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no-see-um-incorrect · 2 months

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Cinnamon sugar

another BitterSweet Trio poly Fic!!! 🩷🍪🧡 Just in time for Valentine’s Day

Hope you enjoy

No TW this time (unless there’s something I missed then please tell me)

“…Al are you sure about this?” Seth‘s voice was filled with concern as he watches his boyfriend balancing precariously on a step ladder and a few books “almost…got it..HAHA!-WHOW!” Alphonse loses his footing and falls backwards into Seth’s arms much to the smaller man’s irritation “I got it~” Al waves a fairly large, seemingly handmade book in Seth’s face before hopping out of his arms

“holy shit! is that your pops old recipe book?” Al slides into the kitchen and tosses the recipe book on the counter and Seth hops on the stool “hell yeah it is! and I’m lucky my dad made these recipes dumbass proof” “why? He knew how to cook” “HE did. me and my Ma? Nah. Better have home insurance” seth laughed and Alphones fliped the pages. Each page felt sturdy, like they got stronger with age. “He practically drilled them in my head. said “your gonna need to make food for your loved ones one day”” seth smiled down at the book of recipes “....little did he know I’d still be feeding you” Al leant over the counter to kiss his forehead, seth's face turned bright red still not quite used to that….from either of them and i don't think he ever will. “Um i *ahem* why ya getting this stuff out?” al snickers at his reaction “bet he'd have never guessed id have two people to care for~” Al attempts to lean in for a kiss but seth pushes his face away “aw come on! No kiss for ya Boi!?” “you'll get a kiss when you can stay on task” al sighs and continues reading the recipe “french toast bake plus strawberries”

“so you wanna make breakfast as a surprise for sugar?” “I need some help....and you take direction well-OW!” Seth smacks Al’s shoulder then gestures to the book “okok!..there's a list of stuff here. You get that i'll get the bowls and shit”

“And in the oven it goes. see~ i told you we could cook without catching the house on fire” “hold on now theres still time during baking” they both laugh ending in a comfortable silence.

“I'm honestly surprised sugar aint’ up yet” “well that just means we have a little more time..got any ideas?” seth thinks for a moment a devious grin appearing across his face “...yea i got one” Al slides onto the counter in front of seth “oh yea and what's tha-HM” Seth pulls him into a kiss by the collar of his sweater. The kiss lasted a few seconds when seth pulls away “how's that as a kiss for “Ya Boi” sufficient enough?” a few seconds of silence and adoring eye contact before Al speaks up “......Your gay” “THIS is why i don't try” seth attempts to walk away but gets trapped by Al’s legs “Get back here cowboy~” Al wraps his arms around seth's neck “hey~ i love you” “i love you too ya goof” “im serious. Your the cinnamon to my cinnamon sugar toast OH and Boo’s the bread cause they bake And without them…we wouldn't be together” “aw Al….that’s really sweet” they press their foreheads together basking in the soft embrace of each other

“OK who turned off my alarm!”

They both chuckle hearing their partner from the other room “Good morning Boo!” “mornin’ sugar”

I hear sugarboo’s footsteps. Alphonse hops off the counter to avoid getting scolded “oOoO something smells good in here!” “Al got the bright idea to turn your alarm off and wake me up to make breakfast” “well I don’t see the fire extinguisher anywhere, so I’m assuming everything went smoothly” Sugarboo gives them both well-deserved kisses. and sits on the barstool. The timer went off, and Alphonse is very careful taking the dish out of the oven “happy Valentine’s Day Boo!” “holy shit! That looks really fucking good! Whose recipe did you use?!” “my dad’s. he used to keep a book of all of um’ and I wanted to cook some breakfast for my two favorite people” Seth wraps his arm around Alphonse’s waist. Boo smiles with adoration in their eyes looking at their boys

“you know I’m really proud of you two. Not just for cooking, but for making it this far. You make me feel so fucking lucky” they push themselves up and wrap their arms around Alphonse and Seth

“Happy Valentine’s Day boys” they hold each other tightly and contently

“aright now let’s eat I’m fucking starving”

——————————————————————

Happy Valentine’s Day everyone🫶

I hope you all are having a great day rather celebrating alone or with someone else

Hope you enjoyed this little thing with the boys

#yuurivoice #writing #yuurivoice seth #yuurivoice fic #yuurivoice alphonse #yuurivoice sugarboo #bittersweet trio #fluff and only fluff #happy Valentine’s Day

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footiehoemcfc · 7 months

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Bad day means pottery date

Surpriseeee!

Hi guys :) I have not written a fic in a while because I'm always busy or I just can't get myself to do it. Howeverrr, SOMEONE, and by someone I mean Soph (@masonmount07) encouraged me to write again. She has been sharing teasers for her fics which are AMAZING and you should deff read the ones she has posted!! That being said I won't commit myself to dates or requests because I don't know how often I will be writing fics. At the moment I have different ideas I want to write but it takes time so bare with me. Anywayss I hope you enjoy it! :) TW: none, 3.9k words, Fluffy

These were the types of days you hated. Feeling like shit, feeling tired, feeling like you could be doing something better with your life. Work had been awful, you were feeling very insecure about yourself for multiple reasons, you had burnout and you were just tired of it. Projects for work kept piling up every single day and it made you want to rip your hair out. You didn’t particularly love your job, but you needed it otherwise…well you would have absolutely no money.

Your insecurities have always haunted you, however the last couple of years you had worked through them and started accepting your body and everything about yourself because you figured you only have one body, might as well take good care of it and be happy. The problem starts when you start comparing yourself to other women.

Last weekend Mason had invited you to go see a game of his. You were not dating, but he had asked you out on dates, 4 times by that point. On those dates he got to know you loved football, so he thought it would be great to have you there so you could enjoy the atmosphere and support him. You gladly accepted, you really liked Mason and you loved going to stadiums. You and Mason had never kissed or anything further than that. You had exchange loving glances, kisses on the cheek and held hands during dinner but not much more than that. He never really attempted to as well which made you feel like maybe he just wasn’t that into you. That kind of started your insecurities. However when you went to the game, it hit you. Why the hell would he be into you? Look at these girls in his box. They look absolutely perfect. They were basically Instagram models of course they looked perfect. You felt very out of place.

Ever since that game you felt mehh about yourself. Mason said hi to you after the game, however you didn’t have a chance to talk to him that much since all of his friends were there and wanted to talk to him. You had been texting for a week now and had planned getting dinner tonight, but in all honestly you were not really feeling it.

Once you stepped into your apartment, you felt relief. You were home, you could relax and you could have peace of mind. That did not last long though. Not even 5 minutes in, your boss had texted you to come in earlier tomorrow since some of the staff had quit unexpectedly today and they needed backup. That was your last straw. You stared at the message and your vision started getting blurry. Your tears started falling and they didn’t stop. You wanted a break from it and from everything. You threw your phone into the living room sofa, went upstairs and just threw yourself to bed. All the emotions you had came out. You felt dumb for crying so much over a job and over yourself, but you needed it. The crying gave you a headache which resulted in you falling asleep.

You woke up to the sound of your phone ringing downstairs. You got up from your bed and quickly went downstairs to answer.

Without glancing at the name you answered, “Hello?”. “Hey you! I’ve been texting you since this morning.” You froze. It was Mason. You looked at yourself in the mirror behind the sofa, your eyes puffy, your hair all over the place. “Oh yea sorry I was really busy at work today I didn’t even get a chance to check my phone.” “That’s alright love, what time should I pick you up?” Shit. The dinner. Do you lie and tell him in an hour, try to get yourself ready and look at least presentable with a stuffy nose and try and get through the whole dinner without crying, or do you just tell him the truth and cancel on him? “Oh yea um listen…” Fuck. Think. “I just had a really bad day, I feel awful doing this to you but I just don’t think I can today.” You closed your eyes hoping for the best. “Oh no, what happened?” His voice was filled with concern which made you feel butterflies in your stomach. “Nothing for you to worry about I promise, just a bunch of workload and um…” your voice cracked. You couldn’t even tell him about your shitty day without crying how were you meant to get through a whole dinner with him. “Yea it’s just a bunch of stuff” you covered your mouth and closed your eyes to stop yourself from crying. “Aw babe, are you okay? I feel awful for you.” He did feel bad for you. You had mentioned to him before how your job was not the best but he didn’t think it was this bad. “Yea” you sniffed and paused for a second to compose yourself, “yea I’m okay don’t worry” you sniffed again and just wanted to hang up because you knew if he started talking to you and try to make you feel better you would just crumble. “I’m really sorry you're having a bad day today, I wish I could help you somehow”, “It’s okay Mase don’t worry, I’m really sorry for canceling so last minute”. You did really feel bad, you were never the type of person to cancel on someone no matter what was going on but today had been just a little too much. “No love, don’t worry. We can see each other another day. Get some rest yea? If you need anything you know I’m here, always” You smiled. These types of comments he made can make you feel so giddy, but then you remember you haven’t even kissed each other and it just goes away. “Thanks Mase. I’ll text you.” “Of course, goodnight love.” “Night Mase.” And with that you hung up.

After that call you ordered take out, watched a movie, took a bath and went straight to bed. Your body was exhausted and you had to get in early tomorrow to cover for other people. You were not looking forward to it at all. You wanted to stay in the whole day and not do anything.

6 am, and your alarm rang causing you to jump from your deep sleep. How did you sleep 8 hours yet you felt like you only slept 1? The thought of going to work made you nauseous. You knew this was not normal. After much thought, you decided to say fuck it and call in sick. Your brain felt like it was fried and your body felt like it was giving up on life.

After texting your boss you were sick, you didn’t even wait for a response, you went back to bed. You had no energy to give explanations. After sleeping for 3 more hours, you woke up at 9:30 am. You wanted to relax but you also felt like you needed to at least go out for a walk and get fresh air. As tired as you were, you wanted to get some movement going. Lately looking at yourself in the mirror made you feel uneasy. You had bag under your eyes, you felt like your body felt like jelly since you have no time to work out or even take walks. You were not feeling yourself at all. Seeing all those girls in the stadium box made you look hard enough in the mirror to find more stupid insecurities you didn’t even know you had. So, to try and feel a bit productive, you took a shower, put on some yoga pants, a hoodie and decided to take a walk around the neighborhood. Did it make you feel better? Nope, but it did help a little.

You spent the day reading, talking to your only friend in the office and cooking yourself breakfast, lunch and a snack. Your friend was concerned about you so she suggested you file a complaint to HR for the overload of work you had to do. It wasn’t a bad idea at all and you did it. The whole day Mason hadn’t texted you which felt weird. You would text him when he was free from training but no message came in. Maybe it was because you canceled on him? Maybe he finally realized he is wasting his time with you? Who knows but overthinking made you feel upset. You liked him a lot. Did he like you a lot too, as a friend? As a potential girlfriend? You didn’t know but you still wanted to find out.

It was 5 pm and no text from him came through. You were debating whether to bite the bullet or not and just text him yourself but you didn’t want to seem desperate. You started typing on his chat, “Hi Mase” adding a little heart. Press send you idiot, you thought to yourself. “Sent.” You put your phone down and walked away from it like it was a bomb that was going to explode. You idiot, you idiot, you thought. You decided to start cutting up some veggies to start dinner to try and distract yourself. Nerves started settling in. Maybe you should delete the text message if he hasn’t seen it.

You got a little lost in cutting up the veggies that when your phone rang it made you jump. “Jesus Christ” you muttered to yourself. The caller ID “Mase” appeared on your screen. You got nerves all over again. How can a man make you this nervous. “Hi Mase” you answered, trying not to sound terrified. “Hi love, how are you?” he sounded really chirpy which settled your nerves. “I’m better than yesterday, what about you?” “Oh great I’m glad you feel better because I’m picking you up in 30 minutes.” What? Picking you up? You don’t remember agreeing to seeing him yesterday before hanging up. “Umm what?” he laughed at your confused state. “I felt awful about not being able to help you out yesterday so I thought we could do something fun today instead of dressing up fancy and get a fancy dinner. Are you up for it?” You were smiling from ear to ear. He went out of his way to make you feel better and here you were debating or not if you were an idiot for just texting Hi to him. “Really?” you knew he could tell you were smiling and excited. “Yes really” he said chuckling. “So, wear something you don’t mind getting dirty, and I’ll be there in about 30 minutes yea?” “Okay, um but wait what are we doing exactly?” “It’s a surprise.” “A surprise?” “Yes a surprise, so get ready, don’t ask anymore questions and we’ll have fun.” You laughed at his comment. “Okay then I’ll be ready”.

Wear something you don’t mind getting dirty. What the hell were you doing with him today? Maybe a painting class? A cooking class? Will you go to those rage rooms to break stuff? Honestly you had no idea but it was exciting. You dressed up in some old but cute jeans you didn’t mind getting dirty and a tank top with just a simple jacket. You put on a little bit of makeup and you were ready to go. Mason arrived exactly 30 minutes after to pick you up. Once he pulled up, he rolled down his window and watched you close and lock your door. “Fucking hell you still look beautiful with old clothes” he said making you blush and roll your eyes. “Listen, I still tried to look good.” You opened the door and got in his car. He leaned in and kissed your cheek, “You always look good love.” You blushed yet again at his comment. “Stop it.” You said laughing, and soon enough he started driving you to your surprise date.

“Are you still not giving me any clues Sir?” you asked once you stopped in a red light. He turned to you, “No Ma'am, no clues, I told you it’s a surprise.” You smiled at his comment and leaned in to kiss his cheek. “Thank you Mason.” You were grateful he was doing all of this to try and make you feel better. “No problem.” You kept looking into each other’s eyes and were leaning in to kiss. You wanted to kiss him more than anything and you felt you were about to, until the car behind you honked to indicate to you the light was green. You both lightly jumped and laughed.

Once he parked the car you were still confused. The place did not look familiar and there was no sign of what the pace could possible be. “Okay then, follow me.” He took your hand and tangled his fingers with yours, leading you to a blue door. He opened the door for you and once inside you realized were you were. “Oh my god, are we doing pottery?” he laughed at your excitement. “Yes, we are doing pottery.” “Oh my god Mason! I’ve always wanted to try and do it!” “I know you did, you told me on our first date” he said smiling at you. Your heart melted completely at the fact that he remembered. You couldn’t help it and just hugged him, burying your face in his neck. “Thank you so much” you said, so only he could hear since your whole face was smushed in his neck from how tight you were both holding each other. “You're welcome my love.” Again, melting your heart.

You both got seated in your places, the machine in front of you and a bucket of water beside you. Once your instructor showed you how it was done and gave you tips, both you and Mason got to work. “Okay so what if we do mugs and we keep each other’s mugs” Mason suggested. “Oooh okay that is a good idea, make it pretty please I’ll be drinking tea out of it every day.” Mason laughed at your comment and both of you started getting the clay ready.

It got way messier than you thought it would. While trying to get the shape of the mug right, and talking to each other at the same time, Mason’s spinning machine started going way too fast causing the clay to almost fly out and causing both of you to laugh so hard your belly started to hurt. It was becoming the most fun date you have ever been to and your favorite. You loved how easy it was to have fun with him and to see him let his guard down with you. Mason on the other hand, loved seeing you happy, feeling better and making you laugh.

Since it was the first time attempting to make a mug out of clay, they didn’t turn out great. “Look at your mug!” Mason said pointing at your deformed mug and laughing really hard causing you to laugh as well. “Oh my God you are so rude, look at YOUR mug.” His mug was worse, it was wonky and it was barely standing. Both of you red on the face from laughing so much. “We are not going to be able to drink from this, look at them.” Mason said, causing you to laugh again. You looked over at the shelves and saw different mugs, cartoons, plants and much more already made just missing color. “Okay how about, we grab one of those mugs, paint them for each other, it’s way easier.” You suggested, making Mason agree. “Yea okay, that’s a better idea.”

Both of you grabbed two identical looking mugs, and the staff gave you different brushes and colors to paint the mugs. Both of you got concentrated in painting the mug, once you were done you didn’t even realize you had been at the place for 3 hours already.

“Okay I’m done.” Mason said, showing you his mug. It was blue and red with spider webs. “Of course it’s a spiderman mug” you said, chuckling and rolling your eyes. “Don’t judge me, I’m a kid at heart, let me see yours.” You grabbed your mug by the handle trying not to get paint on your hand. “Tadaa '' you said, lifting up the mug. It was light blue and light green. “Oh wow, it looks really cool.” Mason said admiring it. “Well thank you, it’s for you.” Mason smiled and grabbed the mug. In exchange he gave you his mug, you laughed once you realized you were going to be drinking tea everyday out of a spiderman mug.

Once the paint was dry, the staff packed your mugs into a box and handed it to both of you. You said your thank yous to everyone and went outside. “Okay before we go anywhere else, I had something for you so close your eyes.” You were surprised, but obeyed and closed your eyes. You heard Mason open his car door and the close it. “Okay open up.” You opened your eyes and saw the most beautiful bouquet of roses. You gasped and looked at Mason who was already blushing and smiling at you. “Oh my God! Mase these are so beautiful! Thank you so much!” You said grabbing the roses. “You're very welcome.” Mason was still smiling at your reaction. “Mase seriously this are so pretty you didn’t have too.” You pulled him in for a hug. He wrapped his arms around your waist and buried his face into your neck. “I know, but I wanted to. I wanted you to have a great day.” You were about to tear up but you didn’t want him to see you cry. You swallowed the lump in your throat and pulled away to look at him. Both of you looked into each other's eyes and had the urge to kiss each other. You have wanted nothing more than to kiss him since the first date. He didn’t hesitate this time and kissed you lovingly. It was the best kiss you’ve ever experience in your life. This made your feelings for Mason much more stronger and hoped he felt exactly the same way for you. He brushed his tongue over your lip and kept kissing you. You didn’t want it to end but both of you had to breathe. Once you stopped kissing, you rested your forehead against his and just smiled. “This was the best date Mase.” You whispered. “I’m glad you liked it love.” He gave you one last peck and opened the door for you to get in the car. He started driving again, this time his hand on your thighs. “Where are we going now?” you asked breaking the comfortable silence. “Well, I don’t want fancy food in a fancy restaurant and I know you don’t either,” he said making you giggle, “so how about some five guys?” “Sound perfect then.”

You ordered Five Guys and started eating in the car. Mason had parked in front of a nice park with a nice view. The meal was really good, it consisted on reliving the mess both of you made with the pottery class and just talking about everything and anything.

“So,” Mason said, wiping his mouth with a napkin “I wanted to ask you what had made you so sad yesterday…I mean if you want to talk about it.” “Oh well” You were debating whether or not to tell him. How do you explain to him that you felt insecure because of all the girls he is friends with and that you hate your job without sounding pathetic. “Um my job has been a pain in the ass. I get projects every day it feels like and a lot of the staff quit unexpectedly so I have to cover for them which means even more work.” You said almost laughing at how ridiculous that sounds. No person should be dealing with the amount of work and burnout you were dealing with. “Oh shit, can’t you talk to your boss or someone like a manager?” “Yea, I mean I called in sick today because I just could not do it. I also filed a complaint to HR which I don’t really know if it will help but you know it’s at least something.” Mason was looking at you and listening attentively. “Okay good, maybe they can help, you shouldn't be feeling discouraged and tired in any job.” “Yea I know, it’s really just my job and I don’t know I’ve been feeling a little self conscious lately which is no big deal but it just throws me off some days you know?” Mason’s concern was evident in his face again. “Why’s that love?” You gulped, dreading to tell him you have felt this way ever since you went to his game. “Well, I don’t know. I just feel like sometimes I think about you and you know you are you and I am me. I feel out of place sometimes, especially last weekend with your friends and those girls. They are gorgeous and live like a different reality than me, but it's not that big of a deal I promise.” You really didn’t want to make it seem you were fishing for compliments or you wanted pitty from him but you didn’t want to lie to him.

“Hey look at me.” He said placing one hand against your cheek for you to look at him. “You can talk to me about this okay? I never want you to feel out of place, specially with me. You are the most gorgeous girl. I’ve really wanted to be with you ever since I met you. I know sometimes my lifestyle is very different from yours but that doesn’t mean I don’t want you. Since our first date I've been beating myself up for not even attempting to kiss you.” He said chuckling and making you smile. “I just really wanted to do this the right way you know? Like go on dates, get to know you first, not rush it. That being said, I’ve been really dying to kiss you though, and I’m glad I finally did.” You smiled at him and leaned in to kiss him one more time. It was not a heated kiss, it had a lot of passion. “I really like you Mase, I also want to do this the right way. Sometimes I just overthink too much and get like awkward I don’t know.” You said making yourself and him giggle. “I like you too. So much. You don’t need to hide your personality from me, you don’t need to always look “perfect” for me. I loved seeing you smiling, laughing, clay all over your face today.” You both laughed remembering how the clay went all over the place. He leaned in again and kissed you one more time. “Thank you for today, really. I've never had anyone go out of their way to do something like this for me.” You said kissing his cheek. “You're welcome. We are doing this again it was way too much fun.” He kissed your nose and you agreed.

Once you threw the food wrappers in a trash can near by, he drove off to go drop you off. While saying goodbye, he gave you a few more kisses and waited for you to get safely into your apartment. Once you got inside, you couldn't help but feel giddy and giggle to yourself. You heard a ping from your phone. “Cooking classes next date? X” You smiled to yourself as you read Mason’s message. “Perfect.” You replied. The butterflies in your tummy never went away that night.

#mason mount #mason mount fan fiction #mason mount fluff #mason mount x reader #mason mount x y/n #mason mount fic

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angel-of-the-moons · 2 months

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Nothing Is Lost

Khonshu x Fem!Reader

TW/CW: Sleep depravation, child/parent death, drowning, grief, depression, anxiety, comfort, Khonshu being a dickhead again

A/N: Yeahhh this one hurt me a bit to write because ohhh boy I can imagine the voice of Merit's mother when she hears the news. Just awful. I'm sorry if this is another hot mess, but I'm hoping to get back into the groove! (Note; I could not think of good enough names for the boys so I'm just coming up with shit as I go, bare with my historical inaccuracies on this one!) I hope this rips your heart out the way it did mine!

Taglist: @drinkingwithkhonshu @astrosphereblog

🌑🌑🌑🌑🌑🌑🌑🌑🌑🌑

Chapter 9:

The Book Of The Dead

The goddamn old bird really didn't understand personal space.

Like, really, really didn't.

You had already run out of fingers to count on the past week how many times you awoke in the middle of the night to him sitting in the dark, looming silently.

"Honestly, will you just tell me what the dreams are?" He'd scoffed as you wiped the heavy sweat from your face.

"Will you go away forever if I do?" You sigh, flopping back down onto your bed.

"Most likely not."

"Then no." You grunt, rolling over to pull the blankets up over your shoulders. The silence stretched once more and you could feel him staring at you.

"Do I need to start charging you rent? Like, if you're not gonna help me, just go, you ginormous pigeon." You say, glaring at him over your shoulder.

His shoulders squared. Apparently, "pigeon" was an insult that ruffled his feathers (god you shouldn't have giggled at that pun) judging by how his posture stiffened.

"Not until I unravel the mystery surrounding you." He replied tersely.

"Good luck with that. You gonna be able to do that by staring at me in the dark like some kind of creeper?" You scoff, facing the wall once more.

You felt a cold chill creep into your bones, a sharp stab of anxiety filling you once again as you close your eyes, hoping beyond hope that you would have a dreamless sleep, or by some miracle that you'd simply feel rested by closing your eyes.

It wasn't even the fact you had an ancient god inhabiting your personal bubble, anymore that freaked you out. What really scared you were those fucking nightmares.

You dreaded trying to sleep every night. You got your "feeling" more and more often now, with every pang of anxiousness that filled your body. The tingling in your hands became too much to ignore at times, and it almost hurt.

After ten minutes of sleep eluding you once more, he grunted. "I know you're faking."

"It's not faking, I'm trying to sleep." You hiss, squirming beneath your blankets.

"Oh, are you now." His voice dripped with sarcasm.

"Yes!" You say, fatigue making your temper very very short. "You're a god, don't you have better shit to do than crawl up my ass?!"

"Not currently, no."

"Fuck off."

"No." He replies bluntly. "Not until I know how you were able to summon me."

"For the last time! I don't kn--" When you rolled over to glare at him, your hand flew out; and as it did, the glass of water next to your bed flew across the room and shattered against the wall.

You sat up then, slowly, looking at the remains of glassware with wide eyes. Then, you pout at the god sitting on one of your chairs as though it were a calm summer afternoon on an old rickety porch.

"Why did you do that?" You accuse.

"I didn't." Khonshu replies, tilting his head to the side.

"But, I didn't.... I didn't touch it..." You mumble softly.

"Magic, in case your brain is too slow to catch up." Khonshu sighed boredly. "It makes sense, now. You did not see the light in your palm just now?"

Your eyes blink slowly, feeling heavy as you stare at your palms in shock. Shit... was he right? Maybe... Maybe he was... No. No, no way in hell could your life get any crazier. It just wasn't possible. He was fucking with you because he was bored.

You swing your legs out from under your blankets and wipe at your face, your eyes puffy and exhausted. "I'm too tired for this. Can you clean that up?"

His head tilted again, his arms still crossed over his broad chest. "No."

"Worth a shot." You sigh, heaving yourself onto shaky feet. If you didn't get rest soon, you felt like you were going to drop dead.

But... you couldn't leave glass for your sleepy ass to rediscover in the morning. Grabbing some paper towels, and your mini broom and dustpan, you began the task of cleaning the shattered and soaking mess. You carefully carried the dustpan full of paper towels and glass remains to your trash bin and sighed as it tumbled into the bag within.

Your head began to bob as the edges of your vision darkened; your heart began to pound in your chest and you felt like it would explode.

Your breath was squeezed out of your lungs, and as you collapsed, you were vaguely aware of something warm enveloping you before it all went black.

🌑🌑🌑🌑🌑🌑🌑🌑🌑🌑

You were pouring over your papyrus scrolls, analyzing every single word, delicate fingers inking new hieroglyphs on the blank sheet nearby.

The breeze blew idly into your room, the sweet-spicy scent of your incense being blown back onto you as you chewed your fingernail, deep in thought.

You were studying the various tales of the gods, as well as scribes' accounts on things that occured within the temples and palace; a few scrolls here and there on the current state of Egypt's economy.

Your brain was like a parched field of crops, every drop of knowledge was drank greedily as though it were water and stored within every fiber of your being. You wanted to be a scholar, you wanted to learn new things, you wanted to know as much about the gods you worshipped as possible, maybe to, one day yourself, get close to them, to be blessed enough to hear their words with your own ears.

You sighed, setting your reed pen down near your inkwell as you rubbed your temple. You felt a stiffness in your hands and neck when you lifted your gaze to peer out your window. It was likely... two hours past midday, you had to assume, judging by how far the sun had sailed.

Your parents were meeting another noble--probably to discuss a marriage between you and a male heir they possibly had--or maybe they went to the palace to speak with the Pharaoh? You were honestly worried he would propose your hand to his heir, and make you his wife or concubine. It wouldn't be ideal, but your father's wishes were that you were cared for when he and your mother passed into the afterlife.

You merely wanted to study, to learn as much as you can, and imbibe the future generations with the knowledge you accumulated as you grew.

You stood, arching your back and cracking your neck and knuckles; your eyes flitted to your bed, and for a moment you were tempted to take a short nap, having one of the servants wake you when your parents returned. Or your little brother, he was out playing with your neighbor's sons, today. He promised that he would bring you the shiniest, prettiest fish he could; proving that if anything happened to your parents, he could take care of you, because you were his big sister, the greatest big sister ever! The childlike sentiment was heart-warming, and you couldn't help but indulge your brother, reminding him to be careful of the currents before shooing him and the other boys off for their fun in the Nile.

But that was four hours ago. And you hadn't heard from them in a while...

You sighed as you looked out the window, your arms resting on the sill while your eyes were drawn to the plucked lotus you had in a clay pot in the small space. It was wilting, it would need to be dumped, soon--

"MERIT!" A young voice called for you.

It wasn't your brother. He sounded panicked--frantic. As the young body came into view, Akenmatuu hopped up and down, his eyes wide and fearful as he looked up at you, his little brother close behind, looking just as afraid.

Ahrenkare was not with them.

You leaned out your window, feeling your skin grow cold and sweat begin to bead on your brow. "Akenmatuu, what is it? Where is--"

"Ahrenkare fell in the river! We can't find him!" He interrupted.

It wasn't more than a few seconds between him shouting those words and your stuttered breathing that you ripped off your wig and ran down to the street where the boys were.

They were shorter than you, their manhood not fully grasping their bodies just yet. And it was just so painfully obvious how young they were when you saw their smeared eyeliner from their panicked tears, Akenmatuu's younger brother openly sobbing as they tried to tell the broken tale; breaking off in a run to show you where Ahrenkare had fallen into the water.

It was high today, the rains causing the water to swell above the banks. You knew the animals that lived in the river were just as dangerous as the currents and swells...

But... But Ahrenkare knew not to go into the water if it was too deep... didn't he? Oh, no... Oh..oh you hoped he didn't try to dive into the water to catch the fish he'd declared he would bring you! If anything happened to him--

Your feet carried you as though you were blessed by Geb himself, the earth beneath you pushing up to propel you along as you frantically made your way to the river, flagging down a few of the men you passed, crying out that your brother had fallen in. A few of the servants carrying out their daily chores even dropped their baskets to come aid you.

The moment your sandals squished in the mud, your dress being torn by shrubbery and reeds as you rushed towards the water's edge, screaming for your brother--hoping that you would see him rise to the surface, scanning the waves with frantic and fearful eyes as the men heaved their woven boats out to sail on the water, trying to help find your baby brother before it was too late.

You looked on the bank, spotting his sandals, having small pictures of ducks and cows on the soles painted and stitched in. You picked them up, so small in your hands, and squeezed them against you, falling to your knees and crying out for someone--anyone--to bring your brother back home to you.

🌑🌑🌑🌑🌑🌑🌑🌑🌑🌑

It was the most horrible pain you'd ever felt in your life. Worse than the pain that came with your monthly bleeds, worse than when you injured your ankle playing as a young girl.

It felt like your heart was ripped out out of your chest--not by Anubis, but some cruel, twisted, maniacal demon bent on your torment.

The wail your mother made as your brother's pale, limp, lifeless body was placed on the embalmers table haunted your dreams. The way she clawed at her own skin, the way she doubled over him like a feral animal and sobbed made your torn-out heart feel as though it were slowly being fed to Ammit herself; intentionally being chewed as slowly as possible to make your suffering worse.

What hurt you even more after that was your father, so bereaved and heartbroken that he could barely function, his face going blank as hot tears slowly tracked down his wrinkled cheeks, his usually immaculate eyeliner running like black rivers down his face.

"No! No, he's not--!" Your mother cried, thrashing as your father and a servant pried her away from his body.

"That's not my son! It can't be! He's not dead!"

You covered your face and sobbed as a priest approached you, his face gentle and caring. Young for his age, his eyes seemed to carry a great age of knowledge behind them. His hand rested on your shoulder.

"Lady Merit... Please. Attend to your parents." He said sweetly to you. "We will take care of your brother and prepare him for his journey. We have already sent word to the workers of your family's tomb--the Pharaoh himself has paid for more work to be put into it so it will be ready to take your brother and keep him."

"It's not..." Your eyes dragged to the tiny frail body draped in the linen sheet. He looked like he was asleep, as pale as the cloth he was wrapped in.

Your shoulders slumped and you started to tremble.

Ahrenkare was gone. You would not get to see him or hear his laughter again until you, yourself passed on and prepared for your journey into the afterlife.

"Lady Merit." The priest repeated again, his hand squeezing your shoulder in an effort to ground you, to remind you that you were still in the land of the living. "I can assure you. Your brother is in safe hands. I will say a prayer as the embalmer begins his work, I will personally insure your brother is treated with the utmost care and respect as mortally possible."

He turned you away from the haunting sight of your brother's corpse; his presence warm despite the cold that gripped your body and refused to let go. "Please." He said softly.

"Take... Take care of him, he..." You choked, your jaw tensing as you tried to bite back the sob that wanted to crawl from your very soul, instead whispering; "...he's scared of the dark."

Your head hung low as your feet dragged you out, following the disturbing echoes of your mother's cries for her son, your baby brother; who had yet to be given the chance to become a man.

The priest who tried to comfort you looked at you with pain and pity; he knew you well. You came to the temples to study. Many times bringing your brother with to help educate him when his tutors couldn't. Such an innocent ba lost too soon to the next life...

🌑🌑🌑🌑🌑🌑🌑🌑🌑🌑

Ahrenkare had been placed in the tomb two weeks ago, and your mother's mind and body began to wither, as well as her will to live. The burden and pain of losing her only and beloved son was simply too much for her heart to carry.

She was often bedridden, now, but occasionally you would awaken to the sounds of her crying, kneeling in what had once been Ahrenkare's room--now bare of his belongings as his burial chamber in your family tomb was loaded with his things--clutching one of the only things she had left him.

A small toy, carved from wood; it was that of a warrior, built similarly to how your father looked, a symbol of the man he used to be before he was injured in battle and couldn't fight anymore. Ahrenkare looked up to him like he was Ra himself, wanting to be just as brave and as strong as your father was.

But your mother...

Your mother was dying.

You and your father could tell. She refused to eat, now; she barely drank. All she would do was stare out at the Nile, her eyes dull and lost as she looked at the sparkling waves, ignorant of the wonderful life they had taken. Oh, it wasn't anyone's fault, she knew, but... She wanted nothing more than one chance to hold him, again, to feel his cheek as she squished him against her for a kiss; to hear his laughter as she tickled his sides in play...

It was as if her ba was preparing her body for its departure itself.

You couldn't handle seeing her like that--you spent more and more time locked in your room, consuming scroll after scroll, drowning your grief in knowledge the same way the Nile had drowned your brother.

When you weren't studying, you were in the temples, leaving offerings and begging for help from one of the gods. Maybe seeking to lift your mother's ailment, or sending a prayer to Nut to ensure your brother's ba sailed safely through the night sky.

You'd left generous offerings to Anubis, maybe as a way of trying to ensure your brother's ba was not devoured by Ammit.

Right now, you were in a small temple, but one you visited often. It was the Temple of Khonshu; and you prayed excessively as of late, in hopes that maybe he would heal your mother, to lift her pain from her so she could begin to recover.

But nothing you did ever helped. And when your mother finally passed on, you were numb-struck. Still feeling from the loss of your brother, you now had to bury your mother alongside him. The comforting words of your father assuring you the gods took her to reunite her with Ahrenkare did little to balm your wounded heart.

And so, here you were. Collapsed on an altar, sobbing into an empty room, the statue of Khonshu imposing and large as it looked over you, the open roof of the temple allowing the moon to shine down onto you.

Your chest heaved as your body was wracked with sobs, your nails digging into your own skin as you buried your face in your arms.

Despite your disheveled appearance, a warm hand found its way to your head, caressing your smooth scalp in a gentle, comforting way.

"I know it hurts." The voice belonging to the hand said to you. "But I promise, they are no longer in pain. They are together, and are waiting for you, and your father."

"But why? Why now?" You whimpered, curling in on yourself, afraid to look at the kind stranger in fear of breaking down worse in the face of someone's pity.

"Nobody can say. Perhaps it was their time, perhaps there is another divine reasoning behind their passings." He told you. "But rest assured... their souls were not evil. Anubis has no reason to judge them harshly."

"It... it hurts." You sniffled.

"Yes... It will. It will hurt." He told you, his thumb caressing your skin gently. "But you just ask yourself... will you give in to the same affliction that ailed your mother's heart--or will you continue to live, and carry their memories with you? You must find out and see if you will join them sooner, rather than later."

As his hand retracted, you lifted your gaze and turned to see who the man was.

And where he was standing, was a man. A man dressed in all white, long robes flowing around him, Khonshu's blessed symbol emblazoned on his chest as he looked down at you, his face covered by a featureless mask, leaving only glowing sockets where his eyes would be.

He held his hand out to you, expecting you to take it.

"Who are you?" You ask softly. "Are you... a... a priest of Khonshu?"

"In a sense." He chuckles gently to you, his hand encapsulating yours as he brings you to your feet with care, steadying your weary body with a hand to the curve of your back.

"Though, many would consider me his Fist."

🌑🌑🌑🌑🌑🌑🌑🌑🌑🌑

Chapter 10: Link

#moon knight #khonshu #khonshu x reader #khonshu x you #khonshu moon knight #moon knight khonshu #Nothing Is Lost

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bi-bats · 7 days

Note

timkon exes to lovers? 👀👀

(also, hi!!! how’s it going?)

Hello!!!!! Yes I am SO stoked about that one honestly because I have literally like. 17k words of it or something cause it's one of my older fics! Here's a snippet:

“Hey,” Kon said, and the room was too heavy, too thick for him to be sarcastic the way Tim knew he wanted to be. “Hey.” It was barely a whisper out of Tim’s throat, and for a moment he wanted to lean forward and wrap his arms around Kon. Then he remembered to be angry. It had been so long since he’d been in his room that he barely remembered how he’d left it, but he knew somewhere in his head that it shouldn’t have been so clean. Everything was tidy except for his bed, which wasn’t made, and that wasn’t quite right. He knew he’d made it before leaving, the last time. He wanted to smell his sheets to be certain, but he was pretty sure Kon had slept in his bed. No, Tim. Bad Tim. Creepy Tim. There was an easier way to find out, anyways. “Did you sleep in my bed?” he asked, and he hadn’t quite remembered to leak the anger into his voice. It came out soft, too soft, the way being around Kon always made him. Kon’s face flushed, but he didn’t drop his gaze. “Didn’t seem like you were going to be using it,” he mumbled, shrugging, and that was the spark Tim needed to remember he was mad. “Well, I wasn’t, to be honest.” His voice finally found that icy tone he knew Kon would recognize, saw the moment his posture stiffened as he recognized exactly which Tim he was talking to. “I was just planning on stopping in here to breathe for a moment, because that party is starting to get a little too drunk for my liking, so imagine my surprise when-” “Why didn’t you leave?” Kon interrupted him, his gaze burning into him.

jadkjfak I LOVE that fic so much 💚 would love to finish it one day lmaooo

send me an ask about one of my WIPs!

I'm going to answer how I am under a read more because that is sort of a complicated answer, and I'll be talking about health stuff so consider that my health CW/TW for it

Hi!!! Thanks for asking!! I have been wanting to give a little update on how I'm doing because the answer is... not great, honestly.

I got put on medical leave for two months and got diagnosed with degenerative disc disease in my spine (which is something that doctors keep telling me I'm very young to have), and I'm doing 6 weeks of physical therapy for that. Honestly, I've had chronic back pain for 8 years, and I really haven't had time to process that information with all the rest of the stuff I have going on. I'm waiting for an MRI to see what's causing the degeneration.

I've also been having heart palpitations and lightheadedness and chest pain that were mostly addressed when we figured out that I have anemia (not the traditional kind, though, and it seems to be being caused by something else). That said, I wore a heart monitor for a week before addressing the anemia, and the results on that were very reassuring, so my heart looks okay. I've still been having some symptoms, but much less.

However, I've also been having really horrible GI issues that I'm waiting for a bunch of tests to see if I need any procedures or surgeries done to fix, or if it's a problem that can be solved more easily. I have severe nausea, acid reflux, problems actually digesting food, and I've lost like... 12-13 pounds in the last month I think? I get hungry and then I eat and then food makes me feel awful, but if I don't eat, I also feel awful. My body is flat out refusing to digest certain foods and I do not know why. There are other symptoms that I just don't want to share. It's been really frustrating. I feel horrible all the time. I wasn't staying at home for almost a month because I just didn't feel safe staying by myself. I actually answered some of these asks tonight while sitting on the bathroom floor because I wasn't sure that I wasn't going to throw up (I didn't though! yay!).

But basically, just about all of my energy is going into figuring out what's wrong with me right now. And when it isn't going into that, it's going into spending time with my friends and loved ones in an attempt to get through some of the pain/stress.

So yeah, things are rough. It's why I haven't been super active on here or ao3 this year. I am having a really difficult time focusing on writing, and that sucks, because I love writing. It's my #1 outlet and like. I fully can't focus on it.

Anyways. I don't really know where to end this, but that's what's going on with me. I might post a little update later on next week if I get any answers. I have a CT scan and an upper gi scan next week to see if they can see anything wrong just from that, and then more tests after that too.

Thanks for asking, though! I appreciate everyone's asks, this was a fun little distraction from all the stuff I just talked about💖

Also want to add for anyone reading this: I have many doctors trying to figure this out right now and they are running every test we can all think of. Please, please do not tell me what thing you think may be causing this in a reply or a tag, because it'll send me down a medical anxiety rabbit hole and then all I'll be doing for the rest of the night is panicking. I know the goal of any kind of comment like that would not be to make me panic, but that is what it would result in. So please, anyone can feel free to reply, but please don't reply with any sort of diagnosis or suggestion of what you think the problem might be. Thank you for understanding 💚

#☁️ eidoloony #batsasks #bibatrambles

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herehavesomeheadcanons · 1 year

Note

Helloo hellooo ^^

I just saw the Urd headcanon when the reader has a nightmare. Is it possible to write for ferid and a character of your choice?

(I really love your writing you are so talented)

Ah, feridsluver, so nice of you to grace my inbox! I always love reading your comments on my posts. I checked out your blog to get an idea of what you might be looking for with this request, and I must say I'm pleased that you enjoy in-character Ferid instead of sugarcoated Ferid! Always refreshing to see a kindred spirit! (Ferid is my main comfort character too, honestly)

Tw: It's Ferid. You're gonna get some suggestive content.

Ferid Bathory Comforting Reader After A Nightmare~

As usual, snatched an image off Pinterest. He almost looks sympathetic, doesn't he?

🤍♦️ Let's take a different path than dear Urd, shall we? Though the nightmare was no less dreadful, you woke silently. In tears, yes, but without a scream. (Don't know why I just became a poet for two sentences, but whatever)

🤍♦️Anyway, to say that Ferid was a little surprised to see you walk into his study at 3 in the morning was an understatement. Shouldn't you be asleep? Humans need their rest. When you explain that you had a nightmare and want him to come to bed with you, he takes on a more sympathetic look. ("Oh dear, my sweet little pet can't sleep without me~? Here, come sit on my lap for a bit and tell me about it~")

🤍♦️ While you tell him about the absolutely horrible awful terrible dream you just had, you get the sense that he's only half-paying attention. How, you ask? He's running his hands all over your body and nibbling at your neck. That's how.

🤍♦️ Unlike Urd, Ferid's approach to 'comforting' you is to... Ahem... Help you forget the nightmare, so to speak. He gets more and more handsy while you recount the details of your nightmare, until you really have no choice but to get the memo. ("You poor, sweet thing~ why don't I help you forget~?")

🤍♦️ Luckily for you, tonight Ferid seems to be in a generous mood. Meaning, he'll make more of an effort to please you and not just himself. I think it's safe to say that you'll forget your distress about the nightmare fairly quickly!

🤍♦️ After he erases the bad dream from your memory, he might even carry you to bed and cuddle you until you fall asleep again. He'll be sure to encourage you to come to him again the next time you have a nightmare~!

🤍♦️ Next time, you might want to call him to your room. Unless, of course, you don't mind making a mess of his study! (He certainly doesn't)

#ons x reader #seraph of the end x reader #owari no seraph x reader #ferid bathory #ons ferid #ferid bathory x reader #ons ferid x reader

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yakowo · 10 months

Note

WELL...

[Tw//: cursing, military figure written by someone with little to no military knowledge, no i did not double check for spelling i apologize]

-----

Ghost stares at the 13 or 14 year old boy, 'Joey' with a hard look, not enjoying how rudely the kid just jumped up to him and begged for his attention. Honestly, if he wasn't in a good mood, he would've probably smacked the shit out of his kid by now. "Well? Ask your questions. What do you want to know about *me* personally."

"What's your favorite candy?"

Simon blinks. "What?"

"You know... sugar? A delightful treat?"

The kid replies with a small grin.

"Why do you want to know that?"

"Weeeeellll I might sneak you a present for being the only person who's agreed to this."

"I tried to disa-" "Are you gonna tell me?"

Ghost huffed a small chuckle, "... milkyway..."

"American?"

"Mhm."

Joey writes it down in a shitty notebook, clearly used and abused over the few months or weeks this kid has had it. Ghost now had a better look at the kid though, since they moved to a spot with better lighting. He had a horrible burn scare, that covered part of his face, still looking tender, though taken care of. His eyes were a piercing light blue, nearing gray, and his hair spiky, sticking up everywhere, milk chocolate brown, like a hershy's bar.

Too bad he wasn't as sweet as one.

"What's it like to travel?"

"Fine, though I don't travel around for a good reason."

"Does your family miss you when you leave?"

"Don't got any."

"Rrriiiiiiight." Joey winks at him twice and gives a little nudge that confuses Ghost for a brief moment.

The kid continues to write some more stuff down, "what's your mindset put through when you're told to kill? Do you even think about it in the moment? Or do you enjoy it?"

"Excuse me?"

"Sorry, that was kind of an dickhead question, but how do you cope with knowing you have and will have to kill people?"

Ghost glares at the little shit, who seems to actually look guilty at his phrasing of the question.

"I just shut off. My brain either thinks about a way to keep me alive, and- or a way to keep my fellow soldiers alive. I don't focus on the deaths around me, I focus on the lives I am protecting."

"Right." He's quick to write this all down, seeming to think his response was inspiring. Exciting even.

"Do you think a world with no wars would be a safe world to live in? Or do you think it's safer having these wars?"

"It depends, some wars help others in their countries break free from a corrupted government, others are made because of those said governments wanting more land, or more money. Or just more."

He nods, still writing. Writing. Writing. The scribbling noise and quiet breathing are all that is heard for a while. It's been 15 minutes ever since this kid came up to him. He'll just take one more question, and get back to the group.

"Hey, one more question, then I'm leaving."

"Aw- sh- okay. Uhm. Do you know a kid named, 'Joseph Riley'?"

Ghost has to close his eyes and he can't hear himself wince when he hears that name. Images of his nephew-

"Uncle Si! Uncle Simon please! I want to play airport with you!"

Ghost opens his eyes and stares at Joey.

"... why?"

"..." Joey has this look in his eyes, as if he's expecting Ghost to know something.

"I just. Wanted... to know." He breathes out, not realizing clearly that he was holding a breath.

Silence. It feels deafening.

"... classified." He stands up,

"Can- can we please talk again! I have more questions. Here- I have a sorta-card!"

"..." Ghost still takes the cheaply assembled card. Ghost leaves. Ghost has a panic attack at his barracks. Ghost has nightmares everytime be goes to bed.

.... Ghost has an itching need to interigate Joey to see how the fuck he got the idea to ask that.

-----

BOOP. I love this au a lot I'm glad you are interested in it too :D gonna assign myself as :] anon!

- :] anon

:] anon strikes again with their amazing AU!!!🫡✨

OH MY GOD HE ASKED THE QUESTION! Poor Simon though, it completely caught him off guard, yet Joseph nailed to pique his interest. I SO need their conversation when he comes clear, I already feel the hurt/comfort that will come with it 😫

The range of questions from Jo made me laugh a little ngl, from favorite candy to 'how does it feel to kill' the energy that was created in the studio was INDEED uncomfortable 😂

#im eating this AU up and leaving no crumbs #thank you SO much for sharing more of it!!!#my asks

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chronicbeans · 10 months

Note

May I request a Dr. Randolph x reader where the reader takes Players place? Like they manage to go through the loophole and figure out what to do to progress further which intrigues him. So he tries catching them to prevent them from trying to stop the loophole from breaking and because he has interest in them.

I need me some more Randolph. I have so many more requests ideas too lmao but I'll hold them back for now.

The comic is also still in the making. It's like 10+ panels (close ups not 10 full pages) and I'm still hesitating on coloring them or not. (in case with trouble shading lmao) Also, don't expect them to be master art, I'm still learning and cus of the rush I'm feeling I'm making them a bit sloppily to prevent the hyperfixation from dying out.

YIPPEE!!! I love this idea. Also don't worry I think I suck at both coloring and shading so I get you fr-

Dr. Randolph with a GN Reader who is in place of the Player:

TW: Trypanophobia (Needles), Obsessive Behavior (he just gives off those vibes so-)

You had really found it all out on accident. It simply made sense that, if you were in a time loop of sorts, to change your approach to try to escape. Well, at least you THOUGHT it was a time loop, but that is besides the point. When the outcome was different, and you seemingly found more important information, you knew the answer was obvious.

Get caught to find the truth. Find the truth to progress. Progress to escape. Simple.

So, by the fourth time around, Dr. Randolph could quickly tell that you found out something the last time he caught you. The first time, you went right along with his trick of "helping you", all too innocently chatting and laughing from your anxious nerves as you tried to lighten the mood. You didn't even get the chance to run from the pure shock of his sudden attack. The second time, you opened the door, saw him, then ran immediately. The third, you followed and complied, then ran away once he began chasing, trying to find some way to pacify him.

The fourth, however, was different. Instead of searching around and muttering to yourself about what you could use to possibly sedate him, you were looking through papers on the desks. You even went as far as to throw them about in your search for... something. That concentrated look on your face portrayed no fear or anxiety at this point, and he honestly couldn't tell if you were already desensitized to this game of his, or if you were simply hyper focused on the paper in front of you. Either way, he couldn't help but watch in pure intrigue of this strange behavior of yours. You seemed to not even notice or care that he was nearby.

"Nothing here... is it only when I'm caught that those papers show up? I've already been caught in every way possible here, I think."

Papers? Papers... Papers! THOSE papers! The ones about the history of the klinikum. The same papers which he knows could be used to stop the loophole. You seemed to be catching on. Now, as much as he would've loved to let you stop them, he couldn't let that happen. The second he realized what you were looking for, he tried twice as hard to catch you. One inevitably, though, you had managed to escape his office using those pesky syringes he forgot about.

By the time he awoke, you were down in the waiting room for your therapy with Nurse Anne, which was recommended by Nurse Heideltraut. He sat up, leaning against the wall as he waited for the awful, nauseating side effects to wear off. His mind immediately wandered to you. YOU. You were trying to escape. You were out there, somewhere, in his klinikum, ruining everything. Whether you knew it or not, your escape would mean the end of the loopholes and, by extension, most likely himself. You were like a pesky little thorn in his side.

A very... smart, pesky little thorn in his side. You seemed pretty nice the first loop, too, before you knew of his true nature. Adorably so, too. Unlike the few other patients who attempted escape, he wouldn't mind keeping you around.

The next thing he knew, once he recovered, he immediately called Dr. Hauser to give strict orders. Very specific ones. If a patient with (S/C), (E/C), (H/C), and a suspiciously specific height came up to the attic, keep them in the attic by any means necessary and call him. He didn't care if they touch Dr. Hauser's things, didn't want to hear any complaining from him, and didn't care if they don't want to stay in the attic. Keep them there. He'd come to pick them up. He practically heard the disdain and anxiety in Dr. Hauser's voice as he, hesitantly, agreed.

Dr. Randolph made sure to contact the others, as well, giving the same orders. If they were in the bathhouse? Dr. Wolfram would keep them contained until he could show up. In the kitchen? Chef Sauer would have to hold in his anger and keep them right where they were. Did they return to the sick ward? Nurse Heideltraut knew exactly what to do. The only three people who he couldn't get into contact with were that odd Trash Collector outside, Nurse Helene and Nurse Astrid.

It was enough, however, to satisfy his growing anxiety. At this point, he wasn't even sure if stopping the loopholes was his first priority. As he replayed exactly what happened the few times you were in his office, he grew more intrigued about you. How did you figure it out so quickly? What were you like? What did you like? Most of all... how did you even get here? It has been so long since anybody from the outside appeared in Heilwald, that he was beginning to believe that, maybe, the world had ended outside of the hospital. How long has it even been since everything changed? Maybe you could tell him. For all he knew, it was still the 1930s. What if it turned out to be years past that?

He didn't have too much time to contemplate, however, as the phone rang. He picked it up, excitedly asking "Hallo? Who is it? Where are they?" It had, admittedly, come out a bit more desperate and loudly than he anticipated, but that was exactly what he was in that moment. Desperate. To stop you, but most of all, just to see you. Had he gone a bit mad over the years? Maybe. But you seemed to increase that madness, somehow, without even knowing it.

After a few, shocked seconds of silence, Dr. Hauser nervously whispered from the other end of the line "Dr. Hauser. The patient is up in the attic. I blocked them into a corner using some of the stuff I have up here. What do you need them for, anywa-?"

Dr. Randolph hung up the phone immediately. That was all he needed to hear. He knew where you were, now, so he could come and get you. All he would need were a few needles and, preferably, something to carry you in like a stretcher. Yes... a stretcher would do. That way he could strap you down and keep you still. That way, you wouldn't be able to run off, anymore.

#the heilwald loophole dr randolph #the heilwald loophole

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billiebeanhoward · 2 years

Text

All eyes on me - Wilhemina Venable

a/n: been in my drafts for like 6 months. also apologising for any grammar mistakes and im awful at tenses. gif is mine

tw: end of the world?

word count: 2175

tag list: empty everyone left

Days off work spending quality time with your partner Wilhemina have always been your favourite. Either spending the day in each others company with a documentary playing on the television as you both sat doing some knitting on the couch, spending the day in bed or even going out on a nice walk around the lake around your isolated home in the outskirts of LA. But when Wilhemina dedicated todays day of time off to spend the day at the beach, you knew something was up. Something was off. She barely packed anything. The usually organised redhead would've packed a small basket with snacks and a bottle of wine and a blanket but she only insisted on you bringing only yourself. Nothing else.

As you watch her walking barefooted towards the ocean, the soft waves of water lapped at her feet you couldn't help wondering what was going through that beautiful mind of hers. You take off your shoes, roll up your jeans and follow her footprints in the sand, careful to dodge any sharp shells that lay there.

"Penny for your thoughts?" you squint one eye as the sun blares strongly behind your girlfriend as you look at her, waiting for her to speak. Honestly you don't remember the last time she has had a proper conversation with you. Something other than small talk about your day at work, how good the food is, how boring this show is. Never anything other than that. Never telling you how she's feeling anymore. You watch as her gaze returns to the horizon of the vast blue ocean. You watch her lips straighten as she thinks of how to respond.

"Lets just enjoy this day together," is all she says, taking your hand in her left you can feel her quickened pulse through her hand as she grips onto you tightly. "Come, lets sit." you both make your way over to where you laid your jacket down on the sand and sat down, still watching the redhead wondering what the fuck is going on.

Hours went by, you both lounging around in the sun, reading books, even grabbing yourselves an ice cream. You didn't even realise how long it had been until you see the sun slowly setting in the distance. "Y/N," Wilhemina's low voice snapped you from your thoughts as she hands you a paper cup with hot coffee inside which you take happily. "I need to talk to you,"

You roll your eyes letting out a chuckle as you bring the steaming beverage to your lips.

"What's funny?" her eyes staring at you as you watch her intently, bring the cup down before setting it down in the sand.

"I swear this is the most you've spoken to me in weeks," you say as you look into her brown eyes.

"I'm sorry," she apologises, snapping her gaze from yours "I've been busy,"

Ah of course, since her "promotion" at work a few weeks ago Wilhemina has been more busier than ever. Hardly ever home, even when she is she is more stressed out and angrier than usual although she tries not to take it out on you, sometimes she just cant help herself.

"Change is happening to the world and I'm apart of it." she says, a small proud smile tugging at her lips as she returns her gaze to you, your brows furrow slightly as you hold onto your coffee again.

"What sort of change?" Her eyes brightened, twinkled almost as if she has been waiting to tell you this secret of hers since forever.

"The world as we know it is ending." the smile on her face grew bigger and your eyes widen at her sudden answer

"what?"

"I know it sounds scary at first but take a moment to think about it." She turns her body slightly to look at you completely, wanting to see your full reaction to this. "The cooperative, a collection of the dozen greatest minds mankind has to offer, also known as the illuminati, is planning to destroy the world, leaving only the most important people behind. I am leader of my own outpost in central California, I'm leaving tonight before the oceans rise, I will have people come collect you before the nuclear weapons launch tomorrow."

You take in the information, shock taking over and you can't believe it's even happening. Wilhemina takes your hand and you stare at it for a few moments before getting up and walking out towards the ocean again.

"Are you feeling nervous?" the redhead asks with a slight smirk, as you stare out at the sunset for the last time.

"Why? Are you having fun?" you smile at her, which she returns. You look out realising that this is all going to end tomorrow. You watch as the sun slowly hits the tip of the ocean. "It's almost over"

She chuckles deeply at your comment as she steps into the water, the waves slowly lapping at her ankles. "It's just begun"

"But what if -"

She turns to face you, "Don't overthink this, look in my eyes," she holds your face in her hands as you look deeply into her beautiful brown eyes, "Don't be scared. Now, don't be shy. Come on in, the waters fine." she smiles

You look at her remembering her comment from earlier, "But you said the oceans rising"

She chuckles deeply again her shoulders relaxing as she drops her cane to the floor, widening the space between her arms as she relaxes, "Like I give a shit,"

"The whole world's ending," Her words finally hit you, panic arising deep in your stomach as a wave of nausea hits you

"Honey, it already is,"

"Did you know about this before it was happening? You didn't tryto slow it?" you ask, your face turning slightly pale as you look back to her, she grabs your hands tightly.

"Heaven knows I tried. But this is it. Got it?" she looks at you tilting her head a little as you nod once "Good," she smiles "Now get inside."

Plans change, Wilhemina ushers you out of the house with her in a panic as soon as her ride comes parked at the door. Hastily, she pushes you through into the backseat as she scoots in beside you, a tall woman and several other people followed you out of your home returning with your bags before the driver began driving away.

"Where are we going?" you ask, the dark night seeping through the windows, thankfully California is quite a bright city so there were plenty of light so you can still see Wilhemina's face. Her lips purse as she takes her cellphone from her small handbag. "I thought you were getting me tomorrow?"

"I couldn't have. It would've been to late." she snaps, frustratingly, her gaze locking to yours as you take in her appearance. She looks stressed and so tired, she hasn't been sleeping well lately and rightfully so. She sighs before taking your hand in hers. "I didn't mean to snap,"

"It's okay," you say bringing your hand to her cheek, and she brings a gloved hand up to hold your hand there longer. She smiles contently as you rub your thumb gently. "We'll be okay,"

"Of course we will," she speaks softly, "We're the only ones that matter. We're going where everybody knows everybody. Everyone is important, but not as important as you and I" she smiles bringing your hand back down to your lap.

You begin feeling lightheaded and you shuffle in your seat as Wilhemina tugs you closer so you can lay your head on her shoulder. "That's it, sweet girl. You're safe with me."

You're not sure how long you were out for, not sure how much time had passed. But when you woke up you were laying on the tiled floor of what seemed to be a very large shower room. "How many times must I tell you to make sure the girl is alive."

"I'm sure she is Ms Venable, I'm sorry," a timid voice stutters as the banging from a cane can be heard as you slowly try sitting up.

"You'll be more than sorry if she is dead! And I will not hesitate on killing you myself!" the woman snaps before banging her cane twice and the door to the room unlocked and was quickly pushed open. "Oh Y/N, What have they done to you," the woman coos as she sees your fragile state. "Ms Meed!" she calls, the echoing hurting your ears making you squint. "Help me take Ms Y/L/N up to the purples chambers and get her situated."

It says here she's a grey, Ms Venable," Ms Mead admits as she hands her a clipboard, your eyes furrow as you don't know what the fuck that means.

"Those bastards," she mutters, tossing the clipboard back to the other woman before banging her cane twice again, "Must I repeat myself?"

"No, Ms. Venable."

What the fuck happened to my girlfriend?

You didn't see Wilhemina anymore since Ms Mead helped you out of the "quarantine" zone and up into the purple chambers. You look around the room in amusement as you spot the purple victorian styled dress hanging from the closet with a corset beside it. "God, Wilhemina," you shake your head. "Where are you anyway?" you hear the familiar sound of her cane slowly making it's way down the hallway so you quickly attempt at getting into your costume. Then the tapping stopped.

Three knocks rapped at your door and you stood behind it and turned the knob letting the redhead inside. She spots you as she enters the room, her hardened exterior quickly going soft when she sees you struggling. "Need a hand?" she asks softly and you feel a blush rise on your cheeks.

"Really not my thing."

"Well I like it," she smiles as she fastens up the ties, "And I must say, seeing you in this..." her right eyebrow raises slightly, "Is giving me a little tingle,"

"Oh, Wilhemina, you naughty girl," you say looping your arms around her neck before the door knocks again interrupting you. You break apart quickly and head back over to the closet to slide on the dress.

"Ms Venable, Introductions must be made," Ms Mead says as she pokes her head through the door.

"Quite right, Ms Mead. I'm on my way," you roll your eyes at the redhead as she leaves the room but with two bangs of her cane and a loud "I saw that" your eyes widened and you quickly finished getting ready.

A loud shrill of a bell was heard signalling it was time for a gathering and everyone sat around the table in the hall. You make yourself situated between a blonde woman and a gentleman who looks very much like Wilhemina's boss and you sat and waited until you heard the tap of a familiar cane.

Everyone abruptly gets up out of their seat except you and the blonde beside you, "Why is everyone getting up?" you turn and ask her, and she smirks as she shrugs her shoulders

"Get your fucking hands up!" You hear your girlfriends voice boom through the room before you could see her. "Get up out of your seats!" your eyes widen in confusion

"What?"

"Ms Vanderbillt. Do you really want to be punished again?" Wilhemina tilts her head as she punctuates her sentence with a tap from her cane.

"No, sorry Ms Venable."

"Jesus christ." you roll your eyes, still not getting up from your seat and Wilhemina turns her head towards you, her beautiful dark lips curling as she sees you.

"Stand up." she orders, "I won't tell you again Ms Y/L/N and you would not like the consequences of defying me I assure you" there was a slight twinkle in her eyes and you roll your eyes again.

"Please pray for me," you mutter under your breath as you stand up, your hands above your head. Vanderbillt giggles as she hears your comment but quickly becomes straight faced as Wilhemina bangs her cane twice.

“All eyes on me," Once Ms Venable seems content with everyone listening and doing as they're told she sits down at the head of the table.

All eyes tracked her as she nodded, "You may sit," You all slumped back in your chair and you put your hands down a light laugh escaping your lips.

"Something funny, Ms Y/L/N?" her head snaps towards you and you shake your head quickly, but you see her eyes darkening. The power getting to her. She loves the feeling of being in control, and the fact she is in charge with all these people bending backwards to her every whim, it's a dream come true for her.

She shakes a small bell by her right hand and a woman quickly runs in with a tray before placing a jelly cube in front of everyone. "Welcome to the end of the world"

#sarah paulson #ahs #wilhemina venable #sarah paulson x reader #wilhemina venable x reader #american horror story

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peachiebeann · 10 months

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The Attack (All Smite x OC)

Just a snippet from my fic on Wattpad!

If you’d like to read it in full, just let me know and I’ll post a link! Enjoyyyy~

Tw: Gun usage, drugged, possible death

—————

A few days after that night, Hei had sort of been distancing herself from Toshi. She felt awful for what she did to him, despite his reassurance that he accepted her apology.

Hei was down in the apartment's public gym, doing her daily workout. She may have been pregnant, but she was still able to do a bit of exercise. She stared at her water bottle as she walked on the treadmill.

"There you are!!" She heard Toshi's voice boom before she noticed him behind her. "Have you been avoiding me?" He asked, tilting his head at her. "No, I haven't." Hei replied, turning off the treadmill and turning to get off. Furrowing his brows, Toshi grabbed her wrist. "Don't walk away from me while I'm talking to you." He grumbled. Hei stopped and looked back at him, her voice slightly quivering. "Why would you.. think I'm avoiding you..?" She asked, afraid of his answer. Toshi just tightened his jaw, staring down at her worriedly. "Because you keep running away from me. If something is bothering you, please don't hesitate to tell me, Butterfly.." He lightly squeezed her hand in reassurance.

He noticed her tearing up and leaned down to kiss her forehead. "I'm always here for you, Baby." He whispered. "No more apologizing, Hei. You finish your workout and I'll go upstairs and set up a nice warm bath for you." He smiled and rubbed her head before walking away. Hei stood, watching him leave for a second. She sniffled and wiped her tears, deciding to just finish up for the day. She grabbed her bag and headed into the showers to clean herself up and refreshen. She didn't bother putting on deodorant since she would be getting a bath anyway.

———

Hei, in her full red panda form, sat in the tub lazily as Toshi tried engaging with her. Her ears laid slumped forward and her eyes were glued to the bubbly water in front of her.

Lightly pushing a rubber duck in front of her, Toshi leaned in, smiling. "Lookie, it's your friend, Duckface!" He chuckled. Hei didn't react to him, but her nose did start to twitch. She could sense something was coming.. It was a feeling she just couldn't ignore.

Toshi frowned. "Hei.." He started, but was interrupted by the sound of door knocking. "Don't." Hei was quick to stand up, now in her human form and sopping wet. She quickly dried herself off as best she could, Toshi watching in confusion. "Hei? What's going on, you've been acting funny all this week." Toshi stood up, his muscles slightly bulging and his hair standing on end. "Toshi, for ONCE in your life, just listen to me! Do not open that door." Hei fussed, throwing her towel and dashing to her room to put on the quickest outfit, which would be her hero bodysuit.

Toshi followed her, grabbing her shoulder. "Tell me what's going on, who's at the door? Why are you acting like this?!" He furrowed his brows. "They found us. I can smell him from here." Hei finally replied, staring into his eyes. Toshi seemed to freeze before diving into the drawers. In less than a minute, he was dressed in his villain getup with a pistol in hand. He was going to protect his precious little Hei.. even if it meant ending the life of the perpetrator trying to harm her.

"Stay in here, stay away from the windows." Toshi warned her, loading the gun.

"Come on out, Toshi! We don't need you, we only need that wretched bitch." Shigaraki casually knocked on the door again, grinning. "Honestly, I should kill you for running away from me and disobeying my orders, but.. the fangirls like you, so I'll keep you around." He spoke loudly, two larger villains behind him snickering.

Hei glanced at Toshi. "Fangirls?" She whispered. "I can explain, but right now isn't the time. You need to get out of here, now." Toshi whispered back, glaring down at her. Hei, now fully in her hero suit, sighed and pulled him in. "Whatever happens, I love you, Okay?" She cupped his cheek and came in, kissing him. Toshi relished in the kiss for a second, resting his hand on her back, just above her ass. They broke it off and Hei grabbed her mask and opened her window, looking out and scooping the area out before slowly climbing out.

"Break the door down." Shigaraki commanded, standing back. Sure, he could have just broken the doorknob with his quirk, but where was the fun in that? The two bigger villains began kicking the door.

Toshi tensed up, holding his pistol close. He positioned himself behind the couch before hearing whining. "Fuck!" He looked under the couch, seeing a terrified Bear. "Come on. Come with me, I'll get you out of here." He whispered as the dog eagerly crawled into his arms. Now holding Bear in one arm and holding his loaded pistol in his other hand, Toshi waited eagerly for the door to bust down. With three more thunderous kicks, the door came flying down and Toshi unloaded his round right at the three figures.

"Shit!!!" Shigaraki and the other two villains ducked to avoid being hit.

"Stay the fuck away from her!!" Toshi yelled, standing from his hiding spot and still aiming the gun at the now scrambling trio of villains. "Where is she?!! It's her I want, not you!" Shigaraki stood, holding his shoulder. "Wh- Where are you two going?!!" He looked, noticing the other two villains, as well as residents running away. Still holding the gun, Toshi approached Shigaraki. "Like i'd tell you. She's MINE." Toshi hissed protectively before hearing a piercing scream. Toshi froze.. that was Hei. He must have concluded that she would escape from the window and had someone out there waiting for her. "You.. BASTARD!!!" Toshi shoved the pistol into Shigaraki's skull and pulled the trigger. But it only clicked. Not having anymore rounds on him, Toshi just snarled as he watched Shigaraki's grin grow wider. "The more you stand here, seething at me, the farther your pretty little princess is getting dragged away from you.. Toshi." He snickered.

"Stay still, little princess. We're not gonna hurt you. Yet." A smug, yet calm and sly sounding voice whispered in Hei's ear as he held his hand tightly over her mouth. Hei was too panicked to turn into the panda, the man had her cornered in an alleyway, there was nothing she could do but accept the fact that she was about to be unmasked in front of this ruthless villain. Her worst fear was coming to fruition right before her.

She continued to struggle, scratching and clawing at the man's arm, even biting his hand as hard as she could, but he was as immovable as a mountain. Tears pricked her eyes as she was suddenly jerked roughly against the wall. "Quit moving or I'll burn you to death here and now." The man commanded, his voice deeper now. Now vulnerable and afraid for her life, Hei did just that, just standing in place and sobbing uncontrollably as she awaited her torture.

She felt a poke in her shoulder and gasped. He was injecting her. She still didn't dare move. She didn't know what kind of quirk this man had and she didn't want to find out the hard way.

"We're almost done here! I think you deserve a sticker and a sucker for how good you've been for me, Princess." The man retorted with an amused chuckle. Once the injection was finished, the man roughly grabbed a fistful of her hair as he expertly capped the needle and shoved it into his pocket with one hand. "One noise out of you and i'll make you wish you were never born." He threatened, whispering in her ear again as he turned her around to face him.

Hei's breath slightly hitched upon seeing his face. She had seen villains with horrible scars, but this..?

"Mm.. Toshi's boys were right. You do have some soft succulent lips. I wonder how they taste~" He leaned in as Hei tried to turn her head away. The man roughly grabbed her chin, forcing her to stare at him. "Don't be shy, Babe. Come on, give Dabi some sugar.." He mused before pressing his lips to hers in a hungry kiss. His bottom lip tasted of rubber, and it felt incredibly dry and scratchy on her own bottom lip. He dragged his tongue over her bottom lip, humming. Hei expressed her whines and grunts of discomfort as she still tried pushing him away from her.

Dabi broke the kiss, struggling to open his eyes for a second. "Wow... my god, your lips are so sweet. I've waited months to do that.." He finally took his hands off of her, allowing her to roughly shove him away. "I know what you were probably thinking there. I don't do that shit. Even I, as a serial murderer.. have standards." Dabi mused nonchalantly as he shoved his hands in his pockets and began walking away. "You shouldn't assume every villain is a monster like that, Babe. It can be hurtful, placing that sort of stigma on someone you don't know." He continued before smirking and dashing off out of sight.

Hei stood there, her hand over her chest as she tried to catch her breath. She felt dizzy, lightheaded, confused.. tired..... Why was it getting so dark? And cold...? Her eyes slowly closed shut and she hit the ground, right as she heard her beloved Toshi calling her name.

"Don't you fucking dare close your eyes now, wake up." Toshi sounded frantic as he sat her up against the wall. He reached up and snatched her mask off, tossing it to the side. He needed to see her eyes. He needed to make sure she didn't leave him too.

"The ambulance is on the way, stay awake.. Talk to me, please." Toshi begged, checking her for injuries as a worried Bear whined, standing off to the side. Hei took a shaky breath, reaching up to cup his cut cheek, staring weakly at the trail of blood that dribbled from his hair. "You're hurt.. They hurt you.." She mumbled. "Don't worry about me, I'll live. Just stay awake for me." Toshi waved her off, rubbing her stomach. Hei didn't respond, just staring tiredly at him.

The sirens sounded closer as Toshi continued to examine her body for injuries. "Fuck..!!" He hissed in frustration, as he couldn't find the injury point. She didn't seem to be bleeding anywhere, either. Maybe she wasn't harmed physically. His eyes landed on her face.. and filled with tears. "Hang on, Hei.. please, you can't leave me. Keep your eyes open." He began shaking as Hei weakly cupped his cheek. "It's fine, Toshi." Hei whispered, her voice barely audible over the sirens. "I'm just a little tired.."

She laid her head back, her eyes fluttering closed and her lips falling slightly ajar. "Hei. No, Hei, wake up." Toshi's heart dropped and he cupped her cheek and tilted her head. "Open your eyes.. open your fucking eyes." His voice cracked as he hugged her tightly, breaking down into her shoulder.

This would now be the second person he failed to protect. The second person that he had lost to pure evil. He was worthless, how could he be a hero if he couldn't even protect the two people closest to him?

#mha #my hero academia #all might #boku no hero academia #mha headcanons #all smite #villain all might #bnha #all might x oc #all might x reader #all might fluff

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traumasurvivorshelpingsurvivors · 1 year

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i don't think this needs a tw. maybe for talk of physical appearance if that would be triggering to anyone.

im sort of looking to vent but id like advice or resources if you have any to offer

after having my hair long I decided to cut it short. I've had short hair for most of my life before that so I wasn't afraid or anything. I had a specific style with pictures and specific instructions, but it was a bit of an unconventional hairstyle and the stylist modified it to make it much more conventional. now it looks strikingly like my hair did in some of the worst times of my life

looking in the mirror is genuinely triggering now. I feel absolutely awful all the time. I can barely stomach the thought of going places or seeing people, even people I love because I hate how I look so so much. funny enough, i felt that way about going places and seieng people in the dark times that this haircut reminds me of.

its too short for me to cut a different style unless I want to do a buzz cut which I really don't want. I'm allergic to lots of dyes and don't have the money to buy different brands of hairdye only to do a skin test and find out I'm allergic to all of them, and my hair is so dark that methods like using kool-aid wouldn't do anything. I can't afford a decent wig either. I don't own many hats and even if I did it's getting hotter where I live so it would be too hot to wear them anyway.

i feel obligated to pretend to like it because it does look good on me and I'm already tired of hearing "omg why don't you like it it's so cute!" I don't really have an excuse to not like it besides explaining that oh yeah, I have cptsd and this haircut is one of my biggest triggers but that isn't exactly something id like to share with most people.

on top of that, taking the time to take care of my appearance and taking pride in how I look is one of the main things that helped me get out of that dark place and is almost like self care for me, but now I can't so much as look in a mirror without wanting to cry.

before this my self esteem was higher than it'd ever been. it took one haircut to absolutely destroy that. I don't know what to do with myself

Hey there anon,

First, I am so sorry your stylist did that. As a cosmetologist myself, I'm actually appalled that they would make their own edits to a style you wanted just because they wanted it to be more conventional without asking you. You deserved better.

Honestly, I would try going to a different salon, and asking a stylist there for recommendations. Obviously, I can't tell exactly how short your cut is here, but I'm sure with a good stylist you can come to some sort of conclusion on how to help you.

In the meantime, I don't know how you tend to style it, but styling it differently may help as well (if possible) or even highlighting some of it with bleach. (As it's not a dye, you're far less likely to be allergic to it, though it can be rather harsh, so it may itch or burn if gotten/left on skin.) Hair chalk or similar may also be an option to add temporary colour without dye

It's okay to be triggered by this, and it's okay not to like the haircut despite it objectively looking good for your face shape. It wasn't what you wanted, wasn't what you asked for, and has had serious negative consequences on your mental health and self-esteem. You can definitely try some typical trigger coping methods such as grounding as well, reminding yourself that you have moved on from that period in time, taking inventory of your current self and surroundings, and reassuring yourself that your future doesn't have to be anything like your past.

I'm so sorry this happened to you nonny, and I hope that it can be righted soon.

Best Wishes

-Mod Night

#trauma talks #mod night

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delusion-of-negation · 1 year

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Some folks seriously miss the point or got no off switch.

Like sometimes it's just a joke, let em joke. Not everything is a super cereal discussion lol

Now the real quest is what wand is best fir the poop-be-gone spell

it bugs me because if I posted "man that sweet sweet milky bar wouldn't be worth the child slavery if they got rid of the cowboy mascot" nobody would be like "tw slavery, it's not worth it now", buddy, obviously that's the joke that's the premise you need for what I'm saying to be funny. the joke is obviously the cowboy is never going to make child slavery okay. and ngl, yeah I care that children are enslaved more than I care about jkr's bigotry. there simply isn't a contest between racist goblins and a ten year-old currently being worked to death. I just don't get making the joke serious by adding that "um it's still not worth it :/" like well done, would you like a trophy, you're against bad stuff, applause. sorry there's not enough stupidity in me for me to die on the hill of the shitty wizard game, when I can instead point and laugh at it like, somebody tell these people that conservatives laugh at you for taking it seriously, but if you say "does it let you shove the wand deep in your asshole and cast poop-be-gone?" they can't really declare you triggered lmao. I don't even know what console the game is on, I'm not going to buy it, I can google centaur porn. I honestly am reminded of people who bitch when you don't take some time away to explain that perspective character is morally wrong, when you're writing psychological horror from the villain perspective, the whole reason the story is scary is your morality comes up against this twisted view of the world and that causes discomfort - the story isn't scary if you're not assuming from its beginning that these events are wrong, that's the condemnation built into the very genre, it doesn't need to be spelled out, and it doesn't work if the character isn't acting fine with the awful shit, should you depart to explain how gross and icky it is then that's shattering the tension of this romanticised view of it that you do understand isn't true inherently. it's the same with the joke, it is assuming you already know wand + anus =/= nazism destroyed.

that said, you wanna go with a brown wand for poop-be-gone, it means any accidents or missed spots aren't going to stain white wands, y'know? once you're an accomplished wizard who won't fumble, you can gamble on a white wand up your ass, probably.

edit: I'm being snarky here, the person who added that is fine, it really isn't meant to come across as nasty to them, I'm just tired

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skraptorly · 1 year

Text

Holidays

(TW: Passive death mention) (Vent)

"What are you doing for the holidays?" "Not much really. Probably just going to stay in my room most of the day like usual." "I get it, when my family comes over it's hard some times too. So many people judging every decision you make, it gets to be a lot." "Oh, no I don't have any family coming over." "Oh so you all live together? Must be kind of cramped with them there all the time." "No, it's just me, my mother, and brother." "Wait you don't have any extended family?" "Nope." "What do you do every holiday then without anyone?" "We used to do a lot of prep and do a mini dinner, sometimes invite the two family friends who lived up the street from us when they didn't have anyone else. Then they passed and it got a bit slower. And then when my father passed we moved. We tried after but we stopped really doing much of anything." "Oh, I'm so sorry, you must miss that." "We never really did much anyway except gather for a few hours in the evening. Can't miss what you never had." "Well at least it sounds peaceful, you don't have to deal with all the holiday stress." "Yeah, I guess." "The first set of family just arrived, I have to go help set up since we're hosting this year. Talk to me if you need though okay?" "Don't worry, I'll be fine. You go be with your family, I'll be here when you're done. Talk to you later."

I usually end up having a conversation similar to this every holiday season. It almost always ends in someone telling me how nice it'd be to not worry about the stress of all your family being in one place, or having to cook, or whatever. I always brush it off, but honestly the holidays are hard for me. Not only were they always associated with my father screaming at me, and now my mother getting stressed with that being gone, I never had anyone to celebrate with. I always had to watch other people getting together and having a big celebration, having healthy family relationships. We don't associate with my extended family anymore for many reasons, all of them reasonable, yet awful. And my father would ruin it by not caring about anything or ridiculing me at every little mistake I made, or worse. Even more so, not having them at the holidays, also means I never have them at all. No grandparents, no aunts or uncles, no cousins, nobody. Now that I'm in college it hurts even more. Because now I have friends in person for the first time, and now I have to see them go visit their loved ones while I'm left all alone. It was different when it was just online, but now I'm removed by more than a digital barrier from those I care about. It hurts.

Everyone else in a similar situation, know that it's comepletely ok to be sad about what you don't have, and it's ok to want to ignore the day. It's also fine to be completely unphased. We all deal with it differently, and we all have different preferences and experiences.

I hope y'all stay safe and healthy, no matter what situation you're in.

#holidays #vent

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n0b0dy11 · 2 years

Text

I Can Be With You ~Remus Lupin

RemusLupin x Fem!Reader

Pairing: Remus Lupin (young) x female reader

Genre: Fluff, bit angst/sadness in the beginning

Tw: swearing? and my awful writing ;) (If you find something you find needed to mentioned let me know)

Summary: Remus has finally let it out, he told her and to his surprise and fear she said it back. Now he is trying to avoid her at all costs, because that would hurt less than forcing her with a werewolf, right?... (this is part 2 of 'I Can't Be With You')

Good to know: Last year Hogwarts, Y/n is Hufflepuff and pureblood, Italic is mostly flashbacks, Y/n (your name), Y/n/n (your nickname), Y/n/l (your last name), June Montegmory (Y/n's bestfriend, if this is your name im so sorry) I used Kaya Scodelario as a reference for her :)

Part one - part two

Enjoy!

Remus had done everything in his power to avoid her, Y/n Y/l/n, other wise known as the girl of his dreams.

It sounded weird and maybe mean to call her such as he had turned her down and yet before that kissed her and professed his liking, (love), for her.

He planted his lips on hers, while his hands found her waist. She melted in his arms, her hands tangling in his hair and her eyes closed. She loved how she could feel the little cut in his lip and how his hands would tighten around her waist when she tugged at his roots.

He loved how her soft lips felt, they were even softer than he imagined. He was getting addicted at her pulling his hair softly and massaging his scalp while he could freely explore her back and waist.

But then flashes from his transformation flashed before his eyes, him hurting Y/n and her screaming for him to stop. His heart sank when he realized he couldn't give her what she deserved, so he pulled back tears pooling in his eyes.

"I can't do this to you. I can't make you love me, I'm sorry."

She looked confused, "You don't have to make me love you, I alre-"

He shut her up with placing his lips on hers again, "don't say that please," he whispered against her lips. "I can't let you love me."

"Why?" she wanted to cry, but she was just so hurt it was numb, while his tears rolled over his cheek.

"I'm a monster, now even more than before. Please, just forget me, and be happy."

His hands left her waist and she already missed his body heat, he wasn't a monster and she would never think so, not even after he left her like this, because that's what you do when you love someone.

Y/n knew he was ignoring her and honestly, it broke her even more. If he didn't want to be with her, fine, but telling her he liked her then kissing her to then just shut her out; wasn't fair.

It was mean, and ruthless.

But it didn't matter, because she couldn't help it but love him, his stupid smile, his stupid fluffy hair, his stupidly cute frown, and his stup-

"Y/n?" June asked.

"Sorry? I wasn't paying enough attention, I'm sorry." Y/n hated what effect it had on her, how she would zone out in class, not hear her friends call to her, and drown herself in homework just so something was on her mind.

She couldn't think of him, yet he never leaves her mind completely.

Everybody noticed the change in her mood, how she always was happy and laid-back, she now was always stressed and looked tired.

Remus noticed this too and he didn't know if it made him guilty or not, and it sure made him rethink his decision every time. It wasn't fair of him to kiss her and then tell him they couldn't be together. He was being immature, and just a grade A asshole.

Y/n was wondering about it almost every time of every day, was it her? Was she in the end not what he wanted, did he just want to kiss her and not even once consider her feelings? What did he mean with being a monster? Nothing made sense anymore, everything was just a spiral of more questions.

"Y/n? You did nothing wrong you know that right?" June was worried about her friend, she hadn't been herself and she couldn't pin point were the problem was.

Of course she had made the connection to Remus, she could see her lingering stares on him and his on her, when she wasn't looking. She noticed how her friend was drowning herself in home work and saying 'sorry' to almost everything that wasn't even her fault.

"Yeah, I'm just gonna go," Y/n spoke softly her books clutched in her hands, "homework."

June was beyond furious now, she was hurting so much yet talking about it was something she obviously wasn't going to do. So she was going to talk to the only other person who would know what was going on, Remus fucking John Lupin himself.

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"Talk," June was standing before her fellow prefect, Remus. They had rounds together, she asked to be put together, Y/n was head girl so she wasn't around at the moment.

"W-what?" he was slightly scared of June not gonna lie, she was bloody scary if she wanted to and now she sure as hell did.

"What did you do?" her blue eyes were boring into his and he didn't know how to react. He was maybe slightly frightened by her?

"What are you on about?" he asked, and if he wasn't talking to June maybe the person would've believed he honestly didn't know but she could see right through him.

"Y/n," she responded flatly, "what have you said or done."

He sighed, he knew someone was going to confront him about it, he just wasn't ready for it yet. Their little conversation was almost two weeks ago, and he hadn't bothered to talk to anyone about it.

He just couldn't, and he didn't even know why it broke him so hard.

"Nothing," his voice turned just as monotone and flat as hers.

"yes, she hasn't been doing well, she sin't herself and everybody knows it! For gods sake! All you two ever did was stare longingly at each other, and now she looks at you as if you've burned down her world while you stare at her as if you're looking at a broken china doll."

"I, I made a stupid mistake, but I can't set it right."

"That's the most bullshit reason ever."

"I just," he didn't know why was even considering telling June, he didn't know her and for all he knew she would just blab her mouth to Y/n, "I liked her, no, I- I still do. It's just, I don't know how we would work, and I came to that conclusion after."

"After what?"

"I kissed her," he looked at the dark brunette while her eyes widened, "And then I-I told her we couldn't be together, and left, I fucking left June!"

The dark haired girl stood speechless, she knew of her best friend's crush, of course, but what he did was extremely unexpected at least to her.

Her mouth hung to the floor and her eyes dropped open as if she saw light for the first time in years.

"I know," he sighed,, he already knew she would react like this, who wouldn't?

"Fix it," she said slowly and weirdly soft, gentle. "I know she still has the same feelings and by how sad you sound I'l guessing you do too."

She was right and he knew it, but how would he tell the most perfect girl in his eyes that he was what he was; a monster.

"I'll try."

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The next days Remus was building up courage to talk to her, but she was slowly giving up, she lost faith that maybe he felt the same. It was probably a stupid Marauder prank, it was meaningless.

But why did he kiss her so passionately?

"You've been staring at her for weeks! Please tell me you are finally planning to talk to her again," James pleaded, he was done with his friend being a mopping wolf all the time.

Just as were their other friends, he was always sour around the full moon and they respected it, but now he was sour all the time and even worse at the full moon, that was a few days ago.

"I am, actually. June talked to me while we were doing our prefect rounds, and she told me that Y/n stilled liked me and that I should just talk to her."

"Finally!!" a very dramatic Sirius exclaimed. Which did cause them to get a few weird looks but, they didn't mind, the sour wolf maybe would be gone!

When Remus saw his girl leave the great hall he stood up immediately, he wasn't going to let this opportunity pass.

But just as he was about to follow her he sank down again.

"What just happened, wasn't there supposed to be applause or a kiss or something?" Marlene asked, "Why did he sit back down?!"

"She wouldn't want to talk to me," Remus muttered, "she should just move on, I'm bad for her anyway."

"No way Moony! We aren't letting you throw away this chance again!"

"She's perfect for you! She'd understand, you just have to tell her!!"

"Alright," he mumbled, and stood up again. He was going to talk to her, and he wouldn't let it go badly again.

He almost ran out the great hall but his nerves slowed him a bit down. He searched everywhere, their common room, the kitchens and she was nowhere to be found. So, he was going to look at the last place, the Black Lake.

And that's where he found her sitting with a book in her hand, and head hung low, if he looked closely he thought he could even see a few tears.

"Y/n?" he asked, whispered more like.

Her head shot up from her book but didn't look at him, she just stared out before her at the lake. "What are you doing here?"

He swallowed hard, he knew he had hurt her but seeing her like this, red puffy eyes, anxiety marks on her neck, black circles under her eyes, and tear stains on her cheeks, made him realize how bad he hurt her.

"I- I wanted to talk to you," he sighed, nerves taking over him. He hadn't meant to hurt he, in fact he wanted to make her avoid the pain.

"Why?" she finally looked up at him, "You didn't bother for maybe a month?"

His heart broke even more if it could. He had ignored her for so long, but was so caught up in his self-misery that he didn't notice how she was also counting the days, hours... months, they didn't speak.

"I am sorry," he looked down, he couldn't look at her this moment. "I- I shouldn't have done that and-"

"So it was a prank?" she asked, but more like stated it, as if she expected it to be, "it looked fun to you to just walk up to someone and say you like them... kissing them. Does that seem like a prank to you?"

"It wasn't a prank!" his eyes were now also brimmed with a few tears, while hers were dried, she wouldn't cry in front of him, "did you really think I would do something like that? To you?"

He asked it, but her answer surprised him, " Yes."

The look of hurt plastered on his face grew, she noticed, "How could I not? When somebody says they like you, and even kiss you!, you don't expect them to say you can't be together! So the only explanations are: 1) it was a lie and the person didn't actually love you, 2) it was a prank.

You can't blame me for believing for a moment that you would pull a prank, you're a Marauder after all, maybe even the most brilliant one of them."

She was right, and he could follow her reasoning, it was true, but ti wasn't. It was true that he was a prankster and it could've been, but it wasn't because it just wasn't a prank.

"If I told you it wasn't a prank?" he looked at her, straight in her eyes, "Would you believe me?"

"I don't know," she whispered honestly, "why wouldn't you want to be with me then?"

He sighed, and looked at the ground, Remus couldn't tell her. he thought he was ready to tell her, but now he wasn't so sure.

"Would you really think I'm capable to do such a cruel joke?"

"Remus," she was broken and he could hear it in her voice, but it still sounded amazing how she spoke his name. "i don't, didn't think you would do something like that, but I believed it.

Because everything sounded better than settling on the fact that you..." her eyes filled with tears again, why did he have such an effect on him?!

"That I, what?" he asked gently, he was fighting the urge to just wipe away her tears, he couldn't stand how her beautiful eyes were filled with the salty liquid, and he was the reason what broke him even more.

"That you, you just didn't love me."

He was speechless, he hadn't expected that, yet he was also happy about it. She didn't really expect him to be awful, which was a relief. But if it broke her so much thinking he didn't love her, it would've meant she loved him back, right?

"I- I," he wanted to tell her, to shout it out but how her eyes filled with tears looked into his, he didn't find the words anymore. So, Remus did the only thing where he could express his feelings with without having to say anything.

Kissing her.

At first, she didn't kiss him back, he would probably just pull away and run... again.

But in the end she kissed him back, she just liked the feeling of his lips too much. And if he did run away again, she would at least have this kiss, again...

She started to pull away, but he didn't like that so he reached forward and kissed her even harder and more passionate than before.

Y/n melted in the kiss right away, untill they came in an uncomfortable position, he was leaning sideways as did she. So he pulled her of the ground and placed her in his lap. Where he wanted her to stay, for as long as he could have her;

The beautiful girl, now situated in his lap, pulled away though, after realizing he still didn't really explain himself.

"Why did-"

"I love you."

Now it was her turn to be stunned, "You," she spoke pointing at him, "like me?" she asked doubtfully, while now pointing at herself.

He mimicking her actions pointed at himself, "I love," he started then turned her finger to her, "you."

"Then why did you run away?" she asked.

"Because I was scared," he started honestly, it's now or never, "I was scared you would leave me-"

"But you left me."

"And that was the most stupid thing I have ever done," he chuckled softly and very embarrassed, but it made her chuckle a bit too. "I was scared, you'd be scared of me."

"Why would I be?" Y/n still situated in his lap, asked, putting her hands on his cheeks almost forcing him to look at her, "Can you give me a reason, why I should be scared?"

"I'm a monster Y/n, you deserve way more."

She hated how he talked about himself, she may not know why he thought so, but she knew it couldn't be that bad to make her think the same.

"You are way more than I deserve," why couldn't he just see that he was all she wanted, and that that'll never change, it'll be him in a heartbeat.

"No, you don't know that. You deserve someone, who could promise you the world a-and money, a stable life, a family and not some messed up," he took a deep breath, "a messed up me."

"Tell me then.

Tell me why you are, in your eyes, a messed up someone. Because in the end, it's my decision, if I want to be with you, who you really are with your flaws and your good habits. I'll love you either way."

"Y-you love me?"

"I do, I really do," she smiled sadly, and she pointed at herself, "I love," and while pointing at him she smiled, "you."

"I'm a werewolf."

"What?"

He sighed, he shouldn't have thought so stupidly! Of course she would be disappointed, his head fell and she could feel the tears on her shirt.

"Remus-"

"No, don't. Just don't."

"Remus, listen to me!" his head shot up at her, she had raised her voice but he couldn't spot anger he was confused, now more than ever.

"I'm sorry, if that came of wrong. I didn't mean it, as if I was disgusted, I just wasn't expecting it. I don't care, really. You aren't a monster, you're Remus Lupin, and to me you'll always be."

"But, I'm a-"

But before he could say his sentence she had herself pressed against him, her lips locked with his and her hands in his hair. She couldn't stand it, how he talked so badly about himself.

"Don't say that," she murmured against his lips.

"But, I am one, and you should scream at me and run a-and-"

"Shut up."

"You are not a monster, not to me. You can try to tell me o-or convince me other wise, but it won't work. It wont work. Not on me."

"I don't deserve you, we - I, i can't be with you..."

"No, you can," she stated, "Now it's just the question if you want to be with me. Because I do, I want to be with you and I can, if you let me in. If you would just let me love you.

Remus John Lupin, just let me love you."

"i want to, i so desperately want to be. But I can't let you throw away your life like that."

"I won't," her eyes were boring into his, her face was so close to his, and she looked so kissable, so sweet. Y/n couldn't understand when or how she could make him believe he was what she wanted. She would never, ever want someone else, just him and his love; like he had hers.

"if you love me enough to give me- us a chance, let me know. Because I can't deal with the idea of you not loving me, not being this close to you as I am now. I want to show you that you are and can be loved, everybody who doesn't is daft. Let me love you, please."

His breath was short and a bit delayed, his eyes were watery but his smile was permanently pasted on his face. "I want to be with you," he finally whispered while already dipping his head a bit down to capture her lips between his.

"But, can you be with me? Because you can want to, but are you ready to let me love and care for you? To tell about your werewolf antics, because I want to be there for you.

I don't care what you are, to me you'll always be Remus Lupin, even when you are undergoing your problems.

That's what you do for the ones you love..."

"I can be with you," he stated. He had never been more sure about anything. "I want to be with you, and I'll love you till the end of the line. i just don't want you to get hurt."

"i won't," she promised with a soft peck on his kissable lips, "I won't bring me or you in danger, but I'll be waiting every morning after a full moon and i'll love you either way."

"I love you"

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It had been a few weeks since then. Both couldn't have been happier.

Remus couldn't stop himself from smiling at her every time they passed or he could just see her, his girlfriend.

At first they went on a few dates but he couldn't bare it to not call her his, so he made Y/n his, and his only.

They hadn't told their friends yet, of course everyone noticed the change of mood in the both of them but if someone asked they just shrugged or gave very vague answers.

"Soooo...?"

Remus went straight to his dorm after their rendez-vous, he couldn't bring the smile of his face. They loved each other and he could be open about his problems, they kissed and laughed, they kissed a bit more, and laughed even more...

"What?" the tall boy asked.

"What?" James mimicked, "Tell us!!"

"there's nothing to tell." he shrugged. Very amused at his best friends' interest.

"Moony!!"

Of course Y/n couldn't keep it from June though.

"He asked!" the hufflepuff screamed when she plopped down on her bed next to June's.

"WHo did what?"

"remus, he asked me to be his-"

"Girlfriend?!"

Y/n didn't even respond she squealled with a dreamy smile on her face. June her response was jumping on top of her friend's bed squealling along with her.

"How did he do it?"

"Well,

we were walking around Hogsmeade, and we saw a lake. I started tugging on his arm saying I wanted to ice skate. He laughed at me, but not mean, you know just his dreamy, cute little sm-"

"You're going off topic Y/n!!"

"Right," she said clearing her throat, "we transfigured our shoes to ice skates, and just skated for a while. At first I wasn't that good but he always held my hand so I wouldn't fall and such. Then he told me he had something special he wanted to do, so I skated to the edge while he started making this ridiculous moves.

But then he signed me to come closer again, and I looked down to see he had spelled 'Be mine?' on the ice!!!"

"Oh My Helga!!"

"Moony you've been awfully happy for a full moon Today," Peter said next to him.

"That's because today is special."

"How come."

"be-"

When he started his sentence the door opened behind them and he turned around, making eye contact with the prettiest girl he had ever seen, his girlfriend.

"because I have my girlfriend," he sighed softly. Before walking up to Y/n who had stood still once they made eye contact.

"hi love," he whispered in her shoulder, after he pulled her in a hug.

"He-" but she was cut of be him pressing their lips together again. She just melted into it, ignoring the shouts and whistles from the other students, she was his and he was hers. She didn't care if they could see that, because all that mattered anyway was him and her, them.

"MOONY! I FEEL BETRAYED!!"

You're not alone Siri."

"Why didn't we know?!"

"Let them be!!"

"But Lily-Flower! They just kissed and are still staring in each other eyes while whispering and-"

"It's true love!!"

A smirk came up on James' face, "Like we are?"

She just blushed shaking her head and heading for a table.

"She is right though," Remus whispered to his love, "You are my one true love.

And you'll always be."

A/n

Okay I actually really liked this!! I was supposed to be doing homework but...

Hope you enjoyed! have a great day!!

also the last seen from Lily saying "it's true love" reminded me of this gif...

:)))))

Also reminder to:

@anonymousbabygirl13-blog

Hope you enjoy!

236 notes · View notes

finelinevogue · 3 years

Note

the fact that Y/N has post natal depression Is somewhat refreshing idk I just don't see it talked about much on here and if it is it's like Hella angsty and the partner doesn't understand what it is but I was wondering if u could touch on it a bit more cause it's something I'm really scared about happening to me and I just want harry to hold me and tell me it's going be okay 😚😚😚😚

P.s. if u don't wanna it's understandable

anon: can u write about harry helping y/n through her ppd maybe like the 3rd time was so bad that h decide that he won’t be having more children

so this was requested twice so i would love to be able to write this for you both, hope this is okay - mind it’s heavily angsty!;

tw: vomiting, ppd and od

oli - 4, felix - 3, belle - 12 weeks

Motherhood was really fucking hard.

The birth of your newly born daughter, Isabella, had really taken a back pedal on your mental health. You had suffered with post natal depression after the birth of your two sons, but nothing as bad as this.

It had hit you around the 7 week mark after giving birth. The pregnancy itself was okay, even though she was slightly premature, but it was after you’d taken her home that it’d all spiralled downhill. It started with complications with her breastfeeding - like she was rejecting the milk that you had produced. It hurt to see her reject you and your body, finding more comfort in drinking from a pre-made milk bottle as her dad rocked her to sleep. You recall the evening so clearly and felt like an utter failure as you watched her drink a bottle of formula for the first time.

“Ssh ssh,” Harry cooed to your 7 week old daughter as he rocked her in his arms on the rocking chair in her nursery. She was whining because she was hungry, but the problem was that she wasn’t accepting your milk. She hadn’t been accepting your milk all day and now it was becoming dangerous for you to keep on saying ‘Oh i’ll just try later.’ Harry had told you to make a formula bottle for her. “Mummy’s coming.”

As much as you didn’t want to, you were walking back to the nursery with a warm bottle in your hands. You’d tested it on your hand to make sure it wasn’t too hot and then taken a sip to taste it, out of jealousy, and you thought that it didn’t taste any different to you. Then again you’re not a 7 week old human whose only date is milk.

“Look here’s mummy with your yummy milk, okay? Look Belles!” Harry cooed at his darling angel and you only wished he wasn’t as happy for her as he was.

“Yeah.” You spoke softly, handing him the bottle and standing nearby, part of you hoping that she would reject this too and she wasn’t just rejecting you.

But no, she drank the formula like it was her last meal.

“Such a sweet girl, aren’t you?” Harry praised her, watching her in awe as she kept on drinking the formula. Watching as she was drinking to become the strong girl you knew she’d become. It just hurt that it wasn’t you that could help her become that.

You felt powerless. Worthless, even. The one thing that you had carried the weight of your breasts around to do and you couldn’t even do it. Your nipples were so sore and your breasts ached so badly and it was all for nothing. Perhaps it was punishment for being such a bad mum. Perhaps you’d never been good enough for this job and it was your bodies way of shutting you down forever. You wouldn’t need the ability to produce milk anymore, because you weren’t worth the title of becoming one again. You wanted to be happy for your little one, seeing her happy but all you felt was rejection and sadness. She didn’t think you were good enough to be her mum and that really hurt.

Along with the breastmilk problem, Belle also became very stubborn when you wanted to change her nappy. Anytime you tried to change and help her she put up a fuss, kicking her legs and sometimes she would bite or hit you away. It was just a reminder that you weren’t a good enough mum for her and that she didn’t feel safe enough around you. She didn’t find comfort in your presence and she was so fussy about what you did around her. With Harry, though, she was an angel. She loved him so much and obviously he made her feel so loved and safe - something you’d clearly never be able to give her.

There was also the chores of being a mother to your other two sons too. Oli and Felix were old enough to understand that they had a baby sister, but they weren’t old enough to understand how miserable you were. Harry wasn’t even able to figure it out yet. You tried your best to put on your bravest face, knowing that your family needed you to be strong but the truth was that you were crumbling on the inside. You were feeling less and less like yourself and you were waiting for the moment when you’d completely fall apart. Nothing felt right anymore. Everything was just numb.

“You two boys okay?”

You walked into the children’s playroom see that they were sat at the little table colouring in. Felix’s little legs dangled slightly, whereas Oli’s legs touched the floor and it made your heart swell at how big they were both getting.

“Yep!” Oli cheered, scribbling with his left hand as his tiny tongue stuck out from his lips as he concentrated - a habit passed onto him from his father.

“What are you both drawing?” You asked, coming over and kneeling on the floor beside them and having a peek at their drawings.

“We’re colouring for daddy.” Felix answered, some of the words not being pronounced properly due to his young lisp and lack of being taught how to say things correctly yet.

His words stung though. You appreciated that he was only a toddler and he meant nothing evil or malicious by it, but it hurt to think that maybe, just maybe, your sons were doing this for their dad because he did so much more for them than you did. Of course you tried to be the best mum you could, but maybe you weren’t doing enough. Maybe you weren’t meant to be a mum after all, or at least not a good one.

“O-oh,” you tried to hold back the tears in your eyes because your boys looked so proud at their artwork - and you should be too. “Tell me about them then, my loves.”

Oli went first, “So this is me and this is Oli and this is dad. It’s us playing football like we did the other day, mummy.” He pointed out to each of the figures, some looking actually quite terrifying but you’d never have the heart to tell him that. The figures were all holding hands though and it hurt to think that you weren’t a part of that.

“Oh that’s so good Ols!” you rubbed his head of hair and then turned to Felix’s, “What about you Fix?”

“I drew daddy as the best.” He pointed to a trophy that the figure - more like a stick-man-slenderman - was holding, which was decorated with the award of ‘my hero’.

“I told him to write hero, mummy.” Oli added, and you smiled at both of them.

“Well done. Good job both of you. Daddy will love these!” You only wished that they would draw something for you. You hated to think that you were being petty, but honestly you just wanted to feel loved. “Shall I go cut up some apple for a snack, hey?” You asked, trying to feel useful.

“Daddy is making us smoothies!” Felix answered and you had to stand up, up and away from their heigh, so they didn’t catch the tears in your eyes.

“Okay! Don’t forget to give him those pictures - he’ll love those.” You praised them and they both giggled to each other.

The sight of your sons laughing should’ve made you so happy, but it only reminded you that you weren’t the source of their happiness. You weren’t on their mind enough to be their inspiration for drawings. You definitely weren’t their hero. You were just a woman to them, not a mum. You wanted to be so much more but it was clear that they didn’t need you. They were loved by their dad and each other, not in need of your heart.

Eventually Belle settled down and was sleeping better through the night, leaving you and Harry to much more peaceful nights sleep. Well, just Harry.

You had found it near impossible to get to sleep now. You lay awake at night wondering when Belle would next wake up, wondering when she’d next need you. Harry was always quick out of bed though, even if he actually was sleeping, to help her ordering you to stay in bed and rest yourself. You couldn’t help feel like he was telling you to stay put because he knew you wouldn’t be able to do your job properly - and you started to believe him.

You’d found yourself getting jealous of those that could get to sleep. When you were walking down the road you’d judge a person by how much sleep they looked like they got last night. You definitely looked like you only had 2 hours - even when you’d only had 37 minutes but who’s counting? Your dark circles were heavily noticeable, but no one cared enough to ask. Even Harry stayed clear of you more and more often; spending more time with the kids than you and sleeping on his side of the bed instead of yours at nighttime.

There had been one evening where you had been so restless that Harry had gotten so frustrated and left the room, with a blanket and a pillow, and slept on the couch. You’d never felt so much like a burden than that night. Your family was rejecting you and you felt like a failure. You were a success at failing in everything. The meals you cooked went half eaten by everyone because you would’ve forgotten to add a key ingredient. The children preferred to spend more time playing with their dad because you weren’t energised enough to play the games they wanted to. Your daughter still rejected your milk. It was all too much and you just wanted one nights peace for it to change.

Last night had been that night.

Fuck these were so addicting. You were finally getting the sleep that you so badly craved, only with the help of tablets.

You wanted the sleep because that was the one place you could escape to. You needed that escape to help you get out of bed the next morning. Life was too hard for you to not dream, and without dreaming you didn’t want life.

It started off with taking one every night before bed, but then they stopped working again, so you started taking two, then three. Four was obviously where your body hit its limit.

“Mummy? Can you come tuck me in please?” Oli asked, little toy giraffe in hand and shaking you in hopes of waking you up to send him peacefully off to sleep.

You’d gone to bed a bit earlier tonight, lying saying that you were extremely exhausted. Harry said he would be able to handle things and that’s when you excitedly ran upstairs to take your pills; 4 of them. You’d made it into your bed, feeling slightly drowsy after completing your nighttime routine, but then you started to feel unwell and really ill. Before you’d passed out you’d stuck your fingers down your throat in hopes to make the feeling in your stomach disappear, but it ended up you throwing up all over the bed and pass out right there.

“Mummy! Wake up!” Oli rattled your back, but you were still unresponsive.

Oli padded out of the room and down to his sisters room where he knew his dad was. Belle was being extra fussy this evening and Harry suspected it had everything to do with you retiring early. He heard Oli come into the room just as he’d gotten Belle down.

“Y’alright buddy?” Harry whispered, tip-toeing out of Belle’s room, leaving the door open slightly, and crouched down in front of him.

“No. Mummy’s not waking up.” Oli pouted, rubbing a tired fist over his eye.

“She’s probably in dreamland, bud. She was really tired today.”

“She’s really tired all of the times.”

“I know, Ol.” Because Harry did know, but he was too much of a coward to face up to the problem. The doctors had said that post natal depression can strengthen with every birthed child, but he was too blind sighted by the fact that you’d overcome the first birthed post natal depression so quickly, and was so in love with his baby girl, that he didn’t truly see how bad things had gotten. Harry had tried giving you some space, distancing himself from you in bed and spending more time with the kids so you could relax and rest up, but nothing seemed to be working. He was surprised, actually, that you’d been having better sleep recently and so was hopeful that maybe the worst of the depression was over.

Hell, was he so wrong.

“Go to bed, bud okay? I’ll be there in a minute.”

“Wake mummy up so she can give me a kiss.”

“I’ll try little man, alright?” Harry scuffed his sons hair and then watched him walk off to his room.

Harry walked into your dark room, the air smelling slightly sour, and walked around to your side of the bed. He sat down next to you sighed heavily. He needed to speak to you, no matter how tired or angry you’d be with him. He was losing you as a wife and a mother and a soulmate and a lover. He was just losing you, just as you were losing yourself and he was doing tip-toeing around the problem any longer. He was going to try and make this better. He was going to better understand how you were feeling in order to help you.

“Baby?” He spoke softly, nudging you gently, “Baby wake up.” No response. “Y/N, my love? Wake up for me darling, need to speak with you.” Normally you would’ve stirred by now but there was still nothing. “Y/N?” Harry shook you a bit more urgently now - one that would surely wake even the deepest of sleepers. “Y/N!” He shouted, perhaps a bit too loudly for the comfort of his children.

He turned you over and that’s when he knew this was very, very, bad.

Your face was pale grey and your mouth was covered in the remains of vomit, and he suddenly understood the gross sour smell from before. Your hair was greasy and stuck all in the wet sick all over your face. Your eyes were puffy from the remains of tears. You looked dead.

“No, no, no. Y/N! No you don’t.” Harry’s eyes starting weeping and he couldn’t think straight. He checked your pulse on your wrist and timed it - it was unhealthily faint. He wouldn’t be surprised if you were in your last beats of your heart. His tears and sobs were uncontrollable, but he had to be both strong for you and his children, as well as for him. “Fuck sake pull yourself together Harry. Okay, baby hold on please. Okay? You don’t get to leave me like this, you hear me? I love you so much, baby. Fuck i’m so sorry.” He gently placed your head back down on the pillow and pulled out his phone.

999

“What’s your emergency?”

“I need a-an ambulance p-please. I-I think my wife i-is dying.”

The rest of it was a blur for Harry. Him trying to wake you up. The ambulance arriving. Oli and Felix crying when they saw you being carried away on a stretcher. Belle’s deafening screams. Harry’s heart beating for the both of you.

Beep. Beep. Beep.

It was the rhythmic beeping sounds that woke you up.

Your whole body felt achey and sore, your head a pounding mess. You opened your eyes slowly, adjusting them to the light of the room. You expected to see the family photo on the wall opposite you and the white of your curtains, but you were met with a heart-monitor machine and a hospital bed instead. You looked down at your body and noticed a cannula in your arm, making you squirm because you hated stuff like that so much. Your nose had a tube running inside it too, feeding you the oxygen your lungs weren’t receiving properly.

It then dawned on you how you weren’t in the room alone. You saw a sleeping Anne and Gemma on the chairs in the far corner, with Felix and Oli tucked against their sides - Anne with Oli and Felix with Gemma. It was so cute to see them so cuddled up close. They looked peaceful. You took note of the baby pram that was at the end of your bed, most likely playing bed to your beautiful daughter. Your mind felt lost. You can’t really remember what had happened, apart from taking four of those sleeping pills. You fully remember the weight of feeling worthless and useless as both a mum and a wife, though, and that feeling was still very prominent.

Your eyes lastly landed to the side of you, where Harry was sat but also laid on your bed. The top of half of his body laid upon the bed, his head buried onto this arm deep within the bed, whilst his bottom stayed rooted to the chair. His hand was holding yours tightly, which was a sign that he wasn’t asleep. You were so scared to face him though. You had failed him, again and again and you weren’t sure whether you could be enough for him anymore. Enough for your family anymore.

You squeezed his hand three times saying ‘I love you.’

“Y/N,” He whispered so hoarsely, but you were so focused on him to even catch it. He looked ruined, and you’d done that to him. His eyes were dark and tired, but also red and puffy from where he’d been crying. His hair was a mess and you could tell it hadn’t been washed in a while. How long had you been out for? You felt rested in your sleep, but not in your mind or your heart.

“I—” Your breathe got caught in your throat, but you persevered to finish your words. He deserved to here them. “I’m sorry.” You were whispering so you didn’t disturb anyone else in the room.

“No, stop it. I’m sorry baby.”

“Harry don’t, you don’t have anyt—”

“Stop yes I do I—”

“Harry please you don’t owe—”

“Y/N listen!” He cut the little volley-conversation and ordered you to just stop. You started crying when you saw that he was too. “Whatever you’re going to say, don’t. Whatever you’re thinking, stop it right now. Because I love you. Fuck, I do. I love you so much that when I found you unconscious in a pile of your own sick thinking you were dead, my only thought was that I wished it were me instead”.

“Harry, you don’t mean—”

“My god Y/N! You don’t get it, do you? I would do anything to switch places with you right now. I would suffer a thousand times over if it meant you were okay. I’d suffer in hell for you. Nobody else but you has ever made me feel like this. I married you because I love you and I want to wake up next to you every day of my beating hearts life. I chose to have children with you, because I knew how great of a mum you’d be and what beautiful people you’d help bring up into the world—”

“But i’m not.” You cut Harry short, trying to pull your hand away from him but he didn’t let you - only tightening his grip and pulling himself closer towards you. He was so close you could kiss him.

“Not what?” He asked, although he already knew the answer. You’d both had this conversation before, but you were both tired of it and were ready for it to be your last now.

“A good mum. I’m- i’m not a good mum or wife, Harry and i’m sorry.”

“I told you not say it and stop thinking it, because you’re completely wrong Y/N. You’re a good mother and a good wife, because you are a good person.”

“But i’m not great.” You whimpered, thinking back to the drawings your Oli and Felix had done. “I’m not the best.”

“But you don’t have to be, baby. You see our beautiful, healthy, happy and safe babies over there?” Harry turned to look at them, love in his eyes as in yours. “They wouldn’t be all those things, no matter how you feel about yourself, without you. I could never have brought them up to be half the people they are without you by my side, the way you make me a better person. You claim you don’t got this, but baby you’re already doing it and have been doing it for 5 years with our children and so much longer with me.”

“I’m just so fucked up Harry.” Your head tilted back on the pillow as you got heavily emotional over the situation.

Harry shook his head and moved his hand to cup the back of your neck, moving your head forwards until it met his. The touch of his skin against yours, no matter where and how small, made you feel alive and you’d missed him and that feeling so much. You missed loving him so much.

“Listen to me.” He ordered, keeping you still. “You are strong and you are brave Y/N Styles. No matter what you tell yourself I will be here every goddamn day of my life, if I have to, to remind you that you are worth more than your fucking weight in gold. You are my heart. You are my soul and the mother to my greatest achievements. I know they are yours too, just as I know I am your heart.

“You are.” You whispered so quietly under your breathe, but Harrys heart warmed when he caught you saying it. He knew though.

“Just let me love you. Let me be there for you. If you want medication then let’s do it, and i’ll be there for every step of the way. If you want to go to a rehabilitation centre for a bit, that’s okay we can—”

You shook your head and licked the tears away from your face. You were both such tearful messes, but the love between you was undeniable. “No, no please, no.”

“Okay, okay, love. We won’t. See, you’re okay. I promise, you’re okay. Stay with me, yeah? I’ll love you and keep you safe, just as you will me.”

“Promise.” You told him sincerely. He brought his lips to yours with that single word. He was so proud of your for being so brave and strong. He wishes he was half the person you were. His lips conveyed those thoughts of his and you could taste the love and passion burning through his heart and out on to his lips. He tasted like home. z he was home. Your lips smacked together messily, but you didn’t care because you loved each other too much and had kissed each other even more. Once you pulled back he stayed close to you, smiling at you with such awe. “I think.. I think I want to try medication please.”

Harry didn’t say ‘okay’ or ‘sure thing’, no. He said four words that meant more to you in that moment that any others in the universe. More than saying ‘I love you.’ Words that reminded you that not everything is okay and that sucks really bad, but you’re doing your best to get through it. It was a reminder that you had so many people who loved you and cared for you. It was a gun at the starting line symbolising that the journey ahead wasn’t going to be easy, but worth it.

“I’m proud of you.”

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