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#he's my new obsession right now
hunnam · 1 year
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rintoorou · 3 months
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having the miya twins as your brothers would mean them betting over who’d cry on your wedding first
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sieglinde-freud · 3 months
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IM PULLING MY HAIR OUT OF MY SCALP
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puhpandas · 11 months
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Rabbit Burrow
(3,785 words) Part 1 (part 2 found here)
Tony Becker, one year after surviving the attack from GGY, tracks down Gregory post-SB. But he has to get through Vanessa before he can get to Gregory.
Tony likes to think his detective skills are pretty good. So when he swings a leg over the seat of his bike and wheels it near the entrance, he hopes it's the right place.
He'd tracked down Gregory to this apartment complex somewhere in Gale county. It's still in Hurricane, and Tony had been able to reach it with just a bus ride. The apartment is somewhat run-down, but clean enough to where you can tell it's well kept, just old. The air conditioning units he passes on the way to the front door are brand new.
He'd taken the closest bus to Gale county right after school let out. He'd been restless all day up until finally acting on his findings. Tony has been searching for Gregory for a year. Finally finding something and having to wait for his middle school day to end was agonizing. He just hopes his Mom and Grandma wont be too mad at him.
He'd wrestled his bike he'd ridden to school that day discreetly onto the bus and wedged it in-between his legs and the seat in front of him. The air had been humid and thick all day with the signs of a storm, and Tony had seen the dark clouds and heard the thunder peeking over the treeline outside the bus window on the way here. He ducks inside the front door and beats the rain by seconds.
"Can I help you?" The receptionist asks him, giving him a weird look when he steps inside. Shes a lady with long, styled black hair and covered in jewelry. Tony tries not to look too suspicious as he sends her a polite smile, heading to the elevator on the wall to the left. He would also be wary if someone he'd never seen walked into a resident building.
"Just seeing an old friend." He tells her. He presses the button to the third floor and tries to break her gaze by stepping behind the closing doors. The elevator shakes a bit before moving up.
He tries to take a deep breath. Theres some kind of excitement floating around in his chest at the fact that he's done it, but he pushes it down, lowering his expectations.
Despite his theories, he really has no clue what to expect. Theres some sort of worry mixing with the excitement, and all he decides is that if he escaped once, he can do it again.
It both took too long and not fast enough when he finally reaches the third floor. He double checks his crumpled sheet of notebook paper in his hand once, then a second time, something nervous but anticipating thrumming in his veins.
He steps onto the beige carpet of the long hallway, fresh vacuum marks in it, and follows the number plates by each door before coming to a stop near the middle of the hall.
3-05 The plate reads back to him. He quadruple checks his paper again. Its right.
He sighs out deeply, not even realizing he was holding his breath. Despite himself, his brows crease ever so slightly.
He shakes it away, pushing past it. Maybe digging too deep is what got him into trouble before, but its different now. Tony... Tony's learned things during his search for Gregorys location. If there was any point during his investigation that he would call digging too deep, it would have been months earlier from now.
Besides. Tony has always been bad at staving off his curiosity.
He thunks his knuckles on the white wood of the door quickly after that, three times in succession. He kind of bluescreens for a second when he realizes what he just did, then shakes it off. Waiting with wide eyes at the door, watching for a rattling of a doorknob or listening for incoming footsteps.
Nothing. He waits a few more minutes before knocking again, this time a little louder and harder.
Tony perks up when footsteps finally near the door, and his lips part prematurely when the doorknob rattles, not even put-together words yet on his tongue. They fall away immediately when a woman with blonde hair pulled back in a ponytail opens the door, one of those chain locks keeping it open maximum of three inches. "Hello?"
He stutters for a moment, words lost on his tongue, before he clears his throat, putting on a polite smile. "Hi, there." He says. "Um. Who are you?"
"I should be asking you that, kid." The woman raises a brow at him, never opening the door more than the chain lock allows it. She peers at him through the gap, and Tony tries as discreetly as possible to look past her head and shoulder into the apartment itself. "What are you doing here?"
When he looks back, shes still looking at him in a way Tony can only describe as cautious. The light in the hallway on the ceiling is flickering, and it casts split second shadows on the womans face that makes the bags under her eyes that much more prominent and her face that much more intimidating. "Well?"
Tony realizes he hasnt answered, and coughs slighty. "Oh. Sorry." He says, reluctant to continue. "I'm... I'm looking for Gregory."
Tony watches intensely to see if the name rings a bell or catches her attention. Just as he expects, her face twists ever so slightly in recognition. Tony catches something adjacent to panic or fear in her eyes until it's gone not half a second later.
"Who's asking?" She asks eventually, voice carefully even after a what appeared to Tony to be a mini conundrum in her head.
"His friend." He answers honestly. He ducks his head when the woman scrutinizes him, looking almost angry, but restrained enough to not show it. "I mean it," He says earnestly. "he and I... we were best friends. Last year. I came here to look for him."
Her eyes widen ever so slightly at that, and she studies him, eyes flicking back and forth over his face and his clothes and his hair. Tony doesnt miss the way her eyes linger for a millisecond on his scars. Its silent in the hall save for the two looking at eachother, and the buzzing of the flickering light on the ceiling is enough to save him from hearing his own heartbeat.
"Okay." She says eventually, and Tony subconsciously feels himself sag a bit at the relief that he won't turned away right as he was this close. She shuts the door without a word, and all Tony can do is stare at the peeling landlord white paint on the door as the sounds of the woman unlatching the multiple locks on the other side reach his ears. He waits patiently, until she cracks the door open not much wider than it had been with the lock, but just enough to fit his body in. "Come in. But no word to anyone. Got it?"
About what? Tony's about to ask, but then he steps through the door and the words die on his tongue.
"Oh." He says outwardly when Glamrock Freddy Fazbear sits on the couch. His body is adjacent to the patchwork quilt Tony has on his bed that his Grandma made him, and any of the makeup he had been painted with has long since scratched off.
His eyes are shut, and theres two jump cables attached to his ears that are plugged into a portable something. He doesn't so much as twitch when Tony enters the room.
The woman gives him a look after she re-locks only the deadbolt behind him and passes him into the apartment. "Oh." He repeats. "Not a word."
She nods at him, and it's only now that Tony can see the rest of her that isnt just her face. Shes in her twenties, if he had to guess, and she has a white tank top on with some sort of stain near the collar along with Hello Kitty fleece pajama pants. Her socks are mismatched and her nails are painted a purple color that could rival the deep bags under her eyes.
She collapses into an armchair (which hes pretty sure has a mismatched leg attached to it half-hazardously) and only looks at him silently as he steps further into the house, not so discreetly angling his body to get a peek past walls and open doors across the house.
Shes about to speak when Tony does first, "Wheres Greg?" He asks straight up. "Can I see him?"
Her lips twitch, and she just leans further back into the chair. The TV is playing some sort of Spring baking show, and the droning of the host mixes with the pattering of the rain on the window on the wall by the TV.
Anticipation and impatient-ness buzzes under his skin at being right here, and this woman undoubtedly knowing Gregory certainly doesnt help.
She only hesitates for a moment, but Tony can see the influx of thoughts that undoubtedly ran through her mind. She opens her mouth, taking a slow breath, before, "At school."
"He goes to school?" Tony gasps slightly, eyes widening. He moves to the couch, toeing past Freddy Fazbear as to not touch him even with just a brush of his jeans before sitting down, facing her. "What school?"
"He goes to Raindrop." The woman tells him, seemingly not hesitating this time.
It doesn't ring a bell, but it must be a middle school in Gale county. "...I go to Hailstorm." Tony says. "We both did. Or used to."
She stares at him after that, fingers drumming on the arm of her chair. She says nothing, just scrutinizing him, before, "You sure have a lot of cryptic ways of telling me how you used to know Gregory."
He wants to apologize, because it seems like what to do in response to that statement, but for some reason, that feeling in his gut he's learned to trust as his Detective sense tells him that he shouldn't.
Shes still looking at him intensely, and the rain outside pattering on the window somehow feels louder. There's some thunder outside that rumbles the floor, and the lighting casts a shadow on the living room. A few white lines across the coffee table caused by the blinds covering the window.
Her face doesnt so much as twitch, he notices, and she doesn't blink when she looks at him. Her green eyes bore into him, almost glowing in the shadow cast beneath her bangs. It reminds him of how he'd done to her not minutes ago. What he does to people he wants to analyze. To see how they react to something.
That's what shes waiting for, he realizes. He has a feeling that if he doesnt match her cryptic bluntness and instead apologizes and caves that easily, that it will somehow result in her turning him away.
Theres a glint in her eye when he becomes aware of reality again enough to look, and he thinks she somehow just came to the conclusion that Tony figured it out.
Then, he tries to sit up a bit straighter, and muster up that same glint mirroring back at him. "You sure have a cryptic way of letting me know you dont trust me."
Her mouth twitches slightly, but its all Tony needs to know he'd guessed correctly.
Its silent for a moment, and the woman grabs the remote on the next arm over and pauses the baking show she'd been watching. She shifts in the red velvet seat, as if getting comfortable, before, "Tell me how you know Gregory, and I'll tell you how I know him."
He has a feeling he isnt getting to Gregory unless he gets through this woman first, so he clears his throat, leaning his forearms on his knees.
"Me and Gregory met early last year at the beginning of the school year." He begins. "Right after summer ended in August. He was the new kid, and he sat at our table at lunch since it was mostly empty. Me and my friend arent the most popular, so there was room to spare."
She waves a hand, signaling him to stop. "Your friend?" She asks. He nods. "How many of there were you?"
"...Just me and E-- my friend." He says. "There were two of us, and when Greg sat at our table, we remembered how he looked a little lost earlier in class and we introduced ourselves. Then we just... clicked, I guess. He would partner with us in creative writing."
"Writing, huh?" She smiles slightly.
"Yeah." He replies. "Then, it was just business as usual for the months afterwards." He pauses, fidgeting with the hem of his jacket he loves so much that reminds him of the trenchcoats big city investigators wear. "Then... I had gotten wrapped up in this mystery."
She shifts, crossing a leg over the over and holding her hands together. "A mystery?"
Tony nods, remembering it like it was yesterday. He thumbs the part of arm where a scar is on his arm that his jacket covers. "The three of us would always go to the arcade in the Pizzaplex." He tells her. "And one day, I noticed high scores that seemed impossible to reach, and I became obsessed with solving who it was who had gotten there."
Tony thinks hes very good at reading people. So he doesn't think it's just his imagination when the woman in front of him goes a little rigid in her seat.
Theres some sort of creases under her eyes, Tony notices, that weren't there before.
"What did you do?" She asks.
Tony has a feeling that she somehow knows already. So he doesnt beat around the bush.
"I solved the mystery, eventually." Tony says. "Because GGY had been Gregory, and he'd invited me to the Pizzaplex and tried to kill me."
She sags a bit, looking somehow infinitely more tired, but no surprise detected. "But you survived."
"Not..." He shakes his head, picking at the skin by his fingernails. "I wouldn't have. If not for Greg saving me."
"Huh?"
"He--" Tony searches for the words, looking at the carpet between his knees and remembering that afternoon in every vivid detail he'd looked over countless times before. "He'd tried to kill me, yeah, but... he was almost fighting himself as he did it. He was like having a fistfight with himself."
He doesn't look up at her, he just keeps remembering how Gregory had gone rigid right before plunging the knife into Tony's gut a second time and stopped himself. How it had looked like somebody yanked Gregory backwards, but it had been his own self throwing his body. Just so he didnt hurt Tony again.
"He looked like he was a malfunctioning robot." He recalls. "He was like, hitting himself, and was making noises like he was fighting something. I was too frozen to move at the time, but then he threw me a really high security pass for the Pizzaplex and told me to run."
Then he had collapsed in front of him, like he was holding himself down. He doesn't tell the woman, though.
He looks back up to see her staring, eyes wide in suprise. She looks deep in thought for all but a few moments before shaking herself out of it. "So what did you do?"
"I ran." Tony says. "He had got me already. He stabbed me in the back, the first time. That was how I knew he was attacking me in the first place. But I ran away with the pass, and I went to a room with a ton of monitors and erased the security footage."
Her eyes blow wide as saucers, that time. "You got stabbed," she begins. "and instead of getting help, you erase the security footage?"
"Yeah." Tony nods. "Greg would have gotten in trouble if I didnt."
She's silent, after that. Tony just keeps picking at the skin on his fingers. "I somehow knew that Gregory didnt deserve to be. He just..." Tony trails off. "He didnt seem..."
"Seem like himself?" She suddenly cuts in, and Tony's eyes widen.
He nods, a small tilt of his head, and the woman sighs. "That's what being mind controlled will do to you."
A year ago, probably longer by now, Tony would have never believed that. He would have never thought something so outlandish that is only ever shown in fiction could be a possibility.
Not that he was wrong, to. Really, anyone in their right mind wouldnt think so. But things have changed since then.
And Tony has seen a lot of things during his search that probably nobody else has. Plus, This woman has been so cryptic up to this point. If she told him this straight up, and it's clear that she knows Gregory...
Suddenly, everything that day seems to make perfect sense. And everything he'd found that he'd filed away into his little mental Gregory crazy wall.
(He'd used to call it evidence wall, like normal people do. But, well, at some point, maybe Tony had thought the things he'd been finding were a bit too crazy to deem as normal.)
Theres been a stretch of silence while Tony had been taking that in, and he only breaks it to say, "Is mind control a topic you're familiar with in this house?"
Her eye twitches, a bit. And now that Tony is looking for it, he notices that same strange sheen on her eyes that Gregory had during their friendship. That weird red tinted film that makes their eyes turn a completely different color when the light hits them right.
Tony doesnt yet understand how the mind control Gregory had been under works, but all he can hope is that there are some side effects.
She stares at him, eyes narrow, and theres another roar of thunder outside the window.
"Who are you?"
"Tony." He answers. "Tony Becker. Ring a bell?"
She hums, and she looks at him in a way where he feels like he's being dissected.
"He didnt remember anything for a while." She says eventually. "But hes been having dreams, lately. Sometimes he talks about two kids he used to be friends with."
"Me and Ellis." Tony's eyes widen. It doesn't even occur to him that he shouldn't share Ellis's name.
"He worries about you." She says. "I've heard him say he hopes you're okay. You and that other kid. You must have been close if he remembers being that good of friends with the two of you."
"We were." Tony replies. Memories of him, Ellis, and Greg going to the Pizzaplex and trying to get the most dunks in the basketball hoops flash in his mind. He thinks about when Gregory would come over to Tony's little run down house that he shares with his Grandma, and they write graphic novels together for the fun of it.
Gregory liked to call them comics before he'd suddenly decided that stuff wasnt cool anymore and stopped coming over. It had been like everything Tony saw him enjoy that wasnt painfully average for a child suddenly didn't mean anything to him anymore.
And then Gregory tried to kill him in a dusty back room.
Everything hed given up seems to make more sense now. It wasnt willingly at all.
"He doesn't remember your names." She speaks up suddenly, ripping Tony out of his thoughts. "But he remembers more and more every time he has a dream. Something reminded him of you one day, I guess. That must have been when it started."
Tony opens his mouth, but the beeping of a digital clock interrupts him. He follows the womans arm as it reaches across the seat to turn it off.
The time reads 5:00pm.
He watches as she looks over at him, and nods to the door. "After school activity." She informs him, getting up out of the seat. His eyes follow her as she moves towards the front door. "I'm his ride."
Tony's eyes widen at the implications. "So I just--"
"Stay here." She tells him. She grabs a flannel off of the small coat rack by the front door and slips it on, sliding some Adidas sandals on top of her socks and reaching in the pocket of the coat to grab car keys. She pulls them out, and Tony notices that theres a keychain of a white rabbit dangling from the key ring.
The breath is suddenly stolen from his lungs, and he bolts off of the couch, a buzzing under his skin. "You're bringing him?"
She nods to Freddy Fazbear. "If you can wait." She smiles at him, and it's the first time Tony has seen her smile, instead of the carefully kept nonchalant-ness. "He'll wake up pretty soon once he's done charging. So you won't be completely alone."
Tony doesnt know what to say to that. Thousands of words spawned from the thousands of thoughts hes had about finding and tracking down Gregory are on the tip of his tongue, but he only gets any out when the woman begins to leave the house.
"Wait!" Tony reaches out a hand. She turns around, a brow raised. The door is still slightly ajar, and the sound of heavy rain reaches his ears. "What's your name?"
She smiles a bit at the question. "Vanessa."
"Vanessa," He asks, oddly desperate. "Dont tell him I'm here." He swallows. "I want to see him remember me."
Vanessa tilts her head, but nods after a moment. "Sure, kid."
She smiles one last time on her way out, and says, "Tony Becker."
The sound of the rain outside disperses when the door shuts and locks, and Tony doesnt move for a long while. He just stares at the landlord white door, electricity under his skin and something floaty in his stomach.
Greg. He thinks in his mind when he finally rips himself away and looks around some more, seeing a door propped slightly open down the hall with a bed and a desk with pencils and paper strewn all about. He doesn't dare go in, but stares at what he can see. Its been a while.
The silence is numbing, when he can only hear the faint whirring of Freddy Fazbear on the couch next to him and the rain on the window, he plants himself on the couch cushion next to the animatronic, grabbing the remote and resuming the baking show Vanessa had been watching.
He doesn't listen to a word. He just trembles with anticipation and bobs his leg up and down as he stares at a random corner of the screen.
ao3 link
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wataksampingan · 1 year
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THIS IS THE ONLY WAY WE'RE CELEBRATING APRIL FOOL'S FROM NOW ON OH MY GOD MY HEART
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fictionadventurer · 5 months
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All the tour groups in Springfield should be very proud of me for how well I refrained from sharing all my fascinating Lincoln facts.
#there were so many school groups!#a giant one came in RIGHT AFTER i entered lincoln's cabinet room#part of me was screaming 'children i NEED to tell you about all these idiots and their insane drama!'#a smarter part of me understood that would be super weird#so instead i regaled different individuals of my own traveling party after we had the room to ourselves#then at lincoln's tomb we lucked out in getting there during the ten minutes of the day when school groups weren't there#which meant we got a personal tour from a guide who seemed thrilled to have grown-ups to talk to#he and my dad chatted about fishing for a long while in the entry#it didn't feel disrespectful because it totally felt like the kind of conversation lincoln would have understood and joined in on#and then we went on our way but the guide then chased us down to share all the fascinating lincoln stories as we went along#(shout-out to lefty you were great)#and then a school group found us so we made a graceful exit#but outside a teacher was explaining to a different group about how robert was significant in his own right so he's buried at arlington#and the RESTRAINT i showed in not immediately informing them that he was present at three presidential assassinations! it was rather heroic#and then when we toured lincoln's house the guide (who accidentally made it clear he was a revolutionary war buff)#(which made it a bit hilarious he was stuck with lincoln)#asked for questions before we started and someone asked about lincoln's 1860 election campaign!#aka one of my SPECIAL NICHE AREAS OF OBSESSION!#you cannot imagine how desperately i wanted to tell him ALL ABOUT seward and thurlow weed#anyway it was fun to go back now that i actually know stuff about lincoln#but it was also a bit frustrating because now i know how much they leave out#(though there was cool new info and artifacts)#(the blood-stained piece of laura keene's dress was very morbid and very cool)#also it reminded me that i still have that book on the 1860 election i've yet to read and the hype is so real#presidential talk
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fbwzoo · 1 year
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Well. Bearded dragon ended up coming home with Jack last night due to work shift making it easy to just get him then.
Sometimes I hate being right. I'd been getting increasingly certain that this kiddo was gonna be in bad shape from the info and pictures we kept getting. Well. Let me introduce you to Ed.
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Yeah. Poor bub has moderate to severe MBD. He can't even lift himself off the ground really, and he moves by shuffling along on his belly, pulling himself with his front legs. His legs feel like undercooked noodles.
They dumped crickets in the 20g with him, so we moved him over to the 40g last night. Weird makeshift set up bc we didn't even have a lid yet, getting one today. Used the heat and (unused??) Uvb light they had for right now, getting proper stuff ASAP. He's got cloth puppy pads for the floor right now, which seems to work well. Soft, but stay put so he can move.
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Joel is getting greens this morning, Jack is getting the lid and some slate & bricks for a better basking spot. May have to do just the slate if he can't even get up a ramp right now, but hoping he can so it can double as a hide. He's dehydrated as well, so that's adding to his current struggle. We decided against trying to syringe him some water last night, to avoid stressing him more than he already was.
Jack's going to work on hydration today, and also calling the vet so we can get him in next week. We're expecting at least bloodwork, probably x-rays, and then we'll see what the vet thinks about the chances of improving his state. Honestly, euthanasia is on the table, but we're still hoping to avoid that. We'd really like to at least see how he responds to a proper set up & food, and if there's any improvement with some treatment time.
And I guess I'm eating my words, bc if we don't euthanize this bub, he's probably fucking staying now! He's going to be disabled to some degree for the rest of his life, and I suppose we could still likely find someone willing to take him, but it does add further complication.
My boys know me well though. Apparently they were already taking bets on how likely we were to keep him. 🤦 I chose my life partners well, I think.
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discoreptile · 2 months
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youtube
Beasties of Greenhollow soundtrack! Some tracks on this are from older projects like elphame but all of them have been reworked in some way. Most of them are entirely new. Enjoy!
#soundtrack#music#indiegamedev#Youtube#beasties of greenhollow#indiegame#chiptune#elphame#hey again gang. Another scream into the void#Things have been getting more interesting tbh#I'm starting therapy again. I have learned from this that my anxiety is in the very very high end.#And I guess the only thing that surprises me about that is that it's an abnormally high amount vs the average.#I've had more intrusive thoughts this week than in a long time. (I almost said ever but that was 2021 where they woke me up...)#It's mostly about my mistakes and ppl I've scared out of being in my life because of the actions based on my anxieties.#Like “if i could go back in time I could fix it”... girl you'd be going back in time like 100 times. At that point it's not fair lmao#I think I shouldn't talk about who I'm dating here anymore. Friends told me to stop seeing so many new people and I took that advice.#I'm exercising incredibly frequently; obsessively so. It really doesn't change much in my anxiety. I walk for like 3 hours a day.#My friend group is... difficult. One of us had a falling out with another and the dynamic is just so awkward for me now.#it just seems like everyone else has moved past it though but I still miss him. I don't think this can be reversed#we used to talk on my stream and play digimon cards n jackbox and d&d... But now they're only interested in d&d which I don't love#For god's sake I've published a game and moved to a nice new place. why aren't I happy hahahaha#work is no longer enjoyable since BoG was publised. our new project is in an iffy category but it's not my place to argue#I want to write music and animate but I have to do my hours for this new project before I can do anything like that...#I ended up siding with my current boss in that ethical dilemma I posted about and rn idk if that was the right decision.#Okay what can i talk about that's good? We moved to a nice place. I'm celebrating BoG's release with family tomorrow.#Graeme's playing Iconoclasts- one of my favourite games! He's also returning to work soon so it'll be less awkward to have a lady over#Thinking about good stuff going on just draws the mind to holidays I've had before. I treasure my memories!#Okay so I've complained for a long long time bc life doesn't feel great rn. But rest assured I already know this is 90% my fault hahaha#Oh another good thing that happened!!! My elestrals card was printed and ppl are really happy with it. I have a card in a real card game!!!#don't tell anyone but there's another one on the way. Anyway that will do for now. I'm sorry about my... self.
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swordmaid · 10 months
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I forgot where I read it probably from some handbook but iirc drow hair is one of their symbols of beauty and to cut off someone’s hair is a way to punish and humiliate them. don’t really know if that’s an actual thing - BUT now I am thinking of shri’iia having longer hair throughout act 1 until she becomes an oathbreaker. it is only when she accepts her status as an oathbreaker that she cuts it to the bisexual bob that she usually has <3
#shri’iia is like reverse jaime to me where his hair gets significantly longer throughout the series (in my hc)#but her hair remains short .. like act 1 is her asos era ok ?#also jaime becoming kingslayer (oathbreaker) bc he did what was right instead of following what he was supposed to follow#and shri’iia doing the same thing … failing to follow the tenets of lolth’s paladin (aka being a general menace to everyone) and she did#what she thought was right (followed the group’s consensus / killed minty in a way that she thought she would be praised for#but then she was shamed for it and also indirectly saving the tieflings in the process)#but unlike jaime he is not a girlfail 💔#he did what was right and got judged for it 💔#and shri’iia did what she thought was right but then she gets shamed and forsaken for it … fell out of lolth’s favor#wait now I’m obsessed with shri’iia and the ‘how can such a night be so beautiful? why would the stars look down on such as me?’ line#shri’iia who is slowly falling in love with the vastness and openness of the sky .. something that is so new and foreign to her … but she#has fallen out of the spider favor…. deemed a stain and a source of shame .. she is now worth nothing .. doesn’t even deserve to look at#the stars - something that is not hers to view to begin with since she is not from the surface … hrk hHRK. hrk. gagging.#when I say that shri’iia’s sense of self / self esteem is low.. it’s fucking low … like it has a shovel and it’s digging low ..#100+ years of isolation and toxic codependent relationship where her self worth amounted to whatever she could do for her matriarch will do#that to u I guess …
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sarcastic-clapping · 1 year
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if kendall roy has a million fans i’m one of them. if kendall roy has one fan it’s me. if kendall roy has no fans i am dead.
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HH....HVAVE YO USEE ONCE OIECE FILM: RED.... UTA>.........
not yet! i've just got to the wano arc of the manga so i presume i'm probably up to date enough to watch it soon.
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loverboydotcom · 7 months
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my brain is mush so i cant write prose but do know that i as usual am thinking about best friend dynamics and caretaking dynamics, and the way they integrate in beau and bobby’s relationship arc, and what it means to not just require increasing levels of daily care but to receive it from the person who’s always been your peer, the same guy you grew up with and experienced teenagehood and adolescence with, and now you need him in a vulnerable way you never expected to need from anyone, and how them being best friends shapes that caretaking dynamic in both positive and negative ways, but ultimately in the end it integrates with that friendship and deepens their bond in a way nobody could understand but just them
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eggmeralda · 5 months
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I wish there was a way you could put like. every song in the world on shuffle
#spotify playlists made for you are not enough#bc they're based on music i already like and i don't Wanna Hear Music I Already Like#god i need a hyperfixation that is Stable and also New (not a revival of one I've had since I was 16)#bc they introduce me to music i wouldn't have even thought of ever going near#not to compare everything to the highs of my tflu obsession but like?#that introduced me to So Much Music (some related. some not)#i probably listened to more genres in 2022 than i have ever listened to in my life#but idk. i could just listen to some random genre i have no interest in but what would be the point?#there needs to be a sort of 'hilda would've liked this in the 40s' 'this reminds me of swagtre' 'this is literally the plot of nddp' etc#sort of connection#but all i have right now is the endless cycling continuation of the south park obsession i had in 2016. which makes it very easy to just#listened to the music i listened to back then#also it's like. I've seen everything in that fandom there's nothing new i can really get out of it?#it's more just a mix of nostalgia and it's like. easy to get into bc idk. a lot of characters and storylines so you don't get bored in one#place for so long. almost the perfect obsession if it wasn't literally South Park#but surely i can just type in a character's name on spotify and find new music that way?#hahaha No#bc every single sp playlist I've looked through only seems to use like the same 10 songs. and i don't really like any of them#also 'he would not fucking say that' except it's 'he would not fucking listen to that'#most of the time. idk#i need new Vibes that's the problem#there's always a new vibe going on at all times but it seems to have stopped around the start of this year#maybe i just need a job. once i have a job there'll be a location i go to regularly. and I'll have to travel there in some way. and that#will be a new experience. and there'll be new vibes#I'll probably stumble across a new hyperfixation in the process. and then find new music from it#but for now everything is so stagnant and all i really listen to is 80s/90s indie pop and then just music i've listened to since I was 14#i can't even ask for recommendations bc even if i like a song it has nothing to stick to in my brain#i'll be like ''this is a cool song i like it'' and listen to it on repeat and then go off it like a day later#oh fuck tag limit#ramble
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harmonizewithechoes · 7 months
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It’s my middle child’s 3rd birthday today 🥺
3 years ago my partner was deployed overseas and couldn’t come home for the birth because the military didn’t want to spend so much time quarantining their soldiers. Fortunately I had help as my parents were watching my son (at the time just a month shy of 2) for a few days before my due date and we had moved across the street from my partner’s parents when we found out about the deployment. So I had his mom with me at the hospital holding up her phone while we got to have a rare video call with my partner as we welcomed our daughter into the world after a very quick labor. I then had two months with our two very little kids by myself before he came home. It was an incredibly hectic time and I’m still not quite sure how I was able to get through all of that but here we are with the sweetest little 3 year old (let’s call her C) we could have asked for 🥰
C loves to play dress up and she has specific characters she’ll play as where you can’t refer to her as her name or she’ll get mad. She’s not C she’s Dr C or Baby or Baby Kitty or Princess Bucket (this was her first character and yes she does put a bucket on her head as a crown). Her favorite game to play is hide and seek and she loves dance parties and drawing and she’s obsessed with her 1 year old sister. We love C so much and I’m so excited to see how she grows and changes and learns over this next year ❤️
#personal#tonight her and her little sister are sleeping in their beds in their very own room for the first time#they’ve had their beds in my bedroom since we moved in and very often just ended up in our bed#but I’ve spent the past few days getting the room we’ve used for storage ready for them#and they’re doing really well so far#I’m sure they’ll end up in my bed again at some point but this is at least a step in the right direction#our crib that we’ve used for all 3 babies turns into a toddler bed and as I was taking it apart and putting it back together in the new room#my son started crying because he didn’t want his sisters to be big girls in their own room#he wanted me to put everything back and make the 1 year old 0 again so she could keep being a baby#I should point out that he is also obsessed with his baby sister#I told him that’s not quite how it works and kids are meant to grow up#and then he asked yet again for a baby brother because he loves babies so much and then he’d have a brother just like him 😅#he’s very sweet but also…. that’s not happening lol#I’m slowly becoming a person again and being able to focus more time on hobbies#and my partner and I now have our room back#all of that would be reset again with another baby not to mention another year of nursing and diapers and sleepless nights…. pass lol#I’m emotional about my babies growing up but I’m also so excited to learn who they’ll become as time goes on#sorry for rambling I get sappy on their birthdays
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ficsforeren · 1 year
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hi Kana, how is the pregnancy going? hope you and the baby are doing well 💕! i wanted to ask you if your partner knows about this blog and if yes, do they know how great you are as a writer? do they know about your “obsession” for eren?
Hi, bestie 💕💕💕 so sorry for the late reply 😭 I gave birth last month, so I'm still recovering but my baby and I are doing well! Thank you for your sweet words and I hope you're doing well too!
My husband knows about this blog, yes, cause he's always interested in what I'm doing in my spare time so I talk to him a lot about my fics. I used to even consult him about it to know what a guy's reaction would be if his girlfriend does this or that and I included his inputs into the story LMAO
omg noooo 🙈 I'm not a great writer what are you talking about ljaskdfalksdf 🙈 well he has never read my stories from the beginning till the end, only parts of them (cause you know my stories are like 300k words LOLOLOL he doesn't have time for that) and he does know about my obsession. He's okay with it tho, he even bought me this massive eren figure!
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this is the close up shot from the website cause my camera sucks:
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crybaby-bkg · 2 years
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I finally parted ways w my old therapist of almost two years to find someone new and after having to hound him for two weeks to get my documentation from him, I’m just now finding out that I have panic disorder like. wow. fucking news to me ig
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