#her pt 2

[gyuzgrl]

her //kmg// pt.2

pt 2 of 'her'- the morning after reveals much to y/n, and she makes a difficult decision- one that neither her nor Mingyu seem to escape from unscathed.

Dread, shame, confusion.

The morning after a night of love shouldn't leave one feeling this way, yet here you are, lying paralysed in bed, next to a man you can't seem to figure out.

Why did he find solace in another's bed? Why was it the same woman every time? Were his words from last night even true?

Questions haunt you, floating around inside your head like ghosts in an empty castle. When one fades, another takes it's place, poking holes in your rationality, mocking you for what you've done.

How could you give in so easily? After everything he's done, after the betrayal- how could you let him in? Vulnerable and exposed, you let him see you, hear you, touch you?

Embarrassment doesn't even begin to cover what you feel.

Your skin feels sticky and each spot he touched burns into you, like red-hot metal, sizzling tender flesh. The kisses, the grip marks, every point of contact feels wrong. Of course, last night was consensual- two grown adults made a decision to spend a night together- but you can't shake that sickly feeling taking over you; a thick, dark oil, staining your skin as you sink further and further into despair.

Turning over, you let your eyes scan over Mingyu's face- sleeping peacefully, unaware of the havoc he's caused in your mind. The gentle sighs of breath, the way his lashes tickle his skin, how his lips settle into the prettiest pout- it isn't fair. None of it is.

He doesn't get to sleep like this while your mind races at a thousand miles per second. He doesn't get to live ignorantly like this.

You won't let it happen.

You won't swallow your pride and pretend like everything's okay.

Slipping out from under the covers, you head straight for a shower. Silky, warm water embraces you, washing away the stains of yesterday, only for them to resurface and solidify the past. No matter how hard you scrub, no matter how desperately you scratch, the marks remain as they are- seething red reminders of how small you made yourself for Mingyu's affections.

Before you know it, tears begin to flow- tears of shame, of humiliation. All it took was for him to say he returned your feelings, and you forgave everything. You let him touch you mere hours after he'd laid his hands on another woman- god what has happened to you?

You step into your robe, the pearly white colour of the fabric mocking you as if to say- "you're the shell of who you once were."

Time passes as it usually does, and you find yourself at the breakfast table, staring into the distance. Your mind has finally settled to a conclusion.

This must end.

As you sit, unmoving, Mingyu begins to stir from his sleep. An arm extends itself out of habit, feeling for your body beside him, and he jolts awake when his skin comes in contact with cold, lifeless cloth.

Panic fills his nerves in the flash of a second and he scrambles out of bed, stumbling over to the hall. Clumsy, frantic feet thud along the ground and he calls out your name, voice hoarse as if holding back a sob.

"I'm here," you state, eyes still fixed at the wall.

Mingyu feels his muscles slump back into relaxation. You're still here. You didn't leave.

"I uh, I thought... Never mind, have you eaten?" he grins, eyes sparkling as he gazes at you lovingly, "I'll fix something up for us- what do you feel like eating? something soup-y? pancakes? eggs? I make really good eggs-"

"last night was a mistake."

His voice fades to a deathly still. The luster in his eyes dulls to a cold brown and he slumps down onto the chair opposite yours.

"oh." he says softly.

"I've had some time to think..."

"and?"

"I don't think we should live together. Or be together. No matter what your reasons were, Mingyu, the fact remains the same- you cheated on me. Nothing will change that, nothing will make that go away."

Mingyu leans forward, tears springing in the corners of his eyes. "I'm sorry, y/n- I wish I could c-"

"I know you're sorry. Trust me, I know, Mingyu- but you've done this to yourself. You've been aware of every decision as you made it, you did what you did, knowing fully well that it was wrong. There's no forgiving that. Whatever our feelings are, it doesn't matter anymore."

His head hangs low as your words tear into him. You're right, after all. He did in fact cheat on you. It was his decision, his choice. It's unfair for you to suffer because of his mistakes.

"I'll come back for my things sometime this week." you sigh, moving from your seat, taking hold of your handbag, "Goodbye, Mingyu."

A few days have passed, and you've settled into an expensive hotel, gathering yourself together as other things call for your attention.

Formalities make divorces so much harder than they need to be...

While you sort through legal matters with your family lawyer, Mingyu finds himself falling into a dangerously dark hole. You've been gone all of three days and he's lost himself completely. He hasn't slept, hasn't gone outside, hasn't eaten- it's as if he's lost his will to live.

Your words haunt him, echoing in his head over and over. Desperately, he's tried to silence his thoughts, tried to chase away your voice, but he can't. What makes it all so much worse, is that he knows you're right.

This is all his fault, after all. He really has done this to himself, and he's hurt you too in the bargain.

It's late in the evening, the sky outside flushes dark grey clouds along, as a faint outline of the moon peeks through. Winds howl terribly all around, hinting at the storm that is to come.

The doorbell rings, echoing through the empty house, startling Mingyu out of his daze. Sloppily, he treads to the door, cracking it open to reveal an unfamiliar face.

"can I help you-?" he mutters, eyes skimming lazily over the suited man before him.

"Mister Kim Mingyu? I'm Miss Y/n's lawyer. I understand you've separated, yes?"

Just when he thought he couldn't sink lower than he already has, Mingyu feels his stomach drop as he descends into anguish.

He's smart enough to gauge what's happening. You're legitimizing the divorce- making it real in the eyes of the law.

"sir?"

A voice pulls him back to reality, and he lifts his head up, nodding as he motions for the man to come inside. Dull, confused footsteps lead into the living area and Mingyu takes a seat on the couch, beckoning your lawyer to do the same.

"There are papers you are required to sign, sir." he begins, reaching into his bag to pull out a stack of crisp white sheets, stapled perfectly.

Mingyu stares dumbly at the paper, back hunched, throat dry. He's frozen. There's not a thought in his head, not a sensation in his body.

A minute passes in silence, and he stays unmoved.

The man clears his throat, clicking his pen open before handing it to Mingyu.

"here, you can use mine," he forces an encouraging smile, feeling his heart break at Mingyu's disheveled state. Although he's been made aware of your situation, Mingyu's helpless state tugs at his heartstrings and he can't help but feel sympathetic towards the latter.

"th-thank you,"

With shaky hands, Mingyu takes hold of the pen, stopping at the blank spot resigned for his signature. An indescribable pressure weighs him down. His future, his love, his sanity all sit under the blade of this guillotine- a mere pen.

This pen might just be mightier than any sword he'll ever face.

Sensing his reluctance, the suited man places a hand on his shoulder-

"Forgive me for speaking out of turn, I know we don't know each other- but I've, uh, I've seen this before. I've handled cases like this before and all I can say to make this easier is that you're doing this for her. Not for yourself. If you truly feel guilty for the past, if you truly love her, this is the way you give her her pride back. This is how you can do what's good for her."

His words spur Mingyu into action, resonating deep within the latter's being. Letting you go is unbearable. It stings and burns and swells all at once, but if it lets you heal, if it's good for you, he'll do it in a second.

Scribbling his signature onto the bottom of the page, Mingyu hands the papers over.

"thank you," he says, genuinely this time, "is she-" he hesitates, "is she doing okay?"

The man smiles sadly, rising to his feet- "I'm afraid that's a breach of confidentiality, sir"

And just like that, he's gone, leaving Mingyu alone once again. He settles into bed, draping your blanket over himself as his mind floods over with thoughts of you.

"I hope she doesn't think I gave up on us..."

Then, like a soaring wave, it hits him. What if you think he's taking the easy way out and that his feelings aren't real? What if you expected him to throw a fit and come swoop you up from whatever hotel you're hidden away in?

"fuck-" he curses under his breath, digging around the sheets for his phone.

Mingyu types out a messy apology, pawing at his phone with thick fingers.

"I hope you don't think I'm giving up. As much as I wanted to fight for you, as much as I wanted to rip those papers to shreds, I know this is what you deserve- a shot at real love. Love that doesn't hurt you like I did. I love you so much, Y/n, but you're right, this is my mistake. You shouldn't be the one to suffer for it. I'm sorry for it all. Letting you go is the hardest thing I'll do, but it's what I deserve now. I had the world in my hands and I gave it up for nothing."

Your lip quivers as you read his words. There's a sense of defeat in his tone, as if realization has finally hit and he's understood the gravity of his actions.

Despite his acceptance of your decision, you feel a sharp pang of hurt deep inside your chest. You're doing the right thing. You're protecting yourself. You're being strong.

So, why does it hurt this bad?

Unfocused eyes begin to water, dripping salty puddles onto the screen below, and you realize you're crying.

Mingyu's words from that night play in your head, like a devastating melody, planting seeds of doubt where revenge and empowerment were beginning to grow.

You need to snap out of this.

Now.

Surely, one text message shouldn't have you forgetting all the pain he's caused. You simply cannot give in.

"It's late." you tell yourself, hoping that speaking aloud will give you some semblance of authority over your frenzied feelings, "gotta get some rest"

While you drift off to sleep, Mingyu's thoughts hone in on you, just like they have all these nights. Lying on your side of the bed, huddled in a swarm of your blanket and clothes, he does his best to pretend like you're still here.

He curses himself for that night, chastises himself for all the nights before. There really is no excuse, no explanation that could make what he did okay- he knows- which is why, he's leaving you alone. No matter how much pain he's in, no matter how many bottles he's downed, Mingyu doesn't let his toils bother you.

No drunk phone calls, no angry visits, not even a text. Not one attempt to try and beg you to change your mind.

Ironically, the respect he extends now, by leaving you alone, makes you feel worse somehow. Guilty, even.

Taking a deep inhale, Mingyu lets your fading scent flood his senses, and instantly, the memories come flooding in- how you kissed him so tenderly, how your skin tasted, how you came alive under his touch.

"fuck," he whispers, voice trembling, "if I knew that night would be the last time I could touch you-"

Oh, he'd worship you.

Mingyu pictures it- clear as day.

He would've held you tight in his arms, pressing his forehead to yours as you share one breath. He would've kissed you so deeply, making sure to commit your taste to memory, pushing further, harder, until his own mortality forced him to pull away.

When your face fell at the sight of her marks, Mingyu would've kissed your eyes and placed your hand on his heart saying- "you hear that? that's all for you, my love- no one else, just you". And if that didn't do the trick, he'd be more than willing to dig those marks out of his skin, no matter how much it hurt, no matter how much it bled.

Most of all, he'd savor you.

As he crawls down your body, he would kiss every inch of your skin, thanking you for letting him. No God could give him this power, no divine force could allow him to touch you- only you had that authority.

And that, makes you greater than any God he's ever prayed to.

Each kiss would be deliberate, slow. He'd close his eyes, brows set in a deep furrow as his lips take you in greedily, like Jesus' first disciple eating at the Eucharist.

Mingyu feels himself grow hard at the thought- being so close to you, kissing you, feeling you. He takes in a shaky breath to compose himself, but in vain.

It has no effect.

No number of breaths, no volume of alcohol, no hours of sleep will ever be enough to push you away.

So, he gives in.

A hand sneaks down under the blanket, beyond the waistband of Mingyu's sweatpants, ghosting over his cock. He hisses as his fingers graze the reddened tip, hips jerking up to chase that feeling.

Letting his thoughts resume, Mingyu works himself in time with his imagination.

His hands explore your skin, soothing their way down to where you need him most. You tremble under his touch, back arching when he puts his mouth to your cunt.

Eagerly, he laps at your slit, taking in your sweet-salt taste- so addictive he's sure this is all he needs now. Not food, not shelter, not money- just you.

You writhe under him, slipping your hands into his hair, tugging at his locks, and his eyes roll back. The sting of his scalp only spurs him on, and his tongue prods your clit in rapid bursts.

"Mingyu-" you choke out, his name like a plea on your lips.

He sucks harder, pushes you further, and dips his tongue inside you, nudging into your pulsating core. It takes you by surprise, and you can't help the cry that escapes you-

"Mingyu!"

As you tighten around him, Mingyu devours you from the inside out, swallowing every last drop you have to offer, coaxing as much as he can from you until you're spent.

"Mingyu," you moan, clutching his hair tighter as you feel your release mere seconds away, "Min-"

"Mingyu"

A sticky white pool of shame sits at the groove of his thumb, collecting in the dip between his fingers.

"shit."

Stupefied by disbelief, Mingyu stays deathly still. It's pathetic, honestly. He's aware of how he must look, aware of how wrong it is to use you for his own pleasure, but he just can't help himself.

He really can't.

[ellieabbyy]

i wanna lick it

[joelscoffeee]

I know I'm mostly unashamedly thirsting for Abby on here, but like lemme be soft for a minute. Can you imagine her lying on your lap after a long day, running your fingers through her hair as she snuggles closer to you. You can feel her hands tightening her grip on your thigh as she looks up to you with those pretty eyes, all lovestruck and sleepy. Her lips would slowly turn into a small smile, and she would whisper, “I love you so so much,” before reaching up and softly kissing you. She would grab the throw blanket that barely covered her and slowly drift off to sleep, leaving you to trace little shapes on her muscular shoulders and wondering how lucky you are to be able to call someone like Abby Anderson yours.

[leejihoonownsmyheart]

"I'd do anything" (M)

Summary:

Desperate to expunge your squeaky clean record you go to Jeonghan and tell him you’ll do anything if he’ll get you drugs

-

Tags: dubcon, bad reputation!Jeonghan, good student!yn, afab yn, anal, bribing, begging, creampie, rough sex, mean!jeonghan, impact!play, safewords made but never used, yn is a virgin, but really just so jeonghan can tease them for it, teasing, virginity is taken very not seriously, multiple orgasms?, fingering, a dash of exhibitionism cause yeah, condescending!jeonghan, this is not realistic okay, *squint* talks of aftercare, drugs are mentioned

But Brie, this isn’t an accurate representation of someone losing their virginity, but brie why is Jeonghan so rough and mean, but brie why can’t you think of any other way to describe someone “getting hot” or “turning red” BECAUSE…. BECAUSE…. SHUT UP OKAY?!

-

You couldn’t help the way that you paced back and forth in front of Jeonghan’s dorm room door, trying to figure out if this was really the move. After all, wasn’t all of this a bit much?

Yes, in elementary school you had preened under the attention of being the good kid. Even in middle school you had enjoyed being what everyone considered to be the teacher’s pet, but when you hit high school… It got old. You were so tired of the way that people would talk to you. The way that they looked down on you because, you actually studied during your free period, and because your teachers trusted you to run errands for them during class.

You weren’t just some good kid who was constantly doing the right thing. You weren’t just interested in studying all the time. You wanted to be invited to parties. You wanted to have friends who you went drinking with.

But your reputation in high school was set. Unwavering. So, you thought you would just wait until college and finally you would be free.

And then college was the same.

You had to do something drastic. You were desperate to get your reputation expunged.

And so that’s why you were here.

“Look at who it is…”

You jumped, your teeth biting into the back of your hand as you screwed your eyes shut, trying to shake the pure fear out of your body at having been caught… Here. By just the person that you were trying to see.

“Ah… Jeonghan!” You said, raising your hand to the back of your neck.

Jeonghan raised an eyebrow at you, a few strands of his long dark hair falling in his face. You swallowed hard under his watchful gaze, turning your eyes away from him. That… Was quite the mistake. Suddenly you found yourself pressed up against Jeonghan’s door, his hand pressed by your hand on the door, his other hand on his doorknob. You swallowed hard at having suddenly been pressed up against the wall. Like you were in a fucking anime.

You didn’t really… Know Jeonghan all that well. You knew about as much as everyone did. Rumored to have mafia connections. Quiet… Mostly kept to himself, staying only around a select few.

You hadn’t ever heard of him actually doing anything that really labeled him as a bad boy, but he had the label none-the-less.

Maybe it came from this: His cocky behavior.

“To what do I owe the pleasure?” Jeonghan asked, a smile flickering across his lips. “Wasn’t expecting our school’s star student coming knocking on the black sheep’s door.”

You swallowed, and you were pretty sure the sound was audible.

“Do you live here?” You asked with a laugh. “I had no clue.”

Jeonghan stared at you. You sucked in another breath.

“I need drugs.”

Jeonghan’s eyebrows shot up in surprise and he pulled back a little. He stared at you for a few seconds, clearly unsure of what to say. Then he pulled all the way back and nudged your shoulder with his.

“Ha.”

You stumbled to the side as Jeonghan opened his dorm room door, and you watched for a few seconds in confusion before realizing that Jeonghan was just going to leave you out in his hallway. You pushed between him and his opening bedroom door.

“I’m serious,” you blurted insistently. “I need drugs.”

“What are you going to do with drugs?” Jeonghan asked you back. “You wouldn’t even know how to use them.”

Frustration strummed through you.

“Yes, I would, you just… Smoke weed or whatever,” you insisted. “And like, you shoot heroin with a needle.”

“You’re asking for heroin?” Jeonghan asked back.

“I’m asking for marijuana!” You blurted back. Even as you spoke Jeonghan was placing the palm of his hand to your mouth. You protested adamantly as he pushed you back into his dorm room. You stumbled upon no longer being pressed against the door and Jeonghan shut his dorm room behind you.

“Marijuana,” Jeonghan said, in a mocking tone. “Is not exactly legal here. It’s not easy to come by. And why do you think that I would be able to get it for you.”

He locked his door with a click.

“Or even want to get it for you.”

“Well…” You trailed off. “I mean…” You had no real reason to think that Jeonghan could get this for you. And you had no bargaining tricks to actually get him to get you the drugs either. Your mind raced as you tried to figure out what you could say. What a good thing to convince him would be.

“I’ll let you fuck me.”

Silence filled the room. Jeonghan’s eyes trailed down your body as you began to burn a deep red. You swallowed hard, wondering what was making you so impulsive. I’ll let you fuck me? What the fuck kind of proposition was that?

His eyes made their way back up your body and he put his hands on his hips, bunching his baggy white shirt up with it. He opened his mouth, surely to reject you.

“Anywhere,” you blurted back instead. “You can fuck me anywhere you want. Men like that right?”

Jeonghan seemed even more thrown off by your words.

“What are you even talking about?”

“Anal.”

Oh my god, you wished you would just shut up.

“You would let me fuck you in the ass?” Jeonghan asked. You couldn’t tell if he was amused or not. You firmly pressed your lips together so that you wouldn’t say anything else stupid. You gave him one curt nod.

Silence fell between you and Jeonghan as he stared you down, but you refused to back down from whatever he was trying to get you to back down from.

Finally, he sighed, looking away from you.

“Why didn’t you just go to Hansol?” He asked you. As he spoke, he guided you over to his bed, pushing you down on it. You watched him with the innocence of… Well, the good kid that everyone always painted you as. You moved your hands to your lap, watching as he walked to the complete opposite end of his dorm. He took a seat on his roommate’s bed, propping his elbows up on his knees. He was… The very definition of man spreading.

You suddenly remembered that he had asked you a question.

“I…” You weren’t really certain of how to answer. Why hadn’t you just gone to Hansol? Everyone on campus knew that Hansol was a stoner and if Hansol was a stoner then he would certainly know where to buy you something.

And Hansol was a really sweet guy. If you were to ask him there would be no question on whether or not he would help you achieve your goal.

“I don’t know Hansol that well,” you finally said. Jeonghan let his head rest on his knuckles.

“And you know me better?” He pressed. Your fingers dug into your pants, your teeth catching the inside of your mouth nervously. “Why do you even want drugs?”

Now that was a question you could answer.

“I’m tired of my reputation.” You blurted. “Tired of everyone talking to me like I’m some innocent kid just because I get good grades and I’m nice to teachers. I’m not perfect, I don’t need to be babied.”

Jeonghan hummed.

“Well, despite your adamancy you are innocent,” he stated. You glared at him, fingers pinching your thighs through your pants.

“I’m not innocent,” you pressed.

“Yes, you are,” Jeonghan argued back, his lips quirking up at the sight of your frustration. “And that’s why you came here. Isn’t it?”

“I came here to ask you to get me drugs,” you said back.

“Well, I won’t get you any,” Jeonghan replied just as evenly. Your eyes widened at the flat-out denial of your request.

“But-!” You stood up without really thinking. “Jeonghan I’ll do anything.”

Jeonghan’s eyebrows quirked.

“Seriously! Anything you want Jeonghan. You can do anything you want to me, I’m serious. I’d-”

“Is that not prostitution?” Jeonghan asked. Your mouth dropped open, and once again he had left you stuped.

“What?”

“It just seems like you’re trying to sell your body to me,” Jeonghan pointed out. He pulled himself up a little bit, raising his eyes to make your gaze more even now that you were standing. He leaned back on his hands and his head fell to the side a bit. “In that case you would be bribing me to commit a crime by trying to get me to commit a different crime.”

Your jaw stayed open.

“I just thought-” God, what kind of guy even was Jeonghan? “If you’re not going to do it then just tell me you aren’t going to do it.”

“I already told you I wasn’t going to do it,” Jeonghan replied calmly.

At this point, your heart was racing and your face was burning red. Every part of you wanted to just storm out angrily, and Jeonghan seemed to read that in your eyes.

“What’s wrong angel, did I make you mad?” He asked. “You’re used to getting everything that you want, aren’t you?”

If it was possible your face burned even hotter.

“That’s not true.”

“Then why are you still here?” Jeonghan pressed. He got up to his feet, reminding you of your unfortunate height difference. He walked back over to you and his fingers buried into your hair. He tugged your hair at its roots so that you were forced to look up at him.

You felt your mouth go dry.

“You said you aren’t innocent, but you are and that’s why you really came here today,” Jeonghan said. He once again looked you up and down, a small humming leaving his throat as he stared at you.

“You wanted me to come expunge your record. You wanted to prove to everyone that you truly are in fact no longer innocent. You knew that if you asked Hansol he would let you smoke with him. And you also knew that to get what you want you don’t even have to smoke weed.”

Jeonghan shifted his weight, but he didn’t loosen his grip.

“You could do something as innocent as start smoking cigarettes and people would start to look at you differently. All you have to do to get those is go to the closest gas station.

Jeonghan leaned forward a bit, his face growing closer to yours. He smiled as your eyes flickered down to his lips.

“You want me to take your virginity.”

Your eyes widened.

“I’m not a virgin.”

He laughed.

“No?” He clearly didn’t believe you. “And I suppose I was wrong about everything before too.”

Jeonghan’s head tilted down a little bit and you let your head tilt up a bit too, your brain lost in a haze, thinking that he was going to kiss you. Jeonghan’s lips were so close to yours.

“Got you.”

Your face burned.

“This doesn’t mean I’m a virgin,” you murmured. Jeonghan’s fingers released your hair, and he took a step back from you. You cleared your throat, brushing your fingers through your strands in order to tidy yourself back up again.

“I’m not going to take your virginity,” Jeonghan said pointedly. “Why did you think that I was going to do it anyways?”

“What do you want me to do then?” You asked, finally relinquishing to the idea that you were in fact a virgin. “You want me to go to someone else? Let some other person take my virginity and then come back to you and beg you to buy me drugs.”

Jeonghan’s eyes widened a bit.

“Don’t just ask people to take your virginity,” he blurted. “And just ask Hansol. I’ll call you for him.”

Jeonghan took a few steps away from you in order to get his phone out. He started to mess with it, but you just huffed.

“Well, is there something wrong with me then?” You demanded. “Is that what it is? I’m too innocent to fuck.”

Jeonghan laughed dryly, not looking up at you as he presumably pulled up Hansol’s contact.

“You being too innocent isn’t why I won’t fuck you.”

You snatched his phone out of his hands, forcing him to look at you .

“Then why?” You prodded. Jeonghan shifted his weight, propping one of his hands on his hip.

“Because I’m not going to go easy on you just because it’s your first time. If you taunt me with being able to fuck any hole on you, I’m going to do it. No hesitation.”

“But you are hesitating,” you grumbled. Jeonghan rolled his eyes.

“You don’t want me to?”

You let silence fill the room at his question, which made him smile.

“You’re hesitating,” he pointed out.

“Just fuck me,” you insisted. “Please.”

Jeonghan put a single finger to your forehead and leaned forward.

“Rules.”

Your eyes zeroed in on his finger.

“One: You can’t tell anyone,” he said. “I don’t want people on my ass for being the ‘bad boy’-” He used air quotations. “- who took your virginity.”

Your eyebrows furrowed slightly.

“Okay.”

“Two: You’ll tell me if you’re uncomfortable with anything that is happening,” he replied firmly. “I may be… Rough but I’m not heartless. It’s your first time if you need me to go… Slower…”

He seemed to be a bit bothered as he said that. You could tell that he was rethinking whether or not he wanted to actually take your virginity.

“Just say something,” he finally said. “Seriously, no shame.”

“It’s not going to bother me,” you protested. “Just cause it’s my first time doesn’t mean that I won’t… Like it.”

Jeonghan’s finger pressed harder into your forehead.

“You don’t know what I’m into,” you said.

Jeonghan hummed and then spoke a word. Your eyebrows furrowed and you repeated it in confusion. Jeonghan rolled his eyes.

“It’s your safe word,” he stated plainly. “I’ll stop if you just say stop, but if that’s uncomfortable to you for some reason-”

“I know what a safe word is,” you interrupted him. Feeling a bit annoyed. “I told you. You don’t know what I’m into.”

Jeonghan didn’t look entirely convinced.

“Three… You have to beg for it and prove you really want it.”

Your face burned under his gaze, not entirely sure what he wanted you to say. Sure, you had read tons of stories about this, and watched a handful of videos where someone had to beg but… To actually have to do it.

“I’m not patient,” Jeonghan mumbled. You swallowed hard and forced yourself to keep your eyes on him.

“Please fuck me,” you mumbled softly. “I want you so badly Jeonghan.”

You thought you sounded a bit robotic, but Jeonghan seemed to like it. His lips quirked up a bit in amusement. Once again, his fingers buried in your hair, and he held you tight, forcing you to look him in the eyes.

“Really?” He pressed, wanting more.

“Really,” you agreed. “I’ve… Been thinking about you ever since I first saw you.”

You wished you could say it wasn’t true but Jeonghan was right in his accusations that you had been strategic in the way that you had gone about this whole situation. You had been desperate to get his attention, and you had genuinely thought that you would be able to trick Jeonghan into thinking that you didn’t want it so badly by coming under the guise of I’ll do anything for drugs.

But it seemed that wasn’t the case. He had seen right through you.

“Life isn’t one of your shitty porn videos,” Jeonghan chided you softly. “If you wanted to fuck me… Well angel, you should have just asked.”

Jeonghan tipped his head down a bit more, his nose brushing yours as his lips ghosted yours.

“Last chance to stay pure.”

The tone of his voice told you that he didn’t actually believe that fucking someone made them impure, and still the words sent a shiver through your body. You tilted your chin up, letting your lips brush his. Jeonghan laughed at your weak attempt to initiate the kiss.

“Is it your first kiss too?” He teased you lightly. At this rate he was so close to you that you were confident that he could just feel the redness of your cheeks by your twos close proximity.

You raised both of your hands to Jeonghan’s head.

“Shut up.”

You pulled him close to you, squashing your lips together, but the fact that you actually hadn’t kissed anyone before was pretty evident.

Jeonghan laughed against your lips and pulled away slightly, his fingers burying into your hair again.

“It really is your first kiss,” he said in awe.

“It’s…” You trailed off, face burning. “Don’t laugh at me.”

“I’m not laughing at you,” Jeonghan assured lightly. His hands dropped to your side, and he tugged at the bottom of your shirt. “It’s just amusing… Do you really not care about the importance of your first time?”

He gave you a small kiss, and then pulled your shirt over your head. He gave you another kiss, putting one hand to the small of your back and the other hand to the clasp of your bra.

“Firsts don’t really mean anything,” you mumbled. Jeonghan feigned offense.

“If firsts don’t mean anything does that mean I’m not special?”

You snorted at his faux tone but that didn’t matter at all to him. You hadn’t even realized what he was doing until suddenly your bra had loosened around your chest. Your face burned red, and you suddenly raised your hands to your chest, holding up your bra weakly. Jeonghan snorted at you.

“You know if I’m going to fuck you anywhere than I am going to be seeing you naked right?”

Your face was still bright red.

“That doesn’t mean I’m not going to be a little embarrassed about it,” you mumbled softly. Jeonghan took your wrist with one of his hands, forcing your arm away from your body, letting your bra to lopsidedly fall off your other arm. As he moved your arm he also moved your body, guiding you over to the wall. He didn’t push you against it but he may as well have with how close he was to you. He made sure to toss aside your bra once he had released your arm, and then he took you by your hips, now pressing you into the wall.

“Let’s see what we are working with,” Jeonghan mumbled, and the way that he looked at you made you realize what it was like to be seen as an object. And not in the way that you had seen people describe it on tiktok. No, you knew now what it felt like when one of the characters of your adult fantasy novels said that the male lead looked at them like an object.

Heat rushed through your body so quickly that you were surprised when Jeonghan raised his hand to pinch at one of your nipples and it was rock hard. You resisted the urge to push him away, because you had never been touched by someone like this before, and you were finding the burn of your body intoxicating.

Jeonghan raised his other hand to your breasts, completely cupping the other one, and you raised your hand to your mouth, biting down on your knuckle to keep from making any embarrassing sounds. You tried to watch Jeonghan as he began to fondle with your breasts, but the heat in his eyes that you had only ever seen written before was a bit overwhelming. You found yourself having to turn your head, pressing your hand into your mouth harder as he squeezed and kneaded your breasts.

“No one’s ever touched you like this before either huh?” Jeonghan observed, and when he spoke you realized that he was very close to your neck. As soon as the words were completely out of his mouth, his lips had latched on your neck. You cried out against your hand and shook your head to say no even though he couldn’t see you.

Jeonghan’s head dipped a bit lower after having bit down a few times on your neck. He kissed over your collarbone and then his mouth was gently sucking one of your nipples into his mouth.

You gasped out in surprise and your hands darted to his head, your fingers grabbing at his hair.

“A-Ah, Jeong-”

You felt his lips curve up into a smile and his teeth nipped lightly at your nipple.

“You’re so reactive,” he murmured. “I forgot how loud virgins are.”

“Stop calling me a virgin,” you whined. In response Jeonghan lowered one of his hands, sliding it down your hips. He unbuttoned your pants with a single flick, and slowly pushed his hand into your underwear. Your face burned and your hands tugged at his hair urgently.

“What are yo-” You were interrupted by your own surprised moan as Jeonghan slipped a finger into you. You slammed your hand over your mouth at the sound of your moan.

“Even a virgin would be better than you at handling a finger in their cunt,” he murmured. His head dipped back down, refocusing on your tits. You tugged at his hair with the one hand that wasn’t (poorly) stifling your moans.

“It’s like you’ve never even fingered yourself before,” Jeonghan said, his voice heightened in amusement. His fingers slipped from you, and he pulled away from you. He slipped his finger into his mouth.

“Drop your pants.”

You stared at him; your hands having had to catch yourself on the wall in surprise at the loss of his support. He raised an eyebrow at you as you panted there dumbly.

“Don’t look at me like an idiot, take off your pants.”

You nodded and struggled to get the pants off. Once they were tossed aside awkwardly on the floor Jeonghan sat down in front of you, looking up at you from where he was now cross-legged on the floor.

“Spread your legs,” he mumbled softly. You did so the best that you could while standing against the wall. “Good… Now, I want you to run your hands down your body…”

Your eyebrows furrowed and again- You did the best that you could to slid your hands down, a bit confused on where you were going. Jeonghan rolled his eyes.

“Down to your pussy angel,” he murmured. “But… Don’t touch your clit. Want to watch you finger yourself.”

Your eyebrows rose in surprise.

“I’m not going to-”

“Didn’t you say you would do anything for those drugs?” He asked you. Your lips pressed in frustration. “Or were you just saying that because you wanted me to fuck you? You didn’t think I was going to hold you to that promise? Anything?”

Your body was warm. Did that mean that he was going to do everything you offered…? Did that mean-

“You know a virgin shouldn’t be so excited to do anal,” Jeonghan commented. Before you could argue that he was gesturing at you to move faster.

“Come on, if you can’t even finger yourself why should I fuck you? I can’t teach you everything,” he commented, and there was a disgruntled tone in his voice that made you lightly bang the back of your head against the wall as you finally slid one of your fingers into yourself.

“I know how to finger myself,” you murmured, your voice was a bit airy as you spoke. Your finger was a bit shorter and thinner than Jeonghan’s had been. Just a bit. So, you were a bit frustrated even though he had only been fingering you for a little bit. You slipped a second finger into you, trying to pish your fingers as deep into as you could manage.

“You’re doing such a good job,” Jeonghan praised lightly. “I don’t even know why you came. You don’t need me to get off do you?”

You looked down at Jeonghan, face surely bright red at being watched. Jeonghan tilted his up a bit.

“Why don’t you play with your tits too huh? Give me a bit of a show.”

You opened your mouth to protest cause this wasn’t what you meant when you said anything but even as you were doing that you were raising your free hand to knead and pinch at your breasts. A whine left your mouth at the feeling instead of a sentence of protest towards Jeonghan.

You let your head hit the back of the wall again, and your eyes fluttered shut as you tried to pretend that Jeonghan wasn’t there watching you in his room, fucking yourself against the wall. But… It was all you could remember, that Jeonghan was watching. His little hums of approval vibrating through the room every once in a while.

You pressed a third finger into you, curling your fingers deep inside of you, forcing out a gasp.

“A bit presumptuous with all those fingers, I didn’t even have to tell you.”

A sound of frustration was your only reply.

“Y/n,” he voice came sharp. “Look at me.”

You reluctantly pried your eyes open and looked down at Jeonghan. Your hand fucking your pussy was soaked. You wanted to pretend that it wasn’t because of Jeonghan because experiencing your fantasies wasn’t always supposed to be as good as reading about them, but despite that thought in your head you knew that you had never dripped down your thighs like this at home for fantasies.

“You ever fucked yourself in the ass before?” He asked you, rather bluntly, you thought. You shook your head, biting down on the inside of your cheeks. Jeonghan hummed.

“And yet you offered it up? You probably could even fit a pencil in there, much less your fingers, or my dick,” he commented, and again that way he spoke down to you was such a ridiculous turn on you wanted to scream into your hands. People never spoke down to you. Not your teachers, or other classmates, not even your parents had ever spoken down to you. It was thrilling to be spoken to like this.

“You don’t have to fuck me…” You didn’t want to say it so casually like he was. “There.”

“I don’t,” Jeonghan agreed. “But you want me to, don’t you?”

You shook your head, closing your eyes in embarrassment.

“Did you get ready for me?” He asked you, his voice again heightened in amusement.

You shook your head, but your thoughts turned to the what to do before anal google search you had done before coming here.

You would be joking if you said you hadn’t really been hoping this night would take this turn. You would be just straight lying if you said you hadn’t done most of what the google results had told you.

But to finger yourself there? That was humiliating.

As your thoughts raced, you felt Jeonghan close the distance between you two. He tapped your cheek, and you felt your eyes flutter open. You were staring up at Jeonghan whose face was framed in his hair falling forward from looking down at you.

“You like it when I talk down to you,” he murmured softly. “I bet you’d really like it if I was a bit more physical.”

Again, you wanted to scream but you kept your face as straight as you could keep it.

“You want me to hurt you?” He continued; his voice so airy that you nearly missed the question. You pressed your lips together, and you nodded once. His eyes narrowed. “I need it vocal.”

“Yes.”

You were immediately slapped, hard across your face. You stumbled, grabbing Jeonghan’s arm to keep yourself steady just at the surprise of being hit.

“Say it louder.”

You looked up at Jeonghan, your pupils blown. You had always wondered what it would feel like to be hit by someone. Always fantasized about it, weakly slapping yourself while listening to strangers on reddit’s gonewildaudio’s subreddit degrade you. But that didn’t hold a candle to the way that hit made you feel. Your pussy clamped around nothing, and your fingers dug into Jeonghan’s arm.

“Oh my god yes, please,” you blurted before you could feel shame for your excitement. “Please hurt me, It feels s-so good.”

You wanted to cry, because you needed Jeonghan to touch you more. You needed his fingers inside you. You wanted his cock inside of you.

The excitement was thrumming through your body.  You hadn’t even seen Jeonghan’s cock yet.

Jeonghan forced your chin up.

“You would give a shitty blowjob,” Jeonghan commented as if he could read your mind. “I don’t feel like teaching you how to take cock down your throat properly.”

Jeonghan took you by your shoulder, and walked you over to his desk, bending you forcibly over it. You moaned as your cheek pressed into the cold wood.

“You want me to stop,” he mumbled. “Just use your safeword. I know you’re good at listening.”

“Okay,” you breathed.

Jeonghan’s hand came down on your ass hard, jolting your entire body.

“Let’s see…” He mumbled, ignoring your yelp. He knelt down in front of you, his thumbs coming to your folds and spreading them for him. “Your pussy still looks like it needs a cock in it.”

He sighed as if he was disappointed in you. You let your forehead hit the desk. He pushed two of his fingers into you, and as he did so he was clicking his tongue.

“And you’re dripping like a bitch in heat all over me…” He continued. He pulled his fingers out of you after only a few pumps and ran them through your folds as if to try and gather all of the wetness.

“Let’s see if you’re even wet enough for this…” Jeonghan slid his now soaked fingers up to your asshole, pushing lightly to see if your rim would give. He didn’t try very hard and instead took his head.

“Yeah… You definitely aren’t ready for this,” he mumbled. But as he did, you felt a different one of his fingers dragging through your wetness and then pushing at your asshole. He forced the finger into you, forcing a moan out of you.

“Well, my pinky can fit, so I guess you’re not a completely lost cause,” he murmured. You kicked one of your feet into the ground, fighting the urge to push back on Jeonghan because the burn of just his pinky finger inside of you was absolutely intoxicating. You felt like you were going to explode, you wanted him to do more, you wanted him to put more in you.

“Je-Jeonghan,” you said, but your voice was small and shaky as he eased his pinky in and out of you. “I-I can take more.”

Jeonghan hummed, ignoring you.

“Jeonghan,” you moaned again, shimmying your ass. “I want you to fuck me with more.”

Jeonghan slapped your ass and you lost his finger completely.

“You’re rushing it,” Jeonghan chided. “You really want me to just pull out my dick and start fucking you when you’ve never even fingered your ass before.”

Your face burned so hot you were glad that he couldn’t see. You wondered what it would be like if he did just fuck your ass right there. You wondered how big he was, and how big he would feel with just his tip forcing it’s way past-

Your thoughts were interrupted by Jeonghan beginning to push a bigger finger into you, and you pushed back against it. You were so tight that it was a bit of an effort to try and even get his finger further into you. His other hand gripped at your waist.

“You’re so impatient it’s making me a bit angry,” he warned, and you hoped that he left bruises on your hips from how hard he was holding you. Jeonghan began again, to work his finger in and out of you, but he was taking his time and you were getting impatient. More impatient than before.

Jeonghan began to ease a second finger into you, making you hit your palm against his desk. God, you needed more. You had never come without a vibrator, but right now you felt like you were going to come just on Jeonghan’s fingers alone.

“You were right,” you bit out, hoping he was listening. “I should have asked Hansol to get me drugs. Cause he would already be fucking me by now.”

Your words had the desired affect even though, at first you thought you had really fucked up. Jeonghan left you completely, slapping your ass hard.

“You want it like that?” He asked you. You swallowed hard and just as you were about to apologize you heard a zipper. Moments later you felt something fat and heavy hit your back.

“You want to play that game?” Jeonghan asked. He grabbed you by your hair and pulled you up from the desk. You cried out in surprise as you were flipped around and hiked up onto his desk. Jeonghan let his heavy cock land on your bare pussy and he grabbed you roughly by both sides of your face, dragging you into a rough, possessive kiss. He broke it just when you thought you were going to suffocate.

“What were you going to do if you went to Hansol then?” H asked. “Cause I promise you, Hansol won’t fuck you the way that I’m going to.”

He pulled back wrapping both of his hands to hit your clit with his heavy cock. You jumped at each hit, feeling like you’d get yelled at for grabbing him so instead you grabbed at the edges of Jeonghan’s desk.

“I bet you Hansol would have been so gentle, probably would have talked you through all this shit, praised you for how frankly stupid you are at this,” Jeonghan mumbled. He shook his head and rubbed his bare tip between your slick folds. “But I’m not even going to fuck you with a condom.”

He grabbed the back of your neck, pushing so that your eyes were forced to look down at where his cock was teasing your entrance.

“Because even cheap whores can’t argue with a paying customer. Because they’ll take whatever they get.”

He forced his cock into you all at once, and you screamed at the sudden thrust. You had fucked yourself countless times on dildos that honestly did compare to Jeonghan’s width and length, but you still felt like you had never been fucked by anything before. The base of his cock stretched you so hard that you felt tears begin to trail down your cheeks, but it felt so good that you didn’t want Jeonghan to stop.

Jeonghan moved one of his hands to your shoulder, and the other to your hip so that he could begin to force his fat cock into your pussy that had only just been spread open enough for this to feel pleasant. You were starting to think that you shouldn’t have been so hasty with the anal because at this rate you didn’t think he would fuck your ass at all.

Not that you cared too much. His fingers dug into your shoulders as his groans filled the air, cock twitching everytime it pushed too far in because it drug a yelp out of you everytime and made you clench hard around Jeonghan’s cock. He let his forehead drop forward, against yours, and he shook his head against yours.

“God you’re so stupid you don’t even know how you’re supposed to act during your first time,” Jeonghan mumbled. “You aren’t supposed to want it this rough. You aren’t supposed to talk about other men.”

Jeonghan accentuated his points with his thrusts, and he nudged your nose with his, smashing your lips together again. You tried to keep up with him, but to be completely honest you were pretty much solely moaning against his lips. You couldn’t even respond to anything he was saying you were just nodded when you could, screaming into his mouth with each deep thrust.

Of course, once again, you had that pleasure ripped away from you.

A frustrated sob left your lips, but it was interrupted by a soft kiss from Jeonghan.

“Oh don’t worry angel, we’re just getting started,” he whispered against your lips. You were a bit confused by his words but then he was dragging you off the desk again, bending you back over it, the tip of his cock pressing against your tight asshole.

“You want me to fuck your ass? Then it would be my pleasure.”

He had to hold your hips tightly (both to get himself into you and to stop your wiggles of anticipation). It took a moment (you suspected he was going easy on you), before finally his tip was into you. You both let out matching moans and he weakly bent over your body, burying his face in the back of your neck.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck, you are so tight,” he blabbered nonsensically. He pushed further into you, and the burn and stretch of his cock in your ass felt so good that you had to push your fist into your mouth, biting down hard on it to keep from screaming too loud.

“You’re such a slut y/n,” Jeonghan babbled as he pushed into you. “Good kids like you shouldn’t act like this. Good kids like you shouldn’t let bad guys like me fuck you. We don’t treat you right.”

You whined into your fist, shaking your head to shake off his words. This felt too good. Your pussy was clamping on air, dripping all over his desk and on your thighs. Jeonghan held you still until he had finally pushed all the way into you, his head raising so that he could thread his fingers back into your hair.

“Such a bad little slut,” he mumbled, and then he began to pull out. At first his thrusts were slow, because you were so tight there was nothing else that he could do. But as he continued, he grabbed at your other wrist, and trapped it behind your back so that he could hear you.

You were a mess of tears, and pleasure, the burn of his cock as he began to fuck you hard and fast and your moans could probably be heard by the entire floor.

“God, you feel so fucking good,” he mumbled against your skin, his teeth bit down on the back of your neck. “I like this so much… Did you think of the consequences to your actions before doing this? Coming here? Asking me to fuck you?”

You shook your head silently, and it wasn’t enough for him, his other hand circled around your body and his fingers pressed to your down to your pussy.

 You sobbed out in complete and utter pleasure.

“Do you know what I’m going to do to you?” He asked you as suddenly his fingers pressed into your pussy, three fingers filling you up so full that for a second you forgot how to breathe.

“I’m going to cum in your fucking ass and watch it drip out of your ass and into your pretty little pussy how do you like that?”

You nodded, and finally were able to find the words.

“Yes Jeonghan please, I need that so badly, want you to cum in my ass, please please-“

As you begged you started to feel something warm spurt deep in your ass. Your forehead hit the desk, as you sobbed in pleasure, feeling an orgasm rip through so powerful that your vision briefly blurred, your entire body shaking.

It wasn’t until he finally, stopped thrusting, his cock still buried deep in your ass that you even realized what a mess you were making of his desk. You were crying, you knew that for sure, and suddenly Jeonghan pulled you up by the strands of your hair.

“How does that feel angel? Do you feel good?” He asked you, his tone again condescending.

“G-good,” you admitted shamelessly. “Th-Than-nk you.”

Jeonghan hummed and pushed you back into the desk. He slipped his cock out of your now used ass, and then plugged it with three of his fingers. His hand left your hair, and you felt his cock head tease at the entrance of your pussy.

“Clearly, I haven’t taught you a good enough lesson. You aren’t supposed to like this. You are pure, the perfect kid on campus.”

He pushed his cock into your pussy in one full push.

“Oh god-”

“Don’t you want to protect your image?” He asked you. “You really want everyone to know that Yoon Jeonghan fucked both of your sloppy holes and left cum in them?”

Excitement thrummed your body.

“Y-Yes.”

You wished you could say that you were thinking about using the safe word he had provided you earlier but you didn’t care about that at all. You were sobbing just from the pleasure of it all. So excited at the prospect of having your pussy full of cum. You had always wondered what that was like. You already loved the feeling of Jeonghan’s cum in your ass. The feeling of his fingers keeping it plugged up.

He didn’t have to fuck you long before you were coming on his cock.

And that dragged him over the edge as well.

The warm spurts of cum in your pussy were completely different from the toys you had played with to try and simulate this feeling before.

As soon as Jeonghan finished filling your pussy with his cum he took a step back, his warmth leaving your body.

Both of your whole felt empty, your clit desperate for attention despite having come just from Jeonghan’s cock already.

You moaned as you felt his cum beginning to drip out of your ass and down to your pussy, which was also dripping cum, presumably onto Jeonghan’s floor.

“You look so pathetic,” Jeonghan said, that condescending tone still there. “A virgin fucked to tears and yet somehow you seem so grateful.”

He sighed and then his hands were soothing over the small of your back. You preened into his touch, steady breaths leaving your lips as he guided you up. Your body was still shaking a bit so when he turned you around all he did was wrap his arms around your body, pressing your back to the desk as he hugged you tightly.

He stood there completely silent for a few minutes, making sure not to say anything. After a while, your head drooped tiredly onto his shoulder and he sighed, pressing a small kiss to the side of your neck.

“How’re you feeling?” He asked you softly. You felt a bit embarrassed that he was reassuring you.

“I feel fine,” you mumbled. “Like I’ll be a bit sore tomorrow…”

His cum dripped down your thighs.

“But isn’t that what everyone’s first is like?”

Jeonghan eased you back by your shoulders so that you could see him.

“I thought firsts didn’t matter?” He asked. Your face began to burn red again.

“They don’t…” You murmured, a smile crossing your face. “But it was a pretty good first.”

You were tired, but excitement still strummed through your body.

“Yeah, my first time I was slapped, fucked over a desk, and he came in both my ass and my pussy,” you said as if you were telling the story to someone. “Oh and it was an infamous bad boy who did it.”

Jeonghan laughed at your words.

“We have a communal bathroom,” he said. “But I’ll sneak you into the boys one so you can get clean in peace. I’ll help you shower.”

“Oh aftercare,” you teased lightly. Jeonghan gave you a somewhat amused look.

“How come you were so embarrassed to ask me to fuck you that you came under the guise of needing drugs, but now you are smiling and laughing while your cunt and your ass drip my cum.”

He made a good point.

“Dream come true…” You murmured, your voice barely above a whisper. Then after a few moments: “Wait does that mean you’re not going to get me drugs?”

“No,” Jeonghan said with a laugh. “I told you to go to Hansol if you wanted to smoke some weed.”

You gaped at him, but he just pushed you back by your forehead a bit while he rummaged through his things to get some clothes.

“Hey Hansol, I need some weed,” you mumbled. “Don’t worry you can fuck me any-“

Jeonghan was back on you in an instant, his fingers digging into your shoulder, just by your collarbone.

“Don’t offer random people to fuck your ass.”

His gaze on you was a bit scary… Unwavering. You pressed your lips together and nodded once.

“You shouldn’t let people fuck you without a condom either,” he continued, sounding a bit unamused. “Or cum in your ass. If you’re going to be a slut, you could get something… You should just fuck one person.”

A beat passed as you realized what he was saying. Your pressed look turned into a smile.

“You mean-”

“Don’t overthink it,” he grumbled. “I’m going to get so much shit if it gets out that I took your virginity so just… Keep everything on the down low, okay?”

You nodded excitedly.

“Yeah. DL, I got it.”

Jeonghan looked at you like he didn’t quite believe you.

“Promise!”

Finally, he relented and handed you a t-shirt.

“But no drugs,” he mumbled. “You don’t need to start doing that shit. I’m not going to fuck you if you smell like weed all the time.”

“Got it!” You agreed. “No drugs.”

Jeonghan sighed and shook his head at your eagerness.

“And you’re staying the night. Can’t have you walking home after this or anything.”

Again, the idea was a bit exciting.

“Virginity taken and a sleep ov-”

Jeonghan shoved the shirt you hadn’t yet taken in your face with a sigh as he realized that fucking you, wasn’t going to be like fucking most people.

“Come on, you’re dripping cum all over the floor.”

You pulled the shirt out of your face enough to smile at him.

“Thank you Jeonghan.”

He sighed.

“You did good y/n, you did really good.”

And then he helped you get his shirt on and get you to the bathroom.

Taglist: @vintageot5, @woo8hao, @toruro, @wonudazed, @kkakkameori

[mikachusblog]

🥀

[embarrassinglastwords]

“you’re my best friend, now i’ve no one to tell how i lost my best friend”

“you believe me like a god, i destroy you like i am.

i’m sorry i’m the one you love, no one will ever love me like you again

so when you leave i should die. i deserve it, don’t i?”

“your low warm voice curses as you find the strength to strike within me that rings out a note heard in heaven”

“you know i’d always been alone till you taught me to live for somebody.

that love is like a star. it’s gone, we just see it shining cause it travelled very far. keep a leftover light burning so you can keep looking up.”

(PT 1 of this for anyone interested)

(and if anyone’s interested here’s a playlist as well as just a normal stsg playlist)

[tulipsandcorgis]

anthony for the next few months: oooooh, sorry. can’t do that, my wife is pregnant.

benedict: …anthony, you do know YOU’RE still allowed to drink.

[notholaenas]

this barbie is sapphic coded 🧡🤍🩷

[swordfangs]

This clip from spongebob

[ladyblackbirdart]

A little Dina practice for @cerealgray 😙😙

No I’m not procrastinating anything what are you on about? 🤔🙄🤗

[gyuzgrl]

her //kmg// pt3. (sad ending)

summary- as confusions build to an overbearing crescendo, a sudden visit by Mingyu's sister leads to an unplanned encounter with your ex-husband. will seeing him one last time help you make up your mind?

Things can't possibly get any more confusing.

For Mingyu and for you.

While on one hand, he wants to do right by you and let you go, he can't escape the simple fact that he needs you. Long, hard days filled with thoughts of you are his reality now- they have been for the past week or so. Unable to move, to eat, to sleep, Mingyu finds himself at the lowest he's ever been.

And that message- god, he feels so stupid for contacting you when you clearly didn't want to talk. The tiny letters below his text, marked 'read' feel like little needles moving deeper into his heart every time he clicks on your chat.

That isn't to say he resents you, though. It's quite the opposite. Mingyu's time alone has given him the opportunity to grow a newfound hatred for himself, and he spends every waking moment wishing he was someone else. Someone who didn't hurt you.

You, on the other hand, are confused too, but for a different reason altogether. Although you love him, and long to be with him, the question of your self-respect remains. Letting him back in would mean giving the man who cheated on you a second chance, but staying away would mean losing the man you love, over a mistake he regrets making.

As you sit across from your lawyer, hand trembling with the weight of consequence, your thoughts race around like jolts of electricity- flooding your head with doubt.

"...and this is the last of it, so you can jus-" he trails off, noticing your shaken state.

"ma'am?"

Your head snaps up, eyes widening.

"y-um, yes, I'm listening- sorry-" you mumble, swallowing hard as you blink away the tears welling up in your eyes. Thankful for the opaque, white table separating you, you suck in a deep breath, trying to hide your trembling limbs.

"don't be,"

He offers a gentle smile, eyes filled with pity as if to say- 'oh, you poor thing...', and slides one final paper your way.

"here's the last of it- after this, you'll be free for good,"

For good? As in permanently? There's no going back? You look towards the man before you, helpless and confused. Although this is all your own doing, you can't help but feel a pang of doubt at the last leg of your journey.

"so after this we would have officially separated? he'll no longer be my husband?"

From the slight tremble in your voice, your lawyer gathers that something isn't right. It's the same quiver he detected in Mingyu's words a few days back.

He sighs, retracting the final document.

"ma'am, we can do this on another da-"

"no I just-"

"there's no rush, is there? I can tell your mind isn't completely made up just yet, and the last thing I want is for you to make a decision you aren't 100% sure of."

You feel a tear slip down your cheek, dripping onto the papers below. And then another. And another.

The universe can be so unfair, so cruel, sometimes. What twisted satisfaction do the Gods get from watching you suffer like this? Things could've been so good with Mingyu. He could've treated you so well, been the perfect husband, loved you so truly- but no.

They had to come in and ruin it all.

"you can take your time, I'll be at the front desk if you need"

You barely acknowledge his departure, staring blankly at the table as tears blur your vision. It shouldn't be this hard. It really shouldn't. After all, this was your decision- your choice.

Mingyu fucked up. He broke your heart. He's the reason your self esteem is at the lowest it's ever been.

So why...

Why does this feel wrong? Why does it hurt so bad?

Your breaths grow shallow, each inhale speeding up until your heart thuds against your chest. The rapid rise and fall of your shoulders paints a pitiful picture, and you want nothing more than for the Earth to open up and swallow your sorrow.

That night you spent with Mingyu, opened up a world of possibilities- a world of hope- only to have it all come crashing down in an instant. For one night, you got to lay with him, to love him, to be loved by him and that was it. You saw a faint glimmer of hope, that shining light at the end of a long tunnel, but it slipped away just before you could reach out and grasp it.

Reality shook you awake and now here you are- crying in a cold meeting room, all by yourself, wishing none of this ever happened.

It pains you to say it, but the truth is these past few days have been really hard. You've spent hours scrolling through your phone in search of Mingyu's pictures, spent every night forcing yourself to put your phone away only to have him haunt your sleep- you just can't push him away.

All of a sudden, there's a knock at the door. Your head jerks up, eyes making out a petite frame through the translucent glass doors.

"come- come in," you call, rubbing your eyes furiously, "I was just about to leave"

The door creaks open and a familiar face comes into view.

"oh-"

Mingyu's sister.

Minseo's eyes grow watery at your state and she hurries into the room, pulling you into a tight embrace.

"how did you-"

"word travels fast," she interrupts, cradling your face as she stares sympathetically at your puffy, red eyes. "I thought I'd check in on you both, but neither of you has been answering my calls..."

"sorry I-"

"don't be! I just wanted to see if you're doing okay, y'know?"

Her eyes lock onto yours, asking silently- 'you are doing okay, right?' and you can't help the way your gaze falters. She looks so sincere, so apologetic, you don't want to lie to her.

"y/n,"

"I'm fine"

"y/n."

Her voice is firm.

You meet her stare.

"let me buy you something to drink, hm?" she smiles, veiling her concern. "starbucks?"

"I don't go there anymore,"

"someplace else, then."

You nod, offering her a small smile, and you make your way to a coffee shop nearby. As you find a table and place your orders, Minseo's smile falters ever so slightly.

And then she begins to speak.

"I know this is the last thing I should be asking, but um- you haven't- you haven't heard from Mingyu, have you?"

You sigh, shaking your head.

"oh."

The slight quiver in her voice has you on edge, and your fingers itch to reach out and hold her hand. Before you can stop yourself, a hesitant- "why're you asking?" slips past your lips.

"it's been a little over a week... all of us have tried to call or text or- I don't know, we've tried everything- fuck, I even went to his house, but still, there was no response. I'm a little worried, you know?"

Attentively, you nod along, brows furrowing as she goes on to explain further. A few minutes pass, and her story moves from bad to worse. So far, from what you've gathered, it isn't clear where or how he is.

Minseo's eyes begin to glass over, lips quivering as she speaks on.

"I know what he did is wrong, I would hate him too if I was you, but he's-" she cuts herself off with a trembling sob, "he's my brother, my family- and- and I don't know how to fix him, y/n. I don't know what he's doing in that house, I don't know if he's even in there anymore-"

Before you know it, your own eyes begin to water, and she takes in a breath.

"I don't know what to do, y/n"

"listen- Minseo I, I'm the last person he'd want to see right now- I'm not sure what you've got planned but-"

"no- no he loves you don't you get it? he only wants to see you right now. not me, not his friends, certainly not that other girl- just you."

You stay silent.

"I'm asking for a lot, I understand, but he's- I just need to know he's okay. and- and you're the only person he'll let in"

That's how you find yourself here, standing before the doors to your apartment. The familiar frame floods you with an overwhelming sense of nostalgia, and you're almost about to turn around when something catches your eye.

Newspapers, bills, letters- all scattered at the foot of the door, unopened, piled upon each other the way you've seen before at abandoned homes.

Tentatively, you press the doorbell, cringing at how the sound seems to pierce through the still air. The sharp twang echoes all throughout the house, like a bullet ricocheting, and your heartbeat quickens.

For about a minute, there's no response- just silence. Maybe this was a bad idea. He probably isn't even h-

"leave me alone, Minseo." a hoarse voice interrupts suddenly, drawing your attention right away.

He's here.

Right behind this door, he's standing, breathing.

"it's um, it's y/n, actuall-"

Before you can finish your sentence, the door swings open, and to your dismay, Mingyu looks like shit.

Standing before you dressed in the same old pajamas, your ex-husband looks a mess. His eyes are so red and swollen you can't tell if he's slept at all. He's lost weight too... The once proud bulk of muscle he sported has drastically reduced to a much slimmer, skinnier figure.

But this all seems like nothing when you notice something held tight within his grasp-

"is that my-"

"no! no- it's uh, it's" he sputters helplessly, stepping back to let you in, "I was jus-just cleaning up! yeah just um, just cleaning,"

Your heart twists. The iron grip he's got on your t-shirt tells you a completely different story, but for now, you let it be. You don't need to dig up his feelings. Not when you haven't sorted your own out.

"how come you're- why are you here?"

"oh uh, my stuff? yeah! all my stuff is here and I need it, so..." you lie, looking around the house as you walk to the living room.

It's colder than before, somehow. Haunted. There's not a light or a lamp in sight, no fire burning in the fireplace- just total darkness. Everything is just as you left it too; your mug of coffee is still on the dinner table, Mingyu's briefcase is still set near the couch, the wall clock still hasn't been wound, now telling the tale of the past.

He notices your wandering gaze and suddenly feels conscious. Scratching the back of his neck, Mingyu ushers you quickly to the couch, blocking your view from the side so you don't see the true mess.

The bedroom.

Your bedroom, rather.

Oh, if you saw the state of that room-

Dark, heavy blinds shut off the outside world, a swirl of your clothes and blankets litter the bed, and the air hangs heavy, with spritzes of your perfume clinging to every surface.

The last thing Mingyu wants is for you to see the state of that room.

"could I-"

"have a seat-"

You both start at the same time, turning to each other awkwardly. He let's his gaze linger on yours for a moment too long, and all hell breaks loose. The air of pretense dissipates within seconds. Mingyu's eyes tell you all you need to know.

You're the first to look away, startled by the emotion behind his stare. The longing and guilt and hurt etched deep in the universe of his eyes is too much.

It's disgusting.

"you first," he urges, "you were saying?"

"nothing really, I just need to get my stuff." Your voice holds no emotion, surprisingly.

"I'll do it!" he interjects, his body going rigid at the thought of you walking into his pathetic little chamber of secrets. "I'll um. tell me what you need"

Unable to catch on, you insist further, telling him- "no! no really I can do it myself, please-"

A few dozen fruitless protests later, you've won.

Somehow.

Mingyu tried his best, although in vain, and now he's got you sitting on the couch as he scrambles to tidy up to the best of his abilities.

But of course, he should have known.

With your level of patience, it was only a matter of minutes before your curiosity got the better of you and led you straight into the bedroom.

"hey, you really don't have to bother so mu-" you start as you walk in, freezing at the door when your eyes glance over what once was your bedroom.

With a bunch of your t-shirts tucked away under his arm and a couple more scattered over his pillows, Mingyu halts his actions, paralysed.

The air is damp and clammy and it stinks of your perfume- strong enough to give you a headache. It feels as if time itself has stilled, as if it hasn't moved past that night you spent together.

Your bra is still in the corner of the room, your slippers are still at the foot of the bed, your pillow still has tear stains at the edge; it's like you were here just yesterday.

You're... appalled.

You've never seen Mingyu like this before. For a man with as much pride as him, this is a complete shift in his narrative. He looks pathetic, standing in shock, clutching your clothes to his chest as if they'd fade if he didn't hold on tight enough.

Seeing him like this should bring tears to your eyes. He is- was- the love of your life after all, wasn't he?

But it doesn't.

Blinking twice, you look past him as if he were made of glass.

"I'll wait outside."

Your tone is icy- frigid. It makes his hair stand.

"you don't understand-" he pleads, rushing towards you as he drops the clothes in a hurry, "I was just-"

"no, I get what's happening, Mingyu." you dismiss, stepping back with his advance.

Helplessly, he pants, arms itching to reach out and pull you close, but he holds himself back. Every cell in his body yearns to touch you, to feel the warmth of your skin, to love you and repent under your alter day after day until his body gives out.

It appears, however, that you're no longer willing to give him that chance.

They say that pity is given least to those who create the situation they've fallen victim to. A self-made problem doesn't seem quite as unfair as one that arises when the universe simply deals you a bad hand.

And this... Mingyu's done this to himself. He's the cause of his own misery and for some reason, realizing this frees you.

"I shouldn't have come-" you mutter, turning around to walk back outside.

Your heels clack against the cold marble floor, echoing over and over in Mingyu's head. This can't be happening again. You can't leave him again.

Forcing out a sharp exhale, he strides over to your departing frame, taking hold of your wrist. Mingyu's grip is firm as he tugs you back, preventing you from taking a step further.

"Mingyu."

Your voice is a warning.

When he doesn't let go, you twist out of his grip forcefully and yank your hand back.

"just- just listen to me, okay?" he urges, stepping towards you. "I've been a fuckin' mess this past week and- and I realized that I- god, I need you"

You stay silent, watching him with cold, dead eyes.

"I can't eat, I can't sleep, I can't think- Y/n I can't do this without you. I can't live without you," Mingyu eyes you cautiously, awaiting your reaction, disheartened when he receives none.

"okay. I fucked up. I know I fucked up, yeah? I thought I could be the bigger person and let you walk away, but I can't. I can't bear the thought of you not being here with me, I can't think straight when you aren't by my si-"

"are you done?" you interrupt.

His brows scrunch up in confusion, before deepening into frustration.

"am I done?" he echoes, voice raising. "am I done?"

The bored, far-away look in your eyes makes his chest feel heavy and before he can control himself, he does the unthinkable-

"I'll try, Y/n." he trembles, getting onto his knees, "I'll try over and over, beg for your forgiveness again and again, apologize until I can't say anything else- and I won't stop until I get you back home."

You stare down at him, kneeling pathetically before you.

"an apology won't change the past, Mingyu. you're bearing your cross, and I'm not going to help carry it. after all you've done, I still decided to make sure that you were alright- that you were alive at least-"

"baby please-" he tries to interrupt, but you silence him, holding a finger out in front of his face.

"I'm talking." your eyes harden, "and I'm not- don't call me that."

He hangs his head, nodding, and lets you continue.

"despite everything, I came to be the bigger person and see to it that you're okay, so that your family can finally sit easy- but god, Mingyu I don't even know what you're doing right now."

Mingyu presses his palms together, holding his hands in prayer, and mutters a soft- "I'm sorry"

You sigh.

"I know you are. I just- I just don't... care. You reek of self-pity- you're-you're stuck in the past trying to bring me back with whiffs of my perfume and my clothes- do you not know how fucking pathetic you look right now? how dare you make yourself the victim, when I'm the one that got cheated on? this is hard for you- of course it is, divorces are never easy- but have you stopped for one goddamn second to think about what I've dealt with?"

He stays silent.

"I was the one that heard her call. I heard about the fucking- what was it- the 'set' you requested. I had to watch you leave, knowing that you were headed into the arms of another woman. I read your texts saying you'd be home late cause of work, fully aware that you were with her."

Your eyes begin to water ever so slightly, and Mingyu shuffles to get up and wipe your tears, but you shut him down.

"don't-" you grimace, pointing your finger down, "don't you dare get off your knees."

Steadying yourself, you continue.

"knowing all of this, I let you love me."

Mingyu looks up at you, tears falling from his eyes. His fingers twitch by his side, wanting to wipe his tears, but he keeps still.

"I saw the marks she left on you and decided that it was still okay. that's how much I loved you. that's how goddamn desperate I was to have you close. and after it was done- after I let you have me, knowing damn well I wasn't the only one- I felt disgusting. every spot you touched left marks that wouldn't come off no matter how hard I scrubbed. whatever you said clung to my mind and all I could think of was how she must've heard the same things. my pride, Mingyu. that's what you took from me. anyone can heal a broken heart- but this? building myself back from the ground up? I-"

"and it's all my fault..." you hear him whisper, thick tears dripping onto the floor below.

"it's all your fault."

After a moment's silence, you step away, dabbing at your eyes. Big girls don't cry.

"you've broken something you can't fix, Mingyu," you spit, "don't delude yourself into thinking a shattered vase can hold water just 'cause you pieced it back together."

His tears give way to heavy sobs, sounds of pain and helplessness echoing through the house and Mingyu collapses further, pressing his palms to the floor.

Hearing your words flipped a switch somewhere deep within, and finally he realized the gravity of his actions.

A million words run through his head. All the things he should say, the things he wants to say, dart to the tip of his tongue, but he bites down hard to keep them in.

You've said your piece and from what he's heard, you're not coming back. It's up to him now, to make this easier for you. He can either beg and plead and cry and make you feel like the bad guy, or, he can let you go.

He can watch you leave, once and for all, knowing he won't cause you any more pain.

A watery smile makes its way to his lips as Mingyu lifts his chin. His lips quiver terribly, stretching to accommodate a half-convincing smile.

"a broken vase, huh?" he trembles, blinking away tears, "I think I can see some of the cracks healing already"

Your heart clenches momentarily, unable to bear the sight in front of you. He's trying to be strong for you, trying to hold himself together so you won't have to see him crumble in the end.

As much as he deserves to feel this way, you can't bring yourself to leave. Not like this.

One last time, for the sake of the love you shared, you reach down and place your hand on his cheek, brushing your palm tenderly against his damp skin. Mingyu nuzzles into your touch pressing his skin to yours, committing how you feel to his memory.

His eyes flutter closed and his brows furrow, giving way to a single tear drop. It slips down his cheek, pooling under his jaw for a second before plopping softly onto the ground below.

"I would've loved you like they do in the movies," he says quietly, letting out a shuddery breath. "till my heart burst from abundance, till my breath stopped with time."

You can't help the tears welling up in your eyes, threatening to spill with his words. They blur your vision, setting the world in glass for a moment before you blink them away.

"I know," you whisper.

The heat radiating off his skin takes you back to that night, and you close your eyes. He was warm and soft and sturdy, his lips cradled yours with just enough desperation, his arms made you feel safe and secure... until they didn't.

For a few moments, you stay like this- caressing his cheek in silence-before re-gaining your footing. This isn't how things are supposed to go. You draw your hand back, watching as Mingyu's face chases after it with a look of pure despair, and you clear your throat.

He watches in horror as your lips move to say-

"goodbye, Mingyu."

But his ears ring so loud he can't even hear the words coming out of your mouth. The sharp metallic clanging in his head cuts off your voice, and his eyes widen.

These are you last words to him.

Your last words, and he can't hear them.

This is the last time you'll say his name, the last chance he'll get to burn your voice into his heart.

As you turn swiftly and head for the door, he scrambles towards you, reaching out to grasp whatever he can. Crawling, Mingyu manages to grab the edge of your trousers, gaining your attention. You gasp.

"what are y-"

"say- say my name one last time-" he pants, "please."

You sigh sadly, pulling out of his grip.

"I think we both know that it's best I don't"

And with that, you leave him a crumpled heap on the floor. Mingyu reaches out, grabbing the air as your footsteps fade to silence. With his arm outstretched and his head hung low, he looks like a renaissance painting- like an angel fallen from grace, clinging desperately to the Lord as he begs for forgiveness. The deeply etched creases in his forehead, the swollen red bags under his eyes, the uncontrollable tremors in his hands- they tell the tale of loss.

You move swiftly, not sparing him even a glance over your shoulder as you exit what once was your home for the last time. You feel your shoulders straighten, a heavy burden lifted with each step you take further away.

Walking out gives you a surge of confidence, something you haven't felt in a while, and you smile to yourself.

I think... this is how you heal.

As for Mingyu, healing seems far off. He'll go on to spend his days unable to look at another woman without thinking of the best he's ever had.

You.

[beatcroc]

something about perspective, representation, or finding beauty in imperfection, i don't know. i mostly just wanted to say that fake pep looks like shitty ice cream.

[joelscoffeee]

Need Abby anderson to tell me to shut the fuck up and sit down like yes ma’ammmm anything for youuuu

[black-and-yellow]

Oops! All Micnight

[pocketgalaxies]

i quite miss imogen temult and laudna nolastname

[retrotrait]

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