#hello human body customer service I have a few comments and I would like a refund

[melancholic-pigeon]

I was 3 weeks into quitting vaping on Thursday or Friday (can't remember which) and it's going pretty well!

But quitter's flu is a thing and for that entire time I have been hacking uncontrollably every two seconds. I also had absolutely terrible insomnia, but I finally found valerian root yesterday (I can't take my usual knock-me-tf-out med because I'm on a medication temporarily for the quitting thing, and there's a potentially serious interaction between them) and slept and it was amazing.

I'm still really groggy and run down, though. Also, I could do without my wisdom teeth causing trouble now of all times, and I'd very much like to be able to breathe through my nose, because mouth-breathing makes it all worse!! 🥴

Anyway. I'm okay. My earthly vessel is maybe less okay. But it'll pass! Soon, I hope, because UGHHHH.

[ghost-town-story]

FebruarOC Day 27: Gerald, Jade, and Melissa

(Hello and welcome back to the Puppeteers being way too into body horror shit for being Doofenschmirtz-level villains. Here there be meat puppets. Have fun.)

The bell above the door rung as the door opened, but before Gerald could straighten up and put his customer service face back on, he heard Jade call out. “Hey Gerry, look who I ran into on my way back!” A moment later, Jade rounded the shelves, towing Melissa behind her. “Also, the café was out of almond croissants,” she added.

“God dammit,” Gerald sighed. “It’s about damn time you got here,” he said to Melissa.

Melissa scowled at him. “Not my fault somebody decided to turn half the streets into jello.”

“Huh, weird, I heard it was acid,” Jade commented, setting down one of the cups she carried to slide it over to Gerald.

“Could have been both, considering how fucked up this city gets sometimes,” Melissa grumbled. “Let’s just get this over with.”

Gerald looked over at Jade and raised an eyebrow. She responded by hip checking him out from behind the counter to take his spot at the register. “Have fun,” she sang, taking a sip of whatever coffee-adjacent monstrosity she was drinking today. “We’re closing in fifteen, so please hurry your asses up so we can get the closing shit done fast.”

“Hey, don’t put this on me.” Gerald paused to take a swig of his coffee while it was still hot, then he headed for the back room of the shop, Melissa close on his heels.

The back room was full of shelves packed with boxes and various pet toys, but Gerald easily wove through the narrow aisles to the far end of the room. The shelves didn’t reach all the way, leaving enough space for a steel worktable, a couple of lockers, a fridge, and a few chairs next to the door that led to the back alley.

“Here,” Gerald said, making his way to the cooler currently tucked underneath the table. He pulled it out and opened the lid for Melissa to inspect.

Melissa made a face. “Is there anything we can do about the smell?”

“Only if you keep it frozen,” Gerald replied. Personally, he didn’t see what the big deal was, but then again Jade delighted in telling him that his sense of smell was fucked after so many years of dealing with raw and rotting meat.

Melissa hesitated, her hand hovering like she was debating reaching into the cooler. “Does it work?” she asked instead.

“Fuck if I know,” Gerald snorted. “But I’ve spent too many hours staring at those damn anatomy books, so if it doesn’t then this whole project is probably a dud.”

“And what a shame that would be,” Melissa said dryly. She took a step back and took a deep breath, winced in regret, then held out her hand.

A second later, there was a wet thwack as something in the cooler moved. Gerald leaned over, curious if it actually worked or not.

At first glance, the thing in the cooler could easily be mistaken for human, a tangle of limbs covering up the rest of its body. But then one of the arms jerked again, and Gerald clearly saw no neck rising from its shoulders.

“Feels a little odd,” Melissa said, frowning in concentration. “But it works.” She sounded surprised, but Gerald honestly couldn’t blame her. After all, this was the third full scale attempt at creating a meat puppet for Melissa and her buddies.

“Cool.” Gerald nudged the puppet’s arm back into the cooler and closed the lid. “Let’s get it loaded up then? Where are you parked?”

“I pulled into the alley behind the shop,” Melissa answered, looking noticeably relieved now that the cooler was closed again.

Gerald nodded and opened the door, propping it open with one of the chairs. “You take one end,” he ordered. “It’s heavy.”

“Fuck’s sake,” Melissa sighed, but she complied and grabbed one of the cooler’s handles.

Together, they maneuvered the cooler out into the alley and into the trunk of Melissa’s car. Once they were back inside, Gerald kicked the chair aside so the door could swing shut. “Go talk to Jade,” he said. “I’m gonna start closing shit up back here.”

Melissa nodded and made her way out of the back room.

Gerald made sure the table was clean and spent some time neatening up the shelves before he headed back to the front of the shop. He found Jade sitting on the counter, her drink already near empty, thumbing through a stack of cash.

“I see it finally worked then,” she said when she noticed Gerald.

“Yeah.” Gerald grabbed his coffee and downed half of it in one go. “She didn’t seem too happy with it though, for some reason.”

“Honestly, why they even want a meat puppet in the first place is beyond me,” Jade shrugged. “Sure, it’s not a real person, but that just means it’s gonna get real messy real fast.”

“Fuck if I know,” Gerald sighed. “But not my problem so long as they’re willing to pay for it.”

“And what a good payday that was.” Jade tapped Gerald on the nose with the cash, then set it on the counter next to her and hopped down. “Alright, let’s get this place cleaned up so we can go home.”

[the-sound-of-her-wings]

Begin Again

Thor x Fem!Reader, in which Thor almost ruins your day (but doesn't)

Likes, Comments, and Reblogs Appreciated!

❀ Word Count: 1,566

❀ Contains: A panic attack, Tony Stark's customer service representative, Fluff?

❀ Inspiration: Begin Again by Taylor Swift

//And on a Wednesday, in a cafe, I watched it Begin Again//

This was your first 'date' in almost 6 months. You were a little nervous and unsure of what to expect, especially because your date was more of an icon than an actual person. In fact, he wasn't even human at all.

You first met Thor a couple weeks ago while on your way to work. You had your morning coffee in hand and were in the middle of crossing the street when you bumped into each other. Well, you didn't exactly bump into each other because if you had, you probably would not have been alive right now. Thor had slammed face-first into the ground in front of you, creating a crater in the road about a foot deep.

"Oh my god. Are you okay?" You asked as he got back on his feet.

"I'm fine, thank you for asking. Tell Stark to fix the street for me, okay?" With this, he flies off into the distance.

You stand there in the middle of the street trying to process what just happened. Someone lays on their car horn, notifying you that you are still blocking traffic. You mouth 'sorry' to the driver and scurry to the other side of the street unsure about how to proceed. You don't know Tony Stark's number, and you certainly don't know how you're going to explain to your boss why you were running late for work.

During your lunch break, you look up Tony Stark's corporate number to try and contact someone so that they know what happened with Thor. The last thing you need is to be footing the bill to replace the damaged road. You dial the number and are on hold for a few minutes before you reach another human being.

"Hello and thank you for calling Stark Industries. How may I help you today?"

"Uh, yeah. Hi. I ran into Thor this morning and he told me to call Stark because he damaged a bit of the road."

"Please hold while I transfer you to someone who is more capable of helping you."

After being put on hold for another 10 minutes, someone finally picks up on the other end.

"Hello, you have reached the customer service department of Stark Industries. I heard you have an incident to report regarding one of our devices."

You're not sure where you were expecting to be transferred to, but it certainly wasn't the customer service department.

"Uh... Thor damaged a part of the road I take to work."

"When did this event occur?"

"About 4 hours ago."

"Where did this event occur?"

"The intersection on Hester and Eldridge Street."

"How much damage was done to the road?"

"The crater he left in the road was about a foot deep and the size of his body, so about 6 feet long."

"Were you harmed in any way? Physically, emotionally, or spiritually?"

"No."

"Thank you for calling the customer service department at Stark Industries. We apologize for any inconvenience or harm our devices may have caused you. Goodbye"

That night, a mysterious bouquet of roses and a sealed card were laying on your front porch. You assumed that the customer service department at Stark Industries had sent this to you as a way to apologize one last time for your encounter with Thor. When you opened the card, you were surprised to find out that they were not from Stark Industries, but had been from Thor himself. It read;

Dear (Y/n),

How did he get your name? He hadn't asked you for it. Your interaction was so brief that it could very easily have been in your imagination, if not for the giant hole at the intersection.

Stark gave me your name and address so I could send this to you.

That made sense. Sure, you hadn't given Stark Industries any of your personal information, but they had your phone number and could have easily traced it back to you. You highly doubt that Stark himself was the one to give Thor this information, but you didn't rule out the possibility entirely.

I wanted to apologize for what happened earlier today. It must have been a very scary and surreal experience, not helped by my sudden exit. I have sent you a bouquet of flowers in an attempt to make it up to you. I have also made reservations at a café for us to meet again to reintroduce myself to you in a more polite way.

As you read this, you were curious as to how much of this letter was sincerely from Thor and how much of it had been conjured up by Stark. You assumed that someone at Stark Industries had made reservations for the two of you at a café because Thor probably did not have enough time to do it himself.

I am so sorry for any harm I may have caused you.

When you arrived at the café where you were supposed to meet, Thor was already there. He was surrounded by a small crowd of people who were asking him to take selfies with him. A few photographers were scattered about the area as well, snapping as many photos of him as possible. You hadn't realized going to get a coffee with Thor was going to be such a spectacle.

The entire time he seemed to be scanning the block looking for someone; you. Eventually, he spotted you and politely moved the people in front of him out of the way. As it became obvious he was approaching you in particular, you felt the atmosphere change, and everyone's gaze shift from Thor on to you. It made you extremely uncomfortable.

"Hello, Y/n."

"Hello, Thor."

Your voice is very quiet and you can't look him in the eye. You are staring at the ground, clenching your fists tightly together. Your mind is racing so fast you can't think of anything. You are numb to any feeling except panic, and you begin to feel tears fall onto your cheeks.

You are having a panic attack.

Thor realized something was wrong. He immediately wrapped an arm around your shoulder and walked with you into the café. You were still staring at the ground, refusing to look at the world around you. Once you had looked up again, you were in the back corner of the café near the last booth.

"I'm sorry."

You begin to wipe the tears away from your eyes as your attack comes to an end. His arm is still wrapped around your shoulders, and you find it very comforting. Thor is able to sense when you are completely calm again and removes his arm from around your shoulders.

"It's okay."

His words were reassuring.

Neither of you brings up the panic attack once you begin the 'date' in the café. You are trying to pretend that it never happened, but your not sure why Thor wasn't asking you about it. Other people have, and they probably would have this time as well if not for Thor. You dreaded having to talk about it to others, especially with people you didn't know. You decided that it didn't matter why he wasn't attempting to discuss it, all that mattered was that you didn't have to discuss it.

Throughout your 'date' you get to know each other. You learn of the antics he and his brother use to get up to and you tell him about your childhood. You give him suggestions for books to read to better understand humans and he offers to teach you another language. He laughs at the jokes you tell and you laugh at the absurd happenings that make up his life.

Hours pass, but you don't even notice it until a waitress taps you on the shoulder.

"Café closes in 20 minutes. Please leave."

You comply.

It is dark outside when you leave the café. You are a bit uncomfortable walking home alone at night. Before you can ask, Thor beats you to the question.

"Do you want me to walk you home?"

"Yes, please."

You walk in silence for a few minutes and are a good distance away from the café before he speaks again.

"Do you mind if I asked you about what happened at the café?"

There it was, the question you did not want to be asked. At least he was polite enough to ask you while the two of you were a great distance from other people.

"I had a panic attack."

"Oh, Okay."

His response is so casual that it catches you off guard.

"You know what those are?"

"I have heard the term before, but I've never seen one. A friend told me they had them."

You don't ask which one. You don't need to know.

You walk side-by-side the rest of the way to your house. When you arrive at the front steps, you begin to say your goodbyes.

"Thank you so much for walking me home. and for consoling me. It means a lot"

"No thanks is needed. I should be thanking you for forgiving me for almost hitting you on your way to work."

You chuckle.

"I wanted to ask you one last thing before I left."

"What did you want to ask?"

"Can we meet again?"

Thor's question is vague, but you understand what he means.

"Of course. Good night, Thor."

"Good night, (y/n)"

[nate-santos]

What the Fox?! || Nate & Amaranth

TIMING: Present

PARTIES: @amaranthzhang @nate-santos​

SUMMARY: Nate helps out one of his not so regular regulars. 

Nate had a hard time getting up this morning. He knew he had to brave the outside world, and he honestly wasn’t ready. If what Jacob said was true, he definitely didn’t get enough sleep and would therefore be way more likely to see some crazy which immediately sent Nate spiraling. He tried to do some breathing exercises which helped him calm down long enough to at least put on all his cold weather clothes, but as soon as he stepped outside, the anxiety was back in full force, washing over him like a tidal wave. He kept his eyes down and made a beeline for the shop, only pausing for a moment here and there to wave an eye contactless hello to the few neighbors he passed. Unfortunately he was still able to see his neighbor, Niamh’s, hooves peeking out under her winter coat. Jogging the rest of the way, he scrambled through the door of Fondante’s Inferno and closed his eyes, his body sagging against the familiar counter. He made it. Just one day, he thought. Just get through the pick ups today and you can go home and snuggle Pierre and forget all the nightmares you’re having. Just as his heart rate started slowing back down to a reasonable rate, the door chimed, signaling the first customer of the day.

While Amaranth and others were capable of baking whatever they wanted, they didn’t always have immediate access to the ingredients and some ingredients just weren’t sold in town and Amaranth wasn’t about to head to a big city. If she was craving something, she wanted it then and there… hence her own store opening. Also why she was going to make sure she was among the first customers when the store opened. That... and she had already placed an order of Chinese sausage rolls. So it worked that she got there early. The less she had to spend in a room with humans the better. Of course she couldn’t really tell if someone was human or not but she was better off assuming they were until she was happily proved wrong (or maybe not so happily). As she frequented the bakery she now recognized the back of the head as belonging to the owner. Greeted with a chime, she headed toward the counter. “Good morning.” She only glanced at him briefly, not even meeting his eyes. Even just setting foot into the place she was already overly warmed by the heat of it and couldn’t help but slightly unbutton her coat for a moment. “I’m here for a pick up.” She informed him as her eyes dropped to the display case looking to see what else he had.

Nate had heard the chime, he knew someone had entered, but he still jumped a bit at the sound of her voice. It was familiar, though. This particular customer was always a bit standoffish, a bit proper, but it never bothered him. She was polite, she had good taste, and he was happy to help her. Rubbing his eyes, Nate turned and donned his best customer service smile. “Hello! You had the uh...Chinese sausage ro-” He froze, his eyes landing on the woman‘s shadow. In the dim light of the shop, Nate could make out a distinct shadow that was distinctly not human looking. His heart hammered in his chest and he forced himself to look up at the woman he’d seen come through so many times. She looked more or less the same, but her eyes...they were a vivid purple and distinctly inhuman. Her edges shimmered a vibrant purple, the color rolling off her skin in what looked like tendrils of flame. Nate shook his head, rubbing his eyes once more. “S-sorry...I- haven’t quite woken up just yet!” He spun back to the counter and rummaged through some of his orders, not even registering what names were on each one. “L-lemme just find y-your order…”

His change in tone caused Amaranth’s eyes to dart to him, brows furrowing in concern disguised as annoyance (like she would ever be concerned about anyone she believed to be human). Something was wrong and she wasn’t quite sure what it was. Sure, she was intimidating but… this was strange. She looked over her shoulder, half-expecting someone or something to be there but there was nothing there. No one. She wasn’t wearing anything provocative. It was still winter out there after all and she wasn’t going to look too out of place and draw more than usual attention to herself? Hm. What could be bothering him? “It should be under A or Z. Amaranth Zhang.” She offered not sure if he alphabetized by first name or last name. Either way it made his search that much easier. Start from the bottom or from the top. “Is there any fresh sweetheart cake?” She didn’t have time for him to recuperate from whatever spell he was having and needed to know the answer to her question.

Nate’s hands shook their way through the orders, finding the name he needed. He plucked it up and turned slowly, his eyes staying locked on the box. “S-sorry, yeah here you are Miss Zhang!” He held out the package and let his eyes wander back up to the woman’s face, as if not looking for a minute would have changed anything. Just like his hooved neighbor, his pastry regular retained her new look. He smiled, hoping it didn’t look too pained. “Sweetheart cake! Yes! We uh- just a second and I’ll grab the fox- box!! The box- of the cake... How much did you need?”

Amaranth kept a watchful eye on him noticing how odd he was acting. Even as he looked up at her. “Thank you.” She took the box, opening up to take a look at them. Yep, the fenodyree would be pleased. They found cut up sausages reminded them of toes and that seemed to keep them sated for the time being. She was lucky she was able to get out of the house without one of them chasing after her wanting to come along. They really didn’t know personal boundaries sometimes but Amaranth hardly showed any sign of being bothered. She closed the box as he spoke out to her and she tried to think how many she should take. Everyone would be fighting for them. “Two dozen.” She asked, knowing it would be long gone by the afternoon. She checked the case again, seeing if there was anything that called out to her. Her hand went to her mouth in thought. She hadn’t heard anyone else come in so she didn’t feel guilty about taking some more time. Maybe he needed it to calm down because he seemed to have drank too much coffee this morning. He was very nervous and Amaranth would have thought some of the intimidation would have worn off after her frequent visits. She had never given him any reason to be nervous around her.

Nate let out a weird “Yea-hngh-” type sound of affirmation and went into the back to grab some boxes. This wasn’t real. He gripped the edge of the counter and squeezed his eyes shut, praying that he could go back out there and the nice woman, who might be a bit proper and standoffish but otherwise perfectly nice, wouldn’t have the flickering edges of purple fire or a distinctly canine shadow. He needed to get it together. But wasn’t this why he was taking some time to himself? Working from home instead of making deliveries or working the counter? Why he was going to some holistic healer to do sleep studies? As if he’d ever had a dream about a purple fox person before. After a few steadying breaths, Nate grabbed the stack of boxes and headed back out, noticing Ms. Zhang looking over the case. “We have some fresh as fresh can be Sticky Sugar Butterflies,” he mentioned as he packed up her sweetheart cakes. “Just the way my aunties used to make them.” Nate smiled at the memory, calming down for the slightest of moments.

Amaranth looked to Nate as he spoke up and then thought about it. She’d be carrying quite a few boxes home but that wouldn’t be so bad. His mention of his family convinced her. She was a sucker for family memories. “Are they better than your aunties?” Amaranth asked, only teasing and hoped her remark would be taken as such even if she wasn’t giving a full on smile with her words. It was hard talking to people who she didn’t know were human or not. It was stressful feeling like they would - at a moment’s notice just betray you when you least expect it, when you finally decide to let a guard down, they’ll ruin it. They’ll ruin you. “I’ll take half a dozen please. And that’ll be it, you can ring me up.” She told him knowing she would have to wrap it up soon. She couldn’t take up all his time… and she couldn’t take all of his sweets home, as much as she might crave it so. But it would be a nice thing to enjoy with her family and that was what mattered to her the most. Even if she had to interact with humans every so often.

Nate set down the stack of boxes and walked over to the case, pulling out the tray of butterflies. “H-Hah! Of course not!” His laugh came out nervous and jittery, but that might have been more from the comment itself. If his aunties ever heard him claiming to make better anything than them, he’d be in for a stern talking to. Not to mention a force feeding session to prove who made the better pastries. Nate smiled to himself. He missed his aunties. He missed family gatherings. He missed being able to look at people and not worry what he might see. “But if you promise not to tell anyone,” he whispered conspiratorially. “They are definitely better than my aunties’.” He grinned and set about packing the rest of her order, making sure to avoid eye contact. “Now you gotta let me know how you like everything next time you come in, okay?” It was easier to pretend to be normal when he wasn’t looking at the woman.

Family was such a softening topic for Amaranth, especially when it was full of fondness. “I assure you, your secret is safe with me.” She said with a lightness in her tone, one would even think she said it for a smile, but if you looked, wouldn’t see much more than a pair of gentle eyes. Thankfully for Amaranth, he didn’t seem keen on looking her in the eyes. She pulled the boxes closer to her as he packed them up and then reached into her purse to pull out cash. She could never seem to figure out prices for things. It was always so confusing. That said, she always kept a hefty amount of cash on her as a result. Pulling out a few 20 dollar bills, she prepared for the total, making sure to keep enough for the tip jar that was nearby. Tips were another strange thing but she tried not to think too hard on it. “I will be sure to inform you of my opinion.” Amaranth assured with a nod. His pastries were always excellent and she was sure he was aware of that but if he would like a little ego boost, she supposed she could oblige.

[gasters-story]

Chapter 30

Word count: 1,999

Sans was able to watch Gaster's slow decline. Though things didn't repeat for a long time, he didn't do anything that wasn't already done daily. It was as if he was waiting for everything to become a waste.

Sans just attempted to talk to Chara the day after they got tge machine running. There wasn't much to it, just Chara being skeptical as Sans explained. One could say Chara started to accept and be comfortable around Sans, yet it was hard to really tell with them. It took longer for them to accept Gaster's attitude.

Now Gaster sat at the desk in the lowest lab sections. Sans was stopping by since he learned this is what Gaster would now do, watch the machine so nothing goes wrong.

“Is everything alright, G?” Sans asks as he approaches the other. Gaster glanced over for a moment before just staring at the machine.

“Busying myself.” He mumbles.

“There's plenty to do in the above labs though.” Sans responds and glances at the machine. Gaster took a moment to respond.

“I'll do it later.” It wasn't like him to procrastinate. He always stressed about getting things done, yet for a while now its been the opposite. “I'm going to head out for now.” Gaster says suddenly and gets up.

“Where are you going?” Sans asks, trying to follow as the other puts a coat over his sweater.

“Just out to eat. Don't worry about it.” Gaster states without looking back. He had teleported off before Sans could even respond.

Gaster had planned to just walk through Waterfall to get to Snowdon but a place to his right caught his eye. A river with a caped figure on a boat.

The scientist walked over and stepped on the boat. It took a moment for it to get moving since the figure was surprised, but they eventually snapped out if it.

“So this is what you to now?” Gaster says suddenly. The figure seemed to hesitate for a moment.

“Yes. I found a friend and we get paid for our services sometimes. It's never required though.” The friend must've been the boat, for it let out an agreeing back as it's bow took the shape of a dog then went back to normal.

“I see… interesting.” Gaster responds and they both become quiet the rest of the way. It wasn't until the end of the trip that they interacted again. Gaster handed over some gold before stepping off and leaving the other puzzled. The scientist didn't care though, just making his way down to the local bar in Snowdin.

Anton's was a small but comfortable place to Gaster besides his own lab, even if he only knew the owner really. The blue flame monster was even quick go home over when Gaster sat at the bar stool.

‘Hello.’ He wrote with a smile. ‘Can I get you anything, Gaster?’ The scientist shook his head and sighed in response.

“Just came here to pass the time.” He mutters.

‘Aw, come on.’ Anton's smile just grew a bit. ‘You never order anything. The food here's great!’

Gaster rolls his eyes. “I'm sure it is but I'm not hungry.” He says and looks down a bit. He looked back up again when he noticed Anton's writing.

'Something bothering you then?’ He asks. Gaster just shrugs at the other.

“Just been thinking.” He says after a bit. “I wouldn't say it's really anything important though.”

‘I see.’ Anton pauses before changing the subject. ‘I've been thinking as well. You remember Grillby right?’

“Oh yeah. Your kid. Haven't seen him for a long time.” Gaster sits a bit more straight for once.

'Since the last time you were thinking.’ Anton adds on quickly. 'He's grown up since then.’

“I would imagine so. He's a bit older than Asriel, right?” And younger than Sans of course. Gaster would've added that but decided not to. “He was just a newborn flame back then.” Anton nodded, smiling out of pride.

'Right.’ Another pause from Anton. 'Actually, did you ever get that assistant you came here to think about last time?’

“Ah… yes actually. I started immediately, though it took a few years to find the right one…” Gaster subconsciously rubbed the edges around the hole in one of his hands nervously. Anton quickly took notice of the hole and reaches out to grab Gaster's hand.

Anton's hand felt warm and gentle, completely controlled flames flickering as they held on. 'When did you get this?’ He writes it quick, making the flames sloppy for a few seconds.

“An accident while experimenting… don't worry about it.” Gaster answers before pulling his hand away from the other. He glances away and adjusts his jacket a bit. “Things happen.” Anton stared for a movement, unsure, but just slowly pulled away.

'I understand. Sorry if I pressured you.’ Anton writes slowly this time yet still the flames would shake at first.

“No, you didn't.” Gaster said with a shake of his head. “As I said, don't worry about it.” He thought for a moment while Anton didn't respond, remembering the previous topic. “So what were you saying about Grillby?”

Anton had to think about it for a moment. 'Oh right.’ He drew out the last letter to make it accidentally have a slight tail. Gaster hasn't ever really seen him get so shaken up before. Never this worried before. Even in war he tried to be the optimistic one to keep monsters’ spirits up. 'I just have been thinking that Grillby could take over when I feel he's old enough. Maybe he can name it after himself so he properly owns it in name.’

“He's just a teen now right?” Gaster asks as he tries to push back a brewing mental fight from conflicting wants and feelings. “Sounds promising either way.”

Anton gave a soft smile before writing. ‘Yes. For now he works the back of the house. He's a very good chef.’ Gaster gave a somewhat of a smile back.

“I can believe that.” He mutters. “Mind getting me a water?” He makes Anton work up a bit at the request and smile a bit more.

'Sure, friend.’ He writes before heading to the back. Gaster hangs his head and sighs once the other is gone. He know that would make the other happy, finally an order from his toughest customer, but Gaster just felt he needed some anyways.

The skeleton only looks up when Anton comes back with a glass in hand. He takes it when it's placed in front of him for a meager sip. “Thanks.” He mumbles.

'No problem.’ Anton at least had steadier writing now, quite proud of himself and distracted from before.

The conversation turned out better from there. It was away from the lab, both their thoughts and most importantly the resets. Part of Gaster hoped that it wouldn't happen. Gaster didn't know if he could play the part again.

Luckily, he didn't seem to have to anymore. Gaster was able to let the days after pass, watching the machine work even if it seemed nothing was happening at the moment. The soul was attracted though, meaning that it was slowly being reattached to the body.

“G.” Sans was down here again, stopping out into the room. “Chara is here. They want to speak with you.”

Gaster sighs as soon as he hears it. He gets up off his chair to go head up. In the upper lab, he found Chara with their arms crossed and looking as grumpy as ever.

“What do you need?” Gaster asks, getting the other's attention. Chara's gaze seems to soften a bit as they saw the scientist as if their impatience was satisfied.

“Sorry for breaking into your lab, I guess.” They mutter and look away somewhat.

“Apology accepted, I guess.” Gaster responds in a mocking tone. That made Chara look back at the other with a bit of a glare.

“Ha ha. I see how it is.” They say mockingly back. Sans walked up from behind Gaster and patted their head, speaking before any could add another remark.

“The kid and I talked, though honestly it took a long while to stop being angry at you.” Sans explains. Gaster shrugs.

“I get that sometimes.” He responds sharply. “Is that all?” Sans quickly shakes his head.

“I just want to mention that, if you think about it, they only used the power once and that was when they were forced to.” Sans says and then adds. “I just thought I'd bring up the fact before they talk to you about somethings.” Gaster looks over at Chara for what they had to say.

“I don't even know how it works nor do I need it. Enough to wonder if I should try to find a way to just get rid of it, so it's not a burden.” Chara admits, speaking somewhat slow. “If that helps anyway.”

Gaster eyes them for a moment. “How can I be sure you never used it before you got here? Usually humans know of it yet not monsters.” Chara seemed slightly offended but didn't act on it.

“I haven't. I noticed something weird, yet I didn't know anything on it.” Chara states. Gaster thinks for a moment before deciding it was something that made sense with who last had the ability. Why tell anyone after it didn't matter anymore? Just have the facts disappear and rule like a king. “I don't even want to go back to before this place. If I use it, it'll be an emergency you know the main reason to.”

Gaster watches Chara's determined stare for a moment, then turns to leave. “If you wish to not be able to use it anymore, I may be able to help. I'd worry though about who it may go to after you.” He left the room quickly yet could still hear Chara's last comment.

“I'd rather keep power from burdening or consuming me.”

Gaster just his himself in his main lab area for the rest of his “day”. After he took a nap as a break from work, Sans was telling him Chara was back. As much as Gaster didn't feel like it, he forced himself out of bed.

“What do you want?” Gaster says, maybe a bit too harshly. Chara just pauses for a moment, probably notching he was tired.

“I kind of want to at least know if you can get rid of this power somehow.” They start, glancing around the lab that was empty besides them two.

“I'll see what I can do then. Give me two weeks at the least.” Gaster states. “Though, keep in mind that if we use whatever I come up eith then it may go on to someone else who may overuse it while you're stuck in a world that won't remember anything. Maybe it'll go back to the previous owner.”

Chara looked down and let out a sigh. “That'll be the least of our worries, I believe I just want to see if its possible anyways.” Gaster finally seemed surprised for once. It was as if they figured out who the previous one was.

“So Chatch is dead?” He mutters, earning a small nod from Chara.

“Before I dropped down here… people may be in chaos for a while…” They say. Gaster watches their upset expression for a moment as he pieces it together. With their run away, from a previous life and this reaction, Gaster deciding not to ask more.

“I'm going to continue my nap. I'll start working when I wake up.” He says and takes his leave. He can't help but assume their power problems are too close to home and that's mainly why they don't like it.

Gaster just decided to help them for the next month, larger than he expected. Souls are hard to control since they charge with the person's personality. Either way it gave himself something to do while he waited on Papyrus.

First | Previous | Next

[Index]

[blacksheep28]

Walmart

Orange turned to Shannon and gave her finger guns. “here we are.” He gestured to the Walmart.

Shannon stopped immediately and pulled into a parking spot regardless. "Orange... This is not the mall. I trusted you to direct us, dude," she sighed, faking hurt.

Orange snorted. “they do sell clothes here right?” “YOU SHOULD LET ME NAVIGATE,” Blue advised.

"I mean-- They do, I've gotten comfy and cheap pants here, but it's really up to you guys where you wanna shop," she shrugged. "And since you and Blue haven't even been in to a Walmart before... I don't think you're ready for its horrors."

“THE MAGNIFICENT SANS CAN TAKE ON ANYTHING!” Blue declared loudly.

Shannon stared back at him for a long, silent minute before letting out a sigh and unstrapping her seat belt. "Don't say I didn't warn you, guys."

Blue cheered in triumph, while Orange slouched deeper into his seat.  He did not see this going well.  Bill just chuckled, while Papyrus hopped out.  "COME ON P-ORANGE!" "you can go without me," Orange said. "WE'RE GETTING YOU CLOTHES! WE CAN'T DO THAT WITHOUT YOU!"

"You directed us here, buddy, you made your bed, now lie in it," she smiled, stepping out of the car and readjusting her clothes. "Let's go, Dreamsicle." Shannon immediately went for Bill's hand again, already too familiar with how he liked to wander and get lost.

Bill chuckled, accepting the hand holding good naturedly.  Orange groaned, and slumped out of his seat.  Somehow.  For a skeleton he was very flexible.  Blue bounced with excitement.  "ONWARDS! TO NEW DISCOVERIES!"

Papyrus strolled along with the group, occasionally waving at the humans they passed who stared at the skeletons.  He was very popular with humans on the surface.

In Ikea, they had far less chances of bad encounters. In a Wal Mart? Shannon reflexively walked a little closer to the skeletons, just in case. At least she was familiar with the store this time, and led the boys right back to men’s clothing. “Alright. Blue, Orange, roam free. Except don’t, maybe stick to this area. Easy to get lost.”

Some of the people stared, others walked away.  One actually hurried their kids off away from the skeletons.  Blue began to walk through the clothing section efficiently, picking out different pants and shirts and examining them.  Orange just stood there and watched lazily.  "PA-ORANGE! DO YOU WANT ME TO PICK YOUR CLOTHES TOO?" Blue offered.  

"that'd be great bro," Orange replied. "THIS WOULD LOOK GREAT ON YOU," Papyrus offered, holding up a crop top with BAE written on it.

Shannon kept her hold on Bill, watching with an ever anxious eye and following along at a decent pace. She pointed out a few shirts she thought would flatter Blue, both his frame and coloring. “Oh, that’s perfect,” she grinned. “You gotta try that one on, Orange.”

Orange chuckled good naturedly and accepted the top.  "alright."  The section slowly cleared of humans, save for one or two that were bold enough to stick around and were giving Shannon funny looks.  Orange finally put in some effort, digging through the hoodies.  He pulled out a rather comfortable looking orange one with a bone on it saying I Found This Humerous. "YOU ARE NOT GETTING THAT!" Blue said, appalled. "you don't find it rib tickling?" Orange asked.  Papyrus rolled his eyes.  Bill chuckled.  "tibia honest," Bill threw in, "it tickled my funny bone."

She giggled softly, both excited and amused to see the shirt on him. Shannon tried to ignore the looks, recognizing that they were there, and then promptly attempting to shove down the anxiety they instilled. "You know," she started, holding back more laughter, "He at least put some backbone into finding it, I'll give him that." "NYEH!" Papyrus screeched in agony.  "I THOUGHT YOU WERE ABOVE THAT FRIEND!"  Why would she betray him like that?  Bill cracked up laughing, Orange standing with a little pleased grin on his face.  Blue looked deeply disappointed.  "WE ARE TRYING TO SHOP HERE, NOT RUIN THINGS WITH PUNS," Blue pointed out.

A darker red appeared on her cheeks, but Shannon still smiled. "Hey, I'm not perfect," she shot back in her defense. "And what's ruined, Blue? All the stuff still seems to be perfectly intact, unless your magic eyes can see something I don't."

Blue opened his mouth, and was forced to stop as he realized she was right.  So he huffed and went back to looking through the clothes instead.  Orange idly picked at a few items himself until both were loaded with a full wardrobe. "ALRIGHT, WHERE'S THE TAILOR?" Blue asked cheerfully. "don't have one," Bill answered. Blue blanked.  "WHAT?"

"Tailor?" she echoed, tilting her head slightly. Did they really tailor their clothes before? "I mean-- I'm sure you could find one to take clothes in, but it'd probably be expensive. Humans just... Make clothes and hope for the best. If you have a non standard body type, good luck!" Shannon half smiled with a shrug. "That's why we try things on. But be glad that you're guys, your clothes usually use standard measurements, at least."

"HUMANS ARE VERY STRANGE," Papyrus said.  "THEY SIMPLY BUY CLOTHES WITHOUT HAVING THEM FITTED!  AS IF ONE SIZE WOULD FIT EVERYONE!"  He looked sideways at Shannon.  "THEY ARE VERY SIMILAR TO EACH OTHER AT FIRST GLANCE..."

"don't worry bout it," Bill assured Blue and Orange.  "i can help take in anything if it's necessary." "i could help with that too, i suppose," Orange mumbled. "SHANNON, DO YOU NEED HELP WITH YOUR CLOTHES TOO?" Papyrus asked gently.

Shannon tried not to choke, feeling herself flush despite the innocence of the offer. "That's-- Uh, thanks Paps, but that takes a lot of time and effort." And very personal measurements being taken. "I'll be alright. But frankly I am hurt you think I need the help," she sniffed, trying to tease and move on from that thought.

"OH NO HUMAN!" Papyrus rushed over to pat Shannon and assure her.  "YOU HAVE GOOD TASTE! YOU ARE QUITE FASHIONABLE! I SIMPLY OFFERED AS HUMANS SEEM TO LACK IN PROVIDING SUCH TO YOU."

"I-- Thanks, Paps," she murmured, reddening further and trying to hide under his hand. "Why don't we, uh, why don't we go try these clothes on, boys?" Shannon suggested with a gesture towards the changing rooms.

"ALRIGHT," Papyrus agreed.  Blue lead the way, and the WalMart employee blanched at seeing such a large group of skeletons approach him.  "The skeleton wars have started!" he shrieked.  He stumbled in his haste to run. "SKELETON WARS?" Blue asked in confusion.  Bill and Orange smiled flatly in the direction the employee had fled.

Shannon's lips pursed for a split second before she smiled at Blue, patting his shoulder gently. "Humans are dumb," she sighed. "Let me go find someone else, we need a key to open the doors. Bill, Paps, can you keep an eye on things for a second?"

"sure thing," Bill said softly.  Papyrus nodded his head.  "YOUR GUARD IS ON THE JOB!"  He saluted and went to stand on a chair, peering around the store.

She ran off to find a manager-- Both to get the keys for their use and to report the employee that had run off, with a too sweet smile.

"Yes?" the manager asked politely, fixing Shannon with a customer service smile.

"Your changing rooms guy ran off because my friends are monsters," she said evenly. "So A. we need a key to try on clothes, B. I wanna file a formal complaint."

The manager sighed.  "Very well ma'am."  He dug around for a moment before pulling out a complaint form.  "Please fill this out then."

She blinked at the form and pulled a pen from her purse, quickly scribbling out the information and handing it back. "Thank you. Now, would someone help us in fitting rooms, please?"

He stuffed the filled out form back into his desk and picked up the phone.  "Janet.  I need someone down at the changing rooms.  Yeah, I know.  I know.  He left.  Monsters.  No, I get that.  K."  He looked up at her.  "Someone will meet you down there.

Shannon gave another thanks, although she bristled at his tone. At least he helped at all. Papyrus went on alert as a human similar to the one who had run away approached.  "HELLO! ARE YOU HERE TO HELP US?"  The employee shivered slightly.  The skeleton was so tall and loud.  "Uh, yeah."

She hauled her ass back to the fitting rooms and smiled at her skeletal group. "Blue, Orange, you ready?"

"YESSIREE!" Blue cheered.  Orange bobbed his head.  The nervous employee unlocked two of the doors for the skeletons to go into and they began to mix and match the outfits.  Bill dozed off leaning on Papyrus as they waited. "THESE CLOTHES ARE STRANGE," Blue commented. "YOU GET USED TO IT," Papyrus assured him.  "AND DON'T FORGET WE WILL BE FIXING IT AT HOME." "There's something wrong with the clothes?" the employee muttered in confusion.

Shannon relaxed a bit when the employee didn't just run away on sight, throwing her a gentle smile. "If you really hate how something fits, you don't have to get it," she explained to Blue and Orange. "Usually my advice would be if you don't love it, don't get it, but that's kinda moot if Bill and Orange are gonna take stuff in, anyway."

"ALRIGHT! DONE!"  Blue came out wearing a black shirt with the planets on it and a pair of tan capris that hugged tight to his hip bones and loose around his leg bones.  Orange stepped out looking almost exactly the same as when he went in, except with the new hoodie on.

"You look cute, Blue," she smiled in approval, letting her eyes roam over him and take in the entire outfit. "I like that cut of pants on you, too." Shannon slid her gaze over to Orange and just threw out finger guns, grinning. "Hot."

Orange finger gunned back.  Blue posed.  "MWEHEHEH! SUCCESS!"

It took every ounce of self control for her to not just drop everything she was doing and fawn over the little skeleton. "Oh my god," she breathed, holding herself back. "You are seriously too cute."

Blue colored slightly before pushing it back.  "I AM A ROYAL GUARD IN TRAINING," he reminded her.  Orange just smirked.  He agreed his bro was cute.

"Yeah, so? Puppies in police academy are still cute too," she smiled, watching his face turn colors. "You're a cute little puppy, Blue!"

Blue scrubbed at his face.  "LET'S-LET'S GO."  He was a little offended that it seemed Shannon wasn't taking him seriously, but he did enjoy the compliments.  How should he react?  Papyrus cheerfully helped with the clothes, Bill slipping and falling over as his support moved away, still sleeping.

Shannon jumped to help Bill up back to his feet, fretting over him slightly. "You okay there?" she asked softly, letting the skeleton lean on her.

Bill blinked awake.  "heh. looks like i fell for you."

She almost fell down herself, just barely catching the two of them. "I-- Ha, good one," Shannon mumbled as red spread all the way to her ears. "Okay boys, are we all set?"

All the skeletons looked at Shannon, admiring how pretty she looked with her face flushed.  Blue definitely appreciated that the tables were turned on her.  Maybe he should flirt with her to keep her off balance.  He certainly would like seeing more reactions like that. "SEEMS SO," Papyrus remarked. "i'm good," Orange agreed.  Blue nodded eagerly.

"Great, then let's uh, let's go." She was eager to move away from Bill's stupid joke and her reaction to it. "Come on, science guy." Shannon led them back towards checkout, but not without slowing down and whispering to Blue and Orange. "Check the sight out on your left," her eyes slid in that direction. There was a girl wearing a bikini top and sweatpants, mismatched flip flop and Ugg boot, buying several bottles of alcohol.

The group checked it out.  "DOES SHE NEED HELP?" Blue wondered.

Papyrus split off from the group and headed towards the lady.  "HELLO HUMAN!"

The girl looked up at Papyrus and sucked what few teeth she had in her mouth. “The fuck do you want, monster weirdo?” she snapped at him. Shannon immediately stepped forwards to put Papyrus out of harm’s way, hoping to just slip back to their own checkout lane. "DO YOU REQUIRE ASSISTANCE?" he asked gallantly.  Bill smiled watching his brother, but there was something in his stance that was a little more stiff than normal.

“Not from your kind I don’t,” she huffed, flipping Papyrus the bird. “Get the fuck away from me before I call the cops!” Shannon grabbed Papyrus’ hand, trying to tug firmly at him. “Let’s just go, Paps, there’s nothing you can do to help human garbage,” she insisted, pulling decidedly away from the encounter. “Dirty monster fucker!”

Papyrus hesitated, but let Shannon pull him away.  "WILL SHE BE ALRIGHT?" he asked Shannon. Bill hung back, watching the human until Papyrus was far enough away he knew she wouldn't be able to do anything before following. "SHE WAS NOT VERY NICE," Blue stated reluctantly.

“Doesn’t matter. She’s not worth a second thought,” she said firmly, her brows furrowed. “That’s...putting it mildly Blue, but yeah.”

"OF COURSE SHE'S WORTH IT," Papyrus protested.  "SHE'S A PERSON." Bill slipped up beside Papyrus and leaned on his brother.  "don't worry too much over it.  i'm sure the humans know how to help her better than we do."

Shannon's lips pursed. It was sweet that Papyrus was so optimistic and wanted to see the good in people, but... Still, who was she to crush his spirit? "Like I said, don't worry about it, Paps."

They paid for the clothes, a little quieter than when they'd first gotten in.  "hey, why don't you take shotgun on the way back?" Bill suggested to Papyrus. "REALLY?" Papyrus asked. Blue wanted to protest, but closed his mouth.  Sitting up front would probably just lead to him getting flustered.  He wanted a chance to impress Shannon, not make himself look more cute and flustered.

"Yeah, why not? It's not a real, proper trip until my guard sits up front with me," Shannon smiled, pulling out her keys. "Speaking of this trip, did we need to extend it anywhere else?"

"WE'RE GOOD!" Blue assured her.  Papyrus beamed widely at Shannon.  "I WILL MAKE THE GREATEST OF NAVIGATORS!"

She laughed softly and opened up the car, sliding in. "I'm sure you will, Paps. Then we'll take you boys home, and I'll help you start with piecing the beds together. Sound good?"

"THAT SOUNDS GREAT!" Papyrus exclaimed. "you sure you don't have anywhere you need to be? like picking up meds?" Orange asked.

"Don't worry about me," she waved a hand, "I missed a dose, no big deal. It's not like it'll clear out of my system that quickly, just gotta make sure I take it tomorrow. Sweet of you, though."

"yeah, but keeping up with my brother isn't easy," Bill said gently.  "and there's twice as many of us now." "might get sucked into another sleepover," Orange teased. "THAT WOULD BE NICE," Blue agreed happily.  Papyrus nodded his head.  "YOU ARE ALWAYS WELCOME!"

Shannon was tempted to stare in her rearview for a minute, startled by their kindness and the way they were so eager to be in her presence. That was... New. "Uh-- I mean, like I said, I don't really have a life and I don't have work tomorrow, so I could in all theory? I'd have to stop by my place for a couple of things, though."

"exactly our point," Bill laughed.

"So... I guess we'll make a stop at my place?" Shannon felt a little nervous about that. Her place could be a little cleaner, but a depression streak had hit lately. "I'll make it fast."

"THAT SOUNDS GREAT!" Papyrus cheered.

She plugged her own phone into the AUX cord and hummed her response, letting her shuffle function pick a song. It just so happened to choose 'Obsessed', by Mariah Carey. "I know my way back to my place, Paps, so don't worry about directions just yet."

The group listened to the song curiously as they drove down.  "interesting pick," Bill said.

"I'LL JUST GUIDE US ALL HOME," Papyrus said cheerfully.

"Shuffle is a very unforgiving mistress," she grinned shyly at Bill. "But it is a good song. And you go right ahead, big guy, do as you please."

Bill chuckled.

[cecilspeaks]

126 - A Door Ajar part 3

Always keep your eyes closed during a storm. Otherwise your soul will get all wet and mildewy.

Welcome to Night Vale.

I hate sounding like a news media alarmist, but a phantom ocean has completely destroyed Old Town. I mean, destroyed. Wave after wave of cold brine has entirely swept away the Old Town drawbridge. Which is a shame, because the city made considerable strides towards its completion in recent years. Also missing: a number of cars, pets, human beings, and the teetering stack of bath tubs that granted wishes. A more complete list of the missing items has been posted at the newly reopened Pancake House. Come on down to the Pancake House, check if any of your loved ones have been affected by this horrible disaster, and enjoy free hotcakes. One free hotcake per missing loved one.

The surviving residents of Old Town have been placed with compulsory volunteer host families throughout the rest of town. Many of the survivors of the recent shipwreck have finally been placed in their own permanent housing, and are now hosting flood victims. Having experienced recent displacement themselves, The Really Tall One, Dr. Shouty, Old Wood Teeth, Rebecca, and the Captain are proving to be elegant hosts, and have been reported to supply slipper socks, steamed hand towels and all natural calamari flavored toothpaste to their guests. This generosity has put many Night Vale residents, who initially complained about hosting the shipwreck survivors, to shame. You know who you are, and so do we. There’s a list of those who should be ashamed of themselves posted at the newly reopened Pancake House.

Sometimes I get really tired of negative reporting. As the most prominent voice in local current events, I feel like what I say and how I say it does make a difference in framing the attitudes of the people who listen. That, that’s a big responsibility. So I’ve been thinking, it’s important to focus on the positive things too. I’m gonna try to do that more. Starting now.

What I said before was an exaggeration. Old Town isn’t completely destroyed. Oh yes, it’s uninhabitable, and some people who live there are now non-living. But there’s a lot of beauty left there, too! I mean, one might look over Old Town from the roof of the Earth Sciences building and appreciate the miles of pristine, shining water. Water we desert-dwellers never get to see! All of the tragedy and destruction is almost totally invisible beneath the waves, so it’s actually pretty easy to ignore. Oh, and one architectural landmark does remain. The controversial new traffic roundabout is glowing with blue light, and can be seen just below the water line, and will be ready to use again… soon.

Speaking of the roof of the Earth Sciences building, I should tell you guys what happened with Carlos the other night. It went really well, mostly. I mean, he was very open about the fact that he’s been hiding something from me, but he said it wasn’t a big deal and he doesn’t want to talk about it. I know I said all I wanted was for him to admit something was bothering him, and that him pretending nothing was wrong was really what was driving me crazy. But it turns out that wasn’t true. Now I’m being driven crazy by not knowing what it is. I mean, what if it’s about me? Even if it’s not about me directly, the fact that he doesn’t feel comfortable telling me it has to be a problem with us, doesn’t it? We’re supposed to share everything with each other, aren’t we?

I couldn’t let it go, so I finally asked him to see a couples counselor with me. The Really Tall One, who until last week had been staying with my sister and her husband, got her counseling license last week, so we’re going to see her. I even get a discount since she’s become so close to my niece Janice. We have our first phone session together scheduled for later today. I’m, I’m really hoping we can get to the bottom of this so I can stop obsessing! I mean, a-and also so Carlos can let go of whatever is distracting him so much, and then we can both get back to distracting each other. The emotional complexities of sharing a life with another are all that’s on my mind. Also, the sudden ocean which destroyed Old Town.

Oh, breaking news on that: all members of the Marine Biology Association have been reported missing. Randy lance, Girl Scouts Splinter faction leader, reports that the GPS tracking devices she secretly adhered to the biologists’ shoe heels have stopped transmitting, and no one has seen any of the biologists in over 24 hours. Members of the Tourism Board have declined verbal comment, instead offering a giddy smile while waving a giant foam number 1 finger. And with no biologists to throw a tantrum about menacing biohazards hidden in an unsecured locker, members of the Tourism Board have gone out to the storage unit in Radon Canyon to relocate their secret aquarium of semi-animate clear jelly collected from our new ocean to a more public venue.

Making our flooding situation even worse is the hard rain. On the bright side, we don’t normally get much rain around these parts. The gentle percussion of water is so soothing! It reminds me of my new sleep meditation track, Bloodstorm. More on the weather in a moment, but first an update from Radon Canyon. I’ve received word that the blobs of semi-animate translucent jelly in the Tourism Board’s aquarium have fused together to form one giant jelly cube that now completely fills the 12 foot by 12 foot storage unit from wall to wall. Horrifically unnerved by this discovery, agents from the Tourism Board who went to recover the aquarium have all left Radon Canyon and hired the Really Tall One for private therapy sessions. Head of the Tourism Board, Madeline LeFleur, released a statement which only said: “Well crap”. LeFleur was last seen in full sprint toward the airport.

And now, a PSA.

Deb: Hello friends. This is Deb, a sentient and occasionally benevolent, patch of haze. Speaking for the Department of Motor Vehicles. We’ve had some complaints about our eyeball donation program. We want to emphasize we created this program with only the best intentions. We’re sure you understand that. According to a survey, people in the donation program have been very satisfied they can retain some sort of consciousness after death. However, they have been reportedly very unsatisfied with what their eyes continue to see. This has ranged from nonconsensual television viewing in the middle of a season they’re not caught up with, to the witnessing of crimes and subsequent ethical dilemma of testifying in court against their own host bodies.

We hear your concerns. And you know what? Fine. The eyeball donation checkbox will be discontinued on all new DMV forms. The DMV itself has also been discontinued. If you need any services from the DMV, please go to another town. Please don’t call or come to the office. If you see any DMV workers around town, [tearily] please don’t speak to them or acknowledge their presents. It’s obvious you don’t like them. It will only make this harder for all of us. We think a little space would be good for us right now. But we do want you to know we were only trying to something nice. We care deeply about our DMV customers and have only wanted the best for you. We know that doesn’t make it right, but no matter what, just remember: the DMV loves you. The DMV has always loved you. That’s the important thing. If we could afford the rights to that Green Day song, we’d play. Good knowing you. Love, the DMV.

Cecil: I want to get back to the Carlos stuff, listeners. I really need to talk this all out, but I keep getting breaking news updates. We finally have word on the missing biologists. That’s good news. We found them out in the Scrublands. The bad news is we were only able to find partially eaten pieces of them. With the leadership of the Marine Biologist Association vacated, Randy Lance declared herself and the Girl Scouts Splinter Faction as the city’s foremost experts in marine biology. Lance surmises there is an aquatic creature of large tooth size and insatiable hunger living in this new ocean. Lance speculated the biologists were engaged in a heroic attempt to study the marine biology abruptly available to them, when events took a tragic turn. The biologists’ loved ones clarified that the biologists were actually fleeing town under the cover of night and got caught in the worst possible intersection of time and space, dying an agonized and terror-filled death in the exact matter that comprised their worst collective nightmare.

“He died doing what he loved,” a spouse of one of the deceased said. “Running away from his problems.”

[a song starts playing] Oh, oh look at the time! That’s Carlos and the Really Tall One calling in for our first counseling session. Um, oo, probably a good time for a weather report.

[“Clockwork Family” by Dan Warren. soundcloud.com/danwarren]

Well, that was an interesting first counseling session. Carlos apologized for being so quiet recently, and I said it was OK, I was just worried about him, and the Really Tall One said we both sounded like we loved each other a lot. And I said, well yes but that’s not the point right now, the point is I want to know all of Carlos’ secrets! And Carlos said, “Cecil, if it really means that much to you, I’ll tell you. The truth is, this isn’t my first phantom ocean. Before I ever came to Night Vale, there was an incident. It happened years ago, it was a different situation, but similar enough that I got preoccupied thinking about it these last few weeks. And sometimes I just need a little space to process things on my own first. It doesn’t mean I’m hiding anything from you. I mean, I kind of am, but if it were truly serious or was directly about us, I would talk with you about it. This is just a scientific and catastrophic phenomenon, not something to do with us.” That is verbatim what Carlos said. I wrote down every exact word, like an inexperienced journalist carefully investigating a huge story.

And then I said, “Yes OK fine, but what happened? What incident?” And – he said he still didn’t really want to talk about it and I asked the Really Tall One, “Aren’t there some sort of therapy exercised we could do to encourage Carlos to reveal every detail of his past to us immediately?” And she said “No”. And I said, “Maybe hypnosis or telekinesis?” I mean, she’s new to the counseling profession and maybe isn’t aware of all the tools available to be her yet. She said we have to accept that Carlos doesn’t want to talk about it right now, and maybe doesn’t want to talk about it ever. She said a person’s secrets are their own to keep or disclose and it isn’t necessarily an indication of the degree of intimacy in a relationship.

And I said, [chuckling] “Oh, really? Tell that to my 8th grade self!” Immediately embarrassed, I doubled down and said, “I played truth or dare and revealed to my friends that I’m afraid of mirrors and that I have a crush on someone in the room.” “That’s cute!” Carlos said. “Who was there?” And I said, “I can’t tell you!” And then I said, “I can’t remember, actually.” I don’t even remember what year I was in the 8th grade, let alone how old I am or even what I look like, because of the whole mirror thing. But I didn’t want to tell Carlos all that. It was too painful and complicated and not important. And the Really Tall One who could, I’m sure, hear all of my thoughts, smiled over the phone, which I thought was smug. I’m still not sure how I feel about any of this.

I have a lot more to say here, but there’s been some breaking news updates piling up on my desk. Let’s skim through the most interesting looking ones. Yeah. In order to protect us from the growing jelly cube and its apparent power to create random phantom oceans, the City Council decided the key to the jelly-filled storage unit in Radon Canyon will be destroyed, fed to whatever aquatic beast ate the marine biologists. A new budget line item was then approved to pay monthly rent on the unit indefinitely rather than, quote, “ever open that door again”. This cost to the city will be covered by the new tax increases on rental cars, gasoline, and dreams where you realize you’re naked in public.

A memorial service was held for the remaining body parts of the members of the Marine Biology Association. It was a beautiful service, in which each body part was given recognition for its unique contribution to the whole of who each person was. Inspired by this touching memorial, as well as the silent horror finally locked away in Radon public storage, the Tourism Board has decided to abandon plans for the Harbor Waterfront expansion project. Instead, it will shift its focus to renovating the recently destroyed Old Town. Plans for new Old Town are already underway, with some blueprints taken from the children’s redesigned Old Town drawing contest, hosted by the Girl Scouts Splinter Faction. The Captain is even slated to open a fusion restaurant there later this year. Mmmm, I love non-specific fusion cuisine.

[clears throat] Members of the Tourism Board have acknowledged that a huge amount of money and effort will go into the renovations and that all of the work, time, and expanse may or may not be destroyed by a similar incident at any moment. “C’est la vie”, they were hard to utter. It’s possible they actually said, “sepa vediare”, a protection spell that makes all sand eels harbingers of good fortune. Mm, hm.

OK, I only have a few moments of airtime left, and I just wanted to say, well… You know how if you keep staring at that one spot in the ceiling, it starts to look like a face? And the harder you look, the more it takes shape, and when you can finally see it really clearly, the face never disappears and it’s always there watching you? Or, or like how Oxyclean has those commercials where they can get blood out of everything from jeans to gloves to loaves of bread, but when you actually use the product, [angrily] those stains just never go away, reminding you day after day of what you’ve done? Or, no, OK, anyway.

[calm voice] What I’m trying to say is Carlos, if you’re listening, I’m sorry I freaked out and kept pressuring you to talk. Taking space for yourself is not the same as pushing someone away. And I guess I needed a little space too to figure that out. Whatever you need, I totally respect that. I can even go hang out at the Pancake House tonight if you- if you want some alone time. OK, I just wanted to say that before… Oh. Oh, Carlos just texted. “Come home now and I will do the opposite of push you away.” Well. Maybe what I’m trying to say is, [cheerfully] I think I’ve been on the air too long, I really should be getting home like right now.

Stay tuned next for bubble wrap being popped by rolling pins meant to simulate the explosion of fireworks.

Good night, Night Vale, Good night!

Today’s proverb: Pick a company and invest all your money in it. The absolute worst that could happen is that you’ll lose every cent and it would be terrifying and life-changing, so give it a shot.

[enkisstories]

The android cemetery (Chapter 18)

Viewed from the outside the apartment complex seemed to consist of window next to window and nothing else, long rows of glass held together by faith. Enabling people to live sheltered from the elements while still basking in the light - it really was a miracle of modern architecture (and materials). Alas, humanity! Behind all those high tech windows the humans were still the same old monkeys: mostly dissatisfied with everything, but easily distracted by sex. That was true as well for those not of the homo sapiens, but of the automaton deviansis variant.

It wasn’t the best afternoon for any of the three inhabitants of an apartment in the third row from the top. Daniel had continually scolded and insulted their new YK600 up to the point where even Gavin had to open Urban Dictionary in secret to learn what exactly was communicated. The man had laughed about the phrase for a good two minutes, before it had sunk in that his partner’s behavior was rather strange. Gavin had been under the impression that Daniel enjoyed caring for kids in general, not just Emma. He had done well babysitting Damian Miller, eventually won over the kids in Brindleton Bay and established a good rapport with Alice on the Adeline. So what had gotten the android so damn riled up against Evelyn-formerly-Turner? If anything, Gavin had expected the two to gang up against him, resulting in yet another shouting argument like the day before. Shouting was what they knew how to deal with, what they were used to. This development, however, was unexpected, irritating and therefore vaguely threatening. Damn androids! Gavin Reed concluded. If there was such a thing as souls, Daniel’s for sure had the worst direction sense of them all, entering an android body instead of a baby like a sensible transcendental apparition would have done! Now they had to live with the consequences.

Gavin put aside the tablet. Lazing on the couch he reached for a toy fishing rod that he proceeded to move around for Thor and Loki while his thoughts were elsewhere. Meanwhile in the kitchen Daniel seemed to have changed his tactics. He was now trying to pile work on Evelyn to get her out of his way. Only it didn’t go so well…

“You do not have the right to tell me anything!” the YK600 screeched. “You are only Mr. Reed’s android!”

“I’m not!” Daniel barked back. “Well, I am, sort of. In the same way he is my human. But not the way you think.”

“Shut up!” Lyn demanded. “And don’t try to give me any more orders, because if you do, then I…. I… Then I’m telling!!!”

“Oh? Think Gavin will take your side?! You little…”

There was a moment’s silence, then Daniel came storming out of the kitchen. Thor went into the air with all fours, hissed and ran in circles. Loki stopped mid-movement and looked at his two-legged “mama”, his soulful, eternally blue Ragdoll eyes full of questions. Daniel hunkered down. At first he was just crouching there, then he carefully extended a hand towards the cat. “Hey… hey, furball… Don’t be afraid, please. It’s still me.” Gavin noticed that the old gentleness had returned to his partner’s voice. That and the fear of having destroyed something precious in a moment of loss of control again. Loki gave Daniel’s hand a quick rub with his head, then retreated upstairs.

“Phew”, the android commented the absolution he had just received. The next moment he felt himself pulled on the couch by Gavin.

“This is getting out of hand”, Daniel said while leaning into his partner’s embrace. “We need to… Can you reach my phone?”

“Here. Do you want to call the Andersons? They’ll have a good laugh at our expense, but I doubt the suckers will help.”

“Nah. The ones who dropped that shit on us in the first place will have to solve it.”

“The Turners…?” Gavin started to ask, but Daniel had shushed him. The human swallowed the wrong way and coughed when he heard whom exactly the PL600 was calling:

“Hello? CyberLife customer service?”

“Cyber, cough, Life?!”

“We purchased a pre-owned YK600 as a gift for friends yesterday”, Daniel claimed. “Problem is, now it attempts to bond to us. It already acts as if my husband was its father! So what do we do now?”

The answer, although spot-on, wasn’t especially helpful: “The YK device needs to get reset by the new owner. You can do that yourself if you have the manual. If you do not feel comfortable with computers that’s not a problem at all. You can bring the android over and our shop personnel will gladly reset it for you.”

“Uh, thanks, but… we need to keep the YK600 a few days longer before the… our friends’ anniversary party…”

“I see. In this case just shut it down if it becomes a problem. The CyberLife smartphone app can do that, otherwise the de- and reactivation codes should be in the receipt of purchase.”

“Yes. Yes, we have the codes. Thank you…”

Daniel hung up.

“Words of reason from a human”, he sighed. “That’s something rare. I should rejoice. But I cannot bring myself to do what she suggested.”

“Shall I…?”

Daniel shook his head. He just leaned on, half sitting, half lying, outwardly comfortable, while struggling with something.

“Hey… hey, there, slide-rule… What’s the matter? You came storming in here as if chased by Connor in a full body polar bear suit.”

“I nearly hit Evelyn in the kitchen. I already had my hand raised.”

“So what?”

Daniel shrugged. “You wouldn’t understand why that is bad. Your parents never… or did they?”

No, the Reed couple had never slapped their son into the face. Jim and Dorothy hadn’t been opposed to violence in the broadest sense, such as a sharp smack on their kid’s way too thieving fingers now and then. But never anything that could be perceived as humiliating by their son. Life in general had made sure that little Gavin didn’t have to miss out on that experience.

“No, never.” Gavin confirmed, then added: “Although in one of her withdrawal episodes mom threatened to turn me in to one Captain Barnet. Does that count?”

“Hahaha!” The industrial background sound was still there, Gavin noticed, but Daniel’s laughter sounded far more natural than it had when they had met first or in Brindleton Bay.

Sweet deviant, I made sure had plenty occasion to practice since then.

“Thanks for cheering me up”, Daniel said. “Bottomline is, I know how it feels to be at the receiving end of degrading acts. And I almost did that to Evelyn in the kitchen just now. That’s why I was so shocked.”

“Uh-huh.”

There was nothing else to say, nothing to defend or justify and least of all parenting principles to discuss. Daniel was like that. He rarely tried to sway others, especially not a human, to his position in any given dilemma. Instead the android would shrug, say “that’s not how I do things”, maybe punch the other party once or twice, and afterwards make sure things were done his way. What you felt about that didn’t matter. Just doing things his way long enough for it to become a habit was good enough. It was one of the reasons why Daniel didn’t go along too well with the more preachy Markus and his followers.

“There’s something I never told you, or anybody for that matter”, the android broke Gavin’s train of thought. “You know how back when I was new at the DPD we didn’t laugh together. Instead you laughed me down.”

Accusation? After all this time? Worse, after he had just tried to lighten his partner’s mind load? That didn’t sit well with Gavin, so he shot back: “So what? You insulted me all the time!”

Instead of getting angry now, Daniel flicked his fingers and laughed again.

“Yes, exactly! And you punched me in the guts in retaliation while I couldn’t return the violence.”

The beatings, getting his face dunked into puddles or Gavin’s favorite when it came to “showing androids their place” – poking them into the LED… all the anger and helplessness… It had been far, far more than Daniel of all people had been able to contain. Unable to feed the detective his own medicine the deviant had instead channeled his newfound creativity into pranking the co-worker. Many a day Gavin had found himself soaked through, with a belly ache or utterly humiliated after having walked right into one of the traps the janitor had set for him. Except that one day when Captain Fowler had accidently picked up a laxative spiced snack intended for Gavin and the blame had for some reason fallen on Hank. That had been fun.

“The thing is, I refuse to forget this time as if it never happened”, Daniel said.

“You’re still mad…?”

“No, to the contrary! I mean, I’d be mad if you tried something like it now and you probably wouldn’t survive it. Back in ’39 your bullying was exactly what I needed.”

“You mean as deserved punishment for your deeds? No, wait, that’s not it. You do not swing that way. Okay, I admit you’ve lost me there. What am I missing?”

“Hatred, Gavin. Active rejection. To the Phillips I was nothing more than a tool. Caroline routinely switched me off as punishment for Emma. I got treated like an object. To the contrary YOU only ever TOLD me and Connor that we were things, while in practice treating us the same as your human victims.”

Gavin might have casually elbowed Connor whenever they the met in the floor, but he did that to a lot of people and often without thinking. Daniel instead had on occasion swiped the duster across Connor’s face when he had returned from an investigation, like one did with a piece of furniture. The RK couldn’t even protest lest he’d given himself away as a deviant. And it had made Gavin smile that cute rodent smile of his, so win-win.

“See, Gavin” Daniel went on, “Captain Fowler sometimes calls us his kindergarten, and he isn’t that far off. You gave me a taste of what middle school is like!”

A childhood, the deviant thought. Captain Anderson had provided the safe space for him and Connor to grow up in. And there was more: As Emma’s caretaker Daniel’s task had been to help raise the child into a successful, well-adjusted person. Daniel had accepted that as how things went in the real world. Then he had met the DPD officers, who were… everything but well adjusted. And yet they were getting from one day to the next despite their flaws, even getting results. The experience had been relieving in more than way to Daniel. Here was a dysfunctionally- functioning team that went as far as drawing guns on each other while working on a case. And Hank had outright shot down Connor to prove a point one night. Daniel hadn’t been awake again during either encounter, but been present at several similar ones. All those little scenes had shown him that one could act incredibly stupid and make the worst mistakes, yet life somehow went on and in the end things worked out more often than not. Blunders could get sailed over, their results mitigated. Almost nothing constituted the end of the world. Even if you mis-stepped as badly as Daniel had.

“I was like a kid away from home for the first time, free to be myself instead of having to strive to be the good boy”, the deviant explained. “Things would work out somehow, because they did for the rest of you, too.”

“I still understand only half of that at best, but I see you are happy. Are you…?”

“Yes. I cherish our shared memories, us being together now... everything!”

For the span of a few breaths they just hugged. No words, no thoughts and no lower parts stirring. It was a little sofa nirvana.

Eventually Daniel spoke up again: “Can you do me a favor?”

“Depends…”

“That wasn’t an actual question, you know!”

“Ah.”

“Would you do an extra shift or watch a movie with Tina while I guard the little toad? Anything to be away from the apartment for a while?”

Gavin couldn’t believe what he was hearing. Of course he had wanted to sneak away, had even come close to really doing so a few times today. But Daniel explicitly asking him to do it? What was going on here?

“See, Evelyn’s not just programmed to behave like a human child, but the perfect child.” Daniel had checked her manual online and it had creeped him out more than some of the crime scene reports he had copied in his time as a police auxiliary. “This model can get tailored to the owner’s idea of what a child should be like. There’s dlc for misbehavior, irrational fears and even common childhood diseases. But the most important selling point is that an YK android will love you more than a human child. CyberLife just now confirmed it on the phone. As the only human around, Lyn will inevitably bond to you, because that’s what her code tells her.”

When Gavin went “Eeeek” at that like a small rodent, Daniel grinned.

“What the fuck! I’ll be out of here faster than you can say... whatever. Bye!”

Gavin grabbed his jacket, the car keys and the shoes and was out in the floor in record time. He wasn’t slowing down the few steps it took to reach the elevator, either. But when the cabin descended to the ground, the man remembered that he still didn’t know what had caused Daniel to turn so hostile towards the child android in the first place. What had the fucking thing said or done?!

[jshaunatrosecottage]

Ok...so I don’t post much of my own shit, and consequently, I have almost no followers.  And...here I am on the eve of the great tumblr shutdown...and well, this is absolutely NOT the time to start trying to be active on this site.  So, of course, that’s what I’m going to do right now.

I work in retail.  Specifically a small boutique in Brooklyn, NY.  And hoo-boy! do I have some stories!  And I always thought that one day I would write them down, start sharing them, get some followers, then some more followers, then eventually a freaking-lot of followers, make some innocent comment on an Issue I’m invested in, get anon hate, make more posts debating the anon hate, get more hate, lose followers, and eventually be forced to delete my account because I can’t stand it when people don’t like me.

I don’t think that’s how it’s going to go for me anymore, but I’m going to tell my story anyway cause hey!  Why the hell notQ  Also, my laptop is old and dying and not all of the keys work.  Like the question mark, apparently, which I just found out...um now.  Most of them still work though...so yeah...bear with me please.

So, the store.  It’s a small boutique that carries small designers, many of them local (meaning they make the clothes right here in NYC, no sweat-shops, everyone paid a LIVING WAGE) as well as some small European designers (France, Italy, Germany) again, people who pay their workers decent wages to make the products.  This, of course, means that some things we carry are rather expensive.  Not everyone can afford this and that is TOTALLY OK.  I live in an expensive city, both in terms of rent and living costs, and while I make a decent salary I still couldn’t afford to buy a lot of what my store carries at regular price, so I absolutely understand when someone tells me that one of our items isn’t in their budgets.  There is NO judgement here.  In fact, the worst customers I have EVER dealt with are the ones with money to burn, the ones who expect SERVICE like I’m not even a fucking human being.  If you walk in our store and tell me you can only spend $20 for a gift I will bend over backwards to find you something that is awesome and in your budget, and if I can’t find it in our store, I will tell you which local store you CAN find it.

I also happen to live and work in one of the wealthiest boroughs in Brooklyn: Park Slope.  Seriously, look it up, it’s where all the rich people who can’t stand the Upper East Side live.  Which means I have also had to deal with some of the worst Rich White People I have ever come across.

Yesterday, I had one of the rudest customer interactions I have ever had.

An older white man came in.  I said, “Hello” because I try to greet each customer that comes in even if I’m occupied with helping someone else,  but he didn’t respond.  Fine.  Sometimes I pitch my voice too low and they don’t hear me.  No big deal.

He walks around, doing the sort of aimless stroll I see from people who are either killing time while they wait for their dinner reservation-friend to show up-idle checking out what we have (my backslash key doesn’t work, sorry).  Keep in mind that this is about 20 min before we are supposed to close and I can go home.

“Do you have any questions, or can I help you find anythingQM”  I ask.

“Well, my wife told me that everything in this store was great.  And that anything I bought for her from here would be great.  But, so far, I haven’t seen ANYTHING...great.” he said.

Awesome.  How excited am I to help this guyQM!!!  He literally just told me that nothing he had looked at was good enough to be called “great”.

So, I immediately start trying to narrow his field.  “Well, what were you thinkingQM JewelryQM  ClothingQM”

“How about a sweaterQM” he interrupts.

“Sure!” I say, latching onto his focus.  I show him a few sweater choices which he rejects.  Finally we find something he likes and he asks me to tell him about it.  I explain that it is a chunky-knit, over-sixed (yeah my you-know-what key doesn’t work, deal with it) sweater.

He tells me: “No woman has ever wanted anything over-sixed.”

I tell him: “Well, over-sixed is a trend we’ve seen for the last 3-4 years, but yeah, ok, you know more than me: aka the person who has been working in retail for 10+ years and have been hearing what women say about clothing, about how they feel in clothing, and about what clothing they love, but SURE: YOU ARE RIGHT, SIR.”

I may be bitter, y’all.

I show him yet another sweater, this one a cardigan, and he finally likes it.

I gift-wrap the sweater and a hat he liked and ring him up.  His totalQM MORE THAN $400 SO OBVIOUSLY, MONEY WASN’T AN OBJECT.

His final parting words: “I’m giving it to her tomorrow, so WE’LL SEE IF IT’S TRUE.  IS EVERYTHING IN THIS STORE GREATQM”  I just smiled and wished him well...cause...well, that’s what a retail-sales girl does.

No matter that he treated me like an idiot.

No matter that he thought; because I was a young woman, I must not know what I was talking about.

Retail-sales means having to read the customer.  You have to read body-language, ACTUAL language, as well as EMOTIONAL language.  Sometimes people have an emotional reaction to clothing.  As-in, it reminds them of a loved-one who has passed.  And if you work in a small boutique YOU HAVE TO HELP THEM THROUGH THAT TRAUMA.

I will ALWAYS remember the woman who was shopping for gifts for her sisters, having JUST lost her-their MOTHER.

It is hard.  It is hard playing therapist and saleswoman, but I try.  I discourage those who are obviously spending recklessly outside their budget while simultaneously trying to encourage those who have the funds to buy things that are ethically made. But it is a balancing act. One that I’ve worked hard to embrace.  I hope you have found some humor in the above story.

[melancholic-pigeon]

Oh good GRAVY it's fucking HOT.

It got up to 97°F/36°C today

And it's gonna be hotter (99°F/37°C) tomorrow 🥵

Is the ice bucket challenge still a thing? I think I might need it to be.

[dwestfieldblog]

2018 - NEW YEAR RESOLUTIONS

(Solve et coagula)

Untying the Not and Never Was...back from Britain...Hello pagan heathens, welcome to the 14thyear of the blog and variations on the theme of transcendental dystopia in the key of F sharp. Feeling positivelypriapic today...with a private new list of  ancient sins that would make even a priest blush...in joyous celebration of Bacchus, Aphrodite and Apollo... I have my own morals, but morals they are and are followed as such. I don't remember what I am taught, I remember what I learn.

Within two minutes of walking past airport customs into the English speaking world, see a display of Newsweek magazines with the front cover blarting 'Putin is preparing for World War 3 -is Trump?' So good to be back so fast into the feculant nightmare. Great to hear the baldhead is running for yet another presidential term and barring his most serious rival from taking part in the lip-service of democratic process. And threatening him with imprisonment for daring to suggest the polls be boycotted. Wonder who will win? Here's hoping today's pig is tomorrow's bacon.

I watched no TV news at all but of course read the Daily Horrors with my breakfast every morning for three weeks...The Golden Reptile in the mickey mouse white house...he doesn't believe in exercise because it is unhealthy for the body and has a Very busy working day from 11am to 5pm...with 'executive time' between the hours.... a separate bedroom with 3 TV screens and cheeseburgers to lull him to sleep until he awakes to tweet his dawn chorus of mindless excremental bilge. Direct quotes from his twitter feed –'My two greatest assets have been mental stability andbeing, like, really smart'... 'a very stable genius...' America....truly serving as a genuine example to the world. How does it feel to be pitied by those you despise and despised by those you pity?

Trump has a 'much bigger and powerful' nuclear button on his desk than Cheese Boy in North Korea... 'and my Button works!'. (How would he know? Hard to test.) Penis measuring across continents. Mentally unstable is a very generous description of these child presidents....And speaking of dumber than paint leaders with bad hair (nice segway eh?) I heard a wonderful description of the lying wannabe UK prime minister Boris Johnson... 'like an arsonist pretending to be a fireman', returning to the Brexit crime scene to save the day...

Another foul/fowl pretender to the throne of PM in the UK, Mr Gove, coming out in sudden favour of chlorinated chicken from the USA and GM crops via the ever popular Monsanto corporation. Follow the lobbyists, follow the money trail. Ignore (or defenestrate) those who speak for corporate interests until you have checked whether their words are actually an opinion based on long running verifiable tests of good health or sound bites paid for by a wedge of serious wonga/moolah/cash into their bank accounts... and/or a future job when they leave politics. Shameless filth. Eg. David Cameron now accepting a role with the Chinese government's one and a half billion pound infrastructure programme.

China said recently that the 1989 British ambassador's claim that 10,000 students were murdered in Beijing is a little extreme. Well it was. Running tanks over unarmed students cannot said to be anything else. 200 has been given as a more realistic death toll. It took them 28 years to come up with this number.

'Oh Lord make my enemies ridiculous'. (Voltaire) Thank you lord...thank you lord.Hallelujah, to coin a phrase...

Pope Francis used his Christmas message to advise his masses to drop 'all sorts of useless baggage'...'the banality of consumerism, the blareof commercials, the stream of empty words and the overpowering waves of empty chatter and loud shouting'. This is the sort of stuff which should indeed be spoken by spiritual leaders but shame he didn't mention talking snakes, pregnant virgins, burning bushes, self inflicted guilt over original sin or the endlessly Unchristian behaviour by his flock. (And there is a special circle in Hell for priests of any faith who rape children.) 'Useless baggage' almost covers it all. As Francis said; '...rediscover what really matters'... Or discover what reality matter is made of..

.'A cross on every hill, a  star, a minaret, so many graves to fill, Oh love, aren't you tired yet?'Cohen, The Faith. Why not not eat pigs together?

The same evil government shit as ever after a massive storm destroying homes... Hurricane Irma wiped out almost every home on Barbuda (Caribbean) and as in New Orleans and dozens of similar cases after a force of nature, the greedpigs move in fast. Deals between the politicians and land developers overpower the rights of those who lived there, such is the freedom of a life without morality. Rebuild and replace communally owned land with dwellings for the wealthy and push aside all former residents. If ever a group of men deserved the force of nature/an act of the Goddess against them and their property, it is these swinefeed.

The West and the East, the East and West, condemning each others' subversions... What came first, the pot or the kettle?

Demonstrations in Iran by the lower classes of all generations across more than 100 cities and towns against the endless drift of power upwards to Khameni and the mullahs...and money outwards to various non charitable organisations (fill in the blanks with live ammunition, missiles, rocket launchers, suicide bombers etc.) the lack of hospitals and social support, the lack of aid after natural disasters, corruption and price rises. 40 percent of young people are unemployed and starting to wonder where the billions are going...or else knowing where. Most, if not all of the above bullet points (ha) are strong factors in the West too...but in America the tension implodes and is directed against ethnicitiesrather than those actually responsible.. and in Britain/ Europe... hmm...Civil unrest is contained in blaming foreigners, thus encouraging Nazi opportunist populists to manipulate the easily persuaded angry mass into voting for them. And the suckers fall for it everybloody time.

Issues of utterly irrelevant social media opinion, autistic entertainment saturating the global human mind to applaud the lowest common denominator, rocking back and forth with glee at the latest exploits of the hollow kardashians and their foul ego stroking ilk, famous only for being famous...a mass debate on the meaningless, billions of people being trained to focus their tiny, blurred attention deficit spans on a multitude of soul numbing emptiness. All looking in the absolute wrong directions while meanwhile....

The strong and immoral arise and laugh their arses off, stirring, provoking, initiating... and they prepare...America and Europe are weaker and weaker. A few computer viruses here and there, shared passwords, blackmail via disinformation,  man made disasters, plenty of random shocks, a constant underlying panic, threats and needling rhetoric result in.....on one side, an aggressive focused mobilisation of forces with intent and on the other, half a billion people with the spiritual bravery and intelligence of a pillow. At some Rubicon of a breakpoint, paranoia becomes common sense. The clock is now at two minutes to midnight. Be aware.

BE AWARE.

'The universe is a total construction of waves and vibrations whose inner content is 'Meaning', and Man is a micro system of the same vibratory nature, floating at some depth in the universal and meaningful wave system. The universal wave system is qualitative or value structured according to its vibration rate spectrum (faster frequencies have more informational capacity).David Foster

'Information is not knowledge, knowledge is not wisdom, wisdom is not truth, truth is not beauty, beauty is not love, love is not music, music is the best'.... speaking of which...Sufferers of schizophrenia with audio and visual hallucinations could be aided by learning an instrument or by listening to music, says new research... Musical aptitude has a strong effect on 'the white matter integrity of the corpus callosum', which protects against the disorder. Quite tempting to comment on the plethora of musicians of all creeds who are obviously unbalanced, unstable and dangerous to themselves and others. Maybe too much music eh? Arf. Never. Anyway, Love IS music and music IS love Sorry Frank.

'All lovers young, all lovers must, consign to thee and come to dust'. Shakespeare -Cymbeline.

'Micro dosing' is one of the 'new' trend things...(as opposed to non functioning overdose situations) brought to you all the way from Silicon valley. That's right... just one tenth of 150 micrograms of LSD will aid you in your chosen field (no pun intended, almost) to break through, focus, go within, go OUT and open neural pathways blocked by the mundane and logical. I have not tripped on acid since 1985 (and that last trip was just over 21 hours long before I took sleeping pills to make the galaxies stop flowing through my brain.) Have been very tempted over the years but truly didn't want or need such an eternity of multidimensional senses while still in flesh...(once the doorway is opened, it stays opened.) This micro dosing is highly interesting however and I will do this this as soon as the first possibility appears. Still think I prefer October mushrooms....Where the Heart Is, in a Halo of Stars.

Picked up a leaflet yesterday...Non stop erotic massages and hotel escorts in Prague... 'Your imagination has no limits'...ermmm...ahhh..hmmm...probably not, but there are laws and only so much available cash this evening..Or, as Alien Sex Fiend sang, 'Everybody's got what everybody wants and everybody wants what everybody's got.' Well, almost.

If liberty means anything at all, it means the right to tell people what they do not want to hear.' So sayeth (saideth?) George Orwell. Doesn't seem to apply to British and American universities where the mind fecking 'Safe Space' ethic is rigidly enforced by the twenty something brain police. Anything which could be offensive or disagreed with, is banned.....That comedian who once made a joke ridiculing transgenders... REMOVE him from the list of those who should speak... that woman who said the holy land is bollocks because the old testament was just some non verifiable book which told the Hebrews what they wanted to hear? No platform for her, no stage for them unless it has a gallows pole upon it. (Yeah, self fulfilling propaganda works like a dream every time. Bullshit is half of the charm.) You university morons. You MORONS, working for the enemy, for ones who seek to bring YOU down. Who seek to cage and contain thee. To limit the horizons of creative expression and put a sterile tank around truth. Poor little fragile youth, too delicate to be offended, WHY AREN'T YOU ANGRY? The ancient schools of Sumeria and Greece would be disgusted at your level of human intelligence. 

You cannot make up your own mind until you have exposed yourself to all shades of opinion and distilled all. Read what you disagree with with, it is a fascinating comedy...and very often reveals that what you thought you know, you do not Feel.

The man of the crowd is a weakling; people who need people are the stupidest people in the world. Evolution requires individuals, a union of outsiders working in random harmony...or...'Talent hits a target no one else can hit. Genius hits a target no one else can see'. Schopenhauer. I know some of this may seem like nonsense. But it's a discipline and I do it with purpose.

Meanwhile, remaining emotional attachments to the socially acceptable drugs...I Want a cigarette or a Strong Drink, or at least, at long last, a painkiller that actually works. Arnica Montana and DL-Phenylalanine don't quite cut the mustard. Thirty minute pause while I go for a walk in the cold dark park, come back home and cut my own hair for the second time in my life. (Not bad at all, just as good as all my last cuts by semi professionals...) One side is half an inch longer but WT actual F? Who cares? Fate is gonna find you with a glass of champagne? Make it a triple espresso and half a bottle of good whisky and then we can talk. And a cigarette...my lack of smoking is making me want to claw and bite this wood table into splinters. There...a normal paragraph of usual life...just in time for the end of a page.

Favourite depressing headline from the new year...'Couple who left son to drown in lake were poor parents, judge concludes.' The wisdom of Solomon. My favourite headline from last month has to be ;A fried egg has no place in the nativity, say 77 percent of parents”\ My first thought was, uff, so 33 percent think it is ok?? My second thought was, well, why not eh? Makes as much sense as anything else in that twisted story....I read a useful column in a newspaper last month, called 'Failsafe ways to spot a Liar'. Glad to see my instincts were right according to researchers and clinical psychologists. Some humans are bereft of as much emotional intelligence and morality as AI machines. Blame it on childhood trauma,always an easy way out. How was the first year of your life? Use trance hypnotism recall, recall and release.

'The key task of a muse is to allow the artist to see his own feminine aspect that is otherwise invisible to him and to be a screen that fits the artist's projections. What completes the artist isn't the intrinsic qualities of the romantic interest but the artist's own feminine archetype. So, to the extent that the artist's projections dominate or replace the muse's own qualities, the muse's soul is dissipated.' Allan Showalter, psychiatrist.

Time to go back to being oblivious to the 'news' again, in the two minutes which are left, there is space to become plenty of nothing and locate your Will. See you in a few weeks after my probable final birthday, which falls upon an Easter Monday this year. Too late for a resurrection (well, there are pills for that anyway) but in time for the beauty of rising Spring with the binary healing of cabala chakras...every man and woman is a star...Stay well....

[universeinform-blog]

Android Circuit: Massive Galaxy S8 Leaks Reveal Everything

New Post has been published on https://universeinform.com/2017/03/24/android-circuit-massive-galaxy-s8-leaks-reveal-everything/

Android Circuit: Massive Galaxy S8 Leaks Reveal Everything

Taking a look again at seven days of information and headlines the world over of Android, this week’s Android Circuit includes all of the info of the Galaxy, more information on the release date, secrets of the Samsung Browser, Nokia avoids the flagship combat, why coloration is the following cell war, the extraordinary OnePlus 3T, a long-term overview of the LG G6, and Google’s new Family Link software program for Android.

Android Circuit is right here to remind you of a few of the many stuff that has befallen around Android within the remaining week (and you could discover the weekly Apple information digest right here).

The entirety You’ll Love Approximately The Galaxy S8

Are you geared up for the huge tick list of thrilling matters in the Galaxy S8? Forbes contributor Gordon Kelly has the listing, he’s checked it twice and Samsung is prepared to visit metropolis with the 2017 flagship, in addition to the overall numbers:

Further, [industry analyst[ Kuo expects a 6:4 shipment cut up in favor of the Galaxy S8 with forty-45 million handsets sold all through 2017. This slightly decreases then the 52M Galaxy S7 units shipped in 2016, but Kuo says That is no cause for Samsung to be disenchanted. Instead, he points out Galaxy S7 shipments were unusually high because of the recalled Galaxy Note 7 which driven capacity Be aware customers back to this handset. the next huge moment inside the cellphone story of 2017 will be the launch and launch of the Galaxy S8 and S8 Plus handsets by Samsung. With a media occasion on March 29, the focal point turns to the timing of the retail release in April. TechRadar has more on the diary control:

Samsung’s teased the Galaxy S8 on video, and now it begins placing up print adverts in elements of Asia, giving us clues as to whilst we might be capable of buying it. One of the posters, spotted by way of leaked @UniverseIce, contains the reference to April 2017, and as the Samsung Galaxy S8 is being introduced on March 29 meaning April is probably whilst it’s going to hit shops.

The poster doesn’t certainly display whatever else new, but it all over again highlights the threshold-to-part display, and with a big ‘S’ inside the center there’s no question that That is an advert for the Samsung Galaxy S8.

The popular know-how now is that pre-orders will start via April 10th, with the first handsets physically released on April twenty-first.

Android Application Development Solutions – Where Did It All Start?

When Apple was first founded via Steve Jobs, Steve Wozniak, and Ronald Wayne in April 1976, to increase and sell private computers, the era changed into astounding, and not anything like anything we had seen earlier than. With digital era so superior, human beings had been convinced that no other competitor could ever evaluate. Then something pretty amazing passed off While Android stepped up to the mark. Android, Inc. turned into founded in October 2003 through Andy Rubin, Wealthy Miner, Nick Sears and Chris White. The aim of Android was to broaden…

Smarter cellular gadgets that are more privy to its owner’s region and Andy Rubin

At this modern-day time, Android’s intentions were to create operating systems for virtual cameras. However Whilst Google obtained Android Inc for $50 million in July 2005, it changed into in question whether or not Google had been planning to enter the cellular phone marketplace, and that they did! Google then developed a platform for mobile devices powered by using the Linux Kernel and has firmly rooted the Android emblem as it’s miles these days. Considering 2008 Android has had numerous updates to streamline improvements in its operating systems, and with its interface capabilities and customer usability, it’s clearly considered to be a force to be reckoned with!

In latest years Android has slowly been changing an increasing number of iPhone consumers into Android customers, because of its elite functionality. Thanks to this, there has been a surprising surge in the wishes and development of Android packages, however, what does it take to make an Android app?

All apps have the ability to increase the functionality of the tool it’s using within a sure technical region, so with regards to Android software improvement solutions, all are written the use of the SDK (Software improvement Kit). The SDK presents an intensive set of improvement tools which incorporates Software program libraries, a debugger, a handset emulator, documentation, a pattern code, and tutorials. Java is used as the principle programming language because it has whole get entry to the Android APIs (application Programming Interface). different improvement tools are generally to be had just like the Local development Kit, the Google App Inventor that’s remarkably visible surroundings for any trainee programmers, and of direction a diffusion of cross-platform frameworks for mobile internet programs.

Of path, if you’re a non-technical person and this sounds particularly overwhelming, then there are quite a number IT corporations inside the virtual global that would assist you to fulfill your imaginative and prescient, and construct your Android App for you at a value. Although the disadvantage of this is that you may need to pay out a touch more to get what you want, on the plus side of things you will be working with a business enterprise that may provide a team of experts, which generally has an extensive heritage in Android software Software improvement. Most services will abide by way of improvement recommendations and rules, which guarantees that your Android application won’t comprise any dodgy surprises. Also, Maximum IT organizations will provide comprehensive utility checking out, protection checks and Also product guide on launch, and in some cases thereafter.

Once your Android app is good to head, you could sell it on Google Play, wherein customers can download it for a small fee or totally free. Google play is the primary app save this is mounted on all Android devices that follow Google’s compatibility necessities.

How to Build Massive Muscle Workout Program

Hello My Buddy,

Do you understand that “the high-quality physiques had been all built by way of tough paintings on the fundamental, heavy responsibility sporting activities?” There are no exceptions to this announcement. Even smooth-gainers like John Grimek and Steve Reeves who could build up muscle very easily could have never reached the Hercules-sized muscle mass they built without a maximum attempt. John Grimek labored up to squats with six hundred pounds, in the back of the neck presses with three hundred pounds, and bench presses with four hundred kilos and this became inside the days before steroids, HGH and unique lifting shirts and leg wraps!

Genetic advantages or not, John Grimek skilled tough and heavy to earn the massive body he obtained that let him emerge as the only an entire life Mr. The united states. And so did every different character with steroid-unfastened natural constructed massive muscle whose muscles are not simply bloated pumped-up tissue. WHAT these primary sporting activities are, and how hard you ought to work on them for extraordinary outcomes, is the “secret components” you must practice to make a reputedly “simple exercising” right into an “outstanding workout” when you perform it!

My Preferred simple exercises for maximum Muscle Boom

1. The Squat – Normal, parallel, heavy respiratory style

2. Stiff-legged lifeless elevate or bent-leg

3. Bench urgent – barbell or heavy dumbbells, Incline or flat bench style

4. Rowing – Bent over, barbell or dumbbells, one or two arm

5. Army Press – Seated or status, barbell or heavy dumbbells

6. Energy cleans barbell or dumbbell

My remark and experimentation have led me to consider that an exercise is productive in building “muscle tissue” if it lets in you to use very heavy weights brings into play the Massive muscle corporations — and creates plenty of over-all frame fatigue.

From this vantage factor, it is clean to look why most of the sporting events observed by way of most weight lifters do not degree as much as the standards required for building most muscle mass. Minnie-mouse sporting activities like Back-to-the-wall-awareness-curls, lateral increases, frontal leg extensions, triceps “kickback”, lunges, cable go-overs and different physical games of the like are a waste of an entire life in case your purpose is to build large muscle tissue.

Shop yourself a lifetime and in all likelihood wasted years of effort. Do no longer hassle with the little sports if your aim is to attain your genetic potential for max muscle length and power.

I at an entire life, get plenty of flak from trainee’s, “muscle gurus” and want-to-be muscle developers when I write articles or deliver a seminar speaking the reality about sensible barbell education for constructing real muscle that lastsThe comments from meat heads, the “commercial-muscle-makers,” the steroid-takers and others don’t hassle me one bit. I let them do their element; my venture is to train the fact to folks who want to the actual solutions to constructing real muscle without all the commercialism and hype.

Welded Wire Mesh – Everything You Need To Know About

Production manner for welded wire mesh

Welded cord mesh has replaced the fashion of concrete fencing to a terrific quantity. This assists with a transparent partition and is found generally used with stadiums and parking space. However with the years, now humans also are using the identical for guarding their homes. In line with the welded wire mesh producer, the Production process includes various machines including the lathe or transformer. These machines employ the electric power to feature and achieve the project.

Cloth used for manufacturing welded twine mesh and their characteristics

Transferring in advance with the Fabric used for production welded cord mesh, the most popular Fabric that is used for the reason is stainless steel alloy. This alloy is fabricated from diverse factors which include nickel, chromium, copper, nitrogen, carbon. Upon undergoing the conversion procedure, These metals show sizable changes in their mechanical and chemical properties. They render tremendous homes like resistance to annoying cracking, anti- corrosive and sturdy. But, alike all matters, it’s too is the situation to wear and tear. Up to a widespread duration says 3-4 years, no weather condition can result in corrosion, But past the equal, corrosion isn’t uncommon. To prevent the identical, it’s miles suggested to offer a coating of nickel or Percent on the same. This enhances their durability for another ten years.

Search the only you want as according to your wishes

Nowadays there is a massive quantity of welded cord mesh producers inside the market offering a wide range to cater your myriad of wishes. Of path, the only supposed for residential fencing can’t be used for fencing your farmland or a commercial complex. These wires range regarding Material used, design and size. Other than the identical, you could additionally get wires as per your given specs to fulfill your preferred needs. The only component you need to do right here is taking the pain to search for a depended on welded cord mesh producer imparting you with this provider.

Right choice for less expensive fencing

Aside from rendering a tidy and smooth surface, welded wire mesh additionally adds a decorative contact to your home. Together with Those, every other enticing function you revel in with Those is that they’re without problems less expensive while in comparison to another fencing forms. So if you are looking ahead for an inexpensive yet durable fencing, not anything may be higher than going beforehand with the same. Take time from your busy schedule and search for the most dependable supplier in this field.To make your Search smooth, the internet is there to your rescue.

[melancholic-pigeon]

Recently took a fatigue screening assessment thing and I scored a 6.9 out of a possible 7. 🥴

I always forget that my fatigue is actually significantly worse than my pain. My pain is moderate to severe. My fatigue is just plain old severe.

You would think this would allow me to stop beating myself up over being too tired to do things, but unfortunately I am very good at beating myself up.

[melancholic-pigeon]

HEY HEY if you're on stimulants, DRINK SOME WATER! RIGHT NOW. GO. Frequent sips are better than infrequent gulps. Ice is an acceptable alternative.

I'll wait!

Got your hydration? Awesome! On to the explanation:

Don't be me.

I just learned the hard way about adderall tongue (don't look it up if you're squicked by mouth stuff) and how it's more likely in certain versions of the generic...like the one I just filled a couple days ago...and is associated with dehydration and not eating enough...and I've been having p terrible nausea and fatigue the past week or so and not eating or drinking enough.

I'll put the horrifying mouth wound details under a cut. Be warned!

Spoiler: it did not go well.

Basically, bruxism or grinding of the jaw + dry mouth + involuntary oral movements like cheek-sucking/tongue-thrusting = all potential adderall side effects anyway, and when you add in all of the above PLUS my tiny jaw/dental crowding/chronic allergic glossitis or mildly swollen tongue meaning it's quite literally too big for my mouth right now...

I am not having a good time. I have tooth-shaped sores all along the entire outer edge of my tongue from it shoving up against them and getting caught in the grinding, like half my tastebuds are swollen, the entire roof of my mouth is all raw, the insides of my cheeks are bloody and oh yeah I CAN'T TOLERATE SOLID FOOD

BUT WORSE?

I can't inhale weed either, and I'm out of the edible concentrate and can't get more until September, so also, THE ENTIRETY OF MY PAIN HAS BEEN ALL BUT COMPLETELY UNMANAGED FOR MORE THAN 24 HOURS.

I may call up my psych and see if there's any way she can send me the brand name and I can give back the generics or something because this did not happen until I opened the generic bottle, which tells me it may be something in the dye or the stabilizers or something.

In the meantime I'm not going to take it every day. I'll see if I can get it to calm down if I get on top of the sustenance first, but I'm going to take a few days to heal first. 💀

[melancholic-pigeon]

Out of nowhere I have developed an EXCRUCIATING sinus headache/migraine double feature, like the worst migraine I've had in months

hurts too much to sleep, also has not responded to the maximum painkillers I can take because that would be too easy, apparently?

I have no idea what to do at this point and I am bored and in agony and I have an appointment tomorrow, dammit!

[melancholic-pigeon]

I have another appointment coming up, which means I'm going to have to undermedicate so as not to suppress symptoms again.

Yay. It was so much fun the last time. 😒