#hmmmm..... don't like the quality of these

[naptimed]

myungsoo: it'll be good for you to have a marine on the team :)

+ he figured it out eventually

[seven-winged-liar]

I don't think i'll finish this one as it is but I still think it looks kinda cool

[why-animals-do-the-thing]

I promised you some lions! Let's talk about manes, males, and management.

This is Tandie, the current male lion at the Woodland Park Zoo.

Notice anything odd about him? He's got one of those hilarious awkward teenager manes. Except... this cat is nine years old.

I was, of course, immediately curious.

Manes serve a lot of purposes for male lions, including being an indicator of health and fitness - it's actually a sexually selected trait and a social signal. Mane texture / hair quality / length is dependent on nutrition and the body having energy to grow (and carry around!) that much hair! The color is also a signal: males with darker manes have been found to have higher testosterone levels.

In one research report, wild males were much more likely to avoid a lion decoy when it had a longer or darker mane - but the girls really loved a dark mane. It's thought this is because a long, dark mane is an indicator of mate quality. Males with longer, darker manes have higher testosterone and were pretty healthy: meaning they had more energy for fighting, had a better chance of recovering if they got injured, and generally had a higher rate of offspring survival. Manes matter!

So, back to Tandie. He was actually born at the Woodland Park Zoo in 2014 alongside two brothers, to dad Xerxes and mother Adia.

This was Xerxes (rip).

Obviously, a very large, dark, lush mane on Xerxes here. So where did these blond muttonchops come from on his son?

I asked the zoo docents and got an answer that didn't make a lot of sense. They told me that after the three cubs grew into adolescents, they were moved to the Oakland Zoo together. But living together suppressed his testosterone, and he never grew a mane.

Hmmmm.

Here's a photo from 2016, when the brothers debuted at Oakland. They're a year and a half old in this photo.

(Photo Credit: Oakland Zoo)

And here's from an announcement for their third birthday.

(Photo credit: Oakland Zoo)

Okay, so these dudes obviously all were growing manes as of 2017. I think Tandie is the one on the left in the first photo, and laying down in the middle on the second. What happened?

I was just in the Bay Area for a zoo road trip, of course I went to Oakland and tracked down a docent to ask some questions.

It turns out that shortly after the brothers turned three, they started acting like adult male lions: they started scuffling regularly. It's a normal social thing for male lions to live in groups, called coalitions, but according to my lion experts there's generally a baseline level of some social jostling within them. It wasn't quite clear from what the docent said if they couldn't manage the boys together, or if they just wanted to avoid the scratches and small wounds that result from normal lion behavior. Regardless, they put all three of the boys on testosterone blockers in order to be able to keep them together as a social group.

Now, I don't know a lot about the use of hormone alteration as a form of captive animal management, except in the case of birth control. I don't think it's something that's unethical - there was just a webinar on it that I saw go by - but I don't think it's commonly done with big cats. Lions have kind of complicated reproductive cycles, and for instance, we've been learning that female lions can take much longer to come into estrus again than expected after coming off hormonal birth control.

In males, testosterone blockers (or being neutered) means they lose their manes. This is why a lot of rescues will do a vasectomy on their males instead of a neuter - it allows them to keep their mane and the social signals that accompany it.

Tandie returned home to Woodland Park Zoo after Xerxes passed in early 2022, and the docent told me all of the lions had been off their blockers "for while." I'd guess those things happened around the same time, since bringing the trio down to a duo at Oakland would reduce some of the social tensions.

Hormones are such interesting things, though. One of Tandie's brothers has a full mane again, and the other is still totally mane-less.

As for Tandie, his mane is growing back in, and it looks like he might rival his dad for length and coloration.

He started here, in February:

Yesterday:

What a difference four months (and maybe proximity to a girl) makes!

[wolfiesmoon]

My princess

baji x fem!reader

another one for my baji girlies😘😘😘😘😘😘

do not be fooled by the title by the way this is not what it seems😈 @riabriyn one tag for uuuu

Also warning there's a few swear words!

"So, where is he?" your friend asked, glancing at her watch. You had finally promised your friends that they'd get to meet your new boyfriend. They complain that he's all you've been talking about lately and you can't really blame them since that's the truth.

You're just really happy that you have a boyfriend like the rest of them, is all.

"He should arrive right about now." You smiled happily. You can't wait to see him already.

You heard the sound of a motorcycle in the distance and your smile widened, knowing he was about to arrive. Oh, you'll show him off so hard. All your friends are gonna be so jealous.

When he stopped in front of you and your friends, you ran up to him and hugged him before he could even step off the bike. "I missed you, babe!"

"You literally saw me yesterday." He sounded annoyed but he hugged you back.

You looked back at your friends as Baji got off the bike, eyebrow raising at their shocked expressions.

"That's... your boyfriend?" One of them asked cautiously. You nodded slowly.

"Girl, you should have told us your boyfriend is uhhh... a delinquent." Your friend picked her words carefully, too afraid to upset your mystery of a boyfriend.

"But I told you about him..." Baji was looking in between all of you, trying to understand your collective confusion.

"You told us that he's your little princess and that he brings you flowers and takes you to cat cafés. I think all of us collectively imagined something different."

"All these things still hold true, though. Can't he be a delinquent but also super sweet?" You shrugged. You didn't lie a single time when you said those things.

"You call me your what now?" Baji placed a hand on your shoulder, still in disbelief.

"I call you my little princess!" You smiled warmly at him, turning around and hugging him once more. Despite his shock, he hugged you back again.

"Why the fuck would you call me that? Couldn't you have picked something better?" Your friends just watched the two of you, not sure what to do.

You pouted. "But little princess fits you so well..."

"What exactly screams little princess about me to you?" He asked. Your friends asked the same question internally.

"You're so cute and sweet and you have the prettiest hair. All princess qualities."

Ok, now your friends just think you're delusional. And so does Baji, a little bit. Though he loves you regardless.

"Listen, can't you just call me something better?"

"Hmmmm... how about 'my little meow meow'?" You offered after thinking for a few seconds.

"I asked for something better." Baji sighed.

Normally it wasn't his thing to back off from anything really, but he had a feeling you would come up with something even more embarrasing if he kept pushing. You kind of remind him of his mom back when he was younger. She kept insisting to call him the most embarrasing nicknames, even in front of his friends.

Those nicknames are a secret he'll make Mikey take to the grave.

"Whatever, just call me your princess or something. I don't give a shit anymore." He huffed.

He watched your face light up and you thanked him excitedly, to which he just clicked his tongue in return.

Your friends noted that his cheeks are a little red. What an odd pair the two of you are.

.

.

𐙚 ‧₊˚ ⋅Bonus fic (You thought it was over? Think again😈😈😈)

"Aaah, you look so cute, I could just squish your cheeks!" Baji had to slap your hand away because you were actually going to do it.

He let you play with his hair since you kept asking to and now he has a baby pink bow tied into a ponytail on his head.

"Awww, you're no fun." You placed your hands back down, pouting playfully.

He happened to glance at the clock, realising that he was supposed to be having a first division meeting very soon. The way you played with his hair relaxed him so much that he lost track of time.

He shot upright, making you flinch slightly.

"Where are you going?" you asked, worried you upset him.

"Shit. I have a meeting." he hissed behind clenched teeth. Well, you suppose you can't blame him. Though you did want to play with his hair for way longer.

He quickly left, hopping onto his motorcycle and driving off to the meeting location. One thing he would never do is be late to his own meeting.

Luckily, he arrived a bit before everyone else did, with only Chifuyu waiting for him there. "Oh, Baji-san, I- What's that?" Chifuyu pointed at the pretty pink bow.

Oh, he completely forgot about that. Normally he would be embarrased because of something like this, but strangely, the bow you put in his hair filled him with a sense of pride. Like a sign that he's really yours.

Before Baji could explain the bow, everyone from the first division stopped in front of the meeting place on their bikes.

"Let's begin." Baji sat down on the edge of the fountain across from the other gang members.

All of the gang members gathered were visibly holding back laughter, some even let a few giggles slip.

This irked Baji to no end.

"You guys got a problem with my girlfriend's sense of style? Laugh at me, I fucking dare you." Everyone's expressions instantly straightened at Baji's scary face.

Chifuyu let out a little "ohhh..." since he figured out that you were the one who gave him that bow.

"Yeah, that's what I thought. So yesterday..." as he talked about the reason they're even having this meeting, he was filled with a sense of pride.

That pretty pink bow is proof that he has a beautiful girlfriend and he isn't afraid to show her off.

[works-of-heart]

"E/riel has plot!"

What plot? If they're already 'in love,' what's the plot for them to fall in love?

Oh Forbidden romance?

...You mean how Elain ISN'T FORCED AT ALL to accept this mating bond? How literally no one is forcing her hand one way or another and it's up to HER whether she wants to accept her mate or not?

How Rhys challenged Azriel to show he had ANY feelings beyond the fantasies he pleasured himself to, but fell short?

Or how Rhys said that if Elain DID choose to reject it, that she would have their support? (Clearly Rhysand isn't standing in the way if Azriel's feelings for her were anything beyong "the fantasies he pleasured himself to." or could at least say with his chest he was over Mor.

Oh, you mean the tons of other 'theories' that e/riel has come up with that literally destroys all the character/ story build up she's been writing? Having an SA survivor be evil and luring men. Or having that character not be involved at all (Because you know, THAT plot threatens your ship.)

Oh riiight, the millions of different kinds of 'mate' theories. How ONLY Elucien's bond is the wrong one, but everyone else's? They're right! Even though, Lucien shares the SAME mating qualities that Rhysand and Cassian share. The longing stares, (Azriel had that for Mor too before Moriel got retconned. Don't worry Az, there's a fiery red haired beauty waiting for you!), the concern, the mate desire and the chant of "you are mine and I am yours." Sounds like Lucien's bond fits right alongside the others doesn't it?

The plots they claim would literally take Lucien's HEA away, despite SJM's OWN WORDS that there was 'someone special' for him, then making him mates with ELAIN. Then going on to say that there's a great deal of Tension, growth and HEALING for them( TOGETHER). Oh, look! That sounds like PLOT doesn't it? A plot of healing tension and growth! Something that SJM is known for in her books. Something Feyre, and Nesta got. Interesting.

Lucien is carrying the story in the Background. He has his hands dipped in Koschei, Vassa and Jurien, Beron and Eris, Spring court, Day court (finding out his true heritage), Emissary to Night court and Ally (As Rhys clearly explains).

Hmmmm. It sounds to me like Lucien has a TON of plot surrounding him. Elain being a seer, being said that Spring court was built for her. Her scent is the "Promise of Spring." (Who is currently stationed in spring court? Oh, Lucien, her mate! Look at that, it's already set up! =D) Even Rhysand states that we haven't seen all there is to Elain, and yet SJM is prepping her to go to spring.

Tell me, how does E/riel fit into spring? Do we need yet another contradicting 'plot/theory' to make it work?

The way Az's shadows don't run from Gwyn, they dance with her. They don't raise up alarm (which let's be real, if she was evil, his shadows would ABSOLUTELY tell Azriel to be cautious. Instead, they sit calmly at his shoulders. They're playful and sing.) Azriel not having to hide his scars, not having to think negative, degrating thoughts about himself while he's with Gwyn. The spark in his chest he got at the thought of her teal eyes lighting up. A thing of secret lovely beauty (Not a thing of deciept and magic). And no, he never got a spark in his chest for Elain.

The tie to Valkyrie and Illyrians, there's banter and laughter between them. Nesta being Gwyn's chosen sister, Cassian being Az's chosen brother. Think of the cute double dates they'd have!

If E/riel needs to make people who SJM have literally set up to have epic stories 'villains' or have them die, or not even exist for the ship to work, if their HEA includes ruining entire plots and stories, butchering characters, then it isn't very good now is it?

Meanwhile, Elucien and Gwynriel are set up to have intrigue, healing and growth for BOTH of the couples. I dunno, you can call the bad character breaking theories 'plots' if you want. If that helps you believe in your ship, sure? I rest easy knowing SJM isn't out here trying to rewrite her WHOLE entire story and throw out everything she wrote in the garbage, just to make ONE ship happen when she said there were clearly 2.

[immediatebreakfast]

Hmmmm... Mina's skepticism, and slight mockery of the New Woman is weirdly both in character yet fascinating since every quality she tries to criticize is reflected on her... Because Mina, by the standards of the time, is a New Woman who doesn't realize she is one.

All of her comments are expressing a blend between concern, and taunt at how the New Women's movement will affect the future, or at least Mina's uniformed perspective of what the New Women believe.

I believe we should have shocked the "New Woman" with our appetites. Men are more tolerant, bless them!

In here Mina refutes the imaginary idea of the New Woman dissaproving hers, and Lucy's appetites despite the actual social, gendered, and social standard of the Victorian era not only telling that women must control what and how they eat in public, but also being responsible for creating a fashionable gendered appetite in which the stereotype of "women only like sweets" was born.

Some of the "New Women" writers will some day start an idea that men and women should be allowed to see each other asleep before proposing or accepting. But I suppose the New Woman won't condescend in future to accept; she will do the proposing herself. And a nice job she will make of it, too! There's some consolation in that.

For me, this part borderlines on comedy because the character saying this is Mina Murray, who has probably been living that way already since for working class women like her the social divide between genders that is imposed (particulary on Lucy) is not available because those specific dynamics are mostly based on the economics of the upper class. Neither Mina, nor Jonathan can do the song and dance of noble courting because it's simply not cost effective, and they have already been interacting with eachother since childhood.

Everything that Mina mocks the New Woman for "doing" from her perspective, she has already done it. Well... Except proposing since that is a social rule well established in the patriachal victorian lead. It almost reads as if Mina is angry at not having the possibility of her proposing to Jonathan, and instead redirects her anger at the movement because they remind her of that obstacle.

It's a very good character flaw that still holds up today since there are many women who simply don't (or refuse to) understand what feminism actually entails, and regard it as this weird off crazy sided movement that is truly silly while fundamentally also believing that it will change society at some point.

With all of Mina's positives, her struggles to understand how she and the New Woman have so much in common is a very effective way to construct a fundamental flaw, it's amazing.

[solomons-poison]

Hmmmm thinking about giving Toji or Sukuna a Valentine/Valentine's gift, to someone who doesn't expect it, at least not expecting a sincere one and not just an invite for sex. Just knowing they don't quite know how to react to this sincere show of feelings, or how to reciprocate. Having equal chance of either shutting down and raising their wall, falling on defense tactics and shutting you out, or taking a chance and hearing you out instead. They're unlikely to respond anywhere close to what you might say, but their willingness to listen and accept your gift or your feelings tells you much more than words could ever say.

[GN reader, human!Sukuna AU]

Toji is always struggling for money. Bad habits are hard to quit, especially when they're tied to trauma and vulnerability, expecting to live a wild life, but not a long one. But when he realizes he should— no, wants to reciprocate— he tries his best to turn it around. His efforts start a little too late, so the best he can afford is a box of cheap chocolates and a small bouquet by the time the holiday comes around, and he tries to start the morning with some homemade breakfast (complete with burnt food and plenty of angry cursing).

He's unusually subdued before he presents everything to you. He's better at expressing his feelings moreso in bed than in words, but you can tell with the way he touches and kisses you, softer and slower and more intimately, just how much he loves you. As times goes on, it becomes easier for him to be more up front with how he feels, although he'll never be as sappy as you, according to him. But he'd give the world over for you, and if he has the chance to make you feel extra special and appreciated, he will take it.

Sukuna doesn't give gifts, and he doesn't really accept them, either. Gifts always felt cheap and meaningless to him, simply a means to an end to having him owe a favor or item to someone rather than something to express gratitude or genuine affection. Often times, it was just a plea for sex. And though part of him knew better, that you weren't like those other people in his past, it didn't stop his insecurities from rising.

He doesn't prepare anything for the holiday, and when you greet him and try to gift him what you got, the discomfort is visible in his eyes. It takes time and discussion; although he has a lot of trouble accepting the items you try to give him, he is still accepting of your emotions. He just needs time to put a positive relationship again between the holiday and gifts and the things you tell him. While he may not repay anything in material objects, he still expresses his love in acts of service and quality time to make sure you know how he truly feels.

[dreamtydraw]

do u have any advice for someone starting to draw?

Hmmmm I have a bunch of advices the thing is they worked one me and might not work on everyone but let me share things that helped me in my art journey.

It’s a long post with advices and resources so i hope it can be helpful.

On advices :

Accept the fact that not every art you'll make will be good. Unless you're a full on professional with years of experiences you'll always need to learn things and so, often you'll find flaws in your art. That where it's important to remember to have fun , art shouldn't stress you into making flawless products.

Doodle often. Again you don't have to daily make detailed artworks but doodling will help you progress and helps with creative process.

Find an art format you like. Just like you can't ask a guitarist to play piano, every art mediums are different with their rules. I would advise you to experiment until you find something you're the most comfortable with ( ex i like markers, color pencils and digital art but I despise oil painting )

The quality of your material does matter. It doesn't matter on how well you draw but it does matter in helping you work better so sometimes it's worth saving up for better materials ( do research on what seems the best for you ). This apply for digital tools too ! I only like one app and it's ibis paint...

Copy. Now this doesn't mean blindly trace or steal but find artists or artworks you like and try to find WHAT you like in it and then try to copy it on your own. This goes for anything you want to reference visually, find what you like in it and copy that, if you just copy the reference you don't do much more than being a printer.

Flip your canvas or use a light tablet to turn your sketch. This help you notices anatomy errors more visibly so you can correct them before starting the clean up.

Don't sleep on cartoon. A lot of people say "learn realism before finding your style" and I'd say that not for everyone. If you want to get professionally into art or works on your anatomy then yes you should learn realism because it's the fundamental of anatomy but that not an obligation. One thing you can learn from tho regardless of what you try to do is cartoons. Cartoons are exaggerations of posing, expressions and designs and learning some cartoons rules might help you understand a bit better some notions ( mainly shapes languages and expressions )

Find something that motivates you to draw. Draw for fandoms, draw your oc, draw for yourself but having something that makes you want to draw is important. It's very important that you don't base your motivation on other people's opinion of your art.

Get inspired by other medias. Search about symbolism in other art form, get inspired by movies, books, videos games, people, objects, design etc… Humans are good at making creative stuff, it feed the spirit.

Now on ressources ( That i use or have used )

My personal pinterest board for visual reference

Scan of morpho, a good morphology book

Scan of morpho, about fat and muscles

Post with resources about fat

Tips about character design

Links to Kasey golden Chanels for cartoon inspiration and material review

Post about shapes designs

Hope this can be of help !!

[stealingyourbones]

This time I choked on a cookie, what do you know.

So I'm not exactly high cultured on the Batman/Dc lore, heard stuff through the grapevine and the occasional clip watch so if I make any assumed mistakes feel free to correct me.

So in short, instead of biologically connecting Danny to Bruce or any other Batkids.

Why not the Joker?

It doesn't even have to be close, something like a faraway cousin.

The crazies are obviously there in Jack and Maddie- Even if it is dedicated to science.

I don't know enough to make an actual connection that may work, but it's what the cookie says.

Hmmmm. Ok so like Joker before he became criminally insane or after? I’m takin a fat guess for after.

I know that Joker has had children in the comics. He had two perfectly normal kids when he sorta mentally hid himself in his own brain and adopted the name Joseph Kurr after Batman ‘died’. He was a normal man with a normal life, normal job, normal wife, and I’m pretty sure two kids. He turns back into Joker the second he finds out that Batman is back and all that, but it shows that he can indeed have two kids unaffected by his chemical alterations.

(Oh also the idea that the vat of stuff that joker fell in was actually pure ectoplasm and stuff to that degree of purity made him gain an obsession but no core is p cool. The obsession obvs being Batman.)

I haven’t read The Three Jokers comic (nor do I want to. The entire point of the joker is that he is unknown and doesn’t have an in depth backstory and that ruins it for me.) so I’m unsure any past connection he could possibly have with Jack or Maddie besides…

Hold up.

Wait.

You know what Joker is a master of that absolutely isn’t talked about enough in comics?

Chemistry.

The Joker is a fucking genius at chemistry. Dude makes his own Joker Gas, various joker bombs, and other forms of chemical warfare that he repeatedly uses on Batman and the citizens of Gotham City.

If you really wanna fuck with the plot and everything, maybe Joker was an anonymous endorser for the Fentons who are trying to figure out the chemical composition and possible artificial replication of ectoplasm.

Joker helps them in their studies and even comes by to assist on their research. One day he has a request: Raise his child. He knew that Maddie and Jack wanted another kid but we’re too afraid of the possible repercussions of a fetus absorbing harmful ectoplasm radiation in utero.

The Joker’s request wasn’t out of kindness. It was out of mania and a well thought out plan to prank this couple for all their hard work.

He injected the child (is it actually Joker’s? Is it just a kid he stole? Honestly you can choose cause both are pretty to par with how he acts) with the Fenton’s first batch of synthesized ectoplasm. It was a failure but still had some odd qualities that were akin to the undead goo. This sludge would later be known as Joker Venom.

This child will grow up and become his ‘son’. Insane and filled with a green tinged madness that couldn’t be controlled that those who afflicted would fully embrace their madness. (Ey yo this could actually be pretty sick for Dan.)

The child that Maddie and Jack agreed to take in and raise as their own had a corrupted madness hidden inside his heart. Any experience of great grief would cause this madness to spread through his entire being and change him forever.

[averseunhinged]

what are your top ten favorite klaroline fics?

hello, friend! so glad you asked. this is more than ten, and i have more in my bookmarks, plus there's stuff on ffn, but this has been 90m of my life, because i am incapable of brevity or culling. i'll probs do a part two? maybe? idk. i'll try.

fine china and dull silver by@yespumpkindoodlesthings

wrote a review here!

where it begins: by endoftheline7

i've been trying to write a review of this for fic rec friday for a month, but i just have so many incoherent screamy thoughts about it. it's one of my favorite reads on both klaus and caroline and plays with the idea that vampires are always a little bit the age they were when they died, no matter how old they get, and spins it into a sort of teen summer romance. klaus is mostly awkwardly thrilled to hang out with caroline, but still has a moment of oh, right. he's batshit and full of murder. caroline's less perfect qualities aren't glossed over. they're fully confronted and caroline doesn't just accept those things. she begins to learn how to turn them into strengths. also, i think about that conversation between rebekah and caroline at the beginning a lot. the whole thing about it not being their responsibility to correct the behavior of the awful men in their lives, but the alternative is to let those men burn themselves out, and that option sucks, too. very hmmmm. so much thoughts.

a statement for the masses (series, but it's one longer fic plus a short one shot) by but_seriously

i don't usually like human au in this fandom, because i think it's hard to make klaus human and in character without him being more awful than i can stand. like he ports pretty well to a shitty billionaire, but ew. corpo romance. not for me. rock stars, however? perfect. i love the rivalry. i love the family drama. i love the complicated relationship between rebekah and caroline.

leave the dust behind by whirly

tons to say about this, but it's mostly all about the ending for me. it's open, so if you like a strict hea resolution, it's probably not going to be a satisfying read for you. but i love this sort of slow ticking over of caroline's thought progression while she figures out what her relationship with klaus could or should be. there's a sort of balance between her own developing moral code and klaus's atrocities that needs to be struck. most of all, i love klaus's faith in her and his belief that they'll figure it out eventually.

someone that'll look like you by @cupcakemolotov

i probably don't need to talk this one up, but whatever. it's super popular for valid reasons. it has a number of my favorite things. amnesia! a more interesting augustine society! enzo! caroline being a stone cold badass! the dichotomy of klaus being both ancient and immovable and willing to bend for what caroline needs! all delicious things.

there's a devil on my shoulder where the angels used to be (and he's calling me the queen) by meet_the_girl_who_can

my favorite no humanity caroline fic. i have such a love/hate relationship with the humanity switch. it could have been so interesting, but tvdu mostly made it silly and samey and boring. this is more in line with what i can see caroline getting up to with her humanity off. like why would she just hang around mystic falls? other than the shitty budget of this shitty show, i can't think of a reason why she would. and i really enjoy how smart klaus knows he has to be with her. she's still caroline, but she can't be careful with him with her humanity off, and that has to be a scary prospect, because she was capable of hurting him badly when she did reluctantly care about him.

the fate makes for a lousy poet (longer fic plus a short one shot companion) by @stars-and-darkness

so. like so many of us, i love soulmates au, and this is probably my favorite in this fandom. but the part i go back to the most is the second fic. i love elena so much, because of that dichotomy of compassion paired with a near total inability to relate her own feelings and needs to those of other people, not in spite of it. she's a really interesting character and ella's treatment of that is so deft. elena absolutely cannot equate her own situation with caroline's, despite it being so obvious from the outside, because she's so mired in her own suffering and the indulgence of almost everyone she's ever known. she's simultaneously cruelly selfish and extraordinarily selfless and it's a wonderful read, as is the first caroline + mikaelsons fic. ella always writes concepts and does character work in a way that makes me go YES THAT EXACTLY THAT.

like the sun shines by @lalainajanes

this is like my #1 wish it wasn't unfinished fic, but i also absolutely do not care that it isn't finished, because it's just so much fun. canon barely goes here, which is so very favorite. i love a mostly everyone lives (contemptuously with each other) au. and i love caroline traveling the world. and i love caroline and bonnie in new orleans with secret, (probs) very important business. and i love a klaus who is still kind of the worst.

lost in the right direction (again, a series) by @kirythestitchwitch

there is nothing i love more than klaus and caroline traveling the world together and just doing stuff. all vibes, minimal plot. this series is A+++ murderfluff and it's enormously engaging, watching them figure out themselves and each other and whatever they have the potential to be together. totally one of my comfort reads

feel the madness closing in by yokan/@galvanizedfriend

this one is ugly and sad and awful and such a realistic take on caroline in new orleans during the events of the originals. i love so many things about it, but caroline's thoughts about whether he's been cursed or gone mad or if it was simply that klaus wasn't capable of loving someone without treating them like a possession are on point.

leave my rage to the sea and sun by sophisticatedfangirling

another ugly one. as much as i love that klaus never compels caroline, i can't help but think if he fucked up badly enough and felt like he'd lost everything else, too, he'd probably do it. this is so sad and slides pretty seamlessly into canon.

bride by brombones

this is one of those surprisingly layered, literary flavored fics. i'm planning on writing a dedicated review at some point (lololololol), but the very basic gist is caroline runs an experiment with klaus's blood and manages to completely fuck up her life to the point where she'll never be able to escape him, even if he never finds out the results. it is WILD with a fantastic use of silas that makes me want to shriek incoherently.

[marciaillust]

Hey! I just wanted to say I’ve been following you forEVER now, and that your art has been inspiring me since i was a teenager. I was wondering if you could share a little about your rendering process? How did you improve it over the years, what did you learn you wish u knew sooner, stuff like that?

(Thanks anyway, and definitely getting myself ur new comic)

Hi! oh wow thank you so much for the kind words!

My rendering process hmmmm.... I will try to sum up the thoughts that come to my mind as I'm writing this, though I might be missing some proper vocabulary

The first thing that surfaced in my brain is exposition within a picture. This is what the picture focuses on - things in the light, or things in the shadow, and how much details each of these two receive rendering wise.

It's basically like taking a photo with a phone - if you click on a bright thing (say, a window), the phone will automatically adjust the exposition and all the other bright things will be visible(lotta detail), but the shadows will become turbo dark (no details). Alternatively, if you click on a dark shadow, all the dark things will become visible (details) but the hypothetical window will become blown out and turbo white (no details). You can basically have one or the other but never both. (or I guess you can who am I to tell anyone how to make art yanno no rules up in this house)

anyway, so for example, this pic^ focuses on the things in the dark, meaning everything in direct light receives no details.

and this pic^ focuses on the light and so all the cast shadows are pitch black.

One other thing that I learned a longass time ago was that edges(and shapes) are arguably the most important part of an object within a picture. Clean edges immediately call for focus, while softer or vague edges allow things to fade in the background and communicate the idea of a thing rather than showing you the thing itself. On a related note note, clean edges also make work in progress appear about 25% more finished.

I guess this all has to do with contrast and contrast can be created in many ways - edges (soft/sharp), colours (eg. red fish in a blue sea), spacing (objects being grouped vs. a single object), the amount of detail per object etc etc etc. and all of these can be controlled to solve specific issues within a picture.

In short, if a thing is important aka the focal point, make it stand out - sharp edges, details, specific colours and a lighting situation that make it pop. And if a thing isn't too important leave it vague, communicate the idea of it rather than focusing on drawing it.

On the note of things being sharp, a thing that I always swore by is, if there are eyes in the picture those eyes better be d-o-n-e. Pristine. People will look at the eyes, eyes communicate 90% of emotion, the eyes are the it girl of the picture forever and always, nobody will look at the wonky foot, they will look at the eyes and judge the quality of the picture. If the eyes are shit the picture is shit. (I'm exaggerating but fr. eyes are a big deal.). They don't have to be turbo rendered or physically mad sharp but they need to be done. Whatever that means, take what you will from my word soup.

One thing that I've become a big fan of over the years is the concept of wear and tear. This has to do with texturing things in pictures and I looooooooooooooooove thinking about ways items are used in order to create bumps and scratches that can be featured.

It always makes things look like they belong to someone?? It makes them real? Like the tip of that bone. that bone has been places. That belt has seen use. That bag carried things. Like yanno?? I looove things that chip and have nicks. Give me wood and I'll put a dent in it I swear.

And I thing the latest thing that I'm trying to incorporate within my art, though I haven't had much time or opportunity to do it in personal art because of work, is colour variation within each element.

Like his face. His skin is obviously "beige" but you will see red, and blue and yellow and green in there too. Stuff like that yanno? I'm quite interested in taking this further in my future paintings. I'm still learning how to push what, where and how but ayyy issa journey I'll happily embark on.

And of course apart from all that it's the usual jazz, working on anatomy composition perspective doing it a lot over and over again babababababa and so on and so forth.

I haven't had much opportunity to paint since I started working on the comic last year but it had it own set of challenges for me. Linework is a completely different kind of rodeo and I've improved in different departments a lot and I'd be happy to bring those things into my paintings when I have the chance. I feel like I'm at a point where I know a lot more than what I've had the opportunity to put on paper, it feels exciting!

I hope at least some of my ramblings were of interest to you!! Again, that you for the nice message and have a nice day :)

[cielogiovinezza]

2024 Rutile SSR Birthday Card Story

Rutile's 2024 Birthday Card - “Let's Sing an Ode to Joy!”

Characters: Rutile, Mithra, Akira. (Mentioned: Lennox, Mitile, Figaro.)

Card Story: With the Orgel’s Melody ~ Respite to Rutile ~

Part 1

[Manor Courtyard] 

One calm afternoon. I was in a corner of the courtyard, gazing at the small music box Rustica lent me. 

Akira: Rutile's birthday is approaching. Since it's a special occasion, I'd like to celebrate with the Orgel of Respite…. 

It's a magical item called the “Orgel of Respite”, apparently it was given to Rustica by a fan a long time ago. 

If you strongly wish for the perfect peace for your partner, you'll be able to enter a magical space where music that suits each of your hearts plays. 

Akira: (Rutile has so many wonderful qualities…. A school teacher who is cheerful, kind and good at compliments. I don't know what I should wish for…) 

??? : My~! What variety we have here!! 

??? : I went out of my way to collect all of these, so please accept them with gratitude. 

Akira: Oh? These voices belong to… 

Drawn by the lively voices, I raised my head and saw Rutile alongside Mithra carrying a large basket by the fountain. 

Akira: (Are they returning from a picnic trip?) 

I watched the two of them chatting with smiles on their faces. 

Army of Toads: ‘croak’ ‘croak’

Opening the lid of the basket, numerous large, warty toads popped out. 

Akira: H-Huh!?!?? 

Rutile: Ah! Great Sage! Good day to you! 

Mithra: *sigh* Master Sage, care to tone it down? 

Akira: S-sorry…! But umm… is that basket full of toads or…? 

Mithra: Correct. There were lots of them in the pond over there, by the forest.  They're yours now Rutile.  It's a pretty tasteless hobby, but with this many you can crush as many as you like whenever you like. 

Rutile: That won't be happening any time soon… My paintings are not made from toads, they're drawn with brushes and paints. 

Mithra: Is that so? So last time that wasn't a toad? 

Rutile: I'm positive it wasn't. 

Akira: (Come to think of it, there was that one time Mithra mistook one of Rutile's drawings for a squashed frog.)

Rutile: Geez! Uncle Mithra, you're still as absent-minded as ever. 

In contrast to his words, Rutile's eyes smiled brightly as he placed his hand on Mithra's basket. 

Rutile: That said, I truly am flattered. The thought of you gathering this many for my sake brings a smile to my face.  Even though I can't accept these toads… Thank you very much Uncle Mithra. 

Mithra: ......

Rutile: I'll be returning these amphibians to their pond. When I do, I'll draw lots of pictures of the toads and their home!  When it's finished, may I show it to the both of you? 

Mithra: ...Suit yourself. 

Akira: I look forward to seeing an original Rutile painting!! 

Rutile: Thank you very much! Now then, I'll be off for a bit! 

‘swoosh’

Rutile takes the basket from Mithra and casually leaves. 

The grace with which he accepted the gift, the kindness and generosity shown and all wrapped with a smile… he holds such maturity, it's almost shocking to remember Rutile is in his twenties. 

Akira: (Rutile is much younger than Mithra, but in times like these he feels much older… I presume this is what tolerance is all about.) 

Part 2

[Manor Lounge] 

A few days later, I was still deep in thought about Rutile's birthday. 

Akira: (I'm still not sure… When it's time to invite Rutile to the Orgel of Respite, should I wish for ‘Peace that is fitting for someone with great tolerance’…?)  (Hmmm… but Rutile still holds many other great qualities, am I cutting them short…?) 

Akira: Hmmmm,,,,,,, 

??? : ‘Bahhhh’

Akira: huh? 

I quickly look up to the source of the sound, only to have it filled by something white, round and fluffy. 

Akira: W-wow!? 

??? : Whatever may this be! Could it be a cloud? Or maybe it's cotton candy?? 

Akira: Ummm… Is it a sheep's butt? 

Rutile: Spot on~! 

Appearing from the shadow of the sheep's rear end was Rutile with a cheer in his voice. 

The situation was so unique, I couldn't help but burst out laughing.

Akira: Ahahaha!! Yay! I got it right!! 

Rutile: Ehehe~! Wonderful! I'm glad it made you smile, Great Sage. 

Akira: Ah-

‘Bahhhh’

After some good gentle pats to the head, Rutile placed the sheep on the floor and it walked away leisurely. 

Rutile smiled with a hint of concern. 

Rutile: Just now you had a frown in your face and in a hush you let out a ‘Hmmmm,,,,,,,’, didn't you Great Sage?  So to lighten the mood I played the ‘Lennox's sheep quiz!’, which Chloe mentioned was ‘Lots of fun!’.  Dear Sage, if there's anything I can do to help you, please feel free to talk to me anytime. 

Akira: Rutile….  (To think you were worried about me, how kind of you.)  (And the way you show compassion is through a ‘Sheep's butt quiz’.... It's too funny) 

Rutile's kind and cheerful consideration warmed my heart. I decided to be honest and confess my troubles to him. 

Akira: Actually… I was just thinking about you. 

Rutile: Huh? Myself, you say? 

Akira: Yeah. For your upcoming birthday, I'd like to invite you to the Orgel of Respite. 

Rutile: My~! How lovely!! Ever since Mitile told me about it, I've been looking forward to it.  Still… Whenever you think of me, I'd like for you to remember a bright smile~! 

Rutile turned his face towards mine. Pinched his cheeks with both hands and with a strange face said-

Rutile: Wan jush mike gizz~! (one just like this) 

Akira: Ahahaha!!  (I'm really fond of this side of Rutile too, it always cheers me up. Ah-!)  (I think I know what I'll wish for Rutile…!!) 

Part 3

[Rutile's Room] 

At last the time has arrived, Rutile's birthday. 

Rutile: My~! What stylish clothes…!!  Chloe went out of his way to prepare an outfit for the Orgel too!  How does it look, Great Sage ? Does it suit me? 

Akira: Yes! They look magnificent!! 

Rutile: Thank you very much! I'll surprise Chloe with them later! 

As Rutile smiled and twirled around like a princess, I placed the small box on the desk. 

Akira: Okay… Rutile, let's begin. 

Rutile: Alright! 

I closed my eyes. 

Focusing on the charms that make Rutile in order to lead him to that mysterious place. 

Akira: (... May the generous and charming Rutile find the perfect place for peace of mind) 

‘twing twing’

The lid of the small box opened with a loud noise and a doll resembling Rutile began to spin around and dance. 

Gradually light envelops us and I hear music coming from somewhere. 

[Orgel of Respite - Interior] 

Once the curtain of light parted, a soothing space unfolded embraced in a melody similar to the sparkling spring of sunshine. 

Rutile: So this is the Orgel of Respite…!!  What a gentle, beautiful song~ I feel like I can fly anywhere! 

Akira: I'm glad you like it!! Today you can have fun all you want!  For starters, I brought some herbal tea, let's drink it together at the table over there. 

Rutile: How thoughtful~! Thank you very much, Master Sage. 

I showed Rutile to the table and began preparing the tea. 

As soon as I took out the pot of herbal tea from the basket, Rutile breathed in the scent with rapt attention. 

Rutile: What lovely scent~ Is this perhaps… Lemon and mint tea? 

Akira: Correct!  I bought it at the market just for today, I thought it'd be a scent that Rutile would like. 

*pours*

Akira: Here, for you. 

Rutile: Thank you! *sip* Truly delightful…! Somehow it has a very comforting flavor. 

Akira: I'm glad to hear that! We have refills available, so don't hesitate to ask whenever you want! 

Rutile: I'll take you up on that! 

Rutile smiled brightly, then had a very serious look all of the sudden. 

While placing the cup on the table delicately, he looks to my eyes tenderly. 

Rutile: Marvelous… just like you Great Sage.  Honest and deeply sincere. 

Akira:..... Huh?

Rutile: The other day when we met in the lounge, I'm certain you were thinking about me very hard.  Thank you for always thinking with such seriousness and wholeheartedly not only about me, but everyone in the manor too.  I find that part of your very charming Great Sage.  

Akira: ....

Ahahaha,,,,,, 

The honesty of his words made me feel embarrassed, but at the same time there was a joy I couldn't deny. 

Generous, charming, tolerant and cheerful. Rutile holds countless charms in him. 

When he compliments me, I also like that part of myself. 

I'm sure it must be something terrific! To find it believable when such a wonderful guy praises you like such. 

Akira: Thank you very much Rutile! I'm truly happy to hear you say so. 

Rutile: Heheh~ There's not many opportunities to tell you, so I wanted to seize the moment now that we're alone.  Ah-! My bad, I've been doing most of the talking.  Let me brew you a cup, Great Sage.  *pours* Here, for you as well~

Akira: Rutile… Thank you! I'm grateful for the offer! 

The moment the tea touches my lips, a refreshing aroma drapes over me. 

Swayed by tea's gentle aroma, I spoke my heartfelt congratulations. 

Akira: Rutile, I wish you a most wonderful birthday!!  May today's tea party last to your heart's content!

Rutile: With pleasure! 

Card Episode: To Capture a Moment in Paint

[Manor Lounge] 

Rutile: Ummm… Pretty sure Mitile looked like this…. And Mr. Lennox looked like that

Akira: What are you drawing this time Rutile? 

Rutile: Moments from the birthday party yesterday. I thought that if I drew it right away like this, I'd be able to remember it forever. 

Akira: I see! It was a really fun party, wasn't it?  I had a lot of fun dancing the steps the Southern Country people taught me.  We even got to see Lennox staggering after getting unusually drunk and Mitile getting peeved at him for a change… it felt refreshing somehow. 

Rutile: Eheheh~ Mr. Lennox and I were having a bit of a drinking contest right up until the dance.  Actually Dr. Figaro joined us for the match as well, but he used magic to remove the alcohol from his system.

Akira: Really!? We never would've noticed!!  But… Doesn't Figaro enjoy showing his drunken state every now and then?? 

Rutile: Mr. Lennox suggested he might've done it because he didn't want people to know he had lost in the drinking competition.  Heheh~ Dr. Figaro can be quite the sore loser at times.  Just now I was drawing the dancing moments. I haven't gotten to your part yet Great Sage, but here take a look!! 

Akira: This is…  (On the far left is an excited-looking Mitile, and on the right beside him is a wry-laughing Lennox.)  (Far to the right there's Figaro watching from afar, and in the middle Rutile is laughing happily…. At least, I think that's what I'm looking at…)  What a lovely drawing! Just looking at it is enough to warm my heart.  May I see it again, once it's finished? 

Rutile: Absolutely! I'll hang it in my room, so be sure to come by! 

Voiceline 

Despite being short in years, my life has been filled with many wonderful times… as well as many challenging times too. When I think of the long life ahead of me, sometimes I fear what's to come, but I also feel excited about it too.  Great Sage, would you like to listen to what plans I have for the future? 

[ryutarotakedown]

okay, miscellaneous things from tmagp 010:

[ERROR] is very likely a new character, and specifically this person from the magnus protocol casting call:

Mysterious and hostile, speaks with a raspy but ethereal quality. Whoever [REDACTED] once was is long dead. Literally. Created from someone on the point of death in the hopes of gaining supernatural powers, [REDACTED] was initially dormant, so much so that it was overlooked and left trapped and forgotten for twenty years. Now it has been released and is building an identity for itself at the expense of its victims.

this role has no attributes specified (the way most have "female," "british accent" etc.) other than 18+. it's supposed to be raspy and mysterious

"but jules," you say, "what about the cast list that had jonathan sims, alexander j newall, and tim fearon as [ERROR]s?" yeah i don't know what's up with that either. maybe an amalgamation of them? maybe an amalgamation of more archivists from different times or universes?

but in any case, i suspect that personality-wise this is going to be an entirely new character and i for one am Excited.

-

oh nigel :( as goose from the SR server pointed out, he got a mention on the bonzoland ARG site! wonder what happened there...

(October 31st 1998) – Mr Bonzo’s Special Spooktacular will no longer feature Nigel Dickerson.

alice <3

worm tracks. hmm. tim found an arch made of worms in the tunnels back in season 1 of the magnus archives and said that the stone inside the doorway had gone weirdly wavy, which i always took to be a failed attempt at a corruption ritual. hmmmm.

it is definitely very weird that alice and sam found mulch in the filing cabinets when red canary has this to say back in Episode One:

Big surprise was no old papers. I mean, they’d be mulch by now, obviously, but all the old filing cabinets were still rusting in place, and there was clearly what used to be a massive library or archive or something in the first basement layer. Was really expecting a bunch of paper pulp, but there wasn’t really any. Maybe that’s why it was listed as “cleared”?

also weird that neither of them flagged this as weird in the first place.

bonzo is delightful, obviously. i was wondering if there's a parallel between "jon" emailing sam with a "name and address" and gwen giving mr bonzo a name and address in her envelope…

[gold-rhine]

ok i dont want impression to be that my main problem is that i hate chicken ayato. i don't, hes like my fav on penacony, tho i liked him more in prev update when he was an arrogant bitchy manipulator

my problem is not with christian ayato, but the fact that the plot just does not like. cohere.

it starts with class divide, golden hour built on secret exploitation of ppl, it talks about like. we built society on promise of strong protecting the weak, but it turned into strong exploiting the weak. it talks specifically about ppl "extracting value" from other ppl.

but then it just jumps into "thats survival of the fittest :\ its like birds crushing when trying to fly :\" when like, no???? the narrative makes a sleight of hand and basically calls rich "strong" and poor "weak", as if its innate qualities, and doesnt try to examine like. hmmm why are some ppl "strong"??? what does "strong" mean??? they like have some bla blah about agency and making decisions, but in the entire quest its obvious that to have ability to exercise your agency on penacony, you need money like aventurine or power like sunday. they have a dumbass reality show choice of "poor man sold his kids to slavery bc he couldnt feed them and then wanted to try and earn money to free them back, should we try to help him????" and shows it as just him being "weak", instead of like, obviously problem being is that he's so poor. they have like a whole part of quest on how penacony is ruled by same 5 families for generations and doesnt examine that "strong" just so happen to be from these families.

instead of examining WHO extracts value and WHERE that value goes, it just goes "its just natural order that most ppl are weak". and the narrative doesnt try to argue with that idea, it argues with idea "its better for weak ppl if strong keep them in paradise matrix". when like. the main problem is seeing this divide into "weak" and "strong" n the first place, its bullshit, second, it doesnt even map on what it satirizes irl, bc no, rich ppl DONT want to protect poor and build them paradise or whatever, they dont give a fuck about suffering they cause. and in the end our heroes end up being like "no!! weak ppl should not be living in happy illusions!!!! they have right to crush and die!!!" instead of like. hmmmm maybe we should stop ppl who are lying and exploiting others instead of arguing that everyone should be free to be exploited.

[annabellelupin]

So, a lot of people (maybe not those that follow me on here but people in this fandom in general) are really going to hate me for this but I really hate the direction this fandom is going in with the "Slytherin Skittles" and such.

I just messaged a fellow fan account admin on my Instagram that said they'd really like to start posting again but wasn't even sure if people would like their content anymore because of how much this fandom has changed.

People were filling them in on all that's happened in the fandom recently and someone made a really good point. Most of this fandom hates Snape because he's a death eater and treated Lily terribly. Hmmmm, who does that also sound like.... oh right, Barty Crouch Jr. (altho he treated other people like Alice and frank who he literally helped torture to insanity terribly). And would you look at that; so many people in the fandom have started glorifying him and treating him like a precious baby as if he isn't just as bad or even worse than Snape. I mean you all can't seriously tell me that you'd think the Marauders would be friends with people that hate on minority groups (muggle borns like Lily).

Also can I just point out that in the Goblet of Fire Barty literally locks a man in a trunk for months, and stole his identity. He showed kids unforgivable curses and turned Draco into a literal ferret (he deserved it but still, it was a bit uncalled for). He really set harry up to die. He helped him all throughout the tournament just to get Voldemort back to full strength. Is this really someone we should be obsessing over?

And the babygirlifcation is absolutely ridiculous. It's mainly been happening to Barty and Evan, which I shouldn't even be surprised by. When I say that I mean it seems like this fandom (which seems to be consisted of mostly femme aligned people) has a really bad habit of fetishizing achillean/mlm ships, so it shouldn't be a surprise that these two guys often shipped together are being treated like babies by the fandom.

Regulus is the only canonically Slytherin character in the Marauders era that actually has redeemable qualities and proved himself to be a decent person (Narcissa isn't all bad either but she certainly isn't great). It's sad that a majority of this started because people wanted to give him "friends" (Regulus realized what was going on was wrong while the others didn't. I don't feel like he'd like them very much because of that).

I've heard a lot of people complain that Jegulus shippers and people who like the Slytherin Skittles are ruining the fandom and I definitely wouldn't go as far as say that, but like I said before, I certainly don't like the direction things are going in. And honestly it could be the fact that I was mainly in the fandom back in 2020-2021 when things were much different and I'm just not used to everything going on, who knows. And this isn't meant as a hate post towards anyone, I've just been thinking about this a good bit and needed to get the rant out of my system.

[drdemonprince]

I feel like you've answered a question on this before, so sorry if my search skillz failed me. how do you keep a playful attitude when trying new things? I started a book on wu-wei/'trying not to try' that has made me feel a bit hopeless so far, as I know that approaching things more casually/playfully will help it feel less painful (social situations, job search, dating, etc), but apparently you can't consciously try to be playful?!

Hmmmm this is a tricky question to answer, because it is far easier to describe what the end state feels like than to explain how I got there. But I will try!

I think if you're someone who tends to be quite skeptical and cynical about things, your first instinct during difficult situations might be to turn that skepticism toward yourself. You watch yourself trying to complete the new activity, or talk to the unfamiliar person, and all you can see is the flaws, and you tell yourself, "yeah, nice try bozo, you're never going to be good enough at this / it's never going to be worth it" and what do you know, you are crestfallen and unmotivated. And now that you're judging yourself and feeling shitty, it's even more difficult to complete the task.

but, in my experience in graduate school, developing as a creative writer, and just fumbling my way through social mores, there comes a time when you stop turning that skepticism on yourself all the time, and instead direct it outward, and begin to notice just how fucking confused and fucked up everybody else's attempts are. and if you're lucky, you might even notice other people's foibles and missteps with a sense of affection, rather than cruelty.

the more you step outside of yourself and observe others, the more you notice all the awkward things people say, the strange moments of crossed wires and missed signals, the jokes that fall flat, and just how much people really do not care about all of that so long as you keep engaged and keep your energy open and keep trying.

i have never seen a neurotypical socialize flawlessly. they say rude weird ass things and bump into other people all the fucking time! but they just keep going. often they don't even realize they've done anything wrong. and maybe they haven't even done anything wrong really. perfection isn't really what is expected. the energy is what matters more than the execution, and so if they move around with an open, receptive quality to themselves, and keep learning, they can get by being a little awkward or confused just fine.

and once you recognize how much people are fucking up all the time and that it doesnt really matter, and nobody really cares, for me it gets a lot easier to saunter around being my own level of messy and loose too. i used to judge how inept and oblivious everybody was -- at work, in school, during the hangout, on the train. and at some point i realized it was actually beautiful and something i could feel affectionate about.

it turns out you do not need to worry about everyone behind you in line at the grocery store hating you for taking too long putting your change away. AND you dont have to be mad at the guy in front of you who takes five minutes to put his change away either. because YOU are HIM and HE is YOU and we all suck and that's great.

it's fucking funny how silly and sloppy and dazed a lot of people really are. everybody fucks up constantly and is fucking weird. so who cares! i dont need to evacuate the space because i forgot myself and started picking my nose in public for a second. i can just rub my hand on my pant leg and move on. i dont need to give up going to the comic book club because me and one other guy there got into a small argument. i can come back the next month and make a joke about it with him. that's just normal messy human stuff.

the writer david cain talks about coping with social anxiety by imagining other human beings as kittens that have been dumped out from a basket into the room. they roam around, falling over themselves, exploring and sniffing and doing kitteny things, and none of them are a threat to you ever, and their actions dont mean all that much and certainly aren't all that menacing, they're just silly little animals fumbling around.

and i like to think of humans that way. we goof off, we devote an entire supposedly very serious work meeting to discussing something only tangentially relevant but far more emotionally compelling, we make up all kinds of games to play and weird rules for those games, and then we break the rules of those games and forget them. none of this shit is like, real. and the people who recognize what a goofy joke it is are often the most powerful.

not taking anything too seriously makes me feel powerful. im cynical and skeptical about everything that i get told is an airtight social or procedural rule, and i experiment around the boundaries of it, to see where it bends. but whereas i used to do that in a very bitter and entitled way, trying to find my way "out" of a system I had disdain for, now i can sometimes play with these boundaries and laugh at myself for tripping over them at times and just keep on moving, because that's what everybody does.