#help me god | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

kelsstars · 2 years

Text

Now Or Never - Carl Grimes x Y/N (gender-neutral)

Warnings: SLOW BURN, smut (18+), receiving!y/n, receiving!carl, fingering, protected sex, loosing first times, angst (miscommunication), finding comfort, slight jealous!carl, slight jealous!y/n, swearing. All teenage characters are set to be 18-19, so a bit different than the original timeline.

Summary of the prologue: You and Carl have known each other since kindergarten. Yet after the whole world fell down in front of your eyes, the chances of meeting again would be slim to nothing. After 10~11 years of looking for a stable group of survivors, you found and now live comfortably in a place called Alexandria, with your friends Ron, Mikey and Enid. Until one day, when you sneak out, you come across two strangers from a group near your home and you happen to recognize a familiar face.

A/N: This will be one of my first fanfics that contains a first perspective Y/N gender neutral reader as I want to satisfy everyone with this! Feel free to send requests. :))

Words: idk but it’s beyond long. 😞

“Fuck..” You say as you look down at your leg. You were just ambushed by a zombie, barely getting away but luck is on your side today, as the walker got caught up on a trap you had previously placed some days before. Though, it did managed to rip your jeans a little, your breath quickens as you search for any scratch or bites. You were safe, but you never knew when you couldn’t.

‘I can’t do this, I need to get back inside. What if Ron finds out I went out?!’ You mentally told yourself.

Your friends in Alexandria were rather nice most of the times, but Ron had.. problems. His dad wasn’t the Dad Of The Year, nor would he be close to that title, so you believed it rubbed on Ron as years went on. You and Ron had always multiple fights about getting to explore outside the safety of the walls. Not only would he always bring up your traumatic upbringing up until Alexandria to make you stay inside, he would also comment that you would use it as an excuse to smoke cigarettes. Well, he wasn’t far off from the second argument, but you never actually smoke. Near the ‘safe zone’ of Alexandria, you would always light up a cigarette and leave it to burn on a empty tombstone. You don’t remember how long you had done it for, but you knew exactly why you did it. It was the grave of what you once were.

You reminisced of times when you went to school and you had to sit by your only friend that your memory refused to block. Carl Grimes. He was the sweetest boy since kindergarten until you were about 8 and he was 7, right before shit went down. You always wondered in the dead of night if he had lived as far as you did, and if he was dead, where was he buried. You wanted to be buried a long beside him, he was your first love after all, you two were inseparable, reading comic books every moment you had got in break, made friendships bracelets that you had eventually lost after 3 days because y’know how kids are, but your favorite time of all, making sleepovers at each others houses so you could stay up and watch the stars from his yard. It wasn’t his interest to begin with, you had always loved the stars and wanted to grow up as an astronaut, and when Carl had heard about such, he started to like them too because of you. You thought it was adorable and that was probably when you started to like him, but the day you were about to invite to your place for another sleepover, you saw him leaving school with his mom and another man, who you don’t remember well his face nor name, but you know that after he took Carl into his car, you never saw him again.

After the apocalypse started, you came running home as chaos was running right behind you. Cars crashing, people screaming and being eaten right in front of you, of course that can change someone for the worse. You arrived home with your dad immediately handing you a baggage with your stuff, food and water and you never looked back.

It would be nice to continue your inner dialogue and how you had lost your dad and future people as you watch the cigarette burn on the empty grave. But you hear voices not far from where you stood.

“Dad, where are you going? Wasn’t Alexandria that way?” A calm yet a slight raspy voice questions their parental figure, you figure he’s around Ron’s age since you have heard the teenagers in Alexandria voices change and go through changes.

‘Sigh’ - You hear. - “You have no idea, WE have NO idea these people are. They could be murderers for all I know, and my main mission is to keep everyone in the group at bay and in a safe place.” A much more deeper and scratchy voice coming behind you. You rushed to hide inside an open tree near the grave but the fallen leaves crunch under your steps, giving away your presence.

“That doesn’t answer my ques- Wait. Did you hear that?” You hear as the supposedly younger male clocks his gun. Welp, you fucked up this time.

You start praying to every god you can remember, even when you have never believed in such things, it’s not like you had the time to focus on religion after everything that has happened to you. But this was different, this is one the few times you had stumbled upon danger and unfortunately, you saw no way out unless a miracle happens.

“Carl, how many do you think there are hidden here?” Carl?! Huh. Ironic how you were thinking about your childhood friend and now you were getting hunted down by the person with the same name.

“I heard few footsteps, so I’d say a walker, I can handle it. Don’t worry.” The older figure, whose presumably his dad, gives a quick okay and you hear as he walks away and this supposed ‘Carl’ slowly approaches your hiding spot. You held your hands up to your mouth, hoping no breath or sound came out of your body.

“Pst pst psst..” You hear ‘Carl’ call out to you. How dare he?! But then again, he thinks you’re a walker and not a person, so being cat called should be least of your proble-

You look up to see a gun pointed right at your face outside the tree hole. For a few moments you can’t tell if you’re about to cry, scream or do anything. You’re just shocked.

“Who are you?” The male asks, obviously not in a friendly mood. It takes a few minutes to indulge and zone back into reality as you observe his body up and down. He has long brown hair, with a fringe that covers his right patched eye. Speaking of it, it seems he only had one baby blue eye, as his eyebrows furrowed, slight veins appear on his hands and he looks pretty wearing a sheriff’s hat. He had sweet little freckles that reminded you of someone you once loved and knew. Wait. You could not believe your own vision as you slowly piece together who the person in front of you might be.

“Carl?” You pause. “C-Carl Grimes?”

You watch as Carl’s eyes widen not breaking eye-contact, his face goes from shocked to an aggressive look once more, yet his voice sounds confused.

“How do you know my name?” His grasp on the gun seems to tighten.

“It’s me, Carl, Y/N (Y/L/N)! Remember us in school? We used to watch stars together before everything went to shit, do you not remember-“ You suddenly stay quiet.

The boy immediately lowers his gun, even tugging it back in his gun holder. You could tell he was about to cry because he stood there biting his lip with watery eyes. You hurriedly get up from your tree spot and hug him. Neither of you could not wrap your head around that either of you were alive.

Oh, how you wish you could kiss him and just break down on his sweet warms arms.

You break out of your thoughts as your hear Carl’s dad, Rick. It was nice to see a familiar face that reminded you of your old life, of course Rick was skeptical as to why you two were hugging, since he could not recognize you with everything that happened, but after a walk to Alexandria, where Rick’s group had already arrived, Rick seemed to have recognized you. There were many new people. You recognized a lot of their names, but for personal reasons. It made Carl amused to know you were involved in his life once again. And so were you! Having Carl communicate with your friends and his group bounding well with everyone in the community. Yet you have noticed that Enid seemed to get closer and closer to Carl, which set you off.

Presumably, from your calculations of days, 4 months had passed and your relationship with Carl had, unfortunately, rapidly declined. You would always have a quiet time every time you were paired up together in scavenger hunts, or even when the teenagers all met up to play games together. It broke your heart to know that for the first two weeks with him being back, you had catch up on everything you lived through all these years. And then it stopped. Or well, Carl stopped. He started to become more rude to you, every time you would show up, he would ignore you or lock himself up on his room. Him, Rick and Michonne had decided that the house you were staying at more comfortable for Carl’s young sister, Judith. You were happy at first but now it was hell to live through. As weeks went by, since Carl had stopped talking to you, it was the same routine of him running quickly to his room every single time he saw you.

It pissed you off.

Not only because your childhood friend and crush was avoiding you, but he still hung out with your other friends. Especially, Enid. You would always catch them reading comic books next to each other and even, listening to loud music right in Carl’s room, which happened to be right next to yours. You still liked Enid, she was your friend after all, but you never thought she would like Carl back because she would always talk about Ron to you. The day you confronted her about it around a month ago, and she admitted that she liked Carl and no longer shared feelings with Ron. If that wasn’t the tipping point of your jealousy, you don’t know what was.

In ‘revenge’, you started to hang out with Ron a lot more. But in reality, you didn’t even realize how much closer you had gotten, especially since you had a rocky friendship in the past. You were still a bit skeptical of his behavior but this was until one day you were playing checkers on your bed with Ron.

“Hey, Y/N, mind passing me that small butter knife over there?” Ron looked up from the game, clearly he must have been bored of not playing other games in your house because you had given most to Carl when he first settled in.

“Yeah, sure.” You lean over to reach your bed side table to grab the pen. “Is there a reason why?”

“Yeah, let’s write each others names on the big tree outside where you always hide away!” Ron seemed a bit too excited over this idea. He even turned his face away, from embarrassment of how enthusiastic he must have sounded to you.

You laugh at the idea. “Is this not what Michonne and Rick said they did so their love could live through forever?” You remembered when Daryl found out their initials on the tree they had carved their names on. You were always a fan of Daryl’s comments on Michonne and Rick’s relationship. In fact, he was not against it, but he still seemed against the idea of romantic affection being shown in front of him.

“Well, of course not. Pfft! We’re just friends…, right?” Ron sounded hopeful at the end. Too hopeful for your response to say contrary. You noted to yourself that his face seemed to turn red and redder the more you took to answer.

“Oh Ron, of course! You and your family first welcomed me with open arms and you have been one of my closest friends here.” You stopped as his face was giving the ‘continue’ look. “But-”

His face immediately went serious, but he started to put the checkers aside and slowly approach you as your back hit the headboard of you bed.

“It’s okay, Y/N, I’ve noticed how you’ve been approaching me and I can’t let you go. I’ve waited for this moment for years. These feelings didn’t disappear even when I was into Enid! Please, Y/N. Give me a chance to make you feel alright.” Ron says it so confidently, not even you have the words to say anything.

A brief silence occurs.

“I see the way you looked at Carl when you first arrived. I guessed immediately, he was the first love you talked about so much for the first few years you were here.” Your eyes widen. Shit, is this really the time to bring up your past right now?

“Ron, look. I’m sorry I can’t reciprocate your feelings, but is this the time to talk about him? You know more than anyone even I get disgusted by that nam-“

“LIES!” Ron suddenly screams at you. You flinched a little, it has been awhile since you had a fight so you forgot what he sounded like angry. “I SEE THE WAY YOU LOOK AT HIM! DON’T TRY TO TRICK ME.” He threw away the butter knife under your bed.

He had a point. Your head filled with butterflies whenever you saw him smile or having fun. Especially when you were out on your runs, where he would do a little smile whenever he killed a zombie cleanly.

“Y/N! One. Chance.” Ron looked up at you, cooping your cheeks with his hands. He was going to kiss you. Your first kiss was going to be Ron. Just the thought of that happening made your stomach twist, never have you thought of Ron in a romantic way, and it surely wouldn’t change now!

The door burst opens mid inner dialogue and Ron leaning to kiss you. It was.. Carl?

If you didn’t remember seeing Carl that upset, you sure would remember now. He seemed more hungry for murder as he looked at you when he first found you in the tree, a while back. He immediately pounces on top of Ron, preparing to get into a physical fight with him. But why was Carl this mad?

“WHAT THE FUCK, GRIMES?! WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU ARE DOING?” Ron tries to push Carl off of him but to no avail.

“NO ANDERSON, WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?! DON’T YOU HAVE ENID OR A DEAD WALKER OUTSIDE TO BE SMOOCHING?” Carl basically barks back at Ron, both holding each other by the collar.

“OH, YOU WANT TO TALK ABOUT ENID? YOU BASICALLY COME HERE, STEAL MY EX AND THEN BREAK MY CRUSH’S HEART? YOU’RE AN ASSHOLE!”

“DON’T CONFUSE ME FOR YOUR STUPID FUCKING DAD. HE’S THE ASSHOLE, NOT ME.”

“YEAH? WELL, WHY DO YOU KEEP AVOIDING Y/N, HUH! YOU ACTED SO CARING AND THEN YOU JUST STOPPED. YOU BROKE THEIR HEART, BASICALLY PLAYING WITH THEIR FEELINGS. BUT THEN ACTING ALL SWEET TO MY GIR-“ Carl cuts him off before he continues spouting his thoughts.

“YOUR GIRL? YOU BROKE UP WITH HER! AND YOU KNOW DAMN WELL, WHY I AVOID Y/N, IT WAS YOU WHO TOLD ME IT WOULD MY WEIRD FEELINGS GO AWAY. THEY GOT STRONGER.” Carl and Ron kept going back and forth and-

Weird feelings? Wait.

“What?” You spoke out loud your own thoughts, the boys turn to look at you. Carl’s face turns slightly red as he realized what he just confessed. Ron looks confused and embarrassed.

“I… I need to talk to Carl. Now.” Your demeanor turns serious. This was it, you had your shot to talk through everything with Carl.

Now or never.

“But-“ You cut off Ron before he could finish.

“But nothing, Ron. Please, see your way out, and Carl, sit by me, this instant.”

Ron takes defeat as he walks out of the room, leaving with a death glare to Carl. Carl takes a minute to finally have the courage to sit by you. Finally, you can talk, face to face.

“Carl… Why have you been avoiding me? Be honest.” Your voice cracks mid sentence, you try to hide your tears from your so beloved who finally stood next to you.

“You want the full story?” You nod. “Alright.” He sighs before continuing.

“Ever since we started living together, it has been great, I got new friends, I got all my family from the outside and now all have their own houses and live comfortably. And especially-“ he carefully approached his hands near to yours. “I got to see and live in the same household as you.”

“I missed you so so much. And that day, it was one of the only days I have cried ever since this ordeal has begun. I cried when people died, but seeing that something from my old past life before this happened, gave me hope that there is good in this world, if you were still alive.” He scooted a little close to you, as he maintained eye contact. “I had realized as the small time we updated our lives and I got to know you again, that I fell for you. Once again.”

Your face feels itself warming up to his words, but you still had questions to ask.

“But why were you ignoring me, if you fell for me?”

“I…” His whole appearance changes. He starts twitching and crossing his legs. “I started feeling something weird happening to me. Like, I felt butterflies in my stomach when I saw you but, it was something else.”

“What was it?” You raised an eyebrow.

“I can’t.. say.” He looks away from you for the first time. “I went to Ron and Mickey about it, they said, I was ‘horny or excited’. I started having perverted thoughts about you and.. I felt bad because they both said that girls feel creeped out by guys who think that way.” You can see his ears turning red, he was blushing just from saying out his feelings. “They said that if I had hung out with Enid, since I didn’t like her nor does she like me, I could look at you normally, but it failed.”

It ticked you off that THAT was the reason he kept avoiding you. He got boners and thoughts from seeing you. It.. made sense, actually. He always left dinner as soon as he was done and going to his room right after. How did this not cross your mind?! He also did not know of Enid’s feelings and you were going to stay quiet about it.

“You know that, those are completely normal feelings, right?” You comment, and laugh right afterwards. It was cute to see him all bothered up because of you. “That is called feeling sexual attraction, it comes along when you first get romantic feelings. You can always NOT have sexual attraction even when you like someone, that’s valid but, it seems that isn’t your case.” You look up at him as he stares at you back, biting his lip.

“Does that mean that.. you don’t hate me for thinking of you in dirty ways?” He pauses as he tries to hide the fact that he is looking you up and down.

“Well, I’d be lying if I say I didn’t think of you the same way some times..” You also turn away from Carl, as you feel your face warm up.

You’re two touch-deprived and in need of each other’s love and affection teenagers. It seems that neither of your feelings left even when everything you knew turned upside down. Yet it made you feel happy that you wanted him as much as he wanted you. Actually no. You NEEDED him, and he desperately NEEDED you back.

“Hey, Y/N… Do you mind if.. I kiss you?” He makes brief pauses in the middle catching his breath. Which makes you wonder what could possibly be making his breath so unsteady, and then you look down at his pants. Ah, understandable. His dick was about as ready to burst, he was probably gonna come to your touch as soon as you started making out.

And that’s exactly what you did. You wrapped your arms around his neck and he put his hand carefully around your waist. You could tell you both had waited for this moment for a long time. To be honest, you had actually predicted this moment, which made you get some condoms from Daryl on his last run. He definitely looked at you weirdly when you handed him the paper of stuff you needed.

Carl starts moving from your sloppy make out down to your neck, leaving marks all over. You were loving it. You asked if you should both take off your clothes, and he wasted no time. Carl basically rushed to take off your shirt ad you took off his. Once it was done, he was looking directly at your revealed chest and you looking at his. He didn’t a have a six pack, and thank the heavens for that. He was just the perfect amount of slight shown abs and it matched him so swell. His smile grew a bit bigger as he observed your chest and he started sucking and softly biting around your nipples.

Where the fuck did he learn that from?!

You scratch his back, deepening your nails on his pale skin. You wanted to make sure your mark stayed on his body forever. He made you lay down on your bed and Carl began kissing your torso until where his lips and your pants met. He looked up for approval to take them off. God, his pretty eyes staring with desire at only you, made you go crazy. You gave a nod of approval, and he wasted no time taking them off and throwing them away on the floor, along with your underwear. He observed your hole, and began to explore it by playing around with his fingers. You noticed that he still didn’t take off that grin off his face, you weren’t complaining, in fact, made you as horny as him probably.

“Y/N, do you mind if I enter my fin-“

“Just do it, please!” You didn’t even let him finish the sentence. You were so desperate for his touch, it was driving you mad.

His smile only got bigger to know that you were in need of him, and he inserted his fingers. You gasp, as his long slender fingers explored inside you. You felt your breath getting heavier and heavier as he inserted two more fingers. If you couldn’t handle his fingers, how would you handle whatever monster was hiding in his pants. He suddenly took them out, making you look at him.

“I’m sorry, Y/N. I want to do it so bad.” Before you could ask what was it he was talking about, he put his tongue inside you. You twitch in excitement and can’t help but let moans escape your mouth. He is making out with your hole and both parties are enjoying it, he is more than happy to just know that you’re his first and he is yours. Carl stops for a moment, that thought just made him even more trouble than ever. His dick was about to rip through his pants. As he begins to take his pants to revealing a hungry red/pinkish colored dick, basically pulsating to enter you, you remember of your condom.

“Wait, wait!” Carl looks confused at you. “I have a condom! We can’t get another Judith just yet!” You both giggle and he managed to open the condom. He rolls it over his cock , as you take a moment to indulge in the mystery in Carl’s pants. It looked perfect for you, a match made in hell. You gave a slight slime at Carl as he looks up at you, daringly.

“Are you sure it’ll fit?” Carl question as he positions his tip to your entrance.

“We’ll make it fit, Carl, we both desire it.” You gave a reassuring statement. It was enough to make Carl loose his control.

Carl thrust into you, and as you are prepared to moan, he starts making out with you to keep the noise down. He just wanted to keep the monas to himself. He lets you adjusts and when you have calmed down, he starts moving again. With every thrust, you feel both your bodies connecting more and more.

“Carl, f-faster!” You start begging.

“Fuck, Y/N… You’re about to crush me with your walls. Are you sure you can handle me?” You nod and he grabs your hips. “Alright then, you asked for it.”

His speed rapidly increased and so did the intensity of every thrust. His hands felt gentle on your skin, moving along with your body structure. You can feel his dick inside you, twitching and you hear him whimper your name, the faster he goes.

“I think I’m gonna c-“

“Me too, baby, me too…” You can tell he’s out of breath, but he still makes effort to make you feel good. You feel as one of his hands travels to where your entrance is and starts playing with it. You started whimpering and moaning Carl’s name, louder and louder. He is enjoying seeing you so vulnerable to him.

With few last thrusts, you came at the same time, luckily, the condom didn’t rip inside you, but when taking it out, it made a mess on Carl’s cock. He was still hard somehow, and he was embarrassed at it. As he was about to get up from your bed to not make a mess, you approach your head near his dick.

“Y/N, what are you doin- Nghh!” He quickly stops his sentence as you start licking and sucking his dripping cum out of his dick. He calmly places a hand on your head, and starts bopping up and down. You can tell he’s getting close with the way he pits his head back. Your speed gradually gets higher and when he’s about to to come in your mouth, Carl pushes your head down as deep in your throat as possible. You swallow what ‘surprise’ he left you, as he lays next to your body, catching his breath after your intense first time.

After cleaning up, he tucks you in your bed as he cuddles with you under your cozy blankets.

“So… Does this mean we get to finally be together?” Carl breaks your comfortable silent.

“Well of course, I don’t want anyone to ever take yours kisses or take your attention away from me!” You pretended to be actually upset over that matter, as you snuggled your head onto his chest.

He laughs and pulls you in closer. “I’ll never let that happen. Not Ron, not Mickey, definitely not Enid.”

“Not now or ever.” He kisses your forehead as you both drift off to sleep.

#carl grimes #twd fanfiction #carl grimes smut #carl grimes twd #twd #the walking dead #the walking dead carl #smut #fanfiction #help me god #twd daryl #twd rick #rick grimes #alexandria #carl grimes x y/n #carl grimes x reader

979 notes · View notes