#healthy communication kink

[fg203]

Yeah so I had no idea that my appreciation of healthy communication could hit kink levels until I found @scarlettohairdye’s fics.

I read I Know Who I Want To Take Me Home first, and daaaamn. Suddenly I realized that while I occasionally enjoy a level of toxic in my fiction I wouldn’t tolerate in real life- that reading about people having open and healthy communication about sex is hot AF.

Then, I read Leave All Your Love and Your Longing Behind. Yay more hot healthy communication, and all sorts of warm fuzzies of awesome acceptance that warms my cynical and jaded heart. I heart Wei Ying’s “weird queerplatonic extended family grouping over two apartments.” Also Bunny, because she is the best and the belly is NOT a trap. And even Bruce because he is a big lover and just needed a friend to teach him manners.

And of course, because of my brain with all the hyper-SQUIRREL-fixa-SHINY-tion, paired with a whoa busy life, I am reading ALL THE THINGS between all the OTHER things that I am reading/watching/scrolling/doing. Which naturally means I read For a Good Time, Call. I am so ridiculously in-love with this modern incarnation of all the MDZS characters, but most especially Wei Ying and Lan Zhan. I love the feelings and the talking about them once they get around to talking about them. I love the neuro-spicy in all flavors. I love wedding planner extraordinaire Jiang Cheng and Nie Mingjue’s “Like I haven’t seen a fucking dick before.” I love the fashion. I love Wei Ying’s (off screen) therapist and want to be her (I am already a snarky and sarcastic asshole to clients who appreciate my snarky and sarcastic ways, I think he would appreciate me). And damnit, apparently I now love Jin Zixuan, and his naked calendar, hanging with cats, and haunted kitchen.

I have actually reread this one in bits and pieces because I wasn’t ready to move on, and sometimes when doing other things thoughts of this would pop up and I’d come back to visit. I am pretty excited that this is part of a series of works and I get to visit this world and particular incarnation of these characters again.

So do yourself a favor, if you are open to modern AUs, enjoy some explicit smut in your fic, and are on the healthy communication kink-train (or want to explore it) - and check out @scarlettohairdye’s work.

[fr-wiwiw]

I made a poll on twitter on which Gahan fanarts I should done first between sfw & nsfw. It ended up with 50/50 results lmao

So here's the sfw done first <3 Zoom in for their small details! You won't regret it hehe.. sketches context are down below the image

I'll be sketching the nsfw later, I have commission progress to do

black colored sketches:

top left - yohan smooching gaon's cheek based on a black & white dove pic from oomf twitter post

top middle - yohan is pissed that someone (you) is stalking & taking pictures of them on their date, gaon is oblivious and wondering why yohan looks annoyed at the fishes. yohan is thinking how to dispose you without gaon noticing

top right - gahan talking about their likings in sex after post coital session. gaon likes when yohan ties his wrists. yohan likes/ doesn't mind gaon's nails scratching deep on his back or shoulder. there's also finger marks on gaon's thighs with how hard yohan was handling him. their toes touching and wiggling, can't get enough of skin contact. they're both clingy for each other

pink colored sketch:

gahan is taking a stroll when gaon notices something & pulls yohan's sweater for attention

orange colored sketch:

yohan leans his head on gaon's shoulder to take a nap after gaon bought a cup hot drink. gaon is surprised bcs yohan rarely leans on him physically in general

[vrieseasees]

OK HEAR ME OUT ... *nothing comes out of my mouth*

This is where the viewer tries to figure out if that was just a ploy or he was really actually into it *throws hands up and walks away backwards*

cant remember which post i pulled that flashback from... it's somewhere in this blog lol i died when i remembered i drew that and didnt know why

[hulk-]

I cannot imagine growing up in today's online climate, with how pronounced the paranoia and performative mindsets over media consumption are.

I watched so many movies and read so many books as a kid. It must be exhausting, having to stop prior to seeing any kind of media and checking if it is somehow "okay" to consume, and okay to share the fact you've consumed it with your peers. Imagine the mental stress that would cause, especially because according to this whole purity culture panic, the main punishment for looking at the wrong media is ostracism.

Humans are not built to handle ostracism well. We're social animals because we die if we're alone, so being ostracized has an enormous psychological impact on us. So the stakes here are ludicrously high. And for what? Whether someone enjoys the Saw franchise, or reads Lolita, or finds the Lannister's relationship fascinating, or has a rape kink?

The pressure to find ways to account for your missteps, to prove you're not as "dirty" as people think you are, is absurdly intense as well. And it is always there. Posting online means you can be seen anytime by anyone, so the sense of accountability is high. The sad thing is, accountability means a dozen different things to a dozen different people. So even if you tie yourself into knots trying to be "good" and "morally superior", at some point, someone is going to point out how you, too, are a "degenerate" like everyone else, just because you didn't meet their strict standards. And at that point it won't matter if you "aren't really a bad person". They won't care, just like you didn't care. They will still attack you. It's really only a matter of time.

And if you don't think it will happen to you, well, that's what everyone else thought too.

[000portal]

sex is fine to do and want and talk about and good and fun and natural and healthy actually

[silverspleen]

Thinking about Silas (human OC) again but only in the context of his Very Normal And Consensual and not at all fucked up relationship with James (werecat OC) and Eliza (ghost OC) and how you'd just sort of assume Silas is part of a polycule but he is most certainly not in his own mind, he is completely independent of them he can leave their weird relationship whenever he wants he's not even fucking either of them.*

It's like the "he doesn't fuck monsters but here is a list of the monsters he has fucked" thing he is my special hypocrite man and I love crafting new ways for him to have like, little mental rules and tics and things he's convinced he does that are normal but in reality they are not normal and he's lying to himself. Because he is, at his core, a huge liar.

---

*As defined by penetrative sex, James is still as close to a "best friend" as he'll get and they do still kiss with tongue and goof around for actually kind of sweet and consensual stress relief (as consensual as Silas gets, because they'll also try to manipulate each other gently into crime jobs), but then like, Silas also routinely gets Really Into pushing some really weird violent limits with Liz, who is a semi-corporeal ghost, and is into that, so her can choke her in The Bad Way because he dislikes her (except when he's like "haha James your sugar baby is such a manipulative bitch (impressed)") but is very attracted to her in a fear+hatesex kind of way so it just sort of falls that Silas is often nearly re-murdering her in a way he refuses to be introspective about because! Nope!

---

But also like, none of them have discussed the rules of the relationship besides whatever Silas puts down and he's constantly changing his mind all the time because he has about fifty different unhealthy trauma-inducing criminal/supernatural power dynamics at play in his life at once and is barely holding on by a thread mentally and physically for about a quarter of the month and if you were like "ah yes the Silas/James/Eliza polycule" he would have to restrain himself from hitting you with a brick.

[bisexualmaedhros]

transfem furries hornyposting online about the relatively niche/"out there" things they're into have inadvertently helped me accept myself more than the body positivity movement of the 2010s ever did

[llycaons]

drafted a post but decided the judgement and ridicule it would have opened me up to would have been too much to bear.

[bottom-slut-unionizer]

I'm so glad I'm attracted to bears bc being like naturally attracted to men with bellies already feels 80x healthier than whatever the fuck is going on with muscle fetishists. Definitely better for my self esteem too

[friendlyrejection]

i may think about giving you my gilginity. what would you do with it?

i will own it and treasure it and keep it in a special place in my heart and pussy and we will have a special and unique connection where across time and distance you will remember that your first experience with Dyke Sex was so raw and fulfilling that you were fundamentally changed emotionally and physically because for one glorious evening you will be owned completely and utterly by my power and passion and you will be be forever branded by my fingerprints inside you and you will KNOW what good sex is and forever onward you will expect nothing less and do nothing less for others

[valentone]

r u guys going to b normal abt kink at pride this year or r u going to seemingly forget what pride is abt

[chaoticgeminate]

Kinktober 2022 - Day Nineteen

Pairing: Javi Gutierrez x f!Reader

Rating: Explicit (If that was not entirely clear)

Series Summary: You’re a fanfiction writer turned novelist, which was great since it was the path you wanted your writing to take you down in life. What you never thought would happen was meeting the Javier Gutierrez, who you actively write smutty fanfiction about from his film with Nic Cage, and you especially didn’t expect him to have a crush on you.

Fast forward several months of dating, with a good chunk of your relationship being distance due to his constant traveling and having to go home to Mallorca, when he surprises you with a prompt list and a vacation planned around exploring it.

You haven’t even worked up the nerve to tell him about what you write and post to Tumblr about him as a character yet.

Notes: Going to be using prompts from @the-purity-pen for my meta as hell indulgence! There are feelings in this (I have no idea how they got there) and I may end up removing some possible chapters here and there depending on how I’m feeling, I apologize in advance if that happens because my brain is super mean sometimes.

Possible Warnings: None, just discussions of safewording and reassurances

Interlude 2 (802)

“Can we talk about yesterday?”

Javi’s tone was soft and you nodded immediately since you knew he’d been thinking about this most of the day, after waking up to breakfast in bed he had practically waited on you hand and foot, it was bothering him and you knew it but he hadn’t been ready to talk when you asked.

Now he was.

“Of course.”

Your agreement practically lifted the weight off his shoulders.

“You said you almost used your safeword?”

“Not because I disliked it, if that’s what you were worried about, it was just a lot at once. You’ve never edged me like that before, not even factoring in that I was bound and blindfolded, so it was just really overwhelming.”

You watched Javi’s jaw work as he listened, one thing about your boyfriend that you appreciated was that he had learned to let you talk and actually listen before he jumped to answer, in the beginning he’d been bad at conversing without rambling; his excitement and how deeply he felt things often leading to times you’d felt like he didn’t quite get what you were saying because he wanted to clarify every little point as soon as you brought it up.

Rather than listening to the entire context, like he did now.

“I was not worried you disliked it; I was actually worried I’d pushed too far. Otherwise, you wouldn’t have needed to safeword.”

 “Javi, the point of safewords is that we check in with each other, right? You and I are new to this sort of thing together, we’re still learning, if we didn’t safeword I would be more worried. I trust you to respect that I know my boundaries just like I trust you to know your boundaries, until we do this sort of thing more, we won’t know how far we can push. Realistically.” His big brown eyes softened and Javi cuddled up to your side, just wrapping his arm around your waist, and you ran your hands through his soft curls gently.

You appreciated that he was checking in, this level of communication was something you truly loved about what you had with him, the fact that he hadn’t entirely ignored how close you’d been to your limit was proof of just how good a man he was.

“I understand, I just- I worry. I know that much of my problems are things I need to see someone about, that once I begin therapy I can start to understand them and myself better, but the idea that I pushed you that far still… it made me feel like I didn’t really know you as well as I thought.”

You scratched lightly at his scalp, propped up on pillows on the bed as the game show that was on played like background sound, and you poked him on the cheek gently after a minute. “Most of our relationship up until now has been stolen time between your time in Mallorca, we’ve been long distance more than we have been together in person, so I don’t expect you to know me that well actually. But that’s okay, Javi, we have time to just be together and learn these things.” His eyes lifted to look at you and your soft smile made him relax against you.

“Can you help me look up a therapist? One who I can meet with over Zoom if I happen to be traveling?”

“Of course, cariño, and if you ever need me to sit in with you or you want them to mediate anything between us, I will do that for your peace of mind.”

Javi’s brows relaxed and he leaned up to kiss you, you felt safe and loved and respected with him like this, and the two of you stayed like that for a spell before you were grabbing your laptop.

“I love you, Solecita, so much.”

“I love you too, Javi.”

Your Twitter was loaded up on the screen, you’d been scrolling through comments, and a part of you was horribly smug over just how many people were defending you versus condemning you over the leak. The people calling you a gold digger, calling you derogatory names, were a vast minority compared to the sea of people calling you an icon and reminding people that you worked hard for what fame you had.

It was funny, when you opened Tumblr curiously, to see all of your mutuals -who didn’t know that it was actually you- sharing memes and photo edits and GIFS of you. Your favorite was where they’d photoshopped a crown on your head and gave you a Game of Thrones style set of titles.

Javi saved the image and even set it as your contact photo in his phone.

“Mi Reina.”

“Dork.”

You silenced his giggles with a kiss.

All Fics Taglist: @hardc0rehaylz @wordsnwhiskey @pagannightwitch @radiowallet @musings-of-a-rose @amneris21 @trickstersp8 @practicalghost @rominaszh @alwaysdjarin @alexxavicry

Just Pedro Taglist: @maievdenoir @beecastle @littlemisspascal @writeforfandoms @AynsleyWalker @lovesbiggerthanpride @mswarriorbabe80

Alt Taglist: @imtryingmybeskar @fan-of-encouragement @grogusmum @sizzlingcloudmentality @deadhumourist @prostitute-robot-from-the-future

Kinktober Only: @nicolethered @katareyoudrilling

[rpcburnbook]

I am so glad Kink exist because all the creepy asses can exist there and leave the other side of the Rpc alone with their demented plots

~

[fat-piggie100]

Hey guys i lost my former account I'm a submissive

feedee looking for a dominant feeder

[nancys-braids]

since it’s pride month. reminder that queer people having a healthy sex life is normal. queer people can have kinks. lesbians can express attraction to women without being gross or predatory. gay men aren’t scary. trans people are valid no matter where they are in their transition. asexual and aromantic people are included in our community too. non-binary people don’t owe you an explanation. bisexuals don’t have to “pick a side”.

we all have different experiences but we should all try our best to make each other feel welcome.

and the A has never stood for ally. hope this helps.

[butchmartyr]

the frustrating thing about discussions of kink for me is that it’s like the gom jabbar test for pulling reactionary sex politics out of people. you’ll see people bringing up (real and worth discussing!) issues of abusive people using the cover of being a dom or liking servant/master dynamics and then they’ll conclude this is why we have to treat kink like nuclear waste, rather than pointing to other issues of consent, power imbalances, lack of communication, respect, or negotiation. (not to mention how the existence of predatory/abusive subs is basically handwaved away because it’s inconvenient to their narrative..) like the problem of shitty guys pushing 50 shades wannabe stuff on their girlfriends lies with their misogyny and lack of respect for their partners wants, not with an idea of them being ontologically evil for enjoying sadism. further stigmatization and demonization just make discussing safe practices and safe communities for informed and healthy kink harder