#honestly. why haven’t i been MORE cringe about this fic?

[sapphicflower-ao3]

this is taof bkdk in my head

[darkficsyouneveraskedfor]

All In 12

No tag lists. Do not send asks or DMs about updates. Review my pinned post for guidelines, masterlist, etc.

Warnings: this fic will include dark content such as noncon/dubcon, age gap, power imbalance, low self esteem, and possible untagged elements. My warnings are not exhaustive, enter at your own risk.

This is a dark!fic and explicit. 18+ only. Your media consumption is your own responsibility. Warnings have been given. DO NOT PROCEED if these matters upset you.

Summary: you meet a mysterious man on a night out with your sister. (petite!reader)

based on the winning option for this poll

Characters: casino owner!Bucky Barnes

Note: I'm tryna rotate as much as possible.

As per usual, I humbly request your thoughts! Reblogs are always appreciated and welcomed, not only do I see them easier but it lets other people see my work. I will do my best to answer all I can. I’m trying to get better at keeping up so thanks everyone for staying with me.

Your feedback will help in this and future works (and WiPs, I haven’t forgotten those!) Please do not just put ‘more’. I will block you.

I love you all immensely. Take care. 💖

Her name is Margot. She’s talkative but kind. She guides you through everything with patience. Tells you when to close your eyes and look up, how to hold your head, when to pucker your lips. She even explains exactly what she’s doing and why she’s doing it. Despite her demeanour, you still feel utterly stupid. Rather, you feel inadequate. 

Another woman shows up shortly after, as a brush traces the line of your cheek. She introduces herself as Darla, she has a whole rack of dresses lined up for you. Another inward cringe threatens to compress your lungs. 

As Darla presents you with options, you find it hard to breathe. It’s all so overwhelming, especially as a third woman, Erica, appears to do your hair, and a fourth, Nia, to tend to your nails. You could faint as you’re pushed, pulled, and prodded from all sides. 

“I like the red,” Margot suggests as you hem and haw.  

The dresses are all nice but you don’t even know what you’re picking it for. Honestly, none of them suit you. Too much skin for your liking. Not that that stays much; your comfort is jeans and baggy tees.  

Erika hums, “what about the teal, lovey? I do think you’d look marvelous with those cutouts.” 

“Yes, it is a pretty colour. You have the complexion for it,” Darla remarks. 

They’re all so nice but there’s something pitying in their voices. You feel like a child. You don’t belong here. You especially don’t belong with Bucky, apparently, he knows that too. Why else would he have these women plucking and picking at you? 

Margot finishes and brings you a mirror. As you see yourself, you blanch. It’s not bad. In fact, she’s done better than you could ever manage but you don’t look like yourself. You don’t feel like yourself. If he wants you to be someone else, you don’t think you can do that. 

You feel yourself shrinking. Your shoulders slump and you wilt, stuttering but unable to say a word. Margot touches your shoulder. 

“What is it? Hon, have I done something wrong?” 

“No, no,” you croak and bring your hands to your throat, “it’s nice. Really nice but... I need some air.” 

“Of course, Darl, Nia,” she shoos away the stylist pinning your hair, “let her up.” 

The women back off and the fourth watches you from the rack, still holding a sparkly black get-up. You search the room and swiftly head for the door. You let yourself into the hall, fanning yourself with your half-done acrylics. You’re happy at least they aren’t long. 

You pace back and forth, watching your feet pass over the pattern of the hotel carpet. You can run. You could just leave right now. The thought only makes your stomach hurt. No, you can’t. Not after he’s gone to all this trouble. You’d hate to seem ungrateful. 

You continue your incessant laps back and forth outside the door. You hear footfalls from around the corner and pause. You should go back in before someone sees you. You grab the handle. Shoot, it’s locked. You wiggle it as a shadow appears at the end of the hall. You gulp and peer down. 

It’s him. You lean on the door and face Bucky. He wears a dark blue jacket over a black shirt and black pants. There’s patterning sewn into his jacket, subtle spirals all around. His dark hair his combed back to the ends flip out behind his ears and his dark beard glints with silver strands, a patch more obvious on his chin. He’s strikingly handsome. So much so, you can’t understand why you’re there. 

His brows form a vee as he nears and he tilts his head, a tick in his cheek, “what’s going on, doll?” 

“Um, just... locked out,” you turn the handle again to emphasize your point. 

“No, what’s....” he looks at you and gestures up and down with his hand, “no, this won’t do.” 

You blink and pout. After all that and you’re not good enough. He raps on the door with his knuckles and there’s some scuffing from inside before Margot opens it. She steps back to let you in and greets Bucky by name. 

“This isn’t what I wanted,” he urges you ahead of him, his hand firmly around your arm, “it’s too much. She doesn’t need all this. I told you, just a little enhancement. I don’t want her looking like a Barbie.” 

“Sorry, sir, it’s... standard.” 

“Doll,” he stops you with him as he plants himself near the racks of dresses. The women watch him anxiously. “What do you think? The make up; you like it?” 

You peer around and stare at Margot. She worked so hard and it isn’t that it’s bad work. She made you look gorgeous but you just don’t like all the layers. You slant your mouth one way then the other. 

“Be honest,” he insists. 

“I... It’s pretty but a bit... heavy?” You eke out. 

“I agree,” he lets you go, “I appreciate the hard work, Marg, but I want to see her natural beauty shining. And these dresses...” he turns, “these aren’t right. I said light. I said... Mm, no. Doll, what’s your favourite colour?” 

He faces you as you stand in shock. You feel horrible that he’s reproaching them like this. They’ve done all this for you and he’s just going down a list of everything wrong. 

“Erm, purple, I guess but--” 

“Darla, get her something purple. Lavender? Lilac?” He looks at you for confirmation and you just nod. You won’t correct him. “Erica, finish her hair, something a bit less... stuffy. Margot, clean her face up. Nia, the nails are looking good.” He turns to you and takes you by the shoulders, “and you, all you gotta do is be your cute little self, alright?” 

You gulp and nod. You don’t know what to say. He saves you from a response as he brings his hand up under your chin. He leans in to kiss you and your cheeks flame at the awareness of your audience. He pulls back and caresses your cheek before parts completely. 

He checks his watch, “don’t got all night.” 

He marches off, leaving you dumbfounded. He’s like a hurricane, coming in and blowing everything out of sorts. You look around guiltily. 

“I’m sorry.” 

“Don’t be,” Margot assures with a smile, “come, let’s get you fixed up, dahling.” 

She beckons you over and sits you back down. You give your hand back to Nia to finish the manicure as Erica once more goes to work on your hair. You stare at the wall and let out a nervous sigh. 

“That’s cute,” Margot says, “the way he looks at you.” 

“Hm, yeah,” Erica agrees, “he definitely has the eyes for ya.” 

You close your eyes as Margot gently wipes away the make up with a cool cloth from a package. You shrug, trying not to move too much, “he’s nice. He... did all this. Just for me. I... I didn’t ask for it. I’m sorry he didn’t like it.” 

“No, baby,” Nia says, “this isn’t about us. It’s about you. What do you like?” 

You open your eyes again and frown. That’s a good question. You lower your gaze to your lap and exhale heavily. 

“I’m figuring it out,” you murmur, “I don’t... I don’t get out much.” 

“Oh, this must be so exciting for you,” Erica trills, “oh, how fun.” 

“I’m sure you’ll have a wonderful time,” Nia adds, “don’t be nervous. Just enjoy yourself.” 

“Can’t be that hard,” Margot clucks, “on a handsome man’s arm, pretty as a bow,” she cleans her brushes as she talks, “it’ll be a great night. I’m thinking...” she peruses her chest of makeup, “natural tones. A dewy look. Natural, subtle.” 

“Okay, uh, yeah,” you agree, “that sounds nice.” 

“Hmmph,” Erica hums, “she’s a sweetie, isn’t she, ladies?” 

“Nicer than the last one,” Nia cackles. 

You stiffen and shift in the chair. You look at the nail tech then Margot as she compares a tube to your face and shakes her head. You push your lip against your teeth and let it flick out. 

“Last one?” You whisper. 

The women share a look and smile, “well, Mr. Barnes is notorious. Surely, you know.” 

“Oh,” you think of the headlines you scrolled through online, “well, yes, I know. I guess... I didn’t catch what you meant.” 

“Enjoy it. I’m sure you’ll get a few pretty baubles out of it,” Nia says, “and some memories to long for when you’re old like us.” 

“Old,” Margot scoffs, “speak for yourself.” 

“Yeah, yeah, of course. I know. I’m just... another girl.” 

“Oh, dahling,” Margot intones, “but he seems really fond of you, doesn’t he? Maybe he’ll keep ya around a bit longer, eh?” 

You just sit there. You knew better than to believe it was anything but the obvious but it’s still a hard pill to swallow. You stare blindly ahead as Margot remoisturizes your skin. 

“Didn’t mean to upset you,” Margot says. 

“I’m not, I just...” you swallow, “I’m nervous.” 

“Mm, nervous? Well, I think that’s what the bar is for. Erica, fetch some of that rose. She needs a glass, Stat.” 

Your mouth opens to protest but you think better of it. You’ve already caused them enough trouble. You thank them instead and try not to let your shame burn through. They know why you’re there and they’ve left no doubt in you of the same. 

“Make sure to pour me some too,” Margot chirps. 

🃏

You stop after one glass. It makes your inside bubbly and eases the tension just enough that you’re not jittering. You feel better but still not certain. 

The women confirm your fears. This isn’t going to last. It’s not like you didn’t expect as much but hearing it is all the more real. You’re going to have to come up with yet another lie to tell. This one will hurt the most because it will be at least halfway true; you’re still a loser. 

You’ll try to take their advice. You’ll enjoy this night; this once in a lifetime experience. You don’t think you’ll ever be in a casino again in your life. They’re not for you. All of this is just above you. It’s better suited to someone like your sister. You can’t help but wonder why it isn’t Roxie here. 

The clock ticks. Well, not truly. The digital numbers count down the minutes as you linger in the suite alone. The gaggle of women left only a few minutes ago but not without a promise that you’re happy. You are, at least with all they did for you. 

You approach the mirror, almost shying away from your own reflection. You look nice. You might even call yourself pretty. Your eyes look more brilliant with the subtle lining and the precisely coated lashes; not too heavy. And your lips, shiny but natural, your cheeks dewy with a hint of colour to them.  

And the dress. Lavender satin with crystals embedded in the fabric, lines of smaller ones interconnecting the larger stones. You turn and check your figure. You look grown up. It’s ridiculous to think but you do. The heels help, not too high but enough to define your legs. 

You turn and tear your gaze away from the mirror. You don’t want to be vain. Besides, you probably don’t look that good. You just look better than usual. The comparison is enough to skew your perception. 

As you teeter on the heels, waiting, for what, you don’t exactly know. You can surmise what it will all lead to. What he intends. You can’t deny it any longer. A man doesn’t do all this for altruistic mean and even you aren’t that pitiful. Well, you hope not. 

A knock at the door trips you up. Your heart lurches. You’re not ready. But it’s getting late and you know it’s inevitable. You can’t move or speak. You just stare towards the door. 

You hear it open. You blink a Bucky’s shadow appears on the carpet and he strides into your sight. Your eyes meet his and his blue irises sparkle as he sees you. He stops and put his hand to his chest. His forehead lines and he bites his lip. 

“Wow, doll,” he rasps breathily and slowly steps forward, “you look...” 

You press your hands to your sides and give a toothy expression, not quite a smile, not quite a grimace. Sweat speckles along your neck as his gaze bores into you. You’re even more self-conscious as he closes in. 

“I don’t know,” you murmur. 

“What don’t you know?” He asks as he reaches for you and takes your hand. He draws you near, “huh? Look at you, doll.” He purrs, “you look spectacular.” His other hand grazes down your side and he squeezes your hip as he holds you at arm’s length and ogles you, “mm, damn. You wanna know what I know?” 

You peer up at him from beneath your lashes, “what?” 

“That you are the most gorgeous woman I’ve ever seen. I’m a lucky man to have you walking the floor with me tonight,” he drops your hand and frames your other hip, drawing you to him, “I have half a mind to keep you up in this room.” 

You choke. Your lower lip trembles and you shake your head, “that’s nice but...” you look away. 

“But? You don’t believe me, doll? You think I’d lie?” He challenges. 

“N-no, I didn’t say—but--- before---” you sputter and put your hands on his forearms, “there were others and they were prettier.” 

“Doll, don’t worry about before. This is now. You aren’t them and I’m telling you, you are beautiful,” he trails his hand up and nudges your chin. You look at him again, your cheeks shaking as you try to smile. “Here.” 

He takes your hand, his eyes clinging to yours as he watches you. You can’t look away. Not this time. He leads your hand up his jacket and slips it beneath. He presses it to his chest. You feel the taut muscle beneath and something else. 

“You got my heart racing, doll,” he growls. “That ain’t a lie.” 

[privaterecording1clips]

I have been away since the MCC, and I haven't been really posting things or keeping up with the group activity. Imagine my fucking reaction when I wake up on a Sunday morning to Discord exploding over night.

I have some conflicting emotions towards CCs talking so openly about fanfics. Part of me is glad that they acknowledge our existence, like I know a few of them are here, and even seen my own posts, like OMG MY STREAMERS KNOW I EXIST. And fanfics, it's huge! It's a step up from liveblogging and headcanon posts, it's a fanart in its spirit, but painted with words, and similarly poured the author's soul into.

But there's like that thing with...prejudice? I've seen people mention fanfiction in Chilled's streams before, and in yt as well, and there were not exactly positive opinions. I know they were talking about there being very few smut works, but it feels like they were bringing them up the most, and it's just frustrating to not be understood in the right way. After all, everything we do here, and everything we write on Ao3 is us expressing our love and support in the ways we can, none of us have any malicious thought or want to be hurtful and spread hatred or smth.

Do you think there's a world where they could speak of Tumblr/Ao3 part of their community from a bit of a different angle? Do you think that fanfiction should be acknowledged and spoken about more?

(Also, I know it's stupid, but I feel just the tiniest bit salty. I wrote good stuff, why won't they talk about me too?!)

Yeah, I have very conflicting emotions about it too. (Mostly I feel betrayed by whoever was linking Platy fics LMAO)

Tumblr and Ao3 get a bad rap for being “cringe” I guess. Personally I think that they are the only places left on the internet that are well-known and not too corrupted by capitalism and algorithms (especially Ao3 my beloved). But I really don’t give a shit - I hate cringe culture with a passion.

But yeah. It’s the whole thing of like. You can’t post works on the internet and expect people (especially the streamers themselves) to just not see it? Because it’s out in the public. They have every right to view it.

But, I’d personally rather my fics NOT be spoken about on a livestream, in front of thousands of people. That’s just my preference, because honestly the reason I post fics at all is this is a very small fandom, and they won’t blow up or be noticed and judged by multitudes of people. I’m far more comfortable with a small audience, and I would not want my fics to be mentioned on stream where lots of people (far too many for my liking) may go looking for them. (This is why I post more about PR1 than mcyt, even tho I love both equally).

But i think if the streamers are fine with fanfic being posted, I see no reason for people to hate on fanfic??? In fact, I see no reason for people to hate it at all? You can inform someone that a creator is uncomfortable with fanfic/certain types of fanworks and ask them to take it down without being a hater. Decency is not difficult, and when you’re in a fandom that is not against fanfic and stuff I don’t see why you’d ever waste your energy hating on something that literally doesn’t effect you?

It’s the same thing with any type of hate comment. If there’s no reason to be upset by something other than the fact that You Don’t Like It, take some preschool advice and walk away. It doesn’t concern you. (Btw Tasha, I don’t mean you specifically, I mean the Royal You!!! Sorry if this was confusing I just realised lmao)

Sorry for getting pretty serious, but I am just quite upset by people who discourage artists when they haven’t done anything wrong.

That said, if a creator has expressed a desire to not have fanworks made of them, then I implore you to respect their boundaries. It’s just the kind thing to do.

[glorious-spoon]

Fic author interview! I was tagged by @what-alchemy - thank you! No-pressure tagging @phdmama, @incognitajones, @alessandriana, @lynne-monstr, and anyone else who wants to play.

How many works do you have on AO3?

349 publically, maybe a dozen more in anon collections, and two or three that I've orphaned for various reasons.

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

1,349,113, ye gods.

3. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Calamity's Child (Stranger Things) - 7249 kudos

Body of Memory (Shadowhunters) - 5029 kudos

Star of the Masquerade (Stranger Things) - 4923 kudos

lost souls and reverie (The Witcher - TV) - 3118 kudos

So Newly Charming (Stranger Things) - 2274 kudos

4. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

I used to, but I've been really bad about it in the past year or so. I do read and cherish every comment I get, though.

5. What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?

Hard to say! There are a couple of Supernatural ficlets from ~13 years ago with fairly fucked up endings. Of my somewhat recent fic, probably either Empty or Bonny Mad Boys (both for Shadowhunters), with a special mention for my zombie apocalypse Buddie fic, where the dead men lost their bones, although that does at least allow for the possibility of a happy(ish) ending.

6. What’s the fic you’ve written with the happiest ending?

Honestly, the vast majority of my fic has happy endings, even when I put them through the wringer first.

7. Do you write crossovers?

I've written a few, mostly for various fic challenges. It's not something I do all that often though.

8. Have you ever received hate on a fic?

Oh, yeah. Death threats, even! Shadowhunters fandom was weirdly unhinged about this.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

Um, yes. XD

I used to write smut very rarely, and feel extremely awkward about it, and then I decided to write 100k words worth of fills for the Clowntown kinkmeme, and that pretty much cured me of that.

10. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not as far as I know?

11. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Yes, several, into a handful of different languages. Always very exciting! I link back if I know about them.

12. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Not one that ever actually got posted.

13. What’s your all-time favorite ship?

I have been in fandom wayyyy too long to answer this, lol.

14. What’s a WIP that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?

I have a really angsty Reddie cheating fic that I wrote like 20k words of and then abandoned. I sometimes think about returning to it, but honestly I probably won't.

15. What are your writing strengths?

I think I write pretty good dialogue - it's definitely one of the things I enjoy the most. Also action and smut, which IMO are pretty similar from a logistical standpoint.

16. What are your writing weaknesses?

I am so bad at anything resembling plotting. SO bad. And frankly I always feel like my fluff is stilted and saccharine; I do much better with angst, generally speaking.

17. What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

I've done it before, but I probably wouldn't now, not the least because I'm really not fluent enough in any other language to be worth it.

18. What was the first fandom you wrote for?

That I actually posted? LOTR RPF. Thankfully, that's been lost to the defunct forums of 2002. I've been writing fic just for my own entertainment pretty much as long as I've been able to read, though.

19. What’s a fandom/ship you haven’t written for yet but want to?

Good Omens! I've read a fair amount of fic, but I didn't really get immersed in the fandom until after season 2. I have a couple of ideas that I'm playing around with, but I don't completely feel like I've got the character voices down yet.

20. What’s your favorite fic you’ve written

This changes OFTEN. I think right now, So Newly Charming is the fic I've written most recently that actually came out exactly how I wanted it to. I can reread it without cringing, which is a rarity for me.

[90shaladriel]

writer asks

thanks so much @pursuitseternal and @myfavouritelunatic for tagging me!

I am not sure I really qualify as a writer 😂 , this is something I started within the last 12 months as a response to diving into Rings of Power / Haladriel shipping and fanfiction.

How many works do you have on AO3? 3

What's your total AO3 words count? 61,841 !

What fandoms do you write for? The Rings of Power, Silmarillion. I have some wip drafts for something from the Halo universe (my ao3 account name “NobleOne_Carter” was one of the Spartans from the game Halo: Reach)

What are your top five fics by kudos? - I only have 3 😭… 1) A Lord and his Builder 2) First Fire in the Void 3) Strays at Sea

Do you respond to comments? Why or why not? Absolutely, it drives me to keep writing almost more than anything else and I sometimes like expanding on the backstory or my approach when people ask good questions about my fics.

What's the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending? I haven’t finished it yet but I am pretty sure First Fire in the Void will be the one 😉

What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending? Again it hasn’t been written yet but I think A Lord and his Builder will have an upbeat but open ending.

Do you get hate on fics? Not any really

Do you write smut? If so, what kind? I have mostly been afraid to because I feel my writing is so inadequate for it, and or I kind of embarrassed about what cringe I imagine a sexy scene to be. I am trying to get over this anxiety and get out of my comfort zone. In my last chapter of First Fire in the Void I wrote a detailed make-out kind of scene between Melkor and Mairon. Which was a challenging one in many ways for me. I am thinking of going full smut later in that fic (I think that is obligatory for Angbang? 🍆)

Do you write crossovers? If so, what's the craziest one you've written? I haven’t. However I always have an overactive imagination. One crossover I would love to write is Darth Vader (Star Wars) on a space freighter full of Xenomorphs (Aliens) 🤣

Have you ever had a fic stolen? No I don’t think so. I have actually come across similar scenes to mine in a few fics which has given me of deja vu once or twice. I mostly think it’s because we all are working from the same set of tropes and plot lines from the media we all consume.

Have you ever had a fic translated? Not yet!

Have you ever co-written a fic before? No, that could be fun

What's your all time favourite ship? Haladriel. I can’t even think of another ship that comes close. Honestly, the other onscreen relationship I spent a lot of time thinking about was Inuyasha x Kagome from the Inuyasha anime which came out when I was in university 20 years ago. I downloaded and watched over a hundred subbed episodes of that show and I don’t think they ever once kissed? Talk about slow burn!

What's a WIP you want to finish, but doubt you ever will? I have two main WIPs that I hope I can finish. I am basically able to write 1 chapter per month with work and life stuff, I hope I can finish these and then I might take a break or focus on one-shots rather than long multi chapter fics.

What are your writing strengths? I’m not sure, I think I do a pretty good job describing how characters subjectively experience a situation or thought. I dunno if that’s what others think though. My writing style is heavily influenced by imagining the words as if Frank Herbert (Dune) had written it. I like to think my plot ideas are pretty creative, I am always trying to find a way to be different or unconventional in terms of plot.

What are your writing weaknesses? Run on sentences, trying to write banter, trying to write something romantic 💀

Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic? It’s probably more work than I would want to do. There were times I wanted to use some Black Speech for the Orcs or Sauron in A Lord and his Builder, but actually Tolkien never really completely described this language so there’s not like a Google translate for English to Black Speech unfortunately.

First fandom you wrote for? Rings of Power / Haladriel!

Favourite fic you've ever written? I only have 3 but I guess I would say the one that started it all was A Lord and his Builder. My first ever fic that I wrote and published anywhere, and the fact that people seemed so positive in the comments. I was really excited to bring this different sort of story to the Haladriel / RoP fandom which was heavy on the Sauron x Galadriel romance that I love, but I felt the Orc stuff was a niche that could be explored in an interesting way. Since I started writing this fic I have read a lot of other great fanfics which incorporate the Orc culture into this fandom and I love it, though maybe my ideas are not niche anymore? Everyone’s take on the Orc culture is a bit different because again Tolkien left a lot of blank spaces on the canvas when it came to the lives of the Orcs.

[mysterypond]

Going through and choosing my favorite fics for that ask meme made me think of what I would put as my least favorite fics…

This isn’t a self depreciation thing more of a reflection, which for me is easy because 1) I haven’t written hxh in like half a year and 2) I have 69 fics to choose from. So. Would not particularly reccomend doing this if you don’t have a whole library of fics to choose from.

Anyhow, I won’t be counting any crack/shitpost fic because I want to focus on what makes a fic one of my “least favorites” in my eyes, which I would boil down to a botched execution. A lot of the fics I dislike of mine had ideas I was really passionate about, but somehow I didn’t end up writing them in a way that really pleased me. This could be for a variety of reasons, be it issues with tone and pacing, to a lack of technical skill at the time, to getting my themes and messages mixed up. Absolutely no shade to anyone if you like these fics, I don’t doubt people do as some have the stats to prove it. This is just my reflection of author intent vs what actually comes across in the fic.

So read on if you’re curious, if not, well, it can remain a mystery.

5. Ging x Gets x Cucked - honestly this one doesn’t truly deserve to be on the list it’s just a bit… dated lmao, I feel like my sense of humor has evolved from here so reading this makes me cringe at some of the jokes I put in there. But the real reason I’m adding it here is because I think it could have been an interesting concept had I not committed solely to the humor aspect of it.

4. I, Scream - This was during my experimental phase pt. 2 and this phase was significantly less appreciated than phase 1 (2021) and I think it was because I tried a lot weirder stuff with my writing in 2022, especially with the AITAs and short shitpost fics. This fic is the tail end of the surrealist era of fics I wrote, and it quite frankly is just not good. I don’t know how I would improve it, but essentially the gag is that there is green bean ice cream and Beans is nowhere to be found, prompting the reader to assume Beans is going to be eaten, which in turn it’s revealed Beans himself is eating the ice cream. Cannibalism? Not to mention, the fic itself is a poem with a bizarre line structure, making it hard to read. While everything I did with this was a very purposeful delivery I feel like it’s lacking that “so what” of “why should I care about this?” Like sure, I can write something like this with my technical skill but emotionally it really falls flat.

3. between me and you (and everyone I've spilled my heart to) - I took the idea of “what if a drunken confession didn’t lead to a love confession, but was a confession of some sort of crime” and then did absolutely nothing interesting with it, nor were the relationships portrayed here particularly done in an enticing way. I don’t have much to say about this fic because I didn’t have as high expectations for it as I did some of the others.

2. Snapdragon - fun fact I deleted chapter 3 and reposted it randomly, no idea who remembers the first version of chapter 3 because I sure don’t! What I was going for with this fic was a love tragedy of many angles. What I got was… boring. The fic was supposed to tug on the heart strings, but I find it merely grazes them. I think part of it was the format I chose, focusing on 4 different narrators to give perspective to the situation when two of them really didn’t add much to the story. I like poly!zodiacs, and I feel I didn’t lean into that enough to really justify cheadle and mizai being there. They feel… Kind of thrown in. Anyhow, I fell out of love with this fic by the time I finished my 2nd chapter, so I suspect that’s why 3 and 4 were so hard for me to write. The spark was gone.

1. Judgement x Day - In the defense of this fic, I will say that the concept is still interesting to me: If Killua had to force a choice to save Alluka or Gon, who would he pick? - Which then translates into a moral dilemma. The fic idea came to me when I was watching a Voyager episode “Tuvix”, basically a plot where 2 crew members get into a transporter episode and fuse into one person, who exists for a few weeks before Captain Janeway essentially orders the doctor to split him back into Tuvok and Neelix, thus killing him. My irl friends and I talked about this episode a lot, and I thought I could write something that took a similar concept and did it better. I was wrong. I think the fic itself would have been better with much more nuance to it, but it ends up feeling so flat and as if Killua’s decision is less of a dramatic tragedy and more of a plot point. It just doesn’t feel human enough. It’s sad without enough breathing room to really care about what’s going on, if I had to write it all again I’d change the tone to make it more bittersweet and less “sad”. Anyhow, this is actually the fic I’ve gotten the most negative comments on! I actually temporarily turned commenting off because of this, but it’s back on and all the bad ones have been purged. I’ve thought about deleting the fic, letting it fade into obscurity, but I feel like I should keep it up.

Anyhow, again don’t worry if you like any of these fics! I think if I wasn’t the writer and didn’t know what I was going for I might enjoy a few of these, however this is more my thought process for why I’m not satisfied with any of them. Hope it was interesting to read at least :3

[bad-surprise]

For the writer ask game! (answer however many you want I'm just way too curious lol)

❤️💥🚀🥳🌻💛🔮(asking for a friend for that one 😅)🎨

❤️ What is your favorite line that you’ve written in a fic?

again, i can’t pick a definitive favorite, but i’m really proud of this bit from chapter 4 of the shark in your water

If ever a need should arise for Galadriel to provide a full physical description of Halbrand— if he were to go missing or something— she feels certain she would struggle to provide a cohesive image. Her mind breaks him down into pieces, as though the sum total of the man is far beyond her processing capacity. Every attempt to consider him as a whole leaves her stranded in the same limbo she encounters when peering at her own reflection in the bathroom mirror for too long. He exists as a hand on her skin, the curve of a shoulder, a set of smirking lips, or, most frequently, varying shades of green.

💥 What is one canon thing that you wish you could change?

i write a non-canon ship so i think i’d probably want to make that canon so we could end the silly arguments around it haha

🚀 Do you like to outline your fic first or create as you go?

up until a few months ago i was huge on outlining. now i tend to keep more of a loose, very flexible concept in my head, and i might write down key moments. i almost always know the ending before i begin, but so many of my favorite bits of my fics have come about well into writing them.

🥳 Why did you start writing fanfic?

i abandoned a novel in 2019 and didn’t write a word for two years while dealing with some health issues that i still haven’t fully recovered from.

i really lost my confidence during that time and felt completely incapable of doing anything for myself, but decided i wanted to write again right around the time rings of power came out. i wrote a novel while reading other fics, then in december finally decided to take a chance and post my own work and now y’all can’t get rid of me.

🌻 How often do you read your own fics?

in their entirety? almost never. as they get longer i find myself needing to go back more frequently to check that the general shape of the fic feels correct, but i find it really cringe inducing to read my own work until a significant amount of time has passed. i generally think everything i write is trash until i have at least a month away from it.

💛 What is the most impactful lesson you’ve learned about writing?

i think i’ve found a lot more freedom in writing since i started writing haladriel. i remember sitting in college classes and feeling envious of my classmates because it felt like they had no internal censor. through writing this ship— and particularly writing dark content— i’ve really been able dismantle a lot of my preconcieved notions about myself and my writing. i don’t know if that’s a decent answer, but it’s the one i’ve got.

🔮 Any advice for writers working through burnout or writer’s block?

oof. i really struggle with this. the biggest thing i would say is that it’s a lot easier to write if you’re letting yourself be a full person. i always say i’m too busy to read, but when i find time for it, the difference in my work is incredible. i also would say maybe try another creative pursuit that isn’t writing?

but more than anything? just remind yourself that it will pass. you will write again, even if it feels impossible.

🎨 If someone were to make fanart of your work, what fic or scene would you hope to see?

i answered this in the last ask i got, but honestly, the idea of anyone making fanart for my silly little stories makes me smile.

[m-questionnaire]

NaFM: Ch 9 (10?) and misc. thoughts

I don't count the prologue as the first chapter, so I guess it's chapter 9?

(This is a test post similar to those blogs. Simply curious to how it would work when I type my thoughts. Not bad so far lol)

Honestly, the chapter is going to be super long (40k+ words), and with that in mind, I'm sorta dreading how long the chapter covering the 5th yr will be. I feel sorta bad for the readers (srry, if u do read this lol), but I also don't care much cuz I'm sticking to the format of 1 chapter per school yr.

I've been fluctuating between working on Not a Future Missus and continuing planning this x-over fic I have posted (also on my AO3) for two diff. fandoms. Gosh, I also have so many other ideas for HP fics, including a Tom Riddle Sr-centric fic (one of those what-ifs in which Sr. raises pre-Voldy Tom) and a Drarry fic with the Veela!Draco trope (or a Veela!Draco fic with Drarry?), both of which I'm likely to type out; there's also a possible "spin-off" w/ NaFM, but employing time travel??? Idek anymore lol! But goodness the HP world has so much potential despite its numerous controversies (which I won't bring up cuz I'm not looking to start a war).

And sadly (maybe not for some ppl), no Dramione plans as of yet. Yes, I ship it as much as Drarry (don't hate on me now, or at least do it without a word cuz I'm a multi-shipper who refuses to fight over ships), though I haven't been reading much Dramione fics nowadays... or Drarry, since I fandom jump quite a bit.

Anyway, maybe I'll get rid of some scenes, or I'll keep it as it is (my fic, my management muhaha), but I maybe possibly probably perhaps should just make Harry and Ella/fem!Draco kiss each other and type the "23 yrs later" epilogue and be done with the fic LMAO! (April 1, 2024 plans???? If it's still incomplete by then???)

What hobbies do I even have at this point, besides reading/writing fanfics? The occasional doodle/drawing, certainly. And maintaining my Duolingo streak????

To whoever reads this honest-to-goodness sorta-long post, srry for the chaotic writing/typing! Just blurting this out before sleepy time LOL! (Sleep deprivation sure is making me taaalk and I'm probably gonna cringe the next time I see this if ever lmaoo)

Well, if anyone reading this post (and my fic) has proceeded this far, have a preview I may/may not include/edit for the next chapter!

     “What’s the point of this task if we can’t even watch?” Ella grumbled as she glared at the lake. The waters were still as the second task progressed, with only an occasional ripple on the surface. The crowd chattered as they awaited the champions, but Ella was growing impatient.      It had been months since the Yule Ball, and the Scottish Highlands were slowly readying for the coming spring. There was still a noticeable chill in the air, but that didn’t stop the continuation of the Triwizard Tournament. The second task had begun half an hour ago, and to say the least, the surface-dwelling spectators were growing bored.      “If only they used Muggle filming methods,” Tracey said disappointedly from Ella’s right side. “They have these cameras, and you can connect them to these screens that project what’s happening through the lenses. It’s like our moving pictures, but everything happens in real time. I’ve been told about them sometimes.”      “Somebody needs to invent a spell like that if they haven’t already,” Ella said.       Casual conversations continued as time passed. At this point, everyone was preoccupied with each other, with only a few occasional glances towards the water. During the wait, Pansy ended up braiding Ella’s hair, before tying it and switching to Daphne. Why everyone had to get up at nine o’clock in the morning to stand in the cold and watch a lake was Ella’s main concern, but this was one of the more boring days compared to the last few years.

[the-travelling-witch]

Heyooo

There's a saying that goes "It takes an amazing author to know an amazing author" and considering you are a really good author {who deserves so much more recognition than you get but don't worry I know you'll get there}

But can you recommend some of your favorite/most highly rated fics the genres don't matter? Some authors write good ones but some are just hella ooc and cringe.

i’m really flattered you think i’m a good author, i honestly can’t see it myself but thank you ଘ(੭˃ᴗ˂)੭

it’s been a while since i actively read fanfic, so this list probably isn’t as extensive as it should be; i’ll try to structure this to the best of my abilities and i might add more in the future ♡ there’s so much good content to recommend, my brain just flaked on me especially when it came to recommending fics specifically, so i probably forgot half of all the blogs and fics i want to recommend </3

genshin impact ❀

blogs:

@dustofthedailylife- my lovely moot but i promise i’m not playing favourites, her fics are really high quality; if you’re looking for a longer fic, check out her series ‘a heart of stone is a heart nonetheless’

@witch-hazels-musings*- i don’t think i have to say a lot about my fellow witch, hazel; if you haven’t heard of her blog yet, welcome to tumblr, it’s great to have you here

@genshin-karebear*- another talented author i’m sure you’ve heard of already (and if you haven’t, this is your sign)

@primofate*- wow i’m really just recommending blogs all of you already know, huh? not only does lena write for a multitude of fandoms, the variety of characters she includes is nothing to sneeze at

fics:

yours truly/ sincerely by @xiaowhore

subtle by @glazelilyy* (nsfw implications, so you get a star)

genshin boys as your prom knight by @alatusxiaoo

this theory by @zaneswhite

this helpful tidbit on scara’s hat by @kyquu

haikyuu ❀

blogs:

@luvbub- if you’re looking for lots of cute and fluffy fics with some angst sprinkled in between, this cutie is the blog to go to

@toru-oikawas-milkbread*- looking for a wide variety of written fics and smaus? well look no further, kasey is here to save the day!

fics:

the flirt by @cutenimi (skater!suna makes my head spin)

victory high by @kewrai (honestly you can go through the whole masterlist, everything is good, why didn’t i just put you in the blog section of this post?)

cold brew by @meiansmistress*

what the haikyuu boys (realistically) wear by @ryoccoon (not technically a written fic but i want to mention it anyway; also, rose, if you see this, your blog is so cute and aesthetic~)

tokyo revengers ❀

blogs:

you can basically look at my moots list and have your pick but i’d like to filter out @crown5* @softbajis* @feitania* @virtue-and-beneviolence*

fics:

bonten husband fics by @sukirichi*

trouble by @sakusins* (this one belongs in the blog section as well)

touch starved + feeling loved by @kshira*

this edit by @haruchyio* (i’ve seen this video in so many variations and it’s still so funny to me)

miscellaneous fandoms ❀

@demonfamilytherapist [obey me!] (i recommend especially the pact mark headcanons and aftermath of lesson 16)

@house-of-laminations [obey me!] (if you’re a sucker for world building like i am, this is a gold mine; i also recommend evolutionary biology 101 with prof. mc, i had a good laugh reading it)

@aemoonie and @k-rising [kpop, zodiac] (even if you don’t like kpop, their astrology content is still really interesting)

this case study on bakugou katsuki by @randommha

fanart ❀

i could go ahead and tell you that all their art is incredible and that i enjoy each and every art style found on this list but i honestly think you should go and see for yourself ✧.*

@koyuxim

@kkumri

@burucheese

@emaiiyaru

@chouchen

@ainudraws

appreciation/ mail blogs ❀

not really fanfic blogs either but they allow people to send anonymous love to genshin creators on tumblr, which i think is such a cute idea it deserves to be mentioned ༊*·˚

@teyvatmail

@sakurashrine

@teyvatlove

*=this blog posts/ interacts with 18+ content

this list has officially drifted away from being about fanfics, so i’ll end it here (as i said i might expand it in the future); i hope all of you don’t mind being mentioned here and i’m sorry to everyone i might have forgotten ♡

[thatoneitaliangirl]

Oh my gosh could you write a childe x reader thing 🥺🥺 I wanna just have some sweet angst with a happy outcome somehow 😔

I may have gone a bit overboard- At this point, I feel I'm literally incapable of writing anything under 1,000 words. So sorry this took so long, I had to take a break from writing to work out some things with school. A bunch of nonsense and stuff lol. You didn't specify gender, so I wrote the reader as female, only cause that's what I'm used to working with. I apologize if that's not what you wanted. I can always whip up something for ya with your preferred pronouns! But I'm not sure if I'll make it this long . . . I honestly don't know how I even did this, like this is a feat I feel. Anyways, I hope Childe isn't too OOC in this. I'm not the best when it comes to writing angst, so I hope you like it! And just as a little explanation beforehand, I read up that Childe joined the Fatui when he was about 14, became a Harbinger at 18, and is considered a young adult. So in this fic, it's assumed that he and you are at least 20 years old just so the timeline adds up and stuff. Also, despite how long this is, Childe isn't in it as much as you probably wanted- I have a tendency to write more about the reader than the characters. It's something I'm trying to break, but I was just so proud of this. I hope you like it! Anyways, happy reading!!! ^^

Childe x Reader Angst

Plot- Reader and Childe have been together for years when Reader finds out that Childe killed her sister when she was young.

Word count- 8,864 (I'm so sorry)

Warnings- Mentions of death, sadness, bad writing, possible suicide at the end(But just mentioned as a fear), swearing, and cringe 'funny' moments cause why not.

The wind blows through your hair as you sit atop a ledge overlooking Liyue Harbor. Today is your younger sister's birthday, and for the past six years, it's been nothing but a reminder of your failure. You were supposed to take care of her. After your parents passed away, you were all she had left, and she, you. But you were just a kid yourself, hardly capable of raising a child.

You bite your lip and look over at all the families walking about, having fun. It brings a smile to your face knowing at least some people can be happy on this day. She wouldn't have wanted doom and gloom to be her only remembrance. The sun in the sky is warm, beaming down on your skin. You've fought many battles for the Adventurers Guild during your time living in town, and are proud to say you've survived. Even escaped a few sparring matches with Childe relatively unscathed.

You win every time, but it's no surprise given he lets you win. That's one of the many things you love about him. He tries to put you first in most situations as much as he can with his job. And it's the little things like letting you win a fake fight that makes you feel like you're floating.

Your relationship is practically plastered on every notice board in town with how affectionate you are to each other. Not a soul in Liyue can look at you and not know you are the Harbinger's lover. But you're okay with that.

Taking in a calm breath, you hop down and glide your way to the docks below.

"Good morning, _____! Nice weather, isn't it?" You smile at the young girl as she approaches you. You've known her for a while now, and have come to consider yourself friends. She seems a bit nervous though.

"It certainly is. Are you okay, Chen?" Her smile drops and she grips onto her arms.

"Can I ask a favor of you? It's rude of me, but I'm desperate!"

"It's fine, what's the matter?" The young girl sighs.

"My brother borrowed a loan from Northland Bank last month and the payments were due two days ago. He told me he was going to pay it back . . . He hasn't been home since. I just thought that . . ."

"You want me to ask Tar?" Her eyes snap up to yours.

"Will you? Please? I'm just so worried about him! I told him not to take that loan, but he never listens to me." You put your hand on her shoulder to calm her down.

"It's okay. It's no problem at all! I was just headed there anyway. I'll see about your brother for you." Young Chen sighs in relief and reaches in her pocket.

"Here, I want you to take this as payment." You shake your head and push her hand away.

"No, I could never!"

"I insist! My mother gave this to me when I was a kid," She opens your hand and places a small coin in before closing your hand around it.

"She told me travelers would give these coins to people who did favors for them and that they grant wishes! Though I'm sure that's just a children's story; I was never able to get it to work." You give the coin a look, hesitant, before slipping it into your pocket.

"Alright, I'll accept. Thank you!" You wave goodbye to Chen and head towards the bank. Childe spends most of his days there, what he does, you have no idea. It's a mystery. The most you get out of him is 'business' which, yeah, obviously you do business. But it's understandable. The Fatui are a questionable lot, and not many people in Liyue trust them.

The Qixing keep a close eye on them as well, though you're sure even they hardly know what goes down under the 'bank' façade. Sometimes Childe comes home with cuts and bruises, claiming they're from training with his comrades, and while you don't buy that one bit, you play along. No need to add to his stress. If he thought you needed to know, he would tell you. No doubt about it.

Walking up the many flights of stairs, you nod to Vlad who lets you in.

Lucky for you, the first face your eyes land on is the exact one you came looking for.

"Tar!" He immediately looks over in your direction, smiles, and dismisses the Fatui agent he was talking to.

"Well, if it isn't the most beautiful woman in all Teyvat. Come to steal my heart?" He pulls you into a hug and kisses your cheek.

"No need, I already have it," You pull away, giving him a smile.

"I actually came here to see you."

"I'd hope so! Who else would you want to see?" Rolling your eyes, you grab him by his hand and lead him to his office.

"I have a favor to ask of you," The joking atmosphere surrounding you turns heavy as you hold his hands in yours.

"As you know, today is . . . Very important to me. I was wondering if you could get off early tonight? If not, it's okay though. I don't want to trouble you or anything." Childe chuckles and pats your head.

"I know what today is. I already requested an early leave this morning, but they haven't gotten back to me yet. If we're that backed up, I'm not sure I'll be able to," Your face falls a bit, but you smile. He made the effort to try and get off early without you even asking.

He places his hand onto your face and rubs his thumb over your cheek.

"But I promise to make it up to you. If I don't get back too late, we can go up to Mt. Tianheng and watch the lights at night. I know you like to do that when you're upset." The kind smile on his face is only magnified by the gentle look in his eyes. He's always been soft with you, even before you got together.

It was always an odd sight for people to see the two of you interact before you were a couple. He always regards people with the same jokester attitude, especially those he has to keep an eye on. But when he's with you, he may joke around, but is always much more concerned for your wellbeing.

"Thank you, Tar. I really appreciate it." He smirks and laughs.

"You appreciate it, huh? How much?" You roll your eyes again and give him a kiss on the lips. Childe smiles into it and tries to make it deeper, but you pull away with his lips chasing after you.

"Easy there, tiger. Save it for later, huh?"

"So, there's a later?" You lightly smack his chest and pull away from him as he laughs.

"Get back to work, Tar." You turn to leave but stop in the doorway.

"Oh, before I forget, I ran into Chen earlier," The look in Childe's eyes shifts slightly, but you barely notice.

"She mentioned that her brother stopped by here about two days ago, and was wondering if you knew where he went after? He hasn't been home since and she's very worried."

He ponders for a moment before his eyes light up in realization.

"Now that you mention it, he did say he was headed towards Lingju Pass. Don't know what for though." He shrugs.

"Okay, thank you! I'll be sure to pass it on." You exchange words of love before you leave.

After speaking with Chen, you decided to head towards the countryside. Your conversation with her went about as well as you expected. She seemed distressed and unsure of the information you gave her, but any criticisms were held as she thanked you and left. You hope that she'll be okay and that her brother comes back. Archons know, you understand what it's like to lose a sibling.

You take in a deep breath.

The air in Liyue is unlike any other. Once you leave the city and all the warm bodies, it's nothing but gentle breezes and the smell of earth. And the occasional Hilichurl, but you can easily take out a few to preserve the peace.

Walking along a random path in the sand, you reflect.

When you and your sister were young, you would often take walks like these while your parents were arguing. Despite only being a few years older than her, you actively chose to take on a more nurturing role. But after your parents died, you realized just how hard it was to provide for the two of you.

You knew how to use a bow to hunt, but not well, and even though you had your mother's catalyst, you didn't have a vision. Sometimes just showing it off and pretending you had a vision was enough to scare off petty thieves and weak Hilichurls, but it was only a matter of time before that wouldn't be enough.

Unfortunately, that time came all too soon.

The two of you had found an abandoned campsite and you decided to rest for the night. Your sister and you were headed to Mondstadt in search of a distant relative who you believed could help you. But during the night, your sister got thirsty and you were all out of water in your canteen. So you heading out to find a lake close by to fetch some, only to return to see a dark figure escaping into the night and your sister, laying in the tent, unmoving.

You were only a few hours walk to the city.

Sometimes you wonder if you had kept going that night, maybe whoever it was would have never even crossed your path. Your cries for help were heard by knights close by and they gathered your sister. Everyone in the city was welcoming and understanding, and the church gave her a wonderful service.

But nothing could mend the hole in your heart. Thankfully, the family member was able to take you in and trained you to become a knight. But that's not what you wanted. You wanted to find the person who killed your sister. And after completing your training, you left for Liyue and gained your Cryo vision along the way.

You summon your catalyst and flip through the pages. It's strange how magic works and how everything interacts with your vision. Before you, this weapon served your pyro vision-wielding mother. After you gained your vision, all the spells changed to fit the cold rather than the heat. You sigh and close the book. Sifting through it is just going to make you more sentimental. The sky above begins to turn shades of orange and pink as the sun goes down, so you decide to head home.

"I know you did something!" A loud voice yells, not too far from you.

"Chen?" You whisper to yourself and make your way around to see her at the edge of town, yelling at a Fatui agent.

"Calm down, miss Chen. We don't know what you are referring to." She balls her hands into fists, her face twisted in anger.

"You know damn well what I'm talking about! Lingju Pass? He hasn't set foot there since our father died. How dare you make up such lies!" You decide to make your way over to try and calm her down. She's obviously upset, and you know that Fatui agents aren't well versed in the ways of 'feelings.' In fact, most of the ones you've met have all been quite stoic and unconcerned.

"Are you calling the Fatui liars, miss Chen?" You stop, Childe stepping out in front of the other agent.

What is Childe doing out here?

"You Fatui lie about everything! Everyone in Liyue despises your presence here, and this just proves to me how low you people actually are. What did you do to my brother?!" She reaches up to hit Childe, and you run up to her and grab her by her arms. You know she can't hurt him, but if she tries she could get into some serious trouble.

"Chen, listen to me, you have to calm down." She looks up at you with tears streaming down her face but shakes off your grip.

"No! I refuse! He knows something about my brother, I know he does!" She looks at you with pleading eyes.

"Please, _____, tell him. Tell him to tell me where my brother is!" Chen sobs. Tears start to form in your eyes.

"Chen, I'm sorry, but Tartaglia doesn't know," You look up at Childe and are taken aback by the look in his eyes. His eyes are dead, angry, violent as he stares at Chen. He waves his hand, and two Fatui agents come from behind and drag Chen away.

"Let go of me!" She struggles as they hold her arms and pull her through the dirt path. Chen glairs at Childe, digging her feet into the ground to slow them down.

"You're a monster, Harbinger! A monster!" You continue to stare after her as she's dragged away. What just happened? You've known Chen and her brother since you moved here. What could have happened to make this poor girl act like this? You jump when Childe places his hand on your shoulder.

"I'm sorry you had to see that." He wipes the tears from your cheeks and smiles his normal, dashing smile. Nothing like the look he was giving Chen just a moment ago.

"Sometimes those awful rumors spreading about the Fatui make people act irrationally." You look him in the eyes as he holds your face. His eyes are soft and caring now, just how he always looks at you.

"Do you know what happened to her brother?" You ask softly. His eyes darken a bit, but his smile never faults.

"_____, my love, are you questioning me now too? Come on, you know none of that stuff is true, right? I work at a bank, not much else to it." He answers, his voice joking, but there's this undertone you can't quite place and have never heard before. You force a smile and hug him close.

"Your right, I'm sorry for asking. I'm just so concerned for Chen and her brother. Do you know where they're taking her?" He hugs you back, tight, and kisses your forehead.

"I think you should just leave it be for now. Go home and get some rest. I should be getting off work soon, and we can do what I promised. How's that sound?"

"Good." You lean up and give him a kiss. His voice drops low as he whispers in your ear.

"I love you, _____. Don't ever forget that."

And he leaves before you can reply. A chill goes down your spine as you watch him leave, and it's not from your vision. You've never seen Childe like that before, even when he interacts with the Traveler. It made you freeze in place, made your blood run cold, and had your heart beating faster with fear all at the same time. That was Harbinger Childe, not your Tartaglia. You rub your hands along your upper arms to calm yourself. You never want to experience that again.

Taking a deep breath, you reach into your pocket to grab your handkerchief, but pull out the coin Chen had given you instead. All it does is remind you that once again you failed to protect someone you cared about. Poor Chen is scared and afraid, and you're positive that Childe's reaction did not help her any.

But as you hold up the coin, you notice a faint glow emanating from around the outer edge which turns the intricate patterns into Liyuian Characters.

'Let the truth be revealed.'

What does this mean? You remember Chen telling you the story of the coin, but it was just that. You've never heard of any coins gifted by travelers before, and it definitely wasn't a common folk tale.

You shove it back into your pocket and rush home.

The sun is almost fully down, and the stars begin to light your way as you walk hastily down the path. Once your house is in sight, you pick up the pace and run inside.

The glow from the coin is brighter now, illuminating your darkening house. How does one even make a wish on a coin?

"I want to see the truth, but I don't know how," The glow of the coin shifts and changes colors in your hands, giving off an almost mystical wave of magic you've never felt before. Whoever made this coin had to have been powerful. You take a deep breath and look at the coin with determination.

"Show me the truth!" The glow envelopes you and when you open your eyes, you're shocked at what lays before you. The dark figure that haunts your dreams at night looms over your dead sister, red-stained blade in hand and a mask over his face.

You step closer, the classic mask of the fatui on the hooded mans' face making his eyes glow white in the darkness. His stature is much smaller than yours, and his outline seems to be that of a boy. At the time it would have been easy for you to confuse him with a man, being he would have been taller than you. But now that you're an adult, you can clearly see his youth. He smirks and laughs down at your little sister's body while whipping the knife on his sleeve.

"You should never have crossed the Fatui." Your heart drops as the young boy removes his mask revealing ocean blue eyes. The eyes of your lover that you adore on the face of the person that you've despised for years. A woman appears next to him, the same woman you've seen him speak to on many occasions but have never spoken to yourself.

"Good work, Tartaglia. You've proven yourself useful to the Tsaritsa after all. But your job here is not done," Childe looks up at the taller woman, his face determined.

"The other daughter has left to fetch water. Unfortunately, there are too many knights around on patrol to take her. Dispose of the body, and return at once." Childe bows to the woman and she smiles wickedly.

"Yes, Signora. Anything for the Tsaritsa." She leaves, and Childe begins to wrap up the young girl's body in a blanket. He stops suddenly, lifting his head up as young _____ approaches from over the hill. Childe smirks, fixing his mask and hood back on properly.

"Until next time, _____." He says and begins to run.

You gasp as the light invades your sight again and you're returned to the present. Your heart is beating a mile a minute and your breathing begins to pick up. The realization is overwhelming, and the shock is preventing you from crying.

Tartaglia was the one this whole time? It can't be, it just can't! You love him, and he loves you, he says so all the time. Has he lied to you this whole time? Has he just been keeping you close to screw with you before breaking your heart and killing you? That coin has to be lying. There's no way your Tar would ever do something like that, especially to you! He tells you everything. There are no secrets between the two of you.

Right?

The clock on the wall says that it's seven-o-clock, usually when Childe gets off of work. You don't want to be here; you can't be here. How can you face him after seeing that, even if it was a lie? You quickly run up to your shared bedroom and grab your adventuring bag, filling it with few essentials.

Where will you even go? There's nowhere in Liyue where Childe can't find you. Even across Teyvat, the Fatui have eyes and ears. You just need some time to reflect, get your barrings, and confront him. If you'll confront him. This has to be some kind of joke, or lie placed by some unknown power to question your love for him. There's no way he could have-

"What are you doing, _____?" You gasp, started by Childe suddenly behind you, blocking the exit to your room.

"Tar, you scared me!" You say shakily, holding your bag close to your chest. He smiles his usual caring smile at you, but all you can see is the smirk he held while staring down at your little sister.

"Sorry, my love. I got off of work early like I said I would. Is that why you have your bag?" His ocean blue eyes dart down to your bag and back up to you again. You subconsciously grip the bag tighter, Childe noticing.

"N-No. I accepted a commission last minute." The lie slips out like acid on your tongue.

You've never lied to him before, and it feels wrong. But you have to get out of here. Every alarm bell in your body is screaming at you to run as fast as you can away from the man you love.

His brow furrows a bit with concern and he takes a step closer to you, but you take one back.

"This isn't about what happened today, is it?" He sighs and shakes his head.

"I'm sorry if I scared you, it's just I don't like it when people falsely accuse me of things. I kinda slipped into Harbinger mode for a sec there." He laughs, again trying to come closer to you, you step back.

"Are they false though?" The question falls from your lips before you realize it, and Childe's eyes widen in surprise.

"_____, you can't be serious? You know I would never lie to you-"

"How do I know that, Childe?" You've never called him Childe, and it shows from the shock on his face when you do.

"What are you going on about? I could never-"

"Get away from me!" You yell at the Harbinger, tears finally falling from your eyes. There's no way you could be near him like this, knowing that he could have . . .

"Why? I love you, I won't hurt you." You try to steady your breathing as he slowly inches closer, treating you as of your a wild animal he wants to tame.

"You don't love me." You shake your head, gripping your backpack with white knuckles.

"What?" The question comes out as a whisper from the man's mouth in disbelief, hoping he didn't hear you properly.

"You don't love me!" You say one again, louder, confirming what he has hoped wasn't true.

"_____," Childe tries to come closer, but you shove past him and run to the front door. Before you can grab the handle, Childe grabs you by the shoulders and spins you around.

"Please, _____," His eyes are glassy with unshed tears as he gazes into your own.

"Tell me what I did to make you think this way?" You sob, hands pushing on his chest to break free but failing. You can barely breathe as the sobs rack through your body.

"You-" Trying to get the words out only makes you cry harder as the realization hits you. All the rumors are true. The Fatui are evil, conniving, and uncaring. They kill, pillage, experiment, torture, and don't care about who they have to step on to get their way. And your boyfriend, the love of your life, the man you wanted to marry and start a family of your own with, is one of them.

"You killed my little sister!" Your hands ball into fists and punch his chest as hard as you can, but in your state, you have barely any power.

"My baby sister is dead because of you! How could you?" You managed to get out through your tears, finally breaking down in the arms of the man you've despised for years.

Childe stares at you, unbelieving. He pulls you into a tight hug, crying on your shoulder, continuously apologizing. Never in your life have you seen Childe cry. Even when talking about how much he misses his family or his country, the farthest he gets is a sentimental smile and longing. Never have you thought you'd see him cry either. It's almost enough to make you forget that he's practically admitted to the murder.

He killed your only sister. How do you know he's sincere with his tears as he holds you close and begs you not to go? You've seen him lie before, never to you, but if he kept this secret for so long, what else has he been hiding? But none of that matters right now. The man you've been searching for years for, who you wanted to kill with your own bare hands, is the same person holding you so tenderly now.

How could you forget the countless nights you've woken up from nightmares of that boy coming to kill you and finish what he stared, only for Tartaglia to wake you up and hold you close, promising that he'd protect you? Every year when you mourn your sister and confide in him about how you were going to find that monster no matter what it took, did he fear you'd ever find out and kill him?

Is that why he kept you close for so long, to make sure you'd be too weak for him with love to ever even try? How can you love someone who killed your sister? It's easy to just assume you'd hate him, but for some odd reason, a little voice in the back of your mind is telling you to trust him and love him like you always had.

Another voice is telling you to end his life with no mercy and finally bring your sister to the peace she deserves.

Gathering up your strength, you manage to push him off of you.

"_____, no," He's in a state you've never seen before, face wet with tears, nose running, eyes puffy. But, he doesn't try to pull you back in.

You swiftly grab your bag and leave the house and Childe behind.

-------------

"_____," Your cousin John calls your name, pinching the bridge of his nose. He watches as you continuously use your vision to destroy training dummies.

"You continue this and the knights aren't going to have anything left to train with." You stop temporarily to glare at him.

"I'm training."

"So it seems." He watches as you continue your 'training.'

"You know, this doesn't seem healthy. I'm no doctor or anything, but, maybe you should, like, not?" You sigh irritated and cross your arms.

"Not what, John?" He gestures to the broken wood pieces scattered around the courtyard. You roll your eyes.

"I'm doing no worse than the average rookie knight!" John nods, leaning up against the wall.

"Yeah, yeah, except no. Why? Thank you for asking, cause your not a rookie and you're upset, at what? I don't know because you refuse to tell me. All I know is that my cousin is back after being gone for three years and the-," John looks around before stepping closer and lowering his voice.

"The Fatui in town have been eying us up everywhere we go. What the hell happened while you were in Liyue?" You bite your lip and message your wrists. The tips of your fingers have begun to turn purple from the cold, but you hardly seem affected. John pats you on the back and leads you inside the knight's headquarters.

"Look, I know we were never very close, and when you lived with us, we barely spoke, but I'm here now. We're not kids anymore, _____." The two of you sit down in the library. The three years you lived with your uncle and cousin were your worst. They treated you nice, but you were grieving and took it out on them and many training dummies. It seems you've done the same again.

"I'm sorry, it's just . . ." What happened with Childe months ago is still fresh on your mind. You haven't seen him since you left that night, and you aren't sure if you want to. You're conflicted. You thought coming back to Mondstadt would help you clear your mind and help you decide what to do, but you can't, and it's frustrating.

Despite how hard you've tried . . . You still love Tartaglia with all of your heart. But you can't forget what he did. You could never forgive him either. You've held hatred for this man for six years now, and every waking moment has been used to devise a plan to find him and kill him. But you can't kill him; not when you still hold these feelings.

If this was his goal, then he succeeded. You know he knows you're in Mondstadt. As John said, the Fatui have had their eyes on you since you showed up. You wouldn't be surprised if they all have you listed as a threat. After all, being one of their high-ranking officer's vengeful lover with intent and reason to kill would put anyone on a list.

But, with that said, he hasn't tried to contact you. No letters, no passing of words, hell, no carrier pigeons. He's extra enough to do that. And this has caused you to feel even more upset. Cause you still love the man, and there's some hope still there that he meant what he said and he does love you and the fact he hasn't done anything is killing you.

"_____, you good?" You snap out of your daze and nod.

"Yeah, I was just thinking."

"You seem to be doing a lot of that lately. Please, what's going on with you?" You decide it's best to tell your cousin the truth.

You explain to him the situation. How you fell in love, what life was like for you the three years you were gone, the coin, and finding out the killer's identity. John looks at you in shock.

"Wow, that's a lot. And this is why you came back?"

"Yeah, I know. I should have come back sooner to at least visit, but," John cuts you off and waves his hands.

"No, you're fine. I mean, it would have been nice to see you, but that's irrelevant right now. You found out your boyfriend, a Fatui Harbinger, was the one that killed your sister, and you're here? Doing what? Destroying Favonius property?" You agree hesitantly.

"I mean, when you put it like that, it sounds odd."

"No, _____, odd is an understatement. Why are you here? You should be getting answers, slapping people, storming Snezhnaya! Actually, don't do that last one, that could get us in a lot of trouble."

"True," You agree.

"Honestly, I don't know what to do. Do I confront him? I mean, if he did kill her, which I'm about 90% sure at this point that he did, do I get revenge? I've wanted to for years, but I know that I could never kill him." John takes your hand in his and speaks with sincerity.

"You love him, I get that, but you can't let that get in the way of things."

"No, I mean, I literally couldn't kill him. He's a beast in battle, and could probably end me without even blinking. I've seen him take on multiple ruin guards in seconds, like, he's on a whole nother level." You sigh and put your head in your hands.

"But even despite that, I do still love him. At this point, I feel the best thing to do is to just move on. Go my own way and let him go his."

"And what about your sister, huh? Just gonna forget about her?" You look at him questioningly.

"Look, you need to at least get closure. Obviously, he doesn't want you dead, because you would have been so by now. I can't even tell you how many times the Fatui could have nabbed you, gagged you, and sacked you since you've been back."

"Gee, thanks John, that really makes me feel better about the situation." He rolls his eyes.

"Talk to the man, _____. There will always be a home here waiting for you to come back to." Maybe your cousin is right? If Childe did want you dead, you know damn well he has the power to have made it happen. But how would you even react when you see him? The only way to find out is to get it over with.

With newfound enthusiasm, you jump up from your position and slam your hands on the table.

"Alright, I'm gonna go! I'm gonna talk with Tartaglia and I'm gonna punch him at least once!"

"That's the spirit!" A series of loud shooshes sound around the library and you slowly sit back down.

"Sorry!"

You and your cousin John devise a plan over the next few days. You're still unsure about this whole thing, but with encouragement from John, you gain the confidence you need to push through.

In the end, you decide the best thing to do is to sneak out of Mondstadt without any Fatui seeing you. It's still dangerous to speak with him, and the two of you decide the safest thing is to get him unprepared and off guard. If he's not expecting you, he has no time to plan. Not that he needs a plan to kill you, he could just do it. But still-

As the sun seeps down past the hills and flatlands of Mondstadt, John and you make your way out of headquarters and down to the main part of town.

"You know what sounds so amazing right now? A tall mug of cider from Angel's Share!" John exclaims and grabs your arm. The two of you practically run towards the tavern, gaining looks from the other citizens.

"Cool it, John," You whisper yell to him as you head inside.

"You wanna actually look suspicious?" He laughs, sitting down at a table in the back.

"Sorry if I'm not good at being convincing. Dad always said acting would be my downfall."

"When would you ever have to act to be a knight?" He shrugs his shoulders.

"Right now?" Okay, he has a point. Merely minutes after you sit down, two Fatui agents walk in after, taking a table far enough away, but close enough to keep you in their sights.

"Don't worry, _____," Your cousin says, noticing your worried expression.

We'll get you out of here."

John waves his hand and gains the attention of Master Diluc as he's walking around the tavern.

"We'd like two Valberry Whiskey's please!" Your cousin asks loudly and winks. Diluc rolls his eyes and heads towards the back of the tavern, getting the 'drinks.'

It was a miracle and a half that John was able to convince Master Diluc to help you. But John said he owed him a favor. For what, you have no idea. Not even a second later, a young bard runs over to your table and slams his hands down.

"What did you just order?"

"Uh," You look to your cousin for guidance. The drink was simply a code, not an actual order.

"Valberry Whiskey?" The young bard looks at you in amazement. He's clearly drunk, but the sheer excitement in his eyes seems to sober him up enough to eagerly rush to the bar counter.

"A new drink! And Diluc didn't tell me?!" His shouts of joy gain the attention of the entire bar.

"A new drink?!"

"One not on the menu?"

"Master Diluc!"

Your cousin and you share a look as the crowd goes wild, rushing towards the front bar and to the back looking for Diluc to inquire about this new drink. The few Fatui agents that had followed you in stand up from their seat to get a better view of you and John. John grabs your arm and pulls you into the crowd, the Fatui agents desperately searching for your whereabouts.

"This way, _____." He pulls you farther and farther away from the Fatui till you feel another hand grab you and pull you out of the back entrance to the tavern.

"Hey, watch your hands, buddy!"

"Would you rather still be in there then, _____?" You smile nervously up at Diluc, who's handing you a bag and cloak.

"Things didn't exactly go as planned, huh?" The redhead smirks and crosses his arms.

"I knew that bard would be in here tonight. Drunk off his ass, he wouldn't be able to resist the call of a new drink item." You laugh, pulling the hood over your head.

"Thank you, Diluc." He gives you a rare smile and nods. You begin to walk off but stop, looking back at the tavern owner.

"Hey Diluc, what was the favor for?" Diluc sighs and pinches between his eyes.

"I'd rather not talk about it."

__________________

The journey back to Liyue is a tiring one. It seems a lot closer than it actually is on the map, but heading to the main harbor is always a task. Thankfully, you're able to make your rations last the whole trip, and as you enter the harbor in the wee hours of the night, you smile at the familiar buildings. You may have only been gone for a few months, but this was your home for the last three years.

Your home with Tartaglia . . . You pull your hood farther down your head and try to remain in the shadows. Despite the time of night, the area is still bustling with people. Merchants making deals, ships delivering goods, the whole nine yards.

You flatten yourself against a wall as a few Fatui agents walk past. The place is absolutely crawling with Fatui, even more so than usual. Could it have something to do with you? You doubt it. Harbinger or not, Tartaglia could get in serious trouble for using Fatui resources in such a way.

You carefully slide through cracks and crevises, branches and bushes, trying to stay out of any Fatui sights. Eventually, you find yourself on the outskirts of the city, not far from your shared home. It surprisingly takes a lot from you to not run straight for it. You miss your house. You miss your bed. You miss Tartaglia.

But now is not the time to get sentimental!

You still need to confront him about what he did. And depending on his answer, one of you may not make it through the night. You keep yourself stealthy as you enter the house from the back. He's not home, which is good. But the place is in disarray. Furniture turned upside down, plates smashed against walls, everything caked in dust. It's hard to believe he's been living here if he even has been.

If that's the case, you may have to go looking for him. You look around the house at the disaster. He may have been trying to look for something; maybe a clue to what you had planned or something to use against you.

With that in mind, you run up the stairs to the master bedroom and open the closet. You fear the worst but are surprised to find your sister's belongings still in place.

Surely he would have found them in here.

The bedroom isn't as bad as the bottom floor, though still a mess. The bed is unmade, with a small pile of your clothes on your side of the bed, and his clothes on the floor. All of your things, besides the clothes, are still neatly in their places. Pictures of you and him together that were once on the walls are now on his nightstand, face up and smudged with fingerprints.

"What the hell happened here?" The sound of the front door opening startles you. Could that be Childe? There's no way he's living like this!

Footsteps move across the floor, into the kitchen, into the living room, and slowly up the stairs. Whoever it is, your about to face them.

The door opens slowly, almost torturously so. Soon, the sunken and sullen face of your lover is in your view, and even faster, your on the floor with a knife made of hydro to your throat. Your hood continues to obscure your identity as Childe pins you down.

"Bold of you to break into the home of a Fatui Harbinger! What did you expect?" With the pressure from the knife digging deeper and deeper into your skin, you freeze the hand wrapped around his holding the knife, and kick your leg out. Childe falls over, dropping his weapon which shatters on impact. Before you can get your bearings, he's lunging at you again. He grabs you from behind and holds you in a chokehold.

"Your fast, but you'll never be fast enough!" You gasp for air, holding onto his arm as it's wrapped around your neck. He's trying to kill you, you know he is. All the times you've sparred with him, you knew he was holding back, but he's definitely not this time. Even so, his hold on you is weak. Weak for him, at least.

You rear your elbow into his stomach as hard as you can knocking him back and you summon your catalyst. As he said, he's faster than you, but before he can get back, you place a wall of ice between him and yourself. It's not enough to hold him back for long, but enough to catch your breath. He laughs as he can hear you choking, attempting to regain your oxygen.

"You think this little wall will stop me?" He attacks the wall with his fist, making a section crumble. Your breathing is fast, but you can't seem to gain enough breath to speak. As he crumbles your wall piece by piece, you pull back your hood and lean on the bedroom wall behind you. Finally, he lands the finishing blow and the ice dissipates in a gust of cryo magic. The crazed look of bloodlust vanishes from his face the instant he sees you, hand on your throat, and your breath heavy.

"___-," He can hardly finish his whisper as he lets out a shaky breath. With the tense atmosphere suddenly calm, you're able to regain your breath and look up at the man. His skin a pale and his eyes are dull. He has large dark circles under his eyes and he looks a bit thinner than normal.

"_____," He manages to get out, still shocked you're actually here.

"Are you okay?" You shake your head.

"You haven't seen me in months and that's the first thing you say to me?" He rubs the back of his neck and looks down, ashamed.

"I didn't know it was you. I'm sorry if I hurt you." You can hardly believe what you're seeing. He seems broken, utterly defeated. If he hadn't fought you just now, you'd assume he'd fall over with the breeze.

Looking at him now, it's hard to believe he's the same man that killed your sister.

"We need to talk." He nods, refusing to meet your eyes.

"You need to tell me the truth, Tar," He takes in a shuddering breath at your words.

"All these years, I've been beside you. I've stood up for you, I've loved you. I told you all my darkest secrets and nightmares. Not once did I ever lie to you."

Tears come to his eyes just as they do yours. He bites his lip to prevent the tears from falling. You step closer to him, dropping your cloak, and put your hands up to his face. He flinches away from you but relaxes when your palms cup his cheeks and he finally looks you in the eyes.

"Over the past few months, I've thought long and hard about what I wanted to say to you. And no matter what scenario I came up with, I could never tell if I was doing the right thing. But, even though I carry some semblance of anger, I know that what I feel for you is real. And with that, I still hold hope that you feel the same and it wasn't all just a lie."

He grabs your hands, the tears now falling one by one down his pale cheeks.

"I swear to all the Archons that I love you! I never lied about that!" You hesitate for a moment, blinking away your own tears.

"And though I don't want to, I believe you," You rub your thumbs across his face, clearing some of the tears.

"But I need you to tell me everything." Tartaglia closes his eyes. He never dreamed in a million years he'd have to tell you this story. He'd hoped that you'd live in blissful ignorance for the rest of your life with him. But the gods had another plan for him and you, and he prays that at least one of them will let him keep you. Even if that's a selfish request.

"I joined the Fatui when I was young. I was constantly trying to prove myself to Signora and the Tsaritsa that I was willing to do anything they asked me. I still am," He looks at you with regretful and sorrowful eyes as he recalls the past.

"Your parents had fled Snezhnaya when you were born, because of a debt they racked up with the Fatui. When they were found in Fontaine, it was revealed that they were working for a group of rebels intent on infiltrating Snezhnaya. It was my job to take you and your sister to use as leverage on your parents. But, your sister fought back," You release his face and look away, finding it harder to keep eye contact with him.

"I wasn't as skilled as I am now, and I panicked. But La Signora said I did a good job. I didn't know that your parents had already been killed by the rebels, and neither did the Fatui. Not until after we had left you. At that point, there was no reason to continue after you. But you were never forgotten about. And when you came to Liyue, I was instructed to keep an eye on you," Childe lifts his arms up and places his hands on your shoulders.

"But I never expected to fall in love with you." You look into his ocean blue eyes and are overcome by the warmth they hold for you.

"The day I met you, I could feel it, and I tried so hard to forget about it, but you were just so . . . Amazing, and beautiful, and kind. I never expected that from you. You never once judged me or ridiculed me, even though you knew who I was. I thanked the Archons every day that you came into my life, and I prayed that you'd never find out what I'd done."

A sob breaks through as he wipes the tears running down his face. All the years you harbored hatred for this man, you never once thought about what he could have been going through. It's true that this doesn't excuse his actions, but to know that he truly regrets what he did brings you some kind of closure. In the end, revenge would have never made you feel better. Your sister wouldn't have wanted that.

You love Tartaglia with all your heart, and in this world, it's better to forgive than to let it eat away at you any longer.

"Tartaglia," His name comes out as a whisper with your breath, but he hears you loud and clear. The fear of rejection in his eyes tells you everything you need to know as you carefully speak to him.

"I forgive you." He cries, pulling you to his chest and you hug him back. Unfortunately for him, you weren't finished.

"But, I need some time to think about this. I love you; I never stopped loving you, and I always will," You pull back and smile at him before gently kissing his chapped lips.

"I'm going back to Mondstadt, but I'll be back. You just need to give me some time." He smiles as best he can and nods enthusiastically.

"I'd give you all the time in the world if I could." He moves to kiss you again, but you put a finger up to his lips to stop him.

"Save it for later, Tar." He laughs, looking back up at you with bright eyes.

"So, there's a later?"

(A little something extra. It doesn't quite fit to be an ending, but more like an epilogue just tying things together I guess lol.)

___________________

You sigh as you sling your bag over your shoulder. It's been a good few months back in Mondstadt after your reconciliation with Childe, and you've decided it's time to go home. You've kept in regular contact with him since you've been here, writing letters to each other like new lovers. You found the whole thing quite cute, despite the circumstances. He's been regarding you with caution, taking things one step at a time, and never pushing you past any limits you set. You're grateful for that.

"You sure you wanna go back? You can always stay a bit longer, just to give yourself a bit more time to think it over." John says, arms crossed and head down. You two have grown closer over your time spent here. It's a shame to think you were so caught up in your misery to be blind to the best friend you could have had. And it's tough to say goodbye, now that you've grown attached.

"I'm sure. You don't have to miss me too much, ya know? I'll be back to visit, and I'll write every week!" John huffs.

"You better, or I'm coming over there and kicking that Fatui's ass for keeping you away! I don't care how many ruin guards he can take on!" You laugh and pull him into a hug.

"I'm gonna miss you." He hugs you back, holding you tight.

"Yeah, I know." You roll your eyes and wave goodbye to the family you didn't realize you had.

Once back in Liyue, you get settled into your home with Childe. Thankfully, he cleaned up the mess he made while you were gone. He had said he was so distraught at the thought of you leaving him, he trashed the place in anger. Not anger from you, but anger at himself. He was afraid you'd think he was a monster, that he was heartless, and that you'd never want to see him again.

He was relieved when he heard you were in Mondstadt. There, he could keep an eye on you. One of the things he was afraid of was you doing something to yourself due to the pain of it all . . . If you did that, he wouldn't know how to cope. And when he received word that you had disappeared from Mond, well, he thought that fear had come true. But in the end, things worked out. You could never forget what he did, nor do you want to. It's something you have to live with, just like he does, and it's up to you to put it aside.

You know there are many things he's done that he's not proud of. Many things of which he promises to tell you when he's ready. And you'll be there to listen as he spills his heart out to you.

You take in a breath of air as you enter the harbor, smelling the salty water of the ocean and the wonderful herbs being brought in from traveling merchants. You'll never get over these smells.

"_____!" You look over your shoulder, surprised as Chen runs over to you. You haven't seen her since the incident outside of town.

"Chen! Are you okay?" She smiles and hugs you.

"I'm doing great! My brother and I have been selling a lot more of our goods since he's been back, and business has been booming!"

"Your brother?" You tilt your head.

"Yes!" She nods enthusiastically.

"He did go to Lingju Pass as Childe had said. It turns out, he had a buyer out there but didn't want to tell me in case the deal went south. I overreacted. . ." She puts her head down in shame.

"All the rumors about the Fatui got to my head, and I assumed the worst. But Childe went out and found my brother for me. Can you please tell him I said thank you? Also that I'm sorry. I really owe him one."

You pat her on the head, relieved.

"Of course, Chen." She reaches into her pocket and pulls something out.

"For payment-"

"No!" You shove her hand away.

"Gotta go! I'm late to see Tar!" You sprint off, leaving a confused Chen in your wake.

[darkficsyouneveraskedfor]

All In 6

No tag lists. Do not send asks or DMs about updates. Review my pinned post for guidelines, masterlist, etc.

Warnings: this fic will include dark content such as noncon/dubcon, age gap, power imbalance, low self esteem, and possible untagged elements. My warnings are not exhaustive, enter at your own risk.

This is a dark!fic and explicit. 18+ only. Your media consumption is your own responsibility. Warnings have been given. DO NOT PROCEED if these matters upset you.

Summary: you meet a mysterious man on a night out with your sister. (petite!reader)

based on the winning option for this poll

Characters: casino owner!Bucky Barnes

Note: sleepy af

As per usual, I humbly request your thoughts! Reblogs are always appreciated and welcomed, not only do I see them easier but it lets other people see my work. I will do my best to answer all I can. I’m trying to get better at keeping up so thanks everyone for staying with me.

Your feedback will help in this and future works (and WiPs, I haven’t forgotten those!) Please do not just put ‘more’. I will block you.

I love you all immensely. Take care. 💖

“You need a box, doll?” Bucky flutters his fingers toward your plate, “you don’t gotta finish all that.” 

You look down at the untouched half of your sandwich. You’d barely poked at the pesto salad on the side either. You can’t help it; your stomach is swirling like a storm. Aside from that, you’re so self-aware that you make certain each bite is tidy and small.  

You bring the napkin to your lips before you answer, “oh, sure, I guess. Um, thank you.” 

“You have a big breakfast?” He wonders as he lifts his glass, squinting at its emptiness. 

“I...” you sniff. You didn’t eat at all. “I’m too nervous.” 

You cringe as your honestly flows free. You don’t know why you said that. Maybe it’s the similarly empty glass in front of you. He smiles, his dimples showing handsomely on his bearded cheeks. 

“You don’t gotta be,” he sets the glass down, his forearm across the table. “Is it me? I make you nervous.” 

You look away and cup your chin. You purse your lips and inhale slowly. You dare to face him again. You nod into your hand. 

“What about me makes you nervous?” He wonders, his eyes sparkling. It has to be obvious. So obvious that he must be teasing you. 

“You know,” you murmur. 

“Genuinely curious,” he clears his expression and sits back, “we’re having a good time. Good chat. So... you’re nervous, why?” 

“Because you’re...” your brows squiggle, “you. I’m just me.” 

“And what’s so bad about being just you?” 

You scoff, “I think... maybe you made a mistake. I’m not... anything.” 

“What does that mean?” He prompts. 

Before you can answer, Hailee appears. The slim server offers you a refill. Bucky waits for you to answer first. You decline and he puts his hand over his own glass. 

“We’ll take the cheque,” he says and she flits off to do his bidding. He returns his attention to you before you can shrink further, “well... what do you mean?” 

Your eye drift evasively. He just latches on and doesn’t let go. It’s overwhelming. You watch Hailee as she taps the tablet on the bar top across the roof. You glance at Bucky again. 

“I’m not tall or thin or a supermodel,” you say quietly. He leans in as he tilts his head thoughtfully. 

“If I wanted that, that’s who would be sitting here with me. I don’t mind that you’re a little small. It’s... I like it, actually. And a supermodel? Doll, those types got nothing on you.” 

You touch your cheeks then drag your hands away, “thanks, but...” 

“But?” He echoes. 

“Nothing. Nothing,” you assure him meekly, “I just... I’m not sure about all this.”  

Hailee once more returns. She hands Bucky the bill and he doesn’t even look at it as he slides his wallet out of his pocket. He hands her his card and the slip of paper. Once more, she’s off. 

“Not sure?” He says. 

“Sorry, I just...” once more you look at the server as she swipes his card. When you look back, Bucky’s watching you intently, “please keep your money. You paid for lunch, that’s enough.” 

“But doll--” 

“Please, I don’t feel right taking it,” you put your palms out and drop your hands, “thank you for lunch but I’m not cut out for this.” 

“Hm,” he clicks his tongue and leans his chin on his knuckles, “don’t decide right now. I get it. It’s a lot at once. So think about it and get back to me.” 

“I... I’m telling you,” you wilt, “I don’t think... I’m not what you think I am.” 

“I have no idea what you are, doll,” he extends his fingers under his chin, “but I like what I see and I want more.” 

You shakily bring your hand to your neck. He can’t mean it. He can’t want you. No way. If you say yes, how long does that last? You didn’t come here for lunch or an ‘arrangement’. You need a job. You need something sustainable. 

Besides, you never thought you’d ever consider being a prostitute. That’s what he’s suggesting, isn’t it? You’re pathetic but you have some standards. 

You sigh. You said no once, maybe more, maybe not firmly enough, but he’s not hearing you. So you will ‘think about it’ and repeat yourself later. 

“Alright,” you agree as you lean back and pull your hands into your lap. 

“All I’m asking for is a chance,” he says. Your heart pulses tightly. He’s asking you? “Let’s get your leftovers packed up and I'll take you home.” 

“Oh, uh, I can get a cab--” 

“Nah,” he waves you off, “I’m here. Merv’s gotta get me back to the casino as it is.” 

🃏

“You’ll call me, won’t you, doll?” Bucky asks as Merv stops outside the curb of your mother’s house. 

You peek up through the tinted window and back at the man beside you. He shamelessly has his arm stretched over the seat above your shoulders, the scent of his cologne invading your nostrils. You nod dumbly before you process his words. 

“Yeah, I will,” you assure him as you undo your seat belt and untangle your purse from the strap. 

“Don’t leave me hanging,” he pulls his arm away and brushes your shoulder then down your sleeve. 

“I won’t, like I said... I’ll think about it,” you reach for the handle and he hums. 

“I had a good time. I like talking to you, doll.” 

You stop yourself from fleeing like you so desperately want to do. You turn back to him. You’re struck by him, not for the first time. Someone like him noticed you and did all this. It feels like you’re drowning. You can barely think straight. 

 “Me too. It was really nice,” you breathe. 

He stares at your, almost expectantly, and his lips curve slightly. Are you forgetting something? Heat speckles over your cheeks. Is he leaning in? 

“Hey, don’t forget your leftovers,” he sits back and reaches to the other side of the seat, picking up the box. 

“Oh, thanks,” you take it, your fingers touching his. 

“Don’t let me keep you, ‘cause I will,” he winks, “I’m sure you got someone waiting for you.” 

“Uh, yeah, my mom won’t be home yet but...” you suppress your irrelevant thoughts. You’ll give the sandwich and salad and to Roxie. She never complains for free food. “Yeah, er, thanks.” 

He chuckles and claps his hand down on your leg, “too sweet, doll. It’s my pleasure and there’s a lot more where that came from.” He squeezes and removes his hand, “just making a last-ditch case for myself.” He inhales and his shoulders rise and he fixes his collar, “have a good one, alright? Take it easy, think...” 

“I will,” you affirm once more, “er, bye.” 

You open the door and barely keep from tripping onto the curb. You peer back one last time and attempt a smile, trying to hide the sinking pit in your chest. You don’t need to think about it. You simply cannot give him what he wants. 

You shut the door and back up. You stand cluelessly and wait. When the car doesn’t move, you spin and scurry away. God, how much more awkward can you get? 

You resist the urge to look back as you let yourself in through the front door. The TV babbles from the next room as you twist the lock. Roxie lazes across the couch as the fan oscillates over her. The summer heat has the space stuffy and sticky. The rented house doesn’t have central air and the portable AC crapped out last year. 

“Hey,” you come up to the back of the couch, your anxiety still buzzing behind your ears. You feel different and you feel like she’ll sense it in an instant. You almost want her to say something. 

She doesn’t look away from the screen as she grumbles back at you. 

“Um, mom’s not home yet, right?” 

“Don’t think so,” she yawns, her arm draped above her head against the arm rest. “It’s like three. You sleep all day?” 

You frown. She usually sleeps later, granted, she works until sunlight most nights. 

“No, I had an interview.” 

“Huh, Wendy’s?” She asks. It’s probably an innocent question and a fair assumption, but it still cuts like an insult. 

“No, uh, whatever, I don’t think I got it.” 

“Too bad,” she says. 

You leave her. She’s too enraptured with her reality TV binge. You suppose if you were just waiting to start working, you might just want to shut off too. That’s exactly what you want in that moment. To stop thinking about everything. 

It’s not just Bucky and his offer or whatever you should call it. It’s about your mom and Roxie and being the resident disappointment. You don’t like being dead weight but it seems like it’s all you’ll ever be. There’s more than just yourself to think about in this and yet you just can’t see yourself saying yes. 

You don’t really know what you’re saying yes to. What is it exactly that Bucky wants from you? Sunny lunches and conversations about disco music? You don’t think that’s it but you’re too afraid to think about the implication behind his proposition. 

So you won’t. You won’t-- you can’t accept it. You can’t bring yourself to do... that for money. If you did and your mother ever knew the truth, you shudder to think. No, you can tell an easier lie. 

Sorry, mom, didn’t pan out. Again. But I’ve been applying all around. I’ll get something. 

🃏

The first text Bucky sends, you respond to. It’s the same day as your interview. No, that’s not what it was. He sends a good night and you echo the sentiment. It’s easier to pretend behind a screen. 

You don’t sleep well despite his tidings. You toss and turn and don’t drag yourself out of bed until noon. Your mom’s already at work and you can’t stand to face her. Not since you told her it was another dead end. Roxie’s snoring in her room. 

You go out on the back steps and sit in the sun. It’s all muddled. You know you shouldn’t. You won’t. That’s not you. And even if you could find the courage to say yes, you’re just not that girl. You aren’t the one to be flaunted on a rich guy’s arm. Or the kind to go for manicures and to wear layers of contour. And that’s what he’ll want, even if he says now, it isn’t. Men just want pretty things and you’re not. 

The days pass in a similar idle daze. Every night, he texts. A little back and forth but you say you’re tired and check out after his usual, ‘sweet dreams, doll.’ Two days, three days, four, five, six. A whole week and you know that you have to say it. No. It’s almost as hard as a yes would be. 

When the ‘good morning’ pops up in your notifications, you’re frozen. You can’t even fake it. You can’t hit the automated reply generated by the app. You just lock your phone and put it in your nightstand drawer. You’re a coward, just like you’ve always been. 

You scroll through the job boards. You’ve been spending most of your waking hours trawling them. The postings don’t come as quickly as you apply. Some, you’re sure, you’ve submitted your resume to at least twice. Well, that shows dedication, right? 

You hear your mom come home just after five. You finally sit up from your chronic hunch and groan at the pang between your shoulders. Ugh, that’s not good. You get up and come out as your mother sighs and drops her purse on the table. 

“Hey, I took some drumsticks out,” you say, “I’m gonna do the buffalo sauce.” 

“Oh, hon, that’s amazing, I’m so tired,” she drops into a chair and props a foot on her knee, rubbing her arch, “I need new insoles.” 

You watch her guiltily, chewing your lip. Even if you’re not going to say yes, you almost wish you’d taken that thousand dollars. She wouldn’t have to do overtime so much. You cross your arms. 

“What do you want with it? We got some of the crinkle fries or--” 

The doorbells chimes and you hesitate. It isn’t often it rings. Not for anyone by the landlord on an impromptu visit. You peer over at the same time as your mom. She sends you a curious look as she stands. 

She hobbles away and you feel guilty for letting her. You shy away and wait by the counter. You listen to her footfalls and the schlock of the front door latch as she slides it back. It opens with the usual squeak and you hold your breath as you listen. A low drone meets your mother’s exhausted hello. 

Oh. It wouldn’t be... It can’t be. You assure yourself that you don’t recognise the timbre but even your denial isn’t that strong.  

Slowly, you make your way to the hall and creep down towards your mom as she keeps the door half-way shut against her. It’s him. You hear him say your name. Oh gosh. 

“I’m just following up on her interview. I called but maybe her battery died?” Bucky says. 

You wince and near your mom. 

“Uh, yes, she’s here, I’ll just go--” 

“Mom,” you interject and she jumps in surprise. 

“Oh,” she trills with laughter, “there she is.” 

She lets the door open as you step up next to her, your chest fraught with dread. You stare at Bucky as his blue eyes bore into you. Your mom touches your elbow gently. You’re suddenly overly conscious of your pajama pants and baggy tee. 

“I’ll let you two... chat,” she retreats and leaves you there to his mercy. You can’t beg her to stay without giving yourself away. 

As she heads back down the hall, you step outside and draw the door shut. You know better than to trust her not to eaves drop. How many times had she listened through the doorway when Roxie had one of her boyfriends over. 

“Hey, doll,” Bucky crosses his arms. Is he mad? Does he know you were ignoring him or does he really think your phone died?

“Hi, uh...” 

“You didn’t answer my texts,” he intones. 

“Um, yeah, I... I’ve been... distracted.” 

He nods, a skeptical wrinkle in his forehead, “sure. It's been a week, lots of time to think.” 

You gape up at him. He wants an answer. Now. You have one, but you just can’t say it. You’re silent as tension roils in the humid air. He swoops back a dark lock but doesn’t break his gaze. 

“Look, I... I appreciate your offer and everything else but what you’re asking... if my mom knew...” 

“Hm, yeah,” he puts his hands on his hips, “I thought of that too. You’re a sweet thing and I can see she loves you. It’s unorthodox but I only wanna take care you. Not everyone will understand that.” 

“Right, so I don’t think--” 

“Well, I think she’d be more suspicious if you walked in there and told her I came all the way here not to offer you a job,” he insists, “don’t you?” 

“Y-yeah, but--” you sputter. 

“So, she doesn’t need to know why I’m here, does she? You can tell her you’re working at the casino.” 

“Sure, but I don’t...” you shake your head and look down. He’s right.  

If you tell your mom you missed out on another job, you don’t think you could ever look her in the eye again. It wouldn’t just be another let down but an actual lie. You have an opportunity here. Maybe not the one you thought, but it’s money. After years of living off your mom’s hard work, you owe her. What’s a secret to her not having to work twelves? 

“We get along, don’t we?” He asks. 

You nod. He’s been less than unkind. You can’t really name a single fault on his part. 

“So, I don’t get it. The money, it’s just a bonus,” he explains, “don’t think of it as me paying you to spend time with me, so much as us enjoying each other and both getting the perks from that.” 

“But... but...” you wet your lips with your tongue and clamp them tight. 

He’s cornered you. If you had a few more hours, you could’ve found the strength to take your phone out and type out your rejection but face-to-face? You’re hopeless and you think he knows that. He watches you expectantly. He isn’t hoping, he knows. 

You blow out between your lips and turn your head away, “she can’t ever know.” 

“Doll, for you, I'll keep my lips sealed,” he says, “whatever you want, you got it. That’s the deal.” 

[purecantarella]

Reunited

belated happy Dahyun day! 💓🍞 so this is a tad overdue but here it is HAHAHAH the fic is hella long, over 2k words but i honestly have no clue how it happened?? guess i got carried away. anyway enjoy! disclaimer : this is a three genred fic, so fluff, angst, and smut. viewers discretion is advised, if you're below 18, please find something fluffier or angstier things to read.

Dahyun was incredibly upset with you, and she didn’t want to be, especially not now. It was the eve before her birthday when you told her that you had to miss your date with her to rehearse for your group’s latest comeback. While she didn’t want to be petty, especially since she understood the lifestyle you lead, she was still sad that you weren’t going to be around on her special day for the first time since you got together years ago.

“Are you sure you can’t just escape?” The pale girl asked rhetorically as she lay in the bed, staring at your image on her phone screen. Biting your lip as you stared at her sympathetically gave her all the answers she needed. Your girlfriend sighed sadly, leaning back into the bed. “I know it sucks, sunshine.” A prominent pout appearing on her lips, making you chuckle softly.

You looked around before whispering into you device, “I just want to be with you right now…” Seeing your fellow idol’s pout begin to crack, you continued to flatter her. “Doing everything I want to do to you…” You paused, gauging her reaction. Dahyun had given you her full attention, a sly smirk gracing her lips.

“What would that be, L/n?” She questioned, propping her phone up on her pillow, her hand holding up her chin. Dark chocolate orbs trained intently on you making you grin playfully. “Why cuddle, of course! What else, Kim?” You retorted making her groan out before laughing softly. A satisfied smile finds its way onto your lips.

“There’s my Dahyunie.” You said, making her cheeks tint to a cute pink hue. “I just wanted to see you smile, sunshine. I hate seeing you so upset, especially if I’m the cause.” Dahyun, feeling guilty, stroked your grainy face through her phone. She placed a gentle kiss over the screen, making you chuckle softly, trying to expel the sinking feeling in your chest. As she was close to the screen, she whispered like a prayer, “It’s not your fault.”

Before you could get another word in, your bandmates called out to you, making you cringe and sigh heavily. As she could sense your disappointment, she hushed you and offered you the smile that you fell in love with. “Go! I want to see you do well during your comeback!” Flashing a sad smile, you nodded before getting up and walking over to your bag to put your phone back in your bag. “I love you, Dubu. I’ll talk to you soon, my sunshine.”

The moment the line died, Dahyun fell onto her side feeling bad about herself. She ran a hand through her hair trying to hold back her irrational tears. It’d been months since she last saw you, and it was becoming harder and harder to not miss your soft voice, the way you held her when you cradled her at night, the sweet way you smelled. Just you. The pale Korean simply closed her eyes and dreaded another moment without you in it.

On the other side of Seoul, you stared down at your phone, your beloved ray of sunshine as your lockscreen. You bit the inner layer of your cheek softly before nonchalantly tossing your phone into the piles of bags, swinging your arms back and forth frustrated. When your leader saw you, they couldn’t help but laugh at your expression. You glared at them as you began stretching again.

“Shove off. It’s hard enough that I haven’t seen her in months, makes it worse that I can’t be with her on her birthday.” You breathed out before pushing your hair out of your face. The other idols around you chuckled in their own accord before one said, “She’s turning 23, Y/n. I’m sure she can handle one without you.” You sighed sadly and nodded slowly before proceeding to practice your dance moved to yourself as your other members looked at you, a guilty feeling resonating with them.

After the practice, your members piled over you. You’d been distraught the whole time and it was about time that they did something for you and Dahyun. As you slung your bag over your shoulder, prepared to go home, all of them stopped you. You raised a brow at them, your tired features making them feel worse than they already did.

“Y/n, we’re sorry that you can’t see Dahyun right now—” You cut them off with a tired sigh, the frustration in your chest building more with the explicit reminder. “Yeah, I get it. I’ll get over it.” The group’s leader cut you off hastily by saying, “No, no, we’re legitimately sorry for belittling your problems, and we want to help.”

A small smile began to etch its way onto your lips as you heard what they said. “Help how exactly?” The other members looked at each other, small grins on each of their faces. “You’ll see, N/n-unnie!” Your maknae said dragging you along making you laugh.

The next day, Dahyun rose from her bed tired and managing a slight headache from both the tears and tossing around in bed the night before. Releasing a heavy sigh as she looked down at her phone. With the multiple greetings from her family, her friends, and the Onces, a genuine smile befell her with the sense of sadness that not a single text or post from you came up.

Sana was the first one in the room, a big, happy smile on her face as she ran up to her member and friend excitedly, tackling Dahyun to the bed. Both of them laughed as she wrapped her arms around the Japanese woman.

“Happy Birthday, Dahyun!” She cried out loudly, catching the attention of the other girls as they all began to pile into the room. They all burst out singing, off-tune and loud, causing the celebrant to laugh and clap for them, dancing along to the out of harmony singing. For a moment, the rapper felt truly happy.

“Okay, so after practice today, Dubu…” Jihyo paused briefly, to build up the suspense of the night. “We’re going to dinner, Nayeon-unnie and Momo-unnie are going to buy drinks and we’ll come home and have some fun of our own. How does that sound?” The vocalist offered with her signature gummy smile. Dahyun nodded, looking at the girls around her, feeling grateful for the people here yet she still held hopes that you would find a way to get to you.

Somehow.

But as the day drew on, with no call, no message, no random gift from you, she didn’t feel too hopeful and her morale was obviously low. From getting choreography wrong to not being in the mood to goof off with her other members. Her birthday was turning up to be one of the worst to date.

Dahyun wasn’t hopeful for the dinner but she it’s not like she could skip it. She got ready despite the disappointment that continued to eat at her mood. The rapper got up to see her members who waited patiently outside for her. As she excited her dorm room, the girls cheered and showered her with compliments making the pale skin of her cheeks turning to a bright red, the familiar big smile gracing her face.

“Come on, we don’t want to be late, pretty girl.” Chaeyoung said taking her hand and dragging her out of the dorm, filling the group up with laughter and talking about other things they’d seen or done throughout the day.

At the restaurant, the girls were all giddy while Dahyun couldn’t bring herself to feel the entire party, still sulkily sipping at the spiked iced tea they had ordered. Nayeon, who’d been next to younger girl, nudged her gently. “Cheer up, it’s your special day, Dahyunie.” The bunny-toothed woman gave her a smile, making Dahyun smile gently.

“I’m sorry everyone, I just…I wanted to at least talk to Y/n and she hasn’t—” Before the younger woman could finish her thought, the almost empty establishment sprung to life with a group of seemingly familiar faces in zip-up hoodies, caps, and shades. There were about seven of the unknown people and Dahyun was becoming increasingly nervous.

A single figure stood in the middle, turned around, more hidden from the rest.

“I hope you’re ready for a show, darlings…” The figure turned tossing the hat and the mask to the side. When the speakers burst to life with the voice that Dahyun knew like the back of her hand, she became speechless. Once she got a good look at the performer’s face, the bright smile returned to her face and you returned it.

“To my love, my girl, my sunshine. Happy Birthday.” You smiled and tossed jacket that you were clad in in the direction of your girlfriend, who caught it and held it close to her chest, swooning. Your group began to perform their regular numbers, filled with energy and TWICE began hyping them up. Once the group had burned through two of their songs, ones that you had specifically written for Dahyun.

Then, your band members tossed you a handy guitar. Before you began strumming it, you paced close to the rapper, a fond smile on your face. “When we met, I was a trainee with nothing to my name but a guitar and a passion. You took the time to get to know me and who knew that I would fall madly in love with one of…” You paused to smile at Chaeyoung and your group’s rapper before continuing. “The best rappers in South Korea. That I’d be willing to do the dumbest things and say the cheesiest things because I need you in my life. I love you, Dahyunie.” You were right in front of their table, a smile on your face as Dahyun held back soft tears.

From across the table that was flushed against the back of the restaurant, you took her delicate hand, placing a kiss over the back of her hand. You continued to strum the guitar, for a solo, acoustic cover of ‘What is Love’, making the girls both cringe at you singing their own song but still finding the gesture sweet. After the song ended, Dahyun couldn’t sit patiently anymore. Jumping out of her seat, though with great difficulty, to get to you.

Finally, after months, you dropped the guitar and took her in your arms happily, carrying her and taking in the scent you’d missed so dearly. You placed a kiss softly on her cheek, so happy to be by her side again. “My girl, my precious girl.” You whispered against her ear, pulling her impossibly closer. Dahyun on the other hand, choked back the satisfied sob.

You pushed her away, looking into her eyes and stroking her cheek lovingly. “Happy Birthday, my ray of sunshine.”

Once you were both reunited, the entire dinner Dahyun couldn’t be helped but be latched onto you. While the girls talked to your members, you two were stuck in your own world. Talking about the things you’d missed out on, spoilers for your latest comeback, and of course, just how much you both missed each other.

She hid herself in your neck and left little kisses here and there while your hand busied itself on her thigh, dangerously close to her center. When she knew no one was listening in to both of you, she bit your ear gently. You smirked down at her as an embarrassed flush fell over her face. While Dahyun was the good Catholic girl, she knew what she wanted, and that was long awaited alone time with her girlfriend.

“It’s clear one of us wants it more than the other.” You teased in her ear as you lay another kiss gently on her cheek. Sure, she wasn’t the only one who wanted some, but you weren’t going to let her down that easy. The rapper pouted up at you as you giggled softly as you took her lower lip between yours. It took all your restraint not to pull her onto your lap and take her there and then.

"Wanna get out of here?" You whispered suddenly, you breath tickling her neck. Usually, you’d try to stick it out and Dahyun was the same, not wanting to cause a scene but after months of being apart…you both very much needed some alone time. Without hesitation and with just a wave to all the people present, both of you got up from the overcrowded booth, whispering things to each other while both your groups looked on in horror.

“Love is gross.” Tzuyu said poking her food around.

"And we just lost our ride home." Your group's leader commented.

The moment you left, neither of you could keep your hands off of each other. Getting out of the parking lot alone was an uphill battle all on its own. Your body was tense, her gaze was locked on your perfectly colored lips, and the air around you was so deathly thick.

You couldn’t get to your dorm fast enough.

Upon entering, knowing you were both completely alone, she pushed herself onto you. Pinning you against the wall beside the dorm door. The rapper’s hand trailing to the back of your neck as your lips met in a fiery passion. A desperate moan ripped violently from Dahyun’s chest from your tongue meeting hers. You smirked at the sound as you pulled away leaving kisses to her ear, hands already working on the back of her shirt to unhook her bra.

“Fuck I missed you, princess.” You groaned, moving to kiss her again. Her hand trailed up to thread her fingers into your hair, tugging slightly wordlessly asking for more urgency on your part. Taking the hint, you leaned down to give more attention to the nubs that had now become rather firm because of the cold air. “And these, holy shit they still look good.” You note before your tongue greets them through the fabric.

Dahyun groans at the sudden contact, running her other hand through her hair. “Y-Y/n…” She stammered out as you looked up, mouth still religiously suckling on the nipple. “Please.” Her voice shaky as she begged for her pleasure. Standing up once again, your lips collide with her pink ones as she desperately ground her hips towards yours, looking for any kind of friction.

You pulled away before taking her shoulders in your hands as you pressed her against the wall.

Admiring her features in the moonlight, a fond smile found its way to your lips. Seeing her face so needy for you; her eyebrows contorting, her lower lip under her teeth to suppress the embarrassingly obscene noises. “So gorgeous, Dahyunie…” You whispered, you hand dancing its way lower and lower until you reach the top of her bottoms, slithering your way into her underwear. Feeling the patch of arousal that has now ruined the underwear, you smirk again.

Your other hand on her breast once again, twisting the nipple making her groan out. “My girl missed me so much that she’s ruined herself…” You experimentally played with the erected bundle of nerves. “Oh God…Y/n…More, please. More.” She begged as her lips looked for yours. The smirk on your face growing tenfold as your finger moved further down to her center, pushing your finger into her, making her cry out.

“Ooh, princess, you’re just so fucking tight aren’t you? So tight for me.” You teased, pumping your finger into her before adding a second one, stretching her out in the most delicious way possible. Moans and gasps fell past her lips, begging you for more as your finger worked tirelessly against her. “Did your pussy miss me, Dahyunie?”

With no response, you slowed your movements making her groan loudly, grinding up against your fingers. A stern expression falling over your face as you twisted her nipple again, pushing your lips against hers forcefully, repressing her cries. You pressed her sweaty forehead against yours, forcing her to look at you. “I asked you a question, baby.” You simply said as you began pumping your slick fingers between her core again.

“Yes! Fuck yes! I missed you. My pussy ached for you…You looked so fucking hot during your last few stages, it was so hard not to call you to have you take me in every way possible, N/n.” She panted out, desperate for her release. Pulling your fingers out of her, you carried her to your room. Her whines driving you further.

Once in your room, you placed her on your bed gently before kissing her lips again. Teeth now ramming into each other from the raw need Dahyun’s hand cradling your face, nails scratching your jaw slowly making your body tremble with want. Reluctantly, you pulled away from her lips as you kissed your way down, marking her chest, so it wasn’t visible to the public, down to her center.

Seeing the wet cavern, you couldn’t help but lick your lips hungrily seeing the sexy beast that was your girlfriend. You hooked your arms under her thighs as you stared into her dilated and dark eyes. Teasingly, you blew a huff of air into the exposed pussy, chuckling softly as she shook under your touch.

“Y/n…Please.” She pleaded through lidded eyes.

“What my princess wants, she gets.” You whispered before diving into the sopping wet core. A loud cry echoed through the empty room as her head shot back, back arching in pleasure of your tongue digging into her pussy in ways that she could only long for late at night when she missed you. You ravenously licked and sucked at her clit as your fingers found their way back into her doubling the intense feeling of the knot beginning to tighten in her stomach. Her hand pulling at your hair once again, begging you to work harder to bring her to her climax.

“Holy God, Y/n. More, fuck you feel so good!” She cried out as her legs began to shake around your head, closing from the pressure that was building. “I’m gonna cum, baby. Just a little more. Please! Oh shit, yes!” Dahyun moaned out, her essence coating your chin like a painting as her body convulsed.

You offered small kitten licks to help her ride out her orgasm while also getting a taste of your favorite flavor. Once she tapped your head, signaling you that she was too sensitive at this point, you made your way back up. Small kissed littered across her now pink skin. You lay beside her panting form, as you pecked her lips gently.

“What abou—” You cut her off with another kiss, making her smile dazed at you. “Don’t say it. You need rest and can wait.” The rapper smiled up at you before wrapping her arms around your still clothed midsection pulling you closer. “I can get you a shirt you know, sunshine.” You offered seeing as she was still naked.

Dahyun shook her head before pushing her head into your neck, savoring the smell she missed so much the past few months. “That can wait as well. I still want to cuddle.” You chuckled softly before pulling her onto your chest as she looked at you again sleepily.

“You are not staying away from me for that long again, N/n.” The pale woman said before yawning and cuddling into your chest. You nodded along and kissed the top of her head. “I promise.”

Before she could fall asleep completely, she whispered, “I love you.”

Your smile grew wider as you pulled her closer to you, nuzzling into her hair. “I love you too, Dahyun.”

yeah, i'm going to hell for a lotta things and that last part is on the long list i would say HAAHAHAHAH this has to be my longest fic yet 🤔anyway, remember that requests are open on any group and i will get to them as soon as i can and comments or criticism is always welcomed! 😊 alsoooo happy pride month everyone! love is love always! keep safe always and i will see you all very very soon! 💕 taglist: @labrachrosite

[sleepdeprivedsloth]

Gonna Getcha

[Haikyuu - Atsumu, Osamu]

summary: Atsumu notices that Osamu is stressing out and suggests that they play a game to help brighten his mood. Of course, Osamu doesn’t really have a say in the matter, he knows that he’ll end up laughing whether he agrees to play or not. (platonic Miya twins tickle fic)

potential warnings: swearing, tickling

words: 1.8 k

a/n: for those of you who haven’t watched s4 yet, don’t worry there are no spoilers! on a more serious note, please don’t romantically ship these two. i hate that i feel the need to say this, but this is purely just siblings tickling each other for fun. anyways! please enjoy everyone <3

--

Osamu leaned back in his desk chair, staring at the English worksheet in front of him. He let out a small grunt of frustration and closed his eyes, taking a quick mental break.

The Miya twins had gotten back home from volleyball practice a bit earlier than usual because their coach wanted the team to focus on studying for their upcoming exams. Osamu was trying to make good use of this generously-given free time by working on homework. On the other hand, Atsumu planned to use his free time to lounge around and get some “much needed” relaxation.

Resting on the top bunk bed in the twins’ shared room, Atsumu was mindlessly scrolling through his phone when he heard Osamu’s grunting. He glanced up towards his brother and saw that he looked absolutely exhausted with his head tilted back and a slight crease occupying the space in between his eyebrows.

Osamu must have felt Atsumu’s piercing stare because not so long after he closed them, his eyes snapped back open. He abruptly swiveled his chair around and locked eyes with Atsumu, offering his own stare in return. “Why are ya creepily staring at me like that?”

The blonde-haired twin simply ignored the question, choosing instead to ask one of his own. “Ya look seriously stressed out, man. Wanna play a game?”

Osamu breaks eye contact as he sighs, turning back around to continue working. “No dumbass. Can’t ya see I’m busy?”

Once more disregarding the question thrown at him, Atsumu pondered aloud, “Hey Samu, ya know what game we haven’t played in forever?”

Deciding to humor his twin, Osamu hummed out a quick “hmm” in response, prompting Atsumu to continue.

“Gonna Getcha.”

Osamu feels his body immediately stiffen at the name, countless memories of the brothers playing the childish game flashed through his mind. With their parents being away at work so often when the two were younger, they created Gonna Getcha as a fun way to pass the time. It was just like hide and seek, but the stakes were much higher. Once the hider had been found, the seeker would tickle them silly until they tapped out. The mere thought gave Osamu chills.

Atsumu kept his predatory stare on his twin. “Why don’t we play right now? Y’know, for old time’s sake.”

Osamu instantly recognized the tone in Atsumu’s voice. It wasn’t a suggestion or request, it was a warning that he needed to escape while he still could. Turning his head around to look at his brother's face, Osamu saw the dangerously playful glint in his eyes. “What are we, fricking six years old? Grow up, Tsumu, geez.” 

Never breaking eye contact, a grin spread across Atsumu’s face as he suddenly started counting down. “Thirty. Twenty-nine. Twenty-eight…”

The grey-haired twin’s eyes widened. He came to the sad realization that the two were going to play Gonna Getcha, whether Osamu agreed to it or not, but he wasn’t about to waste anymore potential hiding time by haggling with Atsumu. 

Practically leaping out of the desk chair, Osamu ran out of their bedroom door, quickly closing it behind him. He raced throughout the house searching for a hiding spot, which was pretty pointless considering the twins both knew this place like the back of their hands.

He ran from room to room, eyes darting around for a somewhat decent place to hide, when he came across the supply closet in the hallway. Internally deciding that it was much better than standing out in the open, Osamu scurried inside, closed the door behind him, and sat down in the cramped space beside the miscellaneous boxes.

Not long after he got situated, Osamu heard their bedroom door burst open with Atsumu louding calling out, “I’m gonna getcha!” Footsteps could be faintly heard going in and out of different rooms, accompanied with the occasional “Gonna getcha!” tease. Osamu honestly felt like he was six years old again, giddily waiting for Atsumu to find him. 

When Atsumu’s footsteps sounded close to his hiding spot, Osamu froze and held his breath. The footsteps came and passed, going off in the direction of the kitchen. 

After waiting until he couldn’t hear the footsteps anymore, Osamu quickly got to his feet, planning to make a run for it back to the bedroom. Atsumu would never think to look back in there, right? Slowly opening the closet door, Osamu cringed slightly at the soft creaking before peeking his head out. Once assured that the coast was clear, Osamu stepped out and dashed to their bedroom with a victorious smile on his lips. 

He stopped short and his smile immediately fell when he saw a certain blonde waiting for him, lazily leaning against the doorway with a confident smirk. Grey eyes met brown for a brief moment before Osamu turned around and attempted to bolt away. Unfortunately for him, Atsumu quickly launched himself forward, shouting out, “Gonna getcha!”

The two tumbled down to the floor. Osamu was left lying flat on his stomach as Atsumu straddled his back. Quickly recovering from the fall, the grey-haired brother tried to fight back and push his twin off of him, but his arms could reach back far enough.

Laughing at Osamu’s fruitless struggles, Atsumu teased, “I gotcha!”

Osamu gave up on physically fighting back and went limp against the floor. “Get offa me, Tsumu, yer fat ass is crushing me!”

“Hmm.. no. How about I do this?” Atsumu set his fingers over Osamu’s shirt and scribbled them into his sides. Osamu’s body jerked as if he had been electrocuted, and started shaking his head back and forth as short chuckles spilled out of his mouth. Knowing that verbal teasing had wonderous effects on his brother, Atsumu decided to be a little shit, gasping in fake shock. “Oh no way! Is this tickling ya, Samu?”

Osamu’s struggling started up again at the taunting words. “Y-yohou knohohow ihit dohoes! Stohop!”

“How would I have known that yer this ticklish? I woulda never guessed!”

“Yohohou ahahare suhuch an asshohohole!” Osamu’s laughter became louder as Atsumu switched his scribbling to spontaneously jabbing. “Ihihihi’m gohohohonna kihihihill youhuhuhu!!”

Atsumu ignored the giggle-filled threat, instead choosing to take the tickling a step further. “Huh, I wonder where yer death spot is… that one spot that will make you go absolutely crazy with laughter.” Atsumu slipped his hands underneath Osamu’s loose shirt, wiggling closer to his brother’s stomach. Obviously, he already knew where Osamu’s death spot was, but it was so much more fun when he got to see how his teasing made his twin squirm. “Why don’t ya just tell me where it is?”

Osamu shrieked when Atsumu went under his thin layer of protection and brushed his fingers against his bare skin. He grabbed at his hair to ground himself as he felt the torturous hands traveling closer and closer to his sensitive stomach. “Yohohohou ahahahahalready knohohow whehehere ihit ihis, yahahaha fuhuhuhuhucking shihihihit!!”

“What foul language! I just wish to hear my dearest brother laugh.” Atsumu wiggled his fingers to get them underneath Osamu so that they were squished in between the floor and his stomach. Once in position, he paused his fluttering fingers. “Ya ready?”

Osamu giggled and twitched in anticipation, “Dohohon’t doho ihihit!!”

“Do what?” Atsumu smirked knowingly.

In his panic, Osamu missed the obvious trap and shouted out, “Tihihickle mehe thehere!”

“Well since ya asked so nicely~” Atsumu curled his fingers and vibrated them deep into Osamu’s stomach, knowing from many childhood tickle fights that he could never stand this method.

Loud bouts of laughter were forcefully released from Osamu, his mouth open in a face-splitting smile. “TSUHUHUHUHUMU NOHOHAHAHAHAHA!!”

“Ahh yes, beautiful laughter,” Atsumu playfully teased. “That seriously has to be my favorite sound to ever exist. Mind if I record it and set it as my ringtone?”

Osamu could barely hear the taunts through his booming laughs. In a desperate plan to stop the tickling, he gathered as much strength as he could and rolled onto his back so that he was facing upwards. With his hands now free to move about, Osamu quickly grabbed at Atsumu’s wrists and pushed them away from his quivering belly.

While his twin was catching his breath, Atsumu looked down upon him with a wicked grin. He easily shook his wrists out of Osamu’s weak hold and in turn grabbed onto his brother’s hands, pulling them slightly off to the sides. “Thanks for the help, Samu. I was wondering how I was gonna get ya to turn over. Now I have all the room I need to do this…”

Osamu’s eyes quickly darted towards Atsumu just in time to see him start to slowly lower his head towards Osamu’s bare and unguarded stomach. From far too many ticklish experiences, he instantly knew what Atsumu’s intentions were, and he mentally cursed himself making the situation ten times worse by revealing his belly. The only choice he had now was to plead and pray that his brother would give him mercy. Hopefully the universe was on his side today. “NO! Nohot that, anythihing but that! Tsumu plehehease!!” 

Unfortunately, the universe didn’t offer much help. As Atsumu’s head grew closer and closer, Osamu sucked in his belly as much as he could, knowing that he was only momentarily preventing the inevitable. 

The moment Atsumu’s lips met his sensitive skin and blew the dreaded raspberry, Osamu howled with laughter. He could feel his muscles jiggling around from the vibrations, tickling him both inside and out. He tried to curl up and yank his hands out of his brother’s strong grasp, but it was all in vain. “NAHAHAHAHAHA!! STAHAHAHAHAP! TSUHUHUHUHUHUMU STAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!”

The blonde lifted his head for a quick breath. “Ya know what I wanna hear, Samu!” Atsumu exclaimed before pressing his lips back down into Osamu’s belly. When his brother’s back arched and he felt knees begin to bump into his back, Atsumu chuckled fondly into Osamu’s stomach, only intensifying the ticklish sensations.

Tears of joy started to gather around the corners of Osamu’s eyes. When he felt Atsumu’s mouth move closer to his belly button, he desperately called out, “PLEHEHEHEASE, NOHOHOHO MOHOHOHOHORE!! YOHOHOHOHOU GOHOHOHOHOT MEHEHEHE!!”

After finishing off with one more short raspberry to his brother’s side, Atsumu pulled back and released Osamu’s hands. He watched fondly as Osamu quickly wrapped his arms around his torso with a flushed face and giggles unconsciously pouring out of his beaming smile. Atsumu’s face broke out into a smile of its own at the sight of his twin looking much happier than he had been not even thirty minutes ago. “Ya okay there, Samu? Or has it been so long since we’ve played that ya can’t take it anymore?”

Osamu rested his head against the floor, eyes closed and smiling wide. “Ohoho, I am soho gonna getcha,” he playfully threatened, a trace of the need for revenge in his voice.

--

a/n: thanks sm for reading !! finally branched myself out into the haikyuu fandom so that’s fun :D but is it just me or does the inarizaki team have a total of like two tickle fics T-T maybe there just isn’t an audience for it?? y’all will have to lmk

[rafecameron]

dance with me

summary: luke decides to step in and stop y/n’s friends from teasing her about never having a boyfriend. this leads to fake dates and real feelings.

pairing: luke patterson x reader

word count: 5.5k

warnings: fake dating, alcohol mentions

a/n: my second luke fic which took me way too long to finish because motivation deserted me. Gif is mine :)

It wasn’t a new feeling to feel somewhat left out and like a spare part. Y/N was more than used to her friends chatting away beside her like she wasn’t even in the room. She was sure it should have bothered her more than it did. Countless times people had asked why she put up with it, and the answer was always simple. Because they were her friends, at least one of them was. Yes the other two weren’t the greatest friends, she could at least admit to that. But she had known Jessica her whole life and now they were kind of part of the package, it was easier to be with them. And if she was being honest with herself she liked to sit on the outskirts, only listening in and never participating.

She wasn’t much of a talker. She enjoyed people watching and listening to her friends gossip, she could think of nothing worse than having attention on herself. Plus, if her friends were ignoring her it meant they weren’t pestering her about her love life. And that was something Y/N was more than thankful for. It started out harmless when they were younger. She was the last of her friends to hold a boy's hand. The last one to share a kiss. The last one to have a boyfriend (of course, because she still hadn’t). They had teased her about it.

“Oh, Y/N, why do you never go out? Why do you never have fun?”

“Don’t you want a boyfriend?”

“Please let us try and hook you up!”

But the meaningful pestering had slowly turned to more hurtful taunts.

“You’re so boring Y/N, you really need to lighten up!”

“You’ll never find a boyfriend if you don’t live a little!”

“Are you sure you want to come to the party? Everyone has a date, you’ll be alone like usual.”

She tried not to let it bother her. Rolling her eyes and shaking off her friends comments. She convinced herself she was fine on her own. She didn’t want a boyfriend and she certainly didn’t need one. She had considered finding one just to shut them up, but she couldn’t imagine dating someone just for the sake of it. She was old fashioned. She believed you should love wholeheartedly with everything in you. You should love truly and fiercely and definitely not give yourself away just to be included.

Y/N had seen her friends jump from one boy to the next, some not lasting more than a week. She didn’t want that. She would rather be seen as boring than throw herself at boys just for attention. She knew she had nothing in common with her friends and she also knew people wondered why they even hung out with her. But her friends were popular. And it was easier to be in the popular crowd and ignored than it was to be in the shadows and picked on.

It was near the end of lunch time when her friends finally noticed her again. Jessica was leaning against her locker, eyes locked on her compact mirror as she applied another layer of pink lipstick.

“You haven’t forgotten about my party this weekend, have you Y/N?” She asks before pursing her lips at her reflection.

Jessica was the girl Y/N had known the longest. She could stand Jessica. When they weren’t around everyone else she was back to being the girl she’d met when they were seven. Giddy and excitable, not caring what she looked like. But in public she put on the image of the perfect princess, and she definitely played it well.

“It’s your birthday Jessica, how could I forget?” She rolls her eyes with a smile gracing her lips.

Jessica snaps her mirror shut and forms her pink lips into a dazzling smile, “So you’ll be there?”

“Of course I’ll be there.” She agrees with a nod, she would call Jessica her best friend, she wouldn’t miss her birthday party for anything.

“Are you bringing someone?” Jasmine asks, her perfectly trimmed brow quirking up with her question, “We wouldn’t want you standing on your own in the corner like last time.” She smiles, tight lipped and fake as she waits for a reply.

She opens her mouth slightly, considering for a moment if it was a good idea to lie and say she was bringing someone, just to wipe the smug look from Jasmine's face. But before she can decide if that is a good idea or a train wreck waiting to happen a voice speaks up.

“Of course not,” Amber giggles, “Have you ever had a date before, Y/N?” Amber tilts her head, a smile just as fake as jasmines setting on her lips.

“No, but that’s okay,I don’t revolve my self worth around boys' attention.” She returns Amber's smile.

“That’s good! Because you don’t get any!” Amber retorts back with a laugh.

“Amber-“ Jessica begins to scold her friend but is cut off before she can begin.

“Hey, Y/N.” A voice from behind her catches everyone’s attention.

Jessica raises a brow at the boy behind her friend as she turns to see who exactly was greeting her.

“Oh, hi, Luke.” Y/N replies, her hand coming up in a small wave, she cringes at her own awkwardness.

“I just wanted to make sure we’re still on for tonight,” the boy smiles at her and she can’t help but forrow her brows.

She knows Luke from a couple of her classes but she can’t say she’s ever said more than a few words to the boy. Her memory wasn’t amazing but she was pretty sure she hadn’t made any sort of plans with the boy, he was practically a stranger after all.

“Uh, I-“ she begins to tell him that she has no clue what he’s talking about but he cuts her off again as if he knows what she will say.

“I know I said I wasn’t sure what we should do, but I was thinking we could catch a movie?” Luke raises both of his brows at the girl in front of her, willing her to just go along with it.

And if Y/N has learnt anything from her many years people watching she knows how to read signs, something finally clicking in her head as she quickly nods.

“Right!” She smiles, “Yes, a movie that sounds great! Is seven still good?”

Luke nods, a grin appearing on his face, “Seven, yeah, see you then.” He sends her a last nod before burying his hands into his pockets and turning away, feeling pretty pleased with himself.

Y/N turns back to her friends feeling extremely confused but determined not to show it. Amber and Jasmine look somewhat annoyed but Jessica is practically bursting with excitement.

“Y/N!” She squeals and grabs her shoulders, “Why didn’t you say you had a date with that cute boy?” She shakes her friend for an answer.

The girl laughs, prying her friends hands from her shoulders, “I guess it slipped my mind.” She offers with a shrug.

“Slipped your mind?” Jessica she is sure is about to reprimand her but her scolding is cut off by the ringing off the bell, “I want all the details!” She finishes instead.

She sends her friend one last grin before grabbing onto Amber and Jasmine and pulling them down the hall while Y/N turns the opposite way and heads to literature. She couldn’t honestly say why Luke had come over to them but she was glad he had. The looks on her friends' faces when they thought she had a date was the best thing to happen to her in a long time.

She took her seat in the classroom, the room already almost full of students. The seat next to her was taken up by the boy who had stood in front of her just moments before.

“Hey,” she greets as she opens up her notebook, “What was all that about?” She asks.

Luke looks over to her, his desk empty of anything except a blunt pencil which he was rolling around with a finger. He shrugs, smiling as he meets her eyes.

“I guess I got sick of your friends always making fun of you for not having a boyfriend.” He replies like it’s nothing.

“Wait, you know about that?” She asks, a soft laugh leaving her lips, “I never realised people noticed.”

Luke nods, “I notice a lot of things. It’s not right, friends shouldn’t put each other down. I hate seeing it, so I thought I’d wipe the smirks off their faces. Thanks for going along with it.”

She offers him a genuine smile, “I nearly didn’t, I was so confused!” She admits causing him to laugh, “But thank you.”

He opens his mouth to reply but the late bell sounds and the teacher shuts the door bringing the class to silence. So instead he sends her one last smile before averting his eyes out of the window, his finger still pushing the pencil he’d stolen from Reggie around his desk.

The hour dragged by slowly. She didn’t mind this class most of the time but she couldn’t get her mind to focus on the poem they were supposed to be dissecting. If there was one thing she could never grasp it was poetry. She found it beautiful and clever, but she couldn’t tell you what most of it meant. So when the bell finally rang to signal the end of the lesson she let out a sigh of relief and snapped her notebook closed.

“Not like poetry?” Luke asks with a laugh at her slightly dishevelled look after running her hands through her hair.

“If my life depended on understanding poetry I’d have been dead a long time ago.” She admits, and then frowns at the awkwardness of being death up in a conversation.

“Well, it’s a good thing it doesn’t then.” Luke grins as he follows her out of the glass room.

The pair don’t get two steps away from the door before they are bombarded by a blonde in a pink dress.

“Why haven’t you replied to my text?” Jessica stresses, reaching out and grabbing Luke by the shirt as he tries to slip past her, “Are you bringing your new date to my party?” She deposits Luke back by Y/N’s side and looks at the pair expectantly.

“Oh! Uh, well I hadn’t actually brought it up yet.” She offers with a shrug.

“Well then you’re lucky I brought it up for you!” Jessica grins, “It’s on Saturday at nine, my house. I’ll see you there!” She waves to Luke before disappearing in the crowd of people.

Luke and Y/N share a look, one full of confusion, hopefulness and a tinge of awkwardness.

“Guess I’m your date to a party?” Luke asks with a soft chuckle, his hand coming up to rub the back of his neck.

Y/N quickly shakes her head, “No! No please don’t feel the need, I’ll just make something up.”

“So you don’t want me to go?” Luke asks holding a hand up to his heart, “I’m slightly offended.”

“I mean…” she bites her lower lip, looking around the hallway desperate for an escape which never came, “I just meant, it’s not necessary.”

Luke laughs, “I’m only messing with you,” he reaches out and taps her arm lightly, “But uh, i'll go, if you want. I kind of want to mess with your friends a little more.” He admits.

She raises a brow and laughs a little, “Like, fake date?” She asks, laughing again when Luke nods. She knows she should say no, roll her eyes and push him away, but the memory of Amber and Jasmines faces from earlier flashed back into her mind. This opportunity was too good to pass up on, it’s not like she was throwing herself at boys like she promised herself she wouldn’t, it’s all fake. And what’s the harm in fake dating a cute boy?

“Okay,” she nods, “Fake boyfriend, i'll see you there.”

------

The more she thought about it the more she was convinced she was crazy. Fake dating someone was one thing, but fake dating someone she’d never even held a conversation with? That was off the spectrum of crazy. How was she supposed to convince her friends that she was actually dating someone who she knew nothing about? What if they actually had nothing in common? What if when they finally do hang out they can’t stand each other? She supposed they could just fake break up just as convincingly as they fake got together. And she decided that was probably the best option. Break it off now before it got too out of hand for everyone involved. It was what she fully intended on doing. Her speech was already planned out and rehearsed multiple times on the walk to Jessica’s party.

She was going to walk up to him, look him straight in the eye and tell him it was a crazy idea and they needed to stop. She didn’t have time for a real boyfriend let alone a fake one and she didn’t want anyone to get hurt. But as she rounded the corner and saw the boy waiting for her the plan fizzled out of her thoughts immediately and she found herself skipping over to him with a grin.

“Don’t you scrub up nicely.” She comments, tugging playfully on his shirt.

He had forgone his usual slogan tees with ripped sleeves and dressed in a plain black T-shirt and jeans, a plaid shirt thrown on the top which she was sure she’d seen a friend of his wearing the week before.

Luke shrugs looking almost bashful for a second, “I didn’t want to stand out and show you up. You look nice.” He adds, finally looking her up and down.

She’d chosen a simple dress, dark blue in colour and stopping just above the knee, “Yeah well, I didn’t want to show you up.” She teases with a nudge of her elbow.

“I guess we should get this awful evening over with then?” Luke jokes, offering his arm to her to link hers through which she does instantly.

The party was already in full swing when they walked through the doors, her friends drunk to the point of not caring about her arrival which she was more than pleased about.

“I don’t really drink.” She comments as she grabs a can of cola from the table, Luke helps himself to one after.

“Me neither.” He smiles, “I’d rather know what I’m doing...And not look like an idiot.” He leans up to look over her shoulder at the girl stumbling around in her heels like bambi on ice.

She looks over her shoulder, letting out a laugh at the sight before turning back, “You mean you don’t want to look like that?” She grins and grabs onto his arm, “C’mon, there's nothing more annoying than drunk people.”

She leads him outside, pulling him down onto a bench beside her. The backyard was quieter than inside the house, fewer drunk people shouting and laughing and mostly just people chilling out.

“Honestly, I don’t really like parties.” Luke comments, taking a sip from his can, “I’d much rather hang out with some friends and chill.”

Y/N nods her head in agreement, “Same, but unfortunately my friends are the ones who throw all the parties.”

“Don’t take this the wrong way but, why are you friends with them?” Luke looks over to her and raises an eyebrow in question, “You don’t really seem to fit with them.”

“Jessica’s my best friend, the others...Well, they’re friends with Jess so I guess I have to put up with them.” She shrugs, averting her gaze from his intense stare and looking down at her can in her hands.

“Yeah but you don’t have to put up with them being bitches to you.” Luke comments.

She lets out a laugh, leaning her head back against the bench and looking over to him, “It’s not that bad. It’s either that or sitting on my own everyday. And I’ve never heard you swear before.”

“Y/N! Luke!” Jessica practically screams their names, stumbling through the patio doors and pulling her nights catch along behind her, “I’m so glad you came! Together!”

She leans down pulling her into a clumsy hug, almost knocking Luke out with her elbow as she pulls back.

“So! This is getting pretty serious, huh?” She wiggles her eyebrows suggestively at her friend causing her to laugh.

“Jess, it’s been three days.” She giggles, she feels Luke's hand grab hers and allows him to intertwine their fingers, “Three great days.” She adds on with a grin she was sure was the definition of cheesy.

“I’m so happy for you!” Jessica pouts grabbing onto her friends spare hand, “I guess this means you’ll be going to the dance together?” She gasps, the grin on her face radiating excitement.

“Uh,” She looks over at Luke expectantly, eyebrows raised in question.

“We wouldn’t miss it.” Luke answers for them, squeezing her hand and shooting Jess a smile.

Jess lets out a squeal before the boy attached to her hand begins to tug her back inside complaining that it's cold. She rolls her eyes and mouths an apology before disappearing back into the throng of people inside.

“We don’t really have to go.” She begins to say quickly but Luke jumps up and pulls her with him by her hand.

“I don’t mind. And uh, as much as I dislike parties, we’re not going to annoy your friends if we sit out here all night.” He shoots her a cheeky grin before dragging her into the mass of the party.

They discard their empty cans on the kitchen table and head to the living room which has been turned into a makeshift dance area. The room was packed and Y/N already felt nervous about the idea of dancing and being surrounded by so many people.

“I can’t really dance.” She laughs, stopping in the midst of the drunk dancers.

“It’s not proper dancing,” Luke shrugs, he grabs ahold of her waist and pulls her into him, their chests pressing together as his arms snake around her back, “And your friends are watching.”

He smirks as she averts her eyes to the left, Amber and Jasmine watching their every move with matching scowls causing her to giggle. She lifts her hands and rests them against Luke’s chest, letting him move her along to the pop song which was playing too loudly.

“I don’t think we fit in.” She mentions, watching the couples around her grind against each other.

Luke laughs, “Well if you want to fit in.” He quickly spins her around, pulling her back so her back is pressed against his chest, “We can dance like this.” He whispers into her ear as his hands rest against her hips.

She feels her face heat up and lets out a laugh hoping to cover it up, “I guess this is more believable, but I’m not doing that!” She motions with her head towards the couple beside them who were grinding aggressively against each other.

“Deal.” Luke laughs against her cheek as he slides his arms fully around her waist.

Dancing with Luke for the whole night was not as torturous as she had expected it to be. They talked, at least as well as they could with the loud music. She found she got on with Luke quite well which she hadn’t expected. He was funny and sweet, his usual rugged appearance not one which matched his personality at all. When they finally decided to leave the party he offered to walk her home and she agreed. Their intertwined hands splitting apart once they were far enough away from the party to not be seen.

“It’s weird, having a fake boyfriend.” She comments, looking up to the night sky, the stars barely shining through the group of clouds overhead, “I almost like it. Like having a boyfriend but minus all the drama.”

“I thought you’d never had a boyfriend.” Luke laughs.

She shrugs and looks over to him, “From what I’ve seen with my friends I’m not sure I ever want a real one.”

“Well I’m glad I make an acceptable fake boyfriend.” Luke nudges her with his shoulder eliciting a laugh from her.

------

The following week at school was full of preparations for the dance, Y/N feeling more excited about it than she ever had before. This time she would actually be going with someone! Fake or not, it was still a lot more exciting than standing around alone for the whole night. She’d also spent the week getting to know Luke more. They were ‘dating’ after all so they had to hang out in public to make it look at all believable. He spent a lunch with her and her friends, but she didn’t blame him for hating every minute of it. Amber and Jasmine weren’t nice to her and they definitely weren’t nice to him.

She spent most of her lunches with him and his friends, having much more fun than she’d like to admit. She watched them rehearse, half of it actual rehearsing half of it messing around. She liked Luke’s friends and even started feeling a little bad about lying to them when Alex said how happy he was they were happy together. She found she got on with Reggie the best. He was silly and it was a nice change of pace to her own friends to be around someone who didn’t care what anyone thought.

She was also getting used to the physical touches, maybe too used to it. She noticed that Luke was a touchy person, he was always wrapping his arms around his friends shoulders and nudging them and that didn’t stop when it got to her. She now wasn’t sure if it was because of the fake relationship or because he really was like that with everyone. But she found she didn’t mind. She quite liked when he would hold her hand in the hallways or throw his arm over her shoulders when they were sat somewhere. She had to keep reminding herself that he only meant it in a friendly way.

Friday came around quickly and she took the day off from hanging out with like to spend time decorating with Jess, something they always helped out with for every dance.

“What colours your dress? Is Luke getting a matching tie?” Jessica asks as she helps her hang a banner from the ceiling.

Y/N was sat atop Jessica's shoulders struggling to secure the string to the ceiling, they knew they would get told off if a teacher saw them like this but neither could be bothered to go and find the ladders so they had to make do.

“I was thinking either blue or green,” She comments, her words muffled around the extra string in her mouth, “And I hadn’t even thought about ties.”

“He has to be matching! Otherwise you will look odd!” Jess complains.

She had always been way more invested in fashion than Y/N ever had, she didn’t really see the harm in Luke’s tie not matching her dress, but also knew Jess wouldn’t let it go.

“I’ll talk to him.” She mumbles out, letting out a cheer when she finally gets the banner to stick.

As she climbed down from Jessica’s shoulders she was met with a pair of blue eyes, her friend quickly slinking away behind her.

“Hey Y/N, can I talk to you for a sec?” Jason asks.

She chews on her bottom lip, silently scolding her friend for abandoning her, “Yeah, sure.” She offers a smile.

“I was just wondering if you’d want to go to the dance with me? I know it’s a little last minute but…” Jason rubs the back of his neck with his hand, sending her an awkward shrug.

“Oh! Uhm…” She pauses for a moment at a complete loss for an answer. She was supposed to be going with Luke. But that wasn’t real, whereas this could actually lead to something, she was sure Luke would understand if she cancelled with him, she knew he never usually went to dances anyway.

But as she looked up to answer her eyes landed on the figure walking down the hallway towards them, Luke shot her a smile and raised his brows at the boy in front of her and she thought about how she felt when she was with him. Fake dating or not, Luke was her friend now, and friends didn’t cancel on each other last minute.

“I’m sorry Jason, I’m already going with someone. But thanks for asking me.” She offers him her kindest smile.

“No worries, I thought it was a long shot being this late.” He shrugs again and bids her goodbye before disappearing around the corner.

“What was all that about?” Luke asks, leaning against the locker in front of her with a curious look in his eyes.

“He asked me to the dance.” She answers.

“And?” Luke prompts.

“And I said no.” She laughs.

“You did?” Luke doesn’t try to hide the grin that appeared on his face, “Why would you say no? To an actual date, instead of a fake one?”

“I don’t know.” She fiddles with the bottom of her jacket, pulling it tighter around her, “I considered it, but it didn’t feel right, I didn’t want to cancel on you.”

“Well I’m flattered.” Luke laughs, “I was actually looking for you, what colour dress are you wearing? Jess just shouted at me about ties.”

She just rolls her eyes and links her arm through Lukes to pull him down the hallway.

------

Y/N paces on her front porch as she waits for Luke to turn up, part of her dress skirt scrunched in her hand to prevent her from stepping on it and tripping over. She had never felt so nervous before. She had to keep reminding herself that this is a fake date. Luke doesn’t actually like her and she’s sure the feelings she's starting to get are just results of faking sed feelings in public.

“Why are you out here?” Luke’s voice cuts through her worrying thoughts and she turns to him with a smile.

“My mum was bugging me about pictures. I thought it was safer out here.” She laughs, biting her lower lip at the sight of Luke stood on her porch, his suit fitting his body perfectly and his tie an exact match to the green of her dress.

“You look amazing.” Luke breathes out in awe, he holds his hand out to her and she gladly accepts it and lets him lead her down the steps.

“So do you.” She replies quietly.

The ride to the school is quiet but she’s acutely aware of Luke’s eyes flickering over to her during the drive. She doesn’t comment on it but the butterflies in her stomach go wild at every glance.

“Did you help put this together?” Luke asks as they enter the hall.

The hall was decorated with blue and silver giving it a wintery feel, balloons and streamers around the outskirts and hanging from the ceiling.

She shrugs, “I guess. Jess did most of it, I just helped.”

“Well it looks great.” He compliments.

They stand in the doorway sharing a glance before looking around the room, “So, I don’t usually come to these. What do we do now? I thought people would be dancing.”

She laughs and slaps his chest lightly, “People won't be dancing till later, once the punch has been spiked.” she grins and takes hold of his hand to lead him to one of the tables around the edge of the dancefloor.

“I’ll admit, I’m surprised this is still a thing.” Jasmine comments as she sits opposite them, “Are you not bored yet?” She directs her question to Luke who shoots her a glare.

“Why would I be bored? She’s the most interesting girl I’ve ever met, she's actually real.” He comments back playing with her fingers in his.

Jasmine lets out a laugh, eyebrows raised as she lifts her drink to her lips as if she thought Luke was crazy, which she probably did.

“Where’s your date?” Luke asks.

Jasmine’s glass hits the table with a glare, “I’d rather be dateless than have whatever this is.” She points between the two before standing up and stomping off.

“Sounds like jealousy!” Luke calls after her and Y/N erupts into a fit of giggles beside him.

“I think she hates you more than she does me.” She laughs leaning into Lukes side.

The hall soon began to fill up with students, couples slowly making their way onto the dancefloor as the dance fully started. She had spotted Jessica and sent her a wave as the girl made her way to the dancefloor where she would stay for the entire night. Y/N wasn’t sure how to dance and she would take a wild guess that Luke didn’t know either, this didn’t seem like his kind of scene.

“Do you want to dance?” Luke asks as though reading her thoughts.

“You want to?” She responds.

“I can try.” He laughs and stands up motioning for her to join him, “Can’t come to a dance with an actual date and not have at least one dance.” Her cheeks heat up at the comment about it being an actual date, not sure if Luke meant it or if it was just a slip of the tongue, she didn’t point it out.

His hand finds hers as they walk to the dancefloor, finding a spot in the middle which she was thankful for, less likely people will see them there. Luke's arms wrapped around her waist and hers went around his shoulders, much like at the party except their movements were slower.

“Is this right.” He asks and she lets out a soft laugh.

“No idea, but it feels good to me.” She hesitates for a moment before leaning forward and resting her cheek against his chest.

The stay pressed together for the next two songs in a comfortable silence before she decides to break it.

“Why are people staring at us?” She asks.

Luke hadn’t noticed but looks around at her question and notices a few eyes on them, he shrugs, “Because we’re the best looking couple here?”

She laughs and slaps his arm, pulling her head away from his chest, “I’m serious! It’s making me nervous.”

Luke sighs and squeezes her waist lightly, “I have no idea. Maybe people are just surprised to see us here together.”

She considers it for a moment before finally nodding her head, “Yeah, that’s probably it.”

Luke watches her look around anxiously for another moment before he squeezes her sides again to bring her attention back to him.

“I know we haven’t been here long, but I think we’ve made our point, do you wanna get out of here?” he smiles down at her and she doesn’t have to think twice about nodding her head.

Once out of the building Y/N lets out a sigh of relief, “I didn’t realise how claustrophobic I felt in there.” She breathes out.

“Yeah, it’s tough work being surrounded by people like that.” Luke agrees, “I’d much rather hang out just us two.”

Luke drove them away from the school and to a park, the street lamps illuminating the play area which he led her to. They sat down on the swing set, both angled towards each other as they swayed back and forth slowly. They talked about anything they could think of; family, Luke’s band, memories, movies, music. They talked for what felt like hours before Luke jumped off his swing and held his hand out to her.

“What?” She asks as he leads her to a clear area.

“Well, we’re supposed to be at a dance right? So dance with me again.” He pulls her into his arms as she laughs at him.

“There’s no music.” She comments and he just shrugs.

“I was thinking,” He begins, looking around nervously as he bites his lower lip, “When you’re finished with me being your fake boyfriend, maybe you could let me take you on a real date?”

She felt her cheeks heat up a little bit and didn’t hide the smile growing on her face, “Well, maybe I’m done with you being my fake boyfriend now.”

Luke’s face lights up, his eyes finding hers again and looking a lot less nervous, “Yeah? So you wouldn’t mind if I did this then?” He asks.

He leans forward, his lips grazing across hers lightly before pulling her into a kiss. She felt like the world around her had stopped, the only thing indicating she hadn’t died and gone to heaven was the rapid beating of her heart. When he pulled away she pouted up at him.

“I only mind that you pulled away.” She replies, his smile being covered by her lips again as she pulled him close to her.

They stayed kissing and swaying in the silence until Luke finally said he should take her home. They planned their first real date for the next morning, because neither of them could wait longer than that.

tags: @rudyypankow​ @chrlsgillespie​ @crybabyddl​ @lovesanimals​ @marinettepotterandplagg​ @alexpjoyner​

[carpisuns]

New anon, but I saw the last one and I have some thoughts. Specifically, I have been obsessing over ml for the last month or so, and I’ve only seen three episodes, and they were the three released before crocoduel. And you know what? I wasn’t that into it, it wasn’t bad it just wasn’t half as engaging as fanon and fanworks have been for me.

I’ve also done this with the Magicians, Supernatural, and a couple others. I think the reason that this works, for some people, is because it is a more familiar and in many ways, easier way to discover and become attached to new material and new characters. Fan writers and artists are coming from a place of love for their source material (no matter what issues they may have with it) and that bleeds out into their work. Time is spent developing the characters and their feelings, their relationships, in ways that canon so often can’t or isn’t allowed to, and reading that, it’s very easy to fall in love with new characters very quickly. There’s also common AUs and dynamics that make it much easier to start something new.

And also: comfort characters. So many fans find common ground with characters and further project onto them, particularly in fanfic. And because of that it’s often easier to identify with a fan’s interpretation of a character than it is to identify with the canon’s, since you have these more deeply explored feelings and relationships based on a combination of canon and the personal experiences of the fan writer. Also, with these kinds of fics it’s extremely emotionally affirming since for someone who doesn’t have much of any connection with the source material, it feels like the original, even if you’re reading a large body of work by a lot of different people. And I’m so used to fanfic as a substitute for the emotional work and character development that shows/movies/books don’t have room for or aren’t willing to get into, that approaching a fandom as it’s own original piece of media in a way, feels very comforting.

That’s my perspective on it anyways, and why I do this. I do think it is a good thing to engage with the canon to an extent, even if it’s just watching a few clips (how I found ml) but I also don’t think you need any real connection or knowledge of it to be deeply invested in the fandom. Sorry, this got very long.

you know, i totally get being on, like, the fringe of fandoms and interacting with fanon to an extent without a proper investment in canon (I have a couple fandoms like that), but i honestly just can't imagine becoming super invested in a fandom when I am not invested in the source material...maybe that's just a difference between you and me, idk.

but also, i gotta admit that i'm struggling a bit to understand the reason. you yourself pointed out that fan work is enjoyable because the creator's love for canon bleeds into it. and isn't that the reason that you would want to give canon a real chance? obviously there is fan content made out of spite lol (and sadly a fair amount in this fandom), but to me most fan content is like a love letter to canon. like, "i adore this thing so much that it inspired me to create and share with other people who adore it." and what better recommendation is there than that?? i would think people would wanna familiarize themselves with canon in order to better enjoy fanon(?)

i completely understand your point about fan content delving further into characterization and relationships where canon hasn't/can't, and that is such a big appeal of fanfic/fanart. but i don't feel like that's a reason to not engage with canon? on the contrary, i feel like you are missing something important in your understanding and appreciation of that wonderful exploration if you haven't experienced firsthand the foundation that canon set. and maybe that missing thing is just your personal interpretation of a character/dynamic.

for example, i could say, "adrien agreste is this, this, and this and he would do this but not this." and of course i will think im right because my characterization is always perfect 😌sakjdfaldjks but someone else might have a slightly different interpretation, and someone else will have another interpretation, and when you mush all those individual takes on a character together, you will get a good sense of who they are, but you still don't have the Original™️ to draw your own interpretation from. idk, to me it sounds like basing your opinion of chocolate ice cream on what other people are saying about it without ever trying it yourself? ajsldakljf maybe that's an oversimplification but i do think that without experiencing it for yourself, your understanding will always be kind of incomplete.

idk, i big agree with everything you said about why fan content is special, but everything that is a point in fanon's favor is not a knock on canon. to me fan content feels pretty inseparable from canon, so it just doesn't compute to me to take canon out of the equation? then we would have nothing.

i feel like it's almost kinda trendy nowadays to be like, "oh this show actually sucks lmao but the fanon and AUs are good." like it's shameful to actually...enjoy source material? 😭 i mean i completely understand that miraculous ladybug is not gonna be everyone's cup of tea and that's fine! but if you truly enjoy the fan content that much i encourage you to give canon a real shot. it's not that surprising to me that you watched 3 recent episodes and didn't vibe that much, since you haven't seen the 3 seasons of buildup that lead to them. miraculous has a neat way of tying a bunch of things together so if you aren't familiar with all of it, you're probably missing out.

personally my love for miraculous was kind of a slowburn at first. i only started watching the show because my sister and i made a deal that forced me to watch the first few eps lol. and i didn't really vibe either. but there must have been enough of a spark there for me to keep watching bc for some reason i did and the more i watched the more i fell in love with it until it became the thing that occupies my brain more than anything else. i started with canon and then got into fanon, but it could easily go the other way too. and if you're already invested in the story and characters, i have to imagine it would be much easier to push past the initial cringe of "this is a show about a couple of teen furries rated TV-Y7 on netflix" lol and give anything you don't vibe with the benefit of the doubt.

again, to be clear, i'm not trying to judge or gatekeep here! i'm just saying this because i genuinely LOVE miraculous. it's my favorite show. that's why i make things for it. that's why i have this blog. i want people to watch it. so maybe, pwetty pwease, try watching the show you like so much? 🥺👉👈

(source bc i was too lazy to make my own so i stole this from twitter)

[itsbeaconhillsbaby]

I love your writings, they’re so good and realistic and not weird and cringe like some others on here, by far the best I’ve seen in a while !! Was just wondering if you’re taking requests and if so if you could do one when your an actress and have always had a crush on him but you meet him at an after party at a premier or something and have flirty banter and maybe more ? Thankyou x

hello my lovely x

this is so unbelievably sweet I've been screaming since this popped into my inbox. I wanted to start this off by saying a massive thank you - this is my first ever requested piece and I am so excited to be able to create something for you! this is a milestone fic: the 10th fic that I've written for tom, and is also one of my longest!! I also want to apologise for how long it has taken me; I started on this a while ago now and you have been so patient and kind! please enjoy and let me know what you think! (also the timing that this is now coming out on his birthday is all the spook!!) 

after party antics || tom holland x reader

word count: 2729 warnings: alcohol use summary: premiere after party meet cute

Circular tables filled the floor as glittering chandeliers hung low from the ceilings above. Pretty foliage and large blooming fresh flowers in pastel pinks, greens and blues, draped through the room, entangling themselves around chairs and across wooden beams. Lace, satin and chiffon brushed along the floors as what felt like the entire film industry conversed with one another; hands clutching at suit jacketed arms, glasses clinking in cheers. 

Music, chatter, camera flashes and laughing filled the room - sounds reverberating all around. You glide through the crowds, smiling and nodding your thanks as people congratulated you from either side.

Taking a detour from your path, you spotted the signs for the bathroom and let out a shaky exhale when it appeared empty. Resting your hands on the wash basin and closing your eyes, you took a couple of deep breaths before your face erupted into a toothy grin, a small squeal of excitement bubbling from your lips.

You were at an after-party.

For your very first film.

Surrounded by some of Hollywood’s finest.

WHAT!

If your best friend woke you up stating that this was all some insane dream, you wouldn’t be surprised. It would make more sense, actually – this just couldn’t be your life.

You could feel yourself spiralling and spritzed a little bit of water onto your face to calm yourself down, making sure not to ruin the amazing make-up look that your team had spent so long perfecting earlier that day.

The premiere had only just finished.

You had walked across the red carpet on wobbly legs – cameras flashing, thousands of fans screaming from behind barriers, photographers and press overpowering each other in order to get the best angles and shots; screaming for you to ‘look over here’, ‘turn to the side.’

The premiere had only just finished up as you sat amongst a drool-worthy cast; some of the biggest names in Hollywood. Joining such a large cast was daunting, especially considering who some of those people were – and more so since it was with Marvel, one of - if not the - biggest film franchises out there.

You took another look in the mirror, tucking your hair behind your ears and smoothing down the front. Giving a twirl in your signature Teuta Matoshi gown, the tulle dress embroidered with tiny little yellow daffodils and white daisies, you took a moment to admire your favourite designer as you adjusted the slightly puffed sleeves before leaving the restroom.

You held the door open behind you to allow for a gaggle of tall women to enter in beautiful flowing gowns, turning abruptly to shift yourself out of the way - smiling at them as they all smiled back.

Up on the tips of your toes, wobbling slightly in your heels, you try to peer over the heads of the masses of people. You were eagerly looking for your team, consisting of your incredible manager and your best friend, who you dragged everywhere with you. But you could barely see past the sea of heads in front of you.

You decided to head for the heavy, wide double-set doors that stood open, leading out into the freshly manicured gardens; alive with luscious trees, plants and flowerbeds. A separate dirt path led into a lowly lit rose garden that was nestled in amongst the grasses.

It was a little quieter outside, but not by much.

There was a large marquee to your immediate left. A bar was situated at one end as bottles were flipped in the air - waiters passing out trays lined with champagne flutes. Pristinely clothed tables were crowded with guests; bodies tumbled past you as they headed into the marquee - parties splitting into different locations now that the main event had concluded, leading into a very alive and wild after party. 

Your cheeks ached as the smile on your face refused to drop. Too amazed by your surroundings to let it relax. You stand out on the patio area, looking out across the gardens towards the glow of the city in the distance, lights twinkling in exchange for stars. Despite the dry warmth of the evening you could feel the lightest of winds raising the tiny hairs on your arms. 

“Room for another?”

You jumped slightly at the interruption, the voice light and questioning. You turn, your dress dancing around you.

“Sorry, I hope I’m not interrupting. I’m Tom, I’ve been meaning to introduce myself all night. Congratulations on the film!”

As you exchange pleasantries, your cheeks gathering up some heat beneath the radiant glow of your make-up, he presses forwards leaning in for a hug as you do the same. You can feel his hands against the bare skin at your back leaving behind tiny little goose-bumps in their place, your skin tingling from his touch. You couldn’t help but breathe in his cologne, the pleasant woodsy scent engulfing you.

“Ah, so you’re the spider guy? I think I’m getting the hang of these superhero names now.”

Your lips twitch, forming a playful smile.

He tilts his head ever so slightly to the side, eyeing you up as tiny crinkles appeared around the outside of his eyes. They were looking at you inquisitively with a sweet kind of intensity.

You could feel your heart kick up a notch under his gaze. You scolded yourself internally for your lack of composure. Of course, you knew who Spider-Man was, you’d been such a fan of the Marvel films for years and you’d have to have been blind not to notice the cute, brown haired, quick witted, web-slinger who the world quickly fell in love with. They weren’t the only ones; did he look even better in person? How was that even fair? You shook your head slightly at your thoughts in an attempt to dispel them from your conscious.

“Sorry, I don’t know why I said that. I’m a fan of yours – your work is brilliant.”

You continued on with your bumbling word vomit – a light pink blush evident across your cheekbones and nose.

Tom’s face lights up more as you stumble over your sentences, his eyes glistening in the darkening sky.

“Oh really? Big fan, hm?” He wiggles his eyebrows teasingly, before calling upon one of the many smartly dressed men and women swooping seamlessly through the crowds with their glossy black trays.

You take a moment to drink him in. His crisp navy suit sat comfortably unbuttoned, the satin shirt hugging the figure beneath. He looked older than you’d seen him portray onscreen; his jaw strong and chiselled. His shoulders and body filled out his suit comfortably, hair beautifully fluffed; although it did seem slightly rumpled, as though he had been running his hands through it.

“Oh yeah,” You paused for a beat before continuing, “Then again, I think you’re about the 30th actor I’ve said that to tonight.”

He nods, laughing, his eyes lighting up at your relaxed, playful energy.

“Oh. Okay, nice. No, I see how it is. New girl keeping us all on our toes with the flattery.”

He holds one of the crystal champagne flutes out to you before picking up his own. Shimmering, golden liquid danced as you accepted the glass, fingertips brushing over open palms.

The cool bubbles gently slid down your throat. You could feel eyes on you as you focussed on the glass in your hand.

“Have you met everyone yet?” Tom gestured towards to the lit-up marquee, “A lot of us were talking about how great you were in your film, they’ll want to meet you.”

“Now who’s full of the flattery,” You tease, nudging his arm slightly as he shakes his head at you, “But honestly, I haven’t, I’m kind of finding it all a little bit intimidating. I’ve also lost my team which is not helpful.”

You took another sweep of the area. Now low-key wishing that you wouldn’t find them for a little while, not if it meant that you could continue to talk with Tom with no interruptions.

“Well hey, I can introduce you? I was so terrified when I did my first Marvel premiere, but everyone is so great. Trust me. It’s like a strange, crazy dysfunctional family. I think you fit in perfectly.”

“Are you calling me strange, crazy and dysfunctional? You have an interesting way of making friends, Holland.” You both laugh, “Only if you’re sure though? I don’t want you to be stuck introducing me all night.”

“Don’t be silly. We’ll make it fun. C’mon.”

Tom led you through the entrance of the marquee, turning on the charm as people fist bumped or pulled him in for a quick hug or handshake. Every time they did he peered through his eyelashes at you, inviting you to introduce yourself.

As you made jokes and conversed with your new peers, Tom couldn’t stop himself from watching you. Your name had been all the buzz recently and he’d been eager to meet you. Not only because you were undoubtedly going to be working with each other on future projects, but because you were also getting thrown into the Marvel spotlight like he had been. Little did he realise just how enamoured he had become with you in such a short space of time. There was something about you, he thought, as your cheeks glowed, a wide grin resting upon your face, eyes dancing wildly as you spoke with your new peers - something that he felt drawn to. You noticed him staring and gave him a little wink, shaking him out of it as he joined back into the conversation.

****

The two shot glasses sloppily thump against the bar top.

“Ha!”

��What! No, I was totally first!” Tom protested loudly, throwing his hands into the air.

“I definitely beat you!”

You smiled politely at the bartender as he collected the row of glasses lined up in front of you before turning wildly to face Tom.

“You just can’t face the fact that I won.”

He gestures to his brother who had pulled up a stool to join you both, “Harry c’mon, I won right?!”

“You can’t ask him that, it’s cheating. He’s your brother, of course he’s going to pick your side.”

“Tom, I hate to say this mate but I think she has you beat…” Harry said regretfully, camera slung around his neck as he nursed his own drink, mouth falling into an upturned grin as he supervised the pair of you.

You looked past Tom, straight at Harry, grinning proudly, “I take it back, Harry’s opinion is very important.”

Tom gives Harry a gentle shove as they mess around. You feel an arm slink around your shoulders, giving a playfully gentle squeeze. Your heart thumps along to the beat of the bass, music pulsing through your very bones as the three of you continued to laugh and joke around. Tom’s hair had gotten far more rumpled as the night had gone on, a long way off the perfectly styled look that he’d started off with.

You decided you preferred it messy.

Tom was sitting close by you on his stool, your knees both knocking together. His foot was tapping the footrest to the beat of the music. He’d discarded his suit jacket, and it now hung from the back of the chair, leaving him in his fitted shirt. You couldn’t help but notice his defined muscles as he ran a hand through his hair before resting it on the back of your seat.

“You look really pretty tonight. I saw you walking the carpet earlier, you completely owned it up there.”

“Tom Holland, are you flirting with me?”

You spun in your seat a little bit, making direct eye contact as your hand rested gently on his knee.

As soon as the pair of you had challenged each other to a drinking competition (involving a lot of shots) the night flew by, and you found yourself becoming more and more comfortable with Tom. He was quickly going from that cute actor who you had a little crush on, to someone you were actually spending time with? The intimidation you were feeling from earlier had dissipated, leaving you feeling slightly fuzzy and very happy.

He shrugs, that cheeky grin appearing again. A twinkle shining within those gorgeous brown eyes.

“I don’t know. Am I?”

He slides off of his seat, holding a hand out to you, palm up.

“C’mon.”

“Where are we going?” You questioned, as Harry returned with the drinks.

“Dance floor.”

You can feel your face light up as you hopped down from the high stool, gripping onto Tom’s hand as he helped navigate you back down to solid ground. He whispered to his brother who comfortably started up a conversation with the people around him, before giving him a pat on the shoulder as you dragged him over to the dance floor.

The floor was already packed with bodies. A live DJ station was against one wall facing out into the crowd; flashing, swirling lights brightened up the outdoor space. You pointed out a space in amongst the crowd and Tom led you both towards it, far better at making a path through the wayward limbs than you would have been.

The space was small, and the pair of you were in extremely close proximity. This was the most at ease you’d felt all night, allowing yourself to just feel the music and dance with one of the sweetest, most charming and insanely attractive men you’d possibly ever met. The space quickly filled up, growing tighter until you and Tom were practically chest to chest. He was a quick mover; his hips, legs and arms moving in all the right directions.

Your bodies were pressed together tightly, rapid heartbeats beating as one.

He leans in, pressing up against your side, brushing some stray hairs out of your face, “I also meant what I said earlier. You’re really beautiful tonight.”

“Just tonight?” You whisper into his ear, leaving him to flounder slightly on the dance floor. A little colour flushed to his cheeks as he lifted an arm, spinning you under it.

Before he has a chance to answer, you continue.

“You don’t scrub up too badly yourself, Holland.”

As the two of you lock eyes; the heat from the dance floor, the pounding of the music and the dancing, twinkling lights all fade to the background. His eyes dart to your lips, and you can't help but follow his lead, when you can suddenly hear your name being called out in the crowd.

"Oh my god, I got her. We've been looking for you for ages!" You were suddenly no longer face to face with the cute boy but instead looking into the slightly stressed face of your manager, "It's nearly 4am, the car is here and we gotta go!" She took a moment to look between you and Tom, who suddenly now looked a little bit embarrassed and sheepish - nervously rubbing at the back of his neck.

"Oh. Sorry, I've interrupted something here, haven't I?" She awkwardly made her way back through the crowd after whispering a sorry in your direction.

You smile at Tom, and make your way out from the dance floor. He was close behind you, nodding to a group of people back up at the bar.

He pulls you in for a goodbye hug, embracing you similarly to how you'd hugged earlier in the evening. Except this time was full of promise and a strange tension that hadn't been present before. You could feel the goosebumps prickle your skin where he touched it - his hands gentle as he held them tight around your waist, breathing you in before pulling away.

"Thank you for tonight, Tom. I owe you, seriously."

As you hurriedly caught up to your team, dress fluttering behind you as you immediately begin laughing and chatting animatedly to them, you could feel eyes on you. You looked back as you continued to vacate the marquee and head for the cars out front. Tom was stood, staring after you, a bright smile on his lips.

Something told you this wasn't the last you'd hear from him, and your stomach flip-flopped immediately at the very thought of seeing him again after tonight. For now however, the image of the brown haired, glossy eyed young man smiling after you in awe would have to be enough.