#honestly the fact that people ENJOY my writing is still so weird to me

[mrsrdlw]

The “first date”

summary: After figuring out you liked each other, you and Eddie started dating. Your first interaction wasn’t the way he planned, so he decided to take you out on a proper date.

warnings: MDNI 18+; virgin!reader; fluff; some nerdy references (star wars troop); oral!fem!receiving; shitty writing- sorry about that.

author’s note: Hey guys, i saw how much everyone enjoyed Eddie’s Valentine story so i decided to make a second part. It took me longer then i thought to post this, but my classes at college just started so i’m still adjusting my schedule.

After what happened, you spent the rest of the morning talking in bed. You couldn't believe you actually got the courage to make a move on him. Even if it was to offer a little help with his "issue". And this was one of the many things that surprised you today. The fact that Eddie liked you back was insane. In your mind, Eddie only saw you as a girl friend. A girl he could talk about everything and nothing. Of course sometimes you caught him looking at you in was different way, but you didn't want to get delusional.

And for Eddie, he was meaning to make a move on you since he realized he was head over heels for you. But he honestly thought you would say it was way too weird to be with him this way. In a romantic way. But what is best then dating your best friend. The only thing that changed was the intimacy of things. So that's why he'd never said anything. Till this day.

"How come both of us liked each other but never did anything?" Eddie asked with one arm under his head and the other wrapped around your waist. You were laying on his chest, listening to his heart beating. You don't know how to feel about this yet. Forty minutes ago, you were still "just friends". And now you're all over each other.

"I guess i was just so scared to lose my best friend that I stayed quiet. It was better to have you in that way than not having you at all." You were being honest with yourself and with him, trying to figure it out why have you kept these feelings as a secret.

"Well i'm glad you released your horny devil today" That made you laugh and he joined you. "But to be honest, it's not how i imagined."

"What do you mean?" You got up on your elbows to see his face, a little scared from his confession. Didn't he just said that he liked it?

"I actually imagined that i would have the guts to ask you out and take you in a very nice date. Very romantic. And then, after the normal stuff normal people do, i could actually try to kiss you. But i guess we're not normal." With your eyes locked, he caressed your cheek.

"Yeah, here we start being naughty!" You said in a playful tone with a wicked grin that only made him laugh. You always loved his smile.

"I guess because we took things a little too fast, this is still kind of... unbelievable for me. Do you feel it too?" You asked, concerned you're the only one feeling this.

"Yeah. Kind of. It feels like it's a dream, right?" He asked and you nodded. "But i'm sure this is going to be as normal as last night was. It's just a matter of time. Also, just in case you didn’t realize it yet, you're my girlfriend now lady, you're stuck with me."

"Oh no! What am i gonna do?" You got out of his chest dramatically and he grabbed you again making you laugh

"Really sweetheart, i don't want you to think you'll have to act differently or anything like that. I don't want you to. I like you the way you are. All goofy and funny and sweet ." He said looking at your lips

"Look at you, all over me, aren't ya?" You said as if you weren't feeling the same

"Yeah, you got me."

After that day, you've been dating, and you couldn't be happier. You waited the whole week for saturday, which was the day of your first official date. That's how Eddie called it. Of course, he didn't want to forget what happened in that morning. But he wanted you to feel extra special. Not just some random girl.

So, he decided to take you to the drive in. This events normally happened at summer, but it was just what he wanted. Something simple, but romantic, where you two could spend time together, watching movies and maybe make out in the middle of it. It was a part of your routine together, watching movies. So, in his head, this would make you both very comfortable with the whole situation of the 'first date'.

He parked his van in front of your house right on time. He pressed the doorbell and there you were. With a cute sweater and a skirt. He loved when you wore skirts. It made your legs look so tempting.

"What do you think? Fancy enough for you mister?" You said looking down at your clothes.

"Oh my lady, you look very fancy. Come on, give me a twirl." You did it and, dramatic in his own way, he put his hand on his chest "You look amazing, sweetheart."

"Thank you, Eds" He always loved when you called him like that. Now, it was even more special.

He drove you both to the location. Even though there was a lot of cars in front of you, you had a great view of the screen. It was only ten minutes before the movie started, so he went to buy you some snacks and drinks to survive through the night. It was a marathon of star wars. The three movies. "A New Hope", "The Empire Strikes Back" and "Return of the Jedi".

The sun was starting to set when he came back. His curls in the golden light just made him look more like an angel to you.

"Here you go. I'm pretty sure we can survive with this, but if you want more, just tell me, a'right?" He insisted on buying the food, not letting you pay for anything

"That's perfect, thanks!"

Through the first movie, you didn't say a word, trying to understand everything in the movie. You always found it very confusing. Alright, maybe you were containing yourself to not put your hand on his thigh or your head on his shoulder.

Eddie also stayed in silence, too anxious to do something and fuck up the night. It was not his thing, getting anxious about girls. It was actually something he was confident. But with you, was a whole different story. He wanted to be closer to you. He was trying to find a way to get you to stay closer to him without being desperate. So he started putting one hand in your thigh. Your warm skin contrasted with his cold hand. He didn't missed the way your eyes went wide the second he touched you.

They gave a break of ten minutes to start the second movie. Now it was dark outside.

"Are you sure you don't want anything else? There is a big line there but i can go, if you want." He still had his hand on your tight.

"Yes, there is enough here." You assured him. You could see he was nervous. He’d made the first move… you could only follow his lead. "I'm just wondering here. This is a date, right?"

"Yes..."

"Don't you think this big space between us is useless? You can get closer Eddie." You said leaving his cheeks with the cutest shade of red

"I'm sorry, i didn't wanted to be too desperate" He said putting his arm around your shoulder and, without thinking too much, you placed your head on his shoulder. Eddie was in heaven. He had the girl of his dreams right by his side.

In the middle of the second movie you were still in the same position. You decided to move but, with the sudden shift, you exchanged looks. For the first time of the night, you were inches away from his lips. You couldn't help but want to kiss him so bad. Feeling the same as you, Eddie placed his hand on your cheek and brought you closer until your lips met. His lips were soft. His scent invaded your nose.

Your kiss changed from passionate to desperate very quickly. Your hands got greedy, wanting to touch him everywhere you could. In need to breathe, you separate. Panting in each other's mouth, Eddie hold your face with his both hands.

"I'm sorry sweetheart, i think we can't stay this close. I can't hold myself." He said making you smile.

"I don't think we're going to be able to pay attention on the movie anymore." Giggling, you hold his hands. "What if i said that i don't want you to control yourself?"

He separated a bit more so he could look inside your eyes. His eyes were wide open, shocked.

"I know you wanted to be a gentleman and all, but i've been thinking about this for the whole week. And remember that little horny devil? He's greedy now. More than ever." You said pressing your tights together. You weren't lying. Since he said he was going to take you on a date, you've been expecting for all the things that could happen. And you wanted to.

He was speechless. It was cute.

"I know, maybe i'm being too excited about everything. But i want it and i thought that if i had to wait for you to make a move, we would do it on the seventh date or something" He giggled at that. You were right, he thought. He wanted that too. But he would never force you to do something he knows that you didn't have much experience and you could be a little insecure. He wanted you to feel safe. He finally said something.

"Are you sure? I told you, remember? We don't have to do anything you don't want to. Especially when we're in this kind of ‘first date’ situation where we feel like we have to do stuff." You kissed him again. All you wanted was him.

"I'm sure. You said yourself remember. We’re not like the normal couples."

"Really? You know, we're in a public place ma'am. You little perv." He said making you both laugh

"So... What are your moves, huh? Gonna do it here with my clothes on or you're going to take me to the back?" You pulled his shirt to you and kissed him again.

He took your hand and pulled you to the back of the van. There was some pillows and blankets on the back.

"You were planning to do this?" You asked getting closer to him again

"I was going to take you to stargaze, actually. But you turned me on now. We'll do it later, kay?" And he kissed you.

Your kiss, like before, was hot. Craving for each other's touch. You couldn’t help but smile at the situation. Two horny teenagers in the back of a van making out like your life depends on it. Your hands travel through his chest down to his lower belly, pulling his shirt up.

"I honestly don't believe you when you say to me you're a virgin" You giggle to his reaction but stoped immediately. With his shirt off, his bare torso was in front of you. The black ink contrasting with the pale skin. You could keep looking at him shirtless for hours. But you wanted something else.

He changed your positions and looked in your eyes one more time, asking for your permission. You give it to him not thinking twice. So he takes your sweater and skirt off, leaving you only with your underwear. Thank god i piked matching ones today, you think to yourself. He kept looking to the white cotton set you chose.

“They’re pretty cute” He said earning a slap from you. “Sorry. I meant it, though.”

Smiling at him, you pulled him closer again by his necklace hanging above you only to stop inches from his lips.

“Why don’t you take ‘em off and see how cute i am without any clothes?” You said proud of yourself for being this bold. His reaction was priceless.

His hands were caressing you carefully, every move with love and affection. With you naked in front of him, his instinct was to drown himself in your neck, your chest, belly. Kissing all over your skin, making you squirm. You could feel his body heat hovering over you. Too overwhelmed by his actions, you try to take his pants off. You needed him.

“Easy there. I think we have plenty of time sweetheart.” He said taking your hands in his. He only laughed at the way you pouted. “I want to make you feel good. So why don’t you lay here and relax?” He dropped your hands, not before kissing them, and went down on your body. “It’s the only thing i could do after what you did for me last week. You were so good.” His warm breath hovered your mound and you twitched.

Not wasting any more time, he licked your clit and you gasped. You’ve never got head before. This was a new different thing for you. But oh, how you loved it. You’ve only felt some kind of pleasure there by your own fingers. But the way Eddie’s tongue kept moving and twisting around, it was a new addiction to your list. Your hands were attached to the blanket under you. You were trying so hard to not let any sound slip from your lips.

“Does it feel good?” He changed his tongue for his fingers and smiled to see you struggling to keep quiet. Not able to speak, you only nodded. Deciding to push things a little bit, he thrust his tongue inside you and you couldn’t hold the moan that came from your throat. Eddie lost his mind. He grew his movements faster than before, wanting to hear that again. He was glad that you only let them out now, or he would’ve cum in his pants by then.

Everything was so good. His tongue and fingers on your pussy and his free hand pressing your hip down so you kept quiet in place. His burning gaze on you, his hair tickling your thighs. His hot breath coming out of his nose and hitting your mound. You couldn’t take it anymore. You stopped him and pulled him up. He was confused until you kissed him. You could feel your taste on his tongue and how his chin was wet by your own slick.

“I-I need you inside me” You said gasping for air. Eddie felt his cock twitch in his boxers. Your voice was hoarse by pleasure.

He took off his jeans and boxers, almost falling down. You giggled at his tongue poking out while he searched through his wallet for a condom. “I hope this is not in there for five years. You know, condoms can expire” You joke trying to act casual seeing his dick again.

“Ha ha, very funny missy.” His voice full of sarcasm only made you laugh. He was crawling his way up to you when you both heard it. Dart Vader’s imperial march was playing. Probably the last movie had just started. You cracked, laughing hard at the situation. You even forgot where you were.

“Who are we kidding, of course in our first time having sex, Dart Vader is going to be marching towards us. It’s your fault” He said playfully

“My fault?! Why?” You asked amused

“Because you’re goofy. There’s no other reason.” You looked inside his eyes. Both of you still smiling. You just had to squeeze his arm so he knew he could move. And that’s what he did.

Slowly, his ran his tip against your wet folds and thrusted inside you. You closed your eyes, feeling his length stretching you open. It burned, making tears swell up in your eyes. Once he bottomed out, you both moaned. Giving you a few seconds to get accustomed to this new feeling, he caressed your waist, grounding you back to him.

He started to thrust slowly into you. It felt like your lungs were out of air. With each thrust of his hips, that started to get a rhythm. The muscles of his arms were flexed, his necklace was swinging, and the hands that before were caressing you, were now holding your hips for goddamn life.

“Holy fuck, you’re so tight” His eyes closed for a second, trying to hold his load a little longer. You watched every move of his. He looked amazing. It didn’t take much time for his dick to reach that spot you struggled to find. It drove you crazy. You arched your back and that made Eddie go faster. You were biting your lip but it wasn’t working anymore. If there was anyone around the van, they would probably hear your moans.

Eddie was also a mess. He wanted to freeze this moment in his mind forever. You looked perfect to him. The sounds you were making, his eyes were rolling back. Your boobs were bouncing up and down with each thrust of his. He looked down where your bodies met and saw the bulge in your lower belly, he didn’t know how long he would take.

“You’re doing so good sweetheart” He pressed kisses on your neck. You weren’t able to talk, but you pulled his hair bringing him closer to you, if that was possible. He groaned feeling you clench around him. He could feel how close you were. Once again, he massaged your clit bringing you to the edge. “Come on princess, cum for me. Just let it go” and with that, you were gone.

“Fuck Eddie” Was the only thing you said.

Eddie, Eddie, Eddie

You could only think of him. Your nails scratched his back, your feet pressing on his but so he could go even deeper. Your orgasm washed all over you. With you clenching impossibly tighter around him, Eddie was also gone, cumming hard, biting on your shoulder to control his grutal moans.

When your breathing went back to normal with time, he came out of you taking off his condom and laying by your side.

“You think the van bounced too much?” He said breaking the silence. You laughed at his silliness.

“No. Otherwise people would have come here to ruin everything.” You look at him but he was already looking at you. “They might’ve heard us, though.”

“Nah, they’re nerdy people. They’re probably fantasizing about princess Leia now.” As if if wasn’t a nerd too. “You want to get out of here and go stargazing” He said putting a lock of hair behind your ear.

“That was the plan, wasn’t it?” You pecked him on the lips and got up to put your clothes back on.

And that’s how you wrap up the night. He drove you both to a place where you could see the stars. You kept talking and eating the rest of your candy from the movie. Your first date couldn’t be more perfect than that

[maxlarens]

hello jack doohan lovers. pls excuse any weird characterisation etc, i’ve never written jack before and am writing this because @coff33andb00ks gave me brain worms about this idea for jack x oscar’s childhood bsf!reader:

Oscar’s your friend. Your oldest friend in fact.

Which is to say you’re proud of him and his big boy job as a Formula One driver. And, of course, you’re endlessly grateful for the opportunity to follow him around the world in return for your services as his social media lackey. It’s a job you enjoy even. Which is not to say that you’ve got any kind of ulterior motive to show up on race weekends—

Nope. None at all!

It’s certainly got nothing at all to do with the fellow Australian Flynn Rider-lookalike that hangs around Alpine hospitality. Nothing whatsoever.

Jack Doohan isn’t even on your radar. And you certainly don’t keep an eye out for a flash of warm brown hair or that Roman nose of his. The familiar Australian accent in a crowd, grey-blue eyes shining in the sun, the tooth that often catches on his bottom lip—

No. You don’t pay attention to Jack Doohan at all.

Well, at least not as far as Oscar is concerned.

Cootie-ridden, annoying, pain-in-your-arse, Oscar.

Who as far as you know, thinks you’re still seven years old and pushing him into the sandpit in your parent’s backyard. Who honestly thinks all boys look at you and still see the little girl with pigtail braids who used to play race-cars with him. Which, well, is the same way you look at Oscar and see the kid who used to pick his boogers and spend hours reading his favourite racing magazine to you when you just wanted to play Barbies.

So whatever, you’re even—

You think his girlfriend is crazy for being in love with him and he doesn’t think Jack Doohan has a crush on you.

Oh yeah: you think Jack Doohan has a crush on you. Or you might have a crush on Jack Doohan, who’s to say?

It’s really not some baseless accusation you’re spouting with no evidence. Again, Oscar just thinks you still have cooties. And, okay, y’know what, see for yourself—

You swear this time you’re only outside Alpine hospitality on accident. Oscar and Lando are wrapped up in some McLaren PR thing and you’re filming B-roll of the paddock to use in a reel you’re thinking about making. Ending up by Alpine was a total mistake.

Not that it bothers you much when the object of your affection turns up regardless.

You hear the scuff of shoes against gravel and feel a presence hovering at your back before you know it’s him. Somehow, you know it’s him anyway. As if you’re linked by some cosmic thread. As if you’re attuned to his very aura… Not that you believe in that stuff. But it is weird. The way you know him without sight.

You feel his hair tickle your cheek as he leans over your shoulder, all up in your space.

You don’t mind.

“Hard at work, huh?” he teases into your ear, his breathy laugh making you suppress a shiver.

“Mm hm,” you answer, tight lipped, trying to keep the camera stabilised despite yourself, “Doin’ my job.”

He moves away and you finally hit the button to stop recording. You spin around to face him, trying not to let a full-blown grin appear on your face. He’s doing something similar, half-grin, that snaggletooth you like so much on display. Eyes sparkling in the sunlight.

“Was that a jab at me?”, he raises his eyebrows (can’t raise just one, you’ve discovered).

You make a face, shake your head, “No, I would never,” you tell him in an exaggerated tone that says you’re taking the piss.

He scoffs, points a finger at you, “I’ll have you know that I was on the sim until three in the morning.”

You laugh this time, loud, tucking your phone into your back pocket and trying to resist the urge to lean into him like girls do in the movies. Hand on his shoulder, folding in half, like he’s just said the funniest thing ever. Like he’s not just some guy with brown hair and pretty eyes.

“Yeah, I know, Jack. You don’t let anyone forget it.”

His eyes widen impishly, “People need to know.”

“Sure do,” you smile broadly; meaning it, also taking a bit of a jab at Alpine’s chronic ‘middle-of-the-pack’-ness without being too mean, “Where would Alpine be without you?”

He shrugs nonchalantly, “In the gutter, with Williams, probably.”

You both burst suddenly into a fit of laughter. Neither one of you leaning on the other, but close to it. You’re sure it looks suspicious— Oscar Piastri’s known best friend and Alpine’s reserve driver bent over and giggling with each other— but you can’t bring yourself to care.

Being around Jack is intoxicating.

He makes your head spin and your heart race and your chest feel like it’s got some yawning sun inside of it. When you’re with him you always want more. To hear him talk, to watch his expressions shift, to feel him, warm and there and next to you. It’s never enough.

You want you want you want,

He occupies your mind when he’s not around. You think back on your texts. Interactions that the two of you have had. How he looked on a certain day. If you’re being too annoying by replying to his Instagram stories—

It shouldn’t matter. It does anyway. You want him to like you, so desperately that there’s an ache pulsing in the middle of your chest. Right in the centre of your ribs.

Sometimes, you think he wants you to like him too.

You’re drunk on it— him, the laughter— it makes your fingers tingle when you look at him. Not sure if this is the Moment exactly, but feeling something in the air anyway. The way his mouth is parted, the way the corner of it lifts. It’s not the Something, but it is something. Or at least it’s something until,

well, until Oscar—

Oscar who comes barreling over like there’s not palpable electricity between you and Jack right now.

“Hey man,” he says, as you’re watching them dap each other up like Oscar isn’t totally ruining any chance to flirt further with the Alpine reserve driver. You roll your eyes covertly. Huff audibly when Oscar drags you away for PR duties. Send Jack a beaming smile over your shoulder anyway, get one in return that makes you all warm and fuzzy and hopeful.

Oscar side eyes you, “Why do you look all red?”

You raise an eyebrow, hair flicking into your own face as you snap your head to look at him, “Excuse me?”

He gestures at his own face, then points at yours, “Dunno. You’re all red. Did you say something embarrassing to Jack? He probably doesn’t care—”

“Oh my god,” you cut him off, “Are you that blind?”

He frowns, furrows his eyebrows, “What do you mean?”

You jut a thumb at Alpine hospitality in the distance, careful to keep your voice low, “You don’t think there was something back there? Like between Jack and I?”

Oscar stares at you for a long moment. Dumbfounded. Utterly confused. So much so that you begin to get annoyed at his silence. What does it say that your boy-best-friend can’t even imagine a guy having a crush on you? Are you really that insane for thinking Jack might?

“You and Jack?” he asks.

“Jack and I,” you repeat, tone clipped.

He’s quiet for another long second. Then he’s shaking his head like it’s the most absurd thing he’s ever heard,

“No,” he’s saying in that way that’s trying to sound like a maybe but betrays his true feelings on the matter.

You scoff indignantly, then shove him hard enough that he stumbles into a wall. He’ll eat his words one day, you know it.

hope u guys enjoyed🥺

[coffee-and-tea-time]

KEEP PRETENDING TO SLEEP! KEEP PRETENDING TO SLEEP!!!

HEHEHEHEHEHE I WAS WAITING TO COOK THIS

Coffee insanely speaking! Thanks Dear, you gimme the perfect excuse to write a second part just in time although I expected the option of talking to him to come first. Not that I'm complaining lol

➤ first part

➤ here to see the other option

↪︎ ☾ I love to see you ....................................... .......................................☆ I love to hear you↩︎

TW: yandere behavior, delusions, murder of self-preservation, stalking, obssesion, somewhat willing reader, kinda denying of bad decisions

Of course, the best option is to stay still, not because you are enjoying this no no, of course not...

Despite his soft voice that sounds rather familiar, you can't really recall who or where. So the safest option is just giving in at the moment, you didn't know how he could react so the safer the better, isn't it?

A smile starts creeping on your face against your will, seems like you are a rather bad actor when it's required, huh? 

“Oh, I'm really glad, you seem like you're finally having a good dream… will it be too greedy if I want to be inside that little dream of yours? Well, if you find that greedy, you won't be able to handle me later”

Hearing a close mouthed giggle following the whisper makes your heart flutter softly, like this is some kind of really romantic scene in his mind. You were able to hear the faint sound of footsteps, he seems like he's doing a little room tour, making it a little hard to hear him.

“Oh Dear, you were researching that thing again?”

It seems like he found his way into your phone, what was he referring to?

“Why do you keep reading so much about romance? Are these words good enough to keep your focus?... Maybe I have to start practicing oral expression? It's been a while since I felt like that, last time was when you downloaded that stupid dating sim… This is truly irritating, the names they use, the way they ‘communicate’ to you; do no justice, I can express myself way better, my love, and how my eyes change when I see you walking by… just... please, I need only one chance, and I promise you won't have a room left for doubts”

Even though he made the effort to lower his voice in order to 'not wake you up', it's clear how his tone is changing with every word depending on the topic; First, a low hint of infatuation, then, what sounds closer to a plead and, finally,...was that...hopelessness?

Honestly, in a normal situation, you would be annoyed by someone searching through your phone but only an idiot would think this man would judge you even if you had pictures of dead people there, more like he's genuinely looking for more of you, despite the fact that it's really not the ‘proper’ way, you can't say it didn't work.

“My beloved Cherry, what can i do for you to talk to me? Those characters seem to steal your attention quickly… I would be lying if I sad I'm not a little hopeful because of them though, you seem to have quite the specific taste, Cherry, and I believe I fit perfectly on them... if only I could find the right moment to get into your routine, to be part of your life…”

Weird that he worries about getting to talk to you with an ideal scene but not worrying about stalking you, but maybe it's kind of understable? Since well, everyone likes to check on their crush on social media even if they take a while to actually talk, even if this guy took it a little too far, he sounds... harmless like his wish is just to win your affection…

wait a second…

Are you truly relaxed in this kind of situation? What is going on with you? Why? Why… well, can't say you didn't ask for this, even as a joke, you know this time is different because it's real, but… why does reality feel like a fantasy right now? Is it because of him?

“Huh, I come here as a routine by now, I still get the same queries, I’m dying to find the answers soon..”

Sensing that lightly sweet fragrance once more makes you know he’s approaching your ‘sleeping’ form once again, making it easy to hear him despite his constant whispering.

“Would you let me cuddle you? Would you let me kiss you? Would you mind if I were clingy? Would you mind if I get jealous? Would you mind if it seems like I already know more about you than I should? I want to hold you my dear, I can’t wait for the day I can just snuggle with you every time we want… I really can’t wait anymore, I need to be closer to you… I guess I have no option other than to talk to you out of the blue, I dislike to be so imprudent, but I promise I will make up for it once you accept me in your life, Love”

You feel a gentle hand slightly caress your cheek as a little peck is placed on your forehead, making you almost smile like a fool if it weren’t for the fact that pretending to sleep is your priority in this sweet moment, unexpected but called for moment.

“Sweet dreams Cherry, I have to prepare what I should say tomorrow, I will put all of my efforts to be my best self to make a good first impression, I hope I snatch enough of your interest to be on your mind even for a moment”

Oh, he is definitely gonna be stuck in your mind for a while, as you try your best to focus on the sounds, you catch his steps as he seems to walk away… but you keep up with your act just in case.

So, tomorrow, huh? Seems like once again you have important decisions in your hand, should you indulge in your fantasy and let him get near you? It also sounds fun to go to him first… But, maybe you should try to avoid him? It’s the safer choice, but do you really want that? He seems safe enough not to raise any of your flags, he seemed so caring for you…

sorry for any misspellings or weird sentence structure ❣

images from pinterest

[eldrith]

omg heyyyyy guys!!! <3 tldr for those of you who aren't the stupid cunt still spewing shit in inboxes: thanks for being kind & supportive and fucking normal. appreciate you beyond words, genuinely. my inbox is always open to you.

but to whom it may concern,

i am so fucking serious when i say that you, anon, need to grow up and start talking to real life humans for once in your life.

this isn't a joke. i'm so so so fucking embarrassed for this imbecile who stalks mutuals and any writer or account with decency in this fandom. you're so embarrassing. you are so clearly out of touch, there is something so clearly wrong in your tiny little pebble brain. it's a miracle you can even type words onto a screen because you're so inconceivably obtuse. (btw, you may need to reel in the extent of your lexicon - if you know what that is - for some of the things im about to say)

not only are you so impossibly, functionally incapable when it comes to media literacy - sorry, literacy at all - but you actively seek out to make incorrect points and its so troublesome... you need to learn context, subtext, implicit bias, nuance - honestly, grab a dictionary and look up what the term 'critical thinking' means too. you are SEVERELY lacking. you are deficient in communication and even worse with inference. i could laugh, and i have before.

despite the fact that this is all fictional - the truth is that we are all just people on here who enjoy writing or maybe enjoy a character from a fictional show that isn't even about romance in the first place.

anyways, i digress: the truth is that every single one of my friends on here has gotten this person's weird fucking obsessive comments in their inbox and as pathetic as this person is, i will say this directly to them: you treat writers or other blogs like some sort of sad therapy and you're being embarrassing.

i'm embarrassed when i see the cringey, out of touch shit you say. you act like a minor. i genuinely think you are one. you act like someone who has never had a personal relationship, let alone conversation. i don't think you've had an emotional connection ever. you act like a fucking baby who just crawled out of a sewer to see light for the first time in your life. it's so fucking sad. i would never care enough to say i feel bad for you, but i feel bad for anyone who has ever interacted with you, myself included.

it's so astounding to have to say this, but: WRITERS AND BLOGGERS ARE NOT YOUR FUCKING THERAPISTS. WE ARE NOT A HOTLINE FOR YOU. here, you’re so stupid you probably didn’t catch that: WE ARE NOT YOUR FUCKING THERAPISTS. YOU ARE BEING A FUCKING CHILD.

i beg you - i implore you to fucking block me, to block all of my mutuals who you come to whining in their inboxes, because NONE OF US FUCKING CARE what you have to say. pick up a book. talk to a man irl. ask someone how their day is and try to use empathy for once.

anyways, i love every single person on here who takes the time to be kind, or funny, or care. i love all my writers, all of my friends on here, moots or not - sorry to say this but im tired of pretending that i'm nice to childish pathetic cunts. lol

[drvscarlett]

THE TORTURED POETS DEPARTMENT

Pierre Gasly x ex!reader

Summary: The 4 times that they break up and get back together and that 1 time they didn't.

The Tortured Drivers' Department series

A/N: im on a roll with updating the Tortured Drivers Department now that im nearly done with every reqs. I hope you enjoy this and let me know what you think or feel about this

Taglist. @tea-bobba @boiohboii @c-losur3 @haikyuen @stelena-klayley @stinkyjax @0710khj @jinimon-tr

"You're not Dylan Thomas, I'm not Patti Smith This ain't the Chelsea Hotel, we're modern idiots"

Pierre and Y/N are the type of people that is confusing to talk about. No one really knows the big deal between the two of them, are they friends or are they lovers? One minute everything is all good, they are about to go to the store and pick out rings then the next thing that you know they already broke up. What was constant was that they always find their way back to each other.

Maybe it’s the lifestyle that makes it work; Pierre is a famous F1 driver that travels the world most of the year while Y/N is a grand recluse of a writer that is trying to find her way to the market. They don’t need much time from each other, and they understand the busy structure of their work.

Maybe its also the fact that they have years of friendship backing them up that's why they were able to last long with each others antics. So, what happened to them?

I.

The first kind of break ups were pretty silly. It was usually something that could be fixed in a matter of hours or a day being away from each other. Its something very random and weird like this.

"Wait, so you are breaking up with me because you are writing?"Pierre was confused.

Pierre had been in relationships before but he has never once heard of someone wanting to break up with him because she has to meet a certain deadline.

He felt very whiplash by the whole situation because she was just kissing him and they were cuddling in bed in the morning. Now she wants to break up with him.

"Yes Pierre, I need to be in my most heartbroken self to write my best lines"Y/N confirms.

"So does this mean that once you finish this thing you are working on then we can get back together?"Pierre clarifies.

Y/N nods as she brings out her working laptop and a notebook.

"So should I say something mean or should I just leave you be to your senses?"Pierre wondered.

"Do you really wanna break up with me so badly?"Y/N had too much of Pierre's question

Pierre raised his hands in defeat.

"Okay then lets break up"

Pierre headed straight back to his room to allow Y/N to work on her things. He chuckles at himself with the weird antics of his girlfriend, (or should he say ex girlfriend) but he busies himself with some emails that he has from work.

It took Y/N two days before she comes crawling to their shared bed. Pierre was in a sleepy state when Y/N snuggled to his arms.

"Are you done?"Pierre wondered.

"Yeah,just passed my manuscript"Y/N agrees.

"Can I call you my girlfriend again?"

II.

Qualifying was extremely difficult today with Pierre taking p15. To make matters worse there was this pressing issue that Pierre might be axed from the team. It honestly frustrated him to the point that he was only doing sim work, training, and more training.

It worries Y/N a great deal especially when Pierre seems so out of it.

"Pierre c'mon get some rest" Y/N begged.

It was already 2 in the morning and there was still a race tomorrow but he insisted on hitting the gyms to train.

"You are going to be exhausted later during the race if you keep doing this"Y/N reminds.

"I don't care, I have to work hard"

"Pierre please listen to me"

"You're the one who is not listening to me"Pierre snaps "Don't you realize that I have the possibility to lose everything that I have worked hard for if they cut me off the team."

Y/N was in shock with the sudden outburst and if Pierre was in his usual self then he would have immediately apologized for raising his tone. But Pierre was far from thinking clearly.

"Pierre that was not nice"

"Nothing is ever nice in this world"scoffs Pierre.

"Look I'm just trying to help you he-"

"You know what, why not just break up with me so I can focus on my thing without anyone nagging" Pierre suggested.

She could feel the tears prickling her eyes and threatening to fall. But her mother did not raise her cry over a stupid boy like this.

"You're really going there huh" Y/N said "See if I care"

With a slam of the door, Y/N was gone and Pierre felt even more antsy than ever. It wasn't the fact that he has a messed up weekend but he has the possibility of messing up a good relationship because of his blind rage.

In a couple of hours despite Y/N implying that she didn't care, she was at the race patiently waiting for the lights to go out. It was difficult for her to just leave Pierre especially when he is in this state of mind.

But of course, Y/N's pride was something that she holds dear that is why she didn't show up to Pierre's garage. It is kind of weird to see the crowd of yellow and black colors but Y/N was so glad that she has Isa by her side to join her during the race.

"Never gets easier to let him go for races huh"Y/N comments as she watched Isa putting on Carlos' helmet.

"Well, I'm sure he tries his best to be careful on the track" Isa smiled.

"Why aren't you giving any pre-race goodluck kisses to Pierre? He might need it" Carlos suggested.

Y/N could just roll her eyes, Pierre wasn't superstitious like that.

"Okay laugh all you want but don't make me say I told you so if he gets involved in an accident"Carlos warns.

"Don't mind Carlos, he is just joking"Isa shrugs it off.

"But Isa, its true remember when-"

"Stop stressing Y/N out Carlos, go race and be safe"

"Aye aye"

Y/N watched the playful interaction before the couple parted ways. The scene struck a chord in her heart because she knew that she could never act that way with Pierre. Their whole relationship was a secret that only the grid knows Y/N is off limits. But outside the grid, no one knows about it. Fans equate them as close friends but never more than that.

"What's on your mind honey?"Isa asked

"Nothing Isa, I'm okay"

Y/N showed a weak smile and Isa was hesitant to press things but she just let friend be.

"Look the race is starting"Y/N diverts.

The sound of the engines filled the air and off the cars go. Y/N watched as everyone gets off with a decent start, she could only hope that there was no incident today especially for Pierre's sake.

Everything happened all of a sudden as white smoke filled the air and a loud collision was heard. The cameras were quick to pan to the accident and the two girls clutched each other's hands as the smoke clears.

"It's Nico, its not Carlos" someone from the garage reassured Isa and the girl could feel a sigh of relief.

However, the same cannot be said to Y/N as the frustrated team radio of Pierre can be heard and the familiar livery was seen in the middle of the wreck.

Any amount of pride or memory of what he said last night was suddenly thrown out of the window. She just wants to know how he is or if he is safe from that tragic collision.

"Y/N, they're going to check on Nico" Isa pointed out to some Renault people "You should probably go since Pierre would be there too"

Y/N was about to deny that she didn't want to see him but Isa had a stern look on her face.

"Just go honey"

And she comes running to the medical bay to look for the injured man. She was a bit thankful that precautions have been made in this sports that allowed drivers to walk away from such accident without major damages.

Maybe, a bruised ego is their biggest worry now.

"Y/N"Pierre was confused to see her.

Maybe the damage has been far more worse than he imagined because he was now seeing things. As far as he could recall, Y/N was not around when the race started. So how is she here?

"God, you scared me P"Y/N wrapped him in a hug.

Pierre was a little bit sore from the crash but there was this instant warm feeling knowing that Y/N didn't abandon him. Even if he was really moody and too shitty, Y/N was still there for him.

He remembers how terrible it was being in that car and thinking that the last memory he shared with Y/N is a bad one. He didn't feel great at all so he held her as if its his second chance.

"I didn't mean what I said last night"Pierre whispered "I'm really sorry for hurting your feelings. I wasn't thinking straight and there is just a lot of pressure-"

"It's okay, I know Pierre"Y/N consoles "I won't be leaving you anytime soon"

A chaste kiss was shared between the two of them, a symbol that they have reunited once more.

III.

The third time they broke up was when Pierre asked her hand for marriage and she didn't say anything.

After being constantly invited to weddings, Pierre is bound to pick up some courage to ask Y/N out. He developed this dream that he wants a life with Y/N and he is ready to take it to the next level. Knowing Y/N, he picked the right size and the perfect ring. He also knows her dream proposal place which is somewhere with a view of the city.

He had everything planned out perfectly so imagine his surprise when she answers.

"Pierre, I can't do this" Y/N dropped the bomb.

"What? Why?"

Y/N felt like an extreme asshole because everything was perfect. Any girl would say yes to this prime opportunity of marrying their childhood bestfriend but Y/N sees through things.

"Pierre we aren't even official to the public and now you want to escalate it to marriage" Y/N reasons.

"So that's it, you don't want to marry me because I can't call you mine in public?"

"It's not just that" Y/N sighs "but our careers are just taking off and we haven't talked about our relationship yet and suddenly were going to go to marriage"

What Y/N saying was valid but Pierre was not listening to any of it. He felt very crushed and he could not think straight at the moment.

"Let's just break up if you can't see a future with me"

"Pierre, you know that's not what I meant"

"Then tell me how would you feel if the person you truly loved didn't want to marry you"Pierre roared.

It was a devastating scene between the two of them. How Y/N wished that she could undo what she said a few minutes ago but she knows that she only means well. A rushed marriage will also lead to rush separation and she will not put herself to that.

"Let's break up then, I think its best if we go our seperate ways for the time being"Pierre concludes.

It took them three long weeks before they got back together. It was due to an intervention by Charles that allowed them to speak again and talk their differences. Pierre has been more understanding now and heard Y/N's point out.

They got back together but it felt like there is a huge crack that took a heavy blow with their relationship.

IV.

Y/N had a terrible day at work with her manuscript being asked to be revised by her publisher. All she needs was a good rest and possibly some cuddles with Pierre. She prays as she twist the doorknob that Pierre was not in his one of his moods.

"Mon amour"Pierre called out "I was waiting for you"

Pierre can cook but it doesn't mean that he does it often. It was a good surprise for Y/N to see the dinner table set with all of her favorite dishes and an array of fresh flowers in a bouquet. She eyes the man warily as she takes a seat

"I didn't miss any important dates, didn't I?" Y/N asked.

"Is it bad that I wanted to do something special for you?"

In other days, she would want to argue about it but for today she didn't want to do any of that. She had no energy to question Pierre's weird behavior and she just wants to enjoy the dinner with him.

It was a lovely dinner but Y/N knows that Pierre was hiding something from her. As she was putting away the plates, she knew that she had to get an answer or she may fall asleep overthinking things.

"What is going on P, I'm actually scared you did something stupid that's why you are buttering me up so much"

Pierre lets out a heavy sigh, they knew each other too well that they can't really keep a secret with each other.

"My PR talked to me today and they wanted to announce a relationship to help my whole image"Pierre confesses.

Articles are very easy to miss but as a writer, Y/N knows how a different usage of an article changes the meaning of the sentence. Pierre used "a" rather than "the" which means he is not referring to their relationship.

"Who is it?"Y/N wondered

"She's a model, her name is Caterina" Pierre explained.

There was a heavy silence in the room as Y/N dried out the dishes. She knew that this was all because she was not very marketable due to her timid personality. She was not even famous for her books so that's another reason. Bottom line, they can't announce her because she seems very different from Pierre and she is not the WAG material.

"How long?"

Y/N was used to this kind of treatment. She felt like she accepted this as long as she can get to keep Pierre at the end of this whole thing. People would think she is crazy but love makes people do crazy things.

"Just 6 months and its over"Pierre answered.

It was also very difficult for Pierre's end. He have tried to lobby that he wanted to announce his relationship with Y/N but he is held by a contract. If he decides to deviate then he might lose his seat.

He knows how difficult it was to ask her for this but he had no choice.

"I'll get packing then and I'll move out in the next few days"Y/N mumbles.

Pierre stopped her for leaving and held her tightly. She instantly melts in his hold and she easily reminds herself why she puts up with all of this.

"I love you, don't you forget that"

The world moved with Caterina being announced as Pierre's girlfriend. However, they didn't know that after 6 months then Pierre is back to Y/N's arms. It was always Y/N and Pierre even if the world can't see it.

V.

It started with a normal dinner reservation.

Y/N has been promised by Pierre that he will take her out for dinner. They both understand that the past few weeks has been tiring for the two of them with the stress of racing, writing, and personal issues. The dinner is a nice way to reconnect with each other.

However, here she was already an hour waiting for Pierre to show up.

The hour goes from two to three and by the fourth hour, she decided that she will just go home. She have felt upset with Pierre before but this was a different kind of upset. It's not something to be fixed by flowers, vacations, or any of those stupid letters he does.

She reaches their shared apartment and started packing her stuffs. Her mind was already made up and this time it was going to last. The relationship was doomed to failure anyways.

And just before she finished packing, Pierre stumbles in.

"Y/N, do you have a schedule tonight?"Pierre asked.

He was met with silence as the writer ignores him.

"Oh c'mon what did I do wrong this time?"Pierre complains "Sit and talk with me Y/N"

Pierre could only stop Y/N by bringing all her packed clothes out of her suitcase. Something that heavily irritated Y/N, which caused her to finally speak.

"Can you just let me pack in peace"Y/N begged.

"Not until you tell me what's wrong"Pierre stops "Do you have a flight somewhere? Maybe I could drive you"

"You don't have to drive me Pierre"

"Then what's going on, I arrive here and you are fuming there-"

"You made me fucking wait four hours"Y/N snapped.

Pierre racked his brains for anything that he missed and he suddenly remembered how he reserved dinner with her. He felt like all the color drained on his face.

"Don't do this, I'll make it up to you Y/N" there was a desperation in Pierre's voice.

"I can't, we can't keep doing this P"Y/N admits it "We keep on breaking up and then making up then we act like this is a healthy relationship. We can't do this"

Strong arms wrapped around Y/N's waist and she could feel the wetness on her shoulders as Pierre buried his face there. It was proving more and more difficult for Y/N to leave him.

"I have to do this P, for you and for me"she remains firm.

"Tell me you don't love me"Pierre refuses to let go.

And Y/N cannot admit that because she knows she will always love Pierre. But she was scared that in loving Pierre so much then she may not have any love left for herself. She doesn't know what to do if she loses Pierre so its best if she will be the one to let go of him first.

"I'm sorry Pierre"

With a heavy heart, she removes the him away from her. She picks up her bags and closes the door. She left without taking a look back at the man she has loved from childhood till now because she knows that the moment she sees him then all form of control she has will evaporate.

And everything was two years ago. Here is Y/N with her third best-selling novel book signing tour. Sometimes she likes to think that she lost Pierre to be able to write the books that made her extremely famous. Most of the times, she wishes it never happened because she would rather have Pierre than these best selling novels.

It was her first time in Europe for work. She was often here to watch and support Pierre from the sideline. She never thought that she will be back in Europe so loved and so adored.

But it seems like destiny has a way of messing things up.

"Hi! What's your name?"she greets the woman in front of her.

Even though it has been a long day, she managed to master the art of keeping a perfect smile. She understands how the fans have been waiting in line for so long and she has to give them the best experience as she signs their book.

"My name is Kika, I'm a huge fan of yours" the woman introduced.

Y/N looked up to take a look at her. Kika had a dazzling smile and has this certain aura that exudes her charmingness. Y/N felt that she should be the one asking for Kika's signature because she looks like a stunning goddess.

"I really love the way you write things and I used to read it with my boyfriend when he is not racing"Kika narrates.

Racing, its been a while since Y/N heard that. She completely cuts off that certain topic ever since she left Pierre.

"Oh that sounds like a fantastic way to bond as a couple"Y/N agrees

"Yeah and actually my boyfriend told me that he knows you. I was actually wondering if he is joking but I figured that maybe he is"

There was this sinking feeling in her heart but Y/N would like to think that she made some friends in the F1 grid so this may be their girlfriend. Or maybe her boyfriend is bluffing.

"He races? In what kind of race"Y/N asked,she was careful.

"Oh he does Formula 1, his name is-"

"Kika mon amour"

Y/N didn't have to hear the voice twice to know who that voice belongs to. She knows that voice very well and she couldn't believe her rotten luck.

"Pierre, we were just talking about you"Kika embraces Pierre.

Pierre was shifting nervously and Y/N suddenly realized that Kika doesn't know anything about the shared history between the two of them.

"Oh so you are Pierre's new girl" Y/N knew how to act "I'm so pleased to meet you and yes I know Pierre from childhood"

"See mon amour, I was not lying"Pierre teased.

"So you do know her, we should definitely set up a lunch or dinner together"Kika exclaimed "I can't believe that my favorite author is your childhood friend"

She has that bright and genuine smile on her face. It was that certain genuineness that Y/N makes her heart crack. Why did she have to be so sweet and kind, its so difficult to fault her of anything.

"Y/N is one of the best authors, I know" Pierre proudly states "She has a way of tugging hearts"

"Indeed she has, I remember that when I first started reading one of your series I was so hooked and I wanted to pattern my dream partner to how you write the character of.."Kika babbles.

And everything felt like fading in the background. But Y/N didn't miss how Pierre was looking at Kika so lovingly and so endearing while Kika was rambling excitedly. The heart that was once healed was getting torn up once more because of what's happening in front of her.

[sibsivsig]

god, i LOVE your blog, thank you for writing for shisui 🥹 i’d like to ask shisui and any other characters you want and the moment they fell in love with their girl friend

Thank you for your kind words <3. Just as many other people, I was desperate for more Shisui content, and well, be the change you wanna see I guess.

Shisui X F!Reader

When he fell in love with you

Shisui

When you didn't see him as an Uchiha, a prodigy, Shisui of Teleportation but just as Shisui

Almost everyone only sees him as a shinobi, a protector of Konoha

They see his abilities, what he does for them, but not what he is

So when he realised that he was a person in your life and not a ninja, his heart couldn't help but beat a little faster

He could barely believe his ears, others seeing him as a person was uncommon, unexpected, refreshing

"Do you want dessert?" Y/N asks her friend sitting on the opposite side of the table. "Sounds good. But how'd you know I have a sweet tooth? I never told you after all." "You just give off the vibes, is all" the female answers as she took out her wallet to pay for their shared meal.

"Is that so weird? You look a bit... surprised? Startled? Shocked even?", she chuckles a little, looking at Shisui's widened eyes.

"No, it's just that people usually assume nothing unhealthy has entered my mouth ever since I became Jonin. It's a refreshing change of pace", Shisui grins, taking one of the Dangos the waiter brought during their conversation.

"That's weird. I mean, yeah, sure, shinobi usually have a very healthy diet, but that doesn't mean we only eat vegetables and meat."

"So," Shisui begins, "any plans for the rest of the day?"

Y/N thinks about it for a few seconds and then shakes her head. "No, I honestly just wanted to go home and relax. I have a pretty long mission starting in a few days, so I wanted to enjoy my peace and quiet while it lasts"

"Yeah, I had something like that in mind too. Some hotsprings and then a calm evening with some tea and a good book"

"Makes sense. I hate doing anything before a tiring mission. Waking up sore or tired is not something you want before an A-Rank" Y/N comments, moving around her finger on the edge of her cup.

"Oh, you have something in your face by the way. Right there", she pointed at the corner of her mouth. Shisui grabbed his napkin and and wiped it away. "Wha- That's meat! How long has that been on my face?" "Quite some time, but you looked kinda cute with it so I didn't want to tell".

Y/N giggles at Shisui's face, distorted in disbelief and surprise.

"Thank you for the invitation, Y/N. I really needed this", Shisui looks down at the finished plate of Dango, the whole afternoon replaying in his mind. The fact you knew he liked sweets, how you understood that he needed a break, how you laughed about his messy face and his expression.

Why was his heart beating so fast? Why did his stomach feel so weird? He didn't eat anything bad the past few days. Could it be that...?

"Is everything alright? Your face is so red all of a sudden, not that you're dehydrated or have a fever" his friend say worried, bringing her hand to his forehead, but before she could touch him he stopped her hand by gently holding her wrist.

"No, no, I'm fine. Please don't worry about me." He doesn't want her to find out, not yet. First he needs to make sure she feels the same and choose a better timing.

"You always say that. You always shake my worries off, say that you're fine and move on. But I am worried, I know what it can do to people to bottle everything up and try to deal with it alone. You're not a superior being to us all, you still need help every once in a while. If not from me then at least from Itachi, but I know that you're not talking about it with him either. Shisui please, stop saying you're fine before your soul cracks."

Wow, he did not expect that. That you looked through him this easily, that you looked right past his walls right into his soul. Your expression one of fear and worry.

"Okay, I swear that the next time I have a problem I'll come to you, no matter what it is", he holds up his hand with his pinky outstretched.

Y/N follows the action and with that their promise is official.

"Thank you, Shisui. I care a lot about you and it'd kill me to know that you're suffering in silence."

Shisui's heart does a little jump. Perhaps she loves me too? Was the only thing his brain could think about. He was good at reading you, but then, how good were you at hiding feelings?

After that they say their goodbyes and head to their homes. The whole way home multiple thoughts were swirling through Shisui's head.

But all he knows is that he loves you, but telling you can still wait.

[uchihaharlot]

I didn't mean to break their hearts, I was just curious, srry!😭😭 (but Itachi's one was kinda funny-)

But anyway, now I'm wondering about how they would react if they found out that you can draw really cool and beautiful.

(I'm an artist, so😎)

Nonny 🥹🥹

That put me in an really good mood; lol. That was way too fun to write; maybe I can one day write a super angsty break up (but I love them too much!!!).

I love all artists 😭😭😭 Painters, writers — digital or paper. Anything that expresses the inner workings of someone’s mind and the fact that they can manifest it to reality is so so so beautiful. I hope I’ve secretly seen your art, I’d probably simp over it. Always simp over art. 😂😂🥹🥹

N/SFW; very cute Uchiha men adoring your artwork! 🥹🥹🥹 (ooc Madara??); Simpy Obito; …Scandalous Shisui; abnormally observant Itachi 😂 suggestive themes rolled out the further I got. For some reason, I just had to. (P.s. I should not be allowed to write when tired??? Half of this was done while my eyes rolled shut in bed).

Madara:

It’s not everyday that Madara is blown like a leaf in the wind. When you mentioned being a patron of the arts, he thought maybe the art of battle?? Didn’t expect your weapon to be a paint brush with some acrylic paint. Thought it was some weird jutsu infused shit.

And then you just had to go above and beyond and do a portrait of him for his birthday!!!!! It’s hung on the living room center wall so that it’s the first thing anyone sees! Honestly, this man is a brute, but your art envokes his softer side! A side that he hasn’t been in touch with for…well, a long time.

Makes sure that everyone and I mean, everyone, is aware of your talent! Still, he tries to find the side hussle in it, soliciting customers for you and all. 😭😭 Will trash talk the chalk art children make on the sidewalk, which ‘…that’s not nice, they’re children..’ you say. He shrugs, nobody is as good as you.

Obito:

Finds out and tries to ‘secretly’ commission you lmao. Makes it totally obvious too, his handwriting is shit and eveeeerrryyyyone knows who Tobi really is…. Plus how can you even begin without discussing what he wants done!! Duh, Obito! Unfortunately for him, you are more interested in drawing matters of the flesh. He’ll only show his chest, nothing more.

‘That’s fine.’ You shrug, and get to work. Obito, however, does not have the resolve to sit still! It’s frustrating to no end, but alas, after what seems an eternity— its done. Sort of. Still much to add, but the basics are there and you’ll work better when he’s not asking how does it look every twenty minutes.

Eventually you do finish this beautiful piece of him, and Obito cries. You made his scars tolerable and beautiful with your mind’s creativity, he feels less self conscious about them, only a little.

Shisui:

Is the least normal about it when he discovered your sketchbook — more like snatched and played keep away. Had to fight him for it, literally. Will ask you to paint/draw him naked…many times lol and you respectfully say no... Not that he likes people to see him naked (ok maybe a little?) but he secretly hopes it might happen one day. It would be a private thing for the two of you, cause he wants that ass.

And when you do cave to his whim, just to satiate him. He’s nervous lmao. Had this oh so macho man idea of rocking a hard on but Shisui simply maintains his usual semi. It’s nice though, you make sure it’s extremely detailed..as he asked for.

But, ‘(y/n)… this is chibbi!!!’ Lol, jokes on Shisui!! He didn’t say how to draw his pp.

Itachi:

Is the most normal about it. Though he still will praise you every time you finish a piece and show him, he is still massively impressed. How does your wrist not get tired? …maybe this is why your hand jobs are so good. 😈 Just watching you try a new technique (pointillism, which is my favorite style) makes his wrist hurt. Enjoys when you ask him for ideas! He has lots of them! Mostly…obscure and derelict landscapes though.

Would not be opposed to having his portrait done, but it’s really not his style. He is disciplined enough to sit still but doesn’t see the value in it. Not until the final product is revealed, does he truly understand how important this piece was. You’ve captured his personality in a new light.

[be-my-sunrise]

The Masked Man || p.js

pairings: jason role-player!jisung x fem!reader

genre: smut, minor pls dni

wc: 3,551

warnings: phone sex, mutual masturbation, use of sex toy, choking, use of pet names and derogatory terms, reader had a dream about having sex with jisung. let me know if i missed anything!

a/n: this fic is a part of 1-800-SLASHER collab by @jenoslutie !! i apologize for being late, i was supposed to post this on halloween but it took me longer than i thought. also, i really tried writing the "scary" part but turns out i suck at it and i feel like the ending is ASS omg😭 happy late halloween!<3 enjoy~

“Hold up.. Phone sex with who now?”

“With Ghostface! The other day, I got so bored and came across this website called 1-800-SLASHERS. So, these people role-play as slashers, like Michael Myers and Ghostface, and we can have phone sex with them!”

You furrow your brows in confusion upon hearing your best friend, Giselle's, story. Staring at her face in disbelief through the video call on your laptop.

“And you paid them for that?”

“Well, duhh, obviously.” Giselle rolls her eyes at your question. “You should try it, too, you know.”

“No way, it’s so ridiculous! The idea itself is just crazy, like.. why would I want to do that?”

Honestly, you can’t even begin to think why would people want to pay a random person to role-play as a scary character and have phone sex with them. You feel like it’s just a waste of money, and the idea of having phone sex with a complete stranger is just weird to you.

“I’m just saying, don’t judge until you actually try it yourself. Plus, I remember you once said, and I quote, “I would definitely bang Jason Voorhees.” 

Giselle grins widely and wiggles her eyebrows teasingly at you. You groaned, face-palming yourself at the memory. “Oh my God, that was the one time we played ‘fuck, marry, kill'! Technically, I have to choose one of them.”

“Yeah, yeah, whatever. Deflect all you want, girl, but the heavy emphasis on ‘definitely’ says a lot.” 

“Ugh, you’re so annoying.”

“Aww thanks, I try to.”

You glance at the time and realize that it’s getting late, remembering the unfinished assignment that is due tomorrow morning. You quickly bid your goodbyes to Giselle and hang up the call. Thankfully, you were almost done with the assignment when you suddenly received a call from your friend.

The next morning in class, your mind starts to wander from whatever topic the professor is currently talking about, thinking about plans to do during the weekend. It was Friday after all. In fact, it happens to be Friday the 13th, which made you recall the conversation with Giselle last night. You still don't understand the excitement behind it. Not that you're against it though, it's just not exactly a thing that you would do. But, the more you think about it, the more curious you get. 

The day goes by like a blur. After dinner, you sit on the couch, switching between TV channels to find anything to watch. You were about to switch to Netflix, but you stopped when your eyes caught the title of the movie. Friday the 13th. 

"Of course they have this playing right now," you scoff. 

Not knowing what else to watch, you decide to watch the movie anyway. Even though your eyes are glued to the screen, your mind wanders elsewhere. "What was that website again? 1-800-SLASHERS?" You thought to yourself. Despite what you kept saying, you just can't seem to get your mind off of it.

You unlock your phone and open the browser app, quickly typing out the website URL before pressing enter. The first thing you see after the page is loaded is the name 1-800-SLASHERS in big bloody letters. 

Just right below the name of the website, you find a list of the character names along with photos of the role-players in their sexy costumes. Well, it's not exactly costumes because all of them are almost naked while also wearing the scary masks. As you scroll through the list, you finally find the one character you're most interested in. You tap the photo to take a good look at the guy wearing a Jason mask, eyebrows raising when you realize that he's shirtless. 

He's sitting on a chair in a very laid-back position, knees wide apart, and his head slightly tilted to the side. His hands rested on top of his thighs with one hand holding a sharp knife. The photo was taken in dim lighting, but you can still clearly see his toned figure. You zoomed in on his body, eyes trailing down from his broad shoulders to his abs. His gray sweatpants hang low on his hips, giving you a peek of his v-line. When you look further down, your eyes widened in surprise seeing his cock print, almost choking on your spit. You bite down on your bottom lip at the sight, wishing he pulled it out instead of hiding it under his pants.

You quickly make an account and manage the payment settings. When it's all set up, you go back to the list page. A tab pops up when you tap his profile, showing you a call and video call button. You can't believe that you're actually considering this. But, after seeing a visual of the role-player, you can't stop yourself even if you want to. You hesitated a bit, not wanting to show your face.

"Maybe a call would be better for now."

Suddenly feeling nervous, you stare at the phone screen as you wait for the call to connect. Then the ringing stops and you move the phone closer to your mouth, clearing your throat before talking.

"Hello?"

"Hey there." Your breath hitches in your throat hearing a deep voice through the speaker.

"Hi, uhh.. what's up?"

There was a short silence followed by a low chuckle from the guy at the receiving end of the call.

"Oh, I'm doing good. You?"

"Me too."

You let out a nervous laugh, lowkey cringing at yourself. It's not like you haven't done this before, you've had phone sex with your ex-boyfriend a couple of times in your last relationship. But that was almost two years ago, so you can't help but feel weird and nervous.

"What's your name, doll?"

"You can call me y/n."

"Y/N. Such a pretty name for a beautiful girl like you."

"Oh, umm thank you. So.. should we get started?" You ask him, and he chuckles before answering. 

"Yeah, sure. Tell me what you're wearing right now."

"I'm wearing a tank top and shorts."

"Take off your shorts, doll."

You mumbled okay and set your phone down before hooking your thumbs on the waistband, slightly lifting your hips to take off your shorts along with your panties. Even though you're still nervous, you can feel yourself slowly relaxing, thanks to his voice. His deep voice sounds so calming, yet so sexy at the same time. Your mind goes back to the photo you saw before the call, pressing your thighs together at the thought of him. You imagine him sitting on the same chair, one hand around his cock, slowly pumping himself as he talks with you.

"I took off my shorts, and my panties too."

He hums in satisfaction, "Mmm you're such a good girl for me, taking off your panties before I told you to. Now, touch yourself where you want me most."

You move your hand towards your core, collecting the wetness on your fingers before pressing it against your clit. A small moan falls from your lips as you rub circles on the sensitive bud.

"Is my pretty doll touching herself?"

"Yes," you paused. "I wish it was your fingers instead of mine."

"Yeah? Tell me more, doll. What do you want me to do?"

You rub your clit faster, letting out a breathy moan as you put in more pressure. "Wish you were here too, I want to feel your fingers inside me."

He snickers, "Oh, baby, my fingers won't be the only thing you're getting if I'm there with you."

Closing your eyes, you slip two fingers into your core. You moan out loudly from the stretch, imagining it was his cock. 

"Bet you look so pretty around my cock. All fucked out, moaning and begging me to fuck you harder." 

Suddenly you hear a glass shattering, making your eyes fly open in shock. You look around to find the source of the noise, only to realize that it was coming from the TV. You see Jason punching through a small glass window to choke one of the female characters. You bite your lip and start pumping your fingers faster, making you whimper.

"Fuck, I need you so bad. I want you to choke me while you're fucking me senseless."

He lets out a groan in response, tightening the grip around his cock as he strokes faster. His heavy breaths can be heard through the speaker, making your eyes flutter close at the sound of his noises.

"My pretty doll likes it when I choke her, hm?"

"Fuck, yes. I want you to choke me until I pass out."

"My, my.. what a naughty doll you are," he chuckles. 

You feel a familiar knot in your stomach, muscles tense as you're reaching your climax. You put the phone down next to you, using your now free hand to rub circles on your clit, gasping from the added stimulation.

"Shit, I'm so close."

"Me too. Cum for me, doll. I wanna hear your pretty moans."

Your jaw goes slack from the orgasm, moaning loudly as you rock your hips to ride out your high. He mutters profanities under his breath hearing you moan. You can hear him panting, breath hitching in his throat as he also rides out his high.

"Hey, umm thank you for this. I think I'm gonna end the call now." You say, suddenly feeling awkward.

"Yeah, no problem. Hope I can see you next time, doll."

You press the end call button and get up to grab tissues to wipe your hands. After that, you turn off the TV and head to the bathroom to clean yourself.

***

A few days passed after the phone sex and you can't seem to get your mind off him. All you can think about is doing inappropriate things with him. Riding his cock until your legs go numb, leaving claw marks on his chest, and the list goes on. Oh, and his voice. Gosh.. his voice was sexy as fuck. You want him to whisper praises in your ear as he rails you.

You moan into the pillow, hands gripping the sheets. The guy behind you thrusts his hips roughly, burying his cock deep inside you.

"Fuck, feels so good." You say, voice slightly muffled.

"I can't hear you clearly with your face against the pillow, doll."

Your heart beats faster hearing the familiar voice and the pet name he used. He suddenly flips your body so you're lying on your back, throwing both of your legs over his shoulders. Your eyes widened in shock seeing the masked man before you. Even though his face is covered with a Jason mask, you still recognize his deep voice.

He leans his body closer, pressing your thighs and chest together in the process. He rests his hand next to your head and wraps the other one around your neck, blocking your airflow. Your eyes flutter close, moaning loudly as he continues to fuck you. 

"Ah, ah, ah. Eyes on me, doll. I wanna see your eyes get glazed over."

He mutters good girl under his breath when you open your eyes. Your mouth hangs open as you feel his grip around your throat get tighter with each thrust. He tilts his head to the side and chuckles.

"What's wrong, doll? You want this, don't you? You begged me to choke you while I fuck you dumb." 

Panic starts to fill your chest, but all you can think about is how good his cock is making you feel. You weakly claw at his hand, trying to pry it away and he just laughs at you mockingly. You start to feel dizzy, eyelids getting heavier as your vision darkens from the lack of air.

You suddenly open your eyes and your body jolts up in shock, hand clutching your neck as you gasp for air. You look around frantically only to find yourself in the dark. As your eyes adjust to the darkness, you start to calm down realizing that you're inside your bedroom. You had fallen asleep while watching a video on your laptop. It's now dark outside and only the soft glow from the moon is illuminating your room. You get off the bed and carefully walk across the room to turn on the lights, making you squint from the brightness. Then, you go to the bathroom to splash your face with cold water. After you're done, you stare at your reflection in the mirror.

"Wait.. did I just have a wet dream about that Jason role-player?" 

The wetness between your legs confirms your thought, making you blush as the realization hits. You touch your neck remembering the way he choked you in your dream and how good he made you feel. The thought of his cock filling you up nicely makes you press your thighs together. 

You go back to your room and reach for the laptop in your bed, quickly typing the website name in the search bar. You strip your clothes off, leaving your bra and panties on, which thankfully is a matching set. When the page loads, you scroll down to look for the guy who role-plays as Jason. Once you find his profile, you adjust the pillow and your sitting position so now your back is comfortably resting against the headboard. You open the nightstand drawer next to you and reach for the vibrator and a dildo before setting it aside. 

After turning on the webcam and clicking the video call button, you set your laptop down in front of you, making sure your body is seen on the camera. The line suddenly stops ringing and then you see him. He's shirtless, just like in the profile photo, only wearing gray sweatpants with the mask. You didn't even realize that you were staring until he snapped you from your daze.

"Hello? Hey, you okay?"

"Hm? Oh, sorry, I was too busy admiring the view."

He let out a small laugh, "I can say the same to you too."

"I'm not sure if you remember, but I called you here the other day. I'm y/n."

"Ah, yes, my pretty doll. Glad I can finally see you."

"You know, I can't get my mind off of you. I even had a dream about you." You bite your lip, debating whether to tell him about the dream you just had or not, but then you decide to just go for it. 

"We were having sex and then you choked me. I couldn't breathe, but all I cared about was how good your cock felt."

"Is that so? Take off your panties, doll. Show me how good I made you feel."

He hums in satisfaction at the sight of your soaked panties, palming himself through the pants while he waits for you to take off your panties. Once you take it off, you spread your legs wide and adjust the webcam so he can get a nice view of your glistening pussy, but can still see your face as well.

"Fuck, baby. Even your pussy looks so pretty."

You start rubbing your clit in small circles, moaning from even the slightest stimulation. You throw your head back as you pick up the pace, the pleasure making you dizzy. His cock twitches in his pants, clearly enjoying the show you're giving him. He pulls out his hardening cock, letting out a breathy moan as he slowly strokes his length. The noises he makes catch your attention. You were so horny you forgot that you're still in a video call. Your breath hitches in your throat at the sight of his cock. It's even better than you imagined. His cock is long and thick, you can feel your mouth watering.

"I need you so bad," you whimper.

"Yeah? You want me to fill you up nicely with my cock?"

"Fuck, yes please. I want you to stuff me full with your cock."

You grab the vibrator next to you, turning it on before pressing it against your clit. You moan loudly from the sensation, mouth itching to scream out his name. But then you realize you don't know his name.

"Tell me your name, please?"

"Sorry, doll. I can't tell you that."

"Please? I want to scream out your name," you beg. 

"I can't–"

"Tell me your name, please! I'll pay you!" You cry out from frustration. You're so close and you have been holding back, wanting to scream his name as you cum. "Please, I'll Venmo you right now, just tell me your username."

He grew silent for a moment, considering your offer. He feels bad about using you, but he knows you're too horny to think twice before paying him just to know his name and the extra money would be nice. It's actually against the policies, but at this point, he's also too turned on to care.

"Jspark."

Once he says his username, you quickly grab your phone and send him the money. He glances at his phone when he gets the notification, smirking as he sees the amount of money he received.

"Oh my pretty doll, I didn't know you're such a pathetic slut. You're so horny you didn't even think before throwing your money at me just to know my name so you can get off." He laughs at you mockingly before telling you his name, "I'm Jisung. Go ahead and scream my name, doll"

"Jisung!" 

You scream his name as you finally let go, back arching against the bed from the pleasure. You moan loudly as you ride out your high. He pumps his length faster, chest heaving up and down. You reach for the dildo and rub the tip against your slit. 

“I would love to see that in your mouth, doll. Get it all nice and wet for me?”

You close your lips around the tip, grimacing at the taste of your arousal. You lean closer to the camera before pushing the dildo into your mouth. You look straight into the camera as you bob your head up and down, cheeks hollowing as you suck the toy. Jisung can feel his cock throb in need, wishing it was his cock in your mouth. He imagined you kneeling in front of him, wrapping your pretty lips around his cock as you look up at him innocently through your lashes. The idea of you deep-throating his cock pushes him to the edge. Eyes close while his jaw goes slack. His abdomen tensed as he dumps his load on his stomach. Jisung let out a breathy laugh when he realized that you had turned the vibrator on again, pressing it against your clit while you suck the toy. 

“Look what you do to me, doll. I came once and I’m still hard as fuck.” He says while pumping his cock. You remove the toy from your mouth and suck in deep breaths. The way you look at him innocently with tears in your eyes and swollen lips, Jisung swears he could cum again right then and there.

“I got this all nice and wet for you, Jisung.” 

“Good girl. Now, put that in your pussy and keep the vibrator on your clit.”

Slowly, you push the dildo into your core. A broken moan falls from your lips as the toy stretches you out. The slight discomfort from the stretch feels so delicious that you don't even wait for yourself to adjust.

"Fuck, I wish this was your cock instead." You flick your wrist faster, the angle making you brush against your sweet spot. 

"Poor baby, is it not big enough for you? You still need my cock to stretch you out, hm?"

Overwhelmed by the double stimulation, you can only babble nonsense in response. Your thighs tremble from the pleasure as you move your hips to meet the dildo halfway, pushing the toy deeper. You pick up the pace when you feel the familiar knot in your stomach once again.

"I'm so close." 

"I don't think you deserve to cum, doll."

"Please, Jisung, I can't hold it anymore!" 

Jisung throws his head back as he grips his cock while fondling his balls using the other hand. His cock twitching in his hand, signaling that he is also reaching his climax. 

"Beg me."

"Jisungie~ please?"

His head felt like spinning. The noises you make and the way you whine his name drives him crazy.

"Fuck, y/n. I love it when you say my name. Go ahead, baby. Cum for me."

You let out a long moan, legs shaking from the intense climax. Jisung's breath hitches in his throat, panting as he cums as well. For a moment, only heavy breathing and a soft buzzing noise can be heard while both of you catch your breath. You pull out the dildo and turn the vibrator off.

"Thank you, Jisungie. That was great." You give him a weak smile. 

"Likewise, doll. I haven't cummed that hard lately," he chuckles.

"Well, I think I'm gonna go now. Maybe I'll see you again next time."

"I'm counting on it."

You end the call and close your laptop. You slip under the comforter and decide to clean up in the morning. You drift off to sleep, hoping that you would dream about Jisung again.

[ponett]

with the fallout of bandai namco's idiotic "it's up to interpretation" bs, do you think that it's possible to enjoy queer media made in a corporate environment in addition to independent works? is it even worthwhile to attempt making queer media in a corporate environment? i find it special how well the g-witch production team managed to tell the story they wanted even with the challenges and pressures they faced, but i have to admit that independent works like slarpg are always going to more completely tell queer stories. as someone who has resonated with both slarpg and g-witch, i was curious to know your perspective.

i'm probably less cynical about this than a lot of my peers are - not that i can blame anyone for feeling cynical about queer rep from corporate-owned media. (we've been through so many First Ever Gay Disney Characters at this point, and lord knows blizzard loves to tease that another overwatch character might be gay every year or so as a PR move.) unfortunately it's just extremely hard to get something like a full season of an animated series funded and produced independently, so the artists looking to enter these fields and pour their hearts and souls into meaningful queer stories as a full-time job don't have many options

going indie gives you theoretically endless creative freedom to tell your stories without corporate censorship, but it's also a massive gamble. only an extreme minority of indie creatives in any medium are actually able to make a living. the fact that i came out the other side of slarpg's development with enough money that i can keep being a full-time indie instead of being in massive debt makes me one of the lucky ones. and even with my modest success, i sure as hell don't have the money to hire a whole team, which limits the scope of what i can make. so i can't turn my nose up at the queer people writing disney channel cartoons where they can't say the word "gay" out loud. they have health insurance, i don't. for most people, what i do is simply not an option

with the corporate-produced Queer Stories i enjoy, i'm often able to squint and see what the creatives were trying to do, wishing that they could have done more while understanding that they probably had to fight tooth and nail for what's there

in the realm of children's animation in particular, i'm thankful that the people working at these studios ARE fighting for more, because it means that kids today have so many more positive queer stories to relate with. i didn't have a single gay character i felt i could relate to until i read scott pilgrim at age 16 and saw wallace wells. before that, i felt so alone in the world. i denied who i was for years because it felt like there would be no place for me. i didn't know anyone openly gay in real life, growing up in the south, and in fiction gay people either existed as the butt of a joke or not at all. the fact that queer kids are now able to see people like themselves in so many shows means something, even if we still have a long way to go and the big studios continue to be a major obstacle

on the subject of g-witch, i'm honestly unfazed by the statement from bandai-namco. i guess i wish they could've let suletta and miorine kiss, but like... the text of the show is extremely blunt about them being a couple by the end. it's not up for debate. and it's not like a gundam series having a meaningful story in spite of the wishes of the toy-producing overlords is anything new, this is just our latest example

all that being said, i do think people should branch out more and explore more weird indie shit if they want more wholeheartedly, openly queer stories. people gotta suck it up and embrace more outsider art instead of only valuing things with studio-level production values. start looking at ren'py visual novels, rpg maker games, obscure webcomics, zines drawn in sharpie, artists on bandcamp who aren't signed to a label, all that jazz. maybe part of the reason why i'm not more fazed by the state of affairs with corporate-funded fiction is that i'm constantly surrounded by furry artists who are telling their own little gay stories

[theonceandfuturequeenoftarts]

Thank you for the tag, @mosiva! ♡♡♡

"Self-rec time! What are your favorite five fics that you've written and why? After replying to this ask, feel free to pass on to five other writers to spread the love. 💗"

Four of these were easy choices and one was trickier, but in no particular order...

thrown into the nest (T, 10,565 words, WIP)

This fic possessed me. The first chapter took over my entire life for ten hours during which I came up with and wrote the whole thing -- I couldn't stop until it was done and posted. Two or three days later, the same thing happened with the second chapter. It's like I was exorcising demons into a doc file. It's also notable because maybe a week or two before I wrote it, I told a friend I would never write ABO fic. More fool me.

I love this fic because it drew together so many ace people -- I've never felt a greater sense of community than I did in the hours after this fic was posted, seeing the comments of people who saw themselves in Harry and Tom's experiences. It blew me away, and I felt so happy to have done justice to some small part of the ace experience. It was a different type of joy, and a bit more cathartic, to write compared to other fics of mine.

VII (M, 2,609 words)

I think I've said it before, but I honestly thought this would be one of those weird little fics that I wrote for myself and maybe five other people would like. It's grown beyond what I originally meant it to be, and while I really, really love the sequel too, this one holds my heart. It's disjointed and dark (for me), and it's one of the few that I've written that actually has Harry and Voldemort start out hating each other and move through it. (What can I say, I mainly write crack and fluff.) They're both feral and damaged and violent and cling to each other all the tighter for it by the end. I also like making the Unspeakables ethically (and morally) dubious and research-obsessed, and this was my first foray into that.

naïve melody (G, 2,904 words)

The Ferris wheel fic; another fic that I thought maybe five other people would enjoy. I'm still proud of the wistful tone it has, and some of the turns of phrase, despite the crack-tastic premise. It's sweet and silly and it makes me feel warm to re-read it. It might also be my favourite Voldemort characterisation of all the fics I've written.

engrave the silhouette of you (M, 10,480 words, WIP)

Look... I just like hurting them, okay? I used the "angst with a happy ending" tag because I need everyone (myself included) to know it's gonna be alright in the end. I have made myself a crying mess multiple times in the course of writing or plotting out this fic. This is very much a "how would the characters react in this situation if X happened?" fic that has grown legs. It's fun (and painful) to put myself in Harry and Voldemort's headspaces and then put us all through the emotional meat-grinder. But it's going to be fine. Eventually.

Capsized (M, 948 words)

Fun, not-previously-shared fact: this fic started out as a way for me to process my maladaptive daydreams and suicidal ideations through Harry. All of the things he imagines or considers are things that I have, as well. (This makes the one comment that says "MAKE HIM SUFFER YASSSS" really, really funny to me.) I wasn't sure if I would ever post it -- it took me five months to decide to do it, because it's extremely personal. But it felt good to put it all into words and make it... "pretty," I guess? It's probably as raw as I can make it while also trying to fit it into the HP world and have it be enjoyable to read.

(Honourable mention goes to Prompt-ober 2023, because it almost killed me to do it, but it was so much fun to write everyday for a month and have the same folks comment each day and chat with them throughout the month (I love you all ♡♡♡). However, that's like twenty-five different fics in one, so it doesn't count.)

Tagging @liquidluckandstuff, @i-dream-of-libraries, @toast-ranger-to-a-stranger, @aglassroseneverfades, and @hikarimeroperiddle

No pressure, do it if it will be a fun distraction! ♡♡♡

(Note: I recently locked my account to registered users only because of an AI scraper targetting Ao3. If you don't have an account and would like to read any of the above, just send me a message and I'll provide a file ♡)

[ladyloveandjustice]

Fall 2023 Anime Overview: I'm in Love with the Villainess

Premise: Rae is reincarnated as the heroine of her favorite dating sim. But she has no interest in romancing any of the boys- she's head over heels for Claire Francois, the villainess of the game. Claire is horrified to find the major target of her bullying suddenly enjoys it, often pleading "step on me harder". But Rae isn't just here to flirt with Claire- she has a plan to save her beloved from a horrible fate.

I'm allowed to have a problematic gay fave. In fact, I would call it my right as a lesbian. And I enjoy I'm in Love with a Villainess a lot, despite some bumps in the road. It's tropey as all get out and a story that shows signs of having an inexperienced author, but it has real heart to it, it's full of joy, and connects with me in surprising way.

I'll try not to ramble too much, since I'm planning on writing a longer article on this series-- so keep your eyes peeled.

I'm in Love with the Villainess might not always be polished or expertly crafted, but it is very fun and entertaining. Rae ignoring all the male love interests to stan for her mean girl fave is ultra relatable to me, and her gremlin energy is off the charts. Claire is also a super fun character-- if you love ridiculous ojou-sama characters, she is max ojou sama. But she's also hiding a lot of insecurity and of course, a secret soft side-- her character arc over the course of the series is really satisfying.

However, Rae's pushiness might be a sticking point for some. Her worst moments are mostly contained to episode 2 where she does inexcusable things like ogling Claire while she's changing (against Claire's wishes) after having wriggled her way into a position as her maid (against Claire's wishes, though Rae does have secret noble reasons for that one). This is her worst moment and she calms down a bit from there as the story starts to find itself. Her pushiness remains, but gets a bit less uncomfortable as it becomes clear Claire likes her too.

This pushiness clashes a bit with a really interesting thing ILTV does--which is engage bluntly and honestly with homophobia and stereotypes. There's a great moment in episode three where the series. Rae is asked point blank if she's gay, she responds yes. When Claire moves away from her in response, it's pointed out to her that's a form of homophobia, and it's pointed out how screwed up it is to believe anyone who's gay is automatically going to creep on every girl they see. Rae also gently corrects someone who gives her the common "she just happened to be a woman, you're just falling in love with the person right? Your love just transcends gender?" line, (which is a common line that's used to avoid talking about queerness directly in manga and anime) with "no, I'm a lesbian, I only fall in love with women."

And yes, homophobes got big mad at this scene. How dare a yuri anime be gay! I'm in Love with the Villainess does not let homophobic yuri fans feel safe.

It's really refreshing to see a silly isekai series directly engage with stereotypes and lesbian issues like this, and it was a very pleasant surprise when I read the novels.

However, this message is a little muddled by the fact Rae did harass Claire, so Claire has every right to feel uncomfortable around her. The show does acknowledge this. The story makes it clear it knows Claire has a right to distrust Rae and it's her responding badly specifically to Rae saying she's gay is the problem. But it's still very weird to simultaneously have a "gay people aren't automatically predators!!!" coupled with "well also our gay main character does commit a little sexual harassment sometimes".

(Some of this weirdness could have been rectified if the story had character besides Claire act badly to Rae saying she was gay, and have them get the lecture, since the point was supposed to be that gay people don't hit on every member of the same gender they meet...but again, that point falls flat if the lecture recipient is Claire, since Rae has already been hitting on her).

I don't really begrudge the author this- Inori was obviously just engaging in the unfortunately typical anime tropes, but also decided to also use her story to passionately educate about and defend gay people and couldn't quite reconcile the dissonance. However, it is very "have your cake and eat it too".

But ILTV does do a very interesting thing with the common anime trope of the overly demonstrative lesbian character who does wacky hijinks and declares her love in a "funny" way. Rae reveals she's so used to being treated badly and rejected by friends and crushes for being gay that she treats her feelings as big joke as a defense mechanism. Because she’s so used to being rejected for her sexuality, she’s given up on earnestly pursuing Claire from the beginning. She doesn’t think she has a shot and she doesn’t want to risk being rejected. However, if she’s loud and obnoxious about her love for Claire, the inevitable rejection doesn’t hurt so much.

She makes it so Claire’s rejecting her for being a weirdo, not because she’s gay. If it's a joke, then when everyone laughs at it and dismisses it, it doesn’t hurt…and she can still be honest about and open about being gay. She can fool even herself and stay around Claire without any of that heartbreak and awkwardness that destroyed relationships the other times she confessed her love.

Rae's arc throughout the show is overcoming her assumption that Claire would be happier with a man and there's no point in earnestly courting her. She's so used to being degraded, she thinks it's impossible she could give Claire a good life and impossible that her real feelings will be accepted.

It doesn't excuse Rae's actions, but it does make her a very interesting character, and one that's meaningful to me as a lesbian. It adds surprising depth to a usually tired trope.

There's also some other interesting aspects of the anime, like how Rae simps for Claire but doesn't simp for her classism. She often gently challenges her on it, and the "commoner uprising" plot, while pretty weirdly paced and (temporarily) resolved, does treat the commoners sympathetically. Considering how other kinds of isekai regularly excuse shit like buying slaves, it's nice to see one that very much sympathizes with marginalized.

Though the commoner uprising plot does lead us to the other huge caveat with the anime- incest. Yeesh. There's a plot twist where it's revealed that side characters are in an incestuous relationship, and they're treated as tragic and sympathetic, they have a love that cannot be accepted, etc. The anime makes this worse by having Rae say "homosexuality isn't the only kind of forbidden love", which (unintentionally?) equates queerness and incest, which is something homophobes often do too. (The novels aren't innocent either, Rae laments "Why can't people be free to love who they want" at one point in a way that less explicitly equates the two things). However I was able to stand this because it's mainly executed as a plot twist. We don't get any details about the character's relationships, we barely see them even stand next to each other, and they're out of the plot fairly quickly. I can absolutely see this being a deal breaker for someone less numb to anime bullshit through.

And finally, a character comes in who acts fairly manipulative and skeezy towards Rae herself, though the drama she does stoke is great stuff.

So yes, I mean it when I say it has problems! But I find the fun shenanigans, blatant lesbian wish fulfillment, honest advocation for queer people, and the joy and earnestness of the series worth it enough I can grit my teeth through it all. It should also be noted that Inori, the author, is a trans lesbian, and that's another big reason why this is so special to many people-- it's a lot easier to forgive a new author for some uneven writing when she has a stake in telling queer stories.

The anime is obviously one that doesn't have a lot of resources (and I missed some of Rae's interior monologue, which gets more into what a nerd girl she is) but it does a decent job with what it had (though I would have liked it to condense or cut some of the magic duels and Rae doing harassment to focus more on the stories strengths, but alas). I have my fingers crossed for a second season, but the yuri don't tend to get those, so I'm not holding my breath.

Is ILTV's pacing sometimes weird? Yes, the commoner uprising doesn't get as much attention as it should. Is it sometimes clumsy? Oh yes. Do I still get a joy like no other when Rae kicks aside the screen prompting her to choose a male interest to yell for Claire instead, or when she fantasizes about herself and Claire being warriors together? Hell yes.

ILTV is often silly, often flawed, but you know what, queer people get to have our silly, flawed, but still occasionally touching stories as well. Straight people have has a monopoly on it too long. It's not a series for everyone, but it's a series that spoke to some struggling queer people regardless, and it's a series that makes me smile, and that's all that matters at the end of the day.

[ineffasaurus]

An (embarrassingly long) post of my gushing about good omens:

I’m 16, but I’m writing from when I was 12/13 So it’s almost the end of summer, 2019, I remember this moment as clearly as anything. As clear as tasting my favourite food for the first time ever.

I’m layed on the patch of fake grass on the patio, with a couch cushion to rest my chin on. I’m scrolling some good old 2019 TikTok, I see this random cosplay of a demon and an angel. This is where it all began. This was the birth of it all 😂. I didn’t know I was autistic at the time but it was and still probably stands as 1000% my biggest special interest. I just loved this show, the characters, the actors, the writing, and all the crew I researched and I especially grew this strong bond towards the two main characters .

Crowley and Aziraphale were like real people to me for a long time, their story got me through a lot, took me right through 2020 when I had no friends ; when I was stuck in most of the year, It was a perfect distraction.

I am so grateful for Neil, Michael, David and everyone in the fandom. The community wasn’t just about the show and the book, ( and the radio production lol ), it was so much more about how we all felt during this weird weird year, and how we looked forward to whatever new content Neil had for us as it helped us stay grounded in reality whilst also helping us escape into numerous worlds of fantasy. I bought the book, then the DVD, which came with these exclusive prints, that I cherished like a little weirdo and I stuck them on a piece of paper and made it into a poster, I remember tagging Neil on Twitter in which he reposted my stupid little poster and I went straight to tell my aunt who probably couldn’t care less. She did actually really support me in this obsession, she was invested as much as I was in the lives of the actors and booked tickets for me to go to a sort of comic con in Wales to see Michael in person. Me and my best friend at the time, had costumes all set up as Aziraphale and Crowley. It made me feel so special and really I’ve never had that same feeling about any other franchise. I don’t even feel that strongly about dinosaurs, but the feeling is similar. Like I happened to stumble on this perfect thing, perfect to me in a way that I still don’t understand. It just made me so happy, and that’s what I’m grateful for. I can’t believe looking back now we couldn’t see I was autistic because the way I knew every single little fact and tidbit about the show, the production, the references, the costumes etc, it was honestly something that should be written in history books.

So, back to Neil, I read about four More of his books and in doing so, fell back in love with reading for a while, Ocean at the End of the Lane was special to me, I liked how Neil did and still does blend magic with the mundane. It appealed to me. I also became interested in religious history in a way, not so much, but I liked to research the angels and demons that were represented in the show. This isn’t supposed to be an analysis of the show, although that would also be something I’d enjoy a lot. I just want to get all these words out of my head about this chunk of my life that shaped who I was because I was only around thirteen. Everything was changing in my life, I needed this one form of escapism. Thank you Neil, for good omens, it won’t be so special to everyone as it is to me, but I will always love it and I am unbelievably excited for this new season. Roll on that 2019-2021 obsession, She’s back for round two. 🫶😇😈

@neil-gaiman Thankyou :)

[kalims]

Fairytale anon part 3 haha

Don’t worry about it <3 it’s completely fine , it’s understandable and all on why you wouldn’t be able to do it, but I really appreciate your patience

I’d like to request dorm leaders again, with a trope like “falls first, falls harder”. I just think it would be cute too read,

ofc if you can’t do my request at all it’s all good!

also thank you for giving me a second time to request. It’s really appreciated so much since I love your writing and your literally so kind,😭💞 sorry for putting you through so much trouble

‎˃ ᵕ ˂ . . "let's play a game. say, if we fell in love who do you think would fall first or harder? ha! it's definitely you."

falling first, and falling harder,

today, we are unaware. tonight, you've realized. tomorrow, we're already smitten.

characters. dorm leaders.

includes. gn!reader.

wc. 5.1k for some reason.

cw. crack, actually mc on crack too, fire accidents, angst to comfort (giving), death (not major)

note. ong hi fairytale anon! honestly you're the patient one here t-t so thank you!! <3 I admit this is one of the favorite mc's I've written haha... why the heck is this so long

—ㅤriddle rosehearts ・falls first

"two plus two is equals to six because there is an additional two." you state without any ounce of doubt at all, blankly—yet so confidently.

riddle is stupefied at the relevation that he knows such a stupid person. so he recoils with a weird look on his face. "that's not how it works. there is no deeper meaning." he sighs.

if he had a penny for everytime you'd made his head hurt riddle would be rich.

he hates your sass.

"but what if it does though."

"(name)."

contrary to belief riddle is a pretty perfect guy but among the category of boyfriend material he's in the middle. like, hardstuck. if it was a competition his mother would be rolling in her bed because he won't stand a chance to win.

it's not because of his face or anything. in fact, he's gorgeous. it's about the sensitive attitude he has. seemingly blunt, harsh, and direct words but you know riddle best besides from his friends.

so it's only natural his real self would be slipping off, with you he has the chance to enjoy his life as a normal school boy. without the clutches of his mother who's fully intent on carving his path herself.

his mother would probably drag him by the ear if she hears that he's falling for one of the most stupid people she'd ever meet instead of one of the 'candidates' she reccomends.

it was during a messy time, when he realized.

messes were something riddle didn't exactly like.

and there's a whole lot right in the kitchen of his dorm.

the silence is prominent when he gets hit by a patch of dough that was probably still in the process of getting kneaded and he's sure whoever made the mess was sweating in their boots when he exhaled shortly.

"I have such good aim." you compliment yourself, laughing quietly and the traces of dough in your hands is full evidence that you are the culprit.

for some reason riddle can't bring himself to be angry by your smile.

he puts a palm over his head. "you. (name) it's five in the morning." without much regard to his words you shrug and casually pick up a new set of flour. "so?"

"so? why are you.." he eyes the items on the counter top. "..baking at five am? it's five am."

"who doesn't? hey don't you not know how to bake? I'll finally beat you in something." you joke.

for once riddle is forcefully dragging himself in the middle of something he hates.

he huffs. flicking his hand so that there's an apron magically on his waist. you make an amazed sound at your own apron tying itself around you.

"don't you know one of the basics for safety is an apron? just you wait, I'll be one of the best at this soon enough." riddle huffs. sure there's a routine he strictly follows everyday but it's a rest day, why not spend it timely? with someone he likes.

you're one mess be wouldn't mind getting caught in.

and you, this time you're the one that would fall harder.

you admit it's hard to like riddle first so early with his old, snappy self but given how much he's improved its starting to feel like you're some quarreling married couple at times.

so it just hits you hard.

I'm in love with him.

ㅤ

—ㅤleona kingscholar ・falls harder

(@ravynous girl, ravy... this for you 🥰)

"leona your little snookie pookie is too broke and is need for some madol to buy food for their pet cat." at some point grim admitted he didn't like to get referred as a cat so you just started doing it just to annoy him.

well he was built like a cat, save for the fact that he can stand on two feet. the rest of the people who were used to the norm of twisted wonderland did think otherwise.

their normal was a monster.

besides the concerning nickname you came up for yourself leona peeks an eye open from his sleep and stares at you blankly. "you don't have a cat."

you grin at him. "you wanna be my kitty then?"

"call me that again and I'll make sure you won't step a foot inside of savanaclaw ever again."

"oh! the horror!" for extra drama points you fall down and clutch your chest, rook would be so proud. "wherever will my grim poop in if not the haven of savanaclaw."

leona makes a disturbed look.

from the start before all the 'disgusting' love started it was friendship and leona can fully vouch the fact that the friendship was not consentual on his end.

you were like a stupid little roach on his fur, unable to shake you off since you're so intent on sticking up to him. and at some point leona didn't even bother to shoo you away when you totally not forcefully forced yourself into his schedule.

his schedule in question is just naps and you actually questioned it.

even ruggie is suprised he hasn't thrown you out of savanaclaw yet when leona has fully the power to do so without being questioned at all so how the hell were you still unscathed after practically insulting leona's whole existence? (which is honestly just being.. honest)

the answer to that is because he's secretly enjoying your presence that's what!

"do you not tend your hair? it looks like an overgrown bush that rolls around in deserts." you squint and poke the mess of strings that leona calls hair.

the man in question pretends not to feel your poke and merely grunts. "quit it. I'm trying to sleep here." he buries his face into the pillow deeper.

"when are you not?" you turn to face the ceiling. not pondering much of the fact that leona let you lay on his bed, with him. despite knowing full well you're probably just gonna disturb his sleep.

there's no answer.

you turn your head, only being able to see the back of leona's head. and the occasional movement alongside his breathing, it convinced you that he was sleeping soundly.

leave it to leona to sleep under five seconds..

"I'm really glad you're with me."

perhaps too drunk in your drowsiness to care about the words you're spouting there isn't much regard you put into thought when your mouth ran off.

and for once leona has never lost the will to sleep so fast.

or perhaps he's actually just distracted by the second flip his heart did.

what a pain. he turns over. hopefully you're true to your words, if you really are then he'd wake up beside you.

unlike riddle you're probably gonna be the one to fall first.

most people would think that leona's whole personality is a blank, boring canvas. just one color but it just seemed so interesting to you that you couldn't help but reach out.

maybe he'd never glance at you, or maybe he wouldn't even care but he's here, like straight out of your dreams you don't know since when you started catching the disease (feels) but imagine your suprise when you wake up and he's practically using you as a humanoid pillow.

oh. you should tease him about this once you wake up again because the sleep is really tempting you from how comfortable you are.

ㅤ

—ㅤazul ashengrotto ・falls first

if current azul told his past self 'you're gonna be in love' he probably would've started laughing quietly because the idea just seems impossible for him.

but he thinks it's you. "I don't think this looks good." azul sighs for the nth' time, clumsily pulling off the tie and coat you had dragged him to try.

you pout. "why not?" a little iffed by the fact that he doesn't like it or that you pretty much spent your whole allowance. azul however, remains blissfully ignorant.

he squints at you. "it's supposed to be a formal event. my clients would not take me seriously in such—" azul grimaced as he gestures at his reflection in the mirror. "—colorful, and clearly unprofessional attire."

you make a sad face.

"you just have no taste. and I want my thousand madol back."

by the look on his face it's a mixture of horrified and feeling bad. "it's not that I don't like it.."

"whatever. stay in your boring old tie, boomer. might as well do a cosplay of a mafia lord."

"what—"

in the spectrum of 'I hate you' but 'you're dear to me' azul would be on the verge of falling off in the middle. given how many situations he's lost plenty of braincells because of your shenanigans he isn't enjoying the tweels clear amusement of this.

but.

you're one of the people azul keeps very close in his inner circle. as much as he despises the twins antics he can admit he'll do the same for them as they did for him in his... overblot moment.

and as for you, he'll do it a thousand times.

between practically losing his mind when he'd get distracted during work because his brain just wants to make him suffer by thinking of you and all his decisions including your personal gain... azul can tell he's pretty fucked.

in the end azul didn't have the heart to not wear your gift.

"you look breathtaking." azul flushes. I picked the right color (aka his favorite). he thinks to himself. secretly glad that you decided to agree to his proposition.

you beam. "why thank you handsome man. it's only natural I wear the clothing you picked out for me graciously."

there's not a lot of times where azul has felt beautiful. in fact, he could count the times he did with one hand. but this time, it feels wholly different.

he feels pretty when you smile at him.

your eyes flicker to his collarbone area, glinting pleasantly at your own very pick sitting atop it. "I see you've chosen to listen to my good advice after all."

it is kind of embarrassing since he's standing out of a crowd with such a bright tie but if azul does say so himself, it's worth it if it meant seeing you look so proud.

azul covers a cough behind his hand. "it would be rude to leave it unworn."

maybe it would be strange but I find it fitting if the two of you fell at just the same time, just as hard cause who wouldn't? the scene itself is straight out of a dream.

and, it's hard to not notice azul's stare when you awkwardly realize that the other is wearing the gift both had given. a better word for it could be enchanted.

after you wouldn't know but just maybe, azul will keep the tie you'd given him tucked in the corner of his safe. away from the eyes of the twins who are probably dying to tease him about it.

ㅤ

—ㅤkalim al asim ・falls harder

"how in the hell do you set water on fire?!" you scream. frantically patting away the portion of your shirt that had literally got burnt off by the fire, before. you'd hyped yourself up to react well in a situation like this but it's like you're completely stupid now.

perhaps you should've declined when kalim invited you to make curry for jamil.

but he was so cute I couldn't deny. you think in regret.

one thing led to another and you underestimated how horrible kalim was at cooking, you just left to collect a few ingredients you forgot and somehow the boy in question was just in the process of setting his whole dorm on fire.

kalim; since he was the one who had set the fire aflame from the first place, is much in a worse state than you. "ah! my butt is on fire again!"

oh he was panicking like you.

"quick! stop, drop, and roll!"

kalim freezes, drops to the ground but rolls the wrong way.

"THATS THE WRONG WAY—DONT ROLL TO THE CURTAIN ITS GONNA CATCH ON—"

"fire?"

simultaneously,, both you and kalim freeze at an eerily calm voice.

jamil crosses his arms. "what are you doing? and what is going on here?" he sighs, massaging his temple like it's gonna lessen the two headaches he just got.

you answer blankly. "fire."

like a mother duckling scolding their two babies crossing the road without permission jamil ate you both out, listing possibilities that made the situation far more dangerous than it was (which is actually true). the whole time, kalim has this embarrassed, ashamed look on his face as he looks down.

surprisingly enough you had liked kalim immediately after your first meeting, whether it's platonic at first or romantic is entirely up to you. who could you even blame? his demeanor is like a sweet escape from all the evil-ness.

it's like.. being with kalim gives you a chance to feel human again because out of all the problems you've dealt with it's refreshing to have someone genuinely care and give for you when everyone's been taking it all from you.

for kalim, it's just natural for him to take care of everyone he knows. but somehow, he doesn't know why it's different this time. like he'd pick out a diamond out of a deep cave instead to go out his way for you to see how special it is.. (bad comparison?)

you mentally pray for kalim's cooking to succeed.

since mid terms were coming up, you were behind quite a few lessons since you were being taught.. elemental level knowledge, as embarrassing as it is.. well... everyone started there, (or so you try and convince yourself)

you weren't able to help kalim out with his ongoing attempt at making a curry.

so you're confused,,, he isn't carrying a curry right now and he's handing it to the wrong person.

"do you wanna try?"

"...what?"

it's probably idiotic of you to freeze up and stare but midst your confusion it was the only natural response. from what you remember, the food he made was supposed to be for jamil.

not you..

kalim tilts his head. as if asking you why you're so lost. "you don't like it? I thought it was your favorite."

yes.. right, that is your favorite. kalim is holding your favorite dish.

you sweat nervously and ask yourself if he's mistaken something, actually. you do. "no... it is but... I thought you were making curry for jamil?" the inner glutton of you grabs at you childishly. but for your sake, you shove it in a closet or something.

the troubled look on his face clears up. "oh! well.." kalim scratches his head with a nervous laugh, all looking lighthearted. "jamil didn't eat it cause he said it was ominous and somehow bubbling... so I asked him to help make your favorite dish instead."

you bite your lip to keep in the shit eating grin threatening to embarass your whole existence.

you had never felt the urge to bang your head into a wall, crawl into it, close the whole and start squealing on the other side (oddly descriptive) because what the actual hell? that was adorable!!

honestly after all that you can't blame yourself for falling first.

and maybe you'd notice that instead of expensive gifts you just started receiving priceless ones, memories, acts of service. love. who wouldn't love a guy who can buy a whole division but go out his way to learn cooking for you? (technically jamil made your favorite dish but eh... he's learning)

and who wouldn't love, you? nearly everyone in nrc disliked his sunny demeanor cause.. school of villians, pushed him away because of it and you, welcomed it. this time, he won't take something for granted.

ㅤ

—ㅤvil schoenheit ・falls harder but knew you fell first.

"that—" you screech shrilly, feeling even more pain at the watery prick at your eyes. "—HURTS."

vil sighs but narrows his eyes to focus on your eyebrows which he said to be 'uneven', going as far as fixing it himself. or so he says, 'he's doing you a favor' which he technically is but you had no idea it was this painful!

every strand that was getting picked away felt like a decrease of ten years to your lifespan.

unconsciously and certainly without your consent. your fingers grasp at vil's wrist and he lets you, only actually blinking at the warmth enveloping it but doing nothing else.

he shrugs away the warmth in his chest too.

"the beauty isn't worth the pain." you cry comically, gritting your teeth because.. people do this willingly? actually. does this mean vil does this on a daily basis? does he have high pain tolerance or something?

at your words vil smiles faintly, eyes flashing in nostalgia. "I thought of that before as well, you'll get used to it." he says lightly. pulling away and brushing a thumb over your eyebrow.

there's more?! "no way I'm gonna do this again.."

"beauty doesn't come without a price."

"good thing I'm broke."

vil despises your casual neglect to your appearance. if he isn't around, it's rook that got told to watch over you. in a way you're like a second epel but on a more intense degree since epel already knows how to take care of himself. this time, vil is taking care of you.

which he doesn't know why he's even doing in the first place. he guesses he wants everyone to see their best in themselves, or he's just making excuses to touch or; 'inspect' your face. but he isn't stupid. your crush on him was apparent, the wobbly smile when he gets too close is something he sees a lot.

you never acted on your feelings. stuck around, but never too much. did your constant presence direct such a huge influence in his life that he's starting to notice how he forgets he's not talking to anyone when he reminds you the air about hygiene importance.

vil is beauty.

in terms of words to describe him it's out of this world.

to see him without the usual front he bores; bare, naked. the persona he was afraid everyone would hate is all but standing in front of you. vulnerable, sensitive and lost. much unlike his confident self.

he knows.

the villian of the story will never lose and in the eyes of the world neige is the hero.

vil stills at the creak of his door, ultimately unable to move or wipe away the frustration down his cheeks. as far as he knew, no one dared to enter his room without his consent other than—

"vil?" you call out in a sing-song voice, he always scolded you to not do so lest you reveal much in public. fearing for your safety in denial. you pause at his obviously sad face, and sag your shoulders.

the joking in your face disappears immediately. "you okay?" you thin your lips and hesitantly step forwards until you silently urge vil to move to the side then sit next to him when he does.

you nudge his shoulder then dry his cheeks. later you’ll help him with his routine, you glance at the table. it seems like he was too disheartened to start, for now you'll comfort him.

maybe that's what vil likes about you.

you don’t give him pity, you're still yourself in situations like this.

and, you don't offer any words. knowing full well the most he needs is just your presence beside you.

truth to be told someone as ordinary as you could never afford to get the greatest beauty.

you didn't look at him like a doll in display, nothing greater than genuine appreciation for his beauty.

perhaps what vil needs is to get a taste of sought for someone instead of being sought for.

being appreciative is something vil rarely stumbles upon but there is a slight change to his attitude after the night. he was always the one helping everyone else with the routines and stuff so he stayed silent the whole time you did the routine for him instead.

like a child cluelessly receiving affection for the first time.

that was the first time he ever let someone other than a makeup artist touch his face, and the first time he dreamt of a happy ending.

ㅤ

—ㅤidia shroud ・falls first

idia hates co-op mode.

this applies to every game that has multi-player mode. most say it makes everything more easier but to him it's just,,, annoying.

this game in particular features direct join and people would start joining his world and taking rewards without permission at all. and he hates thieves! idia wishes that PVP was an option because no one could ever win against him.

the familiar ping of another player joining his realm makes him groan from behind the screen. whoever that was, their character loaded after a long time and when they started moving its like they were on mcdonalds wifi.

idia snickers. L bozo. maybe it was wrong for him to start slandering someone he never met but eh...

he expects an immediate exploration without his permission but the person very, very slowly makes their way towards him. freezing in the air midst their jumping around because of their wifi occasionally till they stop to his face and start jumping crazily.

the secret language... a jump means happiness and you need to jump back.

what is the intentions of this normie.. idia narrows his eyes.

yuurname: hi! can I take something?

no. idia thinks blankly but then again it's rare to have someone come in and ask.

hercules666: k. what do u need?? don't take the mushrooms.

yuurname: I was gonna get the mushrooms but I dont wanna leave empty handed so can I have u instead

the team has been changed.

idia doesn't know whether to combust or cringe.

through online, technically that is where idia first met you. that was wayyy before the two of you found out that you were attending the same school and you were literally online friends (self-proclaimed or whatever idia said) with the shut in dorm leader of ignihyde. joking around and throwing around playful flirting!

idia never intended to friend you in the first place. in fact, he rejected the first friend request then the next ones. your record was sending him about ten requests one day but the daily average was only once a day. other than ortho, idia doesn't have another friend since his old friend pranked him all the time and couldn't even get the ingredients right... in. a. game.

(guess who haha)

since then you always joined him whenever you're on. neglecting your tasks to help him decorate his house, and somehow adding your own touch to some corners of the place. idia doesn't know why he gave you owner permissions to edit his house but he tries to deny that he doesn't like the cute silly little things.

plus you actually have a pet cat like him in the game!

hercules666: how come u started friending a random (idia) obsessively?? yandere behavior tbh

it was true. it was really random of you to start being intent on being his friend after like what? three minutes of being in his realm?

yuurname: Lol I thought ur realm was rlly pretty and u looked rich

you just downright admitted that you were out for his cash but idia can't bring himself to be angry. he fights away the growing flush on his face, no one had ever complimented his builds before!

there's a giddy feeling in idia's chest.

your character teleports to idia's house, and the man in question actually added a bed next to him after you totally did not blackmail him. trudging past your lovely cat, and idia's cat who somehow kept following the other.

despite standing still he can still see you run to him jumping until your avatar is standing in front of him.

you jump frantically in excitement, joy.

cute. idia thinks.

what? he slaps himself and wills his hair to stay blue.

this time he responds with a jump back. unlike the first time you met.

yuurname: also ur avatar looked like sum1 I thought looked cool irl

you may not know hercules666 is idia shroud but he knows you are... you. so hearing that,,, no matter how many times he tries to convince himself that many people have blue hair he can't deny the resemblance to his avatar and himself.

it's him. you think he's cool.

idia excuses himself to scream in his pillow.

idia, is too anxious to even think of meeting up with you in real life. (plus.. he just developed massive feelings overnight and he'll start malfunctioning if he's a radius within you) but what he does like is looking through the school camera during your classes to see your various moods, from anger, annoyance and sadness.

when it's sadness he wants to comfort you but doesn't exactly know how.

during the time he grew balls to tell you through in game chat. you replied casually; yuurname: oh ik that haha I knew u the whole time it was obvious lolol that's why I stayed :)

did you just tell him that idia is cool knowing full well he's idia?!

ㅤ

—ㅤmalleus draconia ・falls first but just as hard

love is like a fleeting feeling.

people come and go. malleus knows this fact very well, it's only both a curse and blessing that he's exempted from this. no matter how much he wishes, malleus can only witness the ups and downs of his life.

sure. human lives are fleeting but his love will always stay eternal. in a way throughout the years he's learned to let go of lives that are bound to go sooner of later. lilia had taught him it was better to be prepared anyways.

malleus never questioned how many loses it took for lilia to get used to it.

for some reason it's like he forgot how to let go this moment. like his child-like self just came back to cling on a life he can't steer away from death.

"tsunotaro what is your home like?" malleus knows that you're far from home, maybe you just want to reminisce about your loss. but he masks the concern on his face with ease.

malleus smiles in nostalgia. when was he last asked such a question? no person was ever too brave to strike a conversation. "it's beautiful. there is quite a variety of fae. perhaps you'd like to meet them one day?"

you look excited. "wow. very descriptive." you joke. clearly teasing him about the one word he described his home. though malleus doesn't look particularly bothered, instead. he smiles even more.

"why thank you. you always flatter me, child of man."

you deadpan. "totally."

technically in the canon game it's very clear malleus has taken a liking to mc and aside from malleus being blissfully ignorant towards jokes, he's quite lovable. you don't know how everyone else managed the heart to practically ignore his existence but.. he is quite scary so you don't partially blame them. (well this is a school for villians so)

what malleus likes about you is, well. of course the fact that you aren't scared of him. you're quite fascinating to him given how far he's managed to stick to you multiple times and there's no doubt he'll come swooping in to save you from wherever and be the one to care for you when no one bothers to.

to everyone it's like you're already clearly in love with each other because let's face it. who the hell wouldn't if they saw how you're both acting like a literal couple? malleus scares away someone when he's jealous but somehow you thought it was just dragon nature. (which it actually is but come on! he looks like he's willing to lock you up in a tower..)

crowley had granted you permission to leave on a special occasion for some reason.

so of course it came as a suprise. since... it's crowley.

to this day you wonder what the hell possessed him but eh... a break is a break and you're certainly not missing this chance. still, it's curious on why he even gave you one in the first place.. you were certain crowley was gonna work you to the bone.

though you're a little nervous when you took up malleus' offer to travel to briar valley, his home. full of fae who's ancestors probably died because of a human.

yes this is perfectly fine.

other than the wary glances. malleus and the rest of diasomnia that came were very kind to you, patient in explaining their culture (except for sebek but you deemed his derogatory speaking his love languange).

it was very fun. from meeting the little fairies, traversing through various shops, resting at the natural scenery. it was a really nice new experience for you. the food sure was a little strange but it tasted all the way better.

time passed by so fast when you were enjoying yourself and apparently malleus wanted you to meet someone.

but he should've told you that you were gonna meet the queen! if you knew you would've made the effort to look more organized!

"um.. hi."

so you feel kind of shy in front of such a prominent figure. you wave quietly at the beautiful lady who still maintains a certain grace at her golden age. she smiles lightly at your behavior, seemingly amused.

wait aren't you supposed to bow? you think awkwardly, bending forward to showcase your respect.

malleus is beside you, staying silent but quite happy at your interaction with his grandmother.

her voice sends shivers down your spine. it's quiet, yet so booming. she couldn't probably silence a whole room with a single word. "hello, it's not a common sight to see my grandson bringing someone in." she looks happy, bringing her eyes to malleus then to you again.

her eyes crinkle. "more or so a human.. how interesting hehe.." you sweatdrop. were all fae so..? mischievous. she seems not that alike with malleus save for their matching green, emerald eyes.

"what's your name. child of man?"

is this where he got it from?

"(name) your highness."

she looks pleasantly suprised. "oh. I knew you were the one my grandson always talked about.. you should see the letters he's written about you." what. you can't hide the awkward laugh you emit. then realizing you're in the presence of royalty and probably shouldn't be laughing.

you shut up a second later.

malleus doesn't look fazed at all. has he never experienced having his grandparents revealing embarrassing secrets because if you were him you'd crawl into a hole immediately.

calmly, she says; "you must really be dear to him."

"they are."

malleus doesn't even hesitate.

this time. he feels like clinging onto a life again, he'll be with you for as long as he can.

[courtney-deserved-better]

seeing as it’s now been one year since the last chapter of slippery slopes was posted, i decided to make a big sappy post talking about what this fic has meant to me over the last two and a half years

i started writing slippery slopes after a bolt of inspiration struck me on this post. i’d tried writing my fair share of long fics prior, most of them remaining unpublished and all of them unfinished. i’m not quite sure what made me think i could write slippery slopes other than a strong desire to write the alenoah fic i wanted to read but that didn’t exist at the time. slippery slopes was the 30th fic posted in the alenoah tag, which didn’t have any finished long fics at the time. i think if you told 2021 pj that in two years there would be over 600 alenoah fics, many of them tdwt rewrites, their head would explode.

i honestly had no idea what i was jumping into when i started writing slippery slopes. looking back, i was very insecure about my writing. i’d actually forgotten about that until i was reading some posts i’d made while i was still writing it, where i wondered if i was going to be able to pull off the miscommunication plotline and the unplanned alecourtney friendship. almost every announcement of a chapter draft being completed included me saying i felt weird about it, or thought it was bad. i felt incredibly uncomfortable writing serious angst and when that started playing an important role in the fic at around chapter seven i feared that my writing was awful and other people would dislike it the way i had. i genuinely don’t think it hit me that slippery slopes was a popular fic until a few months before it became the most kudosed fic on ao3.

back then, i was able to understand why other people liked slippery slopes, but i couldn’t read it without cringing. i’m not sure when exactly the switch flipped—probably after i finally finished it and was able to distance myself from the writing process—but it became a fic that i’m incredibly proud of. i can reread it now and enjoy it without cringing in the slightest. i was able to see my writing as good, and well-crafted. i will always appreciate slippery slopes as a fic where i grew incredibly as a writer. i understand how to plan out long fics while still allowing for spontaneity. i can comfortably write angst. i feel strong in my choices for characterization and friendship even if it may seem unconventional. i have so much more confidence in my writing now, and a lot of that is thanks to you all.

other than desperately wanting an alenoah tdwt rewrite fic, a huge part of why i wrote slippery slopes was because i felt lonely in the td fandom and was hoping that this fic could connect me with more people out there. and boy oh boy it sure has. and not just the plethora of alenoah shippers—way more than i expected—but there were also people who didn’t ship alenoah, but still stayed for the story, and people who had never considered alenoah but gave my fic a chance and ended up shipping it anyway. when i didn’t believe my writing was good, there were many, many kind commenters who showed my fic love and encouraged me to keep going with it. and even now, there are commenters whose fresh excitement make me feel like all the time i spent on this fic was so, so worth it. and they all inspire me to keep writing. 

i may be a good writer, but i don’t think i can ever fully express what everyone’s support has done for me. i still struggle to wrap my mind around the fact that there are dozens of drawings of my fic that you all have made! that’s crazy! i am so, so lucky to have such wonderful readers, and i hope you all know how incredibly grateful i am. slippery slopes would not exist without you. this was a joint effort. it’s amazing to me how a spontaneously started fic for a crackship ended up changing the total drama fandom landscape the way it did. who would’ve guessed that a simple whim to write an alenoah fic could become quite the slippery slope.

[laylawatermelon]

70.6 - 7.07 Speculation/ Buddie Meta

I am a writer y'know hehe

So, Buddie is happening.

Now let me explain.

Bi buck always existed, but the problem is that most of his consistent emotional relationship one could argue realistically romantically has been with a man he's known for years.

But has always been bi yes, but he's also been in love with his best friend for a really long time.

Friends to lovers where Y'all at? I see y'all madney truthers

Anyways I understand but what has kind of been bothering me is the fact that Buddie the ship has been abandoned/negated as not an important past of the puzzle for bi buck realization despite the fact that Eddie is physically present throughout his entire relationship/storyline.

I could argue that because they're mirrors to each other (corny soulmate type shit is perfect for network tv) this is the best way to ease people into it.

Buck and Eddie are the two beloved firefighters (and respective sex symbols). They have an appeal for the straight audience for that reason.

Lou already spoiled it but he's only here for a while.

There's been almost blatant explanations and dialogue that leads to the fact that this relationship is going to directly lead into buddie one way or another.

Tommy has from the beginning suspected that Buck (I'm calling him Evan in my head in regards to him and it's so weird 😖) and Eddie have an unusual relationship or that Buck is in love with Eddie at least.

(MY attention? is the biggest example.)

My prediction is that their mirrors of each other, the parallels, and red flags pop up too often now.

I know they're still writing the show and are likely watching audience engagement and ao3 (I'm watching you Tim ik you're here I'm new but ik you got shooters out here) for where to go with the story.

In Eddie's (frankly oddly portrayed) plotline is related to his Catholic guilt and his nonexistent relationship with Marisol (no last name?). As the episode maybe suggests they don't know their partners well enough.

Shame to Eddie because it's been months in universe like come on man. In Buck's it's literally been a few weeks, and most of the time Tommy spent with Eddie and not with him.

I like them as a couple and find them affordable. I can't quite bring myself to ship them or be as enthusiastic as others and that's okay.

I still admire the relationship they have and won't bash others for enjoying it.

Hell they still have Taylor and Buck enjoyers and maybe even Abby (i assume I haven't met any honestly).

The reason why I'm a bit confused on why Buddie isn't being all that embraced as a vital part of the storyline is because in a way it is.

I think it spurred the writers on to lean into it heavily due to the actors chemistry and portrayal of the relationship.

Now I'm not saying he wouldn't be bi regardless, because he's always been written that way.

His interactions with worm guy, a gay married couple, Carlos (who I've been waiting to say this but I can't hold myself any longer is Latino, shorter than him, brown eyes, dark hair - Eddie lite/he had a bit of a type aka cute guys.)

I clocked him flirting with him with his cute fact spilling as a way of affection because I do it to to people I love. (🤗i love my ADHD rep!) When he saw him look at the girl he became more platonic in his interactions. Then there was Eddie.

And Eddie honestly is the biggest part of the puzzle.

Yes he likes Tommy, and I don't deny he likes strong confident (suspiciously Eddie shaped 😂) guys.

He has always been attracted to strong personalities regardless of gender.

I do think he did pursue him and I think because Tommy is gay he recognized the flirting Buck does with both men and women as that, flirting.

Eddie doesn't count cause he has a whole can of worms he gotta figure out himself.

If Buck had consistent scenes with an out queer man on the show he'd have been at least clocked. (Eddie was kind of in the way with Josh and the Dispatch crew/his gaydar pinged a lil around him)

I've been saying that now that he's canonically bisexual and it's a known fact, you can't deny he's quite literally been flirting with his best friend the entire show (as a coparent??? Idk man they both said they skip steps/impatient 🤷🏾‍♀️).

When new fans watch it it's obvious, when older fans recall it it's either enlightening or redefining that relationship regardless.

The red flags that are coming up is Eddie's statement of moving too fast and Buck literally moving to fast with his second date (i assume idk how in world time works it's a tv show 🤷🏾‍♀️) being his sister's wedding.

Realistically I know you only invite people to events like that if you're fully committed to each other for a long term thing.

I'm not saying that he's on his wheel but in a way I'm tilting my head at some similarities of Tommy and his past relationships and Buck's tendencies.

Buck will be Buck.

Tommy knows him as Evan, and calls him such.

Which didn't get me wrong cute or whatever but rubs me there wrong away, because we know he prefers Buck as it's his chosen name for a reason. It's defined him and been contextualized and even accepted by his parents.

I believe in calling people the name they choose to be called and I just don't like when that's ignored.

It also doesn't help that he continues to call him that in an episode called You don't know me (you can Even tie it in to Marisol No last name) that deals with identities and lack of knowledge.

Buck has spent most of his remaining twenties with that identity and has defended it so the casualness of him calling him that unnerves me.

It's meant to close the distance and be portrayed as romantic but it can also be interpreted as him seeing Evan, not Buck when with him.

But I did see a post that changed my perspective on calling a name with love instead can recontextualize the meaning of it and I found that sweet and fitting. In that case I can swing either way about it.

If it does make him more accepting of that side of his identity that's great that he's beginning to heal from a path when his name/personhood was used as a weapon or item.

But, I also still feel a bit iffy that it's not interchangeably used with Buck because his family and everyone he knows calls him that. Even his previous romantic partners did and I didn't mind him being called it but I would like it if both names would be used as that is the new part of him where Evan exists as well.

Also narratively they spent too much time on defining his name and what it means to him and everyone around him to not show the importance of his identity being acknowledged in a new unfamiliar relationship.

(whew i think I'm just mad at the writers or this may just be on purpose who knows 🤷🏾‍♀️)

I'm getting to the meta I promise I'm just finally processing what's been plaguing me about this relationship and i gotta let the monster out

That would also explain why he doesn't know the ADHD rants that Buck blabs on about.

But then again the episode is called you don't know me and they weren't even friends he just jumped into a relationship.

(ps you can just start dating someone and learn as you go I'm just saying 🤷🏾‍♀️)

The biggest problem with their relationship is that he's in love with his best friend.

He literally only began to open up and flirt when he realized that he wasn't a romantic threat to his family.

(Which trifling Buck! Your man can't get wined and dined?? He deserves love too!/j)

He literally relaxed/his shoulders open up when Tommy assures him that his son still loves and idolizes him and that Eddie still likes him and he's irreplaceable in his life.

After that's secured he begins to make his move and become more flirtatious (cough sexually open cough) to this confident man in his kitchen in the dim lights and glowy atmosphere.

Damn I'd kiss him too 🤷🏾‍♀️ (if I was a guy ofc)

I also didn't like the parallels of Buck being left (which has happened with his female love interests) and then Buck still having to reach out.

I don't think Tommy is bad for Buck, but I'm still not convinced that he's 100% good. But then again he's been here literally a two episodes and barely any screentime.

And the one he does makes it seem like he's interested but not too invested.

(which makes sense and I will elaborate a bit later in the meta speculation)

The Tommy that everyone is talking about exists solely in fan spaces and head canon and that's why I think I can't get into it. The facts of him are plain in the show but in the fan spaces he has a different image.

Which valid, once again he's almost a blank sheet of what we wish a Buck gets and deserves in a love interest but that's what he is as of now. A blank-ish sheet. Kind of like a projection sheet for movies.

Tommy seems like a caring partner and sure of himself. He's shown himself to be funny, considerate, and as unhinged as the rest of the 118 (ah the fruity fire badasses).

Also i wanna point your Buck likes em a lil older sometimes haha

But back on topic, I can see Tommy being like Natalia (which makes sense as that storyline could've been used) In the fact that he sees that the space in his life is occupied and respectfully backs out.

My meta for 7.06 is this.

Tommy helps out somehow. Buck is ecstatic rightfully so.

They kiss dance and are cute.

The family is very welcoming, the 118 is still loving, but then he sees something that affirms his suspicions.

It's a normal scene for us.

Either Buck is taking care of Chris and then talks to Eddie.

He sees the look in Buck's eyes and the fondness there. He looks at Eddie and sees the same on his face.

He notices how they work together and laugh, them at the family and life he's built all around him, and decides he can't be apart of this. There's no space for him.

It feels too real too fast and he'll only end to heartbroken because he's just interested, not invested yet.

So he gracefully bows out and let's him know that he has enough love in his life if he'd just look for it.

(i also found out he used the word interested in the cafe scene where i recognized it as the ana date. Also Buck was wearing a white patterned shirt and i had a heart attack because it wasn't great the last time he wore it 😬)

Then it leads into ghost of a second chance.

(now imma say this i will be posting more specs about the these episodes I'm just on my buddie storyline juice rn)

This is now Buck trying to salvage/figure out what went wrong and maybe try to contact him again.

In the case of Marisol it's safe to assume they break up, the reason why isn't clear.

It could be related to his sisters disapproval of their relationship (as they're supposed to be coming out did the show forget??) or apprehension towards her as they've been raised/watched him grow up.

They know what makes him happy.

For ghost a second chance I didn't have much buddie assumptions but I'm pretty sure that one is more in relation to other members of the cast most likely and maybe Buck trying to salvage his relationship.

7.08-10 isn't complete so who knows🤷🏾‍♀️ how they must switch it up for more drama?

But I will say, we gotta dive into the Eddie of it all.

Y'all thought I forgot about him?

The bi Buck storyline isn't complete without Eddie either romantically or platonically.

In real life their queer storylines were always interchangeable and they're both feeling out the GA and fans reaction.

Buddie not going canon doesn't make sense because realistically it's one of the biggest ships and the most talked about things for the online fans.

It's a good reason many fans started (me included🙋🏾‍♀️) and stay (if the beautiful found family didn't hit it for them).

The way that they were both discussed and Ryan is fine with Buddie still kind of matches his character honestly. Demi Eddie is a head canon and honestly Eddie would only be comfortable with dating a man at this stage of his life if it's someone he loves already aka Buck.

There could be other reasons but as a Buddie warrior truther (as they named it which is still so insane) as his old interviews alluded to the fact that he loves Buck so much he can't really see himself with another guy he just met like that.

He also maybe wanted a easier storyline as he had always been a bit of a heavy character.

For women it's easier as he's raised to do it and it's "natural" or right for him to do so.

His parents said it, the church says it, God says it so it must be right.

He loves commitment, has said he's a nester and constantly yearns for a family unit.

The only family unit he knows of it feels is acceptable due to his upbringing is man, woman, child.

Not that he's homophobic cause duh, HenRen is literally there, but his standards and pressure doesn't even let him fathom it for himself.

It's also likely if the demi part is true, he's highly unlikely to be like Buck and view others sexually and even realize he's able to have a family/relationship with a man.

I suspect no Buddie this season. I actually hope and pray for it.

Because from both a business and story point it's best to keep the will-they won't-they into season 8 to keep viewers engaged/tuning in and not to rush the story and get some really good emotional moments.

I won't lie I miss the angst we got in the other seasons and as a result the show's identity with Eddie has faltered a bit.

I didn't love episode 5 but I didn't hate it. I still enjoy the show and if they feel a bit unusual it's okay.

There were still some great moments in it.

Eddie's character is now happy but as a result he's also somewhat unfamiliar (that speaks to the whump heavy storylines he has) as he seems less mature. You can argue now that he has a stable support system he's able to let loose because he knows his needs will be covered.

That's also a great point and easy way of showing his development.

His Catholic guilt now that it's been introduced will have to be deconstructed as he will have to redefine his life, what he's looking for/allow himself to be and dare to dream of a life not given to him by someone else or pressure.

This season he's only just started to accept things that make him feel good (which for now is Marisol) and be open and honest about it.

I can argue it is a great sign of improvement of his character.

A bit ooc portrayal yes, but the message of looking deeper still applies.

This can apply to Buddie probably leading through the next half of season 7 by being ramped up and then going full speed ahead season 8.

At the time though since they're still writing they may take a hard right turn and keep it platonic (😭).

But what would be inevitable is Eddie's coming out/self discovery arc that isn't tied to the church or sense of duty.

Which yay! More self discovery I love the message of finding yourself lasts throughout your life and due to life's unexpected events you can change to be a better version of yourself all the time.

We got bi buck (which evidently was influenced by Eddie in some way) now let's free Eddie to even if they didn't do it for Buddie (once again😭😭😭).

Now that I've got it mostly off my chest I'm definitely gonna do an analysis of the parallels and the way it's played pt.2 (and more as seasons passed cause Ryan and Oliver 😘 muah 10/10 no notes).

Okay bye.

[nereidprinc3ss]

so um, you’ve probably have been asked this many times but how do you start writing fanfic without cringing at yourself? i already feel silly for reading it. i noticed you have gained recognition outside of tumblr which i believe to be an achievement but i can’t allow myself to go through that.

i work in the finance sector at a big american firm, i can’t have my coworkers knowing i’m writing fanfic. i already get teased for watching disney animated films (which it’s not that bad) how do you deal with this? ik you’re still at college and ofc, this doesn’t mean you’re stupid but i bet you know what i mean? do you have some advice on this?

⚠️me not shutting the fuck up and getting way too personal below the cut

honestly at first i DID cringe at myself. i cringed so much that after posting my first fic in like november i dont think i posted again til january because i was writing and would just get so humiliated despite being alone and no one knowing who i was or what i was doing LOL but honestly the way i got over that was just to do it more because i truly love writing and why would i let feeling “cringe” stop me from doing something i love and that makes me happy? that would be so heartbreaking, life is hard enough, we deserve to do things we love and are passionate about without judging ourselves so harshly

as for not letting other people know well yeah i just don’t tell my friends or anyone ik in real life that i write fanfic lol, they know i love to write and they know im obsessed with spencer reid but that’s as much as i’ve told them! i know it’s a thing that maybe most people would consider “weird” but as someone who has a crushing fear of intimacy this is kinda my outlet lmfao. and it made me feel really insecure and weird at first but then i realized like… i try to be kind and caring and thoughtful, i have a lot of good qualities and the fact that i write fanfic doesn’t actually detract from any of them. it also helped for me to accept the reason why i write fanfic which is (and we’re abt to get real personal) i’m deeply afraid of intimacy of any kind and always have been so writing fiction abt the stuff i’m too scared to do isn’t a bad thing. there are a lot of people who wouldn’t understand it but they don’t have the same experiences as me and i don’t need them to understand it because i know that they never could. like they don’t understand what it’s like to so terrified of being known by another person that you obsess over the hottest guy in your school district for six months bc you want the validation of him liking you back and you do everything in your power to make him like you and then when he actually does reciprocate you immediately start icing him out to the point where he says hi at a party and you ignore him to his face cause you’re so afraid of men😂😂😂😂😂 they don’t get those vibes!!!

anyway basically you just have to remember that you’re doing it for you and it actually doesn’t mean something is WRONG with you if you enjoy writing and the safety and control that fiction offers you. it just means you’re one of billions of people living an entirely unique experience, just like anyone else, and honestly i think it makes you interesting. having hobbies and passions is rlly sexy and cool, regardless of what they are, and you deserve to do stuff you like doing. if anyone else is giving you shit abt it it’s probably because they genuinely don’t understand what it’s like to have interests and that makes me feel bad for them lol