#homophobia needs to stop dude

[iron-sides]

if you get legitimately upset about famous people you dont like who were homophobic as teenagers not being homophobic anymore i really do not know what to tell you. its not that fucking deep man.

[ludwig-van-gaythoven]

Cabin Fever - (Regina George x F Reader) Part 5

Fandom;

Mean Girls (2024)

Pairings:

Regina George x Reader

Summary:

The students of Northshore go on a school trip for a week in the forest. You end up getting to know the apex predator in a way you’d never seen her before.

Warnings;

Underage smoking, underage drinking, Claustrophobia, homophobia mention

Parts;

Part1// Part 2// Part 3// Part 4// Part 5

“Why the fuck is Regina in your room? Why are you even speaking to her? Dude! Fucking answer me!”

Janis’s voice is so loud down the tiny phone speaker that it makes it buzz like an annoying little mosquito.

You scowl and resist the creeping urge to hang up, and throw your phone far far away, maybe off a cliff. You click the volume down and try and muffle the sound of Janis ranting down the speaker by shoving the receiver deep into your pocket, but it’s too late.

Regina has already left. Her bedsheets are left thrown back and crumpled, she usually fixes the blankets back to perfection so she clearly left in a hurry.

You grab your jacket with a huff and stomp outside the cabin to stand in your usual smoking spot and light a much needed cigarette before putting the phone up to you ear.

Janis is still yelling, finishing a sentence you didn’t hear the start of. Some accusation about alliances with the enemy.

“Fucking hell, Janis! It’s not that big of a deal!” You finally snap.

The phone goes silent. It’s a welcome break but you know she’ll start up again.

“Yeah sure, my best friend suddenly being pals with Regina George, not a big deal.” She snarks. “Can I just remind you, that bitch nearly ruined my life! Is that why you’re ignoring my calls? Because you’re too busy becoming plastic?”

You sigh. “It’s not like that.”

That’s true. You haven’t been morphed into some sort of Barbie doll all of a sudden just because you spent some time with Regina. To be truthful, you realise Regina isn’t really like that either. She’s a little messy, she’s flawed, but you think she’s more perfect like that. Your face softens slightly at the memory of yesterday, her mascara dripping down her cheeks with a big grin plastered on her face. She wears a fake mask to protect anyone from seeing her real personality. You get it. It’s easier to take a rejection when you haven’t really shown your true identity.

Your heart aches to defend her. To tell Janis to back off, but you can’t. She wouldn’t understand.

“Look, she got roomed with me because she got drunk with Gretchen and Karen on the first night so the teachers wanted to split them up.” You explain as calmly as you can while your blood boils beneath the surface.

“So why didn’t you think to mention this when I called last?” She snaps back. She’s caught you there.

“Because I knew you’d go all revenge-crazed and pissed off like this!” You shout back. You hear Janis scoff.

“Whatever, I don’t give a shit about Regina. She literally means nothing to me! Less than nothing, I just want to see that bitch suffer-“

“Then why can’t you stop talking about her!” As soon as the words leave your mouth you regret them.

“Fuck you, man.” She doesn’t even give you a second before hanging up.

You take a long draw of the cigarette that’s spent most of its time burning away between your fingers. You felt guilty about arguing with Janis, she’d been your best friend since the start of high school, and you could still see the pain that Regina had caused was still playing on her. You didn’t know the full details but you knew that Regina had outed her in a cruel way and made her out to be obsessed just so she could be with a boy. But that was a while ago, people can change.

So why hadn’t you been able to tell her that you liked girls when she hinted at it? You couldn’t even trust her fully.

You couldn’t help your mind wandering to where Regina might be. That seems to be all you can think about recently. Regina. You never fell for her Queen Bee attitude, high school drama was boring to you, you’d rather steer clear of it. But this new, playful, carefree side to her? You couldn’t get enough of.

She’s probably snuck off to meet Gretchen and Karen. You were surprised that she’d actually followed rules for once and not gone to meet them yet. Was it because you had been there with her instead? She said last night that she had enjoyed hanging out with you.

How much of the phone call had she heard before she left?

You light another cigarette. It’s not like you to chain smoke like this but you can’t help it when you’re stressed. The smoke whirls out in front of you, lines of wispy grey entangle and then disappear in-front of your eyes.

You head back inside the cabin when you’re done. Regina still isn’t back.

You lift your bedsheets ready to try unsuccessfully to get some sort of rest and find tiny pieces of paper, shredded on your mattress. It’s the drawing Regina took.

She clearly heard more than she was meant to.

You brush it onto the floor, not bothering to collect the tiny scraps, that felt more like little broken pieces of your soul.

When you finally close your eyes you’re back in the clearing. This time you don’t feel afraid and you automatically start scanning the shadows between the trees. A pair of blue eyes catch yours, as usual, but as soon as you take a step forward,the big cat slinks back into the shadows and disappears.

When you wake up, Regina still isn’t back. Your stomach sinks. She probably won’t want to speak to you ever again, you won’t even get a chance to explain.

You know you have to be up and ready in 20 minutes but you don’t want to get out of bed, or risk bumping into Regina.

It’s pretty hot outside and you’re not sure what the activity will be today so you put on a black tank and some loose khaki trousers. Regina must have been back when you were asleep because her bed is made and her cupboard door is left open.

When you go over to the campfire pit, she is already there. She’s standing around with the usual two girls but she’s also next to Shane Oman.

That makes you nauseous. He’s grinning and so obviously checking Regina out.

She starts running her hand up and down his bicep and over his chest, giggling and leaning into him. He’s loving it and has a hand around her waist. You turn around so you don’t have to look at whatever show they’re putting on.

It feels like she’s doing it just to spite you.

Seeing her that close to him makes your stomach knot with jealousy, it shouldn’t, it’s not like you’re together.

“Okay everyone listen up! Today and tomorrow are the last days of camp, so you will be hiking and setting up your own camp for tonight. This will combine all of the skills you have learnt this week!” There’s a dull chatter of excitement as maps are passed around and people start getting into groups.

You secretly hoped you’d be paired in cabin groups so Regina might actually hear you out and stop being so pissed off. It would get her away from Shane too.

Much to your annoyance, you’re told you have to pair up with Regina, Gretchen, Karen and Shane because apparently it’s unsafe to go alone.

You’d actually rather be eaten by a bear.

Each group is given a tent, you’re given two, the teachers tell you Shane has to stay in one separately but you know that won’t happen. You’re hoping you can just keep that tent for yourself. You’re also given other supplies like cooking utensils, scissors, a mallet, rope etc.

Shane offers to carry both tents in a pitiful attempt to seem strong and manly. Regina plays straight into it and makes a big deal out of grabbing Shane’s hand and feeling his arms.

It makes you roll your eyes. You’re sure you see the corners of Regina’s lips curve in a smirk.

You end up carrying one of the tents anyway, it’s pretty heavy but at least it gives you an excuse to stay at the back of the group, it’s not like you’ll have anything to talk to them about.

Regina walks in-front of you with Karen and Gretchen on one side, and Shane on the other. You’re pretty sure everyone has forgotten your existence, apart from Regina perhaps.

She’s wearing a black crop top and baby pink mini skirt, it makes being behind the group kind of worth it.

After about 2 hours you get to a dead end, there’s a large rock ledge with a few crude dips for you to put your hands and feet to climb up. There are thick shrubs either side to stop anyone going around. This must be what they meant by testing the skills you’d learnt.

Regina goes up first, Shane is standing almost directly underneath her and is grinning to himself. It makes your stomach turn. She climbs up easily, and stands with her arms folded impatiently when she gets to the top.

Shane goes up next, again making a big deal of being so manly, he practically jumps from one step to re other up the ledge. It makes you cringe. He looks more like an ape.

Regina catches your expression and as soon as he’s up she’s all over him again. Is this some sort of punishment? But why would she be trying to make you jealous that way?

You go up last. It’s not too high so you’re not really afraid.

“Don’t fall, loser.” Regina spits and the whole group burst out laughing.

It stings but you ignore it and carry on walking behind them once you reach the top. Whatever she’s trying to do, to get under your skin, to piss you off, you’re not going to give her the satisfaction.

You notice Shane’s hand sneak down from her waist towards her ass and Regina visibly stiffens and moves away slightly.

Soon enough you come to a small opening in the rocks, must be the second challenge. Even from behind you see Regina tense up. It’s just a narrow crawl space that likely pops out quickly on the other side. There’s a wall of rock that seems impossible to climb that looks to go on for a while either side.

Shane goes through first, followed by Gretchen and Karen.

“I’m not fucking doing that.” Regina huffs once it’s just the two of you, raising her hands. “I’ll walk around.”

“It looks like you’ll be walking for a while.” You try and reason, but she’s already started walking.

“I’ll come with you.” You’re not sure why you offer. The suns setting slightly and you don’t like the idea of Regina going alone. Even if it is just a few minutes to walk around the obstacle.

You follow behind in silence as she walks along the rock wall, thinking about all the things you wish you could say. I’m sorry about what Janis said, I don’t agree with her. I like hanging out with you, I think you’re the most beautiful person I’ve ever met, inside and out.

You want to reach out and take her hand like she was doing with Shane, especially since now you know how soft she is.

You want to gently cup her face and kiss her, feel her soft lips and be intoxicated by her warm vanilla scent. You want to ask her on a date, maybe go to the movies, take her for a nice dinner, kiss her on the front porch.

All the things she’s probably done, or will do with Shane.

It feels like you’re walking for ages, it’s quite a lot darker than when you started. Regina keeps a quick pace ahead of you. Her face fixed in a permanent scowl.

You finally turn the corner and see the entrance to the small cave.

Nobody is there, they’ve left. How long did it even take you to walk round anyway?

“What the FUCK.” She screams. It’s so loud you swear you see birds scattering off their branches. “What bitches!”

She growls and flops down, sitting on a fallen tree trunk. You can see a glimmer of hurt and confusion in her eyes.

“It’s getting dark. We have one of the tents , we should set up some kind of camp.” You say, dropping the tent bag on the floor.

“Whatever. I’m not helping though.” She huffs. You don’t bother arguing, you can tell she’s hurt and you don’t want to make things worse.

You unzip the tent bag and start pulling out poles. There are no instructions and all of the poles look identical. You start arranging them in a way that sort of resembles a tent, you bend the long metal pole and try to force it into a fabric sleeve of the tent material, you think it’s secure and let go but it pings back up with such a force that the whole structure jumps. You leap back, the metal projectile misses your face by millimetres.

Regina’s watching you with an amused expression. It makes you blush. At least she’s in a better mood.

After about an hour of wrestling with tent fabric and poles, you’ve made a structure. You’re not sure if you can call it a tent, or if it’ll stay up but it provides some cover.

As night draws close it gets significantly colder so you collect some wood and dry grass for a small fire. Luckily you always carry your lighter so it was simple enough to start. Both you and Regina sit opposite sides of the fire, on the floor, the smoke isn’t as thick as the silence between you.

You dig around in your bag, hoping that maybe you packed some supplies from the bag the teachers gave you. The others must have most of the food and cooking equipment.

You did pack one thing

Marshmallows.

You hold the bag up to Regina who giggles and finds two thin sticks for you to roast them on over the fire. Neither of you speak still as you hold the stick, turning it every now and then.

You remember one other thing you packed secretly in your bag, you rifle through again and pull out a small hip flask of vodka and take a swig. With no mixer, the liquid burns all the way down to your stomach, you offer it to Regina who grimaces but takes the flask.

You sit for a while, toasting Marshmallows and passing the hip flask back and forth before one of you is buzzed enough to speak.

“You and Shane make a good couple.” You’re not sure why you even say it, you don’t think that at all. Regina seems tense around him and you’re pretty sure he’s only after one thing.

“I know.” She responds flatly. It’s unconvincing.

You swallow another dreadful mouthful of vodka. It feels like willingly swallowing paint thinner.

“Why did you screw over Janis?”

Her brows furrow, she reaches for the flask and takes a drink. That was definitely the wrong thing to say but the vodka makes words tumble out before your brain has a chance to screen them.

“I don’t know.” She shrugs. “I guess you think I’m a bad person.” She doesn’t meet your gaze and her tone sounds defeated and a little ashamed.

“ I don’t.” You say quickly. “You must have had a reason.”

“Yeah… I did.” She sighs.

You decide not to push it any further.

“Are you looking forward to camp being over?” You decide to try and divert the conversation.

“Not really, there’s not as much pressure here to perform. I don’t like being a bitch you know, it’s just school, it’s survival of the fittest.” She starts “Out here I feel free. I actually miss middle school, I wish I never went to that party, or kissed Janis. I’m sick of everyone thinking I’m fake, nobody treats me like an actual person.”

She looks up at the night sky, a small tear running down her cheek, catching the moonlight which makes it look like a diamond.

“Being with you has felt free.”

Your heart skips a beat. You’re not sure if it’s the alcohol but you get the courage to go and sit next to her. You gently put your arm around her shoulders and she relaxes into you.

You fit together like a puzzle.

You look up and scan the stars with your eyes and find what you’re looking for. You point up to 3 stars in a row.

“There’s Orion’s Belt. Those 3 stars are several times bigger than the sun, and they burn tens of thousands of times brighter.”

Her gaze falls to where you’re pointing.

“It kind of reminds me of you, Karen and Gretchen.” Regina laughs at this. “You shine brighter than anyone else at the school. I know what you mean about just trying to survive, just try not to burn so bright you burn out. You’re perfect enough as you are.”

She sighs, her hand is on your lap now and you struggle to concentrate on the stars.

“And that one sort of looks like a lion” You point up again, Orion’s Belt is the only one you recognise. Luckily this makes her giggle more.

She lifts her head at the same time you turn. She’s so close you can see the stars reflecting in her eyes. In this moment you realise you have two options.

A look of hesitation crosses her face and she starts to pull away.

You make a sudden, probably stupid decision.

As soon as your lips meet you see stars explode behind your eyelids. Her lips are just as soft as you imagined, it takes a second before she’s kissing you back. Her hands reach up and tangle in your hair. It’s gentle and rough all at the same

You pull away. “ I’m so sorry, I shouldn’t-“

She cuts you off with another quick, soft kiss.

“I’m tired, I’m going to sleep.” She says, standing and walking over to the tent which is shockingly still standing.

You’re left, sitting on the ground next to the now dwindling fire, kept warm by the redness in your cheeks. You pull out a cigarette and light it on the smouldering fire.

The star lion in the sky beams down at you.

[wynnyfryd]

Trailer park Steve AU pt 56

part 1 | part 55 | ao3

March

"Steve, honey," Claudia calls from the living room, where he can hear her shuffling around to get her things ready for work — the rustle of a jacket, the clink of keys against her thermos. "Do you need anything before you go?"

"I'm fine, Ma!" Steve answers.

And he is. He is fine. It’s been three weeks, and Steve is fine! He has a date tonight with a girl he doesn’t care about, and he's gonna cheer on Lucas at the championship game, and the other day at work he got a fifty cent per hour raise. And sure, his nightmares are worse than ever and his head aches all the time, and he’s had some weirdly persistent sinus infection or some shit going on, but he only teared up once this week while jerking off to thoughts of Eddie, so.

All in all, not bad.

He shoves a plain bagel in his mouth and rushes to leave the house; passes Claudia on the way out, who's now rapping her knuckles impatiently against Dustin’s door and asking, “Dusty, what’s going on in there? You’re gonna be late!" to which Dustin replies with a panicked shriek: “DON’T COME IN, I’M NAKED!”

Jesus Christ. "Deafen my other ear, why don't you?" Steve mutters under his breath.

He throws Ma a parting wave and heads out to pick up Robin so he can take her to school before his shift starts. She looks nicer than usual, and she won’t stop reapplying her mascara, and by the time Object of My Desire starts playing on the radio Steve is practically begging her to just suck it up and end this will-they-won’t-they thing with Vickie because it’s been months of obvious flirting and Robin still won’t make a move.

“I listen to you, and now look at me!” he argues, as if the handful of pointless dates he’s used to distract himself from Eddie are anything to look at. “Boom. Back in business.“

“Mm,” she objects, a little ‘you’re so full of shit’ frown on her face. “Not the same thing.”

Don’t say it, you bitch, don’t even—

“You ask out a girl and she says no…”

Oh, thank fuck. Steve sags in relief and licks the corner of his mouth as he listens to her rant, grateful that she’s just working the small town homophobia angle and very graciously not pointing out how half-hearted and sad his attempts to move on with his life have been. It’s a small mercy he repays by rambling about girls and boobies and girls who definitely like boobies until she scowls so hard at him that she smudges her mascara and has to apply another coat.

—

Dustin calls the store some time around lunch. Asks if Steve wants to sub in for Lucas at tonight’s Hellfire campaign, which, first of all, fuck you — he’s been helping Lucas practice for months now, he’s not about to miss this game — and secondly:

“What, to hang out with you and Eddie the Freak Munson?” he asks, idly playing with a slinky. “Uh, yeah. I’ll pass.”

"Dude."

"What?"

"You can’t just call him names because you’re pissed at him! That’s not cool!”

Steve rolls his eyes and tugs the slinky so hard it flops off the counter’s edge.

“Look,” Dustin says, his voice dipping into that low and slow and trustworthy thing that makes Steve want to snap the kid’s non-existent collarbones. “I know you won’t tell me what happened, but whatever it was, he’s sorry, okay? He’s really, really sorry. And he asks me about you, like, every day; if I didn’t know any better I’d swear he was in love with you or something.” Steve chokes on his own spit, and Dustin just keeps going; steps right over Steve’s corpse to continue his impassioned plea. “Besides, friends forgive each other! Right, Steve?”

Goddammit. Steve really regrets saying those exact words in that exact order the last time Lucas and Dustin had a fight. “Man, you can’t just use my own brotherly advice against me.”

“I can, and I will.” Wow. What a little shit. “Seriously, dude, come on! How many times do I have to pass on his apology messages before you just talk to him?”

How many times? How many times?

Steve doesn’t know.

He just knows he’s not ready; knows that as soon as he talks to Eddie, it’ll make it all real. It’ll be over for good. Whatever words they exchange next will get etched into the headstone of the thing they briefly had. He opens his mouth to say something, to try and make sense of the vortex in his head, but all he gets for the effort is a fresh migraine coming on.

He’s saved from answering by the doorbell’s chime. “I got some customers,” he says over Dustin's squawk of protest. “Gotta call you back, bye.”

—

part 57

tag list in separate reblogs under '#trailer park steve au taglist' if you'd like to filter that content. if you want to be added please comment and let me know (must be over 21; please either verify in the comment or have your age visible on your blog)

[twig-tea]

With 23.5 finally coming out, the people are rejoicing at finally getting a high profile gl from GMMTV. But there have already been several gls airing this year, including my fav TsukuTabe, that have been flying under the radar with fandom, and in general there are more gls already out there than folks seem to think. I just know you have a list of all the gls we should be watching, please share with the class!

Thank you for the ask! How did you know I had a draft of GL recs to make at some point? [Trick question, I mentioned it to you.]

It may seem like I'm out here hating on GL because i've made a couple of negative reviews of recently airing series recently (Love Senior and Chaser Game W in case you're curious) but I actually have lots of GL that I love and that I wish were better known! Thanks for sending this ask so I am inspired to actually finish it! I've limited myself to series so that I could keep the list and this post to a reasonable length. Where possible I've listed where you can find each of these and included a link. And I've included an 'elevator pitch' summary but I am NOT in marketing for a reason, so please don't roast me too hard for my terrible comparisons. Alright, enough waffling!

Twig's GL Rec List

She Loves to Cook and She Loves to Eat S1 & 2 (Japan, 2022 & 2024, both seasons fansubbed by @furritsubs; if you need help accessing this show feel free to DM me!)

Elevator pitch: Our Dining Table with lesbians and an even slower burn. Watch for beautiful food, acespec rep, mental health and therapy rep

What might turn some off: Extremely low heat, and quite slow-moving; warning for a disordered eating and family trauma plot (v gently handled)

Let's start with the one you've already mentioned. This is a heartwarming slice-of-life slow burn in which an autismspec-coded woman who likes to eat is invited by her neighbour, a femme acespec woman who loves to cook, to come and eat her food. It starts from a very practical place (when you love making food you need someone to help eat it), but their relationship grows as they spend more time together. The story follows them as they both move towards self-actualization in several ways: as a lesbian, as asexual, at work, with their families, with their friends, with each other. This show is so careful to say the important words aloud. And there is so much delicious cooking! Each episode highlights a particular recipe, and the food porn is real. Do not watch while hungry, but definitely watch. The found famiy vibes in this one one are also immaculate.

She Makes My Heart Flutter (Korea, 2022, YouTube)

Elevator pitch: Younger lesbian friend group tries to help out (slightly) older lesbian bar owner with mixed success. I can't think of a good BL equivalent, The Moment Since feels the closest with its similar bartender/patron romance

What might turn some off: Comedic tone; short runtime; struggles with being closeted

This is a gem of a miniseries about a bar owner and an interior designer who smoulder at one another while an intrepid group of younger bar regulars (including the bar owner's neice) meddle. This series is really cute, solid, and full of sapphics! Once again found family vibes are immaculate (you may sense a theme in my faves). Run don't walk.

Fragrance of the First Flower (Taiwan, 2021, GagaOOLala)

Elevator pitch: Right-person-wrong-time/second chance romance; tonally is a little like We Best Love 2: Fighting Mr. 2nd but with an ambiguous ending.

What might turn you off: Medium heat, second chance romance means they break up once, internalized homophobia, adultery/cheating, at one point there's a creepy dude, child with autism (depicted well), ambiguous ending

At its core this is a story of a woman who can't stop getting in the way of her own happiness. This series is a little more sad than the rest of this rec list but I couldn't not include it because this relationship is so poignant. Plus there's a s2 that supposedly is to come out in 2024 so maybe we'll get our happy ending after all?

Love Greater Than or Equal to 70 Degrees C (Korea, 2019, YouTube)

Elevator pitch: Ingredients but with lesbians staring at one another over beautiful tea pairings! What more could you ask for?

What might turn you off: Low heat; short runtime; ambiguous ending; like Ingredients this is essentially a long ad for the café it's filmed at.

This is a Korean miniseries about passionate tea sommeliers making really fancy tea while staring at one another a LOT. Perfect sapphic representation, 10/10 no notes. This one packs a lot of the drama tropes into its short runtime, so even though it's short it's full of butterfly-inspiring moments.

Sleep With Me (Philippines, 2022, GagaOOLala/iWantTFC/Netflix w/VPN set to Philippines)

Elevator pitch: The Truth About Cats and Dogs but the self esteem issues are handled without catfishing. BL equivalent: Hmmm. Closest I can think of is Gaya Sa Pelikula.

What might turn you off: There's some ableism (treated as such) in this show; Open ending.

Stellar GL between a late night radio DJ and an insomniac who listens to her show. One of the main couple is a wheelchair user and the show tackles ablelism and navigating disability in relationship as well as feelings of inadequacy in a relationship and how that manifests as interpersonal conflict.

Our Relationship Ended Before it Began (Korea, 2022, YouTube)

Elevator Pitch: Along the lines of I Cannot Reach You; the show gives both perspectives and they are held back by queer angst.

What might turn you off: No kiss (but they make it very clear both want to kiss), internalized homophobia

Really sweet miniseries about having a crush and being afraid of being hurt so you don't actually make a move. I really like the way the girl who has not dated a girl before defaults to gender roles and it throws the more experienced lesbian lol I also really like the way this show makes clear that both of them are waiting for a kiss, and that if you get in your head about things, it can get in the way of your own happiness!

Pearl Next Door (Philippines, 2020, Youtube)

Elevator Pitch: Gameboys but with lesbian vloggers.

What might turn you off: Love triangle, lots of teasing but low heat in the end, a lot of (good) conversations about mental health issues, ambiguous ending

This is the GL spinoff to Gameboys, starring Pearl from Gameboys. Pearl ends up being fought over by the two gorgeous women in the gif, an old love and a new. I love the queer friendships in this story as much as the relationships. I will say it's an open ending (that felt a bit like the showrunners didn't want to decide between ships) and definitely the love triangle features prominently but even in the face of these aspects that would normally turn me off a series I had a good time. The characters and interpersonal conflicts feel very real, and are allowed to be complex even when the show tone is comedic.

Dear Uranus (Taiwan, 2021, YouTube)

Elevator Pitch: Schoolgirl ensemble GL; a little like My School President but without the singing.

What might turn you off: Short runtime; ambiguous ending; a little bit of bullying; very standard romance trope execution

The first Taiwanese GL miniseries, this series was produced by a Taiwanese lesbian couple (Rabbit & Wolf)! Lots of excellent drama tropes, and incredibly gorgeous women (I think the entire watching audience fell in love with Erol.

Lily Fever (Korea, 2015, YouTube)

Elevator pitch: Complete crack; YYY but with more kissing and frankly an even less coherent story.

What might turn you off: The lack of coherent plot; less a romance and more a very thirsty lesbian kissing everyone she can

This miniseries is utter chaos. Nothing really makes sense, it's all just random excuses to cause very suggestive moments (and kissing) to happen. I love so much how this series depicts women being so absolutely thirsty for one another (and yes that date isn't a typo, this series is ~9 years old). Not an "happy ever after" ending but it really isn't that kind of story.

Chasing Sunsets (Philippines, 2020, YouTube)

Elevator pitch: Ocean Likes Me with lesbians. Resort romance with a mental health twist.

What might turn you off: Some of the mental health stuff gets intense, this was filmed in 2020 so the pandemic features heavily; hopeful but slightly ambiguous ending.

A complex story from the Philippines covering mental health and finding yourself. A woman shows up to a resort and befriends one of the women running the resort. They get closer as they spend time together, and the resort owner realizes something is off. There's also a BL side couple in this series.

Show Me Love (Thai, 2023, YouTube)

Elevator pitch: A little like My Day the series with lesbians, in that they work together and fall in love and it's full of tropes

What might turn you off: The advertising for the Miss Grand competition, there is some bullying and cheating (though way less than I was expecting tbh), not a lot actually happens, the editing gets a bit wonky at the end

This is essentially a massive ad for the Miss Grand Thailand competition; this GL was produced by the same company that produces that competition, and the stars are mostly Miss Grand competitors. The main pairing were shipped in the actual competition, and the company decided to make a GL about them. It's very slow paced and low-stakes, and there are better kisses than I expected considering everything I just said about where this show came from. There are a lot of cute moments!

Girlfriend Project (Korea, 2022, YouTube)

Elevator Pitch: Love Class with lesbians

What might turn you off: One of the leads is kind of mean in that pgitail-pulling way? It ends abruptly (but happily)

This is a short miniseries about two girls paired in a class that are assigned to "date". The chemistry is chemistrying. And there is a kiss (a good kiss, and a tiptoes kiss at that!). This show also has one of my favourite tropes, in which someone who seems like a pushover stands up for themselves and their partner finds it very attractive. For the record, in this show they are watching another GL by the same company, Love Tech.

Lulu (Philippines, 2022, Vivamax/grey)

Elevator Pitch: Present Perfect with lesbians (but with a better ending).

What might turn you off: Depictions of panic attacks, brief depiction of drowning, pandemic lockdowns, illness, exes, waffling, happy but open ending (which I actually liked for this story)

Two women trying to move on from the garbage in their lives meet at the beach of a B&B (where one saves the other from drowning) and become one another's company during their escape and then something more. They both have baggage that seems determined to keep them apart even as they continue to be drawn together. In the end, they decide to stick it out and see where they end up, with no guarantee of happily ever after, which I found very sweet. Requires either a VivaMax account or searching the grey for it, but it's worth the effort (check MyDramaList comments for suggestions on where to find it). Plus one of the leads has a cactus as a pet.

Welcome to the Lesbian Bar (Korea, 2023, YouTube)

Elevator Pitch: A little like Fudanshi Bartender but without the fudanshi bartender and all of the bar patrons are lesbians lol

What might turn you off: Short, can get a little bit preachy, abrupt ending

Cute short series with different very stories every episode as different patrons visit the bar. The stories range from women who have been together for awhile, to people meeting from an online app for the first time, to someone visiting a lesbian bar for the first time; and yet the story all weaves together in a way that's satisfying though ends abruptly. Includes some solid marriage equality propaganda.

GAP the Series (Thai, 2022, YouTube)

Elevator Pitch: Kind of the vibes of Together with Me but lesbians and in an office instead of school. Angry boss falls for charming new intern and

What might turn you off: This one is the highest heat of all these recs; homophobia especially amongst family, brief depictions of death by car, brief mentions of suicide, cheating, bullying, abuse of power in the office.

A list would not be complete without this one! Honestly the plot is a bit wobbly but the show is a lot of fun. The girls are very cute, the feelings and tension builds really well between them, the friend group is excellent, and in the special we get a wedding.

---

The rest of these have caveats of one kind or another, but i couldn't leave them off a rec list, so here are the side couples and censored stories that are still worth your time anyway (I might do a separate more detailed post for these, as well as for films, one day if there's interest):

Nevertheless (GL side; Korean, 2021, Netflix) Not sure it's worth watching a whole kdrama for side lesbians? Search soljiwan on youtube. They are great. Even the Netflix account stans them. I watched this (ngl, I watched the SolJiwan cut) as it aired and was constantly braced for it to let us down but it did not! A really good friends-to-lovers story.

Friend Zone 2: Dangerous Area (GL side; Thailand, 2019, YouTube): These sapphics are messy and I love them. Decent conversation about dating someone with mental health issues in this series, and they're one of the only couples in this ensemble to get a happy ending. If you're just watching the lesbian couple (which you can, their story is pretty self-contained) you don't need to have seen s1.

Six Survivors (GL side; Japan, 2022, Viki) This show is a horror comedy and it is SO MUCH FUN. Warning for zombies and blood, but way less than you might think. One of the eponymous 6 survivors is a lesbian who keeps trying to convert them to veganism lol. If you watched Chaser Game W you'll recognize one of the actresses in this, the lead actress is from Kamisama no Ekohiiki, and one of the guys is from the prequel series His as well as I Want to See Only You! And yes there is a kiss. Also a surprising number of Mallrats references. Not for people who can't handle gore or relationships being complicated/not a "true love" story/ambiguous ending.

Kamisama no Ekohiiki (complicated question of is it GL in parts, Japan, 2021, furritsubs once again coming through to save the day) This one is a bit complex because there's bodyswap, but the girl who falls for the bodyswapped boy-in-a-girl's-body is clear that she is only interested in the girl. One of the better bodyswap stories because the bodyswap is not a secret for very long, so instead there's a lot of introspection about what gender means and who/what they are attracted to. Feels wrong to call this GL, necessarily, but it's very queer.

Couple of Mirrors (Censored GL, China, 2021, Viki) Story of a rich girl and her assassin girlfriend. This production did an amazing job getting away with what they could, just don't watch the last five minutes and we've got essentially a happy lesbian family.

Legend of Yunze (Censored GL, China, 2021, @douqi7s) Very cute very low budget xianxia miniseries with two seasons and a special. The special is set in modern times in a future lifetime so if you want a cute censored-but-clearly-a-soulmate-love-story this is the one for you. Don't be thrown off by the weird cuts/abrupt episode endings, that's in line with cdramas in general.

Led Astray by Love (Censored GL, China, 2021, @douqi7s) A very fun and adorable isekai story in which a modern day girl is transported to a wuxia novel setting and has to figure out how to get home, and gets romanced by the princess along the way.

And a few additional links for people who even more content:

My Indian sapphic webseries rec list

My suggestions for content with toms (Thai category that's similar to but not exactly the same as butch lesbians) in response to this post.

This really good GL MyDramaList list (not made by me!) lists what seems to be everything I've mentioned and about 200 more. Even I haven't seen a few of these!

My YouTube playlist of sapphic content: This includes anything I stumble across or find in my searches, a lot of music videos and random shorts as well as some microseries and miniseries that I don't consider GL but are WLW/sapphic in addition to true "GL" content. For serialized content, I add just the first ep. A complete mess, but you can trawl through to find stuff to watch, like Hetero!

SOONOTSUE: The same producers of She Makes My Heart Flutter have other short series on their channel worth checking out; if you liked that one, try Out of Breath!

Shakeshoulder: Thai YouTube producers of very pulpy (read: low budget and dramatic plots) shorts

FuFuKnows: This YouTube channel is owned by a gay Taiwanese couple that produces shorts every week, including some with GL mains and sides. These are very low budget but cover a whole swath of queer themes.

@douqi7s is a godsend providing subtitles for all kinds of content, including sapphic shorts and more series than I've listed here. Check their tumblr for links to all of their content; A Practical Guide to Being a Superstar's Assistant has one of the best setups to giving us great moments in the guise of something else so that they get past censorship I've ever seen; I also recommend The Vampires if you're into genre fiction, as well as Legend of Yunqian if you enjoyed the xianxia parts of Legend of Yunze. @wlwcatalogue did an excellent summary of many of the non-wuxia options here.

Quick pitch for the streaming platform GagaOOLala; it's affordable, has a ton of content, including a whack of GLs (originals, license series, and a ton of shorts), and is run by queer people out of Taiwan who care about good quality queer content being made and having an audience, and using the soft power from those successful series to support social change. And if you can't afford a subscription it's worth checking out what they have for free, they open up temporary free access to some things for various events throughout the year.

In searching for gifs for this post I found fellow tumblr user @drowningparty 's WLW compendium list; they've listed more series and films so check it out if you still need more content!

*wipes sweat off brow* that should be enough to be getting on with, but it's really just the tip of the iceberg! If there's something specific you want to see with sapphics let me know and I can tell you if I know it exists. Anyway, I hope this gives you and everyone else a taste of what all is out there! I of course always want more, I am serious about being a sapphic dragon hoarding every crumb i can get my lizardy hands on, but I do think what we have should also be appreciated more. If I missed one of your faves, please tell me!

[burstinn]

Hello 👋, could I request some cod characters (perhaps Ghost, Price or Krüeger) defending a male military reader from a bunch of guys that are being homophobic to him?

Homophobes die

Warnings and Notes:

All relationships here is platonic or could potentially be seen as romantic

Krueger is somehow in the 141, just pretend he is.. Yknow.. Just pretend..

You get beaten the fuck up, your face is literally fucked up

Blatant homophobia

The only people shown is Ghost, Price, and Krueger

Being openly gay in the military is hard.

Not everyone has the same belief, but by God do they need to atleast be a little respectful.

Well, aside from some "out there" remarks about you or some men coming up to you just to ask to help them yknow take some stress off. They're not gay they swear they just needed to take it off without just jerking themselves off.

All that fun shebang, but then there's the 3rd. The people who go out of their way to just fuck with you.

They are literally the mix of the 1st and 2nd group. But make it 100 times worse, but they're favorite thing to do is more physical things.

Beating the shit out of you the chance they get. You're almost used to it now. Can't even snitch about it, they'll catch you before you do. Hell, they'll manage to spin some bullshit to make it your fault.

Which brings you toooo.. Today! The peak of Pride Month! Which you were reminded of by your good pals!

Being dragged off to a corner and beating the fucking shit out of you while congratulating you about pride month.

"It's gay month, hope your f---got ass is happy about that. This is your prize for it!"

"Maybe you were hoping to suck some dick today? No?"

Such great words really wow.

You couldn't really answer much.. Blood dripping out of your nose and pooling down to your mouth, pretty sure you lost some teeth.

Not like you can see either, brutal punches hit really hard. A black eye, a few broken bones.. Maybe your rib.

A few good kicks to the stomach. On your cock as well.

GHOST

- he heard it.

- He was looking for you and 'your pals' since you and them missed training and punishment is needed for that.

- Then he heard it

- stopping in his tracks and peering off in the corner seeing you getting beaten bloodied, black and blue.

- He needed to intervene shit look at you.

- He stepped out of the corner, grabbing the shoulder of one of the guys that was about to connect his hand to your face

- Anger courses through the guy who was about to punch turning around to see who dares grab him. Before his confidence falters seeing.. Lieutenant Ghost towering over them a fixed angered glare on them.

- "Prices office Now"

- There was no argument.. They immediately scurry off. Leaving you slumped over. Bloody, swollen.

- He turned his attention to you, carrying you in his arms.. Cradling you.

- "fuck, are you alright?" " hey! Stay awake soldier!"

- He pulls you close, running off with you in his arms. Demanding a medic.Immediately

- He leaves you to be patched up by the medics. Anger written in his face as he makes his way to Prices office.

- Price waiting on Ghost to explain what happened

- He looked like he wanted to kill them, he could've but he might get kicked out of military or arrested idk

PRICE

- He got a heads up a few minutes ago from Ghost that he was looking for you and these guy that were now in front of him.

- He did remember Ghost stalking off somewhere to find you and the dudes that were right in front of him

- He decides to not ask them and wait for Ghost instead.

- Once Ghost arrived, hearing the explanation made him seethe with frustration and disgust.. He knew you were gay but he didn't think people his soldiers no less would treat you like that

- He doesn't need to hear any more

- He discharged them immediately. Walking off with Simon to see you in medbay

- He had to make sure all his soldiers are safe

KRÜEGER

- He was walking by Price's office, He's heard a figh broke out and the person who was beat up was in the medics

- He might as well see who it was

- Just as he was about to fully pass by Price's office. He heard something..

- He stops in his tracks, leaning now against the door to listen.. And he heard everything

- His expression slowly growing darker and darker as he continues listening

- He's heard just about enough, He decides to skip seeing you.. He could comfort you later..

- I mean, You both were close but not that close. But still it's not like he can't not care about you.

- He has planned.. Something else for those men

- They went M. I. A after that, No one bothers to look. It's not the militarys problem any more..

°°°

| A Week Later|

"Hey.. Guten Tag, hey! Wake up"

.. Krueger.. He's waking you up

Furrowing your brow in annoyance before you force yourself to open your eyes..

You sit up tilting your head to look at Krüeger.

"Wie geht's?"

"OK, Mir ghet es Gut.. Danke, Krueger"

He nods, looking at your bandaged face.

"You should let 'im rest Krueger"

A deeper, more British voice comes from behind Krueger

"I'm just checking up on him"

Ghost is here too.. How nice, they took their time to see you

"Botha' you, Get back to work. Leave him alone"

And.. Price

" It's fine cap, I'm good"

"You sure? You still look messed up Don't worry we took care of them bastards, we discharged them"

Silence from Krueger.. Looking at the ground for a moment

"Ja... Yeah mmhm"

Weird.. But it's nice that these people care for you.

[elliesbelle]

nobody compares to you

chapter 7

pairing: ellie x reader

synopsis: you're in your junior year of college and at a party, you run into the girl who broke your heart: ellie williams. despite the time it took to reset your life, will you risk a broken heart again for her?

content warnings: modern college au, dealer!ellie, LOSER!ELLIE, cursing, ANGST, use of marijuana and alcohol, brief mention of death, descriptions of a weapon (it's just ellie's switchblade), sexual speech and content, brief mention of violence, brief description of homophobia, ellie's POV, minors do not interact

word count: 3.5k

chapters: one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten, eleven, twelve, thirteen, fourteen

series masterlist

my masterlist

i have a ko-fi if you like my work so much that you feel compelled to tip me ♡︎

the "nobody compares to you" spotify playlist

“Ellie, seriously, calm down. Also, can you hand me the fucking joint already?” 

Dina watches as Ellie paces back and forth across the living room of the apartment Ellie shared with Jesse. She’d come back early from her Electrical Engineering Design class after silently storming out a mere 15 minutes into the lecture. She had her Particle Physics class in less than an hour, but she had very little intention of attending. 

She’d even bailed on making a quick stop at Ruston Coffee in order to reclaim the jacket she’d lent to Daniela. She had four unread texts from her, but she ignored them. 

“Dude, I just—” Ellie starts. 

“I know,” Dina replies. “But can you blame her?” 

Ellie doesn’t reply, instead angrily groaning as she plops down next to Dina on the couch. She hands Dina the joint, which was already half-burnt. 

“God, at least ash it first,” Dina complains, taking it from her and flicking the dusty remains into an ashtray on the coffee table. “Anyway, what the fuck is she supposed to do? Not move on from you?” 

“No, but—” 

“You’re only this mad because Abby Anderson’s the one she was seeing before you,” Dina says before taking a hit of the joint. “I mean, you’d still be irritated if it was someone else. But now, your ego is a little bruised.” 

“Oh, shut the fuck up.” Ellie scoffs. “And she and I weren’t seeing each other, we—” 

“It’s been two fucking years. You need to stop saying that shit.” Dina interrupts, getting exasperated. 

“We literally weren’t—” 

“Who the fuck cares, Ellie?”

“D—” Ellie attempts, but Dina continues. 

“She was in love with you, and you were so fucking in love with her. And don’t try to pull that shit with me, saying that you weren’t in love with her.” Dina adds, seeing that Ellie was about to interrupt once more. “Everyone saw it, and everyone knew it. Fuck, even Joel saw it, and it’s Joel.” 

Ellie says nothing, choosing to stare intensely at her fists. They were turning white from how hard she was clenching them in agitation. 

It had been so long since she’d seen your smile, the honest and genuine kind that you used to flash at her countless times. She hadn’t seen it since before your cousin Rafael passed away. The way it’d adorned your face so naturally just now, it broke something in her today the moment she glanced your way. Something that she’d hastily patched up after you cut her off completely. And for Abby Anderson to be the reason for that smile… 

Dina purposely blowing smoke in Ellie’s face wakes her up from her reverie. 

“The fuck, D…” Ellie complains, coughing and fanning a hand in her face to clear the smoke. 

“Jesse and I love you very much,” Dina continues, ignoring her curses. “But to be honest, we’ve kind of been pissed with you for a while now.” 

Ellie’s eyes shoot up to frown at her. 

“What is that supposed to mean?” 

Dina sighs. 

“We love her a lot too, you know. And we miss her. The past year, she’s pulled away from us because of you. And we would have pushed, but she asked us not to. She asked us not to choose and to just keep being friends with you like normal.” 

“I—“ Ellie stutters. “I didn’t know that.” 

“Because she told us not to tell you.” Dina sighs. “Even after you hurt her, she still thought about you. She knew how much we mean to each other, and she didn’t want to get in the way of that. And that’s why she hasn’t told either me or Jesse what happened between you two when you took her home at the end of that summer.” 

Ellie puts her head in her hands, recalling that drive. That day rattled in her mind constantly over the past year or so. She’d tried consistently to repress it at first, but it was all cemented in her mind: your nervous twitching and fidgeting, the way your lips trembled when you spoke, the redness of your eyes as you fought not to cry. Eventually, she gave up trying to forget it all; deep down, she knew she deserved to live with the guilt. 

“Fuck.” Ellie sighs. 

“Yeah.” 

They sit in silence for a few moments as Dina finished the rest of the joint, eventually putting it out on the ashtray. 

“So,” Dina finally speaks. “You gonna tell me what made her break up with you?” 

Ellie sighs. 

“I don’t think you really wanna know, D.” She mutters. 

“You know,” Dina says. “It’s not really fair that you’ve had me and Jesse update you nonstop the past year on what’s been going on with her, but then you won’t tell either of us what went down.” 

“It’s just…” Ellie continues, thinking. “I know you both think I was real shitty for what I did to her. And I’m not saying you shouldn’t think that. But I don’t want you both to think that I’m a complete and total asshole.” 

“Well, that’s where you’re wrong.” 

“What do you mean?” 

“You are a complete and total asshole.” Dina shrugs. 

“Oh, you dick.” Ellie says, smacking Dina’s arm a little too hard. 

“Ow!” Dina complains, rubbing the spot where Ellie hit her. “We don’t all go to the gym religiously, you know. Some of us are delicate!” 

“Pussy.” Ellie chuckles. 

Dina rolls her eyes before getting up from the couch. 

“Anyway, get your shit together, Williams. I gotta go.” She says. “Got class in about 20 minutes.” 

“Skip it.” 

“No. Go to your next class, Els.” 

“Yeah, yeah, whatever.” Ellie says dismissively, brushing her off. 

Dina said her goodbyes and waved before leaving the apartment, locking the door behind her. 

Ellie sat with her thoughts for a moment before getting up to walk to the kitchen. She grabs a mug from the cabinets, one decorated with a red-winged blackbird on one side and a sandhill crane on the other. After she nearly fills it to the brim with whiskey, she begins drinking it impatiently as she makes her way into her bedroom. 

She places her now half-empty mug on her bedside table before plopping down onto her bed. Not bothering to remove her dirty Converse, she stares up at the prickly, white ceiling. 

Abby Anderson? Why her? 

Her tattooed arm was positioned above her forehead while the other laid on her side, her old, trusty switchblade suddenly in her hand. She starts playing with it mindlessly as thoughts of you swim inside her head. 

When the fuck did she start seeing her again? She didn’t even like Anderson that much… 

Ellie’s mind was a battlefield. She begins recalling memories of you when you’d talk about Abby Anderson, trying to discern the level of attraction you had for her from the bashful looks on your face and the dreaminess in your voice. At the same time, she was trying to push away her own emotion from those memories: the forced smile she’d give you when you brought Anderson up, the way she bit her tongue from unleashing nasty, sarcastic retorts about her, the seething rage she felt as she stormed away from you the first night she dropped you off at Anderson’s dorm. 

She didn’t even… She only slept with her once…  

Ellie thinks about that evening, when she watched you getting ready. She tried desperately to shut out the images of your tender eyes begging for her approval, your messy hair cascading down as you’d taken it out of its bun, every curve of your body that she was allowed a glimpse of when she’d helped you dress, your lips…

Anderson was just some fucking hook-up, I know she was… 

Ellie remembers miserably how she waited until you’d completely turned away to watch how mesmerizing you looked as you ascended the steps to Anderson’s dorm. Ellie remembers the disappointed look you had on your face, crest-fallen that she’d kept you at arms-length the rest of the evening. She remembers wanting desperately to call out your name, stop you from walking through the door, and claim you for herself. She remembers nearly doing so, but her courage had not moved swiftly enough. 

I fucked her hundreds more times… There’s no way Anderson is pleasing her like I did… I’m the one who knows how to… 

Ellie begins speculating on what you’ve been doing hanging around Anderson again. There’s no way that you were just friends. She sees the way Anderson swaggers when they occupy the gym together, her flirty smirk as she greets people as she walks down hallways. Ellie recognizes another lesbian player when she sees one, and she knew for a fact how popular Anderson was with other girls. And more than anything, Ellie knows how beautiful you are. She knows that anyone within five feet of you would be delusional not to want a chance. 

Anderson’s not her type… Anderson is not her fucking type… What the hell is she doing? She can do a whole lot fucking better… 

Ellie’s thoughts unravel as she wonders about what Anderson was saying that was making you laugh so much. She obsesses over the way you were touching her arm, how your fingers brushed over her muscled bicep. She torments herself about what you were letting her do to you at this very moment. 

I just… I just fucking saw her a couple of days ago… She’s single, she looked fucking single… 

Were you spending the night at her place this evening? Were you all dolled up today just to see her? Is Anderson taking you out on a date tonight or is she bringing you straight to her bedroom? Has she touched you already today? Has she kissed those cherry-flavoured lips of yours once more yet? Is she lifting your dress over your head or are you doing it for her? Is she kissing your neck as her fingers make their way down into your underwear to— 

Ellie sits up all of a sudden, yelling in frustration and hurling her switchblade across the room. She breathes heavily as she stares at her knife now fastened securely into the drywall, halfway stuck resulting from a throw a little too vigorous. 

“Fuck me.” Ellie huffs, disgruntled, not by the damaged wall, but by the jealousy smoldering within her. 

Why? 

Ellie picks up her half-empty mug of booze and chugs it. As droplets of whiskey dribble down her chin, she glances at the painted birds on her now-empty mug. 

Joel had bought it during a trip to a thrift store when she was 14 after she’d begged him to get it for her. Every time before the school year started, she’d always be sure to pack it to take with her, a piece of home. It was her favourite mug and it reminded her of her father. 

She missed him. She wished she was back home in Jackson with him right now, away from these problems. Life felt so much more simple when it was just her and Joel, just the two of them against the rest of the world. But she was no longer 14 and no longer an innocent. 

Ellie sighs. She deliberates for a moment or two. Maybe she could call Joel, tell him what was going on. He knew her best, besides Dina and Jesse. He usually steered her in the right direction, whether it was in a way she initially agreed with or not. 

In the end, Ellie decides against it. Explaining lesbianism to a well-meaning but clueless 60-something-year-old man was hard enough. Having to illustrate the current state of her love life? Ellie didn’t have the time or patience to describe to her father how lesbian situationships worked, much less what a “situationship” was. She’d give him a brain aneurysm within thirty seconds of her explanation. 

She also thinks back to the last conversation she had with Joel about you. He’d given her yet another caring but stern lecture before she headed back to campus for this school year. She knows deep down exactly how her father felt about you. Is that what she wanted to hear right now? 

Ellie lets herself fall back onto the bed, pulling her phone out of her pocket once her head hit her pillow. She swipes away yet another text from Daniela without bothering to skim it and opens up Instagram. Almost instinctively, she switches over from her main account to a separate one.  

For the first three months after you and Ellie fell out, you had her number and all her socials blocked. She hadn’t exactly tried to reach out to you during that time, but she hadn’t been able to resist the temptation to lurk. She’d treated it like she was defusing a bomb: she’d delicately open up social media, hastily type in your name, only to be abruptly greeted with blank screens. She wasn’t surprised. But whether out of pure curiosity or masochism, she’d continued this routine of searching your username on different platforms just to stare at nothing for a couple of minutes. 

Ellie wasn’t sure what had suddenly prompted you to one day unblock her from everything. For a while, she waited to see if this meant anything, if you were going to reach out to her in some kind of way. But after a few days of nothing, she accepted the continued, albeit unblocked, silence. She wasn’t naive; she never expected you to come back to her. At least she could still snoop in peace. 

Though not exactly adept with social media, Ellie wasn’t stupid. When she wanted to look at your Instagram page, she did so through a fake, secret account that she’d made solely for that purpose. It felt pitiful to do so, at least at first. But she’d known you had no intention of speaking to her again, and therefore no longer needed to impress you; so she swallowed the feelings of shame and self-disgust every time. 

Switching over to a blank account with the user name “br!ck_master2013” that has 2 followers (both of which were bot profiles) and was following 0 accounts, Ellie types in your username by heart in the search bar. She scans your Instagram page for any changes. You don’t update it often; your last post is from early the previous summer and is just pictures of your family cat Clementine who had passed away. 

A purple and orange circle dances around your icon, indicating you’ve posted something on your story within the last 24 hours. She let out an agitated breath before pressing her thumb onto the mirror selfie you’d set as your profile picture. 

There are four stories: the first is from 22 hours ago and was a fan art post of a video game she knew you liked, the second is from 18 hours ago and was a picture of the mocha frappe Dina had gotten you the day prior with a caption thanking and tagging Dina, the third is from 15 hours ago of a post that read, “Don’t Want To See Trans People? Gouge Out Your Eyes” (prompting her to chuckle to herself), and the fourth is from this morning. Ellie’s breathing hitches. 

It was a selfie you’d taken in your bathroom before you left for class. You’d captioned it with “fuck mondays but at least i’m cute,” an understatement in Ellie’s eyes. She was only permitted a minute to gaze at you in person earlier today, and it was from several feet away. A picture doesn’t amount to the real thing, but at least she can fully drink you in with her ocean green eyes this time, completely at her leisure. 

You were wearing that same pretty, floral sundress, the sweater you were wearing earlier missing from your ensemble in the photograph. She doesn't recognize the dress, so she figures it must be new. Ellie thinks it looked like it was made for you, the way it fits you so perfectly. 

She then dares to stare at your face. Even after all these years, she revels in how flawlessly you were always able to have your makeup complement your appearance. It was a gift, really, how you used colours to, not create your beauty, but accentuate it. And you seemed to have gotten even better at it now. 

Ellie keeps taking in your image for what feels like a hundred years until your Instagram story closes out on her. She blinks and then sighs. 

There’s no way Anderson hasn’t made a move on her already. 

Ellie reaches underneath her bed and grabs her laptop. She knows what she was about to do pushed her even further into loser lesbian territory, but she had passed the point of caring long, long ago. She opens up her laptop and clicks on the Spotify application on her desktop. 

The window pops up to display a few recommended albums and playlists. Scrolling past her most recently listened to song (“Novacane” by Frank Ocean), she clicks on the little icon on the top right that says “Friend Activity.” A sidebar opens up to reveal icons of a handful of Ellie’s friends. And of you. 

When you’d blocked Ellie from everything, she guessed correctly that you wouldn’t think of blocking her on something as trivial as a music app. Most people in your generation didn’t really pay much attention to these stupid little details. But Ellie did. And she was thankful you didn’t. 

Ignoring what songs the rest of her friends were listening to at the moment, she looked for your icon to see what you were playing. According to the tiny grey letters next to your picture, you were listening to “decode” by some artist named Sabrina Carpenter. 

Ellie chuckles quietly. You had a rather wide variety in music taste, always having been musically inclined. But you weren’t immune to enjoying and fixating on what she would call “generic, top 40 pop straight girl music.” She’d tease you about this relentlessly, to which you would respond by turning the song up even louder and belting your heart out to it. Even though it was in the act of defying her, Ellie always noted internally what a pretty voice you had when you sang. 

She figures that this artist was your current new fixation. She grabs her spare earphones from the drawer of her bedside table, plugging them into her laptop. She clicks on the song you're still listening to and lets it play. As the song progresses, Ellie feels her heart sink. 

♫ You're good at the fallin', not the stayin' there / You're good at the givin' too much, then gettin' scared

You're good at impersonating someone who cares / And you had me for a minute there ♫

Ellie shifts her laptop to one side and rolls to the other, allowing the music to continue in her ears. 

♫ But now I wonder why / I let your confusion keep me up at night 

I'm so tired / Reread every single undertone ♫ 

Ellie sighs, hooking an arm underneath her pillow, clutching it tightly as she clenches her jaw. 

♫ There's a weight off my shoulders now that I don't chase you / Bein' myself, did that emasculate you? 

Learnin' from you that I can walk away too / And you had me for a minute too ♫

Ellie frowns, closing her eyes, allowing the song to envelop her in shame. 

♫ Now I wonder why / I let your confusion keep me up at night 

I'm so tired / Reread every single undertone and I—♫ 

“Yo, Williams—” A voice interrupts with a knock on her bedroom door. 

Ellie shoots up from her bed, earphones tearing out from her ears. 

“What?” Ellie answers, irritated. 

Jesse’s head pokes itself through the doorway. His expression turned into amusement once he saw hers of annoyance.  

“Oh, sorry, dude. Did I wake you?” 

“Yeah, but it’s fine,” Ellie lies, relaxing a little and tapping the spacebar to pause the song. “What’s up?” 

Jesse scans her features further. He took a step in, leaning against the doorframe. 

“You alright?” 

“All good, dude,” She says, closing her laptop and hopping off her bed. “Was just having a bad dream.” 

Jesse considers this when his eyes wander to Ellie’s knife sticking out of the wall. 

“Bro.” He says, pointing to it. 

“It was a really bad dream, alright?” She shrugs. 

“Els,” He groans. “If we don’t get our security deposit back—“ 

“Yeah, yeah, I’ll fix it.” She says, crossing her arms. “What did you want?” 

“You got a second? Got someone here who wants to buy.” 

Ellie sighs. 

“Yeah, okay. They good?” 

“Should be.” Jesse confirms. 

“Fine.” Ellie replies, standing up straighter and rolling up the sleeves to her flannel. 

“Cool. You might have actually met him the other night.” Jesse jabs his thumb towards the living room, beckoning her to follow him. 

“The other night?” Ellie questions, trailing after. 

“Yeah, he was with us at the diner after the party.” 

“Wait, what?” 

Before Jesse can answer, Ellie’s eyes fall on who Jesse had brought into their apartment. Wearing a backwards cap, a plain navy blue t-shirt & khakis, their visitor looks like every other standard, forgettable college frat boy. 

But Ellie didn’t forget. In fact, Ellie remembers exactly who he was quite well. 

“You remember Adam?” Jesse asks.

“Man, really? Didn’t clock you as a queer.” 

“Yeah,” Ellie answers, eyes seeing red and hands balling up in fists. “Yeah, I remember you.”

author’s notes:

okay so part of why this took me so long to write and why it also took a lot of convincing on my own part to post is cause i was writing it from ellie's perspective and that was a lot harder than i thought!! didn't plan it to be this way tbh but that's what flowed and well, here it is!

i hope all the college descriptions i’ve been writing have been realistic enough! i had a messy collegiate experience myself and i ended up dropping out after a few years, so i’m just trying to write from experiences from so many years ago (i legit researched what kind of classes aspiring astronauts need to take cause we know our girl wants to go up in space).

the birds on ellie's mug are just references to a couple of my gf's favourite birds (she's an avid bird watcher and she loves birds hehe)!

also idk why i know ellie's a whiskey drinker, but god i just know she is. what butch lesbian is not a whiskey drinker (just from personal experience, don't kill me).

you get a gold star if you got that "brick master" reference ♡︎

i also don't know why i know ellie would listen to frank ocean, but god her loser ass would be LISTENINGGGG to frank ocean. thank you also to everyone for bearing with me and my current sabrina carpenter phase rn ♡︎

does anyone else still look at their friends activity on spotify or is that just me. i love seeing what my friends are up to! i use the airbuds app too, i feel so involved. yeah, that is a pic of me from many years ago as reader's tiny little icon the spotify pic, that's the most y'all get as a pic of me rn sdklfjsd

taglist: @lonelyfooryouonly, @elliesinterlude, @sawaagyapong, @peppesgirl, @iconsoft, @maybeidohaveadhd, @ellieswifee, @valiantllamapersonpony-blog, @nil-eena, @echostinn, @uraesthete, @softbunlvr, @cherriessxinthespring, @amitycat, @thefishymissy, @yevheniiaaaa, @machetegirl109, @bertandfearnie, @ximtiredx, @efam, @elliesnoviecita, @digit4lslut, @tayyyystan, @emothurman, @livvy-2000, @abigaillovestoread, @gold-dustwomxn, @liabadoobee, @yuckyfucky, @qtefolleunpez, @libr4sonsa, @17luv, @robinismywifee, @villainousbear, @ashlynnnnnnnn15, @scarlettadore, @vianna99, @g0n3girls, @totheblood, @embermdk, @awyunh, @kenz-ee, @marvelwomen-simp

[firstkanaphans]

if i have permission to be a bit of a bitch in your inbox (feel free to ignore this if not), the dichotomy people build between bl and queer media is sooooo fascinating. and of course by that i mean it gives me hives. the universalizing of 'real queer experiences' is obnoxious as hell, but how its been applied to ofts has really shown me why i find it so obnoxious. most of the people who hold this dichotomy would never classify a bl that ignores homophobia as 'authentically queer' media. but i definitely saw people who hoped that the 'authentically queer' ofts would exist in a bubble without any slutshaming, or that it would be resolutely shut down in show. but in my aroallo experience? that would be as inauthentic as the no homophobia bubble, so where does that leave us?

also the circular logic in the bl vs queer media arguments is mind numbing. 'bl doesnt cover these types of themes' yeah dude because you forcibly remove everything with those themes from the bl category in your head. 'queer media must acknowledge homophobia' the idea that a story by queer people about queer characters isnt really queer because it chooses to focus on joy or discovery or any other facet of queer existence is so fucking depressing. go hug a queer friend and think about why you feel queerness is defined by suffering before anything else.

Oh, hey, you found my soap box, Anon! Let me just step on up there with you for a minute.

So, first off, let me just say how much I hate the term “authentically” queer. It seems to suggest that in order to be queer, you have to be queer a certain way. As an ultra femme lesbian, the queer community often makes me feel like I’m not queer enough. That I don’t understand the hardships that come with being gay because I am “straight-passing.” This is the same thing people do to BLs. News flash: if you’re queer, you’re queer. Period. Congratulations, that’s all it takes to be authentic!

I don’t think it’s a coincidence that a large percentage of the people I see using this designation are straight women who think that queer suffering is a necessary part of the queer experience, but a lot of “authentically queer” people—me included—don’t want to be reminded of our real-life suffering every time we turn on the TV. Heartstopper is triggering for me. Bad Buddy is not. As a queer woman currently living in Ron DeSantis’s Florida,  I deserve to be able to turn on the TV every once in a while and not be reminded that there are people in the world who want me dead.

I’ve learned that when people describe a BL as “authentically queer,” what they actually mean is “This BL feels more Western”—the racist insinuation there being that Western media is inherently better.

I feel like The Eclipse is a good example of this hypocrisy. No one has ever called The Eclipse “authentically queer” despite the fact that it delivers one of the most nuanced takes on the dangers of systemic homophobia that I have seen anywhere. The writers of both the source material and the script are gay men. The director is queer. That seems to meet all of the qualifications these people set for “authentically queer” and yet no one has ever questioned that The Eclipse is a BL. Why? Because it incorporates traditionally Asian/yaoi humor tropes such as the pratfall and the accidental kiss. 

Are you sensing a pattern? It’s not the queer-ness of a piece of media that determines whether it is seen as “authentic.” It is its “Western-ness.”

Let me be very clear: All BLs are “authentically queer” media because the only requirement needed for a piece of media to be “authentically” queer is for the characters to be queer. And if you don’t like that, then maybe stop watching BLs.

If the people who were producing these shows had a problem with the term, that would be another discussion, but they don’t. P’Jojo has never advertised Only Friends as anything other than a BL. The fandom did that for him. And with all due respect, if the people making the fucking thing are calling it a BL, then it’s a fucking BL.

So, yeah. Not liking BLs doesn’t make you cool. It makes you a bigot. The fact that the term has become so derogatory is rooted in both racism and misogyny because this was originally a genre created by women, for women, and the hobbies of women are so often infantilized.

BLs are queer media. Die mad about it.

[kawataslvr]

Hi

Can I request a Mikey (tokyo revenger) x male reader.

Where they both know they love each other, but the reader is scared to date him 'cause they're both men. And Mikey is just trying to convince him (at the end the reader agreed), please ?

Summary : Angst -> Fluff ,, Internalized homophobia ,, hinted at homophobia from readers parents ,, He/Him Pronouns .

A/N : guys i rlly like mikey 😍🙏 this one hit very close to home 🪂

You really liked Mikey, yes he really did, well, as a friend.. right??

So why did his heart pound faster and faster whenever he was around him, its not like he was afraid of rejection.

He’s been told multiple times Mikey had a thing for him, everyone knew it. Wasn’t ever a secret since you two met.

You tried to ignore the feelings, everyone was just playing around. Because you couldn’t like a boy that was GROSS.

Right? thats what your brain told you, so why was your heart betraying you so badly? why was it craving Mikey so often?

It was probably just the teasing from everyone that was getting to your head.

Maybe thats why your heart dropped and then rapidly sped up way too quick when Mikey gave you a confession letter, you could tell Emma had helped him on it with how cutely it was decorated.

How cute of him..

You smiled to yourself before stopping yourself when your brain processed what the note really said.

Mikey just confessed his feelings , and he was in front of you.

He was waiting for your answer, what the hell were you supposed to say.

At least no one was watching, he had the curtsey to do this in private.

You still didn’t want to hurt his feelings “I..Im sorry.. I just..”

“It’s okay for you to say no L/N.” oh, your lastname? You’re heart dropped again.

You liked Mikey, loved even. But.. he was a guy, these had to be just friendly feelings.

“I.. I just don’t know how you feel about dating a dude..” your tone sounded a bit shaky, as if nervous to admit this. It’s not like you were completely against the idea of gay people, you didn’t care if one of your friends or someone around you were gay. You just thought the idea of you being gay was gross, because that wasn’t you.

“Well do you like me?” Mikey said bluntly

“Yeah, I mean.. I guess I do, but that doesn’t mean we can date we’re both guys..”

“Give me one chance, please Y/N.” Mikey did look a bit disappointed, not mad. Not sad.

You didn’t know what to say, “I can’t, even if I did my parents wouldn’t allow me.” Mikey put his hands on your shoulders

Was your heart beating this fast because he was so close? or because the leader of Toman was grabbing onto him.

“Please Y/N, we both like each other.”

After one final Denial Mikey left you alone, at least for the time being.

That whole situation didn’t stop him from sending you flowers and gifts after school and leaving you sweet notes during school.

No not at all.

He made sure to write his name in big bold letters on every gift or card, he needed you to know it was from him.

The feeling inside of you couldn’t deny how much you loved the gifts, how much you wanted to be with Mikey.

You had been avoiding him and his friends.

Mikey had sent you multiple messages practically begging.

If you weren’t so in love, you’d call this pathetic.

Finally coming to terms that you like him you were the one to message him this time, even if you never really gave a reply to his countless messages.

You asked him to meet you, quickly getting last second regrets whenever you thought about it.

It was too late now.

“Y/N!” Mikey said in a cheery tone, this being the only real interaction he’s had with you for almost a month now.

“Mikey.. I wanted to tell you something.” You became a mess again, why the hell were you all flustered? Just spit it out.

“If you want me to leave you alone I’ll stop.” he said in that same blunt tone, again.. but this time it was neutral and more understanding.

Mikey was ready to accept the rejection.

“No! No! I—“ why were the words so chocked up on your throat? ugh.. you were more annoyed with yourself than anyone else.

“I like you too.”

[broken-glass-puppet]

Helloooooooooooo, how are you doing today? (Btw love your blog ^^ It's amazing!)

Saw that you write about South Park and just really wanted to request 👏👏👏

How about the main four with a taller male reader who looks intimidating (and attractive), but is actually nice? But tho he can fight and ain't afraid to throw hands. He is a sporty guy who is into boxing. He is affectionate and caring, and he has a grunge style. ^^ (romantic)

Hope It's not too much!  😭

OMG YES, also thanks for the compliments, i appreciate it a lot

Im to lazy to write about separate

Headcanons

Kenny: orange

Stan:blue

Kyle: green

Eric:red

The main four

(TW: violence, mentioned sex, blood, homophobia)

Let's say they didn't like you too much at first, I mean yeah you look fine and you turn Heads when you walk but you look like a bully

Well that changed when you were in class, at some point Stan was having problems understanding the work so you asked if you could help him out

"find the x? The fuck? Is right there" "hey dude, you need help ?" You said in a sweet tone of voice, leaning in to see his eyes "...y-yeah sure"

The mother fucker wouldn't stop thinking about you the rest of school

"what's your problem dude, are you gay or some shit?" "You are gay too, c'mon we all know how you check out his butt during PE" "THAT'S NOT FUCKING TRUE!"

Well the most normal two are Kyle and Stan, they do get nervous and all but hey you are nice

Cartman is well...

"i identify as a horse now guys" "wtf Cartman, that's not how it works" "yo guys what are you talking about?" "Cartman identify as a horse" "what?" "Stupid right" "then I just have something to say" you took a moment "yehaw!" Hehe joke

The three are like: 🧍‍♂️

And Cartman is like: 🚶

So yeah a lots of flirting, specially with Kenny

He's the most obvious, he doesn't even try to hide it

And damn you are muscular, no you don't look like a Jojo but you have abs, a little waist and strong arms

"why you as a man have such a little waist? For us men to grab? Are you gay?" "And you as a man why do you have a mouth? To suck dick? Whore" "ew guys, go to a motel or something "

And after some days you start to get a long with them very well

You help them out when they need and you hang out with them a lot but at some point they development a crush on you

Let's say, they fell first and you fell harder

And the moment you started dating them was funny

Some idiot was making fun of Kenny and he was like "okay idgaf"

But you where super angry

"hey, stop bullying my boyfriend or else" "ow what are you going to do huh? You are just a fag, I'm Soo scared" "oh you want to see?" "Of course" and the moment after the idiot in question fell onto the floor with a bloody nose and one his friends punch you in the face leaving you with wounds but you managed to beat him up "who's the next one" silent "i figured out, c'mon Kenny, let's go"

When you get to your home, Kenny called the others and they came super fast

"WHAT WHERE YOU THINKING" yelled Kyle while healing your wounds "i don't know they just...maked me fell angry...and they were insulting Kenny and..." "Y/n i don't give a shit about what were they saying" "i know but...i don't want nobody to hurt you, or you four for that matter" "you called me your boyfriend" "i did?" "Yeah, and I don't mind it, I'm okay but I'm going to be your boyfriend fr" "heh okay " "..." "We all can be boyfriends?" "I'm not gay" "you are" "just for y/n" "then we are boyfriends"

It's a strange relationship, nothing changed to much, you still have that relationship like bros but the physical touch increase a lot, holding hands with them or just little pecks on the check

Kenny is more flirty, grabbing your butt and saying that he didn't do anything or just shoving his head onto your chest and mumbling how he loves your man boobs

And we'll yeah, Cartman is less of a dick but he sure loves you in a strange way

And Stan and Kyle they love you so much

Kenny's parents hate you, they are super homophobic (i hate his parents omg) so when he introduced you to them, they yelled at him, you just looked at them with a death glear and walked away from them

Cuddles ALL.THE.TIME GOD

[steviesbicrisis]

part 1

[TW: internalized homophobia | compulsory heterosexuality]

Eddie doesn't want to have a problem with Steve.

Steve is great, he's one of his best friends, contrary to all predictions, he enjoys his company, he feels at ease around him, and he knows he can always count on him.

He really doesn't want to have a problem with Steve.

When he had come out to him, a few weeks ago, Steve looked so scared and worried about his reaction. Eddie had reassured him immediately that nothing was going to change and he meant it. He hated the look on Steve's face, the idea that he didn't know if he could trust him.

Of course, Eddie was surprised. Never in a million years he would have thought of Steve as a gay - actually, bisexual - person. But other than surprise, Eddie desperately wanted to be cool with it, to be there for Steve.

It wasn't as easy as he thought.

Slowly, Steve begins to be more open about it - as much as a small town in Indiana could let him: he talks about it with Robin, sometimes with Eddie; he comes out to other people, like Dustin, Nancy and Jonathan; he ventures gay bars outside of Hawkins, he tests the waters until he's comfortable enough to actually make a move on someone.

Eddie feels bad every second of it. For every little milestone in Steve's journey, Eddie has an ugly rancid feeling at the bottom of his stomach. "I kissed a guy last night", Eddie wants to puke.

"There was this hot dude, we got out for a smoke and then-", Eddie stops listening because he knows he's close to snapping.

"I told Dustin, you wouldn't believe how cool he was with it!", Eddie feels bad, wishing he was a better friend.

Eddie tries to overcome these emotions, he really does. But sometimes he would make a face, say the wrong thing, huff or roll his eyes and Steve would notice every time.

The last straw for both of them comes on an ordinary Thursday evening. Steve is beaming and sighing as he looks out of the family video door, until Eddie has to ask what is going on.

«I have a date, a guy asked me out last night. Like, a proper date!»

«Wow Harrington, I didn’t know you gave up on women entirely» it is supposed to be a joke, but comes out bitter.

They fight. Steve can’t take any more of the snarky comments and the bad looks and Eddie knows that he’s right, but also he’s doing his best, he just needs time.

Steve tells him it’s better if they stop hanging out for a while and Eddie protests, but he can’t do more when Steve tells him «if you can look at me in the eyes and tell me you don’t have a problem with me, then I can go past this and pretend it never happened.»

He tries but Eddie can’t do it, he can't lie to him. Steve’s face falls and Eddie gets out of the store being mad at everything but mostly at himself.

—

No one says it, but it looks like a breakup. Their friends pick up sides: Robin refuses to talk to him, Nancy and Jonathan are disappointed in him but still hang out with him when Steve isn't around, Dustin doesn’t know what happened but calls him a dick for good measure.

Eddie doesn’t complain, he knows what he deserves.

The only person who's still happy to talk to him is Chrissy. After their disastrous first date -Eddie will never ask Robin for movie advice ever again, a musical about pirates with reincarnations and lightsabers, what was she thinking?- somehow she was still happy to keep dating Eddie.

Eddie likes her, she’s nice, pretty and she isn’t as clingy as other girls Eddie dated before. They mostly talk and do stuff together, sometimes they make out but nothing more, Eddie likes it better that way.

They’re going back to his van after dinner when Eddie spots Steve in his own car, with a guy. Steve is laughing at something the guy says and then they’re kissing.

Eddie doesn’t know where the rage inside of him comes from, but he needs to leave. He realizes too late that Chrissy saw them as well. The rage turns into fear.

«Chrissy, don’t tell anyone what you saw, please» he pleads, worried about Steve.

She takes a look at Eddie’s face, then back at Steve. A thought crosses her mind.

«Uhm yeah, sure… can we go back to your place?»

Eddie is nervous for the whole ride. Half of him is worried about Chrissy saying something about Steve around, the other fears that she plans to have sex with him tonight.

Eddie opens the door for her and follows her inside, nervously.

She asks for a drink but she doesn’t step any closer to Eddie which makes him relax a little.

Actually, she sits at the opposite end of Eddie’s couch and only after they had a good amount of alcohol in their system, she faces Eddie.

She comes a little closer to him, and he feels nervous again. She seems nervous too so he completely misunderstands the situation.

«I don’t wanna have sex tonight!» he blurts out, surprising the both of them. She stares at him for a second before chuckling.

«Eddie, relax» she smiles reassuringly «this is not about us- I mean, also us but- I wanna talk about Steve.»

Eddie looks at her, completely thrown aback by her request. She knew that they had a fight but she didn't know about what, obviously, so she probably connected the dots after what she saw and his reaction.

He tells her about everything, the words come out easily and she is a great listener, mostly nodding from time to time. By the end of it, she looks determined.

«So, I get you wanna get over these ugly feelings because Steve is your friend, right? I think I can help. Drink more» she lends him another beer from the coffee table «and bare with me, okay?»

«First of all, let's talk about gay people. Does it bother you if you see two guys together?»

«Well no, not really» he answers, after giving it some thought.

«So this is about Steve» she concludes for him «it bothers you thinking of him with a guy?»

He doesn't want to admit it, but he also trusts Chrissy «yeah, it does...»

«And, does it bother you thinking of him with a girl?»

«What does that have to do with-» Chrissy interrupts him «just answer the question. If he got a girlfriend, someone that he really liked, would that bother you?»

Eddie gives it some thought. He had seen Steve dating girls before, but all of his dates turned into a disaster. It was something he expected, he had noticed and made that comment about him dating nerds.

What if he found another girl like Nancy? or someone like Robin who liked him back?

Horrified, Eddie realizes he doesn’t like the sound of that either.

«Oh shit.»

AN: the final part is almost done, I thought it would be better to split it and not make you wait too long after the first part, I hope it’s okay! Thank you for the support on the first part, really! If everything goes well I'm posting the last part tomorrow.

If you’re curious, Robin made Eddie rent The pirate movie, please google it if you have time. It’s so bad. Robin is a great friend to Steve, not so much to Eddie.

Part 3

----

Tag list: @funnymagicman-named-dandy @manda-panda-monium

[symbioticsimplicity]

As much as I like the idea of Steve and Eddie immediately being comfortable around each other, I also really want it to be a progression.

Give me Steve who isn’t used to a lot of physical contact, even though he desperately wants it. He isn't used to just getting what he wants from people anymore. Especially things he wants bone deep. He kind of associates people giving him what he wants with being an asshole which he's trying hard not to be so it loops back around to him being afraid to get what he wants.

Not to mention the very real possibility of internalized homophobia. While Robin and Will being queer is absolutely fine with him, being queer himself is a different beast altogether. He can suspend biases for his friends because they're wonderful and he loves them to the moon and back. But whenever he thinks about how much he wants to play with Eddie's hair or how happy he feels when Eddie calls him by one of his nicknames for him, a voice that sounds suspiciously like Richard Harrington tears him apart over it.

In Eddie's case, he doesn't fully believe that Steve would want any of his usual affection. There's way better people than him that Steve could get that from.

He was mainly invading his space to try to get a reaction out of him before he realized he's actually a good dude. He lays off out of respect, but he hates it. He's always been physical with his friends, and he's come to like Steve a lot. But he sees a divide between them, a social one, despite being out of school. He doesn't want to be the one to drag such a pretty boy down into the muck of his life by being overly familiar with him.

This little dance could go on for months before one of them breaks.

I'd like to think its Steve who asks to be held. Like maybe he's just having a shit day and he's too tired to care about all the reasons he usually doesn't do this. His body aches in that way he knows is from not having had someone touch him in more than passing in a while, and Eddie is right there.

So he breaks down and asks if Eddie would be okay with hugging him.

He sounds miserable and Eddie has never had anyone ask if he's okay with giving them something as simple as a hug. He's not really used to people asking if he's alright with much of anything.

Of course he agrees and pulls Steve in for a lingering hug.

Its clear he isn't used to it, he's so tense and he's not really sure where to put his hands, so Eddie directs him what to do. It takes a few moments but Steve starts to relax more.

So Eddie rubs his back, pets his hair, lets him lean into him more. Its like trying to tame down a hurt dog, and he's sure Steve will bolt if he makes one wrong move. He wants to suggest they lay down, but thinks cuddling might be a little too advanced for now.

So he just holds Steve like that, and when they break away, he hesitates but chooses to be brave and tells him he can ask him for that any time he needs.

It takes a while, Steve has learned to subsist on minimal contact the way camels subsist on minimal water, but he does ask again.

And again.

And again.

Its gradual, but they both begin to gravitate toward one another. Steve no longer gently elbows Eddie away if he gets too close. And Eddie figures out where Steve is alright with being touched and in what settings. He's damn proud of himself for the nuance in that last part.

A few months into this new dynamic sees Steve initiating touches too. He gets incredibly nervous the first time, but Eddie seems happy with it so he doesn't stop himself from doing it again.

Soon they’ve hit the point of nearly always touching somehow. If they're in the same room they're sitting side by side. Steve plays with Eddie's rings almost as much as Eddie does. Eddie's legs belong in Steve's lap and vice versa. Steve is sure if he goes a full day without hugging Eddie he will in fact wither and die.

It doesn't take long after that for them to realize they’ve caught feelings. It does however take an age to talk about. Neither wants to ruin what they have, its so good and it took so much time and work to build. They work as friends and that should be plenty.

It isn't.

This time its Eddie who breaks.

Its during one of the nights Steve has stayed at his place long after sundown. The man is laying on Eddie's chest, legs interwoven, half asleep and watching TV. He's the portrait of comfort and when Eddie cards his hand through his hair, Steve makes this little content noise and it just slips out.

Three little words that make time stand still.

He knows Steve heard him, he felt him tense up. He wants to take it back just for that, but he's long since learned his lesson about being a coward. So he lays still and let's Steve process.

Steve who's mind is on fire right now.

He's sure Eddie couldn't have really meant that the way he wants him to. Its just wishful thinking projected onto platonic affection. Robin tells him she loves him all the time. But Eddie is still rubbing his back and he's gonna lose it trying to figure this out by himself.

So he asks, and they talk and they learn they're both kind of idiots.

They agree to give dating a try.

Its quickly apparent that's what they were meant to be doing all along. At this point it comes easily, naturally even.

Up until their first kiss.

Its not that they don't want to kiss, they definitely do, its that Eddie's never done it before and Steve has never kissed a guy.

Just like everything else, it takes some work to get right. The first time Steve had flinched a little when Eddie's stubble had grazed him, and the second time Eddie got a little overzealous with his tongue.

It takes practice, but they’re willing to put in the work.

Soon they share the kind of kisses that are easy to get lost in. They once spent the better part of a Saturday afternoon just kissing, with Steve sat comfortably in Eddie's lap.

Eventually they build up to more and that's when their patience and the lessons they've learned about each other up until this point really get put to the test.

Once again, Eddie doesn’t have any experience in this arena. He’d had daydreams a plenty, but he’s never actually touched another person intimately before. Steve has, but only girls and only so far. He thinks some things ought to carry over, but when they get to the part that involves stripping off clothes, he panics a little.

The first time they don’t make it very far. They want to, more than almost anything, but their joint fumbling wrecks the mood pretty quickly. They get as far as their boxers before they both concede and let themselves head back to their comfort zone, which is long makeouts. It makes the tension that much thicker.

For a while they focus on getting comfortable with one another in that sense. There’s a lot more times when one of them loses a shirt during a makeout session, more often than not the victim of roaming hands and needy fingers. They map each other out the same way they’ve been doing for months now, until the other doesn’t feel like foreign territory anymore. It helps put them both at ease, but it also makes them both so much needier.

When they finally do end up going all the way, they cling to each other for hours after. Now that they’ve been as close as they can be, it’s difficult to handle being apart. Eddie traces the various moles Steve has, while Steve does the same with Eddie’s tattoos. It’s sappy, and neither of them would give up those details under pain of death, but they tell each other how much it means to be able to be so close to someone else without being afraid. Eddie confides in Steve about how hard it is to be so far ostracized and how sometimes he wishes he were different just so he didn’t have to feel that way. Steve tells Eddie about growing up in a big empty house and how he sometimes feels like he’s just the ghost of an idea his parents had about what he should be.

They agree that so long as the other is breathing, they’ll always have someone who will hold them and remind them that they both have value.  

[ellisgirlfriend]

my only one

dealer!ellie x reader

summary: loneliness always scared her, always made her cry at night when the moon was shining bright. She needed a change, someone who can fill her loneliness, lucky for her.. you were there.

cw: swearing, homophobia, the d slur, ellie being an emotional mess, mentions of drugs and alcohol

wc: 3.653

It really did become a habit of hers, writing her deepest thoughts in that messy diary, she only hoped no one would open it because, to be honest, she couldn’t even remember what she wrote in the past. That thought made her shiver from her cringy past self and the drunken nights she had crying in her empty bed.

Out of nowhere, the empty room was welcomed by a warm presence, Ellie looked up, still confused to her surroundings until she had received a soft smile from the girl. She felt a bit embarrassed, being caught like this, writing in that stupid diary of hers like an eleven year old. Trying to change the atmosphere, Ellie began to speak in a quiet voice:

“hello to you too, smartass. Don’t know how to knock?”

She wasn’t in the mood for any more conversations, she really wasn’t trying to be rude to her roommate , really, but after a long day surrounded only by frat boys, begging her for free weed every 5 minutes, it was really getting to her.

“Hmm, didn’t mean to, just wanted to check up on you.” her roommate said in a more serious tone, waiting for Ellie to respond while moving slowly around her room, admiring her drawings that hung on her dirty walls. She began to shift uncomfortably, this girl wasn’t just a random roommate that she luckily was assigned with, she was her dearest friend and unfortunately for her, she could read Ellie like an open book.

“Uh…”

Ellie said in a small voice, tired from being asked the same questions all over again, she was okay, at least she hoped so. She didn’t want to cause any problems with her stupid feelings that haunt her every night, her roommate looked at her from the corner of her eye, analyzing her every move while trying to get closer to the fragile girl sitting in the broken chair.

“Hey, seriously Ellie, talk to me for fuck's sake. I’m done seeing you like this.”

“Like what, Dina?” she finally raised her voice, making Dina twitch.

“Don’t play dumb, you always sit in your room, you don't even talk to me anymore!" Dina sighed, looking anywhere but in Ellie’s eyes, feeling embarrassed for being so emotional.

“At least…tell me what’s going on, please.”

Ellie looked at Dina, feeling even more embarrassed by now, she was so dramatic for no reason it made her slightly sick to her stomach.

“I'm just tired y’know, doing the same thing all over again. I…just feel lonely, I suppose.” she was trying to look somewhere else while pouring her heart out the best she could, Dina looked at her with warm eyes, trying to understand her. After a while, Ellie finally looked in Dina’s eyes, trying to apologize with her gaze, Dina stopped her with a soft smile. “You know, feelings are hard, it’s not unusual to feel like this, Ellie.” Dina touched her long, slender fingers and sighed deeply, “I know that after the…Cat situation…” she stopped, looking at Ellie trying to get an approval from her eyes, Ellie slightly smiled. “..after the Cat situation, every romantic relationship became hard for you to deal with but, Ellie, you deserve way better than that girl.”

After a while of Dina comforting Ellie, she finally convinced her to install some cheap-looking dating app. It was a start, I guess? Since Ellie didn’t really have the energy to go out other than to sell weed to gross looking dudes. It took her a while to choose a decent photo of her without Cat in it, it made her tremble, remembering the sweet moments she shared with the short haired girl but ignored it, finishing her profile. It looked good enough, she thought. Her profile was very simple, to say the least, with only two photos and a short bio with her age and location. She really didn’t have high hopes and to be honest, she didn’t even want to do it that much. But she knew Dina will nag her about using the app, trying to make her feel better. Ellie smiled thinking about this, she really appreciated Dina for being such a good friend.

Out of nowhere, her phone softly vibrates in her hands, looking up, Ellie sees the notification, someone was trying to send her a message. Man…this wasn’t good, her hands were already sweating, it was hard talking to a new person, with the romantic intentions in mind…it’s been so long for her. She tried to calm down and with a single tap, the app opened, greeting her with a simple “hey:)”. Such a simple yet hard message to answer to. Ellie tried to be smooth about it, putting on a flirty act, it was a common thing, trying to impress the pretty girls with her fake confidence. It made her feel good about herself, almost making her forget about how insecure she is when it comes to relationships.

“hey pretty.”

You clenched the phone in your hands, this was nerve-racking, such a beautiful girl calling you pretty had you on your knees already. It was a stupid idea to install this app, you thought, but you couldn’t even flirt with a girl without fainting afterwards. It was a dramatic thing to say, but you weren’t joking, not even a little bit, the main reason being that you are not…out yet, and it scared the shit out of you so talking, maybe flirting with such a girl made you feel weird, to say the least.

“i just wanted to talk, so I messaged you!” so cheesy, you thought

Ellie smiled, feeling a bit more confident with herself, you were a shy one, but that still didn’t make Ellie completely nonchalant, before answering she checked your profile and that scared her even more now, you were just breathtaking. Your hair looked so soft, your lips were so...kissable. She shook her head, trying to control her stupid hormones, she was weak to pretty girls, that’s why she was scared to start a new relationship, a new something. It was dangerous territory for her, from getting hurt like the last time. After a minute, she exited from your profile, she didn’t really want to keep you waiting so she tried to type a message fast without even thinking, that’s how her flirting worked. It was a weird feeling, almost adrenaline, from being so blunt without thinking, it made her feel dizzy.

“i feel the same.", she typed. A very short but meaningful message to make you feel even shyer, it made her smile a bit. It was obvious you were trying to type something but stopping right after, it was almost adorable.

After talking for a while, the conversation started to become comfortable, it felt like you and Ellie were meant to talk to each other, it was cheesy since it’s the first day, but you couldn’t blame yourself, you were a hopeless romantic and the fact that you were talking to such a gorgeous girl did not help the situation at all.

In two weeks, Ellie found out a lot about you, you were on the same campus. When she found out about this, an unknown feeling began to haunt her. Don't get her wrong, she was excited to perhaps, see you around campus but at the same time she was too nervous to face you. Everything was going too smoothly, she was so comfortable talking to you but…only though text at the moment. It's been so long since she was last romantically interested in someone and, man…she was so scared, she didn’t want to get hurt again, her heart wasn’t even healed from the past experience. She wasn’t trying to be rude, but her mind always went to the worst-case scenarios. You were such a sweet girl, she knew deep down that you won’t do something like that to her but still, the deep fear in her was there, haunting her to this day.

At the same time, she didn’t want to disappoint you, it was clearly easier to type something while pretending to be really confident but Ellie knew that in real life she would stutter like a bitch. In the past it would have been a lot better for Ellie, but after such a recent and messy break up, she couldn’t be so chill about it, unfortunately. She even tried to explain her situation to you, not in great detail, though, she wasn’t ready to vent her whole life to you but just enough to make sure you know who you're dealing with. When I tell you, she was so relieved when she saw your sweet message, trying to comfort her from the break up but also giving her enough space, it just made her heart melt. Her brain was sending mixed signals everytime she talked to you, it was frustrating, this feeling of being scared but also…not wanting to leave, she was careful, she didn’t want to make a mistake that could impact your...friendship, if you can call it that. She wanted to take it easy and just experience this new type of feeling, but it made her feel dizzy, it was hard just to talk to you and not feel anything, she didn’t want to rush into things and get hurt again, or even hurt you. It haunted her day and night, but my god, she was starting to like you to another level, writing in her diary about your likes, dislikes and even fun silly facts about you that you probably forgot about, every little thing about you filled her mind and she was so obsessed with it. She even wrote about places that you would like to go to, her mind making up scenarios where you two would meet, forgetting about how scared she was to even meet eyes with you. But it was a beautiful feeling, it made her feel happy to imagine all these things with you, she really hoped one day she could just go to you.

One thing about you that she would keep her mind fixed on is that you love history, always talking about it, she was confused at first, still is but nevertheless she was listening to every word you said about your major and small facts. It was such a boring subject for Ellie, especially because of the teacher, she purposely avoided that class with her whole soul, probably not passing the class but listening to you made her want to attend that stupid class. You made the subject so interesting, you made her focus on it easily, even in messages, she even began to be into this thing, searching in her free time about it, trying to impress you like a lost puppy.

A month has passed and everything was going great, Ellie was a different person, the effect you had on her was magical, even Dina was surprised that app changed her best friend so drastically, she couldn’t ask for more. She was more than happy to see Ellie back on her feet, that break up seriously ruined her and Dina couldn’t even look at Ellie without feeling bad, she really hated it, seeing her curled up in her bed ignoring everyone around her, not even attending to favorite her classes, Dina just wanted to go and hug her.

It was late at night, Dina was still thinking about the situation, patting her shoulder for being such a good friend while Ellie was moving room to room. That woke Dina from her thoughts, watching Ellie getting ready to go somewhere, it was pretty obvious she was going to some frat boys party to sell some weed since she was low on money, after that breakup she was less and less active with her weed 'business' or whatever, but at the same time, Dina was confused to see her such in a hurry, trying so many outfits, let’s say that it peaked her interest.

“Going somewhere?” Dina said, trying to hide her small smirk, Ellie turned her head to her, her eyes clearly showing nervousness, it was a bit too obvious. “Ah, just going to some party, y’know.” She tried to change her tone to seem a bit more calmer but her insides were burning, she couldn’t wait not even a bit longer, Dina looked at her, putting her whole attention on her which made Ellie shift uncomfortably, “You know you can’t lie to me, it’s all over your face.” Dina said.

“Oh whatever…” Ellie complained in an exaggerated voice, making Dina smile even harder at Ellie’s reaction. Ellie took a deep breath before finishing her sentence, “if you are that interested, I’ll go to that stupid party but…I think I’ll see her there”. Of course, it was so easy to guess, it’s been so long since Dina saw Ellie so interested in the way she looked, it was comforting to her. Ellie became Ellie again, she stood up from the comfy couch, approaching Ellie with a big smirk while she was making a disappointed face. She was telling Dina “don't you dare” with her eyes, while Dina already began to talk about all these stupid flirty scenarios that would happen tonight, it made Ellie flustered, her imagination going wild, betraying her but she still managed to keep a serious face, pushing Dina slightly, ready to leave this room before Dina began to tease her even more, plus...she couldn’t wait anymore. Her heart was beating too hard, she couldn’t ignore it anymore, she had to leave already, to see you for the first time. She didn’t know if she was ready, it’s been quite some time but still…the feeling of nervousness never left her body but at the same the excitement was growing with each second.

After a long walk, she was more relaxed, the cool air calming her warm heart. Unfortunately, she was welcomed with a strong smell of alcohol and she already wanted to leave this place and take you to that restaurant you always talked about. She was angry with herself for wanting to meet you here for the first time, in a place like this, but she needed that stupid money very fast, it was getting ridiculous at this point. Before even getting to finish her inner monologue, a group of people greeted her, already knowing who she is from her appearance. She took a deep breath before walking up to them.

Struggling to put the damn dress on, you almost gave up but after some time it finally reached your hips, you looked in the mirror, admiring yourself, trying to look extra fancy just for this mini date you planned with Ellie. You were so nervous, you didn’t even realize how late you were, there wasn’t a specific time planned but you still wanted to be there earlier just to finally see her soft features in real life, it made your heart skip a beat. Finally, you grabbed your purse and ignored your feelings for the time being, the cool air hitting your face.

Ellie was already on a couch, a bottle of alcohol in her hand, she was obviously nervous because she couldn’t see you in the big crowd. It wasn’t an official date or something but it still made her worried about your well being, she really thought you would come. Sighing, she gets closer to the girl sitting next to her on the couch. The overwhelming feeling in her stomach made her overly sensitive, especially after the whole break up situation, she really wanted to see you, it was obviously your choice if you wanted to come but still…she was feeling a bit dizzy. She didn’t know if it was the alcohol or the emotions, but she could feel your presence next to her. Ellie looked at the girl, feeling butterflies in her stomach thinking that maybe this would be the person she had been waiting for, when her eyes met with an unknown face, she sighed, trying not to make it obvious that she didn't enjoy her company anymore. She still talked to her, maybe she just wanted some joints or whatever, and she did but at the same time she was a bit too flirty with Ellie. The alcohol was making her even dizzier, she couldn’t even focus on this girl, so out of instinct she flirted back, maybe that was the alcohol or maybe the desperation you made her feel and the disappointment of you not showing up. She gave a smile to the small girl, giving her a discount, 'just for pretty girls' she said, cringing at her own words but still going with it.

The girl was ready to talk more with Ellie, but out of nowhere, a feminine voice which sounded forced covered the other girl’s. Ellie could feel a strange presence close to her, making her feel uncomfortable, she tried to move her eyes to scan the area where the voice came from, but the other person was faster, touching her hands so tenderly, it made her blush. She looked up, hoping that maybe it’s you, finally meeting you, but unfortunately, she was met with an unknown face, she looked confused at the other person, raising an eyebrow but the other person didn’t even flinch, it made Ellie frustrated but at the same time angry, who is this person?

“Can I help you?” She said in a deep voice, trying to show some confidence but the other person slowly began to speak, “Hello,my dear Ellie. I’m so glad we finally met." the person said in a high pitched voice, trying to sound different, she was beyond confused, maybe the alcohol was making her see things, she didn’t think so though, before getting a chance to speak the other person did it first “Don't you remember me? We were supposed to meet!” 'What', that was Ellie’s first thought so she just asked without even thinking “Who even are you?”. She didn’t want to sound pissed but let’s be honest, she clearly was, this person was mocking her and she couldn’t figure it out. “The fuck do you mean you don’t know bitch.” the person raised their voice, “I’m the girl you’ve talking to, duh.”

Ellie couldn’t believe her eyes, she looked at the person in front of her, this wasn’t right, at all. She began to scream “YOU’RE CLEARLY A MAN BRUH.” She couldn’t believe that she fucking got catfished, her blood was boiling through her veins. “I’m not a man, dykey. I’m clearly non-binary, respect my pronouns.” The other person said offensively, almost mocking Ellie’s angry reaction. “Oh, for fuck's sake, shut the fuck up,"She said, “you lied to me all this time, don’t you feel sorry??”

“Not really, and the fuck are you complaining about, I’m kinda cute. Stop with the pussy lover title and get here.” He said “WHAT, ARE YOU FUCKING INSANE GET AWAY” Ellie said in a deep voice trying to maintain the dominant act “At least tell me who the fuck you are so I know who I punch.” She said with her fists already clenched, she couldn’t resist anymore. “Heh, no one can punch me baby. But try your luck..” he smirked, playing with his long hair while he continued the sentence while everyone watched the scene, Ellie was clearly too loud and it caught everyone’s attention. “and I’m Zhongli, nice to meet you, little dykey flower.” Out of nowhere, everyone gasped.

"Is that Zhongli???!! From the hit game Genshin Impact?!” Everyone began to clap, this was unreal, Ellie was fucking confused. 'Zhongli? Who the fuck.' she thought. He had a smirk on his face, almost proud for being so popular, who the fuck is this guy, Ellie was fuming. She threw a punch but the dude looked her with a smile, throwing her on the floor. “You dyke.” He moved closer to her “You don’t punch daddy,my little dykey.” He smirked “Stop the act we know you’re made for cock.” Out of nowhere everyone began to scream “Yes!” Ellie was so confused, why was everyone agreeing with him? She was the infamous dealer in here , the FUCKKK. She gave these people free fucking weed at some point and now they betrayed her like this. “I'M NO COCK LOVER YOU BITCH” Ellie began to scream throwing her hands in the air, Zhongli just laughed at her, “Don’t worry baby, there is cure.” She was ready to spit on him until, suddenly, she could feel that she was flying. Confused by her surroundings, she moved her eyes to analyze, she was somewhere else…

”Huh..?” This was definitely the alcohol and the weed, oh my god. She looked up and saw Zhongli, greeting her with a smile. "Hello dykey poo, we are in Genshin Impact, Liyue, more specifically. Do you know the game?”

“No bruh I just fuck pussy and I play Butterfly Soup” she began to get angry, enough is enough. He kidnapped her , taking her in this game called Genshin Impact…? She was beyond furious. “Heh, ridiculous indie game, should have known from a stinky yuri like you.” What the fuck is he talking about . Zhongli finally dropped the bomb, “just imagine ima girl bruh. Not that hard.”

“Damn ok” Ellie said ready to kiss this mf

Sllorp

“Wow, you kiss better than my bitches”

“Told you dyke.”

Slurp

“I love you mommy…!” Ellie said, changing her mind

“Yes my baby dyke, love you too, dyke dick 😅”

“This is amazing, thank you for changing my life Zhongli, let’s stay here forever.”

“We will babe, no more break ups for you.”

Slorp she kissed him

“Thank you mommy, you’re the best women.”

“Of course el” he smiled

“Let’s be in here forever and make babies.”

“I love babys!” Ellie said

“Aw! How many do you want babe?”

“Hmm maybe three!!”

“Three sound good love” he smiles

author’s note: yep

[gristlebloom-orchid]

Rating Flesh statement givers

Keiran Woodward 15/20 he's chill, like him Lee Rentoul 16/20 Sick fuck, I like the energy (minus one because he was mean to Angela and Angela is neat) Sebastian Adekoya 20/20 MY BELOVED SEBASTIAN PLEASE BE IN TMP I WANT YOU TO BE THERE SO BADLY Christof Rudenko 1/20 I would give you a zero by how much of an asshole you are but your name rolls off the tongue nicely. Be happy you have 1. David Laylow 18/20 You're great, love your view on life, I like you very much, hope you recover well from your encounter dude Gregory Pryor 14/20 Yes, but why you gotta describe poor Hector like that Mrs.Carlisle 19.5/20 I need to know your name PLEASE YOU'RE SO BADASS (minus 0.5 is for lack of a first name Jonny give us the name of Mrs.Carlisle I need to know) Craig "Greg Goodball" Goodall 16/20 Craig "I didn't want my last thought on Earth to be lowkey racist" Goodall (this line fucking killed me)(and it's ironic.) Ross Davenport 25/20 MY BLORBO YOU NEED SOME THERAPY I'D BE WILLING TO PAY I WANT YOU TO BE HAPPY Dylan Anderson 12/20 Take care of your pigs well, love them, please. Kind of forgettable tho, not the statement, just you Mikaele Salesa 13/20 JONNY STOP WITH THE MICHEALS how do you even write his name (also I used to think he was a girl) Lucia Wright 15/20 girl you recorded a statement about meat on my birthday/pos ALSO GNOSTISM??? THAT'S FUCKING INTERESTING Jared Hopworth x2 19/20 Dude I like you but WHY DID YOU KILL YOUR BEST FRIEND if you denied your internalized homophobia you could've dated also you have 7 hands and that's canon now (Alex said it) also what do you look like for your creator and VA to go NUTS about you Bonus - Reese "Gristlebloom Orchid" [No last name] - 30/20 ANOTHER BLORBO WHY ARE MY BLORBOS DYSPHORIC BODYBUILDERS BUT I LOVE THEM (also ft him getting me a cool user) Bonus - Tyler 19/20 I just think he's meat. I mean neat.

[brazenautomaton]

I should come up with a name for this because I think it's the unifying thread I see between communism, and fascism, and censorship / anti-shippers, and homophobia, and a bunch of other shit. some theory that seeks to unify all that really should have an elegant name, shouldn't it? but it doesn't

rambly

I've said that it's impossible to deplatform fascism or communism because their ideas are so fucking childishly simple they can be independently re-derived by anyone who is upset at the world. "I'm upset. This is the fault of someone, who hates me and did it on purpose. Oh, I hate that guy so much. He does all the bad things, and if I kill him, there will be no more bad things." and that's why nobody's able to give a coherent definition of fascism, because you can't peg "emotional immaturity and righteous ignorance" to any specific teaching, you can't keep the concept of being emotionally immature and blaming others secret.

but despite the basis of these ideologies being so simple they don't need language, communism and fascism didn't exist until after the industrial revolution. what i think happened is, there's a personality trait people have that can expand immensely, that wasn't able to expand until the railroad and telegraph shrunk the world.

and that thing I wish I had a good name for is "the belief or assumption that a person's immediate environment includes everything they're aware of."

I think it's a thing people noticed but haven't identified as the causative factor, they just use it as an insult. but people want to be in control of their environment. they want things they don't like to not be there. the ability to control and affect our immediate environment is the basic definition of agency. if it's your house, it's your rules. that's reasonable!

but with the antis, and the homophobes, and the commies, and the fascists, they clearly behave as though their "house" encompasses everything that they are aware of.

the easiest example is the early 2000s homophobia where the refrain was "do what you want in private but don't get in my face about it," used to justify fucking with people who were in nobody's face. back then we all said "that's an agentically laid lie to justify their real opinion!" and guess what with an uncoordinated group of people it's never an agentically concocted lie. they did act only to get the gays out of their faces, but their "faces" encompassed everything they know about. gay dudes are gross, gross things make them upset, the only way to not be upset is to know there's no gay dudes being gross everywhere! and this mindset is something that only happened with the telegraph because before that, the area of your awareness wasn't that big! (the exception is probably Muslims in the Holy Land)

communism and fascism are both the assumption that everything you're aware of is right in your face, it's simple, it can and should be given to you to just Do Right. you can't have this idea that you have figured out everything wrong with the world until the area of your perception is big enough that you can think you're seeing the world. once your zone of perception is wide enough you instantly believe that all of it is directly your business, everything that upsets you is happening right in your face and you have to use your personal agency to control your environment by making the upsetting things go away.

this is why antis act the way they do. it's not an agentically crafted lie to get power. their behavior is compulsive like all political behavior is compulsive. the idea that someone is Doing A Bigotry somewhere makes them very upset, and it's right in their faces, and they want to make the upsetting thing go away, and the only way to do that is to take control of anywhere the upsetting thing might happen and make it not happen. the only way they know how to do this invariably destroys everything they touch but they cannot stop themselves, they have to take control of every environment so they won't be upset by the thought of people doing bad things. the communists have to take control of all economic activity so they won't be upset by the thought of someone getting rich. the fascists have to take control of every life so they won't be upset by the thought of someone not bowing to their supremacy. this mindset cannot conclude something is none of your business, because if you're aware of it, it's your business.

[lollytea]

One of Hunter's bi awakenings was when he realized he wouldn't stop reading fanfic of Captain O'Bailey x reader (and male! reader if you wanna make it gayer) and he went "wait a minute..."

and I like to think that Willow's bi/pan/omni awakenings was probably being clingy with Luz. "Yeah, I just LOVE having a female friend my age that isn't Amity. She's so cute and cool and funny and pretty and I'd kiss her given the chance-"

I see Hunter as liking girls SO much. Like even as the Golden Guard, a few years before he met Willow, he used to fantasize about himself carrying out heroics and he always just included some pretty girl watching and being very impressed. He never really thought about other genders until a little while later.

Although I also like the idea that he had a baby crush on Steve at some point. That's so funny to me. Steve peaks his interest in other genders, so now he's a little more open to the idea.

There is some big strong violent brooding dude in Rulers Reach and Hunter is into him!!!

Afsvjdbk when Hunter reads Cosmic Frontier, his thoughts on O'Bailey is just like. He's me. I'm him. I think he'd be a very strict canon compliant bitch. O'Bailey has a botanist wife and Hunter is very protective of that relationship and can't deal with his wife being erased in fics. HOWEVER.....fics set before O'Bailey met his wife? Where he travels the galaxy and has a romantic tryst with some alien dude on another planet??? Hi, yes, Hunter is listening. Especially if the alien boyfriend is like. All fanged and furry or scaly or BIG or weird looking. Hunter is into monsters, I know he is.

Tbh I never saw Willow as having a specific awakening but rather it was just something she was always just naturally aware of. I often wonder how the lack of homophobia on the Boiling Isles effects how people come to understand their own sexuality, and I figure it just results in them being a lot more indifferent to it from an early age. Like even before Willow really developed any romantic feelings for anybody, she could easily picture herself marrying a person of any gender. She didn't really have a preference. She still doesn't.

She snuck into the YA romance section of the library with Amity when they were kids and she was enchanted with several characters of various genders. She liked the Prince Charming types. She skimmed through the chapters to get to the part where they take their shirt off. She liked the silly plucky girl heroines with swords.

If you think about it, her fascination with both Luz and Hunter was very similar. Like "WOW what a freak (affectionate) I need to study them." She was down to kiss Luz if she asked but she never really got to the point of seriously falling for her. However studying Hunter under a microscope sent her tumbling down a rabbit hole and now she's completely smitten with him.

[elliesbelle]

nobody compares to you

chapter 2

pairing: ellie x reader

synopsis: you're in your junior year of college and at a party, you run into the girl who broke your heart: ellie williams. despite the time it took to reset your life, will you risk a broken heart again for her?

content warnings: modern college au, cursing, angst, dealer!ellie, mentions of marijuana and alcohol, use of alcohol, sexual speech and content, anxiety attack, brief mentions of homophobia, a little bit of enemies to lovers, minors do not interact

word count: 2k

chapters: one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten, eleven, twelve, thirteen, fourteen

series masterlist

my masterlist

i have a ko-fi if you like my work so much that you feel compelled to tip me ♡︎

the "nobody compares to you" spotify playlist

Ellie walks in, looking behind her first and not at you. You stand frozen in place, contemplating seriously about running quickly into one of the stalls and locking yourself in. After a moment, she finally closes the door quietly and meets your wide eyes.  

You could have sworn you’d stopped breathing right at that moment. Neither one of you say anything to the other. Your mouth feels dry and your head dizzy. This is not at all how you predicted the night would go, and you know that you need to tear your eyes away from hers immediately before you’re back where you were when you’d first met. 

Clearing your throat, you muster enough courage to break eye contact and mumble a “sorry” before making an attempt for the door directly behind her. But before you can take a step, Ellie finally speaks. 

“Hey.” 

This is the first time in who-knows-how-long that she’s spoken to you, the first time that you’d looked at her this close in months. She has both hands tucked into the front pockets of her pants and leans against the bathroom door. Her tongue swipes across her top lip, wiping away what seemed to be something chocolate-y. You notice that the strands of hair that’d fallen out of her half-bun still sat on her cheek. If you were the same person you were over a year ago, you would have instinctively brushed them behind her ear. But you aren’t. 

“Hi.” You reply, meekly. 

“You okay?” 

You fight a grimace. 

“Yup,” You say, beginning to crumple up the paper towel in your hand. 

She scans you up and down, noticing the redness of your eyes. 

“That Adam dude is a dick.” 

Fuck, she did hear. 

You scoff and say, “The fuck do you care, Williams?” 

She frowns, noticing that you’d used her last name instead of her first. 

“Look, I just came in here to check on you ‘cause what that douche said was pretty uncalled for, and I assumed you probably weren’t okay after that.” 

“And as I said, Williams,” You assert, now ripping the paper towel between two fingers. “The fuck do you care?” 

“Hey, I just—” 

“Just what?” You say louder, cutting her off. “You don’t fucking know me anymore. Why do my feelings matter to you all of a sudden?” 

Ellie looks taken aback, not expecting you to get bold. 

“Just because—” She starts, but you cut her off once more. 

“I don’t need to hear anything you have to say. So move the fuck out of my way.” 

Ellie leans off the bathroom door and took a few steps towards you but doesn’t budge, planting her Converse firmly on the floor and standing her ground. 

“We might not be friends anymore, but—” 

“Friends?” You spit. “That’s fucking hilarious, Williams. You’re right. I am not your friend. I am not your girlfriend. And you have no obligation to me.” 

Those last two sentences are like a slap to Ellie’s face. Her eyes widen in recognition and her hands which were previously balled up into fists now lay flat on her side. 

Seeing an opening, you step around her, throw the completely shredded paper towel in the trash can, and wrench the door open to leave. 

The door closes behind you and Ellie doesn’t follow. Instead, you hear a silent “Fuck!” from inside the restroom. You take several deep breaths before proceeding back to your table. 

No one seemed to take notice of your absence except for Dina and Jesse, both eyeing you as you sir down. Eyebrows furrowed and lips pursed, they look at each other and then at you. Dina looks like she wanted to say something, but Jesse places a hand on her arm. 

You give them both a noncommittal smile before looking away, trying to distract yourself from the unpleasant encounter with Ellie a few moments before. 

You notice that the flirty freshman to whom Ellie had lent her jacket sat to the left of Ellie’s empty seat. She’s still wearing Joel’s (Ellie’s) old jacket and keeps glancing towards the direction of the restroom, anticipating the auburn-haired girl’s return. You roll your eyes at this and proceed to take a sip of your hot chocolate. 

Ellie doesn’t return for a while. You’d returned to scrolling aimlessly at your phone and paused for half a second when she’d returned to her seat. You pretend not to take notice of this and swear to yourself not to look her way for the rest of the evening. 

“Everything okay, Ellie?” The freshman girl croons. 

“Yeah. Just needed to take a phone call.” Ellie lies. 

“Oh, okay! I was just worried!” The girl says. 

“All good, babe.” 

You cringe at this comment. You feel disgusted that younger you had swooned when Ellie used to call you “babe.” 

Was it this embarrassing to watch when she’d flirt with me this way? It can’t have been. Did I really fawn over her like this girl is right now? Wait, why am I thinking about this again? 

You then admonish yourself for listening to their conversation. A notification pops up from “D Money 💛” on your phone. Dina. 

Glancing up and across from you, you realize she’s already looking your way. She raises her eyebrows. She has her phone in her hands and her eyes point at your phone. You look down. 

A second text pops up right after. 

You sigh and begin to type. 

Dina replies with just a 😕 and is immediately followed with: 

You take a moment before replying. 

Three text bubbles load for a few moments until she says: 

You reply with a simple “❤️” and put your phone down on the table. 

As the night passed, a few people in your group began to get up from the table, muttering excuses of early Sunday morning plans and leaving cash on the table for their orders. You’d have joined them, but unfortunately for your loyal heart, a few of your friends still lingered and they were unluckily the drunker ones of the group. But fortunately, Frat Guy Adam and Freshman Girl (who told Ellie that she wished she could stay longer and could she possibly give Ellie her jacket back on Monday) had joined those who left. 

To your dismay, Dina and Jesse have the same idea as you to linger as chaperones for the drunkards in the group, which meant Ellie remained behind as well. 

You wander down to the end of the table where your friends Sidney and Rebecca have their heads down, giggling incoherently at each other. You sigh as you grab Sidney by the arm, keeping her steady. Jesse follows you and does the same with Rebecca. 

“Best mom friend of the year.” He chuckles. 

“And they wonder why I don’t go out with them every weekend.” You grimace. 

“Proud of you for making an effort, though.” He smiles. “But are you okay?” 

“Jess—” 

“My friends’ problems are my problems. Just wanna make sure you’re alright, bud. Don’t want you to keep it all in.” 

You chuckle and say, “You sound like Dina.” 

“Hey, she’s one smart lady.” 

You sigh. 

“I told her I’ll talk to her about it later, so I’m sure you’ll hear about it about two seconds after I tell her.” 

He laughs. 

“She never tells anyone but me, don’t worry. And you know I don’t run my mouth.” 

“I know. I trust both of you, it’s okay.” 

His free hand gave you a pat on the back. 

“I know.” 

You smile endearingly at him and he returns it. 

“I’m gonna order an Uber for these two and wait for it outside.” Jesse says. “Do you wanna ride with them or catch one with us?” 

You make a face. 

“Alright, alright,” He chuckles. “I’ll holler when it’s close.” 

“You’re the best, Jess.” 

“Hey, that rhymed.” He says. 

You roll your eyes at his recycled joke. He smiles, then says to Rebecca who was leaning against him, “Let’s go, lush.” 

You chuckle as he walked at half-speed towards the diner’s doors with Rebecca wrapped around one arm. 

Thank god for Jesse. 

It was just you with Sidney draped against you, Dina, and Ellie left. You glance over at the two who were looking over the check that the server had delivered a few minutes before. 

“Assholes,” You hear Ellie say. 

“Just what happens you wanna be the responsible ones.” Dina sighs. 

“Hey, that’s just you and Jesse. I’m just along for the ride.” 

You notice Ellie drinking a cup of hot chocolate. 

Wait, is that mine? 

Glancing over at where Ellie’s seat was, you see an empty cup on a saucer. You then look at where you sat before and see that your cup is now missing. 

“Whatever, Els.” You hear Dina say. “How much is left to pay? Tara, Mike, and Astrid just sent me about five bucks each.” 

Ellie recounts all the cash everyone had left. 

“Uhh, about fifty bucks left.” 

“Fuck. I don’t think I have that much cash on me, and my card—” 

“It’s fine, I got it.” Ellie says, pulling out her wallet and placing six 20-dollar bills down on the table. 

“Ooh, look at all that daddy money, Els.” 

“D, if you don’t shut the fuck up—” 

Dina holds her hands up defensively. 

“Not my fault she used to call you that!” Dina laughs. 

Ellie freezes. 

“What the fuck, Dina!” 

You see pink rising underneath her freckles. Dina snickers in response. 

“I know much more about your ‘friendship’ than you realize.” Dina says, making air quotes upon saying the word “friendship.” 

“What the fuck!” Ellie repeats. 

“Els, you know you’re drinking her hot chocolate, right?” 

Ellie blushes harder and says, “I finished mine and she didn’t want hers. Plus, I don’t want it to go to waste.” 

Of course. She always liked hot chocolate. That was the chocolate she licked off her lips earlier. Wait. Stop thinking about her lips. 

“Yeah, okay.” Dina scoffs. 

“Dude!” 

“Hey, she’s still over there. So if you don’t stop yelling, she’s gonna hear everything you’re saying.” 

You freeze, finally registering that they were talking about you. You’d already thankfully looked away from the pair as you felt both their eyes suddenly on you. Preoccupying yourself with grabbing Sidney’s purse from her seat, you pretend that you didn’t hear everything they’d just said. 

You hear a hissed “Dina!” from Ellie followed by a cackle from Dina. 

“Let’s just go,” Ellie says, stomping away from the table. Ignoring all eye contact with you, she places your now-empty cup on its respective saucer and moves towards the exit. 

Dina chuckles at Ellie’s departing figure before walking towards you. 

“Give me Sid, hot stuff. You look like you’re about to fall over.” 

Ellie and Dina’s conversation left you a little weak in the knees. But convincing yourself that it was just from your blister-covered feet, you hand Sidney off to Dina. 

“Thanks, D.” 

“Anything for you. Let’s go, okay?” Dina says, motioning to the exit. 

“Yeah,” You reply distractedly. 

You glance at the wad of cash Ellie had left on the table, noting the extremely generous tip she’d left. 

Though being a sought-after dealer on campus made her a good deal of money, Ellie was never a materialistic person. She almost never spent spare cash she had on herself, preferring to use it to someone else’s advantage. 

You feel a little teary-eyed thinking about this, knowing that this was the influence of her father, Joel. 

Your gaze then wanders towards where you’d sat before. On the brim of what was your cup is the outline of Ellie’s lips formed with hot chocolate. 

After a beat, you chide yourself for once again thinking about Ellie’s lips before eventually following Dina and making your way towards the diner’s doors.

author's notes:

thank you so much for such amazing feedback so far to chapter 1! i hope that chapter 2 lived up to the brief hype! i'm sorry that it's a little shorter than chapter 1, but trust me that there will be plenty of chapters to come!

likes & reblogs are very much welcome AND encouraged!! and feel free to leave more feedback as well!

taglist: @lonelyfooryouonly