#hence why she's just fucking gone from... the everything i guess

[eloquentgod]

...There's some people lingering around, of late. Wonder why.

[seankayos]

Arcane Season 2 Part 2 thoughts and theories

Because holy shit this show has grabbed me and isn't letting go, cannot wait till next.

Also what the fuck, I need to process

So right off the bat the pacing is a lot faster, like I remember Season 1 was like being on a rollcoaster, this feels like jumping out of a plane. Exhilarating, but definitely an escalation. Still works though, at least so far.

I knew Isha was fated to die the second I saw her in the previews, she was just too damn cute and too damn close to Jinx for the writers to resist, and honestly I'm kind of OK with it? As interesting as Jinx essentially retiring to be a stay at home mum was I think I'd rather see her process grief from a position of love rather than trauma. Plus, you know, Isha wanted to be just like Jinx, and what's more Jinx than blowing up Vander?

Speaking of the most dysfunctional family anywhere in Zaun, Piltover or anywhere else, holy shit I loved Warwick in this, a genuinely terrifying werewolf that spat blood everywhere and yet made you feel genuine sorrow at his condition as well. Dude's been through it and then some.

Cait and Vi are still going strong through their divorce arc as I knew they would, with everything that's gone on these two are solidly locked in as the end game couple now. One more argument to let Vi finally get a win in (because seriously, for being the designated bruiser she can't win a fist fight for shit this season) before the much anticipated sex scene that they allegedly upped the rating for. Going off Vi spitting on Cait and then her wiping it across her mouth, shit's going to get freaky.

I've already reblogged something about Viktor but I just want to say I absolutely loved every part of the compound, but especially how understatedly creepy the whole thing was? Like, yeah, art nouveau cyber-magic hivemind hippies, fucking awesome, but none of feel like real people, at least compared to Zaun or Piltover. I think the flashes of them we get from Jayce's perspective of them as warped and broken puppets is accurate, they are peaceful because Viktor thinks that's what peace and cooperation look like, when in reality it's more like unquestioning obedience. Shame though, I really did love Viktor's whole mind quest to the soul of Vander, regardless of how badly it went.

As for Jayce, big theory time; this is a time travel plot now and we're seeing Jayce at the end of it. Those flashes we see are actually from some hypothetical bad future where Viktor expands his 'glorious evolution' to all of Piltover and Zaun and it all goes horribly wrong, hence why he looks so much older (even accounting for the.....roughly 4 months, I guess, time skip) and so incredibly haggard and traumatized. Dude's got a Mad Max shout out knee brace, you don't just get those unless you're from The Dark Future™. My guess is Viktor asked Jayce to go back and kill him, which is why he keeps repeating he won't fail and just kills Viktor with basically zero hesitation. Or, more accurately, kills the Hexcore, leaving Viktor alive(ish) to become something else. After all, from what I can tell from the League lore videos I watched a while back, VIktor used to be able to buy a Hexcore prototype that looked like the purple one we saw, but also had a normal Hexcore that provided different upgrades. He might start again down a different road that avoids the Bad Future but which makes him more of the explicit villain.

[storiesofsvu]

Okay, I just finished reading Classified Affair and I really needed a cute story with Ms. Dunber, maybe a story with a few chapters? Just kidding, unless someone accepts :)? Well yeah, but the thing is, this story really got me in so many different ways, you know, and you are a complete talent for being able to transform me into this emotional mess, and after reaching the end I can only thinking "Wow, a new story (because I've read everything you've written) would be great." I think it's amazing how it was possible to go from loving to hating to liking Heather again in the story, and it really makes me think how things would be if the way she acted in relation to the confession of love, if things had happened differently perhaps under different conditions, or with her knowing how to take the lead and solving things as it should. Dude, sorry for the monologue, lol, but I don't know, the story really touched me and nothing fairer than me sharing this with the person who made it. I just wanted to let out everything that made me feel this story, thank you for your time and sorry for anything.

hahahah yeah that one's a wild ride.

I currently don't have any requests for Heather. I've gone one tiny little WIP but it is a leftover from a holiday bingo last year so it won't be picked up til Nov/Dec. Feel free to take a look through some prompt lists and if something jumps out at you, send in a request or two! (i am no longer writing series, mini series or two parters though)

As for CA:

-first, thank you!

-second: there is a follow up series that takes place I think 7 years (and oh so much therapy) later where Heather's back in DC and slowly repairing her relationships.

-third: for CA I have this version of Heather in my head that is an alternate universe sort of era. There's a lot that goes into making her this twisted, toxic person that she is and that starts a very long time ago and is enforced by every big decision that she has to make in her life. This is gonna get long so it's going under a readmore and this is kinda my character study of her in this fic/universe i guess lol

i've toyed around with writing a prequel for this fic to explain why she is the way she is and it's basically this

-heather knew she wanted a successful career from the start, that she wanted a government job and wanted to get as high up (and thus powerful) as she could, esp if that meant a presidency. That's what she's been focused on since day one. She knows that she has a higher chance of being a better candidate if she has the picture perfect family, white picket fence and all. Even if it may not be what she wants. She marries her high school sweetheart, her first kid is meticulously planned and born in the gap between college and law school. her second was an earlier surprise and ends up being born while she's finishing law school. This leaves them living out of state with the help of house staff that she doesn't really know with the kids. I kinda also canon becca to have been a super needy baby that heather didn't know how to deal with, hence why she ends up high key resenting her as she grows up.

-So she's trapped into all of this from a very young age, she knows that in the long run it'll help with what she wants but in the moment, she kinda hates it and ships them off to boarding school as soon as she can to get some of the major stress out of her life. Because of course she has incredibly high standards for herself in all aspects of life and she feels like a failure of a mother.

-there are two major components of life that can turn people into worse people and those are power and money. Heather has had money all her life, and like, a fuck ton of family money that isn't going anywhere. She's likely already used to throwing money around to get what she wants and isn't used to being told no (and this comes up n one of the follow ups that it's a generational thing, her mom is just as bad as she is). With the power, you'll notice in CA that the closer she gets to that presidential spot, the more she starts to lose it. That's all she can see, she's blinded by it and only her career. She's watching her family fall apart around her, being served divorce papers, and she doesn't actually hit rock bottom until she's lost her job. That's when things start to come a little clearer for her.

-I explain this because: if you asked her (prior to all the therapy lol) she 100% did react properly to the reveal that yn had developed feelings. Heather went into every SB relationship with contracts, ndas and expectations. They knew she was marred and she both couldn't and wouldn't give that up to risk a try at something that might not work and would definitely damage her political image. She went extra hard on yn about it to create that clean break if yn wasn't able to get her shit together, so she wouldn't come crawling back, if that makes sense.

-by the time we meet heather in this story, she's just already toxic af. and she doesn't know right from wrong because she's been so wrapped up in her head and doing whatever she has to to get what she wants. she's so twisted that she doesn't even know herself by the end of it. AND let's not forget that somewhere along the way she's also likely having some kind of sexual identity crisis too lol.

-i have had some people say that they could see heather and yn working out if they worked through things, or that they *should* but i personally do believe that yn saw toxic and slowly figured out she wanted out, that there was no way to make it work even if heather wanted to. there would be so much to untangle considering heather legitimately owned her by that stage. everything important heather had bought. there was a HUGE power imbalance and financial imbalance and that's exactly why heather went for her in the first place. there could be some speculation that yn was the first girl heather *actually* had feelings for and that sparked an even bigger fire to the explosion because heather was even more confused at herself and didn't know how to untangle that web. she went back to her default of being mean. and i think in all three parts of the story that piece is never really figured out, heather's not sure. so that's left up to the readers interpretation

anyways, i don't know if that's the kind of response you wanted but that's what ive got for you lol. thank you for your kind words, i hope you're having a wonderful day!

no reason to apologize and always feel free to come scream in my inbox about my fics (especially ones like this lol)

[irrelevaantidiot]

Get ready for a yap fest in 3.. 2.. 1..

OKAY so ur AU right. I fr love the concept and everything, so obviously, brainworms.

One of my fav bands (the crane wives) has recently relased a new album, so obviously, again, brainworms.

So. My brain has connected the two into a very specific thing that could only work if i draw it. But im fucking lazy.

So get ready for Moths Inconherent Description Of A Big Nonexistent Drawing With Some Of The Lyrics To "Predator" By TCW Because Why The Fuck Not ™️

"Whats the worst thing that could happen, whats the worst thing you can imagine" - not really literal to the lyrics, maybe just astrobiology hanging out together or smth?

"This world is a nasty place, Im afraid to get comfortable" - BH feeling out of place on uh.. earth? Where the fuck is the universe set in (personal headcanon but shhh)

"Unavoidable disaster" - The Tree incident

"Serial overreactor" - This could be Fanny imo. From BHs perspective she is overreacting about the team loosing and the whole pact thing

"My head is a nasty place, I'm afraid to get comfortable" - BH getting ��️The nightmares✨️ after decapitating his boyfriend i mean boyfriend i mean best friend

"What were you thinking, shouldnt you know better" - BH blaming himself for the incindent and stuff

"You opened a door for an apex predator" Tree trauma monster nightmare demon thingy

I dont think the rest of the lyrics fit the au or astrobiology itself tbh but the brainworms have taken over. Anyway ramble over i am so sorry for this

Peace

OHOH OH OH SHIT YOURE RIGHT. I AM ADDING ONTO THIS INTERPRETATION. IF YOU DONT MIND

the whole "bh feels out of place on earth" thing like. makes complete sense to me actually. in my gijinka interpretation he was a space creature before the more "human" form I guess i can say. and he doesn't remember anything before the new form. it drives him mad tbh.

"Your heart is a nasty place—I'm afraid to say no to you" An exchange of sorts. Trauma monster Tree is like "I hate you you suck" and Black Hole just kind of. takes it. because, well, he blames himself for what happened. so he feels he HAS to take the deprecation or whatever his mind throws at him. the torment and guilt and anything else. hence "I'm afraid to say no to you" being blackholecore. listening to this song makes my brain switch the imaginary animatic in my head between waking moments and the horrific dreams "I am fighting for survival" I can imagine this being Black Hole being constntly and constantly haunted by the incident and the dream stuff, and he just keeps going and going. Idk how to explain it just works man :gay: "I keep forgetting that you won't learn so I keep getting hurt" I can imagine this being Tree himself telling Black Hole that, atleast in his dreams. (Trauma monster Tree is always switching between like "I hate you I hate you this is your fault" and "I forgive you. I love you." type shit.) I imagine Tree trauma monster saying those kind of things as a result of the shit he has gone through tpot 8-10. especially in black hole's nightmare?? it just makes sense to me. not sure how to explain.

get shoved into the brainrot playlist thank you for sharing this ramble with me. ALSO TYSM IM SO GLAD YOU LIKE THIS AU AND THOUGHT THIS UP. new animatic idea.

[ssvperboy]

i am a little annoyed about something so pls. just allow me to rant for a moment bc its what im good at lmao

my mom went into the ER bc she's peri-menopausal and she's been feeling a lot of pain in her abdomen/like, pretty heavy cramps. we initially summed it up to peri-menopausal pain from what she had described, but its persisted for the last 3 days and has not gone down at all... it's been affecting her every movement so she said "im going to the er, my friend is comign with me, pls stay home" and as much as i definitely would've gone, I: 1) know she's not going alone, 2) called her an uber so she didn't have to drive and 3) am being updated constantly. i also work tomorrow morning and she and her friend do not, hence why she asked her friend to go.

cut to my dad (who has never spent a night in the hospital with my mom since i was fucking born who has spent one DAY in the hospital with me and my mom once bc i had terrible cramps and couldnt walk and needed someone to carry me out of the house, BUT he was mad the whole time he was there 🤨) having a good ol' discussion with himself (technically with me but i have started ignoring anything he says bc hes just been pissing me off for months now ngl) about how i should be the one there with her and how could i let her go alone and a bunch of great, nice shit to really hammer away at my conscious--which btw, he didn't even NEED to do that bc i already feel guilty for not going. i literally feel guilty for everything all the time, so that wasn't necessary. BUT i know my mom doesn't want me there, she wants someone who understands what shes going through (i offered to go many times before she just outright said no)

unfortunately, i could not hold my tongue and i said "would u go?" bc the obvious answer is no. i've been accompanying my mom to the ER since i could have a proper conversation because he's refused. for years. so why now? (its bc theyre fighting). tell me why this man got in the car and went to the ER so he could stay with her? and i mean, yes, GOOD. THANK FUCK, actually. love my dad loads but lately (and mostly always, ngl) he's been an extremely selfish pos while under the impression that he's not being selfish at all??? idk what the fuck u call that.

anyway. he was all "okay.... bye i guess.... i am going now.... good bye" like.... 👀 just go???? anywayl. good for him for actually submitting to his role has a husband. i love that for him.

[silaschamberlain]

"Coming from your mouth? Tomato, tomato," He offered up with a shrug, only for a sharp laugh to break from his lips at the mention of Alyssa. "Have you met your mother? Everything out of her mouth was a complaint. Well, after she had you. She used to be a free-spirited hippie who walked around a lot without a bra on, but that's neither here or there. Yeah, well, I'd apologize for ever being with her, but then you wouldn't have been born-" And while the verdict was still out on whether that would have been shame, for now, he found himself looking positivity towards this little reunion. "And that would have been a shame."

"Oh come on, Linden. You're smarter than that. I don't have to convince you of anything. I chose to go to prison, obviously. How do you think I broke out? I walked right through the door," He explained, not bothering to hide the disappointment in his voice that his son hadn't been able to put to and to together. "I mean, seriously? Did Jazzy never mention me? The council was becoming a pain in my ass, not that you care. They fear dark magic and want you all to live in fear, hence the town border and all the propaganda about how 'the hunters will kill you if you dare step one foot out of town' ya di ya dah. But, you were just out of town yourself and why don't you tell me? Were you scared?" He asked cocking a brow up at Linden in question.

"My guess is if you're so willing to leave and come back, you know deep down that the most powerful thing out there is pumping within your own veins just beneath your skin. Not some humans with some bows and arrows, but you, a gifted witch, who has far more potential than your mother ever wanted you to believe. Hence the fucking with your memories, yeah, Poppy told me about that one. And while you don't care, as you've made abundantly clear now again and again and again, which not to get all nuanced on you or anything, but kind of seems like something only someone would repeat a whole bunch if they secretly did care? Anyhow, I'm not here to console you. I'm here, believe it or not to help. Poppy, Jas and Briar specifically, but you by proxy. Your sister is grieving the life she once had as I'm sure you've overhear. And while I can change the past, I can with some of the more unsightly side effects. While you may not care to have a relationship with you dear old dad, your three sisters do. Briar the most and I want to have a relationship with them to. So, if you want to know why I'm here, it's to make you a promise. If you do exactly what you're already doing now, mind you're own business and continue to smoke your life away out in the middle of the woods with no one around, I'll help the people we love most. But, if you'd rather I leave or let the Council know about me, say the word and I'm gone. But, then its on you to tell your siblings as to why, because I will have heard you loud and clear and will never contact any of you again. That's all. Do with it what you will."

"Was I complaining?" Linden asked, cocking his head. "If you take every comment as a complaint, it makes sense why you and Alyssa got together." He said the edge of his mouth tweaking up into a smile as he took a drag from the cigarette, the smoke filling his lungs - letting the little dig from his father slide. He oddly had no desire to impress the man he had chased through his memory his entire childhood, trying to grasp at whatever his mother had been trying to erase. The only Reed son had a talent for accepting the insanity of their lives and taking it in stride, and his father was no exception. He couldn't help the images that ran through his mind trying to picture his other siblings' reactions to seeing Silas again - a thousand reactions popping into he head. "No offence taken, I love to speak ill of the dead. First thing I did when I got back to town was make sure she was still buried six feet deep - make sure she didn't dig her way out to torment us some more." He admitted.

"Your argument isn't great considering you're only here because you literally broke out of prison to be here." The blonde replied simply, it wasn't judgmental, just factual. "And before you try and convince me you didn't, that the Council lied, that Alyssa framed you - whatever it is - I don't particularly care, either way." Unlike his siblings, he had no love for the Council, no love for the coven either, his connection to it all only came from Poppy. If she wasn't the Supreme, he would have left the first chance he got. "I really don't know if you'd call Alyssa dying a loss... it's more a redistribution of matter. No love lost here." He added bluntly. "You found me, if you came to console your grieving son, I don't need any help there. If you have something else you want to say, I'm all ears. Curiosity, meet the cat." He joked, gesturing to himself as the cat.

[70x1cnature]

Okay so I’ve been watching Keyan Carlile’s retrospective on Wizards of Waverly Place on youtube and I’ve been looking for an excuse to make their magic system/world make sense so watching that has helped me, so here’s my ideas for that. 

The biggest thing I wanted an explanation for was why a wizard can’t be with a non wizard, or even why a “family wizard” is so important in the first place. They act like entire thing with Stevie and taking down the distributer of magic is the most evil thing she could possible want to do, with no explanation as to why. Also, in and earlier season the whole “distributor” thing is contradicted by Professor Crumbs being able to just causally take Alex’s magic but whatever,  one mans continuity error is another man’s method to expand the lore. Without any explanation, she just makes a good point. Why can’t they all just keep their magic? Why do they need the magic distributor?

It made me start to think about why this system would have started in the first place. What motivated them to make this device, because it obviously had to have been invented or I guess the ability to magically take someone’s magic could’ve been the start but I’ll get to that. So, who invented this and why? 

The who isn’t really as important as the why. Going back in time, it’s not hard to point to the witch hunts as a good enough reason to start hiding from the non magical world. Wizards being hunted down left and right, it makes sense that they’d start trying to find methods to protect themselves. It would also be the origin of why they are so against wizards with their powers marrying a “mortal”. The fact that they call them mortals has an interesting implication that wizards are immortal. Then again, all magical creatures seem to kind of be immortal, Mason was even said to be like 200 years old. If a wizard married a mortal, that would only put the wizard and the entire wizarding world in danger, hence the separation. 

There are several things that could be easily pointed to as being created with the intention of protecting themselves. One such thing they’d need is a device to prevent accidental magic from children too young to control or understand hiding from outsiders. Do you remember those stupid tubes that are plugged in the wall of their magic lair? In this little head canon explanation I’m weaving, I feel like that could have started from needing to regulate the powers of children. It would have originally been a magic regulator, so they could learn to control and regulate magic themselves, before outgrowing the need.

If that’s the case, then the next question would be, why does it now appear be the source of their individual powers? Well, I think that the effort of hiding from prosecution and execution started going further. These tubes could have been older than the slaughter of wizards, as a essential household tool, but it was twisted as was needed in the times. When being hunted, having less magic users is safer, so what if they instead took the magic out of the children, and instead had it given back at less intensity via those tubes. The logic would also follow, that for those who do have magic, having more power to protect themselves against those trying to kill them would make sense. The wizarding competition would have been created from that need. The children in a family learn everything they can about magic, and then they compete to find the one who is most worthy of retaining their magic, the one who’s most capable and wanting. 

Now, pardon me as I get a bit “fuck the establishment”, it’s necessary since WOWP seems to have missed that from pop culture at the time. No matter what the original intentions were, it has gone too far, and honestly I feel like Stevie was more right then she even realized about how bullshit the whole system is. If it was originally meant as a regulation and congregation of powers, then how does a non magical wizard and a non wizard have kids that can do magic? How is a wizard still a wizard without their magic, and how are they able to pass magic onto their kids, when they themselves lack it? 

Clearly, magic seems to be a blood inherence of wizards which could be another reason for their racism against nonwizards in modern day, which is very Harry Potter of them. It is something that they are born with and is put into these tubes as a safety mechanism, probably by it’s own capabilities or even having it moved by someone magic themselves. If magic has been established to be easily transferred by other mean, then why does the distributor exist? What if the “distributor” actually had a different purpose? 

Back when wizards were being killed on mass, they needed a place to hide, to keep them out of the harm of angry mobs, and that’s when the “distributer” was formed. It wasn’t called that at the time though, and that wasn’t it’s function. Originally, it was something that could take the magical ability of a wizard and use it to create and maintain a safe haven for wizards. The wizarding world. Wizards are inherently magical, and grow into their magic. When they no longer have this thing regulating them, they’re considered a full wizard, with all the power that entails. Over thousands of years, however, in their efforts to keep magical population down, and to maintain this ever growing wizarding world, the competition started, to determine who out of a generation of siblings would be allowed to grow to a full wizard, and who would instead power this safe haven, and be able to live a normal life free from the constraints placed by wizard authorities for their protections. 

Now, why would this be something that wizards don’t know about? I mean, this is all head canon at this point so for all we know it is available and easily found in wizarding textbooks, but I can’t stop myself from at least trying to fit my head canons into canon so: secrets. Why would the wizards in charge wanna hide the truth? Well, probably because the victors write history!

In the retrospective I’ve been watching, Keyan points out how wizards are very racist to literally every other magical creature, and even seems to enslave some of them.

I can picture this: Magical creatures of all kinds are being hunted for sport. Some creatures (like Fae) have figured out how to create hidden realms that they can retreat to, so wizards decide to create something gather “access” power and do the same. As they continue to grow their realm, other creatures are still being hunted, like the mighty dragon! Well, what are the good wizards to do besides help them? So wizards help, and help, and help. Dragging more and more magical creatures, gaining more and more power, creating alliances, maybe even linking their magical realms with others. Eventually, they become greedy. Wizards think themselves so highly, that only THEY can help their fellow magical kin. They have to help them all for their own good! So if some magical creatures are too stupid to join them, they don’t know any better, and need to be “helped” under any circumstances. Get what I’m saying here? Very America “manifest destiny” coded. Like, “we will literally fight you so that you’ll join and obey us”. Haha, so no matter what good intentions they had in the beginning, they’ve become bigoted colonizers who paint themselves above everyone else. 

Best part, is that along the way they started lying to their own people about the magic competition. The best explanation I can think of is that in erasing all of that horrible things they did to their fellow magical creatures, they also had to erase what they’re doing to their own people. In the end, everyone is being lied to and subjugated and the wizard authorities are too deep in their power hungry ways to want to do anything but maintain it. I’d also imagine that to keep something as big as the truth of the magical competition and “the distributor” secret they’d probably have to be under some magical obligation to be unable to speak of it to anyone without the authority to know. 

That’s my main part of my “wizard government is actually the problem” head canon, and it can kind of be expanded on but idk, I just really hated the competition and wanted a better ending. With this whole idea, I feel like if Stevie and the revolution actually succeeded in knocking out the magic distributor it could have had a domino effect that none of them would have predicted. Depending on how deep that device ran through the infrastructure, it could have given wizards who lost their competitions their magic back. It could have also made some of the wizarding world crumble but what are high stakes without some casualties? It wouldn’t all crumble too, there’d still be some magic feeding it, and honestly they’ve probably absorbed most other magical realms too, so those would be fine. 

All of this was just to make a children’s program make sense so I can make fan fiction. If anyone else is obsessed with Wizards of Waverly Place and are inspired by this then fucking run with it. Or even expand on it, I’d love to hear any ideas people have. Idk if I’ll ever actually write anything with this myself, as I just kinda have fic ideas that take place before any of this would be revealed, but fucking hit me up if you do write something with this idea, I’ll read the hell out of it! (unless it involves incest ships, then you can miss me with that shit, DNI I will block) 

TLDR: the wizarding government is basically just magical America subjugating magical creatures and their own people by controlling and stealing their magic.

[libraryofloveletters]

buck x fem reader work together / secretly dating but they act like they hate each other and the team doesn’t know. reader is also bobby’s daughter (or niece up to you) and scared of his reaction (prompts 17, 37, 42, 81)

Unconventional

Evan Buckley x Reader 

Prompts: #17: “We shouldn’t be doing this”, #37: “Uh why is your shirt inside out?”, #42: “I love you”, #81: “I can explain” 

Warnings: fem!reader, worrying, vulgar/suggestive comments (kinda but not really ?), suggested sexual content, a few swear words, kissing, mentions of hospitals, surgery and injuries. 

Category: fluff with a lil angst 

Word Count: 4.4k

Author's Note: I wrote it as bobby’s niece, it just made more sense :) hope you liked it!! 

---- 

Evan Buckley was a pain in your ass. 

He had been since the day you met him. His annoyingly attractive face, his stupid pretty blue eyes and his smile, not to mention how sweet he was. You couldn't help but hate him. Not in the typical “I hate your guts and hope you fall down a flight of stairs” way but in the “god you’re gorgeous and I want to marry you” way. 

Did you plan on liking the ridiculously attractive firefighter ? Most definitely not. 

Were you also planning on dating him in secret ? Also a no. 

Hence why you were sitting in his jeep on a Saturday at 3 in the morning. The two of you had gone on a date to this little restaurant outside of the city but everything that could go wrong kind of did go wrong.

Buck’s shift was supposed to end at 6 but they got a call last minute so he didn’t get home until 7:30. You called to push the reservation back and when he did pick you up, you got stuck in traffic. By the time the two of you got to the restaurant, it was 8:30 and the woman said she called to see if the two of you still needed the reservation but there was no answer (she didn’t call but neither of you were in the mood to argue) - Now it's 9 pm and the two of you still haven't had dinner. Venturing down the block, there was nowhere that seemed appealing. The night really began at some random mom and pop dinner you spotted by the beach. Deciding to have your own little dinner date on the beach, it was now 9:30. Buck had a blanket in the trunk (you didn’t ask why nor did you really wanna know) and you sat on the beach and had dinner. Time flew by, it was around 1 when the two of you began wondering what time it was. 

The date was now prolonged by Buck’s craving for something sweet so once again, the two of you were on a hunt but for somewhere to go. He googled the closest ice cream parlour but most places were closed, he searched until he finally found a place that was 20 minutes away. It was totally worth the drive considering it was some of the best ice cream you've had in your life. Which now brought you to 2:20 in the morning, the two of you were still sitting on the hood on his jeep, a container of half eaten ice cream between you. 

Buck looked over at you, a smile on his face. “Did you have fun ? despite, you know, all the shit that went wrong ?” you chuckled, “I did.” Buck had a shift at 11 so it was time for the night to come to an end. One of his hands held yours and the other on the wheel, you were staring out the window as the breeze blew by. 

“Something on your mind babe?” Buck asked you, glancing over at you as you turned towards him. 

“We shouldn’t be doing this” you mumbled, you didn’t want to end things with him but that didn’t mean that you didn’t have doubts about where this relationship was going. “What do you mean ?” he asks, his eyes on the road. “I mean how long are we going to hide this from everyone ?” your eyes back out the window, Buck sighed and the conversation dropped. There were a few minutes of silence and the tension filled the car, Buck finally spoke up “you were the one that didn’t want to say anything.” his voice came off a bit harsher than you expected, letting go of his hand, your body shifted towards the door and way from him. He noticed your change in emotion and seating. 

“Babe, I'm sorry. It's just that you didn’t want to say anything and it’s entirely your choice. I get it but we can figure it out. One step at a time, okay ?” Buck looks over at you when he pulls into the parking lot. “Yeah, I know. It’s fine.” leaning over the console to press a kiss to his cheek.  “Good night Buck, thank you for tonight” you give him a smile and get out of the jeep. Buck follows you, “let me walk you up,” he grabs your wrist, the two of you stopped in the middle of the parking lot. “That’s fine, I'll text you so you know I’m okay. You need to get home anyways, you have a shift and you need your sleep” shaking your head, you pull your hand away from him and head inside before he can ask again. 

He was right, it was your choice not to say anything but you weren't sure how your uncle would react. This relationship wouldn't just affect your relationship with him but also his relationship with Buck. You didn’t- couldn't let Buck jeopardize his work life for his love life. 

Shutting the door once you get into your apartment, you send a text to your boyfriend. 

To Lover Boy Buck: I’m home, text me when you get home. Sleep well <3

From Lover Boy Buck: Just pulled in, goodnight babe 

----

Athena’s birthday was on Saturday and Bobby had planned a surprise party for her. With a little help from May, things were in place. 

Bobby had taken Athena out for lunch at some fancy cafe that was impossible to get into and then to see a play. While they were out, you headed over to their place to help May set up. Upon arriving, you saw that Hen was already there as was Buck. 

“Good afternoon my loves!” you shout as you walk over to the kitchen. “I come with coffee” you hand a cup to May and the other to Hen, the two are thankful for the coffee as you had a shit ton of decorating to do and only a few hours to get it done. Buck leant against the wall by the kitchen entryway, “where's mine?” he asked which made you roll your eyes. “Didn’t know that you were gonna be here, no one invited you anyways.” you reply, sorting through the packages of balloons on the table, you toss one and it hits him square in the face. 

“Ow!” he shouts, rubbing his cheek. 

“Oh did I hurt you ?” you ask, pouting at him mockingly. 

Considering the weird note that the two of you left on during your last date, plus not being able to see each other that week left things in a bit of a mess. 

May and Hen exchange glances, “Buck, how about you help put up the banner in the backyard ?” she practically dragged Buck by the arm and into the yard. May was in the kitchen icing some cupcakes that she and Harry had made the night before when she called for you. 

“Why don't you get along with Buck ? I don't know him all the well but he seems like a good guy” May pleads his case unintentionally. 

He is a good guy 

“Ever meet someone and you just don’t like them ?” you ask, she hums. “That’s me with Buck” is what came out instead. 

“I get it.” she nodded, she began telling you about a guy in her chemistry class that just got on her nerves all the time. You excused yourself when the doorbell rang. Chim and Maddie had arrived right as Karen pulled into the driveway with Denny and Nia. You let everyone in and they began helping too. About an hour later, Eddie arrives with Chris and the cake. You take the cake from him so he can help Chris with his jacket.  

“Buck!” you shout

“Yeah ba- yeah ?” he corrects himself last second. Your eyes widen at the word that almost slipped out of his mouth. No one seem to catch it except for Chim who gave you a weird look but you just brush it off. 

“Take this, I need to change.” you hand the cake off to him and head to the bathroom to change into your dress. A few moments later, there was a knock on the bathroom door and then it opened. 

“Hey! I'm chang- oh it’s just you” you mumble as he shuts the door. Buck’s back pressed up against the door. “Are you just gonna watch me or are you going to help me?” you turn, your back towards him now. Pulling your hair over your shoulder, you feel one of Buck’s hands on your waist and then the tug of the zipper.  

“Must you always fight with me, y/n ?” he presses a kiss to your shoulder, his arms wrapping around your waist. “Must you always get on my nerves, Evan ?” you were looking back at him in the mirror, he flashed you a smile and nodded, a rather amused look on his face. “Yeah, it's kind of my job to irritate you” his arms loosen as you turn around to face him now, leaning back against the counter. “Well I guess then I have to fight with you” running your hand through his hair, he leans into you, his forehead against yours. 

“You know, they say make love, not war” he whispers, his lips almost touching yours. A little chuckle slips past your lips, “is this your way of saying that we should stop fighting ?” you mumble as you press a kiss to his lips. Buck pulls you closer to him - which you didn’t even think was possible, “no, it’s my way of saying we should make love” he smiles against your lips as he lifts you up onto the counter and you let out an obnoxiously loud laugh. “Oops” a hand comes up to cover your mouth. Buck can't help but smile, you were adorable and all he wanted was to go out there and tell everyone that he’s in love with you, something he hadn't even told you yet, but at last, he could not. 

“You’re cheesy, you know that right ?” looking up at him whilst you fiddled with the hem of his shirt. “If you want to fuck me, just say so” he tells you to which you reply “you're so vulgar Evan” while rolling your eyes. 

“Oh I'll show you vulgar” he chuckles and pulls off his shirt, his hand reaching behind you to unzip your dress. 

--

Buck left the bathroom first, the house had filled up within the 20 minutes the two of you were in the bathroom. He ran his hand through his hair in hopes to fix it from the tugging that just happened. As he stepped out into the backyard, his sister’s voice called out to him.

“Buck!” she walked over, “you’ve been so busy I haven't gotten a chance to say hi yet” she pulls her brother into a hug. Maddie’s face screws into a confused look. “Did you try a new body wash or something ?” she looks up at Buck, his brows furrow but he shakes his head. “Why?” he asks, “you smell like mint” she informs him. 

You step out into the backyard, a tube of mint chapstick between your fingers,  being applied to your lips. Buck’s eyes were on you, watching as the tube rubbed across your lips, his mind back to those lips were moments ago. Chimney’s voice caused him to pull his eyes away from you and onto him. 

“Uh why is your shirt inside out?” Chim asks him, brows raised. Buck looks down and his shirt is on inside out, “uh, I- uh I had to change.” he says, hoping they’d believe him. 

“You had that shirt on when we got here.” Chim had a puzzled look on his face. 

“Oh Christopher is calling for me, excuse me” Buck walks off before they could say anything. He did indeed make his way over to Eddie and Chris, you were on the other side of the backyard when your phone chimed. 

From Lover Boy Buck: Couldn't you have told me my shirt was on inside out?

To Lover Boy Buck: And how was I supposed to know that ? I didn’t have time to look at you

From Lover Boy Buck: Oh really ? You had plenty of time a few minutes ago 

To Lover Boy Buck: Behave. 

From Lover Boy Buck: Make me. 

You roll your eyes at his comment, May coming out and shouting that they just pulled in. Everyone stood by the backdoors, waiting for Athena and Bobby to come in. 

Athena had a blindfold on as Bobby led her down the stairs to the backyard. “I swear if you did somethin-” he undoes the blindfold mid sentence. 

“Surprise!!” everyone shouts, Athena had a huge smile on her face. She turns to Bobby, “you did all this ?” he smiles but shakes his head, “I had some help” nodding towards May, Athena walked over to her daughter to give her a hug. Bobby and Athena went around to say hello to everyone, Bobby coming over to you and Eddie, Buck and Chris were sitting beside each other. “Hey” Bobby smiled at the two of you, “hey” you smiled back before you gave him a hug. 

“What do I own you for today ?” he asks you

“Nothing at all, I'm glad I could help.” 

“Are you sure kid ?” 

“Yeah, I'm good. I’ll let you know if I need something uncle Bobby” 

He smiles and goes off to talk to Chim and Maddie. Eddie switches places with Buck, Christopher showing his father the trick that Buck just showed him. “You’re good with kids” you tell him, “yeah, I know” he replies. “You're also an arrogant asshole but perspective I suppose.” Buck chuckled at your comment, watching as you walked away. 

It was a while before you sat down for dinner, you were in the house with Bobby, helping him bring stuff out while everyone got seated. When you returned, there were two seats left. One at the head of the table, which was where your uncle was currently headed, leaving you no choice but to sit beside Buck. “Pass me the green bowl ?” he asks you, “no thanks” you reply nonchalantly. Bobby gives you a look, “y/n, pass him the bowl” you sighed and handed the bowl to Buck who was snickering. It took all of you not to smack this man in front of everyone. 

A hand on your upper thigh startled you, you coughed and Eddie looked at you from across the table, his brows furrowed. Your hand comes down to rest on top of Buck’s. Chris followed his father’s look over to you, “are you okay y/n?” he asked you sweetly, you smiled at him. “I’m okay buddy, thank you for asking” Buck bit the inside of his cheek, holding back a smile. Oh how he wanted to kiss you right now, but again, he couldn't really do that, could he? He settled for holding your hand under the table like teenagers for now. 

----

8 o'clock and you were supposed to be there 20 minutes ago. Bobby was probably there wondering where you were. You were supposed to be having dinner with your uncle tonight to tell him about you and Buck. Buck offered to tell him but you felt like it was only right for you to tell him. 

You dialled the number but it rang out. You assumed he was still driving or maybe he was ruining late too. The phone rang while you searched for something to wear. It was Bobby. 

“Hey!” you answer, “I'm gonna be a little late” 

“Y/n, we’re gonna have to take a rain check on dinner.” Something was wrong, you could tell from the way he answered. 

“Everything okay ? Are you still at work ?” 

“I’m at the hospital.” 

“What? Why? Are you okay ? Is it Athena ?” 

“Athena and I are fine. It’s Buck, he’s in surgery right now. I don't think I'll be leaving anything soon. I’m sorry about dinner.” 

Your heart dropped when he said it was Buck. 

“Did anyone tell Maddie ? Do you want me to pick her up ?” 

“It's alright, Chim went and got her. You don't have to come, we’re ok-” 

“I’ll be there in 10 minutes” 

Grabbing the keys, you’ve never run down the stairs so fast in your life. The whole drive over, it felt like the world was moving in slow motion. He’d still be in surgery when you arrived but you needed to know what happened. 

I love you Evan Buckley. 

The 5 words replaying in your head over and over again. The 5 words you hadn’t gotten the chance to say to him. The team plus Maddie and Athena were in the waiting room. Bobby came over and gave you a hug, “is he okay ? Did you guys hear anything ?” you ask as you sit beside Maddie. “Not yet” Bobby returns to his seat. 

“Mads, I'm sorry” you gave her a hug, she gave you a small smile. “It’s okay. Buck’ll pull through. He always does.” 

-- 

3 hours later and still nothing, he had been in surgery 2 hours prior to you arriving, bringing it to a total of 5 hours. Athena and Bobby left for a few minutes to see if they could get an update on him. You looked around the room, Eddie was leant against the wall, his legs on the chairs in front of him, Hen stood by the window on the phone with who you assumed was Karen. Chim’s arm was wrapped around Maddie, her head resting on his shoulder. 

Bobby and Athena returned telling everyone that there was no update other than he was still in surgery. Your leg bounced as you waited, Bobby rested a hand on your knee when he sat back down. 

“You okay kid ?” 

“Mhm hm why ?”

“You only bounce your leg when you’re nervous. You’re sure you’re okay ?” 

“Yeah, I'm gonna go get some coffee” you announce as you get up. If you spent another minute in that room, you were going to combust, you couldn't take it. “Does anyone want anything ?” there were a few mumbles of no but Eddie gets up and says he’ll come with you. The two of you walk down the hallway to the other end. Slipping a bill into the machine, it buzzes and then nothing. Eddie watches as you push the button a few times. Frustrated and tired, your hand smacks against the machine. A few nurses glare in your direction. 

“Hey, go get some air okay ? I’ll get the coffee and meet you outside” Eddie’s hand on your back, leading you to the doors.

“Eddie, I'm fine” 

“Y/n, go. You’ve been in here for a while and honestly, I could use the air too.” 

Not in the mood to protest, you step outside. It was a little past 11 now, it was dark and cold out. Your back pressed up against the brick wall, the coldness seeping through your shirt. A hand running over your face in an attempt to wake you up, you sigh as the door opens. 

“Here” Eddie handed you a mug that didn’t look like it came from a machine. The mug read “#1 nurse” on it and his says “world’s best mom” your brows furrow, looking at the man standing beside you. “I sweet talked one of the nurses, it's fine. I promised to return the mugs when we're done.” he says casually, making you smile. You had always enjoyed Eddie’s company, he didn’t ask questions or poke around in your life, he just lived in the moment. 

“Cute shirt” he chuckles, looking down at the blue t-shirt you had on. You hadn't realized that you left wearing it. “Oh thanks” you mumble, taking a sip of coffee. “It’s Buck’s, isn't it?” he asks, you almost choked on the coffee. 

“Wha- why would you ask me that ?” 

“It reeks of his cologne,” Eddie chucked. “I’ve known for months, y/n. The two of you aren't as slick as you think.” 

“Who else knows ?” 

“No one that I know of, Chim has an idea but he hasn't said anything” 

You hummed, looking out at the parking lot in front of you. “Does Bobby know ?” Eddie’s eyes practically burn into your side.

“I was going to tell him tonight.” 

Eddie’s phone buzzed before he could say anything else. “Let’s go in, the doctors are out.” Eddie followed you into the building and back into the waiting room. The doctor has just stepped in, she glanced back at you and Eddie, “Are you here for Buckley as well ?” 

“Yeah, how is he?” Eddie asks, the two of you step further into the room. “He’s stable as of now, we managed to stop the bleeding. He’s asleep but he’s got a long road ahead of him.” the doctor inform everyone, you watch as Maddie lets out a sigh, her hand squeezing Chim’s. “I can take someone in, if they’d like to go in” Chim let go of Maddie’s hand as she went to follow the doctor down the hall. Eddie could sense the change in body language, you were relaxed until Maddie stepped out with the doctor. His hand rests on your back again, “let’s sit down. You can go in after” he whispered to you. To anyone else in the room, it would look like something was happening between you and Eddie but he was just comforting you. There was nothing happening. 

The person you were in love with was laying in a hospital bed at the other end of the hallway. 

One by one, everyone went in to see him. Chim went in first, meeting Maddie in his room. When they return, they let everyone know he’s awake. Bobby and Athena are next, they go in for a few minutes. Hen was after them, you could hear them laughing from the other end of the hallway. 

It was so good to hear him laugh. 

You and Eddie went in last. Eddie sat beside his bed on the chair, he and Buck having a conversation. Eddie looked over at you, you were standing by the door. “I think I'll go call Chris and let him know you’re alright” Eddie pats Buck’s shoulder before stepping out the room. 

Buck’s attention was now on you. “hey you” he mumbles, trying to shift into a sitting position. “Don’t move, you’ll rip your stitches.” you take a seat where Eddie was a few moments ago. Buck’s hand reaches for yours, although he was awake, his hand felt cold. Your hand rubbed against his, his eyes on you. Neither of you say anything to the other. 

“I thought I lost you for a minute there.” 

“You’ll never lose me, y/n” Buck’s hand squeezes yours. 

“But I almost did and I hated every minute of it.” the tears welling up by your eyes, you blink a few times to get rid of them but instead a few slip down. Buck reaches up to wipe your tears, his hand cupping your cheek. 

“All of this for me ?” he teases, “there was no need to worry, you know that, right?” 

“You scared me you ass, don't do that” you sniffle, your hand wrapping around his wrist. 

“Y/n, I need to tell you something” his eyes were on yours, now you were worried again. “Okay, what is-” 

“I love you” he blurts out. 

“Oh Buck” you breathe, the soft expression on his face changes to a worried one. “Oh god, I'm sor-” your hand comes up and covers his mouth. 

“I love you too” you smile at him, you can feel him smile against your hand. Moving your hand to his cheek, “you do ?” he asks, you nod. “How can I not ?” Leaning out of the chair, your lips meet his. Your hand is still cupping his face and his hand lifting off the bed to meet your waist. Shifting from the chair to the bed, you sat beside Buck, your lips still on his. 

“Excuse me?” someone clears their throat, Buck pulls away to look at who's by the door. Bobby stood in the doorway, his arms folded in front of him and a rather amused Athena beside him. Buck’s eyes widen, you look over your shoulder to see your uncle standing there. 

“I can explain. Bobby I-” Buck starts, but Bobby cuts him off. “It’s okay Buck, I know.” he steps into the room. 

“You do?” the two of you say at the same time, both of you looking at him. Bobby nods, “I might be old - well older than you two but I’m not dumb” he chuckles, “if anything, you two are the dumb ones for thinking I wouldn't know.” he says 

“I was going to tell you at dinner” 

“I figured as much, I also figured you’d want to be here when Buck woke up” 

“Thank you for calling” you smile at him, he gives you a nod. “Everyone is heading home, are you going to stay with him ?” 

You hum, your attention back on Buck. You could hear Athena and Bobby whispering in the back and then the door shuts. Buck shifts slightly on the bed, making space for you. Laying on your side, beside him, your finger traces over the words tattooed on his forearm. The world had come to a pause finally, the things around you didn’t matter right now. Everything you cared about was beside you, the hospital wasn't the ideal place but all you cared about that he was okay. 

“Tell me again” you whisper, your head on his shoulder. Buck turns his head to look at you. 

“I love you y/n l/n” 

“I love you Evan Buckley” 

Turns out you did get to say those 5 words after all. 

--- 

Taglist: @reiidsbby @ssa-volturi @advicefromnixxxx @dralexreid @keenmarvellover @venusrosepetal @mikaelson-emma @beth-winchester21 @averyhotchner

[dameronology]

Can you Please do number 4 OR number 1 with Matt

matt murdock + 4) "i can't call you a stranger, but i can't call you" - tell me how, paramore

Matt knew your body inside and out; he had your little mannerisms and all your cues. Nobody else noticed how much your voice dropped when you were stressed, or the fact you walked ever so slightly faster when you were excited. Not even you knew that your heart picked up every time you were around someone you loved, or that the tips of your fingers were a little drier than your hands because you always forgot to moisturise them. Your body, to him, was like a map; one that he'd explored and knew well. One that he didn't need to read, but took joy in memorising.

It was all a memory now, though. Matt still remembered it as though it were fresh in his mind from this morning but it had been months since he'd heart your heart or felt his hands in yours. It was coming up on a year, in fact; a year since you'd finally had enough and walked away. And it was funny, really - because Matt constantly went out your way to remind you of how great you were and how much you deserved. It was in remembering that worth he always preached about that you realised you'd deserved better than all those miscalls and late nights. All the days you went without hearing from him, all the arguments you'd had in which he'd danced around lies and fed you a bunch of bullshit. Even though he loved you more than anything in the world, it just wasn't enough. There wasn't enough time in the world for the man to be a lawyer, a vigilante and a partner.

So he'd sacrificed the latter - perhaps with your blessing, perhaps not so much.

Eleven months had passed and maybe you were good now. Not because you'd spoken and agreed to be, but because it felt like enough time for things to have cooled down. You'd probably taken the brunt of the break-up and if you were okay now, you figured Matt should have been too. He'd probably taken out his frustrations in his own way; on criminals, most likely. You'd just binged ten seasons of Friends and called time on your grieving.

So, when you saw him across a crowded room, you didn't feel the need to runaway. He was with Foggy, who you considered to be a friend - even if you'd met him through Matt, and consequently lost him a little in the break-up. There were no hard feelings there, either. It was only natural for him to get custody, right? Even though Foggy wasn't a child, and you and Matt had never been married (even though there had been times when both those statements were debatable).

"Matt!" you called his name with some kind of uncertain gusto.

He turned around from the pool table, looking as gorgeous as ever; tousled hair, five o'clock shadow, sleeves unevenly pulled up around his elbows and tie loosened. That was your favourite version of him. He wasn't work Matt, or vigilante Matt. He was just Matt. Hanging out with his friends, beer in one hand and a pool cue in the other. That's how you'd met him, and it was how you liked to remember him.

"Wow, hi," the lawyer greeted you with a smile.

He was stood with a blonde woman - she was tall and slender and beautiful, and had a warm smile. From the way she was stood, you didn't think she was involved with your ex. Why was that even a concern of yours? Just natural, you figured. Some part of you would always love him and hence, some part of you would always want him to be yours (of course, he always would be - in the same way some part of him would always want you to be his).

"I forget you guys always hang out here," you said. "I just stopped in to use the restroom, to be honest."

"They're disgusting, right?" the blonde chimed in.

"Oh, awful," you replied. "I don't know how Josie keeps this place open."

"Well, she has some pretty good lawyers," she grinned. "I'm Karen, by the way. The unofficial secretary of Nelson & Murdock."

"Nice to meet you," you tried to hide the relief in your voice. She was just the secretary. You stuck out your hand, offering your own name in return.

"Did I just hear who I thought I heard?" the cries of the drunker half of Nelson & Murdock came across the bar. "Oh my god, I did! It's you! It's really you!"

"Hi, Foggy - oof!" you greeted the lawyer, letting out a squeak as your chests collided in a tight hug.

"It's so good to see you here!" he exclaimed. "And you've met Karen, too!"

"How do you guys know each other?" Karen kindly asked.

Ah yes, the question you were dreading. She hadn't visibly reacted when your name had been revealed, which lead you to believe that Matt probably hadn't said anything too incriminating. He was habitually keeping to himself now, letting the introductions play out before he stepped back in.

"College," you quickly said.

"Oh, we were friends alright!" Foggy grinned, turning his attention to Karen. "I had the BIGGEST crush on them, but so did Matt, but we were all friends, and then they were way more than friends for - what was it? Like five years? Then they broke up and they were really not friends after that, and...oh no, I've made it awkward, haven't I?"

"I think it was awkward before that," Matt bit his lip. "But you certainly haven't helped the case."

"What Foggy is saying, is that..." you trailed off. Actually, what the fuck was Foggy saying?

"We're not exactly strangers," Matt finished the sentence for you.

It was a weird position to be in. One day you'd been each other's everything, and now you'd gone eleven months without speaking. You were the opposite of strangers, but you definitely couldn't pick up the phone to call him for a chat, or to wish him a happy birthday. There was some kind of weird middle ground; your relationship was history. Your relationship had a lot of history, before the thing itself became history. Just a lot of...the past being the past. Even if it sucked.

"Since you're not exactly strangers," Karen began. "I propose you join us for a drink."

You glanced over at Matt for some kind of signal- and even though he couldn't physically see it, you knew that he'd know. That was all but confirmed when he gave you a subtle thumbs up, hand disguised by the pool-stick so that only you could see it.

"It is a Friday," you said. "I guess one drink won't hurt."

Matt smiled to himself, giving a solid nod. He'd missed you more than he cared to admit - you'd been a pretty foundational pillar in his life. It had gone a little tits-up since you'd left but he'd learnt to adjust, even if it meant making his own coffee in the morning and just hoping that his hair looked okay without your tired input.

And as you walked to the bar, he couldn't help but notice how your heart was picking up a little.

[eviltiddyprodnz]

xo kitty: episode 2

aww kitty

the teacher should've just gone to the loo 💀 'why are you not dae'

lmfaooo wait i think she just made him her boyfriend for her mom. ( I thought this was going to happen but then just assumed the worst of dae 💀)

she is dating Julianna after all. saving your girlfriend's name as baby when your parents might not approve is pretty balsy tbh. my girl back at 99%

my mind going ↗️↖️⬆️⬇️ trying to comprehend what the fuck this teacher kitty conversation is supposed to be here for

who wrote the dialogues. what are these conversations. 💀 * Kitty walks in * the guy who had seventeen hot playing in the background 'this girl treats Korean guys like Pokemons' huh !???

Where did that even come from. random and unprovoked lmaooo like they've not had a single conversation.

lmaoo poor kitty. but all of this feels so anti climatic.

dae has sad puppy eyes but like at least text kitty 😭😭😭 like tell her what's up.

even kitty is being so chill about this lmao. he's getting clicked with another girl and she's having a monologue best saved for episode 3 🤣 okay i guess

I KNEW THIS WAS GOING TO HAPPEN as soon as I saw food on the table I knew she was going to crash into it but why now 😭

I was about to say slayyy but she just slipped and fell. let me settle open my embarrassment bag.

the way her entire class is about to know about all this. my girl <///3

I'm just going to accept their 0 emotion answers at this point 💀 like how is everything already settled and okay. not even a voice crack in sight

he looks more broken than her 💀

dae's eating it up!!!

aww Kitty 🥺 she's kinda handling it like a champ. let me give her a hug.

lmfaooo why did Q's entire dialogue sound like voice over. what is happening in the production of this show

Dae is the only one acting here 😭

let the wattapad games begin 🤩

at least she scared them away

now Minho sounds like he did a voice over 😭😭😭 why is the dialogue delivery and editing so weird here.

everyone sounds normal now

Minho 💀🤣 i want to say get over yourself but the 'she did this to be closer to Dae AND ME' kinda got me laughing

Minho's accent changed 80 times. Is he British???

she says she doesn't want to talk but you clearly have to?? 💀 I feel like in these moments one should simply just scream the answer ' not cheating cheating on you babe****'

not her being in Dae's room too this could've actually been fun 😭

this is just badly written and boring like at least them in the same room would've been fun!!!

Is Minho Australian or British. Let me Google. A little bit of British in there! also Yuri is his sister irl 💀

Q being real rn. American people will tell you to follow your heart!

Dae is wearing that necklace!!!

I'm sorry but a little scroll through my blogs and you'll know someone wearing a necklace or a ring in a necklace their partner gave them is my kryptonite.

he's acting so well that i am currently rooting for him

lmfao Minho trying to cuddle Dae. #real

not a single emotion in this show is translating through the screen 😔

awww he's sleeping by her door. it's giving puppy, it's giving love, it's giving give me a chance to explain and I'm eating it up 😭

Kitty don't leave your suitcase just on the damn road like that 😭😭😭 the cherry blossom is beautiful but please keep an eye out for your bag!

her mom wants her to stay here maybe idk 🤩

this show is so quiet I'm so serious. not a worry, not an emotion. it's just there. minho's a little funny though.

and she's gone and dae left in the quietest way possible 💀

Dae about to have the worst semester of his life because Yuri's mom will keep them together hence keeping him from Kitty check ✔️

Yuri staring her dad with an open mouth after making that lettuce meme (slay!) if these weren't just consequences of her own actions 😭

Dae running to find his girl in pyjamas. Adorable and real

the kiss that didn't happen was the closest we got to emotions and his dad is here to get him now 😔

they're about to make him sign an NDA my man is GONE

I feel like she could've probably seen the resignation and desperation on his face but she's right to be angry for as long as she likes so I move.

if she choose Minho over Dae, how am I not supposed to feel bad for Dae 💀 once again money ruining things !!!

She clocked in that he's miserable!

this is so unserious why are teenagers having to talk about their relationship

Dae having the worst week of his life, my poor bb. I have decided to adopt him

[unlikelyempathpruneauthor]

Tour without You

Summary: fans saw the video of cal singing ghost of you and people think you two broke up.

a/n: SO YALL KNOW WHICH VIDEO I'M TALKING ABOUT RIGHT? Idk if he was actually crying, but a part of me tells me he was, but idk who knows, but i hope he was okay and is doing okay now.

You were currently home watching duke at yours and cal’s place. You couldn't go on tour with cal because of work, so being alone was a norm you had grown into. Whenever you didn't go on tour you and cal would spend time calling one another whenever a show was over, so he could see you and if you needed to comfort him for anything. He hated when he had to leave you alone, but you would reassure him you had someone that was a part of him. Duke would usually stay with the dog sitter, but when you stayed back home you watched duke. You two would have some quality time together as usual so the small pup can use his energy throughout the day.

For Cal though today, just wasn't his day. Their bus tour had taken a re-route, they got to the venue late, he couldn't focus during rehearsal since it was cut short, from them arriving late. Usually when stress came he was able to handle it well, but you usually were there to comfort him right there and then, which also added to his stress as well, not being able to be with you in moments like these. Fans in the audience and online had seen his expression and worried for him, especially when singing Ghost of you. He hated that his stress would reflect how he acts during shows, but today was really bad for him. Cal doesn't really notice when fans are recording, but a video had gone viral during the concert within minutes and fans skepulating about you and cal. You had no idea of this hence you not being near your phone all day and having a nice day out with duke. Your phone had been blasting all night and once you got home with duke you checked it once seeing all the notifications on all of your socials.You were slightly confused as to why there were so many so you checked it out.

@5SOSUPDATES: is it possible cal and y/n broke up? Could be because they haven been posting with one another. Also today’s performance he seemed sad, especially during Ghost of you.

“What the hell?” you said as the puppy barked at you as you continued to look for something that gave you some sort of idea that was going on. Then MTV also made a topic off of it.

SPECULATING BREAK UP RUMOURS: POPSTAR CALUM HOOD AND GIRLFRIEND Y/N L/N POSSIBLY BROKE UP BEFORE A SHOW DURING TOUR

You were quick to find the resources they were using to claim these speculations and there was a video of cal singing ghost of you, at first it was all good, he was singing good, you saw no sad emotions, but when it got to him harmonizing, with the ghost of you, that's when his expression changed. At first you thought that it was just the way he was singing. But you looked over and yeah you were convinced he was crying.

You tried to first go over anything you might have said to make him upset, but there was nothing, you texted when you could and he seemed fine the night before, so you didn't know what was wrong. Unless he lied to you, which he would do when he was away from you. He didn't want to bother you, but you always told him to talk to you when he was feeling down and not himself. You were always going to be there to talk to him always. Just then you got a call from mali, you were quick to answer as she probably has seen these as well.

“Mali, hey.” you said as she spoke, “hey super weried, but have you been on your socials and possibly MTV?” she asked as you sighed, “yes i have.” you said as she contuned, “okay, is it ture?? Did you two break up? Omg did cal do something because i swear-” she said as you giggled and cut her off, “no we didn't, well at least i think so, but uh, no i called him before this show and he seemed fine, but you know how he is, he doesn't tell the full truth until you get it out of him.” you said as she hummed, “thats true, well are you talking to him tonight?” she asked as you hummed back, “yeah i should be getting a call in about an hour, i dont think he has checked his phone yet, so i'll call you first thing alright?” you said as she hummed and you two said your goodbyes. As your phone was still blowing up, more and more rumours were being made, but you didn't expect to be getting attacked.

5SOSWILDFLOWER: Yall, there are some photos of y/n with another guy before cal had gone to tour, guess cal has a reason.

|

Caly/n_stan: i don't think she would cheat though, they've been together for years.

|

Lukehemmingsstan: i mean yeah but people change especially when dating a celeb, and it wouldn't be the first time a 5sos member would be cheated on.

|

@mikeycliff5sos: i mean you can tell she was just in it for the money and the fame, she never spoke about her job.

You were at first confused as to what pictures you were talking about, but then you clearly remember you were with the dog sitter, who happens to be a guy. He was one of Cal's best friends and he always took care of duke when you were away. You were there before cal had gone to tour, to tell him personally that you were staying with duke, since you knew him and it would be nice to catch up on duke’s behavior. Of course the fans didn't know that, but that didn't mean they should attack you. You were kinda stressed about this situation, especially with the things being said, fans even started to question your real intentions with cal and wondered if you were just after cal for his money and fame questioning your line of work as well, which wasnt public because you line of work was importnatn, you were a visual editor at entertainment company and well you kept it private and you didn't want any problems.

On cal’s side of things, he hadnt checked his phone at all wanting to handle one side of stress at a time. After teh show he realxed before calling you, making sure he looked good and fine. But once he lifted his phone he had seen so many notifications, at first he thought it was about the show from tonight but when he clicked he saw everything that was being said about you and him that you two had broken up and the means things being said about you. He was quick to call you as you answered quickly hoping he was okay.

“Hey” you both said quite rapidly, “sorry you go first.” cal said as you sighed and spoke, “are you okay? But i want to know the full truth cal, you know you can talk to me.” you said as he rubebd his head and wished he had spoken to you before anything, he knew if he talked to you hten these rumours wouldnt be made. “Fuck love, im sorry, we had to reroute the show for tonight we got there late, and rehearsal was rushed and, today i didn't do my best to hide my stressed emotions, i tried, but i couldnt, all i wnated to do was talk to you before the show, but i wasnt able to,” he said as his voice was cracking and you felt bad for him, you knew he handled stress well, but you knew today was one of those days, “bub its okay, just talk to me about this kind of stress to help you when you can, no matter what time it may be. I know im not htere, but remeber im a phone call away, always. No matter waht okay, you call me when youre feeling like this.” you said as he smiled a little missing you so much more than he should be able to.

“Youre too good for me you know that? Im sorry for waht the fans are saying, i'll straighten it out babe, they shouldnt be saying this stuff about you,” he said as you giggled, “its fine, it hurt at first, but i mean this all happend beucase i was out with dukes dogsitter,” you said as he laughed a little, “gosh the fans are really out of hand, i love you so much, youre there for me more than many times i could even count, you know youre it for me,” he said as you blushed hearing his words, he would tell you this all the time. It was true, you were it for him and he was it for you. “And youre it for me too, and i'll happily be there for you, always you know that.” you said as he smiled and jsut couldnt wait to get home to you. After talking for about 2 hours, you said your goodbyes and you had gone with the rest of your day as cal had straighten out with the fans about his citation.

He posted a picture on his story of you and captioned it:

To clear out the rumours from today, me and y/n are happily together. y/n has not and has never cheated on me, for those who know she is everything to me and i will do anything to not lose her. There is no anger towards this situation jsut please, be careful with what you say on the interent, even if y/n and i dont post about us everyday its not htat wer are not together, we like to live in the present with one another since i go away for tour. Usually shes here with me, but sadly she isnt. So again please just be aware with what you are posting, we are human and things that were said towards her will hurt anyone.

[omgkatinka]

Breaking and Entering

Summary: Your cat gets you into trouble with your grumpy new neighbour

Pairing: Walter Marshall x Reader

>>> chapter 2

Masterlist

Warnings:  Mentions of death, mentions of abuse; anxiety, angst, grumpy neighbour / Also: English is not my native language and this is my first and probably last attempt at writing. I do not even know why I tried. This is eventually a result of procrastinating from learning for my exam next week. I mixed up tenses.

Also not betad.

Words: 2.127

Here you were. New Job. New city. New apartment. Again. The past years have been a hassle of starting over. 

When did your life take that turn? When your mother died? When you had to leave your grandfather to live with your father because you were underage? When instead going to study English literature like you always dreamed of your father made sure you’d get some fancy business master’s degree? Or when your ex-fiancé abused you and no one believed you because he was not just abusive but manipulative. Your life possibly finally took that turn when you ran. Head over heels. Leaving everything behind but your cat. You stopped counting the places you lived. Well rather visited for you never stayed long. Sometimes your ex would show up and you’d flee. Or you thought you had seen him in a crowd and flee. Or you were getting restless. High Functioning Flight Mode. All the damn time.

Moving days were a constant companion and those days smelled like freedom. It was just you, your SUV and your cat. The little fella would proudly ride shotgun while you sang along your old school rock playlist. Your whole life fit into a car.  

This time it is Minneapolis. Large city. Anonymous, easy to vanish. You scored a job at a major financial player. Major as in Fortune 500 major. Thankfully, you worked project based for a while now, so no one ever really questioned your constant moving all over the nation. If they ever read that far in your resume that is. Summa cum laude in combination with a Harvard degree opened most doors for you.

The furnished apartment you found was in a half decent neighbourhood for a change. It was not the smallest you’d lived in and it faced the back of the building onto a yard hosting a huge oak tree.

Settling into Minneapolis was easier than it should have been. Your new co-workers were friendly. Too friendly. Not one lunch break you would get to spend on your own. Especially Marta from accounting was keen to talk to you. She was lovely. It was not her fault you never made friends. Because you never stayed. But still, that insistent woman and a couple of more people gave you a sense of familiarity you would never have expected from a huge company like that.

Most of the new neighbours greeted friendly too. Most, apart from one. When you were unloading your car, he stood right in your way, a bear of a man, shooting you a death glare. Mumbling something about not being allowed to park here and stomping off. You did not pay attention to his word, being intimidated by his sheer size. A broad beast, grumpy at that. You made a mental note to avoid him. Great plan.

Here ‘s the thing with your plans: they tend to simply not work. Three weeks after starting over, you come home to for once not being greeted by Jack. Your cat Jack. Named after an infamous pirate because of his funny face and weird way to walk. Not being greeted by Jack stirred panic. He was old but almost never failed to wait at the door for you. He did not today. Searching the whole place for him you came up empty. When you realised, you had left the bedroom window open in the morning you started to hyperventilate. He liked to sit outside on the fire escape while you got ready in the mornings. Looking outside he is not there either. By now you were freaking out, running downstairs, calling for Jack. Climbing up the roof. Nothing. By now you were crying. Starting to search the apartment one more time. And then once more. At some point you cried yourself to sleep until you are woken up by frantic knocking at your door. While still trying to figure out where you’re at, you glimpse the clock. It says 2 a.m.. Great. And what is this noise? Right. Knocking. On the door. Furious by now.

Opening your door, you find your grumpy neighbour. Even more grumpy. Scowling. „Is this thing yours? “ he asks, lifting Jack into your line of vision.

 As relieved as you were to have your cat back. That was when things got out of hand. Thanks to that scare you frantically double checked every window every day before leaving for work. All is good for five days. When you get home on the sixth though – Jack is gone. Again. And the window you double checked the very same morning is open. You panic. Torn between hoping Jack broke into your grumpy neighbours’ place again hence being safe and him sitting on the roof calling out pigeons. You check the yard, the roof. No Jack. Hesitantly you knock at Mr. Grumpy’s door. No answer. Going onto midnight you hear the elevator and spy onto the floor. There he is. You brace yourself and head out. Looking apologetic. „um Hi, I am so sorry, but my cat escaped again. Would you mind checking if he did break into your place again? “. He does not answer. Unless grunts count as answers. He just raises an eyebrow at you and tilts his head in direction of his door. You avoid breathing and follow him into his apartment. Where you find your cat sits lounging on the couch like he owns the place. You cannot help but snort. That is what you get naming the little fella after a pirate. Breaking and entering seems to be his thing. It takes you a moment to realise Mr. Grumpy is staring at you, so you take a deep breath, apologize again and introduce yourself. „You really need to close your windows, you know? Not just from keeping that thing in your place but also to keep others out.“. Telling him, you double checked your windows just earns you a headshake. And there is that critical eyebrow again. Great. Then it dawns on you „if your so adamant on checking windows, how do you think Jack got in here? “. Now he looks puzzled. „Who is Jack? “ he asks and you fight hard to not snort again. “The cat, obviously” you answer. That earns you another grunt. ‘Great at communication that specimen’ you think and grab your cat. “Uhm, I am so sorry he, uhm…, we invaded your place again. So so sorry. Thanks for your patience. Good night, Mister?” “Marshall”. And that is the last thing he says. “Well good night Mister Marshall”. At that you hold on to your furry, purring companion and head back into your apartment. From now it will be triple checking the windows it seems.

Three times within the next you need to get your cat from his new favourite hideaway during the next week. The only new thing is Mr Grumpy telling you “it’s just Marshall”. Everything else is the same. Like being trapped in a fucking time lapse. Him scowling, telling you to “fucking check your windows” and giving you that critical eyebrow of doom. Each time though, you start to notice things. About his place. About him. He seems to live out of boxes. His shelves are empty. The only cosy thing seems to be the fluffy blanket Jack made his favourite place on the black leather couch. Also, he wears a gun. And a batch. You despise guns but guess this one comes with the job. And his accent is foreign. No, not foreign, it is English. A bit like a lost, grumpy Mr. Darcy. WHAT? Mr. Darcy? You’ve got to be kidding me. Are you finally going insane? Now take your cat and get out of here!

How do you reason with a cat? You surely tried but the next time you have not even noticed Jack vanishing. It’s a Saturday and you were just filling your coffee cup when there is knocking on your door again. You open the door to a sleepy looking Marshall, holding Jack. Shrugging. Something is different. Taking your cat out of his huge hands you are about to apologize again, when he beats you to speaking “did you just make coffee?”. You nod and he steps into your apartment. “Well, come in, why don’t you?” you mutter and find him standing in front of your kitchen island, scratching his head, looking kind of lost. With huge eyes and a suddenly small voice he says “sorry for barging in like that, your little fella here woke me up. Pretty sassy for such a small guy. Would you mind sharing a cup of coffee? I forgot to go grocery shopping and seem to run out of everything.”. For a moment you stare at him, stunned from the number of words he just threw at you and the lack of grunts.  When you remember how to use your words, you tell him to take a seat, grab a cup and ask him how he prefers his coffee. Fixing both your cups and setting them on the table you finally get to apologize again for your little intruder, constantly breaking into his place. Marshall just shrugs at that and admits, that he has no idea how Jack opens the windows. He himself started to double and triple check his windows and it should not even be possible to open them from the outside. It is that moment you realise what is different. He looks sleepy but barely as tired as before and more important. He’s not grumpy. That’s new. And you do not know how to handle that. After silently drinking his coffee, he thanks you for the coffee and crouches down to pet Jack and tells him something that sounds like ‘see you mate’, then tells you goodbye and takes his leave.

It is the next Friday that you come home to a post-it on your door with “Jack is visiting” scribbled on it. Somehow you remember your cat not being overly fond with men, but he seems to have a soft spot for this one. Or his couch. Taking a deep breath, you turn and move over to knock at the next door. Heavy relaxed footsteps near and Marshall opens the door widely, motioning for you to come in. “We were just about to choose a movie and call for pizza. Why don’t you change into something more comfortable and join us?”. You look at the man as if he did just grow two more heads. Raising his eyebrow at you he adds “maybe choose pizza before you head over, so I can order already”. Shaking off the initial shock, you apologize. Before you can actually try to take a leave, he sternly asks “did you have dinner?”. When you shake your head, he repeats “come on, it’s just pizza and a movie. And maybe we should use the opportunity to discuss a shared custody arrangement for Jack.”. At that your stomach rumbles and when you see the glint in Marshalls eyes, you know this is a battle not worth fighting. And you are hungry. You tell him your pizza order and head over to shower and get changed. You wonder how you are not nervous about this. Since things went south with your ex you could hardly stand to be alone with one man. Let alone spend the evening at his place for dinner and movie.

Back at Marshalls place he offers you a bottle of water and his cosy looking armchair. While himself settling beside Jack on the couch. He suggests watching pirates of the Caribbean and you accept, telling him that you actually named the cat after Jack Sparrow to which he counters “It’s captain. Captain Jack Sparrow.”. The evening proceeds with you watching the movie, laughing and having pizza. You are taken aback to realise he actually ordered some extra tuna for Jack. From time to time, you catch yourself watching Marshall instead of the movie. He seems so much younger when relaxed. And handsome. How did you not realise what a beautiful face hides behind those curls and that beard?

After the movie you grab your snoring cat and thank Marshall for the evening when he pushes something cold into your free hand. You need a moment to realise, that he just handed you a key and give him a puzzled look. “I told you we’ll need a shared custody agreement, considering this little one keeps breaking and entering and claiming this apartment. I often work long hours and when shit hits the fan even spend the nights at the office. You might need it to retrieve the lodger.”. With that he winks - well tries to and fails – and opens the door for you, telling you goodnight.

[narrators-journal]

Illumi's family arranged for him to marry the daughter of a famous murderous family, his fiancee has the personality of Violet Evergarden, they have a son together, but before Illumi finds out about the child, she breaks up the marriage! 5 years later he found out about the prodigy son, what would his reaction be? Would he try to get custody of the child or would he force the reader to remarry and start a family? (Illumi Yandere obsessive)

So, I had a bit of fun and made this a little scenario! Though, to answer your question, he'd force reader-chan to remarry him and play family. I hope you enjoy this little ditty!

To be fair, betrothal had a track record for being somewhat fickle in the longevity department, Illumi could admit that. He'd wanted his marriage to you to take after his own parents' relationship, long lasting, happy, stable. However, you had been stubbornly independent from the first day he'd met you when he was 12, all because you had come from your own well off, assassin-trained family. That fact had pissed him off as a child, it'd annoyed him the most as a teen, because at 16 you were particularly enthusiastic with your defiance of his rules and commands, and it hadn't sat well with him when you finally officially married him, but he'd tried to negotiate with you and keep the peace. You obey him, he won't use his needles on you, win-win.

Guess not, since about a year into the arrangement, you'd been able to worm your way through a loophole that let you divorce him. Hence why you were currently playing a nasty game of tag.

That was something of the last straw for Illumi. He could learn to manage you going against his rules, he could put up with your stubborn personality and spiteful refusal to give up birth control, but he would never allow his wife to just walk out on him. So, when you'd vanished, he of course went looking for you, which was a hassle and a half since you were trained to work in his line of business. So, he tried not to be annoyed when his hunt lasted for a few years, but it really did eat at him.

I'm about to just declare (y/n) dead and find a new wife. He thought one day, five years into his hunt, while he trudged around a shop with his mother's list of demands in hand. As time had gone on, Kikyo Zoldyck, Illumi's mom, had made a habit out of sending him personally to grocery shop so he would stop fuming around the estate. So, dressed in one of his sweatshirts and some shorts, Illumi was standing in a store, grumpily musing over what to do about his runaway wife while finding the stuff his mother asked for. Suddenly, just as he turned down another aisle, he spotted a strange child all alone in the pathway, looking down at some candy.        "Where are your parents?" he asked, and when the boy looked up at him, his eyes narrowed. He was looking back into his own dark, bottomless eyes. "Where is your mother?" he asked again, his voice somewhere between calm and tense, but the child acted as if he didn't hear any of the malice in Illumi's voice, just turning and running off down the aisle with his chosen candy in hand.

Swiftly, Illumi put his own shopping down and went after him, following the young boy down a few aisles before losing him in a small crowd. So, the man huffed, clenching his fist and repressing the hot rage coursing through his veins before returning to his shopping and just going to buy everything he had, his mother would have to send a butler to finish the list later. However, while standing in line, stewing in his frustration, confusion, and wrath at the potential answers he was thinking up to explain the odd child, the long haired assassin struck a gold mine of luck. Out of the corner of his eye, walking towards the exit, he spotted the familiar puppy-patterned shirt of the toddler he'd seen earlier, but this time said child was holding onto the hand of a woman.

So, acting quickly, he put his things down again and went after the duo, catching up to them and grabbing the woman by the wrist when they were outside in the parking lot.           "Hey!" you snapped, whirling around to face Illumi, that sickly familiar look of aggression instantly giving you away,           "(y/n)." Your name was curt and rather inexpressive, but Illumi's aura held all of the underlying meaning and threat he needed for your narrowed, (e/c) eyes to flit through a multitude of emotions. Terror, anger, back to fear, than back to anger, and finally, a cold, hateful, calm.           "Can the Zoldycks really not afford a dictionary? We're divorced Illumi, you have no right to bother me." you hissed, yanking your wrist out of his bruising hold while inching your son behind you.           "We can talk about the 'divorce' later, as for my rights, I have quite a few when it comes to my child." He pointed out, glancing down to the dark-eyed child behind you, getting an evil look in response,           "He isn't your kid, fucker. You're not the only man I've slept with, stupid." you shot back, barring your teeth at the murderer-for-hire.

For a long moment, the two of you stared one another down. Both were obviously pissed and full of malice, but with a small child that could likely be Illumi's so close, neither could express that aggression, whether it be through their auras or a vitriolic fight. So, they were somewhat stuck in a stalemate until Gotoh broke the tension,           "Master Illumi, would you like some assistance?" He offered, bringing to your attention that you were caged in by two butlers and Illumi. To make things worse for you, Illumi caught that realization in your body language and relaxed a bit knowing he'd finally got you back.            "Let's just go home. Gotoh, call the doctor for a DNA test, I'll need it for the kid." Illumi said, breaking the hateful staring contest he'd been in with you to once again look at the small, (your hair color) boy you were doing your best to keep from him.           "Fuck off, Illumi, I'm leaving." You snapped, refusing to give in without at least a tiny fight, which the man understood, but he refused to let you go again.           "That's where we're going, (y/n), home." he assured, and before you could argue again or attack him, Gotoh put a hand on your shoulder and firmly led you to the car, letting Illumi follow, in a far better mood now.

[raysofcrosby]

WHATEVER LIFE THROWS AT YOU – m. tkachuk

part eight – SHOULD I STAY OR SHOULD I GO?

warning(s): language, matt having a total of 2 brain cells, violence (in a brotherly love kind of way i guess) and angst.

summary: caroline and matt try to recover from a long overdue conversation gone wrong, where things just continue to get worse on both ends. matt makes a phone call to an old friend to get some fatherly advice and is stuck with a decision to make.

word count: 9,824

an: so like i know matt and brady probs wouldn’t fight like this in real life (i mean siblings fight so who knows) but in this part and for v obvious reasons, they have a little throw down. okay bye. also pls don’t roast me for the chapter titles or summaries– i can barely come up with anything for both hence why they’re always so cheesy 🥺🥴

⇠ previous part • playlist • series masterlist • join the series taglist • next part ⇢

The silence was heavy between them as they sat there on her living room couch. Caroline did as he asked– she told him everything that had taken place from the moment that she took the pregnancy test at planned parenthood. She felt anxious as she spoke, his intense gaze never leaving hers as if he was scared that if he looked away, he’d miss a detail. And she felt just as terrified sitting next to him while reliving the decisions she made when she was that scared 17-year-old girl.

But she had finished speaking her piece minutes ago and neither of them had said a word. He only rested his clasped hands underneath his chin and stared off at the tv in front of them before rubbing his hands down his face, returning them beneath his chin. A cycle he’d gone through three...now four, times as they sat there.

Instead of bringing his hands back beneath his chin, he rested them on his thighs and turned to her, exhaling. “You told me that you weren’t pregnant.”

“Yes.”

“But you were.”

“Yes.”

“And instead of telling me, you ran away to Illinois, broke up with me over a text message, blocked me on literally everything...and made my parents keep it a secret.” He looked up from his lap, his eyes squinted slightly as he shook his head. “Is that about it? Do I have it all?”

Caroline nodded, keeping her hands in her lap as she looked up at him and spoke softly. “Yes.”

He leaned back into the couch and ran his hands down his face again, exhaling as he shook his head. “Jesus, Caroline, can you say anything but yes?”

“I don’t know what you want me to say, Matt.”

“I want you to explain it to me!” He yelled, sitting up and letting his hands drop into his lap. “I want to know why in the hell you ever thought that hiding the fact that I have a son, was ever a good idea.”

“I told you–”

“No, you didn’t. You told me that you were scared. You never, ever gave me a reason why you haven’t told me in the last eight fucking years, that he existed. You never gave me a reason why you broke up with me. All you gave me was an excuse.”

Caroline held back the tears in her eyes as best as she could. She’d prepared for this moment for years, expecting just this reaction. Sitting here, being on the brunt end of his anger, really was all her fault. She had eight years of opportunities to tell him and year after year, she ran off for the months she knew he was back home...because she was scared to face him like she was now.

She may now be an almost 26-year-old woman, but deep down, there’s a part of her that’s still that scared 17-year-old girl.

“I told you, Matthew,” she said, trying her best to speak confidently. “You were going off to Ontario and you needed to have the season of your life if you were going to go high up in the draft– like you’ve dreamed about since we were kids.”

“I’m not accepting that,” he said, shaking his head. “That’s not the reason and you know it’s not. You’re way too smart for that to be the reason, Caroline. So go ahead, try again. What’s the real reason?”

She was silent and he huffed, clearly annoyed. “You lied to me, Caroline! You lied to me for weeks before breaking up with me!”

“I wasn’t going to keep him!” She yelled, taking a sharp breath and sitting back once the words left her mouth. “I-I didn’t tell you because I wasn’t going to…” Her voice faded off as she looked at her lap. “I was going to get an abortion...but I changed my mind.”

“And yet you still lied to me.” He waved his hands out towards her. “You could’ve told me. I-I would've done something or, fuck I don’t know, but you should’ve told me.”

She shook her head. “No, because you needed to go to Ontario. You needed to g-go and play for the Knights and you needed to focus on hockey and-and,”

He laughed dryly, rolling his eyes. “You’re literally repeating yourself, Caroline! That’s not a good enough reason for you to lie to me and hide him from me! It’s an excuse and I want to know why you did it!”

“That is the real reason and I’m sorry you can’t accept that!” She snapped, sitting up taller. “I-I was a scared 17-year-old teenager who was pregnant with her boyfriend's baby. A boyfriend who was literally moving thousands of miles away and then God knows where else.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?” He asked, leaning forward on his knees. “I came home that summer and you were here for a week when I was, I know you were because Andrew let it slip when I saw him. You could’ve told me, right there Caroline.”

“You were planning on going to the combine and–”

“Unbelievable!” He huffed in annoyance, shaking his head as he fell back into the couch before sitting back up again. “Did you really think that if you told me I’d what? Dip? Leave you? What Caroline? Explain to me why you had that chance to tell me and you never did.”

“How was I supposed to look you in the eye and tell you that you have a son when I broke up with you over text message, huh?” She said, tears falling down her face. “I was scared, Matt. I was scared of what you’d say, what you’d do a-and I just, I couldn’t handle it.”

He shook his head, rubbing his jaw as he scoffed. “Eight years, Caroline.” He said, looking at her. “You took eight years away from me and for what? Because you were scared?” His voice was raising, the anger taking over him. “Not to mention you got my entire family to lie to me! Brady and Taryn knew he was mine before I did!”

“I didn’t tell them, not initially.” She said, hugging herself. “Taryn figured it out my right before my freshman year of college. Your Mom would watch him for me, and told Taryn that he was a friend's nephew she was watching, so she was around him a lot since you and Brady were gone and she still lived at home.” Caroline sniffled, shaking her head. “She only connected the dots because he looked exactly like you did. She brought out baby pictures and everything...confronted your Mom one afternoon when she got home from school and your Mom told her.”

“What about Brady?” He asked, the anger still in his voice. “He was gone in Michigan, how did he find out?”

“Right before he went back to Michigan. You were back in Calgary already and he overheard your Dad on the phone with mine, talking about dropping Ethan off at the house. He already suspected like Taryn did, because of the eyes and the cheeks...but your Dad told him after Brady just asked if he was mine. He did the math on his own..he found out first, Taryn second.”

She could see that he was seething as he sat there, resting his chin on top of his hands again. His jaw was clenching every so often and a vein on the side of his head would pop after every deep breath he took. “Eight years, Caroline,” he sighed in disbelief, shaking his head.

“Don’t be mad at them, okay?” She asked, scooting over slowly. “I-I made them all promise not to tell you and I’ve been meaning to, I just kept pushing it back more and more and just...don’t be mad at them.”

He took a deep breath and shook his head, exhaling as he pushed himself up off of the couch. “Where are the pies?”

“Matthew, stop.”

“No, Caroline, I’m not doing this, I can’t, okay?” He said, walking towards the dining room table to see six foil-covered pies. “I told my Mom I’d help you, so I’m helping you.”

“I don’t know what else you want me to say!” She said, getting up and walking over to him. “I gave you my reason, I told you everything that happened. How your family knows and why I kept pushing the date back.”

“Seriously, Care, I’m not.” He said, picking up three pies and trying to balance them in his arms.

“Matt just–”

“Were you ever going to tell me?” He asked, turning to face her. “I-I mean were you going to tell me this year? When he was 10? 12? 18? Were you just going to keep pushing it back, keeping me in the dark until someone just slipped up one day and told me?”

She gulped, nodding her head as she crossed her arms. “This summer. I was planning on staying in town and telling you when you came home.”

“Because you’re marrying Jonathan.” He said, staring at her. “He was the only reason you were ever going to tell me. Does he know? Did he find out before me too? I-I mean, everyone else already knew before me! Heather, your family, my family, Emma found out before me! So tell me, does Mr. Stick up his ass Jonathan know that Ethan is my son? Or is he in the dark too?”

“He found out the day I ran into you at the store,” she whispered, holding her arms tighter against her as she watched his face crumble in disbelief. “But it was an accident, I swear! I-I was drunk and I never wanted him to find out before you did, I promise.”

“But he did, Caroline!” Matt yelled, shaking his head. “He knew before me, me! Just because you’re marrying the douchebag doesn’t mean he gets to find out something as big as that before I do.”

“Don’t bring him into this, he has no role in this, Matthew,” she spat, staring at him.

“But he does, Caroline. He had a big role in this because you’re marrying him and he’ll be the step-father to my son. My son who, by the way, if you ever even paid attention, doesn’t even like Jonathan.” He balanced the pies again before shaking his head. “I’m done, I’ll see you at the house.”

“Matthew, stop!” She said, following behind him. “Sit back down, we need to talk and figure this out-“

“Do you even realize what you’ve done?” He asked, turning back around. “You didn’t just take away eight years from me, you took that away from Ethan too. You took away our relationship and you’re acting like it’s some stupid walk in the park.”

“Matt, I’m sorry, okay? I’m sorry and I don’t know what else to say,” she pleaded, stepping towards him. “It- there...there was never just a right time to do it.”

“He told me that he used to ask about his Dad all the time, but stopped because he saw that it made you upset.” He opened the door and looked back at her, his jaw clenching. “I’d say anytime in those eight years would’ve been a perfect time to tell him.”

“Matt-“

“I don’t even think I’m that mad about you not telling me,” he said, laughing in disbelief. “I mean, I’m a grown man, I’ll get over it maybe. But he’s a kid, Caroline. He’s a kid who’s never known his father, who’s grown up alongside his grandparents and aunt and uncle without even knowing that’s what they are. A kid who loves his mother and trusts her so much.”

“He told me that you guys don’t keep secrets.” He shook his head, sticking out his bottom lip slightly. “So you keeping this from me is bad, but keeping it from him is so much worse. It’d probably break his heart.”

Caroline couldn’t speak, because he was right. All this time, she’d been so afraid of telling Matt. How he’d react to the news and how he’d feel towards Ethan or her. Sure, it crossed her mind a few times just how this could affect Ethan too, but it just never dawned on her that he could react just as bad. She always thought that one day, with Matt by her side, the two of them would sit him down and tell him everything. He’d be upset, as expected, but then he’d build a relationship with Matt and over time, it’d all be fine.

Except everything was not fine and Matt’s words brought her back to when she was still pregnant with Ethan and Andrew was angry at her for blocking Matt out of the picture. Eight years and she could still hear his words loud and clear.

“I’m not stupid, but if you think that Matt won’t hate you for this, then you’re the stupid one. You haven’t even had your baby yet and you’re already ruining his life. You’ll be a crappy Mom.”

He was right. Matt was right. Everything that she’s done, thinking that she was protecting him— was wrong. All wrong.

“I…” she shook her head, opening and closing her mouth. “I didn’t mean to-“

“But you did, Caroline. You’ve had eight years to tell him and me the truth and you haven’t done it.” He opened his mouth to say something but stopped. Instead, he turned around and went to leave.

“Wait!” Caroline reached out and grabbed his arm, trying to keep him inside.

“Caroline, no-“ He turned around and the three pies he was holding, all dropped to the floor with a splat.

The two of them stared down at the pies on the floor in silence. Two pies had pretty much exploded, Matt’s quick attempt to try and stop them from falling causing the foil on top of them to loosen and fall off before they hit the floor. The third was upside down, half of the foil ripped off but nothing showed that it was a mess.

If you were to go into the deeper parts of her overactive mind, you’d find that she was trying to turn this incident into the symbolism of the aftermath of her big secret. The two pies that exploded? Ethan and Matt- the two people who would be hurt the most by her keeping the secret for so long. The third? It was her. From the outside, it looked all nice and put together, but on the inside, it was a big question of if she would ever be okay again or if she was just one big mess.

She walked into the kitchen, opening a drawer and grabbing a bunch of kitchen towels, walking back over and squatting down on the floor. She looked up at Matt to see him standing there with his hands in his pockets, shaking his head.

“I-I can't be here right now, and I’m,” he paused, almost like he was going to apologize but didn’t. “I just can’t be here right now.”

“Here?” She asked, looking around the house as she picked up a towel, nodding towards him. “Or Chesterfield?”

He blinked a few times as if he was allowing himself to ask himself that same question. “Both.” He whispered, his hardened features falling soft.

“Please don’t let what I did make you leave,” she said, pushing herself up onto her feet. “Don’t leave your family and don’t…” she paused, looking down at the towel in her hands. She wanted to say ‘don’t leave us’ but what would ‘us’ mean? Her and Ethan? Her and Matt? Her, Ethan, and Matt? “Don’t leave.”

He just turned around and walked out onto her porch, reaching the first step before turning back around. “I know it’s your birthday in a few days, but I really don’t know if I’ll be here or not.”

“Matt...“

He held his hand up halfway, cutting her off. “Ask Brady for your birthday gift from me.” He must’ve seen the way her eyebrows rose because he sighed and shook his head. “It’s from back when you broke up with me. Thought I’d be able to give it to you when I came home in the summer...but obviously, I couldn’t. He knows where it is, ask him for it if you want it.”

He turned back around and walked down the steps, looking back over his shoulder and giving her a sad smile. “Happy Thanksgiving, Caroline. And if I’m not here...then Happy Birthday too. Tell Ethan I’m sorry we didn’t get to work on the backhand shot more.”

Caroline watched as he walked down the steps and down the sidewalk that led to the garage before disappearing from sight. She stood there, wondering if she should go after him. Would he stop? Listen to her pleas and come back to the house? Or would he simply just keep walking and never even bothering to turn around and give her a second thought? She closed the door slightly before bending down and wiping up a splash of the cherry pie that had made its way beneath the door before wiping the door down as well.

Walking back to the sink, she turned it on and rinsed out the towel before walking back to the floor and getting down onto her knees to clean up the mess. She grabbed one towel after the other as she started to wipe up the broken pieces of pie from the floor. She didn’t care if the mess of mangled up pie in soaked towels got her shirt wet as she carried them back to the sink to rinse out. All she could think about was Matt and their conversation.

She went back to the floor and started to wipe up the mess again, trying to control her heavy breathing and closing her eyes tightly every few seconds to fight back the tears. And once she got that urge to cry under control, she’d open her eyes and start cleaning again...until Matt popped up in her head a few seconds later.

By the time that she heard the front door being slowly pushed open, she was dropping another soaked towel on top of another, tears falling down her red cheeks and clenching her jaw in an effort to try and stop the sobs from escaping.

“Hey Line, Mom sent me-“ Brady paused, standing in the doorway as he looked around. “Where’s Matt?”

“Everyone was right,” she mumbled, getting up again with the towels in her arms and bringing them back to the sink. “Everyone was right a-a-and I was stupid and wrong.”

“Line what’s wrong?” He asked, walking towards her, only for her to brush by him and drop back down to the floor to pick up the pans and bits of crust leftover.

Caroline just kept trying to blink away the tears and she picked up the first two pans, flipping them over and using her hands to throw the crust that was out into them. She stood up and walked to the trash-can, throwing them out before walking over to the last one, getting back down onto the floor to pick it up.

“Come on, talk to me,” Brady said, walking over with paper towels in his hand and squatting down in front of her, grabbing her hands and wiping them off. “Where’s Matt? My mom said he was here? Did something happen? Are you guys okay?”

Caroline looked up from the ground and opened her mouth to speak, a sob escaping first. She took a shuddered breath as her bottom lip trembled. “He knows. Matt...h-he knows.”

Brady’s features twisted in confusion before the reality of her words sunk in. He flipped the last pie over and tossed the paper towel into it after wiping up the floor. “Come on,” he said, grabbing onto her hand and helping her up.

“H-He said he was,” she hiccuped as Brady walked her into the kitchen to dump the pie into the trash. “He said he was leaving and i-it’s all my fault. Everyone was right, he hates me for-for what I did and Ethan’s going to hate me and he’s leaving.”

Brady turned around and hugged her tightly, pulling her into his 6’4” frame. “Ethan’s not going to hate you,” he whispered, rubbing small circles against her upper back. “And Matt doesn’t hate you, Line...I promise. He’s just...he’s upset. He could never hate you.”

Caroline shook her head, looking up at him. “You didn’t see the way he looked at me,” she sniffled. “He-He said he was leaving and it's all my fault.”

“Did he do that?” Brady asked, looking back at the doorway before looking back at her with furrowed brows. “Did he throw them or something? Did he hurt you?”

“What? No, no,” she sniffled as he brushed away at her cheeks. “I pulled on his arm to get him t-to stop and they just dropped and then he left.”

Brady turned her around and had her lean against the counter before he walked down the hall. He came back a few minutes later with, of course, the long sleeve blues shirt and stood in front of her nodding at her. “Take the shirt off.”

“Brady-“

“Take it off, Line. We’re going back to the house and you’re not going back with...wet pie residue all over you. I’ve literally seen you naked before, it’s no big deal.” He said, holding up the clean shirt.

“What?” She gasped, holding her shirt down. “N-no you—“

“Summer before your junior year. Mom and Dad went on a date, Taryn was at a sleepover, I had the flu. I was thirsty and came downstairs to get some water, you and Matt were in the living room on the couch. You had no shirt or bra on and I thought I was having a fever dream or something because I didn’t see Matt anywhere until his neanderthal hands came up and—“

“Okay, okay, stop,” she said, laughing slightly as she shook her head and lifted the stained shirt over her head, and handing it to Brady. “Please, no more details.”

“Just saying,” he replied, handing her the shirt and tossing the other one into the sink, soaking it with water. “I’m still scarred by that by the way.” He turned back to her and kept a hand on her lower back before handing her a pie and grabbing balancing the other two. “Come on, we need to go back...tell everyone what happened.”

“They’re just going to rub it in my face, Brady,” she mumbled, walking out with him and locking the door behind her. “Everyone was right a-and I didn’t listen because I thought I was right, but I was a stupid and scared teenager.”

“Exactly, Line.” He said, walking close to her. “You were a teenager. A teenager who became a Mom and was uncertain about the future with her boyfriend. No one's going to hold that against you.”

“Except your brother,” she mumbled, walking down to the Tkachuk’s home. “And Ethan. Oh God, Brady, how am I going to tell Ethan? I-I always wanted Matt to find out first and then we’d sit down with him and-“

“Hey, calm down,” he said, stopping them on the Tkachuk’s front porch. “One step at a time, Line. First Matt, then Ethan, okay? It might feel like the world is ending, but I promise that it’s not. Hopefully, Matt’s here and we can just sit down and talk it out and then figure out what to do with Ethan after.”

She nodded, leaning into him and giving him a one-armed hug. “Thank you, Brady. I know this is all my fault and I deserve all of this but,” she took one look at his raised brow and nodded. “Okay...calming down.”

Brady opened the front door and walked in, Caroline following behind him. Everyone was gathered in the living room as the two of them walked into the kitchen to put the pies down. Caroline paused, taking a calming breath before following Brady out into the living room and standing by the end of the couch.

“Is Matt with you guys?” Chantal asked, sitting beside Keith on the loveseat.

Brady and Caroline shared a look before looking back at her. “Where’s E?” Brady asked.

Caroline’s Dad pointed at Keith’s lay-z-boy, where Ethan was curled up in the seat, headphones on his head and an iPad lying on the arm. “Fell asleep watching Age of Ultron right after you left. Can’t really blame him, it’s not the most exciting movie.”

“Are you guys okay?” Caroline’s mom asked. “Is Matt behind you?”

“Matt…” Caroline faded off, looking at Brady for encouragement. He nodded and rested his hand on her upper back as she looked back at everyone, crossing her arms. “Matt knows...about Ethan. He knows everything.”

He didn’t go home. He couldn’t go home.

It was bad enough that his conversation with Caroline imploded in their faces ending with three smashed pies on the floor of her doorway. Pies he didn’t even stick around to help pick up because he felt like the walls were closing in around him, his mind screaming at him because he couldn’t wrap his mind around it.

Caroline lied about not being pregnant eight years ago and now he has a son who turns eight-years-old in two weeks. A son, he’s unknowingly been getting to know and bonding with— which was nice, but it never changed the fact that it blindsided him.

He has a kid. A literal eating, breathing, walking, and talking child. And he just found out...while everyone else has known all along.

How was he supposed to go back to that house and look any of them in the eyes after hearing Caroline telling him the whole story? Sitting around a table and pretending like he didn’t want to shove Brady’s face into his plate was hard enough or watching his parents laugh and joke around with Ethan— his son. 

All of them knew and they knew from the beginning. Sure, his parents were late to the ‘hey you’re grandparents party’ and Taryn and Brady were later— but they all knew before Ethan had even turned two. And even if his siblings didn’t know it, they still were pretty much there from the beginning. Part of him kept trying to understand why they’d keep it from him— to try and see why they agreed to help Caroline keep it a secret. She was like a daughter to them, they loved her and Andrew just as much as they loved their own kids.

But that didn’t mean it was right of them to keep it a secret. And hell, the same with Taryn and Brady. Whatever happened to sibling loyalty? Again, sure they saw Caroline as a sister but what the hell? He was their older brother! They literally had the same blood and DNA flowing through their veins. Why were they more loyal to her than to him?

So...he didn’t go home. After leaving Caroline’s place, he walked straight by his house and just kept going...and going...and going, hell he didn’t have a place in mind. He couldn’t stop thinking about what Caroline had told him and Ethan to even try and figure out where he wanted to go. Until he stopped walking cause his feet were starting to hurt and he looked up to see that he was at the neighborhood park...and right beside him was a bench.

The same bench his Mom was sitting on 22 years earlier when he came sprinting over to, crying because he had sand in his eyes, mouth, and nose after he accidentally face-planted into a 4-year-old Caroline’s sand pile. This park was where his life had changed...where he’d literally stumbled into Caroline Marsh’s life and hadn’t left for 14 years until she pushed him out of it completely with no notice and no explanation.

Well, it turns out there is an explanation and he’s turning eight years old soon.

He wasn’t sure how long he’d been sitting there as the sun went down. Minutes? Half an hour? Hours? His train of thought was just all over the place. How were things supposed to go from here? Was she going to tell Ethan? How would Ethan take it? Should he go back to Calgary? Would that fuck everything up if he did? He didn’t want to upset Ethan since he’d been so excited to just work with Matt on anything hockey-related...so would Ethan be upset if he left? Or the kids on his team?

And the one question that kept plaguing him most– how the hell was he supposed to be a father?

Caroline’s had eight years of this whole parenting thing. Not to mention she’s had both Matt’s parents and her parents to guide her along the way. And yeah, sure Matt had them too...but what if it just wasn’t his thing? He’s good with meeting kids, sure. He likes kids, yeah. But those are other people’s kids. Teammates kids and complete strangers kids. All he had to do with them was be nice, try and be their friend and that was it.

Ethan was his son. He’d have to make sure that Ethan was happy, healthy and you know, keep him alive. He’d have to teach him life lessons, right from wrong, answer questions about girls, give him the talk that Matt’s Dad gave him and Brady. He’d have to help him with homework and ground him if he ever did anything absolutely stupid and wrong. He wasn’t worried about trying to find things in common with him or bonding, it’s pretty clear that they’re well on the same page with that.

But everything else that came with being a parent, Matt had absolutely no idea what to do or if he could even do it. Did he have to read a book? How to be a Good Dad for Dummies or something? Do they have classes for Dads who just found out they have a kid and give them the basic how-tos? He could ask his Dad and Richard for advice...but right now, he couldn’t even stomach looking either of them in the eye. They both have sons. They have father-son relationships and maybe they’d formed a sort of the same type relationship with Ethan too and that thought just kind of made his stomach sink.

Out of everyone besides Caroline...those two should’ve told him, or at least his Dad. The two men who know the importance of father-son relationships kept him from having one with his own son. And that stung a lot more than he thought it would.

Matt dug into his pant pocket and pulled out his phone, ignoring the texts from Brady, Taryn, and his Mom and the different texts from teammates and social media notifications. He unlocked it and went to his contacts, clicking on the one person he knew would know how to talk him out of his own thoughts and at least...maybe answer some of his questions.

“Hello?”

“Hey, Gio, it’s Matt.”

“I know, Chucky,” Gio laughed. “Cell phones have caller ID you know.”

Matt laughed, crossing his left arm across his chest as he leaned back into the bench. “Yeah, sorry I forgot. It’s just been...a really crazy night.”

“You okay?” Gio asked, probably sensing the stress in his voice. “Is it the shoulder?”

Matt almost forgot that Gio had called him two weeks ago to catch up and ask how his shoulder and rehab were going.  They caught up and talked about family, how Gio’s retirement was going, and the team. Matt told him about how frustrating rehab was getting cause he just wanted to be back on the ice and all Gio did was laugh and say “you’ll be no help to anyone if you rush through recovery and reinjure yourself. Take your time.”

“No uh, the shoulder’s okay,” Matt replied, crossing his feet in front of him as he let the new words roll right off his tongue as he rolled his eyes. “Taking it all in stride.”

“Good, you don’t want to reinjure it when you make it back to Calgary. Don’t half-ass your rehab, Chucky. The guys are looking good and if they keep it up, you’ll be there to lead them through the postseason.” Matt could hear the faded voices of Gio’s family in the background and it only made his stomach drop even more. “So what’s up?”

Matt uncrossed his arm and let his hand rest on his pant leg as he sighed. “I found out I have a kid...a son.”

The voices faded out, cut off by the sound of a sliding door before Gio spoke again. “Okay, uh wow...when is she due? Or I guess uh, when was he born?”

“Eight years ago next month. We share the same birthday...”

“I’m sorry?” Gio choked out, coughing soon after. “Hold on, wait a second. So this isn’t some-“

“Some hook-up who got pregnant? No, come on I’m smarter than that.” Matt replied, rolling his eyes.

Obviously not since you have a kid, dumbass.

“Okay, wow...eight years,” even he could hear the stress in Gio’s voice as he exhaled. “That puts you-“

“Way before I got drafted to Calgary...yeah.”

It was silent, the only sounds Matt could hear were from the crickets somewhere in the grass around him. He always admired Gio from the moment he stepped foot into Calgary’s locker room, hell- from the moment Gio reached out to him after the draft and welcomed him to the team. He helped him adjust to life in the NHL when his parents or Grandpa couldn’t and always made sure he kept out of trouble and kept his head on straight those first two years when he was a teenager.

“The girlfriend, Caroline, right? The one you told me about when the guys kept giving you crap and calling you a Monk when you wouldn’t do hook-ups. Is she the Mom?” He asked, the creaking of a chair soon following.

“Yeah, she is. And I-“ Matt groaned, shaking his head. “I don’t know what to do. I mean, I’ve been hanging out with him and he’s cool but he doesn’t know and now I know, not to mention my entire family knew before either of us and no one's told me or him and I only found out because he was wearing a necklace I gave her when we were 14 and he said his Dad gave it to her. HIS DAD, GIO. ME. Matthew Tkachuk, father.”

“First of all, you need to calm down.” Gio laughed and Matt groaned again. 

“How am I supposed to do that?”

“Take a deep breath, dude. Hell, take a few because I barely caught anything you were saying and I’m assuming you’re alone right now, so if you were to pass out you’d be out of luck considering I’m in Canada.” Gio replied.

Matt took a few deep breaths, exhaling slowly with each one until he felt slightly calmer. “Okay, now what?”

“Now tell me what the problem is.”

“The prob-“ Matt choked, shaking his head. “The problem?! You mean, besides the obvious?!”

“The obvious being…?”

“That literally everyone I ever loved and cared about here kept it a secret that I have a son! Including his Mom who I’ve been in love with since I freaking met her!”

“We’ll come back to that second part later, but yeah. What’s the problem besides the obvious?” Gio asked, keeping his calm Captain-like demeanor. “What’s really upsetting you besides that?”

Matt paused, trying to resist from telling Gio he was being annoying and clearly missing the point. But if there was one thing Matt knew about Gio, it’s that he was pretty damn good at getting the guys to see a bigger picture. That was one of the many reasons why Matt respected him so much. He was a pretty talented guy on the ice and had great leadership skills, but he was an even greater guy off.

“I’m a Dad...to a kid.”

“Yeah, you are. And what’s wrong with that?”

“What’s wrong with that?!” Matt raised his arm without thinking, wincing once he felt the tight pull in his shoulder as he rested it back down. “What’s wrong with— do you remember when Sam got that goldfish my third season?”

“I know you are not about to compare this to Sam’s goldfish, Chucky.”

“But I am! Because you know what happened?” Matt said, sarcasm in his voice. “The fish died! He forgot to turn on its fricken tank filter!”

“Kids don’t need filters to survive, Matt. They don’t even have filters when they speak.” Gio laughed.

“But still, it died! I-I mean I’d like to think I’m a little more responsible and have more common sense than him, but still! Fish and kids go hand in hand!”

There was silence and then Gio’s loud laughter. Seriously, Matt has to pull his phone away from his ear because the laughter was so loud. “Oh my God, you two really are dumb and dumber,” he laughed, maybe he even started to cry from laughing so hard.

“Can you not laugh at my panic?” Matt scoffed, rolling his eyes. “This is serious, Gio. What do I know about being a father? I’ll tell you what I know, nothing! Absolutely nothing.”

Gio calmed down before he sighed, still trying to keep himself from laughing. “So you’re calling because you want parenting advice? Want to know the secrets to being a father?”

“Shit, you’re a Dad?” Matt gasped, voice dripping with sarcasm. “I had no clue.”

“Cut the shit, Chucky,” Gio laughed again, the creaking of his chair coming through the speaker as he probably leaned back. “Tell me about him.”

“Sam’s dead fish?”

“No, not Sam’s dead fish,” he sighed, rolling his eyes. “Your son…” Gio faded off, subtly asking for his name.

“Ethan.” Matt sighed, running his hand down his pant leg. “His name is Ethan.”

“Okay, tell me about Ethan. You said that you’ve been around him the last few weeks, right? So...tell me about him. What do you know?”

“Well, his name is Ethan, we share the same birthday and he turns eight this year.”

“Matt come on,” Gio scoffed, probably rolling his eyes. “You know what I mean.”

“Shut up, I was giving you a quick refresher,” Matt played off as a joke, but deep down he was nervous that maybe he didn’t know much. He’d only known Ethan for a few weeks, what if his answers weren’t what Gio wanted or expected him to know? “Seriously?”

“Seriously...tell me about him.”

“Okay,” Matt took a deep breath and exhaled, leaning back into the bench. “So he’s super smart with hockey. He’ll read off anyone’s stats like he’s just got it stored in his little kid brain or something– not even recent players, but like guys, my Dad played with and then some. But he’s also really smart in school too. He comes over after school to my parents' place before his practice and I’ll offer to help him with homework but he just sails right through it? Oh, except for math, he hates math.”

“Don’t we all,” Gio laughed.

“But he’s good at it, you know? He brags all the time about how he’s always in the top five kids in his class to finish those annoying timed math sheets. But he’s having a little bit of trouble with division, but who can blame him because whatever they’re teaching now is not how I learned how to do division in school.”

“Okay, what else?”

“His favorite colors are blue and red, he kind of alternates between the two. He always has a pb&j as an after-school, pre-practice or pre-game snack. He also prefers his sandwich cut diagonally. One time I cut it normally and he accused me of throwing him off his pre-practice and pre-game routine.” Matt chewed on the inside of his cheek, laughing. “Oh, get this. So when he gets ready for practice, right? He literally puts his skates on first, then his shin pads, and then his pants and it’s the funniest thing to see him try and wiggle his way into the pants but he refuses to change the order. And then his tape job? Starts off in the middle and has to draw a little smiley face on the first strip of tape before taping it over and going heel to toe.”

He ran his fingers through his hair, shrugging his shoulders. “Caroline definitely got him hooked on 20/20, he’s asked to watch it before when waiting for her to pick him up. I don’t even think he has a favorite hockey team, he just really seems to love them all but I’ll have to ask. He’s weird like his Mom when it comes to pizza toppings, like dude...he actually asked for green peppers on a pizza. What kid willingly eats green peppers? He’s also apparently super allergic to peaches, no clue where he got that from since Care and I aren't allergic to anything. Oh, and he hasn’t said anything about it...but there’s this girl named Melody on his team, she’s like one of their best players and I think he’s got a major crush on her.”

Matt took a deep breath and exhaled, shaking his head. “I don’t know, man. He’s just...he’s a really cool kid, you know? Hanging out with him is a constant go, go, go kind of thing and he just talks and talks and he’s got so much stuff to say and it’s actually interesting, not the usual gibberish kids talk.” Matt laughed, sighing soon after. “He’s cool, I think you’d like him. He reminds me of me when I was younger, but I definitely see a lot of Care in there too. I don’t know...it’s weird, but it’s also really cool.”

“You want to know the secret to being a good father, Matt?” Gio asked, after letting a short time of silence pass between them. “You’re already doing it.”

“What?” Matt asked, his eyebrows furrowing. “How does me knowing any of that stuff make me a good Dad?”

“Because you know it, man. You said it yourself, you’ve only known him for a few weeks, and yet you just spilled out practically every little thing about him that makes him...him.” He could hear Gio shifting in his chair as he sighed. “Nobody knows how to be a good parent, Matt. There isn’t some magical manual out there in the world that you can read and suddenly be this super perfect parent to your kids.”

“...Then how do you do it? I mean, how am I supposed to parent an eight-year-old?” Matt asked, standing up from his spot on the bench and taking one last look at the playground before turning around and making his way home.

“Honestly? It comes pretty naturally. I mean, the basics are simple: care for them, love them, guide them, talk to them, listen to them and just...be there. Everything else comes with it. The bonding, the inside jokes, learning how to discipline when necessary, teaching them how to be a good person and all that fun stuff...you just, you feel it. I don’t know how else to explain it, really.”

“Thanks, Gio...really, man. I appreciate it.” Matt said, nodding. “I just...I really don’t want to mess this up, you know? My Dad...my Dad was great and I only wish I could be to Ethan like he was to Brady, Taryn, and I.”

“You will, Chucky. You’re already doing a great job, just...don’t psych yourself out and you’ll be surprised by how easy it is to just adapt to that role. Don’t get me wrong, parenting isn’t easy by any means and sometimes you’ll want to pull your hair out...but it’s rewarding in a lot of ways.”

“Can I call you if I have any questions?”

“Absolutely, I’m here.”

“Thanks, Gio...for everything. And definitely expect another call sometime soon.”

“No problem, he sounds like a great kid, Matt. His Mom and your families did a pretty good job raising him.” He could hear Gio get up from his chair and take a breath. “I know what they did is hurtful, but before you go making rash decisions, I think you should talk to them. Hear them out.”

“I don’t know, Gio. That might be a little way out for me.” Matt sighed, shaking his head. “And I may or may not have already threatened to go back to Calgary when I got into an argument with Caroline.”

“Do that and I’ll fly to Calgary myself, kick your ass and force you back on a plane back home,” Gio said, no joking tone in his voice. “You’ve got a kid, Matt. Running away is the shittiest thing you can do.”

Matt nodded, swallowing the lump in his throat. “I hear you.” He came to a stop in front of his house, seeing that the living room light was still on. “Thanks for this, I’ll talk to you later man.”

“Here for you, Chucky. Stay healthy and get out of that head of yours for once, okay? You’ll be okay.” Gio replied. “Talk to you later.”

Matt hung up the phone and shoved it into his pant pocket before walking up the driveway and the front steps, stopping in front of the front door. He was hoping that everyone had gone to bed, and since Emma’s car wasn’t in the driveway, he could assume that at least she and Brady were gone. He also hoped that they hadn’t locked the door since he didn’t have his keys with him. When he reached for the doorknob and twisted it, he sighed in relief— it was unlocked. He opened the door and walked in, closing it behind him and turning around.

“Where have you been?”

Matt walked towards the living room to see Brady and Taryn sitting on the couch, breaking bad playing on the screen. “I went for a walk.” He kicked his shoes off and turned towards the steps. “And now I’m going to bed.”

“I know,” Brady said, standing up off of the couch. “We know that you know...about Ethan.”

Matt turned back around, shaking his head. “I’m surprisingly in a much better mood than I was earlier Brady, so I don’t want to hear your bullshit excuses.”

“So you’re just going to leave instead? Fly back to Calgary and what? Sit in your apartment and pout?” Brady asked, shrugging his shoulders. “Yeah, Line told me what you said.”

“Not surprised,” Matt replied, rolling his eyes. “Seems like she tells you everything, huh?” His gaze drifted to Taryn before nodding his head down the hall to where his parents' room was. “Tells all of you everything but me. Even when it comes to my own kid.”

“Matt, she didn’t tell us...we just, we found out.” Taryn said, crossing her arms.

“And you kept it a secret from me,” Matt said, raising his voice slightly. “You know, I guess I can kind of understand why Mom and Dad did it, but you guys? You’re my siblings! After all the shit I’ve covered for you guys in the past and done for you...you did this?”

“Stop acting like you’re the only one who’s hurt by this, dude.” Brady matched Matt’s tone of voice, stepping towards him. “Do you really think everyone’s enjoyed keeping it from you? No, but we had to. We had to for you, for Line—“

“Why is everyone so worried about her?” He yelled, raising his one good arm and letting it fall. “What about me, dude?! What about Ethan? Did neither of the two most important people in the fucking equation cross any of your minds?”

“Just because you’re pissed doesn’t mean you had to leave Line’s place like that. The fucking pies on the ground, are you serious? What’s your problem?” Brady asked, furrowing his brows and crossing his arms.

“Oh fuck off, Brady, and get off your stupid high horse,” Matt said, stepping closer. “I found out that I have a kid and everyone has been lying to me about it for years. So excuse me if I didn’t want to clean up some stupid Thanksgiving pies.”

The two of them stood toe to toe, the anger flowing between them both as Taryn stood off by the couch, arms still crossed. “Maybe we should save this conversation for tomorrow,” she said, failing to gain their attention. “It’s been a long day and—“

“Yeah, keeping a secret like that for eight years can really weigh on a person.” Matt snapped.

“Don’t talk to her like that,” Brady said, waving towards Taryn. “She’s right. Go upstairs and sleep it off. We’ll talk about it in the morning if you don’t escape back to Canada in the middle of the night like you did to come back home.”

“Fuck off,” Matt said, shoving Brady back. “You don’t get a say in any of this.”

“I do when you’re about to be a dumbass and run away because what? You’re scared? You’re pissed?” Brady replied, shoving Matt’s chest. “Get over it and step up, Matt. Be a fucking father to Ethan and don’t just run back to Calgary like a dog with its tail between its legs.”

Matt felt fine when he came back from talking to Gio. He took his words to heart and calmed down a lot. But Brady was pushing his buttons and he knew which buttons to push to get through to him since the two of them grew up together, literally always trying to piss the other off or at least try to get them to see how stupid they were being. But if that’s what Brady was trying to do- to get Matt to see how stupid his actions with Caroline earlier were- that’s not what he was accomplishing.

He was pissing him off.

Matt shoved Brady harder, the anger slowly taking him over as he stepped closer to Brady. “You think you have any right to tell me to step up and get over it?” Another shove. “Where do you even think you get the right to say that shit to me?” He shoved him back again until Brady was up against the back of the couch, Matt standing in front of him. “Just because you lied to me and have known Ethan longer, doesn’t mean you get to tell me how the hell I get to feel.”

“Stop being assholes and cut it out!” Taryn yelled, coming from around the couch. “You’re both being stupid, just go to bed.”

“Stay out of it, Taryn,” Matt said, not even looking at her.

“I’m not fighting you,” Brady said, shoving Matt’s hands off of his shirt. “All I’m saying is now you know that you have a kid, maybe you should put all of this grudge shit aside and focus on him.”

“Yeah, that’d make you feel like less of a shitty human wouldn't it?” Matt scoffed, rolling his eyes. “‘Oh, I kept it from you for a good reason but now that you know let’s pretend it never happened!’ Am I right? Is that what you’re heading towards?”

“Jesus Matt, get over it! She chose to do what she chose to do, it’s in the past!” He yelled, shaking his head. “If you want to pout about it go ahead, but you have a son, and pouting about how you never knew he existed won’t change the fact that he does and that she made a choice. The only thing you can do now is accept it and move on.”

“You want me to get over it? Fine! How about Emma has a kid and keeps it a secret for eight years and everyone knows but you, huh? See how you feel then!” Matt stepped back, shaking his head. “Let everyone else form a relationship with them and see all of those important milestones and then see how you feel about it, Brady. Cut the shit.”

“God, you’re not even mad about that!” Brady said, shaking his head. “You’re literally just fucking jealous! You have your relationship with Ethan, man. There’s so many other things you’ll get to see. Jesus Christ, Matt you’re almost 26! Grow the hell-“

Matt swung before the last word could even leave his brother's lips, hitting him high up on his left cheekbone. Brady grabbed onto his shirt collar and shoved him back, trying to keep Matt back.

“Stop you’re both being idiots!” Taryn yelled, grabbing a throw pillow from the couch and tossing it at them. “Get your heads out of your asses for once in your fucking lives!”

“I’m not fighting you, Matt,” Brady said, shoving him back and leaning back as Matt went to swing at his arm.

“Doesn’t mean I won’t deck you again if you keep saying that shit and act like an asshole,” Matt replied, digging his elbow into the crook of Brady’s arm to loosen his grip.

Brady wasn’t stupid, he knew Matt’s moves in a fight like Matt knew Brady’s, so he knew to expect a hand to come at his shirt to try and grip it for leverage. “You’re being an idiot,” he smacked Matt’s hand away, still having a hand on his shirt.

“You’re the idiot!” Matt replied, charging towards Brady, the both of them each trying to get the other in a headlock, arms tangled as they tried to force the other off of them.

“Says the idiot,” Brady grunted, shoving his arm hard into Matt, hitting his shoulder, the little grip Matt had on Brady with his left hand, faltering.

“What the hell is going on?!” The angry voice of their father echoed through the living room and before they knew it, Matt and Brady were being tugged apart by the back of their shirts and separated.

Taryn was standing by Matt, her hands tangled in the back of his shirt to keep him from going back to Brady while his Dad had a grip on Brady’s shirt, his Mom standing between them both.

“You two better have an explanation for why you’re acting like idiots and fighting in my living room!” It was rare to ever see their Dad angry like he was now, only ever getting the strict voice when they were kids and acting up.

Brady adjusted his shirt and tried to catch his breath as he shook his head. “Nothing it’s fine, small disagreement.”

“Matthew? Taryn?” His Mom asked, looking at them both.

“Yeah, small disagreement.” Taryn agreed.

Matt let out a dry laugh, shaking his head as he tugged himself out of Taryn’s grip. “You know what we were fighting about? We were fighting about how all of you betrayed me and lied to me for the last eight years.”

They all looked at each other before looking back at him, each with the same sad pitiful look in their eyes, and Matt hated it. He hated having their pity when he never should’ve had it in the first place.

“You guys are my siblings, we do anything for each other,” he said, looking away from Taryn and focusing his attention on Brady. “You’re my brother, you’re supposed to be my best friend. Both of you are and the two of you kept it from me.”

He looked towards his parents, especially hating the way they were looking at him. “You guys are my parents…” he clenched his jaw as he tried to stop himself from letting the anger and tears take over him. “Out of everyone, I figured you two would be the ones to be honest and straightforward with me.”

His parents' faces fell as his Dad sighed, shaking his head. “Matthew-“

“No, I’m tired of the excuses!” He said, shaking his head. “There are no excuses for this.”

“Sweetie, you have to understand why Caroline did what she did. She didn’t do it to hurt you—“

“Why are you siding with her?” He yelled, motioning towards them. “I’m your son! Your kid! She’s not! Why do you have more loyalty to her on this than me?” He took deep breaths, feeling their gaze on him as he started to breathe faster. “Why didn’t you even try and fight for me to know? Why did you j-just agree to hide him from me?”

Chantal stepped towards him, grabbing onto his hands. “Matthew,”

“No,” he stepped back again, taking his hands out of hers. “Whatever bullshit excuse you have I-I don’t want to hear it.”

“Don’t talk to your mother that way,” his Dad said, pointing at him before letting his hand fall back to his side, sighing. “Now let’s all just...go to bed and we can talk about this in the morning.”

Matt kept trying to take deep calm breaths, not wanting to break down in front of his entire family with their eyes focused on him. He turned back towards the door and put his shoes back on before walking to the kitchen where he left his wallet.

“What are you doing?” Taryn asked as he walked right by them all and over to the front door, opening it.

He turned around and looked at them, shaking his head. “I’m staying at a hotel tonight. I can’t…” he shook his head, ducking it down. “I can’t be here.”

And then he walked out the front door, closing it behind him and walking down the street and through the neighborhood before stopping at the same park. He sat down on the bench, brought his phone out of his pocket, and ordered himself an Uber. Once he ordered it, he sat back and looked out towards the playground, crossing his arms.

At this point, he didn’t even know just who he was mad at anymore. Himself for being so naively stupid and taking Caroline’s word back then? Caroline for lying to him? The Marsh’s for hiding it even after all the times he’s seen them when he came home for the summers? His family for doing the exact same thing? Hell, could he even be mad at God or the Universe for letting it all play out like this? He had so many feelings he couldn’t process them, he couldn’t even begin to pinpoint one single thought to focus on.

He felt trapped. He felt useless. He felt lost and he was even grieving the loss of years he hadn’t get to have with Ethan. It was all too much, too fast, and too soon.

So when the Uber pulled up and he got inside, he could only really focus on the one urge that was tempting him the most…he wanted to leave, but he couldn’t. Because even while all of those feelings left him feeling trapped and confused and just wanting to escape, he had one hell of a big reason to stay...or maybe even two.

Ethan and Caroline.

taglist [if striked through, it won’t let me tag you 🥺] :

@hockeybabe87 @nolanscheeks @hey-there9-its-me @besthockeyfics​ @hockeyshmockey @sidscrosbyy @hockeystop @hannabritta @robschwartzman @ipuckwithwriting @tkachuk-yeah @luvsherleafs @heyheyheyhayes @oilers2997 @cutiesara23 @glassdanse @annedub @notaccurateornice @art-m-anic @corrinereads @reavenedges-lies @lwstuff​ @whatishockey​ @mydarkestsecretlol​ @dorotheathe1 @barzyspov​ @dutch-tv-fan​ @dude-44 @wastedheartcth​ @sorryjustafangirl @turnoutthecitylights​ @teenagekook​ @precioustk​ @lorrmorr​ @linkingdolans​ @starswin​ @himbos-on-ice​ @shawnsreputation @heatherawoowoo​ @usmileismile @hockey-and-wine​ @brehonodea​ @ggggmoneyyyy​ @majdoline​ @hiimjaredim19 @aesterins @adelaidestreets​ @idkalexaaw​ @u-4-ia​ @jennielynnie @miss-cap21 @itrocksmysocks @spencereidbasis @b34ut1fulb4st4rds​ 

[spiderlilyserendipity]

omg violet you write so well!! if you can, could you write a taehyung nsfw of while on vacation, tae's girlfriend wakes him up early with kisses and promises to do "whatever he wants" if he gets up with her and explores the city and tae holds her to that promise when they get back to their hotel starting with some steamy (private) hot tub sex?

Anon, you are awesome but you have ruined my brain. I got so carried away writing this fic, it is double the size I thought it would be. Many thoughts, head full typa situation. Thank you. This one is titled Only One. Enjoy <3

WC: 4475

Genres: Smut, fluff, angst

Tags: established relationship, anniversary dinners, tae x oc take a trip to Paris

Warnings: dom/sub relationship, dom!taehyung, sub!reader, sir kink, punishment, praise kink, use of the word slut once, colour system as a safeword, insecurity, possessiveness, possessive sex, aftercare, taehyung is very 🥵🥵🥵 in this one y’all

(*Cis female reader*)

“Y/N, Y/N, should we take a picture over there?” Taehyung asks, batting his eyes cutely.

You smile but roll your eyes at Taehyung’s enthusiasm.

Not to be mistaken, if there’s anyone who loves their boyfriend, it’s you. You would live and die for Kim Taehyung, but there’s a special reason for your eyeroll today.

It has been only two weeks since Taehyung got off tour, and at that a world tour. You know Taehyung must be very tired from constantly travelling, hence why you let your boyfriend get his full rest the first week. But the thing is you haven’t seen your lover in a year, and you want to make some memories with him. 

You know he will get too busy once the post-tour lull passes over everyone at the company and everything goes back to regular schedule. Then, Taehyung will get sucked away by album preparations, promotions once it’s out, and inevitably: another tour.

You love that Taehyung gets to do what he loves for a living. You also love how cool he looks on stage. But most of all you like getting to spend time with him. 

To be honest, you were going to go see Taehyung in Paris during the European leg of the tour. It had been your anniversary, and the two of you had plans to get dinner together and enjoy the city. But then life happened and your plans came crashing down, preventing you from seeing Taehyung until the tour ended months later.

But past you had thought quickly, knowing the day Taehyung would return home and shifted your ticket instead of cancelling. So a week after Taehyung got home, you presented him with a second plane ticket to Paris, France that you bought last minute just for him.

You thought Taehyung would agree with making up for your missed anniversary, but Taehyung had frowned instead. “Babe, I seriously don’t want to go anywhere for a while. I’m sick of hotels and planes.”

“But I’ve never been there, baby. It would be so romantic!” You convinced him eventually, your pout winning him over. Taehyung had sighed, then called his manager to let him know.

So excited from Taehyung agreeing, you had leapt up into his arms and kissed him like crazy. “Ahhh! I’m so excited!”

Taehyung had held back a grin. “Okay. But no touristy stuff.”

You pout. “But that’s the most fun part!” When Taehyung pouts back, you try to convince him again. “Baby, I promise I’ll seriously do anything you say if you do all the embarrassing touristy stuff with me.”

“Anything?” Taehyung asked you, arching a brow. 

You took his hand, nodding eagerly. “Anything. Let’s just have fun!”

Taehyung grinned at you. “You better keep your word.”

You had kissed him, grinning at him. He watched you with a fond smile, tucking a strand of hair behind your ear. “You bet I will.” You vow.

It isn’t until you actually land in Paris that you realize what anything Taehyung is imagining.

For all his great qualities, Taehyung is not subtle about what he wants. Especially when he wants you.

The first three days, Taehyung lets you drag him around under the condition that you both wear disguises to avoid being noticed. You comply, picking odd hours of the day for activities that would be very busy at other times of day. You hit all the touristy spots in early mornings before the crowd, hide away in small tucked away cafes and restaurants with Taehyung during lunch hour, then spend the day browsing vintage stores for jewellery and clothes. 

It’s all fun and games except for the teasing that Taehyung will not stop. It’s hard for you to name a time of day where Taehyung’s big hands hadn’t been resting on your waist or his lips idly pressing a kiss to your cheek in passing. You know very well the game Taehyung is playing. He is slowly working you up, getting you used to his constant touches. Then, he will withdraw them, leaving you needy. 

Despite Taehyung’s teasing, the two of you still have a great time. You buy souvenirs for your friends and things for yourself. Taehyung also buys you clothes and jewellery, loving to spoil you. But what you love the most are the small establishments he brings you to, full of tasty food and where no one knows his name. You know the game Taehyung is playing, but you let him guide you to an isolated table towards the back and feed you food off his own utensils. You let him wipe the corner of your mouth for some smeared sauce, let him lick it off his thumb. Sometimes, you even get a little on your face on purpose. Taehyung notices when you do that, and lets you get away with it. After all, this isn’t a favour he’s doing you. This is your anniversary trip. He can’t be the only one getting away with teasing.

The following three days, the two of you hit the museums. Taehyung shows you around, explaining things he had seen on previous trips to Paris. You listen to him, happier to see him happy than to really look at the art. You take pictures of your boyfriend inside the museum and really anywhere it won’t catch too much attention.

Over those three days, Taehyung’s touches decrease. He reduces it little by little, but you know him well by now. Taehyung isn’t trying to be subtle, rather the opposite. He wants you to notice, to get riled up when his touch is gone. 

You tell yourself you don’t mind it, but both of you know it’s a lie. You ignore the smirk on Taehyung’s face every time you intertwine your hands or wrap an arm around his waist to guide him through the back roads. You will get back at him at dinner tonight.

After lunch on the final day, you tell Taehyung to head back to the hotel on his own. You say you are going to buy a new dress for your dinner date tonight, and that you want it to be a surprise for him. Chuckling, Taehyung just passes you his blackcard and tells you to have fun.

You buy a dark green coloured gown, Taehyung’s favourite colour, and a matching necklace and earrings set of emeralds. You smile at the sight of your ass being cupped by the silky material. This is sure to drive Taehyung mad. After all, tonight is the final night. Both of you know exactly how tonight will end.

You catch a cab to the five star Taehyung made a reservation at. You pay the taxi driver excitedly, getting out in your all new outfit, new heels, and even a new purse! You were sure to impress Taehyung.

You walk into the restaurant, telling the waiter who you’re here with. He lets you in, guiding you upstairs to your table.

You frown as you see your table. From this angle, you can’t see who, but Taehyung is talking to a woman. You approach quietly, catching neither of their attention. Luckily (or unluckily) for you, they’re talking loudly. You don’t speak much French but you don’t need it to deal with this woman. You hear her mention the word “model” and a woman’s clothing brand. You hear her repeat “model” a second time as she blatantly roams her eyes down Taehyung’s figure, then up at him. That’s the part that makes your blood boil. You know she is aware of your presence. It doesn’t take a genius to figure out what kind of relationship you and Taehyung have.

But she still challenges you anyway, openly eyeing your man in public. If you could speak more French than basic small talk you would rip her a new one. 

Fuck it. You think, making your way across the room. Who needs to know the language?

“Oh, baby.” You say in a sweet voice. They both look over at you. The woman looks visibly irritated, pursing her perfect lips in annoyance. What a shame you like to flirt with other women’s men. You think, slightly in awe at her beauty. I’d like you in any other situation. “Is this a friend?” You ask.

You see a hint of a smile before Taehyung bites it back. “No, Y/N. We just met tonight.”

You smile pointedly at the woman. She frowns at you. “Ah, I see. Well, it was nice meeting you. We haven’t had dinner yet, so.” You say, pretending to be apologetic for cutting the conversation short. All three of you know you’re not, but it’s the thought that counts. Or doesn’t. You couldn’t care less.

“Colour.” Taehyung asks the minute you’re back in the hotel room. 

“Green.” 

“Poor baby. Got so angry that I took my eyes off you, huh?” Taehyung teases, hooking his fingers in the band of your underwear. He pulls back, making it snap against your hips. You whimper. “What’s that? Are you trying to say something?” Taehyung taunts you.

He cranes his head to look at you. He cups your face and makes you look at him. He makes a fake-worried face. “That’s odd, you were talking perfectly fine a few hours ago. Was it something in the food that’s making you feel sick or are you just embarrassed from being a possessive little slut in front of sir?”

His words make you shiver. He grins as he feels it against his own abdomen. “It seems like you’re really sick, Y/N. I guess we'll just have to go to bed.”

He begins to unwind his arms from around your waist, but you grab them, holding them against your skin. “S-Sir.” You whisper.

“There’s my girl.” Taehyung says proudly, rewarding you with a kiss to your temple. “Let’s talk about what you did wrong tonight, shall we?”

“I-I was possessive. I got jealous because you were talking to that model.”

Taehyung’s eyes flicker at the last word. “Oh, you heard?” He snaps the band of underwear against your skin again. You wriggle, but he refuses to let you go. “What a bad girl. Eavesdropping on sir’s conversations. What if she had been a potential colleague and you ruined everything? But you didn’t think of any of that, only your. own. feelings.” He emphasizes each of the three words with another smack. “You’re just an ungrateful little slut, aren’t you? I bet you would open your legs for any man that offered you this kind of treatment, huh?” He growls in your ear.

“I-I’m sorry.” You whisper, voice cracking.

Taehyung stops. “Colour.” He says, thumbs gently stroking at your sides.

“Green.” 

“Y/N.” He repeats more firmly. You sniffle. A tear rolls down your cheek. Taehyung thumbs it away immediately. “We don’t have to. I’m sorry. Do you want to take a bath together? We can cuddle after. Anything you’re comfortable with baby.”

You shake your head, looking away from him. “I’m really okay. I...I want my punishment.”

Taehyung turns you to look at him. He watches your face, looking for any unwillingness. He cups your face and makes you look at him. He smiles finally when he sees the familiar, hazy look in your eyes. You are already slipping into subspace.

“Follow me.” Taehyung says.

You walk behind him, still naked except for your panties. Taehyung is still entirely clothed in his suit and tie. He leads you to the fancy living room of the suite, and closes the curtains. You wait until he sits down to approach him. You observe his spread legs and the stern look in his eye. The air in the living room is freezing cold, but it only adds to it. This is one of the many things you love about Taehyung. How incredibly sexy he looks when he is in control.

Without being asked, you get on the sofa on your hands and knees. You drape your body over Taehyung’s lap, ass up in his lap. You fold your arms over the sofa’s armrest, turning your head to look at Taehyung. 

Taehyung’s warm hand caresses your ass. He kneads at the flesh roughly without breaking eye contact with you. On the outside, he looks indifferent, dark eyes sultry. He makes it look like he couldn't care less if it was you or another sub being bent to his will. But you know it’s part of the scene, that he’s watching you this intensely for your reaction and it is only your reaction he ever wants in a setting like this.

“You can safeword out if you need to.” He reminds you. You nod, putting your head against the armrest. “Count.” He tells you, before the first smack comes down.

You flinch on instinct, but his arm pins the backs of your thighs down. “One.”

Another smack but to the other cheek. You hiss under your breath. “Two.”

Taehyung gives the next three in succession. “F-Five.”

“Colour?” Taehyung re-checks. You reply green again. He delivers two more. “Six, ah, seven.”

The next two smacks are harsher. “Eight, nine一!” As you’re counting, Taehyung gives the final one. This one is the hardest of all, making the two of you sink a little lower into the sofa. “T-Ten.”

You are crying now, falling deeper into your subspace. Taehyung’s warm hands smooth over the places they hit. His voice murmurs sweet nothings in your ear, reassuring you.

“S-Sorry.” You continue to cry. “I didn’t mean to be like that.”

“I know.” Taehyung reassures you. He helps you up into a sitting position. It burns to sit on your still painful ass, but you do so anyway because it’s Taehyung who asks you to do it. “You took my punishment very well, Y/N, just like a good girl.”

You shake your head, sniffling. “I don’t wanna be ‘a good girl’, I wanna be your good girl.” You say. Taehyung frowns slightly as he wonders what that means, then looks shocked when he realizes what you’re saying.

“You are my good girl, baby.” He says softly, wiping away your tears. “No one but you.”

“But i-it was our a-anniversary dinner and you were letting her flirt with you. You just一just let her do it. And when I called you baby at the restaurant, you only called me Y/N.” You confess, giving up your fake confident act. The truth is that despite your anger in the moment, you had felt very insecure. It wasn’t like you could blame the woman for finding your boyfriend hot, anyone would. But the fact that Taehyung never said anything back and just put up with it instead of correcting her bothered you. Was it embarrassing to admit he was dating you in front of a woman who was so obviously his equal in elegance? This thought bothered you throughout the whole dinner. 

You didn’t plan on telling Taehyung about it, since he didn’t know you sometimes felt this way. One of the reasons you insisted on travelling to make up for your missed anniversary was this doubt. Maybe if you showed him around this fancy city and you made good memories with him, he might appreciate it. Maybe then it would ease your doubt of if you were worthy enough to be his.

You had never admitted this aloud to anyone, but you actually wondered If Taehyung had women in other countries that he went on dates with during tour. You know Taehyung is a good person but after all, he is a young man with sexual needs. And at that, a very attractive man who could get with just about any woman he wanted. So yes, seeing him talk to the very attractive woman had angered you, but it also made you feel like your worst fears might be true. 

“Y/N, talk to me, baby.” Taehyung pleads you, his worried brown eyes searching your face for any answers.

“...Can I ask you a question?” 

“Of course, my love.” Taehyung responds. “Ask me anything you want, baby.’

You sniffle. You play with his suit blazer. “Can you promise to not get mad at me?”

Taehyung looks like he might cry when you ask that. “I promise.”

“When you go away for tour...is there anyone else?” You watch your own tears fall onto Taehyung’s dress shirt. Taehyung looks shaken. “It might seem random but I’ve always wondered. I promise I’m not just acting up because of tonight.”

Taehyung continues to watch you, looking worried and at a loss for words. You put on a fake smile. “Sorry, it’s probably nothing. Let’s just go to bed.” 

Taehyung holds you by the waist, stopping you from getting up. “Y/N.”

“I said it’s fine. It’s okay. Really, even if you had another woman. I can’t control what you do when you’re not with me. A year is too long for a couple to spend apart anyway, it’s only natural that your feelings would change. It’s okay. Anyway,” You breathe shakily. “Anyway I’m still yours. As long as you like, of course.”

“Of course I like it.” Taehyung insists, tears glistening in his eyes. “I love you. Tell me how long you’ve felt like this.”

You hesitate. “Y/N.” There it is again, that firm tone that you hate outside of scenes. 

You look down at your hands. “Maybe two years?”

Taehyung is crying now, and he cups your face in his hands. “You’ve been thinking like this for two years? Why didn’t you tell me?”

“...I didn’t want to burden you. You’re really busy on tour.”

Taehyung purses his lips. “Can I show you there’s no one else?”

You nod. Taehyung lifts you up, and you wrap your legs around his waist. He holds you by the backs of your thighs instead of your ass, careful not to hurt you. “The bed?” He asks. You consider the feeling of the rough sheets against your sore ass. 

You shake your head. “C-Can we use the hot tub?”

Taehyung kisses your forehead. “Anything for you.”

Taehyung sets up the hot tub for both of you. He takes your panties off for you, sliding them down your legs. He kisses you deeply, sweetly. You whimper into the kiss, his tongue completely in control of your mouth. When you part, a strand of saliva comes loose. When you part far enough, the saliva ends up on your chin. Taehyung wipes it with his thumb. A darkness has entered his eyes again. “Get in. Let me show you how much I love you.”

You get in the hot tub, relishing the feeling of the hot water. It stings a bit, but it’s easier to sit then the bed would have been. You sit with your legs spread slightly, calves tucked under you and feet beneath your ass. Neat and pretty. Just the way sir likes it.

Taehyung strips quickly once you’re in the water. Your eyes roam over his beautiful body, at the hard muscle of his chest, his bulging biceps, his caramel thighs, and his rigid cock. “Come here.” Taehyung orders as he gets in the water. You do so, climbing up into his lap. He kisses you hungrily, like this is the first time all night. You are surprised at the intensity of this kiss. You cannot recall a time Taehyung has ever kissed you so passionately in your years together, even in your roughest scenes. 

“So pretty.” Taehyung growls when you two part again. He wraps one arm around your waist to press your chest against his, then attacks your neck. You gasp as he makes love bites, all the way down your neck. He has never made this many before in total, yet he makes them everywhere tonight. He litters your collarbone and the top of your chest with them, making them bloom red at first but you know they will be a deep purple shade tomorrow. “How can you not know what you mean to me, when you’re this fucking beautiful? You drove me crazy in your dress tonight, no, you drive me crazy every fucking time I see you. Maybe even since the first time I met you.”

“S-Sir.” You moan at the praise, face heating up. Taehyung pushes you back against the wall of the hot tub. You tilt your head back against the tiles as he touches you everywhere. He uses his hands to tease at your nipples, making them harden. Even as he does it, he is grinding down on you. You can feel yourself getting wetter by the second. 

“You fucking know I am.” Taehyung snaps, losing the careful composure he wears during scenes. “You’re my one and my only. Look at yourself, so fucking lewd, all worked up by my touch. You have me wrapped around your finger and you still think I’d have another woman.” He continues, cursing in between his sentences at your sweet sounds.

“S-Sorry.”

“Don’t ever be sorry.” Taehyung cuts you off. You let out moans as he starts rubbing at your clit, hard and fast. You grind against his hand. In his dom persona, Taehyung would never tolerate you doing this, but both of you are too far gone tonight to follow the rules to a T. “I will clear this misunderstanding tonight. On your knees, princess.” 

You lean on top of the towel Taehyung placed for you on the tiles. Taehyung places his own knees outside of yours, and you feel his hard cock against your ass. Taehyung eases two fingers into you, wet from your arousal that it’s an easy fit. “Nnn, sir.” You plead, grinding down on him. 

“You won’t get more until you say what I want to hear.” Taehyung says next to your ear. He presses his chest into your back, pinning you to the edge of the hot tub. “Who do you belong to?”

“Sir! I belong to sir!” You cry out, and Taehyung picks up the pace.

“So fucking pretty.” Taehyung praises, kissing the marks he left on your neck. “Only you get treated like this, understand? No woman could ever be loved like this by me. Every time you forget I will bend you over my lap and make you come on my cock over and over until you get it in your head.”

You let out a particularly loud moan at that, making Taehyung smirk. “Does my princess like that, hmm? You want to get bent over and take my cock all the time? Want me to fill you up with my come, plug you with a pretty little toy, and make you go about your day?” Taehyung inserts another finger and the stretch has you whining. “Answer me.” He demands.

“I do. Ah, fuck, Taehyung. Please. I do.” You plead, tilting your head to the side. Taehyung meets you immediately in a passionate kiss. It’s all tongue and teeth, completely different from Taehyung’s usual style. Is this really what he can do when he lets go? You wonder, getting drunk on his kisses alone. You thought Taehyung had been rough before, but it’s nothing compared to tonight.

“Turn around.” Taehyung says, withdrawing his fingers. 

He takes in your needy expression, leaning in to kiss you again like he can’t get enough of you. “Can I come in you, baby? Have you been taking your pill regularly?” 

“Yes. Yes.” You chant. Taehyung laughs breathlessly, grabbing a fistful of your hip in one hand and lining himself up to your entrance.

When he enters, both of you moan. “So good. Whose are you, princess?”

“Yours, only yours.” You answer breathlessly. Taehyung grips your thighs and lifts you slightly, allowing him to enter you more deeply. 

Taehyung abruptly picks up the pace of his thrusts. You grip at his shoulders for support, unable to stop the noises that fall from your lips constantly. Not only is Taehyung going fast, he is also going incredibly deep, rubbing right over your G-spot. 

“C-Can I come, sir?” You beg.

Taehyung nods, and you move one hand between your legs to rub at your clit. As you tip your head back, Taehyung holds himself deep inside you. Both of you come at the same time, you clench hard around him and Taehyung pumps his seed inside you. He kisses at the marks on your neck as he comes, and you dig your nails into his back. 

You move your hand to his hair once you finish, stroking it gently. Taehyung pulls back from the wall, his hand smoothing down your back to ease any discomfort you felt being pressed against it. You don’t even notice until the postcoital bliss dies down that your ass was now more sore than before. But Taehyung does. 

“Let’s take a shower.” He tells you, helping you up. You both get out of the hot tub. Taehyung runs a small handcloth under the tap. He comes over and wipes your vagina down first, then cleaning himself. 

The two of you get in the shower together. You let Taehyung wash your body down, scrubbing gently and avoiding touching your ass. You grab his shampoo off the ledge and put a good amount in your palms. “What are you doing?” Taehyung asks, surprised that you turned around while he was washing your back.

“Taking care of you.” You mumble, washing Taehyung hair for him. You grab the detachable showerhead from the side. You shield his eyes with a hand as you rinse the soap out.

Taehyung smiles fondly at how concentrated you look. “Baby, a dom is supposed to look after their sub following a scene. Not the other way.”

You shrug. You probably heard that somewhere. Your brain is too foggy right now to think. “But I want to.”

“Oh yeah?” 

“Yes.” You answer, smiling at how nice Taehyung’s hair looks now that it’s clean. “Because I belong to you.”

Taehyung lightly pecks your forehead. “And I’m yours.”

Later, when the haze of your subspace wears off, you two are laying in bed together. You’re wearing one of Taehyung’s shirts and a pair of panties. Taehyung is shirtless and in a pair of boxers. Taehyung has just finished putting lotion on your sore bottom to ease the ache for tomorrow. 

You lay on top of Taehyung’s chest, and Taehyung tucks the blankets tucked in around you. You snuggle up against his chest, content in his strong arms.

“Y/N, I know I already proved my point, but you really are my only one.” Taehyung tells you. You don’t reply so he cranes his head to look at you. Taehyung smiles fondly to notice you’re already asleep. He kisses the top of your head. “No problem. I guess I have the rest of my life to prove it to you.” He mutters to himself.

You smile to yourself with your eyes closed.

Requests are open (✿◡‿◡)

[beyondspaceandstars]

While You Sleep

Chapter 15

Relationship: Bucky Barnes x Reader Warnings: mentions of panic attack, mentions of violence Summary: Soulmate!AU - Throughout life, you’re given glimpses of your soulmate through dreams. As you sleep, memories flash in your mind showing you the life your soulmate has lived. Everyone around you raves about how their soulmate reads great books or volunteers in their spare time. But you can’t relate as your dreams end up being more like nightmares. Through initial images of death and violence, you come to learn your soulmate is the Winter Soldier.

Masterlist | Series Masterlist

“Would you like to explain to me why you’re here?”

“I think you already know why I’m here.”

Your therapist eyed you annoyingly at the bitter response. After your little episode during sex, Bucky had finally put his foot down. He realized you clearly weren’t getting anywhere on your own and he wasn’t the most equipped to give you the care you needed, so he set up a therapy appointment for you. 

The therapist was under the same practice as Bucky’s own but he made it very clear you two couldn’t see the same doctor. You’d never admit it, but you were thankful for that. You couldn’t imagine sitting across from the woman who Bucky also dumped his trauma onto. 

So, that was how, after some intense back and forth with Bucky, you ended up in front of a therapist you couldn’t remember the name of. It was pathetic, really, but in your defiance, you hadn’t learned her name. As if that somehow kept you disconnected from the whole process. At best, you knew her name started with a G and that’s all you were going to go off of.

“Sure,” Dr. G shrugged and glanced at your file. “I know what happened to you but why are you here? What made you want to see someone?”

You sighed. “It was just time.”

“Why?”

You slammed your hand on the side of the couch in frustration. It had been this weird back and forth for the last ten minutes. Honestly, you were hoping you could just drain the time but this doctor wasn’t giving either of you the luxury.

“What would you like me to say, huh?” You spat out, a new kind of anger springing within you. The dam wall had broken. “Do you want to hear about how for almost my entire life I haven’t been able to escape the nightmares of my soulmate? Or about how I get one little moment of peace with him and then it all goes to absolute shit? Because that’s just how the cookie fucking crumbles, isn’t it?” You bit your lip, holding back from the sob rising in your burning throat. But you certainly weren’t done. You forced on, “Maybe you’d like to listen to me ramble on about how my own goddamn apartment feels like a prison. Or how I can’t even have sex with my soulmate because everything, every little fucking thing, reminds me of that night. And it’s not just enough to remember it, I guess. Huge shoutout to whatever kind of soulmate bond this is.” You paused. “I was barely gone for two days and somehow it hurt me, it damaged me. But, really, it shouldn’t have, right? It was nothing compared to-,” Him. His experiences. Your words got stuck as you gasped, letting the sadness roll over you. The tears were flowing freely now. 

You just didn’t understand. You didn’t understand your reaction to any of this. You were barely touched, never even experimented on yet you couldn’t seem to actually escape it. You were flinching at touches. Backing out of sex. Not to mention the images of Bucky. Real images, no longer just dreams, but almost like your memories came into play. You were forced to be stuck in a tragic playback of that time. Over and over, every night, and you were to move on? Yet how does all of this come about from being gone for a few hours? You felt there was maybe more to this all and anxiety gnawed at you about it.

Your therapist sighed and placed your file on her side table. She leaned forward, hands clasped together. “Trauma is trauma, no matter how small or insignificant your brain thinks it is.” She passed you a tissue which you accepted.

You dabbed your eyes. “It’s just not fair,” you mumbled. “I finally found him and now I fear I’m ruining it.”

“You aren’t ruining it,” the therapist insisted. “You went through something catastrophic and your mind is reacting. It’s beyond justified. Don’t you think he, out of everyone else in this world, understands that?”

You gave a pathetic shrug knowing she’s completely correct. But that wasn’t how this was supposed to work. You should’ve been his rock, right? 

“Well,” Dr. G sighed as she leaned back in her seat, “I think he understands and you have no reason to beat yourself up over it. You aren’t responsible for any of it. You’re just responsible for recovering and, sorry to say, that isn’t exactly done overnight.”

You scoffed. “Well, where does it begin?”

“Talking,” she said. “Brainstorming. Shooting the shit. Whatever you want to call it, just find a way to let it out of here.” Dr. G motioned towards her heart. You felt your own pounding.

***

Bucky was right where you had left him sitting in one of the chairs in the corner of the waiting room. He didn’t notice you at first as he was engrossed in some technology magazine. You couldn’t help but notice how interested yet relaxed he was. He really did have a bit of a nerdy side to him. 

“What’s so fascinating?” You asked, taking a seat next to him. He jumped a little at your sudden appearance. You held back a chuckle, finding it quite amusing you could surprise the ex-assassin.

Bucky looked back at the magazine and shrugged. “Some new tiny cameras this company in Europe developed. Smaller than your pinky yet has the quality of a full-fledged camera, or so they claim.”

You smiled at his light skepticism. For a man that was easily wowed by the world he sure was hesitant to indulge in it - hence the flip phone he still kept insisted on. 

With a sigh, Bucky closed the magazine and placed it back on the table. He looked towards you again and asked, “How did it go?”

Truthfully, you didn’t want to talk about it, but that also sort of beat the purpose of getting guidance from a therapist. She emphasized that communication was a major key - for both of you. You didn’t want to dismiss that advice right away but you also didn’t exactly want to make your soulmate more concerned than he already was. He had insisted on coming with you to this appointment despite being confined to the waiting room. Bucky didn’t mind, clearly overshadowed by the worry showcased on his face.

“I have to tell you a few things if you’d like to accompany me back home.”

“Home?” He frowned. “Home as in-,”

You shook your head. “My apartment.”

Wordlessly, Bucky stood and outstretched his hand towards you. You mustered up a smile the best you could, letting him guide you out of the building and onto the city sidewalk. 

For as many concerns as you had running through you, you were finding some new sense of pride walking down the street with Bucky. Your soulmate. You had felt something there beyond it all. 

How many times had you walked these streets simply letting your gaze wander about hoping to just spot him? And then you didn’t even find him in the most conventional way. 

But you had to remind yourself of that hopeful gazing you partook in for many weeks. All you had to go off of was his actions. His violent, albeit unwilling, actions. And yet, in all that, you still wanted to meet him. Wanted to hear his voice and maybe get a peek into what he may be like. You certainly got way more than you had bargained for. And you wanted to keep it. Maybe you had been forgetting that in your worries of ruining it. These worries stemmed from wanting. You just had to remind yourself. 

You two had been lost in your own worlds. You were quite surprised by how quickly you had arrived at your apartment building. Everything outside of it was the same like the world had just stood still. You dropped Bucky’s hand and began fumbling for your keys. He kept a protective arm around your waist, trying to offer some comfort for the daunting task. 

After a shaky moment, you led him inside and up the stairs where your apartment door sat, seemingly untouched. You knew that wasn’t exactly the case. Agents had been in and out of your apartment upon your disappearance, Bucky had explained, but they must’ve been stealthy ones. It looked like every other door. 

And, really, that’s all it was, you told yourself. It’s just a door. It’s a first step, your therapist had claimed, but it was also just a door. You had wrestled with yourself over this concept for a while now and here it was in front of you. 

“You don’t have to do this.” Bucky’s voice broke your concentration. “You’re more than welcome at the compound. No one would blame you if you - you wanted to stay.”

“I know,” you sighed. “Thank you but I don’t want to wallow in it.”

Bucky didn’t say anything more and just nodded his head once in understanding. Taking a deep breath, you unlocked the door and flung it open.

You didn’t know what you were expecting. Part of you was ready to be ambushed by Hydra men. Another part of you thought the place would be a wasteland. But neither of those was the case. It was just...normal. It looked exactly how you remember leaving it in all its worn-down glory. Relief washed over you. 

You walked in as you had a million times before and threw your bag on the couch. You headed straight for the kitchen, pulling a bottle of water out of the fridge. Bucky didn’t comment on anything and just took a seat on your couch, waiting.

Making your back to the couch, you offered Bucky water but he declined. Amazingly, you floated around the apartment with no worries. It felt like you never left while also felt like you were reclaiming. 

You took a seat next to Bucky, keeping some space between your bodies.

“What’s on your mind, doll?” Bucky suddenly asked. You glanced back at him nervously. If he was at all anxious, he sure wasn’t showing it. Damn that assassin mentality.

“That nightmares have come back,” you admitted. The words landed like a million little bombs around the apartment. Bucky leaned back on the couch, his eyes wide with concern. 

“What?” It was all he seemed able to manage to say. 

You shifted on the couch uncomfortably, mentally working up the courage to continue on. “It all started back up after that… that night,” you explained. “I-I was suddenly seeing you fighting those men. I was seeing pretty much into your brain, feeling all that anger and relentless rage.” You paused. “I couldn’t believe it, really. I hadn’t had a single nightmare ever since we got together and now...it’s like a million steps back and I don’t know how to fix it. The doctor suggested talking and that’s what I want, Buck. You can’t turn away. Not right now.”

Bucky wasn’t looking at you anymore, instead taking strong interest in picking at your couch cushion. He seemed quite uncomfortable, which was beyond understandable, but he also had to have heard your pleas. 

“Y-You see all that?” He finally asked, his voice just barely above a whisper. “Just on a playback loop? Despite us being connected, really connected.”

You didn’t know what to do besides nod in confirmation. Bucky let out a deep sigh.

“And this, on top of everything else, hasn’t been helping you to recover, has it?”

You shook your head. Bucky now looked like he wanted to put his fist through your door. Tears welled in his eyes. 

“Of course not,” Bucky mumbled. “I-I thought it was supposed to get better.”

“Me too,” you admitted. “I didn’t tell the therapist this but I… Well, I fear there’s something faulty with this bond.”

The thought had initially popped in your head out of nowhere. One night you were half-awake, already witnessing the shine of Bucky’s arm as his hand contracted around the goon’s throat, when you began trying to think about the good memories. The reader Bucky you got to see. How lovely that was to bring up. How the conversation that followed was refreshing, fun. You wouldn’t be able to bring anything like that up again because you lost them. It took a bit for your theory to prove certain but once it was, you realized, you were stuck. 

But you also hadn’t exactly wanted to act on this theory, figuring this could be handled on your own. Date night proved wrong. 

Bucky eyed you, curiously. “What do you mean?”

“It’s very challenging to recover from something when it’s the only thing you’re reminded of, right? Well, that’s the case, nightly. Despite how serious we are in this relationship, it’s cutting through, even though it seemed like in the beginning…” Your words trailed, a bit unsure. You changed the focus. “The memories and thoughts are still transmitted disturbing reminders. I can talk about it until I’m blue in the face, but I just don’t think that’s all there is to it. The bond isn’t letting me move on regardless of our circumstances. Everything you saw...”

Your soulmate nodded in his attempt to understand where this was going. You even had to admit, it was sounding a bit bizarre. You did think it was just trauma and in many ways, it is. It all comes back to the trauma derived from the situation but to have to relive it through your soulmate’s eyes. To have to see him personally killing someone was just… It was a whole new level of memories. You were personally attached to them. You weren’t just living through it in some fucked up metaphorical way - you actually had lived it. Besides - it shouldn’t be this way.

“You think we need to see someone about it,” Bucky concluded.

Hesitantly, you confirmed his suspicions. “Are there really doctors who study it? I've heard rumors but I’ve never seen someone.” Thinking of it now, you never knew why you didn’t. Probably because those who studied soulmate bonds were truly myths. There wasn’t exactly anything tangible to study. Who was going to waste their time?

Bucky shrugged. “I think I may know someone.”