#his nine self would do anything to win. even sell himself out

[eorzeashan]

Feel free to ignore: What are the differences between ex8, 8, & 9 game play vs OC Lore regarding their relationships/feelings with the companions and main NPC? Base game? Whole game-timeline up to you. How do their views differ towards main companion like Kaliyo and NPC like D.Jadus, Watcher X, est.? Like ex8 would have a different relationship with D.Jadus (if any) compare to 8 & 9, and does she have “different” companions? (Unless I’m wrong to assume "first C9", and she’s just a “filler” OC).

OOh, a big and juicy ask! Sorry if this came a little late, I had to ruminate for a while. Buckle up, this might get long (and incoherent since I'm trying to answer this while feeling ill).

ex8 (Nosta):

Nosta's main difference lies in the fact that she's older than Orradiz and counts as a previous generation Cipher that has a closer working relationship to Keeper as a compatriot rather than a junior; this also makes her act more experienced and less open to the base story's companions as opposed to Eight, who doesn't have the luxury of being a superior officer. Though my headcanons for Keeper/Minister vary, something I noticed in the gameplay was that her and Keeper flirted right off the bat in Hutta, and the seductive side of the Female IA suits her quite well.

Compared to the "canon" F!Agent, she is far more hardline and cold, and it could be said that the personality of a DS F!Agent is more her facade--the stereotype of a beautiful Chiss that the Empire favors when the real woman behind that experiences a huge disdain for the cliche that many outsiders project onto the Chiss. Which is that of an always elegant, perfect, dignified and classy individual, hyperfeminine and hypersexual-- an image she has no fondness for, but finds use in because her real rougher nature is frightening and cruel to many who know her true self. Not even in a femme fatale way; there are no limits to the methods she knows, and she is known for using anything to her disposal. No life is off limits. No weapon out of her reach. She is very much like a cartel enforcer/hitman rather than a typical agent, and that is the knowledge she passed down to her student. She's also rather crass.

As a result, she probably overpowered Kaliyo with that "gangster" side in being more rough and older than her, as compared to the polite diplomacy the agent can afford. Vector is someone I considered having Nosta flirt with just to experience his romance, but given her status, she'd find him more of a method to get her rocks off than anything else. Her "canon" backstory implies she has a long romantic history with Aristocra Saganu, but that storyline didn't necessarily need to be told since the son she has with him is my friend's OC from the Nine timeline, so I often retcon it in Eight's timeline.

Nosta, compared to the gameplay, is supposed to not have met any of the base game comps and further on as I see the IA crew as purely attached to the new Nine's story, so I never gave much thought to her relationships with them-- she would have kept them at an exceptional distance and Doctor Lokin carries a similar view on both Eights at all times, and that is extreme wariness of the role they play as that Cipher designation, but TLDR the main difference lies in her closer ties to being an "oldie" of Intelligence with the history to back it up.

Her only companion has always been a young Orradiz; this remains true in both the Nine and Eight timelines, and a huge reason for why she has a complicated relationship with him where she denied herself the right to treat him like her own child, despite the fact that he kept her from succumbing to the loneliness of decades of isolation. She had him as a companion ever since he was a child to young adulthood.

As for her view on Watcher X and Jadus, I actually haven't finished her playthrough (oops) but she absolutely does not hold the same view on Jadus as her apprentice. She did, however, tell Orradiz that as agents they needed to see the bigger picture at all times and that their duty was to play the game right and win, so she had a huge part in laying the foundation for Eight's curiosity and acceptance of Jadus' status as an element outside of the system, since she taught him specifically to look for outliers and unknown elements that could influence the political stage of the galaxy in unexpected ways.

As a Chiss, she holds the same mild bias towards Force-users their society does, but she never lets emotions like that cloud her work and so would view Jadus as the kind of "prize" she would hunt as part of her oath to protect the Ascendancy from outside forces.

Watcher X....he is younger than her but befell a similar fate to Nosta when it was time to retire, so I imagine he monitored her career before and knew her in passing, though Nosta would find him to be a strange and fickle man as well as one that she would never associate with willingly (lol). I'm sure they had the kind of relationship where they scratched each other's backs for information through blackmail.

Eight (Orradiz)

Eight for the most part doesn't differ too much from the gameplay save for being far quieter and nonverbal (as well as toned down in boldness/confidence) in KOTXX, but in the class story he is very much the type of agent who takes risks, is unpredictable, and appears both savvy and dangerous on the surface to everyone around him. You could say Nosta's cruelty rubbed off on him, and this time is when he acts the most like her but with his own laidback charm. The agent replay tag tends to cover how he is during the story. Other major differences between the gameplay and his own lore is whether or not he actually experiences the Agent story for the same reasons as Nosta, as he is not Cipher Nine here. His overall vibe can be summed up to working class assassin, who treats killing both as his sacred duty and just another day at the office. As for the "duty" part, I'll have to get into that another time since we'd be here for hours and it deserves its own post.

His relationships with the class comps are also, fickle at best, but he is arguably close to them in his own way. His relationship with Vector becomes strained when he chooses to become Darth Jadus' Hand, though he holds no ill will towards Vector for having such a vehement reaction to his betrayal; they already had opposing opinions on his life of violence, and Vector often found himself unable to understand Eight's perspective of living in such a way as purely a weapon designed to kill and betray. Yet, contrary to Eight's belief that Vector no longer cared for him after the incident, Vector merely felt pity that Eight had resigned to isolating himself further and hopes that they can meet in the middle someday.

His relationship with Kaliyo is touch and go. Eight thinks that she's a test of whether an agent can handle and work with unsavory types such as her in preparation for becoming the next Keeper, but he is also used to working with people who don't like him/are abrasive, so his feelings on her are neutral. Kaliyo thinks he's weird and too quiet, but she knows just how deadly and dirtied he is, so it both earns her admiration and distance. They leave one another be. She's also unable to get a rise out of him, so she finds that part "boring".

Eight treats Raina like a younger sister, given her relationship to Saganu and the Chiss Ascendancy, both of which he owes. He's also just kind to younger and fresh recruits, which Raina is painfully so. Most of her hero worship wears off once she experiences for herself how eccentric and unorthodox Eight is, but that unintentionally brings them closer since she doesn't put him on a pedestal; the only time they experience strife in their relationship is the incident with her father, Cipher Three. Given Eight's role as the chief executioner for the majority of Ciphers and his view on what it means to kill one of them, they butted heads on her decision to kill her father, with Eight saying that pulling a trigger out of fear and the desire for vengeance was a shameful act that would dishonor her more than any past sin of her father. Of course, the game didn't let him say such a thing, but it did put a wrench in their relationship for a while, and as usual, Eight went back to being a loner while Raina didn't speak to him.

SCORPIO is an odd case. She and Eight found unexpected common ground in wishing to change and evolve into better, stronger versions of themselves to understand the world around them while feeling othered by it, and while Eight cared little for keeping her onboard against her will and experienced annoyance at her initial rudeness, they became close over time because of their shared loneliness and desire to be a person in their own definitions. The biggest deviation from canon came from KOTXX, half of what would've been skipped because of SCORPIO's closeness and understanding of his situation; it's my headcanon that Eight took her to Iokath early by himself and set her free. "Goodbye, SCORPIO." 'Goodbye, agent. I hope...you find the answer you seek, as I have.' were her last words to him before she went to sleep. Eight vehemently prevented anyone else from stepping foot on Iokath afterwards, having told SCORPIO to fill it with poison gas so no one could use her ever again. The Alliance was not happy with his decision to go completely rogue, as expected.

Lokin's relationship with him becomes begrudgingly fatherly, even though he experiences a hint of fear knowing this is not just any agent, but the one of whom killed many of your old comrades-- yet his initial wariness soon wears down to fond bewilderment because Eight is a curious soul who turns out not to be as scary as his reputation on his good days. Yet their shared parallel history puts them on more equal ground as twin survivors of a history painted with the blood of countless agents, so Lokin takes on less of a mentor role and more of a tired old grandpa who needs him to stop being so wild on every mission. It's a refreshing situation for him.

Nine (Orradiz)

Orradiz here is the most canon-compliant comparing the gameplay to the lore, with the only major difference between him and the game's mold for Cipher Nine being that he is kind of....a tsundere ice prince. Most of his Echani heritage is forgotten, and he relies on tech far more than his Eight self, as well as being infinitely more charming and well-spoken and much better with people, to the point of being friends with nearly everyone. (My friends often joked he was a Chiss in everything but appearance). As a result, he acts and is much weaker compared to Eight and is far more submissive to Sith, given his mindset that they cannot be defied and it's better to suffer under them than resist and die for nothing. Nosta is still Cipher Eight in his history here and plays the same role as his mentor, with the key difference being that Orradiz does not inherit her designation and becomes Nine instead even after her alleged retirement.

Vector is very close to him this time, with Nine having jumped into his arms on their reunion post-KOTXX and Vector having swung him around in joy. Like most agents, Nine was able to bond with him due to his caring nature amidst a lineup of other companions who appear to not.

Kaliyo, strangely enough, was who he relied on the most through his playthrough because he is the type who understands those who work for selfish means more than altruistic means, so he felt reassured having her at his back since he could predict her base nature easily and know what she wanted. In other words, he often traded sexual favors in return for her service, which in his eyes was more trustworthy than simply relying on someone without payment. They got along like a house on fire because he secretly enjoyed causing mayhem with her, though she was often trouble and gave him a headache more times than he could count.

He did not like SCORPIO at all and wanted to scrap her.

Lokin he had a fun relationship with because he liked the back and forth game of insinuating the ways they were going to betray or kill each other, since as previously stated, he lives in a world where there is no one with ulterior motives, so this was just another day for him. They grew quite close, with Nine calling him an old friend.

Raina......he feels awkward with since he initially treated her like his student, but for some reason she fell in love with him and tried to ask him out, to which he told her "I think you should talk about this with someone else". Ouch. Not sure how that happened on my end, since it didn't with Eight. They're not too far apart in age, but because Nine sees her as too young and impressionable, he had zero interest in dating her and found it alarming.

Nine's relationship with Theron and Lana is also irrevocably different, as this was my first and only Theronmancer; Nine fell in love with him during SoR, and it is Theron who manages to crack his cold persona and bring him home with him to the Republic. Infinitely different from Theron and Eight's platonic relationship of.....whatever they have going on. Nine is still Lana's underling in this timeline, but they're far more amicable to each other since he's used to her type of Sith and follows orders well. It should be noted that he was neither Outlander nor Commander in this timeline, and worked alongside Theron as heads of the Alliance's Intelligence division, with the Jedi Knight being the Commander.

His relationship with Jadus is nonexistent; like the typical neutral agent, he shares the same fear of Sith and force-users that abused officers have and practically hates him.

As for Watcher X, Nine chose to set him free in exchange for Intelligence secrets; the offer was too good to pass up and he was not taught to be a naive fool who trusted Intelligence to treat him kindly once his use was up. As always, his every step was a measure working towards his ultimate goal of winning the game of espionage.

[fandom-necromancer]

404 attraction not found

Had an idea in the shower. Had to write it. Enjoy!

Fandom: Detroit become human | Ship: Reed900

‘Oh man, I’m not into men usually, but I’d definitely be gay for that one’, Chris laughed, admiring the person on the screen of the superhero movie they were watching currently. It was Friday evening: movie night. ‘God, he’s so hot, imagine his ass out of uniform!’ Gavin lifted his brows, studying the character and still not really seeing what Chris meant. The man looked over to them and laughed. ‘Come on, can’t be the only one!’ ‘Sorry, I’ve got the hots for the villain once again. She’s just too powerful not to love.’ ‘And you?’, Chris asked and nudged Gavin with his elbow. ‘Hmm? Yeah, same. Dude’s hot’, he answered. ‘Now keep it in your pants, haven’t seen this one yet! Wanna know what happens next.’ ‘Alright’, Chris chuckled and leaned back. Gavin did see how Tina side-eyed him knowingly, but chose to ignore it, hoping she wouldn’t address the topic in a misguided attempt to help.

They continued watching the movie, eating snacks and talking about anything that came to their mind. Tina got increasingly clingy the more she had drunken and as it had long become dark outside, Gavin decided to leave, driving her home. He thanked Chris and waved him goodbye at the door of his car. Their drive was silent until they stopped at a red light. ‘I’m sorry Gavin’, Tina lulled touching his elbow gently. ‘Maybe if you told him-‘ ‘Tina, it doesn’t bother me, okay?’, Gavin told her, maybe a bit too harsh. ‘And I’m really not in the mood to explain it yet again and hear all the same phrases over and over again. I can’t even complain or get mad about them, they are well meant. Phck. I will just continue to say what I’m supposed to say and it’s done with. Path of least resistance, as always. The reward really doesn’t justify the effort, okay?’ ‘Alright!’, Tina nodded, giving him a shaky thumbs-up. ‘My lips are sealed.’ ‘Thank you.’ ‘And what’s with Nines?’

Gavin frowned and looked over at her. ‘What’s with Nines?’ ‘You two. Anything going on?’ ‘How many times do I have to tell you? We are friends, Tina.’ ‘Are you sure?’ She smiled at him. ‘I’d say the tin-can has the hots for you.’ Gavin groaned. ‘Come on. Who the hell would want me? And hell, even if it were like that, I’ll deal with it if it happens someday, okay?’ ‘You don’t want to do anything about it? Are you interested?’ ‘Tina. I barely know the guy. I mean, sure, we spend a lot of time together. But that’s it. It’s difficult. I’m can’t know it like you seeing the girl of your dreams and drooling over how hot her thighs or something. I like him, I enjoy spending time with him. I could imagine living with him. That’s all.’ ‘Booooring.’ ‘Tina, I’m not existing to entertain you.’ ‘Still you do most of the days.’ ‘Then maybe you have a shitty sense of humour.’

Tina laughed and sat up. ‘Alright, you win, okay? Just know that if you want a relationship you deserve it.’ ‘Yeah, the hell I deserve it!’, Gavin sighed exasperated, gripping the steering wheel tighter. But who’s the poor phcker that deserves this, he added as an afterthought.

-

‘Hey, Gavin?’ The Detective looked up from his terminal to Nines who was standing next to him placing a coffee on his table. ‘Yeah?’ ‘Are you free on Monday?’ Gavin frowned. ‘Yeah, I should be, why?’ ‘I’d like to invite you out. I discovered a really nice restaurant that serves android food. Thought we could try it out?’ Gavin shrugged, already back to his report. ‘Yeah, sure. Would love to.’ He missed the way Nines beamed at that answer. It might have given him the push to realise Monday was the 14th February. Valentine’s day.

He only realised that the Sunday before as he contemplated what to wear. He immediately called Tina: ‘T, red alert! Tomorrow is Valentine’s day.’ ‘Yeah, I know. What’s up?’ ‘Well, Nines invited me to a restaurant tomorrow.’ ‘Oh, that’s nice! I’m happy for you!’ ‘Yeah, well I’m not!’, Gavin returned. ‘Is that a date?’ ‘Maybe? Could be. What did he tell you?’ ‘He just said it was a fancy restaurant that sells android food he wanted to try out.’ Tina sighed. ‘I don’t know then. Could very well be a date. With the day and all.’ ‘God, what if he’s interested?’, Gavin asked. ‘Tina, I will ruin it. The guy will hate me.’ ‘Why should he?’ ‘Because I will have to tell him I’m basically not interested!’ ‘But you are right?’, Tina dug deeper. ‘Yeah, but until I’ve explained him in what way I’m interested, he will already be disappointed!’ ‘Gavin’, his friend spoke up, reminding him to keep calm. ‘You are overthinking. Nines is pretty direct. Maybe this isn’t a date at all. And if it is, you have no way of predicting his reaction. All I know is that Nines is a very patient being. You should go.’ ‘Of course I will go, Tina. Phck, just know that after this is over, I will need a new partner.’

-

The restaurant really looked nice from where Gavin was sitting in his car. It had a modern feeling but lots of dark wood had been used inside that made it comfy and bordering to a touch dowdy. He could see the android sitting at a table at the far corner by the windows and he was sure he had already recognised his car. Gavin shouldn’t stay inside for long, but he couldn’t really bring himself to exit either. ‘It’s just you two meeting at a restaurant Gavin. You had been to the movies already. You had met to watch the boats pass on the river, for phcks sake! This is just another one of those things you do together. Don’t think too much!’ He pushed himself up and exited the car, locking it and pulling his clothes in order. Then he walked over, entered and quickly made his way over to Nines’ table.

‘Hello Gavin!’, the android greeted him. ‘Nice to see you.’ ‘Hi’, Gavin answered, sitting down. ‘Yeah, you too.’ ‘You look nice.’ Gavin swallowed and looked at the android. He didn’t wear a suit, but a nice white shirt with a blue tie. He was thankful he had picked something more presentable than his usual attire: A blue short-sleeved shirt and light blue jeans. ‘Err… you too.’ Damn, he was repeating himself.

‘I’m really interested in how this android food works’, Nines changed topics then, handing Gavin a menu. ‘I know it’s all a combination of Thirium and compounds we can break down in our filtering systems. But Connor loves it, he told me it actually has taste, even if it’s mostly messing with our analysing programs to achieve that.’ Gavin nodded. ‘Yeah, sounds cool. I mean, eating is nice, I guess.’ ‘I don’t know if I will like it, to be honest’, Nines shrugged. ‘I mean, we don’t need to eat and to a large part it’s just complications to clean afterwards. But You can share a meal with someone and I guess that’s the whole appeal for human android couples.’

Gavin didn’t want to look at Nines as he said that and instead let his eyes wander over the other people in the restaurant. A large – if not all of them – were indeed human android couples spending Valentine’s day together. Laughing at each other’s jokes, eating and toasting to the other. It made Gavin even more uncomfortable though. A fact that Nines picked up on immediately, of course. But before he could speak up, a waiter came up to them and saved Gavin from the conversation. Both of them ordered and waited until the waiter had disappeared. Gavin had hoped the android had forgotten, but instead Nines spoke up: ‘You are nervous.’ ‘Yeah, no shit, tin-can. Well, not nervous, but…‘ ‘But?’

Gavin sighed and looked at the android, who was returning his stare completely neutral. ‘Nines, what is this? You invited me out to a fancy restaurant on Valentine’s day. It could be you just wanted to try the food, but I’m afraid there’s more to it.’ Nines pulled a grimace, blushing. ‘There’s no fooling you, is there?’ He added a smile afterwards, but Gavin’s face fell. ‘I wanted to wait until after dinner, but of course, we can discuss it now too.’ Gavin rubbed his face in frustration. ‘Phck.’ ‘Gavin? Everything alright?’ The man looked up, then blew his cheeks. ‘Yeah.’ He dropped his hands. ‘Yes, please, what did you wanted to tell me?’ ‘I really enjoy your company’, Nines begun. ‘I actually don’t want to miss any day we were together. You are a fascinating human being and I admire your way of thinking. Your humour is… cute in its own way. I just wanted to tell you that…’ The android huffed. ‘Well, I guess I’ve beaten around the bush for long enough. I love you, Gavin.’

There it was. Gavin’s dream and at the same time worst nightmare. He wanted to be happy about it, but if he was being honest with himself, he couldn’t quite feel anything but despair. ‘Phck’, he sighed. ‘Excuse me?’ ‘Nines, I… Thank you’, Gavin began. ‘I really appreciate it, but… I don’t feel like you do.’ The android swallowed. ‘Oh. Oh, err… that’s okay, it’s totally fine, I’m sorry I said anything. I-‘ ‘Nines, stop. I’m bad at this. I do love you. Romantically. I just can’t love you the same way you love me.’ Nines cocked his head inquisitively. ‘What do you mean?’ ‘Does the word asexual say you something?’, Gavin whispered, feeling self-conscious about telling Nines something so personal in a space so public. ‘I’m- It’s basically not feeling sexual attraction towards someone.’ He looked up at Nines, afraid to see his disappointment. But the android was just sitting there, listening. ‘I can’t… I know someone’s beautiful, okay? Like this restaurant is nice, you look amazing, something like that. But there’s no sexy-sensor, basically. I’m not going around the city, seeing people and think I’d tap that, you understand?’

Nines nodded thoughtfully. ‘I think so. So there’s no particular feature of a person’s body you find attractive?’ ‘No’, Gavin nodded. ‘I mean, with time something could develop, but at first glance? Nah.’ ‘I’m sorry if this is intruding now’, the android began. ‘But you do have one-night stands every now and then, have you not?’ Gavin sighed. There it was. ‘Yeah, I have. Because sex is great. It feels nice and some days you simply feel the urge. But none of the persons I hooked up with I found particularly hot. They were just… people.’ ‘So you do like sex.’ ‘Yes, for phck’s sake!’

His call had startled the waiter coming over with their food, but Gavin just leaned back embarrassed, as the plates were put down and they mumbled their thanks to the waiter. ‘You had this conversation before, right?’, Nines spoke up gently as soon as the man had left them. Gavin just sighed and nodded. ‘Yeah. I’m not out to many, mostly because explaining something like that to others can be complicated. And it isn’t really worth the effort.’ ‘Then I thank you for telling me. I’m sorry for the inconvenience. I’m just fascinated. I thought it was an universal experience.’ He took up his fork and looked at the blue food on his plate, testing consistency. ‘Does this… Does this change anything in regard to what I told you?’ Gavin looked up from his plate. ‘What? I mean I should rather ask if that changes something for you, to be honest.’ The android shook his head. ‘No. I still love you. I mean I… To be honest I would really like to… spend the night with you? But if you don’t want that that’s… okay.’

The human sighed. ‘Okay, just to make it clear: I consider sex to be a gesture towards my partner. Like watching a movie with them I don’t know but they enjoy. It feels good and knowing your partner feels it too is… it’s nice, okay. I’m not abstinent, I just don’t find anyone attractive. That’s it.’ Nines smiled then. ‘Well it doesn’t change anything for me then. I still love you and would like to… deepen our relationship if you feel the same.’ ‘I… I would very much like that too’, Gavin smiled, unable to keep eye-contact with the android. ‘If you accept me despite what I’m missing.’ ‘You’re not-‘ ‘I am’, Gavin interrupted. ‘But it’s not a disadvantage. But I am missing something others have and that’s okay and I want to know you accept that.’ Nines blinked surprised. ‘Yes. Yes, I accept that.’

Gavin’s shoulders untensed and he finally took his first bite from the plate. The food was indeed amazing. ‘Then I’m sorry I made your date so awkward’, he chuckled. ‘Please, could you repeat what you’ve said?’ ‘What part? ‘The “I love you” part.’ Nines straightened his back and nodded. ‘I enjoy your company. You are fascinating and funny and intelligent. I wanted to tell you for a long time now. I love you, Gavin.’ Gavin smiled and took Nines’ hand in his. ‘I love you too.’

[mountphoenixrp]

We have a returning citizen in Mount Phoenix:

                     Lucas Walker, who is known by no other name;                                      a 30 year old son of Lei King.                                         He is a fighter at The Pits                                  and bartender at Visión / Ilusión.

FC NAME/GROUP: Christian Yu/DPR/Ex C-Clown CHARACTER NAME: Lucas Walker AGE/DATE OF BIRTH: September 6, 1990 | 30 PLACE OF BIRTH: Central, Hong Kong | Sydney, Australia OCCUPATION: Fighter at the Pits and Bartender at Vision HEIGHT: 5'10" | 176cm WEIGHT: 165lbs | 75kg DEFINING FEATURES: He has a large amount of tattoos, his most prominent being his full sleeve on his left arm that leads to a floral piece on his chest and shoulder blade. On the inside of his left bicep is the date 12.12.19 which is the birthdate of his daughter Jasmine. He has a few other small tattoos scattered on his body. His nose is pierced, on the left side and his septum is pierced along with doubles in both his ears.

PERSONALITY: Lucas was exposed to the worst things the world has to offer a child at a very young age. Leaving him a tough exterior and an injured idea of self-worth. He was forced to grow up very quickly and at a young age. Outside he portrays this “pissed at the world”, harsh, unpredictable, man but inside he’s just scarred and bruised from so many things that are always out of his control. His skin is tough but his heart is big, warm, and ready to love. The birth of his daughter kinda snapped him into reality and removed him from the land of self pity and dropped him right in the middle of acting like a responsible adult. He’s still getting the hang of this whole fatherhood thing, trying to act less reckless and uncaged so that he can be there for his daughter.

HISTORY: tw: death, loss, gang violence, gun violence, physical violence, torture, ptsd

Lucas was born in Hong Kong on September 6th, 1990. He was born to a very young woman who was barely 18 and couldn’t even afford to take care of herself let alone a baby. She left him outside of her local hospital after having him secretly at home. There was nothing the staff could do except take him in, take care of him and hand him over to the local orphanage. At six months old, he was adopted by a sweet couple from Sydney, Australia. He lived with them happily until he was eight years old when they were killed in a home invasion, the suspects left him there terrified at what he had witnessed. He was found by his aunt, his mother’s sister and the police left him in her care. Once everything was said and done, Lucas’ aunt was given custody of him and the perpetrators were still at large after almost a year of searching. After this, his aunt became his whole world, a young woman at only 24 now taking care of a nine year old boy full time. The two were each other’s rocks during the entire healing process.

Both sets of his grandparents tried suing for custody of him but, in the end his aunt won out as the best place for him. She didn’t live far from his parents so he didn’t have to change schools or make new friends. His aunt’s friends always questioned why she was willing to take in a primary school aged kid at such a young age but, the two were best friends even before his parent’s murder. She couldn’t imagine anyone else taking care of him or raising him.

As a child, Lucas was quiet and usually kept to himself. Not because he didn’t want to interact with other kids but, because he just enjoyed his alone time. He was quiet in school but insanely smart, yet when teachers tried putting him into more advanced classes he chose to stay with his same age classmates. His aunt Gabrielle tried to get him into sports, music, and the arts but no. He just liked to read on his own, spending time off in his own little world or playing outside in the woods behind their house by himself. Around his tenth birthday things began to go downhill for the dynamic duo. Gabrielle lost her job as the lead secretary of a law firm and she ended up stuck waiting tables at a local 24 hour diner - from 7pm to 4am.

Gabrielle did everything she could to give Lucas the life she felt he deserved after that, doing they best they could when they had to downsize into a small one bedroom apartment and her working more hours to keep food on the table. It was so bad, Gabrielle ended up having to take on a second job after her parents refused to help her saying “she got herself into his mess on her own, she had to get her and the kid out of this mess on her own.” Lucas felt awful watching his aunt struggle to make ends meet and he tried everything he could to help out at home. He kept the apartment clean, babysat their neighbor’s kids, walked dogs, mowed yards, sold newspapers, and just about anything he could as an eleven year old in the rough part of the city they lived in. The only thing he didn’t do was fall in with the gangs that promised to help him and his aunt if he joined up with them…

Eventually by the time was 13 almost 14, doing odd jobs just wasn’t cutting it anymore for him and his aunt wouldn’t let him get a “real job” because it was her responsibility has his guardian to provide for him or whatever. He didn’t understand the pride she held about the subject so he went around her. He started selling homework and test answers at school, stealing petty things and selling them to his classmates for inflated prices, and he even learned how to give stick n poke tattoos for a price. Lucas wasn’t a stupid kid, he just worked with the resources he had. This line of work he got himself into at school eventually lead to him making friends with a couple other kids that belonged to the gang that lived on his block.

Inevitably those friendships lead to him joining the ranks and getting him paid to do things that would probably lead to his aunt murdering him on sight for being an utter imbecile. He was smart though and knew how to get out of things that would get him in over his head. However, by the time he was 16 this group of “friends” are what caused him to discover one of his divine abilities. At first Lucas always just thought that his high pain tolerance was just a cool thing about him, he could get hit and keep going, stub his toe and not feel a thing, get shoulder checked and only stumble without wincing. It wasn’t until he got stabbed for the first time at 16 that he had a realization that what he could do wasn’t normal. He got stitched up and moved right along his day and the gang leader decided to use this to his advantage. Lucas was recruited to the fighting ring, when he got found out.

He didn’t want to do it but, he’d make good money at the underground fighting ring. So he fought, and he did a damn good job at it too. Especially once he found out he could make his opponents keel over in pain that wasn’t physical. Lucas had no idea how he did it or why he could do it but, at this point he was just doing whatever her could to win because if he won he got paid and if he lost he’d get killed. Since beating him up wasn’t an option. Gabrielle was already suspicious of him when he started getting piercings, dying his hair, then getting tattoos but the real cherry on top of her anger was him pulling up to their apartment complex on a second hand motorcycle her got from a fight bet. His aunt went off on him that night and he had no other choice but to come clean about everything. However, he wasn’t the only one with a bombshell to drop…

His aunt admitted that she found his original adoption records when he was younger after the transfer of guardianship was complete and she needed all his documents. Apparently his birth-mother never listed a father on his birth certificate but his birth-father did contact his parents after his adoption. Leaving a letter to give to him when he either turned 18 or “got in trouble”. She’d read it out of curiosity and refused to believe the contents. It sounded crazy to her that his father was some old Chinese god, she only assumed he was on drugs or something and was delusional. Until Lucas admitted to what he could do and even showed her… Those things are just not possible for anyone human.

There was a return address in the letter, somewhere he’d never heard of but he responded anyways. Hoping to get some more guidance or some closure perhaps. Surprisingly, Lucas didn’t freak out with the news. Perhaps in the back of his mind he always had an inkling that he wasn’t the same as everyone else… like he was inhuman. He never received another letter from Lei King but he did receive a map that had a hand drawn picture of an island off the coast of Korea circled. He put the map away and chose to come back to it later.

When he was 18 his world crumbled underneath his feet. The underground fighting ring he was now the star of got busted by the police. The silver lining was that he was found not guilty by the jury of his peers. His defense attorney did well at convincing them that he only did what he did to survive and that he was coerced at a young age by the gang leader. He and many other members of the gang that were manipulated as kids came forward against the leader, landing him in prison for the rest of his life. Lucas didn’t know what to do with this new found freedom other than finish school. Once he was fully graduated he tried to figure out what to do with his life, he didn’t have many skills outside of crime and he honestly hadn’t planned on either being alive by now or not in prison himself. His aunt tried to convince him to go to university but he didn’t want to do that, there wasn’t anything he wanted to get a degree in that he cared about.

Instead, he chose to leave. He left Sydney and went as far as he could, landing him in New York City. He had enough money put away to get him a small apartment there to set up as a “base camp” of sorts. From there he began traveling all over the world, picking up photography and a pursuit of knowledge. On his travels, he met an interesting group of people. Shady people that reminded him very much of his old gang. They were in Scotland when he met them, and they were nice enough so he traveled with them a bit. One night, the “leader” got a bit too drunk and began to spill some secrets, secrets that Lucas just couldn’t stomach.

You see, this group he stumbled upon were the same people that murdered his adopted parents right in from of his eyes as a child - and they were proud of it. When the cocky leader spilled the beans while intoxicated, Lucas steeled himself and held onto that information like a lifeline. He integrated himself with these people slowly, over a few weeks while back packing around Scotland with them. Eventually, Lucas found the perfect time to strike. One night when they were all camping together, Lucas waited until they were all asleep and started them all awake with a gunshot. Over the entirety of the night, Lucas tied up the group, beat them all with only his bare fists, and tortured all of them mentally until they admitted to remembering him as a child. When all was said and done, the group was left mentally broken, unable to properly function as people. He cleaned up his things, called for help, told the police of their crimes and got the hell out of there and out of the country.

After that he went back to New York, cleaned out his apartment and headed back to Sydney. The things he’d just done changed him inside, a dark spot on his soul seemed to only grow bigger. He never told his aunt what he did, or why he was so broken when he finally came home. He hadn’t been home in almost six years and now here he was showing up on her door step, a broken and traumatized man. While he was away his aunt got married to a beautiful and kind woman named Erica. Lucas apologized immensely for missing the wedding, he was in Mongolia at the time he got the invitation and couldn’t get out of the mountains until after the event passed. They were understanding and easily took him into their arms and comforted him.

Now, at 27 years old with no idea what else to do with his life. He started going to therapy but even he didn’t know where to begin to heal from everything that had been nonstop traumatizing in his life. He started working as a bartender to pass the time and make a bit of extra cash, working as a photographer, and doing legal fights here and there. He’s eased into a pretty calm time of his life where he’d finally started to heal. Then to top it all off, he fell in love. It was a passionate and all encompassing kind of love, the kind where they were actively planning their future together, ready to be in it for the long hall. Less than a year together and they were married, it was the happiest they had ever been in their lives. She was an old friend of his and they’d known each other their wholes lives practically. Once they got closer while working together and the bar they both bartended at, that was it. They were head over heels.

They were happily married for almost a year when his wife got pregnant with their little girl in 2018. It was a huge accomplishment for the two of them, going from being the worst examples of humanity as teens to happily married and starting a family together. They were beyond overjoyed and Luke was more than excited to become a father. However, nothing could have prepared them for the struggle his wife would go through while pregnant. Her health continued to decline as the pregnancy went on but, she refused to end it and save herself. Luke begged her to not go through with it, the doctor’s told her she probably wouldn’t survive but she decided to chose her baby over her own health. In the end, on December 12th, 2019 Jasmine Elaina Walker was born, perfectly healthy. As happy as Luke was to hold his baby girl in his arms, nothing prepared him for holding his wife’s hand as she slowly passed away…

It was hard. Hard to act like he wasn’t dying inside everyday because his wife was gone, all while taking care of a newborn and trying not to have a full on breakdown. His aunts were his backbone the first few months as he got back on his feet. His wife’s family was practically nonexistent, leaving him and his aunts alone to raise a baby on their own.

Luke has a very high pain tolerance but the pain of losing his wife was not something his divine abilities could help him with this time…

The first six months of Jasmine’s life was rough, Luke was dealing with both the grief of losing the love of his life while doing everything he could to be there for Jasmine. On the days he just didn’t want to get out of bed, when all he wanted to do was cry, Jasmine was there - always needing her father so he had no time to wallow in his misery. He had to get up, had to get dressed, had to shower, had to function. He had to go to work to keep her fed, to keep buying her diapers, to keep a roof over her head, and to keep her happy and healthy. Of course, his aunts helped out all they could and he couldn’t possibly explain how thankful he is for them. After Jasmine’s first birthday he was cleaning house and he found the map given to him by Lei King when he was a teenager, he did some research and found nothing until he one day got a letter from Hera who was supposedly on the City Council of this island he was skeptical even existed. She spoke to him and told him all about the city just for gods and other demigods like him.

Suddenly, Lucas go this overwhelming desire to go there. He needed to get away from Sydney, he needed to get them out of the house that he bought with his late wife. They needed a fresh start and this island seemed like a good place to give that a try. His aunts were worried about him leaving but, understood why he needed to go and why he needed to get away. They were worried about him obviously but, he got child care set up with Hera before he even moved. Having a barely one year old and becoming a full time single parent scared him but, he knew he could do it. By moving to this new city and finding new people to surround himself with, new places to explore, and new experiences to be had with his little girl. He was both terrified and excited to see what was in store with them on this fancy hidden island.

PANTHEON: Chinese CHILD OF:  Lei King POWERS: He has extremely high pain tolerance and can induce psychogenic pain in others. He also has the ability to call upon the sound of thunder at will. STRENGTHS: Intelligent, Adventurous, Creative WEAKNESSES: Impulsive, Stubborn, Reckless

[wormonastringg]

the newsie trading card bios because they are valid and make me :,) and i need to share them

Les. At age 10 (almost!) he is the youngest of the newsies. Despite his youth, this kid knows how to sell a pape! Looks up to his big brother Davey and would do anything to help Jack and the newsies win their strike.

Davey. Davey’s parents are struggling with money so he and his brother sell papers to help support the family. At first he is timid around the other newsies, but eventually comes out of his shell and finds a place of belonging among them.

Mush. Considers himself Jack’s muscle and confidant. Came to the group missing front teeth, giving him a slight speech impediment and his nickname. Lives in Harlem and plans on eventually opening the most happening juke joint in all of New York!

Specs. One of the more easygoing newsies. Does what he is told and happy to do it because he loves selling papes! Biggest dream is to help all the visually-impaired newsies by inventing an alternative to glasses.

Oscar Delancey. A New York City native who is proud of sharing a name with the famous Delancey Street. Considers himself the “brains” of the Delanceys’ operations and leaves most of the dirty work to his brother, Morris.

Sniper. Sneaky and self-sufficient son of Sam Wah, who owns the laundry above Jacobi’s Deli. Named for his incredible aim, he is the quickest and strongest of the newsies, who revere him – and stay out of his way!

Elmer. Youngest of nine Polish children. Loves to crack jokes, especially at his own expense. A whiz at math, he runs a dice game and helps the newsies balance their books. Also plays a mean set of spoons!

Katherine. An energetic and gifted writer. Although born into the upper class, she is determined to establish herself as a serious reporter. The newsboys’ strike may just be the chance she needs to start her career!

Race. Racetrack Higgins is a veteran at the Newsboys’ Lodging House. Having lived there most of his orphaned life, he is never spotted without his cigar and is always cracking jokes.

Buttons. Benjamin Davenport got his nickname after losing all of his vest buttons while selling newspapers. He’s quick with a sewing kit and has a desire for playing and dancing with food utensils (spoons, to be exact).

Morris Delancey. Born in SoHo and worked on the family farm. Abandoned by his parents, believes in survival of the fittest and sticks like glue to his brother, Oscar. They work with their Uncle Wiesel, keeping order at the distribution window of The World.

Crutchie. The ultimate optimist. The crippling effects of polio have left him with a bum leg but you won’t find him looking for sympathy. A tough little guy, he’s always got a wisecrack and a smile.

Jo Jo. Raised by nuns in a Harlem cathedral. Full given name: Jorgelino Josephino De La Guerra. Despite his sunny disposition, he is quite mischievous and strives to be the richest newsie in town.

Finch. Patrick “Finch” Cortes resides with his fellow newsies after running away from home at a young age. With his trusty slingshot, loves to perfect his sharpshooting with small objects along Bottle Alley. Driven, but also loves a good laugh and drink at Jacobi’s.

Henry. Became a newsie at age 11, having to leave the family-owned deli after his father died. His love of food makes him something of an epicure amongst his fellow newsies.

Spot Conlon. Rumor has it he once beats up a group of boys on the Steeplechase Ride while it was in motion. The leader of the Brooklyn newsies, he’s got the brains and the brawn and is the only one who can stand up to the famous Jack Kelly.

Romeo. The flirt of the newsies, he’s always hitting on the ladies. Though his charm and smooth-talking doesn’t always work, it don’t stop him from trying!

Albert. Albert DaSilva lives with his father and two older brothers on the Lower East Side. Started selling papes to help his family after his mother died. A prankster who can often be caught stealing cigars from his fellow newsies.

Jack Kelly. A charismatic and natural-born leader. Cares deeply for his fellow newsies, even if it means letting go of his own dreams of traveling west. A gifted artist, he frequently paints backdrops for Miss Medda Larkin’s theater.

i love them all so much and a lot of these r so 🥺🥺

[hoochy-coo]

But Pusha T didn't "expose" anything about Drake's character besides the fact that he was shielding his child from the media (and for good reason it turns out, if you were paying attention the night he actually did reveal the kid). And besides the kid himself, Story of Adidon said nothing that hadn't been said before from other bitter Drake haters for over four to nine years then (Drake doesn't write his raps, he lies about his hometown, he's corny, blah blah). It's a manifesto for everybody mad they have to watch Drake cast a shadow over their career, their favorite rapper, whatever

Duppy was the better diss imo

Imo Duppy is the better SONG (flows better, easier to listen to, clever subliminal, longer in length), but The Story of Adidon (to the point, addressed the facts, vicious and personal diss that are heavy hitters) remains the better DISS. No one remembers anything that Drake had to say on that song after Pusha T dropped his diss. Not to mention, Duppy spent the majority of the song aiming at Kanye and not even Pusha. 

Even if he didn’t “expose” Drake, he raised question marks over his character, intentions, and integrity as a father and as a rapper. It’s true that the baby (and Sophie) rumour was already brewing in the media prior to ‘The Story of Adidon’ but Pusha basically confirmed it and with all these additional details. Firstly, those details are tied to the Adidas roll-out that was supposed to double as the announcement of his son. Secondly, that fucked up the money for Drake because it ruined the whole campaign/marketing. Pusha T knew that if he named the diss after the brand (Adonis) then every time someone googled it, the first picture that would pop up would forever be that pic of Drake doing black face and the song. Hence, Drake had to scrap the whole thing and go back to the drawing board. Thirdly, it planted this idea that Drake was literally going to use his son to sell shoes lmao. And like I said, the diss isn’t FOR the masses, it was for Drake. I think this really speaks to the difference in the generation both of these men come from. Drake was taking shots to make the public aware of Pusha’s shady past (Was he even that involved in the drug dealing? When was the last time Pusha had a hit? He don’t have money like that, etc.) but Pusha was taking shots to maim Drake’s inner psyche. It was pretty telling that he used that ‘Story of OJ’ beat and dissected Drake’s issue with self-identification and his disconnect from the black community. Pusha was able to correctly identify his enemy’s biggest insecurities while Drake couldn’t (Pusha knows he’s not a rap superstar, he knows he’s not as rich as Drake is): fear of being a deadbeat dad (which like you said, he had his own valid reasons but Pusha is simply rubbing salt in the wound by suggesting that Drake’s fatherhood parallels his own father’s) and him not being considered ‘black excellence.’ 

I still insist that Pusha did actually expose Drake for his own hypocrisy over his view on women. Drake has no problem chasing or bedding women of ‘ill repute’ (which he consistently shades or criticizes in his music) and ended up having a child with one, THEN trying to hide her from the public and clean her up so it better fits his image. Also, like I said, the lack of response from Drake speaks to his credentials as an MC. Meek basically handed him his win, but Pusha wasn’t trying to beat him with a song, he was prepared to do what battle rappers do and go round by round (surgical summer vol. 1 lmao). Drake knew he couldn’t win in that arena and did a whole press tour explaining himself lmao 

[borisbubbles]

17. CZECH REPUBLIC

Benny Christo - “Kemama”

So first off, thank you for the nice commens. 😇The past few months haven’t been the happiest time for me, so thank you for your patience as I scraped my bearings together for another post! 😁

So I will now extend that same sympathy to Benny Christo, whom I think I damn fucking underrated. Let’s jump in~

ENTRY ANALYSIS

As one may expect i INSTANTLY liked “Kemama” because you know, it’s a fun, laid-back, tropical afro-breeze, completely different from anything else we would see in NFs and the year. EXACTLY the type of song I was hoping the Czech NF would deliver (and deliver they did, see NF Corner). This level of mild like swung into strong unironic like upon realizing that the title is a contraction of “Okay Mother” 😍 and the song deals with the subject of overcoming racially-tinged discrimination and rising above the hate. That just feels very poetic and apt? “Kemama” felt like the entry that had to overcome the highest odds in order to earn the respect it so fully deserves, and still hasn’t fully reached it.

.In our Western European bubble, comprised mostly of gays and left-liberal straights, we have a very grateful and universal acceptance of many different kinds of [lizard] people that make up Eurovision casts. Yet with “Kemama” we may have reached  an unusually grimy undercurrent of coded racism. 

Of course nothing I read was outrageously rancid, than Cod for that. The worst statement I read was a double-whammy of “EWW THIS ISN’T CARIBBEANVISION” and “WHY WOULD SOMEONE FROM *KENYA* WANT TO REP CZECHIA IN EUROVISION?”, and yes they first got the continent wrong and then *also* got the country wrong in the follow-up post and then they were torn limb from limb by a pack of aformentioned left-liberals. I’m sorry but i can’t not have any other response than laughter in the face of yet another fucking MORON faceplanting themselves with words like a... racist JK Rowling if you will?

Still, while I never read something outright vile about Benny doesn’t mean I found his deniers really annoying and they were! Think “Ew Solovey is ‘Too Aggressive’ it will NEVER DO WELL IN ESC”, a statement that isn’t coded nor racist (and yet extremely false and misguided), functioned as a similar idea by the same minds. A statement borne from the same breed of narrow-minded stubbornness which has caused elitist morons to be all “there is **SOMETHING** about “Kemama” i do *NOT* like and I cannot lay my finger on it... but I **DO NOT** like it at ALL. It won’t ever qualify because everyone will think the same way I do” -- Eurovision snobs, tiptoeing around racial coda in January 2020.

 They would also insist that Benny was “arrogant” because he was seemingly impervious to their (de)constructive criticism. Like, if you were a biracial butterfly living in a slavic country who had to deal with statements such as the above on a regular basis, you WOULD block out the noise. And if you heard them often enough you will start to block them out pre-emptively. DO YOU NOT KNOW HOW COPING MECHANISMS WORK?? (oh wait you’re white-privileged. Nevermind 🙄)

 So naturally, when Benny decided that he would revamp “Okay Mother” by adding in MORE African elements it only made me love him even more lol. 😍 Was it a bull-headed, contrarian and possibly really stupid decision? Yes, yes and absolutely yes. Was it worth it? Well he managed to incite even more meltdowns in a group of people I feel nothing but contempt for, so hell yeah? Eurovision was cancelled anyway so who cares how much ‘worse’ “Kemama” actually got. 

Okay, so we’ve arrived at the revamp.

Granted, it wasn’t the best ‘vamp, I’d be a fool to deny it. The new elements threw a wrench in the melodic balance of the song. Out went tropical laid-back fun, IN went that fucking guitar oh my god this is some Hotel FM piano levels of overbearing I swear. (nb: this still didn’t stop me from ironically stanning Hotel FM’s lame asses anyway 😍). However, it made the personal backstory that I loved and savoured take a backseat to the now inferior composition. 😭

Regardless, New Kemama was fundamentally the same song, and I fundamentally liked Old Kemama, so whatevs, it made no different to me. In the eyes of many Eurovision diehards we were experiencing WORST PRESHOW SEASON EVER (after three songs... lol) and nothing clinches this brainworm more than a revamp announcement. “OH MY GOD HE WILL RUIN IT! I CAN GUARANTEE YOU I *WON’T* LIKE IT”. Self-fulfilling prophecies, ya know? It certainly didn’t help when the official channel accidentally uploaded a vid with broken soundmixing (‘OMG HORRIBLE LAST IN THE SEMI!!!!’ calm the ever-loving HELL down) and took another FULL WEEK to upload the correct vid. The damage had already been done. Typing "SEE I TOLD YOU THE REVAMP WOULD BE SHITE HA HA HA” in the Kemama comment box really just is the ESC equivalent of reponding with “Actually, *all* lives matter :smug:” to a BLM support pamphlet, isn’t it?

NF CORNER

While not my favourite NF of the bunch, I found the Czech NF to be lowkey epic. Not epic enough to remember its name but regardless Czechvision or whatever marked the end of an era because it was also the last selection spearheaded by Jan Bors :o

I think I’ve made it clear enough in the past that I’m somewhat mixed on Bors Era Czechia - Lake Malawi were a toetapping good, Ickolas was a pockmarked, skin-crawling evil and the other three inhibit a purgatory somewhere between “moderately nice” and “moderate timewaste.”

Still, I have great respect for the man who orchestrated Czech’s comeback after scoring NINE POINTS TOTAL across three years with the mindset of “So what? Why says we can’t win?” so ofc I was all into the idea of the “EIGHT INDIE ANGELS, HAND-PICKED BY BORS HIMSELF” NF that would serve as his swan song.

Naturally things went down the drain the second Bors left, with one of the eight peacing and his successor cancelling the live broadcast (does anyone remember what exactly happened? I vaguely recall one was the cause of the other but lol it’s July can’t be bothered to factscheck (Factsczeck?) anymore, bitches.

Anyway, ON TO THE GOOD STUFF, and yes, there was plenty.

We All Poop - “ All the Blood (Positive Song Actually)”

Yes, as you can imagine I ofc IMMEDIATELY fell into like when I saw that chyron and invisioned the inevitability of the Czech Rep’s Rep immediately alienating every parent just based on their name alone <3 😍 w/e WAP quickly became that “Good but not great” song you find in every NF that everyone gushes over because it’s the whitest option available. Like, yes, “All the blood” is good, but musically it’s identical to Green Day and Twenty-One Pilots and god name ANY 90s-early00′s American Punk Rock band. For me the enjoyment came from the fact that WAP were openly crazy vegan fundamentalists and the VC clip actively condemns the use ANY animal protein by replacing the cattle and game with LITERAL HUMAN BEINGS. 😍 :fusedmarcintensifies: :kasiamosage:

Pam Rabbit - “Get up”

Ohhhh YES a glorious experimental Synth-Trap song only I could love and ofc I did. God what is there even to say; the provocative darkness of the verses combined with the swirling amorphousness of the chorus gives me LIFE. LUFF THIS SHIT <3333 Ftr, this was also the fave of Slovene Juror duo / synth angels / Boris faves ZALAGASPER, further proving their pathetic naysayers that they own all things music and the haters can suck a series of-

Barbora Mochowa - “White and Black Holes“

Lol, yes even with a “Get up” existing, there was a song I liked even more. Barbora proved a very competent Lana del Gay last year, but I was a YUGE fan of this year’s... Kate Bush-Björk blend of ethereal awesome. It is so soothingly beautiful and the rare example of a song that I find completely free of flaws. Were the competition not such a hard place, I’d be pissed she didnt win (at least she won the jury vote MASSIVE KUDOS to every alum on that) but w/e this selection had opions and I’m rather robbed of a “Kemama” than I am of a BRILLIANT IRREPLICABLE AETHERBALLAD. ~Danse balance sûr les white and black holes~

Elis Mraz & Cis T - “Wanna be like”

I *VERY* strongly felt that if the Czech Republic wanted to win ESC, they should have picked Elis and even now I STILL believe she could have won. That isn’t to say I gushed over “Wanna be like” because I find it kind of annoying lol. Yes, I LOVE an annoying female voice (:Tones&Icackle:) but Elis’s reaches a Camilla Cabello sort of place for me (good lord get Senorita OFF the fucking radio) and the Scat + White Guy Rapping middle-eight. 😬. However, the second I opened up the video clip for this paragraph and was immediately BLASTED by Elis murdering a ukelele and wearing a  “schoolgirl” outfit straight from a Japanese tentacle porn movie and OH MY GOD THE AGGRESSIVE TWERKING made me reconsider that hey, this min-sized Meghan Traynor actually kinda highkey owns, yo!  Yet, I’m not at all bothered we lost her in the Czech NF because we got UNO DOS QUATRO CINCO SEIS :fatmansplit: fill up the megameme slot instead, so...

Eurovision 2020 vs Eurovision 2021

BENNY RUINED HIS SONG AND NEVER WOULD HAVE QUALIFIED. jk I’m not a moron. Sure, “Kemama” wasn’t an easy sell because you know AFROBEAT in a contest where half of the people watching are fash (ie: all of Eastern Europe, who watch out of ~Nationalistic Sentiment~ 😬), but there are Kemama live renditions out there and he owns them SO hard lol. A few soundmixing issues really would not have stopped Benny from qualifying in that RIDICULOUSLY WEAKSAUCE SEMIFINAL are you fucking kidding me. He probably would’ve bombed in the Grand Final, but I mean it’s Czech and it’s not Ickolas so ofc it would have.

And Czech renewed him for 2021 regardless of the sceptics, woohoo! I think part of it was due the Czech not wanting to re-organize an ENTIRE NF from scratch without Jan Bors, but probably also because Benny owns live when he isn’t engaged in psychological trench warfare with actual human detritus <3 and also because the Czech fucking CARE about their artists and don’t drop them like a sack of rotten potatoes wtfshitprus.

Can’t wait for the moment when he qualifies and Efendi does not, etc, etc. 

FREAKY! FRIDAY! FACTOR!

I’d say that the core around which the Ben Drama spun was pretty standard fare: niche fave beats out the concensus fave, meltdowns ensue, people convince themselves it was the WRONG decision because it wasn the result they wanted, try to disown the song and make a fool of themselves because the song slaps, sorry. Even the revamp drama felt more of less generic for me, because yawn fantards melting down over a revamp of a song they don’t even like what else is new.  

However, what I do take away that the revamp was ENTIRELY Benny’s idea which he told no one about (cue to JAN BORS having a social media meltdown like he’s Caesar at the Ides of March 💔) added MORE afrobeat just to troll his haters even more <3  God, I’d say it was bad from a musical perspective but this level of in-your-face defiance is fucking iconic and hilarious, sorry. This entire this year is so batshit bonkers that the concept of a someone potentially shooting themselves in the foot and “torpedo’ing” their qualification chances  (not rly, he would’ve Q’d anyway lol) JUST to take the moral high ground in a racially coded argument only HE took seriously may not even be the craziest concept in the year! (lol it definitely isn’t. Look at the pics I haven’t greyed out yet)

This and more yield Benny some well-earned Senheads! Yay!! 

Score: 3 Senhits out of 5.

[missn11]

Alright, you ready for this? Taika: 📔🌸 Oswald: 🔥📀 Gloria: 💛🌳

@nessynoname aw thanks for the ask about my vtmb babies! 😍 btw this is going to be a long boi! XD

Taika: 📙 What kind of subjects (of conversation, of discussion, in school or whatever) does your OC find interesting or engaging or that they can talk for hours about? What kind of stuff do they just find fun?What things bore your OC to tears and they couldn’t care less about? Why?

Taika of course finds magic and the occult super interesting even before she became a Tremere, her parents were New Age and very superstitious so they had a ton of occult or witchy spellbooks around the house and their interest rubbed off on her. 

Although if she’s in unfamiliar company she’ll downplay her interest to something that doesn’t sound too crazy but with her closest friends especially ones that are witches themselves she will nerd out for hours! One of the things she loves about being a vampire is that she gets to learn and discuss magic without looking nuts!

She also likes to discuss politics, even more so as a vampire.  

Looking up spells, occult lore, or urban legend conspiracies in either books or the internet is something that Taika loves to do, especially on a lazy Saturday or Sunday. She also loves to go out dancing and always goes out to the nearest nightclub when going on a date.

Do not ever take Taika to a sports game, she’ll get bored to tears and hates the food they serve at sports stadiums (she was a food snob XD) another thing she likes about being a vampire, no-one expects her to got to a sport’s game! lol 

🌸What does your OC’s voice sound like? Their laugh? Are they good at singing? Do they have an accent? 

Taika has spent a lot of time perfecting her laugh to be pleasing to other people’s ears, she used to snort while laughing but not so much anymore (although there are times the snorting does slip in and that was when she was in LaCroix’s company when he managed to make her laugh and he found that rather endearing.) 

Taika does have a lovely singing voice, though not of the chart-topping superstar level of singing ability but certainly lovely enough to win some karaoke competition. :D

Her family moving to the US from Finland when she was eight years old, Taika’s native Finland accent got her made fun a lot by the other kids at school and yelled at by adults to speak better English when they couldn’t understand her very well. Again this was something she worked hard to ‘correct’ and now there’s barely any trace of her old accent and she sounds like a regular West Coast American. 

Oswald: 🔥Give us a list of general likes and dislikes, such as colours, textures, music, weather and other stuff!

Oswald is fond of warm colours such as yellow, orange and red, colours of the sunset, really. He really doesn’t care browns, especially if they aren’t warm browns. 

Even though he couldn’t always afford it, he enjoys the silk fabric men’s shirt (especially if they have an elaborate pattern), oak wooden furniture feels good on his fingertips and he had a second-hand oak wood desk in his apartment before his embrace (sadly he couldn’t get it back since his parents took it into their home as a reminder of him) and the type of texture of food he tends to love are crunchy, potato chips, crispy fried chicken (Freaking Chicken! XD) and on the healthier side, carrot sticks. and of course, he loves the feel human/vampire flesh during sexytimes! 😉

Anything less than a 100% cotton fabric is something he dislikes wearing, they give his skin a reaction like a little rash. anything too squishy in his furniture or food isn’t something he cares for much. (Don’t say the word moist around unless you want him to shudder uncontrollably!)    

Oswald does listen to all kinds of music genres but he’s very into Nirvana, Hole or anything grunge, it just speaks to him in so many ways, even more so when he’s a vampire. 😢

The only type of music he doesn’t care is modern country music, it sucks in his opinion.            

When he was still human, Oswald loves sunny days, and wishes now having become a vampire he had spent more time watching the sunrise or sunset instead of letting himself get overtaken by his work in life.

Cloudy weather used to get him down a little when he was alive, though it doesn’t bother him too much as a vampire. 

Oswald doesn’t like to admit it to many but he loves a good mystery novel and puzzles, it’s what’s gotten him to being an investigator in the first place. his guilty pleasure is to read a best selling crime novel and count the number of mistakes the author makes! Another thing he hates admitting to liking, trashy reality shows, heavily edited cooking competitions or dating competitions, he’ll watch them all! 

As a human Oswald didn’t care much for horror movies for he doesn’t like getting jumps scared or feeling tense all the time. Now as a vampire, horror movies as the cliche goes don’t scare him at all (he’s seen true horror bro) and more treats them as mystery thrillers instead. Having been born and raised in California and worked as an investigator in LA and thus has seen a lot of shit, really hates any movie that puts Hollywood in a positive light, especially old Hollywood.  

📀How easy is it to shock your OC? To confuse them? To lie to them, to manipulate them? How are they with feelings of trust? Can your OC be trusted? 

Gruesome crimes scenes of murder or massacres don’t affect Oswald that much anymore but Andrei’s flesh house of fun really shocked him, watching the tape twice didn't prepare him at all for the horrors that awaited him. Also finding out that Vampires and Ghosts are real shook him to the core as well.  

You would have to do something so outside of Oswald’s impression of you and really weird or stupid to really confuse him, otherwise he’s seen some shit and isn’t easily confused a lot of the time. 

Oswald is pretty damned observant so he does usually notice when someone is trying to manipulate him, especially in Kindred society. But having become a vampire you can play on Oswald’s loneliness to get what you want but he’ll eventually figure it out and you better be ready to run, the Prince of LA learned the hard way what happens to those who use him!

When Oswald was alive, he had a lot more people around him that he was able to trust, close tightknit family, and friends. But as a vampire, Oswald is completely cut off from those closest to him and he’s very aware of the backstabbing nature of Kindred society to ever give his trust to just anyone.

Oswald on the other hand is pretty trustworthy himself, he keeps to his promises most of the time and rarely breaks them unless you’ve proven to be complete and utter scum that doesn’t deserve to live.

Gloria: 💛 In general, how in control of their emotions is your OC? Do they have a good hold on them or do their emotions control them, not the other way around? What do you think is the reason behind this and is your OC ever concerned about their lack of or good control?

After years of anger management, Gloria is more in control of her emotions than she was eighteen. (A lot of her anger comes from her Dad apparently abandoning her and generally her Mom getting screwed around by the system for having mental problems and being forced to leave her daughter to be put in a mental hospital)  

Overall, Gloria has a pretty tight hold on her emotions and refuses to let them control her, which can make her seem cold at times (Nines had thought so when he first met Gloria and it also made Velvet want to warm her up emotionally)

Again as the forementioned seemingly abandonment by her father and how horribly her mother was treated by the system has made Gloria really angry at the world and its injustices, which ended up with her getting in trouble with the law at times and her sent to anger management. 

Gloria is proud that she has such a good hold on her emotions but always fears losing that control and knows that if her Dad had gone through with his plan to embrace her into the Brujah clan it would’ve been a disaster! But as she spends more time in Kindred society without any access to any therapists, she finds that her general dissatisfaction with how things are being run in Downtown LA and losing patience with Nines’ refusal to either fully take the mantle of leadership or give it someone else, is slowly having a bad effect on her control of her anger.              

🌳 Compare your OC to themself from 10 years ago. How has their mental state changed since then, how have they aged and grown up? Would they say they’re in a better place than they were back then or do they need help? What advice would they give their younger self? What advice would their younger self give to them now?

In some ways Gloria is in a better place than she was ten years ago, she’s been able to make peace with her father and start rebuilding her relationship with him, now knowing that he didn’t willingly abandon her when she was 18, and she’s not so closed off all the time, finding that she is able to be more open with her emotions. But she’s also starting to get her old anger back and that needs sorting out.

But she’s not making as many reckless choices anymore, thinking a lot about how they could affect the ones she loves so dearly. Even more so when she has become a vampire.

She’s built up a found family with Nines’ crew, Velvet, Heather, and her father and his coterie that she’s not willing to lose so she has a support system but it can’t help her from her old anger problems, now given a new source.

Gloria would tell her younger self that she should trust that anger management will help her and not try to control her anger with drugs. and also be mindful that there are predators in the world beyond people (mostly men) trying to take advantage of her and no matter what it’s still worth opening your heart to people even in this dark world.

Her younger self would tell Gloria that it’s okay to make mistakes and fuck up at times, to not take any man’s shit even from the ones she loves dearly, and enjoy every day like it’s her last.         

 Oh damn, that last one made me all emotional! 😭 thanks again for the ask :D     

[btsybrkr]

You’re Hired

I love The Apprentice. I look forward to it every single year. It’s the one reality series that too-smart-for-you TV snobs won’t look down on you for watching, despite the fact that The Apprentice is really just Big Brother in suits. Think about it: larger-than-life contestants, living together in a big house, completing tasks where they will always be destined to fail (because it makes for much better conflict), all while being watched closely by an omnipotent figure, who calls all the shots.

In fact, Alan Sugar is a much scarier man-in-charge than the titular Big Brother. For one thing, he looks the contestants in the eyes when he’s destroying them emotionally - Big Brother hides away in a little recording booth somewhere, where he’s safe from any angry housemates, who’ve snapped after the pointlessness of what they’re doing has finally dawned on them. What a coward. Also, Alan Sugar is really bloody rich. Alan Sugar is so rich that he could probably buy you, and sell you back to yourself at a much higher price, and that’s pretty scary, if you ask me.

But, I digress. The thing that’s so great about The Apprentice is that it’s so low-stakes. Not to the contestants, of course, but to the viewer. See, it’s the only reality show where I never care who stays or who goes, and that’s because the contestants are usually, without exception, cocks - and this year hasn’t been much different.

Obviously, the stand-out recipient of the ‘Jesus Christ, You Really Are Absolutely Awful’ award this year has to be librarian and general irritant Lottie Lion, whose name alone makes her sound like the archetypal spoiled brat character from a Roald Dahl novel. It suits her so well, it’s almost as though her parents just sensed from birth that she was going to turn out that way. Or maybe she came out of the womb riding side-saddle on a horse and waxing lyrical about how much better she is than everyone else. I can’t know for sure, but I wouldn’t be surprised.

When she wasn’t shooting a piece-to-camera to repeat her mantra “I’m not here to make friends, I’m here to win”, she was busy coming up with increasingly ridiculous reasons why she was the ideal candidate for the top job in each task. She started out strong in Week 1 by announcing she was the best choice for sub-team leader in a tourism task, because “I know that the population of South Africa is 51 million”, and yet, amazingly, still managed to out-BS herself week after week. Perhaps the finest example was Week 9, in which she described having viola lessons when she was four as having been “in the music industry for 15 years”. By that logic, I’ve been in dentistry for 23 years, because I can navigate my own mouth with a toothbrush without taking out six of my teeth in the process.

Oh, and let’s not forget the remark she allegedly made in a contestants’ group chat, in which she told Pakistani candidate Lubna to “shut up, Ghandi”, before allegedly threatening “I’ll fucking knock you out at our press training”. Obviously, this is horrendously racist and absolutely out of order, and with any luck, Lubna might knock her out first, since, as a person born with arms, she has technically been in the boxing industry for 33 years.

On a much lighter note, this series might have introduced us to one of the most genuinely likeable contestants The Apprentice has ever seen in the form of Thomas Skinner, a self-described “full-time geezer”. Obviously, that’s not his day job - geezering does not pay very well, especially in this difficult economic climate. He’s a salesman, and a bloody good one - he’s so ridiculously charismatic that he could sell me the very concept of breathing itself and I’d probably pay over the odds for it.

Unfortunately, he wasn’t very good at much else, and was fired by a reluctant Alan Sugar after losing eight out of the nine tasks he’d been involved in. I got thinking, though… couldn’t Alan Sugar just take him on anyway? Considering the lack of success that previous winners have experienced, he honestly might as well. I’m not sure exactly what he would hire him to do, but if anyone can help Thomas realise his dream of actually making a living as a full-time geezer, then I’m sure it’s him.

Personally, I think he deserves all of the money and maybe a knighthood, purely on the basis he’s the first candidate in a long time that hasn’t once described himself as ‘cutthroat’ or ‘brutal’, or made some ridiculous statement about how money is so important to him that he’d probably murder his entire family for a fiver. You know, like they usually do.

This year’s final saw headhunter Scarlett Allen-Horton and artisan bakery owner Carina Lepore go head-to-head for the opportunity to work alongside The Ultimate Sugar Daddy, with the final task being to create a hypothetical launch for their respective businesses.

Step one was to pick a new brand name. Carina and co. decided on Lepore’s, because - as Thomas put it - “people will go for the bread, but they’ll go for you, too”. It’s a nice enough point, but if she’s opening a chain of bakeries, she won’t always be in there, will she? I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been disappointed to go into a Blackpool branch of Gregg’s, only to be told that, once again, I’m unable to speak to King Gregg himself. He’s probably hiding in one of his fancy London stores, the big elitist. Scarlett had slightly more trouble with rebranding her recruitment company, which aims to place more women and minorities into top level engineering positions. Marianne helpfully suggested naming it after “those animals that build their own homes”. Beavers. She means beavers. Beaver Recruitment? Really? Not exactly suited to a top level headhunting agency, but on the bright side, she may have just stumbled on a great new way for men to describe going out on the pull.

Next on the agenda was to come up with a billboard and a TV advert. The billboards were both surprisingly good, at least in comparison to anything else filmed against a cheap green screen in this year’s series (the now infamous soundbite “who took my unicorn, Sparkle Stars??” from Toy Week immediately springs to mind). The TV advert task was a different story for Scarlett, who was surprised to find that her ‘vision’ of Lewis, Lottie and Marianne driving an imagery car in an empty warehouse wasn’t absolute advertising golddust. “It’s cheesier than I imagined”, she said, upon seeing it for the first time. How? I genuinely can’t understand how she came up with that and thought it was ever going to look like anything other than part of a hastily-planned GCSE Drama performance. But then I would say that, because as someone who has seen a TV advert before, I’ve technically been in marketing since 1996. On Carina’s team, their prison-themed advert for her artisan bread (no, I’m not sure how they arrived at this idea, either) was far more impressive - prefect from a 1960s comic book Ryan-Mark even managed to put in a convincing performance as a hungry jailbird, which wasn’t something any of us were expecting to see this year.

After this, and the all important pitches - which I’m not going to go into, since it’s consistently the least entertaining part of the finale, where I imagine most people, including me, take a toilet break - it was time for the final boardroom. In all seriousness, the tension in the final boardroom is mad. I can only imagine it’s like you and another person are staring down the barrel of a madman’s gun, except the madman is Alan Sugar, and you want to be shot because, instead of bullets, it’s money. Actually, it’s not like that at all, is it? But it must be absolute squeaky bum time for the candidates, is what I’m trying to say.

After a few minutes of back and forth, and a couple more minutes of Carina and Scarlett turning on each other at the last second - which I’m absolutely, one hundred-percent, completely sure the producers definitely didn’t encourage in any way - The Sugarman arrived at a conclusion, and crowned Carina the winner, with a statement that I’m sure we can all agree with: “I do like the idea of more bread.” Well, don’t we all?

Anyway, deserving winner found - as well as plenty of memorable moments and ridiculous characters along the way - that’s it for another year. The only thing I’m left wondering is why it’s called The Apprentice, since the prize is a £250,000 investment, and since most real life apprentice jobs pay about £3.90 an hour. But then I wonder that every year, and to be honest, I’m all fired out.

[buttonsdavenport]

newsies trading card bios

for science, here’s a complete (i think) masterlist of all the newsies bios from the trading cards

Jack Kelly: A charismatic and natural-born leader. Cares deeply for his fellow newsies, even if it means letting go of his own dreams of traveling west. A gifted artist, he frequently paints backdrops for Miss Medda Larkin’s theater.

Katherine: An energetic and gifted writer. Although born into the upper class, she is determined to establish herself as a serious reporter. The newsboys’ strike may just be the chance she needs to start her career!

Les: At age 10 (almost!) he is the youngest of the newsies. Despite his youth, this kid knows how to sell a pape! Looks up to his big brother Davey and would do anything to help Jack and the newsies win their strike.

Davey: Davey’s parents are struggling with money so he and his brother sell papers to help support the family. At first he is timid around the other newsies, but eventually comes out of his shell and finds a place of belonging among them.

Crutchie: The ultimate optimist. The crippling effects of polio have left him with a bum leg but you won’t find him looking for sympathy. A tough little guy, he’s always got a wisecrack and a smile.

Spot Conlon: Rumor has it he once beat up a group of boys on the Steeplechase Ride while it was in motion. The leader of the Brooklyn newsies, he’s got the brains and the brawn and is the only one who can stand up to the famous Jack Kelly.

Specs: One of the more easygoing newsies. Does what he is told and happy to do it because he loves selling papes! Biggest dream is to help all the visually-impaired newsies by inventing an alternative to glasses.

Race: Racetrack Higgins is a veteran at the Newsboys’ Lodging House. Having lived there most of his orphaned life, he is never spotted without his cigar and is always cracking jokes.

Elmer: Youngest of nine Polish children. Loves to crack jokes, especially at his own expense. A whiz at math, he runs a dice game and helps the newsies balance their books. Also plays a mean set of spoons!

JoJo: Raised by nuns in a Harlem cathedral. Full given name: Jorgelino Josephino De La Guerra. Despite his sunny disposition, he is quite mischievous and strives to be the richest newsie in town.

Buttons: Benjamin Davenport got his nickname after losing all of his vest buttons while selling newspapers. He’s quick with a sewing kit and has a desire for playing and dancing with food utensils (spoons, to be exact).

Finch: Patrick “Finch” Cortes resides with his fellow newsies after running away from home at a young age. With his trusty slingshot, loves to perfect his sharpshooting with small objects along Bottle Alley. Driven, but also loves a good laugh and drink at Jacobi’s.

Henry: Became a newsie at age 11, having to leave the family-owned deli after his father died. His love of food makes him something of an epicure amongst his fellow newsies.

Romeo: The flirt of the newsies, he’s always hitting on the ladies. Though his charm and smooth-talking doesn’t always work, it don’t stop him from trying!

Albert: Albert DaSilva lives with his father and two older brothers on the Lower East Side. Started selling papes to help his family after his mother died. A prankster who can often be caught stealing cigars from his fellow newsies.

Mush: Considers himself Jack’s muscle and confidant. Came to the group missing front teeth, giving him a slight speech impediment and his nickname. Lives in Harlem and plans on eventually opening the most happening juke joint in all of New York!

Sniper: Sneaky and self-sufficient son of Sam Wah, who owns the laundry above Jacobi’s Deli. Named for his incredible aim, he is the quickest and strongest of the newsies, who revere him – and stay out of his way!

Oscar Delancey: A New York City native who is proud of sharing a name with the famous Delancey Street. Considers himself the “brains” of the Delanceys’ operations and leaves most of the dirty work to his brother, Morris. 

Morris Delancey: Born in SoHo and worked on the family farm. Abandoned by his parents, believes in survival of the fittest and sticks like glue to his brother, Oscar. They work with their Uncle Wiesel, keeping order at the distribution window of The World. 

[artificialqueens]

How Far I'll Go - Part 2 (Nina West/Monet X Change) - Meggie, Mia Ugly

A/N: We have reworked Chapter One to reflect the events of the S11 reunion, so you may want to give it a reread. Can we FIX IT? Yes we can. 

(TW: REUNION SPOILERS)

Nina is in Columbus on the day he gets the call.

It’s his last show before Drag Con. He’s already going through dog-withdrawal. His boys will be fine of course but he fucking hates leaving them; as soon as he starts packing a suitcase they know something’s up and it breaks his heart.

Anyway. He’s glad to spend his last night at home in one of his favourite places in the world, surrounded by the people he loves. It’s only been a few days since the finale and reunion, and Nina’s feeling a bit raw about everything. He’d be lying if he said he hasn’t looked at Monet’s number in his phone several dozen times, contemplated what he could say to make his behaviour the morning after acceptable. The only things that come to his mind are lies (family emergency! food poisoning! traumatic brain injury after falling in the shower!) and Nina doesn’t do that. Much.

So.

It’s either own up and confess how he was feeling, or - pretend that number in his phone doesn’t exist. Maybe stare at it from time to time, sighing (before reminding himself that it was just one night and didn’t mean anything anyway). And then sigh some more and distract himself with peanut butter straight from the jar. You know - whatever results in the least amount of dignity possible.

Anyway.

The reunion is going to air tomorrow night, but Nina’s going to be on a plane as it happens. That’s fine, he knows how it all went down, and he doesn’t really need to see Brooke and Vanjie’s shy little love story unfold (and ultimately self-destruct) once again. He saw it all already, and firsthand. Picked up the pieces of Brooke’s shattered heart and whip-stitched them back together as best he could while the other chain-smoked and wallowed in denial and blame.

Nina’s sitting in the dressing room, paint mostly on but not in his dress (he’s doing “Let It Go” from Frozen with a full-on ice queen reveal because it’s been that kind of a month. Maybe he’s coming for Brooke’s gig, but maybe not.), and scrolling through Instagram when an unfamiliar number flashes white on the screen.

He’s used to this. The charity work means somehow a lot of people get his number - it’s not ideal, but it makes the work he’s doing worth it so he deals.  He’ll deal.

He slides his thumb across the screen, plasters on his best smile (it’s easier to be nice to people when you’re smiling), greets them with a cheery, “Hello!”

“Nina, this is Maya with World of Wonder. How are you this evening?”

His heart leaps to his throat. What could they want with him now? There are still two episodes of the show left to air, but publicity is almost all died down. And calling him instead of his manager?

“Good. Great!” he chokes out. “I’m… How are you?”

“Fine, thank you. I’m calling because I’d like to formally invite you to participate in season five of RuPaul’s Drag Race All Stars.”

The world? Stops. His heart? Pounds. His brain? Freezes.

All Stars . Another chance. Redemption.

“Yes!” he says immediately, too quickly, too enthusiastically, as soon as he can make his mouth work again. “Yes! When?”

On the other end of the line, Maya laughs, high and clear.

“Yay, that was an easy sell. We’re excited to have you back! We’ll be filming in late July, and you’ll receive further instructions by email. But please do remember that the terms of your verbal contract start now, so no one other than your emergency contact will be allowed to know you are participating. Reach out if you need anything, okay?”

“Okay. Thank you!”

“Looking forward to seeing you again, Nina. Enjoy the rest of your night.”

And with a click, she’s gone. But Nina’s entire world has shifted on its axis. He just stands there in front of the mirror, unable to move, unable to think.

All Stars.

When they’d first asked him about it, way back in January when the Season 11 girls had first started doing promos, he’d given them a tentative yes.  He knew how big the platform was and wanted to make the most of it. But he’d also… not wanted to count his chickens, or something. You never know how America (or the world) will react to you (just ask Silky).  Maybe it’s vain, but Nina had wanted to see if they liked him, really liked him - like he’d hoped they would.

He couldn’t have imagined AOC going live to protest his elimination. Or Leslie Jones being so angry (he really does hope someone sent her a box of cookies) or Rihanna (Rihanna!) coming to his defense after that controversial lip-sync. Then his Miss Congeniality win. It was almost too much all at once.

He’d also figured they meant an All Stars far, far away. Like. Season eight. Or nine. Maybe even ten (if he’s still able to stomp around in heels without a walker at that point). Right after his own season? A pipe dream.

But it’s here, and it’s happening, and he’d be foolish not to take the opportunity that was presented to him. It’s the ultimate redemption story, and look at how beloved the All Stars winners are.

He ticks through them in his head: Chad, Alaska, Trixie, Trinity, Monet…

There, he falters. He usually just tries not to think about Monet, glowing golden and dripping in sequins and body silky smooth against his own. Best not to dwell when there isn’t any peanut butter in sight.

But who needs peanut butter when you’re an All Star?

He giggles, straight up lets a gleeful laugh reverberate through his chest and up through his nose and spread like honey, coating every surface in the small dressing room. Just once though, before he falls silent again. Studies his reflection in the mirror.

He might be in shock.

“Nina, you okay?” The evening’s MC (Luz, lovely person, really involved in the trans youth movement) is looking at him curiously from the doorway of the dressing room.

Nina blinks.  The phone is still in his hand. He knew this was a possibility, of course.  Just - you don’t know until you know - you know? Part of the reason he’s gotten this far (he always tells himself) is that he never assumes anything is a certainty.  He always counts on having to fight his way those last few feet to the finish line.

“Nina?”

“I’m in All Stars,” Nina says.

“What?” Luz squeaks, and Nina stumbles forward, grabbing her arm.

“I’m in All Stars.”

The other queens in the greenroom turn their heads in unison at the statement.

“I’m in All Stars,” Nina says again.

The queens stalk over to him with their hands on their hips, heels clicking in synchronized stomps on the linoleum floor.

And then Nina can hear music. (When did he put on his gown?) A brass band, a string section.  And the queens start singing:

“Nina West you’re going places

Always knew you’d make it far

Nina West you got that phone call

You are our All Star!”

“I am!” Nina gasps as he’s lifted up by the queens and carried out into the middle of the club. The dance floor is crowded but somehow the patrons are making a circle around him, moving in perfect rhythm.

“Nina West, sent home too early

Still e-lev-en-gendary.

Time to show the world you’re more than

Miss Congeniality!”

A group of drag kings by the pool table start spinning their cues over their heads like batons (so much talent in this community!)

“Brought camp to the masses, ” they sing in baritone.

Brought pride to our town,

We can’t wait to see you

Wearing that All Stars crown!”

“Thank you!” Nina is set down on the stage. Glitter starts falling from the ceiling, catching in his wig and eyelashes.

“Love you all,” he sings alone to the enraptured crowd, “you are my family,

I’ll make you proud and do my best.

We can change the world together

Go big, be kind, go West!”

“Go West!” the crowd sings back.

“Go Wessssssst!” Nina hits a perfect falsetto high note, throwing his arms open -

“Nina.”

Nina waves at the cheering crowd -

“Nina!”

Glitter keeps falling like snowflakes, ice cold and shimmering -

“Nina.  You okay?” Luz, the evening’s MC, is staring at him in the doorway of the greenroom.

Nina looks at her. There is no glitter in his eyelashes. There is no music playing in the background. Over his shoulder, a couple of bored local queens are penciling on their eyebrows. He’s wearing an old t-shirt and a pair of khaki shorts and not the shimmering blue Elsa gown.

He’s still holding his cellphone in his hand.

“Um,” Nina says. “Yep.”

*****

Nina talks to Brooke a lot.

It makes sense; they’ve been friends for a long time, they really bonded during their season, Nina helped Brooke through his breakup with Vanjie (although Brooke insisted at the time he was fine. Still does, actually. Nina has his own theories about that, but he isn’t pushing).

So yeah. They chat. A lot.

And all Nina wants to do is tell Brooke about his All Stars call, but he can’t because of the damn NDA.

It’s frustrating.

They meet for breakfast early on the first day of Drag Con, Brooke in his customary black and white, Nina in a navy blue button up spotted with pink flamingos (it felt right).

They’ve no sooner settled into the booth and given their orders than Nina’s knee starts bouncing. Nerves. Anxiety. (Yes - both.)

“What’s with you?” Brooke asks while he sips his coffee. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen you this worked up.”

Nina shrugs. “Nervous about the Con, I guess.”

“And?” Brooke’s eyes narrow.

“ And?”

“And what else?” He stirs another packet of sugar into the cup. “I know you. It’s not like you to be nervous about a networking opportunity.”

Nina scoffs. “Drag Con is way more than just a networking opportunity and I -”

“You’re a bad fucking liar. Takes one to know one.” Brooke leans his elbows on the table, cool as a Canadian autumn, presses his fingertips together, stares Nina down. “What’s going on?”

Nina sighs. “I wish I could tell you, trust me, it’s not that I don’t want to; it’s that I literally can’t.” He widens his eyes, hoping maybe Brooke will get the point.

Apparently it works, because after a few moments, recognition blooms across Brooke’s face and he laughs. “Really? Like. Officially really?”

Nina nods. This is okay, right? He’s not technically breaking the contract. It’s not like he told Brooke anything verbally.

“Nina! That’s - oh my god!” Then Brooke is busily tapping away at his phone and a sense of dread overcomes Nina.

“You can’t tell anybody - “

Brooke waves him off. “I’m just telling Vanjie.”

Okay, that’s - something to come back to certainly, but - more pressing matters first. “Brooke, seriously. You can’t tell anybody. I’m not supposed to tell anybody.”

“You didn’t.” Brooke shrugs. Good to know at least they share the same sentiment about verbal contracts. That might come in handy during litigation. “I figure the House of West has a lot of prove, and you’ve never backed down from a challenge. So I know you’ll bring it and… I just kind of wanted to give the competition a heads up.” He bites his lip and waits for Nina to process.

And - look, it takes him a minute. Because it’s really a lot of information at one time.

Item 1: Brooke and Vanjie are still close. He knew that. Everybody with Twitter and Instagram knew. (Hell, for a little while, even Nina wasn’t 100% sure they weren’t still together.) Close enough for Vanessa to tell Brooke about an All Stars call when legally sworn to utmost secrecy?

Yeah, actually, that tracks. Vanjie’s shit at keeping secrets, and he’s still indescribably in love with Brooke, only an idiot (like Brooke) wouldn’t see that. So. Do the math.

Item 2: Vanjie is back back back on Drag Race. For the third season in a row. And the bitch can turn it. Nina doubts very much there will be 47 swimsuits, pasties, panties, and bras this time around. He’s a little intimidated, if he’s being quite honest.

Okay, so it’s really only two points of information, but it’s two very large points that have a big, pointy impact on his life. Which leads to:

Item 1: Nina had been relieved and happy when Brooke and Vanessa were able to start talking again after the breakup. They’d been using him as a middle man - a mediator, he preferred (far less tacky) - and although he loved them both, it was exhausting. And he could only say, “I think you should just talk to him and not me,” so many times before he got frustrated. But he had persevered and eventually, Brooke had texted Vanjie and they’d started to repair their friendship.

Go figure that. Nina’s inner saboteur is back, has been back since the night of the finale taping, the night he spent with Monet. He hates it. Wishes he could cut into himself and carve it out like a cancer. Adults talking through their issues and handling shit. Who knew it was possible?

So he should have texted Monet. Fine - it’s fine. Water under the… thing.

Item 2: Who else is on All Stars? If Nina’s being really honest, he’s been on cloud nine about the whole thing, and hasn’t given much thought to who else could be competing. He has his dream cast, of course, and a long list of Ru girls he’d love to work with. But the thought of competing against the Very Best of the Very Best is… Well, he’s shook. To say the least.

His face must convey it because Brooke reaches across the table and takes his hand. “Hey. You deserve this, Nina.”

He nods, tears hot in his eyes, and wills himself not to cry. “I bet you told Vanjie the same thing,” he says, voice catching a bit in his throat.

“I did.” Brooke laughs, unashamed of his affection, even when it’s blinding. “I also told him he was crazy for doing three seasons in a row but…” He holds out his hands, shrugs, as if to say it isn’t his responsibility anymore. Nina knows he’s probably right, but deep down he suspects that Brooke and Vanjie are far more entangled than they like to think, and Brooke’s opinion means more to Vanessa than either one of them will care to admit.

Relationships are messy.

Anyway.

“Do you think I should have said no?” Nina asks,  afraid for the answer. “Taken a break? Focused on the charity? Ridden the first-year wave a little longer?”

“Hell no!” Brooke responds immediately. “Take the opportunity. People fucking adore you, Nina. Plus, look at Monet! She won right after her season so. It can be done.”

Nina considers, briefly, telling Brooke about the whole tangled Monet thing. Decides, instead, to deflect. “So, um. That guy you took back to your room after the finale… the beardo… character.  How is… that going?”

Brooke raises an eyebrow at him. “This is really what you want to talk about right now?”

“It’s just good to see you moving on.” (Is it though? Is it really?)

Brooke rolls his eyes and smiles into his coffee. “What about you? Any romance on the horizon for Nina West?”

“No.” Nina snorts. “It’s been…” Three days, eight hours, and - he glances at his watch - one minute. Approximately. Not that he’s counting. “A while. Let’s just say a while.”

Brooke’s mouth quirks to the side and his left eye twitches the tiniest bit. “Well.” He places his mug on the table and smiles at Nina. “I’m sure you’ll have plenty of opportunities on tour. We’ll get you on Tinder and Grindr! Trade in every city, Nina.”

Actually, Nina usually prefers to go back to his room and shower for about 45 minutes before collapsing into bed and sleeping until his alarm goes off the next morning. Finding someone to sleep with and then actually fucking them? That seems exhausting. Better to let Brooke take that one on himself (seems like that’s his preferred coping strategy).

And Nina is in no place to judge coping strategies, so despite any - concerns he might feel (the lines beneath Brooke’s eyes, the nicotine stains on his hands, that thing he does with his face that makes Nina want to hug him) he keeps his mouth shut.

He’s getting awfully good at the whole not-speaking-up thing. It’s not his best look. Not at all.

*****

On the air-conditioned floors of Drag Con, Nina gets to shake hands and hug people from all across the country, children to teenagers to tiny old grannies with walkers. It’s a completely surreal and humbling experience; he can’t get over the way it feels to have people know his name, people thank him for doing something that he loves.

And he gets to meet up again with so many of the queens he’s crazy about, queens he never thought would give a shit about him. It’s so nice seeing Adore again, she’s exactly the kind of person he wishes he had the guts to be when he was her age. And Peppermint is everything and Miss Fame is like an actual goddess in person as well as on television and then there’s James St. James -  it’s a lot.

It almost feels like a trip to Disneyland but gayer (a bit) and with more neuroses.

There’s a weird moment with Miz Cracker, which is unexpected –Nina’s been a stan since Season 10, watches her recaps religiously.  He didn’t think they were going to be best friends or anything (all right, maybe he thought they’d get there eventually) but when he introduces himself she basically stares right through him, says nothing, and starts to walk away. Luckily Vanjie is with her, so Nina embraces him to dissipate the awkward tension. He and Vanjie have a mini-meltdown over how in love they are with each other, and after Cracker is well out of earshot, Vanjie gives Nina a look.

“She feeling some type of way about you, hey? You steal her man or something?”

“Absolutely not.” Nina’s a bit hurt – he was legitimately excited about meeting Cracker – but she’s entitled to an off day. Or to just plain not like him (though who doesn’t like him? He’s bloody endearing, like a Labrador puppy).

Anyway, not to overdo the animal comparisons, but water off a duck’s back.

He doesn’t see Monet at the Con. Which is - probably for the best. Nina doesn’t avoid him but - he doesn’t go looking for him either. And really, he barely gets a moment to sneak away from his booth, so it isn’t like he’s a total garbage person. He doesn’t throw himself to the ground or anything at the sight of Monet coming toward him, his life hasn’t yet reached the level of pure farce.

It’s barely been a week anyway; Nina’s still figuring out how to appropriately apologize (appropriately apologize without coming across like a pathetic sad-sack who has maybe thought about that night a bit more than could be considered ‘casual’).

So. Space. Time. Possibly a time machine. All or any of them will work.

The Con ends on a high note and Nina basically goes on tour immediately after, doing a lot of PR for the season and his albums. In New York he finally meets Leslie Jones and loses his mind. He kind of floats through the next two months, lets himself be buoyed up by the love and support of his community, lets it erase the insecurities that wound like thorns around his heart after Season 11.

He travels, he makes people laugh. It’s what he’s good at. It’s how he’s survived.

When he’s not working, he’s practicing his sewing and designing and bribing his witchy seamstress friends into helping him put some new looks together. Somehow the days tick by too quickly. Spring ends, and summer breaks scalding over Ohio. Nina’s packing up his bags and hugging people goodbye and crying ( not really, but just don’t look at him for a minute) over his dogs.

And getting on a plane to L.A.

Being on set is familiar but also kind of panic inducing. Nina didn’t realize how differently he carried himself when he was getting ready to be filmed until his spine straightened helplessly and he suddenly realized he had arms. His body remembers how intense this experience was (is) even if his brain doesn’t.

He’s dressed in a (non-copyright infringing) version of Woody from Toy Story, sequined and cinched and proportionized, just like Michelle would want. Maya the P.A. hugs him, introduces him to the sound guy who hooks up his microphone, taping it just under Nina’s neckline (“At least buy me dinner first!” Nina says with a shrill, nervous laugh, and the sound guy doesn’t even flinch, clearly having heard it before. Nina may actually have said the same thing last season. It - might also have been the same sound guy).

“You ready?”

Nina is ready. He adjusts her cowboy hat, shifts her fringed leather belt and the sequined holsters for her bubble guns.

Then the lights are on him, and the cameras are rolling, and Nina pulls down the shutters on his insecurity (make ‘em laugh, it’s what he does).

“Hey y’all. I’m here to show you how the West was Won.”

Nina West struts into the werkroom, bubble guns at the ready, and the rest is herstory.

[eurekq]

so here they are.... my revamped darlings. naohiko, rika, amane, and maya are new! im going to put all their bios under the cut, they’re mostly copypasted from the old ref though except for the new kids :P i really like naohiko, he’s basically an amalgamation of every percussionist i’ve ever known lmfao

basic premise: 16 fresh-out-of-highschool prodigies are invited to star in well-respected and widely-watched big brother-esque reality tv show, which takes place on a cruise ship. what they weren't expecting was for the show's 25th season to be a killing game! the students: CHOUMI YUKIYAMA: exceptional among even her fellow shsls, choumi made her historic mark on ballet by becoming the world's youngest ever prima ballerina at the age of 13 and japan's first ever prima ballerina assoluta at 18. fans flock to her ethereal, angelic grace on stage as well as to the percieved sense of otherworldlyness surrounding her albinism. on the darker side of her popularity, repeated sexual harassment from fans and male dance partners alike has hardened her world view to make her not quite cold, but definitely reserved in her emotions. she adapts fairly easy to stressful situations and pushes through pain with almost no visible outward struggle due to her all too common experience with dancing through foot and ankle injuries. because of this she usually ends up taking initiative in difficult scenarios if no one else steps forward. she is also a quite talented hobbyist figure skater and is fluent in both english and russian. REN KIKUHARA: a fairly odd florist in that instead of ordering flowers to arrange into bouquets, every flower he sells is grown himself. although this means that his selection is seasonally and fairly regionally limited, he has an incredible talent for working with plants and can even sometimes coax out-of-zone flowers to grow. he's fluent in hanakotoba and is surprisingly good at flirting through flowers without it seeming cheesy, although he doesn't do it very often. people often remark that his bouquets often seem to have more love and life in them than store-bought ones. ren is a calm and kind soul and prefers listening to talking, with what he does say always seeming to be just the right words for the situation. MARIKO MIKAMI: mariko was a sickly child, and spent a large part of her elementary school years in hospitals. around the age of seven, she began folding paper cranes as something to do, and wished to live normally after she folded her 1000th. she soon recovered, and feels that she owes her life to origami. she is precise and calculating in everything she does, which shines through in her art: every delicate, artful piece of origami that she makes is creased and folded perfectly. she also dabbles in wet-fold origami. she's most famous for her dry-fold though, and her pieces are well known for their complex, precise, mathematical beauty. she refuses to fold paper cranes anymore, feeling that they are too sacred for her to touch after they saved her life as a child. a calm, slightly disconcerting smile is always on her face, no matter the circumstance; her manner is polite for the most part, if i a little aggressive. MOMOTAROU KOBARA: momotarou, born into a rich family that fufilled his near-every want, made a name for himself in the world of collecting at the age of just eleven by, through luck and love for the series, collecting every pokemon card. from then on he set onto collecting just about anything non-perishable: pins, collectors set bandaids, vinyls, etc. he has exceptional luck in finding deals on ebay and other sites. he cant really be called a hoarder, since he likes to have just one of everything; he resells, gifts, or uses any duplicates. his mood swings between a dreamy, chilled out, flirtatious persona and periods of numb depression when it hits him that his whole life revolves around material possesions and that he has no real human connections. SARA KUROKAWA: a talented young woman from a long line of popular backalley tattoo artists. she combines traditional symbolism and youthful influence in her designs to make something new and more appealing for the younger generation, and is a huge proponent for tattoos being shown off for fashion rather than hidden away in the traditional style. sara does have (illegal) tattoos done by her older siblings on her arms despite the minimum age being 20, although her being homeschooled, looking older than her actual age, and having a tendency to wear long sleeves year round has led her to encounter few problems. she and her family are among the many who simply choose to ignore the statute requiring a medical license to tattoo. sara is a fairly rude person in a backhanded way, acts stereotypically catty and even a little deranged sometimes, and enjoys making herself the center of attention, whether through her appearance (dyed pink hair and white contacts) or the things she says. the only two things that can break her shell and make her excited and genuine are tattooing and piano, which she has played from a young age and loves. NAOHIKO KINZUMI: the son of a concert pianist and a professional jazz drummer, naohiko shortcutted the usual pots-and-pans percussion stage most children go through and spent most of his childhood hitting actual drums. blessed with perfect pitch and a natural feel for rhythm, his parents enrolled him in private music lessons at age five, and he joined onto his first indoor percussion ensemble at age 13. a fast learner, naohiko can play most all percussion instruments at a professional level, including both tuned and auxiliary. he is especially known for his drumset skill, specifically being able to match the speed and complexity of most double kick pedal rhythms with just one foot, and his delicate grace at bowed vibraphone. naohiko is loud, brash, and fun, with an infectious smile and sense of humor that draws people in. despite the flashiness of his drumset playing, his favourite instruments are actually the weird obscure ones, like the waterphone, mahler hammer, and "bucket of loud objects to be dumped on the floor". HARUMI HAMANAKA: harumi is a sweet and bubbly girl, if almost cloyingly so. her good luck is a fairly stable force (nowhere near as chaotic as komaeda, for example), generally acting in the favor of wishes of people around her. her mother intensly wanted for her to be on the show because of the exposure it provides, and this is what harumi attributes to her being selected. despite the way her luck operates, shes no doormat and in fact has an overwhelming force of personality, and her sweet demeanor can become rather passive aggressive if challenged on pretty much anything. SHOU KATSUKI (PROTAG): pushed to succeed in the game from a very young age, shou is japan's reigning chess champion, a FIDE-certified grandmaster, and went to international competition the year before the killing game. he played through to the finals with influenza, which worsened through the matches due to lack of treatment and culminated in debilitating pneumonia that left him in the hospital and unable to play for first. because of this, he's cultivated a sort of inferiority complex that he tries to cover for with self-confidence, which actually comes off as condescending rudeness. he has a natural talent for cause and effect analyzation and is good at planning ahead. he gets flustered easily over trivial things and is a sore loser, but tends not to crack under actual pressure. shou doesn't like to be associated with his family due to the intense pressure they put him under only to steal his winnings the second he began to succeed and thus prefers to be referred to by his given name, even by near-strangers. he does genuinely love chess, but his favourite board game is actually risk. (no one ever wants to play with him, though.) RIKA FUJIMIYA: originally scouted as a young child for her unique eyes and birthmarks, rika's first minor film role at the age of nine left the director stunned at her acting capability. as someone who grew up with a very murky self image and a difficulty interpreting social situations, rika lived most of her early life essentially "acting" the way she believed others would respond well to, which resulted in her easily adapting to doing the same for the cameras. she went on to have a very prolific child acting career without really settling into a niche. As a teenager she took her first steps into stage acting, playing juliet capulet at 16 in a moving and extremely impressive performance, and later at 18 performing a striking and memorable female hamlet. her deep and rich voice has also landed her several voice acting roles. her personality offstage has solidified a lot more since her younger years, although she doesn't go out of her way to talk to anyone, fan or otherwise. when approached, she is polite, gentle, and humble, although she has trouble separating her image as a celebrity from that of her as a person and thus it is extremely difficult to get to know her. KENJI MINAMOTO: an eccentric and a bit airheaded olympic fencer whose strange insistence on not wearing protective gear during practice (he believes it makes him better by giving him a stronger motivation to not get hit) has earned him many a scar over the years, and has left at least half of his joints in braces at any given time. he follows his own bushido-esque moral code (the details of which he will not tell anyone), although he will not put himself above whapping the occasional really annoying person in the ankles. his épée is his best friend and he carries it most everywhere. most of the scars on his face and hands are actually from trying to put in his very sharp industrial piercings while drunk. despite his oddities, his light-footed and elegant ambidextrous fencing has been compared by many to a graceful dance, and although in many respects he comes across as dumb, on the court his mind is laser-focused and unbelievably quick and analytic. AMANE BECKE: a more lowkey type of talented than her fellow contestants, amane hasn't won any major competitions, been on tv, set any records, or anything of that sort. she does, however, run what is widely considered the best bakery in japan. based out of nagano and the daughter of a swiss pastry chef, amane has a natural talent for baking nurtured through over a decade of dedication and love for the craft. she excels at interesting flavor combinations, but her true genius is in her classic, feel-good baked goods. many say that the things she bakes just taste like home and warmth. amane is as warm and sweet as her creations, but with a spark of wit and mad-scientist-y genius that make her an entertaining joy to watch work, if a little overbearing to talk to. EISUKE ITOU: eisuke grew up sewing clothes for his younger sisters barbie dolls, and he particularly loved dressmaking. he gained exposure in his first year of highschool by handmaking gorgeous outfits for his class's booth at the school festival, and, through application to various junior fashion competitions, he was eventually noticed by a big-name designer in paris. however, he found learning french next to impossible and has spent the year prior to the game in relative isolation, unable to have any real human conversation. his psychological state was fairly severely impacted by his long hours spent sewing and designing on internship with no company to get him by, and he is now debilitatingly socially anxious and finds conversation difficult and awkward. MAYA HANABAYASHI: maya spent her early teens with only a passing interest in survival-based media, having enjoyed hunger games and similar media, but not to the point of obsession. however, when traveling on a plane with her father back from visiting family in las vegas, she found herself in a similar situation when their plane went down in a heavily forested area of california, leaving a seventeen year old maya as the only survivor. with only a swiss army knife and a lipstick-shaped stun gun gifted to her by her father to feel safer during their stay in vegas, she survived alone in the woods hatchet-style for six months until late fall, when the fallen leaves made her campfire coincidentally visible to a very observant park ranger on firewatch. after being rescued and returned home to japan, maya found it extremely difficult to readjust to normal life. her thick and warm camo jacket, more a fashion statement when she was wearing it originally, was lifesaver to her during the cold spring, and she she can't bring herself to separate from it even with multiple rips and burns in the fabric. she has refused multiple book deals due to still being heavily traumatized, but after a long period of deliberation decided to go on the show as a way of finally moving forward and acknowledging it. maya isn't exactly socially anxious, but rather closed off and disconnected. JUN TENSEI: born jun harada, many believe that his spiritual connection is the real deal, but a few critics hold that he is most likely just an incredibly talented bluffer. the real truth about him is unknown, but many say that his seances do accurately reflect the personalities of their deceased loved ones and help them feel at peace. he is deeply religious, but not to any one traditional faith (although he does use traditional christian symbols such as crucifixes and items such as holy water on occasion). he believes strongly in the power of the soul and its ability to exist beyond death. his voice is soft and almost hypnotic, and he has a penchant for gentle teasing and riddles. he comes off as pretty shady to most, but he's fairly harmless. TOMOKO KAITA: a peppy and outgoing astrology guru who can read your deepest flaws and strengths with just your date and time of birth. known worldwide for her extremely accurate personal horoscopes. despite this, she strongly believes in the ability of an individual to defy their fate through hard work and self improvement. she dislikes giving negative horoscopes, and does her best to focus on the positives that the stars hold in store. her smile brightens the whole room! she is intensely loyal to her friends, to the point of self-sacrificing emotional labor. YUU IROIKE: yuu iroike isn't even his real name, and it's a mystery as to how show staff even tracked down his mailing address to get him on the show. he's a well-known public figure for painting huge, sprawling, colorful murals in tokyo, yet who he really is remains unknown. he paints faster than his murals can be scrubbed away, and has somehow never been prosecuted for vandalism because his graffiti is generally considered an improvment. he's sly, mysterious, and teasing in person, and gets a bit of an itchy trigger finger when he hasn't painted in a while. His skill with spray paint is so great that it seems as if the paint bends to his very will.

[writeforsoreeyes]

BL LookBack - Gerard & Jacques

Welcome to BL LookBack, where I’m rereading some of the oldest BL series still on my shelves to see how well they hold up for me today!

[image description: the covers of Gerard & Jacques volumes 1 and 2. On the first, an older man with an eyepatch and facial scar embraces a disgruntled teenage boy from behind. On the second, the two characters, both older, stare at each other tenderly.]

story & art by Fumi Yoshinaga originally serialized 2000 - 2001 (Biblos) English edition: 2006 (Tokyopop)

CW: rape, age gap

Fumi Yoshinaga is one of my favorite mangaka. Her diverse body of work includes award-winning alternate history (Ooku: The Inner Chambers), self-deprecating autobio comics (Not Love But Delicious Foods), and bittersweet school life drama (Flower of Life). But what she’s perhaps best known for are her many BL titles.

As a big fan, I’ve read pretty much all her manga and I usually recommend her titles quite enthusiastically. Gerard & Jacques, however, is one Yoshinaga manga that I generally do not recommend. My content warnings on this post probably give you a good idea of why, but let’s dive into it.

Set roundabouts the French Revolution, Gerard & Jacques follows the relationship of two men over the course of nine years. Jacques is the younger of the pair at just 16 when the story begins. He hails from an aristocratic family, but experiences a severe reversal of fortune: his family has sunken deep into debt and his father sold Jacques to a brothel in attempt to save the family’s wealth.

Gerard, meanwhile, is a commoner-- albeit a very wealthy one. He frequents brothels and is a favorite patron of many of the workers since he is younger and more attentive than most of the clientele. Since it’s Jacques’ first night on the job, the brothel owner decides that Gerard will be the best way to ease him into it.

Jacques, however, is understandably in shock about his new reality. He reveals to Gerard that he is an aristocrat and Gerard in turn reveals that he hates aristocrats, stating that they do nothing to earn their wealth. Furthermore, Jacques’ defense of his family’s actions angers Gerard. He makes Jacques face the facts of his situation and Jacques finally tells Gerard to do whatever he wants.

[image description: Gerard hold Jacques by the chin and tells him, “Think about it! What are you now? Do you have any means to pay off your debt other than selling your own body?” He lets Jacques go and continues, “And even in this state, a first-rate prostitute like you is blessed with a feather pillows, three meals a day and silk bed clothes. Younger children than you sell their bodies in places no better than a public toilet!”]’

Although consent is given on paper, it’s hard to call what occurs in chapter 1 anything besides rape.

Usually, this is where I’d drop a BL. However, the saving grace of Gerard & Jacques is that chapter 1 doesn’t end there. Instead, it ends with Gerard taking pity on Jacques. He buys out Jacques’ contract and challenges him to find a way to earn a living as a commoner, stating “If I see you back here [at the brothel] when I next return, I’ll scorn you from the bottom of my heart.”

Not long after, Jacques turns up at Gerard’s mansion looking for work, not realizing who lives there. Although he’s taken aback upon seeing Gerard, Jacques is still eager to prove himself. Gerard openly doubts that Jacques will be useful, but hires him regardless.

Here is the crux of Gerard & Jacques: the story’s setup is deeply problematic. But where a less talented mangaka would slip into weak character development and tired tropes in favor of exploiting the scenario’s raciness, Yoshinaga works hard to prove there is a story worth reading here. As for how successful she ultimately is… your mileage may vary.

Let’s talk about what’s done well first.

Yoshinaga excels at writing characters with complex emotions and motivations. Jacques is naive and repressed when it comes to sexual matters. However, he is also an intelligent, hard-working, and prideful person who isn’t afraid to tackle tasks that other people think are below him. After being turned out by his family, what he wants most is to prove his worth.

[image description: a maid praises Jacques for working hard and finding tasks to do without being told, ending with “That’s the sign of a good servant.” Jacques is pleased.]

Jacques, for obvious reasons, got a poor first impression of Gerard, so he’s surprised to learn that Gerard treats his servants very kindly and is well-liked by therm. As a self-made man, Gerard has enough reason to dislike pampered, frivolous aristocrats. (Note: Gerard made his fortune by penning erotica. There’s certainly some meta going on here, as that is also how Yoshinaga built her career.) 

However, it doesn’t take long for Yoshinaga to divulge Gerard’s past and reveal the real reason behind his ire. I won’t go into the details because it’s all obviously spoilers. But, in short, Gerard was hurt badly by someone he loved and has never forgiven them-- nor has he forgiven himself for being blinded by his love.

[image description: Jacques asks Gerard, “Is this love?” Gerard is surprised by the question, then he looks down and responds, “How should I know?”]

As someone who primarily reads to experience other people’s emotions, I appreciate the care that Yoshinaga takes in crafting believable personalities and depicting the characters’ emotions clearly on the page. She isn’t afraid to use several panels to simply show a small shift in a character’s expression. In relatively few chapters, she covers a lot of emotional ground while showing how the two main characters’ feelings for each other change.

[image description: Jacques lays on Gerard’s chest and pets his hair, saying “I like you...” Unseen by Jacques, Gerard moves as if to put his arm around Jacques and return his embrace, but pulls away.]

Yoshinaga also manages to pack an awful lot of plot into just two volumes without the story feeling too rushed. Nearly a decade goes by! There’s the events that shift Gerard and Jacques relationship, story lines that reveal backstory, and, of course, plots driven by Revolutionary France politics. There’s so much political and legal talk at some parts, in fact, that you might momentarily forget you’re reading a BL. While some readers may be uninterested in such plots, I personally enjoy romance stories that have something else going on within them besides romance.

Finally, I greatly appreciate that Yoshinaga steered clear of the Bury Your Gays trope. It’s a spoiler to even say so, but I think it’s important to know, especially for queer readers: neither Gerard nor Jacques die. I won’t say anything more about the ending than that.

[image description: Gerard and Jacques are arguing whether Jacques should flee the country alone or if Gerard should come with. Jacques stands his ground, saying “I won’t go unless you do!”]

Now let’s talk about the bad stuff.

The number one issue I take with Gerard & Jacques is its double standard surrounding sexual consent. In essence, the reader is meant to presume that since Jacques ultimately enjoys the sexual pleasure he receives from Gerard, that means that his consent is good and golden-- and thus it’s not rape. By contrast, when another character forces sexual attention on people, it’s plainly depicted as sexual assault and rape. Obviously, that’s not how it works in real life.

There’s also a weird, pseudo-incestuous vibe. Gerard is quite a lot older than Jacques (roughly twice his age when they first meet, I think). Furthermore, Jacques’ background and kind-heartedness remind Gerard of a girl who he considered his daughter. Gerard even tells Jacques when he is older, “I loved you like my own child, but that’s not all now. I love you like my lover.” While no actual incest occurs, I’m sure this alone will turn off plenty of readers.

[image description: Gerard comments to the maid that Jacques looked cute dressed up in aristocratic attire. She remarks, “What a fond father you are.” He thinks on this, then repeats, “A fond father. I see.”]

Finally, there’s some unfortunate Man in a Dress style transphobia. Gerard disguises himself as a woman briefly for plot reasons and, in short, some characters note that the look doesn’t suit him. The way it’s executed is much gentler than most other Man in a Dress joking I’ve seen, but it’s still bothersome.

Overall, Gerard & Jacques isn’t bad. In fact, I’d say that Yoshinaga pulls off the story rather well within the confines of the problematic scenario. However, I think the story would’ve been far better without the rape between the two leads.

[image description: Jacques frowns at a manuscript and says, “No matter how many times I read this, it’s still just a crappy, erotic trash novel.” Gerard replies, “It sells. What’s the problem?”]

If this review has made you curious despite the warnings, I do think it’s a worthwhile read so long as you are prepared for objectionable content. But for people put off by the various warnings, I’d encourage you to check out something else by Fumi Yoshinaga. My two personal favorite series from her are Antique Bakery (workplace slow burn drama) and What Did You Eat Yesterday? (half cookbook, half slice of life about a middle aged gay couple.) Neither of these are actually BL in the proper sense, but both prominently feature gay main characters.

*final verdict: I was put off by its premise when I first read it and my feelings on it haven’t much changed. It’s well-done, but the creator has other works I’d recommend more.*

[obtusemedia]

Top 25 Songs of 2018: Honorable Mentions

It’s year-end list season again! And with that comes my sixth annual top 25 list.

But before we countdown the best that 2018 gave us, here’s 15 songs that just missed the cut. Like in 2017, this year had more quantity than quality when it came to singles, meaning although there were only a couple legitimate contenders for the top spot, there were plenty of solid songs that I had to give a shout out to. So apologies to great acts like boygenius, Florence+The Machine and Childish Gambino (although he easily had the best music video this year) for just missing the cut.

Let’s get into it!

“Nobody” by Mitski

There are plenty of songs about loneliness, but Mitski turns that emotion into insanity on “Nobody.” 

Her emotions ramp up and become more desperate throughout the indie-pop track, as Mitski’s pleads for companionship intensify. She wants to find love, but frankly, she also just needs human connection. And as the one-word chorus repeats into oblivion — “Nobody, nobody, nobody, nobody...” the situation becomes more and more helpless.

My main issue with Mitski’s 2018 album, Be The Cowboy, was that most of the short vignette-style songs weren’t memorable. That’s not the case for the manic, disco-tinged “Nobody,” which instantly became a standout in her impressive catalog.

“Heat Wave” by Snail Mail

I’m not sure what it says about indie rock that its most hyped newcomer is mostly copying the sounds of the ‘90s, but when the tunes are as good as “Heat Wave,” I’m not going to complain.

Nineteen-year-old prodigy Lindsey Jordan, aka Snail Mail, delivers with a simple love song perfect for lazy summer days. Jordan’s vocals are charmingly warbly and mesh well with the crunchy guitars that wouldn’t sound out of place on a Pavement album. It’s catchy enough for soccer moms and with enough alt-rock nostalgia to grab any indie rocker’s ear. There’s a good reason Snail Mail’s star has shot to the top this year among the Pitchfork set.

“Me and Michael” by MGMT

IT’S THE COMEBACK OF THE CENTURY! 

That’s not even hyperbole: After they released three generation-defining classic singles, MGMT’s relevance disappeared after their 2010 album Congratulations intentionally alienated audiences (despite being pretty solid). Then, their 2013 self-titled album was straight-up bad.

But thankfully, MGMT decided to return to the synthpop jams that brought them success 11 years ago, while keeping their weirdo quirks intact. And it was a winning formula, as the bombastic single “Me and Michael” proves.

“Michael” is painfully ‘80s, from the glittery keyboards to the thundering drum machine beat. Yet, many of the instruments are off-key and frontman Andrew VanWyngarden’s hipstery vocals aren’t exactly Duran Duran-esque. And the clash of styles helps create a solid tune, the band’s best in eight years.

“Elastic” by Joey Purp

Remember how Azealia Banks used to pump out hip-house bangers like it wasn’t even hard? Then she lost her mind, and now “212″ is a relic of a better time.

Thankfully, Chicago native Joey Purp is picking up the slack, although he puts a much more minimalist spin on the sound. “Elastic” is a very simple, skeletal song, with Purp nearly mumbling over a steady, bouncing beat with couple vocal samples to liven things up. “Elastic” shows that when it comes to club bangers, you really don’t need to overthink things.

“Nameless, Faceless” by Courtney Barnett

Melbourne indie rocker Courtney Barnett’s second album, Tell Me How You Really Feel, had a noticeably more frustrated outlook than her 2015 debut. A prime example is the album’s lead single, “Nameless, Faceless,” all about the difficulties of being a woman in a world that treats them horribly.

Barnett goes after internet trolls during the song’s verses with the droll, snarky tone that made her indie-famous, but the chorus is where things take a dark turn. Paraphrasing The Handmaid’s Tale author Margaret Atwood, Barnett sings, “Men are scared that women will laugh at them ... Women are scared that men will kill them.” She then adds that she holds her keys between her fingers in-between her fingers to protect herself at night. 

It’s a fearful song for fearful times, and more proof that Barnett is one of indie rock’s best songwriters.

“Electricity” by Silk City and Dua Lipa

Producer giants Diplo and Mark Ronson teamed up to create a perfect homage to ‘90s house. It’s bouncy, effervescent, and features one of pop’s best voices: Dua Lipa. The fact that a dance jam this perfect was only barely a hit in the U.S. is a total shame.

“After The Storm” by Kali Uchis feat. Tyler, The Creator and Bootsy Collins

I’m not typically an R&B guy, but I couldn’t resist newcomer Kali Uchis’ debut Isolation this year, especially its smooth throwback single, “After The Storm.”

Uchis glides over the off-key synth backdrop, expressing post-breakup optimism with ease. The sticky melody and relaxed vibe are helped out by a blast of smooth (if off-kilter) loverman shtick from Tyler, The Creator and some fun adlibs from funk icon Bootsy Collins. But this is Uchis’ show, and she barely needs to lift a finger to hold listeners’ command.

“Please Don’t Die” by Father John Misty

After releasing an overstuffed and underwhelming album last year, Father John Misty, AKA singer-songwriter Josh Tillman, decided to keep it simple this year, and I’m back on his bandwagon.

One reason for that is how blunt and personal his songwriting is again, particularly on “Please Don’t Die.” Tillman’s concept album God’s Favorite Customer focuses on the real-life story of how his depression caused him to hide out in a hotel for two straight months, and the heartbreaking “Please Don’t Die” tackles this scenario from the singer’s wife’s point of view. 

She constantly reminds Tillman that his potential suicide won’t be a victimless crime during the soaring chorus, and he laments how his spiraling has affected her in the somber verses. There’s no snarky winks to the audience here — just Tillman nakedly depicting how his emotional chaos effected those around him.

“My My My!” by Troye Sivan

I never paid too much attention to Australian former YouTuber Troye Sivan. Now I’m regretting that choice, thanks to “My My My!”

Pure bubblegum pop doesn’t play much of a role in today’s music landscape, so it’s hard to call any version of that subgenre “modern,” but that’s honestly how I would describe this jam. It’s a slice of stuttering tropical pop with some indie and ‘80s flavor to it, and Sivan himself sells the tune like he’d been singing these types of songs for years in a boy band. I’ll be keeping tabs on Sivan from here on out.

“Light On” by Maggie Rogers

Last year, I was floored by Maggie Rogers’ unique blend of rootsy nature sounds with blue-eyed soul, particularly in her stellar single “Dog Years.” It seems like she isn’t fixing what ain’t broken, as “Light On” is a continuation of that sound.

Although it isn’t quite as transcendent as her early singles, “Light On” is still a quality power ballad, with a nice mix of acoustic guitar and organic synths, complete with a showstopping, melancholy chorus. Rogers still knows her way around a gorgeous melody, and I’m sure she’ll continue to fill her niche as the best music you’ll probably hear at REI.

“The Opener” by Camp Cope

Camp Cope have had it up to here with shitty men, and “The Opener” is a scathing indictment of the hypocrisy the trio constantly face.

Lead singer Georgia McDonald wails over a ‘90s alt-rock groove about sexism both in the dating world as well as the music industry. The latter is where she reserves her sharpest lines, going after men who’ve said her success isn’t her own doing, and being told to book smaller venues by the same guys who will “preach equality” in public. And of course, how do these men in power maintain their faux-feminist image? “‘Just get a female opener, that’ll fill the quota.’” Scathing.

“We Appreciate Power” by Grimes feat. HANA

If “We Appreciate Power,” the (as of writing this) brand-new Grimes single, was trimmed by a minute or so, it might have made the actual list. It’s a smidge on the repetitive side at its current 5:30-length.

But dear lord: This is a BANGER. As just about every critic has said, the production here is an aggro mix of Nine Inch Nails and Korn, complete with squealing guitars, a pounding, synthetic beat and some random screams thrown in the mix for fun. And yes — it works. Put it on during the next workout and see how fast you start going.

Throw in some legitimately creepy lyrics about artificial intelligence and totalitarianism and you’ve got a classic Grimes single. If only it was a bit shorter...

“Lake Erie” by Wild Pink

For a band from Brooklyn, Wild Pink are shockingly good at creating music that sounds like the sun setting on a Midwestern corn field. 

“Lake Erie” is so close to The War On Drugs’ signature sound — heartland rock mixed with whispered vocals and shoegaze-y atmospherics — that I’d call it a ripoff, if it wasn’t arguably better than anything The War On Drugs has put out in a few years. It’s emotive, gorgeous and not too pretentious, like something Bruce Springsteen could’ve released 35 years ago.

“Noid” by Yves Tumor

No, unfortunately, “Noid” isn’t about retro Domino’s ads. It’s much darker than a claymation pizza mascot.

Yves Tumor’s art-rock track is fairly normal for its first half. It even has shades of Marvin Gaye’s “What’s Going On” in the lyrics wondering about the sad state of the world. Then, things get weird: the bass starts playing in a different key, the background fills with static and screams, and Yves Tumor keeps singing along, and his lyrics about being “scared for my life” start to seem less like a protest anthem and more like a horror soundtrack. It’s a chilling experience.

“Party For One” by Carly Rae Jepsen

Queen Carly releases another pop banger and you think it’s not going on my list? Come on, now.

I’m not going to pretend like “Party For One,” Jepsen’s triumphant breakup anthem, is on the same level as her all-time classic singles. It’s the kind of bubblegum that she could write in her sleep.

But why penalize a perfectly great song just because the artist has done better in the past? “Party For One” might not be “Run Away With Me,” but it’s still a solid piece of synth cheese that no doubt makes Canada proud.

[issysindieblog]

INTERVIEW - SPINN

SPINN are quickly winning over a fan-base across the UK from locals in their hometowns in Liverpool where they grew up to now adoring teen girls and this comes as no surprise to anybody. They have the cheek yet optimism of a new band despite completing their final lineup only last year and will no doubt continue to roar through the UK music scene and gain an army of avid supporters in years to come. This month, the boys are embarking on a tour of the UK, playing a series of gigs up and down the country from Glasgow to Bristol. They finish the tour off on the 28th September back in their home-city of Liverpool (O2 Academy 2 Liverpool). They've impressively already managed to sell out three of their six dates and have recently announced that they have been signed to American label, anti fragile music. The thing that the band are chuffed about though? The fact that one of their songs, It's Not Getting Better, was played on Made in Chelsea earlier on this week.

SPINN have released eight songs so far, including a self-titled EP which was released in April of this year. Singles of their's include catchy 'It's Not Getting Better' which is a song that stays in your head for days after first hearing it's memorable lyrics ( "you know it's killing me being here, killing me, being here.”) and groovy guitar lines which resemble that of early work from Blossoms.

Pictured below, SPINN.

So, (currently) 180,000 monthly Spotify listeners, a UK tour this month with half of the dates sold out and a growing army of supporters, I had questions for Johnny from SPINN and these were his answers... Maybe I'm slightly biased, but I think that these are the best answers to an interview that I've ever read.

1. Was there a particular moment that you realised that SPINN were becoming popular?

I was once getting a meal deal in Tesco and I saw somebody walk in the shop wearing a SPINN teeshirt. I was absolutely buzzing that somebody was wearing some of our merch and later on they messaged our Instagram page and said they'd seen me but had been too scared to come up and say hello. The same thing happened to me when I saw Ex-Everton Winger Steven Pienaar in a different Tesco. That made me realise we were doing something right, I still think we've got a while to go before we can say we're properly popular though. Just got to keep working innit x

2. Away from making music and gigging, what are your favourite things to do together?

Honestly just knocking about with each other like we always have, is what we like to do. Usually it can be anything from just walking around the shops together to going on nights out and staying up till 8AM. Last week Louis had to stay at my flat and we spent the time going to Tesco and prank calling Sean.

This has been a very Tesco centric interview I'll try and steer away from that for the rest of it. Right that's besides the point, as long as we're still knocking about together and taking the piss out of each other, we'll enjoy it x

3. You're going on tour soon, do you each have an essential item you will take with you?

I try to bring a book of some sort for the drive currently, it's Nine Stories by J.D Salinger

Andy ALWAYS brings a hairdryer and various hair products, rocking a bowl when you're on the road ain't no easy fete!

Sean usually just brings himself, that leather jacket he's always got on. A spare bass guitar wouldn't go a miss either, though. Once he left his on the side of the motorway when we were on the way back from Derby, good times.

Louis brings his Aston Villa blanket and 20 Litres of Vape liquid, the little fiend.

4. What/who are your major influences?

Collectively: The Drums, The Smiths, The La's, The Cure, Orange Juice, Ride, My Bloody Valentine.

Individually: Too many to list xoxo

5. Let’s fast forward five years from now, what do you see SPINN doing?

Ideally I'd like to get to the level of Wolf Alice or The 1975 are at now, that would be the dream. If we keep on working then I can see no reason why we can't get there, if we don't then that's fair enough, but we have to at least try! Anyway that's the dream, as long as we can make a living off the band and keep writing music that develops and matures with us then I'll be happy.

6. Do you have any pre-gig rituals?

I always have to go on stage last, I don't know why. At particularly big gigs we listen to 'I Am A God' by Kanye West before we go on, because it's such a good tune for getting hyped to. Other than that, apart from the odd bout of stage fright it's usually just a beer with the boiz before going on.  

7. How has your music evolved since you first began playing music together?

I think our songwriting has definitely improved. When we listen to our new stuff compared to our older songs, it's just in a different league, that only comes with experience though. I think that us touring has definitely helped us realise what is what in terms of song structures and live performances. So to answer the question properly, yeah we've got a lot better (even though we thought we were boss before when we weren't lol).

8. Can you describe each member of the band in under ten words?

Andy - A man who loves his haircut more than life itself.

Sean - Donned in a tight leather jacket he's often quite hungover.

Louis - A small man, usually asleep in his Aston Villa blanket.

Me (Johnny) - Taller than the other four, basically the god of dancing xoxo

9. How long have you been playing together? 

Louis joined about a year ago, but we've been a band for about 2 and a bit years. Saying that, I don't think we would be SPINN without Louis so therefore I'm gonna say a year.

10. What has been your favourite and least favourite venue to play so far?

My favourite was The Magnet in Liverpool. There's so many boss memories there but now it's been turned into one of those chain comedy clubs which is something that chips away at my soul every time I walk past.

My least favourite was The Sitwell Tavern in Derby. Everybody who came to see us was lovely and so were the other bands and the promoters Dominic (just wanted to make sure if they read this they know I had a boss time at the gig and in the chippy afterwards ;) ).

But, and it's a big but, the pub had fuck off massive "The S*n" flags up all over the gaff which frankly isn't something we like to see anywhere, as we think that that rag is scum, sorry not sorry.

SPINN set out on their debut headline tour this month at the following locations:

21st September - Surf Cafe, Tynemouth

22nd September - Broadcast, Glasgow

25th September - Record Junkee, Sheffield

26th September - Hy Brasil Music Club, Bristol 

27th September - Thousand Island (formerly Upstairs at The Grage), London

28th September - O2 Academy 2 Liverpool

Tickets are available to buy now at https://www.musicglue.com/spinn-band/ and all of SPINN's music is available to stream on Apple Music and Spotify.

[jayne-hecate-writer]

Controversial thoughts

Some of you are going to find what I say here to be down right offensive, some of you are likely to be so angry as to scrap this post before you have even got to the end, but here goes... I really like The Last Jedi and so should you.

Before I explain my thinking, let me just point out that this article is likely to contain spoilers to the whole franchise, including the most recent release, Solo, so be warned before you proceed into this.

I have been watching the films again on DVD and I have noticed a few things that had not previously occurred to me and I am tying these in, along with things I have seen discussed on Youtube and in articles on other forms of social media. 

Child Abuse and religious zealotry is everywhere:- My first thoughts are that the Star Wars universe does not like children very much. There are so many slaves and orphans among children in the Star Wars Universe, that it borders on being utterly despicable. Of all of the characters we encounter, the only ones shown on film to have loving and supportive family are the few various Royals. Even the gentle and loving Luke Skywalker has a tempestuous relationship with his Uncle Owen that borders on some seriously controlling behaviour. Later in the film, what family he has left are brutally murdered, leaving him with significant levels of survivor guilt and played nicely into the hands of an elderly religious fanatic, who drags him off to fight in a war. How old is Luke at this point? He is a teenager, a child in everything but name.

We then find out that Luke’s estranged father is a genocidal maniac, who also happens to be a religious fanatic and deeply opposed to the religion of the old man who it turns out, not only abandoned him to burn to death in lava in his own youth, but has stolen his children from him. When Luke wont change his allegiance, his father attempts to murder him. We get a final act of redemption but Luke still finds himself alone once again, having been indoctrinated into a religious cult that demands celibacy of its converts, the likes of which the Catholic church would be proud of and we all know how that ended for so many innocent children. May the force protect all of those children who were ripped away from their families so as to be indoctrinated into the Jedi faith. We will never know how many of them were abused by the Jedi faithful once they got there. We know that significant numbers of them are murdered by one of their own or even killed in battle as they learn to become child soldiers.

In Rogue One, we see more child soldiers, more abuse victims and more adults filled with trauma and damage. It is also a truly remarkable film in that every character we love is killed off, including the religious zealot who though completely blind, walks across an open battlefield chanting his faith. 

Moving into episodes seven, eight and even nine (which at the time of writing is still to come out), we see similar patterns. In Rey, Finn and Kylo Ren we once again we see children that have been abused and failed by the adults around them. Rey is forced to work in slavery for starvation rations, after her alcoholic parents sold her for booze money. I dread to think how and why as a pretty young girl with no one to protect her, she learned to fight as well as she has. 

Finn was abducted as an infant and forced to become a child soldier, a life that psychological studies here in our own universe has shown to have terrible consequences for the survivors that make it to adulthood. You can see written through out his arc, just how damaged he is by this experience.

Ben Solo was abandoned by his father Han, who was too damaged by his own childhood, to be able to communicate with his son. The boy was then sent away by his mother Leia, to be trained in the ways of a religious cult. Once there, the only family that this lonely and frightened young boy has, tried to murder him! Is it any wonder that he turned to the Dark Side and the abusive relationship and religious mania of Snoke? As Ben Solo becomes Kylo Ren, he is more and more eaten up inside by the religious cult that is Snoke’s dark faith and he is manipulated into becoming a murderer and despot. 

When Rey joins the resistance, she is barely out of her childhood and she too becomes yet another child warrior and she is told that by an accident of birth she is destined to join the religious cult of the Jedi. Does she have a choice in this? It appears not to be the case.

When you look at her relationship with Finn, he finds in her the first person in his life to offer him any form of kindness away from the military and more out of his own traumatic experience, he begins to love his newly found friend, to the point that he tries to drag her away from danger. Of course the religious mania rises up once again and Kylo attempts to murder both, before Rey vanishes off around the galaxy to find a religious zealot to save them all from another bunch of religious maniacs.

The whole Star Wars universe is built on child slavery, child suffering and a huge amount of loneliness, which is heavily buried in religious zealotry. Tp me this is utterly heart breaking. With the release of Solo, we once again see more children kept in slavery for the labour they can provide to a crime syndicate. Han can only escape this terrible life by joining the army, which he later deserts when he realises that he is basically cannon fodder in a cause he does not believe in. He is captured and imprisoned for desertion, where he meets his soon to be lifelong friend, Chewbacca. Chewiewas is held in terrible, if not horrific conditions where he is forced to feed upon the bodies of other prisoners just to survive. His humanity or rather his sentience is ignored and we discover that his family are being used as slave labour. The whole Star Wars Universe is just awful and it is a wonder that any of them actually managed to survive childhood to become the damaged and traumatised adults that they later become.

So why is the Last Jedi so much better than people think? 

Simple... Because in this story, a group of child abuse survivors try to make the universe better for those who come after them. 

Despite Kylo Ren’s trained murderous impulses and traumatic child soldier life (that included having to murder his own father to win the approval of his mentor and reinforce his distance from his family), even he cannot bring himself to murder his own mother. 

Poe Dameron learns that the myth of heroic death truly does not in reality exist. He grows as a person and learns that the lives of his friends and colleagues do actually matter, losing the bleak and destructive nihilism that endangers all around him.

Finn finds that he has inner resilience that he did not know was there and as he finds this, he helps yet another lonely adult, child abuse survivor. If you look at the sad life of Rose, you will see that she is the only survivor of her entire family and it was her older sister who basically raised her for the last few years of her childhood, as they clung together hoping not to be murdered. Finn and Rose find each other and in doing so begin to support each other, to overcome the psychological damage that they have suffered at the hands of others. 

Rey finds inside her self the strength of will to let go the anger she feels for having been abandoned by her parents as a young child, although she replaces them in her life with religious zealotry which on reflection, may not be all that healthy. 

The character of DJ points out that the continuous state of war is destroying both sides and the only winners are those businesses that sell weapons to both sides. He is also one of the very few people in the whole galaxy who is prepared to admit that he can be wrong about things. His enlightenment almost goes unregarded and yet at no time does he actively murder anyone. He is a peaceful man who is just trying to survive in a hateful galaxy.

As for Luke, he is the only truly remarkable character. Luke seeks and finally finds redemption as he forgives himself the terrible things that he has done in the name of his religion and in doing so, sacrifices himself so that his last remaining family and friends can escape being murdered. His last act was so noble and so brave, it truly showed him to be filled with love and compassion for all forms of life. He also tried to bring an end to the religious order that has caused so much strife through out the galaxy. Of them all, he is the only to understand the true legacy of the Jedi. 

With this much pain and suffering going on, is it any wonder that Luke, Leia, Kylo, Rey, Finn, Rose and Poe all suffer with some degree of trauma induced sadness or mental health condition? The fact that any one of them can act with any degree of kindness towards another being, when the Galaxy is run by a series of evil despots and each of them has a significant history of loss and abuse, is frankly amazing. 

Finn running away from the war to save his only true friend from an evil dictatorship that has sworn to murder them all is not only brave, but an act of love. Rey can see the harm done to Kylo and she thinks that her kindness and compassion can save him. 

There is however one character that remains unrepentant, selfish and even racist. C3PO... He who cannot abide Jawas, he who sees Wookies as less than people. Yes, C3PO harbours, if you go through all of the movies, views that even fascist groups would find distasteful. At no point in the saga does C3PO seek to atone for his hateful words and deeds. If anything, he continues though out to be condescending towards all forms of organic life, blatantly derisive of his friends and rather quick to commit acts of cowardice and betrayal, the likes of which are only equalled by Captain Phasma. At the end of the movie, when Luke leaves the base to face down Kylo Ren, he turns to C3PO and does not actually speak to him. Why is this? I wonder if this is because Luke knows that C3PO is really a colossal golden bigot! 

The back story of Phasma by the way is once again of childhood suffering and military service. She is yet another child victim in the Star Wars universe, it is all so painfully sad. 

What makes The Last Jedi special is that at last, many of those responsible for terrible acts against children are finally given some degree of payback for the harm they have caused. At the very end, it leaves us with some hope that the children will rise up and bring about a new order of peace and an end to childhood suffering. To be honest, after all of the abuse, all of the suffering and all of the enforced child labour, it was nice to see some kids working out that they have the strength to rebel against those who would harm them.

The Last Jedi director Rian Johnson is among the first to acknowledge the suffering of children in the Star Wars universe. Even in the kids TV shows such as Rebels, the orphan Ezra is turned into a child soldier and religious zealot. The Clone Wars series saw many more child soldiers indoctrinated into the Jedi order and sent to die in battle. So well done Rian Johnson, I really enjoyed your movie. 

By looking at social media though, it appears that I am alone among a sea of miserable voices. 

Finally, my fellow Star Wars fans, when the stars of the movies we love so dearly are forced to to retreat from social media because of the bullying actions of a significant number of  fans, maybe it is time that we took a long hard look at ourselves? After all, it is only a fucking movie and a fucking kids movie at that. Disney may not have the best record, but they are giving us something that would otherwise have died back in the eighties

[cyrelia-j]

[Fic] Me Tangere (Jack/Parmak)

Continuing with this since a bug kinda bit me on the pairing. Still for @borg-apologist who I want to give such massive undying thanks to for being so encouraging with this ridiculously self indulgent series. I don't normally do romance but I love this damn sappy over the top gooeyness of this universe and these characters.

Anyway, this is a sequel to Dear Jessie which is from Parmak's POV and can be found HERE

Note: This does feature C132 Parmak (Don’t know what that means? click HERE for the in depth but basically it’s an off canon version who’s different from traditional canon Parmak) and a LOT of headcanon made up stuff.

Summary: Ten years after moving to Cardassia Jack often finds himself reflecting on all the Good things in his life sure to keep his timers for them all. Two and a half kids, one Kelas, and a perfect morning in the garden, and he still can't quite believe it's all real.

Warnings: Fluff to the max, intersex Parmak who's pregnant in this story, talks of Jack's mental, impulse control, anxiety, augment issues, Jack's POV so it's very stream of conscious and Julian still doesn't come off too well because it's Jack's POV, past bad parenting and implied child abuse, Alternate Reality (mainly the same universe but averted Dominion War and some characters meeting under different circumstances), brief sexual content too

So if you wanted a sequel, here's your sequel :)

Juggling was one of the first things that he learned to do when he became aware that he was “different”. His father used to have all sorts of euphemisms that he would use aside from “different”. His father, his mother, any number of black and whites rushing around the busy house like one of the old gala scenes in the movies that he used to enjoy watching. His father would also say that juggling was a Supreme Waste (capitals!) of the gifts that he’d been given and Jack - Jack of all trades he liked to call himself using his middle name instead of the dull old John J”-  said if the old man paid all that money he could do anything he wanted and if he didn’t sleep he’d have more time. The old man didn’t rightly have an answer to that one, Jack winning, counting the score down as he learned to juggle eleven knives at once by the time he was thirteen.

Time, time was something the old man used to rail about. Brevis tui tempu est his old man would drone at him while his mother smiled and told him to listen because the old bastard was very wise. He’d go on about a lot of things often, frequently, all the time Very Loudly until Jack started hiding from him considering the matter of time on one of the high branches of the old oaks where they couldn’t easily reach him; at least not until they cut every one of them down. Jack considered that mutants like him should live longer if anything. But the old man didn’t like his Truths contradicted firing decrees from behind the old mahogany desk like a God himself. That desk was huge, austere, like the old man himself all dark eyebrows, dark eyes, sometimes turning into some giant owl in his vision or morphing to The General telling how some animals were more equal than others.

Jack was more equal than others. Jack was special. Jack was the investment of a lifetime buy sell buy till the old man jumped out the window just like one of those old fat cats in the twentieth century. Didn’t jump so much as pushed but that wasn’t anyone’s business but Jack and God’s and there was no God so it was Jack’s and Jack’s alone, damn right! Ah, amend that amend that, his business was his bondmate’s business too. Bondmate, husband, jailer warden, ah no, Incorrect thought with a capital “I”. Those Incorrect thoughts are fewer and fewer nowadays. Correct thought: Kelas is… everything. Kelas, Jessie, Kiss, and-

“Focus.” Jack hears the child’s voice and looks down, seeing his oldest looking up at him and he sets down all four of the large pots he’s been juggling, one after the other onto the sand. Jessie is nearly five now and is old enough now that ze recognizes when Jack’s mind needs to be tugged back with a small cue; like now. Kelas taught zem that, his brilliant Jessie picking it up so quickly. Correction, he thinks as he looks over to Kelas kneeling in the sand next to Kiss (“Kiss” because Jessie couldn’t say “Kesya” when ze was first born) adding water to the white sand to make a castle little by little. Their  child and Jack’s goddamn genius – is he or isn’t he a mutant little smirk ‘wouldn’t you like to know?’- bondmate is four months pregnant with their third. “Theirs”. That’s the correction that he makes. He’s gotten much better at those Johnny on the spot mental corrections since he met Kelas over ten years ago.

Kelas looks over at him and there’s this soft little smile, this look on his face that’s identical to the one he gave him in the Replimat the day they met, when Jack said he was blind and that Cardassia needed better optometrists if he couldn’t tell the difference between Jack and Julian with those spectacles and... shit... God there’s no God, no proof for God except that smile.  Jack had yelled at him with a jump off the table and Kelas had just laughed and then Jack was right there in his face and he’d stopped and looked down because he was just a little taller than Jack but he could see that Kelas was looking at him not afraid but like somehow Jack’s outburst was the most amazing thing he’d ever seen… I love you the more in that I believe you had liked me for my own sake and for nothing else. No, that’s Keats, not God Jesus, Mary, and Joseph same difference!

Jack thrives on the exercise he gets in that sprawling sand garden, succulents and other desert plants like one of the Zen gardens he’s seen pictures of making it a magical place like falling through a looking glass and finding the gardens of Ginkaku-ji on the other end instead of Underland. Well missing most of the coveted trees but he and Kelas and their family have spent years building it beautiful and art brought to life any why couldn’t the old man pay for some natural artistic painting enhancement because he can speak every language he tries to learn but he can’t capture Kelas or his children in more than memories. Ah right, because life isn’t perfect and if it was it would be dull and Jack is Absolutely not dull. He’s the Best Daddy as Jessie says and Kiss repeats and their children aren’t liars so that’s that. Every morning he’s out here barefoot in his loose trousers -how novel is that for him of all people not to be wearing a shirt?- with katas, with tumbles, sweat drenched before the sun is too high and his pale skin in has to be doused and drenched in sunscreen. Jack hatessunscreen.

He usually walks around the city with his big black UV umbrella.

Sometimes Jessie likes to drag the rake through the sand to make the patterns in the sand of the shared garden; this one is more secluded, closer to their modest dwelling than the others. Sometimes ze and Kiss fight over the rake; sometimes Jack joins in too though more often than not Kelas thwaps his shoulder with a book and tells him playfully to behave. Kelas will raise the big tome kissing him long and sweetly behind it, those full lips begging to be bitten ‘til they’re flushed dark gray, It’s one of many games they like to play, kissing until one or both kids yell “Aha!” declaring they’ve been spotted. They laugh when the book lowers and Jack is red and Kelas is just beaming with his glasses half askew. They have endless ridiculous little games they play and Jack is always amazed by how Good this is. Jack doesn’t remember his parents ever… doesn’t remember old George and Martha ever… old swampy ever being anything but cold to each other snip snap at the table clattering spoons and little presses of napkins to mouths.

“Right here, Jessie Jess mmhm. Your turn?” he asks going to one knee, letting himself be knocked backwards when ze yells “yes!” because they’re outdoors and outdoors they can be loud as they want. He gives a good dramatic death yell as his back hits the ground, holding his baby close a moment as he falls. Almost five, Jessie always corrects him, not a baby, Four years nine months nine days ten hours five minutes three seconds... and Jack watches his mouth, ensuring that any kisses are Cardassian presses of two quick fingers – index and middle – to each other. Things around his mouth make Jack anxious because he wants to nip and that leads to gnawing, to biting and that’s only acceptable if it’s Kelas.

Sometimes Kiss or Jessie will give him little nips to the rings on his fingers to show affection and he… doesn’t know how he feels about that because it’s special and theirs but it’s not typical as Bashir says with those castigating hidden expressions that he thinks that Jack can’t see just like he says it isn’t healthy for them to see the marks and the blood when he and Kelas kiss hard but they don’t get upset, they only laugh at how silly yadek and his red mouth look and… and Jack is Careful, always careful with the two of them because he would sooner die than hurt them and Kelas will tell him that he’s too most conscientious delicate and it isn’t necessary to self-flagellate and if he doesn’t knock it off he’s going to start calling him “Dimmesdale” which is absurd because Kelas is no Hester Prynne in any sense of the character and he should understand that  it absolutely is necessary to be careful because he broke too many children when he was a child even if he didn’t mean it and-

“Focus.” Jessie repeats, this time with a tap to his nose giving him a terribly weighty look; Jessie takes “helping daddy fix his head” very seriously. Jack blinks and nods. That’s a very serious second warning there!

“Right! We’re going upside down today hm hm?” Jessie nods excited, scampering off him, jumping at Jack the moment he stands back up. Jack catches zem easily around the waist, his baby a little monkey climbing up his shoulders. The air on Cardassia brings him alive even if it is warmer than he’s used to. Kelas says with a face, a precious Kelas face that he makes when something irritates him - cute, so cute will always be adorable a hundred two hundred, Jack doesn’t care - that the air of Nokar is the purest most amazing smell. He knows that Kelas still thinks about going back, away from Central, away from the southern continents to the Steppe, to the cold and Jack thinks it’s the funniest thing that a Cardassian would long for the cold but he understands it’s so much more than that.

Kelas is a misfit, a mutant too but a damn perfect one and Jack will fight anyone who disagrees.

But for all the stares and the whispers - which he can hear, always hear with his enhanced hearing - Jack has never found a place more of a home than on Cardassia Prime. Bashir, passing normal Federation mutt, Bashir asked him if he didn’t miss all the comforts of the Federation, the food, the culture, the people who didn’t glare or condescend and a list that went on and Jack had an epiphany. It was brilliant. He wrote it down he was pleased, he read it to Kelas, he read it to Lauren and Patrick and Sarina and a full audience around an evening bonfire to cheers and chirps in fact. Bashir wasn’t a mutant passing as normal, he was a basic passing as One of Them. Jack didn’t read it to Bashir because Bashir wouldn’t get it and the hell with him anyway! Jack didn’t have a lifetime of Federation comforts. He had a prison, he had walls and bars and “do this do that step jump sit behave be Normal!” He had a lifetime of people backing away from him making the sign of the damn cross and ha joke’s on them, mutants aren’t vampires and he could still bite throats out no matter how much garlic they used!

Jack grins big, wide, toothy, vicious as he wants when he looks at his children, when he looks at his Kelas and there’s nothing, no drug, no “Federation comforts” no religion, nothing that could ever bring him the high that their fearless answering smiles brings him. He walks through the streets with every damn one of these Cardassian Morlocks meeting him with a level stare, a sneer, a challenge to prove that he’s their equal. They challenge him when he recites his poetry. They aren’t afraid to shove at him in the crowded markets. They’re not afraid of confrontation, they revel in it, every Sunday morning Jack going into the city to argue with the same old woman selling flowers about every damn thing in the world and no shrinking back when he’s loud, no “shut up” no “behave” no belts no smacks to the mouth nothing but the same irritated arguments that they fling at each other.

Jack keeps grinning like a damn idiot as he looks up, feeling Jessie putting small hands in his ready to be raised up to the top of Mount Parnassus to meet the fabled muses. Jack can see a bit of a tremble of zes arms, but he shouts encouragement, a babbling string at his little hatchling - Kelas says “hatchling” though not properly hatched but that’s pedantic so shut up Jack! - turns himself upside down, holding a count of five before ze flops, Jack catching zem easily, the both of them laughing. It’s a life he never dreamed that he could have and no amount of holofeeds of the “successful augment doctor” like old technicolor popcorn matinee propaganda reels could ever convince him that he and that stupid smiling thing would ever be the same. As long as he lives, Julian will never know what it’s like to have people afraid of him and fuck him anyway. The sharp sound of a clap catches his sensitive ears, head jerking, that instinct relaxing in a split second seeing Kelas applauding him.

Applause isn’t a Cardassian custom, occasionally chirrups or a stamp of feet signify massive approval but Kelas thought the gesture was novel when he learned of it and Jack sees Kiss following along after him when he sets Jessie down. His children love “doing acrobatics with Daddy” and he’s just in awe of how far ahead their development is without being augmented. He teaches the children in their little community they’ve built too and he’s not just biased when he says that Kiss and Jessie are the best of the excitable lot.

“That’s my Jessie Jess hm! Shoot off the guns like Buffalo Bill! There’s a cowboy hm hm! We’ll have you swallowing swords for Emperor Wu mmhm!”

“Ze’s going to be a doctor!” Kelas calls out emphatically with that irritated face.

“Then an acrobat doctor hm. Think if the money you’d pull in adding a few flips to your routine hm. Climb that Bashir beanstalk like a diving board hm hm hop skip splash!”

“Splash!” That’s from Kiss before diving into the half-finished sand castle an explosion of wet sand everywhere on both zem and Kelas. Kelas laughs even as he spits out a mouthful of sand.

“Ah, right, definitely sticking with my usual practice, I think,” he says brushing sand from his lap.

Jack is sure that his face hurts from smiling, Jessie running past him bowling clear into the mess, into Kiss with a yell of “Splash!” the two tumbling around with their little growls play fighting, a little tinkling of beads reaching his ears too as they clank together. Jessie is slim, all limbs like Kelas, a wiry little worm as the two of them wrestle. It seems that Kiss will take after him, stockier, strong - nearly as strong as Jessie at three years six months fifteen days five hours nineteen minutes three seconds. His head is a constant count of every moment of their lives because every atomic second passing by is one that he wants to be thankful for. Kelas suggested that when he told him about the constant numbers and figures and unwanted thought intrusions that he might fill the space with everything positive in his life that he wants to track instead- fill his head so full to bursting that there isn’t room for anything else. So he does.

His head is full of clocks of all colors, shapes, appearance, a clock to count his children’s’ ages, to track the time since he and Kelas met, the time since number three (working title “Seska” still in progress”) was conceived, the time since the community where they live was completed, the time since their petition was approved for Lauren, Patrick, and Sarina to be remanded to their care (take that Nursed Ratched!), and at least half a dozen other events, tracking, counting, numbers flashing but these are Good numbers. Good numbers, good thoughts, his mind is usually a jumble of thoughts, numbers, followed by blinking impulses, little hands that pull at his limbs, his arms and legs, his mouth and make his body sometimes act outside his thoughts. It’s those impulses that he knows make Bashir say that he’s unpredictable and Dangerous and sometimes those thoughts intrude and lock him still afraid to act at all until he can pull himself out of it.

He has one now but it’s not a violent one. He hasn’t had a violent one in years and that one had a very specific trigger. That one was Elim Garak and wasn’t his fault no matter what Bashir said. That was one of the worst ones. That was one of the last ones and Not His Fault! It was Garak. It was Garak’s fault and Jack hates that Bashir thinks it’s some alpha male posturing poppycock that’s completely beneath him but according to Kelas it’s not on his place to speak to Bashir on the wicked devil that he takes to his bed. (Le Démon ! - c'est un Démon, vous savez, ce n'est pas un homme.-that’s Rimbaud predicting the wicked Morlock centuries in advance!). Anyone who scares his Kelas like that… anyone who causes his Kelas to flinch like that, anyone who makes that flash of fear cloud over his eyes is a devil no ifs and or buts and they’re dead!

The first time that he saw Kelas look at Garak, stop, panic, swallow and nearly take a step back terrified he lost it. Jack blanked out. He didn’t think at all. His hand was already moving for Garak’s throat by the time Bashir had tackled him because Bashir wasn’t as fast as him or as strong as him and if it wasn’t for Kelas asking him softly to please forgive it they’d see just how dangerous an augment that he was because no one including him hurts the family he went through hell to have. They used to tell him that he didn’t have empathy, that he was a monster incapable of understanding other people and he almost, almost believed them, but if Frankenstein’s creature wasn’t a monster, if Jack could weep silently, his head buried in Kelas’ lap when Kelas told him softly what Garak’s old iron monkey on his back, what his old man had done that had made him have that fear then he... no... no bad thoughts, not now. This is a Good place and a Good day and those thoughts are banished.

When Jack has that unconscious impulse now it’s to join in that raucous and he turns to Kelas, seeing him shaking the sand off the top of the long sleeveless tunic he’s wearing. meeting Jack’s eyes a moment.

“Splash,” Jack says in a rush and he catches those blue almost violet eyes widen in surprise and his mind would yell at him careful careful but he’s already moving with his hands on Kelas’ shoulders pushing him back to the sand. His mind corrects, his enhanced reflexes able to catch up with that recrimination that caution he’s pregnant he’s old he’s delicate he’s… laughing as Jack lands on top of him. Kelas is laughing loudly.

“Ah I should have known you were going to wait until the sand was gone. You always love getting me dirty!” He exclaims with a laugh as Jack in a rush of expelled nerves puts his face into Kelas’ neck sure he’s getting sand in his own hair now.

Kelas reminds him at least twice a day that he won’t hurt him- that he may be over a hundred but that doesn’t quite mean the same in their years and in any case their skeletons are more dense and durable. Sometimes he demonstrates it. Sometimes Jack even believes him. Jack turns his face about to say something to that but Kelas is already turning, kissing him silly, breathless, swearing at him in that melodic Northern tongue that’s like a slip of hisses, or angry snakes circling his ears.

“…sorry,” he says instinctively because sorry is what they always told him to say when he Did Something and he said it so much he used to like to see how much of a curse he could put behind those words.

“No you’re not,” Kelas mutters, trying not to smile, his hands sliding sandy, gritty over Jack’s sticky sweaty back holding him there on top before Jack can scramble off. “Mmm but that’s alright, I think your punishment should be to finish what you started.”

“Yadek has one baby you can’t give him one yet, Daddy!” he hears Jessie yelling at him and that only makes Kelas laugh even louder, the lines around his eyes crinkling, ridges flushing darker as he just… smiles up at Jack.

“Ah well… perhaps we’ll have to wait then,” Kelas says not moving his hands from Jack’s back in the slightest. His hands are strong, slightly calloused with the work that he does in the lab with Lauren now. He kneads at the muscles with determination and Jack feels like he might pool into goo dripping, soaking into the sand or into Kelas. That’s an idea- totally perfect idea.

“That right hm? No making new babies til this one’s done hm hm?”

“Can’t have two at once,” Jessie confirms terribly seriously. Jack smiles while Kelas keeps kneading at his back. Well, his little hatchling may have a numerical point but there’s always room for more practice because number three took so long it surely was because they hadn’t practiced enough and number four… ah impractical meandering illogical thoughts but-

“Maybe if we make you into an ovipositor... I bet Sarina could do it,” He hears Lauren’s voice and doesn’t ask how long she’s been standing there because Lauren is like the wind flitting in, out, hot, cold, but always there in some form. He doesn’t say that she’s like his sister but he hears their neighbors calling her that without correction and it’s strange but it’s Good and there’s a counter running for the first time someone called her his sister: three years two months five days four hours eighteen minutes thirty four seconds…

“An ovipositor? Ha! You couldn’t make a Kranessan fly hm!” The Kranessans, he learned were famed for their elaborate zip lines through the mountain passes.

“And you couldn’t make old Jala a rich woman if you tried,” she fires back with an arch of her eyebrow holding out her only to have Jessie and Kiss rush past her towards their house. She shrugs with a sigh. “I’ll see that they get to their lesson. Mr. Gok is teaching today and…” She pauses there, letting the old familiar rejoinder slip away unsaid. It’s become more of a small joke between them now.

There’s buzzing that Jack hears just then and he watches as a large dragonfly double wings gold, glistening in the sunlight as it hovers into the yard. Ah, right the little attendance drone, one of Patricks dozens of creations flying, beeping, walking around their compound. The newly elected council’s relaxed restrictions on sedition and unlawful assembly years back were what allowed him and Kelas to work tirelessly into one of the first communal living spaces outside of Central. There were more that had cropped up always monitored for radicals but as more sprang up, as more shared spaces came with their family dining halls and sand gardens and families sharing the grounds outside their modest homes, the more accepted they were.

Ah acceptable as Northerner and outcast refuse but there was no better refuse and no better life and Jack reaches up to sign off on the PADD the dragonfly is holding that Jessie and Kiss will be in class today outside with the other children. He snorts thinking of old Jala and older Gisha (and how Kelas always gets so hotly indignant when he calls them that saying they’re hardly older than he is) always hovering around chattering whenever he and Kelas make love. He’s heard them over stone walls, through fences, once catching their eyes with a curious blink before they waved him on and that… isn’t Normal, he thinks but he sometimes catches other couples or other triads outside their homes together in some partly secluded space with little mind paid. Sometimes he’ll hear a rattle of beads and he can always tell when Jala and Gisha are jabbering at each other about whether it’s better or worse for fertility if one is silent or loud. Jala thinks silent. Gisha thinks loud.

Kelas is always loud and Lauren says the two of them have a bet each time on which it will be.

Jala has yet to win once, and Lauren lets them know she has her data prepared whenever Kelas is ready to go over their new formulations for perfume tonics they’ve devised – fragrant and flavorful particles that confer different effects when “scented” from the air. Kelas looks thoughtful as he hooks an ankle around the small of Jack’s back, pushing that swollen belly up against him completely undoing him.

“Thirty minutes should be enough,” he hears Kelas say thinking sand is a challenge and rough and irritating and sand is nice beneath his bare feet but a cruel menace elsewhere and his hands are already beneath Kelas’ hip with a hurried murmur of “other leg other leg,” getting to his knees. Kelas wrapping around him like a beautiful pale vine, his hair half out of it braid, those glasses already mussed. Jack thinks he hears some impressed click from the other side of the wood fence marveling at his augmented strength.

He prefers to take it slow, to savor every touch, every press of Kelas’ mouth to his chest, every sigh, every push into Kelas’ body and Kelas into his too. Time is short, so short but the longer he can drag every perceived moment out, the closer to immortality in a beautiful vacuum where seconds aren’t ticks but instead Kelas’ breaths and slow steady beats of his heart. Ah, but now time is a rush and it always surprises him how excited his body is for Kelas in ways it is for nothing else.  Ah, the old women think they’ve seen strength? They haven’t seen anything, Jack holding that full weight with one arm now panting, quickly tugging himself free from trousers, from undergarments. Kelas is already whining as Jack starts biting his shoulder ridges hitching the hem of his tunic up with that free hand, Kelas squirming into position, a loud breathy cry when Jack enters him halfway, readjusts with both hands on his ass like he weighs nothing, driving right deep to his center.

And for that moment, time stops.