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wintaerbaer · 1 year

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things we don’t say: part 3 (kth)

banner credit: @itaeewon

summary: Three years after graduating college, everything seems to be falling into place for you: stable job, cozy apartment, and a long-term boyfriend with a ring box hidden in his desk drawer. But when a mutual friend makes a remark that your best friend of nearly two decades is clearly in love with you, you realize that life may not be as simple as it seems.

pairing: Taehyung x Reader (with some VERY brief Seokjin x Reader and Yoongi x Reader)

rating: 18+ (minors dni)

genres: best friends to lovers, idiots to lovers, slooooow burn, angst, fluff

word count: 9.0k

chapter warnings: kook has literally zero chill (i’m so sorry about him), jimin channels his inner dominic toretto, taehyung is so sweet he’s giving me cavities, discussions of infidelity, swear words, namjoon still gives the best hugs

a/n: thanks for the patience in waiting for this one! for those who may have missed it, i ultimately opted to split this into two chapters, so now we’re looking at seven parts and an epilogue. :)

PREVIOUS // SERIES MASTERLIST // MASTERLIST

Read on ao3

"I can make you a drink?"

"It's noon."

"So?"

You sigh, slumping on the couch. "I appreciate it, Kook, but I'm just…" You stretch out, pressing your toes into his thigh. "Tired."

The week has gone by in a blur of tears and sleep. You'd taken the rest of the week off, thankful both that you had been carefully banking your PTO in case of an emergency and also for having a manager that prioritizes empathy and mental health. When you'd practically had a breakdown explaining your situation over the phone, she'd quickly granted you the time off—no questions asked—and told you to take care of yourself.

It's been mostly your friends taking care of you, however. After the night you came back from the beach house, you'd been whisked away to the guys' apartment to stay with them, camping out on their pull-out couch, which they’d insisted you could have for as long as you want (Taehyung had pushed you to take his bed, offering to stay in the living room, but you'd begged him not to make you feel worse by displacing him, and he'd eventually acquiesced). Maya and Taehyung had then gone back late the next day to pack you a bag with no Jace encounters.

He'd only texted you once—to provide a weak apology and to let you know he'd clear out of the apartment.

Still, your plan is to stay with the guys for a while; you don't think you could bear to be in your apartment alone right now, especially knowing that Jace has been with someone else in your bed. It's like the image is seared behind your eyelids, tormenting you every time you blink and pushing your mental fortitude to its absolute limit. You haven’t made it a single day without a breakdown, feeling as though you��re constantly trying to walk an emotional tightrope.

Except the tightrope isn’t pulled taut and is also on fire.

That being said, you welcome the distraction of having your friends around. Between Jimin working days, Jungkook working nights, and Taehyung having a flexible schedule with the museum and his photography gigs, someone is always around to spend time with you. Maya’s also taken it upon herself to pop in almost every night with wine, chocolate, or some other variation of breakup food and hang out for a while. You'd feel bad about their attentiveness (you feel sometimes like they're babysitting you), if not for the fact that it's the only thing keeping you remotely sane as you fluctuate between sobs and an overwhelming numbness.

This Sunday afternoon, it's Jungkook's turn to babysit; Taehyung left to run some errands an hour ago, while Jimin slept in late and is currently taking a shower. Jungkook's reclined on the sofa next to you, longs legs stretched out in front of him with his fingers laced behind his head. You'd thrown on a TV movie—some bullshit about a woman who goes through trials of love, only to realize that her perfect man was hidden in plain sight the entire time.

If only life were that fucking easy.

"Do you want an ice cream sundae?" Jungkook suggests as the credits roll. "I can make you an ice cream sundae."

"Are you just suggesting things that make your twelve-year-old brain happy?"

His lower lip pushes out in thought. "No, if I was going to suggest things that cheer me up when I'm sad, I'd offer to go down on you—"

"What the fuck, Kook."

"Which I'm game if you are, but I didn't think you liked me like that."

"Yeah, I think I'll pass."

"Suit yourself."

"Leave her alone, idiot. She's fragile." Jimin steps into the living room from the hall, fully dressed but still towel drying his hair. He takes in your relaxed forms on the couch—you, halfway burrowed under multiple blankets—and frowns. "You're not dressed yet?"

You blink slowly at him. "Should I be?"

"Yeah, Kook and I are taking you somewhere." He looks over at the man sitting beside you. "You didn't tell her?"

Jungkook's mouth stretches into a wide grin. "Surprise!"

You're still processing what the hell is happening—your plans for today were to park yourself in this spot and not leave—when Jimin strides over and yanks the blankets off of your body.

"Chim!"

"C'mon, get dressed. We have an appointment," he says. "And wear something comfortable. You're gonna love it, I promise."

A half hour later and you’re sitting in the back of Jungkook’s black Mercedes, watching the city pass by outside your window. Now that you’re up, it does feel nice to be out of the apartment instead of wallowing inside on the couch with a tissue box in your lap (which had been the general trend of the past week). Even listening to Jungkook and Jimin bickering about navigation up front helps to distract you from the dread that lingers like a blanket draped over your shoulders. All-in-all, you feel like you’re managing the fallout of your relationship as best as one can—at least when they find their almost-fiancé in bed with another woman. But grieving the loss still means that you’ve barely eaten, barely slept, and it’s not long before you’re dozing off in the backseat, dreaming of college—of sandy brown hair and green eyes.

You wake to Jimin’s hand on your shoulder gently shaking you out of your nap.

“Hey, we’re here.”

You’re on the outskirts of the city, it seems, in front of a squat, gray building that looks almost like a tiny warehouse. Peering up at the neon sign, you read, “Smash City Rage Room?”

“Cool, right?” Jungkook says, leaning against the side of the car.

You can physically feel the lines stretching across your forehead. “I don’t get it. We’re going to…?”

“Break stuff!” He takes your hand to pull you along. “Let’s go!”

You're led into a small, unassuming lobby—flat gray like the outside. Jimin gets you checked in with a burly-looking man behind a desk, who (after you’ve all signed some suspicious-looking release forms) promptly brings the three of you to a back room where you're fitted with protective jumpsuits, helmets, and goggles and instructed to "choose a weapon" from a rack filled with baseball bats and sledgehammers. At this point, Jungkook is practically bouncing out of his skin, the absolute picture of a golden retriever waiting for a ball to be thrown.

"You guys are really trying to distract me by taking me to Kook's version of Disneyland, huh?"

"That depends, is it working?" he says, grasping one of the hammers and weighing it in his hands.

"I'm skeptical but open-minded."

"Perfect!"

He hands you a bat, and your brawny host leads you to your final room—a wide, concrete space with a sturdy table in the middle and piles and piles of objects. Wine glasses, dinner plates, a computer monitor, and even a flat screen TV sit in heaps along the walls amongst some broken shards from previous visitors.

"You're free to smash anything in the room," the muscle man says in a gruff voice, "just no intentional damage to the building's structure. If you need something, you can flag us down through the camera up there," he points to the device in one of the ceiling's corners, "and someone will come check on you. Otherwise, just be safe and have fun. We'll come get you after an hour." Then he's swinging the door shut behind him.

You look blankly at the two men in front of you. "Now what?"

"We smash!" Jungkook says happily, already dragging the flat-screen onto the table. Then, before you can even respond: "Not like that, Y/N. Get your mind out of the gutter." He swings the sledgehammer down onto the TV screen, and it caves in on itself as Jungkook giggles maniacally.

"We thought this might help to let off steam," Jimin says, cracking a smile as he slams his bat into a propped up picture frame. "Try it!"

The two of them watch with wide, expectant eyes as you gingerly pick up a small drinking glass and place it delicately on the table.

"So now I just…?" You halfway lift the baseball bat, peering down at the poor, unassuming glass in front of you.

Jungkook leans forward, eyes eager, gesturing with the hammer in a light swinging motion he's clearly wanting you to mimic.

So you swing, bringing the bat down onto the lip of the glass with a moderate amount of force. It shatters, pieces flying outwards like little slivers of shrapnel.

It feels good.

The guys cheer, and Jimin reaches down to grab a champagne glass, setting it in front of you.

"Now pretend this one is that asshole's balls."

You hesitate, the mention of Jace causing the fist that's been around your heart to squeeze. You're angry with him, sure, fury simmering in your belly even now. But your biggest struggle and the source of all of your pain this week has been wrangling with your lingering feelings. Four years of loving someone are not so easily erased.

But you wish you could wipe it all from your mind.

You wish you could hate him.

"Let it out," Jimin murmurs, as you continue to stare, your hands gripping the bat. "This is the place."

You visualize Jace's face in your mind. His bright green eyes, his crooked smile, the tiny scar on his forehead from when he fell off his bike when he was nine. You can practically hear his voice whispering sweet nothings into your ear.

And then you see him in bed a week ago, his lips pressed to another woman's neck.

The champagne glass explodes like a small bomb into a million tiny crystals.

“That’s what I’m talking about!” Jungkook yells, and it’s then that you realize that you were the one who swung the bat.

Your body is a live wire, pumping with adrenaline and a newfound rage. Before you know it, you don’t even have the patience to pick up the objects and place them on the table. Instead, you’re spinning around in a whirlwind, destroying plates and glasses and small kitchen appliances indiscriminately.

“This is for all of the lies about late nights!”

BOOM.

“This is for the fact that I’ve barely been able to breathe this past week!”

CRASH.

“This is for that dumb-ass crooked smile like he thinks he’s the star of some shitty movie!”

WHAM.

“And this is for that stupid, fucking green jacket.”

You channel all of your anger through the bat—every tear, every minute of lost sleep turned into shards of glass and debris. The tears come at some point, but you barely feel them as you scream out your frustrations, Jimin and Jungkook cheering you on the whole time.

It’s not a magical cure-all by any means, but you do feel a tiny bit of relief ease itself into your shoulders.

An hour later, you embrace both men in the parking lot. “Thank you,” you say, “for everything you guys have been doing for me. I needed this.”

Jimin shrugs like it’s no big deal. “Hey, I owed you for that time when I got passed over for promotion, and you brought me to Bar 613 and paid for all my drinks.”

“I just wanted to smash stuff,” Jungkook teases with a grin, but he rubs playfully at your upper back to let you know he’s kidding.

Jimin’s phone chirps with a notification, and he pulls it out of his pocket, squinting at the screen before muttering, “Hmm, Tae’s not ready yet.”

“Ready for what?” you ask, a feeling creeping in that your day of surprise distractions isn’t quite over.

“You’ll see soon enough.” Jimin’s knowing smile twinkles with mischief. “In the meantime, what do you say we get some ice cream?”

“What do you mean you’re not coming?”

You’d returned from your rage room and ice cream outing only for Jungkook to swing his car into the “No Parking” zone outside the apartment and promptly kick you out to the curb, a pair of impish smiles flashing at you from the front seats.

“We have strict instructions to stay clear of the apartment for the next several hours,” Jimin chimes. “So we’re going to entertain ourselves for a while.”

You narrow your eyes at them, knowing they’re not going to spill but making a feeble attempt anyway. “What did he do?”

“Go find out!” Jimin says, just as Jungkook shouts, “Bye!” and rolls up the window right in your face.

You enter the building with a sigh, swinging the plastic bag from your wrist that holds the takeout container of rocky road that you’d gotten for Taehyung. A part of you wants to be whiny about your friends making such a fuss for you, working so hard to cheer you up, but at the end of the day, you just feel loved. Tomorrow, you may wake up with a hollow chest, your heart scraped out in the middle of the night as it has been for every day the past week, but for now, you let a little flame of happiness warm your insides.

You do hope, though, that Taehyung didn’t go through too much trouble for whatever he has planned for tonight. He’s already spent a majority of the past week hovering, holding you when you cry, and otherwise keeping a close watch on your moods. And in spite of him trying to be subtle, you’ve noticed how he doesn’t close his bedroom door all the way at night so he can listen for you.

He’s a great friend, the best, but the fact that you care about him, too, means that you don’t necessarily want to burden him, don’t want to be the source of his worry.

It sucks that you’re doing a shit job of it.

Probably just a movie night, you think during the elevator ride up. Like we’d do in college.

But when you slip the key into the lock and slide the door open, your heart immediately leaps into your throat, the bag of ice cream almost slipping from your fingers.

The apartment has been positively upended, furniture rearranged, flipped, stacked, and draped with blankets to create a massive pillow fort in the middle of the living room. It has to be almost eight feet tall, and you wonder what the rest of the rooms look like as you spy all three of the guys’ desk chairs incorporated into the structure—clearly, the entire apartment was raided to create this behemoth. Around the dining room and kitchen, dozens of candles have been placed and lit to give the open space an ambient glow, accentuated by the lowering sun dipping down outside the massive windows.

When the door swings itself to latch shut with a soft click, there’s a rustling sound before Taehyung’s head pops out of the fort, and he beams as he comes to stand in front of you.

“What do you think?” he hums as you continue to stare incredulously at the scene behind him. You try to say something, you should say something, but tears begin to flow over your cheeks instead, causing the room to blur and Taehyung to pull you into a hug. “Okay, I have to admit this is the opposite of what I was going for.”

You press a watery chuckle into his chest. “This is incredible,” you gasp, shifting back to look at him.

“I’m glad you think so,” he says. “And that’s not even all. Come look.”

He guides you to the kitchen, where you now notice the counters are littered with all of your favorite comfort foods alongside the snacks you used to share growing up: sugar cookies and popcorn, potato chips and pretzels, brownies and bite-sized chocolates.

“Just like old times. And—“ He lifts the lid off a pot on the stove, and you’re quickly enveloped in the soothing scent of tomatoes and basil. “Spaghetti for dinner.”

It was the first meal you ever made together. In retrospect, the lumpy, acidic sauce you concocted in your parents’ kitchen that day was far from perfect. But at the time, you’d called it the best meal you’d ever eaten, and Taehyung has spent the subsequent years perfecting his own recipe. He doesn’t make it often, but when he does, it’s the perfect blend of nostalgia and warmth.

“And to think, all I brought you was this,” you say sadly, dangling the bag limply from your hand. But Taehyung snatches it from you in a flash, digging in like it’s a Christmas present. When he pulls out the papery white container, he grins like it’s much more than just half-melted ice cream.

“Rocky road?” he asks, smiling even more widely when you nod. “This is amazing, Y/N. Thank you.”

You study him quietly as he puts the ice cream away in the freezer—just to soak in this beautiful, home-shaped human being—and he raises his eyebrows at you when he turns back around.

“What?” he asks, the corners of his mouth twitching like he’s trying to hide yet another smile.

Heat rushes to your cheeks as you glance away. “Nothing.”

But the truth is, standing here in his kitchen, observing his tender movements as he carefully rearranges the snacks on the counter top—it’s the first time in a week that you’ve been able to breathe. And maybe it’s just because it’s been days of suffocating pressure around your chest, but the air pushing through your lungs now feels sweeter, richer as he looks up to capture your gaze again and gently takes your hand in his.

“Come see the inside.”

He pulls you to the mass of furniture and blankets, sweeping back an opening in the fabric to usher you in, and you gasp as he reveals the pillow fort of your childhood dreams.

It’s massive, tall enough for you to stand comfortably in, with wide walls and a tented ceiling that seems to suggest Taehyung has somehow tethered it to the apartment’s actual ceiling. The floor is absolutely packed with pillows, cushions, and heaps of additional blankets, and if you aren’t mistaken, there’s a literal mattress (maybe two?) buried underneath it all.

But the part that has your throat constricting on a sob, tears streaming once again, is the tiny side table he’s placed to the side, your star lamp glowing on top.

“How did—“ you choke, still taking it all in. The fort, the snacks, the lamp. “How did you—?”

“Found the lamp in your closet when we went to get you that bag of clothes.”

“And,” you wave a weak hand at the scene around you, “all of this?”

“Chugged a couple energy drinks,” he chuckles. “And Maya came by for a bit earlier to lend a hand.”

“Tae,” you say, wiping at your cheeks.

“Y/N.”

“This is…” Beautiful. Magical. Extraordinary. No single word seems adequate enough to describe what you’re feeling, his recreation of your childhood tradition to the nth degree tipping you into a state of practical euphoria after the hell of a week you’ve just had. You’d swear you feel like you’re about to combust with the amount of relief that’s flooding through your body in this moment, anger and grief giving way to joy and an overwhelming sense of fondness for the man in front of you.

You never complete your sentence, but Taehyung still seems to grasp your meaning, reaching out to squeeze your fingers one last time in a gesture of acknowledgment and understanding before he simply says, “Let’s eat.”

The two of you gather yourselves heaping bowls of pasta before burrowing into your pillow fortress, backs pressed up against the couch, which is being used to support one side of it.

“How was the rage room?” Taehyung asks, tomato sauce staining his lips.

“Surprisingly cathartic. But…”

“But?”

You rub at your temple before letting your hand fall in a huff. “Temporary. It all is. Every time I think I’m getting a moment to catch my breath, I feel like I’m being punched in the chest a second later.”

“It’s only been a week,” he says. “You’re grieving. It’s going to take time.”

“I don’t want it to though,” you snap, immediately regretting your tone, even though Taehyung looks unfazed. “I just want to turn it off. He did this terrible thing, and I should hate him for it. I want to hate him for it.”

“But you don’t,” Taehyung says, jaw clenching.

Throat swelling, you choke on the words as they find their way out. “I thought I was going to marry him.” The all-too-familiar pressure in your chest rears its head again, suffocating you from the inside. “We had all these plans.” Your breaths turn shallow, coming out in short, rough pants quickly joined by tears that Taehyung rushes to wipe away.

You’ve never known love could hurt like this until now, and for all intents and purposes, Jace was your first real love. You’d had a smattering of boyfriends in high school, but never anything long term until him—nothing that ever made your heart feel like it was going through a shredder, a blender, and a hurricane all at once when it ended. And it’s not just your idea of him or your relationship that you’re mourning, but also the future that you thought you’d have together. The dreams you had dared to dream when you’d traded ideas of rings and children and white picket fences while tangled together in bed.

Sensing an imminent panic attack, Taehyung pulls you into his lap and loops his arms around you, coasting his hands up and down your back in long strokes. He’s done this every time you’ve broken down around him over the past several days, the physical sensation giving you something else to focus on when the thoughts and memories of your now-ex come flooding through the mental barriers you’ve been trying and failing to construct.

You concentrate instead on the ministrations of Taehyung’s hands, the warmth of his large palms resting over your shirt, the glide of his fingers tracing your spine over and over. His fingertips trail up to your neck (inhale) and back down to your sacrum (exhale) on a loop as you clutch the soft fabric of his own shirt. And as the dread looming under your skin begins to ebb away, you notice how your breathing has synced up, pressed chest to chest like you’re two halves of one whole. It’s calming, the light press of his ribcage expanding against yours, and it serves as enough of a distraction to get yourself under control, your feelings stuffed back into their box for the time being.

When you lean back to look at him, his dark brown eyes map your face, steady as ever.

“Better?”

“Better.” You nod weakly. “But life would still be so much easier if love worked like a switch.”

His brow tilts downward a fraction, a touch of melancholy passing over his face. “If only.”

“That makes me an idiot though, right?” you ask. “To still feel for him even after that.”

“No, it makes you human,” Taehyung says, before his expression suddenly turns grave. “Has he contacted you?”

You sniffle, rubbing at your nose. “Nothing besides that one text saying he would clear out of the apartment.”

“Good,” he murmurs. “Listen, I think everything you’re feeling is normal, and you shouldn’t put any pressure on yourself to process it any particular way.” A pink tongue swipes over his bottom lip. “But please, Y/N. Please promise me you’ll never take him back if he asks.”

Truth be told, the thought hadn’t even crossed your mind until now—imagining a teary Jace on your doorstep, begging you to give him just one more chance. In spite of your lingering feelings for him, the image only stirs up a dull rage, disgust burning like acid in your stomach.

“Not a chance,” you say, twining your pinky around his for a brief moment, and he visibly relaxes, leaning back against the couch. “I don’t think I ever want to see him again. But it…it hurts.”

You struggle to pull in a breath that doesn’t want to come, chin dipping down to your chest before Taehyung begins to move. Long fingers reach out to squeeze your hips before nimbly dancing down to your ankles bracketing his legs, where they give you another squeeze. He works his way up your body from there, moving his hands to your knees. Squeeze. Your ribs. Squeeze. Your shoulders. Squeeze. Elbows. Squeeze. Wrists. Squeeze.

He’s pinching each joint of your fingers between the pads of his own when you finally ask, “Tae? What are you doing?”

He doesn’t even look up, zoned in on his task. “Putting you back together.”

“Is that how it works?”

“Yeah, Hobi and Joon have been giving me lessons.”

You snort, and it appears to be the reaction he was hoping for because he beams up at you as you keen forward with laughter until you’re practically sharing breath, faces mere inches apart.

Time freezes; something in the universe shifts.

Your eyes wander over his face, tracing the paths between details that you subconsciously know are there but which you’re not sure you’ve ever truly looked at: the deep brown of his eyes, the mole on the tip of his nose, the plush curve of his lower lip.

He’s beautiful. It’s something you’ve always been aware of—an obvious fact of life in the same way the sky is blue—but you’re also lucky enough to know that his beauty goes beyond a handsome face. It’s also in the way his eyes crinkle when he laughs with his whole body, the way he always carries crackers in his bag for photo shoots at the park so he can toss some to the ducks.

The way he’ll upend his entire apartment to help heal your broken heart.

Artificial stars dance around the fabric walls like fireflies as you become hyperaware of how his hands have drifted back to your hips, barely there but warm. It’s soothing, you think, to be held between the boundaries of his palms, as if nothing and no one can touch you here. But it’s always been that way, hasn’t it? He’s always been your primary source of comfort, your north star at every turn, propping you up within the safety of your own little world like he does now.

His warmth is a siren’s song that has you shifting closer, your hands sliding from his chest to his shoulders, when his grip on your hips suddenly tightens as he breathes out your name.

“Mmm?”

“We have snacks to get to.”

The bubble pops as Taehyung shifts you off his lap, darting away to the kitchen. You, however, stay firmly rooted to your spot in the blanket fort; your mind whirs, an unfamiliar tingling sensation gently working its way through your nerve endings and making your stomach dip. It’s not at all unpleasant, but you don’t know what to make of it, thoughts turning without reaching any kind of foregone conclusion until Taehyung ducks back under the blanket and into your space, arms overflowing with snack bags.

He smiles at you and your stomach dips again.

But your mind quiets.

He’s your person, you think. Undoubtedly now more than ever as he settles back down next to you like the rock he’s always been.

“Story time?” he murmurs, the light passing across his face as he hands you a bag of your favorite chips. You gently place it in your lap without opening it, still jittery from the way he held you only seconds ago. Watching you with hooded eyes, he frowns at your lack of movement, the way your fingers have stilled on the plastic. “Something wrong?”

“No,” you say, sitting up straighter so he doesn’t feel like you’re ignoring him. “Wouldn’t be a blanket fort without a story, right?”

If you didn’t know any better, you’d say the light on the walls is now radiating from Taehyung himself as he launches into a clearly premeditated narrative about a princess and her devoted, best friend of a knight. After being betrayed by a prince from a neighboring realm, the two embark on an epic journey to restore their own kingdom, traversing mountains and crossing oceans together to retrieve the enchanted crown jewel that the thieving prince had stolen away. Another handsome and charming prince captures the princess’s heart during their adventure, and, once her power is restored, the two marry in the most beautiful and romantic ceremony the kingdom has ever seen.

“And they live happily ever after,” Taehyung says with a flourish. He reaches over to steal a handful of potato chips before slipping a hand behind his head and settling deeper into the mattress. You frown down at him.

“But what about the knight?”

He slides a potato chip between his lips, lifting a dark eyebrow in confusion. “What about him?”

“Where’s his happily ever after?” you ask, almost annoyed on the fictional character’s behalf. “He climbed a mountain and fought a dragon for her. What did the prince do? Just stand there and look hot?”

His expression changes, eyes widening in subtle surprise. “It’s not his story.”

“But—“

“It’s not his story, Y/N.”

He says it with finality, so you drop it, left to grumble internally about what you feel was an unjust ending for the caring and loyal knight.

It was a sweet tale, but you can’t help but think that you would’ve written it differently.

The return to work isn't as bad as you anticipated. Your boss, Jia, noticing your frayed nerves, has been easing you back in slowly with a handful of softball projects just to get you going again. As much as you think you needed that week to cry and wallow, it feels good to get back to some form of normalcy and have work to focus on and keep your mind off of things as much as you can.

The shadows linger though, anxiety grabbing hold of your chest every time you remember you'll be going home to a different apartment that night instead of the one you shared with Jace.

Jimin's been joining you for lunch every day, hanging around outside the office cafeteria before you get there like he's staking you out. You call him out for it on Thursday, and he looks sheepishly down at the table with a nervous chuckle.

"I kinda promised Tae I'd make sure you eat."

"Of course," you sigh. Taehyung's been getting up early every morning to cook both of you breakfast, insisting that it's part of his normal routine.

He forgets that you used to live together, and you know he's more of a granola bar guy in the morning, eager to get himself out the door and moving as soon as possible.

"You're all doing too much for me," you murmur. "You shouldn't have to babysit me like—"

"We don't have to do anything," Jimin says forcefully. "We want to be there for you. We do these things because we care about you."

"I know, but I just…" You swallow hard. "I don't want you all to see me as this broken thing that you need to protect."

Jimin's whole demeanor softens, and he reaches across the table to take your hand. You'd be worried about how this looks—two coworkers holding hands at lunch—if you didn't feel the tears welling up again, the urge to cry sticking itself in your throat like molasses as you try to choke it down.

"Y/N, that's not what we think," he says softly. "You're our friend. And you're hurting. And after the trauma you went through, it's perfectly understandable for you to need a little more attention and care than usual. Honestly, if anything, I'm worried that you seem to be taking things better than expected, and I think that's because you're trying to put a brave face on for us sometimes."

He’s not off-base. Especially after your Distraction Day, you've been doing your best these past few days to bottle everything down so your friends don't worry as much, taking your time to cry in the shower or quietly at night when everyone else is asleep.

"All I'm saying is that you can lean on us. That's what we're here for. And if your tough face can't fool me, you're definitely not fooling Tae. Let him help before he goes crazy with worry.”

Honestly, relying on Tae has been the least of your problems, even though you’re a little concerned about how he’s been waking up earlier than usual for you. That man has been your rock for years, and receiving comfort from him is almost second-nature at this point. It’s how the two of you operate. Everyone else, however…

“I’m fine with Tae,” you tell him. “But I’ve never felt this…vulnerable around the rest of you. It used to just be Tae and I, hiding away from our problems in my room, and now—“

“You have us!” He beams. “That’s a beautiful thing, Y/N, can’t you see? You’re not alone anymore. Not you, not Tae. You have us. All of us. We’re going to get you through this. And if you need a silver lining, I don’t know that I’ve ever seen Jungkook and Maya this united against a common enemy before. I could’ve sworn I heard them the other night trying to figure out the best way to slash Jace’s tires without getting caught.”

“Don’t make me cry at work,” you say, blinking furiously to try and clear the sudden moisture from your eyes. “I think Jia is already prepared to send me home if I don’t stop sounding like I’m learning how to breathe for the first time.”

He laughs gently, giving your hand a squeeze before relinquishing it. “It’s going to get better, Y/N. I know I just called you our friend, but really, we’re family.”

The summer presses on in a haze as you focus on just getting through one day, one step at a time: get out of bed, go to work, come home, shower, try to get a few hours of fitful sleep, eat somewhere in between all of that. And before you know it, an entire month has passed.

Taehyung continues to make you breakfast every morning and insists on taking you to your favorite ramen place at least twice a week for dinner, watching you with concerned eyes from across the table. You’d give him shit for it if his worry didn’t feel so justified. If he wasn’t so persistent in making sure your base needs were being met, you’re not entirely sure you can say you wouldn’t be starving yourself in grief. And you know it makes him feel better to see you eating—how happy it makes him to care for others—so you don’t resist when he pushes an extra pancake onto your plate or orders you a second helping of noodles to go.

It’s one of your scheduled ramen nights when you get back from work a little later, a particularly emotional day preventing you from getting your tasks done on time. You drop your bag in the living room with a sigh, thankful that no one is around to ask you how your day was—you’re really not in the mood. Taehyung had sent you a text letting you know that he wanted to take a shower before you head out, needing one after a long day of photographing clients in the baking July heat. You can hear water running in the bathroom, so you assume he must still be in there.

The living room makes you feel vulnerable with its vaulted ceiling and tall windows, like you’re laid bare for the whole world to see. Because of this, you decide to wait for Taehyung in his bedroom, hopeful that you might be able to find some reprieve in his tucked-away space.

You’ve been in Taehyung’s room before, of course, but you’re not sure that you’ve ever taken the time to really peruse. Unlike Jace, Taehyung’s space is neatly organized, and you’re first drawn to the large bookcase that dominates the wall adjacent to the door. He’s stuffed it full of art anthologies: Van Gogh, Renoir, Monet, and Pollock giving way to old photography textbooks on the bottom shelves. About halfway down, you spot the bound collection of his own work that you’d had made for him as a college graduation gift (you got one for yourself too, and he’d blushed beautifully when you asked him to sign it).

Across the room, his bed is carefully made, dark bedding tucked cleanly under the mattress. In place of a nightstand and opposite the dresser, he’s set up a series of box shelves for his photography equipment—you spot lenses and tripods placed alongside gadgets you would have no idea how to use. His desk sits to the left, an impressive PC setup backed by a large cork-board brimming with post-it notes, business cards, and a photograph that has you stopping in your tracks.

The first photograph Taehyung ever took.

It’d been the spring right after you both turned sixteen, and Taehyung had finally saved up enough money from his newspaper job to buy his first camera at the secondhand shop. You’d gone along, bouncing up and down with excitement for him so vigorously that the shopkeeper kept giving you strange looks over the counter.

New toy in hand, Taehyung pulled you to the park, where the cherry blossoms were in full bloom—clusters of pastel pink contrasting wonderfully against the bright blue sky. You bought yourselves some kkwabaegi at a nearby food stall as Taehyung sat on a bench figuring out how to operate the camera. Distracted by the numerous dials and buttons, he didn’t even realize you had returned until you dusted his cheek with a bit of cinnamon sugar, teasing that his cheeks were just as fluffy as the donut you subsequently handed him with a smile.

Snacks finished, you strolled along the petal covered path, chatting about everything and nothing as Taehyung continued to fiddle with the controls.

“Are you going to be able to figure it out?” you asked, skipping ahead to pluck a wildflower out of the grass after several minutes had passed without him taking a single photo.

“Actually, I think I’ve just got it.”

“Really?” you said, turning around to face him and freezing at the sound of a click and the sight of the camera held at the ready in front of his face. His grin was full of mischief as he dropped his arms at your stunned look, and you rushed back to his side to give him a joking shove. “I wasn’t ready, you jerk. I’m going to look like an idiot.”

But Taehyung was still smiling widely, already striding down the path to line up his next shot. “Don’t worry. You looked perfect.”

You’d forgotten about the photograph after that day, as Taehyung never actually showed it to you. You figured that it probably didn’t turn out right, a blurry candid, and was scrapped. Now, looking at it, it’s not his best work, but it’s not nearly as bad as you’d pictured in the moment.

It’s you, backdropped by the pink of the blossoms, with delicate petals dancing around your form. Your eyes are bright and eager as you turn to face him, the corners of your lips upturned in the beginnings of a smile and the small purple flower raised halfway to your chest.

In spite of the struggles you know you were dealing with at home, you look content. Happy.

“Oh, you’re home.”

You jump, spinning around to face where Taehyung suddenly stands just inside the doorway, and you feel something flip low in your belly.

It’s not that you’ve never seen him shirtless—years of going to the beach house together have taken care of that—but here, in the low, intimate light of his bedroom, the sight of his mostly naked body strikes you in a way that it never has before. The veins in his arms and hands pop from the heat of the shower, skin tanned by his time spent outdoors. His dark hair is still wet and, as if on cue, a drop of water falls off the end of a ringlet, your eyes following as it rolls over sharp collarbones, down a toned chest and smooth stomach, and into the towel sitting low on his hips.

Taehyung clears his throat, and one look at his flushed face tells you that your perusal of his torso hasn’t gone unnoticed.

Why are you even looking?

“I—uh—sorry,” you mumble, snapping out of your trance also flustered, words spilling out in a jumble of unexpected nerves. “I had a rough day and just felt so exposed in the living room, and if Jimin or Kook showed up and asked me how I was, I was going to lose it so I came in here as a distraction, and I promise I wasn’t trying to snoop or anything—“

“Y/N, hey.” He crosses the room to where you stand, smiling gently down at you. “I don’t mind.”

You swallow, still looking for something to distract from the fact that you were very obviously just checking him out. “You still have this?” You point at the photo of yourself, and he looks at it, expression overcome with sentimentality.

“Yeah.”

“A reminder of how far you’ve come with your work?”

He turns his eyes back to yours, slow and warm as they settle on you. “A reminder of a perfect day,” he says, voice low, before creases form at his brow. “But your day wasn’t so good?”

Your gaze drops to the floor, and you suck your lips between your teeth in a gesture that is answer enough for him.

“Do you want to talk about it?”

He doesn’t push; never pushes. If you told him no, you know that’d be the end of it, and he’d spend the rest of your night together coming up with different threads of conversation to divert your attention. And perhaps it’s this awareness—his consistent and mindful respect of your boundaries—that makes you so willing to open up.

“I just can’t stop asking myself if I missed signs. If I could’ve done something different. Something better.”

“Y/N—“

“We were together four years, Tae. Four fucking years.” You pull in a breath, fighting off the stinging of tears in your eyes. “And in the end, I meant next to nothing to him.”

It’s the part you’ve been struggling with the most, how you gave him years of your life—nearly half of your twenties—and let him dig his fingers into your heart only to pull it apart like clay.

Revealed bits of yourself to him that you’ve only ever showed one other person.

That man stands in front of you now, gently scrutinizing your face as he considers your words. His hands drift your way as if of their own accord, hovering into your space without ever truly touching.

“Would you want to though?” he finally asks.

“What?”

“If you could’ve done something differently. Knowing what you know now.” A pink tongue darts out to lick his lips. “Would you?”

It’s a fair question, and you know what the right answer is supposed to be. You’re supposed to say that no, that son of a bitch can burn in hell for what he did. He’s trash, you can do better—all of the empty platitudes that are supposed to be expressed when a betrayal like this takes place.

But his actions don’t erase the years you spent together. Don’t mean that what you yourself felt wasn’t real.

And you loved him. You really did.

“I don’t know.”

Taehyung doesn’t exactly seem thrilled by that but nods nonetheless, his fingers wandering back to his sides to fidget with the edges of his towel. “You must know that none of it was your fault, though.”

“But if it was?” you question. “If I could’ve been a better girlfriend, a better partner—“

“It still wouldn’t have justified what he did.” There’s an edge to his voice now, a hint of anger. “Don’t you dare let that asshole make you feel like you deserved it.”

“But—“

“No. No buts,” he says roughly, hands shooting up to grip you around the elbows. “What he did is inexcusable. There’s no making sense of it, and there’s no one to blame but him.”

You know in your heart that what he says is true, but your newfound insecurities have had you questioning your sense of self—that maybe you had a part to play in what happened. A relationship is two people after all, maybe he wouldn’t have cheated if you had—

“You did nothing wrong,” Taehyung continues, reading your mind. “He made an active choice to sleep with someone else. If he had an issue with your relationship, he had a hundred other ways to approach it. He chose to do what he did.” His hands slide up to your shoulders, appraising. “You are kind and thoughtful. Fiercely loyal. Always want what’s best for those around you. You still get breathless for the first snowfall each winter and make the most delicious triple chocolate cake.” Fingers give you a gentle squeeze. “And you never take shit from anyone. Especially people who don’t give you the respect you deserve.”

His words are a balm sinking deep into your skin, but his voice sets something alight in your core, your veins thrumming at the spots where he holds you.

What in the world is this?

“Don’t let him convince you you’re anything less than the incredible person you are,” Taehyung continues, oblivious to your perplexed state. “And if he couldn’t value that, someone else will. Lots of other fish in the sea.”

He holds your stare, gaze boring into you like he can telepathically eliminate every doubt and insecurity rattling around your skull, and a stray voice at the back of your mind thinks that whichever woman eventually gets to wake up to those eyes every morning is going to be so damn lucky.

He frowns, licking his lips again as he finally notices that you’re not altogether with him. “Are you okay?”

Y/N, what the hell?

You give yourself a little shake, playing back what he just said. “I don’t know about that.”

“You’re not okay?”

“No,” you say, taking a step back so you can loosen his grip and clear your head. “About the whole fish thing. I kind of get it now.”

He’s clearly not following. “Get what?”

“Your break from dating,” you say. “Why you wanted to stop for a while.”

He raises a long finger to rub at his bottom lip. “That’s…not quite the same.”

“Why not?”

“There were…” He tilts his head as he considers his word choice, and another drop of water slides down his chest. “Underlying circumstances.”

Now it’s your turn to be confused. “What the hell does that mean?”

“It means it’s a story for another time when you’re not trying to deflect by turning this around on me.”

“I’m not deflecting,” you argue. “I’m just saying I understand where you’re coming from now. Dating sucks. People suck.”

He chews at the inside of his lip, studying you. “That wasn’t my intention when I told you that.”

“Yeah, well when you told me that, we didn’t know that my boyfriend was fucking another woman,” you scoff.

He sighs at your crude reminder. “There is a third option, you know.”

“What’s that?”

“Just let yourself be,” he says. “You don’t need to rush into anything either way. If something happens, it happens. If not, then no pressure to look for it. But maybe don’t close yourself off from opportunities entirely just because one bastard made a terrible decision.”

“Tae,” you begin with an exhausted, rattling breath. But he cuts you off, already anticipating your protest.

“I just know you, and I know you’ve always believed in love. Dreamed of finding ‘the one’ and settling down.” He wrinkles his nose. “Made that whole wedding mood board after Haneul kissed you for the first time when we were fifteen.”

That makes you laugh. “Hey, you helped me cut out the pictures.”

“I did.”

You look at each other for an instant, twin smiles reflected on your faces before yours falls. “I just don’t know.”

“And that’s fine,” he says kindly, gently. “It’s okay to need time, and it’s okay to want to step away from dating for a while. It would just be awful if he ruined that part of you, you know?” His voice lowers even further. “It’s a wonderful part of you.”

You feel warm all over, like the comfiest, fluffiest blanket has been draped around your shoulders.

Honestly, what would you even do without this man?

“You’re a great guy, Tae. Do you know that?”

He blushes, Adam’s apple bobbing as he swallows, and a tingle runs down your spine before he finally looks away.

“We should get going,” he tells you. “Namjoon and Hobi said they’d meet us.”

You dip your head, the moment gone. “Okay, but I’d recommend putting on some pants first.”

His face turns a deeper shade of red.

“Over here!”

Hoseok waves you down from a table at the back of the restaurant, pulling you in for a hug once you get there, just as he has every time he’s seen you since the incident with Jace. You’re then passed along to Namjoon, who embraces you with almost bone-crushing pressure.

“I’m so sorry,” he murmurs, swaying you side-to-side. You just nod into his chest, giving him a tight squeeze before he releases you so you can slide into the seat next to Taehyung.

Aside from the hugs and the fact that the entire dinner is a ploy by Taehyung to get you to eat, the night feels relatively normal, and you’re grateful for it. Hoseok and Namjoon dramatically complain about the perils of medical school, regaling the two of you with stories about catastrophic anatomy labs and exam mishaps to your and Taehyung’s delight. The first blip comes when Hoseok absent-mindedly mentions an all-nighter of studying for boards while simultaneously working on seating arrangements before he immediately cuts himself off, throwing you a remorseful look.

“It’s fine, Hobi,” you say. “The world doesn’t just stop because my relationship did. And I’m still excited for you and Sunny.”

He nods but still looks apologetic, causing Namjoon to hop in with a change of subject. “Oh, by the way, I have my roommate situation settled.”

“Yeah?”

“Uh-huh, I’m moving in with my friend Yoongi at the end of the summer.”

“Your childhood friend?” Taehyung asks.

“That’s the one,” Namjoon confirms with a nod. “We’re planning on having a little housewarming party once we’re settled if you’ll be up for it.”

“Sounds fun,” you say. “And I’d like to meet him.”

“He’s a great guy. Musician. He’s moving into the city for work.”

“Well if you vouch for him, I’m sure he’s wonderful.”

You don’t notice it, but Namjoon gets a glint in his eye. Sipping on his water, he glances between you and Taehyung before saying, “Speaking of great guys, I’d also like to introduce you to someone.”

Taehyung stills beside you; you freeze in equally stunned silence.

Hoseok’s eyes nervously dart to Taehyung then you as he says, “Ah, Namjoon, I don’t think—“

“If you’re up for it, of course.” Namjoon looks only at you, his tone casual as if he doesn’t notice the sudden tension. “He also just got out of a long-term relationship and is kind of a mess about it. I’m thinking it might do both of you good to get back out there in a low pressure situation, especially with someone who understands.”

“I…” You don’t know what to say. You’d meant what you said to Taehyung about taking a break from dating, but you also trust Namjoon. He wouldn’t set you up with a creep, and maybe he does have a point about a low pressure date to at least take that first step.

But isn’t it too soon? You and Jace were together for years, and it’s only been a little over a month. Are you supposed to take more time? Or should you just get that first date over with? It hits you suddenly that you don’t even know how to meet people now that you’re out of school. How do capital-A Adults even find dates? Maybe it would be better to meet up with someone that’s already been vetted by one of your friends instead of some random on a dating app.

Namjoon speaks up again as your mind spins. “It’s entirely up to you. I can give you his number, and if you decide to reach out, great. If not, no harm, no foul.”

Still undecided, you turn for a second opinion. “Tae, what do you think?”

But he’s staring intently at Namjoon, expression indecipherable. Namjoon finally shifts his attention from you to engage in an intense staring contest with Taehyung across the table, the two of them clearly having some kind of silent conversation while Hoseok looks on in obvious discomfort.

You’re sitting there—just trying to figure out what the hell is going on—when Taehyung abruptly faces you, slipping a hand over your knee.

“I think you should go for it.”

His eyes are sincere, his hand hot where it rests on your skin.

“Other fish in the sea, right?”

You blink at him. Well, that’s that then. If there’s anything in the world you have complete faith in, it’s that Taehyung would never lead you astray.

Turning back to Namjoon, you shift so Taehyung’s fingers fall away. “What’s his name?”

Namjoon smiles.

“Seokjin.”

a/n: the next two parts are my favorite, and part 4 is already around 85% written so i'll be looking to get that out asap! in the meantime, please consider leaving a like, reblog, or feedback!

taglist is open!

#taehyung x reader #taehyung x you #taehyung fluff #taehyung angst #bts x reader #bts x you #bts imagines #taehyung imagines #taehyung fic #taehyung fanfic #bts fluff #bts angst #taehyung #bts fic #bts fanfic

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themightymoose · 2 months

Text

Frenemies

So is this photo was from when Zoe first joined the pet shop

So is Zoe the last one to join

And if so, how much has passed since then. Because she looks like the same age

AND PENNY

WHO JOINED LAST

STOP DISPROVING MY HEADCANONS DAMMIT

Okay so it would be one year ago Penny joined The Squad

My headcanons 🥺

imma ignore canon >:)

Pepper and Zoe being so excited for her

Penny's just like "No, bitch they're gonna kill each other."

Blythe brushing Penny

Vinnie being excited about Penny's party

Vinnie middle name is Alfonso?

Huh

Vinnie almost fucking died

They all look so traumatized

He is legit scarred for life

"I think you look pretty cute without your tail, Vinnie!" :)

What parents Sunil? What are you talking about sir

Uh oh

Blythe is like "Well this is awkward. :/"

Guys your hyperfixations aren't Penny's hyperfixation

"And we all get a pie that we can throw at Zoe!" "WhAT-" damn 💀

Girlie just got shot into another dimension

Which is a reoccurring theme of this show

"I look terrible in lilac." NO YOU DON'T SUNIL

Russell looks so snazzy

"And then we have the skunk dunking booth where we can dunk Pepper!" "WHAT-"

The shaaaaadddeee

"Okay that's kinda funny actually-" at least she's taking it like a champ

Pepper's middle name is Mildred 💀

Yeah she seems like a Mildred to me

The fellas are just so silly :)

What's Minka doing during this

Buttercream just comes from out of nowhere

The awkward tension

They should just kiss me thinks

Pepper is so shit at lying

Russell trying to give confidence in his mongoose bf <3

Vinnie's cranky

Oh hi Minka

SUNIL'S MOTHER AND FATHER?????

I'm so confused

Vinnie drew the Mona Lisa

Vinnie is going through fucking hell right now

How the fuck did she get that hay bale inside

They're laughing so passive aggressively

Blythe has no idea does she

Vinnie is so sad he can't perform a dance for Penny

Blythe giving Vinnie some encouragement

Vinnie's so happy

Pepper just got flung into the wall

Damn hit a nerve there

Vinnie breaking them up to make the conversation about him

King

"HE'LL DANCE AT MY PARTY!"

They are so confused

Minka and Vinnie only joining Zoe's party for the food

Relatable

Sunil and Russell giggling

Damn this is awkward 💀

Did Zoe just flirt with Penny

Got some smooth moves I'll give her that

You can tell that even though they're literally about to kill each other they truly do love Penny

And I think that's beautiful

Penny feels like a child of divorce rn

The girls are fiiiggghhhtinnnngggg

I think the fire hydrant house night be everyone's comfort place

"Okay, you two. You're grounded."

They all probably think Zoe and Pepper are Blythe's favorites

"Blythe that's fucking stupid."

Okay this is so sweet I'll get cavities

They're sharing their feelings

Pepper and Zoe were just jealous of each other

Please excuse me while I rewatch this scene five hundred times

Now kiss

Did they forget Penny exists

I do too sometimes

Mostly with Minka though

Sunil is so happy for Vinnie

Penny and Vinnie's friendship means so much to me I love them

Vinnie's showing off his vocals right now

YESSSSSS GET IT KINGGGGG 😩😩😩😩😩😩

#moose liveblogs lps 2012 #lps #lps 2012 #littlest pet shop #littlest pet shop 2012

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acepandemi · 1 month

Text

Tw: phobias, dentist

I'm currently considering the sheer annoyance that comes with developing a phobia later in life.

Like, I was able to do this Thing for years without issue, and now I suddenly can't anymore? What kind of nonsense is this?

It's the dentist, in my case. For 30 years I had no issue whatsoever going to the dentist, not even a hint of nervousness or apprehension. Which was a good thing, as I have problem teeth (prone to cavities and refusing to grow straight) and needed a LOT of dental work over the years. I've had more cavities filled than I can count, had three different kinds of braces in my early teens (including the external kind, fun times), still have retainers (which have broken twice so far), had a root canal treatment once and even had two of my wisdom teeth removed (I only have/had three and the third refuses to descend, but that also means it doesn't cause issues... yet). No problem at all. Easy peasy lemon sqeezy.

And now I can't even look up some info on my dentist's web page without having the worst panic attack in years? What the flippin' flip?

I've had arachnophobia (fear of spiders) all my life, never really put any thought into it, it was just a part of me. But this, this is something different. It's just happening and getting worse, and yeah there's anxiety and tears and stress.

But it's also just so, so annoying!!! It's just the dentist! The dentist is nice, the dentist is there to help you, going to the dentist has never been a problem ever, and now suddenly it is? This is just stupid!

And the worst part is, it's not even anyones fault. Nobody did anything wrong, The Incident was just sheer dumb luck, but it somehow ruined everything.

(I needed yet another cavity filled about two years ago, and for some reason the anesthetic stopped working mid-procedure. They gave me two more doses, which didn't make any difference, and couldn't give me anymore because, you know, health concerns. But they had to finish the filling, they couldn't send me home with a gaping hole in my tooth. Everyone was so nice and apologetic, but that didn't help because it hurt. So. Bad. I was literally screaming in the chair [think I traumatized a few people in the waiting room that day]. Filling did get finished and I was sent home with so many apologies, and I really don't hold it against the dentist or anyone else, or even dentists in general. But, as is usually the case with me, there was a delayed reaction.)

And now I apparently have a phobia of the dentist. I get tense before my appointments, I've had meltdowns in The Chair because everything about the dentist is now triggering, I've even nearly hit the poor dentist, who is a very nice woman and didn't deserve that. because she startled me with a piece of equipment I was unfamiliar with (she didn't know that, fight or flight response kicked in). Last time the dental hygienist couldn't finish cleaning my teeth because I couldn't take it anymore and had a panic attack. And I've already re-scheduled my latest periodical check-up twice because the thought of going gives me such bad anxiety.

I never used to be like this, and I can't stand it! I wonder if this is how Mum felt after she developed claustrophobia?

(Yes, I know I need to deal with this. I've discussed it with my counselor and we're looking into options. There's apparently a specialized dentist/therapist sort of person at the local hospital that she accompanies another client to that might be able to help. I've already switched dentists when I moved back to my hometown, so that's not the solution.)

I just needed to vent about my annoyance with the situation. I never realized that particular emotion could be involved with developing a phobia.

#health stuff #mental health #venting #phobias #dentist #fear of the dentist #dentophobia #odontophobia

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courfeyracs-swordcane · 7 months

Note

for alonzo -

alone: How does your OC deal with loneliness? Have they ever been completely alone before? How do they act when there's no one around to see them?

betrayal: Has your OC ever been betrayed by someone they thought they could trust? Has your OC ever betrayed someone who trusted them?

failure: What's your OC's greatest failure? Have they been able to move past it? Does anyone else know about it?

guilt: What is your OC guilty about? How do they handle their guilt? Do they try to avoid guilt, or do they accept it?

heartbreak: Have they ever had a relationship that ended badly? Experienced some other kind of heartbreak? What happened?

mask: Does your OC wear a mask, literally or figuratively? What goes on beneath it? Is there anyone in their life who gets to see who they are under the mask?

alone: How does your OC deal with loneliness? Have they ever been completely alone before? How do they act when there's no one around to see them?

Lonely is kind of his base state of being— he’s convinced himself that he just Does Better Doing His Own Thing but like. He was never really given a choice in that? He’s been on his own since he was 14 and he doesn’t know how to hang out with people or initiate conversations. His ass goes to work and goes home and he does NOT have friends at work. He hangs out with his boss (on the job) and his sister (on the clock)(when he’s supposed to be doing his job) and That’s It. (Ari is an outlier and an exception he was drunk and wanted to try something new)

Which is kind of sending me bc when he’s alone alone in his apartment he loops back through his. Bitchass little gayboy liar who you do NOT have a handle on the way you think you do mode that he becomes with his Guys back around to being a Model Employee and generally Really Boring Guy who lives for work. Contributed to by the fact that his work owns his apartment and his groceries and the clothes on his back, and also this is technically a hostage situation, so he doesn’t have so much of a choice, but like damn he really gets all of his rebellion out on the clock and then just. Goes home to clean his uniform and sit in his room in silence before going to bed at like 9:30 so he can get a good start in the morning. Maybe gets ahead on his paperwork if he’s got any to do.

He’s fundamentally just Not A Very Rebellious Guy?? Not that he doesn’t have a pretty big streak of it in him, but if he’s left to his own devices he’ll literally just follow whatever orders he has and do very little else.

betrayal: Has your OC ever been betrayed by someone they thought they could trust? Has your OC ever betrayed someone who trusted them?

BOY HOWDY!!!! Okay so not so much betrayal but hot damn this guy sure can abandonment issues!!!

Incident/betrayal #1: he’s 14 years old and his big sister who’s been looking out for him since he three, who he looks up to more than anyone, turns 18 and immediately dips to go join the metaphorical army, figuring he’s old enough to look after himself now and doesn’t need her anymore. Forgets to say goodbye or give any indication of where she’s going besides the fact that she’d been talking about doing this for months. (Alonzo does not see this as a problem for another ~ten years. That’s Kyrie! whatever she does is Right and more importantly Cool!)(<— top ten guys who needs therapy)

Incident/betrayal #2 (other direction): uh. So his chest cavity gets exploded on the job and he goes back to work three days after being brought back to life, and within a week his direct supervisor (and also mentor)(but they don’t know that part), the only person he talks to on anything approaching a daily basis, guy who’s been covering his back for the last ~5 years puts in their two week notice and fucks off to go hang out with his sister and try to bring down the government.

Incident/betrayal #3 (Alonzo’s turn this time!): To cope with that, (and also to avoid confronting the fact that when he died It Had Way More Of An Effect On People Than He Thought It Would), his stupid ass throws himself ENTIRELY into his job at the Hunt His Sister And Co (which now includes both his boyfriend and his mentor) For Sport Company, and he gets himself transferred from the hunt those guys for sport department (position which he had been using as an excuse to go hang out) to the Personal Security For His Boyfriend’s Dad (Who Those Guys Are Actively Trying To Assassinate) department, which. Hoo boy howdy. Hits Kyrie pretty god damn hard in her Massive Well Of Alonzo-Related Guilt, both bc they had finally managed to get close enough that he went to her house (!!) when he had a problem (very small delayed action grenade between his ribs) instead of anywhere else (his job) AND because now that means if they do wind up somehow in a position to go through with assassinating that guy she’s gonna have to choose between her revenge and her baby brother. (She’s not the one who winds up there— his mentor is the one who winds up kicking his ass)(as related to the next question, there’s a reason Alonzo never got promoted to being the organization’s special little mascot guy/diversity hire when Kyrie quit and the position opened up. Part of it is they’re not putting any more Ballad brothers into any more important positions after the KyrieAleidis Ballad Incident but the other part of it is that he’s just straight up not really good enough at the job for that. An can kick his ass without even breaking a sweat.)

failure: What's your OC's greatest failure? Have they been able to move past it? Does anyone else know about it?

I mean one of the other defining things about him is his failure to live up to the example Kyrie set in literally any way shape or form (this is a good thing) despite his best efforts due to them being VERY different people. Alonzo was NOT cut out for this shit he would be so much happier doing literally anything else. He’s kind of the only one who does not see it that way and his ass is probably not gonna able to move past it without quitting his job and trying something else which he can’t do because his job owns his apartment and his groceries and the clothes on his back. So he’s just kind of fucked 👍

guilt: What is your OC guilty about? How do they handle their guilt? Do they try to avoid guilt, or do they accept it?

OH BOY!!! He actually doesn’t have that much guilt, especially compared to some of these other guys? He’s like. Aware that he is NOT on the right side of history here, that the company/arm of gov’t he works for is Not Good and is Not Doing Good Things for the people of the citystate and is in fact generally doing a lot of Bad. But also like that’s not his problem he just works there. He’s got bigger issues. He’s in the individual murders department not the police brutality department what do you want him to do?

heartbreak: Have they ever had a relationship that ended badly? Experienced some other kind of heartbreak? What happened?

WELL! Not a romantic relationship, bc he’s had one (1) of those ever, but again the bit where Kyrie dipped on him when he was 14 to go join the metaphorical army I think counts pretty solidly as heartbreaking for him. Also scifantasy 9/11 did not go well for him but that’s a whole other can of worms

mask: Does your OC wear a mask, literally or figuratively? What goes on beneath it? Is there anyone in their life who gets to see who they are under the mask?

YEAH BABEYYYYYY!!! Top ten guys who does a lot to avoid being perceived EVER. Hang on wait I can make a meme

#THANK YOU WYATT I WOULD DIE FOR YOU #anyway god doesn’t love this freak but I do #I think he’s funny and there’s things wrong with him #also apparently according to my boyfriend he’s babygirl. so. take that as you will #Alonzo ballad brothers #also god Damn ballad brothers really is about the Bay Area housing crisis isn’t it

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nagalias-mindscape · 1 year

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Can’t sleep. Must write. So, have a(two) little blurb(s) from the fanfic I’m writing. Except it’s currently all crack spin offs like Iceberg meeting the Scarlet King (which may actually become canon. I don’t know, yet. Same with this thing, depending. I really haven’t decided.)

This one is two snippets for Iceberg’s (second) meeting with 682. This is unedited because it’s 2:45 AM for me and I’m too tired to make it pretty and fancy and coherent. Yucky tired editing, boo-hiss!

Iceberg knew that 682 could talk, but he was not expecting the voice. Deep and gravelly. Hoarse. Something about it faintly echoed in the back of Icebergs head, filling him with a feeling of disjointed dread. Of the first dregs of hopelessness mixed with the beginning embers of fury, with an undertone of something physically unpleasant. Like bugs crawling over every inch of his skin. Like trying to breathe through heavy wool.

Iceberg ignored it much like he ignored most of his problems and pulled on his anomaly to be rid of the unnatural feeling. Why bother with the useless distractions when he could instead ignore it simply by making it disappear? It perhaps wasn’t the most healthy of options and Dr. Glass was going to give Iceberg that very pointed frowning glare of his when he learned of this, but he could afford the intentional misuse of his anomaly for this meeting if it kept him from feeling weird things and turning tail.

Wouldn’t that just be embarrassing- turning tail on a meeting he had requested. He really was stupid, wasn’t he?

“Yes… I remember you.” 682 seemed… for the lack of a better word, amused. “Has the Foundation come to try another useless attempt at ending my existence? Ha!” 682 barked out a laugh, and Iceberg felt a sea of something molten momentarily flood his senses before it was hungrily devoured by the ever-growing abyssal cavity of ice inside of him. “As amusing as it is, surely even they grow tired of all the failures?”

“I imagine so,” Iceberg nodded his head, “but I’m not here to kill you. I actually wanted to talk if you were up for it.”

682 made a sound that was like a mix of a wheezing laugh and distained huff. It would have been impressive if not for the sneering growl that came after it and the quicker-than-a-blink lunge that followed immediately afterwards.

Iceberg, being the snow-apocalypse poorly bound in human flesh that he is, simply let his senses expand and melded into the abyssal cold that has been clawing at his existence ever since he obtained his anomalous abilities. The literal explosion of snow, ice, and cold had only hurt the initial first time he’d done this, but now it was almost as simple as breathing for him.

(Iceberg still refused to tell people how he had learned to do this or that he’d literally blown himself up the first time and 408 had a feast on what little remained of his blood and guts. He had not expected to lose a bet to 408, much less three times in a row. For all that it was humiliating to have a hive-mind of butterflies try to teach him, Iceberg couldn’t deny that they had done a phenomenal job. That it was the stepping stone towards maybe finally being able to repay Dr. Bright for all he’d done for him was just a bonus, really.)

(Also, 408 were chatterboxes when you didn’t have to rely on their visual communication skills. How Dr. Kondraki could stand being in contact with them twenty four hours, seven days a week, was a mystery to Iceberg, but he was getting off topic.)

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Idly, he noticed that he had fallen over and was now laying in the snow alongside 682, who was giving him a weird look. Ultimately he ignored it, left himself where he was, and muttered to himself still loud enough for 682 but maybe not loud enough for the people in the observation chamber. Hopefully safe from his stupidity.

“Yeah, okay. Fair, life can be painful and unfair and a right bitch. But, like, if you’re willing to cut down on the murder thing the Foundation will probably be willing to help make everything stop… hurting. We just need a direction to go in. We can’t help unless you’re willing to work with us and talk.”

“What makes you think you understand, worm?”

“I don’t- I’m not you.” Iceberg huffed out, turning himself so he was flat on his back and staring at the brightly-lit ceiling of the containment chamber instead of 682’s lower mandible. “But here you are, not murdering me outright for burying you in snow. Which, from observation of your past interactions with things, indicates you don’t hate it outright.

682 growled again, but nothing extra surged forth to uncomfortably greet him this time, and it turned to bury its head in the snow that had built up around it. That was fine with Iceberg, he could wait. He knew patience, despite popular opinion. Just didn’t like to exercise it under normal circumstances. Normal circumstances these were not.

Instead, he took a leap of faith and closed his eyes. Allowed himself to be slowly buried under the still falling snow alongside 682. Allowed himself to be weak and undefended right next to a being who could- and possibly would- attempt to murder him again once it hit some imaginary barrier on its own patience.

Iceberg simply kept his eyes closed and allowed a small smile to grace his lips when he heard 682 make some kind of snort-huff sound and then shift to curl up around him.

Proof that his foolish gamble was paying off for the time being. In five minutes from now, who knew. Certainly not him, but he could just become literal snow if 682 tried to attack him once again.

#Tumblr stop asking me to add Tags to a WIP post. I’m getting there!#text #scp #scp fanfiction #too tired to edit properly- sorry #dr iceberg #scp 682

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scythepalace · 1 year

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I know I am going through it when I start listening to classical music. I feel as if the more I try to crawl out of the hole I am in it forcefully gets deeper. I literally feel like this picture from the undercover 06 collection... trapped, suffocated, blank, just overall fucking numb. I love that when I have the epiphany that being optimistic isnt a bad thing, it becomes more challenging to be optimistic... I literally adore that for me!!!!!!!!!! Sometimes I do wish life wasn't as hard as it is. I dont think it makes me weak, just my natural reaction of an onslaught of nonstop ordeals making me think about a less complex life. I think about the days during quarantine, which were definitely bitter sweet, but damn were those sweet moments cavity giving. I wish the world could just stop like that again, but I doubt it ever will. I was talking to one of my friends, and they said how they have been lost since they were 12 and I was "lucky that I had something figured out." which from face value and by dictionary definition, I DO! but it still somehow feels like I am missing something. I dont know, it's almost like maybe the thing I am reaching for isnt what I actually need? Maybe I don't need a family, maybe I am telling myself these things. or am I just feeling doubtful at the moment? Sometimes it's hard to tell the difference between the two. I really admire people who keep themselves together.. cause fuck life can be intoxicating, it can be hell, this is what adults talk about when I was younger.. it is now my reality, and not just filler conversation in the background while im running around the field, imaging whole scenarios, thinking about how I have P.E the next day. It is now what I have to live, my every day I sink deeper, and deeper into this thing called life, and I am just hoping I don't drown. I honestly have to survive for this next month and a half... If I can do that, well then shit I might actually amount to something, because I could IMAGINE anything more difficult than these last two months. I applaud myself for surviving this long, but hell is it getting exhausting. being vulnerable and honest with myself, I feel myself cracking more and more every day, and I dont think anyone around me notices, or even cares to notice because they need me for their problems. I feel like I am a life force for the people around me, not being acknowledged for the hardships ive been dealing with, maybe I should applaud myself for making this shit look too easy... or maybe I should distance myself from everyone until I am looked at as an actual human that is trying to survive. thankfully I got something from my job today so I can have some type of breakfast tomorrow morning. I literally had my first bite to eat today at 3:30pm, and boy did that shit feel horrible. I cant really help it though, I dont like eating at peoples houses when I don't live there, it feels like I am taking, rather than it just me fulfilling my human needs. I also have to get rid of my cat more than likely... he has no where to go and it pains me to have to give him to another family.. I would love to avoid it but I have no choice. Hopefully the next family doesn't fail him like I did. I promise there is an ongoing pattern of just not being enough that I seem to encounter. like damn I cant even be enough to keep a damn feline! I feel like shit about that and it slowly starts to eat away at my mental conscious. I am trying my best to keep my integrity. I cant fold, I literally can NOT! if I lose my integrity I will literally have nothing to my name... at that point I would just want to end this shit. Which is such a painful thought, feeling like the only thing left of me is integrity... no cat, no car, fuck not even this job I hate working at, just integrity.... but hey if its kept me alive for this long maybe it means something more than it does just looking at it from face value. I hope to find peace of mind sometime next week, if I have to get rid of my cat..... I hope to find peace of mind within the next 6 months hahahahahaha #iwantokillmyself

Tuesday May 16th, 2023

#blogger #life blogging #food for thought #just my thoughts #fypage #foryoupage #explore

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ciarashoggoth · 4 months

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A Report! From Inside The Walls of Mallmart

The vets said he had cancer, and so I took him to a different veterinary clinic, only to get the same answer. That we could make him comfortable until the end comes. As much as I want to stay by his side, as much as he curls into the gaps of my life where things are lacking, purring with unconditional love- I have to go to work. The storm overhead is cracking with bursts of light in the sky, setting Okaloosa County ablaze, and I think to myself about past conversations with friends.

"You could tell me the sky is green, and if you sounded confident enough I might just have to believe you."

"Sometimes it is, have you ever been out after a huge storm?"

I could will myself to bend reality in my head, just for a week. I'll tell myself that this whole cancer thing has just been a bad, bad dream. That's easier said than done though. Things like this, it's easy to ruminate on. Things like thyroid cancer, and the fact it can bleed into other parts of the body, like the lymph nodes. Things like the procedure that would be done on a cat to remove a tumor in his nasal cavity, and what quality of life awaits after. As the rain pours down, I climb into the car to begin that long ride to work, because this is the story of a Mallmart Associate.

"Hurricane season is picking up, so be sure to buy-" The overhead cuts out to static, and someone has the common sense to call on overhead to cut out the audio. "Ugh, this weather literally sucks." Aiden groans, scanning the labels on the topstock shelf. "At the very least, the lack of customers in the store will give us room for a major overhaul. I'm looking to cover a lot of ground today in matters of prepping for summer merchandise so you better keep up, Gossman." Aiden had a tendency towards wanting to do the bare minimum once he got to the store and I really didn't understand it. He says he has no other option but to work here and yet there he sits, canning the same shelf for the last 20 minutes. "We aren't going to cover this department in time with you lagging. Why don't you move ahead and I'll deal with-"

"Thank you!" He was already climbing down from his ladder, and moving his cart out of the aisle. "Hey Mickie! Ciara said we can take break early 'cause she's got it covered!" I watched on in a bit of shock as they rolled off out of my vision, far down into the aisles and off to the break room. "Didn't even fight me on it…" I muttered weakly under my breath. In truth I did end up plowing through it in time, possibly faster than it would've gone with Aiden scanning the same shelf, yet I still felt we were behind.

And if we were behind,

We would have points deducted.

There was no way in hell I was letting anyone end up on the chopping block when we were so close to perfection. We were so close to meeting our goal, and as long as we made it there, we'd be safe from possible termination. So when I saw we had only two carts left towards the end of the day, I offered to take the one that was filled to the brim, while Leah took the near empty one. For one, I could feel more in control of whether the stock got out to our main sales floor. Also, it had been a long day. We had been running around like a chicken with its head cut off, and morale was low. Leah would probably much rather prefer the near empty cart to deal with. At least, that's what I reasoned with myself. "Hey Leah, let's make quick work of this, I'll take the larger cart, okay?" And at this, she grinned and nodded.

Truth be told, this cart was poorly put together. There was an odd mix of stock from multiple departments, something that was not supposed to be done because it's seen as inefficient. I would be racing against the clock, it seemed. That was okay though. When your back is against the wall and you have little room for imperfections, that can give you the opportunity to flourish and rise against the odds. I've seen it before in those old school movies where the underdog always ends up coming out on top, and miracles happen just when you think all hope is lost. As much as I hoped for things to be like the movies though, it wasn't. My legs had tremors as I lifted the stock labled "Team lift" onto a shelf, the muscles in my abdomen and stomach contracting and swelling and shuddering against the fat and flesh that lined them in. Heat seeped into my jeans. This was just the risks working in Mallmart had though. Especially when your claim to fame was being able to lift abnormally heavy stock. I was covered in bruises, my nails were chipped and short, my back always hurt so terribly, and now, this. "Ms.Shoggoth, we will need to ask you a few questions in order to gage how much reeducation you will be needing. Do you understand how to complete topstock?" I gazed down at the team lead that stared back up, expectantly. Of course I did, I've been doing it since I very first began working here.

Topstock Etiquette, With Madame Macabre!

Topstock is a special name for the space at the very top of a shelf where customers cannot reach. This is where excess items are put. Every morning, Mallmart Associates scan topstock in order to work down stock into any open spaces, eventually working down all the excess stock. The amount of stock that is allowed in topstock varies, but it is generally considered that as much as a nearly full stock box can be put onto the topstock space, so long as some of it had been worked onto the the sales shelves!

"Just what is this about? You know I understand topstock," I was suspicious now. Were they just looking for a reason to fire me? No, that didn't make sense. We came to an agreement-

"Leah had told us you had given her a cart that you told her could not go out, and yet she was able to work the stock onto the sales floor."

My jaw dropped at that. Surely there was some misunderstanding. She must not have heard me right. Yeah, that was it. Still, I felt my blood pressure rising as I made my way to the backrooms. "Hey Leah, you do realize that wasn't overstock right? Any idea why management came down on my head?" Leah looked up from her spot in the backrooms of our grocery department. There was a thinly veiled accusation, but it wasn't as subtle as I hoped because now, there were several pairs of eyes watching us. She looks me up and down, smirking. And then she said, "You smell like piss." like that was her gotcha moment, like it isn't already stressful enough, and like I hadn't sacrificed my whole body to this job-

But yes, that was Leah's big moment, where everyone watched on, smirking as I sat there fighting to find words, any comeback. I wanted to scorch the earth and leave everyone blistering in my wake with whatever I said. But instead I just said, "Whatever, I have work to do."

I'm here to work, not make friends. As much as I wished they liked me, as much as I selfishly wished we were on the same wavelength, that just wasn't possible. I hadn't realized though, that they hated me this much though? Where did it all go so wrong? I spent way too much time, thinking about it, worrying. Maybe they're right, maybe there's something wrong, something unlikeable about me. I felt baffled, and by the time I walked out of the store, my head was spinning. The storm, having passed, was alight with an unearthly glow that filtered colors through it like a kaleidoscope. There in the Mallmart parking lot, I gasped. "The sky…Is green!"

#humor #horror #weirdcore #suburban goth #daily report #unreality #dreamcore

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hismercytomyjustice · 4 months

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I once again find myself yelling at the tv today.

This is what happens when my husband is traveling for work.

…and also when he is at home.

Bridgerton and Helluva Boss spoilers below the cut!

This post is also basically borderline gibberish, so 🤷

BRIDGERTON SEASON 3 SPOILERS AHOY!

THE SCREAM I SCRUMPT WHEN THAT MAN PICKED UP LADY BRIDGERTON’S…handkerchief? I don’t actually know

BUT OH MY GOD

LET HER FIND LOVE AGAIN GODDAMMIT

Tho ngl part of me kind of shipped her and Lady Danbury but that would be a little weird what with the events of the Queen Charlotte series… STILL. I’m glad they’re at least besties.

BUT OMGGGGGG. I am so excited for her to get another chance at love!!! 😭 God the scenes in the Queen Charlotte series and the 2nd season with her broke my heart.

I also have such a soft spot for multiple great loves in one’s lifetime idk I am a sap like that. I’ve seen it in my own family and my in-laws and I just find it so sweet and bittersweet.

AUGH I AM JUST SO HAPPY AND I CANNOT WAIT TO SEE MORE WITH THIS MAN

It’s possible they actually do introduce him but I paused the episode like right after so lol I am as yet in the dark

Also I LOVE seeing Colin realize he caught feelings. Especially after Pen has pined after him for so long.

WELL WELL WELL HOW THE TURNTABLES

But omg her having to write about herself HURT MY HEART

I was wondering how they were going to mend fences somewhat with her and her struggles with Colin and Eloise and DAMN she went straight for her own jugular

THAT’S NOT SELF-COMPASSION PEN!

Ugh there is so much sweetness this season so far that I’m gonna get cavities T_T

I love getting to see the characters get to play more and be unabashedly themselves

I am a season 2 super fan lol. It’s been so nice getting to see more of the fucking phenomenal chemistry between Kate and Anthony

I love them so much T_T

I love Lady Danbury too. And that we’re getting more of her friendship with the Queen because MY HEART THE FUCKING PREQUEL OH MY GOD IT WAS SO GOOD

T_T her love with George gives me life and also SO MUCH SADNESS

Lol it’s also a little weird watching this because I live in Charlotte, NC which consists of Mecklenburg County both of which are named after the queen lol

We are ~the Queen City~ literally. That is Charlotte’s literal nickname.

—

HELLUVA BOSS SPOILERS AHOY!

I pretty much watched the entire two seasons over the past two days

I wasn’t sure how I was gonna feel about it after Hazbin but I loved it in a different way

love Stolas so much T_T he is such a sad little bird man and CAN HE AND BLITZO JUST BE BOYFRIENDS AND GIRL DADS OKAY?!

also as soon as his dad showed up I was just like “wait one goddamn second, JAFAR?”

And it was! But I recognized him from the Broadway and then I fucking found out he had basically been Jafar since goddamn 1992???? I had no idea it was the OG Jafar in the Broadway Original Cast recording

I also really love the portrayal of Lust and his relationship with Fizz (I am too lazy to look up the spelling of his name). Just s’cute! And god the panic attack he had…ouch. Lol I really felt him on the thought spirals too. WELCOME TO THE CLUB!

Ngl Blitzo annoyed tf out of me at first but he really grew on me and PLEASE LET THEM BE BOYFRIENDS AND GIRL DADS OKAY

the episode of them as kids omfggggggg so goddamn CUTE

I also love Millie and Moxxie or however you spell it

Of course I was gonna that’s literally Invader Zim right there but omfg they’re so cute and I love how stupid in love they are

just nauseatingly so and in such a good way

I literally watched Hazbin for the first time like…2 or 3 weeks ago? And have been obsessed since. Alastor is my fave but Stolas from Helluva is right up there with him

I am BASIC OKAY

I actually only watched Hazbin because Spotify played some of the music for it on my daylist and I got hooked and now I’ve been listening to electro swing and I didn’t even think I liked jazz but then I realized I like a lot of jazz vocals from other stuff so it fit really well

—

~It’s all gibberish from here folks!~

I love…idk how to word it…like unique instrumentals? Which duh jazz, but I’ve never been a huge brass/band type instruments person

I played violin, strings are my fave

Except for the organ and the harpsichord omfggggg god I love me some fucking organ and harpsichord music

I am a SUPER COOL AND FUN AND EXCITING PERSON OKAY

lmaooooo

Ngl growing up going to church the organ music and hymns were my fave part

I don’t really go to church anymore, but damn if I don’t miss the music. Lord of the Dance is my fave hymn of all time and I used to get SO HYPE when we’d sing it

Communion was always the best too because we just got to sing hymns the whole time lol

If I’d stuck with church I’d def be in the choir now because I LOVED IT

One of my fave church memories was when I was a teen and they had a session where everyone got together and just sang favorite hymns

But I mostly stopped going to church because of how fucking toxic the folks at my church were (in addition to all the problematic shit about gender/sex and the rampant Christian hypocrisy etc) but it’s hard to escape church in the south

I drive 5min down one road and pass like 10 churches which is not much of an exaggeration because there is literally like one on every corner down here

Also found out the other day that the denomination I’m part of JUST removed the ban on lgbt preachers??? Didn’t realize we still had one, so that was a bummer, but hey at least they got there in the year of our lord 2024…..

Continuing on the church tangent I’ll never forget the time we had Baptists come to our door when I was in high school to try to share the good word and I told them I was Methodist and they just looked at me in borderline disgust before leaving 💀

Or the time the MORMONS CHASED ME when I was trying to go pick up food for my dog 💀💀💀

I saw them a few stores down and started power walking and they started hustling and I was just like “am I genuinely being chased by Mormons right now???” and I was!

To each their own, but I am not interested in being converted kthnx

I’ve got a lot of complicated stuff already with Methodism so I’m good on the religion front! Still consider myself Christian but don’t feel the need to harass other people about it! Or to evangelize! Or to actually go to church! But again, I live in the south so church in general is still very much present in the lives of my loved ones and nigh inescapable

Lmaooo no one is gonna read this monstrosity of a post but goddamn can you tell I didn’t take my adhd meds today and that my body has refused to sleep for like two weeks now!

So of course I’ve been having ocd spirals of “this is it, we’re an insomniac now, we’re never gonna sleep again, we’re gonna die from never sleeping again, it finally fucking happened” 🥰

Yaaaaay I need to go to bed

And HOPEFULLY SLEEP FOR ONCE

shut UP ocd 🖕

#hismercy’s musings #life stuff #rambling my head off #bridgerton spoilers #helluva boss spoilers #weird religious tangent #~oooh I’m mentally ill~

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fuckkbrunch · 6 months

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Okay I've been putting off writing this post for a week. I totally wasted spent my whole last weekend doing this fucking thanksgiving dinner. I literally didn't sit down for 9 hours on the turkey roasting day. Get ready for a long one...

I thought this would be good to bang out a few recipes in one weekend. My job gives out free turkeys to employees every Christmas, and this year we got two since my partner works with me now. We have a very small deep freeze, so I thought this would also help make some space since we didn't cook either of our turkeys during the actual holidays.

The cookbook has a pretty detailed thanksgiving section, where Tony explains how to set up a thanksgiving dinner over 4 days. First step, make a stock. This took me 8 hours.

Luckily I didn't need to buy any bones. I've had these necks and wings and bits hanging out in my freezer for a while. Scraps from past turkeys, roasted and raw ducks, and maybe a chicken. I added in the neck and wing tips from the new turkey as well.

Roasted those off for about 45 minutes, moving them around as needed. Prepped some mirepoix while that cooked, added it to my brand-spanking new cheapo stock pot, chucked in some thyme, and we're off to the races.

I underestimated how long this sucker would take to bring to a "high simmer". Took about an hour to get there, then had to stay at a medium simmer for 5 hours. At some point I realized it wasn't evaporating fast enough and cranked it for the final two hours.

My resulting stock. A little more than I needed, which turned out perfect. Rapid cooled it in the sink and finished this around 10:30pm. He says that if you've done it right, it should be a deep golden brown, and very gelatinous the next day, which it was. Hooray!

I had planned to get my stuffing together and baked off on this day as well, but didn't manage to. But I got the veg prep for the stuffing chopped up at least. His stuffing is the most expensive stuffing I've ever made. It's the wild mushrooms that got me. Thankfully my grocery store still had roasted chestnuts available in March, but I definitely couldn't find fresh wild mushrooms. So dried would have to do.

The recipe calls for a pound of the wild mushrooms, but this box of dried ones only comes to 70g when rehydrated and it ran me $9.

This sad pile cost me nine fucking dollars. Porcini, chanterelle, shiitake, portabello and oyster. A pretty good assortment at least. I rehydrated them using some of the extra stock I made. Definitely not paying $60 to get to a pound though, so I supplemented with some fresh baby king oyster mushrooms, and topped it off with regular cremini mushrooms.

Now I know the chestnuts might come off as cheating, since they're pre roasted, but I did roast them again myself, as the bag suggested.

The stuffing took me two hours to get together (thank fuck I did the chopping yesterday), then I got my monster 16lb bird ready for roasting. His prep for that is pretty simple. Just a rub down with butter, salt and pepper it and you're good to go. His method doesn't involve stuffing the bird, but I have emotional needs regarding bird stuffing, so I made extra in order to do so.

His stuffing has the giblets boiled and processed to add in at the end, but I couldn't find the giblets in my bird until I was ripping it apart to portion it (who puts the giblets under the skin in the chest/sternum cavity?? Put that shit inside the bird with the neck for fucks sake...) so instead I added in some of the turkey neck meat I had leftover from the stock scraps. I'll try again with the giblets next time.

Surprisingly, the gravy was pretty annoying. All that stock I made was specifically for the gravy, as well as some red wine and shallot reduction. I made the roux using pan drippings from the stock bones from the previous day, but as I was browning the roux I was thinking, damn this is a lot of roux. I've made a lot of gravy in my life and I've never used this much roux. So when I got to the point of adding the hot stock to the roux, it got SO THICK.

He says to continue cooking the gravy until it's "thick enough to coat a spoon", but this was already way thicker than that. I had to dump in all my extra stock, plus some fish sauce and soy sauce (which are optional parts of the gravy recipe) to "water" it down.

That and I may have lightly burned my outside-the-bird stuffing. It was totally saveable though.

This is the proudest I've ever been of roasting a turkey. I sent this photo to my friends as if it was a new baby photo. Just look at it.

Isn't she a beaut?

Basted her every half hour for about 4 hours. Ironically, my overzealous stuffing didn't get hot enough to get out of the danger zone before the bird overcooked, so I scooped it out, mixed it with the lightly burnt other stuffing and baked it off while the bird rested. Oh and I also made mashed potatoes, obviously. I needed a green side, so I also whipped out...

Tony really showed his age with this one. The only time I've ever had creamed spinach was when I was 5 years old, at my grandparents house.

Thank fuck you can buy pre washed, pre trimmed spinach these days, because by this point I was so done with all of this. Nothing more depressing than watching 2 big bags of spinach steam down into a tiny sheet pan worth of wet green. At least it came together quickly. The taste was just okay, something about the texture squicks me out.

Taters, stuffing spinach and gravy. The second money shot of the day. Also a little bundle of asparagus I steamed off in the microwave since it was getting old...

Holy fuck, it's over. Best turkey I've ever done, but man. I don't know if it was worth it.

| Thanksgiving + Creamed Spinach |

Taste is a 4 out of 5. Definitely good, but the stuffing literally tasted like any stuffing I've ever had, expensive ingredients be damned.

Difficulty is a 6 out of 5. Don't try this one if you've never done a thanksgiving on your own. Or recruit help if your kitchen space allows it.

Time was about 16 hours over two days. I'm not kidding. At least while reducing the stock, you can sit down now and then.

I portioned all of this into 18 meals for the freezer so we can have a mini thanksgiving whenever we want.

I wish I could have found some cranberries so I could've knocked out his cran relish recipe as well, but it's late March and beggars can't be choosers. I'll get to that in the fall, when I roast that other fucking turkey sitting in my freezer...

#anthony bourdain #appetites a cookbook #thanksgiving #cooking #recipe #making stock is so long and boring #spinach

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starfinss · 2 years

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No Right Time — Yuuji Itadori

This is pure self indulgent fluff. I literally dropped everything to write it on my phone.

Fandom: Jujutsu Kaisen

Pairing: Yuuji Itadori + Reader

Rating: SFW

Word Count: 1,981

Summary: In which you learn that you have nothing to worry about, and that some accidents can be happy.

“I think I’m pregnant.”

Nobara spat out her drink, peppering the wood grain of the table in wine. She coughed roundly for a few seconds, and you raised a hand to pat her back, but she put up her own palm to stop you, instead taking another long drink of her wine.

“What— what makes you think—“

“Nausea,” you said, “every morning like clockwork. Mood swings. And— my period is late, by two weeks.”

Nobara set her drink aside, leaning against the table. “Did you take a test?”

You shook your head. “No.“

“Why not?”

You shrugged, tears suddenly filling your eyes. “Shit, I don’t know. It’ll make it real? If it’s negative, fine. But if it’s positive, that’s terrifying. And— exciting.”

Nobara raised her eyebrows. “Exciting?”

She said it more like a statement than a question, which made you smile. “Yeah, I guess. Yuuji and I have talked about kids, and we know we want them, but we aren’t married, and— Nobara, what if he leaves?”

Nobara scoffed, eyes rolling. “Itadori? Leave? You? Ha! Do you even hear yourself? Even those words in the same sentence sound wrong. That big idiot adores you. He’d move heaven and earth just to make you smile, and you know that. The way he looks at you is so mushy that it’ll give me cavities, and I don’t like anything that risks my perfect smile.”

You knew she was right. But you were still terrified. You didn’t know what you wanted. Part of you was telling you to put yourself first. If you weren’t ready to have a baby, you didn’t have to. That was your choice, it was your body. But part of you was thrilled. The thought of a little child with your eyes and his hair was running through your mind, and it made your heart feel warm. Yuji was your everything, and you knew you wanted to spend your life with him.

“You’re probably right,” you relented, “I should take a test.”

Nobara scoffed again, her face haughty. “Of course I’m right. Now—“

“Can I— Can I take it here?”

Nobara paused, then her face softened. “I’ll go pick a couple up.”

You felt relieved for her support. “How much—“

Your friend looked offended. “Don’t you dare get out your wallet. This is on me, yeah? Women should support women. But don’t say I never did anything for you.”

You smiled. She did, too.

“Thank you, Nobara.”

She waved you off. “Yeah, yeah. Thank me when I get back. And I better be that kid’s godmother.”

You took four tests. They all said the same thing.

Two lines.

Pregnant.

Positive.

Two overlapping lines in the shape of a plus.

You pressed your hand to your lower abdomen, shock numbing your senses. You knew it was coming, but it was still so much more than you’d imagined feeling. You were having a baby. Yuuji’s baby. You leaned against the bathroom door, wrapping your fingers around the test, eyes resting on the double lines. There was a tiny life underneath the palm of your hand. It was as absolutely terrifying as it was exciting. You felt tears begin to fill your eyes. You were pregnant.

Nobara’s knock startled you, making you jump.

“Yeah?” You said, and you could hear her roll her eyes.

“Well?”

You stood up, opening the door and handing her the test. She wrinkled her nose, holding it at an arm’s length as she read the results.

“Did you take all of them?” She asked, and you nodded.

“All the same result.”

“Well,” she said, handing you back the test, “you have any names picked out?”

You smiled despite yourself. “I have a few. But I think I need to call Yuuji.”

Nobara nodded. “Yeah, probably. He’s the only guy you—“

“Nobara, don’t even finish that sentence.”

She put her hands up in defense. “Just making sure.”

She was quiet for a few seconds. “You need me there?”

You nodded. “Please.”

You picked up your phone from the bathroom counter, eyes resting on the Lock Screen. You and Yuuji, foreheads pressed together, grinning. Happy. In love. It made your heart flutter. You couldn’t lose him. Not ever. If he didn’t want the baby—

“Go on, while you’re young,” Nobara said, snapping you from your thoughts, “you’d rather still be pregnant when you tell him, right? Hell of a shock if he found out when you’re in labor.”

You looked at her sidelong, knowing it was her way of being encouraging. You sighed, unlocking the device, tapping on the phone icon. You tapped Yuuji’s contact in speed dial, pressing the speaker to your ear. It only rang once before he picked up. You could hear voices, one you recognized immediately as Megumi, as well as one other, probably Toudou.

“Hey, babe, what’s up?”

You stifled a cry. He caught it immediately, his voice concerned and careful.

“(Y/N)? Baby, what’s wrong? Are you okay? Did something happen?”

“Yuji,” you said, “can you come to Nobara’s?”

You heard Yuuji saying something to his friends, indistinctly, and then his attention was back on you.

“I’ll be there in five. I love you, hm? You know that, yeah? Whatever happens, I’m here for you.”

You nodded. “I know, Yu, I love you, too.”

You hung up the phone, drifting over to the couch to sit down. Nobara followed you. She didn’t seem to know quite what to do, but you appreciated her presence. You stiffened when she put an arm around you, but you leaned into her, resting your head in the crook of her neck.

“You’re still gonna look incredible with a mom bod,” she said, and you laughed despite yourself.

“Who said I’d have a mom bod?”

She chuckled. “Nobody. But even if you do get one, you’ll still look great.”

“What about if you get a mom bod?” You joked, and Nobara scoffed.

“As if. I’d never compromise my perfect figure. And even if I did get pregnant, I’d look awesome. Just like you will.”

You laughed again.

“I can’t believe I’m pregnant,” you said, “it’s unreal.”

“You’re gonna be a great mom. And Itadori… I guess he’ll be alright.”

You snorted. “Yuuji is the perfect man for fatherhood. He’s— kind, attentive, loving. He’s gonna be a great dad. I’m not worried about him.”

“Or you,” she added, “you’re gonna be a super mom. Plus, I could be persuaded to help. If you make me the godmother.“

“I’ll have to talk to Yuuji about that one,” you said, “but I think something can be arranged.”

The knock on the door made you both jump, and Nobara turned and looked at it, then back at you. You stood up, fingers fanning out across your belly before you walked to the door, opening it.

Yuuji stood on the other side, his coat unzipped, scarf haphazardly tossed around his neck. His face was a mess of worry, and when he saw you, he pulled you into a bone-crushing hug.

“I got here as fast as possible,” he said, pulling back to cup your face in his hands, “what is it? Are you sick? Did something happen?”

“Well,” you said, “yes and no.”

“Do you need to go to the hospital?”

You would at some point, but telling him that would only worry him. So you just cut to the chase.

“Yuuji, I’m—“

“Is it cancer? Did you break something? Angel, I—“

“Yuuji, I’m pregnant.”

He froze. The room was so silent you could head a pin drop, and with every passing second, your heart sank deeper.

“I can— I don’t have to have it, I—“

“You— you are?”

You looked up at his face. His eyes were full of tears. He didn’t look angry.

You nodded. “Yeah. I don’t know how far along I am, but I took four tests and they’re all—”

He was then hugging you so tight, kissing your face, every spot he could reach, smiling and crying and so were you. He pulled you into a deep, all consuming kiss, one that sucked the air from your lungs and made your heart feel like it was soaring. When he pulled back, he was grinning, and his teary eyes were flooded with adoration, with love.

“We’re having a baby?” His voice was cracking with emotion, with joy.

You nodded again. “Yeah, Yu. We’re having a baby.”

He picked you up around the waist, spinning you, making you cry out in delight and surprise.

“Oh, my god,” he said, “is it a boy? A girl? It doesn’t matter, I’ll love it either way. Whatever gender it is.”

“I just found out,” you said, “all I know is that I’m pregnant. Nothing else.”

He ran his thumbs along your cheekbones, wiping away tears. “Can I be there when we find out?”

You grinned. “Of course you can.”

“It’s mine, right? I—“

You laughed. “Yes, Yuuji, it’s your baby. Our baby. There’s literally nobody else’s it could be, or anyone else I’d want it to be. Of course, you’re the father.”

He kissed your forehead, your cheeks, your nose.

“I’m gonna be a dad?”

“Yeah,” you said, “we’re gonna be parents.”

You looked over your shoulder at Nobara, who was wiping furiously at her face. She didn’t meet your eyes, but you could see her fighting a smile.

“This throws a wrench in things,” she said, “huh, Itadori?”

He cocked his head. “No, not really. I’m pretty sure being pregnant doesn’t affect the size of her fingers.”

She rolled her eyes. “You men. So clueless. I meant dresses.”

“Wait,” you said, “what are you guys talking about?”

“I was going to propose,” Yuuji said, “a-am, I still am. And I—“

“Yes,” you said, eyes flooding with tears for the umpteenth time, “yes.”

“Yes— yes what?”

“Oh, my god,” Nobara said, “so damn clueless. She’s saying she’ll marry you. Idiot.”

“Oh,” he said, “oh! C’mon, Kugisaki, let her say it! I had this whole thing planned out, Megumi and Toudou were helping, I—“

You smiled. “We can still do that. I’ll act surprised. The works. Okay?”

He grinned back, cupping your face in his hand. “Okay. Okay.”

Another smile. “Okay.“

“Kugisaki,” Yuuji said, “let me steal her? I wanna go home, talk some more. I just— I wanna be with her right now.”

Nobara shrugged. “Whatever, like I care about that. You two go be gross somewhere else. And (Y/N), get those tests out of my bathroom.”

You pulled yourself away from Yuuji with some difficulty, collecting the tests and tossing them into a plastic bag. You wanted to take a few more, just to be completely certain, but you also wanted to hang onto these for a while. Plus, Yuji wanted to see them himself.

He drove you home, staying no less than an arms length away the entire time, his hand in yours. You felt your heart thumping in your chest, happy and excited and a little scared. But you knew that was how he felt, too. You held his hand tightly.

When you got inside, he held you close, talking about doctor’s visits, birth plans, names, everything under the sun. And you knew, while terrifying as this was, you had nothing to worry about.

Because Itadori Yuuji was going to make a great dad. And as for you, you’d make a pretty good mom.

#yuuji itadori #itadori yuuji #itadori yuji x reader #itadori yuji drabbles #tooth rotting fluff #fluff #literally just fluff #jujutsu kaisen #reader insert #Female reader #fem!reader #x reader #pregnancy #i wrote this on my phone #I might right a part two #if you guys want me to #fanfiction #fanfic #My writing

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elizvbeths · 2 years

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how 'bout a kiss?

A/N: while scoping through prompts, I fucking died when I saw this one from a personal experience at my job. thus this bad boy was born. Reader is a dental assistant at the only dental office in Hawkins. Pairing: Eddie Munson x Fem!Reader

Talking Eddie into going to the dentist was something that Y/N thought would never happen. After all, when hearing about all his traumatic experiences that Eddie had as a child, even she wouldn’t have the guts to go in. But ever since landing her job, (as though a miracle or something), at Doctor Randall’s office, Y/N has learned a lot about the dental field. Like for instance, how important it was to floss, especially since when she was working with her doc, when she pulled all of the food out of Mr. Clarke’s teeth, which left a gaping hole, it woke Y/N up.

Since that day, Eddie has been a victim of Y/N going on and on about the importance of good dental hygiene. The horror stories that she would listen to would do enough to make him shiver and even rethink his own morning routines. “Really?” Eddie grimaced, holding off a gag, “someone had FUZZ on their teeth? Literal mold-like fuzz?”His girlfriend only nodded slowly, her face in a twist of disgust. “And babe the SMELL. Oh my god, Doc and I were going to pass out. It was fucking disgusting.” Y/N whined, shaking herself as a way to rid her of the thought. “I kid you not, Randall was going to pass out. She was literally walking around after we numbed him saying she should just take the damn teeth out.”

Staring at Y/N, after a huff, he caved. “Y/N just get me an appointment.”

“W-what?”

“Get me my damn appointment, Jesus H. Christ!”

And there he was, in the same dental chair that fuzz tooth was. Y/N was quick with the x-rays that were needed, after somehow convincing Dr. Randall that she truly wouldn’t need them all, but only because she didn’t want Eddie to get too freaked out with how stupid they tended to be. Y/N was in and out of his room checking in on him and making sure he was okay. Of course, he got a little amused when she saw how out of breath she was, due to her busy morning of extractions and fillings. “I promise you, we will be right in here baby, I want Doc to give you all the attention she has left.” She assured before popping back out in action. It didn’t take long, after about 5 more minutes waiting, Y/N came in with a wide smile upon her face. In towing in behind her, a female shorter than her, red hair all up in a bun with baby hair sticking out.

A busy morning indeed.

“Good morning Eddie, I’m Dr. Randall, it’s nice to meet you officially!” The greeting making Eddie scrunch his face in confusion. “It’s, uh, nice to meet you too Doc.” He replied, nerves making him mumble. Y/N was quick to step in behind him, sitting in the assistant chair as she gathered his x-rays for viewing, her hand fell onto his shoulder as she gave him a light squeeze.

“Okay, so Y/N told me everything about your previous experience with your last dentist, so I’ve decided that to make your life a little easier, I’m just going to go over everything I see.” Doctor Randall said, earning a sharp nod from Eddie. “Everything is going to be okay, Eds, I promise.” The promise that Y/N gave caused him to exhale sharply and slump his shoulders in defeat.

Everything is going to be okay, everything is going to be okay.

After a minute or two of Doctor Randall looking over his x-rays, and a quick examination of his mouth (that Eddie discreetly gripped Y/N’s hand for), a happy sigh escaped Doc's lips. “Welp, good news! Just one cavity! Your bone levels look great, and the cavity is actually really shallow. Y/N, can you chart down a shallow occlusal on 18?” Doc asked, removing gloves. Y/N gave a sharp, satisfied nod as she began to write down the findings. Eddie began to look around, wide eyed. “Does that mean I have to do it now? Y/N, I don’t wanna do it now.” He panicked, that flash of his childhood dentist's face flashed in his mind. Y/N, ever the mind reader, quickly came to his side. “Nope, baby. You can come in whenever I’m working, so you’ll have me by your side. Okay? Doctor Randall isn’t Doctor Stinson, I promise.” She assured, as the dentist backed out of the room to give them privacy.

Eddie breathed in relief, closing his eyes for a moment to calm his racing heart. “You must think I’m a pussy.” He mumbled, earning a squeeze of his hand. Looking up, he saw Y/N’s face of disapproval. “Eddie, baby, I literally had someone sob because Doc just entered a room. Don’t be so hard on yourself, dental phobias and anxieties are completely normal.” She stated, running her fingers through his curly hair. He closed his eyes, enjoying the feeling.

After Eddie calmed down, Y/N bit her lip. Should she? Shouldn’t she? Would she be an asshole? Remembering one of the stories that Eddie once told her about his former dentist, one that made them both laugh. Giving him a beat of peace, Y/N leaned forward, showcasing her cheek. “Now, how about a kiss?” She asked, tapping her finger on her cheek. A scoff was earned paired with an eye roll. He chuckled, placing a quick kiss upon her cheek before placing another one of her lips.

“You’re lucky I love you, smartass. When’s my next appointment, dental lady?”

Maybe the dentist won’t be so scary after all.

#Eddie munson #Eddie munson x fem reader #Eddie munson fanfic #Eddie munson x reader #Eddie munson oneshot #Joseph quinn

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thecraftymagician · 2 years

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Omg you don’t have to do this but I literally just thought: what would everyone’s best man/woman speeches be if MC and one of the LI’s got married? Like at Julian and MC’s wedding, I just know Asra and Portia would roast Julian for breaking up with MC after one day lol. Or like if Muriel and MC got married, Asra would be sobbing happy tears. And if MC married Nadia, Lucio would crash the wedding

Okay.. Let's try this again lol Tumblr Gods please bless me this day!

I decided to just stick to roughly two for each character to make it simpler however I can go into more specific combinations if you'd like. Like in my opinion Asra would obviously toast at everyone for MC but it'd probably be a bit repetitive so I only really used them for Muriel because obviously haha In the first draft I did write the full speeches but here I'm just going to bullet point assuming that's okay because it'll basically be the same thing just different format so i'm not sure why I explained that but oh well!

Warnings: Brush your teeth after reading, I'm not responsible for any cavities or running mascara as result of reading this sugary sweetness! FLUFF!!!, some route *spoilers*!

M6 Person of Honor Speeches:

Asra💜

Muriel: A while into the reception and after a few toasts Muriel gets up the courage to finally give his toast; He figures if Inanna could do that great as a ring-bearer he can at least say a few words. His parchment crumples a bit in his grip but his green eyes focus on the scratched points he'd made. While his voice doesn't carry too far, all of the guests seem to remain absolutely still as to hear him. Flushed, he talks about meeting Asra for the first time, how inspired he was by him and how proud he was to be his friend. He spoke of how much Asra deserved to be cared for and was glad that you were there for him, even smiling as he called you a good match. When he spoke of you he didn't want to bring up how loosing you broke Asra even though it was in the back of everyone's minds. Instead he promised himself to protect you both and how he sees you as a good friend or even sibling as he does Asra, gently welcoming you into their tiny found family. Of course that's the take away as Muriel isn't the best with emotional words and seemed to stutter through those parts. He almost forgot that he wasn't alone talking one on one with you both when he finishes as the party cheers, scaring him off a bit. Asra is almost inconsolable as they cry happy tears. Later when they find Muriel you can almost hear his bones crack from Asra's serpent squeeze hug.

Asra gave the first toast to you, your shared love, and the friends along the way full on Edward Cullen style.

Faust too gives a speech that is essentially the scene from SpongeBob where Gary reads poetry but both of you are teary-eyed like Sandy while the rest of the congregation stares politely yet confused. "She has such a way with words..!"

Nadia💖

Lucio: Actually was invited oddly enough but had to be baby sat by Portia as the condition. He was actually okay during the ceremony even though it wasn't as flashy as he'd hoped but at the reception he insisted on giving the first toast. Nadia allowed it on account of good behavior and mused that if all else it would surely be entertaining. Naturally Lucio started off with a few observations such as shouldn't he have given away Nadia? Obviously it would've made sense but he couldn't deny that it was a nice event without him. He at least could've officiated but no matter he was here now! He went on to talk about special days in life as he had extensive knowledge of such festivities and events but none so special as witnessing true love such as you two. He apologized to Nadia for their failure but was moreso happy for her to have found someone who can make her truly happy. He wishes to do the same some day, making a point to comment on his own availability before ending with a "Cheers!" It certainly could've been more awkward but Nadia is glad it was tasteful.

Portia: After being by her side for a while she had gotten to know Nadia like the back of her hand. She starts of admiring Nadia's character, how strong and steadfast she is. How she always thinks things through and will do what is right. She then compares what she knows of you, your own courage and compassion and how you each are more than capable of caring for the other. While she's only witnessed love and read of it in fairytales she comments how seeing you two pale anything in comparison. Watching you two together is to witness a true and equal partnership that she herself strives for. All in all she's so happy for two of her favorite people to be united and of course our little hopeless romantic sheds a tear causing each of you to follow suit.

Julian🖤

Portia: Portia is the one to kick things off as she has plenty to say. The cat face is on full display so you know this is gonna be good. She starts off by recounting meeting you and how thoughtful, funny, kind, and overall great you were. She just knew you'd be great friends especially after keeping her secrets and helping her brother. That was until said idiot brother blew it by breaking it off instead of trusting anyone once again and deciding things for them. To her surprise and utter happiness you didn't take that lying down and even insisted on getting her help to set things right. She was so proud of you for standing up to him and admittedly enjoyed seeing Ilyushka get a stern talking to from you. That was a hell of a way to start off your whirlwind from her point of view but she couldn't be further over the moon for you two. To believe ANYONE could help turn him around was almost unthinkable but she secretly placed her bets on you. Getting to see the two of you together and happy as well as getting the best sibling in law ever? That's just the cherry on top!

Mazelinka: There's always the embarrassing parent speech right? Well, Mazelinka decides it's up to herself to deliver with a loving roast of poor Julian. She recaps on how she found him and Pasha after the storm and taking him to her own lover to be raised. Growing up he was awkward as could be but with a heart of pure gold. While he got into much more trouble than most, he never stole that she knew of.. until finding you with him in her home late at night. She knew just by looking at you two that he'd stolen your heart or at least that you'd taken his. That slippery boy needs someone who is firm enough to set him straight when he needs it but loving and patient too, and boy after everything he put you through were you patient. Somehow you are just what the doctor ordered and have whipped him into shape as the man they all knew he could be with just enough confidence and love. For that she is grateful and proud of you. She's more than happy to welcome you to the family.

Muriel💚

Asra: The whole day has left your dear friend teary-eyed and on the verge of letting the dams break. He is just thrilled about you too. When he gives his speech they are trying so hard to stay composed but they can't help but gush. Asra talks about growing up with Muriel, finding their home together in the woods, all the trials and tribulations life unfortunately brought them but how it made them grow stronger together. They recount meeting you and how before everything you were the only other person Muriel could really trust. Asra knew it was difficult loosing that and how hard it was to not have you around as well but somehow you found away. Somehow the two of you ended up reforming that bond and after everything you went through came out together even stronger than before. Even before Muriel had never quite come out of his shell like this and been able to truly be himself yet you found a way to help him do just that. You have a special kind of magic to you stronger than anything he knows. Seeing you together is so unique and special, like the southern lights in the sky. Different than a sunny day or the first snow but nonetheless beautiful. While they could obviously continue they worry about talking everyone's ears off. He leaves with how insanely happy he is to see his favorite people ever together. Muriel squeezes your hand, unable to fight his beaming grin for tears for that matter as be blushes fiercely.

Portia🧡

Julian: He starts off by talking about how he respects that Portia is a grown women, he cannot pass up talking about how adorable she was growing up. Hair too big for her body, never one to give up in a fight, full of equal parts spitfire and courage as well as kindness and cunning. She always did so much for others and while capable needs someone to love and cherish her the same as she does for others. Luckily enough she found you. He recounted her favorite stories of adventures and fairytales that he'd read her growing up and couldn't deny your similar qualities to her favorite heroes. You'd lived up to and even far surpassed his expectations for his sister's significant other. He's happy she'd found her match in guts and love. That is to say you must swap stories about your adventures till the end of time now! He's just really happy for his sister and new sibling in law.

Mazelinka: While not nearly as embarrassing as Julian she'd still recount Pasha growing up just the same, how much she wanted to be a big kid and go off on her own adventures like her brother. Who'd have thought one of her biggest journeys included finding you? Of course that's just what she always wanted but it's rare in life that wishes be granted. That is to say she found herself a magician none the less so all bets are off. She thanks your for keeping her safe but not smothering her either, that's just what Pasha's always needed and it's been wonderful to watch her thrive.

Lucio❤️

Nadia: Lucio cannot help but sweat and worry when Nadia decides to speak. Luckily, she's as sweet and gentle as ever when choosing to make a few well placed jabs at her ex-husband. She starts off speaking about Lucio, pausing at times to collect herself. In other words she basically talks about how he can be.. hard to get along with at times, is one to make his fair share of mistakes, has been known for not being the most noble man despite his title, etc. With all that said she couldn't help her surprise at all of those rougher parts of his character being chipped away after meeting you. You were headstrong enough to not give into his whims and admired how he seemed to want to be better for you. You inspired him to change, evolve for the better though that's not surprising. Nadia herself admires your character and all you've done for her, Vesuvia, and Lucio. You're good for him, that's plain as day and he seems to make you exceptionally happy as well. She remarks that much of what happened was unexpected, the two of you getting together was a happy surprise.

Lucio: Like Asra, he would feel the need to declare his love once again and of course thank everyone for coming in a bolder way. He'd go on to basically reaffirm what Nadia had said but in his own point of view, being very open and vulnerable with his feelings for the first time in front of everyone.

(I don't think Asra would speak at this one. I think he'd try leave after congratulating you both but Julian would convince him to at least dance together once before heading out.)

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