your core, but you craved him. You knew it wouldn’t be the same without him buried to the hilt inside you. Finally you were reduced to degrading yourself further by begging for him. “Please Micah…” you gasped softly as he stroked that perfect place inside you, pulling another involuntary sound out of you. You could hear the smile on his face as he groaned hornily in reply.

“What did you say?” He asked innocently, suddenly stroking that sensitive place harder in a circular motion.

Your eyes flew open at the intense pressure from his fingers, your mouth hung open uselessly, breath caught in your throat as you endured the pleasure. When he finally relented you felt yourself throbbing around his fingers, you ached for more. Needing a second to catch your breath, you whispered, “Please Micah, please fuck me.”

He sighed in a satisfied way as he withdrew his fingers and stood. He put his hand, shiny with your wetness, in front of your face. “Be a doll and clean me off.” He demanded, looking down at you with a devilish glint in his eye. You hesitated for a second, looking between him and his hand before obeying, taking his fingers into your mouth. You were slightly relieved it tasted good, though he didn’t deserve it. Chuckling darkly as you complied with his lewd request, he pressed the tip of his cock gently against your opening. You couldn’t help but be immensely turned on by it all. He was such a filthy, horrible man. He groaned as he took his hand back and rested it on the side of your ass, admiring the view. Even in the dim light of the moon he could see it all clearly. He rocked the tip slowly against your opening, pulling just far enough away when you tried to push back on him.

“Ah ah ah,” he chastised. “Now, what were you sayin’ earlier?”

You scoffed. Gritting your teeth, you mumbled, “Please.”

He withdrew his cock entirely from you, the absence of its warmth leaving you feeling gutted. “Nicer than that.”

You whimpered before relenting softer, “Please, Micah... please…”

“Good girl,” he cooed before thrusting himself to the hilt inside you. You cried out as he groaned deeply. He stayed mostly still, only gently grinding himself deeper as he mercifully gave you a chance to adjust. As slicked as you were, he was thick. Though you’d never admit it to him, the way he stretched you out felt very good. After a pause he began to move, pulling almost entirely out and slamming back in a few times before finding a generous pace that worked well for both of you. You felt yourself throb around him as you listened to his involuntary moans. He was loving the way you squeezed his every inch. “Reach your hand back and pleasure yourself.” He demanded through groans. You obliged, moving the fabric of your skirt aside and rubbing your sensitive nub as he continued to thrust relentlessly. The angle you were at from reaching back made it so he was striking the perfect place inside of you.

It didn’t take more than a minute to feel yourself getting desperately close to your high again. As the pressure built to the brink of no return he finally let it come over you, pressing his hips firmly against yours, achieving his own release simultaneously. He gasped and panted as you felt him throbbing inside you, unloading everything he had as deeply as he could. Your muscles tensed as you choked out a sob of pleasure, gripping tightly around him, milking him for all he was worth.

As you both came down from your highs he slumped his body over yours briefly, reaching a tired hand up to your arm to caress you gently. You let it happen for a minute before saying with false impatience, “alright get off of me already.”

He chuckled softly as he regained his posture, pushing into you once more with his slowly softening member, drawing a final gasp from your lips before pulling away, leaving you a dripping mess as his fluid leaked lazily out. You’d clean yourself up later, for now you just pulled your bloomers up and fixed your skirt back in place as Micah tucked himself away again and fastened his trousers.

You pulled out a new cigarette and lit it to get the taste of him out of your mouth. He sniffed satisfied and looked back saying with a laugh, “Same time next week?”

“Fuck you.” you replied, flicking the burnt match to the ground with a smirk.

[fruitcoops]

LOOPS RAILING CAP IN THE SHOWER - cause we all know he deserves it after a game

Not exactly after a game, but still some fun and frisky locker room shower times. Coops (and James) credit goes to @lumosinlove!

TW for smut, being sort-of walked in on (only after everything is said and done), cramping muscles

“Hurry up,” Sirius hissed as he teetered on one foot and accidentally dipped the toe of his sock into the water pooling beneath him.

“I’m trying!” Remus whispered back, still elbows-deep in his duffel bag. His face lit up and he rocked back on his heels with a small container.

“Absolutely not,” Sirius said immediately.

“It’s all I have!”

“Mon dieu,” he muttered, yanking his other sock off and kneeling by his own bag. “There is no universe in which that bullshit is going up my ass.”

“It’s Vaseline, baby, not battery acid.”

Sirius turned to him and raised an eyebrow. “It’s sticky, it’s slimy, and it’s cold as shit. You hate it, too!”

“Fair point.”

With a quiet, triumphant ‘ha!’, Sirius emerged with a small tube of clear aloe gel. “Who’s the Boy Scout now, sweetheart?”

“You’re the Boy Scout,” Remus grumbled, wincing as he stood and his knees crackled. “Alright, scoot, we don’t have a ton of time.”

“Oh, baby, talk dirty to me,” Sirius deadpanned.

Remus made a face to hide his smile. “Shut up, you.”

He peeked around the edge of the shower stall once more before backing up against the wall, then stifled a shout at the cold tile between his shoulder blades. “I can’t believe we’re doing this.”

“We do have a perfectly good shower at home.” Despite his words, Sirius could see the gleam of excitement in Remus’ eye as he was beckoned forward. The idea of maybe possibly maybe getting caught was a bit embarrassing if he thought about it too long, but it still sent a thrill through every nerve. That may have just been the feeling of Remus’ warmth on his front mixing with the chill on his back, though.

“Do you—” Sirius cut himself off with one more heated kiss, sliding a hand down Remus’ neck and laughing slightly at the squeak of his wet skin. “I wanna see you. Can you hold me up?”

Remus hummed, then pulled back with a thoughtful look. “Not before stretching. Sorry.”

“Pas de problem, mon coeur.” Sirius uncapped the aloe and handed it to Remus, using the side wall of the stall as a brace to hold himself up. He prayed his own tired muscles would do the job and not send them both tumbling to the floor in a heap of horniness.

“Here, let me…” Remus bit his lower lip and looped an arm under Sirius’ knee, lifting his leg around his waist. “Will that cramp?”

“Nah.”

He looked skeptical, but didn’t protest as he slicked his fingers and ran them down Sirius’ cleft. The water had finally started warming up to a more comfortable temperature; Sirius closed his eyes with a sigh and soaked in the feeling, letting the familiar tingles wash over him while Remus dragged his teeth along the side of his neck and the pad of his first finger slid in.

“You have magic fingers,” he murmured, gasping when cold air hit his pulse point. Whoever created aloe gel, I owe you a fruit basket.

He could feel Remus’ smile as his hitched-up thigh started trembling. “Merci.”

A door slammed down the hall and they both jerked in surprise—the digit rubbing gently around his outer muscle slipped very deep inside on very short notice and Sirius’ yelp was quickly muffled by Remus’ palm. “Fucking Christ,” he wheezed, torn between moaning in contentment and shrieking like a little girl at the sudden intrusion.

“Sorry, sorry, it was an accident.” Remus kissed his cheek. “Are you okay?”

“All good.”

“Will this be enough?"

“Considering we have—” Sirius did some awkward gymnastics to spot the wall clock. “—shit, just under an hour until the guys should start showing up, it’ll have to be.”

Remus chewed on the inside of his lip and glanced at the aloe. “I don’t know…”

“Hey.” Sirius cupped his face and kissed him. “This isn’t my first horse show.”

“Rodeo.”

“Same thing.” Remus’ lips twitched upwards and warmth spread all the way down to his toes, not just from the showerhead still spraying them like a firehose. “Besides, God knows you stretched me well enough last night.”

His concern turned to smugness and he crooked his finger slightly. “I did, didn’t I?”

“Bastard.”

The playful insult came out a little breathy as Sirius leaned his head back against the wall, losing himself to Remus’ practiced movements and damp, smooth skin touching him everywhere, everywhere, everywhere. Something blunt and quite a bit slicker nudged his entrance after a moment—after a slow exhale on Remus’ part and a whine from Sirius, he was in to the hilt with all ten fingers gripping Sirius’ hips.

“Oh, fuck.” Sirius was rather winded for reasons he couldn’t spare the braincells to name, and Remus laughed under his breath as he began to move. “Oh, fuck.”

“Shh.”

“I can’t.”

“I know you can.”

“I don’t want to,” Sirius corrected, rocking his hips to match Remus’ thrusts. His fingers began to get sore from holding the stall so tight, but heat was building in his gut and he was hard enough to almost hurt in the best way. “God, there.”

“Not god, just me.”

He flicked his arm with a teasing grin. “Smartass. This is exciting.”

“Uh-huh.” Remus caught him by the thigh as his other knee buckled after a particularly nice angle. “Can’t hold you, can’t hold you, baby—”

“Got it,” Sirius managed, propping himself up again. A clunky door echoed in a faraway corridor and he heard Remus’ breath catch. “Keep going.”

“Someone’s gonna hear.”

“So?” He quirked an eyebrow and wrapped his free arm around Remus’ upper chest, drawing him even closer for a kiss that was more tongue than lips. “That’s the whole point, right?”

“The point—” Remus punctuated his words with a harder thrust that left Sirius’ scrabbling for grip on the wet tiles with a shaky sound. “—is that we could get caught. We could get caught, and then everyone would see how whiny, and needy, and lovely you are while you’re begging for me.”

“Oh my god,” Sirius practically whimpered. He swallowed hard and wrapped his leg tighter around Remus’ waist.

The water was starting to lose some of its heat, but he was dizzy with lust, and pure pleasure dripped like wildfire through his veins. “Actually, I think they already know,” Remus murmured into the hollow of his throat, leaving a light bite there. “Our friends don’t need to find us fucking in the showers, do they? They just need to take one look at you and they’ll know that as soon as I get you between the sheets, you’re a wreck.”

Sirius’ eyes fluttered shut; he couldn’t seem to close his mouth anymore, nor could he muffle the short, guttural sounds slipping out with every quick movement. His left leg was completely numb; it was a miracle it hadn’t given out yet.

“But no,” Remus continued, hoisting him back up into the proper place with a huff. “No, we just have to be that couple that sneaks into the locker room an hour before call time because we just love to tempt fate.”

“This was—your idea—too,” Sirius panted.

“Yeah, because I can’t keep my hands off you.”

He melted into Remus’ palms as they ran along his ribs and back, then down to his ass to give it a firm squeeze. “Close?” he asked, half-slurred.

“Not as close as you.”

His free leg tried to buckle again as Remus stroked along his shaft, but he forced it to stay steady and settled for gritting his teeth around a loud moan that would surely give them away. Remus smiled and upped the pace, but kept his hips moving at the exact same speed. The contrast made Sirius’ head spin. “Please, please, please, please—”

Teeth sank into the junction of his shoulder and all the air fled his lungs. “What else do you want, baby?”

“I don’t know.” It came out far needier than he intended, but who cared? Stars were already popping at the corners of his vision, and he couldn’t even feel the lukewarm water very much anymore.

“Come.”

“I c—”

“Now.”

Sirius took one shallow breath, two, and then shuddered apart, leaning all his weight into the tiles while Remus pulled out and came on his inner thigh. Through his hazy vision, he saw they still had about forty minutes until any of the others would show up. “Love you. Oh, fuck yeah,” he sighed.

Remus made a questioning noise against his collarbone; Sirius felt his heartbeat pounding under his hand.

“We’ve got time to spare.”

“Thank god,” Remus said with a breathless laugh. “I don’t actually want anyone to catch us.”

“Sounds like a nightmare,” Sirius agreed. “I think I’d rather—”

“Sup, Mad-Eye?”

Both of them froze in place as a cheerful voice rang out down the hallway. Sneakers squeaked on the linoleum floors, drawing closer every second. Sirius had gone ice cold, but he didn’t think it was just the shower’s fault.

“Go, go, go!” Remus hissed, yanking away.

Unfortunately, Sirius’ thigh decided that was the perfect moment to cramp so hard it made his vision go white for a second. As soon as his foot touched the ground, his whole hamstring seized, and he doubled over with a strained “motherfucker!”

“Get up!”

“I can’t!”

James’ footsteps were getting louder. Sirius cursed under his breath and limped after Remus into the shitty little janitor’s closet in the corner, wedging himself next to a mop as he bit down on his knuckles to stifle the pained groans building in his throat. Remus shot him an apologetic look and squeezed his hand in sympathy.

The closet was not meant for much more than a handful of emergency cleaning supplies, let alone two mid-season-muscled hockey players. They were pressed chest-to-chest, holding their breath as doom approached.

Well, not doom. Just utter, world-ending humiliation. Not the kinky kind, either.

James whistled to himself as he neared the locker room—two seconds after Sirius buried his face in the side of Remus’ neck to breathe through the agony in his leg, the door slammed open and his best friend began clattering around.

All of a sudden, the room fell silent. Shit.

“Hello?” James called, sounding much too amused for his own good. “Anyone in here?”

Sirius’ pulse hammered in his ears.

“Huh. Looks like somebody left the shower on,” James said with a dramatic gasp. “And what’s this? Two whole duffel bags?”

Fuck, Remus mouthed as Sirius straightened up with a wince.

James started laughing. Deep, deep in his soul, Sirius knew he had spotted the aloe. The squeaking stopped just outside the closet. “Good morning,” James singsonged, though he didn’t open the door.

Remus opened his mouth, resigned, but Sirius jabbed him in the chest with his pointer finger and shot him a warning look. They weren’t going to engage in conversation while naked and crammed in a janitor’s closet. Especially not when James Potter was on the other side.

“I think it’s a little early for all this, but I could be wrong.” He could almost see James shrugging through the thick wood. “I suppose you’ve gotta take what free time you have. Cap, your showers are a lot nicer than these, though. At least they stay warm for more than a few minutes.”

Remus thudded his forehead against Sirius’ sternum.

“Alright, alright,” James said after a moment of quiet. “If anyone were to perhaps be hiding after getting off in the shitty team showers at seven in the morning—at least, I hope you got off—they should feel free to come out of the closet in a much more literal sense because I am leaving. And I will be out of the locker room for five minutes. Once again, that is five minutes, and then I will be back in here to get ready for my job like a responsible adult.”

The door opened and closed again with a click. They both waited with bated breath.

“Ugh, fine,” James groaned. The hinges creaked, his footsteps faded, and there was a loud slam as it shut for real.

“I’m going to kill him,” Sirius said as they shuffled out of the closet, knocking over several spray bottles in the process. “Really, I will.”

“I’ll help you bury the body,” Remus said wearily as he tossed the aloe back in his bag with a sigh. “That was horrific. Think we can sneak out and back in without him noticing?”

Sirius narrowed his eyes at the door. “The son of a bitch will be waiting for us. It’s better to just accept our fate and let him have this.”

“We’re putting shaving cream in his gloves after this, right?”

“Actually, I think Vaseline would be better.”

[zarara]

something else?

pairings: dense!diluc x traveler!reader, a little kaeya x reader moment plot: read it and find out (pls my brain is laggy but one day i will write a summary) genre: fluff, angst perhaps note: i am apparently capable of writing fairly straightforward stories

if there was anything in the world you would pay to have an endless supply of, it would have to be tea… though the idea of infinite mora sounded as interesting, you were sure your talents in combat would make sure you didn’t find yourself broke or clueless like zhongli.

it’s just that tea was perfect — coffee was a close contender but the bitter aftertaste always found you having to pile it up with more sugar than healthy. tea also had no aftermath on your already deranged sleep schedule. it tasted sweet but rich, it was efficient, and it was warm.

you usually enjoyed your daily cup of tea in the solitude of your chambers but today you were making an exception because kaeya, your superior and over-the-top flirt of a friend, insisted you take your evening snack with him at the tavern.

“there isn’t even a snack provision at the tavern! it’s a tavern for archon’s sake!” kaeya is great at ignoring your complaints as he pulls you into the seat next to him.

“i asked sara to bring some honey roast over for us,” kaeya winks at the young man handling the counter in lieu of an order and you hurriedly pipe up a “tea for me please!”

“now, would you please stop your whining, you baby?”

your mouth drops open, “i’m the baby? you were the one begging to take me to drinks instead of helping me finish that pack of hilichurls!”

“i did mention that i got rid of that abyss mage for you when you weren’t looking.”

“i don’t understand you, kaeya,” you take hold of the cup that the man behind the counter sets down, “but anyway, what is it you want from me?”

kaeya smirks over his glass of dandelion wine, “ah, quite straightforward, aren’t we?”

you kick his shin ungently, “let me ask again: what do you want?”

kaeya takes a sip and becomes uncharacteristically quiet. in fact, he doesn’t even comment when you keep staring at him.

“kaeya…?”

before you can continue to investigate what’s up with him, you hear a familiar voice behind your shoulder.

“well, what have we here?”

“diluc!” the red haired man takes place of the young man who looks relieved to not have to bear witness as a bartender.

“hello, y/n, how do you do?”

you smile, the warmth in diluc’s voice going unmissed, “i’m just fine, although a certain someone has taken it upon themselves to ruin my ritual of tea and silence.”

kaeya props a hand around your shoulders, “i’m just repaying you for getting rid of all those gnarly hilichurls.”

whatever was bothering kaeya a moment ago seems to have disappeared, especially in the presence of his arch rival, diluc.

diluc calmly reaches over to lift kaeya’s hand off your shoulder as if it’s the corpse of a slime he’s picking up and hurls it away. “please, kaeya, i thought you didn’t pursue women who’d clearly expressed their lack of interest.”

“and i thought you were too superior to everyone else to stick your nose in their business.”

“well,” you butt in before the two can actually slit each other’s throats, “i thought it was reasonable to agree to work under jean but i guess we all have things we’re wrong about, don’t we?”

diluc’s expression dampens into something like sadness when you mention your overworked state but you brush it off by chugging the rest of your tea. “oh, before i forget,” you rummage through your meagre backpack before removing a package, handing it over to kaeya, “this is for you.”

kaeya looks perplexed, looking between you and diluc, and slowly places a hand on the package, “for me?”

“a client painted the scenery from luhua for me because i found his paintbrushes and supplies, and i know you like your souvenirs, so you can have it.”

“....” kaeya is still speechless and diluc has you pinned with a look of suspicion.

“but why would give it to him?”

“because i go to luhua way too often already and i know kaeya is usually stuck around monstadt so…”

“that’s incredibly sweet of you, my love,” kaeya regains his senses and as you stand up to leave, he pulls you into a hug.

“you’re welcome, boss,” you smile as you pull away, “anyway, i must be on my way.”

“do you think the traveller is with someone?”

maids at dawn winery sure do love to gossip.

“with her looks and strength, for sure! my bets are on master diluc.”

okay, look, you didn’t meant to eavesdrop on them but they were right there when you came out of the washroom. you were going to walk out and pretend like you hadn’t heard them but hearing diluc’s name shook you.

“no,, what about mr kaeya? i heard they hang out after long, tiring quests all the time.”

“but she and master diluc love to discuss-”

all righty, time to evacuate.

“!!”

you manage to keep a poker face as you throw the door open in their faces and stride past them, making your way to the room with diluc.

you quickly dash in, closing the door behind you. you knOW your face is flushed so you turn away from diluc.

diluc frowns. that’s weird. why are you hiding from him?

he rises from his chair, “y/n? is everything okay? are you hurt?”

“y-yeah, i’m just embarrassed.”

you feel yourself being turned around by two big hands on your elbows.

diluc’s concerned eyes meet yours and you almost melt into a puddle of slimy plasma because he’s so hot even though he’s just worried.

“you’re red. why are you red?”

“...i’m fine.”

as if he’s aware of your flustered state, he moves closer to your face in order to look into your eyes which makes a new batch of blood flow to your face.

“y/n, you need to tell me what’s wrong. is it a fever? i can call—”

“nO! it’s nothing. just—!” you break away from his (very intense) hold and move away into the room for fresh air. “stupid me.”

“no way, she did not!”

diluc is immensely frustrated with venti. he has the most unusual reactions to everything diluc says and usually he doesn’t give a shit, but this is about you and your weird state yesterday, so yES he gives a shit!! >:-(

“yes, she did. i’m telling you she did. why are you—”

“oh, i heard you, i just can’t believe that the calm and strong little traveler would lose her cool and around you of all people!”

“heY, what do you mean? i’m perfectly fine as a person to lose one’s cool around.”

yep, diluc has no idea what he’s saying.

it’s just

he thinks the world of you

he really, really likes spending time with you (even when you guys are just talking about the fatui’s next move! or how you found new cool ways to take down an abyss mage!)

you’re so sweet and you don’t take his words for what they’re not. you’re not taken aback by his bluntness and you’re able to make him laugh.

what more does he need in life

well, apparently, venti because he has no idea what to do after you suddenly left the dawn winery that day.

“ugh”

“you’re really worried, huh?”

“was that not crystal clear by now? i came all the way to windrise to talk to you!”

venti chuckles his annoying chuckle

“okay, okay, i’ll help you,” diluc sighs as he waits venti to go on, “here’s what i think: she likes you back.”

..

what

diluc.exe has stopped working

man just blanks out

short-circuits, fireworks, malfunction — you name it.

“diluc?”

“no.”

“what do you mean, no?”

“first of all, why did you say ‘likes you back’? i- i don’t like her or anything. and secondly, no, she does not like me.”

“i’m going to pretend like i didn’t even hear the first part. about the second thing, here’s a question for you: why?”

“because she likes kaeya!”

venti pauses, “i was not aware there was another contender. diluc, you bastard, tell me all the details next time.”

“does this mean she just hates my guts?”

“no, it just means she may or may not like you. back.”

“i told you—!” venti stands up breaking off diluc’s sentence midway, brushing grass off his palms.

“take her to dinner or something tonight and ask her.”

“ask her? ask her what— wait, where are you going, you stupid bard— ASK HER WHAT?”

life is hard for a traveller

you’ve just managed to finish delivering grilled fish to a jack who wants become more manly when katheryne sets you thREE more commissions saying there was a crazy influx of requests suddenly.

you barely manage to uproot two hilichurl camps, and by the third quest, you’re quite dead inside. if only some rogue eye of the storm wasn’t terrorizing civilians.

you’ve gotten in a hit or two in when you skip over a stone and fall right on your face

“fUCK!”

shit

ouch

ouch shit

that hurt

you manage to twist around and keep the eye away with a half-earnest windblade attack and try to sit up.

damn it, is this the pitiful way you die? dammit, you at least wanted to drink your evening tea—

a flash of fiery thunder catches your attention

is that…?

“y/n! stay where you are!”

yup, it’s diluc in all his dark knight hero glory. he finishes off the stupid green eyeball in less than three fire-charged strikes.

you sigh in relief, falling back against the grass.

“hey, hey, hey,” diluc enters your field of vision, red strands falling into his face as he leans down to cradle your head in his lean arms, “where did you injure yourself?”

you tremble a little as you try to lift your foot, “a-ah, my right foot. i twisted my ankle probably. thanks for fi—”

“shh-shh, you’ll have plenty of time to thank me. come on, can you sit up?”

you grab his wrist and prop yourself against his chest so that you’re practically in his lap.

“that’s great, let me take a look at—”

“mhm!! don’t move. please,” you can feel diluc’s breathing tense behind you as you lean into him, “i think the eye hit me while i was down- my neck— ah, fuck—” your hand comes away from your nape soaked in red, “it’s bleeding.”

“it’s all right, you’ll be just fine. just get comfortable and i’m going to lift you up. think you can manage?”

you nod as one of diluc’s hands comes to rest under your knees, folding them and the other tenderly embraces your upper back.

“tell me if it hurts too much.”

he heaves the both of you up and the shock stings your exposed neck a little but you’ll survive.

everything is beginning to become blurry so you lift your hand to feel diluc and meet his chest. despite everything, you smile, aware he’s speaking because you can feel him vibrating but the words are all mushed up and you can feel yourself slipping away.

even though usually you would panic at feeling your consciousness fading but right now, it’s okay because it’s diluc who’s holding you and you know it’s him because just before the black collapses on you, you hear him.

“you’re fine, kitten.”

“—up! y/n, it’s me.”

mhhm, what a sweet voice. so soft and melodious.

“y/n, i can see you smiling in your sleep,” the voice comes closer, “come on, everyone’s really worried.”

the world materializes in front of you as you fight against the closing of your heavy eyelids. “barbara?”

“y/n! you’re alive!”

“i am?”

why would you not be alive?

…

oh

right

the eye

stupid thing

wait a minute,.,.,.

you remember diluc saving your arse.

oh righT

that’s because he did!

he—

he was holding you?

you were in his lap????????

wait a minute!! that sounds wrong

“am i dreaming?”

“really, of all the people you know, do you really see yourself dreaming of me, traveller? last time i saw you, you wanted to steal the holy lyre from—”

“y/n!!”

holy shit

that’s the voice of your saviour

noo

noo

stop the clock

you’re not ready to meet him!!!!!!!

“ah, it’s master diluc! he was so worried about you the whole time you were dead— i mean, asleep,” you redden as the tall man appears in front of you, “kaeya had to force him to leave and get some food but—”

“ahem!” diluc cuts barbara off with a strong clearing of his throat and she throws him a look before standing up from your side.

“i guess i’ll leave you two alone then!”

“wait, barbara, you should stay—”

and she’s gone.

you slowly look up to face diluc

“how are you feeling?”

“much better,” he sits next to you and you smile, “thanks to you.”

diluc frowns as if remembering something unpleasant, “i really wish you wouldn’t just bear all the load.”

“you found out from…”

“kaeya mentioned he hadn’t seen you around the town square as he usually does and when i went to speak with katheryne, she said she’d had no choice but to send you off on extra commissions.”

you look down, “i’m sorry. i wanted to ask someone to come along but everyone seemed busy and—”

“you never checked up on me though,” you bite your lip, “i would have known.”

“that’s- that’s because you’re always busy, what with the winery and your dark knight—”

“y/n,” you stop speaking with a pout and diluc raises your chin with his finger, “promise me you’ll tell someone next time things get so overwhelming. tell me, i’m never going to be occupied enough to not help you out.”

you blush agaiN

stupid kind diluc

“thanks, diluc.”

“and you can stop feeling sorry for me.”

when you look at diluc he looks he’s just caught you red-handed.

“what—”

“i wanted to help you,” you nod, “what’s more, i think i quite enjoyed it.”

“enjoyed. . . carrying an injured woman to safety? you might have a saviour complex, diluc. or perhaps, some sort of a kink.”

you expect diluc to lash back with a defensive retort but to your absolute and complete surprise, he smirks.

the man smiRKS

he’s all ;)

“oh? i won’t deny that,” your stomach suddenly feels queasy all over again as diluc inches closer (and you’re wondering in your head WHEN DID SATAN, OR WORSE KAEYA, POSSESS THIS MAN?!), “but while we’re on the topic of kinks and enjoying ourselves, you seemed to quite like sitting in my lap.”

“diluc!” your exclamation is one of disbelief because you cannot believe that diluc, the man who has never once made an inappropriate joke around you, is openly accepting that he has a kink and is accusing you of having one.

“what? am i wrong? when i tried to move, you stopped me immediately.”

“y-yeah, i did, but—” you’re trying with all your heart to defend your actions but diluc has managed to come close enough to tap his fingers against your outstretched knee. “it was— you were warm and my neCK was bleeding. was i supposed to just die out there?”

“i suppose you’re right, i am warm.”

“exactly.”

you seemed to have dodged a disaster because diluc is distracted by the cuts on your knee and the bandage around your ankle. his slender finger dance down your shin to touch the fabric of the white material tied tightly and he gently holds it.

“does it still hurt?”

“i don’t know, i haven’t tried walking.”

“do you wanna?”

you nod eagerly and diluc offers his hand but before you can be tempted into taking it, you cross your arms.

“why should i hold your hand?”

“because we need to first test if you can even walk without help.” diluc looks confused and you decide that whatever demon possessed him moments ago is long gone.

“correct answer,” you take his hand, and slowly stand up.

“hmm,” your right foot hurts a little but it’s better than you imagined. you tell diluc that.

“that’s a relief,” you reach the door of the empty cathedral and diluc puts his hand on the door, “would you like to take a walk?”

“is diluc around?”

“ah, he said he’ll be back in five. he’s personally delivering some paperwork to the acting headmaster.”

“alright, thanks!”

you’re excited!! it’s friday and today, you and diluc are going aLL the way to liyue to get dinner and stargaze as a post-dinner activity. diluc said he was friends with xiangling who’d always wanted him to come and try her dishes out sometime and he’d asked you earlier if you’d be interested to join him.

of course you were. it sounded like a date! in fact by the way you had spent all afternoon choosing the deep maroon skirt and contrasting white blouse, you were convinced to view it as a date.

“y/n, i apologize to have kept you waiting,” a breathless (and dashing) diluc appears by your side and you smile.

“no problem, diluc, i heard you were doing some important work.”

the both of you leave the tavern, “not exactly important, but let’s just say that while i may not be interested in the knights of favonius, i do value my life somewhat.”

“jean’s scares you, too, huh,” you laugh.

it’s not like diluc is realizing this for the first time but: you’re beautiful

like yeah, you have great hair and dazzling eyes that are bright when you’re happy and a dangerous smile but in the night, in this ethereal lighting, you’re taking his breath away.

“this place looks so fancy,” you’re seated across from him as you play with the ends of your hair. “when i come to this inn, i usually remain on the periphery but wow, this is quite impressive.”

“well, xiangling did say she got pretty famous as a cook around here.” diluc feels dazed especially since half his attention is occupied by how adorable you look.

the night progresses like this; diluc captivated by your blinding beauty and you trying to wrap your head around the fact that you’re on a daTE with diluc.

“oh, hey, look, it’s a silk flower!” you run over to the short, maroon plant, plucking a few flowers out, “xingqiu was telling me how much he loves these.”

he kneels next to you, smiling, “they are quite the pleasant plants.”

“they sorta remind me of you.”

“me?”

diluc touches the stem as you play around with the buds, “yes. for starters, you’re both red. and you both smell nice. you make wine, these make clothes. and if you think about it, wine is the silk of alcohol.”

his fingers collide against yours in the quaint flower, “that’s an intriguing comparison. wine and silk. . .” before you can pull away, diluc takes hold of your hand, pulling you up after him.

he can feel you stiffen a little and then mold back into place, your tiny hand squeezing against his bigger one. the road has become quieter as you travel further from the inn, and more stars start to peek out from the sky.

“thank you for taking me out to dinner, diluc.”

“thank you for having dinner with me, y/n.”

you suddenly giggle a little as if remembering a memory. “what’s funny?”

you look at him and then back down, biting down on your lip — a terrible habit really but especially terrible right now, because it only draws his attention to the soft pink lips he was trying not to look at the whole night (which was made even harder when xiangling decided to serve you the spicier dishes).

“that time you saved me from the eye, you called me something right before i fainted.”

diluc smiles fondly, “kitten?” he is pleasantly surprised when you giggle again, cheeks tinting the loveliest pink. “what’s this? could it be you enjoy being called kitten?”

you squeeze his hand slightly, “maybe…”

diluc’s heart almost gives out on spot

he’s sO whipped for you it hurts physically

“y/n—”

before he can say anything else, you pull him ahead with you because well,,,, you’re embarrassed

“come on, we should go stargaze before it gets too late.”

diluc smiles and allows you to drag him to the clearing at the edge of a cliff.

“i remembered this cliff from one of my adventures,” you plop down onto the grass and hesitantly, diluc follows

“hmm, it’s very peaceful here. i’m going to have to note this down as one of my future hideouts.”

you grin, “don’t reveal that to me. i might end up following you here and you won’t have any of your good ole introspection time.”

your tone is teasing but for once, diluc feels that his needs for alone time are being acknowledged by your light-hearted threat. he shifts closer, heart on the verge of bursting.

“i like you, y/n,” it comes right out of his mouth, clear and loud, the way diluc always dreamed of confessing but never managed to nail during his endless practices

you, on the other hand, are at the risk of a heart attack. you don’t want to pretend to be clueless and dense — diluc did ask you out for dinner when he could be spending the evening doing something more intellectually enriching — but at the same time, you feel like you can’t be sure enough

because it’s diluc!! he’s so complicated, he has so many layers

“you like me?” you keep your gazed fixed on the stars above just so you can mask your disappointment in case he clarifies that he likes you but, of course, as a friend who easily gets in trouble and happens to be around his tavern all the time

but inside diluc’s head are alarms. literal ALARMS. red, blaring alarms.

“i- you have no obligation to accept my feelings or give me answer but i’ve been meaning to tell you for a long time now. i really like you in a way i didn’t think possible. you’re so kind and funny and you make profound judgements about people, without being swayed by the biases that surround them and you’re so brave. but i know you have many men courting you and you did seem to have a soft spot for kaeya so this is—”

“i like you, too, diluc.”

diluc.exe has stopped working part 2 the finale

no more brain cells for him

“diluc?”

“you’re being honest?”

“of course i am. i’ve liked you ever since you took down that abyss mage with me. i don’t know how i’m expected to not fall for the dark knight hero.”

despite his dislike for the nickname, diluc blushes and you laugh at his small adorable smile

but the next moment it’s as if a switch has been flipped and suddenly his flustered face turns into a look of lust

his hands are on your waist, pulling you close until you can feel his hot breath against your lips

your hand comes up his face, tenderly cupping it and your lips crash

diluc groans against your lips when your other hand gingerly finds his hair and to say the least, you are extremely attracted to the sound of him groaning, low and deep

“come closer,” your plea is almost petulant as your grip on his hair tightens. diluc lifts you into his lap, arms around you

but he suddenly pulls away and it kills him to do so because you are a sight to behold, lips redder than ever, mouth half open, and breath heavy

“what in the fuck—” your dismay is clear as you frown at the concerned expression on diluc’s face, “hey, what’s wrong? did i—”

“why did you give kaeya that gift?”

for a moment you think you must be dreaming because it would be absolutely ridiculous if the man stopped your make-out session just to ask you—

“i mean, why not… me?” diluc’s voice has become small, gaze averted as if he’s scared he messed up

you sigh, bringing both your hands to cup his face, squishing his cheeks slightly to make him look at you

“listen, diluc, i have no feelings for kaeya. he’s just one of my nicer superiors and i wanted to thank him for being understanding. and i meant what i said that day — it genuinely reminded me of how he’s stuck around the favonius headquarters.”

diluc processes what you have to say and then, after a few silent beats:

“he’s only nice to you because he’s into you.”

“diluc, will you please just make out with me?”

you pull him back into a kiss and this time, he returns with more passion, one hand boldly cupping your ass and you can’t help but shiver at the sensation of his warm hand

you begin to reach under his shirt when you realize something

“wait, diluc,” you sit up, twisting to look up at the sky, “we were supposed to stargaze. you seemed so excited about it, you even called it the post-dinner activity.”

diluc caresses your arm as he slowly restores the distance between you, eyes on your lips.

he whispers against the nape of your neck, “i’m sure we can think of another post-dinner activity,” his fingers graze your stomach, “right, kitten?”

[prozd]

Bones of the Forgotten

For those unaware, when I was 12 years old, I used to write very gritty Mario fanfiction.  The only reason this exists is because we hit a charity milestone for Extra Life (which by the way you can still donate to here: https://www.extra-life.org/participant/450294)

I decided to write the sort of fanfiction that 12 year old me would've enjoyed writing, so here is my love letter to my youth.

A question block can come in handy in a variety of ways.  You just gotta know how to scrap it down.  Easily done enough with a precision focus Fire Flower blowtorch.  The first thing you gotta do is realize there's nothing bringing that sonuvabitch down; those fuckers float in the air forever no matter how much you push or pull 'em.  Instead, you gotta carve off pieces from it as it's floating up there. Awkward at first, but by the fiftieth time, it's fucking clockwork.

Melt down the pieces and you've got the golden goo perfect for crafting all sorts of nasty tools.  A bat made from question block has just enough lightness for a easy swing, but just enough density to still effectively break a kneecap.  A blade still won't pierce, say, a Chain Chomp, but it can at least pierce most Koopa shells.  Plus, some people just like the gold color; they think it looks sick.

I personally think the best use of question block goo is making bullets out of it.  They're denser than most others and they maintain their speed for longer. The only downside is they stand out if you leave them in a body at a crime scene, but that's irrelevant as long as you're cleaning up your messes properly.  If anyone had the time and resources to search the bottom of the sea near Rogueport Docks, I imagine you'd find a glittering trove of golden bullets scattered among the bones of the forgotten.

One of those bullets dances idly through my fingers as I listen to one of my subordinates, a Craw with the quite frankly unfortunate name of Garf, lament about his recent mistreatment by the Syndicate.

"Ishnail, they just stomped the shit out of us!  Gus and I, we weren't doin' NOTHIN' and those leafy fucks attacked us.  Everyone knows the Plaza's neutral territory, we gotta DO somethin' about this."

Craws get a bad rap, in my opinion.  They get labeled as savage, but I've always found them to be much more thoughtful than people would assume.  Even in this moment, as my eyes gaze upon Garf's tattered, bloodied vest and bandana, and his curved beak squawks in rage, I notice the slightest trace of tears at the very edges of his eyes.  Aw.

"Let me ask you one question, Garf."  Out of respect, Garf immediately goes silent. Again, thoughtful.  "Were you and Gus carrying your spears?"

"I......I mean.....we have to, it's part of Craw culture...."

"I'm well aware, but Garf, I'm sure YOU'RE well aware that no weapons are allowed in the Plaza.  I mean, at the very least, keep a goddamn gun hidden in your pocket, don't wave a fucking SPEAR around.  You're just asking for the Piantas to give you a beating."

I get up from the dingy sofa I've been lounging on and dust myself off.  "But I can't have Don Pianta thinking it's okay to fuck up my guys.  I'll have to have a word with the ol' mustachioed fuck."  I pat Garf on the cheek and wipe a tear away with my thumb.  He nods in appreciation.

I motion to two of my subordinates, a scrappy looking Goomba named Goomfrey and a laidback Hammer Brother named Hamma.  We step outside HQ and into the bustling, grimy streets of Rogueport's east side.  

As long as I've lived in Rogueport, it's always carried the smell of the sea in the air.  It's a welcome scent to me, having grown up in the Seaside Kingdom.  My mom was a Bubblainian; she raised me when my deadbeat Koopa dad left us, and what she gave me was the snail shell on my back and a love for the water.  Merchants shouting and the occasional "STOP, THIEF!" ring out as my muscle and I make our way through the Plaza.  We pass the gallows where the Shadow Queen's corpse was supposedly hung from one thousand years ago.  Fittingly gruesome lore for a city filled with murderous rat-bastards.

A sickly sweet scent starts to mingle with the smell of the sea and garbage I'm used to. It's an indication that we're entering the west side of Rogueport. Sure, it's a much tidier area than where the Robbos and I live; there may be fancy-ass things like "flowers" and "benches," how hoity-toity.  You can put lipstick on a Li'l Oink, but it still smells like shit.

We walk into Westside Goods.  There's no need for the customary password; Peeka, the Boo shopkeeper, knows why I'm here.  She opens up the back door, and we walk up the stairs in the back alley to Don Pianta's office.

"Ishnail, to what do I owe the pleasure?"

Don Pianta stands behind his desk; as much as I hate to admit it, his presence is overwhelming.  "And you brought friends, too?" he notes as he sees Goomfrey and Hamma.

If you want to live long in Rogueport, every time you enter a room, you have to mentally gauge 1. the quickest way to escape, 2. who you may need to disable and/or kill to escape, and 3. how easy that's all going to be.  Two giant yellow Pianta in suits stand guard at both sides of the Don's desk. A blue Pianta in a white suit, the Don's underboss Frankie, closes the door behind us.  

Piantas are not easy to injure, let alone kill; I know this from years of tangling with the Don's gang.  The little palm trees and skirts would make you think otherwise, but Piantas are naturally built like fucking dump trucks and hit just as hard.  Hamma's a Glitz Pit fighter, and I've seen what he can do with that hammer.  Goomfrey gets underestimated for his species, but his reputation precedes him; he has bitten off more fingers than your average Rogueportian.  Still, a fight against four Piantas, even with my question block bullets, would be brutal.  It's telling that you never see a Pianta with a weapon because nothing will kill you faster than simply their own fists.

"Your men attacked mine, Don.  And for what, carrying spears?  You and I both know that's bullshit."

"My men....have been on edge.  Your little Bandit friends have been scuttling around, picking too many pockets they shouldn't be.  Keep that shit on the East Side where it belongs, and we'll be fine."

As Don Pianta talks, he habitually cracks his knuckles.  Out of all the Piantas in the syndicate, Don Pianta is truly a mammoth; his muscles are barely contained by the suit he's wearing.  Honestly, if he wasn't my ultimate arch-nemesis in this town, shit, I'd fuck him.  I like my men beefy.

"Alright, Don.  I'll tell my boys to keep their weapons out of the plaza.  You and I both know no one benefits if we fight in the streets.  Bad business for both your establishments and mine.  Let's keep things quiet."

"Agreed," The Don extends a giant hand.  I shake it firmly.

I turn to leave with my muscle in tow.  As I open the door to leave, I hear a whisper.

"Get your slimy shell outta here, you fuck."

I pause.  I give Goomfrey the look, and he smirks.  Goomfrey's eyes quickly dart and I know he's already memorizing every little detail about the yellow Pianta who whispered the insult.  Without another word, I close the door behind me.

---

There's one more use for question block goo I forgot to mention.  It's perfect for weighing things down.  

I breathe in the salty seaport air; it's particularly sweet tonight.  The golden bullet dances between my fingers; I know it's a bad habit, but it's fun to fidget with.  It'll go to good use though.  I load it into my Fire Flower pistol with a few others and carefully attach the silencer.

"Now, listen, uh...what was his name again?"

"Paulie," says Goomfrey, standing to my side with a grin.

"That's right, Paulie.  I'm a pretty patient person, I think most people including your boss would agree, but I've got a real sore spot about the shell, ya know?  It's just, it reminds me of my dear old ma, and I love her to bits.  You understand, right?"

There is no response from Paulie due to his crushed windpipe courtesy of Hamma's hammer.  Quite frankly, I'm impressed he's still conscious from the pain.  He looks up at me from his crouching position eyes filled with hate, his hands and feet encased in reforged golden question blocks.  Piantas are heavy, so four blocks worth is safest.

"I did promise the dear Don that I'd keep things quiet, so let's cut to the chase." I point the gun at his forehead and before he can react, I fire three shots.  There's no need to prolong this shit; I'm not a sadist. Hamma and Goomfrey pick up the body and toss it off the port into the sea.

"For what it's worth, boss," says Hamma in a low, pleasant baritone.  "I like your shell.  Looks good on ya."

"Aww, thanks."